#acotar nesta

[lyssasdrafts]

do you ever think about how feyre had to go under the mountain but nesta had to climb it

[shadowdaddies]

Being mated to Azriel/Cassian/Nesta. Az and Cass are away, visiting some Illyrian camps, and whenever they are away, you all have agreed that you’re free use for Nesta?

hii thank you for the request, I've been slow with them lately and hating everything I write but I hope you like this! I got carried away here

Mine All Mine

Nesta x f!Reader smut (ft. Cassian and Azriel)

warnings: pure smut, free use, oral f!receiving, masturbation, gagging/toys, d/s dynamics

“Be good for us while we’re gone, sweetheart,” Cassian purred, flashing a roguish grin that forced heat to your cheeks under his gaze.

Azriel leaned in, arms wrapping you in a gentle embrace as his lips brushed yours, the tender moment at odds with the words that followed.

“She’ll be good, Cassian. Our girl knows she is solely responsible for Nesta’s pleasure while we’re away.” His voice maintained its smooth calmness, but the shadowsinger’s grin turned vulpine as a scarred finger curled under your chin. “You’ll take care of Nesta while we’re gone, won’t you, angel?”

It was an agreement the four of your had as mates. While Cassian and Azriel were gone, you were responsible for Nesta’s pleasure, and she for yours. She could take you at any time she wanted to get what she needed from you, and you relinquished complete control over your own pleasure to her.

You nodded at Azriel, embarrassed at the rush of heat that built between your thighs at his words. Two sets of hazel eyes simmered with desire at the scent of your arousal drifting through the room. “Yes, sir,” you whispered, lower lip tugged between your teeth.

Cassian was the first to break the tension, clearing his throat before mumbling something about being late to their meeting in Windhaven. Azriel slowly drew his finger from your chin, his intense gaze as he did so sending a shiver down your spine.

“We will see you very soon, angel,” he promised, the side of his lip curving to show a dimple before the two Illyrians disappeared through the door, the sound of their wings beating as they took off echoing through the air.

The house instantly felt empty, a restlessness settling over you at the quiet. Your mind drifted to the things Nesta would do to you when she returned home - the ways she would use you for her pleasure, push you to the limits of your own - and slick dampened your thighs, core clenching around nothing.

Face flushed, you shook the shameful thoughts from your mind in favor of distraction. A book caught your eye, resting on the couch in front of the fireplace in invitation. 

Picking up the novel, you collapsed against the soft cushions before peering at the cover. It must have been one of Nesta’s books, a Sellyn Drake novel like those she’d been trying to get you to read for awhile now. 

Pulling a throw pillow under your head, you flipped open the book, quickly finding yourself lost in the story. You had no idea how long you’d been reading when the two main characters found themselves in an inn with only one bed to share. You read of hands slipping between thighs, light teasing touches, gasps at the exquisite pleasure being exchanged.

You found that heat building between your own thighs once again, desire making it difficult to focus on the book. Tugging your lip between your teeth, you set the novel to the side, freeing your hands to explore.

Brushing your nipples through your shirt, you mewled with need when your hand drifted lower, featherlight touches teasing yourself as you slipped beneath the waistband of your pants. 

“Enjoying the book, pet?” a familiar voice drawled from the doorway, sending a chill down your spine and halting your movements. Your wide eyes flicked to where Nesta leaned by the wall, arms crossed and silver eyes glowing with amusement.

Breathless, you watched her stride toward you on long legs, her leathers hugging her curves. “Which part were you reading?” she murmured, limbs stretching across the couch as her body settled over yours.

Nesta’s hands pulled your own from where it rested on your lower abdomen, her eyes focused keenly on you while you stumbled through the plot of the book. Just as you began to recount the scene at the inn, Nesta popped your fingers in her mouth, licking and sucking fervently while she nodded for you to continue.

Somehow managing to breathe out the steamy details to Nesta - despite her lips around your fingers, hips grinding against yours while she straddled you - you loosed a sigh of relief when she relented her efforts in favor of releasing you. 

Standing for only a moment, Nesta stripped off her pants and turned away from you, showing off her perfect ass as she did. You started to lean forward, eager to meet Nes where she stood, but the female clicked her tongue in disapproval.

“Lay back, love. Stay still for me,” Nesta purred, flashing a grin over her shoulder as she settled above your face. The scent of her arousal was dizzying, the need to please her consuming your thoughts.

As though she could sense your desperation, Nesta hummed a “good girl” before sinking down onto you. Slick core pressed against your nose, her clit perched perfectly atop your mouth for your tongue to flick out against the swollen bud.

Her hips rolled against you on instinct, a soft moan escaping Nesta’s lips at your mouth on her. “Just like that, pet,” she breathed, hands pulling your still-soaked digits towards your heat. “Touch yourself while I read this.”

Picking up your book, Nes began to read the scenes you described, her wetness growing and spreading sloppily across your face as you ate her out. One hand wrapped around her waist, encouraging the rhythm of her hips against your lips, while the other followed her directions to your clit, rubbing tight circles that made your legs jerk against the couch in ecstasy. 

You felt Nesta’s core clench, her hips shaking as she moaned your name, dropping the book when her orgasm rocked through her. The scent of her invaded your senses, weight settling fully over you as you released muffled cries against her warm center, your own high crashing into you. 

Panting for air, you sighed with relief and longing at the loss of her heat on your face. Eyes struggled to focus, finally finding Nesta’s gaze on yours as she lifted your fingers to her mouth once more and licked your release clean.

