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welcometothejianghu · 25 days

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Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 重啟之極海聽雷/Reunion: The Sound of the Providence/The Lost Tomb Reboot/this thing has too many names

Reunion (I'm just going to call it that) is a 2020 action drama about the most specialest little babygirl in the tomb-raiding world, his two husbands, and the cadre of assorted weirdos they pick up as they try to follow a set of directions left by a dead (?) man in the thunder.

Imagine if someone showed you the Mandalorian, and you were like, gee, that was a neat little sci-fi one-shot! because you'd never heard of Star Wars. That was basically my experience watching this show, having no idea that the Lost Tomb franchise (DMBJ) was even a thing. Turns out that not only is there a whole big continuity out there with these characters, but that Reunion takes place a few years after the main story's resolution. Don't worry, though -- Reunion doesn't spoil you for that resolution. It doesn't spoil you for much, period. Look, DMBJ has a weird relationship to endings, okay?

I have written a more thorough where-to-start guide for DMBJ as a whole, so if you want to consider other entry points, well, that information is there for your consideration. Yet it is my opinion that this is the best entry into the overall franchise, and a fun thing to watch just in general, and I'm here to make my case for both of those.

The rest of this rec will assume that you have no familiarity with the DMBJ series. That's okay; you don't need any. All you need is to trust my five reasons you should watch this.

1. Old Man Yaoi

As you begin this show, you are introduced to the Iron Triangle. That's them in the picture up there. Left to right, you have: Xiao Ge, magically tattooed immortal hottie who just got back from ten years in [scene missing]; Wu Xie, our protagonist, who's just a little guy and it's his birthday; and Wang Pangzi, the literal best.

(And yes, Wu Xie is in his 30s and Pangzi is in his 40s, which is not technically old man anything, but ... look, if you watch, you'll see why I think I'm justified in calling it that.)

They are extremely married. They are a disaster trio of disasters so disastrous that no one else should ever be subjected to their chaos. They're going to make sure lots of people are, though, don't you worry about it. Sometimes those people even deserve it.

However, because the show (tragically!!) decides that Xiao Ge has somewhere else to be like 95% of the runtime, most of the relationship you get to see is between Wu Xie and Pangzi.

I'm saying this now as an old gay nerd who just this year celebrated her 15th wedding anniversary: I have never, never felt so represented in media as I have watching Wu Xie and Pangzi interact. There's a little wake-up song they sing together near the end of the show, and it just ... it packs so much character development into thirty seconds. These boys have been living adjacent lives for so long that they've made up their own little shared songs about the mundanities of daily living. That is just what happens when you marry your best friend and then decide to get old and weird together. Ask me how I know.

Look, if you want to know whether this show is for you or not, watch to the end of the first episode, to the part where Pangzi flips over the table. If your heart is filled with joy (as it should be), keep going.

Love makes a tomb-raiding syndicate family.

2. A fun-filled action-packed romp of nonsense!

If you're familiar with Hellblazer canon, this will make sense to you: Reunion is Dangerous Habits. If you're not familiar with Hellblazer canon, try it like this: Reunion is a terrible place to start because it plays on your extant affection for a character who gains a terrible status effect almost immediately. It's a also great place to start because it throws you right in the action with measurably high stakes and gives you a reason to build that affection very quickly.

I'm also going to warn you right off the bat: The plot of this show got cut to ribbons by censors.

See, the DMBJ books, being books, are allowed to get away with supernatural shit! So you've got zombies and ghosts and curses and monsters and immortality and all your other standard ooky spooky semi-urban fantasy trappings. But the DMBJ adaptations, being live-action, are heavily regulated in their content. This is why, in the early Reunion episodes, our heroes are menaced by human-looking creatures that are actually ancient mannequins made of leather that are piloted, mecha-style, by evil clams. Because evil clams are more scientific than zombies. I guess.

So yeah, the plot of this book already had to get mangled into a more "science"-compliant shape even before it made it to filming. The real problem is that a whole lot more of it got cut after it was all filmed and put together. I have read an explanation of what the actual storyline was supposed to be, and yeah, if you know what you’re looking at, you can see (and hear) the scars where major elements got hacked out with a weed whacker.

Therefore: You cannot expect this plot to make sense.

But that's okay! You're not here for the plot to make sense! You're here to watch some characters you love run around through ridiculous and sometimes beautiful labyrinths, trying to solve puzzles you're never given enough information to understand, all in search of the resolution to a mystery that had half its guts torn out before you got to see it -- and you are here to love it. If you have ever laughed and cheered your way through a Mission: Impossible film without pausing to care too much about the plot holes it’s dodging left and right, you are in the correct frame of mind to appreciate this. Just believe that whatever engaging nonsense the show tells you is correct for the time being and go with it.

You cannot watch DMBJ and care about the laws of physics. You simply cannot.

Do not, however, let me give you the impression that the shoddy plotting is accompanied by equally shoddy performances. A major part of this show’s incredible watchability comes from how the cast is shockingly good. There are some serious heavy hitters among the actors. A major part of why this Wu Xie and Pangzi are my favorite together is the incredible chops both Zhu Yilong and Chen Minghao have, to say nothing of their real-life affection for one another. (See that scar on Wu Xie's neck? That scar is there because Zhu Yilong commits to the bit.) Effortlessly charming Mao Xiaotong turns potentially irritating wunderkind Bai Haotian into a perfect precious weirdo baby. Wu Erbai's entire second-season character arc could have been unintentionally comedic, but veteran of queer cinema Hu Jun sells even the undignified moments as relentlessly tragic. And of course Baron Chen absolutely kills it with...

3. This giant fucking loser

This is Hei Xiazi. That's not his name, but it's close enough. Allow me to do a dramatic reenactment of my watching his first scene:

[camera pans over to him]

me: Ugh, I recognize this kind of wannabe badass character design. I hate his type. He's self-important, hyper-masculine, and just a big jerk, and the show thinks he's soooo cool. Barf.

[thirty seconds later]

me: Oh no. I was so wrong. I love him forever now.

This is because he is (as indicated above) a giant fucking loser. Yes, he's a good fighter who knows lots of things. He's also a wet potato chip of a man. Sure, he can get you into a headlock, but he can also annoy you into submission, and that's honestly more fun for him. My wife has used the phrase “Vash the Stampede-coded” to describe him. My wife is not wrong.

And the kind of ridiculous thing is, being such a loser is what wraps back around to making him cool again. He's a loser because he just doesn't fucking care. His masculinity is the opposite of fragile. You tell him to wear a dress and makeup, he'll do it -- and sure, he'll complain, but only because he enjoys complaining. He has no dignity. He’s tits-out. He's gender. He's the worst and also the best.

Hei Xiazi is a major character in the other installations, to the point where he and his boyfriend (more on him later) even have their own movie. But of course, I did not know this on my first watch, so I kept expecting the show to explain his whole deal. It does not, but you don't really need it to. He sees better in the dark. He doesn't age. He's a thug for hire. There, that's all the bio you need.

One of the things that makes him great is that he is the least sexually threatening person ever. Across all the properties he's in, he spends a fair amount of time with women -- sometimes in very close quarters -- and they are perfectly safe around him. I actually wrote a whole post about it once upon a time (warning for tiny spoilers for a series that isn't this one) wherein I claim that not only Xiazi but Reunion in general is the television equivalent of the shirt that says I RESPECT WOMEN SO MUCH I DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM.

That said, this loser does get a sort-of romance plot here -- and honestly, I find it very cute! It's not even the only instance in this series of a bisexual guy in a long-term same-sex relationship getting a girlfriend, and I like that other one too! Look, the handle of my DMBJ sideblog is @katamaricule because I joked that Wu Xie treats polyamory like a katamari, and if you don't move fast enough, you're going to be rolled right up into his gay little cuddle puddle.

This is not a show for exclusive ships; this is a show for inclusive ships. The Jiumen Association is a polycule. You don't even have to know what the Jiumen Association is to know it's true.

4. The power of friendship

This show has a lot of characters.

I'd say the supporting cast is divided into three categories: characters who have been in previous installments, characters who have not been in previous installments, and characters who probably should have been in previous installments (or at least mentioned) but who were only created for Reunion so we have to pretend like we've known about them all along.

There is no way to tell which is which -- which is part of my argument that this series makes a good entry point to the franchise.

Take Huo Daofu. Huo Daofu is a brilliant doctor masquerading as a donut stand operator who treats Wu Xie with all the cold disdain of a man confronting the person who left him at the altar years ago. On the one hand, yes! We do know Huo Daofu from a previous series, and we've known he's both a doctor and a bitch. On the other hand, oh, we have no idea why he's like this about Wu Xie, and we probably never will. The show just treats it like it's for an excellent reason, and you know what, from what you know about Wu Xie, it probably is.

Consider also Jiang Zisuan. One of the show's principal antagonists, Jiang Zisuan turns out to be the brother of ... well, let's just say it's someone whose having a brother really should have come up before this. It has not come up. (And that's even before we get into the issue of his surname.) His stated identity as that person's brother is so bizarre that my favorite interpretation is that he isn't actually that person's brother -- all the flashbacks we see are just his delusions about a relationship he's completely invented. But there's no way you'd know how fucking weird this is on your first run.

Then there's our friendly little support himbo, Kanjian, who shows up to all occasions with two tickets to the gun show and not a thought in that beautiful head. (His name just means "vest," which is par for the course when it comes to the author's naming conventions.) He was a lot more menacing in the last series (where they kept putting sleeves on him, geez), where most of what we learned about him is that you can loan him out to other tomb-raiding families. Now he's a golden retriever with great aim and a slingshot. It's an upgrade.

The trick is, you cannot be surprised when someone shows up and the show treats them like you should know who they are, even when there's no possible way you could know who they are. I mean, for heaven's sake, Liu Sang arrives in the middle of an obvious beef with Pangzi, the origins of which are never satisfactorily explained, while also having a giant do-I-want-to-fuck-him-or-do-I-want-to-be-him crush on Xiao Ge, which is also never satisfactorily explained. Whatever, you just roll with it. He's got good hearing, a bad attitude, and questionable taste in idols. Now you're good to go.

(I should throw in a special note here that Liu Sang is many, many people's little meow meow, and not undeservedly. For a fuller explanation of why that is, please consult this other post I made.)

Part of the fun of this big cast is the adorable interactions you get. All the characters have appropriately big personalities, and the show loves letting people you wouldn’t expect bounce off one another. It’s not your typical action-hero show where nothing happens without the protagonist in the room. There are lots of exciting combinations and tons of charming dynamics! Unlikely friendships form all over the place! Enemies become allies! Allies become friends! Friends become friends with other friends! Some friends become enemies again! You'll need a scoreboard to keep up!

This is not to say the show treats all its characters perfectly or equally -- one of the precious few main female characters doesn't even get a real name, for heaven's sake, and the less said about the brownface racism, the better. It is, at its heart, a dude show for dudes made in China, with all the troubling decision-making that implies. Where it does deserve credit, though, is in understanding that its supporting characters are actual people with personalities apart from their function in Wu Xie's narrative. Sometimes the show just asks "what if [random character A] and [random character B] had to interact?" and has fun considering the answer! Which is almost always a delight to watch, and sometimes even breaks your heart.

5. Amazing rewatch value!

And by this I mean the experience of watching this show is remarkably different once you have any understanding of the rest of the DMBJ universe.

For instance, there's a point where two characters are scuba-diving past some submerged coffins, and one character tells the other whose coffins they are. Working only on information Reunion has given you, you're like, oh, that's where they buried the guy who built this creepy place, that's a little weird. Once you recognize that name from other series, though, your reaction is far more, excuse me, they did WHAT to WHOSE corpses?

Or another point where a character you've already met is on a train, and there's a handsome gentleman who just happens to be riding with her. He hands her his business card! Aw, that's sweet, he seems like a nice guy! Well, no, Xie Yuchen is not nice, but he is one of our allies, and he's Hei Xiazi's boyfriend, and a lot of what he's doing hits real different when you have a fuller grasp on why he's doing it and for whom. (Honestly, a major reason to watch Reunion first is so you're not fully and appropriately upset by how your black/pink gays merely have one teeny tiny scene together.)

From the way the series treats the persistent absence of Wu Sanxing, Wu Xie's third uncle, I absolutely, 100% assumed that he was a completely new character to this installment of the series, an extremely long-lost relative that we've somehow conveniently managed to never talk about before now. So imagine my gobsmacked surprise when I went to watch a different series, set much earlier in the timeline, where the opening scene prominently features Wu Sanxing as an actual character in the present-day narrative! ...Well, sorta. Look, there's a lot of fuckery with his identity in earlier parts of the story, and fortunately you need to know none of it to understand Reunion. But when you do, it suddenly makes a lot more sense why Wu Xie talks about someone who was a major part of Wu Xie's adult life like he died when Wu Xie was nine.

AND THE FLASHBACK SCENE WHERE A-NING GETS KILLED BY THE SNAKE, AND YOU'RE LIKE, OKAY, AND THEN YOU WATCH ULTIMATE NOTE AND IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL look, I know there are kinda reasons for this, different production companies and all, but seriously, what the fuck

All of which to say is that the experience of watching Reunion the first time is, hey, this self-contained romp is a lot of fun! The experience of rewatching it after watching any of the other DMBJ installments is a transcendently wonderful head-clutching avalanche of one moment of recognition right after another.

And here's the thing: You will watch more. Reunion is a gateway drug. If you are interested enough to make it through all 62 episodes, you're going to be interested in watching more. Which is great. The English-speaking fandom needs more people. Come down into the tombs. It's great down here. We've got snakes and arguably unintentional homoeroticism. Join us. Join usssssssss

Are you ready for an aventure?

There are a couple different ways to watch the first half, but there's (weirdly) only one way to watch the second, so for both of them, I'm going to send you straight to iQiyi: Season 1 (32 episodes) and Season 2 (30 episodes).

And just so you’re ready when Reunion is done, here’s how you find the rest of the DMBJ series, in the absolutely non-chronological order in which I, personally, think you should watch them:

The Lost Tomb 2 (AsianCrush, YouTube)

Ultimate Note (iQiyi)

The Mystic Nine (iQiyi, Viki)

Sand Sea/Tomb of the Sea (Viki, WeTV, YouTube, also YouTube)

Also, there's a lot of movies and side series and other pieces that are worth seeing, and even a couple of full series I've left off the list, and you can just slot them in wherever. And maybe we'll get Tibetan Sea Flower someday? Look, hope springs eternal.

They're so perfect. Perfect triangle. Perfect boys.

#dmbj #重启 #重启之极海听雷 #盗墓笔记 #Reunion: The Sound of the Providence #the lost tomb reboot #rec post #i made this

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vidavalor · 3 months

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Fish: A Good Omens Sex Meta Thing

A deep dive meta on fish and that deathless death.

NSFW under the cut. TW: Mention of Satan's attacks on Crowley. Also for those who asked me for more on the Ineffable Husbands and trauma-informed partnership.

Aziraphale, listen to me. The supernatural world? It's a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they've got Up there...

This is basically the requested "Crepes 2" but you don't have to have read that first. I did link it at the bottom if you have not and you're interested in more meta like this one. Thanks for reading. 💕

Couples. Romantic and/or sexual partners who have an understanding of a mutually-agreed upon level of commitment to one another and their relationship. Frequent celebrators of special occasions.

"A team-- a group; group of the two of us." A couple.

Special occasions. Notable life events celebrating milestones and past days significant to a couple's relationship.

"For special occasions." Why Aziraphale bought one dozen cases (144 bottles) of Chateauneuf-de-Pape in 1921, as he either tells or reminds Crowley on the walk to the bookshop in 2008. Only "a few bottles" were still left at that time, according to Aziraphale, after 87 years of Crowley and Aziraphale celebrating special occasions enough times as an unofficial couple between 1921 and 2008 to have drank almost 144 bottles of the wine they only drink on special occasions.

Wedding anniversary. A special occasion; the "big one" of a married couple's special occasions. Celebrated annually by married couples as a romantic day that honors their commitment to one another. In S2, the day of The Meeting Ball is the night that Armageddon: Round Two gets underway. It is also the wedding anniversary of...

Mutt and his beloved spouse. The lovely magician who owns Goldstone's Magic Shop in 2023 and his beloved spouse, who is dry-witted, trans and had on a dress the color of Crowley's eyes at The Ball. Paralleling characters to Crowley and Aziraphale.

Anniversary. For partners who are not married, usually celebrated as a day of significance in their romantic relationship, chosen for its importance to them. Almost always related to a "first" in the relationship, like the day they first met or on which they had a first date.

"This is The Big One, Crowley..." What Satan (while impersonating the voice of Freddie Mercury) said to Crowley about Armageddon while assaulting him in 2008, on the night Armageddon: Round One began. Crowley was supposed to be having dinner with Aziraphale at the time.

The 1.01 sushi scene. Our re-introduction to Aziraphale in 2008. A series of indicators that we learn throughout the course of the season teach us that Crowley was supposed to be with Aziraphale in the Japanese restaurant on this night before he was delayed by Hell, assaulted by Satan, and forced into helping to start Armageddon.

Various scenes in S1 show us that Crowley always comes up on the same side of Aziraphale if he is approaching him from behind when meeting him but we don't yet know that in the first scenes of 1.01. As a result, we might not immediately realize that the reason why Aziraphale opens his eyes and looks to his left after hearing a miracle chime in this scene is because he expected that it was Crowley arriving to meet him after having been running late. In reality, it turned out to be Gabriel on his right-- which Aziraphale first sees in a mirror and which will be mirrored in additional scenes in the show (Crowley dragged to Hell in 1827 and the Gabriel statue on the other side of Aziraphale, etc.). Dialogue from the scene set the next day in St. James' Park that we will look at later on in the meta also confirms that Crowley was supposed to be with Aziraphale in the 1.01 sushi scene.

The sequence of scenes at the start of the 2008 minisode also sets this up by giving us Crowley alone first and letting us revel a bit in how fun he is and like him even more. The contrast with Hastur and Ligur establishes for us that Crowley is about a trillion times smarter and more enlightened than these guys. It's the second scene with Satan, though, that exists to show us that while some of the demons are just idiots, demonic life for Crowley is actual hell.

