#actually probably the first person to be in my house since covid besides me and my mom

[tempe-brennans]

sometimes u just tell ur ocd to shut up and it does

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #168

What was the last liquid that you choked on? Water; I took too big of a sip and it didn't go down well, scared Girt a bit lol.

Did you or have you had sex with the last person you slept with in bed? Not literal genital sex yet, no. We want guaranteed privacy for that and living with parents doesn't offer that much.

When you sign your name do you use your middle name? Not unless it's requested.

Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? I start immediately outside of it, on a towel, but for more space to dry my body I eventually move into the carpeted sink area; the bathroom itself is VERY small, just a shower, tub, and toilet, very claustrophobic, then there's a long sink area with lots of cabinets and even a random closet behind you if facing the sink. It's much more comfortable to finish drying there.

Was your last kiss initiated by you or the other person? I don't remember, we were in bed and a lotta it happened, I dunno who exactly prompted the last one.

Whan getting dressed do you put your pants or shirt on first? Almost always pants first.

Who was the last person you saw totally naked? My boyfriend, I'm sure.

Is your toilet paper on the right or left side of the toilet? Left, for both bathrooms in our house.

Name all the cards that you carry in your wallet. An incredibly expired driver's permit, Covid vaccination card, social security card, insurance card, American Red Cross blood type card, a yellow ribbon suicide prevention card that has a sweet message and then relevant hotlines, and two tattoo artists' personal cards; I've kept them because I kinda wanna collect those by all who tattoo me. Maybe. I'm already missing multiple, so idk.

Do you use a handrail on stairs if there is one? Yes, once upon a time they were basically mandatory for me to stay balanced and I still do feel safer when I'm holding onto it.

What is your favorite drinking game? I've never played one.

Do you have any tattoos that you don't like anymore? Yup. It's a big reason I've gotten MUCH pickier with what I'll allow myself to get tattooed.

Who was the last person to sleep in your bed? Girt, with me.

Do you have a shower curtain or door? Mom's bathroom shower has a door, but the hall shower is curtained.

Who was the last person from your high school graduating class you saw? In person, uhhhhhhhh... I did a quick Facebook friends list scroll and that would be my old friend Tommy, he works at the guitar place where I took my old guitar for pricing advice on selling it. Cool dude and the husband of another friend Rachel.

Favorite farm animal? Either pigs or cows. I kinda think I like cows more nowadays.

Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yes. It's still insane to remember JUST how quickly it hits.

Have any of your friends ever cheated on somebody? I know at least one friend who has.

How many instruments do you own/have you owned? I've owned three: a recorder, flute, and electric guitar. Well, I suppose actually four; me and my sisters had one of those electric keyboards, the kind whose keys would light up red to teach you how to play lots of songs, however we ultimately could've made up our own stuff, though we never did.

Do you own or rent your home? Rent.

If you have a significant other, how old were you when you first met them? 14 or 15?

Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No.

Who is the first person who broke your heart? My dad.

Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? Odds are it will probably be Emerson, my youngest niece.

Do you know anyone with a service dog? I don't believe so.

Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? Girt.

If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? No.

When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex? Over a year ago.

When was the last time you kissed someone who was younger than you? Not since Sara and I were dating.

Would you have sex with someone of the same gender as you? Yeah.

Were you born with hair on your head? Pretty sure yes.

Would you rather have a home birth or hospital birth? I'm going to the fucking hospital and getting an epidural, this is not debatable for me.

Who were your best friends in high school? Summer, Hannia, Alon, Girt, Megan, and Maria. Maybe others, but those are who I remember very well.

Have you ever dated a twin? No.

What was the last food or drink you made for someone else? Last Friday I made my mom a peanut butter sandwich; we were watching my sister's kids and her blood sugar dropped severely and very quickly. This isn't unusual sadly, but it was definitely scarier than what it normally is because she was fighting fainting in front of three little kids that don't at all understand diabetes.

Have you ever auditioned for something? What was it, and how did it go? Yeah, elementary school chorus. I got in. I remember how insanely nervous I was, I've never been the type to sing in front of others.

Have you ever seen your ex’s new partner? If so, what do you think of them? I have no idea who anyone is dating and don't care.

What was the last piece of candy you ate? Uhhhh just a few M&Ms that were left over from something my mom made.

When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? A couple weeks ago Girt and I played more of Spyro 2 from the "Reignited" trilogy. I VERY firmly believe that if you're not hurting anyone, adults engaging in "childish" passtimes isn't even remotely wrong, and the fact that people are shamed for that sorta stuff is just foul. Let people have fun.

Do you believe there used to be dragons? No, I'm quiiiite certain we'd have found fossils by now...

Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Girt and I played some of Elden Ring and also watched the first episode of a Netflix show called The Rain.

Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? My mom and boyfriend, and sometimes still Jason. Honestly most of my dreams feature people I don't know whatsoever or am merely acquaintances with, at least that I remember. I don't often do so anymore when it comes to the people in my dreams.

What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? Talk to Girt or Mom or try to find something to distract myself with on YouTube.

Do you have someone who is protective of you (father, brother, etc.)? Definitely my mom, as well as Girt.

Where was the last place you went, that you hadn’t been to before? The house of I think at least one of Girt's uncles, maybe more though; it was a double-purpose party with a big tent between two houses, and jesus FUCKING christ about ten trillion people were there it felt like, and I know people went into both houses.

When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? Nice timing, I think it'd actually be when I was with Girt's paternal family. The way he, his sister, and mother have described them, I expected to be much more intimidated by them than I was; they were just some redneck as ALL hell type of guys that were super hospitable, friendly, and goofy. I've been told they're VERY unafraid to hurt your feelings and be just painfully honest and know how to hold grudges that they shouldn't have to begin with, but they seemed nice enough.

Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? [TW: DRUG OD/SUICIDE] I tried once, via a suicide hotline's one-on-one chatroom because I was too afraid to physically call on my phone. They were of course busy, and after waiting a pretty long time (I'm talking no less than 30 minutes, pretty sure more) without connecting to anyone, I gave up and overdosed.

Describe the last thing you reblogged? How many posts do you tend to reblog during a day? It was some super cute fanart of Richard and Paul, and this varies quite a lot. I don't aim for a certain number, sometimes your dash is gonna be spammed by me and some days I don't share anything.

Whose house did you visit last? Girt's.

Have you ever played Geoguessr? I personally haven't, but I've seen people play it. It's not a kind of game I would be even remotely good at.

What is your favorite way to eat chicken? As tenders/strips/whatever with whatever dipping sauce I'm feeling at the time.

What style of pizza do you prefer (thin crust, stuffed crust, deep dish, Detroit style, etc)? Pan pizza. Stuffed crust is also good.

Can you see your favorite animal from where you are sitting? (on an article of clothing, a figurine, a stuffed animal, etc...maybe even alive?) Yes indeed, I have a weighted meerkat plush on my desk.

What was the last celebrity gossip you got sucked into? Obviously as a very invested fan of Rammstein I know the dumpster fire that's going on regarding allegations against their singer, and I've kept up with what's going on in concern for all of them since they're all affected by this. I'm just glad it seems to be dying down, there's an investigation going on but they've already said Shelby's "case" is basically non-existent given the lack of immediate evidence, and apparently she doesn't have a great reputation.

Do you own any merch from concerts/comedy shows/broadway shows, etc? I did get a shirt from the Alice Cooper concert, but I'll never fit that again. I of course kept it as a souvenir type thing.

What was the last bug you killed? An ant.

Who is your favorite Star Wars character? I don't care about this franchise whatsoever.

What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches? American.

Who was the last person to give you a gift? Girt got me flowers when I "graduated" from physical therapy.

If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? I'ma be full real... I KNOW I would lmao.

[suneatersupportsquad]

red handed; colby brock

request:  im not sure if you do requests or even any imagines for colby brock anymore but i was wondering if you cold make a exception, so basically the plot is that the reader met colby through kat and since then they hit it off, now their in a secretive relationship the only person who knows is kat but she only knows the reader has a crush on colby. one day everyones hanging out in the same room room and colby is sexting the reader, sams curious to whos hes texting and they find out their dating.

dedication: @whydontweanons​

genre: fluff, subtle smut?

pairing: colby brock x gn!reader

characters: colby brock, sam golbach, katrina stuart, corey scherer, jake webber, kevin langue, brennen taylor, devyn lundy, tara yummy

word count: 1.8k

warnings: alcohol, what would probably be underage drinking, NSFW (barely), sexting (duh), mentions of COVID-19, quarantine

a/n: of course i’ll still write for sam and colby!! it’s just that, since i’m not as active of a follower of them as i used to be, my goal is to write for fandoms that i’m more invested in at the moment. but, honestly, i don’t think i could ever really stop writing for them. i love those boys so much. also this plot made me laugh so hard when i saw it in the best way possible. getting this request honestly made my day, so thank you for that!! anyways, i’m a little rusty, but here we go.

important links: masterlist

find more fics at my new blog @trapboysbunny

You and Colby had known each other for a long time - pretty much since he’d moved to LA with Sam - and you had been involved romantically just as long. You had met him and Sam through Kat on a boring Saturday night when all their friends flaked on coming to a little kickback they were hosting. Trying to be a good friend and cheer the boys up, Katrina had invited you to hopefully kickstart some emotional momentum. Your eyes met Colby’s for the first time and you clicked. Something in your gut had told you that the two of you would end up being close, and it was right. You had hit it off immediately, not taking very long to start laughing at one another’s corny jokes and telling stories over Smirnoff Ice while some random late night show played in the background. From that night on, it was history.

Since then, you two had been practically attached at the hip. If you weren’t sitting on the same room or facetiming, you were definitely texting one another. It became a running joke in your friend group that you two had evolved into a pair of siamese twins, or that being without you gave Colby separation anxiety. The two of you found it even more amusing when you actually began dating, not long after that fateful first night. It amazed the both of you that you were able to hide your relationship so well. No one had a clue. The two of you laughed about it quite often, actually, over late night phone calls and tipsy afternoons spent only with each other. No one knew, and nobody needed to know.

Colby, due to the internet and his fanbase being the way it is, preferred to keep his personal (and especially romantic) relationships more on the private side. His intent wasn’t necessarily to hide his feelings and relationship with you from his friends, but that particular topic of conversation never really came up in your friend group. Everyone had just kind of figured that everyone single would simply date someone when they were ready and tell everybody about it when they felt the time was appropriate. It wasn’t that Colby didn’t want to tell them, he just didn’t see the point in going out of his way to tell all of his friends hey after God knows how long I finally have a partner. He just didn’t want to make a big deal out of your relationship. Knowing his friends, they would definitely make it into some type of big thing, not to mention that Jake would dub the occasion as “cause for celebration” (which was really just an excuse to drink more). So Colby preferred to keep things on the quieter side for you two; neither of you wanted to make your relationship into an object for speculation.

Kat was the only person out of all of your friends to have any knowledge of your feelings for Colby. And thank God for her; if you didn’t have her to gush about Colby to, you probably would have either exploded or died. Or both. And she was there for every single second of it. She loved hearing about your movie nights, your urban exploring adventures, the sweet yet mundane things he would do to make you happy, literally anything. She ate that shit up like a man starved, and you did the same for her and Sam (regardless of the fact that their relationship was public already). You hadn’t told her explicitly about the nature of your relationship with Colby, really just gushed about your ever-growing love for the boy. Unbeknownst to you, she firmly believed that you only had feelings for Colby, clueless to the fact that the two of you had actually been dating for quite a while now. With her “go get ‘em, tiger” comments, along with similar remarks, you assumed that she had some sort of idea about your relationship with Cole, hence why you had never explicitly told her about your secret boyfriend. Kat, being the good friend that she was, never spilled your “secret” feelings to anyone else. Not even her boyfriend.

Eventually, quarantine started up amidst the international COVID-19 pandemic and you had begun practically living with the trap boys. A day without you in the house was enough to prompt concern for the boys, minus Colby who always knew the real reason why you weren’t coming over. This soon became the new normal, you taking a “day off” every few weeks to get tested just in case. At this point, it was almost comical that no one had figured out you two were dating yet.

One particular weekend afternoon, everyone in your friend group was hanging out at the house. You and Colby were sitting on opposite sides of the room, you next to Kat and Colby seated beside Sam. It was particularly warm today seeing as this Saturday landed smack in the middle of the infamous August heat wave, so you had thrown on a tank top and some shorts, nothing to flashy. Colby had dressed similarly, wearing only a muscle tee and a pair of trunks.

You were sat beside Kat, the both of you trying to listen to the story Devyn was telling. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t ignore the way your boyfriend was staring at you from across the room. You looked away from Dev for just a second to shoot him a glare when you realize exactly why he’s looking at you. The speed at which the blood rushes to your face is dizzying, and you drop your head to stare at your lap. Motherfucker- You sigh as you pull your phone out of your pocket. “Quit it with the blowjob eyes asshole,” you type before pressing the blue send button.

You feel his gaze break as his phone vibrates. Trying to ignore him, you refuse to meet his gaze again, putting all of your effort into focusing on Devyn’s story. Seconds later your phone vibrates in your pocket. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the screen reads, and you shake your head.

“Uh huh sure ok.” You pressed send again.

Another few seconds passed and your phone vibrated again. “That shirt looks really good on you.” 

You blushed as you read the message, flustered by the comment. Brows knitting together in confusion, you looked up to find him staring back at you with a dopey grin. You hunched over your phone and sent a message back. “You really think so?”

“Yeah, of course,” Colby replied, a gray typing bubble sitting under the message. “But you know how it would look cuter?”

You cocked your head to the side and typed out your response. “How?”

“On my bedroom floor.” You almost snorted at that, clamping a hand over your mouth to prevent any noise from escaping. Typical. Thankfully no one had been paying enough attention to you to notice that you were distracted.

Colby, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. “Give me this, dude,” Sam said, snatching the phone out of Colby’s hand and effectively bringing the conversation on their side of the room to a halt. “You haven’t been listening for like the past 20 minutes, dude. Now let’s see what’s got you so distracted.”

“You don’t need to look at that, Sam, it’s not that important-” The tall brunette sounded slightly panicky as he reached and grappled with Sam for his phone. Sam played around for a little bit before finally reading the screen, eyes widening in amusement.

Upon finishing his reading, Sam lowered the phone and Colby relaxed, already knowing that he was caught. “So who’s ‘angelcakes,’ huh Colbert?” Sam prodded teasingly.

Colby blushed ever so slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. “They’re just a friend-”

“Which friend, huh?” Sam continued his teasing, growing louder and louder with every response until all eyes were on the two boys.

Colby shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but looking more stressed than ever in actuality. “Just a friend.”

“What do you say we call this friend, huh boys?” Sam suggested.

Kevin nodded, agreeing. “I think we definitely should.” Brennen also nodded when Sam looked to him for approval, essentially finalizing the decision.

“Okay then, let’s do this thing!” Sam yelled, earning cheers from all the other curious folks in the room. The blonde boy pressed call and Colby simply held his face in his hands.

You jumped when your phone rang, honestly having forgotten that oh shit, I’m angelcakes. Everyone turned to look at you curiously, Colby even peeking through his fingers. You didn’t even pick up the device, already knowing whose name would be lighting up the screen. “You gonna pick that up or something?” Corey asked awkwardly.

You shook your head, leaving your phone face down in its spot beside your thigh. “No, it’s probably not important anyways.”

A beat of heavy silence passed before Tara spoke. “Gee, they sure aren’t giving up. Maybe you should answer it.”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s just-”

“Yeah, you should answer the phone, Y/N,” Jake agreed, the pieces seeming to click in his head.

You sighed, burning bright red to the tips of your ears. “Okay okay, fine.” You stood and clicked the answer button. “Hello?”

And there it was, your voice echoing from Colby’s phone. The room erupted in cheers of disbelief, the boys pouncing on Colby and the girls slapping you in playful excitement. “I knew there was something going on between you two!! There’s no way there couldn’t have been -- I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Kat squealed, smushing you in a hug.

The rest of the girls echoed the sentiment, a chorus of ‘same’s and ‘I can’t believe you’s. It took a while for everyone to calm down but, once everyone settled, you and Cole managed to get some alone time. The two of you escaped out back, the less than mediocre breeze cooling the sweat that slicked your skin. You held each other, almost as though you were about to start slow dancing. “Damn, caught red handed, huh?”

You laughed breathily, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. “It was only a matter of time, ya know?”

“I know,” he agreed, cheek pressing against your hair. “I’m glad we don’t have to be weird around them anymore.”

“Me too,” you hummed.

Colby pulled away a little bit, just enough for him to look you in the eyes, your arms still around his neck. “Hey.”

You giggled, confused. “Hey.”

“I love you.”

You smiled your confirmation, eyes twinkling under the cheap backyard lights. “I love you.”

.x

[supernovanim]

Neighbours Part 3

Some people found my stuff and read it! And in celebration of that, here’s the third and final part. It’s a bit longer as I was enjoying writing. In personal news, I still have no job but had an interview this morning that went well. And my driving instructor got Covid so now I have to quarantine. Fun times!

Read Part 1 and Part 2 first

Summary: Dylan annoys you so you decide to torture him for a bit. Then hot stuff happens. The End.

Pairing: Female Reader x Dylan O’Brien

Warnings: Smut. Voyeurism. Actual boning.

Word count: 2,622

Working from home wasn’t as fun as you’d initially hoped. Once you’d got over the novelty of being able to wear whatever you wanted, and decided pyjamas weren’t helpful to productivity, it was pretty much like normal work just with more video calls. You’d set up your home office in a corner of the living room next to the wide doors to the garden. Well away from potential distractions in the kitchen.

Speaking of which, you’d got some messages from Dylan

I’m bored, can I come over?

No, I’m working

Please? I’m so bored. Let me come over, I promise I won’t distract you.

Liar. You’d be a terrible distraction and you know it. I’m sure you can amuse yourself somehow.

You firmly set your phone aside and turned back to your laptop, losing yourself in the project. It wasn’t exactly scintillating, but you got into the flow of writing and didn’t look back up until almost lunchtime.

Now to grab some food. Maybe with a side dish of hot neighbour watching. You looked down at your outfit – as your AC was still bust you’d gone for very short denim cutoffs and a tiny vest top. You genuinely hadn’t worn it to tease Dylan, but there was no harm in having a little fun.

You sidled into the kitchen half hoping he wouldn’t notice, and headed straight for the fridge. No sooner had you got it open and were reaching for some salad when your phone rang.

“Have you finished work now?” Dylan pleaded

You closed the fridge door and looked up at his house, where he was standing wearing basketball shorts and no shirt, looking deliciously dishevelled.

“Not really” you responded sadly “I’ve got time for lunch, then I’ve got a zoom call, and I’m on a deadline”

“How much time for lunch?” he asked contemplatively, one eyebrow raised

“Not enough time for you to come over. Don’t even tempt me, seriously”

“No, no…that’s not what I was thinking, honest” he explained quickly, running one hand through his hair. “But...but maybe we could have a repeat of earlier? That outfit’s great. You look…great”

“Thanks” you grinned “But I’m only wearing it becau-“

Dammit. You were interrupted by another call on your cell.

“I’m really sorry Dylan, I’ve got to take this call it’s work” you blurted out, switching calls and shooting him an apologetic look through the glass.

“Hey Y/N. Sorry for the late notice but we really need to go over some stuff before the video call”. It was your boss, in a pretty typical bit of awful timing.

“Sure. OK, what’s up?” you replied, hoping you didn’t sound too annoyed.

As you lent back against the fridge and listened to your boss go over a million tiny points that really didn’t need to be discussed right now, you looked back up at where Dylan was at his window, rolling your eyes.

He looked irritated. He lent his forehead against the window in exasperation, visibly exhaling. You knew how he felt – bored, annoyed and turned on. You tried to focus on your boss’s voice to distract you from imagining licking the mole below Dylan’s left ear.

You saw him shift his weight a little and open an eye to look at you. A small smile played across his lips as one of his hands moved towards the waistband of his shorts. You frowned – this really wasn’t the time. But his hand kept moving down, until you could see the outline of his fingers palming against the growing bulge in his shorts. He looked back up at you and winked.

