#Why are there sparkly pretty men in my 7/11...

[katrasining]

✧•∙ HOLOCTOBER Day 23: Konbini Uniform ∙•✧

🃏 Utsugi Uyu | Gavis Bettel 🎩

[salientseraph]

GIV'US THE LIST!!! Genuinely curious about your heinous taste in men

OKAY ANON?1??1?1

I'm gonna try to go in somewhat chronological order. Some are fictional, some are non fictional, it should make sense :)

This is a LONG FUCKING POST BTW

My first crush ever......drum roll......

(gonna be using gifs so i don't hit a photo limit)

1) Mike Nesmith!!! (The Monkees)

He's one of my earliest memories, I had to be around three years old. First crush started off strong. The first episode I ever saw was fairytale, and it was absolutely AMAZING because this beautiful princess was also a beautiful MAN??? It was like hitting the jackpot! I loved his Texan accent SOOO much but had somehow convinced myself that it was embarrassing so I didn't tell anyone?? At 3 years old. But now I'm living my truth👍🏻

2) Michael Jackson (all eras)

I'm almost positive he was my first hyperfixaction when I was around 5. I listened to his music EVERY DAY and SHAMELESSLY wore a sparkly glove despite it being a sensory nightmare. When my mom had told me he died it was like my entire world ended, and I had gained a new catchphrase whenever my parents introduced me to something new, "Are they dead?"

3) Christopher Reeve's Superman (and Lois)

I don't particularly remember how old I was, but it was around the same time methinks. Absolutely melted every time he smiled. And was extremely confused as to why I wanted to be around Lois so much. Couldn't ever decide who I wanted to look at more. (Partly a biromantic awakening)

4) Sam Beckett (Quantum Leap)

If you couldn't tell, growing up in the early 2000's with musicians as parents led to little 5 year old me having so many old interests I couldn't really relate to younger kids, but that was okay because I had variety! I'm not quite sure how old I was when Netflix was a postal service, but every week or so we'd get a new episode of Quantum Leap, and I LOVED Sam. (And of course my favorite episodes were when he had to be a girl. I am a creature of habit)

5) Obi Wan Kenobi (and Padme) (Star Wars)

Yet another one I was REALLY embarrassed about for some reason. All of my (2 neighbor friends) thought Anakin was soooo hot and I was like.....haha yeah....

6) Chuck Bartowski (and Sarah Walker) (Chuck)

I sort of grew up watching the show Chuck, I'm pretty sure we had rented most of the seasons from our local block buster, lol. Anyway, another case of bi panic, because good GOD. I mean seriously. Just look at them. ALSO I have to mention Scott Bakula (actor for Sam Beckett) is Chuck's DAD so um. Do with that information what you will.

7) The Doctor (11) (Doctor who)

I'm 6 years old. I'm over at my mom's friends house and I am subjected to the first modern show I had really ever paid attention to, and I see this beautiful man holding a baby. And I'm like wait hey...maybe I should sit and watch this instead of wasting 2 hours on the sims 2. So I sit my ass down and it is love at first sight. Later I go to watch the show on my own and the first episode he's with a kid MY AGE?!?! I ate that shit UP. Still madly in love with the raggedy man.

8) 2016 youtuber phase (sigh)

OKAY OKAY EVERYONE ON FANDOM TUMBLR don't boo me, everyone had a youtuber phase in middle school. Everyone also had an undertale phase in middle school. It was the thing to do, (aside from superwholock of course) Had to mention it because we're going in chronological order of things, bear with me. Although these are real people, everyone who was in the depths of insanity at the time knows they were all very...fanonized. Pewdiepie, Jackscepticeye, and Dan Howell (known at the time as danisnotonfire). Yes I am a little ashamed. But I do stand by the fact they are all very cute. I think this is also around the time I got into the Flash series, which brings us...

9) Cisco (The Flash)

Okay girl no one wanted him like I did. Everyone was so focused on the flash they did NOT notice my mans, and that was okay because I didn't have to fight over him with anyone lmao- but yes, he was the light of my life in middle school. Promptly stopped watching the show when he left. Around that time I got into Steven Universe all the way until my sophmore (?) year of highschool which brings us to....

10) Loki (Marvel Media)

Okay look, after being a mild marvel hater for a low-key (pun intended) long time, the loki series came out and I was like okay sure I'll watch it. And henceforth 2021 was the year of Lokimania. Or more fitting, Hiddleston mania. Watched everything I could get my hands on. But I always came back to Loki. (I was 16/17 I think?)

11) Castiel (Supernatural)

Avoided watching the show for a long time because of....the superwholock plague LOL. So 2022 rolls around and my mom is like "hey btw this show is actually really good" and I'm like okay whatever.

Then season 4 hits. And I see this ANGEL. And I am in love. 2022 was the year of supernatural, along with FINALLY getting all of the in-jokes of superwholock.

12) Connor (Detroit: Become Human)

I am now 18. I found myself delving back into my old "watch jacksepticeye while I eat lunch bc I want to be non-verbal" habit and stumbled across his dbh playthrough. I watched it literally ANY time I could. Took two days but it was life changing, so much so that I had literally convinced my mom to buy a cheap ps4 and I played the game. Got so much into the fandom I started watching Bryan Decharts streams, and one thing lead to another and HE COMMENTED ON MY FANART!! Anyway live laugh love Connor Anderson (he is hanks son)

13) Arthur Morgan (Red Dead Redemption 2)

Piggy-backing off of the high of dbh, I finally got around to purchasing red dead 2 (because like 5 of my friends recommended it to me, including my older brother) so I got it, and BOY I did not expect to fall in love with a cowboy, but I suppose it is deeply rooted in me to like fellas of that sort. I cried my eyes out and couldn't eat for a whole day when he died in my first playthrough.

14) Astarion (Baldur's Gate 3)

Look do I even need to explain myself here. Its the same old story of girl sees beautiful man from media she has no idea about, obsesses over thousands of videos of him, buys game and romances him, the rest is history. 2023 was definitely my videogame year.

15) Jerma probably

Look we all know he isn't real but look at how cute he is ^v^'!!

Supremely Honorable Mention: Newt Scamander (Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them)

I would have put him in the list but I literally have no memory of watching the first movie, when I did it, how I felt, nothing. Its just a blip and then all of a sudden this human embodiment of a shy giggle consumed my brain (and this was before I was a fan of anything harry potter, again I avoided all the media all together because of the cringe millennial fandom stuff I had seen, no hate to y'all now though cause I'm one of you)

There you have it! I've had a ton of mini crushes in-between these but none compare to this list I think :) I love them very very much and I need to make a giant fanart with all of my silly funky quirky little dudes all being friends <3

[confettipizza]

Lunar Recap

How it started. How it’s going. How it ended for the last lunar cycle of 2020.

This lunar cycle began with the New Moon on Jan. 12, 2021 @ 11:01 PM CT (Jan. 13 @ 05:01 UTC). It was the 13th Moon of 2020 according to the lunar calendar. And it ended Feb. 11, 2021, just before the 1st Moon of 2021! Happy Lunar New Year 2021, Year of the Ox!

South Korean Court Orders Japan to Compensate Women Forced into Sex Slavery

Colorado AG Opens Grand Jury Probe of Police Killing of Elijah McClain

Guantánamo Bay Prison Starts 20th Year of Indefinite Detentions

Pfizer to Boost COVID-19 Vaccine Output as WHO Warns of Vaccination Inequality

Lawmakers Catch COVID-19 After Sheltering in Room Where GOP Reps Refused Masks

FBI Warns of “Armed Protests” in All 50 States and at Biden’s Inauguration

Tomorrow is Sun conjunct Pluto. Something that’s been lurking in the shadows bout to jump out. Might be pretty big, but there’s also the individual personal experience of this event and might feel more like an early Full Moon for you.

House to Impeach Trump as GOP Shows Signs of Backing Removal

Well this is dumb. Sun conjunct Pluto?

The $3,000-a-month toilet for the Ivanka Trump/Jared Kushner Secret Service detail

I also remembered/realized how much I really love Anna Sui designs since I was a kid which is pretty random to pop up on my radar, but this woman gets that all I want is sparkly heart shaped objects in lacquered black and flowy hippie dresses

Trump Tells Aides Not to Pay Giuliani’s Legal Fees as Bid to Overturn Election Fails

All I know is talking about dreams and discussing them with others makes you feel better. The tarot angle is there to shed some light on what the dream is actually telling you.

Joe Biden Unveils $1.9 Trillion Coronavirus and Economic Relief Package

ICE’s Acting Director Resigns After Two Weeks on Job

Found out today the woman at the car mechanic I've been faithfully taking my car to for the past two years can speak to the dead and had some messages for me from my dad who passed in October-

Intuitive guided tarot card pull.

Waxing crescent into Aries Monday, January 18, 2021 at 1:06 AM CT Today’s Astro x Tarot forecast valid for the next 24 hours: Feelings are flaring up for you to make a statement, a very zippy move or a quick decision about someone or something.

So long as you remain flexible and agile, whatever you choose to do with them will work to your advantage. If you decide not to impose hyper-agility into your decision making rn, then kudos to you! You’ve gained practice points in self-control experience.

More Than 760,000 Pounds of Hot Pockets Recalled

‘I Answered the Call of My President’: Rioters Say Trump Urged Them On

Raphael Warnock and the Legacy of Racial Tyranny

The Extraordinary Courage of Aleksei Navalny

Whoa, I was like a cycle early on celebrating the lunar new year! I’ve been a month into the future for a week now. My bad! I apologize for any confusion.

I was thinking that the soul's law of attraction is probably pretty unstoppable even concerning partners, so like, if someone didn't love you back then it's not some mistake or human misunderstanding that you or they need to fix.

To find one's soulmate looks something like 2 souls flying towards each other from opposite ends of the galaxy to join their physical selves together in a collision force so brutal you're stuck like that and if that's not what yours looks like then maybe that ain't your soulmate?

All the men going to jail for their poop smearing Capitol rioting have online dating profiles and that’s reason no. 2 I do not date online! Reason no. 1 is ain’t nobody cute on there.

The Witch’s Myth: The true story of the crane husband

Where are your witch stars, Circe and Hekate, located? Their location can explain your relationship to witchcraft. Circe is in my 1st house influencing my outer appearances and Hekate is conjunct Jupiter influencing my domestic style and home to be distinctively witchy.

Sun into Aquarius Tuesday, January 19, 2021 at 2:33 PM CT Here is your Sun into Aquarius forecast effective for the next several weeks of Aquarius season. 

Down to earth and grounded is our most qualified position to receive everything we need and use everything we receive. This is the reality of ourselves, the human condition.

We love reality based reality.

Get ready for reality-grounded White House press briefings

Why do people believe the lies they’re fed? Because those lies are designed to be more palatable than reality. Lies offer a quick easy patch, but what you’ve gotta ask yourself is are those lies actually designed to support the flow of all things into your life?

~* First Quarter Jan. 20 3:02 PM CT (21:02 UTC) *~

Biden and Harris Attend Memorial to Honor 400,000+ COVID-19 Victims in U.S. on Eve of Inauguration

Steve Bannon Among Final Trump Pardons and Commutations

Trump Admin Declares Multiculturalism Is “Not Who America Is” as WH Releases Racist, Revisionist Report

4,000+ Columbia Students Back Largest-Ever Tuition Strike

Today, whatever you’re doing or are wishing to become will be to the benefit of this unifying, love-aligned uprising.

Joe Biden Sworn In as 46th President of the United States, Ending Trump Era

Good inauguration Astro climate this morning feels like. #BidenHarrisInauguration

“What has shaken the U.S. population so badly, this assault on the Capitol yesterday, is really nothing by comparison to what U.S. operations have done in Latin America, in Asia, in Africa, in the Middle East, to other democratic movements and elected governments over the years.”

Progress towards wholeness can’t be made until we own up to the roles we’ve played in the past.

Read the full text of Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem ‘The Hill We Climb’

When did politics get so vibrant and fashionably uplifting? Please and thank you! #Inauguration2021

The two of wands says to review your options, do your research, crunch the numbers, imagine the outcomes, but there’s no need to force making a choice if you don’t have to. Buy yourself some time and let the plans for a resolution find you, not the other way around.

Donald Trump Leaves Office and Washington, D.C., Threatens “We Will Be Back”

Watchdogs Demand Transparency as Corporations Pour Millions into Biden-Harris Inauguration

Senate Dems File Ethics Complaint Against Sens. Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley over Jan. 6 Insurrection

Federal Forces Arrest Ex-Marine for Beating Officer with a Hockey Stick During Capitol Riots

It’s Friday and it just feels good to be alive, a socialist and calling Bernie Sanders cute on Inauguration Day week! What a difference a pandemic makes.

Instacart Lays Off 2,000 Workers, Including Group Who Started Company’s First Union

Mars square Jupiter January 23, 2021 @ 1:49 AM CT (7:49 GMT) Someone wants you to know that you are ready to conquer your perceived limits to arrive at expansion in your thoughts, feelings, emotions and understanding today.

Waxing gibbous into Cancer January 25, 2021 @ 12:51 PM CT (18:51 GMT) It’s a supportive Moon for dreaming for mental health and well being. Begin a dream journal or review your latest dreams, reflecting on them for a few minutes today.

You are opening yourself up to an emotional practice that includes care for yourself in ways no one else (besides you and your connection to the Moon) can provide.

And too my Tarot Dream Readings are open if you would like guidance or support on a particular dream. See my pinned tweet for how it works.

When one’s soul is allowed to lead one’s life, working in the dark shadows, the invisible silence, the soul’s manifesting results are way more lasting and way more powerful than egocentric anything.

Good morning, self! A reminder my ego has never done a thing for me my soul can’t do better.

National Guard Deployment at U.S. Capitol Becomes COVID-19 Superspreader Event

Russia Violently Cracks Down on Protesters Calling for Release of Alexei Navalny

Trump Plotted to Oust Acting AG, Use DOJ to Force Georgia to Overturn Election Results

Hunts Point Market Workers in the Bronx Win Wage Increase After Week-Long Strike

This mourning brooch is a mindful way to mark the death of a loved one while paying tribute to the impact it has had on you. Bring back this Victorian trend!

Veteran Talk Show Host Larry King Dies After Hospitalization for COVID-19

Hank Aaron, Who Overcame Racist Barriers to Become Home Run Record-Holder, Dies at 86

We don’t give our bodies or our intuition enough attention and nourishment a lot of the time, so today’s the day we practice finding and sitting quietly with our inner voice.

~* Full Moon Jan. 28 1:17 PM CT (19:17 UTC) *~

House Delivers Article of Impeachment to Senate, Triggering Trump’s Second Trial

Dominion Voting Systems Sues Rudy Giuliani for Lying About 2020 Election

President Biden Increases U.S. Vaccination Goal to 150 Million Shots in 100 Days

President Biden Reverses Trump’s Transgender Military Service Ban

Biden Restores Plan to Feature Abolitionist Harriet Tubman on $20 Bill

Value is further added the more you mint your words with a most whole and complete love. Love is the greatest asset we can let appreciate in our lifetimes.

This Full Moon tomorrow sends a flash point that reminds you to circulate this wealth because it’s the greatest emotional gift we can bestow upon our loved ones, family, friends, neighbors, elders, members of our community, etc.

Venus conjunct Pluto in Capricorn January 28, 2021 @ 10:18 AM CT (16:18 GMT) Going through your day today uncovers a forgotten desire or creative goal. You find yourself asking something like: Remember when I wanted to become a pastry chef?

Although you decided to pursue a different course, take a moment to focus on and honor this memory when it arrives and then release it. What did you become instead and why?

45 Senate Republicans Back Dismissal of Trump Impeachment Trial

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Supported Violence Against Pelosi and Others in 2018 Facebook Posts

Taking the time to recognize and honor your past desires gives the respect these memories deserve and it integrates them into the whole wider scene of the individual, both shadow and light on your path builds confidence in your steps, confidence in yourself.

You are who you are for a reason.

Had no idea how literal this grassroots King of Pentacles card was gonna materialize today, but here it is folks! When a subreddit takes down a hedge fund!

Leader of Proud Boys, Enrique Tarrio, Was a Government Informer

U.S. Freezes Arms Sales to Saudi Arabia, Reviews Deal with UAE Made Under Trump Admin

Poland Enacts Near-Total Ban on Abortions, Triggering More Protests

Honduras Locks In Total Ban on Abortions, Attacks Marriage Equality

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Confronts Parkland Survivor David Hogg in Newly Resurfaced Video

The stock market this morning: Sh*t! Normal working class people read the market and figured out the game! Time to change the rules again. Let’s write it in ancient Babylonian hieroglyphs this time. They’ll never figure that sh*t out.

A message crucial to promote the awareness of your personal role in the collective will become evident over the next three weeks. You will come to ask yourself, What am I doing with my life?

If you aren’t familiar or comfortable with seeking your inner journey, then the greatest clue I can offer you at the start is to become open to the invisible world within you. How you learn to relate to it is completely personal and uniquely your own

Speaking in more concrete terms the next few weeks may manifest a life event for you where you must apply both logic and feeling in order to arrive at a satisfactory conclusion concerning an interpersonal relationship or the question what am I doing with my life?

This Mercury retrograde should be a cinch, but during it don’t buy tech if you don’t have to. And remember to triple check communication before hitting send. If you arrive at conflict be quick to apologize and say no more until tomorrow 

President Biden Expands Affordable Care Act Enrollment Amid COVID-19 Pandemic

House Speaker Blasts GOP for Assigning Racist Conspiracy Theorist to House Education Committee

Lawmakers Demand Probe into Trading App Robinhood After It Blocked Stock Sales That Hurt Hedge Funds

Pioneering African American Actor Cicely Tyson, Winner of Two Emmys, Dies at 96

Sun in Aquarius square Mars in Taurus February 1, 2021 @ 4:33 AM CT (10:33 GMT) The warrior’s edge has melted away and now you can take the scenic route through a field of wildflowers and mushrooms instead of blasting your way through a hillside of obstacles.

This energy catalyzes a scene that supports growth through varied experiences and it encourages everyone to seek their own way to resolutions, conclusions and understandings that are uniquely their own. Searching out your own way illuminates a strategic aspect of your purpose.

Happy Venus in Aquarius! The idea to refresh your wardrobe, hairstyle or redecorating by public opinion can be too hard to ignore under this influence. Your personal style will be influenced by the collective for the duration.

Burmese Military Stage Coup, Detain Aung San Suu Kyi

FBI Uncovers Evidence Jan. 6 Attack Was Premeditated as More Far-Right Rioters Face Charges

Trump Faces More Businesses-Related Woes as His Legal Team Departs a Week Before Impeachment Trial

It’s only the 21st day of the lunar cycle and already we’ve gone from the end of a rotten presidential era to the people’s revolution of the stock market, ok? And this moon ain’t even finished yet!

~* Last Quarter Feb. 4 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) *~

U.S. Tops 26 Million COVID-19 Vaccine Shots, Surpassing Confirmed Coronavirus Cases

Moon Last Quarter in Scorpio February 4, 2021 @ 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) A time for Descending, settling, closure, receiving compliments for doing a good job. Prime time for tying of loose ends and wrapping up unfinished business.

Democrats Say Trump “Singularly Responsible” for Jan. 6 Insurrection in Impeachment Brief

With consciousness humans are able to transcend the unconscious and reconfigure our relationship to it.

Though we can transcend the unconscious through viewing ourselves objectively, we are still apart of the the unconscious. Those rules still apply to us even as we contemplate their logic.

Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO After Amassing Huge Personal Fortune

Amazon to Pay Contract Drivers $61.7 Million After FTC Probe Finds It Stole Tips to Pay Wages

Republican Leader Won’t Punish Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene over Racist and Violent Rhetoric

Prosecutors Seek Rearrest of Kyle Rittenhouse, Wisconsin Teen Charged with Killing 2 Protesters

Sometimes the right thing to do is protect your one actual valuable thing not by defending it, but closing up all the channels the valuable thing is being attacked from the outside. Sometimes you just gotta block, delete or remove your account and move on with/to what's good.

What if we wake up one day and COVID has disappeared, like poof! It vanished into thin air? Maybe it’s the moon opposed to Uranus that’s got me wishing wild problem solvers would pop up overnight.

Poll Reveals 25% of U.S. Adults Plan to Gather at Super Bowl Watch Parties

VP Harris Casts Tie-Breaking Vote to Move Ahead with Democratic COVID Relief Bill

House Removes Marjorie Taylor Greene from Committees over Violent, Bigoted Rhetoric

Smartmatic Sues Fox News, Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell for Election-Related Lies

I unfollowed some lawmakers this morning after feeling second hand anxiety over the handling of their interpersonal conflicts. Realized they were me on IG two years ago and I’ve moved on since. Can relate, but don’t wanna relive, thanks!

I just want to let y’all know that I’m coping w insufficient candle syndrome & will be studying the art & science of candle making to save myself potentially hundreds of thousands of $$ by making my own delicious smelling coconut wax babies in diy terra cotta flower pots.

Wyoming GOP Censures Rep. Liz Cheney for Backing Trump’s Impeachment

Mass Protests Continue in Burma Opposing Military Coup, Removal of Aung San Suu Kyi

You may tell others like it is today, but hopefully this inspires you to check in with yourself and be honest/come clean about something you've been overlooking.

Indian Farmworkers Blockade Roads as Mass Protests Show No Sign of Slowing Down

Black Sheriff’s Deputy in Louisiana Dies by Suicide After Condemning Police Violence and Racism

Amazon Workers in Alabama Begin Historic Vote on Unionization

Second Impeachment Trial of Donald J. Trump Opens in the Senate

Georgia’s Secretary of State to Probe Trump’s Efforts to Overturn 2020 Election

Mercury square Mars February 10, 2021 @ 6:14 AM CT (12:14 UTC) Still talking about talking, it’s also Dark Moon time to shape or let a habit form. This practice can come from breaking free of outdated relationships with yourself or with others in order to spur growth.

Dreamed Jungkook was correcting my pronunciation of Korean last night. I’m sorry! I’ll try harder to take this lesson seriously

Senate Votes to Proceed with Impeachment as Managers Present Harrowing Video of Jan. 6 Insurrection

Gov’t to Send Vaccines to Community Health Centers as U.S. Continues Ramping Up Vaccinations

WHO Team Confirms COVID-19 of Animal Origin; Ghana Shuts Parliament After Outbreak Infects Lawmakers

Journalists Decry Raid on Progressive Indian News Site NewsClick

U.S. to Pursue Extradition of Julian Assange as Press Freedom Groups Warn of Dangerous Precede

Fossil Fuel Pollution Causes One in Five Global Deaths

Four Louisiana Officers Arrested over Police Brutality Cases and Other Misconduct

Two NYT Journalists Exit Paper Following Revelations of Improper Conduct

Venus conjunct Jupiter February 11, 2021 @ 8:59 AM CT (14:59 UTC) Receive the overflow of creativity into your life. Welcome it even if you aren’t sure what to do with it. Write down project ideas if you don’t have the energy to start on them now. You can work on them later.

