#all of my friends are apologists and feel attacked whenever i talk about him

[frenchiefan]

The Great Izzy Hands Divide

Hello all. I come to you a Izzy neutral, huge TV enjoyer with media studies background, here to try and answer the fandom’s polarizing, puzzling, and at time painful question of what is this Izzy divide? And how do we move on from it so we can all have fun, and everyone can feel safe. 

And not get viscous over whatever happens in season 2. 

As it’s clear-I’m writing anonymously because the tension has gotten-that intense and I’m earnestly afraid of backlash from both sides. That’s not to say EVERYONE in the OFMD twitter/tumblr fandom is part of this polarizing Izzy divide, but the discussions, discourses, pain, and attacks, have become so loud I believe most people-even a neutral person like myself have heard about them/seen them on our twitters/tumblrs. I love this show so much and have been in the online community since it aired in March, so a lot of this is based on my observations-and from what friends on each side have told me. For the sake of protecting everyone who has received online hate or are just trying to have fun in fandom-I won’t be listing any usernames, or quoting specific tweets/blog posts, but if you’re doubtful about any of my talking points you need only check Izzy tags on tumblr/twitter. 

My hope in this meta is to unpack what’s going on, where are these sides coming from, what do they seem to believe, and how can we collectively move forward no matter how we feel about Izzy to just have fun with an extremely inclusive, progressive, funny, romantic, and queer show that’s obviously meant very much to many of us in terms of representation. My biggest goal is making folks feel able to have fun in fandom spaces-and everyone to be a little kinder. 

So to start off-let me do my best to summarize what is going on for those who aren’t active on twitter/tumblr or are so deep on one side/in a corner they don’t see much discourse: 

In some pockets of the fandom there is a very heated schism over the character of Izzy Hands that goes beyond just ‘folks who dislike Izzy as a character’ and ‘folks who like Izzy as a character’. 

There are those who proclaim his character is inherently horrible and irredeemable and anyone who is a big fan of him must by proxy, be a horrible person too. For the sake of this analysis these are the “Izzy-haters”. The opposite side appears to be a group who really adore Izzy, and see him as a much softer and sympathetic antagonist/anti-hero and believe those who hate Izzy lack empathy or are very puritanical and are misreading his character. I’ll refer to them as the “Izzy-apologists”. 

So how did this come about? And why’s that worth writing meta on? Don’t all fandoms have character and ships wars and so on? Absolutely. But it’s gotten to the point some people are getting constantly harassed and doxed or people are afraid to even share thoughts or fan-made content about the show without fear of retaliation or being dragged into a divide. So where does this fall in the context of fandom? 

Whenever a character becomes a fan favorite, some of their fans look for ways to justify their actions, and/or ship them with numerous people. This happens in all fandoms. Look at Harry Potter (cringe I know, absolutely fuck JK Rowling, but I’m assuming it’s popular enough you all know the reference I will make here), back in its hay-day one of the most popular ships was with Harry and his constant bully/rival Draco-because Draco became such a fandom darling. This was called ‘slash’ shipping, to purposefully ship two characters together who were enemies/rivals/at odds in the media and it has remained very common in all fandoms. 

It’s not a bizarre phenomena for people to relate/find an antagonist sexy and want to put them in situations, especially if they get exciting romantic/sexual tension out of it. People can like villains/antagonists for many reasons: maybe it’s their confidence, their camp, their backstory is complex, or something as simple as their design is sexy. It’s not bizarre either, for fandom to develop characters with little to no backstory or fill in parts of their backstory that ‘fanon’ (fan content considered canon amongst a fandom) becomes so big it’s challenged between fans if someone rejects it-even if it has no canonical basis in the media itself. 

So Izzy fans (I say fans not apologists yet) began doing so, writing Izzy fic, making Izzy art, making Izzy/Ed backstories, so on and so forth. Typical fandom behavior. However as is also typical fandom behavior-some people don’t enjoy seeing some of those slash pairings, when the canonical interactions between those characters involved pain. So certain fans began making it clear they didn’t want to see it/disliked it. Others pointed out some Ed characterization in certain pieces of content could be slightly problematic in terms of racial stereotypes if it involved making Ed as consistently violent toward Izzy after canon implied Ed only resorted to violence toward him for having his life threatened. And again, as usual in fandom, a few overzealous folks can really stir the pot and make it worse for everyone. 

From what I observed: a few key ‘Izzy-haters’ popped up and began making the sweeping generalization that all big “Izzy fans” were racists and white, for liking Izzy in any capacity after he hurt his POC boss Ed. Some of those folks were big on twitter, and POC themselves, so their voices reached far-and well-lots of people wanting to be sure they didn’t get called racists themselves or accidently support something racist quickly joined in on these call-outs and the mounting generalizations regarding any sort of sympathetic Izzy content that diverged from canon. This generalizations became about the fans of Izzy themselves than just Izzy. 

Logically, for the Izzy fans who weren’t going to be shamed into dropping their favorite character, this led to them becoming very defensive of Izzy to defend themselves. Arguments came up that Izzy was actually harmless, Stede was just as bad as Izzy, or the other characters’ actions against Izzy were far worse and the show’s framing was wrong to cast him as ‘the worst’, ‘Izzy is fictional and it doesn’t matter-the show is itself is messily written so is anyone to criticize Izzy’. These folks became “Izzy-apologists”, who instead of just being fans of Izzy-would only be fans of Izzy if they could prove he was unproblematic. 

Things escalated and escalated with people getting intense on each side. An Izzy-apologist made a rape joke that went a mini-viral about wishing sexual assault on all people who hate Izzy. Some POC felt uncomfortable staying in fandom or going through main tags from some of the stereotyping HCs/content around characters of color shipped with Izzy. It bears noting though, the most extreme harm appears to have been done toward the Izzy fans group. There was an instance where doxing was attempted and potentially succeeded against an Izzy fan, with a bunch of their closest followers being threatened as well, leading a large major of Izzy fans  on twitter to become especially anxious, and turn even the most neutral person, or mild Izzy fan, into a stern Izzy-apologist out of fear that anyone who aligned themselves with “Izzy-haters” would commit the same kind of horrifyingly harmful behavior that could affect peoples’ off-line lives. And that if they couldn’t prove Izzy was actually a harmless character-they were in danger for openly liking him. 

So that leads us to our current state of affairs. Some Izzy-haters proudly proclaim their disdain for Izzy and his big fans, occasionally getting into arguments with apologists over how much Izzy is at fault vs Ed, or dismissing anyone who likes Izzy in any capacity as racist. Any POC who claim to be an Izzy-fan are often erased or accused of race-faking or internalized racism. People who seem to support Izzy ships/art/fics with likes/retweets that are sympathetic toward him are characterized as apologists or racist as well. Izzy-apologists or stans get hateful anons on tumblr or mean quote retweets on twitter. Pretty hostile. 

On the flip side, some Izzy-apologists have taken to calling anyone who doesn’t outright love Izzy, or mainly engage in canon ship content as “Gentle-beardies” and speak about them in mocking, referring to them as boring, mean people who lack sympathy for Izzy because he’s an underdog or an old man who isn’t attractive enough to get sympathy. There’s a belief from some that if you profess any dislike toward Izzy you’re probably an asshole who’s ready to dox everybody who does like Izzy. Many POC are often shut-down or ignored-or told they don’t understand history/media studies when they point out issues with certain Izzy HCs/fics. People who dislike Izzy or pointed out in his laws in good faith have also received hateful anons or mocking quote retweets. Again-pretty hostile.

And that leaves…a lot of tense neutral people in the middle. Anyone who ranges from mildly enjoying Izzy to disliking him without making it personal. Folks who would happily write fics or do art or funny HCs about their thoughts on Izzy with others but are afraid to get lumped in any category. People trying to appease sets of friends who will react very strongly if you seem to lean to one side of the Izzy divide that isn’t their own. 

