#almost immediately after the first sip but I just assumed it was an allergy thing.

[sourkitsch]

Kind of spent the morning trying not to kill myself and my friend went out and bought me Susan Sontag Illness as Metaphor so I could read it when I felt better. Got called into work so I literally cannot cry rn but oh boy do I feel like it.

[pies-writes-and-more]

allergic to you

Word Count: 3, 713

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x High School Age!Fem!Reader

Warnings: some swear words I guess, but as per usual, it’s just fluff from me. 

A/N: Guess who’s finally joined another fandom lol hello Haikyuu fandom! Pls be kind, it’s my first time writing for this fandom but I am in love with Karasuno boys, it’s problematic. Anyways, please let me know if you liked it! Sorry if I didn’t quite capture him the way other writers do haha. Also, Y/N = Your (Last) Name, just cause typing Y/L/N is exhausting lol my b

(Not my gif, credits to the original creator!)

Yamaguchi was trying his very hardest not to laugh, his hands clasped together in front of his lips to stifle his giggles as the tall blond boy he had known for years just looked at him desperately.

“It’s not funny,” Tsukishima’s lips formed into a frown (almost a pout), looking away from his friend nervously. His fingers played with some chopsticks, poking at his uneaten lunch.

Yamaguchi had never see Tsukishima Kei nervous. Volleyball games? Totally calm. Math class? Easy. Exam season? Piece of cake.

But put Tsukishima near a girl? No, scratch that. Not just any girl. Put Tsukishima near Y/N? It was all over for him. Suddenly, this 190cm tall boy wanted to shrink small enough to run away and not be noticed.

“It’s a little funny, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi insisted, finally letting out just a tiny chuckle that he just couldn’t hold back. “I think you’re overreacting. Just a bit.”

Tsukishima’s eyes turned back to the other boy, staring at him as if analyzing him, “How could I be overreacting? I’m telling you, I’m allergic!”

Yamaguchi was really trying his best to be supportive, knowing that talking about things was already hard for Tsukishima, especially when involving a particularly cute girl. “You think... you’re allergic... to Y/N,” Yamaguchi retorted slowly, repeating how Tsukishima started this convo with.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Tsukishima scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Obviously it’s some product she uses or something,” his nose scrunched up slightly as he tried to think of what it could possibly be. “Like that hand lotion she uses. The one that smells like vanilla and brown sugar,” Tsukishima proclaimed, nodding to himself like he had solved the mystery.

The green haired boy was still trying his best to be supportive. He nodded slowly, giving a forced smile to his best friend as he slowly spiralled into insanity. He had never seen Tsukishima this desperate for answers before. “Hasn’t she let you use some of that hand lotion?” He wondered aloud, remembering very specifically how red Tsukishima’s ears got when she rubbed a bit into a rash he had gotten on his hand.

“Gotta take good care of your hands if you play volleyball, Tsukishima-san!” Y/N had beamed, her fingers massaging the cream in.

Tsukishima had practically fainted that day, though he’d never admit it.

The blond’s frown tightened, holding his hand to his chin in thought, “Right. So not the hand lotion then.”

“Maybe she got a new perfume?” Yamaguchi offered, nibbling on some of his lunch while Tsukishima thought it out.

“No, she’s still using the same one,” He mumbled, and Yamaguchi smirked to himself, knowing that Tsukishima would’ve never admitted before that he knew little details like this about her. 

“Well. what kinds of symptoms do you have? Maybe that’ll narrow it down,” Yamaguchi suggested, leaning his head back on the wall behind them. It wasn’t unusual for Tsukishima to want to eat some place quiet, but today had been the first day that he had practically dragged Yamaguchi to this small secluded spot behind the school. The two of them sat against a wall to eat, though Tsukishima’s lunch had been completely forgotten.

“I just-” Tsukishima hesitated, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance as he tried to word how his body felt every time she was around. “I always feel so lightheaded. And my heartbeat’s always irregular too. Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe properly.” His hand slid into his jacket pocket, pulling out his phone and tilting the screen towards Yamaguchi to show him a medical diagnostic page on the web. “Some people say these are symptoms of allergies. Or an anxiety attack. But I’m leaning more towards allergies.”

Yamaguchi squinted at the text, “You... Googled it?” He asked, a playful smile on his lips, glancing up at Tsukishima, amused.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” Tsukishima scoffed, scrolling through the page. “I don’t know what else it could be. It’s not with anyone else. It can’t be the classroom either, cause when she’s not around, I don’t feel anything.”

“Hm. So what’re you going to do about it?” Yamaguchi asked, going along with this ‘allergic’ idea as much as he could. He knew Tsukishima was very rational and even if he suggested what he figured was happening, Tsukishima would never listen.

“D-Do?” Tsukishima blinked. He hadn’t thought about what the next step was.

“Well I assume you don’t want to keep feeling that like right? You could always ask the teacher to move you, I suppose. Then ask her not to attend any of our games. Avoiding her for the rest of your life seems like the best choice doesn’t it?” Yamaguchi asked innocently, closing up his lunch box and taking a sip from his juice.

Tsukishima stayed quiet, eyebrows still furrowed and the frown on his face tightening. He knew that made sense - one of the girls in their class was allergic to nuts and she always had to be careful what she ate, and he had even heard of some people not eating or drinking milk products because of allergies. The logical part of his brain agreed with Yamaguchi, perhaps staying away from Y/N was the only answer.

“Then... maybe it’s not an allergy,” Tsukishima mumbled quietly. He hated going back on his word but he couldn’t deny that he loathed the idea of not seeing Y/N’s smile ever again. Or seeing her sit with someone else. “Maybe it’s just something I have to get used to.”

“You know, Tsukishima,” Yamaguchi started again, looking off to the scenery that was in front of them. His voice was light and airy as he tried to coax his friend to the idea, “What you’re going through sounds a lot like-”

Tsukishima could hear it in his voice, he knew the next word forming from Yamaguchi’s lips before it even entered the air. He slammed his lunch box closed and stood up abruptly, turning away from the other boy’s eyes. “Lunch is over,” he grumbled, as if that was the reason he stood up so dramatically.

Yamaguchi smirked and packed up his things, shaking his head slowly when Tsukishima wasn’t looking. He wasn’t at all surprised that Tsukishima was having a hard time accepting his feelings.

The word hung in the very serious boy’s mind for the rest of the day. He tried not to focus so much on Y/N as he sat next to her for the rest of their classes, tried to not inhale too much or look in her general direction, in fear that his “allergy” would act up again.

He was almost positive it wasn’t... that. He would know for sure if it was, wouldn’t he? His nose scrunched slightly as he thought about the music he had listened to before, ones that had just a good melody and beat and he definitely didn’t listen to because of the lyrics since they were about... that thing.

Didn’t some people talk about their heart feeling like it was going to fall out of their chest? That they found it hard to breathe? That it was like all life stopped when they saw that person? And that despite all this, they never wanted to be without them?

Tsukishima had to get to the bottom of this. He was either experiencing some sort of allergic reaction to her or he was experiencing feelings. He thought about ignoring them, pretending like they didn’t exist so that maybe everything would go back to normal one day. But how long would that take? Wouldn’t it just be easier to rip off the bandaid and find out now?

At the end of class, Tsukishima zoomed his way out of class, not waiting for Yamaguchi like usual.

“Is he alright, Yamaguchi-san?” Y/N asked, surprised that the two best friends weren’t walking out together like they had every other day. Some days, they would even walk out with Y/N on their way to practice. But apparently, not today.

