#also *points at matt* Fated Friendship.

[firedragon1321]

Since it's almost July 8th where I am, I decided to just do a meta rant for Tai and Sora today for @taichiyagamiweek. Before I start- I do not ship them and request that you don't tag as ship. Just because it may read that way, but I don't want my post to be weaponized for ship wars/character bashing.

I saw some other people start on this already, with some entries discussing how their character development leans on each other. And it does. Heavily. ...In Adventure. After that, they kind of drift apart.

These two are the only non-siblings who knew each other before that fateful week at camp. And they're somewhat like siblings, with Sora's "mom" personality coming off a little less strict with Tai than the others. She can be exasperated with him at times, but knows he's got a good head on his shoulders. He's proven himself on the soccer pitch, and takes those leadership skills into the Digital World.

Sora sees the writing on the wall with SkullGreymon long before anyone else. Of course, no-one could predict that Agumon would become such a beast. But she knows Tai isn't acting like himself, and even tries to stop him from jumping in front of the other Greymon.

In return, Tai tries to be there for her, in his own way. He just comes off as accidentally insensitive sometimes (like when Sora believed herself incapable of love). In Adventure, the characters teeter between childhood and their teen years, which is a really awkward age. Add in Tai being naturally impulsive- saying the first thing that comes to mind- and it may seem like he doesn't care. But he prepares to sacrifice his own life to save Sora from Datamon, and trusts her skills as well as she trusts his.

The shift starts in Our War Game. The root of the friendship becoming less close is character decay on Sora's end. From here up through Kizuna, she sits out important battles, becomes increasingly feminine, and stops sharing as much screentime with Tai compared to Matt. Now, femininity is not bad by nature, and there are logical reasons for the first two points (not so much the third, other than marketing). But I do feel all three contribute to their "drifting apart".

Becoming more feminine puts her in different social circles. Tai stays in the soccer field. Other, non-DigiDestined boys did as well. Some of the kids in tri. may be childhood acquaintances, who even knew Sora. But by tri., Sora's retired from soccer. It's doubtful she'd even still talk to Tai if not for their shared digital adventure.

Not having as much screentime with Tai- including sitting out key battles- does not help. Because they spend less time together, their drifting only hastens. Sometimes it feels like Sora is a background character in Tai's life. A shame given how important she was in Adventure- to Tai and the group.

This isn't a bad thing persay. People grow up. They make new friends. They don't keep friendships from their childhood. But it's also a symptom of a greater issue with Sora's writing. And it's Tai's loss. He could use her voice of reason more now than ever, with his Digimon gone and his heart in pieces.

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 18 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad + updated till chap 27

FLORIDA VERSUS TOUR SHOW (meeting)(plot is plotting)

Matt🍂

[2 attachments]

Hey, here are the tickets

I hope you'll have a great time tomorrow :)

Thank you so much<3

I'll never forget this fr

I'll repay you one day

And thank your cousin also

You can repay me by not hating me when you discover the truth…

Unsent

No worries

And yeah, I'll tell her it did end up useful for someone else

I'll try to take good pics for her!

That's very nice of you, can't wait to see them if they're as good as those you take of the world

“Damn you're so adorable Lily”, Alex said as she was reading the texts above her friend's shoulder.

“Well, it's thanks to a fellow fan that we can see the triplets again, so anything for her now!”

“No but for real, that was so sweet of Matt's cousin to give them out”. Alex side hugged Lily to show appreciation. “I really can't wait to meet them again”.

“Yeah same”, Lily agreed.

Thinking back to how everything happened so quickly, Lily was glad to have been able to trust her online friend. She knew she had every right to be weary of this, but she also wanted it to be true – which she believed to be. She didn't know how she could ever repay the favour to Matt, but she was set on finding something for him one day. Maybe this is a good situation to write that letter for him, he deserved it already but now even more… Lily thought as she smiled at her idea. Although they had never talked about it, Lily suddenly wished to meet Matt. She felt like their friendship was getting to a point where they could actually enjoy each other's presence in real life – they had called a few more times since they played Fortnite together a couple months ago but had never facetimed. None of them knew what the other looked like, but them being friends was solely based on their personalities and common ground so it didn't matter much. However, Lily's wish for an eventual meeting would happen sooner than she'd ever expect thanks to someone who wasn't as impatient – and it could even be said it had already happened though none of them was aware of it.

A day later and the two best friends found themselves in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Completely off plan – they had indeed wanted to go back to Spring Hill today but fate had it otherwise, Alex and Lily were now on the Southeast Coast. The weather was lovely as the girls parked near the venue. They hadn’t gone to their hotel yet but Matt – Alex had learnt from Lily – had apparently been kind enough to book a room for them not far from where the venue was, “an apology for this last minute plan” Lily had said. Obviously, Lily had refused to let him pay so Matt had only put his card for a refundable deposit and Lily would pay for the room when she and Alex would leave the city. As it was Sunday, the girls had decided that they would stay until Tuesday at most – they had been gone for a week and although Lucas and Jade didn’t mind being alone at the café, Lily and Alex felt bad that they were leaving them for so long. They were also missing their cat a lot, but would never tell their friend that their fake child counted more.

This was now it, the final show of the Versus Tour where Alex and Lily would be once again part of the wonderful atmosphere that were the Sturniolo Triplets’ shows. They had arrived later than they did for the other shows as they didn’t have the small talk nor the group pictures included in their tickets. This didn’t bother the girls though as they were simply ecstatic at the idea of seeing Nick, Matt and Chris for the fourth time. They saw that not many people were left outside as most of them were already inside the venue for the extras that were happening before the show. When they approached the queue, Lily unlocked her phone to get the tickets ready to be scanned. This was the moment of truth: had Matt scammed her or not? Damn, I hope not because I like the kid… Lily thought as it was their turn to enter the venue. When the security guard scanned the tickets, he let out a confused face – though unnoticed by the girls with how quick he composed himself – until he confirmed the names on his list and knew that what he was seeing was not a mistake. 

      Indeed, the tickets that Matt – Laura actually – had custom made for Lily were not meant to exist because they had never sold any GA tickets with only the backstage pass as an extra. The security guard eventually let the girls enter and as he signalled to someone else to take his place to scan the next people, he quickly went inside through another door where he knew that he could find who he was looking for. Fortunately, he was able to find her rapidly enough. He called Laura who was overseeing that the group pictures were going well and told her about the two girls he had checked in a couple of minutes ago. Thanking the man before he went back outside, Laura waited until everyone had gotten their pictures taken – luckily it was almost the end – and as she walked the triplets to the stage where they would soon be on for their show, she notified them about the girls who had arrived. Hearing this, Matt let out a sigh of relief he never knew he was holding and his two brothers patted him on the back to comfort him. She’s here, Matt thought. I’m actually gonna meet her, damn… The stress started getting to him and he knew he wouldn’t be able to relax until he saw that she was here with his own eyes. When they arrived on the side of the stage, the triplets found a small space behind the curtains where they could look at the crowd without being noticed.

“Do we even know who we’re looking for?” Chris asked as he had no idea which team colour the girls were supporting today.