So I’d like to try…and see if I can try and break down where these two groups' beliefs are spanning from-and see if there is someone who is actually ‘right’ in all this. I think I recently cracked the code on why no matter how many debates break out on twitter or tumblr over Izzy there never seems to be any progress to peace-and it is because the two sides are viewing Izzy in extremely different lenses. 

Let’s start with the Izzy-haters. From what I’ve gathered, they’re of the belief Izzy is an extremely racist, homophobic, irredeemable bigoted character, a la a neo-nazi biker at the bar who’s bad side suddenly comes out once he gets a chance to show his power. Therefore anyone who is somehow seeing Izzy as sympathetic or redeemable is clearly harboring those internalized racisms or homophobias themselves. This lens sees Izzy as the ultimate villain of the show, it views Izzy in the frame of history in the show’s time period, as a white man with the power of whiteness in the 1700s, which he uses to bully others and eventually tear down Ed mentally. 

Their evidence usually comes from the following talking points: 

Izzy’s treatment of crew of color: consistently bullies and talks down Fang and Ivan, and once in power uses it to have crew of color doing hard labor. 

Izzy hates gay people: Izzy mocks Lucius when he catches him with Pete and clearly targets him for his overt feminine labeled qualities of queerness-similar to his distain for Stede and his lack of more traditional masculinity. 

Izzy sees Ed as an animal: Izzy sees Ed as an object and only wants to see him living out a stereotype of a violent POC, and Izzy sells out Ed to the English in episode 8 just to have control of him afterwards. 

Izzy-apologists look at Izzy in a nearly opposite light. Izzy is not so much a villain, as just a misunderstood antagonist-or even anti-hero/prickly old man who is harmless at the end of the day. He’s short, he has stomach issues, he doesn’t have that much power. He’s relatable because he’s trying his best at his job and his boss doesn’t appreciate him. This lens looks at Izzy as a queer, lower socio-economic, character without much power in the story he’s in, just trying his best to stay alive in the harsh world of piracy. 

The Izzy-apologists often answer the above Izzy-Hater points with these arguments: 

Izzy’s actions are not from racism & do not cause that kind of harm: Izzy is frustrated no one is working as hard as him on the ship since Ed is busy playing dress up, Fang is off getting sketched, and Izzy is just trying to survive, hence why he’s so harsh to everyone, and tired of being underappreciated. Race has nothing to do with it. 

Izzy is gay himself and therefore can’t be homophobic: Izzy is clearly in love with Ed, as evidenced from interviews with Con O’neill & David Jenkins, and Izzy is just annoyed with Lucius and Stede being rich and/or is jealous of them and their freedom to be be openly queer.

Izzy is in love with Ed and served him for years: Izzy would not work for a man of color for years and try to protect him if he was racist. Izzy thought Calico Jack would get Ed out of the English raid before they showed up and only ‘took custody’ of Ed to save his life after things back-fired. 

Both of these sides can seem pretty persuasive on their own without any context. And when the two groups are looking at Izzy in such vastly different lenses it makes sense why neither is ever going to agree or compromise on their viewpoints. It would be like a set of people arguing about the abilities of a rabbit-but one side thinks they’re talking about “Bugs Bunny” from “Looney Toons” and the other thinks they’re talking about “Thumper” from Disney’s “Bambi”. If one side goes “Well the rabbit loves wearing dresses” the other is going to call them outright liar-since they think they’re talking about an entirely different rabbit. They are very rarely going to reach a compromise because they are coming from two vastly different perceptions of what a rabbit is-just like these two sides are coming from two vastly different perceptions of who Izzy is and what he does. 

So is either side “right”? As a neutral person, with friends on each side, here’s my perspective. 

Let’s get to the elephant in the room. Is Izzy racist/homophobic or just misunderstood? That is the question. Because most progressive queer fans of a progressive queer show, would be very uncomfortable if they were stanning a character who was akin to “Hans Landa”( the Nazi from Inglorious Basterds or “Calvin Candie”(the plantation owner from “Django Unchianed). But because a few Izzy-Hater people very vocally read Izzy as akin to a Hans or Calvin, Izzy-apologists in the last few months went into full gear doing their best to assert-Izzy lacks any power and carries identities that would make it impossible for him to be like any of those characters, with metas, HCs, fics, and so on. 

I think the real answer comes from a misunderstanding of racism on both sides. A lot of people-especially white people, often think of racism in all or nothing terms. You’re either card-carrying Neo-Nazi member of the KKK, who loves Brexit to get rid of immigrants, or a monthly supporter of the ACLU, NAACP, and all other progressive racial rights groups who have never said or done a racist thing in their life. 

The reality is unfortunately and fortunately much more nuanced. Anti-racism studies tell us most of Western society itself was built on foundations of white supremacy and heteropatriarchy. Most countries of the world were colonized at some point, and had racist laws and processes built into their civilization. So small and big acts of racism exist every single day. Many people will do or say racist or homophobic things toward one group or another without ever intentionally trying to hurt anyone-but still have horrible impact-or an impact that adds to a smaller effect but still long term process of alienating others which becomes harmful. 

So what does that mean? It means people can often be racist or homophobic, or sexist or abliest, without ever consciously choosing to. Now it’s important to point out-in a good portion of those situations the harm they cause won’t be as intense as say, someone who is consciously and deliberately bigoted trying to get the outcome of causing pain to a group they have prejudice toward. The constant messages and systems in our society can contribute to something called “internalized bias” where society conditions a person to think about a certain group one way. In example-none of us have ever met a real elf, but so much media containing elves paints them as elegant, woodland, intelligent, and snobbish-that we would describe an elf like that if asked and expect them to behave like so. Well the same thing can happen when we see and hear stories of certain races stereotyped certain ways-we just assume certain certain behaviors are part of their defaults based on the stories we’ve been told-which can lead to far more dangerous situations if a group is being stereotyped as criminal or dangerous. 

But that doesn’t mean those people who are causing the smaller acts of unintentional harm, or unconsciously causing harm, should be entirely dismissed as innocent by naivete, and therefore allowed to go on. If a child breaks a window with a football you wouldn’t arrest them for deliberate vandalism-but nor would you simply ignore the matter without having a conversation about how to use footballs in the future to avoid breaking other peoples’ windows. 

Okay, what does this have to do with Izzy? Or Our Flag Means Death? If you check the meta tags of tumblr or articles written on the show, the queue is long of people who have analyzed and pointed out how well the show addresses race, racism, and so on in the show. It’s not a race blind show unlike some media adaptations (Like Bridgerton) where the different power structures of race in the modern day or the show’s time period, is never acknowledged. Episode five is extremely explicit in its addresses of race from how my fav Frenchie and Oluwande are treated. It addresses the inequalities of the 1700s while updating our protagonists enough from their asshole historical counterparts, that the show becomes and inclusive progressive story where racists are punished for their behavior. The show understands the nuance of racism and homophobia though, showcasing sometimes those unconscious moments can come up even from characters who mean well. 

We actually see a good number of unconscious acts of racism in the show-like when Stede and Pete assume the Native Nation ate the hostages when they’re captured in Episode two, or when Stede stays awkwardly silent to Badminton’s comments about his “colorful crew” in Episode one. It’s obvious the most egregious racists though in the show are meant to be the English navy, from the comments to their innuendos, to their positioning as the most disruptive villains in the show. If there are the equivalent to modern day hate-groups or bigots in the show-it’s them based on textual canon evidence alone. 

By that assertion-we know Izzy is not part of the navy. He is a pirate, he works with crew of color, and is in the show until episode 9 following most of Ed’s, a man of color, orders. Additionally, Izzy would not have sought the advice of Spanish Jackie, a black woman, if he were truly so bigoted he could not stand being below/taking help or orders from people of color. Therefore from what we’ve seen, it’s not really fair of Izzy-haters to assert Izzy is an absolute to his core violent bigot, and anyone who manages to love him after watching the show must be one too

To Izzy-haters’ points about Izzy mistreating the crew of color-it’s worth noting he’s just as awful to Pete and Lucius who are white in the show too. Izzy is clearly a grump who doesn’t have much affection or respect for anyone-unless they’re high ranking above him and proved their worth as a pirate like Ed or Jackie. 