“He’s got a lot on his mind,” Yamaguchi explained, waving it away with a smile. Perhaps today he would be walking home by himself. And that was fine by him.

Y/N packed up her things and waved goodbye to her other classmates, heading out the door and slipping in her headphones. Her mind drifted to all the things she had to do when she got home, whether or not there were leftovers to heat up today or if she should cook something up.

“You take so long,” a drawl voice interrupted the very beginning of her first song. She blinked in surprise, looking to her right where Tsukishima was leaning against a tree.

Y/N pulled out one earbud, tilting her head as she watched him. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him do this casual, I-don’t-care-about-anything lean, with his headphones around his neck and his hands shoved in his pockets. But there was something different about him this time. Why was he avoiding her eyes? Why was he not giving her an annoyingly carefree smile? Why were his ears turning pink?

“Were you... waiting for me, Tsukishima-san?” Y/N asked slowly. He didn’t move for a moment, as if still calculating something in that big brain of his. He pushed off of the tree after sighing, walking over to her slowly.

“Obviously,” was all he said, glaring down at her as if she should’ve known this.

“You rushed out of class so quick, I thought you were already going home,” Y/N responded, still a bit confused. “Don’t you and Yamaguchi normally walk home together?”

Why did she have to question so much? Why couldn’t she just realize what he was trying to do? Tsukishima huffed and grabbed her hand, dropping a nice cool juice box in it. His eyes darted away from her next inquisitive look, but glanced back almost immediately because he wanted to see her eyes widen just a little at her favourite juice box.

“W-What is this?” Y/N asked, holding it in her hands. Part of her wanted to examine it to make sure he hadn’t somehow tricked her into holding something that wasn’t actually juice. She looked up at him suspiciously - Tsukishima knew her favourite juice?

“You didn’t have one with you today. I figured you forgot your wallet again today,” Tsukishima mumbled, shoving his hands in his jacket again.

“O-Oh. I did, thank you. Um,” Y/N hesitated. Was Tsukishima trying... to be nice? “Why... why did you buy it for me?”

“I just said why,” Tsukishima scoffed, flicking her head gently. He scolded himself internally, feeling guilty as soon as she showed the surprise on her face. She’s asking why you thought to be nice, Kei, stop being snarky, he told himself harshly. “Sorry,” he muttered quickly, feeling almost immediately bad for flicking her.

Y/N just laughed though, giggles spilling from her lips as she looked up at him, “Are you feeling okay, Tsukishima-san? You’re turning red,” she teased gently and he looked away from her quickly, hating how quickly his face heated up.

He took a breath, trying to mimic how calm he was on the court. He turned back to look at her with a cocky smile and confidence gaze, though he was sure she could tell he was nervous, “I’m fine, Y/N-san. But I need to tell you something. And I’m only going to say it once so listen up.”

Y/N watched him intently, noting the fake confidence he was trying to put on. She nodded as he looked at her for any sign to keep going.

His lips opened for a moment and Y/N could’ve sworn there was a moment of panic in his eyes when nothing came out. “I’m going to walk you home today,” Tsukishima stated finally, each word thudding into the air. He felt his confidence falter as the wrong words left his mouth, shifting his bag on his shoulder and starting to walk ahead.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed, feeling her confusion only rise. Did he really build up that whole thing... just to walk her home?

“Hurry up or I’ll leave you here,” Tsukishima called behind his shoulder, still walking ahead. He was internally punching himself, groaning and uttering insults at his own stupid self. Couldn’t even say it. Couldn’t just say Y/N I like you and I think I’m either allergic to you or I’m utterly in love with you but I’ve been told I suck at explaining how I feel and that I never say the right things at the right time so please just reject me so I can move away from these exhausting feelings.

“Want some?” Y/N’s gentle voice was suddenly beside him, and Tsukishima felt his stomach doing that flipping motion again. He glanced down at her and saw her holding up the juice box at him. “Seems only fair, since you bought it,” she explained, the glimmer in her eyes making him feel way too warm inside.

“Sure,” he mumbled after a moment. She smiled just a little bit wider, holding up the juice to him, expecting him to just snatch it away and drink. But no, Tsukishima being a little bitch and deciding that if he couldn’t admit anything with words, he could try with actions, leaned down slightly, and latched his lips onto the straw. His hand wrapped around hers over the juice box, holding it still as he took a sip.

Y/N felt like she was suddenly bright red, her heart possibly having exploded right then and there. His eyes looked up to meet hers as he sipped, smirking a bit as he noticed the panicked and flushed look in her eyes.

Maybe the feeling is... mutual?

“Mm,” he hummed, pulling away after keeping her gaze for a second. “I guess I can see why you like it.”

Y/N had shivers running up and down her spine, feeling like Tsukishima had looked into her very soul and knew about her year-long crush on him.

The two of them started walking a bit slower after that, and to the external eye, you’d probably just see two classmates walking home together. But look a little closer, and you’d see both of them having internal conflicts. They managed to walk through the small roads filled with shops and make it about halfway to Y/N’s house in complete silence. 

“Y/N-san,” Tsukishima finally ended it, the agonizing silence, in which he had been racking his brain trying to think of how to start a conversation. He stopped in his tracks as he spoke the one word, the two of them now on a quieter dirt path. There was no one to interrupt them, no one to save Tsukishima from embarrassment, no Yamaguchi to fill the awkward silence.

“Hm?” Y/N looked back at him, noticing him just standing there. “Are you alright, Tsukishima-san?”

“There’s something I need to say,” he started, his hands in his pockets clenched into fists.

“O-Oh okay.”

“I’ve been... feeling sick around you.” Baka, he scolded himself for what felt like the millionth time. That definitely wasn’t the way he had wanted to say it. “I-I mean, not like sick sick but like allergy sick,” he tried to recover, but scoffed at himself since that wasn’t all that much better.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed in response, trying to think about his reactions lately. He had definitely been more flushed lately, but she always thought that was annoyance. He’d been quieter and more distant, but it was Tsukishima after all. He looked over to her desperately, hoping to see that she was understanding what he was trying to say. She wasn’t. 

Tsukishima was starting to get frustrated. He knew he wasn’t the greatest at communicating but how hard was it to see how much he liked her? Yamaguchi saw it, hell, even his upperclassmen teased him about it when they first saw Tsukishima and Y/N walking out of class together one day. So why did other people who didn’t need to know it, why did they understand but she didn’t? Why was she so dense? 

You’re not saying anything, his mind reminded him as he scowled to himself.

“It has to be that,” Tsukishima finally continued quietly, his eyes now staring at his feet. He was practically trying to convince himself now. It had to be that there was a health related issue with him being around her. It had to be that, because if it wasn’t, it meant that Tsukishima had to tell her how he felt. And that meant that he was probably going to end up hurt. Why a girl like Y/N hung around a guy like him anyways was beyond him. 

“Why?” Y/N frowned, still terribly lost in the cosmos of this odd confession. “Why would it have to be that?”

“Because if it isn’t that, then it means that I’ve fallen completely head over heels for you.”

Tsukishima wasn’t sure how he had managed to say the words. But there it was. His fists tightened even more, his fingernails digging into his palm so hard it was starting to hurt. 

His eyes closed tightly, turning his head away from her. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to see laughter or disgust in her eyes. Maybe he could take it back now. Maybe he could-

Tsukishima jumped at the feeling of a poke on his chest, his eyes opening in surprise when he found Y/N standing much closer than she was earlier. “Are you teasing me?” She asked defensively, squinting her eyes up at him.

