#again. i am screaming abt them

[clowningaroundmars]

morales twins hcs

i'm absolutely in love with the idea of miles42 and miles1610 being twins, i'm so glad most of the fandom has basically adopted 42 lmao

some of my own twins headcanons, just random stuff to add onto other ppls hcs ive seen:

☆ 42 loves his mamí absolutely but def acts the most like his dad, and haaaates when anyone points it out. it's the most obvious when 42 gets mad, he sounds EXACTLY like his father then lol

☆ in fact, the twins polar opposite personalities is probs bc 1610 takes after his mom's temperament more, while 42 is as stoic, stubborn and slightly dorky as his dad is

☆ whenever the boys made each other cry (by accident or otherwise) they did the typical little kid thing and tried immediately comforting the other. now that they're older 1610 handles his emotions better and is mature when talking about them, but 42 is the one who comforts 1610 more often

more below ↓

☆ as well as staying on top of his academics, 42 also plays basketball and trains in a couple martial arts studios after school. 1610 is taller than 42 bc of the spider bite but 42 has always been slightly bigger and more muscular than 1610 since he's the athlete. whenever the family attends 42's boxing matches, jeff gets an overwhelming sense of deja vu from back when he attended his own brother's matches before

☆ they both got thru school p okay, not many incidents of bullying mostly bc if anyone did try, 42 would put a stop to that nonsense immediately. 42 loves his bro with his whole heart and was glad to pick a fight with anyone who gave him any trouble at all. the whole neighborhood knew it too bc the only person allowed to bully 1610 is 42 himself!

☆ in fact, 42 doesn't win the lottery to enter visions in the first place, which saddened both brothers when they found out. so because they're at separate schools now, 42 makes sure his twin knows that if any fuckery is afoot at visions that he'd be more than happy to roll up and dogwalk any fool who tries it. 1610 laughs him off but knows his bro has got his back for sure

☆ 42 likes to pretend 1610 is the nerdy one, but they are both very big anime and manga nerds. every time they hit up any bookstore, they both make a beeline for the manga section and argue over who's gonna read the newest one first (they have to share cuz those books cost some moneeyyyy, man)

☆ 1610 and 42 love their uncle to pieces, OFC. they both pick up separate traits from him, even. 42 was inspired to start martial arts and boxing from watching videos on old digital cameras that aaron hung onto thru the years. they were of a much younger aaron back in his boxing days, when his family went to his matches and recorded them from the seats. 1610 was inspired to pick up graffiti and then even started doodling in notebooks bc of aaron

☆ 1610 is def the social butterfly and easily the most popular kid on the block by virtue of how friendly and outgoing he is. 42 is more introverted and keeps a small circle of friends, but everyone is cool with him nonetheless since they fuck with his twin bro

☆ since 42 stays at home the most (lol he a homebody) he picks up cooking much better than 1610 thanks to him staying in the kitchen to help his mom make dinner while they watch telenovelas together. 42 also knows how to dance bachata and salsa much better than 1610 too

☆ both twins love physics and math but 42 is more hardware-inclined. 1610 is about software, data, and formulas. 42 is good at taking things apart, putting things together, building and engineering. he kinda takes after his uncle aaron that way, and drove his parents nuts as a lil kid when he got his hands on radios, computers, clocks, etc

☆ 1610 loves softer brighter music like JID, steve lacy, smino, frank ocean, kid cudi, post malone, and nujabes. 42 is always bumping harder shit like pop smoke, waka flocka, zillakami, three 6 mafia, benny the butcher and some oldies like paul wall, wu tang clan, biggie smalls, MF DOOM and big KRIT. they tease each other's music tastes a lot since they're polar opposites in almost every way

☆ they actually have a shared playlist where they add new music they like (probs on some e-1610 spotify or soundcloud equivalent since everything is slightly skewed on e-1610 tbh). both of them check it periodically, and 42 is the more frequent contributor

☆ they both make art but 1610 is the artsier kid for sure. 42 doodles occasionally but he's not as enthusiastic about it as his twin is. they both go around the city tagging walls whenever they have any free time, though. 1610 loves colors, expressive styles and is good at coming up with cool ways to draw text. 42's lines, accuracy and technical skill can never be beat

☆ 1610 has superpowers, sure, but his fighting skills are trash! 42 was always the scrappy one, not 1610, so he shows his twin how to properly throw punches and other useful fighting knowledge. it def comes in handy in the future

☆ jeff loves his sons to death but he often finds himself butting heads the most with 42 since they're so similar, it kinda drives them both nuts. it def gets worse once aaron starts gossiping abt what jeff used to be like when they were kids, giving 42 plenty of ammo. they love each other but their relationship is just as complicated as it is between jeff and 1610, and 42 would be lying if he said he wasn't affected by the rift between his dad and uncle himself

