#algernon has a problem lol

[ominous-faechild]

OUT-OF-CONTEXT:

RISING FROM THE ASHES

Quartet: [return from their investigations—]

Algernon: [coincidentally walking through the entrance hall at the same time—]

Algernon: [halts, putting the pads of his fingers together and elegantly turning in place. Faces them with a soft, warm smile]

Sammy: [x-to-doubt intensifies—but plays stupid as always!] :>

Kieva: [doesn't consciously note it, but does find it a little too coincidental—]

Algernon: (warmly) "ah, Kieran's students! What a time for you to return. How did your mission go?"

Quartet:

Quartet: [awkwardly glance at one another, uncertainty plain across each of their faces—]

Quartet: (all thinking) are we supposed—or even allowed—to tell him?

Kieva: [ever the leader, turns back to meet Algernon's eyes before any of the others]

Kieva: (voice tired, but matter-of-fact) "my lord, while I would love to share the results of our mission with you, I was told that it's strictly confidential. I would need my father's permission before I could share it with you, even if you're close to him."

Algernon: [eyes widened slightly in innocent surprise and eyebrows furrowed in concern, but slowly gives an awkward, apologetic smile as Kieva finishes]

Algernon: [waving slightly as though to physically dismiss the subject, gently) "of course, forgive my asking. Would any of you like dinner? The kitchen should be finishing up soon."

stumbled on this earlier today and it's just stuck in my head LMAO

but for two reasons especially.

for one... algernon's "uwu softboi"-ness LMAO

he's great, i love him

but two...

well.

[tysonfurybattlepass]

12,22,39 for Kali, Cal, and Algernon? 💚

hoo boy, i havent done anything for Cal or Allie in a while! my fav evil boys<3

Kali first!

12. What’s an outfit they’d despise wearing vs. one they’d love wearing?

kali prefers not to wear clothes; they increase drag when swimming and her subcutaneous fat is all the insulation she could ever need. that being said, she does have a fur robe that she wears when not in the water (a common garment for her people) and it’s very fluffy :)

22. How do they view themself?

kali is pretty neutral in her self image, i guess? she doesn’t really have a strong sense of self, if that makes sense. she knows that she exists, and feels, but she can’t exactly define her personality as that sort of self image is usually based around interaction with others, which she gets very little of (by her own choice). if she had to describe herself she would probably say that she’s competent and reliable.

39. What’s their greatest secret?

probably the whole ecoterrorist killing spree and predation upon humans stint she did a while back. in her defense, you guys just hate to see a girlboss winning❤️

Ok now for Cal

12. What’s an outfit they’d despise wearing vs. one they’d love wearing?

cal might be a grown ass man, but he’s still an emo. he strongly dislikes bright colors and khaki and would rather die than be caught in a polo lol.

22. How do they view themself?

cal has incredibly conflicting opinions about himself depending on when you ask. his self image spikes and plummets very harshly without any kind of healthy middle ground. either he’s better than everyone else in every way and everyone needs to know it or he doesn’t even want to be perceived at all

39. What’s their greatest secret?

cal has a lot of secrets, but the one he’s so desperate to hide that even he doesn’t know it consciously is definitely that most of his harsh and borderline cruel judgements of people come from personal insecurities that he projects outward. chances are if he hates you and thinks you’re pathetic it’s because you remind him of himself. he has done a lot of harm to people who didn’t deserve it because of this tendency to project his self loathing. he’s a protagonist narratively speaking but cal is actually a really bad person and a big part of his story is coming to terms with the fact that just because he’s no longer the victim doesn’t mean he’s escaped the cycle. he’s just become the problem.

allie boy time

12. What’s an outfit they’d despise wearing vs. one they’d love wearing?

algernon hates formal wear to a vitriolic degree. it is a point of pride to him that he does not know how to tie a tie. he prefers very basic but practical clothing and refuses to get rid of jeans with tears on the knees even though his sister begs him to.

