#Truly Callum wanting the freedom to do what he wants to do is everything to me

[imminent-danger-came]

They're so fucking mean

[stylespresleyhearted]

wish upon a star, to follow where you are

(not my gif, credit to creator)

masterlist can be found here.

summary: buck without bucky.

notes: this popped into my head today while working on my benny fic and majors wife two. i had to get it out because it was pounding for freedom. the formatting is a bit weird and any dialogue is written in italics. the love john egan and gale cleven had for one another exceeded any bounds and i wanted to add to that because i find the stories people write of them beautiful. P.S i don’t think bucky and rosie had anything against each other but at the sag panel callum and nate touched on how maybe rosie didn’t particularly care for egan so i wanted to dip my toe into it a bit. ask box is always open if anyone wants to chat mota, callum, austin or my wips.

warnings: minor contemplation of suicide, mourning, depression, major character death, platonic! clegan (squint and you can read between the lines.)

word count: 4.5k

-

It’s Sunday nine a.m, Gale’s eyes have only opened and he’s tired. He’s going to be tired forever.

His eyelids droop, threatening to pull him under but he knows it isn’t an option. The air smells of cinnamon and bacon; the cackling of the sizzling pans are what drew him from his slumber. Sleep wasn’t what he was doing though. It was more of a coma, eyes closed and unable to move an inch of his body but his mind and body awake. Able to hear everything. Able to feel everything still no matter how hard he’s been trying to run from it.

The closet door is swung open. His freshly ironed work suit hanging, waiting.

Responsibilities. Gale has responsibilities and he always vowed to be better than what he had so he has to get up.

His kids deserve better. His wife deserves better.

So he does better; he sits up, rubbing the exhaustion and pain from his eyes. There’s twelve hours left of his day, 720 minutes, 36 seconds before he’s going to have to do it all over again.

There are eight steps between him and his suit. Once it’s on, he has responsibilities to attend to. He has kids to raise. A wife to keep happy and show her how grateful he is to have her. Because he is, truly he is, but being grateful didn’t take away any of the bitterness of everything that has been taken away.

The thought of those things has his throat constricting, aching, yearning to yell and to release the pain.

Men don’t cry, his dad had told him.

Gale had seen men cry many times. Men braver and manlier than his father who served this country and were ripped apart and spit back into society with no guide on how to adapt or to stay alive and learning to adjust to civilian life made Germany and that damn prison camp appear inviting. At least all the soldiers in that camp understood and accepted one another. No judgements were cast.

Bucky would be in that camp.

Gale adjusts, shoving himself back underneath his mountain of covers.

His responsibilities would be there tomorrow.

The suit continues hanging.

-

Monday comes and he does better.

The suit no longer hangs on the door, instead it clings to his body — slim like it had been in the Stalag only this time he isn’t being refused food; he is refusing the food.

It’s the first day of school for his oldest and she clutches his hand all the way to the classroom door, chatting about the plans she has for the day and all the friends she wants to make. She reminds him of someone he knows - someone he knew. It burns his chest to think about a young boy being walked to his class by his single mother, having recently lost his father, and finding it within himself to be the loudest and the funniest and the brightest for the benefit of others.

Gale begs the world to be kind to his little girl. Begs it to keep the peace and prohibit war and keep her safe and rid itself of any pain

He thinks he does a good job smiling at her and keeping her engaged. He amuses all her chatting and assures her that her confidence will be her reality. He refuses to accept anything else. At some point the universe would have to bend for him just a little wouldn’t it?

I’ve tried to be brave. You have taken what I love most. Keep my girls healthy and happy.

All his energy is exerted at school drop off apparently. He gets to work but only lasts close to four hours. The creaking in his chair leads to a headache, his suit rubs against his skin and creates an itch, the sun comes out and shines to bright, time continues on and nobody stops.

The funeral was two weeks ago so people still have sympathy to give. His superior claps him on the shoulder, his peers offer their condolences once more, and then he’s on his way home.

He kept his daughter smiling today and that’s enough for him. Who cares if he wasn’t able to complete eight hours? He was a father before he was anything and he had succeeded today so it had to be enough.

Bucky made him feel enough always.

Gale goes home, dresses for bed, and closes his eyes.

-

His wife gentles him into consiousness. She pets his hair back and whispers his name. She’s smiling at him when he opens his eyes.

His daughter’s back from school and wants to tell him all about her first day, his wife informs him.

Gale nods, promising to join them soon.

She’s smiling but he sees the worry pulling her eyes down, the quivering in her chin as she attempts to maintain her smile.

He didn’t do enough today.

Gale joins his wife and their daughter in the kitchen where she’s biting into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She squeals when she sees him, jumping into his arms when he’s close enough.

He stumbles with her weight. When was the last time he’d eaten?

Daddy, she giggles, why are you in your jammies?

He isn’t sure what to say. Because Uncle Bucky died and I’m alone, isn’t appropriate.

Died. Bucky was dead. Gale hadn’t thought about it before.

The ache in his throat and the burning in his chest return. His heart breaks.

Daddy’s being silly, his wife cuts in to save him.

She takes their daughter from his arms. She probably noticed how he began to sway on his feet.

Gale has to be enough.

He puts a cap on it. Shuts it away where it doesn’t threaten to drown him.

How was school, sweetie, he asks.

His daughter beams at having his attention.

Gale remembers someone who did the same.

-

It’s Tuesday and Rosie won’t stop calling.

His wife is out with her girls, their oldest is at school and their youngest is with her grandmother. Gale is wearing a suit because he went to work again only this time he never managed to make it inside so he drove home after an hour.

The phone was ringing when he arrived and he answered afraid, thinking an accident occurred at school.

Major Cleven, he recognized the voice immediately. Us boys been tryin’ real hard to get ahold of you. Benny said, he, uh - well, we all miss John, sir.

Gale hung up the phone.

Rosie was a good man. A good, brave man who had taken the reins and kept their boys in high spirits and kept them safe when Buck and Bucky went down. Rosie looked out for Crosby after he’d lost all his boys. Rosie flew rescue missions with Buck and they talked about the beauty of peace after the horrendous events of war. Flowers now bloomed where bodies had laid rotting.

Rosie was a good man and Gale respected him, but Rosie never liked Bucky. It was nothing malicious or vindictive. Bucky was an all or nothing type of guy and he wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Gale knows that. Bucky was either cracking jokes or lending a shoulder. Drinking back a whiskey or chatting up a pretty dame. He was either singing or he was dead.

If he wasn’t singing he was dead.

So Gale respects Rosie and he may have love for Rosie but Rosie didn’t like Bucky and Gale doesn’t want to talk to him.

-

He leaves the house when his wife said she would be back. He walks to an old farm he remembers from when he was young. He pets the horses.

He gets home at six p.m when work is supposed to be over and dinner is ready.

Oh honey you just missed Rosie! He rang, his wife says.

Gale nods his head. I’ll be sure to call him back.

He takes his seat at the head of the table.

How was work, his wife asks.

Just fine, honey, he says, how was your day?

-

It’s Wednesday and Gale holds his baby.

He tells his wife he’s going to stay home today. There’s no need to take their baby anywhere.

Their baby is eight months old and she started teething. She’s a gurgling, content ball of milk fat flesh in his skinny arms.

It’s okay, he tells her. Daddy’s gotchu.

She grins at him, releasing spit that he wipes off her chin. It’s his favorite thing in the world to sniff the inside of her neck: momma’s milk and spit and the fresh baby smell that’s been waning off as she gets bigger.

She’s content in his arms until she isn’t. He keeps his finger in her mouth in an attempt to soothe the ache and the itch in her gums even after his finger begins to burn and the indent of her incoming tooth scratches at his sensitive skin.

He tries to feed her and she cries.

He holds her and she cries.

He hands her toys and she throws them and she cries.

All she can do is cry and Gale understands. There’s no ache in his gums but there’s one lodged deep in his chest that refuses to go away and he understands.

You cry it out, he tells his baby. Daddy will stay with you.

Gale fixes them on the couch, her tucked in tight between the cushion and his chest. She clutches his hand in her tiny ones and moves his finger back in her mouth.

She stops crying and for Gale it’s more than enough.

He’s not sure how long it’s been but they must have fallen asleep together because the shutting of the door and tiny, stomping footsteps wake him.

He calls his oldest daughter over but she huffs in response, making a scene of throwing her school bag before heading upstairs.

The baby stays sleeping and he stands, moving a cushion over to take his place so she isn’t in danger of rolling off.

Honey, he says, what’s wrong?

She’s being awfully quiet but he sees her shoulders shaking.

When his wife turns her eyes are red and she doesn’t bother to wipe away the falling tears.

Bucky had promised her he’d visit her on the first week of school. She asked when today and I told her he wouldn’t be coming anymore and, she’s cut off by sobs racking her body.

Gale finds his oldest in her room, glaring at the door as she waits for one of her parents to come in.

Uncle Bucky is a liar, she accuses before Gale attempts to approach his grumpy child.

Hey. His voice is stern, loud, in a way that it hasn’t been since they left Thorpe Abotts. His baby girl flinches and he remembers the war is over.

Gale apologizes and she deflates, allowing him the spot beside her on her tiny bed. It’s a race car bed with unicorns that Bucky helped her draw.

Uncle Bucky loved you so much, baby, his eyes burn as he speaks, he would be here if he could.

But when, she cries.

Well, baby, he’s up in the sky now. Bucky was raised a strong Catholic by his Ma’ for all his talk of non-belief. Gale was the non believer. He wasn’t sure there was a God or a higher power but he knew there was him and Bucky and that’s all he ever needed.

His baby scrunches her brows together, he’s in the ai’plain again?

And for the first time, Gale laughs.

Yup. He’s back in that B-17.

-

It’s Thursday and Bucky’s dead.

It hits Gale like a freight train. This sense of loss and the shattering in his heart isn’t something to get over; it’s something he has to learn to live with.

He’s going to have to miss John Egan for the rest of his life.

The entire time Gale’s been waiting on Bucky to pop back up, as bruised and dirty and battered as when he entered the stalag. Bucky would crawl from his grave, demolish the expensive tombstone they’d thrown over his body, and cross state lines to get to him. Because Bucky loved him and he had done it once and he would do it again.

But it sinks in that Bucky isn’t coming back. He isn’t visiting for the first week of school and his voice won’t be heard over the receiver ever again and he won’t show up unannounced on random days because he was bored.

Buck had fallen out of the sky and Bucky had followed his route, taken multiple, horrendous detours and managed to chase him down and allow him to return home first.

Now Bucky was dead and Buck had no one that would die for him, only people he would die for.

It’s Thursday and Bucky’s dead and Gale stays in bed, debating if this means it’s his turn to follow his dearest friend.

-

It’s Friday and DeMarco’s worried.

He knocks again, ignoring Brady’s leveling stare. He didn’t care if it wasn’t proper to bang on someone’s door, he needed to make sure Major Cleven was alright.

I’m comin’, I’m comin, he hears grumbling and the lock unhatching and then the door swings open to reveal Gale Cleven.

DeMarco takes a step back, air knocked out at the memories the sight of the state of his Major brings up. The eyebags under his eyes are dark and swollen, his eyes have dimmed of any witty remarks or expressions (maybe because Bucky was gone so he had no one left to dish them to) and DeMarco’s unsure why he appears slimmer than when they were at the stalag. His shoulders are bony, tiny, and his wrists look weak.

A strong gust of air would be able to knock their Major over.

Boys, he greets and at least his voice still sounds strong.

Gale lets them in, allowing them to follow him through his foyer until they’re seated at his kitchen island. Benny arrives last, opting to sit on the arm of the couch across from where Gale and Brady sit together. He sees his Major’s eyes cinch, just for a second and Benny hopes to see fire, wants Gale to curse at him for being improper and sitting on the arm of his couch, but then it’s gone and they sit in silence.

Want a drink, from his left pocket Benny extends a flask towards Gale.

Brady’s eyes widen when he accepts it but he hides the surprised gasp behind a cough into his elbow.

Gale thanks him, then sips.

We’re all gonna miss him, Major, Brady keeps his eyes downcast, picking at his fingernails. When he’d first met Bucky he had been in awe: that’s the kind of man he wanted to be like as a kid. Through the war the walls had begun to crack and Brady had seen the faults in the persona of his favorite Major but he’d never stopped being in awe of the leader he was.

Now Brady was allowed to mourn but he couldn’t do it in front of Major Cleven, who had lost much more.

You boys take a wrong turn, Gale asks and doesn’t address Brady’s comment.

Brady looks up now, locking eyes with DeMarco. There’s a connection between a pilot and his co-pilot that exceeds one’s personal stubbornness and pain.

Benny and Buck had dropped from a plane together the same way Brady and Bucky had.

Rosie’s been trynna call you, Benny says. He said his calls stopped going through. I tried calling and it was the same thing.

Had the line disconnected, Gale says and not much else.

Benny nods, Well that’s why we’re down here, Buck. Bucky wouldn’t want to see ya like this.

Good thing dead people can’t see, DeMarco.

God and those resting see all, Brady chimes in and chooses to ignore the warning look sent to him by Benny. He respects Buck and the man he is but that doesn’t mean he would sit idly by and allow disrespect to his beliefs.

For a second DeMarco’s afraid they’re going to be kicked out of the house. Buck’s shoulders tense, a skinny elbow balanced on a bony knee and the hand holding the flask is in a white knuckle tight grip but then it is gone.

Buck deflates, a head nod in Brady’s direction an apology unspoken.

Drove Bucky mad whenever you refused to eat in the camp, Benny reminisces, He’d shove his half eaten tuna can at me to hand to you. He always said you’d never take it from him because you would go as mad as him if he refused to eat.

It was the way of their major’s. The way it had been from the first day at flight school and how it had ended in East Anglia. And their closeness never brought on suspicions or raised any eyebrows because everyone was always much too thankful to the two men who did their best to bring them home alive and sane.

‘Member when he traded his first blanket for a bar of chocolate, Brady says and even Buck cracks a smile which accompanies his head shake. He’d been so angry he had stormed back to the Polish sector and demanded they return Bucky’s blanket. The price was much too high.

The Polish soldier settled with Bucky’s beanie and that night, once he was curled in his bunk wrapped up in a blanket and beanie down covering his ears, Bucky’s grumbling about how his head was cold kept him up.

Damn blanket hog, Gale adds. The blankets always ended up wrapped around Bucky and Bucky ended up wrapped around Buck, like an even exchange.

From his right pocket Benny produces another flask. Brady shakes his head in disapproval, but accepts it when offered.

To Major Egan, he clanks his flask against Buck’s in cheers.

Their sentiments echo in the empty house. They sit telling stories about a prison camp like friends around a campfire sharing school stories.

It’s evening when the boys leave. Gale hasn’t lost his smile for the past two hours and all they had done was talk about Bucky. Gale remembered everything they said, but only once Brady or DeMarco said it. The memories he had of Bucky being kept at bay like he was afraid they would cripple and ruin him if he dared to remember.

News said there’s gonna be shooting stars lighting up the sky tomorrow, Brady shares. He always loved those.

-

It’s Saturday night and Gale lays on the grass in his backyard. When Brady had excused himself to use the restroom, DeMarco had offered him some sleeping pills, prescribed by some head shrink in Chicago that he was 90% sure DeMarco had admitted to sleeping with during a phone call once.

Only one when the nights get too heavy, he had said.

Gale had accepted them but there had been no plans on taking them until he’d been tossing and turning and had taken himself to the couch so he wouldn’t wake his wife.

He had been tossing and turning on the couch when he remembered what Brady had said about the shooting stars. He swallowed a pill and brought a blanket to lay on the grass.

But that had been over an hour ago and sleep hadn’t come and neither had any shooting star.

It’s when he’s getting up, dragging the blanket with him, that he sees light cross the sky quickly. Followed by a twin shadow soon after and he’s unsure of how many he has so he wishes fast with his eyes closed.

I wish for Bucky.

He stands there in the darkness of his yard, silent except for the crickets, and waits. Waits. Waits.

Bucky doesn’t come strolling by and Gale gives up. Hopeless and ashamed for believing in wishing upon a star. For believing he would be allowed to bend the ways of the universe like Bucky used to.

Bucky made things happen.

