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alikat7 · 12 days ago

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Leverage: Do Not Stand By My Grave and Weep

SUMMARY: Nathan Ford has died and the team remembers what he meant to them.

COMPLETE. Please read and review!

Characters: Eliot Spencer, Parker, Hardison, Sophie Deveraux, Maggie Collins, Sterling, Aimee and Willy Martin,

Warnings: discusses off-screen character death

Read on AO3

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Not beta'ed so if there is something really messed up, let me know lol

Hearing the news of Nate’s death really threw Hardison for a loop. He worried how it would affect both Parker and Sophie. Parker withdrew as she always did with intense emotions. They were going to be with Sophie the next day, but she had been quiet about discussing anything on the phone. He and Eliot shared looks of concern about the two women, but Hardison could see in Eliot’s eyes, that he was struggling too. They all were.

Nate wasn’t old and his life was not as stressful as it had been. Retiring with Sophie had done him a world of good. He rarely got drunk now, drinking mostly socially. So why, in the prime of his life, did he die? Hardison tried to make sense of it.

Nate was finally happy for the first time since his son died. The team getting together had been the first step for him towards recovery. But bringing Sophie in had been the biggest step. After five years of working together, practically living together since they were always on the move doing jobs, staying in hotels, and sharing meals, they had become a family. Hardison thought of Nate as a father figure since he was their leader.

Nate always pushed Hardison past his limit until Hardison finally realized that he had no limits when it came to his skills. Nate had forced him into positions where he had to do something he didn’t think he was capable of doing or their client or one of the team would suffer.

Hardison remembered a fight he had with Nate after a couple of years working with him. Nate had pushed him to hack into this security system that was unhackable, or else Parker and Eliot were going to get caught and be arrested or worse. Hardison had done it and after they left the company and returned to Nate’s condo, Hardison finally blew up at Nate. Usually, he’d make jokes about everything but this time he had been really scared that he’d finally fail, and Eliot and Parker would suffer for it. When Nate sat down at the table with a bottle of whiskey and a glass, Hardison stomped in there and let him have it. The others watched, surprised that Hardison of all of them, was losing it with Nate.

“Stop putting me in the position of saving people doing something I can’t do. It’s not fair and I’m sick and tired of it. What if that had been you or Sophie in there? Would you still have been so cavalier about it all?” Hardison yelled.

Nate studied him for a moment before he shrugged. “Yes, I would.”

“You’re such an asshole. You play with us like we’re your pets and…”

“No. I treat you like you’re all professionals. I knew you’d pull through.” Nate rose and stood before him sipping his drink. “Let me ask you something, Hardison. How many times have you told me something is unhackable? How many times have you told me something was impossible to do?”

“I don’t know,” Hardison replied, so irritated that Nate didn’t get the point.

“A lot. You say it a lot. When it comes to your skills, if you’ve done it before and done it well, you’re downright arrogant and remind us all of the time how good you are. We believe you, even more than you, believe in yourself. When it’s something you’ve never done, you hesitate because you don’t want to be the one to let the team down. So, when push comes to shove and I put it on you to do it or else everything falls apart, what do you do? You pull some magic out and hack the unhackable or by some miracle, you get everyone out safely,” Nate explained. He chuckled. “You landed a crashing plane that we were all on using Google. Who does that?”

Hardison wanted to scream at him because he knew he was right, but he hated being manipulated into doing things when failure meant risk for the others. He tightened his jaw and looked away. It’s hard to stay mad at Nate when he pulled this, saying he did it because he knew Hardison was good enough to do his part.

The Mastermind came over and put a hand on Hardison’s shoulder. “But if you didn’t, I knew Eliot would fight his way out and protect Parker the whole way, even if he limped out of there half-dead. Or Parker would find a way to escape even if she had to crawl through miles of ductwork or flip her way through security lasers and then come back for Eliot. Or most likely, they would do a combination of those things while you’re performing your magic out here. I am not putting unnecessary risks on you because I know one of you will pull off the unthinkable act or even work together for the hat trick. You three are always the best there is. Why wouldn’t I count on you to pull it off?”

Hardison rolled his eyes and walked away, so irritated because he was so ready to tear Nate a new one for the fear he felt earlier. But now he wasn’t mad about it. Which made him mad. Eliot glanced over and smirked at him because he knew how annoying it was to get Nate-talked out of a rage.

Nate was actually a bastard most of the time. He hated to lose anything even if winning meant the team jumped through hoops just so he could win. At times, Hardison felt like he was gaslighting them all. Eventually, he realized that Nate just had faith in them to always pull through for him. It was hard to hate him for that. The biggest thing Hardison learned over time was that if had come down to the team being at risk with no way out, Nate would throw himself in front of whatever came at them.

