#Work with Worksheet List Object

[yuujispunches]

Seriously unserious ~ S.G.

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Reader

Summary: Gojo’s constantly flirting with you, but that’s just who he is, it’s not as if he actually liked you, is it?

CW (content warning): nothing really, this is purely teeth rotting fluff.

AN (author’s note): Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you for the support on all my other works, it really means a lot 🤍 I’m already working on the last part of my Megumi college AU, so keep an eye out for it. As always a reminder that English isn’t my first language and I’m typing this on my phone so I’m sorry if there’re any typos/mistakes. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! :)

Requests are open so feel free to send yours! (you can check the list of characters I write for on my pinned post)

Masterlist

The morning air was crisp as it passed through the half-open windows of Jujutsu Tech, carrying the scent of rain and fresh earth. Students ambled around the campus, the more mischievous among them darting between buildings, hoping to avoid early training.

You sipped your tea slowly, glancing over a stack of lesson plans at your desk. Another long day ahead including exorcism simulations, cursed technique theory, and the ever-complicated emotional management of teenagers raised to fight monsters. Still, you found meaning in it. You always had.

Your door creaked open without a knock.

“Morning, sunshine.” Came a familiar, overly cheery voice.

You didn’t look up, you didn’t need to. “Gojo, it’s 7:03. Too early for your nonsense.”

Satoru Gojo leaned dramatically against the frame of your door, shades perched lazily on his nose instead of his usual blindfold. His snowy hair stuck up in disheveled tufts, as if he hadn’t even bothered trying to tame it.

“You wound me.” He pouted, hand in his chest, looking as if he was a Victorian lady who was about to pass out because her corset was too tight. “Is this how you treat the strongest sorcerer in the world?”

“Only when he barges into my classroom uninvited.” You muttered, tapping your pen pointedly against your clipboard.

Gojo sauntered in anyway, dropping himself onto the edge of your desk, crinkling a few of your worksheets. You narrowed your eyes, but he only smirked in return.

He plucked a sticky note off the top paper and held it up between two fingers.

“What’s this? ‘Yuuji needs extra training - still underestimating curses at Grade 2 level.’ Sounds harsh.”

You swiped the note from him and set it back where it belonged. “It’s called teaching. You should try it sometime.”

“I do teach!” He defended. “Just... unconventionally.”

“Gojo.”

“Yes?”

You gave him a look that managed to both scold and plead.

“I’m working.”

He raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. No more distractions. Just came to say good morning. And, you know...” He leaned a little closer, voice dropping half an octave. “To admire your radiant beauty.”

You rolled your eyes. “Subtle.”

“I thought so.” He grinned.

You didn’t bother replying. He always flirted like that grand declarations, poetic exaggerations, and endless teasing. You’d learned early on not to take it seriously. Gojo was like this with everyone: loud, charming, untouchable. He was Satoru Gojo, the most powerful sorcerer in the world. What would he ever want with someone like you?

Still, you couldn't deny that his visits were becoming... habitual. He never missed a morning to drop by your classroom. Sometimes it was under the guise of needing something from the faculty. Other times, he just "happened" to bring you coffee.

It was always playful. Always safe. Always Gojo.

So you treated it like you would a student’s tantrum with patience, detachment, and a firm boundary.

But Gojo wasn’t just another jujutsu hormonal teenager, even when he sometimes acted like one. And deep down, you knew it.

——————————————————————————

Your days blurred into a rhythm: early mornings, student evaluations, cursed object containment drills. Every so often, an active mission took you off campus, but you always returned to your little classroom and your stack of reports. It was safe. Predictable.

And then there was Gojo.

Relentless as the sun, he flared into your orbit with his teasing quips, spontaneous gifts that varied from sakura-flavored gum to an entire picnic lunch on a rainy day, and offhanded compliments that left you oddly breathless.

“You’re tense.” He noted one afternoon as you rubbed your shoulder after a particularly brutal sparring session with your second-years.

“I’m fine.” You muttered.

Then, without warning, he moved behind you and gently pressed two fingers into your upper back, right between your shoulder blades.

You froze. “Gojo- ”

“Relax.” He cut you off, voice low and not teasing for once. “You’re always carrying too much weight.”

You opened your mouth, but the words died there. His fingers worked slow circles into your back, gentle but firm. You hadn’t realized how sore you were. How tired. How long it had been since anyone touched you with care.

You hated how easy it was to melt under his touch.

He leaned closer. “You know, I give great full-body massages too.”

And there it was.

You snorted. “You were doing so well.”

“What, you thought I wasn’t gonna flirt? That’s half the fun.”

You elbowed him lightly and stood, brushing his hands off your shoulders with faux irritation. “You’re incorrigible.”

He smiled, but there was something quieter behind it. Something that flickered too fast for you to place.

——————————————————————————It wasn’t until a mission went sideways that things changed.

You’d taken a team of third-years into the outskirts of Kyoto. A Grade 1 curse, allegedly, in a crumbling hospital. You’d handled worse.

Except the information was wrong. The curse had evolved. It tore through the building like a banshee, separating you from the students. You needed to protect them. You fought it, injured it, banished it. But not without cost.

You limped back to the students with blood on your uniform and two broken ribs. They were safe. That was what mattered.

But the moment Gojo stepped off the helicopter that arrived to retrieve you, you saw his face go pale.

“Don’t.” You warned as he reached you. “I’m fine.”

He didn’t speak. Just stared. His sunglasses hung low on the bridge of his nose, allowing you to get a glimpse of his blue eyes, his expression tight. You realized you’d never seen him this serious outside of battle.

“I said I’m fine.” You repeated, firmer now.

“You’re not.” He said, serious, so unlike him that it almost made you feel bad for even letting yourself get injured like this.

“I’ve had worse.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is?”

He looked at you like he was trying to burn the answer into your skin. “You almost didn’t come back.”

The silence stretched between you, filled only by the noise of medics preparing to fly you out. His voice, when he spoke again, was barely audible.

“I can’t lose you.”

You blinked. “What?”

He exhaled harshly and turned away. “Forget it.”

You didn’t. You couldn’t.

——————————————————————————

The hospital stay was short. A day and a half later, you were back on your feet, albeit with a wrapped chest and strict orders not to overdo it.

When you returned to your classroom, there was a note on your desk.

"Take one more step into that classroom and I swear I’ll seal you in a box." - Gojo. P.S. Come to the staff lounge. I have muffins.

Despite yourself, you smiled.

When you arrived, he was there, lounging like a cat across one of the couches, reading a comic book.

“You’re not my doctor.” You said.

“I could be.” He offered with a wink.

You sat across from him, avoiding his eyes.

“What happened in Kyoto…” You started. “You said- ”

“I know what I said.” He interrupted, sitting up.

You studied him. “Did you mean it?”

He met your gaze, his usual grin replaced by something far more fragile.

“I always mean it when it comes to you.”

Your breath caught.

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

“Look.” He said, “I joke a lot. I flirt, yeah. But that doesn’t mean I’m not serious when I say I care about you.”

You said nothing. You couldn’t even if you wanted to, your brain was going high wire trying to process the words that were coming out of his mouth.

“I get it.” He continued. “You don’t think I’m capable of real feelings. That I’m all jokes and power and blindfolds.”

“That’s not what I think.” You whispered.

“Then what?” His voice cracked, just slightly. “Why do you never take me seriously?”

You stared at your hands. “Because it’s easier.”

“Easier than what?”

“Easier than letting myself hope.”

The silence that followed was thunderous.

Gojo reached across the table and took your hand, carefully, like it might vanish.

“Well,” he said, “what if I told you I’ve been hoping for a long time?”

You looked up, heart pounding.

He smiled, softer this time. “Don’t you think it’s time we stopped dancing around this?”

You didn’t know what startled you more, Satoru Gojo holding your hand like it meant something, or the fact that you were letting him.

His palm was warm. Slightly calloused from years of battle. It was the hand of someone who carried too much, who made the world laugh while quietly shouldering the weight of it.

And now, he was offering that same hand to you.

“You don’t have to decide anything right now.” He said gently. “I just... I needed to be honest, for once.”

You stared at your intertwined fingers.

For months, years even,,you had tucked away the tension that lived between you. Labeled it as “Gojo being Gojo.” Flirting for the sake of amusement. A man who could have anything, playing games because nothing ever stuck.

But this, this wasn’t a game. At least it didn’t feel like it.

“You really meant it.” You whispered, unsure, as if tasting the words on your lips.

He let out a breath, as if he’d been holding it for far too long.

“Yeah.” He said. “I really did.”

You looked up at him, and for once, didn’t find the ever-present smirk or playful glint. His expression was open. Raw. Nervous.

It struck you all at once, how long he must have been waiting for you to see him.

“How long have you...?”

His gaze flickered to your lips before returning to your eyes. “A while.” A sheepish smile on his lips, almost as if he was shy about that.

You squeezed his hand without thinking. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

He chuckled, low and almost self-deprecating. “Because you always laughed it off. I thought maybe... if I kept it light, I could stay close to you without scaring you off.”

“And if I had known?”

“I didn’t want to risk losing the version of us I already had.” He admitted. “At least that way, I still got to be near you.”

God.

You’d misunderstood everything. He hadn’t been trying to get under your skin. He’d been trying to get to your heart and you’d locked the door because you thought he was just knocking to be funny.

“I’m sorry.” You said.

He shook his head. “You don’t have to be. I get it. I’m not exactly the most... convincing romantic candidate.”

“Because you’re a manchild?” You teased gently.

“That too.” He grinned.

You were quiet for a long moment. The hum of the staff lounge’s refrigerator was the only sound in the background.

“I never thought you could be serious about me.” You confessed. “Not with... everything else. You’re Gojo. The strongest sorcerer. The one who never shuts up. I just assumed it was all a game.”

“I know.”

“And I guess I didn’t want to hope.”

“Why not?”

“Because hoping can hurt.” You said softly.

His thumb brushed along your knuckles.

“Yeah.” He murmured. “But sometimes... it heals too.” You could see a shadow of his past passing through his eyes as he said that, you knew exactly what he meant.

——————————————————————————

The days that followed were strange. You and Gojo hadn’t defined anything, not exactly at least. There were no grand declarations, no sudden shift in routine.

He still dropped by your classroom too early in the morning, still teased you about your coffee addiction, still stole your chalk. But now... now there was a new softness to his presence. A quiet tension. A thread you could tug on if you were brave enough.

And you were starting to want to tug.

One afternoon, after a long day of training the first-years, you found yourself wandering toward the faculty rooftop, a place Gojo often escaped to when he wanted to avoid paperwork.

Sure enough, he was there. Lounging against the railing, his sunglasses pushed up onto his head, arms folded loosely as he stared out at the horizon.

He heard you approach, of course.

“You’re getting predictable.” He said without turning.

“So are you.” You replied, stepping beside him. “Always hiding out here after combat days.”

“I prefer to call it strategic retreat.”

You snorted. “Is that what you tell the elders?”

“Only when I’m feeling generous.”

You leaned against the railing beside him, the cool breeze lifting the strands of hair at your temples. It smelled like distant rain and pine.

He glanced at you, and for a second, there was nothing flippant in his gaze. Only quiet curiosity.

“You’ve been distant.” He pointed out, breaking the delicate silence that had fell between the two of you.

“I’ve been thinking.” You replied.

His expression didn’t change, but you felt the tension ripple off him in waves.

“I think I’ve spent so long telling myself you were a flirt... that I forgot to ask what I actually felt.”

“And?” His question is almost breathless, expecting.

You turned to him. “I feel... stupid.”

He blinked.

“Because I didn’t see it sooner.” You explained. “Because I kept pushing you away. Because part of me wanted to believe it was real, but I was too afraid to risk it.”

He studied you in silence. His hands twitches lightly at his side, itching to touch you.

“I’m not afraid anymore.” You said.

Something softened in his eyes.

“Is that your way of saying you like me?” He asked, voice carefully light.

You rolled your eyes, but your cheeks were warm. “Yes, Gojo. I like you.”

He looked at you for a long beat, then reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that.”

“Why me?” You asked quietly. “Of all people?”

“Because you’re the only one who treats me like a person.” He said. “Not a weapon. Not a god. Not a joke. Just... Satoru.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“You see me.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. “And even when I tried to be annoying, you never pushed me out completely.”

“I should’ve.” You joked weakly.

“Probably.” He grinned. “But I’m glad you didn’t.”

You hesitated.

Then, slowly, carefully you reached up and brushed your fingers along his jaw. He tilted into the touch, like it was instinct.

No blindfold. No mask. Just Gojo. Just Satoru.

“I want to try.” You whispered.

His eyes burned into yours. “Yeah?”

You nodded. “But you have to promise to stop stealing my coffee.”

“Absolutely not.”

You laughed, and that was when he leaned in.

He kissed you like he’d been waiting his whole life for it soft at first, almost reverent, as if afraid you might pull away. But you didn’t. You tilted your chin and kissed him back, your fingers curling into the fabric of his jacket.

It wasn’t fireworks. It wasn’t dramatic.

It was better. It was steady. Familiar. Real.

When he finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours.

“So, what now?” He murmured.

You smiled. “Now we get to be insufferable together.”

“I can live with that.”

Taglists are open so let me know if you want to be added for future works! :)

[butchizuku]

ᥫ᭡; You Could Be Mine Tonight; Interlude Il

— Chigiri Hyōma

ᨳ Synop. The city of romance proves to be an apt epitaph as the object of your latest fantasies comes crawling back to you, apology in tow.

໋𓈒 Details. 18+ minors dni, gn!afab!reader, chigiri puts the go in egoist, author self insert, selfship lore heavy, reader is italian-american living in italy, set in verona, mild flirting, mostly lore dump; run time. 3k

(՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞) Director's Note. hihi loves, cheeky and shameless second installation to my Chigiri selfship lore :3

Your mind wanders to the man you met too often. You haven’t yet allowed yourself to google the starting line up of Manshine City Football Club, assuming he was telling the truth. You think he was. The intensity behind his eyes seemed genuine. Your skin broke out in goosebumps when your mind wandered too far, your face warming. You couldn’t dare let yourself fantasize. Too busy with teaching, too busy finding a new place to rent once your lease was up, too busy trying to keep yourself alive. 

A boy to toy around with in your mind was the last thing on your list of priorities, no matter how good it might’ve felt in the moment. He was a jerk, unkind to you for no good reason. At the grand age of twenty four, you didn't need to pin all your heart's desires on someone who’d hurt you in the end just because he was a pretty boy with a pleasing smile. This Chigiri, clearly wasn’t around here if he was playing for an English soccer team. Even if he was everything you were looking for, you weren’t sure you should be chasing after someone whose heart resides a million miles away. It never worked out in the past, you were always left gluing pieces of yourself back together, hoping they wouldn’t chip off and break again.