“I need more,” Nes nearly growled, a wolfish grin formed on her full lips. “I’m not done with you tonight,” she promised, heat dancing in her eyes like flame when her hand wrapped around your wrist. “Come with me.”

You followed dutifully back up to your bedroom, stripping as directed before laying back on the mattress and watching Nesta undress. 

“I got something new for us, love. To use when the boys are gone,” she explained, rifling through her nightstand before pulling out a strap with a dildo attached to the end. But this one was different from Nesta’s strap; it was simple and black with one buckle around the back.

Sensing your confusion, Nesta grinned wickedly. “This one is for you to wear, sweet girl,” she purred, bare hips straddling your own as she lifted the toy to your mouth to demonstrate. “If that’s okay,” she amended, laughing when you eagerly nodded and lifted your head for her to secure the gag.

“So good for me,” Nesta cooed, golden brown hair falling down in a curtain around her as she smiled down at you. “I just need you to lay there and take it for now.”

Hips settled over the toy perched on your mouth, Nesta’s puffy center spreading her slick over the tip before sinking down. You moaned through the gag at the sight, your mate filled up and bending over to hover your core. Gentle hands spread your thighs before Nesta dove in without warning, tongue making wicked movements against your clit as she began bouncing up and down on your face.

Helpless moans and squeals escaped you, sounds drowned out by the toy covering your face. “Just wait and see, love, what I have in store for us this week,” Nesta moaned, perked nipples brushing your stomach. “This is only the beginning.”

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

*the inner circle all drunk at family dinner* cassian: OKAY EVERYONE! let's go around the room and say who our favorite person here is rhysand: that sounds like a horrible idea cassian: i'll go first rhysand: please don't- cassian: AZRIEL nesta: i agree, azriel mor: if i had to choose, azriel amren: i'm also going to say azriel because he's the only one of you who knows how to shut up feyre: definitely azriel *rhysand, mouth wide open, looking at his mate in absolute shock*

feyre: oh come on, don't pretend you're not also picking azriel rhysand: there is no way i would ever pick anyone over my mate, the love of my life, the mother to my child, the only person who-- *sighs* okay yah i'd pick azriel.... *everyone looks at azriel intently* azriel: nope, i'm not doing this again *disappears into his shadows

[kaelderdoer]

Nesta Archeron from A Court of Thorns and Roses

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Pairing(s): Cassian x Reader x Nesta, Cassian x Reader, Cassian x Nesta, Nesta x Reader

Warnings: polyamorous mates, cunnilingus, fingering, voyeurism, male masturbation, female masturbation

Words: 1227

Summary: Your mates always rose early in the morning to train without complaint. Unlike them you're one to spend the mornings in the comfiness of your bed until Nesta rouses you awake.

Helplessly, your hand shoots out and barely catches Nesta's wrist in time before she was out of reach. Nesta quirks a slim brow at you. "Five more minutes. Please. . ."

She rolls her eyes at you, Cassian snickering as he stops by the bedroom door. Nesta leans down to catch your sleepy lips. "How about you come join us?"

You huff and roll over to your other side; facing away from Nesta. Your childish display had Nesta pinching your butt.

Shooting a glare over your shoulders, you watch as Nesta moves around Cassian and leaves your shared bedroom. Cassian smirks at you. "We'll see you in an hour?"

Nodding, your eyes were already growing heavy. Begging for you to close them and resume your sweet slumber. You hear Cassian's laugh echoing in the distance.

They always woke up too early for your liking. You trained once a day, sure, but your two lovers trained like it was a religion to them. And that's why they were formidable foes while your skills weren't as mastered.

Eventually you would be able to find the strength to tear yourself away from the possessive embrace of the blankets, but you definitely were not a morning person.

But when the hour passes with still no sign of you, Nesta and Cassian take it upon themselves to rouse you from bed whether you were ready or not.

Returning back to the bedroom, they find you still peacefully asleep; one leg draped out of the blankets and your face buried in a pillow.

"Lets let her sleep, Nes. She looks so comfortable. It would be a shame to ruin whatever sweet dream she's experiencing." Cassian attempts to reason with Nesta who is already making her way to the massive bed that threatened to take up the majority of the room.

"You coddle her too much. This is why she's lazy in the morning." She doesn't bother to look over at the large Illyrian male. Besides, she wasn't that cruel to where she'd just rip your from your sleep. Nesta had her ways of coaxing you out.

Practically purring at how defenseless you are, Nesta gently moves your leg so that she can slip the rest of the covers off of your body. Making sure each move she made was imperceptible to your sleeping conscious. The lower half of your body was bare except for the panties you wore. Clothing your upper body was one of Cassian's shirts, large but silhouetting the rise and fall of your breasts.

If you trained as hard as Nesta and Cassian did, Nesta knew you'd be able to feel each gentle shift of your body. You were out cold. Always a heavy sleeper.

Covertly, Nesta separates your legs to gaze at your clothed mound. On top of you, Nesta brushes the tip of her nose along the crease your pussy made on your panties. Saliva immediately fills her mouth when she inhales your scent. When she was a human, she'd never imagined how drawn to the same-sex she could be.

You stir a little but resume your sleep and allow Nesta to continue.

Cassian has to bite down on his bottom lip to suppress the groan that rolls in his throat at the sight of Nesta pulling aside your panties to give your pussy lips the tenderest of kisses that has you unconsciously twitching.

