#still need to figure a lottt out from this

[sturnsmadl]

mute.

< previous

contains-no use of y/n, cursing, light fluff, unestablished friendship, mentions of tough time at school

pairing- grumpy!chris x mute!reader

please read the authors note at the bottom :)

its chris' second day and to your suprise he's not very liked so far, you managed to escape from him yesterday but today was different. it was like he was tracing your every step because when you turn around? he's there. it was lunch period and normally you go to the old makeout cupboard, where everyone would go make out with their boyfriends, seniors, ex's and even other people's girlfriends. that was until the teachers found out and another random closet started getting used. instead of constantly sitting in a bathroom stool and getting made fun of you starting using the closet to finally eat lunch in peace.

Flashback!!

after you left the classroom you head straight for the cupboard and sit down on the floor against one of the shelving units. you open ur beat up, pink lunchbox you've had for as long as you can remember and look over what you packed for yourself today. lunch ends just before u can finish and you pack up quickly, needing to leave the cupboard before the halls fill up and people realise where you disappear to at lunch.

Flashback ends!!

unfortunately chris had a feeling, and a strong one too. chris could sense something was off about your silence and even if you were hated for it he would figure out what it was, he'd made the effort to follow you around like a spy for the whole day and at lunch he finally saw where you disappeared into yesterday. he has no clue why your hiding in there all the time but he knows he's going to find out either way. he follows you and waits a few minutes before opening the door and going in, closing it behind him. you look up from the floor and see him, your heart immediately stops and you, as usual stay completely silent.

"what the fuck..."

he stares at you then you see his expression slightly soften which suprises you as its completely different from the whole mean, tough demeanor he gives off. he sits down opposite you and sighs to himself as he looks around where youve been sitting at lunch for god knows how long.

"what are you doing? there's empty tables out there.."

you shrug softly obviously not going to speak and tell him your hiding so no one can see you eating alone, he looks at your beat lunchbox, your old backpack and your clothes and he can already tell your not the luckiest of people but he still thinks your insanely beautiful and just simply misunderstood.

weeks later

its been around 2 weeks since chris found your spot and everyday without fail he's came in and sat on the cold floor with you to eat his lunch just so ur not completely alone. he's always rambling about his day or how another teacher has become one of his worst for simply asking him to do his work, of course you dont say anything but you listen to him and you nod to show him your listening. you've weirdly became kind of comfortable around chris which isnt a feeling youve felt in a while and your honestly thinking about speaking to him while he rants on about how shit his old school was and how he's glad he was finally kicked out so he could start again. your so tempted to speak and while he's mid sentence you crack.

he groans " and the gym teacher? actually the biggest dick ive ev-"

"chris." you whisper just loud enough for his head to shoot up in shock.

a/n- ok i know this is also very boring :/ but i swear now that shes talking its gonna be a lottt better and more entertaining!

edit- wait i hate this dm omg. i promise promise promise that next part will be juicyyy

tags! @bellaonthelow @muchloveforhacker @moonk1ss3d @sturnclouds @christophersgf @ellizzyy @fratbrochrisgf @phoenix062 @pixxiies @conspiracy-ash @blahbel668 @monroesturnns @gwennybenny @sturnobsessedwh0re @pixie-sticks-are-good @wurlibydominicfike @anitahunt @ilusa @watchu-mean-baby-keem @babyalliah-777 @imtheprett @sturniolo-fann @coochiedestroyer1 @scarlettbitches

[autistic-robin]

more dynamics i need to see in st5 for my mental wellbeing

1. el and dustin. that’s it send post. they were genuinely so sweet in season 1 and i miss their mad scientist/test subject vibe immensely. i know el and lucas are going to be paired up this season because of their shared connection (polyamory) to max, but i would love to see more scenes between dustin and el— maybe some lighthearted bonding over their matching leg injuries or daddy issues.

2. mike and robin. i don’t think you understand i need this like i need air. will has already had his gay awakening he doesn’t need a queer life coach!! mike on the other hand is out here in the TRENCHES. this man is down critically horrendously morifyingly BAD for will but is convinced el needs him and that will could never reciprocate his feelings. he needs robin’s gay intuition and advice if anyone does.

3. steve and jonathan. HELLO??? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO???? i know this is pretty much guaranteed to happen in st5 because full-circle character development and hammering in themes and blah blah blah but i’m still gonna talk about it because listen. steve got his shit rocked by jonathan one (1) time and immediately decided “fuck my idiot friends” developed a moral conscience and SHOWED UP AT HIS HOUSE to apologize. he wasn’t there for nancy he had no idea nancy was there!!! he bought jonathan a new camera!!! he was so respectful of nancy and jon even when nancy dumped his ass a season later!!! yet we never get closure between him and jonathan or even a conversation and i’m PISSED about it. matt and ross duffer rectify this or else.

4. hopper and jonathan and will. you see the vision. these kids have never had a stable father figure who truly understands them (i love bob but he was only there for st2 and was sweet but naive) and everything they’ve been through. jonathan DESPERATELY needs to be de-parentified and released from the emotional burden of constantly putting will and joyce before his own needs and dreams, and hopper desperately needs to feel like he can protect his family instead of “cursing” them. will needs a loving father figure who supports his queer identity, and hopper only had a fire lit under him in s1 when joyce mentioned it could have been a hate crime. this is like textbook recipe for healing and closure for these characters.

5. joyce and karen? i just think it would be neat. we know karen’s getting more involved this season and i think she should get to be a little gay for joyce as a treat. we had crumbs of their dynamic in s1 and on a more sincere note i honestly think joyce could help give karen the courage to leave ted or demand better from him moving forward.

6. nancy and mike. if they don’t have a genuine conversation i’ll actually be fuming raging pulling my hair out. i get it i get that they’re both emotionally repressed but GOD i wish we had more moments with them talking about their trauma or empathizing with each other’s survivor’s guilt and crippling savior complexes. all the “max and mike are the same character in a different font” business is very valid and i agree madwheeler is like ten shots of espresso injected directly into the bloodstream HOWEVER, nancy and mike’s traumas and emotional issues are so so similar please let them talk about it!!!!

7. steve and robin???? please for the love of god????? literally what the fuck was happening in s4 they were NOT given enough screentime together. not cool. i want them BACK on their queerplatonic bullshit in s5, fully codependent disgustingly clingy like god intended.

8. jonathan and el. i just want them to be siblings together!!! we got a lot of willel sibling vibes in s4 and some sweet jon-and-will moments, but i would love for them to delve into jonathan and el’s dynamic. this girl is a big reason why will was saved in s1 and we just… never really see the byerses address that? jonathan has a lottt of self-blaming tendencies when it comes to will and i’d love for el to help remind him he isn’t responsible for protecting and saving his brother all the time. conversely, i’d love for jonathan to remind el that she’s just a kid and that the weight of the world shouldn’t be on her shoulders. they’re both really soft-spoken and sweet characters with hard veneers and i feel like they’d pair well together for more emotional scenes.

9. literally the entire byers-hopper family they are the heart and soul of the show and i will never forgive the duffer brothers for losing that in s3-4 in favor of expanding the scope of the story. i miss them.

10. steve and el. i would maim and kill for this dynamic actually. both of them are involved in love triangles and have arcs centered around independency and platonic/found familial love, and steve has his whole mom-of-the-group shtick that could be really endearing paired with el’s plucky weird-little-girl vibe. idk i just think they would be a cute team, maybe paired with dustin or lucas.

11. stoncy and robin. literally give me this team or give me death. i miss stoncy’s iconic end-of-season-1 monster-hunting trio dynamic SO MUCH i would give anything for them to go on a sidequest and really just hash it all out with each other. and robin could offer steve moral support and comic relief— while we’re on the subject i would also kill to see her and jonathan interact!! like they are so similar in that brooding-noncomformist way and i feel like they would either immediately gravitate toward each other based on values OR immediately clash due to their personality differences. jonathan is all quiet and avoidant and robin can be… A Lot (said with love) when she’s not masking like s3. i just think they’d be funny together.

12. this is devolving quickly so scott clarke and the party. no i will not elaborate. thank you for your time

[hyperfixated-on-cod]

✨Smoking with 141, König, Los Vaqueros✨ (CW: cannabis use, 18+)

(This was supposed to be posted like 3 days ago lol but either way…) (the 18+ warning is for a very brief reason but it’s still there)

I got absolutely fucking ASTRONOMICALLY high last night sooo here’s some headcanons😍

John Price

Smoked a little bit here and there when he first enlisted, but eventually quit when he realized he was serious about his career in the military. (I personally don’t think he planned from the start to climb the ranks like he did)

It will take a LOTTT of convincing to get him to smoke with you, and if he agrees, it’s reasonable to assume you’re very special to him.

Goes into it acting like a career stoner… but in reality he hasn’t touched the stuff in about 15 years🙃

If you can’t get him to partake, he absolutely will hang with you while you’re high. All you gotta do is ask.

Prefers edibles simply because “I like having lungs.” Even though the man LITERALLY SMOKES CIGARS😭

Ghost

I don’t think he’s a stoner but like… I also think he does have an edible from time to time, for medical reasons (mostly mental health).

Not many people know this about him; Price knows and helps him plan accordingly for drug tests and makes sure that it’s noted in his file that he uses it for medical reasons; Soap found out on accident.

Under no circumstances does he ever let anybody see him high, so good luck getting him to smoke with you lol

Only gets high when he knows he’s in the clear with work and will be for awhile (so, when he’s on leave). If he feels like he needs to get high (like if he’s just coming back from a particularly hard mission), he goes to Price and asks if it’s okay.

Prefers edibles because he finds it more relaxing and it’s easier for him to take one, and then he gets an hour or so to do other stuff before it hits.

Soap

This man is a stoner. Period point blank.