Gale heads inside.

-

It’s two a.m and Gale’s unsure of how long he’s been asleep but there is someone poking his cheek and calling his name.

Buck. Buck.

Gale’s humming but this person is consistent in their prodding. They don’t want just his response, they require his attention.

Buck.

He opens his eyes and Bucky’s there. Wrinkly smile, bright blue eyes, mustache and all - his Major’s hat tipped to the side.

What took you so long, he smirks.

And Gale smiles a real smile for the first time since he got that phone call. It threatens to split his face. He looks like an idiot, cheesing as hard as he is and if he weren’t so afraid Bucky would disappear he would reach out to touch him.

Stone in my shoe, Gale returns.

They’re back on base in East Anglia, watching the bombs fall after having snuck out the bunker.

Gale feels young, twenty-two again before the effects of war managed to catch up to him.

Unable to stop himself from reaching out, Buck claps a hand on Bucky’s back. He is warm and solid. He isn’t rotten and cold six feet under.

Give it to me straight, Bucky starts, the Yankees have a turn around this season?

There’s a teasing glint in his eye. He’s so sure Buck doesn’t have the answer but,

Lost to the Red Sox. Cardinals are taking it. The game had come on over the radio and Buck hadn’t changed the station.

Bucky curses, but he looks amused, looking back at Buck.

So all I had to do was die to get ya’ to listen to a game huh, he admonishes.

Dead? Gale freezes, you’re right here with me.

Bucky looks back at him to check if he’s joking, another bomb landing much closer and illuminating the shadows on his face. The curve of his jaw and the sharp lines of his nose.

This ain’t where I stay, Buck. Just asked the Big Guy for a weekend pass, he raises a thin brow.

Buck doesn’t have anything to say to that and he can’t find it in himself to muster a smile at the joke.

He thought time had turned back. That they had a chance to do it all over again only this time he would limit the drinks and the smokes and the women and the pain Bucky consumed and then his heart wouldn’t give out on him.

When John offered an invite to London, Buck would accept it this time.

He would do it right.

It was always me who couldn’t live without you, Buck. You - you’re gonna be just fine. Strongest man I know.

Everyone found it easy to assume because John was always shameless and loud in his adoration of Buck. He was never afraid to pinch his cheeks — soft and plump like a pretty girl’s flesh — and he had a habit of grabbing at Buck’s thigh when he sat beside him — need to do something with my hands — and use any opportunity to sing his praises — now Buck he’s a damn good pilot; he’s a fighter pilot who happens to fly a bus. Buck had gotten shot down in enemy territory and Bucky had commanded an entire flight plan in order to follow him.

But Buck — he was the one who couldn’t be without John. Who saved him the seat beside him at every table and saved his rarest smiles for John because they made him feel special. It was Buck who saw the Air Exec post was killing him and requested he be demoted. Buck had paced the entirety of the camp and was led to his bunk with a rifle to his back every night until John arrived.

He had been glad when John arrived because then he wasn’t alone. Then Buck had John.

And John would have never wished for Buck to be in the Stalag if the roles were reversed; he would have been shot down in an attempt to keep him from entering the gates.

John was selfless with his love for Buck; Gale’s love for Bucky is selfish.

Always told you to take better care of that heart, Gale says. He had said it in regard to the skirts he chased and to the boys he led and he had said it the first day they met when Bucky handed his heart to his namesake.

I wouldn’t do anything different, John returns. I had a good run of it. How are my girls?

Buck thinks of Jo and Annie and Katie and how he hadn’t bothered to call or check on them and recoils in shame.

How was the first week of school, John asks instead.

Buck stutters then tells him of how upset his oldest had gotten when Uncle Bucky never arrived.

She’s gonna be a tough one, John smirks. She’ll be fine, I left her with some tips on how to deal with any mean bastards.

Bucky, he warns.

Bucky shrugs.

Call Jo will ya? Annie was giving her a hard time, she’s at that age. Tell ‘er the tickets to the pony show are inside my shirt drawer, Gale gives him an eyebrow raise and Bucky shrugs again, The girls wanted to see unicorns so. That’s what I got. The unicorn’s cousin.

You’re ridiculous.

Call Jo ya hear me?

I hear you, Bucky. I promise.

Good, Bucky relaxes back to continue watching. It should be criminal for mass destruction to create such beautiful colors. And book a flight down there too. I need you to pick up my lucky deuce. The Yankee’s luck needs a Buck.

Gale shakes his head, Aw hell, John. But he’s smiling through the demands.

That’s the way it has been since the day they met.

Buck, tie my shoe.

Buck, help me fly this plane.

Buck, fix the collar of my jacket.

Buck, help me trim my mustache. Can't get it straight.

Buck was given Bucky’s name and a list of demands but all they did was help him feel enough.

Buck would be enough.

Thanks for visitin’, John says. Get more rest, it’ll give us time to catch up.

All I do is sleep, Gale admits, disappointed. He thinks of his wife’s sad eyes every time she sees him in bed.

Nah. You close your eyes but you don’t sleep.

Benny gave me pills, Gale admits. Took one tonight and then I wished on a shooting star.

Bucky clucks his tongue, You get back and you flush ‘em. And I’m gonna stop by Benny’s tonight and yank him from his bed.

Gale rolls his eyes. Don’t do that. I’ll flush them.

You don’t need no shooting star or funny pills, Gale, John says. All you gotta do is ask me to come and I’ll be here.

Buck settles back against the wall and allows the silence to envelop them.

-

It’s Sunday nine a.m, Gale’s eyes have only open and Bucky’s still dead,

Gale wakes, gets ready for the day, and calls Jo.

[olivieblake]

Hi Olivie!!! So, I have been severely slacking in sending you praise for all the works I’ve read of yours this year (very sorry life is chaotic this year truly). But, I am here finally to offer some words on everything I’ve read so far! I will try to keep it short (it’s nearly impossible for me, I'm a rambler, I am very sorry) but I’ll split it up into 2 parts so it’s not too insane hopefully. My goal is still to finish your blacklist this year and I’m close so fingers crossed I can do it!!

(Spoilers for Alpha graphic novels and Fairtytales of the Macabre included)

Alpha Graphic Novels:

These were so fun! I got really invested in the characters/the world really quick and just flew through them! Chmura’s art is STUNNING and it really helped me feel immersed in the world and I tabbed a lot of pages just because of the art alone it was beautiful. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ENDING OF VOL II: RISING THOUGH??? LIKE MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOOR TAU IS BACK???? I shipped them so hard in book 1 and was so upset when he “died” but WHAT OMG??? Fingers crossed that when things start to (maybe possibly idk) slow down in a few years you guys can finish it because I’m DYING to know what happens.

Atlas Six Re-Read:

I’ve already sent you a long ask a year ago about my love for this book so I will not make you bored and rehash everything. But, I still love them <3 (well everyone but Callum I’m sorry). So excited for Paradox this month! I’m actually going to one of your tour dates for it so I will see you then 🥺🥺🥺 (will try my hardest to talk to you but we shall see how nervous I get 😂) Although trying to decide if I should bring all your books with me to get singed or just a few so I can actually talk to you is SO hard. I gotta do some priority picks hahaha.

Fairytales of the Macabre:

Pins and Needles: Such a fun story to start off with. I love some vengeance and some obsession so I really enjoyed this story! I remember reading it and feeling like Masters and Charms lowkey gave me NicoLibby vibes (I really don’t think that’s intentional but I love nicolibby too much so I see them everywhere hahaha). The plot twist ending was insane too!!

The Animation Games: OLIVIE BESTIE A MURDER COMPETITION LOVE STORY WITH REINCARNATION TROPE WHO ARE YOU (in the best way) AND WHY DID I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH. I really never wanted to stop reading about Bran and Rhosyn’s strange beautiful love story. AND YOU BLESSED ME WITH A DANCE SCENE MY KRYPTONITE THANK YOU QUEEN. One of my absolute favorite lines was “He looked terribly handsome, she couldn't’ wait to see the light go out”.

Fates and Consquences: This one was really funny and some of the punishments had me laughing so hard hahahah (especially when his “mom” had to read him fifty shades of grey)

Sensual Tales for Carnal Pleasures: Although Animation Games was a close second this one was actually my favorite in the collection. I was just so entranced by this story and the takes on power, dress, freedom, and fear. I’m someone who loves longing and I just could FEEL the longing and chemistry between them. And the ending where she get a few previous sands around her neck so that she could keep her prince/her love and they could revisit their story sometimes made me emotional 🥺. It's Nightmare and Noctus’s world and I am just living in it!! This story really spoke to my soul so thank you for it.

Thank you for all these stories, I’ve been having a blast reading everything this year so far! Be back with the rest of the praise so far real soon! ❤️

-Amanda

I know I’m extremely behind in addressing these but I do love them very much! I love that you’re enjoying all your reads. I think two things of note:

- Alpha III is written, but I think increasingly unlikely to be completed due to little chmura’s workload. I think this year we’ll discuss what we plan to do, which may include releasing the script as is, or potentially with some hybrid options (including some sketches, maybe, but not fully in the graphic style, which chmura tells me is too laborious due to her unfamiliarity with illustration techniques at the time)

- I think it’s very likely that I will revisit the animation games in novel form. it would be a different storyline—a new story, not an expansion—but I feel like it’s a promising concept that I am more able to work with now. but anyway I’m glad you liked it and so happy you enjoyed carnal pleasures! that one is on the list for future little chmura collabs, as she is also a fan of that story

[casssian]

callum's indycar press conference of today (18/01/22) summed up, brought to you by yours truly:

the team has worked a lot during the winter

he thinks they can already hit the ground running at st pete (first race)

he's living in an apartment, still has do some stuff about his visa

juncos had a lot of investment in infrastructure at the end of last year

"honestly, i'm just looking forward to it and going to try and enjoy it, and honestly, if it really works for me and i'm enjoying it, i'm really happy to stay out here."

he learned the tracks over winter on his home sim, has not been in a big sim yet but hopes to during the season

thinks they're going to be the underdogs this season

juncos might get a second car for the indy500

he thinks both street and road courses in the usa are very bumpy, which is not a thing in europe, and that can be a bit challenging

if he could return to gtwc he would

he's open to doing the dual championship (indy/imsa)

"to go back to europe you kind of have to commit to it. like i said, i'm open to everything, but i want to do the thing that i enjoy the most"

[indy 8h is a very sensitive topic and it shows]

the fda gap year means he's out there (usa) on his own, but it's a very open thing which gives him a lot of freedom and he can make of it what he wants it to be. pretty much if he wants to stay in indy he can stay, and if he wants to look at options in europe he can look at options in europe

he's very impressed with the indy drivers, thinks they're all very good

[he sounds like an indy fanboy it's adorable]

"seeing the smile on romain's face from a lot of the races, coming from f1, 10 years in the sport, it shows that — this is what i was talking about the potential of this championship earlier. i honestly think this championship in its own way should be better. the competition, the fact that anyone can almost win these races no matter what the team, and you don't get that in f1"

a lot of younger drivers approached him interested about indy

he's a ricardo fanboy as much as he's a george fanboy, i won't elaborate this speaks for itself

he'll be very surprised if oscar doesn't get a seat in f1 for next year, saying it'd be an injustice to all the single seater ladder

he's focusing on himself, seeing indycar as an opportunity and hopes to have a very good career there

brad hollinger brought a lottttt of investment into jhr

he disagrees with what dixon said about the car feeling like a junior formula car and not a pinnacle car

speed is not the most important thing if you're able to have good battles and a competitive series. what's important is being able to come through the field and almost anyone being able to win a race - that's the spectacle

he also thinks this topic should be debated (by what i assume he meant drivers and teams) at some point

[sunsetsover]

Just think about how much time Ben and Callum are spending together? They cant get enough of one another! Also the way Callum cannot stop smiling. Or how much he initiates phyisical affection compared to how distracted he was with Whit! Honestly I thank the stars every day the old producers clearly barely cared about Callum and Whit and made them so unromantic. It flows so well with when contrasting how intense and needy he is (in the best way) with Ben. Callum with ben does not get distracted

LITERALLY they must be spending SO much time together off screen like there are so many hints to it!!! like talking about going out for drinks/on dates that we don’t get to see but we know are happening, spending the night at each other’s houses (u will have to pry this from my cold dead hands sorry), spending the whole weekend in the mitchell’s empty house together, hanging out with jay and lola etc not to mention the fact that lexi seems pretty close w callum now judging by the way she ran to hug him when he went to the car lot and the fact that she’s completely unfazed when she sees him in her house which means they must have spent a lot of time together too which!!! says so much about ben and callum’s relationship like ben adores his daughter and involving her in their relationship by letting callum come along when he takes her to school and spending mornings together and stuff tells me that he’s taking their relationship pretty seriously!!! like he wouldn’t just let anyone get that involved with his daughter unless he was in it for the long run!!

like their relationship has progressed so much in such a short amount of time and that must be down to the fact that they’re spending like every minute they’re not working together and that’s :-( so fuckin cute man they can’t stay away from each other they really and truly are in the honeymoon phase huh :-(

and they both seem so happy and comfortable and confident w each other!!! like u said callum cannot stop smiling!!! he seems so much freer and happier now already and like i realize it’s going to be an ongoing journey for him but he’s already come SO far in such a short space of time!! like 2 months ago he was denying even being gay but now he’s out here living his best life!! kissing his man in public for everyone they know to see!!! he’s found himself a little family where he belongs and is loved and appreciated and i could not be happier for him i love him sm :-(

and i completely agree!! we are so fortunate that the old team seemed to just sort of half ass and rush things with whitney and callum’s relationship AND with callum’s character because it’s given the new team SO much room to grow him and develop him and take him on this journey that has been so wonderful to witness (and it’s been surprisingly well handled!!) and ur right, it flows so well when you compare how distracted and complacent he seemed with whitney (like he very much let her take the lead and went along w whatever she wanted, u know?) vs how passionate and comfortable he is with ben ALREADY, after what? a month of being together? like he already just seems like a much more active participant in his relationship with ben than he ever was in his relationship with whitney, if that makes sense? like he fought for ben!! he’s actively being like ‘can we go for breakfast, can we go for a drink, can i make u dinner’ because he wants ben and he wants to do stuff w ben and spend time w him and be close with him vs how little involvement he had in his own WEDDING to whitney and idk i’m just emo thinking about how good it must be for callum to be able to just WANT without restrictions. to just want someone because he wants them. no ulterior motive, no fear, no panic, no ‘it has to be this way or else’, no forcing it, no keeping up appearances. he’s with ben bc he wants to be with ben. he spends time with him because he wants to. he kisses him bc he wants to. everything he’s done w ben since probably the shooting he’s done bc he wants to and i doubt he’s ever had that kind of freedom before, to want and do without restrictions. i’m so glad he has that now.

yeah idk i just love them and how loved up and happy they are already like i’m such a romantic at heart and seeing it makes my heart go 💗💗💗

[kuno-chan]

Love Amongst the Dragons - Ch. 7, The Bars That Bind

Summary: In a sentence, Prince Callum doesn’t care for dragons. He has his reasons for not being a fan, but the Dragon Ban has expired and now his life is full of them as the Dragon Keep has finished and everyone around him is preoccupied in making sure everything is ready for the Xadians arriving so the dragon rider’s training program may succeed. Now, Callum is up to his neck in everything that has to do with dragons as he does his best to satiate some dangerous curiosities, wrestle sorrowful memories and support his stepfather, King Harrow, in this time of redemption.

Rating: G

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The next morning, the Xadian party visited again. As always, Callum beat everyone to the keep. Again, Ezran was nowhere to be found. He would have to start asking around and almost did that morning, but the news of the Xadian party’s return visit piqued his curiosity.

His worried stepfather also had Callum willing to go.

The morning began much like the last; the Xadians inspecting the keep and irritating Lord Viren in the process. He didn’t like how the elves inspected the place as if they owned it, but their supervision was part of the peace deal with Xadia.

It didn’t exactly help that it all came from a place of mistrust. Elves did not, under most circumstances, trust humans. They especially didn’t trust humans with dragons. Frankly, the elves were better and probably could have dealt with almost any rider the humans could produce. Then again, maybe Callum was being presumptuous.