I'm cool with double masking, but a lot of folks still aren't even doing the one :|

“The Inciter-in-Chief”: Democrats Accuse Trump of Being “Singularly Responsible” for Insurrection

U.S. COVID Death Toll Tops 471,000; Half of All Deaths Occurred Since Nov. 1

Saudi Women’s Rights Activist Loujain al-Hathloul Released After 1,001 Days in Prison

Biden Administration to Continue Trump-Era Policy of Turning Away Asylum Seekers at Southern Border

Sen. Bernie Sanders Grills Neera Tanden, Biden’s Pick to Head OMB

Sen. Bernie Sanders: “According to The Washington Post, since 2014, the Center for American Progress has received roughly $5.5 million from Walmart, a company that pays its workers starvation wages; $900,000 from the Bank of America; $550,000 from JPMorgan Chase; $550,000 from Amazon; $200,000 from Wells Fargo; $800,000 from Facebook; and up to $1.4 million from Google. In other words, CAP has received money from some of the most powerful special interests in our country. How will your relationship with those very powerful special interests impact your decision-making if you are appointed to be the head of OMB?”

Neera Tanden: “Senator, I thank you for that question. It will have zero impact on my — on my decision-making.”

[fireflyfish]

3, 4, 5, 7! (some of these are probably no-brainers but please yell about your feelings) >:3

Hello, Your Porgliness! How fare you this fine evening? when our stupid neighbors have apparently just discovered the wonders of bass. >___>#

3. TV Show Episode

Fave: Episode Eight of the Mandalorian

I know, right?? Shocked that I didn’t pick something from the Clone Wars?? I think that might because I don’t have a favorite so much as I love the series as a whole. It gave me my Jedi Babies, my Clone Sons, my Perfect Space Daughter and Master Plo “Yes, I am adopting 1.5 million grown men. Don’t try to stop me. I have a plasma chainsaw” Koon. I really, really, love and utterly adore The Clone Wars and all its attendant goofiness, pathos and sheer jaw dropping awesomeness. 

But… I just REALLY LOVE EPISODE EIGHT OF THE MANDALORIAN OKAY?? DON’T @ME CLONE WARS! I LOVE YOU! IT WAS JUST ONE SEASON BABY! THE SHINY GUY AND THE YODA MUPPET DON’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME! YOU’RE MY ONE TRUE LOVE!

Eh-hem. Listen, if you put Giancarlo Esposito in an imperial uniform, have him flawlessly info-dump the backstories of our brave heroes and trigger a flashback to Din’s rescue by helpful Mandalorians DEATHWATCH apparently, give me an entire scene with the armorer? blacksmith? What is she supposed to be called? EMILY SWALLOW kicking ass and SHATTERING STORMTROOPER ARMOR, and the tragic sacrifice of IG-11 to save his new friends and the Baby Yoda???

AND THEN YOU ADD THE MOTHERFRACKING DARKSABER TO IT????where is Bo-Katan? WHERE IS BO-KATAN? WHAT DID YOU DO TO BO-KATAN FILONI??  ????

I’m there. With bells on. I just… I’m there. I will buy your merch, I will go to your theme parks, I will do whatever Lucasfilm wants for more Star Wars that feels like Stars Wars that I don’t feel like it’s actively trying to shit on the things I loved about Star Wars I am looking at you TLJ. You can step right off. 

Least: I’ve heard there’s an episode where Fives gets hurt or something but I haven’t seen it and it sounds pretty terrible to me. I think it’s one of those weird memes where people try to google translate ROTS or something. 

Fives is fine, y’all. He’s just fine and he’s having dinner with Echo and THEY ARE JUST FINE. *SOBS*

4. Character

Fave: So… I kind of answered that here. Obi-Wan is my favorite, far and away the best, fanciest, and most wonderful of sparkly, awesome people in the GFFA. 

But lately? I’ve been really on a Commander Cody kick. I just love that tension created by the audience knowing that Cody is going to betray Obi-Wan in ROTS but at the same time, you can see how well they work together and that there is mutual respect. It just makes everything so much worse when Palpatine calls Cody FIRST! THAT MOTHER KARKING BASTARD CALLED CODY FIRST OUT OF ALL THE JEDIS HE COULD HAVE HAD KILLED TESTICLE FACE CALLED CODY TO KILL OBI-WAN FIRST! AAAAAAAAH! THE PAIN! and destroys his agency and his right as a sentient being to chose. 

If you read After the End which you don’t have to but if you do, I’m starting to go into Cody’s headspace after Order 66 and it’s a fun challenge. Mostly because it’s not Anakin/Vaderkin have five different emotions in one paragraph but I digress. Also!!! BLY!!!! MY POOR BROKEN SPACE GERMAN SHEPHERD! I WILL AVENGE YOU!

Least: Boba Fett. And that is all I will say about that. 

5. Actor/Actress

Fave: Carrie, just… just Carrie. No one even comes close to Space Mom. Y’all know I love me some Ewan McGregor and I adore Mark Hamill but in the end it’s always going to be Princess Leia. My first fictional hero and the one person from the OT that I really, truly, deeply wanted to meet. 

STOP MAKING ME CRY DAMNIT. I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW. 

Least: BUT THEY’RE ALL SO NICE! HOW CAN YOU MAKE ME SAY I DON’T LIKE SOMEONE???

Ugh… okay, fine. That hobbit that was randomly shoved into ROTS because apparently we didn’t have enough celebrity cameos in it. I don’t know why he was there when BILLIE LOURD, THE ACTUAL DAUGHTER OF CARRIE FISHER, IS RIGHT THERE AND HAS BEEN WITH THIS TRILOGY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS LONG PAINFUL JOURNEY INTO CORPORATE FAN FICTION. SHE. IS. RIGHT. THERE. USE HER. 

BTW, I have nothing against hobbits or LOTR in general. I thought he did a great job as Charlie in Lost. I’m just… if you can break MY suspension of disbelief you’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere. Charlie Hobbiton was not necessary and his lines could have easily been given to Connix or, even better, to Rose. 

7. Species

Fave: Togrutas. I gotta rep Ahsoka in at least one of these damn things. Twi’leks came very close but Togrutas have stripes and Ahsoka is amazing and the most excellent ambassador for her species. 

Least: Mairans. EWWWWWW! 

From the Star Wars Fav/Least Fave meme thingy. 

[suicidalcatz]

DOG DAYS ARE OVER : CHAP 13

Pairing : Jake Kiszka x reader

Genre : College AU

Previous parts : Prologue, Chap 1, Chap 2, Chap 3, Chap 4, Chap 5, Chap 6, Chap 7, Chap 8, Chap 9, Chap 10, Chap 11, Chap 12

Masterlist : here

AN : The bitch is back, it’s me, I’m the bitch. How are you ? Good I hope! In this chapter, you go back to school, reunite with the boys, and Josh has plans for the lot of you. I’m having troubles writing these days, so forgive me if I’m a bit late starting next week, I’ll do my best. I have plenty of ideas, I just feel like I’m writing like a 8 yo these days, you know ? So we’ll see. Thanks for your support, feel free to message me anytime or send me anon stuff !

Chapitre 13 : What happened ?

Christmas Holiday wasn't that soothing. Teachers didn't care about it, and gave us a substantial amount of homework. Snow refused to fall, letting the outside air dry and the days getting darker and darker. All my friends were with their families anyway so there wasn't anything to do except staying warm at home, stuffing my stomach with food and listening to the everlasting rerun of Home Alone while painting quietly next to the heater. Despite the weather it was comforting. The whole place smelled like food, and each and every houses in the street shined in the night with vibrant lights. The boys had both texted me with greetings and pictures of their colorful tree, letting me take a peak at their home, like a peeping tom trying to get a glimpse in between the curtains. A member of their family must've taken the picture because the twins were posing next to the huge tree, wearing their traditional ugly sweaters as Josh had mentioned before. Jake was holding Josh on his shoulders, purposely looking silly with a big toothy grin on his face, while Josh was dangerously reaching out to put the golden star on top of the highest branch, looking like he was screaming when the picture had been taken.

It had been a week and I missed them already. And the thought of getting them presents was knocking more and more at the door of my mind. We didn't live in the same city at all afterall so we sure didn't have the same souvenirs... Lost in thought, I played with Jake's rings, idly making them turn around my fingers as they were too big for them. The boy had forgotten them at the top of Mandy and I's fridge after our paint fight. When I saw they were still where he had left them, the urge to take them with me to play with them at all times was too big for me to resist. Removing one from my index finger, I studied it, enjoying the way it rolled between my digits. Of course I'll give them back to him, but in the meantime maybe that'll help with the Christmas present...

Coming back to school after the holidays was always a challenge, but after New Year's Eve it was even worse. We all went back two or three days sooner in order to unpack, get re-accustomed to living in the dorms and finish our homework, for some of us who had more space to work here than at their home. Even with the only presence of the dorms' residents, campus looked like a scene from The Walking Dead, and the twins were no exception. They already seemed to enjoy booze a little too much for their own good on a regular basis, so I didn't even wanted to think about how they partied for New Year's Eve. Despite their excitment to see us again when we met in the morning, Josh still looked slightly drunk, and Jake had purple bags under his eyes like he didn't sleep in years. Everybody melted together in a tight group hug, Mandy by my side and a twin on each of my shoulders, exchanging « I missed you »s and « Happy New Year »s. They didn't let us any time to recover though, as Josh had the fantastic idea to organize a private Christmas party in his room. Jake blinked at him, looking like he didn't know about it in the slightlest until just now.

- I really missed ya, y'know ? So I thought we should arrange a party, just for us.

- Should we exchange gifts ?, asked Mandy.

- I already have some for you, shrugged Josh as if it was normal.

That info made Jake's eyebrows rise so much they nearly disappeared in his hairline, further proof that he was learning that at the same time as we were. Mandy, on the other hand, was now stressed out because she had no idea what to give them. Man they were already tiring me and school hasn't even started yet.

Jake accompanied us downtown to shop, trying to be discreet everytime something behind the showcase of a store piqued his interest, while Mandy directly asked him what he wanted and which gift Josh would like better. That's how I found myself between these two, not having found the good timing to tell them I already had gifts for the lot of them. At some point I had try to offer Josh my help with the decoration of the room but he heavily insisted that he handled the situation before dismissing me. The boy looked way too excited and it only meant two things ; either his family spiked their cookies or he had an idea in mind. I had a bad feeling about this.

- Mama, can you come here a sec ?

In the paved road, Jake stood in front of an illuminated jewelry store, beanie in head and hands buried in his jacket pockets, asking for me to come closer with a movement of his chin. We both glanced at Mandy who was nowhere to be seen, probably visiting a store and browsing everything that was on their shelves.

- What do you think ?, he said while keeping his eyes on a cute necklace.

It wasn't an expensive jewelry store, and it didn't look like the others either. Nothing in gold or with diamonds, instead they seemed to specialize in stones and cristals in all their forms. Following his gaze, I found resting on a rack a small purple pendant made of a stone I didn't recognize hanging on a silver chain.

- I think it's beautiful.

- Yeah ? Come, let's try it on you so I can have a better idea.

A rush of warmth surrounded us as soon as he pushed the door open, making the bell attached to it ring, announcing our entrance. Stones of every color from every country decorated the shelves, either mounted on jewelry or unembellished, resting on baskets and sorted by genre. Jake was quick to explain what he wanted once the seller came to us, letting me no time to play with agates and reading their properties. With great care, she took the collar out of its rack and waited for me to open my jacket, showing my bare neck for her to attach it around.

- It looks pretty, she said in a half-sincere, half-selling tone.

Two pairs of eyes were scrutinizing me as I stood unmoving with a uncomfortable smile on my face, not really knowing what to do. Did it gave him a better idea of what it'd look like on Mandy ? Or was I just standing there looking like a fool ? After several seconds of watching my bare neck, Jake finally nodded.

- Yeah, it'll look good on her. I'll take it. Can you go out to make sure she's not coming our way, doll ?

Obliging, I found my way on the street again, crossing it as I buttoned my coat, catching a glimpse of Mandy's silhouette in a clothing store, way more crowded than the shop I was just seconds ago. Waiting in line to checkout and giggling excitedly, she showed me the colorful knee socks she had found for Josh, as well as a bottle of aged honey whisky for Jake. I rolled my eyes at that. Weren't they drinking enough already ? However, she was spot on, I was sure the boys were gonna love their gifts. Queuing was always a pain, fortunately for us now that the holidays were over, people had fewer reasons to shop and sales had begun, which pushed Mandy to drag me to the nearest shop to buy a dress for our get together tonight. Unsold sparkly New Year's Eve dresses were all over the place, cheaper than ever, and what my roomie believed was a golden opportunity. And maybe she was right, I mean even between friends, it was still a party, and I enjoyed being dressed accordingly to where I was going, even if Josh didn't specified a dress code (thank goodness). The sun was already setting by the time we got out of the store with huge paper bags around our arms, only to find Jake at the other side of the road chatting with two girls. Mandy frowned at that.

- Since when does he have other friends than us ?

- MANDY !, I exclaimed while smacking her arm. Maybe they're from his class or something, I don't know. Should we join them ?

- Why wouldn't we ?

Without further ado, she crossed the paved avenue and in a heartbeat, was already making conversation with the girls while I dragged myself to the small group, not really wanting to meet them. One of them was all smiles and laughs and kept putting her hand on his arm which made me both pissed and uneasy. Part of me knew he was taken anyway so I didn't care, but apart from this limited portion of reason, every other fiber of my body got shaken by a sudden wave of jealousy at how close to him they were standing. My only need right now was to grab his arm and pull him away from those two. The most unreasonable and egotistic part of me even screamed that if I couldn't have him then no one could. This one represented only a mere percent, as I wasn't insane and knew it was all jealousy talking. The thing with Jake is that you could never know if he was interested or flirting back because of the Kiszka Gene. Even if he wasn't as flamboyant as his twin who acted like flirting was as vital to him as breathing, he still had that charming aura, with his smirk, low voice and light chuckles.

- Will you play again ?

- I don't know, replied Jake honestly, but we'd love to !

Noticing we were waiting for him, the brunette excused himself and we all grabbed a Uber to go home. So this was the reason why they were fawning over him. Maybe it was naive but it never occured to me before that this could have been the aftermath of their concert. Yet it made perfect sense, they were gifted, handsome young men, how could girls not hit on them ? Especially after that guitar solo. And while it made me nervous, I was also overcome with a sense of pride. They were becoming popular on school ground, will probably make a ton of friends now, Josh will find someone to love, that is if he wanted to, and it was just the beginning. More festivals were awaiting  them, and with their talent they could no doubt play in bars too. I knew they wouldn't replace us or forget about us, even if a tiny sentiment of dread kept creeping its way to my head making me think that, maybe, they'd find some more interesting people to hang out with.

Taking this very seriously, Josh denied any of us the entry to his room, texting Jake to hang out with Sam and Danny, and us to wait for his signal. Poor Jake couldn't come with us because we had to change and wrap our gifts, which we did rapidly in order to be ready when Josh called, but the man took so long we were half lying on the kitchen table for an hour when my phone rang and he shouted excitedly in my ear, making me lose 70% of my earing ability in the process.

Rummaging noises came from the other side of the door when we stood there waiting in front of it, Mandy sometimes knocking to make sure everything was alright before Josh replied screaming it was FINE.

- What the hell is he doing, I giggled, planting a Christmas tree ?

We burst out laughing imagining it before realization came to us and Mandy knocked some more,  this time both with urgence and anticipation asking him to open the door. They were both yelling through the it by the time Jake arrived, already chuckling at the sight, a colorful paperbag in hand.

- What's going on here ?

The instant he stepped into my field of view my eyes instantly followed every one of his movements, completely captivated by the sight. He looked stunning, less pale than this morning, with his hair brushed and neatly resting on his shoulders, wearing a black striped suit that matched the shape of his body, making him look taller, slimmer. Before Mandy could explain what was happening, Jake took in the sight of us, in party dresses, looking positively surprised. The boy turned to me, studying the details of my face and makeup, then the classic little black dress I had put on.

- You look very pretty.

He didn't say it out loud, and Mandy didn't notice because she was back to her shouting anyway, letting me startled and stupefied, mouth agape. The heat that came rushing to my face made me snap out of it and a shy « thank you » escaped from my lips, face looking the over way. As a new habit, my fingers rubbed together in order to make the rings turn around them, and it's how I realized I wasn't wearing them because I had to give them back to Jake. His brother took this opportunity to slam the door open, interrupting me at the same time. Big smile on his lips, he looked good in his dark slacks and navy blue shirt that for once was buttoned up. Always the charming one, Josh complimented us on our dresses and hair, looking at it carefully and asking us to come in first, taking us both by the hand. It looked... fantastic. Little « woah »s were murmured as we entered the unrecognizable room. Scented candles were spreading a sweet and spicey perfume in the air. The walls were decorated with shiny stars and socks full of candy canes. Light strings glowing dimly crossed the room, hanging from the ceiling. A big Christmas tree had found its place in a corner, near the desk now full of pastries and bottles of various rather posh alcohols like champagne and wine. Slow Christmas songs played faintly as background noise and the kitchen table had been moved to the bedroom, where Josh's presents were already waiting patiently under the tree to get unwrapped. I couldn't believe my eyes, nor that the boy would put so much effort into this party.

Mandy sniffed the air.

- Did you cook ?

- Yes I did, please have a seat.

The cheerful boy excused himself before disappearing into the kitchen, his movements being followed by distant rattling noises while we did as ordered. Noticing the petticoat of my dress getting caught in the edge of the chair, Jake pulled it for me, like a true gentleman.

- I swear I don't know what got into his head, he mumbled while unbutonning his suit jacket. He's been really gleeful all week end. I have no idea what's cooking and won't ever be in peace until I find out.

It made us three laugh but Jake had a point, I noticed that Josh was way too joyous all of a sudden and doubted it was solely from the pleasure of our reunion. The curly haired boy was so excited he almost tripped on the carpet while carrying the mashed potatoes bowl, and I could see Jake's stress level rise in the corner of my eye, from where he sat next to me completely still. Even though Josh had planned enough food to feed an entire regiment and always insisted to fill our plates, we had a pleasant dinner. It was no surprise the Kiszkas were chefs now, the meals were as good as in a restaurant, and the bottles Josh chose to accompany them matched perfectly, creating great combinations of flavors. We were just tipsy enough for our cheeks to color, giggling excitedly together, screaming and messing around, playfully teasing or mocking each other. Despite the good natured atmosphere, I could sense that Jake was forcing it just a tad too much. His toothy grins fell quickly every time he thought no one was watching, and when he took a sip of his glass of wine the dark bags under his eyes made me worry a bit. His face was still very pale and when he wasn't beaming it looked like something entirely else was on his mind, and not something positive judging by the number of times he got lost in thought during a conversation.

By the time Josh brought the cake to our table we were half dead, stuffed to the gills, all groaning in chorus, pain settling in our stomachs just by imagining having to make more room in there.

- Can you guys give me a hand to clean this mess ?, asked the older twin.

- Yeah of course !, Jake and I replied at the same time.

- Can you wash the dishes while Mandy and I clean and push back the table ?

Without further ado, we took the remaining dessert plates to the kitchen, letting water fill the sink while Jake removed his striped jacket, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows before taking place next to me and grabbing the sponge. And while at first we were playing with water and splashing each other with it in a childish manner, the room became rapidly quiet. It's when I witnessed Jake rubbing the same dish for several seconds, completely disconnected from reality, that I stepped in.

- Tell me.

Seemingly remembering where he was but not completely knowing what he missed, the brunette sent me a lost look.

- « I can see there's something bothering you », I mimicked with an overly rough voice, remembering the time he said the same thing to me few weeks ago.

- It's nothing.

Now that made me frown. Even someone who didn't know him could tell by his somber attitude that something was up. Carefully placing another glass on the shelf, I wiped my hands and turned to him.

- Did something happen during Christmas Holiday ? You barely talked about it. Oh, or are you too shy to tell me how your date with Mina went ?

Even if it pained me to evoke this topic with him, talking about something that he loved was my best shot at making him cheer up. However, my jiggly eyebrows and mischevious elbowing were a total failure.

- It's over.

Refusing to look me in the eye, Jake cleared his throat, casually grabbing another fork as if it didn't matter at all and we were just discussing the weather. That made me froze.

- What ?, was all I could muster, voice now low, barely audible.

The boy sighed, probably recalling the memories, speaking with an artificial tone as if he already told this story too many times.

- We went to the restaurant and she told me we needed to talk. That she couldn't be with me anymore. That she felt we were growing apart from each other. That every time I was with her, I wasn't really there, and that we had less and less things in common. Basically that I'm a shitty boyfriend that doesn't have any time for her, and she left before even ordering anything.

His hands tightened around the hem of the sink, and I was now the one being uncomfortable, shifting uneasily and scratching the back of my arm. Of all the things he could've told me, I wasn't prepared for that. Jake looked crestfallen, and I didn't know what to do or say to make him feel better. Carefully, I placed a supportive hand on his back, rubbing small circles on the fabric of his shirt, trying to meet his eyes as he kept his head subbornly fixed on the sink before him.

- Hey, I said in the softest tone I possessed. Maybe it's not the end, you know ? Maybe it was just in the spur of the moment and she'll change her mind.

What was I even doing ? Shouldn't I be happy about it ? A lot of people would've been but... I was at this point where seeing him smile, whatever it took, was far more important to me than my personal interests. Jake didn't tense nor tried to get away from me, which was a good sign. The boy simply shook his head, lips a tight line, before our eyes finally met.

- No, she's right. It was over way before that. And I feel stupid for not realizing sooner.

- You're not a shitty boyfriend, Jake. I'm sure you're the best out there.

I wasn't certain we were still on that, but I felt like it was important to point this out. There was absolutely no way I'd let him believe that, or even look down on himself. No way. As his way of saying he got me, Jake offered me a heart warming smile, completely turning to me now while I retrieved my hand off his back.

- I'm not that sad y'know ? I had plenty of time to digest the whole situation and rationalize it. But I gotta admit I like the attention. Won't you rub my back some more ?

As backup to his words, the boy pointed his back my direction, a smirk adorning his features. That earned him a splash of water in the face. I couldn't believe he would tease me in a situation like that ! I was dead serious and concerned about him, yet he found the way to make us both laugh and play with bubbly dishwashing water again, splattering everything on the kitchen counter and dishes we just wiped. It felt good hearing him laugh again, cackling like a maniac while I tried to take shelter behind an open cupboard. His white shirt was completely damp and see-through, pants wet and hair a mess. It didn't take him long to take me out of my hideout though, purposefully pressing his soggy shirt to my dry back, making me screech. Never knowing when to stop, Jake also took great pleasure in messing up my hair, before our shared hilarity made him slip on a patch of water and fall gracefully on his ass. A whole second passed where we studied each other to make sure no one was hurt before my roaring laughter took over me, one arm around my painful stomach and the other pointing at his now completely soaked butt on the ground. Before I knew it, a vengeful Jake had already dragged me in his fall, drenching my dress in dishwashing water. We were still playfully hand fighting when Josh's frame at the door coughed loudly. We both froze in place, shooting our heads to him, Jake lying on the floor with my wrists still secured between his fingers and my face almost completely covered by hair. The sink water was still running, water was everywhere even in some cupboards, the dishtowels were ruined, and the kitchen looked like a typhoon had just visited the place. Eyebrows raised high and arms crossed over his chest, Josh looked like a father who'd just witnessed his two kids wrecking havoc at home and was thinking hard of a way to punish them.