The "Bohemian Rhapsody" he so endearingly rolled up blaring in The Bentley comes back and now takes on a nightmarish tone as Crowley receives instructions from Satan while driving The Bentley and we learn that Satan can possess him at will and Crowley's sunglasses-- even in the dead of night while driving alone-- start to make more sense. They're a defense mechanism but he's actually defenseless in the face of this threat. It's from watching Satan get in-- through the radio, taking over the music, speaking through the voice of a non-evil entity, jumping through the air and through Crowley's sunglasses through his eyes and into his mind and rendering his body immobile while he's driving The Bentley-- that we are taught the core of what it means to be a demon in Good Omens.

The demons belong to Satan, in Satan's view. They are part of his collective of souls who exist to serve him. They are not individual people existing independent of him. There is no such thing as bodily autonomy in Hell.

What Satan does to Crowley in 1.01 is a metaphor for sexual assault. It's a forcible attack on his body against his will and without his consent. Though the scene is mercifully short, we are left with the awareness that it is short for reasons of the plot in this instance-- because Armageddon is beginning and the purpose of the attack in this moment is to give Crowley directions on delivering the antichrist baby. The scene, though, shows us that Satan can do this to Crowley whenever he wants and Crowley-- an otherwise very powerful being-- has no known defense against it. Crowley is unsurprised by it and that, plus all his various defensive layers already in existence in 1.01, show that it has happened before. Crowley has been on Earth for 6,004 years in 2008 and the implication here is that these assaults have been happening periodically the entire time and are among the issues most responsible for the PTSD symptoms he shows throughout the show.

It's off of this assault, though, that we segue into our re-introduction scenes of Aziraphale in the present and they are, at the start, the exact opposite of this nightmare that Crowley is living. As Crowley is attacked in his car on a dark road alone at night and then has to narrowly avoiding killing a man in an oncoming truck, we move over to Aziraphale's world, not yet realizing that this is the world that Crowley lives in when he can get away from Hell-- that it is actually their world together.

Aziraphale is presented with the sushi from his friend who has prepared it specially for him and we listen to Aziraphale thank him. The Italian of "Bohemian Rhapsody" (symbolic in this moment of Dante's Inferno and Hell) gives way to Aziraphale speaking Japanese (symbolic of mindful living.) The tone is all kind and gentle-- respectful and peaceful. We then get what is, really, the exact opposite of what just happened to Crowley, which is Aziraphale taking a slow breath with his eyes closed, inhaling the scents of the brine of the fish and vinegared rice and the herbs, and centering himself in the present moment as part of the experience of enjoying his meal.

The immediate contrast is drawn between Satan-- Crowley's rapist, who terrorizes him-- and Aziraphale-- Crowley's partner, who loves him, and with whom he has the kind of consensual, mindful, sensual experiences he was supposed to be getting up to on this night when Armageddon began instead.

In S2, the importance of the sushi scene from 1.01 returns as it is mirrored during the attack on the bookshop. Once again, Crowley is away from Aziraphale when he should have been there by that point and Aziraphale is worried about him. Present instead is, once again, Gabriel. This time, Gabriel has undergone a bit of a Jim journey. (Aziraphale offering him hot chocolate instead of tea in 2.01 was also set up by the sushi scene, as it's off of Gabriel being grossed out by the "rose matter" tea, showing again how important the scene is.) In S2, Gabriel is with Aziraphale again, this time pushed back further into the bookshop, and where are they in the bookshop-that-represents-Aziraphale during the sushi scene mirror? They're upstairs, on the landing.

Specifically, they're just inside the top of the stairs in front of a room, the door to which we are shown several times in S2 but which we have not yet seen open.

We have gone into the room next door to it-- that's the guest bedroom, where Gabriel stayed during the season. By process of elimination and out of an idea of convenience here, the room we haven't been inside of that is located at the very top of the stairs is almost certainly Aziraphale's bedroom. So, we've gone from S1 and having Gabriel show up unexpectedly while Aziraphale mistook him for Crowley while he and Crowley were supposed to be having one of their sexy meals together to S2 and Gabriel now there in the mirror scene in front of their bedroom, drawing a bit of a correlation between what these two scenes are both about.

There's also something symbolic to the idea that S2 uses invitations and doors and rooms in the bookshop to symbolize Aziraphale himself and who he lets in and whose voices he is, for better or worse, listening to at different times-- with his mental health crisis being symbolized by the bookshop being essentially overrun to a point that anyone can now get in. The one room that is shown to us but the door to which never is opened in S2 is the bedroom door. The bookshop can get overrun and others can get deeper into it than we've seen before-- demons in the living room, Maggie and Nina and Gabriel upstairs and in the back kitchen table area like the family they've become-- but the bedroom door stays closed because only Crowley and Aziraphale are allowed in there. No one but them can open the door. Metaphorically-speaking... and probably literally as well.

As the sushi scene is paralleled in S2, we get Shax there bullying Aziraphale. Shax is jealous of Aziraphale and his relationship with Crowley and she also fails to understand it because she sees Crowley as a demon like her and presumes he's as dark as she is, having no idea that Crowley's demonic schtick is an act to survive. She gives voice to these questions (and to Aziraphale's most illogical self-doubts-- but self-doubt is never logical...) when she asks:

"Aziraphale, what *are* you? Crowley's emotional support angel? The softest touch? The one who went native? Do you need more big, human meals, Aziraphale? Shall we send up *the sushi*?"

Shax is actually doing something here, language-wise, that the show first did with Hastur in 1.01, and that's making them both useful idiots when it comes to language. Remember Hastur's mistranslation of "ciao" as Crowley leaves the graveyard with the baby? What Crowley said was, as we know, Italian-- Hastur got that bit correct-- but instead of translating it in his mind as meaning the "hello"/"goodbye" that "ciao" means in Italian, he confused it with its homophone of "chow", which he said "means 'food'." It does but in an informal way or in reference to food given to animals.

This is darkly ironic in the scene because of where Crowley is headed in the next scene-- and where he's supposed to be during both scenes. He's supposed to be "chowing down"/having food-- having dinner-- with Aziraphale and food is, as we'll learn over the course of the 2008 minisode, euphemistic for sex in Ineffable Husbands Speak and symbolic in relation to it in the show itself overall. Instead, Hastur isn't entirely wrong when he translates "ciao" as "chow"-- and he might have done so unconsciously in his mind because he knows Satan is going to contact Crowley with instructions soon. He sees Crowley as "chow"-- in the sense of food fed to the animal that is Satan.

In 2.06, while Crowley is taking Maggie and Nina to safety outside the bookshop, Satan is mentioned when Shax demands that Gabriel and Beez be given to her to take "as gifts for Our Master Satan." Dagon-- Head of the Dark Council and not known for mincing her words-- replies that Satan "wouldn't want them... maybe as hors d'oeuvres." Not a single person in the room-- which contains almost every major non-human character in the show shy of Crowley-- disagrees with this assessment. Rape is not about sex-- it's about power-- but in a show that uses food as euphemistic for sex on several different levels, Dagon's comment is chilling.

It not only takes the attacks on Crowley that are already a metaphor for sexual assault and codes them through food in such a way that the feeling you get from the 1.01 Satan scene-- how it comes with an implication that the assaults aren't always a delivery of instructions-- is correct and that, unsurprisingly, Satan is a rapist in every way possible, but it also sees someone who would know in Dagon state that Satan would not actually care that much about Gabriel and Beez. He'd rape 'em, sure, is what Dagon is saying. He's Satan. But they would be just hors d'oeuvres. They're not who he's really fixated on.

The Grand Duke of Hell who betrayed him and their former Supreme Archangel partner are not interesting to Satan is Dagon's statement and not a single person in the room challenges that. No one says anything about it and the scene is deliberately structured so Crowley is not in the room when it's said to create this reaction in the others... the implications of which are just horrible where Crowley is concerned.

Back to Shax in the bookshop attack scene...

Shax parallels Hastur here because they are using her lack of language skills to highlight something to us by what it is that she doesn't understand. Much like with Hastur unintentionally spelling out what's really going on through mistranslations of words, Shax is trying to bully Aziraphale and she's tossing insults at him that are, actually, in the alternative meanings of what she's saying, the answers to the very questions she's been asking.

"Aziraphale, what *are* you? Crowley's emotional support angel? The softest touch?..." In insulting Aziraphale, Shax is using Crowley's mental health issues as a way of insulting both of them here, which shows how Hell obviously isn't exactly the most trauma-aware place. She's obviously saying that Crowley is comparable in mental health issues to humans (whom the demons see as beneath them) who have a need for emotional support animals. Like Hastur with the "chow", there's an animal comparison being drawn beneath the words used here but instead of the ominous lead-in to Crowley being attacked in 1.01, in S2, we have it about Crowley and Aziraphale, not Crowley and Satan.

So, Shax is calling Aziraphale Crowley's pet, right? And then she calls Aziraphale "the softest touch", which is a phrase meaning someone who is really gullible. What Shax doesn't realize is that the other, human-derived meanings of what she just called Aziraphale are the answer to the question of what Aziraphale is to Crowley.

In British slang, "pet" is a term of endearment. To pet someone is to touch and kiss in a way meant to be sexually arousing-- as in, "heavy petting."

The softest touch. This is, quite literally, the definition of a caress.

In S2, Aziraphale pats his and Crowley's pet-- The Bentley-- but he pets Crowley. The only time he tries to actually pet The Bentley is when he's semi-jokingly making it a sexual metaphor for Crowley. It underscores that Shax is almost there in getting it-- she's just not quite understanding the meaning of her own words-- which are words that, like Hastur's ciao/chow moment, exist to tell *us* something in how we look at them more than to tell the character speaking something.

In effect, we get a whole scene in S2 that parallels the 1.01 sushi scene by defining some more what it's really all about through Shax not quite fully getting it. What is Aziraphale to Crowley? is her question and the answer is the softest touch, just in the other meaning from the way that Shax says it. Aziraphale is kind to Crowley and gentle with him. He's the mindful sushi night in the face of the horror chow of Hell. They love each other. It's soft and sweet and that's why Shax has trouble understanding it-- it flies in the face of what she thinks the demon Crowley would want because of the reputation Crowley has sold everyone on regarding who he is, which isn't who he really is at all.

"The one who went native. Do you need more big, human meals, Aziraphale? Shall we send up *the sushi*?" Aziraphale is the angel who "went native"-- he lives a mostly human existence with Crowley alongside the humans. Shax clearly doesn't eat that much as no one has ever called sushi a "big meal" lol but besides that bit of humor aimed our way, this is more tying of food to sex. Aziraphale likes food and he likes sex and in Ineffable Husbands Speak-- which Shax does not speak-- food is euphemistic for sex. What's unnerving about this scene in this moment is that it plays like the later scene between Maggie and Shax does-- as if Shax is reading the thoughts of the character she's bullying and lobbying them back at her. She might well be doing this here and that's why the sushi comes up-- Aziraphale is thinking about it because Crowley should be here and isn't and Gabriel is right near him instead and it reminds him of 2008. (This wouldn't be the only callback to S1 in this sequence, either; there's Aziraphale explaining the fire extinguishers to Nina not that long after this.) Either way, it's writing designed to directly correlate this part of the bookshop attack with the 1.01 sushi scene to further underline what the 1.01 scene is about.

Okay, so, let's look then at why we're so into repeating bits of this sushi restaurant scene in GO and what it tells us about Crowley and Aziraphale's story by what other scenes it ties to...

As the 1.01 episode continues, we get another scene pretty soon after the sushi scene which adds another layer to this by recontextualizing our understanding of the sushi scene-- that's their lunch at The Ritz the next day, in which we learn that Crowley is rather into watching Aziraphale eat and Aziraphale loves it. This then helps to explain Aziraphale's look in the sushi scene when he turns to look in the direction of where he thinks Crowley will be on the left, before it clicks that Crowley is not there and he sees, instead, Gabriel on his right via the mirror on the wall.

Aziraphale hears the chime with his eyes still closed. His eyes are then still on the food when he reopens them and he hasn't had time to see that Crowley is not beside him before he turns in that direction and this is the expression on his face as he does:

That is a pretty sexy little look that was indisputably supposed to be given to Crowley...

In the later scene where they're at lunch at The Ritz, we come in on their meal at the end of it. Aziraphale is on the last forkful of his dessert and we get the idea of kinky lunch from what we see on the tail end of it. But before it? Back at the start of the episode, set the night before? We see that everything that happens the next day at The Ritz actually happens because they weren't able to be together the prior night. It will also help us to understand how Crowley knows about "the fascinating little restaurants where they know" Aziraphale in the St. James' Park scene.

The 1.01 sushi scene tells us that, by 2008, they sometimes sneak out to a quiet, dark place where they think they won't be seen to have dinner together.

What's most notable about the set of this scene in the sushi restaurant is the shocking brightness of one color in particular.

The scene leading into it, as we noted, is Satan's attack on Crowley in The Bentley and that scene is, appropriately, very dark. It's pitch black night outside and Crowley, in his perpetual black clothes, half-blends into the night around him. Flecks of grey and silver are the main sources of light in the scene. The same color scheme tips into the Aziraphale sushi restaurant scene-- with two exceptions. The silver grey remains (Gabriel) and so too does the thick, black darkness but there is more light in the restaurant and it shines over Aziraphale. He looks bright against the black darkness, even though he wears beige. He is the light that is missing from Crowley's scene. But that's not the shocking color to us in the scene. That's the one that saturates its way through the darkness around Aziraphale. That color is...

Pink. The color you get when you mix white (Aziraphale) into red (Crowley). Traditionally, a color of love, romance and health.

Pink plume. The energy field emanating from the bookshop when Crowley and Aziraphale performed a miracle together to protect Gabriel in 2.01. Also: part of Mrs. Sandwich's hair accessory during The Meeting Ball. Mrs. Sandwich represents sex and healthy communication in 'The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Represent The Stuff of Life' thing the show has going on.

"In the pink." A phrase meaning "in good health."

1967. Flashback scene in the 1.03 Cold Open in which Aziraphale gives Crowley holy water and they discuss their relationship-- specifically, trying to be more openly together. The scene is drenched by the pink light from the sex shops (one called the "Love Shop") that were then in the spot where Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death (symbolic of freedom) is in S2.

Jane Austen. One of the most famous writers to ever live (sorry, Crowley, but she is lol.) Writer of romance novels. A human that both Crowley and Aziraphale knew in the early 1800s. As Aziraphale brings her up to Crowley while they are talking about romance, pink floods the frame through the clothes on the extras in the wider part of the shot besides him. Pink is also present throughout this scene in general, which already parallels 1967 via it being related to set up, The Dirty Donkey and Crowley's turtleneck.

Back to the pink-dipped sushi restaurant in 2008... what else do you notice about this scene that is familiar, now that you've seen all of S1?

Maybe that Aziraphale is actually sitting at a bar? And thought Crowley would meet him there, so they would be sitting at the bar together? Aziraphale also had just spoken at the start of the scene with the restaurant person on the other side of the counter. Where have we seen one of them doing something like that before?

That other rather fish-oriented scene: Rome. 41 A.D....

Rome. 41 A.D.. Aziraphale runs into Crowley in a tavern in Rome. Crowley is miserable and not having the best day of his demon life. Frustrated by the temptations he's been sent to perform for Hell that have him enabling horrible men in the Roman military, he's lonely, tired and grouchy. This initially was worsened by the arrival of Aziraphale, whom Crowley always loves to see but who, in that moment, was a reminder of how broken Crowley felt.

PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. A psychological condition brought on as a result of experiencing the psychological shock of a traumatic event or events. Some symptoms of PTSD include disturbed sleep, difficulties feeling safe, difficulties trusting yourself and others, anxiety, depression, and intimacy issues.

"In the pink." Remember the phrase meaning "in good health'"? Not a lot of pink in the Rome scene... initially. ��

"Salutaria." What Aziraphale says in toast as he and Crowley clink glasses. Means "to your health." Crowley clinked glasses but quickly looked away, leaving Aziraphale thrown in the moment as to why Crowley was not rejecting his presence entirely but seemed uneasy and was putting up some walls between them that he had not in this way up to this point.

So, why was Crowley doing that?

Anorgasmia. Modern, clinical umbrella term for all issues relating to disorders surrounding an individual's ability to orgasm. If physical or medicinal reasons are eliminated, however-- as they often are-- then anorgasmia is a psychological mind-body disconnect.

Not an arousal disorder. Sufferers of anorgasmia still experience desire, compounding the impact of the disorder.

Secondary anorgasmia/situational anorgasmia. The inability to orgasm unless under certain conditions, such as through self-stimulation (masturbation). The inability to enjoy partnered sex. Extremely common in rape/sexual assault survivors.

(Diagnosis for anorgasmia are related to biological sex but Crowley is able to switch that at will so he'd be both of these, which are fundamentally the same thing.)

Hot Water Boiler. Device which heats up water in a house or apartment. In S2, a metaphor for anorgasmia.

In S2, Shax is living in what used to be Crowley's apartment and asks him if he knows how to fix the hot water boiler, as it has "two yellow lights" and isn't working. The point is that this used to be Crowley's apartment. Crowley, in 2023, knows how to get beyond a bout of it. He's fixed his own metaphorical hot water boiler-- and also the literal one when he used to live in that apartment. And while he's being sarcastic because Shax won't stop hounding him and Aziraphale, he's also giving her the most sage advice he knows, as he has continuously been doing during the season. In this case, it's to self-love a bit (which is actually prescriptive for anorgasmia in our modern times as well.) That he does is suggestive of the prior issues with secondary/situational anorgasmia.

Alcohol (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). As we looked at in the Crepes meta: Surface layer: alcohol. Hidden language layer: Sex. Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol. An extremely alcoholic breakfast at The Ritz.

Whiskey. Alcohol. What Crowley orders in a bar. Usually Talisker, which is a single-malt scotch. (Scotch being whiskey made in Scotland.)

Broken bottles of whiskey. What was in the case Crowley brought Mrs. H in 1941 at the start of the sexual metaphor that is The Bullet Catch.

Trauma-informed partner. Modern term for a romantic and/or sexual partner of a trauma survivor who is aware of the pervasive nature trauma can have on a person and who endeavors to provide a sense of safety-- physical, psychological and emotional-- for their partner and to create a relationship centered on healing and recovery, rather than one that causes further distress.