“Today, we will show you how to ride a dragon,” Runaan announced to the keep. “Our way.”

He nodded to Rayla who promptly mounted Luna. She nodded back and patted Luna before bursting into the air, twirling like the wind itself. They soared around the keep, diving and flying together as one. Rayla even leapt off of Luna mid-air and, somehow, Luna was right there to catch her before she fell.

Callum marveled at them. At her. Rayla did not hesitate. She held no fear of the ground below or the sky above. Not with Luna.

He might have envied her, but… that freedom. Fearlessness. It seemed so attainable now. His mind naturally went back to the Tempest. Callum shook his head. He would never ride a dragon, but he could admire those who could.

Rayla and Luna landed gracefully just as Runaan flew off on Athena. If Rayla and Luna were one, then Runaan and Athena were a part of the sky itself. They wove through the air seamlessly. Like silk and clouds. Not an ounce of hesitation anywhere in sight.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Callum could see Lord Viren frowning beside King Harrow who was smiling. The king clapped as Runaan landed and dismounted in one swift motion. “You truly are a master.”

“It’s the result of many years of training. Bonding. If a dragon doesn’t trust you, then you have nothing but a weapon.”

“We are in agreement.” Harrow looked over the titan wing dragon. “She would save you from anything. Give her life for you.”

Runaan ran a hand over Athena’s scales. “I wouldn’t want her to. But yes.”

King Harrow’s gaze flickered down, then back to Runaan’s face. “You have shown us a true gift. My hope is that humans can have the same understanding and love you both have with your dragons.”

Lord Viren inclined his head at King Harrow. Callum wondered what it was about.

After the meeting, Callum caught up to Rayla on the ramparts, feeding Luna a Xadian orange and scratching her freely.

“... you did so good today. I’ll get you a pear later, okay?”

Luna warbled happily, proudly receiving her scratches.

“There’s a dragon I know who likes pears.” Callum said, making Rayla turn her head. “Is that a dragon thing?”

Rayla blinked at him, assessing. Luna nudged her and warbled again, this time encouraging. Rayla glared at her softly, but it quickly fell into something softer. “Crescentbacks like them, for sure. But they’re picky things. I think they just like fruit in general.”

There was a pause between them as Rayla fed Luna another cut of orange. “You were amazing up there. In the sky?” Callum could have smacked himself. Where else would she be flying? “I just mean… you’re an amazing flyer. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Rayla looked over him. Another nudge from Luna. “... thank you,” she said proudly. “Even if half of it is Luna. She does a lot of the legwork. I trust her with my life.”

“That’s incredible. You’re incredible. Both of you are, I mean.”

Luna approached and snuffled him. Approval, perhaps?

“She’s saying thank you.”

Callum laughed. “You’re welcome?”

Luna sniffed him again, setting her eyes on him for a moment. Callum’s stomach fell. Right. The Tempest. Then, he caught Rayla’s face from behind. She was… smiling?

He smiled back at her. “I mean it. I know I barely know you, but you’re just… incredible.”

If he didn’t know better, he’d say her face was turning red, but she cleared her throat and shook her head. “Thank you. I… that’s appreciated. And, yeah. Thanks.” She looked away. “Luna, we should go. Runaan’s going to leave us behind.”

Luna snuffled another goodbye. Rayla waited for her.

“Callum?” she said his name, cocking her head.

“Yes?” Callum blinked.

“I’ll see you tomorrow? I’m usually flying in the courtyard. I’m sure Luna would like to see you again. I could ask you some questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

“I’ll ask you tomorrow.”

Then, she left. He felt the urge to follow after her.

-:-:-:-

The Tempest was much more receiving of Rayla than he was of Claudia. His nostrils flared and whatever Rayla’s scent was, it seemed familiar enough for him to relax and let Callum talk about the elvish dragon rider he couldn’t stop thinking about.

“And she’s fearless. You should have seen her! I just… she loved being up there. And she was good at it! Better than any of the riders I’ve ever seen.” Not that he was an expert on the subject. “She wants to talk to me tomorrow.”

He didn’t know why the prospect excited him so much. He’d known her for all of a few days, but she never ceased to impress him. And, apparently, Luna didn’t mind him either. Callum didn’t blame her for not trusting him entirely, but he was glad she’d give him the time of day.

She was wary of him, but her invitation for a talk was genuine. Welcome.

She seemed just as curious as he was.

He didn’t know why it mattered to him so much.

The Tempest made a noise. Amused? Laughing?

“Listen, the king wants peace, right?” He retorted, his face warming. “I’m just helping. It’d be nice if we were friends. It could help in the long run… right?”

After all, that was why he was so interested.

The Tempest grunted.

“And I think she’s cool.”

Whatever it was, the dragon snuffled at him fondly and Callum rubbed his nose. He lingered there, his mind going back to a place he often tried to leave. It didn’t escape him that there were bars between the two of them. That the Tempest had been in this cell for more than a little while.

He wondered if they ever came to see him, give him water or scraps. Callum provided these things in secret, but it shouldn’t have been that way. He still noticed the way the Tempest looked at the sky from time to time. How he seemed to get darker as time moved on, the color of a heavy thundercloud. His strength was coming back, but he still seemed…

Sad?

Not completely there.

That was Callum’s intuition, anyway. He didn’t exactly know the Tempest outside of this cage.

Callum paused.

He didn’t know the Tempest outside of this cage .

They’d never interacted outside of this room, had they?

Sure, Callum visited him, but--

He might as well have been a more accommodating jailer.

And the prime question coming to Callum’s mind:

Did they hurt him? When Callum wasn’t here, did they hurt him? It’s not like he’d ever know. Did dragons even bruise?

Maybe he’d never know. Or maybe he did. It wasn’t like they would never visit him. And Callum had seen what the Tempest was like with other humans. There was no way they--

Enough. This was enough.

He could ask himself questions again and again and have the same thoughts run through his head endlessly, but that wouldn’t solve anything.

And something about today--

Callum couldn’t stand to see him in this cage anymore.

“I’ll be back for you tomorrow night. It’ll be different tomorrow night,” Callum said to him. “I promise.”

The Tempest snuffled at him softly and laid back down when Callum left.

-:-:-:-

This idea had been a lot less nerve-wracking when he’d thought of it last night. Last night, he’d felt brave and determined and just… he just wanted the Tempest to have a better life than what was going on in that room.

But now he was heading to the courtyard, his mind running through whatever he was going to say when he told her he’d been visiting a caged dragon that looked just like her own.

And then having the audacity to ask her for a favor and not run to her very scary dragon commander. Leader. Whatever he was.

In the courtyard, Callum heard her before he saw her. She was flying high, taking Luna around and around in what seemed less like a drill and more like an instance where Luna wanted to play. They twisted and turned in the air, whizzing by and soaring. Callum heard Rayla laugh. It made him smile despite his nerves.

He waited for her to see him. She seemed pleased and his breath hitched in his throat.

“Callum, there you are. I wasn’t sure if you were going to--”

“I need a favor,” he blurted out. He smacked himself on the forehead. “I’m sorry. I just… I need your help.”

Rayla raised her brows when he looked to her, then she frowned. “With?”

He didn’t answer right away, and he kept his voice quiet. “There’s something I think you’d like to see.”

Like was a bit of a strong word in this context.

Callum pulled her aside and told her what was going on -- and begged her to keep quiet about it. The last person he wanted to hear about this was… well, everyone, but Viren and Runaan were amongst the two people he was mainly talking about.

In any case, he won her over.

“So, what exactly was your plan?” she asked him that night.

They didn’t fly that night. Too risky. And it wasn’t like Callum had ever gotten on a dragon’s back before. So, they walked along the path Callum went through every other night.

She wasn’t… pleased with the revelation that he’d been visiting a caged dragon. Or that they locked it up in the first place. She said something about humans and how Runaan had warned her about this.

But she let up and ultimately agreed to help him once he told her his plan.

Callum winced. “Okay, I know it sounds bad, but… I guess I just wasn’t sure what to do.”

“So, you just kept him in there?” The look she gave him was scathing.

“The king-- my stepfather needs this to work. I didn’t want to cause trouble.”

“Right.” She said. With bite. “The king.”

He was in no position to ask what she meant by that. In fact, he was lucky she didn’t rat him out, but that only made him look at her more.

“What are you staring at?” she asked. Luna was around, Callum realized. Somewhere he couldn’t see. He also realized it didn’t bother him.

“Thank you.”

“What?”

“Thank you. For doing this. For helping me get him out.”

“He should already be out. Why would you put him in a cage?”

Callum frowned. “I didn’t put him in there.”

“Then why did you keep him in there? You said the king needs this to work. Well, if you’d said something, we would have demanded him out already.” She argued. “This isn’t right. He’s a magical creature. Not an experiment.”

“I know that.” Callum stopped in his tracks. “Look, I hate seeing him in there. But… my stepdad needs this peace to work, okay? What was I supposed to do? Bring this to him and make him worry more?”

“I’m not really worried about what your king is worried about,” she said, turning to look at him. Luna appeared between them, revealing herself.

“This peace is important to him. It means everything to him. He wants this to work more than you know.” Callum bit his lip. Tried to bite his tongue. “And you don’t know him.”

He locked eyes with her. Violet eyes mixed with something between regret, anger and irritation.

And I don’t know you, he realized.

“You knew somebody, didn’t you?” he asked, deflating. “In the war.”

“In the war he started?” she turned away and started walking. “Yeah.”

He did it because of what happened to Callum’s mother. He did it because the elves sent a dragon to kill her. He did it to avenge her death.

Callum said none of these things.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead. “That war was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened and… I’m sorry. For your loss, too.”

Rayla froze. Her shoulders hunched. “... I’m… sorry for yours, too.” She turned back to him. Her face was softer, even if whatever feelings she had before lacked absolution. “I am. All of it was a mistake.”

There was too much to unpack there. The history. The deaths. King Harrow could never talk about it in a way that Callum could understand. This moment wouldn’t fix that.

“I know this doesn’t… help, much. I know it doesn’t really make sense, but I really do appreciate you coming to help me.” They started walking again. “I can’t stand to see him like this anymore, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“You’re trying to be loyal to your family,” she said weakly. “I get that. And you’re trying to help. I’ll admit I didn’t exactly expect this from you.”

“What did you expect from me?”

“I’m not sure, to be honest. I guess that’s why I wanted to talk to you. In the courtyard, I mean. Runaan told me what to expect from humans. You kept coming around and you weren’t really like how he said you might be.”

“And what did he say?”

She glanced at him. “... not nice things.”

Callum laughed, if only to himself.

She turned her attention to him. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. You’re just-- you’re good at talking in circles. Didn’t really expect that from you. You seem like you’d be the direct type.”

She didn’t know how to take that. Her head raised, then lowered, then raised again as if unsure how to respond and how to carry herself. “I am,” she said, raising her chin again. “I am direct. But I’m on an important mission here. I’m not supposed to just be discussing anything with just any human, you know.”

He walked ahead of her. Turned to her. “But I’m not just any human. I’m Callum. Remember?”

He grinned. She blinked at him and--

The crack of a smile. “I suppose so.” She walked past him, the smile growing a bit wider. “Callum… you’re lucky I like your name.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why not?” She shrugged. “I think it’s nice.”

-:-:-:-

The Tempest was waiting for Callum as usual, but his attention went straight to Rayla before she even entered the room. He could smell her judging by the flare of his nostrils.

“It’s alright,” Callum reassured him, reaching through the bars. Rayla knew better than to approach him right away. The Tempest’s pupils were in slits, trained on Rayla for any sudden moves. Callum stroked his nose. “This is Rayla. Remember me telling you about her?”

“You told him about me?”

Callum shushed her, his face warmer than normal. He placed a hand on the dragon’s horn. “It’s fine. I promise. She’s here to help.”

The Tempest snorted. His nostrils flared one more time. He looked at Callum, then relaxed, a noise of resignation rising from his throat.

“How did you ever get close to him?” she asked, carefully walking up.

Callum shrugged, pulling out the Tempest’s dinner: a piece of beef and some pears. “He just kind of let me, to be honest. Then, I started bringing food, and he warmed up more.”

“Interesting…”

The Tempest stopped eating, his pupils slit again, and he focused on an empty spot.

Luna appeared in that spot. She warbled a greeting at him, but kept her distance. On instinct, Rayla approached her dragon and stroked her muzzle. “We’re friendly,” she said. “We’re here to help.”

Callum smiled when the Tempest went back to eating his food. “We’re going to get you out.”

Whether the dragon actually understood or just knew something was different, Callum didn’t know, but they looked at each other and Callum nodded. He was doing this. Tonight. He refused to keep acting like the Tempest’s jailer or one of the humans that imprisoned him.

He wasn’t sure how Rayla would help him, but she was here and between the two of them he was sure they could figure it out. Granted, his plan could have been better. He had the idea of picking the lock or breaking the bars with Luna and the Tempest, perhaps the impact of their strength would--

Rayla pulled out two wicked blades from under her hood. Callum’s mouth dropped open. He kept a tight hold on the Tempest. “I didn’t know you had those.”

“Of course you didn’t. I didn’t want you to know,” she said and got to work on the lock.

“You can pick that?”

“I can try. These blades are a bit big for picking, but this lock is pretty big too. If nothing else, I can try to break it, but it’s probably proofed against dragon fire and claws. I’m willing to bet my blades won’t so much as scratch it.”

Callum sat nervously, hoping that this was a good idea and he wasn’t making a big mistake. He waited as Rayla tried with the lock. It opened in less than five minutes.

Rayla stared at it. She slowly stood up, but didn’t put her swords away.

“That was too easy.”

“Well, I’m glad it was because--”

“No, I mean-- That should have been harder to do. I shouldn't have been able to open it so fast. Callum, are you sure nobody knows you come down here?”

Callum shook his head. “I’m sure. I’ve been coming down here for weeks. If anyone knew, why would they just keep letting me?”

She didn’t answer.

She still didn’t put her swords away.

“Let’s go,” she urged. “Will he come outside with you?”

Callum hoped so. The Tempest edged out of his cage. Slowly. Slowly.

He spread his wings and stretched his body. Callum let him do these things at his own pace. The Tempest was cautious, but reached his head out and snuffled at Callum. A thank you? Curiosity? Either way, Callum was more concerned with just how big the beast was. He was at least twice Callum’s size now that he was uncurled.

In the corner with Luna, Rayla hadn’t put her blades away.

“You can trust him,” Callum said.

“I trust him,” Rayla said. “But I also trust him to be a dragon that’s been locked in a cage for weeks.”

The Tempest looked at her, his tail slowly moving. Ready to pounce at any moment. Callum ventured and scratched under his chin. “It’s okay. They’re friends. They’re with me.”

Callum stepped between them. He had the Tempest’s attention and smiled. Whatever the dragon saw, he went back to stretching.

“We need to get out of here,” Rayla said. “If he wants to fly away, then he needs to get going.”

A lump formed in Callum’s throat. “You’re right.”

He didn’t think about this part.

He didn’t think it would make him feel like...

Well, like this.

But Callum owed it to the Tempest. If his mother’s death had taught him anything it was that, sometimes, people left you. Sometimes, you had to leave them.

His fingers on the Tempest’s dry scales slowed and his mind misted back to the hours after his mother died.

“Don’t make me go!”

“Prince Callum… you have to let her go now.”

His stepfather wasn’t there yet. The guards were digging their fingers in him and pulling him off his mother’s corpse. She was ice cold, but he clung to her and laid his head against her still chest.

He waited for her voice. Her lullaby. Her gentle words.

Anything.

There was nothing, and he screamed when they pried his arms from around her.

He wailed.

He didn’t stop crying even when his stepfather finally crushed Callum into a hug.

He never saw her again. Callum only ever saw her in the stone of her grave, but she was still gone. It never stopped feeling like she left. Or she was taken. He could never decide the difference, really.

Callum blinked back any tears that threatened to spill. Not right now. He’d cry about this later.

They led the Tempest outside and Callum still hadn’t quite let go. Rayla didn’t say anything, but when they got outside, he looked at her. Comfort? Reassurance? He didn’t know.

She smiled softly.

“Do you know his name?”

Callum shook his head.

“Dragons usually have their own names,” she said gently. “When they tell you, it means they choose you. You’re the one they want to bond with.”