As for Izzy being overtly homophobic-as in hating any form of homosexuality or same-sex relations, that doesn’t entirely track with him inviting Calico Jack to help when its made clear to Ed and Jack have had a previous sexual relationship. Granted-maybe Izzy wasn’t around or didn’t know that, but it bears thinking he probably knew Jack wasn’t entirely heterosexual, or Ed if he’s had previous relationships with men and Izzy continued working for him. 

To the final point of Izzy-haters, being that Izzy only sees Ed as an animal-it’s clear Izzy respected Ed’s reputation as Blackbeard and did care enough about him to send Calico Jack to try and save him before the English attacked, and make sure the English couldn’t execute him when it turned out he was there. Izzy says it himself in the text he’s “honored” to work for the “legendary Blackbeard” so he has some respect for that figure and humbleness toward it as well. There is some subtext to be gleamed from how Izzy smiles when Ed chokes him or even appears delighted after he realizes Ed has forced him to eat his toe, that he does harbor some sort of romantic or sexual feelings toward Ed-at least when he’s in his Blackbeard persona. 

With all that said, I think canon evidence of season one makes it clear to us Izzy is no Hans or Calvin, and therefore his fans are not stanning or attracted the show’s equivalent of a Neo-Nazi. It’s extremely unfair to decide anyone who is a fan of Izzy is racist, because the comedy of the show and nuance to his character make it clear that’s not his sole role in the show. So liking Izzy in and of itself is not an issue, and should not be treated as a crime or generalized that only “white” or “XYZ” people like Izzy. And it definitely should not lead to people jumping to the conclusion someone who likes Izzy is harboring some deep hatred themselves, or is anyway worthy of doxing/stalking/etc. 

So is that it-insanely long meta over-the Izzy-apologists are right? Well-as I said this is nuanced-as is the concept of racism and bigotry. While the text shows us Izzy is not to the level of bigot of a Neo-Nazi, I do think the text makes it clear to us Izzy is the antagonist for a reason and not a misunderstood little guy. 

A lot of Izzy-fan content delves into the idea of the hidden world of Izzy. There are popular posts out there that say things like “Say what you want about Izzy but if a child handed him a toy phone he would answer it” although we never see him interact with children in the show. There are lots of HCs about his backstory, many certain Izzy must come from a poor, working class background due to Oluwande’s comment that “most pirates don’t choose this lifestyle”. There’s especially a lot of fan content generated around Izzy’s subtextual and interview commented on queerness.  

Izzy is shipped with almost every male character in the show, especially with Ed and Stede or sometimes both at once. There are tons of metas and fics about Izzy’s repressed homosexuality and the shame and struggle he carries trying to be masucline in the rough world of piracy. Izzy being a trans man is an extremely popular headcanon too, to the point polls and threads and blog posts have been made about it. Some users have remarked they see Izzy as “inherently” trans, because of how much of an outsider he seems to them, referring to the fact he is shorter, teased, and seems unable to have the man of his desires, Ed. 

It’s clear Izzy-apologists see Izzy from this lens. A queer man, who is teased, overlooked, and unable to get the things he has worked so hard for and truly desires. He is not some swaggering Chris Evans pretty-boy, he is a small, easily flustered man-and he earns their sympathy and at times empathy. In comparison to Ed and Stede who are taller, and seem to be getting what they want from the narrative, Izzy is an underdog. He doesn’t have Ed’s charm and looks or Stede’s money and influence over Ed. So Izzy apologists will often assert Stede is a far worse character than Izzy-a rich queer man invading spaces and who callously ignores Ed’s feelings abandoning him on the beach. Izzy’s pushing of Ed to be Blackbeard is only so Ed will survive in the world of piracy, as much as it hurt Ed. 

For some Izzy-apologists Ed’s cutting off his Izzy’s toe was absolutely abusive and not a justified retaliation for the threat on his life, and shift the entire focus of the narrative that Izzy has been Ed’s constant victim-a trope that appears in many Izzy-apologist centered fics. Izzy is an “attack dog” or “sex toy” or “butler” to Ed-just tirelessly working for Ed all these years, out of desperation he’ll someday appreciate him. Some even are certain Izzy is Ed’s oldest friend. And the cruelest thing is Izzy is completely overlooked when an incompetent richer, and more effortlessly masculine man shows up and steals Ed’s heart. 

This viewpoint seems to be why Izzy-apologists to dismiss any accusations of racism or homophobia in fics or HCs, and label themselves the ‘fun’ part of the fandom, recounting fans of canon couples as dull and unimaginative or unable to empathize with the struggle of someone as marginalized as Izzy. 

The thing is, Izzy is not as marginalized in the canonical text as this popular fanon has made him out to be. As far as we know, canonically, Izzy is a cis white man, who has gained the benefits of it in the pirate world of OFMD. There’s nothing in the text to indicate he is poor or struggling, or specifically comes from an impoverished background. One could equally argue he came from a naval background hence his sense of his discipline like many historical pirates just as easily -as there just as little evidence. His first introduction is intimidating and held up as a contrast from Stede’s bumbling, that Izzy is the kind of ideal, masculine, pirate who commands respect. He nearly slices Stede apart in sword play until Oluwande and Pete assist in distracting Fang and Ivan. 

In Izzy’s next appearance he commands respect in Spanish Jackie’s bar, with just his name getting Jackie to pause in her actions after she’s been shown to take no shit from anyone else present in the scene. It’s an entire point of episode three Izzy is insanely frustrated by Stede because he is the first person to best Izzy at stealing hostages in a long time-which is also noted as a surprising thing by Ed. Izzy is not a powerless little guy, he is second in command on the most powerful pirate’s ship. Within the show’s context he is a picture of ideal masculinity that pirates would strive for, because in the world of OFMD there no Marvel-esque Chris Evanses. No male character with a six pack and chiseled jaw. They cast handsome Con O’Neill for a reason-who has earned the admiration for his looks and attractiveness from other cast members like Nathan Foad (Lucius) and Vico Ortiz (Jim). So yes Izzy does get more respect than someone like Lucius or Stede off the revenge, hence at least one of the reasons he's baffled by the revenge itself. And it could be a multitude of reasons Izzy bullies Lucius and Stede-maybe it is internalized homophobia, jealousy of their open flamboyancy or past wealth, or maybe he just finds them annoying in general. In the end why he does it can be debated forever, but it's clear he does do it, because he is an antagonist in season 1. 

As for Izzy’s loyalty or submissiveness to Ed-this is also contradicted by canon. Izzy disobeys Ed-multiple times. He doesn’t tell Stede “Blackbeard” wants to speak to him in episode two-and ignores Ed’s order to not duel Stede in episode six. Izzy tells Ed point blank in episode four he was honored to work for the “legendary blackbeard” which is the only reason he tolerated Ed’s changing moods-which surmises Izzy only knew Ed after he became Blackbeard, not as a long loyal childhood friend. Izzy is ready to leave the moment he thinks Ed has officially become an embarrassment and lost his mind in episode four, until Ed offers him the chance to become the new captain once he disappears after using Stede to fake his death. Which Izzy excitedly agrees to, delighted to see Ed’s ruthless side back again and not at all sad about the idea Ed will leave. Lastly, Izzy’s taunting of Ed in episode ten and calling him a ‘namby-pampy’ does not appear for the benefit of Ed’s survival, because he did not take this step when Ed was most vulnerable crying in a blanket fort. He only took this step when Ed decides he no longer wants to be Blackbeard, which means Izzy looses out a chance to have status by being associated with the most powerful pirate.

