#We never see canon relationships between a man and a masculine nonbinary character

[punkiio]

I know that, as of right now, Lucy and Maximus are the canon relationship in the show (and I like them together)... But I can't help but think that the show has the perfect opportunity to use Dane and Maximus as commentary on the way queer people in the military were treated in that era (40s-50s) and what their lives were like, if they decide to make Dane and Maximus have at least a little thing together...

[starwarssapphicweek]

Hello! First of all thank you for hosting a sapphic SW event and promoting a community and content, I've been excited about the upcoming Sapphic SW week event--but I do have some concerns about the "genderbending" day. I want to preface by saying this is not an attack on the event or anyone running the event, I understand this is a lot of work and time and in the end it's all just for fun. But I would be remiss if I did not voice my concerns on who we are excluding from sapphic spaces and who we are prioritizing with the inclusion of this prompt. While at first I took this as a day as "genderbending" canonic men into women to make a mlm or m/f ship into a wlw ship so that it would shift focus to the value and exploration of relationships between women or imagining characters as trans women, I have found the explanation of this day increasingly worrying in the context of a sapphic and women centered event and space. First of all with the term and practice of "genderbending," while it can be fun it is also steeped in gender binary thinking and stereotypes and often inconsiderate of trans people and how the complexities of gender and gender nonconformity play out. I think celebrating and exploring masculinity in women and sapphics is fantastic and can be done through butch, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming identities, we can celebrate those who are not only part of the community but often excluded from it without prioritizing men and relationships between men. Perhaps the "genderbending" prompt can be shifted in some way to reflect that? While I'm thrilled about the butch4butch and femme4femme prompt, I feel it is a bit reductive to use that prompt as the only avenue and placeholder for masculinity in women and sapphics and also still ignores the issue that by shifting binary women to binary men the focus is shifted away from women/sapphics and relationships between women/sapphics, which is vastly undervalued in not only fandom spaces--Star Wars fandom spaces specifically--but society at large. It's just disappointing to see some of the small space we have carved out to make more room for men and relationships between men.

There is no one being excluded by asking for a prompt that asks to explore the possibility of women being men. If anything the prompt can be amended to include nonbinary headcanons. If the prompt was cisswap as has been a suggested term instead of genderbending, the concern about trans identities being excluded would make more sense. But this is asking that women be men, if someone were to use a character that is already established as trans or non binary we aren't asking that those identities be erased, the non binary character doesn't even need anything to be changed about them. It is simply, if there is a woman in the relationship what would be the wider impacts on the story and universe of Star Wars at large if she were a man this time.

The implication that we are only thinking in binary thinking by putting a caveat of asking that women be men for this prompt, to let people who genderbend their mxm ships know that this is still not the space for their content, feels as if it ignores the ways that this event has been run in the past. Sure, trans headcanons have never been ask for specifically, there has never been a community submission for that prompt in the past, that doesn't mean that they haven't been allowed in the past. It is open ended and welcome to everyone to do at any point if that is what they feel like making.

This blog has always been about centering the female characters, we have a rule that allows for mxf ships to be genderbent to fit into the fxf cetegory because sometimes it's fun to imagine what if the mxf ship were sapphic. Because of the amount of content that is made where some of the most popular mxm ships are now fxf we have been adamant about keeping that content off of the blog due to the fact that the women of Star Wars by and large do not get nearly as much content or attention as the men do. We simply do not want to open the floodgates of having the most popular mxm ships become the center of sapphic week even if it's for a day.

This prompt is one day of the week, one prompt of 14 that have been put out this year. It isn't required to be used by anyone. It was simply a prompt to explore a thought experiment. If people want to explore deep and wide explorations of gender and the wider narrative through this prompt that is great! But if they just want to explore how aesthetics might change in a visual piece where Padme and Sabe are now men, that is fine too. It is an open ended prompt that is not telling anyone that they have to adhere to any gender constructs aside from what would it be like if this woman were now a man.

If anything genderbending has for a long time now been men being bent to be women. It was a tongue in cheek ask of the community to do the opposite of what the common trends are. It's a subversion of expectations and a space to queer the narrative in ways that may not have been considered before.

This will be the final post on this topic. If you feel like this isn't the space for you that is fine, we just ask that we all move on peacefully. This just isn't the space for having these kinds of conversations. This is a blog for hosting events around sapphic ships, not a blog about gender and sexuality.

[josiecarioca]

Some ramblings on Canon!Snape, Post War!Snape and the feminine.

I´m going to open this by saying that MANY other people in the Snapedom have already covered the subject of how far removed from “traditional masculinity” Snape is, and they did much more extensively and competently than I could ever hope to, so I´ll mostly talk about how I read and write Snape. You can go to the tags that deal with trans/gay/queer/nonbinary/LGBTQIA Snape to read discourse that is much deeper than mine, written by people much better equipped to talk about gender and different sexual identities than I am. Also for the purposes of this post I´ll probably be making a lot of feminine/masculine oversimplifications, because I´ll be dealing mostly with archetypes of what´s masculine and feminine.

