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mystic-kitten-writer · 4 years

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Limerence [M] ︳33

Pairing: Zuko x OC

Genre: Romance, mainly fluff with future smut, and if you squint hard enough - you’ll find some angst.

Rating: SFW

Words: 18300+

Notes: I’m finally finished! Thank you guys for being so patient with me - I can’t even begin to express my gratitude. I feel horrible for making you guys wait so long - so I’ll cut to the chase and tell you the good news! Due to the corona virus - my summer courses have been cancelled, so I’m no longer graduating this summer (no, this isn’t the good news) - but because of this, that means your beech gets to update more often! So I plan on dropping an update schedule for all my stories, and my goal is to update every week (alternating stories).

Next - I got an Ao3 account! A lot of people asked me to make one, so I did. I’m going to take this week to edit Limerence (the first few chapters min.) before posting my work on there. But now Tumblr and Ao3 will contain all Explicit chapters of Limerence!

The next fun bit of news is the next update you’ll receive will be a double update for Limerence! I was going to end this chapter a bit differently, but my friends pointed out a few things - and they convinced me others wise. Because of that, I’m planning on doing a double update. I can’t go too in-depth with it without spoiling, but at least you guys have that to look forward to!

But regardless, please stay healthy and safe! Love you tons, take care~!

Masterlist ︳32 ︳ 34

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

Limerence: (English/n.) the state of being infatuated with another person.

The moment their eyes locked they knew - the flames within him twisted while the water within her turned. It was a connection, a connection that would lead to love, adventure, and drama.

“Eccedentesiast”

(Latin/n.) Someone who fakes or forces a smile when all they want to do is cry, disappear, or die.

~ Ying Yue Jiang ~

There it laid, in my hands, glistening under the sunlight, the black onyx seemingly glowing. The dragon that was painted in gold looked beyond realistic; the red ruby protectively held in its grasp. The golden paint held pink reflections in the scales, each claw wrapped around the gem as if it were a newborn child – protecting it with its life.

My finger trailed down the soulful image, feeling every ridge and divot engraved in the emblem. Anyone could feel the love, the power, in the illustration – how awe-inspiring it was. But I found myself stilling, the words engraved at the very bottom of the heavy seal mocking me.

Imperial Consort of the Fire Lord.

It was like a vice grip; someone squeezing my heart and causing my body to tremble. Since my official debut, and receiving this seal, I hadn’t once touched it. I was keeping it locked in my drawer for safekeeping. This mere chuck of mineral, the symbolism behind it, was beyond royal Fire Nation customs. My truest feelings…

I could remember the butterflies in my stomach, the silly smile I bore as I took my oath that day. Zuko was delicately smudging the red paint on my forehead, the mark of the consort. A weak smile emerged on my face. Gosh, how flushed Zuko, and I was that day. Me unable to contain my nerves as we stood in front of thousands – declaring our devotion to each other.

I already loved Zuko at that point; I was just too shy to tell him. Being near him, seeing Zuko happy and spending time with me was good enough. That day, I may have been nervous, but I was delighted - the happiest I had been in years.

The seal slipped from my grip, falling onto the bed. My shoulder’s slumped, feet dangling over the edge, hands covering my face.

I was selfish.

I could still recall the way Zuko thrashed, his face twisted in pain, eyes teary as he clawed at his throat in desperation. I could feel the pain he was in, the fear, utterly helpless – a look I’ve only seen once, and that was when we were facing Yakone.

Zuko was dying, right before my eyes, and I couldn’t deal with it.

Everything happened so fast, and I could feel my hands starting to tremble. The image was still far too vivid, too fresh. I almost lost Zuko – no.

I did lose him.

“Yue…” a tender voice whispered out, a tone that could only belong to Aang. I swallowed back a sob, letting my hands fall from my face, trying to wipe all evidence that I was crying. Too weak to lift my head, my hands laid on my lap.

Aang’s footsteps were soundless, and I could already visualize the way he was cleverly studying my sitting figure, trying urgently to read my mood. “Katara told me that Zuko is going to be okay; she induced him into a deep slumber to speed up his recovery, but…you saved him.” Aang spoke, and I noticed how clear his voice sounded, he was closer.

“Thank you…” I muffled softly, running an unsteady hand through my tangled locks.

Not even thirty minutes passed since everything went down, I hadn’t had time to change or clean my appearance, besides wiping my blood-stained fingertips. My hair fell in front of my face again, and I used the opportunity to wipe the rogue tear. I’m a complete disaster.

“Yue…” Aang worried, but this time I felt his cool touch.

His fingers caressed my face, tilting my head upwards to meet his sincere gaze. He was kneeling in front of me, the floor cleared of all the shards that once littered the bedroom floor. His face was pale, eyes round as he considered my figure. I saw the way his lips twitched, eyes shifting back and forth, trying to think of the right words.

What to say, what to think, what to do.

But what more could Aang say?

What could be said about everything that managed to transpire in the last half hour that hasn’t been thought of already? My heart fastened in pace, mind spinning with the unknown. Why was the tea poisoned, who poisoned the drink– As if Aang could read my mind, a long exhale escaped him, pressing his forehead against mine.

“I’m so sorry, Yue,” Aang breathed, his voice fragile – defeated.

My bottom lip trembled, hearing the ache in Aang’s voice, his touch moving up my face so his thumbs could rub my temples. My body limped under his tender touches, head falling into his shoulder – a soundless cry leaving my lips.

It was like he let loose to all of my thoughts, everything that tortured my mind manifesting into tears. I’m lost. I clawed at Aang’s mustard coloured robes, desperately seeking air. Every sharp gasp seemed to feed into the shivers, the anxieties and insecurities that haunted my mind, growing and swarming.

Aang embraced my hunched body, bringing me closer to his own. “I-it’s my fault, Aang.” I sniffled, confessing the very thing that seemed to devour me. Aang cooed into my hair, his face pressed against my chaotic locks. “That’s not true, Yue-” he insisted, but I refuted his claim.

“T-that tea was meant for me. If-if I had drunk it, if I had stopped Zuko-”

“That would’ve been worse. You could save Zuko, but the reverse can’t happen.”

“You don’t get it, Aang.” I wept, cowering away in frustration, to face him. His eyes were red and glossy as he stared back at me intently, mirroring the same pained expression that I wore.

“You-you didn’t see the look on Zuko’s face. The moment he realized what I am.” I choked, struggling to string the words together. I wasn’t crying cause Zuko got hurt. Gosh, Zuko’s been through the spirit world and back – he knew pain.

The tears that decorated my rose-coloured cheeks, they were tears of mourning.

I may have saved Zuko, physically – but I lost him emotionally, mentally, symbolically. How could Zuko look at me, let alone love me? I was a monster – the very thing everyone was trying so hard to rid of.

“You’re still you, Yue. Words can’t even begin to describe how much Zuko cares for you. How important you are to him, to us.” Aang blew, bringing me back to his shoulder to snuggle. I could feel his clothes dampening, but he didn’t complain once, preoccupied with easing my choked cries.

I snivelled, pressing my eyes shut to stop the tears from overflowing - if only it were that easy. What about everybody else – Katara, Sokka, Suki, Toph? What are they going to think knowing what kind of monster I am? The words they lashed out the other day, they meant it, each and every word. It was only a matter of time they figured out what happened, what I had done if they hadn’t learned already.

A Bloodbender – that is what I am, and there’s no running away from it anymore.

Aang continued to rock me back and forth, dragging me out of the pits of my darkest thoughts, pulse slowing. He was buzzing softly as we swayed, feeling his lips sweeping my head. I found my body lazing in his embrace, nestling my head deeper in the crook of his neck.

It was nothing like Zuko’s embrace, the sweet tune he often sung during our highs and lows. I bit my tongue to stop the wave of nostalgia from overwhelming me. I want Zuko, that’s all I want.

I want us to be back in bed, laughing at our silly jokes, even if it meant accepting that terrible rate of two kisses per half hour.

I snickered bitterly at the mere thought of our pointless banter from this morning. The banter that always rose whenever Zuko and I were left alone to our own devices. Meaningless talk that always had me bursting from happiness at the way Zuko managed to tease me mercilessly, a constant blush to paint my cheeks. The way he holds me close to his chest, our limbs intertwined – like two puzzle pieces coming together.

Aang leaned back slightly, started by the sudden giggle.

“What’s so funny?” He mumbled, and I drew away, wiping a tear with the back of my hand. Aang watched a tear escape my effort, the drop rolling down my stained cheeks. Without thinking twice, he tugged on his sleeve to dry it. “T-this morning.” I hiccuped, shaking my head with a sad smile, recalling the romantic moment that just took place.

“Zuko said that I owe him two kisses per half-hour every time he keeps me warm.” I snorted, my gaze dropping to my lap, fingers twirling. “I-I told him no way, but now-but now I want nothing more but to give him those two kisses plus more.”

Aang smiled sympathetically, hearing my confession, cupping my hands and bringing them to his chest. It was then I noticed how my hands trembled and the heat that Aang was radiating. It was nothing like the heat from Zuko, his natural, the fire within him.

But regardless, feeling the warmth from Aang’s palms, spreading towards my own, had me mewling in delight. I was freezing, so used to having Zuko by my side, stealing his warmth like how Momo clung onto Appa for dear life. How did I survive in the Southern Water Tribe as long as I did without Zuko to warm me up?

“I know I’m no Zuko…I don’t have the hard rock abs or long hair, or overall cranky attitude.” Aang spoke light-heartedly, testing the waters. And despite the tense mood, I couldn’t help but giggle at Aang’s words, a genuine giggle.

Aang’s small smile shifted to a greater one knowing he enticed a laugh from me, letting his fingers intertwine with mine, placing them over his heart. “I’ll never be Zuko, Yue; no one could replace him. But he did teach me how to conduct heat, just in case, I have to warm you up for him whenever he can’t be beside you. Because trust me, Yue. There’s nowhere else Zuko would rather be than by your side.”

A shy blush rose to my cheeks, hearing Aang say some of the sweetest yet cheesiest lines to date. Lines that only Zuko could manage to make somewhat non-cringe-able. But that was the magic of Aang; he always managed to change the mood in a flash.

Wearing his emotions on his sleeves, Aang was never afraid to put himself in other people’s shoes, experience their pain, and empathize. This is why he’s the Avatar, and Katara is beyond lucky to land someone as sensitive and considerate as Aang.

“Thank you, Aang…I-I-you accepted me the moment you saw me. You gave me a home, friends, a family. I owe you everything.” I said, voice cracking because it was true. If it weren’t for that faithful day, saving Aang, him insisting on a meal – I would've never been where I was now.

But Aang merely shrugged his shoulders, letting my hands drop to my lap. “I lost my family, my Nation…I know how it feels to be alone. If it weren’t for Katara and Sokka, I don’t think I would’ve been able to grow, but now I have a place to call home.”

“…Katara is home for you, isn’t she?” I timidly mumbled, and Aang smiled.

“She’s my world.”

“Zuko…he’s my home…but between you and me, he’s my universe.” I twinkled softly, and Aang chuckled. “You really had to try and one-up me?” he teased, his hand briefly scratching the top of my head.

“I learned that from Sokka.” I peeped, a bit of playfulness arising from within me despite the melancholy that ran through my veins. “Of course, Sokka taught you that, make sure Katara doesn’t find out.” Aang muttered under his breath, trying to sound annoyed, but those were emotions seemingly foreign to Aang. He patted my head once more before dropping his touch.

Our soft laughs died down, Aang letting his fingers trace over my own delicately as we sat in silence. Mimicking the way I usually outlined the natural lines or scars the littered Zuko’s palms and arms. Zuko…

Zuko is okay; he’s in safe hands with Katara…and while I don’t know what was going to happen to us, I could get answers for something else. “Aang…umm…what did-what did the others say about, you know.” I whispered, shifting my gaze back to him.

Aang’s easy-going expression flattered for a moment, letting out a conflicted sigh as he rubbed the back of his head. I spotted the look on his face, the same look when he was unsure as to what to say when he first entered. “It’s a …complicated.” He started, and I rose a brow at his words, not the words I was expecting to hear, let alone from him.

“What does that mean, Aang?” I implored, clenching his hand anxiously. Aang’s mouth opened and closed, another great lament escaping him, fighting with himself. He doesn’t know whether or not he should spill.

“Don’t worry about it, Yue. You have so much on your plate already-.”

“But I do worry, Aang. I need to know. I’m tired of being left in the dark because people think I can’t handle the truth.” I pressured, and the look in my eyes must have spoken wonders because Aang broke.

He pulled from my grip, scratching behind his head once again, a look of shame etched in his face. “I told them the truth. I told them that you used Waterbending to save Zuko.” Aang mumbled under his breath, his words nearly blending at how soft-spoken he was. My eyes narrowed, tilting my head in confusion. Told them…the truth?

And that’s when it clicked.

“You lied to them.” I gasped.

“No, I told them the truth. Bloodbending is a form of Waterbending, is it not?” Aang stubbornly insisted, but even I spotted the doubt in his words. He didn’t even fully believe what he was saying to me. He sounded just like me, lying to himself about the truth – trying to convince himself more than me.

I glowered, shaking my head as I twisted my fingers, “Omitting the truth is just another way of lying,”

“But it keeps you safe.”

I snorted, “They couldn’t possibly believe that, Aang. Waterbending wouldn’t have been enough to save Zuko. Katara should’ve figured that out by now-”

“It’s easy to lie to the people who trust you the most.”

It felt as if someone was twisting my stomach from the inside out – Aang doesn’t lie.

Aang always tells the truth, but for me – he lied to everyone.

My head hung low, biting my lips as I squeezed my eyes shut.“I’m so sorry, Aang-” I whimpered, the heaviness of the situation hitting me like a ton of bricks. He lied to not only his friends but the love of his life for me.

He took advantage of Katara’s trust – all because of me.

I was not only causing pain upon Zuko but now the people who I viewed as family.

Aang cupped my face, forcing our gazes to meet. My amber coloured eyes met with his chocolate ones – a tenderness rooted deep in the stare. I found myself in utter awe, because despite it all, Aang still bore an amiable smile, dismissing my apologies with ease. “Some things must be done, and I know, in the long run, this is for the better.”

I sniffled, “I trust you, Aang.”

“Sokka, Suki, and Toph are working with the guards to figure out who did this to Zuko. We’re going to get through this together.”

“Aang…what if-what if Zuko doesn’t forgive me?” I trembled.

Just the thought of Zuko in the infirmary, hurt and in pain – at the mercy of the nurses and Katara made me feel sick. But the idea of this being the end of us after everything because of my greed. Because of my inability to be honest with Zuko took the cake.

If only I were stronger if only I weren’t broken and a monster-

Aang’s expression softened, ready to coddle me back to his chest, “Zuko loves you, Yue. Please don’t blame yourself-”

A loud knock interpreted Aang’s speech, both us jumping at the noise.

Whoever it was didn’t stop with a single blow, no – they were hasty and non-stop. Someone desperately wanted in. Who could it be? A guard, a maid? Aang tapped my cheeks appreciatively before rising to his feet.

