#all hades offspring know is be bisexual;

[isogenderskitty]

i find it funny how the introduction to thanzag is literally than being like "YOU LEFT...... WITHOUT SO MUCH AS TELLING ME GOODBYE….." and zag being like "IM SORRY..... I HAD TO....…" like theyre so fucking loud. then fast forward to mel & moros starting off so like. normal and me occasionally going like (squint)..... was that flirting? i cant quite tell. ive got my eye on you two nerds

i know it’s because thanzag already had history by the start of the game, and mel & moros have just met, but man it’s hilarious to me

drawing parallels between these pairs is my new favourite thing actually

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: Character headcanons

Dionysus:

He loves anything with any level of alcohol in it and his favorite is obviously wine. However, because of his godly abilities, he functions the in the same way a saltwater fish wood if you placed it in a tank of freshwater. only instead of dying instantly, he just slowly loses his powers and becomes dangerously close to being a mortal. So he usually keeps a supply of wine with him at all costs, and it really doesn't have to be his own wine, it could be any form of alcoholic beverage as long as he consumes it.

He has a mane of curly thick dark hair that accidentally acts like a pocket dimension. he can store something in there, completely forget it and then when he remembers it he can take it out with ease. nobody really cares about how he's able to do this except Athena, she hates it when Dionysus does this and it confounds her to no end, nobody really knows why she hates it but it's speculated that she just doesn't like his chaotic nature.

True to his wild natural look, he actually has two pairs of horns; curled ram horns and long bull horns. He has no memory of it he purposefully grew these horns himself or they may have resulted in his consumption of his wine....but he doesn't care find it to be more of an excuse to adorn his head with more interesting things he finds.

He doesn't have eccentric tastes per se but he does enjoy interesting looking jewelry, placing random objects in his hair and like his brother Apollo enjoys wearing whatever the hell he wants to wear. It doesn't matter if it's a woman's dress or overly ornate armor for no other purpose than to just wear it. The function of the clothing does not concern him, as long as it looks nice on him.

He's very simple god....in the same way your stoner friend is simple, he's is early philosophical for a guy has type and often times you'll see him do weird things that in reality actually have some serious purpose. For example you would pile small stones to form a tower only to have accidentally created the druidic tradition of establishing a location. Another good example would be him having decompulsive need to pile pine cones, according to him he's still trying to figure out what would be the purpose of this but he found out that pine cones are extremely flammable thus perfect as kindling.

He consistently smells of merlot and sweat, it's not that he isn't clean, it's just that with his consistent consumption of his own wine, he doesn't sweat normally anymore... He literally sweats wine thus occasionally giving his skin a pinkish tan hue occasionally, when he bathes his skin goes back to a normal olive-ish tan.

Although he's extremely lazy in some cases, people wipl often mistake him for being soft or weak, it has been noted that in terms of strength he has rivaled both Aries and Heracles in some bizarre manner. nobody really knows if this could have anything to do with his previous incarnation of being a very powerful entity of chaos or if it's just his god-given abilities.

Unlike his fellow gods, he loves being around mortals. He enjoys their nuanced lives and daily endeavors and tries his very best to keep everyone happy.

He's primarily a "good vibes" man 95% of the time and tries to keep the peace, but that doesn't stop him from either justifyingly getting angry or sitting back and watch the drama unfold without his assistant. You also kick your ass and he will do it again if he needs to.

His primary circle of friends/family are Apollo, Hermes, Heracles, Hypnos, Artemis, several nyphs and satyrs, Kale (Delphi's only competent broker/financial expert) and whom ever he can befriend. His secondary basically consists of everyone else whom I've not mentioned.

His wine can actually physically change you with prolonged consumption but with varying results. Many of his leopards for example, have obtained a pinkish, purple hue from drinking the wine dionysus has made for them especially, prolonging their life spans, raising their IQs a little and making them more docile.

On the topic of wine, Dionysus has made several different wines with different properties. He's made wine that acts very closely to a truth serum, a wine that can heal/cure nearly everything, a wine specifically for bacchanals and festivals, wine that actually doesn't effect small kids (for safety reasons) and a wine that can do miscellaneous things.

