#the dynamics of abuse dont work for me and never will

[roturo]

HERE ME OUT

Toji, Gojo, Megumi (choose one, i dont mind) realize spanking isnt doing much for a punishment anymore (youre enjoying it too much) so they come up with other ideas

ex. watching you get fucked by a fuck machine in a mirror while u cum over n over begging for the real thing, seeing how many sex toys you can get away with wearing in public, switching between making you cum over n over to not letting you cum every hour or something ALL NIGHT, etc

BRAT - JJK MEN

warnings: smut, overstimulation, semi-public sex, edging, ice cube play, cunnilingus, slapping, pussy slapping, degradation, spanking, oral (f & m receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, dumbification, sub-space, dom/sub dynamics, humiliation, bondage, bdsm, handcuffing, use of vibrator, throat bump, tummy bump (idk how it's called), bratty reader, objectification, jealousy, mirror sex, breeding, unprotected sex, penis in vagina, there's more warnings but idk.

Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Toji Fushiguro, Megumi Fushiguro & Sukuna.

Gojo Satoru

He first realized spanking you as a punishment isn’t working when your bratty remarks started becoming more usual after 3 or 4 spanks, you moaned at the feeling and teased him even more for him to do it again. 

To say he’s angry at this is an understatement, because he hates brats. Hates not having control, and your behavior being the last drop of breaking was all he needed to give you a real punishment.

You thought he was being mean? Oh no, he was being nice right now.

You pull on his white locks and the only answer you receive is a disapproval grunt from him. You sob, so overwhelmed and tired, but you can't deny how good his tongue feels on your naked core.

The feeling of his tongue abusing your overstimulated hole had you feeling dizzy, but the vibratory he had on his hand teasing your swollen nub made the pleasure more unbearable than before. 

He already got two orgasms out of you, one with his fingers patting gently your sweet spot and the other by sucking avidly on your clit while he fingered you and used the vibratory to tease your other hole. You don't remember which one came first and maybe they both happened at the same time. You don't really know.

And the worst thing of all? You were in a public space. 

You never noticed he brought a vibrator, it's like he knew you were looking for this, for a punishment, but he also knows you don’t see spanking as a punishment anymore, so he had a change of plans.

You were a little bit too flirty with Nanami tonight, he couldn’t take it, so when he saw you going to the restroom he didn’t care it seemed so obvious, he followed you behind.

Your pleas for him to stop went to deaf ears, not taking care in the world and not having any hint of stopping this.

You already had your makeup messed up, you’re sure about that, tears coming out your eyes, smudged lipstick, messy hair, he made sure for everyone to know he fucked the soul out of you. Making visible hickeys on your neck, he wanted to humiliate you.

And if like that wasn’t enough, once he finished he left the vibratory inside of you, so when the both of you walked out, not only everyone knew you two fucked at the restroom, but they’ll know you’re struggling to even talk or walk.

“Ah-ah, you acted like a bitch, i’ll treat you like one.”

Geto Suguru

This man is RUTHLESS. He would tie up your arms and legs on the bed so you can’t move. Using an ice cube toy tease your body, saying is “what you deserve for being too fucking horny all the time” 

The vibrator inside of you wouldn’t stop at any moment, making you come with no break, his tongue playing with your nipples, licking your tummy while going down on you till he found your clit. Grabbing another ice cube and tracing near your cunt.

He would spit on you or slap your pussy every time you told him to stop, making you even a messier moaning mess. His words would be hard too, not accepting any type of bratty behavior coming out of you, it’s what you earned.

He was angry, he couldn’t contain watching you dance with another man, knowing he was right there. You aren’t anything serious, yet, but he makes sure for everyone to know you’re his.

You felt dizzy, coming into subspace once he finished giving you your last orgasm of the night. Needing some time more to adapt to your surroundings. He made sure to cum in your stomach once he felt he couldn’t contain it anymore, and that’s when he knew he had to stop.

Because this man has self-control, he wanted to prove a point and he made sure of doing it. Treating you like a slut. Fucking you like a slut.  You’re no one’s slut but his.

Toji Fushiguro

He’s the opposite of Geto, he’ll make sure to have all the pleasure for himself and just him.

You were about to cum? too bad, because he’s the one coming, not you. He would even edge himself just to make sure you don’t come. Using you like a fucking toy in front of his mirror, pinching your nipples and biting your shoulders.

Your pussy would be so full of him you could even feel a small bump in your tummy, filling you up with his cum, the slickness of it making it easier for him to thrust into you.

Every time he touched your g-spot with his cock, you were almost screaming, begging for release. Every time you close your eyes he would grab you by the chin, threaten to not let you cum for 30 minutes more if you close them again.

Wetting his fingers with your liquids and mostly his cum just to insert them in your mouth. “You want to feel that too, huh? You want to taste yourself too?”

Nodding your head like you could, trying to say yes but every time you opened up your mouth a moan came out of it, just being able to call his name and little ‘please’

But he just laughed at how fucked up you look right now, continuing thrusting into you, one of his arms wrapping around your waist while the other one grabs you by your throat, making sure you’re looking at the two of you in the mirror.

Depending on how good you behave, he’ll decide if he’ll let you cum or not. You might spend the whole night without coming until the next time both of you have sex, thrusting you to make this punishment again if you cum without him.

Megumi Fushiguro (My man, my husband, my boyfriend)

He wouldn’t show he was angry at you, noticing you were enjoying the slaps on your ass, he just suddenly stopped. Analyzing what he should do.

Your smirk disappeared once you heard the silence, not feeling his hands on your ass. Looking through your shoulder, you found a blank face megumi looking at you

You were laying down on his lap and the couch, your ass displayed for him while he manhandled you. You were about to ask what’s wrong until he pulled you by the hair looking at your face before he switched positions, you’re now sitting on his lap.

With his cursed energy, some snakes came from the shadows and made sure he grabbed you by the wrists, putting them on your back so the snakes could simulate a handcuff.

Megumi is a silent man.

But this silence felt really different from the others, his dark blue orbs seemed almost black, his gaze showing no emotion other than seriousness.

He grabbed you by the armpits and positioned you on the floor, kneeled in front of him, while you watched him unbuckle his pants.

Lowering down enough his pants and boxers so his cock was displayed, pinkish tip with a small pearl coming out of his tip, a vein coming from the base on the left side, and slightly curved.

“Open your dirty mouth slut.” 

You did as he said, and he wasted no time in inserting his cock inside of you, giving you and your poor throat no time to adjust while he bobbed your head.

Your nose touching his pelvic bone, his free hand traveled down your face until he felt your throat, a small bump appearing and disappearing each time he thrusted inside of you.

A smirk appeared on his face while he groaned and left small whimpers at the pleasure of using you like a cum dump.

He has a lot of stamina, he doesn’t give up for nothing, not on a fight, not on smacking your bratty face out of your sight.

He felt that tingly feeling on his stomach, ready to cum, with just some more thrusts he dumped strips of cum inside your mouth.

You coughed a little, sore throat, trying to regain your posture when his cock left your mouth, it was still rock hard.

“Don’t have big hopes i’m going to fuck your pussy, i’ll continue fucking your mouth till you can’t even speak.”

Sukuna.

He has you sitting on his lap while he’s on his throne. Different mouths coming out of his body, one on his pelvic bone playing with your nub while he bounces you on both of his cocks. Feeling so full of him, you swear you couldn’t even talk, moans and whimpers only coming out of you.

His head was resting in one of his hands, while two of them were gripping your tits with a mouth on them while they sucked your nipples.

“You fucking brat.”

He would sometimes groan everytime your cunt clenched around his cock, or when he felt one of your holes a little bit too tight.

He had you cumming for him for 5 times now, not stopping his movements any time soon, bouncing you up and down on his cocks while he admired your body and face.

Tears staining your blushed cheeks, sweat covering your whole body, purple marks adorning your body and a bite on your shoulder from the first time he came.  Your sore and sensitive nipples bouncing in front of him, little begs and pleads coming out of you.

And all because you didn’t want to take your punishment like a good girl and challenged him with your bratty behavior.

You looked fucked up, not any kind of thinking behind your eyes, not even words to say, you were completely defenseless, used like a toy.

“If only you behaved like a good girl I would treat you like one. But right now you’re just my little whore to play with. I can stay here all night watching you lose your sanity and body control to me.”

[barbies1shots]

"where ever you go i wont be far to follow,

oh i love you so ,

youll learn that i already know .

i love you , means that youre never , ever ever , getting rid of me !"

☆ - creep!satoru , yandere , stalker!satoru , obsessive!satoru , power dynamics , NONCON , abuse , SELF HARM , body fluids

Gojo Satoru who knows that everyone should bow down to him.

Gojo Satoru who everyone wants him dead from the moment he was born.

Gojo Satoru who expects everyone to know how powerful he is.

Gojo Satoru who could kill someone without raising any suspicions.

Gojo Satoru who has the same repetitive schedule, day by day.

Gojo Satoru who ignores all calls from his work just to find something or someone, to change his repetitive schedule.

Gojo Satoru who heard of you through his good friend, Geto Suguru.

Gojo Satoru who seemed uninterested and unbothered at the fact your cursed technique is completely defensive.

Gojo Satoru who, behind closed doors, relishes the idea of fighting a defensive technique.

Gojo Satoru who stalked Geto's schedule and eventually finds out where you go to school at.

Gojo Satoru who catches you from afar, drinking in your patterns and what you do on a daily basis.

Gojo Satoru who thinks you are the most beautiful, eye-catching person on this entire planet.

Gojo Satoru who wants to devote his entire being into being with you.

Gojo Satoru who purposely accidentally bumped into you and made you spill your drink down your shirt, making it see through.