So, you threw yourself into working. You were your students everything, a bit of a God. Each day ended with you coming home with a handful of drawings and flowers plucked from the houses around the school, the least you could do was spend a little bit more time into your lessons. It kept your mind from wondering, being so devoted to your students. It also kept you from pouting about your failing novel. You couldn’t cry if you no longer had enough time to stare at your unchanging document.

The school bell rang as the clock struck 2:30pm, pulling you way from your thoughts.

“Ciao amori miei!” You called after them, watching as one by one, they filed out of your classroom. Their backpacks were nearly double the size of they were, filled to the brim with doodles and papers for parents that would never see the light of day again. A few round the corner of your desk to wrap their arms around your hips to give you a quick hug on their way out, their sticky hands pressing into the hem of your shirt without a care in the world.

Along with the pitter patter of their sneakers against the linoleum comes a chorus of “goodbye miss”. It only took them the majority of the school year for them to get used to responding to you in English, but you were proud of them. 

Grabbing your laptop from your desk, you toss it into your worn messenger bag. The weight of it against your hip feels heavier than usual. You chalk it up to your anxieties getting the better of you, some sort of psychological manifestation morphing from their typical nightmares to waking horrors that left your heart pounding for no good reason. Scooping up your half wilted bouquet of dandelions you follow after the trail of excited elementary school students, leaving the building as quickly as you can. A mountain of worksheets in dire need of grading fill the bottom of your bag, dealing with them when you had a glass of red wine in your hand and some trashy y2k pop music made spending your evenings working slightly more bearable.

Your coworkers offer you tight smiles as you pass them in the halls. Their obvious dislike of you is still palpable months later even though you decided to shirk your fun, colourful clothing in favour of aligning with what they wore. Offering them a toothy grin just seemed to make their annoyance double but you did it anyway, faking it until you at least made it through the front doors. Some parents and children milled about, chit-chatting excitedly. Their smiles were genuine when they caught you watching, all warm and gooey, sometimes even a bit gummy when the little ones who were missing their two front teeth noticed you. 

“Excuse me, miss.” A voice behind you called, their tone vaguely familiar with a few clipped vowels that should have roused your memories but it didn’t, so you turned around to come face to face with the book store jerk, Chigiri Hyōma of the Manshine City Football Club.

Your jaw slacked, allowing your mouth to fall open in shock. The small wilted bouquet of weeds that one of your students plucked for you during recess fell from your hands as you stared, half in disbelief, and half in discomfort. Chigiri knelt down to pick them up, resting on one knee as he offered the dandelions back to you. The eyes of parents and students alike burned through you as they watched the scene before them.

“Did you need something, sir?” You questioned trying not to grit your teeth at the absurdity of it all.

He nodded his head, a few silky strands of his hair falling into his face as he did so, “Yes, if you don’t mind,” he murmurs before reaching into his bag, “This is for you.”

With the wilted dandelions, Chigiri brandishes a copy of Amorosa Visione, the very same book you had been holding on to when you bumped into him. You didn’t end up taking it home with you. Something about the day just took away any excitement you may have had to read it. The embossed, rosy cover looks better than it did that day. Though, you were unsure if your eagerness to take the book from his hands was from the book itself or if you just wanted to spare yourself any further embarrassment. 

“Can you … Can you please stand up,” you all but squealed, your hands flying to his elbows to help him stand before you’re finished speaking, “Lets go talk inside.”

The rush of blood filling your ear drums drowns out the whispers that break out across the growing crowd as you lead Chigiri into your classroom. Your wedged espadrilles click against the slick linoleum with each step. The hem of your bright yellow gingham sundress swishes around you. The longer you focus on the sound of your footsteps and the feel of fabric on  your bare skin, the less you focus on the absurdity of it all. He is entirely out of place amongst the tiny chairs and brightly coloured rainbow garland you hung up around the room. Standing awkwardly as he waits for you to speak. The only place he could sit is your desk but you’ve leant against the edge to put as much space between you and him.

A million questions fly through your head, too many for you to sort through, “What are you doing here, how did you find me?” You settle on asking, biting your bottom lip.

“The man at the bookstore told me this is where you work.”

Right. Of course he did. Signor Fiorentino liked to meddle, thought he knew best for everyone. Like any other old Italian man did. It was just part of their charm even if it did drive you half mad most days.

“Okay, why?” 

“What do you mean, why?” Chigiri questions, his tone copying yours, “I wanted to apologize for my behaviour.”

“You really didn’t need to, I get it.” You can’t help by nervously wring your hands, your face hot. Uncomfortably so. With your hair pinned away from your face and neck, you can’t hide your flushed skin from him. He drinks the sight up, his inquisitive magenta eyes peering into every inch of your expression, greedily drinking it up.

“No, I did,” he insists, trying to put the book in your hands.

“No, I get it,” you stutter, your voice pitching up an octave, “I’d be untrusting too if I got as much unsolicited attention as you did.” Tucking your hands into the pocket of your beige linen pants, you offer him a sympathetic look. Nerves nip at your skin, making you shiver.

Shaking his head, he takes a step towards you, “Still, I was rude,” his slender, calloused fingers wrap around your wrist as he forces the book into your outstretched palm, “I apologise for that, I was stressed and I took it out on you.”

The whiplash makes your head spin, nauseatingly fast. His touch is tender and the look in his surprisingly sincere, nothing like the stone cold visage you were first met with that day and certainly unlike the focused red panther you saw in the soccer clips. There was no ounce of malice, no sharp words carefully balanced on his tongue. It made your heart clench, the rush of blood slightly dizzying. All the carefully curated fantasises you swore you wouldn’t have, rose to the surface. Somehow, the real thing was better. His skin was soft and warm against yours and he didn’t pull away from you when you stood still in shock.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” this being the operative word, you weren’t sure how to even begin surmising the last fifteen minutes of your life, “People have bad days, I don’t take every jerk personally.”

Chigiri seems to cringe, his entire face scrunching up in dissatisfaction, “I did, you didn’t buy this book because of me,” he murmurs, his brows pressed together.

You didn’t buy it because the bleak reality of life got in the way of your daydreams. It had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the scathing email you received five minutes after you bumped into him. It all seemed like one big sign from the cosmos that you should keep saving your euros instead of spending it all on knick-knacks and novels. The delicately illustrated cover stares back at you, guilt clawing at your belly. 

“It wasn’t because of you.”

Your words sound as flimsy as you feel, like a thin piece of cardboard flopping around in the wind. Keeping your gaze pinned on the book you try to shirk away from the intensity radiating off his eyes. It's difficult, Chigiri seems well versed in using just his eyes to convey a million different words. You almost want to meet his gaze. But you can’t seem to force yourself to.

“Okay?” You murmur, “So there's no need for you to feel guilty or…”

Or, show up at strangers' places of work just to apologise. That would be insane, illogical even, but you were sure Chigiri realized that without you having to make him feel worse. He bounced awkwardly on the balls of his feet, the rubber of his sole squeaking loudly against the linoleum. 

“Or come all this way, I’m sure you’re very busy.”

Chigiri shrugs his shoulders, “We’re just training for an upcoming charity tournament being held in the city,” he explains, “I don’t need to train.”

You nodded your head slightly, too shy to ask why he thought that but you’re not left wondering that long.

“I’m good, better than the teams we’re slated to play against.”

He said that and yet Manshine City had been on a losing streak, not by a wide margin but still, enough that when you googled the team there was talk. Some revolved around some man named Jinpachi Ego, the game maker of this little affair in the soccer world; others questioned the talent of those who made it out of the Bluelock program. Plucked from their high schools to spend the rest of their adolescence putting blood sweat and tears into a sport they fell in love with before they knew what love even means. They gave up everything for soccer– no high school diploma, no summer breaks, no college– they lived and breathed soccer with no plans for anything else. It made your stomach churn uncomfortably when you thought about it too long.

“Your teammates aren’t up to par then?” You ask, tilting your head slightly. There’s humour to your tone, maybe it's teasing, you’re unsure.

“Yeah,” Chigiri says, deadly serious with his nose scrunched up in distaste, “Nagi is distracted and Reo follows him around like a lost puppy, it’s gross.”

You can’t help but laugh, it makes Chigiri smile. He spends a moment examining your features, looking at you as if you were a puzzle he had to solve. You shuffle from one foot to the other uncomfortably. There’s a part of you that wants to know what he’s thinking, if he thinks you’re as intriguing as you think he is. You must be, why come all this way to find you if he didn’t feel something for you.

“That sounds frustrating,” you say, you’re being truthful, it does.

Chigiri nods, standing silent for a moment.

“Are you free this Friday?”

“Uh, yes I am, why do you ask?” Maybe he had tickets to his game he wanted to give you, further sweeten his apology.

He nods his head a little again, “Good,” he murmurs, “I’m going to take you out for dinner.”

“Huh?” You managed to get out between your sputtered cough and confused laughter.

Chigiri stares at you, cool and composed. He’s deadly serious. There’s no mirth, not even the slightest bit of jest lingering within his magenta eyes. The sureness that oozes off of him makes goosebumps break out on your skin. Casting a glance to your feet, you nervously shake your leg.

“We’re going on a date this Friday.” He says.

“Do I get a say in this?”

Chigiri steps towards you like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Pressing one hand to the lip of the desk behind you so he’s all but flush against you. You have no choice but to look him right in the eye. He stands only an inch or two taller than you but with him draped over your body, the two of you are eye to eye. 

Your heart leaps into your throat, racing a mile a minute. He smells of vanilla and sandalwood, much nicer than you assumed athletes to smell. Your cheeks flush brightly, if he takes notice, he makes no show of it other than the small curl of his lips. A ragged breath fills your chest as you stare at him.

Was this his way of saying no, you didn’t have a say  in whether or not he took you out?

Intimidation.

He didn’t say anything. Didn’t make any threats. Chigiri just stared at you, long and hard. Whatever training he  had kept his poker face iron clad. You couldn’t begin to decipher any part of him. But you, you wore everything on your sleeve. Your heart, each delicate emotion that washed over you, it was all right there splayed out for him to flip through, leaving you completely at his mercy.

“You do,” Chigiri says after a beat, “I would never force you to go out with me.”

“Okay…” Apprehension laces your tone.

He tilts his head, “But, you’re not going to say no.”

“Why is that?” You challenge, a certain fire being lit within you.

“Just a hunch,” He says with a slight shrug.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have quite the ego on you?” 

“In my line of work, that’s a good thing,” he says with a smirk. You want to kiss it off his lips. A thought so startling you weren’t sure it was yours for a second but it was. Somewhere in the back of your mind you’d wanted to do that very thing since the moment you laid eyes on him.

You give him a noncommittal sound of agreement, “I’m sure it is.”

The two of you stare at each other for a moment. If you pushed, he’d pull. There was something about that you liked. Maybe it was the challenge he posed, so full of himself to the point where you wanted to prove him wrong or, maybe it was the fact that you spent the better part of these last few weeks thinking of him. You couldn’t decide. It may well have been both. But, you were saying yes.

Probably against your better judgement.

Definitely against your better judgement.

But, you made a promise to yourself not too long ago— no more playing it safe. That’s why you packed up your entire life to chase a pipe dream.

Even if the date turned sour, he turned out to be a total jerk. He’d be gone as soon as his game passed and you’d never have to see him again.

“Okay, Friday,” you say with a sense of finality, “Meet me in the Piazza dei Signori.”

He nods his head. Slipping out from between the desk and his body, you turn towards the door, your arms filled with your things. The golden glow of the afternoon pours in from the windows, casting a sort of halo around Chigiri. You keep your eyes trained on him for a moment, savouring the sight.

“I hope you know, I’m not easily impressed.”

Chigiri’s brows shoot up, “Oh?”

Leaning against your desk, he crosses his arms over his chest. That look in his eyes is back, the one that seems like he’s trying to examine you. Placing the pieces of you together as if you were some sort of puzzle or riddle to be solved. In his eyes you might have been. An enigma, esoteric in nature, something he could sink his teeth in and feel satisfied when he finally figured you out. A game to be played and won, his favourite. There was never a game he’d ever lose.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Your shoulders shrug on their own accord, “You’ll have to figure that out yourself.”

“I’ll see you Friday,” he says, following you out of the classroom.

“Friday.”

With one final glance tossed over your shoulder, you step through the threshold of your classroom without looking back. 

© All content belongs to butchizuku. You are not allowed to modify, translate, redistribute, or plagiarize in anyway. Do not recommend outside of tumblr (tiktok, wattpad, twitter etc).

[pararecovery]

Tips for Coping with Paraphilic Disorders

I wrote this for anyone who needs help coping with sexual thoughts/feelings/urges that bring them distress or harm. If you don't know what paraphilias or paraphilic disorders are, you can learn about that on this other post!

I'm not a professional, just a person with who has a paraphilic disorder. I made this drawing from my own experiences and therapy. I hope it helps you even a tiny bit. 🫂

🧡 First off, I want to say that having a paraphilic disorder does NOT make you a bad person. Your thoughts and feelings =/= your actions! You cannot control that you get feelings, but you can control what you do about them. The fact that you're looking at this list means you're already making positive steps!

💙 Trying to stop yourself from thinking/feeling a certain way tends to make you think/feel it more. The best thing you can do for yourself when having distressing thoughts/feelings is to try to acknowledge that you're having them without any shame or judgement. I know that can be easier said than done. Practicing with nicer thoughts/feelings first can help!

🧡 Please talk to someone. It's so important to have someone who can listen to you without judgement and provide support. If you don't have anyone to talk to, my inbox is always open!

💙 When you're fantasizing in a way you don't want to, try changing just one thing about the fantasy. It's okay if it's only a small change, like changing the color of someone's hair. Just try to make steps towards creating a less distressing fantasy. It'll get easier over time to create more changes. Sometimes your fantasy will return to how it was originally and that's okay. Any effort you make is progress.

🧡Add a new ending to your fantasies. Add in an aftercare scene where it turns out everything was a consensual roleplay, or the characters turn out to have shapeshifting or healing powers, or a director yells "CUT!" to reveal that it was all actors doing a scene.

💙 An exercise I've done when distressed by a paraphilia is to imagine the object of my arousal as something I am protecting, instead. Imagine yourself defending them from harm and sending them away to a safer place.

🧡 If you're concerned about the kind of porn you're looking at, try to walk yourself back to porn that's more clearly fantasy or roleplay. For example, if you're reading stories about rape, try stories about CNC instead. Try animations instead of live action, or fiction/art instead of videos.

💙 Look into grounding techniques and intrusive thought management skills to see if any of them work for you. They can be incredibly helpful.