22. How do they view themself?

algernon has a pretty shaky understanding of himself as a person. it’s something he’s still trying to figure out. a lot of his formative years have been blocked off from his memory so he often feels like he doesn’t really know a whole lot about himself.

39. What’s their greatest secret?

he’s afraid of getting better.

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

For the texting prompts, “challenge”

Beatrice Booth: Two hours and counting!

Lily Evans: Yeah, I’M AWARE, thank you.

Beatrice Booth: Just reminding you bb pip pip!

Lily Evans: Could you PLEASEJUST

Beatrice Booth: It’s for your own good

Lily Evans: You are asking me to make a major life change and instead of love and support I’m getting “pip pip!” and “two hours and counting!”

Beatrice Booth: LOL major life change ok ms drama

Lily Evans: I’m sorry, but in what universe does this NOT change things?

Beatrice Booth: You’re acting like things are going to change in a bad way

Lily Evans: They might.

Beatrice Booth: They won’t

Lily Evans: They MIGHT.

Beatrice Booth: OMG just get on with it ffs I’m growing a beard here waiting.

Lily Evans: I. Am. Doing. It. Now. Go. Away.

Beatrice Booth: LOL send screenshotsDo you have a plan?

Lily Evans: Sort of.

Beatrice Booth: What is it?

*

Lily Evans: How am I even supposed to START and also who TEXTS someone to tell them how they feel about them in the first place that’s so impersonal and I HATE you, honestly????

James Potter: what?

Lily Evans: Oh, shit.I’m sorry, I typed this in the wrong conversation.It’s meant to be for Beatrice.

James Potter: that’s okay

Lily Evans: I’ll have to get back to you on how I somehow mistook your Whatsapp pic for hers.

James Potter: i don’t know what you’re talking about, beatrice looks exactly like a huge ginger cat wearing a male stripper’s bow tie

Lily Evans: What distinguishes it as a stripper’s bow tie and not just a bow tie?Is there a specific website where strippers buy their apparel?

James Potter: yeah it’s where i buy all of my tearaway trousersit’s a stripper’s bow tie because algernon is otherwise naked, obviously

Lily Evans: Obviously.So…can any piece of clothing can be stripper clothing if it’s the only thing you’re wearing?Which by default means you can wear stripper clothes when you’re not stripping?

James Potter: anything but crocs

Lily Evans: That’s fair.A naked person in crocs already has more problems than I’m ever likely to face in my lifetime.

James Potter: yeah but they’re getting terrific arch support

Lily Evans: What about shower caps?

James Potter: ANYTHING but crocs

Lily Evans: So you’d rather be in a strip club where the strippers were wearing a shower cap than one where the strippers wore crocs?

James Potter: i’d rather not be in any strip club, they’re depressing and full of creepslike whyeveryone knows why you’re therethe women don’t like youif you’re gonna be a sad pervert have the decency to keep that between you and your google search history

Lily Evans: What’s the last thing on your Google search history?

James Potter: “world’s largest lego store?”what’s yours?

Lily Evans: “How to tell the boy you like that you like him because your stupid best friend beat you in a year-long contest and forced you to do it as a forfeit?”Subheading: “She SAYS this is her idea of lockdown self-improvement but that’s bullshit, she’s just thirsty for drama”

James Potter: ahrightokay coolfirst text makes sense then hahawait, YEAR long????

Lily Evans: Yeah, look, it had a lot of different components and a whole escalating points system and it’s a whole thing, whatever, I’m never doing it again.Her victories were total flukes.Like, wow, you guessed the Eurovision winner, well done.I’m also pretty sure she was cheating with the steps counter but I don’t even want to get into that, honestly.

James Potter: mum gave me and sirius fitbits so she could make sure we took 10000 a day and sirius tricked her by putting his on his right wrist when he was wanking

Lily Evans: It’s weird that you know that.

James Potter: it’s weird that you don’t, he tells everyonedid you find anything?