That being said:

In my opinion, even if you write and headcanon Severus Snape as a straight cis man, like I do, it is fundamental that you never forget that, as a character, he´s DEEPLY connected with the feminine and femininity in general.

Now, if you read my fics or stumbled on any material from my tumblr ever, you know my Snape is straight and cis, and paired with Evelyn Black, an original character who´s also straight and cis and quite feminine (hyper feminine even). That´s not because I particularly dislike the idea of a Snape who´s gay or trans, but because I wanted to explore the relationship a straight, cis man who´s not masculine in the traditional way would have with femininity.

And that´s because canon Snape is surrounded by the feminine, and I dare say, operates much better within the realm of the “traditionally” feminine.

Snape grew up in an abusive household (no need to go in depth there), where the source of most of the abuse and dysfunction seems to have been the male parental figure. There´s some room to debate just how neglectful his mother is, but one thing is NOT up for debate: Severus identifies with his mother MUCH more than he identfies with his father. He actively chooses her maiden name of “Prince” as an alias for his alter ego, “The half blood Prince”. An alter ego is, usually, an improved, idealized version of the individual, and it certainly seems to have been the case for him. So his idealized version of himself was, in a way, modelled after his mother.

The first person he finds a deep connection with, outside of his family unit, is a female figure: Lily. There´s much debate in the Snapedom as to what exactly is the nature of this connection, some see it as a straightforward story of unrequited romantic love, others see it as a platonic friendship that´s actually much deeper and all consuming than romantic love could be, and there are also various interpretations covering all the spectrum between the two, but nobody (even anti Snape HP fans) will dispute that Snape´s ENTIRE LIFE from that point on is shapped by Lily: their relationship, her words, actions, opinions, her rejection, her son, her memory. Snape´s life is all about Lily.

Aside from these two main primordial female figures, Snape tends to gravitate towards women quite a bit. In his teaching career the closest thing to a friendship he has (and by friend I mean somebody who cares about him without any sort of agenda) seems to be his connection with Minerva. We don´t really see him being friends with men. There´s Lucius, but Lucius groomed him into a Death Eater from childhood and there´s many power imbalances in their relationships (also the fact that Snape is a spy for the opposing side), there´s Dumbledore, but their relationship is more based on Snape being a central part of Dumbledore´s plans to defeat Voldermort, than actual friendship or affection. As for other male figures in Snape´s life, his interactions with them can be described as  “mostly cordial but distant” (Hagrid, Flitwick,Filch), “somewhat cordial as mandated by social rules, but filled with contempt” (Lockhart, Lupin), “keeping a cover, but he secretly loathes them” (any male DE+Voldemort) or just “openly hostile” (pick any marauder that isn´t Lupin). In short, Snape isn´t really that close with men, his friendships tend to be with women.

And many times his negative interactions with men have one underlying theme: toxic masculinity.

We have Tobias: drunk, violent, the poster boy for “classic archetype of the abusive dad”.

We have James, who doesn´t hesitate to sexually assault and humiliate Severus in public AND use him as a bargaining chip to pressure Lily into going out with him. And who continues to bully Snape while lying to Lily that he “got better”

We have Sirius who enables James´ sexually charged violence, and is often shown with symbolic markers of the stereotypical bad boy/alpha male (popular, agressive, charming, rides a motorcycle, bedroom covered with pictures of women in bikinis).

We have Voldemort, who was so willing to buy the narrative of “men only want women for sex” that he never sees or understands Snape´s love of Lily (the “other women” remark, as if all Severus needed Lily for was sex, and could thus easily replace her with any willing woman). Voldemort is blinded by toxic masculinity to the point he basically lets himself be fooled by Snape.

It seems like whenever Severus approaches the masculine or masculine characters, it either harms him (his father, the marauders) or it brings out the worst in him (Lucius, Voldmort). The most positive male figure in his life is Dumbledore, who just...uses him. Even the women with whom he has negative interactions dont seem to have such a negative impact on him (he looks down on Bellatrix, Petunia or Umbridge, but they´re never more than annoyances to him)

In many ways this happens because Snape doesn´t conform to what traditional masculinity expects of him. There´s far more detailed discouse about it in the Snapedom, but a few things come to mind:

The Severus x James ENTIRE feud is about opposing traditional and non traditional masculinities. James is a classic "man´s man" archetype: rich, charming, athletic, popular, mostly associates with other men, creates an exclusive club with these other men, demands a girl go out with him, and not only does she do it, but she marries him and bears him a child. James is less a character and more of an Axe body spray commercial. Severus on the other hand, never gets close to this masculine ideal: he's awkward, skinny, plain, shows no interest in sports, doesn´t seem to have a circle of friends around him (he´s pretty much lured into the DE scene through grooming), never agressively pursues any woman, and his interests are far less stereotypically "manly".

Speaking of his interests: We can quite confidently deduce from text hints that his talent for potions comes form his mother. And we all know potions, healing and the use of medicinal plants is HISTORICALLY a feminine domain. There´s vast literature on witches, wisewomen and othere female figures through history who were not only initiated in such knowledge but were persecuted for it. Traditionaly, such traditions are passed down from mother to daughter, but here we see, possibly, a mother passing it down to her son.

