#Yesterday I complained to my mom about my allergies being Terrible and she was like well if your current meds aren’t working

[shima-draws]

Oooghhgjgh I can’t settle down please send some asks perhaps? 🙏

[corystssides]

Roommates, Part 6

Words: 2885

Summary: “I thought you guys were trying to like each other now?”

“We are trying, it’s just...things don’t change overnight, you know?”

Warnings: Swearing, arguments, family troubles, OCs, mildly inappropriate jokes, I think that’s it but lmk as usual.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Logan walked into Astronomy on Wednesday already tired. He wouldn’t have thought that 8 am classes would be so exhausting, especially since his high school had always started at seven, but with calculus as the very first class of the day, it was miserable. And he still had chemistry to go. And, since he wasn’t seeing a sudden increase in his bank account that would cover the amount of his tuition this month, probably a call to his family later today as well.

“Gurl, you wouldn’t even believe--Logan, what’s up? You look like hell.”

“Good morning, Remanuel,” Logan said. He was surprised his lab partner was already here. Usually the guy showed up 30 seconds before class started.

“Listen, dude, I’m gonna have to get you to start calling me Remy, kay? I tried the full name gig for a few weeks, but I have to say, I’m not digging it.”

“Certainly, Remy,” Logan said, dropping his backpack and pulling out his notebook.

“Anyway, Char, I was at lab yesterday with Logan and we’re trying to position the scope but it’s being old and stupid, so James the TA came over to help, and afterwards we were talking about stars and shit, and he pointed at a plane, and he tried to convince me they were shooting stars! He’s like ‘oh yeah, you see those lights? Those two white ones moving together? Those are double shooting stars. Really rare. They always travel together at that same distance.’”

“You looked like you believed him for a second there,” Logan said, grinning.

“I almost did, for a second! I was like, ‘no, surely James is not trying to pull something that obvious over on me!’ But he was, and it was really funny after about two seconds of total confusion.”

“So what did you observe?” Charlotte, one of Logan’s other lab partners asked.

“We observed some cluster thing, y’know, one of the letter-number combination things. And we also observed Vega. That’s all we got though, because the lab got mobbed by a bunch of 101 students who needed moon observations, so we left.”

“Wait, what did you observe?” And there was Alex, their final lab partner.

Remy repeated what he’d just said, then added, “Logan’s got the papers. He seems less likely to lose them than me.”

“Sounds good,” Alex said. “Charlotte and I can start on the report then, since you guys did observations.”

“Do you want the papers?” Logan asked him, pulling the sheets out of his backpack.

“Sure. I’ll scan them and make a group folder on Google for them, sound good? That way we can all access them, and if we lose them we can just print another.”

“That is a genius idea, Alex,” Remy said. “Oh, and, off-topic, but do you pals wanna hang out on Friday? I’m going to a little music show downtown with my partner and some other friends, super cheap, like ten bucks, it’s this local band called The Cosmic Brownies.”

“I’m working, sorry,” Alex said.

“You’re always working,” Remy said. “It’s at eight.”

Alex shrugged. “I’m working until eleven.”

“I’m going home this weekend,” Charlotte said.

“To see your lizard?” Remy asked.

“Hell yes,” Charlotte said.

“What about you, Logan? You gonna join my squad on Friday?”

“Sure,” Logan said. “Where’s it at?”

“Easier question: where do you live? I’ll just pick you up on Friday.”

“Sanders Hall.”

“Great,” Remy said, pulling out his phone. “Wear like, casual clothes, like t-shirt and jeans probably. And contacts if you have them. And earplugs.”

“Why would I need contacts and earplugs?”

“It’s gonna be loud. Don’t worry, you’ll still be able to hear the music. And you might wanna mosh, I dunno, so bring contacts if you have them so you don’t have to worry about getting your glasses knocked off.”

“Okay, class, good morning!” the professor said, walking in. And on that note, Astronomy began.

~

After Astronomy, Logan headed over to the dining hall on that side of campus. It’s full name was Home Cook’t, but everyone just called it Homes. He got in line after putting his backpack in one of the storage cubbies, and saw that Virgil was already way up in front. He glanced over the rest of the line. No sign of Patton yet, which meant that he’d probably gone back to the dorms after his 8 am instead of the library today.

Patton, Virgil, and Logan had all started eating lunch together on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays about a week ago, once they finally compared schedules and realized they all had an hour of free time from 11-12 on those days. Virgil and Logan were already on that side of campus at 11, while Patton had class at 12:20, so he came over for lunch and then went to class. Roman joined them once, but since all his MWF classes were in Stoker--on the same side of campus as Sanders--he usually didn’t feel like walking all the way across campus to Homes, and instead ate at Talon Hall with theatre friends and then did homework at the dorms for a bit before returning to Stoker.

Once Logan had gone through the food lines and gotten a hamburger, some salad, a soda, and some cookies, he scanned the dining hall for Virgil. He spotted him at one of the tables by the windows, and walked over. Virgil barely glanced up and said hello. His focus was on his phone and whatever he was furiously typing at.

“What’re you doing?” Logan asked.

“Chem quiz.”

“You haven’t done that yet?” Logan asked.

Virgil flipped him off without taking his eyes off the screen. Logan rolled his eyes but stayed quiet, letting Virgil concentrate. While he waited, he tried to plan what, exactly, he’d say to his parents when the phone call inevitably came. And what he’d say if they told him that they weren’t going to pay their agreed part of the tuition anymore. And what he’d say if they told him that he was a miserable excuse for a son and they never wanted to see him again.

Then he realized he was catastrophizing, and tried to quit that line of thinking. It was illogical to be thinking like that. No doubt Dad had just forgotten that it was Wednesday and he had to transfer the money to Logan’s account today. Nothing to worry about at all.

Virgil finished his quiz about five minutes later, less than 30 seconds before Patton showed up.

“Hey guys!” Patton said, plopping down with some pizza and french fries.

“Hey Pat,” Virgil said, slipping his phone into his pocket. Logan waved, not wanting to talk with food in his mouth.

“So Makayla just texted me, and she and Jenny aren’t going to make it,” Patton said. It’s just going to be the four of us tonight.”

“Whose dorm, then?” Logan asked.

“Depends. How clean is your guys’ dorm?” Patton asked.

“Spotless,” Virgil said. “Logan can’t stand anything less.”

“I’m not the one who was sweeping at two a.m. this morning,” Logan said.

“Yeah, but you would be the one who complained after stepping on popcorn when you got up.”

“Let’s do your guys’ dorm then,” Patton said. “Roman’s working on a project right now that’s kind of taken over the dorm, and it would be a project in itself just to clean it up.”

“Sounds good,” Virgil said. “I have Risk, so we could play that.”