Nesta's own rounded ass was high in the air as she continues to leave butterfly kisses all over your labia. Sweet little moans leave your lips. Cassian wondered if you were dreaming of Nesta's lips on you.

Fuck, his pants were getting too cramped in the crotch area. He palms at his erect cock through the material of his pants. Cauldron, Cassian felt like the luckiest male in the entire world. Who else could brag that they had two incredibly gorgeous mates.

He watches intently as Nesta's pink tongue breaks past her lips and lick a long strip along the cleft of your cunt. Soft kitten licks that had you trembling, eyebrows furrowing at the strange sensation. Your eyes were still closed.

From the kitten licks, Nesta places her index and middle finger to spread your pussy lips open. Gray eyes darken at the display before her. You were already wet due to her previous affections she bestowed upon your mound. Her finger easily slides in.

In that moment your eyes pop open. "Wha-"

"You are very late to training, sweetling." Cassian darkly chuckles, carefully getting onto the bed and props his head up in his hands.

Your words catch in your throat as Nesta's tongue swirls agonizingly on your clit. A broken moan escaping you.

"Maybe Nesta is right that I coddle you too much. Look at you. You've become an utter pillow princess. Not that I'm complaining. If that's the life you want to live, I'll happily oblige-"

"You're talking is ruining the mood." Nesta growls against your thighs. Her lips smear your wetness along the soft skin of your inner thighs.

That's right, he had to be careful when Nesta was eating. She didn't like anything to interrupt her. Rather, she didn't like any other noise getting in the way of your delicious moans and cries.

With Cassian zipping his mouth, he sits back to enjoy the show; gently palming his erection which he'd finally released.

Nesta gives out a pleased hum and leans her face back down. She could feel her own neediness begin to warm her core making her aware that she had far too many clothes.

Pulling back for a second, she strips herself as fast as her impatient hands could. When Cassian can't resist a laugh that bubbles up, Nesta shoots him a glare. She was well aware of the frustrated flush of her cheeks, the stray strands of hair that were sticking up. Cool and collected Nesta. During her human life, she was seen as cold but perfect. Cassian couldn't even boast that he was able to get Nesta to look the way she did when she was eating you out.

Her fervor causes you to whimper and hide your face with your forearm. Cassian stops you with his strong fingers wrapped around your wrist.

The hand that wasn't occupied in fingering you was swiping over her own clit.

Cassian doesn't know what to focus on: your fucked out face, Nesta's fucked out face, Nesta using her mouth and fingers to fuck you, or Nesta using her fingers to fuck herself.

Shamelessly you mewl out Nesta's name. Your male mate's groans had your hips tilting up desperately to ride Nesta's face.

Wrong move.

Nesta snarls out to Cassian "Keep her hips still."

"Please Nes!" Sight growing bleary, you vaguely make out the sharp features of her lovely face.

"I'll give you what you want." She knew this was a sure fire way to get you to do whatever she desired. "Eventually."

"Ya know-" you wheeze out "-when you said you'd give me what I want eventually, I thought you were alluding to more sexy stuff." The white fabric wrapped around your head was soaking with sweat.

You swing up your sparring sword just in time for it to clash against Nesta's.

"I know very well what you assumed." She chuckles, a tinge of pink to her prominent cheeks. "I promise. After training I will give you your reward. "

[chunkypossum]

Embers in the Wind

Ch 2: Eyes Closed, Head Down

Nesta X Cassian x Eris for @polyacotarweek

DAY 2: Comfort

Ch 2/4

4k words

READ ON AO3

Snippet under the cut.

Eris muttered something as he took a sip and Cassian felt Nesta stiffen next to him.  “What did you say?” He growled.   “I said,” Eris raised his voice, sitting up and leveling Cassian with a stare that would make lesser men wilt. A true lord of fire. “The mother has a sick sense of humor.” He slumped back in his chair and smirked, downing his second glass completely.  Cassian tracked the movement as he swallowed, watching as a drop of whiskey that hadn’t made it into his mouth slipped from the corner of his lips and slid down the column of his throat. Realizing what he was doing, Cassian’s nostrils flared and he too threw back his entire drink in one gulp.  Nesta’s eyes narrowed on him and she sent a tug down their bond but he ignored her.  “What if we made a bargain?” She offered, looking down at her hands.  “Absolutely not.” Eris said.  At the same time as Cassian ground out a resounding, “No.”  “See,” Nesta teased, “Already working together. That’s progress.” She winked at Cassian who glowered back. Out of the corner of his eye Cassian swore he saw a smirk on Eris’ mouth, but by the time he had looked at the male the smile was nowhere to be seen. 

I know I gave a shout out on Ao3 but needed to here too! @acourtofladydeath thank you so much for your help beta-ing this fic. Your suggestions were beautiful and made all the difference.

If anyone wants on or off the taglist please let me know!

@hieragalbatorixdottir @talibunny30 @iftheshoef1tz @born-to-riot @pathfinderofnight @fell-in-luvs @fieldofdaisiies @aktrain @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @secret-third-thing @acourtofladydeath @pippsmcgee @youvereachedthenearest-lovergirl @baileybird71 @skyesayshi @yanny-77 @icey--stars

[jenibearx3]

Cassian and Nesta after a long day, together at last

[toast-com]

Nesta with a gun. She deserves it.

[cla-oh]

💫Just Acotar Doodles💫

Doodles from these past weeks I did bc I was in the mood.