Another interesting aspect of Snape's character is how closely associated with the concept of "motherhood" he seems to be.

First, the main determing female figures in his life are both mothers: Eileen and Lily. In fact, Lily´s motherhood is the whole center of Snape's motivation in canon. All he does to protect Harry, he does specifically because of who his mother is. Severus not only identifies himself with his mother, but he also needs to identify Harry with Lily in order to protect him. As much as he sees Harry as James 2.0 and treats him with contempt for it, the fact that he is Lily´s son is the true true motivation for all he does.

Snape´s interaction with Narcisa Malfoy in the Unbreakable Vow chapter is also telling. Yes, part of his actions here can be explained by the simple decision of not breaking cover. He has to play along, and Bellatrix is standing right there. But the text´s insistence in showing us how distraught Narcisa is, how much she fears for Draco´s life, and how almost melodramatic the whole thing is, can get you thinking. Motherhood is a very important theme in Harry Potter. Whenever a mother is shown, and maternal love is discussed, it's for a reason. Narcisa is, in many ways, a foil and inverted mirror for Lily. Lily´s motherly love saves Harry as a baby, and years later Narcisa´s motherly love for Draco saves Harry again. Lily dies to protect Harry, Narcisa is willing to do anything to protect Draco. What the two have in common? Snape, standing right there, being the only person who can protect their children when they can´t, filling their role in their absence, in a way.  Sure, he can´t break cover in that scene, but there's a huge chance Snape just has a soft spot for mothers.

All of that makes for a compelling case for Snape´s non traditional-masculine identity. There´s many headcanons and discourses that amplify and debate  different aspects of this identity, and read him as trans, non binary, etc and they do it beautifully. Because the truth is that canonically Snape's entire character has to do with gender, and how toxic masculinity can harm women,  as well as men and boys who don´t conform to it.

In my case, when writing “Post War”, I decided I´d enjoy exploring the concept of a cis man, who is not traditionally masculine (and who has suffered for not fully conforming to what's traditionally expected of him). He keeps his mother´s potions books and uses them to brew potions for menstrual cramps or birth control like the wisewomen of the past did. He dabbles in being a “house husband" and stay home while Evelyn has a job that takes her out of the house. He forms close bonds and can be protective of women other than Evelyn (Alice, Lizzie, Sophia, Caitlin, Minerva, Charity, Tancey, Meredith). He joins Evelyn´s family in a way it´s more traditional for women to join their husband´s family. He enjoys sex, but has to consciously work through sex related traumas and work to embrace his enjoyment of it while letting go of toxic aspects of his past sexual experiences.

My version of Snape doesn´t perform masculinity as it would be expected of him, but at the same time he´s absolutely fascinated by how unapologetically feminine Evelyn is, and how she expresses that. To her, being hyper feminine is a big part of her identity and  equal parts about having fun and asserting power/gaining confidence through the reclaiming of  behaviours that are often seen as “weak”, because they´re “girly”. All about Evelyn´s femininty, the clothes, high heels, the make up, open displays of affection, the domain of the home and the hearth, all the performance of femininity in which she engages makes him feel very well at ease, because he´s been immersed in the feminine all his life. In a way, it´s actually fun and soothing for him to be around that type of energy, because it gives him the freedom to operate in a “frequency” of masculinity that he feels more comfortable with, that is a a quieter, less agressive, and more contructive brand of it. Basically masculinity that embraces the feminine and grows from the contact.

My version of Snape is quite comfortable with being a man, just not in the way he´s witnessed other men (like James or Tobias) do it.  

[myheartissetinmotion]

hello, internet

I’m really about to expose myself here huh

anyway, this post is the brainchild of my quarantine. Beginning somewhere around April (what even is time) and ongoing to this day, I’ve written screenplays and fics, made pinterest boards and spotify playlists, dreamed up choreography, and plotted storylines, all as a product of both escapism from this insane world and yearning to be part of my favorite tv show in any capacity.

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, buckle your seatbelts and allow me to introduce you to “Zoey’s Extraordinary Cousin”, Victoria Evelyn Clarke.

(most of this was written before s2 premiered, and I won’t always be changing her whole story as it would be required on this post, but I’ll continue to add fics which modify stuff to fit s2 canon)

general stuff

name: Victoria Evelyn Clarke (named after a song-first-and a friend-middle)

nickname: Tori

age: 23

height: 5′9″ (plenty of opportunity for the brogrammers to joke about how short Zoey is when compared to her younger cousin)

hair: auburn, medium length, wavy

eyes: hazel, she wears glasses

family: her father is Mitch’s brother, so Maggie and Mitch are her aunt and uncle, making Zoey and David her cousins

occupation: just graduated from a BFA musical theatre program; hired to play piano in the SPRQpoint lobby, stays there for most of the time that her story is shown and eventually books a role in the LA area, which causes her departure from the show (if she’s just a recurring character)

a few of her functions as a character

disclaimer: I’m fully aware that a lot of concepts I’ve come up with for her couldn’t actually happen on the show (especially if I played her, which of course is the ultimate dream), but I just wanted to put all of my ideas into one place