🧡 Self harm doesn't look like just one thing. It can go hand-and-hand with paraphilic disorder. Some examples could be masturbating to the point of hurting yourself, unsafe solo or partnered play, and looking at porn that emotionally harms you. Please look into safe alternatives to self harm and also learn about HARM MINIMIZATION!

💙 If you're in any friend groups or communities that talk about paraphilias, please make sure that they're healthy for you and not encouraging you to harm yourself or others. Here's a tool for evaluating how toxic a group is. Here's also a guide on protecting yourself from online harassment.

🧡 I cannot stress enough how important it is to educate yourself on healthy boundaries & consent -- even if you think you already know everything! Here's a great guide to start with. Also, if you have any interest in having kinky sex, PLEASE read The New Topping Book or The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy. They are essential.

💙 Lastly, a few extra resources:

Suicide Hotlines & Crisis Helplines

Get Self Help - free self help resources

Therapy Worksheets - free self help worksheets

Online Communities for Survivors - support for SA survivors

Stop It Now UK / Stop It Now USA - preventing CSA

[multiplicity-positivity]

this is going to be a weird question, but do you know of any system oriented activities? like, things alters can do together? or do you know any worksheets, or any ways to make the system want to. like. get along? a lot of the system doesn't interact with eachother, and like, i don't want to force them into stuff they don't want to, but i feel like it'd be beneficial to do something fun together, because, long story short, we don't know eachother very well and there isn't much trust between us. sorry for the rambling!

hey, this is a really great question. let’s see if any of our tips could work for y’all…

we have this post which is basically an icebreaker worksheet made by ralsei. it’s designed to help alters and headmates get to know each other better. you’re welcome to copy it into your notes, print off copies for your alters to complete, or do whatever you wish with it to encourage your alters to fill it out.

you could also edit or adjust the worksheet to include more applicable questions for your system. or create your own list of interview questions and leave them in an easily accessible place so different alters can answer them as they like.

y’all also might enjoy answering ask games to get to know each other. note you don’t have to get asks in order to answer the questions, and you don’t have to post your answers, either. you can definitely just write your answers in a document or note just for your system! here are some inclusive ask game posts:

x (<- tw: syscourse mention) x x x

y’all can try to find common interests, and if any are revealed through doing interviews/completing ask games/general communication, you can try to do things together. we’re not sure how capable your system is of cofronting, but if some alters in your system are able to cofront together, y’all can start trying to do activities together.

our system loves playing videogames together. we either work together to play the game, or one of us plays while the others watch. you can also do stimulating “solo” play, like playing pretend, drawing/coloring, blowing bubbles, or building with blocks and legos. cofronting can allow other alters to work together during play and can help build teamwork and communication. (you don’t need to be a child in order to benefit from play! kids and adults alike can improve inner relationships through playtime.)

if your system has an inner world, y’all can try visualizing something fun to do, or create an adventure for you to go on together. if you’re new to thinking about inner worlds/headspaces, this post from dis-sos has some info on building a headspace and the importance of inside safe spaces for folks with dissociative disorders (we’re assuming y’all have one since you said “alters”). remember that you don’t have to be traumatized in order to benefit from a headspace - it may help y’all get on the same page and learn to cohabit your mind together.

once y’all know a little more about each other, a great way to bond is through doing nice things for each other. so doing a chore that a different alter normally does, making a food that you know a particular alter is fond of, accumulating objects that remind you of each other, making playlists for each other, and simply thinking kind thoughts towards each other may help y’all foster stronger bonds and grow closer as a result. some alters may come forward with their own ideas of group activities once they feel a bit more at ease within the system.

remember patience is so important when it comes to working with alters and forging bonds and connections. it may take some time before your alters start listening to you or show any interest in getting to know each other. they may be skittish, slow to trust, or quick to anger. they may struggle to communicate at all at first. all these things are natural for systems - learning to trust and communicate is a skill just like any other, and new skills take time to master. don’t be discouraged if it takes a while before your alters start to come around!

followers, feel free to share the ways in which your system bonds and what sort of fun activities y’all do together.

we hope this helps! best of luck with getting to know your system :)

🐢 kip and 💫 parker

[orions-quill]

Developing the plot - Plot Tuesday (P. Time)

Hi! Orion back here to talk about Project Time. The idea for Project Time is for it to be a collection of novellas centered around the Aizas, a throuple who dedicates themselves to treasure hunting in the past!

That's right, they use a magical artifact called The Returning Hourglass to travel to the past and recover seemingly inoccuous objects from famous people for people who want them (and who can pay for them). There is one specific rule, though, and it's that the object has to be unimportant enough to not change the course of history!

For the first (hopefully of many) novella, they are tasked with recovering the fountain pen of a very famous writer who passed away recently. And, well, shenanigans ensue.

So, how do I plot my stories?

I've gone through several plot formulas and so far my favorite has been E.A. Deverell's One Page Novel formula. It doesn't always work with all my stories, but it is the one I am using for P. Time! I absolutely recommend reading that article.

Once I finish filling up that format, I move onto what I call the Event List, which is a list of all the scenes and actions that MUST happen for the story to move along. Depending on the project, I then like to pop all that into the Save-the-cat beat sheet, but I'm not doing that for this work. After all that's done, I make Chapter Outlines and now the story is ready to write.

Right now I only have the One Page Novel plot formula done, but I'm hoping to work on the Event List soon. Instead, what I did today was a few worksheets to work on the conflict of the story. You see, I want these novellas to be very lighthearted but still entertaining! So I answered the Conflict, Ticking Clock and Try/Fail Cycle worksheets, also by E.A. Deverell.

I personally like working with worksheets because sometimes I'm not sure what it is that I don't know about my story, so having a set of questions to guide me really helps! Hopefully you found some useful resources in today's post. I'll see you tomorrow!

[sodisco]

Tips I've gathered as someone with BAD TIMES WORKING

be vigilant about keeping track of what youll need to do. even a list of dates is better than nothing.

pen and paper rules the world. or a second monitor only for notes, but pen and paper helps me beat my object permanence into submission. i have a notebook solely for checklists.

checklists are awesome and it can break something big into manageable steps to help with the "starting something scary" paralysis

forcing myself to read feedback by doodling on my paper while reading it to offset any bad effects

have a song on your playlist that plays several times and is your "refocus and get back to what you were doing" song. (this is to avoid hour long scrolling) (my focus song is clair de lune bc high school me worked to associate that with focus.) alternatively you can use the "one hour of silence with ____" (random sound effects) but be very careful with this because it can sometimes lead to overstimulation so you need to use it sparingly and not build up a tolerance

get out your stuff as soon as you get to the Working Location

i stole this one from @theyaremanycolors but keep an image of someone or something you care about in front of you while working. (giratina method. it works.)

don't work for more than four hours at a time. take a break at four hours, drink some water, walk and stretch, then refocus and get back to it.

play stimulating music that youve heard before but that isnt your absolute favorite songs. a playlist you made a year ago or something works for this, familiar enough that you dont pay attention but that you are not tuning it out. there are also playlists on youtube of classical music for deadlines which are awesome if its a task that is one long task (like an essay or multiple choice test) as opposed to many smaller tasks (like a worksheet with complex answers)

work backwards to trick yourself into thinking youre further than you actually are

if all of this fails you might have to do something drastic. (get dressed out of your pajamas and go somewhere that you have not done anything fun in recently. this one is tough because the second you finish working here for the day you risk not being able to use this location again for a period of time due to the novelty wearing off.)

[wutheringheightsfilm]

I think it's funny when randoms get mad at you for saying things that are objectively true and/or is the logical conclusion for someone with basic empathy. and then you wring their necks for blood. greatly entertaining to me on all counts

thank you honestly i think me putting that one boat worksheet and then listing reading comprehension questions was my best work

[kalistorytime]

Soldier Bear

Soldier Bear

Bibi Dumon Tak ,2008 . Soldier Bear. Philip Hopman. Eerdmans Books.

Grade Level: 9th-12th

Part 2

This book was definitely interesting. Based on a true story this book takes place during World War II. The story of a bear that is adopted by a group of Polish soldiers. They raised the bear. He travels with them and they even enlist him as a soldier. This story is about war and compassion for pets. The encouragement of human connection with wild animals and how love for a pet can help others get through war.

The theme of this book is heartwarming and the joy of having a pet. I connect with this book because I also had 2 pets for many years and lost them to old age and illness. Pets are a wonderful way to express love and empathy towards others.

One prompt I can use while reading this book to children is: showing compassion. How to care for pets?

Part 3:

I loved this story. It has a sad ending but this book can teach us a lesson on compassion and love. The theme of this book is loyalty, friendship, and love.

The story of the human-animal relationship and how a bear helped soldiers get through war. The setting of this book multiple locations in the desert.

Part 4: Class objective: Let's teach a class about brown bears and create an activity worksheet displaying bears and listing facts and coloring activity. Students will create a facts worksheet about Wojyek.

Watching a video and having a discussion on video as a group. objective: Teach students about pet care and friendship. Discuss how to help pets? How do we show compassion? Students will work on this project for 1 week, gather information, document, and watch the video.

SL.5.4

standard

Report on a topic or text or present an opinion, sequencing ideas logically and using appropriate facts and relevant, descriptive details to support main ideas or themes; speak clearly at an understandable pace. a. Plan and deliver an opinion speech that: states an opinion, logically sequences evidence to support the speaker’s position, uses transition words to effectively link opinions and evidence (e.g., consequently and therefore), and provides a concluding statement related to the speaker’s position. CA b. Memorize and recite a poem or section of a speech or historical document using rate, expression, and gestures appropriate to the selection. CA

Students can use this lesson later to identify a bear and the way a brown bear lives. They can draw and color an activity worksheet.

[asegbolu]

Subject: Speech Work Class: JSS 1 Term: First Term Week: 9 Topic: Vowel Sound / ɒ / Duration: 40 minutes Age: 12–13 years Behavioral Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students should be able to: Define and identify the vowel sound / ɒ /. Pronounce words containing the vowel sound / ɒ / correctly. Use the vowel sound / ɒ / in sentences. Keywords: Vowel Sound / ɒ / Pronunciation Example Words Set Induction: Start with a brief discussion about vowels and their importance in pronunciation. Ask students to recall any sounds they find challenging. Entry Behavior: Students should be familiar with basic vowel sounds and their role in pronunciation. Learning Resources and Materials: Phonetic charts Whiteboard and markers Pronunciation practice worksheets Building Background/Connection to Prior Knowledge: Students have previously learned about different vowel sounds. This lesson connects that knowledge to the specific vowel sound / ɒ /. Embedded Core Skills: Phonetic awareness Pronunciation skills Listening and speaking Learning Materials: Examples of words with the / ɒ / sound Lagos State Scheme of Work Pronunciation charts Instructional Materials: Phonetic charts Whiteboard and markers Pronunciation practice worksheets Content: Definition: The vowel sound / ɒ / is a short, rounded, open-back vowel sound. It is pronounced with the mouth open and the back of the tongue raised slightly. This sound is common in some English accents but less so in others. Examples of Words with the Vowel Sound / ɒ /: Pot - /pɒt/ Hot - /hɒt/ Dog - /dɒg/ Sock - /sɒk/ Box - /bɒks/ Rock - /rɒk/ Top - /tɒp/ Log - /lɒg/ Shop - /ʃɒp/ Jog - /dʒɒg/ Presentation: Step 1: Review the previous topic on vowel sounds. Teacher’s Activities: Recap different vowel sounds and their pronunciation. Learners' Activities: Share their understanding of vowel sounds. Step 2: Introduce the vowel sound / ɒ /. Teacher’s Activities: Explain the / ɒ / sound, how to pronounce it, and its placement in words. Learners' Activities: Practice pronouncing the / ɒ / sound with guidance. Step 3: Practice with examples. Teacher’s Activities: Provide examples, have students repeat them, and correct pronunciation as needed. Learners' Activities: Pronounce the provided examples and practice in pairs. Teacher’s Activities: Define the vowel sound / ɒ /. Demonstrate correct pronunciation. Provide examples and guide practice. Learners' Activities: Practice pronouncing the / ɒ / sound. Repeat and use examples in sentences. Participate in pronunciation exercises. Assessment: Evaluation: Identify and pronounce words with the / ɒ / sound from a list. Use the / ɒ / sound in sentences. Class Activity Discussion: How does the vowel sound / ɒ / differ from other vowel sounds? Can you identify words with the / ɒ / sound in sentences? Why is correct pronunciation important? Evaluation Questions: How is the vowel sound / ɒ / pronounced? Give three examples of words with the / ɒ / sound. What is the difference between / ɒ / and / ɑː /? How do you pronounce the word "pot"? Which of the following words contains the / ɒ / sound: "cat" or "dog"? Pronounce the word "sock". In which position does the / ɒ / sound occur in the word "box"? Use the word "top" in a sentence. What is the mouth position for the / ɒ / sound? How would you correct the pronunciation of someone who says "hot" with a different vowel sound? Conclusion: The teacher will review the vowel sound / ɒ /, assess students' pronunciation, and provide feedback on their use of the sound in words and sentences. Captivating Title: "Mastering the Vowel Sound / ɒ /: Pronunciation and Practice" Focus Keyphrase: "Vowel Sound / ɒ / Pronunciation" SEO Title: "Learn the Vowel Sound / ɒ / with Examples and Practice" Slug: "vowel-sound-ɒ-pronunciation" Meta Description: "Understand and practice the vowel sound / ɒ / with clear examples and exercises." Speech Work English Grammar JSS 1 First Term Lesson Notes Week 9

Subject: Speech Work Class: JSS 1 Term: First Term Week: 9 Topic: Vowel Sound / ɒ / Duration: 40 minutes Age: 12–13 years Behavioral Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students should be able to: Define and identify the vowel sound / ɒ /. Pronounce words containing the vowel sound / ɒ / correctly. Use the vowel sound / ɒ / in sentences. Keywords: Vowel Sound / ɒ / Pronunciation Example…

[selfdiscoverywellness]

How to Manifest What You Really Want in Your Life

Manifestation is the process of turning your dreams and aspirations into reality through beliefand focus. It's rooted in the principles of positive thinking and the law of attraction. Here's a breakdown:

Power of Positive Thinking: Your thoughts wield immense power in shaping your life. Maintaining a positive attitude can help you overcome obstacles and pursue your goals with determination.

Law of Attraction: This law suggests that what you focus on is what you attract into your life. By directing your attention towards your goals, you can draw opportunities and resources that align with them.

To effectively manifest your desires, consider these techniques:

Visualization: Spend time each day visualizing yourself achieving your goals. This mental rehearsal can reinforce your belief in your ability to succeed.

