#alas we have to accept that this book exists

[the-ultimate-junkyard]

SIGN UP TO REWRITE THE SUN AND THE STAR

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Do you have a list of good sex ed books to read?

BOY DO I

please bear in mind that some of these books are a little old (10+ years) by research standards now, and that even the newer ones are all flawed in some way. the thing about research on human beings, and especially research on something as nebulous and huge as sex, is that people are Always going to miss something or fail to account for every possible experience, and that's just something that we have to accept in good faith. I think all of these books have something interesting to say, but that doesn't mean any of them are the only book you'll ever need.

related to that: it's been A While since I've read some of these so sorry if anything in them has aged poorly (I don't THINK SO but like, I was not as discerning a reader when I was 19) but I am still including them as books that have been important to my personal journey as a sex educator.

additionally, a caveat that very few of these books are, like, instructional sex ed books in the sense of like "here's how the penis works, here's where the clit is, etc." those books exist and they're great but they're also not very interesting to me; my studies on sex are much more in the social aspect (shout out to my sociology degree) and the way people learn to think about sex and societal factors that shape those trends. these books reflect that. I would genuinely love to have the time to check out some 101 books to see how they fare, but alas - sex ed is not my day job and I don't have the time to dedicate to that, so it happens slowly when it happens at all. I've been meaning to read Dr. Gunter's Vagina Bible since it came out in 2019, for fucks sake.

and finally an acknowledgement that this is a fairly white list, which has as much to do with biases with academia and publishing as my own unchecked biases especially early in my academic career and the limitations of my university library.

ANYWAY here's some books about sex that have been influential/informative to me in one way or another:

The Trouble With Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life (Michael Warner, 1999)

Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (Laura M. Carpenter, 2005)

Virgin: The Untouched History (Hanne Blank, 2007)

Sex Goes to School: Girls and Sex Education Before the 1960s (Susan K. Freeman, 2008)

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex (Mary Roach, 2008)

Transgender History: The Roots of Today's Revolution (Revised Edition) (Susan Stryker, 2008)

The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women (Jessica Valenti, 2009)

Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex (Amy T. Schalet, 2011)

Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality (Hanne Blank, 2012)

Rewriting the Rules: An Integrative Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships (Meg-John Barker, 2013)

The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Realities (Rachel Hills, 2015)

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Tranform Your Sex Life (Emily Nagoski, 2015)

Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men (Jane Ward, 2015)

Too Hot to Handle: A Global History of Sex Education (Jonathan Zimmerman, 2015)

American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus (Lisa Wade, 2017)

Histories of the Transgender Child (Jules Gill-Peterson, 2018)

Revolting Prostitutes: The Fight for Sex Workers' Rights (Juno Mac and Molly Smith, 2018)

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex (Angela Chen, 2020)

Pleasure in the News: African American Readership and Sexuality in the Black Press (Kim Gallon, 2020)

A Curious History of Sex (Kate Lister, 2020)

Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity (Peggy Orenstein, 2020)

Black Women, Black Love: America's War on Africa American Marriage (Dianne M. Stewart, 2020)

The Tragedy of Heterosexuality (Jane Ward, 2020)

Hurts So Good: The Science and Pleasure of Pain on Purpose (Leigh Cowart, 2021)

Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs (Ina Park, 2021)

The Right to Sex: Feminist in the Twenty-First Century (Amia Srinivasan, 2021)

Love Your Asian Body: AIDS Activism in Los Angeles (Eric C. Wat, 2021)

Superfreaks: Kink, Pleasure, and the Pursuit of Happiness (Arielle Greenberg, 2023)

[feelinungry]

and i will always, always, be defending the "plot-holes" that are not actually plot-holes at all. i've seen people on facebook complain so many times about the ending of the game - about the siege of talmberg to be more exact.

"just attack it", "just take it down", "why doesn't divish just do it", "ohh his wife he can't even fuck! nobody gives a damn", "henry doesn't even really care for radzig at this point" etc.

and i have to go back to that one solitary thing this game literally cannot exist without: love. it's the main aspect, it's the pillars the story stands on, it's everything.

medieval movies and books like to picture the old times ala skyrim: "my son was very young when he died. but he did so while doing his duty. he fell for skyrim! he fell for the empire! i do not mourn for i am proud!"

"oh, i loved my father more than anything. but he is gone now. that is life."

it is. but. hear me out. people back then - were actually just like people now. we break down when we lose someone we adore, cherish, love, protect. no matter how stoic we may be, we don't take it lightly, do we?

so, if you think about it, is it a plot-hole, when divish refuses to attack his castle because

it's his home and he loves it

his wife is in there

his friend is also in there?

robard would not attack if it were divish in there. radzig would not attack if it were henry in there. hans would not attack if it were hanush in there. istvan would not attack if it were erik in there. captain bernard would not attack if it were hans in there.

it all comes back to love. and wanting people you care about safe.

martin running back to certain death because his wife is in the village when the cumans attack.

both parents worrying about nothing but their beloved son even while they are being brutally murdered.

everyone on talmberg willing to lock henry up just to keep him away from skalitz (for reasons yet unknown).

theresa making a last stand for someone just as lost as her.

the understanding he's met with when henry comes and admits his failure to radzig, the fact that he went against direct order. (nothing, absolutely nothing else but radzig being in debt to martin, or radzig being someone close to henry, could explain the understanding, the acceptance, and the outcome of the whole situation. how do you think henry - who is just a young man, not a hero, not a dragonborn, not a chosen one - would get away with all this?)

henry backed out of the night raid on talmberg because hans was wounded and wouldn't survive long enough for the mission to succeed.

hans (in one of the outcomes) carried him out on his back, saving his fat ass. no time for glory, no time for saving the hostages when it's suddenly your best friend who is on the ground and bleeding out. he might have succeeded with the mission. yet he didn't hesitate when suddenly it was him who was put in the shoes of those who just wanted to keep their loved ones safe. it was stephanie for divish (he approved the raid). it was radzig for henry (he was the one who went first and most willingly). and it was henry for hans (who immediately backed out on henry's behalf). all those actions were based on love.

would you attack talmberg, knowing there was someone you loved? someone you wanted to know better, someone you wanted to learn how to love, someone who could have been much closer if he only tried? someone you only just met?

the whole story starts with love, continues with love, ends with love. it is everywhere you look and you don't even have to romance anyone to see it, to feel it. it is in the npcs' lives, it's the motivation behind so many actions. it's in henry's decisions. in your decisions.

because, don't you just love this game?

[naamah-beherit]

On fanzines and the mess their current state is

Or: musings from a writer's biased perspective.

This post has been a long time coming, but always something else caught my attention and months passed as such. Finally, the time has come.

There was a zine wank recently. The mods proved to be quite ignorant how art works, kicked the artist, the artist went public with receipts, the mods insisted it wasn't like that, and the whole affair kept derailing with possibly another explanation for the kicking until at last the mods cancelled the zine. And it's just the latest wank of many. A zine here took money and never delivered the product, another zine there has a mod who hasn't read the book but only heard about it from their friends who, coincidentally, are the other mods. And so on, and so forth. Everywhere you look, there's a fanzine. Multiple fanzines in fact, sometimes at the same time. Which is understandable, given how old a concept of a zine is and how solid their foundations in fandoms.

Or, well, technically, because when I think about the zines of today, I can't help but realise they're gradually losing the connection to their roots.

(yes, this might be another post of the "old person yells at clouds" type. I'm fully aware of that)

I won't summarise a history of zines, because that's not the point here and also Fanlore has done a much better job in this article. It does serve as a good starting point, though, if you've never ventured past "zines are a thing that exist". The most important thing to keep in mind is: the zines used to be about much more than just art. And here lies some of my beef with them.

Nowadays, most if not all zines are art books. Worse than that: art books that refuse to acknowledge the fact, own it, and market themselves accordingly. I actually own an art book that was announced and sold as such (Ages of Arda Anthology), which to this day in all my fandoms¹ remains the only publication of that kind. And if the zines of today would have acknowledged their main focus is mostly if not only art, I wouldn't be writing this.

Alas, here we are. I participated in four zines. Additionally, I was one of the editors in one of those. It was the first English Hualian zine, actually, back in 2019 - unless another one somehow slipped my mind, but I don't think so. My 2019 was bad, but TGCF is the only thing I remember well from that time. I've also been traditionally published (three times so far), which is also relevant to the rant. I admit I don't remember how many check-ins we had for that one zine I was in the staff of. We had a word/size limit for the entries. As fas as I recall, that was the entry criteria. I might be missing details, though; I was hella depressed at the time. Like I said, bad year, few memories and 99% of them is TGCF.

But anyway, the other three zines I wrote for. I applied, was accepted, went through the process, saw it to the end. You know, the "usual" zine process. The one I've got Opinions™ about.