The lump in Callum’s throat grew. He turned back to the Tempest. “I wish I’d had time to learn your name,” he whispered. He bit down on his inner cheek. “But you miss your freedom. And I can at least give you that.”

The Tempest snuffled Callum’s hair. He nudged him and bowed his head.

Then, he turned and spread his wings. He launched himself into the air.

A chain dragged him back down to the earth.

Callum’s breath caught in his throat. The commotion startled him as the guards spilled into the arena, one chain after another keeping the Tempest grounded. The Tempest snarled and thrashed, but they kept him down. Rayla ran into the fray and knocked one of the guards out, but they quickly surrounded her to the point where he couldn’t see her.

“No!” Callum ran forward, but one of the guards grabbed him and kept him back. He fought back. “Stop! You’re going to hurt them.”

He didn’t know where Luna was, but he could hear her, roaring and snarling to get to Rayla. There was the beginning of dragonfire in his peripheral, then there was a commotion and--

“Luna!”

The tip of Rayla’s blade found the apex of a guard’s throat. No, wait--

Not a guard.

Lord Viren stood where he’d approached. His staff in hand, he raised his brows. “And what do you intend to do with that? Kill me? As a diplomatic envoy?”

“I don’t care,” she growled. “Let Luna go.”

“Do you honestly expect me to put my men in danger? Your beast attacked them--”

“Because of what you’re doing!” Callum shouted at him. “Lord Viren, I’m begging you. Please, don’t--”

“Don’t what, exactly?” Lord Viren glowered at him. “Don’t hurt them? Do you not understand that these people would all slit our throats and set fire to our cities if we so much as give them an edge to stand on? Look at her!”

“She’s done nothing wrong,” Callum ground his teeth. “I asked Rayla to be here.”

“Because you have been coerced-- brainwashed by this Tempest Crescentback! A vindictive, unholy beast! One of the most dangerous of the Lesser Dragons! Your soft heart has led us all here! And she,” Lord Viren gestured to Rayla. “Has misled you twice that. Do you truly believe that her weapons are just for protection--”

Rayla pressed her sword to his throat. “We’d be fools to walk into your kingdom, with our dragons, unprepared. Don’t think we don’t know what dark mages do with the dragons they find.”

Lord Viren glared at her. Then, he snorted. “Very well, then. Kill me.” He raised his chin. “Kill me and let the war begin.”

Rayla’s elbow bent. The sword retracted slightly.

Hesitation.

“Don’t say that to her,” Callum’s voice was soft. His eyes were not.

The guards approached Rayla. She readied her blades for a fight. Dragons snarled--

“That is enough.”

The king had never sounded so venomous. Not in Callum’s living memory.

The crownguard at his back were small compared to King Harrow’s glowering anger at the scene before him. Guards that weren’t holding dragons immediately stepped back from whatever they were doing.

“What is the meaning of this?” King Harrow demanded.

“Your majesty, I discovered Prince Callum cooperating with this elven girl to free this Tempest. I had him put away because he was a danger to the trainers and the other dragons.”

The king frowned and raised a brow. “Put away?”

“You locked him in a cage for weeks! I’m the one who had to feed him so he didn’t starve,” Callum fought against the guards restraining him. “Your majesty, please, he’s not a bad dragon. I know I shouldn’t have been this close to him by myself, but he’s good and he doesn’t deserve to be left in a tiny cage to die.”

The king narrowed his eyes at the guards holding Callum. “If you know what is good for you, I suggest you both let my son go.” The guards obeyed, letting Callum go so fast he almost stumbled to the ground. King Harrow’s gaze softened. “Callum, of course he doesn’t deserve that. Why didn’t you come to me about this sooner if you were so concerned?”

Callum pursed his lips. He wasn’t sure how to answer. “I… I just didn’t want it to get in the way of everything that was going on.”

The king sighed. He turned to Rayla. “Are you hurt, Rayla?”

Rayla stiffened. She shook her head.

“Good. Runaan will want to see you when he hears of this. I can’t imagine he would be very happy if you were.” He turned to Viren. “As for you--”

“Your majesty--”

“No. We will discuss this later. After I make sure the Tempest is placed somewhere safe for the night. You will also let Rayla’s dragon go.”

“Harrow.”

“Now.”

They stared at each other for a split second. Viren hesitated. He bowed.

The guards let Luna go. She snapped at them and returned to Rayla’s side, snarling protectively at them while Rayla smoothed down the crescent spines on her back. Rayla hushed her, keeping one hand on her saddle.

“This is over. I won’t have any more trouble. Before the night is truly over, I must now explain this to the Xadians,” said King Harrow. He turned to Rayla and Callum. “I’d like the both of you to remain here and I will escort you both back to the castle.”

“I can get back on my own,” Rayla protested.

“I have no doubt that you can, but nothing will happen to you if you are accompanied by me. And as far as I’m concerned, your safety is my responsibility until you return to Runaan’s charge when we get back to the castle. “

Rayla didn’t argue, but it was clear she wasn’t looking forward to seeing Runaan after all of this.

Callum stepped forward to go to the Tempest, but the king stopped him. “Your Majesty--”

Something flickered in his eyes before he set sturdy hands on Callum’s shoulders. “Not right now, Callum.”

“Please,” Callum looked at the dragon still struggling on the ground. “Just let me help him.”

“Tomorrow. Right now, he’s an agitated, cornered creature. I won’t risk you getting hurt. Let us get him somewhere where he can calm down.”

“Can’t we just let him free?”

“Not if he’s upset enough that he might attack someone. Tomorrow, Callum.” The king’s voice broke a little. “I promise.”

Callum felt the faintest touch on his arm. He looked over his shoulder at Rayla, pulling back as if she weren’t sure what she was doing. Still, the tone in her voice was anything but harsh. “Callum…”

His eyes burned. “I can’t just leave him like this.”

“I know, but... he’s kind of right.” She pointedly did not look at the king. “We don’t want him to end up getting hurt.”

Luna groaned at him, tugging gently on his sleeve.

He hated this.

He really hated this.

Callum stepped back, but he didn’t turn away. Rayla never left his side which made it easier -- if only a little -- to deal with the fear that crept into his heart.

--

This was the longest chapter yet! This chapter is almost at the halfway point for this fic. It's right about there and this was an important chapter, marking other important chapters. Soon, very soon. The Tempest also, for me, becomes more and more real as the chapters go on. His place in Callum's life a little more solidified each time. The chapters coming after this are going to be very important and the fic is really going to wind up.

As always, guys I love it when you leave those reviews, they really keep me going and really keep me going. I sincerely thank you guys for your patience with me on this fic and Sides of the Moon because with school going it's harder to write, but I'm going to keep going! Train's not stopping anytime soon! Thank you for reading! Tune in for next chapter!

[captainjetrocketboy]

I’m Tryna Understand These Days ~ 2

Also on Ao3.

Chapter 2: Can’t Regret the Things I Don’t Try

Turned out Callum’s braver than he thought.

Or at least, he was foolish enough to admit to Whitney what’s got him so on edge. He wasn’t that bold quite yet, so he opted for a sort of half-truth. He confessed that he wasn’t worthy of being married to a woman like her. She was wonderful, smart, and deserving of only the best. Callum told her that he couldn’t give her what she really needed; a man that would treat her right and love her unconditionally.

Thing is, Callum left out what was probably the most important part of his confession. Whitney was, to be expected, very upset at what he was telling her. She had tears welling up in her eyes, and her arms were waving about as she demanded why. While there was hurt and pain conveyed through her voice, Callum thought he could hear traces of concern. 

Of course Whitney would still be worried about his own troubles, despite her husband-to-be wanting to call their marriage off. She really was something else entirely. Something he wished to strive for someday.

But he couldn’t give a reason. It’s not that he didn’t have one. He knew exactly what—or rather, who—made him reconsider his decisions. Their name was only three little letters long, but Callum didn’t have it in him to say it out loud. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault but his, so he wanted to keep all the blame on him. Even though the other man played a large part in his epiphany, it was Callum who so stupidly waited until the last minute to finally do something about it.

So instead, he simply told her that there was no reason. It was just what he felt in his heart. He truly did love her, and he hadn’t been lying when he would say as much. But he couldn’t love her in the way that she would want. In the way that either of them wanted.

As Whitney calmed down a bit, it looked like she was really trying to get her head around what he’s just admitted. Eventually, she told him that his explanation was good enough for now. It was apparently more than she expected Callum to tell her, considering she knew how he could get at times. 

He didn’t know if it was right to feel relieved, but it was what Callum felt as he watched Whitney take off the engagement ring he had given her. She handled the piece of jewelry with care, and she had shut her eyes closed as she slowly placed it atop the nightstand. The purple gem inside glinted in the setting sun’s light. 

Callum could only stand back, leaning on the door, as he watched Whitney pack up her things through his own tears. She said she was going to stay with Tiffany for a while. Didn’t say how long, but he knew this was it for them. She would come back eventually for more answers, though they both agreed that they could use the space to put things into perspective.

He helped her carry her things downstairs up until they reached the front door of the parlour. He set the bags down at her feet, and they just stood there for a moment. Frozen in place, as if neither wanted to let the other person go. Callum might not have wanted to marry Whitney, but she was still an amazing friend. He hoped he made her happy. It was the least he could do in return after all she’s done to make him happy.

They said their goodbyes, and after what felt like an eternity, Whitney made her leave.

As he watched her go, he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. His entire body was shaking, and once he closed the door, he slid down to the floor with his back to it, he legs suddenly weak.

It was done. The wedding was off.

Even though Callum couldn’t say everything he really wanted to say, he’ll take this one tiny step as a big victory for the future. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy that feeling of being a bit closer to freedom. He could take pride in his moment of bravery. It gave him hope that, someday, he’ll be able to live a life that’s worth living. One where he can be genuinely happy. One where he doesn’t have to lie to anyone about who he is.

As he sat there recollecting himself, his mind wandered to a certain someone. No doubt Ben would be proud of him for finally taking a step in the right direction. For finally standing up for himself. That thought alone made his heart start to race again. It was the good kind, though. The kind that was accompanied by the butterflies. The kind that got him excited with want and need for the other man.

He was about to head back upstairs to grab his phone. He wanted to tell Ben the news, and to have him be the first one to know.

But that was when he remembered.

Callum had pushed Ben away. For good.

Back was the crushing guilt that weighed on his whole being. He recalled how cruel—how vicious—he was to Ben that night. Ben, who had only wanted what was best for Callum. Ben, who had confessed his love. Ben, who Callum had loved back with all his heart.

That was the same Ben who Callum had told to never come back.

It had been probably five or six days since then. He really didn’t want to be counting the days, but his mind unconsciously kept track of how much time had passed by. He wasn’t sure if he should be grateful or disappointed that Ben had actually listened to what Callum had spat out. Of all the things he had to abide by, it just had to be Callum’s rejection.

He wasn’t really sure if Ben even wanted to hear what he had to say. 

There was that doubt again. The part of him that doubted any and all affection directed towards him. Surely, his brain was just tricking him into thinking that Ben would really just drop Callum like that. He was respecting Callum’s decision, even if it was a downright terrible one, and he should be appreciating that.

It didn’t mean that Ben wanted nothing to do with Callum anymore, though. Hell, the man had disclosed his love for him. There was no way those feelings could vanish at the snap of a finger.

The sun had made its descent, and the parlour had been cloaked in shadow. Callum wasn’t aware of how fast the day went by, seeing as how his conversation with Whitney seemed to last ages. But even if their relationship had to end, Callum was now that much closer to having one that meant so much more. A relationship where he could be himself.

He stood up, and steadily made his way back up to the now empty flat. He took another deep breath, and told himself that this was for the best. He undressed and collapsed on the bed. It seemed too big for a single person, but hopefully it won’t stay that way much longer.

If Ben wanted to talk to Callum, then he’d let him know. For now, Callum decided to let things settle down first. He needed to prepare for the inevitable talks with everyone else.

- - -

Some weeks later, Callum woke up to his alarm, along with the pitter-patter of rain outside the windows, his eyes fluttering open. It still didn’t feel quite real at that moment. Whitney was gone, he wasn’t getting married, and most importantly, after all this time, he had the opportunity to give Ben and him a proper chance. 

For the most part, the people who knew about the wedding were somewhat supportive of their choices, though he did receive some choice words from the obvious persons.

Still, he hadn’t heard from Ben at all since that one night. But Callum’s done waiting. He’d truly be a fool if he didn’t go for it soon.

But first things first, he had to apologize to Ben for their awful encounter. He just hoped Ben was still looking for an apology. That he could say sorry and, just like that, they’d be okay. Of course he knew it wouldn’t be that simple, but he was willing to go to great lengths to make Ben forgive him.

He was glad today was his day off from work. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to explain to Jay what was going on in his head. At least this way, he had an excuse to go out and see Ben, wherever he was. He thinks of all people, he deserved to be told by Callum personally, instead of him finding out from some stranger. He just hopes he hasn’t found out yet.

Callum swiftly got dressed in a simple button-down and dark jeans, but as he looked out the window to see the mild storm, he put on his military jacket over top. Looking around for his phone, he spotted it haphazardly thrown to the bedside table. He tried not to pay too much attention to the ring that still sat there next to the lamp. 

He shook his head, refocusing on the task at hand. He made his way down and out the building, opting to stand under the small awning that hung right outside the parlour as he stared down at his phone. His thumb lingered over Ben’s number, suddenly hesitating. He was so sure about this, though, and he wasn’t about to waste this chance.

But does Ben want to talk right now? What if he’s busy? Or out in the town with some other bloke?

Callum groaned in frustration at his own thoughts. He tried to tell himself to get it together, and just call him.

As he struggled with his inner self, Callum noticed someone hastily sprint towards him out of the corner of his eye. The bloke was probably just looking for shelter from the rain, if his pulled-up hoodie and downturned head was anything to go by.

Callum took a step back, and leaned his shoulder against the wall next to the door. The fella stopped to take a breather, obviously thankful for the bit of roof above him. He started to pat the leather jacket he had on top, trying his best to dry himself off.

Wait a minute… That jacket looked suspiciously similar to one that belonged to a certain someone. Come to think of it, the guy’s whole figure seemed familiar. His height, build, all of it. Could it really be him?

Callum’s questions were answered as the other man flipped his hoodie off, and he was greeted with a sight he’ll never get tired of. Ben Mitchell, and all of his beautiful features, was standing to the right of Callum. His face had a couple new scars, and all he wanted to do was kiss them away. He was actually here... What were the chances?

“B-Ben!” Callum accidentally let out, still shocked at the coincidence. Maybe the universe was finally working in his favor. “How have, uh... how’ve ya been?”

Ben didn’t turn to face Callum. Instead, his gaze was overseeing the square, not quite focused on anything in particular. Either Ben was ignoring him, or he honestly didn’t hear his stuttering somehow. Callum went with the latter and tried again.

“Ben? You alright? I haven’t seen ya in a while,” Callum spoke, this time with more confidence.

Ben's eyes were still wandering, but they caught a glimpse of Callum, and he finally turned to face him. At least he got Ben’s attention now. He gulped, that confidence quickly trickling away.

“Ya talkin’ to me?” Ben questioned as he continued to try to wipe himself dry.

Callum started to blush, not quite knowing why he was getting flustered. Seems the other man just has that kind of effect on him.

“Yeah, Ben. I was just comin’ to see ya. I wanted to—”

Ben held up a single hand, interrupting Callum. “Sorry, uh, but do I know ya?”

What the hell?

Callum’s mouth twitched upward. Was this some kind of prank? “C-Course you do, Ben. What’re ya playin’ at?”

As he pushed off the wall and met Ben’s eyes, he noticed something that was… missing. Something that he yearned for all day and all night. That feeling of desire that was always expressed whenever Ben was with Callum was just… not there anymore. His heart was really starting to beat fast now.

“I ain’t playin’ at anything.” Ben shook his head as he frowned. “But you seem to know me. Who are ya anyway? Were you a hookup, or were ya like a mate?”

Callum felt his stomach drop into a deep abyss. Why the hell was Ben doing this to him? Sure, he probably deserved some mean words from him, but this wasn’t what he was expecting. It was almost as if Ben genuinely didn’t know who Callum was. But that can’t be possible, right? How could he forget the man he loves in such a short time?

