#after i read all of it i might do like a companion/general thoughts posts tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lilliesofinspirationvalley · 6 months

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Quick overview on Lilli's Pokémon... Rewrite? Verse? Idk what this is lmao

All I really know for sure is that I have a lot of thoughts about pokemon's lore and plotlines. I want to try my hand at connecting stuff with a little more continuity because it's fun! There's no way I can get to everything because we'd be here all day, but I figured I'd set up the basic premise and include some fun notes/headcanons!

My general idea is focusing from the anime (up until Horizons) while also including more components from the games (such as more of the SWSH plot/rivals, Emma from XY's post game, Zinnia and the Delta Episode, etc). I also include a multitude of my own original characters, along with some of my friends' (most prominently @starkitters's goobers). Storylines are generally divided up by "sagas" based on the original generation they take place in! I may include some Horizons as it would coincide with ScaVio, but I need to catch up with that series (though from the looks of it it’s all pretty banger)!

This concept is definitely going to mostly get smaller things of art/comics/drabbles and whatnot rather than a full-fic/comic series or whatever because... oh gosh there's way too much. Also obviously not going to cover every single anime episode bit by bit because that would make me insane!!

As for a general timeline— a lot of this main stuff would kinda unfold in the span of 2-3 years? I might make it longer, but then again a lot can happen in even just a month, y’know? Generally, Ash would stay 10 between Indigo League-Advanced, 11 by DP-XYZ, and 12 during SuMo-Journeys. The Legends Arceus shenanigans would probably be during Journeys and the ScaVio stuff is definitely after (I'm thinking potentially a year or so after Journeys' saga would be wrapped up? Though it could even be immediately after idk).

There is. A ton of information even just in this little intro post, and a lot of it isn’t even fully concrete either. But if you find the time to read through it all, I’d really appreciate feedback!

General/Introductory Information

Earlier involvement from rivals/evil teams such as the Galar Rivals, N and Team Plasma, Team Skull, etc! All of that will be covered more in the respective sagas they all appear in, lol

I'm kind of on the fence for whether or not more player characters would be included? May, Dawn, and Serena are canon companions/major characters the anime, I'm including Brendan as Birch's son and Lucas as Dawn's twin brother, Akari and Rei are both going to be native to Hisui, etc.

So far, the mc roles that are taken up by OCs include my characters Lilac (involved in XYZ/SuMo but becomes a Swsh Gym Challenger), Stacy (Emmet's daughter, travels back to Hisui to find her missing Uncle), and Chrys (main Naranja student involved with Nemona, Arven, Penny, and also Kieran and Blueberry stuff). @starkitters's oc Arthur also kinda takes an mc role as Hop's bestie/neighbor and the two of them work with the knight-wolf duo (Zacian and Zamazenta) instead of Ash and Goh just kinda... feeling shoved in there. Ash and his Journeys buddies still get involved in the Darkest Day shenanigans, but another Gym challenger/Hop's bestie)

While characters like Red and Blue/Green aren't really going to be involved since Ash and Gary already kinda take up those roles, there is potential in making like... Ash's dad a Red-esque character? A character based on Leaf? We've also gotten cameos of Jimmy (Gold/Ethan) and Marina (Krys) from the old OVAs and Lyra is briefly seen during DP... but tbh we get so little on them it wouldn't be too difficult to make the OVAs an au or something? I'll have to play with all of it.

The Black and White/Best Wishes saga is going to get some major storyline reworks. Team Rocket (Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobuffet, etc) aren't going to start actually doing evil shit/working directly with Giovanni out of nowhere. Rather, they get have their own route uncovering stuff about N and Team Plasma, which follows more of the storyline from BW1. Characters from BW2 like Colress and Hugh are definitely still going to appear and their deal won't really change too much, but I'll have to figure out their involvement (especially with Colress he’s got a lot of potential for his own stuff imo). Cheren and Bianca are in a "halfway" sorta period and acting as apprentices for Lenora and Juniper respectively.

I'm mostly going off of the Scarlet side of the ScaVio storyline, with Naranja Academy being in Mesagoza and Sada being the professor inside Area Zero. However, Uva Academy and Turo are also going to be involved! Essentially, Naranja is a school that focuses on helping its students figure out and prepare for careers connected with pokemon (trainers, coordinators, breeders, doctors/nurses, etc) in a more general sense. Uva Academy in Zapapico is primarily a research school (especially prominent for professors and scientists) while Blueberry in Unova specializes in professional battling (League Members, Battle Facilities, etc). Naranja provides courses and connections for careers Uva and Blueberry have niches in, but it's the difference between attending a more well-rounded school and attending a specialized one, if that makes sense.

Turo develops the Terastral Orbs used throughout the Paldea region, while Sada focused on Area Zero and develops the time machine that brings past and future Paradox Pokemon. Their relationship is super complicated and messy /pos. I don't think they ever got officially married, but they're 100% divorced in spirit.

Since the games kinda write Sada and Turo interchangeably (even outside of the whole AI deal) and they're described in the same ways besides pronouns and stuff, I want to make the professors a little more distinct from each other. Sada dives head-first into her passions and doesn't like anything or anyone holding her back, Turo is more conscientious but can come off a lot colder than he intends sometimes, etc.

I know most people hc the Subway twins (Ingo and Emmet), Elesa, Skyla, etc to be in like their late 20s/early 30s... but since I gave Emmet a daughter who's the mc of the Legends Arceus saga... they're actually gonna be slightly younger than Lusamine (around 38 or so) lmao. Let's get more nice and hot older adults up in here

Silver (Giovanni's son/Johto rival) is included! Since there's already a baby Lugia in the anime named Silver and that's just... too perfect, this rendition of the character is going to be named Sage (Yomogi in Japanese). I'm still figuring out his personality and stuff since Paul's whole "be the strongest/pokemon are just tools" thing was pulled from game!Silver, but I kinda want to play with Sage being a little more mellowed out by the time we would meet him in Johto Journeys? He acts as an assistant for Professor Elm, and is surprisingly great with raising pokemon despite the edgy tough-guy act he usually keeps up. He and Brock can nerd out about breeding and nuturing techniques and stuff.

An original team I made myself, Team Comet, acts as a foil of sorts to Team Flare. They’re fighting over (literal) life and death

I’m not entirely sure how to make this work, but I really want AZ’s ultimate weapon to be the (super buffed up) prototype of the healing machines used in pokemon centers. Like… the current machines extract infinity energy from deceased pokemon’s remains (such as ashes and stuff) instead of. Y’know. Draining living pokemon of that energy directly, causing them to die. AZ himself developed this practice as an attempt to redeem himself from all of the tragedy he caused in the name of his Floette. His full name is Azrael Jovalie… making him a pivotal ancestor to the Joy family.

Several large family-clans are the primary leaders of international organizations. The Joy family runs the pokemon centers and overall healthcare facilities, Jenny family runs the international and local police departments, the Jordan family are firefighters who provide aid and try to prevent natural disasters, etc (they may be involved with pokemon rangers? I’m not entirely sure). Others are obviously welcome to work in these forces as well, and members of these families aren’t (usually) forced into working the family business if they want to pursue other goals.

Obviously the anime has all the service-people look identical to safe on time and everything, but I think making unique designs and characters for the Joys, Jennys, etc is a fun concept! No matter their gender or ethnicity, almost every member of a poke-business family have hair and eye colors in the same spectrum. For example, almost every Joy has pink hair that’s styled in circular/drop shapes to some capacity, and blue eyes. Jennys have teal/turquoise hair in lightning shaped styles, and brown eyes. Jordans have charcoal black hair that looks like smoky wisps, and fiery orange/gold eyes.

Xerosic (creepy ass scientist dude who forces you to push a button and coaxes Emma into his expansion suit testing) was originally from Ultra Megalopolis. I’m not entirely sure how to connect him to all the Team Flare stuff??? Or even how exactly he ends up in Kalos but he was part of the Ultra Recon Squad and volunteered to travel to the “main” pokemon world for the to see where Necrozma might try to take all the light next. But when he actually shows up there, he just. Doesn’t care. He’s so fascinated by all of the different pokemon and how energy manifests in such different ways… All he wants to do is learn everything he can about it

Eternatus is an Ultra Beast! The ricochet from AZ’s Ultimate Weapon woke it up and caused the first darkest day.

Builing more from the Adventures manga, Galar was already starting to lose its energy, but the issue is actually going to be addressed far more openly. As Eternatus slept for thousands of years, its dynamax energy gradually dies down to the point where it can’t really be used as a proper resource— especially not to power so many of Galar’s communities. Rose definitely pushed a lot of the reliance of dynamax energy in recent history, but I’m certain Galar has relied on Eternatus for even longer. What makes Rose’s plan to wake Eternatus up again even more messed up (besides putting so many people and pokemon in danger), is that he’s essentially harvesting Eternatus of its energy: Wake it up to get the dynamax levels up again, (have Leon) catch it so it doesn’t go back to sleep… Rose sees the pokemon less as an actual creature and more like a walking power plant, definitely in part with how different Eternatus looks from “normal” pokemon.

The original Sun/Moon storyline with Lusamine and her kids happens first (Lusamine is a mix of the doting from the anime and her abuse from the games… she’s messy /pos). Then, around the time Ash and his friends meet Poipole, that’s when we’d meet the Ultra Recon squad and get into the Necrozma stuff.

Y’know Goh’s whole thing with wanting to catch Mew? How Jessie’s mom died in pursuit of Mew? And the eventual data she found was used for Mewtwo’s creation? Do you see how I’m connecting the dots?

Misc Information

Harley is one of Karen's cousins, making them both descendants of Sanqua (Galaxy Team's Construction Leader) and her little brother, Melli (Diamond Clan Warden of Coronet Highlands). Obviously... we can tell who took after who even after all these years, lmao. They also have a baby cousin (one of my ocs lol) named Jimson from Laverre City (Kalos) who is currently one of the Blueberry League Club's Biome Leaders! He specializes in psychic types... and is lowkey a chuunibyou (really commits to the wizard/witch act)

While Serena is in Hoenn, she meets Lisia and the two become girlfriends besties! They’re like twelve so idk if they’d actually do anything with their feelings but the mutual pining is very very apparent. Their ship name is Dreamshowshipping!

Chloe is highkey a lesbian. That’s just always how I’ve interpreted her??? She’s constantly shocked that Ash knows all of these cute girls. I think her and Iris eventually being a couple would be very cute. If Flowershipping isn’t taken, I shall call them that!

Because I am not immune to @yamujiburo’s propaganda of Hanamusashipping (Hiii Kiana if you’re reading through all of this I am so honored and so sorry it’s so much gjdhdhdhs), I love the idea that Jessie and James start a poly/ish thing with Delia!! By that I mean Delia and James are more so queerplatonic and Jessie is smooching both of them lmao. Ash’s step parents have been here the whole time yippee!!

Arven gets a harem to make up for all the trauma (/j but also not). He gets 2 boyfriends (Giacomo and Drayton) and a girlfriend (Copaia, my main Uva student character). They are all bisexual, bet u didn’t know that ;p

Carmen and Amarys are lesbians and girlfriends!! They’ve been dating for 2 years until the main events of the ScaVio saga

I’m not entirely sure what to do with Indigo League’s Elite 4 since it changes between Kanto and Johto?? Will and Karen are definitely well-known trainers (and possibly even coordinators?) in their own right, but idk if or when they would take Lorelai and Agatha’s places. They might become members around Journeys (since I’m treating that as a general 2 years since Indigo League), but that’s very much up in the air.

Xerosic straight up ditches his daughter (Zossie). Which. He was never that good of a parent anyways but.

Klara is the younger sister of Lacey’s mother (who I have as an oc), making her an aunt! She gave Lacey her Galarian slowpoke/slowbrow.

Lucy is Kieran and Carmine’s older cousin. I know the go-to is that she’s their mom but Lucy’s vibe is more around her early 20s or so to me.

Because I adore the concepts I’ve found from @critterbitter and their mutuals, Ingo and Emmet are Drayden’s nephews. Which makes Stacy and Drayton second cousins— there’s so much comedic potential there you have no idea. Keep in mind that Drayden is also paternal figure to Iris, and Hop and Leon are her cousins… the family tree gets real complicated real fast lmao

#pokémon #pokemon #pokeani #pokemon rewrite #Lilli’s Poke-Verse #I’m… I’m not tagging everybody lmao #lilliverse shenanigans

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shmowder · 3 months

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ag;asdfjag hello so I stumbled across the "specific fetishes they have with no explanation" post you wrote for the BG3 companions. Can I please request something like that for the Patho characters? Anyone you feel like including.

Sorry to keep bringing up your other blog but my goodness, your anons weren't shy on there XD It's amusing to notice the difference in content and asks between these fandoms. @ pathologic enjoyers where is the horniness!!!! /lh

🐿️ anon

Ah yes that classic post, it started because I wanted to give someone a hand kink and the rest followed along. I like the concept of specific fetishes that aren't explained but are accepted as part of the person nonetheless. Imitating organic sexuality where sometimes people are into things for no apparent reason, why do I think knight armour is so hot? I will never know.

