#alec x5 494

[theangelblood]

I'm on season 2 of Dark Angel, and I have to say I'm really enjoying Jensens portrayal of Alec

[destielshippingnews]

Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 2x10 Hunted

This episode is Raelle Tucker’s second solo script for the show, and while it is not terrible, it is not her best work. Miles better than her erstwhile co-writer Sera Gamble’s lamentable soap-opera offering 2x17 Heart, but falling far short of 2x20 What Is and What Should Never Be. Funnily enough, the thing I like most about Raelle Tucker’s scripts seems to be the weak point of this episode: she is a Dean girl. Her portrayal of Dean in this episode is spot on, but the way she wrote Sam made him seem like an utter dunderhead.

Let us begin near the beginning of the episode with Dean’s revelation to Sam that John told him he might have to kill Sam. Sam’s reaction to this news is exactly what I would expect from him. As has been eloquently displayed, Sam is a master at making everything about himself and whining about it, so of course he would not even see the fact that Dean’s own father has burdened him with not only murder, but fratricide – one of the gravest sins in almost all cultures. This is all in character for Sam, a guy who likes to think he is doing good but forgets that the road to Hell is paved with ignoring Dean good intentions. Sam himself knows that there is something ‘wrong’ with him, that his visions are portents of something much worse, and he still shoots the messenger. Fine, whatever, nothing new here.

Sam abandoning Dean and running away in the middle of the night ‘to find answers about himself’ was similarly stupid, especially considering he knows at this point that people like Gordon are after him, as are Azazel and co. What could have happened here to make Sam seem much more mature, thoughtful, and actually respectful of his brother, would have been for him to say to Dean:

‘I don’t want to be around you at the moment. I know this is hard for you, and I know how much you’ve always done for me, but knowing what Dad told you has made me wonder whether I’m safe being near you. I’ve been watching you getting more violent and scary for months, and a few days ago you seemed to have no problem killing people who might have been infected. You’ve already killed innocents: remember Meg and her brother’s hosts? I do. I hate having to leave you, but I don’t know how much longer I’ll be safe around you. If I go to sleep in the same room as you, am I going to wake up with your gun pointed at me? I can’t take that risk, Dean. And I don’t think seeing the man Dad told you to kill every day is doing you any good. I’m sorry. Go to Bobby, or Ellen. But I can’t be around you at the moment.’

That would have been respectable and adult. It would have been like Buffy choosing to not have Angel in her life rather than continuing with their messy, doomed relationship. Given Dean’s behaviour and Sam’s fear of and for him over the last ten episodes, this would be perfectly understandable. What we got, however, was something quite different. Sam simply left Dean, and gave his reason to Ellen as ‘I have to find out about myself and Dean can’t protect me from that.’ In other words, since Dean cannot protect Sam in Sam’s estimations, Dean is useless and Sam does not need him. Paula R. Stiles worded it thusly:

When Ellen tells him she has to call Dean, Sam whines that he has “to find answers” and Dean can’t “protect” him from that. The self-centered, utilitarian view Sam has of Dean in this episode (He only wants Dean around when he needs him for something) is stunning. I’d forgotten how far into the episode it went.

Sam is supposed to be intelligent, caring, and heroic. This is what The Show tells us over and over again, but Kripke’s self-insert really is just an overgrown teenager. Please do not misunderstand: he is young and even if he were not, people are allowed to make mistakes and occasionally be selfish, silly, and stupid. The problem with Sam is that it is a good day if he is not any of those things. His motivation for leaving Dean had nothing to do with Dean’s recent behaviour and everything to do with 'finding out who he is'.

But even given Dean’s behaviour, I felt so sad for him. He is the one burdened with his entire moral framework being shattered after losing his father and being resurrected. He is the one showing serious signs of being driven towards ‘evil’. And he is the one abandoned, rejected, yet struggling with all his might to not become the monster he has to become.

As if Sam’s self-centred nocturnal abandonment of him were not enough, his instantaneous reaction to hearing that Dean might have to kill him is to attack Dean. Constant Readers may well remember my referring to Dean as John and Sam’s ’cat’ (and Missouri Moseley’s dog whom she would not stop kicking): people will sometimes kick the family cat in anger instead of lashing out at the person who angered them, and they do so because they know the cat cannot kick back. John did this to Dean in 1x20 Dead Man’s Blood, and Sam does it to Dean whenever he gets the chance. 1x08 Bugs, for example, with his ’cum ’n ’av a go if ye fink ye’re ’ard enuff’ act when Dean took issue with Sam bitching about him to strangers. Sam’s behaviour in this scene with his blatant aggression towards Dean, and his threat that ’you might have to waste me [because otherwise I’m gonna batter you]’ smacked of knowing full well he can treat Dean as badly as he likes with impunity.

Worse still, Dean allows it. He wastes no time whatsoever in taking all the blame and guilt Sam hurls at him, and confesses he ’deserves it’. Even this early in the show, it makes me very sad to see this because this is 100% true to life codependent behaviour. If you want evidence of a child who has been treated horrifically, here is some right here. If Dean can absolve others of any blame by taking it all on himself, then he can perhaps avoid punishments such as being shouted at or beaten: if he abases himself and crawls in the muck for other people, they might let him be. Clearly he has learnt that such behaviour is necessary in maintaining relationships with John and Sam. Only with Cas does he refuse to take on all guilt (at least all of the time), but that does not stop Cas ultimately letting Dean take all the blame for their fall out between 14x18 Absence and 15x10 The Trap.

This never stops with Dean, and it makes me sad. In this scene, he is clearly trying his hardest to maintain the only relationship he has with anybody, but to do so he must allow himself to be attacked and blame himself for it.

As much as I write this, I am aware that some readers will not ’see this’, and all I can say is: I am glad it is invisible to you. The thing about abusive behaviour and poisonous relationships is that they are often invisible to people who have no experience of them. They are the real-world equivalent of monsters: the fact you cannot see them does not mean people are not fighting them.

It is understandable that Sam be angry, but not that he direct it at Dean. I would have been over the moon if Dean had punched Sam in the face and pushed him into the river for acting like that. Especially galling was Sam’s ’Take some responsibility for yourself, Dean’, which stank of an immature little boy trying to talk big but exposing his own arse by doing so. Think of all the responsibility Sam has not taken for himself, like for example him being to blame for Dean’s taking the fall for shifter!Dean’s crimes in 1x06 Skin, or electro!Sam shooting Dean in 1x10 Asylum because it was much easier to blame Den for all his problems that to admit the fact Sam chose to travel across America with Dean. And then there is 1x11 Scarecrow when Sam ran his mouth off to a stranger about his life... Ironic, really.

All of this would be forgivable, mind you, if the show were not so adamant of absolving Sam of all responsibility, of having other characters treat him like a good boy (Ellen, Bobby, Missouri), and denying Dean the opportunity to get angry at Sam on more than one or two occasions over the whole fifteen year run. The end result is that it looks as though I am supposed to think Sam’s actions are generally good and justified while Dean is in the wrong. Even when Sam is responsible for raising Lucifer, he still tries to pass off the blame to Dean for ’being too controlling and pushing him towards Ruby’, (5x05 Fallen Idols) a claim the show makes no effort to disprove and which Dean humbly accepts.

I just want somebody to give Dean a hug and a big mug of hot chocolate. I think he will have to wait until 15x14 Last Holiday before anything even close to that happens.

Moving swiftly on before series seven Sam’s sideburns distract me too much, this episode shows that though Dean’s overblown, exaggerated archetypical masculine side as represented by Gordon in 2x03 Bloodlust was wounded and momentarily defeated, it is still alive and trying to take over Dean.

Gordon is once again the antagonist in this episode. ’Baddie’ would probably be a more fitting word, but the show ends up proving Gordon to not be completely wrong. It shows Gordon to be pathological in his willingness to believe what one demon told him about somebody he conveniently knows, and his willingness to kill people for what the might one day commit (according to a random demon because demons never lie). He also has a hate on for Sam for turning Dean against him in 2x03 Bloodlust, which likely added to his willingness to believe anything which could justify his killing Sam. Gordon seemed to believe Dean could be a companion for him, but he wanted Dean’s complete, undivided loyalty. For that reason, he sought to turn Dean against Sam and cut him off from his brother in the way that abusive, manipulative, controlling boyfriends and girlfriends do.

Gordon even attempts to convince Dean of the rightfulness and necessity of killing Sam, and apparently believes Dean will see his side and not torture and kill him afterwards.

It is strange, then, that the show almost proves Gordon’s point right later on, given Sam’s dalliance with Ruby and the apocalyptic consequences thereof. Two things can be true at once, though: Sam is a potential threat at this point in the show, but killing somebody for an innate part of themselves or something they might do is unjustified.

Scott in the cold open is an innocent being tormented by Azazel in order for him to develop his psychic powers and become a ’soldier in the coming war’, a line which sounds nice but had about as much as pay-off as Soldier Boy in The Boys. By which I mean there is none: the Stephen King-adjacent storyline of psykids comes to nothing since all of them bar Sam die by the end of series two, and later revelations of Dean and Sam being the divinely-pedigreed vessels for Michael and Lucifer make that whole plot redundant. Scott, however, was destined to be one of the young people (who are all American because Azazel lacks a passport) forced to fight for a chance to open the gates of Hell and release Satan.

We meet Scott at a counselling session where he reveals he is one of the psychic children with a similar story to Sam: nightmares which began roughly a year ago followed by some kind of power. The counsellor seems unsure whether he believes Scott or not, given he refused to shake his hand, and afterwards Scott gets killed like a gutted fish in a car park. The killer is Gordon, but this is revealed later.

This happens a month prior to the episode, so perhaps sometimes around episode 2x06 No Exit if we assume that there is roughly a week or so between episodes. Unlike other cold opens involving ESPkids, this one does not turn out to be a vision of Sam’s, and he does not find out about it until after he abandons his brother in the night instead of doing the clever thing and waiting and planning with Dean. His first stop seems to be Harvelle’s Roadhouse in Nebraska, quite a drive away from Oregon (where presumably Dean and Sam had their discussion after 2x09 Croatoan took place there). Here, he is essentially welcomed with open arms and firmly absolved of any wrongdoing or guilt in running away from home like a dumb teenager. The show wants us to think Sam is in danger of becoming evil, but everybody is intent on acting like the sun shines out of his arse and ignoring his bad behaviour.

A prime example of this is presented in this episode as Sam wanders in through the door of Harvelle’s Roadhouse: rather than giving him the excoriation he so sorely deserves after going AWOL whilst Big Things Regarding Kids Like Sam are in motion, Ellen acts almost exactly as she would if the writer (or script editor) thought Sam’s behaviour was good and justified. She gives him a warm smile and speaks in a quiet, soft voice as if she is a mother welcoming her son back home. Ellen enquires as to the nature of the schism between Dean and Sam which Sam deftly deflects, and rather than pushing him on the subject, she conveniently goes along with Sam’s conversation, allowing Sam to refrain from giving an accounting of himself.

Would she have done this if things were the other way around and Dean had abandoned Sam? Almost definitely not, and I am having flashbacks to Missouri Mosely in 1x09 Home. Dean would have been flayed alive, but Sam is practically welcomed with open arms and commiseration. Even after Sam shifts the topic to Jo (whom Sam had a pivotal role in getting into the hunting life. Remember: Sam also neglected to call Ellen and inform her Jo was with them, yet only Dean got the reprimanding), none of the anger she directed at the brothers (one of them in particular) is apparent.

That would have been acceptable to an extent, since he is not her teenage son and it is not her place to reprimand him, but even if his scarpering from the one person most able to protect him from Azazel did not put himself and everybody around him in danger, he has still run away without explanation and let the people in his life fear the worst. In spite of that, he gets not a single sharp word.

As if that were not bad enough, Ellen even gives Sam what amounts to an almost-apology for her behaviour at the end of 2x06 No Exit. Sam is the one in the wrong here, and not only does he get called ’Sweetie’, but he gets the almost-apology which by rights should be Dean’s almost-apology, since he seemed to be the one both Ellen and Jo specifically rejected and drove away at the end of that episode, even though Sam AND Jo were equally to blame for what happened.

Anyway, Sam went to Ellen to get help with finding other psychics like him. Ash searches for people in certain criteria: born in 1983, mother died in a house fire, etc, and manages to call up four results, two of which are dead (Max from 1x14 Nightmare and Scott from the cold open) as well as Andy from 2x05 Simon Said whose adopted mother died in a housefire. Sam decides that since Scott’s death is the most recent (one month prior), he should go to where he died to try to find answers. ...An idea which makes exactly the kind of sense that’s not, but whatever, Sam. I would have gone to find Andy since he is still alive and a possible next target, but Sam is Big Smart so my idea is clearly stupid.

Upon leaving, Ellen tells Sam she will have to call Dean to tell him where Sam is, but Sam requests she not do so. Apparently Sam is going to find out the truth about himself and Dean cannot protect him from that, which makes exactly the kind of sense that’s not, but whatever, Sam. Is this one of those déjà thingies? Anyway, Ellen is apparently a sucker for Sam’s ’puppy dog’ act because she agrees to acquiesce to his request. Personally, I want to cut his fringe off and tell him to stop shaving so closely whenever he tries that face.

