#all those jokes about him technically being over matt. i really want him to fire matt or something. i think ryan can do it.

[exoscreamsoda]

if only i was a fly on the supermegaplex wall

now that a day has passed and they still havent said ANYTHING (except matt’s tone deaf concert tweet), i’m imagining the most insane and chaotic fallout. i hope they rip each other to shreds. theyre literally making the situation worse the longer they wait to say anything but maybe they deserve it. they should go ahead and halt their plans to move into a new and improved supermegaplex because 95% of the patreon is ready to cancel, even patrons who only commented jokes under every post are writing their essays. i feel more disgusted as time goes on and no amount of corporate style tweets will fix this.

[writingsoftheunderworld]

AU - yes! Time Travel -no?

C. 2 here ; C. 1 here; AO3 here. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Bonnie Bennett had begun her day with a slow calming chant of Don’t let him get to you, her thought firmly centred around one Damon Salvatore, a true thorn in her side since he’d first arrived in town not too long ago. She’d woken up slowly, light filtering through her blinds and shrouding the whole room in a husky shade of caramel, the lingering scent of citrus from the candles burnt the night before giving the room an all to homely feeling. She could hear her dad bustling downstairs, most likely getting some coffee for the road. It was fairly early still, but she had free-period the first half of the day and she was skipping the rest - life ending crises a good enough reason even if Mrs Jason still claimed that unless you were actually dead you had to show up for math class. She laid in bed a few more minutes, listening to her dad get dressed and slip out the door. She wondered for not the first time whether it would be better off if she tried to tell him all about this witch vampire mess again, but Grams had wanted him out of it, and he had wanted out of it after her mom left, so for the thousandth time she put it out of her mind. 

She showered, changed and climbed down to get the little mug of coffee her dad always left out for her, dropping more sugar into it than a candy store had on its selves. Elena had once joked that if she didn’t end up making it big she would always work as an oompa-loompa for Willy Wonka for how much sugar she dumped into her coffee each day. Bonnie was still not sure if Elena thought that was just a good joke or if she just hadn’t understood the Chocolate Factory as a child. Caroline just liked to pat her on the shoulder with a wistful look on her face, like she wished she had Bonnie’s devil-may-care attitude about it - which ironically seemed to have not been the case even now as a vampire who ate more than a Quarterback. 

The noise of Jeremy knocking on the door startled her out of her thoughts enough to almost spill the coffee on her shirt. Almost being the key word thankfully, so she dropped the mug into the sink and swung her bag over her head and headed for the garage. They were meant to meet Damon on the edge of the former Salvatore Estate, just off of the main road, by the woods, from where he’d then show her where the former Salem witches had been burned some centuries ago and where the Founders had burned Emily as well. Klaus was a threat hanging over their head constantly at this point. 

On their way Jeremy began telling her about Isobel’s impromptu visit earlier this morning and how poor Aunt Jenna had locked herself in her room following it. Bonnie felt sorry for the woman, she definitely didn’t deserve to be lied to like that, but Bonnie also felt that telling her the whole truth would’ve been equally unfair. The least Alaric could’ve done was say that his wife was missing rather than dead, but that was none of her business at the end of the day. They talked some more as they waited, they’d arrived a bit early after all, and Bonnie realised once again just how different Jeremy now was, and how nice it was to see him so invested in her. She wasn’t sure yet if she actually liked him like that, but she definitely could imagine how sweet and thoughtful he’d be as a boyfriend. And she needed someone frankly. Seeing Elena with her two Salvatore’s bending over backwards to rescue her from any and every inconvenience and now Caroline complaining about having been kissed by both Matt and Tyler made her frustrated. Less so for the fighting over her situation, that sounded exhausting, but rather for the constant work she had to put into herself to even be noticed. Maybe she should move for college, she had a feeling Virginia might be part of the problem here as well, though she did find it hilarious how both Matt and Tyler had initially dated her before either moved on to Elena or Caroline. Then it just made her sad. Was it something about her that pushed them away?

She remembered with sudden clarity asking that to her Grams and the hour long lecture following her words, of how she was a strong woman, how boys wouldn’t be able to handle someone like her until later, how she should still enjoy herself and not be tied down to a boyfriend from middle school onward because then you saw what could happen - exhibit a through z Elena’s many rants about Matt. She’d listened but not believed her Grams. She still wasn’t sure if she believed her Grams but she did know she wanted someone for her own now, hell, she needed someone with all the stress and violence her life had suddenly turned to. And Jeremy was safe, and cute, and had puppy dog eyes for her and vived for her attention. Was part of her thinking she was settling? Maybe. Did she care? Not really. And speaking of not caring, where the hell was Damon at? He was already late by 15 minutes. Don’t let him get to you. Her inner voice chimed again.

“Jere, how about we just head to the Boarding House? Clearly someone is looking to be set on fire.” Jeremy laughed and nodded. He clearly thought Bonnie was joking, but oh boy couldn’t he be more wrong. Bonnie was 1000% setting Damon on fire if he didn’t come up with a good enough excuse. 

_._._._._._._

Rose waited and watched. Jeremy Gilbert was off to the side, looking completely eager and completely in over his head as Bonnie and Damon were arguing about the best course of action following her short introduction into what she knew. And if they thought that was all she could tell them, then obviously they were still underestimating her which frankly was a bit condescending seeing as she was at least 2 years older than the Bonnie currently glaring at Damon. But she’d guessed that would be the reaction she was going to get when she made her choice to be as dramatic as possible. Mom used to say she got it from dad, but seeing the two younger versions of them interacting now she could safely say she got it from both. God knows those eye rolls and ridiculous insults were exaggerated as hell. How did these two people become her slow dancing in the kitchen on a random Thursday evening parents?

“Excuse me?” she tried, weakly, but still she gave it a shot. Jeremy looked over to her then at the still arguing duo then back at her with a look that seemed to say this is just an ordinary Monday for them. “EX-cuse ME!” she tried again, this time much louder but nothing. She sighed. Lost cause.

“If you would’ve let me pick you up like I said initially, you wouldn’t be here wanting to blow my head up now Judgy!”

“If you’d know how to use a phone like a normal person, I wouldn’t have waited needlessly for you for hours Damon!”

“Oh please, it was barely 5 minutes.” he scoffed and Jeremy piped up with a it was fifteen technically that Damon just elected to ignore it seemed. Sometime he did remind Rose of her dad. 

“It doesn’t matter! We’re dealing with Klaus! A 5 seconds text shouldn’t be something I need to tell you to do!” Aaannd sometimes she reminded Rose of her mom. Great, now she had anxiety again. And lord knows her mom won’t just raise her voice to yell at her for ending up here like this Bonnie was doing, no no, her mom would have a level voice that somehow would hurt far more. She needed a distraction. She also needed to figure out what was about to happen around this time. Like she remember her dad mentioning that Alaric had gotten possessed at some point and that he and mom had danced at a school 60s event - which she had to ask who actually came up with that stuff, because while Lizzie definitely loved a nice theme party, she still went with like a hava night, or a rock theme or an Austrian ball or something more generic but more fun, not a decades dance. Digressing though, Rose knew these facts, but she didn’t know anything immediate. She needed more information. More inside information.

“Guys, could you take a break and answer a few questions for me first?” she tried one more time. To no avail. So hard times ask for hard measures or something like that and stubborn younger versions of her parents call for her parents usual solve to stubborn daughter fighting with her friends voice so she did her best to channel her mom’s level tone and her dad’s intimidating presence and for someone not actually related to them she though she did a good job seeing as Bonnie and Damon turned in unison to glare at her before being reminded of where they were and what was going on here. She was actually pretty proud of herself for that feat.

“So as I was trying to say, can you give me run-down of what’s been happening here?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, weren’t you the one who knew everything?” Damon commented snidely and Rose almost high-fived Bonnie when both her and Rose said in unison.

“Oh, you know what sorry means?” Bonnie off to the side.

“Oh, so you agree I was right?” Rose with a grin.

Damon  seemed to take a moment to grit his teeth and bite back his words before shaking his head, giving a smirk and walking right past Rose to pour himself a glass of bourbon and spread out onto the couch in seeming nonchalance. Rose would almost commend his acting here, if he didn’t also irritate her with it. Who knew dad used to be such a child… well, more so than in her universe...time?

“Damon, she didn’t say she knows everything and don’t be a dick. She’s the only one willing to help us here.” Bonnie on the other hand, Rose was beginning to appreciate more and more. Maybe she was more Mom’s pet in the past than Dad’s pet as she was used to.

“Thank you, Bonnie. And no, I don’t know everything I just know a lot, but I still need to have the full picture and all the players to tell which is the best plan of attack here. As I said, you can’t kill Klaus, but you also don’t want him to become a hybrid right? That means we need to take every variable in consideration.” she argued and saw both Bonnie and Damon share a look before seemingly agreeing with her point of view. And boy was the Klaus of her universe going to laugh himself stupid when/if she made it back and told him his lessons in planning schemes - her dad’s turn of phrase not hers of Klaus’ - had been what had helped her most here. Oh irony, you cruel, opportunistic bitch. 

“Bonnie was meant to take on over 100 dead witches’ energy today, it’s why we were waiting for Damon, he knew where they’d died.” came the first important nugget of information from the most - or least? - expected person, Jeremy Gilbert himself. Rose smiled at him in gratitude, glad at least one person was listening. 

“Ok, that’s still going to be useful so maybe you should do that anyway and meanwhile I’ll see what Katherine's hiding?” Rose suggested and she didn’t even need to think before knowing that Damon was going to disagree with her - her dad still made that face whenever she and her friends planned something he thought was too dangerous or risky. Bonnie however seemed more receptive. 

“No way! Do you even know what that bitch is capable of?” as she said, predictable.

“Damon, I think she might be right. You know Katherine is planning something, no way is she helping from the goodness of her heart and she won’t say anything to any of us.” Ah, how she loved her mom’s pragmatism at times - except when she was 14 and wanted a pony, then she much rather preferred her dad’s personal brand of impulsiveness that not only got her the pony she’s wanted since 5 but also made a stable off a little way further from the house.

“And she is still keeping Katherine knocked out.” Jeremy was quickly becoming Rose’s favourite person, no joke. He was full of wonderful insight and 100% helping her barely formed ideas come to fruition. She smiled proudly and nodded to the still unconscious vampire on the floor. She elected to ignore outright looking at the woman for now, too weirded out by the 1 to 1 replica of Elena to feel comfortable with it. Doppelgangers were too much for her. It was like evil clones, her dad had explained when he tried to make her understand how the whole doppelganger thing even worked - something about the universe or some chick named Tessa or another, she hadn’t been paying too close attention by that point. Their lives were very convoluted in her opinion. 

Damon seemed to consider this possibility then, taking another large sip of bourbon and looking directly at Rose as he did so, before slamming the glass onto the end table by the foot of the couch and jumping to his feet. 

“Alright, fine, then Bon-Bon, you me and little Gilbert need to head off. Rosie-Posie, you get the Queen of Hell. Good luck to you, you’re going to need it. The bitch hasn’t told the truth a day in her life.” 

Rose nodded, smiled and waved them off as they all got out and left to do what they’d planned to do. She couldn’t wait for that honestly, it would at least get Bonnie’s magic up closer to the levels Rose knew from her mom. But the Rosie-Posie was going to kill her the longer she stayed here. It was going to make her slip and call Damon dad and it would all implode into itself, because if she was weak to one thing, it was being her dad’s Rosie-Posie and while she was fully aware this wasn’t actually her dad, her heart didn’t care. All was left now was for her mom to brush her hair out of her eyes and she might just snap. She’d missed her parents far before she got herself stranded in a different universe - despite it having been barely a few hours - since she hadn’t been home in at least 2 months. Sure she’d seen them nearly every night, more mom than dad since dad tried to pretend he still was immune to missing his girls, but it wasn’t the same as hearing her dad from a few feet away, well within hug reach or feel her mom’s warm hand through her hair. Fuck, and now she was crying. This day couldn’t be going worse. Her eyes strayed to Katherine and she groaned. Oh, it could definitely get worse. It could get so much worse.

[somekindofroger]

One Year of Love (Chapter 11)

BoRhap! Roger x Reader

previous chapters: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN

Summary: You got Roger with another girl after a very hard situation. After resolving things, Roger finds himself in the same place as you were.

A/N: hmm, so again it’s a little rushed, I guess, I hope it’s good. I LAUGHED SO HARD ON THE COMMENTARIES OF THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER, HAHAHA. Thanks a lot guys, your commentaries are amazing, I try to update fast because I don’t want to let you all waiting, but I’m not sure about the next chapter, it may take a little longer for me to write it, because I want it to be good, not rushed like this one, or the previous one. Anyway, please do give me feedback!!!! Thank you so much for sharing, sending lots of love.

> If you want to keep following the next chapters, let me know so I can add you on the taglist :D send an ask or a note. x

Word: 2.7k

 When you first saw the brunette you stopped talking, trying to process what was happening, then you saw what she was wearing, it was exactly what you wore the last time you were in that place, the same t-shirt and her panties. You looked at Roger and he had that expression “I can explain”, but there wasn’t really anything to be explained. You turned around and left. You left almost letting the building and you heard him running after you, he was still putting a shirt on while running to catch you, you turned around to face him.

“I’m sorry” he started.

“Roger, there isn’t anything to be sorry about. We aren’t dating, remember? You were the one to say that it was a friendship.”

“I know but-”

“It’s ok.”

“It’s not ok” he replied. “I mean, technically it is ok, because we aren’t dating, and I just didn’t think about it, but when I saw your face I just… Everything seemed so wrong.”

“I came here to talk to my friend, Roger. I don’t need another drama in my life, alright?” you were about to turn around to leave, but he held your arm.

“Please, stay. I am here, let’s talk.”

“You’re busy.”

“Wait.” He said, turning around, going back to his apartment. You had this confused look on your face but you didn’t leave, you waited there.

 Roger entered his apartment and saw the girl.

“Is she gone?” she asked, teasing.

“Leave.” Roger said, getting her clothes in the bedroom and throwing them on her, in a way to let her know to dress up and leave already.

“What?”

“I said leave.” It was when he looked at her again and noticed what she was wearing. “Where did you get that t-shirt?”

“It’s yours, isn’t it? I found it in your room, I needed to get dress, I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

“I do mind, take it off and leave.” Roger did sound angry. He left the t-shirt you wore somewhere in his room, he remembered of you every time the saw it during those past days. The girl changed her clothes and was about to leave, it was when, at the door, she looked at him and said.

“If you had a girlfriend, you should have thought better before asking me in.” and she left.

You were still waiting on the hallway for like 5 minutes and you were about to leave when you saw the girl leaving, she gave you a bad look. Did he just kick her out?

“I’m sorry about all that.” He appeared again next to you, the girl had left already.

“You needn’t had to kick her out.”

“I know, but I wanted to, it wouldn’t be right.” You remained in silence. “The t-shirt was in my bedroom, she caught it herself, I wasn’t the one to give her that.”

“I don’t care.” You answered, but you did care, you just felt hurt, even thought that was his way to apologize to you.

“You want to come in?”

“Roger, I will just leave.”

“If you really wanted to leave you would had to while I was kicking her out.” He was right and you couldn’t disagree of that. You sighed and talked to his apartment, he was behind you. You sat on the couch while he was closing the door.

“What happened?” he wanted to know.

“It kinda lost the point now.” You replied, you didn’t feel like talking anymore.

“Does anything have to do with that teacher?” you raised an eyebrow, trying to remember when you told him about it “You told me that when was drunk.” He let you know.

           “Mhm.” You nodded. Roger sighed kinda angry.

           “What did he do this time?”

           “I probably already lost my scholarship by now.”

           “What? Why?” and he sat close to you on the couch, he sounded worried indeed.

           “I did my best on this work and he just gave me this terrible grade – again, which means I will lose the scholarship. And I told him it was a stupid grade and he said he was willing to change it and…” you closed your eyes trying to not let tears out.

           “Did he touch you?” he clenched his fist, you didn’t see it.

           “No. I cursed him and left. But that’s the point, he will probably let the commission know that I cursed him and about my two bad grades, that’s it. It’s over.” Roger hugged you, you weren’t expecting that, you hugged him back and you let the tears out, when he realized you were crying he held you tighter, you were hugging his waist while his arms were around yours, his head was on top of yours, your face buried on his chest. It happened exactly like you wanted to, you crying and Roger there for you, hugging you while you were letting your emotions out. At some point you didn’t even remember anymore why you were crying, you were just letting the bad feelings out, enjoying his support, after a few minutes you were done. You looked at him, he gave you a sad smirk, his heart was broken, he saw you crying and he didn’t expect it to hurt that much. Your face was wet, your nose a bit red, he cleaned a few tears on your cheek with his thumbs.

