#aka i screwed around with layer types and this happened

[concert-bflat]

tomorrow isn’t anywhere.

[yandere-mha-blog]

Chapter 11: New home

Words: 2166

“Man, this mask is not cute at all.” The girl said as you looked at her 

“I think it looks fine, all that matters is that it works.” you said

“Oh look, some new friends.” She said looking at a girl with long green hair, adn girl with short brown hair, and before you knew it she was out of your line of sight and sliced the brown haired one arm, before you even knew that happened, she was fast. She grabbed the slash mask and her friend placed an arm in front of her

“Is your arm okay?” she asked “what type of person just comes swinging out to cut someone with a knife.”

“Asui and Okacho.” you said as you were still in a tree, good thing hawks taught you how to use your quirk for blimbing and packing

“Who said that?” Asui said

“How do you know our names?” Okacho said looking around

“The sports festival.” Asui said

“Correct.” you said as you looked at Toga

“To shallow not enough blood.” She said as you were kept on look out and out of sight “usually with a  good wound I can just suck out the blood, but with this it makes it so much easier, so i'm going to stab you now.”

And with that toga charged and Asui flung ocacho out of the way and right towards the tree you were in, you grabbed her by the suspenders and flung her back down before she could run down to the camp and alert the others, you had to make sure to avoid her hands otherwise you could be sent to the atmosphere and never returned

“Tsuya, I found the other one.” She said

“Aww tsuya is such a cute name, i'm going to call you that too.” Toga said pulling her mask down to give a smile

“No only my friends can call me that.” Asui said as she tried to run but toga flung a needle at her it got caught in her hair and she was pinned to a tree, ocacho made eye contact with you as you patted the sides of your belt, aka telling hawks you needed to go up, which he did, a system of touches to indicate, left, right, up or down

“Tsuya she can fly, must be her quirk.” Ockacko said as she ran to help her friend who toga was about to drain, and to your surprise she was able to take toga down, the two were having a chat, before toga stabbed her in the leg and drained her, you patted your belt and feel down and kicked Ockacko off, and getting toga back up.

“Thanks bestie.” She said as a group of guys came into view, time for you to leave

“(name) there are too many here and I don't feel like dying.” TOga said and you nodded and grabbed her and patted your belt to go up “bye bye besties- oh who is that.”

“Who is who?” you asked as you were on your way out.”

“The green haired one covered in blood and mangled.” Toga said

“Oh izuku midoriya, he destroyed himself during the sports festival, he is really strong but his quirk has a habit of destroying his body.” you said as you set her down and got the notice that The guy you had been sent to capture was good as got, you looked over at Mr, compress who had been the one to get him, then you saw hawks land in a tree and stare the kids down, he put his hand out and Mr, compress set something in his hands as the kids were yelling for their classmate back, you patted your belt and hawks sent you flying to him

“Huh where did she come from?” izuku said “hey give him back.”

“What bakugou does not belong to anyone you egotist.” Mr compress said handing you a marble

“Now which one of us has the Bakugou? That is the question.” He said and booked it, you gave hawks a look and he sent you flying in the other direction, and hawks in another one, the kids split up

“The nighthawks have to have him.” Todoroki said “he is the fastest so he is trying to get away, 

“I got a plan.” izuku said as you are sent on your way, hawks had entrusted you with tokoyami, once you were far enough you patted the belt and he let you down, you look into the marble he was passed out and asleep, you didn't feel right about this, this isn't right. You broke open the marble and The bird you saw at the sports festival was laying on the ground unconscious

“Are you going to kill me?” he muttered out

“No.” you said and patted the belt and flew off, hawks on the other hand was laughing at the kids attempt to catch up to him, he thought he would throw them a bone and slowed down, right before he crushed the marble and a giant boulder came out and the kids ran into it as they fell, hawks used his feather to stop the bolder from crushing him

“YOu are fast, but not fast enough, and you really think they would interest a free bird like me with a big stakes mission.” 

“GIVE HIM BACK.” Izuku said, hawks gave a half smile

“He is that way, hope you are fast enough this time.” Hawks said and flew off to regroup with you, you landed on his back

“We tricked em, this is all over, the portal is going to open up soon.” Hawks said “between the fire, toxic gas, a tank of a man being demolished by a teenager, lets go.” Hawks said

“What did you do?” you asked

“Eh nothing much.” Hawks said remembering how he sent Muscular over the side of a cliff after The finger destroying kid broke all his arms, before looking over to you and placing you on his back “Lets go...oh you have gotta be kidding me.”

“What happen?” You asked

“They are leaving without us...screw them, I'll find our own way home.” Hawks said before turning himself around and getting out of the training camp, you briefly heard the blood curdling scream of a student yelling for his friend.

Hawks was a master of stealth however when word caught wind that Nighthawk and “talons” as they dubbed you, what a dumb and mediocre nickname, how original. Still Hawks isn't talking much on the way back, maybe he was mad that his so-called “companion ditched him to get caught with the others that were defeated. The two of you landed on top of a building and you slid off of hawks back and looked over the skyrise.

“Alright hand him over.” Hawks said sticking out his gloved hand

“Hand who over?” you asked, you knew playing dumb wouldn't work but maybe it woudl of been better if you told hawks about your slight change in plans.

“The student, Tokoyami, the one I handed over to you for safe keeping.” Hawks said “did you lose him?”

“Of course I didn't.” you said

“Great, then hand him over.” Hawks said

“...i didn't lose him, but i did.” you gulped “I Didn't take him with us.” “Oh.” hawks said “You did what now.”

“...look It didn't feel right okay.” you said “i don't care about what this “League” is doing, but i don't want to be put under kidnappers.”

He looked upset, he looked a bit angry, then he let out a sigh of relief, putting a hand to his chest as he exhaled. 

“Ah i knew i could trust you.” he said then patted your head “

“Excuse me?” you said

“It was a test chickadee, look I didn't want to help those people, and they knew that, but if they knew i wanted to get on of the U.A kids then they would let me off the hook with all that suspension.” he said waving his hand “But they had there eyes on me, not you that much since you aren't well known, i didn't want them getting their paws on anyone but...well devil's advocate i guess.”

“So you aren't angry that-”

“Nope stop being a worry wart, but still I can tell this is going to set off something big...so how about we get out of Kamino and hang out in the countryside for a bit.

“What do you mean something big is about to happen?” you asked

“My third secondary covert is puffing up, which means something bad is going to happen, and I don't want us to be around when it does.”

“You are a very weird man, but I'll trust your gut...or feathers.” you said as he used one to tickle under your nose as you swatted it away

“Stop that.” you said

“Nah.” he said as he kept tickling under your nose till you sneezed

“Ew you got your snot on my feather.” he said, shaking it off before reattaching it.

“So where are we going?” you asked

“You will see once we get there.” Hawks said with a smile “now hope on i've had my rest hope back on.”

“Are you sure you don't want to rest for the night, you look a bit tired.” you suggested

“(name) im fine now let's get going, I don't want to travel in the morning.” Hawks said, you internally signed and hoped on his back again and the two of you were off, you wondered where he was taking you exactly.

So standing outside an old shack that looked like it was on it's last leg was a bit of surprise

“Welcome home.” He said

“What type of dumb is this.” you said

“Hey, that's no way to talk about a man's childhood home.” Hawks said moving a piece of plywood

“Childhood house?” you said as you say hawks open the door only for the door to home off the hinges, the wood was so old the screws just slipped out.

“That is easily fixed.” Hawks said “And yes this rusty old shack is where i would sleep, eat and shit as a kid.”

“Was it always this ummm run down?”

“Your harsh words wound me.” Hawks said as he used his wings to get the cobwebs dusted out, well it was Hawks you trusted him so you walked in, only for the floor bored to crash under you Hawks caught you and lifted you up and placed the piece of plywood that was covering the door on the floor

“Sorry should of warn you about that boobytrap.” Hawks said, ``We remove this plywood when we go out, or when we sleep, so if someone tries to come in, stitch to the bottom.” Hawks said

“Okay then.” you said “Any other bobbytraps I should know about?” you asked

“Hmmm there is this one bean that if you lean against will make the one above it swing.” Hawks said pointing to the beam with the “X do not touch.”

You gave him a side look and kept walking around, you saw an old tv that was covered in a thick layer of dust, you dusted that off with your hand, this palace was littered with cans, trash, dust and whatever that green stuff was.

“You really lived here as a kid?” you asked

“Well I did till my dad got caught by the authorities, then me and my mom had to skedaddle.” Hawks said

“...Where is your mom?” you asked

“Doesn't matter, I don't know, like I said she thought I wasn't worth the trouble of having around so she abandoned me on the street because the HPSC was after me.” Hawks said “Wonder how different things could've been if the HPSC did get a hold of me.”

“...well, you weren’t, why is your dad arrested anyways?” You asked as you found an old tattered blanket

“Petty thief, murder, jaywalking.” Hawks said “oh hey look at my blanket you found it i forgot about this tattered thing.”

“Oh I was going to use it as a dust rag.” you said handing it over, and Hawks tossed it to the side

“Look I know the palace sucks, but we gotta lay low for a bit okay.” Hawks said, as you patted his head

“I know.” you said “we just grew up in very different conditions yet we are in the same spot.”

“Well when you put it that way you make it seem like there is no hope.” Hawks said “I wonder if the water still works. I got to clean my wings.”

“Okay i'll try to make a bed.” you said as he left and you smacked a couch cushion against the floor trying to remove the dust before you heard hawks scream from the bathroom

“WATER WORKS BUT IT'S FREAKING COLD!” He yelled out, you gave out a tiny laugh before getting back to work.

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep13: How to Get Away With Cheating in the Card Olympics

It’s been a little while since Pegasus made a card that screwed us years after it was developed...and so it’s time for it to happen again. Good ol Pegasus, screwing us all and not even knowing he’s doing it.

First off, it took me until this episode to realize that Leon and Zigfried are German and Leon is playing a Grimm Brother’s deck. I guess I didn’t notice before now because Leon was hiding his identity. But now that I know his deck is because he’s just German it’s like...well OK. That’s kind of cute. Better than that time they had the American play a deck filled with guns.

And that actually...fully explains why they are all dressed old timey. I didn’t pick up on it until just now...they’re referencing old ass fairy tales. But wtv, I still like my reaching theories of why Zigfried dresses like...that.

PS, my twitter just notified me that lots of people are getting a ‘Hime Haircut’, which is exactly the doo that Zigfried wears this season with the cropped side bangs. And like...are we sure? I see Kpop wearing it and Tik Tok kids wearing wigs but...I have yet to see a Hime in the wild. Course I haven’t gone outside in like a year so...maybe tens of thousands of people really did do a Hime Haircut during the Quarantine.

But, damn it, I decided to look at some photos, and a bunch of them looked pretty bad, but a couple looked pretty dope, and now I’m a little bit tempted to get a Hime...but I feel like it took a decade to get out of my bangs phase and like...Do I need two layers of bangs? I have naturally straight hair, I could do this, this haircut was made for me, but...

I just don’t know if I should get a haircut that looks like I’m an anime cosplayer when I can’t back it up. Nope. Cannot get this haircut. I know this haircut was made for teenagers or artists in their 30′s, and literally no one else, but no, this will be a mistake just like the side bangs I gave myself in 2006.

(looks over at scissors)

(read more under the cut)

(get it? Cut?)

Leon recalls that his brother very nicely gave him a card, and he’s so excited to finally do any activity involving his crazy ass family, that he just blindly does it.

This entire episode is about Yami not doing a hellscape when he witnesses cheating, and like...it is S5...it’s been a little while since anyone’s done a real good cheat on him, and he opened the door to darkness, and they got devoured by their own Tamagachi. It’s been a while.

And like the curse of Episode 13 was just a theory I had--but this particular Episode 13 is probably the most tame of all the 13′s (and yet, the most un-tame of this arc, which is a pretty chill arc, overall)

Yet...while this episode still fits in with their universe because the Kaiba’s are very proud so they can’t admit their duel disk has a flaw and therefore can’t forfeit the game, it kind of stretches the imagination a bit for the sake of the plot. Straight up we have a LOT of characters in this arc and they all just stood there and watched it happened.