- Mandy !, Josh called behind him. You were right, they ruined the kitchen !

- Told you, they did the same to ours with paint, came Mandy's reply in the other room.

A sheepish grin spread on both of our faces, and Josh couldn't contain his, shaking his head in disbelief. He disappeared into the bedroom after telling us to clean our mess, because it was what we were supposed to do in the first place, leaving us sitting face to face in a puddle of water, still giggling like children.

[nessa-is-bored]

100 reasons why I love Lee Taeyong

I’m not good at making gifs or making fancy video edits with emotional music playing in the background, so instead I give you some of the reasons why I adore Taeyong. Happy birthday to an absolute angel!

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1. I love how he’s an amazing leader and someone who his members can always rely on.

2. I love how much he loves Ruby and how he talks about her fondly.

3. I love how much he always thinks of the fans, and tells us to take care of ourselves.

4. I love how humble he stays, no matter how many opportunities he and NCT get, he always says it’s because of us, NCTZENs.

5. I love how even the earpiece he wears on stage is a dedication to NCTZENs.

6. I love how passionate he is during every performance. It doesn’t matter if the venue is big or small, he gives his all during every stage.

7. I love how much Taeyong loves music. He’s involved in creating NCT’s music and you can just tell how much he loves being in the studio.

8. I love the passion he has for his job. An idol who just cares about making money can’t compare to an idol who genuinely loves what they do. And I can see and feel, with all of Taeyong’s performances, that he loves the stage.

9. I love how much Taeyong wants to be acknowledged for more than his looks and how he works hard every single day to make that happen.

10. I love how beautiful Taeyong looks when he genuinely smiles.

11. I love how precious his laughter is. It’s like music to my ears when I hear that man laugh.

12. I love how Taeyong puts others before himself and how selfless he is.

13. I love how Taeyong tries his best to speak to fans in their native language when he visits a new place.

14. I love how big of a heart he has.

15. Taeyong is the cutest when he sees animals and pets them, I love that so much 😊

16. I love that he loves plushies so much! I mean, how much cuter can he freaking get?

17. I love him because he set up a scholarship to help students in school.

18. I love that he has had this scholarship set up since he debuted and he didn’t do it to make himself look good, he did it out of the kindness of his heart. If the principal of that school hadn’t said anything, we wouldn’t even know about it.

19. I love how he finds time in his busy schedule to volunteer.

20. I love how he makes sure every member is given a chance to speak if they want to during interviews.

21. I love how Taeyong is constantly trying to better himself, as a performer and a person.

22. I love that he once said he tries to keep his opinions of things to himself so that each member can comfortably come to him and express their thoughts.

23. I love how versatile he is. I feel like there’s no concept that Taeyong can’t pull off!

24. I love how much he loves sweets.

25. And I love that when he goes live and is eating sweets, he looks so happy and overall precious!

26. I love that when he is live he just talks to us as if he were catching up with a friend.

27. I love how excited he gets talking about his day and about his music while he’s live.

28. I love the pictures he takes in every new place he visits to share with us.

29. I love every photo shoot he’s ever done with dispatch.

30. And I love how cutely he greets dispatch photographers at the airports.

31. I love that when he feels the beat he just starts dancing.

32. I love the expressions he make while he’s dancing.

33. I love the dance he choreographed for Whiplash. Iconic!

34. I love how stunning he looks when he wears headbands.

35. I love how pretty he looks with bobby pins in his hair.

36. I love how I swore no one could pull off a mullet, but somehow he could do it.

37. I love how he can make any hair color work because he’s Lee Taeyong

38. He can work any hair color but I love Taeyong with black hair because he looks like a prince. And black hair with a suit? Forget about it! That boy has me weak.

39. I love how fluffy his hair can look and how soft it looks when he runs his fingers through it.

40. I love his nose and I wanna boop it!

41. I love his side profile, but then again, Taeyong’s perfect from any angle.

42. I love how he dresses and how clothes are another way for him to express himself

43. I love the customizations he adds to his clothes to make them even more unique.

44. I love how cute he looks in oversized clothing.

45. And I love how cute he looks in glasses

46. Taeyong’s hands. I love them.

47. I love that he can cook. Men who can cook themselves and others a meal are sexy and that’s that.

48. I love the Halloween costumes he comes up with every year.

49. I love how he looks in sparkly clothes.

50. I love how he sometimes (almost always) gets shy when he gets compliments. You would think he’d be used to them by now but he still turns into the cutest, shy bub when he gets one.

51. I love how absolutely beautiful Taeyong looks in unedited, fan pictures.

52. I especially love how he looks in Tyrant Syndrome’s photos.

53. I love how adorable he was when some of the members went on the bridge and he was scared the whole way through it.

54. I love that he wrote the lyrics to their predebut song ‘Piece of Mind’

55. I love how my eyes are just drawn to him during NCT performances.

56. I love that when Angel of Mine comes up on my playlist, the first person to pop into my head is Lee Taeyong.

57. Also when I hear ‘God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on You’ I always think of Taeyong as well.

58. I love what a dork he can be.

59. I love how precious he can be when he’s sulking.

60. I love that he’s learning to play the ukulele. Can’t wait for his first, full ukulele cover!

61. I think we all loved when Mr. Lee Taeyong performed ‘Wakey-Wakey’ in a fucking crop top. That was a moment!

62. I loved watching Taeyong perform ‘Baby Don’t Like It’ live because that performance nearly ended me.

63. I love every fan cam of Taeyong performing ‘Cherry Bomb’, that’s just his fucking song!

64. Oh and also, I have to mention that Mark and Taeyong performing ‘Mad City’ is one of the best things ever! I love that shit as well.

65. I love the pretty earrings he wears.

66. I love Taeyong in all the ‘Boss’ era outfits and I want everyone to freaking know that.

67. I love how he can make walking through an airport look like a runway fashion show.

68. I love how on stage he’s so charismatic and powerful and off stage he’s the cutest bub ever.

69. I love how he’s taken care of the Dreamies since they were young and how Jisung said he wanted to be like Taeyong when he grew up.

70. I love how when he’s with Johnny and Yuta, he’s suddenly the cutest baby.

71. I love how he lets his members tease him. I mean, they kept that TY Track joke going for a while and he always just laughed it off.

72. I love how he and Doyoung are always bickering.

73. I love how much he loves his nephew and how happy he is when he talks about him.

74. I love how much he’s come out of his shell since his debut days. I mean that cute Taeyong we know now wasn’t the image he was giving us during debut days.

75. I love that he’s comfortable in his body. And all you people who wanna comment on his, or anyone’s bodies, need to not. If he’s comfortable then that’s that.

76. I love how during his debut stages, Taeyong never ever slacked even when he was the only member who the “fans” wouldn’t cheer for.

77. I love how when a fan expressed that they missed OT10 while Winwin wasn’t promoting with NCT 127, Taeyong said that he did as well and that one day they’d all be together again. He also said not to be sad.

78. And as much as people want to act like NCT ignore WayV, I love how Taeyong mentions them during a lot of his lives.

79. And I love that when Winwin was added to NCT, Taeyong went out of his way to make him feel comfortable and to make sure he had the choreography down.

80. I love how the position of leader isn’t something he takes lightly. He monitors NCT’s performances and works with the staff to make them the best.

81. I love and admire how when Jungwoo was nervous backstage, Taeyong was there comforting him.

82. I love how Taeyong is slowly getting more involved in the production side of music. I think in the future he’s really going to give us even more gems and I’m looking forward to it.

83. I love when he allows himself to be confident in his skills, because he has every right to be.

84. We don’t hear it enough but I love Taeyong’s singing voice, and I hope I get to hear it more often.

85. I love his rapping style and I don’t care what you bitches try to say, I think he’s a freaking amazing rapper.

86. I love Taeyong’s lyrics. And I love how some are slightly suggestive, some are like an insight into his thoughts, some are just plain weird, but I freaking love them all. I love the fact that there’s a variety and that he can write about several topics.

87. I love how in My Van, he not so subtly tells people that being an SM idol doesn’t mean they have it easier or don’t work as hard as others.

88. I love the predebut song he performs with Kun and Doyoung, Switch Off. It’s a masterpiece and everyone needs to go listen to it!

89. I love how absolutely adorable and precious he looks when he pouts.

90. I love how when NCT wins an award or a weekly music show, Taeyong thanks, not only us, but the members families as well.

91. I love how Taeyong keeps post it notes that fans give him to read them back later.

92. I love how he tries his best to talk to fans during fansigns, even when the staff is rushing them

93. I love how big his eyes are and I like that they look like they’re shining.

94. I love the look on Taeyong’s face when he looks out into a crowd of fans.

95. I love watching him grow. I still remember watching Open the Door back in 2014 and becoming and instant fan! And to see how much he’s grown as a performer and person since that day, just amazes me.

96. I love how much his seniors adore him because he’s so respectful towards them. BoA, Yunho, and Heechul, just to name a few, talk great about Taeyong.

97. I love him because he literally pushes through the pain just to put on the best performance for us. He shouldn’t have to do that, but he does and I love him for always doing his absolute best despite the circumstances.

98. I love how Taeyong once said that it won’t be easy for us to like him and how now he’s learning to love himself and to let himself be loved by others.

99. I love how strong he is, because he puts up with so much and has put up with so much unnecessary hate since his debut.

100. I love how happy being his fan makes me. My world doesn’t revolve around an idol, but Taeyong is one of the few things in life that makes me happy. I’ll support him forever and alway!

[changeling-fae]

I didn’t get any asks but I really wanted to do this so here we go!

1. What’s their name? Is there a reason why they were named that?

Maris (mah-riss) is Melody and Talbott’s son and Lorelei (lora-lie) is their daughter. Since Melody’s line has merfolk in it, it was important to keep the sea ties to their lineage.

2. Who are their parents? What’s their relationship with them?

Melody Prince and Talbott Winger are their parents and they have a very close relationship. This is definitely due to Melody and Talbott’s family trauma and their desire to make sure their kids didn’t endure what they endured.

3. Which relative do they resemble the most? Why?

Maris is not only the son of Talbott but is also the son of a Prince and all the Prince men are reserved and aloof.

That being said he is more... mischievous? He’s too smart for his own good and thanks to being a legilimens he knows a lot of secrets. I’d say he’s a good blend of both parents.

Lorelei is also a good blend but her aloofness is more whimsical than serious. She’s also a legilimens but doesn’t use secrets as a weapon like her brother. She’s a poet like her father and writes her own songs.

4. How much did MC influence their growth?

Quite a bit, she grew up feeling abandoned by her family and never wanted her children to feel that. She and Talbott make sure that their kids know that they’re loved.

5. How much did Jacob influenced their growth?

Assuming he survives the game, he doesn’t have too much influence. He and Melody’s relationship was never able to fully heal.

He’s of course welcome to the family and he does visit occasionally but he felt guilt for what he put his sister through and thought he didn’t deserve his place in her life.

6. Describe their wand.

Maris’ wand is 11in Elm wood with a scale from his great-grandmother’s tail.

“The unfounded belief that only pure-bloods can produce magic from elm wands was undoubtedly started by some elm wand owner seeking to prove his own blood credentials, for I have known perfect matches of elm wands who are Muggle-borns. The truth is that elm wands prefer owners with presence, magical dexterity and a certain native dignity. Of all wand woods, elm, in my experience, produces the fewest accidents, the least foolish errors, and the most elegant charms and spells; these are sophisticated wands, capable of highly advanced magic in the right hands (which, again, makes it highly desirable to those who espouse the pure-blood philosophy).”

Lorelei’s wand is 12in Beech wood also with a scale from her great-grandmother.

“The true match for a beech wand will be, if young, wise beyond his or her years, and if full-grown, rich in understanding and experience. Beech wands perform very weakly for the narrow-minded and intolerant. Such wizards and witches, having obtained a beech wand without having been suitably matched (yet coveting this most desirable, richly hued and highly prized wand wood), have often presented themselves at the homes of learned wandmakers such as myself, demanding to know the reason for their handsome wand’s lack of power. When properly matched, the beech wand is capable of a subtlety and artistry rarely seen in any other wood, hence its lustrous reputation.”

7. Do they have any pets? If not, how do they feel towards animals in general?

Basically just as many pets that Melody had growing up. They’re animagi like their parents and are good with animals, especially aquatic ones and birds.

8. How much of the Magical World have they already experienced before they started attending Hogwarts?

They were born into it, with Melody being a healer for St Mungo’s (and later Hogwarts) and Talbott being an Auror. They grew up in Melody’s childhood home which is tied to a magical reserve for aquatic magical creatures.

9. Do they have any muggle based interests?

Maris finds psychology and science fascinating. He can often be found reading muggle doctors textbooks. He’s also a big fan of HP Lovecraft, mostly because he finds the concept of muggles finding fish people horrifying hilarious.

Lorelei loves muggle music and has gone to quite a few concerts. People might be surprised to find that her favorite is heavy metal.

10. In which house were they sorted? How much do they fit the Sorting Hat choice?

Maris gets sorted into Slytherin like his mother and definitely fits his house. He’s cunning, ambitious, and very resourceful. He’s also John Oliver level of trolling ability.

Lorelei was sorted into Ravenclaw like her father and she also very much fits her house, especially the creative and independent part. She’s very open minded like her mother too (who had been a hatstall with Ravenclaw).

11. Which is the general opinion about them?

Maris is a sparkly, hot (heart of gold) asshole and Lorelei is a mysterious, whimsical space cadet.

Maris is following his uncles footsteps in having a bit of a fan club. The only difference is he’s more into it and will absolutely use it to his advantage.

Lorelei is the only one who can easily knock him off his pedestal when she feels his head is getting too big.

Lorelei is incredibly intelligent like her family but she’s such a daydreamer that upon first meetings, many people think she’s just an airhead.

12. What do the professors and the other people working at the school think about them?

Kind of a combination “oh no” and “huh, they’re not too bad”.

Maris and Lorelei are good students even with their quirks and they will never be as bad as Melody in breaking the rules.

13. Is there a professor they highly respect? Is there instead a professor they can’t stand at all?

Flitwick is a favorite to both kids and they respect McGonagall as Headmistress.

(If Snape were alive they’d like him to, especially Lorelei).

There isn’t really a professor they dislike but Maris likes messing with Trelawney because he finds it fun, especially being a legilimens.

14. Talk about their favorite subjects.

Maris loves DADA, herbology, and flying the most. He’s also really into arithmancy and astronomy.

Lorelei loves potions, charms, and divination. She’s good at transfiguration too.

15. Talk about their least favorite subjects.

For Maris, HoM, he just gets so bored and isn’t really a history fan.

For Lorelei, DADA, she’s just not an aggressive person by nature and is more passive in how she views the world.

16. Do they possess a broom? If not, do they have another devices that allows them to fly?

They do but they prefer to fly in their animagi forms. Maris is a belted kingfisher and Lorelei is a diving petrel.

17. What do they think about Quidditch? Are they part of the Quidditch team? If yes, in which role do they play?

Maris actually becomes seeker for Slytherin and quite good at it but he’s weirdly enough not really a fan at watching other teams. He just likes the thrill and competition but only when he’s involved.

Lorelei doesn’t care about Quidditch at all but she does watch on the days her brother plays.

18. Do they attend other club activities at school?

Maris becomes a Prefect and is the leader of the Gobstones club. He’s just as bad as his mom in leaving no survivors in the game.

Lorelei is part of the Frog Choir and is also a member of the potions club.

19. Have they developed any peculiar skill, magical or not?

Both are legilimens like their mother and animagi like their parents.

Maris is good at strategy games and enjoys muggle poker.

Lorelei is good with her hands and is actually a pretty good masseuse.

20. List five things they like.

For Maris; Intellectual stimulus, trolling people, swimming, fishing, and flying.

For Lorelei; Singing, song writing/poetry, swimming, making wind chimes, muggle aquariums.

21. List five things they dislike.

For Maris; Ignorance, blood purists, incompetency, boredom, hypocrites.

For Lorelei; Close mindedness, cruelty, assumptions, blood purists, dishonesty.

22. Have they any interest in dating? Have they a crush on someone? How do you think this someone feel about them?

Maris is a serial flirt and Lorelei believes things will happen when they happen. Haven’t thought further than that.

23. Are they able to cast a Patronus? If yes, what animal does it represent?

Yep, Maris patronus is the same as his animagus form as a kingfisher (so his form and patronus match just like his father).

Lorelei’s patronus is a moon jellyfish (so differs just like her mother).

24. What’s their greatest fear? How does it translate into their boggart?

Probably losing their parents or each other, they have a very happy childhood and would be devastated if something suddenly happened.

Boggart would be a dead loved one.

25. What’s their greatest weakness? How do they deal with it?

For Maris, probably hubris. He’s very proud of his skills and actually does work hard to maintain them so if he suddenly couldn’t succeed at something he put effort into, it would damage his esteem.

He’d turn to his mother for advice after a lot of angst because he knows that he got his overachiever attitude from her.

Lorelei’s weakness is probably passivity, as in she’s not really proactive. She’s fine with things just happening to her instead of seeking it out.

It’s mostly her brother who gets her to be more proactive, usually through brotherly teasing.

26. Is there an objective they’re trying to accomplish?

For Maris, be the top of his class and for Lorelei just graduate.

27. How do they change throughout their school years?

Maris becomes more cocky midway through but he settles down by graduation.

Lorelei becomes less dependent on her family and more comfortable with her place in the world.

28. Talk about their relationship with the other Fankids.

If anyone wants to their fankids to be friends with mine, please let me know because that would be awesome! (please)

29. Are they the “bully”, the “victim” or the “hero” of the situation?

Maris isn’t a bully per se, he’s not cruel, he just likes to tease people, but he does troll people he thinks deserves it (like bigots).

Lorelei is very accepting of people no matter their quirks so if someone needs help she’s good at making people feel good.

30. Use a meme to describe them.

Maris

Lorelei

[dailyaudiobible]

1/16/2022 DAB Transcript

Genesis 32:13-34:31, Matthew 11:7-30, Psalm 14:1-7, Proverbs 3:19-20

Today is the 16th day of January, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is wonderful to be here with you today as well, as we reach out and grab the doorknob and throw open the threshold and walk into a brand-new shiny sparkly week and this is the third time that we've been able to greet a brand-new week, in this sparkly brand-new year. So, let's take the next right step forward, which will lead us back into the Scriptures. We will read from the New Living Translation this week and we’ll do what we do every day, pick up where we left off yesterday. In Genesis, Jacob has finally dealt with the Laban, his uncle, and that separation is final. He's on his way back to his homeland. But he’s got a brother out in front of him and the last time they were around each other, this brother, named Esau wanted Jacob dead because of all the trickery. And Jacob has been informed that his brother Esau is on his way to greet him with 400 men and whether or not that's a good or a bad thing, well let's find out, Genesis chapter 32 verse 13 through 34 verse 31.

Commentary:

Okay so, in our time in the book of Genesis today a pretty pivotal thing happens. Jacob gets a name change, after an all-night wrestling match and his name becomes Israel, which means one who wrestles with God and in so many ways that is a theme that we will see over and over and over. So, basically Jacob was returning to his homeland, knew that his brother Esau was there, knew that there was a tremendous amount of animosity between Esau and Jacob when he had left, in fact Esau wanted to kill Jacob. So, it's been a couple of decades and nobody is the same as they were a couple of decades ago, so a lot has changed but he doesn't really know how Esau is gonna react and he's coming with 400 men so he pretty much does everything that he can think of to do to give himself some kind of defensive posture and he starts sending gifts of animals in front of him so that, as Esau encounters this train basically of gifts coming his way before he meets Esau, that Esau will understand that Jacob is coming in peace, that Jacob is coming humbly and Jacob does what he can to protect his wives and children, and his possessions. And then he spends the night alone when this wrestling match happens and there has been a very, very long running, like centuries long-running discussion about who Jacob was actually wrestling with, was this just some random guy that wanted to have a long wrestling match, was this Esau his brother or was this God because, based on the text alone you could think any of those three things. So, the Scripture says, a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. When the man saw that he would not win the match he touched Jacob's hip and wrenched it out a socket and then the man said let me go. The dawn is breaking and Jacob says no I’m not gonna let you go unless you bless me. That's a clue right there though because Jacob had stolen right, he went through deception and taken the blessing of his father, Isaac, that was intended for Esau. So, you can see Jacob holding onto this person for this blessing, if it's his brother in an attempt to make things right between them. But this blessing that gets offered includes a name change, which is something that God initiated with Abram, changing his name to Abraham. So, in the text for us watching it we would like who is this and then Jacob asked the important question, tell me your name. But the person replies, why do you want to know my name and then he blesses Jacob so, we don't get to know the name but then Jacob names the place where this wrestling match happen Peniel, which means face of God. Jacob says I have seen God face-to-face, yet my life has been spared. So, we can't really say for certain, with whom this wrestling match is taking place, but it's a pivotal moment because this is when Jacob becomes Israel, and this is the first time for us to have this kind of reference. So, now we know Jacob's children, Israel's children, are the children of Israel and that is important because as we've already mentioned previously, it is their story that we are reading.

Prayer:

And so, Father, we thank You for Your word and we thank You for the Scriptures. Thank You for all that we can learn and glean and orient ourselves toward as we move systematically day-by-day, step-by-step through the Scriptures. We are grateful for that; we are grateful for this brand-new week that we have entered. We humble ourselves before You and ask for Your leadership and Your comfort and Your counsel and we pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hi this is Ivy from Missouri. The last time I called in was last year. I don’t even know where to start, I just feel like my life is going nowhere. And I believe in Lord Jesus Christ, I know He lives in me but it just seems like maybe it’s the winter, maybe it’s my situation but since my husband has passed almost two years ago, I just feel like I’m so alone and I’ve got four beautiful children but I feel like I’m the only one that professes my belief in Christ. They used to but they don’t anymore. I especially need to know how to handle my daughter Veronica, who is such a lover of animals sometimes it just gets in our ways of being loving to each other. And please Lord I just pray that you would help her too. Understand that I do love her, I don’t know what I’m trying to say I just know that I need some help here in knowing how to go on loving them and letting them know that Jesus loves them too. Just pray for me please. Lord Jesus, thank You for this program Amen.