           “Am I will be a bad friend if you look beautiful post-crying?” you couldn’t avoid but laugh a bit.

           “Asshole.”

           “I mean it!” he also laughed.

           “Thank you.” You let it out.

           “(Y/N), I’m the one thanking you for trusting me.” You hugged him again, you two stayed in this way for a while.

           “You want to sleepover?” he asked.

           “I don’t think it’s a good idea” you answered and remembered what happened a few minutes before and made a funny face, he held up a laugh.

           “I’m really sorry about this whole situation when you arrived.”

           “It’s ok, Rog. We are just friends, aren’t we? I guess I just overreacted, I wasn’t expecting it; it wasn’t one of my best moments… Nonetheless I think that doesn’t matter anymore, I will probably be packing to go back to Bradford soon enough.” He stayed quiet, thinking. “I should be going.”

           “Are you sure? I can make you company.”

           “You did enough, thank you once again.” You hugged him once more and left, finding yourself on your way home.

           You decided to stop at the coffee shop near your place, you really needed something to warm you up, thought about getting a cappuccino. You entered the coffee shop and waited in the line, it was when you saw Matt. You had met him in that same coffee shop, it wasn’t really a surprise that you met him in there again. He saw you and waved at you in a sign to say hello, you smiled at him. You ordered your coffee and walked to the table where he was sitting.

           “Hi” you said “can I sit?” he made a gesture showing that you could sit. “I’m sorry.”

           “What for?” he didn’t sound hurt or anything like that.

           “I was really rude to you the last time we spoke. It was just a really bad day.”

           “Bad timing, huh?”

           “Yeah…”

           “It’s ok.” You felt a bit relieved. “But you own me a date.”

           “Sounds alright” you smiled at him. It did sound alright, Matt was a nice guy and maybe the things going on with Roger and at school made you forget about it, there was no bad on giving him another try.

           He walked you home, the conversation was quite nice actually, and very different from the last date the two of you had.

           “That’s me.” You said in front of your building, letting him know that you had arrived to your place.

           “Good night then, it was nice meeting you, (Y/N).”

           “Night, Matt.” He leaned to kiss you and for a second you almost didn’t let him as a reflex, you thought about it first and controlled the instinct and kissed him back. Still no sparks.

           You entered your building and he left. Once you were home you felt a warm feeling, it was almost like you forgot about how bad the day was. Later that night, while you were preparing yourself to sleep, Deaky called. He asked how you were doing and invited you to go to the studio with the boys in a few days, you said yes.

             You had just arrived at school when one of your friends came talk to you.

           “Have you heard about Mr. Morgan?”

           “No, what happened?” you were really curious to know.

           “He got fired last night, apparently there’s a denunciation that he was sexually harassing his students.” You widen your eyes, how was that possible?

           “Who did the denunciation?” you asked.

           “I don’t know, a rumor says it was a male student from the physics department.”

           “That doesn’t make sense at all.”

           “I know! And we will have to do our works all over again, sounds like his grades weren’t fair also. Gotta go, see ya.”

           All of that sounded very weird, very unbelievable almost, that couldn’t be a coincidence. You walked to the secretariat to ask about your grades and apparently you wouldn’t have to worry about your scholarship, everything was fine. It was when leaving the secretariat you saw him.

           “Hey (Y/N).”

           “Brian, what are you doing here?”

           “Hello to you as well.” He joked.

           “I mean, hi, but-”

           “I came here to finish a favor that I did to both of my friends” he winked.

           “I don’t get it.”

           “Roger told me about your situation. I was studying to finish my doctor degree in here, but I had to quit because of the band, turns out being an ex-student and famous really helps you to have influence over the big guys around.”

           “You were the one who got Mr. Morgan fired?” he nodded yes.

           “Turns out that when the story was out, more girls confirmed it, I didn’t even use your name, your case wasn’t the only one.”

           “Brian May, I don’t even know how to thank you.”

           “Just don’t do anything stupid, alright?” you just smiled, saying thank you once more. You were so glad that you had them in your life, Roger asked and Brian solved your problem.

           When you got home later that day the first thing you did was call Roger, thanking him for what he had done.

           “You own me.” He answered joking.

           “I promise I will return the favor” you said teasing.

             Matt also called you, inviting you to go out on a date, Saturday morning. It was during that same day on afternoon that you would meet Deaky and the boys at the studio.

           You met him at a park, his idea was some short of picnic and you kinda liked it, it was simple and a bit romantic. He was wearing a blue shirt, kinda classy, he looked good. You wearing a dress, but with a jacket, it was a little windy. You two sat on the floor, on a picnic towel, eat bread and drank wine. It was a nice date, he was funny (at least trying to), and still had the same things to talk about, but this time it was a little bit boring, you were enjoying the time. It was when it started to drizzle, you helped him to get the picnic stuff on the grass and the two of you run to a covered place to get safe from getting wet, it was a fun adventure.

           “Well, the paper did say that it could rain later today” he said, it was when you remembered.

           “Bloody hell, what time is it?”

           “Almost 4, why?”

           “I gotta go, Matt, I promised John that I would meet him at the studio.”

           “Which studio?” and you told him the address. “Well, actually it’s close from here, I can walk you there.”

           “It’s raining.” You remembered him. He walked away in the rain and stopped some guy walking with an umbrella. You couldn’t understand what they were talking about and the guy gave him the umbrella, Matt gave him money.

           “You bought that guy’s umbrella?” you said shocked.

           “I made a good offer.”

           “Matt, you didn’t have to.” You felt guilty but kinda flattered. The hugged you so the two of you could walk closer under the umbrella, he knew where the studio was, he let you in front of it, the two of you didn’t walk more than 15 minutes.

           “Thank you, Matt.” You said smiling at him. He leaned to kiss you and you kissed him back.

           “I was wondering if I could see you in my place tonight…” he started. You weren’t expecting that, you knew where he was getting to, maybe that was your third or fourth date? You couldn’t avoid but thinking of Roger, you remembered that girl.

           “Sounds alright.” You agreed with the idea. “What time?”

           “What time will you leave here?”

           “No idea. Maybe around 6?”

           “Meet me at 8.” And he gave you the address. You entered the studio and he left.

           “Finally!” you hear John yelling when he saw you.

           “Jesus woman, you are soaked.” It was the first thing Freddie said when saw you.

           “I won’t even hug you” Brian warned.

           “Sorry guys, I wasn’t expecting rain.”

           “You live far from here, it probably was raining when you left home.” Roger talked.

           “I wasn’t home…”

           “You met up with Mark?” John knew about the date, he was the only one who knew, but he didn’t know about the deal that you and Roger had, probably no one else did.

           “Matt.” You corrected him. You glanced at Roger and he was looking away.

           “How was the date?” Freddie asked interested.

           “It was nice, he asked me for dinner at his place tonight.”

           “Someone is getting shagged” Freddie teased.

           “I thought we were here to play.” Roger interrupted.

           “Someone is jealous.” Brian joked, Roger gave him a mortal look, you pretended to not see the whole thing.

           “I just want to do what I came to do, I could have been doing better things out of here.”

           “Just go on and play. Jesus, what an annoying arse.” Freddie complained. Roger got inside the recording booth and started playing, you were watching him. He couldn’t complain about you meeting with Matt, you didn’t have a relationship, but that seemed to bother him.

           The whole time the guys were chatting with you and making jokes, sometimes there were silly argumentations over small things “slow down the song”, “I can’t slow down.” It was very funny, John was the one who was around you most of the time, Roger barely talked to you, it was like the beginning all over again, he being distant and that.

           It was 6:30 when you looked at the clock.

           “Guys, I gotta go.”

           “No, no, no.” Freddie complained. “I can’t believe you will already be going.”

           “Sorry guys, I don’t want to be late.”

           “He better be a good shag.”

           “Freddie!” you blushed while laughing.

           “See you tomorrow, (Y/N)? Movie night at my place.” John said.

           “Sure thing. Bye guys.”

           “Bye.” They answered almost at the same time. Roger was still the one quiet, you gave him a small glance before leaving but he wasn’t looking at you.

           You got home, took a shower and put some nice clothes on. You decided to choose nice lingerie, maybe something was going to happen. You got nervous on the idea, was that right? Did it feel right? Everything with Matt seemed so random, you didn’t even like him that much. You decided to go anyway.

           You left your apartment, it was almost 8, you were going to call a taxi, you realized it was cold and went back inside to get a coat. You left again and it was about to search for a taxi when a car parked in front of your building, you didn’t recognize it. You kept walking on the sidewalk when you heard someone call your name, it was Roger’s voice. He was behind you, leaving from inside the car, his breathing a bit out of rhythm.

           “Rog? Is everything alright?” you asked him, turning around to the direction of where he was coming from.

           “No.” he said a bit breathless.

           “What happened?”

           “(Y/N), I don’t want to be friends anymore, I can’t stand the idea of you being with another guy.”

           “What?” you were really confused.

           “Be my girl.”

chapter twelve

taglist: @itsanarrum @theinvisible-men @schniiipsel @my-bitter-blue @butterfliesflewaway @taylorroger-s @ma-ntequilla @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @b-r-o-s-k-i @rogerjustroger @allhailthedeakydo @xxcxrolinexx @killerqueenisthebest @theimpossiblehologramtree @rebelrebelyourefaceisamess @manurainbow @gwilymbrian @danamaleksworld

[dreadhaus-literature]

{January Collection} #28

Stoplights

Note: I’m forgoing the weekly themes this week because we’re technically in some weird “5th week” scenario for January, so I’ll start them back over next week and they’ll run the four weeks of February like normal.

How many different ways are there to fall in love at first sight?

Gotham streets aren’t safe at night--some might argue they aren’t safe during the day--but that doesn’t stop it’s millions of residents from crowding sidewalks between well-lit skyscrapers and neon fronted nightclubs. Yet as the hours tick by and the night creeps it’s way through alleys and side streets, the foot traffic slowly starts to wane and the pickings for those with criminal intentions grows thinner and thinner. On one particularly empty street, a very distinctive vehicle makes a drifting left turn and screams its way down the uninterrupted pavement. All matte black with matching blacked out windows and a design straight from a young boy’s fantasy, this vehicle was easily distinguishable amongst even the newest of Gotham’s residents.

The Batmobile.

One would expect the interior of the Batmobile to be just as dark as the exterior and usually, they’d be right. But tonight, there was a dash of purple, a pinch of green, and a kiss of red--that split into a garish grin only for the maniacal laughter of none other than The Joker to fill the interior of Gotham’s most notable vehicle.

“Oh, Batsy, really? You never disappoint.” Joker ran purple gloved fingers over the arc of the Batmobile’s passenger door. “This is everything I thought the Batmobile would be.”

Bruce Wayne, thankfully only known to The Joker as Batman, kept his eyes on the road as he tried to ignore his companion for the evening. The Joker had escaped from Arkham, again, but thankfully Batman had been able to capture him before he’d been able to get up to...well, much. A half-dozen bodies in Joker’s wake was thankfully low in comparison to some of his other, more destructive days.

“I told you before I think an air freshener would brighten up the space in here,” Joker moved his bound hands from the door to the rearview mirror, only to cackle as Batman shoved his hands away. “Oh, don’t be that way Bats! I’m only looking out for your best interests. You’re in here so much...” Joker paused, inhaling deeply with that maniacal grin. “It really does smell like you.”

Bruce couldn’t help but grimace. “I’m normally the only one in here.”

“And here I thought you didn’t want me to feel special.” Joker leaned back in his seat, the stark white of his skin a contrast to the all-black interior. Joker really was the only color in the entire vehicle, from his purple suit and gloves to his green vest and hair, the painted grin on his face a slash of red not unlike the near decapitated victims he’d left on the sidewalk earlier. A simple message of broken bodies all arranged to spell out “Batsy”.

The Joker was nothing if he wasn’t consistently...insanely devoted to making Batman’s life as difficult as possible.

Behind his cowl, Bruce’s eyes widened. This wasn’t the first time he’d noticed Joker’s devotion to the idea of being the yin to Batman’s yang, but maybe it was time to suggest...an alternative? A hobby might be a stretch to suggest to The Joker, and he’d likely argue he already had hobbies--each more horrifying than the last--but as Bruce rounded another corner, weaving in and out of main street traffic with ease, he didn’t know what else to suggest. Something had to be able to penetrate that madness, Bruce believed everyone could be rehabilitated in some capacity. Even The Joker.

“You want to feel special? I’m not the one to give that to you.”

Joker turned, two-toned gaze locking on his unwilling companion. Strands of green hung low over Joker’s forehead as a result of Batman’s rough handling, but Joker didn’t care enough to push his hair back. He was too busy listening to that deep baritone.

“You wouldn’t have to do all this if you found something that actually gave you what you were looking for.”

“And what am I looking for, Bats? If Arkham’s quacking labcoats can’t convince me needlepoints will solve all my problems, not even your ridiculous biceps will beat that into my head.” Joker leered at Batman from the passenger seat, his spine audibly cracking as he leaned forward. “Are you going to try that again? Hmmmm? Tell me to get a hobby like the other drooling simpletons in Arkham? A lot of good that does them, you still pummel the living shit out of them, too.”

“I wouldn’t if you’d stay in Arkham and stick to your rehabilitation.”

At this, The Joker openly threw his head back, his crazed cackling filling the high-tech interior of the Batmobile. “Aren’t you hilarious tonight?! Aren’t you fucking funny tonight, Batsy! Be honest, am I the only one who sees you like this? So full of good ideas and brilliant solutions to all Gotham’s problem children?”

“The Asylum wouldn’t be there if it didn’t help.”

“Push a boulder up a hill and try to beat it down the other side and you’ll wind up one of Nygma’s stupid riddles,” Joker spat, red lips curling to reveal his distaste at the idea...of The Riddler getting to claim Batman for himself. “I prefer you as the butt of all my jokes, Darling.”

“Touching.” Bruce quipped dryly as the Batmobile tore over one of Gotham’s many bridges, the street lights casting yellow over the formidable vehicle.

“Besides, if I find something new to focus my energy on, my time and attention, all my love and devotion...” Joker walked his fingers up Bruce’s arm on the steering wheel. “Where would that leave you?”

It was a mocking question that in no way belied concern, and rather than push Joker’s hand away, Bruce turned to face Joker as he finally slowed to a stop for the first red light of the evening. Joker’s grin was knowing, as if he’d caught Batman between a rock and a hard place, but before Batman could respond and quash that, The Joker did a double-take and completely took his attention off Bruce. Joker’s fingers slowly lowered from Bruce’s arm, his entire posture rigid as he stared out the windshield like a predator scenting new prey.

“Joker.” Bruce’s baritone couldn’t pierce the veil of concentration that had Joke enraptured. “Joker!” Confused and more than a little concerned, Bruce turned his attention to the windshield and knew, in an instant, just who had caught Joker’s eye.

The crosswalk was littered with a few night-time pedestrians, some vagrants pushing shopping carts and others were gang members swapping street corners, but in the center of it all was nothing short of an angel. January chill demanded a coat and boots against the snow and icy wind, but the high-cut of the designer jacket left tantalizing view of legs encased in skintight denim right down to knee-high catwalk boots that glided over snow and ice with the grace of a model. Icy winds whispered through brilliant blonde hair that was cut short, complimenting feminine features designed to be remembered as if sculpted by the hands of a Goddess and when she turned, staring at the distinctive Batmobile as she hesitated on the crosswalk, green eyes seemed to pierce the glass to ensnare not one, but two.

“Well well well, hello you,” Joker all but purred, and though the beautiful woman had no way of seeing them through the tinted windshield he still raised his bound hands to wiggle twitching, desperate fingers at her. “How beautifully breakable she must be...my little glass doll, pretty little toy...”

Bruce hadn’t moved, hadn’t said a word even as ice dropped into his belly at the sound of Joker’s voice and his insane, muttered ramblings--but that wasn’t his only reaction. Something sharp and burning caught up his heart like a fiery fist, squeezing until a jealous rage threatened to rend the Batman’s control until he snapped and split Joker’s head on the dashboard.

