#ah well. ill be okay this is not a real issue. its very annoying and disappointing but like

[boimgfrog]

when I want nothing more than 2 move far away but my state is one of the few that's actively protecting and supporting trans ppl/trans healthcare. mixed feeligns.

[lostacelonnie]

True but thats like. Part of the charm almost. All the issues. Yeah thankfully the days are lengthening again & the terrible holiday season has finally passed, which made me. So tired. Hence my response delay. Yeah they should chill but im glad that the last bit was. Easy for you? I was around my family for like. A day. & it was exhausting i can only imagine what a week takes out of you. I wish more americans were like that some guy tried to talk to me a bit at the theater yesterday when i went to see godzilla minus one & it was exhausting. Also funny story everyone at my work was so exhausted last week i said something in spanish to my co worker from el salvador & he completely did not understand because of exhaustion. Oh that pretty cool. I had to learn so that i wasn't like. Having sandwiches & ramen all the time & now im trying to find time to make my own bread so like. Slippery slope. But yeah knowing a few recipes is always a good idea. Thats always the best, having friends who are chill with quiet. Does anyone have a good school? I will believe in the process because star rail is also giving me that pain with argenti's story quest & ruan mei's swarm thing. Ah okay so antimatter legion but less controlled in a way. Oh so thats what herscherr means. How come some have like multiple herscherr forms if ive seen right? Entymology is very interesting i love it. I sure need to remember traces & such more i keep forgetting. & it shows in my multi target dps characters. Worlds worst wingwoman indeed i love her. Cant wait to get further into it & see more claire. Roguelikes are a lot of fun i enjoy them greatly. I thought they would annoy me but hades proved me wrong. Noita sounds fun ill check it out at some point. Himeko mvp of all time she better survive penacony. Whoa that's a lot of seele lore. I love her damn. Explains her a bit in star rail too. What with sea of quanta, themes of death, scythe as a weapon. Also cocolia connection. And bronya really went hard for seele damn i love her too. Are her legs being broken why she like. Uses something to hover in the game? Have any other bronya facts? Or mei? Im glad your polish post radar works so well.

it really is ADHFGLSKFKG. and god yeah FINALLY. also happy new year!!!!!! very late but still!!!!!! this was my first week back in school after the holidays [well. actually it was Two Days] but im already tired. aooougugh. but oh well! GOD. my family In General is like. Fine. i really dont mind them. but i have to stay with my grandma who is just impossible to coexist with...... luckily my mom allowed me to mostly just hang out in our room and not interact with her that much since she shares my opinion. and augh that sounds. Irritating. i enjoy being left the fuck alone. AHDKKS it really is like that........ on wednesdays we have 8 am classes with the one teacher we have that speaks Exclusively spanish so we often do a irl co op mission with the entire group if we wanna convey like literally any message to her. and oh understandable!!! im probably gonna end up the same way sjfkgj. my mom never really taught me to cook since she doesnt like to do it [which, i get it] but i personally really enjoy the process so well see how that goes. AND FOR REAL i genuinely do not believe theres such thing as a good school. or even a Normal school. also fairrrrrr i actually returned to star rail for ruan mei [<- not immune to Pretty Autistic Women] and also had trouble with the swarm boss...... actually made me update my clara build. can you believe this. but tbh i havent done argentis quest yet and im fully spoiler free so im gonna see how that goes JDJGKKSJG. and yeah!! and with multiple herrscher forms its like. usually people obtain multiple herrscher forms either in like. change in belief? approach? which lets them harness other parts of their power [or add new ones], like in the case of HoFlamescion or HoTruth; merge [HoRimestar]; or find a new external source of their power [CE HoOrigin, HoFinality]. but i dont believe its ever explained in Detail so yeah. but generally, the power of a herrscher is stored in their herrscher core, so obtaining multiple cores can give people multiple authorities [like in the case of sirin]. but as i said, typical Honkai Confusion. ETYMOLOGY IS SUPER FUN YEAH...... and for real. if manaria has 1000 fans i am one of them if manaria has 1 fan its me against the world if manaria has no fans i am dead. noita IS fun but i should warn you youre not gonna get anywhere without external guidance. i mean. Maybe you will but its gonna be frustrating as hell and near impossible. its that kind of game. but the fanbase knows that and is actually very helpful!!! solving this games secrets is a team effort. as of right now i have 63h in and 2 wins [got one today, actually! congrats, me.] but i rec it heavily. its fun. AND YES GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HI3 FANS SCARED ARE FOR HSR HIMEKO. they cant take her from us again............ AND YES SEELE. I LOVE SEELE. its actually canon she has a kind of "you are not immune to seele" aura that makes people unable to say no to her bc of just how much of a lovely person she is. and yes that is the reason bronya floats around ingame!!! AND WELL. due to the fact that bronya and mei are both a part of the Main Trio, telling you. literally Any amount of lore about them would take me way too fucking long. and im so sorry but im just mentally unable to do that. and thank you o7 polska gurom ‼‼‼‼💯💯💥🔥💥‼💯🔥💥

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Pink Chains (cont.)

Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment. 

Punk! Kyotani x Bubbly F! reader. Aka my favorite cliche trope. It lives in my head every second of the day.

Brief Violence

The rest of the first half and all ive got so far ! / first half at the bottom !!

Your home was a cheap studio apartment not far from the college; a small studio with a cute bed by the window , a table with a bunch of markers with a big sketchbook sitting in the middle . You had the basic needs and a little couch in the corner but no tv , but there was a little pink cat bed next to the couch.

Kyo stuffed his hands in his pockets looking around the studio , it was weird being in a small studio for him since he has a home . Everything seemed shoved into one or two spots. He sat down on the couch and you were looking a little embarrassed, fussing with your dress .

“I know its not much but ! Its my little space heh, Mocha is probably in her little house sleeping. She will wake up soon though now that im home !!!” You picked up some clothes out of a basket. “Ill be right back , make yourself at home!”

“Okay sweetie.” He leaned forward dipping his head down to look in the cat hut . He could see a tiny kitten sleeping in it and smirked leaning back into the couch getting comfortable, well as much as he could in tight jeans. Kyo peeled his jacket off and pulled his phone out to check it .

Group Chat

Mattsun/ picture

Oikawa/ OOOOOO

Iwaizumi/ i knew pink was your color

Kyotonai/ guess where i am

Iwaizumi/well i dont see you so not at home

Oikawa/ are you at her house ?!?

Kyotani/yep, invited me to stay the night

Mattsun/ oh my , how adult

Kyotani/ shut up Mattsun

Oikawa/ hope you brought condoms

Iwaizumi/ be gentle with her

Kyotani/we aint gonna fuck i just didint want to leave yet

Oikawa/ 😙😙😙😗😙😙😙

Mattsun/ 😳😳😳😳😳

Iwaizumi/ 😒

Kyotani / i hate all of you

Iwa,Kawa, Mattsun/ 💕💞♥️

Kyo put his phone on the table when he saw you come out of the restroom, you were wearing a red panda shirt and matching shorts . Mocha emerged from her home too and meowed for attention . Kyo could not stop looking at you, so cute, so , so cute..

“Mocha! “ you bent down and picked up the brown kitten taking a seat next to Kyo to show him. “Shes a rescue ! I saw her all alone and i just had to help her.”

Kyo took the kitten from you and set it on his lap to pet her. “Shes cute” he leaned back tugging at his jeans trying to relax.

“Whats wrong?” You asked, Kyos lap to pet the happy kitten.

“Had these jeans on all day, i dont want to.. make you uncomfortable.”

Mocha nuzzled into Kyos stomach getting comfy and looked like she was not movin for any reason.

“I dont mine but.. you better do it fast because Mocha is not gonna care that you wanna take em off.”

Gently he lifted to kitten to fuss with his belt , you giggled getting up and grabbing your sketchbook. “Can i show you.. heh my drawings.”

“Of course sweetie, you draw?” He asked , pulling his jeans down with one hand and Mocha in the other. Kyo had on black and pink boxers . “Ugn finally..” he set Mocha back on his lap and placed the jeans on his jacket feeling a little unsure if he should have taken em off.

You hid behind your sketchbook when you saw him on the couch in his boxers. Kyo had tone legs from volleyball and a few tattoos on his legs along with some bruises and knicks.

Kyo looked down at Mocha feeling a little embarrassed. Why were skinny jeans so damn uncomfortable after a while? He asked as he pet the little kitten.

You sat down with him criss cross with the sketchbook on your lap. “Yep! I'm in college for art and design. I want to one day get picked up by a clothing store and have my drawings on shirts”

Kyo leaned towards you looking over the sketches with wide eyes. They might have been all cute things; like kittens, red pandas, hearts, patterns and space but they were so damn good. “You have a real talent these are awesome.”