“I brought Monopoly from home,” Patton said, grinning. “We can switch games then, if one gets too heated.”

Logan nodded. That would be a better idea than trying to stick to one game or calling the night off.

“My moms also sent over some tofu loaf, so as long as neither of you are allergic to soy, you guys get to experience my mother’s cooking, which, by the way, is the bomb!”

“Neither of us are allergic to soy,” Logan said. “Virgil’s lactose intolerant, though.”

“It’s not super severe, but straight-up milk will mess me up. Cheese is usually okay as long as I don’t have too much. So like, I can still eat a slice of pizza usually,” Virgil said. “How do you even know that? I don’t think I’ve ever told you that.”

“You told me in one of the first few emails we sent each other, after I asked if there were any dietary restrictions I should be aware of,” Logan said.

“I don’t remember that at all,” Virgil said, pulling out his phone to see if he really had emailed that at one point.

“It was one of the emails that had fifty or so questions in it, so it’s unlikely you would remember everything I asked,” Logan said.

“I’ll be sure to remember that, Virgil,” Patton said. “I’d feel terrible if I got you sick. On that note, though, are you allergic to anything Logan?”

“I have seasonal allergies, but I don’t have any food allergies, no.”

“I remember this email now,” Virgil muttered. “I forgot about the food question because the most memorable part of this email was me freaking out because I misinterpreted the question where you asked if I wanted the top bunk or the bottom bunk.”

Logan made a noise of amusement into his soda. Patton looked confused. “How do you misinterpret a question like that?” he asked.

“Uh, don’t worry about it, Pat,” Virgil said, as Logan actually started cracking up.

“No, I want to understand the joke! Tell me!” Patton said

“Don’t think about it as asking about bunks,” Virgil said.

“Top or bottom...not bunks? I don’t under--ooohhh,” Patton said, earning a fresh set of snickers from Logan. “Okay. I get it now.”

“Immature humor at its finest,” Virgil said drily. “Hey, what are you guys doing on Friday night?”

“I’m going on a date, why?” Patton asked.

“I’m looking for an excuse to get out of going home this weekend,” Virgil said. “Dad doesn’t work Saturday, so if I can’t go home Friday I’m set.”

“Just tell them you have too much homework,” Logan said.

“That doesn’t work on them. They just tell me to bring it with me.”

“Why don’t you want to go home?” Patton asked.

“I just want to relax on the weekend, you know? But since I’m not at home during the week, everyone in the house wants to hang out to an excessive degree and then I come back even more tired than I was.”

“Have you actually had a relaxing weekend at the dorm yet?” Logan asked.

“Shut up Logan,” Virgil said, with almost no bite to it. “What are you doing Friday?”

“Do you want me to shut up or do you want me to answer the question?”

“You know, actually I changed my mind. I think I’ll just go home instead,” Virgil said.

“I’m going to a concert with a lab partner and some of his friends,” Logan said, deciding that Virgil wanted him to answer the question instead of shut up. “It’s the, uh, Cosmic Brownies?”

Virgil gave him a look of disbelief. “Why?” he asked.

“Because I was invited?” Logan said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, but Cosmic Brownies is like, the least ‘Logan Pensive’ style of music on this earth. Why would you even want to go?”

“So you’ve heard their music before? What style is it?”

“It’s shitty, tuneless, loud, punk rock kinda stuff. I had an ex who really liked it, trust me, it’s not your style of music.”

Logan shrugged. “I may not enjoy the music, but usually outings with friends are more about the friends than the outing.”

“You have friends? Wild,” Virgil said.

“I’m just as surprised that you’ve managed to have an ex,” Logan said.

“Wow,” Patton said. “You guys are mean today.”

Both Logan and Virgil paused for a moment. “You’re right, Patton, my apologies,” Logan said.

“We’re just tired, and that makes us both bitchy,” Virgil said.

“We shouldn’t let that affect our interactions though,” Logan said. “Maybe we should move to a different topic. Uhh, your date on Friday, maybe?”

Patton laughed. “That’s a very smooth transition, Logan.”

Logan scowled, feeling that he was being made fun of. “So who is this date of yours?” he asked.

“Tinder date. Hopefully not an axe murderer or something. We’ve been talking for about a week now.”

“You’re using a dating app?” Virgil asked.

“Yeah? How else would I be looking for love?”

“Join a club and pine hopelessly after someone nice looking until they notice?”

Patton laughed again. “Oh come on Virgil, this isn’t fanfiction. If you want love, you have to seek it out yourself.”

“Hm, have to agree with Patton on that,” Logan said. “It’s unreasonable to put the responsibility for noticing attraction on the other person. Best to be upfront about it.”

“Have you ever actually dated someone, Logan?” Virgil asked disbelievingly.

“Yes, I have!” Logan snapped. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not really in a good mood for socializing. I think I’m going to go back to the dorm and take a nap or something until we have to go to chemistry.” He pushed back his chair and grabbed his tray.

“Are you going to be alright for game night?” Patton asked.

“I don’t know. We’ll see. I’ll see you later.” And with that, Logan left.

There were a few moments of silence where Virgil and Patton just ate their lunch. Finally, Patton asked, “So what’s going on with Logan?”

“He’s just bitchy,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes. “He needs like a billion hours of sleep and to be in bed by 10 pm and total darkness and no roommates trying to do their homework.”

“I thought you guys were trying to like each other now?”

“We are trying, it’s just...things don’t change overnight, you know?”

Patton frowned. “Well, I suppose so,” he said. Then, he thought of something. “Maybe you should get him one of those mask things for sleeping. That way he can have his total darkness and you can do your homework.”

“Ha!” Virgil said. “He’d probably take that as some kind of insult.”

“Maybe I’ll buy him one of those mask things for sleeping,” Patton said, grinning. “Then he’ll see it as just a gift.”

“I don’t know about that,” Virgil said. Patton was already pulling out his phone and looking up different masks. Virgil made a note of amusement. Patton was just so determined to make them get along.

“Do you think we should play Risk or Monopoly first?” Patton asked, scrolling.

“Probably Monopoly. We don’t want to end the night by ruining friendships.”

Patton laughed at that, and Virgil grinned.

~

When Roman got to the dorm, he thought Chemistry must have been cancelled, because he could hear Logan arguing, and who else would he be arguing with besides Virgil? Not wanting to miss this newest development in Roommates-not-Friends-ville, Roman quickly unlocked his door and slid into his dorm.

Logan was loud enough that Roman could hear his exact tone, but not quite loud enough to be clear. What was clear, though, is that he couldn’t hear anything from Virgil, and he doubted that Virgil would just stand pretty and let Logan yell at him. Roman really shouldn’t eavesdrop, but he was so darn curious. If it wasn’t Virgil that Logan was mad at, who could it possibly be? Logan always seemed pretty calm when it came to anyone else. Shoot, he was even pretty calm around Virgil. Roman didn’t think he’d ever heard Logan sound this angry.

He grabbed the plastic cup that was holding his pencils, shook the pencils out, and put it up to the wall to listen.

“--so was there an actual reason you called, or do you just want to complain about me?”

Muffled voice from the phone.

“Yeah, I figured. Somehow money’s always tight when it comes to the things I want to do, isn’t it? By the way, did you get that new Smith and Remington or whatever that you were talking about this weekend?”

Logan’s voice was very bitter, and very cold. The voice on the other end was outraged, but Roman still couldn’t make out what it was saying.

“I’m literally in training to be a scientist, and that’s still not enough for you! That’s what! God damn, a little support would be nice once in a while! But no, you and Mom are so miserable that you can’t see anyone else being happy or successful, and you have to ruin it for the rest of us!”

Oh shit, this was family issues. Yikes.

“Well maybe I don’t want to go to Thanksgiving either! Jesus Christ!”

Definite anger on the other side, though this time much quieter.

“Yeah yeah, I’m the family disappointment, absolutely shameful that we actually get a Pensive with thoughts of his own. Whatever. I have class. Say hi to Mom. Or don’t. I don’t care.”

There was silence for a moment, and then a quiet “Fuck.” Then it was followed by several more strings of swears that were angry and regretful all at once. Then there was some shuffling and a door shutting, which was presumably Logan getting on his not-so-merry way to class.

Something told Roman that game night was going to be a stressful event.

~

Next

[brianjameson]

It’s currently windier than shit. It’s been raining on and off since yesterday and it’s a full moon on top of that.

Via Google: “Spiritually, the Pink Moon always signifies rebirth and renewal. After a long winter, the resurgence of the color pink is a revitalizing dose of beauty and joy. It serves as a reminder that life is a set of ups and downs, a cycle of hibernation and reawakening.

  Yesterday (April 7th) was the start of our pink super moon aka the brightest moon we’ll have this year. It was so gorgeous yesterday that I was able to see the pink hue from my part of town when it was rising. It was so gorgeous that I went to Red Rock around 11:30pm to get a closer look at it. I was out there alone laying on the hood of my car listening to my music and just focusing on my intentions. The moon was so fucking clear that I felt like I had another pair of glasses on.

As of the past 2 years I’ve felt this strange connection with the moon and I feel it more so when I go to Red Rock. The feeling I get when I go to Red Rock to visit the moon is like when you’re a child and you’ve had a bad day and just want to cry and so you go to your parents to let it all out and get some answers and hugs. The moon has a strange way of pulling out my emotions and allowing me to release what I need to and ask for the things I want. I feel it embraces me.

When I was driving home around 12:30am there were about 6 SUV cops all huddled at the stoplight right before you get to Red Rock. I have no idea why they were there but I’m pretty sure they were either stopping people from going to Red Rock or asking if people were driving to Pahrump or something of the sort. Crazy how we have so much restriction right now.

Anyways

It has been pretty cloudy lately that it doesn’t even feel like being in Vegas. All I can think about is how locusts might return again the way they did last year. At least this time no one will be out and about to be terrorized by the fucking things.

My allergies have been terrible and this virus comes at such a bad time because you can’t sneeze or cough around people right now without everyone scattering like roaches.

I just took my allergy medicine that I hate taking it because it dries me out completely. I always have to drink so much water and sometimes wake up with a dry throat that makes me think I got the ronez.

It’s been exactly 3 weeks that Nevada has been into its shut down and so far I’ve managed to: Clean and organize my room, shop online for shit I don’t need, drink, read, dance in my underwear all. fucking. day, drink, take selfies, and drink some more.

I think that during the beginning of my quarantine I was going a bit nuts because I was thinking about it a little too much. I’m used to going to bars and restaurants whenever I want at whatever time I want. Since I can’t do all the things I normally do, it’s forcing me to do the things I always wanted to get around to doing. I have the free time now but I’m also reminding myself that it’s also ok to just play on the computer and just relax.

I went as far as ordering an electric guitar and I’ve been watching youtube videos on how to play. Maybe playing guitar is something I should be doing to relieve stress? I’ve just always held myself back because I never had time to play or had anyone to show me how to play. Now just seems like the perfect time to teach myself and just jump into playing.

I’ve been off work now for a month.. I fucking miss my friends/co-workers. Now I’m just chillin like a motha fuckin villain. I can’t do shit to change the situation and things could be a lot worse so I’ve just accepted it for what it is. This situation has fucked up my sleeping schedule completely. I have been going to bed at like 5-6am every night lol. I woke up my nephew today and told him to open his blinds and so he opens them and I was like you realize that it’s 3 in the afternoon right? He straight-up covers himself with his blanket and goes “Yup and?” because he knows we ain’t going to do shit today so I couldn’t even be mad lol.

I’ve enjoyed this time off so I’m not going to complain. I doubt I’ll ever get to rest like this again in my life and it makes me really happy that my mom is resting more. My mom is who I’ve been the most concerned for when it comes to this virus since she’s older but the fact that she’s been resting and just sitting down more instead of constantly doing shit, makes me happy. I’m still in disbelief with how contagious this virus is and how rapidly it’s spreading throughout the world.

It’s just shocking how life was totally normal one day and then the following day I’m moving my things out of the salon and being told to stay inside because of a virus sweeping the nation. How did we go from 0-1000 in 5 seconds?

When I was in Canada it hadn’t even touched Montreal yet. I was still careful about everything I did and touched there but it wasn’t as bad as when I got back. I think a day or 2 after I got back from Montreal is when Italy was hit hard and after that I feel is when everything else in the world started to shut down and go crazy like a domino effect. Luckily I didn’t book my trip even a week after I planned on going because otherwise I would have been stuck in Canada! I would of became a citizen and a hooker! lol.

Overall

I hope that if there’s anything you’ve thought of wanting to do, whether it be learning a new craft, painting the house, learning a new language, then I hope you’re utilizing this time to do that.

If you’re someone who never had time to relax because of work or life etc etc. then I hope that you’re opening a bottle of wine and enjoying your time off because you deserve it and the universe thinks so too.

This is no obligation to do or not do during this time because shit is crazy and if you want to spend your time worrying about the world, then you’re more than allowed to worry about the world…. Just do us a favor and have a drink honey.

Quarantine Chronicles It's currently windier than shit. It's been raining on and off since yesterday and it's a full moon on top of that.