Outside the Batmobile, Monica lifted her phone to snap a picture of the vehicle; the stoplight behind her was still red, casting the matte black car in a sinister light--it was a warning to her that something terrible was happening inside the car, but it was something she had no way of knowing.

The Joker was no stranger to obsession, to insane devotion that consumed him like fire, day in and day out. After all, he was self-aware enough to know what sort of relationship he had with Gotham’s Dark Knight. This, however...this was different. Whoever this was outside the Batmobile, this was someone he needed to know. He would know, oh yes, he would. Every fiber of Joker’s being was aware of her, in tune with her, so that when she moved he seemed to respond, mirroring her actions so that when her hand lowered from taking the picture, his lowered into his lap. How would she look, perched upon him? Like a doll, a gorgeous, breakable, fuckable little doll, he just knew it. His strong fingers slowly curled into fists, his tongue running over his teeth as his pulse quickened and his entire world continued to narrow until she was the only thing he saw. They say psychopaths are incapable of love but Joker isn’t afraid to laugh in anyone’s face and he knew what he was feeling; they love, he can love, it just won’t be healthy or sane. It won’t be the sort of love they write children’s books about, because nothing he wanted to do to this stunning creature was suitable for children. He exhaled in a single rush of frustration at the space separating them and in that moment, Joker made the decision that once he got his hands on her, there would never be space between them. He’d even stay in Arkham if Bruce would put her in his cell--as suddenly, his relationship with even the Batman seemed...secondary. The only thing that mattered was the beautiful young woman so close he wanted to taste her.

Bruce was having something of a similar reaction, his heart thudding a warning in his chest that betrayed he knew what Joker was thinking--because he was thinking much the same. Love and obsession go hand in hand, even if the world will fight to convince you healthy love doesn’t stem from an almost violent need to love your partner to death. Bruce didn’t know this young woman, he’d never seen her before, but in that moment he couldn’t remember what it was like to not know her. The world fell away until it was only him and her and his desperate need to protect her from the dangerous man in the passenger seat who had absolutely, undoubtedly noticed her. Bruce had never fallen in love at first sight, he hadn’t even been sure he believed in such a thing but this felt like a punch in the gut so even as the crosswalk timer began to wind down and the beautiful young woman pocketed her phone and turned to walk away, Bruce remained frozen in his seat. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to open the door, to get out, to go talk to her because if he never saw her again he’d never be okay another day in his life. He liked to think himself untouchable, it was how he continued to walk off injuries and heartbreak that would cripple a lesser man but he was on his knees for her and he didn’t even know her name. Is this how it starts? Is this what movies and novels tell stories about? The way nothing else seems as important as the one you love, the one you want, the one you need so badly breathing is difficult the further and further they get away--

“What are you waiting for?! Go!”

Bruce was ripped away from watching her walk away by The Joker’s desperate shout. The light hadn’t changed, but of course that was of no consequence to Joker; he was staring at Bruce with a wild gaze, sitting forward in his seat to gesture toward the same girl they’d both instantly fell for.

“...” Bruce didn’t know what to say; his head was continually replaying the sashay of that sinful walk so that he had to physically shake his head to clear it. “Arkham...is the other way.”

“Arkham?! You think I’m going back to Arkham, now?! Don’t be an idiot,” Joker sneered. “Follow her, Bats. Now.”

It was the first time Bruce actually, openly considered The Joker’s train of thought, and it was likely the first time their thoughts had aligned. Bruce no longer wanted to take Joker to Arkham; no, the jealous vigilante wanted to drown him in the nearest body of water and then go after the beautiful mystery woman.

“You’re the one who said I should find a new focus, a new hobby,” Joker was talking but he wasn’t looking at Batman. He was clutching the dashboard of the Batmobile with bound, gloved hands, his face near pressing against the windshield to watch her walk away. “I found her.”

“No.”

Joker didn’t move his head, but his gaze snapped to Batman, the grin slowly growing like a disease upon his pale features. “You found her too, didn’t you?”

“That’s enough. I’m taking you to Arkham--”

“So you can find her yourself? I know you, Batsy, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. You pretend to be untouchable but I know better. You’d let her walk all over you in those boots,” Joker cackled, “because I would, too. She could trample me to death and I would thank her.”

“Enough.”

“No, no we are just getting started down this road.” Joker flatted his gloves against the windshield as if he could breach the glass and reach her skin. “I’m going to do horrible things to her, Bats. Horrible, wonderful things, until she’s mine. Until she’s so broken I’m the only one she sees but don’t worry, I’ll let you see her if you want, time to time, maybe I’ll send you pictures of her naked beneath me--”

“I said enough!”

The Joker just laughed, his eyes snapping back to his doll as she continued down the sidewalk. “What’s it gonna be, Bats? If you take me back to Arkham, you’ll lose her~”

Bruce’s jaw clenched.

“Or you could follow her home.” Joker’s gaze slowly trailed from the glass to lock with the Batman’s. “And may the best man win her, until death do us part?”

The alternative saying to one door closing and another opening, is once one chapter ends, another must begin. The Batmobile’s signal switched from right to left and the page turned, starting a fairy tale only fit for Gotham City, about an Angel with a Devil and a Bat on her heels.

[wateryourplance]

Spellbound (Lance/Pidge)

(Pidgance Month, Day 10: secrets | secret secret i got a secret)

“Hey, Pidge. Hey, Green.” Lance casually greeted as he entered the Green Lion’s hangar. He sauntered over to the right foot on the lion, where Pidge was sitting. “What’s up?”

“Trying to extend the time of the invisibility shield for Voltron. Matt’s supposed to be helping out, but he wanted to talk to Allura.” She answered, too focused to bother looking at him. 

Lance crossed his arms in a pout. “Your brother needs to learn that he can’t just flirt with Allura like that.”

“But you can?” Pidge scoffed, sounding strangely offended as she finally shot him an irked look.

Lance immediately defended himself. “I don’t do it weirdly!”

“Suuure.” Pidge shook her head, chuckling. She continued tapping away before reaching over to her left shoulder, massaging it as she sighed in irritation. She resumed her work, though she did take pauses to try relieving the shoulder pain.

Lance frowned. He really wanted to help his friend out.

But how? He didn’t know a shit about coding or hacking or whatevers. Maybe calling Matt would help? No, that was a bad idea. Lance would probably get himself distracted and get protective over Allura, and Pidge would hate him for not coming back.

Then he remembered his abuela always asking him for massages.

And he was good at it.

“Hey Pidge?” Lance called with a grin.

Pidge hummed, waiting for him to speak.

“Does your back hurt?”

Pidge looked up at him with wide eyes. “N-no...” she lied. “Why would you say that?”

“Probably ‘cause you’ve been trying to loosen your left shoulder.” 

Pidge opened her mouth to say something, but replaced it with a sigh of defeat. “What’re you trying to prove, Lance?” She muttered.

“I give really good massages--”

“No thanks.” Pidge cut off, her cheeks turning a light pink. Her heart thumped painfully hard against her rib cage. Yeah, that’s right. She was totally passing up this opportunity to get a massage from the guy she had liked since the Garrison days.

Lance narrowed his eyes at her. “Are you doubting my expertise?”

“I don’t like being touched.” She grumbled, resuming her work. “Besides, it doesn’t hurt that much...”

“If you say so.”

And silence once again.

Lance just watched her work while she resisted the urge to massage herself. She knew that would spark concern for Lance yet again, and she didn’t need that.

So she continued in discomfort, her poor shoulder slowing down her typing, but she never stopped. No matter how much it hurt.

Lance noticed this straightaway. “Maybe you should at least take a break?”

“I’m fine.” Pidge pressed, trying to pick up speed. She succeeded, but the ache was almost unbearable at this point. She groaned, giving up. “Fine, you win.”

Lance smirked in triumph. “I knew you were gonna admit defeat. Go on, rest.”

“No, I mean...” Pidge cringed. “Is that massage offer still open?”

Lance bit back a large grin. “Always.” He positioned himself behind her, slowly placing his palms on her back, making sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. She stiffened a little bit, but she stayed silent. “This okay?”

“Yeah. Just not used to this.” Pidge was lucky he didn’t see her red face.

“Okay, I’m gonna start.” Lance told her, getting a nod in return. He slowly began kneading her back. “That is tight.” He whistled.

Pidge nearly choked on air. “Don’t say things like that while you’re working on my back. Please.”

“You don’t say things like that while I’m working on your back.”

“...Lance.”

“You started it!”

The two burst into giggling fits, though Lance’s hands remained on her shoulders. This was nice.

They calmed down, letting Lance to his magic as he increased the pressure. 

And Pidge made a sound.

Alarmed, Lance stopped. “Sorry, did that hurt?”

“No, it wasn’t.” Pidge answered, a little to quietly. “That was...really good.”

Lance couldn’t help but smirk, his ego rising. He repeated the action with the same intensity, though this time, she stayed silent. “Aw come on, Pidge. Make all the sounds you want.” He purred.

“You make it sound so weird-- oh God.” She cut herself off as he found the exact place where it hurt. It felt so good. “There. Right there. Yes. Harder, please.”

Lance chuckled as he obeyed her commands, kneading her back with enough pressure. He didn’t notice how hot his face had gotten listening to her mewls. He was too focused on making her feel good.

Well this story took a dark turn.

“Lance...” she moaned weakly, slightly throwing her head back. “A little harder.”

“Is this okay?”

“No, harder than that.”

“You sure?”

“I can take it, just please.”

“You asked for it.”

And Pidge let out an ecstatic moan. Lance continued doing his magic before she reached behind her, taking his hand in his. “I’m fine...” She breathed. “I’m okay now.” She withdrew her hand, rolling her shoulders. “That was...wow.”

“It was amazing.” Lance announced proudly, fanning himself. “I know, I know.”

“Thank you so much, Lance.” She murmured, not quite sure what to do or say next. “Sorry if I said...weird stuff.”

Lance laughed heartily. “We both said weird stuff, man. It’s fine.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

Pidge cleared her throat and continued working, trying not to make the situation anymore awkward than it already was. She hoped he would just get up and leave, but he didn’t. He just sat there against Green’s paw, humming a random song.

Seriously, why was he still here?

‘Give it some time,’ she thought to herself. ‘He’ll leave soon.’

About fifteen dobashes passed. She finally finished it. Without Matt’s help.

And Lance was still there.

Pidge sighed as she shut her laptop, taking off her glasses. She rubbed her eyes, keeping them shut for a moment.

“Done already?” Lance asked.

She nodded. “Finally.” She put her glasses on, turning to him. “So...why are you here?”

“Dunno. We haven’t been talking much.” Lance shrugged, scooting a little closer. 

“True...” Pidge trailed off. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Lance smiled at her. “Fire away, Pidge.”

“How’d you learn to massage so well?”

Lance rubbed the back of his head. “I guess I was born with it?” He laughed awkwardly. “It was all natural. How ‘bout you? How’d you get so smart?”

“Genes.” She grinned proudly. “My parents and brother were really good teachers too.”

“Aw.” Lance cooed, resting his chin on his palms. “You wanna hear a secret?”

Pidge urged him to continue.

“I’m really good at makeup too.”

Pidge laughed loudly. “Okay, that’s a lie. I refuse to believe that.”

“I can!” Lance justified himself. “My sisters practically forced me to do their makeup. I had to learn.”

“Hm, I guess that is a believable alibi.” She teased. “You also wanna hear a secret?”

“Go.”

“I...like mermaids.”

Lance gasped, clutching his chest dramatically. “I do too!”

“I bet you only do ‘cause you met a mermaid babe.” Pidge quipped, though her tone was joking.

“No, really! I grew up really close to the beach and, y’know, it’s hard to not want to be one.” Lance said as a nostalgic smile played on his lips. “I really like the ocean.”

Pidge shrugged. “I do too. I just don’t like going to beaches.”

“Pidge, how could you?!” Lance cried dramatically. “That’s a sin!”

“We can’t all have perfect tans like you, Lance.” Pidge countered as she rolled her eyes.”

“I guess you’re right. Wanna hear another secret?” Lance’s eyes were practically glowing with excitement. He was giddily shaking in his space like a child waiting for his new toy.

Pidge laughed lightly. “What is it?”

“I had a girlfriend when I was eight.”

“Okay...?” Pidge awkwardly drawled

“And she was like, I dunno, six.”

Pidge let out another laugh. “Dude,” she giggled, “how long did you guys last?”

“Three months.” Lance sputtered. “We only saw each other once a week in the playground until she just stopped going.”

“Pfft, poor you.” Pidge teased. “My first boyfriend was my dad’s computer when I was like four.”

Lance snickered. “That’s Pidge for ya.” He paused for a moment, thinking about another topic. “I’m curious. Did you ever...like someone?”

“I like my family and you guys.” Pidge answered, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“No, I mean like, like like someone.”

“...oh. That.”

Lance put his arms up defensively. “If you’ve never had one, it’s fine. I respect that, dude.”

Pidge awkwardly coughed into her hand. “That’s a strange question, but...I don’t know. No, I guess? I never had time for those things.”

“Oh, right...” Lance muttered. “So no crushes?”

“Never on earth. Well technically, yeah. On earth, but now it’s in space so...yeah.”

Then Pidge’s eyes widened in horror.

Oh shit.

She just slipped.

Lance’s jaw dropped as he stared at her with wide eyes. “Dude.” he whispered. “You like someone here?!”

“I NEVER SAID THAT!”

“You practically did!” Lance cried, pointing at her with a grin. ��Is it Shiro?”

“Dude, what? No!”

“Hunk?”

“No!”

Lance gasped. “Keith?!”

Pidge was close to saying no.

But then she stopped herself.

If she said it wasn’t Keith, she was practically admitting to Lance that she liked him.

And that was the last thing she wanted.

She took a deep breath, nodding slowly. “You caught me.” She tried sounding as embarrassed as possible.

“WHY HIM?!” Lance practically screamed.

“Well, why not him?” Pidge shot back as she crossed her arms. This was so embarrassing. “I mean, he’s a cool guy.”

“No he’s not!” Lance groused immaturely. “Pidge, I thought you were better than this!”

“Oh believe me, I thought so too.” Pidge muttered under her breath, speaking truthfully this time about her actual ‘crush’.

Lance nodded in agreement. “You could at least like me! Like what the hell? Keith? Seriously?”

“If I did like you I’d just end up getting rejected anyways.” Pidge frowned as she waved her hand dismissively. 

“You don’t know that.” Lance returned.

Then he immediately changed the subject.

Lance and Pidge didn’t expect it.

They didn’t expect any of it.

They didn’t expect one secret-sharing bonding sesh to have a second part. Or a third part. Or two regularly visit each other every night.

Sometimes they’d talk for hours, sometimes they’d exchange at most three sentences - it didn’t matter. They both valued their time together.

They were a little awkward at first, but eventually they let loose and talked about more private things. They never forced each other to talk about personal secrets; opening up was just natural to them.

Hearing all these crazy and hilarious encounters from Lance was honestly endearing for Pidge. She got to know and understand him on a deeper level, and that just made her love him even more. She saw him in a different light, and she loved it.

She had fallen hard for Lance. Gone was that innocent crush. She had fallen.

If only she knew how hard Lance had fallen for her too.

Lance never thought he’d actually like her that way. But he did, and he grew fonder and fonder each day and night he’d spend with her. He always found her to be interesting and adorable, but that was just the surface he had scratched. Pidge was more than just interesting. She was spellbinding. Listening to her quirks and rants just captivated Lance. 

And he was going to tell her.

He didn’t even care if she ‘liked’ Keith.

He just wanted to let her know that she was the most extraordinary girl he had ever met. And he met aliens.

“Hey Pidge?” Lance called as they had calmed down after laughing hysterically at Pidge’s spaghetti innocent. “I have a new secret.”

“Yeah?” Pidge asked, trying to compress her grin.

Lance cleared his throat. “I, uh, don’t like Allura anymore.”

Pidge gaped at him with an expression unfamiliar to him. “Really?”

“Yeah...” Lance said. “I like someone knew now.”

“Who’s the unlucky person?”

Lance winced. “She really is unlucky.”

“Wait, I’m so sorry, it was a joke--”

“No, it’s a fact.” He smiled sadly at her. “She’s really pretty and has the cutest smile. Her eyes are the prettiest shade of brown I’ve ever seen too, and she has funky hair. But that’s okay, it just makes her cuter. But what I love most about her...” he sucked in a deep breath, “is how she’s so smart I feel like a T-rex around her. She’s absolutely obsessed with technology her eyes basically form their own stars whenever she sees really nice pieces of tech. She’s so brave and confident and...so out of my league.”