Why Ellen did not ring Dean while Ash was doing his thing is beyond me. Sam would not have been happy, but what would he have done to stop her? Assaulted her in a bar full of other hunters? Good luck. Sam would have had to wait around if he wanted his information anyway, so that would have been a smart move. Why she did not ring Dean directly after Sam departed is also beyond my ken: if she is supposed to be a mother hen character, she should do some mother henning and make sure her hens are safe. Sam is safer with Dean than without, whatever Sam’s misgivings may be, so wherefore the lack of henning?

Plot convenience. And treating Sam like Mummy’s Special Little Boy. What else would be appropriate for Kripke’s s Oh-So-Sensitive self-insert? Gross. Sam’s a perfect example of spare the rod, spoil the child.

But speaking of children, Sam’s tendency to run away is likely connected to his need for control over other people, particularly Dean. If he is in control he feels he can minimise potential risk to himself, a trait apparently common among people whose childhoods were characterised by instability, neglect, and abuse. It is a truism that abused children may come to embody the worst aspects of their parents, but such is the nature of trauma: it is often passed from one person to the next like a disease. John abused his children, mainly Dean, but Sam was there too and he suffered instability, neglect, and a lack of control and direction. In order to give himself a feeling of stability and control over his life, he appears to try his hardest to exert control over those nearest to him – namely Dean. If he cannot do this, his instinct seems to be to run away.

People call Dean emotionally repressed because he does not talk about his feelings and ’lies about being ’fine’, but Dean’s problem is that while he mostly understands what he is feeling, he does not have the support or tools to process things properly, wherefor his reliance on hunting as catharsis and alcohol as a painkiller. However, he does not run from his issues (mostly): he just locks them in the room next door. Sam on the other hand talks about other people’s emotions but rarely talks about his own, and appears to be much worse at running from them than Dean is.

Apropos running, Sam’s flight from Dean leads him to Lafayette, Indiana where Scott is buried. Sam interviews Scott’s father and investigates Scott’s bedroom which is home to video tapes, cassette tapes, and novels which look like they were probably taken from Eric Kripke’s bedroom in the 1980s or early 1990s. Further investigation reveals that the wall of Scott’s closet is plastered with pictures of yellow eyes taken from magazines.

Following this, Sam receives company at his motel in the form of Ava, a psychic who had a vision of Sam exploding. She explains that she had visions of Scott’s death but thought they were just dreams until she saw a report of his death in the newspaper. After that, she tracked Sam down by searching for the name of the motel she saw on the notepad Sam used. Clever girl. Shame she will not be around for long, but still.

The actress Katherine Isabelle played Margot Verger in Hannibal (2013), as well as one of the leads in Ginger Snaps (2000) alongside Emily Perkins who will appear several times in Supernatural as Becky Rosen, the fangirl who essentially roofied Sam, tried to marry him, then tied him to a bed when the spell stopped working. Oh, and we were probably supposed to be laughing at that. At least her final appearance in 15x04 Atomic Monsters is much more grown up and socially conscious.

Returning to the episode at hand, Paula R. Stiles concluded that Azazel sent Ava the vision in order for her to prevent Sam getting killed (or at least, that is her interpretation of what the episode must be about to make sense), but if that was the case, why did Azazel not just kill Gordon? Unless it was a test or whether Sam would kill Gordon, or whether Dean would kill Gordon. That is getting into the realm of speculation once again, though, so I will leave it there.

Ellen eventually decides to call Dean, though it is unclear how much time has passed since Sam left. If the Roadhouse is in Nebraska and Sam is in Indiana, that would take a fair few hours of driving. 650 miles by road separate the state capitals of Lincoln and Indianapolis, but the location of the Roadhouse in Nebraska is not clarified, so it could be a few hundred miles farther if the Roadhouse is in the west of the state. However it may be, it appears the journey would take something like ten hours, so it must be the next day at least when Ellen rings Dean. Some pseudophilosophical preamble about ’not always being able to protect your loved ones’ is followed by Ellen spilling Sam’s whereabouts to Dean.

And speaking of Dean, I noticed Jensen’s unusual pronunciation of s while watching 1x15 The Benders last year. I had seen people mocking the way he talks before and never understood what they were talking about, but now I have actually noticed it, I am seriously casting negative judgement on people for making fun of it.

It is not a speech impediment because his speech is fine, but there is something about his s sounds at the end of a word in particular which strikes me as unusual in English. It is definitely not a sh sound, but it is a bit thicker sounding than a usual s. It is almost a palatalised sound like in Estonian, Karelian, or Russian. As well as that, he often does not turn his s into a z at the end of words like native English speakers usually do with words like dogs (normally pronounced dogz) and please (usually pronounced pleaz). Jensen’s please often rhymes with fleece, and his dogs is often pronounced with his unusual s, not a normal z. He also says cars with an s at the end, not a z. I have no idea whether this is an idiosyncracy of his, the remnants of a speech impediment, or a feature of the English spoken in his region of Texas. Now I have pinpointed it, I can hear it everywhere ranging from his work on Days of Our Lives and Dark Angel to the voiceover on The Winchesters and his performance in Big Sky. Valentine’s Day is approaching, and with it my yearly ritual of watching My Bloody Valentine 3D, so I will be listening out for it then.

Hello, I have been studying languages and linguistics for almost two decades, pleased to make your acquaintance. And now back to our regularly-scheduled broadcast...

Sam enlists Ava’s help in getting hold of Scott’s file from his counsellor (which involves Ava squirming as she tries to act like she belongs there and Sam being an idiot and climbing around on the side of what looks like quite a tall building). They later listen to the recording of Scott’s final session together in the motel room, and this raises the topic of Azazel and psychic children. Sam tries to explain the Yellow-Eyed Demon, psychic children, and ’the coming war’ to Ava, but she understandably thinks he is a weirdo talking a load of codswallop.

Returning to the subject of ambiguous passage of time, it is unclear how long it took Dean to reach Indiana, but he rolls up outside in his noisy, rumbling car which Sam appears not to notice at all. Dean sees his brother and Ava through the window, but rather than going into the room and giving Sam the stern talking to he deserves for being a melodramatic pantaloon, he is content to sit outside in the car assuming that Sam and Ava have engaged in coitus, or are soon to do so.

This makes sense, of course, because Sam in no way deserves a stiff reprimand for his behaviour in this episode. Even the man Sam hurt the most with his actions is not allowed to to be angry at him in this episode. Raelle Tucker, I am surprised. Or was this a script editor decision? Raelle did so well with 2x20 What Is and What Should Never Be.

Enter Gordon and the beginning of a fight scene which in all honesty is a bit naff. Other than Alec X5-494 once more momentarily taking control of Jensen to reset Gordon’s brain with a nasty-looking kick to the head, it is a little silly.

Nobody in the motel seems to hear either the motel window shattering, the gunshots (which were not that quiet), or two grown men whaling on each other across the street.

Dean’s Alec’s kick to Gordon’s head should have done some serious damage and put him at a considerable disadvantage in his fight with Dean Alec, but apparently his head is so thick that Dean’s Alec’s kick did not stun him at all. Neither does Dean Alec punching him in the head following said kick do much more than make his mouth bleed a bit. Luckily for Gordon, Dean and Alec’s vessel’s skull is much more fragile than his, meaning that a blow to the head with the butt of Gordon’s rifle is enough to knock it out cold.

Alas, that meant that Alec was once more driven back to the recesses of Dean’s vessel’s consciousness where, alack, he shall remain for a long while. I love Firefly to bits, but the reason series three of Dark Angel was cancelled three days after it got greenlit was because Fox decided to go with Firefly instead, so thrilled were they to have a Joss Whedon project on their network.

Have I told you about my best friend Alec, by the way? I miss him...

Rather than finishing his job and killing Sam, Gordon inexplicably leaves the scene with Dean and Alec’s vessel in tow without being seen and with what must be considerable head trauma quick enough that neither Sam nor Ava saw hide nor hair of him. Upon investigating the source of the bullets which nearly perforated him and Ava, Sam discovers a round and concludes somebody used a muffled rifle, much to Ava’s amusing bemusement.

Alec is alas in absentia, but Sam receives a phone call from Dean in which his vessel appears to have taken no damage whatsoever from being once more knocked unconscious with a blunt object, even though a blow to the head hard enough to cause unconsciousness is hard enough to cause serious brain damage or death. Dean is tied to a chair in what looks like an abandoned motel room, and with Gordon’s gun pointed at him he tells Sam to meet him at a certain location, but not without first informing Sam via a code that somebody has a gun on him.

What follows is probably the best scene of the episode for many reasons. Gordon attempts to justify his need to kill Sam to Dean in what sounds very much like trying to recruit Dean to his cause. He sees Dean as somebody who could be very much like him, something which shows Gordon sees all too clearly Dean’s propensity for violence and his homicidal, psychopathic potential. Why else would Gordon leave Dean alive after his phone call to Sam if he did not believe he could talk Dean around to his way of thinking? He could have shot Dean in the chest, cleaned up any blood off his face, and made it look as though Dean were unconscious if he wanted to lure Sam in, but he chose not to. Perhaps the thought of sitting in a room with a dead body which would empty its bowels soon after death was off-putting...

Dean for his part is still tethered to ’sanity’ by his moral compass, something Gordon appears to misunderstand. Dean would kill him, as indeed he intended to after Sam untied him, and nothing Gordon could say or do would prevent Dean making him sleep with the fishes. Whilst Gordon is busy talking about how it is necessary to kill the psychic kids to save the world (’necessary evil’, ’for the greater good’ and all that) Dean’s bravado slowly fades as he realises Gordon might just be able to kill Sam (the second tripwire wipes the smile off his face) but he almost never looks scared of Gordon. Though he is tied to a chair and eventually gagged, he gives Gordon looks which say ’you are so fraking stupid’ and ’oh my god, you’re an idiot’ and I cannot help being amused. Dean has no overt power in that situation, but he seems inconvenienced rather than weak and vulnerable. Gordon on the other hand has no idea what thin ice he is skating on. He should have ganked Dean while he had the chance, but he was clearly just too sweet on him.

Yes, I am aware not everybody is gay, but neither is everybody heterosexual.

Besides that, Gordon’s seeming belief that Dean will reciprocate his lust join him on the dark side of the force after realising the necessity and rightfulness of his killing people like Sam proves that his mentis is very far from compos.

Back to Sam, he tells Ava to leave town and go back to her fiancé, then goes to the address Dean gave him. He sneaks around the back of the abandoned motel and into the room. There is an explosion and Dean roaring like an angry bull through his gag, but Gordon is not so easily fooled. A second explosion soon follows, but it turns out Sam is alive and he pulls his gun out on Gordon… and then immediately proves he really is the stupidest child in remedial English by NOT PULLING THE DAMN TRIGGER!

Have I already had this rant in this analysis, or was it the previous one? Sam’s hesitancy to pull the trigger on bad guys might have been understandable near the beginning of series one, and even in 1x21 Salvation it was understandable he missed the first shot at Azazel. Even not shooting Azazel!John was relatable, but at that point he should have learnt that trying to have a clear conscience and not harm anybody is selfish, self-indulgent, and GETS PEOPLE KILLED! This is a lesson he should have learnt multiple times, with 2x09 Croatoan being the latest, but he seems incapable of learning form his mistakes. People think Sam is the intelligent one why?

Gordon had shown his true colours in 2x03 Bloodlust, and in this very episode he had beaten Dean with a gun, tied him up, then used him as bait to lure in Sam, not to mention the two explosions which were intended specifically to kill Sam. What part of this says ‘not shooting this man the first opportunity I get’ is a good idea in this context? Gordon might believe he is justified in what he is doing, but most people would call him ‘evil’ without hesitation. Even Sam would, but Sam lets him get away with a little bit of unconsciousness. Pull the ever-loving trigger, Sam, you floppy-haired prat. A clear conscience is a luxury he can ill afford, and one which endangers himself, Dean, and all the other kids like him.

Sam unties Dean, whereupon the latter wastes no time in going to dispatch Gordon, but Sam stops him and – for some unknown reason – Dean leaves Gordon be, taking Sam’s word that Gordon has been taken care of. Once more, people are doing what Sam wants in this episode to avoid conflict, even though Sam was the reason all of this happened in the first place.

As if to prove me right, Gordon wakes up in no time and comes after Dean and Sam as they walk to the car, trying to kill them with his pistol. They run and hide behind a grassy mound, at which point the police arrive and apprehend Gordon. They find lots of weapons in Gordon’s van, and we are left to conclude Gordon will be going to prison for a long time.

Here is my problem with the scene, and it is similar to Sam risking Dean’s life at the end of 1x13 Route 666. The police arriving was not guaranteed to happen at a certain time, and if they had arrived a moment later, Gordon could well have murdered both Sam AND Dean (although he might have spared Dean death). Had Sam arrived later, Gordon might have heard or seen them and run, possibly killing Dean beforehand, or else kidnapping him again. Sam might well have been thinking of the police when he refused to kill Gordon, but his plan was too dependent on contingencies and risked Dean’s life on numerous counts.

There is also the inconvenient fact that Dean is a wanted murderer after Sam made him take the fall for Shifter!Dean’s murders in 1x06 Skin. Had the police turned up whilst Dean was still tied to the chair, things would have gone badly for him.