He's into everything in terms of entertainment, he's surprisingly very cultured in spite of his perceived persona as "the god of drunkards and heathens". So in truth there's never a dull moment with him.

The best to describe him is "a semi-chaotic force of existential calm". He's so chill about so many things, one can mistake this for being aloof or uncaring, but don't worry he's got your back.

He has a list of "dislikes"; he recently has a burning dislike of Romans, drinking water, entitled rude people (because you can be entitled but ultimately unaware of it in an ignorant way), having to do the same task over and over again, being sober (because he believes being drunk keeps something inside him at bay) and frogs....he finds frog to be extremely unreasonable in conversation.

In a more sensual sense, he's up for everything asking as it's not painful or would end in a possible bad way. This explains why he tries his best to stay away from Aphrodite as much as he can help himself.

He doesn't hate Ares, he just finds Ares to be a little too aggressive when it comes to the concept of fun.

He has 0 idea about the existence of some older members of the family, such as Eris for example. He literally has no idea he's not the only agent of chaos in Greece.

He had formed a secret "Drunkard's Society", it consists of other deities from around the world whose specialties occasionally revolve around making alcoholic beverages... if anyone asks yes Jesus (yes he's canon in greek-Bros as the son of "A God" of which no one really knows who) is part of the club by default for some reason sine he used his abilities to make wine. There's very little rules for the club, the only rule is that if possible, bring drinks.

Although he primarily is Pansexual, he is in an very open marriage with Ariadne. Being his only functional braincell, Ariadne is the one who keeps him grounded when making certain decisions, she pretty much completes him in the sense of companionship. She's also pretty compatible with his personality given her upbringing, in spite of her upbringing as a royal, she's always been more carefree and empathetic with her subjects. Plus she doesn't object to most of what Dionysus does but she knows when to step in as his partner on more serious matters. Deep down, Dionysus believes that Ariadne is the second reason why he's still alive. His first being "because my dad mpreg'ed me into existence".

He may or may not be aware of his previous incarnations, he gets weird dreams that feels very violent and feverish at times of a stress filled day. He knows he isn't like the other Olympic gods in many ways.

His seat in Olympia was gifted to him by his aunt Hestia. Hestia, being the oldest child of "The Big 6", felt it was time for her to "retire" from being part of the Olympic gods, no one really understood why she made this decision but she was extremely happy to give the seat dionysus as she personally felt he had a "certain spark" that felt was appropriate as her successor. He too, has no idea why he was given this gift but he assumes that if Hestia felt it was appropriate than it was.

Out of all the olympians, he has made friends with the most deities outside of Greece, second place would be Hermes and third would be Ares.

Apollo

Unlike dionysus, he's extremely calculative, considerably well sorted and more formal. There's always a visible method to what he does and everything has a scientific explanation, in contrast to dionysus's unpredictable meme energy.

He has a bizzarly faire complexion with literally no flaws and his skin almost glows with warmth. His blond hair has been known to also glow depending on the light. His eye color is the same shade as the sky with white pupils, but when it's night time his usually white pupil turns into the normal black, representing the passing of the daytime. The same thing happens to Artemis.

Being the god of the arts and sciences, he loves to educate people. Delos (his home island) is home to one of the best schools of thought in all of Greece.

His first passion of playing the lyre and it still is to this day, if he wasn't the god of the sun, he'd be the god of music.

He puts this persona of "the perfect guy" to mostly everyone he knows, with the exception of Hermes and Dionysus who pretty much know he's a big sensitive softy.

He's an extremely beautiful man with perfect mesomorphic body. He has very gentle mannerisms with a contrasting burning and passionate reaction to anything that could anger him. Pretty much, he's the embodiment of the sun, beautiful, giving, warm but he will burn you.

His personal tastes are similar to dionysus's in terms of preference of clothing. Anything goes and when he looks fashionable in anything, he especially loves wearing lose dresses because he feels the most comfortable in it. He barely sees a reason to assume clothing can be specific to gender norms, as long as it does its function, it suits him pretty well. To him, clothing is clothing.

He's one of the best chariot riders in Olympus, rivalling Triton and occasionally Hades.