Lily Evans: Where?

James Potter: in your google search?

Lily Evans: I found “100 Inspiring Quotes That Will Increase Your Confidence,” so no.

James Potter: inspiring quotes are like placebos except at no point do they have you fooledyou know they’re not gonna work

Lily Evans: Yeah, like it’s nice that some guy named Norman Vincent Peale wants me to believe in myself but that doesn’t suddenly mean that I do.

James Potter: you should believe in yourself, you’re brilliantbut you should also narrow your search parameters because that situation is way too specific

Lily Evans: I do believe in myself. Mostly.But like, not only do I have to tell this person that I have a crush on him, I have to do it to a bloody deadline.Nothing really prepares you for that, you can’t take romantic entanglements for your A Level.And apparently Google’s unfamiliar with the concept, so.

James Potter: it’s not remus, is it?tell me it’s not remus

Lily Evans: What?

James Potter: the person you fancy?i mean, not that i have any personal investment in the issue i just know he likes beatrice and wouldn’t want you to get hurt and that’s the tea

Lily Evans: ????????What makes you think it’s Remus?

James Potter: i dunno he justhe seems like the kind of person you’d like

Lily Evans: Me specifically?

James Potter: yeah

Lily Evans: Because?

James Potter: because he’s academic in a good way

Lily Evans: There’s a bad way to be academic?

James Potter: course there isremus is academic in the way that tries, not the way that fucks around and gets good marks by coasting on natural brilliance, which according to my mum can cultivate laziness and that’s why my chore list is so extensivehe’s funny in a dry wayhe’s not a dramatic idiothis hair is tidyhe probably understands mortgages

Lily Evans: You’re describing a male me and I don’t know why you think I’d want to date that.Also, I’m seventeen.Why would I need to understand mortgages?

James Potter: i hear it’s good to get on the property ladder early

Lily Evans: Do you WANT me to be into Remus?

James Potter: there’s no good answer to that question

Lily Evans: Because I’m not into Remus.You have a really skewed idea of what my type is.

James Potter: are you sure?

Lily Evans: Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure I haven’t mistaken him for the totally DIFFERENT person I fancy.

James Potter: i think he has an everyman quality that people find quite charmingit’s possible that you could have

Lily Potter: He’s not a Ditto, James. He can’t transform at will.

James Potter: though thinking about itwould be a bit weird if beatrice was pushing you to tell remus you liked himshe’s mentioned liking remus once or twice

Lily Evans: Once or twice a minute.I can’t believe you thought that “academic” and “understands mortgages” were my major qualifiers.Like, honestly it’s a bit offensive that you think I’m that stodgy.

James Potter: no it isn’t and i never said stodgyit was a commentary on how mature you are!and how you have sensible priorities!

Lily Evans: You say “mature” but you mean “stodgy.”

James Potter: that is not what i mean

Lily Evans: BRB digging out one of my nan’s cardigans and buying some thermal underwear and maybe taking up bridge as a hobby.Maybe I can book a spot on one of those OAP singles cruises and meet someone at a shuffleboard tournament?If I’m lucky he’ll have a full pension.

James Potter: i feel like i should inform you that plenty of old people are out there living wild livesi mean, not right now because of lockdown, but

Lily Evans: But apparently I’m not.

James Potter: what’s wrong with liking those things about a person??i like those things about youand about peopleplural

Lily Evans: NOTHING but they shouldn’t be THE thing.Like, it’s so mercenary. You’re saying I’d only want to date someone because they stand a good chance of making it in a decent career and being a good provider and not because they’re sweet or kind or funny.

James Potter: firstly, i mentioned that remus is funny and secondly that’s not what i meanti meant that you would want to date someone who was your intellectual equal so you would never feel that you weren’t smart enough for them or that they weren’t smart enough to stay on your level

Lily Evans: And that translates to “academic in a good way” how?