“T-Teasing?” Tsukishima stammered. He watched her eyes, noting how visibly upset she looked and he could feel his frustration rising. He had finally said what he had wanted to say this whole time... and she wasn’t even reacting the way she was supposed to. How stupid did she have to be? And why did she have to look so damn cute while doing it?

“Yamaguchi-san told you, didn’t he? I knew that poophead couldn’t keep his mouth shut,” she grumbled, crossing her arms against her chest. “He swore he wouldn’t tell you, but I should’ve known. You guys are best friends and all.”

“Told me... told me what?”

“That I’ve liked you practically since we met,” Y/N huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “Listen, Tsukishima-san, if you don’t like me back, you don’t have to tease me like this. I’m perfectly fine being rejected,” she told him with a pout on her lips (she was definitely not fine being rejected, and was planning on crying at home after this). “Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

Tsukishima‘s eyes widened, staring at her like she had grown a second head. “You... You like me?” He gulped. His allergies must be getting worse, his heart was thumping so hard against his chest, he couldn’t think straight.

Y/N and him shared a confused look for a moment, neither one of them sure who was teasing whom at this point. “Didn’t... didn’t you know? That’s why you’re being nice to me?” She asked him, poking his chest again. “Why else would you be walking me home and buying me juice?”

“Why would...” Tsukishima’s lips curled into a smile and suddenly he burst out into laughter, tilting his head back in amusement. 

“Why are you laughing?” Y/N whined, punching his arm lightly with a huff. “This isn’t a time to be laughing at me!”

Tsukishima straightened up with his signature cocky smile, shaking his head as he fixed his glasses on his face. Then, his hand moved to hit the top of her head.

“OW! Tsukishima-san!”

“You idiot. Why would I be standing here confessing to you if I was just going to make fun of you?” Tsukishima scoffed, smirking at her. “If I didn’t like you back and I found out you liked me, don’t you think I would’ve made it clear by now that you never stood a chance?”

Y/N thought about this for a moment, remembering that one time a girl in a different class had confessed to him after attending one of his matches.

“I think you’re incredible, Tsukishima-san! A-And I just.... well I just...”

“Are you trying to confess to me?” Tsukishima didn’t even bother looking up from his study book, finishing an equation before even glancing at her. “You should just give up now. I’m not interested.”

The girl had teared up so much, even Y/N had felt bad (even though she was secretly happy that Tsukishima hadn’t accepted the confession). Yamaguchi had yelled at Tsukishima about being gentle that day.

“Why would I be nice to someone stupid enough to think I’d like them? I didn’t give her any hints that I did, I don’t even know her,” Tsukishima grumbled.

Y/N had internalized those words, deciding she wouldn’t confess her feelings to Tsukishima ever. If she did, and Tsukishima rejected her, he probably wouldn’t want to be around her as friends ever again.

“So...” Y/N thought to herself for a moment, trying to reexamine what had happened today. “What was with the juice box then?” She asked him. 

“I thought...” Tsukishima frowned a little, looking up at the sky in thought. “I thought when you confess you were supposed to... give a gift or something.”

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle at his thought process and Tsukishima glared at her slightly. “You’re laughing at me now?”

She shook her head quickly, trying to stifle her giggles, “I just... I think it’s sweet,” she beamed, holding onto her little juice box even though it was empty now.

Tsukishima watched her carefully before smiling a little, patting her head gently, “Alright then, let’s get you home. I’ll bring another juice box for you for our date.”

“D-Date?” Y/N repeated shyly, following him as he started to walk again.

“You thought I’d just confess to you and not ask you out? Idiot,” Tsukishima smirked, feeling such an intense relief on his shoulders. His heart was still beating furiously and his stomach felt like it was going to come up his throat, but... it wasn’t as frustrating of a feeling now. 

After he dropped her off at her house with the promise of walking her to school tomorrow morning, Tsukishima couldn’t help but allow himself to smile widely the whole way home. 

If this is what an allergy felt like, he never wanted it to stop.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Okay like I mentioned up there in the Author’s Notes, this is my first time writing for Haikyuu so lmk what you thought :) I’ve written some stuff for OHSHC and I think it’s pretty obviously that tall jerks with glasses are my type lol 

Anyways! Enjoy!

[juniorgman187]

Never Enough (Spencer Reid Drabble)

Summary: Ever wondered what Garcia wrote on that sticky note in the series finale? Read here to find out. When Reader, the new technical analyst, feels out of place at a party, Penelope’s sticky note and Reid’s kind words do just the trick.

A/N: This is a comfort piece for me, someone very introverted who never seems to do well in social gatherings. So this is dedicated to anyone who’s ever felt like they didn’t belong. You are loved. Couple: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Category: Fluff, Drabble Content Warning: Fear of exclusion, loneliness Word Count: 2.4k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

All my life, all I’d ever wanted was to be a social butterfly. Their lives seemed so easy. People would naturally flock to them, what with their charisma, their confidence, their natural gift of being conversational.

I envied them for the sole reason that I was nothing like them, not in the slightest.

It wasn’t easy for me to keep a conversation going, even if I was trying my very hardest, which was often the case. I could never seem to commandeer the room in the way that someone extroverted could, and it was especially hard sometimes to feel a part of everyone.

It would be too easy to say I was invisible. Instead, I felt painfully visible, and entirely ignored.

Everyone could see my shyness peeking through, everyone could see how alienated I’d become, everyone could see my despondence, and yet no one bothered to change it.

No one cared.

My excruciating awkwardness had reached an all-time high at Krystall’s birthday party.

Agent Rossi was so keen on inviting me, and I was honored to go since it’d be my first bonding experience with the team outside of work. I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to grow closer to them, otherwise, I’d run the risk of isolating myself even more. As if being brought in as the BAU’s new technical analyst to replace Penelope Garcia wasn’t enough of a reason for them to doubt, despise, and disrespect me, I was the introvert who had a hard time making friends - unlike my predecessor, who’ve I heard could make friends like nobody’s business. I knew I could never fill her shoes, much less fill the glaring void she created when she left, but still, I maintained my bright-eyes in hopes that I’d be enough for them, anyway. I was all too eager to get to know everyone as more than just my coworkers, with one exception.

Dr. Reid maintained an arm’s length distance from me at all times, and at first, I understood. I even empathized with him.

Besides SSA Morgan and SSA Hotchner, the only other person that he’d work the longest with was Penelope, and now she was gone, too, but the longer his rejection of me lasted, the more I was curious what he truly had against me, and the more I was less interested in changing that. Why would I work tirelessly at mending this broken friendship, if he wasn’t willing to meet me halfway?

I was more shocked that he, of all people, would be the most displeased with my arrival. When Agent Rossi replaced Agent Gideon, from what I heard, the transition wasn’t as rocky as mine. Dr. Reid was overjoyed to be working with him and to discuss all his books. When Jordan Todd, and eventually Ashley Seaver, took Agent Jareau’s place momentarily, he was happy to be working with them. When Alex Blake and Kate Callahan came in after Emily Prentiss, he welcomed them with open arms. So what was it about me that was so abhorrent to him?

I never outright asked, mainly because I feared confrontation and I also had no way of knowing if my curiosity would make the situation worse or better. But I should’ve. I should’ve marched right up to him and asked, “What’s your problem?”

Somehow, though, I finally got up the courage to do so tonight.