At the funeral, Hardison glanced around and noticed how many of their former clients were there. Tara and Sterling were there as well as Hurley, Detective Captain Bonanno, and Cora McRory. He was stunned when he saw Chaos had come as well. He tried to fade into the background after seeing Sterling. The Clark family from the bank robbery in Juan, CA was there too.

Hardison noticed a beautiful young woman who had tears in her eyes at times. There was a man with her, about the same age and she was carrying a little boy. Parker told him later that it was Zoe Kerrigan, her husband and son from Boston. Nate had saved Zoe and her father after they were in a terrible car crash, and he found out later the wreck had been set up by Matt Kerrigan’s boss. The team ended up taking him and his partners down. He still remembered what Zoe had said to Nate as they said farewell. “There are wolves in the world. But sometimes they’re the good guys I guess.” She had stayed in touch with Nate. Her father had recently died so she came with her young family.

There was a larger crowd than he’d expected but what shocked him is just how many former clients had come. Most of them recognized the team members, especially Sophie since she did a lot of the client meetings. He could see how broken-hearted Sophie was but being the professional actress she was, she managed to appear strong. She appeared to be avoiding Eliot, Parker, and him at first. She waited until late into the reception after the funeral to speak to them. As soon as she hugged Hardison, he understood why.

“He loved you all so much,” she whispered to him, and he could hear the tears she held back. “You were his genius for a while then he set you loose into the world and he was so proud of you for conquering it. He knew you would.”

Hardison felt his chest tighten as he nodded. “He gave me the confidence to do it.”

“No,” she said with a chuckle. “He just showed you how to get out of your own way. You did the rest.”

“If you ever need us, if you ever need me, Sophie, just ask. You are family. And Nate would want us to be sure you’rre okay.” Tears burned his eyes as he tightened his arms around her. “But you will always be alright. You’re one of the strongest women I know. You held him up when he needed it and you made sure we were always all right. You were the Team Mom.”

Sophie chuckled as she pulled back. “Now don’t make me feel old. I am already feeling so proud seeing my kids all grown up.”

xOxOx

At first, Parker expected Hardison to break into a smile after he told her, or she just hoped for it. But he didn’t. She glanced at Eliot and could tell this was no joke. Nate was dead. Nate. Their Nate was dead. No! Nathan Ford wasn’t going to die of a heart attack. He was going to be shot down in a blaze of glory or something much more heroic and dramatic than a heart attack. This was all wrong.

Parker turned away and ran upstairs to the roof access. It was raining but she didn’t care, and she sat up there getting soaked without even noticing.

Other than Archie, Parker had no father figure. She loved Archie dearly, but he and Nate were so different from each other. Nate didn’t treat her like a kid or like she was special and unique. He treated her like she was Parker and that was enough for him. Picking up whatever phase she was going through, he then leaned into it. He let her grow while still making sure she was safe. Sophie mothered her at times and Hardison would always keep an eye on her. Plus, Nate knew Eliot would protect her no matter how much she drove him crazy. Parker saw how Nate treated the others, and it was different for each of them. They always made jokes about the Black King and the Black Knight about Nate and Eliot, and she assumed Sophie was the Black Queen. She once mentioned it and Eliot laughed.

“No, you were always the Black Queen. You were his most powerful piece on the board and Nate knew that. Sophie was versatile, of course. She was amazing at what she did but she had no desire to learn the whole team. Just her part which she knew she was best at. So, you were always the Black Queen.”

Parker had laughed it off until Nate retired and she realized he expected her to take his place. Then she realized he had been training her to replace him all along. When it came to fighting, Eliot was the one who could see the battlefield from every point of view. He was strategic and dangerous, just like a knight. When Nate had been kidnapped, Eliot had stepped up and took over, forcing Sterling to take the back seat and they all followed Eliot without a second thought. He was also frequently the one that Nate sent with Parker into the middle of the things in the con. Sophie got them in the door, Hardison made sure no one knew they were there, and Eliot and Parker did the rest with Nate’s guidance.

It was the same now, but they hadn’t had Nate there in so long, she and Eliot could move together fluidly through every con. She frequently heard it in Hardison’s voice how the two of them stressed him out because of their lack of fear. But Nate had always trusted the two of them together and they ended up learning to read each other without Nate in their ear telling them how.

