#aka ''scenes i will write my damn self if i have to''

[thermodynamic-comedian]

scenes i really really want to happen in tmagp but probably never will: a compilation.

a scene where needles forgets that he's made of needles for just a second and accidentally hurts someone he didn't mean to. the horror of only being capable of harmful contact ensues.

a scene where celia mentions the magnus institute being an 'academic research institute in london' and everyone else is immediately like "no, that's not correct at all lol where did you even get that from"

a scene where lena directly goes against orders from whoever her boss is in order to protect someone from oiar. bonus points if she's audibly afraid, but doesn't hesitate one bit.

[cheeekycharchar]

LOVE LANGUAGE AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS

"But you understood me."

French is universally known as "the language of love".

Crowley remarks that they're both fluent in every language.

Aziraphale prides himself on his self-taught French speaking abilities even though he's obviously terrible at it.

Crowley speaks it with natural ease.

MEANWHILE….

Aziraphale is an angel who struggles with expressing his true feelings/what is truly on his mind..

Crowley is a demon who expresses his feelings and what's on his mind a little too easily..

AND THEY KEEP HAVING THESE MISCOMMUNICATIONS.

In 6000+years, Aziraphale had always known he could get his point across to Crowley in one way or another but..

it's that damned S2E6 final scene that he finally realizes that he can't get Crowley to understand him when he needs him to the most.

"I don't think you understand what I'm offering you."

"I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do."

Just like earlier with the French.

Aziraphale thinks he's speaking perfectly coherently.

But Crowley is trying to, yet again, point out that he's incomprehensible at that moment.

"What's with the French?"

"I learned that the hard way."

..AND YOU'RE GONNA LEARN THE HARD WAY AGAIN, MY DEAREST ANGEL D:

Aziraphale's ignorance to just how bad his communication skills can be at times is such a big problem- not saying Crowley hasn't said the wrong thing now and again either- but the way the show keeps pointing out Aziraphale's bad French despite him being an immortal being that is supposedly fluent in all languages.. except French (aka the very human language of love) that both of them struggle with- except Crowley is always faster on the uptake than Aziraphale in that manner.

Love is its own type of communication.

It's something that is not only said with words but with actions.

I could write an entire essay of all the ways Crowley and Aziraphale have shown each other how much they love each other through their thousands of years together.

But it's once they try to put it into words.. they falter.

"And I would like to spend..."

I just hope in S3, they finally learn how to understand each other's love language.

It's something truly beautiful and tragic that our Ineffable Husbands love each other so damn much but struggle to verbalize it to one another and be understood properly.

Which causes those missed communications.. and breaks our hearts...

[prettygoododds]

20 Questions for fic writers

Thanks @wellbelesbian for tagging me. Such fun questions! Tags below the cut.

How many works do you have on AO3

68! Wow, I did not realize this.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

134,335

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Carry On Series aka Simon Snow fandom aka Snobaz

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

When the Ink Dries

Can I Change My Mind (this one blows my mind, how it continues to stay at the top)

Namaste Away

Every Lover Has A Little Dagger In Their Hand

We're So Starving

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or Why not?

I try to, but I'm very bad at it. It's something I need to work on.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

We Were Pity Sex, Nothing More and Nothing Less It doesn't even pretend to be kind.

Also, I'm Right Where You Left Me It's short, but cuts right to the bone.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of mine do have a happy ending (when I go sad, I go hard). If I had to choose a few, I suppose:

Where Did the Party Go?

Believe

Namaste Away

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. Had a few recommendations on how to tag a few works, or to make it more user friendly but everyone has always been very kind with those suggestions. The Carry On fandom is a really good fandom.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I'm slowly dipping my toes in that water. I've posted a few works that have smut, but I'm still very tentative about it. I don't know what kind really. Regular?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do not

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, but I'm not opposed to it.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Snobaz, hands down. It's the one I come back to every time. My comfort ship.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have 2 WIP currently and both of those will be finished. My other WIP not on AO3 are just sitting in my google docs, where no one can see them shivering in the corner, neglected.

16 What are your writing strengths?

Oof. I'd like to think I'm good at dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions and setting a scene. I'm working on it though, and that's the important bit I suppose *shrugs shoulders in Simon*

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Not something I've attempted. I won't say I never will, but I will probably not unless I absolutely have to

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Somewhere, in the depths of fanfic.net are my abandoned Twilight fics. And that is where they will stay until the death of the planet.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I have a few and when I'm questioning why I think I should be doing this at all, I read them to remember I started because I wanted to write the stories I wanted to read.

When The Ink Dries - I started this fic waaaaay before I ever posted it and it was the reason I decided to participate in my first Carry On Big Bang. It's my fic first born.

I'm Not A Pitch - This fic popped my AO3 cherry. I posted it before I could second guess myself. It's full of errors, but I wouldn't change anything about it.

Vibe Check - I wrote this in a few hours when I was feeling silly and it is still one of my favorites

Who Wants Ramen? - My friend and I giggled endlessly when I plotted this one out.

You Can Call Me Babe for the Weekend - I spend a lot of time listening to music and plotting out the story that a 3-4 minutes song can tell. 'Tis the Damn Season was an immediate movie in my head and as soon as I could plot it out and put it on paper (so to speak) I did.

And last but not least Sugar, We're Going Down Swingin - This is pure self indulgence. I got into hockey, I wanted the boys to be hockey players...bam, here's a fic with almost no hockey in it, but sometimes they talk about it.

I'm don't know who's already been tagged, so sorry if I double up:

@facewithoutheart @imagineacoolusername @artsyunderstudy @shemakesmeforget @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ionlydrinkhotwater @rimeswithpurple @aristocratic-otter @cutestkilla @blackberrysummerblog @nausikaaa @supercutedinosaurs @nightimedreamersworld @valeffelees @iamamythologicalcreature @shrekgogurt @ileadacharmedlife @martsonmars @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[welcometololaland]

someone pointed out i didn't actually do my own WIP game, so here you go lol. thank you to everyone who participated!!! i love knowing what's on your tasty, tasty plates.

I'd like to encourage anyone who hasn't done this to please do it! This is an open tag from me, you can say lola pressured you ;)

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (There are also questions for artists/GIF creators below).

For Writers

1. WIP List:

(only my active WIPS):

Not Now But Soon aka 10 Things I Hate About You AU (Tarlos)

When in Rome aka Eurotrip (RWRB)

Call Me (By My Name) (co-write with @rmd-writes) (Tarlos)

Cause of Action aka Set It Up AU (TGM)

[Redacted] Christmas Fic (RWRB)

The Ring-In (Again) aka The Ring-In Sequel (Tarlos)

[Unnamed/Redacted AU] (co-write with @strandnreyes) (Tarlos)

Product Placement aka Sequel to TikTok Fic (Tarlos)

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

Hands down Eurotrip - I think it's about 45k right now.

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

Eurotrip. By my projection, 180k.

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

I love writing my co-writes. I just find them so, so fun to plot and jointly scream about.

But I also find writing The-Ring In 2.0 very easy because it's just so. damn. silly (see also [Redacted] Christmas Fic which I think might be the stupidest thing I've ever written).

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

Eurotrip because it's SO LONG and also I keep having self-doubt.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

See above. I think because I keep worrying it's not good enough. I really wanted it to be so perfect and I think that perfectionism is haunting me. Plus, I keep getting discouraged that it's boring and everyone else is doing the same thing but better lol.

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

All of them because frankly I can't be trusted not to give a character six hands or put them in the shower with their clothes on.

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

Eurotrip, many times. Not Now But Soon. Cause of Action. Product Placement. All of them have been haunted.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Definitely The Ring-In 2.0. I have Richard "Dick" Reynolds, the childhood 'nemesis' of Carlos Reyes that turns up at an inopportune moment. Also, an unnamed OC which will basically be a play on Tad Mikowski from the Aspen episode of South Park (if anyone has seen it).

OH ALSO. REDACTED RWRB CHRISTMAS FIC HAS THE MOST RIDICULOUS OC OF ALL TIME. seriously. i cannot wait to write him.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Well I've barely started The Ring-In 2.0 and they've already fucked in a spin cycle shower stall so...

I think Call Me (By My Name) will also be fyyyyyre since Rae is there with me.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

Not Now But Soon or Eurotrip. Neither are particularly angsty, but I don't write angst (well).