“Really?!?”

“Yes sweetie. Id put these on my shirts. Oh that reminds me..”

“Oh my gosh!! Kyo that would be so cool!” Gently you placed the sketchbook on the table and looked at Kyo, he was a looking a little unsure of himself. “Whats wrong..?”

“Why exactly did you come into my store ? Ive never seen you in it before”

“ uhm Kyo.. you have a shirt in the window with kittens on it.. so.. “

He laughed wrapping his arm around you making you laugh too. “My ‘Sad Day’ shirt? With all the grumpy cats?”

“Its so cute, how could I not!!!” You hit his chest lightly not liking his tone.

“Okay okay.” Lightly he grabbed one of your hands holding it close. “Happy you did, really.” His eyes drifted off you and around the room.

“Kyo?” You inched closer, picking Mocha up leaning down to place her in her hut.

Kyo picked you up and sat you down on his lap facing him, placing his hands at your hips. He leaned back spreading his legs. “Yes? Sweetie..?” You could feel he was a little hard, it was really hot between your legs..

“Im happy i did too.. i really like you.”

His heart thumped a few times. “First girl to say that to me…” he rested his elbow on the arm of the couch to support his head. “I wasn't the nicest guy in highschool, i'll never forget the day Yahaba slammed me into that wall and told me to get my shit together.”

You looked a little sad at his words, Kyo only mentioned his aggression one other time but even then he sounded upset and full of regret.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked him , cupping his cheeks so he would look at you. His eyes told you ‘yes, yes please.’ But.. “No, i just want to hold you if that's okay.”

“Okay. If we fall asleep my alarm is going to go off at 8 so sorry in advance.” You got comfortable on his lap and Kyo tipped your chin up so you were looking at him.

“Would you be more comfortable on the bed?”

“Yes i think so. I dont think i can sleep like this. Hehe.”

Kyo gripped your hips picking you up, he stepped over Mochas hut and brought you to the bed to lay down with you, his face a little red. You latched onto his sleeve closing your eyes and drifting off. “Night Kyo..”

“G’night sweetie..”

Fuck what was he doing ? Talking about it will help.. right? Kyo had to wait a bit before you were fully asleep to get up and grab his phone.

Kyotani/ Iwaizumi

Iwaizumi/ Yes

Kytotani/ keep this between us

Iwaizumi/ you didn't hit it and ditch did you?

Kyotani/ what? No.

Iwaizumi/ are you scared to make it official Kyo

Kyo stared at the text for a few minutes reading it over and over .

Iwaizumi/ is it the anger issues

He squeezed his phone and sat down on the couch dialing his phone.

“Im scared ill lash out or something”

“Mm.. when was the last time that happened again?”

“The Tourney against the Black Jackals.”

“Ah yes, think Kei had to pry you off Bokuto or something right?”

“Yes… Iwaizumi i can't lash out at her. I just can't, i mentioned Yahaba and that day and she asked if i wanted to talk about it”

“You said ’no’, didn't you” Sigh “Kyotani she's not a threat, she's not an enemy . She's literally just a girl who likes you. Open up to her”

“How.”

“Uuhhmmmm, tell her you want to talk about it. I'm going to bed. You can do this Kyotani”

He hung up .

Kyo rubbed his face for a minute and glanced at you for a minute then back to his phone opening up Messages.

Kyotani/ Mattsun i know your asleep but invite Yahaba to the beach volleyball.

He set his phone down and very slowly made his way back to you. He wrapped his arms around your sleeping body and shut his eyes tight trying to sleep.

**

In the morning Kyo was awake early browsing on his phone, he stared at the screen for a minute before pressing Play on the video.

-flash back-

‘Another score for the Black Jackals!!! It is Match Point !!! ‘

The Sendai frogs were tired, sweaty and losing this Tournament. The Black Jackals were still full of energy and ready to go . It was a very hard game for both sides and Bokuto kept testing Kyotani, this was the first time he met the loud grey haired boy and he just did not like him. He knew Hinata but he did not like him too much.

Kyotani was doing better at keeping his temper under control and his team figured out how to hype him up without making him angry. Kei was not too fond of him but then again he did not really need to be, they just needed to be on the same page on the court.

That owl boy though, he was loud, annoying , and just testing him. Kyotani knew it, every serve, block, and spike was for him to clear or get rid of . Kyotani got hit with the ball a couple times and thats when he lost it.

‘Kyotani has taken another hit from the ball!!!’ Yelled the annoucer .

“Hey hey hey?!! Eye on the ball yea!??”

“Dont let it get to you” Kei told him .

“.........”

“..Kyot-“

He was on the other side of the net ontop of Bokuto punching him .The whole building was dead silent.

The last thing Kyotani remembered was hearing the announcer describe what was happening and Kei pulling him off of Bokuto.

He quit the Sendai Frogs that day, took his last check and left not looking back. He opened an apparel shop he called The Dog House and got in touch with his old highschool teammates starting over.

-end flashback-

You woke up to see Kyos hand on your head , you were not fully awake so you just laid there enjoying the nice feeling on your head. Mocha had also joined you in bed and was between you both sleeping. Kyo smelled like leather… an old leather that was renewed, it made your nose crinkle a bit. Looking up you saw he had a collar tattoo with spikes on it on his wrist . It was kinda silly but kinda cute too , although you wondered what it meant.

A minute later your alarm went off and you whimpered letting Kyo know you were awake. He let go of your head to slam your alarm clock off. He looked upset or angry in the face, and he was still staring at his phone.

Slowly you got up and gently placed Mocha on your pillow so you could scoot closer to him. “Kyo? Did you get any sleep?”

“I have to show you something.” He said as he turned his phone to you pressing Play again.

You were holding the phone now, it was alot heavier than yours . You had watched the video a couple times and everytime Kyo punched Bokuto you flinched. After the second time you placed the phone down to sit facing him.

“Kyo..”

He looked the other way running his hand through his hair.

“Kyo?”

He wanted to run away so bad. Start over again. Someplace without people like -

“Kyo.”

You were between his legs now , he had his knees up and was resting his elbows on them and still did not look at you. Dammit Mad Dog just say something to her, she's right there, dont shut her out.. dont shut..

You grabbed his face turning his head, kissing him, catching him very off guard. Kyo fell back taking you with him . You had no intention of stopping and just kissed him more and more even though he cursed between breaths. Kyo grabbed you lifting you up off his face and chest. You frowned at him and sat down on his lap once he let you go, cheeks flushed and very embarrassed.

“S..swee..sweetie”

“You aren't like that anymore!” You told him while you rubbed your eyes.

“Sweetie no don't cry please..” he sat up taking you in his arms rubbing your back in circles. “Sshh..”

“Please.. talk to me..” You sniffled into his neck squeezing him tight.

Kyo was shaking .. you were shaking . He laid his head on your neck starting from the beginning.. the very beginning. Every few minutes he would stop to check if you were still crying. He would cup your face and wipe under your eyes and ask ‘Are you Afraid of Me’ and you shook your head saying ‘No’ every single time. You were both tearing up by the end of it, Kyotani told you about Yahaba, Highschool after Iwa & Kawa graduated , how he became a Pro and Bokuto. The look on his face just made you so sad and seeing you sad was something he never wanted to see.

“Sweetie.. how , how can.”

“I like you Kyo, a lot. I'm not scared, never will be.”

“I'm so scared ill lash out at you sweetie.”

You grabbed his hand holding it and running a hand up and down his sleeve while you talked. “Kyo.. you let me touch your wolves. When we first met in your shop i noticed you were rubbing it a lot , like you were worried or you thought id just out right touch it”

“I..”

You kissed him again and wiped your eyes free of stray tears. “I want to be with you Kyo, i wanna.. see red pandas with you”

He laughed at that and so did you.

“I already said i'd take you didint i?” He asked cupping your face .

“Just making sure you know i really wanna go heh..”

“I know sweetie, believe me i know.” Kyo kissed you and you blushed wrapping your arms around him.

The alarm went off again too.

••

@zoppzoop @mocha-babes @haikyuu-but-low-iq @milkbreadcat @kozushiki

••

[shy-magpie]

RQG 156

live blog under the cut

Heads up about half way through I realized I go a bit further into analysis on where Zolf & the Kobolds are mentally than some people might be comfortable with. Just as they trust us to back off if the episode gets to real, I am trusting you to close the tab if my little live blog is hitting you wrong. If it makes a difference I have years between me and the reason I relate to this stuff.