Let's start with submissions. x samples of works of y quality. Okay, sure, we all think without stopping to realise it's a tad weird to submit a selected portfolio of works for a hobby event as if it were a job application. It gets weirder the longer you think about it, because, as I once wrote, fandom is for fun. It's a hobby. Maybe I'm old and jaded, or an idealist, or an old jaded idealist, but I believe everyone has a place in something as deeply tied to the fandom as a fanzine.

Then comes what I've got a personal vendetta against: check-ins and deadlines. Sure, I know people create projects with specific time frames in mind, but dear gods, again, it's not a job. Nothing bad will happen if dates shift around a bit when there's no money involved. Maybe it's just me being bitter about putting fun, fannish activity into strict professional frames. again, I'm old and jaded. And dear gods, check-ins. Here's when my trad pub history comes into play, because in neither case I had to let the editorial staff know I was actually working. True, it might be a case for a story that isn't done yet, doubly so if there's a deadline looming over both an author and their editor, but when you submit something finished and aren't asked to revise&resubmit, you go over the editorial input, make the changes (or not if you're feeling brave, lol), send it back, go over the proof copy, submit possible adjustments, and that's it. Or at least that's how it worked for me for two magazines and a short story anthology.

What does it matter if someone writes a story the day before the zine submissions are due? If it works for them, then it shouldn't be an issue. Again, it might be just me, but standardising and project-managising a hobby activity doesn't really sit well with me. From my very biased perspective, I don't see fun in chasing deadlines and writing on the clock, but that's just me.

Zine being a project rather than fun activity also ties to it becoming a product. That means a zine has to sell to at least cover the production cost, and with the quality the organisers and the audience expect, the labour cost is basically non-existent. That at least remained from a fun hobby activity - people working for free, lol. It also enables situations when the same few highly popular artists partake in most or all zines in a fandom (often upon invitations, whose very existence makes my blood boil), leading to a reality where zines become an endless cycle of repetition. And don't even get me started on invitations that add to the marketing strategy of selling the zines. "Here are our wonderful, carefully selected artists, and here's everyone else". That's how I see it. Where has "we're all fans of the same thing" gone? Where's "share our mutual love for the same thing"? Instead, we get invited people and those who have to submit a CV-like application for a senior position.

You ruined a perfectly good fan activity, is what you did. Look at it, it's got capitalism.

And last but not least, art books that refuse to acknowledge what they are and the subsequent treatment of writers.

The longer I look at zines, the lower the artists:writers ratio is becoming. Sure, people like to look at art, because it's quite often easier and always quicker than reading. Sure, ain't nobody got time for reading these days. BUT. The growing disparity between respect and reception of works of artists vs writers is, well, growing, and by not giving writers an equal treatment and exposure in something as important to fandoms as fanzines doesn't help to improve the situation. Again, my opinion, but when seeing zine promos that have got approximately 20-30+ artists and 5-10 writers at most is not cool. This is why I say most of the zines these days are art books that refuse the name. And there's nothing wrong with that name, or with including only artists in something that's only about visual art. But when it's mixed for art and writing, then the least zine organisers could do is make the numbers equal. Again, we're all fans of the same thing, and no fan activity is better than the other when its outlet is meant to be varied. Also, where are cosplayers? Where are meta writers? Both of those have got a place in a fanzine as well and should be given a treatment equal to other expression of fannish love.

Am I trying to turn back a river with a stick? Probably. But I'm fed up with zines that fail because someone embezzles funds, zines that prioritise the same group of people over and over again over a more diverse crowd, or claim they're welcoming to all forms of expressions but obviously prefer to include only fanart. I'm fed up with manufacturing zine after zine after zine just because they sell. I'm fed up with fandom becoming more and more of a structured professional endeavour instead of a hobby. I'm fed up with audience that constantly demands a faster and faster stream of, well, content. Neither of those is what fandom and fanzines should be like.

.

PS. not proofread. Sorry, I'm too dead to do that, so mistakes may get fixed within the next few days, 'cause they sure as hell are many.

__

¹ - I don't know anything about other fandoms, though. Like I said: it's all opinions from a very personal angle.

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

Thoughts about the library of Alexandria?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING i'm always glad to talk about this lol

think about the library of alexandria. i bet i can guess what you think you know about it: a vast store of knowledge which was destroyed by julius caesar, as a result of which europe was plunged into a dark age.

what if i told you that none of that is true? or, at the very least, not substantiated in a way that any scholar would accept it?

putting details under the cut bc um. i am very passionate about this

let's start with the most egregious and outdated claim: that the loss of knowledge stored in the library of alexandria was responsible for a wider loss of knowledge in europe, commonly called the dark ages.

the whole concept of a 'dark age' in european history has been strongly contested in recent years, with many scholars pointing out continued scholarly activity and education, serious artistic development and monumental building, and little evidence for a large increase in illiteracy. basically, there wasn't a 'dark age' when all ancient knowledge was lost and barbarism took over - this is a fiction, first concocted by renaissance scholars who wanted to distinguish their age from earlier ones, and maintained by such bastards as edward gibbon, who had their own agendas to maintain through the claim that the birth of nations and the rise of christianity in europe was the death of knowledge. it therefore stands to reason that if there were no 'dark ages', then the destruction of the library of alexandria was not responsible for them.

"but pinkie!" i hear you cry, "maybe the destruction of the library didn't cause a worldshattering loss of knowledge, but it did exist, and it was destroyed? right?"

alas. the past is never as simple as that, especially not the ancient past. you might have seen this post about the difficulty in truly knowing 'facts' about the ancient world. while it is true that it is very difficult to know 100% for absolute certain what happened 2000+ years ago, there are many things that classicists can be pretty sure about. when a classicist says something happened, it is an argument they are making based on multiple independent written sources and supporting archaeological evidence.

a good example is the rhodes earthquake of 226/7BC - while we obviously don't have seismic data, or newspaper articles, or video of this event, we have multiple records of the event from different chroniclers, and epigraphic evidence of aid given from other Hellenistic kingdoms to rebuild the city after the earthquake. therefore, we can be fairly certain that it did happen, even if some specifics are still debatable (like whether or not there was a tsunami after the earthquake, or exactly what year it happened in since ancient greek years were different from the system we use now).

in the case of the library of alexandria - its construction, its contents, its scale, its destruction - we have very little in the way of corroborating evidence. the earliest source which mentions the library is a rhetorical letter by an unknown author, dating from the 2nd century BC. over the next six centuries many others wrote accounts which mentioned the library; they contradict each other on almost every point, and most of the agreeing facts are explainable by the fact that later writers were basing their accounts on earlier ones.

some of the key points these accounts disagree on are:

• who was responsible for building the library in the first place, and when (ptolemy I? ptolemy II? demetrius of phalerum? aristotle?)

• how many books the library contained (ancient estimates range from 40,000 to 700,000 - Bagnall (2002) and Nesselrath (2012) have both attempted to calculate the number of works which could have been held in the library, based on the number of ancient texts known to have existed at the time and have found the numbers. overblown to say the least)

• the kinds of texts the library contained (everything ever written or just texts in greek and latin? key point of contention in this category is whether or not early jewish texts were included)

• what happened to the library, exactly (destroyed by a fire started by julius caesar in 48 BC? destroyed by Christians in the 391 AD riots which also killed Hypatia? destroyed when the emperor Aurelian invaded in 272 AD? or, as some modern scholars have suggested, had the library already deteriorated by 48 BC due to natural causes and political neglect? many accounts also record evidence of scholarship continuing in alexandria long after 48 BC - how could this happen if the library had been destroyed? some accounts don't mention the destruction of the library at all)

what's more, there is, to date, very little archaeological evidence to support the ideas that:

1) a library of the scale described by even the most moderate of ancient accounts existed (remember that texts at the time were written on scrolls, which took up far more space than books)

2) there was any great destructive event in 48 BC (evidence has been found for the destruction caused by Aurelian's invasion in the late 3rd century - see Empereur (2008))

(it's worth noting that improved marine archaeology techniques have lead to some impressive discoveries in Alexandria in recent years - no evidence yet which has been argued to be the library, but it could definitely happen)

i could go on, but i feel like nobody would enjoy that (and i have to get my laundry from the dryer in like 5 minutes). to conclude, basically everything people think they know about the library of alexandria is either demonstrably false, or not able to be corroborated to any acceptacle scholarly standard. and it really annoys me when people still post that fucking bullshit graph of the """""knowledge lost""""" when the library was destroyed lmao it's bullshit!!!!!!!

rant over bc i do need to get my laundry lol. might reblog later and add sources in case anyone wants to read up on this!! bc u shouldn't just take my word for it obviously ❤️

[vanikolya]

cw: mentions of death, spoilers for volume 9 of vnc

reader info: meant to be f!reader but i'm also kind of bad at writing for specific genders it never really comes up that much

notes: @rin-idk i posted this early and i had to delete it im so sorry sjdjdjf, i'm basing this off this theory! (spoilers for volume 9). this is also a continuation of my past louis x reader headcanons, the reader will be the same and have that history with louis!

LOUIS DE SADE X READER HCS (AU WHERE HE LIVES)

being domi and noe's friend, it's likely to say you would later go on to meet vanitas just as they did, so you'd reasonably have an idea about the comings and goings of the main plot

although even after meeting a vampire doctor who held the book of vanitas and used it for good... louis "coming back to life" was the last thing you'd ever expect to come out of this

at first it felt a little strange because it had been so long, you'd thought he was dead for all those years, it was hard to just pick up where you left off even with your friendship let alone with any romantic feelings

but alas with time louis being around again slowly felt more natural

he doesn't talk to you very much about things that happened in moreau's lab, it's mostly just kept a secret between him and vanitas as they were both there, you, noe and domi are kind of just only filled in on the basics of "after my head was cut off i was taken to this lab to be saved and i stayed there"

although he does have occasional nightmares that he goes to you about for comfort, though much context of what happened isn't given

not that he doesn't trust you, he doesn't want to upset you, so aside from that he refuses to mention it and if asked will just brush it off and make some joke

of course there's also the obvious thing of him. not being able to speak now. on the offchance he was taught any kind of sign language by moreau and the teacher, he teaches you as well so you can understand him, but otherwise pen and paper works just fine

i feel like i need to add my big headcanon that he kinda just doesn't like vanitas 💀 "(name) why has your taste in friends gone down since i've been away, after seeing you with vanitas it was a miracle to find out you're still friends with domi and noe"

although i guess it's more like frenemies there's no like extremely malicious stuff it's just like "ew it's you" whenever they see each other

sorry this is turning into more "louis being around in the current plot" headcanons

he's very grateful for you being there and staying patient with him whilst he adjusts to Existing Normally(tm) before anything changes in your relationship

whilst he never spoke of his feelings for you when you were both younger, it's quite obvious that he missed you just as much as he did noe and domi

there's no exact spoken moment of "we should be together now", it just happens with a gradual increase of you both being more affectionate, louis being more accepting of your affection towards him, etc

he likes hugs❗️❗️give him lots of hugs. there's something extremely grounding about them and he feels safe in your arms

he'd probably get upset about something and after being comforted and calming down he'd smile and make some joke about how you're the lady, traditionally he should be protecting and comforting you, not the other way around

despite his joking he is still actually quite protective over you, especially considering you both being in a friend group that rather commonly gets involved with cursebearers and other dangerous situations

i've mentioned louis' frenemy type dislike for vanitas but at the end of the day he's very calmed by the fact that if you were to become a cursebearer, being friends with vanitas would give you an immediate cure, rather than you having to go through anything near the likes of what louis did

i also think that louis would have to keep his being alive a secret, domi is the only member of his family to know he's still alive

so being in a relationship with him feels a little easier, he's just louis, not "louis the discarded twin of dominique de sade who the majority of his family dislikes" because you don't have to deal with the opinions of people like veronica and antoine because- louis was executed as far as they're concerned

though the trade off here is that louis has to be more secretive in general, perhaps using different names or not being able to go to altus with you if invited

with you being domi's friend, it would probably also be that he'd have to be kept secret from your family too, not just his own, with class divides and the de sade's being a higher class family, it's pretty much given that to have been such good friends with domi as a child, your family would have to have already known the de sade's and be close with them

it's still a common theme with him that he prefers quieter time with you than a larger gathering with more people around, reminiscent of him preferring to sit and read with you rather than play alongside domi and noe

overall i think he'd be pretty gentle with you and as a partner despite his more sarcastic and, what i'd affectionately call "bastard" personality

[booksinmythorax]

Thorax Does the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge 2024 - #13: Read a comic that has been banned

Flamer by Mike Curato

If you're reading this, you probably know that book challenges and bans in the United States of America are at a historic high in the 2020s. Many targets of these challenges are graphic novels and comics. It's tough to tell exactly why, but the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund proposes this explanation (emphasis mine):

The visual nature of comics and graphic novels, which can improve comprehension of complex ideas, makes it even easier to target by taking images out of context or misconstruing them. We have seen cases of graphic adaptations such as The Handmaiden’s Tale [sic], Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery,” and The Diary of Anne Frank become challenged or removed when the prose versions are not.

Flamer was the #5 most challenged book in school and public libraries in the USA in 2023, according to the American Library Association. The ALA received 67 reports of Flamer getting challenged at libraries around the country in 2023.

Most of the challengers cited the book's LGBTQIA+ content and claims of "sexual explicitness" as reasons they were requesting the book be moved or removed from the collection. (Because, you know, acknowledging that queer people exist and that sometimes people have sex is evil. /sarcasm)

Flamer is a semi-autobiographical work of fiction about a half-Filipino boy named Aiden going away to summer camp before he starts high school. The camp is not a church camp, but it is religious and it does have a chapel, echoing many Boy Scout camp experiences I've heard about.

I highly recommend checking this book out from your local library. It's received starred reviews from publications like The Horn Book, Kirkus Reviews, School Library Journal, and Booklist, for good reason.

I love graphic novels, and the art in this one is stirring. It is entirely black-and-white except for red, orange, and yellow colors in moments of emotional intensity, tying back into both the title and the protagonist's fear of being burned (emotionally or religiously) for being attracted to other boys.

The plot deals with friendship, first crushes, and the arbitrary lines that people draw between acceptable "heterosexual" behavior and unacceptable "homosexual" behavior. Aiden is teased for his sensitivity and for behavior his peers and camp counselors perceive as too feminine. His best friend, a girl pen pal, is of course unable to come to his boys-only camp with him, so he forms friendships with other boys for the first time - and gets a crush on a fellow camper.

A moment in the novel that many challengers have taken out of context is when the protagonist accidentally discovers several of his fellow campers masturbating together in a tent. The campers pressure Aiden to join in, but he's uncomfortable, as well as confused. He runs away, mind swirling with questions. Why are his fellow campers so against gay people as a concept, but willing to do something like this? Why do they insinuate that he's gay if he doesn't participate in this ritual? In the context of the rest of the novel, this moment is disconcerting and adds complexity to the book's theme of cognitive dissonance.

We cannot let sexual identity and sexuality disappear from books for teenagers, even if it makes adults uncomfortable. This is a powerful read.

[scary-movies-on-netflix]

DANZA MACABRA (1964)

Also known as “Castle of Blood” (spooky!), this one starts with a young reporter, Alan Foster, finding the actual Edgar Allan Poe in a London tavern!  Alan wants to interview Edgar Allan, but instead a certain Lord Blackwood bets Alan that he can’t spend a single night in his spooky castle.  Everyone else who has accepted this wager has died!  Alan, being a rational and modern dude, accepts the wager, and the trio ride in a wagon out to the castle.  Alan is dropped off.  Blackwood and Edgar Allan promise to return the next morning.

Alan enters the castle and is spooked.  The large clock shows that it is 11:30 PM.  He sees a painting of an attractive woman, and it shimmers!  He tells himself that it is an optical illusion.  He sees two people dancing in the next room, but he investigates and they are gone!  He sits down to play the harpsichord, and a feminine hand touches him!  He turns around and sees Elisabeth, who explains that she is Blackwood’s sister.  She has long black hair and huge eyes.  Elisabeth says that she is effectively “dead” to her brother, who sends along one person a year “in order to give me company for one night and to nourish the legend that surrounds this castle.”  Elisabeth shows Alan to his room upstairs and they are talking, but another woman joins them!  Her name is Julia, and she rather rudely insinuates that Alan and Elisabeth have the hots for each other.  Elisabeth leaves, and then Julia leaves too.  The two women bicker in the corridor, and Elisabeth says that she loves Alan!  Julia says, “no, you will only be happy besides me.”  Elisabeth tells Julia that she hates her and runs off. 

Meanwhile, in his room, Alan starts to read a book by someone named Carmus.  Inside he finds a note from one “Herbert.”  Then Elisabeth is at his door, and he invites her inside.  She throws herself at him.  The camera tastefully pans away and we see the bedroom door close by itself.  However, Julia is listening outside the door!  She runs into another dude, who tells her to leave things be, but Julia says that she’s going to get Herbert.  Back in the room, Alan and Elisabeth are snuggling.  He puts his head on her chest, but she has no heartbeat!  Elisabeth tells him that she’s been dead for ten years.  Then a shirtless guy runs into the room and stabs her!  Alan chases the guy into the hallway and shoots him with a little pistol, but the shirtless guy disappears.  Alan returns to his room, and Elisabeth is gone!

Alan wanders through the house and encounters a distinguished looking man who introduces himself at Dr. Carmus.  They sit in Carmus’s office and the man explains his theory that “three forms of life exist together in every human being.”  There is the body, there is the spirit, and “there are the senses, which are not eternal, but which can survive long after death.”  He demonstrates by cutting off the head of a snake.  The separated head segment, even though it’s dying, still manages to react to Alan’s finger.  Carmus says, “The reptile is dead, but its defense instinct survives.”  Essentially, Carmus thinks that ghosts are that third form of life, the senses, which are lingering on after the body has died.  Alan, naturlich, doubts the doctor’s theory.  Carmus shows him Elisabeth’s grave outside the window. 

The doctor then takes Alan to the main hall, where he sees a vision of the past: a fancy party with Elisabeth and Julia and others.  Elisabeth is married to William, but she is having an affair with Herbert, the shirtless guy who stabbed her previously!  Julia knows!  Carmus next shows Alan his bedroom upstairs, where he sees Julia and William having sex!  But then a shirtless Herbert busts in and strangles William to death.  He begins to strangle Elisabeth, but then Julia sneaks in and bonks him on the head, killing him.  Julia confesses her love for Elisabeth, but Elisabeth is disgusted and stabs Julia to death.  Elisabeth screams and runs away. 

The bedroom is empty again.  Alan wanders through the house and next sees how Carmus died.  The doctor is in his office below when he hears a spooky sound.  He follows it all the way to the crypt, where he hears labored breathing inside one of the coffins!  Carmus pushes open a coffin to see a decomposed body, which starts to move and breathe!  The body turns into mist and Carmus runs to his office.  Then, the shirtless Herbert appears and stabs him to death.  Herbert begins to chew on his neck.  Alan is back in the present and looks at a note on the desk, which states, “Blood is the source of life: only blood revives the dead!  We will drink your blood!!” 

Alan wanders through the house some more and sees the most recent deaths.  A young couple, the Perkins, show up at the castle, having accepted Blackwood’s wager the previous year to spend a night in the house.  They are in the bedroom, about to get it on, when Mrs. Perkins hears a noise and sends Mr. Perkins to investigate.  While he’s gone, the shirtless Herbert appears!  Mrs. Perkins screams, and Mr. Perkins finds her dead in the bedroom, with Herbert munching on her!  Herbert strangles the man.  The ghosts of the Perkins then materialize and say to Alan, “Now it’s your turn.”  The various ghosts appear and begin to chase Alan, but Elisabeth is behind him and says, “Run away, Alan.  They want your blood!”  Her ghost leads him down to the crypt.  He checks his watch and sees that it’s five in the morning, so he only has to survive another hour until the dawn, but then a mist pours in through the doorway and the ghosts are there!  “Your fate is sealed,” the ghost of Julia says.  “Your blood will be our life,” the ghost of Carmus says.  Alan backs up against a wall, which turns out to be a secret door!

The ghost of Elisabeth is there, again.  She tells Alan that she “loves” him.  “I’ve never loved anyone as much as you.”  She tells him to run through the park to the other side of the gate, where he’ll be safe.  Alan insists that Elisabeth is “alive,” and, against her wishes, pulls her behind him.  She falls onto the grass over her grave and quickly decomposes into a skeleton, which disappears.  Alan runs through a vision of hanging people (because one of Blackwood’s ancestors was an executioner), and he reaches the front gate.  He is safe.  Except he’s not!  Because the gate swings shut on him and a spike impales him in the neck.

Edgar Allan Poe and Blackwood arrive with the daylight and find the dead Alan, still leaning against the gate.  Blackwood takes Alan’s wallet and collects his wager (ten pounds).  They ride off, but not before Edgar Allan Poe looks at the body and says, “When I write this story, no one will believe it, as always.”  Fin, except we hear the voice of Elisabeth, asking, “Did you stay for me, Alan?”  He answers, “Yes, Elisabeth.”

I have some notes:

I wasn’t expecting much from this film, but I was pleasantly surprised!  It’s good, an intriguing tale of gothic horror.  There are a few decent spooks, without too much extraneous melodrama.

I appreciate how the movie didn’t prevaricate with revealing that all the house’s inhabitants were ghosts.  Elisabeth actually tells Alan from the start that she’s “dead,” and the movie doesn’t offer any fake-outs or red herrings to try to convince the audience otherwise.  Elisabeth and Julia’s early argument only makes sense if you know that they’re dead.  They’re basically ghosts continuing the arguments that started before the died. 

“Elisabeth,” Barbara Steele, is a mesmerizing presence.  The movie didn’t actually show how she originally died; I assume she committed suicide in despair, offscreen.  I was thrown off at first by how quickly she fell in “love” with Alan, but, according to the movie’s logic, ghosts are just a bunch of residual “senses,” so perhaps it makes sense that the Elisabeth ghost would suffer from wild unregulated emotions.  Julia likewise appears to be obsessed with Elisabeth, as that was her focus when she died.  Herbert committed a murder before his death, so the other ghosts rely on him, to kill so they can have some blood.  It’s sort of logical.

[leafcabbage]

heres a deleted scene to tide you all over

Tommy had meant to go to get lunch alone and bring it home as a lovely surprise since he was such a lovely person. Unfortunately, he managed to run into Tubbo coming home as he opened the door, who had to question where he was going. He’d thought he had plenty of time before Tubbo came home from therapy to do his sneaking around, but alas, his inability to keep track of time foiled his plans once more. 

Tubbo coming home had woken Ranboo up from napping on the couch, which prompted them to want to join Tommy, which meant of course Tubbo wanted to go, too, so it was a whole group outing now. There was a brief discussion of driving versus walking, in which Ranboo insisted that walking was fine with them and they wanted to go outside, and Tubbo gently pushed for them to accept that driving would probably be easier on them. A compromise was reached where Tubbo would drive them and they would sit outside and maybe do a little walking around a nearby park. Tommy was just happy to not have to walk a mile both ways, or take the bus. 

They got their food and found a picnic table in the park to set up at. It felt strangely idealistic, like one of those days that only existed in books and movies, but it was very much real life. Tommy was pretty sure ideal days didn’t usually include getting french fries thrown at anyone, but Ranboo had decided to attack him when he started trying to be the best cheerleader he could be every time they took a bite of anything. They had good aim, too, despite their self proclaimed awful depth perception.

Tommy had been planning to start trying to catch them in his mouth when Ranboo stopped, much to his disappointment. 

“Why’d you stop?” 

“I’d like to eat some of my food,” they replied.

“Yay! Good job, eat your—”

Another fry hit his forehead. 

He gave Ranboo a miserable look. They didn’t seem particularly moved by his pain. 

“You’re being counterproductive,” Tubbo told him, also uncaring about his pain. 

“I’m just trying to be a good friend.” Tommy sighed heavily, resting his chin on his hand. “Weren’t we gonna go on a walk?”

“Yeah, but some of us eat at normal speeds.” Tubbo looked pointedly at the empty wrappers in front of Tommy. 

He didn’t think he’d eaten <i>that</i> fast, but apparently some people disagreed. 

“It’s better fresh.”

“I think it stays fresh for more than ten minutes, you know.”

Again, Tommy was pretty sure it took him more than ten minutes to eat food, but he would very kindly not argue with Tubbo, and it wasn’t because his bad perception of time might mean that he would be wrong.

[haresvoid]

( @devilssight ; Blurg @ Ome ) finally kissing the friend you've been yearning for.

❛[ KISS ME PROMPTS ≻ accepting! NOTES: finally kissing the friend you've been yearning for.

'IT HAD NOT ANTICIPATED MISSING THE UNDERDARK, LONGING FOR IT. Certainly it was more comfortable for the Mind Flayer // THAN THE SUN THAT RENDERED THEM NEAR BLIND, OR THE CROWDS COMPRESSING (DESPITE THE FASCINATING SPECIMENS IT COULD ONLY GATHER ABOVE, IT STILL HAD PREFERENCES). But this was different-- - this was a feeling like weight being lifted, pressure subsiding. It had been a couple of months since it and its research partner returned to normal realm of study // FEW MORE MONTHS SINCE CULTS DISPERSE AND ILLITHID INVOLVEMENT ENDED (A SITUATION WHICH HAD LANDED IT IN DEEP WATERS, QUITE LITERALLY).

'TODAY A REMINDER CAME IN THE FORM OF AN ITEM IN COLLECTION. A small jar, full of fluid and a tadpole slowly swimming within it // ONE OF THE SO CALLED 'ABSOLUTES'. Omeluum had been trying to study it despite the threat being gone, curiosities still existed regarding its unique and unnatural existence (SOME ANSWERS ALREADY RECIEVED WHILE OTHERS STILL ABSENT). “&– - I do regret being unable to gather more than one sample-- - it makes it difficult to decide between natural studies as I have been or finally going about a dissection. Alas, perhaps I should not complain.... as I am here to study it still now.” While usually one that spoke only when spoken to, Blurg was a RARE EXCEPTION for the Illithid-- - he was one it enjoyed spawning conversations with, to hear thoughts and voice. “&– - It's a decision I still find surprising-- - conditions and theorizing seemed most accurate that I would not be a worthwhile investment to free with all the danger and constraints present. A rare occasion I am... glad a theory of mine was proven wrong.”

'IT SPOKE ABOUT IT AS IF ANY OTHER DISSERTATION IT OFFERED UP. However, it sensed wisps of distress from its companion soon after its words // SUBTLE HUM LEFT MINDVOICE. “&– - That upset you.... my absence would have put a temporary hinder on the projects we have created, but I'm certain most you could proceed with within short time.” Always a logical creature // TILTING HEAD EVER IN SLIGHT WHEN THE EXACT OF WORDS WERE DISAGREED WITH (HAD IT SUSPECTED INCORRECTLY ABOUT THE SOURCE OF THE ISSUE?). Silence hung in air and the link crafted between minds, time given to observation instead // NOTING THE TINY MOTIONS, A PREFIX TO A TURN. Motions were quick, but eyes were keen-- - but not built of caution, NEVER OF CAUTION (IT TRUSTED THE HOBGOBLIN COMPLETELY). Of curiosity, of interest.

'AND THEN OF SURPRISE. Between the fleshy membrane where face split to forward tentacles were lips placed // LONGING AND YEARNING, BUT SPECKLED WITH HESITANCE TOO (THE MIND FLAYER EVER IN TUNE, EVEN WHEN ITS OWN BRAIN FILLED AND BUZZED WITH THOUGHTS). Omeluum decided to act when it found embers of doubt beginning to bud-- - a tentacle shifts, smooth slither behind until tip curls in placement against the back of Blurgs head // SOFT, LITTLE PRESSURE GIVEN (BUT A DISPLAY THAT THE ACTION WAS FAR FROM DISLIKED). “&– - I had not realized the extent of your feelings towards me.... I apologize.....” Truthfully, it had some suspicions // THINGS IT HAD SENSED, ACTIONS PERFORMED (BUT IT WASN'T EXPERIENCED ENOUGH TO DECIPHER FRIENDLINESS FROM WHAT IT KNEW ONLY FROM BOOKS AND OTHERS IT HAD DECIDED). Thus it had never dug, never pressed or asked-- - even when it found itself... interested, desiring perhaps, to experience what it had only known through research of reading and observation beyond the two of them. Now? It felt ever so emboldened, projecting the thin veil of ideas and discoveries paired with hints of feelings // IT WAS A DISPLAY TO REPLACE INABILITY TO RECIPROCATE KISS PROPER (BUT IT DID NOT DROWN ITS PARTNER IN ALL THAT IT COULD TRULY GIVE IN FULL MIND // JUST A TASTE, JUST A SMALL TASTE). A free tendril moved to ever so gently wrap against red palm. “&– - I would... enjoy expanding and exploring this, if I am correct upon the path this may lead; and if you would enjoy such a prospect as well. However, I am aware I may not be the best option in such matters-- - I wish for your comfort and safety above any potential lingering wants on my end.” // @devilssight

[jazzy-a]

I'd like to get to know you!

Hey @windsweptinred! Thanks for the invite!

1: Three ships I like right now...

Hmm, let's assume this means "ship-ships" and not family or friendships, right? Because, WOOF, would we be here for awhile.

Kaz Brekker/Jesper Fahey from Shadow and Bone. It breaks my heart, it ain't ever ever gonna happen, the book apparently spits on me and rips my heart out of my chest, and it's now difficult to find the kind of fanfiction I want for it... Oh sweet suffering. (I will also always accept Kaz/Inej/Jesper in this equation).

Tsukitachi/Hirato from Karneval. Look, it's NOT going away for me, guys. Yes, I know the fandom is dead, there is 0 content for it, and no one knows/cares what I'm talking about with them. Which is SO sad honestly because I know that if it were just more popular, people would be having a blast with the characters, plots, pairings etc. Sigh... Alas, though, Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are DEAD AF... Still, I love my BFF Captains, even if no one knows they exist but me lol.

Lastly, probably Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson? They have... pretty great fics, guys. As in some true 'chef's kiss' grade smut lol.

2: First Ever Ship... Puppyshipping (Seto Kaiba/Joey Wheeler) from Yu-gi-oh 100%. Closely followed by Dragonshipping... who.. um, guys, is practically canon if you rewatch it, which I think is hilarious. Like, WATCH THE DARK SIDE OF DIMENSIONS MOVIE. OMG. Joey gets saved by this man and is legit trying not to sob to Yugi over the fact he was in love with his alter ego bahhahahahah. Anyway though, just something about puppyshipping.... the low hanging fruit of it, I never stood a chance. Like OMG, it was my GATEWAY DRUG! Do I see how unrealistic and problematic it is as a grow woman? You bet I do... do I look back on it fondly? It is my first love <3

3: Last song.... Hm. About Love by MARINA. So pretty and nice to hear her newer stuff. And, NO, I didn't find it from the movie everyone keeps talking about. I never saw it, I found this the old fashion way... hearing it on the radio at my place of employment lol.

4: Last Movie.... Lephrechaun 4: IN SPACE! HAHAKJBKJBASJKBD I am watching ALL of them for the first time, and they are so so beautiful. Like...SO BAD. SO GOOD!!!!!

5: Currently reading... Um, like, ALL the family feels fanfiction of the TMNT 2012 brothers I can get my hands on. Can't stress enough that I am NOT shipping this. FA-MI-LY fics, okay?? Family is my weakness! Why do you think I love talking about Dream's messed up family and making my own crack content??

6: Currently watching... Actually, I'm finally going back and watching ALL of Steven Universe because I never did when it aired. I remember it getting really heavy and, at the time, I just didn't have the emotional bandwidth for it. Now, however, I am literally chugging its traumatic plot lines like I'm rushing at a frat house. Sobbing the entire time alone in my room. Loving EVERY second of it hahah!

7: Currently eating... Nothing :c

8: Currently Craving... Not gonna lie. I'd murder for a muffin rn. Oh, and more fanfiction of like... everything I have on my docket. Like...please? I need it like oxygen? On a desert island, I would request food, water, and more fanfiction.

And now for the embarrassing moment where I display how little I actually have on this app. Tagging some people that have been on my wall lately :) (no pressure!): @purplexiasphinx, @crxssingtherubic0n, @turrondeluxe, @synnesai

[queerfox-tales]

(Lost) Grasp on Reality Moment

So yesterday, I finished a book that had me a little out of it afterwards. I struggled to tell what was real and what wasn't. Nothing super special about the book. This happens to me when I finish a story I got super into. It happened a few times with movies but usually, it's a book.

Anyway, so my being confused on what's real vs fiction reminded me of questioning recent thoughts and things happening to me this past year since working on connecting to nature and my inner energy. And my society would definitely deem me to have lost touch with reality. But then I started thinking about the society and the world most of us live in. It made me laugh that that's supposed to be "having a good grasp of reality".

We majorally live in world run by power and greed. And not just by those on top. Everyone (mostly anyway) is scrambling to get their own power over people and collect as much as possible of whatever society tells them has "true proper value". Mostly, what people really want is to be happy/content, respected/loved. Yet every day, every single day, people choose power and greed. They literally choose misery and don't even know it. Power and greed can't co-exist in the same space as being truly happy and receiving basic respect/love from all those around you. And this is "having a good grasp of reality" according to many societies. Thinking that it makes sense to live by power and greed. To choose misery every day instead of making the slightest change to bring you closer to being happy. To living a better life. Truly better and for all. Because the way we live affects us all. We're all connected whether we like it or not. Especially within a society.

If you think of it, it's ridiculous. It's not logical. It's not practical. It's definitely not a survival thing cuz we're killing ourselves with this lifestyle and mentality. It goes against everything natural yet it's supposed to be not just the current reality but the one and only reality. "The real world". As if we didn't create this. As if we can't undo it if we bothered to accept, truly accept, that even the small steps count. Cuz they do. The small steps count for so much. And we could slowly work society to a point where we remove power and greed. Where we can be happy, respected/loved and for many places, also have enough resources (cuz I acknowledge that some regions don't have enough and can't afford it. But some very much do and choose, well, the power and greed lifestyle).

Alas, people only change in superficial ways. They stop blaming one group only to take power from another and call it progress. People want to be heard and respected but refuse to listen and respect. They're confused when they don't get what they want when they follow a system that is literally meant to hold them down. How is this reality? If anything should count as delusions and absurd ideas, it's the way most people live. It's the world people have created. If anything should be losing grasp on reality, it should be thinking that the world we live in can even exist. Cuz why would people choose misery if they want to be happy? For how many thousands of years can people actually believe that if they focus on power and greed, all their dreams will come true even when what they truly want literally conflicts with their lifestyle? A lot apparently. A lot of thousands of years. cuz look at us. We're still going with it. Still living the same as the acknowledged ancient civilisations. Long live power and greed cuz misery loves company.

[freelanceexorcist]

FFVIIR Musings and the Multiroth of Madness

There are so many theories going around about FFVIIR and Sephiroth that its hard to keep up with them all. Some are great theories, some strain plausibility a bit but are still pretty good, while others are straight up ridink to the hinkulous. Others, good or bad, were Jossed. I’ll try to list as many as I can and, of course, give my opinion. The rest of this is under a cut because it’s very spoilery and very, very, very, very LOOOONNNNNGGG. And pedantic. And probably boring to anyone but me.

I’m going to assume anyone reading this knows about Japanese first-person pronoun usage, but if you don’t, check out this link (warning: TV Tropes), specifically the Ore and Watashi sections.

When His Voice is Like Ice but He Seems Sorta Nice,  That’s an Ore…

There are at least two versions of Sephiroth running around the Remake-verse.

This is established fact, because the devs said as much in the Remake Ultimania (full disclosure: I know very, very little to no Japanese and have been relying on the largesse of those who do and are providing accurate, good faith translations). In fact, there are four: one who is an illusion (hallucination?) on Cloud’s part. The second is him (or Jenova taking on his appearance) hijacking a black cloaked man to use as a meat suit. The third is a flashback of the Nibelheim incident. The fourth is Ore Sephiroth, who is identified as ??? in the book. The last one stands apart from the rest not just because of the pronoun, but because he is the only version that anyone other than Cloud can also see and he is described as a version that has never been seen in the Compilation before. At this time it is not clear if just one person (or alien eldritch abomination) is responsible for the other three.

Ore Sephiroth is the Crisis Core version, who never had a psychotic episode and therefore sidestepped the Nibelheim incident.

This is a good one, in fact it’s one of my favorites because I love me some CC Sephiroth. Alas, it was Jossed by the Rebirth trailer. He uses Ore when he says “you know I killed Tifa,” which shows that Ore is guilty of the events in Nibelheim and knows it or is at least accepting responsibility for it.

There’s also the problem that crops up if Ore Sephiroth is from the same timeline that Remake takes place in, because that causes a whopper of a temporal paradox. If Sephiroth doesn’t lose his mind and burn down Nibelheim, the characters would not have the experiences that shaped them into the people they are when the story begins or go on to form relationships with each other. But they are these people anyway, with the same experiences and issues that resulted from the Nibelheim incident and its aftermath, hence the paradox.

Ore Sephiroth is from a time post-Advent Children.

This was a good one at first but upon further inspection it doesn’t really hold up, at least for me. Since Remake is referencing portions of the Compilation, we need to take Case of the Lifestream: Black into account. In this story, following his defeat in the original game, Sephiroth released all of his memories to the Lifestream. He had to send the remnants out to scan peoples’ memories just to get an idea of what he looked like, let alone what his motivations ever were. He was essentially a blank canvas with only his rage, despair and white-hot hatred of Cloud forming his core and keeping him anchored to reality.

About those memories. Trauma and grief can really mess with the memory to various degrees. Grief can cause memory loss, and the intensity of the grief can determine how long that lasts, so there would be things some people just don’t remember. The trauma could cause existing memories to be blown out of proportion and exaggerated. Fears can become bigger, too. Sephiroth was the source of this trauma and grief, so it also follows that he went from “big, scary guy who wants to reboot the world and doesn’t think humans should get to live rent-free in the new digs” to “terrifying boogeyman who wants to wipe the planet of every living thing on it.” It’s possibly why he went from being a perfectly good-looking man in the rest of the Compilation to a ghostly pale, unnatural wraith in AC (but still hot. Who said that?!). Throw in Jenova’s species’ MO of eating a planet bare and using the barren husk to move on to do the same to the next one, and you’ve got his AC motivation.

It doesn’t even seem like it’s really Sephiroth anymore in AC so much as a rage-fueled golem made of Jenova cells, spite and the traumatized memories of a bunch of unreliable narrators. This doesn’t seem at all like Ore Sephiroth (although it is admittedly too early to know much about that).

Also, considering AC Sephiroth Flanderized himself into being the personification of “fuck this guy in particular” when it comes to Cloud, it doesn’t fit that Ore Sephiroth is so goshdarn NICE to him.  

Ore Sephiroth is the memories OG Sephiroth released to the Lifestream after his defeat given flesh.

I really like this one that I’ve seen here and there. It makes sense, too, when you take Case of the Lifestream: Black into account. Jenova is corrosive to the Lifestream, as we see with Geostigma. Angeal, Zack and Lucrecia can’t really cease to exist as individuals or even plain old die because the Lifestream would poison itself by letting them in. It makes sense that Sephiroth’s spirit energy would be kept intact and tucked away somewhere safe like an encapsulated tumor that can’t grow any bigger. In this case, the Lifestream found a use for him or he just straight up escaped.

Ore Sephiroth is a separate person but just as evil as Watashi Sephiroth.

But why though? What would be the point of having two identical characters both pursuing the same goal? “Like the original game, but BIGGER?” So they would cancel each other out? Wouldn’t it make more sense to just ditch Ore and keep Watashi if that were the case? Having Ore and Watashi as murder twinsies would result in Ore Sephiroth not serving any real function in the story, which is pretty sloppy writing. This seems like a bit of a stretch on the part of people who simply will not accept a version of Sephiroth that isn’t the mustache-twirlingly evil classic villain.

It doesn’t matter what pronoun he uses, because he used Ore after losing his shpadoinkles in the library and Watashi before luring the party into the singularity.

This seems like another stretch for the same reason. It does matter.

Yes, Sephiroth used Ore even after emerging from the library and putting Nibelheim to the torch. But the creators didn’t say that’s when he stopped using it, they said he switched when he met Jenova. This meeting took place after the village burned. Yeah, that seems like a distinction without a difference, but during this meeting, he was completely broken mentally and his physical proximity to her was the closest it had ever been. He was still himself to a degree before that, but what if his shattered psyche combined with the proximity really let her dig in? In the reactor the first time, he still had it together enough to shake himself out of it when he started glitching.

Also, there are signs that it’s not Sephiroth controlling the Whispers, but vice versa, at least to enough of a degree that they can keep him from really rearranging events in ways they can’t correct. He doesn’t start using Ore until the Edge of Creation, when the Whispers were completely eradicated (at least so far). This really great analysis explains this far better and more thoroughly than I could, so give it a look.

Watashi Sephiroth is the real deal and Ore Sephiroth is actually Jenova manipulating Cloud

I hope this isn’t the case, but man it’s plausible. In The Kids Are Alright, it’s noted that Jenova not only had the ability to mimic people the Cetra knew, she also would get into their heads, making them think that their fellow Cetra were plotting against them, effectively making them turn on each other and doing her job for her. What if Ore Sephiroth is actually Jenova trying to drive a wedge between Cloud and the rest of the party and getting him to turn on them by presenting herself as a version of Sephiroth that Cloud used to know and who died?

This one kind of breaks down upon further inspection too, though. If this is Jenova, she’s choosing a pretty cumbersome way of executing this strategy. Wouldn’t she be better served to impersonate someone Cloud already trusted and cared for, like Tifa (dun dun DUNNNNN – see below), or Zack or his mother? Why go through all the work of impersonating someone Cloud hates and then trying to get him to bury the hatchet and trust her that way? Not only would that be doing the fans of CC-era Sephiroth pretty damn dirty by making us get our hopes up only to get clowned, but it would also be unnecessarily complicated writing.  

Ore Sephiroth is from a different timeline.

Honestly, this is the one that is most likely, IMO. We know that alternate timelines are in play. We also know that Ore Sephiroth had at least some degree of autonomy if he was being controlled by the Whispers, or the final boss battle wouldn’t have happened because it didn’t happen that way in the OG.

That raises some questions, too. When was this timeline created? Does Remake take place in a timeline that is separate from the original game’s prime one? If so, do the Whispers exist only in Remake’s timeline to keep things from getting even more out of hand by different choices spawning new timelines? And does Aerith’s declaration of “everything about you is WRONG” mean that this version of Sephiroth isn’t supposed to exist here as long as the Whispers are around to keep things contained, meaning that his presence signifies that the Whispers dropped the timey wimey ball BIG TIME?

I guess we’ll find out in future installments, but one thing I want to say is that for as much as I would like it to be so, I don’t think Ore Sephiroth is one of the heroes here even if he does end up serving as a protagonist. I don’t think he’s an antagonist or villain either, but after all the shit he has done and has been done to him, he’s been through too much to come out the other end of it the same person he was in Crisis Core.

He may sincerely want to do the right thing this time around, but he’ll be morally grey, doing the right thing for probably selfish reasons and won’t care much about the personal moral code of anyone he has to align himself with to make it happen. Any altruism or defense of others would be because it gets him one step closer to his goal – true freedom. Boundless, terrifying freedom from Hojo, Shinra, Jenova, the Whispers or anyone else who would ever try to use him as a tool for their own purposes.

He might be truly selfless at some point, but probably not before a whole lot of convincing and not before he decides the risks to his own hide are worth it. There’s a reason I like to compare this vision of him to Negan from The Walking Dead, Joseph Lawrence from The Handmaid’s Tale and the man himself as he was characterized in Dissidia.   

Anyway. Moving on.

You Done Messed Up, A-A-Ron! Or Did You?

This will be a short section (“Oh, thank GOD!!” – everybody) because it’s just a bit from the Rebirth trailer and some other parts as well. I should stress it’s probably good practice to not come to any solid conclusions based on a few lines of out-of-context dialogue in what may or may not be a classic trailer misdirection. That last bit might be more likely than we think, since Purple Maybe Jenova Maybe Sephiroth Maybe Both appears to be speaking while the words are being said and how many people can really read lips, let alone read the lips of someone speaking Japanese? Speculate away, though! I sure plan to.

This is about the snippet of dialogue laid over Purple Jenovaroth being all menacing. Ore Sephiroth talks about how Jenova is said to be a monster who can imitate those her targets hate, fear or love. Then he insinuates that because he killed Tifa all those years ago, the current version must be some kind of Jenova-fueled imposter.

Many people quickly concluded that Sephiroth is just messing with Cloud’s head, but I don’t feel like that’s the case. I think it’s very possible that he simply doesn’t know she survived. After he slashed her, he walked away and never saw her again. A short time later, he was dead. What if Ore Sephiroth isn’t being calculating? What if he’s fallen for Jenova’s trick described above and is genuinely paranoid over the idea that she’s imitating people who Cloud trusts and who can influence him?

Sephiroth is powerful, but he’s not omniscient, nor was he in the original game either. So he may be thinking “yeah, no one escapes death at the end of my blade,” because Tifa is one of only a few who have, but she managed to beat the odds and survive. If he’s from a different timeline where he did succeed in killing her he would be correct in his assumption, but it’s not the case in this timeline.

Time will tell, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this doesn’t grow into a big plot point so much as serve to show the audience that, like Cloud, Ore Sephiroth is fallible. Like Cloud, he has gaps in his own memory and is just as much of an unreliable narrator. Like Cloud, he’s mentally unstable, making him susceptible to gaslighting that leads to paranoia. Like Cloud, he has lost people close to him who maybe can appear to him courtesy of Jenovillusions.

Odds and Ends

Sephiroth is just lying about all the things!

Funny thing is, Sephiroth only lied once in the Compilation when he impersonated Tifa in order to trick Barret into giving up the Black Materia, unless I’m forgetting something. He’s actually rather transparent and tells what he thinks is the truth.

And he didn’t mind rape Cloud with lies. Cloud was already good and mind raped by everything he’d gone through up until then. Sephiroth ripped the scales from Cloud’s eyes and told him a truth that he wasn’t ready to face yet, and that’s what pushed him over the edge but eventually led to him becoming stronger then ever before. Mind you, Sephiroth didn’t do any of this to be altruistic and was probably trying to soften Cloud up enough to make him easier to commandeer, but he did still tell him the truth. It was just the truth as he understood it.

See, he was in Potemkin Nibelheim at the same time as the party and was encountered in the basement library. He would have had plenty of time to read the notes on the Sephiroth Clone project and based his thinking on that. Because reading Hojo’s boogered-up notes and coming to his own conclusion worked out so well for him the last time he did it. /s

Sephiroth wanted the Whispers gone so he could change his own fate and win!

How boring, if true. That would just be a retread of the plot of the original game but with a twist everyone guessed a mile out, and if that’s all some people want, they’re free to play that and save their money.

At this point, we don’t really know what anyone’s motives really are. We know that Ore Sephiroth wants to save the planet and defy destiny, but that’s about it. We know that Watashi Sephiroth wants to troll the shit out of Cloud and turn into gigantic 80s metal band mascots to fight the party, but that’s about it for him as well. The Kalm flashback may clarify a few things, but it may also muddy the waters even more in order to spring a big twist on us later.

Sephiroth was controlling the Whispers!

What would he gain from that? The Whispers are there to make sure events chug along just as they did in the original game and presumably the Compilation. We know he’s a bit of a glutton for punishment, but why would he want a fate where he is defeated and killed over and over again? If anything, they were controlling him, at least to a degree, and what they were controlling is a version of him we’ve never seen before.

The eradication of the Whispers seems to have set Ore Sephiroth free. He talks of destiny, but in the Edge of Creation scene he wants to defy it and needs Cloud’s help to do so. His personality in this scene is subtly different, because he’s nicer. He merely disarms Cloud to end their duel when if this is the same Sephiroth from the original game, that would have been the perfect opportunity to take him out.

So yeah, that implies that Ore Sephiroth was being twisted into his OG/Compilation self in Remake’s timeline. So…what if Ore Sephiroth is from a different timeline and somehow made his way to Remake’s, prompting the planet to create the Whispers to contain him (and anyone else whose choices could potentially be effected by his anomalous presence)?

But the creators said there wouldn’t be any major changes!

Obviously the team changed their minds, because there have been some whoppers so far. They also said there would no new characters, but we’ve got loads of them in sizeable roles, unless they were referring to playable characters. It’s their sandbox, and if they decide that This Thing works better than That Other Thing, then it’s This Thing that will make it into the finished work, even if they stated in some pre-production interview that they were pretty married to That Other Thing at the time.

And the thing about remakes is that they are never exactly the same as the original or previous adaptations and the only things that remain intact-at least in a well-made remake-are the major plot points that move the story along from start to finish.

The movie A Star is Born is a good example of this. There are four versions of it than have been released, and they’re all different to varying degrees except for the major beats: he’s always a famous star when the story starts. He’s always an addict. She’s always a small-time performer at first and he’s plowed when they meet. He always takes her under his wing. They always fall in love. Her career always goes through the roof while his fizzles out. He always gets clean for a while but falls off the wagon. He always dies in the end. She always picks up the pieces and moves on. The same basic story is still told, but the space between point A and point B is a little different each time. What doesn’t change is anything that would significantly alter the basic plot. And these changes were pretty well received, considering all four movies got plenty of attention from the Academy.

So far, hardly any of the major beats of the story have changed yet. The only major difference is Sephiroth showing up for the final boss battle WAY too early, which gives us our first hint that the Whispers are losing control of fate. Now that they’re gone, there’s going to be a whooooole lot more that’s different, because getting rid of them enabled the creation of alternate timelines. About the only thing that is guaranteed is fans who will complain bitterly about the changes and flounce dramatically out of the fandom only to come right back a week later to complain some more. I know this because it happens in every fandom. Yes, all of them.

Watashi Sephiroth will not kill Aerith!

That big boom you just heard was the heads of every OG purist reading this exploding at once but hear me out.

I didn’t say she wasn’t going to die, I said it wouldn’t be him that kills her, and I base this on the assumption that he and Aerith are aware of previous iterations of the cycle and know what will happen next. If that is the case, he would know how badly he played himself by allowing her to enter the Lifestream where she becomes a Force ghost, completes Holy, thwarts his plan and goes on to eradicate Jenova entirely a few years later. He’d know that it was in his best interests to keep her out of the Lifestream and find another way to stop her from using the White Materia. He could even try to persuade her to join him since knowing how powerful she was is why he killed her the first time around.

That’s about all I’ve got for now (“We reiterate: oh, thank GOD!” – everybody). If you’ve managed to read this whole thing, you have the patience of saints. If you disagree with me, that’s fine, just don’t be a dick about it.

Thank you.

[vvatchword]

Let me tell you a dream of mine: to buy old books and digitize them. Old, out-of-print, rare books. Not necessarily popular or desirable ones, either. A lot of my collection is extremely niche and I doubt they exist online (although I'm going to check).

I was first inspired by the difficult matter of preserving all my old journals. I've been keeping a journal since I was 11, and some of them were kept on shitty old notebook paper that is now falling apart. But then I was inspired by the realization that piracy is a method of data preservation. Corporations have no love or care for records and cannot be trusted. The more redundantly data is stored, the more likely it will survive into the future, and the more likely that the truth of matters great and small can be known.

So: you should know I have a love of history. My job directly involves the preservation of data for a general overview of a very specific topic. And one thing you must always understand about any historic document ever is that people are flawed. They lie. They stretch the truth. They speak to their own ignorance. They are blind to their own biases. They're prejudiced, or they care too much about their own causes, or they have axes to grind. They get involved in long games of Telephone where data can be altered--sometimes dramatically!--and then those mistakes are repeated over and over and over until they become an accepted truth. It is not at all uncommon for works of fiction, like films and books, to become wrapped up in fact!

And it is in no small part that readers also dictate what kinds of information is preserved; history is not only written by the victors, but demanded to fit narratives and instruct morals. Senselessness is feared; the alien, despised. That which is recorded is usually what is considered entertaining or beautiful and god knows what standards those may be. Alas--to understand the truth, we must have as many disparate viewpoints as possible! A situation must be examined from every angle to be best understood.

A great example of this is the infamous "Ain't I a Woman?" speech by Sojourner Truth. Truth's first language was Dutch and she spoke with a Dutch accent, but her speech was flanderized by a writer who wanted her to sound like a stereotypical Southern Black woman. And yet what has survived? What is desirable? People say they want truth when what they really want is entertainment, engaging characters and plots, and peace of mind.

I was also inspired by my research into Native American history. Every piece about any Native society that is written by a European must be viewed with intense scrutiny. It is not uncommon for Native words to be rewritten, omitted, or handwaved. This is not to say that Native voices could not also lie--they, too, are people--but they also intimately knew their own business and were frequently misunderstood and misinterpreted through a combination of racism, entertainment, European and Christian bias, and drastic differences in language, culture, and ideology.

Yet another roadblock has to do with how that data is stored, who is storing it, and how it can be accessed. As y'all know, Napciyunka has been helping me with research into primary documents and the more trustworthy historical texts, as well as a more accurate view into Lakota culture as it actually exists and existed. Now--guess what happens to all that material! It is truly criminal how documentation and artifacts have been robbed with impunity from Native cultures, and part of the problem is that such material might not be immediately available or digitized.

While I may not have access to prime materials in South Dakota, I have access to at least two different large universities and their document collections here, and they often keep oddball material. Who knows what's in there? I haven't searched them yet because I should be working (lol), but in a couple of weeks I'm about to find out how many of their works are digitized. If they are not...

I have a goal.

So there is a company I've kept my eye on since I first saw them on Kickstarter. They're called CZUR (an unfortunate name, really) and they put out document scanners prepared just for bound documents. One of these models is portable. (Granted, anything is portable if you're determined enough.) I deeply desire their ET24Pro, which scans at 24 megapixels: https://shop.czur.com/collections/professional-series/products/etscanner?variant=40313243762736

Could I just... offer my services to these universities? Partially for my own desires, and partially to make these documents available to all?

My parents sometimes offer me cash or a single expensive gift for holidays. What if I just... you know. Got one of these? They're not too far out of my price range. If I just saved $50 per paycheck I could get there pretty fast. Maybe I could donate to Napciyunka while I'm at it (that poor college student life amirite). Depends on what can be done and what is needed.

In any case, it feels great to have forward motivation, and i feel like I've found a special and unexpected passion. Before I got this job, I often felt unmoored and unfocused. I thought a writer was all I was. But working at this job and crafting historical fanfiction (lol) has given me a brand new driving force that deeply moves me.

When I was a child, I would feel such deep rage about the Library of Alexandria. Now I look at myself and think: good god, why can't I add to the swelling library of human knowledge myself?

[shallicomparetheetolagrenouille]

2023 in books: n. 11

I happened to start this collection of short stories while reading a mediocre novel at the same time (the one I’ll post about after this) and, boy, was the quality of the writing undeniable - there was a stark difference and it was so needed after the recent disappointments (Tornare a casa and La vita segreta degli introversi).

The first story is about Caterina, a four-year-old that survives the rest of her family after a plague epidemic in the 17th century in a small village in Tuscany; since her family home is quite far from the village and she cannot find a living soul in the woods, she comes to the conclusion that she is the only person left alive in the world. She then manages to survive via accessing the remains of the orchard of her home and tending to the smaller animals, such as hens and goats. She grows up in solitude until she is about sixteen years old, when she is seen by a few village people - except, since she has kept to herself so long and the village has a had a series of misfortunes (bad weather, babies dying, even impotency of a random guy), she gets identified as a witch and blamed for it all. What got me the most, aside from the beautiful descriptions of her feelings and her life in the woods, was the fairy-tale atmosphere at the beginning of the book, which made me feel like there could actually be a non-devastating ending to the ominous vulnerable-girl-gets-tried-and-turtured-as-a-witch storyline, but alas, it was heartbreaking despite the initial serenity. It was wonderfully written and I liked all the references to the historical facts in the area of the setting and to actual treatises of the era about ‘witches’ confessing to anything just to end the tortures of the Inquisition. It just left me heartbroken and emptied of hope in humans’ decency

The second one is a happy story, thank fuck! Basically, an orphan girl gets assigned to a rich family as a servant when she is still a child, and there she grows decently cared-after. A rich, charming, handsome foreigner settles in the small town to start a mining business and starts visiting the members of the family as they are the only proper acquaintances for him - one of them is an unmarried woman in.. her thirties, I guess, as it is said that she rejected the would-be husbands her brothers introduced to her for quite a few years and was starting to lose hope in ever getting married - except she likes this foreigner and thinks she is liked in return. One day, this man asks for a private meeting and she thinks, “ah, he should have gone to my brothers for approval, first, but he is showing the respect he has for me by treating me like the mistress of the house”, thinking he wants to marry her, but what he does instead is ask for the hand of the pretty orphan girl (she is a teen by then), as he fell in love with her footprints on the sand of the riverbank and met her there and fell in love with the rest of her. The servant girl likes him, too, and accepts his offer of marriage if the lady agrees - which she does. The lady even offers to have the local seamstresses prepare her trousseau, on the condition that they use her designs for the embroidery. On a small tablecloth she has the illiterate seamstresses embroider a curse on the newlyweds and their family! But she is thwarted in the sweetest way, which I am not going to spoil - this was a really cute and uplifting and surprising story, especially considering that the cursed tablecloth actually exists! I loved the fact that we get the original inscription in the afterword and can enjoy the fact that, at least in this tale, a person’s mean spirit and vengefulness was duly contrasted and defeated! I loved it!

The tale of wind cookies! It’s such a whimsical and sweet story, I loved the descriptions of people’s reactions to the heavenly scent and how simply magical it all feels, from beginning to end

[ausetkmt]

I recently heard a trailer for a radio programme, in which the announcer asked us if we knew that reaching out to others can enhance our health and even help us live longer. He sounded somewhat surprised himself.

Yet I remember writing about the power of social connection way back in the early 1980s, on publication of the latest report from the Framingham Heart Study, a long-term investigation of the heart health of residents of Framingham, Massachusetts. It had revealed that having close relationships was more important for the heart than standard protective factors, such as taking exercise, having a good diet, and not smoking. (The article, in the British edition of Cosmopolitan, was even given the chirpy title, “Love your friends and save your life.”)

Research on Loneliness

This was quite astounding at the time, and supportive findings from other studies followed, such as one that found that men who felt loved by their partners were less likely to suffer heart attacks than those who felt neglected.

Much more has been discovered, of course, in the intervening years, about the power of connection with others and its wider impact on health, protecting against not just heart attacks but also other ills. It is now scientifically accepted that the human brain is a social organ and that we need social connection to survive.1 Put bluntly, loneliness can be a killer.

As the late John Cacioppo, an eminent psychologist in this field, described in his book Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, not only does loneliness adversely affect the stress system, which enables us to deal with major or chronic stressful circumstances, but it also slows healing and reduces brain power.2

The findings continue to accrue. For instance, Finnish researchers recently showed that those who described themselves as lonely were at higher risk of contracting infections that needed hospital treatment.3

Strikingly, Cacioppo showed how people who are lonely have heightened sensitivity to social threats. In a test in which participants had to name the colour in which positive and negative social and nonsocial words were printed (for instance, "cooperate," "reject," "delicious," and "vomit"), only lonely people were slow to name the colours of socially negative words like "reject."

Fear of Rejection

“The brains of lonely people are on high alert, focused on social connection and social rejection in everything they do, which is why they see evidence for rejection or unkindness, even when its existence is questionable,” John Cacioppo told me in an interview for Human Givens Journal.4 Unfortunately, the fear of being rejected can make us too demanding or too critical of others or too passive—and so we manage to sabotage the very thing we want—genuine, meaningful connection with another person. Alas, the lonelier we are, the lonelier we may get.

I have worked with many university students struggling with loneliness and fearful about reaching out to others. Social anxiety is behind most of it. Just recently, one told me that he couldn’t speak when in a group of students, fearing they would find him boring. It was just after the beginning of his first term, when people were starting to form their friendship groups, and so it was important that he quickly learned how to manage himself better.

I suggested that he needed to recognise what he might be contributing to situations he found awkward, through the way he presented himself in them. Did he appear reluctant to be spoken to? Aloof (through fear)? Did intense concentration make him seem judgmental?

I advised him to ask questions of others. “Be like a journalist,” I told him. “Be genuinely curious. Ask about their interests and listen to the answer, instead of worrying about what they may be thinking of you. If you listen to the answer, you will have your next question, and quite quickly the conversation can start to flow more naturally.”

Understanding Loneliness

Find counselling near me

Having an external focus instead of an internal focus is, of course, the key. He tried this and reported back that he had felt comfortable in, and accepted by, the group. (Not surprising, as he alone had been excluding himself.) The experience gave him encouragement and confidence.

I also suggest lonely or shy people try out activities where the focus is not on meeting people but involves being with others in a natural way—such as through joining a park litter-picking group, acting as a tour guide, signing up for rambles, taking someone’s dog for a walk in the park—that can lead to a lot of chat, all unthreateningly dog-focused—and so forth. Oiling the wheels of social communication makes connection easier.

So, as the radio programme proclaimed, reaching out to others can indeed enhance our health and well-being—and maybe it does need saying over and over again.