[cosmosogler]

hawaii part 3

hmm yes it does appear that i left writing the journal off until 11:30. that was a mistake. i got distracted. it’s easier to not think about things than to think about things. it’s... easier to think about other things too.

reading my post yesterday in order to get my bearings i realized how much i dislike the way i “sound.” no wonder everyone treats me like a man baby.

the public beach was fine. i didn’t want to stand around at the hotel and play pokemon all day so i went to a beach with bigger waves with my brother, austin, thomas, dad, and uncle mike. the neighbors came too, later. everyone except me and uncle mike was out in the waves so i just sat in the shade in the soft dirt-sand and talked to mike about cook’s pines, which we had spotted at the very north end of the island. you could see out that far from this part of the beach. we also talked about pigeons since there were a lot of them. we talked a little bit about eve and how, when pounds want to get their animals adopted, they describe the animal using the most exotic breed in the mix. wiley is a “finnish spitz mix.” (look them up they’re super cute actually.) eve is a “greyhound mix,” even though mike said she acts way more like a black lab. he said they’re always skittish like she is. 

i couldn’t really argue with that. it is more exciting to say you have a half-greyhound than a half-black lab. and eve never shuts up when mike is around. she just howls and howls and runs away and howls from the other room even a little while after he’s gone. she’s done that since she was 3. i thought she would get used to him after a year or two, but i guess once she realized he was also her vet she kept a grudge. 

wiley likes him though.

i eventually stumbled out into the waves knee-deep to laugh at the boys and their boogie boards. i probably stood out in the sun for just a little too long. i had been upset that i’d forgotten the sun hat gramma bought for me... i dunno it’s just nice to stand with your feet in the ocean even if you’re not swimming. 

i didn’t stay out for too long though. i mostly had gotten up because my legs were falling asleep sitting in the dirt, and also because i had sat down less than a foot away from an anthill and dropped my shoes on top of it. i went back in the shade and talked to sierra a little bit and played some pokemon.

i don’t remember what we did for dinner after that. it’s kind of frustrating to go to dinners with my family. gramma and sharon heavily favor restaurants we are familiar with over restaurants that are good/are easier for 25% of us to eat at. ryan has the fatal peanut oil allergy, i’m vegetarian, my sister’s got a lot of dietary restrictions and is generally picky, austin’s not allowed to touch nuts since his brother’s so allergic. gramma can’t eat red meat but we go to steak houses all the time. thomas won’t eat anything but hot dogs and sometimes pizza.

the next day was the last day on maui. my sister, claudia, uncle dave, and i broke off from the group to go to the aquarium. i didn’t realize that my family wasn’t joining everyone else for lunch so i didn’t think to say goodbye to anyone when we left the hotel. that kind of sucked. the aquarium was nice though. i sent a lot of pictures with one-liners and snarky comments to asher. i also took a ton of videos, which i forgot to show him when we hung out today.

after that (and some shopping) my sister and i had to wait in the shopping center after dave took claudia back to the hotel. we waited for like 40 minutes for our family to pick us up. we had some ice cream. the car ride over to ihop sucked. it was just the worst. my parents would yell at each other, and then demand unreasonable things from my sister (who had siri open), and then when my sister would get irritated she would get yelled at for raising her voice. my mom and dad acted like she was SO unreasonable for being frustrated with them. “i’m just such-and-such,” they would say, like “just” doing something excuses you from being a dick. “i’m just sayin.”

i hate “i’m just sayin.” it’s dad’s trump card for when he wants to “win” an argument. because if you get mad when someone is “just sayin” words, because “just” saying is so different from “actually” saying, then you are unreasonable and you lose!!!

at ihop i was too sick to eat and my sister was too sick to eat. then about halfway through the meal my brother cried out and put his hands over his eye. i was worried he had gotten hot sauce in it (i noticed the bottle next to his elbow) and suggested washing it out in the bathroom. he and dad didn’t come back for a long time. after we finished eating we dug out my sister’s eye drops and mom basically shot his eye with a jet of saline. also a guy who may or may not have been a tourist was there. he gave me conflicting stories over the span of our conversation. i wanted to focus on my brother but there wasn’t really anything i could do and the guy was very interested in talking to my family.

so then we went to the airport, and i played pokemon while waiting for the plane, which was about 40 minutes late. then we got on the plane and i watched the sun go down and listened to less than a full elo album before we landed on oahu. when we collected our bags and got the rental car my brother complained that his eye still felt like someone was jamming a needle into it and it had been seven hours.

so mom decided it was a good idea to give him one of her oxycodone pills. 

i have some feelings about this. mostly confusion, because i don’t understand why mother would have those pills in the first place. she’s always so harsh when she judges dad’s mom because she’s “addicted to pain killers” and “stole grandpa’s medication before he died” and “complains to the doctor too much so he’ll keep refilling her prescriptions.”

but you know what? 

mom stole my pain killers, my vicodin, when i had my wisdom teeth out. i had to go like five days with just tylenol when my jaw still wasn’t healed enough for me to even eat solids. when i talked to dad about it one time, years ago now i think, he seemed to imply that that was just something she does. 

i’ve met people who are addicted to oxycodone. it’s not a fun time. where the hell is mom getting such a powerful drug? who the hell is giving it to her? she has migraines. but i looked it up just now and oxy is a TERRIBLE  choice for treating migraines. and also it’s super addictive. 

and also i’m a stickler for rules i guess and i was super irritated that mom broke the rules and gave a prescribed medicine to someone who it had not been prescribed to. a powerful one! and she said this might mean she couldn’t take him to the emergency room!

at 11 after we had gotten settled into our new hotel room mom and dad took him to the emergency room anyway. i hope she got in trouble. my brother was super stoned. on the way to the hotel he was asking me stuff like what my major was and where i was going to school. he also made sammie-level bad jokes and laughed at them.

mom complained that we shouldn’t have pushed her to give him one. even though no one had told her to... even my brother was like “i don’t care just do something” at the time. 

so that night i didn’t fall asleep until 1, after my brother got back from the er. he had debris stuck in his eye and it had scratched his cornea. 

i had a dream that the monster didn’t want to kill me. it was after some equipment i had. a while into the dream i realized that not only could i teleport myself (sometimes i can do that), i could send other things away too. actually it was easier to Send Things Away than to teleport myself, which required a lot of brute-forcing my imagination into believing i had taken a huge step forward, sometimes up a wall or through one, instead of just a normal walking step.

it’s literally the best way i’ve dealt with a monster in my dreams basically ever. anyone around me it wanted to hurt, maybe as punishment? send them away. after the machine i had? send it away. “sorry dude, better luck next time.”

there was a lot more to it but it’s hard to explain in words that make sense when put in a sentence together. i wish i dreamed less in fluid images or impressions and more in solid ones.

well, even the solid images don’t always make a lot of sense... they make sense to me, in a weird way, but i can’t figure out how to make it make sense for everyone else. and drawing them is like looking into an infinite fractal. i can never put as much detail on the paper as i saw in my head and then it looks bland and strange and not what i wanted to communicate.

the next day i woke up at like 10:30, which is the latest i ever woke up during the trip. i even turned my alarm off. i felt sick all day. my family left to get lunch and i just stayed in the room because it hurt. in the evening we went to my mom’s cousin’s anniversary house gathering party. this is the cousin my mom doesn’t even like very much, due to gay. 

i didn’t have much food. i mostly talked to my mom’s other cousin and her family, and caught up with some people i didn’t know. the meal was jewish chinese hawaiian. i liked the pasta salad.

by 9 i was too exhausted to talk to anyone any more. i found myself blinking even more owlishly at the host’s collection of mugs painted with the faces of what appeared to be american presidents. there were like 40 of them. i had laughed when i saw them the first time and said “it’s good to have a hobby.” i guess as i got more tired i wanted to say more, but had less to say. so i just looked at them a lot.

i don’t know what i did with all that time. i don’t know what i spent my evening doing. my family was watching a different movie on each tv in the hotel room. we had the two-room setup again, but my brother and i had separate beds this time. it was frustrating because my feet and ankles would get caught in the blanket tucked under the bed. it was too hard to kick the blankets loose so i felt pressed down and restricted and that made it really hard to fall asleep. i have enough trouble getting my arms and legs into comfortable positions while i’m up and about during the day. i spend all night fidgeting and adjusting my weight and yanking my pajama pants around trying to get them to sit right. this happens every night. i’m uncomfortable all the time. my legs just won’t sit right and it feels like if i just kicked or flexed them i could maybe jimmy them into better positions but it never happens. so when i sit i kick my feet around all the time. and when i sit with my hands or arms against a surface i knead at it trying to get my hands! into! the Correct! position!!!

the correct position probably doesn’t exist. i’ve never gotten there before. all i can do is try to loosen up my muscles a little bit so i stop feeling so strained and uncomfortable.

the last full day i spent laying around mostly. i went and looked at the baby seal and took pictures and sent them to asher. i found anny and sarah on the beach but my legs fell asleep while i was sitting under the umbrella with them so i got up and left. i was also getting sunburnt again. i found mom at the hotel restaurant so i got lunch with her even though i didn’t want to. i got a fancy drink with dragonfruit and mango and stuff. i told mom i wasn’t hungry at all but she talked me into a sandwich that was way too big for me to reasonably eat and also like 20 dollars. i barely managed half of it. i gave the other half to dad when he showed up.

then we went to the actual anniversary party at a fancy restaurant. i was too tired to interact with anyone so i sat with my brother and sister and tried to track down a glass of water. my brother ended up with three, mostly as a joke on my part.

this is the story as i understand it. my aunts have been together for 20 years. marriage was legalized between 3 and 4 years ago, and they got officially married a few weeks after the law passed. we were here to celebrate their “anniversary,” though it may have just been the best time of year for everyone to travel. there were a lot of cute and touching speeches. i always enjoy uncle len’s terrible, terrible poetry. it’s actually better than mine at least.

hmm, well, maybe they’re about the same quality now that i’m thinking about it.

the food was very interesting. i was told the chef said he would have something “interesting” for me since i think i was the only vegetarian. i got some kind of briny rice with like a creamy green sauce. it was topped with asparagus and some little tomato cubes. and also really spongy looking mushrooms. and a cracker made out of cheese. i think it was asiago.

it was ok. i was tolerating it pretty well until i picked up a big mushroom stump and tried to eat that. the effect was immediate. i near gagged on how spongy and salty it was. it tasted like the ocean. the last time i accidentally swallowed ocean (a few days previously) i had thrown up immediately. as had my brother. we’re cool like that.

after that i wasn’t interested in eating any more. i had some of the dessert but didn’t really enjoy it that much. i think if i was feeling better i would have liked it more.

don’t tell no one, but we had assigned seats. when i got over to the table with my brother and sister i saw that i was assigned next to dad. i swapped my name card with my second cousin’s so i could sit next to my brother instead.

there were three performing sisters supplying the party with music. they were pretty good! when they came over to our table and asked for requests i said “please god anything but over the rainbow” and they laughed. they played some songs that their mother wrote. but at the end they made us all hold hands and sway together and sing aloha oe. i was bummed about that, mostly because i didn’t want to be standing, partly because i didn’t know the words, and partly because i really didn’t want to hold hands with anyone.

i had a lot of trouble falling asleep at a reasonable hour that night. i had more dreams, and i was thinking about them the next day, but i don’t remember what they were any more. the ride to the airport was stressful. i was crammed in the back with all the suitcases and every time we made a sharp turn i’d get squashed or knocked in the face by the suitcase’s wheels. i ended up getting something like chocolate chalk on my fingers trying to buckle my seat belt and i was upset about that the whole ride.

i texted with asher for a while. i don’t think he was doing so hot but he heard me out which was nice of him. i was looking at a billboard while we were stopped at a gas station and i texted “it’s kind of surprising how little matters in life when you think about it.”

i’d been thinking about that for over a week at that point. so few things actually matter. i was trying to make a list and i could only really think of one thing. being able to see the sky matters.

i also said it was really a relief to look at something and say “screw it, i don’t care about this any more, i’m going to stop putting any effort into it.” because, like, it saves so much energy to not put effort into things you don’t care about! why waste your time on crap that doesn’t matter? 

i mean, sure, if you care about something, be tenacious as hell. but if it doesn’t matter? why am i still trying? why not try at something that does matter?

what i’m getting at here is that i don’t care about being friendly with dad any more. he never apologized or mentioned it or did anything. he barely looks at me. if being embarrassed or being the authority or whatever is more important to him than i am, then screw it! i don’t care! i don’t HAVE to care.

so that’s the hawaii lesson. you don’t have to care. you can choose to care, but you don’t have to.

on the flight back i did nothing but fish for bottle caps for basically six hours. i got up to use the restroom and i did doze for about 20 minutes at the start of the flight. 

it wasn’t really just fishing for bottle caps. i never just fish. that’s boring. i was listening to music and fishing for bottle caps on the side to keep my hands busy. i was barely even paying attention. i spent a lot of time thinking about random stuff. like animorphs, or doing a mental review of one of the comics i’m reading, or wondering about recent developments in another. i also spent actually more time than i should have wondering what the guy next to me was thinking. i mean i was playing what was clearly pokemon, but all i was doing was running back and forth and fishing up pokemon that i ran away from. 

i got nine bottle caps.

we landed around 10:30. baggage claim was normal amounts of crowded and stressful. dad missed the terminal’s curb when he drove over to pick us up and had to spent 10 minutes going all the way back around the airport to try again. it was over 100 degrees even though it was the middle of the night. the car was crammed the whole hour back. we decided to stop at carl’s jr for dinner at 11:30 and i got really sick from the grease. we got home at 12. i putzed around on the internet until 1:30, and then i took a really long time getting ready for bed because i felt disgusting and i wanted to wash off more than usual, and then i couldn’t fall asleep because my brother was screaming at the computer and stuff.

in the morning i went downstairs to go to my doctor’s appointment after sleeping for 5 and a half to 6 hours. after waiting for 10 minutes for dad to get ready to leave, i finally asked when we were heading out because i had no idea where this office was or how to get there. he leaned in real close to me and growled “i NEVER said i would take you ANYWHERE.”

the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bffhreprise]

Entry 296

 I gently petted my kitty as she nuzzled into my lap.  I was currently resisting the urge to hop on Ancient Tribes of Earth again today, having spent half the morning playing it before a quick job.  On the other hand, James would probably be on it after he finished talking with Jemal and Kayla.

 Those two seemed to be fitting in wonderfully, but James made sure everyone did, even a monster like me.  He was so very, very kind…

 Pufflewink agreed as she licked my thumb and nuzzled my hand.

 “Oh my… James, is she really..?” questioned Jemal after Aaliyah walked in through the front door.  Her footsteps were unmistakable, light as a feather when she wasn’t goofing around.

 “Good morning, Aaliyah.” greeted James as she approached them.

 Aaliyah’s palace in my mind was bright and shining like crystal under the sun, with magnificence to even rival James’.  The longer I stayed here, the more both areas had grown.  Now they each had enormous structures dedicated to their existence.  There was nothing I could ever do for that magnificent girl which would fully show my appreciation to what she did for me by giving us Ancient Tribes of Earth.

 “Good morning, boss-man, sir!  Hi, Jemal!  Oooh…. Kayla!  What’s that!?” she exclaimed, happy as ever.

 “Just my laptop.” replied Kayla.  “Jemal bought it for me a couple years ago.”

 “Dad helped.” corrected Jemal, sounding fatherly in his tone.

 At least, I pictured fathers as they were portrayed in movies, having never met my own.  Of course, I didn’t want to meet my own…  Anything that could spawn a monster from my sweet mom couldn’t be nice.

 “I love the color.” replied Aaliyah, sounding excited.

 My eyes couldn’t penetrate the walls, but I knew the laptop was bright pink and covered in sparkles.  This knowing was happening more and more often of late as I listened in on conversations throughout the house.  I was aware of where Emma was in the yard and knew of Alma’s current online meeting.  What would James say if I told him I was getting weirder, that my ability to extend my consciousness was much greater now?  The terrible darkness in my mind whispered, but I recapped its enclosure.

 “Sorry.  I know this is probably weird and all, but… but can I get your autograph?” questioned Jemal, obviously speaking to Aaliyah.

 I gently set Pufflewink on the floor, and my Ancient Tribes of Earth box was in my hand before I even registered that I had moved.  Scenarios of getting Aaliyah’s autograph were flying through my head.

 Then Aaliyah said, “Okay.”

 The word hadn’t fully left her mouth when I was there with them, not even certain of how I got there.  I wasn’t prepared for this.  Barely a few thousand scenarios had seemed acceptable so far.  Why did I come here?  How did I come here?  What if she denied me!?

 “What?  You still hadn’t asked her?” asked James, staring at me in plainly visible shock.

 Over a hundred ways to reply sprang to my mind, but none would cover my embarrassment.  I shrugged.  I was still considering what to do around Jemal.  He had taken a spill after chasing after his sister the other day, and his expression when I caught him told me he knew that I was a monster.  There was a slight stench of fear from him even now as he acknowledged my presence.  His sister, however, was all smiles.  She seemed very sweet and already had a room in my mind, filled with stuffed animals and angry mutterings about having to do schoolwork instead of playing.

 I knew her mutterings were halfhearted, but I heard them too frequently to ignore.  She seemed to enjoy talking with Mila and having more challenging work, but schooling by the second day was apparently unexpected.

 While my mind followed scenarios for being nice to Kayla while avoiding her to protect her from myself, Aaliyah pulled out a pen from her pink backpack and signed a picture of Jemal’s character that he kept in his wallet.  Then she looked expectantly up at me.

 “Au-Auto-graph.  P-Please.” I told her, thrusting the box her way after hopping forward a number of feet.

 “Sure!” exclaimed Aaliyah with a grin for me.  “You should have asked sooner!  You do see me frequently.”

 “I-I know, b-but… w-well…” I started as I revisited my practice scenarios from this occasion.  There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but her time was valuable, possibly even as valuable as James’.  My best scenarios hadn’t accounted for others being present to begin with, so I had to keep things short for that reason as well.  I could do this.  Finally, I forced out “Y-You’re my… m-my hero.”

 “Aww… We’re all friends here.” insisted Aaliyah as she hugged me.  There was something very reassuring about the warm hug from this kid genius, but I frequently got the feeling from Aaliyah that she understood, as if she was an old friend who could guess what I’d say before I managed to make the words.  Of course, that was probably my overactive imagination at work.

 “How long’s she worked here?” questioned Jemal in a whisper as if that’d keep anyone present from hearing.  The enhancement suit things obviously helped with hearing from the changes I had observed in the others.

 “Since November.” replied James, not realizing how embarrassing that admission was for me.

 Yes, I could be shy, but… Did he have to tell?  Right now???  As Aaliyah—the magnificent Princess Aaliyah—hugged me!?  As scenarios to escape crashed together in my brain, I shrunk into a kitten, determined to hide until they walked out.

 Aaliyah gently set my now-autographed box next to my clothes and patted me through my shirt before stepping back.  Then I heard James step closer.  Aware that he kneeled down, I peeked out.

 “Sorry, Raine.  I wasn’t trying to embarrass you.” he told me, being the wonderful person he was.

 I almost pounced him, wanting to hug my wonderful boss, but something else drew my attention.  Something was wrong with Kayla.  My mind raced as I saw slight changes in her skin color.  She was starting to sweat.

 “She’s a cat!?” exclaimed Jemal.

 Allergies.  Kayla had cat allergies.  I wanted to help her, to save her from me, but I hadn’t anticipated this.  I never had changed forms in front of someone who had allergies before.  I didn’t even know anyone with cat allergies.  Hadn’t known?

 “Werecat.” replied James.

 “Kayla!  Back up!” exclaimed Jemal, looking scared.

 “What’s wrong?  Didn’t you notice her yesterday before she saved you?” asked James.

 I considered hundreds of ways to explain to him what the signs meant, but I didn’t know how to help her.  I needed to read medical stuff at some point, but I hadn’t ever really considered the need seriously.  No one would want treated by a monster, and I couldn’t be harmed in any meaningful way  Well…  Thoughts of Ariadne’s magic crossed my mind, but part of me was certain that she couldn’t summon near enough to really hurt me.

 “What?  No.  Kayla’s allergic to cats!” exclaimed Jemal, being fully panicked as he stepped between his sister and me.

 “Ah…” started James, seeming to be considering the situation.

 “But she’s so cute, Jemal…” complained Kayla before sneezing.  Her face was getting red.

 I transformed and ran, taking my things with me.  When I reached my room, I fought back the tears forming in my eyes.  I hurt her… I didn’t mean to, but I hurt Kayla.  Once a monster, always a monster.  What was going to happen to me now?  I should leave… Jemal and Kayla deserved to be here, but I couldn’t stop being a cat… and there was Pufflewink.  I gently started to stroke my kitty, who didn’t even realize I was there yet.  She would whenever a second passed.  Time was too slow… or too fast for me.  Probably the latter.

 “Where’d she go!?” exclaimed Jemal an eternity later.

 “She ran.” stated James.

 Jemal quickly said, “S-Sorry.  I didn’t mean to make her run away, but I didn’t think there’d be cats here.”   He was kind too.  Despite my effect on his sister and his fear of me, he still was concerned for me too.

 My existence once again ruined things.  I knew I couldn’t stay any longer.  I was already figuring out where I could move my things.  Thanks to months here, I had a little money saved up, despite how rarely I was engaged with jobs compared to the average.  A storage locker would be the most practical, and no one would ever know if I lived in one.  They’d never see me.  Walls couldn’t stop this monster.

 As I considered my future and made mental apologies to everyone for having been here, Aaliyah exclaimed “Found it!”

 “Found what?” questioned James.

 “Kayla’s new allergy medicine.” she explained.

 “What!?  Her doctor needs to approve new medicine.” insisted Jemal immediately.

 I heard James move, and knew he had placed his hand on Jemal’s shoulder before saying, “I know this is all a great deal to take in, but Aaliyah has more doctorates than anyone else on the planet.  I’d trust her.  If you want a quick second opinion, Alma happens to be an M.D. as well.  If you want a third opinion, Aaliyah’s aunt might be considered this planet’s authority on everything medical, having over a thousand years of practice.”

 As James spoke, Kayla had already accepted Aaliyah’s offer.  “Too late.  Already took it.”

 “You what!?” exclaimed Jemal.

 She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, and I already knew she was feeling better.  The signs were clear.  I was thankful that she would recover, having never meant to harm her at all.  Departure request opened.  I knew I should just pack and leave immediately, but I really didn’t want to go.  I apologized to Pufflewink, knowing she wouldn’t enjoy any place I found as much as here.  She already knew the people and was accustomed to the space.  Plus, she liked Alberich, the miniature white lion.  They rarely had a chance to play together, but they got along well enough.  The scenarios of us elsewhere all seemed so terribly grim.

 “James!  This is serious.  She has other allergies as well.” stated Jemal, still sounding concerned.

 “I have her complete medical records on file, Jemal.” explained Mila.  “Yours as well.  There really is no need to be alarmed.  Everything was transferred as stated in the contract of employment you signed.”

 James sighed before saying, “Aaliyah, would you mind giving a very, very brief explanation of what Kayla just took.”

 “Brief?” asked Aaliyah in a pouting tone.  Her lower lip trembled and tears had sprung to her wide eyes.

 “Yes, please.” he told her.

 “How brief?” she questioned, probably considering a million ways to manipulate what he might say.

 “Under twenty words.” he replied.

 She sighed in resignation.  Then she said, “Kayla took the first stage of a therapy which will cure her of all allergies.  Two stages are left.”  I knew she was counting words on her fingers as she spoke, just as I was certain that the counting was all show.  Her brilliance was fact.

 “What?  Is that even possible?” questioned Jemal incredulously.

 “Jemal, I’m feeling better already.” insisted Kayla.

 “You’re the one who wanted her autograph.  She’s a genius.” pointed out James.  Then, slightly louder, he said, “Raine, you can come back now.  Everything’s fine.”

 I nearly smiled, knowing James meant well.  Despite knowing what I am, he’d never think of me as a monster.  My father was a demon, and I didn’t know of good demons outside of manga.  Of course, I had never met another, not even another half-demon such as myself, but the general terribleness from that dark place locked in the farthest corner of my mind was more than enough to assure me they were evil.  Frowny faces covered my mental scenarios, and the darkness lurking in the back attempted to come forward till I shoved it down again.  Bad darkness…. always bad.

 “Master, Raine’s in her room, mumbling about ruining something and looks rather distraught.” stated Mila, as if he needed to know.

 Besides, I hadn’t mumbled anything aloud to Pufflewink for at least a dozen seconds…  Well… maybe.  My mind had been running in so many directions that I had lost my sense of pacing.  I counted the breaths of everyone in my recent memories and compared them with the last time I remembered seeing a clock.  Thirteen and some change!  Ha!

 I felt bad immediately after, knowing Mila meant well.  She was a wonderful being, and as close a friend as any of them.  Like her mom, Mila was brilliant, finding ways to explain things to me that didn’t take several eternities.  She probably could have helped Kayla in no time if her mom hadn’t already been prepared.  I was going to miss everyone.

 “Aaliyah, how long till Kayla will start benefiting from that therapy?” questioned James.

“She already is.  Look at her.  She’ll be perfectly fine by the time you walk down the hall with them.” replied Aaliyah giddily.  “Auntie’s medicines are magically delicious.”

 “Really was!” exclaimed Kayla.

 “Mind coming to help calm Raine down?” questioned James.

 “Sorry.  Sure.  I guess this is my fault for overreacting.” suggested Jemal in an apologetic tone.

 “I can really pet kitties now!?” questioned Kayla, her brown eyes gazing at Aaliyah excitedly.

 Aaliyah told her “Of course!  We can’t let our best friends suffer from allergies.  Raine has a little kitty named Pufflewink!”

 “Jemal, I can pet kitties!” exclaimed Kayla with even more enthusiasm.

 “Has this stuff been tested?” asked Jemal dubiously.

 “You can relax, Jemal.  Everything will be fine.” insisted James.

 They started walking down the hall, and I considered running before they got here.  There were so many valid reasons to leave before they arrived.  But… I didn’t want to leave.  Leaving now would be rude, and I couldn’t be rude to James… or the others.  I didn’t want to make Princess Aaliyah mad.  As my latest scenarios played out, James spoke to me, quietly reassuring me that everything would be fine.  I wanted to believe him, but I’d always be a monster even if he didn’t see me that way.  No matter what we wanted, there was always a chance of someone getting hurt because I exist.