[desolationfires]

A Court of Thorns and Roses

⚔︎ Nesta ⚔︎

[lyssasdrafts]

i know nesta and lucien were supposed to end up together and didn’t but i need their friendship. it starts with lucien telling embarrassing stories about eris after finding out nesta almost married his brother. after he finds out he’s helion’s son, he invites nesta to the day court and she loves their libraries. lucien brings her book recommendations from there and they always visit each other to catch up and gossip.

[shadowdaddies]

for my Valkyries at heart, keep climbing that mountain.🩶

this beautiful artwork of Nesta by h.hartes

commissioned by @shadowdaddies

please do not repost without permission

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

*azriel comes back inside from the training ring sweaty and shirtless* azriel: hey has anyone seen my shirt? i could've sworn i left it by the weapons rack

*cassian starts whistling and refuses to make eye contact with azriel*

cassian: your shirt? you had one of those? nope, never seen it before. *azriel rolls his eyes and then heads to his room before heading back out moments later, still shirtless* azriel: okay, seriously you guys, where are all my shirts??

*nesta holding a book upside down and pretending to read*

nesta: we have no clue what you're talking about azriel: really? then what's that behind your chair?

*nesta quickly kicks a large bundle of cloth into the fireplace next to her*

nesta: nothing..... azriel: (sighing heavily) feyre, please help me out here *the clothes spontaneously combust and feyre shoots azriel a sly smirk* feyre: sorry az, i don't think i can do that. it's for the good of the court.

[kaelderdoer]

Cassian walks by the doorway to the library and sees Nesta standing by the armchair, not sitting down, probably so lost in the book that when she got up to get a glass of water or to use the restroom and she came back and picked up her book and started reading, she got so immersed that she forgot to even sit down. When he sees that, his love for her grows even when he thought he couldn’t possibly love her more and he smiles to himself thinking he is the luckiest male to ever have lived.

[acotardarling]

NESSIAN FIC - A Court of Gold and Soot

Chapter 1

Pride filled Nesta’s heart as she watched the last spar of the day wrap up. The Valkyrie warriors exiting the ring were glistening with sweat. More and more Priestesses had joined their ranks and Nesta was at peace with the small dent she made in the world. She, Gwyn, and Emerie started cleaning up the training ring once all their students had departed.

“Did the mint leaves help?” Gwyn asked, heaving the split logs to the side to be used as firewood. She was referring to the suggestion to use them as a home remedy.

“A little, I think,” Nesta said. “I don’t think they’re strong enough.”

“Even Cassian can’t get your mind off of your ailments?” Emerie teased, raising an eyebrow. Her two best friends had relentlessly teased her after she’d told them that her favorite remedy to get her mind off of soreness from training was a good fuck from her mate.

“Unfortunately, Cassian’s penis isn’t a certified healer,” Nesta said with a smirk. “I don’t know if we’ll ever have the kind of sex that can cure stomach aches.”

“Too bad!” Emeries chided.

“You haven’t felt well in a week,” Gwyn said, concern on her face. It was true – for several days now Nesta’s body had been run down. Her appetite was gone, she was tired at all hours, and she’d get waves of nausea if she’d trained too hard or eaten too quickly.

“Do Fae get sick?” Nesta asked. It took her friends a moment to realize she was serious.

“We can, yeah. Not really human things like colds or flus, but some have allergies, and there are other things we can contract,” Emerie supplied. Nesta thought it over.

“Well if it gets much worse, I’ll send for a healer,” Nesta said. Gwyn smiled.

“Maybe you’re just pregnant,” Emerie laughed, elbowing Nesta in the ribs. Nesta’s expression dropped for a half of a second.

“She’s on preventatives,” said Gwyn. Nesta said nothing as the trio made their way to the library.

Nesta had been distracted by what Emerie said for the first hour or so they were in the library, even thoughs he knew there was a distinct improbability of her being able to conceive. As she walked through the aisles shelving books, the fear loosened its grip on her. Pretty soon it was forgotten entirely.

Cassian was home before Nesta, which was a shocking surprise as of late. He gave her a huge grin as he sat at the dining table. Deep happiness spread throughout her, but she refused to indulge him.

“Nice of you to show up,” she said taking a seat across from him.

“Thoguht I’d grace you with my presence.”

“Whatever you say, bat boy,” Nesta said. She let her eyes roam over him – slowly. She knew what she was doing.

Cassian took note of her eyes traveling over his broad chest, chiseled stomach, and resting on what she could see of his hips. He folded his hands behind his head and gave her a devilish smirk.

Nesta’s body heated at the sight of Cassian across from her. His leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head so that his hips were the focal point. An offering.

“I don’t know if I remember how to do it,” Nesta teased. “It’s been so long.”

“You’re the best at it,” Cassian said. Nesta realized in that moment how much Cassian wanted her lips around him – usually their banter lasted much longer. He wasn’t challenging her, he was too full of desire.

Nesta rose from the table and knelt in front of her mate. His desire was in full view now. She palmed him in a long stroke over his pants and he writhed in response. This would be fun. Her fingers found the laces of his pants and worked out the knots, freeing him. She’d worked him with her hands until his hips bucked towards her face. She smirked and reached behind his head. She tugged at the leather band that held his hair in a knot and released it, quickly using it to tie up her own long locks.

“Fuck, Nes” was all Cassian could manage.

With her hair out of the way, Nesta gripped the base of Cassian’s cock and put her lips round the tip.

