#Thinking about it more I already struggle with self worth or whatever

[ya-gurl-emily]

The awesome thing about college is that being there is miserable, and not being there is worse.

Nifty!

[obbystars]

Drown in the Deep

Synopsis: Drown your sorrows away into the deep dark ocean where it can’t be found. Feel its cold embrace and let the water in. Maybe then, you’ll see him again when you no longer feel anything.

CONTENT WARNING: The reader very much intends to die/get themself killed, detailing how they’d love to drown in the abyss.

Notes: Sebastian Solace x GN!Reader / Spoilers for Sebastian’s backstory / Possibly OOC / Established relationship, can be interpreted as either married or not but they are living together / Angst (Hurt w/ eventual comfort) / Death + blood (not the reader despite the synopsis and content warning) / Not really a happy ending honestly

(This is VERY self-indulgent I love hate Sebastian. Also a bit of experimentation and playing around with his character. I’m not so good on romance stuff, so I hope what’s here is to your liking. Also rewrote some parts A LOT due to idea change/read up on lore and realized things didn’t add up here. I think I’ve got most of it covered though. Anyway I love how a few runs of playing Pressure for the first time, I died to A-60 HAHAAAAA kill me.)

Credits: Dividers by @cafekitsune

A chance to be freed from your criminal record, and a reward worth to last for a very, very long time. As they always say, “High risk, high reward,” and the risks were certainly high. You could very much die. It was a chance anyone crazy enough would take.

But you didn’t sign up for this for the reward. You didn’t care about it in the slightest. To you, this would be an easy way out. An escape from this dreadful life fate had decided for you. So here you are, sitting in a submarine with three others in silence. There’s no telling on how deep you’re going, they never bothered to tell you how exactly far it was nor the possible dangers you’ll be facing. You’ll welcome anything if it means you won’t wake up again.

Still, you wondered why things went the way it did. Everything was fine until your partner was framed for a murder he didn’t commit. Nine murders, to be exact. You were there for the trial. You saw and heard everything. You kept your cool throughout all of it. You were hoping, praying to whatever god is out there to show them he was innocent. None of it mattered in the end.

After the trial, you went straight home, not even bothering to listen to your family who was also there. By the time you entered your shared home and locked the door behind you, you stood in silence for a while. You didn’t know what you were feeling at that very moment. You felt hot tears beginning to swell up, and your vision beginning to blur. Your legs eventually give out and you fell to your knees. You muffled your sobs with your hand as you curled up on the floor.

You couldn’t get yourself to calm down for a while. You don’t even know how long you were laying there once you feel your tears dry up and the sound of your heart beating rapidly leaves your ears. You don’t know what to do.

He was imprisoned and sentenced for execution for the nine murders you know he didn’t cause, but that didn’t matter. You weren’t there when it supposedly happened. You couldn’t prove anything. You were powerless to do anything.

Many early mornings were spent struggling to even leave the house, let alone the bed itself if you even managed to drag yourself to bed. You were too exhausted to even try for most. When you did manage to begin your day, you quickly became aware that everything is so much more irritating. People talking to you, certain noises you hear, how your food tastes… You just wanted to go back home and waste away.

As for majority of your nights, they have been spent just curled up in bed and crying until you eventually exhausted yourself. Gripping anything that resembled or had traces left of him and holding it close, hoping just the mere fleeting scent of him lulls you to sleep. Feeling the cold and empty space beside you and being reminded he’s gone, as if the reminders from your family weren’t already enough.

You know your family has been trying to contact you, sometimes even coming to the house, but you’ve ignored them every time. You don’t want to see them. You don’t want to talk, to hear, or to even think about them. You just wanted to be left alone.

A few years had gone by since then but you didn’t feel any better than before. You weren’t sure if you felt worse. Maybe it was because you felt numb nowadays.

Before you knew it, you soon find yourself behind bars. What you did, you don’t know. If you really did it, you didn’t care. You don’t know how long your sentence is, but you don’t care. You don’t know if whatever you did caused any deaths, but you don’t care. You don’t care anymore. You just wanted to drown in your despair, and this… “job offer” seemed promising. Retrieve a crystal deep inside a facility hidden in the deepest parts of the ocean.

To be so deep underwater to where the sun does not shine, to drift endlessly as water fills your lungs and it becomes so unbearably cold. To where you can’t feel anything anymore, not your body nor your emotions. To just feel the cold water and see nothing but darkness as the water pulls your body to wherever it so desires. Perhaps your remains could become the next meal for whatever lurks in the ocean’s abyss. Your body would never be found. You’d be gone without a trace.

So you signed up, knowing they don’t expect you to return. You don’t either. You don’t plan on getting that crystal, and you don’t plan on returning alive.

The shotgun shell directed at your neck on the diving gear given to you seemed promising as well.

If there is an afterlife, maybe you can see him again there. That sounded nice. You just wish you weren’t sent down with three other people. You never thought it’d be so hard to die in a place where risks of death were incredibly high. Perhaps it was because they wanted to use each other to get the reward for themselves, so they kept each other alive as long as possible. Covering each other’s eyes when the shark was outside the window, turning off another’s flashlight when an odd black figure appeared in the dark, saving each other from the creature inside the lockers… They weren’t going to let such easy bait be killed so easily, not this early.

Still, you strayed close behind as they often checked if you were still there. You kept your head low, until you heard another pair of footsteps from behind you.

Strange… The other three are already in front of you… And they’re just looking through drawers for anything useful.

The footsteps are getting louder and faster. You turned around just in time to see a strangely humanoid, armless figure running at you. It yelped the moment you locked eyes on it, immediately turning tail and running away.

“What the hell was that?!” One of the other expendables exclaimed.

Both of you walked back into the previous room to see where it possibly came from. There was a hole in the wall, shaped exactly like the creature they just saw.

“So they’re really in the walls, huh…” they then lightly punch your shoulder, “Hey, good job. I didn’t even hear it until it made that weird sound before it ran off,”

You say nothing.

“Come on, let’s keep going,”

You looked at them as they rejoined the others then back at the hole. You wished you didn’t turn around.

After a few more doors, the lights suddenly flickered. The one closest to you grabbed you and had you hide in a locker. Maybe they picked up on what you’ve been trying to do. You did willingly look into the eyes of the shark just outside the window, and they had to cover your eyes and drag you along with them. You also opened a locker that was already occupied by a strange creature coated in black and, what you assumed were, purple eyes. You hoped they’d leave you behind to be devoured by it, but you were pulled out and was patched up as best as they could do it. The damage wasn’t too severe, but still. There just had to be a spare medical kit in the room.

Maybe you weren’t being so discreet about it.

There were only three lockers in the room you were currently in and none in the room prior. They pressed on to the next door ahead. You were about to open your locker to step out into the path of the oncoming creature, but it zipped by you in an instant. It was much faster than what you’ve been dealing with.

You hear the others leave their locker followed with a quick flash of the flash beacon. You slowly step out of your locker and follow them into the next room to meet up with the other person. The one in front of you pulled out their flashlight, but ended up tripping over something. You stopped walking as they shine their light over what made them trip.

It was the one who ran ahead to find a spare locker. There was no blood or any signs of injury, but they weren’t moving and their eyes were still wide open. The other two tried to get them to respond, even shaking them, but they remained unresponsive. It was almost like they were just left an empty shell.

You restrain yourself from speaking as you would’ve called them an idiot for giving up a hiding spot in favor to make sure their bait stayed alive for a little longer, only to get killed in the process. Only 27 doors have been opened. Surely not all of you can survive much longer.

By the 35th door, one of them had used a code breacher to open a door without the keycard. Once the door slid open, a large creature with a smiling grey mask was seen on the other side of the door. Before they could react, it lunged towards them and instantly killed them on the spot before retracting their hand as it gets caught in the door while it was sliding shut. The blood splattered all over the floor and even reached you and the other expendable beside you.

By the 47th door, the lights flickered as you searched through a room off to the side. You can hear what you can describe as a distorted chorus faintly echoing down the hall, and soon a loud scream followed with multiple banging against a locker. The noise stopped as you walked to the door leading back to the path you’re supposed to take and you only see the aftermath. A fresh pool of blood and a destroyed locker. There was no body. The creature responsible is no where to be found.

You were alone now. Finally.

You kept your head low as you continued on, not bothering to search through the drawers for anything. Your body is starting to ache at this point. You opened the 50th door leading into a dimly lit corridor.

“Need to stock up?”

You looked up as you see the vent’s cover fall over. You turned around, then back towards the vent. You can see the next door ahead that requires a keycard, but you can’t find it from out here. You didn’t have a code breacher either as the others you were previously with had used them up.

“Come on, I won’t bite,” the strangely familiar voice beckons.

Had he not spoken twice, you would’ve thought you were hallucinating. Or maybe you are right now. A sort of “false hope,” so to speak. Not to mention how you can just barely recognize the voice. You’re having a hard time processing it after everything.

With no where else to turn, you walk to the vent and slowly crawl through. The room was dark, but lit up as you made it to the other side. You managed to get a good look at him, not exactly expecting some sort of fish-human hybrid.

“Ah, there you-” you see how his smile quickly disappears and his eyes widened once he sees you.

You only stare at him, tilting your head slightly to the side. He looked like he had just seen a ghost which wouldn’t be so far off considering what you had to witness for the past 49 doors, but why was he looking at you like that? He cautiously lowered himself down, close enough to your height but still far enough for some space.

You instinctively, though slightly, moved away as his hand moved closer to your face. That was until he finally spoke.

“[Name]..?”

You stepped back upon hearing your name leave his mouth. You narrow your eyes at him, “How do you…?”

Then it finally registered in your head. You’re not just hearing things, that voice was his.

Your eyes widened, now feeling his cold hand against your cheek, “S-Sebastian?“

“Yes…! Yes!” He nods, smiling widely, “It’s me!”

You couldn’t hold back your tears at all. The moment he confirmed it was really him was what finally broke down your walls. The last time you had cried this much was when he was to be executed. You had to hold onto his hand to keep yourself standing. He seemed to sense that as his third limb pulled you closer to him and held you in a tight embrace. You buried your face into his shoulder and sobbed until his grip on you got a bit too tight.

“W-Wait, Sebastian-!” You cried, “Let go!”

He gasps, immediately pulling away. You winced as you gently rubbed your arm. You looked up at Sebastian again and smiled.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you’re still alive. I have so many questions. Can I-?”

Sebastian stops you there, “Hang on. Before I get to answering your questions, I have one tiny question for you,” he suddenly towers over you as he yells, “How the hell did you get here?! And why the hell did you sign up for this?! Didn’t they tell you the risks? That you could very much die?”

You jumped at his sudden change in tone and almost fell back. His tail had went to cover the opening of the vent in case you ultimately decided to make a run for it. What do you even tell him? That you signed up just to die? No other reason. How could you tell him that?

“I-I… Well, yes, they did. I just- It’s because…” you don’t know what to say.

“Tell me the truth,” he demands. You swear you heard a hiss in his voice, “Of all people, why did you have to end up here?”

“I signed up for this because…” you paused, “Specifically because I wanted to die. I knew what I was getting myself into, Sebastian. They didn’t tell me anything specific,”

“Of course those idiots didn’t…” He scoffed, “They don’t expect you or the others to return,”

“I never planned to. I couldn’t care less about this so called crystal they told me I was supposed to retrieve,” you looked away, “Honestly, I don’t even remember what I did to end up here… Maybe I did something that killed a few people, or maybe I was framed like you,”

Sebastian calmed down a little and had moved back as you spoke. He repositions himself so that his back was against the wall and his tail would nudge you towards him.

“You said you signed up with the intention to die here,” he then says, “Why?”

You sit beside him as his tail slightly curls around you, “You were sent for execution and confirmed to be dead. I just couldn’t live with the fact that I couldn’t see you,”

His looks at your bloodied clothes and noticed bandages through some of the holes in your uniform. He points to it, “Are those..?”

“It’s from this weird black tentacle creature in a locker. It’s nothing too serious, if that’s what you’re wondering,”

He muttered a name you didn’t quite catch and he quickly moves on, “And the blood?”

You shake your head, “It’s not mine,”

He lets out a sigh of relief at that. It was finally your turn to ask questions.

“Sebastian, how did you survive?”

“Was picked up by Urbanshade before I was supposed executed. Guess they decided it’d be better if I was officially declared dead,”

“And you became this during that time?”

“You could say that. It’s, uh… It’s a long story,”

He doesn’t want to discuss it and you knew that was the case. So, you didn’t question it further. You have a good feeling you may have an idea now that you noticed a document on the table. Whatever was in there might have the answers to most of your questions, but you’re not sure if you even want to read it if he lets you. The mere thought of what could be mentioned in there makes you sick.

There’s still one other that you desperately want an answer for.

“We’re… not leaving this place, are we?” You questioned, not looking at him, “At least, I’m probably not thanks to this diving gear… One shotgun shell pointed directly at my neck, and if I even try to take it off, tamper with it, or leave this place,”

You stopped there. Both of you knew. Sebastian didn’t say anything for a moment, “I can get both of us out of here. I just need more time,”

More time. How much more time before your body can no longer keep going? You want to believe him, you really do, but you really might actually die here.

How ironic. You came here because you wanted to die. You watched the others die before your very eyes without much of a reaction. All of a sudden, you feel your stomach drop.

You’re afraid to die.

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[azulsluver]

Ur bully au is so good I could slurp it up but it got me wondering

How would all the students react to the reader just. trying to kill themselves because of the endless torment? would they keep harassing? would they say something about it? or would they tone it down? I must know because If I was in that situation i know damn well unaliving myself would be the first option

There’s more than one asking but ima just get this over with

tw. yandere, attempted suicide, suicide, cutting, bully!characters, mentioned torture, humiliation, blood, slight gore, neglection, fucked up reader (deadass).

Here are some thoughts and reactions bellow!

When asking, what role does this character do in this so called ‘bully!au’? You have to look at a deeper perspective of how each person behaves, what the intention is, and how it’s done.

So when the subject of suicide is involved it can get confusing depending on what caused it. Self worth is hinted in the reader, insecurities are brought and laughed at because it needs to hit a spot. Because YOU have feelings, watching it be stripped by people in far greater power than you, people with money, influence, and within number. Standing up to a bully is difficult, the struggles you go through should’ve been realistic.

When push comes to shove, they’re not all coming for you. If you enjoy the idea of every character ruining your life— that’s fine— but, it’s usually one or three. I think it’s childish, when I first made this AU, some sort of amusement in finding hurt but comfort when writing, they’re not trying to kill you, you know. You just catch their eye, more than they could like. Rejection is one thing, but another is a fair game of a sadistic approach. Whether they verbally or physically abuse you is up to place bets on what kills you.

For NRC years, yes, they constantly nagged and followed you around. But the times they would actively seek you out would be less than you think, the focus on bullying would be isolation. They don’t have to hurt you everyday. Some time for yourself to heal and think over your situation. What would you eat? Would they play nice and ignore you for tonight? Did your look piss off someone from afar? Let them cheat off you! Don’t be such a bore, it’ll all go back to just you and Grim.