He's pan/bisexual to put it best, but he seems to have an easier time forming lasting relationships with men than he does with his female relationships, as evident his mythos. He's not very sure why, and he desires to get better at it considering he actually has the most children in the pantheon.

He's an extremely loving father to his offspring, he's taught most of his children in the ways of art and sciences but is always surprised to see them flourish with their own specific passions and talents.

He thought Orpheus would be the son who's take his place if anything were to happen to him....until he was killed and sent to the underworld. Apollo still mourns for his son's death and doesn't blame Dionysus or his maenads. He believed that Orpheus's was too powerful, even for him

He chooses his lovers, not the other way around. It's an unfortunate trait he inherited from Zeus and it probably is the main factor in why he has such a difficult time with having female companions.

He literally knows about almost everything on almost every subject.

Like Ariadne, he's Dionysus's other braincell. Because of this, the two seem to have an ongoing battle of ideologies that grew into an extremely friendly rivalry to see who can get the most apostles and followers. There's no competitive energy between them, it just feels like a huge game to them.

His circle of friends oddly enough don't stop at Hermes and Dionysus, along with Artemis, his lovers and his muses, it seems Apollo has a surprisingly small circle of friends out of the "the bois". Inspite of his more intellectual relationship with Athena as a fellow scholar and "thinking person", he doesn't necessarily consider her an ally. In fact he actually has a very interesting list of possible foes that are mostly other members of the family. His number one rival however seems to be Eros, who has repeatedly caused him grief in the past, he's probably the second factor as to why he has such a complicated relationship with female companions.

He's a very accommodated individual, it baffles him till this day as to why his twin finds more comfort being in the outdoors than in Olympus, seeing how both of them were raised the same way. He doesn't like being dirty or getting too dirty, he's a bit if an introvert most of the time.

His favorite foods is anything grown under the sun. The only thing "fermented in the dark" he would ever consume is Dionysus's wine, which outside of ambrosia, is the only drink he trusts other than his own.

It may not look like it but he's actually a serious fighter. Especially loves using his bow and arrow and trains alongside with his twin sister.

Give me look pretty, but he will still kick your ass if you deserve it.... Or not he could just simply incinerate you out of existence. In terms of powers, out of the trio he actually does overpower them through natural force than anything.

His Muse's basically are a mixture between his group of female friends and essentially sisters by covenant. He's only had one relationship with one of the muses but outside of that he has NEVER once thought of any of them as calcubines. He will retaliate if anyone assumes otherwise, the reason being is because he would never harm or have any intentions of hurting any of his muses. They see him as a brotherly figure and teacher of the arts, NOT as a master.

Hermes

He's the one god in the family who's decided to make his life a lot more harder by having more hats to wear. He ironically likes it because it always makes him feel "closer to normal".

He's the hardest working of the trio, the only other individuals who works as hard as him is Hestia, Hephaestus and Hades.

Simultaneously, he loves lounging around eating his favorite snack, high energy foods. Bread, surgery fruits, nuts, anything to use to help his caloric intake for his long days of running.

He's literally fast enough to travel forward and back in time. At first, he was just found it strange when he would mention someone, it would be either in past tense or no body would have known who they were. After he found out that he was literally running forwards and back in time, he's been carefully pacing himself.

His favorite thing to do is observe anything really, especially loves seeing what happens after he effects something. For example, he could miss place a cup for no reason other than to see what will happen next.

Although being older than Dionysus, he's the shortest and "youngest looking" of the trio. His youthful complexion however has a dismal purpose. He notices that mortals find him a lot more approachable then the other gods. He primarily looks like a young lab in between the ages of 19 in comparison to Apollo's late 20 something and Dionysus's mid 20 something with a positive youthful disposition, the reason why is because in his "real" form, he actually is taller, pushing to late 20's to early 30's, has a little bit of facial hair, facially stern looking face of some hardened by life and overall "intimidating", not in an Ares sort of way....more like as if you can't really read what's on his mind. This may actually have something to do with the fact his speed could have actually been something he inherited from grandfather, Chronos. He hates his original body and does everything in his power to avoid showing even Apollo and Dionysus this version of himself.