“I’ll get it.” He muttered, but I couldn’t help but notice how it failed to reach his eyes.

There was a stiffness in Aang’s usual airy steps, much like when Toph used her seismic senses to feel. Aang wasn’t expecting anyone…he’s being cautious. I found my back straightening, brushing my hair as I observed the way Aang eased his way to the doors, the knocking lingering.

His hand gripped the handle, leaning towards the entry and jarring it just a crack. My curiosity grew, slanting forward to see or catchword of who was so enthusiastically rapping away. Aang’s head popped out the room, and his body relaxed instantly, a surprised squeak leaving him.

“Ursa-” Aang spoke, and I froze in my spot.

Zuko’s mom?

No-no-no-no- Ursa’s going to hate me, tear me to shreds-

My face paled, eyes unable to stop staring at how Aang stepped back into the room, his lips moving as he spoke. It was as if everything was happening in slow-motion. Aang opening the door wide with a smile, the commotion of outside out of mind.

All I could focus on was the rush of red that entered.

My nails dug into my thighs, wincing at the impending fury Ursa was undoubtedly about to unleash upon me. It’s my fault, my fault-

“Where is she?” Ursa gasped, urgency lingering in her words. Her voice sounded winded like she ran here with all her might. My eyes widen, hearing her, unable to utter a word as I studied Ursa. She looked frightened, her face white, body quivering.

I’ve never seen Ursa look anything less than put-together, the definition of royalty and beauty.

She was a kind woman, with a sassy tongue, two qualities that the people in the kingdom adored. It didn’t take long for me to realize that Ursa was the definition of strongminded, something I revered – and one could easily find such a trait in Zuko. His will was something that both drove me up the wall and admired.

But the look that decorated her face – it wasn’t the typical appearance she maintained. It was different, a sight I’ve never seen before.

Her lavish ruby robes were wrinkled, her raven coloured-hair slipping from the golden pins that kept her hair tidy. She frantically scanned every inch of the bedroom in a matter of seconds, and the moment her vibrant eyes fell over me, her shoulders slumped, a choked sob leaving her lips.

“You’re okay!”

Everything happened so fast.

She threw her arms in the air, tossing herself at me, and the sweet scent of flowers flooded my scenes. My body weakened in her arms, letting myself tumble into her embrace. The overwhelming sense of familiarity had me flushing, something I thought I would never experience again – a mother’s hug.

“You’re okay. My child is okay.” Ursa repeated like a song, hands running up and down my back, making sure I was indeed real and not a figment of her imagination. Her gestures were dramatic, yet without a second thought, my arms enveloped her – how I missed this.

“I’m so sorry, Ursa. It’s my fault; the tea was for me-”

“Don’t blame yourself for the actions of others. You’re safe, and Zuko’s safe, and that’s all that matters.” She happily blubbered, and I could feel my heart flutter.

The cheerfulness in her tone, squeezing the life out of me as she planted kisses all over my forehead. How many times have I seen Ursa do the same with Kiyi? Even with Zuko, much to his dismay. But the feeling of her peppering quick, chaste kisses all over my face had me rosy – a gesture bursting with the purest form of love.

“If Zuko doesn’t propose to you the moment he gets better, I’m going to kill that boy.” She muttered under her breath, and I smiled through tears; tears, I had no clue I was even shedding. “I wish I could’ve been better for Zuko, done more for him, Ursa. I’m sorry-”

“You don’t know, my child…you don’t know how much you’ve changed him. You saved him in more ways than one.” She droned into my ear, feeling her lips tugging upwards the whole time.

I spotted the way Aang beamed from a distance, that signature smile of his painting his face as he shot me a thumbs-up. His mouth was moving the whole time soundlessly, a prideful ��told you so’ lingering under his breath.

“Lady Ursa, Zuko is currently in the infirmary, you can go visit him with Ying Yue. He’s sleeping, but I know he’ll love your support…” Aang proposed, and Ursa pulled back, nodding eagerly. “Thank you, Avatar Aang. That sounds like a wonderful plan.” she hummed while cleaning up my appearance.

Ursa brushed the black strands of hair that kept falling in front of my face, tugging at a few tangles before straightening out the nightwear I wore. Ursa’s pink lips puckered towards the end, her eyes scanning my body up and down before clasping over my cheeks, “You’re running a fever, my dear.”

I was running a fever?

Aang frowned hearing those words leave Ursa, scratching his beard as he walked forward, “It seems you pushed yourself by bending, Yue. We should get your chi checked by Katara-”

“I’m fine- I promise.” I stammered, fingers twisting. The last thing I wanted was to be a bother when people should prioritize Zuko. I already caused so much trouble- “Oh, I swear, there are many things you can learn from Zuko, but stubbornness will not be one of them.” Ursa grumbled under her breath, and I coloured.

“I promise, Ursa, I feel fine, just tired.” I lied, trying to make my speech chirpy with each word. My body ached the more I focused, head throbbing, and I knew it was because of the bending I just unleashed.

I reached my limit, pushed myself too far…but what choice did I have? Between my bending or Zuko – the answer was clear. It’s just a matter of accepting the consequences.

Bloodbending wasn’t a skill for the weak; it took years of practicing with Mom, healing animals before people. Even Mom got tired at the end of a busy day of treating so many people, Dad sometimes picking her up and tucking her into bed.

“This isn’t up for discussion, Ying Yue. If you’re not the slightest bit well, we’ll never hear the end of it from Zuko when he arises.”

“I promise, Ursa! There’s no need to cause a fuss over me.” I exclaimed, and Ursa simply rolled her eyes with a tongue-in-cheek smile. “Tell that to Zuko.”

“Ursa-” I pouted, but before I could continue, Aang spoke.

“Umm…my apologizes but-uhh-”

Both of us turned to face Aang, whose brows were pinched together, a frown of concentration on his face. His hands were outstretched along the door, focusing. What was he doing? It was like he was trying to pick up on something. What could have Aang so bothered?

“Aang…” I voiced, scared to startle him out of his stance of awareness, “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, but I think someone is coming-no; people are coming.” He alleged, uncertainty lingering in his tone.

But boy was Aang right about people.

The ground felt like it was vibrating once he pointed it out, the sound of heavy footsteps moving together, getting louder and louder – like a swarm of bees. How did we not notice before? We were all so caught up in the moment, expressing ourselves that we failed to take in the obvious.

Ursa frowned, my hands slipping from her grasp as she studied the door.

“They’re here-” Aang warned, and once again, the sound of knocking resonated in the bedroom.

Heavy and harsh – three solid knocks. With much hesitance, Aang stretched forward, opening the door wide, and I saw the way his face twisted to that of a stern expression. Could it be who I think-

“Council.”

“Avatar Aang. We’re here to speak with Imperial Consort, Ying Yue if you please.”

Aang moved aside, tilting his head towards me, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. I gulped, staggered by the hefty sound of their footsteps entering the room – a room that was vast in size, suddenly feeling small with the number of people inside.

Eleven people stood, some young, some old – but I recognized most of their faces from my debut. There were so many people I had met; it was only a matter of time faces began combining, names forgotten, despite Zuko quizzing throughout the day.

And while they were most certainly not dressed as majestic as that day, they maintained an appearance of high-status, hair orderly, hands in front of themselves as their eyes settled upon me. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, understanding how I appeared.

Despite Ursa’s effort to clean up my appearance, I knew I was less than presentable. If I felt like poop before, now I feel even worse. But it was the two elders that stood upfront that had me rising from the comforts of my bed, their presence reminding me of Zuko’s.

Both elders had grey hair, the woman’s hair kept in a bun while the man beside her had his partly up, similar to Zuko’s go-to hairstyle for a casual workday. But the look on the man’s face, eyes tapered as he scowled. There was a wave of unspoken anger in his expression, noting that his knuckles were white from his fingers pressing against his skin.

“Imperial Consort Ying Yue.” He said, no, more so hissed.

The way my title slipped from his thin lips – as if it were a struggle for him to utter those words. Zuko said that four people voted against me. I fired one of them, so could this mean-

“H-how may I be of service, council?” I spoke carefully, my voice cracking from bawling minutes ago with Aang and Ursa.

The man merely huffed, chest-puffing hearing my voice. The display of discontentment caused the shiny emblem that decorated his arm to glisten under the sunlight that seeped into the room. Reluctantly, he cleared his throat, getting to the point of their visit.

“As per Fire Lord Zuko’s wish and via Fire Nation customs, should he be unable to rule, power shall temporarily fall into your hands until he is well enough to assume his role. This ruling applies immediately.”

Shit. How did I let such a fact slip my mind-

“You are expected to be in a meeting within the hour. I hope you are well-versed and educated in such political matters. It would be a shame for you to make a fool of yourself during a time like this.” He snickered. Embarrass myself? He thinks that because Zuko isn’t with me that he can just walk all over me-

“My son is hurt. My future daughter in law, the future Queen, should be spending her time with him, not in some meeting that can be postponed-” Ursa voiced furiously, but the man rose his hand, shutting her up completely.

“With all due respect, you have no authority here, Lady Ursa.”

“But I do, and I expect you to treat Fire Lord Zuko’s mother with as much respect as you do towards him.” I demanded, channelling my inner Toph as I marched forward. My arm outstretched before Ursa as if it could protect her from the complete and utter disrespect this man was demonstrating.

I saw Aang’s breath hitch, sensing the pressure rising in the room, moving towards our side. The man’s eyes narrowed before bitterly kissing his teeth, forcing the fakest smile I have seen to date, and at that moment, it hit me.

I do know him; he was with the man from the other day. He was one of the people who greeted us, although greet would be a bit of a stretch, when we arrived from Ember Island. He was there when I dismissed the councilmember; he’s one of the people who voted against me.

“My apologies, Lady Ursa.” He spat, and I glared, my guard, rising. I can’t trust him.

“I’ll be ready in an hour. See you at said meeting.”

He merely nodded.

Not bothering to show any more respect than necessary, he gave me a poor excuse of a bow, before twisting his body. Parading his way out, the others followed suit, an uncomfortable silence falling over them as they shared conflicting glances amongst each other.

Yet as everyone trailed behind, one by one, the room growing spacious, the older woman who stayed by his side the whole time stood still. She bore a soft smile, a smile of comfort. The wrinkles that decorated her face were prominent, her eyes glistening under the lighting.

“I wish for a speedy recovery for Fire Lord Zuko, Imperial Consort.” She sang as the room emptied to no one else but us. Her tone was light, reminding me of Aang in many ways. I saw Ursa’s body lax from behind me, shooting the lady a smile – they knew each other.

“Thank you, umm…” I drew, pitch dropping, realizing I was ignorant of her name.

“Ming. I never got a chance to introduce myself during your party.” She voiced gently, but the way she gazed at me. It was like she was reminiscing. As if she saw something that I didn’t - knew something about me, but not something necessarily bad.

Who was she really? Why do I feel like I should know her?

“Councilmember, Ming. I’ll see you soon; it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I spoke cautiously, unable to push the feeling away that she was important somehow. I wonder if she was on proper terms with Zuko? Her aura, it was unlike the man who was speaking before. It was like she was happy to see me.

“The pleasure is all mine, Imperial Consort. Until soon.”

She slowly left the room, and Ursa huffed inwardly as soon as we heard the delicate clicking sound of the door shutting.

“I can’t believe the audacity of some of these councilmembers, insisting on meetings at a time like this.” Ursa fumed, patting down her dress in tune with her rant. The slaps against her dress were rough, slapping the wrinkles out of her gown – but also her growing frustrations.

I saw the way her lips pressed tight, eyes watery as she raged, “We should be more concerned about who tried to hurt Zuko and you, not this.”

Every word she spoke, her hands were starting to shake; it was like the reality that her son was currently unconscious was hitting her. Aang glowered, sensing the crabbiness coursing through Ursa. She’s worried about Zuko, the genuine fear of a mother unable to protect her son.

She felt helpless, and I couldn’t help but relate to her on so many levels. Helplessness, uselessness – feelings that kept bubbling up from time to time, especially now.

“We have people looking into the case, Lady Ursa. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.” Aang reassured, talking to her as evenly as possible. Ursa sighed in defeat, nodding along because while she knew Aang was right, that didn’t change the fact that she was facing a whirlwind of emotions.

“I just don’t understand why Iroh can’t take Ying Yue’s position. This must be such a difficult time for you, and they were completely unsympathetic to the whole situation.” Ursa puffed, and I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I saw Ursa’s expression change.

My hand fell over her shoulder, shooting her a small smile as I squeezed her shoulder. “I’m fine, Ursa. I made a vow to this nation, to Zuko, and I don’t plan on breaking that. It’s the least I could do for him…”

“Yue…” Aang whispered, knowing very well what I meant by my works.

�� The truth was that Zuko was unconscious because of me.

I was beyond selfish to think that I deserved him; that someone like me, a low-life Bloodbender, deserved the happiness that I experienced from these past months with him.

Zuko almost died because of me, because of my inability to accept the fact that I didn’t deserve him – that he deserved better. I can’t sit around and do nothing anymore. The least I could do is make Zuko proud, be the Queen he always thought I could be – even for a moment.

“I can do this…I have to do this.” I mumbled under my breath, pushing back my self-destructive thoughts.

Now was not the time to cry, nor to worry about the what-ifs of us. There were thousands upon thousands of people depending on me at the moment until Zuko can get back on his feet. I didn’t spend countless hours reading and studying for fun.

Ursa smiled, her hand raising to caress my cheek. “I think I know what Zuko means when he says you have the spirit of a Firebender,” Ursa whispered, and I let out a small laugh.

“I’m no Firebender, Ursa.”

“You’re right; you’re even better. You’re a Queen, Ying Yue, Zuko’s Queen.”

I can only try.

“Are you sure, Yue? I can go into that meeting with you.” Aang insisted, matching my haste pace as we travelled through the long corridors.

The sound of my heels clicking against the marble flooring, high-pitch ticks bouncing off the walls were crystal clear. A considerable contrast to Aang’s feather-like footsteps. Our pace was in sync with my pounding heart, head in pain as I struggled to focus on my steps. My trembling hands, fidgeting with the pins that decorated my hair, didn’t help.

All the things that could go wrong in this meeting – where do I even start? I’ve never done a meeting this grand with Zuko by my side, let alone by myself. I wasn’t ready for something like this, not to this scale.

Sure, I did meetings back at the Southern Water Tribe, but this was completely different. The sessions there were calm and lax – jokes and smiles present at all times. And Zuko never got a chance to teach me the current plans or developments he was working on because I was sick, I’m out of the loop entirely.

My breathing quickened.

Chest tightening, each breath a struggle.

I can’t do this; I’m not ready. What was I thinking-

‘Just breathe, follow my lead’ I recalled Zuko whispering in my ear, his voice like dark chocolate. There was always a huskiness in Zuko’s tone, a raspiness that had me swooning, or in this case, giving me a sense of security. ‘That’s it, babe, slow and steady’ – I found my eyes fluttering shut, hands falling over my chest.

The memory was vivid, his arms wrapped around my waist, chin resting on my shoulder. The way his chest rises and falls on my back whenever we embrace, greedily trying to recall every single moment in time where he hugged me. Completely engulfed by his presence, his firewood scent, warm touch.