It could have been also because this is like...televised...that no one wants to start throwing this little boy off the nearest blimp. I just wish that was addressed in the episode, other than “listen...Kaiba must allow this card to be played...or all his Duel Disks are lies.”

His Duel Disk almost caused the end of planet Earth a few weeks back, so I think it’s fine. I think this is a negligible problem to have when your disk shoots projectiles out of each end and has sharp folding edges in the shape of a blade--almost attempting to slice your face off every time you wave that thing around.

Yes, he’s trying to restore his reputation after the whole Dartz thing...but this is like...not that bad in the scale of things that have happened in the past several seasons. Maybe it’s just the last straw that broke the camels back here? One thing too far--’your disk played a broke card, Kaiba, I am pulling my investments and I refuse to go to your theme parks. I was here when you blew up that island. I was here when your company was literally bought out by the illluminati...but if that duel disk can’t play cards correctly--we’re done here.’ And TBH...that’s a very Yugioh mentality to have.

Like remember that time that Elon musk threw a brick at one of his new weird looking cars and the windshield cracked? But he was like “Oh...that was just a...listen the windshields don’t shatter, you saw nothing.” and still released the car anyway? Was kind of reminded of that.

Now...he didn’t actually go into the Dev room, we’ll go into how the hell he got this card, but first, a visit to the Kaiba Dev room.

OOOOOOooooooooh

That’s so bright!

It reminds me of how in the 90′s, the only real thing I knew to do on my computer was change the colors of the UI, so I just used the ugliest ass UI known to man for my family’s computers. I hope these computers have a mouse that leaves a tail behind and I hope that mouse is in the shape of a flying sparkling dragon.

Anyway, Duke speaks what’s on our minds:

Meanwhile, Pegasus, watching this happen over a glass of wine from inside his bathtub at Castle Pegasus, takes one very long sip while sinking into a pile of bubbles.

Seto at first is like “I literally own this tournament so thanks for losing? I don’t know why you threw it out into the trash but thanks?” But Zigfried pressured him so hard that everyone on Earth would judge his ass, and tried so hard to change the definition of what cheating even is, that Seto relented almost as if to shut Zigfried the hell up.

Zigfried explained that, technically, it’s still reads as a legal card on the disk and isn’t reaaally against the rules. Even though the rules say it’s against the rules--what are rules anyway?

Thankfully we have the King of “I dictate what the rules are AKA the rules of the universe, which I would show you, I just don’t feel like it right now, and I’m a little worried about opening that Pandora’s box, but I clearly know the rules of this card game, as stated on this Home Depot plaque that Seto gave me after I won the last tourney.”

Leon gets pretty upset about this--not so much screwing Seto Kaiba, but over the fact his brother stole his only chance at trying to beat Yugi Muto fair and square. So, trying to retain what little card honor he has left, Leon tries to self sabotage so everyone can just go the hell home.

OK so...do you think he put a floppy disk into the paper card? Like straight up how did he do that? Feel free to post your theories because like...how do you hack a paper card? Like do we even have a canon explanation of what these cards are or what they are made out of and how they theoretically work?

Anyway, now that they’ve spent a good portion of this episode discussing if this card should or should not be played, and the ethics and philosophy surrounding that, we find out that none of this matters because Zigfried was actually just stalling.

(He hacked the card so it had a virus like straight up how did he DO that without making a new card?)

Huh.

Y’all, what if I could just delete Google?

Can you imagine?

Like I know this is a kid’s show so it follows kid’s show logic and I will absolutely allow this ridiculous master plan and I will not question it, but think with me for a sec:

What if you could just delete Disney?

Damn. That’s some Y2K scare tactics propaganda right there. That’s some good YA dystopian fiction stuff.

Yo is Zigfried the good guy? He’s not, but if this were a YA novel he would be, right? Good on him.

I...do not know how the logic in Zigfried’s brain works, but if someone deleted all the files in my collaborators company and showed up at my front door and was like “I heard you were looking for a new collaborator?” I’d stick him face first into a blank paper card.

Which is, logically, the next step to Zigfried’s plan that no one has bothered to tell him yet. You just don’t mess with Pegasus, especially after all the stuff he went though with getting murdered by Mai, and Dartz showing up, he’d be so pissed right now. He might not be technically magical anymore--but it’s clear after last season that he’s still magical enough. This is a man who’s let out into the wild maybe a couple of scary cards--but hell knows how many are buried in his huge ass castle just waiting to do a murder.

This is just Zigfried hassling a hornet and the hornets nest is like...right there.

And so next episode we are going to...destroy the card? Hell, next episode might be entirely a card game and I might only have 2 caps.

Anyway, just letting you know that I typed this last night, and then had dreams that I got a Hime Haircut and hella loved it, woke up at 5:30 AM thinking about that haircut, and have since been just...

...I mean I shouldn’t do it...I cannot give myself unironic Von Schroeder hair...

...

...but what if it’s dope though?

(and here’s the link to read these from the beginning in chrono order from S1. Wish I categorized in seasons but alas I did not have that forsight back when I thought there were only 3 seasons of Yugioh total. I have since learned.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 3

The Case of the Curious Clues

Before we start, a quick plea to Grant O’Brien: Please stop finding clues. I can only take notes so fast. You’re killing me Grant. Moving on...

We start off this episode with yet another flashback, this time to the final confrontation of Sly and his supposedly dead arch nemesis Fletcher Cottonbottom at Reichenbunny Falls (...Brennan please). Fletcher was using a local castle as a storage center for munitions but Sly tipped off the cops before they could be moved. They do some repartee back and forth before Fletcher, the madman, handcuffs them together and jumps off the edge. They hit the water but Sly is able to lockpick himself out and escape while Fletcher disappears beneath the waves. 

You know what I got from that story? No body.

Anyway, we jump back to the present where there *is* a body, Squire Badger’s specifically. Everyone in the room who isn’t a PC thinks that this must either be the work of ghosts or Mrs. M who was the only person in the room when it happened (allegedly). 

This is a crucial time for clue gathering and Brennan keeps everyone in initiative for investigative purposes. Now, *so much* stuff happens here that I’m not going to recap every single detail--just the major clues and the things that seem relevant. I’m serious, this is like the volume of info we usually get in the once per season later game lore dump ep but it’s episode THREE.

Daisy tries to find a secret door but critically fails. She clocks Gangie, a fellow criminal, and in the moment Rekha and Katie decide that they prob have worked together in the past even though they are very different kinds of criminals. 

Buck, who is outside listening to what’s going on in the room notices that his ankle knife is missing which is Concerning considering a man was just knifed to death. 

Sly has Lars guard the door (he opens it and Buck is discovered, whoops) and then rolls a NATURAL 20 plus NINE to investigate so Brennan just has to tell him literally everything. RIP to him and me. Anyway, here’s the rundown (along with some of the stuff other ppl got):

Mrs. M’s hands are covered in blood but she couldn’t have done it. Based on her personality for one and for other reasons we’ll get to.

The wound is much messier than it would be if a person stabbed themselves typically.

There is a note in Squire Badger’s handwriting that says “Sylvester Cross I am afraid” No indication of if that was the whole message or if he got interrupted (maybe Buck could figure it out with his handwriting checking skills). Daisy from across the room clocks that Sly’s name is written on the paper but can’t read the rest.

The knife is a hunting knife with a pronghorn handle--an animal not common in England but very common in Texas (and Buck is sweating obv).

There is a slight layer of charcoal type dust on everything on the big resolute desk in the room (which makes sense, ash from the fireplace) but there is parchment type dust on the bust of Barkus Aurelius (OK, that one’s good) on the table and that’s the only place that dust is. Ian later notices that the date on the bust is wrong. 

Speaking of, the desk (which we learn later was put in and taken out of storage once Loan Hall was modernized) is bolted to the ground and a lot of stuff has been thrown off it as if by a powerful force but Sly notices that it’s just the metal stuff like things made of silver or with screws. Stone things like the bust and other non-metal things have stayed put. Plus he smells ozone. This was the work of magnets, not ghosts, he concludes. And, for the record, Grant figured this out himself!

Mrs. M’s eyes are rapidly dilating. She is questioned about what happened and she says that she was told she was fired and would receive a small pension. 

(Not a part of Sly’s clue dump but Buck rolls a 24 with disadvantage to persuade everyone he didn’t do it but then 2 nat 1s in a row to see if Harding--who said he was standing outside the door--is suspect. Buck thinks he’s at most a stooge but he did roll a nat 1 so who knows?)

Anyway, back to Mrs. M. Gangie fully believes Mrs. M is innocent and scared. She doesn’t quite remember what happened for a couple of seconds in there and it’s clear this is not the first time she’s had missing time. Sly calls Longfoot (the bunny photographer) over to take a picture of Mrs. M which everyone is a little appalled at until they realize he’s making a point. When the flash goes off, she bugs out like she did in episode 1 and forgets that the picture was ever taken. Sly then has Dr. Magpie list the symptoms of epilepsy. It seems that Mrs. M had an episode triggered by the flash she mentioned seeing and then lost time. It’s possible that what she thought she saw after that she didn’t actually see.

[While Sly is monologuing this Rekha texts Brennan and gets a 17 to swipe the “I am afraid” note. Sly doesn’t notice.]

So if it wasn’t her, then who was it? There’s only one door into the study and anyone who walked in would have to have walked past Mr. Harding, Shellcrest, Calliope, and Tabitha (who is having a marvelous time being in the midst of so much drama). Ah, but who said there was only one door? Sly has Harding pull a sconce and a SECRET DOOR OPENS! Woo! Finally! It’s a classic bookshelf one that opens into the hallway and there is some extremely fine crushed glass under the door. Hmm.

Sly clocks that there is something under the desk but we don’t know what it is because Brennan texts it to him and it’s redacted. There are actually a couple of redacted texts that go around this ep so we are def missing information. 

OK, that’s more or less everything. 

Sly notices that the page is missing and Grant gasps while Rekha does an excellent job of pretending like she doesn’t even remember what paper is being talked about. Constance asks if it’s possible that Mrs. M totally made up the memory because of her epilepsy and between Dr. Magpie and Sly they determine that that’s uncommon but possible. Dr. Magpie says that everyone should leave so he and Sly can examine the body and Sly says that someone should watch Gangie at all times. 

At this point, Harding and Gilfoyle (the butler) say they should establish where everyone was at the time of the murder. A lot of the staff and guests have solid alibis cause they were in big groups/cleaning up together. But the PCs were off alone (or with each other) and had reasons to want to guy dead so they’re prime suspects. Sly even admits that he’s one too. Also everyone dogpiles Ian because Raph makes it so fun. 

Harding mentions the letter that was given to Buck (the one selling his shares in BB and giving voting writes to his rival Josiah) and asks him to read it. Buck reads it and gives a streamlined version of the truth, saying everything except for the part with the proxy vote. With a 26 he is able to allay everyone’s suspicions for now, but now he’s purposefully hidden the truth in a way that can be readily called out if anyone sees the letter or the contract which he resolves to find. 

Buster distracts the group so Daisy can “check the body for a pulse” aka: check the body for the contract. She doesn’t find a it but does find a key attached to a piece of red silk--something that would be weird for him to be carrying around instead of his valet. She figures this must open whatever locked drawer the contract is in and swipes it but Sly clocks her stealing it (his perception ties her sleathiness but an earlier Bless from Ian tips him over the edge--poetic).  

Calliope says that everyone is kinds suspect, including Sly, but *someone* has to solve this and Sly’s their best bet so everyone should just stay put and they can guard the exits. The butler says that, besides the front door, there are some towers that poke up above ground and a servant's exit/entrance by the elevator in the kitchen wing but they can lock down both and have someone guard the front doors. 

The butler is like, lmao yeah Sly I know you didn’t do it and I’m not gonna stand guard here but you know, everyone is keeping an eye on y’all. And then he leaves the PCs, Mrs. M, Constance, and Dr. Magpie in the room with the body. 