Gojo Satoru who turned back on his infinity as he apologized many times with a sheepish smile on his face.

Gojo Satoru who asked what your name was and complimented your hair.

Gojo Satoru who, later that night, imagined pulling and tugging on it as he rubbed his tip that it looked more irritated than anything else.

Gojo Satoru who followed you wherever you went, he neglected his work, his studies, just to be everywhere you are.

Gojo Satoru who went wherever you went.

Gojo Satoru who visited every place you did.

Gojo Satoru who smiles in the fact you can not see him when he's with you.

Gojo Satoru who catches you smile differently at the patron behind the counter.

Gojo Satoru who wants nothing to come in between him and you.

Gojo Satoru who caught you in the store.

Gojo Satoru whos face scrunched up confusingly as he caught you ramble about the man you were talking to, suddenly went missing.

Gojo Satoru who nodded along as you told him what happened before the man went missing.

Gojo Satoru who shook his head.

"I could try and look for him if it helps your mood? I just dont want you being all sad anymore."

Gojo Satoru who appears at your doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and an apology that he couldnt find the man.

Gojo Satoru whos eye twitches, as he tried to not laugh maniacally.

Gojo Satoru who smiled instead of laughing as you let him in your house with warm arms.

Gojo Satoru who bit his lip to try and hold back as your head rested soundly on his shoulder.

Gojo Satoru who put you to bed and left after putting a mini camera in your room.

Gojo Satoru who went home to immediately watch the live footage of you sleeping.

Gojo Satoru who smiled as he watched you change, your beautiful body bare just for him.

Gojo Satoru who stroked his cock the same way you played with your clitty when the stress became too much.

Gojo Satoru who scratches at his arms when he's stressed.

Gojo Satoru who makes himself bleed when things dont go his way.

Gojo Satoru who catches you on your way to your car after a long day of training.

Gojo Satoru who cocks his hand back just to deliver a leathal punch into your jaw, immediately catching you off guard and making your head spin sideways before you dropped unconsciously.

Gojo Satoru who scratches at his arms as he observes your face swell up and become discolored.

Gojo Satoru who wakes you up with his head between your thighs and his lips wrapped around your clit.

Gojo Satoru who stares into your face, waiting for a reaction.

Gojo Satoru who laughs in delight as you come on his tongue, making the grown man groan.

Gojo Satoru who pressed kisses into your sore face and aching neck.

"Ive been waiting for this for so long, baby. you just dont know. Ive been watching you for months and youre all I need. Youre perfect so accept me. I understand I did all this without your consent but you have to see the bigger picture here! I am meant for you, you were meant for me. I was meant to be yours! You cant leave us apart."

Gojo Satoru who turns off his infinity when he is with you.

Gojo Satoru who pleaded with you with a trembling voice and shaky hands.

Gojo Satoru who gripped onto you as he pleaded.

Gojo Satoru who wanted to feed you but had to force feed you due to you not wanting to be spoon-fed.

Gojo Satoru who dressed you up in dresses and small skirts because they were better than the wretched pants and leggings you were wearing.

Gojo Satoru who fucked you so good it had your legs tensing up and you running away from it.

Gojo Satoru who smiled wildly as you begged him to slow down, that you couldnt take it anymore.

Gojo Satoru who made you cum on his tongue untill you were limp and pliant.

Gojo Satoru who drunk everything you said up with a head held high and a smile on his wretched face.

Gojo Satoru who moaned and whimpered as you licked his lengthy cock.

Gojo Satoru who dreamed of this since the day Suguru mentioned you.

Gojo Satoru, whose toes curled in his shoes as he made you drink every last drop of his semen before he even thought about letting you out the chains around your wrists and ankles.

Gojo Satoru who stared at you with a scarily blank face when you screamed at him.

"Let me go dammit! I want nothing to do with you, Satoru! Youre just a power-hungry boy with a god-complex. you kidnapped me and forced me into this and- and people will find out! you can't keep me here forever!"

Gojo Satoru whose face stretched into an expression youve never seen the man make as he realized what you mean.

Gojo Satoru who smiled when you spat a glob of saliva on his shoe.

Gojo Satoru who snapped as you cursed him out.

Gojo Satoru whose foot made contact with your stomach, making your body lurch with every kick.

Gojo Satoru who smiled as he heard your cries and sobs.

Gojo Satoru who watched as you threw up everything the man fed you.

Gojo Satoru who watched you lay limp in your own vomit.

Gojo Satoru who squats down next to your head and kisses your hair line before whispering that hes incredibly sorry.

Gojo Satoru who smiled sweetly as your pained groans were heard from behind a makeshift gag from your underwear.

Gojo Satoru who wrapped your legs around his slim waist as he pounded into you.

Gojo Satoru who rubbed your clit harshly just to get you to clench around him.

Gojo Satoru who said you could take it when you said its too big. too long.

Gojo Satoru who rubbed ointment into the large bruises on your stomach.

Gojo Satoru who said he loved you more than he had the will to live.

Gojo satoru who knew you could never get away from him, never get rid of him.

if you have any tips PLEASE message me . i want to have more confidence in my writing .

-Aizawas BARB !

[boatemlag]

i think the thing that bothers me the most about mcyt sibling headcanons is not really that it's only done for hetero dynamics (see: misogyny) but that siblings become shorthand for a specific type of (good, positive, idilic) relationship. siblings are simple and good and they don't have complications and the dynamic is not ever dysfunctional or multifaceted, and there's never abuse involved. this is not only boring but is just, like, not how it works at all?

(in fact, the only sibling relationship that i see fan content for that is slightly more complicated than "siblings means guy and girl who get along but are silly sometimes!" is xornoth and scott, but even then, this is because xornoth is canonically a villain. (and xornoth and scott content is one of two things typically? A. scott is The Good Sibling and xornoth is Troubled but Ultimately Good and they Care About each other tho. and B. xornoth is BAD and beyond redemption but scott is sad about it and dont worry hes not culpable at all tho!))

anyway it's crazy to me, and maybe it's because i have a really really weird and complicated sibling dynamic in my own life, but it's so deeply uncomfortable to see people conflate sibling with flat, one-dimensional good. sometimes, siblings don't like each other. sometimes they blame each other. sometimes they're violent to one another, sometimes they are codependent, sometimes they perpetuate cycles of abuse; they're all the ugly, complicated things that any relationship dynamic can be.

there's actually so much to say about this issue, but this is what is on my mind tonight.

[archer3-13]

oh wow a fire emblem post after a lot of not posting about fire emblem. its been slow and i dont care too much about heroes, sue me.

i've come to the conclusion that people get too hung up on the idea of whether felix was right or wrong about dimitri when it comes to discussions on their character dynamics [it all tends to be very felix focused anyways]. I would say that at the end of the day, the story needs felix to be wrong in order to work as it does and theres no getting around that.

as a result however, dimitris side of that dynamic often gets overlooked i think and its a shame, cause i would say its the most important factor in how that dynamic works. cause well felix hurls all manner of verbal abuse at him, dimitri never disabuses felix of those notions even when he's trying his hardest to pretend everything is fine. he just takes the abuse, and i would argue thats far more important to the dynamic and speaks a lot more to dimitris core characteristics.

what dimitri is, is sad, traumatized, and possessed of an intense self loathing that blends together into a self destructive cocktail. its not just that the dead are haunting him, its that the dead are haunting him by calling him a pussy ass bitch in the most violent way possible, all the while everything falls apart around him. and his response to this is to try and repress that sorrow and trauma as deep as he possibly can, because he has too much to do, not enough time, and everyones counting on him.

what dimitri isn't, is possessed of a hidden darkness that can only be expressed in violent rage and general monsterousness/assholery. certainly he can express those things, but they're always symptoms of whats happening around him and in the story. the inevitable reaction of all that misery hes so deeply repressed exploding in violent reaction to the cruelty of the world around him. And it is importantly cruelty and injustice that he's reacting to, remire village, the holy tomb, the entire god damn war phase etc. its why dimitris story is always importantly intertwined with the idea of having others to support you and your burdens.

anyways, guess what end of the stick felix latches onto during the academy phase!!

its grimly funny in a way, but what felix is essentially playing with dimitri is purity politics. people often overlook that canonically he was a very sweet and gentle child before the tragedy, and that his aloof prickly i studied the blade demenour is just a crude imitation of glenns personality [but yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that hes dealing with glenns death better then rodrigue]. and he practically grew up alongside dimitri, who he only ever knew as a kind and gentle boy as well. then the tragedy happens and uproots everything in his life, so he tries to find that stability again by going with dimitri in their first battle.

and that's where he sees that violent reaction dimitri sorrow can elect. and like a true gamer, felix rejects the idea that his [pure, sweet, gentle] dimitri could ever do or be like that. it must be a monster in a humans skin, a boar prince.

and like the tsundere idiot he is, felix takes it as his own duty [consciously or not] to act as the jailkeeper for that wild animal that's taken his friends place. possibly its executioner even. because felix is too caught up in his own grief to see beyond that rage, a rage he rejects the "true" dimitri of being capable of.

and, wadda ya know. dimitri being caught in a violent spiral of self hatred and anger at the injustices of the world, does nothing to disabuse felix of these notions. because he feels like he deserves to be abused by felix, and also because its easier to brush things off that way and pretend everything is normal.

and i find that a lot more interesting to view the relation between the two in and how it develops over the games story.