“No! Ben, I—”

Suddenly, a phone blared through the tense air between them. Ben reached into his pocket and fished out the device. His face was unreadable.

“Sorry mate, but that’s my cue to leave. Booty calls, as I like to say. Though, ya not bad yourself. Maybe I’ll see ya around.”

Ben gave one small wink as he sprinted back out into the rain. Before he could replace his hood over his head, Callum noticed a new scar along the back of his head. It was much larger than anything he’d seen on Ben.

So there Callum was left, all confused, hurt, and dumbstruck at the same time.

Something was definitely up with Ben, and Callum was going to get to the bottom of it. There was no way in hell that he was going to let Ben walk away this time.

If there was ever a time Callum wanted to brave, it would be now.

[imstillabiggay]

Day 6 (Brave Face - Frank Turner)

if we have to do this, let’s do it smiling

After Ben had told Callum that he wasn’t worth the hassle, whatever they relationship they shared turned rocky. Callum would every so often try and interact with Ben but Ben was quick to brush him off, not sure he would be able to just see Callum as just a mate, not when he had developed some sort of feelings towards the man during the messy affair.

That was until Callum had found him upset about his dad, about everything, and Ben had his guard down. It was the perfect opportunity for Callum to sweep in and steal Ben’s affection all over again. Without meaning to, they had shared a round two that night only it had been much more intimate than either man had been expecting but it was exactly what they both had needed. Ever since then, they took what they could, Ben ignored Callum and Whitney’s relationship as much as possible and Callum ignored the guilt in his gut whenever he shared a bed with another person who wasn’t his fiancé.

This was why Ben never expected Callum to whisper that he wanted to marry Whitney the night before he was due to. Ben had allowed himself to believe that it would all work out, that Callum would change his mind last minute but had clearly been stupid in doing so. Then again, Ben never claimed to be a genius which was one of the reasons he found himself at the wedding, tucked into the back with Lexi and Lola. The wedding was due to start at eleven and it had just hit eleven thirty, Ben could see Mitch and Stuart up at the front beginning to panicking whilst the rest of the guests just looked curious. A lot of things over the past month had been surprising to Ben, but the fact Callum seemed like a no-show at his own wedding was not one of those things.

As discreetly as he could, Ben slipped from the pew, ignoring Lola’s harsh whisper of his name as he left the room. Whitney was sat outside with Bianca and Tiff, looking like she was doing her damned hardest not to cry while the other two woman comforted her and tried their best to reassure her. Ben moved past them silently.

“Couldn’t find a more adventurous hiding spot?” Ben hummed as he walked into the funeral parlour to see Callum sat behind the desk, his face red from the tears that had obviously been streaming down it. He looked petrified and not at all amused with Ben. “You got a lot of people waiting for you back there,” Ben continued still, walking over to the desk and perching on the edge of it. Callum looked amazing. The suit was perfectly fitted and the colours of it complimented him beautifully, it was a shame really.

“I want to marry her, I do. I’m just scared,” Callum whispered, his hands clearly trembling no matter how much he tried to hide it. “She deserves better. I’ve been cheating on her for the past month and it ain’t right. You deserve better, you shouldn’t have to watch me marry her, it ain’t fair on you,” Callum babbled, his voice cracking halfway through his sentence and Ben shuffled a little closer, taking Callum’s shaking hand to give it a light squeeze.

“You really want to do this?” Ben whispered, knowing that Callum would understand the deeper meaning behind the question. That Ben was asking if Callum wanted to throw away his his whole life, if he wanted to keep living a lie and move on without Ben. Callum nodded and Ben’s breath shook slightly on his next inhale. Ben had no choice but to respect Callum’s decision, even if he truly believed Callum was making the wrong one. “Then here’s what you’re going to do,” Ben stood so that he could pull Callum up out of his chair too. “You’re going to put on a brave face, go out there and marry her. Take a deep breath, this whole situation is messy and it might hurt right now but it ain’t going to be that way forever. You can be happy with Whitney, the way you were before,” Ben didn’t believe his own words as he spoke. Callum was going to live a lie and it wasn’t going to be easy, it was going to be messed up and scary but Ben wasn’t going to beg the man not to get married, he promised himself he’d never do that.

It wasn’t long before Callum had steeled himself, splashed his face with cold water and finally looked ready to go out there and throw away any chance of happiness that he had, to repress everything all over again like he had done years ago. Ben put on his own brave face as he fixed Callum’s tie, his smile wobbling only slightly. “Go get her, tiger,” Ben pressed a kiss to Callum’s cheek. Callum’s laugh was more nervous than excited but still, he left, not once looking over his shoulder at Ben, at his only chance of freedom, as he walked out of the funeral parlour and away from the person he was truly in love with.

[rylie-barton]

⌜   CIS FEMALE, SHE / HER   |   the hearse by matt maeson, gryffindor, infp   ⌟    ⏤   meet RYLIE NATALIA BARTON ; a TWENTY TWO year old who kind of resembles WILLA HOLLAND, don’t you think? she originally hailed from NEW YORK CITY where she lived with her parents, CLINT BARTON & NATASHA ROMANOFF (   MARVEL   ), but word is that she’s been making strides to rejoin shield and finish her law degree this past year. she’s always been pretty AUDACIOUS & COMPASSIONATE, but has gotten way more CODEPENDENT & PRIDEFUL since she woke up. maybe her ability of WEAPON PROFICIENCY and power of INNATE COMBAT can help in taking down the dome. you can check out her stat page HERE& her pinterest board HERE.

i was a woman who thought only of dead things                                        ( all the time ). i couldn’t HELP it.

part one of two : the backstory.    (   trigger warnings for talk of death, drug / alcohol abuse.

born on july 21st, 1996, to clint barton & barbara morse. the youngest of three children, lewis and callum were five and nine respectively at the time of her birth. 

her mother and brothers died in a house fire when she was just three months old ; the files concerning the accident are blacked out and encrypted, and the story given to rylie amounts to ‘your mother went missing in action.’ 

understandably, she’s always wanted to know more ; unfortunately, she’s never had the means in which to find anything out.

raised by clint. really loved, but vaguely overprotected. ‘aunt nat’ was in her life from minute one, essentially, a shoulder for clint to lean on and a motherly presence that rylie found she craved. in time, they got married. it never felt anything but natural.

she was raised alongside the rest of the next gen ; troy banner, dan rogers, calder thorson & phoebe stark. they were and remain the closest thing to siblings that rylie has ever had, and as the youngest, she got to annoy them endlessly and still be assured that whatever may have happened down the line, they would always have her back.

as a little girl, rylie’s dreams amounted to little more than being the prima balllerina of her company. if she couldn’t be that, she would have settled for being an award winning pianist. she was a remarkably ordinary little girl, the only thing completely out of the norm about her being the fact that her father had her trained from the time she could walk to use a weapon, and her stepmother had her taught well how to fight. 

her time in school was... tough, to put it mildly. she was homeschooled at certain points, and moved around a lot for others. kids could be cruel, and rylie’s self esteem was never destined to be that good. 

rylie’s lift changing can be pinpointed as the moment that shield enlisted her, along with the rest of the next gen. she was just a LITTLE KID - playing dress up in between recitals, saving the world before she’d ever really even lived in it. they were kids trained for war. how could any of them have ever been well adjusted?

she dropped out of ballet. she stopped attending her piano lessons. the only thing that mattered was working with her team. how stupid she feels, now, to have been so caught up in trying to be an adult that she forgot to have a childhood.

her friends meant EVERYTHING to her. 

she started attending the same school as phoebe because the other girl made a strong case to clint for rylie, so she wouldn’t have to go through another year of torment. she didn’t just LOVE her. she wanted to be her. to compare to the beautiful and intelligent and utterly flawless phoebe stark was something that she always knew would be impossible, but tried to do, anyway.

troy was her BIG BROTHER. he still is. when she was scared of storms, he would stay awake and hold her through the night to help her through. they teased one another mercilessly, but at the end of the day, they always knew just how much they loved one another - it was all in good spirit, and at points, it was what both of them needed. 

daniel, the voice of reason - not just for rylie, but for everyone. she always looked up to him, both as a leader and as a friend. he made good calls. he tried to do right by everyone. it wasn’t easy to do - and looking back, rylie hates how it all rested on his shoulders when he was just a KID - but he did it anyway.

and calder...- she’s always loved him, even when it was difficult. back then, it wasn’t. he was always a stoic, but how much he loved them all was evident. he was her training partner and best friend, always present, even when he didn’t know what to say, or do. 

the five of them were like some kind of mismatched breakfast club, but no one in the world understood what it was like to grow up with heroes for parents as well as they did.

and then PHOEBE died. rylie was sixteen years old. the rest of them weren’t much older. loki attacked avengers tower while their parents were away on a mission, and she tried to protect calder ; it wasn’t anybody’s fault except loki’s that she fell that day, but they all shouldered the guilt regardless. rylie never was the same. 

in the months after, rylie tried to numb the pain, the responsibility. she couldn’t sleep, so she took pills that were meant to help. when they didn’t, she took more. the subsequent overdose was swept under the carpet, the choice to send her to wda alongside the rest of the guys their way of trying to bring some life back to her, after. it was phoebe’s dream they were living, after all. maybe being there with them would help.

believe it or not : it DIDN’T. walt disney academy was living under the threat of the darkness at the time, and rylie was one of many students who fell victim. while on a mission with shield in late 2014, she was shot ; it was a horrible event that weakened rylie more than just in her resolve, and months later, the darkness took hold. under its influence, she hurt people that she didn’t know, and she hurt one’s that she did, too. her freedom was temporary, she and many other students were taken over once more, and troy saved the day by drawing out the good ; but enough had been enough. 

rylie turned to alcohol. the rest was history. she drank to sleep. she drank to get herself through the day. she drank when she was happy, when she was achingly sad, when she was just trying to feel something. she would go on weekend benders that bled into the weeknights when the littlest inconvenience happened, and drunk, she made some truly horrible decisions with some truly terrible people. she kept hurting the people she loved. she kept ruining her relationships. it became a cycle, wash and repeat.

whatever she might have had with emmett wicks, a rock she leant on during the early darkness saga, was gone as quick as it came. rylie got too involved too quick with alexander kaligaris, with disastrous results. we know how unhealthy that particular relationship turned out. 

shield suspended her from active duty in early 2017. she was over the legal limit to drive and still thought she could go on a mission for them, and she could have gotten her whole team killed. she didn’t, but it didn’t matter. they were right to do what they did, but rylie took it personally ; she lashed out. she made bad choices. she had lost the ONLY thing she really had left. her father wanted to pull her from school to try and help, and she point blank refused. it caused a rift between them, for understandable reasons. without her dad, without her family, without many of her friends - rylie just got worse. 

in the summer of ‘17, the school suffered from an earthquake during prom. rylie took a hard fall, and the resulting head trauma damaged her eardrum. it wasn’t her father coming back to support her during the subsequent operation to try and fix it that gave rylie a wake up call. it was her pregnancy, discovered a few weeks later ; rylie always loved, and alex always left. one mistake from the two of them caused a bigger one that spooked her. rylie made the choice to have an abortion. she took control of her own life, for once, instead of allowing it spin even more out of control - and she started attending alcoholics anonymous, almost immediately after. 

part two of two : what u missed on glee.

rylie has been sober for 21 months and counting. it’s as hard for me to believe it as it is for you all, i’m sure ; but she’s been doing BETTER. she’s been back training, brushing up on some old skills that she let get rusty. she’s healthy, too, the sallow look to her skin that everyone got accustomed to long gone. to say it was easy for her, or that she didn’t have moments of doubts, would be... totally incorrect. she’s just been fighting through.

she was one more bad month away from flunking out of her law degree, the last time y’all saw her ; but she’s picked up in the past year, really knuckling down to try and catch up, for one, and do better, for another. she’s still worried that she’s going to have to do an extra year, to finish, but she’s dedicated to doing so if she’s GOTTA. 

her relationship with her father? fixed. clint has always put rylie above all else, and never would have even required the apologies she gave, really. likewise with the relationship she has with natasha. both of them forgive her for her weakness, though it’s unlikely that rylie ever will. we love on ( 1 ) girl with a guilt complex.

the one thing that ISN’T fixed is her hearing, at least not 100%. she has a loss of fifty nine db in her right ear, and that’s probably never going to change. it makes her and her father even more alike, though i’m sure clint would have rathered the similarities not be so much. 

as of right now, she’s prepping for a hearing with the board of directors at shield on whether she should be reinstated as an active agent. she’s passed all of the physicals, and she’s been in therapy for about as long as she’s been sober, working through her issues. she’s still got miles to go, but they’re certainly optimistic. rylie moved past feeling hard done by a long time ago, and now she just... wants to be a part of the agency, again, in a way where she can actually be of help. 

[crcwnguard]

i wrote this a while ago when s1 just came out. abt 1k+ worth of soren analysis

Soren is such an interesting character, let’s be honest, y'all,  and we all understand the dumbassery, however, we’re all forgetting something important and it seems like many of the people in the show do too. Soren may act like a dumbass, but he’s hardly a complete dumbass. Soren is the commanding officer, and considering the fact that the kingdom is currently in war, this isn’t something to forget when he is the youngest crown guard of the century. He’s honestly an amazing character, considering this but, Soren also has some key points.

 Soren is a bit of a mystery to figure out when taking in account his character. He’s just so. Much, you know? I believe that he brings himself into the idea that he’s an idiot in order to let his sister, Claudia, shine. (Not saying that Claudia isn’t smart all on her own. She’s truly amazing, and I’ll talk about her later.) But it’s obvious that Soren isn’t as oblivious as he may seem. He is easily able to understand Callum in the first episode when he wants to impress Claudia without having to be told about the situation. Not only that, but he’s able to pinpoint when something isn’t wrong. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see very many of these times arise.

Soren is quite obviously a morally gray character. He is constantly seeking the attention of his father, in an attempt to be recognized, to which he is most commonly shot down at a moments notice. This usually causes him to create an outburst, not an explosive one, but one where he simply says whatever he thinks about immediately. His attention himself also lapses, and it’s obvious that it’s often because of the way that Viren (or lord virgin, whatever) treats him. 

Soren’s outbursts only cause the idea that he’s an idiot to continue, and the things he enjoys (like working out) also pushed that ideal, mainly because of the stereotypes of “big dumb jock” and while he himself may seem dumb, I believe he just has a slow processing ability in his mind, particularly when it comes to auditory processing in his mind, and I think this sets him back quite a bit, because we’re all aware of his prowess when it comes to fighting capabilities. His sister, who is book smart, and his father, who is wise, are seen as a norm in their family and because of this, he falls on the outside o the circle and leaves him by himself, and it’s obvious when it comes to proof over his neglect from his father. His relationship with his father is stunted at best, and it’s probably only because of Claudia and her uniqueness and overall, well, herness that she is able to exist as the character he is. You could even say she saves him, as in his personality, and that’s what makes the thing between lord virgin and claudia towards the end of the season so important and devastating. (Which again, I’ll explain in later paragraphs bc dsklfjdklfslfdsjl.)

 However, not only does Soren not hold anger for his father, he doesn’t hold anger for his sister, who is instead the favorite of their father. In a time of need, though it hasn’t been shown just yet, he would risk life and limb in order t protect his sister, his siblings– this including Callum and Ezran. Callum and Ezran are pretty much siblings to him and he wants to do everything he can to protect them, as is shown when he’s entrusted with the role of finding them and “rescuing” them by Lord Virgin, and in total leading to the conflict that we’ll see very soon. (Which I’m again, going to discuss. In like, the next paragraph or somethin.)

 It’s honestly hard to see whether Soren will choose blood relations or if he’ll fall into the ideal of family is whom you choose. Soren relies, as a character, on his father’s permissions and the attention of his father, and rather, that seems about right to me. Much like Rayla, Soren relies on being other people and while it’s not as big of his personality, it is there. He’s scared that his father eventually abandon him, because of his favoritism of Claudia. Along those lines as well, he’s scared that Claudia will follow behind his father as well.