Lance maintained eye contact with her throughout the whole thing.

“I don’t even know her real name.” He added.

Pidge could only stare at him.

“Sorry,” Lance muttered. “That was dumb.”

“...wanna hear a secret too?” Pidge asked, completely disregarding his revelation.

Lance wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be happy or sad about her ignoring his short speech. “Sure, Pidge.”

“I lied.” She said curtly.

Lance was confused. “About what?”

“I lied that I liked Keith.” Pidge admitted, a ghost of a smile on her face. “I just didn’t want you to know that I liked you.”

“Oh...wait, what?” Lance gaped at her. “Pinch me, please!”

Pidge smiled. “I think I have a better solution.”

“Which is-- MMF!” Pidge pulled Lance by the collar, crashing their lips together.

This wasn’t a dream.

[criminalnourished]

Midnight Shenanigans

~ A Shayne Topp Imagine/Fluff ~

A/N: Look, I don’t write, I was going to make a short parody, but it kept getting longer and longer and I actually kinda liked how it turned out, so I thought I’d share it. It’s super long, so if you get through it, I applaud you!

Warnings: Fluff. Like, a lot of it. (also, alcohol? like, having a drink)

Words: way too many, I like my epithets.

Enjoy!

Winter Games.

The event of the season.

And it was going to be extra special this year. Why? Because you get to go!

As one of the newly established head writers and producer, you would be reffing this year’s Games, along with Sunny, Joe and Matt and you were hardly able to contain your excitement.

The venue was the same as the previous years’ one – Big Bear.

The evening before, you were starting the slow process of packing when it hit you.

You were a part of the Smosh family and have even been in the background of a few videos, though you were more of a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of person, so this was going to be a big step.  This would’ve been your first on-screen appearance that included talking. Oh geez. Your stomach churned. Oh holy geez. Mostly unscripted. Unscripted. I literally work with scripts, how in God’s name am I going to pull this off?, you thought to yourself.

Thankfully, you were taken out of your trance with a noise. That familiar iPhone ringtone we all know and never change. Standing up, crossing a mountain of bags, you reached for your phone and looked at the caller ID. Shayne. You smiled briefly before picking up. That guy always knew how to make you smile.

‘Hello?’ you said, going back to the suitcase. However, being the clumsy potato that you were, you caught your leg on a plastic bag, managing to lose your balance and fall directly on your bum, with a noisy *thud*.  A loud laugh escaped the phone.

‘I get that it’s part of your “brand” to just barely be capable of walking, but please try not to die, we prefer our writers alive’ Shayne joked.

‘Ha-ha’ you said sarcastically, picking yourself up from the floor. ‘Thanks, I appreciate it. Now that you’ve told me, I am sure to stop tripping and falling over’ you joked back.

‘Perfect! Don’t say that I never did anything for you!’

‘I shall remember this piece of advice till the day I die, which will inevitably be by slipping on a banana peel or tripping over my own two feet while carrying coffee.’ He laughed.

You started organizing your clothes into neat piles on your bed.

‘And your tombstone will say “Here lies our beloved (Y/N), who forgot to follow the Great Shayne’s advice.”’ You giggled, folding a shirt into your suitcase.

‘So anyways, what are you up to?’ he asked.

‘I just started packing’ you replied.

‘Oooh, right on time! It’s only…’ he stopped, presumably looking for the exact time. ’11:43pm!’

‘Hey, I only need about an hour, I have plenty of time. Have you already packed?’

‘Yup! All done, ready to go!’

You scoffed. ‘You must’ve forgotten something.’

‘I pretty sure I haven’t. Triple-checked.’

Another scoff from you.

‘And hey, if you “only need an hour”’ he mocked, ‘that’s great, you have enough time to get food with me!’

‘Oh, Shayne, it’s almost midnight, I don’t know, and-‘ you trailed off.

‘And?���

‘And… I don’t know, we need to be up in 5 to 6 hours?’

‘That’s a terrible excuse. You’re living on your own, you make your own rules and then break them, because rules are meant to be broken, dammit!’ he said, overly enthusiastic.

You kept folding clothes into your suitcase, silently. You wanted to go, really, it seemed so fun and like the epitome of ‘living’, from what you’ve seen in those typical young adult movies. Fun, you thought, not a good enough argument. All of a sudden, your stomach grumbled. Now that’s a good argument.

‘And also, I’m kinda maybe possibly in front of your building…’ Shayne added.

You dropped the dress you were neatly trying to fold.

‘You’re what?’

‘An evolved monkey’, he said, a hint of pride in his voice.

‘No, gah! Why are you-? How did you-?’ You tried to formulate a question but failed miserably. ‘Wait, let me buzz you in.’

‘No, no, I’ve got a better idea – you come with me. I’m already here and you already said that an hour is plenty of time for packing. Plus, I can help you with that later. So…. whaddaya say?’

You approached the window looking towards the building entrance, in disbelief, but sure enough, there he was, one hand in his pocket, pacing.

‘Alright’, you sighed, ‘give me three minutes to get down there.’

‘If you don’t make it, food’s on you. And your time… starts… now! Three minutes, go!’

You threw on the first shirt you saw – a baggy gray tee with the NASA logo on it, which was way too big, pairing it with boyfriend jeans.

Forty-five seconds to go.

You grabbed your little leather backpack, along with your phone, keys and wallet, stuffing them inside violently.

Twenty-seven seconds left.

You slammed the door, locking it quickly and sprinted down the stairs, skipping over multiple steps and almost dying thrice.

As you opened the big entrance gate to the building, you heard a beep. Shayne’s phone went off, signaling your three minutes had been over.

When you looked ahead, Shayne was peering back, a Cheshire cat-sized smile was plastered across his face.

‘No!’ you yelled, while bending over, resting your hands on your knees, trying to catch a breath. ‘Nonononono, I made it, I- I… I got out of the building!’

‘Nope! Doesn’t count! Looks like I’ll be enjoying some… whatever our food of choice turns out to be.’ Shayne said smugly, putting his hands behind his head.

When you finally got your air back, you stepped towards him, holding your side. You were really out of shape.

‘But I did it, the deal was to get down here in 3 minutes!’

You approached him, slouching. He threw an arm around you, as a way of greeting you and, well, because you looked like you were barely standing. This will have proven true merely moments later, when you shifted all of your weight off of your feet, forehead pressed against his clavicle.

‘Ah, yes, but you did not stop the alarm! That’s the unspoken rule of race-bets, always stop the clock!’ he said in a matter-of-fact tone, while patting the back of your head.

‘Fiiiine’, you let out a slow sigh, still in the same place. Maybe you were exhausted after a long day at work, maybe this three-minute workout from hell got to you or maybe this scenario felt pleasant, but you didn’t move. And neither did he. You just stood there, for a good while, taking it all in. You didn’t remember how long, but at some point he stopped patting your head and just rested his chin on the top, his arms around you. It was… nice. Man, male colognes are the best, you thought to yourself.

However, this suddenly made you feel extremely aware of the close proximity in which you were, making your cheeks a few dozen shades more red. You shifted a bit and Shayne, understanding the signal, let you go, scratching his head. You couldn’t help but think you’d seen a bit of red tint in his cheeks, only for a mere second, however, as it faded away quite quickly.

‘Um… so, since midnight snackage’s on you, it’s only fair that you get to pick the place.’

‘Hmmm… the closest ‘eat-now-regret-later’ place is McDonald’s. Does that work?’

‘Ughhh, fine’, he fake-complained, ‘No, yeah, sure! That’s a few streets down, though, might be a bit of a walk’ said Shayne.

‘Or we could take my car?’

‘Nooo, come on, look at this weather’ he said whinny, pointed to the sky. It was rather beautiful. The sky was completely clear, there were a few stars visible. The air was way too warm, considering it was technically winter, a light breeze was blowing. ‘It’d be a shame if we didn’t take advantage of this, doncha think? And if you get tired… I don’t know, I’ll just carry you or something, we’ll figure it out!’

‘Why don’t we go to the drive-through, get our food, drive up to the hills and eat there?  We can go for a walk and have a vehicle at our disposal, if we happen to need it! Boom, compromise!’

‘Deal!’ said Shayne, giggling slightly. You stepped towards your Mini Cooper.

‘I mean, hey, I know you’re in shape, but I feel like I could collapse any moment now’ you informed him. He chuckled, already seated in the passenger seat, seat belt on.

‘Ho, boy! Food – here we come!’

About 7 minutes later, you entered a McDonald’s drive-through, ordered way too much food, and soon enough, you were on your way for the hills.

‘Yo, drive-throughs’, said Shayne, with a mouthful of fries, ‘might be the best thing we ever came up with. No human interaction, you don’t even need to leave your car!’

‘Definitely. I’d say it’s up there with fire and the computer’ you replied.

You talked the whole ride, finding yourselves in sporadic fits of laughter. After 10ish minutes of traffic-free driving, you were there. Shayne insisted he should carry all the food, you knew that any attempt at arguing would be in vain. A short walk later, a small bench graced you with its presence and you decided to occupy it, the food bags taking most of the space.

‘Woah’, you exclaimed, trying to squeeze the BigMac™ into your mouth, ‘in the two years that I’ve lived in LA, I’ve never been here at night. It’s so peaceful and beautiful.’

‘Right? And the best part?’ he said inquisitively, looking at you, ‘The view!’ He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, with a rather constipated facial expression, barely holding in the giggles. You laughed and shook your head.

You sat there for moments? Minutes? Hours? Who knows how long, talking about… nothing yet everything, really, while eating you food as slowly as possible, and almost choking a couple of times due to excessive laughter. When you finished your meal, you felt 500lbs heavier and completely incapable of moving. Shayne removed the scrunched up wrappers and scooted a bit closer. You held your stomach and let out a long grunt, reminiscent of vocal fry.

‘I think… I think I’m just gonna stay here… live my life on this bench, y’know, become an urban myth’ you said, curling up into fetal position.

‘”The girl on bench” ’ he said, in an overly dramatic tone, patting your back, ‘some say you can still hear a faint rumble of her stomach trying to digest the ton of food she consumed on that faithful night.’ You giggled.

‘Why, oh why, cruel world must it taste so good but hurt so badly?!’ he yelled to the sky, his voice shaky.

‘Shayne! It’s midnight, keep it down’ you tried to stop laughing and act serious, but failed.

‘Whyyyy?!’ he cried, falling onto his knees in front of the bench. Your stomach started aching, this time from laughter. You stood up and approached him, with the intention of helping him get up, extending your arm, however, when he grabbed it, you wobbled in the air and ended up landing on top of him.

Good job, wow, you’ve really outdone yourself this time! you thought, while hoping for the ground to swallow you.

‘Oh my gosh’, you said, completely flustered, not looking at him. You turned your head to glance at him, noticing that his face was way closer than you initially calculated. ‘I- I- I am so sorry, that was so… Oh gosh, I’m sorry, are you okay?’ you rushed to get up. Shayne just looked at you, laughing, with an amused look on his face. He was going to make a joke, but upon seeing how utterly distressed you looked, he decided against it.

‘Of course I am, I’m great, couldn’t be better’ he stood up, holding his side, ‘minus the fractured rib you might’ve caused me, but hey, I’ll live!’

‘Hey, no, don’t’ worry, really, it’s all good!’ said Shayne, putting a hand on your scapula. A short period of silence followed. ‘Hey, wanna go pack?’

‘Oh, sure, but I can do it, really, I’d hate to keep you up, but thanks for-‘

‘Nooo, you’re not keeping me up’ he exclaimed, ‘I dragged you out, so I need to redeem myself!’

You sighed.

‘Okay, fine. But my apartment ‘s a mess, don’t say I didn’t warn you!’

Your face was still a bright shade of red, the embarrassment unbearable. You hugged yourself, as if you were cold, and kept murmuring many I’m sorry-s along the way to the car.

During the ride, the constantly opened window helped you calm down and your skin tone to go back to normal.

Much to your surprise, the mess you had left at your place before was still there. :(

‘Woah, was there a nuclear explosion here?’ Shayne asked, evidently trying to push your buttons.

‘Actually, yes, that’s very insensitive of you. How dare you bring that up?’ you played along, while taking two clean glasses from the cupboard. ‘Want some gin?’

‘Woah, hey, heyhey, I don’t know if… I..’ Shayne stuttered, evidently taken aback by this suggestion. ‘I had no idea you drank.’

‘Well… I’m full of surprises’ you said, with an over exaggerated wink. The corner of Shayne’s mouth twitched. ‘And besides, I just do it occasionally.’ He nodded. ‘So, do you want some?’

‘I… uh… sure!’ he replied, still a bit confounded.

You poured the liquid into the glasses and added two ice cubes. Taking both glasses, you approached Shayne, who was looking at the clothes you already packed and handed him the glass.

‘Y’know, I’m pretty sure you don’t really need a cocktail dress… and I’d say that’s more than enough T-Shirts for a week and a half’ he stated, taking the glass from your hand.

‘Yes I do! T-Shirts are comfortable and great for layering and that’s how you combat the cold, you layer and-‘

‘But you don’t layer T-Shirts on top of T-Shits!’

‘But- yeah, you’re right, I mostly sleep in T-Shirts’, Shayne turned his head towards you, ‘What? They’re comfy so I bring extra, in case some get dirty or sweaty, y’know.’ You took a swig of your drink, almost downing it all at once, stumbling a bit.

‘Woah, easy there, you don’t want to be hung-over for the trip’, said Shayne, steadying you.

‘Nah, don’t worry about it, it’s just gin…’

‘Okay, well, you need to pack!’

‘You said you’d help!’

‘I will! You need a supervisor, to maximize efficiency.’

‘So you’ll just sit and tell me what to do?’

‘No, don’t be silly… I might stand up eventually’, replied Shayne, evidently proud of his comeback, which earned him a disapproving headshake.

‘Oh really?’ you said, grabbing your bras and underwear from a drawer.

It was Shayne’s turn to change into a tomato, clearing his throat, trying to look anywhere else, scratching the back of his neck and basically doing every other tick in the book signaling he was uncomfortable.

You grinned mischievously, realizing what you’d done and quickly put it all away into the suitcase.

‘You can look now’, you said.

‘Oh, hah, psh, no, I- I wasn’t, I-‘ he tried to come across as calm, cool and collected, but ended up looking even more awkward. You awed and kept packing, moving on to sweaters.

You kept packing and at some point, the gin started kicking in, making you extremely sleepy. Surely enough, the process took more than an hour, even with Shayne’s eventual help. You collapsed onto your bed, headfirst, and he lied next to you, on his back.

‘This was exhausting’, you exclaimed.

‘Nah, I’d say it was fun!’ he replied. You rolled over so that you were also lying on your back.

‘Thanks for helping, I would’ve probably fallen asleep had you not been here’, you said, turning your head to look at him.

‘See?’ he beamed, ‘I told you!’ he chuckled.

This was the first time you got to look at him so closely – the laugh lines and those baby blues, the slight beard he was trying to cultivate, his radiant smile… You caught yourself staring and only then did you realize how close you actually were, which in turn made you blush profusely. He kept smiling, but his gaze trailed down your face and focusing on your lips, for a split second only. You batted your eyelashes, not knowing what to do. Sh-Should I do anything? you thought. This will just make things awkward, probably. Oh goodness I messed up again, what am I supposed to do, I-

At this point you could feel his breath on your nose. He moved his hand to brush off some of your hair. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife, which made you panic even more. I gotta move, you thought, this will be way too weird in the long run, I should probably just cough or something or-

And then it happened. He moved just slightly towards you, closing the tiny gap that remained between the two of you. Your mind, while racing up until that point, was completely blank – no worry, no panic, just bliss. The kiss was shorter than you would’ve hoped for, yet still sweet, making you smile like a mad man, which in turn made his lips curve into a grin, as well.

Shayne was gently caressing your cheek. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by you initiating another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate than expected. He put one hand on the back of your neck and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer, while you held onto his shirt and neck. A few minutes later, you broke apart, neither of you able to stop smiling. You laid there for a few minutes, intertwined, without saying a word.

After some time, you tried to move, but Shayne’s embrace wouldn’t let you.

‘Shayne’, you called out. No response.

You looked up and saw him pretending to be asleep.