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

I think the [Redacted] co-write with Jen will be heartwarming and funny and Jen is amazing at characterisation so I have faith she will carry the team ;)

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

Eurotrip (I HOPE). The Ring-In 2.0 could be really fucking funny if the scene setting is good. Also, [Redacted] RWRB Christmas fic if I can pull it off. 'Scene setting' but not as you know it ;)

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

Eurotrip, but it continues to evade me.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

Eurotrip. Which is the whole damn problem with it.

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

Yes. I hate it because I can dream it but not write it (WHY?)

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

Eurotrip, because the characters are covering a lot of distance (literally). It involves more research than the others. Call Me (By My Name) for [redacted] REASONS.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

Oh shit. All of them? Humour is my brand people!! I mean The Ring-In 2.0 will be straight up ridiculous, of course. I have cackled over the plotting for [redacted] with Jen and Call Me (By My Name). There are some truly stupid moments in Eurotrip. The whole of Product Placement is basically crack. The REDACTED RWRB CHRISTMAS FIC. GUYS. THIS FUCKING FIC. WILL BE THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN (also it has nothing to do with Christmas don't look at me).

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

Not really, but I have to create some OCs for The Ring-In 2.0 and also bring back a bunch of existing OCs from the original, which makes the characterisation aspect a little more complex.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

Redacted RWRB Christmas fic is basically being co-created by my sister who offered to jump into my Google docs. A family affair!

Thanks again to everyone for playing!

[nirikeehan]

2023 fic round up

I have decided to do this because why not.

Tagging: @monocytogenes | @delicatefade | @theluckywizard | @rowanisawriter | @oxygenforthewicked | @bluewren | @exalted-dawn-drabbles and anyone else who would like to participate!

words posted: According to AO3 - 139,622. Which seems awfully high for how badly my output tanked in the second half of the year.

additional words written: Idek. but i do know I have at least 14k of my Dragon Age/Curse of Strahd crossover I'm probably never going to post. So that's how I'm rolling these days.

grand total of words: A lot, supposedly.

fandoms: Dragon Age, and I can never tell if I should count Twice Bitten as its own fandom, or stick it under the umbrella of Curse of Strahd, or stick both under the umbrella of Dungeons and Dragons. But that.

highest kudos: Through a Glass, Darkly, aka nightmare au, with 84.

highest hit oneshot: A Brief Respite, an extremely short and fluffy piece about Thalia and Cullen taking a nap together, lol. 470 hits!

new things I tried: A weird AF, extremely self-indulgent crossover.

fic I spent the most time on: Through a Glass, Darkly, I think. I updated 7 chapters!

fic I spent the least time on: All those wips that didn't get updated at all this year....

favorite thing I wrote: No contest. It's Thalia and Metrion. Every damn scene. They play off each other so well. I definitely didn't mean to get into an extremely obscure DND podcast and give Thalia a new best friend, but I did and here we are.

Second place is probably Samson taking a literal shit, though. And the continued adventures of Cullen and Samson as Templars in Kirkwall is a close third.

favorite thing(s) I read:

• ceasefire by @rowanisawriter - absolutely beautifully written, heartbreaking second chance romance between Cullen and an Inquisitor who made him keep taking lyrium.

• the words of the prophets (are written on the subways halls) by @inquisimer, a gift fic she wrote for me about Cullen and Samson's troubled friendship and IT IS GUT-WRENCHING AND DELIGHTFUL

• Aggressive Negotiations by windwalker57, a gift fic he wrote for DAFF OC Swap featuring Thalia in a fantastic action/adventure at the Hasmal Circle.

writing goals for 2024: Finish a wip before I have to ghost fandom in anticipation of Dreadwolf probably. Kingdom Come might be the closest to actually being finished, but I put the most brain power into Through a Glass, Darkly, so maybe that one. That seem ambitious, though.

new works: Too much assorted nonsense to name here. Feel free to peruse my AO3 if you're curious.

Template under the cut.

words posted:

additional words written:

grand total of words:

fandoms:

highest kudos:

highest hit oneshot:

new things I tried:

fic I spent the most time on:

fic I spent the least time on:

favorite thing I wrote:

favorite thing(s) I read:

writing goals for 2024:

new works:

[casasupernovas]

i realised that the reason doctor who series 3 doesn't work as well as it should is because it focuses on the doctor instead of the companion. series 1 in my opinion is the best series of the rtd era and it's because there is so much attention to detail to the companion. which is something the show had never done before. this is also why series 4 works so well. everything about rose is cultivated. her homelife, job, social life, community, family, everything. which is disturbed and re-shaped by her meeting the doctor. the story is about rose but revolves around the doctor.

series 3 is too self involved with the doctor. the companion is the audience's eyes but not nearly enough attention or detail is paid to martha. she's the only companion with biggest family but has the least amount of episodes dedicated to them. rose and donna's stories are built around their lives and why they make the decisions they do and not nearly enough time is dedicated to martha in this way.

it's also why so many of the stories have martha away from the doctor. it's focused on the doctor and the doctor is emotionally distant and not paying attention, so martha is seperated from him a lot. not to mention martha is written to be in love with him which only focuses the story on him more. most martha centric scenes will only discuss this. there's no balance.

the narrative is so focused on this that martha gets no grace for most episodes. it's too busy focusing on the doctor's heartbreak to point out that martha cannot possibly understand or know because she's in the dark for most of the episodes (she doesn't find out what happened to rose until utopia) and it's not like the doctor ever asks martha about her life. ever. and i understand that the point of series 3 is to show that the doctor was being unfair to martha and this is why he loses her but i still don't like it. because for that to work we need consequences, and i suppose martha leaving is a consequence, but no one apart from martha and jack call him out.

he's rude to her in almost every episode but no one calls him out. even when rose (and the doctor) were behaving badly they got called out. mickey calls rose out. jackie calls her out. there's a tiny mention in 'voyage of the damned.' a brief mention in partners in crime suggest accountability but again she's never focused on when she really should have been. especially if we are working from the point of donna changing her mind from being terrified before.

we can have a whole series with rose's impact lingering but not for martha apparently. in fact, in a weird twist, the doctor tries to turn it on martha instead in 'the sontaran strategem' in him disapproving that she has become a soldier. the actual audacity. he should be feeling shame not distaste. you can't have the doctor confess to ruining her life only to turn up his nose to the consequences in the same season.

no one is in martha's corner so she has to do it all by herself, and it sucks to watch martha eventually stop trying by the end of her season. and while this is a bit off tangent but i never really liked the 'get out' analogy martha uses at the end because the man who is oblivious to a girls affections is a huge understatement to what actually happened between the two.

anyway, focusing on the doctor is an interesting concept but ultimately, at least in my opinion, doesn't work because a show about time travel and aliens etc etc will work best through the eyes of those who do not know that those worlds exists aka the companion. again, season 1 displays this perfectly.

i also think the doctor works the best when he is kept mysterious, and i think we know too much of what the doctor is thinking in series 3. i would have preferred more ambiguity because we can never truly pinpoint a character like that, someone who has lived so many lives, lived for so long. you can never quite out your finger on what he is thinking. in the 90s when they were writing the books, it was an rule to never put in a doctor pov because he was to remain a mystery and i wholeheartedly agree. i always think that the tenth doctor is the one with this most prominent problem. i can argue enough ambiguity for classic and 9, 11, 12 & 13. they're all quite impersonal and while 9's emotions are plainly written on his face, the presentation of his past and present in his stories still leave a lot of mystery i think.

i think david tennant is good enough an actor to pull off this mysteriousness, but i still think he is quite easy to read in series 3 and i'm not sure how much i like this narrative decision. i think despite the obvious love story in the second series, there was a uncertainty sometimes of what sort of person he had regenerated into. certainly the main theme of series 2 was that rose doesn't know much about him still.

i dunno, i'm not explaining myself very well.

anyways, these are my thoughts.

[esamastation]

Some Desmond centric AC fic ideas again...

1 Desmond is a muggleborn wizard and doesn't know it. His parents figured the letter to wizard school was a hoax, so it never came up. At the age of 24, he's still suffering from accidental magic, which he can dismiss as weird coincidences - until Bleeding Effect + Accidental Magic leads into him having some really dangerous, completely autonomous patronuses just wandering around him doing whatever they please.