“Well, she’s Matt’s girl so probably blue.” Nick replied as he tried to recognize the girl with whom he had gotten along a few days prior.

“Not my girlfriend…” Matt mumbled. “And she doesn’t even know that she’s here for me so I actually can’t say who she’s rooting for today.”

“I mean– I think I had told her to come in orange last time we saw her but I guess we can each look for our team colours when we’re on stage”, Chris suggested. “We might see better with the lights above us.”

“Good idea, let’s not be too obvious though.” Nick warned. It was now time for them to go on stage and start the show so he gave the final instructions. “We’re mainly searching in the last rows because she had General Admission; a brunette with possibly animals painted on her face accompanied with a blonde girl who’s most certainly in orange as she supported Chris in my memories. And remember, BE. DIS–CREET.”

Matt and Chris nodded as they understood their task. They would never jeopardise their last show but it wouldn’t hurt to confirm that their guests were here as they were literally in front of the crowd where said guests were. Hugging each other, the triplets were now ready to go on stage for the last time of their tour. It had been such a wonderful experience for them and they had found a way to make this last show even more special thanks to the partners they had chosen. Indeed, as their family and friends were present, the triplets had invited three of them to share the stage with them and it was now time to get them on as they were being introduced after the popular vote had happened – Matt won again, what a surprise!

The three teammates were therefore the triplets’ brother Justin, their best friend Nathan – or Nate – and their friend Tril who had travelled with them for a couple of shows to sing at the end. Nick then announced that the three would each pull from a box a friendship bracelet based on one of the teams in order to decide who they were going to partner with. After they all took out a bracelet, Nick made them reveal at the same time and the result was Nathan on team blue with Matt, Tril on team orange with Chris and finally Justin on team purple with Nick.

As usual, the first game was the painting competition which Nate had won, thus granting a second point to Matt’s team blue sharks. The next game was called Saved by the Bell where the teams would answer trivia questions. From the age required to enter the Hunger Games – twelve years old – to the number of moons Mars had – two, the three teams had to answer several chaotic other questions such as the temperature at which water freezes – 0°C or 32°F for y’all weird Americans – or the number of elements in the Periodic Table – a hundred and eighteen. They were now playing the third game which was called We’re Playing Basketball and thanks to Tril, Chris’s team orange deers was now in the lead before the fourth and last game that was Jenga Showdown started. Matt and Nate were closely behind and the Jenga game that Matt had lost a handful would be decisive. Indeed, the loser would have five points removed from his score, which is why it was essential for Matt to not lose again.

Back to our two girls in the crowd, they had been enjoying every minute of this last show. Per Chris’s request, Lily had showed up with an orange tank top and deers drawn on her face by Alex, who was also wearing orange. Although Alex would be over the moon if Chris won this show and therefore the whole tour, Lily was actually awaiting his defeat as she was really curious regarding the tiebreaker that would decide the winner between Chris and Matt as Nick announced that he had a great one planned already. Only time would tell and it wouldn’t be too much waiting as the game finally began. The tension was slowly building in the venue along the Jenga tower. After what was unusually long compared to other shows, the tower eventually collapsed when it was Nate’s turn, thus making Matt’s team lose five out of his nine points. Matt’s loss thus meant Chris’s victory of not only the show but of the entire tour, which sent the crowd in a frenzy as everyone was screaming – one part was actually cheering on the youngest brother while the other was just screaming for fun as one does during a concert whenever the artist on stage does something as simple as breathing.

Now that the show was ending, each team received their medals and as the lights were on, Matt took that as an opportunity to check the crowd for a certain face. He tried to make his brain work its hardest ever and searched for a smiling brunette of whom he had a faint memory. As he stilled for a second, Matt thought he had seen her and when he tried to keep looking at the back of the venue for this particular person, he was nudged by his friend Nate who made him notice that he would end up seeming weird on stage. Nate and the two other teammates did know why Matt had spent a couple of times during the show simply watching the crowd – they had been notified along with the triplets’ parents about Matt’s chaotic plan – and so their role had been to prevent each of the triplets to creepingly stare at the fans too much. Finally, the coronation ceremony happened and Chris received the Versus Tour trophy before everyone left the stage for Tril’s last mini concert.

Unbeknownst to them, Alex and Lily were being observed by three similar-looking people who were watching the fans until they recognised those they were searching for. The show had been over for a little while and so the two girls were currently waiting in the queue leading to backstage as the tickets they had been given by Matt allowed them to meet the triplets after the show. Although they had been trusting Matt, they were still relieved to get the confirmation that they indeed had access backstage when they had first entered the venue a few hours earlier – though it was Laura who had notified the staff beforehand that those two specific girls had a “special treatment” due the ticket combo that wasn't supposed to exist.

As the girls were simply talking about the fact that Chris had won the show and therefore the tour – which Alex was over the moon about, her being a Chris girl, they didn't notice someone from security coming towards them. Exchanging a glance of uncertainty, Lily and Alex were surprised that the bodyguard was asking them to follow him somewhere else in the venue. Questions raised in the girls’ minds but they complied and went with the man. They didn’t understand at first and were just confused that they were being dragged out from the queue.

“What the fuck is happening?” Alex whispered to Lily as they were still walking in the corridors of the venue.

“I DON'T KNOW!” Lily whisper-yelled to Alex. “It's scaring me, like have we been scammed?”

“I hope not bro, they’ll probably give us an explanation.”