because she ends up working at SPRQpoint, Victoria serves as a bridge between Zoey’s work life and family life, making the story more cohesive

due to the blood relation and her empathetic nature, she can tell when people are singing to her. Zoey tells her about the power right away, and she provides insight, taking on a similar role to Mo but with the added bonus of already knowing her family and getting to know her coworkers better. A complication in the powers is always interesting, and it opens the door for many more possibilities

she’ll bring more musical theatre songs to the table and diversify the music genres discussed on the show; it would also be really interesting to have a character that plays an instrument and see how that might factor into heartsongs

she’d strengthen the theme of music bringing empathy through storytelling; through her insight and empathetic nature, she sees qualities in some characters that Zoey and the audience haven’t seen yet

she’s been the “therapist friend” all her life, and a big part of her arc is learning how to take care of herself and realizing that her own emotions are just as valid as those of the people she helps; this gives a contrast to Zoey’s initial awkwardness when it comes to emotions and helping people, and they help each other through everything

the fact that she quickly falls for Leif sends Zoey into a bit of a tailspin; she feels that she has to tell her what else he’s sung, which results in a question about the ethics of the power and privacy. This’ll give more depth to Leif (who we’ve barely heard from emotionally since mid-ep-11; there’s a lot behind “things change, people change” that I’m curious about) along with bringing out a protective side to Zoey and deepening the Clarke family dynamic

personality and characterization tidbits

hufflepuff through and through

sees the best in people

loves music and is really knowledgeable about it (see Zoey and Mo in the relationship section down below for the impact of this) and has escaped into it her whole life; this makes her almost a foil to Zoey as they balance each other out

just as awkward as Zoey; one can absolutely tell that they’re related if only by their speech patterns and appearance

has a playlist for every imaginable human emotion

bi and hopeless romantic, but has never really felt wanted

unashamed theatre kid

quick-thinking and witty, intelligent but idealistic, and sometimes comes across as naïve

passionate about activism and working for change

feels and cares very deeply

see pinterest board and spotify playlist below in the references section for more

relationships with other characters

Zoey Clarke: her cousin. After graduation, Victoria visits her family to be there for them after the funeral, and this begins her storyline. The extended Clarke family is tight-knit, and she and Zoey have been really close friends throughout their entire lives. They can read each other well, and the established relationship is really clear in their dialogue and the way that each is one of the few people that the other feels genuinely comfortable around. Partly because Zoey never had a younger sibling, she was always very protective of her younger cousin. This comes into play in a huge way during Victoria’s storyline, beginning with her second heartsong. One of Zoey’s internal conflicts throughout this situation is the decision of how much to share with Tori of what she knows due to earlier heartsongs; she feels it would be an invasion of privacy to tell too much, but she also feels at the start that Tori is being naïve and a bit too trusting and doesn’t want her to get hurt. This struggle deals with both Zoey’s personal relationships and the ethics of the power.

Leif Donnelly: the reason for the aforementioned internal conflict. Victoria falls hard and fast for him during her first tour of the fourth floor, leading to her second heartsong. When confronted by a dumbfounded Zoey about it, she denies it as nothing more than infatuation at first sight, but this gets harder to believe as time goes on and Zoey has to watch her cousin and sworn rival genuinely becoming friends. After a few weeks, she learns and has to accept that Victoria’s feelings are genuine. Reciprocation, though, is a whole different matter; they find this out by way of another heartsong, which is also how Victoria learns of her own addition to the power. Witnessing that song pushes Zoey over the edge, and similarly to s1e5, she eventually blurts out the truth about Leif’s previous heartsongs and relationship with Joan, which leads to Victoria’s very conflicted heartsong rendition of “Toxic” (because if no one sings it to him at some point in the series, that’s a seriously missed opportunity). We see their later conversation: Victoria isn’t sure how to bring it up, but she doesn’t have to, because the events of the end of s1 obviously did take a big toll on Leif and he wants to be honest with her about it (see chapter 7 of singin’ from a streetlight). It would be interesting if she had something to do with the way he eventually found out about the power; Victoria lives very much by her moral compass, and she would feel awful about knowing things that he doesn’t know that she knows. If I had to sum up the relationship in terms of how it serves the show, Victoria sees the parts of Leif that Zoey and the audience (for most of the season) don’t, and he’s one of the first people who’s ever made her feel wanted.

Mo Montgomery: these two get along splendidly. So splendidly, in fact, that Zoey sometimes even regrets introducing them, especially when she can’t sleep due to their late-night, belt-to-the-rafters karaoke sessions that can be heard through the apartment walls. Mo finally has someone in the building (Victoria is staying with Zoey through the duration of her arc on the show) who properly appreciates music, and the three of them (plus Max and whoever else learns about the power-Simon absolutely has to in season 2, come on) become a sort of ragtag let’s-figure-out-this-crazy-power group of friends.