Stupid, stupid Sam. Even Dean praises him at the end of the episode, for which I have to roll my eyes.

After this, Dean rings Ellen, assuming she must have had something to do with Gordon finding out Sam’s whereabouts. Ellen understands Dean’s assumption, but asserts that she did not tell anybody. Any of the hunters in the Roadhouse could have overheard, and according to her many of them would have easily been able to track Sam and the psychics down.

Anyway, the penultimate scene of the episode is Dean and Sam talking in the car. Ava will not answer phone and Sam is getting concerned, and after making a comment about marital infidelity and carnal pleasure as a reward for saving the world, Dean says ‘If you ever take off like that again…’ which is the extent of the anger he shows Sam in this episode. Sam’s response to this is a laugh, as though a microbe has just started getting lippy with him.

So those people who think Dean has a history of violently abusing Sam… take a look at how little Sam cares about Dean’s threats of repercussions. He does not, not in the slightest. Does that sound like the actions of a man being ‘threatened with violence’ by his abuser? Not to me.

Bismillah give me strength...

Oh, and Dean made a men-being-raped-in-prison joke, because that is hilarious apparently. I mean, those men deserve it, after all. Sam deserved a slap in the face after his behaviour in this episode, but Dean gets a time out. Why do the writers keep giving the characters stupid lines like that? Still, at least he does not make a joke about the man who is actually raped repeatedly in 2x15 Tall Tales, but more on that sometime in March when I get to it.

Ava’s radio silence worries Sam enough that he gets Dean to drive him to Peoria, Illinois (the state next door to Indiana). At Ava’s home, they find her fiancé dead and sulphur in the window: a demon was recently there, but the exact circumstances of Ava’s disappearance and her dead fiancé are anybody’s guess. Did the demon kill the fiancé and then kidnap Ava, or did it possess Ava, kill the fiancé, and then leave? Was the demon already possessing Ava when she met Sam?

Sam finds Ava’s engagement ring on the floor, and then the end credits roll.

Not the best episode, but not the worst either. The mollycoddling of Sam irked and vexed me, as did the writer not allowing Dean or anybody else (but especially Dean) to get angry with Sam. This might be a script editor decision rather than writer decision, but I am still miffed. In hindsight, the psychic kids plot is mostly redundant and never leads anywhere. It could have done, as Lucifer could easily have used the psychics in his army to fight the ‘war’ we never actually see but hear a lot about (probably a budget problem, just like the black contact lenses etc). Dean is struggling with his ‘dark side’ or his ‘exaggerated masculine’ which is trying to deaden him to killing Sam. Dean is, however, in a better position to fight his own corner, and unless I am very much mistaken there is no point in series two after this where it looks conceivable Dean would kill Sam. Although after Sam’s gallivanting off on a jolly jaunt this episode, Dean would only have my deepest sympathies is he chose to do so.

[sensitivehandsomeactionman]

[theosaurous]

i need to know what it is with jackles and playing canonically bi characters/characters that were speculated as bi or queer… like eric from DOOL was speculated as gay for a while (he had a secret and they wouldn’t tell jensen what it was for months so it came off like he was gay or smthn), alec and eddie g are both bisexual, dean’s well, dean… and soldier boy is queer in the comics (eric im begging u make it canon s5). like what energy is he giving off that he’s cast in these roles??? is he just typecast as a bisexual??

I DIDN’T KNOW SOLDIER BOY’S QUEER IN THE COMICS HELP 😭 (It would be iconic if they did make it canon)

Maybe its just Jensen or maybe he’s just good at playing repressed bisexual/queer characters without even realizing it

(Btw I really really really like getting asks)

[artyandink]

flour fire

SUMMARY: Baking with Alec? It’s more of a challenge than it lets on, really. Especially since he’s a goof in and out, and now you have to deal with it. But then again, you could get carried away yourself, even if you don’t want to.

TW: fluff, baking, Alec being a soft smartass

A/N: Here’s the Alec fic, you guys! Enjoy :) banner by @cafekitsune

NOW PLAYING: sunroof by nicky youre and dazy

Baking with Alec was always an adventure, one that you couldn't have possibly predicted. A simple task like making cookies turned into something out of a slapstick comedy, with a little bit of chaos, a lot of laughter, and, of course, Alec being Alec.

You had initially started out with high hopes. Chocolate chip cookies, maybe some brownies if things went well. That’s what you told yourself as you preheated the oven, pulling ingredients out of the cupboards while Alec leaned against the counter, watching you with that annoyingly charming smirk.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Alec said, arms folded over his chest. He was clearly in no hurry to start helping, which wasn’t exactly surprising.

“Baking is good for the soul,” you replied, placing a bag of flour on the counter and pointing a wooden spoon at him. “Also, I distinctly remember you suggesting this when we ran out of cookies last night.”

“That doesn’t sound like me,” he said, his grin widening. “But I’m here for moral support.”

“Right. Moral support,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Which is code for ‘standing around looking pretty while I do all the work.’”

Alec shrugged in that casual, infuriating way of his. “Hey, I didn’t say I wouldn’t help. I’m just waiting for you to mess something up so I can swoop in and save the day.”

“You are the worst,” you deadpanned, turning back to measure out some flour.

But before you could even get the scoop into the flour bag, Alec was right behind you, hands on your hips. “The worst, huh? You really want to say that to the guy who’s about to show you how to make the best cookies of your life?”

“Big words for someone who doesn’t know the difference between baking powder and baking soda,” you shot back, though you couldn’t help but smile as you felt him press a kiss to the back of your neck.

“Details,” he muttered into your hair before stepping back, all confident and cocky, as if he knew exactly what he was doing.

You handed him the flour. “Alright, hotshot. Show me your cookie-making genius.”

He gave you a wink, grabbing the measuring cup with way too much enthusiasm. “Step one: measure the flour,” Alec said, like he was hosting his own cooking show. “Which I will now do…with expert precision.”

You crossed your arms and watched as he dug the measuring cup into the bag, completely ignoring the fact that you were supposed to level it off. He poured what was probably more like a mountain than a cup of flour into the mixing bowl, a cloud of white powder rising up between you two like smoke from a fire.

“Perfect,” he declared, brushing some flour off his hands. “Nailed it.”

“Are you sure you’re not supposed to sift that?” you asked, already regretting letting him anywhere near the ingredients.

“Sifting is for people who don’t trust their flour,” Alec replied, dusting off his hands as if the mess wasn’t his problem anymore. “I trust my flour.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Yeah, well, I don’t trust you.”

“That’s rude,” Alec said, gasping in mock offense. “I’m wounded.”

“Oh, you’ll be wounded when we have to eat whatever monstrosity you’re about to make,” you muttered, grabbing the bag of sugar before Alec could get his hands on it. “Here. Measure this. Carefully. And level it off, for the love of all things cookie-related.”

Alec took the sugar from you, but not without waggling his eyebrows in a way that told you he was definitely about to make a joke. “I thought I was sweet enough for both of us,” he said, flashing that infuriating grin of his.

You groaned. “I take it back. I’m baking alone. Go sit in the corner.”

“Too late, you’re stuck with me,” he said, dumping an alarming amount of sugar into the bowl with absolutely zero finesse. “And besides, I’m helping! This is a team effort.”

“You’re like a walking disaster, Alec.”

He shot you a look, pretending to be hurt. “I am not. I’m more like…an agent of culinary chaos.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly the same thing,” you replied, snatching the sugar back from him before he could do any more damage. “You’re not even following the recipe.”

“Recipes are just guidelines,” he said, waving a dismissive hand. “Like pirate codes.”

“This is baking, not ‘Pirates of the Caribbean,’” you pointed out, but your protest was met with Alec grabbing a handful of chocolate chips and tossing them into his mouth like it was a bag of popcorn.

“These are good,” he said through a mouthful, nodding approvingly. “Want some?”

You stared at him, unimpressed. “You’re supposed to put those in the cookies.”

Alec raised an eyebrow and held out another handful of chocolate chips toward you. “I can’t hear you over how delicious these are.”

You couldn’t help it — you laughed. Alec was impossible, but he was also hilarious in that way that made it hard to stay mad. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you love me for it,” he said, popping another chocolate chip into his mouth.

“Unfortunately,” you replied, though the smile on your face said otherwise.

The next few minutes were a blur of you trying to salvage the mess Alec had created. Flour and sugar were scattered across the counter, like a snowstorm had hit your kitchen. The cookie dough was coming together, albeit with a few more “creative liberties” than you were comfortable with, thanks to Alec’s insistence that “a little extra butter never hurt anyone.”

But just when you thought things were finally under control, Alec reached for the eggs.

“Wait—” you started, but it was too late. Alec, in his infinite wisdom, cracked an egg directly into the bowl…shell and all.

You stared at the chunks of eggshell floating in the dough. “Alec. Why?”

He blinked at you innocently. “I’m adding texture.”

“You added eggshells.”

“They’re crunchy. It’s a new thing. Very gourmet.”

You buried your face in your hands. “I’m baking with a five-year-old.”

Alec laughed, stepping closer and wrapping an arm around your waist. “Admit it. You’re having fun.”

You peeked at him from between your fingers, trying to keep a straight face, but failing miserably. “No. I’m suffering.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, brushing a thumb across your cheek, smearing a bit of flour in the process. “You love it.”

You sighed dramatically. “Fine. But only because you’re cute.”

He grinned, clearly taking that as a victory. “I’ll take it.”

With the dough finally mixed — and the eggshells carefully removed, much to Alec’s chagrin — you began rolling the cookie dough into little balls, placing them on a baking sheet while Alec hovered around, occasionally stealing chunks of raw dough.

“You’re going to get salmonella,” you said, swatting his hand away for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Worth it,” he replied, popping another piece into his mouth. “Tastes like victory.”

“Tastes like regret,” you corrected, though you couldn’t help but laugh.

Once the cookies were in the oven, you both leaned against the counter, watching them bake through the tiny oven window. Alec nudged you with his elbow.

“See? We make a good team.”

“Yeah, after I did most of the work,” you teased.

Alec scoffed. “Please. I was the brains of this operation.”

“You were the comic relief.”

“I was both.”

You rolled your eyes, but before you could respond, Alec grabbed a handful of flour and, without warning, tossed it in your direction. It wasn’t much — just a small puff — but it was enough to catch you off guard.

“Alec!” you yelped, brushing the flour off your shirt. “Did you just…?”

He was already laughing, holding his hands up in surrender. “It was an accident!”

“Sure it was,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him.

You bent down, scooping up some flour of your own from the counter. Alec’s eyes widened.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he said, backing away with his hands still up. “Truce! I surrender!”

But it was too late. You flung the flour at him with a grin, hitting him square in the chest.

Alec stood there, stunned for a second, before he burst out laughing. “Oh, you’re asking for it now.”

Before you could escape, Alec lunged forward, grabbing the bag of flour and dumping some into his hand. You shrieked, trying to dodge, but he was faster, smearing flour across your face in retaliation.

It quickly devolved into chaos after that — flour flying everywhere, the kitchen turning into something resembling a battlefield. At one point, Alec tried to grab the bag of chocolate chips to use as ammo, but you wrestled it out of his hands, both of you laughing so hard that you could barely stand.

By the time the oven timer went off, signaling that the cookies were done, the kitchen looked like a flour bomb had gone off. There was flour in your hair, on Alec’s face, and pretty much on every surface within a five-foot radius.

“Okay,” Alec said, out of breath as he leaned against the counter, hands on his knees. “That may have gotten a little out of hand.”

“A little?” you said, brushing flour out of your eyebrows.

He straightened up, grinning. “Totally worth it.”

You shook your head, trying and failing to keep a straight face. “We’re never baking again.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” Alec teased, wiping some flour off his cheek and flicking it at you.

You opened the oven and pulled out the tray of cookies, setting them on the counter to cool. Miraculously, they looked edible.

Alec peered over your shoulder. “See? Told you. Perfect cookies.”

“Yeah, after we nearly destroyed the kitchen,” you said, though you were smiling. “But I’ll give you this one. They do look pretty good.”

Alec wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I knew we could do it. Teamwork.”

You leaned back against him, smiling as you both looked at the cookies. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“More than cookies?” he asked, his voice playful.

You turned your head to look at him. “It’s close.”

He laughed, pressing a kiss to your cheek, then to your lips. “I’ll take it.”

And as you both stood there, covered in flour and surrounded by the remnants of your chaotic baking adventure, you couldn’t help but think that, despite everything, this was exactly where you wanted to be.