If he isn’t the first of these men you ask to smoke with you, and he finds out about it, he will be SO offended.

Gets high just to get high. Everything else is a bonus.

Started when he was young, like 16. Quit for awhile as his career was getting more serious, and then he started again.

The whole team knows but nobody really cares because he’s super responsible about it like Ghost is. He plans far ahead of time, doesn’t do it unless he’s off base, etc.

This man is such a giggly bitch and his laugh is so infectious; he’s the first to start laughing and everybody else follows.

Very flirty when he’s high and texts Ghost messages that are just like “🩷🩷💕💕💘💘”

He is so ridiculously horny when he’s high. Been tryna convince Ghost for agessss to get high with him so they can 👉🏽👌🏽

Gaz

Honestly? I don’t think he’s into weed all that much.. or really any substance. He drinks here and there and is never opposed to having a glass of whiskey with Price, but that’s really it.

He has done it tho, and didn’t have a good experience. I feel like he’s a very logical person, so after his first time he probs figured the first time sucked bc it was the first time. So he did it a few more times but nothing changed.

On the off chance he agrees to smoke with you, he wants “adult supervision” (Captain Price lol) just in case he has another bad time.

Makes sure the environment will be 100% controlled. Comfort of his own home, lays out rules and boundaries with you and the Captain (“don’t let me do too much,” “here’s what to do if…”), soft music playing, pillows and blankets everywhere.

König

Again, you’re lucky if you get him to do it with you.

His giggles are somehow worse than Soap’s and significantly more adorable😂

His munchies are SOOO bad. Like, he may plan ahead of time and lay out some snacks to prepare… but he ends up not wanting any of them and stumbles to his kitchen for something else.

He’s a big guy so it takes a bit to get him going, but once he’s there he’s there.

Alejandro

Doesn’t partake. Never has and probably never will. He’s been curious, but just never felt the need to act on that curiosity.

He’s cool about people close to him doing it tho, and will also hang with you while you’re high. Provides some of the BEST snacks.

Rudy

He does do it but he’s… pretentious about it. In a good way.

Oh, you’re bringing him gummies from the dispensary? No. He’s making homemade edibles but not like brownies or cookies; he’s making pasta with infused olive oil or some other type of meal.

He’s super careful about his measurements and makes sure that the product he’s using is as high quality as he can get it.

If you wanna get high with him, go into it on an empty stomach bc he’s gonna make sure y’all eat a damn good meal in the process.

[hevexns-realm]

So uh, I might’ve brewed something up for a new villian OC to potentially join in the ranks of Sonic OC villains. But I’m not too sure yet-

She takes a lot of inspiration from sparkle from Honkai star rail, alastor the radio demon, bill cipher, shadow milk cookie, and mephiles from their canon standpoints. She doesn’t have all their traits, but either had similar personality traits, habits, backstory, motive or powers!

I still need to flesh her out a LOTTT, and this isn’t her final design either, still figuring out the damn hair and the colors I might want to use. Just wanted to hint at something cool, and maybe get a cool little AU going on!

NAME SUGGESTIONS ARE OPEN, LEAVE EM IN THE ASKS IF YOU WANNA LEAVE A NAME SUGGESTION!! 🤍🖤

Mutuals:

@thebreadmeower @hunniegl4zed

[blindrapture]

I also got my hands on Tunic, got a physical copy for Switch, comes with the manual and everything-- but I do know enough to know to stay away from the manual until I've beaten the game, it is a treat for existing fans, not for newcomers like me

I have played a little bit of it. it is nice to have something to dig into when I sleep for ALL THE GODDAMN DAY and WAKE UP IN THE SMACK-DAB MIDDLE OF NIGHT and need to kill a lot of time.

all I knew going in was it's a Zelda-like. I did not know it is also a Souls-like. I am going to try to play it vanilla, and I reserve the right to resort to the very appealing accessibility options that make it much harder to die. but I will really try first.

fun fact: I'm not even a fan of 2D Zelda. I have never beaten a 2D Zelda. (the only zeldas I've beaten were Skyward Sword, BotW and TotK. I am halfway through Link to the Past!!! but I seem to... find the dungeons to be the least interesting part of that game? which sucks, because there's a lottt of dungeons.) I just wanted a game where I can explore without context and discover things, and this does let me do that.

I definitely never figured out how to enjoy the combat in 2D Zelda. weirdly, it was after I made a lot of progress in Dark Souls that I went back and actually kinda found more appreciation. Tunic makes a lot of sense to me. though I still struggle with actual, like, mid-fight maneuvering. my instinct is to tank the damage and be aggressive, because the 2D format just... doesn't encourage anything else. the controls aren't that fine. and the enemies respawn, which discourages just being patient and slowly taking them all out, because, you're gonna be coming here again...

but!!! that's the kind of mentality I am coming in with. I am willing to get invested and learn how to maneuver in fine degrees in a 2D space during a dynamic fight. Tunic has plenty going for it to invest me.

....bizarrely long load times, though. every time I enter a doorway, or save the damn game, I have to wait like ten seconds. is that, uh.. is that a Switch thing??? .....and, uh, does this game have any... music in it later on? I can appreciate the general synth-ambience, sure; I'm just.. wondering.

[kenjiyabuki]

thoughts on the 2nd ep of THC

last week they started w a dark hidden story to make a boom which worked (if the intention was to get a lot of backlash lol). thankfully this week’s story wasn’t disturbing, it was only really boring. why are we so worried about what these boys were up to during their pubescent years?

my cringe tolerance for bad liars and men trying to be suave is extremely low, so all of them trying to gaslight each other was a struggle for me to get through😭 please boys, at least don’t do this in front of the Mile Phakphum Romsaithong...

the young ones talking about their past love lives made me laugh. being all “i was a player” or “i gave my %100 back then″. yeah, when you were in middle school. what did you give, some of your gaming or homework time?

naturally it took like 0.1 seconds for the truth or dare to get dangerously TMI. i saw angry/critical tweets about it, esp towards lotte’s confession. i don’t like that these boys are encouraged to be open by production without considering the repercussions. 

so, we can safely say they chose competitors with pasts of being unruly/rascals on purpose. maybe to show people change, maybe to get more views. idk whatever Pond was thinking. yes, people can put in the work and change but to do it in public eye is whole another story. feels like they are setting the boys up for failure by laying out too many of their questionable antics/qualities and making them more unlikable than honest. of course boys aren’t exempt from being judged, they are responsible for their actions but still, they are rookies in this industry and they are getting dropped into piranha infested waters by this experienced producer. all the boys seem to trust and respect Pond a lot which makes me worried but i would love to be disproven

i had to watch voting scene several times to figure out which FOOLS chose Max but couldn't see clearly

“but Max seems nervous”, my dudes, Max constantly looks like a gazelle who just sensed a lion

now i need Apo just loitering around in his cool fit and serving Mile in every ep

i find Mio really endearing and everyone else seem to think so as well. loved him trying to talk deeply about love and the boys cracking up

i am not exactly enjoying or hating this show, i am experiencing just some other third thing. it’s what you feel when you watch a bad reality show. someone should invent a word for that feeling.

all i will say about the preview is that i am afraid about next ep

i don’t want to be all negative so i’ll say one positive that applies to everyone: all the boys looked so dashing in their tuxedos. if there is one thing about BOC men, it will be that they will always clean up nice and serve looks

some judgments about the boys:

last week Max’ story seemed to get a lot of angry reactions from viewers (rightfully). i didn’t take it that seriously for several reasons, biggest one being: i find him a really weak figure among these strong/loud personalities and YES its early to make a judgement like this but still, i cant imagine him winning at all.

New gets on my nerves A LOTTT and nothing i learn about him makes it any better. i want him gone like yesterday and i don’t feel bad wishing he’d be the first one to get voted off the show. 

Copper gets on my nerves too but i’ll give it to him, at least he doesn't have an homophobic past, he is just plain annoying. he can stay for now. 

every time I see Bump, i think “damn, not a thought behind these eyes, huh?”

like Perth, JJ being self conscious is such a shame. What makes a person appealing isnt just having perfect features, it also requires charisma and sincerity, which are qualities he seems to possess. ALSO someone should tell him that BL fans go absolutely rabid for tall men so he can feel better. 

so far i like Jet, JJ, Perth, Woody and ofc, sugar daddy Mio!!!!!!!