He bisexual with a preference for women. He loves to experiment but that's when he gets in the most trouble. A great example would be the primary reason why his sort of least favorite son, Pan, is the way he is.... because he actually mated with a woman....in the form of a goat, since then, he has had to keep on eye on Pan due to his pension for causing problems....the bad kinds. His favorite children are Hermaphrodite and Hermanubis, he believes they're both his best out comes and both children have the best qualities of both parents.

He's extremely terrible at coming up with names for his children.

He dangerously takes more after his grandfather than he does Zeus physically and powerwise. Due to his incredible speed, his connection to everything from the underworld, to the intricate influences he has on mortal life, and even the fact he actually feels time catching up with him when he over runs, Zeus feared that his father's dark influence was on Hermes and protected him as much as possible from the scrutiny of his other siblings. This fed the fear that Hermes was to be the son to overthrow Zeus....until Apollo became Hermes's closest brother and friend and until Dionysus came along and basically padded the weird "dark prophecy" down to a grinding hult. Since then, Hermes secretly is forever in dept to both brothers for essentially proving everyone else's assumption of his dark nature wrong.

He has an extremely interesting relationship with his demigod brothers like Heracles and Perseus, with a lot of convincing, Hermes was able to get both Demigods to be considered full fledged gods by Zeus's blessings. Since Demigods age far more slower than normal mortals, unless consecrated into Olympus by Zeus, Hermes always consolidates his demi-siblings since he knows unlike the Gods, they will too one day die. He just really didn't want to lose his favorite half-brothers.

Out of the trio, he's seen the most shit. He's seen painful and peaceful deaths. Being a psychopomp isn't all fun and games unfortunately, it's the equivalent of being a doctor in terms of emotional disturbance. He does find it comforting that the only people who completely and fully comprehend what he internally goes through is Thanatos, Hypnos, Charon and Hades. All four of which constantly consolidate him on how he feels and that it's ok to go through the motions of what they call "indiscriminate mourning", a feeling of constent mourning for those who have no relevance to him but which one constantly feels empathy. In a dark humorous way, a demon in Tartarus suggested to remove his "empathy" to ease his suffering but Hermes refused because he'd rather have it than feel nothing.

Being the god of deception, he actually hides his insecurities and personal on-goings extremely well. He knows what's important is the present of things, he's seen death (literally and the god) and has seen what life has to offer. It's not going to stop him from having the best time with his brothers. Lucky for him, he tends to forget he's pretending and goes on as best as he wants to.

He loves animals. He's especially sympathetic to turtles and tortoises, he absolutely admires them for just being such a slow animal who can also be close to home. He recently discovered sloths in the continent that will soon be discovered as South America, and is completely enchanted by their slowness. He also loves 'racing' with faster animals like horses and antelope.

He is the only living being Cerberus let's through in and out of the underworld. Mostly because Cerberus never seems to catch him, thus the beast doesn't really bother, plus Hermes always brings treats for him so that helps.

The wings on his helmet are emotive when active and melds into the metal when inactive. Being the most 'human' of the trio, he can slip into a crowd unnoticed.

Out of the trio he seems the most normative, being more down to earth like Artemis. However he doesn't show the same amount of contempt for the pampered life of a god as much as Artemis does, he's comfortable where ever.

Like Dionysus, he has a very wide range of companions, friends and allies. he doesn't have a lot of enemies that he can name but he does have a bit of a complicated relationship with Ares. He doesn't really hate Ares, but he does enjoy occasionally making a fool out of him. Ares in truth doesn't mind this considering Hermes did save him from some Giants who put them in an urn....is early enough it's not that he's indebted, it's just that when he threatens to kill her is it really isn't anything.

Hermes enjoys antagonizing people isn't very fond of. Hera specifically, he tries to find every way to anger her as much as possible. Even if it results at some else's expense.

He can and will, consentingly fuck your wife. And he would do it again.

Juxtaposed to his complicated and emotionally heavy job as a psychopomp, he's an absolute funnyman. It even borders on 'Bugs Bunny' like antics.

[victorian-vampir]

So like. I said I was gonna do this a while ago but now I finally am. How was the finale of Blood of Zeus supposed to make me feel? Zeus died and 1. I just didn't care because there was no reason for me to, nothing seems to have changed now that the king of gods is dead, no one even seems real concerned, not even Hades??? Who surely knows his baby brother is dead???

2. I just.. I feel nothing for anyone in that show. Aside from Kofi who is probably the best character because he's had like a collective 10 minutes of screen time where he had like two lines each time and otherwise he's just there.

That's what blood of Zeus is. It's there. It wasnt good, it was okay. By no means amazing and you'll probably have more entertainment from watching basically anything else on netflix. Blood of Zeus is only more than subpar if you like being bored and you skip the ending.

No I have many things to rant about so let's open this up:

Why did Seraphim have the Bident? Why did he have control of it? Why did Hades look like that? Why was Seraphim more interesting than our main character?

Why did Seraphim blame the gods for the death of his mother? He did that by his own free will and ZEUS TELLS HIM IT WAS HERAS FAULT. Which I still don't know why. It did nothing. Seraphim didn't change what he was doing, no one changed what they were doing regardless of what the gods or other characters said to do! But even then, if that did change Seraphims opinions of motives that would feed into the war Zeus didn't seem to want to have but did fuck all to stop from happening.

Heron sucks. Like a lot. He's not fun or witty, he's not a greek hero, he's just angry at Zeus or Seraphim or he's confused about things and that's it. That's as far as he goes. He's not interesting of fun to watch hes just there for us to follow. I can remember nothing he did that actually interested me because even the background gods had more appeal. You know why greek heroes are fun? They're tricksters. Most suck as people and are just doing good things usually for their own benefit. Heron is so fucking bland, I could watch cocomelon and have a much better time than any point when Heron was on screen.

Why was Hera like that? What was her motive? That Zeus cheated on her and I guess loved the woman for.. some reason? She should know she isn't the first or only woman Zeus had loves. But he's done this before, four of the offspring from him doing this before are standing behind Hera like everytime she's confronting Zeus about stuff. But she's not directing anger at them, she never even glances at them. It's only Heron she cares about despite the fact Zeus mentioned Heracles. So Hera has already done a revenge plot on Zeus's kids before.

Why NOW does she want to kill him? Why does she want to kill him? Why does she want civil war to spark between her literal family. She was just as upset about Heracles so Heron was her breaking point? A useless mortal when Apollo literally drives the sun? When Hermes is a psychopomp? When Artemis has an entire clan of archers? When Dionysus can drive people insane??? This milquetoast human guy is her issue?

Why was Zeus stabbed just to like.. heal it and it to never be brought back up? How long was Apollo in the ocean? Why was he not driving the sun?

Hera having that "He really did love me" moment when Zeus died? Means nothing to me because he TELLS HER THAT. He tells her that immediately when she asks. And sure he hesitates to tell Hera he doesn't love the other woman too but guess what Hera! You're immortal and his fucking wife while she isn't either of those things. You're being a petty bitch but you never once pull the wife card like you can.

Why does Zeus love Herons mother? We get no backstory for why Zeus loves her at all. Did he start off loving her? Did he develop love for her? But he only went there for sex, right? So what's up with that? What's his reason? I wanna know the reason for out characters actions and we get nothing.

The amazonian chick? I fear for her. She's the love interest I can feel it and fuck do I not want her to be. Like, leave Alexia alone. Please don't make her fall for Heron. Please. They're both so boring, I can't even describe.

Kofi, Evios, Apollo, and Hermes are the only interesting character in this story. And none of them do basically anything. They're the only characters I cared about and they were useless. Everytime Apollo and Hermes are on screen they're getting beat up or they're reacting to their dad saying something. These gods were as useful as the human beings we met three episodes ago.

What was Poseidons reason for anything? He didn't care what Zeus had to say at any point and even when Hera was clearly wrong and clearly up to no good in seriously obvious ways he stayed on her side until the ocean was put at risk. WHAT THE FUCK?! It's Poseidon!