Vision Board: Create a visual representation of your goals using images and notes. A vision board serves as a constant reminder of your aspirations, keeping you motivated and focused.

Future Box: This is a physical or digital space where you gather items related to your goals. It serves as a tangible representation of your desires, reinforcing your commitment to manifesting them.

Repetition Methods: Techniques like the 3-6-9 method or the 777 method involve repeating your goals regularly throughout the day. This constant reaffirmation keeps your objectives at the forefront of your mind.

10-10-10 Worksheet: List ten desires, ten things you're grateful for, and ten activities you enjoy. This exercise fosters self-awareness and cultivates a positive mindset, essential for effective manifestation.

Journaling: Keeping a journal allows you to track your progress, identify obstacles, and celebrate achievements along the way. It's a tool for self-reflection and growth.

To manifest successfully, remember these key principles:

Clarity: Clearly define your goals to focus your energy and intention towards them.

Positivity: Use affirmations and positive statements to reinforce your belief in your ability to manifest your desires.

Action: Take concrete steps towards your goals, no matter how small. Action is essential for bringing your dreams to fruition.

Courage: Embrace discomfort and step out of your comfort zone. Growth often occurs outside familiar territory.

Confidence: Cultivate confidence in yourself and your abilities. Believe that you are worthy of achieving your goals.

Gratitude: Practice gratitude for what you have while working towards what you desire. Gratitude fosters a mindset of abundance and attracts more blessings into your life.

By applying these principles and techniques, you can harness the power of manifestation to create the life you envision. Trust in the process and remain steadfast in your pursuit of your dreams.

Ready to work with Aanant? 😊 Simply fill out the form by clicking the link below and start your journey to self-mastery!

👉 https://selfdiscovery.ae/beliefs/

And hey, if you want to learn more about manifestation check out these YouTube videos given below.

👉 https://youtu.be/RsmNSgj8UR8

👉 https://youtu.be/mgZgYDSE0S8

👉 https://youtu.be/iVQu9G7HzrQ

👉 https://youtu.be/4LNPnS8EyWc

👉 https://youtu.be/4LNPnS8EyWc

👉 https://youtu.be/aK8WDJuwPmc

👉 https://youtu.be/K-32rc-_1Xw

👉 https://youtu.be/QKUyrlvSuTA

👉 https://youtu.be/gdaSPXK55DM

👉 https://youtu.be/otibxm6GWic

👉 https://youtu.be/2S4PmDyDq7c

👉 https://youtu.be/Jf8oLTs68D0

👉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSvDL7CqNCc&t=1154s

👉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o6vqjlqSnk&t=116s

👉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdP5klyBvRY&t=334s

👉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze67_IXtozQ&t=2s

[myprofessionalpracticeblog]

Entry 4 - Internship Applications

As we end this week, we have started to finish up our A2 work and should have a clear resume now, and have completed at least one cover letter, whilst also preparing for the interviews to come in the next few weeks. We had a worksheet activity in class where we partnered up twice with two different people, and exchanged our resumes, cover letters, if they had been completed yet, and our LinkedIn pages, and provided feedback on what was there, and what could be improved on. Now whilst I have done a resume, and have a very limited LinkedIn page, I haven't yet completed or even attempted a cover letter. So the feedback I did get wasn’t filled with as much information as other people would have been, because there is less of my current application to review.

I was partnered up with Brodie and Teagan, figure 1 is Brodie’s feedback and Figure 2 is Teagan’s feedback. Both Brodie and Teagan had pretty similar feedback when it came to my cover letter, “need to write one”. Simple feedback, and easy to follow, so I’m happy with that. When looking into my resume, Brodie said that I had a good about me section, and clearly showed a list of my skills, whilst Teagan said I included one reference, stated skills, and included a good description of my education. More importantly, in terms of feedback, Brodie and Teagan were both in agreeance that experience needs to be added, but Teagan also added a couple other things. She said I could avoid announcing being a sports fan, I could include specific career objectives and areas of interest, and she noted that the resume was only one page long. Upon reflection of this feedback, whilst I can’t help the experience part, since I have no previous working experience, the sports fan feedback is hard to change, since stating that I am a sports fan can help with the cultural side of the job, and can show potential employers that I can be an easy fit into the culture of the business. The final part of the feedback looks into my LinkedIn page, a page I haven't really used at all and set up because of my studies last year, but have only really used it during this subject. Brodie said I needed to add a photo of myself, which I completely agree with, I just didn’t and still don't have a good photo of myself, whilst Teagan added I could be more descriptive with my about section, lacked connections, and haven't posted anything. I have improved my number of connections since this feedback and went from around two connections to about 15, which will only increase when I start to post content as well. 

Figure 1:

Figure 2:

References:

Figure 1: Brodie’s Feedback. 2024

Figure 2: Teagan’s Feedback. 2024

[ttppnd]

Entry 4: Critical analysis of your internship applications relative to best practice using peer feedback.

In Session 9 of our Transition to Professional Practice class, we were grouped with a partner where we would review each other's sample cover letter, resume, and LinkedIn profile. Coming into this class, I had what I believed was a good cover sample cover letter addressed to Fox Sports, a fairly average resume, and a basic and non-effective LinkedIn profile. 

According to my peer review feedback, my cover letter had a good introduction, highlighted my relevant experiences for the job well, spoke about my relevant skills, and provided a call to action at the end of the cover letter. In contrast, some areas that needed improvement were my formatting, professional tone and language, and my cover letter’s overall customisation to Fox Sports values. 

According to my peer review feedback, my resume had a good list of education, skills, values, work, and volunteer experience. My resume also had a great career objectives section that described who I am and what I can offer an employer and provided contact details at the top of the page in bold writing. In contrast, some areas that needed improvement were my formatting in parts, as it looked too clunky with not enough white spacing. I also had various spelling errors and grammatical mistakes and didn’t provide any referees, which wasn’t good.

According to my peer review feedback, the only positives about my LinkedIn page were that I provided an education history, a biography, a profile picture, and where I work. In contrast, some areas that needed improvement were the fact that I hadn’t connected with anyone, added any relevant experience or volunteering, and didn’t have a suitable or professional profile picture. 

After receiving my peer feedback worksheet, I have been able to understand parts of my resume, cover letter, and LinkedIn profile that I have done well, and parts that I need to improve on. I have listened to all the feedback, and having it in writing will be a good sounding board to draw back on in preparation for A2. Having peer feedback is also good because it provides a different perspective on your work, which has been very beneficial to me. I now know what I need to work on before A2’s deadline, and will get cracking cover letter formatting, resume writing, and definitely my LinkedIn profile.

[604designresearchharriet]

Tutorial Worksheet | Task 4 

Student Name: Harriet 

Task 4: Individually, pairs or small groups [10-15mins] 

Analysis and development of your graphic system. 

What does all this analysis, reflection and discussion suggest for the graphic system you are currently using to communicate your set of elements and their potential stories and meanings? 

Describe the concept of your graphic system and how it works in practice. Consider the relationship between the form of the graphic system and the contexts of the elements (and their classification, and potential stories and meanings). 

Consider these prompts.  

Write and/or draw your responses below and overleaf. 

Is the graphic system coherent? Overall, would it make sense to someone with no knowledge of you, your design work and chosen elements? 

Your answer here. 

I think the threshold image treatment and the usage of enlarging the saftey pin allows to allude to punk sub culture ideals which underpin my aestehic appearance and values take place in my creative practice. I think the system is cohehernt and follows the rules while also using variables to create interest. The colours and imagery allow for the idea that much of the material is feminist based. I think the system is coherent to someone who may not know much about me and my creative process. 

Is it efficient? 

Your answer here. 

It is efficient in the same image treatment and gride system that correlates to the inventory list. The readability from left to right aligns with western culture method of reading.

Is it clear, concise and compelling? 

Your answer here. 

The copyrighitn is clear and concise and this is compelling by the imagery. The colours allow for a boldness that dominants the image but also doesn���t take away from the objects and enhances the creative notion of all belonging within the same space and world of my creative sanctuary. 

Is it the most appropriate design solution for your selected elements, and categories or classifications systems? What other graphic systems could you research and experiment with? 

Your answer here. 

The layout of the object scattered as if thrown in a random arrangement yet aslo meiticoulsy arranged into spaces allows for the range of different objects to make sense and be relevant at the same time as being part of a rigid system that encodes the ideas of my creative process as pieces of a puzzle that make up my creative sanctuary and in turn my process.

Does it speak to your preferences and strengths as a designer?  

Your answer here. 

The objects speak to my interest and preferences, music and art and literature and fashion. These are also my strengths and translate into my creative process. Fashion leaks into my design processes through textiles. My preferences are my strengths as these are the skill I hone and educate myself on more in both my own time and dedicate my university projects towards. 

Does it take a unique approach to the assignment reflective of you as an individual? 

Your answer here. 

The unique approach in in the essence and make up of my categories and inventory list. The relationship of all of these create a complex web of communities and themes that make up me as the designer. My own unique creative sanctuary in which was made for me by me to allow myself to thrive. This is my own little slice that I can chose to share with people. I think it is entirely reflective of me as a person with many different outlets and underpinned by political and feminist themes. 

How does it create appropriate connections with relevant creative communities?  

Your answer here. 

This allows me to start a grounding and understanding of what is important to me within the creative community and allows me to start seeking places I want to work within and communities I want to align with. Researching many different studios and NZ’s designers has opened my eyes to the range and diversity of the NZ and even Auckland design community. This excites me for my future as a designer to enlarge these  creative circles.

[concordeducations]

Working with Excel Databases-Sort, Filter, Subtotal and More

Excel is a powerful program for managing and analyzing lengthy lists of data. What tips, tricks, and techniques do you need to know to quickly and easily sort and filter a range or table of data? Join this training course to explore the shortcuts and solutions for effectively working with large worksheets of data.

Why Should You Attend

Learning how to use efficiently use Excel is so critical in many of today's office jobs. Many people know the basics of Excel. This webinar will show you how to use the sort and filter tools and subtotals to really help get the most out of your data, be more efficient, and find the information that you are looking for.

Objectives of the Presentation

The training will be delivered using Excel 365/2016 for Windows although for users of earlier versions, most of the functionality is available in Excel 2010 and Excel 2013.

Areas Covered in the Session » Sort data in a worksheet » Filter data with AutoFilter » Use custom filter techniques » Apply conditional formatting for quick analysis » Sort and filter using colors and icons from conditional formatting » Create, view, and remove Subtotals » Split complex data into separate columns for ideal filtering and sorting

Who Will Benefit » Business Owners » CEO's / CFO's / CTO's » Managers » Accountants » CPA's » Financial Consultants » IT Professionals » Auditors » Human Resource Personnel » Bookkeepers » Marketers » Anybody with large amounts of Data » Anybody who uses Microsoft Excel on a regular basis, and wants to be more efficient and productive To Register (or) for more details please click on the below link: https://rb.gy/fc7m1/a> Email: support@concordeducations.com Tel: (989)341-8773

[catchmewiddershins]

Hey hey Hun! I saw that your requests were open and was wondering if you could do a pt.4 of “the haikyuu boys overhearing their crush talk about them” but with Osamu, Hinata and Sakusa XoX

Haikyuu Characters Overhearing their crush talking about them - pt 4:

YES A PART 4 - before we start I just want to say thank you to everyone for all of the love you've shown this series 💖 As always, feel free to request another part!

Anyway- includes: Osamu, Hinata and Sakusa!

Osamu:

“Which one is that?”

“He’s not as good as his brother.”

“He seems lazier than Atsumu.”

“Why is he always eating?”

Osamu heard it all. Every. Single. Day. He was so tired of it but, with a twin as famed as Atsumu, the best high school setter, and he himself only being a good striker that his twin brings the best out of, it was inevitable that he would always be seen as the lesser sibling.

With one exception. You. Osamu had had a crush on you for ages, because you seemed to be the only person who didn’t see him as the extra part of a set. He’d first encountered you in his food tech class, and the two of you had been assigned to sit next to each other. You'd bonded very quickly.

"It needs more salt..."

"Is it supposed to look like that?"

"Wait- was that plain flour and not self-raising?"

"If we cover it with sprinkles, nobody will know!"

These were the conversations that he got to have with you every week and he loved them. He looked forward to the lessons you shared with unbearable excitement - where he'd be able to talk to you about something you both appreciate, and to have fun outside of volleyball, where he relied on Atsumu for success!

But then one week, he noticed you were quieter than usual... More hesitant. He remembered how he’d had a match the previous day and how he'd spotted you in the stands and his first thought was that of course you'd seen his brother in action and decided that he was the better twin and that there was no need to waste your time with him anymore.

Sadly, he got up to fetch some more ingredients and, as he returned, he caught the tail end of a whispered conversation between you and your friend on the neighbouring table.

"You're being weird, he's gonna think you hate him if you refuse to talk to him!"

"I just... He's been a wonderful friend and then I thought I might have feelings for him but I wasn't sure and then yesterday I got to see him play and it was amazing! I couldn't take my eyes off him! But now I know that I'm in too deep to back out and I don't know what to say!"

You groaned and flopped dramatically only your friend's worktop, ignorant of the boy behind you whose cheeks were heating at an alarming rate.

He coughed as a grin spread across his face.

"How about Ah ask ya te lunch first and we go from there?" He grinned setting the ingredients down onto the table. "And don't go quiet, Ah've always loved talkin' te ya!"

Hinata:

Hinata was late. Again. He’d been doing passing practice in the courtyard over lunch and had got caught up in what he was doing. And he hadn’t noticed the bell had rung for the first lesson of the afternoon. 

So here he was, sprinting through the school corridors at maximum speed, bag flying behind him and a few stray papers clutched in his hands. He slid around a corner and almost skidded into an opening door, the shouts of teachers echoing behind him as he rocketed through the building. 

As it was, his laces were loose, and he tripped as he sped past an empty classroom before crashing to the floor. He lay there for a minute and groaned, then standing up in order to tie his laces back together and gather up his scattered stationery, notebooks and paper. As he shuffled some worksheets together, he couldn’t help but notice your voice in the nearby classroom, and his ears perked up as he listened. 

He’d had a crush on you for so long it was hilarious! Since you’d both come to the school and met in the class you shared, you’d got on like a house on fire, always able to talk and share ideas. He’d fallen hard and fast, and he was whipped for you.

“Who do you like, then?” Came one voice from the classroom, your friend by the sound of it.

His favourite sound, your voice, replied, “Hinata, of course!”

Of course? Him? You liked him too? The fiery-haired boy leapt to his feet with excitement, but continued to listen as he collected his things.

“Hinata? That short, ginger boy from your Literature class?”