If you picked up self harming, it’s noticeable. Hiding it is nearly impossible. They grab and bite at you already so what makes you think hiding was a good idea? It’s nasty and unplanned, miss them? Miss their touch that you havta recreate it? It’s horrible to mention, but caring really depends on who calls you out.

I can say you like it. Or you fucking hate it. You hate, hateee, how they treat you. You crawl on all fours for them to laugh and pat your head, do a dare and lick off from their hand but money is involved.

What did you do, was it simple, messy, perfect headshot if you will. If your need to die was to simply hurt them in any way— it might work. Poor them, they can’t imagine being away from you for too long. Some are more uninterested than the others. Who gives a shit you died? Whoever had the luck of finding you, dead or in the act, serves a purpose of letting you live or die. Cruel as they may be, you tug at a couple of heart strings.

Let’s say it was an attempt:

Sprang into action, either holding you down or taking whatever object you’re using to harm yourself. They’re gonna make sure this doesn’t happen again, you gave them quite the spook. Have fun being watched 24/7, and if they couldn’t, everything will be baby proofed for your safety, isn’t that nice, they care. Thrash all you want, screaming and crying won’t get you anywhere, but they’ll bite their tongue once and a while to prevent this from happening.

Trey, Riddle, Azul, Vil, Jack, Deuce, Sebek,

Oohh…he’s so sorry. Please forgive him, crying on his knees and rubbing his head against your chest. It doesn’t matter if the blood stains his clothes, you nearly died and he feels awful. He promises so many times for harm to look the other way, twisted, yet unavoidable. Trapped in a tight, monitored schedule were his scent and voice is all you’ll ever need. But at least there’s a change of heart, your health is improving and that’s all that matters to him, but speak to him, he wants to hear you.

Silver, Malleus, Kalim

Should he have stopped you, but what good will it do for him? Frozen in the moment, their bodies do the thinking, rational, to prevent you from escaping them. You’re funny, reaaal funny, got good jokes at time. But, he’s not really laughing. A little, but it’s hysterically funny and scary. Because he’s still so rough, even when he apologizes yet calls you stupid, his fingers hurt you more than whatever you had planned, gripping, as if you really died.

Jamil, Ace, Cater, Ruggie, Leona, Idia, Floyd, Epel

Does it hurt? Did you find your ulna? Was the rope too tight? It feels like he’s only here to see the end credits, the finale. The sick fuck is smiling too, gross. Giving up just leaves you with him by your side, pressing it deeper to help you get the job done…just kidding! That was quite a show you put on, this is why he likes you. Being responsible of another’s cause of death isn’t ideal, so he’ll try to watch you as of now.

Lilia, Rook, Jade

From that list alone you can guess who’s to mourn, and who savors what is left. Death is inevitable. Everyone dies one way.

[universalitgirlsblog2]

🧼🤍DROP THE OLD STORY NOW !!🧼🤍

🧼Do a favor to yourself, please drop the old story now!!!Stop complaining , stop persisting in the old story. Focus on the new story, replace the old story with the new story. The new story where you get everything you want and have all your desires. The more you are repeating the story , the more dominant it becomes, and you continue to manifest the old story in your reality.

🤍If you are repeating the old story , you are also consciously or unconsciously putting yourself in the victim mentality. Please realize that you are the creator of your reality, the old story has no control over you , you have control over the old story. Let's say , you want to manifest appearance change but you keep repeating the old story , do you think you will manifest the new story or your desire by continously repeating the old story ?

🧼The dominant story manifests - if your old story is more dominant than the new story then your old story will continue to manifest and vice versa. Now how do we make the new story more dominant than the old one ? According to me , you must affirm to remind yourself of the new story , in other words , affirm to remind yourself that you already have your desires. Mental diet is always helpful , focus on the new story more. ( click me to know more about mental diet !) The more you affirm that " you are chosen " the more dominant " you are chosen" story will manifest in your reality.

🤍If you have read my previous post ( click me !) where I mentioned the difference between conscious and subconscious mind, our subconscious mind is emotional and can't differentiate between what is real and what is fiction.Our subconscious mind is our naive friend who believes whatever we tell them.We should use this to our advantage. "Your subconscious mind is like a bed of soil that accepts any kind of seed , good or bad . Your thoughts are active;they are the seeds. Negative , destructive thoughts continue to work negatively in your subconscious mind. Sooner or later, they will emerge and take shape as an outer experience that corresponds to their content" -Dr Joseph Murphy, The power of subconscious mind

🧼For instance, you want to manifest clear skin but you keep seeing tiny bumps on your skin. Don't complain about it or react, tell yourself how you have the most clearest skin in the universe!!! What tiny bumps ?? Your skin is so clear that even WONYOUNG IS JEALOUS!! or let's say you want to manifest a good self- concept, to manifest good self- concept , stop complaining about your old one! If you aren't telling it to anyone but telling yourself about how you have it all and everything always works out for you. You aren't only creating a new self concept or a new story , you are rewiring your subconscious and the 3D reality into becoming what you want. Stop telling yourself the old story , it doesn't exist. Only your new story exists where you have everything you want.

🤍Sometimes you may need to push yourself to affirm the new story. Leaving the old story may cause discomfort but it's totally worth it ! Don't allow the old story or the unwanted 3D reality to take the best of you. You deserve a good life, you deserve to be happy ! 💗

🧼Be delusional, you have your desires because you said so !! Anything is possible , there are no limits. You are limitless !!

🤍It's okay to react , waver or doubt yourself but it's not okay to stay there forever. Feel your emotions, but get back on track.

🧼One more example , suppose you aren't chosen and struggle with rejection. In order to be chosen , feel being chosen. Affirm . Embody it. Whenever you get thoughts like you are not chosen by your desired person or friends or school or college etc, reject them.Ask yourself why you are feeling this way ? Know that you and only you can change this feeling and turn it to your desired feeling. According to me , affirmations work the best. Affirm . Even if you only repeat one basic affirmation - " I am chosen " , it will work. You need to make the " I am chosen " story dominant. The more you focus on it , the more dominant it will become and manifest in your reality .

[stonedcoldfoxtarot]

Channeled messages & songs about your FS, future wedding and honeymoon (18+ tarot)

Pile 1 -> Pile 2

Pile 3 -> Pile 4

Pile 1

You & Your FS

You and FS may be financially well off but if not they will work hard in the future to provide you with a lot of the finer things in life. Your spouse may be very traditional when it comes to marriage and may have been taught from a young age that a real man, as they define it, is someone who works tirelessly to provide for his wife and kids. You and your FS may both be self employed as well as self-made, and will both be proud of each other’s success. I see that you really admire and look up to your FS, and they look up to you as well. Some of you may also end up going into business together or you may already be working on projects that overlap in some way.

It seems that one or both of you could be from a lower-income or working-class background, or one of you may have had some money issues in the past. Because of this, your FS will make a promise to you (most likely on your wedding night) that they will do whatever it takes to continuously provide you with the financial stability and security that one or both of you lacked when you were younger.

To be clear, your FS values money more than anything, but they don’t value it more than you. They would trade everything they own to be with you. To them, you are worth more than anything money could ever buy, and they will make sure you know that despite their busy schedule you are the most important thing in their life, always. They might even say to you or others that Man makes the money, money never makes the man. Still, I see your FS may have a demanding job or struggle with workaholic tendencies, but I feel you help balance them out and encourage them to let go of the need to control. You show them how to relax and enjoy life without worrying and stressing about deadlines, client meetings and quarterly earnings. You help them stay present and focused on the day to day, and this is why they feel they could never let you go.

Your and your FS will be so head over heels in love with each other, Pile 1. This could also be a twin flame or high-level soulmate connection.

The Wedding

Okay, here I see that one or both of you could be working right up until the day of your wedding.

Pile 1, you may be someone who is naturally curvy or thicc and your FS loves this about you. When they see you on your wedding day, they are going to lose their minds. They thought you were fine af before but when they see you in your dress, they might say fuck the ceramony lets go outside real quick😭

I’m seeing your FS will be blown away by how you look on your wedding day, Pile 1. They might even cry when they see you walking towards them. They feel so lucky in this very moment, and may be overcome with joy, thanking god or the universe for blessing them with your love. At the altar, they might lean in and tell you that you take their breath away and that they can’t wait to get you back to the telly later tonight. When your FS sees you in your dress, all they will think about is how quick they about to take it off you.

I also see that one of both of you may come from a religious family (roman catholic, orthodox, jewish, islamic etc) and so you will most likely have a traditional ceremony to appease your parents, however, I don’t see either of you being particularly religious (although some of you could be somewhat socially conservative). Overall I see your wedding ceremony being pretty short and sweet.

Wedding Night:

Pile 1, your FS is SO in love with you. Just the thought of spending the rest of their life with you by their side turns them on like crazy. On your wedding night, your FS will take the time to show you how much you mean to them. For some of you, they might tell you before you make love, that they have money set aside for you guys to start a life together (maybe they kept this from you in the past?). They want you to know that, from this moment on, they are solely devoted to taking care of you. I feel like your FS will be in a rush to get you naked but will want to take their time making love to you for the first time as husband and wife. They will want to be as physically and emotionally close to you as possible. They wanna go deep inside you but they will also want to touch your soul. They want to connect to you in a way that you’ve never connected with anyone else before. I’m seeing a room covered in rose petals with soft music and champagne on ice. Your FS is very meticulous by nature and will have given precise instructions to the event planner or MOH earlier in the day about how they want things to look for you when you arrive. They really want this night to be the best of your life (so far).

You or them, or both of you, could also be a water sign or have heavy water placements in your chart.

Pile 1, some of you may get pregnant on your wedding night even though I don’t think you set out for it to happen that way. I feel that you and your FS will get so caught up in the moment and neither one of you will want to stop or for them to pull out. I also feel that your FS already made up his mind that they were going to finish inside you as soon as they saw you walk down the aisle. I heard “fuck it we’re married now.”

Honeymoon

I see that you and your FS will do a lot of traveling on your honeymoon, especially by plane. You both may love to travel and visit foreign places so I feel you both will use this trip as an opportunity to see a few places on your wishlist. I also see that even though you and your FS may have planned out your trip together, your FS will end up adding in a few surprise destinations or reservations just to put an extra smile on your face. They will love to spoil you and gift you things as well so expect lots of unforgettable experiences that your FS will surprise you with such as shopping sprees in Paris or Milan, a hot air balloon ride over the desert or a couples massage on a private yacht off the Mediterranean coast. They really want to make your honeymoon unforgettable and I see them being wildly successful in doing so. You both will have the best time of your life.

Pile 2

You & Your FS

I sense that some people in this pile might already have kids with their FS or have kids from a previous relationship. If you are a parent, they are so excited to be a part of your child’s life. They will love them as their own.

I see that you and your FS are both a little on the shy or apprehensive side. Neither of you like to rush into anything or make decisions on a whim, so the decision to finally tie the knot was not made lightly. Between the two of you, your FS may be more outgoing than you Pile 2, but overall you compliment each other quite well. You are both very committed to making this marriage work.

One or both of you may wear glasses.

I feel that you and your FS feel like “only fools rush in” but you both fell for each other the minute you laid eyes on each other. It really was love at first sight. For some of you, I feel like you may already know this person or dated them in the past. You may have been childhood friends or had baby crushes on each other as kids/teenagers. You both might think that finally tying the knot is this big huge thing you’re rushing into, but everyone else is saying “about damn time!” Everyone who sees you two together just knows you are meant to be together.

The Wedding

Again, I see that you both may have been nervous about taking this step together but you guys will finally take the leap! I keep seeing two people holding hands, about to enter their reception. One of you looks at the other and says, “You ready?” It’s like you’re stepping into a whole new world for the first time together. You both take this step very seriously. I see that, right after you exchange vows, your and your FS might sneak away from everyone to hook up in a dressing room or bathroom. To your FS, you look too damn good in your dress or tux and they cannot wait any longer to make things “official.”

Pile 2, your FS might call you ‘babe’ or ‘baby’ a lot. I’m hearing “Don’t be nervous, I’m right here babe.” This person is your rock. They will be there to hold your hand whenever you need them. Nothing is more important to them than your love and your happiness. I see your reception being lit, full of family and friends who love and support you equally. You will both dance and celebrate the night away, almost feeling sad when it’s time for the last dance. Your wedding will be a night to remember in more ways than one.

For some this could also be a destination wedding or take place outdoors near a beach or body of water

Wedding Night

I’m seeing lots of laughter and silliness as you make your way back to the honeymoon suite. They might insist on “carrying you across the threshold” but may not be able to or end up bumping your head on the wall since you’re both pretty tipsy from the reception. But you will find it adorable how seriously they’re trying to observe this tradition.

The room will be gorgeous. I’m seeing floor to ceiling windows overlooking a body of water. Lots of fairy lights and tea candles dimly light the room. You are so touched by the view, it may bring you to tears. I also see that some of you might have decided to wait until your wedding night or maybe you didn’t go “all the way” in the past or it’s just been a while since you’ve really made sweet love to each other. This first time will be electric. Better than either of you could have ever imagined.

I’m seeing someone take their time to undress you. Kissing your neck and shoulders as they fiddle with your buttons or zipper. They want to go slow and savor each moment. They might have a little stamina built up since you guys could have fooled around after exchanging vows by giving each other oral or using your hands.

I keep hearing “ladies first.” They want to make sure they give you multiple orgasms before finally releasing themselves. Tonight, it will be all about pleasing you. They might give you a massage first. Your FS could be very good with their hands due to their occupation or they might work in medicine/physical therapy and be well-versed in human anatomy.

I see lots of aromatherapy here as well. Your FS may be big on creating a mood or a vibe for every occasion. They might do such a good job helping you relax that you may accidentally fall asleep lmao. But they will keep going. Rubbing you from head to toe until every muscle in your body is attended to. Once they finish, they will gently turn you on your back and kiss you while they slide inside of you.

This might take you by surprise and for some you, you might climax right away. They will tell you how beautiful you sound when you moan. They will also love how you say their name and how you beg them not to stop. Your FS will live to please you.

I see that even though they normally like to go hard and fast, on your wedding night they will go slow for you. To them, this night is supposed to be more about making you happy than about getting themselves off. Of course you both will eventually climax together and afterwards they may fall asleep inside you, holding you as you sleep. At some point your FS might wake up in the middle of the night and start fucking you again while spooning you.

I see lots of whispers between kisses about how much you love and cherish each other. Very beautiful energy.

Honeymoon

I don’t see a lot of travel here. As I mentioned, this may be a destination wedding so some of you are already at the place where you will spend your honeymoon. For others, you may be staying local due to other commitments such as kids, family, work etc, or postponing a big trip for a later date.

Your FS is addicted to your sex, Pile 2. They come alive when they are inside you (or you inside them, flip the roles as needed). They might also be into sex in public places such as quickies in the bathroom, head while they’re driving or sex on the beach at night. Something about the thrill of being caught really gets them going. You may both also be very handsy with each other on your honeymoon and others around you might be thinking “get a room!” but you both couldn’t care less.

This person loves the way you give them head. They think you’re the throat goat, Pile 2. They lose their mind when you do that thing with your tongue 👅💦 And they especially love when you get freaky with them in the car. On your honeymoon, I see that you and your FS might spend a lot of your time driving to different locations such as restaurants or bars and they will take every opportunity they can to talk you into pulling your panties to the side before you get out of the car. They truly cannot get enough of you.

Pile 3

You & Your FS

If you are a woman, you might have short hair or your FS may have longer or shoulder length hair. Here, I see that you and your FS may be somewhat unconventional, but you both pull it off well.

I also see that you or your FS may have fantasized about this connection for a long period of time before actually going on a first date. I feel that one or both of you may have been off limits to each other at one point. You or your FS could have been with someone else when you guys met, so things stayed in the fantasy realm for some time. One of you never thought you would actually be walking down the aisle and exchanging vows with someone you consider to be your best friend, but here you are, finally!

I’m seeing here that some of you may have been in the system as a child or one of you is rebuilding your life after struggle. One or both of you may be on the road to recovery in some way, but you both act as each other’s rock or guiding light in hard times. This is a connection that truly embodies the phrase “for better or for worse.”

The Wedding

The wedding is small and intimate. You may even elope. I see one or both of you may have a lot of tattoos. On your special day, Pile 3, I see you wearing a fitted sleeveless dress and everyone around you is in awe of how beautiful you look. You and your FS’s wedding attire is understated but it fits your aesthetic perfectly. Neither of you enjoy big parties or being the center of attention; you keep the things you love closest to your heart.

One or both of you may write your own vows. If not, I feel like the other person, in a moment of closeness between the two of you, will share their deepest, most vulnerable feelings with you through something they've written or recorded. They want you to know that they don’t plan on going anywhere. You mean the world to them and they feel they would be lost without you.

Some of you might go get matching tattoos on your ring fingers after the ceremony. You both prefer sentimental gestures over grandiose displays of affection and might have a lot of inside jokes or references between just the two of you.

Your wedding day will be low key, but I see this is exactly how you wanted it to go. You and your FS would rather take the money you would spend on a big wedding and put a downpayment on a house or use it to take a once-in-a-lifetime trip for several weeks. You will see the wedding as a formality or paperwork to make things legal on paper, since you two have been loving each other silently for many years before your hands even touched. You know this person is it for you and they are just as sure about you.

Wedding Night

Pile 3, I see that you and your FS will kiss and dance together under the moonlight or in a room with a beautiful view of the sky, just the two of you. You will kick back and enjoy each other’s company deeply. You or your FS may feel like you rescued them. Lots of mirroring energy here.

This person will be mesmerized by the way you look. They think you’re absolutely breathtaking and have felt that way since they first laid eyes on you, but there’s something about the way you look on your wedding night that will have them all the way in their feelings. They may be rather quiet, just caught up in rapture by you and this unforgettable moment. They feel so utterly blessed and like the luckiest person on the planet. They feel like the sky opened up just for them and blessed them with something they’ve always prayed for.

For some of you, this may be a later in life marriage or you both never thought you’d find someone you actually wanted to walk down the aisle with. I keep hearing “Is this really happening?” They almost don’t wanna close their eyes just in case they’re only dreaming and they accidentally wake up.

Your FS will be in heaven in your arms. They want to cherish this moment forever. You guys might not even have sex on your wedding night, simply because you end up talking or holding and cuddling each other until the sun comes up. They feel like there’s no rush because you have the rest of your lives to make love to each other. Your FS might really be into morning sex, so even if you end up falling asleep before consummating your marriage, they will wake you up the next morning with the most mind-blowing sex you’ve ever had in your life.

They are ready whenever, but it’s something about sex first thing in the morning with their soulmate that will have them ready to give it to you long and hard. I see they are very skilled at making you climax back to back. You FS, regardless of their size or gender, gives serious big dick big daddy energy. You will have multiple orgasms back to back, while they do everything in their power to hold back and make this moment last as long as possible. They don’t wanna pull out EVER.

Honeymoon

For the honeymoon I’m seeing a road trip? You guys might rent an RV or decked out van and take a few weeks off to travel around your country, city or state. One or both of you may have pets that you wouldn’t dream of leaving behind for several weeks, so you found a way to sightsee and explore while bringing them along.

For the rest of your honeymoon, I see you both making love mostly in the morning or in the shower. Your FS might be someone who knocks out early or has a hard time staying awake once their head hits the pillow, but once they wake up and see your beautiful face laying next to them, they will get so turned on and want to put their pent-up sexual energy to use right away. And I don’t see you minding because to you there’s no better way to start your day than by making love to the man or woman of your dreams.

I see lots of outdoorsy stuff here. Lots of exploring, hiking or taking photos in front of cheesy monuments that you will look at and cherish for years to come. I see you two visiting kooky places or tourist traps along your trip as a way to create once-in-a-lifetime memories. I also see that your spouse may be a few years older than you so they might have trouble keeping up with you at times, but they will do their best. Before you, they may have felt that their life had little to no meaning but now they know they were born to love and cherish you. You two are true soulmates, in this lifetime and the next.

Pile 4

You & Your FS

Pile 4, at the time of your engagement and wedding, I see that some of you might be finishing up an advanced degree or will have just graduated from school. You will feel like you have your entire life ahead of you, and you are absolutely right. Things will be falling into place effortlessly, thanks to you and your FS both being very responsible and future-oriented individuals.

I see that you and your spouse may be from a similar culture or background and that both families are quite pleased with your union. You may be the oldest of your siblings or just the most responsible person within your friend and peer group. Many people see you and your FS as “relationship goals” and think that you both are beautiful, successful and naturally very lucky. This pile gives me heavy prom king/queen or valedictorian/salutatorian energy.

I see here that some of you will pick out your own engagement ring because you have very particular tastes and like things to look or feel a certain way. Pile 4, you may be a little high maintenance, but your FS actually really loves this about you. When it comes to you and your FS, all you have to do is point to something and they'll make sure that it’s yours. Your FS may have a high-paying job or come from a wealthy family, so they are used to showing their love and affection by buying you whatever you want and spoiling you with flashy gifts.

The Wedding:

Pile 4, I see that your wedding will be very lavish and upscale. You both will look like money. You and your FS might be foreign born or have big families back home in another country. Some of you may have more than one reception (for family in your country) or you might have several outfit changes throughout the day.

I see here that tradition is very important to one or both of you. You both don’t believe in putting the cart before the horse. In your mind, it goes courting, dating, marriage, babies. Pile 4, I see that you have had a clear plan for your life since a young age and have been able to make sure everything goes according to plan thus far. I see your wedding and honeymoon will be no different. Some of you may even have your wedding date synced to your ovulation schedule so that you and your FS can start trying for babies right away. You both may want to have a large family and feel there is no real use in waiting once you say “I do.”

I see you both will really enjoy your wedding reception as everything has been planned perfectly down to the last detail. All you and your FS will have left to do is to show up and have fun. I also see that for some, both your families have spared no expense for this occasion. This will truly be the wedding of your (and several other people’s) dreams! Pile 4, you will look like a princess on your wedding day because in the eyes of those who love you, you truly are one.

I’m seeing that many of you who picked this pile may be quite young (mid 20s, maybe?). You and your spouse either met in college, though a mutual friend group or were introduced by your families. You both are well suited for each other and will make a great power couple as you age and begin to grow as a family.

Wedding Night

Hmm okay I see this is the pile for the certified freaks. I see either you or your FS will have a lot of energy for the wedding night and y’all might end up fucking like rabbits all night long. I see rounds after rounds until one of you finally taps out. I also see that for many of you, your FS might get you pregnant on your wedding night, but you wouldn’t mind. As far as you’re concerned, they are it for you.

Some of you might be into using toys and handcuffs and spicing things up with role play. Your FS might also have a little bit of a foot fetish or just think you have really beautiful feet. Whatever the case, I see that you will keep your FS on his toes in the bedroom and he won’t be able to get enough of you. Whips, chains, handcuffs - you do alladat. I heard, “I grew out my beard so you can wet it.” They love it when you ride their face. You make your FS so happy with how freaky you are in the bedroom, but they also love how you keep it classy in the streets. I feel the reason you guys are getting married so young is because they really couldn’t wait any longer to lock you down. Your FS knows you’re a catch and they are proud to give you both their first child and their last name.

After a long and exhausting day, I see you and your spouse finally leaving your reception way later than planned - you guys were just having too much fun to say goodbye. You might feel tired and ready for a nap on the way to the room but once you guys enter your suite, I see you will both suddenly get your second wind. For some, your spouse will draw you a nice relaxing bubble bath and tell you to take your time getting ready for them.

They might flip through the tv or scroll their phone aimlessly until you come out. But once they see you in your bridal lingerie, it’s game on. They will be so turned on you will have to push them off you because they will want to do it right there where you stand. Fuck moving over to the bed, that would take too long haha.

I see that some of you may bring handcuffs or scarves and tie your spouse to the bed. From there you will tease them until they literally beg you to sit on it. But you wont give in so easily. I see you like being a tease. You might even dominate them a little, biting and kissing their thighs, saying things like “Yeah, you want me to put it in my mouth, don't you?” They will be almost whimpering from the anticipation of pleasure that they are already dripping and throbbing before you give them head. And when you finally do, they are going to almost explode right away. They will be begging you to hurry up and sit on so they can finish inside you. I keep hearing “Fuck baby, I’m gonna cum.” You make them bust over and over and they can’t hold back when you do the things that you do to them.

Finally, I see you untying them and letting them have their fun. They might grab you and pound you fast and hard, finally releasing all that pent up energy from earlier in the day. I see that throughout these moments, you will be in ecstasy. And for some of you, you may have an out of body experience as waves of pleasure wash over you as you cum. I see this person making sure they finish inside you every time because they don’t want any of your future babies going to waste lmao. They wanna save it all for you.

I see that you guys will probably stay up all night and won’t pass out until the following morning. Guests who stayed at the hotel overnight might ask for you guys at breakfast and then laugh to themselves realizing you’re probably either upstairs having sex or taking a break between rounds. They will remember what it’s like to be young and in love, and will possibly have some food sent to your room for nourishment. Your friends and family are highly supportive of this union.

Honeymoon

I see that for some of you, you and your spouse will have a very “smart” or elegant honeymoon in London, Paris, NYC or similar. Lots of museum visits, going to shows and sightseeing in major cities. One or both of you may be really into the arts or high-brow, upscale outings and your IG feed will be the envy of others. Here I see that your FS will handle all of the small day to day details of the honeymoon, such as reservations, hiring a car service or calling ahead to make sure the staff has a bottle of wine chilled and ready for their new bride. They will want you to intrinsically know through their actions that they will always be on top of things for you. They will try to cater to you like it’s their job.

Again, I’m seeing that both of you may be traditional or come from cultures where tradition is very important, so this person will make sure to play their part for you because they know you expect nothing less, and you will match their energy where it counts.

Overall, I see you and your spouse really enjoying your wedding and honeymoon. Making memories that you will share with your friends, family, kids and future grandkids for years to come.

Thanks for reading🔮✨

© 2023 stonedcoldfoxtarot. All rights reserved. Please do not copy, translate, edit or redistribute.

[golden-hearts-silver-tongues-if]

Demo: (Release Date: when i figure out twine, and then a week)

Life was never easy, but the day you first found your talent for less than legal practices, it certainly got easier. And when you finally got taken in by a nosy noble who could appreciate your talents, life finally seemed like it was looking up. But the highlife isn't all it was cracked out to be. You had to leave behind your best friend for this chance at the high life, and that's not even to mention all the enemies you've made while in service of the person who brought you in. Was it worth it? Can you keep your skeletons nice and tidy in your closet? Or will the past prove to have a few too many chips on its shoulder. ------------- This is a game about many things. Struggling to find meaning in your own life, trying to cling to those you care about as life drags you apart, and what can happen when you don't make peace before the storm. You take on the role of a peasant with a talent for the illegal, be that quick hands or a quicker wit. After years of dealing with the dirt of life to make a living, you get taken in (read, bought into service) of a noble who claims to have nothing but good intentions. They want to expose other nobility for their wrongdoings while climbing the ranks themselves. Will you be willing to remain loyal to their cause, or is money truly the only thing motivating you? That remains up to you to decide. Golden Hearts, Silver Tongues is rated 18+ for explicit language, mature themes, drug and alcohol use and abuse, violence, thoughts and mentions of suicide, self-harm, death and mental trauma. -------------

Customizable MC, choose your gender, pronouns, appearance, sexuality, romantic attraction, personality, history with some characters, potential disabilities, and most importantly, how you choose to go about your crimes. Are you a smooth talker, or someone who prefers actions over words?

Romance one of four available ROs? Will you fall back to your tumultuous Ex/Ex Best Friend? Or perhaps your new coworker or Boss? Or perhaps the most dangerous, the Ex-Noble hunting you down?

Struggle with Morality as you get pulled in different directions. What constitutes good anyways? And let's be honest, do you even care about being good at this point?

Resolve all of your lingering issue, before choosing how to move forwards. To remain trapped by the chains of your past, or to cast it all off and move forwards, unburdened. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

-------------

Romance Options:

The Rival (F, Cis or Trans selectable) - Your one and only friend in the early days of your life, and perhaps something more? You two grew up together and often were the only ones each other had. Perhaps she was your best friend, your lover, or someone you were so close to you could consider them family. Regardless, whatever she was, she isn't anymore. A fight caused a rift between you two, and now you two aren't on talking terms, much less anything else. So, when she shows up to one of your jobs, to steal the same items no less, is it any surprise things don't go well? Tropes - Exes to Lovers, Childhood Crush, Exfriends to Lovers, Rivals/Enemies to Lovers

The Boss (M, F, NB selectable) - The person who scooped you off the streets and showed you what the high life was like, and all you had to do was steal whatever they told you. Simple enough, right? You'd think. In practice, it seems like they keep upping the ante on your targets and at some point, you have to wonder whether or not this is all born out of good intentions. Though, with the looks they keep sending your way, perhaps more than just your skills have captivated them? No, that couldn't be true. After all, a noble and a peasant would cause far too much of an uproar for the already tumultuous figure that is your boss. Right? Gender Footnote - If NB, the Boss will be Agender. Tropes - Forbidden Love, Age Gap, Nobility x Peasant, Employer x Employee

The Coworker (M, Cis or Trans selectable) - A surprise your boss sprung on you just a few months ago, he is another noble who embraced your Boss' rhetoric and now wants to help reveal the darker side of the Kingdom. It's a shame he doesn't know what he's doing, but luckily (or unluckily), that is where you come in. Tasked to show him the ropes of thieving, you must figure out how to teach this eager learner what you've known all your life. He might not have quick hands, nor can he lie to save his life, but if there's one thing, he knows it's how to get up after a failure. And that surely has no correlation to all the gifts of his you've ignored over the years, right? Tropes - Coworkers to Lovers, Master x Apprentice, First Crush, Himbo, Potentially Grumpy x Sunshine

The Baron (M, F, NB selectable) - Hate is a strong word. Luckily, the Baron is a strong person. The first major noble your Boss ever sent you after, they by far had the hardest fall from grace out of anyone you know. Going from ruling an entire quarter of the Kingdom, to being nothing more than a rogue knight hunting you down for revenge. It's a shame they still have so much money at their disposal to hunt you with, and for all that it's worth, they are very good at finding you. Catching you, not so much. You always manage to just barely evade their capture....surely nothing to think about. Gender Footnote - If NB, the Baron will be Genderfluid. Tropes - Hate-Hate Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, Murder makes people hot, Villian Route, Potentially Redemption Arc

------------- Note Zone: Hey there! Thanks for reading all the way through this. This little place down here is where I plan on placing things like links in the future, and also any notes on progress or big topics and stuff that comes up. For now, all asks are welcomed, and once again thank you!

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

[paper-mario-wiki]

Do you do farm stuff Scout? Or would you like to? Like owning chickens or tending an outdoor garden, that sort of thing?

From ages 7 to 19 I lived on farms, and was made to be an active participant in maintenance and usages of the facilities I don't know why the fuck I'm typing it like this, but I grew up on a farm. I was kinda in charge of everything, but slacked a lot and my brother had to cover for me. That said, I still spent a LOT of time doing chores.

At one point or another I've been responsible for most every farm chore you can really think of. All the basics like raking leaves, milking goats, collecting eggs, feeding chickens- but also the big stuff like moving tons of hay, herding flocks, caring for large animals such as llamas, alpacas, horses, and cows, as well as delivering babies, gutting and plucking fowl (only chickens and turkeys, though I've also cared for ducks and geese), dehoring, hoof cleaning, corpse transportation, crop maintenance, winter ice removal by breaking up frozen water troughs in 10 below weather (thought this was usually circumvented by anticipating the cold and setting up water heaters beforehand), constructing enclosures, slaughtering pigs, and etc etc etc etc etc all that shit. Bunnies snakes mini horses donkeys. All that shit. Farm stuff. Ya know.

Moved away when I went to college and immediately plunged into a mixed-zoning district in the Fushimi district in Kyoto. This was a really good transition from rural living to city living, because mixed zoning districts have blocks dedicated to apartment complexes and family homes right next to blocks of rice fields and ponds, which was behind the 7-Eleven I bought most of my food from.

Now I live in a SHITTY mixed zoning area in SHITTY America where we never stop hearing cars because there's a massive parking lot nearby and constant police sirens, not because the area is particularly dangerous, but because there's like 2 police stations nearby.

My ideal housing goal, which also happens to be my current goal in life, is to reach a slightly more rural version of the Kyoto living situation. The goals are very distinct:

0. I'm editing this one in after the fact to note that while I've used Kyoto as an example a few times in this post, I'm just looking for an area that feels right and would happily live in any prefecture that fits my needs.

I want to not be tied directly to a visa which would draw me away from doing whatever work I really want to do, like my student visa did later on when school started getting worse as professors were struggling to learn digital classroom mechanics. The visa I'm shooting for is dependent on a few ideas I have for businesses, but that's still kind of a long shot.

I want to be in a position of relative financial freedom so that I can spend enough time genuinely living there instead of just being tied to a computer all day, limiting me to the world I already know. This one's the big one, so I'm still workin on that. That said, recently I've been taking some pretty massive steps towards making this a more tangible circumstance. Fingers crossed.

I want to have a home that I own instead of renting, and I'd like to work with a Japanese architect to actually construct it. Again, these are big big plans, but I think a life goal is a thing worth thinking big about. And it's not like I'm trying to build a mansion, or even a family-sized house, I think I'd be content with three bedrooms, a kitchen, and common room. Of course, in keeping with the "dream big" spirit, in a world where I've got enough money to have a nicer, slightly bigger home, I can imagine as many as 5 bedrooms. It's nice to imagine in this "perfect" outcome that I've got a reason to have enough space for guests to sleep over. A local community, or an otherwise tangible, real-world web of relationships would be nice. Like, Real Adult Socializing Shit.

I want to have a significant emphasis on self-reliance on this home. As far solarpunk as I can reasonably go, without biting off more than I can chew as someone who's kinda limp-wristed. In a gay way and a feeble way. I figure this will come down to solar panels, water filtration, a well, and a garden (or at least the space to have gardening stuff like pots and soil). Some chickens would be nice too, but I don't know that I'd ever take on livestock proper.

I want to be properly submerged in trees without being more than a 5 minute bike ride from a train station. Somwhere like Yase-Hieizanguchi Station in north Kyoto is a good example of station that's on the edge of a metropolitan area and the forest. There was an apartment there I almost got, but backed out when covid hit cuz I decided moving across town would be a whack decision.

This is a BONUS goal, but I think it'd also be nice to not compromise on a single location, and instead have a home out in the inaka, while also having a small apartment rented in the city I can go between whenever I need to. In a world where I can afford a plot of land out in the country, but would still need to travel into town for business, that would be nice. Though in that scenario I'd likely need to also take on the arduous task of getting a Japanese drivers license. If I know far enough in advance that I want to take this specific route then I could bypass that last one by getting an international license before moving to Japan, but after moving to Japan you're barred from getting an international license.

I couldn't tell you in honesty that I'm a Salt of the Earth, Red Blooded American Farmer in my heart, and in fact I could not WAIT to move away from the farm. I hated that I didn't have a say in living on a farm, and was made to take care of animals. But what I DID enjoy about that life was the stillness. The opportunities of perfect silence. The stars unobstructed by light pollution. The ability to explore. Those things I was incredibly grateful for. And as such, in my perfect world, I would like to live on something like a farm again one day, just on my own terms.

[darylbrainrot]

Cold winters ᯓ★

Gojo x F! Reader (8.4k word count)

⋆ SYPNOSIS: you and a classmate get assigned to work on a project together only for your feelings to progress the more you work together.

⋆ INFO: fem reader, modern au, no curses, fluff, classmates to lovers, self-consious thoughts from reader, not proof read, gojo might be ooc, cursing.

You seemed to enjoy cold winters—the snow dusting the ground and creating a seemingly dream-like atmosphere. The only thing you disliked about these snowy times was the countless couples seeming to show up and appear out of nowhere. Shoving their relationships into your face (they were just holding hands) pointed out how you felt lonely with nobody to share your body heat in an attempt to keep warm in these harsh times. Yet your countless failed relationships or situationships confirmed your struggles to find someone interested in you as much as you were interested in them.

This was until a certain blue-eyed boy showed up in the equation; he was cute, of course. You thought nothing more of it, knowing that it wouldn't lead to anything. This was just wishful thinking on your part, believing you would have a chance with him despite the countless number of girls fawning over him—countless prettier girls than you thought.

You met him in one of your high school classes; you actually had him in most of your periods. Your 7th-period teacher has assigned a project with assigned partners, and you were assigned with him. You only had minor conversations with him; most of them were him asking you for help since he wasn't paying attention and was just messing around with his friends. Yet now you'd have to work with him both outside and inside of school to finish this project, which was worth a lot of your grade. You weren't really looking forward to it, thinking that you'd have to do most of the work with him slacking off, yet you still had hope for at least a decent grade.

December 4th.

"You guys will be working on a project with assigned partners; your partners will be shown on the screen, so get to work. This will be due at the end of the month and will be a big percentage of your grade." Your teacher says, You turn to the screen to look for your partner. Scanning through a list of names of your classmates, you find yours: "y/n & gojo." You read through your squinted eyes while trying to search for your name. You were hoping I'd be at least one of your friends from this period, yet you get someone known for being a class clown—someone who doesn't necessarily pay attention… You're hoping it wasn't bad. Being too caught up in your own thoughts, you didn't realize Gojo was making his way toward you.

"Heyyy y/n…" he said, with, of course, an alter motive clear in his voice. "yes, gojo?" You stare at him as he makes his way in front of your table while dragging a chair behind him and placing it in front of you. "You know I appreciate you and respect you, right?" He grins, batting his lashes at you. "Gojo, I'll do most of the work if you at least put some effort into it." You sigh at his antics, moving to put your check into the palm of your hand. "Deal!" he grins at you. "What's your number, y/n? I want to be able to text you if I need help on this project…" He grins at you once again, this smile of his always making your stomach turn. "Oh, uh, do you have your phone on you? I can just type it in if it's okay with you." He nods towards you, gravitating to reach for his phone to give it to you.

"Here you go." He passes the phone to you with the new contact page open already, going to grab his phone while typing your number into it. "Uh, if you have questions or anything, you can just text me. We should set up a day to meet up so we can try to finish this as early as possible so we won't have to worry about it later on." You look at him only to find his eyes already on you. "Is this a way of asking me out on a date?" He smirks at you. "You wish; I just want to get this assignment over." "Yeah, yeah, whatever." He frowns slightly, this action going unnoticed by you.

December 6th.

It was finally Friday. Thank the gods. You had finished a bit less than half of the project with Gojo only doing anything, yet it was Gojo. What did you expect? You dreaded going into your 7th period, knowing Gojo would just be bugging you for most of the period, barely allowing you to do at least some of the work to be considered on track. As your 6th-period bell rang, signaling that you should head toward your 7th period, you started to head toward your class, attempting to avoid other students who were just being loud in the hallway. A stark contrast to your character.

As you entered your class and headed towards your seat, you found Gojo already there, awaiting your arrival. You found him with his head down on the desk next to yours. As you got to your seat, you got your laptop and materials from your bag and placed them on your table. Only now do you realize the soft snores leaving Gojo. Realizing he is asleep, you try your best to keep quiet. This can at least allow you to do some work while Gojo keeps quiet.

As you pull up the assignment on your now-opened laptop, you notice Gojo stirring in his sleep. This was a sign for you to stop your movements, trying to keep quiet, although the whole class was loud— you were surprised at how Gojo can nap in such a loud environment. You kept your eyes on him for a while, looking for when he'd stop moving. As he stopped moving, you turned your eyes back onto your shared document with Gojo. When you decided to finish one of your slides that was half done, you were too focused on gathering your research and typing it down to realize that you were reaching the end of the period.

The end of the 7th period bell alerts you. At the end of this period, you start to pack your things away, only to still find Gojo asleep. You were at least glad your next and final period was a free one, finding this as an opportunity to finish other work and to relax for a while. But Gojo still had a period next; you attempted to wake him up to no avail.

"Gojo, wake up; it's 8th period now, and you're going to be late." You shake him only for him to finally stir in his sleep. "5 more minutes." His voice was groggy from his nap. "No extra minutes; you have to wake up." "I don't want to…" his head still in his folded arms on the desk. "Well, you have to; you literally have like… 3 more minutes to get to your next class, gojo." As you say that, he finally lifts his head off of the desk and looks at you with a pout. "Aren't you going to be late? Or do you care so much about me that you don't care about that?" he says as he makes fake kissing noises to mock you. "Okay, shut up, dude. I have a free period next, but I know you don't, so wake up and get going." He yawns as he stands up, grabbing his bag in the process.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he says as he drags the 'r. ' You start to head towards the door before Gojo beats you to it and opens the door for you. "Ladies first." He winks at you while you give him a deadpan look, and despite your seemingly reactionless response, you can't help but feel the flutter that's caused in your stomach. Your own body is sabotaging you.

"Thanks," you mutter under your breath as you exit the class. "Since today is Friday, would you want to go to a cafe to try and finish the project?" Gojo asks, with a slight tint of blush covering his face; this also goes unnoticed by you once again. "Sure, just text me when and where." You turn towards him with a slight smile gracing your lips as you turn back around to start heading toward your own destination. Once you turned around, you couldn't help but smile a bit more, knowing this was just a study session, nothing more and nothing less, but you still couldn't help but feel a bit happy knowing he was the one who asked you.

It was finally the end of the day, and you were feeling eager, awaiting a text from Gojo. Yeah, you felt a bit silly waiting for him to text you, but you're just a girl. What? Can't a girl dream anymore? Call it delusions or whatever, but you noticed your feelings growing over time working with him. His small mannerisms rubbed off on you so much that even your own friends noticed. A vibration from your phone caused you to snap out of your thoughts and look at the new notification, only to find it was from Gojo, speaking of the devil.

(xxx)-xxx-xxxx: hey its gojo, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up right now and go to the cafe that's a couple blocks down?

y/n: yeah thats fine with me, meet me in front of school?

quickly saving his contact, you await his response, only for him to respond in a matter of seconds.

gojo: c u there :)

You checked the time; it was 3:25 as you started heading towards the front of the school from where you were originally. Trying to get there slowly so you can find Gojo first rather than him finding you.

You finally exit the school doors and find Gojo leaning on the wall right next to the doors. As you start making your way towards him, he looks up from his phone to look at you. "you ready?" He asks, the sun hitting his tinted lenses, making his eyes barely visible. "Yeah, which cafe are we going to? I didn't know there was one nearby.." "We're going to this small cafe by here; it's pretty good, but I've only been there once." You nod as you start to follow Gojo towards the cafe.

On your way there, you had small talk; there was silence, of course, but it was nothing uncomfortable—you welcomed that silence because it was nice. After awhile, you noticed it started getting cold. You started to regret not bringing a sweater to school today, as the winters were getting colder by the second. You started to slightly tremble, wrapping yourself in your own hands to try to create the warmth that you so desperately needed. Gojo noticed this and decided to take off his sweater and hand it to you.

“Here, take it.” His hand was right in front of you, with his sweater in hand. You wanted to wear it, but, I mean, hell freeze to death as well. “I can't; you’d be cold too, Gojo." You turn to face him with worry displayed on your face. "Nah, I’ll be fine; you need it more than me—I mean, you're practically shivering. The cafe isn’t that far, and I don’t want you to get sick 'cause we have to finish the project.” At this point, you both stopped in your tracks. A sigh left your lips as you took his sweater and put it on.

You let out a barely audible thanks to him; it would go unnoticed by those not paying attention—yet Gojo's attention was all on you, yet you never noticed.

“This is the cafe; it’s pretty small, but I think it's pretty good.” He winks at you, flutters erupting in your stomach, yet you think nothing of them. Just you wishing they’d go away. He goes to open the door for you, muttering a soft thanks under your breath as you enter.

You felt warmth immediately welcome you in this cafe; it was homey; it was particularly small, with open space and windows at the front of the cafe, with a table right by the window. It had a light brown interior with darker brown accents, with paintings and pictures adorning the walls. This and the green plants and flowers that were all over the corners and counters. It was, honestly, a very pretty and nice establishment for one so small.

“This is really pretty gojo; where do we sit?”

“We can sit by the windows; it's a nice view outside, so I think it’ll be nice.” You hum in agreement as you make your way to the table by the windows and place your things down. “Should we go order now?”

"Yeah, lets just look over the menu first before hand.” As you both looked up behind the workers counter to find the menu behind them, you were trying to figure out what to order before deciding to order a matcha latte and a chocolate croissant. You turned your attention towards Gojo to see if he was still contemplating what to order, only to find him thinking extra hard about his decision, finding it funny how the only time he pays decent attention is when it doesn’t regard any school work.

“You decided what to get yet?” You asked Gojo, "Uhhh… I think I might get some kikufuku and a hot chocolate; what about you?”

"Uh, I'm just going to get a chocolate croissant and a matcha latte.”

You both start heading towards the registers to order, with Gojo saying both of your orders. As the cashier starts to read out the cost, you reach into your pocket to grab your wallet, only for Gojo to beat you to it, paying for both of your orders. After the transaction, you both returned to the table to wait for your order to be called.

“Gojo, why’d you pay for both of us? I could’ve paid for my half.”

“It's fine; I mean, I was the one to offer to come here, so it is only a man’s obligation to pay.”

"Let me pay you back at least; I feel bad making you pay for my half." You frowned, feeling bad that he had paid for your order. "The way you can pay me back is for us to finish the project." He has that shit-eating grin on his face, the one he has on his face while poking fun at others. You grunt in response, reaching into your bag to take out your laptop to continue with your work.

"I was able to get some slides done from my part today, but you're gonna have to do a couple of the slides from your part.” As Gojo was about to speak, he got interrupted by the person calling our order.

“Order for Gojo!”

“I'll be right back.” Gojo grins at you. Your eyes follow his person as he walks up to the counter and gets your orders. You can clearly see the cashier trying to flirt with him, trying to make any advancements toward Gojo. You were glad you couldn’t make out what either of them was saying; you knew if you could, you’d get upset. Do you know why? Yeah, it was because you liked Gojo; it was clear now, and you hated it. It would have been stupid to get upset at a girl trying to flirt with him; I mean, you both weren’t even together. But you understood her; he was handsome, and she was also pretty. You were thinking that if you were as pretty as her, if you were that confident, maybe you’d have a chance with Gojo. caught up in your own thoughts that left a bad taste in your mouth, you didn’t realize Gojo was making his way back towards you. You were too busy being spaced out and caught up in your own thoughts, thoughts that you so very much hated.

“You good, y/n?” You were still spaced out, too focused on the worker behind the counter to realize Gojo. He cleared his throat; that was the thing that managed to catch your attention. "Huh?" You say, now staring at Gojo.

"I asked if you were okay; you were spaced out." "Oh, yeah, I'm okay. Did you get our order?" He nods at you while passing you your order as he places his down on the table by his seat. He takes his seat across from you and takes out his laptop as well, getting ready to "do" some work. (He won't do work.)

"We can probably finish a couple of more slides today, so we won't be behind on our work. We should probably do about two slides each? I think that would be good enough so we won't be behind." He hums in agreement, reaching for his hot chocolate to take a sip from.

"What even is this project about?" He says, taking another sip of his hot chocolate afterward. Your face goes blank at his idiocy; you honestly can't believe he got so far in high school. I mean, you were seriously doubting his abilities as of now.

"Are- Are you being serious?" You attempted to hold back your laugh at his simple idiotic actions, yet your attempt is in vain. You're now full-blown laughing, not even trying to hide how hysterical you find his stupidity.

"Oh my god— you're so hopeless!" You're holding your stomach in pain from your laughter; you can't even contain the tears from falling. Those tears of laughter basically taunt Gojo for his lack of intelligence. "What? It's not that funny." He huffs in an attempt to heal his bruised ego.

"Okay, I'll stop. I'm sorry, Gojo." You still had that grin on your face, although you were 'apologizing' for your actions. "We're just doing a group project about ideas for a new software application. Like doing research on our idea, putting down evidence on why this would be a good software idea, and explaining how it would help others. We have a doc that the teacher shared with us; did you not see it?" You ask, still having a grin plastered on your face from making fun of Gojo's lack of intelligence.

He scoffs, trying to play off the incident that just happened. "Yeah, of course I did; I was just seeing if you knew what we were doing." He attempted to gather whatever there was of his shattered ego, clearly and very painfully failing at this attempt as well.

"uh huh."

You grin at his antics, finding them quite funny—and quite endearing as well.

"Okay, well, we should get to work. Ask me if you have any questions or anything else. You have the shared in the gmail I sent you." You say, followed by you taking a bite out of your chocolate croissant, savoring the sweet taste of it. Gojo hums in agreement as quietness follows, both of you—well, at least you—in deep concentration on the work in front of you.

You didn't notice how much time had passed until you checked your phone; it was now 6:50, and it's gotten way darker than it was when you got to the cafe with Gojo.

You sighed as you ran your hands through your hair with a small "shit" muttered under your breath. Gojo caught your disturbance and looked at you through his tinted glasses. "What happened?" You hummed as you turned your attention to him. You nodded to the window, showing how dark it had gotten outside.

"I just noticed how late it is, and I gotta walk home too. I think I have to go home now before it gets darker." Gojo stands as he notices you standing as well, wrapping up your items and placing them into your bag. Going to throw away your finished drink and food before Gojo cuts you from your tracks.

"Let me walk you home; it's too dark for you to walk alone, y/n." You turned to face him, finding his eyes already on your figure. "You honestly don't have to; I'll feel bad enough for making you walk me home while you also paid for me."

"You're not making me walk home if I offered." He has that smirk on his face, the one he always has on. "You don't have to gojo, like, honestly." "Well, I want to, so let's get going; lead the way." You grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder while grabbing your trash, as Gojo threw his a while ago. As you started making your way towards the door leading out, Gojo was there, holding the door open for you. Muttering a small thanks as you left the small establishment.

You started leading the way to your house; it was only about 10 minutes away from the school, so you started to head to your school and then to your house. Gojo is right next to you, him being the one that's closest to the road. As you reached the school, you realized you still had Gojo's sweater on, which he lent you on the way to the cafe. You felt a feeling crash over you, your cheeks growing a slight tint of color, although it was already flushed due to the cold—caught in your own silly thoughts of Gojo, all this because of a sweater he lent you. Just a kind action, nothing more, yet you can't help but be stuck in your own thoughts. You didn't realize Gojo caught onto your little actions—not your thoughts swooning over him, but your demeanor. Your reddened cheeks, being stuck in your own mind more and more often, and seemingly being in your own little world—in a kind and soft reverie.

His eyes were on you, hyperfocused on you and only you. Thinking you were some sort of angel only for him and nobody else, he knew that was false; you weren't his, but he wished you were. Time passed so fast with both of you stuck in a reverie of each other. You didn't even notice the fact you'd arrived at your home, only figuring you were there when you were right in front of your house.

You sighed as you saw the familiar figure of your home, signaling that you had no more time to spend with Gojo. Breaking the silence with you taking off his sweater and handing it to him.

"Thanks for walking me home, paying for my things at the cafe, and lending me your sweater, Gojo." A smile graced your lips as you recalled those events as you handed him his sweater back. Although they just happened today, you were already reminiscing about them. "Yeah, of course, y/n." You nod in his direction before remembering something.

"Text me when you get home, Gojo; make sure to be safe." He nods at your request before walking off to his house as you enter your own.

About 15 minutes later, you received a text from Gojo.

Gojo: i just got home rn

Gojo: i hope u enjoyed that cafe too

Grinning at his text was nice; although it was nothing special, it was nice knowing he remembered to text you when he got home.

y/n: i actually did enjoy that cafe a lot actually! it was nice, and again, thanks for paying for me

y/n: next time let me pay for both of us to make it up to u pls

Shit—you didn't mean to make that second text sound like that. Was that you coming off too hard? Does it make you sound desperate, wanting to have another study hall with him? Maybe he's going to find you strange for assuming there is going to be a next time? A thousand thoughts are racing through your mind at 100 miles per hour. You were getting anxious at what Gojo's reply was going to be; maybe he didn't see it like you're seeing it, and you're just overreacting.

Gojo: is this ur attempt at asking me on a date ;)

That fucking asshole, knowing him, this is a total him response.

y/n: fuck off bro, u wish i was

Gojo: yeah, i do wish u were asking me on a date.

Fuck. Is he being serious? Maybe you're just overanalyzing it; maybe he meant it as a joke, but that couldn't help your stomach erupt in butterflies. Suddenly, a confidence you didn't even know you had took over, deciding to play with this act of his cocky personality.

y/n: since im not asking you on a date, y dont u ask me on one instead?

Little did you know Gojo was going crazy behind his screen just like you; you felt like a teenage girl fawning over her first boyfriend. Gojo could be in the exact same predicament as well.

Gojo: hmmm, i guess ur right

Gojo: would u like to go on a date with me then, y/n?

You couldn't believe your eyes right now; things were happening way too fast. You couldn't even adjust yourself to how fast things were going. Well, technically, not fast, but seemingly fast enough for you to stress out.

y/n: sure then :)

y/n: lmk when and where?

Gojo: ill lyk then, y/n

You honestly couldn't believe your very own eyes. This felt as if it wasn't real, as if it was just one of your dreams where you got the boyfriend of your dreams.

December 16th

It was already December 16th, and you and Gojo had already finished your project. It was surprising, but you both started spending more and more time together after that study hall you had together. Today was also the date Gojo had planned; you were going to Gojo's house and watching shows, baking, and just spending time together. It was nothing big, but it didn't matter to you; as long as you were with Gojo, it felt like it was the best day.

You were getting ready for him to pick you up in his car; it was surprising when you first saw it until you remembered that his family was well off money-wise. You just wore some casual clothes, not trying to make it seem you were trying too hard. You were in your room waiting for Gojo's text, signaling that he was outside, ready for you.

Gojo: im outside :)

y/n: omw

You bid farewell to your family, telling them you'd be back later on and that you were going over to a friend's house. Leaving the front door of your house, you found Gojo waiting right in front of your house by the passenger seat, ready to open the door for you. As he saw you, he waved at you with a smile on his face.

"Thanks, Gojo," he said, smiling at him as he opened the door for you to take your seat in his car. He hums in response as he turns to go to the driver's seat. As the car sank with his added weight, he was making adjustments to the car's heater to make sure it was warm enough for the both of you.

A nice atmosphere filled the car as Surf by wave to earth was playing in the background, adding a calming sense to everything. It was a nice night out—cold, snowy, and calm. You hummed along to the lyrics, as this was one of your favorite songs by wave to earth. You remembered bringing it up to Gojo once; maybe that's why it's playing now. Maybe he remembered your favorite song and played it just for you.

As Gojo started to pull into the driveway of his house, he told you to wait in the car as he went to open the door. It was a cute action he took, always making sure to open doors for you—something you found endearing. As he opened the door, you thanked him for opening the car door for you.

"What do you wanna do first?" He asked, making his way to the front door with you following close behind him, making sure to walk carefully to avoid tripping on any of the ice. "Hmmm, wanna bake first?" you said, tilting your head at him, although he couldn't see you since his back was facing you. He hummed in agreement.

He went to the front door, taking out his keys quickly and opening the door, waiting for you to walk in first before he entered. Locking the door behind him and placing his keys on the small table by the door. Taking off his shoes as you followed suit and placing them on the shoe rack. You followed him as he showed you where the kitchen was.

"Do we even know what we're gonna bake?" smiling softly at the total clueless actions of the both of you, both of you getting too far ahead of the details in the excitement of today. "Oh, you're right." He deadpans, realizing his flaw in this plan.

"Uh, we can make brownies? I think I have a brownie mix around here somewhere." Scratching his head as he tries to remember where he last placed the brownie mix when he decided to make something sweet to tame his sweet tooth, only for him to figure out he was too lazy to make it for himself; he found this as the perfect opportunity to make it.

“Found it!” He exclaimed as his hand held the box of brownie mix. You smiled at his goofy antics—just anything he does you find cute. “What do the instructions say?” You asked Gojo as you rolled your sleeves up. "Uh, it's asking to preheat the oven to 350." He said, squinting at the instructions on the back while you hummed with his answer, you went to preheat the oven as he placed the mix down.

"What pan do we use?" You were asking as you started pressing buttons on the oven. "We can use this glass one." He said this as he was searching the cabinets for a good-sized container. Humming in agreement, you put the pan beside the oven. You went to grab the mix to read the next instruction. "We need two eggs, 1/4 cup of water, and… a half of oil. Could you grab me that?" He hummed as he went to the refrigerator to grab the eggs. Once he grabbed them, he placed them at the counter. He then grabbed the measuring cup, oil, and water and placed them beside the eggs.

"what's next?" He says this, looking over your shoulder, his breath hitting your ear. "We mix all the things together with the mix." Gojo hums going to grab a decent-sized bowl so everything can fit. Once he found one, he went back to you and placed it on the counter between you both.

"You get the eggs, and I'll measure out the oil and water." You said this as you started to pour the mix into the bowl. He began cracking the eggs on the counter and opening it above the bowl. The only thing he was doing wrong was getting a bunch of eggshells in the bowl. You caught him trying to take them out of your peripheral vision, so you turned your attention on him.

"Gojo, how did you manage to fail the most simple task?" A small smile was evident on your face, growing by the second into a full-blown smile, taunting him. "It's not my fault! The egg was being stubborn." He huffs, trying to convince himself more than you that the egg was why this happened. You sort of forgot Gojo was well off; that's probably why he's not that used to cooking for himself. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you big baby," you giggle at how he looks—as if he's trying to murder that egg for not "cooperating" with him.

After that, things went sort of smoothly. You guys put oil on the glass pan before spreading the brownie mix on the pan. As he was pouring the brownie mix into the pan, you were just watching him; he looked the most focused doing this. As if this is some really important life-or-death action—his tongue slightly sticking out, a habit you've seen him do more than once when he's deep in concentration. His brows were slightly furrowed, creating creases on his forehead between his brows, and his eyes were narrow and deep in concentration on the task at hand. Although he was doing the most basic task known to man, you thought he looked quite celestial to you, as if the gods had bestowed him on you and only you to view. As if he were an important painting made out of gold hanging in an art museum, only meant for your eyes to see and enjoy.

He noticed your quietness when he finished trying to spread the mix evenly. He thought maybe something was wrong, so he turned to glance at you. Only for him to find you staring deeply into his features as if he were food a starving man has been absent from. The thought of you being so caught in your own thoughts about him made him feel warm and flushed. His checks, proving this as a pink dusted his pale checks, adding some warmth to his features. He then turned back to the container of brownie mix he had long forgotten about when he caught you staring. He cleared his throat to try to calm down the sudden butterflies he felt just then.

This also seemed to snap you out of your thoughts as you turned your attention to the pan filled with brownie mix. As if on queue, the oven beeped to signal that it was done preheating and was ready for the dish.

"Are you done with the brownies?" tilting your head as you waited for his response. He let out a small "mhm" as if he didn't trust his own words right now. You went to grab the pan in front of him and placed it in the oven. You went back to your place next to him as you looked for your phone to place a 35-minute timer.

As you were going to grab your phone from its place on the counter, you dropped it onto the floor. You muttered a small fuck under your breath, wishing and praying it didn't leave any new cracks on your phone. As you went to bend down to grab it, you didn't notice how Gojo placed his hand on the counter corner to prevent you from hurting yourself on it.