☆ the minute the twins turn 16, 42 goes out and gets his drivers license on the first try (computer quiz AND road test aced) and rubs it in 1610's face almost constantly. 1610 likes to throw back that there's no parking space for another car on their block, so he can't even get his own car even if he wanted to anyways

☆ whenever the boys really fight, the whole city seems to know. they squabble a lot obvi, they're brothers. but the very few times they've given each other the silent treatment like for real, everyone in the family tries to get them to make up since it's unsettling to see two peas in a pod be so hostile with each other

☆ and since they've always been attached at the hip, 1610 being enrolled into visions felt. weird. everyone thought 1610 was gonna take it the hardest but surprisingly 42 had a harder time adjusting since he always saw his bro in the hallways at school, and was so used to him knowing the latest gossip of anybody in their grade. without 1610 around as often, 42 becomes even more withdrawn than usual

rio looks up from the pot suddenly, glancing at the time. dinner was almost ready and she… hadn't seen not hide nor tail of her son this evening. he returned home from school a couple hours earlier, choosing to skip going to his boxing class to shut himself in his room.

fine. teenagers can be moody sometimes and rio would rather keep her moody son at home where she can keep an eye on him, rather than worry about what he's getting up to on the streets.

strange thing is, though... rio hadn't heard a single noise come out of that room all night. 42 usually liked to have at least some music playing, maybe video game noises out of his nintendo... oh, what was it called again? whatever, that nintendo thing he played on sometimes.

rio placed the lid on the pot and lowered the flame a bit before making her way over to her twin sons' bedroom door, hesitating a bit when she noticed no light was filtering out from the bottom either. okay... that was weird, too. neither of her sons ever went to bed before dinner. ever.

the one time rio dared to try and send her sons to bed without dinner years ago-- as punishment for fighting right there in the kitchen that time-- both twins hollered so loud they got concerned knocks on their front door from various different neighbors. never again, rio remembered thinking that time.

now, the bedroom door stands oddly quiet and completely hollow without any signs of life behind it. rio knocked anyways, hoping against hope itself that 42 didn't go ahead and sneak out of the house without her knowledge. if he did sneak out, he's grounded for 3 months, rio thinks to herself mostly as reassurance. she nervously picks at a nail and strains to hear anything behind the wood.

she thinks she hears a groan and decides to try her luck by slowly opening the door. hopefully he's not in there... y'know, doing teenage boy things, either. dios mío.

rio swings the door open to...

...a completely pitch-black room, save for the sliver of streetlight filtering in past a crack in the window curtains and casting an eerie yellow glow on anything it could touch. it is cold, and also deathly quiet.

rio is shocked.

she walks over to the right side of the room where 42's bed is pushed up against the corner, next to the windows. on that bed lies a big lump, buried under several layers of blankets. the lump stirs.

rio crosses her arms. "mijo, mi amor. are you sleeping? …pero qué te pasa, papí?"¹

42 rolls onto his back and glares sleepily at his concerned mother standing at his bedside. it's dark in the room, but rio's face is illuminated by the living room lights pouring in from the open door. she's wearing a tilted smile, but coupled with the worry lines on her forehead, it isn't fooling anyone.

42 slowly closes his eyes, chin still under the covers, and lets out the most world-weary sigh rio has ever heard coming out of someone as young as him. if it weren't coming from her own son, she might have even laughed.

she immediately sits down, lifting the cover off of 42's chin to check his temperature all over his face. he tries to wriggle away.

"maaaaaa, stop..." he grumbles, trying to pull the covers up higher over his head. "'m not sick, mamí, forreal… chill."

rio leans on a hand. "¿si no 'ta enfermó pues qué es?² what's wrong?"

42 doesn't answer for a bit and rio exhales through her nose. " 'moré, what are you doing in this pitch-black room all by yourself? no light, no music, no nothing. what's wrong? you look like you're on a death bed!"

42 finally opens his eyes again, and blinks a few times as he says, "nothing, ma. seriously, i'm just... tired. that's all. i'm fine."

"you don't look 'fine' 42, you look like 2 seconds away from flatlining."

another sigh from the boy. rio rolls her eyes and places her hand on his forehead again, then strokes his cheek.

"is it 1610? hmm?" rio asks 42. she asks so unbelievably gently, as if by only mentioning his brother's name she would shatter something in the room. a mirror or something.