Lily agreed and a couple of minutes later, the two girls found themselves in a huge room with several couches and drinks on a table. They got told to stay here until someone would come back for them later. They both were so stressed and although they had snacks as well as beverages to pass the time, Lily and Alex were shitting themselves.

~~~

Half an hour later and the girls were still alone in the room. While they had been wondering about what was going to happen to them – their assumptions were being killed or abducted, the actual backstage was close to being over. Due to confusion still being present, Alex had suggested the first good idea of the evening and told Lily to text Matt.

“Damn, we should've thought about that earlier. I hope bro has a good explanation!”

Matt🍂

Hey Matt, please can you tell me what's going on bc Alex and I have been waiting for so long. We don't know what's happening and it's kinda scary so if you could text me back and explain wtf your cousin was supposed to do at the show, that would be nice

Lily was hoping that although Matt wasn't the one initially going to the show, he could still give her an explanation as to what was going to happen to them. However, as soon as Lily hit ‘send’ on her text, she and Alex heard a notification sound in the same room. This clearly raised more confusion in the girls’ minds. They thought it was a coincidence but were still suspicious of the fact that someone's phone received a message right as Lily had sent hers. As if it couldn’t get worse, the door suddenly opened and three people casually walked in.

“Honestly, it's such a Matt thing to forget his phone on the other side of the venue.” The voice of a man could be heard. “Don't think we needed to immediately bring it to him though.”

“You have to understand him sweetie,” a woman replied to him. “He's really nervous about today even though we spent a while reassuring him before the show. And he might need it to text his friend. I don't know, it might be useful.”

A second man agreed with the woman while Alex and Lily were watching the scene with widened eyes. They couldn't believe what they were seeing: the triplets’ parents, Mary Lou and Jimmy, as well as their brother Justin were currently standing in front of them. As the woman noticed the girls, she stopped talking and nudged her husband then her oldest son to make them notice.

“Hi there!” Mary Lou said with the nicest tone. “You must be my son's friends, right?”

“Wha–” Lily was the first to reply as she had no idea what was going on.

Seeing their confusion, Justin quickly understood that the timing had been completely off.

“Mum, I think we might be early…”

“Oh god!” Mary Lou exclaimed in surprise. “He told us he would notify you before we arrived.”

“I'm sorry, but…” Alex took Lily's place in wanting to know the truth as the brunette was now lost. “Who was supposed to notify us of what?”

“OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?” The voice of a young man yelled as he ran into the room and started rambling. “Dad came to get me. Damn, I leave you guys for an hour and you can't wait ten more minutes. Fuck, sorry I shouldn't curse at you and I know I said that thing about my phone but I was about to come get it and now–”

Matt stopped talking as he turned to face the two confused girls still sitting on the couch. His dad, Jimmy, had left his wife and first son to try finding Matt before the situation would get more chaotic than it already was. He had stumbled upon Matt, Nick and Chris who were coming back from backstage as the show was definitely over, which led to the middle triplet running to the room his dad was coming from as he started panicking as soon as Jimmy had explained what was happening a few corridors away.

“Hey,” Matt said to the girls with a soft voice to not frighten them. His gaze was mostly on Lily before he spotted his phone and unlocked it. “Oh, you texted. Sorry for the confusion, I swear I can explain everything.”

What the actual– the fuck he means? Lily wondered. I texted? Like– I'm so fucking lost… She tore her eyes away from Matt as she saw Chris, Nick and Jimmy entering the room then going to stand next to Matt who was trying to calm down.

“Ok so… I know you must both be very sceptical about everything but please listen to me.” Matt almost pleaded as he was scared of how Alex and Lily would react. “Hmm, well… Hi, I'm Matt.”

As he said his last sentence with a small wave, the girls were still not understanding.

“Yeah, we know that”. Lily replied with a nervous laugh. “That's why we came to see y'all I guess.”

“No yeah, sorry. I mean like– Matt, your Matt?” He sounded almost unsure as he saw that Lily was still not completely getting it. He then had an idea and went to his conversation with Lily to show her what he meant. “Wait a second…”

Matt quickly typed a message and sent it to Lily, which made her phone's screen light up.

Matt🍂

Hey, please don't hate me

Both Lily and Alex looked down to read the message, the latter almost having a light bulb appearing above her head.

“Oh fuck I should've known! I knew it!” Alex semi-shouted.

It's true that the blonde had had suspicions a couple of times when Lily had told her that she was texting a guy named Matt who liked Pokemon, Fortnite and had several brothers. They were probably a thousand guys on Earth like that but at that time, it had been the only Matt she could think about.

“Oh…” Lily finally knew what he meant. “Oh… I was absolutely not expecting that.”

“Yeah…” Matt was still afraid of what would happen next. “If that's ok, I just want to properly do introductions?”

Lily nodded as she and Matt were still holding eye contact for the past several minutes. When the girls both stood up and approached the Sturniolo family, Matt got even more nervous and Nick took that as his cue to take charge of the situation.

“Hey, Nicolas here but call me Nick! So we have Matt obviously and Chris who you both know, I mean we all met but let's reset everything. Then it should've been later but improv I guess so I want you guys to meet our mum Mary Lou, our dad Jimmy and our brother Justin.”

“Hi, I'm Alex.” The blonde said as she could feel her best friend was in a sort of shocked state. “This is Lily, my best friend and Matt's friend then?”

Everyone nodded and as an awkward silence was almost forming, Mary Lou let her bubbly personality shine to brighten the mood.

“Okay boys, why don't we just relax and enjoy the snack while getting to know those lovely ladies? Matt darling, go talk with your brothers as I take your nice friend with me. You guys will have all the time in the world later on.”

Mary Lou walked towards Lily and gently grabbed her arm to then go sit on another couch in the room, further away from everyone else. The rest of them scattered in the room as Chris decided to join Alex – they had gotten along well the few times they had seen each other – while the other brothers stood with their dad and chose to pour themselves some drinks.

While Alex was talking with Chris and reminiscing about their victory together, Lily found herself in a conversation with Mary Lou whom she thought was the sweetest woman ever. After Matt, well Nick in all honesty, had introduced her to his mum – a bold move from him to have her meet him AND his whole family at the same time, Mary Lou immediately shooed her son away as she wanted to properly get to know his new friend. This is why Matt was currently with his brothers Justin and Nick. The two oldest were discussing what they could do the next day around the city, which Matt was half listening to as he was stressed regarding what his mum and friend – friend? Acquaintance? More than that? Less? Yeah, friend is good – were talking about. However, as he dared to glance in their direction, Matt found Lily's eyes already on him. She quickly diverted her gaze back to Mary Lou but as she still felt observed, Lily looked back to Matt. They then shared a soft smile across the room and as if it was magic, both were suddenly feeling at ease and fell back to their respective conversation. They'd only had a two second interaction as the Matt and Lily they both knew, but it was like they were turning back into their usual selves when they would text each other.

“You do know you guys are kinda obvious, right?” Justin asked his younger brother.

“Wha– what do you mean?” Matt was confused, although he somehow already knew what this was about.

“Matt come on”, Nick sighed as he dragged out his brother's name's vowel. “I'm pretty sure you didn't listen to what we've been saying because you're only thinking about her.”

“And looking at her like a lost puppy”, Justin added. “She should be the one panicking, yet here you are.”

“I don't look at Lily like a lost puppy…” Matt mumbled. “Just making sure Mum isn't overwhelming her. Can't believe she gets to talk to her before me, she's my friend!”