David Clarke: I’ve always thought that the backstory revealed in ep 5 of David being a former theatre kid was really interesting. He and Victoria have bonded over this for a long time, and she feels betrayed when he leaves it behind due to the toxic masculinity explored in ep 5. I’d love an ep called “Zoey’s Extraordinary Brother” or something that goes deeper into that; Victoria definitely has a hand in helping David embrace that part of himself, and she’s almost as close with him as she is with Zoey.

Max Richman: she’s actually known him for quite a while, having done a bit of community theatre with him before he even met Zoey (because you cannot tell me that this man, who can canonically sing and dance and genuinely enjoys it, wasn’t one of the only boys in his high school theatre program and didn’t ever play Georg Novak at some point). He seemed to have gone through some Good Old Fashioned Character Development in ep 12, what with the “focus on yourself right now” and everything, but there’s still quite a lot to unpack that was revealed between 7 and 11. Honestly, I just want to see someone Talk Some Freakin Sense Into Him, and an old friend who’s been removed from the situation but knows both him and Zoey very well is a pretty good bet.

Simon Haynes: Victoria, along with Mo, acts as Zoey’s confidant for the central love triangle. She’s a bit put off by the idea of Simon’s cheating, but sympathizes with both him and Jessica after learning the whole story; upon meeting him, she thinks he’s wonderful. (he honestly gets some of my favorite dialogue on the show...who else can pull off all of those deep conversations along with “this is a classy affair, of course there’ll be pigs in a blanket”? in this house we appreciate JCS)

Tobin Batra: the first person she meets on her first tour of SPRQpoint, much to Zoey’s dismay. As the audience learns more about him (which I’m so freakin excited for, by the way), he and Victoria share quite a bit of banter while the season goes on. Tobin also thoroughly enjoys trying to push Leif and Victoria together, and there are a lot of fun scenes in which he has a blast acting as a wingman for his oldest and newest friends.

Mitch and Maggie Clarke: they mean absolutely everything to her. Victoria’s parents are usually supportive, but they often consider her career as an entity separate from her as a person and discuss it as if the decisions are up to them; she was always able to come to her aunt and uncle when she needed to, and she’ll always be grateful to them for it. As  previously mentioned, the extended Clarkes are really close, and Victoria deeply regrets not being able to make it to Mitch’s funeral. At the start of her arc, she believes that she doesn’t have as much right to grieve and that she has to “stay strong” for her family. Over the course of her storyline, she realizes that there are people that are there for her just as much as she’s there for them. This includes Leif, Zoey, and Mo; Maggie is one of the most important of these for her. Family is at the core of this show, and at the core of Victoria’s being.

Emily Kang: first of all, I’m still hoping she gets “Everything Changes” from Waitress in season 2. Victoria admires her wit and they enjoy each other’s company; when needed, she loves babysitting her second cousin.

Abigail: give her a last name gosh darnit. I hope she comes back as an intern in season 2; she and Tori would be SUCH good friends, and it might be neat if they had a duet of sorts, so that she’d be signing with the strings carrying on her part as Tori sang.

Aiden:  okay, I knew from the beginning they’d be best friends oh my god. She’s closer in age to him than she is to Zoey; she was often babysat by her cousins when she was little, and that’s how she got to know the kid next door, the kid who air-guitared along to the radio and made plans with her to travel the world when they got older. Naturally, she had the biggest crush on him, which Zoey thought was hilarious. They still support each other’s music and keep in touch to this day.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen in season 2 with new characters, etc, and whether characters such as Joan, Autumn, Howie, Eddie, Deb, Ava, Jessica, etc are coming back. My ideas for this character and her relationships will obviously change as the show progresses (I say as if anything will happen-it’s one of the only things I have left to hope for, okay, voice in my head, shut up) and I’m looking forward to seeing how the story continues to unfold.

some potential heartsongs

“Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” from The Phantom of the Opera: the first that the audience sees of her. After an episode of Zoey Going Through Some Stuff, she needs to talk to her dad, and realizes once she reaches the cemetery that she’s not the only one. It’s raining, much as it was when they tried to choose his plot. It’s just the beginning of the song; on “all that you dreamed I could”, Victoria’s voice cracks-she’s crying as she’s singing-and she trails off, then the instrumental continues while they talk. I mean, we’ve already had a song from an ALW musical...IT COULD WORK.

“Absolutely Smitten” by Dodie: after her first tour of the fourth floor, to an oblivious Leif. I’ve always wondered why they haven’t used the swings in the choreography yet, so I just decided to do it because Why Not. The vibes of this song would be perfect for the vibes of SPRQpoint, and it works for the scene as well; it’s vulnerable enough to be the beginning of real feelings, but cutesy enough for her to deny it to Zoey as nothing more than infatuation. If we can put the railing on the staircase back in from the pilot, it fits pretty well as a sliding-down-the-railing song, if that makes sense.

“Human” by Christina Perri: a visit to her parents. enough said. It serves as a major release for Victoria as well as the reveal that she’s far from the put-together person that she tries to be; I also feel like this kind of song would fit well into the show, and it’s more recognizable to the mainstream than most of the other songs on this list. This is also a wake-up call to Zoey that her cousin really is hurting, and the “help” that prevents the song from haunting her comes from the fact that she’s the first person to really understand Victoria’s relationship with her parents and be there for her.