"In Memorium" they are trying to kill us Ah they lampshaded the speed intros Yes Alex it is rather Paris Right to Azu & Zolf. Oh he's jumping right in. And there's my first pause of the episode. No “better” isn't a magic finish line you pass then never find yourself in that place again. No, knowing that doesn't mean you don't wonder if your back at square one every time you realize You Are In A Bad Place and Not Handling it Well. Gosh Azu is good at this. Yeah learning to walk away is hard. Learning to ignore the part of yourself that says "and never come back for their sake" is harder. Symbolic much Alex (Zolf is too small for the room, Azu is too large) Yeah it would be easier to not blame Zolf for last episode if I related to him a bit less. Okay they are talking about Hamid and their concerns for him directly. Yeah Hamid's relationship with power & privilege is an arc; and without the Doylist level of trusting Bryn & Alex, I can see where even if you trust/like him you'd be worried about it. With the best of intentions people misuse power. Azu quoted Grizzop at Zolf. Didn't name him, wonder if Zolf is ever going ask directly about his replacement in canon or if its best left to fic. Its easy to dismiss one's own successes. Okay fair and OW, Zolf isn't up to talking about Sasha; which is the part of this I was most prepared for. Hell yeah! He is coming down but not going to be attempting to lead so as to relieve pressure on himself. Maybe if he can let Hamid step up without making a Kew Garden thing he'll see how much he's grown. Hopefully without that setting off a "Hamid does better without me" thing. Yeah intellectual knowledge and it feeling real on an emotional level are very different things. Alex, why does it matter what order they are in? ALEX? The necklace? The Heart of Aphrodite shaped necklace? Azu got a Sign from Aphrodite approving of her reaching out to Zolf as an act of love. Yes! Blue Black no take backs! Yeah those two (players) know exactly what they are doing: breaking my heart in the best ways and not skipping over the actual work those two (characters) need to put into their relationship with OOC "its all fine now"s. Ok that settles the timeline, Azu went up same night, the device isn't made yet. Yeah Zolf wouldn't, probably best to back off while things are tender while being present enough to assure he isn't planning on leaving. Seriously bless Azu, this has to be at least as hard on her as Helen but she is letting the boys have room to work it out for themselves instead of "trying to help". The last thing either of them need right now is pressure especially on this point. Aw the Kobolds teach Cel draconic. Oh smart kid, not only is it just logical for the Kobolds to work with Cel directly, it might help them get over the "looking to see if the boss approves of how you breathe" stage. Especially if he is clear about not being threatened by them having advantage over him in this area. Heck of a relief this isn't hitting my rank issues. Ooh all the Kobolds are amazing engineers, wonder if its a Kobold thing or if Skraak recruited people with similar interests. Nice rework of the "Kobolds build traps" thing from pathfinder. I genuinely love how instead of pitching the original description of Kobolds out the window, Alex has backwards engineered it. Reputation for traps isn't a dishonorable approach to fighting, its a sign of their skill. They aren't minions, their trauma is interacting with a cultural attitude about rank in weird ways. Oh Cel! Cel is amazing. Under Shoin's orders they: made Magic Steroids, did maintenance (more towards the end as Shoin wasn't taking care of things), built the place initially, sourced ingredients, other Kobolds built the Mechkraken. Damn Shoin, they can't even be proud of all they were able to do in adverse circumstances because he tainted it. If they weren't forced to do it and have it used for ill ends, building the kraken would be impressive. A lot of that sounds like difficult work. Hamid stuff: yeah it is from a place of fear; and they would be hypersensitive and need to try to "defend him" so he doesn't react. Terrified of his anger? Handle anything that even annoys him to cut it off at the pass. And being a good person who doesn't like scaring them, Hamid is going to over do the very "Mary Sunshine" routine that makes Zolf think he doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. You'd think Mr "do a grief later" would get that Hamid doesn't have to walk the halls wailing to be aware of the end of the world. Not that the kid can win, if he cried and threw up it would be proof he hasn't grown from season one. Hopefully by taking a back seat Zolf will have a chance to see Hamid's actions and realize being chipper & wholesome doesn't mean stupid. Oh Alex has thought this through, one of these days I'll quit being surprised he actually gets this stuff. Not being able to read the person whose emotions feel like life & death is a Bad Thing. Thank Alex for Skraak. Weird seeing this stuff from this side, of course learning to focus on my end instead of being preoccupied with what was going on in the heads of people who were on Hamid's end of it was rather the point. Perfect balance, Hamid gives them enough space to realize he isn’t going to explode, Skraak "translates" into something clear enough not to stress them out. Like when Zolf snapped at Skraak when he pledged to Hamid; might not be pretty but not knowing what The Powers That Be want? Very bad place. Rank and clear orders are very important when appeasing those who outrank you is everything. Cel has dealt with a lot of young and unsure apprentices!?! Yeah well Cel isn't in their chain of command and gears don't get offended if you have an opinion on the right way to configure them. Cel is great Azu & Hamid talking about Zolf! Helen is wonderful! I thought this was going to be drawn out and indirect, instead they are actually facing things head on and dealing with them. Aw these two are so good for each other. Azu would set aside her own emotions. Hot damn Azu, getting right to it! Hamid can be amazingly open about his self awareness and it surprises me every time. It fits him and is a very good thing, but going from answering "how are you?" with "the Kobolds are doing well" to "I never knew how to help him" without it being jarring made me do quite the double take. Guess I was expecting more deflection. Yeah well you two are redefining your boundaries, entire relationship, and rank in specific, while being the perhaps the only people with enough of the picture to figure out how to save the world. Working out the balance between conflicting views on that, when neither of you knows what the end will look like was never going to be smooth. Oh yes and none of you have directly addressed that half of Zolf's rank & dick measuring stuff is because he doesn't know if he even has a role if he isn't The Boss or The Healer.* Oh the grin in Alex's voice as he tells them there is something else before the brorb interview. Whisky tumblers for each? Quite a sigh there Ben News? Big news? While they were in the institute? They ought to sit down. Wilde get to it. Ah Azu & Hamid are holding hands. Poor kid with his prop. Letter? Ancient Rome? Sasha? Are all the fics coming true? Their founder "Askingus"!?! Oh Sasha, oh Zolf! Lydia! Oh the kids! She named the kids after the party. She even found her faith. A break? How the hell are we only half way through the episode. Also hell yeah Lydia deserves all the awards, that was an amazing letter. XD Ben! Oh Hamid, we reacted that way to the epilogue that way too. It really is okay, it was a good end. Yeah he could use a drink. Poor Zolf. Hamid gives Wilde a hug. "technically I think that makes Sasha my boss". XP be cryptic Alex, The RSB will have it figured out by Friday. Ok Zolf got to read the letter on his own. Azu lit 3 candles, because Helen wants me to cry. Hamid is at Zolf's door with a bottle and two glasses. Lydia this is a compliment to your skill. More direct than I expected from Hamid. Oh these two! Okay he is drunk enough to go there (angry at Zolf for leaving but he gets it). About time someone told Zolf directly he's grown. Aw Zolf puts him to bed. Thank you Alex! Ben! (okay fair, if any of Hamid was left he'd cuddle). Sorry Cel! Lydia wanted to break/heal our hearts more than she wanted the plot to move forward ;) Good plan: take the orb to the anti magic field, only those who have already talked to it can talk directly. Info control. Hive mind/telepathy directly addressed. Finally what Shoin eats is addressed. Ok Cel has some teeth on them. Hasn't fed it, is using the vibration to threaten to explode his brain, (no English doesn't have enough pronouns we are working on it)... Oh good point better feed it. Aw Zolf is possessive of the kitchen. Shoin is still Shoin. Cel is not happy about not being recognized. Nice to hear the boys working together. The Infection might block him from being directly aware of  being infected. Bullsh$% he backed himself up. Good point Zolf even if he does, they are separate lives, this instance can still fear death. Oh all the party have teeth, nice they don't have the "good guys have to be sweet & gentle with the baddies" thing Yeah Cel isn't stupid, the brorbs arm isn't a threat. Oh auto painting that will make the people theorizing on the bio side of how the Brorb works happy. A circulatory diagram, and am ocean of faces. Paints like a printer. A creepy charcoal sketch of London staring at the artist. *I swear on Rusty Tower if they let him hurt himself any worse because he thinks his new role is "a brick wall on wheels" I am joining the line to fight Ben in a Whetherspoons parking lot. Yes it would be in character but so would healing. There are other hills. Although seriously its been great having a character that shows so many of the aspects of depression that usually get left out. That Zolf is also a three dimensional character with a full personality beyond just "the one with mental health issues" while not making it look like those issues are tacked on or easy to handle? Stunning work.  

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

So 5x18...

...Well hot d*mn.

Man when Supergirl fires on all cylinders...HOO BOY.

Case in point: *gestures to all of 5x18*

To be clear: I liked this one.

A WHOLE LOT.

Not that I disliked 5x17, necessarily. It’s just that 5x18 was more... Entertaining? ...I dunno. I dunno how to explain it.