“A friend who probably made her live the most stressful experience ever,” Nick retorted. “I think today was confusing for everyone so let her breathe for a minute and you can go talk to her after.”

Matt and Justin agreed with the blonde, then tried to trust their mum to make Lily feel better.

Speaking of the devil, the girl was actually enjoying her conversation with Mary Lou, who was telling her about Boston life.

“It sounds great, I hope to go there one day.”

“Maybe if my son keeps you in his life – which I would be glad about, you'll have the opportunity to travel there”. Mary Lou said as she put on her kindest smile.

“Yeah, I hope he does too.” Lily replied with some awkwardness in her voice. “It's still weird to me that he was the one I was texting this whole time, but I really want us to become friends in person now. Not that I want to take advantage of him simply because I know who he actually is of course, please don't think bad of me! But, I–”

“No worries my dear, if Matt trusted you enough to reveal himself to you, then I trust you as well”. The woman reassured the girl sitting next to her. “He's a good boy, so please take care of him.”

“I– yeah I will, I'll do my best to make this friendship work”.

The two exchanged a smile and kept talking about their respective lives: Mary Lou telling Lily about her and Jimmy while Lily told Mary Lou about the café she was working at with Alex.

They had been talking for a good dozen of minutes until Matt – who had been motivated by his brothers – finally decided to join them.

“Hi”, he waved again at Lily – seems like it was his current go-to move when feeling nervous. “Mum, I'm gonna steal her from you – if that's ok with you Lily obviously – because we need to talk now.”

Mary Lou kindly agreed and nudged Lily to stand up. As the girl was expecting the conversation to start now, she was actually surprised when Matt asked her to follow him outside. They both left the room under everyone’s curious stare and Matt took her elsewhere in the venue in order to be far enough for anyone who could walk by. When he found what seemed like a good spot, Matt looked back at Lily to silently ask her if it was ok. As she nodded, he opened the door and they were now on a balcony that was overlooking the parking lot behind the venue.

“Sorry, it looks kinda sketchy but I'll feel better with some fresh air.”

“No yeah, I get it.” Lily agreed with Matt. “I think I needed it too.”

“So…” Matt started as he was fidgeting while leaning on the railing.

“Yep…” Lily whispered as she was doing the same awkward movements.

None of them felt like holding eye contact as they were both extremely nervous. Knowing that he was responsible for all of this, Matt eventually started talking:

“Ok first, I have to apologise for everything. I put you in a very uncomfortable situation and it was a shit move.”

“It's okay… Well it was not completely ok but I understand where you come from so I can forgive you.” Lily smiled at Matt as she was feeling less awkward now that they were actually talking about it. “Never forgive you for not liking sushi though.”

“Damn,” Matt let out a laugh at that. “Can't believe you still hold that against me.”

“Yep, always I guess…” Lily chuckled too and let a now semi-comfortable silence start until she interrupted it with the most important question. “How long have you known?”

“Hmm?”

“Since when have you known it was me like– I was me?”

“Oh, well… when you posted those pictures,” Matt explained. “I was ninety-nine percent sure of you coming to our shows and the last percent was when I texted you.”

“Ok ok,” Lily nodded. “And your first reflex was to make me come to another one?”

“It seems weird but yeah actually,” Matt confirmed as he was actually surprised of himself being so honest. “I was a bit in denial at first because it felt crazy that the person I'm texting is literally a fan – although you are my friend first and foremost – but when I talked about it to Nick and Chris, the first thing that popped into my brain when we agreed that you were Lily was that I needed to meet you again, but properly this time.”

“I'm glad you thought that because I wanted us to eventually meet and I'm happy it's you.”

“Yeah?” Matt asked as he felt relieved that Lily wasn't hating him.

“Yeah, it's just sooner than expected but in a good way. I'm grateful for our friendship Matt.”

“I'm grateful for that too Lily.” Matt had a soft smile on his face. “You wanna meet my other friends/come see everyone else now?”

“Hmm,” Lily hesitated. “Can we stay here a bit longer? Just the two of us…?”

“Yeah, okay.” He agreed. “We can do that, fine by me.”

Basking in the silence, the two newly acquainted friends were enjoying this moment of peace. It would be the first one of many, but for now, it felt like a necessity to take their time as they were now slowly starting to navigate their friendship.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[gregorygerwitz]

What do you mean about fate and FS and Moustead?

Hello! Thank you for falling for my lil trap!

There is so much because I'm longwinded, have fun with this I got too excited getting to put this all into words.

I've been against using "fate" as an argument for FitzSimmons, specifically, since... 2017? Yeah, that's when that half of s4 aired. I'll give you a SparkNotes version, for anyone who didn't watch Agents of SHIELD - Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons, who I do love as a ship in the early seasons, I have nothing against the ship specifically, just the "they're fated to be together" argument. They met at the SHIELD academy when they were kids, when Jemma sat next to Fitz in a class and they became... friends? They both thought the other hated them and they were gonna be rivals, while secretly admired each other and how smart they were the whole time. Anyway, now they're married and have a daughter, which is cute as shit, good for them, this is not an anti-FitzSimmons post.

I don't think they're fated to be together.

I use the Framework-created alternate reality to make this point every time. In that reality, Ophelia is the one who sat next to Leopold, and that butterfly effects into them being in a relationship down the line. Ophelia specifically set it up to be that way, I get that, I know that's how the Framework arc worked. My username was HoldenDadcliffe across most social media for 4 years, I know what I'm talking about. But the argument could be made that Fitz would have ended up with anyone who sat next to him in class and engaged with him, whether as a friend or a presumed rival or what have you. That's the only point I want to make. It could have been anyone. In the real world, it was Jemma. In the Framework, it was Ophelia. It could have been Matt, my Bruises Verse OC, it could have been anyone. It was the situation that brought them together, not the universe. That doesn't make the relationship any less important or genuine, it's just a fact.

Anyway, I would argue that Moustead is fated to be in each other's lives, especially if we take the possibilities in Bolivia into account. Not necessarily in a romantic way, because soulmates, or whatever you want to call it, don't have to be romantic. I just think they're meant to exist in the world together, and the universe seems to be encouraging that.

For instance, in Afghanistan, Jay did make friends with Knox first. In canon. They were close, they built explosives together, had to rely on each other to survive, the whole nine yards. They were halfway around the world with only their team to count on and trust. They had to be a family to stay alive. And then Knox did everything he did, and that friendship was obviously completely ruined after that, which meant that one of Jay's most important relationships at the time was just... decimated. He had to find someone who he could actually rely on, someone who wouldn't murder civilians because he wasn't taught to handle his emotions in a healthy way.

Mouse wasn't exactly handling his emotions in a healthy way, either, but at least his poor coping mechanisms didn't have a civilian body count, you know? Like, the only person he hurts is himself? It's fine, he gets better, eventually. But the idea of the universe seeing Jay make a friend, and going "wait, no, not that one, come back here" is just so... *chef's kiss* It's just a coincidence, at that point, but there sure are a lot of coincidences, aren't there?

He gets attached to the one other person from Chicago. The one other person who survived that war zone with him. The one person who kept him sane - who he also kept sane - when they got home and had to navigate civilian life again.