As good as they all were, after Nate and Sophie left, they frequently had problems because Nate wasn’t guiding them and suddenly in the middle of the con, they’d go back to working alone. They blew two cons completely that way.

Parker considered the team was broken and called Nate. He simply said he wouldn’t have left the team to her if she wasn’t capable of running it. He didn’t give advice. She vented to him and in the process of venting she realized where they had gone wrong. They were acting as three individuals again instead of one team. As soon as she said it, Nate just murmured his agreement.

On the next con, Parker flipped the script. She led the con and told the two men what to do for a while. She thought that they would resist her being in charge, but they didn’t. They seemed more comfortable that way. Eliot was the muscle, Hardison was the brain, and Parker was the mastermind. They could all do other things, but in the beginning, they needed to go back to their strengths. Eventually, everyone started learning the other person’s job.

Parker couldn’t have done any of it without Nate having that faith in her. Hardison had tons of faith in her, but he also loved her, so she knew he was a bit biased. Eliot was in some ways the male version of her and in other ways an older brother so he could be really supportive or really hard on her at times, but if anyone else messed with her, he’d rip their head off.

Who would she call if she needed advice now?

Parker almost didn’t go to the funeral. She panicked like she used to when the team was first formed. Hardison spent an hour trying to get her to get dressed, and then once dressed, she refused to leave the hotel room. Finally, Eliot walked over and said, “Sophie needs us. Come on.” Always so blunt, he frequently was able to get her to do things that Hardison couldn’t get done with begging. It frustrated Hardison, but she couldn’t help it. Eliot just had that effect on her in times of crisis. Something like falling into an ice cave with him created that lasting bond with her.

They greeted Tara warmly and even Sterling was kind to them. Eliot managed not to growl at him. Apollo Robbins, her fellow thief, was there. They had worked together a few times on the new team, right after Nate retired. He was weird like her, so she felt comfortable with him when they were all on the same team. Eventually, he was on one of the other Leverage teams in Europe. Maggie came too, of course. She and Sophie had become friends. Parker could see how much she was grieving but she tended to be very quiet about her feelings mostly.

There were lots of people Parker didn’t know, but she was surprised at how many she did know from when they were a crew, even some clients. Josie, the former car thief, was there with her girlfriend, and she rushed over and hugged Parker. Hardison had helped Parker learn to accept hugs thar she wasn’t ready for if she knew the person. She still reacted violently if someone she barely knew tried to hug her, and she couldn’t get away. But she really liked Josie and could tolerate it. Her former boss, who was their former client, had been friendly with Nate after bumping into him and Sophie at a restaurant a few years ago. He let Josie know about the funeral since he was out of town.

“Did you know Nate stayed in contact with all of these clients?” she asked Eliot who shook his head. He seemed as surprised as her when they saw people they had helped over a decade ago.

Even though Sophie acknowledged their presence earlier, she waited until most of the people were gone before she came over. She spoke to Hardison for a while before talking to Parker. She took Parker’s hands and just looked at her.

“You’ve turned into quite the boss lady,” Sophie said with a smile. “Nate was so relieved knowing you were leading the crew.” Parker reached out and grabbed Sophie in a tight hug. Sophie laughed and said, “Don’t make me cry. I’m barely holding it together.”

“This isn’t right. He should be here with us now. All that scum we took down still walking around and Nathan Ford isn’t. It’s just wrong,” Parker said quietly. “You know if you need us, we’ll all be here for you. Remember those dinners we used to have together? We can do that again.”

“Soon. I just need time, I think.

“Do you remember that case with the funeral home a long time ago? Nate told me that you know your loved ones are at peace if you have faith,” Parker said and pulled back to look at Sophie. “I think he’s at peace. I have faith that he’s at peace. Saint Nicholas watches over us and he’ll make sure Nate’s at peace.” Tears filled Sophie’s eyes, and she nodded, hugging Parker again.

xOxOx

Eliot waited until the other two had gone their separate ways to grieve before he poured two glasses of Irish whiskey. One for himself, one in honor of Nate He sat on the bar stool and just leaned his head onto his hand, sipping from one glass. Some things about Eliot, no one but Nate knew, some of the worst things. As much as he loved the other three, he didn’t want them to know because it would change how they felt about him.

They didn’t know about the shootout where Eliot killed probably twenty men. And they didn’t know about the wetwork he had done so much of. But worse than that, they didn’t know the worst thing he’d ever done, just that it existed, lingering in the background waiting to rear its ugly head again. Damien Moreau decided Nate should know so he told them while the two were in San Lorenzo with President Ribera. Damien told Nate everything that Eliot had done.