2 Sugar daddy Desmond. He's in the past, he's using his future knowledge shamelessly to his advantage, he's collecting priceless art - he's funding Leonardo's every whim monetarily, like, "Here's a bag of florins for you, why don't you build yourself something nice :)". (Ezio, on other hand, gets armour and weapons and poisons and sexy lingerie and bombs and)

3 Desmond breaks time, and is desperately trying to unbreak it. Somehow, this is Malik Al-Sayf's problem, and now this damn copy of Altaïr with terrifying insight (and maybe powers but Malik refuses to believe in them) keeps popping in and out of his bureau, spouting ludicrous nonsense and probably stealing all his cushions.

4 Desmond wakes up in an alternate universe where the Isu Trinity's world saving, self building machine went into overdrive. Now the whole planet has been turned into a megastructure and no one has control over it. Aka, I read Blame! again and want to do a crossover. (Behind the scenes, this world's Minerva has been for centuries trying to bring Desmond into existence to stop the megastructure's expansion. There are now versions of his ancestors all over the City earth has been turned into.)

5 Desmond gets summoned to alternate realities, like Harry Potter in all those "summoned saviour” fics. Sometimes it's by his team, sometimes it's by Minerva, sometimes it's by his ancestors. And sometimes it's by Templars. And usually it's for the same purpose. Activate the grand temple and save the world from the solar flare.

I have so many feelings and I want to write something so bad 😩 When will my writing mojo come back to me...

[lutawolf]

Unforgotten Night (2022) Ep 1

My brat with a British accent wanted to write this together. Her once again covering the sub and me covering the Dom. I told her that she was a sadist and this was supposed to be bad. Iffy "noooooo, no, I'm just a special word for someone who wants you to suffer with me" You will be able to find the lovely iffy's companion post here.

It didn't help that I got so many requests to watch this. I think some of you are sadists. Is there something about doing this to a sadist that turns you on?? I included the Coconuts Mafia in my torture because if I'm going to take one, then the team should too. Thank you so much for the support and commentary! @biochemjess @suga4mycoffee read here @mematryoshkame @minisculecosmos @hereiswhereitbegan28 @akitbeast and their commentary here and Pebee. Also make sure to read @feralpansexual bdsm red flags post here

For those that know nothing about the series and this is your first time hearing about it: Kim (sub), a 25 year old office worker, has been in one sided love with his senior, Day, for a a long time. To forget about him and move on, he decides to have one night stand with a random stranger he met at the bar. What he didn't know was the stranger would start liking him to the point of no return. Kamol (Dom/Sadist), a 30 year old mafia, has some special needs in bed and so he keeps switching partners but no one is able to satisfy him. One night he meets Kim, who perfectly meets his needs. Right at that moment, Kamol decided to make the man his own.

Promo Poster

Seriously guys, what the fuck is that picture above. His FACE. "When you want to be tied up, but the idiot you're fucking doesn't know how to do it properly." I would like to be on the side of the Dom here but I can just hear the sub saying "Gotta do everything my damn self" Also, why are they using a glorified shoelace?? I mean, I haven't even started the episode yet and I'm dead. Where is the chemistry? What is it with these poses? They feel like their about to give a beginner's class in couples yoga with fun accessories.

Episode 1

So begins my drinking habit, I mean watch. No really, this turned into a drinking game. I took a shot every time a sub cries. I was tipsy by the end of the show. There was torture... Of the audience kind. Ellen DeGeneres shoes, constantly running water taps, 80's music and a horrible English breakfast with anemic sausage. On the plus side, I laughed a lot. I highly recommend as a group hate watch.

We meet Kamol as a "business tycoon" and you can tell they are trying to set an air of arrogance and command. The typical portrayal of a Dom. I didn't feel it though. I was deeply underwhelmed, he really wasn't giving strong power vibes. Ohhh, the ominous whisper "Something big is coming up." I'm all a flutter. Also, this might be an American thing but he just gave the weakest hang shake ever. As a Dom, I would be embarrassed. That's the one area where it is completely acceptable to have a pissing contest and you just barely held finger.

The next scene shows a weeping and marked up submissive. I've got no issue with one night stands but you still put the work in. Not only should there have been respect for limits but also aftercare. Instead he leaves him and has his bodyguards take him out. Can we get more Dom low class?

Why, yes we can "They always say they can take it but they never last" Yeah, okay. He wasn't any more satisfied than you buddy, so who is the real problem here? That's just stupid. You don't pick someone off the street and go, lets do a little whip and tickle. It takes a masochist to like pain and every masochist likes a different type of pain. This is like me asking if someone likes ice cream and then making them eat the flavor that's my favorite. Dumbass, I said I like ice cream, doesn't mean I like that ice cream.

We have a lot of weepy sub scenes. Then the girls aka assistants, take their boss to the bar. I don't know how they thought this was a good idea. The music alone would cause me to cry and drink too much. However, it's at the bar that Kamol (aka shoelace Pillsbury Ceo) shows up and notices Kim. Finally we have the moment they meet. In a bathroom, because the mafia apparently really appreciate bathrooms.

Kim is stumbling drunk into the bathroom and Kamol thinks this is a brilliant. Follows him into the bathroom. Where we have the conversation of,

Kim "Are you starting at me"

Pillsbury "I'm staring at you"

Kim "you interested"

Pillsbury "Yes, you caught my eye"

All why the mother fucking water facet is going!!!

Weepy Sub "in that case can you help me forget him"

Pillsbury "As long as you can tolerate it" 🙄🙄 Because yes, I like chocolate chip ice cream and so will you! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Weepy "No problem, you can do whatever you want" that's a good way to get stds kid and then you'll really have something to cry about.

Oh look! We finally have the, you're drunk, who me talk. It went as expected. Weepy sub is now up against the bathroom counter. Managing to avoid the still running water! It's torturing me! This is not my flavor of masochism! Then he calls him Baby. Which fits weepy sub. It's a very accurate pet name.

We show up at Pillsbury's place where they are magically changed into robes.... And they ones again talk about if baby is drunk. Yet they never talk about what kind of kink they are into. We apparently just gonna wing it, cause yeah that works. Guess we can blame it on him getting all hot and bothered at being called Mister. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The most consent talk we get is, you can suck this up right. And then he beaks out the Toys-R-Us cuffs that baby can easily slid right out of. He started him off real light with luke warm wax that's barely dripping. Yet we get this face.

At this point, I'm thinking boy can't handle much. Then Pillsbury breaks out a horse flogger. You guys, I wasn't expecting accuracy and if you want me to give a break down of why the flogging was so fucking God Awful that I took two shots! I can. Needless to say it was grossly inaccurate but even that doesn't match the horror of this.

Meanwhile his flogging is on the level of "I’m going to FLOG YOU……with kindness"

"W-would you like to talk to me about my childhood wounds as I whip you very gently"

On the plus side, there was a very nice, very accurate bite mark. I've got a bitting kink myself and no way THAT was fake, so kudos for that.

Then the true torture again. Dripping faucet. While Pillsbury finally gives some kind of aftercare. A bath with sweet kisses. While whispering sweet nothings of "You are the one".. It's not much but it's finally something so we'll take it.

But then baby wakes up alone to a Best Western breakfast. Is it any wonder he booked it? Maybe start acting like a Dom and taking care of your subs? Hmm.

I can't leave you without mentioning the stick on tattoo.

It shifts. For a second I thought we were going to get a shifter bl but they were just teasing. It's just a bad fake tattoo.

So there you have it. My torture is now our torture. Especially if you made it all the way through, what ever, that was that I wrote. Hope you got a few chuckles 💜💜💜

[nerd-at-sea5]

alright this is pt 2 to 'i spent my teens in rage, spiralin' in silence' AKA the long ass yellowjackets fic i'm writing AKA the sam fender fic

pt 1 is here, pt 3 is here, ao3 link here

and uh yeah. lets go pt 2

also, during any wilderness scene this takes place in-between s1e7 and s1e10, laura lee is alive, taivan came out slightly earlier (during/around the wolf attack)

it feels weird, she thinks, to be this focused on a girl when one of the greatest albums in nat's collection is playing-and for once, for once-no one on the team is complaining.

but natalie's sitting in one of taissa's chairs, nirvana's 'bleach' halfway over from her record player-and nat can barley focus on the lyrics.

they don't need to, they know it by heart, but there's something about the way lottie's lips move to the lyrics of 'paper cuts' that make nat's stomach feel fuzzy.

van flops down next to-practically on top of her, and after one glance at their pink cheeks, nat twists around to see taissa walking out of the hallway that leads to the bathroom. she smirks at van, raising an eyebrow, how'd that go? and gets a smile and a thumbs up in response, pretty damn good.