And as for Izzy’s queerness, yes there is a lot of subtext and interviews which strongly indicate Izzy is not heterosexual, but that doesn’t mean queer individuals are incapable of perpetuating homophobia themselves. Even within the Queer community there’s plenty of gate-keeping that happens amongst queers, and even if we decide Izzy himself is gay and in love with Ed in his own way, it doen’t diminish he clearly has a distinct idea of how queer men should carry themselves, with a distain for those who behave overtly classified feminine such as Lucius, or Stede (Or Ed in episode ten-hence the specific insult of “pining in a silk robe” toward him from Izzy). 

So no, Izzy is not a misunderstood, oppressed figure in the show with a secret heart of gold. He is the antagonist very much so, and painting Izzy’s behavior as softer or justified by increasing the violence of Ed or ignoring the context, is something that is not just harmful to POC fans, but to those who consume fic and internalize those stereotypes getting put forth. Whether Izzy’s harm to Ed is because he selfishly needed him to be Blackbeard, or he had an internalized bias, or maybe he really in some backwards way wanted to ‘help’ Ed-it’s not insane that some fans and especially POC fans are going to notice the dynamic of race in these interactions-and how Ed being pressured into remaining a hyper violent persona by a white man is impossible to see without some element of internalized bias in place on Izzy’s part. Izzy is the antagonist for a reason, and people are allowed to find fault and discuss the villainous elements of him, without folks acting like it is a personal attack. 

So what’s the point of all this? Am I trying to police Izzy-apologists they have to drop all their HCs and only ship canon content? Saying dark content with slash ships has no place in fandom at all? Not at all. Non-canonical ships have existed forever in fandom-so have villain/antagonist love. So has kinky, dark, and dubious content. Ship whoever you want to ship, and have whatever favorite character you want. Everyone deserves to have fun playing characters in fandom space without fear of being doxed or sent threats if they do so in a way another fan dislikes. Fandom content does have to be restricted to keeping things canonical and have the fun of canon is making AUs or putting characters in situations they'll never be in during canon. 

There’s nothing weird about liking or relating to a villain. Everyone loved Walter White during “Breaking Bad”’s hay day (hence why the show was so big) but we didn’t see a rise in folks running off and cooking meth-and even today as I see the queer community reclaiming Jessie and Walt from the show-I don’t see folks accusing them of planning to go cook meth. Izzy fans can love Izzy and see parts of themselves in him without implying they would treat Ed the way Izzy did or share every single belief Izzy has. Just like people can relate to Walt for being powerless and angry in his life-WITHOUT resorting to cooking meth and becoming  drug lords-Izzy fans can relate to Izzy from feeling overlooked at work without meaning they’re going to bully their friends into behaving a certain way. Izzy fans should not feel forced to become Izzy-apologists and well apologize for liking Izzy, or feel obligated to soften his edges. 

But Izzy-apologists should be mindful of tagging their content that especially veers into slash-and also be open to hearing if the content they’re putting in main tags or sharing amongst themselves is leaning into harmful real-world stereotypes which can perpetuate peoples’ biases. 

So with that said-I want to assert Izzy is the antagonist yes-but he’s not the Neo-Nazi from an Indiana Jones movie. Fanon Izzy has captured both sides of the Izzy debate some have forgotten what a real rabbit (the real Izzy) is like, and rewatching the show may help lift some of those lenses for folks. As of now Izzy stands at a crossroads-season 2 may push him into redemption or increase the stakes of his antagonism. 

If Izzy does end up with a redemption arc and Izzy-haters need to be prepared to trust Jenkins and his writing team, that they do not loose faith in OFMD because it doesn’t go the way they hoped. 

And with that said-I urge the Izzy-apologists the same, if Izzy doesn’t get a redemption arc and becomes worse, or is written out-it isn’t from fan pressure or a sudden 180 on the writer’s part. It’s part of David Jenkins’ vision which he’s stated he knew from the start of the story. 

So what’s the consensus, where do we go from here? Here’s my suggestion based on the observations listed above: 

Izzy-haters: Please recognize Izzy is more nuanced than you think, and even if season 2 puts him further him down his villain path, let Izzy fans exist in peace. You can block them, or mute them, or just ignore them. Unless they’re threatening folks if you can’t handle them enjoying Izzy in any capacity, you need to just let them be because it is just fiction and there are many many ways to enjoy a story or have fun with it. There are plenty of POC who like Izzy and and ALL of his fans do not deserve to be called names or accused of racism just for simply liking Izzy. Real people should not be getting over fictional character’s rights. 

Izzy-apologists: Please recognize Izzy is the antagonist for a reason, and people in good faith commenting on it is not an attack on you personally even if some Izzy-haters made you think so. Loving Izzy should not involve making the rest of characters, especially those of color, into harsher, crueler versions of themselves to make Izzy’s actions pale in comparison. If you can’t enjoy him without doing so, then please keep that especially dark content out of the main tags so people aren’t subject to racial or queer stereotypes that can be harmful. Real people should not be getting over a fictional character’s rights. 

All of us: can take things in better faith, be more patient, learn to block & mute people if we stumble into their territory and they aren’t forcing their version of things down our throats. If we really do see content we think is going to hurt other people-we should address people privately in good faith assuming it was an accident and have a discussion about it. There is no reason any person should be sent anon hate or doxed over fictional characters. And if we start feeling overwhelmed-take a step back and breathe. Remember fandom should be fun. 

And we should all remember-we shouldn’t be making sweeping generalizations about people or name-calling based on their favorite characters. 

If you read any of this about the actions of “Izzy-haters” or “Izzy-apologists” and realized you might’ve contributed to some of their more toxic actions and perhaps I’ve persuaded you to reconsider-posting an open tweet or tumblr post of peace would be a nice step forward. “Sorry I called all Izzy fans toxic moving forward I realize that was unfair I won’t do it again” or “Sorry I said anyone who dislikes Izzy is prude and unempathetic I realize that was unfair and I won’t do it again”. 

Well thanks for getting this far with me folks. I appreciate you taking the time to read this, I know it was a long one. My main goal is just that we all feel at peace to like or dislike Izzy as much we naturally do-without fear of any sort of retaliation or having our personhood labeled over it. As someone with friends on both sides-we’re honestly missing out on great times in fandom if we let our perception on one character divide us so violently or make us cruel to one another. Fandom should be fun-and if this helps even one person on either of these split fractures be a little kinder or calmer, I’ll be so cheery.

-Cheers, Frenchie’s most devoted fan.  

TL;DR

Izzy is not a raging racist bigot, but that does not mean he’s pure and free of all wrong-doing or potential bias toward some characters. 

Liking Izzy or relating to him does not mean that person BEHAVES like Izzy or would do the same things he does. 

Do not refer to Izzy fans with generalized statements or accusations stating anyone who likes him must be a certain way.

Do not refer to Other character fans with generalized statements or accusations stating anyone who likes them must be a certain way.

A person is allowed to like Izzy without having to justify his actions. 

We are allowed to disagree on how we characterize or see certain characters without making it personal.

People are allowed and it is normal to make fan content that diverges from canon.

Other characters should not be turned into racial or queer stereotypes to soften Izzy’s actions-and if that’s the only way you can enjoy him, keep it out of the main tags. 

No one should EVER be doxxed or put in danger offline over their opinions on Izzy or any fictional character. 

Learn to just mute and block people whose opinions you hate. Fandom should be fun. Real people should not be getting over fictional character’s rights.

[mental-scurvy]

Okay fr tho I need more Izzy hands haters in my life, pls interact if you think the Stinky Man needs to go

[chalky]

The Commodification of c!Tubbo

This essay is unnecessary but I think about it too much so here you go

At this point, y’all are probably sick and tired of me rambling about c!Tubbo, as this is about all my original posts are. But, I feel as though this is an important aspect of his character that is either swept under the rug or never given any second glance.

