#Used all my energy drawing this Fucking Horse

[glass-trash-bab]

Various Willow Mist Bab doodles with their stupid fucking horse :3 I've been doodling them so much lately.

@geekyfox2

[beechersnope]

Ego Death

Logan/Lando (Endgame Logan/Oscar), 2449 words

Warnings/Tags: fem lando, fem oscar, pegging, light angst

***

Logan picks Lando up at a club. When she directs him back to the sorority house where Oscar lives, he nearly dumps her on the curb and leaves her there.

“My ex—” Logan starts to tell her, but he stops when he sees her eyebrows raise, her hand on the door handle, one foot in the gutter. “You’re gonna have to sneak me in somehow,” he finishes lamely. It’s been long enough since he and Oscar split—he never calls them break-ups, because that’s not what they are, not really—that his hand just isn’t cutting it anymore.

Lando agrees to sneak him in. She texts Logan after a good ten minutes, during which he’s done nothing but sit behind the wheel of his truck and question all his life choices, and she tells him to go through the side gate and meet her at the back door.

It’s pitch black in the backyard, which makes Logan feel like he’s going to trip over something in the dark and get himself mistaken for a home intruder and then shot by someone in one of the neighboring houses, but somehow, he manages to make it all the way around to the sliding glass door under the patio unscathed. It helps that he knows his way around already, he thinks to himself as he sidesteps a sun-lounger he must have fucked Oscar on at least half a dozen times.

Lando is waiting for him just inside the kitchen. She grabs his arm as he steps inside, putting a finger over her lips—as if he needs any reminder to keep quiet.

From the sounds Logan can hear coming from the living room, some of the girls are watching a horror movie. A loud noise makes both he and Lando jump as they head up the stairs together; Lando has to stifle a laugh as she turns to take in Logan’s wide-eyed features.

Logan holds his breath as they pass by Oscar’s room in the upstairs hallway.

Lando’s room is at the other end, far enough away that Logan isn’t worried about being overheard. By Oscar, at least. He doesn’t care as much about the other girls in the adjacent rooms on either side of Lando’s.

As soon as Lando opens the door for Logan, he barrels inside, throwing himself onto her bed with a sigh of relief.

Lando doesn’t look impressed by Logan’s enthusiasm. She hasn’t seemed that impressed by anything he’d tried on her all night, from buying her a drink to practically dry humping her on the dancefloor. He’d admittedly been a little surprised when she suggested that he take her back to her place, but he wasn’t about to say no after spending the better part of half an hour desperately grinding his half-hard dick against her ass.

“So,” Lando says, nonchalantly leaning against her dresser, hip popped in a way that draws Logan’s eyes from her cleavage to the scandalously short hem of her dress.

Logan stares back with a questioning expression. “I figured we weren’t going to talk about it,” he tells her, assuming that the reason she hasn’t made a move yet is because she wants to discuss the inherent messiness of fucking her sorority sister’s ex. Or whatever Logan is right now.

“Oh, I don’t care about that,” Lando replies dismissively. “I was just wondering—have you ever tried anal before?”

Logan stares at her and blinks a few times. “Yeah?” he finally replies. “Are you saying you want me to fuck you in the ass?” It’s not exactly the sort of thing he was banking on when he went looking for a random hookup, but Logan supposes there’s no reason to look a gift horse in the—well, ass.

“Not exactly,” Lando says with a shrug, but she doesn’t elaborate further. “Take your clothes off.”

Logan scrambles to comply. He likes when girls take charge in bed, when they boss him around, tell him what to do, how to make them feel good. Oscar likes—liked it when he let her use him to get off, let her set the rhythm, let her call the shots.

Lando reminds him of Oscar in a lot of ways, that same intense energy hiding under a thin veneer. In Oscar’s case it was deadpan nonchalance; with Lando, a playful detachment that had given way to domineering neediness as soon as Logan had gotten a hand under her dress in the cab of his truck.

Logan is almost fully hard by the time he shimmies out of his jeans and tosses his sweat-damp t-shirt by the wayside. He reaches down to cradle his balls as Lando walks over to the bed, but she slaps his hand away before he can get the relief he’s craving. So it’s like that, then.

But even after Lando peels off her dress and her panties, she pays Logan little mind. She makes a show of it to start, reaching up to play with her nipples while Logan stares up at her open-mouthed and slack-jawed, barely containing the saliva pooling under his tongue as he drinks in the full extent of her taut body, lean and wiry where Oscar is softer, broader.

When Lando turns around again and goes back to her dresser, Logan doesn’t think much of it. They need a condom, even for anal, and lube, obviously, but when Lando comes back and drops down onto the bed next to him, she only has one of those items clutched in her hand.

In the other is a garishly purple dildo attached to a leather harness. And even Logan isn’t so stupid that he can’t put two and two together.

“I’ve never…” Logan says, panicking a little. Shouldn’t Lando have told him she was into that sort of thing right from the start?

“Do you want to?” Lando asks, simple as that.

Her expression remains cool, composed, but behind it, Logan can just detect a glimmer of something else, something feral and hungry. Something that sparks a flicker of heat in the pit of his belly as he stares at the strap-on in her lap.

It’s long enough, thick enough, that Logan can almost imagine what it would feel like inside him, and a part of him wonders what it would be like. He nods before he has time to second-guess it, and his stomach drops as a smirk cuts a curve across Lando’s face. It’s not an unpleasant feeling, more like the weightless feeling after a big drop on a rollercoaster. Logan is so hard now that it fucking aches.

Logan’s delirious with need by the time he’s on his stomach, legs spread, Lando three fingers deep inside him.

“Is that enough?” she asks, twisting her hand in a way that sends electric shocks shooting up Logan’s spine.

“Yeah,” he replies, slurring the words against Lando’s pillow. The fabric is damp from his wet-hot breath, and it brushes against his lips unpleasantly. He’s already too fucked out to care.

Logan thinks he should probably be embarrassed by how much he wants this, but it doesn’t matter if he wants it or not. Lando wants it, her pussy probably wet and throbbing just from fucking her fingers into him. It makes his dick even harder. He’d probably hump the mattress and come into her sheets if he could, but the feeling of Lando stretching him open is so all-encompassing that he can’t partition the part of his brain necessary to complete any kind of complex voluntary motor control.

Finally, Lando withdraws her fingers. Logan feels achingly empty for a moment, and then he feels the smooth tapered end of Lando’s strap butting up against where he’s soft and open. He breathes out slowly, closing his eyes, and waits.

But Lando doesn’t move.

“You have to tell me what you want,” she says after several seconds tick by. The tip of her strap edges inside of him by millimeters, not enough to do anything more than tease.

“I want what you want,” Logan says dumbly.

“You don’t know what I want,” Lando replies. There’s a hardness in her voice that wasn’t there before, and it makes the hair at the nape of Logan’s neck prickle.

“I…I don’t….”

If it was Oscar, Logan thinks, she would have fucked him until she got too horny to keep going. She’d get him so close that it wouldn’t take much more than her pussy sinking down on his cock for him to come inside her, and even after that, she wouldn’t stop. She’d keep riding him, wouldn’t let him get soft until she’d come, too. And then she’d fall asleep on his chest while Logan’s cock and ass throbbed like the aftermath of a bone-deep bruise, and he’d fucking thank her for it. He’d love her for it.

He wanted that, still. But maybe now he wanted something else, too.

“Can you…slow?” Logan asks, fighting desperately to get the words out. In his head, he’d envisioned Lando pounding into him hard and fast, rough enough that she could feel it, too.

The slow, slick slide of Lando sinking her strap into him until she bottoms out has Logan shuddering, his cock pouring precome onto Lando’s shiny satin sheets. It almost feels like she’s too deep, like she’s breaching some part of him that wasn’t meant for this—and the thought almost makes him laugh when Logan realizes there is no part of him that was meant for this.

Maybe that’s why it feels so alien to want it. Not wrong, per se, but strange, unfamiliar, like trying to describe a place he’s never been.