But we can also think about Soren’s relationship with Callum and Ezran, considering that they grew up together. It’s obvious that Callum and Soren are very close– it’s apparent in the way they talk to each other, and considering the fact that Callum and Ezran are both princes, they’re not treated with as high respect as you would guess from someone of Soren’s status. Soren is, just like his father, a servant and would otherwise be punished if it wasn’t for the close relations between the two of them. And that’s why it’s going to be hard for Soren to decide. The safety of Callum and Ezran has been his duty from the time he was younger– He was literally raised to be into thay role, which again lead to him not having a childhood. Without a childhood, it may be the reason why, opposite of Rayla, he’s very childish. It’s why he’s able to have fun. He allows himself to have this freedom, of playing around, because of his training Callum (away from his fathers eyes) and why he probably enjoys it so much.

But on the other side of the spectrum, we also need to be aware of the problem with Claudia. If Claudia falls into the “dark side” of the scale, will he follow? Or will he choose the right decision. The right decision, that’s quite opposite to what his father spoke of. But then again, Soren is just a good character, and he has the qualities of a hero. As does Claudia, but it’s also quite possible that he’ll fall into the lies that his father spews. It may be that because he believes in his fathers ability to give him the attention he wants, despite already having people who quite actually look up to him (Aka, the princes), and fall into the hands of the dark side as well. It would be interesting to see him struggle against his own morals with the ideals that his father creates for him. 

and this is where i stopped lol

[romanwrites]

i wrote this a while ago when s1 just came out. abt 1k+ worth of soren analysis

Soren is such an interesting character, let's be honest, y'all,  and we all understand the dumbassery, however, we're all forgetting something important and it seems like many of the people in the show do too. Soren may act like a dumbass, but he's hardly a complete dumbass. Soren is the commanding officer, and considering the fact that the kingdom is currently in war, this isn't something to forget when he is the youngest crownguard of the century. He's honestly an amazing character, considering this but, Soren also has some key points.

 Soren is a bit of a mystery to figure out when taking in account his character. He's just so. Much, you know? I believe that he brings himself into the idea that he's an idiot in order to let his sister, Claudia, shine. (Not saying that Claudia isn't smart all on her own. She's truly amazing, and I'll talk about her later.) But it's obvious that Soren isn't as oblivious as he may seem. He is easily able to understand Callum in the first episode when he wants to impress Claudia without having to be told about the situation. Not only that, but he's able to pinpoint when something isn't wrong. Unfortunately, we don't get to see very many of these times arise.

Soren is quite obviously a morally gray character. He is constantly seeking the attention of his father, in an attempt to be recognized, to which he is most commonly shot down at a moments notice. This usually causes him to create an outburst, not an explosive one, but one where he simply says whatever he thinks about immediately. His attention himself also lapses, and it's obvious that it's often because of the way that Viren (or lord virgin, whatever) treats him. 

Soren's outbursts only cause the idea that he's an idiot continue, and the things he enjoys (like working out) also pushed that ideal, mainly because of the stereotypes of "big dumb jock" and while he himself may seem dumb, I believe he just has a slow processing ability in his mind, particularly when it comes to auditory processing in his mind, and I think this sets him back quite a bit, because we're all aware of his prowess when it comes to fighting capabilities. His sister, who is book smart, and his father, who is wise, are seen as a norm in their family and because of this, he falls on the outside o the circle and leaves him by himself, and it's obvious when it comes to proof over his neglect from his father. His relationship with his father is stunted at best, and it's probably only because of Claudia and her uniqueness and overall, well, herness that she is able to exist as the character he is. You could even say she saves him, as in his personality, and that's what makes the thing between lord virgin and claudia towards the end of the season so important and devastating. (Which again, I'll explain in later paragraphs bc dsklfjdklfslfdsjl.) 

However, not only does Soren not hold anger for his father, he doesn't hold anger for his sister, who is instead the favorite of their father. In a time of need, though it hasn't been shown just yet, he would risk life and limb in order t protect his sister, his siblings-- this including Callum and Ezran. Callum and Ezran are pretty much siblings to him and he wants to do everything he can to protect them, as is shown when he's entrusted with the role of finding them and "rescuing" them by Lord Virgin, and in total leading to the conflict that we'll see very soon. (Which I'm again, going to discuss. In like, the next paragraph or somethin.)

It's honestly hard to see whether Soren will choose blood relations or if he'll fall into the ideal of family is whom you choose. Soren relies, as a character, on his father's permissions and the attention of his father, and rather, that seems about right to me. Much like Rayla, Soren relies on being other people and while it's not as big of his personality, it is there. He's scared that his father eventually abandon him, because of his favoritism of Claudia. Along those lines as well, he's scared that Claudia will follow behind his father as well. 

But we can also think about Soren's relationship with Callum and Ezran, considering that they grew up together. It's obvious that Callum and Soren are very close-- it's apparent in the way they talk to each other, and considering the fact that Callum and Ezran are both princes, they're not treated with as high respect as you would guess from someone of Soren's status. Soren is, just like his father, a servant and would otherwise be punished if it wasn't for the close relations between the two of them. And that's why it's going to be hard for Soren to decide. The safety of Callum and Ezran has been his duty from the time he was younger-- He was literally raised to be into thay role, which again lead to him not having a childhood. Without a childhood, it may be the reason why, opposite of Rayla, he's very childish. It's why he's able to have fun. He allows himself to have this freedom, of playing around, because of his training Callum (away from his fathers eyes) and why he probably enjoys it so much.

But on the other side of the spectrum, we also need to be aware of the problem with Claudia. If Claudia falls into the "dark side" of the scale, will he follow? Or will he choose the right decision. The right decision, that's quite opposite to what his father spoke of. But then again, Soren is just a good character, and he has the qualities of a hero. As does Claudia, but it's also quite possible that he'll fall into the lies that his father spews. It may be that because he believes in his fathers ability to give him the attention he wants, despite already having people who quite actually look up to him (Aka, the princes), and fall into the hands of the dark side as well. It would be interesting to see him struggle against his own morals with the ideals that his father creates for him. 

and this is where i stopped lol

[have-theory-will-headcanon]

“You Are Free” - The Kids of TDP

Warning: LONG POST AHEAD

I’ve seen some posts going around in the TDP fandom about how the children rulers of the human kingdoms, especially Aanya, are running their kingdom poorly, or will run their kingdom poorly in Ezran’s case. The biggest argument I’ve seen about this is addresses how Aanya handled Viren’s request to join him and the other rulers in combining her forces with his to fight the Xadians. Now, I get why her decision not to send soldiers into battle might strike a lot of people as a poor decision. Strategically speaking in a real war, it would be. But I think some people are forgetting that 

A: TDP is primarily a kids’ show and that real war and the choices people would make during such times has no standing here, and 

B: the point of the show is to illustrate to the primary audience (kids) how sometimes the right choice is not fighting, but listening, and understanding, because what you may have been taught about a place and its people may not be entirely true, or fair. (An especially important lesson for our youngsters given the current state of the world.)

We see during Viren’s proposal to the other kings and queens of the human kingdoms the backstory as to how Queen Sarai and Aanya’s parents, the Queens of Duren, gave their lives in order to ensure the survival of others. I’ve seen people going after Aanya’s decision to not fight as childish and selfish, but consider this: Yes, thousands of lives were saved by her parents crossing into Xadia and killing the Magma Titan. But how many thousands of lives would be lost if she sent soldiers to fight Xadians? Xadians who, probably, are just defending their territory? Let’s not forget that Xadians have a reason to defend the border and keep humans from crossing into their land. They’ve experienced the fear of realizing that all it takes is one dark mage to suck the life and magical force out of them, and that all they are to some humans is a power source. Imagine if the situation were reversed and you had Xadians trying to get across the border to steal the hearts and body parts of humans to perform spells? Wouldn’t you want to keep them out at all costs? 

And I think that’s the point. Or at least one of the points of the show. There is a huge bias between Xadians and the human kingdoms. The human kingdoms, specifically the ones run by adults, portray residents of Xadia as monsters. Amaya even uses the word “monster” when referring to Rayla. Harrow is not completely without fault either in this aspect, given how readily he went along with Viren’s plan to cross the border into Xadia to seek the heart of the Magma Titan. Viren especially has instilled this belief into many people; his own children included. Xadians are bloodthirsty, heartless monsters, and are only good when used for dark magic. Neither side is innocent, not when it comes to the adults. Even Runaan, clearly an adult by Xadian standards, is shown as being limited by his prejudice and his conviction that there is no other way than the one he–as the experienced leader–has chosen. But the kids are a different story.

The children in TDP represent the dawn of a new era. An era where they have not yet been completely embittered towards Xadia. Aanya refuses to pursue war at the expense of yet more lives, because in spite of losing her parents to the Dragon King, she herself has not truly experienced any reason to loathe Xadians outright. Aanya is a child with the responsibilities of an adult, but she has the ability to see beyond what adults can or will. 

Ezran and Callum have every reason to hate Xadians. Xadians essentially robbed the boys of their mother. In Ezran’s case this is especially hard because it happened before he ever really got to know her. Ezran also does everything to help the very creature that his people would insist on him believing is his greatest enemy, the son of the very being who killed his mother. But he protects Zym, encourages him, and helps him learn to fly. Ezran clearly sees the good in creatures that others instinctively recoil from (i.e. Claudia and the Banther incident) and does what he can to help and understand them.

Callum represents the truth that magic–Primal magic–CAN be done through hard work, understanding, and a willingness to be open minded to something you might not immediately understand. Claudia offers him the alternative of Dark Magic when he admits to wanting to be able to do it again, be he declines, stating that he wants to do “real” magic. Magic that doesn’t require the taking of a life, or inflicting harm on another living being in order to make it work. Let’s also not forget the words that Harrow says to Callum, both while he’s still alive, and in Callum’s fever dream: 

“The great illusion of childhood is that adults have all the power and freedom, but the truth is the opposite, the child is freer than a king.”

“You are free. You are free from the past and the future.” 

Harrow was limited by his own prejudice and his anger towards Xadia, both before and especially after his wife’s death. He made decisions that may not have been the best, but as he faces his imminent death it’s clear he’s starting to realize that, and wishes to do his best to ensure that his sons don’t follow his example and make the same mistakes.

The last instance I can think of for how children have a very different approach to Xadians and the entire human vs elf/dragon war, at least on the human side of things, is Ellis. Ellis is a child who, upon seeing Rayla and meeting Lujanne, smiles and offers help instead of instantly condemning them for being elves. Unlike the man with the Sunforge dagger Rayla briefly interacts with. The man clearly witnesses that Rayla has no intention of hurting him or stealing from him, but still gathers a mob to chase her and the boys out of town. Ellis, on the other hand, takes no time in accepting Rayla and Lujanne as friends. It’s clear that she has no issue with them. Why would she? Her only encounters with Xadians have been entirely positive ones. 

Now to the Xadian side of things. At the moment, we only have two Xadian youngsters on the team, but I’d be surprised if it stays that way for very long. 

Rayla shows that she is young enough to make mistakes but also willing to have the benefit of the doubt and be merciful and forgive. In the first few episodes, we see that’s not immediately the case, as she does her best to prove to Runaan–an adult she clearly loves and respects–that she can do what is expected of her as a Moonshadow assassin. She chases down Callum and Ezran, entirely intent on her mission, until she realizes that everything she thought to be true–everything that adults in Xadia had taught her to believe–was wrong. She doesn’t even hesitate to accept that things are different when sees the egg. Her only goal then is to get the egg safely to Xadia, because in the end that’s all that matters. It does take her a little while to open up to Ezran and Callum, but the important thing is that she does, and forms very clear attachments to both of them. 

Then we have the Dragon Prince himself. Zym is a young dragon who has no reason to dislike humans because most of the humans he’s met have done their best to understand and help him. He is free from the bias of his people because he doesn’t even know who his people are yet. Even when he’s faced with humans who do wish to harm him (Claudia and Soren) we see that it doesn’t change his impression of Callum or Ezran. To him, there are good beings, and not so good beings. Human or Xadian makes no difference. 

Now, stepping back from the kids, let’s take a look at one more adult who very clearly draws the line between good and bad, but not the way we might like. 

From the word “go” Viren dismisses any and all children (even his own) as lesser. When Callum runs up to King Harrow right before the assassination attempt, Viren steps out of the room and tells him “You shouldn’t be here”, then proceeds to take his voice and call him an “impudent little mongrel”. When Viren is faced with Queen Aanya, he is clearly exasperated and asks several times when her escort will be joining them. When she gives her final answer to him at the end of his tale and plea, he rages “This is why we need an adult!” Before that, when he tells Soren he wishes for him to assassinate the Princes, he explains to Soren that Katolis cannot have a child king because he will make “weak decisions”. Viren continually tries throughout the series to express how children are the limited ones, but he is limited by his prejudice and self-importance as an adult. 

And between the adults and the children, we have some interesting in-betweens. Prime example: Soren and Claudia. They’re older, but they’re not adults. They make poor decisions, but also redeem themselves with better decisions and trying to recognize their mistakes. They are the characters caught between whether to do the truly right thing, or whether to do what is expected and perceived as “the right thing” as nearly grown up individuals brought up on their fathers’ flawed teachings. I think Corvus could also technically fall into this category, given he originally went after Rayla on Amaya’s orders, but stopped when he realized he didn’t have quite the whole story.

But basically the point I’m trying to make is that this show is supposed to be about how kids can make a difference in a world where adults are so set in how things are or should be that they can’t or refuse to see how things could be. It’s about how children sometimes make better decisions because they’re not chained down by the responsibilities, or prejudices, of adults. 

This will make for an interesting dynamic once Ezran takes the throne, because he is assuming an adult’s responsibility but still harbors the heart and mind of a child who sees nothing wrong with Xadia or its people–something Viren will probably use to his advantage, assuming he gets out of prison.

[panda-noosh]

wip prep tag

rules: answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

FIRST LOOK

1. describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch).

(give me strength i can never do this) young girl can’t seem to find a way to tell her family that she does not want to follow the path they have set out for her, until she meets a young boy who is determined to help her live the life she wants. 

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

at the moment, it’s a single book. but there is definitely potential for it to go on into little sequel novellas if i’m not tired of the story yet. 

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

bruised knuckles. textbooks. late nights spent overthinking. hearing birds chirp outside your window, bringing you back to reality as you realise you haven’t yet slept. cats. broken families. 

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

the relationship of Julian and Emma in Lady Midnight etc by Cassandra Clare really got me in the mood for writing for Angels Camouflage, though the stories are absolutely nothing alike. 

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel.

these are from my characters pinterest board, so they’re more about the characters than the story - but you can still get a pretty good idea of what i’m tryna get across.

MAIN CHARACTER

6. Who is your protagonist?

Jaime Bardow (yes i changed the spelling of her name), a young girl who is at that point in life where she thinks she needs to have everything sorted, but she soon comes to realise that she does not, in fact, have everything sorted. 

7. Who is their closest ally?

her best friend and ex-girlfriend Lenna! Jaime and Lenna have such a pure friendship, and i’m so excited to explore it and how they help balance each other out. 

8. Who is their enemy?

probably Leo, even though she actually kind of loves him?? like, he causes her so much trouble and puts her through so much stress sometimes, but she still cares for him a whole lot. she kind of believes that she has to care for him, since they’re siblings. 

9. What do they want more than anything?

freedom to do what she wants. a life of her own. a chance to prove to others that she isn’t just the second-coming of her older brother, but her own person with her own hobbies and skills. 

10. Why can’t they have it?

she’s a bit of an anxious mess tbh. her parents have had her entire life planned out for her from the moment she was born, and the idea of turning around and telling them that she doesn’t actually want to do any of what they have set out for her is so nerve wracking that she just plans on holding it off for as long as possible. she doesn’t want to disappoint people, or make people angry, even if it means putting herself through stress and heartbreak first. 

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

that she won’t be good enough on her own. she’s been raised in the shadow of her older brother, has been raised being known as “Leo’s little sister!” it’s all she’s ever known, and so she truly believes that she will simply fall apart without her brother there to keep her together. 

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

she’s around 5′5 (my short lil bean) with short, wavy chestnut coloured hair. she has freckles across her nose and steel grey eyes. she always has a slightly reserved and awkward way to how she stands; her hands folded in front of her, her eyes cast to the floor, her shoulders a little bit stiff as if half expecting someone to come up behind her and tackle her. 

