#anyway my friends are nice even when they dont understand 👍

[sourkitsch]

Kind of spent the morning trying not to kill myself and my friend went out and bought me Susan Sontag Illness as Metaphor so I could read it when I felt better. Got called into work so I literally cannot cry rn but oh boy do I feel like it.

[leavingsunsets]

hello!

I would like to request hcs (if that's fine with you, because I saw you're more on the fics side :3) for Kinro (bro deserves more love), Sai and Ryusui with a very emotional and empathetic reader, who tries to mask it by acting all cool and unbothered, but it doesn't always work well. I prefer it to be on the more romantic side, but I don't mind the platonic one! It can be either female or gender neutral reader. I will rely on your intuition and creativity.

I hope I explained everything quite sensibly and understandably. ._.

Have a wonderful day!

Ohh my gosh hello hello! I don't mind hcs as well, since i lovw these characters so much like mwah mwah mwah (AHEM AHEM magic man COUGHCOUCGHFOUCGH) but anyways im doing gn reader so lots more ppl can enjoy tehee. here it is !!

"𝙋𝙤𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙣."

[gn!reader]

𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙧𝙤

Tbh i feel like Kinro is KINDAAA similar in the same sense?? like, all cool n stuff but hes actlly a real sweetie sometimes mwah mwah mwah. also ur right he deserves more love hes literally just a loveable guy

At first i think hed be surprised, like, all, "woah, uh, you good"

but then, i think among the three, isnt that fazed. hes around ginro almost 24/7 cmon.

but once he gets used to you he just stares when you get all cool and so indifferent then he goes "its okay to be sad about it" then you just start beating his chest bawling and he pats your back

platonically, thats what hed do. Like, hed just silently offer support while you tell him your troubles or thoughts. like nod along or put a hand on your shoulder in silent encouragement or just seem so cool while spouting out some wise words. (he puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at him, the wind blows his hair slightly, the light capturing him in a perfect angle. "i understand that feeling. i felt hurt when ginro laughed at the rip in my pants too" he whispers so coolly and you bust out laughing)

romantically, hed be more initiative in this type of stuff i think. like, if he saw you going away on your own hed follow after to talk. or be more nervous cuz this time hes ACTIVELY trying to cheer you up, like tryna be comforting even if his words come out awkward or something like that. "uhmm, thats bad.. uh.. do you wanna. do you wanna hug?"

either way, 10/10 this man will never disappoint, he doesnt, and he didnt. he is underrated and we should talk about him more def

𝙍𝙮𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞

Ohoooo. this maaan is likeeee. i dunno man i feel like he literally has the same reaction to every single type of person.

encouraging, supportive, and just a big big ball of sun

hed just pin you down as an interesting person and spout some compliments

even when you first meet and he sees how you work hes like "👍!!"

So lets say close friends now. he sees you go 'its okay. I dont care' and he sees you be all 'im going to dramatically sit on a rock and have a glistening tear down my face lit by the sun' and he'll like, smack your back 4 times going 'ITS OKAY MY FRIEND ITS OKAY'

Platonic?? just like that. how he treats everyone which is of course very special. goes 'hey, its alright. like really. im here to be a bud and give u some encouragement' and be all like 'DW MY FRIEND' and just even gives u nice talks

ROMANTICALLY?? kind of the same, but but but but. he litrlly goes and does smthng to cheer u up. like litrlly does the same as platonically, but later even when ur all cheered up, brings u to a nice place like a nice view. Doesnt SAY anything cheesy but ltrlly aheaeha RAWR ryusui nanami i cant believe you just took me to a nice dinner date

𝙎𝙖𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞

okay hmmm. idk depends on the intensity of it he MIGHT be averse?? Not entirely but as long as youre not bawling and sniffling i think ur good 👍

ok so u first meet right? and then he meets u 'oh cool person ok. rlly chill' then after awhile he sees you start sniffling over someones sob story and hes all like 'aweee'

NOT IN A 'thats cute' WAY LIKE. HES JUS LIKE THINKING 'OH THIS PERSON RLLY CARES ALOT THATS SWEET A LITTLE'

maybe that might be a bonding factor. Like, the fact that ur empathetic and soooo YKNOW, YOU

so like when u werent close he was all like 'ohh. ahhh wow. i see.' now hes all like 'haha theres my little gober gomble with the gummy goo' but he will never say that ofc grrr

PLATONICALLY. hes as goober as can be. literally being all friends friends with you and loving your company. like, actively approaches you and goes 'hey!!!! :3!!'. literally a sweetie yall talk about stuff and the whole time hes like :3 and all supportive and encouraging throughout whatever ur feeling, blue or yello, red or green.

fixes my bowtie. Now. ROMANTICALLY?? so this is only it does blossom after the platonic stage. he does the same things, except all 'hmgngmg omg.. its them...' inside now. More active tending to you in your moments, happy or blue. like cheering if ur cheering, fretting over u if youre sad over smthng, stuff like that. or angry, like going 'PLS PLS PLS PLS' holding you back from hitting someone on the head. literally just the same in platonic but hes so so so sooo in love with you and loves you, for being you, more than anything