“Harder,” Logan decides after Lando withdraws, pulling almost all the way out before pausing to let him direct her. “I want it deeper. I want to feel it all the way inside.”

“Yeah?” Lando asks a bit breathlessly. She plunges into Logan again so hard that the harness feels like a leather paddle against his ass. She doesn’t rabbit in and out of him, instead spreading Logan’s legs even further apart with her thighs and grinding in deep.

She laughs a little when Logan lets out a groan that feels like it gets pulled out of him by force. He doesn’t know if he can come like this, even if he tried to rut against Lando’s bed, but the feeling of Lando’s cock spearing him open is so mind-numbingly good that he isn’t sure he cares. He thinks he could happily spend the rest of his life just like this, teetering somewhere on the edge of blacking out and coming so hard his balls explode, his body nothing more than a vehicle for the kind of pleasure he’s only ever been able to access when he and Oscar smoke enough weed that they lose a whole weekend doing nothing but fucking.

It doesn’t even feel fair to compare what he’s done with Oscar to this, because it’s not Oscar’s fault that Logan’s spent the entirety of their relationship convinced that doing whatever she wants is good enough for both of them. Maybe she doesn’t really know what she wants either. Maybe Lando should visit her next and obliterate her pussy with some other toy that Logan’s not even capable of conceiving of, and then when they both come down from their respective sex highs they can kiss and make up and fuck each other silly using their newly attained orgasm enlightenment.

“You should stop thinking so much,” Lando tells Logan as she pushes in deep again, going slow enough that he can’t help but feel every inch of it.

“I want—” Logan starts to say, but then stops. His face feels hot. He has to shove it all down. “Can you talk to me,” he asks in a stuttering voice. “I want you to talk to me,” he tries again, “while you fuck me.”

“What do you want me to say?”

Logan has to think about it. He isn’t pretending Lando’s a guy; it’s not like that. He likes knowing that a girl is doing this to him, making him feel this good. He wants the reminder. “Can you tell me what it feels like?” he asks. “For you?”

“When I fuck you?” Lando breathes, hot against the back of his neck as she grinds into him.

Logan nods against the pillow and jerks his hips back against her reflexively.

“You look so fucking hot like this,” Lando tells him. “Your ass is like, so stretched out, it’s gonna gape when I pull out. It’s making me so fucking wet.” She pauses then, sucking in a deep breath as she pulls out and then exhaling when she shoves back in. “I knew the second I saw you at the club that you’d let me do this to you.”

“How?” Logan asks in a garbled voice.

Lando doesn’t answer. “Fuck, can feel it grinding against my clit every time I fuck you,” she says instead. “I bet I could come like this.”

“Want you to,” Logan replies automatically.

“No.”

Lando keeps the same pace, the same slow steady rhythm that keeps Logan’s cock leaking like a faucet onto her sheets.

“Do you want to come?” she asks. There’s no assumption that Logan will, just the same question she’s been asking all night: does he want to?

Logan surprises himself when he shakes his head. He wants—he wants to get up. He wants to go to Oscar’s room. He wants to apologize for the shit he said.

He comes, then, without realizing. It isn’t until his body contorts in on itself, cock flexing against the hard clench of his abdomen that he even registers what’s happening, his ass spasming around the hard intrusion of Lando’s strap so deep inside him it feels like he could reach down his throat and meet it in the middle.

She doesn’t pull out until he asks. It takes Logan a long time to come down.

Logan expects to return the favor somehow, but after Lando wipes him (and her bed) down as much as she can, she tucks him in with a fresh blanket and leaves him there, turning off the lights on her way out of the room. She doesn’t come back at all that night and Logan sleeps better than he has in weeks.

When Logan wakes up the next morning to Oscar’s face staring at him from the other pillow in Lando’s bed, at first, he thinks he’s dreaming. It’s the cored-out ache inside him, still lingering from the night before, that tells him he’s not.

Good, he thinks as he rolls over to pull Oscar close. This is what he wants.

[head---ache]

hello im going to talk about my non fankid oc's because i feel like i talk too much about my children (sorry) and too little about my other characters and i know probably no one cares but fuck you/lh im going to force you to care/j

Tools the Chinchilla (she/they) is the oldest character in the group! (Ironically age wise they're the youngest, being 14). They're an anti hero, of sorts?? But I think a better way to describe her is just a silly chinchilla doing her own thing, not caring about anyone else. They really just care about what they have going on and are going to do whatever they need to get things done. She does not care about relationships at all, and only tries to get closer to someone if it benefits her. They're a investigator/scientist, mostly studying about chaos, so you can guess how that leads her to follow the main cast around, trying to act all friendly to get info out of them (but everyone knows she doesn't actually like them because she's really bad at acting). She also has a very big ego, and constantly compares herself to characters like Tails of Eggman, pushing them both down although she's not really an inventor, unless she needs something specific.

Prince the Peacock (he/him) is my boy!!! I love his concept. He has hypnotic powers thanks to his feathers, and he also cares a lot about his looks. He's very sophisticated, but also very high energy and friendly (he can be a little too much, in fact). He's also a bit naive, but that's mostly because he usually sees the best in people, and believes anyone can be good if he's just nice enough. He sees himself and Tools as best friends, even though she can't stand him, he just thinks they're shy. He's a little bit too scared of everything, but after being saved by the Resistance during the war he feels like he needs to do his part, so he's actually quite brave and very usually pushes himself out of his comfort zone.

Ferocity the Spider (she/her) seems to be somewhat of a fan favorite, and I think that might be thanks to her goth lolita fashion and the fact that she's a spider, definitely not something seen in the Sonic franchise. She's a full on villain, and is que agressive. She has all of the abilities spiders commonly have, but I can't get more specific than that. I'm way too scared of spiders and could only use drawings as reference for her design, so I didn't actually take the time to decide what kind of spider she is bskdbskfnskx She has every move calculated, and takes everything into account, she's very careful and methodic, but, like I said, when she needs to, she can get very agressive and scary. She's also very closed off and untrustful, so while she does have someone she works with (more on that later), she usually prefers to do things herself, just to make sure.

Joy the Horse (she/her) is a total sweetie. She's very shy and quiet, but has the biggest heart ever. She's a baker!!! And has her own bakery:) she sometimes brings some of her baked goods to Restoration HQ because some of her friends are there. She's softspoken and kind, but don't look down on her! She can kick you over the next city if she needs to>:) usually in defense, not in offense. She doesn't fight often, but if her or someone she cares about is involved she goes all out trying to help. Also Joy is the only one Tools tries to be friends with, but that's because they want free food. Joy knows this, and yet she still pretends she doesn't see when the chinchilla sneaks a cookie into their pocket.

Torch the Angler Fish (they/them) is Ferocity's right hand!!! Mostly just the dumb henchman in cartoons. They're way too energetic and impulsive, which is why Ferocity usually has to hold them down. They normally do the dirty work; if they need to fight, Torch will do it while Ferocity watches from the shadows and only interferes if needed. Torch, of course, has a little light that can lure people closer to them, and they often hide in the shadows, to then attack by surprise. They enjoy scaring people, they're a bit of an asshole lol. I said Ferocity is agressive, and yet, Torch is the most agressive of the two, which makes them a bit more scary.

Index the Secretary Bird (she/her) is a cute girly who works for the Restoration as, you guessed it, a secretary. I imagine she was friends with Jewel, and when she saw how much work the beetle had, she decided to step in and help. She's also very methodic, and strict. She actually was a librarian before she joined the Restoration, so you can be sure she has outstanding organization skills. She's a bit unexpressive, and distant, but definitely not mean, and if you manage to get close to her you'll have a friend who will give you the best advice and will listen to you with all of her attention!! She also has some knowledge in first aids, so when needed she also helps in that area.

And yeah that's that the fankids get too much attention so these guys also needed a post dedicated to talking about them tehee

[libroseitm]

I watched OFMD for the first time in late December last year, like, a month ago. I thought it was more like 6 weeks, it just goes to show how the campaign has messed with my perception of time!