...Okay yes I do and that explanation is: Someone remarked on Kara’s use of language and Kara overcompensated on the ‘NOooOOooOO I’m totally 100% normal!’ AND there was a musical quote AND it was WHILE TEAMING UP WITH ALEX TO FOLLOW A LEAD.

But I’m getting ahead of myself let’s backtrack...

TO THE TOWER! WITH ALEX! NIA! KARA! AND M’GAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!!

June Foray voice: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?!?!?!

I know I’m not the first person to make that reference but it’s always fitting and, for real, recurring character status WHEN. (I mean. Obviously I would prefer series regular but that feels like a big ask considering that all future TV production is...uh. Ah. Erm....

...Up in the air. At the moment.)

And then we check in with the Luthors and Non Nocere isn’t working???

I am shocked! Shocked, I say!

And then we’ve got Obsidian doing something ill-advised which is basically the company’s MO at this point but KELLY AND WILLIAM ARE ON THE CASE REGARDLESS.

(So that’s kinda the one thing I’m sad about re: the Crisis reset; Andrea’s character development. But she’s sticking around for next season so I’m not too upset that she remains...kinda...one note for now.)

And THEN the library scene. 

It was so gooooood.

Then Leviathan and okay. Alright. Okay. Huge points in this episode’s favor: Rama Khan feels like a far more significant threat. And I feel like 80% of that is the fact that they just let him wear normal clothes. Thank you, show. Thank. You.

Also the rock effects were way better in this episode because they weren’t footing the bill for a giant crossover episode this time around

I am a little confused, though, by what has and has not happened with regards to Rama Khan on Earth Prime. Did the pre-Crisis stuff...happen? The dialogue...kinda made it hard to decide one way or the other. ‘He hasn’t been seen on this Earth for 100s of years’ but then also, ‘a chilly place you know quite well.’ So...he...did go to the Fortress. And fight Kara? But...all that stuff before Crisis...???

...Not gonna bother with that right now.

POINT IS...Leviathan is finally like...invested in killing Supergirl* and menacing in a very real way which both raises the stakes and makes it personal and that’s way more interesting than ‘nebulous evil organization that must be stopped.’

*I know they kinda sorta already did the whole, ‘let’s kill the Kryptonian!’ and invaded the Fortress but I don’t know what to tell ya, it was just lackluster.

J’ONN AND M’GAAAAAANNNNN

I am firmly in camp: I don’t care if they’re never green again I love seeing them in the super suits with their human faces IT’S GREAT.

Love that Nia’s snoring interrupts the moment.

Also love the deck of Rama Khan playing cards, that must’ve been a fun project for the graphic designers.

Then we’ve got William and Kara at CatCo and it’s baked goods! A hilarious line delivery by Staz! A ridiculous fabrication involving a shy, violent cat!

...Now I want Alex to actually own a shy, violent cat!

“Cats love me, for some reason.” “Of course they do.”

Side note: Love Kara’s blazer.

And then it’s ALIEEEEEENS TO THE RESCUE!

WHAT A TEAM UP, FOLKS.

We love to see it.

The interrogation scene is good n’ tense and ramps up to a very impressive showdown in the DEO (but BEFORE the sparks really start flying we get that rad shot of Kara leaping through the window and doing the superhero landing and it’s just

Perfection.)

Also perfect? Lex playing a game of transmatter pickle with the prisoners.

Then we jump back to the DEO where things are not going well!

Like, really really bad! 

But J’onn and M’gann save the day! If not the building!

RIP DEO. 2016-2020

Obituary: The DEO headquarters is survived by its elder sibling, the DEO desert base.

Look none of the favs work there anymore save for Kara and Brainy and they’re both gonna be better off working freelance for J’onn but I do expect Brainy to at least pick up some additional cash by working as a Lyft driver next season.

Me, watching the characters struggle to make it in the gig economy: I feel so seen.

The final portion of the episode is just ALL ACTING and I must say...good stuff.

Like. This cast, man. They take the plot points I’ve been ‘meh’ about all season and they turn in some stellar performances and suddenly I’m like STANDING OVATION, CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS GOES.

Also, reason #342 I love Jon Cryer’s Lex: that scene with Lena.

Terrifying.

Full disclosure: I went in to this episode fully prepared to be really annoyed with whatever was going to happen with Lena and I still don’t...love the trajectory of this season, being so tied up in her personal drama but. 

But.

Katie McGrath’s performance...went an awful long way here. In making this...not as bad as it could have been.

Like tearfully admitting she was hurt? And that hurt was the basis of all the nonsense she pulled? Finally owning up to the fact that this was never truly about the greater good but that it was all rooted in some personal issues and OUTRIGHT STATING SHE WAS BEHAVING LIKE A VILLAIN????

I am. Extremely impressed.

EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE THOUGH: Kara remaining distant both physically and emotionally throughout that scene! Not in like, a cold uncaring way, but in a, ‘I have emotions and I have a right to feel them and set boundaries in regards to my trusting you right now given all that has transpired’ kind of way.

GOOD. YES. GOOD.

(Lex’s outburst has that kind of same Nice Guy undertone--albeit more pronounced and rage-y--as Lena’s in the Fortress. Like, ‘I supported you and you still rejected my plot to take over the world’ and ‘I was kind to you and you still messed up my mind control’ which...I dunno I might just be digging in too deep here in order to further justify the character turn but I think Cryer’s performance regardless is a really sobering wake up call for Lena, different than Lex stuff we’ve seen before. It’s close and intense and uncomfortable in a way that really sells the motivation.)

“You’re a monster...but that doesn’t mean I have to be one too.”

Wow. Might be...the first time I’ve liked Lena all season.

...whispers: might be the first time I’ve liked her ever at all

For real: credit where it’s due, that was an excellent line read.

*insert applause here*

CUT TO ADORABLE J’ONN AND M’GANN MOMENT 

D’aaaawwwwwwwwww

But, look, it’s a little undermined by the fact that they both gotta try and embrace in those bulky super suits, I’m sorry, it’s true

...Maybe it’s more endearing that way?

HEY remember how I foolishly assumed that the now-unemployed Alex would simply continue to work with J’onn in an investigative capacity and, ya know, NOT jump straight back into costumed badassery? 

HA. HAHA HAHAAAA.

Those leaked set photos make sense now.

OH NO, WILLIAM!

Real glad Staz confirmed he’s returning. Otherwise I would not be able to DEAL WITH THE STRESS.

I already talked a little bit about the loft scene but some additional points! Beautiful lighting. Wonderful score. Excellent performances all around.

A truly great end to a truly great episode.

Like, it makes me retroactively sad, that we’re only getting 5x19, as opposed to 5x19 and 5x20 because I wish that the crew/writers/actors had a little more space to let all of this good work they’ve done settle and breathe. 

(But also, it was good that they stopped production, from a safety standpoint, so. Can’t be too upset.)

And, regardless of how the next episode goes down (b/c I’m gonna be real, SG always does really great set-ups for their season finales and then kinda...rushes to the finish line and that can only be further exacerbated in this particular case) I’m just really impressed with this effort here.  

...but also LET’S TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE SOME WILD GUESSES. Specifically, what is Alex’s vigilante name gonna be??? 

...

Alright I generally try to avoid addressing specific fandom complaints in these things b/c I generally try to avoid the fandom itself but of course some stuff has already leaked through all of my blocks/muting so:

‘Lena didn’t apologize!’ The words ‘I’m sorry’ were not said, sure, but 1.) season’s not over and 2.) for Lena, admitting she was wrong is huge. HUUUUUUUGE. It’s solid character growth and I really wish various subsets of fandom would recognize that it’s not fun, when fans hold on to negative stuff from characters’ past and refuse to acknowledge that the characters have changed.

‘Brainy should have seen this coming!’ This one is kind of more down to personal preference I guess but I feel like they’ve established that Brainy’s got a bit of a blindspot due to his feelings about his friends, so I don’t take this as a knock against his intelligence so much as him being stretched fairly thin because he’s playing all sides, and worried about the people he loves. YMMV, though. 

All the ‘fix-it’ stuff re: the last scene, by making Kara immediately forgive Lena. Lose me with that nonsense, bleh. 

[gaiyofanfiction]

Save Me

Chapter 1: Second Time? - Chapter 2: Awake - Chapter 3: First Love - Chapter 4: Mama - Chapter 5: Reflection - Chapter 6: Lie - Chapter 7: Stigma - Chapter 8: Begin - Chapter 9: Taken - Chapter 10: Torture - Chapter 11: The Plan - Chapter 12: The Escape

Reader X Jungkook

Mental Hospital AU

Angst/Thriller/Romance

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. We did take their personalities and match as best we can with illnesses, however we do not claim that the boys from BTS have these mental illnesses! Also, we did as much research as we can on each disorder. We are not meaning to offend anyone who has these illnesses at all. ALSO, WE DO KNOW BTS CHANGED THEIR ENGLISH NAME TO BEYOND THE SCENE BUT WE’RE USING BULLETPROOF BOYSCOUTS CAUSE IT FITS THE STORY BETTER.