“Yes! He’s the best, honestly, he’s so enthusiastic all of the time and cheerful! Spending time with him feels like sunbathing on a warm day! And he’s so kind, and passionate, he really cares about his friends and his sport and always wants to improve! I really admire him!”

Hinata grinned wider than ever and let out a silent cheer, pumping his fist in the air as his eyes sparkled with glee. As he shot off back down the corridors, unwilling to be any later than he definitely was now, he planned to ask you out the next time he saw you, probably with a crushing hug as well!

Sakusa:

The bell at the door tinkled as Sakusa walked into the sports supplies shop, list in hand. He needed... new kneepads and... Komori wanted some tape. He didn’t like buying things online, and had to inspect everything personally, it wouldn’t do for him or his cousin to gain an injury due to low quality supplies. Perusing the aisles of the shop, he soon found the aisle he was looking for, and took his time picking up and examining every one, feeling for the quality and the texture because there’s no point if it’s uncomfortable.

He spotted a set of kneepads that he was drawn to... they reminded him of you. They were plain black and minimalist, but there were two coloured stripes, and they were exactly your favourite colour. You’d mentioned it to him once when he’d asked in one of your classes why all of your notebooks were the same colour, since it seemed like it would be harder to differentiate between them if they weren’t instantly recognisable. He’d logged that information immediately, so he could use it in the future. You see, he’d found himself slowly being drawn to you, to your personality and your interests. He liked to hear you talk, and liked to work with you, to tell you about what he’d been working on or doing. You’d talk about your hobbies and his matches and both of your struggles in different subjects.

A fond smile came to his face at the thought of you, and he decidedly grabbed that pair of kneepads to take to the till. After 5 minutes examining tape for Komori, and taking a small selection so it would last him a while, he approached to the till with his purchases in his hands, only to almost drop them in surprise as you waved at him from behind the counter.

“Hi, Sakusa-san!” You smiled at him, and he quietly placed the objects in his arms onto the counter for you to scan.

“I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Yeah, I only got the job recently!” You said as you scanned the tape. “Oh! These kneepads are my favourite colour! Nice taste!” Smiling, you placed everything into a bag and handed it to him with another wave.

“It’s been nice seeing you!”

He nodded and walked away towards the door, only faintly catching the words of your colleague on the other till.

“Do you know him?”

He could hear the smile in your voice, “Yeah! We’re in the same class for maths, and I go to all of his volleyball matches...” You trailed of slightly, your next phrase being rather quieter, “I actually... really like him... I’ve liked him for a while.”

There was a slight grin spreading across his face as he left, the heat in his ears giving away his feelings, as he plotted to ask you on a date as soon as he got you an appropriate gift... It would be your favourite colour, of course.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

[simpsiren]

lee taeyong x reader

description. I liked Lee Taeyong. A lot. And with every book I gave him, whatever purposes, I hid a love letter in between its pages. After all this time, I still wonder if Taeyong has yet to read even one of them.

Tsundoku— buying books and not reading them; letting books pile up unread on shelves, floors, or nightstands.

genre. fluff, angst, love letters!au, friends to lovers!au, one-sided love! au, bartender!taeyong, university student!reader

word count. 12.4k~

warnings. none!

a/n. was randomly scrolling through printerest when i found this word and suddenly this idea popped up in my headd. i had to change the meaning of the word so tha itll fit the story line better but the overall meaning is the same sooo. anyways that’s all i got for you now please enjoyy!

Books. An interest both Taeyong and I shared since college. Though our interest laid in the same object, our uses for it were far from the same. For me, it’s for reading. Like how it should be used, its main purpose. Like any other bookworm, constantly having my head shoved in romance or fantasy novels. Taeyong on the other hand, he... he uses it as decoration. Something that to him, should be kept on shelves, unread for display purposes.

I got to find out quite quickly that it was a habit for him to collect books that had nice spines just so he could place them on his shelves. I’ve been to his home once. One entire wall was just shelves filled with books. It was aesthetically pleasing indeed, but it disappointed me that he didn’t even bother to read a single one. So we made an agreement that I’d read his books. If he were to buy a new one, he’d let me read it first before tucking it away to never be pulled out again. I guess that’s why my friendship with him worked so well.

Taeyong decided to work as a bartender after college while I, went to pursue my studies with university. Should say that I regretted that on-impulse decision of mine nowadays.

It’s Friday. I just got out of university, at one in the morning. What an ungodly hour, considering that my classes started at nine this morning. I agreed to meet Taeyong at his bar. Luckily for me, the distance between school and the bar wasn’t far. Taeyong took me as a factor into consideration while trying out jobs around the school’s area, just so he’d get to meet me more often. That, was one of the million reasons why I fell for him.

I dragged my feet across the side walk, the screeching of my boots scraping against the rough surface. As much as I tried to hold up my posture during my long trip there (it felt like I’ve been walking forever when really, it has only been ten minutes), my back slowly slouched with each step till I was fully slouching. The extremely poor and back paining kind. Can’t blame me. University is mentally draining, but physically as well, having to walk to different classes constantly that’s being situated on opposite ends of the facility. It’s a workout.

I looked up to take a breather, seeing the glowing sign above the bar. I gazed down, to the glass windows, noticing how there was a lot of people in there. Well, it’s a Friday night afterall. I placed my free hand onto the door’s handle, pushing it open and entering.

Classical music played in the background. People’s murmurs could be heard as they had their own conversations. The place was dimly lit with an orange hue; a calming atmosphere. I went right up to the bar, getting on an empty cushioned stool and adjusting my butt onto it. I looked around the area. Taeyong wasn’t to be seen. I only assumed that he was making drinks.

I took out my book from my tote bag, flipping to the page where I folded it’s edge to continue where I left off. I was already two third done with it. And I was determined to finish it by Monday just so that I could get a new book to read.

My head was faced down, eyes scanning each sentence as I blocked out the entire world, putting myself in my own little bubble as I imagined myself in the story’s plot, too immersed to give a single care for my surroundings.

Suddenly, a hand appeared beside me, tapping its knuckles against the wood to get my attention. I lifted my eyes up, seeing Taeyong standing in front of me. White button up shirt, three buttons unhooked, revealing the slightest bit of his collarbones in a way to tease you and having the urge to see them fully. Black dress pants with a belt that cinched on his waist, framing his lower body beautifully.

“Literally called you from two steps away and you didn’t hear any of it.” Taeyong leaned against the counter, elbows supporting him as his face got close to mine. “I was busy.” I said, lifting up my book slightly. “You done with that? I need to put a new book on the shelve soon. It bugs me that there’s an empty spot.” Taeyong shivered as he mentioned that, making me chuckle softly.

“By Monday, I promise.”

“Need anything to drink? You look worn out.” Taeyong eyed me up and down. I probably looked terrible since Taeyong scrunched up his nose and shook his head. “You know I don’t drink. I mean I can, but it’s still the school term. I can’t afford getting off track by anything.”

Taeyong breathed a short laugh in response. “Ah of course. Didn’t you say you wanted to dropout just yesterday?” Taeyong looked up for a moment before bringing his eyes back down on me with a teasing gaze. My mind went back to yesterday when I texted Taeyong a long ranting paragraph about how stressed I was this week. I frowned. “Should I?”

Taeyong bobbed his shoulder. “It’s up to you. But I sincerely think you should. I mean look at you.” He added a light scoff at the end, his hand going up and down in front of me. “I’m just worried.” He proceeded to shift his weight form one leg to the other, sliding his fingers into the pocket of his pants. I felt his sense of sincerity, invariably imbued. Another reason why I fell for him. He’s always caring, too caring for his own good, especially towards me.

“Will think about it.” I mumbled, taking note of my book’s page number since I was too lazy to fold it before closing and shoving it back into my tote bag. “Anyways, when are you getting off work?”

Taeyong turned around to grab something. I realised it was his wallet and phone as he shoved the wallet into his back pocket and kept his phone in his hand. “Right now.” He flashed his smile. The signature smile. One he has on ninety percent of the time, at least around me. It was unique. A smile that only suited him and not anyone else. He owned it . Like he should. Yet another reason why I fell for him.

I got off the stool as he went around the counter that had the space in between for staffs to pass through. “Want me to drive?” He asked as we made our way to the door. I shook my head. “You had a long day. Just go home.” I kindly rejected. I bowed my head as he opened the door for me. A gentleman; adding onto the long list.

“You had an even longer one. I don’t care. It’s late too. I can’t let you walk home alone.” I laughed weakly, waiting for him outside as he closed the door. As we make our way to Taeyong’s car, he whispered, “Sleep straight when you get home, okay?” He opened the car door for me. I nodded, “Yes father.” I dragged on.

The car ride home was silent. Completely silent. There wasn’t even music playing in the background. I had my eyes fixed on the view out of the window, too scared to look at Taeyong as I can’t bare to look at him long enough before I melt on sight.

My apartment came to view after the many trees and street lights we drove past. The car pulled to a halt and I turned to Taeyong, who was suddenly up close to me, one hand looming over my chest as he reached for the seatbelt. I possibly stopped breathing. His eyes looked into mine, expressionless. I couldn’t even blink I was that shocked. “Sorry. I thought you were sleeping.”

Taeyong pulled back to his seat. I exhaled sharply. I looked to the seatbelt. He didn’t unbuckle it. I huffed quietly and did it myself, sliding my tote bag onto my shoulder. “Remember. Sleep right away.” He advised a second time as I make my way out of the car, slamming the car door shut.

Before I turned around, he rolled down the window, leaning forward slightly. “And my book!” He shouted. I placed two fingers up my head and pointed it back at it as a way to say, “Yes sir.” Before swirling around and walking away, his car’s engine starting up and driving away. The noise was quick to get muffled and go away as he drove further out of the neighborhood.

The hours of studying I had to do at home went by quick. Before I even knew it, I didn’t sleep that night at all. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to Taeyong. I had assignments to complete by Monday for God’s sake. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the number of times I’ve pulled all-nighters are now inhumane.

I checked the time on my clock. 5:05AM. I sighed, looking across my study table that’s pilled with worksheets and my opened laptop. I nodded my head as I made the mental decision of finally cleaning up as I rechecked to see if I’ve left any work undone before beginning to stack the papers and shoving them into my tote bag. The only thing left on the table was a stack of decorative papers, with beautiful outlines of red roses around the edges.

I slid one paper off the stack, placing it in front of me. I grabbed a random pen from my organiser, clicking it as I swirled it around, trying to figure out what to write.

Hey taeyong. This is my 127th love letter, confession letter, whatever you would call it. I’m not sure if you’ve read any of them. My last note was in ‘It Ends with Us’. I find that you aren’t giving any reaction or anything. I know you don’t read the books but do you even bother flipping through its pages for the letter to fall out? I’m still hoping you’d at least open this one. Please. I’ve been waiting for ages. For you. I like you, Lee Taeyong, for the 127th time.

I placed my pen back to where it belonged before holding the note in my hand, lifting it up to my face. I bit my bottom lip before opening my book, randomly opening a page and placing the note in, making sure it’s secured before putting that into my tote bag as well. Too lazy to even get into my bed, I fell asleep uncomfortably at the table.

It was now Sunday. I almost forgot the fact that I’m meeting Taeyong today to pass him the book, which to be honest, I didn’t finish. The book was boring. It was like those books that you force yourself through so you wouldn’t feel the regret of buying it. Though I used Taeyong’s money, I still felt bad for leaving it unread. I wasn’t like Taeyong at least.

While thumbing through my closet to find something to wear after showering, my eyes stopped at the sweater that Taeyong borrowed me not too long ago because I was dumb enough to meet him at two in the morning without a jacket. I was frozen stiff due to the cold.

Absentmindedly, I took it off its hanger and brought it close to my chest, dipping my head down as I deeply inhaled, Taeyong’s scent was still on there. I put it on and continued getting ready.

Just when I was done placing my valuables in my sling bag, the doorbell rang. Thinking it was the mailman, I rushed to the door with immense speed. I opened the door forcefully. But instead of the mailman, I was met with Taeyong standing in front of me. We locked eyes for a split second, which made my heart leap. I then eyed him up and down. He was wearing his usual all black outfit. Shirt, jeans, and boots. I liked how the plain and simple outfit was able to cup his body well, accentuate all his body features. It always made me swoon for him.

“What are you doing here?” I noticed how Taeyong kept eyeing his sweater that’s on me despite his attempts at trying to remain eye contact with me. “I thought of just letting you give me the book now and spend the day here. Can I?” No wonder he wore a regular outfit.

“So I dressed up for nothing?” I feigned my exasperation, folding my arms as I cocked an eyebrow, huffing ever so softly. Taeyong followed my poster one on one. “And wearing my sweater is called dressing up? How lovely.” It was now his turn to fire back, which made me frown. “Whatever.” I gave in, turning around to head back to my room.

I heard the door closing as Taeyong’s footsteps were quick to follow closely behind, maybe due to the large steps he took with his long legs. As I entered my room, Taeyong lets out a hum of satisfaction. “Your shelve’s looking good. More full than last time.” He complimented. I took a seat at the study table as he made his way to seat at the edge of my bed. “Mhm.” I softly answered.

With the remembrance of what he came here for, I grabbed my tote bag and fished out for the book. I then toss it onto the bed beside Taeyong, not speaking a word as I jerked my head to it. “Thanks. You read fast.” Taeyong held the book in his hand. Open it, open it. Oh God why can’t he just find the damn note I placed there?

“No I don’t. It’s just that the book was extremely boring for my liking.” I stated, matter-of-factly. Taeyong examined the book, quickly turning it over to read the synopsis. “Ew.” He mumbled.

“It was only good at first. The ending sucked.” I added on to my complains. “By the way...” Taeyong trailed on. I wonder what he wanted to ask. Was it something about the book? About the notes?

“I’ve been thinking I should read one of the books.” I folded my arms with arrogance, slouching into the chair as I tilted my head, the side of my lip lifted up slightly. “So after more than four years I was able to reel you in to read your first book?” I questioned, sounding smug.

Taeyong let out an annoyed ‘tsk’. “I find ‘If I never met you’ interesting, okay? Let me be.” Taeyong pouted and folded his arms, turning his head away from my direction. I stood up, walking to the bed and plopping myself down which made the two of us bounce up and down of a moment. “It’s cute how you’re a newbie to reading.” I made up an excuse when really what I found cute was how Taeyong acted. It made me blush a bright pink. It was probably extremely noticeable when Taeyong suddenly mentioned, “Did I make you so proud that you’re now blushing?” Taeyong teased, a giggle following after.

“Oh shut up.”