[lambmotifz]

(previous anon, dont want to be called the sam molestation anon so i'll be the interrobang ⁉️ anon) i rlly agree with u that romantic wincest doesn't really work as sam isn't participating in the relationship the same way dean is. dean is a cage he's in, and he loves his cage because his cage loves him so much why would he want to leave? after everything the cage does for him? why wouldn't he let the cage have him however it needs? it's the least he could do. sorry that doesn't make a ton of sense but do u get me?? it's not like it's a victim/abuser dichotomy but the power dynamic is a INTEGRAL part of the relationship, specifically the imbalance. they neeeeeed that to work

romantic weecest definitely doesn’t work for me, it’s hard to imagine them having some kind of regular romantic relationship as teens because let’s be real here, this dynamic doesn’t have any canon proof. but romantic wincest (let’s say, their post s1 dynamic) does work because mutual pining between them is pretty much canon, at least when it comes to kripke era. i partly agree with you that sam isn’t participating in the relationship the same way dean is because sam doesn’t feel the same obsessive urge to possess that dean feels toward him. sam’s possessiveness & obsession were never on the same level of dean’s

“and he loves his cage because his cage loves him so much why would he want to leave?” and that’s why their dynamic is so deliciously angsty, and that’s also why it doesn’t need to be fixed. like you said, the power dynamic is an integral part of their relationship and they need that to work. sam’s willing submissiveness complements dean’s need to have physical & emotional control over him (which partly comes from the fact that control was taken away from him by his abusive father when dean was younger and some part of him unconsciously seeks a way to try to regain some power/control via his relationship with sam), and that’s why it works and makes their dynamic what it is

[rontra]

drop your ffxiv lore

asking me to drop my pants in public would be less embarrassing..... you have to understand crucially that i don't know anything about anything and dont want The Knowers to see me

LMAO well i can talk about it a little but only on One Condition. as i mentioned before im a Certified Stormblood Gamer . in fact according to the wiki i am about this deep (level 64 questing atm)

so basically the condition is this: if something wasn't explicit in ARR or HW you cannot under any circumstances talk to me about it...! if you have any sort of reaction to this post that has to do with any later material than that i ask you Don't say it to me. if you are in doubt about whether something "counts", the safe answer is yes it does, and just going "neat!" instead & moving on will do fine. i really don't want to play spoiler chicken with you and don't want to know anything i don't already know. i'm enjoying taking my time with the game, so please refrain from correcting or corroborating anything i have to say about it atm!!!!!!! i'm still baby! thank you....!!! 😭👍

anyway my xiv characters are 1 a dude who was born in a wet cardboard box all alone and might be scared of women . & 2 a scary woman who did definitely kill her wife but is also the most Wife Guy for like secret reasons. the second one's lore is being ironed out as we speak so its all subject to change but the concept is there

1. ZT

love this guy. i even made an amv about it when i finished arr

(every xiv player voice) my wol is the most special boy in the world.

i actually had a whole thing typed up here about like his fucked up mom and whatever but i got shy and deleted it. i might go over it if someone's actually interested . but basically he's a poor little meow meow who, up until the beginning of the game, was abused pretty consistently bc of [evil cat people family dynamic reasons]. his family members mostly hate his ass and were rarely all that nice to him, so he has a lot of issues with self-worth and things like that--he doesn't feel like he's particularly good at anything or really "worth" much

he's from southern ilsabard which is a place i uh do not know much about. as a stormblood gamer. but it's fine the details don't really matter (walking away quickly)

his most prized childhood possession was the ruined scraps of an old arcanist's tome, and through sheer tenacity he managed to teach himself his first rudimentary spell from the incomplete paragraphs therein. he mostly chalks that feat up to the fruit of Time + Boredom and not talent or love, but those pages were the only thing he took with him when it finally came time for him to follow his older brothers' footsteps and leave the family.

gets on the boat. goes to limsa. enlists in the arcanists guild to cultivate what he sees as the One Single Skill He Has. people in the guild ???praise him??? and encourage him?? to keep at it??? which he is not at ALL used to, but it motivates him to work even harder at his training. he's pretty far from home and deeply unsure of himself, but he absolutely does not want to go back to the limited world he knew until now. so that unwillingness to look back sort of inherently keeps him trucking in search of a new purpose to latch on to

he's very sensitive to people being niceys to him, because he's not used to it at all. he's 4x weak to it and might cry if it's coming from an older woman who is even vaguely maternal, due to his horrific mommy issues. also, he wants to be useful to people ("for once"), so he has a hard time saying no to all the million quests and sidequests in the game. perfect

his inability to say no to people who request his help puts him on the Old Nymian Scholar Investigation Mission of course. i am Scholar Guy for a reason and that reason is ZT. this dude never had anything his family valued, and lived as the expendable runt of the litter his whole life, and now is suddenly entrusted with something important for the first time in his life--something bigger and older than him, a way of life, a legacy to uphold and carry forwards into the future

and that mantle is pretty heavy. but he'll carry it! and that's how he becomes a healer boy who will defend any random tonberry with his life. he feels very strongly about the extinct art of the scholars and also about being a healer in general--boy finally found his calling! also he has the echo and is our funny warrior of light but like that's fine. i'm sure the "not being able to say no to people, no matter how tired/hurt/etc he himself is" thing is not catching up any time soon. i did play DRK up to 60 though and lmao. well. hang in there. i even made an amv ab

there's some more stuff about him like how his path through eorzea and as a healer specifically is in lockstep with death at every turn and also how he's a blue mage on the side and whatever but this is long enough. here's a pic of him with one of my favorite "no one else gives a shit about this character" npcs

he's a pretty kitty and very sweet altho he does need to learn to assert himself (and starts doing so through the course of the game). he's very attached to his friends. he doesn't have any love interest or w/e for now he's figuring his own stuff out. gaining confidence. classic stuff. easy protagonist recipe. my meow meow. i played pvp just to get him a haircut. the things i do for zt

2. KRALJICA

the new baby. kraljica is not her original name, but she's never going to use her original one again. her surname is Radinasch, which used to be Aradina, before she killed her own queen who may or may not have been also her wife (ofc by hrothgar convention she then changed her surname to represent the loss of her queen) (despite being the killer) (it's a memento :) )

she is a bozjan hrothgar so we're back to ilsabard shenanigans (which remains kind of problematic for a stormblood gamer, but It's Fine). she actually knows ZT's mother, but not in a good way. Radina's group was in local political tension with ZT's mom's group, so there's some history there (notably in that kraljica would recognize ZT as "zahsa's runt" (derogatory) and not be very nice to him about it, but they don't really share a Personal history beyond the Faction Squabbles)

back to the point though, kraljica killed her queen, and most of the other followers of said queen were not very happy about that. killing the queen is like really high up on the list of things hrothgar do not want you to do. so she is branded queenkiller and exiled. some of the other hrothgar choose to follow kraljica out (having faith in her leadership for various reasons), making her their new queen as they venture to eorzea together (and all of their surnames become akraljica to match).

kraljica takes the surge of enmity against her as a natural consequence of what she did, and doesn't correct anybody who identifies her as a queenkiller in her journeys. she basically does not care about her shattered reputation or having to leave her home, because she is on, a secret, Other Scheme.

what they don't know of course is that radina asked her to do it. for scheme reasons. #women

kraljica is acting in accordance with radina's will. not even her own loyal followers know what her plan is, but they can clearly tell she has conviction; even when being hated by her people and ousted from her home, kraljica moves with that same inexhaustible willpower

(maybe she has questions, when she's alone, and wonders how much radina kept from her in the final days. and maybe she misses and mourns her. but all of that is only for her, in private, when no one can see... in front of the others, she's unflinching, and a leader they will follow no matter what...!!!)

she doesn't seem to have the echo and isnt a warrior of light. ZT can do that stuff. she's like busy with her own thing. she's running around collecting suspicious amounts of aether and being suspiciously driven and faithful to her cause. suspiciously

ok fine it's because radina asked her to cut her loose from mortality, venerate that, and bring her back as a primal. because she wants to become a war god strong enough to take revenge on the empire. something that will keep coming back, no matter how many times it's destroyed, as long as her chosen can still call for her....<3 that's so romantic

of course, what returns will not be radina-the-person. it will be an image of her will, shaped by kraljica's mind and the bloodpool of radina's aether. radina is dead for good; what kraljica is summoning is a representation of radina's goals and dreams, fueled by pure belief and a lot of aether. That Which Resembles Wife But Is Not will cast one megaflare for every minute of suffering inflicted upon bozja. (speaking to the empire thru a megaphone) this is your final warning

their summoning is pretty unorthodox and and "partial" (the primal does not manifest a corporeal form at this time, but it is certainly present in its vessel to some extent)--the game already allows a few different quirky summonings, so we're just playing calvinball and making up Another Special Case (this time owing to the specific setup and execution of radina's plan, her and kraljica's synchronicity about the whole thing, kraljica's unique position in her life, and some sprinkles of Rule Of Cool to taste) . imo the game is flexible enough about it that putting in Just One More Weird Summon Strat is not gonna break anything (LMAO) so it's fine <3

all you have to do is write in a side character who goes "but! that's not possible..." while the thing is happening in front of them

anyway suffice to say no one is doing it like radina's weird ass, and she couldn't do it without her wife guy who is willing to do whatever she wants. suffice to also say that kraljica's own aether is noticeably Weird and over-aspected by her beloved primal, and that "radina" (that which resembles wife but is not) Could Be lowkey tempering her right now and nobody would even notice it because her goal and the primal's goal are already one and the same. but that's probably fine. radina would never do that to her <3......

unless of course there are things about her even kraljica never understood. but surely that wouldn't happen

its really hard for other people to get a grip on kraljica because she won't let anybody close to her emotionally and she definitely won't spill the beans on radina's secret scheme. her boys are with her no matter what (#hrothgang) (they also picked up a viera whose city name now includes "akraljica" hahaha). other people are just like um that is a shady lady who is casting spells we dont even know how to classify. scary. also she's got a situationship with a nasty bandit milf (my friend's hrothgal<3) so we better just leave her alone. bad vibes all around

radina was a gunbreaker. kraljica is very good at manipulating aether and a strong fighter too, but i havent rly settled on a canon class for her. because her actual "canon class" is like. "a summoner from a hypothetical Other FF game. not even a specific other FF game, just Very Much Not This One" LMAO

she would just be like ah its um secret ancient arts from my homeland . you wouldnt know her. shes from a different continent. not like how they do it in limsa. not at all. goodbye (walks away mid conversation) and the arcanists could not stop her. like

anyway i'm not used to playing a female char so i keep getting distracted by her breasting boobily around. they dont let ZT jiggle like that so how was i to know... and basically, so-called free thinkers when dalmascan draped top 👇

she almost had a different face marking way back in the benchmark character creation era, but looking at it now it looks so weird without her big X . like who is that

(metian vest so important for the shoulder bulk... not gonna lie)

anyway kraljica would hear about the final aeon from ff10 and be like that's fucking right.

[yugiohz]

out of curiosity and sincerity what do you think would have been the best character arc for hawks

hmmmm, idk! I have never really had one specific alternative and "best" arc for hawks in mind. i love it for the most part, but there are incongruencies between the fundamentals and some details.

i don't have a specific arc or closure for him in mind, i simply would have loved if horikoshi hadn't let hawks' charater stagnate so much, because as much as people hate on horikoshi's writing, I like that he worked very implicitly with hawks; we are supposed to understand certain actions and statements as questionable and i dont need horikoshi to spell it all out. so his mistakes and flaws are presented as such, but they just don't lead anywhere? hawks' approach to twice is wrong and we are supposed to understand that (& that togachako represent a better approach) like that much is implied, but what exactly does post-war hawks take away from that? so i would have liked hawks to be more shaken by that mistake & learn from it.

one thing that is kept kind of ambiguous is hawks' filial attachment to endeavor. it is clear that Hawks clings to endeavor and that he sees his beloved colleague as a father figure, so he excuses and ignores a lot. i know that a lot of fans (myself included) wanted hawks to experience some sort of clarity i.e., hawks should've come to realize that he cannot expect endeavor to still fulfill that role in his life. I guess i would've liked for hawks to heal a bit from his father issues. on one hand in a personal context in the sense that he should have broken free from his filial desire to have endeavor as a father, but also in a professional context in the sense that hawks should have developed a more critical stance and distance to endeavor the hero. it's genuinely sad to me that he STILL clings to endeavor until the penultimate chapter and even doubles down despite being so intimate with the abuse that endeavor's family had to endure.

another thing i was disappointed by (and it kinda connects the other points) is that hawks deals with his mistake similary to endeavor: analogous to how endeavor lets dabi take out his anger on him, hawks leaves himself vulnerable for a toga clone to attack him; but neither "atonement" is followed up with any significant, lasting, or material changes; it is just a personal punishment and nothing more.

my overall criticism is that hawks' character stagnated; while i also don't like the route that hori chose for dabi, i can at least see and respect that he never let dabi's character stagnate (dabi is full of surprises until the last panel), i can't say the same for hawks and that's a shame.

anyway i talked about his character a bit more here, it's mainly about the dabihawks dynamic, but i think i cover some general points that are important to me as well :)

[angellic-critique]

Honestly my biggest fear is to end up writing my characters the same way vivzie does, I feel like she doesn't even try on certain characters(female characters and literally any other that isn't her "uwu baby boi must be protected at all costs" characters like stolas, angel dust). Like imagine completely missing the point of your own character/srs

to everyone pre-release worries and anxieties just as much as I have-- Please take this time to read or explore different interests of books or authors of subjects and genres you like ! In the era of internet where the golden age of information is rusting into brainrot, the less time online anymore the better. I've been taking javascript/python tutorials for myself attempting to make a dating simulator for literal years at this point and its bounced around to the point of where I branched off to develop my own murder mystery 2-d sidescroller !

I wish for this to be a farewell letter to the crushed hopes and dreams I had for the original hazbin pilot and crew has moved on to other things whereas viv attempted to spitefully keep a story she clearly doesn't have any passion over- it is very evident over her lack of care for her own characters purely for the monetary gains of attempting and sadly wriggling her way into industry the way she did is so abhorrent to the world of genuine art and animation I grew up with.

Has Vivzie ever read a Felix the Cat comic strip or Dilbert even Hägar The Horrible? Does she even know about the history and strive of depth that animation has been at for hundreds of years? Does she even like comics, clearly not if she doesn't even have the patience to write her own and horribly rush whichever story she's interested in that day. I've never seen a careless writer be this selfishly unashamed to write literal garbage and surface level 'intrigue' of design and then falling flat face first at EVERY step. Hope she becomes as unbearable of a director as John K. is because honestly even though I'm cringing making that comparison, it's pretty fair in my book considering the outright ABUSE she has always trying to talk or hoard artists into her 'pet project' I recommend above anything else to watch Dan Stamanolous' 'Moral Orel' if you want an actually funny dark comedy or Christy Karacas' fast paced dark horror comic-come-to-life Superjail! for good animattion that doesn't belittle its audience... *[Trigger Warnings for Adult Swim-esque outdated 2007 humor and light transphobia, read for your own triggers if you dont want to though, please!]

The fact that Stollitz is written so flimsily like a wattpad fanficiton of tropes rolled into one is astounding to me, I used to like the dynamic pre-season 2 as I've mentioned on here and @tired-hellowl so I really don't want to get a headache going into how I USED to like it-Realizing the problematic consent issues all of STOLASS is, I physically cannot watch another Helluva or Hazbin promo anymore without rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

To the anons and people who used to also enjoy vivs work, there are other artists and there are other stories to tell. If you wish to be inspired from Dante's Inferno/Hell or WESTERN CHRISTIAN BASED RELIGION keep in mind what source material you're doing because I don't even think vivzie has picked up the bible once in her life.... And I say this as a drifter in the world who believes in reincarnation I don't really vibe with the athiest stereotypes however, I don't believe in most religion but more power to people that do get hope and love from their teachings and cultures.

She entirely missed the mark for several years, nearly a decade. Viv has had time and time again chance and opportunity to give a chance of storytelling with demons and what does she do? Adult Cartoon that has the demons scream 'FUCK SHIT DAMNIT DAMNIT LOOK IM SO HORNY AND SILLY AND WACKY WOAHH THE SCREEN IS CONSTANTLY MOVING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A SECOND TO BREATH IN ANY AMOUNT OF WORLBUILDING OR SETTING BECAUSE FUCK. YOU.'--

I have said this time and time again- there is no substance or worth about Helluva Bosses or Hazbins writing, even without the show not being released because Amazon seems ashamed about it, I know it'll be a shitshow.

Honestly at this point I agree with the redesign community, take any character you used to like and rewrite them until it's unrecognizable from the original source material, let those fuckers in space fight alien pirates or hell take them out of the heaven and hell trope and just flip it on it's head entirely out of earth or wherever you want to set your story! I'm personally redesigning angel to be a slight aid to my addiction help via rewriting him into my murder mystery heheh while keeping the sexual abuse and recovery in mind because woah that shit happened to me too man !!!

I wish the best to any future writers, animators, programmers, lovers of animation or art, you can do what you put your mind and hands to! Spread more positivity and love then hate in this world please guys, this'll be the last time I pop in I promise I'm trying to get a better job and hopefully get accepted in a community college that i've been on the fence over trying to do more online coding ! The sky is the limit!<3

[catboygirljoker]

*crashes through the ceiling* Hi, hello! 💜 I saw you have a KH OC and I love listening about people's OCs, so I have questions:

How did Lamia fall in love with Xigbar? How do their relationship look like? Do they live together and have any domestic life? What does Xigbar think of Lamia?

!!!!!!!!! ourghghghh thank you!! :o) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am in the process of writing a novel-length fanfiction that answers all of these questions tee hee. i am clinging on to bitter hope that i will actually be able to write and finish it because i just. really love lamia and xigbar and i really love their relationship in my brain. like im way too verbose to pitch "xiglam" in a way that feels satisfying to me so i have to just write a 100k+ fic and gesture at that and say THAT. THEM. THEY

(though my lamiaposting tag has some art by me and my lovely partner that illustrates at least some of why i love them. smile.)

also oops i hyperfocused and made a xiglam moodboard (featuring art from my partner, depicting them multiple years into their mutual loving relationship). i just. smiling at them and kicking my feet.

long long answer under the cut tee hee

broadly they fall in love because they are both fucked up in ways that happen to mesh together really well. lamia is depressed, self-destructive, prickly, and isolated, and though he has friends who love him dearly (and who he loves dearly!) they try to get him to take care of himself by being like "you have people who care about you" "youre a person and that means you deserve to be happy" etc. and that just. doesnt compute for lamia. he has a million reasons why none of that works for him.

then along comes some fuckin weird old guy in a black coat, a pragmatic and cynical asshole who just laughs at lamia and goes "if you dont get some sleep or eat something soon youre going to straight up die. then what'll you do. idiot" and it works. it shortcuts all of the usual walls they have up against any well-meaning advice and enables them to actually take care of themself in basic ways.

on the flip side, lamia is the first person in a very long time who has sincerely surprised xigbar. xigbar believes that the universe is inherently cruel, indifferent, miserable, painful. and that friendship, hope, altruism, goodness, kindness, all of that, is a result of people either not understanding the true nature of the universe or willfully ignoring it. he clocks lamia immediately as someone who understands firsthand how miserable and painful the universe can be and that their self-destructiveness is a result of that trauma. and he thinks he understands them completely because of that.

however. despite the Horrors, despite being the Bearer of a Curse, despite his Tragic Backstory, despite despite despite—lamia still believes that there is goodness in the world worth fighting for. he may be in many ways pragmatic and cynical like xigbar is, but he also believes fundamentally in friendship. hope. altruism. all of it. that (and a few other Lore things) are deeply intriguing to xigbar.

it also really helps that lamia's into dilfs and xigbar's into blond twinks. and that lamia's pissy argumentative streak (a paper-thin veil for his genuine affection for the old man) is fun and endearing to xigbar. they complement each other in Themes ways but they also just have a dynamic i really like thinking about. :3

they wouldnt have an opportunity to even consider living together or having a domestic life until both of their personal arcs are resolved (they both have to Deal with their Pasts and having been abused/abandoned/neglected by their guardians). "post-canon" i imagine xigbar isnt really capable of settling down and having a "normal life." he lives with lamia but hes frequently gone without warning, wandered off somewhere, like a stray cat you can get to eat on your porch but can never get to come inside.

but theyre happy. they Heal. xigbar eventually moves into a replica once his current body starts failing on him. lamia gains a bunch of weight (positive) and goes on T. they get a cat or something. but they never get married (lamia doesnt see the point) and never have kids (these two should NOT be parents it would be a catastrophe)

[yellowocaballero]

i dont know if this something you put a lot of thought into but it seems like you might and im curious so, what are some of your favorite themes to write about/the themes that interest you in writing or media?

Oh wow, good question. I put both a lot of thought and very little into the themes of my work. I always sit down and decide what I'm saying, and the meaning of the story, but some things always emerge in the writing. I usually discover what a story is actually about as I'm writing it. It's usually only after I finish the work that I realize what themes I had put in there, which seems like it should be bad. I think this means that a lot of my themes come through subconsciously. They're typically just...things I think about a lot.

I think the one thing I keep on coming back to is *tumblr voice* the mortifying ordeal of being known. That entire article, including the image of walking down a hundred stories of hell before reaching heaven, reconfigured my brain. It's just so damn hard to exist in a world with other people in it. There's an inevitability to hurting each other, but the love's worth it. Playing The World Ends With You at a vulnerable age primed me for obsession with this. That one quote from The Little Prince, ya know.

Generational trauma, cycles of trauma and abuse, and the long-term impact of trauma comes up a lot for me too. How being fucked up makes you fuck up others, the long-term consequences of being fucked up, the coping mechanisms we develop as a result. The ugly side of trauma and mental illness, the way we lash out and hurt people. I talk about escapism a lot, and the impact that has on you and the people around you long-term. This is usually exemplified through amnesia plotlines. This is a deep cut, but the Warchild series by Karin Lowachee had the best take on this I've read in a book.

Non-traditional love. I end up writing a lot of sibling dynamics, but I like creating unnamable and undefinable relationships. A lot of things I write just become very aro and asexual narratives. Love that saves. Love that isn't enough, but it still matters. The other side of love, which is grief.

I could go on. Forgiving yourself. Struggling to determine how to be a good person. How your identity & the intersections of your identity affect who you are. Power and power dynamics. A LOT of man vs self stories, like a lot a lot (I'm not overly interested by villains). The experience of being mentally ill and navigating the world as a mentally ill and/or disabled person. The differences between navigating the world as a man or a woman. I write a lot, so a lot of stuff tends to come up, lol. Roleswaps - fucking, somehow, for some reason, WHY, WHY DO I WRITE SO MUCH OF THEM -

Thanks for the ask, I had to do some self-reflection to answer it! I never really realize I'm writing about these things until I am, again. They're just all part of my framework of how I understand the world. Everybody has those, but when you're a writer it's easier to pull them out and microscope them.

[danimals666]

Im so mad at the fact that people are trying to pin Alador into being "he's not a good dad! Never was never will be. He's abusive and neglectful. He knows what he's doing."

LIKE GIIIIRRLLL. DID Y'ALL NOT SEE HOW HE AND AMITY RECONNECTED AND HOW HE FOUGHT AGAINST HIS WIFE IN AN ATTEMPT TO PROTECT HIS KIDS AND HIS HOME ??????????? ???

LIKE I GET THAT HE WASNT GOOD IN THE BEGINNING. *HE* KNOWS THAT TOO. He *knows* what he did wrong and he definitely feels remorse for all of what he did and the blind eye he turned to Odalia.

He heard his daughter out. He connected with her !!!! He told her he would try !!! And he is !!!!!!!! Now that Odalia is out of the picture, Alador now has the means to slowly rebuild that family bond with his kids. And you can TELL THAT THE KIDS ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE THEIR DAD. AMITY RRRAANNN TO HUG HIM AFTER THEY FOUND EACHOTHER. SHE LOVES HER DAD, SAME WITH THE TWINS !!! THEY LOVE THEIR DAD !!! THEY KNOW HES TRYING !!!

"but we barely see any reconnecting! He's not trying! He's still a bad dad" HOW MUCH SCREENTIME DO YOU THINK THEY HAD TO GIVE ALADOR ?????? HUH ??? There HAS to be some off screen connections for it to wOOORRKK !!!

Alador is regretful. He wishes he couldve done things better but HES DOING THAT NNNOOWW. HE GOT THE DIVORCE. HE HAS HIS KIDS. HES LISTENING TO THEM NOW. HE LOVES THEM AND HES SO PROUD OF WHAT THEYVE ACOMPLISHED. (Thats an ON SCREEN THING. HE TELLS AMITY HOW PROUD HE IS OF HER PROGRESS WITH MAGIC. HOW SHES DOING SO GOOD.)

Alador IS a good dad. He's TRYING. he LOVES his kids. He would DIE for them. Sure he might fall back into old habits of spending all his time in the workshop or forgetting important things from time to time but he's trying his hardest. He probably has like little notes all over his workshop (somewritten by himself others written by his kids cuz they know how he is too) reminding him of things, telling him to take breaks, etc. And hed appreciate that and hed go out and hed cook dinner for the family and the kids would gather around him and bother him while he cooks (mainly edric and emira cuz i think amity would sit at the table and watch from a distance with a smile on her face) and hed very gently try to shoo them off (it dont work) and alador would turn to amity and give her a look like "can you help me?" And she just shakes her head with a BIGGER smile.

Theyd have a GOOD FAMILY DYNAMIC AFTER THE DIVORCE AND U CANT TELL ME THEY WOOULLLDDNNTTT.

ok thats all i think.

[thurio-edau]

okay, the history of my life with a narcissistic (i dont even know if i wrote that right) abusive elder sister and a fucked up family story. because i have to sort things out. there will be... a lot of things about me that i've never talked about before. you really don't have to read this. i just need to scream into the void.

warning. possible REALLY disturbing things ahead.

alright. here goes nothing.

i was a little child, three years younger than her. ever since i gained conciousness, due to living with her and staying in the same room, i had to be around my elder sister. and i was a naive child. i used to be a polyanna even... yeah. me. a polyanna. first of all,

anger issues are genetic in our family. mostly in my father's side but they exist in my mama's side too. my father has externalized anger issues, while my ma internalized. my sister always resembled our father in everything while i picked up after our mom. which, was also the case in our genetical anger problems.

externalized anger was always the same. yelled, screamed, fought, hit, then pretend like nothing happened after the crisis. and the internalized would silently take whatever happened and never fight back, but instead of having that nothing-happened feeling the internalized would keep it. keep it in and activate their anger themselves, but also towards themselves. never out. this caused bottled up rage and self-inflicted damage, physical or mental. and it'd stay, the external passed but the internal never did. it remained and turned into sadness, suffering, agony and pain.

the dynamic, external and internal dynamic, always remained the same way. like my father and my mom, it was the same in my sister and i. and for some fucking dumb reason i don't even know both me and mom are soft, forgiving people that always feel bad to act slightly rude. we're just like that. we are too soft. we are too forgiving. just like how she forgave father and still loved him. i would cover my ears in my bed at night while my father yelled at her, his voice increasing always terrified me. i was scared. but my mom still forgave him and loved him. and i was the same with my sister.

i was a fucking child just wanting to be loved. for complicated and long reasons, i hardly saw my father growing up. i'll try to explain. my father, for years, was blamed for terrorism and he spent years prisoned. a few years he was in, but a few years he ran away just to work and provide for his family. he's not a bad person. he tried to care. he tried to, but he didn't know how to do certain things. and when he ran away, he had to work on smaller jobs to not get caught. when he was caught however, we had a long period of time where we fought severe income problems. without a father and an uneducated housewife mom, everything was hard for us. my father was prisoned, and i hardly saw him for long years. there were monthly meetings however, but just those. there were also phone calls but as i said, i was a child. so there wasn't much to be said.

and my mama used antideprassants. without anyone to support her financially any emotionally, and having her husband far away, while dealing with her own traumatic childhood, away from her home, as a mother raising two kids, life was hard for her. she tried, she tried so damn hard, to raise us. she seemed strong for us, she laughed with us, she read us stories to sleep and always tried to make us happy and feel like nothing was happening. and she succeeded. i wasn't even aware of everything for long years.

but for a lot of things we had to depend on other people. grandmother, aunts, uncles... and my mom grew up in an environment where she was seen as an extra. some help. not as a human being. for that she saw getting help as being a burden. while her thoughts didn't go through my sister's thick skull, i was a much more sensible child. too sensible in fact. so i grew up in the same mindset as my mom. never depend on others. be your own person because you're a weakling if you need help. you're just a burden if you need other people and can't stand on your own. i had the same mindset. i was a fucking child.

and our personalities were done by the time. before my father was prisoned, since my sister was the first child, she was given a lot of care. she was a gifted child; reading newspapers at three years old, writing good, maths and science, learning a lot of things, gripping stuff easily, smart... and the care given to her boosted her ego a lot. she wanted attention. when i was born, the attention went to her still. because c'mon, they had a gifted child. i was a silent, calm child. probably nothing like her. so the attention still went to her. it made her feel as if the world was only around her. when my father was prisoned, it only kept going on. my mother gave us equal love and care, but my elder sister already had her ego damn high.