[enevera]

E F H U :-)

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

u ask this like ive completed a fic ever in my life hsabjdl

but yeah none of the fics ive completed are all that worthy of a sequel in my eyes ig, but i did have an idea for a sequel for aootd where quentin and eliot get back to their own timeline and have to just like figure out if the whole thing they just experienced happened at all. also is quentin alive? who knows, great question to ask someone not me hbjdfs

(dont watch the magicians dont do it if anyone looks at that fic summary and goes oh that looks interesting but i'll have to watch the show first stop right there dont do it its not worth it the suffering is not worth it literally DO NOT)

the rest is under the cut bc this got soooo long asbhjkd

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

jsdbnlkf okee taking this as a sign to talk abt my satoshouko convo thank u for enabling meee hehe >:D

“Stop that,” she says, frowning. “Don’t lie like that to me, it’s creepy.” “And you know all about creepy, huh?” he teases and feels the ground under his feet come a little closer. Unimportant conversation is an old comfort and he clings to the offer presented to him. “More than you,” she returns cooly. “Now get up. You’re coming back to my place.” She begins walking around the morgue collecting her own things. “I— What?” He stutters, all of him at once, fingers twitching and eyesight shaking. He’s still too many feet above the ground for this, it seems. “Why?” “You’re a mess,” Shouko explains, throwing a packet of cigarettes in her work purse; she has a nicer one that she brings out shopping and to cafés, he knows, that Utahime bought for her when they first started dating. The one she has for work is heavily worn and a dull brown; she’s had it since high school and they both pretend to forget where she’d gotten it from. “I don’t trust you by yourself and I don’t think you want to worry your kids, so you’re coming home with me.” “I’m fine, Shouko,” he tries to protest, but she shoots him a sternly unimpressed glare and walks back over to get in his face. “No you’re fucking not, don’t even try that right now. It won’t work. Besides…” she straightens up and turns away from him, tugging her bag’s strap up her shoulder. “You’re not the only one who needs some company tonight.”

okay on top of the brainrot writing this sparked in me my favorite favorite thing to write is characters with differing goals and they have very differing goals. i like when a character has already made a decision and i like writing characters disagreeing a bit. i just loveee when i get to write different motivations and i love them i love this convo and i like writing shouko mhm

H: How would you describe your style?

uhhh thats difficult lol but like i know i lean pretty hard into being very descriptive and i like a lottt of metaphors and imagery, but my main goal is always to get my mental picture across as much as i can, so i guess thats why. i like to keep dialogue on the sparser side, though. most of the time people dont monologue, so i try not to let the characters do it and i spent a lot of time rlly figuring out how ppl naturally speak so that i could do that ljsfdhb <33

U: Share three FOUR !! of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

djhbsvjhdfbjv uhhhhhh shit lolol i dont usually read all that much by the same fic authors bc i jump fandoms p often (before jjk anyway, usually hyperfixations only last like 3-4 months for me, this has been like. eight or so; not counting dr who i come back to that a lot sbhjkd), but i will try my bestttt

yukiiiiii <33 obvi obvi echo's writing is so good that i read their bsd fic and i know like nothing abt bsd sfjbhd

biscaaniii!!! admittedly ive only read their jjk works but theyre so so so good highly recommend!!

krissssssss!!!! hi hi hi kris writes naruto stuff but u should read it everyone should read it her writing is soooo gooddddd!!!!!!!

also u habibi bc though i admittedly havent read all ur fics the ones i have read have been sooo good i love them v much i need to finish the miminana fic and read the rest dbjhf <333

ask game!!

[veggieboxes]

ok that adult teru post and in the tags you have some thoughts about him and his relationship w adulthood PLEASR PLEASE PLEASE TELL Us those THOUGHTS PLEASE. sorry i just i want to know i love teru hahaa

my god. you are unleashing my analysis brain. ok.

i have a lot of thoughts in general on the "main cast" around mob (reigen, dimple, teru, and ritsu) in general LOL + how they all intertwine with e/o but i do really like teru bc of how nebulous his backstory is.. ONE pretty much just gives us this:

(this dude is fucking 14. did he start living alone at 10????)

+ the fact that he started living alone bc of the claw attacks. everybody else has pretty straightforward backstories (except for dimple i guess, but he doesn't really follow the traditional rules of all the human characters), but teru's situation is so fucking strange. and it's never elaborated upon.

but i do think that it's very obvious that he turned out the way he Did pre mob meeting just bc he was forced to take care of himself and survive from an insanely young age. skipping childhood to become an "adult" is really the only option for him, which ultimately leads him to creating a social hierarchy at his school because gaining a position of power is "just something adults do." that plus the fact that he needs some way to prove himself to others that he's worthy of attention and praise because he can't get that validation from his parents. so the next best thing is his classmates!

from my viewpoint, a lottt of teru's behaviors boil down to doing what an adult "should" be doing / the ideal successful adult figure. which is also why he fits himself in those traditional heteronormative and masculine roles via. dating women and fighting men. this stuff helps reinforce the social hierarchy, but also creates the illusion that he's capable of being in functioning hetero relationships as people are expected be in as they grow older. teru wants to stand out, but in a "socially acceptable" way -- the way that will guarantee him praise from others.

the whole facade obviously crumbles after his encounter with mob. he's knocked off of his pedestal, being stripped of his dignity (and other things...) in front of the carefully constructed ecosystem he created with himself at the top. bigger pond, bigger fish! so once that's gone, teru really has nobody else to prove himself to or get worship from. at the end of the day, all he really has is himself to gain acceptance from. and with that, he can become an actual functioning human being and not a weird, disfigured, carefully chiseled mimic of what he thinks is the ideal adult.

obviously, remnants of this system pre-yassified teru put up is still present and we see that with teru still getting lots of gifts from girls who are kinda scared by him. but we don't really see how teru interacts with his classmates or vice versa in everyday life past that. i do really enjoy the idea of black vinegar's shadow leader coming back with a complete 180 personality. and a wig to match that change.

but all that aside, teru coming to the realization that he doesn't have much if you take away his psychic powers lets him become a kid again. not hardened by life or jaded, not held up to these wild expectations, not expected to take care of himself emotionally (which isn't kid-exclusive, but teru just never allowed himself to share that burden to begin with). i mean, he's always been a kid -- just in the way he tries to appear mature -- but he can let himself grow in his own, much healthier, way.

i think that's why teru's character in particular inherently has so much gay subtext, because the audience sees his character go from "traditional masculine figure" to... basically the opposite of that. and if the traditional masculine figure is defined by the role in heterosexual relationships, then the opposite would be homosexuality.

well, that and his general attitude towards mob. and teru's fruity ass fits. i'm not sure how he had those in his closet and thought, "yeah! i'm straight!"

and that's my two cents! my concluding statement: god, i hope we get the series of animated spinoffs ONE mentioned as a hypothetical.

i love mob's story to death, but i'd love to see more explorations into the other characters because they're usually pushed to the sideline development-wise after their respective arcs are over. i do love the omakes for this reason though lol

anyways, thanks for reading my intro to mob psycho 101 essay :-) sorry this is stupidly long. but also? i could write an analysis like this for every secondary character because i care about them so much.

[aalissy]

Fan

Today’s chapter was a lottt of fun to write! I love writing a Chat who teases Marinette about Adrien loololol. Hope you like it! Also, sorry it’s a lil late! My sister graduated high school today woot woot! Happy graduation to anyone else who’s graduating around now :)

AO3

“Hello, purrincess,” Chat called out to her, landing with a thump on her bed as he came in from the balcony.

Marinette didn’t even bother to look up at him from the latest design she was sketching. It just didn’t phase her anymore. Chat continually stopped by without announcing himself and, though she would never admit it to him, she had found herself looking forward to his little visits.

“You’re not even going to try to knock? What if I said you couldn’t come in?” Marinette asked, raising an eyebrow even as she continued her drawing. Her tongue stuck out in concentration as she thought about the extra accessories she could add.

“Pawlease.” His voice sounded right next to her ear and this time she did turn in surprise, not expecting him to be so close to her. Chat grinned charmingly at her before continuing, “I know that you enjoy my visits as much as I do.”

What had put him in such a good mood? He looked so smug and satisfied that Marinette couldn’t help but purse her lips, crossing her arms against her chest. “And how do you know that?”

His grin turned even more gleeful and she couldn’t stop her own smile from beginning to spread across her cheeks. “Because today I heard some pawsitively meowvelous news. I heard that you are my number one fan.”

Her lips parted in shock. How did he know that?! Alya had teased and prodded the information out of her after asking her, Nino, and Adrien whether they preferred Chat Noir or Ladybug. Obviously, Alya had known her answer from the start and had practically answered for her. She had playfully announced that it was easy to see that Marinette simply adored Chat Noir and was his biggest fan. Meanwhile, she had still been a blushing mess over Adrien saying that Ladybug was his favorite and had nodded her head along to everything Alya said. And now, somehow, that information had gotten to Chat. How was that possible?

With a weak groan to herself, she asked, “How could you even know about that? There’s no way Alya told you.” Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, she scanned him up and down. “Are you spying on us?”

“No, no, no. Why would I ever do such a thing?” Chat chuckled, his eyes gleaming mischievously. “Purrhaps you’re wrong. How do you know that Alya didn’t tell me? She and I are rather close, after all.” He crossed his fingers together in an obvious gesture of how close-knit the two were.

Marinette scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief even as an odd brush of something hit her stomach. “Are you trying to tell me that you visit Alya as often as me?”

“Why? Are you jealous?” Chat shot back quickly, looking positively gleeful at the idea.

Instantly, she stuck her tongue out in disgust, the uncomfortable feeling in her chest fading somewhat at his words. “What? No!”

He clicked his tongue before pouting at her. “Pity.” 

Marinette blinked, opening her mouth to ask what that meant. The odd feeling had turned into a much more pleasant one. Before she could even begin to figure out what that meant, though, Chat continued, “But you don’t need to worry. It wasn’t Alya who told me. I learned about it from one of your classmates who overheard the conversation.”

Oh. A small frown furrowed between her brow. How did one of her classmates get a hold of Chat Noir? And why would they even tell him about that? It didn’t make any sense. Shaking off the feeling that something was off, Marinette chalked it up to Chloé doing Chloé things. Probably with the express purpose of embarrassing her. 

“Well, I still knew it wasn’t Alya,” she murmured to herself.

“Of course not.” Chat grinned and Marinette brought her gaze back to his once more. “Afur all, I’m your number one fan too, purrincess.” He tapped her chest to enunciate his statement.

“What?” She broke out into a flurry of giggles, shaking her head. “You are not my number one fan.”

  He pouted once more at her. “Yes, I am! Who else would be your number one fan?” 

“Alya is most definitely my number one fan.” Marinette nodded her head, a secretive, little smile forming on her face. Alya had been a big fan of both her and Ladybug even from before she knew that they were one and the same. And now that she knew the full truth, Alya’s admiration had only grown, making it clear that she made the right choice in trusting her friend.  

“No way,” Chat scoffed, rolling his eyes at her answer. She suddenly snapped out of her daydreams about the past. Feeling disgruntled by his response, she opened her mouth to scold him when he cut her off again. “The only other correct answer that I will take is Adrien.”

