#YELL OUT THEIR MOTIVES AND FEELINGS AT YOU??

[mossytrashcan]

I hate it when people encounter quieter or mellower characters and are like “erm, where personality?” idk girl. read the fucking book. look at their actions. infer. think.

[greeneyessmize]

Lol, here I am, another wife on Tumblr with a husband saying he would not have been pissed with me if we had been Penelope & Colin. Hubs also said she didn't write anything untrue, just that Colin didn't like being called on his bullshit.

I still maintain that Colin Bridgerton is a sweet sensitive overreacting drama llama, but I still love him. Pen really has far more patience than I. I am direct and will not let conflicts fester lol. We are talking until there isn't anything left to say and shit is settled.

I would have at least gotten his stupid stubborn butt back into bed for sleep, instead of him sulking dramatically on the settee for who knows how many nights. Which would have only led to him getting increasingly more recalcitrant and overwrought.

And like... maybe talking would have taken them at least 50% out of this conflict? Like if she could have told Colin why she did not directly say Marina was pregnant in some detail or why she called out Eloise like she did? He might have understood her better than her clipped defenses to his yelling in the middle if the street would have ever allowed. Also, how many times did the girl have to apologize? She got nothing for being truly penitent.

Anyways.... that went long. Lol

[tinystepsforward]

ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".

like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!

on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.

returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body

literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence

[captain-ghost]

Doing a games art course is crazy because you'll have a story idea for a character that lives in a dangerous, abandoned world that travels through the memories of someone presumably long-gone and watches the bright memories slowly being corrupted by the influence of the outside world as you discover more and more of their life complete with compelling design choices and horrific and threatening creatures and atmosphere, only to be told you have 6 weeks and have a tight brief.

[samagrant]

I had a bout of inspiration to just ~*paint*~ literally anything and just make something for the first time in ages, then I went upstairs to make tea and now I'm laying on my bed with nothing but guilt that I haven't made anything

[fagandordyke]

having thoughts about dropping out that i know i'll get over but ugh i hate academia

[vaugarde]

i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting. 

[uni-seahorse-572]

just finished aftg and was anyone going to tell me that it's a comedy

[siena-sevenwits]

:-)

[tapedsleeves]

BTS for your fave passage from your new nate/jo por favor?

IDK if I have 1 passage that's my favorite for it tbh? the part I'm proudest of is the part after Nate presses pause, mostly because I worked really hard on it- how to get Jo to be just a little nervous about it, but mostly proud of Nate speaking up and not trying to talk over his feelings, but wanting to explain what he was trying to do. I think I threw away the original notes, but I think i just, cut out a whole section, had Nate say "I didn't like that, it felt icky." and then had Jo be like "oh. thanks for stopping that, i don't want you to feel like that. can i explain what i was going for?" while they're BOTH giving so much physical reassurance that they're both like. good and here and want to be there.

it's probably one of those scenes that reads like "he would not fucking say that" but idk, sometimes you just gotta write the healthy(ish) relationships you wanna see in the world.

also, one of the things i also enjoyed was like. Getting Nate to take naps. Even though he doesn't do it before games, he does take several naps in this fic. Because I looked at his face before the VGK game and went "this is a skeleton, this is bones. I want to feed him a sandwich and smother him to death with a pillow (force him to rest)" and yeah. sometimes you also have to write the naps you want to see in the world.

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

,

[deathlonging]

nothing like a girl in committee groupchat who is a big big fan of texting with a promise to send req materials at the most inopportune moment and just never following up to make you realize it takes surprisingly little out of you personally to just be less fucking flaky in general

[musical-chick-13]

You know, when I was 21-22, my writing was...okay. It was serviceable enough for what I needed it to do, but it wasn't great by any stretch of the imagination. But I remember thinking it was just THE best thing ever, and I gotta say I was a lot happier with that outlook.

[talkorsomething]

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

[lizardsfromspace]

Was there ever a news event in our lifetimes that the media fumbled more aggressively than Columbine. They genuinely got every single detail wrong

From reporting that they killed someone for saying she believed in God (a different girl who said she did survived) to not reporting that they sought out students of color while yelling racial slurs - on Hitler's birthday & a day after the anniversary of OKC and Waco - while promoting the idea that you have to watch out for loner bullied nerds. Even though later research shows that the shooters were, in fact, bullies themselves, who had a wide social circle, and they were, you know, Nazis motivated by racism and not the video game Doom (1993).

It's a generational fuck-up, the GOAT of bad reporting bc it's still with us. The narrative of persecution after "she said yes" is a huge reason the evangelical right is like how it is today (they made a biopic that uncritically repeated it just a couple years ago!) & they still push the idea that it's primarily victims who do that sort of thing and not aggressors & people still shared that stupid video of Marilyn Manson saying he'd "listen" until a couple years ago (though the shooters being abusive Nazi creeps would uh, not diminish Marilyn Manson's desire to befriend them, I feel)

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

What's the difference between a Sierra Leonean child and a Palestinian Child? I don't mean this in a combative way. I just don't understand the cognitive dissonance.

I appreciate the question, and you not asking it in a combative way. I guess I don't think there is a cognitive dissonance. I condemn the bombing (and have publicly called for a ceasefire since October). I have helped raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for aid to Gaza through the Project for Awesome, and I have personally donated tens of thousands more to support Doctors without Borders' work in Gaza. Equally importantly from my perspective, I'm regularly reaching out to my congressional and senate representatives to let them know how I feel about the horror of my country sending bombs and other weapons to Netanyahu's government.

If you're asking why I don't talk about Gaza every day, there are a few reasons, but the biggest one is that when I do, it doesn't seem to push people toward more organized or effective activism; instead, it seems to lead to people yelling at each other and dehumanizing each other and also parsing my words in ways that seem unfair to me. There's a lot of, "Why did he say this or not say that," rather than my motivating more attention or resources to the cause of a free, safe, and secure Palestine. I'm sure that's a problem with how I'm talking about this, but I've tried talking about it in a variety of ways and in a variety of places and always with the same outcome.

I would also argue that it is not your job to talk about tuberculosis every day (which killed over 100,000 people needlessly last month), nor is it your job to talk about the crisis of maternal and infant mortality in Sierra Leone (which kills over 50,000 people needlessly each year). There is more than one problem in the world, and I feel that my time and resources are best focused on making long-term, open-ended investments into issues that are not receiving much attention in the rich world. That's my personal approach to making change. It is not meant in any way to diminish your approach to making change, which I think is also legitimate and effective.