Lee Taeyong. This is the 128th letter. I still remember the first one I wrote. Feeling so hopeful and acting like a little girl that’s too shy to confess up front. I’m still like that. Yet to physically hint at you about my feelings. I can only express them like this, through notes that could all end up being meaningless if you’ve never looked at them. I’ll come by your house today. I’ll probably slide it in between books instead of pages. I long for your love, the kind that’s much more than that of a friend. I’ve been holding on for so long. Perhaps too long. But it’s okay, you’re Lee Taeyong. I won’t let the feelings I’ve bottled up for years go to waste. I’ll do something... soon. Yes, soon.

Later that day, I made my way to Taeyong’s house. I asked him to stay at home so that I could surprise him by coming over. But the reaction that I expected from him was way too predictable.

“You could’ve just told me to pick you up!” Taeyong whined. There he goes again being way too caring. Stop it. It’s hurting me.

“It’s not that troubling to travel, Yong. Calm the heck down! It’s really nothing.” I shouted back, reassurance being imbued into each word. He made way for me to enter. And as I did, I walked slowly, long strides to the living room where the large bookshelf was placed. The one that covered the entire wall. Well, almost, since he made space for the television. Other than that, it was just books surrounding it.

“Wait.” I turned around sharply. I realised that my sudden action made Taeyong stop in his tracks instantly. But he was close to me. Way too close for my own good. We stayed there for a moment, exchanging blank stares while I took the time to remember this moment; my heart stopping, his tall figure looming over me, his eyes looking into mine as if he’s trapping me in his gaze. Moments like these happen often. And I’d often take the time to remember them, shoving them into a mental folder called ‘Head over heels for TY’.

“Sit down. I’ll... get the cheesecake.” Taeyong was the first to back out, taking a step away from me and chuckling awkwardly. He quickly turned away after avoiding my eyes and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked nervous. But why? If I have seen it correctly, it looked like his cheeks were ever so slightly red as well. What even...

I shook my head vigorously, throwing those thoughts out of my mind. I sat down on the brown leather couch, leaning back and allowing my body to sink into it. Somehow, the thoughts crept back in. I thought about how what I observed just now could not have been real. It’s Lee Taeyong. Hundreds of girls are always hitting on him at the bar during his shift. He might even be seeing someone. Wait why am I even saying that to myself? I’d end up feeling jealous with no real reason. Great, you’re a dumb one indeed.

I felt Taeyong’s weight beside me. I looked up from the table, realising now that I was in a trance of my own thoughts, and to the cheesecake that he placed down. He leaned forward to cut a slice, placing it on a small plate as he placed the fork down beside it and handed it to me. “Here. Bought it especially for your brain recovery, and cravings. You’re period came, right?”

My eyes widened. My brows furrowed and got closer to each other as I backed my head away in surprise. “How’d you even know?” I asked shockingly. Taeyong lets out a chuckle, bringing his plate up and taking a bite. “I know you long enough to know that your period’s consistent and is usual around this time. But I was just taking my chances. I know you’d still eat the cheesecake either way.” Taeyong flashed a cheeky smile.

I knew he was extremely considerate towards me. He’d always advise me to take breaks, giving me a shoulder to lean on when I need rest, coming over to comfort me till sunrise whenever I texted him a ‘feel depressed lmao.’ He’s always on standby, ready to assist me when I need him, for whatever reason. Even if he wasn’t there, he was somehow able to choreograph his silent dance of support. But I never knew he was this meticulous to take note of my habits, my favourite food and even my period. He knew everything about me at the back of his hand. He really does make me feel some type of way. Perhaps a feeling far beyond love. An unknown feeling that only I could experience since it’s Taeyong. It’s always him. Always have been, and always will be.

I grabbed a big bite, scooping it in my mouth and moaning out dreamily, letting myself sink into the cheesecake and its flavours like a bath. “Fuck this is good. Where’d you get it?” I questioned with immense curiosity. I was genuinely curious. Because I’d love to get more.

Taeyong raised both his brows, his lips forming a thin line as he gave a slightly awkward or nervous cheeky smile. I couldn’t quite tell. “I made it.” He whispered. “No way!” I instantly take another bite, this time with Taeyong in mind. I mean, he already was from the moment he gave me the plate, but with now knowing that he was the one that made it? It suddenly tasted a thousand times better.

“Fucking bake more! Why haven’t I known that you can bake?!” I screamed with excitement. I finished the first slice, now on my way to tackle a second. Taeyong laughed hilariously at my reaction. “Is it that good? It’s my first time trying the recipe.”

“I know you cook like you’ve cooked for me many times but what the heck you should to do this more often. I’d eat it whole.” I squealed as I savoured the cheesecake’s flavours.

“If it’s for you then I’d gladly do it.”

Once again I felt the kindness and love through his voice and tone that’s ever so sweet and gentle. I’d imagine that this was how angels sounded like. Taeyong has always been able to put me at instant peace with just his words alone. Be it through the phone or in person. I always felt calm and protected.

It amazed me just what love could do to you. Everything they do now seemed perfect and beautiful, you blind yourself with their beauty and everything that’s good in them. In Taeyong’s case, I’ve never seen the bad side of him, shockingly enough. I’ve been friends with him for more than five years yet there wasn’t any argument between us that made a major impact on our relationship, if you don’t count those when I wouldn’t talk to him for only one day but we’d be able to act normal after.

We ended up spending the evening watching Netflix. We’ve been through two movies now. The cheesecake was now fully finished as well, down to its crumbs. “Want me to cook dinner?”

“I’m fine with anything.” I blinked my eyes once and a soft smile appeared on my lips. Taeyong hummed softly and nodded his head as he made his way to the kitchen, the sound of his slippers can be heard as he shuffled away.

I laid down on the couch, using my phone. A thought suddenly popped in my mind. I instantly peeked my head above the back rest, seeing Taeyong’s back in view as his body swayed slowly by the stove. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He ran a hand through his hair. How can a man look this... amazing. I can’t think of any other ways to describe Taeyong at that moment. Boyfriend material? Stunning? Breathtaking? All of the above.

As much as I wanted to stare at his figure, I had another agenda I had to accomplish before getting back to it. I rose from the couch, slowly and quietly, taking the note out of my sling bag. I walked up to the overwhelmingly large bookshelf. I scanned it carefully, trying to figure out where to place it.

“What are you doing?” I turned instantly at Taeyong’s voice. He was a few steps away from me, two plates of pasta in his hands. He turned around to place them on the table.

I took this chance to quickly slide the note into the shelve. One edge of the note was sticking out. Shit. It wasn’t obvious but it’s still there. I didn’t have any time to adjust it when Taeyong faced his body back to me.

“Just looking. The fact that I’ve read all these books... I’m such a bookworm for reading this much.”

“That’s what I like about you.” I was eyeing the pasta when Taeyong blurted that out. It was quick and soft, I couldn’t make out the words. I could only infer. “What?” I asked purposely, just to see if he’ll answer.

“It’s nothing.” Taeyong shoved a spoonful of pasta into his mouth, adverting his gaze on anything else but me.

I thought about how weird he was acting. It’s the first time I’m noticing that Taeyong’s been acting... wary, cautious of his every move around me. Just as I thought about how he’s clueless and delusional about my feelings for him, it could have been the same for me.

Luckily (Thank the Gods kind of lucky), classes ended early today. And Taeyong told me to meet him at his dance studio. For what reason? I wasn’t actually sure. I headed there, passing by the many other practice rooms till I saw the number that Taeyong told me. I opened the door, seeing Taeyong and two other guys I’m unfamiliar with. All of them turned their heads to me in unison, Taeyong blinding me with a bright smile while the others looked to each other with confusion.

“You came!” Taeyong squealed, running up to me and hugging my tightly. He was extremely sweating. I would try to push him away, but he probably wouldn’t let go and let me suffocate. Thankfully, he didn’t and pulled away, grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the other two guys.

“Ten, Mark. This is my friend, _____. I wanted her to come so that we’ll have an audience to show our piece.” Taeyong explained to them freely as he pointed to Ten and Mark respectively, an arm swung around my shoulders. I bowed my head amicably with a smile while they did the same. “You never told me you have a girlfriend, Taeyong.” Ten teased, lightly punching Taeyong’s chest. I couldn’t help but blush a light pink. I swallowed and looked up to him, who had a nervous and shy face on, which I didn’t expect at all.

“We’re best friends, please.” Taeyong denied, no hesitation whatsoever. In my head I wanted to frown but I had to keep a smile on.

“Hey, Ten. Wanna get Starbucks?” Mark suddenly asked, looking at him with a wicked grin as if he’s hinting to Ten about something. Ten was quick to respond, nodding his head with affirmation. “Yeah. I’m thirsty. You should just stay here with her. Need js to get anything?” Ten trailed on while the two of them began to take their wallets out of their bags that were at the back of the practice room.

“You guys are really going all the way to Starbucks that’s a fifteen minute walk from here?” Taeyong asked, extremely shocked. I did walk past Starbucks on my way here, and it is indeed extremely far. What the heck were they trying to do by leaving so abruptly?

“Eh it’s fine. Well we’ll leave you to it! Peace!” And just like that, Ten and Mark have left and it was now just me and Taeyong. The two of us turned to each other and chuckled at the same time. “Come on show me your dance!”

“It’s a duet that I’m doing with Ten. Can’t dance if he’s not here.” I looked up for a moment, thinking. “Dancer by day. Bartender by night. That’s Lee Taeyong.” I spread my hands out with jiggling my fingers as if showing a rainbow and mimicking stars. Taeyong laughed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Broke university student by day, author by night. That’s _____.”

I looked at him weirdly, eyes narrowing at him as I furrowed my brows. “How am I an author?”

“Eh I just assume you’re one since you’re such a bookworm.” Taeyong fakely rolled his eyes but flashed a cheeky smile after. I smiled back and got closed to him, both hand resting on my hips as I rested my weight on one leg. “So what are we gonna do mister dancer?” I asked with the tone of a child, making me laugh after from how ridiculous I sounded.

Taeyong proceeded to take my tote bag off my shoulder, putting it off to the side with the other bags while he grabbed his phone and went to Spotify. “Let’s dance.” He suggested with confidence. He played a song. It’s one of my favourites. A song that didn’t make me think twice to bob my head to, which I instantly did. “I haven’t danced in years and you know that.”

Specifically, it was six years ago. I used to dance in highschool as extra curricular thing. But in college I started to dance less frequently, and my dance friends and I slowly grew distant. But I was okay with it. I mean, it’s life. The world still had to spin no matter the situation.

“Come on I know you have it in you. Just vibe.” Taeyong swayed his shoulders up and down slowly, grooving to the beat as his whole body began to work its magic, his dancing was at the level of professional ones. I never know why he didn’t want to pursue dance as a career and became a bartender instead.

I slowly moved my body in a weird way. Not dancing for years, your body is bound to be uncomfortable and you’d be looking weird as you move. Which was definitely me. Taeyong laughed at me, making me frown and stopped dancing. He huffed with a smile and held both my hands. Instantly, my legs and body moved in sync with his. It felt amazing dancing with Taeyong. It was fun and carefree. I could dance as stupidly as I want and even though Taeyong could pull off the best dance moves, he’d still choose to dance stupidly along with me. He was able to serve himself as a guidance as I found my groove and vibe that I didn’t have in me for a long time.

When the music stopped, Taeyong’s hands where on my waist, while I had mine on his arms. We turned to the mirror and giggled, throwing out heads back happily.

“You still got it.”

“Make sure to find the ones with pretty spines.”

Taeyong and I decided to head to bookstores today for our monthly book shopping. And while I was carefully reading the synopsis of books that had an interesting title, Taeyong was busy examining their cover pages and the aesthetics, mostly the spine.

“Have you started on the book you told me about?” I asked, flipping the book I just took out to its first chapter to get a feel of the writer’s writing style. “I have, actually.” My head shot to him instantly. He’s read the book. But I remembered putting the note in the back pages of the book. Has he reached there yet? “But I’m a slow reader. And busy. I’m only at the third chapter.”

As much as I was surprised about the fact that he’s speed in reading was extremely slower than what I would consider normal, I couldn’t blame him. He’s body with work most of the time and he has a life to live. Not to mention how it’s the first book he’s actually reading. This is a good example that the gap in terms of our reading abilities are definitely big.

“Liking it so far?” I asked. “Yeah.” Taeyong simply replied as he took a book off the display. “I’m getting this. And these as well.” He giggled like a happy child who’s buying a bunch of toys as birthday present from his parents. He lifted the books up slightly, fiddling around and trying to stack them properly while I closed the book that was in my hands. “I’m just buying this.”

“Seriously? Oh wait nevermind you’re a broke university student.” Taeyong taunted, rolling his eyes. My mouth opened slightly, faking my exasperated as I huffed loudly. “Okay mister bartender. You didn’t have to rub-”

“Oh my God. Taeyong?!”

In unison, the two of us turned around to the noise. A girl was running up to us. The moment she came, she didn’t hesitate to hug Taeyong around his torso. Taeyong chuckled, almost awkwardly and hugged her back.

I took a quick look at them. Their hug made a few things clear to me. One, she’s probably known him for a long time. But if she has, why didn’t Taeyong told me about her before? He shares all his secrets, I pretty much know him from A to Z. So why hasn’t he mention her before? Second, Taeyong was quick to reciprocate the hug, from his awkward form to a loving one. They looked like a couple that hasn’t seen each other in ages; a meaningful reunion.

I wasn’t exactly happy with where this was going. I didn’t like how in an instant, she could simply let herself be in such close proximity with him. I’ve never hugged Taeyong for that long at all. It made me feel a couple of things. Jealousy? Judgmental? Sudden hatred towards her? But why should I? It felt so invalid of me to feel these things.

“It’s been years, Taeyong.” She chuckled happily as they pulled apart. Finally. “Who’s she?” Her finger lifted up to me.

“A friend.” Taeyong answered. Of course, Why did I think I’d be any more than that? Just a friend. We’re just friends. Just.

While they were having a chat about who knows what, I wasn’t exactly paying attention since I simply assumed that it was to catch up with each other. I wondered off to another section of the store. After browsing through a few books, it was then I realised that they weren’t no longer in the store anymore when I got back. They left, Taeyong left. Without telling me. It was my fault for leaving the scene discreetly since I felt like my presence wasn’t needed in their bubble at the time, but why did Taeyong not come find me? Was I... simply forgotten?

I went straight home that day after cashing out the books. I didn’t know where Taeyong went after leaving that that girl, but I didn’t want to act like some busybody who asks something that isn’t her business. I got texts from Taeyong asking if I left yet. Was he planning on returning there after leaving for two hours? He actually expected me to wait. Unbelievable.

After that day, my meetups with him became less frequent. He occasionally replied to my texts. More like one sentence after four or so hours. He still updates his socials. And it was all about her. Photos, videos. They were hanging out together more often. For some reason, it felt like she was a replacement; my replacement. I somewhat distanced myself away from Taeyong thinking, “I assume you don’t need me anymore so I’ll stay out of your way.”