Trigger warning: Mentions of mental illness, hospitals, self harm, suicide attempt and abuse. Both Gaisho and I recommend, if you feel like you need to go to the hospital for ANY reason, please don’t be afraid to do so. It can help. If you EVER feel like you need to talk to anyone, vent, or need advice on anything, please do not hesitate to msg us! We’ve been through it all.

Chapter 1: Second Time?:

        “The Ambulance is on its way,” your foster mother sighs as she sits down in front of you.

        You look out the window of the living room, your body shaking as you hold the blood stained towel to your arms. The expressionless look on your face tells her you’re either not paying attention or you don’t really care.

        “Hunny, this is the second time this week you’ve done this.” She looks at you with worry.

         You don’t even glance her way making her sigh again. ‘Second time this week? What is she talking about?’

        She stares at you when suddenly she yells out in frustration, startling you. “Why do you do this, Y/N?! You always act like you’re not ever here! Like your mind is somewhere else and then you go and do something like this! Don’t you think that after every other foster family passed you off, you would have stopped by now?!”

        You stare at her wide-eyed, but continued to stay silent. Why argue with someone you weren’t even sure was real? Your head turns back to the window, making your foster mother throw her hands up in defeat. You hear in the distance the sirens from the ambulance. Suddenly your vision starts to turn black as your consciousness fades.

        You start to regain consciousness. Loud sirens go off as you are jostled around. You try to look around and figure out where you are.

        “Ahhh, there she is! Thought we lost you for a second,” says the front driver as he gives a smile in your direction.

        “W-what?” you stutter, completely confused. You lazily look around trying to refocus your vision. You are able to make out a bunch of medical equipment and you feel yourself strapped to a gurney.

        “Yeah, you lost a lot of blood back there. But, luckily we were able to control the bleeding and you should be alright,” says the driver, as he stays focused on the road.

        The other man in the passenger side leans in to whisper to the driver, “Dude, this is the second time this week.”

        ‘Second time this week? What do they mean?’ You blankly stare outside the window of the rig. You’re not sure what to think, there are no other words on your mind. However, you start to slowly doze off.

         Time passes. You wake up to the noise of beeping machines around you. You shift your heavy body to sit up and see where you are. ‘The hospital? Why am I here?’

        You see a man and a woman talking to a doctor outside the doorway of your room. Disappointment filled their eyes as the doctor walks away. They quickly enter your room and the woman gets uncomfortably close to your face.

        “Seriously, Y/N? This is the second time this week, let alone how many times this MONTH! You realize how much of an inconvenience you’ve been?” says the angry woman. ‘Who is she and why is she so close to my face? Are they…Are they my parents?’

        The woman sighs and crosses her arms, taking a step back. “Stop giving me that look! You look really stupid right now. You know what, I’m done. There’s a reason why you’ve bounced around so much in the foster system. I can’t do this anymore.” With those words she storms out of the room. The man that was with her looks at you with sadness and follows suit.

        ‘Well, that was interesting’. Confused by her statement you cock your head. Just then the same doctor as before comes into the room. “Hi there, my name is Dr. Samuels. I am going to ask you a series of questions and then we’ll go from there. Is that okay?” You give the man a small nod.

        “Good. Do you know where you are?” You nod your head, not speaking, although your eyes wander.

        “Do you know why you’re here?” You start to nod, but you end up shaking your head fairly hard and start to clench your eyes closed.

        “Y/N, you attempted suicide. You had cut your wrists pretty badly. It seems like you knew what you were doing with the way you cut. You also left a note for your foster parents.” You start to nervously scratch your neck and with your other hand you clench the railing of the cart, not making eye contact with the doctor.

        He notices the beginnings of an anxiety attack, but continues anyway, “based on your history of suicide attempts, chronic depression, bipolar behavior, derealization disorder and dissociative amnesia, I had recommended to your foster parents that it would be wise to put you in an inpatient facility to get you back up on your feet. We’re working on you getting processed right now. The psychologist will be coming in to talk to you soon. It’s going to be alright, Y/N.”

        Your face shows no sign of life as you slump into the stiff mattress. ‘Who am I? Who are these people? Attempted suicide? I don’t understand! I can’t remember a damn thing!’

        You start to scream and thrash. “NO! NO! NO! GET ME OUT OF HERE! AHHHHHH!” Nurses immediately rush to your side and try to hold you down. The doctor quickly hands over a syringe to the nurse and orders for you to be sedated. Though you fight them, you feel the pinch in your arm and the room around you starts to fade away into darkness.

        Once again you slowly come to, but this time you’re in a wheelchair. You try to move your arms and legs, but they’re tightly strapped in. You sigh in defeat, clearly not getting anywhere. You look up to notice a very unusually happy woman.

        “Hi there! Welcome to one of the best behavioral facilities in the nation: ‘Be Free Behavioral’.” The woman speaking to you is quirky and extremely smiley. It actually annoys you and slightly creeps you out. You just give her a grim facial expression as she continues to talk to you.

        “At ‘Be Free Behavioral’, we encourage all of our patients to freely express themselves during the process of healing. Hence our name, ‘Be Free’, hehe, get it?” She says with an intense smile.

        “Yeah, I don’t feel like I’m ‘free’ here,” you raise a brow as you look down at your restraints.

        “Haha! You’re so funny! C’mon now, it’s time for proper introductions!” The lady pushes you into the lounge where you’re surrounded by several other patients. Your hands clench the arm rests of the wheelchair as your eyes rapidly survey the room. You try to relax your breathing. You are not usually around this many people at once.

        “Alright everyone! We have a newbie here with us today! Hehe. Let’s all go around the room and state our names. Remember, no last names!” This lady is way too perky for your liking. “Let’s start from the left side of the room and work our way around. Shall we?” She motions to a cluster of seven good-looking men.

        Something about their presence makes you feel at ease. Your eyes move to the first one.

        “Hi, I’m Rap Monster, ah I mean Namjoon, haha. You can call me either name!” the purple-haired boy cracks a sweet smile. His dimples make you blush.

        “Ah, I’m Yoongi, but everyone calls me Suga. It’s nice to meet you,” his eyes smile, though his face remains fairly expressionless. His skin was ivory soft, and it paired well with the black hair with blue highlights.

        The next boy with light brown hair with salmon pink highlights butts in with a lot of energy, “Hi! I’m so happy to meet you. My name is Hoseok, but you can call me Hobi. I hope we can be good friends!” The very smiley boy was full of life, but that didn’t turn you away. Actually his demeanor made you feel more light-hearted.

        Next up was this cocky boy with darker brown hair. “And my name is Jin! I’m the good-looking one of the bunch. I’m really the only one you should try to remember, HA, HA, HA!” ‘Wow, this boy really cut to the chase about how he feels about himself’. His introduction makes you giggle. You also notice the others shake their heads and roll their eyes.

        “Jin, you ruin everything. Ah, my name is Jimin! I hope we make you feel more welcomed here,” he smiles and puts up a peace sign. It was very adorable.

        Coming down to the last few of the group, a light brown-haired boy speaks next. His voice is a bit deeper like the first two, “Hi, uh, my name is Taehyung, but you can call me Tae or even V. That’s what my hyung’s and dongsaeng call me.” He smiles more so with his lips without baring his teeth. His smile was sweet and comforting.

        Finally, it was the last boy to say his name. All of a sudden he became really reserved and shy. He didn’t even look at you when he says his name in a low whisper, “J-jungkook. That’s my name.” He hides behind Taehyung like a little boy. Your lips crack a smile for the first time since you arrived and chuckle at his cuteness. ‘He must not be too familiar with talking to girls’.

        There were others sounding off their names, but you don’t hear the rest because you’re so focused on the first seven boys. They stood out more to you out of everyone else here. Your memory is still foggy, you still don’t understand the events that lead you to be in this situation. You barely even knew who you were, who your parents were, or anything really. But even with all of that, those boys seem to have welcomed you with no issues, making you feel slightly more at ease.

        The overly happy woman claps her hands. “Wonderful! Now, why don’t you tell everyone your name and a little bit about yourself,” she motions to you.

       At first you weren’t really sure what to say. You bite your lip and start to tap nervously on the armrest. “I-I…I don’t know who I am…Can you tell me?”

        The lady nervously laughs, “Why, you’re Y/N, of course!” a bell dings as the clock turns two, interrupting the woman. “Well, will you look at that? Everyone, it’s free time! Please ‘be free’ and productive! Hehe.” She finally exits the lounge. ‘Jeez, how annoying can you possibly be.’