She promptly removed him from her mouth and let go. The pressure of him on her tongue made her gag. Twice. Her eyes watered and she begged Cassian realized it was the reflex and not embarrassment (although she was extremely embarrassed).

Cassian lurched forward in shock, fumbling to help his mate. Nesta sat kneeled before him gagging of all things. They’d never had this problem before. Cassian had the problem with other females on multiple occasions, but he’d never been too big for Nesta.

“Shit, babe, are you okay?” Once she recovered she glared up at him. He realized she was fine, if not humbled. Oh this was fantastic for him.

“Don’t. Say. A word.”

“I wouldn’t dare mention how I gagged you with my cock. I thought you liked it rough, Nes, you barely touched me.” He couldn’t help the cocky grin he knew she despised.

“Oh don’t let this go to your head, you Illyrian baby.” Nesta gave him her best doe eyes to try and salvage the mood. “Lean back,” she said, voice as husky as she could muster.

“Don’t even think about it.” Both Cassian and Nesta whirled around to see shadows drifting from around the corner. “This is a dining room, not a sex dungeon,” Azriel reprimanded. Nesta stood up and quickly tore out the leather in her hair, tossing it at Cassian a little harder than she should have. Cassian felt no remorse, he was too entertained by the whole event.

“Sorry, Az. It’s been a while since you flexed your chaperone hat,” he quipped. Azriel rolled his eyes.

“I’m starving,” Azriel said changing the subject and sitting down. He served himself from the House’s elaborate spread – roast, asparagus, fried lemons, and mashed potatoes. Nesta’s mouth watered. She speared some of everything and dug in.

“You like fried lemons?” Azriel asked her.

“I’ve never tried them, they never appealed. They’re delicious,” Nesta said between bites. It wasn’t like Azriel to inquire about her food choices.

Soon enough, the meal ended which saw Azriel retreating to his room and Cassian and Nesta lazily cuddling in bed. Most nights, this was the most Nesta could expect. Cassian’s light snores filled the silence soon enough. He’d been adapting to his Courtier duties the only way he knew how – to work relentlessly until it was second nature to him. If he wasn’t off in some far away land or overseeing progress at Windhaven, he’d either be in the training ring, keeping up strength and appearances, instructing Priestesses, or hanging out with his nephew. Lately he’d been complaining of how few hours there were in the day. Nesta didn’t necessarily feel like an afterthought – she knew how this work fulfilled Cassian. She just missed him. She knew if she voiced this he’d drop what he could to be around more, but she refused to be a pining wife. First of all, they weren’t married yet. Second of all, Nesta’s schedule was anything but bland. She maintained training in the mornings – sessions for herself to exercise her mind as well as sessions where she instructed. She also worked in the library, helped Emerie in the store, and visited Windhaven when Cass couldn’t. She’d also promised Cassian last solstice that she’d make more of an effort with her sisters, which apparently meant weekly meals with both of them.

It was a busy time to be alive, but Nesta knew how lucky she was to be busy. She used to rot all day in poverty, insecure and freezing cold. She never would have pictured savoring moments with those around her.

The thoughts comforted her as she drifted into sleep, wrapping her body around Cassian’s.

Nesta bolted upright in bed. Based on the darkness seeping in from the windows, she could tell it was early morning. The contents of her stomach were churning aggressively. She reached out to her bedside table for a mint leaf to chew on. The smell of mint only made it worse. She sat stiff as a board and focused on breathing until the nausea subsided.

Next to her, Cassian stirred but thankfully stayed asleep despite the commotion. After earlier’s incident in the dining room, Nesta couldn’t take anymore humiliation.

The peak of the nausea passed her, although the subtle taste of acrid bile remained. Nesta carefully got up to retrieve a glass of water.

She and Cassian had left much of their house the same after it was gifted by her brother in law, but she couldn’t help adding some personal touches. She’d added some squashy chairs to their personal library, where she, Emerie, and Gwyn spent much of their leisure time. It was while crossing through the library that a secondary stomach pain struck. She plopped into her favorite armchair as vomit rose in her throat.

No. she thought. Not on her new rug. She willed everything inside her to remain where it’s supposed to be.

“Here,” she heard a voice say. She jolted, just as Azriel revealed himself from the shadows, a delicious looking glass of water in hand. She said nothing, but outstretched her hand. She liked Azriel, and usually gave him the grace of starting the conversation. This time she didn’t feel up to it.

Azriel stood leaning against a nearby wall. The quiet didn’t bother him. He noted Nesta appraising him and noted the hesitation in her face.

“You’ve been ill,” he said. It wasn’t a question. Nesta was aware of Az’s instinctual interrogation tactics – make claims until your interviewee either corroborates or denies and go from there. She wasn’t surprised Azriel noticed she wasn’t feeling good. Besides his gods-given talent for noticing details, his shadows told him what was happening in the house, and he kept especially close tabs on those he cared about. He’d really started to appreciate Nesta in the months since her and his brother mated. Cassian brought a lightness to her and a gentleness that he supposed even her sisters had never known. Accustomed to being an outsider, Nesta noticed when Azriel got too in his head and was always able to draw him out. They had a sort of symbiotic relationship.

“A shame the lemons didn’t help,” he said with a smile. Something clicked within Nesta. Emerie’s joke replayed in her mind. Maybe you’re just pregnant.

A cold sweat shivered down Nesta’s spine. Nausea, sensitivity to smell, fatigue, inhaling foods she’d never cared for before. She couldn’t go down this rabbit hole in front of Cassian, who was starting to question the silence.