Frequently survivors of one or more forms of abuse themselves, as Aziraphale is. Not expected to be perfect but just to do their best by their partner.

Characteristics of trauma-informed relationships include kindness, empathy, mindfulness, gentleness, well-earned trust, a sense of playfulness, and a well-developed shared sense of humor. (Sound familiar? 😊)

The Bentley. Crowley's car and Linus blanket. As sexual metaphor, when Aziraphale is feeling cheeky: Crowley himself.

Driver's license. Documentation that must be obtained in order to operate a motor vehicle. Requires permission, experience, necessary skills, and willingness to learn. In London, not originally necessary to drive upon the invention of cars, until everyone realized what an absolute disaster that was. Aziraphale long ago passed his test and has had a driver's license since shortly after Crowley bought The Bentley. They did not require licenses at that time but always-eager-to-be-thorough Aziraphale made them give him a test to be sure he was truly qualified to drive.

As sexual innuendo: Crowley, we're absolutely ridiculous. You won't give up your car and I wall myself off in a fortress of books I can't part with but you've been "in my bookshop" and I've been "driving your Bentley" for an absurdly long amount of time. We even swapped bodies a few years ago. It might not actually be possible to be any more intimately familiar with a person than we are with one another and we both know I had these car keys the moment I asked for them so hand them over. No one was exactly a trauma-informed partner in those days but I was-- aren't I marvelous?😉I'll treat your car as gently as I treat you. Give me the keys or I will just keep going until I run out of car sex innuendo and I should warn you that I have lots more...

Trauma-informed partner. Aziraphale.

Mindfulness. A state of mind that focuses on being in the present moment by being conscious of one's thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. A state of the mind being connected to the body and experiencing the present moment consciously and fully. Frequently used to help combat PTSD, anxiety and depression. Also frequently used as a therapeutic intervention for assault survivors experiencing intimacy issues.

Aziraphale and Crowley smelling the magic shop in Season 2 and Aziraphale inhaling the scent of the sushi in 1.01 are both examples of mindfulness exercises. The sushi scene is tied to sex, as the food kinky thing is a form of foreplay, suggesting a focus on sexual mindfulness in bed.

Mind-body connection. What is in need of repair in sufferers of situational/secondary anorgasmia. Sexual assault causes the body to associate a loss of control with being under threat. Whereas people who have not experienced a violation of their bodily autonomy tend to respond to sexual stimulation with a response of pleasure, those who have been hurt have bodies that are wired to react to being touched or to feeling out of control as if they are under threat again, even if they are intellectually aware that the new situation they are in is not dangerous. What is arousing for others can cause a sense of anxiety instead of pleasure. There is also the risk of flashbacks to being attacked.

Healing the mind-body connection requires a trusted partner with whom the person suffering from anorgasmia feels safe and who is willing to help keep their partner in the present moment and help them "re-wire" and recover their body through new, positive experiences.

Asmodeus. The Demonic Prince of Lust. Crowley. A persona to have in Hell to give him big reputation that didn't involve him having to kill anybody and that also acted as a cover for his anorgasmia.

"Crowley." What Crowley asked Aziraphale to call him in 33 AD, just 8 years prior to Rome. An admittance of being mad about Aziraphale.

"What am I supposed to be, an aardvark?" In Rome, as Crowley grows nervous by this wine-drinking Aziraphale who also has nothing to do for the evening that has shown up in his world on a miserable day, he responds to Aziraphale's "still a demon, then?" nervous chatter with a line of his own, asking what else he was supposed to be? An aardvark? Of course, if Crowley was not a demon, being with Aziraphale would be easier and he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place but an aardvark is not just a random animal that Crowley thought up here.

Just prior to this moment, Aziraphale had approached him with "Crawley-- Crowley" and a soft smile. It wasn't actually a mistake on Aziraphale's part but a silent question: is it still alright to call you that? Thanks to S2 and the Job minisode we can see the 33 A.D. scene- in which Aziraphale learns of Crowley's new name-- in a different way. We see it as Crowley romancing Aziraphale a bit-- responding to Aziraphale being obviously a little jealous of Crowley's reputation as the wild Asmodeus with a whisper of how he'd changed his name to "Crowley"-- something that we know now that only Aziraphale understands. In Rome, eight years later, Aziraphale is asking by saying both names if that's still something Crowley feels-- and silently saying he hopes it is by subtly asking and by flirting with him a bit.

Crowley doesn't object to Aziraphale calling him "Crowley" and that encourages Aziraphale to join Crowley, who sends signals that he wants his company, even if he's grouchy. Maybe especially because he's grouchy. He can be grouchy around Aziraphale, who is his friend and will listen.

Aardvarks. Primarily eat ants and termites. In the insect metaphor in the show, humans are ants. (The "ants go marching" of The Flood scene.) Demons were hornets in this analogy but also flies and one could assume that termites might also be a good demonic insect analogy, as termites eat decaying plant material and demolish the dying down into the ground. Since food is sexual metaphor on Good Omens and living creatures are metaphorical in multiple ways, being an aardvark then is being someone who both fucks and kills other demons and humans. Being an aardvark is actually a good metaphor then for what's expected of Crowley in Hell and he obviously has some issues with it.

He doesn't want to kill anybody and he's sitting there wearing Roman military regalia, having been sent by Hell to facilitate some death and destruction in a way that he hasn't been able to Bildad his way out of this time. Aziraphale's presence is always welcome but Crowley's crabby in this moment because he knows Aziraphale is in a place by this point where he wants to sleep with him and they just ran into each other in a tavern and both clearly have the night free and now Crowley's got to decide if he's going to tell the angel or not that he's a disaster of an aardvark.

Aphrodisiacs. A substance purported to increase sexual desire. Named for the Greek goddess of sexual love and beauty, Aphrodite, who has been depicted since antiquity usually nude and on the shell of an oyster (or, occasionally, a scallop), as both are two of the oldest purported aphrodisiacs known to man.

Oysters. History's foremost food-related aphrodisiac... though that's not really proven. A few years ago, Italian and American scientists did a joint study to attempt to prove if oysters really did increase virility. What they found was a very minor increase in testosterone in men brought on by one of the compounds of oysters (which is also found in some other kinds of shellfish.) The difference was so small, though, that the scientists determined that an individual would have to consume a lot of oysters (like, a bucketload) to notice any significant difference. In other words?

Whether it works or not is, like with almost all aphrodisiacs, in the mind of the individual. If you believe it will work, it likely will. It's mind over matter. If you want it to work, it probably will. Thematically, an interesting thing to throw in a scene involving a character deciding he's in a place to work on overcoming psychologically-based anorgasmia.

The ancient Romans were obsessed with the oyster-- particularly the soldiers of the Roman military. Much of the cultural awareness of oysters as having a reputation today as being sex-boosting food is actually rooted to the beginnings of that trend in ancient Rome. Both Crowley and Aziraphale would have been aware of the reputation of the oyster in 41 A.D. and Crowley wearing military regalia might have been one of the reasons, in particular, that Aziraphale chose oysters as an euphemism to convey his meaning.

Oysters. Fish. To eat them, you have first got to get them out of their protective shells.

Adam and Eve. The first humans and the other inhabitants of The Garden of Eden. Parallels to Crowley and Aziraphale. Eve gave Adam food-- showed him the pleasures of eating the apple. It sent them on a path of sensual exploration and Adam, freed by Eve showing him food, gave her sex in return.

The other two in Eden at the time-- The Angel of the Eastern Gate and The Serpent of Eden-- are actually no different.

Crowley tempted Eve but Crowley also parallels Eve to Aziraphale's Adam. Crowley encouraged Aziraphale to try the ox ribs and unleashed the raging hedonist that Aziraphale can be. Rome in 41 A.D. is Aziraphale then realizing just how much they are Adam and Eve. (Something that they become aware of over time and is at the root of things like Crowley dryly saying that it's "time to leave The Garden" in 2019 in S1, when they leave a park to go have kinky lunch together.)

By Rome, Aziraphale is now a devoted gourmand. He also drinks now; he's tried wine at some point in the interim years between the Job minisode and this scene. (This is the first scene in which both Crowley and Aziraphale drink and the first time we see them share a toast-- something that becomes symbolic of them as lovers in scenes in the future, like its parallel scenes in 1941 and 2019-- furthering the suggestion of Rome as the start of their sexual relationship.)

Aziraphale might be in Rome on Heavenly assignment but that's not what he mentions to Crowley, if he is. Instead, he talks about Petronius, whom he assumes from Crowley's military clothes that Crowley will know and whom Crowley does. If referring to, as we suspect, Gaius Petronius Arbiter, then Aziraphale is referring to a being so queer even the historians can't get around acknowledging it-- a courtier who was the taste and style maker of the Roman empire, and who is believed to be the author of The Satyricon, which is basically the foundation of satire in literature but also famously contains a whole chunk of it that is just basically erotica.

Some details of Petronius' life are a little vague so Good Omens is exploiting the wiggle room here to suggest that he actually did own a restaurant. In reality, Petronius wrote in The Satyricon a description of ancient Roman feasts that have been seen as maybe barely satirical because of the whole bacchanalia of the period that Petronius was satirizing. So, by 41 A.D., Aziraphale is moving in wealthy human queer circles in ancient Rome and enjoying all of the pleasures life on Earth has to offer... and he's found Crowley alone in a tavern and is throwing as many of these things together in a sentence at one time as possible to convey an overall sense of would you like to join me?

The Job minisode has already happened. Aziraphale is more than aware that Crowley was enjoying watching him eat. They're both here with the night free and blending in amongst the crowds has never been easier than it was in highly-populated Rome. Aziraphale is used to picking up humans and it's different than it is with Crowley, who is quasi-immortal like he is and his friend and somebody for whom Aziraphale has feelings. There's also something funny about the fact that Crowley is in a (literally) hellish mood and Aziraphale is pretty undeterred and still goes for it. In attitude, Aziraphale is basically like You're in a terrible mood--you need to get laid, Crowley. Lucky I showed up, isn't it? 😂

Meanwhile, Crowley is fully aware of what Aziraphale is up to. He's known since he heard Aziraphale approaching him and has been mulling over how he's going to handle it. The grouchiness isn't just about his bad day-- it's anxiety manifesting as crabbiness. To his credit, Aziraphale seems to get that even before Crowley more specifically shares the source of that anxiety.

So, Aziraphale goes for it and how he does is to pick up on their way of speaking to one another euphemistically that they started in Job's courtyard and introduce food as a way of speaking about sex. This is already amusing in S1 but it's funny as fuck after S2 when we know that the ox ribs have already happened at this point and that that's why Aziraphale is going this route. Aziraphale's like how to see if Crowley wants to smash? Tell him I'm hungry wink wink... 😉

I would also like to point out that they are already in a tavern that sells food. In the wider shots of Crowley in the second half of the scene, a plate of food is on the table beside him. There are oysters *in this bar* lol. Oysters were not uncommon in ancient Rome by this point-- if this conversation were really entirely just about trying this particular kind of seafood, they could just order some from the woman who served Crowley his drink who is three feet away for the entire scene and try oysters right here.

By bringing up Petronius and another restaurant where they sell sexy fish, Aziraphale is laying down an ancient Roman, euphemistic equivalent of do you want to get out of here?

To tell Crowley that he [Aziraphale] hears that Petronius "does remarkable things *to oysters*." To ask Crowley to go to bed with him.

Specifically, to see if the food kinky Crowley wants to go with him to Petronius' new restaurant and try these oysters the human guys are so on about and then go back to where Aziraphale is staying and see if the oysters really do anything to their oysters.

With this one sentence, Aziraphale has just turned "oysters" into three specific, separate-but-interrelated things at once:

1) oysters are fish-- just the seafood itself-- as we're always also talking about the thing on the surface level as well in Ineffable Husbands Speak and this is no different. Petronius makes some yummy oysters, according to the restaurant reviews of ancient Rome, and his new restaurant is an opulent food orgasm of a place and Aziraphale correctly thinks that would be appealing to both of them. He loves to eat and Crowley loves to watch him eat and does Crowley want to go on a little date to do that-- just also with actual sex this time?

2) oysters are aphrodisiacs-- Aziraphale is bringing up the fact that everyone is talking about how eating oysters can increase your sexual desire and bring about more pleasure for you and your partner(s) in bed. Aphrodisiacs are evocative of partnered sex. Not that you can't take them for fun times on your own but most people do not so bringing them up then sets up the verbal italics of "to oysters" that lands Aziraphale's invitation, unintentionally, straight in the heart of Crowley's issues, because:

3) oysters are a partnered sex orgasm-- Aziraphale says he (Petronius) "does remarkable things to oysters" so Petronius makes delicious oysters, which are what you eat to increase sexual desire and therefore what apparently cause you to experience more pleasure for longer and to climax harder... the innuendo is that the oysters (the aphrodisiacs) do things to your oysters (your orgasm).

Surprise twist, Aziraphale...

Crowley has made sure it never occurs to anyone that he has problems in bed and that has included Aziraphale up to this point.

Crowley basically now has a couple of choices. He can gently rebuff Aziraphale's offer, hopefully without embarrassing him too much, and they can try to pretend this never happened, and then he knows that Aziraphale is probably never going to ask him again. Not an option. Who knows when else they might find each other with the night free like this again? and Crowley does want to try.

He can pretend there's nothing wrong with him and stress himself into a disaster, like he's probably tried to do with humans before but they die within a couple of decades and take the embarrassment with them but Aziraphale's going to live for ages, is really his only friend, and Crowley's in love with him. Crowley's self-sabotaging at times but he's also an optimist and a romantic, and it's those things that give him some hope that he might not be permanently broken.

Finally, there's that he can just tell Aziraphale the truth because, let's be real here, the angel wants to try it and like hell is Crowley saying no to that.

So, he doesn't.

(Note the red squiggles on his costume that look pink in the light and like a heart monitor jackhammering-- with anxiety, with arousal-- and the candle that burns a pink flame where the light hits the jug.)

"I've never eaten an oyster." Aziraphale has defined an oyster between them as an orgasm had during partnered sex and that is what Crowley is saying he's never had.

He's also possibly saying that he has never eaten an actual oyster-the-seafood, because even though they were pretty common in Rome in the era, Crowley eats less than Aziraphale does, apparently hasn't been in Rome that long, and has had, until this moment, no reason to try the fish everyone is throwing back to try to increase their sexy times as Crowley's just been avoiding any sexual situation like the plague.

This is both a leap of faith on Crowley's part and a moment indicative of just how much he trusts Aziraphale. He needs every other living being to believe he's Asmodeus but Aziraphale can have the real, unvarnished truth because Aziraphale is the only person Crowley trusts not to hurt him. He knows Aziraphale can keep his secrets and that they have their own private world where vulnerability is allowed. He knows that Aziraphale is his friend beyond anything else.

This is telling Aziraphale that he'd like to try but he's kind of a mess. He doesn't want Aziraphale to feel like it's his fault if this doesn't work and he wants him to know what he's getting into. Crowley has long harbored a suspicion, though, that it would be different with Aziraphale, which is also why he wants to give it a try. If the angel can't help him rewire himself here, no one can.

Emphasizing this is Aziraphale's reaction. If they had been talking about pizza, maybe this reaction would have fit lol but it's clearly not a reaction to learning that Crowley has never consumed one particular kind of squiggly, hard-to-eat, honestly not that great seafood. It's a reaction much more befitting learning Crowley has not experienced something far more delicious and life-affirming than actual oysters-the-seafood.

"Oh-- well, let me tempt you to--" Just consider this moment from Aziraphale's perspective for a minute...

Serpent of Eden Crowley? He is literally the spark that lit the flame of all of humanity here. By tempting Eve into free thought and sensual pleasure, he also empowered her into teaching Adam these things. As a result, Crowley is basically responsible for sex on Earth-- for all of its history. If you live in the Good Omens universe and you've ever had an independent thought, a sensuous experience, or an orgasm, you owe Crowley a thank you note.😂Every play Aziraphale has ever seen, every meal he's ever enjoyed, every human he's ever taken to bed-- all of those experiences are indirectly because of Crowley.

Aziraphale has wanted him for quite literally ever. He compares everyone else to him. No one else has ever made him feel like this. He knows they're attracted to each other but he never felt like he knew what, if anything, he had to offer Crowley. The hottest being he'd ever seen freed him from the prison of his own repression here-- what could he ever give Crowley that was worth something like that? How do you learn together and try new things and adventure together with someone who seems like they're leap years ahead of you and know all the things it took you a long time to find out?

It's at "I've never eaten an oyster" that Aziraphale realizes that the being who freed everyone else got left behind and Aziraphale can fix that. He is good at burning holes in prison walls. Protection and arming others against threats to them and healing and kindness-- that's what he does. He's been here thinking for ages that Crowley would never need anything from him that he knew how to give like this but now he sees it differently. They've shown each other already by this point that they're good at being partners but this one aspect of it always felt to Aziraphale like it would be imbalanced. In Rome, he realizes that it isn't.

Aziraphale doesn't have the vocabulary we have today for these sort of issues and Rome wasn't exactly a bastion of trauma-informed sex lol but he didn't need any of that because he's intuitively good at this. He already knows that it will be fine because Crowley doesn't know it yet but he effectively already told him that it will-- by telling him in the first place. Aziraphale knows that trust and desire are what's needed and that they have those in spades. All he really has to do here is help Crowley relax and get out of his head.

Or, as Aziraphale will put it during the 1941 sexual metaphor that is The Bullet Catch plot: "You do the shooting. I'll do all the hard bits."

What gets Crowley's attention in Rome is how utterly confident Aziraphale is. How empathetic but unpitying. Aziraphale doesn't hesitate and he trips over himself accepting the challenge-- which is awfully cute-- but it's that Aziraphale doesn't treat him like he's broken or seem to see this as daunting that works for Crowley. There is a lot of internalized shame and fear and pain associated with anorgasmia and Crowley has been stewing in this for a very long time up until Rome so for Aziraphale's response to be not dismissive of it but, instead, reassuring, was exactly what Crowley needed. Aziraphale's whole attitude is oh ok no problem should we get going now or..? While he was not happy about Crowley having had difficult experiences before because he doesn't like to think of him in pain, he was really into the idea of Crowley thinking it could be different with him.