You always know what to say, Zuko, I want you here so bad.

“Yue?” Aang worried, his hand resting over my shoulder, and I froze. We stopped walking, and I reddened realizing what I was doing. “S-sorry, Aang-”

“Yue, you’re flushed. Ursa was right about your fever; you're burning up.” Aang sighed, letting his touch drop back to his side. I pressed a smile, fingers coiling in front of me as I tried to even out my breathing. “I don’t have a choice, Aang; I have to do this.”

“No, you don’t. This isn’t right, Yue- we both know that. You’re not well, you pushed yourself, and the last thing we need is you passing out.”

“Aang, this is my duty. I made a vow to Zuko. This is the least I could do for him. He depends on me for this.”

Aang blew out exasperated, and for the first time in a while, I saw a look of pure fatigue sweeping. His shoulders were tense, gripping onto his staff, his hands turning white. He’s frustrated, not with me – but with everything.

“Aang…” I whispered, letting my hand rest over his suffocating clutch. It was like he realized then how passionately he was grasping onto his staff, almost stopping his blood flow completely. “It’s only until Zuko gets better. After that, I’ll rest, I promise. But I need to do this.”

“This isn’t fair, Yue. Why can’t you just be happy?”

Happy. I shrugged my shoulders, “Because monsters don’t deserve to be happy, Aang.”

“Yue-”

“Imperial Consort Ying Yue! We wish Fire Lord Zuko a speedy recovery from his cold.” A bunch of maids chirped, causing me to pull back from Aang.

My head whipped to the sound of their cheery voices, noticing all the huge smiles on their faces, the sunlight from the windows casting a heavenly glow around them. Cold- “T-thank you for your support.” I stuttered.

Am I missing something?

The maids giggled, nodding before bowing, “Take care of yourself as well, Imperial Consort, good day!” My mouth opened, to wish them a great day as well, but no sound left. What just happened…?

“I forgot to tell you,” Aang muttered from behind, causing me to turn on my heel.

I rose a brow, crossing my arms as I leaned forward. “Forgot to tell me what, Aang?” I asked, and I saw the way Aang’s gaze shifted back and forth as if he was fearful of other people eavesdropping. He linked his arm with mine, strolling towards the throne room up ahead.

“Sokka said it would be better if we keep this assassination attempt under wraps.” Aang hushed, leaning towards my figure unsuspiciously. I tried to control my expression, hiding my look of surprise. That was not what I was expecting to hear.

“You mean lie to the kingdom?”

“We have to, Yue. If the kingdom finds out that someone tried to poison either you or Zuko, it’ll cause chaos. We need answers, and we can get those if the people who tried the assassination think they failed, which they did.”

“So, everyone thinks Zuko has a cold.”

“And I brought Katara here as a healer-”

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Sokka, you genius.

I shook my head, noticing the grand doors at the end of the hallway as clear as day. Two guards stood at their post, holding on to their weapons, still as a statue. The throne room. My teeth dug into my lips, fighting to urge to turn on my heel and run back into the securities of my bed.

But a dry cough that echoed down the hallway had me squinting. The same grumpy councilmember from this morning was standing in front of the throne room, near the doors and just out of sight.

His arms were crossed, a bitter smile on his face as he stared down at us.

A cold chill ran up my spine, watching the way he held his head high.

But, just like that, he turned on his heel, entering the room. Why does it feel like everyone hates me in this kingdom?

“I can go into that meeting with you, Yue.” Aang mumbled into my ear, and I sighed. “I’m fine, Aang. It’s just a meeting, what’s the worse that can happen?”

Aang frowned, leaning against his staff with a raised brow – as if I was really asking such a stupid question. “A lot. There’s a reason why Zuko didn’t want you to get involved. Even with most of the councilmembers hand-picked by him, there are still a few who he’s itching to dismiss; he just can’t without a proper reason. You managed to get rid of one.”

“Only three more to go.”

“Be careful, Yue. That’s all I ask.” I nodded, sharing a soundless stare. Aang bowed his head, and I took a deep breath – a mutual understanding.

Let’s do this.

I patted my dress down, shaking out any creases in the gown I wore. I didn’t even have time to admire the beauty of the fabric, too anxious to appreciate the exquisiteness. With much reluctance, I turned my back to Aang, slowly inching my way to the throne room.

Straight into the lion’s den.

The doors appeared grander as I walked down the empty hallways alone – taking in the deep coloured wood, floor to ceiling in height, an entrance fit for giants.

Through the light that shined through the windows, I spotted the stunning decals carved into the doors. Swirls, mimicking those of flames, etched with unbelievable accuracy. They reminded me of Zuko’s flames; controlled and restrained.

But whenever Zuko did let loose, letting his flames run wild like that one time during the rainstorm, it was breathtaking. My hand began delicately falling over the woodwork, the closest I would get to touching Zuko’s flames without burning myself ironically.

“Do you wish to enter?” A guard from the side spoke.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded, unable to delay the inevitable any longer.

The doors moaned loudly as the guards pushed the doors, allowing me to step into the great abyss. I found myself speechless, realizing that this was the first time I ever entered the Throne room. The last time this room was used was during Kayto’s visit.

Gosh, what a sight.

Long, endless lines of pillars adorned the space, reaching the ceiling, and it felt like beyond.

Each post was decorated to the spirits, carved dragons flying up the posts in a spectacular dance. It felt mystical, like a depiction straight from a children's tale. The amount of time and effort that must have been given to creating such masterpieces was unfathomable. How long did it take to build this room?

Candles lit up the space through low-hung chandeliers and candle stands, the room omitting a dark-yellow hue. The fact that this was practically a fire hazard in the making out of mind by the utter beauty of the place. But my attention fell over the sizeable dark-coloured table positioned in the center of the room.

There sat eleven councilmembers, their eyes glued to me as I unhurriedly entered. All their faces were stern, the flickering candles casting eerie shadows over their features. And suddenly, the magic of the room started fading, the sick feeling in my stomach returning.

“You’re late, Imperial Consort Ying Yue.” A voice boomed, a man standing from his seat at the table.

I frowned, tilting my head at the sound of his voice, realizing who it was – this grump again.

“Due pardon, but if I do recall, the meeting starts in an hour. I am early, fifteen minutes, in fact.” I clarified, and the councilmembers all stripped their gazes from me, staring at the table at which they sat.

“Did you not receive the notice of time change? The meeting was due to start fifteen minutes ago.” The man shot back, and I found myself trembling. The way the room was designed seemed to draw out every single noise – his cantankerous tone hitting me from all sides.

He set me up – he wanted me to look bad for coming late. There wasn’t a single maid looking for me, telling me about the change of time. My mouth opened and closed before swallowing my pride.

Don’t argue with him, Yue.

He wants you to mess up – reasons as to why you shouldn’t be with Zuko.

“Apologizes, it seems the message failed to be relayed to me,” I spoke, each word forced because I knew the truth. The rest of the councilmember’s eyes narrowed, hearing my apology, but not in reaction to me, but to the man who spoke. They didn’t like him either; it seems.

“No need to apologize, Imperial Consort Ying Yue. Please, take a seat at the head table.” A honied voice spoke, Ming. She stood from her seat, her back straight while bowing her head. I followed her gesture, her small hands pointing to the space at the far end of the table.

How did I not notice that before?

Unlike the others who sat in their seat at the table, this was a platform. Three steps above the ground, at the head of the table, a golden throne lined with luxurious rogue fabric. Hesitatingly, I walked forward, eyeing the set-up.

The Fire Lord’s seat – Zuko’s throne.

The style alone was undoubtedly not Zuko’s, much too gaudy, but this must have been passed down from generation to generation. Could I even sit in this place? Is this appropriate? Sure, I’m in power at the moment, but I’m not the official ruler, just a placeholder.

“Is there an issue, Imperial Consort?” Ming questioned, her voice sounding distant. How big is this table, this room? I let out a timid smile, shaking my head. “Nothing at all, it’s perfect.” Ming smiled at my words, urging me to take a seat. As if she was letting me know that it was okay.

I tried to lax my body, hands balling up the fabric of my dress before collapsing into the throne. It felt like clouds, the chair beyond comfy, and it gave me a clear view of everyone before me, too clear.

The sensation of being high-up, towering above all, felt foreign, not settling well in the slightest. Towering above everyone else like I was some godly figure, all alone. Is this why Zuko doesn’t conduct meetings here? It felt isolating, almost dictating.

Zuko was confident, too confident; he didn’t need to sit high up in a throne to command power. People just had to hear Zuko speak; his actions and work ethic alone were enough to secure his right as Fire Lord.

Having everyone's eyes looking up at me had me feeling self-conscious, fingers playing with my dress, and that’s when I noticed the tidy pile of documents off to the side, ‘Fire Lord.’

“The documents you see there will assist you in today’s meeting.” Ming smiled, already taking her seat once again. I nodded, reaching forward.

I opened the folder, eyes briefly scanning its contents - schooling.

My brows pinched together, flipping through the papers swiftly, not at all expecting to see this topic come in play today. It was all about budgets and funding for upcoming schools around the Fire Nation. The possibility of new educational institutions, finances, job increases for the general public.

Zuko was trying to build more schools for children. Decrease the student to teacher ratio to provide a more personalized education. I had no clue Zuko was working on this-

“Let us get straight to the point.” A councilmember coughed, my head snapping upwards to gaze over them all. My new found enemy let his hands rest on the table, palms down as if he were trying to control his composure.

“We’re here to discuss the funding for the new schools set to be built within the year.” A councilmember rose their hand, gazing at me before speaking, “For what reasons? We have already established and approved all their placements.”

The man merely rolled his eyes, tapping the table impatiently, “We discussed placement, but not funding. The funding that we have discussed is not enough for certain zones. Let us examine Ember Island – the funding for schooling should not be less than that of Black Cliffs.”

I frowned, eyes darting back to the front of the document.

A simple map was drawn, and sure enough, all the schools that had been approved were drawn on the map in red. Black Cliffs…its in the middle of nowhere…why would he want less funding if that funding is critical-

“I disagree. Black Cliffs is in a remote area; they require more funding and a larger space since it is expected that these two villages will use this school until another one is built in the future. Ember Island already has three established schools, the new school being built is merely an expansion.” I reasoned.

Thank you, Zuko.

It was moments like these; I was thankful for Zuko’s complete and utter control-freak tendencies. His pretty handwriting was clear to read, the tiny notes he made off to the sides of each document helpful. I never got a chance to look at these papers beforehand like I had planned originally. He had to go and change the time of this damn meeting.

“Nonsense. Ember Island and other cities need an increase in funding.” He insisted.

“And why’s that?” I huffed.

His eyes met mine, shooting me a glare. “If it was not clear in the notes in your pile, it is not unusual for high-status locations to have greater funding compared to low-class villages.”

The language of this man. “I highly doubt that.” I started, but he pointed at the papers in my hands, “Look, Imperial Consort.” My eyes fell back onto the documents, rapidly flipping through papers.

Contract approvals, estimated government costs for building, funding- what?

My mouth dropped, fingers running along with the black ink, Zuko’s signature.

The documents were older; previous educational establishments built within two years. Each city that was known to cater to high-ranking socialites gained more money for their public schools. But Zuko wouldn’t do something like that; he would never give more money to the rich.

Yet the handwriting at the bottom, his seal of approval. Zuko agreed to this. He gave more funding to already prosperous areas in previous years.

Why would you do that-

“Well, Imperial Consort – did you find your proof?” The man snickered, a sinister grin on his face the whole time. He knew that I found what he wanted me to see, leaning back in his chair smugly with raised brows.

I swallowed, nodding as I studied the paperwork.

The gut feeling in my stomach, my mind screaming at me that this was wrong, wouldn’t go away. Zuko wouldn’t do that- he wouldn’t do this.

“Good. We can end this meeting swiftly then. Just sign this paper here – you approving an increase of funding for these cities, and we can be dismissed.” The man smirked, waving the ivory coloured paper in the air. The other councilmembers gazed at each other in horror, shaking their heads.

“Impossible. Fire Lord Zuko never approved of such means; he overruled Fire Lord Ozai’s school curriculum and funding process for reasons.” A woman shouted, slamming her hands.

The man sneered at her, chinning towards me, “It seems like Fire Lord Zuko had a change of heart after all. He understands the importance of the high-ranking people of this Nation, not these filthy low-lives.”

My hands started getting sweaty, watching the way the councilmembers began bickering with each other. They were at the edge of their seats, dropping formalities as they rose their voices. Zuko wouldn’t do that to children, gosh he had a hard exterior, but he wasn’t heartless.

“I wish to see these documents! He would never approve!”

“But if Imperial Consort found his signature approving of the funding in previous years…”

“There will be an uproar from these villages. They are important, our main source of food. If they learn that we cut their funding and gave it to developed cities-”

“Nonsense, they should know better than to revolt. Now hurry up and sign the papers!” The man shouted, slamming his hand against the table, the paper wrinkling under his grasp. The slamming of the documents reverberated in the room – bouncing off the walls and had everyone shutting up.

His face was red, his eyes not wavering from my own, “Sign. The. Document.”

“This needs to be deliberated in more depth-” I insisted. Gosh, Zuko wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t approve of this. He wouldn’t do this-

“Nothing more has to be discussed, just approve it already. If these children do not have a school to attend to by the end of this year, the blame will fall over you for delaying the process, Imperial Consort. Can you live with yourself knowing that you are the reason children will not attend school this year because you could not make a decision?”

Just sign it Yue – you have your proof. Clearly, Zuko is okay with this.

But I’m not okay with this.

But the proof- My fingers fell over the black ink again, where Zuko’s signature laid.

It was his, I knew his handwriting, down to the way he flicked his wrist or dipped his pen for ink. These papers were proof that he was okay with this, and if he’s okay with this, this leaves me with only one choice-

“I refuse to approve the funding. I will review the documents, and we can continue this meeting this evening with my final decision.” I spoke, trying to make my voice sound solid. A wave of relief washed over the majority of the council, and I could spot the three individuals who had the opposite reaction, furry etched in their faces.

“You are wasting time.” The man grumbled, and I heaved a sigh. “Maybe so, but regardless if Fire Lord Zuko approved of this beforehand, I need time to review this information.”

“You may be Imperial Consort, but you will never earn the respect of a Queen – you are nothing more but a Waterbender playing dress-up.”

An eerie silence overcame us, and for the tenth time today; I could feel my heart shatter because he was right.

I don’t deserve to be Queen, nor Zuko’s partner.

Nothing was going right.

It was as if the spirits decided that today wasn’t going wrong enough – let’s add more to my plate for their sick amusement.

My hands ran through my hair in frustration, not caring in the slightest at the fact that the beautifully placed pins tumbled onto the rug underneath me. A string of curse words that would even have Zuko proud flew from my lips.

Not even Zuko’s level of foul language would match my current state of self-destruction.

The black ink pooled on the tabletop, some dripping on the red of my dress, like droplets of black blood. “Gosh, just my luck.” I fumed to myself, on the verge of just throwing every single bloody document on this table out the window. How does Zuko do this every day?