Whether intentionally or not, Tubbo has been constantly commodified by allies and enemies alike (don’t even get me started on the fandom, that’s for a whole other post). Like, throughout the entire story of the Dream SMP, Tubbo has been looked down upon as a yes man, sidekick, or extension of another character who is incapable of making decisions for himself, which is such a degrading thing to experience for so long and explains why his character values himself so little.

This is a long one, heads up!

 I want to break up this dehumanization and commodification into three categories:

Tubbo is either a pawn (something to be used), a trophy(something to be owned), or a scapegoat(something to be blamed) to others.

Tubbo Seen as a Pawn:

Wilbur loved Tubbo, but his treatment of him during the Pogtopia arc was definitely sad to see. (Note: Wilbur was spiraling and his mental health was in shambles. He couldn’t help his paranoia and he deserved way better than the ending he got, but that doesn’t absolve the effects of his actions on others). First he took Tubbo on as a spy, a very dangerous role that landed him dead, but throughout Tubbo’s service Wilbur saw him as an obedient pawn, while not a loyal one. A pawn ready to turn to whatever authority figure commanded him best. His remarks about Tubbo being a yes man back this up, and the way he warns Tommy that Tubbo will betray them erases all of Tubbo’s identity and reduces it to that of a spy (again, this is born of Wilburs paranoia, this isn’t his fault).

Dream made it very clear that he regarded Tubbo as lesser than a toy, so obedient and trusting that he wasn’t worth keeping alive because he was so boring to him. The whole speech about Tubbo being worthless wasn’t even directed at him despite him being right there. Dream only addressed Tommy as if he was the one whose opinion on Tubbos fate mattered.

Jack Manifold literally used Tubbo’s trust to attempt to kill Tommy, saying that he was a sweet guy but way too gullible. No better way to treat someone as a pawn to further ones own agenda than by literally using them. (Him talking about how he’d be there to comfort Tubbo after the assisted murder of his best friend still mildly disturbs me).

Quackity managed to talk Tubbo into going through with the Butcher Army, using Tubbo’s power to further Quackity’s agenda (which, by Quackity’s own admission, did not revolve around the protection of L’manburg.) Quackity didn’t care that Tubbo was against violence, and pushed his concerns to the side in favor of his own ideas and kept comparing Tubbo to Schlatt whenever he acted in a way he disagreed with.

Speaking of, THE CONSTANT DISREGARD OF HIS DECISIONS AS PRESIDENT. His Cabinet never listened to him and lowkey every stream they had together was a bit frustrating to me (I’m also a sensitive bitch). They didn’t respect him in any way and undermined his authority UNTIL THEY NEEDED HIM TO SAVE EVERYONE’S LIFE. (Elaborated on in Scapegoat Category).

Technically, as much as I am a Tommy apologist, Tommy’s constant insistence that the Disc War needed to involve Tubbo kind of fits under this category. As much as Tubbo was happy to help, his involvement wasn’t really necessary, but Tommy needed someone to help him. This involvement nearly resulted in his willing death.

The only reason Dream even wanted to kill Tubbo, on top of perceiving him as useless, was to hurt Tommy and give him something of a “hero origin story” like Batman and his parents or Spider-Man and Uncle Ben. So, literally by Dream’s definition, he wanted to fridge Tubbo.

We could refer to Wilbur assigning Tubbo to presidency as Wilbur using him to make the explosion of L’manburg hurt more, but that feels like a stretch to me.

This may be a stretch, but after Tubbo is executed and Tommy starts getting mad at Technoblade, Wilbur eggs Tommy on by saying “Think of what he did to Tubbo,” while Tubbo is literally right there. His emotions on the event doesn’t matter to Wilbur, only how it impacted Tommy.

Tubbo Seen as a Prize/Trophy

The constant referral of Tubbo as something to be owned by someone, like during Wilburs speech of “he’s your Tubbo!”, is a bit off putting though I don’t think it’s meant to be malicious. Very rarely is the sentiment reversed, seen when Ghostbur gave Tubbo the Your Tommy compass, furthering the idea that Tubbo is an object, something to be sought after and secured with little opportunity for him to own something himself. It’s always “Tommy’s Tubbo”. Also when Schlatt gloated about having “his very own Tubbo”.

Tommy shows more possessive behaviors when dealing with the discovery of Ranboo and Tubbo’s marriage, asking about permission and insisting that Ranboo stole Tubbo from him. I’m sure this is subconscious, I know Tommy values Tubbo as a person but he still reduces Tubbo to an object to guard because he treasures his friend.

Another more vague example would be the fact that Schlatt exiled Wilbur and Tommy, but kept Tubbo as his right hand man even though it was clear he was on POG2020’s side. It was a way to insult Tommy, a way for Schlatt to add salt to the wound by keeping his best friend.

The Dream Team captured Tubbo very early into the Revolution, keeping him in a hole and holding him for ransom (this could be played off for laughs, I just remembered it). They also burned down his base, unrelated really but I remember it.

We could also count the way that Dream kept threatening to kill Tubbo if Tommy didn’t return the disc, but this feels like a mixture of pawn and prize, while still dehumanizing as it compares his value to that of music discs.

Yes, I am going to take c!Tommy joking about killing Michael to get Tubbo and Ranboo to break up so he can get Tubbo back seriously. The way he glared at Michael while holding an axe was just for the stream to see, if it was a joke I feel like he would have said it out loud. Even if it is a joke, laughing about taking something Tubbo loves away just to ruin his relationships is a bit yikes and frames Tubbo as something to be won back. You can ignore this if you didn’t see that moment as canon, but there are plenty of signs pointing to this being in character. (Also to be noted, Tubbo didn’t want to show Michael to Tommy, so Tommy ignored him and asked Ranboo instead, who immediately showed Tommy to Michael despite Tubbo’s clear worries)

Tubbo seen as a Scapegoat

His cabinet flip flopped back and forth on the decision to exile Tommy every five seconds. Whenever they spoke with Tubbo, they were all “You’re right! We’re going to listen to you! We have to do what’s right!” and then they hear a half baked plan and completely switch up on what they already agreed to do. (This happened twice. One at the sit down meeting where Tommy revealed Spirit and the cabinet joined Tommy in his mocking, only to blame him for how the meeting ended. Twice at the exile). So when Tubbo had to follow the original plan to, you know, make sure their country wasn’t put under lock and key until every citizen was eventually killed, his cabinet acted so shocked and betrayed and he was Schlatt and a dictator. It’s very true that he went against their plan (THAT THEY MADE FIVE MINUTES BEFOREHAND AFTER HAVING ALREADY AGREED TO THE FIRST PLAN FOR DAYS), but the way they treated him afterwards, as if he was a vile person for keeping his country safe, heavily impacted Tubbo’s mental state for a long time after. What I’m saying is Tubbo was set up to be the villain in that scenario, accidentally by his allies, and purposefully by Dream.

Tubbo was blamed for the destruction of L’manburg by Dream and a few others (also himself)

TUBBO IS CONSTANTLY BLAMED FOR THE BUTCHER ARMY ARC DESPITE IT BEING COMPLETELY THOUGHT OF AND LEAD BY QUACKITY (This is predominately fandom based).

The full blame for Tommy’s exile has rested on Tubbo (I will never forget Tommy calling him a monster), despite the fact he was manipulated and backed into a corner by Dream. Even when everyone has come to understand that Tommy was manipulated by Dream, the same doesn’t go for Tubbo and he’s hit with “imagine exiling your best friend” jokes many times.

Wilbur puts the decision of blowing people up at the festival on Tubbo’s shoulders, absolving him of the blame.

Schlatt made Tubbo tear down the L’manburg walls and the important signs so he could have to deal with the blame (though Quackity took the fall for this).

This is more theory based, but I fully believe Wilbur made Tubbo president right in front of Techno to egg him on to attack L’manburg. Since Tubbo would be the president, he would take the full brunt of Techno’s wrath (and he and Tommy did), and the destruction fell onto him.