They just work, you know? They balance each other out in so many ways. Jay is absolutely driven by his heart - he wants to help people, he wants to put good into the world and take bad out, he wants to fall in love and have a constant presence in his life. On the other hand, Mouse is driven by his head - he's so smart, and he uses that to learn about computers and the world around him, and he has great ideas. They both rely on those opposites so much that it hurts them. Jay holds onto relationships until they tear him apart. Mouse thinks things through so much that he had to turn to drugs to keep himself from unraveling.

They even go so far as to completely reject those opposites in themselves. If Jay used his head, he'd know to let go of relationships and connections long before they hurt him the way the do. If Mouse used his heart, he'd be less untethered, he'd have more connections to his Chicago life than just Jay. Of course, all of my labels for them are just headcanons, but Jay being aspec and Mouse being arospec adds to this so beautifully.

Even if it is all coincidence, that balance is so important to their relationship. If one goes too far, the other can pull them back, and they really make up one fully functional human being together. They share a braincell, for sure, and Mouse usually has it. Jay certainly didn't have it in s5, that's a fact.

I think, with Jay leaving the show - and rehashing the same speech that Mouse gave him with only slightly different wording - the universe might be pushing them together again? Obviously, canon hasn't mentioned Mouse since s4, and we're never going to know if they're actually serving their country together again, but I can pretend. I can pretend that the person Jay called his best friend is still in his life, somehow.

But especially with how s9 went, and that whole year leading up to Jay leaving for Bolivia...

Even just starting with the Knox episode, 9x03, that had to bring up memories that he hasn't thought about in a while. I'm almost certain that he came across a few pictures of Mouse while he was doing his digging, even if we didn't get to seem them on screen.

After that, I want to bring up 9x09. Lovingly, the rushed marriage episode. (I love Upstead, but their romance arc was rushed and if they, the writers, had taken the time to develop the relationship more, they could have navigated the distance much more easily, or at least put off the actual wedding until Jay made his way through his crisis and they were both in a more stable place, but that's just my opinion and not the point of this post, ignore me) I just think about that episode a lot in a Moustead context because of what made Jay panic and rush into it like that. They had to get the FBI off of Voight and Hailey, obviously, but the steps they took had to be personal to him, at least in the context of his friendship with Mouse. A young, queer-coded drug addict, who was the same age that Mouse was when they met, using him and this weakness (that Jay canonically doesn't judge, he literally gave Mouse drug money in s1) and holding that over his brother as leverage, it's... He saw the lowest point of his best friend's life right in front of his face, something that he couldn't fix before and can't fix now, and Jay...

Jay, who just wants to help people, and put some more good into the world, and fix things because he hasn't had much control in his life and now he's older and stronger and he can do something. He used this intimate knowledge he has of people in that situation for his own personal gain, in a way, and doesn't that make him feel so dirty? But he can't think about it too hard, because he's not the one who uses his head. Mouse is his head, the one who would have actually said out loud how stupid and reckless and horrible that idea was and how they shouldn't do it. Because it was exploiting a literal child, who didn't do anything wrong beyond giving into vices. But Jay... Jay is the heart. He finds someone he cares about and he holds on so tight. And he was already engaged to Hailey, so what's the harm in moving the wedding up?

He'd already lost the person he'd been thinking about for months, and it's not like he could just call and ask Mouse to come back to Chicago, not after how things ended. But he could hold onto the people he loved who were close. He could turn an engagement into a marriage. He could insert himself further into Voight's bullshit. He could cement himself in the team and focus on what he had, not what he missed.

Then there was Adam's undercover thing, and the overdose, and even if November 2011, specifically, is from my headcanons, how many times did Jay worry? How many times did he text or call or pop by to make sure that Mouse was high but not in danger? How much did he check in after Mouse's multiple felonies and other petty crimes and make sure he was okay and alive? How many times did Jay have to worry, over their 10+ year friendship, that he'd lost someone he cares about so much?

And then there's s10, with his exit, and that entire episode doing the exact same thing to me, emotionally. 10x03, my beloved, my ride or die, my defining moment... A veteran is doing his best, getting pulled into crime just to pull himself afloat, getting hurt and getting himself killed through that. Isn't that something Jay has seen before? Just with a less tragic finale? Of course he helped clear up the guy's record, so that his family could still get the benefits, and all of that wasn't done for nothing. And then...

He left. He went back to the army, however loosely, basically quoted Mouse's reasons for why - because how else would he explain it? The logic is sound, of course it is, the head handles the logic. Jay just followed the logic laid out for him six years earlier, when his heart finally caught up with it.

And the idea that they somehow ended up in the same area again? Working together and rekindling their friendship now that they're finally on the same page? What else could that be?

It's fate.

[ghostflowerdreams]

Books Similar to Stranger Things

The most obvious starting point is to check out the officially authorized novels that further expand the canonical Stranger Things world, such as Suspicious Minds by Gwenda Bond. It's a prequel novel that follows Eleven's mother and her time as a test subject in the MKUltra program. Then there's Darkness on the Edge of Town by Adam Christopher, which is about Chief Jim Hopper's old life as a police detective in New York City.

There's more novels that delve into the past of a few of the show’s characters like Runaway Max by Brenna Yovanoff, which explores Max's past--the good and the bad--as well as how she came to find her newfound sense of home in Hawkins, Indiana.

However, if that still isn't enough the next best thing is to find books that are similar to Stranger Things or give off the same feels via plot, the friendship, theme and aspects of it. I know I'm not the only one on the search and so while scouring the web I've compiled a list of the most common book recommendations I've seen people suggest.

I like making lists like these as this is how I also usually form my 'To Be Read' list. Oh, and this isn't any particular order either.

Paper Girls Vol. #1 by Brian K. Vaughan (Writer), Cliff Chiang (Artist) & Matt Wilson (Colorist) — is a graphic novel that follows a group of 12-year-old newspaper delivery girls in the early hours after Halloween of 1988, who uncover the most important story of all time. [1]

My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix — The year is 1988. High school sophomores Abby and Gretchen have been best friends since fourth grade. After an evening of skinny-dipping Gretchen disappears in the woods but returns a few hours later, naked and…different. She’s moody. She’s irritable. And bizarre incidents keep happening whenever she’s nearby.

Abby’s investigation leads her to some startling discoveries—and by the time their story reaches its terrifying conclusion, the fate of Abby and Gretchen will be determined by a single question: Is their friendship powerful enough to beat the devil?

Ghoul by Brian Keene — There is something in the local cemetery that comes out at night. Something that is unearthing corpses and killing people. It’s the summer of 1984 and Timmy and his friends are looking forward to no school, comic books, and adventure. But instead they will be fighting for their lives. 

The ghoul has smelled their blood and it is after them. But that’s not the only monster they will face this summer...

The Saturday Night Ghost Club by Craig Davidson — Growing up in 1980s Niagara Falls--a seedy but magical, slightly haunted place--Jake Baker spends most of his time with his uncle Calvin, a kind but eccentric enthusiast of occult artifacts and conspiracy theories.

The summer Jake turns twelve, he befriends a pair of siblings new to town, and so Calvin decides to initiate them all into the "Saturday Night Ghost Club." But as the summer goes on, what begins as a seemingly lighthearted project may ultimately uncover more than any of its members had imagined.