James Potter: okay what i just said was a) true and b) a straight up compliment and you’re just blowing right past it

Lily Evans: Maybe I am, but that still doesn’t explain how it translates.Like, since I’m assuming that you, THE smartest person I know, think you’re academic in a bad way, does that mean you think YOU’RE not on my level?Is that a conversation we need to have now?

James Potter: my middle name is oddjob

Lily Evans: Wait what??

James Potter: you’ve mistaken my compliment for an insult and you’re mad at me so i’m trying to distract youand just so you knowthis is my deepest darkest secretonly sirius and my parents know my middle name

Lily Evans: Wait, Oddjob like the Bond villain??????

James Potter: you are part of an elite group of people i’d trust with my life so please appreciate thatyes like the bond villain

Lily Evans: Were you a particularly complicated birth or something?Were your parents punishing you somehow?

James Potter: complicated pregnancymum was on bedrest for weeksshe was so bored that she watched all of the bond movies because they were the only films dad kept in the house and streaming wasn’t a thing back then, and that’s the story of why my name is james instead of sebastian

Lily Evans: James Oddjob.

James Potter: james oddjob

Lily Evans: They were going to call you Sebastian?

James Potter: mum’s choiceshe thought it was debonair and rakish

Lily Evans: I’m…really disproportionately thrilled that they didn’t go with Sebastian.

James Potter: because i’m not rakish or debonair enough?

Lily Evans: No, because you’re such a James.

James Potter: what qualifies a person to be “such a james?”

Lily Evans: I dunno.It’s just you, isn’t it? Your personality. You’re a James.

James Potter: there are loads of other people with that name, you know

Lily Evans: Yeah, and every time I speak to one I’m like, who is this clown and why is he using a name that doesn’t belong to him?

James Potter: lol

Lily Evans: #NotMyJames

James Potter: oh, so i’m YOUR james now?

Lily Evans: You know what I mean.

James Potter: no i don’t, please explain yourselfdid you call dibs?sirius will be pissed

Lily Evans: Do you want me to get mad at you again?

James Potter: were you ever really mad to begin with?

Lily Evans: SIGH. No.

James Potter: can’t believe you typed out a sigh

Lily Evans: I’m just stressed.I have…just over an hour? To tell this guy I like him.And Beatrice is demanding screenshots as proof.

James Potter: why is she even making you do this?

Lily Evans: She says that he likes me too and we’re just wasting time that could otherwise be spent swiping our v-cards in a slow march towards death, and that in the event that he doesn’t, we won’t be able to see each other for weeks anyway so I can avoid any awkward encounters.It’s a compelling argument, must admit.Assuming he hasn’t already…swiped?I haven’t swiped.Have you swiped?I’m talking about sex, by the way.

James Potter: yeah, i got that i’m not twelveno i have not swipedbut you want to?with this person who also likes you and would therefore also want to?

Lily Evans: Only according to Beatrice. He probably doesn’t.And I mean, not immediately. Not like, right now. But eventually, yeah.

James Potter: brb my mum’s calling me from downstairs

*

James Potter: pls come home from supermarket mum D: D: D: D:

Euphemia Potter: What’s wrong darling?

James Potter: i am dying

Euphemia Potter: What?

James Potter: i am in severe pain

Euphemia Potter: Where is the pain?

James Potter: in my emotions

Euphemia Potter: For goodness’ sake, James!Sending me a message like that during an international crisis!I thought you were seriously ill!

James Potter: heartbreak IS a serious afflictioni’ve just found out that lily has a crush on someone!!!??? and i am?? dying????

Euphemia Potter: Who does she have a crush on?

James Potter: i don’t know, she hasn’t said his name

Euphemia Potter: You tortoise, she obviously has a crush on you.

James Potter: you are biased in my favour because you are the woman who birthed me

Euphemia: Right now I am anything but biased in your favour.As punishment for subjecting your mother to needless worry, you can give the oven a good cleaning before I get home.That will cure you of your “affliction.”And remember to charge Diablo.