'and they cock and-' "WOAH."

natalie's jolted out of her wordless conversation with van, as well as their increasingly more concerning lottie thoughts (now that's she's taken the time to unpack with van and realized what they actually mean) by laura lee's shocked yell, quickly scrambling to stop the record.

"laura lee, the fuck?"

"that's not-i don't get-why would that be in a song?" her face is getting redder by the second, and nat feels a small twinge of remorse, "kurt cobain-"

"it's actually an abuse metaphor," lottie interjects, and natalie's jaw almost hits the floor. the taller girl’s words are soft, her hand resting on laura lee’s knee to calm them, and nat feels a pang of jealousy. “the lyrics before 'the lady whom i feel maternal love for / cannot look me in the eyes / but i see hers and they are blue' is about how the mom who's abusing her kid can't look him in the face, but the kid can-"

"and the kid sees her true self." natalie interjects, and lottie gives her a soft smile that sends a jolt down their throat, her brown eyes flickering in the light of the lighter van is playing with-who snorts and lets nat continue. "and that true self is a monster."

she twists their hands in her lap, laura lee's eyes flicking around while she processes it, maybe they shouldn't have jumped in to explain those lyrics. van notices, and a hand closes around natalie's as tai turns to lottie, "how do you know that?"

the other girl shrugs, "i knew nat liked them, i figured it'd be a fun thing to check out and research."

the fuzzy feeling returns, racing to nat's heart as she spots a little blush on lottie's cheeks.

"i...thanks, lot."

van audibly groans, "alright, um...nat can you grab me some water, dude?”

"why the fu-oh. yeah, anyone else want some?"

laura lee holds out her cup, “me please.” while lottie raises a hand, "i'll go with you?"

natalie nods as van shoves her out of the chair, flashing a thankful look at the redhead, whos already moved on to show laura lee how to make a paper airplane out of taissa's homework.

the two end up in tai's kitchen, and when nat remembers that van loves chewing on ice in their water, lottie offers to hold open the freezer door while nat grabs some.

they do so, thankful for the burst of cold air that can be used to excuse the pink tinge on her cheeks.

it's only when natalie straightens, turning around and placing the glass on the counter next to them-she realizes that with lottie's arm stretched to prop open the door, when they turn, natlie is not only standing semi-inside the freezer-she's also chest-to-chest with lottie, who clearly wasn't expecting being this close either, and who is looking down at nat with those goddamn brown eyes.

"i-sorry, i can move-" lottie reaches to pull her arm back, and without thinking, natalie's hand lands on top of her wrist, holding it in place on the door, they can feel lottie's pulse racing-mimicking the quick thudding in nat's chest.

"....don't."

they've somehow ended up even closer now, and it's a single look; lottie's already been looking slightly down at nat-but now, her eyes drop impossibly lower for a split second-right to her lips, and directly back up to their face.

it's the 'go ahead' that she needs.

nat's hand leaves her wrist, moving to grab and pull lottie by the collar of her blue flannel while lottie's hand simultaneously cups the back of natalie's head, pulling her up ever so slightly.

it feels so different from all other kisses they've had, from all the boys when they were drunk or high or both, the boys who she'd kiss so she could ignore who she really wanted to kiss, all the times when they've been fully in control.

lottie doesn't feel like she's kissing natalie to do anything else. not to go any further or to get something out of it. it feels like she's kissing nat simply to feel their lips pressed against hers. it's a breath of fresh air-a joyous laugh in the face of everyone who made nat think you had to go further.

lottie isn't kissing natalie to go further. natalie's never wanted to go further. lottie is kissing natalie's just to kiss her.

and natalie's heart is cheering.

there's no control, everything is sliding in their brain, landing perfectly in it's place-it feels so, so right.

lottie tastes like strawberries and chocolate and for some reason natalie loves it. she wants to bottle it up and drink it when they're having a shit day, or just hold in this moment and never let go.

she feels like she's on the step to the edge of the diving board, right before you jump in, the first breathe of summer air when the school bell rings, the way biting into buttered challah feels.

there's a glowing heat spreading to their chest, their lips, their fingertips as lottie's other hand rests on her hip, she's leaning forward and natalie steps back, intending to let her back hit whatever wall was behind them-forgetting it's an open fridge-and nearly headbutts the pickle jar.

they break apart, and for one terrifying moment, natalie thinks lottie's going to run, back upstairs, back, back and away from her.

but insted, lottie smiles, tracing her hand down nat's arm and intertwining their fingers together.

---------

natalie really thought that after seeing coach's crushed leg, maggots inside a deer, her girlfriends possession and her dad's half missing head every night in their dreams for the past few weeks-nothing gory related could shake her much any more.

clearly, based on how the moment tai's legs gave out and van crumbled in front of them, natalie caught one look at the soaked blood through the clothes on van's face, down their side, down taissa's side and froze-they were very wrong.

she could hear everyone else screaming around her, maibly coach ben’s voice-trying to give off some futile attempt to show authority-but everything tunneled down to van's hand, gripping nat's leg like a lifeline, and the repeated tapping becoming more and more urgent until-

'hug?' morse code.

"yes. yeah, god fuck. van-" natalie wraps her arms around van from the non-injured side, tai still holding tightly onto van's hand.

a vivid memory of both van and nat flinching away from needles during the flu shots given, van bursting into tears only seconds after natalie, comes surging back as nat watches akilah angles the needle to van's cheek, taissa’s fear stricken face, gently rubbing van’s forehead, nat feels van's legs shaking.

nat can barley even watch without feeling her whole body go into panic mode, instead forcing themself to look at laura lee's soft hands holding down van's arm, a carefully crafted mask over the blonde girl's face, whispering silent prayers. she nods at nat, then at akilah. coach ben is at van's head, terror clear as day in his eyes, “carful. please.”

nat holds down van's legs while holding back tears. why van? why happy, funny, kind van? why her best friend? the sudden stillness of van's movements letting nat know that they've passed out does nothing to ease her anxiety, in fact it might make it worse.

she refuses to leave, mirroring tai as the two sit and silently watch over van's sleeping figure. it's only when shauna and lottie come in, shauna sitting next to tai and slowly coaxing her out of the room (not without many protests on tai's part, and one minor attempt from ben-that does not work) and to sleep for the first time in what nat thinks is around 36 hours.

"if you're going to tell me to sleep-"

"never."

lottie's voice is calm and caring, as she takes tai's former seat, gently taking natalie's hand, breaking the grip that the blond had been holding her other wrist in, leaving small, crescent shaped marks.

lottie ran her fingers over nat's hand, tracing the lines and keeping it in place when nat subconsciously jerks back to indenting their own skin.

nat dosen't realize she's begun to cry until lottie's hand cups their head as they fall into her, shaking silently.

something about lottie and holding her head always made nat feel safe. maybe it was the way lottie's hands were always soft, despite the manual labor they'd been in for the past weeks, or maybe it was because she always held nat close and tight. maybe it was that natalie could just exist around lottie, she didn't have to say anything or do anything, just existing was good enough.

the brunette said nothing, just held natalie as close as possible, that same soft, caring way she always did, gently running her hand through their hair.

"they'll be alright."

"what if they're not, lot? what if they'll never be alright? what if-"

"nat." lottie interrupts before natalie can send herself into a spiral, "breathe, baby. ok? can you do that for me?" nat shakes her head, worse case scenarios popping up each time they try to inhale, fists clenched tightly in their lap.

they feel their body move, vaguely aware of her back pressed to lottie's front, lottie's hands worming their way into nat's fists.

lottie's good at this, diffusing natalie's anxiety-not as good as van, she thinks as a fresh wave of anxiety hits.

they don't know how long they sit there, but natalie can feel their breathing go back to normal, can feel lottie press a soft kiss to her temple, "feeling better?" "mhm."

van whimpers, lottie and nat instantly on their feet as van's face twitches.

lottie squeezes nat's hand, another soft smile that has natalie feeling warmer even after lottie's hand leaves, quickly leaving the room to go retrieve taissa.

"nat?"

van gets an answer, non-verbal, but physical, with natalie throwing herself onto van (avoiding all of the wounds) and squeezes them so tight she can feel her own arms straining, "if you ever" nat manages to breathe out, "scare me like that again and i swear on laura lee's bible i will fucking kill you."

van's chest shakes slightly, they wince, slowly forming words, "good to know you love me."

"so fucking much."

---------

only jackie taylor would find a way to have a team bonding moment while trapped in the middle of nowhere.

travis, javi and coach are off having a ‘boys night’ or whatever the fuck that means (lottie thinks they just wanted some alone time) so all the team members are outside around the shitty fire they managed to make with a lot of swearing, minor shoving, and nat’s lighter.

in all honesty, lottie didn’t even want to be here. it’s been getting harder and harder to block out the thoughts that aren’t in her own voice, or to not flinch when she looks at one of her friends and spots a bug on their face. it always starts small.

she’s been falling back in on herself, regressing to behaviors she hasn’t shown since middle school. laura lee notices, laura lee was there when she freaked out in seventh grade, laura lee was there when she got diagnosed, laura lee’s always been there, she always knows.

nat notices, but natalie dosent know, lottie doesn’t want them to know. she’s heard natalie waking up every night, breathe tight and fast, whispers of dead men who haunt them when they’re asleep and even more when they’re awake. natalie dosent need to know. she won’t, if lottie can do anything about it.

lottie smiles to herself at the sight of natalie's face, pushing back her mind and focusing on the shorter girl.

mouth slightly open, pulled into a slight smirk at the left side, brow furrowed with one eyebrow raised, freckles across her nose shining out bright as day in the firelight, she's scoffing at jackie, van snorting next to her, a tight lipped smile doing little to hide the humor on their face while tai watches, a lovesick expression clear as day on her face.

jackie's expression doesn't shift, and laura lee flashes lottie a look from across the circle, "what about never have i ever?"

natalie looks down, mindlessly drawing in the dirt with her fingers, shrugs, "what the hell else are we gonna do?"

"i can recite-"

"van, dude, babe, sweetheart, love of my love-i love you, i truly do, but if you recite the plot of 'dead poets society' again i do not think laura lee will recover from her tears."

"it's really sad, ok?!"

lottie grins again, "ok, next time how about 'heathers'?” van flashes her a grin and a thumbs up as they slump against taissa, the latter kissing them on the forehead as they do, “but for now, we don't need to drink, just hold up five fin-ok we all know how to play."

nat knocks her elbow into lottie, only to drum on her sleeves with her fingers while rolling their eyes at the taller-but it's accompanied with the same smile that lottie only ever sees aimed at her.

mari goes first, 'never have i ever thrown up in school', lottie's finger goes down-a side effect of the first meds her parents tried, so does van's-that one time their mom made them go to school with the flu, and right after seeing van vomit at practice-yep, there goes shauna.

gen next, 'never have i ever gone surfing' where, to lottie's surprise, taissa and melissa are the only ones to put a finger down.

it goes like that for a bit, natalie and lottie both go out for being high at school, jackie for accidentally hitting someone's mailbox more than once in the same car (lottie had to question laura lee's specificities), lottie goes out again with taissa, jackie and shauna for traveling out of the country before, and then it's misty's turn.

"uh..never have i ever had my first kiss?"

van snickers, but around the circle-jackie, shauna, nat, tai, van, lottie, akilah, and laura lee's fingers all go down.

taissa's eyebrows shoot up and lottie can almost predict what she's going to say before she does, "wait-laura lee, who did you kiss?"

the blonde grins shyly, "that wasn't the question."

jackie holds up her hand to laura lee, "nicely done, laura lee."

nat leans forward "ill give you a really cool lookin' pine cone if you tell me." but shauna interrupts before laura lee can respond, “we could go in a circle and say who our first kiss was?"

no one opposes, so she glances at jackie before at the rest of the group, lottie can see most people look calm, jackie looks slightly more on edge, but she's hiding it well.

"so..who's first?"

out of the corner of her eye, lottie sees van and nat glance at each other, then burst out laughing, through gasps of air, they each choke out the others name.

"what?!" taissa's starring at van in shock, and lottie can only imagine that her face holds the same expression as she looks at natalie.

van holds up their hands, giggling at jackie's startled expression and misty's wide eyes, "look. look-we were like 14, and-"

"it was so fuckin’ bad."

"nat!"

"i'm not sorry! it was, it was like kissing your sibling! hated it."

van pauses for a moment, composing themself,"yeah i hated it as well."

lottie sighs, scooting closer to nat, "jealous?" the blonde whispers at her, slight anxiety coating her words, lottie shakes her head, "i think it's funny." nat nods slowly, smiling up at her "ok, thanks."

van giggles, "hey, i mean-remember that spin-the-bottle a while ago when tai and nat kissed?"

taissa scoots away, van almost falling over, "dude!" "i thought we agreed never to mention that."

the four of them laugh again, and misty raises her hand, "wait-ok. who did laura lee kiss, and...how many people here have kissed natalie?"

laura lee catches lottie's eye from across the circle, tilting her head to the side, a silent 'is it ok?'. lottie nods.

"i kissed lottie."

"i beg your fucking pardon?" nat is staring at lottie with the same face she was just staring at them with.

"LOTTIE?!" jackie's mouth is hanging open so wide that shauna lifts up her hand to put jackie's chin back.

"hey! welcome to the gays, man." van is grinning madly when they say it, a double thumbs up in laura lee's direction.

shauna turns to face lottie, who can feel herself going red from how hard she's trying to hold back her laugher, "i was trying to figure out if i liked girls.....what are friends for?"

laura lee giggles, "it was a fun experience, it's not like it was anything bad."

mari shrugs, "i feel a little slighted by the fact that you've kissed someone before me, but going back to the other one-nat. how many team members have you kissed?"

lottie turns to natalie, who glances up at her with a sly grin, "van and tai we've already covered, lottie, shauna-that time at a temple trip on a dare, and ja-"

"it didn't count."

shauna's head snaps to jackie so fast that for a split second lottie thinks she whiplashed herself. "you've kissed natalie?!"

"it didn't count!" jackie repeats, "my first kiss was jeff. besides it wasn't even a real kiss, i'm not a lesbo, anyway."

instinctivly, lottie's hand gripped nat's, who's had already curled into a fist, laura lee and tai had both flinched slightly, while van was glaring daggers at jackie, “what the fuck, man?” -shauna looked hurt.

lottie watched natalie's gaze harden, "yeah, didn't seem to count-what with you pushing me into the locker and-"

jackie lunged forward, clapping a hand over natalie's mouth, knocking them flat on their back while jealously lottie didn't know she possessed spread out through her stomach.

"shut the fuck up." jackie nearly growled, she removed her hand from natalie's mouth, only for the blonde to flash a wicked smirk, "make me."

there was more venom packing the words than any other time lottie had heard nat speak them, and yet while jackie's face flushed red, lottie felt the urge to shove jackie off nat and kiss the latter seneless.

she caught nat's eye, the blonde flashing her a familiar look, 'i can stop if you want.' but as much as she was tempted to nod, some part of lottie enjoyed what she was watching. she shook her head, and natalie grinned.

"what's your problem anyway, taylor? i never said you were gay."

"i'm not!"

van's laugh was stifled by tai's elbow-but she was also giggling.

nat's grin only grew, "then how'd you like to stop straddling me, 'cause this looks pretty fuckin' gay to me."

"i wouldn't know if it was gay or not. i'm not gay." but she still flew off natalie like they were suddenly on fire.

now lottie was trying to refrain from giggling, even shauna-who had looked a little like a kicked puppy up to this point-had shaking shoulders and a hand over her mouth. laura lee looked as if she was about to cover her eyes, but also didn’t seem to want to stop watching.

jackie, on the other hand, was bright red and a mix of angry and embarrassed, "seriously just fuck off, scatorccio-i'm not a fucking dyke, i don't like any of that shit."

van flew to their knees before lottie even had a chance to react, "jackie taylor i swear to fucking god-" but the combined hands of taissa and natalie-both of whom looked like they were about to slap jackie to hell and back, pulled van back down.

looking back on it, it was not the smartest choice, or even the best-and god knows lottie could have come up with a better line-but she thought it was clever in the moment, and so with a glance at natalie, then to jackie, "well, maybe your not watching the right shit, here-let me help with that.”

and with that, she pulled natalie back up to their feet and kissed them as hard as they could.

she could feel natalie's hands digging into her t-shirt, always moving, the warmth radiating off of them, and when nat leaned back into a tree, pulling lottie with her, lottie couldn't help but smile into the kiss, nat grinning right back at her.

they broke apart at van's wolf whistle, that was quickly shut off by laura lee's stage whisper of 'van! let them have their moment!'

later that night, curled up under blankets, listening to mari and gen's soft snoring, lottie pulled natalie closer to her.

the blonde was already half asleep, so lottie faced no sarcastic, half-assed protests that would only really lead to nat cuddling closer like she did every night. she only felt the rhythmic rise and fall of nat's chest and their hands wound tightly in lottie's shirt.