42's heart clenches at the love and care his mother is showing around this particular topic. it was true, and he couldn't even deny it. having 1610 in the house less and less every week, not seeing him in the hallways at their local high school, receiving sparser and shorter replies to his texts... it was all building up in his chest and the dam was pretty close to bursting. especially now as his mom was lovingly stroking his cheek as she checked in with him. how embarassing. rio wouldn't see him cry, not right now. he closed his eyes and willed the tears away, for her sake.

miraculously, 42's voice didn't crack or waver when he said, "yeah. yeah, i miss 'im."

rio crooned something saccharine in spanish and placed a kiss on her son's forehead. she saw right through his cold tough guy act, as expected. with how much of a mama's boy 42 was, it would've been impossible not to. they spent way too much time together for her to miss how he dragged his feet getting ready for school in the mornings, how he's been skipping martial arts and basketball practice more often lately, and how unenthusiastic he's been in general.

rio chuckles as she lays her cheek on 42's forehead for a second before sitting back up. "ay, bendito. 42, you know your brother is just down a few blocks from here. why don't you go visit him soon?"

42 shuffles under the covers. he's unsure if he should even admit this, but he proceeds anyways. "uhm. he's not answering my texts lately, so." he feels strangely guilty about this, like he just snitched on his twin somehow even though he has no reason to suspect that at all.

rio sighs and looks off into the distance, bracing herself for what she's about to say. she looks back down. "yeah. i know. he doesn't answer mine, either. i was hoping he was talking to you, but... well. "

something in 42 stirs a bit. "i bet he thinks he's in some fancy private school, around rich kids, now he's too good for us," it's a weak attempt at a joke, but rio smiles down at him anyways.

"don't worry. the second he gets home this weekend, he's on house arrest. okay? he's gonna be chained to you the whoooole time. and i'm keepin' watch."

it's not much, but 42 still takes that little bit of hope and holds it gently in his mind.

"the second he walks through that door, i'm tackling him. i don't care." 42 smiles at the thought.

rio laughs, kisses his forehead again and stands up. "dinner is almost ready, by the way." she gives him a look. "you better eat with me tonight, because your brother is at school and your dad is doing overtime tonight. okay? okay."

42 sighs deeply to wake himself up a bit more as he sits up and scratches at his durag. "yeah, yeah. 'm comin', ma!"

¹ "but what is going on with you, papí?" (papí being a common term of affection for a boy in spanish, it doesn't always mean "dad" lol)

² "if you're not sick, then what is it?"

☆ until they get "too old" for halloween, the morales twins ALWAYS wear matching costumes. every year. every single year, no matter what. what they usually end up wearing changes every year and they aaaaaalways argue over it, of course. notable costumes so far: batman and superman (age 13), two ninja turtles (age 9) (im thinking mikey and donatello bc of personality but lbr rio most likely forbade either of them to be leonardo bc the twins would deadass get into a fist fight over it), tom and jerry (age 2), mario and luigi (age 7), woody and buzz (age 5), peter pan and captain hook (age 10), and-- rio's favorite-- thing 1 and thing 2 (age 4)

☆ 42 was surprisingly always very popular with the girls at school. in middle school, 1610 was the geeky one with braces and acne. 42 got off relatively easy in that regard and as a result was labeled "a heartbreaker" from the jump, which annoyed him. he has no interest in dating whatsoever and swore to never get into a relationship before graduating high school. he's got his mom and brother to take care of and he's going places after high school, damnit! 1610 on the other hand is a huge romantic and has a crush on a new person almost every year of school, easily

☆ the literal second 1610 set foot in the house after his spider bite, 42 was all over him asking a million questions since they both have that supernatural twintuition, and 42 sussed him out immediately. 1610 obviously had to come clean and tell his brother he was spiderman just like he told ganke, otherwise he was never gonna be able to change into his spider suit at home (plus they share a room, so. there's that)

1610 didn't even get to close their bedroom door all the way before his twin leaped up from his own bed and stalked over.

"óye, bro. what's up? what happened at visions?" 42 circled his brother, squinty-eyed in the exact same way their mom is when she's suspicious. 1610 dropped his bag next to his bed and plopped down on his sheets, trying to put some distance between them.

"uhhhh what're you talkin' about?" he tries casually, and immediately regrets it.

"uhhhhh what're you talkin' about?" 42 mocks. "don't play dumb with me. you KNOW what i'm talkin' about, stupid. first, you answer, like, none of my texts ever. then dad comes home sayin' you never let him talk face-to-face when he visited you a couple days ago. mamí has been texting and calling you nonstop, no answer either. you are a brand new person now, huh? qué te pasa, yo?"

1610 hunched his shoulders as he got up and slumped over to his desk. he was quietly weighing his options, nervously rearranging papers and sketches on the wooden table, wondering how he was going to break it to his brother that he was--

"lemme guess. you have superpowers now," 42 says easily. he crosses his arms triumphantly when big round amber eyes suddenly turn up to his face.

1610 searches his face for any hint of a joke. no... no way. did his brother just...?

"you're playin' with me. no way. how did you--?"

42's eyes widen. "wait, are you being deadass right now?" he threw his head back and crowed with laughter. "that was just a guess!"