I watched as the team laughed at one of Rossi’s anecdotes, meanwhile, the inside jokes flew over my head, hindering that bonding experience I was so sure I’d get by coming here. So I stepped inside the house, wandering into a spare room, knowing I wouldn’t be missed.

I thought I’d only be there for a moment to get some “fresh air” even though I’d actually migrated from the outside to the inside, where there’d arguably be less fresh air, but that’d be my excuse if anyone came in. But I was forced to stay longer in the office when it finally happened.

I finally reached my breaking point.

It was building up all night. It started when I first stepped into the house. My confidence faltered almost immediately when I accidentally stepped on Rossi’s Italian leather dress shoe as I went to greet him. He told me not to worry, but of course, I did just the opposite. It was a minor bump in the road, something so minute, but still, it weighed on me thinking about how embarrassing it was that I dirtied something of his that everyone recognized as valuable.

My shame didn’t stop there. As I was talking with Krystall, there were many periods of awkward silence that I couldn’t manage to fill with words, so we each sipped at our wine until one of us would try to pick up the conversation. What’s worse was that we each knew the silence was suffocating, and I could tell we were both thinking of things to say to keep the conversation going, and yet, nothing worth saying came to mind.

And worst of all was when Penelope Garcia finally arrived at the party. Don’t misunderstand me - it wasn’t the worst part of all because she was bad - no, she was lovely. She gave me a welcome present - a Beanie Baby to put on my desk, evocative of her own style of decor, and I loved her for it, which made me hate her all the more.

Rossi’s house livened up when she came. Everyone flocked to greet her, laughter erupted and ricocheted off Rossi’s high ceilings. They were positively elated by her presence, truly happy. Which was the first time I’d ever seen them that way because frankly, they were never that happy with me.

It was a painful reminder that I could never bring what she brought to the team, and I could never be as good as her. And the general consensus I reached, sitting in Rossi’s office all alone with my glass of wine, was the same one I’d known for years now - I’m not enough.

And I will never be enough.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until a tear cascaded down my cheek, dripping right under my nose, forcing me to audibly sniffle it away. Using the sleeve of my cardigan, I desperately tried to wipe away the tears faster than they were spilling out, but it just wasn’t possible. In fact, the coarse fabric of my cardigan rubbing against my cheeks only made them redder, making the fact that I was unwell that much more obvious.

The sound of the doorknob turning sent me into overdrive, automatically engaging me into turning around and facing the wall so that whoever was coming in wouldn’t find me in the state that I was in. I sniffled a great big sniffle and fanned my face to dry it of any moisture that my silent sobs could’ve left.

“Sorry, Rossi, I was just getting some fresh air and I thought I’d check out your book collectio-”

When I turned around, Rossi wasn’t standing there as I’d assumed.

In fact, the person standing there was the last person I thought it’d be.

“Dr. Reid?”

He was lingering in the doorway, studying my face, to which I instantly preventing from continuing on any further by cowering my head and looking away.

“What are you doing here?” My voice had taken a tone of anger that I didn’t anticipate to be there originally.

“Are you okay?”

To my surprise, his question seemed sincere, but I couldn’t truly believe it was.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just allergies from being outside for so long. The pollen and stuff, you know?” I rambled nervously.

“Oh, really? Are you allergic to the grass?” He asked in a joking manner, knowing I was lying but still asking so that he’d have the satisfaction of getting to see me try and work my way out of the situation.

“Yes, I am actually. The most common outdoor allergy triggers are trees, grass, weed pollen, mold spores, dust mites, cockroaches, and cat, dog, and rodent dander. Don’t you know this? After all, you’re the one with the IQ of 187 here, not me.” I tried to joke to lighten up the room’s heaviness, but clearly, it didn’t work.

By this time, I’d already turned back to face the wall, so Reid surely couldn’t see me, but I heard the door click shut behind me, and a wave of anxiety permeated my soul.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

I scoffed at his question, almost hitting him back with an “As if you care.” But I decided against it in an effort to preserve what little repose we had left between us.

“Will you please tell me what’s wrong?” He sounded like he was begging - like he was practically willing to go on his hands and knees to get me to answer, but all I could focus on was the feeling of his hot breath ghosting over my neck.

Goosebumps rose on my skins once he put his warm hand on my cold shoulder, which was bare from the absence of my cardigan and where it had slipped down to my elbow.

I flinched at the sensation, causing him to recoil.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He quickly apologized, regret filling his eyes. “Um, you look nice by the way. I like the way you did your hair. A-and your dress. It looks nice.”

Not even giving a chance to respond to his compliment, I asked again, “Why are you here?” Pressing him to get the point faster before I had a chance to react at another one of his physical advances.

“I saw you leave the backyard and I thought I should check on you.”

“Well, you’ve checked on me, so you can go back now.” I didn’t miss a beat when responding, fooling him into thinking that I didn’t catch his words and their intentions.

“I just want to talk.” He replied, finally answering my question from before.

“Okay. Let’s talk.”

He took a seat on a chaise lounge sofa while I stayed standing by the bookcase in preparation for a quick escape if need be.

“I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you away. That wasn’t fair of me.”

Although I hadn’t expected him to apologize, I wasn’t going to be misled and naively accept his apology with no reservations.

“Why did you do it? And for so long?”

“I was angry. I didn’t want another person in my life that I cared about to walk away, so I thought maybe if I made you feel unwelcome, you wouldn’t want to stay. And she’d come back.”

It hurt to say, but at least I knew he was being honest.

“I accept your apology, but it’s not okay.”

“I know that.”

“Okay, are we good now? We’ve talked, so,” My hand gestured toward the door, suggesting he should leave, but he didn’t comply.

“I’m not leaving.”

“And why not?” The wine glass in my hand nearly shattered at the way my hand wrapped around it since its presence hindered me from being able to actually clench my fists.

“I didn’t come here to apologize, even though I should’ve sooner. But I came here because I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Like you care.” I chuckled mirthlessly.

“I do care.”

I gave in, not wanting to fight him any longer, otherwise, I might cry some more from the altercation.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” He shook his head. “I know you’re not fine. What’s really wrong, Y/N?”

I looked away immediately from his gaze, trying to hide the sheen that was inevitably coating my eyes from the presence of tears, but he would’ve known I was crying the minute I used the cuff of my cardigan to wipe under my nose again.

“I just . . . I feel so unconnected,” I whispered, the pain of my words stealing my volume. “I don’t fit in. And I’ve never fit in before, but I actually thought this might be my chance.”

“It still is. Just come back outside.”

“You don’t get it!”

“What don’t I get?”

“I just needed to take a moment to compose myself so I wouldn’t ruin the energy of the room. And I’d really like to do that alone, okay?”

“I know you don’t want me to go.”

“What?”

“You’re testing me to see if I’ll stay.”

“No, I’m not.”

“So you’re saying that if I left right now, you wouldn’t regret letting me walk away?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“I know you’re lying to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are. I know what it looks like when you lie. Wanna know how I know?”

I entertained his question out of pure frustration “How?”

“Because I pay attention to you. I see your mannerisms. I notice everything. Do you think I haven’t picked up on how you crack your knuckles when you’re nervous? Or how your stutter goes away when you talk about technology? Or how your fists clench, like how you’re doing right now?”

My eyes flickered to my fist that was wrapped so tightly around the glass, my knuckles were white. Out of shame, I loosened my grip.