"hey nat?"

"hm?"

"i love you."

nat's eyes shot open, bright blue in the moonlight, staring directly into lottie's.

"......"

"you don't have to say it back-"

"do you really mean that?"

it was only her tone that made lottie hesitate. for the first time that night-even after jackie's comments, they understood but it was still out of line, even after it all-this was the first time natalie's voice was anything aside from sure of themself.

to lottie, they sounded scared, terrified that she didn't mean it and that it would all go up in flames.

lottie didn't want to hear that tone from natalie ever again, not if she could help it.

"yeah. yes. of course i do."

relief washed over the blonde, and lottie felt herself smile, grinning like she was in a cheesy romcom.

"i love you, lottie."

[wackyart]

FICS RECAP SO FAR:

I'll try to be a bit more active on there but here you go friends ! Here are the things coming soon and the ones already posted ! What's to come: - The third and last part of "the "The Gauntlet's Squad: Sickness Series" aka Din being sick and Bo and Grogu taking care of him. You can read the first and seconds parts here already ! - A Dinbo cute OS with some christmas-ish vibes/ snow and more. - A TWD (The Walking Dead) fanfic but my first chapter is like +65k and not done so I need to edit cause this can't be a chapter alone X'D This is a Negan & Maggie fic. - A TWD and D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) mash-up fic. Basically: Shane, Beth, Maggie, Negan and Daryl thrown into DND with some shenanigans and this is purely self-indulgent XDD I love this one SO MUCH- - More Armoves (The Armorer x Axe Woves) and some fluff ! - A Bridgerton fic with both Benedict and Sophie but with a twist ! _ Two linked DND fics (post-apo with mermaid zombies and all, I love this setting so much. One is basically my character's journal entry and the other is the scene/setting and plot.

What's already posted: Armoves: 1./ "Les Enchaînés", 1789 French Revolution Settings (to celebrate Armovesary this 14th of July) 2./ "Dead Men Tell No Tales", POTC Settings Armoves. 3./ "Blasters, Bedtimes, and Big Dreams", Angst but loads of fluff too !!! 4./ "A Beskar Lunchbox", FLUFF, like pure fluff 5./ "Melting Desires", Smut and spicyyyyyyy 6./ "Whispers of Change", Sweet, fluff, comfort fic with those two. One of my favs <3 7./ "From a Child's Heart", CUTE and basically Ellie making a gift for father's day and this is adorable ! 8./ "Drifting through Sundari's Heart", Pacific Rim settings and this one will be updated soon !! 9./ "Sweet Nothings", Ellie can't sleep and she comes to see him. Cute stuff ! 10./ "Heat of the Moment", Slightly spicy but nothing shameless whatsoever. 11./ "An Armor-ous Affair", Slightly spicy and first Armoves fic ever posted ! 12./ "Whispers of the Faithless", Started as a joke but hey, Armoves church sex, has been posted on a Sunday X'))) Dinbo (since this "StaraJel" insists on AO3, keeps telling nasty stuff to get some lmao + this person who told me and the Armoves squad that we needed to "put that energy towards Dinbo instead" annoy me so damn much, lemme remind you how much I wrote for them): 1./ "Of Snuggles and Squeals", Fluff and cute. Din and Bo get a cute pet and Grogu is in love with it. 2./ "Steel and Starlight", My precious baby and first Dinbo fic who just hit the +7k !! T-T 3./ "Sundari's Sunshine", Coffee Shop Dinbo AU ! Cute ! 4./ "Beskar's Tears", Uh-oh, angst but has a happy ending ! 5./ "The Warrior's Muse", Din writes poetry about Bo ! 6./ "Frostbitten Fury", Bo gets hurt and Din is here to save the day/her ! 7./ "A Mother's Love", Supernatural AU for Dinbo ! 8./ "A Gilded Cage", Bridgerton AU for them, cute and I really like this one ! 9./ "To the Edge of the World", POTC Dinbo ! 10./ "A Mandalorian Fury", Hunger Games Dinbo AU ! 11./ "Love and Broth", Grogu is sick so Din and Bo take care if that little one ! 12./ "Clinging to Comfort", Bo is sick, Din and Grogu take care of her ! 13./ "Aftermath", Shameless smut, shower sex 14./ "Patuu", Father's day for Din 15./ "Lady Kryze", Smut ahead 16./ "A Gauntlet's Night", Grogu has a nightmare and Dinbo is being adorable with him And so much more here !! Am I being salty ? Definitely. Because I hate people coming on my stuff and telling me what " I should be doing", especially when it comes to free, detailed and constant content. I have 40 fics available already and I think that's quite a lot and seeing the "you should be focus on x" instead is straight up annoying when clearly I have all of this available. So if you can't be a decent human being, feel free to fck right off. I do all of this because I want to, because I love it and I just hate seeing people (who don't even write) come on my stuff to criticize. If you want something: do it. " You are never better served than by yourself"_ Charles-Guillaume Étienne (1777-1845)

[hechangedtheworldforhim]

chain of thorns spoilers!

~

okay, my brain is still scattered after reading this rollercoaster of a book, but i need to write some of my thoughts down because i am living in denial

general thoughts:

-there was so little magnus, tragic

-there was so little of the adults too, like i know it’s not their story but we’re never gonna see them again

-all of the malcolm tda foreshadowing yikes

-audibly screamed in terror when matthew and cordelia kissed

-seriously their love triangle was just pissing me off

-thomas’ pov kept me going

-but alastair had like one short pov section? what?

-huge ari and winston stan though

-the christmas party scene with tatiana, i was actually so concerned

-low key love that it was grace who told cordelia the truth

-damn james and cordelia are crazy (horny james herondale shooting the doorknob like omg get it)

-you’re telling me esme hardcastle making up her own stories is the whole reason why this stupid family tree is so inaccurate??

-and like, now, it’s SUPER inaccurate

-if i don’t get an updated family tree istg i’m going to lose my mind

okay now onto the important stuff aka why do the lightwood siblings always have to suffer:

-literally wtf because i was seriously rooting for christopher and grace so hard?? and then he died?? what??

-he spent the whole book being his adorable little self and then suddenly he’s gone

-and NO ONE got to grieve properly

-the merry thieves are never going to be the same again, it felt like these books were built on the foundation of their friendship but everyone just moved on?

-like i seriously thought he was still alive or would be coming back somehow because it felt so rushed and improper

-no funeral, no ave atque vale, no scene of cecily and gabriel mourning their CHILD?!