Summer of Night (Seasons of Horror #1) by Dan Simmons — It's the summer of 1960 in Elm Haven, Illinois, and five 12-year old boys are forming the bonds that a lifetime of changes will never erase. But then a dark cloud threatens the bright promise of summer vacation: on the last day of school, their classmate Tubby Cooke vanishes.

Soon, the group discovers stories of other children who once disappeared from Elm Haven. And there are other strange things happening in town: unexplained holes in the ground, a stranger dressed as a World War I soldier, and a rendering-plant truck that seems to be following the five boys. The friends realize that there is a terrible evil lurking in Elm Haven...and they must be the ones to stop it.

Haven by Tom Deady — In 1961, the small town of Haven thought they'd gotten rid of their monster.

After a series of child killings, Paul Greymore was caught carrying a wounded girl. His face, disfigured from a childhood accident, seemed to confirm he was the monster the community hoped to banish. With Paul in prison, the killings stopped.

For seventeen years, Haven was peaceful again. But Paul served his time and has now returned to Haven--the town where he grew up, and the scene of his alleged crimes. Paul insists he didn't commit those crimes, and several townspeople believe him including the local priest, a young boy named Denny, and his best friend Billy.

Trouble is, now that Paul is back home, the bizarre killings have started again--and the patterns match the deaths from Haven's past. If Paul isn't the killer, who is?

Or WHAT is? An unlikely band of adventurers attempts to uncover the truth, delving into long-hidden tunnels that might actually be inhabited by a strange, predatory creature.

One Word Kill (Impossible Times #1) by Mark Lawrence — In January 1986, fifteen-year-old boy-genius Nick Hayes discovers he’s dying. And it isn’t even the strangest thing to happen to him that week.

Nick and his Dungeons & Dragons-playing friends are used to living in their imaginations. But when a new girl, Mia, joins the group and reality becomes weirder than the fantasy world they visit in their weekly games, none of them are prepared for what comes next. A strange—yet curiously familiar—man is following Nick, with abilities that just shouldn’t exist. And this man bears a cryptic message: Mia’s in grave danger, though she doesn’t know it yet. She needs Nick’s help—now.

He finds himself in a race against time to unravel an impossible mystery and save the girl. And all that stands in his way is a probably terminal disease, a knife-wielding maniac and the laws of physics.

Starr Creek by Nathan Carson — Set in 1986 rural Oregon, Starr Creek features Heavy Metal teens, Christian biker gangs, and hopped up kids on 3-wheeled ATVs. They all collide when strange occurrences unveil an alien world inhabiting the Oregon woods.

Inside by D. M. Siciliano — Set in 1987. Reid is a bully, but he’s still Alex’s best friend. When Reid pushes Alex and their friends into invading a historically haunted Massachusetts house, Alex knows it’s a terrible idea, but indulges his friend. What could go wrong?

Inside, a mysterious Shadow looms in the darkness. The door to the house vanishes, leaving them trapped. The group flees through the tiny, one-roomed house that defies logic, constantly shifting, presenting them with new doors, hallways, and rooms that seem to be plucked from their memories and fears. One by one, the Shadow hunts them, intent on burning them all from within.

Is there any way to escape? Or will they be burned from the inside out?

The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek by Link Neal & Rhett James McLaughlin — It’s 1992 in Bleak Creek, North Carolina—a sleepy little place with all the trappings of an ordinary Southern town: two Baptist churches, friendly smiles coupled with silent judgments, and an unquenchable appetite for pork products. Beneath the town’s cheerful façade, however, Bleak Creek teens live in constant fear of being sent to the Whitewood School, a local reformatory with a history of putting unruly youths back on the straight and narrow—a record so impeccable that almost everyone is willing to ignore the suspicious deaths that have occurred there over the past decade.

At first, high school freshmen Rex McClendon and Leif Nelson believe what they’ve been told: that the students’ strange demises were all just tragic accidents, the unfortunate consequence of succumbing to vices like Marlboro Lights and Nirvana. But when the shoot for their low-budget horror masterpiece, PolterDog, goes horribly awry—and their best friend, Alicia Boykins, is sent to Whitewood as punishment—Rex and Leif are forced to question everything they know about their unassuming hometown and its cherished school for delinquents.

Eager to rescue their friend, Rex and Leif pair up with recent NYU film school graduate Janine Blitstein to begin piecing together the unsettling truth of the school and its mysterious founder, Wayne Whitewood. What they find will leave them battling an evil beyond their wildest imaginations—one that will shake Bleak Creek to its core.

Dead Flip by Sara Farizan — Growing up, Cori, Maz, and Sam were inseparable best friends, sharing their love for Halloween, arcade games, and one another. Now it’s 1992, Sam has been missing for five years, and Cori and Maz aren’t speaking anymore. How could they be, when Cori is sure Sam is dead and Maz thinks he may have been kidnapped by a supernatural pinball machine?   These days, all Maz wants to do is party, buy CDs at Sam Goody, and run away from his past. Meanwhile, Cori is a homecoming queen, hiding her abiding love of horror movies and her queer self under the bubblegum veneer of a high school queen bee. But when Sam returns—still twelve years old while his best friends are now seventeen—Maz and Cori are thrown back together to solve the mystery of what really happened to Sam the night he went missing. Beneath the surface of that mystery lurk secrets the friends never told one another, then and now. And Sam’s is the darkest of all...

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman — Sussex, England. A middle-aged man returns to his childhood home to attend a funeral. Although the house he lived in is long gone, he is drawn to the farm at the end of the road, where, when he was seven, he encountered a most remarkable girl, Lettie Hempstock, and her mother and grandmother. He hasn't thought of Lettie in decades, and yet as he sits by the pond (a pond that she'd claimed was an ocean) behind the ramshackle old farmhouse, the unremembered past comes flooding back. And it is a past too strange, too frightening, too dangerous to have happened to anyone, let alone a small boy.

Forty years earlier, a man committed suicide in a stolen car at this farm at the end of the road. Like a fuse on a firework, his death lit a touchpaper and resonated in unimaginable ways. The darkness was unleashed, something scary and thoroughly incomprehensible to a little boy. And Lettie—magical, comforting, wise beyond her years—promised to protect him, no matter what.

Whispering Pines (Whispering Pines #1) by Heidi Lang & Kati Bartkowski — Rae’s father vanished without a trace—and Rae knows what happened to him. But no one believes her when she says that her father didn’t run off, that he was actually taken. Now, a year of therapy later, Rae’s mother decides they need a fresh start, and so they move to a new town in the hope that life can return to normal.

The problem is, there is nothing normal about the town of Whispering Pines.

No one knows this better than Caden. He’s lived in Whispering Pines his entire life, and he’s seen more than his fair share of weird—starting with his own family, as the town is the perfect home base for his mother’s ghost hunting business.

When several kids go missing and then show up like zombies with their eyes removed, many locals brush it off. Just another day in Whispering Pines. But Caden has a dark secret, one that may explain why someone is stealing eyes. And Rae, who knows how it feels to not be believed, may be just the person Caden needs to help him put things right.

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand — On the island of Sawkill Rock, where gleaming horses graze in rolling pastures and cold waves crash against black cliffs. Where kids whisper the legend of an insidious monster at parties and around campfires.

Where girls have been disappearing for decades, stolen away by a ravenous evil no one has dared to fight… until now.

Three teenage girls who come together to face an ancient evil.

Marion: the new girl. Awkward and plain, steady and dependable. Weighed down by tragedy and hungry for love she’s sure she’ll never find.