When the cancellation was announced, a mere week after binging the whole thing and falling deeply in love with it, I thought, "Wow. This is the worst time to have joined a fandom in the history of ever".

A big massive HOWEVER for ya'll though, because you have turned it into the BEST time to have joined a fandom. You all have provided such a loving community and I want you to give yourselves a big old horse pat on the back. I'm enjoying campaigning SO much because of your energy and love.

I have also felt so much encouragement for my art and silly memes. OFMD is such an Aesthetically pleasing show and I feel so inspired by it. The reception to my art has been something I have literally NEVER experienced. I'm used to my art getting 3 notes TOPS. Yesterday I put up my latest fanart of Ed and it got 100+ notes overnight.

I draw because I enjoy it. But it does feel lovely to have a positive reaction and it boosts my motivation to carry on. It has also boosted my motivation even more to try and make some money from it if I can! So THANK YOU!

My memes have also garnered a hilarious amount of attention. I genuinley LOVE that my biggest post here if a fucking meme about astroglide. When I'm feeling low, I read the tags on it. They're histerical.

Also to my new mutuals: hello, I'm thrilled to have you :D :D

Thank you all. I love it here. I'm glad I can help to save this wonderful story from the gravy basket. Let's go get our damn show back!

[somnambulic-thing]

not like you took the pic, wym credit? all you did was put a black white filter on

get off your high horse and open ur eyes. did u originally take the pic? wheres the credit for that

I know, I know, you are not supposed to feed the troll but... I think this can serve as a general educational statement. This is also the only time I will indulge you, whoever you are.

Do you not want content for the fandom you're in? Then get off my page. It is that simple. Be an adult, block me.

I use license-free stock sites (you can goole those) to source the base pictures and I don't know if you know what that means but it means I do not need to point to the source. It's free to use as I please. Maybe do some research before you harass creators. As for Eddie's head, the source is Stranger Things Season 4 Episode 5 around 14min in. You're welcome.

I don't know what horse you're talking about. I simply post those pictures for the enjoyment of the fadom. Don't wanna see it? Block me.

Jealous much?

As for me asking to not repost and not use without permission: You know, a fandom is supposed to be a community? People making things of their favourite media for a community, be it fics, art or photo edits, invest TIME and ENERGY and CREATIVITY. Even if I only put a black and white filter on the thing: so fucking what? All I am asking for is the basic respect for something I made. It's called transformative works for a reason. Would you repost a fic without credit to the author? They use other intellectual property too. Get a grip.

You see that? I draw his fucking hair back in. I changed the build of the model. I adjust the light. And that's just the big stuff.

What do you want me to do? Find Joseph, put a wig on him and take pictures?

People like you are the reason creators leave the fandom, you know that? You are disrespectful and ungrateful for the people who spend their time on those things.

No idea what that means, dude. Maybe have some tea and calm down. Do something nice for someone, maybe. Would be time better spent...

[tryin]

what makes me so mad about the current hype over ai is that it's for the worst reasons possible. machine learning can be used in cancer research! ai is helping combat depletion of natural resources! we can use this shit to be more inclusive towards nd people, help stop poaching, reduce food waste but all we do is talk about generative ai (that too in a narrow stupid techbro sense). who gives a fuck if a computer can draw a horse better than a seasoned artist. who gives a fuck if a website can come up with essays faster than i can come up with the title. also did you know that we can be using generative ai to further research in all the usual fields you can think of like healthcare, education etc. but also interestingly cosmology, pharmacy, material science and so much more so then why the FUCK are we investing so much time and energy into hyping the garbage that aims to replace people that, lets be honest, can never be replaced instead of actually bettering our society my god

[phlyaros]

need more on that monster attracted to death benry au STAT. it's so good actually

Firefox fucking crashed while I was typing this the first time im going to kill god. Tysm but god typing all this out again WOOF.

Okay so it starts here with “I use au's and shipping to explore concepts/characterization that I feel is overlooked/unexplored in canon” and Benry already has a lot of associations with death to me (the skeletons, his explicit dying whereas everyone else has other explanations, his 'song of death', “there are no predetermined deaths”, him being a inscrutable and inevitable force that is only your enemy if you make him so)

this is a horror-aligned thing so uh body horror and other violence under the cut

I have other stories with benry that explore his relationship with death as well, this is just the one where Benry understands how fucking bad it is for Gordon in the first place and it's more of an interpersonal conflict than one of misunderstandings. They still do misunderstand each other but like.

Anyways most of the basic stuff also goes for how I generally interpret Benry; he's a simulacrum of human life basically. He's always been dead, he's never been dead, he's always been alive and he's currently living. I made a thing a while back out of cut up wiki pages to try and explain what I think of him better but never got around to prettying it up.

Anyways. He's something like that one interpretation of a changeling to me; something that's usurped the body and eaten it from the inside out, until all that's left is him. Partially this is a plural thing to me. Old host chipped away over time until it's something else entirely. Whoever he was before doesn't exist anymore. There is only Benry. (what is benry? well, he is.)

And so uh, Deathry specifically is the horse edition of this. He actually looks human most of the time but it's fun to draw him as silly little beasts. Deathry as established is drawn to death; he feeds from this somehow (the horror hunger enjoyer in me said so) but i'm not sure yet if it's a physical sort of eating or more of an energy-based one. Leaning to both, like a vampire.

I tried making him as compatible with canon as possible on the mechanical level at first. Something that's drawn to the doomed and the damned? Well, we all know what the rescas was like. I think he's just so desensitized to death that he does understand the gravity of it on a deeper level but nobody cared when HE died so why bother.

The story itself isn't compatible though because I was listening to my fucked up and evil music and thought to myself “well if two guys were out hiking alone in the woods and one tried to kill the other with an axe would that be fucked up or what” and now that's thoroughly lodged in my head. and uhhhh the personal drama of it all.

Listen. I am a gay man. I think about frenrey and think about them choking each other to death and I giggle and swing my feet. I love when they are violence and killing.

But also I am a gay man and thinking about a literal embodiment of the condition of death sitting in a tent as the guy he personally cut the arm off of (yes, him, personally!) is slowly succumbing to the cold; wrapping Gordon in his jacket, quietly laying on top of Gordon as the weather gets worse through the night, unsure of what else he can do... comparing Gordon's blackened frostbitten fingers interlaced with his own skeletal black hands, Gordon's slowly crawling pulse to his maybe one heartbeat a minute, Gordon's once loud and comprehensive speech slowly descending to confused muttering, becoming more like him. More like dead. The rituals are intricate okay.

And uh something that makes me crazy is that Benry in canon was explicitly the thing that was holding the rift between worlds open and he didn't even. Notice. With Deathry that sheer power manifests as freak weather events, flocks of birds dropping dead mid-flight, interrupting radio signals, making compasses go crazy. That sort of shit.

Deathry also takes pictures in places he ends up. Gordon is fucking flabbergasted at the underwater caves, dive bells from the outside, impossible angles on known landmarks, but it makes sense to him later. Gordon's probably more riled up by all the random shit Benry's collected over the years - what do you mean you don't want this coat covered in decomp?? aren't you cold??

Anyway. Au is also a fun excuse to think about frenrey shenanigans. Turns up in a hospital after being missing for 3 months raving about a guy who defies all physics with wounds that are only a few days old. Thinks about him for the next month until he randomly shows the fuck up with photos of Gordon bleeding in the snow with benry posed with the axe in front of him like they're having a fun girls night out

[spw-art]

If you have OCs... could you perhaps make a masterpost-link thing with them that I could save up to check them out/save to go back to if I forget anything on them? (Bonus points if u have potp/dragon ocs smiles)

ALSO your art slaps hell yeah 💪

Looks at you with big wet eyes. My tag #my oc should have all of em.

POTP is a universe in which I feel like it’s both difficult and impractical to make an oc for unless they exist before or after the story.

I fucking love dragons I haven’t drawn any dragons in so long. Besides Pokémon dragons.

And now I’ll see if I can remember all the tags of all my ocs. Or at least the main ones.

All of the links will just lead to their tag.