Aziraphale really, really, really likes being the person Crowley let in enough for this. Pardon the Crowley pun here but Aziraphale has never stopped crowing about it between them in thousands of years and if Crowley weren't besotted with him, he would have murdered him over it by now. (See: an example in 1941 that we'll look at near the end of this meta and "I had to miracle in the cherries" in Good Omens: Lockdown.)

"No, that's... that's your job. Isn't it?" Aziraphale's use of "tempt" to offer Crowley sex is then something of a joke between them because neither of them are tempting each other in a demonic sense of the word at any time. They find each other tempting though, in the sense that they find each other attractive. To use "tempt" with one another is just to ask each other if they are in the mood for something, not to influence the other into doing anything ("tempt you to a spot of lunch?" and "temptation accomplished" in 2019.)

This is really established first in the Job minisode, chronologically, as Crowley didn't so much tempt Aziraphale to try the ox ribs so much as he just offered them to him and Aziraphale decided to without influence. The same is true for Crowley choosing to try sex with Aziraphale in Rome-- he's really already chosen to by not saying no and that's all before Aziraphale's "well, let me tempt you--".

When Aziraphale replies to Crowley's reaction to the "tempt" line with "No, that's... that's your job. Isn't it?", Aziraphale is teasing him a bit. He's saying he sees through Crowley's massive control issues and that he gets him. You always have to be in control but you don't always want to be. Well, today's your lucky day, Bildad, because we're partners in this now.

Or, as it's known in 2023:

Flame burning pink as Crowley smiles a little for the first time in the scene:

"Oysters! Oranges!" What Juliet (the woman selling snacks) calls out as the opening dialogue in the 1601 scene to entice prospective buyers, the only one of which really is Aziraphale. Oysters-- aphrodisiacs. Oranges-- cinematic symbol of death. Aziraphale chooses...

"Some grapes please! They look scrummy." Grapes. Fermented grapes are wine. Wine is alcohol. Alcohol is sex. We haven't a need for oysters anymore and we shun symbolic death in favor of the little death. The grapes look "scrummy", shortened version of "scrumptious", meaning both "delicious" in food terms and "sexy enough to eat" in people terms. Aziraphale eats them in front of Crowley during the scene.

Oysters. What Crowley and Aziraphale had in ancient Rome.

Oysters (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). Both an aphrodisiac and an orgasm, but...

...since they don't want to bring up anorgasmia every time they're flirting or talking about sex for the rest of their very long lives... and since oysters on their own are really hard to work frequently into conversation and would get a bit old pretty quickly, they need another word.

So, based on what we've seen in the series, it evolved into...

Oysters = Fish.

Fish live in the ocean, amongst other sea creatures.

Fish & sea creatures (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). An orgasm.

Anything related to the ocean (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). A metaphor for sex.

If it is in or lives in water, it's prime material for climatic innuendo. If it has multiple meanings in English? It will be used frequently as part of wordplay. If it pertains to the ocean or lends itself to destructive adjectives (shipwrecks, sea monsters, bubbling seas and rising waves), it will absolutely be a sexual metaphor at some point.

Such as...

Wahoo. A kind of fish. Also: an exclamation of joy. For obvious reasons, Crowley and Aziraphale's favorite fish joke.

In 1941, Aziraphale seeks feedback in the dressing room on their sexual metaphor Bullet Catch performance-- that they are both more than aware of-- and Crowley agrees that it went well and dryly suggests they "chalk up a win for the side of the angel", turning the common phrase that is usually "...side of the angels" singular to reflect only Aziraphale, who is over the moon that Crowley enjoyed it and cheekily replies "wahoo!" before their flirting is interrupted by Furfur.

Decades later, Crowley gives another stellar performance-- the full, epic saga of his M-25 Orbital Disruption-- to the joyless, miserable lot in Hell and concludes it with a line that he plans to tell Aziraphale later to make him laugh:

Carp. A kind of fish. Also means: to stand around and bitch. Aziraphale telling Crowley to stop standing around getting off on grouching and go get Maggie and Nina for The Meeting Ball in S2.

Gravlax in Dill Sauce. Cured salmon. This one is special and we'll look at it in the Dill Sauce meta about the St. James Park scene soon.

Ducks. Waterfowl. Aquatic birds. This is long enough. 😂 They are a whole separate meta.

Pickled herring. A kind of fish, cured in salt. What was dumped out of the barrel by Elspeth in The Resurrectionist minisode so she could use the barrel to transport her corpse. Crowley and Aziraphale spend half the minisode dragging around a barrel that should contain fish (the little death) but actually contains a corpse (actual death)-- foreshadowing the fact that their date will end with Crowley dragged to Hell and the start of the holy water arc of misery for them.

Red herring. A dry, smoked fish that turns red as it is smoked (ooh la la...) 😉 Also: A literary device, in which something is established with the intent of it distracting the audience from something else in the story. Elspeth and her pickled herring barrel are a red herring that changes The Resurrectionist minisode story from what the audience thought it would be into what it is, distracting the audience from the fact that the story actually began with Crowley and Aziraphale meeting in a graveyard at midnight for... ah... reasons. Aziraphale also turned 'red'-- turned to Crowley's side-- during the course of the episode, even as his shot at getting him some "pickled herring" that evening went up in hellfire smoke.

"Sargeant Shadwell." The hilarious, Sean Connery-esque way that Crowley said Shadwell's name in 1967, made funnier by the fact that a shad is a type of fish... and part of the herring family and this scene itself is a red herring. It misleads the audience into thinking we have a whole new plot about Crowley leading a break in to a church that is rendered inert within a matter of minutes when Aziraphale gives Crowley holy water. Shadwell's name is basically 'Fishwell' and, for Madame Tracy's sake, I hope that's true and not ironically funny. Either way, doubtful that Crowley and Aziraphale haven't joked about his name before. Shad also phonetically sounds like 'shag', the British slang word for fucking, and Crowley's tone of voice in the scene had a ring of 'shag' connotation to it.

Kieler Sprotte/Kieler Sprotten. A German smoked herring dish. A hidden reference in the Baraqiel entry in 'The Demon's Guide to Angels...' book that Furfur had in 1941. Baraqiel is Crowley and the entry, based on what's in it, was written by Aziraphale. One of you requested a meta on Baraqiel so that's on deck for now.

Newt. A semi-aquatic salamander. They live in the water but only some of the time. Also: Newt Pulsifier, an extreme parallel of Crowley who breaks all technology he touches, loves his less-attractive-than-The-Bentley car, and falls for a being who has issues with the purpose they feel they were put into the world to fulfill. Newt gets "in the water," metaphorically-speaking, when he has sex for the first time in S1 with the Aziraphale-paralleling Anathema, which is another example of how he's a more extreme version of Crowley, whose parallel to Newt is Aziraphale helping him through his intimacy issues.

Flounder. A kind of fish. Also means: to struggle helplessly in water. "To flounder" is frequently confused with "to founder", which is wordplay intentionally being used by Aziraphale in the "Seeds of Destruction" scene in S1, which we'll look at in the requested Seeds meta soon.

Bananafish. A kind of fish. Also: the first two words of Aziraphale's magic words. Is it "bananafish" or is it "banana, fish"? It's a little unclear and possibly situational. It's also likely both and a reference to wordplay and sex via fish. "The Bananafish" is also a short story by J.D. Salinger about trauma, PTSD and suicide that correlates to S2 quite a bit but we can look at that in a more Aziraphale's-trauma-centric meta.

The 'drunk-in-the-bookshop' scene. Part of the 2008 minisode, in which Crowley and Aziraphale are drunk and talking on the surface about Armageddon but are actually flirting with each other using sea-related terminology to make some drunken sexual metaphors.

Whales and dolphins. Sea-dwelling mammals. Not fish but live like them, alongside them. Damn big brains. Whales, in particular, are their own metaphor in Good Omens-- above and beyond Ineffable Husbands Speak-- but, in this context, they are non-fish creatures that live in the ocean, so Crowley is equating himself and Aziraphale to whales and dolphins in the drunk-in-the-bookshop scene and calling Aziraphale smart and clever in doing so. He is too drunk to come up with how smart they are ("brains the size of... *gives up* damn big brains" lol). His point is that Aziraphale is so smart, which is so hot, and that's his point. Brain city, whales.

Off of this, a drunk Aziraphale has heard Crowley say "damn big brains" and is thinking you know what *else* is big, Crowley?

"Kraken! Oh, great, bigggggg bugger..." Totally plastered Aziraphale is undefeated at Completely Wasted Wordplay, though, and he has a mythical monster and a whole attempt at a sexual metaphor for Crowley here, thanks to whatever brain cells are still kicking around in his damn big whale brain. The Kraken is huge and we aren't just talking about smart anymore, nope... Adding to the humor is the use of 'bugger'-- The Kraken is a massive one and we're talking about both in size and in terms of quite extraordinary amounts of buggery that Aziraphale wants to get up to here...

Giant squid and octopi. Also not fish but live in the sea, much like the whales and dolphins that Crowley had just mentioned and probably one of the reasons why Aziraphale's mind then goes towards The Kraken.

The Kraken. Mythical sea monster from Norse mythology. The Kraken-- and sea monsters, in general-- are thought to be based on giant squid and/or octopi. Particularly before days when squid and octopi were understood, The Kraken was sometimes described as a "sea serpent". Crowley, in Aziraphale's sexual metaphor here, is The Kraken-- is the great, bigggg bugger who is:

"Supposed to rise up-- right up-- to the surface. At the end. When the sea boils." We're talking about Armageddon on the surface but we're talking about sex under the surface and The Kraken is a mythological being who does not exist, making this drunk conversation even funnier. Adam will manifest The Kraken into existence later on in the season-- but, prior to that, the actual Kraken was a myth. Aziraphale and Crowley both know that. Neither of them believe in The Kraken-the-sea-monster. Aziraphale is just using it as a joking sexual metaphor while they're drunk as all fuck to flirt with Crowley using their whole ocean-themed innuendo.

"The Kraken" is "supposed to rise up, right up, to the surface, at the end". The sea serpent going from the depths of the cold black sea to cresting the surface of the ocean at the end of days, which is Aziraphale using destructive sexual metaphor-- using disaster, death, apocalyptic terminology, etc. as a metaphor for sex. Armageddon is the end of days is a sexual climax. "The Kraken" rises to the surface of the ocean "at the end-- when the sea boils"-- when it becomes too hot and there's no other choice but for the sea serpent to come... to the surface. 😉

"There is a lot of 'underlying unspokenness' and it comes to the surface now and again." Michael Sheen quote describing the nature of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship in S1 in the interview below. I'd bet serious cash he's specifically thinking about The Kraken scene.

Thanks to @procrastiel for showing me the interview.

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"Well, that's mah point! Dolphins and whales-- whole sea bubbling-- hard to keep everybody from turning into bouilla--" Crowley's response to Aziraphale's The Kraken metaphor. Actually surprisingly witty at the start considering how drunk they are (it's their damn big whale brains hitting on something every few words lol.) It is, indeed, his point that Aziraphale is talking about-- his boiling point-- but Crowley uses "point" in the other meaning here as well (as in, "that's the point of what I was saying!").

"Whole sea bubbling-- hard to keep everybody from turning into bouilla--" Everybody, eh, Crowley? 😂I thought we were talking about fish being boiled in the end of days here? (Someone ought to get Crowley and Aziraphale to make videos explaining climate change lol.) These fish and dolphins and whales seem like they could be easily mistaken for people? Like, say, you and Aziraphale, hmm?When the whole sea gets bubbling and it's just too hot in here, it might, indeed, be hard to keep you both from turning into...

Bouillabaisse. A fish soup that is frequently referred to as a fish stew, which is what a drunk Crowley calls it. The dish is French and when Crowley is too drunk to get the word out, he keeps repeating the first half of it-- "bouilla"-- which comes from the French verb "bouillir", which means "to boil". He heard Aziraphale's "when the sea boils" and his mind took it to the fish joke of bouillabaisse. To boil is, of course, to cook something in very hot water.

Crowley is too drunk to get the word out in full and repeats the "boil" part of it, getting distracted at one point and calling Aziraphale "baby" while they make hilarious, drunk, kissy faces at one another, before redirecting it with "fish stew-- anyway! It's not their fault."

A bouillabaisse features at least two different kinds of fish cooked together and served alongside one another in the same bowl.

Bouillabaisse/A fish soup or stew (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). Climaxing together/simultaneous orgasm.

"Fish stew-- anyway! It's not their fault." The end of the 'bouillabaisse' portion of the scene and yes, it's not the fault of the actual fish that will be turned into bouillabaisse when the world ends but this is also Crowley thinking of Aziraphale's earlier "hereditary enemies" comment and saying again that it's not their fault, they didn't ask for this. Tossed drunkenly into this getting sloppy sexual metaphor, it's pretty funny as it's also saying wouldn't be their fault if they turn into bouillabaisse later as who could blame them? World ending, been waiting for days, bouilla bouilla baby...

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Good thing they sobered up because they were one more bottle of Chateauneuf-de-Pape away from just speak-singing "Under the Sea" at one another. Even the sturgeon and the ray, angel! They get the urge and start to play! That's *mah point*... 😂

"Heaven will finally triumph over Hell." One of the coded things that Aziraphale said to Crowley in the 1.01 St. James Park scene. While the surface layer of this conversation is about Armageddon, they're actually talking on the hidden layer about having not been able to be together the prior night. The key bit to this that I'm mentioning here is the use of the word "triumph"...

Triumph. A triumph is obviously a great victory or success but the history of the word is interesting. It originally meant a victory parade-- a processional-- held for a victorious general upon his return to ancient Rome. It was exclusive to Rome for a time as a word and still is how historians refer to that type of processional.

By using "triumph" in the St. James' Park scene, Aziraphale correlates the would-be sushi night with Rome.

Sushi. Raw fish mixed into vinegared rice, along with other ingredients. What Crowley and Aziraphale usually go out for in the modern era on their unofficial anniversary, which is the date of the first time they had sex in ancient Rome.

1,967. The number of years between the first time Crowley and Aziraphale had sex and when they were trying to meet to celebrate that special occasion in 2008 in 1.01. Armageddon: Round One began on their 1,967th anniversary. A reference to:

The 1967 scene, in which they talk about their relationship, and "dine at The Ritz" is said.

41. The number of years between Aziraphale suggesting they could one day "dine at The Ritz" in 1967 and when they did for the first time in 2008. A reference to:

The 41 A.D. scene in Rome, which shows how they first became lovers.

Well, with one caveat...

Hellfire and Holy Water. Substances produced by the physical corporations of angels and demons which are lethal to one another's "opposite kind"/"enemy." Aziraphale's body can make Holy Water, which could liquidate Crowley into non-existence. Crowley's body can make Hellfire, which could burn Aziraphale into the same.

As such, they spent some time concerned that each other's, em, "hellfire" and "holy water" might be harmful to one another, until they disproved this theory. This historical HIV allegory is alluded to in the "angel-demon, probably explode" Discorporated!Aziraphale scene in S1 (to "explode" also meaning to "explode a theory"-- to disprove it) and also in this scene here, in The Big Damn Sexual Metaphor that is The Bullet Catch:

Aziraphale's dry "just aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear," right?

So, how did they figure out that they wouldn't kill each other?

Kingdom of Wessex. 597 AD. The Camelot scene. Crowley and Aziraphale cross paths in the time of King Arthur and are so damn over canceling each other out at work. After Aziraphale rebuffs Crowley's initial proposal of basically quiet quitting Heaven & Hell-- just doing the paperwork and phoning it in-- because he thinks Michael will figure it out (not because he doesn't want to lol), the two part the scene without a resolution... but the 1601 scene provides that resolution for us via the reveal of The Arrangement.

Back in 597 A.D., after the scene we saw, Crowley and Aziraphale got creative in trying to find a solution to their work woes and wound up experimenting with what they had been told by Heaven regarding what their capabilities were. They uncovered that Crowley could still do blessings and Aziraphale could do temptations. So long as they kept pulling power from their respective head offices, it didn't matter what type of miracle they did and no one in Heaven or Hell figured it out. This then caused them to also realize that if they were biologically similar enough to be able to do the same miracles, then odds were high that they actually wouldn't hurt one another if they had more expansive sex and they decided to try it. They're both still here so obviously the end result was nothing but wahoo. What else is suggestive of this besides the already mentioned scenes? This one, in 1941:

Excalibur. King Arthur's sword. Excalibur's Chest. The famous swords-in-the-box magic trick, on sale at Goldstone's in 1941. Swords are as much sexual metaphor as guns. Note what's between them in the magic shop in 1941 when they agree to perform The Bullet Catch together that night, after a performance by The Ladies of Camelot:

This is part of the reason why they also use performing miracles as innuendo-- besides the fact that there is just a lot of material there lol. It's because it took them 556 years after Rome but they happened into figuring out Heaven's big secret and it freed them to boff each other senseless for the last *maths* 1,426 years as of S2 lol so it's kind of irresistible. An example is Aziraphale in S2 with "the 25 Lazari miracle you and I performed together the other night" which is on the surface, sure, about the miracle they did together to protect Gabriel but which Aziraphale makes actually sound like what they got up to the other night, probably the one before Gabriel arrived. He's talking about Muriel there for the Gabriel miracle but he's saying it with a tone of: I suspect that the angel is here to verify the miracle that was Sunday night. I'd imagine alarm bells must have been ringing in Heaven constantly since. You and I raised the damn dead, old serpent...

The Bullet Catch. A sexual metaphor for both "firsts"-- 41 A.D./Rome and 597 A.D./Kingdom of Wessex-- mashed together because they were similar... but also a metaphor for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship overall.

The Bullet Catch requires them to trust one another and be vulnerable with one another. It's only possible because of how much they trust in and care for one another. Crowley's ability to fire the gun in a way that won't kill Aziraphale-- which Aziraphale is trusting him to do-- means that Crowley has to trust himself to do it. He has to believe himself capable of it and that he can relax enough to do it. He only believes this because Aziraphale believes it about him and makes him feel safe enough to focus. Aziraphale's trust in him allows Crowley to trust both himself and Aziraphale while Aziraphale's trust in Crowley allows him to let Crowley in enough to let him see his insecurities and be loved in spite of them, something Aziraphale's self-doubts and imposter syndrome keep him from doing with other people. Crowley knows he's imperfect and loves him madly anyway, something Aziraphale has trouble doing with himself and which no one else in Heaven ever has. Crowley's faith in and love for Aziraphale give Aziraphale the confidence to live more freely and feel like he's among the professional conjurers and not just on the outside of life. Their trust in one another helps them trust each other and that self-trust opens them up to experiences with each other that lead to ever-deepening trust of one another that lifts them both in a kind of feedback loop.