I miss it sometimes, how shamelessly direct anons were in the bg3 with their nsfw requests. Talking with someone who knows exactly what they want is always refreshing.

I enjoyed the different concepts and how conversations about sex and fetishes flowed so seamlessly. They clearly enjoyed what I was writing and were mature about it.

While the Pathologic fandom feels more juvenile? Like a repressed adult going to a sex shop for the first time. The nsfw requests are vague and always written timidly, testing the waters, rushed even. As if I'll just suddenly disappear if they're not the first in line.

It could be the fact x reader content is scarce in this fandom while in bg3 they were plentiful. I knew some bg3 blogs that wrote smut pieces that could make the devil blush, genuinely. It was the extreme bdsm and dark smut i have ever seen, and i loved it.

I'm not complaining, I enjoy both fandoms' unique approaches tbh. I simply match the energy that is given to me, reading between the lines and all. If I notice, the requester is timid, shy, and vague about what they want. I'll go with vanilla and soft, slow sex.

Unless someone directly tells me they want to hear about my thoughts when it comes to Oyun's clear humiliation & degradation kink and life/death play, then I simply keep it to myself.

This blog started as a meme blog after all, didn't it? I just wasn't sure I'll even post pathologic x reader tbh. I wanted a throw-away account to talk about the game in because I didn't want to sully my bg3 account with unrelated fandoms even more. There is no need to wear its corpse and parade it through the square, giving my previous readers hope i might come back only to show it was a different fandom wearing its skin.

I kept that in mind, which is why i tage my x reader works with...well ♧x reader. So the people who are here just for the memes can filter it out.

Compare the notes my memes, character study and plot analysis posts get against my x reader pieces. It's clear who the majority is.

BG3 simply had more people interested in x reader, so it paid off in the long run to focus on it. While here I wouldn't have made it out from under the radar if I hadn't posted any memes, would I? No one searches for pathologic x reader on tumblr because the goddamn tag didn't exist before me.

It doesn't help that at least 70% of people who read this genre are lurkers, as it is natural with fanfics in general but especially anything deemed "cringy" or "taboo". Especially in a fandom whos tries to be taken seriously and seems high-brow to onlookers, yk pathologic.

Take the Hysteria fic, for example. I thought it would set the tone for the rest of the account, yk? but all i got afterwards was fluffy requests, so the balance shifted towards a more romantic style.

Right now, I have been getting more requests and nsfw ones, especially, but it was you who helped break that seal and encouraged other anons to come out because of your interactions and sincerity.

I think it was your nsfw Victor and Yulia requests which offically broke the seal and showed lurkers I am willing to fully dive into smut, that no this isn't a mirage and yes they can requests as many dom Daniil stuff as they want. You would be surprised at how popular that man is in my inbox.

Me personally, I would've simmered down or slowly stopped the x reader pieces if someone didn't come along to show interest in my work. I already have the whole world and works in my brain, I can just keep it there for eternity.

The fun in writing requests are the requestors themselves, the lively discussions, the passion, and happiness. The sweet kind words afterwards, waiting to see their reaction to something I've poured my heart and perverted mind into.

I planned on writing many more ship fics for pathologic, but Lingum Vitea was left in the dust so I decided against sharing my ship writing with these people anymore. Petty? yeah, but it is my own writing at the end of the day.

That's why I enjoy posing on tumblr, the interactions, the anons. It truly feels like you're part of a community, which is what fanfics were about before. Hell, it was what all fandoms were about before, remember when artists received anons discussing their vision and inspiration?

Now it's radio silence on AO3, or maybe my style specifically didn't click with them? I don't like multie chaptered works, I get bored of ideas easily and I can tell a whole story in less than 3k words.

Either way.

Be unhinged if you want, or don't. You can do whatever you want for eternity. This is for any person currently reading this and not just you squirrel anon. I don't lose anything by your shyness at the end of the day, but you certainly do.

The chances you might miss on, the opportunities, the self-acceptance and fullfillment. Let those 13 layers of irony melt away, we can be mature again sex and fetishes, we are adults after all, aren't we?

God, I hate the fact I had to tag my sub/dom post with ♧crack just so people take it as a light-hearted "lol im so crazy" moment. And they did, rather than start a genuine discussion about their role placement or how being dom/sub relieves stress and many other things.

I don't actually feel that strongly about any of this, I'm just frustrated about certain life events rn and it's easier to take my emotions out on this trival matter.

I have to go to a funeral today, I saved a draft of your request. I'll write it when I have the energy, I hope you do enjoy my bg3 writing in the meanwhile. And do leave a comment there or something if you do, just because I wrote it in the past doesn't mean I don't care about it anymore. I still check the bg3 blog notes and it is sad how people just like or reblog things without any comments because the author isn't actively posting anymore, it is borderline insulting.

Good thing I don't care about this, right?

#♧other #♧🐿 anon #♧writing #♧other fandoms #♧bg3

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zevranunderstander · 2 years

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i dont really wanna start beef w this but the companions from dragon age inqusition are all so shallow in how they are written tbh?

like. in dao you had characters like zevran, who never expresses his real thoughts and emotions and who you could read as a completely diffrent person if you didn't put actual effort in getting to know him and who has so much complexity to him and his own relationship to his past is *so* interesting to explore. or anders, who slowly develops from a person who wants to help and do good into a deeply resentful and bitter representation of vengeance who sees no other way out than to commit a brutal act of terrorism. or alistair, who is almost a complete inversion of the "rightful heir returns home" trope, who is nothing like you imagine him to be when you first meet him. or isabela, who lies to you from the moment you first meet her and who starts to regret what she did and actually trust you enough to put her life in your hands.

i could go on forever with this, actually, but in the first two games, almost every companion has a very insteresting depth to them that makes them a fully diffrent person than you might expect them to be

and in inquisition, all characters feel lowkey shallow in comparison? first of all, almost nothing the characters do ties into the main story? the stories in dao and da2 would be fundamentally different without your companions, especially da2 is almost entirely character-driven. and the character quests in dai are literally just random, plot un-related stuff. like. its cool that blackwall was a grey warden or that the iron bull secretly is a spy, i guess, but what does it add to the plot of the game? what made it so cool that isabela and anders were lying to you was how *you* suffered their consequences. what they did didn't just tie into the main plot, *you* were associated with them and *you* had to deal with the fallout of their actions. and it's like, cool that blackwall has this dark past but there are no stakes for you in this. why *wouldn't* you sympathize with him and forgive him? the game tries to paint these moments as "*gasp* you lied to me!", but really, this is nothing like the betrayal you feel when isabela basically hands you out to the qunari and runs away and you have to work this out with her

and there is so little to discover about the dai companions, too? like, i think the only character i really like in dai is vivienne, because she is the only character that has some depth to her you can explore. i still don't think vivienne can hold up to most characters in older games, but she actually has motives and if you get to know her, you actually change your opinion of her a bit and while her character quest also has zero impact on the main plot, she still made sense to me as a character and didn't feel completely one-dimensional.

im mainly making this post, because dai was my first dragon age game and i found a lot of old fanart recently and back then i *really* liked dorian. and that got me thinking for a moment because now, like 5 years later, i don't really give a shit about dorian anymore? like, i played dao and da2 after dai and there is so little to his character. his whole plot basically revolves around him being gay, his only character traits actually seem to be that he's a genius mage and, more importantly, that he's gay.

and like, his character almost feels regressive to how sexuality wasn't even a topic in romance in dao and *especially* in da2? and dai almost post-adds homophobia and coversion therapy into a series that didn't really need to have a homophobia problem, just to be like "see? we're being deep and serious right here!", and his story is, like all character quests, very predictable and very generic? and aside from that, there isn't that much to learn about him. most of his other dialogue is either sassy disses of other characters or lore dumps about tevinter that aren't all that related to him

this also brings me to my next point. you don't have an actual group dynamic? like, yeah you can sometimes *ask* a character what he thinks of another character but there isn't much interaction between the companions? like, yeah, some characters are friends/like each other, like sera and blackwall or dorian and the iron bull, but? like, you don't really intiutively know what cassandra thinks of vivienne or what blackwall thinks of dorian or if they have ever even been in the same room or spoken to each other.

da2 obviously excels at the whole group dynamic writing, but also dao (which was way less character driven than da2) put a lot of effort in the dynamic characters had. like, banter in dao usually was used to show how 2 characters interacted with each other, like zevran's and wynne's interactions being about them trying to make eachother incredibly uncomfortable, or alistair and morrigan berating each other - it gave you a very clear idea of what it might be like when you all sit by the campfire and talk. you know stuff like that alistair doesn't trust zevran, that leliana tries to be friends with morrigan, that ohgren feels like wynne is looking down at him, etc. there is very little like that happening in inquisition and banter often is just one continuous joke, like vivienne and dorian making fun of solas' clothing and demeanor or sera making silly jokes to everyone she talks to and somehow you feel like these people just dont talk to each other at all when you aren't around.

say what you want about some characters in da2 hating each other for 10 years straight and still being in the same friend group but when you went to do a quest for merrill, she would be chilling with isabela or anders and varric would be playing cards or your family was up to some shit again, but it felt like all of these people would actually regularly hang out with each other? and in dai these people all live in the same fucking castle and you see them being away from their standart spot maybe once? there is one scene where they all play cards together but tbh for me it did the opposite of what the game wanted me to feel in that moment because i was confornted with "wait, dorian and blackwall really exist in the same world and in the same building? sera and leliana exist in the same game?"

like this game sucks at writing characters and tbh im bitter and i have actually zero hopes for dragon age dreadwolf bc dai feels like a cheap copy of the other two games that really is frustratingly mediocre in every way. like, there is really no aspect of inquisition that it actually excels at or a thing it does better than the older games and dreadwolf seems to want to go in the same direction like dai with the plot being suddenly all about solas and the end of the world and. tbh. i don't think they will pull this off in a way that won't genuinely frustrate me

#myposts #da #dragon age

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nighttimepixels · 3 years

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TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

#night answers #night plays ME #(yes that's a purposeful pun lol)#((i sure have played myself by starting this series its so good aksdjflskjfd))

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celiabowens · 4 years

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2020 reads, summer tbr edition. The plan is to come back to this post as I read the books and probably dump my thoughts here, not sure yet lol

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: really liked it, although the narrative structure wasn’t quite my cup of tea. Still, Ocean Vuong’s prose is incredibly beautiful and raw. Overall, I’d still recommend it to everyone, even if non-linear narratives aren’t your thing, because Vuong’s prose is incredibly frank and yet stunning, and the way it captures memories and brief moments in time is absolutely incredible. The novel has so many layers, its complexity and nuance are truly outstanding.

The Empire of Gold: really liked this one! It develops the political conflict that was built in the first two books very well. The build up is quite slow and I get why some people may have issues with the pace, but I really liked the different storylines and how they all came together. Also loved the romance so much. I wouldn’t have minded more space for female side characters though.

Provenance: this wasn’t a bad read, but not as good as I expected it to be either. It reads much like a comedy of manners mixed with interplanetary politics, which was fun, but not as in depth as I wished. The characters fell a bit flat (especially the secondary characters) and their relationships weren’t as developed as I had hoped. The world was very cool though, especially with how fleshed out it felt, even when it came to minimal details.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: i’m very conflicted about this. On one hand, I really did like it, the book is fast and compelling (and reads very much like a tv show). On the other hand, the ending felt like unnecessary drama and it ruined it just a little bit for me. Anyway, worth the hype.

Girl Serpent Thorn: sort of disappointing? It’s a nice YA fantasy, but the premise begged for a more complex and nuanced development. The characters weren’t particularly fleshed out and the plot was a bit too flimsy. The mythology and world building, mostly inspired by Persian folklore, were really interesting and the bisexual rep was nice as well.

The Nickel Boys: I really don’t mesh well with Colson Whitehead’s writing style (it just sort of reads very essay-like? I’m more of a purple prose person and his books almost read like non-fiction in general), but I liked this much more than The Intuitionist. This is such a hopeless and cruel novel and it delivers one punch to the gut after another. The final twist was as brilliant as heartbreaking truly. Glad I read it, as hard as it was.

Shorefall: I liked it as much as Foundryside, but I still think this series lacks the spark and the nuance The Divine Cities Trilogy had. It’s still a pretty complex fantasy series (and Bennett is a master of his craft for sure) and I liked the economical and political subplots so much, but the characters do very little for me. The f/f romance is super cute and the cast works well, but the characters aren’t as compelling on their own. Still, a solid read.

Realm of Ash: this was great! I really like how Tasha Suri creates so much tension between her characters (the slow burn, the yearning...) and the character development in general. I love how this book was mostly focused on the court, because the moral ambiguity and the intrigue really set it apart from its companion, in a good way.

Salt Slow

Dune: DNFed this one at 40% (which is like, over 250 pages), because it was extremely boring and yet confusing. As much as I like modern science fiction, I think most of the classics may not be for me.

The Once and Future King

Angels and Insects: DNFed this one, no regrets. I read Possession earlier this year and as tough as it was (it’s just really such a dense book), the painfully slow pace was worth it, because of how well crafted and complex it was. Angel and Insects contains two novella and the payoff wasn’t worth the boredom, so I just dropped it.

A Gentleman in Moscow: this was literally perfect until the ending. I just...found it overly bizarre and forced. The rest of the novel is, however, 100% worth the hype. It’s compelling and nuanced and such a good character study. Really loved the prose too.

The Impossible Girl: the premise was better than its execution, I guess. I feel like my biggest problem with this one was how flat the characters felt to me and how the plot was a little messy. The premise was great (crossdressing girl with two hearts working as a resurrectionist was interesting to say the least), and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the novel overall, because I did, just not as much as I thought.

Notes on a Nervous Planet (if all the academic reading I need to do for thesis doesn’t end me first)

I actually don’t do too well with structured TBRs and I might read these in a month truthfully, so I don’t know how this experiment will go, but I guess I’ll see.

Stuff I’ve read out of the TBR: The Kindgom of Back by Marie Lu (I loved this one, would totally recommend checking it out), The Gameshouse by Claire North (the first novella is good, the rest was painful to read tbh), The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel (well written, but I really just did not care at all for it).

#2020 reads #gio rambles #tbr #summer 2020 tbr #i only have to do thesis and academic reading so #i might actually fly through some of these

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swiftythewriter · 4 years

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so, i’m supposed to be studying and def not be on social media rn but i am legit tearing up about Martha Jones and what she means to me as a character that i’m just going to try and to write this out so i can hopefully focus

to get one thing straight, Martha Jones is not my favorite character. i started watching DW when I was about twelve and tbh, for years after that i never really connected with her. it’s not too surprising since in terms of background, personality, and life experience (because, come on, i’m a lily white, only child shut in from the deep south) we had next to nothing in common.

but.

out of all the characters that have been on the show, Martha Jones is solidly the one I want to live up to the most.

maybe the reasons why are obvious, but they didn’t really crystallize to me till just now. the main one, for me, is that through out her arc her happiness did not depend on another person. even within her arc where she faced the consequences of her unrequited feelings, she still had this noticeable trait before she even said it out loud.

to go and break it down further, i believe there are several aspects to her personality that are important contributors in this: dedication, responsibility, and strong sense of self worth

dedication: this one seems pretty obvious, since when we are first introduced to Martha we are shown her position as a med student in her last year of residency. everyone with passing knowledge of what it takes to be a doctor knows this isn’t for the faint of heart. knowing just that we can already infer that she’s studious, hard working, and intelligent.

but it goes beyond that, as is continually shown throughout her arc. she becomes know as the “Woman Who Walked the Earth”, a title she got by literally walking around the earth for a year in an apocalyptic hellscape and never once wavering in completing in her mission. she didn’t just join but rose through the ranks of UNIT to the point where she was trusted with the Osterhagen key-quite literally the most important responsibility given to any single person at that point in human history.

and if we are talking about less dramatic examples, kindly take a look where Martha spent months undercover in an incredibly racist time period with absolutely no support despite there being actually no reason beyond Ten needing his little moral moment and yet not only managed to keep her spirits, but also is directly responsible for the Doctor’s plan not being any more of a clusterfuck than it already was. same story with “Blink”, where they both got trapped in the sixties and Martha once more had to stand up and handle things behind the scenes.

next, responsibility: this ties in really well with dedication and it can go double for all the things i listed above. the reason i think this is, is that as a result of her dedication and moral code, Martha tends to take on the problems set before her to the best of her abilities because she sees it as the right thing to do.

but what i really want to look at is Martha’s sense of emotional responsibility, as in not the actions she takes but why she takes them. i feel like this is best seen in how she acts towards her family and is what really sets her apart from the other companions in the series.

because you know what she does? she stays. her family needs her.

and here’s the ringer because name one character, one, since her that makes an active effort to maintain their relationships with their families when the Doctor comes to play. i can’t. really, i can’t

Donna? doesn’t count. she might love her family but when push comes to shove she was willing to die with the Doctor-or more accurately for who she became with the Doctor, than to live her life with them.

Rose? don’t make me laugh. she loves her mother to death, but not enough to choose her first.

Jack? no family to speak of at that point, but look how fast he leaves his friends at the very hint of the Doctor coming back into his life. yes, he has his immortality based reasons but there’s nothing about their scenes that doesn’t scream emotional.

Amy and Rory? i can count on one hand how many times the topic of relatives has come up for Amy and it still leaves me a finger left over for Rory. despite magically getting her parents back in her life she seems awfully unconcerned with their general existence.

i’m also not entirely sure Rory has parents-or even connections, beyond his dad. he might have just sprung up in a field somewhere, and we’d never know. hey, maybe Amy wished him into existence a bit earlier than we all thought.

Clara? i’m almost certain she has parents. almost. like, she had an entire holiday dinner?? i’m pretty sure she mentioned her dad at some point?? but beyond the meet cute of how her parents got together, zilch. nada. she might as well have been an orphan.

Bill? okay she was actually an orphan but i don’t think she actually mentioned or contacted her foster mother after she moved out. not sure this counts tho. the Doctor was dading too hard to say she had no parents.

i admit the newest companions kind of break the mold but I still say it counts since the only familial connection Ryan and Graham try to maintain to between each other and while Yaz might be close to her family her life with the Doctor seems to be taking priority over both her career and how much she spends time connecting with her family.

honestly the only one that even comes close to subverting the pattern is Mickey and the only reason he doesn’t properly is because he didn’t have any living family before going to Pete’s world.

but even in the beginning Martha spends time actively maintaining her relationships with her family members. again, in her first episode we see her playing mediator for her family, and going on we see her doing her best to support her sister, be a good daughter to her mother, and keep her family connected through sheer will power at times. sure, the other companions have shown the appropriate concern when there’s threat to their loved ones lives, but Martha again subverts the mold when it becomes clear that she’s not willing to let them go.

so, back to responsibility.

you tie this with her morals and you get the result of a doctor that gives her last breaths to keep another person alive.

you tie this with her dedication and you get the kind of person who will walk to the ends of the earth if she deems the cause good enough.

and finally, if you tie this with her emotional connections, you have the kind of person that takes the hard, messy work of tying together a somewhat dysfunctional family with her bare hands.

so now we’ve reached a strong sense of self worth: this i think is present in all of her decisions in the show. like, her entire story arc as a companion was ended on the note that she discovered her self worth and that she shouldn’t made to be feeling like she’s second fiddle. but, again, i feel like this is shown clearly throughout her story line even if she didn’t consciously recognize it.

the most obvious example i see on this kind of contrasts with the above one, and it is that Martha leaves. She chooses to go with the Doctor and see what’s out there. It’s not a decision her mother and perhaps the rest of her family would or does approve of and she still makes it.

she also, having taken the not so metaphorical leap of faith, chooses to pursue the Doctor romantically. that is something that i did not appreciate as a kid but respect the hell out of now. the sheer self confidence that it takes to not only approach your crush but pick yourself up after they don’t notice time and time again is absolutely incredible. we stan an absolute legend.

but back to my point, it would’ve been incredibly easy for Martha’s character to have been introduced as the stereotype of one of those people who go into medschool due to parental pressure. it could’ve even been supported by her background with her family and future character arc of discovering her worth. but all those assertions evaporate the second she comes on screen.

Why? Self worth.

The concept that Martha could be pressured into her path in life is laughable. She perused medicine because she wanted to. It’s her passion. She didn’t have to say it out loud to be clear in her actions.

Her family’s wants and opinions might have some weight because she respects them, but ultimately she doesn’t need their approval to make herself happy. Her teachers, peers and assumed friends at her school also had the same affect.

Martha Jones went with the Doctor because she wanted to, and she stayed because she wanted to as well. Her choices are made to be the most fulfilling to herself. Yes, they are motivated by her responsibilities and dedication to see them through, but that is it-motivated. She does not need to live up to to the things people need from her to have fulfillment.

See the choices she made after she left the Doctor if you want any indication. She enlisted in UNIT because she realized she could do more for the world than just be a doctor, and she decided she wanted to. She got into and out of an engagement because she was in touch with what made her happy and what didn’t. The choices she made during her time with UNIT were ones that she made not because the Doctor would approve-since she knew he wouldn’t, but were ones she reasoned were the best options forward.

And finally, when Martha decided after the near end she didn’t want to be with UNIT anymore, she left and went to find something that she wanted to do more.

i once read an excellent post that made the point that unlike other companions, Martha Jones never needed the Doctor, and it was absolutely right. In the end of the day, Martha Jones never needed anything but her own to hands to go and make the world a better place.

And you know what? At that, she is good.

#help this was supposed to be a small text post and now it's an essay i spent 4 hours on #I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING #now it's midnight #i have 4 tests in less than a week #whyyy do i keep doing this #...maybe i should get checked for adhd after all #and i have all the things i need to do that i haven't #sigh #side note this thing came into existence because i named my car the Martha Jones because i love her #also completely off topic but Mickey is frankly the best person in the verse and honestly he deserved So Much Better #seriously he's such a kind and smart and loyal person why was he made to feel like he wasn't important #in my next essay i will be discussing how much of an Utter Dick ten was omfg #nothing like rewatching something with the perspective of adulthood #like #literally everything he did was to get a reaction out of people and then he critisied them for having very logical responses #and honestly his relationship with Rose was not all that healthy #he encouraged a lot of really unhealthy behavior that she picked up on and yikes #like how he went from Nine trying to keep her out of harms way to the two of they giggling over nearly being gutted by a werewolf #which is really common! in this series! but the way he handled it kind of encouraged her to be reckless with her life #also her behavior with Mickey and her mother-which don't get me wronf she's 100% responsible for #but at the same time in toxic relationships people tend to pick up on negative behaviors to fit in #and her reactions in that respect really increased in s2 #wait fuck am i writing another essay #dw #doctor who #martha jones #character analysis #meta #essay #dw season 2

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purest-love-deepest-pain · 5 years

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aight so I have a lot of (mostly non-positive) thoughts on the new episodes of Doctor Who so lemme rant for a bit because I’ve been wanting to do this for ages.

(if you enjoyed the new episodes and liked the storyline/execution/whatever or you just don’t want to get into The Discourse TM, I wouldn’t recommend reading this post, but do what you want):

This rant is mostly for myself to rant a bit, but also to see if anyone else feels the same way, which, is kind of the point of Tumblr anyway but akshjajsa

this isn’t an attack on Jodie as the Doctor or a “Chibnall ruined Doctor Who!!!!1″ type of post, but a measured critique on the aspects of the premiere of Series 12 that I really didn’t like.

This is only discourse on Spyfall Part 1 and Part 2, as I haven’t watched Orphan 55 yet.

Here we go.

First things first, the things I actually did like:

I actually only watched a few episodes of Series 11, so I’d just like to note I love Team TARDIS with my whole ass heart ahsjahsja they are great companions and have a great dynamic

I liked the concept of the mission they had to deal with it, even if I didn’t like the execution

Sasha Dhawan was EXCELLENT in this. The way his demeanor changes completely when he stops pretending to be O, his portrayal of the Master, everything about him here was great

The plot twist scene was great. The Doctor’s reaction, the Master’s child-like attitude and excitement, Team Tardis being confused af, it was really good from start to finish and Jodie and Sasha’s acting truly made it click.

Jodie was also really excellent here btw. The way she portrayed the Doctor’s feeling of being frozen during the reveal scene perfectly, her finally getting to show off the Doctor’s darkness, her dynamics with the Master, her seeing Gallifrey in shambles, etc. She killed it

Ada Lovelace and Noor Inayat Khan were GREAT additions and I kinda wish they were full-time companions lmao. Also I ship Thirteen and Ada a lot tbh

The whole scene with the back-and-forth between the Doctor’s message and Graham and Graham landing the plane was hilarious. Graham used to be my least favorite new companion but I think he’s one of my faves now

Part 2 was overall much more fun than Part 1, and the characters were more entertaining as well

I mentioned this before when talking about Jodie’s acting, but seeing Thirteen finally go dark is great. I’m excited to see where this is heading towards, and from what I’ve seen, it’s gonna cause Team TARDIS some conflict, which was kind of overdue. I just really hope Chibnall can lower his ego and allow other writers to execute these concepts in ways he can’t throughout the series

I was also left genuinely intrigued by the whole Timeless Child thing and am looking forward to that so. Yeah.