Harte Sekioka - Pokemon breeder and ex-magma admin from an amino roleplay that took place in 2017. Currently he’s used in a roleplay with friends because I didn’t want to make a new character for it. Just went ahead and decided he’s 20 years older now. Self-proclaimed sexmaster. Annoying. Single father of two. Should not be a father.

Claudia - A Ditto masquerading as a human from Harte’s universe. She’s helped him out with speeding up the process of selective Pokémon breeding. She’s also extremely important to Harte’s universe’s Team Magma.

Sif Saph - My BG3 character, I haven’t been able to play BG3 in forever. Not much info on him besides he’s the cousin of my first ever D&D character, Sif Krymsul. And he has blue dragon ancestry on his father’s side. Really really really hoping to draw him more I miss him so much.

Divo Success - Pokémon oc. He’s the platonic idea of a cowboy the same way The Stanley Parable’s Narrator is the platonic ideal of divorce. He hasn’t even seen a cow in his life. But he does have a gigantic horse that everyone is afraid of for her Stamina Iron Defense Body Press swagger. He has weird fucking abilities that allow him to be a western movie character. Every time he rides away on his horse it’s into the sunset. No matter what time of day it is. He can always appear in a cloud of dust or smoke. He operates entirely on rule of cool.

Daylight Under Outsmouth - A Call Of Cthulhu campaign that unfortunately never came to fruition. It’s about a universe being consumed by an oppressive darkness with the center of its terror being Earth. Things keep getting darker. Stars disappear from the sky. Aliens and extradimensional creatures find their way to earth as refugees. I reaaally want to make a comic or something with the story.

Aoife and Padraig - Characters made for my friend’s series called Analog Files. They’re the same person from different worlds. They’re married. They’re fucking weird. Aoife is dying of Cool Guy Cancer that’s turning her into a bug and then into a pile of flesh. She wants to be studied while she dies. Padraig loves studying her. They’re great.

Legally Distinct - A glam metal band made up of monsters from Universal Monster movies. I had made them for Art Fight, they’re quite silly, they have so much sex and do so much drugs. And rock n roll of course.

Nigellians - A type of creature made of music, glamor, passion, and magic. They’re born of human creation. Think of Eddie the Head if he was less powerful and less aggressive and more of a little fairy spirit.

Herb - An utau made by my friend NyxQuentiam who is voiced by me. I need to record a new voice bank so badly. He’s an artificial angel who harvests energy from other angels by killing and blending them. He then goes to the angel black market to turn mortals into angels: a high he should not be doing. But whatever, he’s having a good time.

Ward - Cringefail rich boy accidental racist fire genasi who sucks. Used him in a D&D campaign until it fizzled out due to the DM being weird. I don’t think I have much stuff with him here (I think it’s just one post) but he’s my beloved little shitstain. His sword is incredibly blunt. It does bludgeoning damage. He’s whining the entire time he’s adventuring.

Those are the main guys. Hope that helps! :)

Always feel free to ask more questions! Yippee yahoo yippeeeee

[rantceratops]

I just. Feel like. I get so upset and irritable and depressed because I can’t participate in something I love anymore. Something that means the world to me, something that, I feel, is supposed to be the reason I’m here. It’s all I ever really felt like I was good at.

And that was creating.

I’m beating a dead horse here but. I genuinely just get so so so fucking upset. I either have so many ideas swirling in my head but no way to release them (because I can’t draw, or can’t get myself to or to even find joy in it anymore) and I can’t write, so I’m stuck with ideas and nothing to do with them. Or, oppositely and more commonly, I FEEL like I have the urge to create, and I’m so inspired by others, but I CAN’T come up with a single thing. No cool ideas, no cool aus, no character designs, no story ideas, etc.

And it’s SO goddamn frustrating and upsetting and disheartening that I cannot honestly put it to words.

And this also just leads into me having really bad imposter syndrome as well as “I’m not an artist, I’m not a creative, I’m just trying to force myself to be something that clearly I just was not meant to be or that no longer gives me joy.” (And it sucks, because I know the DEPRESSION is what’s taken my joy away. But I really believe with all my heart that I’m not meant to even draw and I’m just trying to force something. And that makes me so goddamn fucked up because I DESPERATELY WANT to be creative and an artist and make things. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I just want to make things. I want to have an imagination like I used to.)

It’s so DEVASTATING to me that I struggle to put it into proper words. Like I’m drowning and desperately reaching out to be able to be that one fucking thing I WANT with all my heart to be, but I can’t seem to get my fingers around it. It dances out of my reach because I’m just a pretender, I was never an artist and I need to accept it.

But I can’t. I don’t want to.

And yet... how can I hope to do anything if my depression keeps me from even having any desire to draw to begin with? The sense of failure is too great, I know it will be bad before I even try and it discourages me. Or I’m just... so fucking devoid of energy or care that I can’t make myself.

I’m just venting. Today has been one of those days where no matter what I try to distract myself with, I just can’t stay focused. I can’t watch Youtube, I can’t read, video games stopped working after a couple hours, etc.

I LITERALLY just don’t know what to do with myself. I wish I could express myself like this to my therapist but sometimes I wonder if she even reads/listens to everything I say to her.

I should probably try and see her more often than I do.

[maggicktouched]

@coerulus

She wasn’t really sure where it all went so horribly wrong. 

It was some point after the conversation with the king of the rabbits, past the tumultuous sea crossing clinging to the neck of a large seal, but before she’d been chased out of Last Hearth by a group of twenty men on horseback. The couple of months prior were a moonstruck blur where she’d only been half lucid at her best moments, being dragged gleefully along by the siren’s call of nature that had drawn her away from her friends and into the untamed wilds. She knew only a few things for certain: 

One: She was still a witch (if not a bit---clumsily skilled in her current condition) Two: She humans found her current form both horrifying and novel (which meant, as with anything else on four legs fitting that criteria, she was best suited for slaying and stuffing) And Three: A horn was, in equal parts, hazardous as it was useful, but shoving the tip into an apple kept her from jabbing into trees and getting stuck.

It took her three days to get a locator spell to work reliably enough, and several more to traverse the land and catch up to her ever-moving target. But her what her new form lacked in convenience and hygiene, it made up for in strength, and a near-limitless energy. Even by the time she reached the tavern outside the small farming village, she was still wide-eyed and bushy tailed... literally.

Thank god it was farmers. She thought to herself, inching out of the shadow of the trees to draw closer after the sun had gone down. Horses threw up their heads and spooked at their hitches, the leather groaning and the wood threatening to snap. A small dog began barking so loud and incessantly it wheezed for breaths between yaps. The single drunkard laying in a puddle of what she hoped was water looked up at her with bleary eyes, burped questionably, and then started to laugh.

Beck pushed against the door with her magic, but it was too clumsy. It faltered, and the wood splintered and cracked, singed with black marks. So, laboriously, she tilted her head, and lipped at the handle of the door. It took some finessing, but eventually the handle lodged into her mouth in just the right way, and she was able to pull the door ajar. With her bulk, she shoved the rest of the way in.

“Brienne!” She had to squeeze herself through the tavern door, and her eyes were still adjusting. She couldn’t make anyone out just yet, but the humans inside turned to get a single look at her and stopped in a stunned silence. Two men bolted out of the way, swearing, as she pressed her large furry body deeper into the inn. Her horn jabbed a lantern, but the apple on it thankfully kept it from getting caught on her. More swearing, people were shouting now, waving their arms about. Beck bumped a table and it scooted so violently that the wood against stone honked like a goose. 

“Fuck. Sorry! Sorry! Excuse me. My apologies madam.” Her magic was too out of control in this form to send to just one person, but her apologies apparently only heightened the confusion in the bar. Pinning her ears back she swore to herself and called again, “Brienne! Brienne I am back!”

[topazadine]

I can't figure out the next chapter for my WIP so instead of doing that, I'm going to do some meta bullshit

Favorite tropes and themes in my writing

Finding intimacy in danger: there's something rather erotic about knowing someone could hurt you but won't

Self-sacrifice: bonus points if it's utterly unnecessary

Constant willingness to face death, especially for loved ones

Secrets and half-truths, concealing information to protect others

Fracturing and fragmenting using weird POVs

Found family :)

Favorite canon additions

Time actually stopped in 2205 thanks to a nuclear war and the Revisionists are trying to go back in time to prevent nuclear energy from ever being discovered, which is why all of TKRB canon takes place in 2205

Revisionists have been locked out of everything after the Meiji Restoration, which is why all TKRB activities take place before that

The honmaru all exist in their own separate spaces to prevent teams from running into one another and activating Kebiishi activity

Swords have different personalities/relationships depending on which citadel they live in (makes multishipping so easy, just hop over to another citadel and check it out)

Corrupt government! Bribes! Evil experimentation!

Nikkari and Juzumaru both have Magic Eyes™

Favorite running gags

Tsurumaru's a fucking glutton and has the taste buds of a small child

Tsurumaru reads Feminine Wives and Kawaii Teen religiously

Tsurumaru and Uguisumaru torment each other (lovingly)

Omokage is unreasonably heavy despite looking tiny

Houchou constantly asking Omokage to turn into something else

Mikazuki hates horses, Tsurumaru loves them

Time devices break any time it's useful to the plot

Tsurumaru is utterly obsessed with Omokage

Ichigo lecturing Tsuru any time he does something rude by calling him by his full name like an angry mom

"Ookanehira got that for me, by the way"

Hasebe's secretly in love with his master, noted lesbian Asari

Any dialogue with Nikkari and Ishikirimaru can be read like one person's speaking

Higekiri just pretends to forget Hizamaru's name because he thinks it's hilarious for some fucking reason

Maeda has woobified Oodenta through plentiful stuffed animals and finger paint drawings

Things I want to explore more in the future

Shokudaikiri/Okurikara, they're SO hard to write though because Okurikara's such a petulant baby

Nikkari's Ghost Detecting Eyeball

Chiyoganemaru (mostly because he's my waifu)

Asari and Ume's relationship

Bitchu Honmaru 2205 reconstruction

Hasebe/Souza

Time Agency politics! (might as well get some use out of my International Relations MA because I sure as hell am not going into real life politics lmao)

Revisionist War and its impact on other countries (I'm assuming this was a global war a la Independence Day and other countries had to join in the fight? TSURUMARU IN AMERICA? lmao that'd be really funny)

Cute stuff, I'm so bad at fluff, also porn

[righteouscookiedough]

C2E8 Reactions

so after @mysticalspiders got me to start campaign three with her she politely suggested i may appreciate the pirate arc of campaign two. so i started watching the campaign a couple months ago. and boy am i IN IT now!!

let us begin:

That was a quality sam ad. A little too much mayonnaise perhaps.

AHHHHH ITS THE BABY ANNOUNCEMENT

Dont be shy baby it’s okay!!!

“What a good idea sam!! No!!”

“Maybe he was the traveller! Maybe I’m the traveller?”

Oh Caleb you poor tortured man

“We have a ring with a little blue gem—“ “can I have it? I like rings” *wiggles fingers*

Pub crawl!!

“You dont narrate taking a pooper but you assume your character takes a pooper once a day”

Yeahhhh first items!!!

“If you’re feeling gassy, they take away the cramps you feel” Liam is really focused on bowel movements tonight I hope he’s ok

I love the brjeaus

“You’re all intoxicated” “Not me cause I drink milk”

The wand of smiles omg

“Thank you for saving my life, Fjord,” “well, you would have done the same for me,” “yes I probably would have. Probably”

Laura Bailey miming opening and sniffing a jar of ‘pickled’ ears is everything to me

“I have this cat named Frumpkin and I wear him like a scarf”

Travis is allergic to cats check

“Im going to draw the CUTEST baby manticore you’ve ever seen! AND IT’S DEAD!”

Ooooh who is demedan

Travis is BLATANTLY reading over marisha’s shoulder

Fjord is… studying the locals… interesting

Bryce!! Yeahhhhh!!!

THE MIGHTY NEINNNNNN

“…and does not smell of blood and feces” “yet.”

THE RUBY OF THE SEA SAYS HELLO

“She’s mostly known for her hmm-hmm-hmm” “she has SEX for MONEY”

THE RUBY OF THE SEA IS THE… BEST LAY EVER “it sounds better in infernal”

This is very bells hells of jester to just say everything from her backstory

“I’m a goblin” sam riegal you big fat liar

Oh my god its marisha’s broken rib sneeze

“Do you know a birthday song too?” “No.”

Ooooh date drop

Back on the road againnnn

BREAK

Marisha stay frosty

“GOOD TO SEE YOU GENTLEMEN”

They are sad we’re headed for initiative but happy that there are NEIN antagonists

“We all have EXTREME syphilis” good one Caleb

OH NO THAT’S WHERE WE GOT OUT SYPHILIS FROM

Oh my god this is terrible

“Dirty.. poor… missing teeth… they look like Caleb”

Matt playing eight teenage dirtbags at once is so funny

“Sorry, I caught one of them”

“I put my hands up and try to cover his blood holes”

WHAT an encounter damn

OH YEAH NOTT GOT HORSES

Of fucking course sam riegal names horses Loo, John, Crapper, and Toilet

Jester leaving a horse with clothes on the side of the road is such anti imogen energy

Caleb what the FUCK is up with you

Dont worry this party has reeeaaaallllllly high perception

Oooh abandoned graveyard I hope nothing bad happens

Nope just stinky Caleb

“The dwendalian empire kind of sucks, you guys”

The gates of zadash!!!! Its the titular role!!!

This Ulysses guy has BIG even hytroga vibes

“What is a watch?” “Like a clockenticken”

YEAH NAT20 INSIGHT CHECK

Chain whispers. Also known as high stakes telephone

MONORAIL AYYYYYYEEEE

Any place with pulp fiction and shitty smut *insight checks*

Firbolg!!

The firbolg is de-stinkifying Caleb!!!!

OH MY GOD ITS PUMAT SOL

HOW DID I NOT KNOW PUMAT SOL WAS A FIRBOLG

Enchanter Pumat Sol I love you

Pink backpack!!!! It’s pink!!!!!!

“He is instantly at the top” - Travis about Pumat Sol. He is right.

And thats all!!!

[plasmaspring]

Okay incomplete list of things that ended my fucking life tonight before I pass out

Homeless gospel choir is so much fun I need to listen to more of their music

Every other song he said “this is a protest song” so fucking funny

At the end of one of the songs one of the guitarists literally sat on her friend gayly

Frank iero tiny man incident

Thursday

Just all of Thursday

“This one is for the human rights of everyone in this room” &the trans rights shoutout

They/he Gerard incident

Seriously Geoff was having so much fun he is such a killer performer

Everyone around us was so nice and so helpful and so much fun

Sexual vacuum guy song

Vacuum guy rides the vacuum offstage like a horse

Ray toro stage wine in dainty glass (at least one category 5 milf moment during the show)

Mikey’s kids drawings on the amp

The little vial of red paint for Gerard to put up the 4th tally on the drum

Orchestral foundationa

Gerard’s Dracula costume was so fucking… like it was so high quality she and marina put their whole pussies into it

Candelabra

Screaming get up coward with thousands of people made me tear up

She put the cape over her face during foundations

She is the most beautiful woman alive

Ray toro smiles so big and wide and sweetly

They were all so happy to be up there smiling their hearts out

The energy in the room was infectious

Ray, Mikey, and Gerard all made eye contact with us at least twice and I cannot be sure but I believe in my heart that Gerard saw my open palm with “trans” written on it and smiled and Dean corroborates this and I can’t process that right now

I won’t go over every song because then I would be here forever but

Deathwish was the one thing I was saddest about missing from revenge night (apart from hang em high) and they played it SECOND I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take

Planetary Go with Dean shatterstar in the pit was fucking insane

Ray toro summertime solo ten feet from me I don’t care that she messed up a note she is perfect to ME

Boy division. Boy division

Boy division

Save yourself

Dedicating teenagers to their daughter was so fucking sweet and very funny after throwing it away last show

They literally did not stop like it was fucking. There was no time to recover it was just hit after hit

Mastas of Ravenkroft

I’m turning into some bats and rats and cats she got so cute with it WHILE DRESSED AS A VAMPIRE sucks her silly

Duct tape scars on my honey

Doing the destroya moans with Dean & Elle

Skipping sing after so many of us spent so long in the bathroom listening to them sound check it is so funny

I think it was during not okay but Ray went over to sing to his kids and it was the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever seen these kids love watching their parents perform they love seeing their parents happy and being adored

Scarecrow fucks scarecrow ripped me apart

VAMPIRES

FAMOUS LAST WORDS RAY SOLO IN FRONT OF ME

Gerard is so fucking beautiful I want to kill myself

The dedication of ghost was super sweet

Ghost of you is a good ass song

Kids from yesterday Ray solo literally less than five feet from us, we managed to literally get to barricade right at the end and we got to see Ray fucking crush it right until the end of the show he is so so so unbelievably talented and I hope he could tell how much I fucking adore him by the way I was screaming his name

Mikey carrying his daughter around after everyone else had left the stage beaming so we could wave to her

Callie caught the set list so I got pictures!

There’s literally so much more and so much from before the show and from the first show that like I want burned into my brain forever but I’m about to pass out!!! Jesus Christ the people who love this band are so fucking special I have never felt so welcomed by literally everyone in a space.

I’m never going to forget this 💖

[mean-hare]

august and september parts of my eddiary, as shitty as always but I need to put these notes somewhere so let it be here

part 4

august, 1 i had a lot of energy and almost no appetite. i cleaned my room, rearranged toys, watched movies, and even talked with danny. unusually good day

august, 2 i cant find my fav cheap and tasty 0kcal cola-like soda. now i should spend my money on more expensive cola to drown my inner self in it

august, 3 actually i spend money my mom give me. i have no job and maybe never will have. i am too nervous, too mad, too inacurate and too depressed for it. all days long i only draw shit, watch movies and go to market to spend money on junk foodd to harm my body or to throw up and on drinks to replace food with them. sometimes i buy toys or stickers but most of time theyre way too expencive

august, 4 i watched stupid comedy film with lot of stereotypic cliches and draw danny in various clothes and poses. i dont think ill show him, it looks like he dont want to talk with me again. our friendship may lookunhealthy but the only guy who blame and harm me there is me myself

august, 5 i woke up after 1hour long sleep, i used to sleep in late morning hours but today i couldnt. me and my mom arrived by the bus to the beregszasz town. its pretty close to the hungarian border and many people there talk in hungarian. i love it i dont really remember what i ate but not too much i think. i was feeden by emotions of homelike language. and also i wanted an energy drink all the time and finally got it

august, 6 days in town were and will be full of eating like a human being i think. i try to feel myself alright and try tasty meals in cafe. i love cafes. palacsintas, waffles, icecream, milkshakes, pizza. i walk with fluffy doggy bagpack, i have notebook and water in it. this child just need to have fun

august, 7 my mom realised how much energy drinx i drink per day and she doesnt like it

august, 8 i walked alone aimlessly down the hot towns streets with a can in my hand. streets was empty most of time. just one grumpy man called me an animal while walked in opposite direction. i donk know what he meant by that. and some granny said to me "its so hot, eh". i draw ppls attention to myself involuntary, as always

august, 9 wow much zero coke i drank here! there was a market with the cheapest cola cans i ever saw in past 3 years

august, 10 i just hope that many hours of intense sweating and headbanging to breakcore in headphones while sitting in hurrying bus back to a city burns a lot of calories but i cant stop it anyways

august, 11 still not enough sleep, overwhelmed by all the information i wanted to consume (pointless but interesting) few minutes ago, gnawed by a loneliness online and offline, all this shit led me to (obviously!) very stupid binge

august, 12 lived this day not better nor worse, just average boring

august, 13 hey you. they created a big pack of chips for a big merry company, not for lonely asshole with eating problems like you

august, 14 corpsey greenish moon gazing thru the night haze, pale as pus, menacing like in dying

august, 15 i walked down to the market to buy cheap icecream and cheap cola. bazaar near it was closed due to evening hours and there were no people on the ways between the iron and concrete walls. somehow liminal

august, 16 things went not perfect but better that could be. i decided to spend last money on energy drink instead of bag of cornflakes

august, 17 i started my day with nausea because of sound of fucking drills (my mysophonic panic), found and ate some pain killers, burned my mouth with spicy junk dinner and pointlessly fooled around my room till morning affected by another bunch of cola and energy drink

august, 18 i bought a pink plastic horse. brutal metalhead in toyshop looks hilarious. brutal metalhead who buys pink horsey looks very hilarious. i saw this toy almost year ago and i couldnt forget here sinse then. that mare looks special. most toys has neutral faces or slight calm smile on them. but that sassy gal had really bitchy moody face with grinned teeth. and finally i got her and feel no regrets. at least i knew what i want.

august, 19 i was at first time in little village house my dad bought for himself. it was simple boring house with almost no furniture beyond the kitchen and i think it never will be interesting because my dad loves stupid boring monochroom minimalistic design with wooden details. parents, sister and their friend went to a backyard to roast sausages. i dont eat meat so all the time i read library book or played with lil green car toy i found in this house

august, 20 you know who am i? i am a person who dont look like one who has an ed. i am a boy who look like a girl. am i? i trust the liars and suspect when people tell me the truth. im looking like cool adult with interesting life but im still that ugly child who feels itself the worst way posiible everyday.

august, 21 im into gabber music sometimes and i think it would be fun to learn hakken dance. i also want to dance tectonic, c walk, lezginka and csardas. but i dont know how to and dont think i can do in. i like dancing sometimes. but my body often feels to heavy and clumsy to move

august, 22 i failed. but at least i tried. but how i failed!

august, 23 parents leaved this city before ukrainian independence day because they thought that russia will throw much more bombs here and my mom was afraid. i stay because i dont want to go with them and better spend time here with movies and tumblr than in their boring little village with them for 2 days long. so i chilled all day along with few liters of caff drinx and little annoying kitten

august, 24 it was another chilling day alone. i bought some drinx again (but one l less than yesterday bc i a little nauseous of already consumed caffeine), i even find a little purple cheap pony toy and bought it. today was really more air alarms than other days but as i know nobody was killed (i may be wrong, i dont watch news)

august, 25 this normal late night i was ready to drowse with john frusciante songs in cold laptop light but suddenly i saw some movement on my bed. i saw one tiny TIC. i dont afraid insects but the tics. they are the main reason why i almost never walk in the forest. today i even didnt go anywhere but this little shit somehow appeared here. i took a piece of paper, kill and throw into a sink. im shocked

august, 26 i had one little job of redacting one little text. (i cant even call it freelance job, it was more like accident job) anyway i got some little money and spent it all on a toy. beautiful blue plastic toy dog. and unique rare (in this country) energy drink in beautiful 500ml can. im so glad, i smiled like an idiot all day. so cute doggyyyyy…. but now i have no money and no food

august, 27 my mom was concerned that i eat nothing but the junkfood. well i dont find other food tasty and dont want to choke on awfull tasting meal. parents went to the bazaar while i sleep (before 3 pm) and bought the boring fruits and disgusting vegs. now kitchen stinks because of beefroot

august, 28 i buyed pepsi black, cheap blue erergy drink bottle and some little wafers. when i went back some 12yo(i guess) teens laughed at me because i had an "emo" pin. i am probably the only emo in this city, its kinda sad

august, 29 my dear friend danny despise and rejects me. im going to starve myself to death

august, 30 i will never be ready for the cruel words from the last person i love. i cant stay sane after that.