"Cheers for, um, getting me off the hook." Crowley thanking Aziraphale for helping him with the Mrs. H situation. He's more than aware that Aziraphale assisting with Crowley's broken alcohol bottles when alcohol = sex to them is more than a little metaphorical for their actual history and he chooses a fish reference as part of the thank you. "Cheers" is that British way of saying "thank you" but it's also obviously what people also say as a toast (which is also a word used to refer to warmed bread, which is also related to partnered sex in Ineffable Husbands Speak.) It's what Crowley actually says in 2019 at The Ritz at the end of S1 in the "Cheers. To the world." moment. Here, it's also a reference to the first time they did clink some glasses together in toast-- the "Salutaria" of ancient Rome. And what is this toast-y thank you of Crowley's for? For getting him off-- that is, for getting him "off the hook."

"Off the hook" refers to a caught fish being taken off the hook. It also became, over time, a phrase referring to communication, from the days of phones with cords. Leaving a phone "off the hook" meant that calls couldn't come through and communication couldn't be had. By 1941, the phrase would have roots in both origins and if we're talking about fish and telephones, we're talking about earlier in the evening in 1941 but we're also talking what it referenced to them symbolically about the past of their relationship. It is also absolutely why Aziraphale jumps on The Bullet Catch as his grand gesture once they get to the magic shop-- he sees a way to continue the metaphor that they're both more than aware of.

It also makes it a thousand times funnier then that poor Aziraphale essentially makes the same assumption about demonic life twice over a bazillion years apart. He thought The Bullet Catch would be a no-brainer, fun thing for them to do because he assumed that Crowley had fired a gun before, only to discover that this was now actually Rome all over again because while Aziraphale has a firearms license and a Derringer hidden in a hollowed-out book in the bookshop, this metaphor was suddenly way too on point because Crowley hasn't fired a gun with someone else around before-- in this case, at all, actually. His dry as all fuck "not as such" response to Aziraphale is well, we both know I've fired the metaphorical gun this rifle is standing in for here but yeah, no, I have no idea how to shoot this thing and I was going to miracle you safe and now those aren't working either so I have to do this for real and I'll just be over here trying not to have a panic attack...

Talking. Making sure the telephone is not off the hook is obviously always a good thing with everyone one trusts around them in life. In a relationship context, feeling safe enough to talk openly with your partner about things which make you feel vulnerable is the mark of a trust and what allows for deep intimacy. Talking in bed-- not just checking in with a partner but talking beyond that-- is a therapeutic intervention for anorgasmia, as it helps someone suffering from it to stay present in the moment. Tends to work in general but even more so if the person involved likes chat in bed as a whole, which a couple of scenes suggest Crowley does (the evolution of it into also some extra spicy chat in the "Seeds of Destruction" scene in S1 and his self-deprecating "you just say 'blah blah blah'" moment in S2.)

"We need to talk." What Crowley says in 1.01 when he calls Aziraphale from a corded public pay phone. This is the first time that Crowley and Aziraphale talk in the present, even if they're in separate locations, and the first time we've seen them interact since the opening scene of the show of them on the wall in Eden. We've spent the first part of the 2008 minisode re-introduced to them separately, not yet fully aware of how they were supposed to be together during it. Crowley doesn't wait until he's back in Mayfair after dropping off the antichrist baby-- he calls Aziraphale from the nearest payphone. He says "we need to talk", a phrase that is, for many, a relationship cliche that comes with a sense of the foreboding but we will learn from this scene also means other things to them.

For one thing, it's a code phrase that automatically triggers them to meet the next day at noon at St. James' Park. If one of them calls and says they "need to talk", they know that it means to meet the next day and when and where. This one they know a lot better than their four million alternative rendezvous spots, as we saw in that other scene in S1 when they set up meeting in the bandstand over the phone. Because it triggers St. James' Park, it means that the initial talk will be all coded in their hidden language, as that scene in 1.01 was, but that is also a form of communication for them and a kind that they actually enjoy.

For another thing, it means that they need to talk in general-- that something is happening and they need to talk about it, as was the case with Armageddon. At the time that they have this phone conversation, they don't yet know that one another already knows about Armageddon starting. We know from all the contextual clues we've already looked at here that they were supposed to be having dinner together earlier and that they also can't say that over the phone so when Aziraphale says: "Yes, I rather think we do. I assume this is about....?" there's a dryness to Aziraphale's tone because a form of talking was already on the menu. Sushi night is Rome and Rome had talking so, yeah, Aziraphale rather does think they need to talk-- to fuck-- and also Armageddon just started so they'll need to actually talk-talk about that as well at some point.

Crowley's response to what it's about, though, is destructive sexual metaphor. What do they need to talk about, on all levels, summed up by Crowley in a word?

"Armageddon." Armageddon: the actual end of the world and Armageddon: their big damn anniversary sex. The Big One. It's an apology of sorts for Hell detaining him and a request that they meet tomorrow.

The scene ends with Crowley placing the phone back on the hook-- indicative of understood, secure communication, the likes of which will be on display in the following scenes of the 2008 minisode.

Talking (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). Both verbal communication and physical communication. Talking means speaking. Talking also means making love.

"Trust me." What Aziraphale mouths at Crowley in 1941 to get him to be in the moment enough to be able to fire the gun. Absolutely one of the things Aziraphale said to Crowley to help him relax in Rome.

"I knew you'd come through for me. You always do."

Aziraphale pouring Crowley another glass of wine (and alcohol = sex) and the wordplay kink out here in full force as there are three levels of meaning happening at once. Surface level is about their success with The Bullet Catch earlier in the evening. Aziraphale knew Crowley would come through for him-- "come through" in the sense of he can always rely upon Crowley to be there for him when he needs him to be.

To "come through" something, though, is also to get through to the other side of something-- to have been able to pull through a difficult time or a struggle-- and refers to Crowley always coming out of dark periods and not giving up. But there's really also the third meaning, which is just the direct innuendo:

Some serious 'tone of voice' at play in this bit here performing a little magic trick and making that 'through' disappear right out of first sentence lol, turning it into: I knew you'd come for me. You always do.

Aziraphale's never going to stop being thrilled at their Roman triumph here and is still happy to remind Crowley in 1941 that they both know Aziraphale just does it for him.

"Well, you said 'trust me', so..."

Just prior to this, Aziraphale had been telling Crowley the magic words he silently said to keep the photo of them from Furfur (more fish-- "bananafish").

"Well, you said 'trust me'..." is Crowley saying "well, you said my magic words, so..." Aziraphale invoked Rome and talked to him so he got there.

"And you did." And Crowley did trust him, so it worked.

Aziraphale, though, is not just thinking about earlier that night in that moment in 1941 when he's staring off, reminiscing, before looking at Crowley like that...

...he's thinking about Rome.

"To drain the whole sea/Get something shiny..." Lyrics from Hozier's "Take Me to Church", pretty uniformly agreed as the most Crowley song that has ever Crowley songed, and which is on his official playlist in S2.

Pearls. The shiny things found in the sea. The jewels harvested from within the opened protective shell left behind by emerged oysters.

The original post referred to a bit in this one:

#ineffable husbands #ineffable husbands speak #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #spicy omens #tw sa #tw trauma #tw ptsd #crowley x aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #long meta

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wannaeatramyeon · 11 months

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Hi~ can I request "committed relationship with lookism boys" headcannons (such as samuel, jake, gun, eli)? Sorry if it's too much and thank you in advance! 💙

Hi anon, thanks for the ask and sorry for the delay! Of course you can but how dare you leave off our Goofy and also Viiiin. I've got quite a few hc floating around (latest one here for almost everyone). Let's do committed committed though.

Do I have to mention that I hc most of the Lookism guys as romantics in their own way?

Lookism Boys in committed relationships (longer term etc.)

The usual - Sammy, Jake, Gun, Eli, Goo, Vin

Samuel Seo

Being in a committed relationship, or really a relationship at all isn't something he has thought much about but with the right person it can work.

He wants the whole thing - engagement, marriage, kids.

Proposal would be something more traditional and romantic than you would expect.

Likely booking out the fanciest restaurant, enjoying a candlelit dinner followed shortly with Sammy down on one knee with a diamond ring the size of your fist.

Honestly, everything would be a little bit of a spectacle. Used as much to express his love to you as well as his power and status so it's not going to be quiet or chill.

Wants someone that will stay by his side and wants all the formalities to go with it.

The piece of paper saying you're legally married, in sickness and in health, for better or worse would mean a lot to him, though he would never express it.

As always with this guy, fingers crossed he's had a buttload of therapy especially before any kids come along.

Jake Kim

Hmm, let's leave anything longer term until after he retires from Big Deal.

Obviously a romantic, though he does not want a repeat of his dad, where he leaves you at home and he's off gallivanting doing gangster shit.

It goes without saying but to clarify: Jake is a one woman man. If he's in a relationship with you, nothing will ever make him turn his head.

Like Sammy, wants to experience everything with you by his side. The marriage, the kids, the growing old together.

As the head of Big Deal though, he knows that he would not be able to give you the attention you deserve.

Doesn't ask you to wait for him, he could never get in the way of your happiness though he desperately wishes that you would.

And of course you do, it's Jake!

Meeting his mother, that force of a woman, wife of Gapryong Kim, might be the most intimidating experience of your life. You leave in awe and a little in love with her yourself.

Gun Park

Actually did think marriage would be on the cards, although one of convenience rather than love.

(It would come as a very pleasant and welcome surprise that his life turns out that way.)

If it was an arranged/convenient marriage then you'll barely see him tbh. And he would expect an open marriage.

If Gun loves you, then this guy is traditional as hell in a committed relationship, and a romantic too.

Will get you a gifts sent to your work, bouquet of roses, or just buy you something because it reminds him of you. Remembers anniversaries and make sure there is something special prepared.

That antique necklace you said you liked in passing? It's on your pillow the next day. That place you said you wanted to see? You're going that weekend.

Yes to engagement, yes to marriage, yes to kids.

The proposal would be something very specific and sentimental to you both. The wedding, less so. He has a lot of customs he would need to follow being head of the Yamazaki Clan and Gun being who he is.

With kids, doesn't matter what gender, Gun would mould them to be his masterpiece.

Eli Jang

Quite honestly didn't expect a long term or committed relationship to be on the cards. (He should really be focusing on Yenna instead of gallivanting around playing loan shark with 5A - ahem).

Most responsible parents would take a while before introducing you to their kid, but with Eli - has the vibe that oh shit something has come up with 5A and will dump Yenna on you.

What can I say, it's been obvious that this guy's logic and critical thinking isn't his strong point.

Doesn't really care for all the formalities of long term relationships, the expectation of marriage but isn't opposed to it. Besides, it would be good to have the extra bit of added stability for Yenna.

Would have a small intimate wedding with just the nearest and dearest.

Likely to also get a couples tattoo too (have you seen the H on his FOREHEAD? That guy is BOLD.)

Can't imagine him actually wanting more kids, the first time round was traumatic enough.

However, if you really want more then he will consider it. Especially because it would be pretty cute for Yenna to be the older sis.

Goo Kim

Hard to get this guy to commit to you in the first place. He generally only has one thought: mind on his money and money on his mind.

Will be hard for this guy to admit his feelings for you, and whether he truly misses you or if it's just his clingy nature.

Once in a relationship, expect to be spoiled. What's the point of making all this if you can't enjoy it? And even though the gifts might not be to your taste (and in all honesty, pretty ostentatious), it's the thought that counts.

With long term plans, Goo is pretty easy-going and happy to go with the flow.

If you want to get married, just say the word. A little backyard wedding or hiring the most expensive wedding in Seoul - go for it.

Want a lil sparkle on your ring finger or none at all, also fine too.

Hint: best wedding present for him? Get him some swords.

Fence-sitter with kids, but if you want them then he can be swayed. Let's just enjoy more of our youth and our freedom first.

Vin Jin

Ahhh he's a secret cheeseball. Although maybe it's not so secret. He is SOFT for you, in his own standoffish way. Thinks he's cool about it but it's obvious to everyone.

Doesn't think too much long term and doesn't feel the need to get married. He's committed to you, he shows you, he tells you and feels that that's enough.

More likely for you guys to get hitched with a quickie wedding where you may or may not be drunk.

And then the morning after and nursing a hangover, Vin thinks huh. This is sorta nice.

You guys don't really do the engagement ring or wedding ring thing. There'll be something just as sentimental like a couples necklace.

Besides, who wouldn't be able to tell you're together with your constant couple outfits.

Kids? Ehh. Vin likes the idea of them but not the responsibility. If it'll happen, it'll happen.

#lookism #lookism x reader #lookism hc #gun park #gun park x reader #samuel seo #samuel seo x reader #eli jang #eli jang x reader #jake kim #jake kim x reader #goo kim #goo kim x reader #vin jin #vin jin x reader #wannaeatramyeon

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 4 months

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01/24/24 OFMD Daily Recap

TLDR; Cast and Crew Sightings with clowning; UK News; Wee John Wednesday; RenewAsACrewUpdates; NewTwitter Resource: @AdoptOurCrew; Pirate Omens Watch Party; LubeAsACrew; The Queerties; Petition Status; Final Notes; Love Notes; Rhys & Rosie's Anniversary;

==Cast and Crew Sightings==

David Jenkins got the clowning going really early this morning with a picture of a red sunrise, playing the song "New York Groove" by Ace Frehley.

There's been a lot of speculation (obviously we don't know what it means for sure) but the current fan theories going around are:

1. "Red Skies In Morning, Sailor's Take Warning" which Djenkins previously posted prior to a new OFMD Trailer being released back in Sept. Thanks @saltpepperbeard!

2. Some folks think that the Red color is to help indicate Netflix as it is very similar to their signature red. @_Irene_Adler

3. Others are going towards the AppleTV route since out in sunnyside queens, there is an Apple building nearby. @skrifores

Do we actually know? Nope, just conjecture, but it left people wanting to target Netflix and AppleTV more today in terms of hashtags. Which is great cause the Pirate Omens Focused on PrimeVideo in the afternoon.

=Con O'Neil Updated his Instagram, and David Fane commented =

==Ruibo Qian also made a profound update on IG==

"Amplifying positive intent toward a paradigm is what solidifies it into live experience".

Take these updates as you will, but one nice thing about being broken apart from Max is we're starting to see the crew reach out again, and all of it seems to be in somewhat of a positive direction.

==More UK News!==

Today’s news from the UK 24 January 2024 - by @lamentus1

We have a date!! The most amazing news! Season 2 will be available to watch in the UK on BBCiPlayer from Monday 4 February!!! The arrival of season two in the UK will give us an opportunity to organise some attention grabbing events around the show. We’ll keep you posted!

=Convention news=

Starfury Conventions is considering holding an Our Flag Means Death convention here in the UK! We need to show how much interest there is in the idea, so make sure you vote in their poll.

Vote here: https://x.com/starfuryevents/status/1750149921880059968 Make sure they know just how interested we are!

**Note from @gentlebeardsbarngrill: If you are avoiding twitter and need someone to log in and for for you, I have lots of extra twitter handles, just shoot me a DM with what answer you wanna choose and I'll vote on your behalf.**

=Previous Access Poll=

After a week and 986 votes the poll is closed and we can confidently state that 36.5% of fans can’t even watch Our Flag Means Death season 2 in their country yet! This is more than a third of the dedicated fandom not even able to watch the second season, and yet look at how passionate we all are about renewal. Imagine how that will grow when the second season is shown in those countries that have missed out so far.

The poll is here: @lamentus1 Are you able to watch Season 2?

While this last piece isn't SPECIFICALLY for the UK, it is being run in UK time zone so may be a bit harder for some US folks to join in.

== Wee John Wednesday is back! ==

EDIT: hey all, my sick brain messed this one up, Kristian announced on twitter he was gonna reboot wee john weds and I went to IG cause I wanted to get the link and apparently linked an old IG post. Sorry about the confusion! It hasnt been announced when it will start yet. Thank you to @wastingyourgum for the correction!

== Renew As A Crew News ===

So I was a little hesitant to post this, but I'd like you to read it and then read my notes below. This was posted in the Renew As A Crew Public Discord (If someone actually has access to that can you please invite me? I can dm you my creds, I'd rather get it from the source then bugging people).

So, essentially, right now they are considering not keeping the Renew As A Crew "brand" if a team internally doesn't step up within the next two weeks. Several volunteers have expressed their concern with this (as Renew As A Crew is already popular and news sites know about it). I have it on good authority that even though this was posted, other volunteers are trying to change that so we can maintain that Renew As A Crew brand. So if you happen to see this floating around -- please understand this is still up in the air-- so please don't lose hope or worry too much about this just yet.

==New Resource Group on Twitter ==

@adoptourcrew on twitter is trying to keep threads available with compiled resources (similar to these recaps and daily task lists) if you are in fact on twitter, they're a good resource for up to date information. There's been some questions on "who are they!" well they're a fan led group (much like the rest of the campaign) and they will not be focusing on collecting money of any kind, they are an information group. They may suggest fundraisers, but as of right now, no money is exchanging hands with them. So please feel free to check them out here.

== Pirate Omens Watch Party ==

Another fun day of watching good omens with Pirates and Omens fans alike. On to Season 2 tomorrow.

== Lube As a Crew ==

Still making waves all. Thanks @_Irene_Adler for posting this

=== The Queerties! ===

If you have a moment, feel free to head over to the queerties page and do some voting for OFMD! It is.. a really long list, and OFMD only qualifies for two (Vico Oritiz and OFMD in general), but if you have a few minutes it'd help out. It'd be great to at least get those two voted for!

Vote

===Petition Status===

We're so very close to 80K all!