"Ima set a timer for 35 minutes; you wanna watch a movie meanwhile?" Your phone is now in your hand as you stod up, looking for the timer app on your phone to set the timer on. "Sure, what type of movie?" He made his way to the living room as you followed him while setting the timer.

"Hm—how 'bout a Disney movie? You pick the movie, though." Gojo laughs at how you recommended a Disney movie. Sure, there's nothing wrong with that, but he expected you to say something like a horror movie; a Disney movie seemed out of character for you.

As you both sat down next to each other on the couch, Gojo started to scroll through the Disney+ account he had, looking through some options before he stopped at one. He picked Frozen to watch, and you weren't really surprised. You thought he gravitated to that movie because maybe he and Elsa were related; maybe they were both long-lost twin siblings.

As he clicked on the movie, he started to get himself comfortable on the couch; he seemingly fused with the couch. As the first couple of minutes started playing, you couldn't help but feel your eyelids get heavy and droopy. You felt yourself slip more and more into slumber, so you just laid your head on Gojo's shoulder to get more comfortable. You didn't think anything of it, but Gojo's mind was on fire right now, man. If you could look at him right now, his face was full of a flushed look just because of this small action.

Your breath started to slow down, your breaths becoming shallow, and Gojo realized you had given into your sleep. Gojo decided to get himself in a position where you wouldn't wake up with a sore neck and wouldn't be uncomfortable in your nap. Soft snores left your parted lips now, although you would've hated Gojo knowing you snore in your sleep. Gojo still can't help but find this cute and endearing. He felt almost proud? Proud in the sense that you felt comfortable enough around him to let your guard down and let yourself sleep on him.

A third of the movie passed when your alarm finally rang; you weren't awakened by it, though. Gojo reached for your phone and shut off your alarm as he slowly laid you down on the couch as he went to the kitchen to take the brownies from the oven. Once he came back from the kitchen, he found you sitting up, stretching your limbs as you yawned, rubbing your eyes after you were done with your quick stretch.

"How long was I asleep?" Your voice came out groggy with a light rasp to it, and your hair from the side you were lying on was slightly messy compared to the other side. "Like 30 minutes, I think? Maybe slightly less, but you knocked out after a bit of the movie." Gojo said as he made his way to you, sitting next to you.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Gojo." You yawned again, covering your mouth with the back of your hand. "Your fine, y/n. Are you still sleepy?" Gojo had a lopsided grin, and you clearly looked half awake. You hummed, and you scratched your neck. It seemed as if you just woke up from the best nap you've ever taken. Maybe it was the best nap you took. Maybe it was because Gojo was here with you.

"You wanna take another nap in my room? It'll be more comfortable for you."

"You sure? I don't want to intrude much."

"Why would I ask if I didn't mean it?" He chuckles. You always seemed to ask if he was sure about things he was clearly sure about. He stood up, waiting for you to follow him to his room on the second floor of his house. As you followed him close behind as he made his way up the stairs, once you reached his room, he opened the door for you. It was decorated with a light gray wash on the walls, wooden furniture adorning the walls for storage, and different-sized posters and paintings covering the walls. His room wasn't messy, but there were a couple of clothes piles on his floor. You felt as if his room was a great match for him and his personality, as if it suited him perfectly.

As you made your way to his bed, you shoved your face into his cold pillow, finding it comfortable and refreshing. "Hey y/n?" You hummed as you turned your head to face him. "Yeah?" "You wanna stay over?" You seemed stunned; you didn't really expect him to ask you that; you wouldn't mind staying over with Gojo.

"Actually?" "Of course, why would I ask you if I didn't mean it?" he smiles.

"Sure, I'll stay over, but I'm just going to let my family know." You reached into your pocket to find your phone to text your mom that you were going to stay the night at your friend's house. "Thanks for letting me stay over; your bed is way more comfortable than mine. I don't wanna let this opportunity slip by." Your voice coming out muffled due to your face being stuffed into his pillow again. You already claimed his bed even though it wasn't even yours. I mean, he was okay with it, of course; he's okay with anything if you ask.

"So you just decided to claim my bed?" "Hell yeah, this shit is way too comfortable to pass on, man." He grunts in reply, scooting you to the side as he lies next to you now. "What are you doing?" Your face is finally out of the pillow, and you are now looking at his face, which was staring at yours. "Well, this is my bed, is it not? I'm not gonna sleep on that floor, so you better make space on MY bed." You roll your eyes as your face goes back to laying on the pillow.

A few minutes go by before you start to slightly snore, your face facing Gojo. He felt like a creep; he was just staring at your sleeping figure, admiring you. Sure, it might seem creepy, but it wasn't intended to be creepy. He looked at your slightly parted lips, hair falling from behind your ear, how your chest went up and down with your breaths, and how you'd move slightly to get more comfortable every so often. He didn't even notice him dozing off into slumber as well, he was too focused thinking of you. You were on his mind as he was awake and now as he drifted to sleep.

It was now the next morning and gojo was the first to wake up. He woke up with you in his arms, he wondered if you noticed this too. He felt flustered as if he was just a prepubescent boy who just got their first girlfriend. He slowly removed his arms from your figure as he went downstairs to figure out what to make you and him for breakfast.

He knew he couldn't trust his cooking skills so he resulted to just order food for the both of you. He ordered you and him breakfast from some nearby fast food restaurant with a good breakfast. As he waited for the food to get here, you started to make your way down the stairs.

"Gojo?" Your voice comes out groggy and raspy. "I'm over here," Gojo says, his voice coming out loud so you can know where he is. You followed where his voice came from, finding him in the living room sitting down on one of the couches scrolling on his phone. He looked up from his phone taking in your barely awake appearance. "How did you sleep?" He asks, well based on your appearance you slept pretty well. "Hella good dude, your beds fucking comfortable." Yawning as you made your place next to him.

"By the way, I ordered some breakfast for the both of us," He tells you since he assumed that maybe you were hungry. "Really? Thanks, where did you order from?"

"I ordered from Dunkin', is that okay?" He hears an audible gasp from you. "Hell yeah, dunkin' breakfast is my favorite man." You had a grin on your face, clearly enjoying that he bought you food.

"What did you order?"

"I got you a sourdough sandwich and a matcha latte, is that okay?" That grin on your face only growing more, he assumed maybe because you liked the food he got you. "Oh my god, you're the best person to exist right now, that's literally what I always get." He laughs at this, glad he got you something you liked.

"I think the food should be getting here in like, 3 minutes?" Those 3 minutes went by fast as now you both were sitting in the kitchen enjoying your food. You looked as if you were starving by the way you were eating your sandwich, although you might've found it embarrassing how you were eating right now— he thought the opposite, he thought you looked quite cute.

As you both were finishing up your food and drinks, you thanked gojo for buying your food and persisted in paying him back. He, of course, denied your pleas. You sighed and gave up on begging him to let you pay him back.

You two were now relaxing in the living room, watching some random show on the television yet you two weren't really invested in it. You were both just having a conversation about anything and anything coming to mind. Amidst your conversation, Gojo brought up how you can just call him his first name, you agreed with this as you found it more fitting now. The room fills with both of your voices with occasional laughter erupting from both of you. Both of you clearly enjoyed each other's presence, whether it was quite or loud, you just enjoyed spending time with each other. As it became quite, you realized you should probably go home now. Sighing in realization you broke the silence.

"Hey Satoru, I think I have to head home now." You frowned slightly, not wanting to go home as you were spending quality time with him. Gojo hums in acknowledgment, feeling upset that he can't spend more time with you. Yet, he doesn't ignore the way his first name rolls off your tongue, as if his name was made for you to say. "Let me drop you off, y/n." You hum, knowing that if you protest, Gojo will ignore you. As you went to collect your things and put your shoes on, Gojo went to the garage to heat his car up. Once you were ready, you made your way outside to where Gojo was waiting for you.

He, of course, opened the door for you to enter his car. You told him your address as you were connecting to the speaker, which he told you to connect to. You decided to play Pyramids by Frank Ocean, a song you enjoyed and you were in the mood to listen to it. You were singing along to the lyrics as Gojo was too. You two were having fun, just singing together and talking when you weren't singing.

You finally arrived at your house when you thanked him and bid farewells to him, reminding him to text you once he got back home. You weren't sure how much time passed by when you got a text from Gojo telling you he was safe and sound at his place now. You were spending your time now sending texts back and forth to each other, texting turned into a call. Hours went by as you two were talking and laughing playing Roblox, making fun of some random kid, and praying your account wouldn't get banned the next day.

It was somehow night now, you both were still on call. You two didn't even realize how much time passed. You both basically spent the day with each other. Now here you are dozing off on the call together. It was cheesy, but it was cute. You liked spending this much time with him and so did he, he enjoyed spending this much time with you— he wished he could spend as much time with you as possible.

December 22nd.

It's been 6 days since your little date with Gojo. 6 days where you and him have gotten closer— his and your friends even noticing this. Teasing you both whenever they saw you together, which was most of the time. You both were basically inseparable, spending each available minute together. You spent so much time with each other that others thought you were already dating. Yet you weren't, yet.

You were now at Gojo's place once again in his room, lying in his bed as he was at his desk working on some homework he had for one of his classes. You were just scrolling on your phone trying to find something to do to cure your boredom. This was until Gojo started to spark a conversation with you. It was till the end of the conversation that Gojo finally found the confidence to ask you something.

"Hey y/n?"

"Yeah"

"I've been wanting to ask this for god knows how long because I'm so infatuated by you and everything about you. You make it impossible for me not to swoon over you, I've liked you for god knows how long, even before we started talking. You were just my hallway crush or something, but now, I want you to be something more. I just wanted to ask, I'm sure you got the gist of it but, could I be your boyfriend?" He's now sweating so much, you didn't even know it. He was flushed from head to toe, his palms were clammy, and he was on the brink of breaking due to his nerves.

While you, you were flustered. You knew that maybe eventually you'd end up dating, but you were still caught off guard. Who knew that your long-time crush was here confessing his undying love for you.

"Of course, Satoru. I've liked you too for god knows how much time, I was just scared to act on it. Although you were insufferable most times, that could never stop me from fawning over you at any given moment." You both now had a large grin on each other's faces, glad and released that you could get it out.

As of now, you both were on his bed enjoying each other's warmth and embrace. Talking to each other about anything that sprang to mind, you both were now in bliss realizing that you were both finally together. That you were finally his and he was finally yours, a thought that was always running through each other's mind.

December 31st.

You found it funny how just in a month, you got together. Well, of course, you talked before. But this month, it was more than before, you were constantly together. If not you were on calls, but on the rare occasion when either of you couldn't call— you'd be texting each other constantly. Spending each available minute together, something either of you wouldn't give up.

You two were now strolling around in the city, entering shops when you found something interesting that Gojo insisted on buying you. Hand in hand, gojo carrying the bags of clothes, trinkets, and items he bought you just because you spent a second too long looking at them.

You found it nice how the project was due at the end of the month, exactly tomorrow. Yet that project wasn’t the only thing that was progressing, it was also your and Gojo's relationship that went along as the days.

Now you were thinking that maybe that these cold winters weren't going to be as bad. Now you had someone to share it with, to be cold with, and to be warm with, you could be like those couples you were always envious and yearned for.

Maybe these cold winters will be enjoyable now.

masterlist.

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒔𝒉 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓

the piles go from top left to right. so, african violet is pile i, pastel lilac is pile ii, and so on and so forth.

take the time to close your eyes, breathe, and meditate on the PAC prompt, then open your eyes and let your guides lead you to the pile for you. i hope you enjoy, and please let me know if it resonates with you! my ask box is open [even to anonnies]).

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Deep" by Big Sean (feat. Lil Wayne)

"Black Cat Nero" by Ateez

"Everlasting Love" by Fifth Harmony

"Neighbors" by J. Cole

Signs:

"this is my last straw"; "i can't do this anymore"; "why do people think this about me?"; "what did i even do?"; "so much for that"; someone with light hair (ie. strawberry blonde, honey blonde, could be bleached recently); someone who is a social butterfly or around social butterflies usually; screen time; movies; tall (in height or in thoughts and beliefs); nurturer; green; you could be drawn to my profile picture and page because of the green

Reading:

the people choosing this pile are looking for hope during a time where they feel very anxious and possibly even lonely. you might feel as if you've been struggling and fighting for a long time and don't feel that you can go on any longer. although you feel this way, your harsh truth is that you have to keep going and fighting until the bitter end. no one else can help you complete this breakthrough and gain the self-confidence and skill that will be learned from this treacherous time. other people can't take on this burden for you - it has to be done by you.

you're meant to feel isolated right now because old bonds are being broken and disintegrated while new ones are being crafted. you likely feel like you're going through a bad luck period; you might feel disillusioned with life and disappointed. one way you can overcome this is by no longer looking back on the past and worrying about what would've or should've been. all of that has already been done and whatever has happened can't be taken back. now is the time to take actions towards a new future and seek your own truth for the present moment rather than dwelling on the past. that's when your luck will renew.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Superstar" by Shinee

"Destruction" by Piri (feat. Kold-Blooded)

"Hold On" by H.E.R

"Out Of Control" by The Boyz

Signs:

"i wanna be free"; "don't take me for granted"; "i'm only hurting me"; "perfect control"; "he left us all behind"; "you promised"; air signs (gemini, libra, aquarius); relationship problems; "what happened to the plan we had"; monolingual; someone in the field of science and technology; astronomy; planter/green thumb; non-committal; someone is cheating; "whoopsie"; petite/small (could be thoughts or physical size)

Reading:

there's a lot of anger in the people that chose this pile. you might naturally be generous towards others and be the type of person to give your last when you have none. you gain a lot from being this generous and helpful towards others. one harsh truth you need to hear is that everyone isn't your friend, so stop continuing to be overly helpful when people have shown their intentions towards you. you're not obligated to save and help everyone you come across. stop following in the footsteps of tradition and allowing people to take your kindness for granted.

at this current point in time, someone is manipulating you because you're allowing them to. you know that they are because you've recently started feeling more upset than usual - that's because your inner and higher self know that you're downplaying your worth and allowing yourself to be walked all over. it's time to break the precedent you've set and create a new one. when you allow this anger to be heard and seen, people will recognize it and you will begin feeling at peace again. make the decision and follow through with actions to show your seriousness and relieve yourself of the anger you feel before it hardens and turns into greed and a lack of willingness to help others at any point.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Bills, Bills, Bills" by Destiny's Child

"Mo Money (Interlude)" by J. Cole

"Who Says" by Selena Gomez

"You Don't Know Me" by Ariana Grande

Signs:

"i wouldn't wanna be anybody else"; "i'm sure you've got some things you'd like to change about yourself"; "you don't know where i've been"; "you think you know, but you have no idea"; "they don't understand"; someone is science and technology; someone planning on changing the future of society; someone with a heart for humanity; empath; self employment; seemingly no direction; spontaneity; "just winging it tbh"; 30s; medium or dark hair (ie. black, jet black, raven black)

Reading:

first, if you also felt drawn to pile i go read it first. pile i and you have similar topics in that both of you currently feel insecure and might even be feeling like you have imposter syndrome. you're thinking "am i even good enough to do what it is i'm being told to"? "why do people view me in this way when i'm nothing like that?". despite this, there's also a little voice in your head and/or heart that gives you hope and is giving you insight from afar even if you feel it's hard to interpret or understand. your harsh truth is that your anxiety and shortsightedness is what's holding you back from seeing the light. you need to have confidence in yourself because without it you will falter and never feel good enough. other people's compliments and encouragement will mean nothing until you give them to yourself.

this may come as a surprise to some of you - fame and recognition is in your future, but you know the idea of "you never know what's happening behind closed doors"? when you receive this limelight, you will never feel satisfied with what you're doing and your accomplishments until you praise yourself for what you've done. the most meaningful gifts and compliments must come from yourself or else all the others are just words and material things. you can't allow self-pity and depression allow you to not see yourself for the gem and unique person you are. you deserve to see the beauty in yourself. freeing yourself from needing others' compliments and instead giving them to yourself will free you from your current stress.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"No Scrubs" by TLC

"Blow The Whistle" by Too Short

"Run" by Otis Kane

"pride.is.the.devil" by J. Cole (feat. Lil Baby)

Signs:

"pride is the devil.. i think it got a hold on me"; "pride is the reason for the dichotomy"; "stop"; "i get breathless"; screen time/movies; work; social butterfly; little miss/mister perfect; "everything i touch turns to gold"; sexual frustration/release; not self employed; working for a big company; striving for recognition and overwhelming success; medium or dark hair (ie. brown, brunette, mousy brown); skillful; jack of all trades; (former) procrastinator; "one less problem"; "this is the come up"

Reading:

the people choosing this pile are hard workers willing to do anything in order to achieve their wants and dreams. you have a strong willpower and mind set that enables you to be successful often. you'll continue to work until you're on your last leg and suffering both mentally and physically. you don't allow others to help you even when you need it. your harsh truth is that you're so oblivious it hurts. you need to re-evaluate what you're doing and the track you're heading down as a result of your actions and instincts. you're leading yourself down a path where plans will get canceled either because of event issues or because of personal health issues. you know the saying "if you don't take a break your body will force you to take one"? that's the path you're currently working towards. this will eventually lead you to feelings of gloom and self-doubt. you'll think that this path isn't for you or your beliefs are wrong when in reality, you're just working too hard. you are on the right path, but even those following the correct way need breaks.

remember to look for and enjoy the little parts of life. if you're so focused on meeting the next goal/the next finish line, then you'll never appreciate it when you meet the one you were striving for last time. you'll always be on the search for the next best thing, and you'll end up never being satisfied which would be unfortunate because blessings and luck are intrinsically linked to you. do all things in moderation and change the current way you view your reaching of goals in order to have true satisfaction.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Jealous" by Kehlani feat. Lexii Alijai

"Superstar" by Shinee

"My Name Is" by Eminem

"Attention" by Charlie Puth

Signs:

12:11; "i can't just invest in shit"; "i see right through it"; "if this is the way it is, don't even put me through it"; "you just want attention"; "i know that dress is karma, perfume regret"; sexual expriences/first time; intelligence; mystery; hidden enemies; hidden intentions; science and technology; computer science; tall (in height); skillful; high position; travel and adventure; air sign (libra, gemini, aquarius); "i suck at letting go"; age gap; "die a little bit"; "i wanna be prepared; just in case"; "come my way"

Reading:

so many many messages came out for this pile, so you could be the most confused about your current life situation, or you're being oblivious to signs being sent to you. you're naturally in tune with the divine feminine, your emotions, and your intuition. you're such an original with rich skill and the resources to succeed (even if you don't feel you do). new beginnings are at the tip of your future, and you're staring at them in awe, but the inner feelings you harbor towards prior experiences that have turned sour keeps them from reaching you like you expect. it's like you want revenge against those that have wronged you. by the way, if you were drawn to pile ii, please go read it! i feel that some people overlap between that pile and this one. your harsh truth aligns with theirs in that you can't let prior experiences sour your future.

as of now, your bitterness and craving for revenge is leading you to be lethargic and experience delays. you might even feel frustrated because, again, you can see new beginnings and blessings in sight but they're being kept away from you. they will continue to be out of reach until you allow karma to do its work on its own and not influence the outcome. this is going to be hard to understand, but you need to learn to forgive whoever hurt you; this doesn't mean you have to be friends with them or be totally enthusiastic when thinking about them, but you need to at least allow yourself to be indifferent towards them. like i said before, you need to allow karma and the universe to do the work of allowing them to reap what they've sown. you need to forgive in order to heal. after you do that, you will feel so secure and see the blessings you've been eyeing plop directly into your lap. a new found love and connection will likely present itself afterwards also.

this is your Tower moment in that you need to remove your prior foundation and buildings in order to create something grander and more fit for you rather than for others who have pressured or influenced you to do something different. this pettiness is not of you, so don't allow it to consume you. allow optimism and passion for something new to fill you and leave behind what brings about depression and anger. listen to your intuition and think over the dreams your guides have sent you. it's time for you to heal and go on new journeys rather than wallowing in despair.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Dancing Like Butterfly Wings" by Ateez

"no tears left to cry (live)" by Ariana Grande

"No Friends In The Industry" by Drake

"make up (live)" by Ariana Grande

Signs:

"i wanna be in the gold of time"; "highlight of my life"; "i love it when we make up"; "it's a mood; it's a vibe"; 20s; quiet time; introvert; culinary arts; foodie; performing arts; artistic kid; earth sign (taurus, virgo, capricorn); narcissism; medium or dark hair (ie. black, brown); tan complexion; spring break; vacations/traveling; study abroad; ariana grande stan

Reading:

this pile has been feeling nostalgic recently. you miss your childhood, don't you? you miss the feelings of not being worried, of being free of adult responsibilities and stressors. you miss when your biggest worry was whether or not your friend would be at school so you two could play together. you might be in high school or college as of now and although you're experiencing some successes, something is missing. you feel as if you need to go through a rebirth phase; you need something or someone new and exciting to come in and give you a shock. you're daydreaming of this a ton to the point where it might even be messing up your study schedule or something of the sort. you could be separating from your childhood friends and that's also partially why you feel nostalgic.

your harsh truth is that a whole new community of people and friends are waiting on you and willing to give you the new and exciting life you're looking for, but you're avoiding or ignoring them. you might not even know them personally yet, but your daydreaming on old friendships keeps you from opening up to others. maybe your shyness gets the best of you? or you worry if old bad habits will pop up and ruin everything, but you need to slowly but surely put yourself out there. do everything in moderation and at your own pace. be willing to be uncomfortable in order to experience what you daydream about. create new foundations in order to become the next version of yourself.

[creature-wizard]

I need people to understand that when you're dealing with anxiety, depression, irritability, whatever, anything that puts you into a competitive mindset can Fuck You Up.

Affirmations like "I'm an it girl, I'm so gorgeous I turn heads everywhere I go, people can't stop thinking about me" put you in a competitive mindset because you're defining your worth by how much popularity you have; basically, you're programming yourself to think that the only way you can be happy and have worth is if you're more popular than others.

Every time you stop and think about how you don't have all that popularity, your mental health is going to take a hit because right now, you feel like a worthless, unlovable loser. You might totally spiral into some very dangerous territory, psychologically speaking.

Being in a competitive mindset makes you a meaner person because you see people who are more popular and successful than you (or at least seem to be more popular and successful) as your enemy. You feel like you have to defeat them to get ahead. And if you can't take that urge out on them, you're probably going to redirect it somewhere else - on someone else - because displaced aggression is a thing.

This is also why the Law of Assumption is so dangerous. Being an early 20th century form of capitalist mysticism, it frames your personal success as a simple matter of belief and willpower. Today, it lures people in with the promise that you can become a "high value person" if you just put your mind to it.

If high value people exist, then it also follows that there must be low value people. If you are not a high value person, then you are a low value person - and therefore unworthy and unlovable. This is psychological poison, especially to those who already struggle with their self-image.

The solution to self-esteem problems isn't to try and lifehack your way to the top of the hierarchy. Not only is highly unlikely it'll work, but it wouldn't even make you happy if it did. Look at Donald Trump and Elon Musk; they have billions of dollars and loads of fame, and yet they're both miserable and insecure.

The solution is to get yourself out of competition mentality. Instead of saying affirmations like "I'm so beautiful that I turn heads everywhere I go," try "I deserve love and respect no matter how I look." Instead of "I'm an it girl," try "I am capable of learning and growing." Instead of "I'm a high value person," try "I deserve happiness and fulfillment."

Get yourself out of the competition mindset, and you'll very likely find your mental health improving quite a lot.

[silversweetpea]

Peer Review

pairing: Spencer reid x reader (gn)

word count: 1895

warning: This is probably really sappy but other than that i don’t think so?

summary: The genius and the student and the very obvious thing between them they both weren’t seeing.

author’s note: this is wildly self indulgent because I'm struggling with staying motivated with school and really just wanted to image a cute coffee date with Spencer. I have an idea for a second part so keep an eye out for me continuing to be wildly indulgent the next time I get sad about making my reference page lmao

❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀

You weren’t hiding your college course from your coworkers. If Hotch or Morgan or even Garcia had asked you would tell them flat out that you had classes you were studying for. It wasn’t a big deal and if anyone in the world was going to understand what it was like to be addicted to working on something, it would be them.

If you were to hide it though, you would want the man approaching your table to be the last to know. 

“Hey Doc, what’s up?” Reid smiled again, a little dopey and a little bashful, the same one that you got every time you called him by the nickname. Seeing him in this moment was almost worth having been at the table since you had slipped out of the office yesterday afternoon. 

“Just, uh, you mentioned this coffee shop on the past few three cases straight. I figured I might as well try it while I had a chance.” It was your turn to smile, world suddenly a little brighter at his comment. You’d be the first to call anyone else in your circumstance hypocritical or indecisive to be so giddy over someone proving that they’ve been listening to you while trying so hard to hide something from them. Lucky for you, you weren’t anyone else and Spencer, as attentive as he was, had yet to comment on your sudden love of textbooks or attachment to your laptop.

“Good right? Have a seat, tell me what you got.” He was quick to slip into the spot across from you, long legs brushing yours under the table. You’ve never been more thankful for the close quarters as you are in that moment. Your laptop gets drawn towards you, but not quite closed. There was no telling if it would turn back on if you gave it a chance to rest.

“I have no clue. I didn’t know what most of the drinks had in them and by the time i got to the front of the line there were people behind me. Whatever it is cost six bucks.” His voice is tired and part of you longs to cup his face in your hand, to run your finger along the bags forming under his eyes. You’re not sure how tired he must be to not rehearse his order like usual but you’re not sure you could handle finding out either. It helps explain the dramatic drink - nearly half of which you’re sure is whip cream - in front of him at least. 

“Well, give it a try.” Spencer looks skeptical of the rather frilly drink in his hand but when you nod towards it, you get to see him lift it to his lips. More importantly you get to see the slight mustache that forms on his upper lip.

Your brain wonders what he would taste like if you kissed him. 

The more rational part of your brain simply leans over and uses a spare napkin to wipe the offending sweetness off his face.

It doesn’t occur to you that Reid has issues with people in his space until you’ve already settled back into your chair, napkin at your side and a dumbstruck look on his face. You’ve never seen brown eyes so blown wide or his hands so still where they still held his drink.

“Sorry about that. It’s worth it though right?” Spencer barely blinks as you give a stilted laugh and sip at your own drink - despite the fact that its now well past its peak at hours old. 

“Yeah,” The tired edge is gone, replaced with something breathy. Whatever it is though, Spencer gets a hold of himself with a short clearing of his throat and a look to the laptop you had nearly, blessedly, forgotten about. “What are you working on?”

“Oh just, stuff,” Raised eyebrows, teasing smile. If your job didn’t kill you, if this homework didn’t kill you, it would be him. Even as you cringe you can feel the knock of his knees against yours again. “You know, organizing my email, going through old files, that sort of thing.”

Hands you would recognize by shadow alone close the distance, small as it is, painfully slow. It’s a polite way to argue, an unspoken question you answer with a resigned sigh and a sip of your drink once more as you watch those beautiful features light up with surprise.

“This is an essay.” The words aren’t accusatory like you had thought they would be, they’re not even joking, just confused. It makes looking up at him a bit easier though it does nothing to stop the way that your heart skips at the eye contact.

“In theory.” Your weak response makes him smile again, mouth faltering with no noise as you slid the laptop back towards yourself. 

“Why are you writing an essay?” It’s innocent but your eyes are already skimming through the paper again, spotting all the mistakes that Spencer’s just seen and feeling your stomach plumet at the extent of them all. The bravery that had been surging through you at his presence suddenly slipped away. 

“You have to promise you won’t laugh.” His hair falls into his eyes just a bit when he nods, face serious in a way that you’ve never seen outside of the field. Though you suppose that you’ve only ever had a good reason to invite him out alone once or twice and if he was nervous with the group he’d probably keep that to himself if possible. Your eyes drift back to your cup at your side and the finger you have running around the rim of the cup to avoid looking at him. “I’ve been doing an online class recently. Figured it was about time to start updating what I know so I don’t get rusty.”

The silence between you feels unjustly vulnerable. 

“That’s...wow.” Soft as a feather. Would that be what it felt like to feel his breath on your skin too? Not looking up means that you can’t tell what he’s trying to say with just two words and it only takes a second to compose yourself. 

“I know it’s nothing compared to your wall of degrees bu-” Your gaze only snaps to Spencer when a warm hand covers your own.

“No that’s not it. I just can’t believe you found time to go back to school with all the cases we handle. Do you ever sleep?” Silence again, as if the rest of the cafe is holding its breath too while you search for some sign of insincerity. There isn’t though, not with Spencer. 

“There’s a reason I like this coffee shop.” The noise comes back all at once when you catch the smallest bit of a laugh. You don’t mind this one though, it almost sounds relieved coming from him. “Though I like it less when I’m cut off for the day.”

“How long have you been here?” Warmth floods your veins, embarrassment catching you by surprise. The strange looks of baristas who ring you out several times a visit was one thing. Watching Spencer’s brow furrow, or his hair shift as he leaned ever so slightly towards you, was another. 

The cold air feels like a brick being dropped on your hand when you pull back into yourself. Your eyes glue themselves to the laptop screen and the blinking cursor that seemed to mock you there. 

“Long enough to rewrite this essay four times and still hate it. I meant to write it in the hotel rooms but the case wrapped early and then there was paper work and-” You hadn’t even noticed the hand snaking back in your direction until the laptop you’d been focused on was pulled from your grip.

“Let me take a look,” Spencer says as if you’re not floundering like a fish out of water. The nerves have just enough time to build in your throat, suffocating you, before you realize that you’re just as anxious about the ease in which the genius offers his help. Its the same way that he saves you a seat on the jet or offers to grab you something from the breakroom. Its the same as when you share those quiet in-between moments where you learn about his life in exchange for bits of your own and marvel at how perfect they seem to fit together despite your concerns.