Seeing the piles upon piles of paperwork that littered the floor, the words mashing together like a giant blob. My mind was spinning, face rosy from the stress and this fever that refused to back off for a second.

I blew loudly, brushing my hair behind my ears before leaning over the study. My arm outstretched, fingers stretching to grasp the bundle of napkins placed off to the side.

Utterly lost in my thoughts, I failed to take into account the vial of ink I had placed right in front of me, the draping of my sleeves knocking it over.

My eyes widen, shoulders slumping in utter despair at the clacking sound of the glass vial hitting the wooden table, yet again – spilling the remaining ink.

“Are you KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?” I cried, pulling back hastily, my long-sleeves dragging the ink with it. My voice cracked slightly, raising my tone as high as I did, not expressing such defeat in spirits knows how long.

I watched helplessly as the ink settled into the natural indents of the wood, thankfully nowhere near the documents from the meeting this morning. And at that exact moment, a knock caught my attention, and I swallowed.

Who could it possibly be now- Shutting my eyes before taking a deep breath, I bite my lip anxiously. Calm down, Yue. Count to ten.

One…two…

five…seven…

nine…ten.

“Yes?” I squealed, trying desperately to mask my frustration. The poor soul, on the other end of the door, didn’t need to experience my wrath when they did nothing wrong. I’m just an absolute idiot, that’s the problem.

The study door jarred slightly at the sound of my voice, and to my shock, a guard popped his head in, free of his helmet. His long wavy hair swayed side to side as he bent over from his waist, up, a worried look on his face.

“Is everything alright, Imperial Consort-oh, did you spill the ink, again?” He mused, a silly smile popping on the guard’s face almost instantly.

My face flushed, “…Maybe.”

The guard didn’t even have to step back outside. He lifted his arm from behind his back, a perfectly folded set of napkins in his grasp. “Fire Lord Zuko always asks me to keep some on hand; he says his Consort is a bit of clutz.” He chuckled, leaving me stunned.

My mouth opened, ready to protest, but the current flood on the desk, my lap and sleeve filthy had me thinking twice.

Why do you always have to be right, Zuko?

“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble,” I whined, my shoulders dropping in fatigue as my hand fell over my face. I rubbed my eyes, fighting back the tears of frustration, before exhaling.

It was embarrassing.

Here I am, pretending to act like I have the slightest idea as to what I was doing.

Acting as if I was totally fit for this role, which I wasn’t.

The guard let himself in, kicking the door shut behind him with his heel. He walked forward with ease, his boots clicking louder the closer he got. The guard seemed at complete ease as if he has walked inside this room countless times over the years to help clean up ink spills.

“Don’t be sorry, Imperial Consort. Everyone has those days, even Fire Lord Zuko.”

I perked up at the mention of Zuko, the guard starting to section out the napkins to clean up the mess. “Fire Lord Zuko wouldn’t spill his ink two times in a row, in less than an hour time,” I mumbled under my breath, and the guard snorted at my statement.

“Permission to speak freely?” The guard requested, and I tilted my head in surprise, nodding.

“Please, do not tell him I told you this, but Fire Lord Zuko used to go through six vials a day after his coronation because he kept knocking it over. Six times a day, I would go to the supply room, and bring them to him. I learned after day two to just keep them on me at all times.”

I laughed under my breath at the story, the guard laughing with me, his armour rumbling with joy recalling those times. He outstretched some napkins towards me, which I grabbed with a smile, the tension in my body easing.

I could already picture it. Zuko getting all flustered, just like me, trying to clean up his mess just to do the whole process all over again. Six times exact.

“Thank you…I needed to hear that.” I hummed, letting a towel soak up some of the ink I had just spilled. The guard nodded his head, shooting me a smile, “No problem, you know, Fire Lord Zuko would be proud of how much work you got done. It must be nice for him to know he can take a day off when he’s sick because he has you to trust.”

I froze, looking at the pile the guard was referring to.

A few papers were completed, my signature at the bottom of each document with the Fire Nation seal beside. But the papers weren’t anything grand in nature – simple stuff. Stuff I used to do all the time back at the Southern Water Tribe.

The only difference was over here, there was a lot of more pointless rules and ‘expectations,’ down to the way you cross your t’s and dot your I’s.

“I highly doubt that…Zuko would’ve finished all this way before lunchtime, and I’m not even close.” I huffed, and the guard shook his head. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Imperial Consort. He talks about you all the time to me. Says he trust you with his life.”

“He does?” I shyly questioned, accidentally dropping the napkin into a small puddle of ink, causing little droplets to fly over us. I apologized under my breath, but the guard looked entertained, not bothered in the slightest that black ink now stained his uniform.

“Of course, in fact…I am a little guilty of taking advantage of it. Whenever he is in a sour mood, I point at you through the window, and he’s back to it.”

I coloured, recalling Zuko admitting to me he sometimes catches my morning walks with Ursa and Kiyi in the gardens. But if he can see my morning walks, that means he also sees all the times I play with Kiyi out in the gardens, or when I read books to her beneath the cherry blossom trees. Yet he still asks me what I did during the day, listening as I rambled on and on…

“Imperial Consort, do you wish for me to put these documents away in the reject folder?” The guard interjected, cutting my thoughts in half.

My eyes narrowed, staring at the paperwork in question. I found myself jumbled. “The-the reject pile?” I repeated, making sure of the words the guards just spoke. He nodded his head, and I found myself stunned, “These papers were from this morning meeting, I need them still.” I spoke, and I noticed the way the guards face twisted in confusion, a look matching mine.

He opened his mouth, almost afraid to talk, and I stopped wiping the table eagerly, more interested in the thoughts running through his mind

“You may speak, don’t hold your tongue around me. I don’t bite.” I insisted, and the guard’s shoulders visibly eased, scratching his chin like Sokka or Aang.

“It’s just that…I don’t see why you have these papers or how you got these. These are all rejected proposals; Fire Lord Zuko just keeps them for reference.”

Rejects-

“So, what you are saying is these papers, this funding – was never approved?” I gasped, running around the study to the guards’ side.

The guard’s eyes widen in surprise, a pink blush coating his cheeks. Undoubtedly, taken aback by the way my hands fell over his arms. I didn’t even notice I did such an action, so caught up in the moment, it was a reflex.

“N-no, Fire Lord Zuko would never approve of these figures. Taking money from smaller villages, he didn’t spend years fighting with the council to change those policies, just to go back on his promises.”

That man- he set me up.

“He-he tricked me. He wanted me to sign those papers.” I whispered under my breath, falling against the study in a state of shock.

Zuko’s signature on these papers wasn’t for approvals, but his mark of denial.

I knew Zuko would never approve of this, but the council didn’t think I knew Zuko well enough to know that. They think all I am to Zuko is a royal bedwarmer, that I don't know anything about him – the very thing Mai accused me of.

“Imperial Consort, did I say something wrong?” the guard worried, his hands hovering over my body, unsure whether to support my resting figure. The poor guy thinks I almost passed out or something from this never-ending fever.

I laughed under my breath, a wave of relief washing over me, “How can I be mad at someone who just saved me!” I enthused, and the guard looked more confused than ever. He looked around the room, scratching his chin as a low string of ‘uh’ and ‘oh’ left him.

“I didn’t know you needed saving…I just offered to put away these documents.” The guard awkwardly said, and I rolled my eyes.

“You don’t get it, this morning, a few members of the council wanted me to increase the funding for certain cities – and they fed me these papers. They tried to convince me that Zuko said okay to this in the past!”

It was like someone lit a candle in the guard’s head, his eyes widening before he swore under his breath. “I can’t believe it- for years those greedy councilmembers tried to steal money. I’ve heard Fire Lord Zuko complain about this for months. They have this weird philosophy about the survival of the fittest – oppressing the weak and living off their ill-being.” The guard spat, huffing to himself in disgust.

“They planted false papers to get their way, tried to take advantage of you. I can’t believe it- no wonder Ming told me to keep an eye out for you.”

“Ming?” I repeated— the older woman from this morning and the meeting, the one with a warm smile. The guard nodded, walking back and forth in the office.

“Yes, she told me this morning to keep an eye out. That she doesn’t trust some of the councilmembers. She can’t come here herself to help you – it’ll look suspicious on her end. I’ve known her for years; she’s a good woman. She spoke with Fire Lord Zuko a few days ago before he caught this cold, offered her help as well.”

The warmth that enveloped in my heart, my hands falling over my chest in bliss.

I knew it-

I knew Zuko would never do such a thing. He may be a tough cookie, but he was still sweet, and his heart was in the right place. He didn’t spend every waking second in his life to turn against his Nation – his work was his source of pride and honour.

“I don’t know how they got these papers, Imperial Consort, but you can’t approve of this funding. It goes against Fire Lord Zuko’s whole goal.” The guard pleaded, and I smiled, clasping my hands with his. “Don’t you worry, I never was going to approve of it. But knowing that I was right all along makes things a lot easier for me. Thank you for everything.” I gushed, and the guard nodded, before stifling in a laugh.

“We still have a mess to clean.”

“Gosh, I forgot about that…” I muttered under my breath, but a smile still sat on my face.

A victory.

Even if small, it was still a win in my books.

For the first time today, I felt like I could breathe. Actually, enjoy the fresh air that came from the window and appreciate the sun that danced along my skin. I was no longer in a weird trance, entirely out of touch with the world around me.

“I’ll be back; we let the ink settle into the wood. I think we need some heavy-duty cleaning stuff to help us.” The guard chuckled, and I bashfully nodded, realizing just how grand of a mess I made.

I let my fingers dab and soak up the excess ink with whatever clean towels were left, the guard letting his used rags rest on the table. His suit jiggled as he lightly jogged towards the office door. He swung it open, but just as he stepped through the doorframe, I noticed the way he jumped back slightly, bowing deeply.

I pouted, opening my mouth to speak up, but a rush a blue and green caught my eyes.

“Yue!” The voices cried into my ears, their arms wrapping around my body, squeezing me between them. It took a few seconds to process the embrace, but more importantly, who it was.

“S-Suki, Katara?” I gasped out in surprise, struggling to breathe between their hug.

Katara pulled back, running her hands down my face with a large frown. “Ursa was right; you’re heating up. Aang, you should’ve dragged her to me!” She nagged, and right away, a voice of protest popped up from behind her. “I wanted to, but she insisted on working.”

“Just as stubborn as Zuko.” I heard Toph grumble under her breath, although I failed to spot her, Katara and Suki taking up much of my view.

“How are you feeling, Yue? You look like shit, no offence.” Suki proclaimed, poking my nose good-humouredly. Even though she wore her thick makeup, I spotted the way her eyes lit up, wrinkles forming around her eyes. That’s right, Aang lied to them. None of them have a single clue as to what I did.

I swallowed hard, looking back and forth around the room, seeing Sokka and Aang sneak into the room. The door shut behind them, and while they talked and asked questions about my well-being, I couldn’t help but focus on their appearance.

They all looked drained as if they were put through the wringer. But the look on Katara’s and Sokka’s face took the cake. I hadn’t seen any of them all day, only Katara in the morning when she rushed to Zuko’s side. Dark circles painted their tanned skin, their bright blue eyes not shining as bright as usual.

I frowned, raising my hand to cup Katara’s face.

She must have been healing this whole time, trying to help Zuko. If only I could be as great of a healer as Katara- “You look tired, Katara. Are you resting?” I whispered, and she scoffed.

Her hand gripped mine, pushing it away as she once again pressed the back of her palm against my forehead. “I’m fine, Yue, we’re all fine. But you, not so much. Have you eaten lunch today?” I flushed under her gaze, shaking my head with a silent ‘no.’

Sokka kissed his teeth, noticing he wandered from behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders. His touch had me wobbling, the weight of his hands on my shoulders feeling heavy. I felt weak – and I realized I was still leaning against the study as a form of support.

“Princess, you look ill. We can talk later; I think you need to call it quits for today.”

“Talk to me about what?” I asked, facing Sokka, Katara’s hand dropping from my face. He sighed, looking at the others for approval of some sort. “Sokka, let’s not do this now...” Katara warned, but Toph’s unamused tone triumphed them.

“It’s about Zuko, Princess.”

Katara twisted on her heel – anger flashing in her eyes at Toph’s nonchalant talking, but she wasn’t fazed at all. Toph’s blindness proved to work in her favour, already lounging on the office floor, resting her head on her palm, elbow on her knee.

My heart started pounding, seeing the dark looks on everyone’s faces, “Is Zuko going to be okay? Aang told me he was going to be okay-” I panicked, and Suki quickly wrapped her arms around my shaking body, hushing into my ear.

“Hey, he’s going to be just fine. It’s nothing bad, we promise.”

A deep exhale left me, my eyes fluttering shut as I fell against Suki. “I just want him to be okay. That’s it.” I whimpered into her arms, and I felt Sokka rest his hand on my head, petting my hair. “Don’t worry, Princess, we got this. We just wanted to bring you up to speed.”

“Did you learn anything new?” I questioned, pulling back from Suki’s embrace slightly. She still held me close to her frame, and Katara nodded. “Yue…did you know that Firebenders are resistant to poison?”

My eyes narrowed, unable to form words. Resistant to poisons? How is that possible? “I-I had no clue-”

“Me neither, I learned that today with the nurses. But that’s the thing, why try to kill the Fire Lord with poison, the very thing that Firebenders are immune? Sounds counter-intuitive, don’t you think?” I stared, trying to under what they were trying to get at.

I saw the way Zuko struggled to breathe; he didn’t resist the poison at all. He was dying; I felt him slipping from right beneath my fingers. “I don’t get your point….”

“Whoever did this was trying to target you, Princess,” Sokka said, and I faced him. “We know that already, Sokka. The tea was meant for me. But what does that have to do with Firebenders and poison? Zuko didn’t look like he was resisting the poison at all. He was gasping and struggling and-”

Suki gripped my hands, noticing I was shaking, just picturing Zuko again. The mental image of Zuko in pain forever etched into my mind.

“Exactly, Yue. Zuko wasn’t resisting the poison at first, and that got me curious.” Katara budded in, turning to face Aang. He walked forward, searching into his robe, before pulling out a tiny red pouch.

“How is it possible, that Zuko, a powerful Firebender, almost died from poison, when Firebenders are supposedly resistant?” Katara spoke, taking the bag and tugging the strings. The contents of the pack fell into her palm, grounded bits of herbs, scattering her palm.

I remember those herbs-

“That was what was in the tea…” I gasped, and Katara nodded.

“Zuko’s mom is a master botanist, a fact not too well-known in the kingdom. We asked her to look at these herbs and tell us what it was. And you know what she told us, Yue?” Aang spoke, and I shook my head.

I loved plants, always wanted to be florist back when I lived in Earth Nation. Have my little flower garden with a family. But I lacked the resources to learn the technicalities of the field, let alone botany. “I-I don’t know…”

“Ursa said the same thing.” Aang started, poking at the herbs with his pointer finger. “This – isn’t something we know. Someone created this herb, Ursa said it’s called cross-pollination. It’s an advanced technique; not even Ursa is comfortable with it anymore. But whoever did this, did so with the sole purpose of creating a poison so potent that it could kill a person in seconds, or disable a Firebender.”