So! With my text evidence we can see a recurring pattern in the way that Tubbo has been used by many people over the history of the server without much regard for his feelings. There are very few times when people besides Tommy ask how Tubbo feels about a situation, leaving him to his dark thoughts without anybody caring. Even during the Final Disc War, when Tubbo was literally moments from death, nobody asks how he is. Nobody (except Quackity once) checks up on him, and he builds up his community by himself. Until Ranboo came along, and I am not overexaggerating this, nobody was with Tubbo to support him. He had no support system and nobody cared. They just assume that he is always fine and if he wasn’t, it isn’t their place to intervene. Tubbo is just not respected, feared, or acknowledged unless he has someone by his side, or unless he’s doing something bad in which case he’s unhinged and evil and sure to have a villain arc.

This is just something to find interesting:

The only few characters Tubbo is actively involved with that hasn’t looked down on him as a sidekick or an object has been Foolish, Puffy, Ranboo and Technoblade. You could make an argument of how Technoblade referring to him as “government” could be dehumanizing but I don’t think I’ve actually seen him do that in character? I could be wrong though. Really, Technoblade takes him seriously, but way more seriously than c!Tubbo warrants. Like, he’s looking for a tyrant to beat up and Tubbo is literally just a guy with a lot of issues struggling to keep a handle on his cabinet, which I find funny. But, jokes aside, Technoblade saw Tubbo as a legitimate threat during his presidency and is respectfully cautious of him and his nukes presently, which is surprising to me. Ranboo adores Tubbo and all of his chaos that people are unaware of because they don’t get to know him well enough. Puffy just wants the best for all the kids of the server and knows how to be respectful of their feelings, and Foolish is respectful of Tubbo, if a bit annoyed and intimidated by him.

The point of this essay is just to show that there is a pattern to these things. This is how Tubbo is treated, this is why Tubbo is prepared to die for whatever because because he doesn’t feel he’s worth anything while alive, and this is why it’s frustrating to see characters call him a follower, pawn, or yes man. And here’s the thing: I DONT KNOW WHY THEY TREAT HIM LIKE THIS??? Why him? I can’t really find out why this started to happen.

To sum some things up, no I don’t think every character who treats him poorly is completely evil. Again, some of this seems to be subconscious, some of this could be argued to be OOC, I just wanted to bring this pattern to light.

[elias-code]

My OC's relationships on the Dream SMP

These are all characters, not the actual streamers! <3 It's also not all of them since I don't watch a few of them :) I harbour no hate towards the people behind the characters that I have issues with lmao

Awesamdude - Negative relationship - basically, he let Quackity get away with putting Techno away, let Tommy die and get revived by Dream and then never apologised, and then let ghostbur die and... wtf - Yeah we aren't friends. In another universe, if he weren't the warden, we might get along.

BadBoyHalo - He kinda gives me bad vibes - After the egg stuff I just don't really like to be around him... he killed Foolish and tried to kill everyone at the banquet which I just don't vibe with - I kinda understand why he joined the egg. I mean he was there for Skeppy which I think is ok, but he really went off the deep end. If he redeems himself, I'll be the first to befriend him (cautiously)

Callahan - Alright I taught him some American Sign Language for basic communication - I go and hang out with him whenever I feel like there's too much angst on the server, he's so neutral it's honestly relaxing.

Captain Puffy - We don't know each other very well - I mean I agree with her when it comes to the egg and she seems nice but it's hard to be friends with her when her son is Dream... poor Foolish, though.

Connor - I don't know how to feel about him - I don't have anything against him but... he just seems like someone I wouldn't get along with so I don't hang out with him. He is kinda funny tho

Dream - Ok, ok, he's just an ass - I'm not even gonna list why, you know why... I'm just saying. - I do feel bad for him since Quackity just beats the living shit out of him and he's already in prison so why...?

Dream XD - I fear no man... but that thing... it scares me. - Why his voice do that?? - I avoid him but if he approached me, I would be ok with being his friend, I mean he's a god. If I don't then I might die. Might as well use it to the fullest extent I can.

Eret - I don't really understand why he joined the opposing side during the L'Manburg war - I mean she's cool! I like their outfits and it's nice to have another queer person on the DSMP - I think we'd be good friends in another life, but our friend groups don't overlap very much, so it's hard to hang with them.

Foolish - Little bit scary ngl - Lightning go brrrrrr - I feel really bad for him since he's gotta be related to Dream and he died during the egg shit. That's just cruel. - also I don't really vibe with his personality but I do like to talk to him about his building ventures since I also love to build

Fundy - I feel sooooo bad for him - He's super cute, super sweet, and he just deserves more love - I plant sweet berries around his house to brighten his day whenever I can and I also feed his fox - I love to talk to him and he teaches me dutch sometimes because it's an interesting language. Also, he just deserves a good role model in his life... Like Will kinda sucked as his dad, Schlatt was not a good role model, and his friends don't really care about him. :( - Um also (IRL) he's the reason I started watching the DSMP, I love coding and Dutch so it was a very good mix for me

George - I sleep the opposite amount that he does. - I love his mushroom aesthetic but I stay away from him in fear of Dream XD. - I don't have a lot to say about him since he's not on the dsmp much

Jack Manifold - Yo he's lowkey annoying??? - Give Tommy his hotel back??? He died??? - If he were nicer to Tommy I'd be his friend but he's gotta get his shit together lmao

Jschlatt - Fuck that guy - bruh, he ruined L'Manburg?? - He drinks too much, not surprised he had a heart attack oof

Glatt - Ghost Schlatt gives me such chaotic evil vibes - I enjoy his presence much more than I enjoy his living presence. - I like the fact that he's kinda useless and can't do anything. It's like going to a zoo to see a creature you wouldn't want to see in the wild

Karl Jacobs - I feel bad that he's losing his memory, he's such a fun character. - I like to hang out with him but he makes me sad and also our friend groups do not vibe with each other oof

Niki Nihachu - She's super sweet and absolutely terrifying. - I love to help her bake and its super fun to try out new recipes with her - People really underestimate her and in return for her help with the baking, I help her train her fighting skills.

Philza - DADZA - I get in trouble with him a lot oof, I like to troll people so it happens quite a bit. Also, I take the blame for a lot of the stuff Techno and I get up to as well as with the bench trio. - He taught me how to sew and crochet so I can make my own clothes. I also build with him whenever he asks for help

Quackity - Scared. - He's rude and evil and I dislike him... gambling bad - I like Charlie and I think he's a good influence on Quackity but tbh I feel the same as Techno in this scenario. I am not a Quackity apologist!

Ranboo - I have the same vibe as him. We are one and the same. - I keep an eye on him during his enderwalks, he worries me sometimes. - Out of everyone in the bench trio, we get along the best. I take care of Michael sometimes when he's out doing Snowchester stuff with Tubbo.

Sapnap - I mean I dislike him a little, he throws off my vibe. - He's on the wrong side of everything imo, just stop being weird, big man... - Also I mean I don't understand why he threatened Dream with torture if he ever escaped. Like you don't have to tell him that, just do it? - We have very similar voices (IRL oh no) and so I'll mess with people by doing my best impression of him

Skeppy - One of the many victims of my trolling (with techno usually) - He's fun to hang out with for a while but I can't handle being around him for too long, he gives me a headache - Sometimes I wonder if he's actually made out of diamonds... should I kill him and see what happens?

Charlie (Slimecicle) - BEST BOY I LOVE HIM - HE'S SO CUTE DAP ME UP - Honestly, we get along soooo well, he reminds me of a slime for some reason, hmmmmmmmm - I try to teach him human-ness because if he doesn't want to look like a slime then there's no reason for me to say no

Technoblade - Ah yes the best one on the SMP - He did not like me at first, I can be a bit annoying oh no - Eventually, he got a soft spot for me since we have the same sense of humour and I love to mess with people - I sympathise with him, he deserves so much more than he's getting. - I wish he didn't express his emotions as anger all the time since it really affects everyone. He's got some anger issues and I try to deal with them with him.