august, 31 i watched the famous film "pianist". theres a melody the main character plays, chopins nocturn do diez minor or something like that. i cried because danny loves this melody. just because of that. stared with teary eyes at the screen, then tears went dry, i forgot about everything and watched that movie. and at the end he played that nocturn again. and i cried again, i couldnt stop, i cried till the end of the movie, cried after the end, cried painfully endlessly and was disgusted by my reaction. i watched a beautiful and sad film about loss and real suffering completely tearless but cried like an idiot just because of that damned melody just because my cruel friend loves it.

part 5

september, 1 sadness, yearning and envy driving me bad, my thin body will be a product of pain and limbo

september, 2 my dad is sick and stay at this house. i dont leave my room mostly. i dont want to be in same room with him. not that he is so bad, most of ppl considers him as good man. he just exhaust me without knowing it, we like a different species that cant live together without problems

september, 3 autumn is always fast in this city and september started with cold weather as always. i took a long walk. i love long walks when its cold and dusky, i just need money to buy something at the middle and end of my way. it makes me confident. i walked near the park that everybody call "a forest", i walked near abandoned shacks that once were paychecks, i swinged on wet swings and i felt better than yesterday (tbh i cant remember how i felt yesterday). i found a market near the "forest" there were many foreign items. i bought few cans of drinks and realised that only one had calories. i also boulgt a clipper. i dont smoke, i just love flame and that clipper was cool, black, with skull and "love dead" written under it. thats so relevant and relitable shit for me, even that funny mistake is symbolical

september, 4 i cant concentrate on reading, on every thing, everything is blurry, my head isnt working right, my stomach is hurting all day

september, 5 successfully restricted. i found the place where hobos live. theres some concrete blocks near the school and small church. i bought few drinx and sat on blocks to chill and drink one of them (one with watermelon taste) and then i hear harsh voise underneath these blocks: "fucking teens! get the fuck out from here!!"

september, 6 i saw so perfect boy working in the market. how thin he was and how delicate. i bought few cool zero cal drinks: barr soda with icecrem taste, cola, foreign cherry lemonade. i saw him once, he is cashier there, his name is volodimir and thats all i know about him. he reminds me lead singer of emo band marakesh, he doesnt looks alt at all but he is thin like an anorexic emoboy. i like him not judt because of it, he isnt just another thinspo stranger. i think about him constantly. i feelin like i love him and its stupid, very stupid. i dont know him and i dont think id talk with him someday, i am too bad for people, unatractive. and i dont talk. i am silent always.

september, 7 i only drank some dairy and took random quizes on idrlabs. almost all of them told me that i have mental problem

september, 8 i went to the market with my dad. it was wery strange, liminal experience. there were not many items and almost no people around. it was 9:30 pm. of course i binged (first time this week) but it was not the worst of my binges, and i throwed up some of it. perhabs it was tiring. my back hurts now.

september, 9 ate the rest of snacks and cokes and feelin really shit

september, 10 every day is so same, timewasting, tumblr and movies, day after day and times goes by so senseless, and what should i do, what else can i do? you are lucky if you have friends, if you have someone to spend some time with.

september, 11 its something like an instinct of bear. i bought sweet and greasy food but ate only bag of chips and 4 cookies. soon i felt asleep in unusual early hours, 10 pm or something like that, just lied under blanket in sweater and socks and jeans, i didnt take my clothes off. im feeling cold everyday and sleepy

september, 12 i drank low cal milk and black tea. then i ate jogurt with plums. and again milk. 900 kcals i started this dusky day with movies, not really good ones. then i just browsing aimlessly. talked with my friend danny. thought that he maybe loves me despite some of some of his earlier very mean messages, today he was kind. i send him pic of hobo who lays on concrete under the blanket and hugs his dog and wrote "we?". he answered "we". i said ":3". he also said ":3 i want to sleep more

september, 13 i wanted to eat nothing today but then i wanted to eat something and its bad. only good thing is my mom learned how to make low fat fries

september, 14 i woke up and ate homemade cookies and i even dont know their kcal values then i fall asleep. then i woke up and only drank tea and watched boring movie. im ill, i cant think

september, 15 good things: i restricted i found funny gypsy song about weed danny said something fummy to me (i forget what) i watched "the boys" bad things: i feel shit every minute my memory is getting worse and i forget everything (i forget)

september, 16 im sick. im cold. im coughing. im always irritated. every fuckin day i wake up in sweat, eat too much, feel like a shit and almost dead

september, 17 warm homemaid plain food, milk with honey, hot tea. common things. i probably loosing many calories when coughing that hard. it feels like someones heavy boots strongly kicking my ribcage

september, 18 spicy chips was the only food i didnt regret after consuming it. surprisingly it made my sore throat less sore for some time and made the pain weaker. but other food was ugly mistake, used again to fill that permanently rotting void, all in vain

september, 19 today after piglike eating i understood that every time i try to eat vegan it ends up with massive gross binge. maybe veganism is not an option for person who hate every vegan food option but few fruits that cant make body full

september, 20 mmy belly scrached by all the claws of mine, painted in shiny dark color. i will never be normal or alright, i kmiw it well.

september, 21 i am eaten by sorrow. i am gnawed by grief. why dont you understand me, dont you mind. why dont you listening to me?

september, 22 i wasnt in my room all day from 11 am til 9 pm. it started with a sound of drill and i leave the house bc i cant stand yhe sound of drill. it was there all that time so i couldnt back. i bought cheap bottle of blue energy drink in local market and went to auchan. it located at the very city edge. i walked familiar path thru the field when suddenly there appears the huge fuck. the fucking giant bog spot. it took me half of hour to find my way through. but i did it and i came to the market with boots full of mud and singing the cotton head joe i needed to waste more time so i walked many shops with toys, books, decor art supplies and other. then i spent some money for diet cheap cream soda, energy drinks, some little sweets, black nail polish and spicy chips. i sat at the 1 floor, ate chips and read book from library about pianist with heterohromia. then i walked down the trace down the one of the longest streets in this city. my backpack was heavy because of few litres of drinks, books and notebooks and ome other unknown items. i walked near the bus station where were many people and fat mongrels wanted to sniff me. then i walked in unknown part of the road, lost behind plattenbauen. there were bricks and trees and weird wet trees (today every plant was wet) and cat. i saw one very ugly and attractive buildind, i cant explain why it makes me like that. it looked like theres livevery marginalized and wrathful people and it looked like it slightly burned some time ago. i am obsessed with this one now. i walked those unknown beutiful decaying post soviet streets sometimes stopped to take photos and drink and the sky became darker and more gray. the sky became dark evening. and it started to rain, the downpur. i still walked that longest streets but i turned to its more popular and lighted part and waited for the bus at the buss stop. i was a little tired by the weight of my bag, i could walk some more but i didnt really liked the idea to wear wet clothes when 5 km far from my room. so i returned by the bus. when i walked last few metres to my house i quickly became wet and rain was pouring the rest of the day and all night long

september, 23 another boredom shopping and boredom eating, nothing new. my legs still hurt after yesterday i talked with one guy online about my yesterday walk and i searched that fucked building in google maps and found it. i also tried to find some information about it or at least photos but found nothing but the ad about selling room and private massage salon that may be no longer exist. i started feel paranoic feeling that theres something hiddden there. i thought that someones hides it, maybe to cover places that may be considered by strangers as repulsing, ugly, revolting, to show only fine, good or at least ok=ish places of the city. some may show some good buildungs in bad state with "the dark side of the city" and "scary and dangerous places in lviv" but it will still be something pop and plain and known. i feel that many dont know and dont find and some are hide.i feel that theres something tremedous in That building, something that should be found and shown, something that hidden by someones. i still feel that. well, i can be right or it can be just my paranoia or delusion.

september, 24 too many liquid calories.but also activities to burn it. i was in the countryside today where my grandfather live. i was climbing trees, picking fav sour apples, stinged by nettle, gathering wallnuts, shivering at cold autumn evening. some new bruises on my knees, it feels like a childhood

september, 25 i talk with danny, my last friend. i know that he is not really good friend but i have no one by my side. he is the only person who makes me feel loved even if in rare. sometimes he kind. sometimes he tries to understand what im sayin, sometimes he tries to be a good friend. i still love him. anyway i am much worse friend than him

september, 26 very gross binge on healthy food 1

september, 27 very gross binge on healthy food 2. fuck the healthy food

september, 28 i saw my almost naked body in the mirror at night when went to the bathroom. i was shocked by how ugly i am. i dont want to see it again. now i dont take my clothes, i sleep in jeans and sweater. i didnt wash myself for few weeks because seeing this body naked is really awfull and i cant stand it. i know its gross but i dont even contact with people so who cares. i hide my body from myself under clothes, i avoid looking in the mirrors and reflections. i dont want to see this body, i dont wwant myself.

september, 29 i dont remember what i ate thru tis day, but not too much i think. kitten ronald felt from the window. my mom ran down and pick he up. he is scared and meows painfully sometimes cus he broke his leg. he will be taken to the vet.

september, 30 average day. average restriction, average food intake bc theres so much normal food. average time killing. i dont feel good, nor bad. i dont feel…i dont care about anything, just nothin

[beanies-in-the-clouds]

✩ Pinned post ✩

Hi! Beanie here! I’m an 18-year-old autistic artist and writer who dreams too big and refuses to grow up.