“Someone wanted you to die, Princess, and if given a chance, kill Zuko too. A two for one combo.” Toph snorted, blowing upwards and causing her bangs to fly upwards.

Katara dumped the contents inside the pouch again, passing it back to Aang. “You were their main target, Zuko was just an after-thought.”

“So, what you’re trying to tell me is the person in question is a botanist?”

“It seems so, but when we interviewed the gardeners and florists, everyone came back clean. They don’t fit the bill.” Sokka exclaimed, “Suki and I went through every registered gardener and florist assigned to the kingdom, everyone had an alibi.”

“Does this…does this have something to do with Yakone and Azula?” I whispered. Everyone’s looks darkened, Aang meeting my gaze. “We don’t know for certain...we don’t even know what their goal is besides destroying the United Nations. But if that was the case, wouldn’t it be easier to attack me?”

Katara visibly tensed, looking back at Aang with a frown, “Don’t say that…”

“But it’s true; their motives are unclear and-”

“Sokka.” I budded, cutting off Aang. Everyone perked up at my voice, stepping forward as I paced back and forth. “You said you checked every gardener and florist registered with the kingdom, right,” I questioned, looking straight at Sokka.

He nodded, watching how I stomped up and down the room. Katara sighed trying to reach forward, “Yue, you need to sit down, you look like you’re going to pass out-”

“What about Mai?” I blurted.

The looks on everyone’s faces dropped.

I stopped pacing, a hand falling over my head the more and more I thought about it. “Mai’s sister, owns a flower shop, right? Zuko said she works for her sister, not for the kingdom. She isn’t a botanist, but she could’ve easily tricked her sister into creating something this deadly.”

“Yue. I know Mai is Zuko’s ex-girlfriend, and you already think she’s guilty beforehand-” Sokka spoke, and my face turned red.

“I’m not accusing her of something because she’s Zuko’s ex, Sokka! I’m saying it because we know she’s the snitch, and if we know she’s working with Azula, why would she be innocent of this?”

Aang took a deep breath, shaking his head as he took a step back. The room was growing in tension, and I didn’t even notice the way Toph stood. “Princess is right. You guys let your personal feelings get in the way – yet again. She’s a prime suspect first, before a friend. She has all the tools, easy access in and out of the kingdom. She would’ve known that Princess gave Kima and Lia the morning off.”

My face twisted to confusion, stepping forward, “Give Kima and Lia the morning off?” I repeated, and this time they all gazed at me like I was crazy. “I was told that Kima and Lia took the day off because something came up.” I blurted.

“No…we have paperwork saying you gave them the morning off. You sent a guard with a note; we just asked Kima and Lia a few minutes ago when they arrived-”

“Imperial Consort Ying Yue did not send me to deliver such a letter.” A voice spoke up, causing us all to jump.

The guard who was helping me from before was holding some cleaning supplies, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed deeply. “S-sorry for interrupting, but Imperial Consort Ying Yue did not request me to send the letter.”

“You sent the letter?” I asked, and the guard nodded.

“Yes, last night, before they left. Countess Mai asked me to deliver that letter to your maids in your place.” His cheeks flushed slightly, uncomfortable by the number of stares he was receiving, but he maintained eye contact with myself.

“I-I knew about the rumours about you and Countess Mai, b-budding heads, so I was surprised. But she said you two had some afternoon tea and worked your differences. That she will be your aid, as a symbol of goodwill. I’m sorry, what is this all about-”

“Goodwill, my fucking ass.” I snarled, and just like that, I bolted.

“Yue~!” Aang shouted, “Where are you going!?”

“Nobody hurts Zuko and gets away with it.”

I ignored their cries, shoving past the guard, the cleaning supplies spilling onto the ground. My hand gripped the door handle, swinging the door wide.

Red, all I saw was red.

My hands turned into fists, not caring about the stares I was receiving from the guards and servants. My hair was a mess, dress dirty from the ink stains from earlier today. I wasn’t even wearing my heels anymore, opting for a more comfortable footwear the moment I went into the study – proving useful at the moment.

The gang’s voices seemed distant, as I ran down the red-coloured hallways. The sun was starting to set, blood pumping loudly in my ears.

Mai.

How I tried to be friends with you.

How I tried to think well of you despite all the trash you spoke about me.

You can hurt me as much as you like, but don’t you dare hurt the people I love.

I turned the corner, noticing that the rooms of the kingdom were changing. The artwork was less grand, the doors no longer as tall – I’m in the noble’s quarters. A few people dressed in regal clothing stared at me, eyes narrowing in confusion as they saw the way I scanned the area like a madwoman.

“Is there something you need, Imperial Consort Ying Yue?” a woman asked prudently, her eyes judging my appearance.

I glared, stepping forward, “Where is Countess Mai.” I hissed.

Her eyes widened, the people around her looking panicked, hearing my manic tone. She took a step back, her body trembling with fear as she watched the way my fingers twitched with anger. “I-I’ll call for her, um- MAI!”

A scene started to unfold, more and more people leaving the comforts of their quarters to look at the commotion happening outside. But it was that sound. That bored, mono-toned voice that had chills running up my spine

“What do you want?” Mai hissed, turning the corner of the hallway, a look of displeasure written on her face. Her cat-like eyes met mine, her figure stilling, and I forced a smile.

“Your nose healed nicely.” I spat, and without a moment to spare, she ran.

My knees bent, chasing at full speed.

The way Mai moved with ease, turning the corner she just came from as I hastily struggled to catch up. The long gown I wore kept slowing me down, the guards reaching out for me hearing my heavy footsteps.

“Imperial Consort, what are you doing-”

“Give me this,” I shouted, grabbing the dagger attached to their hips as I ran past them.

They couldn’t react fast enough, slipping through them like water in a desperate effort to not lose track of Mai. She knew the kingdom better than me, and she was taking full advantage of it.

Her light-weight but fitted clothing gave her an edge, looking over her shoulder with a glare as she saw I was on her tail. Mai wasn’t stupid; she was a trained fighter – her lean physique and quick steps were the proof.

I reached down hurriedly, yanking a large chunk of my dress in my hands, slicing the extra material off. The sound of expensive fabric being ripped to shreds would’ve had the royals crying. But the dead fabric dropping from my hands had me sighing in relief.

My legs felt free, no longer under the tight constraints, or weighted down. Now I can fight. My pace quickened, pushing myself off the wall as she turned another sharp corner.

“Give up; already, you think you can catch me?” Mai snarled, and my eyes widened. Her hands snuck up her sleeves for a brief moment, before flicking her wrist towards me.

I gasped, the glistening look of the setting sun reflecting off metal had me darting to the side. I twisted my body and bumped ungracefully against the hallway wall. The feeling of a sharp piece of metal cutting my cheek had me flinching, noticing that Mai stood still for a moment with a broad grin.

“You don’t know how good that felt.”

“You poisoned the tea, didn’t you?” I shouted. Mai shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t do anything. I just gave the tools necessary. That’s all.”

“You almost killed Zuko.”

Her eyes narrowed at my words, snickering under her breath, “If he died, it would’ve been your fault. I told you the moment you came here. You made a mistake.” She turned on her heel, picking up the pace, and I huffed.

I flung myself forward, disregarding the pain that radiated up my body. I can’t go on for much longer; I’m too weak from this morning. But I have to do this- A large red door was at the end of the hallway, and I spotted the way Mai’s hand stretched forward.

Oh no, you don’t- I twirled the small dagger in my hand, and with a grunt, rocked my arm forward.

Mai’s fingers grazed the knob before the sound of metal slicing through wood had her swearing. Pieces of timber sparked, splinters flying in the air at the sheer impact of the dagger piercing the exit. Mai flinched, realizing what I had done – the door was jammed.

“Fuck,” Mai swore under her breath, before jumping on her toes, the look of absolute anger evident. She looked to her side, and with an irritated grunt, dashed towards the only hallway available.

It’s a dead-end, she’s going to have nowhere to go.

My pace slowed, almost running into the blocked door, praying that no one was on the other side, because they were going to be stuck in there for a bit. I looked towards the hallway Mai ran down, half expecting her to be throwing a temper tantrum, realizing she has nowhere to go, another part anticipating her to put up a fight.

But to my absolute horror and confusion - Mai was still running at full speed. My mouth dropped, face paling. It’s a dead-end besides a window, we’re on the second floor; she couldn’t possibly be thinking-

The sound of glass shattering had people screaming in their rooms.

It bounced off the wooden floors, tiny pieces flying in the hallway – some even cutting the paintings that hung nearby. The small shards created streams of rainbows throughout the corridor- as I watched in utter awe.

Mai’s crazy.

And if Mai weren’t the reason that Zuko was currently in the nurses' station, unconscious, I would’ve saluted her. A part of me had to scoff at the idea of Zuko and her in a relationship. No wonder they didn’t work out – you had two ruthless, stubborn warriors, neither of them willing to submit or show weakness no matter what.

‘Too many cooks in the kitchen’ – wise words Iroh.

I groaned under my breath, forcing my legs to trek forward, flinching as my feet were still sore from the small cuts I received from early in the day. My hands reached out, leaning out the window, the smell of fresh air filling my nostrils.

Where the fuck could she have gone?

My eyes desperately scanned the area, the waterfall that Toph just fixed in full view. Glass littered the grass below, servants causing a ruckus about the mess, but I pushed back the random shrieks of shock because I couldn’t find the very thing I wanted.

Where is she? I turned my head to the side, only to have my body lax for a moment, a sarcastic laugh leaving my lips.

This sneaky bitch.

Mai smirked, realizing that I spotted her, running along the roof before sliding her way down to the garden below. The red shingles on the rooftop shook and dislodged with every step she took, despite her light actions, landing onto the soft grass with ease.

I looked at the distance between me and the roof. I don’t have the momentum; I won’t make the jump. But…I do have this-

Taking a deep breath, I raised my hands, feeling the movement of the water from the waterfall.

The servants quickly adverted their attention from the glass to the low rumbling coming from the waterfall, realizing that the waterfall was no long sprouting water – but coming at full speed towards me. They moved to the side in fear, and I found myself stepping off the window sill, flinging myself over the edge.

The feeling of weightlessness hit me, still very much swinging my arms above my head in a frantic effort for the water to come to me. Black spots started filling my vision at a higher intensity than ever before, a cold numbness overcoming my senses as my body begged for rest – even for a second.

I’m using too much chi, but I don’t have much choice at the moment.

My gestures became more agitated, and right before I hit the ground, my body was immersed by water. Shielding me from the fall, I tightened my hands into fists, the water around me conforming around my body as a thin sheet of ice, rolling along the grass.

Mai’s eyes widened in astonishment, seeing me jump back to my feet, before making a mad break through the unmarked zone of the gardens. That zone was supposed to be blocked entirely - Zuko saying it was still under renovation at the moment, a summer project of his.

I swallowed deeply, taking note of how substantial my breathing has gotten. No matter how profound I inhaled, I could feel my lungs screaming for air. I need a breather; I can’t go on for much longer. Hot sweat layered over my skin, body clammy from over-exhaustion, the beating sun not making matters any better. But I need to catch her – I can’t stop now.

With a deep gulp, I willed myself to push forward through the greenery in search of Mai.

The sound of grass crunching under our feet, our hands hysterically pushing the overgrown tree branches and bushes to the side as we struggled to see in front of us. The area was dark, the sunlight barely making it past the greenery, the air crisp.

“Stop running, Mai!” I shouted in a pathetic attempt to stop this mad chase. Just maybe, maybe, she would listen. Spots started to fill my vision once again, the gaps between what was in front of me and the dark spots making it difficult to focus. I bit my lip as a means to center myself.

I’m running out of time-

My arm raised in front of me, the sound of metal lodging itself into my ice, stopping dead in my tracks. Ice shreds flattered off my arm at the impact, and I let out a sigh of relief, realizing I got her weapon in time. Her daggers can’t pierce my ice-

I gasped out in pain, her long fingers yanking my hair from the side and jerking me towards her. It all happened so fast, not even realizing that she was already beside me in seconds, my hair in her grip.

She pivoted on her heel, using all her force to raise her knee straight into my stomach. My eyes widened, ice melting temporarily at the sheer disbelief of the attack. The pain was unbelievable, a dry heave escaping me as I cried.

The way Mai moved – it reminds me of Azula so much. And if that’s the case-

I shrieked in agony as the grip on my locks didn’t loosen, feeling each strand pulling from my scalp, using it as a leash to pull me back towards her for another attack. My feet stumbled forward as I doubled over in pain, watching as she rose her free hand into the air with a dagger in hand.

“This is your fault.” Mai hissed, and at that moment, I dug my shoulder into her stomach.

I grabbed her hips with a low grunt, lifting her off her feet and throwing onto the ground. The hold on my hair loosened, the dagger Mai held in her hand, falling onto the grass beside us.

Her head hit the dirt, with a loud thud, and I swirled my hands around me, sitting on her waist as I pinned her wrists. The water slithered onto her skin, freezing over her hands and solidifying itself with the dirt. Her eyes widen, trying to kick upwards, but the water caught her feet, forcing her back to the ground.

“I caught you.” I panted in pain, sweat dripping off my forehead as a cold shiver ran up my body.

My body was shaking, losing focus rapidly as I forced myself to continue bending. The need to have Mai pinned underneath me, unable to move an inch, was the only motivation keeping me alive.

Mai’s face twisted in anger, struggling against her bonds, “You’re a fucking fool.”

“Says the one who almost killed her ex-boyfriend after proclaiming that you love him.” I breathlessly criticized, causing her to roll those dark eyes.

“You don’t get it, do you? The only reason Zuko almost died was because of you.” I narrowed my eyes at her words. Let it go, Yue, don’t entertain her.

But-

“What does that mean, Mai.”

“It means if you want Zuko to be happy, to be safe, you’ll pack up your things and leave.”

“You just want me out of the picture.”

“Think whatever you want to. All this started the moment you arrived here. Zuko’s life wasn’t in danger until you showed up.”

I froze at her words, and Mai laughed bitterly, seeing the expression on my face. Because despite all the bullshit she put me through, she was right. Zuko was safe before I entered the picture – everything seemingly ties back to me somehow.

Could she-could Mai be telling me the truth?

“Think about it. All this drama happened because of you. Everything ties back to you being a Bloodbender.” She spat.

My eyes widened, fingers digging into her skin under the cast of ice wrapped around her joints. But she didn’t seem the slightest bit fazed by the pain.

“You know nothing, Mai.” I heaved, struggling to keep myself up at this point. My body was screaming in pain, my eyes shutting close as I tried to keep awake. “But I do. That poison, the only way to save him would be through Bloodbending. Aren’t you the tiniest bit curious who Yakone is? Why he’s so interested in you – why he reminds you of your precious Mom?”

“Shut up.” I cracked, fighting back the tears of frustration. Don’t let her get to you, Yue. She’s trying to mess you up, keep it together. A few more seconds before the gang finds you-

“Admit it. It all comes down to you. If anyone gets hurt, it’s all your fault.”