“Strawberry Blond” by Mitski: the epitome of Yearning™. A few weeks have passed since “Absolutely Smitten”, and as much as Zoey would like to stay in denial about her cousin’s feelings, the universe isn’t going to let her; “I love everybody because I love you” is pretty difficult to twist out of context. This one is short and sweet, starting at the second verse and skipping to the repeated chorus. The choreo epitomizes the paradox of combined awkwardness and grace that lies at the heart of Tori’s character. She floats and spins, propelling herself around the office as if lifted from within by the music, never taking her eyes away from Leif. This is when Zoey realizes that she actually has to deal with it, prompting the swear guitar title card; this song and the next two are all part of the same episode.

“Victoria” by Jukebox the Ghost: this song is Leif’s; she accompanies it. Zoey comes downstairs to the lobby a few hours after the workday ends and hears the piano, but there’s no one playing it. It would be really interesting to see the way that instrumentals happen in heartsongs if there are actually instruments in the room; just something fun to play with in regards to the power. (yes, I named her after this song specifically for the purpose of this song, and I’m aware that if the full song is taken into its own context it doesn’t portray a particularly healthy relationship but the piano part is cool and the song just has this electric energy okay?!?!?!) The choreography is very La-La-Land-esque; it’s sweeping and explosive as they make their way across the lobby. At the second verse, she starts actually playing the piano; this cut of the song goes to the last chorus after the second verse. This is also another example of Tori’s being able to tell when she’s being sung to (the way that she finds this out is explained in jumpstarted (see below), but that wouldn’t work in this universe, so this song is how she finds out if she were actually a character). She’s in utterly joyful disbelief, going in between trading incredulous glances with Zoey and allowing herself to fall into the choreography. This song is the turning point for Zoey when it comes to the relationship she’s witnessing; while they’re on the piano bench, Leif smiles at Victoria in a similar way to the end of episode 7, and this sends Zoey’s protective-older-cousin-mode into overdrive. Feelings are one thing, but reciprocation is quite another, and this is when Zoey realizes that she has no choice but to tell Victoria the truth.

“In Case You Don’t Live Forever” by Ben Platt: let’s say that at the beginning of this episode, there was a dream that Zoey had about an old memory with Mitch in which she watches her younger self heartsing this to him, and she’s attempted for all of that time in between to remember the melody. A few days after “Victoria” takes place, Zoey is struggling to figure out how to bring up the needed conversation, and she tries to preface it by explaining how much Victoria means to her. She doesn’t get very far in her speech before she hears the music she heard in her dream; this song is Tori revealing how much she’s always looked up to Zoey, which brings her to tears and causes her to blurt out the last line of the episode: “I need to tell you something.”

“Toxic” by Britney Spears: tbh, this song once came on the radio and I thought “...wait a minute”. It’ll also be more recognizable compared to this list of showtunes and indie pop. This song takes place on the fourth floor during the next episode; Mo has come to pick up the cousins for their weekly lunch, and he and Tori are once again trying to give Zoey a crash course on musical pop culture. Today’s lesson is pop of the early 2000s, and Tori tries to give a demonstration by singing the first verse, almost unable to due to how hard the three of them are laughing. They walk past the conference room where a meeting is taking place, Leif sitting at the head of the table, and Zoey barely notices the instrumentals that have been building in the background until Tori stops short and the all-too-familiar riff (yknow, the daaaaada dadada) comes operatically from her throat rather than the invisible synth. Mo can tell by Zoey’s expression that the demonstration, which has stopped in the real world, has turned into a heartsong. As she sings, she makes her way into and around the conference room, spinning chairs and overdramatically throwing herself against walls, as if magnetically drawn to the subject of the song but trying to pull herself away. It’ll show how conflicted she is, but it’ll also be freakin’ hilarious.

“Unusual Way” from Nine: After the aforementioned much-needed conversation in the episode which “Toxic” appears in, Leiftoria (is that an unintentionally awesome ship name or what) is official. I’m not sure how long her story on the show would last, but this song marks the end of it; she books a role at a fantastic dinner theater in the Los Angeles area. In the scene of her last heartsong, Tori, Zoey, and Leif are sitting in an airport lobby. The ticket machines are down, and dozens of impatient passengers are waiting with them, listening to the drone of announcements and tinny pop music played over the loudspeakers that slowly morph into a melancholy arpeggio. If anyone reading this hasn’t listened to this piece, I highly recommend it, by the way-it’s utterly haunting and you’re definitely gonna cry. The cut starts at the second verse and skips the solo third verse to go right into the duet. There’s nothing extravagant about it; as in the musical itself, this song is carried by the sweeping, raw emotion behind it.

references or something-what do I call this one

spotify playlist: a living document (chronologically) of potential heartsongs, songs that fit her situations, and songs that just have her Vibes.

pinterest board: an ever-growing, ever-changing representation of her character. I’ve pinned everything twice so that there can be sections without disturbing the full aesthetic; each section is named after a lyric from a musical that represents that aspect of her character.