Several beats passed before Az asked, “Do you need anything else?” Nesta composed herself, dragging up her defenses.

“No,” she said. A forced calm masked her voice, but Az noticed her shoulders stiffen.

“You sure?” he prodded. The corner of his mouth quirked up. He didn’t mind providing the extra nudge, knowing Nesta oftened required more than one offer of help.

Nesta adjusted her posture ever so slightly, maintaining the picture of ease. “I’m fine, I actually think the lemons disagreed with me. Cassian doesn’t need to know.” The words were heavy in the air.

“I wasn’t going to tell him,” Az said. He assumed she would – her knew for a fact that her and Cassian were open with each other. He’d heard more than his fair share of pillow talk from the pair. But Nesta’s request weighed on him. Why would she take special care to keep this from her mate? He wasn’t as overbearing as Rhysand was towards Feyre, and he’d probably be happy to help in any way she’d allow.

“He’s been so busy. He doesn’t need to worry about this.” She waved a hand, feigning nonchalance as she surveyed Azriel just as much as he surveyed her. The Shadowsinger was standing so still it’s as if he could vanish in a blink – like if she didn’t stare him down he’d disappear.

Azriel couldn’t – wouldn’t – lie to his brother. But if Cassian didn’t breach the subject of Nesta’s health, Azriel supposed he’d have no reason to bring it up. Even though his shadows felt that she was yielding Cassian’s busy schedule as an excuse, Az knew there was truth to it. It’d been decades since he’d seen Cass worked so hard. He also knew that both Cass and Rhys would take on additional tasks for him, sparing him burden. Azriel thought this situation much the same – he’d swallow this truth to lighten Cassian’s load.

“Goodnight, Nesta,” he said. He let his shadows linger just a moment before they, too, retreated. As Nesta tiptoed back into her room, she was startled to see Cass looking back at her, grinning.

“Where’d you go?” he asked grinning.

“Thirsty. Didn’t have any water at the bedside,” was all she replied. Her eyelids suddenly felt so, so heavy.

The male in her bed stretched out his arms and wings. “Apologies, I’ll make sure there’s a pitcher of water and a glass from now on. Or maybe I’ll ask Rhys if we could get a well installed,” he said, his smile growing. Although he was more awake than Nesta would prefer, she still noticed the evidence of sleep on her mate. Slow, deep breaths, a cozy, warm temperature, and sleep dusting his waterline. All she wanted was to lay in bed, absorb the heat from Cassian’s perfectly chiseled body, and close her heavy eyes. She didn’t even have the energy to worry about what might be wrong with her.

He beckoned her to him and she obliged, happily slipping under the covers. He wrapped a broad, callused hand under her waist and pulled her close, nuzzling her neck right where she loved. She felt his fingers glide through her long, unbound hair, until eventually flowing past her ends and resting on the swell of her ass. Nesta noticed a familiar pressure pushing against her from behind. The nose that was nuzzling her was replaced by a tongue. Nesta felt her breasts tighten in response.

“It’s 2AM Cassian,” she said quietly.

“Yeah, but it’s you, Ness,” he replied. His hand snaked toward her chest, but she stopped it in its path.

“No, Cassian,” she said. He stopped immediately, pulling back a little to take a better look at his mate. The peaceful sleepy haze cleared around him.

“Are you okay?” he asked her. This was the first time Nesta had ever denied any of his advances. They’d had romps at much more inconvenient times and places.

“Mhm, is it really so hard to believe anyone might resist you for some decent sleep?” his mate replied. He wasn’t buying it. He flipped Nesta over effortlessly and let his eyes assess hers. Physically, she seemed fine.

“Did I hurt you last time?” guilty already started to bubble up.

“No, of course not,” Nesta said quickly, “you should know by now I can handle you. All of you.” Her gaze dropped below his waist for a fraction of a second and he felt his body respond. He was powerless against her. Always.

Ignoring the response of his body, he didn’t give her a smile. He continued to hold her gray-blue gaze. She marked the concern in his eyes.

“Okay,” she conceded. “I might be a little sore.” The lie burned her throat, but that seed of defense eased as Cassian’s’ smirk returned.

“Sure you don’t want me to kiss it better? I’d be more than happy.” She returned his smile and planted a quick kiss on his lips before turning over and closing her eyes. The thought that she didn’t deserve Cassian echoed in her skull until sleep over took her.

When she awoke she was in the middle of their bed, Cassian’s absence almost palpable. She knew he’d be with the Illyrians. Devlon had been making sure that every spare moment Cassian had was spent in the frigid mountains thanks to his refusal to comply with Cass’s orders to train the females. Sometimes Nesta would join, but today she needed to see a healer. Rhys had wanted his Inner Circle to use Madja but Nesta didn’t want anyone whose allegiance was more towards the High Lord than their patient to oversee her healthcare.

She slipped on a comfortable pair of leather leggings and a warm sweater before heading out. Without sending for Madja, she’d have to go into Velaris on her own. As she prepared to take on the 10,000 steps to the city, her stomach lurched much worse than last night’s bout. She ran to the bathroom and vomited until nothing was left. As she rinsed her mouth she realized the stairs weren’t an option. She was too weak, and didn’t want to risk being ill in the stairs. Cass had once told her of a time he, Az, and Rhys had gotten sick on the stairs and how putrid it was.