_____________

WHEW and thats. yeah. thats it. Again i am so sorry for the disproportionate pics n headers EVERYTIME i literally crop them on my own sometimes n i dont know where else to get them. but yah i hope u enjoyed and sorry it took soo long :333 !! Hcs are easier for me 2 do than fics because they take less time and like, hmm, its not that hard since theres no plot planning or proofreading or anything like that. but yes WOOO ENJOY I HOPE YALL KEEP ENJOYIG THE RARE FICS IS PUT OUT IM SO SORRY FOR THAT TOO 😭😭

[komipacket]

HEY GUYS CALM DOWN!! IM ALIVE!!

Im alive and have a little comic to share with you!!! (who knows maybe ill continue its really sketchy and easy to draw...🤔🤔🤔 )

So my idea is the whole episode Cartman is shifts his responsibility and ignoring how he feels and how he thinks. Have you noticed the way he says that all antisemistic and nazi ideas are not his but cupid’s? We already know that cupid cartman is not real and its all in Cartmans head, and we actually see it in the scene at Tolkien’s house. He is projecting the whole episode by saying that his thoughts and feelings are not his. And now we came to an interesting moment!

Next (this for now)

Am i the only one who thought the last episode was actually really good? Anyways this comic is basically my view on happening in the new episode! I thought it was kinda strange how Cartman was motivated to help Stan. Yeah at first it was so out of nowhere! 

But Cartman... Cartman is acting reeeeaaaally weird about it! So thats why i wanted to make a little comic with my thoughts! Hope you enjoyed my dozen of text ranting about new episode!!!

Catman is actively saing that Stan is jealous when the he doesnt really look that sad y’know? And if you say that Cartman really cares about stan and hes seeing how he feels bc hes his friend and stuff like that I WONT BELIEVE YOU lol (that sounds ridicules even now) Thats CARTMAN were talking about, i dont think hes that good at empathy... Hes clearly projecting his thoughts at Stan!

And if we get back to Stan i mean he could indeed be jealous! Its actually pretty normal, kyle is his friend and Stan while being left alone have all rights to feel this way. But hes reacting to Kyle hanging out with Tolkien pretty calm and understanding. He knows that Tolkien is cool bc he was almost in the Kyle’s place, only hanging out with him. And he respects Kyle’s choice yknow! So hes trying to be nice about it (in my interpretation hes even typing comments to kyle and tolkien like “really cool!👍” even if he doesn’t really like it)

[the-smiling-grinner]

hey uh dont read this 👍 TW vent

okay so basically everything has gone to shit. lets get a lil back story here

so ill be 17 soon (terrifying) and it will be almost 4 years sober of everything and i could not be more miserable. when i was 12 i abused perscription medication during the 2020 lockdown and in the process got into other things (cigs and alchol).

i dont really think that anyone understands how deep it goes. i mean think about it, a 12 yearold already suffering from halucinations, delusions and other things. on two kinds of anti psychotics, drinking, smoking and taking way to many pills. its pretty messed up.

my parents had never been the best but a brain tumour caused my mother to become abusive. i dont remember much of 2020-2021 bc i was either high, drunk, in a psychotic episode or sometimes all three. but i remember some things and the things i do remember are bad. it got so bad that i barely knew what was going on half the time.

safe to say my appearence was less than ideal. i wore a covid face mask constantly. even when you stopped having to at school. and i still wear it. simply bc i know people will make fun of me for it more than they already do if i take it off. as much as i want to stop wearing it, i know i cant.

my hair was dyed black and greasy, my achne was bad and my teeth were messed up. i was over weight, then under weight, then over weight again. i was hidious. evey photo taken of me, i looked through the camera. i had nothing left behind my eyes. i was so close to giving up entirely.

my mother had her brain tumour removed and my life was starting to take shape again. thats when she came in. she was beautiful in every way. i hated her but i loved her all the same. she caused me so much pain but it felt great.

it seemed like a good idea at the time. to date her. but i soon deacovered that she was not like she seemed. in many ways ill not describe. she ripped me appart, absolutly gutted me from the inside. i developed FND (look it up i cant be bothered explaining). my life was starting to go down hill again. i felt sick constantly. my halucinations were terrible and my mental state was even worse. i had sezures and headaches every day.

then we broke up. it was drawn out and long but to leave it all behind was freeing. i felt free for the first time in months. then she back stabbed me. i wont say what happend but this is the reason i can not trust people. my paranoia is through the roof. i constantly think about how everyone is conspiring against me and that they arent really my friends.

anyway. enough about her.

i am lonely and i fear that i will always feel this way. i have friends and a boyfriend yes but they also have friends. my halucinations icolate me. i behave agressively and erratically. nothing as bad as 2021 and 2020 but still bad.