== Some Final Notes ==

So something I noticed today is that we're not trending as much across all the platforms. On twitter, AdoptOurCrew was sticking to 30-35K per 24 hr period for several days, but now it's down to about 24K. We're down to #2 on Max, and the engagement score has gone down quite a bit. Now that might seem like a bad thing. That might seem like we're losing momentum. But I'd like to offer a different perspective. People are taking breaks. People are still directing their efforts on making things more efficient, and compiling information. People are doing more with less -- higher quality tweets, instagram messages, etc. I know that tumblr isn't really being counted high in those stats that tv companies look at, but Im seeing more people interact and delve deep into analysis of things and hashtags are being used. But most of all I'm seeing people take breaks, whether it's in the global strike for Palestine, or just taking some time to recoup.

Not every day is going to be record breaking, nor should it be, because if it was, it'd be people-breaking too. Take it from someone who's worked on 8 month long quality assurance projects, you're gonna have some down days, and that's a good thing.

We've done SO much in so little amount of time, and with David Jenkins and Ruibo Qian posting uplifting things...they see everything we've done, and while they can't tell us if S3 has been adopted, they are sending love. I don't wanna read too much into it conspiracy wise, but I've seen David multiple times over the past few days post RIGHT when things are getting chaotic across all the platforms. He's watching and he's rooting for us. Don't give up hope, but take this time to take a break. Relax, do something creative and fun that you love. Come back when you're feeling refreshed. We'll get there.

=== How To Help ===

If you are still out doing things for the campaign, here's a reminder on how to help (This is not a directive but a guide for when you come back) How To Help Save OFMD Task List - US How to Help Save OFMD Task List - Outside US

== LOVE NOTEEEES ==

Did you know that you're beautiful? When I say beautiful I mean the non-gendered version. You're like really beautiful, inside and out. Seriously look at you. I can feel your beauty miles and miles away through a computer screen, that's how friggn beautiful you are! You're just such a great fucking person and you should be proud of that. You're gorgeous, and beautiful in all ways, and you deserve to be happy lovelies. As always, love you crew, rest up tonight/today.

=================

Well apparently today is Rhys an Rosie's 20th Anniversary! So tonight's Rhys picture will feature Rosie and her lovely letter of love to our favorite dude.

#ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #ofmd #our flag means death #save ofmd #rhys darby #rosie carnahan darby #renew as a crew #save our flag means death #david jenkins #ruibo qian #con o’neill #ofmd uk #queerties #lube as a crew #pirate omens

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buckybarnesb-tch · 8 months

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Mikaelson’s Party Pt.1

Warning: This is a Human A/B/O fic you are about to read, it contains Omegaverse Dynamics as well as mentions of Non-Con and abuse.

Read at your own risk

Their parents had gone on vacation for their 25th wedding anniversary and that weekend as Mikael had wanted to take his wife on a couples retreat for older Beta couples, It was the perfect time for Elijah to decide to throw a party. He’s a Sophomore in college and the campus was only 15 minutes from his house giving him the perfect place to have people over, nearly his whole class as well as Freshmen coming, his Beta Katherine having talked him into it as Elijah wasn’t a rule breaker but he would do anything for his mate. The house was packed, drunk college students everywhere and despite his attempts, he couldn’t get his siblings to stay upstairs. Rebekah was making friends with popular Beta girls, Kol was completely stoned with some burn outs in the backyard and Klaus was enjoying his night, watching drunken idiots do stupid shit. Thanks to Klaus’ Alpha status, something he was alone with in his family full of Betas (Betas taking up something like 80% of the population, Alphas at 19 and Omegas at less than 1), most of the kids left him alone or just gave him the odd stare. Alphas weren’t as common as they used to be but there were still plenty of them, though most of them tended to flock together, Klaus however was just happier alone. As an 18 year old Alpha that hadn’t yet found his mate he was always the odd one out, at school and at home, being alone was just more comfortable…even if he secretly hoped he would have a mate that wanted to be around him all the time. Often he even indulged himself in dreaming of finding an Omega mate to spend his life with, though he had been teased about that at a young age, his own family having a good laugh about the impossible idea.

Elijah had joined some of his friends in an intense game of beer pong without a care in the world, having already hired a cleaning crew to come the next morning and make sure everything was back in place. If nothing else, Elijah always thought ahead.

Klaus’ night took a turn somewhere around midnight as he refilled his drink at the make-shift bar, seeing some football players in the corner, laughing at something. It wasn’t until he heard a girl screaming at them that he moved closer, seeing a beautiful girl trying to shove their hands off of her body as they pulled at her shirt, clearly all drunk beyond belief. His body froze before he could step in, her sweet scent washing over him though it was mixed with something bland that he couldn’t place, the scent rushed through every nerve ending in his body sending a buzzing vibration through his extremities, up to his brain and almost violently into his cock. It was as he felt the growl build in his chest and explode out quite loudly that his body listened and moved again, the entire room freezing and looking at him now.

‘That’s enough!’ He snarled, moving between two of them and grabbing the girls hand, pulling her towards him. The largest one grabbed her arm tightly, holding her back from moving away.

‘Who the fuck are you? Get lost kid-‘

‘What the Fuck did you just say to me?!’ He growled, his chest now releasing a constant threatening noise as he glared at this moron Beta who would Dare challenge an Alpha, younger than him or not. ‘I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re just drunk as fuck here, first of all I’m not a kid! I’m 18, I’m Elijah’s brother, this is my house, and despite being drunk myself I still know better that to be molesting a girl at a party while she screams “no” at me. Shove it up your ass and let her go. Now! Or you’ll be wishing you weren’t so God damn stupid when you wake up in the ER next week!’ No one moved for a moment and Klaus could see the girl wincing as his grip got tighter before he rolled his eyes and let go.

‘Whatever man, the ugly bitch is a fucking prude anyway. She’s all yours.’ With that, they were gone and Klaus held the girls hand, pulling her after him gently and getting a cold pack from the freezer before guiding her down the stairs to his room, unlocking the door that he had ensured no one could get into.

‘Come on in, no one will bother you down here. It’s also relatively sound proof, so at least that God awful music stops.’ He joked as he tried to calm her as he could smell her fear, sitting beside her on the couch and wrapping the ice pack around her arm.

‘Thank God, I thought there was no escaping it.’ She giggled, still stiff and uncomfortable but the sound made him smile. ‘Thank you for helping me, they’re these frat jerks who have been fucking with me since the start of term…never thought they would do something like that though.’ Klaus could tell she had been drinking but she also wasn’t so drunk she wasn’t thinking straight which was a comfort for him at the moment, seeing how she held his hand so tightly that she felt something between them too.

‘Why are they bothering you?’ He wondered and she sighed, leaning back into the couch.

‘I have classes with them and I’m quiet, honestly I think it started as a dare to go out with the shy girl who never talked to anyone. When I ignored all of them, they got more…pushy…they started following me around and teasing me. I guess they thought since it wasn’t on campus they could do what they wanted, and assholes mixed with alcohol is a terrible combo. Eventually they’ll get bored and find some other poor Beta to bother but until then, I ignore them.’ Klaus couldn’t explain why this upset him so much. He felt a rage bubbling up in him that was wild and angry, he hated men that tried to force themselves on women of course, he found it disgusting but his anger was white hot and he wanted to go kill those assholes who thought they could harm this girl…his girl…his Omega.

The thought rushed through his head at 100 miles an hour but as he took in her scent again he knew. He had never smelled an Omega before, never being close enough to one not on suppressants, but he knew. ‘I’ll kill them. I will slaughter them for touching you Omega.’ He pressed his lips to the back of her hand, not moving any closer as he wanted to give her space, not knowing how she was feeling right now as she was clearly tipsy and from the bland smell trying to cover her scent, she was on suppressants too. Klaus only smelled through them because she was his mate, and an Omega cannot hide their full scent from their true Alpha.

‘Please don’t hurt me?’ She whispered, clearly nervous but unable to hide her interest in his scent as she leaned almost subconsciously closer to his neck.

‘Hurt you? Never…you’re my Omega. I…I want to be a good Alpha for you, I’ve been looking for…I’ve been hoping for…fuck!’ He didn’t know how to say what he wanted to, not knowing what would upset her and what wouldn’t.

A moment later, after wracking his brain for something to say to relax her he felt the couch move as she pushed herself closer to him and held onto his arm with both of her hands. ‘What have you been hoping for?’ She looked at him so sweetly and while he could still feel her discomfort, she wasn’t as scared as she had been and he relaxed himself a bit.

‘I’ve been hoping to find my mate…Beta, Alpha, Omega, it didn’t matter to me, I just wanted someone to…love? I-I feel like I’ve always been alone, my family doesn’t understand me, they think I’m just some stupid Alpha who’s never going to amount to anything, and I always wanted you…someone with that perfect scent who would be the best person for me. I was really starting to think-‘

‘-you didn’t exist…me too.’ She admitted, shyly looking up at him and Klaus tucked her hair behind her ear with his free arm that she wasn’t holding. ‘My family always made me feel useless. My two brothers are Alphas and my dad was so proud…then he gets an Omega daughter that he has to hide, has to pay money for medication to make sure I’m safe and…honestly I don’t think he really cares what happens to me, none of them do.’ Klaus could feel her pain and he wondered for a brief second if she could feel his, answering his own question as he knew she could, holding her hands in his own and staring straight into her eyes. ‘I hoped I would find an Alpha who wanted me as badly as I wanted them…’

‘I do…I really do. I-‘ he cut himself off, taking a breath before leaning in and giving her several seconds to pull away if she wanted to, pressing his lips to her soft ones and feeling as if fireworks were exploding in his body. Not just his stomach but his brain, his arms and legs, everything felt on fire in the most wonderful way possible and he loved it. Suddenly she moved, pushing him back against the couch and climbing into his lap, allowing him to hold her to him tightly, their lips molding together passionately. Her fingers pulled at his blond locks and his hands squeezed her waist before she suddenly ground her body down against his, his cock already painfully hard and needy. ‘Wait!’ He gasped and she pulled back, fear in her eyes but he just smiled. ‘I’m Klaus by the way.’ He introduced, finding hilarity in the fact that names hadn’t been important when they already felt they knew everything about each other.

‘Y/n, nice to meet you Alpha.’ She giggled and he groaned.

‘You’re killing me Omega.’ He tugged her back into their harsh kiss before hoisting her up and moving them to his bed and crawling over her, lips traveling down to her neck while she pulled his shirt over his head and just as she moved to grab hers he caught her hands.

‘What’s wrong?’ She asked, worriedly.

‘You’ve been drinking…we both have, I…I can’t do this while you’re drunk.’ She looked at him, stunned and in clear disbelief. ‘Stay…I’ll lend you some clothes and if you still want to tomorrow then I’ll mark you for everyone to see…I don’t want to hurt you Y/n.’

She paused for a second before nodding her head. ‘I understand…I would rather we both remember it too.’ She joked, kissing him again and moving to sit up. Klaus grabbed her a clean shirt and some boxers for her to wear, turning around as she changed before feeling her arms around his naked torso. ‘You’re really sweet, you know that, right?’ He shrugged, brushing it off but she stopped him as he sat on the bed, her standing between his legs and making him tilt his head to look up at her. ‘I mean it Klaus. Anyone else would have happily fucked me without a second thought…I always worried that’s what would happen to me anyway-‘

‘I will never let anyone else touch you! You’re safe Omega-‘

‘I know. I feel safe with you…you’re a good person Alpha. Fuck whatever your family has to say to you, you’re perfect and they need to get over themselves.’ She straddled his lap and kissed him again, hugging him tightly and snuggling into him as he pulled the blankets over the both of them and flicked off the lights, nuzzling his nose into his Omegas neck and happily allowing himself to drift off to sleep with her in his arms.

Waking up the next morning was comforting for the both of them, Y/n had buried her face into Klaus’ neck and he had his arms wrapped around her body firmly. As he woke he brushed her hair from her face and she blushed, yawning deeply before squeaking and jumping up. ‘Gotta pee!’ She exclaimed and he chuckled, checking the time and seeing that it was only 7am. Y/n fell back into the bed and snuggled back into his body, pulling the blankets around her snuggly and Klaus could instantly see her urge to nest as she was finally so close to her Alpha and not overwhelmed by the effects of alcohol.

‘Hold on.’ He told her, hopping up and opening his closet door to reveal several large blankets and a few pillows that he tossed onto the bed for her as well as a huge comforter. She instantly began fixing his bed just the way she wanted it and he was fascinated, never having seen a real nest before. Some Betas do it and they’re taught about it in school but every nest builder is different and seeing another couples nest is considered very rude. It’s personal. The idea of that was nice to Klaus, knowing no one else would ever see their nest was a wonderful thought. ‘This is wonderful Omega, it looks incredibly comfortable.’ She grinned, nodding her head.

‘Snuggle Alpha.’ She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the intricately molded nest and it truly was incredibly comfortable. Klaus held her body to his chest tightly, his instincts to keep her close to him-especially until she is marked-feeling overwhelming. ‘Can we just stay here forever?’ She asked suddenly and he smiled.

‘I think I would much prefer having our own place where my brothers and sister can’t walk down here and pound on my door whenever they want…would-I mean, would you want to live with me?’ Y/n raised her eyebrows and he could feel her asking him if he was stupid. ‘Right, well my father left me everything when he died a few years ago. There’s a house about 20 miles away that…I mean if you wanted to-‘ She took his face into her hands and kissed him hard, excitement swirling through their as of yet incomplete bond and if this is how strong it is already he can’t imagine what he will feel from and for her once it is and Klaus has never been more happy. ‘I’m going to take care of you Omega, everything you’ve ever wanted, you’re gonna have it!’ He grinned, leaning close and kissing her neck right over her scent gland which cause a sound to trill from her throat that Klaus had only ever heard of…his mate was purring. ‘That’s the loveliest sound I’ve ever heard Princess.’

‘Really? My family always thought it was annoying.’ She tried to play it off but he could see that it really bothered her.

‘I love it Omega, I want to hear it forever. You’re mine now, not theirs, whatever you want is yours.’ Klaus held his mate close and snuggled into the nest with her, drifting back to sleep fairly quickly, the both of them completely content for the first time in their lives.

There will be a part 2 of them moving in together and a smutty HEA🥰🥰

Part 2

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

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ichigoginchan · 9 months

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today is their 2nd wedding anniversary IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 🥹💚💛

SOURCE:

https://twitter.com/kusomoe59/status/1431109292795465730?t=bhBMdsoJgax_fXRn8l0XKQ&s=19

#one piece #sanji #zoro #roronoa zoro #black leg sanji #op zosan #zosan wedding anniversary #zosan

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crooked-wasteland · 9 months

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Okay, but like, what even is this writing?

Vivienne Madrano has the dreaded affliction of having too many characters, followed by too many ideas. And the logical narrative to link everything together to actually tell a story doesn't seem to be a high priority for her.

For starters, the main plot of the story is supposed to be the relationship between Stolas and Blitz, but every decision that has been made throughout the show has worked to decrease the interest in this plot and relationship. Let's just start at the beginning. The major interest was Blitz being an Imp while Stolas is a prince of the Ars Goetia.

The status discrepancy and how these two individuals came to be in contact was a long-standing source of intrigue that the show seemed very aware of. The first episode (actually the pilot) established a hostile relationship between the two, mainly on Blitz's side, as he was the one who obviously had the weaker position in the deal. If he refuses to sleep with Stolas, he loses the book. He loses the book. He loses his entire business. The pilot also estaished that the business was Blitz's chosen family and thus was an emotional point for his character.

Regardless of the problematic blackmail-ish pretense to the whole thing, it's a good launch pad. It would be interesting watching Stolas fall into true feelings for Blitz, or for Blitz to become aware of his own soft power within the dynamic and how much control he actually has over Stolas through his emotions. However, we never see Stolas fall in love. From LooLoo Land to Ozzie's, the relationship just is changed every time we see it. Even with the suggestions made in the bad trip sequence of Truth Seekers, we never have any actual understanding of how Blitz feels on the relationship. Is he afraid? Trapped? Does he ever realize his own strength in the dynamic? Is he resentful? It never actually settles in what the relationship actually is.

Instead, Madrano does what I think has to be the worst form of storytelling I have ever seen. Rather than watching the characters grow and become more complex, we are sent back in time to justify the relationship by contrivance. Somehow, being friends for a day over two decades prior is all the justification we need. It rewrites the earlier dynamic of Stolas using Blitz because he can to having it be that Blitz was Stolas' childhood crush. That this crush was so strong it persevered through deception, distance, and time for Stolas to immediately beg Blitz to have his way with him at his wedding anniversary party.

The complexity and intrigue on how this relationship was supposed to work was stripped of all depth and relevance. There is no journey for this relationship to take actually because they got along so well that one day, a quarter of a century ago, that their compatibility is all but assured to the viewers. There is nowhere for the relationship to actually go now, making it unnecessary to the plot while also being the primary focus of the plot.

It is a beyond fascinating faux pas that hasn't just derailed the main plot, but appears repeatedly as microcosms of everything wrong with the shows past, present, and future.

The upcoming episode has been rather highly anticipated on Twitter. However, there is an inevitable looming disappointment that hangs over the episode and thus the show at large. As it has yet to be released, this is solely speculation, but I am fairly confident in this assessment due to the trends thus far.

To be frank, this episode exists on the foundation of misunderstanding the narrative purpose of a character, namely Fizzarolli. Madrano suffers from the amateur affliction of over-creation mixed with under-exploration. While not every character needs an explicit purpose outside of expanding the world, a character to closely entwined with your main lead needs a very clear reason to being involved with the plot.

And that's where I feel this episode will crash and burn. There is no purpose to the existence of Fizzarolli. He did not need to exist for Blitz to have an unsuccessful performance career or his resentment to those who have success and fame. It adds nothing to the main character or their life.

Narratively speaking, it would make sense if Fizzarolli existed as a former or slighted love interest to Blitz who then can be used, not as a foil, but as a mirror for Blitz to be forced to contend. Because the point would then be to have Fizzarolli be the living embodiment of all of Blitz's past mistakes that he must reconcile before he and Stolas can be happy and grow their relationship.

Except, as previously mentioned, that is not a factor in the plot. The childhood friends trope between Blitz and Stolas makes this narrative unnecessary. Blitz and Stolas just are, and their conflicts are external threats (Octavia, Stella, Striker), not internal reflections of their worst tendencies. They are not at odds within themselves so much as they just seem to level up and change after every major emotional beat.

Less an MMO where you need to work for that next number through time and dedication to the world and character and more akin to those click bait ads where the most mundane change can completely alter their present self. It's unfulfilled.