Lars is about to go watch the kitchen staff but, before he goes, Sly says to him that he saw Cottonbottom and is obviously quite scared. Gangie, who used to work for the guy, overhears and asks what’s going on. Sly assumes Gangie is playing coy but rolls high enough to know that he isn’t. He saw a starkly white Cottonbottom and one of his known conspirators doesn’t know he’s back? Perhaps it was a ghost after all. 

Case Notes

My 2 fave bits of this episode were “bad to bad bad bad” (and the further riffing) and Daisy throwing increasingly bigger books at Sly.

Even with a Nat 1, Sly gets a 16 on Investigation. Wild. 

I don’t think Rekha got enough props for her “Cross examination” line so I’m mentioning it here.

Brennan said the ozone question was still open--but I assumed it was like the electricity smell from an electromagnet. That would make sense, right? Maybe he meant they hadn’t found the source of it specifically yet?

Brennan says Buck’s knife is a pronghorn knife. I assume they’re made from the animal’s horns? Even if they’re the kind that fall off every season, is that weird? Or is it just like human hair wigs? Also, does this world have leather?

I love that the dice keep supporting the narrative that Daisy simply cannot get her shit together when she’s with Sly because he distracts her too much. Delicious. Their whole relationship is delicious. 

OK, I am a tiny bit suspicious of Calliope. It’s partially the way she took control of the situation near the end and partially the fact that she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would be involved in this which would make her heel turn delicious. No hard evidence and obv she couldn’t be the person who actually stabbed a guy but idk. Just spitballing. I’m very curious about whether we’ve met everyone we’re going to meet more or less or if there are still outside people/hidden inside people. Because, in real life, a murderer could be literally anyone but in a story, you can’t just introduce a new villain all of a sudden at the end. Bad storytelling. Weak payoff. We’ll see how things start to pan out. 

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Me, throughout the entirety of 6x05:

And I suppose I could just leave it there but NO, we’re doing a LIST. Of all the excellent things from “Prom Night!”

SPOILERS!

AV Club reviewer giving this episode the first ‘A’ of the season: :D

AV Club reviewer still insisting that “Midvale” was filler: D:<

Forever destined to disagree with the AV Club reviews in some way or another...

Okay, so! We begin with a very helpful reminder from Alex that things are different, in this Post-Crisis World!

(I mean, on the one hand, am I slightly distressed that key aspects of the Pilot and the WHOLE of “Midvale” are now gone, along with Earth-38? Yes. 

On the other, Kara remembers her lived-experiences of everything that had transpired in the Earth-38 timeline, so they still sorta happened and have informed her characterization. 

So...it’s fine. It’s fine. This is fine.)

I do love that, ‘Kara punched a meteorite out of the sky’ is now a Thing That Happened, though. 

(Well perhaps NOT ANYMORE but I’m getting ahead of myself.)

KENNY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!!!!!

“Scooby-Duo” listen, as someone who has already imagined all these kiddos in Hanna-Barbera cartoon style, running around Midvale, solving crimes and saving the day, I loved this description.

Alex being like, ‘DO. NOT. SCREW UP. MY PAST.’ ahhhhh we love to see that scary Older Sibling energy on full display.

And then Brainy and Nia are off to the past!

The only thing that could’ve made the utterance of ‘totes’ worse would’ve been the addition of, ‘magotes’. Thank goodness they exercised restraint in the writers’ room.

FORTUNATELY the terrible ordeal of reliving dated slang is offset by some truly excellent lines and line-reads throughout the rest of the episode.

For instance! Loved Brainy’s, ‘the perfect optical illusion’ and ‘off the dash, please.’ So great.

Other honorable mentions: ‘Damn it, Mitch!’ ‘That’s a LOT of exposure’ and I forget the line itself but when Cat’s like, ‘normal town my a--’ and then the cut to commercial break AAAAAHHHHHH so good.

Okay, back to the episode, Nia and Brainy, on the Legion Cruiser, AND THEN!

AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN!

OUR KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!!!!!

I love them. It won’t happen, but gosh, I want a Midvale spin-off so bad. 

Like, the Crisis retcon made some space in the girls’ past for a spin-off to actually...kinda work. 

(But sustaining the premise across multiple episodes/seasons would be tricky and there would always be the threat of running up against like. The current show’s continuity.

But hey! They could just ignore it, I guess! That’s what the Superman show is doing!) *insert frowny emoji here* 

So the kids have gathered with Alex for milkshakes, which is delightful.

But ALL IS NOT WELL! As Alex reads about the ‘luckiest town’ and is like:

(Except with a lot more anxiety and frowning)

I feel as though we already knew Alex went to Stanford but I can’t remember if Kara’s (terrible) resume revealed that she went to National City University?

*Checks* Yes it did.

Another thing I LOVE is just. Alex as the Responsible One, whose anxiety is perpetually cranked to a 9.5, driving the Scooby-Duo around in the suburban mom van for super-ing jobs.

Also, ‘super-ing’ is an excellent verb, 15/10

Young Cat Grant! ....More on her later.

Nicole and Jesse did such a great job with the comedy in this episode--their initial attempt at a cover story/lie is so good. 

And the masterful transition into an actual good lie that Nia knew would win Kara over...VERY NICE.

Kara being so obviously thrilled that there are OTHER ALIENS! WITH POWERS! HERE, IN MIDVALE! RIGHT HERE!

Fandom has ruined the whole ‘Kara has golden retriever energy’ as is their way but I must say...very much getting ‘excited puppy energy’ here. 

Nia and Kara comparing powers was so CUUUUUUUUTE!!!!

As was the picture on Kenny’s desk of him and Kara. D’aaaawwww.

(But OH NO SADNESS...BECAUSE A BREAKUP IS IMMINENT.)

Okay in addition to all of the incredibly adorable content we also get lots of FAMILY FEEEEEEELINGS, which: Yes, good, yes.

But Eliza is only here as a PICTURE on Kara’s nightstand and a NAME on Alex’s badge, I am sad. :C

(Hope Helen Slater is in this last season at some point...need that soothing mom energy after all the Phantom Zone angst)

I think I’m out of order now but Kenny wanting to help Kara help people is just. The most adorable thing. 

Spoiler alert: I use the word ‘adorable’ a lot in this list. Sorry...but also not. 

The Brainy music when he’s in the school computer lab watching the printer is really great. I think we’ve heard it before, but it meshed so well with the whole vibe of both the character and the episode, just stood out nicely, I guess.

Okay, so. Do we think that Jesse could always do the baseball bat tricks, and the writers wrote it in, or do we think that he learned them for the show? My money is on the former.

Either way, very impressive.

And now for the truck situation! I kinda thought it would turn out that it was Cat’s doing, as she was trying to suss out the ‘super’, but nope, it was the blue dudes.

(Which makes more sense, since they have no qualms about endangering other people.)

And ON THAT NOTE, the blue guys! They are the perfect level of ridiculous, and they are wonderfully straightforward in ways that the Phantoms are not.

Also, I love that one of them is named Mitch?

Nia and Kara save the day!

After Kara busts the brakes and is like, ‘uhhh....they’re not working’

I noticed the Metropolis license plate and while yes it’s a little strange that plates are...apparently city-based in this corner of Earth Prime, stranger still is that Cat presumably drove clear across the country to check out this story. Right? Like, that’s the only way she has that plate out in Midvale?

Wait, wait. Totally forgot to mention Kara and Nia’s EXTREMELY OBVIOUS ‘don’t be suspicious’ sunglasses gambit at the Midvale College campus you absolute DORKS.

Right, so.

Remember those FAMILY FEELZ??? WELL!

We’ve got Nia’s call to her mom, which, oof. OOOOOF. 

And then we have even MORE FEELINGS aka: The garage talk.

Okay. OKAY. So even though I’m a little sad “Midvale” no longer occurred in Earth Prime’s timeline, I am fascinated by the ways this new series of events have impacted Alex, Kara, and their past. (Also thrilled that Kenny lives, natch). Alex’s resentment and the burden of ‘protect Kara, PROTECT KARA’ have been left to simmer while Kara’s determination to help people has led to some...earnest but slightly careless secret hero work. The building blocks of the conflict introduced in “Midvale” are still there so while it might at first seem a little...repetitive, for Alex to lay all this out to Kara, it’s really just the reveal of a new boiling point; a post-crisis update on the scene in Midvale where Alex is like, ‘I had two parents before you showed up.’

AAAAAAAAAHHHHH IT’S EMOTIONALLY DEVESTATING I LOVE IT. 

And then like. The new, but also not-new angle, of Alex leveraging her world-weariness against Kara’s youthful optimism/somewhat reckless desire to help, and then Kara throwing BACK that she’s explored other solar systems. 

The LAYERS.

Also that Alex is like, ‘we need weapons, let’s tell mom and also call the DEO,’ classic Alex.

The garage talk ends with Kara determined to come clean to Kenny...BUT OH NO, THE HERO HIDEOUT IS SO CUTE, AND KENNY IS SO DEAR. 

And the reveal that the almost-kiss in “Midvale” actually happened d’awwwww these kids. 

Like. I am legitimately torn, here. I totally understand and support Kara in being honest with Kenny about the whole college situation--but also GAH. KENNY IS SO NICE AND CUTE AND EARNEST. 

You know what ELSE is nice and cute and earnest?

Nia singing “9 to 5″ to Brainy to cope with stress and boost morale.

Heckin’ adorable, gosh.

Aaaaaand some other stuff occurred as the episode closed out but I don’t have them in my notes and BASICALLY I want the next hour like, now. Right now. Because this was WONDERFUL. FROM START TO FINISH.

So some Overall thoughts!

I said we’d get to Cat ‘CJ’ Grant later, so here we are: I...think I liked her? Overall? It was a performance that gradually won me over, is how I would describe it.

Absolutely wild that Cat built a media empire in a mere six years. 

Also her whole, ‘I am going to find this extraordinary being and name them and kick Lois Lane into the classifieds’...I mean she eventually gets two out of three, there.

As I already started to mention, sad that Eliza wasn’t here! But it makes sense, since a lot of this, Kara is trying to keep on the DL.

Obviously, I am ALWAYS down for these flashback situations with the young Danvers. But it was also nice to take a break from the Phantom stuff. The plot here is simple/streamlined in a way the Phantom stuff...isn’t. I love the emotional character stuff coming out of the Phantom Zone arc but wow, the Phantoms are just. Needlessly complicated. 

The little episode recap where Lena is explaining that Phantom Prime is like a bloodhound was like, ‘oh right, they do that too...in addition to all the other stuff that they apparently do.’

So, yes. Welcome change.

The change of scenery + type of action was nice too!

Though RIP to everyone’s hair, fighting against the moisture.

This episode also handled the Brainy/Nia relationship really well, IMO. Like, due to the whole, ‘trying to fit so much in, always’ approach to Supergirl episodes sometimes results in a bit of...one-sidedness, for various characters. Think for instance of Kelly needing to cheer everyone on in episode 2, but not having space for her own feelings/emotional needs in that episode.

I’ve felt that a bit with Brainy and Nia thus far--one will sort of take up more narrative space, so the relationship feels a little lopsided.

NOT SO HERE! They are both going through some stuff, they are both struggling to cope, they both come to rely on one another for help. 

YES. GOOD. YES!!!!

Something I’m loving about season 6 overall is that so far, it doesn’t feel like the plot is stepping on character development too much. Like, it still isn’t a perfect balance, and some episodes manage it better than others, but compared to season 5? Leaps and bounds.

Everything was so nicely tied together and the dialogue was witty, the humor was delightful, EVERYONE WAS ADORABLE AND EARNEST AND DID I MENTION ADORABLE?* but they never lost sight of the themes and emotional through-lines and GAAAAAHHHHHH MIDVALE EPISODES ARE THE BEEEEEESTTTTTTTTT!

*Okay Alex was mainly stressed out but that’s to be expected.

TL;DR - Best episode of the season thus far? Best episode of the season thus far. 

[rhywhitefang]

for the meeeeme talk about blank rune pls

english 4 consistency lmao

Favorite character: Ugh. Difficult. Changes regularly, but the person who is consistently at the top for me is Eizwaz!Coal - they’re just so complex and interesting and have so much nuance to them. I love the way their thoughtfulness is portrayed, and hm... how many details and layers there are to the way they interact with others. I think they’re a person who turns inward a lot, hiding in their own mind - so it’s interesting to see the way they struggle with outward interactions and the... different methods they have for that. Also, I just adore their development and their journey with morality. That’s another thing - the conflict between their own personal feelings and morality, and their more pragmatic nature. 