tiktoks: there are a few I’ve made about her, some actually in one or both of the universes I’ve written about (see below) and some just for The Vibes or other potential story ideas. @can.you.hear.it.echoing

jumpstarted: the first fic for anything that I’d written in years; it started out in my mind as three scenes and came out to 29 pages. This is an au in which she works at the karaoke bar; she couldn’t actually be on the show this way, but I just think it would be neat-it would only be canon compliant through the middle of s1e11 (there are a few time shifts), so here we are. (seriously though please read this one I’m very proud of it.) This story does share aspects with what she’d actually be able to become as a character, and these are further explored in my second fic.

singin’ from a streetlight: a collection of oneshots that goes through most of the potential heartsongs listed above, from Zoey’s pov. chapter 7 is an interlude, back in Tori’s pov, because Zoey doesn’t see her and Leif’s much-needed conversation on the evening of “Toxic”.

but i’ve never been quite alright: I thought of “Human” as a potential song for her after the entirety of “singin’ from a streetlight” had been published, so this is a seperate fic to explain that scene; it fits in both of the above universes.

scaffolding and christmas lights: cheesy fluffy office party holiday fic because why not. It’s fun to consider how other glitches in the power might manifest; in this one, anyone that Zoey makes eye contact with sings their heartsong to the world. this doesn’t really go with the timeline of either universe, but it’s an interesting idea that might be worked into either

with a little motivation, i’ll go far: she experiences her first heartsong, “California” by Ricky Montgomery, at the airport as she comes into San Francisco. I just this song fits her well at the beginning of her story-this was a really fun one.

it’s the terror of knowing what this world is about: taking the little bit of David’s canon backstory and RUNNING with it. he and Tori would have bonded so much over musical theatre when they were younger, and she must have felt so betrayed when he tried to abandon that part of himself; this fic explores that

‘cause i see every part of you, and i can tell you see me too: Leif shows Tori his sketchbook and Feelings Ensue. (I want to see more of him as an artist, it’s such a fascinating aspect of his character, please Austin please)

don't look too deep: I watched mamma mia 2 and this is the result. #laurengrahamfortanya2k21

have you been too much on your own: this came out of thinking about les mis too much for the thousandth time; it’s an au of chapter 2 of “singin’ from a streetlight” just because I thought it would be kind of hilarious

suddenly we all got young: the brolympics strike again. this came out a bit angstier than expected but it was so much fun to write; I’m really loving what I get to do with her in s2

just keep losing my beat: written during the midseason hiatus; finally found a way to fit her properly into s2 canon. quite proud of this one

perfection is so quick to bore: I fell so in love with the song “I Hear a Symphony” that I had to write something around it, so here this is. it’s very projection-y and rather cheesy but I tried to capture the emotion

screenplays: there are a few that I’m working on and this post will be updated as I finish and revise them

if you’ve read this far, thank you. I just wanted to get her out in the world before season 2 started so I could be as canon compliant as possible (and it happens to be Dec 21, both my birthday and the day that Planets Are Being Cool on the solstice so it’s a great day for manifesting). I would give anything to be part of this show in literally any capacity; from the beginning I loved the concept and by now, as cheesy as it sounds, it feels as if it’s almost knit to my soul. the entire cast, crew, and creative team are such wonderful people (at least from my limited view, but they seem to be very genuine) that I’d love to work with, and this idea has been a sort of a coping mechanism through everything going on in the world and in my life. This post will probably be updated as I come up with more content and the show develops during s2 and beyond. even if nothing comes of this, I love my Tori dearly, and I hope anyone reading this enjoyed learning about her as much as I’m enjoying creating her story.

[gayregis]

which characters are trans this is a scientific inquiry

all of them except vilgefortz and leo bonhart

ok ok jokes, ill go more in depth... some of this is taken from things ive written before but not posted. also for anyone reading this im non bee nary so know that im not trying to describe the experiences of different identities in first-person, i’m basing this off of both my own and my friends’ experiences... none of this is “OMG YES CHARACTER ANGST >:))” but rather depicting personal struggles in fictional characters, so just know that  the more difficult subjects that may be covered are not there just to see the character in pain, but rather to think about their eventual resilience against it and development afterwards

for geralt and yennefer i have more specific reasons why i think being transgender actually fits with their canonical characters & related story arcs, and then for the rest i have headcanons and maybe some reasoning but not a lot.

geralt: geralt already represents how a struggle with toxic masculinity and expectations of masculinity can influence one who wants to be seen as masculine to deny and bury their emotions. him being trans develops upon the aspect of his struggle with emotions, ive seen my friends who are transmasculine / myself when i used to ID as transmasculine struggle with showing emotions bc of feeling like you’re going to be misgendered if you shed a single tear. in canon, we already learn that kaer morhen has a bit of a macho culture (just fyi eskel and lambert and coen are trans too now, don’t go getting any idea that those guys are cis) and i believe that the “witchers have no emotions” thing is like 5% actual biology and 95% being raised to fight and not to feel. vesemir is a good father but he just wasn’t very emotionally nurturing, it’s the caste’s way of raising kids that geralt breaks out of.