Zoey: the pariah. Luckless and lonely, hurting but hiding it. Aching with grief and dreaming of vanished girls. Maybe she’s broken—or maybe everyone else is.

Val: the queen bee. Gorgeous and privileged, ruthless and regal. Words like silk and eyes like knives, a heart made of secrets and a mouth full of lies.

The Devouring Gray (The Devouring Gray #1) by C.L. Herman — On the edge of town a beast haunts the woods, trapped in the Gray, its bonds loosening…

Uprooted from the city, Violet Saunders doesn’t have much hope of fitting in at her new school in Four Paths, a town almost buried in the woodlands of rural New York. The fact that she’s descended from one of the town’s founders doesn’t help much, either—her new neighbours treat her with distant respect, and something very like fear. When she meets Justin, May, Isaac, and Harper, all children of founder families, and sees the otherworldly destruction they can wreak, she starts to wonder if the townsfolk are right to be afraid.

When bodies start to appear in the woods, the locals become downright hostile. Can the teenagers solve the mystery of Four Paths, and their own part in it, before another calamity strikes?

House of Hollow by Krystal Sutherland — Seventeen-year-old Iris Hollow has always been strange. Something happened to her and her two older sisters when they were children, something they can’t quite remember but that left each of them with an identical half-moon scar at the base of their throats.

Iris has spent most of her teenage years trying to avoid the weirdness that sticks to her like tar. But when her eldest sister, Grey, goes missing under suspicious circumstances, Iris learns just how weird her life can get: horned men start shadowing her, a corpse falls out of her sister’s ceiling, and ugly, impossible memories start to twist their way to the forefront of her mind.

As Iris retraces Grey’s last known footsteps and follows the increasingly bizarre trail of breadcrumbs she left behind, it becomes apparent that the only way to save her sister is to decipher the mystery of what happened to them as children.

The closer Iris gets to the truth, the closer she comes to understanding that the answer is dark and dangerous – and that Grey has been keeping a terrible secret from her for years.

It by Stephen King — is about seven adults who return to their hometown to confront a nightmare they had first stumbled on as teenagers…an evil without a name: It.

Welcome to Derry, Main. It’s a small city, a place as hauntingly familiar as your own hometown. Only in Derry the haunting is real...

They were seven teenagers when they first stumbled upon the horror. Now they are grown-up men and women who have gone out into the big world to gain success and happiness. But the promise they made twenty-eight years ago calls them reunite in the same place where, as teenagers, they battled an evil creature that preyed on the city’s children.

Now, children are being murdered again and their repressed memories of that terrifying summer return as they prepare to once again battle the monster lurking in Derry’s sewers. [2]

Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero — It takes place in a small mining town in Oregon, first in 1977 where a group of kids who call themselves the Blyton Summer Detective Club have uncovered the truth behind a creature called the Sleepy Lake monster and a supposedly haunted mansion.

Years later, in 1990, the meddling kids are all grown up but are called back to that small town when the mystery resurfaces, apparently not as resolved as they had once all thought.

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury — is a dark fantasy about two 13-year-old best friends, Jim Nightshade and William Halloway, and their nightmarish experience with a traveling carnival called 'Cooger & Dark’s Pandemonium Show' that comes to their Midwestern home, Green Town, Illinois, on October 24th.

Whisper (Whispers 1) by Lynette Noni — “Lengard is a secret government facility for extraordinary people,” they told me. I believed them. That was my mistake. There isn’t anyone else in the world like me. I’m different. I’m an anomaly. I’m a monster.

For two years, six months, fourteen days, eleven hours and sixteen minutes, Subject Six-Eight-Four — ‘Jane Doe’ — has been locked away and experimented on, without uttering a single word.

As Jane’s resolve begins to crack under the influence of her new — and unexpectedly kind — evaluator, she uncovers the truth about Lengard’s mysterious ‘program’, discovering that her own secret is at the heart of a sinister plot … and one wrong move, one wrong word, could change the world.

The Lightning Tree (The NI Revolution Trilogy #1) by Lene Fogelberg — Nature finally rises against humanity.

Flora Reed discovers a lifeless body in her front yard the morning after the last day of her junior year of high school. Matters get worse when more people from her small town are found dead under mysterious circumstances and police take an interest in the boy next door, Carl.

Flora is convinced that Carl is innocent, suspecting that the deaths are somehow connected to her younger sister Fauna's tragic accident a year earlier. What she learns changes everything, and she has to race against time to prevent the killings from spreading. Flora and a small group of friends soon find themselves at the onset of an apocalyptic battle between man and nature, with no one believing their story.

The Call by Peadar Ó Guilín — is set in a unique future of Ireland—or what once was Ireland. Everyday children from as young as 10, fear the day they will get “The Call” – a point in which they are sent the Grey Lands, where they must survive being hunted by the Sidhe for twenty-four hours. Some come back alive, some dead, and some come back…different.

The story focuses mainly on Nessa, a fourteen-year-old girl with twisted legs thanks to polio. While not immune to the taunts and whispers she receives about her disability, she trains hard and is determined to prove to everyone that she can not only survive The Call, but that she deserves to be there.

All Our Hidden Gifts (The Gifts #1) by Caroline O’Donoghue — is set in an Irish town where the church’s tight hold has loosened and new freedoms are trying to take root.

It follows sixteen-year-old Maeve after she finds a deck of tarot cards while cleaning out an old closet in her Catholic school. She quickly becomes the most sought-after diviner at school.

But when Maeve’s ex–best friend, Lily, draws an unsettling card called The Housekeeper that Maeve has never seen before, the session devolves into a heated argument that ends with Maeve wishing aloud that Lily would disappear. When Lily isn’t at school the next Monday, Maeve learns her ex-friend has vanished without a trace.

The Door to December by Dean Koontz — Little Melanie had been kidnapped when she was only three. She was nine when she was found wandering the L.A. streets, with blank eyes. What had become of her in all those years of darkness... and what was the terrible secret, clutching at her soul, that she dared not even whisper?

Her loving mother and the police desperately hunted for the answer. They needed Melanie to help get to the bottom of the most savage scene of carnage the city had ever seen. And they would do anything to save her from whatever dreadful force or thing had invaded her young life. But first, they would have to save themselves from a rising tide of terror... and from an icy evil howling through The Door to December.

Infinity's Doorway by David Wind — Arren Blaine is a cop, he doesn't believe in the paranormal. He knows there is no such things as Werewolves or Shifters, until...

"Find me..." The words uttered by the mysterious woman he'd swerved off the road to miss, echo continually in Dallas policeman Arren Blaine's head as he fights to get back into the world of the living, after the almost fatal car crash.

"Find me..." So begins an odyssey of discovery that takes him far from the Dallas P.D. forensic labs and into the frightening world of the supernatural in his search for the woman who had saved his life. A woman he is destined to share eternity with, if he can find her... If he can save her...if she is even human...

Notes:

[1] — There's actually a live-action adaptation of Paper Girls on Amazon Prime. So, if you really like it you can also check it out. This is recommended a lot because there's plenty of striking similarities between Paper Girls and Stranger Things. Both feature a group of young heroes; ordinary kids who grew up in the '80s and are plunged into a series of adventures. 

However, Paper Girls is it's own thing and is not an Stranger Things imitation as some people going into it expected it to be. It actually has a different tone, message and concept.

