#Yeah this is a vent post if you hadn't figured that out

[ya-gurl-emily]

The awesome thing about college is that being there is miserable, and not being there is worse.

Nifty!

[mcu-coworkers]

Repairs

Summary: After some time apart and the right timing, Kylian decides to repair the damage he's done by all means necessary.

Pairings: Kylian Mappen x reader

Warnings: None really :\

A/n: wow its been a while very sorry to the person who requested this I cannot figure out how to respond to the tag but here it is I hope you love it! xx

Pt.2

What was once a cozy night away from the rainy weather of Paris quickly turned into one of the most painful nights you ever experienced in your life. That night was supposed to be about rekindling your relationship and reminding Kylian that there was still something worth fighting for here. But instead you were hit like a slap in the face with the reality that it was far from salvageable, and you didn't know where you both went so wrong.

“You ready, girly?”  suddenly snapped out of your thoughts by your friend you put on a small smile hoping she hadn't been standing there for long

“Oh, yeah  I‘m just fixing this piece that won’t stay down.” you said pretending to be focused on a strand of your hair.

“Y/n.” she said while reaching for the hair that was perfectly fine where it was.

“Yes?” you asked back looking at her through the mirror.

“Just because he’s in New York around the same time we are doesn't mean we're going to bump into him at the launch party. It’s a launch party. The list is limited!” she said, trying to reason with your anxious thoughts.

She was your best friend alright.

In a way she was right, it's just that when you saw those pictures of him in times square going around the day you landed you’d been on edge.

Keeping posts to a minimum, no locations, and definitely no notifications to avoid all the speculating comments asking if you two were back together or not.

“ I   guess you're right B, it's just that  I   worked so hard to be better after he left and part of that is because  I   managed to stay as far away as possible.” you said taking this moment you had alone to vent to her before you were surrounded in a club.

Sighing, your friend pulled you up and started walking you to the exit of the hotel room.

“Honey,  I   promise you everything is going to be just fine.” She said smiling when you finally decided to let all your worries go and smile with her.

----At the launch party----

You’d  had a couple drinks to help ease the nerves and so far they were helping.

As you were greeting a couple of other guests you heard a familiar voice come from behind you, “Y/N!”

Trying not to look like a deer frozen in headlights, you turned around and came face to face with Hiba, Achrafs wife.

You hadn't seen her or any of the wags since you left Paris months ago, only texting here and there but keeping it short to avoid any mentions of her husband's best friend.

“Oh my god hi!” was all you could muster to get out at the moment holding on to the hope that he wasn't here.

The more the small talk grew the more anxious you became and it got worse when Achraf walked up.

Yup, he was definitely here too.

“Y/n! How’s my favorite smartass!” he said bear hugging you in the process.

You couldn't help but laugh, he was always so full of joy and jokes.

Pulling away Achraf moved to the side and low and behold there he was.

As much as you wanted to turn away and pretend like you didn't see him you mustered up all your positive energy and walked up to him and gave him the kindest greeting in the world.

“Hi Ky, It's nice to see you.” you said, sneaking in the scent of his cologne, you missed that scent.

“You look beautiful Y/n, It's really nice to see you too.” he said with a small smile playing on his lips a bit taken back you’d been so nice to him.

He wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled you in tightly, almost like the way he used to.

Before you got lost in that world again you pulled his arms off you gently, smiled and turned back to Hiba.

Luckily for you someone called you away at that exact moment.

“It was really nice seeing you guys, we should catch up next time you guys are in!” you said and you glanced one last time at Kylian with a small nod and a smile before you were off.

Finally you released that breath of air you didn't even know you were holding and put on a smile for the rest of the guests.

As the night went on you shared stolen glances with Kylian although you tried to pretend you couldn't feel his intense stare on you every time a male approached you for longer than five seconds.

Finally, you felt like you had your fill of people and decided it was time to find a lonely balcony until your friend was ready to go.

At last you were able to find one with a nice bench that had zero strangers having makeout sessions on it.

Sitting down you admired the cold night full of shining lights and people walking, having the time of their lives.

Oh to be worry free.

“Stuffy?” you heard a voice startling you.

“ I  am so sorry  I   should have knocked or something.” Kylian said, stumbling over his own words.

“No no it's okay  I   was just really fixed on the lights  I   didn't even hear you walk up. Sit, please.” you said realizing you sounded a little demanding you looked away to hide your blush.

Quietly he sat beside you and looked straight ahead not wanting to do anything to make you uncomfortable.

“How have you been?” he asked, breaking the tense silence.

“Good! Yeah, good. Focusing on the family business you know? And you?” you asked back, still focusing on the lights.

“Good PSG is staying on top, it keeps me busy.” he said looking down at his hands frowning.

This wasn't right. And he wanted to make it right.

“I'm sorry.” he whispered, finally looking at you.

It was then that he took in just how beautiful you looked. Your skin glowing, hair long and soft, but the look in your eyes was dull no matter how big you tried to smile.

And he knew why.

“What?” you asked caught off guard finally looking at him.

And for the first time you actually looked into his eyes and you saw the same look you saw that night only this felt different.

Now it didn't feel like there was a wall between you two.