‘Shayne’, you repeated. No response. You tried wiggling out of his grip, but couldn’t. He started laughing, eyes still firmly shut.

You placed a kiss on his clavicle, which instantly made him open his eyes and look at you.

‘Wanna watch a movie?’ you asked.

‘Depends on what you got’, Shayne said, seemingly loosening his grip.

‘I’ve got whatever you want’, you beamed. ‘Well, I don’t, but the torrents do!’

‘”Space Jam” it is, woo!’ he exclaimed, throwing his arm in the air. You laughed and mimicked his ‘woo’.

‘Okay, I’ll go set it up, you refill our glasses and get the popcorn ready, there’s some in the cabinet.’

A few minutes later, everything was in order and you were huddled up on the sofa. The movie started playing and you immediately started commentating out loud, laughing. Neither of you said anything about what had happened, which was bound to backfire, but at the moment it seemed fine.

The file you had illegally downloaded was buffering quite a bit and you were really tired… I’ll close my eyes just for a few seconds, you thought.

And lo and behold, you fell asleep. As soon as he noticed, Shayne spent a few moments looking at you, wondering whether he should carry you to your bed or leave you be. He ended up choosing the latter, as your bed still contained the residue of a nuclear explosion that took place earlier. He tried to move, in search of a blanket, however, you fell asleep on him and he just didn’t have the heat to move you. Instead, he threw an arm around you and you got even comfier. Shayne lost track of time – for a certain period, he was just observing your serene expression, but he ended up falling asleep next to you.

Feedback is highly appreciated, hit up my inbox or leave a comment or sth, thanks. :3

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Batman” (1989)

Decided to rewatch this classic before I watch the new Justice League movie that’s out this week

I, for one, am so glad Danny Elfman brought the Batman theme back into “Justice League”

*jams out to the Batman theme*

JACK NICHOLSON

Billy Dee Williams!  And he’s only in it for like 5 minutes

Jack Palance! 

Oh my gosh, I forgot Prince did music for this movie

Aaaand it’s the Batman symbol!

Matte painting!  Matte paintings everywhere!

Why do they always portray Gotham as freaking packed?  I know it’s supposed to be a bustling metropolis but this is too much.

Why yes, random family, let’s take a shortcut through a shady ass alleyway.

What the...

Batman, brought to you by American Express

*Batman floats down behind the robbers*  Eeeyyyy!!

*Batman gets shot*  Welp, he’s dead.  End of movie.  Cue end credits music.

Gotta take your sweet ass time revealing your cape...

He raises his arms so high in the air in order to do it.

“I want you to tell all your friends about me.”  “What are you?!?!?”  I’M BATMAN! DAAAA NA NA NAAAA NAAAAA

Lando?!?

Mayor Borg?!?!?

“People of Gotham City, I [Harvey Dent] am a man of few words.”  Nah, he’s a double-crossing, no-good swindler.

All righty, unpopular opinion time:  I don’t like Jack Nicholson as the Joker.  I just don’t.  He’s just... Jack Nicholson in clown paint.  Plus they establish him as a character before he becomes the Joker.

Oh, and of course, they name the Jack Nicholson character “Jack”

So who’s the Lieutenant character again?

Heelllooo shady lookin’- oh it’s Jack Nicholson.

Bob the Goon!

Matte painting!

This movie should be subtitled “Matte Paintings:  The Movie”

Oh my God, Lando, what did they do to your hair?

Eeeeyyy!!  Bob Kane!

“Vale, will you marry me [Knox]?”  “Nope?”  “Wanna buy me lunch?”  “Maybe.”  “I eat light!”  Pffftt....

Story time:  the Quidditch coach/captain of the team here at college (who is notorious for being a flirt) asked me to buy him supper one time before practice.  I knew it was a joke but I told him “Nah, you gotta earn it” and I was applauded by the team

Obligatory purple Joker suit!

Obligatory Joker card!

Why is it such a big deal that Jack Nicholson is involved with that one particular moll?

You gotta hammer it in that Jack Nicholson’s gonna become the Joker

Why is there a casino set up in Wayne Manor?

Michael Gough!

Why is Vicki Vale dressed like she’s getting ready to be married?

I like that we don’t actually meet Bruce until like 20 minutes into the movie.  Plus they establish him as a mystery character- technically the main characters at the beginning of the movie is Knox and Vicki and then it shifts to Batman.  And then again, we don’t get a lot of background on either Batman or Bruce.

I never really had time to appreciate how great Michael Keaton is as Bruce Wayne but dang he’s good.  And I love the reasoning behind this casting:  there’s no way he could be seen as Batman and when we do find out, it’s a big shock.

Holy crap, how many cameras are set up around the manor?

Oh my gosh, Bruce has reading glasses!

Sound stage!

FreEEEZZZEE!!!

AN:  I’m only 25 minutes into this movie.  We gots a bit to go because I’m such a motormouth

Boom goes the dynamite!

Yes, let’s have a police shootout in a chemical factory!  Great plan, guys!

Man, Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon would be on the ball when it came to this situation.  Pat Hingle’s Commissioner Gordon just stands around and gives orders

Um, officers, you’re walking into a puddle of toxic chemicals...

In all seriousness though, I want Jack Nicholson’s hat

Never have I seen a smirkier Batman than Michael Keaton’s Batman

Well there’s also Kevin Conroy’s Batman

*Jack Nicholson falls into the chemical vat*  Welp, he’s dead.  End of movie.  Cue end credits music.

AXIS

Why were Jack Nicholson’s fingernails dyed green from the chemicals?  I know it’s comic book logic but still...

This scene in the dining hall is my dad’s favorite scene in the movie.

That is an impossibly long dining table.

Aaww, they’re having dinner with Alfred in the butlers’ quarters!

“Alfred’s great.  I [Bruce] couldn’t find my socks without him.”  Cue in Batman:  The Animated Series, Joker literally cannot find his socks because Harley’s not there.

That is no way to take bandages off properly, Jack...

Mirror... MIRROR!!

“You see what I have to work with here.”  Yeah, those are some shitty surgical tools there, buddy.

Oh, throw that shoe, Bruce

“Who the hell are you?”  “It’s me [the Joker].”  *sings* IT’S MEEEEEE

“Jack?  Jack is dead, my friend.  You can call me.. Joker!  And as you can see, I’m a lot happier!”

This freaking circus music though

*Bruce and Vicki cuddle while sleeping*  Cue Bruce going “Aw man, I can’t enjoy spending time with this awesome lady because I gotta brood, man.”

WHY IS HE UPSIDE DOWN?!?!?

WAIT ‘TIL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME!

Why the hell is Jack Nicholson dressed like that?

What kind of hand buzzer is that?!?

HAVEN’T YOU HEARD THE HEALING POWER OF LAUGHTER?  NOW GET OUTTA HERE!

YOUUU... ARE MY NUMBER ONEEEE... GUUUYYYYYY!!

How does Bruce Wayne AKA Batman not notice Vicki trailing him from his house to Crime Alley?

Random mime... more random mimes...

Why is Bruce just standing there?  Ooohhhh... wait a minute.. there’s this whole schindig about him recognizing Jack later in the movie

There is literally no reason why Jack Nicholson becomes the Joker since he’s already been established as Jack Napier before the whole ACE Chemicals thing. 

THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA!

Alfred just wants some grandkids, gosh dang it

How the hell did you get those pics, Vicki?

Oh my God, I hate that this Joker has this weird crush on Vicki.  I hate it so much.

“I’m in a mind to make some mooky.” Ugghh...

Oh my gosh, the Smylex commercial

Oh my gosh, the newspeople aren’t wearing any care products... pfftt...

What kind of cake foundation does Joker have?  That’s like the stuff we had to wear in high school

That waiter just addressed Vicki as “sir”

Did Joker write that message in crayon?

That elderly couple is dead after falling off the balcony like that

LET’S BROADEN OUR MINDS!

*jams the crap out to “Party Man” by Prince*

*One goon paints over a bust*  Hey look, it’s the Jared Leto Joker

What the crap is this music that plays?  It plays during one of the trailers for “The Shape of Water”

Oh wait, it’s the theme from something called “A Summer Place”

I quote the “one dollar bill” quote all the freaking time at my house.

The prosthetic work on Alicia looks pretty sweet, I gotta say

Oh, a little song.. a little dance... Batman’s head on a lance...

Oh my gosh, I forgot how much Kim Basinger screamed in this movie

They even color coded the cars for Joker’s goons

*The police get involved in an accident involving a farmer’s market truck*  NO, NOT THE CABBAGES!

There is no way in hell that Vicki only weighs like 108

Remember when the Batsuit was made out of rubber, you guys?

*Crazy, sword-wielding guy goes after Batman*  Seriously?  Did you not see “Raiders of the Lost Ark?”

For the Batmobile, it looks like they made the toy first before constructing it for the movie

Gotta love that Danny Elfman score...

*Vicki tries to see under Batman’s cowl*  Yo, Vicki, don’t distract Batman while he’s driving

The Batcave!

Why is there just this one random bat hanging out in a bird cage?

Forgot that Michael Keaton literally could not turn his head in the Batsuit

Oh my gosh, how short is Michael Keaton here?

Oooohhh nice transition!

How the hell did Vicki end up back there?

Gotta admit, that’s a nice apartment

“You see, my life is really...”  Batsy!

JUST TELL HER YOU’RE [Vicki] BATMAN!

I like how Bruce walks right by the fire poker in order to get a freaking tray to hit Joker with

YOU WANNA GET NUTS?!?  C’MON, LET’S GET NUTS!

EVER DANCE WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT?

“Never rub another man’s rhubarb.”  What?

There is no way in hell that Bruce deflected that bullet with the tray

Matte painting!

“Can you hear me?  Just the two of us.”  *sings “Just the Two of Us” by Will Smith*

Gotta admit, Michael Keaton’s Batman has an awesome thinking/pensive face.  It’s probably the eyebrows that help

What is it with families being targeted by random gun-wielding criminals in abandoned alleyways?

There’s no way that that’s Jack Nicholson playing young Jack Napier

Nevermind, it’s some dude named Hugo Blick

*scats the Batman theme obnoxiously out of tune*

Batman’s belt just slipped.  Never gonna un-see that

Why is it that every time this Batman is in the Batsuit and glaring at somebody, he looks like he’s really constipated?

Seriously, is there not a bathroom in the Batcave?

Is this another Prince song?

So where exactly did Joker find the time to find all of this stuff and prepare for an impromptu 200th anniversary parade?

The Batplane!

Matte painting!

“Me?  I’m giving away free money!”  And it looks faaaaakkkeee...

Something is up with that clown balloon’s nose... just saying...

Yeah, lets go after the Joker’s goons with a baseball bat, Knox.  That’ll go well.

I love the sounds all the buttons make on the Batplane dashboard

“My balloons.  Those are my balloons!  He stole my balloons!”  Iconic.

Hahaha he [Joker] used Bob the Goon as a step stool off the parade float!

*The Batplane pauses in front of the moon*  Eeeeyyy!!

*Joker pulls out the gun with the really long muzzle out of the front of his pants*  No comment

Again, why is Vicki Vale dressed like she’s either getting ready to get married or go to a wedding?

“Better make it ten [minutes].”  What makes this awesome is that ten minutes actually goes by both in-universe time and movie run time.  My dad actually timed it the first time I watched this with him.

Mad respect to Tim Burton for the aesthetic in this movie, I gotta say

The eyebrows on Batman’s cowl strangely match Michael Keaton’s.  Was this intentional?

*Joker “dances” with Vicki* Now see the last time I recall Joker dancing with somebody was the 5 second long Alex Ross scene with Harley Quinn in “Suicide Squad”

Unpopular opinion time:  I like Jared Leto’s Joker better than Jack Nicholson’s Joker  *gets bombarded with hate mail and darts*

Eugghhhh Vicki’s pulling a freaking Jasmine from “Aladdin”

“You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses now, would ya?”  Cue Wreck-It-Ralph

How the hell did Joker pull Batman and Vicki off the roof like that?

Oh my gosh that 80s falling effect

Yeah no, from that drop, the Joker’s body would be a freaking mess

“The reign of crime [in Gotham City] is over.”  BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh hi Billy Dee Williams!

You know what would be awesome:  if Kim Basinger had a cameo somewhere in the Batman solo movie directed by Ben Affleck.  Just saying

Yoooo....

[stefansalfatore]

Listen to my heartbeats (4/?!)

Pairing: Stefan and Caroline

Summary: They dance for what seems like hours. And in that moment, she feels as if they were one person. As if his world was hers too. Because she doesn’t just get used to the silence, she enjoys it. Steroline AU.

A/N: *sighs* @ the four people who read this fanfic, today is your lucky day! as for the rest, carry on. part1// part2 // part3. ff.net

One thing she knows, volleyball was never this hilarious. It's more of a joke than a sport actually. And her friends, instead of trying to play properly and win are just falling over each other, bursting into laughter and making a comment about everything that happens. 

The teams were supposed to be the girls against the boys, with Jo reading a book near them. But Damon and Bonnie had made it their job to ruin the game. Caroline glares at them for the ninth time when they stand in front of each other, separated by only the web in the middle and keep flirting with each other. Alaric comes just in time and pulls Damon away, putting him in his place again and they start all over again.

Caroline is probably the only one who is taking the game seriously, Matt keeps mumbling that he is hungry, Damon and Bonnie keep flirting with each other, Alaric leaves every two minutes to steal a kiss from Jo then comes back, Nadia is actually trying to help but she is so bad at the game, it's horrifying. And Lexi is just playing around.

So that leaves Stefan, who seems to be the only one playing with her. The ball keeps going between the two of them, and damn it is adorable the way he tries to catch the ball, pushing the boys around him. But they are so busy being kids that they don't notice that the game is now played by only two people.

Nadia tried to hit the ball once, but Caroline got in front of her so quick and almost pushed her just to hit it back to him.

So now that was the scene. Lexi and Nadia are few steps back, watching Stefan and Caroline as they kept the game alive. Matt and Alaric are talking about food, and Bonnie and Damon are now arguing instead of flirting.

And Jo is watching from her seat.

Out of nowhere, Stefan sends the ball high, which makes Caroline jumps the highest she can, hitting the ball so hard that it hit his head. Literally. He falls to the ground, and so does she, since her attempt to reach the ball got her into a glorious jump.

Everyone comes out of their bubble now, Bonnie and Nadia rush to Caroline, helping her to sit. While the boy gather around Stefan and Lexi who is now by his side, chuckling as she helps him to sit straightly.

"You okay?" Bonnie asks Caroline.

"Yeah, yeah." She says absently as she stands up and walks to Stefan, peaking her head between the faces that are staring down to him.

She covers her mouth, her cheeks burning with embarrassment, and when he looks at her he laughs. It's short and barely audible but she hears it. And it makes her heart beats a bit faster.

"You okay, tough boy?" Lexi asks as she helps him to stand up.

He nods his head, looking at everyone around them, he raises his eyebrows. Shooting them a look and looking around him as 'the show is over, leave' And so they do, only after Damon bats his shoulder not so gently.

Matt runs into the house, to the kitchen specifically and Nadia follows him. Alaric sits next to Jo, Damon is already splashing Bonnie with water which leads them into fighting in the middle of the water. Which leaves Stefan and Caroline, standing in front of each other while smiling.  

"You really hit him."

Caroline snaps, looks to her right to find Lexi standing almost between them with a smirk. Stefan turns too and smiles.

"I didn't mean to." She defends herself.

"Eh, you did hit him." Lexi titles her head. Which makes Caroline shakes her head and laughs.

"Hey guys." Jo calls them and Stefan turns around when Lexi and Caroline do. "We're starving, you're not planning to eat?"

"Come on, it's kitchen time." Alaric says before he pulls Jo and walks inside. They follow them, leaving Damon and Bonnie in the water.

… …

They sit around the fire that Damon made, everyone holding their own plate of spaghetti and meatballs. They talk, laugh, tell embarrassing stories about each other and laugh. Caroline was now sure that Stefan could read lips, because he understood everything just fine and was laughing as well.

Lexi turns out to be more fun than Caroline thought; she is the one who comes up with stories that never end, some about Damon and some about Stefan. Caroline also figured that Stefan and Lexi were really close. She watches the way she makes him laugh, the way they mess up with each other food. Sometimes Lexi would turn to him, face to face, says something with her lips moving and no voice coming out. And he would nod, or laugh. It was their way of whispering.