I guess I'm glad they made Hades neutral? Like he usually is with god drama? But was he actually? Did the gods just.. ignore Cerberus? Did they ignore the Bident they should KNOW belongs to their brother? Especially Hermes??? Is Cerberus not get guard of the underworld in this universe? Why not? Explain that. Please. This is a major god who is HARDLY EVER MENTIONED DESPITE HIM DEFINITELY HAVING THE POTENTIAL TO BE SUPER IMPORTANT.

I like that they made Apollo Bi? But it also properly was just there to get a couple brownie points. Apollo is already bisexual in actual mythos so like.. it's assumed this version of Apollo is too? You don't get brownie points when Greek mythology is already so overwhelmingly queer. You don't have to show us the god is gay, the only people watching are greek mythology nerds who already know Apollo likes dudes.

I don't know. I'm just rambling about stuff that bothered me I guess. I was eh with the show but the finale ruined it for me. I said before that I'd probably watch season 2 but I'm not so sure now? I'm sure all of this has already been said so I'm just going to add to the pile but whatever. Sorry for any typos, I'm a little sick and I'm not gonna reread it all.

[fantasyprojector-blog]

The Best of Greek Mythology

Zeus: King of the Furies

It is common knowledge that if a white van pulls up to a curb where children are playing and the person driving the van offers them candy, that the children should not take the candy. That they should in fact, run and call the police. So with this in mind, picture this: instead of a white van it’s a white bull that smells like flowers and instead of children it’s a group of beautiful maidens picking flowers or some other bull shit pastime like that. Of course these maidens aren't as smart as your average child nowadays and went to go see this Chanel smelling bull. Here is where the proverbial candy comes into play, the bull lowers himself in front of Europa, who was the sexiest of the maidens to which she then climbs onto his back only to find SURPRISE BITCH! It’s the fuck boi, king of the gods himself, Zeus. Who then galivants off into the sea with her on his back in a successful maiden-napping to his home base Crete. To pass the time on their journey Zeus tells Europea of all the strong, powerful, male children she will bear for him. Sounds like a great time.

Aphrodite, Ares, Hephaestus: The classic love triangle

We've all seen the horrible teen angst filled romantic movies with a shy, courageous, beautiful female lead and her two love interests: the bad boy McHottie pants and the nerdy best friend. Well this is the OG love triangle. Aphrodite was married off to Hephaestus (against her will might I add). It was a train wreck marriage: they both slept around and were producing demigod offsprings left and right. Even though Hephaestus was whipping his dick out every chance he got, he still expected Aphrodite to be faithful. So after he found out that she was playing “hide the spear” with the God of War everything went to shit. Instead of handling the situation like a mature adult, Hephaestus decided to wait until the two lovers were involved in an intense round of twister and then capture them in a unbreakable net. After the two were captured Hephaestus invited all of the other gods and goddess to come witness this shameful act however, much to Hephaestus’s dismay, only the male gods showed up so they could get some new images for their mental spank bank.

The battle for Athens

“Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.” What is more embarrassing than see your ex in public? Losing a contest for a city to them. As Shakespeare so nicely put it, losing a city to them in a contest. Athena and Poseidon had an ancient grudge: they used to date and then Poseidon couldn't keep it in his pants, so Athena cursed his baby mama and it was one colossal mess of epic proportions. Any way onto the actual story. After Athena and Poseidon called it quits, this snake dude, who was the mayor of a small town in Greece decided to hold a contest for patronage of his city. Athena and Poseidon rose to this challenge to prove their worth. Poseidon gave the city a river but instead of a freshwater river, he gave them a saltwater river. While Athena gave the city a big ass olive tree. The people chose Athena as the patron and named their city Athens. So Poseidon, in the spirit of good sportsmanship cursed Athens to forever have water shortages. The dickhead.