Instantly, she turned a bright red. “What?!” Marinette screeched shaking her head quickly in an attempt to get rid of the thought. “Adrien is not a fan of mine! We’re just friends.”

Where would Chat even get an idea like that?! But even just the thought of Adrien being her biggest fan sent a wave of butterflies roaring to life in her chest. Though it was completely impossible, Marinette couldn’t stop the ideas from rushing into her mind. Ugh, he couldn’t say things like that to her! Now she was going to have an even harder time not blushing in front of Adrien.

Chat’s smile dimmed and his ears seemed to flatten slightly as she finished her sentence. What had she said that caused that kind of a reaction? Before she could ponder too hard on it, though, it was gone. Replaced by a bright beam and a cheery voice. “What are you talking about? He pawsitively adores you. Hasn’t he said like a million times how much he loves your designs and baking?”

“Yeah,” Marinette replied hesitantly. “But how do you know that?”

Chat’s eyes darted around for a second, avoiding her gaze. She would have found that oddly suspicious when he snapped his fingers. “Because of your Instagram! He comments on it all the time.”

Shock slammed into her with the force of a truck. “You have an Instagram? And you look at my posts?!”

“Of course!” He looked almost offended that she didn’t know. “How could a cool cat like me not have Instagram?”

Marinette scrunched her nose at the statement. “You should not have told me that! What if I find it and figure out your identity?!”

Just the thought was sending her into a panic. What if she had already clicked on his profile without even knowing it? Why did he tell her this? Now she was going to freak out every time someone liked one of her posts. Tugging on her pigtails anxiously, she didn’t realize when Chat took a few steps toward her, squeezing her shoulders lightly.

“It’s alright, Marinette,” he murmured, “It’s a private account and it doesn’t have any revealing information on it.”

That was a relief. Instantly, she relaxed, giving him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Chat.”

He squeezed her shoulders one last time before stepping away from her. Wiggling his eyebrows, he continued to tease her, “So, do you believe me when I say now that Adrien is your number one fan.”

Marinette practically choked at the statement. How did Chat even know Adrien well enough to say that? Waving him off, she shook her head. “Definitely not. Adrien’s in the fashion industry, of course he looks at my designs sometimes.”

Chat huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. “Then I will only accept the other correct answer being me.”

Rolling her eyes fondly, Marinette tapped the sketch that she had completely forgotten about. “If I say yes, will you let me continue working?”

“Yes!” Chat chirped, looking absolutely giddy.

With a quiet, amused giggle, she nodded her head. “Alright then, Chaton. I believe you. You are my biggest fan.”

“Purrcisely.” He snapped his fingers proudly before plopping himself down into his usual position on her chaise. Snickering at him, Marinette turned back around to look at her sketch. Humming softly, she continued where she left off. What a silly, adorable kitty.

[malfoysmaybank]

I Love You, Darling. - Draco Malfoy x She/Her!Reader

request by @bittersweetthoughts--ofinsanity : heyyy i saw you’re taking requests, i’d love one with draco and a golden trio friend (maybe a ravenclaw cause i’m a ravenclaw but it doesn’t matter really) set in the GoF, where instead of ron being put under water for Harry to save its the reader, cause her and Harry are close, and once he gets her out draco gets really concerned and worried about her, but also furious at Harry for allowing them to put the reader in danger.

warnings: ANGSTY ANGST ANGST, FLUFFY FLUFF FLUFF, wounding, merpeople, sleeping spell stuff, fear of drowning type beat

wc: 1k

a/n: sooooo i had a lottt of fun with this request haha. this is one of my favorite requests ever, i love writing angst so so much, especially angsty fluffy stuff dhdixjzfshifksadhmvewikd anyways tysm for this request!!!! just a heads up that i changed a little bit of the plot shown in the books and movies to fit this imagine! also this really is any house reader, though one indicator that they’re a ravenclaw reader late in the imagine. Enjoy!

______________________________________________________________________

As all the students saw Krum come up with Hermione, they cheered once more. Well, all the students except for Draco. He hadn’t seen you all day and he wondered if you had gotten sick, but as he watched the competitors of the Triwizard Tournament come up from the lake with their companions and friends, he started to wonder who Harry must have gotten. Ginny and Ron were watching, as well as Fred and George. Diggory came up with Cho, and Hermione had just come up. There weren’t many people it could’ve been and the majority of them had already come up or were cheering him on.

Except...

You.

The realization hit Draco like a truck. He started freaking out (internally of course, he had a reputation, after all.) “Hurry, Potter!” He said to himself. The clock was ticking and there was no way you could hold your breath for that long. Maybe it wasn’t you, maybe you were safe in your dorm with a minor fever, maybe he didn’t have to freak out after all. But then again, who else would it be? He had never pestered you about being friends with the golden trio but he felt it would do more harm than good. Nonetheless, he supported you and didn’t nitpick your friends, you were your own person.

As he wallowed in his thoughts, he heard thrashing from the water. Potter and Fleur came up without their counterparts. “I can’t find her!” they shouted in unison between breaths. You know what? Fuck his reputation. “Who? Who Potter?!” Draco shouted frantically. “Y/N!” Harry shouted. “And my little sister, Gabrielle! They’re somewhere at the bottom of the lake!” Fleur added. Draco wasted no time in taking off his shirt, socks, and shoes and jumping in after you (and hopefully Gabrielle). He swam for a while when he saw you and Gabrielle being held down under some sleeping spell by merpeople. He harshly kicked the merpeople away from both of you and they didn’t take that well. But before they could react, Draco was already swimming to the top with you and Gabrielle tucked under his arms. 

Fleur thanked Draco profusely as she swam to retrieve her little sister from him. He nodded as he swam back to shore with you. As Draco got out, some other students helped you, Fleur, and Gabrielle out of the water. By this time you were awake, luckily, but you had a large gash on your leg. Draco picked you up bridal style to take you to Madam Pomfrey’s. “I’ll speak with you later, Potter.” Draco spat out bitterly towards the boy as he walked towards the castle with you in his arms. You whimpered when you accidentally bumped the wound on your leg with your hand. “Merlin, that hurt like a BITCH!” You yelled into his chest. “Shhh Darling, it’s alright. We’re gonna get you healed up, okay?” You nodded and nuzzled further into his chest. He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head as you neared the front of the castle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Draco, dear, could you pass that bandage over here?” Madam Pomfrey asked politely. Draco grabbed the bandage and handed it to her as she started to wrap up your leg. “While we did close the wound, it will still be weak for about 14 days.” Madam Pomfrey said to you. “For the time being, you are to wear this bandage and use these crutches.” You groaned but agreed. As soon as she was out of the room, Draco used the soles of his shoes on the wall to get his rolling chair to end up right at the side of your bed. 

“Hey there, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” He grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it gently. “Very sore. And tired.” You pressed a finger to your chin, pretending to think. “And in need of cuddles.” You giggled and Draco smiled at the sound of it. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you further.” He said cautiously. “Yes, I am indeed very sure Draco. Come here.” You held out grabby hands and made puppy eyes. How could he resist?! “Fine, but tell me if I’m hurting you in any way.” He said. He hated seeing you in pain except seeing you fight Pansy that one time was kinda hot and he wanted to make sure you were comfortable.

He climbed in the small cot and situated you both so he was on his back with your hand on his chest and your head in the crook of his neck he loved holding you literally so much. You felt comforted at his scent: green apples with a hint of dark chocolate and some cologne you had gotten him for his birthday. “You scared me so bad earlier, darling.” Draco said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Dray. The good thing is that I’m safe and okay and nothing can hurt me anymore.” You said and looked up at him. “How can you always find the positive side in things?” You both laughed quietly. “I just love you so much and I couldn’t bear losing you. You mean so much to me, doll.” A single tear dropped down his cheek as he held you closer. You reached up and wiped the tear. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m okay. I love you.” You said gently.

“How about we get some sleep? You’ve obviously had a pretty long day.” Draco joked and you nodded while giggling. You pulled the blue blanket Draco had gotten you from the Ravenclaw common room over the two of you. “You desperately need to tell Flitwick to create an actual passcode. It took me forever to figure out that riddle!” Draco complained. “What was the riddle?” you ask curiously. “How can you take 2 from 5 and leave 4?” He said. You thought for about 20 seconds. “Remove the 2 letters F and E from the word “five” and you have IV, which is 4 in roman numerals.” You said confidently. He groaned. “Seriously?! That took me like 15 minutes!” You both laughed and you let out a big yawn. “Goodnight, my love.” He kissed your hair and turned off the lamp beside you two. “Goodnight, Dray. Sweet dreams.” You kissed his neck. Before you fell asleep, you heard him say one last thing. “I love you, darling.”

[fallenrepublick]

Bruh, y’all reading my mind with this crosshair stuff. I’ve got a (Jedi) OC going already and I swear, y’all’s super in line with how I picture him.

He’s definitely the kind of guy to be non-verbal about his affections (long looks or smirks) but when he does speak, his words are simple, but mean a lot coming from him. Stuff like “nice shot.” Or “not too bad.” He’s also a teaser, I feel, with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor. He wants someone who can verbally spar with him; not necessarily confrontational, but who’s quick on their feet and can meet his quips and jabs in stride. I would like to think too he’s fiercely loyal and protective of his partners once he’s in a committed relationship. And also physically affectionate. He’s always gotta have a hand somewhere on your body, or at least in close proximity to you.

It’s easy to imagine him in a relationship. The hardest part is figuring out how he’d get there. Given how cynical and closed off he can be, his threshold I feel is high for admitting he has feelings for a future SO, and the threshold of admitting those feelings to them is even higher. I suppose my question is, what do you think about how Crosshair would go about getting into a relationship? Is he an all at once, the dam breaks and he’s just all over you? Or is it a more subtle, timid testing of the waters and waiting for you to make the first move? Or even something else completely unrelated?