“Azriel,” she said aloud. Those nosey shadows would fetch him if he was home. Soon enough, quiet footsteps entered the room. Azriel stood there, bare chested and skin flushed. Her caught her eyes roaming him over.

“Training ring,” he said as both greeting and explanation. The warrior was still catching his breath. Nesta quickly snapped her eyes to his face and kept them there.

“I need to speak to Feyre,” she said as evenly as she could. As much as she trusted the Shadowsinger, she didn’t want him to know she was off to a clinic. She figured Feyre taking her to Velaris posed a better chance of her transporter not knowing her final destination. Her sister was so recognizable in the city, it’d be much easier to slip away from her in the crowd to find a clinic that it would be to sneak away from someone who controlled the shadows.

Az nodded and tugged on his shirt before carefully laying his scarred hands under Nesta’s knees and around her waist before lifting them skyward. The wind felt fantastic in Nesta’s long hair. She turned her face towards the sun and let the warm rays kiss her face.

Before long, the River House came into view. Nesta knew by the hollow gaze in Az’s eyes that he was sending a mental message to his High Lord and Lady about their arrival. Knowing them, it was also most likely doubling as a warning to get decent for company.

Azriel’s landing was impeccably smooth. So was his swift but secure release of her from his arms. Nesta nodded her head as a thank you before stepping through the front doors.

Feyre and Rhys stood in the foyer, seemingly awaiting her arrival. As she felt Az’s presence enter behind her she knew she’d been right about the mental messaging.

“Glad you got the smoke signal –Lady Death has arrived,” Nesta said, knowing the coldness in her tone got under Rhys’s skin. Feyre said nothing, but wore a smile that didn’t meet her eyes. “Are you available for a trip into the city?” Nesta cut to the chase.

Her youngest sister shifted against her mate whose hand rested on the small of her back. Always protecting. Always around Nesta.

“I could make a trip,” Feyre replied. “As long as Rhys doesn’t mind watching Nyx alone.”

“I never mind being with my son,” Rhys said. “Besides, Cerridwen and Nuala are always available in urgent matters.” He shot Nesta a look, as if letting her know that he could be at Feyre’s side in a heartbeat. Evil Nesta was the constant refrain.

“Wonderful,” Nesta said, completely void of emotion. She turned on her heel, content to end the interaction there. A moment later Feyre joined her outside. Nesta silently offered her hand. Feyre winnowed them into the Artist’s quarters in town. If she hadn’t been so horrifically dizzy and ill from the winnowing, Nesta would have noticed they’d landed near Feyre’s public art studio. But unfortunately, Nesta’s already uneasy stomach was spiraling. As soon as her feet felt secure on the cobblestone, her guts tried to empty again, producing only bile and a terrible cacophony of retching.

“Nesta,” Feyre gasped, rushing forward to gather Nesta’s long hair.

“Don’t tell them,” Nesta choked out between heaves. “Do not message Rhysand.” Her voice was an icy command. Feyre’s hands which had just been re-gathering the hair at the temples of her sister’s head froze. Faltered. But she said nothing, which Nesta knew amounted to an agreement.

Nesta straightened, summoning every bit of dignity in her as passerbyers ogled at the high Lady and her vomiting sister.

“I’ll send for Madja when we’re home,” Feyre offered.

“Not necessary. I’m here to see a healer. I’m not involving Madja.” Nesta knew the words would hurt Feyre. They were laced with an inherent mistrust of Feyre’s Inner Circle. Of her true family, the one Nesta never would fully amount to. She hadn’t planned on Feyre knowing her whereabouts at all. She hadn’t counted on being ill so publicly.

“I’ll walk you to a clinic,” was all she said, her voice revealing no evidence of the hurt Nesta seemed to so easily inflict. Nesta was grateful Feyre asked no follow up questions. The silence between them gave way to the guilty thoughts that always seemed to lurk in Nesta’s head.

The eddy of dark thoughts only disappeared from her head as she registered that Feyre stopped and motioned towards a front door. “Do you want to be alone?” Feyre asked. Nesta sensed the forced indifference. She opened her mouth to say yes but the words caught in her throat. Something cracked inside her. The defense that was telling her to keep secrets from Cassian and Azriel turned into fear that stuck in her chest. She didn’t want to be alone. She couldn’t

“Come with me.” The words surprised Feyre. Nesta let the genuine fear rise in her eyes, letting them express what her words couldn’t. Something was wrong and Nesta didn’t know what.

Feyre sat in the corner of the room, present, but not overbearing. The healer had stunning amethyst eyes and beautiful brown skin. Her nails were long and accented the deep wrinkles in her hands. This healer was experienced. Probably not as experienced as Madja, but enough to earn Nesta’s innate trust.

“You’re pregnant,” the healer said matter of factly. “Barely two weeks. I’m surprised you’re having symptoms. Your scent is barely noticeable.” The words rolled out of the healer’s mouth and slammed into Nesta. Pregnant? How? She’d been taking a contraceptive tonic. She didn’t want this

Besides her Feyre gasped. Fuck Nesta thought. She was deeply regretting asking her sister to come.

“I’ll give you two a moment,” the healer said, likely noting their pale complexions and blank expressions. Feyre composed herself and gave the old female one of her most diplomatic smiles. Nesta didn’t bother. The healer paused at the door to say “There are options, Ms. Archeron. Just so you’re aware.” The door closed behind her.

Feyre quickly threw up a block of air, shielding their conversation from any unexpected listeners. She reinforced her mental shields as well. Right now, this was none of her High Lord’s business.