 “How is she supposed to hear you?  Is Mila telling her or something?” inquired Jemal a few eternities into James’ assurances.

 “I can hear across a hallway just fine.  Raine’s hearing is vastly better.” explained James.

 Nodding Jemal said, “Maybe this is a bad question, but I gotta know… are you human?”

 James laughed before saying, “Yes, with a few perks of my own.”

 “Like… what?” persisted Jemal.

 “One you’ve been feeling for a while.  You want to trust me and generally like me.  That’s due to a magical field I emanate.  Unfortunately, I cannot suppress it.” explained James.

 I was thankful his magic wasn’t suppressed, knowing it was affecting me even now.  James could pin me down with a glance if he chose, because I couldn’t intentionally hurt him.  Not giving him a chance after the constant support he had shown me would hurt him.  I couldn’t leave without talking with him.  Departure request completely denied.

 “What?  You’re using magic on us and can’t help it!?” exclaimed Jemal in surprise.

 “Correct.  I’ve been assured a number of times not to worry about it, but the idea still bothers me.  I also can move far faster than an average human and am considerably stronger.  Lifting a car, for example, is easy.” continued James.

 The car example was amusing.  I knew cars were heavy for most people, but the flimsy things couldn’t stand a heavy breath.  Luckily, the planet could.  I once sighed too hard when I was little… Luckily, no one had been around.  I spent months trying to discreetly help with the damages, but the guilt lived on.

 “And you call that human!?” asked Jemal in a tone that clearly said he did not agree.

 If James wasn’t considered human because of his abilities, Jemal clearly wouldn’t be able to handle knowing much about me.  Scenarios played out, showing me his shock and horror at what I could do.  Information access denied for him.

 “I think it sounds amazing!” insisted Kayla.

 Unfazed, James said, “I also have considerable aptitude with a type of magic, using what we call residual energy.  Through its use, I can manipulate energy in numerous ways, such as lifting things at a distance as you can do.”

 “So you’re like a superhero?” suggested Kayla excitedly.  “You sound like the strongest person ever!”

 James laughed and said, “No.  Calamity’s this city’s superhero.  I’m just a businessman.  Raine, by the way, is far stronger and faster than me.  She’s far more than an average werecat and equally wonderful as a person.”

 I almost wanted him to explain about the monster they were about to visit.  Everything came better from James.  If he told them that a monster lived here, they might not run away screaming.

 “This is a bit much to take in.” stated Jemal.

 Disagreeing, Kayla exclaimed “But it’s so cool!”

 “There will be an acclimation period, but I have faith that you’ll get there.  I know you haven’t met Cosette yet, given how her schedule hasn’t lined up well for meeting her yet, but she’s our resident vampire.  Fair warning, she might play a prank on you.” cautioned James.

 I could easily imagine Cosette’s pranks.  She embraced vampirism, a condition that many would find monstrous, with a passion, even making her Ancient Tribes of Earth character a vampire.  In comparison with me, she was still practically human, though she should live a very long life.

 A flash of anger went through me at the idea that someone might try harming Cosette eventually.  If I noticed…  I pushed down the thoughts and the scenarios that went along with them.  Bad Raine.  I couldn’t allow myself to be angry.  Very bad things would happen.  Allowing myself revenge against someone who hurt my friends would still be monstrous, like a person torturing an incredibly sentient and rude daffodil kept in a pot.  There could be no fighting back against this monster.  If I screamed at them, they’d die from the force of my voice alone.  Yes, I was capable of making a passably human yell, but holding back if my emotions were truly riled could be difficult.  Hurting my friends would not be allowed...  I shoved the darkness back into its container, locking it once more.  Calm thoughts.  Be a good kitty.

 “Like what sort of prank?” questioned Jemal worriedly.

 James shrugged and said, “I wouldn’t put slitting Portentia’s throat and drinking her blood in front of you past her.”

 “She’d what!?” exclaimed Jemal, horrified by the idea.

 “Portentia can’t be killed and has abnormally beneficial blood for vampires, so the two have an interesting relationship.” explained James, sounding slightly amused.

 Kayla’s wide eyes looked excitedly at James as she ignored her brother’s discomfort.

 “Ask Portentia about her experiences if you wish.  She’s been stabbed, shot, blown up, decapitated, and many other things without sign of injury a moment later.” continued James.

 “I-I don’t think my sister should be hearing all this.” stated Jemal nervously.

 “Oh.  Sorry.  I figured she’d have seen as much in video games.” suggested James in surprise.

 “Well, maybe, but still…” argued Jemal.

 Their conversation had carried them to my door, and James knocked.

 Hardly waiting for a response, he said, “Raine, we’d like to speak with you.”

 I mumbled my agreement, knowing Mila would open the door, and continued petting Pufflewink.

 “Have I mentioned that Raine speaks cat?” questioned James.

 Sounding intrigued now, Jemal asked “Cats have a language?”

 “Cool!” exclaimed Kayla, excitable as ever.

 “I don’t know about a language precisely, but she can communicate with them.” replied James.  “How would you describe it Raine?”

 “I-I….” I started, considering all of the ways that I could attempt explaining the bond between werecats and other cats, but the explanations never seemed like enough.  Eventually, I just said what was on my mind.  “S-Sorry.”

 “No-no.  I’m sorry.  I really didn’t mean to make you run.  I just got a bit worked up worrying about my sister is all.” insisted Jemal.  Surprisingly, he didn’t smell afraid anymore.

 “Can I see your kitty!?” begged Kayla.  “I won’t sneeze or anything!  Aaliyah told me!”

 “I-I heard…” I told her, feeling uncertain about what to do.  More scenarios played out, and Kayla’s joy in them almost made me cry again.  She wouldn’t hold anything against me without knowing more about me, but I still had more to say to her brother.  I handed Pufflewink over, assuring my kitty that Kayla was nice.  Forcing myself to make the words slowly enough to be understood, I said, “I-I d-didn’t… k-know.  S-sorry.  I-I’d never h-hurt… K-Kayla.”

 “Really, don’t worry.  Look at her.  I can’t even worry when I see her smiling like that.” replied Jemal with a big smile.  He really did look happy as he watched his sister pet Pufflewink

 I nodded and eventually smiled, watching how happy Kayla seemed now.  James was happy as well; I could feel it in his presence.  I shoved away the thoughts of leaving for now, not wanting to hurt his mood.  He’d certainly argue against me leaving.  He always would, because James would never think ill of me without reason shoved in his face.  This monster would live here for a while yet.