Nate looked at him strangely for a while before confronting him. Eliot thought it was the shoot-out, but it was worse. Eliot was alone in the office when Nate sat down across from him.

“Damien told me what it was that you did,” he said quietly. Eliot felt that sick feeling run all over him like bile. “I’m not judging you. But I feel like if I don’t tell you that I know, that’s being more dishonest. So, I know.”

Eliot waited a few moments before raising his eyes to Nate’s. He had so many conflicting emotions but in a small part, he wanted to beat the shit out of Nate. This was all his fault. Nate got arrested and he made the deal with the Italian, putting Eliot right in Damien’s path again. After finding out about his history with Damien, Nate made Eliot pretend to murder Atherton then he made him really murder twenty armed men. Now he was sitting there calmly telling Eliot how he knew, he’s known since San Lorenzo? Maybe if he beat the fuck out of Nate, he’d feel better.

“You’re not that man anymore, Eliot,” Nate said looking deep into his eyes. “You’re not that man anymore. If you do not let go of that past, it will eat you up. And I need you to be there for the team and be there for our clients. You’re not that man anymore. You’re the man who we all depend on to keep us safe, to keep our clients safe. That man has never let us down. You can’t be that man if you bury yourself in the past. You can’t help people if you’re still in the past with Damien. He’s locked up. You helped make that happen.”

Eliot looked down and took a deep breath, unsure what to say. After a minute, Nate rose and walked towards the door. He turned with his hand on the knob and said, “You can’t undo what you did. But you’re redeeming yourself every day. Cut yourself some slack. Think of how Parker and Hardison look up to you and Sophie respects you. I need you and depend on you to protect us all and keep me from going off the rails. Eliot, remember every day that you’re really not that man anymore.”

Eliot held back all the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him after Nate left. It wasn’t what he said as much as it was the fact that someone, someone he respected, knew and didn’t loathe him as much as he loathed himself. Nate never mentioned that conversation again.

Eliot’s secret died with Nate. Maybe he should feel glad about that, but he didn’t. He just felt unbearable loss. Nate had been like an older brother to him. Half the time he wanted to punch him, but he knew that he’d be nowhere good without him. When the others weren’t around, they used to talk about deep things, not emotions or anything like that, but deep thoughts on life or history. After he retired, Nate would always meet Eliot wherever the Stanley Cup Finals were. They’d take a few days, go to the games, eat good food, drink good wine, and talk about life like they used to.

Nate loved the team, and he counted on Eliot to protect them. He checked in on the team with him every week for ten years. It was usually just a simple text casually asking if everyone was okay. Sometimes he’d call to check on Eliot because he knew the hitter wouldn’t report any problems he was having.

Nate still referred to every one of them as his family. And now the family would mourn the patriarch’s death.

Eliot finished his drink and got up from the bar, leaving the other glass full, in honor of Nate.

At the funeral, Eliot greeted Willy and Aimee first, surprised to see them. Her current husband had remained behind to take care of the ranch, but Eliot and Aimee were friendly now. He was a bit stunned to see Willy moving so slowly and appearing weak. As soon as he went to get a drink, Aimee, having noticed Eliot's concerned look at Willy, said, “He’s getting older but he’s still at the stables every day from sunup to sundown. You should come for a visit.” When Eliot nodded, she said softly, “I’m very sorry about Nate. I know how close you two were. Dad wanted to come since Nate helped us so much with the ranch. He even named a horse Mr. Ford, like Mr. Ed.”

Eliot smiled slightly and nodded. “Yes, it was a shock. It was so sudden.”

“How will Sophie be?” She hesitated and blurted out. “How will you be?”

“Sophie is one of the toughest women I know but this is going to be hard, so we’ll be there to catch her if she needs it” Eliot chuckled and replied, “Sadly, I have gotten used to losing friends, after all of my military service. I am always surprised that I outlive them though.”

Seeing Maggie, Eliot gave Aimee a hug and a quick kiss goodbye. Maggie looked up as he walked over and smiled to see him. He gave her a big hug, kissing her on the top of her head. “Are you okay?”

“Honestly?” she asked then shook her head. “It's too soon. He was too young. Sophie only had ten years of marriage with him. I really wanted them to be happy.”

“They were. Not long enough but they were happy in the time they had,” he answered as Sterling walked up. He kissed Maggie on the cheek and shook Eliot’s hand.

“I hope someone got that on video,” Maggie said with a slight chuckle.

“Ah well, if we can’t shake hands in Nate’s honor, who could we do it for,” Sterling replied with a smile.