1610 leaped forward and pushed his hand onto 42's mouth, shutting him up. "heeyyy hey hey hey hey shhhhh, man. damn, could you possibly be any louder? look," he took his twin by the shoulders and gave him a slight shake, lowering his voice to a near whisper. "mom and dad can never know anything about this. okay? anything. not a word, you understand?"

42 pushes his brother off. "ok-ay man, cool it. i promise. we can shake on it, even."

wordlessly, they did their super secret handshake they came up with and perfected in the 4th grade in lieu of hooking their pinkies together. it was the morales shake, a move that binds them to secrecy and keeping promises til death. this was serious business. 1610 relaxes a bit once they're done.

"... okay. and i mean it, pencil braids. if you even breathe a word about this, or even think about--!"

"if you don't just tell me already, goddamn."

with a meaningful look thrown at his brother's way, 1610 raises an arm silently. 42 looks back expectantly.

1610 shoots a web up. he jumps up, using the web as a bungee rope to help him flip and land feet-first onto the ceiling. once his sneakers touch their ceiling, he stands up... upside-down. he stares at his brother and his brother stares back, mouth agape.

"niiiiiiice," 42 leans back and grins up at his twin brother, spiderman.

☆ 1610 is glad he has someone besides ganke to talk to about spiderman stuff, though. his brother listens way more attentively than his roommate anyways, and even tries to help sometimes esp when 1610 needs a quick distraction so he can switch from spiderman back into his regular clothes before the parents notice

☆ 42 is surprisingly cool abt his twin bro being spiderman, actually. even when they're texting 42 is careful not to imply 1610 is spiderman, and often calls stuff in to the police station if 1610 webs anyone up and lets him know. he also gets very good at bandaging up wounds quickly

☆ 42 is a hardass on the outside and contains his emotions much better than his twin, but he's kinda different around his family, since he loves them a lot. he jokes around a lot with them, esp around 1610. they also love pranking their parents, and are p creative at coming up with ways to make everyone laugh

☆ i personally picture 42's personality being sort of like huey's from the boondocks, especially around other adults. he becomes withdrawn and speaks very clearly and directly, and is very shy around strangers. some ppl mistake that as him having an attitude problem but his friends and family know better. only difference between huey and 42 is that 42 isn't nearly as woke lmfao

☆ meanwhile, 1610 becomes a motormouth around strangers and is quick to hug and kiss random family members at family reunions. as a lil kid, he'd always be the one up at the counter ordering for the both of them and chatting with the cashiers, or bus drivers, or whoever. as he gets older and used to the spiderman thing, he chats and jokes with randoms a lil less. he has to save the good material for when the mask is on

☆ 42 is a better writer than he is an artist, actually. he has notebooks filled with poetry and lyrics he scribbles down on post-it notes just to stick them in there for safekeeping. he's also been working on a sci-fi story since he was in 6th grade in absolute secrecy; he doesn't want a single soul to see it. he'd be mortified if anyone saw the nerdy shit he comes up with

☆ even tho 1610 has never fought anyone or been scrappy with anyone else, he's very good at wrestling and dodging punches thanks to his brother.

☆ 42 is the more fashion-inclined twin, even tho they're both sneakerheads. 42 just pays more attention to accessories, the fit of his clothing, how to pair the right shoes with the right jacket. 1610 throws on anything comfortable and calls it a day, and it gets even worse after he becomes spiderman. 42 clowns his brother SO HARD after he finds him wearing yellow sweatpants with an oversized red adidas hoodie and a green puffer jacket once (it was when 1610 came home from fighting a shapeshifting lizard that tried to take over cypress hills. the sweatpants were on backwards)

☆ 1610's sense of humor is geeky and he always tries too hard with his quips and jokes. he usually gets "secondhand embarrassment" chuckles from ppl. 42's style of comedy is a mix of dry humor and unintentionally being funny. this dude will say something clever with the straightest face ever and have the ENTIRE room in stitches without even meaning to

☆ just to nail home how different they are, even tho they share a room, you can tell EXACTLY which half of their room begins and ends. 1610's half is cluttered, vibrant, covered in posters and action figures, collages and trinkets on every available surface. 42's is as clean as a hospital room, and he ALWAYS makes his bed every morning. 42 has a poster or 2 hung up but he's not much for decorating in general. he's more into alphabetizing his bookshelf and looking for more efficient storage to put under his bed

☆ when jeff looks at his sons, he sees aaron and himself and sometimes it scares him. when the boys were around 12 (the Evil Year) he made SURE to sign them up for camp trips that summer and keep them close together as much as possible. he hates to see his boys drift apart at all and is the 1st one to call it out if he sees it. he just doesn't want his boys to end up like he and his brother did…

☆ … and then other times? it genuinely makes him feel a combination of irritation and also fondness bc sometimes 1610 and 42 really really remind him of aaron and himself, esp when they were young. ESPECIALLY when they argue. in every playful slap on the shoulder, every arbitrary competition started out of nowhere, every sleepy brother slowly sliding onto the other's shoulder during nighttime car rides, he sees it. he sees them, and then he sees his past. and with every little difference between the boys slowly cracking open like a chasm with each passing day, sometimes he thinks he can even see his future.