PLOT POINTS

13. What is the internal conflict?

100% her internal conflict stems from her fear of being alone and her need to be independent; it’s a difficult situation to get out of. she’s so afraid of going out into the world and doing things on her own (the things she actually wants to do) but the idea of staying chained to her parents plan for her life drives her insane. she really doesn’t know what to do. 

14. What is the external conflict?

there’s a fair bit of external conflict between Jaime and a number of people in her life. Leo is the most prominent one, considering his disapproval for Jaime doing literally anything on her own terms - he doesn’t like her relationship, he doesn’t like that she often puts school before her business with him, he doesn’t like that she’s quiet instead of outgoing. but there is also conflict between Jaime and her parents, though this is a lot more subtle and a little bit one sided?? her parents are kind of oblivious to the things Jaime wants to do, since she’s too afraid of letting them down, meaning they’re upsetting her without even really knowing. 

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?  

well, considering her worst fear is her family turning on her, probably that. even though her family have been lowkey toxic to her ever since her grandmother passed away and she was forced to move back in with them, she still loves them?? her parents are so oblivious to what they’re doing to her mental state and she knows she needs to just speak up and tell them what’s bothering her, but she can’t. the idea of her finally turning around and telling them the truth, only for them to be disappointed and unsupportive is the worst thing that could happen to her, since that’s what she’s been trying to avoid for so long. 

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

i can’t really say any without giving away spoilers?? let’s just say that Callum (the other protagonist) isn’t exactly what you’d expect, and there’s some moments where Jaime and Callum have to make some very gut wrenching decisions. 

17. Do you know how it ends?

KIND OF. 

BITS AND BOBS

18. What is the theme?  

i know it sounds super cheesy and Young Adult but, the main theme is definitely love and the power that that kind of emotion can hold. 

19. What is a recurring symbol?  

cats??? it makes sense, i promise. 

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

London!! so, very crowded and pretty at night. we spend a lot of times in the estates, so there’s graffiti everywhere and people in tracksuits, and McDonalds bags thrown everywhere. but overall, it’s very nice. 

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

so many. so, so many. i don’t know where any of them are going to go, but we’ll figure it out. 

22. What excited you about this story?  

the relationship. i love writing relationships. romance is my all time favourite part of a book to write, and the ideas i have for Callum and Jaime just give me butterflies because i love thinking of them two just being happy together and living their best life. 

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!  

i sit down, open the word document, stress and cry over the first sentence for a good ten minutes. if those ten minutes pass and i’m able to move on, i can write for hours. but it’s not very rare that those ten minutes pass and i’ve still got zero words. i often just give up and leave it until later lmao.

i’m a MESS when it comes to starting a writing session. unless i’ve left off in the middle of a damn sentence, i will spend a good hour just trying to figure out where to begin. 

i’m tagging @tayluinwrites because i’m thirsty for more information on her WIP thank you very much. 

[theshapeshifter100]

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot RC Ch14

Masterlist

Previous

Next

Chapter Warning: mentioned hostage situation, guns (If I’ve missed something, let me know)

Word Count: 3,819

10.30AM Thursday 11th November 2038

The two groups met up at roughly the same time, with Oscar loading the last of the water into the back.

“Why did you get so much water?” Nathan asked. “There’s only nine of us and I don’t think we’re planning on sticking around that long.”

Julia and Megan looked at each other, clearly trying to decide who was going to explain it. Oscar sighed, and did it for them.

“The soldiers are human too,” he declared, leaning out of the back of the van. “Lack of water will kill them quicker than lack of food.”

Anger flared in Paul’s abdomen, but he couldn’t deny they had a point.

“The others aren’t going to like that.”

“They’re going to have to live with it,” Megan decided with a quiver of uncertainty. “We’ll hand them out, so they won’t be in any danger.”

“And you?” Paul asked. “They may not have weapons, but they can still overpower you.”

“We’ll deal with it when we get back,” Julia jumped in. “For now, let’s just go.”

They climbed back into the van and Megan used the radio as Julia started the engine.

“How’s it at the fort? Over.”

Alex was quickly responding.

“All quiet here. Mission successful? Over.”

“Everything’s good, we’ll be back soon. Over.”

“Great, safe trip. Over and Out.”

11.15AM Thursday 11th November 2038

Alex was waiting anxiously for them to arrive, running over to the van before Julia had even parked.

“Did you get the stuff?” they asked Paul as the back doors opened.

“I’ve got the tools Zach wanted,” he confirmed. “It’s up to him now.”

Alex hopped from foot to foot as they all clambered out. They didn’t even question the amount of water they had brought back, Alex just grabbed Paul and Nathan and expected Ivy to follow.

Alex power walked to the compound and climbed through the fence, barely waiting for everyone else to get through before calling out.

“Zach! They’re back!”

The repair droid appeared from nearby and came over. Paul dropped his bag and opened it, revealing the tools for Zach to inspect.

“Th-this, is,” Zach squinted into the bag. “Everything I need! Did you get Thirium?”

In response Ivy and Nathan dropped their bulging bags to the ground, and Zach all but clapped with glee.

“Ex-excellent!” he turned to Alex, who was looking at him hopefully. “I have not forgotten, I shall get started immediately.”

11.20AM Thursday 11th November 2038

The supplies team couldn’t get all the water through the fence, so decided to leave the large gallon bottles in the van, to stop them freezing. The multipacks were split into as many singles as would fit in a bag and carried over.

Julia went straight to Alex, who was watching Zach set up.

“All good to go?” she asked, and Alex nodded.

“Yeah,” their voice was thick. “I really hope this works.”

“I’m sure it will. Zach knows what he’s doing,” Julia smiled reassuringly at the android, although he wasn’t looking to see it. “Where’s Allison, Lucas and Maggie?”

“Up top,” Alex replied. “They figured they might as well take shifts, since we’re still here.”

“I’ve got Lucas’s meds. Reckon you can give them to him when he comes down?” she asked, and Alex nodded, taking the medication off her. “Now, er,” Julia struggled for a second. “Given the number of soldiers, that we don’t want dying of thirst...”

“Jules, how much more water did you get?” Alex caught on quickly.

“About 80 bottles worth, plus about 3 gallons for us.”

Alex sighed, smiling softly. “I’m not surprised. I’m going to stay here though, so get someone who can shoot if you’re going to hand them out.”

Julia looked at her friend disbelievingly. “I know how to shoot.”

“Oh, oh yeah,” Alex looked sheepish and Julia shook her head.

“Whatever, you’ve got other stuff on your mind. Megan, Oscar, let’s get to it!”

Julia grabbed an assault rifle, after a quick explanation to the nearest android, and met Oscar and Megan by the first disassembling machine. Megan had an armful of water bottles, and Oscar was waiting.

Julia pointed her gun at the middle and nodded to Oscar. He gripped the join between the two jaws of the machine and pulled up, opening a gap.

There were instantly gasps and shouts from inside, but Julia kept the gun steady as Megan began to drop in water bottles. The soldiers were quickly getting restless, so once the last bottle was in Oscar shut it with a resounding clang.

“One down,” Julia declared. “Two and convoy to go.”

11.35AM Thursday 11th November 2038

Callum was not happy about this.

“They were more than happy to let us die!” he cried from just outside the tunnel. “Why shouldn’t we let them die?!”

“Because we want to show we’re better than them?” Oscar offered. “Besides, they were following orders. Sound familiar?”

Megan took half a step back at the thunderous expression on Callum’s face.

“That is not the same thing, we had no choice but to follow orders!”

“You think they have much of a choice?” Oscar asked. “Insubordination could lead to anything between job loss, and death. And in this economy they’re as bad as each other.”

“It’s still not the same!”

“You’re right,” Julia stepped in before it got worse. “It’s not truly a fair comparison, it’s just, enough have died here already. Do we want any more people dying?”

Callum thought about this before letting out a long sigh.

“Fine, do whatever. But don’t come crying to me if one of you ends up shot,” he stormed off to check on some of the androids, and the humans began to walk.

“You okay there Megan?” Julia asked. “I noticed you weren’t saying anything.”

“I don’t like arguing,” Megan muttered, which Julia caught in the near dead silence of the area.

“I noticed,” Julia smiled back. “It’s alright, let’s just do this.”

“Yeah,” Megan agreed, back already aching from the how many water bottles she was carrying. “Let’s do it.”

12.30 Thursday 11th November 2038

It was taking a long time, a lot longer than Alex clearly would have liked.

Paul could see it, the 20 year old was pacing back and forth as Zach worked, clearly holding themselves back from rushing him.

Paul got up from where he was sitting and had a look at the progress. Ella had a few of her body plates open and Zach was fixing the wiring inside. Most of her limbs were back on now near seamlessly, however if he squinted Paul could see some irregular welding. Barely noticeable unless you were really looking, but a sign of nervousness perhaps?

“Alex,” Paul said softly, “perhaps you should walk away for a little bit.”

Alex shook their head. “I want, need, to be here when she wakes up.”

“Zach won’t go any faster if you hang around like this.”

“Look, I know Paul, okay?” Alex threw their hands up. “I know I’m probably making it worse by hovering over him, but, I can’t leave, okay? I just, can’t.”

“Alright, alright,” Paul stepped back, hands up slightly. “I get it. You want to make sure she’s okay.”

“More or less,” Alex agreed, before shaking their head. “Sorry Paul, I know you’re trying to help.”

“And I know I’m not helping much,” Paul conceded. “There’s just not much else to do.”

“I hear that,” Alex half laughed. “You got Solitaire or what?”

Paul raised an eyebrow and Alex’s smirk faded.

“Yeah, bad joke. Not in good taste.”

“Not really.”

1.03PM Thursday 11th November 2038

Megan finally got to sit down in the security booth, and did so gladly next to a space heater. It had been the same story at damn near every van. Oscar would open the back doors, and brace himself for the inevitable break for freedom, Julia had her gun and Megan would throw a bottle of water in before Oscar shut the door again. They must have done that 50 times and it hadn’t gotten any less nerve wracking.

They had to stop after a while, as new vans had joined on the back on the stationary convoy and they didn’t want anyone seeing what they were doing. So, a few soldiers were going without for now, until they got enough support to take out the new trucks.

Oscar and Julia were on that now, and Megan just needed to relax.

That lasted all of thirty seconds before she was interrupted by Alex yelling.

Megan got to her feet to look outside, then quickly left the booth to get a better idea of what was happening.

Alex was kneeling next to Ella. They had her hand in a tight grip, and the wordless shout from earlier had devolved into soft mumbling.

Paul wasn’t far away, so Megan sidled up to him.

“Did it work?” she asked, “Is Ella...?”

“We don’t know yet,” Paul sighed. “Zach is about to try a different reactivation method.”

The aforementioned repair droid suddenly moved, Megan having missed him earlier. He crouched down by Ella’s head and the skin on both his hands retracted. He then held his hands on Ella’s temple and closed his eyes.

Nathan and Ivy were hovering nearby, so also came to see what was going on, as well as a few androids with not much else to do.

Nothing happened for several, long, minutes.

Alex suddenly started and looked at Ella’s face. The android began to twitch, her LED whirring into life, flashing red.

Ella suddenly jolted upright and looked around in clear panic, and Alex moved quickly, putting themselves into Ella’s immediate line of sight.

“Hey hey hey hey,” Alex said softly, and Ella could hear the smile in their voice. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“...Alex?”

It was so soft Megan wasn’t entirely sure she’d heard her right. Alex meanwhile bent their head and laughed softly.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“...How...?” Ella looked around again, slowly this time, taking everything in. “What happened? Alex, why are you here?”

“That’s a long story,” Alex admitted, “but I think we have a lot of time.”

Paul took Megan’s hand and they gave the two some space, walking back towards the security booth.

Megan sat down next to the heater, and Paul leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath.

“You okay?” Megan asked, seriously considering shedding a layer.

“Yeah,” Paul nodded.

“You don’t sound too convinced.”

Paul looked away for a second. “I was just thinking; that could have been, you and me.”

“There would have been a lot more crying if it were you and me,” Megan added ruefully. “Alex probably won’t cry until they’re alone.”

“That does seem like them,” Paul agreed.

“What about you?” Megan looked over. “How are you holding up?”

Paul opened his mouth, closed it, and slowly sat down.

“...Can I talk some, stuff, through with you?”

“Sure,” Megan scooted closer. “What do you want to talk about?”

Paul cast his mind back to the CyberLife store, with him, Nathan and Ivy in the back, and he set the scene for Megan.

“I felt,” Paul paused, trying to remember. “I suppose it was the same as yesterday. I still think you’re all insane coming for me, but at the same time, I’m happy. Does that make sense?”

Megan nodded slowly. “Yeah, it does.”

“And, something Ivy said,” Paul could recall that perfectly. “She said, ‘you’re one of us.’ And I don’t know... I,”

“Easy,” Megan began to tap her finger against the metal in a rhythm. “What did you feel when she said that?”

“...Happy.”

“Anything else?”

“Surprise. A little disbelief, I think?”

“Makes sense,” Megan didn’t stop tapping. “Since you’re the only android, I guess you’ve been second guessing your place in this group?”

“Not so much second guessing,” Paul admitted. “I was always worried that, if they found out...”

“I don’t think they were mad,” Megan assured. “As soon as they found out what happened Alex jumped straight into a plan and they had pretty much found you by the time I got there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Alex had it all covered before I even had a chance,” Megan smirked. “Besides, we’re an android rights group. Did you really expect a different reaction?”

“I was worried they’d be angry that I’d lied to them.”

“If they were, I think they’re over it,” Megan gave him a gentle nudge. “Ivy’s right. You are one of us,” she huffed a little self consciously. “I know I’m biased, but from what I can tell, it’s all good.”

Paul nodded and let out a shaky exhale. “Okay,” he pulled his legs in slowly. “You’re right, but why do I feel like, I don’t believe it?”

“Because, you know it up here,” Megan tapped his head, “but you don’t quite know it here,” she tapped his chest where his heart would be.

“In my chest cavity?”

“I could not have more clearly meant your heart.”

Paul huffed out a laughed and ruffled Megan’s hair, laughing out loud as she let out a squawk of indignation. “I know- hey!” he cried out as Megan returned the favour, pulling off his beanie.

“There, now we’re even,” she declared as he pouted. “It’s not like it was tidy to begin with.”

He attempted to sweep his hair back into some semblance of order before putting his beanie back on. “I’ll concede that, but at least I’m trying! When was the last time your mop had seen a hairbrush?”

“As far as my hair is concerned, a brush is currently an endangered species,” Megan admitted. “I think that goes for everyone.”

“The sooner this is over-,” Paul sighed, but was interrupted by a radio crackle.

“Guys, we have a problem. Over,” Julia stated and Allison was quick to respond as Megan fumbled to get the radio off of her belt loop.

“What’s up? Over.”

The voice that came over next was not Julia, or even Oscar.

“You have taken over a government site,” intoned a low, eerily calm voice. “I will speak to who is charge here.”

Paul and Megan looked at each other before scrambling out of the security booth to join everyone else in the cold. Android Allies was rallying around Alex, who was looking at the radio with a look of panic of their face.

“Er...”

“I’ll do it!” Callum was far away and marching over quickly. “Everyone here listens to me anyway.”

Alex looked like they might argue for a second, before relenting and handing over the radio.

“They might not listen to an android,” they warned, and Callum scoffed.

“They won’t know I’m an android.”

He pressed the talk button on the radio. “I am the current leader here. What do you want?”

“You will release the soldiers you have captured and leave the site, allowing us to return it to full operation. In return we will give you back your friends. We’ll give you an hour to think about it. Over and Out.”

Callum almost crushed the radio in his grip. “That’s horse shit.”

“Is it that bad?” Allison offered, and barely quailed under Callum’s glare. “We can all get out of here, every android, every human, and run. No one else gets hurt.”

“They have Oscar and Julia,” Megan reminded. “We’ll have to meet them to get them.”

“No android needs to be there,” Allison countered

“We’ll all be arrested,” Maggie added softly. “It’s a ploy to arrest us.”

“And shoot the rest of us like rabbits. There’s a good chance they’ll be more of them” Callum growled, having already put the pieces together. “We can’t surrender like that.”