Now, what I didn’t like:

First of all, it’s written by Chibnall himself and he’s the only writer. ‘Nuff said

The episode seems to take a bit too long to introduce the characters once more and show their daily lives before we get to the point or even first see the Doctor. Maybe that’s just me but idk

Like I mentioned, I like the potential of this mission. A CSI-esque episode but make it sci-fi/Doctor Who. My problem lies with the execution. It wasn’t a fun storyline, and after the Master reveal, it just feels like it’s sidelined and simply there as “oh look Doctor, you looked away and the Master started using ANOTHER alien race to get your attention AGAIN”. It didn’t feel fun either, since there was just. So much info-dumping and not enough answers. The problem isn’t that it was unoriginal, it’s that it was uninspired and boring

Not to mention the Kasaavin ended up being sidelined so much that everyone was just ??? kind of confused about them. Also I’ve seen some people say they are literally just the Cybermen 2.0 and I kind of agree

I got the vibe that “O” and Yaz were flirting and just. Ew. I do not fuck with that

Part 1 in general just felt completely boring and the storyline was so generic you could replace the conflict with literally anything else and keep the twist and it wouldn’t change a thing lol

Also, as happy as I am that we have a POC incarnation of the Master, I’m...conflicted. I am going to miss Missy a whole lot, and the Master going back to being a man is...kind of boring, but that’s not my issue. I understand that, after what happened with her, Missy might’ve given up on redemption and decided to go back to her old Master-y ways, specially with the whole Timeless Child thing, that was so traumatizing the Master felt obligated to destroy Gallifrey, BUT it feels like it just inutilizes Missy’s entire character arc during Capaldi’s run and introduces a new plot element just to make the Master go back to their old villanous ways. It’s sorta cheap

Speaking of cheap plot elements just introduced to retconn things Moffat did, we’ll get back to Gallifrey later

The scene with the Master telling the Doctor to kneel made me uncomfortable. Having Thirteen be the first female Doctor (and arguably the gayest Doctor at that) and then have the Master, her antagonist, be a man...meh. But then have him tell her to kneel and to essentially humiliate her by telling her to call him “Master”, that had my stomach a bit uneasy. Like, yeah, Simm!Doctor did much worse to Tenth, but the implications are much, much, different in this context. Idk, I personally was left uncomfortable by that scene

The Doctor turning the Master over to the N*zi officers was so, so fcking shitty like. I’m not mad at the Doctor, I’m mad at Chibnall for putting that in the fcking script. WHY DID HE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA?????

The Doctor wiping Ada and Noor’s memories just felt so...unnecesary. Like, the Doctor has interacted with historical figures in the past and kept their memories intact (Agatha Christie comes to mind as an exception, though that was accidental). And besides, what for? Ada and Noor having memory of what happened interfered with nothing (I might be wrong on this as I kind of erased anything the Doctor said in that scene from my mind involuntarily lmfao but even so, I can’t come up with any good excuses that could be used there anyways, but if I am missing something notify me in the notes) and they don’t seem like the type to tattle about it or smth

Ah, and now we get to Gallifrey, or what I like to call, both the best and the worst example of what a retconn is. Listen, it doesn’t matter whether you liked Moffat and/or his decision to bring back Gallifrey, but you have to agree this is ridiculous. Chibnall didn’t want to have to deal with what Moffat left him with (a restored Gallifrey and the implications of that) so he had The Master just destroy Gallifrey by himself and discarded it like a chess piece, like. Am I the only one legit dumbfounded by this???? First of all, it took the Daleks an entire war to attempt to destroy Gallifrey, and they actually failed in the end, and yet the Master destroys it by himself, no stress. I legit don’t get it. Listen, I have mixed thoughts on Moffat’s decision to do so and I hate Hell Bent as much as the next person, but this is Chibnall discarding yet ANOTHER arc. That’s two arcs in one premiere. Wow. It legit sealed the deal for me that this premiere was a hot mess.

That’s it (that’s it, she says, after writing a whole essay). Again, this is not an attack on Chibnall’s Doctor Who, Jodie as the Doctor or me telling you how to feel about this episode. My opinion seems like an unpopular one from what I’ve seen but I stand by it lol.

As a closing statement, fingers crossed that Chibnall lets other people write too this series lmfao.

(This is my first indepth critique of anything here so, hum, if you disagree, please be kind akhjahsjahs I doubt this will get much notes anyways but)

#doctor who discourse #I guess?#you could call it that but #I generally dislike using the word discourse #feels like a dirty word lmfao #anti chibnall #lightly anti hell bent as well #spyfall critique #spyfall review #kinda??#doctor who

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aparticularbandit · 5 years

Text

Current State of Bandit Fic

The last time I did one of these was on April 12, so it’s been about a month and a half. I figured I wanted to do one again, especially since there’s been a lot more stuff started and to give general updates on what I’ve been writing, etc.

This’ll be under a cut, so apologies to you mobile users because I don’t think it does the cuts. :/

Completed JTV Fics:

Carla

THE LAST CHAPTER HAS BEEN POSTED. IT’S DONE.

Luisa and the Fox

I have one more chapter left to post, and I plan for that to be next month.

I do still plan on potential extended scenes in a different fic.

In-Progress Posted JTV Fics:

If You Lived Here, You’d Be Home Now

Still planning on posting at least a chapter a month until it’s done.

I’ve liked having these on alternate second Mondays with Luisa and the Fox with a chapter of Carla every other week, but given that the latter is done and the former is almost done....

Probably still plan on posting these on Mondays.

There are at least fifteen twenty known chapters (as in I have a fairly good idea of what happens in those chapters) and past those potentially two more at least - and some of those might expand because I know me and this should all happen in this chapter! and then it ends up being longer than I thought.

Right now it feels like this fic is shaping up to be more like multi-chapter chunks/arcs.

So the first arc was Luisa’s first few days at Belle Reve, and that was eight chapters.

The current arc I estimate to have at least seven chapters (six of those I have a fairly good idea of what’s going to happen but there’s an in-between of what’s currently going on and the latter half of the arc - like there’s a time period that I don’t have covered that I think may have a chapter but am not sure).

The next arc has at least five chapters (that I have general ideas on what happens with them) but will probably be longer than that.

The next arc has at least four but probably five chapters (that I have a fairly good idea of what happens - two of those chapters may be combined into one, but not sure at this point).

The next chapter has at least two, maybe three chapters before a one-two chapter break, and then there will probably be more chapters but not sure exactly on how this one will go as well.

Okay so apparently that’s more like twenty more chapters. Oops.

The general ideas are the same as they were the last time I gave the estimate. It’s just that at least one other complication has been added, among other things. This is more likely to be longer than shorter.

Jane: The Real Story

Still not planning to schedule updates but may go into the Monday update slots.

Still don’t know how long this is going to be.

I do have the season one arc fairly plotted (or, well, partially plotted because there was a lot that happened in season one and while I know some of what I want to do with this, there are probably other things I should address and haven’t decided yet).

I have season two better plotted. Or. It’s less like seasons and more like arcs.

The first arc is Jane + pregnancy. This is your season one equivalent, but it’s fairly different from season one.

The second arc is consequences of lying about the artificial insemination. This is your season two equivalent, even though it address some events from season one.

The third arc is dealing with the aftermath of those consequences and...takes place in two different locations. This is your season three/four equivalent.

I’m not sure if I’ll have an equivalent arc for season five because by that point it mostly won’t exist but I suppose there’s at least one aspect I’d like to address from season five so. There’s that.

Basically it’s better brainstormed.

Still planning on having this be flexible in terms of updates. For now, at least.

The Adventures of Rose, the Baker’s Daughter

I still like writing fairy tales and still don’t want to be judged but for now, this one is not in the cards to be regularly updated. Kind of like the Pokemon fics.

Not abandoned but not super high priority.

Aftershocks

Potentially goes into one of the Monday update slots but not sure at this point.

Have a general idea of things I want to happen in this fic but not enough to give a general chapter count. This is a really new fic, so it’s still being brainstormed ish.

I do look forward to the Luisa/Lint scenes, though, and I do plan on this being very focused on just Luisa, Rose, and Lint. I don’t really want it to be bigger than them at the moment, although it may expand after this initial first arc. I’m not sure yet.

May have a companion piece in regards to the Rosalint fic.

Kind of like how Carla and If You Lived Here, You’d Be Home Now are companion pieces. You can read them separately and they work, but if you’ve read both, you get more out of them...ish. They reference and call back to each other.

Heart in Motion

Not planning on having a firm updating schedule with this because it’s comedy and comedy is hard for me (dramedy is a little bit better but not by much).

This one is harder to write because idk if I can accurately capture the feel of all the ODAAT characters (Lydia, in particular, may be hard).

I have a general idea of where I want to go in terms of plot on this one.

I do want to have some ODAAT-centric chapters that set up for later stuff; I don’t want to just focus on Luisa and Rose drama (although I definitely do plan on drama as a result of...primarily Rose, let’s be honest). But I don’t want to make the ODAAT characters side characters because I want it to be just as much their story as Rose and Luisa’s.

Expect irregular updates for now because that’s probably what might happen.

Sleeping Habits

I keep forgetting that there’s supposed to be a second chapter to this.

My bad.

In-Progress Unposted JTV Fics:

Everything’s Coming Up Roses

No change from the last update as I’ve been focusing on other projects.

Shenanigans: Luisa and the Fox

Name change. More like a rearranging.

The only change here is more brainstorming, tbh, insofar as connecting it to another piece.

I like companion pieces, and while one might assume that the fairy tales are companions to each other, right now it’s looking like they’re more companions to another, much bigger, project.

May take up a Monday update slot once Luisa and the Fox is finished.

Where The Lightning Splits The Sea

aka Roisa HP AU.

This is probably going to be really, really long.

The first book has an outline. It should be...fifteen chapters long.

The second book has the beginnings of its outline - right now it’s at least seven chapters long, but that only gets us to the end of October.

The following books I have notes on stuff that I want to make sure to include.

I’ve started writing the first book.

Right now I’m in chapter three, and the book is already over 13k. That should give you some idea of length here.

I have a really good idea of what I want to do with this entire series.

It’s just probably going to be really long.

Right now, the plan is to finish an entire book and then post the chapters as updates (probably on Thursdays as opposed to the normal Monday updates).

I hope to have betas for these, and I’d like the betas to have the general overarching outline of what’s going on...but maybe not.

Maybe should have different betas for this. I’m unsure.

Also I should probably finish my HP series reread. Oh well.

A Christmas at Longbourne

aka Hallmark Holiday Special

Projected to be five chapters long.

Hopefully to be posted on Mondays in July.

Because Christmas in July, y’all!

So. Should probably focus on this and finish the rough draft but I keep getting distracted.

Currently with the second chapter.

University AU

Unsure on length.

Have a fairly good idea of overarching plot.

I think last time I checked I was in chapter...two?

But there was a prologue, so for y’all that’d be the third chapter. Ish.

Probably won’t be a Monday update slot. But could be?

Rosalint Fic

Yes, this is more considered a JTV fic than a Tick fic because it’s set in the JTV universe more than The Tick universe.

Right now I mostly just have bits and pieces. Scenes. Some fluff, some...not.

This is likely the companion piece for Aftershocks, probably, so. You won’t need to read both to enjoy either of them but you’ll enjoy them more if you read both. Basically.

Brainstorming JTV Fics:

Canon-Compliant Soulmate AU

OKAY BUT I WENT THROUGH SOULMATE AU PROMPTS AND IDEAS AND I HAVE A GENERAL GOOD IDEA OF WHAT I’M DOING WITH THIS AND I’M ACTUALLY EXCITED,

It’s still in brainstorming stage because. do you see the above? I’ve been doing a lot of writing on a lot of other things.

Brainstorming Non-JTV Fics:

Potential Lint/Overkill Prequel Fic

Just what it says on the tin.

Probably more a collection of one-shots that would follow like lightning.

Potential Timeless Soulmate AU Fic

Focuses on Emma.

Uses the same general soulmate timer world as seen in the Roisa one-shot that people liked.

Have a good overarching idea of this but want a few more specifics before jumping into it more.

Probably won’t use the time machine BUT plan on having other Rittenhouse funded research that they want to use to control people.

Potential Timeless/Noir Fusion Fic

In which Emma has amnesia and gets dropped on Lucy’s doorstep before Lucy knows about Rittenhouse.

I have ideas about this one and I like those ideas but still hammering out the specific details of the fusion.

Like I can’t just make Lucy an assassin.

Like Emma makes better sense if I fuse her as a combination of Chloe and Altena but she’s technically in Kirika’s role.

Like how do I throw the rest of the gang in here (and do I, considering one of the great things about Noir was that none of the main characters were men and the men who showed up were usually in minor or plot device roles)?

I really want to write this because Noir is so near and dear to my heart but.... Idk if anyone else will enjoy this, tbh.

#bandit does an update #bandit updates #musings

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icharchivist · 5 years

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Lol, nothing to be ashamed of. Lavi's reaction to his relationships is one of the most fascinating parts about his character. I too wonder what his reaction will be post Noah abduction. Is Lavi the type to get that angry/vengeful for himself or just for someone else? It's possible if it was just him he could bury his feelings better and rationalize it's war and the Noah don't play nice. But Bookman is involved too. If something bad happened to Bookman because of the Noah would Lavi get furious-

2 enough to act irrational (for a bookman)? Afterall losing Bookman would also make Lavi the new Bookman (considering all the secrets he doesn’t know. I think Lavi would feel wholly unprepared for the new title).

we’ll do this by parts because there’s a lot to get through (with love nonny, this is fantastic and now i have a lot of Lavi’s feels thank u) So let’s start there.

But this is a good question and the question i’m wondering as well. And Bookman remains someone important for Lavi, emotionally and in term of rank, in term of what it means for him. The death of Bookman could bring anger, but would that anger be affection based? Would it also be fueled by the crushing duty on his shoulder? The crushing pain they both went through? Would Lavi consider his own pain or only the old man’s? There’s.. so many questions and i guess we just have to wait and see. I trust Lavi’s heart is too talkative for his own good, but it depends how much he decides to dedicate himself to his Bookman part once he has no other choice.

AND I’m gonna put the rest under read more because MAN this is fascinating and it has a lot of asks and Get In For the Lavi Suffering Train my friends!

(if you’re on mobile and the readmore doesn’t work blacklist #long post for ts, or #readmoreundercut to reduce this post, it got very long)

But yeah, there’s no use in comparing one reaction to another in terms of loss. All of them speak to how Lavi views them. From what I’ve observed Lavi hates seeing the volition of his friends violated. He hated how scared Leverrier made her when forcing her to act. He hated Tyki for -

3 trying to kill Allen and taking his future as a exorcist away since he knows how important that is to Allen. He didn’t calm down in both cases until Lenalee made her own choice and Tyki confirmed Allen was alive and coming. He also acts very post close death of someone. W/Lenalee he started to pay more attention to the depth of her feelings and comfort her (before he either kept distant or yelled at her). W/Allen he contemplated his own heart and acted more clingly. Both cases he got more - 4 more protective.

ooh this is a very, very good point! And even if it’s no surprise it really puts to word how that “bookman got no heart” thing is bullshit. If at least the Tyki’s overreaction was due to the grief and loss (which would be understandable as you say further in, not being as convinced of Allen’s survival) the one for Lenalee and Lveille was entierely on how Lveille was emotionally abusing Lenalee- something that is less “obvious” than litterally killing (geez i wonder how “I’m so heartles” Lavi managed to get pissed at an entierely emotionally based conflict) (is making fun of Lavi’s lack of heartlessness getting old yet? Bc I still will use that against him).

And you’re also right that there was a real change of action from Lavi the moment he feared he lost them. He was emotionally and physically more available to either of them- and since the most of it was when Bookman wasnt looking, it’s not really a wonder that Bookman made sure Lavi kept his distances when the destruction of the Order ended. Tbh it makes sense Lavi took his distances storywise when he did

(and it’s only the hiatuses that makes it very agonizing- and i mean it in general because even the pacing of the story had to change when Hoshino went to monthly with the Alma arc and to the current pacing. I remember that she mentioned having wanted to make a 3rd Exorcist centric arc before the Alma Arc but her health was running thin when she went on Monthly so she jumped on the Alma’s arc that was more important for her to tell. That’s why also she found the loophole to get the Thirds to be mindcontrolled by the Earl now and giving Link this side arc focusing on how he’s worried for them in recent arcs. I’m kinda sad we never got to see what that “Third Plotline” would have originally looked like, but i’m kinda curious how she’ll rework it. (tbh I feel like originally there was going to be an arc with more actions of the Third gradually getting the Noah’s interests rather than just their intervention in Paris and unseen missions. An arc to realy set in motion how the Noah came to the conclusions we see them get by the Alma arc. So like, kept the reasoning we got offscreen and keeping the thematic and lore/characters development for a future arc with another plot).Point is, it is possible there were more Lavi’s development planned after the Paris arc that had to be scrapped with the Alma arc was moved forward. (i also think there was a bonus around the Paris’s arc of Lavi mentioning coming back in the plot soon so if i’m not wrong, it strengthen my belief there). Considering also the focus on Lavi and Bookman following the news at that time, it’s possible it wasn’t directly planned to jump into what became of their storylines. Imo i wonder if the political aspect didn’t have to take a major backseat as well. I mean before the Alma arc we were learning about how the Noah (esp Sheryl with his political situation) were manifacturing wars to create the sorrow needed for the Akuma, and we see especially Lavi and Bookman read about it and more seriously mention it. I wonder if that was the set up to something that had to be pushed away considering how Sheryl becomes proheminant in the next arcs not for his political ties (like he was introduced) but for his sadism. THAT SAID it’s also interesting Sheryl’s introduction was directly commented on by LAVI AND BOOKMAN, which imo emphasis even more how much Sheryl was supposed to affect their storylines. It still works with the torture plot though. AND MAN THAT WAS A LONG PARENTETHIS SORRY).

Erg what was i saying- ah yes, Bookman might have seen that Lavi ended up getting closer to the others the few times Bookman hadn’t been paying attention, and with the threat of the innocence taking Lavi away (which would be fun, losing one apprentice to the Noah and the second to the Innocence…), forcing Lavi to recenter on Politics and keep his distances from the others made sense. Until the Alma arc happened and then it was just bad luck. Point is, Lavi’s emotional balance changed once Bookman wasn’t there to monitor him and i think Bookman is painfully aware of that. I think it’s not even innocent Bookman sent Lavi on Bookman’s duty to record Cross and Allen’s conversation about the 14th. Forcing Lavi into his duty in regard of what was happening to Allen, forcing him to face what caused him emotions and get back to being heartless. Doubt it really worked though but i can see a reasoning there in trying to remind Lavi of his duty.

I think Lavi would get pretty angry on Kanda’s behalf. But I wonder if it’d be on the same level of the other examples? They get along better then most but we haven’t seen them that emotionally availiable to the other. Ex, like Kanda was w/Alma, Lenalee, Marie and Teidoll and now w/Johnny and Allen. when I focus more on Allen (blame Lavi not being present for any of the Kanda plot). We’ll see whenever they reunite.

It’s a good question tbh. I wonder if the “oh no i’m caring too much” trigger isn’t set on “almost dying companions” and thus Lavi wouldn’t have reacted as much for Kanda (?). I wonder if he would just have gone back too what his mindset was before going to the Order according to his Road’s memories: “Humanity just sucks.” (heavily paraphrazing but he says something similar bc he saw too many wars. Which hell, he is at his 49TH NAME FOR A 49TH RECORDED WAR AT 18, i’m terrified to do the math (bc also i’m terrified of math) but that’s enough to make you lose faith in humanity). I wonder if Lavi wouldn’t have been “Disgusted but Not Surprised”.

But I like to believe he couldn’t help but be angry still. I want to believe in Lavi’s heart there. Of how much the Order first opened his mind and is now a source of suffering. Perhaps that’s also why he had to be kept away from that plotline. Bc he would have been unpredictable.

I think I like to focus on Allen’s impact on Lavi the most -

5 because the series does (it is Allen’s story).

(lmao mood and you play on my bias there and u know it)

Lavi got attached before Allen but the novel w/Dug reveals he was still detached enough to move on (and Dug was probably his closest genuine friend at the time). It wasn’t until Lavi saw an Akuma’s soul and Allen talking Krory out of suicide that something changed in Lavi. How the heck can a kid live in hell and still be so good? Lavi probably thought he had already seen hell in countless wars but one Aluma soul made him sick like nothing before - 6 did.

This is a VERY GOOD POINT and tbh same I do think the “seeing the Akuma’s soul” was the catalyst for Lavi. Also I think it was mentioned then that “allowing others to see Akuma’s soul” only happened that one time, so between Lavi, Krory and Allen. For Allen it was his “all the time” thing, for Krory it was his very first time even comprehending what Akuma were like, ways to be scared for life.

But for Lavi it also suddenly put emotional weight on what was happening, especially when his introductions is all a bit… teasing about how Allen was relaying on said eye. The whole “can’t trust anyone” speech he tells Allen. Which is even more telling that he JUST CAME BACK from the Dug’s mission when this whole arc happened. Meaning Lavi could have been really bitter about it and become extremely cynical.

For Lavi who distances himself emotionally from people to start with, who doesn’t even trust humanity all that much, “weapons made from people who cared to the point of being carried away” would probably just emphasis more on how much he’s not supposed to care. Adding fuel on why he is to be heartless, that he cannot trust anyone. And for Allen, who’s so young, so reliant on his eye, “not knowing the horrors of eventually losing someone to an Akuma” (I doubt Lavi knew of the Mana incident back then- if he did know Allen turned Mana into an akuma due to records though I think he might have been cynical bc he just lost someone over “that stupid move” too- would take time to sink in that those feelings even happened), it would just be someone who “got it easy”. While Lavi learnt the hard way what losing a close one to an Akuma would be like (also ding ding ding we got another parallelism between Lavi and Allen I’ve never noticed before of the two of them knowing someone who got turned into an Akuma this is a bingo). (And now that i’m thinking about it funny how Allen/Lavi/Krory all had a closed one that became an Akuma and they were the one tied in that arc: they’re the three who knows what an Akuma’s looks like).

The Eliade incident was Lavi’s wakeup call that Allen wasn’t carefree, he wasn’t having it easy- he was seeing horrors and stood it with a smile, a smile as fake as Lavi’s, fellow fake smile liar. Also it may have also put into perspective how much of a hard time Allen suddenly had when he lost his eye. I also wouldn’t leave it past Lavi to have realized all the sudden that this “soul” was An Actual Person more than a poor decision. To be able to see and conceptualize the mutilated soul must have suddenly put the Dug’s situation into perspective. And if i’m not wrong- it’s that Dug called for Colette’s soul who died right? A Little girl. Seeing Eliade’s soul must have suddenly clicked in Lavi’s head of “Holy hell this is what happened to Colette”. It wasn’t a vague “ye ye tragedy creating weapon yada yada” this was knowing that inside the mutilated body of his friend, there was the mutilated soul of a little girl who didn’t ask for it. I think that definitly added to a sudden punch for Lavi because he could associate Eliade’s situation to Dug/Colette. And while this was an horrifying sight the most horrifying was to realize that Allen was used to it and this was the sort of things that haunted him and that he still carrid it on to the point of feeling SAFETY into seeing those souls. Perhaps that helped a lot understanding Allen’s compassion for the Akuma.

And exactly like you mention: All this perspective had him more curious toward Allen. Tbh the fact he was even recluent in going to save Allen when the Krory arc started and that the following arc he was in full breakdown at the thought of Allen dying shows how much this incident only had him care for Allen beyond what he expected. It wasn’t just like Dug anymore. And I truly, truly believe it’s linked to how suddenly Lavi had to face Allen’s demons and wonder how he even keeps up a smile and still give himself up for those horrors.

(I hadn’t read the manga in forever and now i want to again dear kdhkjdf)

Another was inside Roads dreamworld when Lavi was fighting deranged versions of his friends. This was always a peculiar scene to me I haven’t fully decided what it means. All of the Order/companions are attacking Lavi. Except Allen who looks totally normal and unlike the other versions, doesn’t judge Lavi. He instead comments on what Lavi has attached to and gets killed for it. Not by Lavi. But by Bookman jr. Maybe BJr knew Allen was the one person Lavi couldn’t rationalize hurting even-7 if he knew this Allen was fake? Either way it was seeing Allen’s death that broke Lavi mentally enough to get hurt and fall under Road’s control. Maybe it’s mean’t to convey Allen is put on a pedestal. Allen has seen hell but never became a part of it like Lavi’s seen so many others have (even Lenalee only cares about HER people. Nothing against her. It’s totally understandable. But Allen is different for caring about everyone). That’s why Allen would never become a ‘monster’ in Lavi’s mind? -

8 But that’s a theory.

Ooh the scene that spilled a lot of ink (ahah geddit, “are we just ink on paper for you” and the ink of the Ace of spade spilling…. Look i need to do Bookmen jokes to cope)

But yes this scene was very good and I do think it’s true. The problem though is that since it’s Road’s illusion there’s a lot to wonder about how much was Road’s (correct) assuptions about Lavi, and the fact she herself has a soft spot for Allen.

I think it’s possible Road went with Lavi getting to face everyone’s corpses accusing him for “not having feelings” to break him, and realized it didn’t work. Lavi managed to see through the illusion (if only because say, Lenalee wouldn’t have said the horrible things Fake!Lenalee says in his mind). But Road knows Allen. Road knows how sweet and gentle he can be.

And somewhat she dig enough in Lavi’s brain to… not only know, but she found out the ACE OF SPADE and that goddamn Ace… MAN. LIKE. How important was that thing for Road to manage to tear it out from Lavi’s mind on the same level as him meeing Lenalee or the dude of the Order for the first time? From all the things Road could have picked up upon, it was that Card. That Card that represented how much affection Lavi had for Allen. That Card he linked to the grief of losing Allen (which also, doesn’t it mean Loss in divination reading? also due to the fact it looks like a heart upside down, pierced?). That Card that he kept as a memory of Allen, that he had to hold on to (litterally in the same frame as Anita & Lenalee talks about Cross and Lenalee asks “Do you believe he’s still alive?” (talking about Cross there) and Anita’s answer is set ON LAVI’S WATCHING THAT DAMN CARD thinking about ALLEN while she says “Yes. This is the only thing that’s giving me strength”. The very scene that has to force Lavi toremind himself he has no need for a heart. Also known as the scene that murdered me.).