“N-no, I would never hurt the people I love-” I gulped.

“But you already did. You almost killed Zuko- he would never love you.”

“Zuko loves me-”

“Loved you. Zuko would never love a monster like yourself. Not after everything you’ve done.”

The sound of crackling made my eyes open wide and head twist to the side.

A blue flash caught my attention, energy sizzling and buzzing loudly through the empty garden space. I saw the movement of fingers through the low-rise tree branches, amber eyes staring back at me. Shit-

I melted the ice instantly, much to my relief, jumping off Mai as I dodged for cover. The wicked sound of electricity cutting through the air, hitting the trees behind me, setting them ablaze. The heat that emitted from the foliage was intense, my skin feeling sunburned even through my dress.

“A-Azula.” I gasped in pain, unable to get off the ground.

Mai effortlessly rolled her body, skipping back onto her feet as she breezed towards Azula. “I’m wet.” She grumbled under her breath, waving her long sleeves to emphasize her point. Azula snorted, at her friends' gesture, flicking her long black hair behind her shoulder.

“You’re lucky I came to save you. It seemed that this wrench overpowered you.”

“She got lucky,” Mai groused back, kicking her feet into the dirt in front of her. Her dagger flew into the air, her hand reaching forward and snapping it up effortlessly. “Well, might as well leave then. No point causing any more of a scene than we already have.”

Mai nodded at Azula’s words.

I tried to stand up, forcing my feet to move, but my body refused to listen. I can’t let them leave; I need to stop them.

“Wait-” I whimpered under my breath, trying to reach out. My hands dug into the dirt, driving myself to stand on my feet once again, but my knees buckled, crashing back onto the ground. Azula didn’t bat an eye to my cry, ignoring my weak protest as she twisted on her heel and blended in with her surroundings.

But I saw the way Mai stilled for a second.

She gazed over her shoulder with a look that had me holding my breath. For the first time since I met her, she let down her tough exterior, her eyes no longer containing that spark of feistiness. All that was left was a look of sadness, hurt…and pain.

So much pain.

I tilted my head to the side, unable to utter a word seeing the expression on her face – and as if Mai realized that she revealing too much of herself to me, a scowl painted her pretty face.

“Remember, Yue,” Mai whispered breathlessly. “If you really love Zuko – want the best for him. You know what to do.”

She whipped her gaze away from mine, sprinting off into the greenery around us – and there I sat – forced to bask in Mai’s words in a pile of mud.

Sitting alone, with nothing but the sounds of trees rustling, birds chirping, flames crackling I found my eyes fluttering shut. An endless pit of loneliness emerging from deep within.

My fingers dug into the filth as I cried because I knew what I have to do.

“Does my baby want some attention?”

“Maybe…” I giggled, smiling naughtily as I let my hands play with the ends of Zuko’s hair. My legs were wrapped perfectly around Zuko’s waist, currently straddling him as he rested on the couch in our bedroom – in his reading corner.

I could hear the book he was reading shut with a soft thud from behind me, tossing the novel onto the coffee table with all the other stories I stocked. Stories I knew Zuko would love to read during his spare time.

Feeling his warm hands caress my hips, running up my back before finally falling on my jaw had my skin tingling. Butterflies in my stomach as I enjoyed his tender touches. The whole time Zuko bore a soft smile, his eyes in a dreamy daze as he studied my figure up and down.

“You’re beautiful, you know that…” he mumbled under his breath, and I blushed at his words.

He continued letting his fingers roam, thumb brushing my lips, rubbing my cheeks, and I couldn’t help but purr like a kitten. How I loved this. Zuko always took his time, never rushing, each touch, each caress, done with a particular intent.

I didn’t even notice my eyes had fluttered shut until I heard Zuko’s deep chuckle once again, cheeks turning a dark hue of red. “S-sorry.” I blurted, realizing I was practically leaned into Zuko, our noses touching. But Zuko merely grinned, shaking his head, “You're needy.”

“Just one kiss?” I pouted, and I saw the way Zuko rolled his eyes – trying his hardest to seem indifferent to the idea. But I still saw the way he licked his lips in delight, his eyes settling over my own.

“What if I want two kisses, love?” Zuko teased, and I smiled, “Then I’ll give you three.”

“And if I want four?”

“Then you’ll get five.”

“How about…a hundred kisses?”

“Then you’ll get a hundred and one kisses.” I smugly retorted, and Zuko laughed.

His chest rumbled underneath me, eyes squinting in delight at my silliness. His laugh was contagious, unable to stop my giggles from tumbling, our cheerfulness mixing.

I’m so happy-

“Yue, let me put a bandage on your cheek. It should heal within a day or two.” Katara hummed softly, leaning over my figure with outstretched fingers – pulling me out of my fantasy.

Her touch was gentle, the stickiness of the bandage causing a slight itch on my skin where it stuck, reminding me of the dressing I had to wear on my jaw for a bit. “Thank you…” I muttered out tiredly, running a hand through my chaotic hair.

I could hear the ruckus happening outside in the gardens through the opened window, already imagining everyone turning over every single pebble in that garden for any traces or clues. ‘Mai had all her shit packed, she was going to leave tonight,’ Sokka said before leaving Zuko’s study to help the others.

A tired groan left my lips, rolling my head side to side to ease the tension in my shoulders. My eyes struggled to stay open, wanting nothing more but to slide into my warm bed, Zuko hugging me from behind-

“Hey, did you ever find out what the Earth King wrote that was so important for Zuko to read?” Katara asked, catching my attention.

My tired eyes opened a bit more, trying to appear alert as I saw the olive-green document in Katara’s hands. I shook my head, leaning over to take the neatly pre-opened envelope from her touch. Zuko never finished reading this letter; he decided to take me out for dinner instead.

“I figured you would’ve read it; it seemed urgent,” Katara added.

“You’re right; I should probably give it a read…” I whispered, letting the paper fall on my lap as I propped against the desk. A silence fell over us, both us trying to wrap our heads around what was happening.

Mai set up the whole thing, and I saw the way the news hurt the team.

They all looked wounded, their greatest fears coming alive. They knew Mai was the snitch, but seeing her running away, actually admitting guilt, was rubbing salt in the wound at this point. Why would you do this, Mai?

Everyone says this is unlike you, yet here you are, doing exactly what you wouldn’t ever do.

“Um, do you want to visit Zuko?” Katara said again, almost rushed, trying to fill the void with some sound. My body stiffened at the mention of Zuko, looking up at Katara like a lost child.

“I-I-”

“You haven’t seen him all day. I know it must be hard for you.”

“I-It’s fine; I’ll-I’ll visit him tomorrow.” I blurted, shaking my head as I pushed myself off the table. I let my fingers play with the edges of the envelope in my hands, trying to look busy and distract myself from Mai’s haunting words.

Zuko doesn’t love me anymore…

She’s just trying to mess with you, Yue.

But Mai has known Zuko her whole life. She probably knows Zuko better than I will ever. I’m an idiot for thinking that I was actually important-

“You can visit Zuko now, Yue. I know you want to-”

“I’m fine, Katara. I-” I stilled, no longer playing with the green folder in my hands to distract myself from my dark thoughts. Feeling the paper slide between my hands, grazing the Earth Nation wax seal jogged a whole new can of worms into my mind.

My eyes widened, feeling my skin crawl- “Shit, I forgot! I have a meeting!” I gasped.

My gut dropped, letting out a worn-out whine as I ran a hand through my hair.

I looked out the window, noticing that the sun was starting to hide behind the tree-line, the moon ready to make an appearance in due time. But that means it must have started already, and now I’m going to be late, again.

And that grumpy man is going to use that against me and say how useless I am and-

“Yue. You can’t be serious?” Katara exclaimed, watching me bolt upwards and towards the study. I gave a mental thanks to the guard from early in the day, realizing he cleaned the desk despite me leaving the way I did. I need to thank him-

“Ying Yue,” Katara growled, her hand yanking my shoulder back.

I jumped at the aggressive shove, forcing me to face Katara. Her face was warped with fury, watching me as if I had eight heads. “What about Zuko?” Katara breathed, emphasizing each word.

“What about him, Katara?” I snapped, swinging the documents in my hands into the air. “He’s out cold, because of me. Everything that happened today is because of me. Everything. The reason why Zuko almost died, the reason all this drama is happening, the reason why Zuko is drowning with all this council bullshit every day - it all leads back to me!” I cried in frustration.

Katara’s face softened immediately, trying to reach forward to cradle me, but I stepped back. “You’re punishing yourself-” Katara realized, and I swallowed back a sob. “No, I’m doing Zuko a favour. He doesn’t want to see me, Katara. How could he after everything I’ve done?” I cried, pushing the folder tightly to my chest.

Katara shook her head, her own eyes tearing, “Yue, Zuko loves you-”

“Zuko loved me. Just-just drop it; I need to go.”

“Yue, forget about the meeting-”

“I can’t, Katara! It’s the only thing going somewhat right – the only thing I can give to Zuko when he wakes up. The least I could do for him.”

“Yue-” I walked forward, the office door opening wide as I dashed out of the room.

I ignored the cries of Katara behind me, blood rushing in my ears as I stormed down the hallway. The documents in my hands were crumbling under my death grip, furiously wiping the tears on my cheeks.

This is the only thing I could do for Zuko – the only thing I managed to get right.

The guards up ahead, safeguarding the throne room, saw my approaching figure, looks of disbelief etched into their faces. “Imperial Consort – the meeting was set almost an hour ago-”

“Are they still in there, waiting?” I asked, and I saw the way the guard took in my appearance, mud stuck in my hair.

“Y-yes-” they stuttered, and I nodded, “Good.”

Not bothering to wait for the guards to open the door for me, I stormed inside.

The doors swung open, slamming against the walls and catching the attention of the council in seconds. They all stood tall, eyes wide as they took in my appearance. “Oh my- Imperial Consort, are you alright?” A councilmember gulped in shock, and I ignored their inquiry, my eyes meeting that asshole.

His face was stern, kissing his teeth as he studied my figure up and down in disgust. “You’re almost an hour late – and you come in looking like that.” He laughed bitterly; his two stupid minions amused by his joke. The councilmembers all shut their mouths, noticing the annoyance in my posture.

“How about you take a seat, Imperial Consort?” A member politely suggested, and I shook my head, forcing myself to smile at them.

“I’m perfectly fine because I plan on making this meeting short. Increase of funding – denied.”

The man's eyes widen at my statement, crashing his hands on the table. For a moment, I thought he was going to jump over the counter, lunging at my throat. “Bullshit. Why is it denied, you know Fire Lord Zuko approved of the documents previous years, you saw his signature-”

“No. What I saw was three councilmembers manipulating and falsifying classified documents to trick myself, and the council, to believing that Fire Lord Zuko approved of such funding.”

The colour drained from their faces, but more importantly, the grumpy man who started all of this.

His mouth opened and closed, unable to utter a word in response, and the rest of the members looked at them in horror. I raised the papers in the air, tossing them onto the table, seeing the documents glide into messy piles.

“What’s wrong, you thought that because I’m Imperial Consort that I just have to sleep with Fire Lord Zuko, like some glorified concubine? That I don’t have a backbone? A mind of my own?” I spat, and I saw the bead of sweat build on his brow.

“Only a concubine would speak with such vulgar language.” He scowled.

“Maybe so, but it seems to be the only way for your small brain to understand. Which leads me to my next point - you, and your accomplices, will be charged with treason.”

“Y-you have no evidence-” I rolled my eyes, hands falling over my hips, “You sure about that? Because I currently have eight others who can vouch for me. So, let the real joy of this situation come to light.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw smug smiles on everyone's faces, hearing me put these fools in their place. But more importantly, I noticed that warm smile on Ming’s face, a smile filled with pride.

My back straightened, holding the Earth Nation document to my chest, “You were so eager to get rid of me. But you will not lose your roles as councilmembers until Fire Lord Zuko comes in power once again. So rather than waking up tomorrow, eager for Fire Lord Zuko to awake – you’re going to wish he doesn’t. Because as long as I’m in this position, you still have your job – you’re going to want me to be in charge from this point on.”

All the didn’t bother trying to hide their growing grins, watching as three of the most hated members get scolded like school children – stripped of all power and authority.

I raised my head high, clearing my throat, “Now that’s settled, meetings dismissed.”

Turning on my heel, trying to look as confident as I possibly could with twigs in my hair, dress ripped in half and covered in mud and ink, I walked out of that room with my chin up. I could hear chairs being pushed back at my words, my lips tugging upwards.

A few claps could be heard from behind me as I made my way out, and a tired laugh left me. The guards before me amusingly opened the door, sporting prideful grins as the light from the grand hallway flooded my vision.

And the moment I stepped outside, ready to celebrate my victory – tears streamed down my face.

I kept on marching forward, my sobs growing in intensity, eyes blood-shot as my shoulders shook every time I tried to hold back another cry. I couldn’t stop it, the way my legs wobbled, a hand covering my mouth to muffle the small whimpers that left my lips as I ran towards my bedroom.

I hope I made Zuko proud for once.

I hope that when Zuko wakes up, he smiles at me. I want him to hug me, pepper kisses all over my face, saying how well I did.

But no matter what.

Above all things - “I just want to keep you safe, make you happy.” I cried into my hands, “even if its not with me.”

Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters portrayed in this story besides Ying Yue Jiang, Lia, Kima, and any future creations.

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#Zuko #atla #Avatar The Last Airbender #atla Zuko #prince zuko #zuko x oc #limerence #series #masterlist #fire lord zuko #love story #Thanks for reading!

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sweetdreamstrilogy · 5 years

Text

Chapter 2

The Longest Summer

…was only made longer, wondering what was on the other side of it.

Getting expelled was kind of like dying, only without the funeral and everybody missing you and wishing you’d come back. No one even seemed to notice I was gone. I didn’t hear from Angela or anyone we hung out with and if they wondered where I disappeared to, I never heard about it. I always wanted to blend in, stick to the shadows, but it took getting kicked out to realize just how well I’d done on that front. At least I was good at something.

That first night was the worst, locked in my room that felt smaller than a coffin, listening to my mom and Cliff go round and round. Little fuck up, I told you he wouldn’t make it to the end of the year. Teeth grinding. He’s getting another chance, I know he can do it. Guts twisting. Don’t be an idiot Marla, he’s just gonna fuck up again. That’s what fuck ups do. Round and round and round until I threw on headphones and blasted music loud enough to drown out their voices, and a hundred other voices crowding in my head, asking questions I couldn’t answer. Like, what now? Or, how the fuck am I gonna survive this summer? Without anywhere to go, or anyone to turn to?

At least I didn’t miss Angela. Whatever I felt towards her had popped like a bubble and was gone forever. I only felt stupid for ever thinking I loved her. The place where all the rough sketches of a future with her used to live, all the worry and wondering how to help her, how to save her - it was just an empty grave now, filling in fast with new worries, new fears, new questions.