“You didn't deserve that from me, from anyone, ever.” he started.

“No ky, you don't have-” you began but were quickly cut off.

“No  I do because  I haven't been able to live with myself since  I  left that night,  I   was in a bad place with PSG, with my friends, and with myself and instead of letting you in  I  pushed you away and took it all out on you and for that  I   am really sorry Y/n.” he said putting his hand on your knee.

Tears began brimming your eyes, this was the Kylian you fell for two years ago.

He opened up and showed you who he was behind the cameras and the tabloids.

“Ky,  I forgave you the minute it was over.” you whispered, raising your hand to his chin.

“ I don't want it to be over anymore.  I  hate that word.” he said leaning into your touch.

“ I   wish it were that easy, Ky, but what you did hurt me a lot.” you said pulling your hand away.

There was no way you would allow him in that easily after working so hard to find your inner peace again.

“Mon amour, please” he whispered, feeling his heart begin to beat faster.

What if you never took him back? He was already a sliver away from becoming part of the one percent that looked at your social media pages constantly if he wasn't already.

He couldn't live with just the bits of your life shared on social media. He wanted to be a part of those posts.

“Friends?” you asked, smiling a genuine smile for the first time in a while. Holding your pinky for him to accept.

Taking what he could get he accepted.

Leaning in closer to you and taking your pinky in his he chucked.

“Friends.” he said looking down at your lips leaning in closer by the second.

All restraints flying out the window you whispered, “We’re not gonna be friends.”

“Nope.” he finished closing the gap and pulling you in making sure you’d never slip away again.

Pulling away you did have one question for him.

“How did you get in here?” you asked curiously.

“ My name was on the list?” he said in more of a questioning tone.

“The list that  I   made?” you asked, trying to hold in your laughter, this was your launch party after all.

Lost for words Kylian hid his face and cuddled himself into the crook of your neck.

“The security guard was a big fan and  I dragged Achraf and Hiba here when  I saw Bianca's story.” He said casually as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Unable to hold in your laughter any longer you bursted into a laughing fit imagining Kylian stalking social media pages to find you.

Instead of making a snarky remark you just smiled and held on to him tightly embracing the peaceful silence and your new found “friend.”

[lastoneout]

man im about to convert back to being religious just so i can pray for you. just like. a 2 month time span at LEAST where we don't see a post about you getting some new illness

(on a serious note, good luck. sounds like you're really having a rough go of it right now, I hope your health becomes more manageable in the near future)

Thank you, and yeah it's been a weird couple of months but at this point I'm just chalking it up to me being really stressed about a potential surgery I might need and that stress really fucking up my immune system. Like given that up until now I hadn't been sick with anything since 2019(yay masking everywhere and not having a job and being a disabled introvert who likes staying home) and these all being things that can Just Happen To You rather than stuff you catch from other people I figure this has to be the recent stress. Either that or I got asymptomatic covid somehow and it fucked me up, but idk, two infections and gastritis? Seems like a stress thing.

I think I'll be feeling a lot better once I can talk to my neruosurgeon and get some of my questions answered, I'm a big "nothing freaks me out like The Unknown" so I'm not good at just sitting around and waiting to get answers, actually having the answers will likely give my body the break it needs to really get it's shit back together.

Anyway sorry for the mini-vent/dump, I really appreciate the well wishes and I do think things are gonna turn around, just gotta keep on trucking until Thursday T_T

[the-one-who-lambs]

🐑🐑🐑 (3) (for the fic ask thingy in case this confuses u lmao)

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

This is... a long one. TL;DR: It took me a while but I finally, actually internalized that I don't need to set goalposts for myself and consistently move them.

Story's gonna get vulnerable and involve a few other people too. Many of y'all probably saw me go through a whole character arc but I've never really talked about how I felt about this (aside from a couple close friends).

Around July/August, I noticed my readership going down because I had just finished a big writing project and I was moving on to other stuff/trying to figure out what my next big thing was gonna be. I have always always written for myself but ngl, getting lots of consistent engagement and then suddenly not as much anymore made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, if the quality of my works were going down. I vented to a group of friends (including you lmao sorry Juliet) about it and they were like "chill it's the beginning of the semester and people are getting rly busy it's ok" and I was like "yeah makes sense" but nope, I had just plateaued and was dropping off a little for a couple months.

Around the same time, I posted about reaching some sort of milestone and got an anon (maybe well intentioned but it seemed kinda backhanded) that basically said "oh if you ACTUALLY have that many reads that makes you the most popular writer in the cotl fandom. I'm gonna place u above everyone else due to this metric I just kinda invented." And once I noticed my readership had stopped growing and just kinda leveled off/dropped a little bit it made me anxious. Sadly, "keeping others interested" with my writing wasn't really a concern of mine until this started bothering me

I did know that recognition was not the same thing as talent but silly perfectionist brain thought "oough you're the exception btw. you're just not interesting anymore and therefore you're probably not as good anymore lol"

Anyway. October rolls around. I start getting some asks comparing my writing to bamsara's, starting with them mentioning little details that sound very similar but realistically are coincidences because sometimes multiple writers see a theme/motif and we all start chewing it. Anyway, it's obvious that anon is just trying to start shit. Maybe they saw how I'd been kinda beating myself up abt my writing for a little while and tried to make me jealous of them. I don't know. It's probably not worth trying to understand tbh. I just delete the asks. I keep anons on just in case there's a genuine concern.

at this point I'm gonna interrupt to say EVERYTHING TURNS OUT OK I PROMISE and I'm not tagging you in case it's a sore spot but Sara if you're reading this I'm literally so sorry that me learning the lesson I got out of this involved you getting these nasty messages too.

Bam posts something kinda vague about how they get compared to some writers they've never read before. I hope this is a coincidence but alarm bells are going off and I keep this to myself.

Anon keeps doing this every once in a while for a few weeks; at first it looks like anon is accusing bamsara of copying me (???? like i said, we're just exploiting similar themes) and then it starts turning into basically "they're doing everything you're doing but better." Bam obviously hadn't done anything wrong, so I keep supporting them as I do the other writers in the fandom. Eventually the anon gets kinda pissy that I'm not envious or trying to tear someone else down or whatever. I've kept this mostly to myself and they don't like that.

So when they send an ask in mid-November and this had been going on for a few weeks I finally answer an ask to tell them to shut the hell up (gracefully) and then I forget about it and go to sleep. Wake up the next morning and uhhh. See Bam feels like shit because they got a really scathing message. Comments say it happened during a stream and I check it to see if it's the same anon and it is. Fuck on a stick. I literally burn myself out with anger over the next two days until I donate to their kofi as a peace agreement. They reach out and apologize for something they didn't do and it takes me until now to realize that literally nothing I have worried about over the past few months matters at all.

Anyway. It all turns out fine because we become mutuals and hype each other up. Kicker is, whoever it was forgot to turn off anon in Bam's askbox so we got to block them and I'm pretty sure they deactivated too lmao. I reached out to a bunch of writer friends and checked in with them to violently spread positivity and I've been trying to violently spread positivity as much ever since. Yay. Happy ending but sucks that this had to happen for me to crush my anxiety. Bam and I are buddies now and I've also befriended many more writers since, too. cotl writers we are unionizing.

[jvten]

homesick (a lil thing from love, decay and mayhem) (it's a flashback tho)

ELLO- so normally whenever i post snippets or oneshots, it's mainly from Beast, but today i figured i'd showcase something from Love, Decay and Mayhem which is basically My Friendly Neighborhood but in an apocalyptic setting i guess?? i dunno man i'm tired

for context, the puppets from MFN and Al Gerzwald, as well as Vi, left the studio because they ran out of supplies. they barely escaped a monster (although that isn't mentioned in the snippet cos im dumb lmao), leaving in a sky-ship they had found, and are now leaving home for the first time.

warnings: nothing too serious, just fluff and comfort because vi's feeling homesick, although she does cry a lil omg my poor baby ;A;

characters: vi (oc), ray and ricky, + gerzwald mentioned at the end, small mentions of the other puppets as well as gerzwald's wife who is also an original character

· • —– ٠ �� ٠ —– • ·

The noises and various clangs and thuds from the engine room made Vi stir from sleep, and when they didn’t stop, the fifteen year old girl wandered out of the room, trying not to let the new orientation of her bedroom in this skyship throw her off. She followed the noises until she found Ray at work tending to the engines, attempting to understand them as this was their first night operating it. The large red muppet hadn't seen her walk in.

“Ray…!’ she shouted over the cacophany he was making, covering her ears. “Ray! Ray!” Only when she called a third time did he hear her, ceasing his work on the engines. “Sorry, I— Could you maybe keep it down? I’m trying to sleep…”

Ray looked at her blankly for a second, then nodded, placing down his wrench. “You… Sleep?” he asked, as always being a muppet of few words.

Vi shook her head. “No… I don’t think I can… It’s not because of you, it’s just… I’m not used to this skyship yet.” She sighed, clutching her arms tensely.

The red muppet nodded again, allowing the two of them to exit the engine room. “You — okay?” Ray growled, noticing how much more tense the young girl was now.

“N—No… I mean, I’m… I’m fine, I just…” she stammered, feeling tears flood her eyes. And before she could get another word out, she choked out a sob, unable to hold the dam of emotions, and she broke down crying in front of Ray.

Surprised at first, the red muppet hugged her as she sank to her knees. Vi curled up into his fur, crying into him. Ray knew all too well about how she was feeling. It was the first time any of them had left the studio.

“I’m— I’m sorry,” she gasped, trying to rub her eyes but to no avail, the tears kept falling. “I just… I miss home. I miss the studio. I miss Renee and Pearl and—and Goblette and— I… I wish things could be normal again…”

Ray let out a growl of understanding, gently patting her head. “Miss… home… too.”

They spent a while sitting in the hallway, with Vi slowly settling down and Ray letting her curl up against him the whole time. Vi had hoped no one had heard her crying, she wouldn’t know what to say to them or what excuse to give… She’d hardly cried throughout her life… but ever since the apocalypse started, ever since Renee — the woman who was most like a mother to her — had left in search of other survivor colonies… Vi felt more suspectible to her own sadness. And while she only intended for Ray to know what she was feeling, it seeemed someone else would.

“Vi? Vi? Where are—” called a voice from the ventilation, and a sock puppet poked out of the nearest one. “There you are!” Ricky exclaimed, but must have realised that Vi had been crying because he crawled out of the vent and approached her and Ray. “Hey, what— what’s happening, Vi? Are you okay?”

Vi sniffed, unable to form an answer, but Ray did so for her. “Home… sick,” he replied.

“Oh…” Ricky understood immediately, and crawled up to Vi, who picked him up and let him sit on her shoulder like he always would. “Yeah, me too, Vi. I’m pretty sure we all are. And it doesn’t help with Al shutting himself in his cabin, huh?” When both Vi and Ray nodded, he chuckled a little. “I miss the studio too, don’t worry. Cos you know what?”

“W—What?” Vi stammered.

The sock puppet gently nudged the side of her face. “We all still got each other, and I think that’s still pretty good.”

Wiping her eyes, Vi eventually nodded. “Y—Yeah. I… I guess you’re right.”

The three felt themselves too tired to move to a proper bedroom after that, so for pretty much the whole night, they fell asleep in the hallway — Ricky curled up on Vi’s shoulder, with her lying against Ray who leaned on the wall. And when Gerzwald eventually emerged from his room, he was surprised to find the three of them asleep. But he figured to best not disturb them, instead draping a couple of blankets over them.

It wasn’t just those three who were feeling homesick. All of them were. The other puppets… even Gerzwald himself.

But they had each other. And that would mean a lot in the long run.

[authoroftwwm]

The Worlds We Made Chapter 1, Part 2

Maybe if school hadn't been as stressful, then he would have had the energy to sit down and learn how to communicate rather than do the bare minimum and scrape by. Now, he has to juggle a pre-college internship, learning more Common, training, and managing his emotions.

The anger management classes had usually ended poorly for the instructor, and so he was currently seeing the doctor that his caretaker wound up going to. They got along, and Matthias would frequently 'vent' his frustrations to him instead.

Seeing as how Doc always looked different every time they saw each other, they usually started out their meetings talking about whatever he was wearing that day. Today it was red hair, with a blue T-shirt and brown khakis.

"Khakis--very difficult word. You can also just call them pants. No one will dog on you for that except--"

"Augh! Its so frustrating! See, this is why I don't like learning Common from Dad! He doesn't ever understand what I'm trying to say, and assumes I mean other things! He doesn't explain shit to me! Fucking... I just want--"

"Matthew?"

"Stop calling me that, please."

"It gets your attention though." Matthias sighed. He wasn't wrong, and of course that made him angry. The question the two of them were trying to answer was why Matthias would get angry.

Doc's Notes:

Gets angry at the toaster popping up too early in the morning.

Yells at everyone in your vicinity because you have a headache.

Hates going out in public.

Turning off the lights help said headaches, as do weighted blankets.

The lightbulbs in Doc's brain exploded--thats how he imagined it, anyway. His diagnosis: "Sensory overload! Hahahahaha! I love science!"

"Yeah, great, now can you say that in terms I understand so I know what the problem is?"

"Look bro let me be excited I'll get there in a minute I'm still in science brain mode let me cool off okay okay thanks yous"

" ... I think this may be why Dad doesn't like you."

"Nah, I'm sure it cuz I'm asexual AF."

" I don't think that's it, though."

"Yeah, if that were the case, he wouldn't like you being gay."

"I haven't told him that, Doc."

"Well then how does he know?"

That's a good question.

Here is a link to Part 1!!! I haven't figured out how to format posts on Tumblr yet but enjoy!

[two-sides-samecoin]

I know I've brought it up a thousand times but I was watching season 4 and Nancy lying to Wayne is so painful. This man has found a dead body in his home, his nephew is missing and possibly committed a murder and he says he doesn't want to talk to reporters and Nancy Wheeler just comes in, lies, says her paper is small and doesn't have the staff to keep up with the big ones and she's just looking for something, anything about what happened last night. And then after Wayne says that she probably has it all figured out and she counters with "You've been talking to the post, yeah, Chuck Bailey, he doesn't know his ass from his elbow." AND THEN SHE FREAKING SAYS LET ME TELL YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY. And oh my god, it makes me so mad because she lied to this man who again just found a dead body and his nephew is missing and said that I'll tell your side of the story when it comes across that she'll never write it, especially later in the season and Nancy just uses him for information. Does she want to sell it to a bigger paper? Does she intend on publishing it in the school paper? Does she intend on writing it at all? It doesn't matter because she freaking lied to get her information, showing a lack of integrity. If she just lied once to see Victor Creel or they show her having some doubts, I would be fine. My problem isn't with Nancy doing bad things, it's about the narrative twists them into good things or ignores the bad things. Like and Nancy isn't the only character who gets the whole narrative is on their side thing, but she's never been on the opposite end. The show never shows her as wrong. Like with Robin in the library and at Pennhurst is the closest we get to Nancy realizing that she's wrong but she doesn't learn from it. She doesn't see Robin as having her own strengths, she looks annoyed when Robin makes the point that a mystical journal could have the answers they are looking for. And that's fine, but she doesn't value Robin's perspective at Pennhurst, she doesn't learn, I guarantee if they hadn't gotten in, Nancy would have blamed it on Robin's interuption, despite the fact that Nancy's approach wasn't working anyways. Anyways feel free to ignore this, this is just me venting and I have not verified a lot of the information in here except for the Nancy Wayne conversation.

lol this was a few days ago - sorry i haven’t been keeping up. anyway YES seeing nancy and wayne interact is painful! and the narrative doesn’t even fully set it in the painful manner it is- i believe it only has something sinister going on because of what is happening with fred in the background. Wayne seriously has gone through so much and the one person who he thinks is on his side: uses an agenda to get info out of him. someone who also doesn’t fully end up believing him anyway. Wayne doesn’t want to talk to anyone but then gets comforted by nancy’s words in a way with saying that she’ll post his side of the story which in grief and pain: you most likely would turn to that because you want someone to hear your side.

okay but nancy saying that fr shows me that she hasn’t learned a thing from season 3! with the elbow comment like now she’s trashing someone else professionally all to get Wayne to side with her. she’s using her personal bias of someone to get Wayne to talk about something that is traumatic to him. yeah her lying does show a lack of integrity ! it’s also like she specifically used someone’s pain to get some info (and while it did help her out in figuring this shit out- it’s like she very much used this tragedy to her advantage- hell she even lies about why she’s in the trailer park which she lies about checking up on max. which is something that she NEVER did!) same like it’s no the fact that nancy is lying - it’s more of how the narrative goes about it! they just never address it being a negative trait - it’s seen as some heroic act. it’s not! and it would be so wonderful to make it seem as some growth with her but it’s never used in that way.

yeah like nancy isn’t the only one that gets this treatment from the narrative but it’s so present with nancy! i totally agree with that about how nancy would probs blame robin for her blurt out moment if it didn’t work not realizing that her plan was bound to fail anyway like sorry but their plan was so half baked and nothing solid was coming out of that. honestly robin is the true mvp of that pennhurst trip!

[sungbeam]

𝐕. 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐄

❝sometimes i can still feel your fingertips over my skin. the soft caress of your figure in my hands—hands that have done awful things, but you never saw me for those sins committed. blood stains everything i touch, and i wish it hadn't stained you, too.❞

pairing. mafiaman!mark x fem!reader

premise. two years following the bombing of his boat, mark lee thinks you, his lover, is dead. except, when intel reaches his ears that tells him that you are, in fact, alive, he's determined to find out how you survived and why you've been hiding from him.

warnings. angst, tiniest bit of cursing, hair pulling, more vague things (💀 i apologize in advance for how long i've skirted around things and repeated the same info cri)

word count. 1.7k

MARK DIDN'T lose his temper too often. In fact, most considered him one of the most approachable and well-mannered members of the NCT family. But as many said, the kindest people were often the scariest when angry. 

After leaving Taeyong with you, Mark made his way down the hall, hands fisted at his sides and a dark shadow cast over his face. His eyes looked straight on with only one destination in mind. He usually was never one to partake in things like interrogations, but every so often, a special case would come in and cause a roaring flame of hate to erupt in his chest enough for him to stomach the blood, the screams, and the smell of desperation. He didn't like admitting it, but like every one of his brothers, he thrived off of adrenaline. 

The basement of the main NCT estate could only be accessed from one point in the house, making it extremely difficult for anyone to get in or out if they were unwanted. Vents were weight and motion sensitive, and there was always two guards posted at the basement door. Said guards, lower level soldiers in the mafia, bowed in greeting to their superior, who swept past them and hauled the steel door open. 

As one descended into the depths of the estate, it grew much colder and darker. There were a few lights held up by cables above the stairs, but that was all. The stairs led straight into a hallway of several doors: holding cells, interrogation rooms, a small infirmary—only the essentials. Not many outsiders could confirm the existence of this place, this Hell, and the majority of the people held down here never had the means to tell anyone else. 

Mark marched over to the farthest door down the block, the door closed shut. A pair of guards stood dutifully at the door and opened it for him, then shut it behind Mark to leave the two inside alone. 

B.I, head hung and black bangs in his eyes, sat strapped to a chair in the middle of the barren room. Where the chair sat, the floor was stained a macabre shade of brown-red—dried blood. It covered more than a generous area of the small room and after a while, Taeyong stopped trying to find enough time to get it cleaned. He figured it was good for intimidation tactics. 

Mark narrowed his eyes on his prey, walking forward to stand in front of him. "I'mma be straight with you: the fuck is your game?"

The assassin lifted his head to meet his eyes. They were tired, so very tired. "I don't have a game, Mark."

"So you're telling me that you took Yn and decided to suddenly appear out of nowhere with her just because?" Mark leaned over him, hands braced on either of the chair's armrests. "Yeah, I don't think so."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Then tell me what you are saying, because I know who you are, Kim, what you're capable of." He stood and walked slow, predatorial circles around B.I, trying to decide his favorite method of getting answers out of someone. It had been awhile—maybe he'd pull a Yuta maneuver. "I know who I am, what enemies I've made. My relationship with Yn wasn't exactly a secret either."

B.I shut his eyes. "And that might have been your downfall."

Mark grabbed a fistful of Hanbin's hair and yanked his head backward so their eyes met again, but with the latter's neck at a strain. "Say that again. I fucking dare you."

"She told me how much she loves you," B.I croaked. "Mark, I'm not the bad guy this time. Swear to fucking god."

Mark released his hold and Hanbin barely concealed his wince as he rolled his neck. "Would she corroborate or just spill some bullshit you force fed her?"

"If you think the truth is bullshit, then you'll hear what you want." Hanbin pressed his lips together, pain flashing across his face as he shifted in his seat. Mark briefly recalled Taeil being sent down here to patch B.I's bullet wound somewhere in his side. "Is she okay?"

"She's asleep," he said. He remained behind the chair, out of B.I's sight, as he paced the area and calculated his next move. There were things he wanted, needed, to know, but this was one of the most notorious assassins in the business. He had to play this right, especially if this was all an act. "Why isn't she dead?"

B.I stared straight ahead, as if remembering that night, too, just differently. "I got her out."

"You're gonna have to give me more than that."

"While you were asleep," he tried again, "my crew and I planned to bomb your boat." The hair on Mark's arm and the back of his neck rose with these words. "I had been planning to defect from my company for a long time, and when we were given the assignment to take you out or at least, do something to weaken you, I knew I couldn't do it. They wanted to kill both of you to send a message to Taeyong and the rest of NCT, but if Yn came with us willingly, your life would be spared."

Mark felt the blood drain from his face. The blood-soaked dawn of his anniversary, fourteen painstaking hours on the ocean waves. He could remember the way you had pulled him in for a kiss the night before when he returned to the cabin, had seen the panic in your eyes but let it go when you smiled at him with so much love it blinded him. He saw it differently now. 

"She knew you were coming for us," Mark said lowly. 

B.I nodded. "I'd been trying to keep you both alive, and she figured it out. Didn't want to worry you, so she didn't say anything."

How could you live with such a burden on your shoulders? How could you not tell him? He raked his hands through his hair, hardly registering what he was being told, and he wanted to cry for you. He thought you had died in that bomb, but instead, maybe you thought it was the other way around. 

A firm knock on the door drew Mark from his thoughts, and he strode over to answer it. One of the guards reported to him that you were awake. 

Mark thanked him then turned back to Hanbin. "I'll be back."

Hanbin didn't look surprised. Mark left the room, a rushing tide toward his shore.

Head pounding like a pulse, your eyes fluttered open. The first thing your eyes could focus on were the dark irises of Lee Taeyong, staring back at you with some mixture of concern, affection, and something else. His pale silver hair was slicked back as if he had come from a business meeting of sorts, but he sat at the edge of the bed, waiting and watching. 

"Taeyong?" You rasped, eyes dampening. 

A soft smile broke onto the man's face. "Hello Yn."

You recognized the room you laid in as a guest room in the NCT estate, usually reserved for visiting allies and family or people looking for safe haven. For a split second, the dark wood panels and four poster bed frame and orchid flowers in the corner almost brought tears to your eyes. The familiarity… it had been too long. 

You reached for your neck first, grimacing at the dry insides and the bruised outside. You could barely swallow without your eyes watering. "I'm not… dead?"

Taeyong helped you sit up, even if your body screamed at you not to. He propped a pillow behind you against the headboard then helped you take small sips of water. "Fortunately no, you're not dead." A shadow crossed his features. "However, I'm surprised you're even alive to question being dead for the second time."

"The second time?"

"You're supposed to be dead, Yn." 

For a small second, you thought Taeyong might be joking, but Lee Taeyong hardly ever joked. Not when it came to this. Your eyes widened. "But—wait." You held your head in your hands, rubbing your eyes with the heels of your palms. "I thought I saw Mark. Is he…?"

Something in you stirred for the first time in two years as Taeyong gave you a solid, firm nod. Confirmation that Mark was in fact alive, that you hadn't just been dreaming of his voice, but that you heard the real thing and saw him in the alleyway. He had saved you and Hanbin. Emotion bubbled in your chest and you let out a dry sob as you let the pressure fall from your shoulders.

"You've been gone for a very long time, Yn-ah," Taeyong murmured softly with a warm hand on your shoulder. "Welcome home."

Who knew two words could make everything seem okay again? "I saw the boat blow up," you confessed, partly in your hysteria. "Watched it explode when they took me away. They said they wouldn't hurt him, but… god, I was an idiot."

Taeyong pursed his lips. "I need you to relay to me everything that happened. Would you be up for that?"

You nodded without hesitating. This was Lee Taeyong, your brother in arms who had taken care of you like a little sister. Who had always watched over you besides Mark. 

First, before anything could be said about the past, Taeyong took care of your present. He ensured you got enough water into your system, so much so that you could feel your throat begin to slowly soothe. You asked Taeyong about Hanbin, to which the man replied with a vague "He's alive". You didn't quite know what to make of it because it could mean a couple things, but Taeyong was no liar, so you figured he would trade you, info for info. 

And when you were finally ready to tell your story, both you and Taeyong paused at a knock on the door. Your heart skipped several beats, eyes barely believing the sight before you. Mark stood at the entrance, eyes darkened by tragedy and heartbreak fixed upon you, as if leaving you would make you disappear again. 

He swallowed. "Mind if I joined you?"

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CA vs WS: The Fight For Tony Stark

A/N: Sorry for the uber long wait on the next chapter. But tada~ I left it to fade out at the end for a reason. Enjoy :)

Also I just figured out how to link the previous posts to this one so woohoo!

Part 1:  Part 2:  Part 3:

Part Four

“Hey Buckaroo, I thought we could take a drive down to the race track and…” Tony trailed off seeing Steve standing in his kitchen.

“What are you doing here?” Tony asked. It came out as a question. Not what Tony was going for.

“I wanted to see how you two were getting on. We haven't heard from you guys in awhile...Thought you killed each other,” Steve answered. He smiled a bit and Tony’s heart clenched because it was the damned boy scout smile. It lit up his whole face no matter how big or small the smile was and Tony fell for it every time.

“We’re fine,” Tony answered. “As you can see, we haven't killed each other yet. So you can go.”

“When are you coming home?” Steve asked. “We miss you…I miss you.”

Tony swallowed. “Your text said as much.”

“Damn it Tony!” Steve braced his hands on the counter and his muscles flexed. He took a deep breath. “What do I have to do to prove to you I’m sorry?”

“You can stop forcing your apologies on me for starters,” Tony answered. “You can't just waltz back in here, say you're sorry, and expect me to forgive you. Not after what you did.”

“What else can I do?” Steve asked. His voice took on a pleading tone. “You won't talk to me! You're off doing god knows what with Bucky!”

“Bucky isn't tip toeing around the fucking issue!” Tony slammed his fist against the wall and flinched at the force. “Bucky didn't leave me to go off and look for his friend, a highly skilled HYDRA assassin, the same one who killed my fucking parents! He didn't sit with me, listen to me go on and on about how I thought my father had killed my mother driving home drunk. James Buchanan Barnes, did not abandon me. Steve, goddam Captain America, Rogers did.”

Steve clenched his hands into fists. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

Tony snorted. “You thought you were doing the right thing for you.” He walked over to the bar and picked up a glass to pour himself drink.

“You’re right…” Steve said after a while. “I am tip toeing around the issue...I just want things to go back to the way they were.”

Tony’s shoulders slumped and he sighed.“Things can't go back to the way they were Steve. The things we did...We can't go back to the way things were.”

“Well why the fuck not?” Steve asked. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me anymore Tony. Tell me you don't and I will stop.”

Tony took a step back as Steve walked over to him and closed his eyes when Steve's hands cupped his face.

“Steve…” Tony opened his eyes and willed himself to stay strong. “Don't make me say it. Please.”

Steve dropped his hands. “I love you Tony. I love you so much and I, I regret the way things played out. I do…”

“But Bucky is your best friend,” Tony said the unspoken thought and Steve looked away. He ran a hand through his hair.

“And here, I thought I was your best friend too.” Tony gave him a wry smile.

“You are so much more,” Steve told him. “I would've done the same thing for you. I would do anything for you.”

“Then give me time Steve,” Tony replied. “I need time to think…”

Steve's jaw clenched but he nodded a little. “Tell Bucky I said hi.”

Tony waited until he was sure Steve was gone before he sank to the floor.

Tony isn’t drunk. He’s on the brink, teetering between tipsy and drunk. He felt warm, a little numb, the ache in his chest has gone numb which is nice. Or worrisome. He’s not sure and doesn’t particularly care at this point. If anything happens, JARVIS will alert the proper people.

He vaguely hears the door open and footsteps. Soft but firm footfalls, and whistling. Star Spangled Man With A Plan. Tony snorts and momentarily loses his balance.

“Jesus, Stark what the fuck?!”

Bucky’s there a second later. His hand gripped the back of Tony’ shirt tightly and he pulled him back on the right side of the ledge.

“Heeeeeyyy,” Tony grinned and swayed a little on his feet. “Where were you?”

“I went for a run down on the beach,” Bucky answered. “What are you doing sitting on the ledge like that? You could’ve fallen off.”

“JARVIS wouldn’t let that happen,” he held up the metal bracelets. “Perfectly safe.”

“Not the point,” Bucky frowned. “Come on.”

He led Tony back inside and shut the sliding doors behind them. He guided him to the couch and Tony latched onto his arm when he tried to leave to go to the kitchen.

“You need to drink some water,” Bucky said.

“M’fine,” Tony replied. He tugged on Bucky’s arm more persistently.

“You’re drunk,” Bucky pointed out. He relented and sat on the couch next to him. Tony loosened his grip and instead stroked the metal of Bucky’s arm.

“What happened?” Bucky finally asked.

“Iss nothing,” Tony slurred a little. He ran his finger over a vent.

“Clearly it’s not nothing,” Bucky said. “What’s the matter дорогой?”

Tony stopped when he got to Bucky’s fingers. “He’s not...It's what he's not saying.” He let go of Bucky’s hand and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What do you mean?” Bucky frowned.

