#agatha: Darkhold diaries counter

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 597

Y/N: “OWW!!”

Wanda: “What happened?”

Y/N: “I burnt my fingers on the oven trying to take the pan out!”

Wanda: “Let me see - running it under some cold water should help”

Agatha, peering over Wanda on her tip toes: “Hey! Did you burn your fingerprints off? Are you ready to begin a life of crime as an anonymous purveyor of chaos?”

Y/N, in tears: “My fingies just hurt”

Wanda: “Agatha - priorities! The time for criminal recruitment is later! Go get the cold cream!”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 599

Agatha: *practicing morally depraved spells she remembered from the Darkhold*

Y/N, watching: “I respect her so much”

Wanda: “Why? She’s practicing dark magic?”

Y/N: “I just respect her so much, nothing but respect for her. Such respect to her”

Wanda:…

Y/N…

Wanda, sighing: “You think it’s hot, don’t you”

Y/N: “NO NO! Nothing but RESPECT”

Wanda: “Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries Day 610

Agatha: “This is demeaning”

Y/N: “This is hilarious”

Wanda: “Now come on out! It doesn’t count if you never leave your room!”

Agatha, in a red sweater: “This color! It isn’t mine! I feel…icky!”

Wanda, wearing a matching purple one: “It’s so cute! We’ve swapped looks!”

Y/N: “Hey, I thought you wanted the Scarlet Witches powers? That comes with the color scheme!”

Agatha: “Shut up…I may not have thought that far.”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 602

Wanda and Y/N: *on a mission*

Wanda, summoning a wave of red chaos magic mid battle: “I SUMMON FORTH THE APOCALYPSE IN MY NAME AND ALL THOSE WHO WORE THE CROWN OF THE SCARLET WITCH BEFORE!” *releases with a flourish and causes the ground to quake*

Y/N: “WANDA NO! DON’T LOSE YOURSELF AGAIN TO THIS! YOU BURN BRIGHTER EACH DAY NOT BECAUSE OF YOUR POWER BUT BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE!”

*meanwhile*

Señor Scratchy: *rabid demon noises of worry*

Agatha: “No, no. I’m sure they’re fine. They’ll be back in time to watch jeopardy - I promise”

*meanwhile*

Wanda: *curbstomping cosmic entities with her heeled boots*

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 595

Y/N: “All the signs were there that Wanda was a little fruity”

Wanda: “What do you mean? I was married to Vision? I never showed any signs in the slightest!”

Agatha: “No, no, they’re right. Remember how you would panic when I touched your waist and called you hot stuff?”

Y/N: “Also…your wardrobe”

Wanda: “I’m sorry? What does THAT mean?”

Agatha: “It means I opened the closet yesterday and twenty of your flannels spilled out onto the floor”

Wanda: “…oh yeah”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 609

Wanda: “You look so pretty! Today and everyday”

Y/N, blushing: “Thank you Wanda, you know I always find you so beautiful”

Agatha: *retching noises* “ewwwww only people with low self esteem who need constant validation accept compliments like that”

Y/N: “That’s not the case! It can help bolster self confidence sure, but compliments are a token of affection that are inherent to humans!”

Wanda: “Are you saying that if I told you right now that you were the most beautiful, powerful, successful witch in all of history, you too wouldn’t blush and love it?”

Agatha, trying to hide her red cheeks: “Definitely not…”

Wanda: “Hmm thought so”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Darkhold Diaries: Day 605

Agatha: “IT’S MY DAY”

Wanda: “-Your- day?”

Agatha: “It’s Halloween! The one time a year where witches exist freely and openly. Where one can be unapologetic about their use of magic!”

Wanda: “…What did you do?”

Agatha: “Pfft, that doesn’t matter! You do realize that by saying witches, that also includes you?”

Wanda: “I’m interested” *tries to hide a devilish smile*

*meanwhile*

Y/N, outside handing out candy to trick or treaters: “don’t mind the smoke coming from the house! It’s probably safe and not a foreboding omen of darkness!”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 600

Agatha: “The fact that you had a throne, the entire domain of Wundagore AT YOUR FINGERTIPS?! And you AIDED in its collapse?”

Wanda: “I had to, I couldn’t live with myself morally by letting that place remain as a testament and enabling of my corrupt power”

Agatha: “But the stone carvings! The countless statues dedicated to witchcraft and the centuries of old runes and plinths of fire!!! I would kill for that!”

Y/N, purposefully goading her on: “No respect for ancient architecture!”

Agatha: “NONE! And another thing-!”