        The seven boys slowly gather around you, making you nervous. Rap Monster notices and gives a small comforting smile. He proceeds to speak calmly, “the restraints are only temporary. If you at least show that you’re on good behavior, they’ll eventually give you more autonomy.” Again he smiles. ‘Ah! Those dimples!’

        You let out a small peep and say, “I don’t… know why I’m here…” your eyes start to water up, suddenly a hand reaches out to touch yours, making you flinch slightly. It was Suga, though his face still remains expressionless. He looks off into the distance, but says to you, “don’t worry, everyone needs someone, right? We’re here for you. They call us seven the Bulletproof Boy Scouts”.

        All around you the boys smile in agreement, even Jungkook, who is still hiding behind V, smiles without looking directly at you.

        “Everyone, it’s time for medication. Please head over to the nurse’s station for your timely medications. No exceptions.” A man says, standing down the hallway at a distance. He wore a white coat and was jotting down notes on his clipboard. He was very stern and authoritative. ‘Why do I get this terrible vibe from him?’

        “W-who is he?” you whisper to the boys.

        Rap Monster lets out a shaky breath and swallows the lump in his throat, “that is Dr. Seung Ho Choi. The founder of Be Free Behavioral.”

[lexpistachio]

Yo, your opinion doesn't bother me so much as I like debating? And like. I don't expect to change your opinion, just like you won't change mine, and you're totally within your right to not respond if you don't want to! I think with me, I don't see the issues presented as having disappeared? Like just because Jack has been doing well mentally doesn't mean his anxiety is totally gone. Bittys checking problem isn't gone, either, just because he's gotten better at handling them. 1/?

And maybe it’s because I went into CP knowing what to expect but like. I always thought the whole point of CP was “hey hockey’s cool but Fuck the NHLs homophobia and Fuck toxic masculinity. We don’t need it.” It should also be noted Ngozi did write something about homophobia/toxic masculinity in hockey. It was called Harvey, it was a screenplay she did for a class, and she wrote check please to be it’s counter. A Gay player with a toxic team vs an accepting one 2/2

Outsourced homophobia anyone?

Kidding aside, do you mean Hardy not Harvey, of which only the first 15 pages was shared? Firstly, I have read that and it features hypermasculinity and internalized homophobia but I didn’t see the toxic vs happy team comparison that you’re talking about. Maybe you have access to the complete script, maybe it’s really Harvey and you have, like, a different script altogether, I don’t know, and I honestly don’t care because that’s not what we’re discussing. We’re talking about CP as a body of work. You don’t tell each and every one of future buyers of the comics to, hey, read the script she wrote back in college, all the issues are there, this is the fluffy companion. We look into this particular piece as it is.

Going back, I don’t think you got the point of my answers to your previous asks: it’s not particularly the lack of homophobia that bothers us here. It’s not. It’s the erasure of this issues that were present at the beginning, which makes for an unsatisfying narrative. Homophobia and hypermasculinity in sports was real when Bitty was afraid to tell his dad, or his team, it might’ve been real when Jack OD’d, but now that they’ve come out (at Jack’s behest, may I add), it’s suddenly gone? Did the comics just present coming out as a cure to homophobia? That depiction makes my eye twitch, as a queer, but never mind that. Narratively speaking, it’s just unsatisfying, is all.

Allow me to be a little more pedantic here and talk a little about narratology. One of the most interesting explanations that I’ve read on why we read is by Peter Brooks, who said that we’re driven to read because of our drive to find meaningful, bounded, totalizing order to the chaos that is life, and if the natural state is quiescence, it is interrupted by dilations (through discursive manipulations), which are necessary also to give us a sense at the end that the narrative has reached a proper closure—that feeling of “ah yes, of course!” Basically, what he says is that in plotting, it’s necessary for loose ends to be tied for the purpose of reading to be fulfilled. How do we do that? He borrows from Freud and says that it’s through repetition of a past trauma. The goal is “to make an end to its reproductive insistence in the present, to lead the analysand to understanding that the past is indeed past, and then to incorporate this past, as past, within [the analysand’s] present, so that the life’s story can once again progress.”

It’s all fancy shmancy for: don’t leave your plot points behind because it’s fucking annoying.

That is to say, regarding your point that Jack’s anxiety or Bitty’s problem not disappearing, let me remind you that it’s fiction that we’re talking about here. They’re fictional characters. It’s like the metaphysical question about the tree in the forest: if homophobia and anxiety and checking problems (? what) exist out of frame and they aren’t manifesting in the comics itself, do they still exist? Maybe to your imagination, but more importantly, do they matter if these don’t affect the comics’ characterizations, the plot or the narrative at all? I don’t think so.

And the nature of oppression, or maybe any significant burdens for a long time at that–they tend to warp you, subconsciously, and it affects your attitude, your habits, your decision-making. A story: I grew up poor, and when I was growing up, my parents didn’t have money to spare me lunch money, so we have to eat every single food on our dining table because we can’t afford to get hungry outside. Years later, I had dinner with a colleague who was in charge of the tab that night. He noticed I was taking a long time in eating my food, and I was still trying to finish it even though some of our other friends had moved on to post-meal chatter. He said, “You don’t have to finish that, you know,” and it seems innocuous enough but I felt my cheeks flushing. I felt humiliated in that I recognized that I was still on that habit of voraciously eating everything in front of me if it was in abundance because I was afraid of being hungry. I realized I had certain behaviors affected by the oppression that I carried, even though some of them aren’t present anymore: I tend to hoard things, I stock food a lot. The oppressions I still carry, I can’t even begin to describe. My parents think mental health illnesses are weakness and laziness that I could snap out of any moment, so I try not to be a burden and would rather curl in by myself rather than seek help when I break down.  Having grown up in a traditionally Christian environment, I can’t talk about my queerness to my family. I don’t even write about it in my journal in fear they will come to look at it and reject me (which, I know they will). I certainly don’t hold a person of the same-sex’s hand outside when on a walk or talk to a significant other in a public kitchen in a shared house where my peers will be able to walk on me anytime. Such is the nature of oppression: it incites fear and manifests in the littlest of ways.

Check Please used to be so relatable in that sense, but stopped being so. Now everything’s just smooth and shiny with no past traces of anything at all. I remember Jack being so relatable in the ways he felt closed off to people and I was so interested on how he manages it once he goes pro, but the lack of repetition of these themes just makes for (1) inconsistent characterization (2) unresolved issues and (3) a seeming lack of insight on the nature of oppression, or at the very least, poor plotting decisions. Not to go post hoc ergo propter hoc on this, but love/coming out -> issues missing/not discussed, ergo? Fallacious, but that seems to be a problematic portrayal if I do say so myself.

(and not to go ballistic, but really? the way to fuck NHL’s homophobia and toxic masculinity is to pretend they don’t exist? really, you’re affirming that?)

Anyway, as I’ve said before that it’s okay if you want fluff; personally, if I’d wanted fluff, I’d read a fic. Though, even then, I like a satisfying story, but that’s just me. This has been a long enough post just to tell a person I have no chance of convincing anyway, apparently. I’m busy and tired, yo, and just so you know, people in this fandom with unpopular opinions have been harassed and driven into deleting their accounts, you know? So if you want a proper debate that doesn’t put me on the defensive I’d be glad to entertain you over the little smiley chatbubble in the right hand corner of your dashboard, thanks.

[khukei]

[BTS - Wings] Album Review

4 months late because I got busy with life but hey better late than never right? A mini album can be dissected in a day because there’s only 7 songs max, but in Wings we have 15 tracks to chew and digest. And that is my excuse. 

ANYWAY

So my friend (who is the culprit behind my conversion to KPOP), talked me into joining this nationwide bulk ordering movement for BTS’ Wings album. 

Wings is my very first physical Kpop album and honestly, I still feel a mild pang of guilt because I wanted to get SHINee’s 1 of 1 first since they were my first love in KPOP  but Wings came in the mail first so okay.  Forgive me, SHINee! 

 Now I understand why physical  KPOP albums sell so much despite the dominance of digital downloads. I mean wow. HD pictures, posters, photo cards and other merch. I also noticed that the CDs are just casually tucked in a page like it’s just an afterthought. The albums are also quite cheap. You’re basically just paying for the photo book. But I do use the CD because I like me some high quality audio. 