“Shit. Oh, sorry Karen I didn’t mean you” you hastily told your boss, turning away from the window “I…um…knocked something over. I’ll need to clean it up – can I call you back?”

“Don’t be long Y/N – this is important!”

You hung up and turned back to look at Dylan. You were seriously annoyed, but he just looked smug. You saw him reach for his cellphone again and ring you back.

“That was completely unacceptable” you snapped “That was my boss! I can’t believe you tried that”

“Oh come on, Y/N. It was just a little fun…you looked bored”

“Just because you don’t have to work right now doesn’t mean I can be available whenever you want me. It’s fucked up Dylan. I’ve got to go ring my boss back – I don’t want to talk to you any more”

And with that you hung up, turning on your heel and marching out of the kitchen without a backward glance. It felt good, for now at least.

_____

You tortured Dylan for two full days, ignoring his messages and calls.

You walked around your kitchen in tiny outfits, purposefully not looking out the window. When it got dark you walked around in just your favourite underwear, licking icecream from a spoon.

You wore your tightest yoga pants and took your mat out by the small pool, pretty certain you could be seen from Dylan’s deck doing downward dog. The crashing sound of someone walking into a sun lounger confirmed this.

You got a delivery of new sex toys and underwear and opened the package on your kitchen counter, holding the large rabbit vibrator up to inspect it thoughtfully. You don’t think you imagined the muffled “goddammit!” that came from next door.

After two days you thought he’d probably got the message. Besides, the vibrator wasn’t really enough. You threw on your favourite short red summer dress, walked into your kitchen and called him back.

He answered on the first ring “Y/N! I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. It won’t happen again, promise”

He appeared at the window looking suitably contrite.

“It better not Dylan. What do you want from me?”

“This isn’t about what I want. It’s about what you want. What would you like me to do? What do you…like?”

“Hmm. Good question. Firstly, I like you with no shirt on”

“Done” he answered quickly, almost dropping the phone in his haste to pull his shirt over his head. You admired the way his lean arm muscles flexed as he reached to catch it.

“Since you asked nicely, I’ll tell you. I like lots of things. I like imagining licking that mole under your left ear”

His hand came up to rub at the spot unconsciously, as his ears turned pink.

“I like being kissed passionately. I like being pressed up against walls and held. I like my neck being sucked on while I grind up against a guy’s thigh.”

He closed his eyes and you heard a low groan

“I like my wrists being pinned above my head. I like my clothes being ripped off. I like my nipples being touched. Um…”

“Go on. Tell me Y/N, tell me what else you like”

You took a deep shaky breath

“I like fingers in me... I like fingers inside me and a mouth on my clit, tasting me. And then I like being fucked really hard – being pressed into mattresses or bent over counters or…”

His eyes shot open and looked at you “God…fuck that sounds so good. Please…please let me do that. Let me come over. I could make you feel so good, the whole neighbourhood would hear you scream my name” his voice was soft and low. “C’mon Y/N, you know you want to”

You ran a hand down the front of your dress slowly, enjoying the way the fabric brushed against your skin. Across the way you saw Dylan’s eyes darken with lust. You felt powerful, reckless, and very, very turned on.

Fuck it. “Alright, but be quick before I change my mind”

You giggled as Dylan scrambled away from the window, almost tripping up in his haste.

“Agh, I’ll only be a minute. Got to put shoes on” he babbled.

“You’ve got 5 minutes to get here before I start without you” you instructed, hanging up the phone and leaving the kitchen.

Just a few minutes later you heard a tap on your front door. Opening it you were confronted with a slightly out of breath Dylan, shirt on inside out.

“That was pretty qui..” you started, but were stopped by his lips meeting yours, backing you up hard against the hallway wall as the door slammed behind him. His body pressed fully against yours as his hands tangled in your hair.

You moaned, parting your lips as he slipped his tongue in between them. You could feel his hard length pressing into your thigh already as he pinned you to the wall. He moved his lips to your neck, sucking gently on a spot just under your ear that made you moan even louder.

“You sound so sexy right now” he murmured against your skin “wonder what other sounds I can get you to make”

His hands moved downwards, lifting your dress and running along your thighs. His long fingers brushed gently against the outside of your underwear, and you felt yourself bucking your hips towards him, desperate for more contact. Slowly he hooked his fingers underneath the waistband and pulled your panties down your legs and off, throwing them to one side.

Kneeling in front of you he lifted your dress and licked his lips slowly, looking up at you.

“You look pretty wet already, Y/N. Been thinking about this?”

You nodded and swallowed hard, too desperate to form full sentences. “Yes. Please”

“Please what?” he smirked

“Please lick me, taste me, fuck me. Anything, just do something please Dylan” you gasped frantically

He smiled and brought his face towards your core, and you felt him delicately lick a stripe across your slit, causing your legs to shake slightly as you lent against the wall.

Placing his hands behind your knees he hooked your legs over his shoulders, positioning himself between them and pressing you up the wall. You ran your hands through his scruffy hair, tugging slightly and eliciting a low sound from him as his mouth returned to pleasuring you. He continued to lick and suck, his tongue quickly moving across your clit as a tingling sensation started to spread across your body. Another moan left your mouth as you felt the warmth pooling in your belly.

Slowly you felt one of his fingers at your entrance, then two, pulsing in and out slowly.

“So, so good. Going to...g-going to” you stuttered, and he sped up his movements, sucking on your clit and twisting his fingers slightly.

“Cum for me Y/N, want your pretty pussy soaking before I fuck you” he growled, the vibrations from his words tipping you over the edge as you came hard, crying out his name, vision blurring.

Carefully he unhooked your legs and stood up, moving his body against yours. You could taste yourself on his lips as he kissed you deeply. It turned you on even more, as you felt your arousal on the inside of your thighs.

Desperately you tugged at the hem of his shirt, wanting to touch him, feel him against you. He pulled it over his head and you placed your hands on his chest, feeling the warm skin under the pads of your fingertips.

He continued to kiss your neck as his fingers fiddled with the buttons on the front of your dress, becoming frustrated. With only two buttons undone he let out an exasperated sigh and tore at the fabric instead, popping the buttons off the front and leaving your bra exposed.

“hey, this is my favourite dress” you scolded, but he distracted you by kissing down the swell of your breasts and pushing the fabric of your bra down.

“I’ll make it up to you, promise. Christ, these are lovely” he sighed, as he attached his lips to one nipple and bit softly. It felt so good, you forgot entirely about the dress and tipped your head back, breathing out in satisfaction.

“Dylan...maybe we should take this to the bedroom”

“Yeah, the problem with that is if I’m not inside you within the next 5 minutes, things are going to get very messy”

You gasped at his words and moved your hands underneath his waistband, gripping his length. He hissed as you moved your thumb across the tip.

His eyes closed as he breathed deeply. “See what I mean – careful now”

“Been thinking about this, Dylan?” you looked at him teasingly. “Been thinking about fucking me?”

“God yes, I’ve not stopped thinking about it since that night you walked into your kitchen in that damn sexy underwear. Can’t stop thinking about it. Pretty much been hard ever since”

“Well maybe we should do something about that then”. And you unbuttoned his shorts and pushed them down slightly, his cock springing free.

You continued to palm him with your hand until he grabbed your wrist “t-told you to be careful, you keep going like that I’m definitely going to ruin your dress”

He raised your wrist above your head and pinned it there with one hand, reaching into the pocket of his shorts with the other and removing a small foil package. He ripped it open with his teeth and rolled the condom down his length, positioning himself at your entrance.

As he slid slowly into you his lips met yours, and you both moaned at the feeling. His length filled you up, pressing against all the sensitive spots on your walls. Once he was fully in he stilled, waiting for you to adjust. You shifted slightly against the wall, letting him hold you up. Once you’d got used to him you nodded, bucking your hips to encourage him to move.

Slowly he slid in and out of you, positioning himself to hit just right. You felt weightless, everything centred on the feeling of his movements as he thrust in and out.

You tangled your hand in his hair and brought your mouth to his ear. “Harder, Dyl”

He groaned and moved faster, slamming your back against the wall though you barely felt the pain. You hooked one leg up around his hip, deepening his access. He was hitting that sweet spot inside you and you felt a tingle begin at your toes and your walls start to clench.

“Fuck, you’re so tight” he choked out, his movements starting to become sloppy “I-I’m so close already”

He snaked a hand between your bodies and found your clit with his thumb, rubbing over the sensitive nub. The coil within you started to tighten again and your toes curled. Oh god, it felt so good and you wanted the feeling to go on forever, but as he bit softly at a spot just below your ear you felt yourself come apart

“Yes, yes, there, god don’t stop Dylan, yes!”

As your walls clenched around him you felt him tense and release, filling the condom and crying your name against your neck. Your combined moans filled the small hallway.

Slowly you came back down to earth and you felt him slip out of you, sighing at the feeling of loss. Your hands tangled in his hair again as he pressed a kiss to your damp forehead.

“That was incredible. So much better than drinking beer on my own. Thanks for letting me come over. Eventually”

“My pleasure” you smirked. “Do you want a drink or something now?”

“Oh no, I’m barely getting started. First I’m going to fuck you over your kitchen counter like I’ve been thinking of for the last few days. Then we might make it to the bedroom”

You smiled “I like the sound of that very much”

“Good to hear” he smiled, as he hooked your legs around his waist and picked you up. “Welcome to the neighbourhood”

THE END

If you liked this fic, please reblog - it helps people find it (even if you don’t have many followers! Its an algorithm thing i think, tumblr will put it higher in the tags)

[geekkatsblog]

Grey's Season 17x8 review

I'm kinda late but I haven't been sleeping lately so I finally managed to catch up with the episode today.

I'm still in shock from last weeks episode honestly but let's go. First I'm expressing my disappointment on the lack of Carina, she's a series regular on Grey's but all her scenes were on Station 19, I wish they would have brought Maya to Grey's just so I could feel good about seeing them cash in their regulars card. Then Deluca was laid to rest, another heart breaker seeing that they had just opened the realms of possibility for him and storylines but they just killed him off instead.

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Teddy

Teddy the biggest storyline at this point besides the funeral. At last we get to see what's really going on. Teddy hasn't been looking herself for a long time and it seems like Deluca's death was the breaking point for her, she was so scarred she didn't even want to wean Meredith off of the vent and when things are affecting your decisions as a doctor and not for the better, it's not a good sign. We'll get to see more of the storyline next week which honestly I'm excited to see. She managed to make me feel for her because despite everything she's done she's still the same old attachment barbie under there. I'm just glad Owen was able to put aside their differences and pick her up bridal side to take her home. The only thing I'm hoping is that it actually happens to be what the trailer was suggesting and not another Denny and Izzie situation because enough of the Grey Sloan doctors have had cancer and I'm definitely hoping that hey end the love triangle between her Owen and Tom or the better scenario in my opinion is let her get some space to breath and deal with healing without the pressures of relationship added to it.

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Meredith

Meredith honey, I'm gonna need you to take several feet away from Mc Dreamy, your kids and the hospital need you and you're getting a little too close to him for comfort. On that note I was once again glad to see Patrick Dempsey bless my screen as Derek Shepherd and it was as always a treat. When he talked about the kids, I'm so glad he knows about Ellis and they got to have several deep chats, so much so that I almost fell into the trap of wanting them to touch. She took a breath on her own which makes it seem as though she's improving but I don't want to get my hopes up and then have them trampled again like in the situation with Deluca waking up after surgery and then Meredith waking up only to end up on a vent in the same day.

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Bailey

I'm so glad that she's taking some time off. She's been running on empty since her mother died and she was beginning to remind me of the time with when she tested herself over and over again for staph with how obsessed she was about Deluca's autopsy, however with the amount of her fellow doctors she's lost its understandable plus Meredith the only one of her residents left is still on life support. If it wasn't for Richard she would have done some serious damage especially to Teddy who already was on edge. She definitely doesn't handle trauma well but besides Richard and Meredith she has experienced the most trauma. She's been through a lot and sometimes I think I tend to forget that.

And at least we got to see that small scene between her and Ben at the end so that was a plus.

___________________________________________

Richard

Is still holding up the walls of the hospital. It must be so hard for him to keep his faith with all he has been through, like I said before him, Meredith and Bailey have been through hell and back so I can definitely understand him feeling a little lost and losing his faith. However he didn't let that affect his keeping the Grey Sloan family together. I'm glad him and Catherine managed to make up because both of his support people are going through things of their own (Meredith and Bailey) so I was glads that she was able to be there for him and he didn't have to consider the thought of alchohol because that would just be too much at this point.

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Amelia and Link

Are doing really well right now as a couple, which scares me because whenever something seems to be going too well for a couple they throw a storm at them and I'm not ready to see their happy bubble burst just yet.

And Amelia has grown a lot her talking to Zola, she just said the right things. Mother hood as really changed her for the better. And does anyone else really want to see the letters that Zola wrote for Derek?

Link however felt the pressures of taking care of 4 kids constantly and I can understand I help out with my niece sometimes and by the end I want to pull my hair out and sleep in a corner for a week, farless 3 kids and a baby, I'm surprised he lasted so long.

Link headed to Jo's house in the middle of whatever agreement Jackson and Jo have going and got drunk. What I really liked about it though was that he went home afterwards and when he did Amelia didn't judge or yell she just talked to him and then hugged him which was amazing. They have a level of communication on the show that most of the other couples lack and it just works so well for them.

___________________________________________

Jo and Jackson

Jackson discovered just how much of a close friendship Link and Jo have and at some point he almost seemed as if he was jealous. Let the complications begin ladies and gentlemen. Plus there is the apparent potential of Dr Haynes turning it into a triangle. I guess one triangle dies to form another 🙄 and let's just say I'm not too excited for it.

Jo allowed herself to get drunk and vent which in my opinion was a step forward atleast. She hasn't really gotten the time to grieve over Alex because suddenly Covid happened and she was swamped with work. I'm just hoping that she does so that she won't accidentally sabotage any upcoming happiness she may have with someone else she needs to heal.

___________________________________________

Maggie and Winston

Poor Winston, he really doesn't know what he's signing up for by joining Grey Sloan does he 😭? Although I noticed last week he seemed to be getting the picture when Link was talking about Meredith and Derek. On the other hand seeing him with the kids was adorable, and he managed to give everyone some time to themselves without the kids which was a very big contribution. He's reminding me of a Ben which in no way is a bad thing. Go on Maggie get it.

Maggie was also devastated and shocked by Deluca as we all were and I'm so sad how their slowly but surely introducing her to the traumas of Grey's. She literally is the only pure one left and now she has to go through all the trials of the hospital until she's dark and twisty. I hope not though she's the only cheerful non broken one left on the show.

___________________________________________

Owen

Is about to have his hands full by next episode. He really is beginning to redeem himself after all Teddy did to him the whole episode he spent trying to make her feel better about Deluca and then picked her up to carry her home which confirmed my theory of it was always going to be Owen for Teddy, it was always Owen and Teddy even when she was married to ....... Henry 😭. I hope this will be the end of the over worked love triangle and they'll finally be able to move on especially Tom who deserves it.

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Haynes

Is utterly smitten with Meredith's children and was begging her to wake up and fight and surprise, surprise she took her first breath on her own. Honestly out of all the potential suitors for her which really isn't much considering one of them has now joined Derek as a permanent member of the beach, Haynes isn't a bad choice, I'm beginning to actually ship them. But then Krista said she was sensing a potential triangle with Jo, Jackson and Haynes and I hope not. I'm tired of the triangular pyramid of Grey Sloan love triangles. Just once I would like a relationship to be straight forward. They killed Deluca and the Teddy one is coming to an end, no need for another.

___________________________________________

Tom

Is still recovering from Covid and he seems to be going to live, a plus in the series so far.

___________________________________________

Levi and Nico

Are slowly getting closer, but I'm not rooting for anyone until Nico apologizes and they have an actual conversation about what happened without their clothes ending on the floor.

___________________________________________

Helm

Also was having a hard time coping and dealing with a bit of guilt about her over ambitious surgery hungry self. She actually reminds me of Cristina in a way, which is why I want Tom to be her teacher I really think their personalities will bounce well off of each other, especially in the episode where she had to check on Tom when he had Covid.

___________________________________________

Questions

• What's going on with Teddy? Owen said in the trailer he sees it in soldiers a lot but Grey's has a knack for reusing plots and her seeing Deluca is giving major Denny Izzie vibes, plus there's the chance that if it really is a brain tumor they'll pin all her recent choices on the tumor.

• Will someone tell Meredith they're are beaches in the real world as well, sure Derek won't be there and it probably wont be as peaceful but all I know is she needs to wake to hell up.

• What's going on between Jo and Jackson will they become more? Will they add Haynes to the mix?

• And most importantly when will Carina finally be seen in the Grey Sloan hospital? I need more Dr Carina.

[vintagedolan]

cross country (gbd)

description: when you get stuck in california during quarantine with a dwindling lease at the dolan’s house, grayson wants nothing more than for you to get to new jersey with him

word count: 4.5k

warnings/tags: fluff, this is literally um the softest thing i’ve written???, quarantine/COVID, grayson spoiling Y/N, you get the picture hehe

feel free to send in requests! i’ll write most things! hope you enjoy, send me some feedback and I’ll give you my eternal love :)

You never wanted to lift another box in your whole life, that was for damn sure. There was sweat running down your forehead as you lifted the next one, carrying the cardboard all the way through the house into the living room, which was becoming a huge pile of everything that the twins had acquired over their years in LA. 

The plan was simple: the boys were going home to jersey to see their mom before the quarantine got too serious, and then they were coming right back because they needed to find a place in LA, seeing that their lease was ending. 

Well, needless to say, that plan had gone to absolute shit. And that meant you were thousands of miles away from Grayson, and had three days before you would be homeless. 

Lovely. 

The nice thing about it was that you didn’t have much time to mope - since the boys were still in jersey, all the packing was left up to you. And while you were efficient, it didn’t mean it wasn’t a lot of fucking work. 

You went back into Ethan’s room, getting another box of clothes. As you walked, your phone vibrated in the pocket on the side of your leggings. You knew who it was, but you waited until you got to the living room and sat the box down to answer it. 

A facetime from Grayson. That brightened your mood considerably. 

When you swiped over, you immediately relaxed a bit at the sight of his face. His hair was getting so long during quarantine, and it was pushed back with a headband he’d borrowed from his mom, no doubt. He was in a tshirt, which was different than the rest of the times he’d called you. Which was about ten times a day.

“Hey baby,” you smiled at him, catching your breath as you walked back to your shared room. As much as you wanted to sit down and relax and talk to your boyfriend, there wasn’t enough time for all that.  

“You look exhausted,” was the first thing he said. 

“Wow, thank you so much, love you too,” you teased. 

“You look beautiful, you know that’s not what I meant. I’m just saying that-”

“I’m kidding Gray. And before you start worrying for the hundredth time today, I’m fine,” you reminded him as you pulled out a dresser drawer you shared, beginning to transfer the clothes into yet another box. He watched you work with sad eyes, and you knew what was coming before he said it.

“I feel like shit that you’re doing all this work.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do.”

“Would you do it for me? If you were stuck across the country in my house-”

“Our house,” he corrected. You couldn’t tell if he was referring to sharing with you or with Ethan, or both, but you kept going regardless.

“Okay, stuck in our house, and I needed to pack it all up, would you do it for me?”

He hesitated, and you knew he didn’t have a good response to that.

“That’s different,” was his only comeback, and you laughed a bit.

“Bullshit. You’re just mad because I’m gonna have to wear all your clothes cause none of mine will fit over my new muscles,” you joked, flexing your scrawny arms. You knew you looked dumb, but it got the laugh out of Grayson that you were hoping for, and that’s all that mattered.

“Right, you act like you don’t just wear my clothes all the time anyways. I’m not even sure you have any clothes of your own,” he teased, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh really? I could have sworn these were mine.” You dug around the drawer, finding a particularly nice pair of lace panties, holding them up to the screen. He groaned, falling out of screen for a moment. It took a second for you to realize he’d fallen back on the bed. 