Least Favorite character: I think it’s no secret that I just... dislike Lyn Amara. She’s just so judgmental, which is one of my biggest gripes when it comes to any character. Another thing that really bugs me about her is the fact that she pretends to be moral and care about people, but she... obviously and clearly doesn’t? This whole thing where she acts in her own self-interest 100% of the time and then convinces herself that it was the objectively best thing to do, and isn’t she just the smartest? Yeah, I don’t like it. Big ‘not like other girls’ energy...

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

1) OXYLL/FATIMA: *thinks about them for two seconds and I’m just* 

them!!!

God just... the way their goals and ideologies are so incredibly similar and yet also have major conflicts at key points. The way they both try so hard to be good and to do good and their different stances on what that means - the way they communicate with each other, the way they respect each other, the way they care about each other! The way they learn from each other... Ugh, I’m in pain...

2) RHY/PHILLIP: Do I even have to explain this one? You’ve read Isa, I mean come on! They love each other! They do! I think what I love most about them is the fact that they just... know each other so intimately and beyond all boundaries, that they drop their guards around each other. I just think that’s neat okay. 

3) TAVE/EIWAZ COAL: Now, Listen. The chemistry - it’s there. Every time they’re in the same room together and interact together, they have this stare off - it’s interesting, they’re both used to be being the most intimidating person in the room, and then they meet someone who not only isn’t intimidated by them, but is also... very much on their own wavelength? much to think about. 

4) JAKOB/ASTRID/EIWAZ!COAL: I will freely admit that none of the two people pairings in this combination work on an individual level - but as a poly ot3? transcendent. 

5) KAIN/MIDAS: hey, bro, what if we nourished a life-long rivalry and encouraged each other to do better and shaped our own lives around impressing each other??

Character I find most attractive: Man, I don’t really know. I’m not actually attracted to any of the characters like that. 

Character I would marry: Astrid, hands down. Objectively the best marriage candidate in the cast. 

Character I would be best friends with: Ingwuz!Coal is a fucking sweetheart and I love them. But considering my actual IRL best friend and some glaring similarities... I would be amiss not to name Eiwaz!Coal at this moment.

A random thought: Liam is literally a type of fae, and I jus think that's very big brained of me

An unpopular opinion: ...The fuck is an unpopular Blank Rune opinion? Did you just give me the power to start the first ever discourse? That’s so much power...  I think Lexa should be allowed to kill people, as a treat. 

My canon OTP: Rhy and Phillip :) They’re as canon as it freaking gets!

Non-canon OTP: Oxyll/Fatima hasn't been confirmed as canon YET, do they count?

Most badass character: I know you expect me to name that guy who holds a sword a lot (dw i still love him), but I genuinely think that the most badass and strong character of Blank Rune is actually Fatima. She knows what it’s like to sacrifice everything for her principles, and her discipline, willpower, and perseverance is actually incredible. 

Pairing I am not a fan of: The thing is - I like all canon pairings... and I have no problem with any pairing the fandom brought forth. So my dislikes are just... hypothetical things I don’t want to happen? aka pls don’t ship esca with anyone, and also, please don’t ship the coals together. 

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): #justive4killertomato

Favourite friendship: the entire eiwaz group, including Kain - i just... love them a lot. They feel very much like a found family and they’re just something so warm and lovely in the way they interact together. 

[lesbian-and-alone]

I had a Villainous dream last night

And this is the Fanfiction based on that dream. Enjoy!

It started with a large, haunting mansion in the countryside. It was far out in the country, and the house only had one neighbor.

Soon a scientist (aka Flug before the paper bag) moved into the mansion so he would have more room for his inventions. He didn't necessarily like the neighbors, they were just loud and partied a lot with there out of town friends. They didn't seem like the type of people who could afford the place.

Once Flug was moved in, strange things started to happen. He would see demonic shadows, things would move, bluprits shreaded. He knew it wasn't natural. But, so far, all of these seemed to just be minor inconveniences. Well except the blueprints. He memorized them and could remake them easily, but that pissed him off.

The reason Flug never tried to leave was that the entity fascinated him. But Flug made a rule. In the long red corridor, on the opposite side of the house on the third floor, there was an iron door. Flug explored every inch of the house, except there. Every time he ever went near there, he would be clawed and attacked by invisible forces. Preventing him from getting closer. That must have been the creatures layer, so he stayed away.

After a while, he started sitting on his balcony to think. The countryside was lovely, and Flug had to admit. His neighbors could be amusing sometimes. He would. Normally see them partying and celebrating near the pool, or inside, enjoying a barbeque. It was almost always the same 4 sets of cars full of people at the party. Most of the cars were trash, but most were. fancier. They all seemed to have fun and get along. And Flug thought it was amusing to watch their shenanigans every once and a while. It was better than the chanles he had on TV.

One day. 5 more cars pulled in, late to the party. They were nice black cars with tinted windows. Flug didn't recognize anyone who got out of the cars. Most of them were wearing tank tops and jeans, some had tea shirts and sweets. There was only one man there who dressed nicely. He got out of the car in a full black suit. 3 very large and vicious looking dogs had also gotten out of the car with him. Flug got a bad feeling and got out his phone to call the police. Even if they were too far out in the country to actually get some police here anytime soon.

Flugs heart dropped when the suited man, assumably the leader, motied something and everyone pulled out guns.

Flug knew the neighbors had children... And this wasn't good. They looked like a gang. They probably were one. And they wouldn't attack someone for no reason. So the man who owned the house must have done some gang work to get the money to bye the place. This was bad. And it only got worse.

One of the gang members saw Flug on his balcony. On the phone. Almost Immediately three armed men and one of the monster dogs quickly made their way over to his house. Flug bolted. He needed to hide. He knew it wouldn't work. Even if he did hide, the dog would sniff him out.

He could have used one of his inventions to defend himself, but all of the ones that he could use to defend himself were locked up on the first floor. He was on the second. He needed to make it to the attic. Now.

He ran, moving anything he could to make it harder for them to get to him. It wasn't going to help much, but it was something. Then. The sound of glass breaking. And a howle. Did the dog jump through a window? Flug pailed. And ran. He had to get upstairs. But the stairs were so far away! Why was this house so big! He could hear the dog get closed...and closer...and he finally made his way to the stairs when he herd a crash behind him. On reflex he turned and then-

Large claws were met with the right side of his face, nearly blinding his right eye. Then it pounced on top of him. Flug did his best to hold the beast off, but his attempts were futile. This was it. This was how he was going to die. Being mauled to death by an overgrown mutt.

And then he saw it. The demonic shadow that has haunted this mansion for years before he moved hear. Was it hear to watch him die? If it was, then why did it look angry? The shadow raised what seemed to be its hand, and swiped down. Flug squeezed his eyes closed as he heard a whimper and felt something fall limply on top of him. He opened his eyes to see that the dog was dead. The entire right side of his face was shreaded.

Well, an eye for an eye.

Flug quickly pushed the beast off of him and ran up the stairs. He started to bead for the attic stairs when claw marks were suddenly scratched into the wall, cutting Flug off. It was the shadow. Did he not want Flug to go that way? The shadow made a vague gesture to Flug. Did he want Flug to follow him?

Flug heard gunshots. And they were close. Way to close for comfort. Screw it. He would rather follow this eldrich demon looking ass than get shot any day.

He ran, following the demon through every twist an turn he took him through. Then he froze. It was the crimson hallway. The shadow wanted to follow him through the door and into the den of the creature who claimed this house. Should he? The shadow was inviting him, right? This should be fine? Right?

Flug started to cautiously walked towards the door. The shadow was gone, and the air was getting thick. He got closer and closer, and no invisible forces have attacked him yet. So he continued. Closer and closer until he made it to the door.

He lightly knocked on the door, and it swung open. He was about to head inside when he heard a gunshot. A loud one. And pain spiked through his shoulder. He couldn't help but scream out in pain. He felt something grab him and yank him into the room and he herd the large iron door slam shut.

Flug gasped at the pain and looked around the room. It wasn't a room. It was a hallway. Nearly identical to the previous hallway he was just in. Almost. Identical. The walls, instead of being crimson, were a dark grey, almost black, and had a lighter grey pattern of skulls. The floor, instead of the brown flooring was white wood with a dark purple carpet. All in all, very visually appealing.

"You're not supposed to to be heard." A voice behind him stated angerly. Flug quickly turned to give an apology, but he froze at what he saw. It was a man. But it wasn't a man. Was it a demon? Before he could ask, the demon spoke up again. "What on earth happened to you?" He questioned. If Flug wasn't in shock, hed almost mistake the demos demanding expression for one of annoyance and concern.

"D-dog," Flug sputtered out, "Neighbors. Gang fight. Atack dogs."

The demon looked. Mad. Very mad. "And you got caught in the middle of this?" He asked. Flug nodded. "Fine. Ill help you. Under one condition." He stated. Flug looked at him, curious about what it would be. "I'll help you. If. You agree to be mine." Flug looked shocked. There were so many things that could be narrowed down to. But what confused him was why the demon wanted him. He tried to ask but he was losing to much blood. He felt as if he was about to faint.

Flug nodded. In an attempt to get an answer out before he fainted. But that wasn't good enough. The demon grabbed his face, forcing Flug to look directly at him. "I need a verbal answer, doc. Tell me, will you be mine. Only mine." He demanded. Flug tried, but he was close to passing out. He couldn't. "Come on, doctor. You can do it." He said, a sly tone in his voice. After a moment of trying, Flug managed to wine out.

"Y-yours. Only yours."

Befor he passed out.

[daresplaining]

Daredevil Countdown: 8 Days

Trailer #1 Analysis

    We barely had time to recover from Iron Fist Season 2 before Netflix started dumping Daredevil content on us, and it’s been tough to keep up! We were away minding our own business at NYCC when this trailer dropped, and we’ve only just started to pick through it. There are some major revelations in this thing, which I’m very excited about. There are also a few scenes excerpted here that we saw in their entirety at NYCC, so while I’ll try to keep spoilers to a minimum, expect some minor ones.

    Is it geeky to get a kick out of Matt saying this? Because this makes me really happy. He has spent so much time struggling with his superhero identity that just hearing him call himself Daredevil is thrilling. Also, the background seems to suggest that he’s in the church, and may therefore be saying this to Maggie... which is good, because in one of the scenes we saw at NYCC, she called him “the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen” and I nearly pitched a fit. 

    We saw this scene, so I won’t go into details... beyond saying that it kicks off what sounds like will be an interesting (read: upsetting) relationship between Fisk and the FBI, and as well as Fisk’s manipulation of the justice system and the city as a whole this season. He is getting out of prison and aiming to reclaim  his throne, and this trailer gives us hints of some of the pawns he will be using to make that happen. 

    Hey look, it’s Rosalie Carbone!

    And we’ve mentioned it before, because it’s been in a bunch of the promos, but it’s great to finally have Fisk in his comics-accurate white suit! He looks great. 

    We’re also finally getting Sister Maggie! In the comics, of course, Maggie is Matt’s long-lost mother. In the show, we know that she works at the orphanage where Matt ended up after Jack’s death, and that she will be providing him some degree of emotional support (not to mention medical help...) following his near-death experience under Midland Circle. Their relationship is very strange, and in the comics they’ve spent a long time trying to negotiate their dynamic. They go back and forth on their degree of emotional closeness (depending on the writer), and while they will likely never have a parent/child relationship in the traditional sense, they do hold deep significance in each other’s lives. Whether that will become true in the show remains to be seen, but at the very least, Maggie will clearly act as a confidante for Matt during this difficult time. 

    This is one of several highly intriguing interactions between Matt and Fisk in this trailer. The surveillance is particularly interesting. It ties into the suggestion later in the trailer that Fisk will develop some control over media surveillance (in the comics he buys his own radio station during Chichester’s run). It also gives me a small amount of hope that we might get expert media manipulator Jonathan Powers (AKA the Jester) in the show, because that would be really cool. But why is Matt in a doctor’s office in a suit? The framing of this scene is great, and I really need to know what’s going on here. 

    Matt channeling that Stick vibe is something I never knew I needed. And this is another intriguing interaction between these two. What is the context here? For now, I love how cocky Matt sounds in this clip. Clearly, his spirit has not been broken (yet?) by this point. 

    At NYCC, there was some mention of a scene that would rival the hallway scene from Season 1. This may be it. I’m already pumped about this, because I love when Matt fights in civvies! If I were to guess what was going on here, I’d assume these are prisoners in Fisk’s pocket who have been instructed to take Matt out. This has serious “Devil in Cell Block D” (a story arc in which Matt is sent to prison) vibes, and that is very exciting. Whether or not the actual story draws from that arc, just a reference to the tone or basic concept would be awesome. 

    After two full seasons of teasing, we’re finally getting a Gladiator origin! Back in our Season 2 countdown, I wrote a post detailing Melvin Potter’s story in the comics, hoping that it would be adapted soon. The show has already laid down several key elements of his character: his vulnerability (particularly in regards to being manipulated by the people around him) and the tug-of-war between his gentle nature and his capacity for violence. In the comics, many of Melvin’s most compelling stories cover this struggle, as Matt and Betsy Beatty (Melvin’s social worker-turned-girlfriend) attempt to help him suppress the dangerous, out-of-control side of himself. As we see later in the trailer, Fisk is going to start using Melvin for his own ends again this season, thus pushing him to protect himself and Betsy by becoming the Gladiator. 

    Yet another oddly candid moment between Matt and Fisk. This is so uncanny that I almost wonder if it’s a hallucination. It’s also worth noting Matt’s lack of sunglasses in these scenes. In both the comics and the show, the glasses serve Matt as a type of mask, and his scenes are given an added layer of intimacy and exposure when he takes them off. Regardless of context, it’s clear that Fisk will be seeing Matt this season at his most vulnerable, with all facades and pretext removed. Which brings us to that quote... 

    Get excited, because it looks like we’re finally getting some big deal Daredevil Secret Identity Shenanigans(TM)! Matt having his secret identity exposed is a longtime Daredevil tradition; such a pervasive plot point that even Matt has begun joking about it. 

Daredevil vol. 3 #7 by Mark Waid, Paolo Rivera, and Javier Rodriguez

    Going all the way back to the Mike Murdock Saga in the 60s, Matt has struggled with keeping his double life hidden-- a surprisingly challenging task for a blind guy without outwardly obvious superpowers. Ben Urich figured it out through research and deduction, and while he has remained loyal in keeping Matt’s secret, a fellow reporter once nearly stole his notes and made them public. In “Born Again”, the Kingpin found out and used the information to ruin his life. Later, one of the Kingpin’s underlings sold the information to the FBI, which then made its way into the newspapers. Recently, with his secrets being used as blackmail, Matt decided to make his identity public. He has gone to extreme lengths over the years-- faking his death, lying under oath, creating various alternate personalities-- to protect his dual identity, and the thought of seeing him finally faced with this same challenge in the show is very exciting.

Melvin: “I don’t like it. I know who you work for, Felix. And the Kingpin is never up to anything good.”

Felix: “What is there not to like, Potter? You construct costumes. I am heretowith commissioning from yourself a costume. Said costume being one you are infinitely familiar with-- during such time frame as before you did renunciate your status as a prominent member of the criminal class to open this shop within which we now converse. Speaking of this most neatly custodiated establishment, we will summarily execute its premature demolition-- not to mention the removement [sic] of your most valued body parts-- should you perchance fail to render unto us a perfect duplicate of the uniform of a certain Man Without Fear.”

Daredevil vol. 1 #230 by Frank Miller, David Mazzucchelli, and Christie Scheele

    As we know, that’s going to be Bullseye’s costume. This is a combination of two plot points: one from “Born Again” (above) in which Fisk commissions a DD suit from Melvin to give to a convicted murderer, who he sends to kill Foggy, and one from Nocenti’s run in which Bullseye himself runs around causing chaos as Daredevil. 

    As indicated above (and just like he attempted in Season 1), Fisk is out to ruin Daredevil (and maaaaybe also Matt Murdock?)’s reputation, even more than Matt might manage all on his own.   

    This is a terrifying image, because it brings to mind Karen’s funeral in “Guardian Devil”. But a bunch of the people in the audience are smiling, so hopefully not...  

    ...Unfortunately, they’re still screwed. Bullseye in the church is both a “Guardian Devil” reference and (even better) a movie reference!

    We were shown this scene at NYCC, and it is awesome! I can’t wait for everyone to see it, so that I can talk about what makes it so great. It’s an absolutely killer fight scene that emphasizes just how intense Bullseye is as an opponent when handled well. And I’m not going to spoil this moment in particular... All I’ll say is that it’s something we’ve all been waiting for for two damn seasons, and when it happened at the panel, the whole room screamed. 

    *Cough* Don’t worry, that’s not Bullseye. 

    Also, there is not nearly enough Foggy and Karen in this trailer. 

Bullseye: “Yup! I’m Daredevil now. I wonder-- it’s been easy to play the bad guy-- maybe too easy. Be kinda fun to play the hero. After all, I am Daredevil!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #290 by Ann Nocenti, Kieron Dwyer, and Steve Buccellato

    As mentioned above, Bullseye will be prompted by Fisk to run around as Daredevil, ruining Matt’s reputation. Both actors have talked a little bit about Fisk’s manipulation of Dex, and the fact that this will play a large part in the latter’s turn to villainy. In the final arc of her run, Ann Nocenti penned a story in which Bullseye and Daredevil switched costumes, resulting in an intense exploration of villainy and heroism, and of their bizarre relationship as nemeses. In the show, it should be fun-- and probably a little horrifying too-- to see how this jumbling of identities affects how Matt and Dex see themselves and each other. 

    T-minus one week!

[transformationstuck]

Transformation Stuck story entry, original script continuation.

(Well, I’m not sure how good I am at this, but here you go, sorry for whoever has to read it.)

The Costume Designer - AKA - One voice inside the Courtyard Droll’s head, there are a lot of us in here.

Thinking about how to go about this, there are many possibilities a savvy dresser could take to be made less powerful. Of course the obvious springs to mind, the best way to be made powerless is to lose power! What better way than with one of those quite infantile garments human infants wore. Typing up the code rather quickly and sending it through in a matter of moments. Of course there was no way to know if this would even work but even if it didn’t that just meant more opportunities to mess around with such a fine specimen of garment creation.

Be the Sexy Nurse

Suddenly as Jade was stood over Dave something strange happened. Her outfit changed in an instant like it had before, but not of her own doing. Dave stared in shock as the clothes practically vanished off of Jade’s body, leaving the girl completely naked, except for one thing. Though Dave was far more concerned with the fact that those ample breasts were now completely staring right back at him, as if they could see right into his soul.

A cloth diaper was wrapped around Jade’s waist, a plain white garment with layers of thickness that forced the girls legs apart and was held together by safety pins. Of course Jade immediately felt several things, firstly the distinct lack of clothing was quite apparent. Quickly moving to cover her breasts so she wouldn’t be exposing herself like this.

“What?!” was all Jade said in her own confusion.

It occurred to Dave that he probably shouldn’t continue to stay. He had no idea what on, any world, was going on at the moment, but something told him Jade might appreciate if he wasn’t there to witness it, hell, he didn’t think he could stand to witness anything more than he did them both a favor and seemed to just vanish in the way only one with time based powers could. Jade barely even noticed Dave was missing as she looked down to see a diaper. A diaper. Something must have gone wrong because she didn’t put that there, and it seemed like she couldn’t get rid of it either, but aside from the lack of clothing the only thing it seemed to be hurting was her pride. But boy was she wrong. The sexy curves she had as a nurse were quickly fading away. Where her arms had once been keeping her breasts in place as she covered them, now they were covering nothing as her breasts shrank down completely. Her chest was as flat as a board. It didn’t stop there though as she felt one of her legs buckle, then the other, shaking like noodles her legs quickly collapses under her own weight as she fell to the ground, landing on her padded caboose as any muscle her body had seemed to be turning to fat. She had gone from curvy, to flat, and now had accumulated an amount of fat all across her body, pudgy arms and legs dangling from her plump torso as even her face fattened a bit.

Of course she tried moving her limbs, but not only did she find the remaining muscles she had been ill suited to picking herself up, she oddly felt as if she couldn’t quite control herself as much. Jade had to focus greatly to stop herself from being distracted by the increased sensitivity she was feeling against her skin, the grass practically tickling her as her skin simply sat against it. Of course she realized that a diaper could do nothing positive for her and only served to weaken her mind and body! She needed to fix this as soon as possible, if only Dave hadn’t disappeared she could have had him go find out what the problem was. As it stood she rocked herself forward, on her hands and knees she began to crawl back. As long as nothing else got in her way she’d be fine to make it back, though after crawling about fifty feet she felt something horrible.

The urge hit her like a rhino riding a skateboard as Jade felt her bladder was suddenly fit to burst. Spurred on by desperation, Jade crawled like mad to reach her destination before she really soiled her pride. Of course it would possibly take ages to get back at this rate, but what other choices did she have? Other than banking on a more beneficial malfunction.

Be the Courtyard Droll

It had already been about ten minutes or so, but there didn’t seem to be any noticeable effects of what he had done. He had expected the machine might alert him of what was going on or have some sort of display to view, but no such thing appeared. All things considered perhaps something else could be done? Would it not be even more confusing to be thrust into many negative situations? Of course it would! This totally wasn’t an attempt to screw around more with the machine to satisfy his own curiosity. Though unable to think of anything more worthless than the garment he’d already come up with, he simply typed in a few random things to see if that would cause some kind of commotion. Be the Helpless Baby

What had once propelled Jade to crawl even faster along the ground was now bringing her to a snails pace. She had learned quickly that frantically scampering on all fours across the ground wasn’t helping her situation at all, and so a slower approach had to be taken. But going slow only accentuated her lack of balance and motor control which caused her to veer off and come close to toppling over. Though suddenly her clothes changed one more. Gone was the cloth diaper, replaced by something far better in her eyes. She had an actual skirt on now, not just any skirt though, the skirt was striped vertically with the colors black and yellow. There was also another welcome addition, a shirt! Though it fit rather tightly over her fat body, the shirt had no sleeves and was striped in a similar pattern to her skirt. Though she still didn’t quite feel completely covered, turning her head she saw that the shirt had a large hole on the back, an oval reaching from her shoulder blades down to just above her tail bone. Though this outfit seemed to be lacking two other important things, a bra, which was of little concern at the moment, and panties. Running her chubby, fingers, which were quickly losing their chub, over the shirt front, she found the material to be quite fuzzy. In a few short moments the flab all across her body had slimmed down, her muscles coming back and her body type returning to normal. Though she seemed to be about a foot smaller than she normally was, and her breasts, while now existing, were practically just small lumps on her chest. Like someone had put pancakes there. Picking herself up off of the ground as thankfully that dreadful need to urinate had gotten manageable as she changed, it didn’t even feel like a problem now, though as she stood there she noticed the final additions. She had hardly felt anything, just twin pricks snapping at her upper back, and on the top of her head. Turning her head once more Jade saw she had sprouted a pair of translucent insect wings. Like that of a wasp or a honey bee, and looking up informed her of the antenna she now possessed.

“Alright, this is pretty neat.” Jade stated to herself as she tried using her new wings.

Much like the bumble bee, it was a mystery as to how she was even able to lift herself off the ground with these wings, much less high into the air. It didn’t take long before Jade was zipping back through the air without a care in the world. Though as she flew she spotted something on the ground, instantly it caught her attention, distracted she flew down to the ground quickly, landing mere inches away from a small yellow flower. Leaning down Jade pressed her nose right against the buttercup on the ground. Inhaling deeply, Jade’s eyes rolled upwards as the flowers scent was practically intoxicating. Though it was only a few moments before she was in the sky again, and then another few moments before she was stopping to smell a lily, and then a posy, and finally she stopped at a red rose, and as she smelt the aroma wafting off of the flower she felt her loins heating up in such a frustrating fashion.