“If it’s bad you can say so. I know that I’m not the best at the whole essay thing. Tests I can study for but open ended ‘explain this concept I barely touched upon in class’ moments aren’t my strong suit.” He says nothing, but you can see a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. It’s hard to tell what that means for your paper but for your heart is means another skipped beat. The words keep coming in an attempt to ignore that though. “You know maybe I should just go. It’s not fair to make you review that on your day off-”

“(Y/n), calm down,” The anxiety simmers and then evaporates completely when he looks up at you again. the smile makes his eyes shine and Spencer voice is light with a laugh that doesn’t seem quite able to break free. You’re sure in that moment that time stops, that you’ve spent an eternity just allowing yourself to get lost in familiarity. Your line of work doesn’t leave much room for domestic day dreams, nights spent at the dinner table or lazy Sunday afternoons but for a minute you can see it all ahead of you and reflected back in Spencer’s gaze. “Your essay is fine. I’m just going to leave some notes for you to review later and then you can have it back.”

“Why not just tell me now?” The words are still breathless, but when he looks back to the screen, the sound of typing filling the space between you two, your lungs seem more accepting of the air you gulp down. For the first time in your life you understand how it must feel to be a smoker, addicted to the same thing robbing you of your ability to breathe.

“Because I’m walking you home. You look like you haven’t slept since you left the office.” Easy, confident, said in the same tone of voice that he’d use to tell you the sky is blue and although you want to argue, want to insist that you stay put until the essay if finished and submitted you don’t have it in you to deny him that truth. 

“Okay, just let me grab something to drink that isn’t hours old.” 

“Here,” Spencer hands off his drink in one hand and swipes your laptop bag with the other, throwing the strap over his shoulder. “It seems like something you’d like.”

When he stands, you’re pretty sure you catch a glimpse of red in his cheeks, but you’re so busy thinking about the fact that you’re sipping from the same cup that you can’t trust your own eyes. Nor can you fathom how he knew that this was your favorite drink if slightly sweeter from the caffeine free flavoring used. 

All you know is that when Spencer almost trips over himself to hold the door open on the way out, you’re thinking again of what it’d be like to kiss him. 

[stardustvanfleet]

Here With You - Jake Kiszka x Reader

FLUFF blurb. 937 words.

You wake up with a terrible cold, but your boyfriend Jake is here to comfort you. He's got you. this is entirely self-indulgent because i have an awful cold i mean what

tagging some of my jake babes @sinsofstardust (thank you for encouraging me to write this and for beta reading!! i love you court!) @sparrowofthedawnsworld @texas-bbq-pringles @jakesguitarsolo @losfacedevil @tommie-gvf @lightmylove-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @heavens-hearken

soft tender jake begins under the cut <3

“Jakey… I’m… I’m not feeling very well.”

It was morning, and you had only just woken up in the bed you shared with your boyfriend to a splitting headache. Normally, the only sensation you were accustomed to as you shook away the curtains of sleep were Jake’s arms around you, but today waking up was accompanied by an overwhelming achiness and stuffiness that was impossible to ignore. As you spoke, your words came out raspier than you had intended, but perhaps that was to be expected with your lungs, throat and nose feeling as miserable as they currently were.

Jake, still spooning you with his lips pressed sleepily to your shoulder, sat up a bit straighter at your words, his arms tightening around your waist. His voice was still thick with sleep, and tender with concern, as he asked softly, “What’s the matter, honey?”

You turned over onto your back so you could face him, his hands remaining around your waist as you cuddled into him in this new position, and looked up to meet his gaze. Even through the uncomfortable pressure in your head and the raw feeling at the back of your throat, you couldn’t help but smile a bit as you made eye contact. Jake’s presence alone was comforting in that way. He had slept in one of his old t-shirts, with his silver chain necklace tucked underneath the soft cotton. Somehow, the way his hair was tousled from the pillow made him all the more beautiful.

“I think I’ve got a cold…” you started, but you were cut off by a sudden coughing fit, and Jake pulled you closer into his chest as your lungs struggled for a moment. The fabric was thin, and you could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. A sense of calm washed over you as Jake held you through your coughs— and when you finally caught your breath, you looked back up at him sheepishly, adding, “...it might be a bad one.”

“Oh, baby… my sweet girl… I’m sorry,” Jake murmured, keeping one hand on your waist while the other reached up to brush your hair out of your face, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. You hummed, sighing contentedly, melting into the feeling of his arms around you, and how safe he made you feel. Jake was leaving chaste, gentle kisses across your forehead now, moving across your temples to your cheeks, still speaking softly to you between each one. “Don’t you worry about a thing today, okay…? You won’t have to lift a finger… I’m gonna take care of you, baby… whatever you need… I’ve got tea, I’ve got soup…” Jake’s voice trailed off for a moment as he pulled back only for a moment— grinning a little at the look of adoration on your face, chuckling under his breath with endearment, before letting his hand cup your cheek ever-so-tenderly. “...and I’ve got plenty more of these.”

He leaned in and captured your lips with his, his kiss so slow, so loving, so gentle. You felt a blush creep up in your cheeks as you smiled against him. His lips were so soft, and they knew you so well. When he finally did pull back, you were giggling despite yourself. “Jakey… I don’t wanna get you sick…”

He shrugged. “Baby, we live together… it might be unavoidable anyways. And, for the record…” He gave you a smile that made your heart swell within your chest. He was already leaning in again as he finished his thought.  “...it’s always worth it to kiss you…”

The kiss was patient, warm. A promise to take care of you. Not just today, but always. Despite the ache in your head and the burning in your lungs, a sense of peace washed over you as you kissed him back, falling head over heels once again into the familiar feeling of your lips moving in harmony. Home.

You couldn’t be sure how long this second kiss lasted— it could have been minutes —but in the end, you only pulled away to avert your mouth from your boyfriend’s as another cough forced its way out from your lungs. Jake hummed a soft sound of affectionate pity, murmuring, “My poor baby… what can I do for you right now, love?”

As you caught your breath again and cleared your throat, you let out a sigh, wrapping your arms around him and cuddling right back into his chest. As if subconsciously, he instantly pulled you in tighter, his own arms enveloping you in his warmth. “Right now, Jakey, I just want you to hold me…”

Another soft sound of satisfaction hummed from Jake’s lips as he looked down at you with those warm brown eyes, a smile on his face that tugged at all of your heartstrings just right. He leaned in to press another kiss to your forehead, saying quietly right against your skin, “I think I can manage that.”

You let your face press into his shirt, the warmth of his body and the blankets already somehow making you feel somewhat better. He’d take care of you. You knew he would. Clinging to him, you felt sleep once again beckoning to you, but Jake seemed to encourage it— letting his hand stroke up and down your back comfortingly. It was still early. You had all the time in the world.

As you began to doze off against him, you murmured out soft, sleepy gratitudes to the feeling of his heartbeat. “I love you, Jakey.” When he spoke, his voice was a whisper. “I love you too… so much, baby.”

[fizziepopangel]

A Fizziepop Take: Let's talk about Blitz's new look at Stolas

Ok, so in the past, I’ve talked about how the incident at Ozzie’s put more strain on an already fragile relationship, thus solidifying the idea a certain imp had in his mind that he was essentially beneath Stolas in every way he possibly could be and therefore unworthy of love. This ideology made the relationship between the pair appear strictly transactional since Blitz wouldn’t let it be anything else because he himself feels that that’s how it should be; that it’s all it could be. Now don’t get me wrong, Stolas isn’t completely innocent in making the whole relationship feel more like a transaction than a relationship, but in this instance, we’re gonna focus on Blitz and what I believe his turn around will be based off this newest episode because I believe that it could be a game-changer for their relationship and Blitz’s own character development. So let’s get into it!

As I’ve pointed out previously, Blitz has felt like he’s been used as a glorified sex toy since the beginning of their relationship. And given the hierarchy of the demons, Blitz is already pretty low on the totem being an imp while Stolas sits somewhere on top…. We can see that Blitz understands that when he’s tripping balls in “Truth Seekers”, but because of this, it seems that Blitz got it in his mind that Stolas was less than ‘human’ (for lack of a better term). Because of the status difference, Blitz always just assumed the other demon was unfeeling, uncaring, and essentially indestructible; building this image of the demon prince in his head that is a romanticized version of him that truly was worlds above where Blitz sees himself. And until “Western Energy” came out today, this is really the only version we’re shown of Stolas because we seem to be seeing the man the way Blitz does. Is he whiny? Sometimes. But do things hurt him? From Blitz’s point of view, no. 

We as the audience see maybe two or three times where Stolas is truly vulnerable but it seems to end just as quickly as it starts. Blitz doesn’t see that side of him. Granted, I believe Stolas does want a relationship with Blitz where he can be vulnerable in ways he never was able to before and because he has a preconceived notion of what their relationship is, Blitz shuts down any attempt Stolas tries to initiate intimacy… But I think in the imp doing this and Stolas just blindly going with it to try to appease Blitz has given the image of someone made of stone… And being so used to the abuse from Stella, Stolas doesn’t see that he’s almost restarting the cycle with Blitz by allowing the imp to be as mean as he is to him; even going as far as to tell Blitz through text that he can be mean to him if it’s what he wants. I think this genuinely leads Blitz to believe that Stolas can't be hurt in any way, emotionally to physically.

In all honesty, it’s interesting to look at Blitz in this light where he seems to unintentionally be another abusive relationship that Stolas is trapping himself in because you can see that the imp does genuinely care for the owl, even if he thinks he shouldn’t. That is why the incident at Ozzie’s was such a big deal to him, because after some time, I think Blitz was slowly trying to open himself up to Stolas and whatever little progress he made was pretty much crushed when Stolas basically refused to acknowledge the fact that he’s out with him in public when confronted. For someone like Blitz who struggles with communication and bases their self worth on how others view him, Stolas not wanting to be seen with him in public but being kind to him when no one else is around would have destroyed every sense of security he may have been starting to feel with the other man. Like just shredded it. Which in turn, is going to cause a rift that Blitz will rationalize as just him not being worth anything more even though he is actively contributing to the rift by refusing to communicate.

Now, the interesting part: in the newest episode of Helluva Boss, Blitz actually has a chance to view a more humanized idea of Stolas. It sucks that it took Stolas being damn near murdered and hospitalized for Blitz to see him on a different level, but it does happen. I think this in turn may give us a more freely feeling version of Blitz down the line. We can already see small fragmented moments when Blitz is genuinely worried about Stolas, genuinely cares about him, but he still keeps himself distant…. Seeing something bad happen to Stolas does open the man up a little, prompting him to text the man while he’s in the hospital to let him know that he hopes he feels better. Despite how minor that may seem, I think it is a step in the right direction, and I do think he’ll see a more personified version of Stolas which could prompt him to want to be closer to him, meaning he would have to stop pushing his feelings down to allow himself to wander into this territory of emotional vulnerability he may have seen but never experienced.

While I trust Vivzie completely in this journey she’s taking us on, this is definitely a route I really hope she takes because I truly do want to see the two men get a happy ending of some sort whether that’s at the end of the series or it advances their storyline together through the rest of the series.  But this is just a Fizzie take on things so far. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on how Blitz and Stolas’ relationship seems to be going.

[lottiette]

Hort X Self Harming Reader.

Authors note: Hi everyone, I know I haven’t posted in forever. Just haven’t had any motivation and just got done with exams. I’m going to try to get to some of the requests I have. This wasn’t a request but I’m literally in love with this man, and I’m struggling a bit at the moment so it helps. Also this is book and a little bit of movie Hort.

If you are struggling with self harm; please try to reach out. I know it’s hard. But you are worth so much more than misery. Please take care of yourselves.

Trigger Warning: self harm, mentions of killing(nothing graphic or anything, just Hort:), mentions of scars

- He would wolf out/kill anyone who dare lay a finger on you, so you hurting yourself is a big no no.

- When he first saw cuts/burns on you he almost wolfed out then and there. Who the hell had the audacity to even think about touching you! (Especially if this is during the third book, “Last Ever After” He is jacked and at the top! He’s captain for goodness sake. You’d have to be an idiot to hurt something of his.)

- So when he goes to try to find out who did it, you have to explain that they’re self inflicted. If you’re open about it, he listens. But if you try to give him stuff like “It’s nothing.” “Don’t worry about it.” “It’s not a big deal.” “No one hurt me.” Etc. He’s not taking that. You being stubborn isn’t going to stop him from finding the perpetrator.

- He’s devastated when he finds out that they’re by you. Like what do you mean his favorite person, his queen/king hurt themselves? He’s angry. Not necessarily at you, but with the thought as a whole. Why? Why? Why would you do that?

- He wants to understand. He really does. He wants you to tell him.

- He listens to you but you’re not hurting yourself anymore. Not happening. He’s possessive. You’re not hurting you because that hurts him.

- He monitors you. He watches your interactions with others more closely. If you show any signs of “getting itchy” he’s pulling you out of there.

- If anyone says anything negative about you he’s beating them up.(he already would’ve done that, but it’s more intense now.)

- He’s going to protect you no matter what. If that’s taking away sharp objects, pills, lighters, whatever it may be, he’ll do it.

- He would wrist check you(or wherever you self harm), but not openly. Like he’s not going to go “show me your wrists” but he’s going to subtly look in the spots where he knows you self harm.

- He’s the type that would rather you cut him than yourself.

- If you don’t properly care for the injuries, he will. He doesn’t care how much you object.

- He checks up on you a lot. Just little “How are you?”s and if he feels like you’re lying he’s calling you out on it. He’s been manipulated and lied to a lot, you’re not doing it too.

- If a person is the problem(like you’re being bullied or something) they’re dead. If it’s past traumas he’ll listen. He can’t really kill the problem cause it already happened but he wishes he could.

- If you’re in a depression and can’t get out of bed, then he’s going to drag you out. Sometimes he’ll lay and hold you there(because let’s be honest sometimes we just can’t get up. And that’s okay.)

- He really just wants you to be okay, and he’ll be there every step of the way, no matter how long it takes.

- He’ll kiss your scars/injuries and remind you that they don’t define you or make you ugly.

- He thinks that you’re worth so much more than the pain you’re putting on yourself, and he’s going to make sure you see that too eventually.

- If you’re someone who doesn’t cover their fresh cuts/burns/whatever (Let me just say real quick: People who don’t cover fresh cuts/wounds are not attention seekers. They just do not care to cover them because people don’t usually notice or say anything anyways. They are just people who don’t care to sweat in hoodies and stuff. There are people who do self harm for attention, but even still if someone is hurting themselves for attention it still shows that something is wrong and they need help. Never judge someone based on a scar.) Anyways, if you don’t cover and someone says something ☠️. Hort is not tolerating that. Or if they say something about scars. ☠️

That’s all for now unless I think of more. Bottom line is he just wants you safe. Remember if you are self harming, you aren’t alone. There are people who love you and will want to help you. It’s okay to reach out, and it’s okay to be scared. I love you guys, take care of yourselves.