“I pay attention because I care. And I’m sorry that I made you ever believe that I didn’t. What you do, and say, and think - it’s important. So no, I’m not leaving. I’m staying right here to give you the attention you deserve.” He sighed with a breath of relief. “I care more about you than whatever’s happening out there.”

And slowly, then all at once, that barrier between us broke down.

“I care about you. We all do. And when you’re ready, we can walk back out there together so that you can see for yourself just how much we care.”

. . . That night, I made nine more friends.

And the day we came back to work, with my Beanie Baby in hand, I rearranged my desk.

A folded up sticky note fell out from between two tables. I picked it up, recognizing the handwriting instantly.

Penelope Garcia.

Even when the laughter always seems to come from the other room and the world seems busy as it carries on without you, may you know this to be true. No matter who or what made you feel invisible, unworthy, unloved, or unseen, in this ever-moving world, there is still a place for you. And you are exactly in the place where you are meant to be.

✧･ﾟ: *���･ﾟ:*

quote by morgan harper nichols

[whumphoarder]

Face God and Walk Backwards Into Hell

Summary: Peter is lactose intolerant—and arguably masochistic—and this somehow becomes Tony’s personal cross to bear.

(In the same universe as Spider-Man’s Very Mundane Kryptonite, but the stories can be read independently) 

Word count: 1,763

Genre: Fluffy illness, humor, sickfic

Link to read on A03

After initially finding out that the kid was lactose intolerant, Tony started doing everything in his power to help Peter avoid dairy. He stocked three kinds of plant-based milks at the compound—soy, almond, and cashew. If he was ordering pizza for team training nights, he would always make sure to have non-dairy pasta and salad options on the side. Chips and pretzels were served with hummus or bean dips rather than sour cream based ones, and Tony even tried out a vegan cheese version of his mother’s beloved lasagna recipe.

All these precautions would have likely been very effective, if only Peter wasn’t such a little shit.

At first, Tony assumed the kid just made a mistake. That was what he figured when he shuffled into the kitchen at one a.m. on a training weekend to discover the teenager standing with his back to the entrance, rifling through his cabinets.

Tony stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest in amusement. “Looking for something?”

Peter startled and spun around, eyes wide. “Whoa, what are you doing up, Mr. Stark?”

“Insomnia’s a bitch,” Tony scoffed. “But I could ask the same about you. Shouldn’t you be wiped from your training session with Cap earlier?”

Peter’s stomach growled loudly in response, causing his unusually pale cheeks to flush slightly.

Tony raised his eyebrows. “Are you hungry? If you need a snack, try the fridge.”

With a small groan, Peter snaked an arm around his middle. “Uh, no thanks,” he said with a grimace. “I’m not feeling so great, actually.”

“Stomach ache?” Tony guessed.

Peter looked embarrassed, but nodded anyway. “I didn’t mean to bother you, I just was seeing if you had anything down here I could take for it.”

“You mean like Pepto, or…?” Tony asked with a frown.

Peter shook his head. “That doesn’t usually work very well. May has these like, enzyme pill things that sometimes help...?” he said hopefully.

Tony quirked his head in thought. “Pepper might have something,” he mused. “She’s fully on the herbal supplement bandwagon.” He crossed the kitchen over to a drawer next to the fridge and opened it to reveal a few dozen small bottles.

With some assistance from FRIDAY, he quickly identified the most-likely-to-be-helpful candidate—some kind of natural probiotic—and dosed out two pills for the kid.

“Thanks,” Peter muttered before knocking them back with some water. “Ugh. I’m never eating ice cream again,” he moaned.

Tony’s forehead wrinkled up in confusion. “When did you get ice cream?”

Peter gave him a pained smile. “Uh… after training? Clint took me out—he said someone should celebrate the fact that I laid out Cap twice.”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Tony said with a huff. “Which is why I served everyone those vegan eclairs that I special ordered because, you know”—he shot Peter a pointed look—“they don’t have dairy.”

“He, uh, he said someone should celebrate it with a real dessert,” Peter mumbled.

“I’m hurt, Pete,” Tony mocked.

Peter’s gaze dropped to his feet. “If it makes you feel any better, I got Stark Raving Hazelnut.”

“Why would it make me feel better to have my name attached to your gastrointestinal distress?” Tony asked sarcastically.

Peter huffed out a quick laugh. “Sorry.” Suddenly he winced and pressed a hand to his stomach. “Ah. Cramp.”

“It’s alright, kid,” Tony scoffed. “I think you’re being punished enough.”

X

At the next Avengers team dinner, Tony stood in the buffet line behind Peter, watching in horror as the teenager covered his pasta in Alfredo sauce. “What the hell, Peter. I got the marinara one especially for you.”

“I had some of that already and it was great, Mr. Stark!” Peter said earnestly. “It’s just been like, forever since I had actual alfredo sauce.”

Tony blinked at him. “Right...” he said slowly “...That would be because you’re allergic to it.”

“Technically it’s not an allergy,” Peter argued, sprinkling parmesan on top of his Fettuccine Alfredo. “An allergy would require an autoimmune response. We learned that in freshman year bio.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Fine, intolerance, whatever. You’re still gonna get sick.”

“I’ll be fine if I only have a little bit.”

X

A mere thirty minutes later, Tony was having déjà vu.

“Peter, I swear to God…” he began.

Peter gave him a sheepish grin. “Okay, I know what you’re gonna say, but—”

Tony spread his arms out dramatically. “There is literally half the dessert table here full of things you can eat, and yet you pick the cheesecake? Why?” he demanded.

Peter gave him an incredulous look. “Because it’s cheesecake, Mr. Stark,” he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Tony scoffed, “Yeah, key word there, cheese.”

Peter gazed longingly at the towering fluffy white dessert balanced on the serving spatula in his hand. “But it’s so good.”

Tony ran an exasperated hand over his face. “Kid, think this through. I’m begging you.”

Peter let out a resigned sigh as he let the piece of cheesecake tip onto his waiting plate. “I have. I’m sorry.”

Tony raised his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, it’s your funeral. But I don’t wanna hear about it later.”

“You won’t—I promise,” Peter assured. He picked up a fork, and, making eye-contact with Tony the whole time, brought a bite to his lips. “But I gotta do it, Mr. Stark.”

X

A few hours after dinner, Tony spied Peter emerging from the restroom, pale and sweating, arms wrapped around his obviously cramping stomach.

“Uuugh Mr. Staark…” Peter whined upon seeing his mentor. He was making a pouting face, but the tiniest hint of a smile playing at his lips. “My tummy huurrts...”

“I’m sure it does, kid.” With a snort of amusement, Tony held out a bottle of water to the teen, who took it gratefully. “Was it at least worth it?”

Peter thought for a moment as he sipped the water. “Almost,” he finally decided. He hummed to himself. “Now if the cheesecake had had whipped cream on it…”

Tony let out a long sigh. “Why? Why do you do this to yourself?” he implored.

Peter locked eyes with his mentor. “Mr. Stark,” he said solemnly, “some nights you just gotta face God and walk backwards into Hell.”

“NO YOU FUCKING DON’T, PETER!”

X

Tony was just finishing some updates on DUM-E when FRIDAY alerted him to the fact that Thor was urgently approaching the workshop doors. Given he wasn’t a usual visitor, Tony looked up curiously.

“Stark, you must come quickly!” Thor’s voice boomed. “The Falcon and young Man of Spiders seem to have ingested some kind of poison.”

Tony’s heart dropped. “What?” Peter and Sam had been poisoned? “How?” he asked sharply. He dropped his tools on the workbench and immediately hurried toward the door. “What kind of poison?”