-i’m so upset on his behalf, christopher lightwood you deserve the world

in conclusion:

alastair’s sarcasm was the only thing holding this book together for me, thank you

[elix8r]

never thought id do this but heres an essay on my thoughts on monkey bars 😭😭🤍🤍🤍

let me preface this by saying you did such an amazing job with this truly, you wrote so so well and i feel like you encapsulated every perfect emotion in the best way possible, and somehow it just gets better and better? i forgot how pt 1 went so i reread it before i read pt 2 and i was blown away again but youve even improved somehow ?!!? youre like the gift that keeps on giving 💋 also, thank you so so much for pushing through and writing this, i know it couldnt have been easy struggling with writers block but i hope u know we all think the world of this fic so please see the worth of your work 💗

ok now MY THOUGHTS!!! oh my lord, where to begin… first of all, same as before: from part one, i was already irked with jake when he pulled the beomgyu shit (albeit i moved on pretty damn fast surprisingly) but the cliffhanger you left us on was a game changer like he crossed the line so bad. i was conviced i would never forgive him. if someone did that to me i would have the exact same reaction as y/n tbh. anger later sad confusion panic first. and seeing the aftermath in part 2??? first of all, so glad she had such a good support system around her and people who actually put their morals first aka 02z bc u already know men irl would defend their “boys” first or whatever 🙄 hearing other girls gossip about her actually broke my heart cos if it was me i wouldve cried n had a panic attack there and then … and knowing my PARENTS know about it 😭😭😭

you wrote so well i was actually about to insert myself in NO JOKE!!!! like ok lets stray for a while but me personally i dont like “dumping” my emotions on anybody bc it makes me feel like im burdening them but when i read the scene when she went back home,, oh lord i wanted to cry in the dads arms there n then, u have a talent with words fr 🫣🫣

SORRY BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED ANNOUNCEMENT, nowhere in this fic was my heart set in stone. ok i lied. for the first 80% i was like FUCK THAT MAN HE DESERVES TO DIE IM NEVER FORGIVING YOU but then i started feeling pity too DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY YOURE AMAZING AT WRITING??? like am i throwing away my morals or am i just understanding that people are multidimensional,, woah lord,, like tbh i wouldnt have forgiven jake bc something of that scale is just not in my books, was way too extreme, but the way you wrote his character, his guilt, the actual situation??? couldnt even blame y/n for feeling sympathetic cos damn me too… i know a lot of people might not agree (especially irl. DEF NOT) but the way you wrote everything… how do you not feel bad for the poor boy 😭 in no way is y/n to blame for ANYTHING but at some point i started to be worried for jake too so i was like u know what. fine. get together with the boy. NO WAIT. idk. dont. IDK?!!!?

i think me personally, i wouldnt have been able to forgive him but i wouldve tried to move past it, despite how hard it would be. whether or not we get together would be a different question because rebuilding trust would take a lot, but,, yeah. overall i am soooo fucking satisfied with this, and the ending was so refreshing tbh!!! at first i was hoping they wouldn’t get together (literally when they kissed again i was like NOOO GIRLLLL WHYYYYY have more self respect!!!!) but after your slayful writing i was like nah u know what give them a happy ending,, n u did not disappoint,,,, i loved how it ended and that fresh start at the end was really like a breath of fresh air i have no idea how to explain it but it just genuinely did feel like a fresh start. i loved it. i will be rereading. thank you

OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE LONGEST MESSAGE I'VE EVER GOTTEN AND IM LITERALLY SCREAMING IN JOY BECAUSE OF IT!!

this was insane praise like omfg thank you so much! i always have such a hard time wondering if what i wrote is good enough to put out for you guys and to hear you say that is so meaningful to me 😭 the writer's block def was a bitch but hearing you say that you could see that I've improved makes everything worth it like i'd go through it again if it'll help me get better at writing im crying literally 🥹

so the whole time i was writing this last part i had a hard time deciding if oc should forgive him or not because personally i would never be able to but i just felt that the only way for this story to wrap up well and in a satisfying way would be if it was a happy? ending so i ended up just going with that and yes one of the main things i wanted to show was that everyone was rooting for y/n so i made sure no one excused jake's behavior

the scene where she went back home was kind of tough to write like i totally get you i get really emotionally invested even when im writing and jfc just imagining how my parents would react literally had me going through it like her dad was devastated and i think it really shows to what extent one person's actions/mistakes can effect cause this shit not only broke her down but also most of those around her so those scenes were def tough to write

but i am so so so glad to hear how much you enjoyed the ending and overall this story! you seriously just relieved me of so many of my worries regarding this story and i always feel like the best compliment is when people tell me they'll reread my stuff so thank you so so much for sending me this ginormous message and hope I'll continue to produce stuff you like! love you loads 🫶 🫶 🫶

[glaivenoct]

12,13,14.&19, if you could please?

Thank yoouuu again for indulging me friend!! ;u; <3 (Behind The Scenes Fic Questions)

12.) Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I don't know what this really qualifies under as a Trope per se, but I've always wanted to try writing a whumpy fic where Noct gets taken captive and experimented on. Experimented in the sense of trying to suppress his magic or tap into the power of the crystal or whathaveyou through Noctis. Something along those lines as long as it has to do with messing with Noct's magic/magic responses, forcing him into a constant stasis and then pushing him to the limits so to speak.

Listen. All I really want is an excuse for Noct to be strapped in a chair, barely coherent because everything is taking a toll on him. And I just want him to fucking snap because whatever test or method they try next is not only painful - but he's just so overwhelmed that it sets off some wild, magical self preservation instinct in Noctis.

He can't control it. He screams while his eyes ignite that violet color like when he summons one of the six. The lights above him and windows around him fucking shatter and short circuit. He busts out of his restraints like it's nothing. Anyone or anything in the near vicinity is absolutely fucked and terrified.

Basically, give me Noctis feral with power and the bros/Nyx/Cor having to talk him down and snap him out of it.

*coughs* So, um. Yeah what trope is that? ...is this a trope? What's a trope again, I need a dictionary lmao

13.) Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Hmm.. probably unrequited love because... I mean that's just no fun to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

14.) If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

I accepted my fate and dug my grave with Nyx and Noct years ago. There's no turning back now.

Lmao that surprises no one, SO ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS, IF I HAD TO CHOOSE ANYONE ELSE. Hmm.. I think I'd choose Merlin from bbc Merlin because I at least have someone fun and magical (and wouldn't that be handy on a deserted island) to pass time with! Aaaand.. Agent Twilight aka Loid Forger from Spy x Family. Not only am I simping HARD for the man lately, but between him and Merlin, I'd be safe as fuck. He's fucking smart and would probably have some spy connection that ends up getting us off the island anyway. And while he wait - he can make me and Merlin foooood. He'll find a way, he always does that smooth culinary fucker. I'd trust Twilight and Merlin with my goddamn life, fuck!

15.) Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

See... given that I kinda stay in my little NyxNoct corner and don't venture much into writing outside of them - I guess it's easy to say that both of them are the easiest for me to write? At the same time it's still hard because... well, I don't know if I even write them well? Don't get me wrong, I personally enjoy the way I write them, but at the same time I sometimes wonder if, despite that, I write them in a way others would consider "in character". Sometimes I think I do, but sometimes I doubt myself too. It can be a back and forth thing at times, but at the end of the day I still manage to write things I'm proud of.

Again, OUTSIDE of those two. The hardest character for me to write is without a doubt Ignis. Why? I have no clue. Whenever I look at the bros and think about writing them it just goes like this:

Noct: Yeah cool I got this Gladio: Mmm yeah I can pull this off probably Prompto: Erm, winging it but I think it'll be okay Ignis: ????

Not to talk about Cagefighter AU again but. Listen. The aside is a Monster for many reasons. I am nervous about the aside for Many Reasons. One of those many reasons for both of these circumstances is "I hope to fucking god I can write a convincing and in-character Ignis because he's a big part of the whole damn thing. Everyone start your prayer circles for me n o w."

I think for the most part I've been able to do him justice, and in turn it's starting to help build my confidence a little with writing him. But to say it hasn't been challenging would be a lie.

As always, I am doing my best ;u;

[badheart]

oh gosh, you now have ocs! so cool! Tell me what made you make them? your inspirstion? 🥰

shh don’t tell em *casually sneaked them onto my blog*  these aren’t my first OC’s tho, but definitely ones, where I finally properly rp them 🥰 but also thx to my gf, and friend - cause if I didn’t have anyone to interact with, then they would just catch dust ahaha. 

For some reason I am very interested in the Yakuza. And at this point I don’t remember fully why or how it happened. But I am also biased towards Japanese culture (but also others) cause my own is um... there ain’t much, or nothing really old that plays still a huge role nowadays. 

Anyway, with that is the base set, basically the crime scene in Japan. And I really always wanted to interact with a police themed OC (but personally I have never spotted someone, except an detective in the past, who is sadly not active anymore), cause I like when two different sides clash, considering Kugo ain’t the most good person. And there is a series called Gi.ri/Haj.i on netflix, which was about a japanese detective, who had to find his yakuza brother in london, and it was very nice to see the culture differences, the stories of the side characters, anyway this series gave me lots of inspiring content. Jiro my yakuza, is even snatched out of the series, and now filled with hc’s. Jin my police oc, is heavily based on the protagonist. 