And Road? Finds out how important that card is for Lavi, and realizes that Lavi “heartless” Bookman let himself cling into that one emotional piece, that ONE THING that kept him emotional. And what does she do? Realize that it means Allen is one of the only emotional things Lavi can materialize. And therefore, she shows Allen, gentle, sweet, kind, taking up the card, thanking Lavi for holding on to it. Lavi knew he was surrounded by illusions but he was frozen upon seeing Allen thanking him. If Allen immediatly attacked him like Fake!Lenalee did, how would Lavi have reacted? Who knows. Because Road went right to the emotions Lavi left vulnerable. The one thing Lavi had looked up to questioning about his Bookman duty and had his Bookman self murder Allen. And when the card fell down, all its ink disappeared, spilled. I think even “Bookman JR” says “what are you so distressed about, it’s only ink on paper?”. Turning how this card emotioanlly impacted Lavi into ink furthered Lavi’s duties due to how material it was.

I think you’re entierely right on “Bookman JR* knew Allen was the one person Lavi couldn’t rationalize hurting even if he knew Allen was fake”. (* albeit it is also Road digging into his own heart doing so - it is blurry whenever we can just pin it on Road or if his Bookman’s internal self also know and realize Allen is a weakness for himself). I think it might also be linked to how much of an emotional journey Allen had put him through so far and suddenly it was too much, and Road took the approach of a gentle Allen, a REALISTIC Allen, and it took Lavi completely off guard. It suddenly made it all more painful.

I do think perhaps he considers Allen differently, if only because he saw them far latter and had to come with a lot of different realizations about Allen- especially by seeing under his mask. Lenalee was always sincere about how she felt- he saw her crying on her fallen companions when they first met. Allen fakely smiled, Lavi took him for granted, and had his entiere view on him shifted by the Eliade incident only to then lose him. If Lenalee showed the good of caring for your own people, Allen was confusing, was the opposite of “All humanity sucks” Pre-Order Lavi.

bc i also think that counts: yes Lenalee cares only about her people, like you say- but Allen went off record to cut himself out from everyone while trying to save everyone: humans and akuma alike. I think that plays too. Lenalee keeps a few people close and she loves them openly. Allen fakes being close to everyone while he actually doesn’t let anyone in, carries all the burden for himself, and fight for absolutly everyone, friends or foes. And not by naivety, like Lavi first assumed, but by knowing too much. And ain’t “knowing too much” exactly what the Bookmen are for? “Knowing too much” is the reason Lavi cannot bring himself to get emotionally attached, and even managed to distach himself before the Order. Yet “Knowing too much” is the reason Allen cares so much despite consequences, despite what comes with it, despite seeing its horrors even more. “Knowing too much” had Lavi look down on humanity. “Knowing too much” had Allen focused on saving it. If only because of how much Lavi can relate to that, and how it links back to the sudden knowledge of what the eye bring, the vulnerability it created is fascinating.

(hell the whole torture does end with this: (translated from french bc it’s easier to grab my volume than look the chapter online sorry about that):Bookman self: Why are you so different from the 48 me before you? why does 49th suffer this much? Do you not want to be a Bookman anymore, “Lavi”? You prefer fighting for passing friendships? You know very well there’s no hope left to have in humankind. It only knows how to create conflicts. You know it well! So forget your self consiousness and remind yourself that “I”, I have responsabilities as Bookman.Lavi: Easy to say. Try to understand “me”. I lost faith in humanity. I wondered “Until when is it going to tear itself apart?” I was convinced that as a Bookman, I was belonging to a whole other species, what bullshit… But… could you light it up for me? In which purpose….. do Bookmen exist? Why the wars don’t end in the world of humankind?Bookman self: Why do you ask “me”? I don’t know!Lavi: I am you, right? There was 48 before. And with me, “Lavi” it makes 49…. 49 for one single person: “me”. And you still don’t have an answer? So if someone has to know….Unclear (probably both as it’s when “Lavi” disappears): The first one who started to change was You. The one who wanted to get out from this dead end. Who looked for answers.

Those are the questions that arose from Road’s fight. This is the questions that arose from fighting the people he loved, from facing Allen, from facing guilt. I am still fascinated by this monologue to this day because i’m not entierely sure what it means except that Lavi is taking a different approach at being a Bookman, and trying to figure out what it means to be one outside from just coldly recording as a neutral party. He went from “Knowing too much is why I don’t care for them” to “but I have a responsability by Knowing too much to make sense of it”. And that’s something that, to me, seems influenced by Allen. If only because Allen was the catalyst of every step through that nightmare: From what Broke him to what Called Him Back. Of what Broke him by “sticking to the cold Bookman nature” self, and what Called Him Back due to “Acknowledging Emotions” (the Caring Call (erg this section was added after i explained further down what the Caring Call is, details further down), but also Road’s - as he directly then tells Allen when he awakes “dO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THIS GIRL CARES ABOUT YOU”. Lavi’s key to salvation was to acknowledge Feelings. Of using this Knowledge he had to emotionally reccord to know how to emotionally get out. It isn’t for nothing Mister Heartless’s battle was a battle in his own heart this whole time.)

I do think there might be something for the torture of seeing everyone you don’t want to admit you care about hate you, and having the one person you know would care no matter what die in front of you because of the heartless facade you want to believe yourself to be, would break Lavi. Allen himself doesn’t hurt Lavi, Lavi still “gets stabbed” by everyone else fake!self. (albeit we know that Lavi still managed to stab himself first but u know what i mean). Somewhat it was more painful to be the cause of Allen’s downfall than Allen hating him. And this close from thinking Allen died? No wonder it hurt this much.

For Road to pinpoint it… honestly i could have easily said “it’s Road’s own feelings shinning through as well” since she does have a soft spot for Allen (and did hide in Allen) if it wasn’t for the Card and how it was presented beforehand.

… and i’m just realizing, Road hid in Allen probably expecting that Lavi would not be able to actually stab Allen without good reasons. And hell, Lavi didn’t do it until Allen called for him on the other side, what i called Caring Calls earlier (recent chapters say that “just like Akuma the loved ones’s call can be strong enough to bring back your soul from where it wanders”, imo it didn’t man that “Allen is completely like an Akuma” (more layered than that) but directly said that Johnny’s love was enough to get through Allen right? Then there’s no reason not to assume that “Lavi can you hear my voice?” didn’t manage to get through Lavi still. And it would be extremely ironic that the two who had loved ones become Akuma would manage to use the very power used to make Akuma, ie the caring calls, to fight back the Noah, using how they weaponized emotions against them by weaponizing it back. Especially the two who fake their emotions the most.). I think Allen’s voice managed to ground Lavi’s back in reality enough to be able to stab Road and see clarity in her mind game. But the only facts she pulled it that way says a lot about the assumptions she took away from it, and even more so when she was mostly right until Lavi gained clarity of mind.

Lol it’s actually a good thing Lavi’s not around to hear Allen’s backstory. Kanda’s a good first time listener for Allen because I doubt he’ll overreact in a way to make Allen regret it. If Lavi ever learned about how mistreated and abused Allen was I don’t think he could contain his anger (you’d almost pity Cosimo if he’s still around and Lavi ran into him knowing him as Allen’s past abuser).

Honestly mood. I think Kanda would at least.. work better to catalyze what’s happening. From his own tragic past to how much he knows he can rely on Allen on that matter, I think he’s more likely to have a balanced enough reaction that we can get Allen to tell his full story without being interrupted. I think everyone else would get too emotional to let him finish ahah. But that’s to wonder how much Lavi would react to past hurt… Again, or does he only care when they nearly died. I don’t know if Lavi would get very stormy-pissed off but if Cosimo was still alive and Lavi met him knewing what happened I’d see him pulling Chaotic “pranks” at him in a very bad way? like. Restless. And Mean. But who knows really… tbh now that I think about it considering how he behaved to Lveille.. I think he would only become coldly cruel if Cosimo appeared in front of Allen and Allen showed discomfort. There, all hell would break loose.

But yeah I could go on about Lavi. He’s a complex guy.

considering this is the length of this answer thus far, I think we found each other nonny and you dug right into my heart. Needs two to cry over one fake heartless boy.

Sometimes I wonder if Lavi even believed Bookman when he said Allen was alive? We know Lenalee eventually did when she stated her belief during the Eshi fight. Lavi however was so furious when he wanted to fight Tyki that he didn’t calm down until Tyki said Allen was alive. Lavi acted shocked to hear that and still seemed surprised when Allen actually showed up. Compare his reaction to Lenalee who was angry at Tyki but not that revenge driven because she believed in her heart already Allen was-

2 alive and would rejoin them. She chose to have a lot of faith in order to keep her going (that says a lot about her strength of character, personal opinion) while Lavi stayed focused on his loss of Allen. It’s interesting how Lavi’s relationship with death itself plays so much into how he functions even inside his own mind. It might be why Lavi shows a fear that Allen will die because he’s too good to last in the world (the whole like the light scene). Darkness is permanent. Light isn’t.

First “Darkness is permanent. Light isn’t” is a freaking raw line, and it fits Lavi’s mindset so much, especially how much he had lost faith in humanity and the moment Allen lightened up (as you say, “you are light, i’m afraid you will disappear in the light”(paraphrazing bc i dont’ have the word for word englih vers and the french vers is more confusing). also this is so interesting that for Lavi there is darkness but for the Light, it’s the fear the Light might take Allen away. esp since he specifically mentions how “the crowned Clown”, that masked innocence is the one taking him away. The Light that is taking Allen away is the Innocence. And he compares the Masked innocence to Allen right after Allen try to smile to lift up people’s spirit: another smile Lavi sees right through as a fake smile, fearing Allen is losing himself in his own light, behind his mask: that while it’s a mask, it remains a light that can disappear. Lavi sees the destruction possibility from Light as well, had lost Allen to the darkness (and we, the audience, saw Allen being dragged away in Nea’s darkness at this point when he almost died) only now to be swallowed whole by the Light. Poetry.)

Also I completely agree on the Lenalee’s reading. I also really believe Anita’s sentence matters there, the one she tells Lenalee (and that is supperposed on Lavi) of believing Cross is alive “because it’s the only thing that’s giving me strength”. The dialogue seems to be echoing Lenalee and Lavi’s need to hold on to the thought of Allen being alive to give them strength.

The Asian Branch was the one to tell them Allen was alive but unable to use his innocence though so, as far as we know, Lavi had nor eason to really doubt Allen was alive. But I do think he was distressed by the amount of emotions it provocked him. Bookman beat him up for caring too much after he got cruel with Lenalee’s grief. Tbh I think Lavi was externalizing his own frustration on her, almost talking to himself. “Get yourself together, people die in wars, you should be expecting it”- all those horrible things he tells Lenalee while she’s crying for Allen, after Lavi ends up breaking a glass out of frustration- the fact Bookman then tells him that he shouldn’t be caring so much makes me think he was talking to himself but didn’t want to admit it. He felt the same distress as Lenalee but where Lenalee knew to externalize her feelings, to acknowledge them, Lavi was distressed to even have them, and instead of facing them, he took it against her. Perhaps there was something “unfair” that she could feel grief while “he couldn’t,” and by shutting her grief down, he would do himself the service to shut his grief down. Obviously a dick move. But also a personal one.

I really do think it’s a lot about Lavi not wanting to process the grief. Being unable to process it, and rejecting it completely. He didn’t go to the multiple stages of griefs, he didn’t have to be in denial, he didn’t have to barging: He went straight to anger and didn’t know how to get out of it. Allen being alive meant he didn’t have to go through all those steps but as a result he instead got overprotective. I think there’s this though too is that when Lenalee almost died, Lavi jumped to Denial first and expressed it with Anger. Lavi didn’t let the possibility of Lenalee being dead sink in, even if he was terrorized by it.But for Allen, Timcanpy showed them as much shootage as he could, and for the trip from the Ace of Spade to the Boat, Lavi and Lenalee had no reason to even hold on hope. I believe too that the fact Lavi managed to hold on Hope for Lenalee was both that 1) Allen’s case showed the Denial was a possibility, 2) that he still hadn’t recovered from the recent grief that he wasn’t ready to go through anothr one.

Likewise it’s not just Allen’s life that almost got lost: it was his innocence. And Lavi knows how important Allen’s duty is for him. We as the audience get to hear Allen says that he’d rather be dead than not being able to fight in the war, to save poeple. Lavi knows Allen cares about saving humanity and akuma, and for that , he needs the innocence. And he knows Allen gives himself up selflessly entierely for that. If Timcanpy’s recording showed everything, they also saw that Allen died because he tried to bring salvation to Suman, even when Suman was considered a traitor to the Order. And Unlike Lenalee, Allen didn’t know Suman personally. Allen just did it out of his own heart, of what he wanted to save.

The loss of Allen was a loss of what was good in humanity. Of this Light that was going to fade away. And the fact is that up until Allen arrives, no one knew his Innocence would still work. Tyki took away Allen’s life purpose. Tyki took away what Allen used to save people, selflessly. Tyki took away Allen’s light, the salvation that Allen was offering others, what Allen cared above anything else.