Like, why the fuck was this happening? It wasn’t getting kicked out that bothered me, that barely even scratched the surface of my attention. But what was waiting at the end of summer…that loomed up like a tidal wave. How could I leave, knowing what Cliff was capable of? How could I stay, knowing my own mom, the only person left on earth I gave a damn about, didn’t even want me around? She’d planned all this, knowing I’d get kicked out eventually, choosing somewhere so far away it might as well be on another planet. I wanted to be surprised, furious, but I just felt gutted, carved out, knowing like I’d known all along - there was nothing she wouldn’t sacrifice for him, not even me.

I didn’t sleep at all that first night, looking for another answer, trying to convince myself that she did this for my own good, to help me achieve my potential or whatever bullshit she fed me earlier. True or not, I couldn’t stay where I wasn’t wanted and that left me with exactly zero options. I could go, or I could go, or I could go. Which meant Cliff was finally getting everything he wanted, free reign over his trashy little kingdom. Now he could say whatever he wanted to her, do whatever he wanted to her and I was just supposed to step aside and let that happen? I ground my teeth around that thought, looking for another way, but there was none.

You can’t save nobody, he had said and maybe that was the one thing we could agree on. There was nothing I could do. I tried, ten years I tried, my first words were probably “let me help you” and my first memories were checking to see if she was still alive in the middle of the night. What good had it ever done? After she kicked the drugs, once, then again, then one more time for good luck, she just replaced them with alcohol, the easy poison, the clever demon lurking in every shadow, always on her heels, already overdue to take another bite out of her. After my dad bought his one-way ticket out of this world, she just found somebody else, and then somebody else, then somebody else until Cliff finally stuck, unmovable, incurable, like a cancer that kills slowly, slowly. But I was always there, I was the one who got her to rehab, I was the one who stopped her from ODing, I was the one who called the cops on her fucking boyfriends. What was she gonna do without me? What was I gonna do without her to look out for?

It hit me with a cold chill - that’s why she wanted me gone. My whole life had been all about her, her problems, her boyfriends, her addictions. A million miles away there’d be nothing for me to do, nothing to think about except…me.

Maybe she thought that would get me back on track, help regrow all the brain cells I’d killed with cigarettes and booze. But she didn’t know what I knew - the damage was already done, stupid Derrick wasn’t gonna suddenly disappear, he was just gonna be on the other side of the world and even more alone than ever.

It must’ve looked like a sweet deal to her though - give Cliff everything he wanted and give me “a chance” in one fell swoop. But did she realize how long a year was? Did she realize the thread connecting us was thin enough that just crossing the street could snap it? Did she even care? Of course not. She had Cliff and I had nobody. Maybe I never did.

Around and around it went, all night, until the sky lightened and the neighbors started screaming at each other, the rooster of the trailer park. I watched the sunrise from the roof, just like the morning before, blowing smoke at the sun and thinking how everything looked the same but everything was changed, shaking my head at the old me who knew nothing at all. I felt strangely calm, light even, kinda like that feeling when you get a buzz just right and for a minute you forget how wrong everything is, how everyone you love is gonna die someday, maybe someday soon. I think it was because I finally let go. I finally decided and when you decide there’s nothing left to do but do it.

TRIGGER WARNING - contemplating suicide in detail

I was so relieved thinking how this was my last stupid day on earth that I didn’t even think about leaving a note until I was already halfway to the tracks. I stopped, thinking about going back. What would I even say? Sorry mom, had to go. No, there was nothing to say, or maybe too much. Either way, it was already too late - they’d be awake by now and I kind of had my heart set on never seeing Cliff’s chew smeared grin again.

There was no train when I got there and I wasn’t sure how long it would be until it came. If it ran on a schedule, I never noticed but it always showed up eventually. I figured waiting a little longer wasn’t so bad, considering the alternative. Course, the problem with that was it gave me a chance to think.

I sat on the tracks, looking down the line that disappeared around a bend and into the trees. I pulled out a cigarette and smoked, strangely aware of the golden sun, the birds talking to each other in the trees around me, the way the smoke felt so smooth reaching deep in my lungs. It made me think maybe life wasn’t so bad after all, but I clamped down hard on that thought, telling myself it was just survival instinct kicking in, a million years of evolution whispering in my head that no matter how horrible, living is always better than dying, something is always better than nothing.

“Not always.” I said aloud, trying to ignore the perfect day waking up all around me. I crushed my first cigarette and lit another. Might as well finish the pack - survival instinct wasn’t gonna get me this time. All it ever had was questions - why not one more day? what if she still needs you? what if something good is just around the corner? But it never was. There were just a thousand black nights waiting to eat me whole, even though here in the daylight that seemed impossible. That’s why it took all my strength to stay still when the tracks started to hum underneath me.

I tried to stay calm and smoke my cigarette slow, but my heart was beating down the door inside my chest. I reminded myself all the reasons I had to go - there was nothing left for me, nobody in the whole damn world, not even me. I was just a stupid fuck-up, the best I could hope for was a shitty minimum wage job, a shitty apartment, a shitty life-

The train was coming around the bend. My cigarette was down to the filter, burning my fingers but I hardly felt it. It took all I had to stay still. Just a little longer and it’d all be over - empty, black, nothingness…probably. Whatever it was it had to be better than this, right? Survival instinct was in my ear again, why risk it, when death is so final and life is so full of possibility? Probably some bullshit I heard in one of my mom’s AA meetings.

The train’s horn blasted, sending the singing birds into the air like a gust of wind. I watched them go, the moment seem to hang, suspended and spinning in mid-air. Then the horn blasted again and the moment was gone. Could they see me? Would they try to stop? It was too late though, no brakes in the world were that good. All I had to do was keep my nerve and it would all be over soon. I stared down the eye of the train - stay still, stay still.

(possibility)

Stay still, dammit!

From somewhere far away I could feel my muscles shaking with the effort, my fingers burning from gripping the shaking tracks. Just a few more seconds…I’d never let it come this close. My head was going crazy, trying to take control of my body, trying to reason with me. Possibility, possibility, possibility and then-

TRIGGER WARNING END

Destiny.

It was that word that sent me sprawling back into the grass at the last second, so close that for a minute I thought I was dead and when I realized I wasn’t I started to cry. The train was screaming by me, so loud I couldn’t even hear myself but it wrecked my whole body, a tsunami crashing over the unsuspecting shoreline.

By the time the train was gone I was empty and silent, staring up at the clear blue sky, trees waving in my peripheral vision. The birds were talking again. I could hear my heart beating, feel the sweat cooling, my fingers aching. My mind was empty, for once, except for that strange word that didn’t mean anything to me, not yet. Destiny.

What the fuck does that mean? That was my first coherent thought as I sat up on my elbows, arms still shaking like jello. Destiny was for heroes in fantasy books and I was about as far from a hero as you could get.

God dammit, I was so close, I had my mind made up, one more second and I would’ve been…somewhere else. Something deep inside was glad I wasn’t. The rest of me was miserable, almost panicked, knowing I’d have to try again, knowing I didn’t have the nerve to, knowing but not believing that there was no choice - I was gonna have to get up and trudge through this day and the next and the next. All for some meaningless word that was gonna fade from my mind like a dream.

I smoked another cigarette with shaking fingers and told myself I’d wait for the next train, but I just sat there all morning and most of the afternoon, smoking the rest of my pack, ignoring my growling stomach, listening to the birds and the bugs, watching the sun arc over the sky. When the next train came I just watched it go. All my nerve was used up in that one attempt and God only knew how bad things were gonna have to get before I had the guts to try again. In the meantime there was nothing to do but go home with my head hanging, like some prisoner finally accepting his sentence. I just hoped they wouldn’t notice I was gone so long or ask me why, but of course they didn’t.

When I finally got back, exhausted, stinking like sweat and starving, the trailer was empty. I wasn’t disappointed but I wasn’t glad. I just knew I didn’t want to be there when they came back, so I ate a sandwich so quick it made me feel sick and had the quickest shower of my life. I was out the door again before fifteen minutes had passed, with a fresh pack of cigarettes and a fifth of jack I stole from Cliff’s stash. It was gonna be a warm, clear night and I was gonna spend it alone, under the stars.

I just didn’t expect to spend the whole summer that way.

When I wasn’t working double shifts to save for whatever strange future lay ahead of me, I was out wandering, walking along the tracks, smoking and trying not to think about anything, waiting for the sun to burn down the horizon. The clear nights I spent in the fields, staring into the darkness, the night alive with crickets chirping all around me. More often than not I fell asleep there. Thanks to that, I was hardly ever home, except to change and shower and scarf down whatever food I could find. My mom barely seemed to notice. She never asked me where I went or seemed to care but then again I made it my life’s mission to never be alone in a room with her. We only saw each other in passing and even then there was a distant look in her eyes, like she was already forgetting me.

The summer dragged on. By the time the forms came, with all their blank lines and checkboxes, I was almost looking forward to leaving, just to put the nightmare to an end. It was like being stuck in a dream, a delirium…and like always, I was in it alone.

Then suddenly, one day, it was over. My flight was booked, my suitcase was packed and my mom was looking at me sadly, saying, “please, just let us drive you. Cliff really wanted to take us all out for a nice dinner, a kind of going-away present-"

"Mom…” I hadn’t expected her to try so hard, since she’d pretty much ignored me all summer. I’d planned on walking and then getting the bus to take me the rest of the way. But my suitcase was heavy and my resolve was shit and I didn’t want to be the reason she was holding back tears. “I, uh, alright, okay. But I gotta be there by seven.”

“Got it.” She said, flashing a smile I hadn’t seen in months and it almost made me smile too.

Then Cliff came around the corner and ruined it all with a snarky grin, saying with a mouthful of chew, “ready to hit the road?"

That’s how I ended up crammed in the backseat of Cliff’s truck, sandwiched between his tools and my suitcase, flying down the highway toward O'hare. I tried to stare out the window, focus on the city coming into view, but all I could see was them holding hands in my periphery. Should’ve walked, I kept thinking, should’ve just hoofed it.

After an endless thirty minutes of Cliff’s country music, he finally pulled off an exit early and parked in front of a little Italian restaurant that was squeezed between a parking garage and the overpass. They got out of the car first and didn’t even look back to see if I was stumbling in after them. I should’ve known then, sensed something was off, but I was thinking about what it was gonna be like to see all this from a thousand feet in the air. Would it feel small? Or would I?

Dinner was excruciating. However long the summer was, this felt ten times longer. I might’ve been a ghost if my mom didn’t keep throwing out a random question here and there, what classes do they have you taking? Do you get a room all to yourself? Cliff seemed to resent every moment the attention wasn’t on him. I wondered why he bothered to bring me at all and by the time I figured it out, it was too late to do anything about it.

"Marla, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you...” One minute we were eating dessert and the next he was on one knee.

The whole restaurant went dead quiet, and I just sat there, dumb and silent, trying to figure out what the hell was happening. The only sound was my mom’s gasp and then I missed the rest because my dinner was burning its way back up my throat and I was pushing through the crowded dining room, out a side door, into a dimly lit alleyway that reeked of trash, where the sound of clapping and whooping followed me until the door crashed shut and I was alone.

For a minute there I just felt everything at once, the urge to scream or cry or punch something, it all came in waves so fast I couldn’t react, so I just stood there with clenched fists, breathing in the rancid air, until the weight of it pushed me to my knees against a greasy wall, thinking, that’s why he brought me, didn’t want me to miss the show, the last twist of the- the thought was cut off by the back door swinging open.

“Derrick?” My mom’s voice. She peered around the door and saw me. In her eyes I saw it all, the elation, the frustration, why can’t you just be happy for me? My eyes dropped like a dead weight to the ring on her finger, a cheap thing he probably got out of a crackerjack box. The sight of it somehow brought me back to myself.

“This is crazy.” I said, rising to my feet. “He’s an alcoholic. He hits you, he talks to you like you’re a fucking dog, he gave me this scar-” I started to lift my hair to show her but I could see she didn’t care, she already knew all that. My voice came out thin. “You can’t marry him."

"I know you don’t believe it, but things are different now-"

Here we were, running our lines again, once more with feeling.

"No, they’re not and they’re never gonna be. You’re supposed to put down dogs that bite, not marry them-"

"Derrick…” She was giving up on me, shaking her head. “You’ll understand when you love somebody."

"That isn’t love!” My voice echoed in the alleyway. I felt suddenly raw, bottomed out. “Mom, please…don’t do this."

She just looked at me with weary apology. She couldn’t help it and I couldn’t save her. "Please, just come back inside.” And when I didn’t respond, she went back the way she came.

For a moment I couldn’t move, just stood there in the rank alleyway, listening to the traffic from the street and the sounds drifting out of the kitchen. I thought of going back inside, making amends, tucking my head just to get through the evening. Then I thought of Cliff’s smug, smiling face. My guts twisted and I knew what I had do.

His truck was unlocked, thankfully and I wrestled my suitcase from the backseat and onto the ground. The money I’d earned over the summer paid for a taxi to the airport. As I watched the buildings whir passed my vision, I tried not to think about anything, not Cliff and his stupid plan to gut me one last time, not my mom and how she might not even notice I was gone, not the flight and all the hours I had ahead of me to think of all the things I didn’t want to think about.

The taxi stopped in front of departures and I stepped out onto the curb, into my new life. For a minute I just stood there on the sidewalk, surrounded by cars leaving and arriving, people coming and going, doors opening and closing. I didn’t know where to go, what to do. I’d never been on a plane before. I’d never even left Chicago.

I did the only thing I could do - started forward blindly, my suitcase groaning with a loose wheel behind me. Then the confusion of the airport swept me up for awhile - the lines and rules, elevators and escalators, everyone rushing around me or else bored, waiting for nothing. I didn’t even realize it was over until I was in my seat, face tight from nicotine deprivation, staring down at the tarmac, mind finally quiet enough to wonder if my mom was on her way home already. If she called I’d never know, I’d turned my phone off - indefinitely. There was no one to talk to anyway. I was alone, for real, for good. The feeling was strange but not that unfamiliar and it subsided when a stranger took a seat next to me.

I squeezed up next to the window and put my headphones in. I only had the one CD, an old mixtape I made for Angela that she never listened to, but it was gonna have to last me all night. It was strange to think that in the morning - or would it be evening when I got there? The time difference didn’t make sense to me at all - everything would be different, as if it weren’t already. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it - even though I knew what the Academy looked like and had a rough idea of what I’d be doing there, thanks to all the brochures and pamphlets, the future was just a blank white slate. Anything could happen, I just couldn’t imagine what. Every time I tried to imagine myself there, pressed suit, slicked back hair, it just looked like somebody photoshopped me into the picture. I just didn’t belong, I probably never would-

These thoughts were interrupted by a flight attendant’s speech and then the part I’d been waiting for - take off. Since I’d never been on a plane before, I wasn’t sure what to expect but it was strangely exhilarating, the weightless feeling as the wheels rose up above the ground, seemingly against all odds. The ground got smaller and smaller and smaller until I could see everything; Chicago lit up in a grid of gold, Lake Michigan a black silhouette hugging its edges. I wondered if one of those little brake lights was Cliff, stuck in traffic. I hoped it was. I hoped they were already forgetting me, cause God knew I was gonna try to forget them.