And what would his tells be for when he is in a relationship for the rest of the Bad Batch? With how tight knit they all are, i just know there’d be things that would give each of them away once they end up in a relationship.

(My lord, I meant for this to be a quick ask, got out of hand pretty quickly lol. I’ve been having a lottt of Crosshair thoughts recently. Btw I’ve been following your blog for a while and have always loved your Thrawn/Maul content. You’ve always got the best headcanons for those boys.)

*cracks knuckles* OKAY SO-

How he actually enters the relationship?

It’s an accident.

It has to be during a mission, that much is for sure. You don’t necessarily have to be participating in it, though you can. Maybe you tagged along as backup, maybe you’re part of evac, as this is your home planet. Regardless, it doesn’t matter the actual scenario.

But things like this are rarely easy, which is why they called in the batch, needing specialised people to do the hardest of tasks. We all know Cross likes to go off alone, as he does yet again to reach more visible ground. Only, he looks down to see... you. Either in the process of moving civilians out or finishing off a handful of droids, your back is turned for that crucial split second between life and death. A quick shot right before disaster and he’s already on his way down, ignoring for now his brothers right around the corner.

“Thanks,” you say, still slightly distracted. He’s clearly annoyed, but what else is new.

“Be more careful,” he orders in that tone of voice.

You smile at him regardless, “It’s not a big deal. And you got it, anyways.”

“It is a big deal, you know I’d die if anything happened to you-”

Guess who doesn’t think before he speaks! That’s right, it’s this idiot.

But once he’s actually in the relationship, it doesn’t take long for the others to figure it out. For one thing, he isn’t subtle about his crush. He thinks he is, but he’s not. So already, the crew has a pretty good idea of what’s up in that head of his.

But his demeanor changes once it’s gone beyond a crush. He seems to less be working on a constant problem and more so drifting away in his own thoughts. He can clean and adjust his rifle on autopilot anyways, so he spends the time basically daydreaming, some far off, even slightly bewildered look on his face that requires a knock on the shoulder to snap him out of.

What’s more, he disappears for longer periods of time from the rest of the group. He’s one that needs time alone, sure. But usually people can find him. Now, there are hours where he’s simply gone without a trace. And when he comes back? He’s... happy. Or... as happy as he can be. How odd.

And he carries an air of pride around him. No, not the kind he usually does, with his cocky, better-than-you attitude to make-up for how he actually feels. But rather, a calmer, more pleasant type of pride, the kind you’d see from someone who just made the best decision of their life.

The worst of all. Someone said your name when he was in the middle of a shot. He missed.

[bitchiha]

✎ Naruto x types of Tik Tokers

A/N: My friend told me to write the Naruto Characters as types of TikTokers so here we go ;-; I kinda fuck w it tbh Requests and ships are open! *send an ask of who I should do next!*

Naruto Uzumaki

Naruto is the god of gen z humour and that is on periodt

He would make the most pointless fucking videos ever and people (including yours truly) would laugh their ass off

Like a video of his toe with the disco lights filter and then the last second is a picture of a frog with way too many saturated filters and a random word like ‘ramen’

And it gets 2 million likes

He also rates ramen on it and will get in heated debates with people over it

Will probably post a vid of a new justu he learned and then Tsunade would have to force him to delete it because it could give enemies an advantage if they see his skills

Breaks his phone more than 200 times trying to use his Rasengan as a Tik Tok transition

Def has a series called “roasting people in the Leaf village”

“Next is Kiba, yah I know what you’re thinking and yes, he smells like dog and bonus! He acts like one too!”

“Then we have Lee, aka bushy brow. I think this picture of him speaks for itself”

Ends up getting chased by other villagers w pitchforks after he drops a roast video

Can’t learn tiktok dances for shit but will have the audios playing over eachother in his head at 3x speed when he trains

Will take videos of Kakashi bc the girls love it and it always gets him on the fyp

Has a series called “pt _ of trying to see what’s under Kakashis mask”

He knows all the trends and memes

Tbh he applies more effort into tiktok than his own life

Has a shit load of followers (1 mil+) and never lets anyone forget it

also he’s such a barb.. like it’s unreal

Raps Nicki songs and films it in three times speed for the British gurl effect

Shikamaru Nara

Probably has some sort of like reaction acc and says he got the app as a joke

Meanwhile he really enjoys it like he spends a good chunk of his day on it

Likes duetting videos from the weird side of tiktok with sarcastic remarks or a reaction pic

Trolls the shit out of any leaf shinobi on the app

Like he will duet their videos and just embarrass the shit out of them

Whether it’s roasting them, exposing them or whatever

He has to make constant new accounts bc they always block him or he gets banned

which is such a drag but it’s also worth it bc he gets a kick out of being a troll

Always on the weird side of tiktok

Anything he comments will be a top comment w a good couple hundred likes

Spends most a lot of time looking at Temaris TikToks bc she’s cute

Like Naruto, he is up to date w all the memes and trends — in fact he probably starts some

But never gets cred for it bc he constantly needs to make new accs

Literally his usernames are just Shikamaru1, Shikamaru2, Shikamaru3 and so on for each acc he has to make

Other than troll posts, he makes an occasional rant post about his mom or any shinobi that tells him to do work

And the comments will all be like “yes unmotivated king!” “Give us nothing!” “And that’s on being lazy”

Has dedicated followers that constantly follow his new accs

on the fyp a lottt which is kinda weird but makes sense.. I mean he’s smart enough to figure out TikToks algorithm

Sasuke Uchiha

I think we all seen this coming..

Maybe I’m a bit overboard but this is supposed to be funny

So here we go: HES A FUCKING EBOY

LIKE BDBDJSJSJS

Stop and like I picture him doin those tiktok transitions to a lil peep song and he has like 39 rings on his fingers

Gets trolled non stop by Shika, Kiba and Naruto

But at the end of the day ALL and I mean ALL the females on tiktok are drooling over him

Thinks he’s being so deep and edgy but it’s low key cringe

Everyone ignores that factor tho bc mans is hot

Let’s Shikamaru and naruto troll him bc his fan army will literally attack them

Wears chains, hella rings, just all the eboy drip

Girls think he’s a vampire and it makes their thirst even stronger ( mine too!! :* I am a whore afterall <3)

Does TikToks to Lana Del Rey songs

Will never ever ever ever post a tiktok dance, but he secretly knows all of them

Doesn’t keep up w the trends too much aside from the dances

tbh like he mostly just hops on to make a weird sad grungey video and then leaves

It drives naruto and kiba up the wall at how famous he is like he is always a million followers ahead of Naruto

And he doesn’t even try like wtf

His captions are always like: ☠️⚡️⛓🗡

Constantly on the fyp

Girls love how he gives them 0 attention, like he never responds to / likes comments, never duets videos, never goes live

But he still has a huge ass following

So many fan girls it’s unreal and like he’s so fucking mean to them but they still go back for more

It’s like they enjoy it!! Ik I do

[isabeladraws]

harrington fam doodles 🌿🌟🌻 big headcanon dump below | ko-fi

jett phoenix harrington, air & metal att

thief player and very good at it (becomes captain eventually)

not so academic but get's good enough grades (beckett still pushes him a lot)

 loves to travel (one year he suddenly hates it)

 him and selene are T R O U B L E M A K E R S

 mischevious and playful

 knows the deans office like the palm of his hand

 popular at school

 takes every opportunity to show off like his mom

 sunday's clumsy twin

 cry baby

 runs hot and biggest cuddler

 loves animals. he would always bring an injured animal home to nurse them back to health

 sporty and energetic, can't sit still for very long

 kind and open minded

 has sunday’s chaoticness with none of becketts caution lol

 wears his heart on his sleave

 beckett was the only one that could calm him as a baby

he starts to thrive academically at penderghast after picking his major (there was a lot of comotion surrounding this because beckett wanted him to choose the right path and be involved but the friction in their relationship made it seem beckett was disappointed and frustrated with jett instead)

selene maeve harrington, air & wood att

daddy's girl tm

can do no wrong in becketts eyes

very good at school with not much effort

teachers love her. sunday taught her all the tricks

 her favorite subject is natural studies, anything with herbology and potions

butterflies are her motif

 veeeery michisvious and is never caught. atlas taught her a few tricks to get past professors/beckett (she cant fool sunday though)

 appears to be unapproachable but is very loving

 atlas is her favorite person

 loves to garden & animals (bugs especially)

 bff with shreya's daughter (shreya and atlas may or may not be married in my headcanon)

she likes to travel and meet new people/species

 keeps a journal that is spelled to leave you smelling like farts for 48h if you (jett) try to read it

 has sunday's chaoticness with becketts caution/awareness

 morning person, loves to watch the sunrise

 loveees to dance and beckett is more than eager to be her teacher and dance partner

 has beckett's snobby/expensive taste

 pro at skiing

 she hates how often dad pulls out his philosophy major card to scold them for using their powers on each other (they all do tbh)

 she names her plants

very curious bub

marlow archie harrington, water & metal att

the baby tm

a bit of a wallflower compared to his siblings

beckett sees a lot of himself in marlow

loovees water related books

enjoys being near the water a lot

has very specific interests, like we'll just spit out random facts at the dinner table and beck and sunday look at each other like ?? 