Hi DAB fam this is Asia from the City of Angels. And I do want to report that this has been my first year with the Daily Audio Bible and I just want to thank the Harding family so much for this platform. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, Jill. Thank you, China. Thank you, Ezekiel. Thank you for all of your contributions as a family to spreading the word of God and drawing people near to Him through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. So, thank you so much, this has been definitely life-changing for myself and I recently asked my daughter if she’d be interested to start listening as well. And she started listening this year. So, I just pray that it feeds into her like it has so many of us. But that's actually not really why I'm calling and actually calling to covet your prayers for a young man out here as I'm sure you all know and see that Los Angeles, we have so many homeless people, like many other cities but I think we have more than most other cities. We have thousands upon thousands at least 80 maybe 100,000 homeless people at any given time. And there's a young man I recently saw sitting down in front of the 99-cent store and honestly it was last Sunday and the Lord provoked me to speak with him. So, I sat down and talked with him and his name is Cyrus, he's 25 years old. He knows the Lord. He just feels completely abandoned by Him. He's angry. So please pray for him. His name is Cyrus. Thank you. God bless you all.

Happy New Year! May 2022 be the greatest year and with God it will be. I can say, life if wonderful. February the 19th I will be 86 years old living life more abundantly. May the blessings to the Harding family be great and all involved in making this wonderful platform. I’m retired now for 30 years. I listen to all…all programs; the chronological order, Proverbs, Psalms, Ezekiel, oh and definitely the DAB. This is Dorothy Jean from Fort Worth, Texas. Love you much and may God’s blessings continue in your life. Love you much, bye. Love Ezekiel’s goodbyes.

Hello everyone, this is Rob from Grand Forks, British Columbia Canada on January 11th. I’m new to the Daily Audio Bible on January 1. My dear wife passed away from a sudden heart attack five years ago. And the first year I was in a fog and just going through the motions. Part-way into the second year God helped my realize that I was coasting spiritually and while I was going to and serving in my church each week, I had no quiet time or devotional so I just got myself a read-through the Bible in a year outline and committed myself to do that and after about a month I knew God was working in my life because there was a piece that was unexplainable. I remember finishing my devotions in the sunshine on my friends’ steps one Spring Sunday, there was just enough time to shower and get to church and I said, God, one more thing, I sometimes feel I’m in a swirly and as I go to grab on to something it is already gone and then I’m not accomplishing anything. So, I’m just gonna trust that you will put prominently on my brain what you want me to do and unless it’s against Your word or in some way wacked I’ll know it’s from You. Then a thought hit my brain hard as I stood up. You should wash the dog. I objected, I don’t have time to wash the dog, I don’t want to wash the dog and I’m sure he doesn’t want a bath. But what did I just pray? Bathing the dog wasn’t unbiblical and while it was odd it wasn’t wacked. So, I called the, our dog Banjo and he jumped in on his own but he sure was anxious to get out. After about five minutes of wrestling with him I got a little frustrated and turning back parallel to the tub and said Banjo, just stand there, relax. Do what I ask you to do and I’ll do the rest. It was as if God said, hello. It was the best sermon I had that year. God continues to be faithful in my journey as I move from healing to being prepared for a new relationship. And I’ve been encouraged by the many reminders I’ve already had in just the short time with the DAB family that God is good, He is faithful, that He is greater and He will provide.

Hello, my name is Julie and I’m a first-time caller. Today is the 11th of January and this time last year I started my journey on the Daily Audio Bible and it has been amazing. I’m just so grateful for the fact that I’ve been able to read or listen to the Bible from the beginning to the end for the first time in my life. So, I just called to say thank you Brian for everything you do, thank you for the way you break down the word in bite size pieces for me to understand. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and I really do appreciate this family. My kids also listen to Ezekiel and yes, I love this Community. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And if there is anybody out there who is starting and don’t think they can do it, I just want to encourage you that you can do it, with God you can do it.  

[madamekyberpunk]

Film Diary (July 12, 2020 - Dec 28, 2020)

JULY

July 12, 2020: KNIVES OUT (Dir. Rian Johnson)

We get to see Rian Johnson finely tune his craft in real time, and I find it exciting. I’ve been on a binge of his work as-of-late and a recurring theme of most of his movies is them being a commentary on themselves or the genres they’re working within. I think this movie nails that trick on the head without patting itself on the back too much. The ensemble cast is expertly chosen and works together really well, and you can tell just by watching it that they were having fun on set. The cast is grounded by Ana de Armas’ quietly brilliant performance. My favorite Rian Johnson movie is still reserved for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, but I do think this is his best work so far.

July 13, 2020: MERMAIDS (Dir. Richard Benjamin)

A slightly more absurd version of Lady Bird, if Lady Bird was made in the nineties. A good addition to the strained-but-loving mother-daughter relationship cinematic universe.

July 15, 2020: THE UNTOUCHABLES (Dir. Brian De Palma)

This is actually the first mafia movie I’ve ever seen, and honestly...it was probably a bad one to start with. Although it was entertaining and tense at all the right moments, the whole thing just felt empty. Every character seemed half-baked and none of them really had any development. De Palma could’ve gone grittier for an R-rating and made his interpretation of Al Capone a little less cartoonish; Kevin Costner’s Eliot Ness was doing the absolute least, and Robert De Niro’s Al Capone was doing the absolute most.

July 31, 2020: (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (Dir. Marc Webb)

For some reason I have unintentionally seen almost all of Marc Webb’s filmography, and I have to say that I’m underwhelmed by all of it. While watching I found myself reflexively comparing this to Webb’s The Amazing Spiderman and maybe it ruined my viewing experience a little bit. Both of them have lots of super mumbly, drawn-out conversations and an interpretation of an “indie” style that just seems...bland to me. (Also, both of them have pale women with bangs and men with undiagnosed depression.) I don’t know, I just feel like if you want a rom-com with a realistic depiction of romantic relationships, you should just go watch The Big Sick.

AUGUST

August 14, 2020: LATE NIGHT (Dir. Nisha Ganatra)

Emma Thompson was great in this, and I think Mindy Kaling is very underrated as a writer (in some ways, I think she is the modern Nora Ephron). I’ve seen quite a few reviews claiming that this movie plays along with conventions, but I don’t necessarily think that conventions are inherently bad as long as they’re executed well. In this case, they were.

August 22, 2020: THE FAREWELL (Dir. Lulu Wang)

I’d classify this as a really good movie that just didn’t click with me. It was a complete, “it’s not them, it’s me,” situation. It was smartly directed with a focused, sharp script and an excellent leading performance from Awkwafina - I can see why people were upset that it got snubbed at the Oscars - but it just wasn’t my thing. The only time I really connected with it emotionally was the ending.

August 22, 2020: KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE (Dir. Rachel Lears)

The only piece of media currently in existence that somehow makes me feel a sense of patriotism for this hellscape of a country.

SEPTEMBER

September 5, 2020: BARRY (Dir. Vikram Gandhi)

Speaking of living in a hellscape of a country, I have mixed feelings about the Obama presidency - but this movie isn’t about his presidency. It isn’t indicative that he’ll be president at any point. It’s essentially a piece of historical fiction about race and American identity that happens to use Barack Obama as its protagonist. You could replace him with any other dude with a background similar to his and it still would’ve been interesting.

September 8, 2020: UNICORN STORE (Dir. Brie Larson)

If there’s one word to describe this movie, I’d say, it’s cute. Not in a patronizing type of way, but in a this-movie-feels-like-a-warm-hug type of way. I like this Brie Larson vehicle much more than Captain Marvel, mainly because I feel like she’s having more fun in this and she gets to wear more colors and Samuel L. Jackson has tinsel in his hair and also there’s a unicorn in it. I’m a simple girl with simple needs. I also think Samuel L. Jackson should be adorned in tinsel in every film he’s in without explanation (I might actually watch Pulp Fiction if Jackson’s character had a sparkly afro in it). This movie also made me stan Mamoudou Athie - I think he plays a good straight man and I hope that they don’t waste him in Jurassic World: Dominion, although I’m not getting my hopes up.

September 11, 2020: LADY BIRD (Dir. Greta Gerwig)

I waited a criminally long amount of time to finally watch this. I can’t really say anything about this movie that hasn’t already been said. It’s good! It’s genuine and sweet and I liked seeing Timothée Chalamet play a pretentious asshole.

September 12, 2020: THE BROTHERS BLOOM (Dir. Rian Johnson)

Upon a rewatch, I’m taking my original score of 3.5 out of 5 and bumping it up to a 4 out of 5.  Adrian Brody and Rachel Weisz’s performances pretty much make this movie with their earnestness and chemistry. I think you could qualify this film as a romantic dramedy that just happens to be about an international con job. It doesn’t do the greatest job of explaining itself plot-wise, but it makes up for it with stylish direction and a charming cast.

September 18, 2020: EVER AFTER (Dir. Andy Tennant)

The best Cinderella adaptation currently in existence (next to Nickelodeon’s Rags starring Keke Palmer, of course). It’s so good that I’m willing to forgive Drew Barrymore’s attempt at a British accent. I also think this is one of the few movies that could be a decent remake if you gave it to the right director.

September 19, 2020: BRICK (Dir. Rian Johnson)

I love Rian Johnson, I think we’ve established that already, but I kind of sort of hated his film debut. It seemed so caught up in its own concept that it ended up seeming like a shell of a movie with no theme to ground it. Sometimes I don’t care if movie has no theme if it’s entertaining, but this movie was not entertaining, so...

September 25, 2020: ABOUT LAST NIGHT... (Dir. Edward Zwick)

Alternate title: Toxic Man is Horrible to a Woman Who Literally Does Nothing Wrong Ever and Also is Gorgeous, They Break Up, Toxic Man Gets a Different Job and Toxicity is Gone Now, Like His Personality was Sifted Through a Brita Water Filter, then the Toxic Man Gets an Unearned Happy Ending with Gorgeous Woman. It might be a little bit long, but at least people would know what they were in for. Still better than (500) Days of Summer, although every male character in About Last Night... deserves to be in jail. All of Demi Moore’s sweaters get five stars.

OCTOBER

October 3, 2020: ENOLA HOLMES (Dir. Harry Bradbeer)

During the first draft of this post, I gave this movie a pretty good review. Then I rewatched it, and...huh. It’s not exactly a bad movie, it’s just an aggressively average movie. Enola Holmes would have benefited from a) a shorter runtime, b) a better mystery, and c) a weirder style. I think that if the character is going to repeatedly talk into the camera, which is kinda weird, you should just make everything else weird too. Give it a Birds of Prey-esque unreliable narrator and non-linear storyline. It’s still a fun movie, and the inevitable sequels have potential, but it just felt like they could’ve - I don’t know - made more of an effort?

October 10, 2020: HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE (Dir. Taika Waititi)

This is the first Taika Waititi movie I’ve seen besides Thor: Ragnarok. I liked seeing how his style transferred into Ragnarok, and it probably has the funniest funeral scene ever written (do yourself a favor and look it up on YouTube). Hunt for the Wilderpeople knows when to make a joke without getting too goofy, and it knows when to be sentimental without getting too sappy. It also has dozens of glorious one-liners.

October 11, 2020: LITTLE WOMEN (Dir. Greta Gerwig)

The best Little Women adaptation. (I haven’t seen the one with Katharine Hepburn but I’m just going to assume that this one’s better.) This movie was clearly made for people who know and love the story, which can be a good thing and a bad thing - it means that it took some creative liberties that enhanced the story and added subversions that made it feel meta in a satisfying way. But it also meant that it could be potentially confusing for people who aren’t familiar with the story. Personally I wasn’t lost, but I think Gerwig could’ve used some more visual cues to let you know when they were in the present or when they were diving into the past. I wouldn’t want her to eliminate the jumping back and forth, though, because I think it allowed the characters to be explored a lot more than a linear story would’ve allowed. Gerwig also did a great job of letting you understand the motivations of the supporting characters - specifically Amy - in a way that prior adaptations never really did. Every character felt like their own person instead of accessories to Jo’s life.

October 16, 2020: THE TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7 (Dir. Aaron Sorkin)

Siegel, a very good Letterboxd reviewer that I follow, said it better than I can: “Aaron Sorkin is way too good a writer to be forced to work with such a mediocre director as Aaron Sorkin”. I didn’t mind the beginning - I thought the quick editing, upbeat music, and cuts back and forth between historical footage and fictionalized scenes were engaging, but the ending was clunky and didn’t fit the tone of the rest of the film. The Trial of the Chicago 7 was a little confused politically and wanted to desperately cling onto a centrism that didn’t let the film fully embrace the anger that it could’ve ended on. Despite all of these things, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. The performances were all excellent, and if any of them get nominated for an Oscar it’s well-deserved. I’m also a sucker for Aaron Sorkin’s speechy, tangential dialogue. It makes me feel smart whenever I listen to it.

October 20, 2020: HALLOWEENTOWN (Dir. Duwayne Dunham)

This movie does it for the girls and the gays, that’s it.

October 26, 2020: BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN) (Dir. Cathy Yan)

This movie also does it for the girls and the gays, that’s it. Seriously, I honestly don’t know why people don’t love this movie. Margot Robbie’s performance as Harley Quinn is Oscar-worthy. That’s not a joke. I actually think that if the Oscars knew how to have fun, she would get a nomination. She is this character. It feels so lived-in and she never does too much - and with a role like Harley Quinn, it would be very easy to do too much. I also have to give props to the type of feminism that director Cathy Yan inserted into this film. I really enjoyed Wonder Woman and didn’t mind Captain Marvel, but there was something so formulaic and studio-approved about the female empowerment in both of those films. Birds of Prey, however, didn’t really give a single fuck. It was a nuanced, violent, funny as hell story about flawed women forming alliances and finding meaningful relationships in a world that actively abuses them and ugh, I love this movie. It’s probably my personal favorite of the year.

October 27, 2020: DOLLY PARTON: HERE I AM (Dir. Francis Whately)

This documentary was strangely edited and offered pretty surface-level information presented in an uninteresting way. I enjoyed myself while I was watching it, but I just wish it would’ve gone deeper. Dolly Parton is one of the most interesting figures in music history, and there was a lot more they could’ve explored.

NOVEMBER

November 1, 2020: ATTACK THE BLOCK (Dir. Joe Cornish)

This 82-minute movie gave John Boyega a more satisfactory arc than the almost seven hour long Star Wars sequel trilogy. Seriously, this movie fucking slaps! It hit all the right notes at all the right moments. I honestly think that a lot of sci-fi movies would be better if they worked with smaller budgets and shorter runtimes. Something about working within limitations makes a film feel more authentic and cuts out a lot of the excess fat. This movie is funny and earnest and surprisingly has a lot to say about the world we live in, with a budget that’s 200 million dollars less and a runtime that's 45 minutes less than a lot of sci-fi movies out there.

November 18, 2020: A PRINCESS FOR CHRISTMAS (Dir. Michael Damian)

*Lady Gaga voice* Amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely-not-ever-been-done-before... My go-to shitty Hallmark Christmas movie every year :)

November 19, 2020: THE LEGO STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL (Dir. Ken Cunningham)

I’m giving this a five-star rating completely unironically. This movie uses the mechanism of time travel better than Avengers: Endgame.

November 20, 2020: THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES (Dir. Clay Kaytis)

There’s a scene where Kurt Russel does a musical number in a jail cell and then Winston from “New Girl” quits his job as a cop. What more could you want from a Christmas movie?

November 21, 2020: INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS (Dir. Joel & Ethan Coen)

What was originally intended to be an Oscar Isaac thirst watch turned into what might end up being one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s one of those movies where it’s hard to articulate why it was so good, it was just good, but for the sake of this post I’ll try my best. Oscar Isaac was phenomenal in this - and I’m not just saying that because I’m a simp. His performance, combined with the script, made you root for his character even if he was a douchebag a lot of the time. The movie did a great job of blurring the line between what Llewyn Davis brought on himself and what was the result of just really, really bad luck. The use of sound in Llewyn Davis is excellent, too. Instead of using an instrumental score to emphasize emotion, they used sounds from the character’s environment, which really let the occasional musical moments pop - whenever anyone started singing, it almost felt cathartic. The Coen Brothers also provided moments of levity with perfectly-timed comedic moments throughout. It’s one of those movies where at the end of it, you’re kind of jealous that someone could make something that good. The fact that Oscar Isaac didn’t even get an Oscar nomination for this is - not to be dramatic - a fucking war crime.

November 22, 2020: STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI (Dir. Rian Johnson)

Listen, I know The Last Jedi is such a hotly debated movie that it’s almost political, but it happens to be my favorite movie of all time. Like, number one. It even beats A Princess for Christmas. I’ve had my fair share of slander for loving this movie so damn much, but I will defend it until the day I die, and then I will have my tombstone engraved with “Luke Skywalker’s portrayal in this movie makes sense, you guys are just poisoned by nostalgia.” I’ve seen this movie several times, but I actually haven’t given it a rewatch since The Rise of Skywalker came out last December, and it still holds up. There’s a couple of things that I really appreciated a bit more this time around: every shot in this movie seems so intentional and emotionally charged. Pause it at any point and you’re going to have something interesting and aesthetically pleasing to look at. I really enjoyed the dialogue, too. In most of his movies, Rian Johnson makes his characters talk in a slightly heightened (or in Brick's case, very heightened) way, and it lends well to the Star Wars universe. I'm never going to to not gush about this film. The Last Jedi is the movie that made me love movies, and for that I will always be grateful.

November 25, 2020: HAPPIEST SEASON (Dir. Clea DuVall)

I have similar feelings toward this movie as I did toward Crazy Rich Asians; it follows most of the conventions that populate the rom-com genre, but for the marginalized people the movie is representing, it’s actually pretty fresh. Hot take, but I don’t think that Kristen Stewart’s character should’ve ended up with Aubrey Plaza’s character - I just think the film could’ve done a better job of empathizing with Mackenzie Davis’s character. If we focused on her perspective a bit more, maybe she would’ve seemed less...shitty and distant. I’d also appreciate it if we just stop doing the Gay Best Friend Trope after this movie because - let’s be honest with ourselves - no one’s going to be able to top Daniel Levy’s rendition of it.

November 29, 2020: MANGROVE (Dir. Steve McQueen)

See my Mangrove review here.

DECEMBER

December 5, 2020: RED, WHITE AND BLUE (Dir. Steve McQueen)

I may need to give this a rewatch at some point, mainly because it seems like I didn’t fully grasp the themes it was conveying due to my own skepticisms going into it. Here’s my original review.

December 13, 2020: THE PROM (Dir. Ryan Murphy)

I really can’t critically engage with this movie because my brain just turns off the minute the first song starts. Most of the criticisms you’ve heard are valid - though perhaps a little bit blown out of proportion - but it’s so much damn fun. I’ve watched it twice now.

December 19, 2020: MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM (Dir. George C. Wolfe)

Chadwick Boseman’s last performance is haunting, transformative, and magnetic. The same can be said about Viola Davis’ performance, which is a surprise to no one, but this is really Chadwick’s vehicle. I just wish the directing was as interesting as the acting. This film was adapted from an August Wilson play, and directorially it was treated like a play, which doesn’t necessarily translate that well to film. The space around the actors wasn’t really utilized, and the way it was shot was pretty lackluster and static; oftentimes, the only interesting thing to look at in a scene was an actor’s performance. Maybe I’ve just been a little obsessed with Steve McQueen’s directing style lately, but this movie probably would’ve been five stars for me (instead of the four-and-a-half I gave it) if it was directed by him.

December 19, 2020: LONG TOAST (Dir. Karsten Runquist)

Fuck yeah, Karsten Runquist! Shout out to his monthly “what I watched in [insert month]” videos for giving me the inspiration to write this. 

December 23, 2020: LET IT SNOW (Dir. Luke Snellin)

Weirdly enough, this may be one of my favorite Christmas movies. There’s nothing all that remarkable about it, but it has a sweet, simple holiday vibe with innocent performances and low stakes. I don’t really ask a lot for Christmas movies, and this pretty much delivers.

December 25, 2020: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF DREAM ANALYSIS (Dir. Rian Johnson)

This short film from Rian Johnson is the earliest thing I could find of his filmography on Letterboxd, and it was a pretty engaging watch. It was essentially all of Johnson’s quirks as a director condensed into ten minutes. It reminded me of those trippy short stories you had to read in middle school.

December 26, 2020: PLUS ONE (Dir. Jeff Chan & Andrew Rhymer)

I’ve seen a lot of rom-coms - like, an ungodly amount - and my love-hate affair with this genre has made me realize that predictability isn’t the issue with rom-coms (a lot of genres are very, very predictable). The issue is a lack of authenticity. Yes, this film is predictable, but it’s authentic. The humor in this movie actually feels like something that would happen in real life, not something heavily contrived or exaggerated for the sake of entertainment. I don’t have anything against the contrived and exaggerated, but it’s refreshing to see comedy being delivered so naturally in this genre. Plus One also has a more realistic (but still sweet) perspective on love and relationships which you don’t normally see in any genre.

December 27, 2020: THE HALF OF IT (Dir. Alice Wu)

I watched this at the beginning of the year and didn’t enjoy it all that much - partly because I was in the closet and aaaah girls kissing aaaaaah - and partly because I just thought it was boring. On a second viewing, I really appreciated it more. I think it’s the smartest and most well-shot movie directed toward teens that I’ve seen on Netflix. Although the script can be a bit pretentious, it’s directed in a way that doesn’t feel like it’s either trying to be too indie or like an hour and fourty-five minute long single-camera sitcom episode. The character of Ellie is also a really interesting and nuanced character, and a good example of how to write and portray queerness on screen.

December 27, 2020: TAYLOR SWIFT - FOLKLORE: THE LONG POND STUDIO SESSIONS (Dir. Taylor Swift)

I would die for Taylor Swift and/or Jack Antonoff.

December 28, 2020: MANK (Dir. David Fincher)

I went into this movie as a) someone who has never seen a David Fincher film, and b) someone who has never seen Citizen Kane. Unsurprisingly, Mank was definitely not my thing. That doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate it. It’s a fucking good-looking movie. But it’s kind of like the himbo of movies - it’s nice to look at, but there’s not much going on underneath. I’m hearing this complaint from a lot of people: it’s a technical masterpiece, but it feels pretty damn hollow. Personally, it’s not enough for me to recognize that a film looks and sounds good - I have to care about and know the human beings within it in order for me to think that it’s a good movie. To me, a film is only as good as the emotional relevance of its story, but sadly emotional relevance is where Mank falls short.

What movies kept you sane during 2020? Let me know!

[preserving-ferretbrain]

This song is why

by Jamie Johnston

Friday, 11 June 2010Dar Williams' When I was a boy inspires a mixture of analysis and over-sharing.~I had a couple of friends round for dinner the other day and one of them (who is amused by how I think the internet is full of amazingness) asked me what was amazing on the internet at the moment, and I showed them Tiger Beatdown, and there was a bit of 'Oh, er, feminism? Is that... I mean... surely that's a bit... why?' And I answered... in song! Well, no, that makes it sound like my life is a musical, which I'm sad to say is not the case. What I did was I played them When I was a boy by Dar Williams:

Because that, at the moment, is the most complete and coherent and honest answer I can give if someone asks me why I'm trying to be a feminist.

I had never heard of Dar Williams, let alone this song, before I saw it casually mentioned in some blog or other and, as I often do when I see music I've never heard of being casually mentioned in some blog or other, I looked it up on Spotify to discover whether it was any good. I found it (not quite this version, actually, but the one from the Radio Woodstock 25th anniversary album, which remains my favourite version (

1

)), and it started playing, and I carried on reading and clicking stuff and whatever, and really didn't follow what it was about; but there was something compelling in it, and when it finished I felt I needed to hear it again. So I closed everything else down and played it again and properly listened to it, and wept.

As an answer to the sort of 'Why?' that really means 'How did it come about?', this song is an incomplete answer. A more complete answer would perhaps start with some of the

Minority Warrior

stuff here on Ferretbrain, would get a jump-start with

Fugitivus on rape

, and would certainly include Tiger Beatdown as well (

2

); an even more complete one would go back over the many conversations and interactions I've had with female friends over the years that suddenly began to flash through my memory as I read that Fugitivus post and thought, 'Oh god, how could I have so completely failed to understand?' (

3

). But, actually,

When I was a boy

would still be a very major part of any answer, for a simple and important reason. By the time I heard it there had already been feminist writing that had made me think, 'Oh yes, actually that is quite iffy', and there had already been feminist writing that had shocked me, and there had already been feminist writing that had made me feel ashamed, and there had already been feminist writing that had made me feel joyful, and there had already been feminist writing that had made me angry about oppression, but there had never been feminist writing that made me feel (even if only for five minutes) desolate and heartbroken and like I just couldn't bear for the world to be this way. In other words, this song was what changed feminism from an option into a necessity.

It's also an incomplete answer - even more incomplete, in fact - to the sort of 'Why?' that means 'For what reason, for whose sake?' Even at this very early stage of exploration I've absorbed enough to see that

When I was a boy

is by no means a comprehensive catalogue of gender oppression. It isn't hard to think of umpteen reasons to be a feminist that are arguably more 'Important' than anything Williams describes here: endemic rape in the Democratic Republic of Congo, endemic apology for and dismissal of rape in the democratic constitutional monarchy of the UK, the wage gap and the double shift in the US, denial of women's suffrage in Saudia Arabia, and so on and depressingly on. But this isn't a song about every single way women are oppressed: it's a very personal song about a young fair-skinned comfortably well-off first-world woman who could be one of your friends or someone you passed on the street yesterday (

4

). And, you know what, within those limits it actually covers a great deal: the threat of harrassment and rape ('it's not safe') and the way that very threat becomes a way of making women dependent on men for protection ('I need to find a nice man to walk me home'); the way society tries to make women show off their bodies for the enjoyment of men ('more that's tight means more to see') and also tries to mark those same bodies as obscene ('my neighbour came outside to say, "Get your shirt"'); the way gender norms are both imposed from outside ('the signs say less is more') and internalized ('I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do'); the way we sometimes feel we can't even admit that we don't want to be the way we are ('it's a secret I can keep').

But covering a lot of bases isn't what makes this song so powerful. My grasp of musical theory is even more tenuous than my grasp of feminist theory, but here are a few musical things we can notice. Notice how it starts with various warm and slightly sparkly chords (

5

), matching in each of the first two verses the descriptions of the singer's (

6

) joyfully boyish childhood; and then how it moves to a barer set of two less richly harmonized chords as she moves to the present (leaving the party or standing in the clothes-shop or confessing the missing part of herself), then back to the warmer sound for 'when I was a boy...'. And notice, in particular, the discordant pair of notes plucked loudly just before that first transition ('and I remember that night'), disorientating the ear and wrenching the song for a moment out of the realm of ordinary chords entirely (

7

). And notice the way that the main guitar line roams up and down the scale in quick wave-like arpeggios, and then how during those sadder minor passages the little in-between notes (semi-quavers, possibly?) drop out and leave an unfulfilled two-tone alternation coinciding with the parts of the lyric that most strongly express the sense of a flatter, less complete life. And notice how the words 'when I was a boy' are held back until just after the beat before they canter exultantly up the scale and jump off the end just as the guitar slides up to the next chord. And notice how at the moments when the words move from memory to present sad reflexion ('I don't know how I survived'; 'I know things have got to change') the previously wandering melody rises to a high note and sticks there on that same note for the whole line, as if Williams has suddenly hit the (glass?) ceiling and has nowhere to go. And notice how the parts of the tune that largely correspond to descriptions of the past (when she was a boy) are mostly lower (more 'masculine') in pitch, whereas the parts in the present are higher-pitched (more 'feminine'). And, keeping hold of that last point in your mind, notice how, in a musical tradition (folk / pop / country / whatever) in which a rise in pitch usually signals the singer accessing a new level of power or intensity (e.g. just about any song you can think of), this song is constructed and pitched so that the lower sections (which are also mostly the brighter-chord sections, which are also mostly the sections with the most harmonically rich guitar-figures, which are also mostly the sections where the singer's voice sounds more 'masculine', which are also mostly the sections in which she remembers her 'boyhood') are firmly in the centre of Williams' vocal range and so sound strong and rich and resonant, while the higher sections (which are also mostly the harmonically more dissonant sections, which are also mostly the sections with the flat and incomplete-sounding accompaniment, which are also mostly the sections where the singer's voice is more 'feminine', which are also mostly the sections where she's in her heavily 'feminized' present) are just a bit too high and make her voice breathy and weak. And, with all that in mind, notice how the very highest notes of each verse - the ones where Williams sounds weakest - are in the final lines of the verse, where the rhythm of the vocal line becomes halting and uncertain, emphasizing the singer's capitulation and undermining her inner defiance: 'and you... can walk... me home... but I was a boy too'; 'but I... am not... forgetting... that I was a boy too'; 'and I... have lost... some kindness... but I was a girl too'.

And the lyric. Oh, reader, the lyric. The opening invocation of

Peter Pan

, which both instantly reminds most of us of our own childhoods (which is when we first encountered

Peter Pan

) and tells us that we're hearing about the singer's childhood (because we know Peter Pan only visits children) (

8

), as well as placing the song in the context of a literary work that has some pretty complex stuff going on with childhood and gender (too much to go into here). The telegraphic account of 'liv[ing] a whole life in one night', like a verbal action montage, enlivened by the repetition of sprightly 'L' and 'I' sounds, and rounded off with the heart-warming equality, reciprocity, solidarity of 'we saved each other's lives out on the pirate deck'. The contrast between the you-and-me-against-the-world intimacy of that Neverland adventure and the world-against-me loneliness of what follows, with its blank and anonymous 'some friends' and 'somebody tell[s] me'. It's so much about contrasts, this lyric. One that runs right through is between abstraction and particularity: the passages describing the singer's childhood are composed almost entirely of specific details, images, events (climbing, riding a bicycle, catching fireflies, 'grass-stained shirt and dusty knees'), giving them immediacy and substance, while the present-day passages are much more general and generic (for it's clear that the scenes leaving the party, standing in the clothes-shop, the 'lonesome awful day' are not unique occasions but things that happen quite often), creating a sort of repetitiveness and sameness. Similarly, the childhood passages are full of agency, of first-person active verbs ('I learned to fly, I learned to fight'; 'climbed what I could climb upon'; 'riding topless, yeah, I never care who saw' (

9

)), while the present-day sections are much more passive or third-person ('I hear somebody tell me'; 'walk me home'; 'the signs say'; 'they've got pills to sell'). The linguistic contrasts underline the main device of the whole song, which is of course the rapid switching between past and present. The frequency of this alternation - back and forth at least twice in every verse - means that, once the pattern is established, one hears every section while still retaining a strong memory of the previous and a strong premonition of the next. This makes every joyful return to childhood also sad because it's lost, and makes every glimpse of the present even sadder for coexisting with a contrasting image of the past.

And I haven't even talked about the central metaphor: 'when I was a boy'. So simple and direct, so eloquent and challenging. So eloquent and challenging, in fact, because it isn't really a metaphor at all, and that's the point. It isn't literally true that the singer was ever physically male - I think that's fairly clear from the line 'I said I was a boy; I'm glad he didn't check'. But if gender consists (at least to a great extent) in behaving and having one's behaviour interpreted in certain ways that are strongly associated with physical maleness or femaleness ('he behaves like people with male bodies do or should so he must be a boy'), then in behaving like a boy the singer literally was a boy. If, on the other hand, we flip that round and see gender as a matter of having one's sexed body interpreted as necessarily or probably implying certain types of behaviour ('he looks physically male so he can expected to behave like, and assumed to be, a boy'), then in growing up and becoming visibly physically female the singer becomes a woman, regardless of her own wishes and behaviour. In short, without any kind of conscious or voluntary transition, it is literally true that the singer used to be a boy and is not a boy now. That's why the non-metaphor of 'when I was a boy' is dynamite: the simple use of that word 'was', rather than 'was like' or some other less uncompromising phrase, exposes the fact that socially constructed gender is so crushingly powerful that it has literally changed the singer's identity against her will and based on nothing but her physical appearance. The fallacy of essentialism is rejected: it's clear that she doesn't feel that she's changed, and indeed she hangs on tightly to the memory of 'the other life I lived'. The only things that have changed are things beyond her control, namely her body and the way other people unthinkingly treat her because of it. And I should say here that I don't think it's necessary or even really satisfactory to read this song as about transgender or to see the singer as a nascent or potential transgendered man (though there may well be much in the song that will speak especially to trans people). The singer's 'other life' as a boy doesn't imply that she wasn't also a girl, except in as much as it rejects the distinction between the two. The point, rather, is that as a child she could be both at the same time, or sometimes one and sometimes the other, and - crucially - it didn't really matter: 'you were just like me and I was just like you'. The sadness of the contrast between past and present is one of loss. It isn't sadness that she once had A and now has B; it's sadness that she once had A and B, and one has been taken away.

Because it isn't anything as pedestrian as a nostalgia song, this song. It isn't about how everything was so much better when the singer was a child. That sort of nostalgic exercise generally has at its core the idea that somehow being a child is in itself better: one was more carefree, or more loved, or more innocent, or whatever. Childhood is fetishized as some kind of ideal state. But the singer of

When I was a boy

doesn't want to be a child again: she wants to be an adult who can be herself fully. The importance of childhood is that it was a time when she was allowed to do that; now she is no longer. So the value of her childhood now is as a way to access a certain inner wholeness that's still there even if it can't be expressed; memory is act of resistance: 'I am not forgetting that I was a boy too'. In a sense she's lucky, for although she would perhaps be 'happier' and less troubled (like the person in Plato's cave) if she had no such memories, they also give her a source of strength that isn't so readily available to someone who's so fully internalized her (or his) constructed gender that she (or he) isn't even aware of it. Lucky, but also frustrated and sad. And weary.

That weariness comes across most strongly in the final verse, which begins by evoking the constant, low-level drain on the singer's emotional resources that must (I can only imagine) come from an ordinary day full of ordinary little oppressions (

10

). And whenever I sing this song quietly to myself, if it hasn't already brought a tear to my eye before the last verse, this is the line I always choke on: 'And so I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived, and I say, "Now you're top gun: I have lost and you have won."' Can there be anything more heartbreaking to a man with any heart at all than the thought that your female friends and relatives might, even only in brief moments, feel like your defeated opponents? And then Williams does something extremely generous and important: 'And he says, "Oh, no, no, can't you see? When I was a girl..."' It's generous because this man's reply could, and in the comments thread of any feminist blog probably would, be treated (quite reasonably) as derailing and possibly also mansplaining (

11

). It's important because it makes a sketch of how sexism diminishes women (which is already a massive and vital point to make) into a sketch of how sexism diminishes everyone. In Kate Millett's phrase, 'each personality becomes little more, and often less, than half of its human potential' (

12

). The song invites women and men to recognize one another as mutually (though not equally) disadvantaged by current ideas of femininity and masculinity, and to remember that 'you were just like me and I was just like you'.

It's hard, in the end, to say why

When I was a boy

affects me so strongly. It isn't because I relate especially strongly to the man in the last verse: I was never that much into flowers, and have I mentioned that I cry sometimes, for example when listening to this song? Ahem. And the rest... well, maybe. It's true, at any rate, that I'm lucky like the singer of this song: lucky to have had parents who gave me a dolls' house as well as Transformers, to have made it through nearly thirty years without ever being compelled to take the slightest interest in football, to have grown up with female friends playing make-believe games that could happily include princesses and robots and (like

Peter Pan

) pirates and fairies together. And this song does sometimes make me think of one of my oldest friends, and how for the first however many years of our lives our different sexes had literally no impact whatsoever on our friendship, and how we're somehow more distant now, and how I remember her once saying to me, when we were both just into double digits, that she liked having me as a friend because with me she could do things that boys liked doing, which surprised me because I'd rather thought of her as someone with whom I could do things that girls liked doing. But I don't think it's really very much to do with whether I relate this song to my own life or identify with anyone in it. It's perhaps the opposite: it's the way this song so so powerfully conveys an experience that I've never had and makes me realize how unfair that experience is and how very much I wish nobody had it. Which is a pretty impressive thing for a guitar and a voice to do in five minutes. I've tried to pick out some of the ways the music, the performance, and the lyric do it, but I'm no music critic, and in the end I just don't know. I can say, though, if anyone asks why this stuff matters to me, this song is why.

Notes

1

· I can't find it on the internet but if you have Spotify it's

here

.

2

· Indeed Tiger Beatdown's

Ladypalooza festival of music criticism

is probably what set me unconsciously composing this article in my head before I noticed that's what I was doing. (Yes, I started writing this about a month ago! It took me a while to get to grips with the music theory parts, okay?)

3

· And indeed further back still, to my English teacher Miss McLaren (who I realize now was probably the first actual feminist I knew and who I like to imagine deliberately chose to teach at a school for privileged boys in order to do undercover feminism at them without their noticing until years later) and to early memories of my mum complaining about women with paid jobs saying 'I work' as if what she did at home all day wasn't work (which, though she wouldn't have thought of it in these terms, was almost certainly the first critique of patriarchy I ever heard).

4

· Admittedly some of this picture is transferred from Williams herself to the character who 'speaks' the song and aren't particularly supported by the lyric. On the other hand, although it's plainly wrong and unhelpful to treat any song as entirely true of its singer or writer, the characteristics of the person who performs the song do inevitably inform our reading of it. So my reading is informed by knowing what Williams looks like and that she's from North America somewhere, and I think it's a reading that's entirely consistent with the lyric.

5

· Lots of suspended seconds and fourths and added ninths, if I'm not mistaken, which are the sorts of chords that make things sound like the Byrds.

6

· I use 'singer' to mean the character whose words are the words of the song, to avoid possibly wrongly (and at any rate irrelevantly) attributing the experiences and feelings expressed in the lyric to Williams herself. Though it's admittedly a bit less clear-cut than that (see note 3).

7

· The interval between these notes is the

diminished or 'devil's' fifth

, which is frequently used to disrupt tonal harmony and is, by suggestive coincidence, called 'oppressive' by Wikipedia. For noticing the use of this interval in this song and patiently explaining to me how it works, many thanks to Joe Templeton (who suggests the beginning of

Purple haze

by Jimi Hendrix as a good example of this interval): needless to say, any error in what I've written about it here is the result of my misunderstanding the point, and not to be attributed to Joe.

8

· And you can see how effectively it tells us this by noticing that that it's actually the only thing that tells us we're in her childhood, and then noticing that you hadn't noticed that. Apologies if the word 'notice' has now started to sound meaningless through over-exposure.

9

· Here too the vowel-sounds in those lines enhance the effect, for not only are the lines filled with the actual first-person pronoun 'I', they are also heavily populated with that same sound within other words: fly, fight, life, night, lives, pirate.

10

· 'Every day a little death: in the parlor, in the bed; in the curtains, in the silver, in the buttons, in the bread', as Sondheim writes in a slightly different context in

A little night music

. Also, incidentally, notice how Williams' voice wobbles on 'off guard', like a stifled sob. One might think it a bit of improvised styling, but no, it's there in every recording I can find.

11

· Those who don't hang out on feminist blogs much can refer to these definitions:

derailing

;

mansplaining

.

12

· In

Sexual politics

(1969), quoted in Cudd & Andreasen,

Feminist theory: a philosophical anthology

(Blackwell, 2005), page 42. I've amended the punctuation: the text in Cudd & Andreasen says 'each personality becomes little more, and often less than half, of its human potential', which must surely be a typographical error (not the only one in this anthology).Themes:

Music and Gigs

,

Minority Warrior

~

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~Comments (

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http://puritybrown.livejournal.com/

at 21:58 on 2010-06-11Very well said.

Some years ago I bought a CD single of "Cool As I Am" that had this song and "This Was Pompeii" as B-sides. I remember weeping when I heard "When I Was A Boy" the first time, and playing it over and over again, so that to this day I can sing it from memory (even though I haven't listened to it in a long time, because I can only listen to it in circumstances where I feel comfortable crying). It's a concise illustration of the maxim "the personal is political", an encapsulation of all the reasons why feminism is important

even if

you are an educated white middle-class Westerner with buckets of privilege, a deeply moving personal story, and a beautifully-written song wrapped up in one.

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Sister Magpie

at 22:01 on 2010-06-11Wow. What a great read--because I love this song! And something that's funny is that as a woman listening to it doesn't make me emotional *until* that last verse--so the exact opposite of, as you say, feeling like that verse is mansplaining or derailing. I guess because the first two verses don't hit me as hard--I think because they're basically just describing the way things are. Like, all those things are so everyday, everything she says, but for some reason when she makes it about everyone instead of just about these things, changed the whole song for me.

I think especially because there's such a nice contrast between the details (as you pointed out, the childhood sections are all rich in details) between the two. The girl (or should we say "boy") details are all about adventure and independence and invulnerability. The boy details are about beauty, relationships (well, that's not exactly true--but the girl's relationships are defined through the action of saving each other's lives, the boy's through "always talking" and so sharing thoughts and feelings) and vulnerabilty.

Which I think I also liked because it makes it clear, as you say, that it's about having both, not rejecting one for the other. The girl doesn't want to lose the parts of herself that might code female, because that would just be a different version of what she has now--just one that she might not be as aware of because those things aren't valued as much in her society.

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Frank

at 23:40 on 2010-06-11Beautiful and powerful read, Jamie. Thanks.

but I'm no music critic

I disagree. That was some good analysis.

Because that, at the moment, is the most complete and coherent and honest answer I can give if someone asks me why I'm trying to be a feminist.

I don't think you can be a feminist, but you can be an ally to feminism. For a male to say he is a feminist is to appropriate the term, manhandle it and muffle the authoritative voice of feminism:

girls

and

women

(both links are on the same subject: Terry Richardson).

The song invites women and men to recognize one another as mutually (though not equally) disadvantaged by current ideas of femininity and masculinity, and to remember that 'you were just like me and I was just like you'.

What I don't like about the last lines is that it is the man telling her 'hey I got it bad too' and then she doesn't call him out on it. He is of the dominant sex, what's he doing to further the cause to equality except to say we were the same once?

And because the man has the last word, maybe it's Dar Williams saying something, that the narrator in the song is once again shut down or at least quietly and softly oppressed. With your excellent musical analysis of the song, what do you think the music is suggesting?

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Arthur B

at 23:47 on 2010-06-11I don't gots no purty story about how I done had a political awakening. My mammy just done brought me up right.

That tune be pretty though an it done brought tears to my peepers.

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Andy G

at 00:00 on 2010-06-12Oh wow that's a beautiful song, and a really thoughtful post.

To alleviate your mansplaining concerns (or am I now mansplaining myself?)I thought the final verse (which also makes me well up) was in line with a comment made by C.L. Minou over at

Tiger Beatdown

, in which she mentions "the ways that sexism and kyriarchy hurt men too" (even if the damage isn't equivalent to that caused to women). And I definitely feel on firmer (and less mansplain-y) ground saying that it's true that homophobia is similarly harmful to straight guys (whether as perpetrators or victims).

I did wonder though what your thoughts are thoughts are about the depiction of childhood in the song? I'm just not sure if the poignant metaphorical truth about loss of innocence and freedom overlooks the literal reality of childhood, which involves being subjected to incredible pressure to conform by both the adult world and other children (who can be very judgemental). I wonder if the real tragedy isn't what comes after childhood, but rather that childhood is the period during which people are being rapidly made into women (or men as the case may be)? And doesn't the freedom to challenge those roles only come after childhood?

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Sister Magpie

at 00:02 on 2010-06-12

And because the man has the last word, maybe it's Dar Williams saying something, that the narrator in the song is once again shut down or at least quietly and softly oppressed. With your excellent musical analysis of the song, what do you think the music is suggesting?

It could certainly be that, but personally I never took it that way. I take it more as a validation. His gender conditioning might not have led to oppression--there's nothing in his experience that is a parallel to half the things she's talking about, but he doesn't lay claim to those things, only to the basic idea of having once felt free to act in ways that are now considered exclusive to the opposite gender.

I guess to me the guy's verse sounds enough like something he's sharing that he doesn't particularly like to share--she herself is only sharing because she's tired and caught off guard. Especially the fact that his last line is saying that he's lost kindness, which is I would think a criticism of himself. I guess I felt like it was more a validation that he believed her experience rather than just saying that he had it hard too, because there really isn't much hard in his version. He just hasn't "won," if that makes sense.

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Frank

at 00:43 on 2010-06-12

He just hasn't "won," if that makes sense.

It does. And I can see where he's attempting to validate her experience but, to me, it doesn't need any validation especially by the man she's with. I know he's not a bad man, he's self critical and probably a good man. Still, even though he may not have 'won', he is ahead.

I think the song kind of reinforces the cultural norms (as permitted by whitestraightabledcis male dominance) it's lamenting.

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Wardog

at 10:53 on 2010-06-12Oh wow, Jamie, wonderful article and thank you for the song - which, being generally ignorant about everything, I had never heard before. I loved it, and had a little cry to myself over it too.

I can't really articulate which aspects affected me in what ways, but the first verse really touched on something because I suddenly remembered when I was a boy too, and it awakened in me a sort of yearning for simpler, fearless times.

I didn't see the last verse as particularly problematic. I mean, the bulk of the song and the perspective that leads to the final verse is the woman's - I think one can over-literalise the rhetorical impact of "the last word" sometimes. Also I don't think it's so much the man trying to get a seat on the oppression train, as an acknowledgment that these issues affect everyone, and marginalising the experiences of men in the name of feminism is as harmful any other sort of marginalisation. As the man says: everyone is a loser here, because everyone is denied their authentic selves because of the pressure to conform.

Also if that verse wasn't there, the whole song would carry the implication that it is just plain better to be a boy - to be fearless, and climb trees, and get into fights. That would, of course, be not so great actually. The singer is yearning not to be a boy but for the freedom to self-define within her own terms - and the final verse broadens the perspective by reminding us that this can include crying and picking flowers, as well as riding bikes.

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Sister Magpie

at 15:39 on 2010-06-12

Also if that verse wasn't there, the whole song would carry the implication that it is just plain better to be a boy - to be fearless, and climb trees, and get into fights. That would, of course, be not so great actually. The singer is yearning not to be a boy but for the freedom to self-define within her own terms - and the final verse broadens the perspective by reminding us that this can include crying and picking flowers, as well as riding bikes.

Yes, that's a big part of why I need the last verse. For me, I just wouldn't like the song that much without it. It would feel too much like a complaint, and one lacking in awareness. Not that I think the narrator truly wants to be male, but the way she's feeling she's just longing for those particular things. So I am relieved when the other side is brought into it and "female" becomes something other than something acted on and controlled by others.

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Jamie Johnston

at 17:54 on 2010-06-12Oh no, I've turned Arthur into a hayseed! :)

Er, this reply will be long. Short version: see long version.

Frank

, as to 'feminist' v. 'ally', I'm aware that this is

contested territory

, but it seems to be contested on both sides: arguments against the term 'ally' are expressed

here

by someone who admittedly doesn't identify as a woman, but I have heard the same from women. Interestingly, the Feminism 101 article I linked to in the previous sentence seems to say that the objections to the idea of 'feminist men' come mostly from men, which makes me wonder what happened to the principle of female voices having more authority on these issues. The way I personally apply that principle at the moment (though I'm open to being persuaded in any direction) is that I don't claim either label for myself, and won't consider doing so unless and until I find myself being routinely described with one or the other or both by undisputed feminists. (And in fact I'd do the same at the moment even if there were no dispute about the terminology because I just don't think I know enough or have done enough to claim whatever the appropriate term is.)

Having said that, at the moment I feel more uncomfortable about ever calling myself an ally than about ever calling myself a feminist. One could say that the statement 'I am your ally' is always necessarily a bit of arrogation, and the only things anyone can ever say with full authority are 'I want to be your ally' and (though of course not unilaterally) 'you are my ally'. Maybe that's going a bit far, but maybe not. On the other hand, the word 'feminist' is structured analogously to any number of other '-ist' words that are routinely used and understood to mean 'person who subscribes to a given school of thought'.

Anyway, that may be a discussion for another time and place. In any case, even if it is impossible for a man to be a feminist, I'm perfectly happy with the statement that I'm trying to be a feminist: at worst it's formally analogous to the statement 'I'm trying to perfect', an aspiration that's impossible but probably none the worse for that.

Everyone

, regarding the last verse: I'd pretty much adopt Kyra's answer on this point. In the context of a real conversation, I agree that the singer would have been perfectly entitled to say, 'Well, okay, I sympathise, but please also note that I'm really tired and upset and you've just started your reply with "No no no, can't you see?", which is not very supportive; plus you've then gone on to describe a distinct, though related, problem that is not what I was talking about; plus you still have a lot more going for you than I have; plus what exactly have you done to help me with all this, since you're so sympathetic; plus I've run out of cookies.' And I tried to nod to that in the article. But on balance I think the song itself absorbs and neutralizes the problem. Purely by number of words, the man's experience accounts for only 15% of the song, and more importantly everything he says is there by the permission of, and enclosed within, the singer's narration. It's true that she doesn't come back in her own voice and add anything after it, but her quotation-mark is there after his final word.

And speaking of his final word, I think it's not unimportant that his literal final word is 'you', which returns the focus to the singer. Nor is it unimportant that having said 'you were just like me' (taking himself, and perhaps by implication men in general, as the norm) he immediately reverses it and says 'I was just like you' (comparing himself to a female norm). And, while we're on this last phrase, he doesn't say 'you are just like me and I am just like you', which would be the old 'But men are oppressed too!' line (in which 'too' implies not only 'also' but 'equally' and indeed 'to such an extent that it's unreasonable for you to complain about your oppression because what about mine?'); rather, he says 'you were just like me and I was just like you', i.e. 'the inequality here is not innate or necessary or inevitable', which is of course the point of the song. So although he starts unhelpfully, his comments over all come out as, 'Yes, you're right, and by the way my experience supports your view'.

So I read the construction of the end of the song as Williams actually being quite self-confident and, as I said in the article, generous, by using a male mouthpiece to broaden and sum up the over-all point of the song. On the other hand, as Frank suggests, she may also be making a subtle extra point with the implication that the singer-character herself is so weary from putting up with everything else that she also puts up with the man's intervention in the conversation, even though it has some characteristics of a hijacking as well as of an agreement. Nonetheless I see the song as broadly endorsing what he says (and vice versa).

In musical terms I don't detect any particular clues either way. In all the live versions the guitar does pretty well exactly the same thing under his speech as under the rest of the song; in the studio recording there's a little brass part (or possibly woodwind: I'm terrible at identifying instruments) under the last verse, but that doesn't seem to tell us anything much, and perhaps a hint of extra force in the strum under the 'see' in 'can't you see', which one could read as extra masculinity or as extra interruptiness. The only thing that I do find suggestive is that the instrumental backing doesn't resolve itself to a conclusion at the same time the vocal ends but carries on once more through the section that corresponds to the first four lines of each verse (e.g., in the first verse, 'I won't forget...' to '... pirate deck'). I'd say what that does is to leave the thought hanging, so the effect isn't 'Hurrah, the Man has solved the problem!', as it might be if the music came to an end along with the lyric, but something more like, 'Yes, there's the thing, isn't it? Let's think about that for a while.' It also - and here's where things get very subjective indeed - leaves me personally with the mental image of the singer sitting looking out at the fireflies in the back yard, which is a mental image to which the man, who may or may not be sitting with her, is not terribly relevant. It would be hard to argue that that's a thought the song is in any way designed to leave the listener with, but I do think it's perhaps significant that the instrumental section that's repeated after the end of the vocal is the section that corresponds in the first verse to the Peter Pan adventure, in the second to the topless cycling, and in the third to the awful day (ending, in fact, precisely with the line 'catching fireflies out in the back yard', so perhaps that's why that image sticks in my mind): in other words after the end of the singing the music takes us back to linger on the singer's experience, rather than ending on the man's response.

Andy

, I agree that if there is a problem in the song it is that it does at some point seem to imply that childhood as a whole is a sort of pre-gendered state, which is demonstrably not the case (as one sees from the extremely young age at which studies (can't at the moment lay my googling fingers on a reference, but there was a news story in the last few months) are now showing female babies preferring pink things and male ones blue things, combined with the

evidence

that these colour-preferences vary across time and space in a way that suggests very strongly that they are culturally imposed). But I think I'm inclined to let Williams off the hook for that, at least to some extent. The song does show the process of gendering happening during childhood (especially in the topless cycling episode, but also, more subtly and more sadly, in the line 'I said I was a boy; I'm glad he didn't check', which of course implies (not unjustly) that Peter Pan, and by extension much of the culture that we produce for children, is horrendously sexist and only lets boys have adventures and fight pirates. There's also the interesting question of the singer's mother's attitude: on the one hand, would it have 'scared the pants off' her quite so much if it had been her son climbing stuff? but on the other, is there a joking significance in the fact that we imagine her mother wearing pants (trousers, for those of us in other parts of the Anglophone world) in the first place, in mild defiance of the patriarchy? :) So I think on that score the fault may be more mine than Williams', since I see that the article does largely ignore those aspects and talk about childhood as pretty thoroughly ungendered.

Another reason I'm inclined to give the song a pass on this question is that I'm not sure we're meant to take the depiction of the singer's childhood literally. In the same way that we plainly aren't expected to assume the singer, for all her 'boyish' activities like climbing and cycling and fighting pirates, never did 'girly' things like talking to her mother and picking flowers and crying and being kind, so too I don't think we're meant to imagine that her childhood was as thoroughly infused with ungendered self-determination as perhaps it seems in the song. The thing is that every glimpse of her childhood is mediated through her adult memory, specifically for comparison with the oppressive present. So although it's functioning in the song as a sort of symbol of genderlessness and as a source of emotional support, I don't think that amounts to the song saying that that is what childhood is actually like.

I think part of it also comes down to the thing of this song not trying to be about all women (and men) ever. It speaks to me in part perhaps because my childhood was approximately as ungendered as the singer's: not by any means completely, but just enough that I can compare it to the present as draw pro-feminist conclusions from the comparison. There will be others for whom childhood was much more the site of comprehensive engendering (except that that's a word for something different, but you know what I mean) and is therefore much less an inner source of positivity, and for them adulthood may be the empowering idea because it provides the tools for self-liberation that were denied in childhood. I guess looking at it from that angle

When I was a boy

isn't really saying that childhood is literally or necessarily a time of liberation so much as just using childhood - this particular type of childhood - as a symbol of the equal and full humanity of everyone.

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Jamie Johnston

at 17:56 on 2010-06-12Seen since writing the above: Sister Magpie's

most recent comment

. Response: yes. :)

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http://alex-von-cercek.livejournal.com/

at 18:37 on 2010-06-12I was always taught that "feminism" meant striving for equality of the genders. That seemed a fine and noble undertaking, but I don't see how you can claim that definition if you can't admit the possibility of male feminists.

I call myself a feminist and not an ally because, well, I don't know you! I might disagree with you on a whole bunch of issues you consider quite important. And you can't claim that feminists always agree on everything, no more than other prefix-ists always agree (which is to say, hardly ever). Also, "ally" seems so very personal, like I'm claiming to be your old and trustworthy brother in arms, like I'm claiming this relationship exists between us where in fact there is none.

If I say I'm a feminist, I'm speaking for myself. If I said I'm an ally, I'd be telling you what I am to you.

On the subject of winning, and how though the man may not have won, he is ahead. He is, but it's like a game of Defcon 5 where you "win" or "are ahead" of the other guy because in the last half hour, 60 million people in his country died in nuclear fire, while your own civilian casualties are barely 30 million.

I mean, you've won, but it's hardly a desirable victory.

...er, don't mind me, I just started hanging around this site because you actually analyzed WH40k novels for their literary merit, and then kind of stuck around.

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Wardog

at 18:40 on 2010-06-12On a lighter note, I just can't get past the term Kyriarchy - which, by rights, should mean oppression by me.

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Wardog

at 18:42 on 2010-06-12PS:

...er, don't mind me, I just started hanging around this site because you actually analyzed WH40k novels for their literary merit, and then kind of stuck around.

Not at all, you are very welcome here :)

And I'm sure Arthur would agree that, as far as reasons to stick around go, that must be one of the best :D

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http://roisindubh211.livejournal.com/

at 20:42 on 2010-06-12I'm watching the football while I read, so I couldn't listen to the song, but I read the lyrics. And the last part, to me, read like she gets so tired and worn down that her defenses fail, and she admits to this story that she's been hiding- it felt a little scary, like anything can happen to her because she's vulnerable. And instead of attacking, he's secretly "just like you"- he's her ally, because he knows what gets lost too. So it felt hopeful to me, more than anything else- like, if you look, you can find more people who remember and mourn their own loss.

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Arthur B

at 21:12 on 2010-06-12

On the other hand, the word 'feminist' is structured analogously to any number of other '-ist' words that are routinely used and understood to mean 'person who subscribes to a given school of thought'.

Putting the joke hick accent aside, this is kind of the way I see it. If you consider feminism a philosophy, and "feminists" to be people who adhere to that philosophy (in the same way that "communists" believe in one of the various flavours of communism), then saying "men can't be feminists" is tantamount to saying "men can't accept and believe in these ideas, only women can". That implies that men's brains are just plain wired differently from women's - which I think is a thing called "essentialism", and isn't universally accepted by feminist thinkers.

(Which isn't, of course, to say that if you consider feminism a philosophy you can't criticise men who claim to be feminists but fundamentally just don't get it, or try to mansplain everything. It's like being a middle-class supporter of communism - sure, come to the meetings and wave the red flags, but don't pretend you're a proletarian when you're clearly not.)

On the other hand, you could argue that feminism isn't just another philosophy or school of thought like Marxism or liberalism or whatever, but is an entirely different sort of thing. In which case it might make more sense to deny the "feminist" tag to men.

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Andy G

at 21:29 on 2010-06-12@ Arthur: It's complicated a bit because being a socialist is a matter not just of believing certain things but also being committed to certain values and actions. Someone who believed socialism was true but never spoke up or did anything would not be a socialist. I guess you could argue that the privilege that men enjoy makes it difficult or impossible to be a feminist because it would prevent the ideas from translating into action. Somebody could believe feminist ideas but still act and talk in a very sexist way.

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Jamie Johnston

at 21:31 on 2010-06-12Also, Chloe Angyal just tweeted

'Feminist men are so fucking sexy'

, so after due consideration I've decided to be one of those, thank you very much.

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Arthur B

at 22:04 on 2010-06-12

It's complicated a bit because being a socialist is a matter not just of believing certain things but also being committed to certain values and actions. Someone who believed socialism was true but never spoke up or did anything would not be a socialist.

I think they would, at least by the philosophical definition - it's just that they'd also be a hypocrite or a coward or someone just plain compromising for the sake of a quiet life, like anyone who chooses to behave in a manner not in accordance with their beliefs.

Somebody could believe feminist ideas but still act and talk in a very sexist way.

Which makes them a hypocrite, and a deluded idiot who needs to examine their own actions.

Basically, I think men can call themselves feminists if they want to, but it's not necessarily down to them to decide whether they're actually any

good

at the whole feminism thing. See, for example, Jamie's comments about how he's trying to be a good feminist, even if he knows that sometimes he might not be.

I would say that someone who believes in socialism but doesn't speak up or do anything is still a socialist. They're just a crappy socialist.

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Andy G

at 00:36 on 2010-06-13@ Arthur: Well, the thing is that just believing a rule or principle to be correct doesn't mean you understand how to apply it. For instance, you may know it's a rule of football that it's a goal when the ball goes through the posts - but what if you're playing casual football with friends in the park and a stranger's dog runs onto the pitch and knocks the ball through the goal? If you say it doesn't count because it was the stranger's dog, it's not because you had agreed on some sort of exception to the rule in advance (It's a goal wen the ball goes through the posts unless it was knocked in by a dog), but rather that you understood the point of the rules (to structure the game to make things more fun). Coming at a system of rules or principles from the outside, you can fail to grasp how to apply them unless you're able to understand the point behind them. The situation of privilege can impede being able to understand the perspective that allows you to apply the principles of feminism correctly, even if you believe them to be correct.

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Viorica

at 01:00 on 2010-06-13

That implies that men's brains are just plain wired differently from women's - which I think is a thing called "essentialism", and isn't universally accepted by feminist thinkers.

But isn't that part of the definition of transgender- that the person's brain is one gender while their body is another? If there was no difference between the male and female brain, then surely transpeople wouldn't

exist

, because their brains wouldn't register any difference? Or for a more specific example, there have been cases- I can't remember the names, but I know at least one was in Canada- where a child was born physically male but raised female due to a botched circumcision, and chose to live as a man after being told what had happened. If there was no difference between the male and female brains, then he would have been happy to live as a woman, because he would have identified the way he was raised.

Some feminists do ascribe to the idea that there's no difference between the brains. They're wrong, and they erase transpeople in what they percieve as efforts to prove that men and women are equal. They're doing more harm than good.

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Arthur B

at 01:02 on 2010-06-13I don't see how this changes the situation though. Someone who believes in feminism, or communism, or football, but doesn't really know how to apply this is a just plain bad feminist, or a bad communist, or a bad footballer.

If privilege sometimes ends up hampering men's ability to do the feminist thing in a situation, then that means then men are going to tend to be less successful at being feminists than women. That doesn't mean they're not feminists - that would imply they didn't

want

to do the right thing, when they might well want to do the right thing but not know what that is. It just mean they're not as good at it as people who aren't blindsided by privilege are.

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Andy G

at 01:24 on 2010-06-13@ Arthur: I'd say you need to be able to apply the principles to a certain degree of competence before you merit the label feminist. Sort of like with language - you can only speak the language fluently once you're able to actively and creatively apply the rules you've learned. But it's a moot point about labelling really (see discussion about genre), as long as you accept the difficulties that the privileged male perspective can present to applying feminist principles.

@ Viorica: Are you talking about Julie Bindel? I agree entirely, though I don't think there HAS to be a physiological difference between the brains to justify trans people's gender identities. Even if gender is entirely a social or psychological construct, that doesn't mean it's NOT a building block of someone's identity - there's nothing 'unreal' about it.

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Andy G

at 02:00 on 2010-06-13To clarify: I agree with Viorica. Not Julie Bindel.

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Viorica

at 02:09 on 2010-06-13*looks up Julie Bindel* She's certainly a good example of the phenomena. As to the physiological versus social causes- I don't think that

can

be it, because otherwise, why wouldn't the buy I mentioned above (I think his name was David something) have ID'd as female? He was raised that way. Besides, the social construsts of gender usually imply extremes- the "manly man" archetype or the woman all decked out in pink- but transpeople often vary within the spectrum of the gender they idenfity as. A transman might not identify with any traditional definition of masculinity yet still consider himself a man. Either way, it should definitely be considered a legitimate identity- on that we're in complete agreement.

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Arthur B

at 08:46 on 2010-06-13@Andy: I think it is worth linguistically decoupling belief in a particular -ism from someone's ability to live that belief. If saying "X is not a Y-ist" means that X doesn't believe in Y in the first place, and saying "X is not a very good Y-ist" means that X is just plain bad at putting Y-ism into effect, that's surely less liable to confuse than a situation where "X is not a Y-ist"

could

mean that X doesn't believe in Y, or

could

mean that X in fact does believe in Y but is incompetent at putting it into effect.

I could go around calling myself "a believer in feminism" rather than a "feminist", but I suspect a great many people - most likely the majority - would regard the one and the other as being identical anyway. For the same reason I'd question the utility of using "supporter of feminism" or "ally of feminism", because a lot of the time people will reduce that in their heads to "feminist" anyway.

But I agree at this point we're debating semantics.

@Andy Viorica: To be honest I was using "you're saying mens' brains and womens' brains are wired differently" in the sense that "you're saying that on a cold, philosophical level, there are some arguments that men just can't follow and some arguments women can't follow" (which is a point the argument has moved away from when it became clear that neither side believed it).

Obviously, transgenderism is a real phenomenon, obviously on an experiential level the experiences of men and women (trans and otherwise) are going to differ. I'm not enough of a neurologist to comment on actual physiological differences.

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Andy G

at 12:19 on 2010-06-13@ Viorica: I'm not going to pretend to be any expert, but I'd guess there are complicated different reasons why someone might legitimately identify as a certain gender. A particular person's personality is socially constructed but so too are the kinds of identities available to them - a Western person couldn't identify along the lines of Eastern gender identities, for instance, or premodern European gender identities. Bindel's point appears to be that, because there is in fact no essence behind gender identities (something backed up by the existence of intergender people, for instance), it's nonsensical to feel that there's a mismatch between your body and your 'real' gender, but of course these gender identities (constructed or not) do form the building blocks of our selves.

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Andy G

at 12:24 on 2010-06-13@ Arthur: Now I'm a bit more awake, it suddenly occurs that that Cracked article about women in Red Dead Redemption is a good example of misapplied feminist beliefs. Alternatively, I remember reading that back in Britain's colonial days, men who voted against women's rights at home used feminist arguments to condemn foreign countries as primitive (the same thing happens today with regard to gay rights).

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Arthur B

at 14:21 on 2010-06-13@Andy - All of that is appalling, but it looks to me like a situation where the people involved claim to believe in feminist principles but demonstrably don't, in which case they are not feminists but have deluded themselves into thinking they are, or do believe but are just shit feminists.

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Dan H

at 17:22 on 2010-06-13

But isn't that part of the definition of transgender- that the person's brain is one gender while their body is another? If there was no difference between the male and female brain, then surely transpeople wouldn't exist, because their brains wouldn't register any difference?

I think you're oversimplifying a number of complex issues here, some of them scientific and some of them sociological and gender-political.

This is going to get long, because it's complicated, and like Andy I'm not an expert.

For a start, I'm not sure it's possible to separate "the brain" from "the body" as absolutely as you seem to think. The brain is, after all, part of the body so describing somebody as having a "brain" of one gender and a "body" of another is inherently contradictory. It simply wouldn't be possible for somebody to be "physically male" and yet have a "female brain" because the brain is part of the physical body. It's as contradictory as suggesting that somebody could be "physically male" and still possess ovaries and a uterus. You seem to be using "brain" here as a way of expressing a more nebulous concept of self-identity.

Arguing for the existence of a "male" and "female" brain reduces gender to an observable property of a person's physical body. Saying "this person is male because he has a male brain" is ultimately just as trans-erasing as saying "this person is male because he has a penis". I'd also note that most "male and female brain" studies say very little about actual gender identity, indeed most people who study the differences (if any) between men's and women's brains specifically exclude transpeople from their studies or insist on categorizing them as members of their "biological" sex.

To put it another way, if you tested a trans-man, and found that he had a "female" brain, would that mean that he was a woman? Or is it, in your view, impossible for such a thing to happen? I'd point out that most studies that *do* conclude that there are "male" and "female" brains also point out that some (cisgendered) men have female brains and some (cisgendered) women have male brains, and vice versa. If as you suggest transgenderism has to be explained in terms of the existence of a "male brain" and "female brain" I am not sure how you explain these results.

Or for a more specific example, there have been cases- I can't remember the names, but I know at least one was in Canada- where a child was born physically male but raised female due to a botched circumcision, and chose to live as a man after being told what had happened. If there was no difference between the male and female brains, then he would have been happy to live as a woman, because he would have identified the way he was raised.

You're presenting a false dichotomy here. Off the top of my head I can think of a great many reasons why this guy didn't identify as female, the most obvious of them being that while he was raised female, he was presumably also raised in contemporary western society, and contemporary western society teaches (wrongly) that your gender is what you are born as. Once he found out he was "really" a boy, he would very likely have assumed that it was best to live under his "real" gender.

Adoption might be a good analogy here. If you have two biological children and an adopted child, you wouldn't argue that the adopted child's brain is *structurally different* from the biological children. If the adopted child finds out that they are adopted, however, they are quite likely to consider their adopted parents not to be their "real" parents even though those people raised them. Or they might not. Either way you can't say that it "has to be" something in the brain.

Put simply, gender identity is complicated (as for that matter is identity in general) and reducing it to a single factor is unhelpful, incorrect and (ironically) trans-erasing. Suppose that a conclusive study were to be published tomorrow which proved that men's and women's brains are not structurally different - would you then conclude that transpeople no longer have a valid gender identity?

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Andy G

at 17:55 on 2010-06-13@ Dan: Yes. Exactly.

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Sister Magpie

at 18:26 on 2010-06-13

You're presenting a false dichotomy here. Off the top of my head I can think of a great many reasons why this guy didn't identify as female, the most obvious of them being that while he was raised female, he was presumably also raised in contemporary western society, and contemporary western society teaches (wrongly) that your gender is what you are born as. Once he found out he was "really" a boy, he would very likely have assumed that it was best to live under his "real" gender.

Hmm. But see, in his case he already considered his "real" gender to be male. He just always had people telling him he was wrong, that he was female because that was what his body was and that was what he was socialized to be.