©️ 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐤 / 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲’𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐨

𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐝/𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝

@goldngguk @sweetpeachbombshell @slut-for-stiles @staple-your-mouth @daddyscrimsstuff

@dob-4-life @marcis-mixtapez @nonoreas0n @gabrielasilva1510

@lucyholmes13 @pandadork-blog1 @nicolstancu @malusinhaaaa @dybalabandolero

@a-cup-of-nightshade @tomatoessoup @sh0rtcakee @fall-06 @mckaykay-fandoms

@b3th13

@demonxangelomegaverse @deanwinchestersgirl87 @capailluiscedove @i723l-interrupted2323 @niyomiii

@all-the-fan-fic @eviekinevie8 @sunflowerlover57

@1-800-dean-winchester

@darichvep @idk-usernme @supernaturalmarvel3000 @ega2025 @deanbrainrotwritings

@targaryenluvs @bucky-hydra-hoe-barnes @leigh70 @aintnowayboi @ripoffsteveharrington

@gleefulleve @sacrosankta

@riteofpassage77 @eevvvaa @thedevilortheangel @thorsballhair @barbienotdoll

@4e1h3r @wolfieblue03 @kianaleani @vicky199625 @sassyslut2003

@impyrz

@didisull @miwp @lastcallatrockysbar @rizlowwritessortof

@zepskies @angelbabyyy99

@autisticgothic

@yourgoldengirls @deansobsessedgirl @mrsjenniferwinchester

@aylacavebear @lailawinchesterr @brightlilith @arcanaa @hobby27

@lyarr24 @ximm19

@a-girl-who-loves-disney @jeneelsworld @deans-spinster-witch @deanspinsterwitchs-readinglist @kayleighwinchester

@cheynovak

[daughterofcain-67]

Personally I’d love to see more posts about Jensen’s character Alec from Dark Angel. Is it just me or is Alec sort of an underrated role Jensen played? To me when I watched the show he was just a younger version of Dean! Still sad that the show only had two seasons 😢

Anyway, if anybody has some recommendations for some Alec one shots or fanfics to read please let me know! I’d love to see what people have come up with! 🖤🖤🖤

[trekkiehood]

Found Dark Angel full eps on Daily Motion. Do I actually watch s1 or just jump back in with s2 😂

[lapseinrecs]

Freaks and Geeks

By Edwin Nigma

On Fanfiction.net

Status: Complete; 63k+ words

Summary: A teenaged 494 is on the run from Manticore and the Winchester Apocalypse has begun. With the added chaos, what's one more troubled Winchester to join Team Free Will? Set early season 4

My thoughts: I think the timeline's a little off and honestly I feel like Alec acts younger than the fic says he is, but it's good.

[jplupine]

I know I finished writing Trial X6, but I've been missing that fic so much that....I'm writing a 'What If' AU chapter for it!

I'm not 100% if I'll continue the main story, but I am currently toying with the idea since there's plenty of other things to explore with Shadow. I finished the story when I did because it was at a point that could be a clean break since I'd been working on the story for such a long time and felt the need to end it.

Now look at me, thinking about adding more to it lol

As for the 'What If' chapter, it'll be an AU covering a scenario of what if Shadow stayed with Manticore and didn't meet Max again after her mission finding Ben? Had she not met Max again, she never would have defected, and would've met Alec under extremely different circumstances 👀

[call-me-mrs-winchester]

ALEC MCDOWELL MASTERLIST

most of these will have strong themes so make sure you read the warnings on each piece.

ONESHOTS COMING SOON

MAIN MASTERLIST | JOIN THE TAG LIST

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO CALL-ME-MRS-WINCHESTER

: do not steal, plagiarize, translate, and/or republish any of my works* on here or another platform

*beside my writing, my works include : all banners, headers, dividers, and gifs that i use (which were made by me,) unless otherwise stated.

[thebiggerbear]

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." - Alec McDowell Prompt Response

Summary: You're looking for a way to set yourself up and blend in after breaking out of Manticore. Having heard the rumors, you seek out Max for help. In doing so, you come across someone you had never thought you'd see again.

Pairing: Alec McDowell x Female!Reader; Alec McDowell x Female!Transgenic Reader

A/N: Prompt from @creativepromptsforwriting (#941). I have been in love with the world of Dark Angel and Alec ever since the show aired. To me, it's completely fascinating, and I really wish it had continued. (I was a big Malec fan back then btw; Lomax just wasn't my thing) There's so much to explore, especially with Max herself and how the transgenic community was going to move forward now that the public was aware of them. And of course, Joshua, OC, and Alec. Great stuff. Originally, I wasn't sure what scenario would best suit Alec based on this prompt line but I knew it would definitely be something that would apply to him. As far as It's A Wonderful Life, I was listening to the Christmas radio show they aired back in the 40's as I was outlining this one and the idea sort of came to life on its own. Hope this one's alright.

This is meant to take place mid-s2 and I did use events from the Berrisford Agenda episode (2x11) as inspiration for the beginning. 😉

Thanks to my beta @rieleatiel for her services. You rock, girl!

Warnings: implied violence; implied murder; mention of fatal injury; implied sex

Word Count: 8419

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187

Alec Taglist: @heartlessdelusions; @nancymcl

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx

This was recc'ed by @winchestergirl2 here.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that."

Soldier Boy version ✨ Beau version ✨ Dean version ✨ Jenny version ✨ Jason version ✨ Tom version ✨ CJ version ✨ Rachel version ✨ Anael version ✨ SDV Leah version

You made your way into the bike messenger shop, glancing around despite the busy, distracting din. Rumor had it that a transgenic named Max had a sweet hookup here, something a fellow transgenic like yourself could use, being on the run and all. You could get a job, make money, and more importantly: blend in; not to mention it would teach you the layout of the city, the ins and outs, and provide you with legal documentation to let you past checkpoints in case Manticore ever came looking. 

So far, you hadn’t spotted the dark brunette you had been told about, and you didn’t sense any of your kind here. While a few people either walked past you, giving you a once-over as they did or stood there staring, all of them appeared to be human. Everyone else was milling to and fro, and you wondered if perhaps you’d been given wrong information. It had happened before so you were used to it, but this one you had really been hoping would turn out to be true. You could use a lucky break.

A man was barking out orders to a group of messengers before they dispersed, and his eye landed on you once they did. “You need something, Missy-Miss?”

You assumed the crankpot was the boss so you carefully approached him. “Uh, yeah, I was looking for—”

You were interrupted by yells coming from your far left. Your head snapped in the direction of the sounds and your eyes widened at what you saw.

There was the transgenic X5-494 backed up against the lockers, holding his hands out in a ‘whoa’ manner and giving the women in front of him his most charming grin; by the looks of their faces, it wasn’t working. “Ladies, ladies. No need to fight.”

“You didn’t tell me you were already seeing Lena when you asked me out!” One woman seethed.

“He asked you out?” Another woman, who you assumed was Lena, demanded. “I bet it happened right after we slept together, didn’t it?”

���He slept with you?” A third woman blanched.

“Tell me you haven't been making the rounds through the entire company,” another woman scoffed in disgust.

You shook your head, watching the show. Typical 494. Even out here he was still getting himself into trouble. By the sounds of it, he more than deserved the wrath of the women he was currently faced with, but you were still taken aback by his sudden appearance. Just when you thought you’d never see him again…

Before you knew it, the older man you had been talking to made his way over. “Alright, break it up! Break it up!” He forced his way next to 494 and glared at the ladies. “Shouldn’t you be working? You want your paychecks? Packages need to be delivered on time. Get going.”

The women grumbled and began to disperse, glaring in both men’s direction. “You just wait until later, Alec! This isn’t over!” 494 gave them all a sheepish smile while the other man scowled. 

“Okay, okay! You’ve got deliveries to make. Packages don’t deliver themselves so let’s go, keep it moving!” 

By the time they had all left, 494’s smile dropped and he seemed to deflate, gratefully clapping the man’s shoulder. “Thanks. I think they were about to eat me alive,” he laughed.

“Not on my watch,” the other man promised. “How’re you feeling, champ? You okay?”

“Yeah, no, I’m good. Just, you know…” He gestured to where the women had disappeared and bugged his eyes before letting out a nervous chuckle.

“You should’ve let them take a swing at him,” a brunette woman suddenly threw at them as she approached her locker, which was near the two men. “It’s not like he didn’t deserve it.”

494 let out a huff. “Thanks, Max,” he mumbled.

That name caught your attention—so this was Max. It had surprised you to see 494 here of all places, but it made sense considering what X5-452 had set up here.

“Don’t be like that, Missy-Miss,” the older man warned the woman. “There’s no reason to have that kind of attitude.”

Max shook her head and discreetly rolled her eyes, zipping up her backpack. “So what have you got for me today, Normal?”

Normal held out two packages for her to take. “They need these by noon, not one second later.”

Max snatched the packages and nodded. 494 stepped closer to her. “I’ll come with you,” he insisted, still seeing some of the dirty looks he was receiving from girls coming to and fro. 

She made a face at him which clearly said that wasn’t going to happen, and before she could voice that, Normal cleared his throat. “Not a bad idea. You could show him the ropes on that side of town and keep him from the estrogen mob looking to burn him at the stake. He’s got that raw animal charisma working and it’s causing trouble.” This time you made your own face of disgust. And this guy’s name was Normal? Far from it.

“Whatever,” Max snapped and shoved a package into 494’s chest, hard. She turned and was about to leave when you stepped forward.

“Max?” You called.

Her eyes snapped towards you as did 494’s and Normal’s. “Yeah?” She asked, seeming unsure. 

You knew she was sensing who you really were just like you could sense her and 494 across the way, even if you hadn’t just been watching them. You ignored 494’s eyes widening at the sight of you and the sudden tension in his body, making your way closer. “I was wondering if we could have a word.”

Max’s brows furrowed and Normal glanced between you, holding up a finger. “No visitors at work, Miss. You know the rule: packages need to be there by noon. Make it quick.” He turned and walked away, completely uninterested in whatever conversation you two were about to have.

Max stepped over to you, studying you intently. “You know my name, but I don’t know yours. What do you want?”

494 was standing right next to her, his eyes never leaving you. The surprise was still evident in his expression along with something else you couldn’t quite put a name to.

You glanced around, making sure no one was paying attention to you, before turning and lifting your ponytail from your neck, letting her see the barcode tattoo you had. After a moment, you spun on your heel to find her appearing a little more receptive to what you had to say. “So, you got somewhere we can talk?”

She nodded and glanced over at 494 before inclining her head in a direction she expected you to follow her in. You obliged, your eyes briefly flickering to 494’s, before he followed both of you.

Once you were outside in a semi-private spot, Max turned to you, her arms crossed. “So, who are you really?”

“X5-498,” you answered. 

Max glanced over at 494 before addressing you once again. “How long have you been on the run?”

“Since you destroyed the base and helped 494 escape.” You nodded in his direction. Yeah, maybe you were still a little bitter about that. 494 looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“I didn’t help him do anything,” Max insisted, her nose scrunching up in what appeared to be repulsion at the very idea. 

494 ignored her and trained his gaze on you. “I thought you were dead.”

You smirked over at him and crossed your arms. “Sorry to disappoint.” You noticed his jaw tighten and his eyes narrow at the jab.

“You two know each other?” Max was looking between you but neither of you looked away from the other. 

“She was my breeding partner,” 494 informed her. 

Max’s eyes widened and turned on you. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “He wouldn’t have been my first choice, either.”

He snorted and the amused smirk you were more than familiar with began to appear on his face, yet he didn’t say a word. 

“Oh-kay. That’s not super weird or anything.” She turned to 494. “You had more than one breeding partner? Were you Manticore’s stud horse or something?” She looked grossed out at the thought.

494’s eyes briefly flickered over to her. “498 and I were paired off long before you got there.”

“But then, if you were already paired off, why were you paired off with me, too?” Your gaze snapped to Max who looked genuinely confused for a moment before realization hit her. “Oh, right. It was all part of your big plan to get me to trust you so I could accidentally kill Logan. Got it.”

494 shrugged unapologetically. “Pretty much.” He turned back to you. “Renfro gave me the mission and told me if I didn’t succeed, then that’d be it for me. I was already on thin ice with them. So, she assigned me to you, Max, and I did what I had to do.”

“And he left me to die,” you supplied, gracing her with your smirk. 

His jaw dropped before he closed his mouth and pressed his lips into a thin line. “I didn’t leave you there to die,” he protested. 

“Leaving me there to burn to death constitutes as leaving me to die,” you countered. He glared at you but you ignored it. You noticed Max’s eyes constantly moving between the two of you and you decided you’d get to the point of why you were here. “452, I’m here because word on the street is that you have a way of helping fellow transgenics like yourself.” You motioned towards 494. “I was hoping you might be able to help me as well.”

She looked taken aback. “I don’t have anything set up like that. As a matter of fact, Alec here only got the job because of Normal’s weird worship of him.” 494 gave her a smug smile which made her roll her eyes. “But as far as other transgenics go, I don’t really have anything in place to help like you’re thinking. Sorry.”

You nodded, figuring as much. You thought it had been unlikely but you had hoped anyway. All you could do now was remain on the run until you could find a place where you could seamlessly blend in. “Thank you for your time.”

“Just hold up a sec,” 494 entreated you, but you ignored him.

You turned to leave when Max’s voice stopped you. “Wait.” You glanced back and found her watching you, compassion twinkling in her eyes. “Maybe there’s something we can do.” She quickly glanced at 494 who was giving her a look. Max rolled her eyes at him but lifted her chin when addressing you. “I wouldn’t put you with this one because it sounds like you’ve been punished enough already.”

494 shot her a glare to which she only smirked. You couldn’t help but smile yourself; perhaps you would like this 452 after all. 

“But I think I have an idea of where you can stay. It’s temporary and you’d have a roommate, but we can see about getting you a job and getting you set up properly. Logan can help, too, with papers. If you’re serious and you plan to stay, that is.”

494 watched you intently. You thought it over for a moment. This proposal was better than anything you had going for you right now. Hell, you would have even stuck yourself with 494 again if it meant you’d have a place to sleep and something to eat, safe from Manticore for a while. You gave Max a nod. “Thank you.” To your surprise, 494 seemed to relax a bit at your response.

She smiled and turned, indicating you should follow. “You’ll be with Joshua for the time being. He’s pretty easy to get along with,” she assured you, her tone softening a bit. You could tell she was fond of the guy she was mentioning.

“Joshua?” You questioned, looking from her to 494.

494 stayed in step with you as you all made your way out onto the street. He shot you a smile as Max retrieved her bike. “You like dogs?”

Joshua did indeed turn out to be a decent roommate. He was kind and thoughtful and actually a little funny. Truthfully, you hadn’t been prepared to find a dogman as your new temporary roommate, but once you found out about his history, you found yourself feeling compassion for his situation. You were glad he had managed to escape the destruction of the base that night. 

Max kept her word and set you up with a job as a bike messenger at Jam Pony (apparently a couple of the girls 494 had been involved with decided to up and quit for some strange reason), which gave you access to all of the legal documentation you’d need to get past certain checkpoints in the city. She’d introduced you to her friends Original Cyndi and Sketchy, who would also turn out to be your coworkers. Normal viewed you as another hooligan he was forced to pay for standing around and not doing your job just like the rest, though despite his warped assertions, you actually did get your work done. You ended up going on runs with 494 and Max to get to know the ins and outs of the job. Outside of work, you kept your distance unless your help was needed. Max and OC had invited you to Crash a couple of times, but you bowed out, especially when Sketch seemed a little too invested in your joining them. You also met Logan and Asha, neither of whom you cared for very much; still, they were important to your fellow transgenics and Logan was helping you, so you kept your thoughts to yourself. All in all, you were settling into life in Seattle and beginning to blend in. And you avoided 494 like the Plague despite his couple of attempts to approach you and strike up a conversation, so everything was going pretty swell. 

You had even found a new place you liked to escape to every now and then. You knew the Space Needle was also Max’s favorite spot—she had told you as much—but after a long day, you liked to get to the highest point and look out over the city you now were beginning to call home. 

It was one such peaceful night when 494 found you.

“Thought I’d find you here.” He carefully lowered himself down next to you.

You didn’t respond and instead focused on the feel of the cool breeze gently blowing through your hair.

“I’m glad you made it out,” he admitted.

You shot him a look before returning your attention to the city. 

“I am.” He rested his forearms on his knees and looked out towards the city skyline. “I know what we had wasn’t of our making, but it wasn’t all horrible, was it?”

You let his question hang in the air. No, it hadn’t been all horrible, but it was still a messed up situation you both had been thrust into. Based on what you’d learned about his sessions with Max, copulation hadn’t needed to happen due to the background plan. You and 494 weren’t so lucky after a while, just like every other pair of breeding partners in the facility. By the time Max was recaptured and brought to the base, Renfro and company were already starting to side-eye the two of you and wanted to know how you hadn’t gotten pregnant yet. Almost every other pairing had been successful or reassigned if they weren’t; you were arousing too much suspicion by your constant failure to report an impregnation despite your successful copulations. The truth was that you and 494 did what you could to prevent it from happening. You had no desire to add to the ranks of Manticore transgenics and neither did he, something you both had been on the same page about since the first night you’d been thrown into a cell together.

You hadn’t fooled yourselves. This wasn’t about love or any attraction you had for one another, nor was it even a fun roll in the sheets; you both would not have chosen each other if you’d had a say in any of it. This was all about science and genetics, and it was purely clinical. That didn’t mean that there weren’t a few moments here and there that you snatched for yourselves: a laugh here, a tender moment there, a camaraderie forged between you in flipping off the organization that had created you and controlled you since your first breaths. So no, it wasn’t all horrible.

Which is why you didn’t protest or move away when you felt him subtly shift a little closer to you. You nearly smiled at the action; 494 had always sought a connection between you, something that superseded the physical. You couldn’t count the amount of times after your sessions that you had both held onto each other: you still remembered how he would wrap his arms around you and pull you close, letting out a content sigh as you ran your fingers through his sweaty hair, scratching at his scalp in the way you knew he liked. And he would make sure every inch of him was still touching you on the uncomfortable cot suspended from the wall, before the guards were due to come back and retrieve him. How he would chatter away about different subjects, doing his best to engage you.

“I went back for you,” he murmured.

Surprise ran through you as you turned wide eyes on him. 

“Once they revealed the base’s location and I was able to get free, I went back for you.” He stared at you, swallowing compulsively. “But by the time I got there, it was too late. I thought you were gone.”

You could see the truth of what he was saying in his green eyes, but you refused to give in that easily. You huffed out a snort and turned back to the view. “More like you were hoping.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him shaking his head. “I never wanted you gone.”

You ignored him and continued your ritual of observing the city, allowing silence to fall between you. Only when he slowly took your hand into his did you turn a glare on him and finally speak:  “I hate you, you realize that, right?”

“You have a weird way of showing that.” He nodded his head towards your intertwined fingers. 

You rolled your eyes but you didn’t pull away. “Don’t you have a harem to get back to? Or what’s her name…Asha? Now that you’re free to choose who you want to copulate with. You didn’t seem to have any issue finding willing partners before I showed up.”

This time, he was the one who snorted. “Just passing time.”

You finally did pull away, grimacing. “Ew.”

He let out a nervous-sounding laugh. “I just meant it’s all been casual. Nothing serious.”

You side-eyed him. “Good luck with that.” You got to your feet and were about to leave when he grabbed your hand to stop you, forcing you to look down at him.

“Y/N,” he murmured, using the name Max had picked out for you. It wasn’t your favorite, but you needed something to go on the paperwork for Jam Pony and the papers Logan was acquiring for you, so you figured it would do. Perhaps you’d even grow into it and it could be a decent identity for you.

“494?”

He shot you a glare. “Alec.”

Right. Max had named him, too. That was something he’d mentioned on one of the runs you, he, and Max had gone on. You had smirked at Max’s explanation of that choice while 494 had rolled his eyes.

“Okay then. Alec?” It felt weird to call him that yet at the same time…it felt like a good fit.

His thumb tenderly stroked against your skin and he watched you. “Just wanted to see how it sounded. Using our names instead.”

You nodded. You could understand that. All of this was new and…fragile in a way. Any moment you could be found, you could either be killed or worse — brought back to another base. However, from what you’d heard, the former was more likely to happen these days. Max had encouraged you to start thinking about what you wanted out of life, and so far, freedom was certainly at the top of your list. You might be free right now, but you weren’t really free, not with your captors still out there who viewed you as their property, to apprehend or destroy at will. You had a feeling that Alec knew that just as well as you did, no matter the optimistic picture Max tried to paint for Joshua or any other transgenics she might come across.

He tugged on your hand to urge you to sit back down next to him. You resisted for a moment but then decided to oblige. What did a few minutes more matter in the scheme of things? He snuck an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer. Had it been anyone else, that arm would have been ripped from its socket by now. 

Alec gave you a small smile and leaned down to press a kiss to your hair, flooding you with memories of every time he’d done just that. Other memories made appearances, too: his sharing with you about his side hustle of trading things with guards for certain comforts, something he actually used on your behalf a few times; his laugh and kiss to your head when both of you had gotten a little too much into one copulating session, almost making the two of you forget to take your usual precautions; his promise of getting you both out of there together if you could hold out just a little longer; his expression when he told you that he thought Renfro had a mission for him that would keep him out of your barracks for the next few nights but that he’d do his best to see it through quickly and return; the last time you’d seen him when he’d exchanged a look with you across the yard before you and your unit were led away for more drills and testing, you thinking back to the worry you’d seen in his expression and since you didn’t know the cause, it created your own set of worries — 494 never let it show if he was ever worried or scared. 

You weren’t sure how to feel about any of this. Yes, you and Alec had history but it had been forced upon you. Although you had forged some sort of connection during it all, it didn't mean that either of you were looking to continue that or see where it went on the outside—especially now that you were able to choose for yourselves. Still, that connection hadn’t simply ceased to exist just because you wished it would… Especially not when he was trying his damndest to restore some piece of it, right here and right now.

He lowered his head to meet your eyes and you could feel something familiar inside your chest squeezing a little bit. You told yourself that it had to be heartburn from the chicken stew you’d eaten for dinner earlier, and not anything to do with him at all. “I’ve missed this,” he quietly admitted. “Just talking and being together. Didn’t you?”

You gave him a look of disbelief mixed with amusement. “I don’t really think we did all that much talking as I remember it.”

That cocky smirk of his was back. “True.” 

You rolled your eyes and he laughed. You enjoyed the familiar sound that caused more memories to wash over you. You would never admit it but the bond you’d shared had actually been the only good thing to sustain you when you were running after the explosion. You’d hoped that wherever he was, he had gotten away and was safe. You knew he hadn’t been in his barracks; you’d checked amidst the chaos. 

Thinking back to that night, you rested your head back against his shoulder and stared out into the night. His lips tipped up in a small smile and he laid his head up against yours, following your gaze. You both stayed like that for the next hour until he murmured to you, “Come back with me?”

You turned to frown up at him. Was he for real? “Really?”

“No, not that, I just meant…” He ran his free hand over his hair. “I didn’t think I’d see you again and now you’re here. I didn’t really know how to ask you before without it sounding like that. But I want to show you my place.” He gave you a bit of a proud smile.

You considered it. It would be interesting to see what kind of setup he had going for himself. That had been something you had talked about back in your bunk at the base as he held you to him, his hands roaming your bare back. “You sure Alec’s groupies won’t mind?”

Alec smirked and shook his head. “I don’t have any roommates or regular visitors if that’s what you’re asking.”

You smirked right back and leaned in, making his eyes drop to your lips. “I wasn’t,” you whispered before dropping his hand and getting to your feet. 

He got up as well, grinning over at you, that familiar fire lighting those sharp green eyes. “Just think: no guards to bribe, no need to keep it down, no time limit, no metal cot we both have to try to fit on…”

You snorted. “So you really are asking me to go back with you for that reason.”

“No, I really do want to show you the sweet setup I have.” His smile then turned wicked. “But if that were to happen, I wouldn’t exactly be against it.”

“Uh-huh.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms, looking away from him. You did your best to hide your own smile when he wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his lips near your ear.

“So what do you say? Let me show you my apartment. I got a couch, a bed, a tub…”  

“Ooh, a tub?” You pretended to be impressed though you weren’t pretending too much. If a tub was considered a luxury before the world went to hell, then it was an even rarer commodity now. 

“Yep,” he huskily whispered as he brushed a kiss to your ear lobe. “All the hot water and soap you could want.” He trailed his lips down your neck, making your eyes shut halfway. “And I’ve got glasses, plates, a coffee table… I even have a stereo.”

You dug your teeth into your bottom lip when he found that spot on your neck that he knew you loved. “A stereo?”

“For music,” he explained, pressing a kiss to your jawline. “And I even managed to score some whiskey from years back, pre-pulse. You’ll love it,” he promised before nuzzling your cheek. “Come home with me.”   

You stared out over the horizon, unsure if you should give in to what he was tempting you with. Before, at Manticore, the sex had been clinical and while there was a connection between you, given the circumstances, it made sense to stick together like glue. But now… “I don’t know if I should. We’re out now and everything’s changed.”

He spun you in his arms, his brows furrowed as he cupped your face with his hands. “Not for me. I meant what I said to you in there, we were gonna get out together, find some place to blend in, and make it work.”

“But we didn’t get out together,” you whispered, gently removing his hands from you before stepping around him towards the door. 

He grabbed your hand. “Y/N.” You glanced back at his earnest expression. “I did come back for you. When everything exploded and I didn’t hear or see any trace of you, I thought—”

“I know. I went to look for you, too, once I managed to get out of my barracks.” His eyes widened slightly in surprise. “That guard, Hayes, he let me out. He said something about a deal you had in place with him if things went wrong while you were away on your mission.” You dropped your gaze. “It must’ve really cost you, so… Thanks for that.” You squeezed his hand before letting it go and making your way inside the abandoned building.   

You didn’t look back; there was no point. When you thought back to that night, you remembered Hayes sneering at you as he opened your cell door, spitting something about telling 494 that he owed him something better than cigars and the usual contraband this time. You didn’t bother thanking the man who treated you and every other transgenic on the base as nothing more than freak science experiments that were less than human, and you booked it towards the male barracks, fighting your way through when you needed to. You would never forget the relief you felt finding the specific bunk you were looking for empty, that was then followed by the feeling of betrayal, which quickly shifted into acceptance. You hoped he was alive out there somewhere, whether he had made it out before you got there or he had already been out in the world on his mission. You had chalked up your time together as a weird yet not so bad interaction and kept running. You’d even seen Hayes’ dead body on your way out, his throat torn apart, almost as if that too was closing the book on this messed up chapter of your life.

And that’s what you’d done: closed that chapter of your life and attempted to move on, to do what you could to figure out your own life. You never expected to see 494 again, let alone find him living his life, a harem of women around him. It had stuck a finger into that particular wound for a moment before the blanket acceptance was back in place. Your relationship was exactly as you’d thought it had been for both of you: something that had been forced upon you by your creators and you both had tried to make something good out of it (just not the child Manticore had wanted). And now, it was over. You both were on the outside and it was time for you both to go your separate ways, figuratively if not literally. He’d done right by you in that last moment and you’d escaped, gotten free, and lived. What more could you ask for?