“Nesta,” she started tentatively. “This is good. Cassian will be thrilled. I didn’t know you were trying.” She was optimistically giving Nesta the benefit of the doubt.

Nesta’s head turned, shadows clouding her eyes. It was as if a flame of that freezing abandoned fire flared.

“We weren’t trying. I’m on a contraceptive drink.” The words struggled to escape from the tight-lipped expression of Nesta’s angular face. Feyre absorbed the info, unsure of what to think. As someone who’d previously taken the medicine, she knew the rules. Every month, same time, the whole drink.

“Did you miss a day?”

“No,” Nesta said. “Well yes. By one day, but Cassian and I hadn’t been together the day I missed it. It shouldn’t matter, I took it the very next morning after the effects expired, and didn’t even have a male to bed the one day I wasn’t protected.”

For the first time in Feyre’s memory, Nesta looked unsure. She wasn’t sure what thoughts were unfurling but she noticed her chest heaving quickly up and down, followed by a tremor through Nesta’s whole body. Tears slipped down her cheeks and broke Feyre’s heart.

Here was her strong, unrelenting sister. The one who’d beheaded the King of Hybern, completed the Blood Rite, and stolen from the Cauldron. She became the picture of undiluted terror.

The need to protect overtook everything else. That spark of power filled Feyre with light, allowing her to take on wings. Her body protested as she tucked Nesta in her arms and took off. Flying wasn’t her strong suit, but she knew she needed to get Nesta far away. That thought propelled her through the sky, pumping past the burning in her shoulders. There would be time once they landed for Nesta to explain exactly what caused such an intense panic.

Feyre flew and flew and Nesta cried and cried for miles until Feyre’s back was protesting so fiercely she worried they’d fall right out of the sky. She spotted a cave tucked in the expanse below. She knew they were headed towards Ramiel. The image of Nesta strong and powerful conquering the Blood. Rite pounded in Feyre’s head. It was early summer, meaning that this year’s Blood rite concluded not long ago, ensuring there would be no rogue Illyrians. Even the monsters seemed to be out of season.

Once they landed, Nesta stood still. She didn’t move or talk or blink. For a moment, Feyre worried she’d been foolish to run away with Nesta. She was out of range to use her Daemati power and she barely knew the area. They had no food, water, or weapons save the dagger Feyre never left home without.

Numbly, without speaking, Nesta shuffled into the nearby cave. Feyre winced as she tucked her wings in tight enough to fit through the mouth of the dwelling.

Watery eyes peered up at Feyre. She was struck by how clearly her sister’s expression reminded her of Nyx. She recognized that vulnerable, innocent sadness that painted her son’s expression after a bad dream now on her sister’s face.

“Nesta,” was all she said as she folded her into her arms. It had been ages since they’d hugged. Nesta’s body was so different since the last time they’d hugged. She was sturdier, with muscle packed on from hours of training with Cassian.

Cassian… he was blind to this. Of his child’s existence, of his mate’s sadness.

Nesta rested in her sister’s arms until the sky turned into a pinkish sunset. She appreciated the silence that Feyre allowed. She appreciated the solid hold around her. She slid her mental shield low enough for Feyre to notice and understand the gratitude.

“Always,” was all Feyre said. “What do you want to do? Immediately, I mean.” Nesta loosed a breath, not ready to face the biggest of her several impending decisions.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to see Cassian.” Feyre’s heart ached for Cass, but she understood that Nesta needed time to think.

“Alright. What should I tell Rhys? He’s been prodding at my shield for hours.”

“I don’t care,” Nesta snapped. In a way, Feyre was glad to see anything but the shell Nesta was sliding into. “Tell him we’re camping. Tell him I’m running away. Tell him nothing for all I care.” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could consider them -- consider that whatever Feyre told Rhysand was what Cassian would be told.

Feyre’s eyes were scanning the blue-gray eyes that mirrored her own. Nesta seemed to be searching for a right answer, but she wasn’t sure there was one.

“Tell him I need space,” she started again. Timidly. Gently. “Tell him I’m questioning my relationship. I needed to leave. That you took me away to stay sober.” The words tasted like acid as they left her lips. She had cried enough today. Weak. She pushed that dark, destructive feeling down until it no longer weighed enough to suffocate her.

Feyre’s jaw hung open. “They’ll never believe that.”

“They will. He will,” Nesta countered, referring to Cassian. “Cassian wanted sex last night and I refused him. He knows it wasn’t normal and he knows I broke my sobriety, he’ll figure staying is a true risk. I’ll need to be away.” She felt her heart tumble towards her stomach and couldn’t bring her gaze to meet Feyre’s.

“I didn’t know,” Feyre whispered. She wasn’t asking for more details, Nesta knew, but it felt right to explain anyway.

“A few weeks ago I drank. It was the first time doing so since I went to train with Cassian. My tolerance was so low. Even after one glass I was tipsy. But there was also euphoria. That drink turned into a second. I don’t even remember how many. My memory turned into blackness. I don’t know how the night ended, but I woke up at home. This was the night I missed taking my tonic. It had expired that night. Cassian wasn’t home.”

The truth of what Nesta was saying sank info Feyre like a stone dropped in water. The panic made sense. If Nesta could have only gotten pregnant on a night when Cassian was gone then that meant…

“It’s not Cassian’s’ child.” Feyre’s heart clenched as she whispered the words aloud. Nesta’s face betrayed none of what she was feeling. “I’ll send Rhys your message.”