After a while, everyone walks in. Bonnie heads to her room to change her clothes because they got water all over them, Damon follows and of course they don't come down any time soon. Nadia and Matt put on some movie and soon enough Alaric and Jo join them.

When Caroline comes out of the kitchen, she looks at everyone, then at the glass door. And she finds him sitting alone next to the fire, with a book in his hand and a bag next to him. She looks back to the group watching TV, no one notices her. So she heads outside, hands playing with the hem of her sweatshirt after zipping it up till the middle.

He looks up when she comes closer, and he smiles, closing the book and putting it aside. Her hand goes up to her hair with a smile, and he motions her to sit, which she does. There's a silence for a while, both staring at the fire. She notices him reaching for his bag, getting something out of it then she looks away again.

Few moments later she finds him handing her a notebook, with 'Hey' written on the first line. She can't help it but chuckle, it's nervous and she feels excitement rushing through her. She takes the notebook and the pen, writes another 'hey' on the next line, then hands it back to him. And his smile is just as big as hers.

She doesn't see what he is writing until he gives it backs to her.

'I'm Stefan.' It says.

She takes it again.

So they say. I'm Caroline :)

I can see your smiley face you know :P

She bursts out laughing then.

I know sign language you know? I mean everyone knows! It's everyone's joke now.

He shakes his head, licking his lips.

I just thought that maybe, mostly, you're still a beginner so I didn't want to put you in a corner.

His teasing eyes make the statement even more mocking.

That is rude.

She says, this time with her hands, in the language he thinks she didn't master yet. And they both chuckle. But their laughter fade away eventually, and they are back to staring at each other. If this was a drinking game, one where they drink every time they stare at each other, they would be both drunk by now.

But she can't help it but enjoy looking into those two green eyes. She can write an essay about the way they shine because of the fire next to them. And she thinks that he may do the same thing for her blue ones.

Then his hands interrupt her thoughts. He seems to think about it, the way his lips curve into thin line, takes a breath, smiles and then 'thank you'.

She understands it. And she loves it.

She just shrugs.

But you don't have to. His hands are slower this time. I can read lips just fine. I'm really good at it actually.

He gives her a questioning look when he finishes, probably wondering if she understood it.

"Well, I'm not good at lips reading." She says with a shrug. "So that could be a problem."

They both laugh, and okay she now knows his laugh, can describe it, imitate it. She knows it. First, it's like a chuckle, then he licks his lips in attempt of holding his smile and not letting it take over his face, stupid obviously. And then he looks down, lowering his chin a bit and if you're lucky he will shake his head slightly.

You can teach me.

He looks at her hands, and his smile actually grows bigger, and this time he doesn't try to hide it.

And then he nods.

He does some gesture with his hands, when her eyebrows furrow he gets the pen and writes 'stupid'. She titles her head, pointing at him and saying it with her hands.  And he chuckles again. Then he does another gesture, she doesn't get it. So he writes it on the paper. "Beautiful."

And she laughs again. They continue with the game, he teaches her words, then full sentences and expressions.

And they have their own bubble now, one that even Lexi watching them from the glass door can't get into.

… …

It's after midnight; she is laying on her bed under the window and texting him. It's a cycle of texting, beaming, giggling and rolling on the bed like a kid. It's been almost an hour. They went from basic information like favorite color and favorite book, to actually knowing each other.

He asks her about friends. She says that it's been only Bonnie and Matt for a while. She also mentions Tyler, says something about being old friends but no longer on good terms. He doesn't push or ask more when she changes the subject. Apparently he only has Lexi, and he adds Jo before leaving it like that. He tells her that technically she's his therapist, but after three years of knowing each other. She's more of a friend.

She doesn't hide her surprise that Jo is a therapist, neither the awkwardness of it. Something about therapists - or anyone who knows physiology well enough, always made her uncomfortable. It's just the fact that their job enables them to read you too easily. Everything you do, say or think is so predictable for them and they've probably read books that make the way you struggle with something, so normal and just a medical case.

He tells her that even after three years, he like to think that Jo can't read him that well.

Other than that, he turns out to be a writer. Of course, he tries to make it nothing, describe as if it's just a hobby, even though he finished his studies and got a degree more than a year ago. He also says that he isn't writing anything right now. But, after few attempts of her to get him to talk, he admits that he's working on something, nothing big, nothing organized. Just pieces put together. He has no intention of publishing it; it just makes him feel better.

And she almost changes the subject, asks another question. But, he pulls her back into and reminds her that he doesn't know what she does. She had a Drama major back in school, currently interning under an executive producer on some okay-channel.

They talk some more after that, no more questions and answers. Just words going back and forth in ease.

She falls asleep in the middle of their conversation. And when she wakes up with the phone under her stomach, she hopes he fell asleep, too. Or well, at least figured out that she adores sleep.

… …

Oddly enough, everyone else is still asleep when she walks out of her room. She's sure that at least one out of the three couples is awake in their rooms, but she doesn't really care. She walks downstairs, makes some coffee and sits on the couch after snatching one magazine from the table.

The quiet is nice, and much appreciated after yesterday, and well, before today.

A while later, she hears someone walking into the open kitchen. Which is werid, since she didn't hear anyone walking down the stairs. She turns around in the couch, stretches a bit to see who is it. And it looks like he didn’t notice it, since he's standing with his back, probably making his coffee. Wearing only a white undershirt with his shirt thrown over his shoulder.

She clears her throat, then realizes how dumb it is. So she falls back into her place, putting on her headphones in case he turns around and sees her.

Few moments later, she feels a ball of paper thrown at her head. She looks up and sees him leaning on the kitchen island, fully dressed. And a big grin covering his face.

She smiles back and enjoys the few minutes they have before the place turns into utter chaos.

… …

The day goes on normal, everyone gathering around the kitchen or the couch in front of the television. Damon makes pancakes, plenty of them. Mostly for Bonnie but he shows off by forcing them all to taste them, then admit how tasty they are.

The new love birds, no, birds. Just birds.

The new birds are getting better at hiding the awkwardness and long gazes. Their smiles are lighter, their eyes manage to linger less.

But everyone doesn't seem to be getting better like they are. Everyone still watches, everyone still whispers, everyone still seems to be so entertained by them.

So when he hands her a glass of water, then smiles when their fingers touch before walking back into his chair. She isn't surprised to turn around to see adults acting like children and sharing glances. What she isn't prepared to see, is Damon handing Alaric ten dollars on the table.

She looks between them, then between everyone else. And it's the same weird, annoying silence with subtle smiles and glances.

"Okay, what's going on?" She snaps, her hands flat on the cold island.

No one starts, some look at each other, some busy themselves with nothing in particular.

"Damon." She looks at him with tilted head. He takes his time to swallow the food, even take a sip from his coffee before rubbing his hands together and clearing his throat.

"Ric and I had a bet, he said you two would start shy-touching in less than three days, I said four. I almost won anyway, really." He shrugs, saying it all like a piece of news. Nothing that should matter to her.

She takes a moment to let it sink, how simple he makes it seem. She looks between the rest of them. Everyone looks away with annoying grins.

"You knew about this?" She looks at bonnie.

"I couldn't stop them even if I tried." She widens her eyes with a shrug before taking her plate to the sink.

"Caroline, it's obvious that you two are into each other." Bonnie says as she walks back to the group around the island.

"No, it's not." She throws her arm in the air out of madness. "Who decided that we were?"

"It's… kinda obvious." Nadia says, looking at everyone while doing so. "Like… very obvious."

Caroline looks at Lexi this time. And she may be the less annoying face among them.

"Listen-" She starts.

"No, you listen. All of you." She points her finger at everyone. "This is starting to get annoying, guys. I mean at first it was funny, but now it's just irritating. We are not some high school kids, this isn't some rumors going around to entertain you. Okay? All these mysterious smiles and looks and bets." She looks between Damon and Alaric. "It's stupid, and childish, but mostly uncomfortable. This isn't some real life show thing. Just… cut it off."

They all look guilty, even Nadia who isn't even related to the whole thing. Damon, however, doesn't break the eye contact. In fact, he holds her gaze while chewing on his food. She drops his gaze with a sigh and walks around the island and into the living room. And she sees him, sitting with his back, head buried in his book, absolutely oblivious to the conversation that was about him. And it makes her shiver for a moment. Then she wraps her arms around herself before walking out of the place and heading to the beach.

… …urrently interning under an excutive producer on some okay-channel. she does.go. that well.

It's a bit after sunset when they all start packing. Getting ready to hit the road and go back to their normal, boring life.

Overall, Caroline wouldn't say that this weekend was terrible. It was good actually, she met new people, most of them are good friend material. If it wasn't for the childish behavior getting her uncomfortable, therefor angry, she would've marked the weekend as a success.

When she heads to the car with a bag on her shoulder and another in her hand, and sees him putting bags into the car, she decides that it was, after all, a success. Yet, she can't help that voice in the back of her head, pushing her to do something, say something. To take control of the situation.

Because it was so random, gazing and smiles and shy-touching. Even after she got everyone to shut their mouths, she still felt the need to put a label on all of this. She didn't like untitled relationships. She didn't enjoy blurred lines and messing around. People in her life always had a name, mother, friend, neighbor, colleague, ex-boyfriend. Everyone had a name, no other options in sight.

So, with a deep breath, and a leap of bravery and just a little bit of confidence, she walks to him. He only notices her when she's next to the car. He puts the last bag then looks up and smiles at her.

Yup, here it is, same smile. Same annoying, untitled, uncalled for smile.

"Hey." She breaths out.

He nods, trying to pull his lips together and hide his smile.

"Look, so uh…" She starts, her hands playing with each other nervously. "We're, I mean I'm…"

She stops to close her eyes momentarily. He can read lips but can he read rambling? So she slows down, gathers her strength and starts again.

"I'm really glad that I came here, I got to meet new people and blind in and I's been only two weeks since I moved into the city so this is great." She chuckles. And he smiles at her enthusiasm and words.

"And I also got to know you." She extends her arm to motion at him, eyeing him up and down. "Which is even greater." She chuckles again. "It's good to have a new friend… I hope I make it to the list with Lexi and Jo." When she finishes, she has hope bursting out of her eyes. Anticipation and worry and maybe a little bit of fear all mangled up together.

She hopes he catches her point.

He doesn't blink, doesn't seem taken back at all. Not surprised. If anything, he looks calm. In a way that bothers her. Like he expected this to happen. Like he knew she'd make this move. That she'd chicken out quickly. Like it was the normal thing for her to take a step back. He expected it, and that… well that makes her blood boil all at once for all the different reasons. His smile starts to fade, but then his lips go wide again in a total fake forced display. And he nods, so easily.

He looks down, and she finds herself searching for something to say.

But his hands cut her, say something that she's sure she's seen at least once in the midst of her online lessons.

Friend.

He moves his lips, and she feels so fragile, like she's been cornered even though he hasn't done anything but make it easier for her really.

He puts his hands in his pockets and starts to take steps back, all while looking down, before turning away fully and walking back into the house.

She can't help the tears that form in her eyes, out of sadness or embarrassment or something unlabeled. She doesn't really know and she doesn't really care.

She turns away from the house, closes her eye and puts her hair away from her face before inhaling what must be her first breath in a minute.

She shakes her head, chuckling before turning around to be greeted by Damon.

"You know? You just made me lose another bet." He says, looking around as he approaches her. She scuffs, crossing her arms against her chest as she listens to whatever he got.

"Rick said this will be over in three weeks." He narrows his eyes. "I said two."

He takes a moment to run his tongue over his teeth, looking her up and down. "Took you less than a week." He chuckles.

And she has to shift in her place, her arms falling next to her body and her eyes now looking at the porch behind him.

"Just keep it this way, blondie." He says, in a serious tone that bothers her even more. "Keep it this way… and we all avoid unnecessary drama." He nods at her before heading back to where he came from.

As she stands still, alone, after one brother being so calm and the other be so aggressive. She doesn't know what bothers her more, that Stefan seemed to be expecting her move, or that Damon dropped that comment, or that weather she likes it or not, it doesn't seem like a game to him, or that she took that move in the first place.

She walks to the car and opens the door. She'll wait for everyone in the car, because honestly? Honestly, she's had enough of this weekend already. 

A/N 2: FRIENDZONED WE ARE WEHEEE. lolol okay first of all hiii. i know it’s been more than a year, which is awful but last year was a roller-coaster for me and i didn’t feel like writing in a while and when i did, i never had the time. anyway, this is just something i tried to put together as a gift that i hope some of you can find comfort in it after the finale. also, thank you so much for your comments and your messages they’re the reason the i got inspired again to continue this. fair warning though, this fic will take a very angsty turn later on, i mean i don’t do fluff!! and this is probably the reason i was hardly inspired to update, so imma turn it into angst mess pretty soon. but don’t worry, it’s a nice kind of angst. spoiler alert: no one dies! i will be much kinder than the writers ever were to us. hope you enjoyed this lil chapter. till next time, hopefully less than a year.

[hailey-halstead]