You were just about to scale down to the next level when his hand landed on your shoulder, making you look back at him.

“Y/N, come back with me to my place. I want to show you something.”

You gave him a look. “494—”

“Alec,” he corrected. “I’m not talking about sex, though if you wanted that at some point, like I said, I’m more than willing.” He lifted his hand to cup your cheek and he stared into your eyes, willing you to agree. “I really want to show you something.” 

His thumb tenderly ran along your bottom lip in a familiar gesture that had always preceded a kiss before he left you for the night. A part of you hoped he would repeat the action but when he didn’t, you were more relieved than anything. Your body yearned for his—the familiarity, the comfort—but you still didn’t think you should fall back into old habits—it could only end badly, whether he ended up getting bored or one of you (or both) were found by your enemies. You felt incredibly torn. Truthfully, you weren’t quite sure what you wanted when it came to him. 

“Please,” he added. “Come over.”

He looked so determined, so earnest, that you found yourself slowly nodding in agreement. 

His handsome face lit up with a bright smile. “I promise, you’re really gonna like it.” He urged you to follow him, scaling to the next level down with you right behind him. You hoped he was right, and you also hoped you would finally get some sort of answer for yourself on whether to explore this new great unknown with him with the former Emerald City as the backdrop in contrast to your cramped cell or to close the book on him for good.

You had to admit, Alec had a nice apartment. It was bigger than you’d imagined and he had told you the truth: he had glasses, plates, a coffee table, a couch, a bed, a tub, the so-called stereo (which he turned on for a minute to show you how it worked), and the whiskey he’d promised. As you drank from your glass, marveling at the taste, you glanced around, nodding.

“Nice,” you complimented.

“Thanks.” He took your hand and led you to a corner of the living room where a box sat tall on some sort of stand. He released you to go over and stand next to it, turning to beam over at you. “What do you think?”

Your eyes roved over the box with a glass front, confused. “It’s…great?”

He gave you a look as if you should know what it was before smiling wide again. “It’s a TV,” he crowed. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “TV?”

“Yeah, you know, to watch movies and TV shows, that kind of thing.” 

You peered at it, wondering just how it worked. You’d heard of movies of course, but you’d never seen one. Did the images just appear on the glass when you turned it on? Was there something that needed to be selected or perhaps inserted somewhere?

He proudly laid a hand on top of it. “I managed to get ahold of it after one of my customers I’ve been selling synthetics to heard about some old lady dying nearby who had one. I headed right over to her place and got this beauty.” He smiled down at it. 

“You’ve been selling synthetics?” Of course he was still hustling, even out here. In Manticore, it had been a necessity; out here, if it helped him get nice digs like this and set him up, you had to give him credit for keeping it going and getting creative.

“Among other things. Oh, and look.” He gestured down to another smaller box sitting in front of it. “I was also able to get a VCR. It took me a few months to get a lead on one of these, but I got it.” He chuckled and turned a wide smile on you. 

You returned the smile, still unsure of what a VCR was.

“And the best part,” He took your glass from you and placed it on top of the TV before he grabbed something from behind it and shoved it into your hands. You looked down at the rectangular object and spied a familiar image you had only seen once before, when you were on the run from Manticore the first time. Your eyes widened; something you had told Alec about one night after copulating a few times and he was falling asleep, him tiredly rubbing your shoulder as you laid your head on his chest, one of the nights he’d bought more time for you both… The sight made the corners of your eyes sting, yet you forced yourself to keep the tears at bay. He had heard you that night even while nodding off and he’d— he’d managed to get his hands on it. “It’s that movie you told me about,” he began. “It’s—”

“--A Wonderful Life,” you finished in an awed whisper. You reverently traced the picture you’d seen a hundred times before Manticore caught you. You ignored the rips and stains surrounding the rim of the image and focused on the man who’d caught your interest in the first place. He looked happy, staring down at his wife, the two of them surrounded by their children, one hoisted up behind him and holding onto him for dear life. They all looked happy, which was something you’d never had or known. You’d never had a father, never knew your mother, and you’d never had a family, not like the one portrayed in the picture. Sure, you had dozens of brothers and sisters, but you weren’t a family. Manticore would punish you if any of you had even uttered the word. You were soldiers in training and that was it.

Still, this image piqued your interest and many nights, you found that you couldn’t stop staring at it. It was in an old theater, a place you’d managed to find while running the first time—the same place you took shelter in and eventually turned it into your own setup. There were other people throughout the theater who’d had the same idea, but they pretty much left you alone once you’d fought off the biggest guy in the group who had stupidly tried to take your food from you. Once you’d seen that poster, it created a yearning in you for something you had never known, something you never imagined wanting. You didn’t need parents and you didn’t need siblings, but you did crave family… Something that became more and more apparent the more you studied the image, imagining what that life would be like. 

Which is why it was so cruel when Manticore recaptured you and immediately thrust you into its breeding program. Not only had they taken your life from you since conception, viewed you as their property that they were determined to see some sort of return of their investment on—now they wanted to take whatever life you could create from you and control it, too. You weren’t going to let that happen. As a matter of fact, you’d fought 494 off the first night they sent him into your cell. It had taken him by surprise because he’d thought you both were on the same page: you had orders. But he’d quickly learned that you’d rather die than follow those particular ones. He’d maintained his distance until a guard came to retrieve him, and as he’d glanced back at you one last time as he stepped across the threshold, you knew then that you were marked for death. A soldier refusing to obey and follow orders was no good to the organization and more importantly, of no use. Thus, it took you by surprise the next day when 494 confirmed the success of your copulation the previous night to your superiors which led to him being brought back to your cell later that night to continue.

From there, even though it took a little bit, you’d both talked and began getting to know one another. You’d learned that he didn’t want to spawn any kids for Manticore anymore than you did. Eventually, a bond began to form between you and of course, so did an attraction. The night you got hit with your first heat since being recaptured—thanks to a splash of feline DNA in your system, something you’d always been able to manage on the outside before—things had changed between you, and 494 no longer had to lie when reporting that copulation had been successful. Nonetheless, the entire time you’d been back in Manticore’s hands, you’d never forgotten about that picture and what you truly wanted: your freedom, a life, and eventually, family—happiness. You wanted to be happy just like the people in the poster.

And now here you were: on the outside, free for the moment, attempting to build a life, and this picture had somehow made its way back to you, right into your very hands, real enough to literally touch. “How did you get it?”

“One of Max’s fences gave me a line on where I could find one.”

You glanced up to find him watching you intently. You gave him a small grateful smile and you could see relief flood through his expression before he covered it with a smile of his own.

He cleared his throat. “I got it before you showed up, but…I never watched it. I couldn’t bring myself to. It felt wrong to watch it without you, especially after how you talked about it, so it’s been sitting in that case for months. I hope it still works.” He let out in a quiet chuckle.

You placed the box down on top of the TV and approached him. He watched as you cupped his face with your hands and pulled him down to you, your lips meeting for the first time since seeing him again. That all-too familiar feeling flooded you and this time, you didn’t fight the smile that made its way to your face. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” This time, he was the one initiating a kiss, and he snaked his arms around your waist, pulling you into him.

Only when you both needed air and he pulled away to trail kisses down to your neck did you tease into his ear, “So exactly how many girls have you shown this movie to?”

“None,” he breathed, nibbling on your earlobe. “I told you, I didn’t want to watch it without you.”

“You expect me to believe that you haven’t shown the TV or the VCR to any other girls?” You chuckled.

He pulled back to meet your eyes. “Okay, yeah, fair enough, I’ve shown them both of those, but not that movie, I swear. That was always yours.”

You knew you should be disgusted—not only that he had been such a callous player in your absence but also because he had used similar moves on you—but right then, you decided to throw all caution to the wind, even if just for one night. Seeing the movie picture again had reminded you that you needed to take happiness wherever you could find it, because thanks to your life, who knew how much longer you had? 

“So,” you whispered huskily as you ran your fingers through his hair. “What were you saying about a bed and no time limit…?”

His eyes lit up with that familiar fire and he smirked. “Oh, hell yes.” He kissed you harder than before and picked you up, making you laugh into his mouth, as he used his transgenic speed to get you to the bedroom. 

You watched the images on the screen in awe. You and Alec were sharing a blanket to keep your nude bodies warm as you sat in his embrace, the only light in the place coming from the TV. He had his chin resting on your bare shoulder, watching the movie intently with you. The man from the movie poster, George, was telling the woman, Mary, how he was going to travel the world and he was listing off his dreams right before she threw a rock at the abandoned house they were facing. When they started singing, Alec began to frown, but you? You were completely enraptured. You’d never seen or heard anything like this before. 

In the beginning, the tape had seemed like it didn’t want to work, black and white tears in the image as it played, but thankfully Alec knew what he was doing with the equipment and how to get it working. Ever since then, your eyes hadn’t strayed from the screen once, even when Alec had tried to get a second round going, promising you he could pause the film and you could finish watching it later. When he’d failed to garner your attention, he’d pressed a kiss to the back of your head and settled behind you, letting out a quiet sigh of contentment as he’d burrowed into your neck before rejoining you in watching the movie.

When George told Mary that he’d give her the moon, Alec rolled his eyes and dropped a kiss onto your skin. “That’s lame,” he muttered.

You turned to look at him. “Why? Because he wants to give her anything she wants?”

“No. Because he’s going to lasso the moon. Lasso the moon? Really?”

You laughed and he smiled, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “Alright, sure, it’s cheesy, but the message isn’t.”

“It’s not?” Alec moved to kiss your ear.

“No. He likes her that much, he’d do anything for her. Kind of nice actually,” you ended in a whisper as you turned back to the screen. You let out a soft chuckle when the old man interrupted the couple and told George that he talked too much and he should kiss Mary already.

Alec, who had glanced back at the screen to watch that part of the scene, turned an affectionate smile on you before leaning in to nuzzle your cheek. “Stay here tonight,” he urged.

Your eyelids dropped halfway when he moved his lips to your neck and you dug your teeth into your bottom lip. “I can’t. Joshua will be worried.”

“The big guy will be just fine, trust me,” he promised, his lips gliding back to your shoulder. “I want you to stay.”

You thought it over. You both had reacquainted yourselves earlier quite nicely so that wasn’t an issue. Just like Alec had said, it had been amazing to be in a bed for once, not under the pressure of a timeclock or having to worry about prying eyes and listening ears milling around. You didn’t have to separate soon after you were finished if the guards Alec usually bribed weren’t on shift that night. Here, you were free to just be and let things take their own course and that had been a phenomenal feeling. As for what came next… you weren’t too sure about that. You hadn’t done a lot of talking since Alec carried you into his bedroom and playfully dropped you on the bed, knowing it wouldn’t hurt you. You had let out an incredulous laugh and he mirrored your grin before he’d been all over you.

You watched as he pressed tender kisses to your bare skin before glancing up at you hopefully. You took his face into your hand and he leaned into your touch. Seeing that, you decided to state your one condition if he truly wanted you to stay. “No more girls.” You refused to look away as you threw down that gauntlet. While he never said he wanted anything more than tonight with you, you needed him to know that if this did somehow go past that, you wouldn’t be wondering just who he had in his bed or on his couch a few hours before you would arrive at his front door. Or who he might bring back to this apartment to show his TV and VCR to. 

He stared at you for a moment until the corner of his lips tipped up into a bit of a smug smile. “No more girls,” he agreed.

You tilted your head at him, studying his expression.

“What?” He laughed. 

“Just like that?”

Alec’s smile grew and he leaned in to place a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Just like that.” You weren’t the least bit surprised when he suddenly turned you around in his arms to face him, one hand keeping the blanket over you, cocooning you both. He wiggled his eyebrows playfully at you before covering both of your heads with the blanket and leaning in for the kill.

“What about the movie?” You laughed as he began to kiss your neck.

“That’s the great thing about tapes. We can watch it again anytime we want,” he murmured, his hands starting to roam your body insistently.

“So we can watch the lasso the moon part again?” You teased.

He groaned into your neck, making you laugh. “Yeah, we can, if that’s what you want,” he grumbled, sounding like he was going to majorly suffer when you watched it again.

You pulled back, smiling, and cupped his face. “I want you,” you told him earnestly. And you did. You wanted more nights with him like this, you wanted what you two had managed to create back in your cell. Studying him now, you could see the man who had become almost everything to you back then, who’d kept you going during the rough moments, who ended up looking out for you even though he usually lived by the unwritten rule of only ever looking out for himself.  

His eyes stared into yours and a small smile began to form on his face. “Then stay,” he urged.

You pretended to think over it for a minute and when you grinned over at him, his smile was already mirroring yours. “Okay,” you answered playfully, as if he had only posed a simple question like asking you if you wanted a drink or not. You moved up to kiss him and bury your fingers in his disheveled hair. “No lassoing the moon required,” you murmured to his lips.

He rolled his eyes and quickly maneuvered you onto your back with him right on top of you. He smirked down at you, leaning in to kiss you. “I’ll give you something better than the damn moon,” he mumbled into your mouth, making you laugh. 