she always saw herself as something perfect, above all else. which included me too. she trashed me, always yelled at me, hurt me, yet she acted the perfect daughter. because i couldn't talk. because i, despite being pushed aside by her (and by her manipulation for years, our cousins because we grew up together with them and she was the same age as them) (except for nola, she's three years younger than me) and being bullied, hurt, i still yearned for her love. i remember it so damn vividly. i would draw hearts and make cutouts for her, i would try to do stuff she loved, just to have some worth and care in her eyes. just for her to love me. i still saw her as my sister because that's what she was. i lived together with her, i was around her, and i was touch starved as a child. no father around to care -and he always cared for her 'gift' more than he cared for me- and having our cousins by her side, i was always pushed away. i wanted love too, care too, attention too, and i tried so fucking hard for years just for her to love me too.

but it never worked. seeing how i was still around her it only made her worse. she did worse. i have had derealization issues since childhood. i had existensal crisises, real life issues, derealization and depersonalization issues as a child. i always mixed real life with my imagination, with my daydreams and night dreams. maybe i imagined some of the abuse. i still don't know if it was real or a dream, but it felt damn real and i remember it vividly. the damage was already done. and it was irreversible. and i still tried to get her to love me and to care for me. i remember us going to our aunt's vacation site for summers and she befriended everyone in the site and played with them and got them to bully me. and what did i do? i still tried. i still tried to get some love from her and the people there. random people i didn't know, but they were her friends, so they should be my friends too right? it hurt so damn much but i still tried. i still tried to have some love and care, some attention, in hopes that i'd also be included. but the same happened everywhere. alone with her, with our cousins, with her friends, it always happened. but i still tried. i was desperate to get the attention i couldn't get from our father and her. from our cousins, the only people around us. because i realized our mom was only putting up a facade in front of us. i faced real life when i was eight years old. and once you realize your mom's happiness is just a facade you realize how everything is fake. i even doubted her sometimes.

reminder on just how fucked up the situation was: i was eight years old.

yet i was a polyanna. i tried to be a polyanna. i tried to smile and laugh because my mom was doing the same. my mom was crying by herself and smiling for us, my mom was using medication while dying inside, my mom was dealing with her childhood. and i picked up after her. if she smiled, laughed, to make others feel happy and love her, i should do the same right? no matter how unloved i felt, if i did the same, i would have what i wanted right? now that i look back i realize how fucking desperate i was. i tried my whole life for some care and i never got it. and i still laughed and tried again. i mean, if i'm not gonna have what i wanted, at least not make others feel bad. at least make them happy right? so i still laughed. i had the perfect fake smile by the time i was nine.

i was at elementary school. i tried again. and this time? it worked. with that smile, with that laugh, i was able to have 'friends'. i felt important, the polyanna had people around 'her' by acting like a sunshine. i was in the school bus. i spent first grade in the same school bus as my sister because we went to the same school, she was fourth grade then. and i was silent in the bus. because she was there. and the people the same age as her actually bullied me that whole year when i was like seven. but once she was gone, when i was in second grade and she (also those with her) were in middle school, i could shine in the school bus. i talked, laughed, smiled when she was away. and there i had people around me too. people loved the polyanna. i succeeded. it may have took me years but i won what i wanted. i had people around me at school. i loved school in elementary. because it was the only place i had people that cared. or at least felt like it, but i had friends and i wasn't alone.

how happy, right? well. even though i had what i tried for so long, some attention and love, i still felt... an emptiness. while i didn't have that emptiness at school with my 'friends', i had it again as soon as i left. it always returned when i was alone again. it always returned when i was home again. so i tried again. to fill that void, again, with my elder sister. try to have her love again because i couldn't tire my mom. she was already tired. i didn't want to exhaust her. i tried to get love from my sister, from my cousins, i tried.

and i got attention from our aunts. i loved them so much, our aunts and uncles loves me so much. i even think they adored me more than my sister. the only people that cared for me more than they cared gor her gift was them. and i loved them so much. but seeing that the attention wasn't always on her (and they also loved her a lot, just that they gave us equal attention or a teensy bit more to me) my sister got mad. she had a high ego while she crushed mine since i gained conciousness. so she hurt me about it behind the curtains. she'd pressure me like 'they spoiled you so much' 'you're so selfish' 'you never care about others' 'you're too spoiled' which eventually became such a key stone in my mind. and the burden mindset was placed. i started to feel like a burden around everyone. because i was spoiled. i was selfish for wanting their love. i was selfish for being touch starved. and by time that emptiness took over. i started to never think about myself then. i always put other people ahead of myself, yeah, but that got extreme then. i forgot i was a being. because i wasn't anymore. i was just a burden, a pain, something selfish that doesn't deserve anything it's getting. something so selfish that it didn't know what the real world was, something so selfish it only lived inside it's own mind, mixed the reality with it's daydreams where it was cared about. so by time that became my whole personality.

when i was ten years old that was all i knew. i just knew that i was simply nothing, thinking anything i save for myself is being selfish. thinking i was a burden. the satisfaction i acquired by having people i loved in school gave it's place to emptiness. because i wanted to be loved, that for sure was selfishness and only made me a burden to the people i wanted attention from, right? of course. what a logical thing to believe. how smart of you, little polyanna. but i believed it. i was a naive kid. there, i was now a full blown people pleaser. the 'friends' i had were only people for me to be around to make them happy. it was a one way road. and with that i still panicked, am i being a burden?

so when i was at 5th or 6th grade, my father got back. he was searched for a while (but not very much searched. cops invaded our house just a few times) but he was escaping. i had my father back, but he was a stranger. he wasnt here while i was growing up, what was i supposed to do? he was like a big friend that we saw once a month. now he was constantly with us... and he realized the elder daughter he left wasnt the same. thats when it all went downhill.

then i got into middle school... the school part is different, this is just the family. wild stuff happened at school so my mentality already went shit.

it was good for a while. our income increased (not greatly, but an increase was an increase) and we now had a father! it was good, right? no. since we only saw him once a month, he was always smiley around us. loving. caring. but those values leave when you always see the person. because now youre with them every day. and that was exactly what happened. he was strict, he demanded there be dinner ready at 19.30 when he was coming home from work. he would get mad if all of us werent in the kitchen, helping our mom set the dinner. he would yell. it didnt usually get physical, but... that didnt mean never.

his anger issues became more apparent day by day. and my elder sister is like a carbon female copy of him, with added emotional things and lots of ego. so what happens if you put an angry father in the same house as the 'gifted' but burning out daughter, who is really self-centered? chaos.

every day almost, it was yelling. yelling and yelling and yelling. i learnt to mask my emotions, i learnt to be the wall. i learnt to shut my door and put my earphones on. i learnt to close my eyes, to ignore, then to smile and act like i loved them the same. but every time, i hated them both more. my insomnia started at 6th grade. after we went to sleep, the yelling would continue. because he couldnt take his anger out of a 12 year old, right? then his yelling went to my mom. even after they shut up and went to sleep like nothing happened, i would cry in my bed, covering my ears because his voice still rang in my ears. any kind of yelling started to trigger me. i feared my own father at 9 years old, how do i not fear anyone else?

some days my sister and i would go out together to the market. i tried to be around her because i still yearned for her love. she just used me as a rambling dump. because, i cant deny it, a lot of pressure was put on her because of her gift. she had a lot of people expecting much from her, she was sent to special schools while i was in public schools, she had people looking at her. so she would turn the pressure on her to me. to this day she still tells me that since all the pressure went to her, i was set free. she said 'they put us in the same scale. if our father makes me do something, he counts is as you did too. they think you're the same as me.' what she doesn't realize is they're also thinking of me as a smaller version of her. the pressure put on her is being reflected to me. anyways, during one of those days. i never forget. as i said, i always loved and forgave everyone. which included both my father and sister. i remember her say, 'i just want him to stay because he's getting money.' her only care for our father was that he was working. she was 12 years old.

i learnt to not use money. i always felt the heaviness of it. my father often talked about it, how it was hard to get by. debt, debt, debt, debt... i saw what i wanted as extras. i ignored my wants. i even ignored my needs. i refused each time my mom asked to get me anything new. i have clothes, i dont need new ones. its old, its ripped, i dont care. i have it. i dont need a new one. my shoes ripped open. its still working, i dont need anything. i started to deny everything offered to me. i didn't need to eat because that meant they would eat less. after a while, numbness arrived. also reminding that i had a school life that was going fucked up too. i was constantly bullied by people i called my friends back then. but i said nothing. i was already a burden, anything i do was a burden.

i didnt tell them i was bullied. i didnt tell them i lost all my friends. i didnt tell them i was feeling like nothing, i didnt tell them i needed help. i remember, a TV series was made. it was about a psychiatrist's patients. one day, when i was beside my mom, she was watching and the patient gave a big amount of money to pay for the visit. my mom said, '[deadname], dont have anything happen to you. look at how expensive that is.'

to her it was just a comment. she didnt even think. but it made me push away my mental needs.

i was just something that made our family lose money. i was worth nothing. that was all i was thinking. i was a burden, a pain, i was only hurting them by existing. i was ten fucking years old. i started wanting to die.

then the quarantine arrived... god. i was now stuck in the same house as both my father and sister. i wanted to escape them so i started sleeping in the fucking balcony until winter. it was my safe haven, far away from everyone. my father pressured my studies and online classes. he had strict rules. he, once again, was making me hate him. and during these days, things with my sister got weird. or was it before quarantine? i dont know.