 So here are my thoughts on each track:  1.Intro: Boy Meets Evil  There are some interesting vocal effects/EQing going on here. Also the lyrics are really poetic. This is btw what got me into BTS in the first place, they sing about relevant issues and matters that young adults could really relate to.  Memorable line:   I threw my future away because I was drunk on dating

2.Blood Sweat & Tears

Ah, the title track. What else could I say? This is a masterpiece. The production is amazing. This was everyone’s jam in the last quarter of 2016. And V’s incredibly deep voice, wow. I like how they’re using the Spanish mode and incorporating trap hi hat things into the mix. Everyone’s using trap hi hat these days but this is the first time I’ve heard it used in a song with a Spanish beat and chord progression. It’s strange to me, but it works! 

Memorable line:  I wanna be addicted to your prison So I can’t serve anyone that’s not you Even though I know, I drink the poisonous Holy Grail 3.Begin (Jungkook solo)

The harmonization in this song is amazing. Kudos to the vocal arranger. And the lyrics are so meaningful and sweet. Jungkook’s singing is on point too, but that goes without saying.  Memorable line:  I feel like I’m going to die when hyung is sad When hyung is in pain, it hurts more than when I’m in pain 

  4.Lie (Jimin solo)

Blood Sweat and Tears is a music production treat, but in my opinion, Lie takes the prize in production quality. I like the incorporation of some Spanish elements in this album, it’s not a parody nor an imitation and it’s  really well done. Also, before I checked the lyrics I thought he was saying Karina Lie. The real line is caught in a lie. I have a friend named Karina so lol #MisheardLyrics

Memorable line:  Find the me that was innocent I can’t free myself from this lie Give me back my laughter

5.Stigma (V solo)

I’m going to mention again how much I am a fan of V’s deep voice. We take a sharp turn from a Spanish-y song to a more familiar RnB vibe on this one. And oh man, V’s high note genuinely surprised me The lyrics are once again very meaningful and vulnerable. This is really what sets BTS apart from other groups. Relevance. Relatableness. Authenticity. *applauds*

Memorable line: Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day (You) who was punished in my stead, You who were only delicate and fragile 6.First Love (Suga solo) This one is a slow and mellow rap song. Well actually, if you ask me I’d call this a Spoken Word piece. It’s already very poetic just reading the English translation, how much more in its pure, unadulterated form. I really like how Suga’s voice is EQ’d here also. The overall vibe of this song reminds me of Kingdom hearts. I don’t know why.  I find it hard to jive with Suga’s rap flow in this song, but that’s probably just due to the language barrier. 

Memorable line: Even though I was gone for a long time Without repulsion You accepted me Without you there’s nothing After the dawn, two of us We welcomed the morning together Don’t let go of my hand forever, I won’t let go of you again either 7.Reflection (Rap Monster solo)

Here is one sad/creepy sounding song. The synth parts remind me for some reason of Creepshow. You know, Stephen King’s horror anthology films in the 80′s. The instrumental part after the first verse could really pass off as Creepshow’s soundtrack. The slow pulsing delays adds even more to the melancholy yet creepy vibe of this song. Mentioning Creepshow probably ruined the moment, but I can’t help it! But yeah, this song is really-- how many times did I say meaningful already?!

Memorable line:  In the darkness, people look happier than the day

8.MAMA (J-Hope solo) This is my favorite track in the whole album simply because it’s upbeat and more cheerful compared to the other darker, more somber songs in the earlier parts of this album. I’m biased towards happy songs. The general vibe of this track reminds me of happy go lucky rap songs in the 90s and that’s because of the bass line. The short and subtle choir parts near the end was also a nice touch.  

Memorable line:  You were like fertilizer to a budding plant Now I’m a flower, I’ll be your flower path 9.Awake (Jin solo)

From upbeat hip hop we then transition to a sentimental orchestra fusion song. Because BTS is cool like that. This is my second favorite song. There is real tension and release going on here that will really take you up on a ride. Or maybe that’s just me. The melodic hooks really stick with you and touch your heart. The bridge is the best part here. 

Memorable line: Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky Still, I want to stretch my hand out I want to run, just a bit more 10.Lost This song starts off with with the familiar Spanish vibe with the acoustic guitar and RnB chords but then when we get to the chorus it suddenly changes to this very loud, in your face Dubstep phrase that for some reason, works! 

Memorable line:  I didn’t know there were this many Paths I can’t go and paths I can’t take I never felt this way before Am I becoming an adult?

11.BTS Cypher Pt. 4  

A very angsty song about the struggles of being an idol. This type of sound isn’t really my cup of tea. But the lyrics make up for it. 

Memorable line:  I’m sorry bae because I’m breathing I’m sorry bae because I’m so healthy 

12.Am I Wrong 

I’m not a fan of country music. And this song is kind of like a fusion. And even though it’s not completely country the main riff is annoying to me. Hill Billies suddenly come to mind. But as usual the lyrics is the redeeming factor so I still appreciate this song. 

Memorable line:  If what you see on the news is nothing to you If that comment is nothing to you If that hatred is nothing to you You’re not normal, you’re abnormal 

13.21st Century Girls 

Yey for women empowerment!! And here we go again with the Spanish beat!  Did BTS go to Spain or something? Anyway, this song is too loud and aggressive for me. It does have its moments, but I wouldn’t put this on any of my playlists because I’m an old soul who prefers smooth grooves. 

Memorable line:  If anyone keeps insulting you (insulting you) Tell em you’re my lady, go tell them (tell them) Whatever other people say, whatever this world tells you You’re the best to me just the way you are

14.Two! Three!   

I thought this was going to be another one with the melancholy feel but I’m glad I was proven wrong when the beat picked up after the intro. Thank you!  This is like the cool down part of your cardio exercise as it is more toned down and less aggressive. Oh and the choir parts near the end are heavenly!! 

Memorable line:  Me, a shadow behind the stage, me, in the depth of darkness I didn’t want to show everything including my pain But because I’m still unaccustomed I just wanted to make you smile I wanted to do good 

  15.Interlude: Wings   I was not expecting an upbeat party/club kind of song. But somehow it makes sense. After your cool down exercise you go straight to the club to end the day. I’m not the partying type, but that’s just the vibe I’m getting from this song. It’s makes sense as the closing song. 

Memorable line: I trust myself, Since the reason why my back hurts Is so that wings can sprout 

 Final thoughts: 

I’ve already mentioned this, but what the heck, I’ll say it again! What I really like about BTS is the authenticity in their lyrics. I may not always like their music, but the words always get to me. It takes a great amount of courage for young men to be openly vulnerable, and that, for me, is very endearing.  The general theme of this album are: Depression, confusion, loss of innocence, young love, the yearning to return to happier times, mental illness... aka struggles of being an adolescent. Aka growing up. 

Speaking of mental illness, I noticed that the ordering of the tracks have a kind of bipolar feel to it due to the sudden and contrasting mood transitions of each song. Without studying the lyrics the track order might not make sense to the listener, but it all comes together nicely when you look at the lyrics. I saw what you did there, BTS. Very clever. Kudos to you all. 

For me what makes BTS very appealing to a lot of people is that they talk about very human experiences in their songs that everybody can relate to (especially adolescents). While a lot of other groups send you off to to dreamland with their perfection, BTS brings you down to earth with the harsh realities of our time and compel you to think about how you’re living your life. And that, is what I think sets them apart. 

Rating: 8/10

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So It Begins

Jambo, morons! Welcome back to another riveting season of where the success rate is similar to the cast members combined IQs: practically non-existent. But hey, were Americans. We love shit that is destined to failwhether its reality shows or President-elects. Its our cross to bear.

ANNNNYWAYS. So MTV had a hard job to do: top the group of idiots that made up season 4. And thankfully for you, but mostly for me, they did just that. Shoutout to you MTV, you da real MVP.

Also, as many of you know, I tend to feature quotes from my loveable, yet incredibly cruel mother in these recaps. You think Im bad? She once called a woman in Starbucks a psycho bitch because she took the last of the skinny vanilla mix. True story. DM me for details. Lets begin now.

This season MTV really went for #culture and decided to have the show in the Dominican Republic. Even reality shows get island fever, I guess. I mean, you can really only throw so many group orgys/luaus so many times on one show.

Ryan Devlin, the host who you feel bad for like 99% of the time, meets up with the cast and is like you guys all suck at and theyve all been trained to say relationships. Of course they all forget their one fucking line and just sound like they are saying random shit.

RYAN: You guys suck at CASTMATE 1: Relationships! CASTMATE 2: Tomato! CASTMATE 3: Unicorn piss! CASTMATE 4: 9/11 was a hoax!

We meet Tyranny (Mom Quote: IS HER NAME TRANNY!?! theyre so cute when they are mildly offensive) says that all of her boyfriends have either cheated on her or knocked other girls up. In the words of Donald Trump: Sad! Very Unfair!

Theres Jaylan who used to be a loser, hit the gym, now gets pussy. Male Laney Boggs. Tale as old as time. Moving on.

Taylor: hottest girl on the show easily, talks about how her dad would kill some of the men she has dated, low-key concerned for her safety and the safety of others.

Theres Joey, the povo as fuck part-time garbage man who spent his last remaining dollars on a gaudy watch. Obviously a very smart investor. Didnt know sent kids on scholarship. Im just happy hes honest about being a garbage man and doesnt try and be like Im a sanitation assistant. Not that any of them know what sanitation means.

Joey is def hot though10/10 would bang, just to get hook up with blue collar worker off my bucket list.

REAL PICTURE OF JOEY:

THE FIRST DATE RULES

Ryan explains about how they do comprehensive interviews and questionnaires to develop and algorithm that eventually finds their match. You know poor Joey didnt know what was happening after comprehensive.

This season, theres another twist: there are 11 guys and 11 girls, but they only get ten chances. Obviously MTV was giving away too much money with this show, so they made more couples. What? Youre thinking it.

For the first date, MTV acted like a bunch of fucking narcs and sent bios to the contestants’ parents so mom and dad can pick who they think is a match. Everyone is like, Mom dont fuck this up for me.

My mom: If you were ever on this show I would literally never acknowledge you again. (Fair enough.)

Joeys mom picks Carolina, whos like okay cool, whatever. She doesnt know hes a garbage man yet, so give her a break.

Hannah’swho is from my hometown, hey girlfamily picks Oswaldo, a self-described horny genius. Welp, I think a line like that means its time for a shot. Brb.

Anyway, Hannah is like I would rather eat my own spleen then date Oswaldo. (paraphrase)

Giannas mom chose Hayden and they start hugging and are like . Fucking spare me. The other fucking losers have to send these couples to the truth booth after their date.

BACK TO THE HOUSE

The castmates get to their dungeon for the next few months and drinks are flowing and shirts are off. I remember my first sip of alcohol.

Cassandra is drunk and is wanting to touch everyones face. She like Im so flirty when Im drunk which is a weird way of saying Im a hoe.

Its Mikes birthday today. Hes like its my birthday so someone fuck me. *plays Birthday Sex* *stares aggressively at all the women*

Mike describes himself as a typical Staten Island boy. His hobbies include moisturizing, mispronouncing half the English language and fapping off to girls who look like Snooki.

Ozzy is a local, so you know he is dirty as fuck. Kathryn goes to Florida State, you know shes hot as fuck, but also borderline brain-dead.

Shes like I WANT TO BE A TEACHER! and its like, sure ya do sweetie, and I want to be a fucking astronaut. Stick to what you know and continue being a TFM girl.

Ozzy and Kathryn both want to be teachers. Snoreeeeee. Shes already like Im in lovewell folks, weve met the stage-5 clinger for the season.

Michael the douchebagnot be confused with Mike, the little man from Staten Islandis laying it on THICK to Taylor and she is not having it. Taylor has officially become my favorite on the show so far.

MICHAEL:Hey pretty lady TAYLOR:Ew seriously? Girls with asses like mine do not talk to guys with faces like yours.

Shes like youre so full of shit and Im like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK, TAYLOR.

Hayden and Gianna are talking about how they both have dogs and both like corn and other pretty basic shit and decide theyre going to be together forever.

GIANNA: I breathe air HAYDEN: No way, I breathe air!!!

They both have the flyover state bond, with Hayden being from Indiana and Gianna being from Ohio. Its always cute to see two people from middle America bond and discuss the fact that they fucked the rest of us over. True love.

Everyone is like Hayden and Gianna are a match, even though theyve all known each other for 3 seconds.

Joey the trash man is telling people that hes going to be a carpenter, much like a 3rd grader would say Mommy, Im going to be a superhero! Shannon brings me the biggest laugh of the night by asking him to do her carpets, clearly not knowing what a carpenter is. Shit like that makes me miss my sorority.

Ozzy is chain-smoking and being like I DONT WANT TO BE THE OLD ME. Aka, me on New Years Eve.

Kathryn and Ozzy are drunk as fuck and being flirty and going WE WANT TO HELP KIDS!!!! You stay the fuck away from my future children, Rush-Boobs and Ozzy.

Michael is talking to Gianna and starts telling a sob story about how he was chubby and he blossomed. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one. No seriously, every fucking season they have one of these guys.

MTV CASTING: Ok we need at least one hick, one former fat dude, one ripped black guy and one oddly feminine guy. Search the fucking country.

Michael starts asking Gianna about her open-heart surgery, gets bored halfway through and just starts sucking her face. Okay. Well that escalated quickly. Quote from mom: He doesnt give a shit about her faulty heart. Hes trying to get laid. Profound.

Rush-Boobs wants to make Ozzy jealous and starts low-key hooking up with Mike. Fantastic logic, cant wait for you to educate our youth.

Then we meet Andre, who has trust issues because the girl he liked since 8th grade literally sat on his friends lap. Meanwhile, Tyrannys boyfriends are having children, but OKAY. #dramatic

Alicia is the perpetual sidepiece, aka every womans enemy.

Ozzy and Kathryn already think they are a match and Ozzy forgive Rush-Boobs for hooking up with Mike because hes a cheater too, so this is karma. Wow, how fucking zen of you.

THE DATE

Hayden dresses in camo for the date and Gianna is like You can take the boy out of Indiana, but you cant make him dress like a normal fucking human.

Its very clear Gianna is over Hayden, whereas Hayden hasnt been this excited since he attended a Donald Trump rally last summer.

GIANNA: FML HAYDEN: *excitedly whispers* Build that wall! Build that wall!

Joey just looks like a trash man, like, just in life. He has resting garbage man face.

Hannah does not like Oswaldo, its very obvious. Shes going to call her parents and demand a raise in her monthly allowance for making her suffer through this bullshit.

Gianna starts kissing Hayden and shes like Ill give him a chance. How fucking noble of you.

Carolina and Joey are talking about their parents and Joey tells her that he would never cheat on a girl and Carolina damn near creams her pants. They kiss and meanwhile the whole audience is wondering does she know hes a trash man? That dramatic irony, doe.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

ShockerHayden and Gianna to the truth booth. Michael is like WE MADE OUT LAST NIGHT but Im not jealous.

MICHAEL: Im not even mad! NARRATOR: Michael was, in fact, very mad.

Ah, but there is a truth booth twist! They can trade in truth booth and add $150,000 to their prize. But if they take the money then Hayden and Gianna can never get sent back together.

The house is torn. Im torn. Im all out of faith, this is how I feel.

*Starts Twitter poll asking people what they would do*

They decide not to take the trade, which my mom and I both agree is stupid.

And lookie here: No match. So thats done.

Michael is thrilled. My mom thinks he looks like a baby rat. Cannot un-see that.

Gianna gives a speech basically saying that she didnt feel it the whole time and everyone is like okay cool thanks for telling us, *whispers* ya fuckin bitch.

We also very quickly meet Kam, who has a rotation of men because #feminism. And Edward, who has a chest tattoo. Thats it for now.

Gianna goes to hang out with Michael and hes over it. He makes her cry, I dont really care, blah blah blah, moves on with life. Gianna and Michael are going to be the annoying couple this season. Buckle up.

MATCH CEREMONY

This season they have the blackout rule again but this time they cut the winnings in half if they blackout. Thats way harsh, Tai.

First is Kam and Eddy. Shes building up her newest rotation.

Taylor picks Tyler, who is hot. Wait what? Why did they not introduce the hot guy? What is this fuckery, MTV? They also sound like they could be identical twins.

Kari, dont know her yet so whatever, picks little man Mike.

Casandra picks Kaylen.

Caroline picks Joey.

Tyranny and Oswaldo. Can I just call you Tee? Im going to call you Tee, because Im one letter away from being low-key fucked up.

Giannas dumb ass is up and shes like I HAVE A GREAT CONNECTION WITH MICHAEL so obviously shes going to pick Ozzy.

Tee and Alicia are pissed and threatening to curb stomp this bitch. Fuck yes, this is what I signed up for. Gianna is like Leave me alone everyone, Im proving this to Michael! Literally all you proved was that youre crazy AND stupid.

Hannah picks Michael.

Alicia picks Andre.

Rush-Boobs picks Derek, who is also hot as fuck. Also, Rush-Boobs laugh reminds me of Kitty from. I know. Its all you can think about now.

Shannon, who btw really needs her carpets cleaned, picks Hayden.

Well this is excitingthey get two matches. Not bad for week one. They dont make me want to kill myselfyet.

Ryan gives the follow your heart speech that we hear every fucking episode and the cast goes back to the house to turn the fuck up.

So far, off to an interesting start. Gotta say, good-looking cast this season. Dumb as rocks, but good-looking. Come back next week to see what other shit I can talk about my peers who are doing far worse than I am. Peace, bitches.

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