You didn’t want the moon or the stars (except the ones Alec made you see exploding behind your eyelids from time to time) or anything else that grand. What you wanted was simple: everything right here in front of you at this moment. A life that was your own, a job that helped keep money coming in, a roof over your head that offered protection from the cold, the wet, and intruders, while offering you a safe space to rest your head at night; food in your stomach, clothes that fit, and the feelings that coursed through you every time Alec kissed you.

Post-pulse Seattle might not be Bedford Falls and you might not be George Bailey or even Mary for that matter, but you were free, you were building a life, and you were happy. And someday, if you lived long enough, you might even get that family you’d been yearning for. From the look of things, between Joshua, Max, and now Alec, you were hopefully already starting to form something akin to the idea. And really, what more could you ask for?

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[violentdelightsproductions]

Jensen Ackles Appreciation Week 2023!

Feb 23: TV show & movie roles

Our personal Top 5 ♥

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

Alec McDowell (X5-494)- Dark Angel

Soldier Boy - The Boys

Tom Hanniger - My Bloody Valentine 3D

Priestly - Ten Inch Hero

[destielshippingnews]

Edvard's Supernatural Guide 2x03 Bloodlust

2x03 Bloodlust is the second episode in what some people have called the ‘Dark Dean Arc’, i.e. the three episodes following John’s death. Dean deals with his bereavement and the burden John placed on him in a self-destructive and sometimes frightening manner. I referred to episodes 2x03 and 2x04 in my previous review, saying that it was not until these two episodes that the severity of Dean’s distress and loss is visible. While I do not think that his behaviour itself is quite as worrisome and bad as some make it out to be, it is definitely indicative of a seriously troubled mind and an ailing spirit.

As for Sam, Sera Gamble shows she really is a Samgirl. She is very keen to present him as the morally upstanding counterpart to Dean’s brutish barbarity, the saint to Dean’s sinner, the Brain to Dean’s Pinky. This heavy bias was less apparent in series 1 when she wrote with Raelle Tucker on 1x12 Faith and 1x21 Salvation, but without her writing partner nothing holds her back. The reverse is true of Raelle Tucker’s solo work, as 2x20 What Is and What Should Never Be shows, but she does not take Sam to such an extreme as Sera Gamble does. She also does not seem to dislike Sam, which cannot be said of Gamble and Dean, but that is a story for another time.

First things first: look at his wee little outfit! (And look at him check that guy out.)

On to the episode, and this one is about vampires, the creatures who were supposedly almost wiped out but have now appeared twice within a space of six episodes. I will have less to say on the subject of vampires in this episode than I did in my review of 1x20 Dead Man’s Blood because I have already said most of it, but one thing worth bearing in mind is that this episode aired about three years before the Twilight films were released. Perhaps Gamble and Tucker had read the books and were intrigued by the idea of ‘vegetarian’ vampires (this would make since given how much Gamble’s writing in e.g. 2x17 Heart resembles soap opera melodrama), but at the time of the episode’s release this was definitely unusual in the vampire genre, Louis in Interview with the Vampire notwithstanding.

Speaking of vampires, the cold open of the episode shows a woman (later revealed to be a vampire) running away from a dark figure in the woods at night, only to end up beheaded on screen just before title card. The viewer is supposed to identify with the woman, because she is a woman running scared and we have seen this same scene in umpteen horror films. We are of course supposed to empathise with her, and her death is supposed to shock us and show us that the monster is monstrous. It is interesting that the ‘monster’ in the show is actually a human, and the victim a monster. This is the first time the show has really introduced this idea that monsters can be victims and the hunters can be the bad guys. It is relevant because Sam is on the road to becoming a ‘monster’ and John has burdened Dean with becoming the one to hunt and kill him. Who, in that situation, would be the real monster and who the hero?

This episode does not provide absolute answers, but instead focuses on grey area and nuance. But more on that later. First, context for those who do not remember the episode:

Reports of what appears to be cattle mutilations and exsanguinations draw Dean and Sam to investigate a case in northern Montana. The sceptical sheriff acts a bit shifty and appears to wilfully misinterpret Dean and Sam’s intentions with the case. They said clearly that the cattle mutilations could possible be a Satanic ritual, but the sheriff misconstrues this as them thinking Satan did it. Having been on the internet as long as I have, I have grown exceedingly accustomed to interacting with people with the reading comprehension capabilities of a cauliflower, but this took the biscuit.

It turns out that the cattle killings actually WERE Dean and Sam’s kind of case, but the cause was vampires who did not drink human blood, subsisting instead by exsanguinating livestock. A hunter named Gordon is killing the vampires on principle of them being vampires, disregarding their rejection of human blood. Dean is drawn over to Gordon’s way of thinking due to several reasons, but is eventually forced to change his stance and fight Gordon when he sees how much lead vampire Lenore fights against her vampiric nature. Gordon loses the fight, the vampires escape, and the episode ends.

Note the name of the newspaper Dean and Sam claim to be reporters for: World Weekly News. This is an actual newspaper which is referred to on various occasions throughout the run of the show, and which has featured at least one faux-article on Dean and Sam. It will be referenced again in episode 2x15 Tall Tales, the episode where a young man is repeatedly raped and we are supposed to laugh at it because a) he is a man and b) he ‘deserved it’. Would we be invited to laugh at The Trickster conjuring an ‘alien’ to ‘probe’ a young woman who ‘deserved it’? I think not.

Note also that Dean is the ‘stupid’ brother in the sheriff’s office and cannot remember the name of the newspaper. Yes, this is most certainly a Sera Gamble episode. Give me strength...

How adorable was it, by the way, when fanzines and faux-articles still existed? I saw a Smallville magazine from 2004 for sale on eBay, and searched my soul for whether I was willing to pay £24 plus p+p for a two-page spread about Jason Teague… As for the question ‘Why did Jason Teague go so bad?’, the answer is ‘because the writers of Smallville make the writing of Supernatural look competent’.

And back to the show…

Returning to the opening of the episode proper, what might be obvious to the viewer is how Dean’s mood is drastically different at the beginning of this episode than it was at the end of 2x02 Everybody Loves a Clown. A few weeks, perhaps a month or two, has clearly passed since Dean played whack-a-mole on the boot of his car. Now it is in perfect working order, and Dean’s mask appears to be very tightly on. He seems normal, chipper even, something which Sam feels it necessary to make a redundant conversation about. Is this what normal humans do? Constantly comment on people’s emotional state? I would feel like I am in a panopticon or something. Just let it go, Sam: not everything needs to be a conversation just because you constantly roll a Nat 0 on perception.

This scene is one of few scenes in the show where I can see both Jared AND Jensen acting, but the fault is not in their work, but rather the fact it is obvious the car is not actually moving at all. Instead, it is in front of giant but very convincing screens playing landscape scenes to look like the view from a speeding car. The car itself does not look like it is moving, however, so Dean’s hands on the wheel look strange and fake. Most people will not have noticed it, though, but I am cursed with knowledge.

Now that those who have forgotten have the necessary context, are up to speed, I can get onto the interesting part of the analysis. The main thematic takeaway from 2x03 Bloodlust is better understood as an informed viewer. Upon my first watch of this episode just after Christmas about 12-13 years ago, it did not stand out. I liked seeing Amber Benson on screen again but the story did nothing to interest me.

Knowing where the show is going makes a vital difference, though. Dean knows he might one day have to kill Sam because of Sam’s psychic powers, and is torn between two sides of himself – here manifested as Lenore and Gordon. Gordon is a weltanschauung of moral absolutes, whereas Lenore is nuance. Gordon is an extreme exaggeration of archetypal masculine traits – control, order and stasis. He is not interested in any shades of grey regarding monsters. They are not human, they are a danger, and so must be killed. In contrast, Lenore is a touch of the archetypal feminine – change and unpredictability. The vampires diverged from their inherent nature, electing to not be controlled by it so they can live in peace. This is analogous to the conflict in Dean; Sam could become a monster, and as a monster he will be a danger and must be killed. But can Sam overcome his nature and live in peace?

To add further layers to this, Gordon the human is the one who behaves like a monster, whereas Lenore and Eli act positively human and sympathetic. As Glory is a representation of the monster Buffy fears she will have to become if she fully embraces her slayer calling, so too is Gordon a representation of the monster Dean will have to become to kill Sam. Contrasted with this is the mirror of Lenore who is a ‘monster’ fighting her hardest to be ‘good’, as Sam might if he becomes a ‘monster’. What this is telling the informed viewer is that, in this situation, Dean might become the true monster.

Dean’s ‘flirtation’ (here not intended with sexual implications) with Gordon is Dean walking the path of deadening himself to his love for Sam, thereby learning to numb himself and dehumanise his brother in order that he may one day be capable of killing him. Gordon is a reflection of a part of Dean, and Gordon clearly says of monsters “They’re not human”, the unspoken denouement thereto being “...they’re monsters, so it’s necessary and good to kill them.” Dean intended wholeheartedly to kill Lenore because she is not human, and therefore a monster.

Lenore is also polysemetic mirror of both Sam’s future and Dean’s hesitation. As Lenore does not want to give in to her monstrous tendencies and become the thing Dean wants to kill, Dean does not want to give into his own monstrous urges and become something he will hate. The struggle is overwhelmingly hard for both, but it is one both are determined to fight at the end.

And as for Evil!Dean… well, not for the last time, but three words come to mind. Such potential, Supernatural.

Having discussed ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ here, I did not intend to conclude anything as banal and trite as ‘the feminine defeated the destructive masculine’ because 1) I do not have time for that nonsense and 2) the exaggerated masculine archetype in Dean was intentionally overblown. It would need to be if a brother were forced to numb himself to future fratricide. The conclusion of the episode sees Dean fight Gordon, the monster he is afraid of becoming. The fight ends in Dean overcoming Gordon and tying him up, with Gordon defeated and silent.

Dean’s apology afterwards accompanied by his acknowledgement of the nuance can be read with more nuance than simplistic gender politics. Rather, there is a hint that equilibrium is being restored within Dean; the archetypal masculine is very much alive and well in him, but it is no longer as overwrought and negatively exaggerated as it was.

That just about does it for abstract, metaphorical analysis for this episode, but plenty remains for me to discuss more generally. One of them is Dean and Gordon’s relationship. Last episode, I mentioned Paula R. Stiles’s comment that Dean befriends people who turn out to be monsters. In 2x02 Everybody Loves a Clown, it was the blind man who was the rakshasa, and in this episode it is Gordon.

Their bond was based on trauma-bonding and a mutual experience of enacting violence on monsters. Gordon shared the story of his sister being bitten by a vampire, with the twist being that he found and killed his sister (or it would be a twist if that were not Gunn’s story in Angel, and similar to the abduction of Mulder’s sister in The X-Files). Dean actually felt comfortable opening up to Gordon about John’s death and how much he was struggling. Dean said he could not talk to Sam about those things I said last episode. In addition to everything I said there, Dean also has to be the parentalised big brother figure who keeps it together for Sam’s benefit.

Dean’s recent bereavement was almost definitely a contributing factor in his alliance with Gordon. Gordon did not doubt himself or his morals, and he provided Dean with an illusion of surety and clarity. Dean needed this after losing his dad, especially considering the burden of killing Sam. For the last few weeks or months, Dean has been scared, angry, lonely, doubtful, and grieving without anybody to support or help him. Then along comes Gordon who deals in absolutes and certainties. This would of course be an attractive chance to feel in control for Dean, so it is completely natural he cleaved to Gordon in spite of Sam’s warnings.

Having said ’bond’, ’attractive’ and ’cleave to’, some readers might be under the impression I saw romantic and/or sexual subtext between Dean and Gordon. I did not. The only male characters I have really seen Dean have romantic and sexual subtext with are Castiel, Lee (15x07), and the guy at the beginning of 6x01 Exile on Main Street who had been buying Dean beers for the last year. I do not see anything more than a ’brotherhood’ between Dean and Benny, nothing sexual at all between Dean and Henriksen in their five minutes of shared screen-time, and nothing between Dean and Ketch. I have been on the internet long enough to have seen all these pairings, but only Dean/Cas and Dean/Lee seem valid to me. I am not the arbiter of whom Dean did or did not pork or get porked by, but I am a man attracted to men and I just do not see it. And Benny calls Dean ’brother’ far too often for their bond to be sexual.

Returning to Gordon providing Dean with a clear direction and course of action, Sam is right to note that perhaps Gordon is an ersatz father for Dean, though Sam is perhaps wrong to claim Gordon is nowhere near as good a hunter as John. As far as I can tell, John and Gordon are quite a bit alike: other hunters eschew them, they think in black and white, and they are dangerous to be around.

Sam really should not have said anything about Dean and John in the car park scene, especially not when Dean was clearly so riled up by Sam’s pestering. The punch should not have happened, but given Sam’s incessant mithering and snapping in the previous episode, and his patronising, gauche attempt to psychoanalyse Dean in a motel car park, it is not surprising that Sam’s continued, whiney nagging ends with his face colliding with Dean’s fist at high velocity. ’You slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it.” Well done, Mr Big Smart-Smart. At least you did not try the sanctimonious act again and claim Dean was insulting John’s memory to try to shame him about making a friend who is not Sam. Oh wait...

People who read my analysis of the previous episode might remember this quote:

[Sam] is a yapping chihuahua who has not learnt that yapping at a German Shepherd is a sure way to get a giant paw in your face.