so my sister now didnt have as much attention as she used to. and she hated our father. but those days, i had become numb. i was like empty, a puppet my logic played. i smiled when needed, i fought when required; but never let my emotions let alone control, think about being in the charge of me. during these days, my cousins started to love me and hate my sister, during these days, i became close with nola. my sister lost the attention. she became extremely clingy. she said she changed in person, but the abuser never remembers what the abused does. i had trauma amnesia, yeah, but i had it in my mind.

i pushed her away this time. i got away from her. i was really rude to her, but in reality i was just protecting myself. and once again, yelling. she yelled whenever she didnt get what she wanted. and then acted like nothing happened right after. because she was just like our father, external anger issues. and i hated yelling now. i sometimes cried even when a voice raised slightly. i started reading people. a small change in tone made me think they hated me. i was terrified of everyone. paranoid. i acted tough, strong, i tried to be tough and strong. but inside i was bottling up everything. i ignored everything about myself and gave my all for others.

she got clingier. at this point i started to feel anger. the numbness somehow broke and i started to feel again, this time to just be angry all the time. but my anger was internalized, i couldnt reflect it outside. i just wasnt able to. besides, anything i did would add gasoline to the fire that was our 'family'. so i started to relieve the anger by self harm. the difference is that, back then the cuts i made weren't permanent marks. now they are.

my sister tried to connect with me. but since it all turned into yelling, even after we successfully talked, it just broke me. i was now far more rude. i pushed her away at every chance. i lost my forgiving side against her.

fast forwarding the two years. in this space, my father got arrested once and for all then was set free. after that he got a really good job that was his dreams, to work on robots. but he had to move to another city for that. everything calmed down then. i now could keep my eating disorder the way i wanted because i didnt have a father forcing dinner on us every day. he was lost with his strictness. he only got home at weekends... which also caused chaos. dont think this means i hate my family. i love my mom forever. i love my father, mostly. and, i might never admit it, but i care about my sister too. i hate her but... yeah. i want her to go away, but i dont want anything bad happen to her either. because im still too fucking soft. i ignore all her abuse. now she hates me again. she bullies me whenever she can... but also tries again to have my attention. its complicated. she's really emotional, she cries a lot. i hugged her when she cried the other day. i wanted to break my own arms for it. i dont want to be around her. but i have to.

stopped eating. because who cares? my sister knows. she knows i have one. she just doesnt give a fuck. she doesnt care that im killing myself with this.

the other day i directly told to her, 'you destroyed my life.' she immediately denied. but its my life. that you dont know of. you dont know what you caused me, you dont know what i went through. you destroyed my life. but i still cant help but care about you. you took everything from me. but i still have our connection, and its sacred for me.

as much as i want to cut it off.

yeah. i cried multiple times while writing this. i rememberred a lot of stuff i forgot. i dont think anyone will read my whole family story -at least whole that i can remember now- anyway cause its way too long.

and im sorry if you read all this. im a fucking mess. this is just the family part, there is the school part too but i dont know if i'll write that. sometimes i doubt myself, 'maybe im overreacting what i went through. maybe im not depressed and just want attention.' but after this... i, really really dont know what to say. im so done. im so tired. im so fucking tired. i wanted to kill myself since i was ten years old. i almost killed myself a few times. im so tired. its not that i want to die, i realized. its that i dont want to live this. i just want to rest, please. i just need to be alone. far away from this 'family' that will throw me away. im so fucking tired. im so fucking done. im so exhausted of cutting myself and then having to bandage it. having to hide my arm. im so fucking tired of wanting to throw my whole stomach out each time i eat. im so fucking sick of closing my eyes and not being able to sleep.

im so done with my mood swings. im so done with looking at the mirror and seeing someone i dont want to be. im so done with looking at my non-working antideprassants and wanting to overdose on them. im so done with standing on the roof, wanting to jump down. im so done with everything. im so done.

someone save me from this hell this loophole i dont want to be in this pain please i dont want to have to feel this every single fucking day i want to be normal for once i want to feel loved accepted cared about cherished everything i wasnt given as a child

save me

please

its hard to breathe

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Analysis of Shouto-Touya/Dabi Relationship;

Thanks for the ask, @trinityrus. And dont worry. Your english is fine ^^. I actually talk about this a little in here and here but well, lets start.

I think Shouto and Touya’s relationship is very entertaining and amazing because despite the fact that they are siblings but they are strangers but even so, they are same because of Endeavour’s abuse but even that abuse is different so that makes them different.

Shouto and Touya always wanted to switch because they thought other one had it better.

Shouto always had Endeavour’s attention, he was used as tool to make his father’s dreams come true so he wished he could be just like his siblings but that wouldnt make his life better because his siblings are traumatized in a different way. That ‘neglect’, the idea that ‘they are failure’ to their father. Especially we know how it broke Touya.  Shouto cant relate to Touya’s desire to please his father because he never liked his father.

And Touya thinks if he wasnt failure, if he was strong enough, if he was just like Shouto, he thinks his life would be better but it wouldnt because that ‘training’, carrying the dreams of their parents is abuse, even Touya didnt see it that way. They both are miserable in a different way. Whether you are golden child or black ship, doesnt matter, because you are still abuse victim. Basically, just from the start, they unable to understand each other’s sitution.

Shouto as ‘golden child’, he hated his left side. Because his father abused his mother, Shouto didnt want to be like him, thats why he ‘repressed’ it.

Touya as ‘abandonded child’, he hold on every similarities between him and his father because he desperately need his attention. And he was never taught to how to put out the fire, which is why, instead of repression, we see opposite of it. Expression. Him ‘lashing out’. His feelings are out of control and he doesnt know how to stop it.

This is the same dynamic we see between main villain trio and main hero trio. Izuku repress his anger and self destructs while Tomura express his anger and his anger is literally out of control, both hurting himself and others. Uraraka repress her needs and her romantic feelings while Toga express everything. Same for Shouto and Dabi too. Shouto respress his anger and anything relates to his past while Dabi express and hold onto every part of his past.

Earlyroki was also repressing but even when he repress, his anger would come out of control. He would fail miserably and lash out to people around him. His fight with Midoriya calmed him down because he finally see his own wroth outside of his father and he started to heal. But the problem is his flaw didnt go away.

Shouto continued to repressing everything. He endured to work with his father and continued to training under him. We can see how his ‘anger’ didnt go away because he almost killed Tetsutetsu in match. He endures, endures, until he cant anymore. Then his feelings get out of control. Its good thing that Shouto wants to be his own hero but the way system it is, it forces him to work with his abuser and since hero kids are raised to be like soldiers, he is unable to heal properly. He wants to move on and be his own person but its like he is stuck.

Their biggest common point with dabi is that anger that made them more like their father, this is what Shouto see in Dabi. ‘He is me’. Its actually very mature of Shouto to see that he could turn out just like his big brother but at the same time, he is projecting a lot. Thats one of the issues between Shouto and Touya.

Shouto relates to Dabi’s anger but since he is trying to move on so bad, he is repressing his anger. One of the biggest flaws of both Shouto and Dabi’s is they distance theirselves from their feelings a lot.

This is why we see Shouto asking this; If you survived back then, why didnt you come home?

As if Earlyroki wouldnt run away, if he had a chance.

‘Dad was a madman, our family was messed up’. By saying this, Shouto lessens his own trauma. As if Endeavour didnt hurt innocent people. He is busy with ‘playing hero’ because thats how he was taught. End of the day, he is still hero and heroes are not allowed to have feelings in society.

Todoroki family doesnt really know the Earlyroki or you could say ‘it was okay Shouto to be violent, since he is hero and he only hurts villains’ but Shouto know his own feelings, his dark side and thats why he still can see Dabi as brother. He is the only one who seems to see Dabi as person more than other members of family.

Because of Endeavour, Shouto wants to become kind of hero who wants to save his family, he wants to be invidual so Dabi is perfect match for him. Dabi is big challenge for him to be the kind of person he wants to be because he symbolize the past Shouto tries to repress. He knows he has to face it but he really doesnt know how to. This is why we see him treating him as brother in one moment and tries to talk with him but the fight goes on, he starts treating him as villain. ‘You wont hurt innocent people anymore’.

Shouto cant reach out to Touya because he didnt adress his own trauma properly. If Shouto cant see himself as victim, he cant see Touya either. If society doesnt see the flaws of society that lets people like Endeavour get away, then he cant save his brother.

This is even more obvious with Dabi. He literally see him as puppet and copy of Endeavour. Just like Shouto, they both know what happenned to them is abuse, that they both are victims but he internalized his abuse too much, Dabi justify the abuse Endeavour did to him in his mind. That he is failure and Shouto is masterpiece so if Dabi cant see himself as victim, not as failure, then how can see Shouto as another victim, instead of masterpiece? They both dehumanizing theirselves, thats exactly why they unable to see each others as inviduals because they cant even allow theirselves to be invidual.

Once again, we can see this with Shouto when he looked at is brother’s power and he said ‘we both carry the same blood’, even though he was supposed to be not bound by blood. We can still see him struggling with his own issues.

So basically, if they want to heal, they have to adress their own pain. They have to accept that they are victims. Shouto has to stop repressing his anger and shouldnt force himself to get along with system and Dabi has to realize that even he was powerfull like Shouto, his problems wouldnt be solved. That training would still be abuse. So i cant imagine those two healing without acknowledging each others’s pain because that way, they will also have to acknowledge their pain first.

Both Shouto and Dabi still looking for a reason for their existence. Why were they born at that home? They both desperarely looking worth in theirselves. Shouto find it in class 1 A and Dabi find it in league. Shouto wants to know his brother better and be together with his family and Dabi in deep also wants to turn back to his family (except Endeavour because he doesnt deserve it).