“Was that your daughter I saw you with earlier?” Eliot asked, mentally trying to figure out how old she’d be.

Sterling pointed her out talking to a few people. “Yes, she remembered Nate from Dubai and wanted to come with me.”

“She’s beautiful, James,” Maggie said with a big smile. “I heard she recently got her PHD.”

“Yes, she’s smarter and better looking than me, thankfully for her,” Sterling chuckled. He glanced at Eliot. “How’s Sophie?”

“She’s in actress mode, I think. I haven’t spoken to her one-on-one yet. She’s strong though.”

“I’m going to go say goodbye to Hardison and Parker, then I’ll say goodnight to Sophie. She looks like she’s about to drop from exhaustion. Do you want to come with me?” Maggie asked Sterling. She gave Eliot a hug before walking to Parker and Hardison. Eliot couldn’t help but chuckle when Hardison and Parker shook Sterling’s hand as well. If they couldn’t do it in honor of Nate…

After most people had left, Eliot was nursing a drink and talking to Parker when Sophie came up to Hardison. She spoke for a while to Parker too. After they walked away, she just looked at Eliot for the longest time.

“I saved you for last,” she said in a quiet voice. “I knew I didn’t have to comfort you three like I have been comforting everyone else. It’s strange how that is, isn’t it? I lost him but I’m comforting them, reassuring everyone that he didn’t suffer, and it was quick.” Soon tears ran down her face and Eliot quickly pulled her into an embrace. She sobbed into his chest, and he just held her. Eventually, he led her to a bench that was out of the way to sit down because she seemed to sag in his arms, and he knew she had run out of strength.

Eliot held her until she cried herself out. “Aren’t you going to tell me how he’s in a better place and how he wouldn’t want me to grieve him so badly?”

“Sounds like someone already did. Did it make you feel better?” he asked, and she shook her head.

“It made me angry. Like I am selfish for mourning him or for wanting him here. The only thing that comforts me at all is that at least he’s with Sam,” she whispered then buried her face into his chest again. After a few moments, she asked, “How am I going to get up tomorrow knowing he’s not there? And he won’t be there the day after tomorrow. Or the day after that.”

“Sophie, there is no easy way to grieve. You know that. It’s just one hour at a time at first, then one day at a time. But it’s not something to you have ‘get right’. You can be bad at grieving, and no one will judge you. You can have days where you stay in bed crying. But make sure you always get up again, no matter how long it takes,” he responded, then stroked her cheek. “And you know where I am if you need me. I am available all the time for you. Call me, email, text me, or ask me to drop everything to fly here and I will. Nate will haunt me for all of my days if I’m not here for you.”

“You always protected me. I wish you could have protected me from this.”

Eliot pulled back and looked at her face. “There is one way you could have avoided mourning this loss. You could never have taken a chance on love in the first place. Other than that, there was no way around it. At least you had the time that you did, and I can’t imagine you’d trade that time for anything.”

“Can I take over his job checking on the team and going to hockey games with you?” she asked.

“Sure, but Nate always paid,” he said with a smile, making her chuckle.

Sophie turned as Hardison and Parker were walking up. The four of them stood in silence for a while before Sophie rose and Eliot stood beside her.

“It’s been just us three for so long but with you here it makes it obvious that we’re missing someone,” Parker said quietly. “Come stay with us for a while Sophie. You don’t want to be here alone.”

“It’s my home. It was our home. I’m not ready to leave yet. I have to go through his clothes and figure out what to do with the rest of his things. The will reading is tomorrow. You three are on the list to be there.” Sophie glanced down. “I don’t know what to expect. I mean I know our finances and our belongings, but I suspect there is something I don’t know about in there.”

“Maybe he stole you something nice,” Hardison said with a slight smile. “Did you eat anything? We can take you out to dinner if you didn’t.”

“No, the caterers will leave something I can pick through. But thank you.”

Noticing how she was dragging her feet in letting them go, Eliot suggested the other two go back to the hotel and he was going to help clean up. Once they were gone, he got Sophie to sit down long enough so that he could get her to eat something. He cleaned up and put away the leftover food, stacked chairs, and folded tables. When he was finished, he found Sophie asleep on the couch. He didn’t want to just leave her alone, so he texted Hardison and said he was staying there for the night. He covered her up with a blanket then kissed her on the head. Eliot turned out the lights and sat down in the recliner. It took him a long time to fall asleep. He felt like Nate was reminding him to watch over Sophie.

Perhaps he was. If anyone could come back from the dead to haunt them it would be Nathan Ford.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;