Pink Stripes

hey guys!!! i think this is the longest brettonio one-shot i have ever wrote! definitely plan on writing more pregnancy stories in the future:-) i have to write one where he finds out about her little incident that happens in this specific story.....a direct sequel :-) hope u all enjoy! Happy Chicago Fire day!!!!! hopefully there will be an antonio mention tonight😍😍as always i don't own anything! (Ps i know NOTHING about natalie manning from chicago med so just a warning if she seems OOC or whatever she was just a filler character haha) ——————— Fuck. Was the first word that ran through Sylvie's mind as she viewed the two light pink stripes on the plastic pregnancy test she was clutching in her hand. The first one that she had taken was on top of the toilet paper dispenser. This couldn't be happening at literally the worst time in the entire world. Was this a joke? A scam? No it's not. She told herself, still staring at the test. You're having a baby. It was only a few days prior that Matt and Gabby had made the hardest decision of their lives to return Louie back to his birth father. The emotional turmoil would stick with them forever, but the wounds were still fresh. Gabby had only started back at work yesterday. She was dealing with the loss of her child, and now Sylvie was going to have this news thrown in her friend's face, that she was pregnant? How could this get even more terrible? Gabby would be happy for her, she definitely knew that. But it would naw at her insides, reminding her of the boy she had just given away. Sylvie didn't want to be that for Gabby. And then there was Antonio. The father of the baby she was know carrying. Yes, they were pretty serious. She had just met his kids a couple weeks ago. That has to be the biggest sign of 'we are in a serious relationship'. However, they haven't reached the subject of kids yet. Yeah, he already has two kids, but does he want more? Personally she had always wanted kids, but honestly hasn't been thinking of them during her relationship with Antonio. It has just been so new, different. They had a considerable age difference, plus he was divorced with two kids. She continued sitting on the toilet, staring at the test. Yes, she had to worry about how she was going to tell Antonio and Gabby, as well as if she would continue working as a paramedic during her pregnancy. The job wasn't as dangerous as being a firefighter, however it wasn't a safe desk job. She had a lot of things to be cautious about. Most the important thing of all, she was going to be a mother. And when she thought about it, she technically already was, to this little bean who was living in her body. Sylvie lifted up her shirt halfway, gingerly resting her hand on her stomach. She knew it would be months before she will feel her baby kick, but just the realization that there was a human growing in her was enough to bring her to tears. The opening of the bathroom door brought her back to reality. She wiped her tears away and brought her shirt back down. She then stuffed both of the tests into her pocket, making sure they were deep enough so no one would see them and they also wouldn't fall out. She exited the bathroom, trying to ignore the strange feeling that was taking over her entire body. She then realized that 'strange feeling' she was trying to suppress: pure joy and excitement. She was going to be a mother! "What the hell is up with you?" Her thoughts came into a screeching halt when she remembered that she was no longer alone. Cruz was sitting at one of the tables, giving her a puzzled look. "Did you just get some really good news?" He pressed, leaning his chin on his hands. "If you do, you should share it. We could all benefit from hearing good news." "Er." Sylvie dumbly stared at Cruz, not knowing what to say. Ultimately, she did not want him to know before she told Antonio. "Uh, my sister had a baby." Not a total lie. Her sister did have a baby. Three years ago. For some reason Cruz bought her terrible lie. "Oh, cool." He said, looking a little disappointed by her news. He returned his attention back to the newspaper in front of him. Sylvie quickly left the room, her mind still whirling. She couldn't keep this to herself for forever. She wanted to tell someone so badly. But she was only in the middle of her shift, and wouldn't be able to see Antonio until tomorrow. In her distraction, Sylvie ran into Stella. "Oof!" She began to fall back, but she was able to maintain her balance. However she immediately grabbed hold of her stomach, thinking of the human life she was now carrying. I have to be more careful. She reminded herself, returning her attention back to Stella, whose eyes were staring at her stomach and the hand that was resting over it. She resisted the urge to quickly take it off and instead just kept her hand there. "Stomach ache." She explained, hoping Stella wouldn't be suspicious. "Cramps?" She asked, a sympathetic expression on her face. "Had mine last week." It definitely wasn't cramps, but Sylvie went along with it. "Yeah, my time of the month." She pretended to look annoyed and also let out a little sigh. "Sending prayers." Stella squeezed Sylvie's shoulder as she passed. "Thanks." She mumbled, trying to keep control of her nerves and excitement. How was she going to keep this secret? She never was good at keeping them anyways. But it was like God had just answered her prayers when the alarm went off above, calling for Ambulance 61, Truck 81, and Squad 3. Hopefully the distraction of work would keep her focused and preoccupied. Gabby was already in the driver's seat when Sylvie arrived to the garage. "I hope you don't mind." She told her, starting the engine. Sylvie shook her head, she never particularly cared if she drove or not. "It's fine by me." She responded. She sat in silence as Gabby pulled forward, leaving the firehouse and entering on the main road. The address that the dispatcher gave turned out to be a location of a lake, which was now frozen due to it being the middle of January. And in the middle was a trio of three teenagers, one already in the water and the two others struggling to stay on top of a block of floating ice. To Sylvie's dismay, they also were clearly intoxicated, at four in the afternoon. "Jesus." Gabby sighed next to her, as they observed Truck and Squad getting to work. "I know." Sylvie commented, anxiously watching as multiple members of 51 carefully walked on the frozen ice. She wondered how thick, or thin, it was. "You have the blankets ready, right?" Gabby asked, before becoming quiet when she realized that Sylvie was holding them in her hands. "You're one step ahead of me." She complimented, grabbing one of the blankets. "Sylvie!" Sylvie squinted her eyes, trying to visually find out who was calling her name. She noticed Herrmann waving his arms in the air. She handed the blankets in her arms over to Gabby, approaching the frozen lake with caution. "Yeah?" She raised her voice so Herrmann was able to hear her. "Can we pass the victims to you?" He asked. "You're the smallest, it would be the safest way." Sylvie ignored how her stomach was now twisting at his request. It would be fine, she was only going to be going about ten feet out onto the ice, and this was her job. And not only was she helping the victims, she was helping her fellow 51 members as well. But her mind couldn't help but immediately begin thinking about her child residing in her.... But she shook that thought away. She would be fine, she had nothing to worry about. She had to do her job and in order to do that she had to push those type of concerns away. Right now she had to focus on getting the three teenagers safely back to land while also making sure she wouldn't fall through the ice herself. "Sure." She gave in, taking a tentative step forward, visibly cringing when she heard the barest of crackling of the ice below her. "You good?" Sylvie nodded, trying to keep her anxiety at bay. "Yeah, I think so." She kept taking cautious steps towards Herrmann, unable to hold back a sigh of relief when she was able to grasp onto one of the teenagers. Sylvie realized that he was the one who had fallen in, as he was soaked and wouldn't stop shivering. Sylvie retraced her steps, and once she reached Gabby, she wished that she didn't have to go back on the ice. But without a second thought, she headed back onto the frozen lake. The second trip went as smoothly as the first, but halfway through bringing the last boy back to safety, the ice began to split. "Jump!" She screamed at the boy, pushing him forward. Somehow she was strong enough to cause him to move decently forward, only one of his feet went into the water, but he was able to pull himself out. Sylvie has been out in the coldest weather during various work calls, feeling like she had achieved the ultimate level of coldness. Living in the Windy City she thought she had felt it all, the hot weather and the cold. But when she fell into the subzero water, she knew this was an experience that she has never gotten close to. She felt like she was in the cold version of hell. Time felt like eternity in the frozen water, but it was actually only seconds later she was pulled out by Severide and Capp. She was feeling slightly delirious, still in shock from what had just happened. A blanket was thrown over her shoulders. Gabby's face was suddenly in front of her, her glove-clad hands clutching her cheeks. "Are you okay?" She demanded. Sylvie nodded, her body unable to stop shaking. "J-Just a little cold." She tried to reassure her friend, but when she spoke her teeth wouldn't stop chattering. Gabby grabbed Sylvie's arm, pulling her towards the ambulance where the three teenagers were residing, all huddled up under blankets. Sylvie tried to protest, but Gabby wasn't having it. "Get in there." She demanded. Sylvie complied, knowing that fighting against a stubborn Gabby would be a lost battle. She sat down next to one of the boys, bringing the blanket tighter around her body to try to warm herself up. But she new that until she got her soaked clothes off, she wouldn't be helping herself much anytime soon. Horror filled her body when she realizes that she isn't the only person that she should be worrying about. She has a very, very small human being growing inside her, one that is certainly more fragile than she is. Yes, Sylvie logically knew that the few seconds she spent in the subzero water probably wasn't enough to hurt her baby, but she was a mother now. And a mother's job was to worry. Her own mom used to tell her that all the time, but now she finally understood what she had meant. "Hey, you okay lady?" The boy next to her spoke up, words slurring together. Sylvie tried to appreciate the concern, but he was breathing directly into her face and it was making her feel nauseous. She tucked her head down towards her chin. "Yeah," She muttered, trying to keep her composure. When she got to the hospital, she could ask them to check her baby. Just for a precaution. The stress of not knowing wasn't good for the baby as well. She lifted her wet shirt slightly, just to reveal her stomach. Her blanket was covering the majority of her body, so she knew she was having a private moment between her and her child. She pressed her hand to her skin, and closed her eyes. She leaned her head back, wondering why this was the longest ambulance ride of her life. The next thing she knew, she was being shaken back and forth. Sylvie's eyes flew open, and blinked a couple times before finally seeing Gabby come into focus. "Here." She handed Sylvie an extra pair of their paramedic uniform. "I'll get them all situated inside, but text me immediately if you need anything, alright?" Sylvie nodded. "I'll be in right after I change." She reassured her. Gabby began to get off of the ambulance, but then stopped, unzipping her jacket and throwing it at Sylvie. "We don't have an extra jacket, so you wear that." Sylvie opened her mouth to complain, but Gabby didn't let her. "No arguing. You just fell into a frozen lake in the middle of winter. Now get dressed." She then finally left, shutting the vehicle's doors behind her. Sylvie had a little difficulty removing her wet clothes, they were sticking to her skin, but felt relief when they were finally off. To her disappointment, there weren't any spare bras or underwear, but decided to just go commando for the time being. She was only going to be in the hospital for a short time, and then would be back at the firehouse to put on clean undergarments. After pulling on the jacket Gabby loaned her, Sylvie opened the doors and stepped out of the vehicle. She shivered, her body still cold from earlier. Picking up her pace, she entered the hospital, sighing with relief when she felt the warm air hit her skin. "Are you better?" Gabby questioned, examining Sylvie with concern. "You could go sit down and rest for a couple of minutes." Sylvie spotted Natalie Manning a few feet away. "Actually, I'm going to go to the bathroom." She told Gabby, keeping her eyes on the pediatrician. "I won't be long!" She then made a beeline for the doctor, making sure she sped up her pace once she was out of Gabby's line of sight. "Natalie!" She managed to grab a hold of her lab coat, getting the woman to stop in her tracks. She let go quickly, not wanting to seem rude. "I'm sorry for disturbing you..." Her eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong?" Before she revealed anything, Sylvie wanted to make sure that Natalie wasn't busy. "Do you have anywhere specific you need to be right now?" She asked. "Not particularly—" "Good!" She blurted in relief, and then took a deep breath to try to calm herself down. "Good." She repeated. Natalie grew more concerned. She grabbed Sylvie by the arm, pulling her into an empty room. "What's going on?" Sylvie's hands began to cradle her stomach as only just began imagining herself telling her the news. She realized that she didn't even have to speak out loud, Natalie's eyes followed her movement and widened. She realized what was going on. Sylvie wasn't surprised, the woman was a doctor after all. "Wow, congrats!" She wholeheartedly told her. Sylvie now had a permanent smile on her face, she had someone else to enjoy her news with. Natalie wasn't the ideal first person to tell, they weren't really even friends, merely acquaintances, but with the circumstances she knew that she had to let the cat out of the bag. "Thanks." Sylvie warmly told the doctor. "I'm actually here for a specific reason, though..." And she explained her situation to Natalie, that she had fallen into the lake, only briefly, but wanted to make sure the baby was okay. "Sure, I can do that for you." She gestured for Sylvie to take a seat. She explained herself as Sylvie sat down in the chair. "Total coincidence that this is a room with an ultrasound." "As quickly and efficiently we can do this, the better." Sylvie couldn't help but squirm when the fluid was placed on her stomach. "I need to head back to work. Gabby thinks I'm in the bathroom." "When are you going to tell her?" Natalie asked as she moved the device over her stomach. "Are you waiting?" "Not really, well not in that sense." Sylvie admitted. "She just gave up a child that, while wasn't biologically hers, was hers in every other sense. Letting her know I'm pregnant would be a slap in the face." "So....." "So I plan on not letting her know for at least a couple more weeks." Sylvie explained. "It's for the best." "Are you able to continue working as a paramedic while in your condition?" "I was planning on just for the next couple of weeks, but then today happened. And I don't know anymore." She confessed, letting her head rest back against the head cushion. But Natalie was looking at the screen above her. Sylvie's eyes followed, as her heart began pounding faster than it ever has when she viewed her tiny bean. "Wow." She breathed, staring with amazement. "That's.....that's amazing." She was finding it hard to accurately voice how she was feeling. "And the baby looks perfectly healthy." Sylvie couldn't hold back a grin when Natalie told her the news. "You're at 8 weeks, I think." "Could I get a picture?" Sylvie asked. Natalie nodded, heading out of the room briefly. "Actually, could I have two?" She called out. Antonio would probably like one. At this, Natalie turned around, an own smile on her face. "For the father?" Sylvie nodded. "Yeah, for the father." She repeated, but the smile on her face stretched from ear to ear. When Sylvie headed back to the front of the hospital, Gabby was sitting in one of the chairs, looking impatient. Sylvie gulped, wondering what kind of excuse she could use to explain why she was apparently 'in the bathroom for the past 20 minutes'. "Sorry I took so long." Sylvie apologized as she approached her. But to her surprise, the annoyance on Gabby's face cleared up right when she noticed her. "It's fine, you probably needed the few extra minutes to yourself." "Yeah, I feel a lot better." But what Gabby didn't know was she was feeling better for an entirely different reason. Knowing that her baby was okay, and getting to actually see it has totally flipped her mood around. However Sylvie knew she couldn't let her emotions show, Gabby would certainly become suspicious. They left the hospital, preparing for more calls once they got back to the fire station. Luckily for Sylvie, the rest of the shift went by smoothly. She didn't have any risky situations like the frozen lake scenario, and was able to put all of her focus into her job. Sylvie had just changed out of her work clothes and was grabbing the remaining stuff out of her locker when Stella appeared over her shoulder. "Molly's tonight?" She questioned. "After that hellish experience earlier today, I think you deserve a drink." Too bad she couldn't for another nine months, Sylvie sadly thought to herself. "Another night." She promised the firefighter, shutting her locker door. "I think I want to go home and get a good night sleep." Thankfully Stella didn't push any harder to try to convince her to go out. "We will miss you." She told her, leaving the room. "If you change your mind, come straight down." Sylvie laughed, following her out. "It's eleven at night, I don't think I will be changing my mind." She wasn't planning on telling Antonio about the pregnancy until tomorrow, but with today's events and the two photographs carefully tucked away in her purse, she couldn't wait. He was probably getting ready to go to bed, or could be already asleep, but he wouldn't be mad when he hears this exciting news. At least Sylvie kept telling herself he was going to be excited. She wouldn't let herself go down the path of negativity. Stella seemed to have guessed where she was heading to. "Going to your boy's place?" And laughed when Sylvie's face started to turn red. They exited the building, heading to their respective cars. As Sylvie got into her car, she hears Stella call out one last thing. "The offer still stands!" Sylvie stuck her head out of her window, laughing. Stella was super persistent. "I'll tell Antonio you said hello!" She didn't wait to hear Stella's reply, or maybe her friend didn't hear her at all. Either way, Sylvie started her car, trying to control her nerves as she headed to Antonio's apartment. She had both pregnancy tests and the two sonograms in her bag, definitely planning on using at least one of them when she revealed to Antonio that she was pregnant. Or she was going to use both. Honestly, she had completely no idea what she was going to do once she got to his place. Would she say a long speech, or just blurt it out? A part of her was worried her emotions would take over and she would start hysterically crying. She probably was going to end up winging it, but trying to have multiple backup plans was helping lessen her anxiety. She refused to let herself come up with a plan if he didn't want the baby. She wouldn't let her mind enter that territory. There was no reason to freak out over something that might not even happen. Still, Sylvie knew the knots in stomach wouldn't be untangled until she would see Antonio's reaction. After pulling into the garage of Antonio's apartment complex, Sylvie took a couple minutes to herself to try to calm down and collect her thoughts. "I can do this." She told herself out loud, the overwhelming silence of everything else making her focus just on her voice. "Everything will be okay." After allowing herself a moment of silence, she took a deep breath and stepped out of her car. The walk to his specific apartment seemed longer than usual, definitely because of the added anticipation she was feeling. But she soon made it to the elevator, and then finally was on the floor his apartment resided on. "Well here goes nothing." Sylvie muttered, taking one more deep breath before knocking on Antonio's door. He had given her a key, but she honestly felt like she was still barging into his apartment with it, so she preferred knocking. Minutes passed, which made Sylvie realize that he had to have been sleeping. Good going, Sylvie. She thought to herself, bouncing her weight back and forth between her legs. She knew if she had to wait any longer she would between pacing the hallway. But the door opened. And unfortunately she was right, Antonio was in his pajamas with bed-head hair, looking exhausted. Sylvie racked through her brain, trying to remember what day of the week it was.... "Oh no!" She cried out, her free hand going over her mouth in shock. "It's Wednesday, isn't it?" Her tired boyfriend nodded, letting out a loud yawn. "Yeah, it's Wednesday." He repeated. Wednesday's were his worst days at work, for no particular reason. He always seemed to have the hardest cases with the most difficult of families. And countless other obstacles seemed to show up. A couple weeks ago, his coffee maker broke on a Wednesday. And a few weeks before that, he got a flat tire. Sylvie had no idea what happened this particular Wednesday, but judging by his exterior appearance, it was exactly the same as the others. "I'm sorry, Antonio." She gently grabbed one of his hands, allowing herself into his apartment. "But I have news that couldn't wait until morning." She directed the sleepy man to the couch, eagerly awaiting his every move. "It's fine." He yawned again. "Is something wrong?" "No. I mean, you could possibly think it will be wrong, but I don't think you will—" Sylvie was realizing exhaustion was getting to her, as she was finding it difficult to articulate her words accurately. "Sylvie, just tell me. We both won't know how I will feel until I know what the news is." "I think it might be better if I show you." She told him, bringing her bag into her lap. As she searched through, trying to find one of the pregnancy tests and sonograms, she could feel Antonio's confusion grow. "What do you mean show me?" Sylvie didn't answer him, her attention on her bag and what was inside it. She unzipped one of the side compartments, gingerly pulling out one of the sonograms. She removed it from the bag quickly, yelling "don't look!" to Antonio, who claimed he wasn't, but Sylvie knew he was trying to get some kind of clue. She tucked the piece of paper underneath her thigh, making sure she wasn't going to crinkle it. She found the pregnancy test a few seconds later. This was it, the moment of truth. There was no reason to delay it for any longer. She reached for the sonogram, making sure the plastic test was in her other hand. After taking another deep breath, she plopped but of the objects into Antonio's lap. She dug her nails into her thighs, trying not to freak out over the anticipation of his reaction. She doesn't remember any other moment she has felt this anxious and excited. He picked both objects up, one in each hand. But Sylvie was intently watching his face, wanting to see every emotion that came across his face. The first she was able to distinguish was shock, which Sylvie was able to understand. Hell, that was the first one that she felt herself. But then Antonio directed a question at her. "Is this–Are you really–" His eyes were wider than she had ever seen them, and his jaw was on the floor. He was completely caught off guard. Not sure if she could trust herself from having an emotional breakdown, she only nodded her head. She let out a shriek when Antonio suddenly pulled her forward, bringing her onto his lap. "The sonogram—" She warned him, not wanting to damage it. "It's on the table, it's fine." He mumbled into her hair. He kept his hold on Sylvie, but brought his head back, making eye contact with her. "This is real? One hundred percent real??" "It's one hundred fifty percent real." Sylvie reassured him, resting her hands on his thighs. "You're going to be a dad again, old man." She couldn't resist the tease. At the beginning of their relationship, she knew their age difference was a sore spot to him, but now he only rolled his eyes and scoffed when Sylvie decided to throw in the rare dig. "I'll keep that in mind when you're 9 months pregnant, begging me to go out to get you some specific kind of ridiculous food." Antonio dryly told her, shutting her up. "I won't be able to go out, my joints will be aching." But even he still had a big smile on his face, letting Sylvie know that he wasn't serious. "So you're happy?" Sylvie couldn't resist asking, wanting a confirmation. "Hell yes I am happy!" He told her, reaching over to pick up the sonogram. He stared at it in amazement, tracing his fingers over the picture of the tiny fetus. "Holy shit." He mumbled, only awe shining through his eyes. "Holy shit, indeed." She echoed his words, as love filled her heart while silently viewing Antonio examine the paper, one of the most amazing sites she has ever witnessed in her life.