“You don’t play fair,” he said once he moved his phone back to his face. “I miss you so fuckin’ much, you have no idea.” 

You were pretty sure you had an idea. This was now week four without seeing him in person, and it was actually awful. You’d known it would suck, but you didn’t think it would hurt to be away from him. And you were doing everything you both could - facetime dates, phone calls, texting, he’d even written a letter to you. But there was just something about being in his arms, hearing his laugh without the distortion of a phone speaker, waking up next to him; it couldn’t be replaced. 

Which meant you needed to mention your plan. 

“I wanna come to jersey,” you started.

“You know I would kill to have you here baby, you know that.”

“Grayson, the lease is ending. I think that counts as a reason for emergency travel. I mean, I’m technically gonna be homeless,” you reminded him. “And I know I can stay with Shane, or with Jeffree.” They had been nice enough to offer. Hell, Jeffree was letting the boys store everything at his house, even the cars. “But I wanna be with you.” 

“I don’t want you on a plane. You could get sick.”

“I won’t fly. I’ll take the van. I mean, that’s why you built it, isn’t it?” 

“Y/N...”

“I know, it seems crazy. But if I split it up into three days, I could do it. I’d be careful at gas stations, pack up enough food to last me. You know I can drive for forever, I could probably pull 15 hours or so a day, that would get me back pretty quick, and I’d be safe.”

“Safe,” he breathed, shaking his head. “Y/N, I was sketched out sleeping in that thing with two other grown men with me. The thought of you sleeping in there, alone in some parking lot...” he trailed off. “No. It’s too risky.”

“Gray-”

“Baby I want you here more than anything. Not knowing when I’m gonna see you again is actually killing me, but I’m not putting you at risk over that.”

“Okay, well, let’s compromise then. What would make you feel safer about it?” 

“You not doing it,” he said bluntly.

“Be serious babe.”

“You sleeping alone out there. I know you’d be fine with the driving, but I’m not okay with you sleeping in the van by yourself.”

“Okay...” you paused for a minute, trying to think of a solution. “Okay, what if I drove at night, and then I slept during the day? Less people on the roads, and I think we’d both feel safer if I was sleeping during the daylight. Would that work?” 

“That’s better. I still don’t love it. I’m not trying to be difficult, I just, I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he mumbled, picking at the fabric on his blanket.

“I know that baby, to be honest the thought of sleeping in there alone scares me a little bit too. But I’m willing to do it if it means I get to see you.” 

Grayson was silent for a while. You knew he was fighting with himself, and that he probably felt selfish for even considering giving in. But you also knew, deep down, you were going to do it no matter how much he protested. So you were glad when he finally conceded with a simple “I love you”. 

Now, with the realization that you were going to see him in just a few days, your motivation was renewed ten fold, and you got to work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

night one

You would have thought it wouldn’t be hard to get to sleep after the day you’d had. 

You were wrong.

The furniture had been moved out - Jeffree had been nice enough to hire a few movers to come get the furniture and the cars. Now, the house lay empty besides your bags that would go with you in the van, and you couldn’t wait to get on the road. Correction; you couldn’t wait to get to Grayson. The thought of seeing him again gave you butterflies. 

Once everything was done and final, you drug a few of the cushions out of the bed in the van, bringing them into the air conditioning so you could try to snag a few hours of sleep. 

While you managed to get a bit of rest, it was mostly futile. The quicker you got on the road, the quicker you’d get to jersey.

So with that, you packed up the van with all the food and snacks you had, reassembled the bed, tossed your bag in and climbed in the drivers seat.

I’m leaving, see you so soon!!!!!! you sent to Grayson, not being able to contain your excitement. 

4pm is not a night drive... he responded quickly.

shut up im excited BE EXCITED

you know i’m excited. be careful, I’ll call you in a little while x

With that, you drove out of the driveway for the last time, with New Jersey in the GPS. 

And the drive wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Grayson called you around 7pm to check on you and keep you company. You ate the sandwich you’d made as the sun set, and you continued down the road. It was peaceful if you were honest, and the van drove so nicely - Grayson really had done a good job. 

Although he tried to stay up, Grayson’s snoring took over around 11pm (2am jersey time you reminded yourself), so you hung up and starting blasting some of your favorite tunes to keep you alert and awake. Not having any traffic was a bonus, and you were amazed with the progress you were making. By the time the sun came up, you were already in Colorado. You resorted to driving until around ten, which landed you about at the border of Nebraska after a whopping 18 hours. You pulled into a non-sketchy looking parking lot, relieved that you’d found one.

I’m stopping to sleep for a few hours. I love you!

You sent it and started rummaging around in your bag, finding your toothbrush, toothpaste and pajamas. You brushed your teeth outside using your water bottle, changing in the car and cuddling up in bed. The bedding smelled a bit like the boys, which was comforting. Just as you started the settle down, your phone rang, Grayson’s contact photo popping up. You swiped over to open it, happy to see his face. 

“Hey baby, I was just about to get some sleep actually,” you said. And now that you had laid down, you realized how tired you truly were.

“I know. I’ll mute my side so I don’t keep you up, but I’ll be here in case you need me,” he said casually.

“Grayson you don’t have to-”

“I want to. It’ll make me feel better, knowing someone is watching out for you while you’re asleep.” 

It was so sweet that you started to tear up, so you just buried your face in the pillow instead.

“I love you.”

“I love you too baby, get some sleep.”

And you did.

-------------------------------------------------------------

night two

You woke up around five, fully refreshed - other than feeling like you needed a shower. You stretched out before getting up and heading to brush your teeth. When you got back in the van you got changed into some of the clothes you brought, happy to have on something fresh.

“That’s my hoodie.” The male voice startled you and you squealed, covering yourself.

“Baby it’s just me! It’s me!” It took you a minute to realize that it was Grayson speaking to you from your phone, which also was pointed where he could see you.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!” You huffed, pulling the fabric over your head.

“Sorry, I was just enjoying the show,” he blushed, smirking at you a bit. You rolled your eyes, but giggled with him as you climbed into the drivers seat once again, pulling out the dinner you had packed, deciding to eat a bit before getting back on the road. 

“I can’t wait to see you,” Grayson sighed. You looked at your screen closely and realized he was in his workshop.

“I’ll be there so soon. Now, go build some stuff, I’m all safe and awake now. I love you,” you smiled, knowing he would never be the first to hang up. 

“Okay baby. Drive safe, call me if you get bored.” 

“I will, love you!” 

And so you took off, heading through Nebraska. The states seemed to be getting quicker now as you passed through Iowa, then Illinois, and even Indiana. Grayson called, and even Ethan kept you company for a few hours on the drive, making it go by fast. By the time you got to Ohio, the sun was high in the sky and you realized you actually weren’t that far from jersey. Only another seven hours, and if you kept driving, it would put you at their house around 7pm. You thought about the cold brew that you’d stashed in the fridge in case you’d struggled through the nights.

You could use it, and you could make it. In all honesty, you weren’t even that tired as the excitement started to mount. 

But you also knew that Grayson would rather you just sleep, and that he was going to call you again. So, you had to hatch a plan. 

You pulled into a nice looking parking lot, prepared to set it into motion.

You changed into your pajama shirt, taking your hair out of it’s bun so it looked like you were getting ready to go to bed. Taking a deep breath, you facetimed Gray.

“Is it bedtime?” was how he answered, making you laugh. He was in the kitchen at home, making lunch you were sure.

“Yeah, I made some good progress! I should be getting in around 8am or so tomorrow morning,” you explained, hoping he couldn’t see through you. 

“I can’t wait. I’m gonna pamper you so hard for all the work you did, that’s a promise.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words.

“I can’t wait. But I’ve got sad news.”

He perked up at that, putting down the spatula he was using.

“My phone is kinda low on battery, so I don’t think we can facetime tonight. I don’t want it to be dead in the morning, and I can’t run the van,” you sighed, faking sadness. 

“Are you in a safe area?” 

“Yeah, I feel totally safe here. See, look.” You turned the phone around, showing him the lot you were in. 

He wasn’t happy about it you could tell, but he trusted you. And thinking about how excited he would be made you feel less bad about your white lie. 

“Well, okay. Just text me when you wake up okay? I love you.”

“Love you more!”

“Doubtful. Get some rest,” he smiled, hanging up. 

“Ha!” you exclaimed to yourself, smiling and fist pumping the air. Wow. You really were going crazy after being alone so long. You climbed in the driver’s seat again, pulling the cold brew out of the fridge and popping it open as you started to drive again. 

At first you were so excited that it felt like time was flying, but by the last few hours it was dragging by. The sun set, and the kiss of dusk was hanging over the trees as you got closer and closer. 

But when the GPS changed from hours to minutes, and the roads changed from interstates to back roads, you were fully awake once again. You’d actually managed to pull off almost 24 hours of straight driving. When you pulled into the driveway, there was a gate and armed security - the same ones that the boys had hired in LA.

“Hey guys, I’m early, I’m here to surprise Gray,” you explained. They were sweet like usual and happily let you through, closing the gate behind you. With some renewed energy, you stopped the van and brushed your teeth again - in all honesty, you felt disgusting and couldn’t wait for a shower, but the coffee breath was a definite no go. If you were going to kiss Grayson for the first time in a freakin month, you didn’t want to be worried about anything. 

Once you were back in the drivers seat, it was time for a little fun. 

You pulled your phone out, facetiming Grayson and driving super slow. He picked up quickly, concern on his face.

“Is something wrong?” was the first thing he asked.

“No, i’m okay. I started driving again cause I couldn’t sleep, but now I’m lost. My GPS took me onto some long ass gravel road, and now I’m surrounded by trees and I have no clue where I am,” you ranted, using every ounce of acting ability you had to not tip him off. 

“Slow down, hey it’s alright. Why don’t you just turn around and go back the way you came, and then we can figure it out.”

“I don’t know, I think theres a building or something up ahead of me, maybe a store? I could ask somebody for directions?”

“I’d rather you just go back. I don’t trust some random store at the end of some sus ass road. Just turn around baby,” he pleaded, getting a bit panicked. Luckily, you knew it wouldn’t last long because you were already in front of the house. You cut the lights on the van.

“Here, you tell me if it’s sus. What do you think?” You flipped the camera around, showing him the house. 

“I mean - wait. WAIT. WHAT? WHAT!? NO FUCKIN WAY,” he yelled, obviously freaking out. You laughed, hanging up the call and waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, you’d barely gotten the driver door open when Grayson came barreling out of the front door. 

You couldn’t contain your excitement as you unbuckled your seatbelt and started to climb down. Grayson beat you to it, coming to the opening of the door and reaching up to pull you out of the car. You were laughing as he grabbed you, wrapping you up in his arms. 

“No fuckin way, no fuckin way that you’re actually here right now! What the fuck!” 

“Surprise!” 

“Did you drive all night? Or all day? I just... WHAT!?” He was truly speechless and it was the most adorable thing in the world. He leaned back slightly so he could look at you, eyes wide with amazement.

“Maybe,” you grinned, shrugging. 

“God I love you. C’mere.” His hands slid down to your hips, then around to your ass and you knew exactly what he wanted. You jumped and he caught you as your legs went around his waist, and then his lips were on yours.

It was like the best first kiss you could possibly imagine. You’d thought about kissing him constantly while you were apart, but you were realizing that it had done this no justice. His lips were soft and warm against yours, the taste of him familiar and wonderful. Your hair started to move in the wind and you realized that he was spinning the two of you around, his boots crunching on the gravel beneath you. You could feel the smile on his face as you kissed him, never wanting it to end.

“Ewwwww,” was the only thing that could have brought you out of it, and sure enough, it did. Ethan was on the porch, leaning against the pillars. Despite his words, he was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Hey E,” you smiled, laughing a bit at how you must look right now, waving at him while Grayson was still holding you up. 

“Go say hi, I’ll get your stuff,” Grayson smiled, kissing your temple and putting you down. You turned and jogged towards Ethan, who gave you the biggest bear hug, even spinning you around a little bit.

“Missed you squirt,” he teased, swaying back and forth a bit.

“Missed you too,” you grinned, squeezing him tightly.

“Thanks again for uh saving all our possessions and moving all our shit.”

“You’re very welcome. And you also have a shoe problem, just so you know,” you teased.

“I do not!” He exclaimed, putting you in a bit of a head lock and rustling your hair. You pushed against him but it was futile, and you were stuck until Grayson came back and saved you.

“C’mon, let’s go say hi to mom and get you to a nice bed,” he smiled, putting an arm around your shoulders and leading you inside. You’d only been to the house in Jersey a few times, and it was under renovation, so the finished product was a very welcome sight. It was all light walls and tables with dark finishes, cozy yet bright at the same time, even at night. 

Lisa came around the corner, lighting up when she noticed you were there.

“Y/N! Grayson told me you weren’t gonna be here until tomorrow!” She gave him a bit of a scolding look, which made you laugh.

“That’s on me Li, I got a little too impatient and decide to drive on through,” you explained, accepting the hug she gave you.

“Well you must be exhausted, you go on upstairs and get some rest, we can catch up tomorrow,” she assured you, giving  you another squeeze before letting you go.

You didn’t even try for the boys bedroom - you knew that Grayson had been sleeping in the laundry room. So you headed in that direction, Gray in tow with your duffle bag in hand. As you saw the coziness of the bed, every last bit of energy you had drained from you. The crash was coming, and it was coming soon.

“You ready to sleep?”

“As tempting as that sounds, I really need to shower, I feel disgusting,” you mumbled. Just twenty minutes, and you would be able to sleep. You could do that, for sure. 

“Okay, here I’ll get you a towel and stuff, you remember where it is?” 

“Yep, I’ll be there in a second.” 

You rummaged through your bag, finding your toiletries and some clothes. But when you saw Grayson’s stack of shirts, you couldn’t help but snag one. Everything you’d had at the house had lost it’s scent, and you couldn’t help but breathe it in for a second before heading to the bathroom.

When you got there, Grayson was laying out two towels, and already had his shirt off. You stared for a moment, taking it all in, but even with the view your eyelids were heavy. You were fading, fast, and you had the sudden realization that if you all tried to have reunion sex later, you would probably be so exhausted you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. And you really wanted to enjoy it. 

“Gray,” you said, walking over to him.

“Did you find everything you needed? I’m sure mom has some extra stuff if you need it.”

“No I’m good, I have everything. It’s just-” 

He looked up then, cocking an eyebrow. It took him a minute, but when it clicked you saw him smile softly, coming over to you.

“It’s not about that. I just wanna take care of you, that’s all. I figured you’d be too tired,” he explained.

“I’m sorry baby.”

He just kissed you, hands finding the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head.

“No apologies necessary. C’mon, let’s get you clean.” 

You both stripped down the rest of the way and he turned on the shower, which was huge. The tile was white and marble like, and the water pressure made you feel like you were in a spa as you brought your toiletries in. Grayson washed his hair quickly while you let the water run over you, and when he was done you felt his hands find your shoulders, rubbing at the knots he found with his thumbs. You relaxed back into his touch, closing your eyes and resting your back on his chest. 

“Let me get your hair,” he said, reaching behind him to get the shampoo. You didn’t have a care in the world as he worked the suds through your scalp, making sure to get every bit of it before he started to rinse it out. By the time he made it to washing your body you were practically melted, so lost in the relaxation that you weren’t even sure it was real.

“You’re humming,” Grayson teased, pressing a kiss to your shoulder after you were rinsed off.

“Am I?” You mumbled, eyes still closed.

“Let’s get you dry before you pass out on me.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he helped you out of the shower, wrapping you up in a towel and kissing your nose. “You should let me do this more often.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, his statement waking you up a bit as you started drying yourself off.

“Well, you are miss independent you know. Miss ‘I can pack up an entire house with nobody’s help’ and ‘I can drive across the country solo, no big deal.’ I like when you let me take care of you sometimes,” he mused, rubbing his towel over his body and hair quickly before pulling on his boxers.

“Does that mean I get a free ride to bed?” You teased, keeping it light hearted even though you were melting at his words.

“Not dripping wet you don’t,” he smiled, taking your towel and running it over your hair, making you giggle. You were sure it looked something like Albert Einstein when he pulled the fabric away, but he kissed you anyways, passing you a shirt, shorts and your undies. You put them all on quickly, your limbs heavy with fatigue.

“Alright, off to bed.” With that, he scooped you up bridal style, carrying you out the door, down the hall and into the laundry room. He sat you down gently on your feet for a moment, pulling the covers back and climbing in, immediately opening his arms for you. 

“I know you’re not tired,” you mumbled, crawling into bed and immediately resting your cheek on his chest. You put one leg over his, wrapping your arms around his bare chest as he pulled you closer to him, burying his face in your hair.

“Doesn’t matter. Not a place in the world I would rather be. Now sleep so I can spoil you like I had planned to tomorrow.”

If you’d had any energy left you would have questioned him, but instead you lulled off to sleep in his arms, more content than you could remember being in a long, long time. 

[detectivereyes]

hi and welcome to jamie overanalyzes 911 lone star s2 trailer. this post is long and everything is under the cut bc of that and also bc i know there’s a lot of people out there who are trying not to see anything (which i wish i was you, that’s incredible) anyway if you’re like me and are losing your mind trying to make sense of it all... read below the cut

first just looking at the some screen grabs from trailer that i think are important to pull out

→ this has already been discussed but i’m pretty sure between this clip and the one where you can see the front side of the figures, that it’s owen and tim standing there (owen has the helmet on that says “captain”, tim has “paramedic” on his jacket)... this is important later

→ oh hey gwen

→ “one of our own died today” and it’s not owen, nancy, paul, or marjan... and my prediction that the figure that is comforting nancy is tommy... 

okay there’s not much to really dissect there.. i mean i could probably go shot by shot and give my takes but tumblr is already annoyed at how many pics i’ve uploaded and what people really want to talk about is that last note...

so which one of their own died today???

well we know for sure it’s not owen (they’re not killing off rob lowe lmao), nancy, paul, or marjan (unless the second two screenshots are just supposed to throw us off but this is confusing enough already so let’s just assume they are crying over whoever died)

we can also assume that it’s not tk bc of how much ronen posts, or carlos or grace since they aren’t firefighters. 

my initial thought is that it’s tim rosewater: mostly bc of the teaser trailer (see screenshot above) but at the time i really thought they weren’t actually going to kill anyone off. i also noticed mark elias was still posting. but now i’m not so sure. the main reason behind this reasoning is that nancy is shown crying, and she’s tim’s paramedic partner. of course everyone is going to be upset if someone from their house dies so nancy would be upset over anyone. however, she is shown in this trailer and considering she’s not a main cast member, i think that’s pretty significant. additionally, tim is also not a main cast member so he’s more likely to be killed off than any of the cast members who are. it sucks and i liked tim a lot so i hate this option but i’m going like 90% sure it’s him. but in order to explore other options, let’s dive a little deeper into other possibilities, shall we?

someone else mentioned that it could be michelle. i don’t really think it would be since they made it pretty clear that liv tyler couldn’t film due to travel restrictions. i also think fox would want to promote that liv is returning for one or so episode(s) if that was the case... then again other shows have successfully kept guest appearances secret so who knows really? it would make sense so i wouldn’t entirely discount it. it would make sense that nancy would be upset, and it’s a way for michelle to exit the show. but i hate that bc then the door is closed for liv to ever return to the show. overall i don’t really see this happening (mostly bc of covid and the logistics of getting liv to film...) but then again, i feel like it’s important to keep this in mind

besides tim, the character that makes the most sense would be mateo. i hate this option but this is where we’re at unfortunately. showing marjan upset? he’s also not shown as much in the trailer.. however i think you can see him for a split second at one point during a wildfire scene. if i remember correct, the wildfire episode is occurring around 2x04 (???) and the lava thing whatever you want to call it, is happening at the end of 2x01, into 2x02. so if that’s the case, and assuming that whoever dies is killed during the lava thing (yeah i just keep calling it lava thing..) then i think mateo is safe. please let me be right.

two other options that it could be but i find unlikely are judd and buttercup. judd isn’t shown in the trailer except for briefly during the lava thing (??? i could be wrong tho) but i also don’t think killing him off would make sense bc he’s connected to grace and also like he lost his entire team?? they spent so much time building his story during the first season that i honestly can’t see them killing him off so early in the second. and with buttercup... they can’t kill the dog. it makes sense but also it’s mean and i think it’s more implied that whoever died was killed on a call. i could be wrong here and maybe the lone star writers really do hate us but also i just won’t accept that.

finally, and one that i think is probable, the person who dies isn’t someone we know. all owen says is “we lost one of our own today.” of course one of our own could imply literally someone from the 126. but also it could just imply a fellow firefighter, since it is considered a brotherhood. maybe it was someone they teamed up with from another house and got close with? maybe it was a friend of judd’s? i mean hell maybe it was a floater they brought in for tk while he was on medical leave? we really don’t know but i think it’s important to keep this option in mind as well and not get to ahead of ourselves.

i love that we’re going to look back on this next month and be like wow it was so obvious?? we really thought that it could have been ___?? but for now i’m going to be losing my mind over here if anyone wants to join me. my official guess is going to be tim but i would love to hear what anyone else thinks!! my ask box and dms are open. 

edit, re the eddie/ryan theory: there’s some valid points but overall i don’t think this one makes sense mostly bc this death is happening on 911 lone star... if 911 was going to kill off one of their main cast members, they would do it on their own show. not in a spin off crossover episode... if only bc there are plenty of casual viewers out there that only watch 911 and would have no idea that eddie died. no matter how upset the network is with everything that happened with ryan, they can’t kill him off on a show that isn’t his, it just doesn’t make sense.

[daantaat]

twu s2 thoughts even though nobody asked <3 just a brain dump and it’s quite long so I tried to separate my commentary by categories but it’s still a mess unfortunately. Spoilers under the cut!

General

Overall, I enjoyed season 1 more than season 2. I’ve watched season 2 three times now, and I do think it had some good parts that I definitely overlooked during my first watch (probably because I was preoccupied with Charlotte x Shona 😶😅). My initial reaction to this season was like ‘hmm so that happened and I’m not sure what to think’ but then I rewatched it and tbh I think my complaints are mostly to do with the time jump between seasons and the pacing...

Like yeah there’s only so much to touch on in six 25-minute episodes but!!! I finished the season wanting a bit more, because I thought that some of the things that were introduced were either not explained fully/well or they just dropped off completely and didn’t really have an effect other than me asking questions after the season was over, like it felt as though there were missing scenes— more on that later (though maybe they will be addressed in season 3??? If there is one? How soon do shows get renewed? Idk). Though I guess the audience does have to do some interpretation of their own but still... Idk! Idk. And the assumption that certain events/plot points mentioned in a character’s dialogue would be enough for context had me kinda “:///” y’know? Like don’t tell me, show me?? I’d like the full course please!!

Charlotte x Shona (+ Vish I guess)

I think it was really jarring to see their relationship grow from colleague/business partners to friends and then finally to something more in season 1 only to see them awkwardly handle their unresolved feelings in the workplace with nothing to show for their actual relationship besides a mention of “a week-long gay safari” + the brief flashes of a sex scene that was intermingled with Shona and Vish’s cyber sex session, which in itself is 😐😐😐 like yes it shows that Shona still thinks about/fancies Charlotte in some capacity, but if I were to choose between that sex fantasy/flashback or a flashback of Charlotte and Shona together (like Charlotte telling Shona she was falling for her!!!!)... I think I’d choose the latter? I was just disappointed that we didn’t really get to see Charlotte and Shona being all cute and romantic with each other this season :(

ALSO I wished we got to see more of jealous!Shona; I was super hyped to see that since that scene was included in the trailer. It was nice to see her want the best for Charlotte because she’s “great” but the jealousy part of knowing Charlotte is dating someone great got settled pretty quickly and instead we got Shona evaluating her commitment to Vish and considering the idea of having kids after learning she has a womb of a 39-year-old (😐) and it felt.... like a lot!! It was definitely different from season 1 Shona (”I actually don’t want kids” “I genuinely, I genuinely don’t, you know, it’s not a big deal. Just never have” in 1x04) but if this was to show her dealing with comphet or internalized homophobia or just simply running away from her feelings then... idk what to think of it! I really don’t. I think this is where things could have been written differently because using an affair with Charlotte like that (an affair that we didn’t even get to see besides the stolen kisses at the finance event) was so... ugh, I’m suffering here

Anyway, I think their office scenes were definitely highlights of the season, like Indira and Sharon really gave those scenes their all!! Even though it hurts to see Charlotte so heartbroken and Shona running away from her feelings and hurting Charlotte in the process, I live for the angst lol. I will say though, the 180 that happened after their convo outside Charlotte’s office was a bit “🤔” considering Charlotte had talked to her therapist about Shona for 4 months. Like one hungover feeling dump from Shona and they can move on? Hmm communication is connection, huh. And I guess they were just excited that the article got good results? But how cute that they got each other gifts of their picture in the article??? Wtffff I love my “unfunny and obvious” gal pals even though I’m in pain

As for the voice note... omg, so many questions. Like did Charlotte try to reach out to Shona after she abruptly ended their call to check if she sent the voice note to Vish?? Was that gonna be the first time Charlotte heard Shona say “I love you” to her? What was the reason Shona said “I love you” anyway??? Is she, you know 👀 Also do y’all think Vish will listen to the entire voice note since it was clear it was meant for Charlotte? And who knows maybe Vish’s phone died and he can’t turn it back on or check his WhatsApp or whatever. I’m in denial lmao. But also I think he's a pretty good guy, like when he sent biscuits over to the house when Shona wanted some and him saying what’s the point of having fun in New York when she's not there with him... :/ but he was also a bit weird about her putting a nail in a wall or leaving out the egg duck or whatever as a display item in their house though I suppose that’s not a huge problem so like idk man idk!!! I'm just saying season 3 better not have a time jump I need to see what happens and not just in exposition

Shona and Aine

Love them :) I wish they had more scenes together (if that's possible??) but I liked the somewhat change in dynamic seeing Aine a bit worried about Shona (asking her if she’s okay when she mentions she’s thinking of getting a fringe lmao and again asking if she’s okay when they’re unpacking in Vish’s house). And of course Shona is still very protective and worrisome but seeing Aine just miserably lounging around her apartment over the weekend and getting in her bike accident after Shona wasn’t too supportive of her and James’s business idea made me so sad :( like Shona was so shitty about her not typing up everything in the notes for the meeting! And not even reading James's CV... big yikes. Anyway I thought it was odd that we didn’t get a follow up on the voice note Aine left Shona after getting into the bike accident... like she sounded soooo shaky and out of it :((( what luck Shona was sick and didn’t see Aine with a missing tooth before she got it fixed

Anyhow, Aine was right when she said Shona needs to talk to her and talk about her feelings more!! AND this is part of where my complaint about the pacing and the missing scenes comes into play! I think we should have seen Aine and Shona fighting about Shona’s affair and leaving Vish the voice note. The audience knows Aine cares about Vish and I’m not entirely sure where her relationship with Charlotte stands since Charlotte told Freddie about her being in rehab (on the assumption that he knew, as Aine’s ex-boyfriend) but!!! Just cutting to them on the floor waiting for Vish’s flight to land was not as hard hitting as it could have been

Aine x Bradley (+ Richard)

OKAYYY. Cute!!! I definitely overlooked the signs during my first watch here but yeah they were definitely there during my rewatch(es)!! I quite liked seeing Bradley try to get Aine to stop talking negatively about herself and just try to treat herself better in general like exercising and actually eating off of a plate :’) and the comparisons between Bradley and Richard have me like 👀📝 Bradley saying he likes how much Aine talks vs. Richard’s friend Mark saying she talks a lot and how he wasn’t expecting a whole show to which Richard replies he thought that at first too but she “calms down” like brooo... alright. Anyway Bradley going with her to Tom’s funeral/service made sense since he actually met Tom (though Aine did vaguely talk about him and his drinking problem to Richard in 1x05) and the fact that she told Bradley about PACT and her time there but she didn’t tell Richard (to be fair she was thinking about telling him) hmm 👀 Also Bradley saying “Sometimes it would just be nice to be with someone you could just relax with as yourself” yeah I’m on board with them

Loneliness, COVID, Communication is Connection

Initially I thought these themes could have come across a little stronger but after rewatching... hmm. Yes, Shona was lonely in the house by herself; she even asked Anil to stay for dinner, had her own “pile of shit” boyfriend on her bed (which she did clear off), and told Vish that nobody had time for her. Also after the business meeting she asked Aine what she was doing during the weekend (which Aine also spent alone anyway), but I dunno... oh yeah her hen/bachelorette party was a bit lonely since places were starting to go into lockdown and not everybody could attend, but I think the COVID element entered a bit too late into this season? I’m not sure it really added much in terms of the loneliness. Maybe it did add to the uncertainty of things though

“Communication is Connection” was there but I thought it kind of fell flat as well, but maybe that was the intention— to highlight the mess that a lack of communication can cause? Shona apparently writing off Charlotte’s feelings and them not necessarily talking about their relationship/feelings until their convo outside Charlotte’s office... Shona talking to Seema saying she’s never really asked what Vish wanted (regarding kids) and Seema saying that’s a convo for her and Vish to have... Aine not telling Richard she overheard him and Mark talking about her... Richard not consulting Aine about telling Etienne about them and just getting a new tutor for him... hmm. What does it mean. What does it all mean

Other stuff I’m still thinking about/have questions about

Shona mentioning it’s “annoying” how Aine talks like she’s the only person to ever get sad in episode 1 but still telling Aine she’s fine and then in episode 6 Shona saying she only has two emotions or whatever so she doesn’t need to talk to Aine about her feelings as much -____- istg we need to get Shona to talk to a therapist in season 3!!!

I also liked that Shona, Aine, and Eileen talked more. I’m still a little disappointed that the fact Eileen leaving Shona for three months when she was a baby was not mentioned at all. Yeah it was a secret but when Eileen said “well, you should never lie. You’ll always get caught out.” I— HELLO? If anything, that secret seeing daylight could have had something to do with Shona's sadness + loneliness this season. Also could you imagine that becoming a fear of Shona’s, like what if she doesn’t want kids because she’s afraid of doing the same thing to hers if she has any??

Jim asking Charlotte if she’s straight and Shona immediately going “what does that have to do with anything” or something like that and apologizing to Charlotte after Jim left— I’m not sure how I should have read that??? Did Shona mention to Jim that Charlotte is a lesbian?? When he started to ask, he was still looking at Shona (yeah I’m reading too much into this I know)

Marcia figuring out that Aine and Richard were seeing each other (after he touched her hand on his way out to get a taxi)— what was the purpose? Other than Marcia obviously feeling bad for Etienne, whom I assume she sees as a son of her own (based on the Mom Instinct™ snooping when she was doing housekeeping + her convo with Aine when he came back from France). She didn’t talk to either Aine or Richard about it, just told Aine to have a good time when they were leaving the house to go to their “separate” events. I guess it wasn't her place to say anything, but hm. Speaking of Etienne, it was obvious he had a schoolboy crush on Aine (or at least he was vying for her attention) in season 1 and it’s really too bad we didn’t get to see his reaction to suddenly getting a new tutor or dealing with Aine and Richard’s relationship other than him looking at them hugging while the new tutor was teaching him. He deserved some more screen time this season :(

Hmm so that was all very incoherent but if you made it this far thank youuu <3 here are some last silly comments:

Absolutely loved Julie!! I want to know what she knows about Charlotte and Shona 👀 girl give me the scoop on the last 4 months at the office

Super sad we didn’t get to see Charlotte’s cat (I’m always gonna be vocal about this 🗣🗣🗣) or know who her new girlfriend was but at the very least we were introduced to one of the most important side characters of all: Charlotte’s stompy boots <33333 she really wore those around the office with a blazer/blouse/leather skirt! We love that lesbian attire

[cali-holland]

Cherry- Harrison Osterfield One Shot

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield X Reader

Prompt: When you and Tom are cast as co-stars in Cherry, you can’t understand why Harrison begins to act so weird about the sex scene… it’s not like you’re dating either one of them.

Word Count: 4100

Warnings: lots of talk about sex, making out, some swearing

A/N: sooo obvs the release details of the movie are gonna be off; I’m ignoring covid for this fic :)

Masterlist   Harrison Osterfield Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

“A sex scene?” Harrison repeated, and Tom nodded.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be so weird.” Tom said. As they walked into their regular gym, they discussed the news that Tom had just heard over the phone- he’d just landed the role in Cherry a couple days ago, and he was told only this morning that there would be a sex scene involved in the film.

“Have they cast your co-star yet?” He asked, curiously.

“No. I haven’t even done screen tests with anyone else yet.” He shrugged. “I just hope they cast someone hot, you know?”

“Yeah,” Harrison laughed, still in disbelief that his friend was going to have to film a sex scene with a complete stranger in the coming months.

“Who would you want?” Tom asked and his friend looked at him quizzically, “If you had to do a sex scene, who would you want to do it with? A stranger or a friend?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t really given it much thought.” He tried to shrug it off, but his red ears told otherwise. He began to work on one of the weight machines, getting it to the proper setting for him, as Tom wandered over to a treadmill.

“Why did I even ask?” Tom chuckled, shaking his head teasingly, “Of course it’d be Y/N.”

“What would be me?” You asked, coming into the room to join them with a little more spring in your step than usual. Harrison went red in surprise at your presence, making you look at him confused. You three had a regular routine of meeting up at the gym to workout so your presence wasn’t surprising.

Back in Brit school, you had become close friends with Tom and Harrison. You had always harbored a crush for Harrison, unable to deny the attractiveness in his blue eyes. You were just too caught up in your own head to realize he felt the same. Neither of you made a move, neither of you could bear hurting the dynamic of your group. Tom was oblivious to the fact that you liked his best friend, which made it harder for you to even think about changing the friendship.

“Harrison needs a spotter.” Tom said quickly, distracting you from the previous topic.

“Uh, yeah.” Harrison cleared his throat, trying to control his scarlet face.

“I’ll spot you, if you spot me.” You teased, tightening your ponytail as you went to stand by him. You watched as Harrison began to life the weights, your eyes getting trapped on his muscles.

“Oh, Y/N.” Tom spoke up, pulling your attention from Harrison, “Did you ever get a call-back for that audition last week?”

“Yeah, I totally meant to tell you.” You laughed, turning to continue watching Harrison to make sure he was fine, “I got the job, not even a call-back. I just got it, but I don’t even know who’s on the project.”

“What’s the movie?” He asked.

“Cherry.” You replied. Harrison’s arms faltered and you moved quickly to catch and stabilize the weight. Laughing lightly, you asked, “Are you okay?”

“Cherry?” Harrison clarified. He looked almost horrified as he put the bar back.

“Cherry?” Tom added, stopping the treadmill.

“Yes, that’s what I said.” You nodded, looking between the two of them in confusion. “What’s up?”

“Y/N, I’m playing Nico.” Tom said, and your jaw dropped.

“We’re going to be in a movie together?” You replied, a wide smile growing on your face. In all the years you three have known each other and worked on projects, none of you had been cast in the same movie as leads.

“We’re romantic leads.” Tom stated as Harrison shifted uncomfortably on the bench below you.

“I didn’t think about that at all.” You admitted. Your excitement left your body as you thought of the film.

“Did they- did they mention anything about certain scenes with us?” Tom asked, almost hesitant as he glanced over at Harrison, who looked like he was quite ready to vomit.

“Fuck.” You groaned, piecing together how, yes, you were told your character had a sex scene and how Tom, as your partner in the film, would be the other person in that scene. “Well, filming will certainly be an experience.”

“I think I’ll just use the treadmill today.” Harrison stated, getting up from the bench and heading over to a treadmill. Tom started up his treadmill again, leaving you questioning Harrison’s reaction.

~~~

In some ways, you appreciated that Tom was your co-star for Cherry, but sometimes you just wished it was someone else- you’d rather have it be Harrison. For the next few months, none of you really talked about it, especially not the sex scene, because it put all three of you in an awkward situation; although, you still couldn’t quite tell why it was so uncomfortable for Harrison.

You had a week before filming started, and so you and Tom decided to practice your lines together. All three of you would help each other learn lines for various projects, but it felt better to have your actual co-star going through the scene with you.

“Want to run that scene one more time?” Tom asked you as the two of you sat at the dining room table, both of you holding your scripts.

As soon as the question left his mouth, Harrison came into the kitchen in nothing but loose basketball shorts that hung low on his hips. His hair was pushed back by a sweatband, fully displaying his sweaty forehead. He had been out playing basketball with Harry, and you were grateful for the clear view of his body from your seat.

“Yeah.” You nodded, distracted by Harrison. You not so subtly watched as he got himself a drink of water. 

“Y/N? Y/N, you there?” Tom waved a hand in front of your face, calling your attention back to him.

“Sorry, distracted.” You said, shaking your head. As you read your line, Tom looked over to see his friend in the kitchen. Tom’s eyes trailed back to your flustered form- he had caught you full-on checking Harrison out. He started to wonder if maybe Harrison’s feelings for you weren’t so one-sided.

A few more days went by of you, Tom, and Harrison enjoying your last days at home before leaving for Ohio. You stayed with the boys at their house, wanting to be able to spend more time with them. Tom started to notice your lingering gazes on Harrison more, and he wondered how he didn’t see it before. He already felt guilty about playing the role of your love interest in Cherry- because that meant he’d have to not only kiss his friend but kiss his best friend’s girl, and now he felt even worse thinking that you definitely liked Harrison back.

You were anxious about filming. You had kept most of your nervous butterflies down, but now it felt so real. Your flight to Ohio was in a few hours, and you couldn’t sleep. You found yourself sitting on the roof, looking out at the stars and trying to find some sort of serenity.

Kingston was quiet and peaceful that night, but the cool night breeze made you contemplate returning to your bed. You were about to give up hope and go inside when someone sat beside you.

“Can’t sleep?” Harrison asked. He was wrapped up in a blanket and wrapped his own around you, shielding you from the breeze with the warm blanket and pulling you into his embrace.

“Just stressed and nervous.” You let out a soft sigh, sinking into his warm chest comfortably. “I’ve never done a big movie like this.”

“You’re going to do great. I just know it.” He reassured you.

“Am I making a mistake though? Tom’s like a brother to me, and we’re going to have to kiss in the movie, amongst other things.” You felt him tense a little underneath you. “Should I have backed out?”

“It’s not a mistake. You and Tom have been friends for years. You can do this, it’s just acting.” Harrison said, but it felt more like he was telling the last part to himself.

“Why are you so weirded out by this? You’re not even in the movie. You don’t have to do any of this.” You asked quietly.

“You and Tom are my best friends. It’s weird to think you have a sex scene together.” He stated. There was a pause that filled the air; it was the first time someone had explicitly said “sex scene” since you had found out about the role.

“I feel a bit bad for you.” Harrison teased lightheartedly, “Tom’s probably a shit kisser.”

“Know from experience, Haz?” You joked, looking up at him.

“God, no.” He chuckled, smiling down at you, “There’s just got to be something wrong with him.”

“Oh, alright. So what’s wrong with me then?” You bit your lip nervously, sitting up to face him and letting the blanket fall from your shoulders. You watched as Harrison’s eyes trailed down to your lips momentarily before they met your gaze again.

“Nothing. You’re perfect.” He said. You could feel his heart start to race a little as you started to lean in. You were so close; his warm breath hit your face, your nose brushed his-

But he pulled away.

“Sunrise.” Harrison said, diverting his eyes away from you to the sunrise over your shoulder. You turned around to face the sunrise, wanting to hide the hurt look on your face.

You two sat quietly on the roof, watching the sun come up over the skyline. Your phone alarm went off, signaling that you needed to get ready to leave. You and Harrison went back inside and separated to your rooms, finishing up last minute packing.

“Tom, can I talk to you for a moment?” Harrison asked, stepping into his friends room.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Tom replied, transferring socks from his drawer into his suitcase.

“Y/N, uh-“ He sighed, crossing his arms in an attempt to find the right words.

“You okay, Harrison?” Tom asked. He gave his friend a concerned look at his flustered state.

“Y/N and I almost kissed.” Harrison admitted, making Tom smile.

“That’s a good step.” He replied, happy for his friend and turned to continue his packing.

“I pulled away from her.” At Harrison’s words, Tom looked back at him in confusion.

“Why would you do that? You’ve been wanting to kiss her for years.” He said. Harrison shifted uncomfortably, like he couldn’t form the words to express his feelings, “Is it because of the movie?” At his lack of response, Tom had an answer. “Haz, look, you’re my best friend. I’d never make a move on Y/N. This is just a movie, it’s not real.”

“I know.” Harrison sighed. “It’s just going to feel real.”

Before Tom could respond, you called out to the boys from the kitchen, informing them all that you’d made breakfast.

“We’ll talk later.” Tom said as he and Harrison exited his room.

But later was with you. Leaving for Ohio, you were with Tom and Harrison for every minute, and Harrison feared the conversation would never be finished. Meanwhile, you feared that you read too much into Harrison’s comment- maybe he was just being cheeky when he called you perfect, maybe he didn’t think that, maybe you were crazy for trying to kiss him. No matter what, filming started with you feeling hurt from rejection, Harrison feeling confused by his own feelings, and Tom getting caught in the crossfire.

The next couple weeks held an odd air between the three of you, building up to the day that you filmed the sex scene. You and Tom hadn’t even filmed a proper kiss yet; the scenes you’d had together only called for holding hands or intimate forehead kisses. Today, not only would you have to kiss Tom, but you’d also have to make out with him, touch him, pretend to have sex with him- and make it believable.

Your nerves were building all morning as you reviewed the script again and again. You hadn’t seen Tom or Harrison at all until you were called to set.

“Hey,” Tom greeted you, handing you a cup of coffee.

“Hey,” You replied, taking the cup but avoiding all eye contact with both boys. It didn’t help that Tom’s character started the scene off fully clothed, whereas your character conveniently happened to only be in her lingerie, and so you awkwardly stood with your fully clothed best friends as you wore a robe over your undergarments. It’s not like Tom and Harrison hadn’t seen you before in a bikini, but it was a completely different situation this time around.

“Tom, Y/N, it’s time!” The director called out. You and Tom set your coffees on the side table. You tried to ignore Harrison’s lingering gaze as you stripped out of your robe, revealing the black lacy undergarments. You and Tom walked onto the set, standing in your positions.

“It’ll be alright.” Tom told you, trying his best to comfort you.

“We’ll see.” You tried to reply in a lighthearted attitude, but you couldn’t bring yourself to even fully smile at the situation. You glanced over to where Harrison stood off-set. He was watching the two of you, and he even looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“And action!” The director announced.

You and Tom began the scene with ease, going back forth with dialogue. You pushed down your nerves when he kissed you, as scripted. Your hands tugged up his t-shirt while he led you back to the bed. You fell back onto the bed and he stood between your legs. He broke the kiss to pull his shirt off, but Tom got flustered as it got stuck.

“Cut!”

“God, how do they make it look so easy?” Tom groaned, fixing his shirt. When he realized he was still standing in the compromising position between your bare legs, he stepped back and cleared his throat.

“How was that as a start?” You asked the director.

“It was good. You two make it look natural” He said, making the nervous pit grow back to life in your stomach. He further suggested, “When Tom takes off his shirt though, start unbuckling his jeans to make the scene pick up pace. It’s not meant to be a sensual scene.”

“Gotta get right to the point.” Tom chuckled, elbowing you playfully.

“Let’s start it again.” The director ordered.

And you and Tom got back into your positions and ran through the scene again. This time, as Tom took off his shirt with ease, your hands went to work on his jeans. Soon, Tom was fully on top of you in just his underwear, kissing along your neck and collarbone.

The director called cut again. After a few more takes, he was still having some problems with the look of it all.

“The first take, you two moved so fluidly, and now it’s stiff and unnatural.” The director informed you and Tom, showing you the playback on the screen. You tugged your robe closer over your body, weirded out by the footage. He was right- it did look unnatural, but after so many takes, it only felt more awkward. It was taking a lot longer than either of you had expected, but, luckily with camera angles and editing, you and Tom were able to keep your underwear on the entire time.

“Let’s take a ten minute break.” He announced. You and Tom walked over to where Harrison stood.

“You guys looked great.” Harrison said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“We look awful.” Tom stated, making you nod in agreement.

“It’s taking so long, it’s just getting worse.” You sighed.

“Just try not to think of each other.” Harrison offered weakly. None of you were sure what to say about the bizarre situation, but you never expected him to offer advice.

“You mean like picture someone else?” You asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Y/N, we need to reapply your lip makeup.” Your stylist said, coming over to the three of you. You assumed she didn’t notice the awkwardness in the air as she applied more chapstick and lipstick to your lips. When she left, the director called Tom to the side to discuss tomorrow’s shooting schedule, leaving you with just Harrison.

“Must be boring, just watching the same scene over and over.” You said, trying to strike up a conversation with him.

“I haven’t been watching really. It’s too strange to watch you two act like you’re having sex.” He admitted.

“I hadn’t thought of that before- picturing someone else instead of Tom.” Now with the idea in your head, you’d try to picture Harrison during the next scene.

“It’s just a suggestion.” Little did you know, he wanted you to think of him, not Tom; he wanted it to be him on the bed with you, not Tom.

“Places!” The director announced, and you went to untie your robe.

“Hold this for me?” You asked Harrison, handing him the robe. He stood there speechless as you walked off back to the bedroom set.

The director called action, sending you and Tom back to making out on the bed. You thought of Harrison as Tom kissed you, trying to lose yourself in the scene. After a moment, the director called cut, claiming that was the best take. Wanting another angle for the last take, he started rolling again.

So again, Tom kissed you while you pictured Harrison. You thought of how Harrison’s lips would feel tracing over your skin; how Harrison’s hands would feel caressing your sides. As scripted, Tom began to move his hips against yours and started to kiss your neck. It was written that you would moan out his character’s name, but you were so caught up in your own thoughts of Harrison that you couldn’t even try to think about the proper line.

“Oh, Harrison,” You moaned and Tom halted his movements. Realization hit you immediately and your eyes opened wide.

“Shit.” You muttered. You dared to look over, past the crew, to where Harrison stood. You didn’t have to wonder if he heard your mistake as he was standing frozen in shock, eyes wide and face red.

“I knew it.” Tom chuckled from on top of you. His laughter died when Harrison regained movement and dropped your robe, exiting the set without another word.

“Are we done?” You asked, looking over to the director.

“We’ll edit it.” He nodded. You shoved Tom off from on top of you and hurried to grab your robe. Avoiding the crew’s eyes, you rushed back to your trailer with your head down. You let out a heavy sigh once you shut your trailer door.

“So,” You jumped, looking over to see a still red Harrison sitting on your trailer’s couch as if he was waiting for you.

“Well, I took your advice.” You said after a moment, sitting down awkwardly next to him on the couch.

“I could tell.” He nodded, fidgeting with his hands. “I didn’t know you thought of me like that.”

“Harrison,” you sighed. Before you could get anything else out, he leaned in and kissed you. When he pulled away, you both smiled.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. I’ve just been too scared to tell you, and when I figured out you were supposed to do a sex scene with Tom, I couldn’t handle it.” He explained. You placed a hand on his cheek, smiling softly.

“I’m in love with you too. I didn’t want to do all that with Tom. I want you.” You said, leaning in to kiss him again. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in closer to him.

And just like that, your concerns of the sex scene were free from your mind as Harrison held you in his arms.

~~~

Months later (a.k.a. whenever Cherry is supposed to come out now)

“Are you ready?” Harrison asked you as the car pulled up to the red carpet. You could already see the flashing cameras and bright lights outside.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” You smiled, straightening his tie one last time. Leaning in to kiss him, you said, “Damn, I’ve got the hottest date.”

“I think my date’s much hotter than yours.” He teased, going in to kiss you again. The driver knocked on the door, signaling it was time for you two to emerge from the vehicle. Harrison squeezed your hand reassuringly before you both got out of the car and started your walk on the red carpet.

You and Harrison had been red carpets before, but never as each other’s date. In fact, it was your first “major public outing” as a couple. Though it was for your movie with Tom, you were more than happy to show off Harrison. You two walked down the carpet together, stopping to talk to the fans and pausing for pictures. Tom made his way over to the two of you so that all three of you could get pictured together.

The press wanted pictures of you and Tom as the movie’s leads, and so Harrison stepped off to the side. They also called for individual shots of you before you got dragged into the carpet interviews, when all you really wanted to do was be with Harrison.

“So, Y/N, who’s your date tonight?” The interviewer asked, eyeing Harrison in the distance. You blushed, smiling over at him. He was too distracted talking to Tom to notice your gaze at first, but he smiled when he saw you already looking at him.

“That’d be my boyfriend, Harrison.” You answered.

“Do you want to invite him over here?” The interviewer suggested and you let out a small laugh.

“Sure.” You waved Harrison over to you and he wrapped an arm around your waist as he joined you at the interview.

“I’m getting the date questions tonight.” You teased, making him laugh.

“Oh I see.” He joked.

“How long have you two been together?” The interviewer asked, calling your attention back to them.

“Almost a year.” You replied and Harrison hummed in response.

“Now, how did the filming of the movie go, Y/N? You’ve been friends with Tom for years, right?”

“Yes, actually I went to school with Tom and Harrison, so we’ve all been close for a long time. It was definitely strange to act like a couple with Tom in the movie.” You laughed a little. You felt Harrison’s thumb begin to trace light circles on your hip; you knew it was his way of distracting himself from the nervous conversation.

“You’ve been friends for so long I would bet it’d be weird. Was it difficult to film that scene? How did you get through it?”

“Uh,” You chuckled nervously, placing one of your hands over Harrison’s on your waist, “We got through it by not talking about it. It was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever done, so it will definitely be interesting to sit through that tonight.”

Before the interviewer could press anymore, your manager came by, pushing you further down the carpet and inside the theater.

“That was the first time I’ve ever been asked about that.” You said quietly as you and Harrison took your seats. The seat beside you was open for Tom, who was still outside.

“You’re not wrong though. I don’t know how the three of us are going to watch that right now.” Harrison replied with a laugh.

“Well, I did get something good out of it.” You smiled, leaning in closer to him.

“Mm, and what was that?” He asked teasingly.

“One hell of a boyfriend.” You stated before kissing him passionately, not really caring about the rest of the theater filling up with the rest of the cast and crew.

“Hey, now, do I have to separate you two?” Tom asked loud enough to make you and Harrison jump apart from each other.

“I’m about to sit through two hours of you kissing my girl. I think I’m allowed to kiss her before the movie.” Harrison defended the two of you as Tom sat down beside you. You smiled at him calling you his girl.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tom playfully rolled his eyes. “We’re in an agreement though to not watch that scene, right?”

“Yes.” You and Harrison answered simultaneously.

As the movie began, Harrison gave your hand another reassuring squeeze, making you smile in the dark room.

And yes, when that scene came on, all three of you suddenly found the ground more interesting. And all three of you cringed from the sounds and the thoughts of it.

[quarantinebreakup412081121]

Day 1: Long Story Short It Was The Wrong Guy (AGAIN)

After nearly a year of being miserable after my ex and I broke up, and about 8  overlapping months of attempting to date, I finally met someone.

He seemed genuinely nice.  He met me at my neighborhood park and we walked his dog, around and around and around for probably a couple hours.  We talked nonstop- about 90% of the conversation was about our dogs.  We left and he hugged me goodbye (I turned to the side because- COVID- and I wasn’t expecting it... but it turns out he was vaccinated already) and said we’d do it again.

The next time he came to my house, met my dogs, and we walked his dog around my neighborhood. My dogs aren’t up for more than about a half a mile walk, so they stayed at home.  We talked and talked, we ended up back at the house before we were finished, so we re-walked half of the route, then walked part of the neighborhood beside mine.  By the time we got back, we still weren’t finished talking, but it was getting late.  We attempted the hug again.  He was vaccinated, I was going to be vaccinated the next month.  His dog lunged when we were going in for the hug and it ended up being kind of a 101 Dalmatians, tangled hug moment.  It was funny and a but awkward, but definitely memorable.

He said we’d do it again.

Then he asked me to go to his apartment so he could cook for me; he called it a date.  It was a little fast, but I made the hour long drive and went over for shrimp and fake meat tacos.  We also watched a movie.  It was nice.  He kissed me on the way out.  It was sweet.  I wasn’t sure that I wanted it to happen so soon, but I left with butterflies.

The next few dates alternated between him coming here to do outdoorsy things and me going to his apartment for a meal and a movie.  It was beginning to feel like a real relationship.

Over the next 5 months, he introduced me to all of his friends and we went to game nights together, coordinated to play video games with his friends when I went over, attended his friend’s post elopement wedding party, and he had me sign the photo matte that they had in place of a guest book.  It felt real, it felt solid, it felt like it would be long term and like he really cared about me.  It felt like the opposite of what I had with my ex.

He had me meet his dad.  He came over and met my family.  He said he’d go to Disney with me and he asked me to go skiing with him and his family.  He said he loved the beach and that it was his favorite place to go- so I anticipated multiple beach trips over the summer.  He listened to Taylor Swift with me, we watched dumb movies together, went grocery shopping and made Target runs together- aka “couple shit” as he called it.  I loved it.  I never got to do everyday couple activities with my ex.  He’d cook for me, I’d cook for him, he’d make random Taco Bell stops for me and he knew my order.

A few weeks ago, I finally decided to open up to him about some of my anxiety and worries.  I thought that the person I’d gotten to know over the last few months would be a person I could talk to and be real with- something I could never do with my ex unless I wanted to be judged and then ignored about it.  He listened, and attempted to offer a helpful response- which wasn’t really helpful, but he TRIED.  That was much more than I’d ever gotten from my ex.  A few days later, I went over to his apartment for the night.  We had dinner, it was off.  The conversation was off.  The movie was uncomfortable- like we were just sitting through it to get it over with.  He went to bed early but I was so wide awake that I sat in the living room playing on my phone and watching the storm outside for another 3 or 4 hours so I wouldn’t toss and turn in bed and keep him up sine he had to work in the morning.  In the morning, I had to drive home at 7am on only a few hours of sleep. I was cranky from that and the way the previous evening had panned out.

I laid in bed for a bit and snuggled his dog.  She’s so sweet.  She loves me and I love her-- so do my boys.  I laid there thinking “this feels like it might be the last time I ever see her...  so I just scratched her head and took a photo to remember the moment.

The goodbye was awkward, and I texted him when I got home and apologized for acting weird the night before and that morning.  I told him things felt off for some reason and laid out some things that were on my mind.  I thought open communication would be a good thing and that it would help him to understand my headspace and show him that I felt comfortable enough with him to talk to him  about these things.

The next week, he avoided hanging out with me.  The week after that, same story.  I asked him to come to a concert with me on a Sunday night- he said he’d love to if it wasn’t on a Sunday.  Then I asked him about another concert on the following Tuesday night- I jokingly asked him to play hooky from work and come with me.  He said he couldn’t- but I understood that; it made sense. I went out of town for the weekend to visit my brother and he said that we’d plan time to get together once I returned.  I returned and he mentioned nothing about getting together.  I brought it up once and he didn’t acknowledge it, but he still talked to me, just a lot less than usual.

The conversations we were having sounded like repeats of previous conversations- and I honestly don’t know if he didn’t remember telling me some of those things, but he liked to partake in a beer or two or three... pretty frequently- so I’m not certain that some of the time he talked to me, he wasn’t 100% there.  But that wasn’t the point- he was just sending me pleasantries and fillers as texts. No real conversation.

I started getting worried because my mind went to the worst possibility.  He was checking out.  We were done- or almost done.  I asked him if we were good because it seemed like we weren’t.  He said he was good and that work was just really rough lately and he was basically working and sleeping all the time.  All of my worries melted away and I instantly felt a sense of relief-- I had been worrying for nothing!  So I asked him if he had time for an evening hangout on Friday or Saturday or a different night if those didn’t work.  I’d come to him and bring food and we could watch a movie and veg out for a bit.

That was last night.

This morning I woke up early to go to a sunflower field to take some fun summer photos.  With covid apparently flaring up again, I was trying to find safe summer activities to do before the season’s over.  Since I couldn’t get my guy to go with me to basically anything, I decided I’d do the things he didn’t want to do with me on my own and do the other things with him.  It wasn’t so much a compromise as it was me just learning to be okay with having someone who didn’t want to take part in activities with me.  My mom went with me an we got some gorgeous photos.  I kept an eye on my phone expecting him to reply to my hangout request, because once he said yes- I’d also ask him to go with me to visit my brother in a couple weeks an have a fun beach weekend.

On the way home, I went through the drive thru at the bank and while I was waiting, I noticed my phone blinking.

It was a text.  From him.

I don’t think we’re a good match for each other.  There has been numerous occasions where you’ve said or done something (even in the name of “joking”) that hasn’t sat right with me.  I’m sure there have been times you felt the same about me as well.  I don’t want to waste any more of your time either.  I hope you find a man who is a better match for you.

First of all, what the actual fuck.  Secondly, there *have* been numerous occasions.  Third- I have no idea what I said or did...  Best I can muster is that since I’m pro equal rights and pretty liberal, maybe it came across as offensive because I think he has family members who are... trump-esque.  I barely brought up politics because I didn’t want to make things weird.  He is a cop and I never made jokes unless he did first (he’d regularly joke about cop stuff and talk about how he isn’t a typical cop and how he doesn’t like hanging out with other cops or doing cop stuff or even talking about cop stuff outside of work.)  He gave me a whole spiel about he’s not a “cop cop” when we first met, like he was trying to sell himself to me-- which  he didn’t need to do, but I thought it was cute.

I asked him if we could talk for a few minutes later in the day because I wasn’t understanding what was happening.  I told him that I wasn’t trying to change his feelings about anything, but I wanted to talk.  He totally blindsided me.

He never responded.

It’s basically midnight and he’s had most of the day to respond.  Five months and he can’t even give me an explanation.

This is what I get for trying to trust people.

Tomorrow- or later tonight- I’m sending one last text and blocking him.  He knew that’s how my ex ended things and how insensitive it was and how wrong it was.  We had this conversation.  And after five months, he just strings me along for the last few months and then ends things with a text.  So goddamn insensitive.

I know I’m better off without someone like him in my life, but this hurts so much more than the last time because at least my first ex was a jerk and it was on brand for him.  This one... my second ex... he was supposed to be better than this.  He was supposed to be nice.  He wasn’t supposed to hurt me, not like this.

[jokes-i-probably-stole]

Those of y'all that have been around here a while may know that besides being a totally rad place for humor and semi-original content, this is also my 99% anonymous vent blog. And good Lord do I need to vent.

It's just-- I've suffered from depression, anxiety, and OCD as long as I can remember. I had regular panic attacks as a 5 year old and was suicidal through much of middle and high school. Last year, I finally got help and now I have a life of things I can actually enjoy. Or I would if not for the state of the world for the past year and a half.

One of the big lessons I've learned through therapy and self-work is that's it's okay to sometimes be a little selfish if it means taking care of yourself. And as I right this I have to keep that in mind because just considering what I'm going through "distressing" makes me feel evil.

But I'm pissed as hell.

For the first time in my entire life, I wanted to go to a party. It was supposed to be this unparalleled, glamorous event at my favorite hangout and I was so excited. Then a week later my father, whom I love dearly, decided he wanted a birthday party since it was a milestone year for him (this was less than a month ago). So I canceled my ticket to the only party for which I'd ever been excited and bought a plane ticket to go to my parents house instead. After this, I lucked into a full day of studio time with my band that I also had to pass over to put myself in an unpleasant situation.

