#WHY DID SHE SAY IT LIKE THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT (I KNOW WHY.)

[biomic]

AWUWHUGHGHUHGUHUHAWUHG GOHH MY GODDD D/????/??

[yoshimickster]

RWBY Volume 5 Ep 1 Recap(plus shorts)-HERE WE GO(spoilers)!

Shorts will be recapped in a few sentences cos...well they short.

Weiss flashes back to her sister Winter foreshadowing that the’s next to die while sitting on a train. SORRY WINTER QROW SHIPPERS-her time is nigh.

Blake flashes back to her friend explaining why she fights for civil rights when she passes for whit-I MEAN-human! Yup, human, ALL while failing at an attempt to stop Adam “I love teenagers” Taurus’ plans.

And Yang flashes back to the time her and her sister were almost killed by a bear because Ruby couldn’t do dick without a weapon at the time-RIGHT BEFORE-ironically saying she’ll always be by her side...ALL while riding a motorcycle aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!

Basically three sad flashbacks-THERE YA GO!

The episode starts out SWINGING with team RNJR criticizing the show’s logic of having them walk all the way to Mistral, and joking about how Qrow almost died. HAHA death.

1:04 We are then treated to what only looks like rejected character and background designs to Legend of Korra and/or Avatar the last Airbender! Don’t get me wrong, nice drawings, but don’t they have the budget to freaking animate crowds anymore?

1:33 Qrow gives brief Mistral backstory right before-SURPRISE AIRPLANE MOTHER FUCKERS! You are shocked, do not lie.

1:44 Weiss has WITTY banter with the airship pilot of cargo ship three-THE FIGHTIN’ TRES-where Weiss hears a cry for peril which the pilot ignores...kinda...kinda dark.

3:07 We are then treated to the city, where...no-one is anywhere...throughout the whole town...you know you can only use Grimm attacks to not animate crowds in large spaces for SO long Rooster Teeth.

3:56

Nora: Maybe try...LOUDER?!

Damn Nora, when you get sassy?

Thankfully Qrow points out how it makes no sense that there are no CGI models running around-AND SPRING INTO ACTION!  

4:31 They close in on a door and find-SOME OLD MAN THEY MAKE FAINT...FAKE OUT! Next thing you’ll tell me is that his name is Spencer Pokensensen and that he’s a servant of the courts.

4:50 As for what HORRIFYING event caused him to not greet them at the gate it turns out...HE FORGOT...are all headmasters incompetent? Ozpin didn’t see team MEAN until they struck, and this guy is forgetting meetings, what the hell?

5:05 Team RNJR introduces themselves all saying there names as if fans forgot-OR-for those weirdos who start a show in its fifth season. Yeah I know you exist-AND YOU’RE SCUM!

5:12 The new Headmaster’s name is....Leonardo Lionheart...I don’t have a joke for that, that just sounds AWESOME!

5:36 Qrow reveals he told the team about the ancient mystical glow orbs of destiny, and Nora does her perfect impression of every fandom ever:

“...SO-is this not going how anyone thought it would?”

But enough about that-

5:53

Ghira: UNBELIEVABLE!

Sun: TOTAL GARBAGE!

...my god...THEY AGREE ON SOMETHING! FUTURE FATHER-IN LAW AND SON IN LAW BONDING! Er...POTENTIAL future father in law, heh heh(Bumblebee fans don’t hate me please).

5:59

Kali: Well at least you two can finally agree on something.

This is why I love you Kali, you are absolute purity in this magical Harry Potter meets X-men meets M.A.S.K. world.

6:10

Blake: Guys, everything’s gonna be okay.

...Blake...being positive...I am scared.

6:20 Blake is revealed to have an unnamed body-gaurd whom the fandom will attach a personality to WHILE ILIA DROPS IN...okay they HAVE technology in this world, she should’ve tripped off some damn motion sensors-SPEND SOME MONEY GHIRA!

Ilia then reveals that she took the fall for those creepy fox...brothers? Or are they married? I’m cool with either, I just want some background on who were originally supposed to be the main villains of volume 1(seriously, look it up).

8:00 SILENT PRINCIPAL’S ROOM-get ready for dramatic exposition babies!

Leo reveals the reason for a lack of teachers and students is OF COURSE-because of the Grimm...ironically from the Vale attack, DAMN this show is good at long lasting consequences.

9:13 OH WOW-Atlas is being a problem? Know what else, WATER IS WET!

9:42 OBLIGATORY RENORA SITTING TOGETHER MOMENT-there ya go you ship-hounds!

We are THEN told that each Maiden can open a specific door with their own abilities...I keep making Avatar parables, but that sounds RATHER Avatar, you know like in Volume 1 with the fire temple?

“She was determined at first, but the weight of responsibility proved too much for the child”.

AND THEN THERE’S THAT-that is AANG mother fucker!

11:30 Typical Avatar, runs away from home, gets picked up by bird bandits-WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

12:17

Qrow: WE NEED TO GET THE SPRING MAIDEN NOW!

Leo: DAMMIT QROW, you don���t have a search warrant!

Qrow: SCREW YOUR WARRANT-lives are at stake!

Leo: YOU’RE A LOOSE CANNON BRANWEN! YOU’RE OFF THE CASE!

14:06 OOOH-poor Johnny boy, he REALLY wants him some revenge on Cinder.

15:06 But thankfully they make a logical compromise and-HOLY SHIT-he was lying because of Watts! I thought he was tricking him or some shit, this is WAY more interesting!

15:30 HEY-its that end scene from volume four! HOORAY FOR CYCLICITY! 

16:31 WELCOME TO JUST RITE-for all your Seven Elleven gas station allegorical needs!

...wait that place has a BAR?! Its a gas station...where people go to feul their vehicles...and serves alcohol...thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is a messy combination.

17:30 Yang gets hit on by a drunk guy, then hits him SO HARD he bounces like four time! What is his semblance having a body made of rubber?

18:01 AH-Yang does the Archer drink finger-AWESOME!

18:18 WELP-we got our answer, she went after Raven-COMMENCE ALT-U FAN STORIES NOW!

18:56 Hey girly, I heard your looking for someone!

Damn, literally the ONLY TIME in history when getting hit on by a drunk creepy guy pays off!

19:00 OH DAMN-spooky music, WHO COULD IT B-oh its just Oz...didn’t we know that all ready in the trailer? And did we need a second pointless fake-out? A TAD superfluous.

I would also like to point out this is the ONLY time a man getting drunk and taking an underage boy home with him is okay, the ONLY time!

We then close out the ep with Oscar introducing his Bishie ass to the group as Oscar Pine(mother-fucker’s name was a play on the Prof’s name, twas DESTINY), reveals he’s mother-fucking OZPIN, all while the drunken old man on the couch REJOICES! HOORAY FOR ACCIDENTAL SUCCESS!

We’re also treated to the NEW theme song, lots of action, lots of fighgint, bitter sweet messages yadda yadda, you know how it goes. 

WELCOME TO VOLUME FIVE BABIES-this has been MicksteRecap with Yoshimickster, hope we can be pals this season!