#after having a bad period of time
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god I should read the secret history again
#it's sO good#but idk where it is in the house#somewhere i guess#it is back in my brain#after having a bad period of time#which means it's the only hyperfixation that has briefly relieved me from the horrors on two separate occasions#also ykw. richard papen can be added to the characters that attack me personally by just existing bc they're sooo me#up there with pierre gringoire and hilda ogden#okay anyway#it's the closest thing I've got to a hyperfixation these days and it's not even a full hyperfixation#it's more ''omg remember when you were obsessed with that. that was so cool let's think about it again''#a casual hyperfixation#anyway i'm not speaking proper sentences i'm gonna go back to plummeting into the tag#ramble
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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people really do not know what they're talking about when it comes to Elizabeth Woodville's social status, huh?
#yes Elizabeth was without a doubt considered too low-born to be queen#no she was not a commoner and nobody actually called her that during her life (so I'm not sure why people are claiming that they did?)#Elizabeth's social status was not a problem in itself; it was a problem in the context of queenship and marrying into royalty#Context is important in this and for literally everything else when it comes to analyzing history. Any discussion is worthless without it.#obviously pop culture-esque articles claiming that she was 'a commoner who captured the king's heart' are wrong; she wasn't#But emphasizing that ACTUALLY she was part of the gentry with a well-born mother and just leaving it at that as some sort of “GOTCHA!”#is equally if not more irresponsible and entirely irrelevant to discussions of the actual time period we're studying.#Elizabeth *was* considered unworthy and unacceptable as queen precisely because of her lower social status#her father and brother had literally been derided as social-climbers by Salisbury Warwick and Edward himself just a few years earlier#the Woodvilles' marriage prospects clearly reflected their status (and 'place') in society: EW herself had first married a knight and all#siblings married within the gentry to people of a similar status. compare that to the prestigious marriages arranged after EW became queen#Elizabeth having a lower social status was not 'created' by propaganda against her; it fueled and shaped propaganda against her#that's a huge huge difference; it's irresponsible and silly to conflate the two as I've seen a recent tumblr post cavalierly do#like I said she was considered too low-born to be queen long before any of the propaganda Warwick Clarence or Richard put out against her#and the fact that Elizabeth was targeted on the basis of her social status was in itself novel and unprecedented#no queen before her was ever targeted in such a manner; Clearly Elizabeth was considered notably 'different' in that regard#(and was quite literally framed as the enemy and destroyer of 'the old royal blood of this realm' and all its actual 'inheritors' like..)#ngl this sort of discussion always leaves a bad taste in my mouth#because it's not like England and France (et all) are at war or consider each other mortal enemies in the 21st century#both are in fact western european imperialistic nations who've been nothing but a blight to the rest of the world including my own country#yet academic historians clearly have no problem contextualizing the xenophobia that medieval foreign queens faced as products of their time#and sympathizing with them accordingly (Eleanor of Provence; Joan of Navarre; Margaret of Anjou; etc)(at least by their own historians)#Nor were foreign queens the “worst” targets of xenophobia: that was their attendants or in times of war commoners or soldiers#who actually had to bear the brunt of English aggression#queens were ultimately protected and guaranteed at least a veneer of dignity and respect because of their royal status#yet once again historians and people have no problem contextualizing and understanding their difficulties regardless of all this#so what is the problem with contextualizing the classism *Elizabeth* faced and understanding *her* difficulties?#why is the prejudice against her constantly diminished & downplayed? (Ive never even seen any historian directly refer to it as 'classism')#after all it was *Elizabeth* who was more vulnerable than any queen before her due to her lack of powerful foreign or national support#and Elizabeth who faced a form of propaganda distinctly unprecedented for queens. it SHOULD be emphasized more.