Additionally, instead of focusing on the main cast, Madrano insists on reaching above her ability. To treat a minor side character as a main character is an event that is earned by first proving you understand your main characters, which has not been achieved. So, instead of experiencing the same story from the alternative perspective, it feels like a wholly new beginning unrelated to the previous concept. It feels unfinished on a narrative standpoint because the question remains, why is this story important to tell.

That's a very lean way of structuring any story, but lean is worlds better than what we are currently being fed. Bones and fat do not a hearty meal make. Learn to stand before we walk. Madrano hasn't learned quite how to crawl narratively speaking.

In Seeing Stars, the conflict between Stolas and Octavia is identical to Season 1's LooLoo Land. The one way it attempts to make up for the spiritual rerun is by trying to add a parallel secondary plot between Blitz and Loona. However, the problem between Stolas and Octavia is resolved with a simple "Whoops, I forgot" while Blitz and Loona never share a word about their problems. Rather, the episode justifies Loona's abuse of Blitz and misbehavior in general by basically saying "She's had a hard childhood". Showing a brief glimpse into said childhood for Blitz to feel guilty for attempting to set any kind of boundary and claim ownership of being the problem when, in reality he isn't the one in the wrong.

Loona is never given the opportunity to talk about herself either. Instead, she is the preaching mouthpiece for Madrano and Co to talk about how great these characters are without actually seeing any of them do those great things. Loona never speaks on herself and how insecure she feels or how she can't help but need to push Blitz's envelope constantly to feel any kind of security, waiting for him to abandon her like everyone else.

None of this is explored, instead implying that this understanding of the characters should be derived from engaging with their pasts rather than their present selves. We are not encouraged to want our characters to actively change, but to instead "remember the good times." We are not challenged to grow and adapt with age and experience, but instead should be allowed to remain the same and not be responsible for how our actions affect others.

The entire approach to character growth and complexity is antithetical to the mere definition of "Maturity".

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #vivienne medrano #vivziepop #this isnt how writing works #characters need growth

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creedslove · 10 months

Text

DESERVE IT - EPILOGUE ✨

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: it's our favorite couple's anniversary, they deserved a celebration and we deserved a glimpse into their lives.

• You can find the rest of this wonderful story on my MASTERLIST

Warnings: fluff, sexual tension, smut (oral m! receiving, piv), fluff and so much fluff

A/N: Hi besties, I know I promised this two weeks ago, but I wasn't in the right place to write for Javi in the last couple of weeks so I delayed this chapter a little because I didn't want to write something I didn't have feelings to add to. Luckily, Javi made his way back into my heart and the inspiration came back, so here's the result, I hope you enjoy it ❤️

8k words (I got carried away)

Javi checked his wristwatch and sighed relieved to see it was still early, he definitely didn't need to arrive late at work on his anniversary day, because that would mean he would have to compensate by staying late at the end of his shift. Which, overall, was usually very calm, as Laredo was a calm city. He barely remembered the last time he had to deal with a death, but it was probably when Leonid had a few too many at the bar and ended up crashing his truck against a cow that broke loose from one of the farms nearby. It was quite a ridiculous death but not only did the old guy die but also the cow too, and Javier as the chief of police had to show condolences to the family after treating the case with as much respect and tenacity as he would treat a murder case in Colombia.

Colombia, he always smiled whenever he thought of that country, the one he very often thought of as hell on Earth. It was nothing personal, he actually liked the country, the food, the culture and for a few years he loved the women there too, but he had ups and downs, and his downs weren't great, quite the opposite, they were traumatic, exhausting and very often made Javi dwell in a spiral of depressing thoughts and heavy drinking.

But his ups were the best, because it was Colombia that had given Javier his wife, you, and he would never trade that for anything in the world. It was that hot, distant country that had provided Javier with the love of his life, and there he was, three years after his wedding day, two kids later - Analuz Peña, two years old and nine-month-old Javier Gabriel Peña, your little Gabe - Javi could tell the whole world he was a happy married man.

Nowadays you and Javi weren't the hot gossip of Laredo anymore, of course people still did talk about the two of you, after all your husband ended up becoming a powerful man in the city and many women were envious of your status, they knew the two of you made decent money but you never spent on anything extravagant, it was a comfortable life, but what people liked to talk about was how happy you always seemed, how Javier had proved everyone wrong and took his marriage and fatherhood seriously. Besides, people had other subjects to talk about, such as how everyone had learned that Leonid, the guy who died in a crash with a cow happened to have two wives, who only learned about each other during the funeral which led the two women into a fight and Javi had to put an end to it.

Later that day, when he got home, you two had shared quite a few laughs at the odd situation, amused to know Laredo had other things to feel interested in.

Life was good for the two of you; you lived on a comfortable ranch, your husband provided to the point you didn't need to get a job, you could stay home with your kids, of course their grandpa very often spoiled them too much, but then, you couldn't complain as Chucho also spoiled you a lot. Your husband was loving, caring, handsome and still every bit of horny for you as he was when you two shared his bed every single night in a small, cramped apartment in Colombia.

It always baffled you to see how happy you became, how good life was to you, and well, even if you got down on your knees every night and thanked God for the family you were blessed with, it would probably not be enough, your babies were your life, and their daddy… wow, he was something else. You loved Javi with all your heart and you felt so proud of him for the man he became, how he overcame his fears, his traumas and was able to make you the happiest woman in the world. You two were meant to be and the clear sign of it was the beautiful family you had.

Analuz was probably the most loved little girl in the whole world, when her grandpa didn't linger around her the entire time, bringing her sliced apples, or ragdolls, or taking her to pet the animals, she was all around Javi. She loved her dada with all her little heart, always waiting up for him to arrive, even if he only got home after her bedtime and you had already tucked her in. She still waited for him, even if it was against the rules, but she needed to give Javi a hug before bed.

And your Javi simply melted. Whoever had met the infamous Agent Javier Peña during his Escobar years, could never imagine a two-year-old would have him around her tiny little finger. The man who helped to take down cartels, killed and arrested many, had to learn how to braid his daughter's soft, silky hair. He had to learn to be patient and sit through animation movies, to play with dolls and to read all the bedtime stories that had to do with fairies, princesses and mermaids.

And he did an outstanding job.

For your anniversary, you and Javi decided to stay home and spend time with your family, unlike the other years, you two wouldn't go out, even if you two had the tradition of going out for a nice meal and some love making. The reason why, had been Gabe's recent teething, which made him feverish and uncomfortable. Of course all you wanted was your baby boy to be alright, but you had already gone through the same thing with Analuz when she was tiny and you knew there wasn't much you could do other than give him the medicine and cuddle your baby until he felt better.

You still felt a little upset about not going on a date for your anniversary but you would never bother Javi with that, you two made a great team, but he also worked a lot and you didn't want to exhaust him more than he already was, between the long shifts in the police station and coming home to a feverish baby.

However, showing why Javier Peña deserved the title of best husband, he had surprised you a few days before your anniversary, announcing he'd invited your aunt to spend a few weeks with you on the ranch. Unlike your mom, your aunt was a kind, loving woman who actually recognized how wonderful Javier was, and embraced your new family as part of her own; being in Laredo with you when you first gave birth to Analuz and later on Gabe, and helping you for the first few weeks, knowing how rough they were especially for new parents like you and Javi were for the first time.

Also, the fact your aunt seemed to have a crush on Chucho might or might not have had to do with the fact she accepted your husband's invitation so quickly, being on the first flight to Laredo only two days later.

What your husband didn't know was that you had also planned a small anniversary surprise for him, as your aunt kindly accepted to watch the kids pretty much the whole day, you were able to put into practice what you had thought. Javi was a simple man, he loved sex and he loved sex with you, that was a part of your relationship that didn't lack, but you knew there was an even better taste to it if it was unexpected, to everyone who took a look at Javi, they would see a respectable man and a good cop, but in the sheets, you knew damn well the beast he was. Well, you and several girls from Laredo from his younger days, way before even going to Colombia, but that didn't matter nor bothered you, as your man didn't look at anyone but you.

So, to reward Javier Peña for being the best husband you could ask for, you had to come up with a plan, a simple one but one you were sure would please him. First thing was to leave home early in the morning, even before Javi to put your plan into practice, you'd asked your aunt to watch the kids and in case your husband had asked for you, you'd told her to say you had to go into town to find things for the special night you'd have but you wouldn't take very long to return, perhaps he would think it was kind of odd, but he also knew how much you loved celebrating your anniversaries, they were simply your favorite special days, the milestones of the best thing that ever happened to you.

Parking behind the station and walking in, with the excuse your husband had asked you to organize some things on his desk, the other cops knew better than to question you, the wife of the chief of police. You chuckled at that thought and closed the blinders, so you could change into more comfortable clothes.

When Javi parked his car and entered the station, he was welcomed by a few lazy 'good mornings' here and there. As Laredo was a calm city, the law enforcement team was also… calm, if he were nice about it, and lazy as fuck, if he were honest about it. If there was something those cops didn't like doing very much, was definitely working; perhaps because things were slow and they often didn't have to deal with nerve wracking situation, but still, after all the stress Javi went through in his narcos years, he was more than thankful to be worried about neighbors' quarrels or small thefts.

"Hey chief, there's a case for you because there's a woman waiting inside" officer Danny informed absent minded and turned his attention back to the small TV they kept in the office for entertainment.

Javier sighed heavily, what could be so important for someone to come after the chief of police so early in the morning?! He was ready to carry on with his day without any bumps on the road, he even ditched his uniform - actually Javier ditched the uniform after the first month of work and stuck with the suits just like he wore whenever he needed to see Messina at the Embassy. It gave him a real nice look, according to his very horny wife, and it was more comfortable to work. That being said, Javier decided to ditch his usual, Javier Peña trademark uniform and go for his tight jeans and pink shirt. He knew what that outfit did to you, and he was hoping he would get a glimpse of your 'appreciation' for that outfit, but unfortunately you'd been gone by the time he left home.

And that low-key annoyed him, it was your anniversary after all, he thought that was a special enough occasion to have some morning fuck. So what he really didn't need was having to deal with a grumpy old lady complaining about whatever it was Javier would probably not care at all, because he assumed that was the kind of woman who would be waiting for him.

"What can I do for you, ma'am?" He asked as he opened the door and entered his room, too busy focusing on his hot steamy mug of coffee to take a look at the small couch before he had the chance to close the window.

"I'm here to press charges against my husband, chief…" your voice hit him unexpectedly some of his coffee dripped out of his mug and hit the floor, at the same time he abruptly turned around to look at you; and the expression on his handsome face was priceless: big brown eyes widened and jaw on the floor at the sight of you waiting for him in his office, wearing nothing but a nightgown.

However, it wasn't just any nightgown, it was the same one you wore the very first time you slept with him, back in Colombia, that night you watched him stumbling and struggling to open the door, with his face completely bruised after getting himself into trouble.

It had become his favorite piece of clothing and you hadn't worn it in a while, but there you were, displaying your gorgeous body with that particular outfit in honor of your anniversary. He felt his blood going towards one direction, though his heart also warmed, thinking back on how you had taken care of him that night, being so gentle and understanding of his neediness, the way he asked you to sit on his lap, how he had craved your body after playing cat and mouse for so long. The way his skin burned with fever, and yet he had never felt better, because he was finally able to have the woman he loved in his arms for the very first time.

"W-what are you doing here?" He managed to ask after catching his breath, devouring you with his eyes as you stood up and walked to him, locking the door on your way towards the man "I already told you, chief… I wanna press charges against my husband…" you licked your lips as you stood in front of Javi, your hands on his shoulder, caressing them softly and unbuttoning his shirt with a smirk

"Rosado te sale tan bien, jefe" you whispered against his lips, but instead of kissing his lips, you went for his neck, your soft kisses running through his skin and causing goosebumps on him. Javi's hands held your hips, squeezing them softly as he pressed you against his body and you chuckled at the feeling of his hardening cock against your body.

"What's wrong with your husband, ma'am?" Javi finally got into the game, licking his lips and smirking softly "word in the streets says you're happily married"

"Well, I don't actually have a complaint, he's a nice guy… but I've got my eyes on the chief of police for a while now and I can't wait to have a taste of him too" you bit your lips and pulled Javier gently towards the chair, making it clear you wanted him to sit down on his chair.

He gladly obliged and swallowed, his eyes darkening with lust the moment you unbuttoned his shirt and kissed down his neck

"You know cariño, there's people outside, we don't wanna embarrass ourselves do we?

"If you don't to embarrass yourself, I strongly suggest you shut the fuck up chief" you winked at him and opened his fly, his cock was already rock hard under his jeans because of course Javier Peña was still going commando, that was a habit he would probably never abandon.

You got on your knees in front of him, a clear sign of submission and licked your lips at the sight of his thick cock growing harder in your hands. You took it by the base, moving it up and down and feeling it throbbing, you ran your tongue through his tip, tasting him and savoring his whimpers. Javier Peña could never resist a blowjob.

"Fuck Javi, do you know how much I love your fucking cock?" You asked and felt as he wrapped his hand around your hair pulling it and clenching his jaw "oh I know it mi amor, porque eres mi puta" he smirked and you nodded with innocent eyes before sinking your head onto his lap, taking his length as long as you could down your throat and using your hands to stroke his base and caress his balls. You bobbed your head up and down, giving your husband head, just as his employees were a few meters away from the two of you, the way Javi was holding back his moans so he wouldn't be loud, you just loved the affect you had on him, he was still yours, just as you were his and neither of you could fucking resist each other.

When you felt his balls quivering under your touch, you knew he was close, it was just a matter of time for Javi to reach his bliss, so you fastened your pace, resting your hands on his thighs which shook slightly the moment his orgasm came and you welcomed his load into your mouth swallowing it like the obedient good wife you were.

Javi panted, his hands left your hair and gripped the sides of his chair, looking down at you and helping you up, pulling your body towards his and having you sitting on his lap. He hungrily kissed you, tasting himself in your lips, at the same time he calmed down. His fingers worked the straps of your gown down your shoulders and the thin cloth fell, revealing your nakedness underneath.

"Fuck cariño, you're gonna kill me, you know that?" He whispered against your skin, his lips touching your shoulder, trailing a path of affection that led to your breasts. You whimpered at the feeling of his tongue toying with your nipples, one at a time, whereas his fingers found their way down your core, spreading your soaked pussy lips apart and gently brushing against your clit. You closed your eyes at his touch, your knees still weak for Javier no matter if the years had passed and if you were a married couple, he still had the same effect on you as he did when he was just the forbidden fruit from Colombia.

The way you whimpered with pleasure caused his cock to go rock hard in no time, his fingers deep in your pussy now, seeing how prepared you were for him, so Javi lifted you up and bent you over his desk, sliding his cock into you, making you take him inch by inch as he fucked you in his police station. He played with your clit at the same place he moved his hips in sync with yours, your walls squeezing him and the sounds of skin slapping against skin were almost as obscene as the muffled pleasure sounds that came from the two of you. It didn't take long for you to cum and milking his cock at the same time, you welcomed the second load of his thick cum inside, clenching your pussy so you'd keep all of it in there. Perhaps you would also welcome baby Peña number three after that, or maybe not; it didn't really matter, you and Javi were already happy, with another kid or not.

•••

By noon, you were back home; of course you didn't want to leave Javi, but you had to, after all, he needed to work or pretend he was working, while he recovered from your morning round in his office. Besides, you two would have more time together in the evening, and by then, the kids also needed their mom, especially Gabe who was going through his teething phase. It was no secret Gabe was a mama's boy and Analuz was a daddy girl, of course your daughter loved you as much as you loved her, but no one could ever top Javier in her little heart; her grandpa Chucho came closer, as he was all the time spoiling her and doing anything she wanted, he'd loved his grandkids ever since they were tiny seeds in your womb, feeling happy and proud of the man his son became because of you.

From the moment Analuz heard the engine of your car, she rushed outside, a bolt of excitement running through her little body in hopes to see her daddy arriving, she hoped you'd bring him for lunch.

"Mommy!!!" She squealed and ran through the grass to meet you once you got out of the car, and you just admired your beautiful daughter. Whenever she ran freely through the green fields she did look like a butterfly, no wonder Javi would constantly call her 'mariposa'. She hugged you tight but her eyes wandered all over the place, in hopes to see her daddy and her disappointed face when she realized he wouldn't come for lunch, was adorable. If you had a camera, you would've snapped a picture right there, as you were sure Javi's heart would burst with love and pride to see his little mariposa so sad he wasn't around.

"I'm sorry baby, daddy is busy and he isn't coming for lunch today… did you behave well with auntie Adelaide?" Analuz nodded with her honest, beautiful brown eyes. She had so much from her dad, it was impressive. The way she sometimes pouted or how she tilted her head, it was all Javi.

"And what about Gabe?"

"Gabe cwied, mommy!" She informed quickly. Analuz had trouble saying her Rs, something common for her age which Javi confessed to you he was scared to death the day she would be able to pronounce it correctly, because that would mean his mariposita was growing up.

You nodded and picked her up, walking back inside with her and being greeted by Chucho "hey mijita! All this came up through the mail for you" he pointed at the box and the couple of letters on the table as he extended his arms for his granddaughter, who of course, didn't hesitate in going with her grandpa.

You nodded at him and promised you'd be right back, wanting to take a look at your baby boy first, your heart yearning for your kids, first your beautiful mariposa, and then your sweet Gabe. You walked into his room and found him there, sleeping peacefully in his crib, your heart clenched in your chest just at the realization of how much you loved him, he was such a sweet and well-behaved baby, he never fussed or cried unless he was in pain, and those his cheeks were reddish, you touched his soft face and breathed relieved he wasn't sick anymore. You grabbed his chubby hand and pecked it gently, not wanting to disturb your son from his peaceful sleep.

As you returned to the kitchen, you could listen to Analuz and Chucho, he held her, telling her all about the fun afternoon they would have along with auntie Adelaide, but she only asked about her daddy. You knew Javier would be so cocky if he heard her asking for him so much.