TommyInnit - Omg I still find him annoying but I love to hang out with him like Wilbur does. - He needs to learn some boundaries but he is still a kid, so it doesn't really matter. I think people have to stop being little shits to him since his brain hasn't fully formed, like all adolescents. - He's very sweet sometimes and I appreciate his assistance in a lot of random tasks

Tubbo - I am allergic to bees so we can't hang too much - I like to chill with him and Ranboo and sometimes him and Tommy, but I'm always telling Tommy off for being a little shit to Tubbo. - I do not approve of his governmental ways, but his heart is in the right place. Also, why do you have nukes?

Wilbur Soot - Too much government, I do not approve - not a good father - Eventually, he stopped governmenting so whatever, no more animosity from me, eh?

Ghostbur - Awww he gave me blue - how dare he die twice - I love friend, I walked him sometimes. So glad he has infinite canon lives - I wish he had more time on the SMP, he's super sweet and his vibe is amazing

Revivebur - Alright he's kinda cool, I like his hair. - He doesn't have any governmental plans thank god - He's a bit worrying but he hasn't done anything yet. I'll just keep my eyes on him.

That's it, just doing this for fun! I have a lot of things in the works, don't worry! If you're curious as to what I'm working on, take a look at my masterlist (it's on my page at the top where my asks are) If you do have any asks please give 'em to me, I love to write for you guys :)

THANK YOU FOR 80 FOLLOWERS!

[i-am-masterkittens]

You better prepare yourself cause these are Quite A Few Questions 👀👀 3, 4, 11, 12, 15, 21, 23, 31, 33, 39 and lastly 40. Wow. 11 questions lmao

Thank you so much 😭😭❤

3. rant. just do it (I am going to put my whole ass rant under the cut because BOY IS IT LENGTHY. Also tw child abuse, pedophilia, self-harm and I think that’s it.)

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art? No? Like I guess if you want to, that’s fine, I’m not gonna hate you for it, but for me personally I’m gonna try to avoid it as much as possible. If a bad person creates a masterpiece, I’m still not gonna support them.

11. what unusual talent do you have? Uhh mild body contortion? Like I can’t touch my toes for the life of me but I can twist my body really weirdly and bend all my fingertips backwards by a lot. I love freaking people out by doing that.

12. what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard? I have audio-based problems meaning I have trouble understanding someone when they speak and also remembering what they said, so I can eavesdrop on the juiciest gossip and forget the next day. However, I do remember this one thing about some kid named Evan being a vampire, which I distinctly remember because Jake talked about it, but I don’t remember how it came up.

15. what’s a question do you constantly get asked? One would think it would be “omg are you left handed?” Or something similar, but I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me about it. One question I do get a lot is from my boyfriend, “why are you so cute?” It makes me shy and I have to hide my face.

21. what’s a conspiracy you believe in? That there are Warrior cats living somewhere in the world (from the warrior series). Which I guess isn’t a conspiracy, but I believe in it!

23. if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose? The inability to take care of myself. I mean, if someone wasn’t there to remind me every day, I would never remember to take my medicine, or brush my teeth before bed, or even get dressed half the days. I wouldn’t call it lazy, it’s more of a “I’m too tired to take care of myself”. That’s mental illness for you babey!!

31. you can change one thing in your life right now. what are you changing? OH. I would totally delete every disease in the world. This whole quarantine thing is making me sick physically, emotionally, and mentally, because I am not allowed outside at all and the lack of fresh air, meeting people, and vitamin D is stressing me out and well I feel bad almost all the time now. Not to mention all the cool stuff I was gonna do for my 2020 graduation. 😔

33. what do you think about a lot I sometimes wonder if my best friend would let me call him Jakey or Jakie as a nickname but I’m too shy to ask because I am baby.

39. describe your asthetic Okay so I call it “Pretty-Cryptid, Baby-Softcore.” Because I am baby AND a cryptid. I’ll be eating baby carrots from the bag and staring out the window one minute then I’ll want to be snuggled under lots of blankets the next. I also really love pretty things and colors. Pastel purples and blues? Hell yeah! Pats on the head? I love you. A demon with ethereal vibes and pretty jewelry is standing next to me in bed and telling me everything’s going to be okay? OGHOHOHHHHGH ❤❤❤❤ Anyway I want a pretty monster dad, please?

40. answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation Mr. Wise.

Here’s my rant:

The basis of it all is just that I would probably sleep forever if I could.

I guess that isn’t all quite a rant, so I’ll start of on a mild note. What the fuck is happening to my dreams? I’ve been having these weird ass dreams about people taking care of me and genuinely wanting to become a parental figure to me. They all wear masks, two of which look exactly like SCP-035 and SCP-049, but there’s this one dude, I don’t know him, but he wears this mask with holes in it. Apparently his name is Jason? This isn’t the first time I’ve had a dream about someone who I didn’t know existed, I’ve also had dreams about Monika from DDLC before I knew who she was, and even about how she died. It was creepy as fuck, and I sure hope my dreams don’t come true because I’ve had dreams of the future more than once.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the heavy stuff, starting with my parents.I know I’m not the only person to have shitty parents, but that doesn’t stop them from being shitty. And before I get into anything, please please, please don’t report them to anyone. It’s probably weird to hear considering all they’ve done, but the guilt will probably kill me literally, and I still kinda love them, I mean they’re my parents and they took care of me. I don’t want anything to happen to them, and I don’t want to have to hurt myself because I did something to them, even if it was indirectly.

It used to be physical abuse, but it’s evolved into verbal as I grew up. Whenever I used to get in trouble, I would get so fucking terrified of what was going to happen to me. My dad, who was mostly absent from my life, (hence my constant wishing for a fictional character to be my dad, and probably a HUGE factor for what’s happening to my dreams lately) was also the most heavy handed with the hitting. He would spank me so hard that I would be crying and my butt would be red for hours. And it was so SO obvious that he liked my sister more than me, because it was always me who ended up with the red butts, and she’d get away with a loud yelling at. Meanwhile my mom would just hit me wherever she could with whatever she could, including a wire coat hanger when she was doing laundry.

And I recognize that I was a problem child, both physically and mentally because of my internal deformities that cause a lot of health problems, but also my weird boyish mentality and energy (I was into roughhousing a lot). But even then, just yelling would be enough to make me stop. Hitting me the way they did only made me learn how to lie to them and hide when I did something wrong.

This sort of stuff went on until about middle school, where it turned into more verbal threats about kicking me out of the house, as well as calling me names and making comments that dropped my self esteem very low, including stupid cow, bitch, and even telling me to hide my body and never wear bikinis or short shorts or crop tops (which I was already sensitive enough about because of my scars and the bump in my abdomen because of my knotted intestines, which gives me digestive issues if I eat too much). Dad almost completely dropped off the disciplinary train, only yelling at me extremely loudly when he got angry, but other than that I did pretty much nothing with him.

Because of them I’ve become extremely paranoid when it comes to touches that aren’t meant to be 100% comforting, and I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone for fear of getting hurt, (I’m sorry Jake :( if it makes you feel better though I trust you the most out of anyone else) and I get nervous when speaking up because I always got shot down by my parents.

It’ll be okay though because I have my boyfriend who I’ll get to live with soon, even if it’s just for the summer.

This isn’t everything that they’ve done, but it’s the majority of it, and even though they do good stuff with me sometimes, like my dad cooks breakfast or takes us out to eat, or we all go on nice vacations together, and it makes me feel guilty that I’m making them look bad, and worry that I’m oversharing or being too sensitive, but then I remember what they do and have done, and remind myself that I’ll only visit during holidays.