But one day, out of pure curiosity, I decided to follow them to a cafe. Taeyong did text me that he’d be heading there, but I left him on seen. Like I said, I’m slowly removing myself out of his picture.

I sat at the corner of the cafe, black jacket, black cap and large black sunglasses. I looked like a stalker in the eyes of strangers. I mean, I was.

I covered myself further by holding up a book to my face. As I continuously stared at them, I grew bored. Don’t get me wrong, I was feeling negative. I didn’t like how she’s teasingly touching Taeyong’s arm, how they laughed happily together and chatting as if they’re in their own little world. But I started to wonder why I even came here. I did want to see what they’re like. But I’m making myself feel more bad this way.

I decided to write a note. I was done with the book I’m currently holding. All I needed to do was give it to Taeyong. With the note. I took out a random piece of paper from my tote bag, fishing out for a pen as well and began to write.

It’s my 145th letter. Fuck how long am I going to do this? Might sound weird, but I’m currently looking at you. Watching you with her. Why does it feel like you’re happier with her? You’re smiling, laughing more. You’re more brighter. I mean you have always been bright. But you just... radiate differently; a new type of glow I never knew you had. I saw your socials, constantly posting about her. I’m jealous, very. I want to be like that with you. But it just feels wrong, perhaps not right. Like I shouldn’t be craving for you. For your touch, your whispers, giggles. Why do I feel like this? The more you spend time with her, the more I realise that my chances of getting you is slowly slipping away from my grasp. But why can’t I move? Why don’t I want to move? I’m not sure what’s stopping me. And that’s what I’m fearing the most.

I felt my cheeks getting wet. It took me awhile to realise that I was balling my eyes out, slowly and painfully. I took off my sunglasses for a moment to wipe off excess tears before putting them back on. I can’t belive I’m crying. I looked down to the note. A tear fell onto it, a spot crinkled as it left a visible mark of my feelings. Just as I was sniffing, constantly having to wipe my cheeks dry since my tears were getting uncontrollable, I looked out the window. And what stood on the opposite side shocked me.

I knocked on the glass, his head turning quickly. He looked around inside the cafe, not sure of where the signal came from. I knocked once again. He looked down on me and I took off my sunglasses, pulling down my hood.

“Nakamoto Yuta?” I mouthed to him, my lips moving widely so he could read them. His eyes blinked rapidly and he leaned in before widening them after realising who I was. We take a few of the same classes. I see him often in school. But we never really talked. He immediately rushed into the cafe, covering his face as if hiding his identity and running up to my table to take a seat.

“Why were you looking in like some stalker?” I asked, pulling my hood back over my head as I lowered myself, my eyes still fixated on Taeyong.

“You look more like one than I do.” Yuta commented. I notice how he was constantly turning around, specifically to Taeyong’s direction. “You haven’t answered my question.”

“I’m looking at them.” He pointed his finger out ever so slightly. And as I predicted, he was referring to Taeyong and the girl. “You know Taeyong?” I immediately asked, extremely curious as to why he was spying on them just like I was. “No, but I know Jiung.” So that’s her name. Pretty name for a pretty girl. Of course.

“And why are you doing that exactly?” Yuta let out a huff, leaning in with his elbows on the table, his shoulder rising up to his ears. “Because I want to see what they’re on about. I keep seeing her with that Taeyong guy. I like Jiung so I’m jealous.” I puckered my lips and nodded. My face showed as if I shrugged it off. But my mind began turning its gears. So he likes Jiung and he’s jealous of them together? He has the same reason of me coming here as well. What forces swirled around the world for us to come together like this? It’s weird how coincidentally the situation was.

“I actually came for the same reason as you. I like Taeyong, and I’m jealous of Jiung.” I frowned slightly, a sigh leaving my lips. I opened up to him quick about my situation since I felt a sense of similarity with him. He probably wouldn’t remember anyways. It’s not like we’ll be crossing paths in the future.

“Were you crying? Your eyes are hella puffy.” He asked suddenly. I breathed out a laugh awkwardly. I gulped and cleared my throat, thinking that I should shove all my feeling down so I wouldn’t look even more ridiculous in front of Yuta. “Yeah.” I quickly slid the note in between a random page.

“Funny how we met here. For the same reasons. It’s like fate.” I couldn’t agree more. “An idea just came to my mind.” Oh no.

Yuta has always been the class clown, saying out his ideas that were completely mind blowing and far fetched. His way of thinking is... unique, in a funny way. I got somewhat nervous after he said that sentence, you can never guess what he’s thinking about or get a clear grasp of the way he thinks.

“How about we try splitting them up?” I didn’t reply, his words slowly resonating in my mind. He can’t be serious, right? But why am I slowly being persuade by an unknown force?

I have yet to say a word, my eyes still on them as I was deep in thought, wondering about all the possible outcomes of me agreeing and disagreeing, weighing them carefully so that I could make the more beneficial decision.

“Come on. You’ll get to be with Taeyong more. And I’ll have Jiung. Win-win situation, right?”

I sighed, inhaling as my chest puffs up.

“Alright.”

Yuta: How’s it going?

Me: amazingg :D

“Who are you texting?” Taeyong asked, I placed my phone down to the side, screen faced down. “No one.”

This is the sixteenth outing with Taeyong after that day. I was able to spend time with Taeyong a lot more, just like before. And probably just like it should. I’ve seen Yuta posting more often on his Instagram stories, mostly of him and Jiung. Our plan of keeping them apart is working. Though Yuta told me that it was Jiung who’s constantly asking to meet up with Taeyong, he was able to force her to hang out with him instead, giving her no chance whatsoever. It was extremely helpful.

I know this whole situation sounds as if I’m being evil or whatever you call it. But why wouldn’t I accept a chance to be closer to Taeyong?

“Should we head to the carnival after this? Or desserts first? Oh I want to head to that new ice cream shop! Ten said it’s delicious but extremely crowded. I don’t mind waiting since I’ll have you to annoy.” Taeyong rambled on. I laughed happily, taking in this moment. I want to treasure such simple moments like these. I want it to be in a snow globe; something remembered forever.

“Do anything you please, Yong.” I chuckled, flashing an eye smile.

Just then, the bell above the restaurant’s door opened, signalling a new costumer coming in. Taeyong widened his eyes at the door. I tilted my head at his weird action, turning around to see just what made him react that way.

“Jiung?” “Yuta?” The two of us whispered at the same time.

Jiung’s eyes immediately went to Taeyong, her face lighting up at the sight of him as she tried to make her way over. But Yuta stopped her by the shoulders. I now understood what Yuta meant by saying, “She’s so attracted to him.”

While Jiung was struggling to eacape Yuta’s strong grasp, Taeyong was halfway off his seat. I immediately reached a hand to place on his arm. “Where you going?” I asked, faking a smile when in reality I was getting nervous.

“Wanting to say hi to Jiung.” Taeyong was about to alide himself off his seat so I grabbed his arm, trying to stop him in the most natural way possible. “I don’t think you should. She seems busy.” I tugged on his arm slightly, an attempt to get him to sit back down. “But it looks like she’s struggling. I- Wait here.” Taeyong noticed how I was trying so hard to stop him from leaving. He raised a brow and shook my hand off in an instant, his strength powering over my desires.

I followed behind him. Taeyong forcefully removed Yuta away from Jiung and Yuta’s eyes immediately glanced to mine. Both of us sending nervous signals to each other in that split second. “What the hell were you doing to her?” Taeyong growled lowly, his voice and tone suddenly growing dark as he held Jiing’s wrist, his body standing in front of hers as if he’s protecting her.

“I was just getting her out of the restaurant since it’s quite packed.” Yuta awkwardly replied with an excuse. “No you were purposely stopping me from going to Taeyong.” Jiung fought back. I stood there frozen, watching by the sidelines as nervousness started rising in me. Are they going to find out about my plan with Yuta?

“I think it’s just a misunderstanding. You two can go now.” I ripped Taeyong’s tight hold around Jiung’s wrist, dragging him back to stand beisde me. “I just want to chat with Taey-”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. Move along now.” I tried to shove Yuta and Jiung out the door. Taeyong’s hand suddenly gripped onto mine. I looked up instantly.

“Pause. You’re very acting weird. What’s going on?” Taeyong’s voice was raised higher than before. A few people were staring at us. “Nothing...” I whispered, looking down. I was now scared to the bone. I didn’t know what to reply, how to cover it up. It’s gonna have to slip out eventually. At least I was able to be with Taeyong more often.

“Yuta and I planned for you guys to never meet again.” That’s it. It’s all over. With that simple line of confession, the truth was now out. No where left to hide or run. Yuta smacked me on the arm, making me wince. “What the heck?!” He half-shouted in a whisper.

“Are you serious? And for what? Jealous or something?” Taeyong was mad. So mad. And I felt it. I was so scared. I was shivering with every word he said. I gulped, avoiding eye contact with him. I didn’t need to give a reply. My body has said it all. A moment of silence filled with tension circled around us. Suddenly, Taeyong stormed out.

I panicked, immediately going back to the table we were at to grab my belongings and rushed out, wanting to stop Taeyong. I looked around frantically. I spotted him walking down the street on the left. I ran as fast as I could, my hand reaching out for him as I shouted his name countless of times, but he doesn’t respond as if he was deaf.

“Taeyong, please!” I cried out. I finally had his wrist tightly around my fingers. He turned around sharply. He tried to walk away, but I tried harder to grip onto the hem of his sweater tighter. “What?”

I realised at that very moment that I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to stop him, but I never thought of what to do afterwards. I wanted to say “Don’t leave.” But it never left my lips.

I stood there silently, my thumb caressing against the cloth as I bit my lip hard. “Hello?” Taeyong asked, annoyed. That one simple word hit me, right on the heart. It was like an arrow, painfully accurate at where its being shot. Just as how one word from him could light up my day, and one word from him can make it come crashing down as well. His change in tone and mood was quick and intense. I couldn’t stop thinking about being terrified.

I eventually took in a deep breath, opening my tote bag and taking out the book that I have forgotten to give him that day while I was spying on him.

“Here. Have it, as a present.” I brushed a hand down the back of my head, my fingers combing through the ends as I turned around and walked away in the opposite direction after shoving the book to Taeyong’s chest, remembering the note was somewhere in there but I never bothered knowing exactly where.

My breathing started to become unstable. The further I walked away, the urge of falling down to the ground and collapsing became stronger. But I continued walking, telling myself to stay strong the whole way till I reach home. “You can cry on the floor all you want. Just quickly get home now.” I kept whispering to myself, begging my legs to speed up but my wobbly knees were not helping.

I cried that night. Very hard. The whole scene of kept replaying like a movie tape. All I could think about was how mad Taeyong looked. With his voice and eyes. It was a look I’ve never seen on him before. It was like a completely new side of him. The entire opposite of what he usually was. I now realised that he’s one of those “Their all butterflies and rainbows till they get pissed off.” That phrase cannot be any more true in regards to Taeyong.

Every day I tried to meet Taeyong. At the bar, his home, the bookstore. Anywhere he could be. He wasn’t replying to my texts, or calls. He probably blocked me. And on his socials as well. He wasn’t responding to me at all. I got worried sick. Is he never going to talk to me ever again?

Constantly, I mentally slammed my head against an imaginary wall, thinking about how I never thought of this outcome while weighing out the possible aftermath of the decision I made. How could I be so stupid, so reckless?

I eventually gave up trying to get in contact with him. He needed time and space away from me, completely. The hole this made in my heart was deep, like a dried up well with vines that has sharp long thorns growing in them. And every time I thought about Taeyong, I am constantly being pierced by those thorns of regret and agony, pricking deeper into my skin the more I fell deeper.

It was choking me; Taeyong’s absence. I couldn’t breathe at all. I was sinking, gasping for air each time I longed for him. I just wanted him back. I wanted things to get back to normal. I wanted to be us again.

Two months have passed. It was the worst two months of my life. Worst than the exam stress I had for last year’s final project. I had university to worry about on top of Taeyong. I was mentally going through hell. And again, the worst one yet. And it was now that I realised, I’d be much better off having him as a friend than anything less. But I was selfish enough to not treasure it that way, and it’s now finally gone. Completely out of my reach.

One night, I was up. Doing assignments. Nothing’s new. Nothing’s changed. Taeyong has yet to open up to me. I glanced at the clock on my phone, groaning as I let my head fall on the table. I closed my eyes. I was too stressed. The world’s spinning too fast. I needed it to stop for awhile. My brain can’t bear this much.

As if on cue, the door bell rang while I lifted my head off the table. My head slowly turned to my room door. The bell rang again. A few seconds later, it rang yet again. Whoever’s outside was frustrated or something, jamming their fingers on the bell while saying “I’ll keep annoying you till you open this damn door.”

I pushed my chair back and walked over to the door. I looked through the peek hole. Taeyong...? I opened the door. On instinct, I grabbed him by his waist while his body fell on me. His face tilted up to meet mine. His cheeks were flushed red. His eyes were half opened and looking around as if stars are swirling above his head. He’s drunk.

“Good night. I wanna go in.” Taeyong whispered. Yup, he’s drunk. His breath reeked or alcohol as he spoke. I stood there for a moment, needing to process the current situation. At three in the morning, Taeyong showed up here drunk. I can think about why later. But now I had to figure out a way to carry his heavy body into the living room.

Taeyong wrapped his arms around my waist, sticking his body against mine. “You’re so warm.” I blinked rapidly. I looked down on him. I can’t believe it. He’s here. After two months of ignoring, he can simply show up here. Drunk, even. Worst of all, I still had the love to move along with this. The anger was still there. It’s just that his sudden presence made me forget about it a little while.

Out of the blue, like a marionette on strings, he jerkily push himself off me and staggered his way to the lviing room. I followed closely behind, not bothering to turn on the lights. I didn’t feel the need to. I sat down at the edge of the couch while he laid his body down. He giggled to himself and muttered things I couldn’t understand. I know what he’s like when drunk. Unstable, crazy, a lightweight. Will not remember a single thing the next morning.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, not even sure why. Why did I bother asking when he won’t remember any of this the next day? Well, he’s here now. And no matter what state he was in, I just wanted answers.

“To thank you. Me thank you. Mwah!” Taeyong puckered his lips in the end, eyes closed and shaking his head furiously. His fluffy hair moving along. I smacked my bottom lip and nodded. “For what exactly?”

“For getting rid of Jiung for me. She’s so annoying. I’d much rather be with you.” Taeyong mumbled, finger slowly pointing up to me. Unconsciously, I pointed back to myself too. “Me?” Taeyong pursed his lips into a thin line and nodded firmly. “Uhuh. Yes, right. Mhm.”