he takes long ass baths (very particular with his bath bombs too)

he can be a bit blunt and rude if he's flustered and with strangers

atlas taught him how to breathe underwater and he spends a lot of time exploring

the merpeople love him, he brings them snacks

mister know it all, the smarty pants

beckett doesn't seem to be as hard on him as he is with jett

lowkey hates to travel

he enjoys routine and being in familiar places

observant and forgetful

big video game fan

he's better at metal than jett but jett has a better grasp of other attunements than he does 

loves to sleep with his parents and it was a habit hard to kill

asked for a fish tank for xmas but felt bad for the fish so he released them in the middle of the night

he's the one that figures out the triplets together can make sun magick

sunday & beckett's grocery shopping buddy

loves to cook

vegetarian

he doesn’t have freckles like his siblings, just a bunch of moles

sunday & beckett as parents 

not sure what their jobs would be (i would love to hear your thoughts on magickal jobs?) beckett maybe would have a job that he could do anywhere since his major is magick philosophy? sunday i think could go on to do thief professionally for a while but quits after getting pregnant. i don't think she'd want to go back afterwards. i wish we had more info what could be done post uni or an idea of the majors we could take. i could see both of them teaching later in life though. 

in my mind, they travel aaaaa lottt. like maybe twice a year would be least they travel. sunday wants to see the attunned world and beckett is more than happy to give her that. they both love exploring and gives them opportunity to be espontaneous and nerdy at the same time. beckett loves teaching sunday about things he always knew growing up but she's only now discovering. it started when sunday was asked to join a pro thief team and beckett was studying away for his masters. they'd take mini trips almost every 2 months to escape their lives and have these unforgetable memories. they got the bug and never stopped since. 

sunday after getting pregnant - which i think they were parents quite young at 25 - she wants to stay with her kids, beckett too, and they both find this need to be home all the time. they want to be there 24/7 and not leave the kids with nannies or babysitters. do not get me wrong, they ask the pend pals and the family to watch them frequently for sanity and date nights. beckett officially went back to work after 1 year of staying home, he started working properly after 8 months of the triplets being born though. sunday didn't mind being at home with them. she found motherhood to be the greatest code she could ever crack. 

around 6 months of the babies being born, beckett and sunday tried to travel for a few days to a nearby lake town. there, they discovered marlow's affinity to water. they had a hunch, the kid loved bath time but being in untamed water sparked something in him. after that, they decided to keep travelling, to take their kids exploring. they went on a trip almost every 2 months after that. beckett went back to work and it was time to adjust a little and slow down.

sunday became an avid photographer. they had filled out 3 albums in a year. "they grow so fast!!" she would say when beckett made fun of her after pulling out the camera.

as you can tell, they travel a lot. after the kids get a big bigger, they try to stay places a bit longer, so they can really explore. they do settle when the kids reach school-age, but keep travelling during weekends, school breaks, etc. i think they'd make big moves every 3 years, until officially settling in in their forever home, before the kids join penderghast. (this could change, depending on their jobs. but yeah u get the gist)

sunday cant cook for shit when she becomes a mom. beckett is much better at that. she becomes better bc she cant lose to her husband, of course. the kids will say they prefer her food now over his.

WHEN DO THEY GET MARRIED? who knows folks jdsngk (secretly eloping after graduating penderghast?)

surprisingly, sunday is the one with an iron fist. she sets rules like cleaning up, curfew, no using their powers to hit or fight each other, etc and she’s the one the kids don't want to defy the most. beckett gets annoyed easily but settles down fast and lets them go do everything in the end. sunday doesn't disapprove of them exploring and doing kid stuff but she has a bit of fear given what atlas has been through.

sunday is the ultimate soccer mom. the kid's biggest cheerleader

beckett teaches the kids yoga super early, marlow and selene find it very relaxing

beckett makes the triplets wear penderghast's uniform

sunday packs them regular clothes so they can wear wtv they want when they aren’t visiting (beckett made a surprise visit once so now they have a backup uniform in their bags at all times)

every sunday of the month is tuneless food day. (get it) they usually also make trips to tuneless cities during weekends to get even more in the mood.

sunday and beckett collect postcards from wherever they go. they have a big wall full of mementos and family photos.

(i haven't decided on familiars for the kids and i kinda want a new type for selene *coughs* butterfly *coughs*)

sunday starts some homeschooling with the kids. being attuned to every element has its perks and she enjoys teaching them spells. they’re quite advanced for kids their age, magick wise

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

Okay I have this idea for a long Good Omens fic that’s partially me projecting and working through stuff in a cathartic way through fic, but also I’m wanting to write it because it’s an interesting idea.

The premise is that it’s a human AU but Heaven is a culty church/school, Aziraphale is autistic and also a bit of a social outcast, and Crowley is a random person who runs into Aziraphale and sticks around.

As teens, Crowley and Aziraphale run into each other when Az’s church is on an outreach mission, and Crowley (at the time closeted and still pretending to be cis) thinks Az is fascinating. Aziraphale thinks he can convert Crowley, and gets his email (note: tech isn’t exactly his forte).

As they get older, Aziraphale starts opening up a bit and getting to know different parts of the world that aren’t present in Heaven, and at the same time, Crowley comes out as genderfluid and becomes the family black sheep (Hell).

Aziraphale ends up becoming a missionary, but mostly just does good things for people (also so he can be in the city). He ends up making friends with various other characters from the show (Anathema, Shadwell, etc), and says they’re his “project people” when in reality they’re just his secular friends that he doesn’t want to convert.

After a while, he settles down a bit and buys his bookshop. Through this whole thing, him and Crowley have grown steadily closer, and Crowley is honestly the person most responsible for teaching him about different secular stuff and helping him get closer to questioning Heaven (Crowley grew up in a somewhat religious family before leaving religion entirely, and definitely does not want Aziraphale to stay in Christianity because... well, yknow). This is also the point where Aziraphale realizes he’s ace but doesn’t realize he’s also not straight yet because hey look this is one repressed angel.

As time goes on, Heaven grew up more centered upon furthering things that they think would lead to Armageddon (they’re the sort to think climate change is good because it’ll lead to Armageddon and stuff), and Aziraphale can’t help but feel that it isn’t the right thing. At that point, he knows the Them, and has grown quite attached to the world in general.

Idk what I’m going to do in place of the Airbase scene but in some way Aziraphale leaves his church. Maybe Heaven lashes out at Aziraphale to try to get him to stay?

After that, he tries to hold on a bit to his beliefs, thinking perhaps he could redeem his religion personally, but he also starts to question things a lot once he’s out. Crowley is there for him all the way.

After that, it’s mainly a lottt of trauma processing and also Aziraphale realizing “oh my gosh I’m in love with my best friend.” At some point, they move in together, and there’s a lot of the aftermath of being in a cult (because c’mon we know processing stuff by writing fic is a thing), Aziraphale figuring out he’s autistic and a lot of things making a lot more sense, a lot of nice fluff, and yeah idk how I’m going to end it but it has more of an ambiguous but good ending. I’ve already written a small handful of fics from this afterwards time period (I’m retiredseraph on ao3) but idk how I’m gonna end it.

So that’s what I have planned! A lotttt of this is partially taken from my own experiences because that’s easier to write than an experience I don’t have (Crowley not being cis, Aziraphale being ace and demiromantic, the whole construction of Heaven, Aziraphale being autistic, etc etc).

I’d appreciate any suggestions/questions because I really need to flesh this story out better so I can get around to writing it, but yeah!

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviewcaps Stuff: Amphibia: Truck Stop Polly/A Caravan Named Desire

A day two days late but no dollars short, we reach the middle of the Plantar family vacation. Polly super runs away from home after feeling negelcted and gets a neat trucker hat while Hop Pop is forced to choose between his love of theater and aiding and abetting, Sprig tries to fit in with the cool kids and Anne tries to just finish her damn Koala puzzle already. The show must go on under the cut

Okay first why this was late... I had a LOTTT of cleaning to do for a vistor coming to the house, so while I did get the episode watched I didn’t have time to write about it till today.. ironically hours before my sister from another mister is having her wedding,  a small one in her backyard with all the food pre-packaged, but still it’s obviously a lot .. and yes this has been going through my head. 

Point is life’s been busy, this isn’t the first thing to get delayed, but I do want to try to get these out on saturday at least.  Second.. these eps faced an uphill battle.. see like the Lost Harp of Mirvana during my ducktales coverage earlier this year, this is what seems like an average ep from the summaries given out by disney.. right before a stream of far more important and intresting ones.  For this one it’s two fairly standard eps.. right before another fairly standard one.. that then leads into finding out both what Sasha’s doing and presumibly, why she’s still on the bad guy side like the intro suggests or if the intro is just lying. We won’t know till next week. And to make matters worse after that we have Kermit the frog’s episode.. as in kermit doing voice work not whoever his voice actor is now just doing a diffrent voice. And i’m so glad disney is continuing this beautifully insane idea that started when Fozzy voiced a character on Big City Greens. See this is good quality use of your muppets. Hopefully muppets now will keep this up later this week. Anyways paired with Kermit is the long awaited gravity falls homage “Wax Museum” with Alex Hirsch himself doing both stan stand in, a stan-in if you will, teh curator and frog soos. Which is the greatest name in Disney history since Sharkbomb. Oh and THEN, we finally get to newtopia and finally meet marcie.. and if that weren’t enough, the newt king is voiced by keith motherfucking david, disney royalty as voice of Goliath in Gargoyles (Which I really need to get off my ass and watch already, I have no excuse for taking this long. At least with Darkwing Duck the absolutley baffling airing order that isn’t disney plus’ fault for once but they scould still fix is a mild one.. if not enough of one) and Dr. Facilier in “The Princess and the Frog”, in which he sang one of the best villian songs in the disney canon. Never fails to kill me. He also should’ve been sexist man alive by now but fuck if I know why he hasn’t been.. even at 64 he’s still in the running and I will not back away from that sentence. That man can get it and his wife is a very lucky woman. SO yeah, Sasha, Kermit, Frog Soos, and then a one two punch of Marcy and keith fucking david, followed by i’m assuming a good helping of world building in newtopia and i’m not assuming thanks to the episode summaries including guest voices even MORE Keith David. So yeah like Mervana proceding Fenton and Boyd and then Daisy! an episode i’d been waiting for since last year’s comiccon, and was not disapointed by, this episode is before a giant pile of stuff i’ve been waiting for plus a thing I had no idea was coming with Keith David. And this show isn’t alone: next week’s owl house is another king episode about him making a big style wish that goes wacky.. right before we get Willow and Amity’s backstory, then the episode where hopefully the gays will win. This isn’t a new thing and will doubtfully occur again but like with Mirvana I gave these eps a fair shake. How did they shake out with the added pressure? let’s find out.