That adding to how little he processed the grief and how cruel Tyki had been, Lavi’s outbrust is more than justified for me. And even better for me to believe he knew Allen was alive but thought about how much he had lost. Because suddenly not even Allen being alive, not even how much he had to remind himself he had no heart: Lavi couldnt help let his fury take him over seeing Tyki. No amount of reasoning with himself, no possibility to blame anyone else but the person in front of him. And that’s RAW.

(also if we go Lavi = Heart theory (which we all know i’m a sucker for) it’s also amazing that both Allen and Lenalee’s innocences evolved. First, both innocence shielded them from Death, Allen’s innocence litterally repairing his devoured heart. (his!! heart!!) : bth while Lavi was freaking out about their death and couldn’t let it sink in. Lenalee’s innocence then remained non-offensive the entiere time (finally answering her wishes to not be a weapon in the war after she almost died in it), the only time she begs for her innocence back is when Lavi is not conscious to hear her, and the innocence accepts her again after she begs for it in the infirmary in front of Lavi (with a lot of Focus on Lavi i might add). For Allen, his innocence evolved when Tyki sent the Akuma to kill him when he saw Lavi’s distress. Lavi’s emotions were all over the place and suddenly he had reasons to fear for Allen’s life again and that’s when the innocence shielded Allen with light. Also note that during that fight against Tyki Lenalee’s innocence shield her in a crystal again when Lavi lose sight of her and panics. Also fair to notice that Allen’s innocence evolved into an innocence “harmless for humans” right when Lavi’s mind was being broken and a fight between the two of them was unavoidable. Allen’s innocence evolved in a way that could protect Lavi right before Lavi needed it. But again it’s Heart theory stuff and y’all know what a sucker i am for it).

ALTHOUGH I do believe that even if Lavi believed Allen was alive, it was a harder belief to hold on to. That he believed in it “only to give himself strength” and seeing Tyki had his strength waver. While Lenalee held on it tightly, put all her faith in it (ironical for a character characterized by her lack of faith in her innocence, yet her full faith into people, her need to have faith that they will be okay (i do think she mentions something like that about Komui too, of having to hold on faith it will be alright.): an interesting tidbits about Lenalee imo), Lavi tried so hard to rationalize all of that that he might have “believed” in the background without holding this thought too hard because doing so would be caring too much, would be reopening thewounds that hadn’t healed and refused to. No need to believe if you don’t acknowledge it right? You can interpret the shape of a cloud any way you want, there is no shape to believe in if you keep your eyes closed. Until you’re forced to snap your eyes back opened and face it ithout being able to have the time to rationalize it.

Does that make sense? I hope it does.

But yes, I agree, I do think that coming this close from almost losing him had Lavi scared to process the grief again. And scared to lose him to the light like they lost him to the darkness, one extreme to the other.

DGM: Crud. All this Lavi talk and his feelings over loss makes me realize he hasn’t seen or experienced Allen’s Noah awakening at all. What if Lavi’s going to be a observer and he’s helpless watching Allen deteriorate in front of him. How’s he going to talk to Neah? How’s he going to feel about Kanda carrying the burden of killing Allen before Neah takes over for good? Apocryphos chasing after Allen to merge w/him and hurting their friends along the way? There’s a lot of bad waiting for Lavi!

I almost answered this one on its own but i think it ties in perfectly: Isn’t Allen’s current storyline of being torn between the darkness (Noah/Nea) and the Light (Innocence/Apocryphos)? This would be Lavi’s fear come to realization again to see it. To see Allen being swallowed by either, to see him struggle against either side.

Lavi did hear of at least the whole thing Cross told Allen about Nea/Mana and Allen’s determination of “I am not the 14th, I am Allen, and screw him, i will fight for myself”. Lavi was the only witness of this convo with Cross and the Crows. (which also makes me realize how much Lavi DOES know about Allen at this point bc that was a very particularly vulnerable moment in which Allen completely broke down in front of Cross. His mask fell down by facing his past.)

so if anything, Lavi knows Allen will fight no matter what, he knows of Allen’s determination: But he hadn’t seen how much it had been tested so far. Currently Allen is being tested to some extreme with how much both sides are tearing on him. A lot of set up Lavi is aware about and worried about, but hadn’t been able to experience yet. And with Lavi’s current bad experience with the Noah (with Fiidora drawing his heart broken i’m going to sUE-) I doubt those feelings would be easy to sort out.

It’s funny how Lavi is forced to be neutral by watching both sides and yet being emotionally involved in the exorcists and physically involved with the Noah, while Allen is forced being Neutral by being rejected from where he wants to be and dragged where he doesn’t want to. I wonder how much facing that would feel like.

OKAY THAT’S ALL FOR THE LAVI’S ASKS I THINK. I think we might have overlooked a few things but that’s a Lot to dig in and… lavi makes me weak.

Also pour one fam’ that’s litterally a fic update at this point.

I just hope it sort of makes sense wow.

TAKE CARE AND THANKS FOR THE LAVI FEELS OF THE DAY!

(Jumping on the next one in a minute, it will probably be shorter. hopefully)ligdorm

#ichafantalks dgm #wassup this answer is litterally 6k words long #pour a drink for the lavi lovers out there this post is for u #ichameta dgm #anonymous #ichareply #long post for ts #readmoreundercut #dgm meta

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sonnets-and-snowdrops · 7 years

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Easy As 🎂

Fandom: Saiyuki Pairing: 58 if you squiiiiiint (though you don’t really have to squint that hard tbh) Genre: Fluff / slice-of-life-ish / friendship / birthday fic! Rating: G Word Count: 2k this was supposed to be short and sweet but it turned out to be long and sweet oops Summary: Hakkai wakes late one night to an unexpected clamor in the kitchen. He investigates, and before long, he discovers that his roommate has a sweet side. So to speak. Author’s Note: This is my first published Saiyuki fic ever, so - um - I’m a little nervous about posting, actually? But, I mean - I couldn’t not do something for Hakkai’s birthday this year. I’ve been putting off joining the Saiyuki fandom for ages as it is, and the timing of Hakkai’s birthday with the ending of the ReLoad Blast! anime yesterday struck me as mildly poetic. Not sure how, exactly but… well, that’s the “mildly” part? Meh. Anyway. Also, I dunno how well this little thing really reflects my typical fic writing (read: I am normally the mayor of Angst City so be warned for the future my friends), but heck, it’s a birthday fic. And god knows poor Hakkai can use a few genuine smiles. So… yeah! Enjoy! This work is un-beta’d. All errors are mine.

He doesn’t spend many of his nights sleepless anymore.

He has, little by little, found it easier and easier to close his eyes - both of them - at the close of day, and to silently bear his pain when, night by night, the cold moon quietly bares its face. He has, little by little, ceased marveling at his unlikely survival, and he has, little by little, convinced himself to stop running his curious fingers over the ugly patch of raised, ridged skin upon his stomach beneath the layers of pajamas and bedsheets. He has, little by little, learned to accept that, however much he might wish otherwise, the rain will still fall some nights.

He has, little by little, begun to forget.

That’s what Cho Hakkai tells himself, anyway.

Which isn’t to say, of course, that Cho Hakkai regularly sleeps the whole night through. On the contrary, he’s grown accustomed to late-night clamor, and to drunken footsteps in the hall, and he knows exactly what it sounds like when his roommate grumbles his unintelligible frustration at his inability to crack open his tall, cool nightcap after two, and sometimes three, and sometimes four or more attempts. He’s come to recognize the plastic rattle of dirty dishes crash-landing in the sink, and the heavy thud of his incidental companion crash-landing in his bed in the room next door. Some nights, if his body is feeling especially restless or his ears are feeling especially perceptive, he can even make out the faint click and hiss that signals the lighting of the day’s last cigarette; on these nights, he always finds himself fretting - probably unnecessarily, even he can admit - over images of stray, smoldering ashes falling lightly to the floor and setting the meager house aflame.

Tonight, as usual, Hakkai wakes in the small hours of the morning to the slamming of a door and the muttering of a colorful string of expletives. He allows himself a small, solitary smile in the dark. He’s home safe, then. Good. Deny it though he might like to, Hakkai can’t pretend that he doesn’t worry, sometimes. It’s clear to him that Sha Gojyo occasionally mingles with a less-than-savory crowd. Hakkai has seen the scars upon his host’s face, but he hasn’t yet summoned the boldness to inquire about them. Besides, he always reflects when these thoughts occur to him, who am I, of all people, to judge a man for the scars he bears?

But those thoughts, Hakkai decides, are best left alone for the time being. He’s satisfied that the grisliest half of Gojyo’s evening has come to an end, and that, for now, is more than enough. And so, Hakkai rolls onto his side, pulls his blankets up to his chin, lets out a contented yawn, and prepares himself to sleep well until at least sunrise.

He barely makes it five minutes.

A massive clatter shatters the stillness. Instantly, Hakkai sits bolt upright. He sticks his hand out sideways, feeling around blindly on the nightstand for his glasses. When he finally locates them, he thrusts the thin frames onto his face and tumbles, barefoot, out of bed, throwing open the bedroom door and sprinting to the kitchen. “Gojyo?” he calls, his voice still thick with sleep. “Gojyo? What happened?”

In truth, Hakkai half-expects to find Gojyo sprawled on the ceramic floor, bleeding, or in a puddle of his own sick, or worse. A faint groan rises from the general direction of the kitchen, and Hakkai, his concern mounting, quickens his pace. “Gojyo!” he calls again, careening around the corner and skidding to a desperate halt. “Gojyo, I heard a crash! Something loud - are you all - ”

Just like that, Hakkai’s question dies in his mouth. For a moment, all he can do is stand in the kitchen doorway and blink, very stupidly, at what he sees. “Gojyo?” he hears himself say. His voice sounds small and silly and strangely far away.

Gojyo, for his part, blinks right back.

“Oh,” he says, helpfully. “Crap.”

Gojyo’s standing bent over the kitchen table, wearing nothing but his raggedy jeans and a sheepish smile. A mess of mixing bowls, stirring spoons, measuring devices, sacks of flour and sugar and spices, bottles of essences and extracts, a carton of eggs, a jug of milk, and about a dozen other items that must have been buried deep in the recesses of their kitchen cupboards, are spread out in a precarious-looking heap on the tabletop. All of it is completely covered in flour.

Gojyo himself is completely covered in flour, too. It sprinkles his eyelashes, and appears in standout splotches in his hair, the dusty white uncannily bright against the deep red. “Uh,” he says. “Hiya, Hakkai.” He starts to let out a mildly self-conscious laugh, but then a look of stark confusion comes over his face - and he sneezes, sending a brand new shower of flour, looking for all the world like a great, white, miniature volcano, blasting through the air. He sniffs, and wipes his nose with the back of one grimy hand. “Sorry, man,” he says. “I didn’t mean to wake ya.”

Hakkai takes a few cautious steps closer to the flour-flooded table. “What on earth,” he asks, “are you doing? And,” he adds, casting a swift glance to the clock on the wall, “at three in the morning, too.”

Gojyo shrugs. “Nothing,” he says, but Hakkai sees the way his smile turns sly. “Why don’t you just go on back to sleep. Okay?”

“With the kitchen in this state? I certainly think not.”

“I’ll clean it up. Promise.”

“Gojyo,” Hakkai says firmly, moving forward with purpose now, “I’ve seen what your attempts at ‘cleaning’ look like. Needless to say, no matter how earnest that promise is, I won’t be able to rest until I’ve tidied things up myself.”

“Uh - hang on, Hakkai - ”

“What is it?”

“Just - uh - hang on a sec, man - w-wait!”

Suddenly, Gojyo has his arms spread out wide, and he’s blocking Hakkai’s way to the mess on the kitchen table. Hakkai crosses his arms, and plays at patience. “You know, Gojyo,” he says mildly, “it’s considerably more difficult to clean something when you’re not allowed access to the thing you’re intending to clean.”

“Uh - yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. Just, uh - ”

“Would you move aside, please?”

“Uh - ”

Hakkai is trying his best not to grow exasperated, but in truth, it’s becoming more and more difficult by the second. “Gojyo,” he finally says, speaking through a tight smile, “what are you hiding?”

He watches Gojyo’s eyes flicker back and forth, rapid and nervous, between the table and his roommate. “Uh,” he says again - and then he hangs his head, and lets his arms fall to his sides. “It’s dumb,” he confesses, his voice low. “It’s - it’s really stupid.”

“Oh?”

“Nah, like - like, really, supremely stupid - ”

“Try me?” Gojyo glances up, and even through the flour that cakes his face, Hakkai can see a faint blush creeping into his roommate’s cheeks. He’s embarrassed, Hakkai realizes abruptly. “I won’t laugh, Gojyo. I won’t.”

“Tch,” Gojyo says. “Bullshit. You laugh at everything, Hakkai.”

“Not everything.”

“ - a-ha-ha-ha, like that - ”

“Not everything, Gojyo.”