James Potter: you show that roomba more respect than you’ve ever shown me!

Euphemia Potter: Well at least the Roomba is useful.

James Potter: OUCH

*

James Potter: backturns out my mum just needed to insult me deeply

Lily Evans: Hey.

James Potter: still stressed out?

Lily Evans: Unbelievably.

James Potter: you know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, yeah?

Lily Evans: No, I do.I promised her I’d do it.And I want to tell him.Sort of.I do sometimes think he might like me back.He says things sometimes, you know? And he looks at me in a certain way and I just, idk.It’s just, how do I even broach that in a text message?

James Potter: i have no idea

Lily Evans: Like, just come out and say it?

James Potter: honestly evans, don’t think i’m the right person to asklike, reallynot the right personreally really REALLY not the person to ask about this

Lily Evans: But you must have an opinion?

James Potter: i have no opinions on anything everexcept crocs on strippers but disregard thatyou know what you should do? ask remushe’s wise like a wolf

Lily Evans: Since when are wolves known for their wisdom?

James Potter: owls thenhe could probably make helpful suggestions

Lily Evans: I like you.

James Potter: yeah, go with that, whatever works

Lily Evans: James

James Potter: what?

Lily Evans: I literally just…my GOD, Potter.

James Potter: what?

Lily Evans: Nothing.

James Potter: what????

Lily Evans: Nothing, honestly, it’s fine.I’ll tell you to your face when I next see you.

James Potter: tell me what?tell me what????wait nolilydo youwas that about me?tell me what?????lilylilyLILYTELL ME WHAT?

[spiderman-homecomeme]

i can tell that we are gonna be friends

AN: can you tell that I like writing song fics yet lol This is basically set before the events of Homecoming. It’s just something I thought about and decided to write down. Based off of the song by the White Stripes. Enjoy! :)

Ps sorry if the read below the cut doesn’t work pls forgive

Walking through the grass brings the satisfying crunch of leaves as Peter walks to school. He’s taking a shortcut through one of the little side fields to avoid the crowded sidewalk. It’s a brand new year; new books, new binders, he even splurged and got some new pens and mechanical pencils. 

He picks up on the distant sound of chattering students as he nears the building, pulling the straps of his backpack tighter around his shoulders. 

The first time he sees Michelle Jones, she’s being introduced as the new girl. The teacher calls her up to the front of the class, and she stands there, looking like she’d rather be anywhere else in the entire world, clearly uncomfortable with the twenty-three pairs of eyes staring right at her. She shifts awkwardly on her feet as the teacher asks questions about where she’s from, why she moved, what her favorite food is, etc. 

She sits down without another word as the teacher dismisses her. 

The first time Peter actually talks to her, they’re in the same class as before, a few weeks into the semester. He notices that she kind of keeps to herself, rarely ever willingly interacting with her peers. There’s always a book in her hand, her nose buried in it when she gets the opportunity. He figured it was just because she was shy. 

Peter knew that being the new kid in school was pretty scary. He’d been there before. And coming in at eighth grade in a completely new environment kind of made it worse. 

The teacher gave them some free time for the rest of the hour, so Peter decides to take advantage of this. 

He looks over to the girl next to him, and he almost flakes. There’s a look of intense concentration on her face, eyebrows furrowed, lips slightly pursed, as her eyes follow the words on the page in front of her. 

“What are you reading?” He asks, trying a little too hard to be casual. 

Brown eyes glance up at him from the book, a look of mild confusion mixed with irritation crosses her expression at the interruption, but as soon as it appears it’s gone. She holds the book up wordlessly, showing him the title. 

Okay, so maybe he did bother her just then. Peter feels sheepish; she wasn’t shy, she just didn’t want to talk. “Is it good?”

This time, when her eyes move up to him, it’s for longer than a second. She still looks a little confused as to why he’s talking to her, but she answers him anyway. “Yeah.”