"So are these for me?" You asked as you saw some letters and a box over the table, seeing the red, beautiful box had a card signed by your husband and something just told you you would avoid any embarrassment if you opened it by yourself. Analuz was curiously watching it, asking you if it was a box of chocolates, eager to have one, but it was pretty obvious that coming from Javi, it wasn't anything appropriate for a toddler, however, you frowned

"Why are you asking about chocolate? You've never had any…" you always made sure to keep your kids' eating habits as healthy as possible. Tiny kids didn't need sweets if they had fruits, but at daughter's guilty silence, you could see Chucho cleared his throat

"I'm sorry mijita, I was eating a bar the other day and she walked on me and I couldn't say no… it was just a tiny piece of chocolate but if it makes it any better, my Javi was also crazy about chocolate since he was a niñito así"

A part of you felt quite frustrated at how Chucho simply did anything your daughter wanted, even if sometimes he disregarded your instructions, he didn't do it on purpose or to piss you off, of course, he just wanted to make Analuz happy and you couldn't take that away from him, not after how amazing he'd been to you and how her birth helped him and Javier to get closer again, like they hadn't been ever since your husband was a child.

"It's okay Don Chucho, I just prefer Analuz eating fruits because it's better for her health, but a tiny piece of chocolate sometimes should be fine" you smiled at him, showing you weren't angry "under one condition of course: that you bring me some chocolate too" you winked at the older man who laughed out loud and Analuz giggled happily "you'we silly mommy" she said reaching for you and hugging you gently, your mariposa just had the power to melt everyone's heart.

Chucho cleared his throat again and looked at you "so mijita, I was thinking about taking your aunt Adelaide and Analuz for an ice cream at that place near the police station, is that okay with you?"

You held back your laughter and nodded with a sweet smile. Chucho had smoothly planned out a date with your aunt, as he could simply leave Analuz with her dad and spend time alone with your aunt. There was no denying the Peña charm ran in the family. You agreed to his plan, and though Analuz was immediately overly excited about the ice cream and visiting her daddy at work, you let her grandpa deal with it, taking your box and your mail to your bedroom.

You placed them carefully on the bed and you were about to start it by the beautiful box your husband sent to you, when one of the envelopes caught your attention: the stamps were from Colombia, which was extremely odd as you hadn't spoken to anyone from there since you left everything behind and went after your happiness in Laredo. Curiosity immediately caught your attention and you opened the envelope, taking the letter in hand and reading it as quickly as you could, you recognized the handwriting before you could even finish the first sentence and the confusion as to why your ex-boyfriend Manuel Herrera had sent you a letter was increasing, he was decisive for you to leave Colombia and go after Javier, he, out of everyone, advised you to seek your happiness, following your heart, even after you'd been such a bad girlfriend to him. You didn't regret any part of your story with Javi, you were just meant to be and no one could fight that, but you know some things the two of you should've handled better, and Manu was definitely one of them. You shook your head trying to keep the guilt away and concentrated on what he had to say, reading about how his life had been in the last four years you hadn't seen each other and how things had changed. He'd congratulated you on giving birth to your two children, apologized for always saying Javier would never be a good husband to you, and broke the news that he and Colleen - the receptionist you hated and also never kept her eyes off Peña - were about to get married and already had a bun in the oven. You laughed out loud at that information, thinking of how amusing life could really be. It was funny how things fell into the right place without much effort and eventually everyone found their own way. You couldn't wait to tell Javi that he would find it as amusing as you did, and you made a mental note to write back to Manu sometime and wish him well in his new life.

Setting aside the letter, you focused on the beautiful box you'd received from your husband, you thought of Colombia again and how he would leave small chocolates or other stuff here and there on your desk and how he got you flowers for your first date, you would never exchange the life you had for anything else in the world at all, but you'd be lying if you didn't say you missed those times, the flirting, the butterfly in your stomach, the desperate touches and even the uncertainty about your future made you a little nostalgic even if it didn't make any sense. Not being able to wait any longer, you just opened the box once for all, finding a gorgeous pair of blood red lingerie. It was just so Javi you blushed like a schoolgirl, as your fingers ran through the sophisticated fabric, seeing the beautiful sparkly details and even if your husband had fucked you raw against his work desk just a couple of hours before, you felt the wetness pooling in your underwear. The little note he'd sent with the present just told you to wear it that night for him, he couldn't wait to spend some time away with you.

•••

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Analuz's happy squeals filled the police station the moment Chucho stepped inside and let go of her little hand. She'd been there so many times already, everyone at the station was used to the little girl always looking for her daddy. Javier was doing some paperwork, nose buried in files with a pen in his hand when he heard his daughter's lovely voice and stopped everything he was doing to open the door to her. His heart skipping a beat at her presence and he would never imagine that someday in his life he would experience the purest kind of love anyone could ever do: their kids' love. Analuz had been his little girl since she was born, and there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her. It was funny for anyone who could see them, how Javier turned into a completely different person around his kids. He wasn't a former DEA agent and current chief of police anymore, he was just daddy. He was the father who would keep his daughter all the time with him, who would do anything she wanted, would play with her and make her feel like the luckiest little girl in the world. He watched her running towards him, like a beautiful little mariposa flying and opened his arms, welcoming her small body into a tight hug, lifting her up and resting his forehead against hers. His daughter was so gorgeous, being a tiny version of her equality gorgeous mommy, Javi never got tired of reminding you how alike the two of you were and how beautiful his girls are, he never thought he would be this happy before but here it was: his perfect life.

Analuz giggled, wrapping her arms around her daddy's neck and snuggling him

"Miss you daddy!" She said sweetly, not letting go of him at all. "Mommy is home, painting nails wed" she informed her dad and Javi approved your choice of color internally, he was dying to see your nails matching your lingerie later, but that would be something for him to think of later, because at that moment, he sat down, letting his beautiful Analuz get comfortable in his lap and grab the first pen and paper she could see and began drawing for him. When he worked in Colombia, he very often spotted kids' drawings on other agents' desk and he never got why they were so proud of that bunch of incoherent lines scribbled all over the paper, now he just couldn't get himself to throw away any of Analuz's drawings, they seemed so precious to him, even if they didn't make sense, he knew his beautiful daughter just put a lot of effort into them, so the solution was simple: Javi got one of those empty evidence boxes and placed it by his desk, always keeping her drawings there, that way he could always take a look at them when he missed his sweet mariposa during the day. And he already had another box sorted for Gabe too, knowing it was just a matter of time before he started experimenting with his papers and crayons.

"Whewe mommy and daddy going tonight?" Analuz raised her head from her drawing and looked at Javi curiously, she'd overheard grandpa Chucho telling auntie Adelaide about how her parents would have a date even if she didn't know what it was.

"Daddy is taking mommy dancing, because today is our anniversary, a few years ago on this day, daddy married your mommy in a beautiful party on our ranch and you were already there!" Her brown eyes widened in excitement to know that information though she couldn't remember it "but you were a tiny little seed in mommy's tummy… but I loved you just the same" and then former Agent Peña went so soft, especially when Analuz dropped her pen and wrapped her skinny arms around his neck. Sometimes Javi felt his heart would burst with love, there wasn't any other explanation to it, it was simple, pure and real love.

"I wanna dance too, daddy!!!" She asked excitedly and Javi grinned, standing up from his chair and placing his daughter's small feet on top of his, at the same time he held both hands "then follow daddy's steps like this…" he calmly explained as he began taking some dance steps to an inexistent song, but it didn't matter, he smiled at how happy she got, and suddenly Javi thought of how things would be in a few more years, he thought of his daughter's first dance in her quinceñera and wondered if she would still be close to him; he really hoped so, because he didn't know what he would do with himself if his mariposita distanced herself from him just like Javi had done with his own father, he felt a wave of melancholy and immediately pulled Analuz up, hugging her as tight as possible, listening to her happy giggles and feeling his pain slowly going away. A knock on the door interrupted them when officer Danny opened it

"Excuse me, chief… we just listened in the radio a big storm is coming and the mayor is recommending everyone to go home because there's risk of flooding the roads"

Javi nodded and sighed. Storms were never good and he knew the next day would bring them a lot of work, but for the moment, he got a free pass to go home earlier to his wife and daughter.

"Alright, if my dad stops by, tell him we went home"

•••

By the time it took Javi to drive home, the weather had changed completely; the beautiful, sunny day darkened in a matter of minutes, seeming the mid-afternoon had quickly turned into night and the first raindrops hit the ground almost at the same time he parked his truck and helped Analuz out of her seatbelt. He held her against his body and the two of them rushed inside, avoiding being caught by the rain. He sighed as he didn't see Chucho's truck and felt worried about his dad, but you immediately rushed to see your husband and your daughter. Gabe was now fully awake in your arms, his fever had finally broken and he was back to being the dweet, docile little baby boy you all were used to.

"Gabe!!" Analuz squealed excitedly to see her baby brother, she loved playing with him and he gave her a big gummy smile. Javi placed his little mariposa down and picked his son, holding him against his chest and kissing all over his chubby cheeks, before getting you with a peck on the lips

"Chucho called, he's with aunt Adelaide and they both went to your uncle's ranch, it was closer and they have shelter to wait for the storm to end, if it doesn't, they'll sleep there" you raised your eyebrow and Javi gave you a knowing nod, the two of you thinking exactly the same but not saying it out loud because of the kids, but yeah, probably something would happen between his dad and your aunt.

"I'm very sorry cariño, but I don't think we'll be able to go out tonight, I know you were looking forward to celebrating our anniversary…"

You shook your head and smiled "it's not your fault Javi, it's okay, we can't go out, but we'll stay home, with our family, we'll celebrate it with our beautiful kids" you assured him, nuzzling Gabe's cheek and making him giggle.

"Let me figure something out for dinner, my love, can you watch the kids?" You asked but you knew it wasn't even necessary, Javi was a great dad and he often watched the kids because he liked to, he enjoyed spending time and playing with them, and not simply because he had to. Of course, going out would be nice, but eventually, you enjoyed the fact you had the house for your husband and yourself, the kids wouldn't take long to fall asleep, and you two could enjoy the time to be together without any interruptions or the need to watch ourselves all the time.

Javi sat on the carpet with his kids, even if back protested against it, he just made sure to be there, holding them close and helping them playing with their own toys - Analuz loved her dolls and Gabe loved blocks - he just gave them attention, spending a precious time with them while the rain poured outside. You made your family some dinner and of course it wasn't a special menu like you figured you would have with Javi if you had gone out, but you also knew you would have other opportunities for that, it was nobody's fault, the weather could be unpredictable at times and no one could fight against the nature. After everyone had eaten and he'd helped you with the dishes, you sat on the couch with Javi and the kids, the four of you snuggling with each other, as the kids played happily with each other and you admired your husband. He was so handsome, just like the first time you got to Colombia and met the infamous Agent Peña, you couldn't wrap your head around the fact he was simply gorgeously handsome and just a few years later, he would be yours and no one else's.

At the first sign of the kids being sleepy, you took Gabe and Javi took Analuz, taking them to their shared bedroom. You placing your baby boy in the crib and Javi his little mariposa in bed. Gabe fell asleep easily, just like every night he was tucked in, wrapped in warm blankets and a couple of soft words from his mommy and he was happily off to dreamland. Analuz, on the other hand, could only fall asleep if her daddy told her a story, which he patiently did, no matter how tired he was, he would keep himself awake and tell her whichever stories she wanted to hear; fairies, princesses, pirates, spaceships or anything at all, he would make it up for her.

You wished your daughter goodnight and excused yourself, leaving father and daughter alone in the bedroom, Javi's hand stroked her small face, earning a lovely smile from her

"I love you daddy" she said between yawns and held his hand with her tiny one

"I love you too, mariposa, so much…" he pecked her forehead and watched as Analuz closed her little eyes and joined her brother in dreamland, the two of them being so safe and loved in the Peña family.

You turned around to see Javi walking into your living room, he had no right to look that devilish handsome in a pink shirt, but there he was: two buttons undone, strong arms exposed and tight jeans, just like your hot Colombian summer dream was. You bit your lips and smiled at him, you'd applied some red lipstick, matching your nails and the red gown you put on, over the gorgeous pair of lingerie he'd gifted you. He was dominated by the sight in front of him, you looked like a walking sin and it was all for him; he was a lucky bastard and nothing would ever change that. Taking a step closer, he placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer and licking his lips at the sight of you;

"Fuck me cariño… How can you walk around being so goddamn gorgeous all the time?" His voice wasn't much more than a low groan and he lowered himself enough to nuzzle your cleavage, his lips ghosting over your skin. You had always looked incredible to him, but he couldn't deny how much he loved your breasts after you got pregnant, it simply drove him mad.

Javi's soft touches went for your neck, at the same time you let out a shaky breath, that man knowing his shit and how to play you.

"I'm sorry our plans got ruined, I really wanted to have taken you out, I'm not complaining about your sexy attire here…" he pointed at your body covered by some tempting pieces of cloth "but I wanted to take you out, you spend a lot of time taking care of the house, the kids, of me… I wanted you to have fun" he sighed and gave you the puppy eyes as another thunder broke outside.

"It's not your fault the worst storm to hit Laredo in years happened to be on our anniversary day, Javi… besides, you got to come home earlier, we spent some nice time with our kids and the cherry on top is that the grown-ups are out and we have the house all for ourselves" you winked and the two of you burst out laughing. You noticed Javi swayed your hips at an imaginary step, and followed it shyly, dancing to the sound of rain.

"But just out of curiosity, where would you take me?"

"I'd take you out for dinner of course, maybe that steakhouse we like or the Italian place, it would be your call, hermosa… then I'd take you out to dance, we would dance some bolero and then I'd take you to the nice hotel, get ourselves a room and rail you into morning light"

You chuckled at Javi's sentence, seeing he had planned everything perfectly for that night, it would have been definitely special, you weren't doubting that, but you also likes how it ended up, just the two of you, intimate and cozy like it had always been, since the beginning of your relationship.

"Well, the last part we can still make it happen, chief Peña… you can rail me for as long as can take me" you teased and Javi's hand immediately went down on your ass, giving you a well-deserved swat and making you squeak "in fact, I'm all ready for it, you are the one who looks overdressed…" you undid another button of his shirt "but I'm a little curious: why go out to dance?"

"I realized I was a bad boyfriend and never took you out to dance while we were in Colombia, there were so many bars you wanted to have gone and we never did…"

"You were never a bad boyfriend, Javi, never. We just didn't have time, maybe because we dated for five minutes before getting married and having kids" the two of you chuckled again at your own inside joke "you've always been the best boyfriend in the world, you were so good at it I ended up marrying you"

"Do you ever miss it? Colombia, I mean? How we were back then, how things were horrible at work, but how good we were, how there used to be only you and me in the world once we got inside our apartment…" he asked you curiously and you nodded, surprised to see Javi held as much nostalgia as you did in your hearts.

"I do… it feels it happened ages ago, we were so young back then… well, I know it's only been what, four? Five years we've met? But it was a marriage and two babies ago, and we were very different people, I miss it too, as much as I love our family, it feels kind of sad knowing these special moments won't ever come back right? I mean, this moment right here, us dancing to nothing in our living room with a baby and a toddler sleeping peacefully in the next room will only be a sweet memory in a few years and sometimes that makes me sad becau-"

Javi kissed you. He knew how you had a habit of overthinking things and he didn't want it to make you upset when you two were having a special moment together. He held you tight, as if his life depended on it and though he understood perfectly what you meant, he knew you two couldn't let the fear of time passing by and changing your lives become bigger than the joy you felt in the present. He knew you two would be together for life and you had a beautiful family, perhaps another baby could come anytime, or not, it didn't matter because you were happy as long as you had each other.

"Mi amor, I was thinking… would you like to come back? To Colombia, like on vacation? We have some extra cash and maybe the kids would enjoy it too, visiting a different country, trying new food?"

"Do you mean, Bogota?"

"Well, I was thinking of Cartagena, with the beaches, the beautiful landscape… maybe we could even renew our vows?"

"I'd like that, Javi… I really would, going back to the place where you became my Javi and showing our kids that"

"Good then, Mrs.Peña, I can't wait"

That night Javi took you to bed, like many other nights you'd spent together, but instead of railing you like he said he would, he made love to you, just like it happened on your wedding day. He treated you like a delicate flower, with so much love, affection and appreciation, he showed you how much he adored you, your body, your touch, your taste, everything about you. You were his wife, the love of his life, the mother of his precious, beautiful children and all he could do was to thank God, or destiny, or whoever was in charge of giving that undeserving man so much joy and happiness in life. When you were more than satisfied, being brought to your orgasm for the fifth time that night, he allowed himself to finish inside of you, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours, mumbling love words under his breath. He panted as beads of sweat formed on his forehead, your bodies pressed tight against each other's. Javier rolled on his back and pulled you to him, you resting against his chest, letting out a tired but satisfied sigh as you listened to his heartbeat. You never wanted any other kind of life, looking back at all the good and bad you went with Javier, you knew you wouldn't change one single thing, because that was what led you and Javier to what you had now, a marriage full of love and a gorgeous family.

In the middle of the night, you woke up with Analuz poking your side. She wanted to tell you Gabe woke up with a thunder and started crying, but before you could even get up, Javier was already on it, walking to the kids' room and picking up his son. He checked if Gabe needed a diaper change, but he was fine; perhaps he just needed a snuggle. He pressed his son against his chest gently and pecked his forehead, the baby sniffed and buried his face into the crook of his daddy, and by the time Javier was back to bed, Analuz was already tucked into it, so warm. You chuckled at your husband and helped him get under the blankets. It didn't take long for Javi to fall asleep with the kids and you stayed awake a little longer, admiring them. The three of them were so peaceful at that moment, and you closed your eyes, joining your family in the sweet slumber, knowing once you woke up, they'd be there for you.

You and Javi weren't the best people in the world, you've had your share of doing bad things and hurting people's feelings, but you were just human beings with flaws and qualities, and you found love in each other, both of you lost at first, but things fell into the right place even if it took a while, and soon enough it all made sense, you and Javi were meant to be and nothing could ever keep the two of you apart.

Your family and was the best thing you had and you deserved all the happiness you got.

____

A/N: this is it, besties, the final chapter of our lovely story. Thank you so so so much for all the love you've given me and this story, I hope you liked it, it came from the bottom of my heart ❤️

And this incredible, gorgeous, amazing, beautiful fanart of Javi and his daughter Analuz made by my sweet friend @bl0odymari ❤️ thank you for it honey ❤️

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