“I am not certain,” Thor replied. The two men strode quickly down the corridor. “But it appears only to affect mortal men as I myself have consumed the same beverage and yet I remain unscathed.”

“Did you call in a med team?” Tony demanded.

“A healer?” Thor questioned. “Nay, but Banner had arrived just as I left to seek you.”

Tony instantly breathed out a sigh of relief. Sure, Bruce may not be an actual medical doctor, but his seven PhDs are certainly worth something. “Okay, good. What symptoms are we talking about here? When did this start?”

“It came on about an hour after consuming the beverage. They both appear to be in a fair amount of pain, and their bodies seem to be working to expel the contaminant,” Thor reported. “There is a foul odor about them as well, as though something inside is dying.”

“Jesus…” Tony swore, breaking into a jog for the rest of the way to the common area.

When he arrived, the scene wasn’t quite the picture of imminent peril that Thor had painted for him. On one couch, Sam was laying flat on his back, one arm hugging a pillow to his stomach while the other arm was extended upward so that his forearm rested over his eyes. On the couch next to him, Peter was half sprawled out, half propped up against the cushions so he could sip from a can of Sprite. He looked a little green.

Bruce, looking calm as ever, was lining a small trash can next to Peter with a fresh plastic bag.

“What’s going on here?” Tony demanded, stepping into the room. “Thor tells me they’ve been poisoned.”

Bruce let out a quick snort of laughter. “You could say that. Self-inflicted, but sure.”

“Excuse me?” Tony raised his eyebrows.

“Mr. Staaark…” Peter moaned from the sofa. “Did you know there’s no such thing as a milkshake on Asgard?”

Tony just blinked at him.

“I mean, imagine going your whole life without ever tasting a milkshake,” Peter went on, his tone just bordering on a whine.

“That’s just not right, man,” Sam groaned in agreement.

Tony glanced at the three, large, empty tumblers on the table nearby, their insides coated in what appeared to be milkshake residue. He looked back over his shoulder to the kitchen area and spied a blender sitting out on the counter.

“I can’t believe I’m seeing this,” Tony deadpanned. He shot Sam a glare. “And now you too?” he accused.

“Blame genetics,” Sam grumbled. “Did you know seventy-four percent of African Americans are lactose intolerant?”

“Rhodey isn’t,” Tony quipped back.

“Well hooray for Rhodey then,” Sam muttered irritably into his arm. “Lucky bastard.”

“I do not understand,” Thor spoke up, frowning in confusion. “Have these men been poisoned or not?”

“Yes,” Peter groaned, clutching his stomach.

Tony rolled his eyes at the dramatic kid. “It’s… complicated,” he replied to Thor. “They’ll live, and with any luck, they’ll be deterred from future idiotic behavior for about a week. Or five days if I order pizza on Friday.”

“This was about justice for the Prince of Asgard,” Peter mumbled. “We die like men.”

“Men with tummy aches,” Tony pointed out.

Eyes still covered by his arm, Sam held up his middle finger. “We die like lactose intolerant men,” he amended.

With a hum of agreement, Peter promptly leaned over and vomited into the trash can.

As Bruce moved in to rub Peter’s back while he heaved, and Sam got up to make another trip to the bathroom, Tony threw his hands up in the air and turned on his heels.

“That’s it,” he muttered as he walked out. “I have officially given up.

Read Part 3 of the Lactose Intolerant Peter series

Fic Masterlist

[modern-and-married-jeffmads]

A Couple Sips (Jeffmads)

Here’s some more Hamilton DJ au and all that jazzy jazz. I’m diving deeper into the au and I hope you like the drabble.

Word count: 2190 Warnings: alcohol usage (if that counts), vomit (for a small fraction)

James had always preferred to stay in the shadows when it came to being involved with Thomas’ performances. He didn’t mind being around when the building was mostly empty and he was there to help set everything up. Once the crowds started pouring in though, that’s when he said his goodbyes and returned back to his dorm room to relax. Time and time again, Jefferson would invite his best friend to join him behind the screens and turntables. Thomas wanted nothing more than to show off Madison’s skills with music, but Madison just wasn’t the type of person to really enjoy loud crowds. James had always been introverted and kept to himself, while Thomas remained the life of the party wherever he went. He would even find some way to steal the spotlight from Hamilton at his own parties, which usually lead to an argument. James was there to keep everything leveled out and he was there to make sure everything was working. He wanted to help his best friend as much as he could and also saw it as a chance to gain some experience towards his degree.

Spring break was around the corner and that meant a serious spike in the number of parties that would be hosted and they were hosted any time, any day during the break.  If somebody hasn’t seen Jefferson perform before or had a sip alcohol in their life, now would have been the time for that to happen. Even though James knew Thomas for a long time as they shared their dorm, food, gone to a few small parties, and hung out on the streets here and there, James never touched a sip of alcohol. James had always been the designated driver when it came to his friends and colleagues. Aaron Burr has taken more shots than James, which amazed a lot of people, including Jefferson.

Thomas never really asked why James didn’t drink and he never really focused on the subject too much. James was very careful with everything he drank and ate, just to be on the safe side since his childhood was full of trips to the emergency room for severe food allergies. Though he never had a shot or a glass or a can, he stayed away from the booze. There was one incident though, that changed and engraved in stone James’ relationship with alcohol.

It was a Saturday night and Jefferson was hosting a rented out stadium so that everybody and their mother from three cities over could come and dance the night away. Thomas brought James along because he wanted to ensure everything was in order for tonight since it was his first stadium run. Every speaker had to emit the clearest sounds, the lights had to sync with the controls with no delays, all the songs had to work and show they weren’t corrupted, and the mic had to be loud enough to hear Jefferson’s voice from every angle. James was Thomas’ right-hand man and technician and if everything got the okay to him, then Thomas woukd moved forward. If not, some middleman was on the phone trying to get bigger issues fixed, and James worked his magic to get out the tiny, but important, kinks. Since there was a lot more ground and tech to cover, James found himself working and walking around a majority of the stadium. Once he finally made it back around to center stage where Thomas was getting his gear on, James was more tired than normal. Thomas noticed it as the smaller man let out short breathes.

“Jemmy, if you’re tired, why don’t you just stick around here with me for the night so you don’t have to go back to the dorm and then come back later?”, Thomas asked while hugging and thanking his friend for his hard work.

“I’m fine Thomas, I just need to take a small break”, James said grabbing a water from the cooler nearby and taking a sip.

“Please Jemmy. Could you stay with me? This is my first stadium performance and I want you to be there. You don’t even have to do anything and you can even put on your headphones to help block out the noise.”, Thomas pleads as he grabbed his partners hands.

James saw that Thomas really wanted him to stay and be there and he couldn’t say no to those glistening brown eyes.

James nodded, “Alright, I’ll stay, but only for you Thomas”.

James was met with a tight hug by his larger roommate. A smirk formed on his face, “Now this will definitely be a real party with AfterMadd here”, Thomas said chuckling.

James rolled his eyes as he placed his book bag behind the bench. They could hear the roar of crowds coming through the many corridors of the stadium and not too long after, the stadium was packed. Almost other person had some kind of drink in their hand as the head-banged and danced to the music. The large waves of energy filled the night as the moon amplified the colors of the glow in the dark bracelets and headbands. There was no such thing as personal space during the rave, but somehow, James still managed to keep his distance from most of the people. He sat next to Jefferson, who towered over his instruments, rocking his body to the beat of the music and the crowds around him. Since James was on the shorter side, he was able to stay pretty hidden behind everything, but Thomas glanced at him every once in a while to make sure everything was okay. Thomas, too, had a couple shots laid across his station, but nothing too mind altering that debilitated him from crafting various masterpieces.