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#meg talks#tmi gross medical stuff ig#oh but also#emeto warning#menstruation warning#tried to put on my hip brace and the compression or the way i moved made me spasm so bad i puked#i can’t keep fucking doing this man im nearly out of leave time#and im so physically exhausted it’s a struggle to stay awake even after like 10 hours of sleep#and my period has been going for like a fucking month straight#what is going ON#‘’you have long covid’’ ‘’you need to see a gyno’’ ‘’you need steroid shots’’ ‘’you need physical therapy’’ ‘’you need a wfh job’’#‘’you need a ground floor apartment’’ ‘’you need to eat better’’ ‘’you need new meds’’#‘’you need to take more regular vacations to rest’’ ‘’you need to stress less’’#well where the FUCK do i get the money for any of these things#like what am i supposed to do abt any of these problems without money. or a college degree ig but that comes back to money#i just want a wfh job where i can be part of a union… or even union staff… i don’t want to give up the fight…#sigh.
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tfw you're not sure if it's anxiety or hunger making your stomach hurt so you try to eat and unfortunately it was definitely anxiety
#i feel. so bad.#personal#cannot finish this fucking meal. don't want to throw it away bc i know I'll regret it later#having situations in/around my house that are stressful makes me very anxious because it gives me nowhere to go to escape them#and after the last few years the only way i cope with anything is having a safe space to hide from stuff#when that's gone i kinda fall apart. blah#(i am objectively safe btw don't worry about me#my neighbour however is in a less good situation and periodically knocks on my door for help#at unpredictable times and with unpredictable requests)
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middle school boys during kickball in gym make me hate being a girl so much
#they wonder why we hate playing it and then when we’re forced to they say they worst things ever about us#“this is why nobody watches the wnba!!!” “kick it bitch!!!!” “maybe this is why women are afraid of balls” this time im really gonna do it#im in fourth period art rn 😥(i have PE third)#i had to kick very last and i was shaking so bad i wanted to die right there#i was crying after but my friend comforted me ❤️ she’s pretty athletic too so i just hid behind her 😭#i
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i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe
#had suchhh a good workday. had hot pot with my roommate where we talked about our quarter life crises#and then came home and had a 3 hour screaming match with both of my parents where i said i was cutting them out of my life#it turns out. my dad still does not understand what the word bi means even tho his fucking wife is bi#he was like 'so you marry someone and six months later you see someone else you like and u go marry them instead?'#like genuinely. truly trying to understand#and that shocked me enough to stop crying#do not reblog please#like in hindsight it is SO funny#and that was the point where i was like. wait is this not malice#this is homophobia but i don't think it's malice#anyways we're all Ok now#we've agreed that i'm going to do what i want#and even if they're unhappy they're still gonna have a relationship with me#and they'll figure out how to adjust#my brother periodically came into the room and also screamed at my parents#i feel bad for them a lil bit. like they're not bad people#after he left my mom told me that a week and a half ago#my brother came into her room and told her that when she died he would bury her in a grave instead#of the traditional last rites (cremation rituals etc etc)#if she wouldn't accept me#and my mom said she was on a bunch of meds cause she's sick so she was so out of it it didn't even register what he was going on about#and then today after that convo she was like WAIT A MIN WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS BOY SAY TO ME#funniest 16 year old u could have on your side#truly he kept coming into the room every 5 min and going HEY HAVE YOU BOTH CONSIDERED NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. HAVE YOU.#HEY CAN U TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU STILL LOVE HER MAYBE??? THINK??? USE YOUR BRAIN???#this is why i would die for this kid#he's the best#he's such an idiot most of the time but when he's not being an idiot he's my favorite person on earth#don't tell him that tho anyone please#he'll hold it against me forever and ever as siblings do
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hey if rinne can have his mum and niki can have his can himeru have kaname back
He nii-chan jacket too big for he gotdamn he,,,,,