Apollo’s Sexuality Apollo had many many lovers as he was a freewheeling bisexual but two of his most famous love stories are that of Daphne and Hyacinthus. Daphne was river nymph, whose sexual orientation leaned towards asexual aromantic side of the spectrum. Unfortunately for her, she caught the eye of Apollo, who then continuously tried to get into her toga. One day when Apollo got to close Daphne said, “Fuck it, turn me into a tree,” and thus she became a laurel tree, much to Apollo’s chagrin. On the other side of the sexuality color wheel, there was Hyacinthus, who was the ultimate closeted, “no homo” frat boy bro, who was everything a bisexual Sun God could ask for. After their bromance turned into romance, Hyacinthus managed to catch the eye of an uber gay twink Wind God, he soon became jealous of the bro-romance between Hyacinthus and Apollo, so he cursed a frisbee to kill the frat boy bro. So the next time the lovers went to play frisbee golf it got bloody. Distraught by the death of his love, Apollo fully realized his kink for flora and fauna and turned Hyacinthus into a flower.

Artemis and the peeping tom

Nothing is more deadly than a woman scorned who knows magic and wields a bow and arrow. This is a PSA for any men who think it’s okay to watch women change, shower, or do anything in a violating way. Artemis was just enjoying a lovely outdoor bath surrounded by nymphs, when she was realized she was being watched by a Brock Turner like fucker. So, instead of getting all upset, she decided to turn him into a stag, to which she the proceeded to shoot full of arrows while her hunting dogs attacked him. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Taken: Staring Demeter, the Goddess of Agriculture (and One Pissed off Mother)

What would you do if your child was stolen from you? Obviously you would throw all other duties to the side and and try to find your lost child. This is essentially what happened to Demeter. Hades fell in love with Persephone and then he decided to kidnap her ass the way down to hell or the underworld, whatever. Demeter then went into full Liam Neeson mode trying to find her daughter. Eventually, after several explosions, a few torture sessions, and the death of many, many crops, Demeter finally found her daughter in hell. While the epic movie was happening above, the romcom of a century was happening below. Persephone actually ended up falling in love with Hades and soon became the best Queen hell has ever seen. Unfortunately, no one told Demeter, that so after Demeter and Hades had a Jason Bourne showdown the conflict was resolved. Persephone now splits her time between the mortal world and the world of the dead.

Gods Zeus: Remember that perverted relative that everyone has? That’s Zeus. He's the king of the gods, sky, and rape. He can’t keep it in his pants and he likes to keep it in the family.

Poseidon: Fuck boi to the max! He's the kind of guy that you just want to punch his teeth in. Not only is he a major douchebag, but he's also God of the Seas, so you know that he's the champion of the “hold my beer,” challenge that results in thousands of sailors deaths.

Hades: Think the weird, quiet scene kid, but with a hint of over dramatic death metal thrown into the mix. God of the underworld, dead, and riches, no wonder he still listens to MCR; he has an aesthetic to maintain.

Ares: He’s the jock that’ll fuck your girl, wreck your car, and destroy you in beer pong, not care or stop when he gets caught and he always seems to be getting into fights. He’s the guy that comes back to his old high school to cheer on the football team and then run down to the field to show them how it’s REALLY done. God of War, my dick is too big for this condom, the ladies (ugh gross), and Axe Body Spray.

Hephaestus: Remember all of the sexually repressed nerds in high school? The ones somehow grew up to be super successful but then turned around and became total ass hats with no respect for women? That is this guy right here. He currently holds the title for ugliest god ever, a title which he has held onto for a several millennia now. God of the forge, technology and general misogyny.

Apollo: The OG Dorian Gray. God of the Sun and flower crowns

Goddesses

Artemis: Ask her about her feminist agenda. Do it. I dare you to. Goddess of the Hunt, pussy power, and badassery.

Athena: She's the valedictorian, student council president, and she slaughters everyone in PE. Goddess of smart people and military victory.

Demeter: She is the mama bear that you don’t fuck with unless you want her to fuck with your allergies. She also knows how to have a good time because wine and will feed you when you come over.

Persephone: ‘But mmmmooooommmmmm, I love him,”. Think of the sweetest person you know and then give them pink throwing stars. Goddess of spring time and ima fuck you up and smile innocently while doing it.

Hera: Think crazy southern belle pageant mom, who forces religion onto her children and washes it down with sweet tea. Goddess of the home and picture perfect families.  

Aphrodite: Goddess of love, beauty, and all things sexy. This is the person you would come to for advice, because she knows her way around the bedroom and men's or people's hearts. I actually don’t know her sexuality.