Truck Stop Polly

We start in the Wagon, or Fwagon as the family calls it but i’m not because no. Just no. Plus there isn’t a catchy song for caulking your Fwagon sung by the talented, and recently engaged congradulations Joey and Lauren now that was the kind of news I needed this week, Joey Richter. 

But no Bessie isn’t being caulked down for glue, Sprig and Anne are driving the wagon, Hop Pop is asleep, as he probably hasn’t slept and Polly.. isn’t doing so good. She’s clearly missing home seeing Miss Croaker.. onlyt o find a rock.. and then because this is Amphibia some kind of nightmare that reminds me of a baby xenomorph. Anyways the reason Polly ain’t doing so good is well she’s like.. 5, on a scary trail with no one to comfort her, and none of the old comforts of home to help her forget her very likely death before she’s even big enough to rip a man’s heart out with her bear hands. I mean that’s been in her 7th birthday plans for like, forever. She TRIES to replicate old things, first trying for story time.. which fails because while Hop Pop tries, he can’t stay awake because he apparently, as the episode will prove out, hasin’t heard of caffine, while trying to get her older siblings to read to her just gets them and her in trouble when she gets bessie ran into something and Polly’s attempt at bath time afterword just floods everyone out. Thankfully while the episode does go with the “Character tries things multiple times and is destined to fail” thing, something i’ve seen a lottt in animation and as i’ve made clear in my handful of loud hosue reviews i’m not a big fan of it... but it works well here. It takes up only a portion of the episode and is used well. Nuff said. But it’s with the aftermath where things really start to shine and we really get why this episode works: Polly messed up bad yes.. but she’s also , again 5. Her family just sorta forgot that 5 year olds need a lot of attention because this is one who probably has ripped a man’s heart out... the bear hands thing is more just because it’s cooler that way. But Polly isn’t really thinking about anyone else but herself and this episode reveals a problem polly has: She puts up such a tough front she has trouble  opening up.. which makes sense. Polly wants to be taken seriously, as seen with the inn episode last season, and likely feels acting her age will just get them to stop doing that.. but as we saw there while she’s utterly capable in a crisis.. she’s still a small child, it’s still scary and she needs what all little kids need as much as she needs a freshly ripped out heart with breakfast. But what really makes the scene is, as Polly hides, Hop Pop loudly and crushingly for the poor tadpole, outright wonders if they should’ve just left her with Ms. Croaker. And yeah this is a .. hard thing to hear.  That her only parental figure regrets bringing her and feels he woudl’ve been better leaving her away from her family for what’s at the very least a month and will defintely be longer.. and not just because of future episode synopisis. And if they succeed with anne.. one of them wouldn’t be coming back. She’d miss telling her big sister good bye and that’s a LOT to take away from her and probably explains,besides Polly being badass, why they still took her: She may never see Anne again. And if Anne can’t get home, she wouldn’t of b een there for her. Polly tears up and it’s a ROUGH scene. But what really makes this scene already amazing work.. is the immdite followup. Sprig and Anne are both shocked by this and Anne , in typical “the character only heard the bad part” fashion, and as Della has proven even full grown adults aren’t immune to this so don’t feel too bad polly, asks if he really meant that. And he didn’t. It’s what makes the scene work so hopping good: it’s realistic. We’ve all had moments where a parent, a friend,  or even ourselves has just said something, something hurtful, or yelled or screamed or what have you at osmeone without meaning it.. and sometimes you can’t take that back. But we’ve all been pushed to the limit, stressed or tired or upset and just.. snapped and said something terrible. And it’s this realness that really makes it worse. Hop Pop explains he’s just exausted.. which makes sense. He has trouble deligating, being utterly terrified of Anne and Sprig taking up watch duty, and has probably been driving without sleep for a week at the LEAST given the trip’s been said to have gone on longer than planned. So he’s not in any good shape, and Anne and Sprig do consider she had her reasons. Anne does give Hop Pop coffee for the first time, which perks him right up. Polly however is still hurting and decides to use 5 year old logic and leave a fake, a convient purple ball she find sthat she dresses up with a sleep mask and her bow, and figures once they find out she’s not there, they’ll feel bad and come back. it’s a short sighted plan but we’ve all probably thought of something like this at her age. I once ran away from home carrying among things i’ve forgotten by cyclops helpmet from the x-men.. must’ve been from the 80′s as by the 90′s he let his hair out. Wish I still had that thing or at least a cyclops visor. Love that guy. This naturally backfires as while Sprig and Anne try talking to polly, Sprig thinks she’s alseep and warns anne never to wake her.. never... how.. how many stabbings did she give you before that sunk in man? Are you okay sprig? Polly naturally freaks the fuck out upon thinking her family abandoned her, but vows to start a new life.. with flapjacks and more story times. She dosen’t know anybody.. cue swampy joe from last season. A welcome return, horay! Anyways Swampy naturally not leaving a child to die because this is amphibia and not an average night in Monkey D Luffy’s childhood, and also gets her a sweet trucker hat off screen. I assume she put it on exactly like this. Polly gripes about the situation.. but in a refreshing and suprising, to both me and polly, change of pace we don’t get them agreeing or her getting a new life: The Truckers point out the main issue: She’s homesick, and she’s trying desperatley to seek comfort in old rituals without adapting to the fact that some simply don’t work as well in their new situation or taking the fact her family is busy and this is stressful for them too into account. It’s also a nice moral for thes quarantine times; sometimes you can’t get normal back easily, and have to adapt and you have to consider others feelings as hard as it might be. They also peg her being so hardned on the outsdie she dosen’t let things in and again while this is new.. it does track. We’ve rarely seen polly upset, or vunerable or any of that.. so this simply makes it a character trait.. that part of why she rarely acts like the 5 year old she is is she’s scared of letting people in and loosing what ground she’s gained with Hop Pop. As for why their so wise it’s because when your alone driving for miles on the open road you have nothing but self improvment.. and in a great bit the lone female trucker among them got her PhD, and celebrates with her friend with a high tounge. Of course bigger problems arrive. Turns out taking some random object you found without checking for a zany scheme isn’t wise as a man comes in wondering where his roc’s egg went.. roc’s bein ga type of bird.. a giant bird. That kills the first frog it sees upon hatching, like imprinting only more horrifying.. so like the twilight version of imprinting then. And yes i’m aware i’m bashing twilight still, and while I largely don’t care, having an 18 year old man romantically imprint on a baby, rapid aging or no, is fucking creepy and not a good ending for the character. And yes that actually happened. Polly gets Soggy Joe, now speedy joe complete with hat and yes you need to call him that Polly finds out, to give her a lift back home. Meanwhile back home, Anne decides to read to polly anyway. I mean she just watched her sorta girlfriend sacrifice herself and then get carted off by the scary asshole who wanted to presumibly put her grandpa’s head on a spike outside his tower as a warning. Polly stabbing her a few times dosen’t really stack up. But she discovers she’s not there and gives out a code purple.. which ges the rest of the family right on time. Polly and Joe catch up with them and find the roc emerging out of the caravan and everyone fighting. Thankfully polly static clings on Joe’s fringe seats, which Joe grumbles about, and builds up the static before having him fast ball special her into the bird, which beats it. Polly takes credit for about five seconds.. before Hop Pop uses her full name as he’s pissed.. not about the giant death bird, a giant bird trying to murder you seconds after birth is just an average tuesday on this hell planet.. though i’d still trade it for our hell planet if they could get streaming down. No like any good parent he’s upset she ran away.. and devistated when Polly tears up and reveals she heard his whole thing earlier, with Hop Pop gently apologizing and explaning he took just how grown up she is for granted, with the Anne and Sprig naturally agreeing and the four hug. I do wish Polly apologized.. but it still works anyway as she’s still 5, she does feel bad about it, and she did just save their lives. The episode would’ve been slightly better with it but works fine. Soggy Joe offers to tow them, because he’s a class act, and Hop Pop decides to have storytime with everyone.. Anne points out she’s 13 but eh why not. Also I did like getting conformation how old she is as before it was just conjecture by me that she was 13 or 14. For the record as you can tell I peg polly as five, Sprig as 9 or 10, and Hop Pop as me shrugging. Also Polly’s normal story is a gritty noir story about a man trying to murder his wife’s killer.. which is funny enough and explains a lot about polly enough.. until we get a POP UP BOOK POP UP OF A HAND HOLDING A KNIFE. Just.. (Chef’s kiss) my god. Of course Anne loves it. 

Final Thoughts for this Episode:  A really good one, that has  a lot of intresting dynamics and remembered Polly’s age without overwriting her character.. it still felt in character and was a nice reminder she’s still a young child, just one that can Volt Tackle large birds and who likes noir revenge quests as her bed time story. It added some more depth to Polly and it was something she really needed, giving her a vunerable side again and expanding on that. The first third does drag a bit.. but once the episode gets going it gets really fucking excellent.. while “child feels neglected and runs away” isn’t a new story, it works here both due to it’s realism, giant muder bird, or birderer if you will, non-withstanding, and due to being rooted in the Plantar’s characters.  It’s damn good and like Mirvana was a nice suprise of an episode. 