On their own, my family is my primary trigger. Add that on to the stress of financial strain, party struggles, and the absolute worst weather you could have for an outdoor event and I was already starting to panic.

Then my dad tests positive for Covid this morning. He wa vaccinated and mostly asymptomatic but an inten at his office (unvaccinated) came in to work all week with a cold that turned out to be coronavirus. My dad only got tested because of the party (despite most of the office being sick and having prolonged exposure), and that's even shit went to hell.

Instead of spending my day playing music and sipping cocktails at a literal ball (did I mention it was the only party I'd ever wanted to attend?), I spent it crying into my pillow, listening to my entire family argue, calling out of work for the next week (since I work at a bar), and trying to figure out how I was getting home.

I finally did get home thanks to some skillful maneuvering, 3 masks, more tequila than I should have had, and a roommate sent from heaven. So at this point I'm back home without any of the prior preclusions of my plans yet I can't do any of them.

Somehow it's worse.

So much worse.

Because the new barrier is something I don't want from a source I didn't want because of a series of events with which I had no connection.

Am I sick? Probably not.

Does it matter anymore? Absolutely not.

I was trying to do the "right thing" by visiting my parents and now I'm facing the consequences which include my personal happiness.

And now I feel like I have to give better reasons for being sad besides literal unhappiness but here: my parents and siblings all have flexible office jobs where they can mostly work from home and go about slightly altered lifestyles for a little while.

I work as an event tech, which means I only get paid if I show up to the packed bar or event center and interact with people and high touch surfaces. I've already lost $100 because of missed work for tonight and if I don't have a negative test I may have to go into my savings just to pay rent next month.

Now it's 5 am and I can't sleep. I just....

I can't.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #350

“let’s play a love game, play a love game  /  do you want love, or you want fame?  /  are you in the game?”

Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. Would you kiss this person again? I know I fucking would and I hate it more than I could possibly express. Name something that is on your bedroom wall? Lots of artwork, mostly of meerkats. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I need another desk to put stuff on. If you could paint your walls any color what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe like, peach. Soft and warm and would really bring light to the room. What does your phone case look like? It's just this boring purple one that came with the phone. What do you take the most pictures of? My camera roll says my pets, hahaha. What is the point of Twitter for you? Liking Mark's shit lmao. What does your planner look like? I don’t have one. If you get into an argument what is it usually about? My anxiety, I think. What are you always in the mood for? Ummm probably a car ride where I can control the music in the passenger seat. It is very, very rare I'll turn that opportunity down. What’s the last emergency you dealt with? I don't really know; I'm thankfully not in these situations very much, especially when you're cooped up at home. I probably haven't been actually engaged in an emergency since I had to call 911 for my mom before she found out about her cancer. She was basically immobile from agony in her abdomen. Do you have a son? I'm perfectly happy without a son, or kids period. Are you married? No. Have you ever worn a suit? I haven't. Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for Mom. How many keys are on your key-ring? Just one for the house. What’s the last thing you created? An RP post would count as art creation, I'd say. Who are your closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Well, they might be it as far as friends I consider truly close to me. I have a few other people I consider good friends, but we're just not like... on that "close" level, you know? Lisa is maybe another, and Lyndsey perhaps, both WoW friends. Are you ready to have a family? I hate that "have a family" tends to mean get married and have kids, which I'm guessing is what you're implying. If that's the case, no, given I don't want kids and am not fit to get married right now. I'm not even with anyone. I'm content right now with just living with my mom and my two pets, who are children well enough to me. Have you ever taken a DNA test? No. Do you have a family cemetery? No. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? *shrugs* I think it's pretty normal. How do you feel about swallowing pills? What do you mean how do I "feel" about it? I just do it if I need to. What animal is the scariest in your opinion? Some kind of bug, probably. Giant centipedes creep me the fuck out, for one, and I've heard their bite is incredibly painful. I've also always been very afraid of Australia's funnel web spiders since watching some show on Animal Planet when I was younger; I think it scarred me for life, aha. And let's not forget the murder hornets. No thnx, rather die. :') Have you ever questioned your sanity? Way more than once, my friend. How do you feel about people wearing fur coats? Are you for or against it? I am VIOLENTLY against it unless it is for survival in extreme climates and you don't have access to other material. That aside, there is NO way you could possibly convince me that it's okay to wear the fur of something once living on yourself for ~fashion~. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? Let's not go here. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? Haha, yeah. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon or strawberry. I'm not a massive jellybean fan. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? I've never tried it, no. What book/movie has made you cry the hardest? Either The Notebook or Titanic. Something you feared as a kid but don’t anymore? Thunderstorms. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one. Just wash it with water in the shower and then use a washcloth when I feel the need. Would you rather have a snake or a tarantula as a pet? I want both, but I prefer snakes. What is something you are NOT looking forward to? I both am and am not looking forward to my second Covid vaccine because it's notoriously worse than the first; the only bright side to it is that after the potential side effects blow over, I'm job hunting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time on my phone. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? Hot, but I like both. Who taught you how to swim? Dad, I think? Can you do push-ups? No. Do you like Doritos? Yesssss. Who is the closest friend that you live by? I don't know. Have you ever banged your head against something? I've had two concussions before, so, y'know. Have you ever jumped on a trampoline? Yeah, I loved that as a kid. Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt? No, considering I have like no ass, rip. Has one of your friends ever tried to "hook you up?" Ugh, yes. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Landmarks, by a mile. Although, I'm super bad with directions, so it probably wouldn't really matter much. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Yeah, you got to. Does your house have more than one fireplace? No. What was your favourite gym class moment? The one and only thing I liked about gym as a kid was when you took one of those rainbow tarps and made like, an air bubble underneath to make this awesome dome everyone sat in. Ya missed out if you didn't do that. Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yeah. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? Not at all; I was always flattered, knowing they cared enough to want mine. Apple Jacks: yay or nay? I looove those. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? Haha yeah, I think it's the second one? Such iconic scenes. It's the one with the Mary Jane girl that Shaggy liked... oh, jokes that went over your head as a kid. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say? I'm too lazy to list the convos themselves, but the people involved are my friends Chelsea and Ian, as well as a friend's mother. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No. It's always on vibrate, and I just turn the brightness way down. What is the sexual orientation of the last person you talked to? She's straight. What’s your favourite hairstyle on the opposite sex? Don't you fucking dare laugh, emo hair is A++. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Not a big one, no. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? Do I?! I love the first one (though for a while I wasn't very happy they swapped the lead role from Harry to his wife), and while the second is literal trash story-wise and it's ALL over the damn place, I still enjoy it with just how much I adore SH as a whole. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies? The Rite, because the concept of being raped and impregnated by a demon is fucking horrifying to me. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? Nah. Name 5 things you don’t believe in. 1.) "Everything happens for a reason;" 2.) karma; 3.) destiny/fate; 4.) psychics, fortune tellers, all that; and 5.) luck, at least in the sense of someone having set "good" or "bad" luck. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick? Probably Megan. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? Me for both of them. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? I have folders. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Eh, nah, that feels a bit far to me. I am very firmly for friends still being able to hang out even if they're each other's preferred gender, but a sleepover sounds a bit too intimate, even without sharing a bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? No. I'm very intimidated by guns and nearly shook when I merely handed a friend his (not for anything bad, he just carried it with him when he goes out), and I've got noooo plans of holding one again unless my life depends on it. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? You. Have. Zero. Idea. It's for both reasons, and it's far more severe in person. Online, I actually don't mind much, oddly enough... I can't quite pin down why. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Knives scare me like five times more than guns. Scary movies have nothing to do with it, though. They're just so sharp and the idea of being stabbed by one is terrifying. As someone with a history of self-mutilation too (not with knives, but I've thought about it and once planned to slit my throat with one, but Mom stopped me), they just make me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I can barely hold a "real" knife to just slice food. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence? Many times. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? That I've seen, uhhhhh... I don't know man, there are way too many Disney movies lmao. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? My sister's. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious? I'm just counting GameGrumps as one, and then you can't forget Shane Dawson, regardless of the controversy. He probably made me laugh more than any other YouTuber. Do you shave your pits? Yeah. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country? I'm not nearly informed enough about foreign countries' politics and laws and mannerisms to have a favorite. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia? Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada? Canada. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I love emo and scene hair, don't @ me, it's cute as fuck. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Lots, actually, at one of my old houses that I totally know was haunted. Do you think abortion should be illegal? NO. You would NOT end abortions. You would end SAFE abortions. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain? Venus, my ball python, is extremely odd with food to the point I sometimes worry about her, but she's always been this way and is healthy, so I guess it's nothing really worth fretting over. Anyway, when I place her rat in her terrarium, she gets excited first and will pretty much frantically examine her surroundings, like slithering around everywhere, and even when she has clearly found the rat (she'll even prod it with her snout), she usually won't immediately eat. She just like... sits there and has to continue to verify for ten minutes that it's food. I know it's thawed perfectly, btw. So anyway, THAT'S weird... As for Roman, dear god, that cat's just weird, lmao. Especially in the morning, he's very hyper and will bolt around the house sometimes, he "plays" with nothing all the time, he "meerkat"s at nothing that I can nothing, etc. etc. etc. He's a weirdo lol. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I said something really inapprops once when my friend Chelsea startled me. I won't be repeating it lmao. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara, I think. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad. He doesn't scare me anymore, but he did. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Oh idk. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? "Martyr." And not the kind that dies for their beliefs. It hurt me so badly to know someone thought of me that way, and I'll probably never let it go. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No. Roman is one of the billion kittens born to the cats my sister's in-laws have, and Venus is from a ball python breeding business in Florida called The Gourmet Rodent (they sell f/t rodents too, obvs) Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not really. My grandmother though, whew, that was her calling for sure. Have you seen any of the old James Bond movies? Nope. List all of your features that you have ever gotten compliments on: My hair, my eyes, my tattoos, my hands, I think my nose, my dimples, my smile, and my boobs lmao. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? And if not, would you ever want to go in one? I haven't. I think it'd be kinda cool, but they seem too easy to fall out of, and I'm afraid of heights. I'd probably go in one if given the opportunity. Do you have any stains on your shirt currently? No, but there are two small rips. It's just an old tank top. Do you listen to local bands? No. Not that I'm opposed, I just don't know of any I really enjoy. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Many, many daily. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? They're divorced; they used to fight a lot when they were together. Now they only talk if they have reason to. Have you ever watched a movie that's in a complete different language, so you had to read sub-titles? No. Do people with yellow teeth disgust you? Dude, fuck off, no. My teeth are kinda yellow, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it, so seriously fuck this question. You never know for sure why someone's teeth may seem yellowish. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually a drink or two. Do you wear rings? I always have two on, yeah. Are you hungry right now? No, I literally just ate a breakfast bowl. Have you ever tried smoking a cigarette? No; I haven't the slightest interest in doing so.

[confettipizza]

Lunar Recap

How it started. How it’s going. How it ended for the last lunar cycle of 2020.

This lunar cycle began with the New Moon on Jan. 12, 2021 @ 11:01 PM CT (Jan. 13 @ 05:01 UTC). It was the 13th Moon of 2020 according to the lunar calendar. And it ended Feb. 11, 2021, just before the 1st Moon of 2021! Happy Lunar New Year 2021, Year of the Ox!

South Korean Court Orders Japan to Compensate Women Forced into Sex Slavery

Colorado AG Opens Grand Jury Probe of Police Killing of Elijah McClain

Guantánamo Bay Prison Starts 20th Year of Indefinite Detentions

Pfizer to Boost COVID-19 Vaccine Output as WHO Warns of Vaccination Inequality

Lawmakers Catch COVID-19 After Sheltering in Room Where GOP Reps Refused Masks

FBI Warns of “Armed Protests” in All 50 States and at Biden’s Inauguration

Tomorrow is Sun conjunct Pluto. Something that’s been lurking in the shadows bout to jump out. Might be pretty big, but there’s also the individual personal experience of this event and might feel more like an early Full Moon for you.

House to Impeach Trump as GOP Shows Signs of Backing Removal

Well this is dumb. Sun conjunct Pluto?

The $3,000-a-month toilet for the Ivanka Trump/Jared Kushner Secret Service detail

I also remembered/realized how much I really love Anna Sui designs since I was a kid which is pretty random to pop up on my radar, but this woman gets that all I want is sparkly heart shaped objects in lacquered black and flowy hippie dresses

Trump Tells Aides Not to Pay Giuliani’s Legal Fees as Bid to Overturn Election Fails

All I know is talking about dreams and discussing them with others makes you feel better. The tarot angle is there to shed some light on what the dream is actually telling you.

Joe Biden Unveils $1.9 Trillion Coronavirus and Economic Relief Package

ICE’s Acting Director Resigns After Two Weeks on Job

Found out today the woman at the car mechanic I've been faithfully taking my car to for the past two years can speak to the dead and had some messages for me from my dad who passed in October-

Intuitive guided tarot card pull.

Waxing crescent into Aries Monday, January 18, 2021 at 1:06 AM CT Today’s Astro x Tarot forecast valid for the next 24 hours: Feelings are flaring up for you to make a statement, a very zippy move or a quick decision about someone or something.

So long as you remain flexible and agile, whatever you choose to do with them will work to your advantage. If you decide not to impose hyper-agility into your decision making rn, then kudos to you! You’ve gained practice points in self-control experience.

More Than 760,000 Pounds of Hot Pockets Recalled

‘I Answered the Call of My President’: Rioters Say Trump Urged Them On

Raphael Warnock and the Legacy of Racial Tyranny

The Extraordinary Courage of Aleksei Navalny

Whoa, I was like a cycle early on celebrating the lunar new year! I’ve been a month into the future for a week now. My bad! I apologize for any confusion.

I was thinking that the soul's law of attraction is probably pretty unstoppable even concerning partners, so like, if someone didn't love you back then it's not some mistake or human misunderstanding that you or they need to fix.

To find one's soulmate looks something like 2 souls flying towards each other from opposite ends of the galaxy to join their physical selves together in a collision force so brutal you're stuck like that and if that's not what yours looks like then maybe that ain't your soulmate?

All the men going to jail for their poop smearing Capitol rioting have online dating profiles and that’s reason no. 2 I do not date online! Reason no. 1 is ain’t nobody cute on there.

The Witch’s Myth: The true story of the crane husband

Where are your witch stars, Circe and Hekate, located? Their location can explain your relationship to witchcraft. Circe is in my 1st house influencing my outer appearances and Hekate is conjunct Jupiter influencing my domestic style and home to be distinctively witchy.

Sun into Aquarius Tuesday, January 19, 2021 at 2:33 PM CT Here is your Sun into Aquarius forecast effective for the next several weeks of Aquarius season. 

Down to earth and grounded is our most qualified position to receive everything we need and use everything we receive. This is the reality of ourselves, the human condition.

We love reality based reality.

Get ready for reality-grounded White House press briefings

Why do people believe the lies they’re fed? Because those lies are designed to be more palatable than reality. Lies offer a quick easy patch, but what you’ve gotta ask yourself is are those lies actually designed to support the flow of all things into your life?

~* First Quarter Jan. 20 3:02 PM CT (21:02 UTC) *~

Biden and Harris Attend Memorial to Honor 400,000+ COVID-19 Victims in U.S. on Eve of Inauguration

Steve Bannon Among Final Trump Pardons and Commutations

Trump Admin Declares Multiculturalism Is “Not Who America Is” as WH Releases Racist, Revisionist Report

4,000+ Columbia Students Back Largest-Ever Tuition Strike

Today, whatever you’re doing or are wishing to become will be to the benefit of this unifying, love-aligned uprising.

Joe Biden Sworn In as 46th President of the United States, Ending Trump Era

Good inauguration Astro climate this morning feels like. #BidenHarrisInauguration

“What has shaken the U.S. population so badly, this assault on the Capitol yesterday, is really nothing by comparison to what U.S. operations have done in Latin America, in Asia, in Africa, in the Middle East, to other democratic movements and elected governments over the years.”

Progress towards wholeness can’t be made until we own up to the roles we’ve played in the past.

Read the full text of Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem ‘The Hill We Climb’

When did politics get so vibrant and fashionably uplifting? Please and thank you! #Inauguration2021

The two of wands says to review your options, do your research, crunch the numbers, imagine the outcomes, but there’s no need to force making a choice if you don’t have to. Buy yourself some time and let the plans for a resolution find you, not the other way around.

Donald Trump Leaves Office and Washington, D.C., Threatens “We Will Be Back”

Watchdogs Demand Transparency as Corporations Pour Millions into Biden-Harris Inauguration

Senate Dems File Ethics Complaint Against Sens. Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley over Jan. 6 Insurrection

Federal Forces Arrest Ex-Marine for Beating Officer with a Hockey Stick During Capitol Riots

It’s Friday and it just feels good to be alive, a socialist and calling Bernie Sanders cute on Inauguration Day week! What a difference a pandemic makes.

Instacart Lays Off 2,000 Workers, Including Group Who Started Company’s First Union

Mars square Jupiter January 23, 2021 @ 1:49 AM CT (7:49 GMT) Someone wants you to know that you are ready to conquer your perceived limits to arrive at expansion in your thoughts, feelings, emotions and understanding today.

Waxing gibbous into Cancer January 25, 2021 @ 12:51 PM CT (18:51 GMT) It’s a supportive Moon for dreaming for mental health and well being. Begin a dream journal or review your latest dreams, reflecting on them for a few minutes today.

You are opening yourself up to an emotional practice that includes care for yourself in ways no one else (besides you and your connection to the Moon) can provide.

And too my Tarot Dream Readings are open if you would like guidance or support on a particular dream. See my pinned tweet for how it works.

When one’s soul is allowed to lead one’s life, working in the dark shadows, the invisible silence, the soul’s manifesting results are way more lasting and way more powerful than egocentric anything.

Good morning, self! A reminder my ego has never done a thing for me my soul can’t do better.

National Guard Deployment at U.S. Capitol Becomes COVID-19 Superspreader Event

Russia Violently Cracks Down on Protesters Calling for Release of Alexei Navalny

Trump Plotted to Oust Acting AG, Use DOJ to Force Georgia to Overturn Election Results

Hunts Point Market Workers in the Bronx Win Wage Increase After Week-Long Strike

This mourning brooch is a mindful way to mark the death of a loved one while paying tribute to the impact it has had on you. Bring back this Victorian trend!

Veteran Talk Show Host Larry King Dies After Hospitalization for COVID-19

Hank Aaron, Who Overcame Racist Barriers to Become Home Run Record-Holder, Dies at 86

We don’t give our bodies or our intuition enough attention and nourishment a lot of the time, so today’s the day we practice finding and sitting quietly with our inner voice.

~* Full Moon Jan. 28 1:17 PM CT (19:17 UTC) *~

House Delivers Article of Impeachment to Senate, Triggering Trump’s Second Trial

Dominion Voting Systems Sues Rudy Giuliani for Lying About 2020 Election

President Biden Increases U.S. Vaccination Goal to 150 Million Shots in 100 Days

President Biden Reverses Trump’s Transgender Military Service Ban

Biden Restores Plan to Feature Abolitionist Harriet Tubman on $20 Bill

Value is further added the more you mint your words with a most whole and complete love. Love is the greatest asset we can let appreciate in our lifetimes.

This Full Moon tomorrow sends a flash point that reminds you to circulate this wealth because it’s the greatest emotional gift we can bestow upon our loved ones, family, friends, neighbors, elders, members of our community, etc.

Venus conjunct Pluto in Capricorn January 28, 2021 @ 10:18 AM CT (16:18 GMT) Going through your day today uncovers a forgotten desire or creative goal. You find yourself asking something like: Remember when I wanted to become a pastry chef?

Although you decided to pursue a different course, take a moment to focus on and honor this memory when it arrives and then release it. What did you become instead and why?

45 Senate Republicans Back Dismissal of Trump Impeachment Trial

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Supported Violence Against Pelosi and Others in 2018 Facebook Posts

Taking the time to recognize and honor your past desires gives the respect these memories deserve and it integrates them into the whole wider scene of the individual, both shadow and light on your path builds confidence in your steps, confidence in yourself.

You are who you are for a reason.

Had no idea how literal this grassroots King of Pentacles card was gonna materialize today, but here it is folks! When a subreddit takes down a hedge fund!

Leader of Proud Boys, Enrique Tarrio, Was a Government Informer

U.S. Freezes Arms Sales to Saudi Arabia, Reviews Deal with UAE Made Under Trump Admin

Poland Enacts Near-Total Ban on Abortions, Triggering More Protests

Honduras Locks In Total Ban on Abortions, Attacks Marriage Equality

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Confronts Parkland Survivor David Hogg in Newly Resurfaced Video

The stock market this morning: Sh*t! Normal working class people read the market and figured out the game! Time to change the rules again. Let’s write it in ancient Babylonian hieroglyphs this time. They’ll never figure that sh*t out.

A message crucial to promote the awareness of your personal role in the collective will become evident over the next three weeks. You will come to ask yourself, What am I doing with my life?

If you aren’t familiar or comfortable with seeking your inner journey, then the greatest clue I can offer you at the start is to become open to the invisible world within you. How you learn to relate to it is completely personal and uniquely your own

Speaking in more concrete terms the next few weeks may manifest a life event for you where you must apply both logic and feeling in order to arrive at a satisfactory conclusion concerning an interpersonal relationship or the question what am I doing with my life?

This Mercury retrograde should be a cinch, but during it don’t buy tech if you don’t have to. And remember to triple check communication before hitting send. If you arrive at conflict be quick to apologize and say no more until tomorrow 

President Biden Expands Affordable Care Act Enrollment Amid COVID-19 Pandemic

House Speaker Blasts GOP for Assigning Racist Conspiracy Theorist to House Education Committee

Lawmakers Demand Probe into Trading App Robinhood After It Blocked Stock Sales That Hurt Hedge Funds

Pioneering African American Actor Cicely Tyson, Winner of Two Emmys, Dies at 96

Sun in Aquarius square Mars in Taurus February 1, 2021 @ 4:33 AM CT (10:33 GMT) The warrior’s edge has melted away and now you can take the scenic route through a field of wildflowers and mushrooms instead of blasting your way through a hillside of obstacles.

This energy catalyzes a scene that supports growth through varied experiences and it encourages everyone to seek their own way to resolutions, conclusions and understandings that are uniquely their own. Searching out your own way illuminates a strategic aspect of your purpose.

Happy Venus in Aquarius! The idea to refresh your wardrobe, hairstyle or redecorating by public opinion can be too hard to ignore under this influence. Your personal style will be influenced by the collective for the duration.

Burmese Military Stage Coup, Detain Aung San Suu Kyi

FBI Uncovers Evidence Jan. 6 Attack Was Premeditated as More Far-Right Rioters Face Charges

Trump Faces More Businesses-Related Woes as His Legal Team Departs a Week Before Impeachment Trial

It’s only the 21st day of the lunar cycle and already we’ve gone from the end of a rotten presidential era to the people’s revolution of the stock market, ok? And this moon ain’t even finished yet!

~* Last Quarter Feb. 4 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) *~

U.S. Tops 26 Million COVID-19 Vaccine Shots, Surpassing Confirmed Coronavirus Cases

Moon Last Quarter in Scorpio February 4, 2021 @ 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) A time for Descending, settling, closure, receiving compliments for doing a good job. Prime time for tying of loose ends and wrapping up unfinished business.

Democrats Say Trump “Singularly Responsible” for Jan. 6 Insurrection in Impeachment Brief

With consciousness humans are able to transcend the unconscious and reconfigure our relationship to it.

Though we can transcend the unconscious through viewing ourselves objectively, we are still apart of the the unconscious. Those rules still apply to us even as we contemplate their logic.

Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO After Amassing Huge Personal Fortune

Amazon to Pay Contract Drivers $61.7 Million After FTC Probe Finds It Stole Tips to Pay Wages

Republican Leader Won’t Punish Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene over Racist and Violent Rhetoric

Prosecutors Seek Rearrest of Kyle Rittenhouse, Wisconsin Teen Charged with Killing 2 Protesters

Sometimes the right thing to do is protect your one actual valuable thing not by defending it, but closing up all the channels the valuable thing is being attacked from the outside. Sometimes you just gotta block, delete or remove your account and move on with/to what's good.

What if we wake up one day and COVID has disappeared, like poof! It vanished into thin air? Maybe it’s the moon opposed to Uranus that’s got me wishing wild problem solvers would pop up overnight.

Poll Reveals 25% of U.S. Adults Plan to Gather at Super Bowl Watch Parties

VP Harris Casts Tie-Breaking Vote to Move Ahead with Democratic COVID Relief Bill

House Removes Marjorie Taylor Greene from Committees over Violent, Bigoted Rhetoric

Smartmatic Sues Fox News, Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell for Election-Related Lies

I unfollowed some lawmakers this morning after feeling second hand anxiety over the handling of their interpersonal conflicts. Realized they were me on IG two years ago and I’ve moved on since. Can relate, but don’t wanna relive, thanks!

I just want to let y’all know that I’m coping w insufficient candle syndrome & will be studying the art & science of candle making to save myself potentially hundreds of thousands of $$ by making my own delicious smelling coconut wax babies in diy terra cotta flower pots.

Wyoming GOP Censures Rep. Liz Cheney for Backing Trump’s Impeachment

Mass Protests Continue in Burma Opposing Military Coup, Removal of Aung San Suu Kyi

You may tell others like it is today, but hopefully this inspires you to check in with yourself and be honest/come clean about something you've been overlooking.

Indian Farmworkers Blockade Roads as Mass Protests Show No Sign of Slowing Down

Black Sheriff’s Deputy in Louisiana Dies by Suicide After Condemning Police Violence and Racism

Amazon Workers in Alabama Begin Historic Vote on Unionization

Second Impeachment Trial of Donald J. Trump Opens in the Senate

Georgia’s Secretary of State to Probe Trump’s Efforts to Overturn 2020 Election

Mercury square Mars February 10, 2021 @ 6:14 AM CT (12:14 UTC) Still talking about talking, it’s also Dark Moon time to shape or let a habit form. This practice can come from breaking free of outdated relationships with yourself or with others in order to spur growth.

Dreamed Jungkook was correcting my pronunciation of Korean last night. I’m sorry! I’ll try harder to take this lesson seriously

Senate Votes to Proceed with Impeachment as Managers Present Harrowing Video of Jan. 6 Insurrection

Gov’t to Send Vaccines to Community Health Centers as U.S. Continues Ramping Up Vaccinations

WHO Team Confirms COVID-19 of Animal Origin; Ghana Shuts Parliament After Outbreak Infects Lawmakers

Journalists Decry Raid on Progressive Indian News Site NewsClick

U.S. to Pursue Extradition of Julian Assange as Press Freedom Groups Warn of Dangerous Precede

Fossil Fuel Pollution Causes One in Five Global Deaths

Four Louisiana Officers Arrested over Police Brutality Cases and Other Misconduct

Two NYT Journalists Exit Paper Following Revelations of Improper Conduct

Venus conjunct Jupiter February 11, 2021 @ 8:59 AM CT (14:59 UTC) Receive the overflow of creativity into your life. Welcome it even if you aren’t sure what to do with it. Write down project ideas if you don’t have the energy to start on them now. You can work on them later.

I'm cool with double masking, but a lot of folks still aren't even doing the one :|

“The Inciter-in-Chief”: Democrats Accuse Trump of Being “Singularly Responsible” for Insurrection

U.S. COVID Death Toll Tops 471,000; Half of All Deaths Occurred Since Nov. 1

Saudi Women’s Rights Activist Loujain al-Hathloul Released After 1,001 Days in Prison

Biden Administration to Continue Trump-Era Policy of Turning Away Asylum Seekers at Southern Border

Sen. Bernie Sanders Grills Neera Tanden, Biden’s Pick to Head OMB

Sen. Bernie Sanders: “According to The Washington Post, since 2014, the Center for American Progress has received roughly $5.5 million from Walmart, a company that pays its workers starvation wages; $900,000 from the Bank of America; $550,000 from JPMorgan Chase; $550,000 from Amazon; $200,000 from Wells Fargo; $800,000 from Facebook; and up to $1.4 million from Google. In other words, CAP has received money from some of the most powerful special interests in our country. How will your relationship with those very powerful special interests impact your decision-making if you are appointed to be the head of OMB?”

Neera Tanden: “Senator, I thank you for that question. It will have zero impact on my — on my decision-making.”

[hilarieburtonmorgan]

Hilarie Burton Morgan On Home Beyond Hollywood And Working Beside Her Husband On ‘The Walking Dead’

FilmMagic

From her standout performances on beloved television series to a recent bestselling memoir, Hilarie Burton Morgan continues to take us along on her journey called life. Beginning her career as a MTV VJ in 2000 to regularly lighting up the small screen ever since, the 38-year-old actress and author wears multiple hats these days, with an even more important title of mother & wife leading her charge. Now with several exciting projects on the horizon, including her long-anticipated introduction into the expanding world of The Walking Dead beside her husband Jeffrey Dean Morgan , Hilarie is no doubt maintaining a lasting impression.

To truly appreciate her on-screen chemistry with Jeffrey, it would be helpful to know how they first connected off-screen. “I knew right away,” Hilarie tells Forbes about how soon she knew Jeffrey was the person for her, while sharing the story of how they met. “My very dear friend Danneel Ackles is married to Jensen Ackles and I would stay at their house every time I would go out to LA. When I was 26, I went to stay at their house and I think they got sick of me dating drifters. So Jensen was like ‘I’m going to introduce you to someone that I want to hang out with’ and he introduced me to Jeffrey, who had played his dad on Supernatural . It was pretty from the jump. He started sending me packages right away of books and love letters and he laid it on nice and thick and it worked! Here we are 12 years later.”

AFP via Getty Images

Easter Sunday on AMC, The Walking Dead will reveal to viewers the backstory of Jeffrey’s character Negan and his ailing wife Lucille, played by Hilarie. Even though this important “Here’s Negan” season finale episode will be the first time you will actually see Lucille in action, Hilarie points out that her character has played an integral part on the hit series for some time now. “The mythology of Lucille has been around as long as Negan has been around,” Hilarie explains. “When it was introduced that he had a baseball bat that he used to kill people named Lucille, obviously there were questions surrounding who that was named after and he has been pretty forthcoming throughout the series that his dead wife was the inspiration for the name and he has talked a number of times about her cancer diagnosis, about her death, about what that loss meant to him. While Negan and my husband have been vilified over the last five or so years, to me what Lucille is, is a real glimpse into who Negan was pre-apocalypse and the man that she wanted him to be.”

Hilarie says being a real-life married couple portraying a married couple on television was an experience they really enjoyed together. “It was really wonderful. We have a really similar energy on-set. Neither one of us takes ourselves very seriously. We like joking around.” Hilarie also hopes that fans will better understand the violent ways of Negan after they get to see the love and heartbreak that he came from. “If there was ever a time for people to understand Negan’s aggression or his way of doing things, I feel like the entire world has been prepped for that over the last year. So Lucille comes in as the person who loves him the most and loves him even with his flaws. Perhaps the audience if they don’t already love him, which they should, perhaps they can follow Lucille’s example and love him through the tough stuff.”

Josh Stringer/AMC

In reality, Hilarie’s life with Jeffrey and their two kids is far less dramatic. When their son was in preschool, the couple decided to set roots as a growing family in Upstate New York and ultimately build their home on a farm. “We rescue animals and we got tons of chickens and ducks and cows and llamas and an emu and a donkey that are in love. We have got a really large vegetable garden that we definitely expanded on during quarantine and our son just turned eleven and our daughter is three and they are fully onboard with getting involved in there.”

Following the unexpected death of their local family friend Ira Gutner, Hilarie and Jeffrey decided to become co-owners of Samuel’s Sweet Shop to keep Ira’s storefront from closing, with the help of a handful of nearby friends, including another familiar face, actor Paul Rudd. “It has been such a wonderful experience for our kids because they all know what their first job is going to be,” Hilarie adds. “It has been fun for our community because we have been able to use it as the trophy case for all our food artists in town. During quarantine, when you can’t celebrate with the people you love, we hired all new people and created a new space to do gift baskets. It was so wonderful that our community and people from all over the country were supporting a small business, because we know what lockdown did to those this year.”

AMC

Last May, in the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, Hilarie published her memoir The Rural Diaries: Love, Livestock and Big Life Lessons Down on Mischief Farm . In the book, which she says is meant to be a love letter to her husband, her community and her children, Hilarie very openly discusses the miscarriages she endured and says she did not expect so many people to connect with her story over the past year. “This has been a book that people have gifted their friends or their loved ones during a really difficult time. For me, the responsibility of being a voice for people who have felt like they needed to keep miscarriages or infertility a secret, I’m very serious about it. I never want to cheapen that for anyone because I know how terrible it is to fall asleep at night devastated.” Hilarie is currently writing a second book, which she hopes to have done by next year.

Even as new projects continue to pop up for Hilarie, her nostalgic fan-favorite projects from yesteryear also seem to have the possibility of returning in some capacity. When discussing her role as Sara Ellis on the stylish con artist series White Collar and her commitment to finding a way to work with that cast family again through a revival series or simply together on a new project, Hilarie says, “We’re going to get the band back together, hell or high water. We love each other.”

Hilarie’s six seasons starring as Peyton Sawyer on the hit drama series One Tree Hill has led to her having a substantially large and vocal fanbase for nearly two decades now . “Peyton was the Negan of One Tree Hill because there are people who really hated her and then there were people who really loved how messy she was. Those are the characters that I have always been drawn to, which is probably why I am so defensive of my husband’s character. I love Peyton Sawyer. I put so much of my real self into that character and really fought for her a lot behind the scenes.” When reflecting on the longevity of this series that ran from 2003-2012, Hilarie has noticed the loyal One Tree Hill fan community growing larger and larger as time goes on, as younger generations are now experiencing the series for the very first time through the in-demand world of video streaming. “It’s going to be weird when my son or my daughter comes of age and has to reckon with all the dumb stuff their mother did in her early twenties because it’s there forever,” Hilarie jokes.

FilmMagic

When referencing her One Tree Hill co-stars, which include Sophia Bush, Bethany Joy Lenz, James Lafferty and Chad Michael Murray, Hilarie says, “Those are going to be the people that I’m close with forever. Those are the people who were with me when I was most unsure about myself and we’ve all seen each other fall in love and break up and been through it. All of those life experiences matter, now that we are almost twenty years later and we’ll love each other forever. We’re always scheming on how to continue to work together.” When hoping Hilarie will elaborate further with any hints for fans, she responds, “I will say that the girls in particular are very, very close. We went through a lot together on that show and we evolved together on that show and so we may have some things in the works that we will be excited to promote later this summer.”

As Hilarie strives to make time for her new and revisited projects, she is consistently striving to make her family’s schedules work as one. “We definitely take turns. Jeffrey’s Walking Dead schedule is obviously the thing that takes precedent. So if I can maintain my side hustles around that (laughs) . The kids’ school year is a big deal for us and what has been really lovely is that in the time we have lived in the Hudson Valley, the film community there has really blossomed. Everything is about making it work for the family and I think once you have that as your center point, it makes every other decision that rolls around it very easy.”

Hilarie wrapped up our conversation thinking about other women in the world right now that have to juggle many responsibilities at once during this life-altering era of the pandemic. “For me, the struggle is always between being a good mom and working and quarantine pulled so many women out of the workforce. When I see those numbers of the amount of women that had to leave work to be able to take care of their children because schools were closed and because we didn’t know what this virus was going to do, that’s heartbreaking. Being able to be a working mother from home and take my kids to school and take them to dance class and write my book and produce movies is something I don’t take for granted at all. I want a shine a light on all the women who are doing it. Homeschool and working and cooking dinner and cleaning the house and just all of it. You’re never good enough. So for the women who out there trying their absolute best, I just want you to know you’re good enough and you’ve kicked ass and your kids are going to be great and they saw how much you cared and how hard you worked and that’s important.”

[rainydawgradioblog]

a covidsation with mary claire

For the first Covidsation for autumn quarter, here is an interview I did back in May with Mary Claire, my dear friend and one of my favorite local artists. Mary Claire is a singer-songwriter based here in Seattle who makes “sad girl rock” (see: Mitski, Angel Olsen, etc.). I first met them through the DIY scene and was lucky enough to book them at the finale Red Room show, a house venue I used to live at and help run. As evidenced by the picture below taken that very night, seeing Mary Claire play live is a magical, mesmerizing, captivating experience. Often accompanied with minimal, but tonally-rich instrumentals, their powerful and hauntingly stunning voice paired with visceral, poetic lyrics transport you into another realm. I *highly* recommend listening to their album Phantom Limb, which you can find on your streaming platform of choice or you can snag a physical copy at Everyday Music on the Hill like I did! Last month, they also just released an incredible stop-motion music video for their song off PL called “I Don’t Like Drinking”, directed, edited, and animated by Barb Hoffman, which you can find here! Thank you Mary Claire for these thoughtful responses and for creating such vulnerable, beautiful art <3

Lola Gil: Tell me about your project. How has it evolved? Which artists are you most inspired by? How would you describe your sound?

Mary Claire: Hi hi I’m Mary Claire. I was never someone who was playing music since they were a little kiddo, it was something I picked up my senior year of high school. But pretty much everyone in my family has some amazing and weirdly specific aptitude for music, so I think being surrounded by that kind of allowed me to gather an eclectic, personal understanding, appreciation, and internalized feeling for music, so I never really took lessons or anything like that. I enjoyed and still enjoy that from the start, I was okay with the fact that I didn’t know “academic” theory and I just played with what feels and sounds right. And I still do that. So I played around with all those youthful punk feelings and had an angsty band in high school that was not bad for small town Sacramento. I think I learned so much from that and it gave me a flood of unhindered and unhinged confidence for recording, performing, maneuvering stage mechanics and technicalities, etc. Also it introduced me into the world of songwriting that I did for that band and for myself that just immediately poured out of me, which led me to what I’m doing now. I am extremely lyrically-focused and write mostly about lived personal experience that I surrender to and make extremely overly-wordy. I went from a solo act, to a bigger full piece crunchier band, to me and a piano player, back to a solo set, so I’m really just kind of evolving with my resources, the songs I’m currently living in and playing, and with what would bring everything to life most fully. 

I’m inspired by everyone, even if I don’t necessarily sound like them or listen to them all the time. Like, my adoration for incredibly angry punk music is what got me started in the creation of my own music, so that foundation will never leave me. Even though I won’t sound like IDLES or Shame or Pissed Jeans, their point of view and their devotion to cramming so many words into one breath is a place I also come from. We execute similar feelings in different ways. And though I currently am not anything like Yves Tumor, King Krule, or FKA Twigs, the layers in their stuff sends me so far. But I think lyrically and melodically, I pull inspiration from and sink most into Mitski, Sasami, Angel Olsen, Palehound, Big Thief, Bella Porter, Darci Phenix, Fiona Apple, Sufjan Stevens, Izumi, and Weyes Blood. 

Someone once said my tunes are “sad girl rock” and I think that sticks in a fun, quick way, so that’s what I tell people. But more recently, the stuff on my upcoming album I think is like a sad, fucked up, incredibly fast-paced nursery rhyme book (lol). I’m really excited for this album I wrote, more than anything ever. Also my good friend and twin flame Francis is helping me record it and is giving me a lot of knowledge and challenges and affirmations and inspiration. I owe a lot of this second album’s production and complexity him. There are a lot more people involved in the recording of this one, so it’s a lot fuller in a new and exciting and scary way.

LG: As an artist, how have you been affected by the pandemic? I saw most of your tour you had booked was unfortunately cancelled-- are you planning on rescheduling?