i dont know what to do so i throw myself into school. its all i really do anymore. that and pretend i have friends. i sit at the kitchen bench and speak to no one. i have many friends there. i can act how i want and they like it. i have no one to talk to about this.

i try to talk to God but i feel bad burdening him with it like i am with everyone else. i dont feel good enough for God or any one for that matter.

im nothing like the pretty Christian girls on tiktok who look so pure and sweet. the look so kind. true women of God. i am not. i try to be but it never works out. i look scruffy, my hair is always messed up, i wear weird clothes, im rude, i cuss way too much and im just not a very nice person to be around.

i want to be tho. more than anything i want to be kind. i want to be good enough. and it doesnt even seem like im trying.

i really want cigs and alchaol. to medicate like i did all those years ago but i cant. sinning every day with small things is bad enough but those are worse.

i do my best in school and thats enough. it makes me feel like enough. im good at school. im good at it. im not good at many things but im good in school. i got dux in two subjects last year and finished top 10% of my grade. thats enough right?

every day i feel my sanity slowly slipping away. being replaced by paranoia and horrible halcinatoins. i tell myself that ill never get as bad as i was back then but deep down, i want it. bc this time, people would see it. they would know how bad it is and how my jokes are just a cry for help.

i have been put on more medication as of recently and im scaired. i dont know what it will do to me. will it kill me? will it make me put on weight? who knows. ive already had bulimia i dont need it again.

on top of this, im loosing my best friend. i can see how much they suffer. i can see how bad it is for them. they have made heaps of new friends recently and i am so happy for them but we so rarely talk now. when we do, its great. we used to see eachother every weekend, now we dont. i ask first to hang out and i feel bad, like im forcing them. i dont want to force them.

there was more i could have done for them that night. if it wasnt for those drugs. those fucking drugs. the dugs that i took to take me away from everything. to make me happy. but i wasnt happy. i was insane. i was deranged. surely anyone who looked at me could see it. that night i ripped out 4 teeth. one of them was an adult tooth. a mf adult tooth. i tore out a tooth. i was 13 by then.

i have to make my parents happy and when i dont i feel bad. i want to make my dad happy and go to his house but i hate that house. i want to make my mum happy but it always ends in an argument. i want to make my friends happy but i cant and if they can find friends to make them happy. then thats okay.

i just dont know anymore. everything is so blury. the paranoia is imence. i hate it. anyway. hope no one actually reads this.

there is SO much more but this is all for now

[t4tdanvis]

very sorry if this is a dumb question but may I ask why you’re pro-endo? As a gender accelerationist I’m 100% for mspecs but endo systems are one thing I’ve heard of that really confuses me

i have no idea what gender accelerationist means 😭 /lh

but anyways, we used to be really pro-endo, and then we became really anti-endo (for like... a couple weeks? a month? cant remember exactly lol), and then now were once again pro-endo. this means weve seen all the different sides of the argument (even ones from communities we... really wished we hadnt ever been a part of - iykyk)

and yknow what? at the end of the day, it really doesnt matter. the only time ive ever had a mental health professional use endo systems/"fakers" as an argument against us having DID was from a mental health professional that said i was "too young" to know... basically anything about myself (including but not limited to being autistc, intersex, depressed, and having PTSD). that same mental health professional also said that i couldnt have DID bc i "remembered my trauma too well", so... given that no pro-endo mental health professional has ever acted that way, its a bit telling about the ideology as a whole, yknow?

anti-endo culture centers around fakeclaiming, hypermedicalization of absolutely everything, and being a Super Special Community Of Unique Special People that no one could ever understand or be a part of without checking off an entire list of boxes (and if u dont fit every single one of those boxes, ur a faker and ur harming the community and ur basically as bad as a literal fascist). i would know because ive been in several anti-endo servers, and i used to have anti-endo friends. sure, theyll deny this to hell and back, but when u actually go deeper into their communities, the nice and kind and accepting people are a very rare exception

i personally think that u dont know better than someone else about whats going on in their head. u have literally no way to tell if someone is faking or not, and fakeclaiming only hurts people who arent actually faking (an actual faker knows theyre faking, and will continue to do so regardless of how many times u tell them that theyre faking)

u just have to ask urself "is this person actually causing any harm?". u being made uncomfortable or upset by their very existence is not harm. some random 14 year old on the internet saying theyre a system without trauma is actually not hurting anyone. it is not misinformation or harm to just. have a different worldview, yknow? there are far bigger problems in the world than a pretty small online community. someone identifying as endogenic does not make them as bad as a Literal Nazi

not to mention there are so many things we dont know about when it comes to the human brain. systems have been barely studied at all. acting like its just Impossible for anything to exist outside of a very strict definition of systemhood is just. stupid. bc how do u know?? did u do literally any studies on it?? no u didnt bc barely anyone has!! and in fact professionals state that non-traumagenic plurality DOES exist - people just like to ignore that part in the dsm-v (or claim that it means something entirely different, which it doesnt, its pretty clear lmao)

tl;dr: u can do what u want forever idc 👍