Reaching her hand underneath her skirt, she was mildly surprised at how moist she had already been down there when she plunged her fingers deep inside. Getting to her knees and then lying herself down on the grass, she continued to slide her fingers in and out, it wasn’t long before her entire hand was in there. Panting and drooling as she kept at it with such ferocity, turning her head at just the right moment and taking a deep whiff of that beautiful red rose right next to her, eyes practically white as they rolled up into her skull as the sensual aroma of the flower pushed her over the edge and she let out a loud gasping moan as she felt her hand and wrist getting soaked as her own fluids sprayed out onto the grass. Moments later Jade was out, head lolled to the side with her tongue dangling out of it, sprawled out on the ground as the antennae on her head occasionally twitched and bobbed.

Be the Courtyard Droll

At this time he was satisfied with his work, he had spent a suitable amount of time messing with things and assumed his actions had been enough to derail the girl from being able to stop Jack at whatever he was doing. He strolled along with a spring in his step and a remote in his hand. A remote that would let him mess around with the machine whenever he pleased, providing no one ever found

[wordcreatr]

Like a lot of people, I’m never satisfied with my weight. Whether I’m gaining it or losing it, I never end up completely satisfied with the result. I think that dissatisfaction stems from the fact that I don’t magically transform into some young, good-looking buff dude.

As many of you know, I went to the UK in May to attend my cousin Liam’s wedding. Months before I left, I decided I didn’t want a repeat of my last visit — this time I would show up in somewhat reasonable shape. Okay, that’s kind of a misstatement because I don’t work out at all, so “in shape” is a wistful dream rather than a goal. While showing up sculpted like Chris Hemsworth would have been ideal, showing up and not looking like 190 pounds (86 kg) of chewed bubblegum seemed slightly more attainable.

Thar She Blows!

Last time I went to the UK in 2017 to kick off The Year of Sean, I arrived in Blighty the heaviest I’d ever been. (A slowing metabolism, no willpower, and two years of working in a corporate office with a serious snacking culture will do that to a person.) While in the UK, I didn’t help matters by pigging out like a hunter-gatherer trying to build up a layer of fat for the lean times. I eventually tipped the scales at a somewhat portly 196 pounds, well above my ideal fighting weight. (This might not seem like a lot, but remember, I was the kid nicknamed Stick Man. And while I did go on numerous 5-mile walks in the English countryside during my month-long stay, I also ate and drank everything in sight. I’d like to say it was a wash, but it wasn’t.

My face was looking a wee bit round in 2017.

Slimming Down

After I returned home to the States in 2017, my weight gain bummed me out, but I did nothing about it. Until one day, as I was minding my own business, the Houseguest observed I looked pregnant. (By the way, God help me if I ever made the same comment to her — just saying). Now, it’s one thing to think you’re fat but a whole different ballgame to have someone confirm it for you. I’d seen the photographic evidence from my vacation snaps, but that was easy to rationalize: “Oh, it’s a bad angle” or “I’m just not photogenic.” But the sad truth was I was overweight (and unphotogenic).

So, in a rare moment of determination, I lost weight and ended up dropping 27 lbs in a couple of months.  It happened so fast, it surprised some people. So, what was my secret?

So if I join, I get my ideal weight and unlimited power, right? I don’t have to do anything weird, do I?

Still waiting on the unlimited power.

No, no, I didn’t actually join a cult or make a deal with the devil (believe it or not, I was a groomsman in a Halloween wedding).

To lose weight, I just had to get motivated. And my top motivator was never hearing the Houseguest refer to me as being-with-child again. I also relied on intermittent fasting (or laziness-induced starvation as it’s more accurately known). Working from home as a freelancer and part-time Uber driver, I just didn’t eat often during the day. Also, my income fluctuated wildly, so I cut expenses by eliminating fast food. And though I like to socialize, I also avoided going out to dinner with my friends because they like to eat out. A lot.

Another change was to follow the Houseguest’s dietary suggestions (more protein and fiber; fewer carbs). Veggies are cheap, so I made a lot of salads and threw cheese and pepperoni on them and had the occasional naan bread. Instead of cookies and potato chips, I snacked on crackers, cheese, pepperoni, and apples. I substituted a spoonful of peanut butter drizzled with honey for sweet stuff. Oh, and I became a reluctant walker in the desert evenings. What can I say? It all worked and I quickly dropped to 169 lbs (76.6 kg), which turned out to be a bit too thin. Getting skinny when you get older just makes you look gaunt.

Maintaining my weight gets harder

During the year after I slimmed down, my weight fluctuated by a few pounds but remained fairly stable around 175 lbs.

When I abandoned freelancing and joined an agency, I faced the common hurdles of an office environment like Bagle Monday; Donut Thursday; free pizza; copious snacks. The caloric assault was nonstop and my weight started to creep up.

When I got the invite to my cousin Liam’s wedding, I was up to 181 lbs. Originally, I wanted to defy time by losing weight and getting in shape so I looked younger. Instead, I compromised with myself and settled on a more attainable goal — fitting into my wedding clothes without the button on my pants screaming for help as it held on for dear life.

Trying to go on a diet; Houston, we have a problem

So, I did all right maintaining my weight — until about a month before my departure when my efforts started to go off the rails. It’s ridiculous, I know; I was almost to the finish line. I have no excuse other than moderation and willpower are alien concepts I am unable to truly embrace.

A delicious calorie bomb at the Cornish Pasty, one of our group’s go-to places.

The slip-ups kept piling up. Going out for too many high-calorie dinners with my buddies or going out for lunch at work and ignoring the sensible salad I’d brought from home. Even worse, the special events started to pile up as invitations came in for BBQs and birthday parties and celebrations with family friends, etc, etc. And despite my conviction to show restraint, every one of them turned into a gluttonous Roman feast where I gorged myself — the only thing missing was a slave feeding me bonbons while I reclined on a couch.

Eating like a big leaguer

The low point in my gluttony occurred when Fox Sports Arizona invited our agency to watch a Diamondbacks’s game in a corporate suite with an all-you-can-eat buffet spread. In an effort to avoid traffic (which turned out to be nonexistent), I arrived forty minutes before everyone else. With time to kill and no witnesses to bolster my accountability, I attacked the unattended buffet of unhealthy ballpark food with all the gusto of a vampire on the loose at a hemophiliac convention.

Mine! It’s alllll minnnnnne!

After everyone else arrived, I played it cool and pretended I hadn’t eaten, then gobbled my way through seconds and thirds, drank beer, had some (several) dessert(s) and topped it all off with a healthy serving of self-loathing. I spent the rest of the game making small talk and feeling uncomfortable because I’d eaten too much.

The closer my departure date got, the more demoralized I became. It reached a point where I was afraid to get on my scale. It had become an unwelcome prophet of doom, reading out its digital prediction that my fatass wasn’t going to fit into my wedding attire. Then I had a moment of panic when right before I departed, I discovered that a ravenous moth had infiltrated my closet and eaten holes into my backup plan — a pair of out-of-fashion trousers with cuffs and an expandable waistline (basically, a dressier version of fat pants). Shit.

I’m a weak, weak man

No, I didn’t eat them all — just the big one.

During my month of pre-vacation weakness, one thing I kept craving was a Dairy Queen Blizzard. For my international readers, a Blizzard is a type of tasty soft ice cream treat that is available with multiple ingredients and is roughly about a million calories. Against all odds, I managed to avoid giving in — for a while. Numerous times, I was about to head over to DQ when I’d miraculously regain self-control. Then about a week before my flight, I finally succumbed. My thinking went along the lines of ‘What if the plane crashes? Skipping that Blizzard won’t have mattered.’ I couldn’t beat that logic.

As I drove over to DQ, I told myself I’d only get a mini Blizzard or maybe a small one; definitely not a medium. But I’d been denying myself so long, I caved while ordering at the drive-thru and got the largest Blizzard that DQ offered. On the way home, I told myself I’d only eat part of it and then finish the rest up over the next two days. But after eating a sensible amount, that delicious, icy siren kept calling me back to the fridge for another spoonful. Forty minutes later, I had vanquished the Blizzard. That was 1400+ calories on top of everything else I had eaten that day. My lack of control left me ashamed. (But that Blizzard was so worth it.) 

The league of chubby fellows

By the time I arrived in England, I weighed six pounds heavier than I wanted to be. Luckily, I still fit into my wedding clothes (barely) but I didn’t have much wiggle room left in my waistband. Problem was, I had six days to get through until the wedding. The last two visits I stayed with my Aunt Bernadette, where healthy eating and portion control are the norm, which counterbalanced all the excess I experienced hanging out with my cousins, the Dillons. This time, however, I would be staying at 22 Kings Lane (Dillon Central) where food is abundant and self-control is in short supply. I knew I was in trouble.

22 Kings Lane

Now, my uncle, Daddy Bernard, eats sensibly. However, his five sons can put the food and beer away. However, some of them still play sports weekly to maintain their physiques. Only my cousin Bernie (aka Little Bernard, Young Bernard or Big Bern) lives at 22 Kings Lane, but the rest would be around regularly to see me. Bernie moved in temporarily after surgery for a badly broken leg and hasn’t left yet. He can eat with the best of them and is also a connoisseur of lagers. Always a solidly built fellow, he used to play rugby, but isn’t quite as active after the broken leg and has put on a few stone. 

Brief aside: I don’t know why the Brits still use stone to denote weight — seems even more quaint than Americans using pounds. For those of you unfamiliar with this unit of weight, a stone is 14 pounds. Any time someone mentions their weight in stone, smoke starts coming out of my ears as I try to do the conversion in my head. Okay, back to our regularly scheduled post.

I had one week to go before the wedding. Basically, I was screwed.

Let the contest of wills begin!

Sure enough, the first day there, Bernie, Daddy Bernard, and I ate out at a rock and roll pub owned by this guy named Mick. (Mick may or may not be a gangster; he is the only British guy I know who’s been shot). The Turkish cook made me a giant chicken burrito. (Yes, as an Arizonan, I felt compelled to try it and it was good but different.)  And when I say a giant chicken burrito, I’m not joking. It was a brick that would not have been out of place at Chipotle.

Next morning, I went downstairs and Bernie had made sausage sandwiches, and I scarfed down at least three days worth of saturated fat. Then Daddy Bernard and I stopped at McDonald’s at lunch. That night, Bernie cooked up a large pot of chicken thighs. He gave me a bowl piled high with chicken, far more than I needed, but I figured I’d be polite and eat some of it. Holy Mother of God, it was delicious! So succulent and flavorful. (My mouth is watering as I type this). Bernie asked me if I wanted more. No! I mean hell yeah, I wanted more. Then we polished off a few cans of beer. At least the lingering aroma of savory chicken covered up the burning smell of my diet plan spiraling down in flames.

However, I did have to start declining the massive breakfasts and began eating Daddy Bernard’s Shredded Wheat. (So hard to turn down bacon sandwiches.)

Shredded Wheat — Depression in physical form

Hungry in Scotland

On the Wednesday before the wedding, I rode up to Scotland with Bernie in his work van. He had to deliver some building materials and thought I’d like to come along for the scenic drive. After he made his deliveries, we headed to Glasgow to spend the night. Bernie told me we’d go for a couple of pints and then eat at the World Buffet. The idea of a buffet alarmed me, but he had his heart set on it — he’d even had the company book rooms at a Travel Lodge right by it. The plan was to arrive in about an hour.

Big Bern behind the wheel on our way to the best buffet in Scotland.

Suddenly, he spotted a grocery store and pulled in.

“I’m getting a chicken to eat,” said Bernie. “You want something?”

“I thought we’re eating in Glasgow?”

“When you eat like I do, I’ll collapse before then.”

Starving, I abstained from buying anything. Bernie bought a whole rotisserie-style chicken. He told me he was going to only eat the drum sticks and would eat the rest tomorrow with some wraps. That poor chicken didn’t stand a chance as he devoured it in the van.

Eventually, we made it to the pub, drank a couple of pints while Bernie had a conversation with an incomprehensible old Glaswegian, and then we feasted like kings at the World Buffet.