And there was also the big desire to write more about mature / adult themes, which I don’t get to explore all with Kugo, and my friends were luckily interested too. With Jiro I can explore the gang-life or finally a more bad guy, also a toxic relationship with his ex-gf. Then there is Jin, who is overworked, a family man, but honestly close to a divorce, not every marriage is meant for forever, but neither him or his wife has fully accepted it yet. Also some police work, with which I can bug all my mutuals who play crime-themed muses. Futaba is another bias, I finally get to rp a tall woman haha, but also another cop, but this time corrupt (aka exploring also the many bad sides of the police), she is also bit of a way of coping with everything going on, as I also explore war, and political topics with her, since she is very interested in that stuff and can hold some extreme opinions. 

Anyway I got myself a bunch of flawed muses, which hold many bad but also good sides, it is a nice mix I missed seeing in the rpc, since a lot don’t explore dark themes beyond death. It offers so much to explore, but also an unholy amount of research... 

I can give an example (with Kugo), how far my interest goes with more realistic topics. Ofc I don’t expect a Shonen Manga to point out those kind of consequences (for that I have rp), but not many realize that Ichigo basically killed a human being, and while Kugo had manipulated his family and all through his friend’s help, is it still justified to take his life? Why not prison, why not just a good ass-kicking? Ideally Ichigo should have called the police, and let them handle Kugo, but he took himself the right to judge himself - committing a crime as well, which was not even fully self-defense (ofc no easy case with the supernatural parts), but Kugo originally just wanted to leave, but Ichigo insisted on getting his powers back, and revenge (after getting his powers from the Shinigami). And even when Tsukishima died, Ichigo kept going, even though there was no more any reason to fight Kugo, his family & friends were free from Tsuki’s powers. 

Ichigo really became a killer / murderer in this moment, even though no one was really harmed of his friends (just total emotional roller coaster, which ofc is not okay either, not trying to deny this here) In our world this would have meant court and everything, and then there is also Ginjo’s family, who in canon is maybe still alive or not, either way... damn. One can question the morals, the possible consequences (or lack of) quite a lot here, and I find that very interesting and love to confront other muses with it. After all, Kugo’s world still plays in our modern one, and ofc there are laws in their country, which Ichigo ignored. 

I am biased, since Tite offered only a little bit about the possible turmoil in Ichigo’s mind or what his friends possibly think of him after this event, ... fuck I sure would not take it easy if my friend murdered another human being. But again yeah SHONEN MANGA... no expectations asdfgh.

But it is definitely nice that I can touch on those topics in rp. 👀

[spacehorrors]

tma review aka I'm off the deep end this time.

you guys know where the other reviews are. if you don't drop me an ask. let's get rolling.

also I've had to adjust the structure of my normal reviews a bit because I am experiencing so many things.

idk where to start. actually yes I do I eagerly await elias' long and painful death.

top five episodes:.

E111 Family Business - immediately my favourite episode I loved it I loved hearing about Gerry and the impact the obsession with those books have on people. like the way he was marked by them right from the beginning and didn't really have a chance. excellent times.

E101 Another Twist - MICHAEEELLL I miss him so much I was actually devastated when he died he scared the shit out of me so much. just an epic character and his use of architecture to supplement his power is excellent.

E103 Cruelty Free - THAT PIG??? ough I love the Slaughter and the Hunt stuff it's so fucked up I love it so much nothing will top the first one they did but this was excellent. scary shit.

E107 Third Degree - what can I say I love trains and fucked up train stations and fire and heat. epic episode hit all my favourite things on the head.

E117 Testament - sorry this was really vying for its spot with the next episode I just had such a sense of dread listening to them.

characters thoughts

elias please die <3 slowly and painfully I hate you so much. that's it. explode and die.

jon. where do I start. I'm enjoying very much his powers and how he's using them and what an effect it's having on his sense of self. keep it up but stop getting kidnapping and being dumb god bless.

tim..... daisy...... I'm upset. I saw it coming and I thought they'd be the ones to die but I'm also caught up more in the reactions of the people they were close to. basira...... hope she's ok. tim's "I don't forgive you" line.....

martin. oh dear. um. I absolutely adored his scene with elias. yknow THAT one. was it emotionally harrowing? yes. did it create my favourite quote "I can't hear you elias there's a door in the way!" also yes. I'm enjoying his arc keep at it my guy keep with the tea!

MELANIE PLEASE MARRY ME. I am free every day of the week for you I love you I'm writing our initials in heart shaped glittery pens etc. in all seriousness she's one of my favourite characters and I hope they do more with her.

GEORGIE. another loml. as well as basira who I want to know more!! basira and daisy.... gah I'm inconsolable.

sighs. where do I start. where do I start so much has happened.

so these are my general thoughts

ok so first thing is all the different phobia things. ok when I tell you days before I had made a list of phobias to make short stories of and then I find out that that's the case for these avatars my mind was blown. it's very clever. makes a lot of sense and I love the idea of feeding them.

top ten unlikely team ups is julia and trevor damn nice!! they're hanging out and killing monsters!! um. yeah fascinating hope we find out more about julia....

I'M STILL DEVASTATED ABOUT MICHAEL. AND GERRY. MY PALS. my weird guys!! I literally miss michael so much.

tbh I have just been having a great time. just been enjoying episode after episode.

THE SENTIENT TAPE RECORDER fascinates and compels me so much I love thinking about it.

love the new focus on death and dying and zombies etc I've found that cool. 10/10 like what does it mean to build a body very epic.

my predictions

OK NO.1 PREDICTION IS THAT more of the gang are going to become hosts/avatars of the different fears. like I've got my bets on basira becoming a patron of the vast. I think they're all slowly going to see the impacts of living under the conditions of the archives soon.

dreams..... will become significant I am sensing perhaps they will all start having one collective dream.

think jon is going to be faced with a die to save the world moment. but like a proper one. a proper this is the end of the line only to be yanked back moment.

more trapped in the web moments pls.

ngl I think the next villain might be a proper serial killer. like yes most of them are but I mean hunting people down style.

this is not going to end well. like I think it will end very very tragically at this point.

episode 120

ok so I don't have the time nor the energy to dissect it but it did rule. tying together a bunch of statements and just being weird yknow. I just felt I had to acknowledge it. so glad I didn't get it and then nothing else I'm sorry to the people who did lol I would've lost my mind.

feels a bit shorter this time round but honestly I'm just tired and don't know what more to say! feel free to ask me questions about things I love answering questions <33 can be anything at all as long as no spoilers ofc!

[sie-werden-nie-vergessen]

Upcoming Works!!!

Hello everyone!! Long time, no see! Life has been insanely busy, but I have some BIG plans for everyone’s favorite Mill Valley family, as well as some general updates (hence this post). I’ve also gotten a few new followers lately (and my first anon message! Yay!), so I felt the need to give a formal update on where I’ve been and what’s in the works for my stories. So, without further ado, here’s the plan:

1. Damned to Love You: Ethel’s Chapter

 Ethel is getting her own POV chapter in The Bellows Book! While the self titled Ethel does focus on her (albeit from Ephraim’s POV), I wanted to show her thoughts and opinions on Ephraim and the entire family, and that’s something that I just can’t do without getting into her head to see things from her POV. I don’t have a timeline for when this will be written, but it will most likely be a big chapter, and it will definitely take time. I want this to be a real chapter, as opposed to the small scenes I usually post.

2. Real Chapters = A Real Book??

Continuing with the idea of “real chapters,” I’ve been debating for a long time on if I want to compile this story into its own book. Obviously I won’t be able to publish it because these characters are not my own, but I would still love to finish this story in a final way. (side note: I MIGHT be able to have this “published” and printed on demand if anyone would be interested in having a hard copy of my stories. Obviously, there would be no charge for this). I have so many ideas in my head and I think that they would all compile into an interesting final work, but I know that it will take a lot of work and I have absolutely no idea what the timeline for this would look like. I have a sneaking suspicion that this will end up becoming a lifelong task, honestly. My ideas and character lore are that detailed, unfortunately.

3. So, what comes next?

For those of you who don’t know, I’m currently a college student, which means that I’m also insanely busy for most of the week. I also work part-time, and I’m currently taking on more responsibility at work (aka less free time for writing). Yay for adulting, boo for less writing time. So, I will still update this blog as often as I can, and that also applies to my AO3. However, school comes first, and I may not post much once my fall semester starts. Don’t worry, though! I will still be writing even when I’m not posting, and I’m committed to finishing this story and doing these characters justice. 

Also, new stories are coming very soon (including one tonight!!!)