Wanda: *glares at Y/N and whispers* “Why would you condemn me to this”

Y/N, smirking: *makes heart hands*

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 608

Agatha: “Please get some sleep”

Wanda, having an existential crisis: “Do you think I made the right decision leaving my boys in the multiverse alone? Sometimes I wonder if alternate universe me is bogged down by the knowledge that in another timeline, she was so unhappy-“

Y/N: “Yeah, but there’s one difference, you have US!”

Wanda, smiling: “That’s so true, thanks for reminding me. It may be different to what I envisioned my life to be, but being here with you both is a wonderful alternate reality.”

Agatha: “Awww that’s so touching, we love you so much Wanda and don’t you forget it! The basement is on fire”

Wanda: “I love you too” *pause* “WHAT”

Agatha: “Just remember you said you love us!”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 601

Wanda, carving a pumpkin: “Circe’s wrath! These carving tools are so awful, they can barely cut through anything!”

Y/N: “Pumpkin carving kits usually are like that, we might need to get a more sturdy knife from the kitchen”

Agatha: “No need, I have one here-” *pulls long blade from inside her boot* “-just sharpened it this morning!”

Wanda: “Should I try to feign surprise?”

Y/N: “Can I use it?”

Agatha and Wanda: “NO”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 604

Agatha, screaming from on top of the roof: “How do the decorations look?!”

Y/N: “One of the bats is crooked! Also I think the actual portal you conjured might be a bit too interactive! It might scare the trick or treaters!”

Agatha: “Why does that matter though, this is MY day! As long as Wanda doesn’t find out that it’s linked to the ninth circle of hell, then we’ll be fine!”

Wanda, walking outside: “The decor is looking great you two! Hey, that portal is awesome, what kind of illusion spell did you cast to make it that realistic?”

*an icy blast is shot from within the portal*

Wanda: “What did I tell you about opening the maws of hell and making favors with demons!”

Y/N: “…That only you could do it”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 606

Wanda: “We need. To take. The decorations. Down.”

Agatha, on the roof surrounded by her Halloween trimmings: “NO - WHY DO YOU FIND JOY IN MY SUFFERING?!”

Wanda: *sighs* “I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice”

Agatha: “No. You wouldn’t. DON’T YOU DA-“

Wanda: *traps Agatha in Agnes again*

Agnes: “Oh goodness? What am I doing on the roof? Surrounded by unseasonal decor! Oh no no no - this will not do. Wanda darling! Can you help me down?”

Y/N to Wanda, having witnessed this all: “I pity anyone in a 10 mile radius once you finally release Agatha”

Wanda: “IF I release Agatha”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 607

Agatha: *asleep on the carpet*

Wanda: “Why didn’t she just go to bed?”

Y/N: “She was probably working on a spell and got tired”

Wanda, trying to levitate Agatha with her magic: “Let me just-“ *magic doesn’t spark* “HARKNESS WHY ARE THEIR STILL RUNES CAST IN MY BASEMENT??”

Agatha, fully awake: “Because then you have to carry me in those big strong arms hot stuff!”

Wanda: “And I would drop you. On purpose.”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 603

Wanda: So what are we dressing as for Tony Starks Halloween party? It seems the competition is stiff this year”

Agatha: “Hot witches obviously”

Wanda: “No, that doesn’t work since it’s already what we are…it would be cheating because it wouldn’t be a costume”

Y/N: “What if we were different Barbies!! Agatha, you can be weird Barbie!

Agatha: “No. I’m not wearing a short blonde wig that makes me look like I stuck a fork in an electrical outlet”

Wanda: “But your hair is already like that! You’re always channeling the electrocuted look. Now we just need to transfigure it!”

Agatha: “ughhhhhh. Fine. But I get to pick next year”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 598

Agatha: “My greatest weakness is being trapped in this mortal housing”

Y/N: “But what a vessel it is!”

Agatha: “What do you mean? It’s made of flesh and confined to the realms of humanity”

Wanda: “Are you - THE Agatha Harkness - saying that your human looks and physical attributes make you weak?”

Agatha:…

Agatha: “NO I’M VERY HOT AND INTIMIDATIN- oh I see what you mean”

[cissa-calls]

Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 596

Wanda: “Traveling with you is such a hassle”

Agatha: “I’m sorry? Rude.”

Wanda: “It’s just…you take forever to get ready, you take so much stuff with you, and it’s just such a process to go pick up a pizza”

Agatha: “Excuse me? I’ve had to learn to travel light. When I was a teenager, it was just me and the Darkhold together, running from my coven and consequences-“

Y/N, with their arms full: “Okay Aggs! I brought all seven of your tomes on resurrection, your set of oil paints and canvases, an entire pound of salami, several cloak options like you asked, and last bag of your bug Lego set”

Wanda: “You were saying? Also - A POUND OF SALAMI??”

Agatha: “I might get hungry!”