A couple of people on the sideline noticed James who was mostly sitting there, nodding his head every once in a while to the beat. One of the females thought he was cute and decided to bring him one of those stereotypical red cups with a dark brown liquid. James wanted to say no but decided to be polite and take the cup with no intention of consuming any of the contents. Jefferson noticed the handoff and during quick intermission, he spoke to James about it.

“Do you know who she was?”, Thomas asked taking a hold of the cup.

“No Thomas, she came out of nowhere and offered me a drink. I took it to not seem rude and to get her to go.”, James replied looking around at the various faces.

Thomas examined the inside of the cup before taking a sip. “It’s just rum and root beer. It’s not a bad mix really. You should try it, Jemmy.”

“I’ll pass, thank you.” James sternly said as he held his hand up declining.

“Aw, come on James, the night is going great, everything is working fine, and I feel you could use this. It could help loosen you up and get your shoulders rollin’”, Thomas said lightly wiggling the cup in his hand.

James shook his head, determined to keep the cup away.

Jefferson furrowed his eyes brows at his friend's stubbornness, but a smirk came over him. He took another swallow from the cup before saying, "Well I guess you don’t want to give it a try. You’re missing out on this sweet vanilla root beer concoction. It’s like a root beer float minus the cold mess of the ice cream.”

James sat there for a moment as he let his friend’s statement sink in. He knew there was rum in the drink, but he was a sucker for any kind of sweets whether it be a food or drink. He took into the account how Thomas has already downed almost half the cup, so it was not like he was drinking a ton. He decided since he took the bold move to stay for the party, that he’d take another bold one.

He grabbed the cup from Jefferson’s hand and swirled the drink around, staring deeply into it as he put a lot of thought into his actions. Thomas reassured him that he was there for him in case something were to happen and he trusted Thomas since he had a high tolerance. James took a deep breath before taking a sip. His lips immediately pucker as he felt the contents go down. Jefferson sat there, reading his friend’s face, but soon learning that he enjoyed it as James relaxed and took another sip. Jefferson smiled as he put his headphones back on and started up the music again. As the night went forth, different people would come and bring various drinks and shots that James decided to explore. He really enjoyed the Jell-O shots and consumed three of them. As he drank away, his body felt fine at first with a slight buzz, but he assumed it was normal. Soon he felt his body become slightly heavier and limp as his head began to swim. Thomas didn��t even notice that James got up and staggered his way through the crowd to the bathroom. James left Thomas a text though to tell him where he was at. Jefferson noticed the light blinking on his phone and checked the message. He looked and nodded feeling James would be back in no time and gave the message no mind. He continued to work his magic all night long until the sun began to rise in the sky.

The crowd was finally draining from the stadium leaving behind piles of trash and clothing that the maintenance workers began to clean up. Jefferson sat down in a nearby chair, exhausted from the party and was ready to go home and not wake up for the next week. The tired Virginian looked over at the empty stage and saw no James around. He groggily called out his friend’s name, but with no response. Thomas sat there and thought about where he could have gone until he looked back through his phone and reread the message from last night. His eyes widened as he immediately jumped from the seat.

He bounced off stage and began running around checking every bathroom he could find until he heard a small groan come out of one near the back exit of the stadium. His heart was racing as he slowly went into the bathroom to find James on the floor laying next to the toilet. Jefferson knew something was immediately wrong since James would never come close to using a bathroom in this condition. He checked the surroundings a saw the toilet was nearly flooded from vomit, presumably James’ since it was a one stall bathroom. Thomas slowly picked the small man up, who let out a painful groan as he held his stomach. Thomas took a good guess at what had happened and immediately got into their car and headed back to the dorms.

Once inside with his friend close to his chest, he took him to the bathroom. Thomas removed the soiled clothing and placed James in the tub as he ran some warm water. As Thomas cleaned off his friend’s face, James came to and slowly fluttered his eyes opened. He looked around as he held his head due to a hammering headache. His face turned bright red as he realized he was naked and Thomas was bathing him like a child. Though he was embarrassed, Thomas’ touch was gentle and delicate like he was touching a flower. He liked it.

“James, I’m sorry about all this. I shouldn’t have made you try anything if I knew this would happen. I was so scared something happened when I couldn’t find you, but I’m glad I did.”, Thomas said looking down at the water. “You don’t have to come to any more outings if you don’t want to and I completely understand.”

James held on to his friend’s hands and planted a small kiss on his nose. “Even though the night...morning....whatever, ended like this, I’m glad I got see you have fun with what you do”.

Thomas let out a sigh of relief, glad his best friend wasn’t upset at him and gave him a light hug.

James hugged him back as he whispered, “but I’m just never going to drink anything again”.

Thomas chuckled, “Agreed”.

James let Thomas finish bathing him off before helping him out, got dressed in some clean comfortable clothing, and helped him into the bed. Jefferson took a quick shower himself before putting on some jogging pants and bringing James some water, headache meds, and some soup to help settle his head and stomach. James lightly smiled as he grabbed his phone and began playing some low bluegrass.

“Let’s just have our own quiet after-party here”, James said scooting over on his bed.

Thomas warmly smiled before sitting next to James under the blanket.

Thomas took some medicine before leaning his head on James’ shoulder. “I could get used to this down time”.

James nodded and both soon nodded off.

Thomas locked the door so nobody could disturb the two men as the slept in for the whole day.

[queermequeeryou]

Chapter 5 

Jermaine went out of the shower and quickly put on one of the fresh t-shirts he found in his wardrobe without much consideration. He was thinking about his ex-stepmother again. He was worried about her because he knew about Ellen’s previous addiction to casino games and he did not know her whereabouts since she divorced with his father. It was hard for him because at once he lost his biggest opponent but at the same time he completely lost any contact with her. Jermaine was trying effortlessly not to call her because he knew they had nothing in common now and if she was not interested in staying in touch with him, he should not indulge himself and put any pressure on her. There was never any sign from Ellen that she mind be treating him any different than son-a-like. At the same time, since Jermaine has found out that the reason why the divorce occurred was his father’s dishonesty, he immediately started to consider Womack in a different way. For what it’s worth, his only son was never a type that worshipped his father or found him a role model of a kind but this event changed a lot between them. They never spoke about that, though. Jermaine was aiming to spend as little time as possible in the mansion because he preferred to avoid Womack. He was also considering seriously if he should move out and start to live on his own. The state of his relationship with Carmen was not very stable again so these plans were not very much promising in this case but his father did not know it so Jermaine had a perfect reason to use while having a conversation with him. Whatever happened, Jermaine was sure that he does not want to burn the bridges. His telephone vibrated and rang. It was a message from Carmen. “Netflix and sushi tonight?”  He smiled a little. He liked her but his affection to Ellen was a wall between them. The knock on the door surprised him because it was Womack. He was never a type of person that comes to say “hi” or ask about things. They were always living very separately except the times when they met in the kitchen or agreed to have a lunch together downtown. Jermaine obviously let his father know he can come in. It was his house after all. “Hi, son. Busy day on the horizon, huh?” he started fixing his jacket and smiling cordially.  “Kinda. Photoshoot for GQ and training at 5.” replied Jermaine without much details. “Are you considering to be home in the evening?” “Why?” “Well, I want to meet with a buddy, you know have a drink and relax a tiny bit. I was thinking if you maybe could have an eye on Delia and Elio tonight or should I reschedule the nanny.” said Womack and surprised his oldest kid. He was never and outdoor type. They were rarely going out when he was with Ellen, after the divorce, he was always at home after work and spending time with kids. Obviously, he was using the nanny’s help day by day but in the evenings he was a perfect dad. Jermaine did not have any objections, besides Carmen loved kids so it was a quite good idea. “Carmen is coming by for movies tonight but I think we can involve youngsters somehow. I’ll be home at 8.” replied Jermaine and smiled back to his father for the first time in a long while. “Perfect, son. I’m leaving to the headquarters. Have a good day.” Womack wanted to hug him or do a handshake or something similar but he just look at Jermaine carefully and left with a smile.  It occurred to his son that maybe there was a date, not a buddy meeting but at this point, it seemed to him that there is no point in analysing the case. The relationship of Womack and Ellen was all water under the bridge now and despite the fact that Jermaine hated his father for hurting her, he was happy that there is no chance for them to get back together so even if it was a date, he could not care less. 