MC: Rescheduling feels so completely beyond me right now, so I am just considering it to be cancelled until things in the world really start to settle down to some degree of safety and responsibility. However, the silver lining in all of this ‘rona stuff is that it has given me a ton of time to recenter myself with my music and devote my own energy into recording and feeling the core of my upcoming album. I think when the world is moving so fast, it’s easy for me to feel like I’m behind, like other people are getting shit done faster and in a more “impressive way”, in a way that matters more or has more inherent value. So when we are all forced to stay at home with ourselves, not only does it remind me that all of those insecurities are completely not real and are in fact a delusion borne from a capitalistic-productivity-equals-artistic-worth-framework, but I also get time to actually enjoy and fine tune what I otherwise might have just thrown out into the ether desperately and prematurely in hopes to be current and up to date and ~with it~.

LG: Have you been working on writing any new tunes? Have you been involved in any other creative projects recently?

MC: When I was recording Phantom Limb, I wrote the majority of my next upcoming album, so while those songs don’t feel incredibly new, there is a ton of stuff I have yet to share and that I am so eager to scream to the world. It feels like some of the stuff I am most proud of making in my entire life. 

But since I left for Berlin to study abroad last fall to when I came back to Seattle this January, I really hadn’t written anything new. I think I had been going through a lot of personal and immense change and hard growth that wasn’t particularly inspiring, it just sucked and was intense and necessary, but sometimes all that bad stuff is not something you can just make art out of. Plus I had to just do something totally different and invest and surrender to techno and being a gross city Eurotrash gremlin and let that out cathartically. But recently, I wrote my first super new song in what feels like ages, and I’m so happy. I was afraid maybe I’d forgotten how to do it, but it’s pouring out of me again and I feel like me again. I have also been working a bit back and forth with a friend from the project World Peace. We just keep sending clips back and forth and weaving our separate projects together a bit, which is something I’ve never done and I’m having a ton of fun, especially because our music is so different. Besides that, I have some plans to work with another good friend Izumi after having adored them the moment I moved here. 

LG: How have you personally been dealing with the pandemic and the craziness that is 2020? What has your quarantine experience been like so far?

MC: I went home to Sacramento for a month and watched more TV than I had probably in my entire life. It was really good to see my family and siblings who I miss so much. But I came back to Seattle in April and since then have just been spending my days in a limbo of online school weirdness. But I’m so fortunate that I live with so many people who are all so unique, all of whom I feel are my best friends. So I definitely don’t get too bored:)

LG: What music have you been listening to during quarantine? What has been your go-to isolation album?

MC: Okay to be honest, when I begin to think of my next album and what it feels like inside of me, I make one single playlist with like hours and hours of songs on it and it’s the only thing I listen to for like a year. So I’m prone to listening to the same stuff perpetually forever and always, but I think I’ve always sort of been like that. It makes the feeling familiar. But since I’ve felt close to the sounds of my upcoming album for a long while now, I’ve actually pretty much been listening to what is my ~album 3~ inspo playlist, because I already feel that beast growing inside of me. I’m a planner. 

Most of the artists on those playlists are the ones I listed above in regards to who I feel are my biggest inspirations. But right when quarantine started though I would pretty much only play Man Alive!, I would just go through the whole thing and then restart immediately. When I was in Sacramento, my family had a rule I could only play it with headphones because it was literally nonstop, that’s just how I consume things; I take a bath in them until I feel every single part of what was made. But other than that, I’ve been bumping Peter Campanelli’s Pesto Baby and crying a lot about it, Darci Phenix’s (my best bud from Sac) Juniper Street which is some of the best songwriting literally ever, and Francis Farmer’s Bruised Fruit which is SO expertly recorded and thought out, I am so lucky he is my friend and wants to record my upcoming album with me.

LG: Arethere any spring shows that you were particularly looking forward to attending that got cancelled?

MC: Pretty much all of them imaginable. 

LG: How do you think the Seattle music scene is going to be like post-COVID?

MC: Hopefully, this can recenter us and remind us we’re all really really and truly in this together. It’s up to us to lift each other up and get each other on bills and spread the word and create community for those who need it most and for those whose lives rely on this art. Seattle seems like it is really good at that on a small scale, but once it gets to a little bit larger stage, it’s easy for people to forget where they came from, who supported them, and what should be at the forefront of our radars. I think shedding this cool guy persona and getting back to why this shit is so important and listening to/PROMOTING smaller artists who are making The Best stuff is something everyone could be reminded to do. 

LG: In this funky era of social distancing, how do you think artists can support each other during these weird and difficult times? How do you think social media is facilitating and/or inhibiting connection within Seattle’s overall creative community?

MC: I think people’s ability to make what seemed like such an immediate switch to social media music promotion and shows was really amazing. However, it makes me feel a bit hopeless and dystopian and sci-fi in a weird way. That being said, trying to resist the change has only proven to be detrimental to me and kind has come back to kick me in the ass. Like, I should not be turning down opportunities just because livestreams kind of freak me out in how foreign and disconnected they can appear to be. I’m no better than them, and it’s important I think to accept things where they’re at instead of pretending they’re not happening. 

That being said, I think everyone has been maneuvering with such grace and empathy and compassion for others in a way that I can really feel, and I hope that sticks around forever. 

- Lola Gil

[nokomiss]

unprecedented times

title: Unprecedented Times

summary:   Stiles is handling quarantine like a champ, and is absolutely not pestering Derek at all.

Notes: For @lielabell, who requested sterek covid socially distancing fluff fic. Hope you enjoy!

***

Official Stilinski Mission Log: Day 2

It has been over forty-eight entire hours since having contact with the human world. Built a fort out of the toilet paper Dad commandeered from the convenience store. (okay, bought, whatever.)  Plan on living out of the fort until the world returns to normal.

Stiles was like, the best person ever to be quarantined. Like, seriously. He had an entire internet full of interesting information at his fingertips, and he absolutely did not miss Scott, and there was zero chance at all of him going all cabin fever-y and chopping through doors like Jack Nicholson.  

Zero. He was so fucking chill with not seeing or touching or being near anyone. He was going pull off this shit like The Martian. He wasn’t going to lose his shit at all.

Seriously.

*

Official Stilinski Mission Log: Day 3

Friends have abandoned me to my fate. No one is willing to rescue me from my boredom. Have tried calling most boring person possible and he managed to scowl at me over the phone. Not even video, just… an audio scowl. Probably should have recorded that for posterity,

“But you’re immune, right? So just come on over,” Stiles whined into his phone.

“We have no way of knowing that,” Derek said firmly.  Apparently he and Scott had been sharing notes, because that was exactly what he’d told Stiles, too.

“Uh, you’re a werewolf who has never had so much as sniffle? Dude, you’re invincible,” Stiles said.  

Derek sighed, and Stiles did his best to not memorize the way it sounded in his ear for replaying later on during Special Stiles Time. “Stiles. I’m not breaking quarantine just because you’re bored. It’s been two days.”

“Uh, it has now been three days, thank you very much,” Stiles informed Derek. “And I think that, if you look at the science, you’re wrong.”

“Goodbye, Stiles,” Derek said. 

“Wait! At least sing me a song--” but Derek hung up, leaving Stiles stuck in the wasteland that was his room, alone except for Netflix and Fort TP.

*

Official Stilinski Mission Log: Day 6

Fort TP has become a refuge in these troubled times. Have installed christmas lights and a Ouija board, but so far have been unable to contact any interesting conversationalists.  Had brilliant thought about creating a vaccine using werewolf dna, but realized that would infect people  with lycanthropy which potentially could cause even more problems long term.

Stiles, after suffering through an online class that was seventy percent his professor talking about the fact that it was an online class, thought he should treat himself,  so he video-called Scott.  

Scott was deemed essential, since puppies need to be fed and walked and taken care of, so Stiles got to take a tour of the vet’s office and make cooing noises at all the puppers that Scott introduced him to.  It was easily the highlight of his week.  

After Scott introduced him to a particularly charming shepherd, Stiles casually asked, “So you’ve been in town the last few months… how’s ole grumpypants holding up? Still sad and alone?”

Scott looked up from the dog, and gave Stiles the exact same look he’d just given a beagle who had fruitlessly tried to steal treats from the counter.  “Are you asking if Derek is single?”

“Uh, no, I was asking after his mental well-being,” Stiles said defensively.

“He has the pack,” Scott said. He grinned at Stiles. “Single, though. He mentioned you called him.”

“I never.. I was just bored,” Stiles said and abruptly hung up the phone, even though it meant not seeing the shepherd dance with Scott.  

*

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 15

Have new working theory that Beacon Hills is actually under a curse. Maybe i should learn magic to break the spell and return life to normal. Well. What passes for normal around here.

“So like, I’ve had so much time to think, and I realized that this is like freaking utopia for you,” Stiles said.  He had chosen to ignore Scott’s teasing and continued to call Derek daily, because Derek was sad enough, he definitely needed the cheering-up that Stiles could provide.

“Is it really?” Derek’s eyebrows did the thing that they do, like they’re emojis punctuating his sentences. Like billboards over Derek’s eyes flashing the eyeroll emoji.

“I mean, brooding, staying at home, not talking to anyone… you must teach me the secrets of your ways,” Stiles said. “It’s totally unfair how good at this you are. Look at you, my man. Lemme see what you’re wearing. Are those actual jeans?”

Derek shifted the camera to focus solely on his face. “Stiles, please tell me you’re wearing pants.”

“Of course I am,” Stiles lied, even though the first rule of Fort TP was No Pants Allowed. And actually, if he was British, he wouldn’t even be lying, a fact that he considered telling Derek smugly before deciding to let it drop.  Not his underwear, but the topic. 

Not that he would be opposed to dropping his underwear for Derek, but that was neither here nor there. And a topic totally under the purview of ‘things Stiles didn’t let himself think about while actively having a conversation with Hottie McEyebrows.’

Stiles was so desperately horny, was the problem though. It wasn’t that he had an active dating life at college, but he at least had contact with other humans and that somehow made jerking off in the shower less depressing.

And he didn’t regularly video chat with Derek while at college, either, which… possibly was a contributing factor. Derek’s face should be illegal, seriously.

“If you don’t have any more insults for me,” Derek said, “I’m gonna go now.”

“And do what?” Stiles said, hoping for an exciting answer. “Gimme some ideas, Dere-bear.”

Derek blinked a few startled times, looking more like a confused kitten than the werewolf he was, and then said, “I’m going to just. Go. Now.”

Stiles tried to stop him, but the annoying thing about video calls was that he couldn’t fling himself bodily in front of the end-call button.

*

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 16

Is it normal to miss standing in lines? 

When Derek answered, his hair was wet and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Water droplets rolled slowly down his pecs, as if in slow motion. 

Stiles made a sound previously only heard from Muppets and turned off his phone.

Mortified, he didn’t call Derek again for two days, even though he hovered his finger longingly over his name at least once an hour.

*

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 18

A positive in all this: hiding your face in shame is so, so much easier.

Stiles kept replaying the noise he had made upon seeing Derek’s glistening torso -- and it wasn’t even like he’d never seen Derek’s shirtless body, seriously, sometimes it was like Derek was allergic to shirts, and when he did wear them, they were so stupidly tight that they might as well not even exist at all, and his reaction had been --

Well, his reaction had been what his reaction always was, only this time in his outside-voice.

Probably he was making it weirder by  not calling Derek for his daily dose of entertainment. Since Derek had to be aware of Stiles’s hormonal reaction to him. He was a werewolf. He could probably sense horny from a mile away.

Though that theory was shot down a bit by exactly how many teenagers Derek had spent prolonged amounts of time with. Stiles sent Scott a slightly panicked do werewolves smell boners text that he immediately regretted.

Scott immediately responded with an upside-down smiley face and  not through the phone.

Scott was easily the worst best friend ever. Easily.

*

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day Whatever

Fort TP is dwindling alarmingly. Must venture into the wastelands to procure building materials.

The grocery store, as it turned out, was still there.  Still just standing in the parking lot, lights on, shelves at least mostly full of food and essentials.

Not the essential Stiles was after, though.

He was staring woefully at the empty shelves when he heard the squeak of a cart turning into the aisle, then stopping abruptly.

“Hey, you’re going the wrong way down a one-way---” Stiles began, then stopped just as abruptly as the cart as he realized he was bitching at Derek.

Derek looked like he wanted to slink away into the shadows, but unfortunately for him, no shadows were to be found in the toilet paper aisle.  He was wearing a pink floral mask that looked absolutely precious with his leather jacket, and Stiles felt his mouth quirk up into a snicker.

“What?” Derek said defensively.

“You look cute,” Stiles said, which was true on oh so many levels, and he was so happy that his own mask (plaid and not nearly as festive) covered the blush that resulted.  Looking closer, he could see that it wasn’t a pink floral mask, but rather, a pink mask covered in tiny pastel chibi wolves.

“Cora thinks she’s funny.”  

“Cora is my favorite Hale,” Stiles said cheerfully, a total lie, but worth it to see Derek’s eyebrows veer together crankily.  

He edged his cart closer.  Close enough that he could tell that Derek, besides having put on actual jeans and leather jacket to venture to the grocery store, also smelled unfairly good. Stiles was pretty sure he smelled like Fruit Loops, and he was wearing sweatpants with a threadbare Beacon Hills t-shirt. 

Derek was absolutely close enough to smell him, and his conversation with Scott flashed through his mind like it was accompanied by the Kill Bill sirens. Whatever happened, he couldn’t let Derek know how desperately he wanted him.  

Their carts were facing each other, creating a socially responsible barrier that Stiles had never resented so fully until this moment.  “They’re out,” he said dumbly, gesturing towards the empty toilet paper shelves.

“Um, isn’t your little house made of toilet paper?” Derek asked. “Do you  really need more?”

“It’s a fort, thank you very much,” Stiles said with great dignity.  

“Sorry?” 

Stiles wondered why Derek always looked so wrong-footed when he was talking to him. 

 “It’s really nice to see you in person,” he blurted out, because apparently a side effect of never seeing people in the flesh was forgetting how to have a normal interaction with them.

But then Derek’s eyes crinkled in a way that showed he was actually smiling under his mask, and wow, Stiles hated that mask for obscuring that view, and said, “Yeah, it is.”

“Wanna shop together?” Stiles asked, because he was unwilling to walk away.

Derek nodded, and the next hour was the best Stiles had spent in months. Possibly ever, even though he never got to get any closer than six feet away.  An entire Derek length, he thought ridiculously. A prone Derek on the floor, that was the distance they had to keep.

Stiles bought way too much junk food and made fun of Derek’s basic groceries.  Leaving in separate cars felt like torture.

*

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 19

Contemplating trips to the grocery store in hopes of bumping into… someone you know… is not socially responsible. Don’t do it, Stilinski.

“Stiles, you realize it’s only been a few weeks, right?” Lydia said.  He could hear the tapping of her fingertips on a keyboard in the background, and of course Lydia was still motivated enough to do schoolwork, even when talking to someone as brilliant and entertaining as Stiles.

“Lydia. You’re a genius, you know perfectly well we’ve been at this for 456 agonizing hours.”  Stiles was honestly disappointed; he’d thought that Lydia would understand his plight.

“I know, I’ve actually had the time to thoroughly research my final paper,” Lydia said happily. “I’m thinking of trying to get it published.”

“Yeah, I totally am doing that with my papers, too,” Stiles said, which. Theoretically he could, as none of his final papers had been written yet. Probably he could make a scientific breakthrough if he really wanted to.

“Uh-huh,” said Lydia, who knew him entirely too well. “So what’s your quarantine hyperfixation been? Please don’t say that tiger guy.”

“Nope,” Stiles said. “Not a tiger guy.”

“A wolf guy maybe?” Lydia’s voice was sly.

“What did Scott tell you?”

“Nothing,” Lydia sing-songed. “Allison, on the other hand, mentioned that you’re mooning over Tall, Dark and Moody.”

“I am not mooning! I have never mooned in my life,” Stiles protested.

Lydia’s silence was pointed and devastating.

“Okay,” Stiles said, because she had a fair point. “Maybe I’ve been known to moon gently over someone. But. I mean. You’ve seen him. You know what a trainwreck of precious proportions he is. I mean. I can’t help it!”

“Oh, sweetie,” Lydia said gently. “You’ve got it bad.”

Stiles couldn’t even argue.  He was so fucked.

*

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 27

What a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Stiles practically skipped down the stairs, awash in his own brilliance. Building a pantry onto Fort TP was something he couldn’t believe it took him nearly thirty days to come up with.

Well, maybe he could. Things were starting to get a little fuzzy. Probably he should be putting more effort into his schoolwork.

He heard voices as he turned into the living room, but didn’t think anything of it until the couch and table came into view. Well, more notably, his father’s open laptop, full-screened onto an image of Melissa McCall with her shirt flung open.

“Oh my god,” Stiles said as Melissa echoed him and jerked her shirt closed.

“Oh my god,” said the Sheriff, and while his shirt was blissfully on, his pants were clearly unbuttoned, belt hanging open. “I forgot you were here.”

Stiles clamped his hand over his eyes, but his mind traitorously kept replaying the one-second image of Scott’s mom’s tits. “Where else would I be?”

There was a telling silence, and okay, maybe Stiles’ brain wasn’t the only fuzzy one around here.

“I’m just gonna…” Stiles kept his hand over his eyes resolutely as he backed out of the living room towards the front door. “Leave. Now.”

“You don’t have to--” his dad said, though even to Stiles’ ears it didn’t sound sincere.

“Bye,” Stiles said, flinging himself out the front door and finally removing his hand from his eyes. Then he remembered, oh yeah, keys are a thing that exist, and knocked loudly before opening the door again and grabbing them.

Stiles drove aimlessly around town, drumming his fingertips on his steering wheel, full of nervous energy. He thought about calling Scott, but he didn’t trust himself to not blurt out something about how great his mom’s tits were, so he decided that only one of them truly needed to be traumatized this day. Things were rough enough as is.

Eventually, aimless driving lead him to the parking lot outside Derek’s loft.  Stiles sat in the Jeep for a few long moments, trying to decide whether this was a good idea or not, before deciding, fuck it.

He went inside.  Knocked on Derek’s door, like that was a normal thing he did all the time. And when Derek opened a few moments later, a confused look on his face, Stiles further added to his confusion by flinging himself forward.  His rough plan had been to hug him -- it had been so long since he’d had physical contact -- but apparently his body didn’t quite get that memo and instead he kissed him, full on the lips.

“Mmrph?” Derek said into his mouth, which -- okay, that made it even better.  Derek seemed to think so, too, as the kiss lasted way longer than an impulsive greeting-kiss between friends ought to. Probably included more tongue, too, but who was Stiles to say that wasn’t normal.

When they broke apart, panting, and Derek looking almost preciously confused, Stiles said, “Hey, now we have to quarantine together. Neat.”

“What?” Derek blinked at him a few times.

Stiles pushed his way into Derek’s loft, glorying in how different it was from his own room, and said, “I’m just gonna hang out here until the plague’s up.”

He headed over to the sink, washing his hands like a responsible houseguest as he explained the situation. “And they were doing that right there, in front of my Twizzlers!” he concluded.  

Derek just said, “Everyone’s a little frustrated right now…” like he thought that the Sheriff had every right to have sexy video meetings right there in the living room.

“Of course we are!” Stiles exclaimed, inadvertently flinging soap across the room. He finished rinsing his hands as he said, “but we keep that shit to our bedrooms and the shower, right?”

There was a faint flush to Derek’s unfairly beautiful cheekbones, and -- oh, okay, so maybe Derek didn’t. Stiles cast his eyes around the room and felt a montage of Derek having Special Derek Time in various spots around the loft flash before his eyes. Probably now Derek wasn’t the only one blushing.

“Well,” Stiles said. “I mean.” He looked around again. “As your houseguest, I grant you full permission to do… whatever you like… in the living room.”

“Gracious of you,” Derek muttered. Then he looked back at the door. “Wait, houseguest? You don’t even have bags.”

Stiles didn’t. Stiles decided to brazen it out. “Where we’re going, I won’t need bags. Or clothes. Hopefully?”

Derek blinked at him again, and Stiles decided that meant to go for it, so he kissed him again, this time with intent.

“Yeah, okay, it is unprecedented times,” Derek mumbled into his mouth. “Clothes are very much optional.”

Stiles didn’t need to be told twice.