“C’mon, you know exactly what I’m talkin’ about, don’t gimme that look - ”

He’s not quite sure whether it’s the right thing to do or not, but for better or for worse, Hakkai reaches out and lays his steady hands on Gojyo’s dusty shoulders. “Gojyo,” he says, and Gojyo’s rapid-fire words stop in their tracks. Hakkai looks squarely into his roommate’s bloodred eyes. “I won’t laugh,” Hakkai repeats one more time, and he hopes his voice sounds warm and honest. “No matter how - ah - stupid - you think it is.”

“…okay.” Gojyo takes a deep breath, then lets it out through his teeth. “I was trying to bake a cake.”

For the second time that night, Hakkai finds himself blinking dumbly at his roommate. “A cake?” he repeats.

“A cake.”

Hakkai feels the corners of his mouth quirking upwards, but he stops them, lest Gojyo think he’s about to let out a burst of laughter. “Whatever for?” he manages.

“Uh. Well,” Gojyo says, breaking away from Hakkai and reaching for one of the low-backed chairs tucked in at the kitchen table; Hakkai resists a strong urge to cringe as he watches Gojyo sit down, settling his backside without any care for the abundance of flour covering the seat. “You, uh - you’ve been here for a little while now, y’know?” Gojyo starts, not meeting Hakkai’s eyes.

“Yes,” Hakkai replies. “And you know how grateful I am for every- ”

“Save it,” Gojyo says, with a crass wave of his hand. “I’ve heard all of that from you before. Anyway,” he continues, “Today’s the first day of fall, so - I mean, I sorta guessed - and I might’a remembered wrong, but - but I coulda sworn you once told me your birthday was in the fall. Right?”

At that, Hakkai’s mouth falls dead open. “Oh,” he says. “Gojyo…”

“Right? Fall, right?”

“Ah - near enough, yes - ”

“Aw, shit.” Gojyo’s fist lands hard on the dusty table. “Did I mess up? Is it spring? I knew it wasn’t winter - dunno why I remembered that for some reason, but - ”

“No, no,” Hakkai says, moving sideways to pull a second chair out from under the table, and seating himself upon it, suddenly heedless of the messy flour that’s sure to make a distinct impression on his immaculate pajamas. “You were very close. The equinox shifts slightly from year to year, of course - ”

“The equi-what-now?”

“The - the first day of fall, that is - ”

“Oh.” A spark of hope alights in Gojyo’s face. “So - so I was right? Did I remember right, Hakkai? Your birthday’s the first day of fall?”

“Almost,” Hakkai says, and this time, he allows his mouth to curve fully into the smile that it wanted to make earlier. “Usually, it falls - ” He pauses, wincing slightly at the accidental pun in his words, “ - on the last day of summer.”

“Huh,” Gojyo says. “Guess I didn’t do too bad, then, huh?”

“No,” Hakkai answers. “No indeed, Gojyo. You didn’t.”

They sit silently together, in the dark, flour-dusted kitchen, for a long moment. Then, it occurs to Hakkai to wonder -

“Say, Gojyo?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you - um - actually know how to make a cake?”

“…uh.”

Hakkai smiles again. “Not to worry,” he says, rising, and brushing his hands crisply together. “I’ll help you.”

“You can’t make your own birthday cake, moron,” Gojyo says, an affectionate smirk twisting his features - but he, too, rises, tucking a strand of white-caked crimson hair behind one ear to get it out of his face.

And so, they get to work. Hakkai shows Gojyo how to sift flour properly, and Gojyo shows Hakkai that confusing tablespoons for teaspoons and dumping an ostensible excess of vanilla extract into a bowl of batter probably won’t spoil a whole entire cake. They bake, and they joke, and they fling flour and eggshells at each other - something that, prior to this year, Hakkai would never, never, have envisioned himself doing - and, in the end, the cake makes it into the oven, the dishes make it back into the cabinets, and Hakkai and Gojyo make it back into their seats, exhausted and batter-spattered and laughing like idiots.

“So, yesterday,” Gojyo says, after their laughter finally, finally settles. “Your birthday was yesterday.”

“Yes.”

“Happy birthday, man.”

“Thank you.”

Gojyo cocks his head to the side. “How old are you?” he asks, eyeing Hakkai’s face and considering. “Is this a lucky year for you or anything?”

At that, Hakkai can only smile.

“It’s my first birthday,” he says.

Gojyo stares, perplexed.

Hakkai chuckles. Perhaps, he acknowledges, it was cruel of me to put it that way. And after Gojyo made such a nice gesture, too. “I’m sorry,” Hakkai says softly. “What I mean is - Cho Gonou has had many birthdays. But this is Cho Hakkai’s first.”

Understanding dawns in Gojyo’s face. “Ahh,” he says, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement. “I get it. Cool. That’s cool.” He leans back in his chair and fishes a cigarette from his pocket, lays it between his lips, and lights it up, and the smell of stale tobacco begins to mingle with the aroma of baking cake.

And Hakkai watches, and he lets his smile grow even wider. “And do you know what?” he asks.

Gojyo takes a drag on his cigarette, and he lets the smoke out in a dark, elegant stream that cuts through the mites of flour still lingering in the air and rises to the ceiling. “Hm?”

Hakkai’s grinning now - perhaps, he realizes, for the first time in nearly a year.

“Given the circumstances,” he says, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Final Authors’s Note: …also also, fielding opinions here - should I pop this little fic on AO3? Wasn’t sure whether it was quite worthy of that dubious honor, but I’m open to opinions? Thanks again for reading! And happy birthday, Hakkai!

*UPDATE* …I caved. You can now find this fic here on AO3 (Which is to say, if you liked it, drop by and leave kudos? M-maybe? *hides*) Thanks to @imaginarydragonling, @alienatheart, and @clarisselily-writes for your encouragement :)

#saiyuki #hakkai #cho hakkai #happy birthday hakkai #(╭ರ‿^)#that is #erm #supposed to be a smiley face with a monocle #?????#right #moving on #fanfiction #fanfic #saiyuki fanfiction #saiyuki fanfic #my fanfiction #del writes things

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odilekuronuma · 7 years

Text

Berserk: What went wrong?

Art by Kinzoshi.

Hello again, it’s a me.

If you haven’t guessed it by the title, this post will try to address some issues that Berserk supposedly suffers from. Because even though it is generally viewed as a masterpiece, some will find some recurring issue with it, whether it’s the pace, or the tone that has changed etc.And in light of the last chapters it seems relevant now more than ever to make such a post.

But how dare you criticize Berserk? It’s perfect!!

Hold your pitchforks, while I don’t think Berserk suffers too much from the same woes that are common to “lesser” titles, especially shounens, there are definitely some issues with it.My aim with this post is to address the most common complaints about Berserk (the manga not the anime,there’s no point talking about that tbh, it’s just bad) , and what imo are the challenges that face Miura now and in the future.

This post isn’t aimed to be a rant either, since I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible while adressing the issues that are brought up in this post.

I-The pace

So first thing first, we have to address the giant elephant in the room. The most common complaint about Berserk is the frequent and endless breaks. Though we could argue that ever since the announcement about the Berserk anime, we saw the manga resuming publication after it went through its longest hiatus period.

But Miura, knowing how he is, always takes a break, which is pretty much standard at this point, even when he commits to a schedule. So while that itself might be bad, the fans eventually got used to it, and don’t expect him to go for very long before he takes a break.

But that might have a much more significant impact on the manga itself. Namely the pace. And here I’m taking the last 4 chapters as an example.

While I don’t expect the Caska issue to be dealt with in one chapter, it definitely is that it felt a bit dragged out, and the break doesn’t help. Had there not been any break, we’d prolly would have been able to get to the heart of this matter, instead of having to wait till Winter to finally see the resolution to the Caska dilemma.

II- The tone

Many Berserk fans argue that the tone is much lighter now, ever since Guts decided to let go momentarily of his revenge to look for Caska. Some place the shift in tone much further down the road, around the time he acquired new companions, some of which are kids. In fact many outright blame the kids and Miura’s supposed wish to make the manga more kid friendly.

While it’s true that the tone is a bit more lighter now, due to the fact that Guts isn’t a raging lone wolf only obsessed with killing apostles as part of his revenge...I don’t actually think that the kids are to blame, or Miura is trying to make this into a kid friendly manga (as if), not even one bit.

Because there’s still some pretty gruesome things happening, even as Schierke and co got introduced. In fact quite a few of them witnessed those horrors, with the trolls and whatnot. And the tone was definitely darker on Ganishka’s side, who used women for his experiments on the daka and the man made behelit. There’s still a good amount of violence in the manga, especially towards women, but somehow we also saw the introduction of strong female characters (Schierke, Flora, Farnese after reformation,Sonia etc) who counterbalance that, and they definitely act less like damsels in distress.

And on top of that, the tone can get quite dark, as seen in the latest chapter. While it is to be expected since it’s Caska’s dream, Miura didn’t shy away from representing her anxieties in their full glory, and he went even the extra mile to portray them without the usual shading that pretty much censored genitalia in the past.

So all the dark and edgy stuff is just around the corner, and if the tone feels lighter it’s just because Guts isn’t acting like a beast anymore, and actually has companions he cares for and relies on. And even he is aware that it might not last forever.

III- The quality of storytelling

This one will be short, because it’s tied to the previous point. Basically some argue that the storytelling isn’t as great, because the tone has changed. I absolutely cannot agree. Miura is still a great storyteller, and if you believe that violence and gore are what make a good story, or just Berserk, then you prolly shouldn’t be reading it in the first place. Imo that is completely missing the point, Berserk is great because of the characters and the story that is carefully crafted, and Miura is a genius since he can make all the loose ends meet. Which is more than I can say for other authors.

Even if we take a scene as average as a bunch of men drinking alcohol while watching the cherry blossoms, Miura manages to make such a scene super interesting, by giving us access to the characters inner thoughts.

My only gripe with the story is when it becomes too big in scale, and when it’s not centered on the characters themselves. That is particularily true for Griffith’s side, not so much Guts. Guts’ journey is closely related to his own personal struggle, whereas I feel that with Griffith there’s some grand scheme that he plays a role in. It’s not just about his own wish, but what fate has dictated for him.

IV- The art

Ouch now that’s gonna hurt.As much as I don’t agree that the quality of storytelling has decreased, I can’t help but find that the art has been affected quite significantly.

Now to be fair Miura’s art is always changing and evolving. Miura seems to like to experiment with his art, and we saw the art go from a not so great place in the early volumes up to volume 13-14, then become really good if not amazing in the volumes 16-17 which are my favorite period of Miura’s art. Miura even tried to be draw his characters in a more realistic fashion, around Griffith’s rebirth, and the art just got even better and bigger in scale, to the point that it becomes hard to believe it’s just a drawing, and not one of Gustave Doré’s prints..

At any rate, Berserk features some of the best art in the manga industry, and beyond imo. However there is a clear downside to that, it is time consuming, and prolly even tiring. And as Miura gets older, that task won’t get easier. So simplifying his art is inevitable, and I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.

But more than just simplifying his art, Miura made a gamble of sorts, by switching to digital. Many still try to argue that he hasn’t, but if you compare his illustrations in the Grunbeld novel, to the last chapter for example, it becomes clear that Miura uses digital techniques to add some effects to his lineart. Mainly atmospheric effects (fog, light etc).

Credits to Ryu Osaka on Facebook

So there’s some clear difference between Miura’s traditional ink and pen art, and the more recent art featured on the manga that also uses digital techniques to do the backgrounds mostly. And while that’s not bad in itself, you can tell that Miura hasn’t quite mastered digital art. So he has a long way to go before seeing the same quality as his traditional art, if not ever.

I’ll admit I’m a bit biased towards that, because traditional art is more challenging, and time consuming, while digital art and the different softwares it uses are much more practical, and allow you to easily edit your drawing and not worry too much about the placement of the lines or colors for example.So I pretty much hold traditional art in a pedestal, and Miura’s traditional art is simply one of the best I witnessed, period.

So I definitely do see the change in the art direction if you will, and I’m not too happy about it. But I chalk it up to Miura or his assistants not being too familiarized or good at it yet.Things might improve once they get the hang of it, and learn how to make the traditional and digital art blend well together.

Conclusion

So to conclude, I would say that Berserk has overall a few challenges, mainly the pace and the art. The manga would greatly benefit from having a much more consistent release schedule as well as a better pace. The art is still a work in progress I guess, and either way it wouldn’t prevent me or others from reading the manga. We just invested so much time in it, but as someone who has an artistic background it definitely is something that catches my eye and it’s interesting to see where Miura’s art goes from here.

But I definitely think that the manga is doing good overall, there hasn’t been a significant decline in quality, especially when it comes to storytelling. The tone might have changed a bit, but I definitely see it as something that isn’t written in stone, and things could get dark again. And either way Miura still has a boner for drawing dick monsters.So it’s still as edgy as it used to be, just not as much as in your face as in the past.

Hope you liked this analysis. And don’t forget this only reflects my opinion, not two people will share the same views.

#berserk #kentaro miura #analysis

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