i think geralt’s self-image also speaks a lot to the feelings of harsh internal transphobia. he constantly others himself from others and feels like people view him as different, which is metaphorical for any marginalized group under the sun, but also is very common for lgbt ppl. again this is smth ive really struggled with within the past few years so im just projecting/know what it feels like and feel that how geralt sees himself in canon is similar to a view suffering from internalized transphobia.

geralt's character already redefines manhood because he has to learn what it means to be a good father. and i think him being trans would be representative of his constant learning and growth as a person, yet also somewhat involved with his self loathing and feeling like just Him Existing is an affront ... but of course he unlearns this with time and love from others and all of his character development

yennefer: yennefer’s whole backstory revolves around defining who she is and defying the people who mistreated her and told her she was nothing. canonically yennefer of vengerberg is the story of the successful self-made woman... her life as janka she would rather forget, no one calls her by that name, and no one ever would because its not who she is nor who i think she ever was. 

shes incredibly strong-willed and knows what she wanted from life but some things are terrifying to reach out for, like love and acceptance. yennefer has a conflict with love and being loved because that was never a safe topic for her ... (also sapkowski handled this specifically poorly imo, but:) yennefer canonically struggles with being loved for who she is. i think she deals so much with her previous abuse and again, expectations from parents, and coming to terms with the fact that she survived it all. also this isnt even touching upon her arc regarding motherhood. wanting to give a child your everything and everything that you never had... the love and kindness that no one gave you...

ciri: ciri hesitated to ever identify with “girl” or “boy,” she’s also i think the representation of childhood in general, she’s naturally curious about gender presentation as she ages and just never really cares to commit to gender. i think she’d say she was a girl but only reluctantly bc she just doesn’t care much.

dandelion: [from his TV Tropes page:]

he’s an artist and a musician, he’s not gonna be cishet...

ok in a more serious context i think he’s a nonbinary guy, i think him being trans might explain why he has way more friendships than relationships with family members. dandelion, like yennefer, is also someone that had to define who he was for himself, i mean for one his stage persona of dandelion is entirely an artist’s creation/hyperbole of himself, i think he also had to think abt his inner identity too

his gender is also just “your friend that comes to your house and eats all ur chips and drinks all ur beer and passes out on top of you on the couch”

milva: ok unfortunately i currently think milva is the token non-trans friend (she’s nonbinary just doesnt think of herself as trans) but it’s only because her major arc in baptism of fire revolves around her pregnancy and miscarriage and just bc she is not trans doesn’t mean she doesn’t go through her own difficult struggling process surrounding her womanhood. she struggles enormously throughout the series and in her backstory with defining herself between two rigid identities: the feminine maria and the cutthroat milva. in her talk with geralt, she reveals how she feels trapped between these two identities and feels like they cannot coexist. i feel like she’s a nonbinary/gender non-conforming butch* lesbian whose struggles with sexuality intersect her struggles with gender and what it means to her to be a gnc woman. also you have to consider that milva was raised in a small village in lower sodden so she understood gender in the very strict roles ascribed to men and women, so she felt like she couldn’t be a woman unless she was this very traditional idea of what a woman is “supposed to be like,” which she’s both been trying to shape herself to be and also running away from simultaneously. she learns to accept herself within the hansa bc they love and support her for who she is, and she doesn’t need to be strictly feminine or masculine to be understood by them

* i know the terms nonbinary and gnc and butch didn’t exist in the 1260s tyvm, i’m just saying this as how i interpret her in a modern context

regis: gender is a human sociological construct so basically don’t ask him unless you’re prepared to listen for 20 minutes. vampires can exist noncorporeally so they can exist without gender, also i hc the telepathic vampiric language is nongendered as it’s a transmission of pure thought, will, and force, so it doesn’t even use any grammar. i also hc that vampires just appear the way they feel in terms of appearance and age (e.g., regis at around 300 when he died still looked 25 bc he was as stupid as a 25 year old, now he’s calmer and understands more, so he looks middle-aged). when chilling out with humans regis will be referred to as a man bc that’s just how he appears but it’s an identity he had to learn about and adopt, not something he was assigned. most vampires look androgynous anyways bc they just feel androgynous, how are you gonna feel a gender when you don’t know what a gender is... if you HAD to understand him with human labels / put it in a modern context (like if i was making an modern real life AU) i’d say he’s a nonbinary trans man. 

cahir: much like geralt i think cahir’s story is one of living up to expectations, but cahir’s actually takes it a step further because his major motivation in his backstory is trying to prove to his mother that he can be a good son that will make her proud and gain honor for the family... he seeks validation from external sources but faces ruin when he learns that war is not the way to prove one’s prowess and skill

angouleme: shes trans and i simply say so bc shes very cool and funny and i dont think a cis person could be this cool and funny. also i think the story of a runaway teen who was abandoned by her biological family and found solace in a new family is both very good and featured in a lot of trans ppl’s narratives. she kind of exudes this “im finally at a point in my life where i’m safe and cared for, i can start HRT now, let’s gooOOoooOOooo” energy.