I wouldn't say that his brain was structurally different, but he clearly was born with an inborn *something* that naturally conformed more to behavior people considered "male," and more importantly, with a natural sense of himself as male. And unfortunately, iirc, a lot of this was denied and covered up by his psychologist who wanted him to fit his theory. This also led to the family being ordered to not reveal his original physical gender to him at all costs even when they wanted to tell him the truth because they thought it would be a relief to him.

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Viorica

at 18:30 on 2010-06-13I'm not sure you're entirely understanding me. I'm not saying that the difference between male and female brains are purely physiological. I'm saying that there is a difference, because otherwise no one would ever ID as the gender they weren't assigned to at birth. Since we don't know a lot about how the brain works, it's hard to say exactly what the relationship between the brain and the body is- and how much of what we think and feel is chemical as opposed to sociological- but I don't believe that gender is a purely social construct.

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Sister Magpie

at 18:32 on 2010-06-13Oh, also another thing to consider is hermaphrodites. There is a practice of "choosing" a gender sometimes when a baby is born. I remember in a book I was reading about some of these issues and there was a guy whose mother refused to let them do this. He was giving a talk at a thing for hermaphrodites and he said it was because of his mother standing up for him that he was not standing before them that day as a very angry lesbian.

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Viorica

at 18:34 on 2010-06-13

And unfortunately, iirc, a lot of this was denied and covered up by his psychologist who wanted him to fit his theory.

That was a big part of it too. The case was widely-publicised, and the psychologist involved wanted to make his reputation on it. Plus, the boy didn't only start to ID as male after being told the truth- he always preferred being a boy. He just didn't know why, because he was being purposefully misgendered.

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Sister Magpie

at 18:45 on 2010-06-13

That was a big part of it too. The case was widely-publicised, and the psychologist involved wanted to make his reputation on it. Plus, the boy didn't only start to ID as male after being told the truth- he always preferred being a boy. He just didn't know why, because he was being purposefully misgendered.

Exactly. Iirc, his life was a series of identifying as a boy and having someone tell him, "No no no!" And I remember the kids in his class called him "Bigfoot" because, basically, he didn't move like a girl. Not that it isn't possible for a girl to have the same kind of way of moving, but it really did seem like his behavior was full of millions of little things that people considered "wrong" for a girl.

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Andy G

at 19:15 on 2010-06-13@ Viorica:

I'm not saying that the difference between male and female brains are purely physiological. I'm saying that there is a difference, because otherwise no one would ever ID as the gender they weren't assigned to at birth.

I don't think the 'because' clause follows, because the difference doesn't have to be 'in the brains'. It could be a difference at the level of consciousness/selfhood - in the mind - that is a function of the way the person interprets socially constructed identities and roles as applicable or inapplicable to them (on the basis of their sensibilties, traits, physical features, etc.). Their interpretation could differ from that which is imposed on them by other people but that does not mean that the identity itself is not constructed.

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Jamie Johnston

at 20:25 on 2010-06-13I'm feeling quite squeamish about this chapter of the discussion: it feels like a conversation that's likely to be at best fruitless and at worst, er, worse in the absence of specific knowledge of the state of neuropsychological research and / or first-hand or close second-hand experience of what it's like to be a transgendered person, and I get the impression we have neither of those things here at the moment. So no contribution from me at this stage, really.

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Andy G

at 20:44 on 2010-06-13Yes I'm feeling that too. My arguments are hypotheticals about what must or needn't follow if something is the case. Some solid data would be handy.

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Frank

at 21:05 on 2010-06-13To back up the conversation:

People can choose or opt out of various world views (theistic, philosophic, political, etc.) they were born into. Granted, some may experience some emotional difficulty in doing so but that's mostly due to family relations rather than social ones. People can't chose the sex, sexuality, gender identification, race, or the physical and mental ability they are born with though there are surgical procedures like sex reassignments or cochlear implants which can alter one's appearance or deafness. Neither procedure will grant the full sex change (testicles for ovaries or vice versa, to name one example) or complete hearing restoration. (But maybe the scientists will one day find the means to do so, and perhaps that will be the singularity.)

Women, the LGBTQ community, People of Color, Disabled people grow-up in culture that defines them as 'less than' and/or 'other'. A white, straight, abled male can be an ally to all those communities but still say something unintentionally offensive because those men grewup within the same culture with its institutional sexism, racism, homophobia, etc but who aren't as sensitive to the kyiarchal language or images being used within the culture because it didn't hurt them. This isn't a criticism. It's an understandable, self-preservation tactic. People need to be taught to consider others. Allies make mistakes, and if they are true allies they apologize and reflect on their offense in the hopes of recognizing the institutionalized whatever that gave it to them and learn how to be a better, stronger ally. I think this is best done by reading various blogs within the communities one is most interested in being an Ally to as it is not the responsibility of the non-dominant communities to teach the white, straight, abled man about the minority community.

Returning to the male as feminist argument.

Here's the jist of what a feminist friend told me some years ago:

You're anti-rape, but that doesn't make you a rape victim. You don't know what's its like. You might be able to imagine it, the fear and violation, but you haven't experienced it. You can help rape victims: provide legal support, meeting space, or coffee for support groups, but you can't go to the group because you're not a rape victim. In fact, even though you've probably raped no one, you represent the rapist just by having a dick. So you can support rape victim causes and feminist causes, but that support doesn't make you a rape victim or feminist just a friend (ally).

Now, it was only one woman that told me this and she obviously doesn't speak for all feminist, but it smacked me pretty hard at the time and I was a bit butt hurt about it, yet when the hurt subsided I came to see her perspective, and how it relates to other marginalized communities.

Men are not in the community of women like whites aren't in the community of anyone of color.

Men can offer to volunteer for the community of women like whites can do the same for communities of color.

Women to men: thanks, vote for suffrage, that would help out a lot. PoC to whites: write to your House Rep/Senator and demand that he pass the Civil Rights Bill, thanks.

NOW to men: we got this, but you can donate. NUL to whites: we got this, but you can donate.

But I'm willing to be wrong. According to Sarah Palin, she is a feminist, so why not Jamie and Alex?

Apologies for the US-centric references!

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Jamie Johnston

at 21:47 on 2010-06-13

According to Sarah Palin, she is a feminist, so why not Jamie and Alex?

Ouch! ;)

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Frank

at 21:51 on 2010-06-13:D

In good fun!

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http://alex-von-cercek.livejournal.com/

at 22:37 on 2010-06-13I think the analogy loses something when it tries to equate being a rape victim with being a feminist. I think we can all agree that being raped is not a prerequisite for joining the feminist club.

In fact, they're different in a very crucial way - rape only harms the victim, not the perpetrator. I don't believe that it's actually in my best interest to perpetuate the patriarchy. I don't think I'm shooting myself in the foot when I complain about how women are portrayed in media. I think that when and if we achieve actual equality of the sexes on this planet, in a sort of Star Trek-esque future utopia where all ancient irrational prejudices have been wiped out,

I as a white heterosexual European male will be better off than I was before.

Again, yeah, I'm "ahead", but it's not a desirable ahead. We're not all rape victims, but we're all victims (with varied degrees of actual harm incurred) of the patriarchy/kyriarchy/irrational prejudices that fuck up humanity's shit. That's one of the things "When I was a boy" is about, right?

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Melissa G.

at 22:44 on 2010-06-13For what it's worth (sorry this is late in coming), my very close friend is transgender, and he and I have talked about it a lot. And what he tells me is that he believes that trans people are meant to be born as whatever gender they identify as but that there was a genetic mishap that happened to make them the wrong gender. In which case, there would be a connection with brain chemistry and gender, I suppose. But it's probably also safe to say that not every trans person has the same experiences/beliefs and there could be multiple reasons for why someone identifies as the opposite of their physical gender that have less to do with science and more to do with social pressures/conditioning. But most trans people (to the best of my knowledge) spend their whole lives feeling like they are in the wrong body. It's something that's there with them from a very, very early age so I feel like there has to be a biological reason for it. But I, like everyone else, am no expert on the subject.

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Melissa G.

at 22:44 on 2010-06-13Apologies for opening that topic up again, but I felt like it was important....

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Arthur B

at 22:45 on 2010-06-13To be honest, so long as a person's actions have a net positive effect on things, I couldn't care less what they call themselves, so long as they don't use whatever titles they've given themselves as a stick to beat other people with.

So Sarah Palin pretty much fails on every single point there.

Apologies for the US-centric references!

I wonder, in fact, whether there isn't a cultural thing at work here with the "ally" thing. It's not terminology I've seen from many UK sources, and I kind of share Jamie's reluctance to go out and unilaterally declare myself someone's ally - surely it's their call whether I'm an ally or not? It could be we are being terribly English about the whole thing.

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Dan H

at 23:18 on 2010-06-13

I'm saying that there is a difference, because otherwise no one would ever ID as the gender they weren't assigned to at birth

I think we might be talking at cross purposes here, because I think we're talking about two different things.

One is the origins or otherwise of gender identity. This is a Big Serious Complicated Issue and one I'm not remotely qualified to talk about apart from saying "it's really complicated." It's ultimately reductionist to say that it comes from any one source, be that socialization or some currently unknown neurological factor.

The second issue is the concept of "male" and "female" brains - the notion that women's brains innately process information differently from men's. The first thing to say is that the jury is simply out on this. There's no good scientific evidence one way or the other. The second thing to say is that even the studies which *do* support the idea that men and women process information in different ways observe that there is broad variation between the sexes, so a great many men will have "female-type" brains and a great many women will have "male-type" brains, but these people will not self-identify as a member of the other gender. If there *is* a brain-based "root cause" of gender identity, it's got nothing to do with the concept of "brain type" so beloved of gender essentialists.

It's true that there's a line of transphobic apologia which runs along the lines of "transpeople just reinforce the gender binary," which is of course offensive, but it's important not to go down the line of assuming that transgenderism *requires* gender essentialism. To put this in pure I-statements, I personally do not believe that men and women are "wired differentely" or that you can describe a particular person as having a "male" or "female" brain any more than you can describe them as having a male or female heart. I also believe that trans-men really are men, just as much as I am and I do not, personally, see a contradiction in these two positions.

The question of why some people self-identify as a gender different to the one they were assigned at birth is one to which I do not have, and do not propose, an answer, but I certainly do not think there needs to be a single physiological source which determines a person's "real" gender.

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Dan H

at 23:28 on 2010-06-13

But most trans people (to the best of my knowledge) spend their whole lives feeling like they are in the wrong body. It's something that's there with them from a very, very early age so I feel like there has to be a biological reason for it. But I, like everyone else, am no expert on the subject.

From my (very limited) understanding this is another thing that Varies Really Quite A Lot so I suspect that the best that we can do is to put our hands up and say "This Is Extremely Complicated And It Is Important Not To Make Generalizations".

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Jamie Johnston

at 23:31 on 2010-06-13

Melissa

,

Apologies for opening that topic up again, but I felt like it was important...

No need to apologize: I didn't mean to seem like I was trying to close down the discussion, just to flag up that maybe it couldn't get much further than it had done without referring to actual trans experiences (which is what you've relayed here) and / or scientific evidence.

I'm extremely uncertain about the whole question. My highly non-expert understanding is that it's generally agreed among the relevant experts that a lot of extremely important stuff happens in very early childhood, to the point where it's quite risky to assume that a given characteristic is innate solely on the basis that the person concerned has had it ever since she or he can remember. On the other hand I know of no evidence that transgender isn't at least partly physiological, and it's clearly obnoxious to do the thing Viorica complains of, namely challenging a transgendered person's interpretation of his or her own experience not on the basis of evidence but simply to defend an absolutist position on the construction of gender. On the other hand again (what is this, the third hand? - sorry), surely one could in principle hold that absolutist view while also saying, 'Even if the transgender experience of being born in the wrong body is somehow scientifically false, it's still clearly something that they haven't consciously chosen and that means their bodies are preventing them living the lives they want, and therefore it's extremely important that they be able to make whatever changes to their lives and their bodies will make them feel more truly themselves, and that they not be stigmatized for it.' But perhaps that misses the point, I don't know. I confess on trans issues I'm at such an early stage of learning that I wouldn't even call myself a beginner as I'm now prepared to do on the more 'traditional' feminist issues. Hence I shall clam up again now! :)

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Jamie Johnston

at 23:37 on 2010-06-13Good grief, I've just re-read the hypothetical position in my comment above that starts 'Even if the transgender experience...' and seen that it's very othering and rather awful. Not that I was saying it was my position, but still, gah. I really shall shut up now before I do that again (especially since Dan has done a better job while I was writing).

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Melissa G.

at 04:39 on 2010-06-14

I suspect that the best that we can do is to put our hands up and say "This Is Extremely Complicated And It Is Important Not To Make Generalizations".

Oh, I most certainly agree. I imagine it's a complicated mix of nurture and nature (like most things) that no one can really pin down and make work for every single experience. Which is probably why I find psychology so fascinating. :-)

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Melissa G.

at 04:44 on 2010-06-14

No need to apologize: I didn't mean to seem like I was trying to close down the discussion, just to flag up that maybe it couldn't get much further than it had done without referring to actual trans experiences (which is what you've relayed here) and / or scientific evidence.

Thanks! I was just making sure. Because it's all very well and good for me to be like "Well, my trans friends says..." but I still can't speak to the topic with much authority past what I've been told by the one person I know who's trans.

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Frank

at 05:10 on 2010-06-14

I wonder, in fact, whether there isn't a cultural thing at work here with the "ally" thing.

I was thinking this too when I saw the tweeter from Jamie's link was from Australia, but then continued down the short bio to learn that she went to Princeton and lives in NYC which makes me think she would be familiar with the use of 'ally'. So, yeah, I don't know.

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Dan H

at 23:03 on 2010-06-14

On the other hand again (what is this, the third hand? - sorry), surely one could in principle hold that absolutist view while also saying, 'Even if the transgender experience of being born in the wrong body is somehow scientifically false, it's still clearly something that they haven't consciously chosen and that means their bodies are preventing them living the lives they want, and therefore it's extremely important that they be able to make whatever changes to their lives and their bodies will make them feel more truly themselves, and that they not be stigmatized for it.'

Replying to this point because as somebody who *does* hold the "absolutist" view (insofar as I consider it extremely probable that there is no such thing as a "male" or "female" brain and don't see much room for maneuver on that) I thought it might be worth clarifying a couple of things - if only because otherwise I'm tacitly admitting to being a trans-hating bigot.

The first thing is that, as I understand it, there's a difference between being *transsexual* (feeling that you were born in the "wrong body") and being *transgender* (possessing a gender identity which does not match the identity assigned to you at birth, or by society). Obviously the two often go together but it is possible to be transgender without being transsexual. There are quite a lot of people who self-identify as a member of the "opposite" sex but feel no particular discomfort with their bodies. There are, in fact, men who are perfectly happy with their vaginas.

This again is part of what makes me so uncomfortable about the "girl brain/boy brain" idea. If you assume that trans-identity has to stem from a "dissonance" between the brain and the body, then you exclude all those who feel no such dissonance. There are people who self-define as trans but feel no need to have surgery - something which under the "male and female brains" model should be impossible. I'm also not certain how it accounts for people who identify as genderqueer, or for people who are intersex.

Ultimately some people *do* feel like they were born in the "wrong body" and it's obviously important to recognize the validity of that but at the same time it's important to recognize that when it comes to a person's body "right" and "wrong" are subjective terms. If somebody feels that they're supposed to have breasts, then they're supposed to have breasts - this has nothing to do with gender essentialism and everything to do with people's rights (within the limits of technology and some really horribly complicated areas of medical ethics) to have control over their bodies.

I think it's quite important to recognize that a person's right to define both their gender identity and what happens to their body (which may or may not correlate) does not need to be validated by reference to biology. Indeed most attempts to define gender in biological terms have major problems - some men have ovaries, some women have testes, and if you believe in that sort of thing, some men have female brains. It feels a little like this thread has tacitly accepted Viorica's original dichotomy (embrace gender essentialism or invalidate trans identity) and I think it's quite important to realize that this isn't necessary.

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Andy G

at 15:21 on 2010-06-16I just noticed that there is an interesting series called 'A trangender journey' on the Guardian at the moment:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jun/02/transgender-journey

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Furare

at 20:13 on 2010-07-26I wanted to say something about this article when I first read it, but could never quite work out what to say. So, just two things, then:

(1) Men can absolutely be feminists, and in my opinion "feminist" is exactly what they ought to call themselves. "Feminism" is still treated as something of a dirty word by some people, so I think that anyone who holds genuinely pro-equality opinions should proudly claim the label and not be put off by wondering whether they deserve it. Make people think twice about what feminism and being "a feminist" actually means.

(2) That song is awesome, and I think the last verse is as necessary as any of the rest. Primarily because, even as a feminist who was a tomboy growing up, I still thought "wait, what?" about the man asserting "when I was a girl". Because it's somehow more acceptable for a girl to behave like a boy than the reverse - apparently, even in my head. <cone>

@Jamie specifically: Since you've read some of Fugitivus' blog, I wondered if you'd ever come across

this article

, which I found via a link in one of her posts. It reminded me of what Alex said in this thread about how he believes that abolition of sexism would benefit him as a man, which is something I believe to be true also. (Even though I'm a woman, heh.)

I wish I could write something as coherent as this about why I became a feminist, but every time I try it just fails to come out right. :(

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Jamie Johnston

at 13:27 on 2010-08-01Hi Furare, sorry not to have responded earlier - I've been moving house and things have been a bit wouaeugh.

Yes, I do remember reading that, quite possibly linked from Fugitivus, but I'd forgotten it so it was good to be reminded, thanks. It produces in me a somewhat similar reaction to the line 'I have lost and you have won' in the song, namely a blend of sadness, shame (by proxy, by association, and directly), resolve, and fear at the scale of the task. A this-is-the-price-of-your-privilege smoothie, if you like. Just the thing to drink in the morning before a day of trying not to be a cad. :)

And yeah, I agree that abolishing sexism would benefit men. (Unless of course it turned out that abolishing sexism involved, as some suggest, abolishing 'men' and 'women' as separate categories, in which case it would benefit the people formerly classified as men.) Hypothetical men in the future, definitely. But it's a bit strange to think about whether it would benefit me because it's very difficult to imagine. I mean difficult not just in the sense that it's difficult to imagine a world without sexism but that it's difficult to imagine that happening within my lifetime so that I would be able to benefit from it. I can imagine waking up tomorrow and finding that cars had been abolished, or war, or higher education, because those are external things that could, in theory, just simply stop in an instant and never be seen again, and we'd all be the same people we were the day before except we wouldn't be able to travel / get killed / learn stuff in quite the same way. Whereas sexism is in all our heads and we wouldn't be the same people without it. It's in my head and I don't know what it would feel like for it not to be there and how much I'd feel like me. So trying to imagine a world without sexism involves either imagining a world without me in it, in which case I obviously wouldn't be getting any personal benefit, or imagining a world in which I were a different person, possibly a radically different one, in which case it's hard to identify the 'me' who would be getting the benefit.

You might reasonably accuse me of thinking too literally about a hypothetical situation that's really just a turn of phrase, but that is pretty much my reaction, even without the alternate-world theorizing. I can't imagine getting any serious personal benefit out of not being a sexist or out of other people not being sexist (apart from the 'I feel better about myself' benefit that's always used to 'disprove' altruism). When I think about making myself and others less sexist - when I conceive that task and feel my reaction to it - it feels like a hard and unending slog with little promise of personal reward. I feel like I would be more content and more self-confident and probably even a more interesting and fun person if I made myself not care. I might even, on balance, bring more pleasure and excitement to other people's lives that way, but it would be at the price of doing some harm and supporting harmful behaviour in others.

Which isn't to say that feminism never makes life more pleasant or fun for men who engage in it: I'm sure some, maybe most, find that it makes them more outgoing, or more at peace with themselves, or more exciting, or more relaxed, or whatever. I guess it depends on the mental techniques you use to change yourself. My experience of self-improvement mostly involves self-censorship, self-criticism, and working to neutralize bits of myself, which over all tends to make me less talkative*, less confident, less spontaneous, less relaxed, and generally less interesting. Which isn't a benefit. Of course if sexism were suddenly magically removed from all our minds while we slept I wouldn't have to do so much of that, which I guess would be a benefit, but also I'd be someone different (and so would you and everyone else), so it would be a benefit to someone else. If you see what I mean.

* (Some may be surprised by the suggestion that I'm becoming less talkative. I'd clarify that if this comment weren't already far too long and far too much about me. But it is, so.)

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Furare

at 15:54 on 2010-08-01Ha! I'm afraid that feminism is making me *more* talkative, while at the same time, a bit of a killjoy. Sometimes I'm afraid that I am the world's most boring person for caring about any of this. But - I don't know if you've found this or not - I can't stop caring about it. Once you realise how fucked up everything is, it's really difficult to stop realising. It's everywhere, and once you've started noticing it, you keep noticing. You - or at least I - just can't help it anymore.

You're right that sexism is kind of embedded in our culture and it's difficult to imagine what things would be like without it. But - and I may well be telling you something you already know here - being anti-sexism doesn't actually benefit an individual woman any more than you feel it benefits you. Life is actually a lot easier if you shut up, smile and don't think too hard. Being a feminist has made me paranoid that I sound "too angry" (self-critical, and also a sign of internalised sexism), careful about not making "reverse sexist" comments about men in case someone decides I'm a hypocrite (self-censorship), and as I've already said, I'm afraid it makes me less interesting.

But then I guess, like all activism, the end result is the reason we do it, not because it will benefit us. Not that I particularly mind the idea of being someone different, mostly because that person would probably be less neurotic.

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Robinson L

at 18:30 on 2010-08-02Sorry, may comment more when I've gotten around to reading the article proper. For now I just want to pop in and address this:

Furare: Once you realise how fucked up everything is, it's really difficult to stop realising. It's everywhere, and once you've started noticing it, you keep noticing. You - or at least I - just can't help it anymore.

Seriously, are you reading my mind or something?

Being a feminist has made me paranoid that I sound "too angry"

Yeah, I'd noticed you apologizing for

your mini-rant

on the

gender-segregated exams

a couple months ago. I've also heard Kyra apologize once or twice in the podcasts for having a feminist rant. Personally, I wince at every apology, because I strongly believe it's something you shouldn't be apologizing for, and I hope this site at least is a safe space for people to air those types of feelings.

I'm afraid it makes me less interesting.

Exactly the opposite, to my mind.

But then I guess, like all activism, the end result is the reason we do it, not because it will benefit us.

Agreed, but for myself, I find solution-based activism incredibly fulfilling and satisfying. (Ranting about the problem can be fun too, and a good way to blow off steam, but I don't get the same sense of accomplishment as when I'm participating in a project which I think will - even in just a small way - make the world/some section thereof a better and more equal place. Yay, run-on sentences!)

It sounds like your experience is rather different, and I'm sorry to hear it.

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Dan H

at 10:02 on 2010-08-03

Men can absolutely be feminists, and in my opinion "feminist" is exactly what they ought to call themselves. "Feminism" is still treated as something of a dirty word by some people, so I think that anyone who holds genuinely pro-equality opinions should proudly claim the label and not be put off by wondering whether they deserve it. Make people think twice about what feminism and being "a feminist" actually means.

Just thought I'd chime in on this one.

I think the problem with being a feminist-identified-man is that while "Feminism" is treated as a dirty word by some people, it's treated as a get-out-of-jail-free card by others. c.f. "Joss Whedon Is A Feminist Therefore His Portrayal of Gender Can Never Be Problematic" arguments passim ad nauseam.

A depressing number of feminist-identified-men treat feminism as this abstract principle which in no way requires them to modify their behaviour. I suspect, for example, that the vast majority of Nice Guys also consider themselves feminists (because after all, being a Nice Guy is all about having *respect* for women and that's what feminism *is*, right?).

As a result I (ironically) tend to only self-define as a feminist to anti-feminists, and otherwise just settle for "trying not to be too much of a dickbag".

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Dan H

at 10:22 on 2010-08-03

Yeah, I'd noticed you apologizing for your mini-rant on the gender-segregated exams a couple months ago. I've also heard Kyra apologize once or twice in the podcasts for having a feminist rant. Personally, I wince at every apology, because I strongly believe it's something you shouldn't be apologizing for, and I hope this site at least is a safe space for people to air those types of feelings.

So ... B must try harder?

Sorry if this sounds oversensitive but it just strikes me that Furare's initial comment stands perfectly well on its own as a description of her experiences and doesn't need you to elaborate on it.

Sorry if this sounds overly hostile, but this is kind of the behaviour I was talking about in my previous comment. Your response here is actually a little bit patronising - Furare is an intelligent adult woman who is capable of articulating and understanding her own experiences, she doesn't *need* you to spell it out for her. She certainly doesn't need your permission or your encouragement to express herself.

I'm sure it's not your intent, but your entire comment reads like your primary concern is pointing out to us what a Big Damned Feminist you are rather than actually engaging with anything anybody has said. I mean basically your whole post boils down to "I feel the same way you do, except more strongly, and I'm more comfortable about it, and I do more."

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Furare

at 11:44 on 2010-08-03

As a result I (ironically) tend to only self-define as a feminist to anti-feminists, and otherwise just settle for "trying not to be too much of a dickbag".

Yeah, that's kind of what I meant by claiming the title anyway. It's not like I go up to people and say "Hi, I'm Furare, and I'm a feminist" a la Daffyd from Little Britain. And you're right that there are feminist men who use feminism as a shield rather than engaging with it as an ideology. My original comment did say "anyone who holds genuinely pro-equality opinions", which to my mind involves the behaviour modification that some allegedly feminist men never try to do.

I guess the thing is that, like one of the posters above, I don't like people telling me they're my ally. Call yourself a feminist and I can say "Well, okay then, but if you're a feminist why do you still do X/laugh at Y?" Call yourself an "ally", and maybe it's just me, but I would feel like I can't nitpick as much because "you're not really my ally" sounds more personal than "you're not really a feminist".

I do agree with something you said once, Dan, which was (I think): "Men who identify as feminists should take a good look at themselves because, guys, there is a non-zero chance that you are a creepy asshole". Being male and a feminist involves more self-scrutiny and self-censorship than being female and a feminist. But it's possible as long as you ("you" being the hypothetical feminist man) keep an eye on yourself and make sure your actions match your words.

I stand by the comment that men can be feminists. I don't think that every man who claims to be a feminist is one, which is why men who *really are* feminists should claim the label. And maybe challenge the Nice Guy jackasses who are using feminism as a means to cover their collective asses. I do think there's a negative correlation between how feminist a man actually is, and how willing he is to call himself a feminist.

It sounds like your experience is rather different, and I'm sorry to hear it.

Well, my immediate experience is being told to lighten up and not take everything so seriously by my mother, having my sister tell me that I'm RUINING THE JOKE when I point out that something is problematic, being told every now and again that I'm "one of the boys" by someone who means it as a compliment...

And apparently I'm "too rigid" if I insist on always paying for my own dinner. Even though the reason I want to do it is because there is no good reason for me to let a man buy me dinner, short of me buying him dinner in return at a later date. Or if it's my birthday. Which is, like, once a year.

RE: Apologising - I apologised for the mini-rant because it was technically a massive derail. I do have a tendency to apologise when I don't need to in real life, but I always thought this was just because I'm British.

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Jamie Johnston

at 13:31 on 2010-08-03

But - I don't know if you've found this or not - I can't stop caring about it.

Yes, I know what you mean. In principle I think I have to believe that one could somehow switch it off again, because it feels like as a necessary corollary to my belief that people can make themselves better I have to also believe that people can make themselves worse. But it's quite hard to imagine how that would actually work.

I've also heard Kyra apologize once or twice in the podcasts for having a feminist rant.

Well, yeeees, but also I remember Arthur apologizing for his '

Angels & demons

is evil' speech, so although there is undoubtedly an internalized sexism thing that often makes women feel the need to excuse themselves after expressing strong opinions, we shouldn't necessarily assume that that's what's happening every time. I'd say in the podcast setting there was another factor operating, especially in the early episodes when we weren't used to the dynamics of that particular group yet (and I can only speak for myself, but I suspect the others had variations on this): not wanting to take up more than one's fair share of air-time, and also not wanting to make the tone too heavy for what was essentially a fun and slightly flippant exercise. And when you have a long rant you feels like you've sort of broken both those 'rules', especially if you get to the end and you don't find everyone saying, 'Yeah, totally, that's exactly what I thought'. I think in the later episodes there was less of that because we developed an alternative habit: rather than X rants and then X apologizes, it tended to be X rants and everyone else mocks X a bit for ranting, which is more entertaining for all involved. (E.g. Arthur on 'Everyone has been hypnotized by everyone else' and me on the housekeeper and various people on 'No seriously I think something is going to happen in the next chapter of

The god of small things

'.) My attempt to dive into the depths of The Nature Of Plot came somewhere in between, so although I didn't actually apologize for it I did try to minimize it a bit, and the others didn't exactly mock me but did say 'Oh not this again' next time the subject loomed. So, er, I can't quite remember what point I was trying to make, but anyway there we are.

... short of me buying him dinner in return at a later date.

I'm a big fan of one person paying for both and the other doing the same the next time and so on, and I do it equally with friends of all kinds. It sets up a spirit of mutually dependent reciprocity rather than independent separateness, and it also has that feature you get in gift-exchange cultures where the exchange of gifts never comes to an obvious point of equilibrium where the parties can say 'Okay, we're all square now, we can walk away' and therefore the constant imbalance encourages the relationship to continue, because there always has to be a 'next time' so that the person who didn't pay this time doesn't end up in profit permanently. And eventually it gets to the point where no one can keep track of it any more and it's just become a relationship where sometimes we buy each other stuff and we really don't worry about it, which is nice. But the most important and massive advantage for me is that it means I don't have to do mental arithmetic.

Having said that, I guess it wouldn't necessarily be great for early dates when one might want to keep an element of 'We can get out of this at any time because we're all square at any given moment'.

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Wardog

at 13:55 on 2010-08-03

I've also heard Kyra apologize once or twice in the podcasts for having a feminist rant.

Yes, not to keep flogging this dead horse but I think I was apologising for being anti-social rather than being feminist.

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Robinson L

at 21:15 on 2010-08-03*Looks at last paragraph of previous post, beats head repeatedly against wall*

Thank you for drawing this to my attention, Dan. Ye gods, but that was massively patronizing. I apologize to Furare and everyone else on this thread.

As for the rest, I meant to say, essentially “please, don't apologize.” Thank you, Furare, Jamie and Kyra for addressing that.

Er, so, apologies again for the epic fail.

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Furare

at 21:26 on 2010-08-29I always meant to get around to replying to this.

RE: Paying for dinner - I find it really difficult to relax and enjoy dinner if someone else is paying for it. Even when it's one of my parents. It makes me uncomfortable, and also renders me anxious about what my food choice - with particular reference to how much the meal costs - says about me. Like, if I have the steak, that's expensive, so will they think I'm selfish and greedy? If I really want a cheap dish, though, will they think I'm calling them stingy?

This might not be a concern for a lot of people, but I have social anxieties, and paying for my own dinner cuts out a lot of what makes me feel uncomfortable in that particular social situation. I'm explaining it here for the sake of context, but I should not have to say this to some guy I don't know very well. I probably wouldn't explain it, because anyone who chooses to "insist" on paying after I've already said no is not someone with whom I'm particularly interested in becoming further acquainted. (Oh, you "insist" on pushing my boundaries in the name of tradition? How sweet. Bleh.)

I don't really care what arrangements other people have with their friends or SOs or whoever - what I do care about is that the man paying for the woman's dinner is still seen as the default. I'm not trying to say that Jamie's favoured setup is wrong, and in fact alternating is a very egalitarian way of dealing with these things (and probably more convenient when it comes to paying by card in restaurants). It wouldn't work for me, but that's not the be all and end all of whether or not something's right. Heh.

I only mentioned the paying for dinner thing in the first place because I'd read an article written (for men, by a woman) on How To Guarantee a Second Date. And one of the tips was basically "you should pay. We lied. We don't want to pay half." To which my incredulous response was - Speak for yourself. Because you sure as hell aren't speaking for me. Jeez, way to encourage men not to believe a word that comes out of a woman's mouth. I'm not pretending to be independent and feminist to look "cute".

Bah, now I've gone and made myself angry again.

RE: Robinson's comment - I didn't find it offensive, to be honest. Maybe there's something problematic about him saying I don't need to apologise, or that activism can be fun, but I didn't read it that way. People are always telling me not to apologise for things because I really don't need to, so that's how I originally read what Robinson was saying even before he clarified it.

Though this discussion kind of reminds me of a far more obnoxious argument I once had about feminism on a gaming forum. I actually got people DISAGREEING WITH ME when I said "as men, you do NOT get to decide that women aren't subject to sexist discrimination any more." Christ, what a train wreck that was.

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Robinson L

at 18:06 on 2011-01-19Okay, having now read this perfectly lovely article and perfectly lovely discussion with perfectly lovely links all around I'm sorry all over again for shooting off my mouth and bringing the quality down. So let's try again and see if this time I can avoid losing my foot down my own throat.

I don't have much of an ear for music, and I guess I feel the same about this song as I do about most others: it's okay. The discourse is very good, and as a male, I did feel a resonance when the man in the song says “I rarely cry anymore.” That's also a great analysis of the song's construction, Jamie.

Re: Men as feminists

I was at a workshop over the summer run by a white guy talking about feminism and a bunch of other progressive ideologies/movements.

When we came to discussing the distinction between “feminism” and “pro-feminism,” he shared a story of taking part in a feminist group in which he was the only man, and after a while one of the women in the group pulled him aside and said gently, “Would you call yourself a black liberationist?” And that seems to have made a significant impression on his thinking when it comes to the “feminist” label.

Philosophically, I'm of the school which says that men absolutely can and should be feminists. Feminism to me means replacing patriarchy and sexism with gender egalitarianism, which is a project equally for women and for men.

I generally use the term “ally” to refer to issues within feminism or anti-racism or whatever that do not affect me personally. I can be an ally on an issue without calling myself personally an ally to every person affected by that issue. For what it's worth, I also think it's reasonable to say “you call yourself an anti-domestic abuse ally, but look how you push around your girlfriend all the time” (sorry, there're probably better examples out there, I'm just blanking on them at the moment).

Perhaps,

as Arthur suggests

, all that “ally” stuff from the previous paragraph is more US-based (though I don't recall ever having heard it articulated like this before); but by no means is there an agreement in US feminist circles that men cannot be feminists. All of the feminists I know—American and European—are quite clear that men can and should be feminists.

Of course it's a problem when men (and women, for that matter) who clearly aren't feminists claim that label—but I think cooptation is a problem for social movements pretty universally. People who genuinely care about the issues do need to resist when skeevy people in power (whether macro or micro) adopt the rhetoric of those movements to advance truly destructive agendas. None of this,

by itself

makes for me a compelling argument that men cannot be feminists.

I can't imagine getting any serious personal benefit out of not being a sexist or out of other people not being sexist (apart from the 'I feel better about myself' benefit that's always used to 'disprove' altruism). When I think about making myself and others less sexist - when I conceive that task and feel my reaction to it - it feels like a hard and unending slog with little promise of personal reward.

Agreed on the unending slog, but I wonder about the lack of serious personal benefits. Here are some of the thoughts which occur to me:

It is my belief that a sexist outlook and attitude creates an incredible amount of cognitive dissonance; psychic damage. Achieving a completely non-sexist mindset is impossible in a patriarchal society, but the less sexism in one's outlook, the less cognitive dissonance and the less damage to one's psyche. Similarly for racism, militarism, classism, heterosexism, etc.

Also, as a man, I see sexism as working (somewhat successfully) to cripple my emotional/relational maturity and my ability to make meaningful connections with other people. Terrence Real—one of my touchstones for a feminist masculinity—has written a book exposing how the violent, unemotional, never-lose patriarchal view of masculinity results in internal as well as external damage. (i.e. it hurts the men living it out, even as they in turn hurt other people.)

I couldn't count the times I've caught myself rejecting assistance with something-or-other because, as a man, I'm not supposed to need help from other people—I'm supposed to suck it up and tough it out. I'm generally pretty good at doing favors for others without reward, but I'm bad at accepting favors from others, and worse at asking for them.

I've also noticed numerous little behaviors which I've censored, because they'd mark me out as too “girly,” or gay, or both. You should see the way I agonize over little things like telling my friends how much I love them.

It seems to me that eliminating these manifestations of sexism (and homophobia) in myself will make me a happier and healthier human being, as well as a less prickish one.

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http://lokifan.livejournal.com/

at 21:14 on 2011-05-05Thanks for introducing me to Dar Williams! Wonderful article. The song made me cry too.

this is the line I always choke on: 'And so I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived, and I say, "Now you're top gun: I have lost and you have won."' Can there be anything more heartbreaking to a man with any heart at all than the thought that your female friends and relatives might, even only in brief moments, feel like your defeated opponents?

That line makes me emotional too -

you were just like me/I was just like you

made me cry. It's not one of the Big Serious Things that happens because of sexism, or even one of the insidiuous unavoidable things, but I do believe patriarchy makes it harder for men and women to reach each other and connect, between the messages telling us we're so inherently different, and the differences in how we experience the world. Which is just unbearably sad.

[dailyaudiobible]

06/24/2018 DAB Transcript

2 Kings 6:1-7:20, Acts 15:36-16:15, Psalms 142:1-7, Proverbs 17:24-25

Today is the 24th day of June. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian. It’s great to be here with you. And we twist the knob and open the door and step through the threshold of a shiny, sparkly, new week, which means that we’ll read from a new translation this week. We’ll read from the Gods Word Translation. And, of course, we’ll be picking up where we left off. 2 Kings, chapter 6 and 7 today.

Commentary: 

Okay. So, in second Kings we had a couple of stories told today, all involving Elisha the prophet and involving the Aramaeans as they tried to intimidate and conquer Israel. So, we have the very famous story of Elisha being able to tell the king of Israel where the Aramaeans were hiding and that God is telling Elisha this and he even knows what the king says in his bedroom. So, the surround the city and there are more who are with us that are with them, Elisha says. So, it’s a very, very famous story. And without any bloodshed whatsoever, that story ends the feud between the Aramaeans and the Israelites for a while but not forever. Then King Benhadad of Aram blockades Samaria, trying to take over the capital city. And it’s gotten so bad the people are eating each other. Okay. So, that’s pretty bad. And the king plans to king Elisha over it. Elisha prophesies that things won’t be that way in 24 hours. And we know how the story goes. These leprous men go into the Aramaean camp and find it empty, and then they start hoarding things because there’s, like, an overwhelming plenty all the sudden. And there are already outcasts so they start hoarding things. And then they come back together and realize, what we are doing is not right. In fact, that’s a direct quotation from the Bible. What we’re doing is not right. This is a day of good news and we are not telling anyone about it. All of the sudden we have a story being told that has become a mirror because we know what it’s like to be isolated and walled off and surrounded by the enemy. We know what it was like to be completely lost and floundering. We look around at the world and see the bondage, the starving souls of people who are floundering, who are eating each other, metaphorically. We see all of the conflict, the spiritual starvation and it’s like we are those who leprous people. We walk out of starvation, we walk out of lack and into plenty. And then we enjoy it, start hoarding it, start building a subculture around it, but we have to realize that maybe what we’re doing is not right. This is a day of good news and we’re not telling anyone about it. The leprous people went back and got word to the king who went to investigate and restoration came to Samaria. In a spiritual sense, we’re like this. We’ve found the good news. We’ve found the hope of humanity, the rescue of the world, the restoration of all things. And maybe we hoard it more than we share that this is a day of good news. So, think about that as you move into this new week. Realize that you are carrying within yourself the hope of humanity and all that Jesus has done on our behalf. And this is good news. This is in a sales pitch. This is in a marketing ploy. This is the good news of the gospel, the hope of humanity. And we have it. And we can bring that hope and that good news to a world in bondage, starving. What’s that going to look like for you this week?

Prayer:

Father, we invite Your Holy Spirit is into that. That hits close to home and we need Your guidance and leadership in exactly how it is that we are to orient ourselves to this good news and freedom and how it is that we are to live it out in this world, being a light in this world, being the salt of the earth. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, it's where you find out what's up, going on around here.

Next up on the calendar is July 7th, which happens to be a Saturday this year. And that’s the day of the Daily Audio Bible long walk. It’s an annual tradition. This will be our 11th annual Daily Audio Bible long walk. And you probably get the drift. We’ve been talking about it for a few days. It’s just very simple. Circle the day on your calendar and set it aside. It’s a day for you to walk with God. Not that you’re not walking with God every day, but a day to intentionally go for a long walk, as if you have fallen in love with the Lord. And time doesn’t matter. And you have a lot to talk about because life is so busy. This is a chance to say it all and a chance to allow God to speak in response in ways that only He can. And it takes place, right here, in the middle part of the year so that we can look back, look back at all that God has spoken to us through His word this year and invite Him into what is yet to come as He continues to lead us forward. And, so, is an individual, very solitary thing. I mean, you can go with friends or whatever, you go as family. People go as couples, people go as individuals, but it’s a very individual time with God. But it’s something we’ll be doing all over the world as a community. So, wherever you go, and go somewhere beautiful, go somewhere where you can actually drink in the beauty and exquisite detail of nature. And maybe snap a picture or shoot a little video. Post that back to the Daily Audio Bible Facebook page which is Facebook.com/dailyaudiobible. And this becomes a beautiful, beautiful community thing. We get these beautiful windows into each other’s lives and it’s a lot of fun. So, make plans for that July 7th.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link, it’s on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, you can use the mailing address which is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. It’s going to be a great week. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for here is tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Yes. This is Beautiful Soul out of North Carolina. I call myself Beautiful Soul because God showed me that my soul was created beautiful and that I should not be down on myself and that I should not have low self-esteem about myself because He created me beautiful. He doesn’t create junk. The reason why I say this is because I heard a podcast on June 20th, a DAB member by the name of Keisha whose suffering from depression, is suffering from health issues, is suffering from family issues, and she’s suffering from being morbidly obese. I’m speaking to you directly Keisha. You touched my heart this morning. God just spoke to my Spirit because I’ve gone through the same struggles that you’ve had. And I can identify with what you’re feeling. But the thing that touched me the most about what you said was that you were ashamed to ask to help us to pray for you. Let me tell you something. In first Peter 3 and 4, God speaks about not looking it the outward appearance but looking at the inward appearance. He is in love with your soul and your heart. There’s no reason you should be ashamed to ask for help because that’s what we’re all here for and that’s what God put us here for. To pray with each other. I want you to know that you’re not alone, that there’s nothing wrong with you. No matter what you…even if you weigh…I was morbidly obese too and God helped me get the weight off. It takes three measures but God gives. It wasn’t even about the weight or if I got it off of me. It was about the way I perceived myself. And I want you to know that you are beautiful. You’re absolutely beautiful and…

Hi. My name is Sherry and I am caller from the second time and I’ve been listening to Daily Audio Bible for three years and this is the first year I have dedicated myself to listening on time. I’ve called them before as regards to the job that I hold as a social worker. God knows my heart that I no longer like this job because of the racism, the politics, the mistreatment and as one of the ladies that called in before said, it’s difficult to be in a hostile environment where racism is on the rampage. I ask for prayer that God to sustain me for the next seven months or nine months before I retire. I get up every morning and I cry. So, I’m asking for your prayers that…

Hey everybody this is PJ from Vermont, a five years, or so, listener. I’ve called a few times. I just wanted to say, first, shout out to Keisha. She just called in and wanted to hear her name. And, so, I’m saying it and I pray for her and that God may answer her prayers. She’s knocking Lord, please open the door. She’s asking that she receive. And, so, I just want to say a prayer for her and also, I pray for everybody who calls in and all those who don’t call and every day, and for you Brian. Thank you so much for your family. And I want to encourage those new people listening in, the Daily Audio Bible hass made a huge difference in my life. I have, you know, ups and downs, loss of spouse, loss of job but I am definitely…my faith is stronger than ever and I definitely attribute that to this family and to the word, of course, most importantly. And the format which allows us to consume it bit by bit and supporting prayers. So, just wanted to, just yeah, say thank you. God bless you. Bye.

Hi everyone. This is Melody from Canada. And I just heard Keisha’s call. And Keisha, you just touched my heart so much and I am really proud of you for your courage in asking for prayers about your weight. And I just really want to say that you are beautiful in God’s eyes. And you are His lovely daughter. And I just pray that you will receive that affirmation from Him and that love from Him and that He lifts you out of your depression. I struggled with depression for a time as well and I just know that the joy of the Lord is your strength and I pray blessing over you in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hi this is __ from Lynncor. Just going to work. Originally I was a Sikh. I’m a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ. Regular Lister. I heard a phone prayer request from Keisha. Keisha you’re suffering from depression and you have…you’re saying, a generational curse of depression. Sister, I am praying for you. Be strong. Be strong in Christ. Know that Galatian 3:13 says that Jesus Christ took our curses by. He took our curses Generational curses are broken. We believe that. We believe that and claim that. Jesus Christ not only took our sins. Jesus Christ not only took our sufferings. First Peter 2:24, by the stripes of Jesus Christ we are healed. We believe and claim that and not only that, like I said, Galatian 3:13, He also took our curses. You are curse free. Every curse, generational curse, in the name of Jesus Christ be broken on you and all your family members who believe in Christ. Sister, be strong. And I also pray for brother Curtis from Cali. He used to call a long time ago and I haven’t heard from you. Please call in how you are doing and all those people, Blind Tony, and all those wonderful people. I hear you. I hear your prayers are wonderful. It’s a blessing, it’s a blessing. And God bless you all. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, Jill for the wonderful work you’re doing. God bless your ministry. God bless you. Bye.