“What other option have we got?” Nathan asked. “Fight the military? That’s insane!”

“We are armed,” Callum considered.

“There’s not enough guns for everyone,” Paul interjected. “And the only other weapons we have are kitchen knives, rolling pins and one taser.”

“Then you lot go!” Callum cried, waving his hands around. “This is humans vs androids and you lot are the weird middle ground. This will be a lot simpler if you just go!”

“It’s still not simple,” Lucas added. “Because they still have Julia and Oscar. Humans, by the way. Even if we leave, are you guys really concerned about getting them back? Since it’s ‘humans vs androids’ as you put it.”

Callum’s face flushed blue. “We know what they look like,” he hissed, “are you seriously suggested we’d let them kill innocents?”

“You’re the one who said humans vs androids,” Lucas shrugged, “I’m just saying, it’s not that simple.”

“We’re staying,” Alex declared, ignoring the soft noise of protest from Ella. “We’re staying and we’re helping you fight.”

“Alex Briar, you have officially lost the plot,” Allison declared. “Did you miss the fact we don’t have enough weapons? Or that we’re dealing with the fucking ARMED FORCES! They’ll make mince meat out of us!”

“Listen to Blondie!” Callum gestured in Allison’s directions. “You squishies should get out of here.”

“And we’re back to the original sticking point,” Ivy sighed.

“We can’t leave Julia and Oscar,” Paul stepped in, “But we don’t have enough weapons to hold them off.”

“And whoever goes to get Julia and Oscar is likely to get arrested,” Megan filled in.

“There’s always a third option,” Ivy added, arms folded. “There’s always that invisible third option, we just have to find it.”

“Yes...” Megan’s brain began to whir. “We split, some of us go to get Oscar and Julia, the rest of us hold things here.”

“Might need a few more details than that,” Lucas interjected. “Are you proposing a rescue mission as we refuse to surrender? Or we lie and pretend to surrender while someone gets Julia and Oscar?”

“Both sound like they could go horribly wrong,” Nathan looked nervous.

“You have noticed where we are right?” Lucas asked, “And were involved in what we did to get here? You were handling the guys on the floodlights!”

“I had a taser and was damn near cacking myself the entire time!” Nathan snapped. “I never want to do that again!”

Allison then made the mistake of glancing at Alex, and groaned. “That’s your ‘I’ve got an idea I think that’s great’ face. I really hate that face.”

“We can do this,” Alex said slowly. “We get nearly everyone with a weapon on the perimeter. Everyone who doesn’t want to, or can’t fight stays in the middle to help with wounded or scouting or whatever needs doing. Myself, Allison and Ivy will go get Julia and Oscar back. Both of them know how to fight so once they’re free they can help us get away. We steal as many weapons as we can, defend from there. There can’t be that many soldiers there anyway.”

“There are so many things that could go wrong with that,” Nathan commented.

“I’m sorry,” Allison had similar thoughts “Three of us against who knows how many military personnel? You expect that to work?”

“We’ve got good height,” Lucas mused. “We should be able to see from here with binoculars what the numbers are.”

“You’re all crazy,” Callum added. “You could all die!”

“So could you,” Alex retaliated. “Anyone else have a better idea?”

“Yeah, you lot disappear and leave this to us!” Callum hadn’t given up on that train of thought.

“We’re not leaving,” Alex squared up against him, ignoring Ella trying to the pull them back. Callum and Alex stood off, neither blinking. Callum’s LED spun yellow and growled under his breath, stepping back.

“You’re crazy,” he declared, “Absolutely insane,” he stalked off to where most of the androids were patrolling.

“He’s sending out a message to see if anyone wants to go with you three for backup.” Paul informed, and Alex almost sagged with relief.

“Tell him we’re grateful for that.”

Paul nodded and the rest of the group began to work out where they would be. Julia, Oscar and Ivy were the only ones who knew had to shoot, and Ivy was going to get the other two back. It was decided that she would be the only one with a firearm on the human away team. The androids they had no real say over.

Paul was the only one left who could shoot, so the remaining members of Android Allies would be inside the compound. Lucas was going to in the surveillance booth at full height to keep lookout. Nathan was going to join him with the drones that could still be used. Meanwhile Maggie and Megan were going to be helping Zach with potential injured, namely bringing them over and holding bits that needed to be held.

A group of five androids had volunteered to help Alex’s rescue group, all armed. Megan didn’t know what the plan was, but she doubted they were going to be obvious.

She mostly tried to stay out of the way as everyone got organised, feeling snakes writing in her belly. She tried to breathe deeply to stay calm, but the icy air stung. Breathing shallowly wasn’t helping either and her head was just crowding with these stupid thoughts about breathing when everyone was going to die-

“Hey.”

Paul’s calm voice cut through the clamour in her head and she looked up at him. He was holding an assault rifle in one hand, muzzle pointed down at the ground. His other hand was reached out, not touching her shoulder, but close.

Megan nodded and Paul put the hand on her squeezing gently.

“We’ll be alright.”

“What if we’re not?”

“We will be,” Paul assured. “All of this,” he gestured briefly with the gun. “Is precaution. Alex’s group should be able to get the others back and not have to surrender.”

“Should?”

“Will,” Paul amended. “You’re with Zach; stay with him.”

“Stay safe,” it was only the tip of the iceberg of what she wanted to say, but the words just died in her throat and barely formed in her head.

“I’m on far side, I’ll be fine,” Paul smiled, giving her shoulder another squeeze. “And so will you.”

Megan nodded slowly, a bit calmer. “Don’t get shot.”

“I don’t intend to,” Paul smiled, and walked to his post.

Megan and Maggie awkwardly stood in Zach’s vicinity in the centre part of the compound. The android wasn’t really up for talking, constantly organising his tools and repairing some of the last few androids that needed it.

Lucas came over on the radio.

“AAA Battery, I can see the group. There’s about seven of them. No more vans seem to be joining the back. Over.”

“Good,” Alex responded over the radio. “See you guys soon. Over and out.”

Maggie and Megan looked at each other, hoping that they hadn’t given too much information to the military with Julia’s radio.

“It’ll be fine,” Maggie said to no one specifically, “We probably won’t have to do anything.”

Megan nodded, shoving her hands into her pockets.

Well, it wouldn't have been this easy the whole time. Shits going down, battle stations! Other Options Flowchart

(Paul) React to the water angrily. Respond empathetically. Say nothing.

(Megan) Respond uncertainly. Shrug.

(Megan) QTEs for throwing water bottles in

(Megan) Interject during the argument with Callum

(Paul) Be forceful with Alex. Steer them away saying nothing.

(Paul) Try to argue with Alex.

(Paul) Don't mention what happened in the Cyberlife Store

(Megan) Agree with leaving. Agree with fighting. Say nothing.

Tags @nightmarejim @septicart-appreciation

[childrenofathoria-rp-blog]

◆Out Of Character Information◆

Name/Age: Natalia, but you can call me Nat. I think I’m going to be the youngest member in this group, I’m 19 years old. Don’t underestimate me though, my smut skills are 10/10. Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Timezone: GMT Desired Character: Ivar Callum

◆Character Information◆

(1)  What pronouns will your character be using? Would you like to list their sexuality at this time?: He/Him. Ivar will be heterosexual, although he’d still flirt with everything that has two legs.

(2)  Any changes or comments? Nothing!

(3) Why this character? I absolutely enjoy characters that offer me challenges, even if the character proves to be the challenge itself. I consider Ivar to be such a challenge (because let’s face it, his personality is so wily) and would love to get a deeper insight into who he is and how his mind works. He basically fits right into the character trope that I usually go for and it’s been a while since I got to write it. People like Ivar always prove to have such depth to them, more than one might assume upon first glance. In a nutshell: Complex muses for the win!

(4) Interpret this character: He’s basically Littlefinger’s much more handsome and younger brother. Stupid sense of humor aside, here’s what I think about Ivar Callum:

His astrology sign is definitely Scorpio. Why? Allow me to quote right away from an astrology website that I found earlier today: 

↪ “The scorpion — a small but dangerous animal, invoking both fear and fascination. It does not attack with ferociousness like a tiger or bear, but instead dances around its enemy, drawing their attention to its pincers while it slowly draws near enough for the fatal strike from its tail.”

In a metaphorical sense, I think that this represents who Ivar, Lieutenant of The Emerald Hand, really is. I will elaborate on this some more.  

This underdog witch is a man of smarmy smiles. He carries himself with arrogance and confidence. You will never see him in a bad mood. Yet beneath this easy-going, content veil there is sheer determination, and, if truly provoked, biting malignity. He is certainly not wise, but cunning and perspicacious. Jealous, greedy and competetive by nature, if you cross him; you’re done. If Ivar dislikes you, he won’t show it plainly for everyone to see. He will make use of his, over the years well-constructed, façade to charm you, entice you. He will get close to you and make you feel as though you are the most precious individual alive. And when you least expect it, he will stab you in the back with poisonous vigor. He is fascinating as he is intimidating. This is why I made the comparison with the scorpion; although he looks small and seemingly harmless, he’s quite the contrary and his bite nothing but deadly. 

Past musings: Before Ivar joined Aerion thus became a member of the Emerald Hand, he was probably a very lost and hateful kid. Resentment and disappointment were eating him up from the inside out. Getting shunned by his Coven must have been an incredible blow to his psyche; therefore, when he met that robber who wanted to steal his gems, everything that weighed heavy on his mind exploded like a bomb.

Until this point, he was made to believe that he was a worthless piece of shit. When Aerion found him however, everything changed. He gave him a place to stay and belong. Ivar probably looked up to Aerion in a way and worked his ass off to prove that welcoming him into the Emerald Hand was a good decision. Along the way, Ivar became arrogant because he was good at what he did. He became greedy and hungry for power, caring for no one except himself.

In the end, I think that this was what truly caused for Aerion to choose Jiaying over Ivar; he was a selfish bastard who cared little for others and always strived for more, which would explain why the majority of the Guild stood by Jiaying despite all the controversy regarding their new rank.

Present musings: Ivar feels like Aerion betrayed him. Despite all his efforts in the past, he wasn’t rewarded with the title of Hermes and he resents Aerion for it. He definitely doesn’t understand his decision, which is why he can’t accept  Jiaying as the new leader. As a result, he wants to force his way to the top via (sure as hell) unfair means.

He will probably play around with the fact that ever since she became Tyche, bad luck is befalling the clan (+ with the fact that she’s sending some of her own people to jail). He will plot some evil schemes, rest assured, sprinkle some salt into Jiaying’s wounds (that he will cause) and add fuel to the fire.

His magic: Ivar is such a pitiful witch. Although he’s now aware that he is gifted with magic, he actually doesn’t know what kind of magic nor how to control and wield it. I imagine him to sometimes secretly sneak out into the woods to try his luck, but he always fails to feel any magic. I want him to seek out all kinds of other witches for this purpose, leaning more towards those who dabble in the dark sort of arts. I’m still unsure about whether to headcanon it, but what if Ivar’s Coven was well aware of the fact that he was gifted with magic? And we’re not talking about healing magic here, but dangerous magic? Maybe there was a fortune telling that predicted that he could/would cause havoc with it and in order to prevent this, his Coven sealed his powers away? 

This would explain why he was such a hateful kid in the past, because he grew up in a negative setting with people who feared and turned away from him. I’ve been having these thoughts and so far they’re entertaining.

Eventually, I want him to be able to control his magic, but it will be a long process until we get there. I will headcanon that he recently has bad sessions of depression because of this whole magic topic. He becomes unnecessarily angry during these sessions and usually locks himself away in his home. This man got a reputation to keep.

Interactions: Ivar doesn’t discriminate: Wether man or woman, werewolf or vampire; he is ready to steal from all. Ever since Aerion died, he has no one to confide in anymore and rejects every person who tries to understand him. He lies whenever possible and is never honest, not even with himself. He is a lonely creature who forgot how it feels like to rely on someone else and he’s generally afraid to show weakness. He sees weakness in everything that could limit his freedom and involves showing emotions. Respectively he’s never settled down with someone before and has plenty of lovers to keep him warm at night.

He doesn’t care about the Athor family, nor about Athoria as a whole. According to him, it might as well burn; as long as Ivar stays unscathed and surrounded by treasures, he will manage. He will survive.

Theme Song: CLICK ME. I’m joking here. Or not.

◆ Interview Questions ◆

(1) Question One: Why do you think you’re better fit to lead The Emerald Hand?

“This questions sounds like you’re assuming that Jiaying and I were equals from the start.” Ivar snickers. It’s a low, dark sound. Amusement glimmers in the depths of his eyes. Lie or truth, you couldn’t tell. Suddely, the smile on his lips drops and the atmosphere around him becomes heavy. “Our Tyche is weak. Weakness in a leader doesn’t bode well. She has a soft heart, believes that she can unite this guild of thieves. Speaks of trust. Loyalty.” He plays with a coin in his hand and eventually holds it up. “Our people are greedy. Selfish. Nobody needs loyalty in this business. You can’t take it for granted. Betrayal is a part of this lifestyle and is as sure to happen as day follows night. I will teach her that lesson.” He slams the coin on the desk. “Wealth is power. Friendships are useless. And nobody takes what is mine. No one.”  

(2) Question Two: Have you reached out to any mages yet about discovering your magic? How do you keep this a secret from your guild?

”Not yet. Although I have made a list of some mages and witches from all over Athoria, it is not time yet. They aren’t the right ones.” A scowl sits between his brows. “I’m always watching out for rumors. Travel the countries. It’s frustrating. It feels like I’m suffocating underneath a current of water. Whenever I’m trying to break through the surface, I’m getting pulled away from it. My guild doesn’t know anything about this, of course. Sometimes I take advantage of heists. Make them search for an artifacts that belong to certain witches. Nothing comes without a price in this world, I need to be prepared for everything.”

◆Writing Sample:◆

(In this sample, Ivar went on a heist alone. His targets were pretty clever asshats however and managed it to slip some drugs into his system. I tried to describe how he dealt with that situation. Yeah, my creativity is about as colorful as a unicorn fart. Fun fact: I listened to this while writing my sample. Enjoy.)

It was different to the other times in which he’d sunk to despairing wretchedness. Fear did not come easily to Ivar. He was a man of damnation, a man of almost clichéed self-importance and indestructibility; what did he, one of the deadliest assassins in Athoria, need to fear?

N o t h i n g.

That would have been the correct assertion. It should have been the sole notion to warp its coils into his finely tuned mind. But the drug had wrought him into confusion. It had overridden all carefully placed internalisms to render him more vulnerable than he would ever loathe to be – and perhaps therein was his innermost fear: vulnerability. But it was not this that twisted the greatest knife of all into his stone heart; notions of weakness had irked him at other times, after all – they were not entirely alien, though this time he could not toss them aside.

This was the culmination of all his dreads: shadows skirted from his path, leaving nothing but a blinding light that slashed his eyes to shreds; every touch upon his skin launching shocks into his bones; his head was pounding, his ears unable to distinguish between the bastards’ riotous voices and the sounds of pins dropping miles afar. He desired rest, and yet there was no peace to be had, no place to pause and allow his rampaging senses to settle. It was akin to his rare despairing bouts, and yet it was far more – more real, more threatening, more inconsolable. When such fits occurred, he would take himself to private rooms within his own home, remaining there for days until they passed and he could bear to leave the taunt of death to return to be amongst the living.

Assailants surrounded him, never-leaving and untouchable. Hallucinations brought him gods of far greater ability, witches with infuriating protections, and humans – humans who could withstand his assaults. Yet in-between his imaginary battles, his fists would find those who truly existed, delivering blows that appeared to leave no bruises and bites that did not seem to pierce the flesh. Fear poured from them in droves, as they felt his swift attack and attributed it to the horrors of their own existence.

It was delicious.

Exquisite and sharp, he felt the drug’s thrill at last, coursing past his personal terrors to pulse within his veins. It was adrenaline and aphrodisiac. It was pain and it was pleasure. The more he fought to pursue each plaguing nightmare, the more he seized each blissful fearful spark. And then, as time passed and he began to see familiar, forgotten faces in the crowds, he found that the flames existed in himself, as well.

Sweet terror.

He had always loved the scent of victory.