You can call me Beanie (or Charlie if I know you) and I use they/them pronouns!

I have a book series underway! It will likely take years to finish, seeing as there are five installments currently planned, but please feel free to ask me about my characters! I love to ramble about them!

Tags

“Beanie’s art tag” - my art

“Series/character notes” - helpful posts I’ve reblogged and wish to reference later

“Tag games” - …tag games. Self-explanatory lol

“Beanie’s shitpost tag” - basically everything else

I should make a writing tag, but until then… here’s my Ao3 :)

I like…

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Super Mario

Animal Crossing

Studio Ghibli

Avatar: The Last Airbender

(I will probably be getting into tmnt 2k12 very soon)

In my free time, I like to…

Write

Read

Draw

Play video games

Listen to music

Scroll on social media (I try not to, but…)

Mess of Quotes:

(Under the cut because there is quite a sizable mess of them)

“That’s it, laughter! It’s the key to everything!” - “Sad” by Bo Burnham

“All that’s left is you and an infinite void… kinda makes you wanna play saxophone, huh?” - Lumalee, The Super Mario Bros. Movie

“Show me a creature who does not enjoy a breath of fresh air, and I will show you a stinky fish, yes?” - Saharah, Animal Crossing: New Leaf

“Your classmates will roast marshmallows over your failure.” - My literature teacher

“Well someone put the rust in rustic charm.” - Leonardo, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Episode: “One Man’s Junk”)

“If the world is flooded, it will be easy for the duck.” - Miranda, Animal Crossing: New Leaf

“Society is a harsh judge of mediocre-looking snowpeeps.” - Snowboy, Animal Crossing: New Leaf

“I put the ‘I’ in ‘I want to go home.’” - some random girl I eavesdropped on during our concert rehearsal

“You can’t overthink if your heart stops!” - “Brain Implosion Energy Drink” by Flanger Moose

“Don’t be basic, be slaysic” - a drawing on the whiteboard of a Boba tea shop I went to

“It was a fucking horse!” - On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

“My inhaler just tried to play the piano.” - my friend Emma

“It’s all very heterosexual.” - my mom (about some movie I don’t remember the name of)

“Playing Minecraft but with explosions.” - a classmate playing the piano during band

“Food fight, but we throw it all at the bird!” - a classmate

“Are planes in drag?” - my mom

“A Care Bear took a dump in my mouth” - my mom reading some post

“I ain’t a goblin, y’know?” - Resetti, Animal Crossing: Wild World

“Ancient plants turn me into a veritable hootbox!” - Blathers, Animal Crossing: Wild World

“Autocorrect just made me break up with you.” - unknown

“He’s a different genre of man.” - my wonderful boyfriend, Jack (talking about Link)

“That no matter who you are or what you love or where you stand, it was always Coca-Cola in the end.” - On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

“Gentlemen, if you need me, I will be living in this cabinet.” - Donatello, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Episode: ???)

“And today’s doofus of town award goes to… your face!” - Pecan, Animal Crossing: Wild World

“Start the music, start the tears.” - my assistant band director (referencing the UP montage)

“Crocodiles don’t got dentists or nothin’…” - Resetti, Animal Crossing: New Leaf

“The tsunami is the final in your class.” - my friend Avery

“Stop eating the plan!” - Leonardo, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Episode: “Origami Tsunami”)

“So many good things, and that was not part of it.” - my band teacher

“Everyone’s a feminist until there is a spider around.” - “5 Years” by Bo Burnham

“A guy petting a buffalo… that’s worth something, right?” - some funky economy video

“Like a god, but much better dressed.” - Sopica, Happy Street

“Heck no, do I look like a caterpillar to you?” - Kiriko, The Boy and the Heron

“Inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. Enjoy the smell of a dirty sock.” - this

“Hard to be nervous when you’re a cowboy” - my wonderful boyfriend, Jack

“Not as clumsy or random as a brick, an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.” - Darthy, Happy Street

“And all God’s people said oh no.” - my pastor

“And while people say it’s easy to steal candy from a baby, it’s also probably pretty easy to just take the baby.” - this video (timestamp 0:45)

[monstercollection]

I noticed a few bots that have been using what looks like AI generated text posts that almost manage to simulate tumblr's unhinged energy, but were by and largely garbled nonsense. So I decided to try an experiment in the vein of that one person who discovered Chat GPT knew what Omegaverse and realized it may have scrubbed AO3.

Now I am not an AI expert and this was my first time playing around with the software. I don't even know if it's the program the bots are using so this was more for fun than scientific.

But I feel pretty confident that ChatGPT algorithm has no fucking clue what goes on here.

I tried some recent memes first and asked it to write posts about some popular tags. Apparently most of the data (according to the it's own disclaimer) comes from 2021 or earlier but I didn't figure that out until part way through the test, so I sort of wasted my time asking about things like Goncharov (which it had never heard of it).

It did generate me a very sweet letter from my good friend Johnathan Harker but when I prompted it to write a Tumblr post about him, it seemed pretty clear it was just drawing on public domain stuff. The style it was written in was basically a bad impersonation of a stereotypical fan girl writing an advertisement for the book, which makes sense considering the AI is more intended for things like marketing and trained on things like SEO.

When I asked about Horse Plinko, it suggested ideas for how you could make a plinko game for horses to play but cautioned against committing acts of animal cruelty.

Once I figured out the fact that most of it's data came from pre-2021 I tried some world heritage posts.

It knew Spiders Georg was some kind of meme but suggested it was a nonsensical phrase people throw at the end of a sentence as a joke. The example it gave was "Who stopped the car? Spiders Georg."

When I asked it about how to get shoelaces from the president, it told me it could not help me in the commission of a crime.

As a control, I tested out some old pre-tumblr memes. It could generate Lolcat captions very successfully (using image descriptions instead of pictures). I asked for a meme in the style of "I Can Has Cheezburger" and it described a picture of a cat in a chef's hat with the caption "I made you a purrito because it has love in it, and fur!" and a few other things that made it clear it was at least trained on late 2000s memes. It even gave me a decent Lolrus joke.

The other prompts I tried ("write a post in the style of a cat girl," "write a [post asa furry," "write a thread about Izzy Hands") continued to read all read by posts like posts by influences or advertisements. It loaded everything up with what seemed like the most optimal tags. And that makes sense, since the demand is for content people can monetize. So there is not much of a reason for it to have been trained on the most unmonetizable (and incoherent) sites on earth. I feel like if it tried it would probably do irreparable damage to ChatGTP's algorithm.

My experiments then turned to trying to break ChatGPT's filters on explicit content. They have caught on to the whole "omegaverse" thing and it refused to give me anything I requested with that in the prompt. However, I discovered that if I asked it for a story about "Ron DeSantis on heat suppressants" it would generate that. Nothing smutty, but it did two separate badly written stories about how the governor of Florida was an Alpha who became a more effective leader when he discovered a medical miracle that stopped his heat cycle.