The rest of the flight went quickly. I stared out the window, watching the lights get further and farther between, until we were too high to see anything but clouds. I thought it’d be hard to fall asleep but somehow I must’ve, because half a dozen hours passed without me knowing and when I opened my eyes again, the sun was rising over the ocean. I kept thinking I should feel worse, scared or worried or something, but I just felt calm. Maybe it was because, for the moment anyway, I was in-between worlds. What was behind me was behind me and what was ahead of me was unknown. And that small voice that saved me from the train-tracks was still whispering about destiny, somewhere in the back of my mind.

I don’t know what time it was when we landed, but all of a sudden we were below the clouds and sweeping over a city. It didn’t look all that different from Chicago, really, smaller maybe with a lot less skyscrapers and no Great Lake but it was still just a regular city. That comforted me somehow, knowing I wasn’t going somewhere all that foreign. Then we hit the runway and it started to sink in - I was here, it was happening, something, I didn’t know what. Suddenly the flight attendant was talking again and everyone was getting up around me, struggling with their bags, waddling down the aisle. I was one of the last to go, some invisible weight holding me to my seat. Maybe I could just wait for the next flight, spend the rest of my life above the clouds, yeah, that seemed like a good idea-

“Sir?” The flight attendant was looking at me curiously.

“Yeah, sorry."

The airport wasn’t all that different either, just smaller. First thing first, I smoked two cigarettes in a row just to feel somewhat normal again. Then I realized how hungry I was and grabbed a sandwich from one of the airport shops, counting out my money and wondering just how long it was gonna last me. It wasn’t until I got to the counter that I realized it wasn’t the kind of money they wanted and then I had to go and find someone to exchange it. By the time that was over I was starved and pretty sure I was supposed to be on a train to somewhere else, but I couldn’t think straight, seeing as a whole new life had started without me. I went back for the sandwich and resolved to figure it all out after. That’s how I ended up missing the first train.

The second I missed because I couldn’t decide if this was really happening or not. It just seemed easier to wait around in the airport, holding onto that last bit of freedom, that last chance to change my fate forever and do something - anything - else. I took a chance and ordered a beer at a little pub tucked between a McDonalds and KFC, and by some miracle they gave it to me. By the time I had a good buzz going, the third train had come and gone and I was too happy to care. I was free - for the first time in my life - I was free. I could go anywhere, do anything. I had enough money saved up to take the train just about anywhere and when I got there - wherever it was I going - I could just find some job bussing tables again, make enough to rent a room. Even a bed in a hostel would be enough for me. I could work my way across the world, visit places I’d never heard of, see things no poor kid from Chicago has any right to see. Yeah, this was my chance, I was gonna go my own way, make my own path, let fate lead me-

"Derrick? Derrick Woods?"

I was drowning my fourth beer when I heard my name out of nowhere. My stomach plummeted. Was it all a dream? Was I about to wake up? Still on the plane, or worse, still in Chicago? I jerked my head around to see where the sound was coming from and saw a compact, official-looking boy wearing a suit and glasses, yelling my name at passersby like some bizarre foreign greeting. Almost out of surprise, I answered,

"Yeah?"

He turned to me with the look of someone lost in the desert who just found water. But when he saw me his expression went sour and got worse with every step he marched in my direction, repeating,

"Derrick? Derrick Woods?”

“Yeah…” I said, and drained the last of my beer. Something told me this kid was about to ruin my day.

“You know you were expected at the Academy three hours ago?”

I shrugged vaguely. “Missed the train."

"You know there are other trains…coaches…” He was looking at me like he was trying to figure out if I was mentally challenged or not. He sighed, bristling and giving up. “It’s of no matter now, come with me.” He started away and then turned back when I didn’t follow. “Quickly, or you’ll miss another train!"

I hesitated, not sure how to explain that my plans had changed and I was just gonna wander the world now. He came up and tugged on my leather jacket, that’s about when he realized I’d been drinking.

"Oh dear, no, you cannot be old enough to drink-"

The bartender cleaning glasses looked up suspiciously so I had not choice but to slap a shiny, new foreign bill on the bar and follow the stranger tugging on me. When we were out of earshot, I slowed, bringing him to a stop beside me.

"I-I’m not going.” That was all I could get out with the cloud over my brain.

“What? Why not?"

"I changed my mind, I’m gonna-” I waved my hand vaguely toward the airport exit. “Travel the world."

"Are you mad?” And then to himself. “Did they send me a lune?” He tugged on my jacket again. “Enough nonsense, we have to get going.” When I didn’t budge, he continued. “You can’t be serious."

"It’s my best bet.” I said, mostly to myself but he turned to me seriously.

“No, it’s not. You’re a minor in a foreign country. What will you do for money? Where will you live? You’ll need a work visa, proper documentation. You can’t just loiter in foreign countries like some- some vagabond.” I knew this kid was going to ruin my day. “Now come with me, they’re expecting us."

I had no choice but to follow sullenly, wondering who the hell ”they" were. My suitcase struggled along with me, like an old, sympathetic friend.

“I’m William, by the way. William Dorsey the Third.” Of course that was his name. “Here we are. Just stay put and I’ll get the tickets.”

I thought about walking off when he turned his back. His tirad broke my spirit though and all that was left was a dull feeling of dread, growing stronger as my buzz faded. I was gonna be trapped again, stuffed into a uniform like his, miserable and alone, until they finally realized I didn’t belong and kicked me out just like at McKinley. I looked around for some escape, a sign, a miracle but then he was back with the tickets and all I could do was follow him onto the platform.

“I’m head of our house this year.” He said, as we found our seats on the train.

“What is that, like hall monitor?"

"Hall monitor? Is that American slang or something?"

"No, it’s…” I didn’t have the energy to explain. “Nevermind. Doesn’t matter."

The train pulled away from the station and suddenly it was too late to do anything but watch as the foreign sights passed before my eyes, quicker and quicker.

"Well, in any case, I suppose I should acquaint you with the rules considering we have nothing but time,” he went on. I sighed and kept staring out the window like I hadn’t heard him. “They’re fairly standard, for boarding school…you have been to boarding school before, haven’t you?"

"Oh yeah, tons of times.” I rolled my eyes out the window.

“Oh good.” He said, nestling into the seat across from me with a satisfied look. “Hold on, do I detect a note of a sarcasm?"

I grunted, something between a laugh and assent.

"Was that a yes?” He squinted at me from behind square glasses. “You know, we’re going to have to learn to communicate eventually. We’re to share a room, after all."

"Us?"

"Yes…” He said, examining my face like I might be slow, then muttering to himself, “Although, perhaps that can be rearranged…no, no, it’s too late. Nothing to be done about it.” He raised his eyes back to me. “Rooming with an experienced boarder should prove helpful. And I’m sure I can count on you to return the favor and be a courteous housemate.”

“I can try.” I sighed, trying to picture spending the next year trapped in a room with this guy. Maybe he’d rub off on me and I’d come home with a tie and a British accent, or maybe I’d rub off on him - no, that didn’t seem likely. Picturing him in a leather jacket was about as ridiculous as me with straight A’s and a stack of books under my arm.

“…just be certain to read the rules very closely,” He was still going on. “Keep up with your studies, our house has the highest marks of anyone and we want to keep it that way."

I nodded, not really listening, trying to figure out when would be a good time to jump off the train. This wasn’t going to work, that much was obvious. My first instinct was right, I should’ve just stayed at the airport, drinking until I ran out of money or dropped dead, whichever came first. What the hell was my mom thinking, sending me to this place? What was I thinking, actually going? I was just a stupid nobody, worse than a dropout, only good at one thing and that was getting myself kicked out - out of school and out of my life. Now I was stuck on a train with this kid who was nice enough but sure to turn on me before long, barrelling toward another failure, another disappointment, another trap I was gonna have to-

"Hello?” William was waving a hand in front of my face. “Are you alright?"

"Huh…yeah."

"I know rules can be dull but I thought I’d lost you there for a moment."

"I think I should get off-” I said, starting to stand.

“Are you ill? We’re nearly there."

I sat back down. "We are?"

"Yes, but the toilet is just down there if you need it."

"No, it’s okay."

"You look quite pale."

"It’s normal."

"Well, you won’t be getting a tan anytime soon. England is quite rainy. Gloomy and gray, even, at times."

That much I knew. I looked back out the window, but it was all dark now, just shadowy shapes of the forest and countryside barely illuminated by a half-moon. How the hell did I get here?

"It’s quite normal you know,” William went on, wearing an almost sympathetic expression. “To feel…well…out of sorts. I was gobsmacked my first year away from home. It passes…eventually."

"Yeah."

"But you’re much better off, see.” He continued, seeing his encouragement hadn’t taken hold. “I was just an 8 year-old prat and you’ll be the cool American boy.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at that. “Really?"

"Oh, surely. Everyone loves a foreign accent.” He said, with just a hint of resentment. “The girls especially."

"Oh, goodie."

"Sarcasm again?” He raised an eyebrow. “Or are girls not your…preference? No judgements of course, only asking-"

"No,” I laughed. “It’s not that, just…taking a break from relationships right now."

"Ah, heart on the mend?"

Was there ever a time it wasn’t? "You could say that."

"Well, the Academy will be a good distraction, then. Plenty to do.” When I didn’t answer, he went on. “Truly, it’s not so bad. You’ll see."

"I’ll take your word for it.” I forced the slightest grin. “Thanks."

He nodded, satisfied that his work was done and his charge wouldn’t be jumping off the train at the next stop. I still wasn’t so sure, though. But I was too late as usual, the next stop was ours and we emerged into the night, one upstanding student and his weird, foreign roommate with the squeaky suitcase following after him.

"It’s not usually so deserted.” He said, motioning at the empty platform. “But we are quite late.” He sniffed and went ahead of me. “The car is just over here. Not mine, of course, we’re not allowed. The school lent it to me for this errand especially."

"Good to know.” I muttered, following him to a black car parked along the road and trying to light a cigarette at the same time.

“Must you?” William said, waving the smoke away from him. I nodded, cigarette puffing between my lips.

“I must."

"Not in the car, you won’t.” He said, opening the trunk. He took my suitcase from me and hefted it in somewhat easily. “That was lighter than it looked."

"Yeah, don’t have much.” I said, exhaling smoke toward the sky.

“Always best to pack on the light side, I find. Hurry now, it’s getting chilly.” He rubbed his arms.

“Alright, alright.” I put my cigarette out barely half smoked and went for the car door.

“Oh no, you’re not driving!"

I looked down at the passenger’s side to see the steering wheel and gearshift. "Just getting the door for you.” He went past me with a sniff and sat down. I went around and got in on the other side.

“You didn’t realize this was the driver’s side, did you?” William said as he started the car, with the air of someone solving a mystery.

“You got me."

"Ah, see we are starting to communicate.” And with that remark we were off, winding by the light of two headlights and a half moon through green hills, along tree lined roads, passed a sleeping cobblestoned village, the only lights coming from houses nestled in the distance. William was going on about the town, something about its history, but I could barely hear him - I was too busy thinking about how Angela must be passed out at some party right now, and my mom was probably celebrating with Cliff and here I was in another dimension. Then suddenly we were turning and passing under an arched gateway that read The Academy in wrought-iron letters.

“Here we are.” William was saying, following the tree-lined driveway up to what could only be the Academy itself. It was just like the brochures, only now it was real and towered three-stories over me in pale stone, sprawling to the left and right so far I almost couldn’t see where it ended.

“Wow,” I sighed. Yeah, this place was gonna spit me out the second I walked inside. Maybe I should just fuck off right now, steal the car-

“Coming?” William knocked on my window, already out of the car, my suitcase in hand. I pushed the door open. “We have to leave the car here and walk, but it’s not terribly far. The tour will have to wait until tomorrow, seeing as it’s dark now.”

I didn’t miss the note of resentment, like it was my fault it was so late, which I guess it was. I was already ruining things and it wasn’t even my first day yet…but there was no choice now. Maybe I could sneak away in the night, I thought as I followed him. I should just go and live in the woods, at least there was nothing there to remind me what a fuck up I was…and always would be.

“…Bright House just there.” William was saying. “And this up ahead, is Beckett, our house.” He motioned toward a miniature of the Academy, backdropped by the dark forest. I followed him up a manicured lawn, lined with neatly planted flowers. “The boys are probably off at dinner by now,” He said as he pushed through the door into the quiet house. “Or nipped down to the pub more likely, but you’ll meet them before long. If you hurry we might catch the tail end or you could make supper here, I suppose,” He motioned vaguely toward the kitchen as we passed by it. “But no one ever does, so I’m not sure what you’ll find in the cupboards."

"It’s ok, not hungry.” I muttered, following him up the stairs.

“Well, I’m famished,” he said, pushing through a door that could only lead to our room. “Here it is.” He waved to the room as he flicked on a light. Two beds, two nightstands, two dressers and two desks, mirroring each other on opposite sides of the room. “Your bed, there.” He nodded toward the bed with nothing on it. His was stacked neatly with clothes, as though he’d been about to put them away and then been called away on some errand. His desk had books piled high and mine had nothing, and still wouldn’t even when I unpacked. “You sure you don’t want to come? You’ll need to change into your uniform first, but I can wait. The toilet is just there.” He nodded toward a door on my side of the room.

“It’s ok, you go ahead.” I think I’ll eat a cigarette for dinner.

“Well, you get unpacked and perhaps I’ll bring you back something to eat?"

"Sure, thanks.” I wasn’t sure what I’d done to garner the pity of this kid but I was sure it wouldn’t last long. Still, it was nice to have someone be friendly, even if I didn’t deserve it.

When he was gone I stared around the room like an idiot, trying to figure out what to do. It was hard to move at all, felt like somebody filled me in with lead. Finally I pushed myself to my feet and wandered in a little circle, opening empty drawers. I threw my suitcase open and dumped my clothes into the dresser, which took up all of one drawer. I threw my phone and walkman in the nightstand. I thought about checking to see if I had any missed calls, but I couldn’t stand to look, to find out no one cared at all. So I crept through the silent house instead, wandered out a back door and smoked two cigarettes in a row, staring up at the moon. At least one thing hadn’t changed. I stared into the dark forest, wondering where it led, thinking about wandering into it but then I heard laughing and realized they must be coming back, so I snuck up to my room before anyone could see me. I wasn’t ready to meet anybody, to see the looks on their faces when they realized what I already knew - I didn’t belong here.

William came back sometime later, but I pretended to be asleep and he was quiet as a mouse as he finished unpacking and went to bed himself. When he started to snore I turned over and stared up at the ceiling. The moonlight was coming in through the window, so I could see the little cracks in the ceiling, forming strange pictures in my head like looking up at the clouds. I didn’t feel tired, just empty…but still heavy somehow, knowing how all this was gonna play out, knowing the only way out was through. But, just like with everything in my life, there was nothing I could do about it. I was stuck watching the wreck happen from behind glass, could scream and yell and try to stop it but it wouldn’t make a lick of difference. So I just listened to the strange house settle, wishing for sleep, waiting for the pieces to start falling.

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