The Final Countdown

Back in England, my battle against calories continued. My sister, Bridget, showed up from Florida. Surprised, I noticed she looked heavier than usual. She mentioned that she too had put on weight. Hurricane Michael had blown down all the old, majestic trees in her town. There was no shade for her to run in now only blazing sunlight. She mentioned she wanted to lose some weight. I suggested we could try to be good influences on each other while in the UK.

“Screw that. I’m on vacation,” Bridget said as she ordered ice cream. Clearly, I was going to have to be my own moral support.

The day of the wedding, thank God I still fit into my clothes (barely!) without popping a button. After the ceremony, the attendees enjoyed a veritable feast at a swanky place called Crabwall Manor (someone gave me an extra slice of cheesecake and I ate it). Then they had another buffet dinner a couple hours later for those not invited to the service and reception. (Naturally, the Dillons and I were first in line). And then they served wedding cake. (Yes, yes, I ate that too.)

How I wanted to look…

  …the sad reality

Winding down

So, once the wedding was over and there was no need to watch what I ate, I still tried to keep things in check, with mixed results. We ate out and celebrated a lot. Going out for Indian, lunching at a tapas restaurant, having a rich dinner at my cousin Matthew’s. (His partner, Véronique, is French, a people not known for cooking light — it was delicious.)

Another Dillon getting stuck into his grub (Raphael and his mum Véronique)

    My lovely sis, Bridget

Eating tapas with my cousin Martin

The night before I left for home, I went and stayed in Manchester with my cousin Martin’s family. He had to work late and we got our wires crossed. I didn’t eat before I arrived thinking he and I were going out to grab food, but he’d eaten when he arrived, so we walked down to a kebab place. That late at night, I thought I should just skip it, but again my willpower failed me. So I ordered the small kebab. (The Brits have adopted American sized portions; you see a lot more overweight people these days.)

Yes, this is the “small” one.

Next steps

Back in Arizona, I wasn’t making any headway on the weight loss. Then I walked to lunch with three of the guys from the office and on the way back someone mentioned something about Christmas and out of the blue, my coworker Cbass says to me, “You know you could play Santa.”

WTF?

I gave him a few choice words and he tried to explain it was because of my friendly face and whitish beard, not because I’m a fat ass.

So I sat around for a few hours thinking bad thoughts about Cbass until I eventually decided I had to make a real effort.

Cbass hangs his head in shame. He knows he did wrong.

  Okay, maybe Cbass has a point. (Plus, no more scruffy beards for me).

Anyway, I’m back to intermittent fasting and I’ve lost three pounds this week (no fast food, no snacks in the house, no eating out, etc). And the Houseguest has volunteered to put me through a modified boot camp workout she does with a friend (I’m not so sure about that, but we’ll see).

Anyway, check back and see how I fare.

  Trying to Go On a Diet Like a lot of people, I'm never satisfied with my weight. Whether I'm gaining it or losing it, I never end up completely satisfied with the result.

[dorothydelgadillo]

5 Signs It's Time For A Process Overhaul

Processes. We love to hate them, but even the best of us will have to admit, they are totally necessary. (Truth be told, most of us figure that out the hard way.)

But, we aren’t here to talk about why processes are important. You already know that. We’re here to talk about identifying when it’s time to overhaul your existing processes.

I’ve had the pleasure of “providing myself with an opportunity for growth,” (aka: totally screwing up and falling flat on my face) when it comes to building sustainable website processes that benefit both my internal teammates and my clients.

Back in 2014, before Quintain Marketing merged with IMPACT, Quintain hit a really big growth spurt. All of a sudden I had a ton of new teammates, new (and bigger!) clients and a brand new office. The stakes were instantly higher and the processes I had in place as a one woman website wonder simply weren’t scalable for this new territory.

After many attempts at trying to make my tried and true processes work, I eventually ran into a situation where they flat out failed me. It was awful. Next, there was  a lot of crying, cursing and self-reflection. I had to get really honest with where things weren’t going well and overhaul the entire process.

That process did not disappoint and it remains one of my greatest professional achievements.

In fact, it was something I was excited about sharing with my teammates here at IMPACT. The beautiful thing about mergers is that you get to meld the very best ideas together. It’s incredibly exciting.

This idea melding has led us to begin improving IMPACT’s website process. But, that’s not the only reason, as with any organization we found some triggers that let us know it was time to overhaul our current process.

So, that’s what I want to share with you today, the signs that you need to overhaul your existing processes. I’ll even give you some actionable tips along the way!

Internal Triggers

When your company grows

Very similar to the situation I faced while at Quintain, when your company grows from a small organization to a bigger one, it will inevitably reveal cracks in your processes.

A process isn’t really a process until it’s written down, if your processes aren’t documented, put pen to paper. As your organization grows it’s likely you won’t be the only person using the process. If your process can’t be understood by another (potentially, new) person, it’s time to overhaul.

Take some time to think about who your processes are serving. Are they for a specific type of client? What if you were to take on a client two or even three times the size of your average client? Would it be able to scale to serve these new clients just as well?

Bring your team together and brainstorm. Yes, you are solving for issues that don’t yet exist, but you don’t want to be solving them after you need them.

When people avoid particular projects

Think about this for a minute, is there a particular part of a project you and your coworkers just dread? That part of the project that just never goes well, it’s a serious struggle to get through and more often than not, the outcome doesn’t land where you expected?

Take a deep dive into why! Pull out your documentation and compare it against what is really happening. Are you missing a step? Does something need to be better defined? Or, are you coming up against the same impediments over and over?

Hash these problems out with your team, get a little uncomfortable weighing your options, and go back and forth until you come to a resolve.

When sales avoids selling certain types of projects

When projects run into the same barriers time after time, word gets around. It will likely get back to your sales team through the office grapevine, or directly through your client.

That’s a rough spot for sales to be in. If sales knows a certain part of a process isn’t going well, or deliverables are missing expectations, they aren’t going to have the confidence to continue to sell it.

Evaluate your current projects. Is there anything your seeing a lack of and can’t explain? Dig deep and probe to figure out why certain deliverables or products simply aren’t being sold.

Internal Clarifying Questions (Actionable Tips)

Always keep your eyes and ears open whenever you get a chance to collaborate with your team. Sometimes the simplest of remarks or the faintest of complains could lead to really significant process issues if you just ask why?

Ready to peel back the layers and see where you and your team could be improving? Start by identifying the aforementioned triggers and then asking these questions:

What is it about this part of the project that makes it so much of a pain?

Should more/less/different people be involved on this task?

What makes you hesitant to sell this service? Is it the entire experience or a single deliverable?

How can the organization support you better with this deliverable?

What factors helped this part of the process go smoothly for you before?

External Triggers

Missed Deadlines

We’ve all been there, just as you’ve crafted the perfect project timeline, someone blows through a deadline, derailing the entire project. So frustrating. But, are you asking yourself why?

Are you or your clients consistently missing deadlines? If so, it might be time for a process overhaul!

Evaluate what deadlines are being missed, is it every deadline or specific types?

If every deadline is being consistently missed, it’s time to take a look at your entire process, soup to nuts. There are major breakdowns at play and expectations with your clients are probably misaligned.

If missed deadlines are specific (ie: feedback, writing content), you may only need to reevaluate this particular piece of your process. Check to see if the proper expectations have been set with the client, if instructions are clear, or if they understand how this activity relates to the entire project.

Net Promoter Score

At IMPACT, we use Net Promoter Scores to help keep a gauge on our client relationships. Every couple of weeks we’ll ask our clients in our weekly meeting, “if you were to rate us on a scale of 1-10, what would that be?” The client often provides a very non-distinct number, such as an eight. It’s our job to dig deep and truly understand why that score isn't any lower and what we could be doing to receive a 10.

This provides us with the perfect opportunity to push and really understand what’s going well and what isn’t.

So, if something is amiss, just ask! Sometimes the answers to all of our process woes can be addressed with a single question.

External Clarifying Questions (Actionable Tips)

Let’s be honest, client communication can be more of an art than a science. What someone says and what they mean can actually be two different things! Now that you know you aren’t always going to get a straight answer, here are some questions that can help you unearth those valuable insights that can help you amend your current processes.

How can we help you meet the next deadline?

Would you be more comfortable if I brought in a particular team member to address your concerns?

What is your measure of success for this portion of the project?

What’s next?

Just like when you’re on the Metro, “If you see something, say something.” Seriously, nothing will ever change if you keep everything to yourself. If you’re noticing patterns in your teammates behavior or your clients, put it out there.

Your insights could mean adding a single bullet to your process, or burning the whole thing down and building it back up. It could lead to real, organizational change.

It doesn’t matter what role you’re in, what projects you’ve been on, or who you report to, bring it up!

Justify your concern

If you notice an area of your current processes that could use an overhaul, don’t be afraid to back it up. Use this post as a guide to jot down your thoughts on where your current process is breaking down and effectively make your case to affect real, actionable change.

Have you been through the experience of overhauling a process? Share your story in the comments and let us know your biggest takeaways.

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/5-signs-process-overhaul

[annamcnuff]

The 50th State: Hawaii

Ah Hawaii. Islands of the sea. Land of the Hukilau cafe. Home to Polynesian princess’, pineapples and palm trees. And more importantly, the 50th state… A BUMPY START Finally sat on a plane at Dallas Fort Worth airport, I was overcome with relief, and also rather aware that we’d been stationary at the gate for quite some time. The pilot aka ‘DJ Wings McGee’ came on the tannoy. His soothing words were to the effect of 'A part of a plane isn’t working. In fact, we’re concerned it’s missing entirely. We just need to make sure everything’s 'OK’ before taking you up to 30,000ft and letting you plunge to your death.“ I couldn’t help but marvel at such a flawless execution of customer care - DJ McGee clearly missed the training memo about ignorance being bliss. To cut a long story short, I disembarked. The flight was cancelled and I was moved to another. The only casualty of the debacle being… Boudica. As I waited for her beautifully decorated pink gaffa taped cardboard box to appear in the oversized section at Honolulu, it dawned - she was AWOL. Amidst the kerfuffle in Dallas, someone had left her behind (so much for my detailed marker pen box instructions to 'treat her like a lady’). Of course, I was never too worried, you’ve gotta keep the faith after all, and within two days she was safely back in my possession. I don’t need Ms Morisette to tell me how losing Boudica en route the 50th state would have been mildly ironic. "It’s like cycliiiinngggg, 49-states-and-losing-your-bike-on-the-plane…” Boudica, with high hopes of not getting left behind at Dallas, and instructions to treat her like a lady MOUNT HALEAKALA Way back in the heat of the Reno desert, when Hawaii was just a distant dream, a wise man named JP foretold of a mystical volcano on the Island of Maui, called Mount Haleakala. It was also foretold-er-ed that it was the longest, steepest paved road ascent in the world. Considering I was on the hunt for a special little sumthin-sumthin to round off the trip, that sounded perfect. So I floated the idea to my travel agent (AKA - Mum), and the plan was set - we’d nip to the island of Maui, and take on Haleakala. Seeing as though my Dad was a) Going to be in Hawaii too and b) Loves destroying mind and body as much as I do, it was only fair that he join me on the climb. And, seeing as though he wasn’t going to be bringing his very own Pink ten-ton beast to the pedal party, I opted to leave Boudica behind on Oahu, and hire a little carbon number instead. She was Blue. She was beautiful. And I named her Wanda. I’ll level with you, frightening as it sounds to ride from sea level to 10,023 ft in one go, Haleakala isn’t the hardest climb I’ve ever done. Far from it. The gradient is steady, the road is smooth, there are switchbacks to break up the slog and when you have a support car, you don’t even need to carry the many layers of kit required. But I’ll be darned if it’s not spectacularly unique. For a start, the climb takes you through 4 micro climates. And because the gradient is so steady, rather than splitting time equally between staring at the front wheel and trying to relocate your weaker lung, you actually get a rare chance to take it all in. Usually when making the dizzy heights of 10,000 ft you’re surrounded by other mountains. So whilst the vista is a guaranteed spectacular, it’s largely comprised of neighbouring peaks. From the top of Haleakala all you can see is Maui. The whole of it. From one end to the other, and all the way across. Your eye line is spattered with views of the cinder desert landscape, the reef below, the offshore Molokini crater, lush green fields and endless delicate whisps of cloud - suspended as if someone hurridly dismantled an oversized candy floss and just… left it there. Reaching the top of Haleakala is pretty much the closest you’ll ever get to flying (well, aside from jumping off of the sofa, holding a Tesco bag above your head when you were seven. Just me? Oh, right, I see.) I’m not a huge fan of descending. In fact, my level of fanship for the descent is on a par with my level of fanship for Justin Bieber. Suffice it to say, I would gladly never cycle down another hill in my entire life. But apparently old Isie Newton screwed me over way back when, and what goes up must come down. So down I went. Now I know the textbook du cycling says that you’re not supposed to brake whilst descending, but whatevs, I’m a braker. My Name’s Anna McNuff, and I’m addicted to braking. My Dad’s a braker too, I come from a family of brakers. It’s not my fault. And when you’re a braker, 90 minutes of downhill can take it’s toll. Halfway down, my forearms began to look like Popeye’s, my teeth had just about ground down to the gums and and both hands were stuck firmly in 'the claw’ position. By the bottom I had no forearms. Nor gums. Nor hands. THE DRIVE OF DEATH Having seen Maui from on high, it was decided that we should do a little ground level exploring the following day. Within 30 minutes of setting off on a 'short drive’, we were accidentally taking the scenic route to a town called Hana. That is, 30 miles of winding cliff top highway, with a speed limit of 10mph. Granted, it was incredibly beautiful - jutting in and out of tropical forests, past waterfalls, over tiny bridges and with ample opportunity to stop at ocean lookouts. Following a stop for a hike up to a waterfall, the options to get home were either a 3 hour drive back the way we came, or via a more direct 'category B’ road. Considering I was feeling rather car sick by this point, and firmly parked at chunder-junction, I requested that we take the direct route. After all, how B road, can a B road be? On Maui the answer is beyond B. So B-esc that I wouldn’t wish this road on anyone other than Indiana Jones. And possibly James Bond. After a few miles of tarmac, it turned to single track gravel. If you’d be so kind as to lend me a moment, I’d like to place you in the back seat of that car: Jostling around from side to side as if in a Star Tours simulator, with Mummy McNuff (who has a fear of heights) at the wheel. Driving an automatic, oversized SUV, on the wrong side of the road (yes this still matters in a single track). Round sharply banked corners, a sheer drop to the ocean on one side, and rough falling rocks on the other. Watching Dad in the passenger seat grip the door handle and utter soothing comments to an almost silent and shaking Mother Bear, as you try not to vomit for a further 2 hours. It was so frightening, that at one point I opened the window - thinking 'Well if we plunge off the edge here, at least I have a way out’. Then I started wondering how I’d get Mum and Dad out too … Credit where credit’s due. Rally driver Snr Sue McNuff did well. And we actually make it home in one piece, just as the sun went down. A 'relaxing drive’ my eye… THE DOLE PINEAPPLE PLANTATION There are many great unanswered questions in this world. Like, have you ever seen a baby pigeon? What happened to the cheerleading twins from Fun House and why is Floo powder not yet viable method of transportation? Yet, until now there was one huge philosophical consideration that had escaped the wanderings of my mind - how do Pineapples grow? Stop. Let it wash over you… There we go. You’ll now have found yourself in one of three camps: Camp A) “Err duh. (rolls eyes). In the ground, of course” Camp B) “Psssshh don’t be so silly, they grow on trees.” Camp C) You know the truth. Which is of course that they grow in a bush. Sort of like a Fruit-Fugees, hiding from the outside world, nestled between leafy splays of gigantic grass. And, I don’t want to blow your mind too much, but there’s more than one type. I tell you this from a throne of authority, having visited an enormous pineapple plantation on Northern Oahu. I’d love to relay how I spent hours learning about the humble pineapple. That it was my sole motive to go there and fill my brain with fruity facts. Alas - I heard that they had the best Pinapple ice cream in all of Earth-land. So I simply went to fill my belly, and learn a little bit on the side. The DoleWhip pinapple cone was more than worth the trip. The Pineapple revelation, a bonus. WAIKIKI BEACH The hard work (and a final ride on Boudica) done, I spent the rest of my time in Hawaii relaxing. I went snorkelling, which reminded me how much I missed swimming. I lay on a beach, which reminded me how much I missed sitting still (not much). And I drunk cocktails, which reminded me how much alcohol I’d consumed in the past 7 months (again, not much). Waikiki itself is a tourist trap, there’s no denying it - but I loved it. Unlike many busy tourists strips around the globe, at Waikiki there were a distinct lack of Pikies (American readers, you might have to urban dictionary that one). There were no lobster sunburnt, beer swilling, projectile vomiting, fishbowl fuelled louts with made in England tattoos across their shoulders and gold caps on their teeth. There were simply contented individuals, enjoying 24 hour paradise, a warm sea and a civilised Mai Tai or two at sunset. If I’m not allowed to be a snob in my last week, when am I. THE FINAL COUNTDOWN I can’t believe we’ve made it to this point, Five-O gang. If you’ll stick with me for one last week, as I squirm my way through jet lag and the return to normality, I’d like to write you all a final post. A comment on the trip as a whole - what I’ve learnt (about me and about others), the highs, the lows, and where I go from here. I promise not to get heavy on your asses, but I do promise to be honest. And who knows, I might even be humorous. This week"s pictures are up on Flickr here Until then, 50 high fives to you all for each and every state, Anna :)

[dorothydelgadillo]

What Is the DARCI Accountability Grid & How Can It Save Your Next Project?

In the past 30 days, we've launched six new service-related website pages and a 10,000-word piece of pillar content on website redesign for IMPACT. In the next 30 days, we will launch eight (or nine) new website pages, three new pieces of pillar content, and complete the first phase of a content migration, born of our merger with The Sales Lion. 

(Did you miss that newsflash about our merger? It's amazing.)

Given that I'm an only child, I'd love to say that this was all completed entirely by yours truly -- but that would be a lie.

Of course, you know that. 

As with any massive project, a team of incredibly talented people were involved in bringing the vision, content, design, video, and web components of all of these projects to life. 

I was, however, the project owner and manager of these initiatives. And if you've ever been a project manager, you know the most challenging aspect of any project is not managing the tasks, but managing the people so you will all deliver on time, without blowing out your budgeted resource allocation.

That's where the DARCI Accountability Grid can help. 

But before we can unpack what DARCI is and why it's so great, I first want to talk more about why people are the problem with projects. 

"Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before..."

Let's say you're working on a website project. You have a final draft of copy ready to ship to your design and development team, so you can start pushing your new site pages live.

You go you your boss, who you've been reporting to on your project's progress at each step of the way, and say, "Hey, this is ready for your sign-off, so we can go live!"

They pause. You hold your breath.

Then they respond with one of the following:

"I'm not the best person to ask about this."

"This looks fine, but has Jane seen it? Show it to her and then bring it back to me."

"You know, on second thought, get Jack to look at this -- he's probably a better resource."

"No, no, no, this is all wrong -- you should have consulted me on the strategy and wireframes first."

Or, my personal favorite, "Wait, why am I only seeing this just now?"

After your soul leaves your body, you hit your head on your desk until you can't feel feelings anymore.

Why couldn't they have told you any of this before you poured hours and hours of work into something they were always going to hate or pass-off to someone else who is also probably going to hate it?

Why did they waste your time?

Even when I was in my infancy as a content marketer, I knew how to generally assign roles for a project. You had your approvers and your do-the-thingers, and occasionally someone had to chime in to provide an additional opinion. 

But through experience over the years -- as well as a few very hard lessons of "trial by fire" -- I've learned that role identification in a project is what will determine how successful -- and not painful -- any initiative will be. And the level of detail you need to get to, in terms of defining those roles, matters. 

If any of this sounds familiar to you -- chasing down elusive, never-ending approvals; constantly having to redo and rescope work; curling up into a ball and weeping silently at 3 a.m. over projects that will never end -- there is good news.

These are the exact project management problems that the DARCI Accountability Grid solves.

What Is the DARCI Accountability Grid?

A long, long time ago, a group of people much smarter than I am sat down at a conference room table and shook all their brains around until the DARCI Accountability Grid exploded all over the whiteboard in front of them. As they basked in the glory of their wondrous creation, angels sung to them from on high, and rays of light beamed down upon them from the heavens above.

(At least I assume that's what happened. I don't know where this beautiful thing came from. It just appeared -- but the angels thing sounded cool, right? Whatever, moving on...)

Basically, the DARCI Accountability Grid establishes who is accountable for what for any type of organizational activity or project. Moreover, the responsibilities of each of these roles are very clearly defined, so there is no confusion.

D: Delegator and/or Decider

The D for a project is the ultimate decision-maker. They have the right to veto or provide approval. This is typically a single person -- perhaps a department head, a VP, or a C-level executive -- but can sometimes be a governing body, like a board of directors. The D is also responsible for delegating work to the person in the A seat. (This is where Kathleen, to whom I directly report, lives in my projects.)

A: Accountable

The A is the person who is held solely responsible for whether or not the project gets done. They're the person reporting up to the D, but the D must also bestow upon them a level of decision-making authority and discretion that is in-line with how much accountability they've been given. (AKA, me.)

R: Responsible

The person or persons literally responsible for "doing the thing" on a project. So, if it's a design project, it's your designer. If it's an eBook that will be designed, it's the team of players overseeing content creation and design. If it's a website, you may have a team of subject matter experts contributing, copywriters, designers, and developers. (I sometimes have a role here with content creation. This is also the role Christine has had on our recent projects.)

C: Consulted

As opposed to someone who is contributing effort, like those who live in the responsible category, the C should be applied to those individuals who may be consulted or asked for their input. They do not, however, have final approval power. (Hi, Marcus & George!)

I: Informed

This last one is my favorite. The I is the person or persons who need to be kept informed of a project's progress, but here's the kicker: While they get to be kept in the loop, they are explicitly prohibited within this system from derailing a project based on any information they receive. Meaning, you're just giving them a heads up, not soliciting their feedback. (Hi, Bob!) 

How to Use the DARCI Accountability Grid

Using the DARCI Accountability Grid to manage your projects is easy, in that the only way you really screw it up is by not doing it. But there are a few things about using DARCI you should keep in mind:

You don't have to fill every role for every project. You should always have the D-A-R roles slated, but often the C-I roles may be left empty, and that's okay. Only fill the roles that are required. Don't put too many cooks in your kitchen if you don't have to. 

Some people might play multiple roles -- that's (usually) okay. Typically, you'll see some crossover in the A-R roles. As I noted above, I spend most of my days in the A role, but I also throw my hat in the ring as a content creator, putting me squarely in the R role, as well. That's totally fine. But someone who is a D, for instance, shouldn't have any other role. 

Slating your project DARCI should be the first step. If you're going to be the A, as most project managers are, here me when I say this: Before you do anything else -- call your first meeting, create that first wireframe -- you must fill this out. Never, ever start your project without a complete DARCI. Otherwise, why bother using it at all?

Finally, get your approvals straight. Once you have your DARCI squared away -- and you're the A -- consult with your D to determine when they need to be solicited for approvals. For example, on some projects that need to be fast-tracked, Kathleen prefers to be at the very end, when all of the strategy, copy, and design elements have been completed with my oversight. On others, when we have more time -- or the project is more complex/new -- she may want to have an additional layer of approval with the first draft. No matter what approval schedule your D wants, agree to it in advance. Scattered approval structures is where projects go to die.

Start Using DARCI Now... Seriously!

Typically, I love to reserve my conclusions for some sort of mind-blowing takeaway or insight that leaves you breathless -- or at least makes you laugh. 

I don't have one of those for you today. All I can say is that using DARCI has drastically improved my ability to manage projects and get them completed on-time and to the satisfaction of others. 

And it's such a great system, I fundamentally believe everyone should be using it. Including you. 

So, what are you waiting for? Download my DARCI worksheet and get to work!  

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/what-is-the-darci-accountability-grid