#We're talking about Etho

[theminecraftbee]

"So, and I can't believe I have to be the guy to point this out," Doc starts hesitantly.

"Terrible start! Go on," Cleo says.

"But you seem to be one of the only sane people left right now," Doc continues.

"Even more terrible, although I appreciate your delusion," Cleo says.

"And I have to--you know, if you're going to make fun of me for bringing you a problem maybe I just won't. I can solve it myself. I basically solved the moon thing myself," Doc says. "I am trying to be responsible before this turns into a whole thing."

"Doc, you came to me. Did you want anything that wasn't me making fun of you? Because you know, if so, I really feel bad for you. I already feel bad enough for you that you think you actually managed to do anything at all about the moon thing."

Doc throws his hands up. "I am trying to warn you the ocean is evil! It's important! This is important!"

"The deep sea being evil isn't new," Cleo starts, "I was building Atlantis last season--"

"It sent, sent, salmon people to kill me!"

Cleo stops. They look Doc in the eyes. They search for any signs of deception at all. It's a little hard to tell, on account of Doc only having one eye even capable of expressiveness, and his face being the opposite of human, but...

"What?" Cleo says dumbly.

"It was like, like, Beef and Skizz, they were crazy! They were talking about a giant fish and how I shouldn't defy it. And I was like, what is a Big Salmon? I don't know, man, but they're ocean mobsters. And then I started looking. It's not just them. It's not just them Cleo, it's everyone. The ocean, man, it's evil, it's getting everyone. I've, I've made a list. Grian. Have you looked at Grian lately?"

"I think if we were worried about every time Grian got possessed then we wouldn't have any free time," Cleo says hesitantly.

"Right, right, but it was supposed to be Demise. The killing each other, all of the killing each other. I thought, oh, that'll get it out of their systems. But it's not just him Cleo! It's--have you seen Gem? She's all, oh, I will build a boat. Oh, I'll provoke the creatures of the deep. And then. Do you know what I saw all of Team ZITS doing? Fishing!"

"Doc," Cleo says, increasingly concerned for him. He looks... disheveled.

"And not just fishing, oh no. They were standing in the water fishing! And Pearl! Have I mentioned that Pearl is dressing up as a salmon? I mentioned that, yes? The salmon Pearl?"

"You hadn't, unless that was the big fish thing," Cleo says.

"No, that was something different, I think Pearl is maybe a different salmon."

"Sure, okay, more than one salmon, that makes sense," Cleo says dryly.

"And everyone, they are fishing each other around the ocean, yes? Etho is in the ocean! XB is in the ocean! I think I saw Joe crawl out of the ocean earlier, he was all wet and haunted! Surely that is a sign the ocean is evil."

"No, he's just like that," Cleo says. "Also, I did the fishing rod thing too. I think it's just... normal fun."

"They're getting you too. My assessment that you're the sane one. I've said too much."

"I think you need sleep," Cleo says. "Doc, there isn't an ocean-based conspiracy. It's the start of the season. You know we're just like this."

"That's the thing, I can't sleep," Doc says. "I can't. I sleep and I see it. I see it, lurking beneath the waves. It's calling for me Cleo. It's calling. And when it calls, it seems so--kind. But then. But then! I wake up, and I remember the shape of it, and..."

Doc shudders and stops talking. Cleo looks at him a moment longer and then, like comforting a nervous animal, takes his shoulder.

"You should take a nap. It's the start of the season. You're over-stressing yourself. Too much too fast?" they say, as soothingly as possible.

"It's coming for us," Doc says. "It's coming. I don't want to ignore it this time, yes? What's coming for us. We should--we should--"

"Even if it is, Doc, I don't think we can fight the ocean. Come on. Maybe sleeping in my base will help reset your brain."

Doc shudders, but lets Cleo guide him inside. They watch until at last he falls asleep fitfully before shaking their head and sighing.

"A giant fish that was trying to kill him. Honestly. I don't know where he gets these things from. Always a conspiracy with him..."

They decide to go to Ren. Ren knows how to humor Doc. Surely they can get in their ridiculous games again, and Doc will forget all about this. Doc would enjoy the Ministry of Ministries. Maybe he can be an anarchist or something. That would be good for him.

Doc cries out in his sleep. Cleo turns to him.

Then again, they have this strange sinking feeling in their stomach. Doc's... awfully worked up.

But it's Doc.

Surely it's nothing.

[thebadtimewolf]

you keep talking about rose with scorn, about future regenerations having outdone her completely & acting like they are somehow disgusted by the romance with her. but what are you basing your opinion on? in those books or comics that no one really cares about? which weren’t even written by showrunners?! moffat NEVER made twelve disrespect rose’s memory. that comic of him picking on ten was written by a bloke who doesn't even like rose, which indicates that the stories reflect more on the writers' opinions than the character. and while in the comics thirteen is somehow unbothered by rose’s presence, in the podcast narrated by jodie, she mentions rose in a fond, wistful voice. bc, guess what, the author is doctor/rose stan and said that she believes that the doctor loves rose in ALL incarnations and that jodie understood at the same moment what a mention of rose meant. ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯ matt and jodie also talked about working with billie piper, about bringing rose back. and do you really believe rtd will write his doctors making light of the romance with rose??? he clearly still has a lot of affection for the character and it's no wonder he decided to name donna's daughter after her (when it would have been easier to name her 'martha' seeing as donna properly met her). so… yeah keep talking shit about rose and even tenrose all you want, it won't change that rose was immensely loved by the doctor, by TEN. ten loved rose so intensely he gave himself to her. david said that rose defined his doctor, and i say she defined the entire rtd1 era. and you can accept that or stay mad idrc

"And you can accept that or stay mad, i dont really care"

no lemme be serious hold on.

"by TEN"

yo yall see this? just completely ignore mr. fuck the monarchy, queen killer, the lovely, the irreplaceable the impeccable ninth doctor himself christopher eccleston?? oh no i know why. its because nine flirted with black girl princess of the forest of cheem herself miss jabe? but you dont really care.

im sorryyy im trying real hard but you are fumbling your own argument.

what makes you think rtd2 era is gonna be rose centric? if it was rose centric - we wouldnt need ruby sunday. but because shes yt and has blonde hair - of course YOU would think that. i mean with 14 its gonna be rose templenoble centric but you dont care. it would be easy to name ANOTHER BLACK CHARACTER WITH THE ONLY OTHER BLACK COMPANION NAME THAT DONNA KNEW?? other than what?? LANCELOT?? MINNIE?? YOU KNOW IN REFERENCE FOR LANCE HER NOW DEAD EX OR MICKEY??? but you dont really care.

anon. i can't stop laughing. you wrote all of that just to out yourself as a racist doctor who fan. you had very key things to strengthen your argument and prove your case and you fumbled. but you dont really care.

"jodie understood what a rose mention meant" and she understood what a river mention meant as well and YET jack mentions rose but 13 mentions river. she dont mention any of her previous companions vocally. she actively avoids it. tegan even noticed that. now rtd has a lot of affection for the rose character because it revived the show he used to watch as a child. but you dont really care.

"loved her so intensely he gave herself to her" - yeah he gave his human alias to her now 12 has to go by doctor funkenstein and doctor disco and doctor caretaker and 13 got to go by jane smith in honor of sarah jane smith big oof - like damn that sucks. but you dont really care.

But also, the 12 whole entire era was built off of donna. like that was clear. cut. dry. print. but you dont really care.

"jodie believes that the doctor loves rose in ALL incarnations in a podcast she narrates" and yet, we see from big finish productions that the doctor loves river in all his incarnations too. but you dont really care.

yo that "comic picking on ten was written by someone that dont even like rose" anon now you know thats the ONLY ONES WE GOT CORRECT BILLIE PIPER EYE COLOR ON INSTEAD OF BLUE AND GREEN INSTEAD OF HER LOVELY BROWN EYES AND ROSE WASNT EVEN IN IT. IT WAS WITH TWO COMPANIONS OF COLOR. THE ONLY BILLIE WE GOT WAS THE MOMENT. AND THATS IT! AND THEN WE GOT THE NOVELLIZATION BY STEPHEN MOFFAT THAT EXPANDS THE MOMENT AS HER OWN CHARACTER AND NOT ANOTHER ROSE. LIKE HUH??? but you dont really care.

"which weren't even written by showrunners" girl neither was human nature/family of blood the doctor's wife, vincent and the doctor, and the lodger THE LODGER IS A MICKEY X TEN COMIC BEFORE IT BECAME AN EPISODE WHA--PFFT. but you dont really care.

anyway seems to me you dont really care about ten or rose or tenrose, you just using that as an excuse to be antiblack and silence anyone that dare point that out. just like series 3 does to martha. hm. interesting.

[whereonhermitcraftisjoel]

joel and iskall go through a breakupo (???) and iskall begins his yandere ex gf arc around 4 hours and thirty something minutes in.

This week on hermitcraft: the anime: the harem isekai protaganist joel is being lusted after by at least five different people

I really can’t overstate how weird this is, and how thirty four minutes long it is. I wanted to cut it down but there's never thirty seconds w/out Joel (or Jimmy) talk. I guess I’ll put some clips on youtube? I haven’t even finished all my weird flirty mcc clips (including iskall/jimmy)

Real quotes:

Joel: "Secret relationship???" Iskall: "Do you not love me?" Joel: "Not like that, we're just friends." Iskall: "I just got friendzoned?" Joel: "Deal with it."

Iskall's Crazy Ex Arc Twitch link , 04:26:00

(he also does youtube vods so hopefully it will wind up there)

Timestamps:

04:25:47 - Joel logs on and heads to Iskall Iskall claims it’s all cool ha ha it’s a prank he’s fine 04:31:15 - Joel is gone, threatens restraining order over chat 04:34:55 - Iskall declares his Jimmy arc 04:37 - Iskall is trying to frame Etho 04:39 - Iskall starts writing crazed letters and sending them 04:44 - Joel is back 04:47 - Etho reference 04:54 - Joel leaves for good 04:55 - Iskall brainstorms ways to be very weird about Joel 04:58 - Iskall worried people won’t get the joke is he gets too weird about Joel

(some of the screenshots or my summary may have gotten a bit out of order)

Summary: Joel is back from Japan and has seen all the mail from Iskall. He logs on, Iskall starts flirting. Iskall tells his chat that ha ha it's all funny Joel doesn't realize it's all funny.

Iskall explains why he thought he and Joel were in a "secret relationship" because of a prank and note Joel left him. Joel says it was not him. (His chat says it was False.) Joel seems utterly baffled and friendzones him. Iskall is also baffled.

Iskall: "Do you not love me?" Joel: "Not like that, we're just friends."

Iskall: "I just got friendzoned?"

Iskall gets weird in chat, with Gem shouting and begging to get banned, Iskall sends Joel... crazy ex letters, I guess? I'm not screenshoting those, too many images, probably in his next ep.

Iskall declares he's moving on to his Jimmy arc, with his beautiful hair and eyes.

(Note: Iskall and Jimmy spent a bunch of time together for the Hermit Charity Stream. Maybe Iskall saw him with others and said, "Oh I can get much more homoerotic with hermits, huh." I'm new to Iskall but my friends say his obsession was never quite so... romantic framed.)

The previous day, on MCC, Iskall's first in three years:

Iskall somehow thinks he can pin anything here on Etho.

Iskall then tries to hire Joel to do armor stands and to sell him an apartment. Throughout all this, Etho is brought up several times.

I recommend keeping Iskall's chat up, it's not overwhelming and pretty fun. I've got some more chat quotes below the cut

[dailyadventureprompts]

Monsters Reimagined: Yeenoghu, Demon Lord of Insatiable Hunger

It's been some years since I did my overhaul on the lore of the gnolls and how they embody the weird de/humanization that goes on with various monsters over d&d's history. Ever since I've had more than a few folks write in asking about how I would handle the default Gnoll God Yeenoghu, who exists in a similar state of "Kill everything that ever existed" to Orcus and a good portion of the game's other late game threats, thematically flat and not really useful for building stories around.

For a while I've avoided doing this post because I thought it might skew a little too close to my personal philosophy, and risk going from simply being influenced by my views to an outright soapbox. I personally hold that despite being part of our nature hunger is the source of the majority of human cruelty, and if society and cooperation are the tools we developed to best fight against the threat of famine, it is fear of that famine that allows the powerful to control society and secure their positions of privilege.

I've also dealt with disordered eating in a prior period of my life, alternating between neglecting my body's needs and punishing myself for needing in the first place. I'm well acquainted with hunger and the hollowing effect it can have, though I'd never claim to know it so well as someone who went hungry by anything other than choice and self hatred.

Learning to love food again saved saved my life. The joy of eating, of feeling whole and nourished, yes, but there was also the joy of making: of experimenting, improving, providing, being connected to a great tradition of cultivation which has guided our entire species.

If I was going to talk about an evil god of hunger, I was going to have to touch on all of that, and now that it's out in the open I can continue with a more thematic and narrative discussion on the beast of butchery below the cut.

What's wrong: Going by the default lore, there's not much that really separates Yeenoghu from any other chaotic evil mega-boss. He wants to kill everything in vicious ways, and encourages his followers to do the same. He's there so that the evil clerics can have someone to pray to because the objectively good gods are on the party's side and wouldn't help a bunch of cannibalistic slavers.

This is boring, we've done this song and dance before, and the only reason that there are so many demon lords/evil gods/archdevils like this is because the bioessentialism baked into the older editions of the game's lore was also a theological essentialism, and that every group had to have their own gods which perfectly embodied their ethos and there was no crossover whatsoever, themes be damned.

Normally I'd do a whole section about "what can be salvaged" from an old concept, but we're scraping the bottom of the barrel right from the inset. Likewise my trick of combining multiple bits of underwritten d&d mythology to make a sturdier concept isn't going to work as most of d&d's other gods of hunger or famine are similar levels of paper thin.

How do we fix it: I want Yeenoghu to be the opposite of the path I found myself on, a hunger so great and so painful that it percludes happiness, cooperation, or even rational thought. Hunger not as a sumptuous hedonistic gluttony but a hollowing emptiness that compels violence and desperation. More than just psychopathic slaughter and gore, it is becalmed sailors drinking seawater to quench their thirst, the urban poor mixing sawdust and plaster into their food because their wages are not enough to afford grain.

This is where we get the idea of Yeenoghu as an enemy of society, not because violence is antithical to society ( I think we've learned by now how structured violence can really be) but because society fundamentally breaks down when it can't take care of the people who provide its foundations. Contrast the Beast of Butchery with one of my other favourite villainous famine spirits: Caracalla the grim trader, who embodies scarcity as a form of profit and control in to Yeenoghu's scarcity as suffering.

Into this we can also add the idea of the hungry dead, ghouls yes but also vampires, anything cursed with an eternal existence and appetites it no longer has the ability to sate. A large number of cultures across the world share the idea that the dead cannot rest while they are starving, which is why we leave offerings of food by their graves or pour out a glass to the ones we lost along the way.

On that topic, there's also a scrap of lore involving Doresain god of ghouls, who has been depicted as an on and off servant of Yeenoghu. Since I'm already remaking the mythology, I'd have Doresain act as a sort of saint or herald for the demon lord, the wicked but still partially reasonable entity who can villain monolog before the feral and all consuming demon god shows up.

Summing it all up: Yeenoghu isn't a demon you wittingly worship, it's a demon that claims you, marks you as its mouthpiece and through you seeks to consume more of the world. It gives you just enough strength to keep on living, keep on suffering, keep on filling that hole in your belly and feed it in turn.

The greatest of these mouthpieces is Doresain, an elf of ancient times who's unearthly hungers elevated him to demigod status. Known as the knawbone king, he dwells within a dread domain of the shadowfell, and is sought out only for his ability to intercede with the maw-fiend's rampages.

Signs: Unnaturally persistent hunger pangs, excessive drool and gurgling stomach noises, the growth of extra teeth in the mouth, stomachs splitting open into mouths.

Symbols: An animal with three jaws, a three tailed flail or spiked whip. A crown of knawed bones (Doresain)

Titles: Beast of butchery, the maw fiend, the knawing god

Artist

[salemoleander]

"My teeth hurt," Martyn says.

He and Scott are on the deck, enjoying the morning sun before it has the chance to get humid; Scott is busy crafting sugarcane into paper while Martyn is (ostensibly) trying to carve a bowl.

"What, like- cavities? We've only been here for a few days, and I know you're eating the same fish and dried kelp as me." Scott pauses, holding a fresh sheaf of paper. "-and if you're not, and you've been holding sweets out on me, I'll be pissed."

Martyn huffs a laugh, then grimaces when pain shoots up through his sinuses. Ambling over to the table, he half-sits, half-leans on the back of one of their deck chairs.

"Nah, same food as you. Man, I don't know what I did. TNT to the face carry over, d'you reckon?"

He grins, and Scott blanches. Well, shit.

"Alright, what's wrong with my mouth?" Martyn asks, stress rising when Scott doesn't answer. "I've still got teeth, right?"

Scott nods sharply. He wavers on an answer for a moment before sighing. "Yeah. You've just got some new ones, seems like."

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------

The hard part of suddenly having shark teeth, Martyn quickly discovers, is that they are not particularly designed for beings with lips, and certainly not ones that talk.

He tells Scott this, nursing several sore spots on his lips and tongue.

"Have you considered talking less?"

"Oh, screw you."

Scott rolls his eyes, and they go back to sorting through chests in companionable silence. Waves gently lap against the edge of their island, while bamboo canes creak and shift. After a few minutes Scott says, "In the- last time. I remember being relieved, a bit, that even though Cleo and I chose each other-"

"Exactly the conversation I wanted to have," Martyn deadpans.

"Would you shut up? Honestly." Scott smiles, but his jaw flexes as he does and Martyn resolves to shut up and let him say this, whatever it is. At least for the next ten or fifteen seconds. Probably.

"Anyways. I was a tiny bit relieved that I was paired with Pearl, because she was human. And I'd seen how it was for BigB getting canine features and Joel getting whatever the hell from Etho, and you, y'know..."

"Rotting?"

"Eugh. Yeah." Scott looks through their fence-lattice walls and out to the water. "But Pearl didn't stay human."

Martyn raises an eyebrow. (For effect. If Scott is doing a dramatic monologue towards the ocean, Martyn at least gets to make faces, whether or not Scott sees him. Them's the rules.)

"She got kind of... wolf-y? Or more accurately, the game made her wolfy. Not like Ren, not nearly that elegant a combination."

Scott's voice is bitter, an edge to it that Martyn associates with fireworks going off too-close by. "I woke up one morning and my teeth were sharp and there were too many for my mouth. And it hurt, and the worst part was knowing this wouldn't be happening if we'd just done what the game wanted."

Blinking, Martyn says, "Oh." Brilliant. Nailed the response, there.

"I just wanted to tell you. That it might- those might be my fault, because it seems like whatever runs this game doesn't like me very much. There's a reason I set up alone out here."

Martyn- ignoring the ache from his jaw and the kernel of self-interest that tells him to get while the getting is good- scoffs. "None of that, thank you! I don't care if bloody Herobrine has it out for you, we're sticking together."

Relief washes over Scott's face. Martyn adds, "If whoever runs this circus thinks unlimited knives for teeth is a punishment, they're mad."

"Clearly! You were already enough of a menace." Released from whatever tension kept him still, Scott reaches over to flip another chest lid up and starts rifling through. "It's like trying to annoy Joel by giving him too many TNT minecarts."

Martyn snorts. "Right! Once my mouth gets the memo about where everything is now I'll be doing fine- probably better than I was before! A supernatural entity trying to tell me who I can be friends with? C'mon, nothing that stupid is busting the Mean Gills up."

He almost believes it.

[beemo-clippin]

Etho talking about his cats over the years

Clipped from "Etho Plays Minecraft - Episode 276: You've Been Etho'd" (26:59-28:26) and "Etho Plays Minecraft - Episode 587: Trial Chambers" (4:38-5:47)

Transcript and video description below cut:

Video description:

Etho's POV in the base of his Let's Play world. The date appears in the bottom corner reading, "2013." Etho holds a book in his hand, the question of the day. While introducing his cats, he stands in a smelting room. As he talks about his one cat Snuckles, he walks across a river and stands near it. After saying how smart she was, he roams his base more, across the river, two bridges, and up a flight of stairs.

Sliding transition to Etho's POV at a swamp in his Let's Play world. The date appears in the bottom corner reading, "2024." Etho watches a black cat floating in the lake before him. After a couple seconds, Etho takes a rocket and flies across the lake, then deeper into the swamp, and the cat teleports next to him as he goes. He wanders the swamp and keeps the cat in his sight as he talks about Shadow and her kittens.

Transcription:

Etho (2013): I had a lot of cats growing up like, uh, outdoor cats. And they were... they were pretty cool, I liked them. They kept to themselves.

------

Etho (2013): There was this one... one cat I had, Snuckles. Um. She- Like she was a- she had kittens and stuff. She was a mother. And she was crazy, she would like go in the water, like choose to go in the water herself. Like- and, like, hunt ducks *chuckle* in the water. Catch them and then like bring them back for her- for her kittens, like just crazy cat.

Uh, always looked both ways before crossing the road. Just really, really smart and brave and very friendly to people, you know. She would, like, if she ever had kittens, you could go see them and she would just love to show- show you her kittens. It was pretty cool *laughs* Uh, so that was probably my favorite cat growing up.

------

Etho (2024): When I was a little kid, I had a black cat like this named Shadow. Green eyes but it had a bright pink nose and, like, the black coat. Super, super shiny silky smooth black coat on. It was a very nice cat. Super friendly! But it wasn't a needy cat, like it would stay, you know, within four feet of you. But it didn't need to be like at your feet kind of thing. Um, it just liked to be around you kinda. Um.

But it did this interesting thing like it was about to have kittens. And rather than, like, having the kittens at our home, she just vanished on us, and we're like, "oh... oh no" Did she get hit by a car? Did a coyote get her? You know, we assumed the worst.

But then a month later, she comes back to her home like nothing ever happened with her kittens, she had like five kittens. And she was all friendly again and she wanted us to check them out, show them- show us her new kittens. And she was all excited for us to to interact with them, you know. And then we go to pet them and they're like, "RAWR!" *laughs* They're feisty! They had claws already. They did not want to be petted.

[mcytblrconfessions]

I think as a confessions blog, the anons should be actually confessing smth. But like. Things that absolutely reinforce the outsider idea that we're all fucking weirdos. Shit you can't believe is true if you want to preserve ur sanity.

I want confessions that people think abt their fave mcyt while taking a shit, habitually. Or ones abt practicing kissing using a printed pic of their fave's yt icon. Ones abt people hooking up w/ someone just bc they look like Cubfan or some shit.

Stop talking abt Etho's vagina or whatever and start relieving urselves of ur Minecraft catholic guilt. This is a confession blog!!! Confess things!!!

i do wanna hear about etho's vagina actually

[modernsuperhero]

Tbh as much as i love seablings i like the idea that lizzie's death has nothing to do with jimmy's curse more. Lizzie's death was her own. If we want to talk about jimmy's curse, instead of lizzie's tragedy, then let's talk about how it was broken on accident.

Consider this: every game has been the same except this one. Certain "curses" are attached to certain people - Jimmy the canary, Skizz the boogey, etc. But not this time - or, well.

Last game was the first time, according to martyn's canon, that two players were so damaged from the watchers' overfeeding on their significant traumas (pearl witnessing scott's suicide, cleo's own traumatic death) that the listeners were able to intervene and temporarily swap their souls out with, ofc, lizzie and gem, to give them reprieve to recover.

I like the perspective that instead of there being one death loop that restarts over and over, there are multiple happening all the time. They overlap. The watchers are of course constantly feeding - and perhaps this is why the members of each loop vary slightly over time. Adding ingredients, removing others, as time wears on. Lizzie was not actively in a loop during limited life - but that does not mean she hasn't been in death games in the meantime. Perhaps even gem has, too, though i believe possessing cleo was her first time.

Also last season, grian was yanked out of his body by the watchers, attempting to remove him from stunting the growth of their anguish farm (making it a game instead of a saw trap, as @stalarys so aptly put it). But he managed to keep his claws in the game, even going so far as to break beyond the literal borders of the game - "we're already dead," as he said, leading the nosy neighbors beyond the veil - because grian is nothing in any universe if not stubborn in the face of authority.

We know from last season that the games are already unstable. The listeners' influence is growing, and grian is proving to be more and more of a problem. (He definitely doesn't know about the listeners' existence, but he's likely unaware of how he may be helping them, and they him.)

Jimmy is not dead first. But he dies so soon after - the second body to fall.

The game, the watchers, the farm - it course corrects when things go wrong.

Grian, who has broken the rules this season not once but thrice - allowing an exception for scar to reroll, even allowing breaking of his own rule on helmets (for both scar and mumbo), and falsely rolling a success last session, is given a chaotic impossible task. (Grian tends to doom his allies - curse or simply bad choices, he is teamed with etho, and their rerolls are entwined. They seem personal, don't they? Etho ran from grian's wither once before. Grian died leading out a warden.) He succeeds, on one heart despite everything, only to be slain on top of the button itself.

He's stuck in spectator. Isn't that perfect? The game, HIS game, GLITCHED. His grip on his in-game body, the part of him he wedged into the mechanics of this death loop, slipped. He regained it, sure, but now he is forced to course correct: he comes back green when he should be yellow.

And grian has just seen the price of breaking too many rules. Jimmy's funeral was too soon. He switches back to yellow, rerolls for his deserved prizes at the cost of his own chances of victory.

(Because victory, while still a goal, is not the point. The point is to break the game.)

(Last season, tango watched one of his closest and most common allies sacrifice himself for his team. This season, he allies with him again. It's ironic that they're giving away their hearts to others - similar to giving away their time. Maybe skizz's death impacted tango too harshly. Maybe his pain fed a bit too much.)

(This is the first season since skizz, an angel, died so full of divine bloodlust that it manifested as the boogey curse, that he has been here and his curse has not. Two curses now, tentatively broken.)

(Martyn feeds the watchers more when he is an unguided hand, wandering and hurting, so ren has not been in this particular loop for a while now. He is available to replace tango, just for a bit, just like how gem and lizzie replaced cleo and pearl.)

Last season, the games finally started to break.

This season, we get to see the cracks.

(The watchers are more obvious this season. The keeper's symbol, grian's lack of achievement entering the end... They're grappling for control as it is slowly but surely dragged away from them.)

[c-oswinwrites-x]

Hermitcraft/life series zombie apocalypse au based on this post by @saphushia (reblogs irrelevant I just wasn't bothered to find the original post)

This is Doc's journal. He's keeping track of everything he knows about everyone. What they're good at, what they're not good at, can he help them with that? As to why his name is marked ??, it's been so long he doesn't remember. Some of them have their real names marked down because he already knew them before the apocalypse, some of them are because he heard them screamed when their loved ones thought they were dead. He won't talk about those. Not talking about his patients helps him cope with the ones that have died.

Ladders

Named Ladders because of his knowledge of every single ladder in the city.

Real name: Etho

Species: Arctic fox

Skills: Knows the city inside and out. Agility. High stamina. Night vision.

Hindrances: Blind in right eye. Issues with breathing.

Notes: Ladders is constantly wearing a gas mask, even though we've confirmed the virus is not airborne. He tends to run ladder to ladder, rather than any sane method of transport.

Stitches

Named Stitches for their skill in first aid, particularly stitches.

Real name: Cleo

Species: Human?

Skills: Physical strength. Good at first aid. Smooth talker.

Hindrances: Low stamina.

Notes: Stitches seems more tired lately. We think they might've been bitten...

Gemini

Named Gemini for her ability to get from one place to another as if she was already in both places.

Real name: Taylor

Species: Fox?

Skills: Close-range combat. High stamina. Night vision. Speed.

Hindrances: Long-range combat.

Notes: Gemini and Pearl are very close. Possibly siblings?

Impulse

Named Impulse for his extremely impulsive behaviour.

Real name: ??

Species: ??

Skills: Long-range combat. High stamina. Night vision.

Hindrances: Empathy. Impulsive. Insomnia.

Notes: Impulse appears human, but I've seen him when he thinks he's alone, and I... Don't know what he is, and I don't think I want to.

Skizz

Real name: ??

Species: ??

Skills: Smooth talker. Combat. Night vision.

Hindrances: Empathy. Low stamina.

Notes: See Impulse.

Beans

Real name: Joel

Species: Tanuki

Skills: Smooth talker. Combat. Night vision. High stamina.

Hindrances: Attachment to Shadow. Ego.

Notes: N/A

Pearl

Real name: ??

Species: Moth

Skills: Flight. Night vision.

Hindrances: Insomnia.

Notes: Pearl and Gemini are very close. Possibly siblings? Pearl has expressed disinterest in romance.

Grian

Real name: ??

Species: Avian?

Skills: Smooth talker. Combat. Night vision. Flight.

Hindrances: Struggle with sudden change. Attachment to Scar. Insomnia. Can be a control freak.

Notes: Grian appears to be a parrot hybrid, but he has also hinted at other hybrid features. And he definitely should not have such good night vision.

Bdubs

Real name: ??

Species: tbc

Skills: Knives. Speed. Camouflage. Finding/setting up bases.

Hindrances: Empathy. Long-range combat. Low stamina. Constant injuries.

Notes: Bdubs is some kind of moss creature. We just don't know what it's called. He is also a walking accident, with a concerning amount of scars and scrapes all over him. Not to mention the black eye that never seems to go away.

Scar

Named Scar for the slew of scars practically covering his body. He chose it himself.

Real name: Ryan

Species: Vex

Skills: Smooth talker. Combat. Night vision.

Hindrances: Empathy. Low stamina. Impulsive. Unpredictable. Mobility issues. Overworks himself.

Notes: Scar claims he's fine, but we've all seen him stumble over nothing and continue to run with a heavy limp. He leans against the walls a lot, and holds on when he thinks we're not looking.

Tango

Real name: ??

Species: Blazeborn

Skills: Smooth talker. Explosives. Computers.

Hindrances: Empathy. Insomnia. Water.

Notes: Tango can't get wet. Due to his species, even a single drop of water touching his skin puts him at risk of hypothermia.

Doc

Real name: ??

Species: Creeper, goat

Skills: Medical. Physical strength. Low empathy. Speaks German. (According to everyone else, that's a skill. I don't see why it's useful. Zombies don't speak German.)

Hindrances: Low empathy. Insomnia. Survivor's guilt. Aggressive. Impulsive.

Notes: I'm the person everyone comes to for medical stuff. Sure, Gem and Stitches can do it in an emergency, but they can't do big things. Doc misses Ren more than he likes to admit. He won't say it himself, but he pretends he's still alive sometimes. He talks to him.

Shadow

Named Shadow for her ability to hide. It's almost like she becomes a shadow.

Real name: Lizzie

Species: Human?

Skills: Smooth talker. Combat. Aggressive. Confidence. Camouflage.

Hindrances: Empathy. Aggressive. Impulsive. Insomnia.

Notes: N/A

Solidarity

Real name: Jimmy

Species: Avian

Skills: Physical strength. High stamina. Flight.

Hindrances: Combat. Unpredictable.

Notes: N/A

Major

Real name: Scott

Species: Human?

Skills: Smooth talker. Combat. Physical strength. High stamina.

Hindrances: Empathy. Insomnia.

Notes: N/A

Author's notes: I'm not saying empathy is inherently bad, just that those people have trouble killing things because of it. And Doc having low empathy both as a positive and a negative is for that same reason. He has no trouble killing, but he has trouble reassuring his patients.

Pearl is aromantic. She just doesn't have a word for it. That's what the 'Pearl has expressed disinterest in romance' comment is referencing.

Anything on Doc's profile in blue is because he refused to write it himself and someone else put it in. Likely Cl- Stitches.

Anyone without a reason for their name is just that. They don't really have one, or at least, not one anyone remembers.

[actualarcanist]

X's Anecdote - The Will of Gears

I consider X's anecdote to be the best one so far and some of the best writing in the game, because it touches upon so many themes and motifs that I like from the main stories. Sending child soldiers to evacuate a pharmaceutical tycoon and protect him from protestors, just so he can cash in on his patents while leaving everyone else to the Storm? While Manus definitely has a preference for aristocratic white arcanists, the Foundation once again showed us that they have tolerance for both humans and arcanists of any race or gender...they just have more tolerance for those with more power and more cash.

X's comparison of social institutions to mechanical system captures an important ethos from the main story: that a society or institution can be corrupt even if individuals within it aren't. Greta or Miss Z may be genuinely good people, but that doesn't stop the Foundation from being corrupt because "when you consider the mechanistic nature of reality, we're all cogs of one kind or another." It doesn't matter if each and every cog in a murder machine is a genuinely good person, so long as they follow the laws of the system and fulfill their function, the machine is still going to do the terrible things it's designed to do.

"When the marble is set, it doesn't really matter who triggers the spring. Its flight and its target will always be the same." When an era is rife with inequality and strife, it doesn't matter if it's Manus or someone else who lights the fuse, it doesn't matter which powder keg they choose to light, it'll all go down in flame eventually. While X is framing this point in terms of his Rube Goldberg machine, what he is really talking about is destiny: when the time is ripe for something to happen, it doesn't matter who makes it happen - if one person refuses that destiny, it simply gets passed down to someone else.

But that doesn't mean X is willing to lie down and be a quiet cog in a murder machine, for "even the smallest gears may have a will of their own". Even if no single person can fix all the ills of society, they can still do their best to rebel against it. Vertin does this all the time as the protagonist of course, but Dikke also did this in her anecdote by passing the most fair judgement she could within a church that's incredibly corrupt, and here X takes justice into his own hands to make sure that someone who profits off other people's suffering doesn't get away with it, even if he needed to use Sonneto to do it.

X may use he/him pronouns, but his gender is apparently "Spanner in the Works".

[theminecraftbee]

(No way to win and nothing to lose.)

It takes fifteen minutes--or, well, honestly more like ten--for them to decide how this is going to end, the two of them.

Maybe it's a bit fatalistic. Most people would take more than a few minutes to decide they're going to die, probably, but Cleo and Etho both, they're realists. So it takes them ten. Technically, it takes Cleo even fewer; it takes them a minute and a half to decide they're going to die in the end, if it means Etho will win, but. Etho won't win. Neither will Cleo. That's the thing they decide over ten minutes.

It takes fifteen for Tango to die, which is why Cleo thought maybe it took fifteen minutes to decide how it was going to end. Before then, hey, maybe he'd come to his senses and team up with them against the massive alliance that's going to kill them all. After, though...

After, Cleo takes Etho to burn down houses.

It's kind of stupid, right? But Etho, he hasn't done much burning of other people's shit before, and Cleo thinks, shit, they're going to die anyway. Making enemies isn't actually a problem. If Etho burns Scar's stupid little trading post down, what's the worst that's going to happen? Scar kills them? Please. All that'd be is stopping Gem or Pearl from doing it. So they burn it down, and Etho laughs, and tells Cleo that he gets why it's so fun, and they revel in the heat.

They run together to Etho's warden pit. Etho talks Cleo through how to do it. They've never wrangled a warden before, but hey--no time like the present, right? And as the great beast starts chasing them, they feel alive. They haven't laughed this hard in--do they know how long? How long?

How long have they been sitting here, counting hearts? Staying away from danger so they don't break them? But those don't matter now. They decided already: they are going to die. There's no other way this will end. So sure, they should be a little careful, but careful is the enemy of a good time, and that's even more important!

What's more important than losing hearts is using the ones you've got, right?

What's more important than broken hearts is that Etho knows how important he is to them, so they tell him.

Bdubs is hilariously angry about it, and Scott is resigned. Cleo beams. They go to find Grian, so that maybe they can steal a tower together after all, just like they were talking about at the beginning of the episode, and listen, Cleo knows better than climbing ladders, than getting too high up, they've learned that lesson, but--

None of this matters now. They already decided they were going to die. To tell the truth, they'd decided that weeks ago, standing in a little gravel building with Etho. They're going to die. They don't particularly want to, of course, but--well, there are things they want even less than dying, so it only makes sense.

It's practical, really. Just knowing there's no chance, and giving up on there being a chance early. It's... nice. No being chased through the woods, terrified. No hunt. No desperate heartbeat. Just the knowledge, deep in their bones, that they've had from the moment Etho looked at them and said: "We're in a bad place, and no one else seems to know."

They don't stop laughing until Etho's knocked off the tower by a stray arrow, and after that, it's a blur of blood, next to Grian until they can't be. Blood and pain and anger.

And in those final moments, silent, bloody, tired, as Scar puts his sword through their throat--

There was only ever one way this would end, they think.

They have no regrets.

[ween-kitchens]

i was told this is where I would start loving myself

1074 words

etho often wonders what's going on in joel's mind. a considerable amount of the time, it's because he’s just done or said something so completely bizarre that etho has to stop and recalibrate until it fits in his mind. his maniacal laughter as one of his traps goes off successfully used to make his blood run cold, but watching the way he continued to giggle about it for the next few days has, admittedly, endeared etho to it. it's just- okay, it sounds odd, but there's just something about the light in his eyes; etho would love to see what was going on behind them.

this could be better but I cannot make it better myself HKFHD this is mainly me dumping like. the vibes of a fic out i just wanted soft boat boys okay im a simple girl (gender neutral)

etho often wonders what's going on in joel's mind.

a considerable amount of the time, it's because he’s just done or said something so completely bizarre that etho has to stop and recalibrate until it fits in his mind. his maniacal laughter as one of his traps goes off successfully used to make his blood run cold, but watching the way he continued to giggle about it for the next few days has, admittedly, endeared etho to it. it's just- okay, it sounds odd, but there's just something about the light in his eyes; etho would love to see what was going on behind them.

but occasionally—and it is a very rare occasion; this is joel we're talking about here—etho is wondering because he has no idea what joel is thinking about. sometimes it's when etho says something offhand and joel takes offence until etho explains specifically what he meant. he hasn't yet figured out what the link is between everything joel was upset about—in all honesty, etho can’t remember it all. something about allies and red rage.

sometimes though, it's when joel isn't saying anything at all, when etho hasn't upset him, when joel just seems to be.. away. or- no, not exactly away. it's like.. he’s here, but there's also something else with him. like his grins and jokes are a veneer to something a little darker, a little harder to say.

etho knows it's not necessarily his fault—mainly because he's had enough awkward conversations that turned into learning something completely new about joel to know that it's usually something joel hasn't told him about yet that's weighing on his mind more than usual. interestingly enough, half of those things are good—like that time etho thought joel was mad at him only to realise that joel was too embarrassed to admit that he'd accidentally put etho's hoodie on one time and then didn’t want to take it off because it smelt like him. that was something that etho never stopped teasing him about- until joel found out that etho did the exact same thing.

in summary, etho is wondering once again, because joel is quiet. to be fair- it is the middle of the night, and quiet is kind of expected at this time, but the kind of quiet is weird.

for a little while now, the two of them have been less nervous when it comes to their affection (that isn't just making fun of each other), and so they usually sleep in each others arms—or at least close. joel, however, is currently facing the furnaces, curled in on himself and very clearly awake, and etho is a little worried. if joel is awake this late into the night, and is not being incredibly annoying about it, there is almost definitely something wrong. etho also knows that there's no way joel is going to be the one to mention it first.

"are you gonna tell me what's wrong, or am I just gonna be in permanent suspense." at etho's voice, joel startles, and etho suppresses a grin at it.

"I- there's nothing wrong." joel huffs, turning over to face etho—who raises a sceptical eyebrow. "there's nothing!"

"okay, there's nothing." etho says. "which is why you’re all the way over there, and now you’re doing that thing with your nose-"

"shut up." joel mutters, continuing to scrunch his nose up in obvious annoyance at how well etho knows him. sucker. "there is nothing wrong, okay, don’t go and psychoanalyse me."

"i'll psychoanalyse you if I want." etho says, a smile ghosting his lips. "besides, you’re easy to read."

joel snorts. "hypocrite. you rely too much on that mask, y’know."

"well, if you’re not gonna tell me, at least come over here." etho says, hoping his anxiety isn’t audible in his voice. judging by the look on joel's face, it absolutely is. "shut up."

"I didn’t say anything." joel smirks, but he shuffles towards etho, who pulls him the rest of the way. "you’re such a dork."

"yeah, you love me." etho says, half muffled through joel's hair.

there's an uncharacteristically long pause as joel buries his face in etho's shoulder. it's extremely odd for joel to be this quiet for this long, especially mid-conversation, but considering how cuddly he seems to be right now, etho has to assume it's not because he’s upset or anything, just.. thinking.

"that's.. I think that's kind of it?" joel says into etho's pyjamas.

"what, you love me?" etho says. honestly, he'd never really thought about that possibility- and immediately continues to not think about it as joel says,

"it- not romantically. but yeah." joel sounds like he’s hesitating, and etho pulls back a little to see his face. joel rolls his eyes. "it's- I sort of just realised. you are the first alliance i’ve had. like- ever. I didn’t- I never really expected how nice it'd be."

etho finds himself blinking back tears, which- okay, he considers that to be justified. "oh."

joel grins at him, and a considerable amount of anxiety seems to have dissipated from his eyes, replaced by a fondness that makes etho want to cry even more, the dick. "etho."

"shut up." etho wipes his eyes and pretends not to hear joel stifling laughter as he does so. "you- so you love me?"

joel's smugness vanishes, replaced by amusing embarrassment. "I- well. yeah." etho snorts and he huffs in exasperation. "you- okay, we don’t remember anything else, do we? so I don't remember- there's never been anyone else." his eyes widen a little as he seems to realise what he just admitted. "it- you’re the only person who.. I don’t know, cared."

etho pulls joel close again, and joel scoffs fondly as he hugs etho back. "I love you." etho mumbles into joel's hoodie, and joel's breath hitches. "what, you couldn’t tell?"

"well, I mean." joel says, a little muffled. etho smiles to himself. "I wasn't- I didn’t expect you to say it."

"i'm gonna say it all the time now." etho teases, and joel elbows him. it's not hard enough to hurt. "you do know I love you, don't you?"

"I know." joel says, and etho can practically hear his smile as he burrows further into the hug. "besides, you remind me all the time; if I didn’t know to begin with, I would after five minutes." etho scoffs fondly. "you’re a sap."

[thankskenpenders]

Sonic Superstars!

Superstars is out! And guess what? It's good! It's a worthy new entry in the series, and I mostly like it. Mostly. Except for the handful of parts I don't. As usual, allow me to share my thoughts.

(For the record, I got the PS5 version of Superstars. I can't speak for how it plays on older hardware like the Switch, or how the weird Steam version that seems to make you log in with Epic runs. But I encountered zero performance issues, personally.)

General thoughts

The thing is, aside from two notable flaws I'll discuss in greater detail below, I can sum up my feelings on most of Superstars quickly. You see, it's... a Sonic game. This will either be a blessing or a curse depending on who you ask. It's not a bold new take on the series that'll blow you away, but they also didn't fuck it up. There's no catch this time! There's something refreshing about that straightforwardness, given how rare it is to get a regular-ass New Sonic Game from Sega. It's just a new classic-style game where you can play as Amy, set on a new island with all new zones, and Fang is in it! This might be damning with faint praise, but that's what it says on the tin, and they did a good job overall.

(It also has co-op. That's nice. I didn't play it in co-op.)

It plays exactly how it should. At no point did anything feel Wrong. The graphics might not have the absolute highest fidelity, but I think the character models look really nice, and the levels look appropriately good with vibrant color palettes. A couple zones like Sky Temple gave me Klonoa vibes, which I like. One zone is an absolutely incredible homage that I won't spoil. The story here is minimal (as expected), but there are a few good moments of telling the story through the gameplay, particularly one very cute sequence with Trip. I did find a couple stage gimmicks moderately annoying (Speed Jungle 2 and Press Factory 2, looking at you), but like... I could say the same thing about Mania, and also damn near every other Sonic game ever made. There's always That One Level. Superstars may not raise the series to new heights, but it generally executes well on the standard beats of the series. It's an easy recommendation for all fans of 2D Sonic.

Really, aside from the two big flaws (we'll get to them), this game's greatest crimes are simply not being quite as good as Mania, and also coming out the same week as the more creative and polished Super Mario Bros. Wonder. If we hadn't gotten Mania, I would easily be calling this my favorite 2D Sonic game since... what, the Advance trilogy 20 years ago? I like the Rush games, but if you asked me to replay one or the other, I might have a better time with Superstars. And, yes, it beats the hell out of Sonic 4. It's not even close. Anyone who says this game is exactly like Sonic 4 is just being a hater.

...I guess I would say that $60 is a bit steep for this, but you know it'll be on sale for a more appropriate $30-$40 in a few months. This isn't a Nintendo game we're talking about here.

Nice little tweaks

Superstars also features a number of welcome quality-of-life updates over Mania, bringing it more in line with the design ethos of modern platformers.

You have infinite lives! No more getting a game over on the final boss and having to redo the whole final zone - or, god forbid, the entire game

Time overs are gone! It'll warn you before you go over ten minutes, but I have no idea why because it doesn't kill you anymore

The game features a hub from which you can easily replay previous levels, rather than needing to beat the game or put in a cheat code to unlock the level select

This means you can easily go back and hunt for any special stage rings you missed. However, as a tradeoff, it seems like you can only get one Emerald per zone now, rather than being able to get Super Sonic by the end of the first or second zone

You can swap characters between levels! No more having to start a whole 'nother save file to play as Tails

And those characters even have optional little movement tutorial rooms available from the hub, which is great for new players who may not know about things like the Drop Dash

And, finally, checkpoints now feature arrows pointing in the direction you were supposed to be going, in case you forget upon respawning

Of course, while you might not be getting game overs, Superstars certainly compensated with some bosses that kicked my ass.

Bosses

Here's what I would consider notable flaw #1.

I have mixed feelings on the bosses in Superstars. I don't think many of them are poorly designed - in fact, a lot of them are good, and offer fun moments of spectacle. But for a 2D Sonic game, they're REALLY long and drawn out, and by the late game this was starting to get draining.

Bosses tend to be the type where you have to dodge their attack patterns for a while until you get the chance to hit them exactly once, MAYBE twice. A few bosses seem to have quicker options if you abuse your post-hit invulnerability or play as a character with a double jump, but many will either be completely invincible or run away to the background for long periods of time, making it impossible to damage them outside of the allotted windows. And even if it seems like you'll be able to get in a second hit, many bosses turn invincible and skip ahead to the next attack pattern as soon as they take the first hit. Again, most of these fights aren't BAD, but because of this behavior they sometimes take almost as long to beat as the entire levels preceding them. This didn't bother me much early in the game, but against the more challenging bosses towards the end that kept killing me several minutes into a long fight, it got tiring. The final boss of Story Mode probably took me like an hour.

While this certainly isn't an uncommon style of boss design, part of me suspects they did this for the sake of co-op players. For one, playing in co-op means that you don't necessarily have to start the entire fight over if one person dies, so I assume the length is less of an issue. But in particular, true classic-style Sonic bosses that you can just hit repeatedly with good timing would go down in a few seconds against a team of four players. Likewise, the swarm of clones from the "Avatar" Emerald power would probably obliterate every Genesis era boss with one button press. So I get why every boss needs all these invulnerability periods, but still. I at least wish they'd made some of those attack patterns shorter and given you more frequent opportunities to deal damage.

Emeralds and their powers

Speaking of the new Chaos Emerald powers: they're neat, I guess? They're fine. I didn't use them much. Actually, I kept forgetting I even had them - although the game will play a noise and show an icon in the corner of the screen to remind you any time you reach a spot where a specific power is useful. Avatar, the first power you get, is at least good for getting a couple free hits in on the trickier bosses. Yellow's ability to slow time is obviously good, but, again, I always forgot I even had it and made it through just fine without it. I was also pleased to realize that the swimming power is useful for the water levels and not just for climbing up waterfalls.

Oh, and the new grappling-based special stages kind of suck, but they're not the worst, and I'll at least give them credit for trying something new. (Motion Sickness Zone from Sonic 1 does return as a bonus minigame, but I only did it once lmao.)

Battle Mode

I haven't played Battle Mode. Couldn't tell you if it's good or not. It did, however, give us official designs for Metal Tails and Metal Amy after all these years, and also it let me make this:

...Okay, enough beating around the bush. Let's talk about the thing that REALLY drags down the experience.

The soundtrack...

(This lengthy section on the music will feature some light spoilers for things like zone names and themes.)

Now, don't get me wrong. There are some bangers in here that I've been listening to on loop. But this is one of the most inconsistent soundtracks I've ever heard, and I'm not sure I've ever played another game where the music has such a sharp dip in quality in the back half.

As anyone following this blog knows, prior to release I was a little obsessed with trying to gauge what the soundtrack would be like. "Jun Senoue" and "new Classic Sonic game" naturally evokes the memory of Sonic 4, but from the start we knew Tee Lopes was involved as well, and almost all of the music previewed before released leans more towards the sound of Sonic Mania than anything else. I was hopeful! I was excited! Jun deserved another chance at doing another classic Sonic OST, and Tee is one of my favorite game composers of all time between his Sonic material and other works like the TMNT: Shredder's Revenge OST. I frequently thought back to this Sonic 4 remix medley by Jun and Tee as a reminder that these two could really be the dream team, bringing out the best in each other's work.

Sure enough, the front half of the game is largely dominated by the Mania sound, whether it's a track by Tee himself or one by an in-house Sega artist that's compatible with his style. Pinball Carnival Act 1 by Rintaro Soma (an up-and-coming composer who wrote a bunch of the Cyber Space themes in Frontiers) takes obvious inspiration from Mania's Studiopolis Act 1, to the point that I was shocked when Sega posted the track and revealed it wasn't written by Tee. Act 2, however, forges more of its own sound by leaning into the act's spooky haunted carnival theme. And despite being the music lead, the only level theme that I know for sure was written by Senoue in the front half of the game (Bridge Island Act 1) was actually arranged by Tee Lopes to give it more of that Mania sound. Hell, the level clear jingle is literally just the one from Mania. A few level themes by other composers don't quite match that style, but they fit in well enough.

But there are early signs that this sound won't be consistent throughout the game. Our first warning of things to come is the boss music:

When early copies started floating around and the soundtrack leaked, many, many people hoped that this was merely a placeholder, like the literal Sonic 4 Episode II music used in the earliest previews of Speed Jungle, and that it'd get replaced with a day one patch. Oh, those poor, innocent fools...

Even if you don't mind the poor production with the returning Sonic 4 faux-Genesis sound, this is a very simplistic thirteen second snippet of music that then plays a second time in a higher key before it loops. This wouldn't be the end of the world if the bosses were as short as the ones in the Genesis games, of course, but they're not! This theme is used for a ton of lengthy fights throughout the game, including an EXTREMELY long and tedious autoscroller boss at the end of Golden Capital Act 2. Maybe I would've enjoyed the bosses in this game more if they were paired with some earworms that'd get me hyped up and sell how cool and exciting the fights are supposed to be, but grating songs like this just made the minutes spent fighting those bosses feel like an eternity.

Still, boss music (and menu music) aside, all of the level themes in the front half of the game ranged from decent to great, with the peak easily being the phenomenal Lagoon City Act 2 by Tee Lopes. And then... I got to the back half of the game. And the Mania style completely disappeared, replaced largely with the dreaded Sonic 4 sound. That isn't the style for EVERY song in the back half, but even the ones that try something different tend to be weaker than the material from the first six zones, with less engaging melodies and less intricate arrangement. Many sound straight up unfinished, leaning on extremely basic synth patches with no personality. And there isn't a single track from Tee in the back half. He just disappears from the project altogether.

What this means is that we go from this absolute banger by Tee Lopes in zone 6, which elevates what's otherwise a bog standard desert level to a thrilling adventure:

To... this, in zone 7:

It's EXTREMELY jarring!

The thing is, this is actually one of the better tracks in this style. I have to assume this is by Senoue, because you can totally hear a good Adventure or Heroes era Senoue track in there once you get past the crude synth replication of the Genesis era Sonic sound. Senoue is still a great composer, as you can hear clear as day with Bridge Island, but he's working with a restrictive sound palette that doesn't play to his strengths at all. If only he'd bust out that damn guitar, or at least pick some better synths.

(And no matter what people will tell you, no, this is not an accurate recreation of what the Genesis's YM2612 chip really sounded like, nor is it representative of what it CAN sound like at its best. Go back to the Streets of Rage 2 or Ristar soundtracks if you need a reminder.)

While I can at least see what the Press Factory tracks were aiming for, some other faux-FM synth tracks are just really bland. They don't have anything interesting going on, and they also don't seem particularly tailor made for the levels they accompany. They're just attempts to mimic what Sonic 1-3 sounded like on a very literal level. Take, for instance, the Golden Capital Act 1 theme, AKA "we've got Sky Sanctuary at home." While the better level themes in this game enhance the mood or even completely carry the vibes of a level, the weaker tracks can really suck all the air out of the room and make a level feel like more of a slog.

What kills me is that there are, in fact, a couple examples of how to do throwbacks to classic Sega FM synth music well on this very soundtrack! They're just not the Sonic 4 type tracks. I love the Frozen Base Act 2 theme, presumably composed by legendary Sega composer Hiroshi "HIRO" Kawaguchi, who's responsible for all-time classic arcade soundtracks like Fantasy Zone, Out Run, Hang-On, After Burner, and more, as well as the hacking and pinball themes from Frontiers. Maybe to an untrained ear this doesn't sound all that different, but it has a catchier tune, better instruments, and stronger production overall. I'm also a fan of the track for Sky Temple, which isn't perfect, but it blends a few Genesis-esque instruments like the Sonic 1+2 snare with other instruments for a richer sound. If the whole soundtrack sounded more like these examples, I'd definitely be complaining less.

I really just have to wonder... how did this happen? How did this end up being so inconsistent? Many fans on social media are jumping to the conclusion that Senoue is just extremely stubborn and refuses to ditch the style from Sonic 4. I can't deny this possibility, but some things just don't add up. The almost complete lack of "retro" style music in the promotional material. The fact that the style just suddenly shifts halfway through the game, then disappears for the final zone, as if that's not the note they want to end on. The complete lack of any tracks by Tee Lopes in the back half. The focus on the Mania-style tracks in the bonus "mini soundtrack." And most perplexing of all, the fact that three of the first tracks you hear in the game were Senoue compositions that were given extra attention with arrangements from Tee Lopes.

This is pure speculation on my part, but it almost seems like they straight up ran out of time.

Perhaps Jun wanted more of his tracks to get full arrangements from Tee, or for Tee to contribute more songs, but things were down to the wire and they chose to leave in some of the raw Sonic 4 style demos. The soundtrack being crunched out in a matter of months at the end of development would certainly explain why Speed Jungle had to be demoed without its music a mere four months ago. It'd also explain why a game that's only a few hours long needs NINETEEN composers listed in the credits. And also the fact that multiple zones just have completely different, unrelated music by different artists across their acts. Did they need multiple artists working on different acts simultaneously, completely independent from each other with no time to cross reference each others' work, due to extreme time constraints? I'd buy it.

Ah well. It's not the end of the world. I've heard worse Sonic music. But I'll always think of what could have been...

At least the final battle with Eggman at the end of Story Mode has a pretty kickass boss theme, which ALMOST makes up for how bad most of the preceding boss music is (and the fact that that very difficult fight doesn't have a checkpoint between phases and took me like an hour to beat lmao). It even seems like it might be written by longtime Phantasy Star Online composer and recurring Sonic contributor Hideaki Kobayashi. That's the guy who wrote NONAGRESSION!!!!!!!

The postgame

Speaking of beating Eggman! It turns out Superstars has a good deal of postgame content, as merely beating the last zone with all the Chaos Emeralds doesn't take you to the true final boss. In order to do that, you'll need to do something else.

Before we hit the big spoiler warning, I'm going to give any future players who are still reading a warning. If you value your sanity... don't force yourself to do all the postgame stuff. Don't make the mistakes I did. It's not worth it, and it may very well knock your personal score for the game down a couple points.

----------------------------------------------------------------

SPOILERS FOR THE STORY, UNLOCKABLES, AND THE POSTGAME BELOW THIS POINT

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

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The bonus scenario

Sonic Superstars has a big surprise in store for anyone who beats the main story. For the first time since... what, Silver? In 2006? We finally have a brand new playable character in a new Sonic platformer! (I wouldn't count the player avatar in Forces as a full-fledged New Character.) Yes, after the credits roll, you unlock Trip as the super-secret fifth playable character. I was really excited to see this. Trip is cute, even if her masked appearance from early in the game is perhaps a more unique design than a Sonic-ified lizard girl who can only vaguely look like a real sungazer lizard. She IS the first new Sonic character Ohshima has designed since the '90s, though, so she gets points for that - and she gets even more points for literally turning into a dragon when she goes Super. We love a girl who can turn into a dragon, don't we folks? And her playstyle is fun, too, with a double jump and the ability to roll along walls and ceilings.

But Trip isn't just playable. Like Knuckles before her, she gets an entire alternate story mode of her own, which somewhat remixes the level layouts, generally makes things more challenging, and swaps out Eggman for Egg Robo. I was so excited to see this! It really felt like the game had so much more in store for me than I'd anticipated.

...Then I spent probably around three hours attempting to beat the new final battle with Fang at the end of Trip's Story. And it made me regret doing Trip's Story at all.

Once you learn the patterns, a lot of them are actually piss easy. But the difficulty comes down to a few misguided factors:

The fight is LOOOONG. On a successful attempt the whole thing will probably take the average player about, like... seven or eight minutes? Maybe longer? This is where I really started to get pissed at the game for making me wait through these stupid attack patterns before I could attempt to hit the boss once.

The fight is divided between two phases, one with Fang in a vehicle and another with him in a giant robot, with no checkpoint between them. Dying to one of Fang's bullshit attacks on the second phase means having to redo the ~5 minute first phase all over again. And, worst of all...

Fang has multiple projectile attacks that are guaranteed instant kills, even if you have rings.

Also there's a stupid desperation headbutt attack that can really easily catch you off guard and kill you, but I only got that far in the fight once.

It's the instant kills that got me. If those fucking immobilizing net attacks just made you drop your rings, or you could at least wiggle out of them by mashing buttons (EDIT: apparently you CAN do this but you literally have to button mash so rapidly that it's a crapshoot whether or not you'll physically be able to do it), it would have been totally doable! Kinda fun, even! Slow, but pretty cool in terms of spectacle. But nope! Three hours! Three hours on this! This is, without a doubt, the hardest boss I have ever faced in any Sonic game, period, and one of the hardest bosses I've ever seen in ANY game. All because of one attack pattern where making a tiny mistake means starting over.

The glitches didn't help, either. Something about the way the circular boss arena was set up in both stories' final battles seems to make the floor intangible sometimes for non-player objects. Occasionally my dropped rings, enemies I was supposed to knock towards Fang, or one of Fang's insta-kill projectiles would just fall through the floor randomly. This definitely wasn't my main problem, but it helped drive home the idea that this fight just wasn't worth my time.

After three hours of attempts, I gave up. I just went and looked up the ending of Trip's story, as well as the contents of the Final Story, on YouTube. Turns out I made the right call, because boy, that true final boss looks like dogshit. It's just a very dull fight against a big generic cartoon dragon. Apparently this is the thing Eggman was looking for. It appears and is defeated with little fanfare. I think I liked it better when I assumed the scary dragon being foreshadowed was just Super Trip.

...Also, hey, what's up with The End being very conspicuously visible in the background of the last zone?? I know it's just a cheeky cameo, but, like... isn't it supposed to be sealed away in Cyber Space right now? Should I be taking this literally? Does this have lore implications? This is one hell of a way to remind people that the timeline's been reunified, I guess

Closing thoughts

I really hate to part ways with Superstars on a sour note like this, because like I said up top, I mostly enjoyed my time with it! It's really just a small handful of particularly frustrating bosses and the inconsistent soundtrack that drag it down. Other than that, it's solid as a rock. Maybe wait for sales if you're not dying to play it, but it's definitely worth playing for any Sonic fan. Just... skip the true ending. I would have stepped away MUCH happier with this game if I'd done that.

I wanna try to end this on a more positive note but I'm tired, so, uhhhh... look, you can unlock a Metal Nights skin for your Battle Mode bot!!

Anyway back to jamming to about half the soundtrack on loop while pretending the other half doesn't exist, and looking forward to the continued Fang Renaissance with his upcoming IDW miniseries

[userparamore]

PARAMORE'S DORK INTERVIEW

i thought i'd gather some of the highlights/important quotes from their newest interview with dork magazine; all from new music, more solo music from hayley, and fine print. i've put it under the cut as it got a little long:

– hayley talking about new music:

Well, the band have already started toying with new music. At home, before the tour began, Paramore created some early demos that "really surprised" Hayley, with the tracks taking inspiration from the Bjork-fronted alt-rock band The Sugarcubes. But they've also spent a few days off from tour in the studio. In Hamburg, they visited Clouds Hill Studio and started messing around with another idea that "felt like it was on the other side of the tracks to what we'd been working on at home," offers Hayley. "But that excites me."

"Lyrics have always been a huge driving force for me as well. I feel a deep sense of discomfor when we go home to the American South in this political climate and a lot of poetry that I've been writing lately feels like adulted versions of the themes I was writing about in 'Brand New Eyes'." The band's third album was an exploration of faith, betrayal, community and pain. "Also you mid-30s are wild. I was told they were supposed to be breezy but it's like another puberty."

After the overwhelming positive reaction to the glistening pop of 'After Laughter' and the scuzzy rage of 'This Is Why', there's a real sense of liberation to whatever comes next. [...] "It does feel like there's more space now to do whatever it is we're inspired to do and not look back," she adds. "It doesn't have to be on thing either."

– hayley talking about more solo music:

"Fine Print is about creating a better ecosystem for our creativity," explains Hayley. And that includes potential solo stuff as well. "Paramore has always been the thing that I want to do the most, and I get really passionate and protective of it," says Hayley, but something shifted after seeing that nothing major changed with the band after releasing solo album 'Petals for Armor' and follow-up record 'Flowers for Vases/Descansos'. "I don't feel done with it at all," she adds. "And that feels so good to say."

"Originally she wanted her solo music to be released under the Petals for Armor name because it felt like a nice cloak. "Even when I was doing press for 'Petals', I was really worried people would think I was done with Paramore because those rumours fly so fast, but now I don't feel that fear at all. I know the three of us will be creative until we die, and that's going to manifest as a million different projects," she explains. Some projects will be Paramore, sure, but others might be Zac shooting music videos on film or Taylor acting as a producer for other people's records, like he did with 'Petals for Armor'. "I think Fine Print is going to be a really great catch-all for those things."

– on "Fine Print" and independence:

Not having a label is the closest Paramore have ever got to the "total freedom" they felt when they first started the band. "I think the creativity is about to get cranked up," offers Hayley.

With Fine Print, Paramore want to find a balance between creating art and living life, especially because "the music industry does not reward taking care of yourself," says Hayley, who is also asking questions about fairer payments for musicians and how to support new artists as well.

Paramore are still laying the foundations for Fine Print but the whole thing is being built on the same ethos of their 2018 Art + Friends festival. "If it's not people I would be happy to have a cookout with, I don't want them involved," says Hayley. "Music is community. It's such a great connector, and that's the energy I want around anything that we do."

– on their inspirations right now:

Right now Hayley is inspired by the fearless, slightly chaotic world of pop that's being ushered in by the likes of Billie Eilish, Olivia Rodrigo and Chappell Roan. They're not afraid of messy feelings and they don't care if they don't have all the answers either, which is something Paramore have always done really well. "You have all these women ruling the world, and I don't think pop has ever been cooler," says Hayley. "It's so inspiring to see young artists being really bold, expressing themselves freely and making good shit that everyone wants to sing along to, while also speaking about things that perhaps don't always feel good to speak about," she adds, with that new generation of pop stars kickstarting discussions on politics, abortion rights, body image and predatory fan behavior.

"But there's also so much exciting stuff happening with guitar music as well," Hayley adds, name-checking Amyl And The Sniffers and "sick" new band Font. "I'll always love indie sleaze and bands like The Rapture and Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but I'm ready for whatever comes next in the dystopian future that we're all entering. We need punk music, and we need those underground movements," she explains. "Not because I want to hide from pop music, but because there's life there that I want to live."

– hayley said she thinks zac is the most underrated drummer:

"Can I also just say in an interview that I think Zac is the most underrated drummer in whatever fucking genre we're in," says Hayley, still struggling to find a label for the band. "When he was 11, and I was 13, I saw him play for the first time, and I just knew." She can't explain how she knew, because what does anyone really know at that age, but at the end of every Eras show when the rest of the band huddles around him for the furious, cathartic conclusion to 'This Is Why', it's every dream Hayley ever had for the band come true. "I'm so grateful Zac came back for 'After Laughter' because he's the backbone of Paramore. He makes us better."

– hayley on performing:

"I remember when we were touring 'Brand New eyes' and our tour manager kept telling people the only time we didn’t fight was when we were onstage. I didn't want to accept it, but he was right," says Hayley. "We were beat down, uncomfortable, and that was such a rough time, but there's a reason Taylor and I never quit, and it was the shows. Paramore gigs did get a lot of the poison out."

"My smile is sorta too big for my face but make no mistake, I am but a bird-sized woman still filled to the brim with rage. If i didn't get to make music or throw my body around the stage every night, I wouldn't survive."

"I've realised I can't be alone," says Hayley." I can't be by myself in this, so I guess we'll keep touring until we physically can't. Can you imagine seventy-year-old Taylor York doing light choreography on stage?" she laughs. "Honestly, I am so excited for the next incarnation. It feels like there's something in the water."

[On playing The Only Exception] "It's not 'Misery Business' but I didn't want to endorse that message either," she explains. This time it was her vocal coach who had a word. "He said, 'You're in a band with your partner. Just look at him and pretend nothing else ever existed'. You know what is so dumb about me?" asks Hayley. "I felt so stupid doing that at first. I felt stupid having this pure expression of adoration and tapping into the hopefulness I had as a 19-year-old. This tour completely changed my relationship with that song though. Now when I sing it, I feel happy."

[max1461]

I do take a little bit of pride in, like, feeling that my political ethos is unpalatable to the kinds of people who consider themselves one-standard-deviation-above-the-mean thoughtful about politics. This is something I share with twitter communists, but because of my personality I take it in a different direction.

I'm, you know, like 30% "don't tread on" libertarian—and that part of me gets deeply irritated at the more "thoughtful", "educated" type of libertarian who talks about the efficiency of markets and so on. No! You've got it all wrong! This isn't about optimal distribution of resources or whatever, it really is about muh freedom.

On the other hand I'm like 30% absolute bleeding heart pacifist progressive etc. And this part of me gets deeply irritated simultaneously at all bloodthirsty twitter leftists and the globe emoji neoliberals and whatever. Again: no! You've got it wrong! It's not about all the refined and learnèd shit you say it's about. It really is just about can't we all get along, we're all part of the same human race, universal love and compassion.

And then the other 40% is other stuff. I really am quite a materialist in my typical mode of analysis; I keep coming back to socialism for a reason. And I have some strain of Chestertonian conservatism in me, and some appreciation for high modernist technocracy, and a deep sympathy for the Amazonians and the Sentinelese, and a punk anarchistic "screw the Man, man" tendency too. I don't really think any of these attitudes conflict; they're additive upon one another.

But I really... the things people turn to when they turn away from pure gut intuitions, when they turn away from "muh freedom" and "can't we all just get along", are so often worse. You could have stuck with those intuitions and tried to flesh them out, if you thought they were right-but-incomplete. But this posture of like, I don't know, unjustified refinement, I hate it. I really do get along with the guys who say "the damn GUB'MENT better get off my property" more than 90% of the people who think they're better than those guys. I don't know.

[nhothicket]

Ever create a band au even though you cant draw instruments?

more info below the cut :>

Meet Bdubs, 38, stage name BdoubleO - Boomer is often mistaken for his first name, but is just another nickname for the pile. Infamous online, if it weren't for the fact that he makes disgustingly good music he would probably have more hate followers than genuine fans. The line between charming asshole and just asshole is one he fails to tread lightly most days, but he's mostly harmless. Let's just say the Bdoubleo could also stand for boorish. A bit of a sellout, but he enjoys what he does and many appreciate his extremely.. candid attitude. Best likened to a cartoon villain dressed as a rockstar, with the ego to match. (It's usually his unrelenting pretentiousness that gets him into Twitter spats.)

Thank you @foxden-frontier for always helping out with my stupid aus ^v^

Annoying at worst, unfortunately very charismatic at best. You could say he's a softie at heart, but that implies its at all difficult to spot. Once he's done "clapping back at all the haters", in person he's still got a temper (he thinks he has a bad boy reputation to uphold) but is enthusiastically friendly.

Etho, 32, resident keytarist of creatively named band Canadian Bacon. Joined by his two best friends, Pause the frontman and bassist, and Beef their drummer. A deceptively popular band if judging by their permanent rough draft name and their nerdy-college-student dress code. Etho himself is just a guy who likes playing music with his buddies, their hobby having blown up under their noses. Now, as an unfortunately successful touring artist, Etho's anonymity is scarce, but he continues to wear his mask to discourage widespread photos of his face. In spirit. He's concerned about having his face plastered all over fan accounts, which still occurs, but a perk of having a completely rabid fanbase is that many will defend your boundaries to their last dying breath. Like his face, his legal name is out and about online, but its similarly discouraged. Best likened to just a guy.

If asked on the subject of his scar, the entire band has various different whimsical stories, brand new everytime. His lack of internet presence means Pause and Beef are free to make up whatever misinformation about him as they please completely unchecked (in jest of course), and they do take advantage of that. Many of these alternative facts are passed around on wikis and in fan circles.

To say Bdubs is jealous of Canadian Bacon's popularity is an understatement. They weren't even trying at all and yet they're the hot shit? But instead of putting that jealousy to hatred (which he had considered of course) he's instead set himself on proving himself. And if that means impressing Etho then so be it. Why does it mean impressing Etho? Good question, never ask it again. They say keep your enemies close, and Bdubs' enemies don't deserve personal space.

As it turns out, Etho wasn't too difficult to impress or maybe Bdubs was just that amazing. Either way, they end up hitting it off. Their friendship is an interesting one, mostly because Etho's fans basically hunt Bdubs for sport online. We're talking scribbled out of pictures, get behind me, #FreeEtho. Etho thinks he seems pretty cool though, if not a bit much sometimes, so no harm no foul.

Okay, rapid fire, some other notes for this au.

> Etho's legal name is Ethel. Because it is. My heart is so set on it. But if you're boring, Ethan or Ezekiel or something work too I guess.

> Etho's keytar mimics a more traditional guitar in most cases, though he's known to experiment a lot with how far he can push that.

> Etho's scar is from a mugging in this au, not a very fun story to tell. Beef practicing his brand new razor blade throwing hobby or fighting a bear to beat Pause in a bet is much more entertaining.

> Canadian Bacon is meant to have a manager, but I couldn't think of anyone I felt fit. Just a note.

> Bdubs has a habit of grabbing Etho by his tie and pulling him down to his level or otherwise using it as a leash. Etho doesn't usually wear the tie outside of show stuff or interviews, but he wears it around Bdubs because thinks its funny. When there's no tie that doesn't stop Bdubs, collars and hoodie strings are subject to the same usage.

> Etho isn't aware of how infamous Bdubs is when they meet as they meet at a festival with a big group of other musicians. Most of which already know Bdubs as his more excitable friendly self. He only finds out later when Bdubs complains about Etho's fans flaming him anytime he mentions him.

> Bdubs still has a self-imposed curfew, 10pm every night unless it conflicts with a show. He needs his beauty sleep.

> The trigger reason for the animosity toward Bdubs is due to being blamed by fans for the split of his last band that had a pretty hardcore cult following (OOG, I've not named their band yet), and that has since snowballed into what it is today, despite his actions being relatively harmless. To note, this was not an assumption at all promoted by either party, it was entirely a fanmade judgement.

> For those who can, picture s5 jungle Bdubs mixed with drunken OOG(E) ctm maps for his approximate personality. Still goofy but with a sharper tongue and a lot worse of a temper.

> Originally I considered Cleo as Bdubs' manager so he's not all alone in narrative sense, I still think it's not a bad idea I'd love to see her chew him out for acting like a moron. Ren or Scar would be also be options for manager.

> Bdubs needs a touring band, but I'm not well versed enough in the hermits to actually pick one out. Just a note.

Okay, that's most of it! There's some more pg-13 headcanons for this au, along the lines of fuck yeah rock'n roll lifestyle, but it's not really important I'm sure just that is enough to get the gist of it. Thank you for reading this overly long note. ^v~