#enstars#himeru#kaname tojou#himeru can have 1 nice thing from me. as a treat.#but also 'cause i felt bad for that other doodle req where he was suffering--#'cause i meant to draw something nice for him afterwards but never got around to it so he can have this#anyways so himeru is so incredibly smart yet stupid.#i have said this on main.#YOU BETTER READ THIS PART#there's no way he doesn't know you start losing bone and muscle mass after being bedridden for an extensive period of time.#so there's already a gulf of physical difference between him and kaname (because he is. a very physically active idol)#what is he gonna do when kaname wakes up WHAT IS HE GONNA DO WHEN KANAME WAKES UP#kaname's most likely gonna be in a wheelchair when he does but. yeah my point still stands#'physically identical' my ass#doodle req#sana postal service
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i keep getting tiktoks of these younger gen z kids referencing a time they did something relating to fandom in public and now they're embarrassed by it and everytime i see one i sit there thinking over all of middle and high school and having genuinely 0 moments that i feel embarrassed by, like i definitely did a lot of shit these kids would be embarrassed by but i think these are all just really fucking funny
also photographic evidence of the kinda kid i was. these are from 2014/15 when i was in 8th grade
-desolation row one shot(still on wattpad gerard way/reader smut)
-twerk it on (mcr crack fanfic no longer on wattpad but i have another fic in my library called twerking in taco bell which definitely ALSO used for my reading log)
-frank iero must die(a serial killer/assassin frerard fic, still on wattpad)
-hair (really vague maybe a phanfic? nowhere in my wattpad library rip)
my binder i used in 7th grade i had a blue one that looked pretty similar to this for 8th grade but idk where it went, also the parts i scribbled out are my full legal name i had written on it. i wrote it normally and then the big spot is where i wrote my name REALLY BIG in elysian code from the vladimir tod books. also the lines are from when i used an exacto knife to cut up some papers and forgot that my binder was underneath
in conclusion yall can now see why im so shameless about talking about shigaraki the way i do
#base line i started sobbing IN THE MIDDLE OF MATH CLASS and had my phone taken away bc i was watching the mv for the ghost of you by mcr#i went to school with cat whiskers#me and my bsf made a presentation about an imaginary trip to the planet uranus and we filled it with so many memes and butt puns she started#laughing so hard she couldn't breathe and i had to do the entire presentation alone and we got a standing ovation#my 8th grade science teacher hated us#another time same class we had an assignment where we had to make a bunch of words with the periodic table and we did shrek and lucifer one#after another and when we turned it in our teacher read it and immediately told us to leave💀💀#same class again different friend we saw NA on the periodic table and started singing nanana by mcr and got sent out of class bc we started#laughing so hard we couldn't breathe#high school i would eddie munson on the lunch tables#found that aspect of eddie so relatable#filmed youtube videos at my old hs that STILL EXIST ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL#id honestly have them up for anyone to see but my old bsf found them extremely embarrassing and she thinks i deleted them#i used to go to school with a whole library in my backpack like the entire pjo/hoo series of unfortunate events harry potter etc#my backpack had a bunch of doodles on it and it said battaco big asf and it was an inside joke with my friends for years bc of it#i also used to go to school dressed as frank iero/gerard way/etc#pete wentz eyeliner#larped with the anime club in this little corner outside of the library bc it had a bunch of trees and a 6 ft long stick that we took turns#holding and screaming YOU SHALL NOT PASS‼️‼️#the middle school book club had movies days on fridays and when people tried to vote to watch the lighting thief movie i stood on my chair#and spent so long bitching about how bad it was that we had to do the movie the next monday bc people needed to go home and the librarian#could not stop my righteous fury#a teacher assaulted me trying to get me to stand for the flag so i dead weight dropped on top of him and then ran around the class to stay#away(real hard to do in a small music classroom) and when i got tired of that i beat him up a little and i didnt get in trouble bc he was#really embarrassed i got the drop on him(bc i had tiddies)#that man hated me for being trans#really got mad at me when the pledge started after that and id get up and salute while singing welcome to the black parade#was also genuinely bad at soccer that my teacher sent me off to other teachers when our class did soccer bc the only time i ever got the#ball i kicked it into the wrong goal#i got more stories but i ran out of tags :(
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🍷