Tony swallowed. “Steve...He was ready to kill me.”

“He wouldn't have killed you,” Bucky said.

“You didn't see the look in his eyes,” Tony replied. “It was pure rage…Like I betrayed him, like I was the bad guy, and he, god, I thought he was going to cut my head off with his shield. And he, he’s not even acknowledging the fact. It's like everything that happened was all sunshine and rainbows in his head.”

“Tony...I…I didn't know…” Bucky said. He looked down at his hands.

Tony shrugged. “You were knocked out...How could you?”

“That's not the point Tony,” Bucky said. “Why did you let us come back? You should've left us on the street after everything.”

“Rhodey said the same thing,” Tony replied with a wry smile.

“Why didn't you?” Bucky asked. He felt a solid weight against his shoulder and looked up to find Tony passed out.

He sighed and collected Tony in his arms and carried him to his room. He left a couple pain pills and a glass of water by his bed.

“One of these days you're gonna answer me Stark.” He ran his fingers through Tony’s hair gently and quietly left the room.

“Jarvis?” Bucky asked.

“Yes Mr. Barnes?” The AI answered.

“Is Steve still in Malibu?” He took the elevator down to the garage.

“Mr. Rogers is currently checked into the Casa Del Mar,” Jarvis answered. “Shall I load the directions to your GPS?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Bucky answered. He walked over to the motorcycle parked next to one of Tony’s cars and pulled on the helmet before getting on the bike.

The look on Steve’s face when he saw Bucky in the doorway and not Tony would forever be imbedded in Bucky’s brain. He almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

“Bucky...I wasn't expecting you,” Steve said.

“No kidding, dick,” Bucky replied. He walked past him into the room and walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed a beer. “You wanna tell me what possessed you to talk to Tony?”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asked.

“Don't play dumb with me Steve. You came and spoke to Tony and he got drunk and was ready and willing to fall off the balcony,” Bucky answered. “Christ on a fucking cracker, you can't just listen to him?”

“I listen,” Steve said.

“No, you don't,” Bucky replied. “If you listened, you would’ve realized that Tony needs space. He needs to get away from you and frankly, I agree.”

Steve crossed his arms over his chest. “What's going on with me and Tony is none of your business.”

“It is when I find out you were willing to kill him,” Bucky answered. “I never wanted anyone to die for me Steve. Fuck, Rhodey is--we messed him up. You and I. And everyone seems to think what you did was heroic and….I’m starting to realize how unheroic it really was. How messed up.”

He brought the beer to his lips and smiled a bit. “I was rooting for you too you know. After awhile I thought 'Starks just over reacting. He and Steve will get back together and everything will be right as rain.’”

“What changed?” Steve asked.

Bucky swallowed some of the alcohol, hardly tasting it, and set the bottle on the table. “I realized that if Tony went back to you, it'd be the equivalent of going back to his abuser. I mean, my god Steve. The things you said to him, what you did? I thought Natasha was exaggerating. Hell, I thought Rhodey was exaggerating because he was just pissed off at you, but you, you don't deserve Tony. Not after everything you did.”

“I did it for you,” Steve said. “To help you.”

“Maybe I didn't want your help! I would've been perfectly fine on my own if you hadn't​ started looking for me,” Bucky replied. “People would still be alive.”

“Even more would be dead if I hadn't come looking for you,” Steve tried to reason.

Bucky snorted. “Why didn't you tell Tony you knew who killed his parents?”

“Bucky-”

“Answer the question,” Bucky interrupted.

“I...Was planning on it,” Steve answered. “After I found you, after I got you help. After-”

“After you fixed me,” Bucky interrupted. “Hate to break it to you Stevo, but I can't be fixed. I'm not your good ole James Buchanan Barnes anymore. You can't just shove everything under the goddam rug and expect it all to be sunshine and lollipops. You can't just almost kill someone and expect them to welcome you with open arms. You can't expect Tony to take you back.”

“I think you should go,” Steve said after a beat of silence.

Bucky finished off the beer and left the bottle on the table. “I think you should leave Tony alone.”

He shut the hotel room door behind him as he left.

When Bucky finally got back to the house, he finds Tony in the kitchen. Bucky made it to him in quick long strides, and ignored Tony's questions before he cupped his face and pulled him into a kiss.

Tony froze for a minute​ before his hands came up to tangle in Bucky's hair as he kissed back. He let out a small groan as Bucky dropped his hands to his ass and squeezed.

“Wha…” Tony blinked when Bucky suddenly pulled away.

“I...shouldn’t have done that…” he managed.

“You sure? Cause I gotta say, I like that you did,” Tony told him. He grabbed Bucky’s arm before he could bolt. “I don’t….” He chose his words carefully. “...He already thinks we’re having sex…”

Bucky reached up and brushed some of Tony’s hair back. “You don’t want me... “

“Let me be the judge of who I do and don’t want,” Tony said as he leaned up to kiss him.

He wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck as Bucky dropped his hand and pressed against him. Bucky lifted him by his hips and Tony wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist as he started to carry him down the hall to his bedroom.