When I was 13, I came into contact with a pedophile. My first one out of at least 2 that I remember. I’m going to spare the details, but he tried to roleplay sexual situations with him, and convince me to undress in front of him, and that’s when I cut contact with him, and faked my death. I’m so, SO fucking sick of pedos, and pedo apologists, saying there’s nothing wrong with the age difference, when pedophilia has done nothing good to or for children. It gave me severe PTSD, to the point that I can’t say any words relating to reproduction, and visual-based sexual content will cause me to have flashbacks and panic attacks and cause me to scratch myself. Thanks pedos! Fucking hate you all! Please die.

And before people say I am overreacting, I’ve had this huge trigger since I was 13 and that is not something a kid should go through. And the reason why not a lot of people know about what happened, it’s because of the fear that I harbored, that people would laugh at me, and might use my triggers against me, which made things even worse, and it wasn’t until my boyfriend triggered me (accidentally) that I finally told someone, and it made me feel better that I could rely on him.

Other than that, another rant is about my boyfriend. I mean, he’s a good boyfriend, and he’s nice, but sometimes he comes off as insensitive and it makes me upset. That’s most of the reasons why we fight. Another big thing is lack of affection/attention, which might seems strange since we’re always hanging out, it seems, and cuddling, but sometimes he falls asleep on me and I get bored and don’t know what to do, or sometimes he ignores me to play video games or talk to other people. I am very touch starved so I need constant attention and contact or else I get worried, and I don’t know if he knows this or not, but he definitely comes off as ignorant sometimes. 

He makes up for a lot of stuff he does, but it doesn’t make what he did go away, and I wish he’d realize that and change because he keeps making the same mistakes.

My last rant is going to be about myself, and that I feel like a shit person! I feel like I always make things worse! I feel bad for every decision I make! I feel like I’m too clingy to my boyfriend and that I ask too much of him sometimes, and it makes me feel like shit because what I want and how I feel afterwards are different things and wow! Time for scratches! Also I want to have the power to always know what to do and say to make everyone happier and feel better! But then I get scared I’m gonna make a mistake and instead of trying to help I ignore them and go wow! I am a very shit person for ignoring them! And now my heart hurts because I got another heart palpitation by panicking! Wow I have a shit body! My heart deformities might kill me in my sleep! Wow! I am so insecure about everything I do and every way I look. I just want to become small and disappear sometimes. I miss you Jake. It’s hard for me to tell you I love you because it’s such an intimate phrase and my boyfriend was the first to hear it from me. But I’m glad you’re the second, even though we were so close to it. Somewhere in an alternate universe we’re together, and that makes me happy. I hope I we can become platonically intimate again, I remember holding your hand at night and it made me feel a little bit better at that camp.

My body just always hurts. I have to take a lot of medicine, and between all my heart, lung, and intestinal issues, on top of all my mental issues, majority of which have gone undiagnosed because my mom is in denial and refuses to get me to any sort of therapy; all of that combined makes me tired constantly, and I just always have stress, and a little headache in the back of my head.

I’m still hurting a lot, but I hope to get better. I have lots of ideas for the future, and I want to complete them before I go. I hope I make it past 2020, with many of you in tow.

I’m so tired.

I’m sorry if I made you sad.

[heroes-never-discourse]

(1)Dunno who else to talk to about this but I don't watch bnha (only saw a handful of eps from s1 and read stuff on wikis) and I don't like bkdk. I mean, I'd probably like it on other circumstances but I guess my actual reasoning is selfish? I wasn't bullied but just teased a lot cause I was easy target. The stuff that happened to me isn't as bad as what Bakugo did to Izuku but I'm still affected by them and so I couldn't forgive the people who did me wrong even years after we all graduated.

(2)Many of them never apologized or was just told to by the teachers and I can tell they didn’t mean it as some continued to make me cry cause it was funny. Unlike Izuku who never asked for an apology nor cared to get one and still likes Bakugo as a friend, I’m the opposite so it just makes me feel uneasy cause he’s different than me and I can’t understand why. And bkdk shippers saying that it’s good and all makes me feel… idk? Bad about myself? Like, my problems aren’t as bad as his yet he

(3)is totally okay with that and everyone just says he’s a precious cinnamon roll and Bakugo should be forgiven and whenever I see pro-bkdk post that talks about this I feel ‘personally attacked’ as others would say. I feel like I’m a bad person for not being able to forgive and not forgetting and I hate Bakugo cause he reminds me of those who made me cry and I feel like I’m a terrible person cause he got better and he did worse than my old classmates but I can’t be like Izuku and I feel guilty.

(4)Also with this reasoning in mind, I can’t help but feel like an anti even though I’m not and I can’t talk to anyone about it cause the only ones who may understand are antis. It’s frustrating and all the more cause I know people would hate me for well, hating it as I’m not even in the fandom and don’t even watched the show or read the manga…

So first off, no one’s going to hate you just for not liking a ship or a character, not anyone around here at least. People have NOTPs, even ones from things they might not have totally consumed and that’s fine, it’s not wrong to dislike ships. What separates a person with a NOTP from an anti is whether you harass the people who like your NOTP for liking it (and you didn’t exactly come spitting into my inbox about how gross I am for shipping bkdk or that I’m an abuse apologist or whatever, so you’re already doing good on that front).

Now, I’m not meaning to sound patronizing or anything so apologies if it comes off that way, but you gotta remember that Deku and Bakugou are just fictional characters. The reason Deku never hates Bakugou or asks for an apology is, at it’s base, because that’s how he’s written. He’s written to be this kind of unattainable ball of pure sunlight, and much as I love best boi for how perpetually sweet and heroic and selfless and full of the best intentions he is, trying to compare yourself to him is a losing game.

You are a person, a human being, not a fictional character. Your emotions and feelings are so much more complicated and varied than any author could ever write. If Deku were real I honestly doubt he’d be as unflinchingly on Bakugou’s side as he’s written to be, even the sweetest people will break if pushed too hard, and there’s probably been dozens of times in the years we don’t see where Bakugou’s pushed way too fucking hard.

You not wanting to like or forgive the people who fucked with you is not a bad thing. It’s normal and it’s so, so very valid. There are people in my life who I’d never want to see again because of how they treated me, and I’m not obligated to forgive just as they are not entitled to my forgiveness. You’re not a bad person for that, not by a long fucking shot.

I know it’s hard not to take positive posts about things you dislike as a personal attack, but you really do have to remember that just because I’m sitting over here in my little “BakuDeku is amazing and I love Bakugou so much!!!” corner doesn’t mean that I’m implicitly saying “and anyone who thinks otherwise is Wrong and a Bad Person!!!” We just get a lot of shit from people who actually harass shippers so it’s nice to send out some positive vibes. We just love our boys and the development we’re watching them go through and sometimes it makes us wanna shout it from the front steps of our blogs :D

BakuDeku took a long time to grow on me. I didn’t even really like Bakugou as a character until halfway through season 3 of the anime. His character in the beginning of the series is pretty weak in my opinion, just another rival character that’s also just super weirdly aggressive, which in general is a huge turn off for me. It was only when his actual character development started happening that I was like “oh this guy is way more interesting than I was giving him credit”. And even then, it wasn’t until one of the last episodes of season 3 that I fully jumped aboard the S.S. BKDK. So if you’ve only watched a handful of S1 and read some wiki stuff then I can totally understand and relate to not liking him (though I admit I don’t have the negative real life associations with that kind of vicious bully character that you do).

I would tentatively recommend giving the series another shot (I mean just in general tbh, it’s one of my favorites regardless of my opinion on bakugou and bkdk) and seeing if watching his development ends up making you come around on him. And if it doesn’t that’s fine too! There’s are tons of people who don’t like the character or the ship for various reasons, some similar to yours, and that’s totally 1000% fine and valid.

And if you don’t want to watch the show/read the manga because it’s just not your thing or whatever, then I genuinely just recommend blacklisting all the bakudeku and bakugou stuff and forgetting about it. It’s just a ship and a character you didn’t like, curating them out of your space and focusing on the stuff that makes you happy is always the best solution.

I hope I helped a little ^-^; My inbox is always open if you need a place to talk, anon, I hope you have a great week 💙💙💙