Peter nods, though he hasn’t actually read the book, so he doesn’t really understand. He’ll make sure to talk to Ned about this later. 

His next interaction with her is almost as awkward. 

It’s in the same class; English, about a week and a half later. They’re working on some short answer questions about Flowers for Algernon, when he hears her huff in frustration. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he glances up at her. Her pencil has just run out of lead and she’s searching through her backpack. 

She’s surprised when she sits back up to find Peter, the boy who tried to talk to her that one time, holding out a case of 0.9 lead. There’s a faint smile on his face as he hands it to her.

“Thanks,” she draws out, taking it cautiously.

“No problem!”

“I need 0.7.”

“Oh.”

Later that semester, they’re in eighth grade choir, a class everyone in the school had to take at some point, whether they wanted to or not. Peter is standing near MJ in the alto section, his voice a too high in pitch to join the other “baritone” boys for a song they’re singing. Really, none of the boys voices are low enough to sing much of the bass clef, but their choir director reassures that the alto section needs more strength, this particular song needs more balance.

Flash and co. are obviously having a field day with this. They poke and tease, cackling even when Ms. Harper shoots them a stern glare. Flash says something under his breath, quiet enough so that the teacher can’t hear.

At this point, she has had enough, and she snaps. “At least Peter can actually carry a tune, unlike you, you tone deaf hamster.”

Ms. Harper’s voice tries to cut through the murmuring of the students, but she’s ignored. 

“What? Do you have a crush on Parker, or something?” The bullies laugh, a chorus of  “ew,” and “gross!”

“No!” MJ says a little too quickly, but Peter doesn’t seem to notice or care. 

Hands slam onto the piano, playing a series of major and minor chords, quieting the students instantly as Ms. Harper grabs their attention, threatening to start sending kids to the office.

Peter makes sure to pass a silent “thank you,” to MJ.

After that particular instance, their conversations—usually just a few words passed between the two—are a little easier. Soon, ninth grade comes and they’re in high school. MJ seemed to have hit another growth spurt and is now a good inch and a half taller than him. 

Maybe someday Peter will catch up with her. (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.)

Sometimes, when the universe aligns, they walk to school together. Well, not necessarily together, together, but maybe in close proximity, the same general area. 

At lunch, she sits at the same table, not next to him and Ned, but within about fifteen feet. 

She always manages to keep her distance.

One day, Peter notices walking from the train to school that they’re closer than they usually are. If he took maybe two bigger strides, he would catch up with her. Before he can talk himself out of it, Peter decides to once again, try and cross that friendship gap, taking those extra two steps. “Hey Michelle,” He greets, gripping the straps of his backpack as he walks beside her. 

She startles only a little, before easing back into her uncaring expression. “Hey.”

Honestly, Peter hadn’t thought this much ahead. Why was making friends so hard? How did he and Ned do it? “I, uh... saw you signed up for academic decathlon. Were you thinking about joining?”

“No, I just like writing my name on things,” she deadpans.

“Oh,” Peter knows she’s joking. At least he thinks he does. He doesn’t know her all that well. He lets out a nervous laugh. 

She glances at him. “What about you?”

“I don’t know... I want to! I’m a little worried I won’t have time for it. I already signed up for robotics lab. And marching band,” he explains, making a conscious effort to match the stride of her longer legs. “But yeah, I was thinking about it.”

“Nice,” she nods, her mouth pressed into a thin line. “Well, you should do it anyway. It’d be fun.” 

“Yeah, I’ll definitely think about it.”

Peter can’t help the happy feeling that floods his entire body. Sure, it wasn’t much of a conversation, but it was something. It was a big step. Maybe he would try walking to school with her more often. Maybe he would invite her to hang out with him and Ned. Maybe he would actually join academic decathlon and they’d get closer. 

From all of those seemingly insignificant moments, Peter could tell one thing; they were going to be pretty good friends.