[2] — Stranger Things has many tropes inspired by Stephen King's works such as Carrie, Firestarter, It, The Mist and The Talisman (with a bit of The Body thrown in). This is why whenever someone asks for recommendations his books are always suggested.

[whoredmode]

i already posted a bunch of doodles of him but here’s an actual introduction post

Anteros Prince

September 9, 1982; 24-25 (SR1), 30 (SR2), 33-34 (SRTT/present)

Bisexual

Born and raised in Stilwater.

Before joining the Saints, Anteros was a male stripper just getting by. He always had dreams of making it big and finding his true calling, whatever it may be. Unfortunately for a young Anteros, fate had some interesting plans in mind, and the next thing he knew he was thrown into a new life with the Saints. Though scared out of his mind initially, Anteros eventually came to see his newfound allegiance as a blessing—now, he can’t imagine life any other way.

Still, that dramatic showmanship he was always known for (both in his everyday life and at work at the club) never went away, and he’s always looking for ways to make his next moves bigger and better. These feelings of exuberance (or perhaps bloodlust) only increased after a particularly harrowing, coma-inducing incident on a yacht…but thankfully there’s usually someone around to bring him back down to Earth.

Relationship talks under the cut. Note that I’m kinda following my own canon here so some things may not seem entirely canon. I have my own little rewrite/AU that combines SRTT and SR4 in one bigger, more grounded story.

In the beginning, while still terrified, Anteros found comfort in Dex. He was the one person who made him feel safest, all things considered, and the two confided in each other. There were some developing feelings, but Anteros went comatose before anything could really happen. He’s genuinely heartbroken over how things turned out, and to this day he’s still haunted by his lingering feelings. He still thinks of him often—haunted by his desire to see him again, faintly wondering how things could’ve turned out differently, yet also praying to be the one to put a bullet in his skull. In a way, he considers him dead already: the Dex he knew has been gone a long, long time. Still, this motivation to find Dex again drives a lot of what he does.

Anteros considers Johnny his best friend, as well as Shaundi and Pierce, though that should be obvious. He loves hyping Shaundi up, and though he’s not the best at comforting people, he does make an effort to try to understand her whenever she’s clearly going through it. Anteros and Pierce do end up together eventually, but it takes awhile for them to get to that point. They’d been kinda stepping around the fact for awhile, both a little unsure how a relationship would effect their friendship. Before Anteros and Pierce actually got together, though, Anteros and Johnny had a sorta friends-with-benefits thing going on. It started awhile after Aisha died, but both eventually came to the conclusion that it was better if they just remained friends. After that ended, Anteros and Kinzie were an item for awhile. Quite the power couple, in fact. Though they called it quits eventually, Anteros still considers Kinzie someone very dear to him.

Anteros is still haunted by the death of Carlos, and in response (whether he fully realizes or not) he has become a lot more concerned about younger gang members. This is why he didn’t kill Matt Miller, even if he knows he probably should have. He’s kinda endeared to the kid now, and looks out for him when he can. He still makes fun of him a lot, though. Can’t help it.

Anyway I'm really tired so I'll just end it here. Thanks if you read all this, and by all means please feel free to ask me about Anteros; whether about just him specifically or his relationships with other characters. I'd love to talk about him :]

[hellfirebride]

oc info dump time !!

Gwen

Picrew depiction because the idea of trying to draw rn might kill me.

Gwen is a Death Note oc that's come up in some previous posts of mine (1, 2) as a former Wammy's resident who somehow weasels her way into working with the Japanese Task Force post time-skip. I haven't completely worked out all the details yet, but she probably acted as a foreign student attending the same classes as Sayu Yagami. From that point on, it's just a matter of using her new friendship with the girl to find her way in.

Gwen's got a place in the successor program, though she's very far from the ideal. It's extremely unlikely she would ever inherit the title of L because she's just not dedicated enough to taking up the mantle. Near and Mello wanted to succeed the man. Gwen couldn't find it in herself to decide her own fate, so she ended up just meandering down what's simultaneously the easiest and hardest path she could have chosen at Wammy's.

When it comes to it, she isn't particularly focused on finding Kira to bring him to justice, or to surpass someone else by finding him first. She'll help work on it if she could say she hasn't just been wasting her life in comparison to everyone around her. If she turns back, she thinks it means it's all been for nothing. (She can have a little sunk cost fallacy, as a treat)

At her core, Gwen's an amateur detective that's too afraid to admit that not only does she not know what she's doing with her life, but that she's failing at what she thought she might be able to do. She's not as clever as Mello, or as meticulous as Near. (If anything, she's probably more similar to Matt than either of them) There's absolutely notes of imposter syndrome buried in there.

She's definitely more emotionally driven than her peers, which is both a strength and a weakness in my opinion. It gives her different perspectives than those who would approach situations from a stricter, more logic-based route. At the same time, it's a potential distraction and she runs the risk of becoming too personally attached to her work. She's more outwardly friendly, something that makes her seem like she's ditzy at first (Think Elle Woods). In some cases, I think she would definitely use this to her advantage. She's not unintelligent by any means, it's just that most of her knowledge is spread out into a lot of different topics instead of any one specific topic.

She really did come to like Light, which is unfortunate. She's aware that becoming involved with him is a mistake and that they're both in the wrong, seeing as she's aware he's romantically involved with Misa (and later Takada) at the time. It's also a mistake considering he's an actual mass murderer, but

As for the rest of the task force, she's respectful of them. She understands that they're usually doing the best they can with what they have. The general response to her becoming friends with Matsuda is a lot of "Jesus, now there's two of them."

All of this is kinda just. Dumb stuff and me rambling. I guess I just wanted to share with anyone who might be mildly interested in this garbage because I think about it a lot.

[alj4890]

Is there something your MC and li can never agree on? If yes, what is it?

😂 Oh no. I have too many pairings for this 🤣. Let's see if I can do the ones I write mostly for.

Here we go:

In The Royal Romance: Here's my head cannons for each pair I have written for.

For Riley and Liam: I think Riley would disagree with Liam that they have to continuously go and take part in nobles both in Cordonia and abroad who are practically enemies. Yes, she would see the need to maintain peace, but for those who refuse to work with them or are mean and selfish, she'd see no point in attempting to get their support. Liam of course is the one to give unlimited chances to these individuals and sees it as part of his duty to the crown.

Drake and Olivia: These two will disagree on anything simply because they love to argue with one another 🤣

Rashad and Hana: In my head cannons, Rashad does not understand how Hana can keep doubting herself. Hana doesn't understand how he could possibly think she is perfect at everything. He also disagrees with her believing she must continue to be around her mom when she clearly makes her stressed and unhappy. I think their arguments, though typically sweet, are centered around these issues.

For Maxwell (who now has three love interests, LoL)

X Nadia Park from Perfect Match: I think these two rarely argue. She thinks he's the sweetest and he thinks the same about her. Their arguments would be more playful than actual disagreeing. Both think the other had the best ideas.

X OC*Amanda. My first LI for him who then ended up being better with Thomas Hunt 🤣 Their fights typically centered around jealousy. Since neither can quite accept the fact the other is truly in love with them, they struggle with their insecurities.

X OC* Sherry: 😂 This OC I made for him in my Dark AU might be my favorite one yet and will probably be transitioning into my other non supernatural AU's. