#aka they dont really remember their life before a certain point

[1captainjordan4]

Ive been drawing a lot of oc art for artfight references :D (my handle faetastik btw)

[donanimee]

WARNING: MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM MANGA SO IF YOU ONLY WATCH THE ANIME AND NOT THE MANGA THEN DON'T READ THIS.

Today the morning heavy rain that happened where i live fitted my mood from today and last week manga, because those two chapters really stabbed my heart and made me want more, especially from last week. Im talking about Chapters 385 and 386 of Boku no Hero Academia manga.

Ever since Chapter 386 many doors of possibilities were open and now many of us are uncertain of the fate of our favorite heroes, especially after, you probably know who :_( , lost his wings in order to protect his pupil, if it wasn't for him ( and Mineta which I have no idea where he came from) Dark Shadow woule have become an slave to that demon. Seeing how umpredictable this arc and Horikoshi are who knows who will lose either their quirk, a limb or their life next and what will become of them after the war.

Even when we not know what will happen next, the chapter from this week might gave us a guess and confirmation of the fates of some beloved characters, especially our favorite LOV generals, Dabi aka Touya Todoroki. And, even if it hurts me A LOT to say it, but now the chances of saving him are a lot lower than ever, especially after learning this:

Even if we had the hope of him surviving the battle, and maybe having his body rewinded by Eri (after all, NOBODY likes when a beloved character, whenever they are a hero or villian, from a beloved series perishes) , now the chances of him surviving are most likely 1%, but even now that only seems like false hope since any moment now, our beloved Touya will blow up into pieces destroying everything around him, which will probably be witnessed by Shoto and the other Todorokis, which will be a huge blow in their hearts having to lose a loved one twice and right in front of their eyes. Like a certain super pig once said:

"Miles, the hardest thing about this job is you can't always save everybody." - Spider Ham from Spiderman into the Spiderverse.

Which also brings a huge theory that came into my mind: Will Endevour live or die?

With how many ocs we have lost in the anime like Sir Nighteye, Magne, Twice, Gran Torino (probably), Midnight, the heroes at the paranormal front war, and sadly our explosion boy Dynamight who they are really taking their time to bring him back to life, we might see more sad deaths in the future, and with one possibly confirmed we may have two more as a probability, one being Endevour aka Enji Todoroki. Lets be honest here, besides Mineta aka Grape Juice, Endevour its one of the most disliked characters in the series because of what he did to his family, even in fanfiction he is a complete jerk or even 10 times worse than in the anime. Even so afrer becoming Number 1 and reflecting on his past kinda did a turning point on his development and made him determined not only to become a better hero but a better father as well, even if Shoto and Natsuo reject his attempts. No wonder Toshinori compared Bakugo to him since they are kinda alike. So its more of a conflicted though even though its a possibility especially since he is the one closest to Dabi who has literally become a living time bomb and doesnt know it. And even if he learns of it i dont think he will want to abandon his son again, even in his last moments and it may risk him his life.

And he already has been having thoughts of his family been better without him and especially with this hints from the series: his guilt and depression over Dabi's identity reveal and remembering what he did to his family in the past, he building a separate house for his family due to believing that they are better off without him, and most importantly his dreams of his family happily having dinner togheter only that he is not there. And i think he is really serious about stop running away from his problems and his own son even if it gets him killed. I kinda imagine it him saying meaningful words to Touya before he reaches his limit and hugging him in tears as he is about to explode while he apologizes to him, Shoto, and his family( if the last two get a glimpse or view of each other as it happens) and I even imagined his picture next to Touya's in the altar. So this is my theory.

So about the other loss im not sure it will happen but this really surprised me

I knew this guy wouldnt just sit still and do nothing, and it touched me how he remembered the words Izuku asked him in the rooftop and became inspired by them. And i never expected him and AFO to have a rematch after Kamino. But even so after seeing him defeat the heroes in the last battle the chances of All Might winning may be low but he still fights ( and I wouldnt be surprised if those Iron Man like support gear came from Mei Hatsume) even though seeing how AFO is being consumed by Tomura's wild negative emotions and if the tables get tuned, im not sure both lives will be spared in this match, either Toshinori reunites with Nana, his former mentor, right away after this or gets fatally wounded and we might get another sad hospital farewell like Mirio and Nighteye. We already saw how Izuku reacted to Bakugo's death, imagine how will he react when he learns of what happened, or might happen, to his mentor, idol, and father figure.

I really hope we dont have too many chapters left for this to be over, and that we dont get 1 week delays too ( even if we do need a break after each chapter release the closer sooner this is over the better). Wonder what next week will have stored for us, we'll have to wait and see.

[oknoobcom]

ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS THE NEW BLACK!

Posted on May 8, 2021by Georgios

Entrepreneurship is the new black. It’s more popular than ever.

And that’s just awesome. Until it’s not. People will get hurt. Lives will get ruined and then the world will magically get into balance again.

There is a fairytale that’s been told again and again via the media for some years now. Entrepreneurs are (supposed to be) these amazing guys getting filthy rich and famous, burning billions of VC money, traveling the world doing what they love. And that’s true. Well.. sometimes.

Here’s what happens most of the times according to (my) reality and experience.

I always like to talk with numbers. Numbers never lie you see.

Here are some:

Let numbers do the talking

Odds are, a startup launched today will fail within 24 months. Period.

In fact, three out of four venture-backed companies don’t return investors’ capital, and half of all new businesses close their doors before they’ve been open for five years.

Just to make that clear. If you start a startup today, you have 97% chance to be dead by year 3. Do you like the chances ?

Here’s some more from smallbiztrends

In fact, of all small businesses started in 2011:

4 percent made it to the second year 3 percent made it to the third year

On top of that, have in mind that building a business is SUPER HARD by default.

Elon Musk once said:

You have to put in incredible amounts of efforts and huge amounts of stress — and it’s much more painful than most people realize. And most companies die. On a certain level in your brain, your brain — we didn’t evolve, like, with companies; we evolved to respond to real death. And even though a company’s death is not real, it’s not like someone is physically dying, your brain doesn’t quite understand that on the limbic system level. So it’s really sort of painfully stressful. You probably don’t want to go through that more than once.“

Here’s the deal. Its REALY hard. No, if you haven’t been there (like most “startup gurus” out there), you can’t even imagine how hard it is.

As Elon Musk noted “You have to put in incredible amounts of efforts and huge amounts of stress” and i would add to that “for a very very long time”. In fact, you will be at this “status” consistently. It’s like raping your soul over and over again. You hate it, but you kinda don’t. I can’t really explain that. It’s the only way to move forward. If it makes no sense to you, it’s because you are normal.

Steve Jobs once said:

“You need a lot of passion for what you’re doing because its so hard. Without passion, any rational person would give up.  So if youre not having fun doing it, if you dont absolutely love it, youre going to give up. And thats what happens to most people, actually.”

Ok, i think we got the point so far. Building a business is hard. Super hard. Things almost always look like are going south. You plan, and then you watch your plans failing big-time. And then you plan again, better. You pivot. And then you pivot some more.

The doubting-everything phase (aka. depression)

There are times you feel like you are wasting the best years of your life on an idea. Thinks get so blurry, you don’t trust yourself anymore. And that’s the worse part. All you ever had was trust in yourself and an idea.

You remember. When your friends were partying and traveling the world, you didn’t. You couldn’t. You had to work on that project. Your vision. Asshole.

When trust is gone, it’s almost game over. You will have to regain that trust somehow. And that’s very difficult when you are down. Hit. When you have no proof that what you are after, is even doable. You start to think that maybe you have sold yourself a little happy story. And you fucking bought it.

Maybe you should apply for a “real” job, like some people used to tell you. You put your family at risk after all.

Ok. Pause. You have been there before. Numerous of times. But this time feels like it’s irreversible.

Your stomach aches and your heart is beating fast. You are about to have another panic attack. Your family counts on you, fucking idiot. You can’t lose it now.

You take a deep breath and throw some cold water at your face. You need to control it this time. Because you simply have to. If you let go, you are done. Done! You know that. There are no alternatives.

You cornered yourself. On purpose. You bastard.

Get up. Take a walk. That always helps. Walk, walk, walk and then walk some more.

The Rocky phase!

Let’s get up now. It’s time. Wash out the blood from your teeth and wipe the tears from your eyes. That way, taste and vision are back. You must revaluate things. What the fuck went wrong ? Where did you miss?

Your family comes back to your mind. Your daughter smiles in your head again. You crack a little smile too. You can’t help it. They count on you. But they support you like crazy. They must be a little crazy too, you’re thinking. They had to be. They bet on you after all.

Ok, let’s think things over. What the fuck went wrong ? What didn’t i do i should have done? Are things really that bad ? Questions loop in your head.  Again and again and again and again and again and again.. Your brain is about to burn out. You can smell it.

Ok, close your eyes. Calm yourself down and you try to think things through. You can’t do this anymore. Not to yourself nor your family.

“Come on! You can do this!”. That weird voice in your head again. You are crazy. That’s a fact. Fuck, who are you kidding? You cannot go on like that. Let’s call that for what it is. You failed.

After all, a lot of people fail. You went “against all odds” like Phil Collins once said and you failed. No biggie!

But wait.

And then, out of the blue, in a fragment of a second, your mind takes over the feelings. Numbers, facts. Nothing else.

Are really things that bad?

The revaluation phase

You get numb inside. Dead. You need to set logic free, so you block every feeling away.

Most of the times things are a little better than they feel. Anxiety is the worse advisor ever. You know.

You get a beer and a blank piece of paper. Thoughts are getting a bit numb too, but a bit clearer at the same time. Its strange, but it works every single time.

You are making some drawings, connecting clusters, random code and notes. Stuff that makes sense only to you. Its everything in your head after all. All you need is to try to through up your brain on the paper and put everything in order.

You skype your co-founder and partner in crime. He is down too. But now, you can help him pick up his pieces. He has done that for you too many times in the past. Thats whats biz partners do after all. Thats the main reason you should have a co-founder. It’s super important.

Business is 100X more tough if you do it alone. I’ve been on both sides, and i choose co-founding everytime. Trust me.

It’s getting late. Eyes are getting heavy. You fall asleep on the couch.

Quality of sleep, very bad. You wake up numerous of times in the middle of the night. Sweating. Your heart is beating fast. Somehow you manage to calm your self down again.  Sleep. Loop.

You wake up.  Its 5:30am on a Tuesday.

Ready to do it all once again?  Go!

[efstratiadis]

ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS THE NEW BLACK!

Entrepreneurship is the new black. It’s more popular than ever.

And that’s just awesome. Until it’s not. People will get hurt. Lives will get ruined and then the world will magically get into balance again.

There is a fairytale that’s been told again and again via the media for some years now. Entrepreneurs are (supposed to be) these amazing guys getting filthy rich and famous, burning billions of VC money, traveling the world doing what they love. And that’s true. Well.. sometimes.

Here’s what happens most of the times according to (my) reality and experience.

I always like to talk with numbers. Numbers never lie you see.

Here are some:

Let numbers do the talking

Odds are, a startup launched today will fail within 24 months. Period.

In fact, three out of four venture-backed companies don’t return investors’ capital, and half of all new businesses close their doors before they’ve been open for five years.

Just to make that clear. If you start a startup today, you have 97% chance to be dead by year 3. Do you like the chances ?

Here’s some more from smallbiztrends

In fact, of all small businesses started in 2011:

4 percent made it to the second year 3 percent made it to the third year

On top of that, have in mind that building a business is SUPER HARD by default.

Elon Musk once said:

You have to put in incredible amounts of efforts and huge amounts of stress — and it’s much more painful than most people realize. And most companies die. On a certain level in your brain, your brain — we didn’t evolve, like, with companies; we evolved to respond to real death. And even though a company’s death is not real, it’s not like someone is physically dying, your brain doesn’t quite understand that on the limbic system level. So it’s really sort of painfully stressful. You probably don’t want to go through that more than once.“

Here’s the deal. Its REALY hard. No, if you haven’t been there (like most “startup gurus” out there), you can’t even imagine how hard it is.

As Elon Musk noted “You have to put in incredible amounts of efforts and huge amounts of stress” and i would add to that “for a very very long time”. In fact, you will be at this “status” consistently. It’s like raping your soul over and over again. You hate it, but you kinda don’t. I can’t really explain that. It’s the only way to move forward. If it makes no sense to you, it’s because you are normal.

Steve Jobs once said:

“You need a lot of passion for what you’re doing because its so hard. Without passion, any rational person would give up.  So if youre not having fun doing it, if you dont absolutely love it, youre going to give up. And thats what happens to most people, actually.”

Ok, i think we got the point so far. Building a business is hard. Super hard. Things almost always look like are going south. You plan, and then you watch your plans failing big-time. And then you plan again, better. You pivot. And then you pivot some more.

The doubting-everything phase (aka. depression)

There are times you feel like you are wasting the best years of your life on an idea. Thinks get so blurry, you don’t trust yourself anymore. And that’s the worse part. All you ever had was trust in yourself and an idea.

You remember. When your friends were partying and traveling the world, you didn’t. You couldn’t. You had to work on that project. Your vision. Asshole.

When trust is gone, it’s almost game over. You will have to regain that trust somehow. And that’s very difficult when you are down. Hit. When you have no proof that what you are after, is even doable. You start to think that maybe you have sold yourself a little happy story. And you fucking bought it.

Maybe you should apply for a “real” job, like some people used to tell you. You put your family at risk after all.

Ok. Pause. You have been there before. Numerous of times. But this time feels like it’s irreversible.

Your stomach aches and your heart is beating fast. You are about to have another panic attack. Your family counts on you, fucking idiot. You can’t lose it now.

You take a deep breath and throw some cold water at your face. You need to control it this time. Because you simply have to. If you let go, you are done. Done! You know that. There are no alternatives.

You cornered yourself. On purpose. You bastard.

Get up. Take a walk. That always helps. Walk, walk, walk and then walk some more.

The Rocky phase!

Let’s get up now. It’s time. Wash out the blood from your teeth and wipe the tears from your eyes. That way, taste and vision are back. You must revaluate things. What the fuck went wrong ? Where did you miss?

Your family comes back to your mind. Your daughter smiles in your head again. You crack a little smile too. You can’t help it. They count on you. But they support you like crazy. They must be a little crazy too, you’re thinking. They had to be. They bet on you after all.

Ok, let’s think things over. What the fuck went wrong ? What didn’t i do i should have done? Are things really that bad ? Questions loop in your head.  Again and again and again and again and again and again.. Your brain is about to burn out. You can smell it.

Ok, close your eyes. Calm yourself down and you try to think things through. You can’t do this anymore. Not to yourself nor your family.

“Come on! You can do this!”. That weird voice in your head again. You are crazy. That’s a fact. Fuck, who are you kidding? You cannot go on like that. Let’s call that for what it is. You failed.

After all, a lot of people fail. You went “against all odds” like Phil Collins once said and you failed. No biggie!

But wait.

And then, out of the blue, in a fragment of a second, your mind takes over the feelings. Numbers, facts. Nothing else.

Are really things that bad?

The revaluation phase

You get numb inside. Dead. You need to set logic free, so you block every feeling away.

Most of the times things are a little better than they feel. Anxiety is the worse advisor ever. You know.

You get a beer and a blank piece of paper. Thoughts are getting a bit numb too, but a bit clearer at the same time. Its strange, but it works every single time.

You are making some drawings, connecting clusters, random code and notes. Stuff that makes sense only to you. Its everything in your head after all. All you need is to try to through up your brain on the paper and put everything in order.

You skype your co-founder and partner in crime. He is down too. But now, you can help him pick up his pieces. He has done that for you too many times in the past. Thats whats biz partners do after all. Thats the main reason you should have a co-founder. It’s super important.

Business is 100X more tough if you do it alone. I’ve been on both sides, and i choose co-founding everytime. Trust me.

It’s getting late. Eyes are getting heavy. You fall asleep on the couch.

Quality of sleep, very bad. You wake up numerous of times in the middle of the night. Sweating. Your heart is beating fast. Somehow you manage to calm your self down again.  Sleep. Loop.

You wake up.  Its 5:30am on a Tuesday.

Ready to do it all once again?  Go!

[minamotoz]

a few degrassi Thoughts as i rewatch the first 5 seasons (mostly season 4)

> jay and rick are my problematic favorites, not in the sense that i condone their actions or think theyre good people in anyway, but they are too enjoyable for me to hate. i think this is a bit more controversial to say about rick than it is to say about jay but idc. jay is the funniest character of the whole show and rick is arguably the best written, not to mention theyre both acted incredibly well.

> craig peaked in his first episode lmfaoo like he really had this INCREDIBLE character introduction and they never were able to recapture that. i still think hes one of the best acted characters in the show but after a certain point i feel like im going to overdose with all the craig content they shove down my throat that is good at best and insufferable at worst.

> sean and ellie are at their best and arguably their most tolerable when theyre dating each other. thats probably my sellie bias but before and after they break up neither are all that remarkable as characters. when sean comes back in s6 hes just kinda boring and ellie in s5 is downright insufferable. also i hate how they never really bring up sellie after they break up? they say they love each other and then sean stays in wasaga and ???? they never speak of or to each other again? weird choice for a pairing that were so close they were living with each other for a period of time, but anything for semma i guess.....

> ashley isnt that bad and i still dont understand why the hate for her is so overblown that people put her at the same level as canon abusers, rapists, and general criminals.

> jt was probably the first character i latched onto from the TNG era but on rewatch hes kinda unlikeable???? i still like him a lot but idk the way he treated toby and liberty pissed me off >:/ not to mention he lost almost all of his charm by s5 (coincidentally around the time they gave him a Serious storyline) idk.... toby and liberty outsold and thats why they got together 2 seconds after he was murdered :p

> 'mercy street' (aka the penis pump episode) is the best episode of s4 and one of the best in the whole series you can fight me on this. the only other episodes in s4 that i think are close enough to mercy streets level are 'time stands still' (duh) and 'secret part 2' (alex punching amy straight into the black hole? social diseases?? jiberty nonsense in the background? kid elrick in the flesh? banger episode all around)

> the shows treatment of toby will never not make me viscerally upset. my boy deserved so much better than he got and i will cry over him to this day bc the writers hated him so much for no reason. i hope hes out there somewhere dating liberty and living his best life working out the insane amounts of trauma they piled onto him without proper resolution.

> when i first watched s1-8 i remember liking manny but not really understanding how she was SO popular that its like sin to say anything bad about her. on rewatch, i totally get it. manny santos is an icon living who has done nothing wrong in her entire life.

> i like spinner and the direction his character took in s4B onward, but man do i wish he wasnt the focus of the shooting aftermath. i get he was heavily involved with it, but the other characters that were also heavily affected barely got anything! sean got that one episode where he told ellie what happened when he accidentally killed rick before lamely jetskiing in circles and nearly drowning, and the resolution to his trauma was staying in wasaga for a whole season. emma got gonorrhea and i guess her hanging around with jay and acting out was her way of coping, we got like 5 seconds of tobys feelings on ricks death because god forbid toby has screentime for any longer than that. hell, we barely saw jimmy in the hospital and dealing with being newly paralyzed outside of the episode where craig and marco snuck him out of the hospital to see kid elrick. idk i like spinners arc but oh my god why couldnt we get more elaboration on the other characters' trauma surrounding the event. :/

> rick making that list of girls in the school was pretty gross and i hate him for indoctrinating my meow meow toby into misogyny but that list was fucking bonkers. his top 3 in order was ms hatzilakos, heather sinclair and emma. at that point i just think rick became down bad for any girl that didnt shove him into a locker on sight. in another universe he pointed the gun at ms hatzilakos for 'flirting' with him lmao

[temptingempress]

The Mafia’s Princess J.hs (2)

Summary: “I can’t loose you because if I loose you I loose myself. You’re all I have left.” she begged him to put the gun down. Her bloody knees splashed into the mud. Helicopters surrounded them and the sirens were getting closer and closer but she could think about was him. The man whom she fell in love with, standing in front of them. Gun pointed towards his head.

This is a HoseokxOc story but feel free to think of her as y/n. I just didn't want to call her y/n so I used my own character that you'll see in a lot of my stories but her mood and temperment will change in each story.

Warning: A bit of sexual interaction but nothing too much, weapons, skin damage, cursing, DIOR FREAKING HOSEOK. AKA: SUPERIOR HOSEOK.

Previous: https://temptingempress.tumblr.com/post/639443379410927616

Hauling Areum away in his arms from the vent into his arms, he opened the window just to see that the cops and dogs were guarding the entire motel, just waiting for them to come back and attack. He had to think and he had to think fast or else they’ll both be dead meat. He looked around and spotted one place where the dogs nor the cops have reached yet. The garbage bin. Of course, it was disgusting but it was the only chance they got. 

Hoseok’s P.O.V

I sigh as I held Areum close to my chest, there’s no way that she could be seen by the police or else it’s pretty much over for her and her family. I quickly set Areum down being careful not to to injure her even more than I already did. I had some spare time until the cops could reach this area. Taking my jacket off, I carefully wrapped it on her wounded leg so no infection would begin to grow. I had to get her back home and I had to do it fast. There she could be met with a medic. This all has me wondering if I should just drop her off at the place she belongs and leave her be. All I am is trouble in her life. I am in everybody's and I really dont give a shit. I’ve become my own nightmare that lost it’s mercy ten years ago but when it comes to her. I swear I’d do anything. I’ve become so selfish and allowed my heart to become enslaved in chains to her love. To her affection. To the way she smiles or the way the moonlight touches her soft skin. 

Love is tortuous, I feel myself going on a never ending rollercoaster with her. She was the worst thing that ever happened to me but the best thing at the same time. She can’t let me go and that’s the worst part about this relationship because I know at some point she’s going to have to let me go. Not that I want to go. I want to be her dream man and offer everything she wants that she deserves but not off of blood money. I’ve never thought that one time in my life I’d be regretting being a mafia lord. Love is powerful. 

All this goes through my mind as I picked her up once more and jumped into the trash can, where there were a lot of bags. Yes, it’s risky to possibly get stabbed by glass shards or bitten by a rat but it was better than prison. Our landing sound was muffled by the plastic bags. The cops were approaching so I closed the bin and hid myself and Areum to the best of my ability. There happened to be a small hole that I peeped through to see if the cops were going along their way but they weren’t. They were just guarding the whole hotel as well as their dogs. We needed a distraction so I picked up a rusted old wrench and while they werent looking aimed it at the highest window that was out of the cop’s eyesight, so of course they wouldn’t see the wrench. Once the glass broke the cops shouted and ran towards the window, holding their guns up. I took Areum when the coast was clear and silently got out of there, running far away into the woods. Once I was far enough, I slung Areum onto my back and looked into my suitcase for a pager. “I need a car sent to Eastwood Urgently.” 

Eastwood was about 5 miles away but it was the only place where I knew to navigate to from here. My pager dings before a man starts to talk “Yes sir, it will take us fifteen minutes. Parked in the garage sir.”

“Thanks Jungkook. Coming home soon, prepare med for Areum. She got a bog bite...” I looked at Areum’s leg. Lines of slightly opened bloody flesh lined along her legs “And a bit of a scratch.”

As I kept walking on the cops were soon long gone or so I think. You never know in this field of work. I had a long ways to go and there was no way Areum could walk on her feet. She wasn’t very heavy so I could handle it. Walking through nature was quite nice actually. It’s not something I usually do. I had to make it to Eastwood before the sun rose because if not I could get caught by someone. I felt Areum shift her head on my back, and soon her hips.

“Baby?” I say to her as she regains her conscious. I went to a tree and sat her down onto the leaves so she could wake up and I could take a small break before we move again.

Areum’s P.O.V

An instant sting shot onto my leg as if somebody took sharp nails and dragged it along on my skin. “Augh!” I whimpered as I reached for the long bloody scratch. I saw that a sweater was wrapped around my bloody wounds. I don’t even remembered what happened after being in that vent. All I remember was darkness. “It hurts.” my voice cracks as my hands tried to rub down the cut to attempt to make it feel better but my attempts only made it worse. I wasn’t used to all this. I mean, small scars and such were common but this? My eyes began to water as the pain only got worse. It wouldn’t go away. Hoseok knelt towards me, caressing my cheeks. “Hey, you’re alright.” 

~

Areum felt Hoseok’s heavy breaths as he continued to walk with her in his arms. Two hours passed and they were far out of the cop’s sight. They were almost to their destination but Hoseok’s steps became slower. Areum spoke “Stop, I could walk on my own now.”  Hoseok shook his head as he kept walking. Sure, he was tired and he exhausted. He could just pass out right then and there but he wasn’t going to let go of her.  “Hoseok.” Areum spoke louder as her fingers gripped his shirt. “Let me go.” “You’ll get hurt more Areum, I’ve already done enough to you!” He didn’t let go her, he couldn’t let her go but soon enough he had to let her go. “Let’s take a break.” he panted. Areum’s P.O.V

I laughed a little as he had to let me go sooner or later. Some long scratched lined my leg and I still felt the sting but it wasn’t unbearable. I could walk on my own now, well, at least limb. By looking at Hoseok slumped down on a tree I had to walk at this point “Okay, just get on my shoulders.” He panted and knelt down. I chuckled a bit as I tightened the ‘band aid’ Hoseok put on my cut. “No love.” I push Hoseok’s shoulders back up. “I need to start doing things on my own.” Five years ago. Areum’s P.O.V

The evening of the ball was wonderful to say the less but as the sun set over the horizon the part I dreaded came. The dance. Where my parents set up certain men from different kingdoms to dance with me. Expecting me to find my one and only true love but the truth was I liked none of these stuck up petty men. They think they all have me at their fingertips when really they all disgust me. With their pristine suits, perfect smiles, and expensive rings. I was so sick of seeing all of them but especially one of them, Namjoon. 

Namjoon was the richest prince there was. Everyone knew him, loved him, and loathed him. He was the number one running to marry in my parents list but certainly not on mine. Taking a class of champagne before the dance I saw Namjoon coming towards me. Even down to the way he walks irritates me. Even though he didn’t do anything to me I just didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t want him to take me away to wherever he lived and trap me as his little house wife. Oh yeah, might I mention, all of Namjoon’s ex wives told me not to marry him because he’s demanding, bratty, and a so called womanizer.

He gave me a smile and fixed his glasses and I returned with a nice gesture. Coming close he looked down to me, admiring every aspect of my long golden dress. He finally spoke “Good day my lady, I’m looking forward to out dance.”  I just smiled and nodded, just because I hated him didn’t mean I had to be rude to the guy. Even though I really wanted to punch his ass to ten buck two. His next words to me made me gag my champagne. “Maybe I could get more than a dance by the end of tonight.”  He swayed away with a wink. Now I really wanted to get out of this place. That man was the epitome of sickness. The bell rung and it was already time for the dance. All the princesses gathered in front of the princes. I took my position right in front of Namjoon. The kings and queens oversaw from the tall stories. Overlooking their daughters with binoculars, seeing if they could see anything “magical.”

The dance has begun and we all followed the elaborate and precise steps to the rhythm. Princes caught us by our waist and held onto our hands tight. Twirling all around the dance floor I soon was caught by Namjoon. My soon to be king. He smirked down onto me as his hand traveled down my waist. I gave him a naïve smile but I really knew what he was doing all along. I couldn’t be more happy to spin again into another prince’s arms but Namjoon seemed disappointed that my body left his presence.

 The dance went on and on and on. “I think we have found the one for Namjoon, may he have your daughter in marriage?” Namjoon’s father exclaimed loud enough for me to hear. My body went into full shock, I just wanted to get out of there. I knew my parent’s would say yes since they’ve been rooting for us. 

Spinning

Spinning

My eyes caught the guards running outside of the palace, everyone seemed distracted so I decided to discreetly take my leave. I lifted my long golden dress up and ran to where the guards were running towards. They led me all the way outside. I heard one of the guards running close so I pressed my back onto the brick wall surrounded by bushes so they wouldn’t see me.  “There he is!” One of them yelled and chased after a man. I tried to get a closer look but all I could see was a leather black mask and all black attire. He seemed to have a black turtle neck a buckles along his chest. Strange, how could he even get into the castle’s quarters. I knew I shouldn’t of but I followed the thief, looking for some new excitement. The guards lost him but I knew exactly where he was heading, the maze. He was taking a shortcut to the maze. One that could be missed by the guards. It was strange that he knew where everything was in this castle, was he one of our workers before? He entered the maze and I came after him. I saw something shiny in his hands, aw it was my bracelet. As I followed I stepped on the noisiest branch. 

Dang

The thief turned back, pulling out a black gun and it sure did look terrifying. Something that’s never allowed on the grounds of the castle. “Who goes there.” He spoke. “Come out or I will shoot.” 

I didn’t really have a choice, the last thing I wanted to do tonight was get shot. Well, maybe it was better than getting engaged to Namjoon. I came out of the bushes and allowed my dress to flow down. I bowed at the thief lifting two sides of my dress up. Once I analyzed his face might I say... He wasn’t bad looking, he looked pretty good for a thief actually. “Princess Bailey.”  The thief stood there for a bit, probably in shock he’s seeing me out of anyone. Hoseok’s P.O.V

 This day couldn’t get anymore stranger. I put the bracelet in my pocket but held the gun tight in my hand. I wasn’t afraid to get royal blood splattered on my clothes. “Who do you come with. Where are the guards.” For some reason she just stood in front of me. Staring me down as if I was some sort of toy in the toy store. She took a step closer to me but I took two steps back, holding my gun higher to her head. If I shot at anytime she would for sure dead. This was one bold princess. She spoke once again “That bracelet, it’s mine. But, you could have it.” “I wasn’t asking.” “What is it for might I ask? Will you pawn it?” She seemed super calm when seeing a whole criminal right in front of her. The biggest one of Korea that is. “It’s for someone.” “Oh a gift? How kind of you sir. If you asked me I would’ve gave it to you.”  “You don’t even know me. “ “Who are you then.” The princess smiled as she stepped closer again “I come in peace, please lower your gun.”  Not budging still I get a small intercom out of my pocket and spoke “Bring the helicopter in the maze.” “Helicopter? That’s not very discreet. This castle is filled with security tools. You’ll surely get shot down.” She sung as her heels kicked the rocks on the ground. I thought about it and she did have a point. “Cancel the helicopter..” I turned the intercom off and looked at the princess. “Okay, then what do you suggest?” The princess smiled and turned to me. Happy that I gave her an inch. This may be a big trap but at this point I didn’t have a choice. 

“Follow me.” She hums.

-

Hello everyone, I hoped you liked the part two of the Mafia’s Princess. Now you know a little backstory, I’m curious if anybody reads my story. If so could you please comment or anonymously tell me so I am more encouraged to continue it? Thank you so much and tell me what you think so far. I might accept request pretty soon! Thank you so much for reading :)

[dontforgetthedragon]

vaguely remembered the one post about how the show makes viewers amenable to the idea of zuko’s redemption from the start, so now im finally watching through atla for the first time i decided to try and note down every time the show does this that i pick up on

Book 1

zuko is always placed alongside iroh, who is naturally very likeable

as early as ep3 zuko is pitted against zhao, who is highly unlikeable. as such, the audience is already being encouraged to root for zuko in certain situations

it is also through these early interactions that we first get a real good look at zuko’s need to have his honour validated with his vulnerable “did you really mean that?” to iroh after he tells zhao that zuko is more honourable than him. this is a much more sympathetic way to communicate this than the angry shouting about his honour he also does

in ep7 we are given our first example of zuko chosing to delay his quest for the avatar for the sake of someone else. in this case, he rescues iroh from his captors, giving aang time to leave for the fire temple

this is also in direct contradiction to his earlier threats to leave iroh behind if he didnt hurry up because catching the avatar was too important to delay. thus this moment also communicates that zuko may be more bark than bite, and that maybe he doesnt rank catching aang as highly on his list of priorities as he talks like he does

the zhao-zuko dynamic returns in the fire temple, when zuko is seen tied up along with katara, sokka etc, while zhao lords it over all of them. thus subconciously we may perceive zuko as temporarily on the gaang’s side through a common enemy

ep12 is of course the big backstory episode for both zuko and aang and the way we are shown both stories interwoven with each other connects the characters and makes us more likely to feel similar amounts of sympathy for both. the visuals also really help with this, eg: the fire nation crew’s can fire transitioning into aang and katara’s campfire

and that shared look as aang and zuko catch sight of each other in the eye of the storm as aang’s flying away? really cemented that feeling of connection

zuko’s backstory also completely recontextualises his scar as a mark of his compassion towards the common people of his nation, and his insistence in the worth of lives

despite his loud assertions that no life is more important than catching the avatar, zuko makes the concious choice once more to let aang go for the sake of others – in this case, his crew – thus solidifying what we learned in ep7

and just in case that was too subtle for some, we also get to see zuko risk his own life actively saving a crew member from certain death. yknow, just to hammer the point home that zuko values other peoples’ lives way more than he’s been actively taught he should

just one episode later we get that little friendship speech aang gives zuko while he’s still waking up after being hit by a drugged arrow. from this we see that aang doesnt want zuko to be his enemy.

we can also infer from their location at this point that aang carried/dragged zuko to safety after discovering his identity either bc he didnt want zhao to find out it was zuko who orchestrated the rescue or he really just wanted to talk to him that badly

interestingly enough i think this also counts as the first real step back, what with zuko’s response and aang’s sad “i guess not”

zhao’s underhand attempted murder of zuko has us rooting for zuko’s survival, as well as bc we hate zhao and dont want his plans to succeed, especially since it comes not long after a very human moment on zuko’s ship

in fact, the fact that we’ve been shown so many human moments beteen zuko and iroh and their crew in contrast with a complete lack of anything like that from zhao all the way through the season makes us much more likely to be emotionally attached to zuko and his antics by this point. zhao hasnt given us anything to be fond of

the moment when iroh genuinely thinks zuko may be dead and you can see it on his face. as mentioned before, iroh is a very likeable character and anything that might hurt him this badly feels like an awful thing. ergo: zuko’s death = awful

iroh and zuko’s little moment of scheming aka the moment zuko’s survival is confirmed. i never thought i’d be so hyped to hear a plot to capture aang for themselves but i hate zhao so much at this point (for previously mentioned reasons plus extra) that if aang had to be captured id be much happier if it were by these two (also im assuming im supposed to be riding the high from finding out that the awful thing that is zuko’s death has not actually occurred)

“ever since i lost my son” “uncle, you dont have to say it” “i think of you as my own”

finally, when the water hand grabs zhao and despite everything zuko tries to save him. this is the guy who tried to have him killed and when it comes down to it zuko still tries to save his life. zhao refuses to be saved. this isnt an unusual trope for the climax of a piece of media but normally it would be the protagonist trying to save the antagonist to highlight the protagonists moral superiority, not one of the antagonists trying to save another antagonist. by placing zuko in the position usually reserved for the protagonist, the show implies zukos capacity to become one

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House Reviews: The Purrfect Gig

The Sam/Luna trilogy comes to an end here, as we get to the most recent of their now annual episodes, each so far produced and aired toward the end of the season. That being said like last season Sam had at least one apperance before this as I saw her in the thumbnail to “Deep Cuts”, the OTHER Lunacentric episode this season. And while it sounded bad to me at first looking into it.. no. The writers, for the most part, gave almost every kid two episodes a piece, and last season gave each 3, so to the writers credit they TRY to ballance out who gets episodes.  

The exceptions are Lincoln, who has around 5 that don’t also feature the girls as a whole, and 2 of those are with Lana, Lori who has 4, 2 of them shared and justifed as she’s possibly leaving for College next season and thus her episodes outside of one focus ont hat, and Lana and Lola: Lana has 3, and Lola has 2, and both have one together. And really even with those imballances it’s really impressive the show juggles 14 leads, with the parents themselves getting 2 this year too, along with Clyde, not counting his ones with Lincoln. | And that’s WITH the baffling decision this season to have the first 5 episodes be “With THe Cassagrandes”, i.e. 5 episodes of the Casagrandes that are counted as loud house episode that weren’t produced over at the sister show for some reason. And I have nothing against the Cassagrandes, what i’ve seen it’s not a bad show: I already have gone on about how much I love bobby, and I also love CJ and new comer Sam. I love the fact it has plenty of representation and a diffrent kind of big family, I love the theme song and I love the fact Melissa Joan Heart is on it because she’s terrific and spent the last decade really not picking her roles well. She was the lead in Holiday in Handcuffs, aka the movie where she kidnaps Mario Lopez and holds him at gunpoint to pretend to be her fiance until he gets Stockholm syndrome for really flimsy reasons. But I dont’ feel i’ts fair to the show to wedge it into another show’s spot: The Cassagrande-Santiago clan has shown up in 2 half hour loud houses and 2 15 minute eps. The kids watching KNOW these characters, and reception of the loudest mission was positive enough to get a spinoff made. You don’t need to spend a huge amount of another show’s episode order to promote a show kids will likely watch because it has characters from a show that airs all the time and is uber popular and has a similar humor style, and fans of the Loud House will at least try becuase they like the mothership and have known was coming for years now. This show HAD an audience going in. I watched both American Dad and the Clevland Show because it was from the same crew as family guy which I liked at the time. Granted American Dad had a decent stretch and Clevland Show .. had David LYnch as a recurring cast member I guess? Seriously david, this and not gravity falls? The point is it feels insulting that they felt the need to try and promote the show more, and all they did was take up episodes of the loud house and confuse children, and possibly turn viewers off a show they would’ve watched anyways. And if your wondering why I took such a massive detour it’s simple: Other than noticing the fact they’ve been specifically making sure each sibling gets more than one spotlight episode, shared or not, and this dumb decision.. Season 4 isn’t THAT much diffrent than Season 3. It carries on plots started there  (Lori heading towards college, Luann and Luna’s relationship), but otherwise it’s basically just more shipping and shenanigans. But really. .that’s far from a bad thing, as I consider season 3 a highwater mark for the show, and it introduced a lot of neat new elements (Lynn’s Table, Stella, Leni having a job) that are still prevelant in season 4. It’s not bad and it’s even more understandable given that next season, every character is growing a year (thank you press releases), meaning they have tons of new plots to explore, and large status quo shifts with Lincoln going to middle school, which out of the four schools shown is so far the most underdeveloped and will need development, and Lori possibly moving out of the house and going to college, among many other things that have me chomping at the bit for next season. But that’s probably a few months away so for now, it’s time to get back on focus and with everything else out of the way, the actual review of this episode starts under the cut. 

We open with Luna sitting in bed sighing when her poster of Mick Swagger starts talking to her. Whatever she’s smoking I could really use some. Depression is a bitch. Anyways, her drug induced hallucination of her hero starts talking to her. I haven’t really talked about Mick yet since the show uses him sporadically but he’s exactly what you’d expect; The show’s version of Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger, only slightly younger.. maybe. I dunno. Maybe he’s been around since the 60′s and is just a timelord. Or a groovy robot. Or has a dorian grey thing going on. We haven’t really gotten into Dino Spimoni situation yet where Luna helps her idol and has to help him reunite with a partner or convince him to stop faking his death. Just a reminder that Hey Arnold is great and that if you think it’s odd his crooner dean martin based idol got talked out of faking his death by a 12 year old, keep in mind he also tracked down the daughter his vitamise neighbor gave up so she could go to america and have a better life, helped convince his neighbors not divorce, and had to save his pig from being eaten in a revolutionary war reinactment. Hey Arnold was far weirder than I remembered and i’m here for it.  Anyways, Hallucination Mick asks if Luna is coming to his concert this weekend, and she HOPES so she just dosen’t have the money for  VIP pass to meet the actual version and do drugs with the actual mick swagger for a change. He says you never know when opportunity will come a knockin and it does in the form of the McBrides! Clyde’s dad’s Howard, the skinny one voiced by national treasure Micheal McDonald and Wayne Brady whose also great.. and i’m not just saying that because i’ve seen this. Don’t be absurddddd....

Howard and Harold are Clyde’s dads... and while Clarence and Steven Universe beat them to having Gay parents in a children’s cartoon, their still the first interacial gay couple in a children’s cartoon, and on a nicktoon period, and even if they weren’t either of those it’d still be fucking great. Anyways the two are nice characters, while i haven’t seen EVERY ep with them their a loving couple, nice parents, and treat the loud kids as their own.. granted that goes too far in one episode, but still, thems good people.  Anyway Howards having a panic attack, respect, and as his husband calms him down, we find out why: the mcbrides are going to pick up nana for the annual family reunion, and their catsitter cancled. Hence Howard’s freakout and Harold worrying about the 20 pounds of amish potato salad in the trunk. So naturally their hoping someone can watch their cats, Cleopawtra and Nefurtiti for the day, and them going to the louds makes sense, both for the obvious of the Louds being their closest friends in the neighborhood, and the not so obvious of a previous episode I haven’t seen having established the older kids as the best babysitters in royal woods, meaning that in addition to knowing them they have skill and this likely isn’t the first time. Luna, not thinking about herself, admits Lori went to hit the golf course early and Leni is at work, a nice way to explaning why it’s Luna that gets the job: She was there and it was implied by the fact she was getting high and talking to her hallucination that Luann isn’t, so most of the other options they’d have without some reservations are gone with no contrivance necessary.  Anyways Luna’s Drug Fueld hallucination,  points out money can be exchanged for goods and services, such as VIP passes, and also mentions sam already has hers. Either Luna’s forgot or her hallucination can use her phone. Either is probable, and is backed up by Hallucination Sam, before both start playing their guitars and Luna air guitars with them. I”m unsuprsied by all of this. She offers and the McBrides take her up on it immeditley. I do like that it avoids the “I don’t know if your up to this” cliche that always happens in these types of scenarios, the McBrides have no reason not to trust her, so they just.. do. Hell Harold only sets out one rule: don’t invite anyone over.. and it’s not even because he dosen’t trust Luna to have anyone over or anything like that, he just knows the cats get anxious with a crowd, though their therapist is working with them on that. And of course the two rich men with a single child have a cat therapist. I would too if I were rich. Harold and Clyde throw and unconcious Howard into the car and their off, they’ll be back at 6. And TOTALLY won’t be home hours early for hyjinks. Totally.  Luna arrives to find a massive binder on feline care. Someone went to the Amy Santiago school of binders. It says to feed the cats at 10 sharp.. and it’s 10:02. Luna tries feeding them but the cats instead attack her in a full on psycotic rage and dump food all over her, so dinners on her. 

Anyways, Luna then tries walking the cats which goes as well as you’d expect.. not because she had to put harneses on cats and expect them to do anything at a certain time, but because they pull hard. I can relate to that with my dog.. not my cat. He just goes wherever he wants because he’s old and kind of an asshole.  Anyways, with the cats now messy from running over a guy with a cake, because of course, Luna looks up what to do next which is.. give.. them a bath. 

Who.. who does that. I know their messy, but use a rag or something. No animal likes being bathed but cats, esepcially one who this episodes shows aren’t declawed (And rightfully so but still), do not LIKE being bathed. Granted they wouldn’t like being cleaned off with a rag or something either, but it still feels less cruel to both them and any prospective babysitter to just hold one down and wipe it off then find the other and repeat. Look witht he walking thing I can see why someone would, in their case because their probably too skittish to let their cats wonder around, and in some cases because said cat is young. But this.. this even for a comedy contrivance is stupid. It’s not the worst uninetional cat abuse i’ve seen in media, Elmyra exists and the mother of the lead of get fuzzy tried putting her cat on a vegetarian diet, which Rob, said lead and a staunch vegetarian himself, not only found concerning but gave said cat the money for takeout.. keep in mind in this strip cats can talk and walk upright. Also I miss when Get Fuzzy was both daily and good. So Luna naturally ends up in the bathtub, soaked and depressed and not sure what to do when her friendly neighborhood sign that the drugs haven’t worn off yet comes by and tells her to shape up if she wants to go to the show with Sam. This gives Luna a great idea. LIke a Zack MOrris great idea it involves breaking the rules.. unlike a Zack Morris idea, it dosen’t involve sexual harassment or a zany scheme. She decides to call Sam, since she’s apparently great with cats and given we saw how she was with chickens last time, not a real stretch. She also pops Mick’s bubble which.. hurts him.. somehow. I dunno.  Anyway cut to Sam arriving. She arrived fast because she was picking a new character up from his gamer’s club meeting: Her brother Simon, who’d been mentioned in side materials but makes his first apperance here. I like him, he has a neat design and i’ts nice to give sam a family life of her own, and he’s a nice if glued to his not-nintendo switch kid. Frankly I hope he and LIncoln meet at some point. I mean he has an opening in his friend group starting next season there’s no way Rusty passes 5th grade. And even if he somehow does, it’s not like adding another member is too much of a stretch given, once they got past courting her, the rest of his group warmly welcomed stella in and it’d be an intresting dynamic having his sister’s girlfriend’s brother in the group. Also if your wondering if i’ll ever stop finding ways to bash rusty in these reviews even when he’s entirely absent..

Anyways, Luna slams the door in the kids face, which he takes in stride , and explains the situation, and after fred fliintstonning him is taken off the table, go with “Sneak him past the cats”. It works because cats never look up at the backs of a gay teenage couple sneaking a small child inside. Luna decides to leave Simon in the entertainment room while she and Sam watch the cats and he finds Clyde’s VR gear and asks to try it on, with Luna reluctantly agreeing as long as he’s careful.. which as far as we see.. yeah he entirely is. The Sharpe’s are good people. 

Cue a montage! Sam helps luna scrub the cats, with brushes as they should’ve done minute one, put them through spa type pampering which is also a call back to the first time we saw the McBride’s house in the series, take selfies, and then sing the cats to sleep, in a really sweet and really well sung lullaby, notable for being the first time Sam’s sung on the show and Allyson Stoner, who I haven’t mentioned but should’ve before this shame on me, does a terrific job and has done a terrific job as Sam in general. Luna thianks her for the help, Sam says no sweat they get to see the show together, and Sam ducks out... before realizing she forgot something. Her wallet... no wait she has that.. OH SHIT HER BROTHER. And before she can get him DOUBLE OH SHIT THE MCBRIDES ARE BACK.  Harold is grumbling about the potato salad... apparenlty Aunt Brenda brought some and wasn’t supposed to. I do like how both McBride dads have their own quirks:While Harold IS the more rational one, he can slip up just like anyone can. Luna prepares to leave.. only to realize oh shit her girlfriend’s brothers in the house still. Her not all complex scheme! She fakes having left something behind to get him out, and once sam calls comes up with a plan: Sneak Simon around back. Sam sneaks around with the bush she ducked into, and we get one of my faviorite tropes: A scooby doo doors sequence! Also the dads speak in unison. Dawww. We also get an adorable bit of Sam gesturing for Luna to hand her the boy. I couldn’t find a gif of it sadly, and I would’ve credited it, but I did find 50 tons of creepy Sam X LIncoln fanart. Just.. why. Why exactly. Why do you do this to me tumblr. And to be clear I have ZERO issue with shipping a character whose sexuality isn’t fully confirmed as just gay in canon with a male character, Bi and Pan representation is important. It’s why I get annoyed at the people who throw a hissy fit any time Della Duck is shipped with Launchpad. Here though I do because it feels like this ship is ENTIRELY a troll, especially since LIncoln has 80 other options, not at all including the icky incest ones, and that I cut and dry have every problem with, and is being done soley to annoy people who ship sam and Luna and are finally enjoying some gay/bi representation on children’s television. If this is a troll then kindly 

Thank you John. So anyways Sam does grab the boy and nearly gets him out the door.. only for the mcbrides to run into their bisexual catsitter shoving a small chubby child out their kitchen window only to have a lesbian fall out into their kitchen. Naturally Howard faints again and Harold is displeased... probably because his husband fainted again.. and you know the shenangians in his kitchen. The only time shenanigans are allowed in that kitchen are when Clyde is sleeping at a friends house for the night and only on the table dammit. They got reinforced oak for a reason.  We cut to the boys playing, which is a nice touch: Clyde being a nice kid dosen’t mind sharing, Simon has similar intrests, and the only time we’ve seen him be eh on sharing is letting Lincoln borrow his new console.. and he not only felt BAD for not wanting him to borrow it and having to try and get it back, but he only did so because the Loud house is insanley chaotic and understandbly he wasn’t sure it’d get back to him safetly. His dad’s rasied him well, he’s a good boy once he got past his ‘Stalking his friends older sister” phase and got into his “anything besides that “ phase.  Luna comes clean to the McBrides and.. Harold appricates the honesty. And both are impressed with how well they took them, with Sam and Luna giving each other credit. So instead of getting upset, especially since Luna was both honest and only called in Sam for help and Simon was an unexpected guest and they both did a fantastic job, they offer to split the money instead. Sam, in a really sweet gesture, then gives Luna her half with no hesitation or prompting from her girlfriend, Luna gives her a cheek smooch and they hug. Then Luna acciently wakes the cats, and we end on the girls singing the cats, Simon and the McBrides all to sleep. Also Luna’s hallucination is alsleep.. those drugs wore off hours ago after all.  Final Thoughts:  A really fantastic setup. Once again the show shows it’s slowly gained talent for taking stock plots (in this case a babysitting episode) and making them actually intresting, mostly by having the characters behave reasonably. While it didn’t really expand Sam’s character, it didn’t really need to , the previous ep with her having fleshed her out as a sweet, kind girl with a talent for animals, and Simon is a wonderful addition to the series massive cast of side characters that , unlike some additions , will hopefully show up again. Seriously half the reason I bitch about Rusty is that the show is great at making charcters, and improving them after a few bumpy episodes as seen with Clyde, Lori and Luann, but yet still uses him and dosen’t make him any funnier, while I can name handfuls of characters who either need more apperances (Girl Jordan) Or haven’t shown up again at all (Carol Pingery, Rocky, Maggie). And that’s not even all of them obviously, but my point stands. But given he’s the brother of one of the main characters girlfriend and would fit in with the main character well, I have a feeling we’ll see simon again at some point.  I also really liked seeing the McBrides, mostly because I haven’t seen many of their episodes, and found them to be delightful, helped by having wonderful va’s behind them as standard for the show and great chemsitry and it was a nice bonus to have the shows two main gay couples interact, without it feeling at all forced, and neither did Sam’s inclusion. And while we haven’t gotten a full on kiss with Sam and Luna, which really they should, CN beat them again on that, the cheek kiss and hug was still very sweet, as is the episode really. It’s funny, heartwarming, and really enjoyable. While itd osen’t have as much emotional weight as the last two eps, I like that it didn’t: For once the conflict was low key but understandable and now Sam and Luna are a full couple, they can just do cute couple shit and get into wacky shenanigans like any other couple on this show without any angst attached. It’s really nice. It also shows that no, a couple being together isn’t boring fuck off will they or won’t they, but i’ve ranted enough about stuff unrelated to this episode. I really liked it and hope to come back to these two someday.  For now as I sign off Pride Month is far from over... as next up I have multiple things planned, but one of the biggest is a FIVE PART series on Red Action and Enid from OK KO. Yes FIVE. All 3 of their romantic eps, and Red’s first two for proper context both for the finale, which uses both episodes as part of the plot, and for a proper view of her character arc and to ease readers into the series better. So be there for that, and a donald duck birthday celebration, and until then, later days! 

[microfeelings]

You know I just realized how rude of me it was to just post the fantasy AU and never elaborate further on, so I'll do my best to write down the most important things from this universe (no timeline because lmao how does a timeline even work)

For Arin it would be the fact that he grew up on a tribe of half orcs, (his mother is a druid orc, and takes care of the horses that help them move around, his father is an elven bard, and because of this he looks less orcish and more femenine than other half-orcs his age, it bothers him at first but he learns to live with it) and when he is of age decides to leave to experience the world on his own and find a meaning to being alive, (he feels like he needs to find a purpose) trains as a barbarian, but leaves before finishing his training and starts taking adventures for money, (freelance adventurer babyy) at this time he cuts off his long hair and buffs out(is that the word??) his tusks (cause he believes hes not that good for his orc part), thats when he meets Ross, (who is trying to kill him but this doesnt bother the man) they travel together for a couple of years and then Ross leaves him for some pirates in the ocean (Or something like that?? Unclear undecided lmao). Then Dan comes into the equation, not much later Suzy, then Ross (who is kind of an on and off character traveling with them), and Brian (same with Ross, but hes justified because he has a family)

The story with Dan is more complicated (and angstier oh yeah). I still havent worked on his whole childhood part, but on his 150 and beyond he was kind of a free spirit, traveling as a bard, with literally anyone who might wanna join, meeting lots of people and sleeping around, he was more of a lover and the works he took were more on the entartaining side than the slaying, he lived without much care up until he was 200 when he met a tiefling lady whom he fell in love with and was decided he wanted to marry, the problem is that they had different views on life (since she was ready to settle down, meanwhile Dan was more of a "keep seeing the world"), even tho he was ready to leave it for her she told him to keep traveling and that she was going to be waiting for him when he was done. At this time (look you really must have bad luck Dan) he fell ill and into a coma of 50 years, when he woke up he found himself in a world where a lot of things had changed, and the woman he loved was dead. Devastated and with nowhere to go he just decided to keep working and travelling, so he joined a band of mercenaries where he met Brian, altho kind of violent (on Brian's side), they hit it off inmediatly and became very close, enough so that Brian presented him to his family, still Dan felt that he needed to keep travelling to fill the void he felt in his heart (and also because Brian was a human, and he couldnt bare the thought of losing him as well, and it was easier to just avoid it by leaving even if it made him feel like a coward). Then he met Arin, Suzy and Ross (I feel like their adventures all together deserve a different post)

Suzy is also kind of a work in progress (I still havent completely decided what drove her to leave her forest so the story might change from post to post). She lived in the forest her whole life (childhood undecided) and when she was around 200 met Arin when he was a teen, they became friends and Arin basically talked his whole life with her, eventually Arin left and Suzy kept living in the forest until a village started growing just outside it and started being rude and mindless on how they treated her forest, so she decided to talk to the townsfolk, they ignored her so she resolved into using fear tactics and that worked for a while, but now her forest was known as a dangerous place where no smart person went, aka a perfect place for mercenaries and other shady groups. She went to the town asking for help but people were either afraid or mad at her (Suzy is not having a nice day) but thankfully Arin and Dan were passing through town when she went to the folk so they decided to help her (sweet reunion between Arin and Suzy <3 the man has bad memory but he still remembered his childhood best friend, also she looks the exact same so... kinda hard to miss, Suzy has thoughts about the beard but this post is not about that). Still not decided why she left the forest (by all acounts it doesnt make sense, but I wanted her traveling with the boys) maybe she convinces the townsfolk to treat the forest better or something cheesy like that lmao.

From this point on the stories become less and less thought out

Ross as a tiefling was always an outcast, and you know what they say, treat someone like a monster and they will become one, he became a warlock at an early age (undecided but he was young) to a demon who would ask him all sorts of favors, one of them being killing Arin: the one favor Ross failed to do, because after trying to murder the man they both got into a life threatening sittuation where Arin saved his life and Ross thought "oh fuck, hes nice". They began travelling together and tho Ross tried to kill Arin a couple more times, tho he could never comit and ended up leaving him so the demon wouldnt find him (or something, how has the demon not killed Ross yet? Loophole! What loophole? I dont know, I havent thought about it yet). He left to travel the seas for a while and met a bunch of people but eventually came back to land and back to traveling with Arin because no one was as cool as him (I guess?) Gets along with Suzy and Brian cause they're scary, and likes to mess with Dan cause its really easy to do (and also because hes jealous of his relationship with Arin lmao) but they get along when its necessary.

Brian's whole life before joining the mercenary is a whole mystery, nobody knows anything about the man, the only person who knows his backstory is Dan, but even he is unsure because he always changes the story (one of them is the true one, which one Danny boy?). All everyone knows it that after Dan left the mercenary group, Brian wanted to retire as well, but the leader wouldnt let him since he was one of the best in their group, and threatened to get his wife and child if he left, so he took one last job to kill a certain Half-orc (everyone wants Arin death, why? I dont know) and after that went as well as expected (lots of knives, Dan trying to convince both Arin and Brian not to kill each other), the group decided to help Brian kill his own mercenary group. He sometimes joins the group on some adventures (Brian's house is one of their many 'safe houses') still enjoys to sometimes stab Dan and Arin, but knows better not to mess with a fucking druid and warlock

Also if you wanna write or draw related to this au, I will love you forever, you can tag it as fantasy grumps, or tag me (but honestly I dont trust tumblr, so you can just message me about it)

[rogueshipagogo]

ppl have been asking me my opinions on space channel 5 vr... and i guess since i bought a vr headset off craigslist just so i could play it and speedrun it before work the day it came out... i should talk abt it now... i dont rly think i’ll be able to separate it into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things i think i’m just going to do a rambly stream of consciousness bc i have a headache... but i DO have good things to say abt this game... so st.... sta stay t tune  d

right off the bat, the thing i appreciate most abt this game- i like that space channel 5 vr doesnt have cash grab vibes. i Do genuinely believe that they Wanted to make this game For the people who are still obsessed with it, and that they ultimately did what they set out to do when they intended to scale certain aspects of the series up conceptually to match the way the fandom perceives it nowadays. but like i’ve said before... i’m not going to Disagree with the very common conclusion that it Needed to be longer, or at Least more intricate plot-wise. one of my fun and fresh excuses for sc5vr being as short as it is is because you arent really supposed to be playing vr games for too long anyways, its really disorienting and kinda painful, but even that doesn’t account for why so much of the game that we got is a rehash of old settings, concepts, songs, and characters. [i dont even have a problem with reusing old songs, i just think the ones they chose ended up being misleading]

for example i think it makes sense that the first report is a remake of the first games first report on the surface, it’s meant to take you back to the way the first game felt and give you an idea of what it means that the games classic scenery can be rendered in actual high quality detail now [same with the recurrence of events like encountering the space pirates in the asteroid belt/the last battle against a villain being singing to it about what it’s done wrong], but i really thought, like, report 1 was going to end up being a simulated scenario for the benefit of lou and kee’s training... which i dont think ended up being the case??? i think they really did write ‘ok here you are in the first game’s setting again, fighting the old enemies again, because... :^) ok have fun playing report 2!’

and then whats report 2... you fight another old boss from the first game... but theres Still no clear villain or motivation for anything thats happening... and there wont be until like... basically the end of the game...

like, glitter is a really cute character, but its kind of underwhelming that shes just a random citizen who was kidnapped by an entity that we NEVER LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT... like part 1 was extremely notable for being about corporate greed and corruption, part 2 honestly wasnt that political in comparison but at least made you do a think wrt purge’s motivation and his methods, and this game just has a plot device that feels like it’ll do smth but then ends up not doing anything beyond what we already learned about it from the information on its character bio before the game was out. if it turns out that cell x is actually relevant again in a future entry in the franchise and they do have a more developed concept for what cell x Is in mind, i’ll do an entire backflip, but for now its just chalked up to being the result of More Space Hijinks that dont need to be explained

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE ALLUSIONS TO CELL X BEING AN ENTITY THAT FEEDS OFF OF DANCE ENERGY... it had me thinking that there would have to be some New Method of fighting it off that didn’t just lend it more power in the process, but nah apparently just tacking on the disclaimer ‘*this dance energy is not for glitter’ is enough to turn it from smth it can consume for power into big attacks you can use to kill it... like honestly it sounds like im asking for a lot from a game that has Never made too much sense, but considering that in part 2 they could add details like ‘oh didnt you know purge can open pocket dimensions? ulala is capable of manifesting tangible dance energy and the only other person who can do that is purge???’, its not like they havent come up with weird new shit for dance energy to do within the plot before. they just didnt do it in this game fsr

like did anyone else think that cell x/glitter was going to be the result of tossing purge out into deep space and him encountering the sc5 universe’s equivalent of an eldritch alien creature, smth more bestial than morolians?? even if purge wasnt part of it, when you say ‘uh oh, this guy Eats this society’s only source of energy!!!’ i expect the stakes to get HIGH, and i want the ramifications of it to be kinda STARTLING, because blank wanted money and purge wanted to ritualistically end the world but something this near to an ecological disaster that would force an entire paradigm shift hasn’t occurred yet in the series?? its totally new!!! there’s a lot they could do with this but OH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT EVERYONE ulala knows how to make dance energy kill cell x instead of feed it she’s got this we’re good no need to investigate more into all that

i can’t explain why the game is like this. and i dont expect grounding to address it in any meaningful way either. i’m sure they’re Aware of these complaints by now- the game reviewing community has Not been kind to sc5vr specifically due to all of these shortcomings [i didnt even touch on the issues with motion sensing and how many of the games mechanics were removed in favor of smth presumably easier to program yet much less satisfying, like Secret Moves just being mini quicktime events and Turning Your Ratings Into Stars just being replaced with the standard Three Strikes You’re Out method of scoring], but the pr team still seems very enthusiastic abt the game and is still promising dlc and potentially even more games in the series after this one- heres hoping that they’ll at least take these grievances to heart and consider making the experience not only more accessible [aka it will... go back to being a rhythm game with controller input.... and not... an exclusive vr experience...], but also as immersive and detailed as the old games, with less reused plot beats. i can let some of it off the hook in this game simply because i’m aware that it began its life as a tech demo that was only supposed to be that initial first report from the first game But Happening All Around You!, but i Really dont think they could get away with doing this little to expand upon the groundwork set by the first two games again. not with the way people remember part 2 being such a vast upgrade from part 1... the bar had been set so high that this just felt like a huge backslide into something even sillier and harder to take seriously than part 1 before we had any idea what kind of staying power the franchise would have as a hallmark of sega’s quirky antics. like... this game is what i think space channel 5 looks like to people who don’t understand the appeal of the first two games. and that scares me

but i guess for the most part, aside from wishing they had done more to revitalize the setting and the lore of the sc5 universe itself, im kind of glad it didnt do a lot to change the existing storylines the characters have kinda forged for themselves- here i was stressing out that they would pull out some plot development that would utterly and drastically change the way we talked abt the series for the rest of time, but so little happened and so little was added to the bank of sc5 lore that we can kind of all just carry on as usual and keep having the same headcanons we always had.

BUT!!! there ARE a lot of cute little details here and there that make the experience feel wholesome and like i said not an utter cashgrab- like so many of the character profiles referencing previous games [all of the references to npcs in this game being relatives of the npcs of the last games made me lose it] and how often ulala changes her expressions up and looks right at you and talks to you. the new music they wrote for the game also all slaps and everyones redesigns [if they got a redesign... rip pudding] are stunning

one of the most important things they did in this game was give a nice sort of Update to every character.... for example explaining that ulala isn’t a rookie reporter any more like she was in the first 2 games, that she’s moved up to being in charge of training new channel 5 reporters, and that while pudding is still somewhat stuck on her rivalry with ulala her career isn’t stagnant either, she was just cast in a romcom series as the lead... which is really nice considering how in the past she was portrayed as somewhat of a loser with almost no remaining fans left from her idol years

and you knew i was going to bring up jaguar at some point HES ALL OVER THIS GAME AND IT LITERALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY LIFE WAS WORTH POWERING THROUGH THESE LAST FEW YEARS AND ALSO LIKE IM A GENIUS FOR SPENDING SO LONG POSTING EVERY SINGLE DAY ‘NO REALLY, HE’S THE SECONDARY PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY, ITS ABOUT CHANNEL 5 AS A COMPANY AND THEIR IMPACT ON EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER ENCOUNTERED THEM AND THAT INCLUDES JAGUAR AS WELL AS ULALA HES INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT BC SHE WOULDNT BE ALIVE IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIM’ i feel like it’s really incredible how in this game he has genuinely nice energy and doesnt withhold praise from ulala just to be helpful in a mysterious way later and he like HAS FRIENDS now. like consider how he went from disgraced former ch5 employee who got mad every time he saw them, to kidnapped robot henchman kinda humbled by the fact that now the turns tabled and ulala had to rescue Him, and now 3 years later his bio is all about how he has a new tv show thats super popular and he has a new entourage of ladies who he considers his '’’’’’comrades’’’’’’’ within the station he founded??? AND AFTER 20 YEARS THEY WERE FINALLY ABLE TO GIVE HIS MODEL JUICY ASS CHEEKS??????????????? NO MORE PANCAKE BOOTY???? THE BOY HAD A GLOWUP AND NO I WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

WHEN I SAY MEOW MATCH THE POSE MOTHERFUCKERS THIS BLONDE BASTARD GETS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE HUNDRED STAGE BATTLE NOW TOO THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE SPACE PIRATES BAYBEE

[teatitty]

Rogues Lore

First of all I want to thank @schweeeppess for letting me spam her with Rogues lore 2 months ago cuz it made this post so much easier to type out when I can just copy-paste everything and then edit it to be more cohesive lmao

Second this is under a read more because it is A Lot

Leonard Snart AKA Captain Cold

He grew up with a super abusive father and his only refuge was when he would hang out with his grandfather in his grandfather's ice truck. When the grandfather died, he grew tired of his dad's abuse and set out to start a criminal career and moved to central. 

(He's the one who started the rogues!) 

He found blueprints for a "cold gun" which he ended up making from scratch (it’s also canon that he knows the gun so well he can remake it out of scraps in about 30 seconds to a minute) and had three main rules in his group: No Killing, No Harm To Women Or Children and No Drug Use. His cold gun is capable of interfering with the speedforce cuz it can reach “absolute zero” which is even colder then Mr Freeze's tech. 

He's also the only cold-based villain capable of mastering this temp. In New Earth he was described as an "adversary" but in Prime Earth (same backstory as before mind you) he's described as being a straight villain whose only rule in the group is "no killing" (which seems to be a pretty flexible rule these days cuz DC has made him more, well, down with killing). He's also much younger here then he was in NE. 

In Flash 2016 #17 we see another upgraded version of his gun that's capable of separating the Flash from the speedforce directly and, in doing so, causing Barry excrutiating pain. Generally, he and Barry had more respect for eachother in NE, to the point that Len even considered him family. In PE, though they have teamed up now and again, Len is far more hostile towards Barry, sometimes even being written in a way that suggests he wouldn’t mind if Barry died.

Sam scudder AKA Mirror Master (the first one!) 

He was a simple convict who just really wanted to learn how to get inside a mirror's reflection. He practiced in a hall of mirrors and, once he succeeded, became Mirror Master. He was a frequent foe for Barry and, during Crisis on Infinite Earths, died around the same time Barry did.

 He was the one who discovered the "mirror world". At one point he got himself trapped there and hated that the mirror world could just get him whatever he wanted instead of him stealing it so he got Barry to bust him out. He could also use mirror's to mind control ppl (dont ask) and this intrigued Barry. 

 On PE he's dating Lisa Snart (Len's younger sister) and is the only Mirror Master to exist. In N52 he, Len, Lisa, Mick and Marco all got fused with their weapons for a while and given meta-human abilities which I. hate because it took away what made them all so cool (I'm fine with Marco tho and you'll find out why in a minute) he's also a really big attention seeker lol

Hartley Rathaway AKA Pied Piper

Alright most of Hartley's info is from NE so: he was born deaf to wealthy parents who got him very high-tech hearing implants. He became obssessed with sounds and started experimenting with sonic technology. Bored of his rich life (and sometimes it's implied he had ableist and/or homophobic parents too) he took to a life of crime after learning how to hypnotize people through music (Pied Piper ayyy). 

He was the first person to ever successfully break out of Iron Heights and did so because he befriended the rats there and used them to help himself escape, adding more to his whole Pied Piper thing. After Barry died he gave up crime and started working to help the poor and underprivelaged (I'm not saying he quit specifically bc of Barry's death buuuuuut most of the Rogues did so). 

He struck up a close friendship with Wally and came out as openly gay! On PE all that we know for certain is that he's a "reformed vigilante" who's the conductor for the Central City orchestra. He used to share an apartment with Barry (yes for real) before he moved in with his bf, David Singh (also Barry's director in the CCPD). Lisa was the one who convinced him to come out to the Rogues, and they were all chill with being gay, their problem came when he started dating David who is, you know, a cop.

He has a pet rat called Moon (cute, right?). Also in pre-N52 canon (cant remember if it was NE specifically or older) Hartley once had a nervous breakdown after Barry arrested him so Barry took him to get help at a mental health hospital :')

(Some artists draw him blonde, some brunette and others go more for reddish-brown it’s kinda confusing)

Marco/Mark Mardon AKA Weather Wizard

On NE he's a two bit criminal called Mark Mardon (he's also white and yes thats important to note) but one day, after escaping from a cop van, he ran to find his brother, Clyde, who was a scientist only to discover his bro had died of a heart attack (however, there's implications that he actually murdered his brother and simply blocked out the memory). 

He then found Clyde's notes on how to create a wand to control the weather and made it for himself. The worst he ever did on NE was imprison a town in winter and after Barry's death he went into semi-retirement (told you the Rogues all did this)

On PE however! He and Clyde are Latino and are the heirs to a huge cartel! Clyde takes over the cartel and Marco wants nothing to do with that life. After their father dies, Marco runs away and eventually becomes Weather Wizard. 

He comes back when he hears his brother has been murdered and gets accused of the crime. He finds out it was Clyde's wife, Elsa, who orchestrated the whole thing and, in a fit of grief and anger, kills her with lightning. He also tries to kill himself at the same time but it doesn’t work. After her death, he curls up into a ball and starts crying because he feels like he hasnt got any family left but then Lisa shows up and is like "yo the rogues are still here for you bitch"

His emotions affect the weather in this continuity and I’m a weak bitch for that but that’s 100% my bias for Ororo Munroe showing itself lol

James Jesse AKA Trickster (the first one!)

James Jesse was born to the Flying Jesses, famous circus performers. He, however, was afraid of heights, and preferred reading stories of Western criminal Jesse James. 

He invented air-walking shoes to get rid of his acrophobia, and this led to his fame as an aerialist at the circus. Buuut he wanted more excitement in life and became a conman instead! He had a lot of wacky gadgets like exploding teddy bears and, after Barry's death, moved from Central to Hollywood and started working in special effects. 

Like Hartley, he even attended Barry's funeral. He once beat the devil, Neron, at his own game and eventually started using his skills for good, collecting weapons of incarcerated villains so they couldnt fall into the wrong hands. He eventually died protecting Hartley during Final Crisis. Deadshot was the one who got him. 

On Prime Earth his parents were straight up neglectful and, instead of creating his own boots, he stole them from STAR labs instead. This version of him is also WAY more fucked up and murdery then NE to the point us long-term Rogues fans got really upset at how much DC had changed him 

On NE his real name is “Giovanni Giuseppe” (swear this is, like, the only italian name DC knows) and on PE the Flying Jesse's were a deliberate rip off of the Flying Graysons

George “Digger” Harkness AKA Captain Boomerang

The illegitimate son of an American toy-maker, W.W. Wiggins, and an Australian woman, Betty Harkness, George Harkness was raised in poverty in the small town of Kurrumburra, Australia. His stepfather, Ian Harkness, hated the boy and made his life miserable. (Like canonically Ian was an abusive alcoholic and even abused Betty who was too ill to defend herself or George. The reason George goes by "Digger" is cuz that's what his mom used to call him before she died; it's aussie slang for "soldier") 

In school, Harkness crafted a boomerang. He discovered he had great skill with the aboriginal weapon and often used it for mischief with his best friend, Mick Wentworth. He further honed his skills while spending some time hiding from the law in the Australian bush. 

When Digger was eighteen, he and Wentworth robbed a general store and were able to make their escape with the aid of Digger’s boomerang. However, this incident caused Digger’s stepfather to kick him out of the house. 

His mother gave him a plane ticket to Central City and told him to get in touch with Wiggins. Wiggins had been searching for a spokesman for W.W. Wiggins Game Company's latest product, a toy boomerang. Under the alias "George Green", Digger auditioned for and got the job. Wiggins outfitted him with a costume and gave him the name "Captain Boomerang."

Ridiculed by the audience, he took to a life of crime instead.

His story is pretty much the same on PE. The only diff being there was no childhood friend and Digger made boomerangs in an attempt to impress his absentee father. Also he has a habit of making up fake stories about himself lmao 

The only one's he really doesnt stab in the back are the Rogues and Harley Quinn but everyone else? fair game. In Flash: Rebirth he and Barry even exchange favours for info and it’s implied this is a regular thing for them

Roscoe Dillon AKA The Top

He technically appears on PE but he's one of Thawne's acolytes so lets just. Skip that and focus on NE instead

Literally his whole thing is that he was obssessed with spinning tops as a kid and taught himself how to spin fast enough to deflect bullets. He became a criminal, tried to blackmail the entire world once, and was Lisa's first boyfriend! 

He was also her ice-skating coach and taught her how to spin super well like himself! He has a very confusing characterization tho cuz sometimes he was written to be all about revenge and killing but other times he was just like the other rogues; a blue-collar criminal who stole things because he liked to. 

He died eventually which I'm not going to try to explain cuz it's...yeah. There's also this whole thing where he could possess people after his death but this was in the silver age and that shit just happened sometimes so whatever 

In short: Roscoe has a really cool concept to him but nobody really knew how to write him so he ended up all over the place

He also has a Spinning Top shaped satellite in space where he stores all his loot (dont ask)

Mick Rory AKA Heatwave

Mick Rory has pyromania! Very severely! He was born on a farm outside of Central and, as a child, was very fascinated with fire. This turned into an obssession and he ended up burning his house down. So fascinated by the flames, however, he never ran to get help, watching his whole house burn down (and killing his parents inside) and he ended up living with his uncle after this. 

On a schooltrip, his schoolmate stuck him in a meat locker as a prank where he gained Cryophobia (fear of the cold) so in retaliation Mick locked the boy in his house and set the thing on fire (again, pyromania). He ran away again and ended up becoming a fire-eater for a circus. That didn't last long either because, surprise!, he burned the place down. 

Desperate to find a way to help his obssession, he happened to see the Rogues operating in Central and decided to take up villainy. At first he and Len got into a few altercations with eachother due to Mick's fear of the cold but eventually they settled their differences and Len officially brought him into the Rogues. 

Mick kinda relies on them to keep his pyromania in check basically. There was a time where he was, briefly, reformed and gained a close friendship with Barry (even being roommates with him. By then he'd already known Barry's real identity for a few years) and used his pyro knowledge to become a fire-fighter consultant. At one point he even worked for the FBI

His backstory is practically the same on PE the only difference being that he never expressed regret for burning down his house, and actually says he wishes he’d burned down the whole neighbourhood instead

Lisa Snart AKA Golden Glider

When I say her NE version is leagues above PE I mean it. 

Like Len, she suffered abuse under their father and escaped it by becoming a figure skater under the name Lisa Star for the Futura Ice Show! Her fame came from her very fast spins, a trick she was taught by Roscoe. When Roscoe died while fighting Barry (brain complications though there’s more to it, but again I’m not going to get into that) Lisa turned to villainy, blaming Barry for her lover's death. 

Her attempts on Barry and Iris' lives were always foiled. She used a pair of ice skates that created their own ice flow, and had many gadgets that caused hypnotism. She also stole Len's gun once but retooled it into a twirling Baton. 

When Barry died she renounced her feud with him and attempted to go straight again with her brother. They created a company that recovered lost or stolen items. Eventually she returned back to a life of crime, went through three boyfriends, all using the name Chillblaine (she named them that iirc), until the fourth Blaine killed her. Len got revenge on that one 

On PE, however, Lisa had a brain tumor (it got cured later) and was a tag-a-long villain for her brother and her boyfriend, Sam Scudder. This version of her never became a skater and is instead murderous just for...the sake of it. She also has this thing about wanting to be the leader of the Rogues instead of Len, and when she's in charge of them for a while the Rogues’ morals change and killing is suddenly fine so. Whatever. NE Lisa is the best (also her whole outfit? Stunning)

Roy G. Bivolo AKA Rainbow Raider (not technically a Rogue anymore but he was a member for a while)

He appeard on PE as Chroma but gets murdered by Grodd so we only have NE canon to use (they did my mans dirty) 

He was a wonderful painter from an early age but was born colourblind. His father, an optometrist, was determined to create a device that would let him see in full colour. Toy didnt get the device until after his father's death but unfortunately the device didnt let him see colour. 

Instead, the goggles could project beams of light that could become solid objects, make him invisible, blind his opponents, or affect the emotions of his targets. Angry that he couldnt pursue an artistic career. he decided to become a thief and primarily stole famous artwork. He was eventually killed by Amunet Black

Evan McCulloch AKA Mirror Master (second one)

Evan was born to rich parents Louis and Carol Erikson who gave him up for adoption because they were too young to be responsible parents. He ended up at the McCulloch orphanage. 

At age 8 he was molested by one of the older boys there and, in self-defence, ended up drowning the him. At 16 he left the orphanage, taking on the name of the woman who raised him and moves to Glasgow (he’s scottish btw) 

He found that it was super difficult to hold down a job but, needing to make ends meet and constantly breaking the law anyway, he turned to a life of crime and became a hitman and then a professional assassin.

One day he got hired to kill his birth father but was unaware of who his target was until after he took the shot. Grief-stricken, he attended the funeral and tried to work up the nerve to approach his birth mother. By the time he had, she'd committed suicide and he turned himself in for his crimes. 

Either the Scottish or US government gave him Sam's old Mirror Master gear and hired him to be a mercenary. 

His first job was scaring Animal Man into stopping his activism, but he failed because of Animal Man’s wife. Refusing to actually kill the wife and children (thanks to his own morals) he gets fired and helps Animal Man seek revenge.

He continues to work as a criminal and supervillain-for-hire, even working out of costume as a mercernary in Britain.

Eventually he found his way to Central City and joined the Rogues, taking over as Sam Scudders official successor. There was a time where he had a Cocaine Addiction which caused friction between him and Capt Cold because of Len’s rule against drug use. 

Throughout all of this, Evan made sure to donate a portion of all the money he ever got to the McCulloch Orphanage

Axel Walker AKA Trickster (second one) 

On PE, Axel was recruited by the Rogues early on in his career. He messed up during a heist and they kicked him out (they'd never do that but w/e) 

He worked for Mob Rule as a henchman for a bit then went freelance when MB was arrested. He saved Cold's life cuz he felt he still owed Cold a debt. When Grodd took over Central, Axel tried to join his side but Grodd tore his arm off from the bicep (ouch) and left him to die on the street. Axel got himself a cool sleek robot arm and returned to crime anyway. He got accused of murder, Barry cleared his name, but he still got sent to Iron Heights for other charges. 

The Rogues, hearing about this, went to bust him out and were like "okay fine u can hang with us" and he stayed with them from then on

In NE canon, while Jesse was working with the FBI, Axel stole all his gear and ended up working for Penguin in Gotham. Penguin gets attacked by Tarantula, Axel fails to stop her and a few days later he gets caught by Robin (Tim) for causing trouble in Gotham. 

He moves on to work with Amunet Black, but after her defeat is offered to join the “new Rogues” by Capt Cold and accepts the offer. Some stuff happens, he fights the OG Trickster who leaves him in a dumpster and tells him never to pick up the gear again, then Axel answers an ad from some college students asking for a trained hero to teach them some things, he has dinner with them and then kills them all. Neat.

When Jesse died, Axel redonned the Trickster gear and started operating his own crew out of an old Rogues hideout. When the Rogues returned to Central, Axel found out they were gonna retire and go underground. He rejoined them to help them get revenge on Inertia for manipulating them into killing Bart Allen, and he stayed with the group henceforth. 

Evan explained to him that joining the Rogues wasn’t a matter of him wanting to be one, but why he needed to be one

In short: Axel is a punk kid who wants to fit in with the big boys and the Rogues are the only ones who really gave him a chance, acting like his older siblings. It’s worth noting that canon never mentions any relatives for him so, as far as we know, crime is all he’s ever known

And that’s all of them!

[vaguelygeiszlerian]

1 to 50

ok i just saw this existed, i live on tumblr mobile where i ignore the activity tab and scroll endlessly, bear w me

Animated character that was your gay awakening? uhhhhhhh,,,....,,,.. if i remembered anything abt my childhood i would tell u, im gonna say rukia from bleach because i want gorgeous short people to step on me

Grilled cheese or PB&J? peanut butter Always... tho if it was a fancy grilled cheese (there is a special preparation).... i would be torn

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? it really depends! i bounce around, i watch a lot of baumgartner restorations, i watch a LOT of nyx fears video essays on horror movies i would never watch, i watch longplays of, like, nier automata bc im still delighted by cryaotic?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? i dont really get to order a lot of drinks at bars, itll depend, if im with friends ill order as many things off the cocktail menu as my money allows, if im with my parents ill order long island iced teas or whiskey and lemonade

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? i literally own like 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being the only pair i can actually safely wear haha.... but my favorite pair is the black red and gold converse that dont fit anymore but still remind me of high school

Top three cuisines? mexican, italian, whomever the fuck invented kasoundi

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? yeah as said above i have no clue about anything about my childhood so idk i think mum said once that my first proper word was just ‘no’ which sounds abt right

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? idk if my last job counts? i mean i used to do all round garden labor stuff until my pain got worse and i literally couldnt anymore so i got relegated to desk work

Look up. What’s directly across from you? oh a container of pesto i didnt like the flavour of and just... forgot to throw out.... i will do that tomorrow

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a rwby poster signed by ray and jack? its p cool

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? preferred right now? wrapped in a metric fuckton of blankets w my partner

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i..... dont like bagels

Brunch or midnight snacks? i live a weirdly scheduled life, midnight snacks and brunch are interchangeable to me now, so both

Favorite mug you own i..... dont really have one? all of my actual mugs that are mine have my deadname on them haha

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? overbrewed black coffee that someone left to go cold before dumping six packs of sugar in

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) ‘ And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me ‘ bc we all love a bit of mitski when we are feeling the self isolation creeping in

Fruity or herbal teas? fruity teas only! or rather i drink fruit tisanes! but if you mean actual tea then herbal, i only drink peppermint tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? fruits basket! everyone watch the reboot

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? all the books i read for class sucked but medea wasnt so bad

Do you match your socks? only when theyre very fun patterned socks, and even then sometimes i will match them to the wrong pair but the same pattern, aka my double watermelon combo (i have a pair of green socks w watermelons and a pair of black socks w watermelons so)

Have you ever been horseback riding? no and i never will because i am fucking terrified of horses

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) uh.... uh i mean im not sure if it counts as a phase but i was stupid into vampires (to the point of me and my friends constructing the intricate theory that our teacher was a vampire and we had to kill her by the time we graduated (she was not and we did not and i hate all of those people now) i was just the weird conspiracy kid i guess, we used to spend every lunch staring across the oval at a house we were SURE an alien lived in (it was just a plastic bag being rustled by a fan)

Have you ever been to jail? bkdnbrb god no

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? im a lazy susan

Puzzles? i cant solve a rubiks cube but give me a 2000 piece jigsaw and ill sit there for 6 hours trying to solve it

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? oh this is tough..... orange juice, the fancy kind but with no bits in it, i used to like the bits but these days i just want a clean juice experience

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? ,,,,,,the ya fiction section, i never buy anything from there but i like to see if series i read as a teenager ever got new instalments after i stopped liking them

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? how to sleep like a normal person

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? uh, it depends! lizzo or my playlist of musicals! (which is literally just starkid/tcb stuff)

Where could someone find you in a museum? i could literally be anywhere, probably in front of some old piece though, just staring for an hour bc im struck by the majesty of it (and my legs probably locked up so i couldnt move anyway)

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? so i have a nice white button up and some really nice jeans i just got, and my suspenders, and my cool blue heels that i know i cant wear bc my legs cant handle walking in heels anymore, but it would look cool am i right

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? i look up at my roof which is almost entirely covered in glow in the dark stars and then stare into the camera (i wish every day that my roof was like the roof of the healthy harold van, i still have fucking dreams of that beautiful ceiling)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? non traditional? id want a lizard that could curl round my shoulders like a leathery scarf

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i dont have any photos on my wall so art by default

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i just want the pensive emoji tattooed in the small of my back so if i wear a crop top everyone has to suffer with me

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with fuck superheroes they suck, can i hang out with jason todd red hood style

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? oceans, i want to go to the beach so fucking bad

Favorite mid-2000s song i dont really have a Big Favorite but like..... i constantly thank god for esteban

How do you dress when you’re home alone? ive been in the same sweatpants and old paint shirt i got from my painting and decorating course for three days

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? armchair closest to the kitchen, perfect to make a quick escape if dad comes in

Knives or swords? knives, i dont have the upper body strength for swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving? oh uh run away with me by crj, *bwoooooooo buhnuhnuuuuuu buhnuhnuuuuuhhh buhnuhnuuuuhhhhh*

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY CERTAIN PARTS FROM EACH OF THEM BC COLLECTIVELY THEY SUCK BUT PARTS OF THEM ARE PERFECT

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? no caption i dont want people to really acknowledge that i post things

Name a classic Vine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQds9PQ7CA

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? hash browns hash browns hash browns ONLY

How do you top your ice cream? god its been so long since ive been able to eat ice cream.... with the reeses peanut butter ice cream shell topping

Do you like Jello? jelly is the pinnacle of our society and i wish i were eating it right now

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? i wish i had a picture of myself and my partner so i could set it as my phone lock screen (that or i wish i had a picture of me and a friend i really dearly miss bc i have pics of her in my phone but not of us together and i want some but i cant bring myself to say so)

How are you at climbing trees? theres a tree in my front yard i used to be able to hang off but nowadays i think id hurt myself just trying to lift my nasty meat sack off the ground trying

[lordeasriel]

Ok, I’ve read chapters 1-11 of The Secret Commonwealth and this is my set of impressions so far. I’m using the audiobook, which is wonderful and I recommend it! Under the cut for spoilery reasons:

First and foremost, the audiobook: Michael Sheen is A-MA-ZING! And because he did La Belle Sauvage too, lots of voices are recognisable and I love it. Pan sounds a lot like young Malcolm, but less sweet and more sharp and snappish and it’s beautiful. Marcel has hints of Bonneville = Papadimitriou aka disgustingly smooth but scholary and witty. Lyra sounds amazing; Alice and Hannah have the same voices as they did in LBS (i love you michael for this). Malcolm has a mix of Coram’s voice and Asriel’s voice, he sounds worldly and sexy scholarly at the same time, I love it! Olivier sounds like a lil bitch.

I love the part where Lyra is telling Miriam about her origin story and it’s added that she wasn’t sure about the horse, but she liked it. She won’t give up on the romantic vibes of Asriel saving her, first the swordfight, now a horse lmao;

“I saw someone being mudered” Pantalaimon no chills lmao I love this adult Pan, he is so special to me, but then again I always loved him and his grumpy mood.

The Hyperchorasmians: this was such a wild moment, I laughed out loud and was like “is this a self meta?” but someone did brought to my attention it may be a self parody, I love it regardless.

Pantalaimon saying "I do exist (...) we exist” and so on, was really powerful, because it feels like a horrible existential crisis and I get his anger with Lyra and I feel his entitled to it. Right now, they’re struggling with their sense of self, yet they are one, and while Lyra finds that concept interesting, Pan is afraid because the same concept suggests he ain’t even real. In our world, our existential crisis consists of asking “do i exist or not?” but in Lyra’s world, is like asking if only a part of you is real and that’s bloody horrible to even think about.

I love how smoothly Pullman retconned Alice’s age, in “Lyra now thought she wasn’t as old as she first thought” like yeah my man, nice try, but I see through the lies of the jedi your retcon, yet I love it all the same lmao I’m glad she’s alive and well.

I love that remark of Lyra having learned how to charm people and manipulate information out of them with her wits and small talk. That’s such a Marisa trait, at least as I always perceived her and it really made be bubbly and cheerful as I noticed that.

I also noticed how Lyra refers to Asriel either by his name or as Lord Asriel, and she still refers to Marisa as Mrs. Coulter, although she acknowledges them as father and mother when other people refer to them that way. I’m a little sad she doesn’t refer to them as mom and dad, but then again i feel like they never earned that treatment from her and I get it.

Pan suggesting Malcolm and Alice may be lovers and Lyra stares at him then ignores him because the mere thought of it it’s inconceivable LMAO

Lyra remembering Asriel’s moonlight walk with her was too much for me, that’s as emotional as I’m gonna get. It really made me sad that Asriel was living hand to mouth and that he left her nothing; to think that his most recent luxury was his house arrest on Svalbard is, well, sad.

On a happier note, Dr Carne supporting Lyra is my favourite thing. He cared enough about her to actually give her a home and support, and I think people should respect him more. This guy is the father Lyra had, however quirky the entire situation was and I have an immense love for this character.

Oh my God, I cannot believe they kept Lyra in the dark for so long. She is so fucking clueless about everything! What is wrong with those people? Tell the girl everything for fuck’s sake! The moment she snapped I snapped too; for fuck’s sake, she should have known about that stuff the moment she came back from the other worlds. Also, the fact she does not know about Asriel and Marisa is infuriating, but that one I can forgive because they kinda did threw themselves into a fucking void and didn’t wanr anyone about it, so...

HOW THE FUCK IS THE MAGISTERIUM STILL STRONG???? I am so fucking angry! I can understand why it takes a long time for them to dissolve entirely, but they are still strong and influential and Asriel’s war was for absolutely nothing. He and Marisa died for nothing, everyone that died there died for nothing and I am so angry because I hate theocracies with every fiber of my fucking being and I AM SO FUCKING SMAD;

Lyra does mention “the witches of the north” and that got me thinking that there may be more types of witches around the world and that not all of them have split daemons. But I don’t know, just a thought.

I only read 11 chapters, but so far I am 95% percent sure Lyra and Olivier are going to end up together by the end of the third book. I will not elaborate on this now since I have very little to go on with, but I will speak more as I read more. I do not approve of this, but I fear this may be the route Sir Phil is going for. I hope I am wrong.

Malcolm’s description of his feelings for Lyra are creepy and cringe. If he only, I don’t know, “discovered” his feelings for her recently, I could overlook it with a certain frown, but he’s been having those weird ass feelings since she was his student and a minor and that’s creepy, to say the least. I know he acknowledges that what he felt wrong was wrong and weird, and wow, thank god, but the fact he indulges himself on those feelings now that she’s older is weird. I feel like Pullman is deceiving us, I’m just not sure. I love Malcolm, I do, and I am slightly attracted to him now lmaoooo but no, you see? No. Not okay, but as I said before, I don’t think they’re ending up together. I hope I am right.

Also the way Pullman describes it lmaoooo “Malcolm Polstead, age 31, was in love with Lyra” or something like that. It was so funny, I felt like I was read a very well-written fanfiction that suddenly the author had a stroke and wrote as if they’re 12 and in love. It was very cringe, I don’t know, I was embarassed on Malcolm’s behalf.

I really love that Oakley Street is still going strong, sort of lol and that Malcolm is now a member and I hope we get to see more of them. I love spies and I love Oakley Street and I’m sad Nugent is dead.

Makepeace referring to Pan as “my boy” warms my heart because it shows the daemons’ treatment we should see and treat them: they are people and they have feelings and they exist and should be acknowledged. I just cherish the whole conflict between Lyra and Pan because this is what it feels so far: the struggle of being who they are and the pain that comes with it.

I have an unpopular opinion here, but I love the relationship between Pan and Lyra; I love their banter, their fight, their anger with each other. It feels right, although I am sad that they are fighting a lot because of the existence business, I think Lyra is really being inconsiderate with Pan. But, I think their constant disagreement is in-character; they always disagreed with each other, they always were very different from each other, so I love that they struggle with that, it’s just sad that they’re bordering on self-loathing and they need to work on that. I want them to find the spark of love they had, but not to the point where they are clingy again; they’re people and they’re different and they are the same person, so they need to come to terms with that. It really hurt me when Pan had to yell that he exists, that hit so close to home and I don’t know, I felt speechless for a moment.

Pan saying: “You are in a world full of colour, and you wanna see it in black and white” was a powerful. I really appreciate how that argument was handled. It’s beautiful and sad and painful to listen, there’s so much emotion in Lyra.

Back to Malcolm, I think that Pullman is going for a weird route here, not gonna lie. But so far I think that Malcolm’s awareness of its weirdness is alright, I think and as long as he never acts on his feelings, we’re gonna be fine. I want Lyra to end her story alone and with a healthy relationship with Pantalaimon, because that’s what really matters in life.

Now, more Oakley Street: I’m sorry but Glenys Godwin is awesome and I am so happy that a woman is the head of my favourite spy organisation, thank you sir phil for this gift. I love her and her daemon, and that OS is a bit stronger than before. RIP Lord Nugent, thank you for your service, you ruthless bastard.

I do not trust that priest tho; I think it’s cool and stuff, but I just dont trust religious figures in general lmao i hope he is not a traitor.

I don’t know what is wrong with Marcel, but I like him cause he’s clever but I hate him cause he’s a Magisterium bitch. I had the spoiler that he is Seasea’s brother, I had this theory that maybe they’re twins, but so far it hasn’t been mentioned and I am horribly curious. I wonder, did he changed his name? Did Marisa change her name? I thought van zee was canon tbh

Giorgio Brabandt is a man, my friends, and what a man he is. He is AWESOME. I loved him immediately. I love the gyptians in general.

What the heck is happening to those roses?

[journalofasadperson]

journel

I had another journal before this and i typed in it. but i have no idea if i should post it because of how harsh it sounds. i say a lot of swear words so like.... 

keep reading at your own discretion

tw self-harm,death,among many other things

2:56 September 14 2019

I really want to use the machete. And no! It’s not for cutting my self you sick bastard. Like I think about it, but it doesn’t mean I will do it . I hate when people assume things and assume I don’t have self control and that I am just “crazy”. I WONT DO IT JESUS CHRIST I CAN HEAR YOUR THINKING FROM HERE :< I want to use it for fun!! Like cutting plants! (More like weeds) it’s fun clearing things out

I think mum is trying to make feel better about eating watermelon with my mouth here in Peru

Damn not remembering must suck. But then again if I lost certain memories I wouldn’t mind.

I like the country side more. Hunting would be fun as long as the ecosystem needs it. Though I still wouldn’t kill bears :< it’s too sad. Unless they really are hurting others.

Ha ha oh ya the phone has destroyed everything :, ) lmao it has completely destroyed everything. And aw yes science going ahead and further is making more corruption. Aw yaaaaa 🙄🙄🙄 this guy I swear.

At this point I have been quiet for so long. This is the quietest I have ever been. I feel very mute. If I start talking no one will listen to what I say because of age and all that bullshit.

The people are nice. Very caring :). There are just certain things we don’t agree on.

Coming back to the city - 7:29pm same day

5:28 September 21

Going to go home at midnight! I talked to the mama and she was super sad. Talking about how she is forgetting things. I wonder if that will happen to me?

8:25 in Salvador (high up in the air) sept 22

So I saw a big burly man hugging his stuff animal (dog), rippoff Justin biber, and discounted Jesus. (also a latino version of captain sparkles)

2:25 pm in US,Seattle, Oct. 25

well, hello cool area! I am back to typing on this note. Because i am still sad as fuck. Or something. I can’t tell the difference. I’m just really.fucking.tired. I want to sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I want to sleep forever... you know I can see how my past self wanted to kill myself. I know most of my friends don’t feel indifferent but you know. When you are like this you think the opposite. I feel a lot of love from my best friends though. A few people from discord. I can’t wait to go to school next week. I want to get out of this fucking hell hole. I think I’m going non verbal. Which fucking sucksSUCCCKKKKKS! But oh well. I wonder if my brother cares at all. Like I know he does. But I guess not the yelling part sense I am 17. Gee thanks bro. I hate getting yelled at. I am very sick of it. I wished I did die. But I don’t want too. I just want to not get yelled at for being “stupid” or for being a “dumbass” but hey at least grandma and Ramiro don’t yell at me. I hate this feeling. I thought the whole yelling at me and telling me she was going to hit me would be gone by now. You know?? She only hit me once. And too used yell at me all the time. That’s why I hated middle school for a period... it fucking sucked, I hated going back home. I am always anxious. Like... can I even sit??? Or something? And they tell me you are being lazy or not doing things you should be doing. I should be doing something with the house or some shit. I get it bro, maintaining a house is fucking hard. I never said it was easy. FUCK nothing is easy and I hate how they think I think it’s easy. Of course fucking not. You think I am that inept. That I don’t care? Well fucking news flash! I do. This is why I have voices in my head ladies and gentlemen and non-binary lovelies! They remind me to do things and talk to me through things. They are very helpful at times. I should have stayed depressed... Maybe then I would be oh so fucking helpful. I need to get this out. Thank god for notes in my phone. Thank god for my phone in general. I would have died earlier with out it. Getting info on what self harm is and seeking communities for comfort is great. And learning is better on here anyways. So ya, fuck you.

10:53 am Oct 26

Mum said people would leave me if I am not more considerate. Aka better :) and love me haha.

I keep having nightmares

11:23 am

I am not feeling great. I am thinking suicidal again. I don’t like it. Every time I look at mom I get nervous..... I haven’t taken my meds.

Just took them. Maybe that why I am happier. Because I blocked out all those times she has yelled at me and belittled me. I don’t like remembering that.

...footsteps scare me

But anyways! Thank god for the meds! Helps me forget some of this shit! :)

(I know that’s not good but like what else I’m I supposed to do)

I can’t to go to LA and spend the rest of my life there. I want to live with my best friends! And have fun and not get yelled at!

11:48

Forget anything I said. I am going to forget and pretend none of this ever happened.

So I woke up! And I had nightmares! But that’s okay because I got to sleep in a little bit more! And I can’t wait to bake and me and my grandma are going to spend time together! :D and my mum is going to go with my brother!

10:32PM Oct. 28 2019

My old roommate Don epfaniyo came by. Got beaten up really fucking good. They kicked him, scratched him and punched him. He went to the hospital last night. Went there at 9:00PM? He said the fight started at 9:00PM. Probably the fight didn’t last that long. But fuck. He is not doing so hot right now. Both of his eyes are red and his skin looked like he was skidded on the pavement.  They (don Carlos/epfaniyo and right now my roommate who is about to leave) are joking around. Glad they can still laugh, but that also means they are used to it. I hope his in law can find peace in his soul.

5:07pm Oct. 29 2019

Finished a doc appointment. It was super weird though. The nice pregnant lady kept asking me questions, like a lot of questions. Like if I was being abused at home or if I felt safe at home/ with myself. I wonder if I do look worse for wear... she was super nice though :) I’m glad I talked to her she didn’t judge me at all. I wish she was always my doctor. She asked me about my mental health and how I was doing at school. To be honest I don’t know if I lied. I tried my best to talk to her though. I have been having urges to kill myself I told her but I reassured her I wouldn’t because I have people that care about me. I don’t want them to be alone. I don’t want to die to be honest. I just want too move out and get more help. I want to explore more :) I can’t wait to leave. The next days will be tough because I won’t have my meds... first time I am without my meds. I don’t think things are going to go super good. But it’s going to be okay :D

7:38pm Nov 9

I guess I can’t fuck up with paco either. I get scolded for almost throwing up at his poop. And sneered at me saying “you can put away the bags right? You won’t vomit then?” Like geez woman I’m sorry I’m learning. Paco has been coughing a lot. And I don’t really wanna play because he has a fuck ton of more energy then me. He deserves a better family to be honest. Mum wanted this and I went along cause I wanted to give paco a good home and I thought maybe if he came things would get better. But why do I lie to myself.