A Caravan Named Desire Suprisie a wedding is exausting and not only did I have to abandon finishing this review to get ready for it, but was too tired to actually finish this when I got home.  Aw well. Let’s keep it going. 

We open as our heroes are about to enter the thirsty swamp, another desert region, but this time more deserty. Anne scoffs at needing hydration.. before a cut to her utterly dehydrated and pouring the canteen on herself.. which she pulled up including sprig who gives out a whee. As adorable as it is chuckle worthy. Hop Pop is worried because as his faviorite plays says the area is full of terrible monsters and bandits.. and the kids groan because he’s clealry talked about this play a lot. As it turned out Hop Pop always wanted to be an actor, but gave it up.. and this is where I feel the episode missed some good character stuff: We never find out a lot about Hop Pop at that age: why he wanted to buck tradiition when why by present day he’s nothing but tradition, or why he gave up after one failed audition.. it’s not a bad episode, but I feel we missed out on an opprutnity to learn more about Hop Pop’s past, an area the show really hasn’t dug into apart from “He and sylvia were into each other once and he has a rvial and now he’s dating Sylvia for real this time so yay”. And speaking of which it is weird he hasn’t brought her up.. I mean he dosen’t have to miss his girlfriend every 5 minutes, that’d get fucking annoying , and the silver age fantastic four comics where Johnny storm would constantly pine for a girl he met for all of 5 minutes, carried over to the 90′s cartoon but toned down, are proof that’d be annoying. But it’s still just.. weird it hasn’t come up once so far.. we have a full season for it too, but it just feels like the show abrubtly left most of it’s supporting cast behind without asking how any of htem felt about Anne and the plantars leaving after spending a full season having them go from mildly tolerated to beloved by the town, especially Anne.  Anyways before Hop Pop can bring up his one time as Tony in the wartwood production of west side story, they have worm sign and soon a sandworm is chasing them because of course Amphibia has sand worms. Their thankfully saved by a mysterious woman and her caravan, Renee Frodgers, the writer of the play Hop Pop won’t shut up about and no one else cares about.. kind of like me with.. everything. Pretty much everything. But with auditions going on Hop Pop gladly follows Renee back into her office, while a nearbye actor kid offers to take the Plantar kids to the kids car. Sprig and Polly are entirely on board, but Anne’s answer?

Turns out when Anne was widdle, somewhere from 4 to 6, she was in a school play about dental hyginee as a tooth tripped.. and everything caught fire. “4 out of 5 detinsts say I was traumatized.”, a great line. So Anne’s noping out of this one and decides to instead work on her Kola’s of Passion jigsaw puzzle.. which if that’s for an animatied ripoff of titanic but with Kolas I will give all my money to see that.. well no I need that but I do have an unopened can of pringles on my desk and a penguins of madagascar dvd I got for free at a garage sale. Will that work? Please? So we have our two main plots and running gag: Sprig trying to fit in with the kids, hop pop living out his dreams and anne trying to finish a puzzle. And since the plots really don’t intersect till the last moment apart from one scene with Anne, i’ll be covering both seperatley.  Sprig’s plot is very simple: He wants the theater kids to like him, the lead actor treats him like crap, Polly gets accepted but is just sorta there htis episode outside of one great gag that we’ll get to in a moment, and eventually sprig just gets fed up and tells the guy off. It’s not all that enjoyable as I relate a bit too much to desperatley wanting to be liked in high school by people who were utter dicks.. and breifly in college online, so it brings back too many bad memories but hte punchline of sprig jumping back into frame in cosutme the minute he gets acceptance for telling the pissant off is priceless.  Now with that out of the way, back a few minutes ago Hop Pop tries auditioning but tries to hard and fails, and dosen’t get the part, in part because he has no experince but later storms back in and tells Renee off.. and that honest passion gets him the lead. And .. turns out Hop Pop is a master actor getting love from the masses and living out his dream. Again it’s where I wish we got more drive, more of his past. I don’t know why other than “I want to act” why Hop Pop wants this so bad or why it means so much. I know what he wants, paul, but not WHY he wants it. I do get time constraints.. but if that was the case.. why keep the sprig subplot? He could just be an extra or stage crew or making a puzzle with anne or some other shenanigan that required less screentime. I do REALLY like spirg, this season if nothing else has made me realize how good the character is, I just feel for this episode the other minutes could’ve gone better to set up Hop Pop’s love of acting and past better and give us more of how Hopidah went from a wannabe actor ready to leave tradition behind to someone who clings to it like something clingy. This episode isn’t bad but there’s more it could’ve done.  Anyways the good times, and the tour and if your curious the wagon is being stored somewhere on the caravan since they can’t safetly travel alone, end when Hop Pop walks in on Renee planning a heist. Now granted instead of the obvious of “oh their just theives’ the troop are legit actors, directors etc... the heists are because, much like on earth, no one supports the arts and they need money to keep going and keep putting on shows, hence Renee and her two goons rob the towns they visit during the more powerful moments of Hop Pop’s performance. And this is something like. While “Character wants to do something and ends up getting recruited by shady people for a scheme to do it” isn’t at all new, here it’s intresting because instead of being bad at it or the scheme being related to the heist or the normal twists.. Hop Pop is legit good, we even see a bit of his performance later and loved, instead of just being so bad it’s useful, and the theives aren’t just after money but keeping their art alive.  So Hop Pop is conflicted and turns to Anne.. and ruins her puzzle because of course he does, but while Anne tells him the obvious: Stealing is bad even to support our badly unfunded arts, otherwise modern artists would be pulling daring heists all the time.. seriously that should be a show, Hop Pop decides he’s such a godo actor he can convince himself nothing’s going on. Sprig comes in for his subplot and annoys anne further and also dosen’t listen to her and Polly.. just tells Anne she loves her with Anne screaming it back. It’s a great punchline to the scene and also really sweet. Aww.  So Hop Pop tries to get used to aiding and abetting but realizes during his big scene he just.. can’t turn his concsen off, outs renee then gets into a chase with her, with renee making hte mistake of detaching the front car to escape.. only to end up Worm food. She’ll make good spice at least.. I guess? I don’t know how Dune works. She’s arrested, and Hop Pop and family book it after the kids accidently spill he knew about the crime ahead of time and did nothing. The end. 

[heartspac-e]

done healing yet?

5.23.19

I spent 3 hours at Barnes and Nobles yesterday and I came across the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It talks a lot about how women often picture this romcom-esque love story but in reality, bitch - better be falling in love with Jesus. It also talks a lottt about healing and basically.. how healing isn’t living under a facade of strength (reminds me of that Kelly Clarkson song “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”), it’s being willing to admit you’re broken and allowing God to redeem those areas of your life.

It sounds all great and spiritually-sound but as I read about the personal anecdotes she gave, some of them hit a little too close to home and stirred up some emotions that I thought were left in the past.

It brought me to question.. so then.. am I just never completely healed? Because every time I think about painful parts of my past, it brings up shame, guilt, bitterness, etc. / How do I know if I’m completely healed? omg - what does it even mean to be healed then? 

(No, I don’t believe in “well if you have to ask, then you’re probably not totally over it.” Even if that’s true, it’s more complicated than that) 

I think about all of my past relationships that I thought I healed from. The girl who was obsessed with body shaming. The girl who manipulated me. The girl who ditched me to date a guy. The guy who cheated on me with his ex. And the list goes on. 

The saying goes something along the lines of “learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them.” I used to think that not repeating a mistake was an indication of healing. And yes, in a sense, sure it could, but it goes deeper than that. Yesterday’s hurts. Still today’s struggles. For example, eating disorder from the past.. sometimes things like confidence and self-worth and my relationship with food are put into an uncomfortable spotlight. Or getting cheated on in the past.. still makes it hard to believe that not all guys are trash. Sounds discouraging.. as if I’m permanently damaged.. tainted.. but it’s a reminder of how much more I need to invite God into those areas of my life. 

Yes, I understand that we’re all broken and sinful people and constantly in need of God’s love and grace daily, but I guess I see another layer of it now. I’d always thought of it more as like “I know that at any moment I could always mess up and hurt someone” but it also speaks to so much of the brokenness and the sins of my past that are constantly brought back up.

No, it’s not a sign of weakness to continuously struggle with the same things - something I’m still learning and fighting to believe.. and even allowing God to mend those parts of me and figuring out what that even means/looks like. 

This past semester, I saw myself really starting to believe the lie that I have to show God that because he loves and the Bible is my source of strength that yes God, of course I’m healing - I mean.. look how much it’s improving my mood, making me a more loving person, how much more I’m putting my energy toward serving.. I also started believing the lie that not “getting better” was equivalent to saying that Jesus dying on the cross wasn’t enough for me. Growing in faith and progressing in healing are separate (sure related, but not meant to be forced to match in pace). 

SO.. while it sounds discouraging as if I’m just doomed to eternal sadness and pan because I’m never going to completely heal (or at least I haven’t seen signs of it in my life).. it’s all the more important to look to the cross and understand the redemption that Christ’s blood has won and COMPLETED for me. 

(And side note - I can’t transfer negative energy and mask it as fuel to do more good to make me feel better about myself. There’s a difference between doing God’s work my way and doing God’s work God’s way. God’s way stems from serving because of the love that I’ve experienced through Him first.. sooo I need to learn what it means to accept love in the broken areas of my life and not just tell myself to get over it to not seem weak. Strength doesn’t come from an outward display of being all put-together or even the saying “fake it till you make it.” Instead, it’s.. well I’m still figuring it out. Sure, there’s the Christianese sayings “I’m secure in my identity as a child of God,” “my strength is in the cross”.. yea yea they’re all true but I’m still figuring out what it looks like to be so fulfilled by God’s love that I don’t need to rely on anything else for strength. When there’s no desperation for anything else. No need for validation and approval from anything else. Nothing but God.)