Of course, Dabi is gonna push Shouto first and he is still pushing him because he is pushing himself. He acts like Touya is someone else, that his identity died but its not true. We see it with his fight with Shouto. First, he acts like a villain and make a speech about society but the fight goes on, he loose his anger and starts to act like brother, opposite of Shouto who repress it, Dabi express it.

Since those two desire for the same and they can understand each others more than anyone, i think they will eventually get along really well. And i mentioned in my other post, their characters really fits each others. Touya always express himself with actions more than words while Shouto always pay attention to someone’s actions more than their words. They will get along really well.

Bonus;

Source

When they were kids, they were strangers but Shouto always wanted to know about his big brother Touya more and most likely, Touya didnt want to feel jeolosy towards innocent Shouto but he couldnt help it. But if Endeavour wasnt horrible human being, then they would most likely support each others and become great heroes together. Even as villain-hero, they inspire each others so as heroes, they would even be better and thats the future they deserve.

[moonlit-dreamers]

Name all your favourite TSAMS ships

fuuucckk dude

this is like asking someone which pet is their favorite you cant do this to me man ;-;

but i might as well talk about some specific ships that ive been rotating around in my brain more recently tho fair warning that a lot of these will have more abusive themes (tho i'll try to be as brief as possible since i dont want this post to go on forever lol)

off to a great start with sunvant/lord eclipse. ik a lot of ppl like to make them fluffy but they got so much toxic potential. like idk man. the power imbalance + lord eclipse being both physically and emotionally abusive is some good shit. sunvant is absolutely and purely devoted to him. nothing eclipse could do would change that. every punishment is a lesson. every reward is a blessing. every command is a job he does happily. yes, hes absolutely terrified of his lord, but isnt everyone? isnt everyone meant to be scared of their god? if he isnt scared then is he really appreciating his lords true beauty and raw power? idk man. some good shit right there

the obvious sun/eclipse. i can never escape them in any form. main dimension sun/eclipse, dark sun/eclipse, sunbeam (eaps sun)/eclipse, sunvant/eclipse. all of the above pls. but if we're going with MAIN dimension suneclipse their relationship could be sooo many things. (which is y i like the ship so much bc its so versatile!) it could be a fixer-upper, abusive, friends/enemies with benefits, you name it. anything and everything is possible with these 2 bitches and its wonderful

sun/solar is actually the first thing i shipped. even BEFORE sun/eclipse. shocking, ik, but i felt like they had sooooo much potential THAT NOBODY FUCKING SAW. like- an emotionally broken down mechanic who feels guilty over the death of his own sun and an anxious mess that just wants to make things better. how could it be any more perfect??? solar coping over his suns death with sun by accepting that hes gone but at least he has another to love and he wont be empty forever. AUGH

solar/eclipse. im fucking rabid over these 2. like idk man. i feel like theyd be so weird about potentially liking someone whos like a distorted reflection of themself. projecting their own self loathing onto each other then realizing just how similar they actually are and how it.. might actually not be that bad. then learning to love themselves by loving the flaws of the other and accepting who they are now. idk man. this is just wholesome thoughts tho dont think for a second i dont have toxic thoughts about them lol

sun/solar/eclipse (are you noticing a pattern yet?) is THE polycule. idc what you say, theyre all kissing each other. fuck you (/silly)

this is for my own au becuzzzz i wont let go of a chance to talk about them :3 we got sunshine(sunvant)/solstice(eclipse) and they are an absolute WRECK. theyre both fucked over by their past and the beginnings of their relationship is so rocky bc sunshine doesnt trust anyone + doesnt understand nor believe he deserves affection (hes also constantly wanting to go back to lord eclipse). meanwhile solstice doesnt even see sunshine as a person and rather as a project to work on (and also an opportunity to maybe better himself. maybe if he can help someone then that means he can be a better person). solar comes in later and while i havent Completely thought about their dynamics i will say that both solar and solstice are very overprotective of sunshine. they both constantly butt heads bc they both want to protect him while sunshine just sits in a corner head in hands trying to figure out how to get them to stop without having his own panic attack (they get better tho dw <3)

anyway uhhhhh i think thats all for now lol

have fun with this info ig

[spikeinthepunch]

the other thing i really wanted to mention about CotC in more detail, esp after watching new episodes, was the times the series tackles abusive family in a way thats heavily implied or straight up shown.

most obvious example of this was the episode "Scoutguest", where Craig allows Jason to come home after he says he lost his keys. What is actually most interesting about this episode is it focuses on how Craig is completely oblivious, and how Jason's home life shows his submissiveness in home environments. The first example was Craig and Bernard fighting about chores, and Jason just goes and does the chores for him, stating he wanted to save them the argument. I'm sure many who can immediately find this familiar- the act of doing something good in order to stop your parents from yelling at you or others in the house. You just want it to stop. But Craig not knowing any better, uses this behavior to his benefit. going through the episode, Craig's mom eventually calls the number shes given (which, we dont actually know was Jason's mom, and i think it probably wasnt- probably another source that knows jason's situation) and learns/understands whats up, and is kind to him as a guest. She doesnt tell Craig anything- he's a child, itd be hard to explain, and it may be invasive to Jason to explain it to Craig. regardless, she encourages Craig to be kind and when Craig hears Jason say somethings on his own he comes to realizing how different things are- and pieces together things. There is a lesson in realizing you should watch how you treat others, not presume about other's lives, and that some times someone seeking help may be doing so in a very discreet/not obvious way.

but (spoilers for newest episodes) i actually found this topic interesting to look at with Xavier. Xavier is a bully, hes mean. We learned that Xavier never had friends because he realized they just liked how he has cool stuff, and because of that, he just bullied people back, and felt that being King got him attention enough to feel good. hes a child, and Craig intervening right now is what he needs- Xavier can change. So onto my thought- The episode where Xavier explaining his story made me uncomfortable. We havent seen much of his family life. Things we do know: his oldest brother Kennith is at college, his oldest sister Cheyenne is in highschool, an unnamed/presumed mother. Unclear about another parent.

I shouldn't assume what i don't know about Xavier (his parent situation, mainly) but its interesting that we see so little of his family outside of his siblings, because the show has been very good at showing us entire family dynamics (we saw parents for characters that hardly show up!). His family is rich, his brother is distant as he is in college, and so Xavier is basically around his sister all the time. Previously I think I just took as her as the moody highschooler who thinks her little bro is annoying. But, in episode 2 of season 5, we get his story (which again, notably, does not show anything of his parents) where he eventually shows how he wanted to get stronger to i guess, beat up Craig. This is where i got uncomfy with the implications- his sister. Cheyenne works out, and the little we saw of her as the former queen did show she was also likely a bully, and i think it may be safe to say she is toxic and abusive towards Xavier as well tbh. Like, the way she start getting physical with him in that episode... getting angry, belittling him, hitting him. It made me anxious to see, feeling what is implied about her character. she does seem 'proud' of him improving but, i think its a situation of control (as she encourages in him too) and passed off like "tough love" when its actually really bad.

Xavier is 12 years old, we cannot and should not hate him like he is unredeemable. He turned into what he is for reasons a child likely would- be it the lack of people wanting to be his friend, or the implication that his older sibling pushed him around and bullied him herself. i did not really expect to see that in these new episodes honestly- it would have been easy to just say its how Xavier didnt make friends, but i think looking harder, you can again see how abuse affects kids, in ways that are very different but both bad.

[milkstoner]

Thoughts on

Malleus x Silver

Malleus x Sebek

Malleus x Lilia

Lilia x Silver

Silver x Sebek

And any Ortho ships? (ESPECIALLY SHROUDCEST)

-☀️

Yyyyeeeees.

Mallesil; the ship to end all ships. Haven’t written for them in a year, but their themes fascinate me. I’m drawn to a dichotomy and grey areas where you wouldn’t expect them. I’ve drifted away from the abusive scenarios and I’d like them to long for each other quietly. It’s endless. It’s eternal. It’s passionate.

Mallesebe; another solid ship. There is no doubt that Sebebe is attracted to Malleus in the text lmfao. Somehow the power imbalance is greater because Sebek, as I interpret him, is putting up a front, i.e. he has a proper identity bubbling just under… but he’s confused about it. he is not there yet. Malle would be a manipulative mf for this ship to work. I also like the idea of Malleus appreciating the physique of a man almost as big as him, v manly…

Lilisil; i dont think about that ship unfortunately. I usually leave Lilia out of ship dynamics for diasomnia. He’s my least favourite of the bunch LOL but i like him still, dgmw. I support the shippers though. I really do get it.

Silsebe; silver is not topping anybody, sorry. Sebesil is a ship i can get behind, though. They’re childhood friends, i mean… they have such a sweet friendship and a familiarity about them. They’ve defo compared dick sizes (sebek clears of course. He will never let silver live it down even though silver dgaf—he wants it inside him). They will so take each other’s virginity. Genuinely, i think sex will be the only instance sebek will feel like he’s besting silver lmfao… and with reason because homeboy will be moaning so beautifully, it would compel you to be proud of your performance.

As for Ortho, i really do only ship him with Idia, kind of (she says, having written an entire fanfic). Such a sickening ship. It’s some Greek tragedy shit. You’re in love with your flesh and blood… you’re in love with your craftsmanship, you carve angels, your muse cannibalizes himself… girl. Only fucking idia could pull this nonsense. And the gag is when ortho gains consciousness, he returns the affection lmao. They deserve each other. They’re both going to hell… and they are already there. You’d have to be crazy to willingly let your ‘brother’ use the built-in fleshlight in your gear and let out fucking fake moans and beg for more when you can’t feel shit. Like, you really REALLY want it. And I am here for it.

Thank you for the ask!