It was all a great idea. They were eating sushi, watching some cartoon with the kids and it was a really bonding experience. Carmen loved his siblings and it seemed like she will be a perfect mother herself one day. Delia and Elio were also enjoying time with their brother and his girlfriend but it was unknown if it was more about the companionship or sweets she brought for them. It was quite late at night when the kids fell asleep on the couch. Carmen put blanket on their backs. “You’re so caring and loving for them” smiled Jermaine and kissed his girlfriend tenderly.  “I have always wanted kids” she smiled back and immediately felt alerted. “What’s going on?” asked Jermaine looking at his girlfriend’s facial expression changing in a second. “Look, Delia has a hot forehead and she is sweating” she let her boyfriend to check it and he realised same thing. Jermaine brought a thermometer and they checked the temperature. It was very high. Carmen started panicking.  “I don’t know how to deal with ill children. I don’t... Please, call somebody, please, oh my god!” she was very nervous. Jermaine picked his father’s number but he switched off his phone. “Shit” he said and explained it to Carmen. “Ok, we have to call Ellen”. Carmen did not say a thing against it even considering the fact that she hated her boyfriend’s ex-stepmother because he knew about his infatuation and was very jealous most of the time. But this situation was different, the kid was more important than her objections.  “Hi, Ellen. I’m sorry to bother you but I didn’t know who to contact. Father is out and he switched off his phone. I’m home alone with Carmen and kids. Delia has a high fever. We are not sure what to do.” he was very concerned. “Oh my god, of course I can. I am jumping into my car and I’ll be there in a minute.” As she promised, she arrived to the mansion very quickly. Jermaine has not seen her in a long while and the sight of her has made him feel fuzzy all again. She missed her a lot. First, she checked on Delia and gave her the meds. Then, she greeted with the rest. They hugged like the old times. She said “hi” to Carmen and they exchanged polite handshakes, Ellen also rubbed her arm politely and then. She put Delia in her bed and rolled over her shirt to put a rub cream on her chest but she realised something strange. She had a strong allergy, entire chest was almost red and it had some cuttings. She was completely threatened. She called Jermaine. “Have you seen that” she asked but her stepson had no idea about that and how it has happened. Delia has always had lots of skin allergies so that was probably why she had a fever but it seemed like this was not a completely natural thing. She checked her temperature and it went lower so she decided to let her sleep a while. “I will sit with her a bit. I think somebody should talk to her in the morning and if this won’t fade away, we should to the doctor with her.” “Sure. Have you ever seen something like that on her skin. I mean, she has allergies, right?”  Ellen shaken her head.  “Yes, but never like that. It looks like somebody cut her.” she looked at Jermaine suggestively but she did not want to assume it was Womack. It seemed too ridiculous.  “But you know, it’s very unexpected with this illness. I just hope it’s nothing serious.” she was sitting on the bedside and she realised Jermaine took her hand and held it for a while.  It surprisingly felt fine. She did not fight it. Carmen went to the toilet a while ago. At the beginning she was not caring because it was about the kid but now she, became annoyed by Ellen’s presence. It was too much and the child was better. She could just leave them alone. Carmen looked at her face in the mirror. She was always to be the second. She fixed her make-up and got back to the room. “Baby, I am going home. I also don’t feel way today” “Are you alright?” Jermaine stood up and came closer to his girlfriend with a caring voice. “It’s just a stomach ache. I probably ate too much sushi. I will drink some water, have a shower and a good night sleep. I will call you in the morning.” she said and pampered his checked briefly. “Okay, I’ll follow you to the door” she looked towards Ellen and she nodded. “Waiting for a call already” said Jermaine by the door and kissed Carmen. She kissed him back but hesitated for a second and did not finish the next kiss. “Wait then” she winked to him and got out to the taxi. Jermaine came back to the room were Ellen was sitting with Delia.  “Would you like something to drink?” he asked her. “Do you have whiskey?” Jermaine was surprised with her question but he went to the kitchen to prepare it. She came in a second and sat by the counter. The light in the room was very tender and when Ellen moved her legs to sit on the high stool it made Jermaine’s heart beat strong for a moment. He finished the drink and got it to the living room. He wanted to sit with Ellen on the sofa but it was a bad idea. When they sat so close and this dress showing so much, he felt he is getting really hard. He was trying desperately to hide it. “So, how is life now? I was worried about you” he admitted finally. “Really? You know, you could call me. We’re still a family somehow”. she smiled making him go mad. “I didn’t know if you want to stay in touch with me.” “Jermaine, my children are your siblings and besides you’re a great guy. How could I not want.” she put her hand on his arm abruptly.  They had few drinks and talked a lot. They also laughed a bit. Ellen checked twice on Delia and her temperature was lower each time. She relaxed a bit. When Jermaine stood up to bring the next drink, she realised something was not proper. They stopped laughing. “I’m sorry” he mumbled and turned his back to go to the kitchen.  He felt embarrassed she realised. They were quiet. He brought the next drink. She took a huge sip.  “It’s not an accident, isn’t it?” “I am crazy for you since I can remember, I’m sorry”. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t call me for all this time because you wanted to be fair. I appreciate it but I don’t care about this all pleasantries anymore, you know” she came closer to him feeling that everything is shaking because of the alcohol.  She unzipped his pants and he was feeling like he is going to blow immediately but he waited. She took it in her mouth and licked it. The entire thing did not last a long time because he finished after few minutes with a hard moan. She swallowed everything and wiped her lips with the tissue.  “I hope it was satisfying after all because I’m a lesbian and besides the fact you’re a great guy and I like you a lot, I can’t do more for you. And for the record, you’re the only man I did it to” she said strangely to Jermaine who was trying to put his breath back on track.  “It was hilarious. You’re better than Carmen.” he said but she gave him a cheek for that. “You can’t mention her now, be polite. It’s your girlfriend and she’s great. You’re lucky you have her”. she said now with more polite manner. “For what it’s worth you tasted good, Jermaine. Whatever it means for a lesbian”.  He went to the toilet for a moment and got back to the living room where Ellen fell asleep on the huge armchair. He put a blanket on her, checked on Delia who seemed to be fever-free now and got back to the living room where he laid on the sofa, jerked off looking at Ellen and faded into sleep after the last drink. She was perfect but he could not understand how could she be gay for all this time.