#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking#they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly#keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time#bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy#but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point#bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be#proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is#yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol#and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao#and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel#i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks#why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls#and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others#but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on#ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives#so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok#ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down#i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal#like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve#i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that#i still feel depressed tho <3#idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to#i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk#im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol
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they call me the griever because halfway through a thing I enjoy I’m already sad that it’s closer to being over
#blue chatter#trying to work on not doing this#and just enjoying the thing in the moment#this happens to me a lot with school breaks and such#like ‘oh I love being on spring break but I’m sad bc I’m already 3 days in’#‘oh I love summer vacation so far it’s too bad it’s already a month over’#and I’m like NO!!!!! blue!!!!!!!! you’re missing the point!!!!!!!!#you have the joy *right now* and you are SPOILING IT bc you’re too busy looking ahead to when it will be gone!!!!!!!!!#it happens with friend visits a lot. it’s less bad now but it still happens.#like. the first time I visited friends over spring break I woke up in the early morning of the last morning and just cried#because I only had a few hours left before I had to get on the plane home#and I start hurriedly stuffing seconds and minutes into my mouth and refusing to swallow#because maybe if I just cling extra hard then the time won’t pass-#but it does pass. and that’s okay. and I know that’s okay because life had more joyful things after that moment#had I stayed there on that day I would have been frozen as a much more miserable person#my friends themselves would have been very different people#I mean. fuck. between then and now two of us figured out our genders. both of them got married. they moved somewhere else now.#there’s a lot of little joys that got left behind there. a church they loved. a local park. mountains and windy streets.#but I wouldn’t hold ourselves there. which I try to remind myself when I start crying about lost time again#because yeah. this will end someday. human lifespans aren’t infinite.#but the future is full of life I still have to live. there’s no saying that I can’t have good things again.#and this period of my life is rapidly rushing towards a much more uncertain future and I know that and it’s scary#I know I have about 11 months to make several very adult decisions that will determine a lot of my future#but no matter what I choose this period of my life is not wasted#and I don’t need to hurriedly optimize every second and mourn losing them#and I know that. and I still feel sad and mourny. but that might be more indicative that I’m hungry or smth.
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how I announce a positive COVID test to my household:
#red said#HEY FRIENDS BAD NEWS. it's a COVID!!!!#over the last 2 years the chat has been named#plague house#unplague house#replague house#un-replague house#re-replague house#un-re-replague house#and now this#that's Aimee's COVID then me and Sam then Aimee again now me again#we name it unplague celebratorily whenever we're done quarantining#this may seem like a lot of cases of COVID but in fairness#a) 3 of them occurred during the period where Aimee was working at the test centre. although i don't think that's what caused me and Sam's#cause my colleague in the borders went down the same time as me a few days after we met up down there#so i think we both got it at that cafe#and also b) 2 of them happened after people largely stopped testing regularly so all I'm saying is.#i don't think we've had it more than most but i do think between the 3 of us we've stayed pretty good at testing#and we keep track in the chat cause we quarantine separately and thus far have never dealt with a situation where all of us have COVID
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suddenly remembering how we used to write down conversations between our old host and their "ocs" (see: headmates) during school when we were super stressed out. hmm.
#this is from the same time period that we found out Aerina was from so we were def a system but still an egg#still in that all-systems discord rp server while i was doing this and still clueless 😭 like i think abt that fact so often i am Dumb 😭😭#but like. we have a few memories of doing this during exams and things. and we had not had our syscovery yet#but like. in those few fragmented memories. i can Tell there's multiple people there#like?? i don't know how to describe how we know if a memory was formed by multiple of us or just one of us#like if multiple people are near front or if it's just one in that memory#and sometimes we can tell OH that was THAT GUY that makes so much more sense now but not often#but we can tell when a memory is from a cofronting time? idk it's weird#these were conversations with the same guys we had after the syscovery though with a few exceptions#sometimes i wonder if it would be a bad idea to try to find all my old fave fanfics of the time to try to unearth some fictives-#we definitely had at least one. i know for sure. from a specific fic#bc we dressed up as one of those fic characters for halloween#it was specifically a fanfic character that guy was not in the canon whatsoever lmao
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hmmmm thinking thoughts again
#1) i know 100% certain that i am asexual and have been certain for a long time#2) my best friend and i we've been messing about nothing too far but kinda a more than friends less than lovers type situation#3) is he attractive yes do i enjoy the affection and attention yes and yet this leads to#4) every time we spend time alone for a significant period of time (like tonight) i always end up anxious and bad tummy ache#like not fun :(#but i trust him and im relaxed when hes around its after he leaves that it hits#but its only after we've been close and personal together not like on a day to day basis#so 5) am i not enjoying the physical attention as much i thought? or is it from past shit ? or idk#bc i know im not aro bc i do experience attraction#but its all so frustrating#bc i want to be able to stop being tense and anxious at the thought of being intimate with him bc the attraction is there#its just not right like it doesn't feel natural like i have to think about everything i do#i dont fucking know#humans and attention and romance and touch and all that shit is fucked up idk#irl
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Dick drops Damian off at Joey’s to babysit and Damian is so pressed on the car ride there. Like first of all he doesn’t NEED a babysitter and even if he did why can’t he just go with Dick? Dick is so hateful, he preaches all that bullshit about love and tolerance and care for family but now that Damian needs him he’s abandoning him??? To a STRANGER?! Dick will rue this day, the day of his ultimate BETRAYAL.
Dick goes to pick Damian up and he refuses to leave.
#he’s covered in paint and there’s 70s music going on in the background and if Richard picks him up rn it’s proof he doesn’t love him so….#whenever literally anything happens he demands to go to Joey’s to be babysat.#I am but a child Grayson. I cannot be on my own. it’s dangerous.#literally everyone but Jason is at the manor rn.#Joey ofc joins Damian to gang up on dick#‘what if something happens and the only way it can be solved is by him being possessed by someone with more experience hm? what then?’#that’s his son now#dick wonders if this is how bruce feels sometimes#Joey visits wayne manor but it’s not the same#(bc Joey’s place doesn’t have any bad memories associated unlike WM but this ain’t about angst so)#Dick is chill yknow like he KNEW Damián and Joey would get along he’s not feeling replaced at all#…until he sees Damian rocking overalls. he only started wearing them after meeting Joey and before that he would’ve killed himself before-#-even considering. but NOW?!#oh hc that Joey regularly wears overalls btw. last tag doesn’t make sense without that#anyways Damian is trying to get dick and Joey together now. it literally makes the most and when dick is like m#‘bro u cannot do that’ Damian is like ‘I thought u wanted me to be happy…’ and joeys like ‘I DID hear u say that (lying)’#Damian may be a child of divorce but he refuses to be a child of two idiots who didn’t even realize they were in love. embarrassing.#Joey absolutely let’s Damian be a kid he introduces him to fingerpainting and he goes wild#personal hc that’s totally not projection that Damian feels like he not only has to master everything but do it at 100% every time period#Joey is like no bro like ik the process of getting a painting right is satisfying but u can draw a squiggly line and you’ll be fine I swear#it takes Damian a while bc he gets it mentally but he physically can’t like he feels so much shame at the thought of smth ‘imperfect’#everything Damian draws goes on the fridge and the walls and in frames around Dick and joeys apartment bc duh#but all three of them have an adoration for the fucked up bee Damian fingerpainted with wonky lines a goofy smile and the colors bleeding-#-out the lines.#all of this is like when Damian is 11 to me like ik he is older now but they kept him in such a wack environment I need to fix it#anyways
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