☆ 42 is cool or whatever but i also hc he's kinda… weird sometimes. it gets worse when his twin bro goes off to visions, he keeps staring at walls while sitting in dark rooms and eating at weird hours of the day. rio caught him fast asleep practically hanging off the window sill one night, and another time jeff found him having an entire conversation with a brick wall once while on patrol. 42 refuses to answer any questions

☆ after 1610 gets into visions, becomes spiderman, tells his parents abt his plans to go to princeton, etc... 42 eventually starts feeling a type of way (a jealous way…) their parents also seem to pay attention to 1610 more whenever he's home just to add insult to injury. he knows he's not supposed to, but he often finds himself thinking about the prowler gloves and schematics aaron left behind. he managed to grab them and hide them in a gym bag one day while helping his parents clear out aaron's apartment. the tech currently lives under his bed…

[skitskatdacat63]

2005 Chinese Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(ft. Flavio Briatore)

[scuopsie]

Gonna sound like a broken record, but with the resurfacing of trolls (on twt) trying to bully Hakyeon out of the group and the other side scrambling to defend him, i need to rant once again and say: while i absolutely do not condone troll behaviour, i need yall to stop acting like hakyeon is the only member with a successful career outside of vixx. When in fact he's the only one whose solo career yall care about and is admittedly more accessible to most ppl, unlike musical which only a very small group of fans will ever get to experience.

Taek and jaehwan have been doing musicals way before vixx went into a hiatus, and hyuk has ad.a now and it's clear that he's going to be very successful.

Jaehwan opened up about how difficult it was on his body and how his vocals weren't in a good condition BECAUSE he was doing a musical when they were doing comeback preparations and album recording during thr documentary. Taek was doing the mv on no sleep. Hyuk was involved in the directing and creative process of the album while also being the subject.

So I do not think it's unreasonable or even unfair to ask hakyeon to be honest with; 1st himself, and 2nd with the fans. Because over the last 4 (?) Years since he was released from the military and changed labels, he has not shown up for vixx (once in a blue moon where there was anything to show up for) when it mattered. If showing support and promoting them on social media is all he can do, he can do that whether he's officially in or out of the group.

Bottom line is: i respect that he's taking his acting career seriously and I'm proud of his achievements so far, however, he needs to be honest about where his priorities truly are. It's not fair to fans or leohyuken when he insists he's part of the group and cares about it but never actually shows up for activities. It's his words vs his actions, and it hurts people.

[boxwinebaddie]

uncle nina!!! will u plz post some of the nsfw dialogue ur wiritng? we will be nice!

ahhhh jeez sakhdlhds. weeeelll...

....because you asked So Nicely, omg.

Time For Cringe! xx ;)

EDIT: OKAY I KNOW I HAVE TO POST THE MEME ITS NOT DONE!!! I’M SORRY I CAN ONLY WRITE THESE LIKE EVERY COUPLE OF HOURS OR I WILL VISIBLY CRINGE AND DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT. SOON. SOZ.

so idk what this is, i feel like it basically just looks like what that dialogue i posted at the bottom of that first nsfw meme looks like but, to be fair, That Is How Stuff Usually Goes For Them, lmao.

( i also did not write real actions or sentences...we know how i am. so, ur left w my cringe & nowhere to hide )

but anyways, i was just thinking about how for the most part, having a super best boyfriend that is a celebrity is nice in the sense that when you miss him there are hundreds of thousands of pictures, edits, videos, content of him that you have access to. that's nice, ofc.

however, with that said, the internet is full of raven content. who is not real. and almost completely devoid of stan content. who is real.

and jersey kyle, specifically down horrendously, does not want to watch Everyone Else's Raven, wear the little pants, exert crazy amounts of forced sensuality, do the fake dominant, bad boy personality, and shamelessly rizz and flirt w/ the entire world on tv...

kyle wants to watch His Stan get flustered and fall apart on the bathroom floor, needy and desperate, calling kyle while he's away on tour at like 3 AM in his hotel room bc the only way he can get off is to the sound of his voice, super embarrassed and struggling to tell kyle what he wants behind his hands, blushing, eyes wide, while he shows kyle exactly how much he wants and needs him.

...Anyways.

THAT is the high qual content that he's looking for, baby!

so...idk, i was just thinking about that i wrote this whack ass little dialogue scenario thing that i'm not that proud of, but you guys seem to enjoy my weird little writer girl stuff, even if i hate it.

tw for nsfw situations obvi ( i will say theres like no action bc i didnt write it...like i could...oof...anyways ) jersey being scary amounts of hot and mean also ravenstan being very pathetic and eager 2 please.

roll clip!

anyways...good heavens lol! which is not where i am going, no sir, no maam, oh my godslkhdksad. i am sorry for everyone who endured that i am deeply embarrassed by my actions. i will be paying for them while burning in nasty writer girl hell.

...but also....lowkey....i thought i kinda Slayed?

maybe? loL

it is extremely possible that i did not slay even a little but...idk idk idk...i feel like i'm an iconique dialogue queen. my hands are over my eyes. being percieved and existence is a prison...please clap. or laugh.

screaming crying and throwing up.

again...you're welcome or i'm sorry.

maybe i'll fill the actions in...and write the extremely down horrendous dialogue that i put in blurbs...idk.

spain w/o the s.

-i am not claiming this, please don't look at me

p.s. idk why im embarrassed like nothing happened like not only am i cringing there is also nothing to cringe at the way i am like is this too much or too little or LIKE DO YALL SEE WHY I AM BAD AT THIS?

edit x2: oh my god i reread it and i am ill; this is too cringe. everyone gets 2-3 hours max to read this before i throw it in the fire.

[daz4i]

let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them

ok now that that's out of the way.

therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Sometimes I’ll be feeling normal and then BOOM. I remember that people who work on Hilda know about sketchbook. And my sanity goes down the drain.

[mechieonu]

just finished good omens s2. i'm in so much fucking pain and agony

[johndonneswife]

someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck

[aezyrraeshh]

; OC AS A LOVE LANGUAGE

tagged by @indorilnerevarine to take this quiz for some of my ocs; thank you so much for the tag! <33 tagging @arklay @aartyom @risingsh0t @steelport @devilbrakers @liurnia @florbelles @shadowglens @calenhads @aelyosos @jillvalcntines @shepardgf @swordcoasts @cultistbase @brujah @girlbosselrond @camelliagwerm @reaperkiller @faarkas @veisshaupt @celticwoman & whoever else wants to do this!

; a knife called grief

You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.

; an undoing influence

Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.

; violent devotion

Everyone seems to think you are faithless, but the thing is you haven’t yet found someone who will bring you to your knees and make you raise your head in reverence. This world has stopped bringing you joy, you want more of the divine. You want to dedicate your entire existence to someone; you want to make them realise they are not something terrible, make them see just how much beauty they are bringing to this world. You want to be the only one for them, the only one they have chosen to love. There’s a god shaped pit inside of you and only they can fit in it. And what if they choose to walk away? Didn’t I say this was violent devotion?

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

for those we have lost

rating: G

fandom: Final Fantasy XIV

characters: O'ravi Soltholia (WoL), Aymeric de Borel

word count: 1,853

summary: O’ravi is joined by an unexpected – but not unwelcome – visitor during one of her many vigils at Haurchefant's grave. Set maybe a couple weeks after the main scenario quest "Heavensward".

The soft crunch of boots on fresh snow alerted O’ravi to the presence of another, but the pace was slow, and she felt no need to face the visitor.

“You can’t stay away from this place for longer than a few days, can you?” Ser Aymeric said.

A small, bitter smile curled O’ravi’s lips. “Lord Commander. Would you believe me if I said I liked the view?”

“No. No, I would not.” He knelt beside their friend’s headstone, and brushed away the dusting of snow that had accumulated in the short time since she’d last cleared it. The task was futile, the Coerthan winter storms never subsided for long, but she could not simply abandon it. Neither could Aymeric, the metal scales of his gloves clinking faintly against Haurchefant’s shield like some distant chime.

“So, you’ve come to prise the truth out of me?”

Though he tried to stifle it, she still heard his sigh. “O’ravi, please.”

“Come now, I was only teasing. There is no disguising why we’re here.” She turned her gaze back to Ishgard, allowing Aymeric to pay his respects unobserved.

Ishgard, beautiful and grim and bloodstained. The finer details were lost in the winter haze, but she could still make out its silhouette, its spires and parapets and arches. A bastion of strength and order rising from the vicious aether sea below. The city, famed for its isolationism and inaction against Garlean invasion, that became her refuge when all of Eorzea turned against her. When every other safe place became a trap and her own allies turned their backs or blades on her, Ishgard opened its doors to her, foreigner in exile though she was.

Those doors opened because of Haurchefant. Because of his unshakeable faith in the Scions, in her. “Hope incarnate” he’d called her, pleading with his father to believe him when he said any reprisals or risks would be worth it. And Lord Edmont trusted his son, this once. So Haurchefant’s home became her home, his family became her family, his cause became hers.

She’d questioned what it was all for, when he died. When she fought Thordan and the Ascians at Azys Lla. All the empty nights she spent alone in the snow or curled up on the floor in front of a Fortemps hearth. All this loss, this suffering, Haurchefant’s blood staining her gloves…what could be worth all this? What could be worth so steep a cost?

But with peace finally within reach, with heretics and knights finally on the road to accepting each other as brothers and sisters of Ishgard, with highborn and lowborn together striving for a future in which no one need fear losing loved ones to a pointless war with the dragons, she began to understand. Ishgard was at last becoming what Haurchefant and Ysayle believed it could be. The new dawn that they gave their lives to make possible was approaching, however slowly, however painfully.

She did not allow herself to dwell too long on the fact that Haurchefant died to protect her, O’ravi, his cherished friend. His Warrior of Light. The more she thought of it the more liable she’d be to collapse in a fit of grief, and—not in front of Ser Aymeric. Not again. Gods knew he’d seen enough of her tears and her misplaced anger.

“Lord Haurchefant’s death was not your fault or failure,” Aymeric said, startling her from her reverie. “The blame lies solely with Ser Zephirin, my father, and myself.”

“Aymeric—”

“Nay, do not apologize, my friend. Harsh as your words were, you spoke true.”

She scowled, tail lashing beneath her heavy coat. “Your reckless mistake is not the same as willful murder.”

“The result is the same in the end.” He shook his head. “But I must confess, I am glad you do not hold it against me. I feared your resentment and desire for vengeance might consume you.”

“You needn’t have worried. It took more strength than I had to keep channeling my grief into a weapon like that,” she said softly. “Were it not for Alphinaud and Estinien picking me up and hauling me off to battle again and again, I would have fallen to my knees and not gotten back up.”

Aymeric lingered a moment beside the headstone, before joining O’ravi where she stood watch a couple yalms from the cliff’s edge.

He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes. “Forgive me, if I could change the outcome of that dark day, I—”

“It’d be your father who went to the grave, and Haurchefant would still be with us.” She inhaled sharply. “Shit. I spoke without thinking. I’m sorry.”

“You fought and slew him at my behest, O’ravi. His sins were more grievous than I know how to forgive.”

His words did nothing to assuage the storm brewing inside her, and seeing this, his expression softened.

“Yet, there is still some good to come of it: you killed the Ascian that possessed your friend, and my father disposed of the other before he challenged you.”

Her ears twitched backwards, thumping uncomfortably into her hood. “Pfff. If I never fight a battle even half as difficult as that again, it’ll be too bloody soon. I wasn’t certain I’d survive it.”

“You are Hydaelyn’s chosen, blessed with Her grace, and all who have seen you in action can scarce deny that the Fury Herself goes with you. Vidofnir named you warrior of warriors with good reason.”

O’ravi hummed. “Even so, it was not my own strength that kept me standing in that godsforsaken place. Do you know what did, Ser Aymeric? What gave me the will to endure everything they inflicted on me, and to hit them back twice as hard?”

He glanced at her sidelong, watching. And seeing the sorrow in his eyes, the compassion and patience, with the memories of all that happened between them and everything that led up to Azys Lla churning together in her mind, her breath hitched and her words failed her utterly. It hurt to remember; she could not forget. Even if she wanted to.

Most anyone else would’ve been annoyed with her faltering, her sudden silence, but Aymeric wasn’t just anyone else. He waited quietly with her until she found her voice again, and she was grateful for it.

“I fought because Haurche and Ysayle gave their lives so I could have this chance.” She forced herself to speak up above the whistling wind, and as much as it stung her pride to hear the frailty of her voice, she felt no shame in allowing the lord commander to hear it. He’d already seen the worst of her after the Vault.

“Alphinaud, Estinien, and Y’shtola stayed behind—hells, Estinien trusted me with that damn Eye so that I could ensure that their sacrifice was not in vain,” she continued. “And I did. I fulfilled the oath I swore to you, to Alphinaud, to all of House Fortemps: Zephirin suffered and died at my hands, along with all the rest. I even avenged Thancred. I would have been happy to let the facility collapse and take me down with it, but…” She finished the sentence so quietly, she worried that Aymeric did not hear it. “You were waiting for me back home.”

But hear it he did. He turned to her, eyes wide. “O’ravi…”

“You were waiting for me to come home. You, and Lord Edmont, and Cid back at the airship, and—” tears welled in her eyes, her stomach twisting into knots at the memory— “and Estinien said he would find me as soon as he could. He did find me. He was weary but unharmed, and I was so glad to see him, I didn’t even care that he missed the entire battle. He said he was going to take the Eyes somewhere no one would ever find them, and then his work would be done, he’d be free. He was supposed to be free. I never thought—” She whimpered as if struck, the sudden force of barely-contained sobs sealing her throat as she doubled over, clamping a hand over her mouth.

She tried, gods damn it, she tried to help Estinien. Tried to knock an Eye out of his hand, to wrench it away. She did everything she possibly could to help him, and it meant nothing. It accomplished nothing. All of her power, her skill, her precision, focus and experience amounted to nothing. Again.

Aymeric placed a hand on her shaking shoulder.

Before she could realize what she was doing, she flung herself forward and buried her face in his coat.

It had been weeks, but the memory of her dear friend, wracked with pain and trembling, being engulfed by a crimson seething smoke as the dread wyrm took his place remained in her mind all too clearly. That scream of raw agony and rage, his voice subsumed by Nidhogg’s hideous roar—

The weight of Aymeric’s arms settling around her brought her back to where she was. She leaned into him, and rested her head.

“We have to save him,” she murmured. “He’s alone in dragon territory, as Nidhogg’s puppet. We have to free him.”

“I—I….”

“He’s suffering, Aymeric.”

“…assuming that any trace of him survives,” he said quietly, the tiniest quaver in his voice betraying his grief.

She threw her head back, flinging down her hood, and craned her neck to hold his gaze for the first time that day. “He’s still alive! He’s still in there somewhere, I know it. Thancred wasn’t lost when Lahabrea took control. We can still save Estinien.”

For the second time in little more than a couple moons, Aymeric’s famed eloquence failed him.

“If anyone can save him now, it is surely you,” he said at long last, though O’ravi sensed doubt behind his words.

“We couldn’t save Haurchefant, but it’s not too late for Estinien. Please, trust me.”

He did not reply, but his grip on her tightened.

“We're going to bring him home. Free, and safe, and alive. I promise.”

The two of them stood together on that peak, keeping vigil for their lost friends, until the setting sun cut through the hiemal mist and bathed city and highlands both in soft golden light. O’ravi’s legs ached, the chill wormed its way through all her layers into her flesh and bones, but she did not yet have it in her to leave. And though she expected Aymeric to soon depart for some responsibility or another, he remained at her side, a companionable silence between them.

“May I tell you the truth, Ser Aymeric?”

“You may tell me anything you wish, Lady O'ravi.”

“I keep coming here because it's lonely. Just stones and ice.” She turned the opal ring Haurchefant gave her over and over in her pocket. “I don’t want him to be alone.”

Aymeric's smile was small, but warm. “Haurchefant was blessed to have a friend as kind and loyal as you.”

As the sun disappeared behind the distant mountains, Aymeric at last turned to leave, and O'ravi went with him, her arm wound around his.

[bl-inkstone]

hello! this is a draft for the orv thoughtspost that's been rattling around my head for a good while and i realized that i haven't posted in like months so. hi. hey, i'm still here haha :"D

[bylertruther]

i can't explain it well bc my brain is fried after exams but i feel like there is Something there in the fact that whenever the byIer community talks abt how shipping byIer isn't inappropriate and that them kissing is completely normal and fine, people always, always, ALWAYS have to pipe up with "well yeah kissing is fine but [goes on to preach to the choir abt how nsfw byIer is bad]". like. why is that where your mind jumps. why is it that when one person says "mike and will kissing on screen like every other couple has been allowed to would be good and normal and expected, and writing fics where they kiss isn't inappropriate at all, and we should discuss why people think them kissing is any different and inherently dirty and Bad because therein lies the actual issue" some people gotta pipe up and prove that point exactly. like. do u get wht i mean? no one brings up "pr0shipping" or sex or any of that irrelevant shit whenever someone talks abt j4ncy or lvmax sharing a peck. so why do u bring that up here and now? why do you act like we're talking about anything else here and put words in our mouths? why do you feel Some Type Of Way as an lgbt person urself whenever someone else says that they'd like to see a couple tht looks like them express innocent physical affection the same way that everyone else in the show does? why do you suddenly start talking about cp when literally no one is fucking talking about that at all? like. hello. i can't be the only bitch that sees this i can't be the only person that goes 🤨❓❓❓whenever ppl start to needlessly steer the convo in tht direction like .......

[johnmeowston]

me choosing the most weirdest thing youve heard to pour 1/2 of my life into

[rosemary-bells]

right so after reflecting for like five minutes and reading for like thirty i now realize that reading fluff and domestic type fics for ranwan will always hurt infinitely more than angst just bcs of how like. they’ve gone through so much. and just seeing little fics where they can be happy?? relax a little bit??? ajsgdhsjsj,

[b4kuch1n]

your pokemon comics are so so good. they fill me with emotions. leon, gloria, and hop are my favorites ever and going through your tags for them makes me cry its so good

I'm really glad you enjoy what I make for them!! they're very dear to me too. every day I think about the tangle of life and the great work that is sitting with each other while we sort it out