And what do you know, the yappy dog finally got a paw in his face.

Whilst on this subject, it bears mentioning that Dean and Sam are adult brothers of roughly equal physical build, height, and strength. Neither has any (inherent) power over the other in their relationship, because being brothers is an equal relationship, at least in theory. I have laid into John due to the likelihood he used physical violence with poco!Dean, and held Dean hostage in a mentally, physically, and possibly sexually abusive father-son relationship. John had inherent power in that relationship, being the one in power over his son. He misused that power in many ways, and Dean’s lack of self-esteem, his self-destructive and suicidal tendencies etc are the natural result of this, as is his erstwhile obedience to John.

Some people critical of Dean like to claim that Dean is an abusive older brother, and I have referred to this line of criticism before. Evidence such criticism cites is the fact that Dean punches Sam on a few occasions in the show, and a tiny number of comments can be construed as implying Dean was a physically-abusive older brother to Sam. One such line appears in this episode shortly before said punch. In the pub after Dean beheads the vampire with the chainsaw, Sam gets all uppity and sanctimonious about decapitations not being his idea of a god time, then decides to leave Dean and Gordon alone while he returns to the hotel. As Sam makes his exit, Dean says “Sammy, remind me to beat that buzzkill out of you later, alright?”

This line has been taken to support interpretations that Dean is to Sam what John was to Dean. In their defence, this is something taken directly from the text, but that is the only defence I can offer them: one would have to think that characters always mean what they say and say what they mean in every single situation to think this supports such an interpretation. Yes, Dean says this, but does Sam act around Dean the way Dean acts around John? Does Sam act like Dean uses violence or the threat thereof to control Sam? Does Sam act like a battered husband around Dean?

Quite simply: no. In fact, as I have written many times, Sam is the narcissistic abuser and Dean is the co-dependent abused. ...Who occasionally punches when provoked. Dean’s punch was not part of a pattern of physically-abusive behaviour to control or terrorise Sam. It was just douchey behaviour from a pissed-off brother who appeared to expect Sam to punch him right back. To Dean’s credit, he looked ashamed of himself afterwards... which he should, see above RE: douchey behaviour. If Sam had punched him back, he would have deserved it.

Editor’s note: Remember Sam shooting Dean twice in 1x10 Asylum and never once apologising properly? I remember. Carry on, Dean. Additional editor's note: Dean did take on a huge part of the role of raising Sam, so their relationship is not simply two brothers. However, the show has shown us time and time again that Dean has no authority over Sam, and Sam does not treat Dean like an authority figure or a parent. It is notable that Sam did not punch Dean back here, even though he could have. I will have a bit more to say on this next episode, but I still think what I said a few lines ago: it was douchey, angry, riled-up brother behaviour.

To be fair to Sam, he WAS also trying to talk sense into Dean, and Dean needed somebody to do that, just not in the way Sam was going about it. ’Friendship’ with Gordon is easy for Dean because he is familiar as well as absolute: he shares many traits with John, but also with Dean. Dean is a ’good guy’, but he has an incredible propensity for violence and death and does not always do what a good guy’ should. He is heroic, but not a HeroTM. He is not a psychopath like Gordon, but he finds it easy to relate to people who are. Sam tried to be a counterbalance to this, but failed.

A quote from Paula Stiles:

Because they’re polar opposites, Sam and Gordon need a tie-breaker and that ostrich feather on Osiris’ scales is, naturally, Dean. Dean is the prize over which Sam and Gordon viciously fight to the death (that demon blood thing later on? Just a distraction). It would be easy to argue that’s because Dean’s so awesome and that’s…sort of…true. That is to say, both Sam and Gordon are loners and outcasts who have both only found one real connection (though Sam did have Jessica and Gordon did have his sister, once), that connection being the one hunter who’s even more of a freak than they are (and therefore, won’t reject them). But Dean, freak or not, can only have one BFF at this point in the series and so, Sam and Gordon have to duke it out.

But perhaps the bigger reason why this conflict, or triangle, or what-have-you is so effective is because Dean is the swing voter in Sam and Gordon’s moral war. Tolerance or intolerance? Relativism or absolutism? Dean waffles between the two, balancing on that knife’s bloody edge, which makes him the perfect target for campaigning from both sides. Who will win the war for his heart and soul (and isn’t it an irony that he ends up going his own way after all that?).

Gordon was absolutely lusting after Dean trying to win Dean over to his side of the force. First he encouraged Dean’s despair, then tried to separate him from Sam (”Doesn’t seem like your brother’s much like us.”) This is a tactic used by abusers who want to isolate their victim, and it is telling that Dean apparently is so vulnerable to such manipulation by people he identifies with or cares for. After all, he has known little else than being controlled by a man not too different than Gordon. This manipulation is so powerful that Sam’s (lamentably poor) attempts at getting through to Dean with the nuance of ’the vamps aren’t killing people’ falls on deaf ears, or perhaps deafened ears.

As for the other star of the episode whom I have barely mentioned, Lenore also played a critical role in getting through to Dean. Other than Dean’s abject disgust at Gordon’s treatment (torture) of her, apparently for his own amusement (or misogynistic vindication, as Paula R. Stiles suggests), her staunch refusal to give in sways Dean away from the dark side of the force to the ...well, not the light side, really. Dean is definitely a Sith, but he is far from evil (Remember: the Star Wars films are Jedi propaganda). To avoid paraphrasing or Heaven forbid plagiarising her work, I will take a snippet from Paula Stiles’s analysis again:

But I should note that, despite the pretty-brutal misogyny that Gordon brings to the table (the murder of his sister is clearly cast as a sort of honour killing) and the way he treats Lenore, it would be missing the point to see her as just a helpless victim or Damsel in Distress. Lenore has a stronger will than perhaps anyone in the episode. She is surrounded by angry men itching for a fight, but even though she could probably clean the floor with Gordon, Sam or Dean, she risks her life under extreme torture to stick to her principles. And it’s really this that saves the day. If she had not shown that kind of fortitude, neither Sam nor Dean would have thought twice about letting Gordon kill off her entire nest. Amber Benson does a good job of playing Lenore as a different kind of Hero who controls her own bloodlust and influences two out of the three hunters she encounters to control theirs. That’s pretty impressive.

Lenore is indeed light-years away from being weak, but the strength she embodies is the opposite of the masculine strength Dean embodies (and Gordon negatively exaggerates). Her greatest strength in this episode is not her physical strength, but her strength of will, endurance, and her determination to change things for the better, and her caring for the wellbeing of others. This is an archetypically feminine kind of strength: it is quiet, subtle, discreet, but no less powerful than archetypical masculine strength.

Another fictional character who embodies this feminine strength is Galadriel. She is an incredibly powerful sorceress and enchantress who shielded and guarded an elven realm with her magic for millennia, but her strength lies also in her ability to nurture life, in providing a sanctuary to rest and heal, her self-control, wisdom, perception, and insight, and her refusal to surrender to her demons. Dean’s masculine strength is a potent force, but so is Galadriel’s steadfast perseverance. In The Lord of the Rings films by Peter Jackson, Cate Blanchette did an incomparable job of portraying this: she exuded an aetheral presence which demanded attention and could silence a room with a single glance.

Even in the disastrous The Hobbit trilogy, she has her moments of weakness but refuses to surrender. Without her presence at Dol Guldur, The White Council might not have managed to oust Sauron.

She almost certainly knew how to defend herself with weapons, but she did all this without once picking up a phallic symbol or punching anybody. Funnily enough, only two elves have been able to best Sauron in a one-on-one duel, and both were elf-women: Galadriel and her mentor Melian's daughter Lúthien, both of them using sorcery in different forms. Lúthien even bested Sauron's master Morgoth with her magic song and stole one of the Silmarils from his crown. Her uncle High King Fingolfin who challenged Morgoth to a duel and wounded him seven times, including a wound in his foot which never healed and caused Morgoth to limp forever, the cost being Fingolfin's own life.

That people think there are no 'strong women' in Tolkien's work is utterly risible to me. Quite apart from Éowyn, females in Tolkien's work are incredibly powerful, just not necessarily in the same sword-and-shield way as men.

Lenore lacks the powers of an enchantress and sorceress, yet she still did not have to lift a single finger to triumph over Gordon and save her nest. Considering this is a Supernatural episode and not Buffy, it is a pleasant surprise to have this amount of metaphor and interplay of different forces: masculine vs feminine, yin vs yang, light vs dark, absolution vs nuance, etc.

Which brings me on to a last few minor points of discussion. Lenore is the name of the dead wife in Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven poem, and indeed another poem bearing the name Lenore. The poem is about a man driven to ’madness’ out of grief for the fact he will never see his dead wife again. The raven in question is a metaphor for this despair and hopelessness, perched upon the bust of St Pallas above the narrator’s chamber door where its shadow lay floating on the floor. The looming, heavy presence of despair after the death of a loved one will not go away, but rather wears away at the narrator’s sanity. Other than the alarming comparison of Dean grief with that of a man grieving his wife, the rest is a fitting parallel, especially as the narrator does not even believe he will see his lost Lenore in Heaven.

Less pleasing was the claim at the end of the episode that ’Dad did the best he could’. I often think that the writers of this show are unaware of exactly what picture they painted of John in series one, or indeed over the entirety of the show. Other times I think they are aware of it and want to ret-con or fix their mistakes. Unfortunately, that ship has long since sailed, and no amount of apologism can fix it. I intend to watch The Winchesters when it comes out, but I have already written about Jensen’s apparent attempts to ameliorate the audience’s perception of John (Jensen, WHY?!). I do not intend to forget that just because The Winchesters wants me to like John. Whatever the reason for the ’Dad did the best he could’ line, I wish the writers had stopped trying to make us forget what we had seen with crap like this. John did not do the best he could, but I have gone over this in depth in this essay, so I will leave this for now.

Regarding Gordon for one last time, he said in this episode that Dean ’is a sadistic killer, just like me’, and Dean believes this is true of himself. It is not true, of course, but Dean believes it is because it is what he was groomed to be. The same episode tells us that Dean was killing werewolves with John at age 16 while Sam was safe in the car. 16 would be a very young age to be doing this, but at that age Dean had already been hunting with John for a few years, and had known how to fire a gun for about a decade.

On the subject of Sam, his ability to remember the way to Lenore’s nest based on the time elapsed, the direction the car went etc all while blind-folded was a little hilarious. I understand the show wants us to think Sam is Resourceful and Intelligent, but this stretched my belief a bit too far. The way he ’worked out’ that Gordon already knew the vampires were good was also quite the impressive logical saltation: according to Sam, Gordon killed his sister who had been turned in to a vampire, therefore Gordon knew the vampires were good. How Sam worked this out is anybody’s guess, because the show certainly did not tell me how.

The vampire named Eli is played by Ty Olson, the same actor who portrayed Benny in series 8.

Some people have tried to work out how this can be explained within the show, but Benny’s story before ending up in Purgatory does not match with Eli’s. Spatial-genetic multiplicity is the explanation I go with. As for Ty Olson, this is his second appearance on screen with Jensen, their first being in Dark Angel 2x11 The Berrisford Agenda.

Now I miss Alec again.

Moving on before this turns into a meeting of the Helsinki Chapter of the Jensen Fan-Boys society, one last thing before I finish this. Dean killing the vampire did not seem unduly violent to me. I have just re-watched 2x04 Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things, which features Sam claiming Dean is ‘scary while hunting’, but if this is the case, the show has not done a good job of portraying this. The vampire Dean killed was trying his hardest to kill him, and the only thing Dean did which was not necessary to kill the vampire was punching it twice. I am aware I am supposed to be horrified that Dean killed the vampire with the chainsaw, but I am really not. Yes, it was gross, but the vampire had just tried to do the same to Gordon and would have done the same to Dean, so… what is the problem? Yes, he was a vegetarian vampire, but only Gordon knew that at the time. As far as Dean knew, the vampire was the same as the ones in 1x20 Dead Man’s Blood, and he used what tools he had at hand to get the job done. He did look deeply shaken by it, though.

Was the horrific part the fact that he looked at what he was doing while it was happening instead of looking away? I really do not know. Maybe I have watched too much Hannibal and The Walking Dead to be particularly bothered by that death, so I do not understand why Sam was so uppity about it.

Thus concludeth my analysis of 2x03 Bloodlust.

[sensitivehandsomeactionman]

[theosaurous]

Thinking about how Alec McDowell/X5-494 is canonically bisexual 😔

[imdonnalynn]

I implore Jensen Ackles fans to go online, purchase season 1 and 2 of James Cameron's Dark Angel that aired on FOX from 2000-2002 before being unceremoniously cancelled at the end of season 2.

Jensen Ackles first played Ben/X5-493 in season 1 episode "Pollo Loco", his character died. But he was so popular he was brought back as a series regular in season 2 as a twin to his character, his name was Alec McDowell/X5-494 and it is truly one of his standout performances.

Jensen Ackles has stated a lot of Dean Winchester was based on his character Alec. So I, as a writer and reader of fan fiction find it a disservice when avid writers discount looking into the role.

He's better than Dean is any day. Such a shame his fan fiction fans don't see it or seem to not want to.

James Cameron's Dark Angel was a series before it's time and cancelled and forgotten about (even by Cameron who has devoted his life to his Avatar franchise).