[wrestlingisfake]

Raw Fake Rankings, 6/5/2021

Men's singles division - babyfaces

Drew McIntyre

Damian Priest

Jeff Hardy

Angel Garza

Jaxson Ryker

Ricochet

Humberto Carrillo

Mansoor

Shelton Benjamin

R-Truth

Men's singles division - heels

Bobby Lashley (WWE world champion)

Sheamus (WWE United States champion)

Elias

Jinder Mahal

John Morrison

Mustafa Ali

Drew Gulak

Cedric Alexander

Akira Tozawa (WWE 24/7 champion)

Since Wrestlemania, Raw has tried to do some things with Garza, Mahal, Carrillo, Ricochet, Gulak, Alexander, Benjamin, and Mansoor. But none of it has really had any lasting impact to build them up as key players in this division. At the moment, it feels like the Elias-Ryker breakup will be more prominently featured than any of those other guys, but that's mostly because it just started and hasn't had time to be neglected.

The only guys on this list who feel like major attractions are McIntyre, Lashley, Sheamus, and Priest. McIntyre and Lashley keep fighting over and over. Sheamus is making all the midcard faces look like chumps. Priest is making all the midcard heels look like chumps. I assume at some point we'll get Priest vs. Sheamus, and then McIntyre vs. Sheamus and Lashley vs. Priest a million times.

It's probably worth calling attention to Jeff Hardy, if only because I keep forgetting he's not out with a knee injury. Of late, Hardy has spent as much time on the filler show Main Event as he has on Raw, and he hasn't won a match since February 1. I don't know if that means anything, but it's a strange way to use a guy with his star power. (In spite of all that, I still consider him the #3 babyface on the brand; that's how badly I think the rest of the roster has been misused.)

Men's tag team division - babyfaces

RK-Bro - Randy Orton & Matt Riddle

Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods

Lucha House Party - Gran Metalik & Lince Dorado

Men's tag team division - heels

AJ Styles & Omos (Raw tag team champions)

T-Bar & Mace

Orton and Riddle are doing the bit where the wacky guy can't figure out that his tag team partner hates him, and it's hard to believe that won't lead to a breakup soon. Then again, Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross were together just a little over a year, and the split was less "Alexa was using Nikki all along" and more "Alexa got possessed or some shit idk."

Women's singles division - babyfaces

Rhea Ripley (Raw women's champion)

Asuka

Nikki Cross

Naomi

Women's singles division - heels

Charlotte Flair

I'm listing Ripley as a face mainly because I read that the fans on the video wall at the Thunderdome are told to cheer for her. That's a stupid reason to consider someone a pro wrestling good guy, but I think it's hilarious that this is the only way to tell, so I'm going with it. Anyway, they're turning Cross into a goof (moreso than before), and Naomi was barely doing anything before her tag team partner was fired.

This division is a joke, which is crazy to say because I think all five of these women are great, but it is.

Women's tag team division - babyfaces

Dana Brooke & Mandy Rose

Women's tag team division - heels

Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax

There's only two teams here. Brooke and Rose once walked out of a match against Baszler and Jax because they decided they didn't want to get beat up. Baszler just lost a match to Jax's manservant, or whatever Reginald is.

No matches in 30 days: Alexa Bliss, Bray Wyatt, Erik, Ivar, Keith Lee, MVP, Reckoning, Shanky, Slapjack, Titus O'Neil, Veer

I've got Jinder Mahal's new cronies, Veer and Shanky, listed in italics because they still not listed on WWE.com's official Raw roster. (Actually, Veer is still on the site under his NXT name, Rinku.)

There was a report a while back that Slapjack (Shane Thorne) and Recknonig (Mia Yim) were headed to Smackdown, but that still hasn't happened, so as far as I'm concerned they're still technically Raw personnel.

Wyatt has been off TV since Bliss turned on him and essentially took over his spot. I've read rumors that he's dealing with some personal issues, but frankly that's none of our business unless he wants to address it publicly. What matters here is that I don't have enough information to list him as inactive, and there appears to be no timetable for him to return. (Same deal with Keith Lee, who's been out for months and nobody's saying why, not even to imply that it could be a concussion.)

Ironically, Bliss has been out of action longer than Wyatt. If they're serious about booking her like Wyatt's Fiend character, that will be the norm. Despite being a heavily-pushed title contender in the men's division, Bray has only wrestled 17 televised matches in the past two years. Based on that pattern, I expect each of Bliss's matches will be spaced apart by weeks and weeks of promos and skits.

Part-timers/semi-retired: Triple H, Reginald, Shane McMahon

Inactive

Becky Lynch (maternity leave)

Lacey Evans (pregnancy)

Riddick Moss (knee - ACL tear)

The Miz (knee - ACL tear)

It's been six months since Lynch gave birth, and fans are going nuts waiting for her to return. At this point you might as well hold off until Summerslam, and do her first match back in front of the biggest, hottest crowd possible. Unfortunately at this point I don't think any one person, not even Becky, can turn the entire WWE women's division around.

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E5 (The Rhodes Not Taken)

Time to swan-dive off of the pinnacle of season 1, head-first into... Whatever this is. 

Here’s what you missed on: GLEE!

Oh yeah, invitationals are a thing right now. Can’t wait until those get scrapped. 

The autotuning on Finn and Quinn right now is perhaps the worst in the series. Did they do that on purpose so that I’d miss Rachel? Because I don’t!

Santana making jokes about Kurt’s sexuality... Lmao we see right through you hon

“We may have to layer Santana and Mercedes over Quinn’s solo” or... If you KNOW they’ve got more powerful voices... Give one of THEM the solo???

“That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire but she can sing” Is the truest thing Puck’s said up to now

“How about I give Tina a few of her verses?” AGAIN, WILLIAM, WE’VE JUST BEEN THROUGH THIS!

Sign #14 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Why start a glee club when you’ve got no sense of talent? 

Good for Finn for telling Mr Schue to back the fuck off of his personal matters, for once

Terri’s stabbing that pie to an after-life death and she’s already had 2 slices and now she’s ordering another. Cravings are one thing but we all know that baby bump’s basically just a couch cushion? Honestly, props to her for being smart enough to own that situation

Sign #15 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: This dumbass guy straight up tells Mr Schue that he’s being held back in high school for YEARS just to stay in VA and his first thought ISN’T to tell somebody about it to inspect the situation. No, his first thought is, “how can I cheat like they are?”

Sign #16 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He told Emma about Quinn’s pregnancy, while rubbing his greasy hands all over her shoulders, with a big smile all over his face. Gross. 

Sign #17 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Using Emma to manipulate Finn into prioritising glee over football??????

Nobody believes in the talent of any of these kids who aren’t Rachel and it makes me so god damn sad

This Jacob-interviewing-Rachel scene did NOT age well. Although it’s definitely meant to be creepy...

Why did I never notice how fucked up this scene is before? Jacob, IN FRONT OF SANDY, A STAFF MEMBER, tells Rachel she’s got to strip to get a good review. And then he just... Starts talking about horse dicks...???? Hello? 2009????

How did Finn know Rachel would be in this random classroom

Finn’s a dick for using Rachel’s feelings to manipulate her here. But the thing is, with this season, they’re all still somewhat sympathetic... I still like all of these characters. I hate Rachel, even though I like her, because her entitled attitude makes sense. Finn being so desperate to get Rachel back in glee that he’ll go about it an underhanded way makes sense!

That being said, the chemistry’s real here

Sign #18 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Putting Emma’s job at risk to dig up April’s files just because he knows he can. Using her feelings against her! Is that the theme for this episode? Boooo

What is Ryan Murphy’s fascination with Andrew Cunanan? ...Also, I love that in the universe of glee, there’s a loose implication that Emma Pilsbury is distantly responsible for the death of Gianna Versace. That’s some worldbuilding right there...

Playing Heart Of Glass in the background here is a damn crime, because you know that was a cover just begging to be Quinn Fabray’d...

KRISTIN CHENOWETH!!!!! I don’t care how much they paid her for this, it wasn’t enough

Sign #19 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: When April very blatantly implies that she’s an escort, and expecting for them to sleep together, he says nothing. Wonderful marriage you got there, Will!

Sign #20 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He doesn’t care about the actual wellbeing of the glee kids, and he doesn’t care about April’s struggles, or helping her recover. If he did, he wouldn’t invite her to school without a second thought! She literally doesn’t have a HOME, dude!

All the kids are immediately uncomfortable. Don’t do this to them!!!

Kurt’s genuinely wearing a shirt/blazer combo right now that I swear to god I’ve seen my grandma rock. I wish I was kidding 

Cool time to cry while Lea and Kristin both destroy Maybe This Time! Kristin gives it far more depth though, can’t lie. Chills chills chills chills!!!!!

UGH. The way April stops her performance, the lights around her fades, she comes back to reality and you can just feel her realising how badly she’s missed singing... Why did this show have to hire such an icon for such a tiny roll!!! 

I’d cry too, Kurt. I’d cry too...

Is huffing upholstery cleaner a real thing? I mean, she says it was the 90′s. Anything’s possible...

Sign #21That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Once he’s forced to come to terms with the fact that April makes the kids uncomfortable, does he ask her to leave them be? No. He tells her to convince them that, yes, they should adore this random woman he pulled off of the streets to take their solos...

And she starts by boozing up Kurt. Leave him alone!!! He doesn’t want to drink his aunt Mildred! His face when he says “that’s fantastic...” is priceless. He’s so naive. Somebody protect him.

Kurt can’t really be into the old-ass dude on that muscle mag cover. And he can’t honestly be walking around with it exposed to the world can he? HIDE YOUR PORN!!!

I forgot about this smuggling scene... Oh my god. She legit sent Tina and Mercedes on a thieving rampage huh!

Tina’s face when she looks at Mercedes... Priceless. I adore her.

And then... The shower scene. Right. ._. I knew there was a reason I really didn’t like April. They’re kids!!!

Sandy sucks. That’s all I have to say about that. 

I love that bowling is Finn’s personal remedy for all of life’s stress.

Sign #22 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: The smug look he gives Rachel when he tells her, without actually acknowledging her, that April’s got her part now. He’s clearly rubbing it in, and pretending he’s “excited” to see the play is a load of shit! He’s really SMIRKING because he just upset a teenage girl!

I know we need to let the audience know that Kurt’s drinking a little too much too fast, but he looks like he got that suit from a homeless man who’s twice his size in a fight, which he lost...

“Oh, Bambi... I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy........[VIOLENT RETCHING]”

Sign #23 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: April is the only person who could’ve gotten Kurt that drunk and they all know it. That should be enough for him to turn her out the door, at the very least until she’s sobered up completely!!! “I’m so sorry. I’ll talk to him.” Talk to HER first, fuckwit!

Good on Emma for telling him like it fucking is. They’re here to help the kids, that’s that. Why doesn’t he fucking listen?

How is Sandy getting away with just bullying Rachel like this??? She’s a TEENAGER. How has nobody filed a fucking complaint???

April just unabashedly thirsting over high-schoolers in the bathroom? Hello? 

Rachel tells it like it is. April’s just fucking things up and she knows it! And now she’s one nudge closer to realising she actually cares about her friends, so that’s nice

“Do I have to put my fingers in the holes?” Wanky

She’s really cosplaying as a sailor for her bowling date with Finn, huh?

I hate how cute Finn and Rachel are here even though I know he’s playing her for her talent...

I want to say “Why are Will and April having such a serious conversation in a BOWLING ALLEY?” But I can buy that she’d only agree to talk if they could do it there

Ok, nope, Will’s just said “I brought you here because I need to talk to you” so he picked the bowling alley. Who the fuck stages a one-man intervention in the middle of a bowling match?

Kristin plays a very convincing addict pretending to agree with an intervention just because the intervention hurts

Seeing her get all emotional at how much Will looked up to her is really making me feel... God damn the talent on this woman

I don’t want to enjoy anything Will Schuester does, but Kristin elevates any cover she touches automatically, so yeah, I love listening to them do Alone. Matt Morrison’s lip-syncing is suuuuuuper off though...

I can physically feel the hold Finn’s got on Rachel’s heart right now. God damn. Also, he’s a bastard for leading her on like this.

The glee kids are all a bunch of dumbies if they can’t tell Quinn’s pregananant and I love them for it. “Lactose intolerant” ??? Really, Kurt?

“I bet you thought Bert and Ernie were just roommates” Puck, at it again with the lines

Kurt’s so excited about the drama? I wonder if it’s because he thinks Finn will leave Quinn because of the baby, like, c’mon he’s got more decency than that

Finn deadass APPLIED for a scholarship? Does anybody else remember this because I sure as hell don’t? I’m pretty sure they never mention it again!!!

Rachel SLAPS THE SHIT out of Finn and nobody so much as looks their way? Not even when she’s yelling at him in the middle of the halls? Ok RIB

“I haven’t been totally honest with you but that’s different from lying” Is it. Finn? Is it...?

Honestly, I can’t blame Rachel for leaving glee now. Me too sis.

Oh my god Sue’s taking down a glee flyer but puts it back up the second she sees Rachel... Priceless

Did Sue just... Technically give Rachel the position of arts administrator?

I love seeing all the glee kids in their cowboy digs. Kurt and Finn are nailing those hats. 

Sign #24 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He watches April literally KISS Puck and doesn’t immediately kick her out??? HELLO???

Sign #25 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Emma tells Will that April was 1) drunk driving and 2) nearly RAN! HER! OVER! In the parking lot! And he still lets her go on for a number! What the FUCK!

Netflix subtitles are describing Figgins as “EMCEE” but... We know who he is!

I don’t know my last name either, April... I really don’t.

I hate how genuinely into the cowboy outfits I am. They’re all so cute??? ESPECIALLY Quinn. And Kurt. And Brittany. Be still my pansexual heart

For a second I thought Finn was doing the royal wave, like wow, how much time have you spent with Kurt, my guy???

Oh, NOW Will’s stopping her? Yeah, you’re such a hero. Just about a week too late. 

April really breaks my heart here. For now, she’s a real sweetheart... “You won’t let what happened to me ever happen to any of them” OUCHIE...

Sign #26 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Once he’s done with April, he just completely gives up trying to help her at all

They’re all so cute, getting ready for the next act and bonding... Kurt’s doing Santana’s make up and she’s smiling at him, Quinn’s doing Finn’s tie, Tina and Mercedes are just giggling together... Pure.

At least Mr Schue has the decency to admit that he screwed up by bringing April into the club.

Rachel ex Machina!!!

“I realised being a star doesn’t make me feel as special as being your friend,” she says, before forgetting that lesson for several seasons

Why do they have a costume set aside for Rachel? They didn’t start planning this until after Rachel quit, I don’t think?

AMBER! SMASHING! THAT! NOTE!!!

Oh shit, Artie does play the guitar more than once. Look at him go! 

So, there’s an episode. April certainly isn’t my favourite guest star character, but Kristin Chenoweth does the absolute most. Always.