I kept silent for a moment. “That wasn’t really what I got from how you reacted two months ago.” Suddenly, Taeyong forcefully gripped onto my wrist, pulling me down. I let out a soft gasp, realising that my body was laying on top of his. We stared at each other for a long while, the close proximity making it so that I could feel his cold breath on my skin, sending shivers down my spine. I breathed heavily as I felt my face getting hot. Stop it. Why are you falling for him too quickly?

“Go home, Taeyong.” I whispered so softly in a calming and light tone. Taeyong whined in response. He was now pouting with his big boba eyes. He looked like a sad puppy. My heart instantly melted at the sight. I couldn’t resist. “I’m staying here.” He said in a high pitch voice, hugging me closer and putting me in an uncomfortable position for my body. Regardless, I stayed.

After two months he was finally here, and in my arms. This night might not mean anything to him but it made me feel relived. The fact that he remembered my house, my name, me. Whether it was just the alcohol driving him to do such things that are out of his control, I didn’t mind. All I needed was for him to be here. It felt good to be with him for that one night. Just one night was all I needed. It didn’t stop my anger for him about the fact that he ignored me, but I was okay with it. That night, I let it go. All I wanted was to feel such peace with Taeyong.

We ended up sleeping together on the small couch. I woke up with terrible body aches but either way, I sighed in relief when I woke up before Taeyong. I tried finding his phone, that was hidden under the crack of the cushions. I typed in his password. I memorise it like how he memorise mine. I went to his contacts and called the one person I knew.

“I have a favour to ask, Ten.” I said nervously as I watch him carry Taeyong into his car. He hummed, pulling his head out of the car and slamming the door. “Don’t tell him he went here.” Ten gave a half-shrug, nodding his head in response. “Sure. I’m not sure what’s going on between you two, but it seems like a lot. Should solve it soon.”

“Yeah... I hope so.”

16th October.

I’ve lost count on the number of love letters I’ve given you. I can’t give them to you anymore, since you don’t even want anything to do with me. I can’t blame you. I knew you’d be pissed. I was hesitant on doing it but I was so selfish, wanting you all to myself. But what can I do, Taeyong? I’ve wanted you for so long. Yet you’re so delusional of my feelings. How could you have not read any of of my letters? Perhaps you have and chose to ignore it. That’s more painful than you being upfront and rejecting me. As much as I allow you to hate on me, I’d still say this. Fuck you, Lee Taeyong.

23rd October.

I saw you at the bar. You look... happy. Without me. You act as if nothing happened. Like I never happened. I wonder if you’re just putting on an act, or are you actually okay without me by your side. Are you still mad? Did you forget about it but have gotten use to not being with me? I want to know Taeyong so please, respond. That’s all I ask from you. Fuck that. You don’t even have to talk. I just want you here with me. Whether the air around us will be filled with tension, I don’t care. What I’m going through, is not nice, Taeyong. It is punishment for my actions. But how long do I have to keep it up? How long to I have to suffer to take a breath? For you to pull me out of this mess with your forgiveness. I’m falling apart.

14th December.

Wow. It’s December already. I’m sitting at the park we go to every Christmas. We’d be freezing to death but still glued to the bench chatting about life since we just loved being out in the snow. And yet, you never got back to me. I found out from Jiung that you left the country but never said where. I miss you, Lee Taeyong. I’m tired. So tired, of constantly penning my feelings down on pieces of paper. Words I can never say to you out loud, are all in the letters in your books that you never bothered to open. I even hid one between the books of your huge ass shelf. Why haven’t you said anything about them? I know I should move on, because it really does seem like you never want to talk to me ever again. I’m losing hope, more faster than before as each day pass, wondering where the hell as you and how you’re doing. I keep telling myself “Let it be. Let him have his moment.” But I wonder if you ever think about how I’m bearing all of this as well. That without you, I might never be able to forgive myself.

I slide the notes under Taeyong’s apartment door. I knew he was out of the country. Some nights I’d sit by his door, the note in hand as I envision him in his house. I couldn’t think about what he’s doing. And I constantly ponder about it. Is he eating well? Sleeping well? Is he enjoying himself wherever he’s at? Months passed. And as time went on, I began to wonder if my letters were even worth writing. Why was I giving so much? Why am I going through such lengths, physically and emotionally, for Taeyong to be okay? Why am I bearing such emotions when it’s not even certain that I’ll be given the same in return.

I’m making a promise to myself. I’ll let go of Lee Taeyong. I’ll slowly, bit by bit, remove my feelings out of my heart. It’s not worth it, I kept telling myself. I’m meaninglessly suffering for someone who is isn’t appreciating it. So why should I go on? I loved you, Lee Taeyong. I changed my words. I loved you.

And that was the last love letter I wrote.

Along my journey to forgetting Taeyong, I suffered a lot. I was always drawn back to him. I was always willing to put my pen on paper and just write something to him. About anything. It was a bad habit that needed to stop. I had to let go years of feelings that were being pilled up in my heart. And it was something that’s extremely hard to let go. But other than my own factors, there were external, circumstantial ones as well. Whether it was coincidental or not, that was something I can never know the answer to.

I was on my laptop, casually scrolling through Pinterest to calm myself with the aesthetics of random things. Room decor, clothing ideas, handsome idols. Anything that can take my mind off my billions of overloaded projects for awhile.

I didn’t know how, but I ended up looking at quotes, Japanese ones to be exact. The deep meaning of words. Some were heartfelt while other were heartbreaking. I read them off casually till I paused at one.

‘Tsundoku— buying books and not reading them; letting books pile up unread on shelves, floors, or nightstands.’

I scoffed to myself, pinching my temples as I shook my head. It’s just like you, Lee Taeyong. “Fucking hell.” I mumbled, slamming the laptop shut. I’ve been able to not think about Taeyong for a long time now. Or at least I felt like it was a long time. I wasn’t going to let a word get me off course. I placed my laptop on the bed and went back to my study table, suddenly feeling motivated to continue as a way to distract myself from thinking about him.

Thinking that I wouldn’t be facing that state of dilemma again, I just so happen to see a quote the first thing I entered Pinterest.

‘If they were meant to reunite, they had to go separate ways.’

I was then reminded of Taeyong yet again. But I don’t think I was thinking about him as a person, but our relationship. Just our relationship. Having to part ways as a mean to reunite. That’s something I found hard to believe. Why am I having hope that it’ll happen when I highly doubt I’ll experience it? Why is my mind slowly pulling me back to the memories I have with Taeyong? I want him long gone. I want him holed up in the corner of my mind, out of sight, out of mind. But things are always popping up randomly around me, and it all reminded me of him. I feel like it’s his doing, funny enough. Constantly hinting about him with almost everything I come across.

“What the fuck?”

I looked at the Youtube home screen and what was recommended for me. One of the videos had Taeyong’s name. And his face was on the thumbnail. The title? Lee Taeyong | Freestyle dance | Paris In The Rain (Lauv) My finger moved on its own, bringing the cursor to the video and clicking on it.

As I expected, the video was taken in Paris. So that’s where he has been. He was in Paris this whole time without my notice. I was shocked to find that the video has tons of likes and view. I read through the comments. They were all swooning over Taeyong.

“Who wouldn’t?” I said to myself. I scrolled up and played the video. My eyes didn’t leave the screen for a second. I was frozen, not being able to move an inch as I watched, completely in awe. Firstly, Taeyong has his hair dyeda light ashy grey or blue. It suited him well, all too well. His dancing was immensely beautiful. Anyone would fall for him. Visuals, talent. He has it all. Dancer by day, bartender by night. He looked so free and alive in his dance. Serving the world with a hard punch with his deep emotions that were imbued perfectly into his movements.

I bit my lower lip. Fuck. I felt it. The goosebumps, the quivering of my lips. My eyes started to well up with tears. “No, this is not happening again.” The video was still playing, the music ringing in my ears but I couldn’t bear to look at the video. I was watching Taeyong, living the perfect life in Paris. What more could he needed? I clearly wasn’t in his equation. I’m completely gone, removed out of his life. No trace of my presence to be found.

The longer I think, the more I forced myself not to cry. Eventually, being weakling I am, I ended up falling deep into the harsh and intense whirl pool that is my feelings once again, a place I never visited in a long while. The feelings started dancing in my mind like butterflies flapping in unison to the soundtrack of my sadness. I could only assume that it’s what the world wants. It’s how it wants to spin, how it wants to work.

Eight months. I actually counted how long I’ve lost contact with Taeyong for. It didn’t bother me. I was trying to live a life. It’s getting better. It took a lot of baby steps. But I’m feeling a whole lot lighter now. It’s March.

I was walking back from University when my phone started vibrating in my hand since I’ve always left it on silent mode. I lifted it up. It was an unknown number. Instinctively, I chose to not pick up the call. But a few seconds later, the same number showed up on the screen. With a light groan, I picked up and brought the phone to my ear.

“Hello? Who is this?” I asked formally, waiting by the traffic light. I heard the person on the other hand breathe out a chuckle, almost like a disappointed kind. “Who the-”

“So you deleted my number?” That voice... No doubt. It was Lee fucking Taeyong. “Meet me. My home. You got ten minutes.” The call ended.

Rapidly blinking my eyes, I slowly brought down the phone. I read over the number again. It was Taeyong’s phone. Why didn’t I remember it? I used to know it. It’s one of the few things I used to be able to tell off the top of my head. “Ten minutes?” I looked at the time.

I don’t know what urged me, but I ran. I ran as fast as I could. The unknown force. It was unfamiliarly familiar. If that made sense. I was able to live a life without Taeyong. I was. I was capable of it. And that’s what I did. But at the very moment, I felt the need to see him. The spontaneous out of the blue kind of feel. It was all just pouring out of me.

I stood at his doorstep, hand on my chest and other as support for my body against the wall. Panting heavily, I tried to slowly calm myself down. I gulped, and rang the doorbell. No turning back.

The door flung open. And there stood Taeyong. He still had his ashy hair colour. His face never changed a single bit. Nor did his overall physique. He was still handsome, breathtaking. “Come in.”

I sucked my lips and sidled in timidly and warily. Nothing has changed in his house as well. The large bookshelf with the television in the centre. I started to remember the love letters. All of them are hidden in the pages of the books in that very shelf. It reminded me of my feelings for him.

I sat down on the leather couch as Taeyong disappeared into the kitchen. I kept my head faced forward, placing my tote bag down, leaning it against the couch on the floor. Taeyong came back moments later. Two plates with a slice of cheesecake. He handed on to me. “Try it.” He said.

I slowly took a bite. Chewing on it, I scrunched up my nose, placing the plate down on the table. “I hate it. Tastes too artificial.” I commented dryly. Taeyong chuckled and cleared his throat. “Knew you’d say that.” Taeyong shoved a bite into his mouth, eating it as he placed the plate beside mine. “Want to know why you’re here?”

I bobbed my shoulders. This atmosphere, the air between us. It wasn’t awkward at all. Though our words were dry and short, it felt normal. It wasn’t weird being next to him after not seeing him for eight months.

Taeyong stood up, taking small steps to the shelf. As if practiced, he pulled out one letter from a book, another, and another, and another. It was never ending. It took him at least ten minutes to slide out all the letters and placing them on the table. I silently watch, my anxiety turning up a notch with each letter.

He finally took what I hoped was the last letter and went back to sit next to me. A specific letter is held in his hand. He unfolded it, placing the paper on the table and turning it so that I could read.

It was my last love letter.

“So you knew.” I whispered, looking down, leaning forward as I laced my fingers together. I took in a deep breath, my eyes scanning down the note before turning my head to Taeyong. “Then why the fuck didn’t you do anything about it?”

Taeyong lifted the paper off the table, holding it in front of him. He reread it. Running a hand through hair, chest puffing up as he inhaled and exhaled sharply. “Because I wanted you to keep writing to me.”

“What...?” That was definitely not an answer I was expecting.

Taeyong licked his lips, smacking them before sniffling a rubbing his nose. He lets out a weak chuckle. “I liked them. From your handwriting, to your words. I felt it; your love, with each letter.” He whispered softly.

I simply couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was the explanation and truth I’ve been wanting to hear for months. This is what kept me up at night, what led me to have my mental breakdowns, the constant ‘what if’s I formulated throughout. “You just like them? Taeyong if you’re rejecting fucking do it now-” I was about to scream, but Taeyong was quick to cut me off.

“In a way it felt like you were writing a book. One just for me. That’s why I never bothered to read any other books. I just needed yours. Your... simply overpowering pain in the heart love letters.” Taeyong smiled down at the letter, hovering his fingers over the words.

“And I don’t just like the love letters. I love the author. Paris made me realise that. It took me that long. And I’m sorry for how long you needed to wait.”

“What do you love about the author?”

I could tell Taeyong was taken aback by that question. And I knew he would react that way. He still knew me well, bouncing back and giving a confident answer.

“I don’t want to sound common by saying it’s her smile, laughter, brightness. But it truly is what I love about her. All the times we’ve spent were filled with nothing but pure bliss. Serenity, is what I feel when I’m with her. Longing, like I was meant to be by her side. I’ve known her long enough to know every single detail about her, ones that maybe she doesn’t even know herself. Like how drinks two straws when she’s sad, or having the habit of twiddling her thumbs when she’s excited. Little things like those, I find them adorable. No matter what she is, a nerd, weirdo, plain crackhead, it’s... the energy, her own energy. A light and force only she could illuminate.”

I couldn’t say anything. I frozen stiff by his words. He actually meant it. I could feel it through his voice. He stuttered here and there nervously, finding words to say. But he was able to structure them in the most beautiful way possible. I had no words to say.

Suddenly, Taeyong slowly brought his hand up to cup my cheek. That one touch alone made me feel a lot of things. It was like I was hit by a huge wave of feelings all bunched up together and crashing over me. But it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle. It was overwhelming, but I was calm. I was at peace. It felt good. Just this.

He slowly and carefully swiped his thumbs across my cheeks like I’m the most fragile thing in the world. His touch was lightweight and simply serene. “Another thing the author doesn’t know about herself is that she really doesn’t know when she’s crying and spilling out tears.”

I blinked my eyes, Taeyong smoothing his hands from my cheeks and to my shoulders, placing them there firmly as his eyes stared into mine. I can’t exactly explain what I felt. But it was like the stars aligned, as cliche as that sounds.

‘If they were meant to reunite, they had to go separate way.’ I resonated with this now. I understood what it meant. Our months of separation were all for this exact moment. Both of us suffered, one trying to find themselves again while the other needing the time to realise that what’s most valuable was right in front of him. We needed that gap, for us to reunite and actually be able to love each other properly and willingly. Which definitely would not be a trouble now.