God,maybe I am a fuck up.

9:10pm Nov 11

I feel like fucking shit. To be honest I don’t even know how to breathe some days and when I go to therapy I forget I was sad and not lie, but forget to write down I am wanting to die. I want to break everything I own and die. How can I function when my mum wants to tell me what do. Oh sorry forgetting about time because to me TIME IS NONEXISTNET FUCK YOU.I DONT HATE YOU I JUST DON’T SEE YOU ANYMORE

I wonder if this is why people kill themselves. Do I hate myself? I don’t I do. Logically its not my fault. I think anyways

Paco is being cute though. He is a nice distraction. GOD I hate that Carla was right about keeping a journal. Oh I forgot to mention abby is not interested in me. Which gives me so much closure! (I had no idea what her feelings were so like I do I proceed thy friendship lmao)I am thankful for having good friends. I just wish I didn’t see everyone like npc though. I feel like they are npc because I don’t know. I am glad paco is here, he lights up the place even though he poops EVERYWHERE. lol. Anyways I keep hearing the voices sometimes really strong other times I feel like going crazy. Like actual  crazy none of that fake shit. Like fuck man. I go into this mind palace and force all my frustration there.i am allowed to go crazy I am allowed to scream and walk around the streets singing/dancing/talking to myself.its fun I am allowed to break bottles and walk around with my mother worrying about me. She is not there in that plane she is at home not worrying about me.

The song of the day Good day by BTS

Keep fighting

[niennavalier]

And now a bit of Endgame ranting cause I saw a post on it. And to just call bullshit on the time travel thing at the end.

Granted, just to clarify: I dont take that much issue Steve going back for Peggy, in terms of character and story. AKA: yes, I ship Stucky, but this post isnt about that relationship. Do I think it wouldve worked better to give Steve closure in terms of moving on and finding a new family? Yes. Do I think it wouldve been really nice to have Steve and Bucky and Sam and the Avengers being that family in the present? Kinda yeah. But did I kinda expect them to go this route anyway? Also yes, based on Steve's vision from AoU.

If they hadnt just had old Steve at the end cause that RUINS EVERYTHING.

IIRC this was later explained as being essentially a full, closed loop, where Steve always went back in time and lived with Peggy and was always Peggy's mysterious husband that the fandom has always wondered about. And that this works because an alternate timeline is only created when an Infinity Stone is moved through time, as explained by the Ancient One. (Which is already just so damn specific like why would you know this one thing?? But I guess there's magic so I cant argue there all that much)

But this still DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

Just on the writing side, this really feels like a desperate attempt to cover a plot hole. Because the explanation is "oh, well it's a time loop because we never said it couldn't be a time loop". And while that's fine for fanfiction, fanfiction isnt a multi billion dollar grossing film. Like, yes that explanation isnt wrong, but it's so messy, because there was never any precedent set up for it to ever be a time loop. They did such a great job explaining how travelling back in time would cause timelines to diverge, that I, at least, understood that to be the type of time travel they were playing with. And it works! But the lack of explanation of time loops in the movie makes it hold up terribly if you're SOLELY watching the movie. I mean, you shouldn't need to watch interviews to understand the movie. Basically, its sloppy, so I reject the possibility.

Also, it just messes with canon? I doubt I need to explain the whole "Steve is too much of a dumb golden retriever to be able to live in the past and not change shit". At the very least, no doubt he'd save Bucky from Hydra. Nuff said.

But mostly, it messes with Peggy, especially with the Agent Carter show. For one, that scene at the end of season 1 which was written for her to let go of Steve and move on? That suddenly means nothing - the same problem as with Steve - except for some reason this pisses me off more? Like, how DARE you mess with Peggy Carter's character arc, you monster. Also, it makes the timeline strange? Because if this is supposed to be read as a full loop in which Steve was always her husband (which I assume they're justifying with the fact we never got confirmation as to who her husband was) then that means he didnt show up until after the events of the TV show. Season 1 starts in '46 and season 2 starts a year later. And if season 2 also spanned a year, he didnt show up until 1948, at least? Which just...why?? Steve has no reason to go back to a time 3 years after the end of the war. (Frankly, I'm of the opinion he wouldve gone back far enough to help in the war...and maybe taken Rhodeys advice and pretended he jumped out of the plane, idk. But still, gone back to the same year, at least, as when he was originally presumed dead.) But even if he was smart enough to wait until after 1945 so as to not mess with the timeline that much...why 1948? Why wait that long, or longer, when his entire reasoning was because he wanted to get that life with Peggy? Just...what??

Also! That line from the recording in Winter Soldier. The only reference we've ever had as to who Peggy's husband was. About Steve saving a battalion in 1945, and her husband being from that battalion. I personally remember this line being tossed around a lot because it was the reasoning that Daniel couldn't be her husband because he was discharged before then. But it should also mean Steve isnt her husband because then he saved...himself? Yeah, maybe time travel incident and he poofed himself into that battalion on accident so past him did actually save future him. But 1) that's fucking convoluted. And 2) again, why wouldn't he be in Agent Carter? Which means this is just apparently a complete lie, and the only evidence we thought we had is actually nothing at all. Or the logic behind that statement is like "Steve also saved himself by saving the battalion because they got through the Hydra blockade safely" but...I'm sorry, that's dumb, and I cant imagine Peggy talking around a point like that. (And no, she wouldnt be talking circles like that to conceal the fact Steve is her husband cause you know what would be easier? Not making that reference at all.)

Plus the fact this was clearly never their plan? Fairly certain the Agent Carter writers said at some point that the show would answer that particular mystery (all the more reason it should've gone longer) and I highly doubt this wouldve been said answer. Also just the existence of the Steve and Sharon ship in canon because uh, gross. (Although again, this wouldve been fine if they hadnt just put old Steve in at the end because then Steve wouldve gone back and made a divergent timeline. Meaning that Sharon in the original timeline wouldn't have...known Steve when she was a kid? So at least theres that?)

(Personal opinion is that the original plan was to have Steve die in Endgame because of that scene from AoU and the implication seeming to be that he gets back to Peggy somehow. Not necessarily dying instead of Tony or anything, but just that he wouldve died. Or at the very least, they weren't planning to have old Steve show up because of problems)

Rant over.

[ocean-butch]

How is cas different from ur other girlfriends

akcjwjxia i had to wait like SIX HOURS to answer this bc of a goddamn test i had bUT OH BOY ANON AM I GONNA LOVE DOING IT alfjadjsk i just love talking about my gf i love her so much i wanna gush about her 25/8

the short answer would be basically in every way bUt imma do it part by part.

okay so, in a simplified version i’ve had relationships with people whose personalities worked well with me but who were shitty girlfriends or a good girlfriend who just didnt really fit with my personality. i’ve actually given that so much thought even before i met cass, but the point is that i met her and she was just perfect for me in both ways (technically its more complicated bc theres a bunch of logic into this that im not explaining bc my mind is weird and it would be Way too long but anyways). but ok let get into How she fits me perfectly.

first of all literally no one ever in my entire life has made me laugh as easily and genuinely as she does. im not even exaggerating, like laughing was never really A Thing for me to look for in girls bc it just never happened???? like i had fun conversations and stuff but there was never anyone that made me go “holy shit i have never laughed this much with anyone else” and we have So many inside jokes, which is a thing that i almost never have????? and i always used to wish i did bc everyone would talk about it and i’d feel like i just wasnt funny and That was the problem. and also this is really important bc its one of the things that made me realize that i liked (and eventually, came to love) her. bUT its not the only one so theres also like all these things that we like and we can talk about for HOURS like i remember when i watched infinity war and the first thing i did when i got home was call her and we talked about it for like 2 hours idek but it was great. the point is, we have a bunch of shared interests (which isnt like 100% necessary but its still really nice), wHICH LEADS ME TO: her music taste is amazing and i love that so much bc i love music With My Entire Soul and its the best thing in the fucking world (after cass & my friends and tied with the ocean) but yeah thats great too. AND i think more importantly than the last 2 things is that she is literally so fucking easy to talk to. like ever since the beginning we didnt really have that awkward phase where we run out of things to talk about and the conversation keeps dying like we never had that it just flowed so well and that was such a good feeling. another thing is also how comfortable i feel talking to her.

like i have never felt this way with any of my girlfriends bc i was always scared that i was gonna be annoying or say something Wrong and they’d start to realize i sucked and then break up with me, but shes just so kind and idk she just has this way about her that makes me feel at home and its always been there like i dont believe in love at first sight or anything like that but i swear to god the day after i met her i already felt like i could tell her anything and that was such a comforting thing and i needed that so badly at the time. i dont feel like i was able to describe this aspect very well tbh like im not doing it justice. like, she makes me feel like im not annoying at all, and like i could just randomly start ranting about anything and she would be like super invested in it, and just literally so comfortable in every sense of the word. she is my home, no ifs ands or buts, i just feel it every single time that we talk or that i simply think about her, and i have never felt this so clearly with anyone. and i think this comfort i feel with her is kinda connected with how she has always made me felt so appreciated, in a way that no one has ever done. like, i had like 2 tags about my wants and needs in a relationship, there was “my dream girl” to remind me that i shouldnt settle for anyone after i got out of a rlly bad relationship, and there was “things i wish someone would tell me” after my “first” relationship (i dont really count it bc Officially™ we only dated for a week) because my gf at the time would almost never be affectionate with me and it made me really insecure so i started that tag as a way to vent kinda. anyways my point is that i made those tags bc i would always feel super anxious in my relationships bc i never really felt loved or even wanted (aka the good personalities awful gfs relationships) i just felt like a burden and it was such a big thing for me.

okay now i’ll say that there Kinda was an exception to this before cass, because it would be unfair to say that that relationship was detrimental to my mental health, but it was still different. like, that ex did make me feel wanted most times, but not only did i still have A Lot of insecurities about the whole thing bc of some things she would say and do or not say and not do and i’d get like super uncomfortable or just sad really but also bc whenever the conversation would start to die out i was Absolutely Certain that she was gonna break up with me. it was pretty bad im not even joking. and like ofc my anxiety isnt her fault OR responsibility and like sure i still get anxious about cass sometimes but its not like that its basically just when she doesnt answer for a long time i think that something bad might have happened but even when my rude ass brain does try to tell me that she doesnt love me i KNOW that its not true, and that is a kind of peace that i have never ever had before. but anyways, so that was the good gf whose personality didnt fit mine and its weird now bc that is so obvious but i really didnt wanna believe it at the time even though i knew it wasnt gonna work out, but now its just really weird ngl (but i wont get into the why).

and now cass. wow okay let me tell you about cass. she is perfection. she is literally everything i have ever wanted AND things i didnt even know i wanted. she is everything no one else ever was and i just remembered that when we started dating in may i said that exact same sentence to abby. its just so true, she really is everything that no one else could be. because theyre not her. i’ve said this a lot of times but i really dont see how i could ever love anyone else after loving her, it just doesnt make sense to me because she really is like,, as good as it gets. there is no one better than her for me. we’re literally meant to be i s2g like when we broke up for a while i would tell everyone i wasnt really trying to move on at all bc i just hoped she would come back to me and i couldnt miss that chance. i knew she was my soulmate, although at some points i lost almost all hope (but never all) and i started thinking that maybe she was the love of my life but i wasnt the love of hers. and thats bc she really is everything ive ever dreamed of like she has all these little things that she does or say that sometimes wouldnt even mean anything to other people but to me they are So important bc theyre things ive dreamed about while my ex girlfriends ignored me akcjsjxn like, i was talking about how comfortable she feels to me and a big part of that comes from little things like the fact that even when we were just friends she would spam me when i was gone for a long time and that not only made me feel missed and appreciated but also it meant i could do that to her and it wouldnt be annoying bc she felt the same!! like, she missed me too! and me knowing that she actually Wanted to talk to me and the fact that she actually showed me she cared was super great when we started dating bc it made me feel like if i was feeling sad or insecure, i could literally just ask her to be a little more affectionate and it wouldnt feel fake bc i actually knew she cared. and you have No idea how much that meant to me bc i literally didnt know it was possible for me to feel that way. like honestly i thought it was an innate aspect of who i am that like if i asked for affection it would be meaningless? bc i’d be lowkey forcing the person to say something? but with her it felt different bc we had enough intimacy for me to feel comfortable enough to do that.

HOWEVER i never actually Had to do that bc i got insecure exactly once (1) on the first night we started dating back in may bc i didnt know how much she liked me and i was like in love with her so i thought she would think i was too much and then i told her i was sad and that i was gonna sleep and the next day when i woke up she said something along the lines of “how are you babe bc i remember you said you were sad last night and i couldnt stop thinking about it bc i want you to feel good all the time” and thats something so small but wow it just meant so much to me bc i would cry and beg any fucking force in the universe to make my last ex do Anything At All to try to make me Not Sad and it would be awful and i would feel so so unloved and then cass just said that and something clicked in me and i never doubted her feelings to an actual Meaningful extent while we’ve been together anymore (like ofc i get insecure sometimes and especially when we broke up, but while we have been dating ive never gotten like actually Sad™ specifically bc i wasnt sure she liked me) but it gets even better because some of the things she does are so so special that i never even imagined them like shes literally unreal, i literally never thought someone like her existed and its just so wild to me that i get to be with her.

and i know im saying a bunch of cliches but i mean it all so much like i remember when i was dating one of my exes i was learning her first language but she didnt try to learn mine and i really wished she would bc i just always loved the idea that someone would do that for me?? (and she was like the good gf so yknow,, just how that relationship literally did Not even compare to cass) and guess what yes cass is learning portuguese and its the cutest thing ever btw bUt the point is she does all the little things ive ever wanted in a partner (i literally have a post with a list of things i appreciate in a partner and she does all of them!! well, the ones that arent like irl or smth) also i literally have a draft in this blog that is a list of cute things cass has done/said that means a lot to me personally but i didnt post it yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and like theres just so so many things that i havent talked about, like how im not even sure if i was ever in love with anyone of them anymore because what i feel for cass is just so different and so much more, or like how cass actually makes me want to try to get better, which ive never actually wanted before bc it always seemed to scary, like she literally makes me wanna be not only alive but also happy bc she makes me feel like i deserve it. she has been such a good influence on me and my mental health and thats so important and its the first time someone has been this good for me.

but anyways the point is that cass is right for me in every single way like she really is my other half she literally just is everything that she is and thats how shes different from my ex girlfriends.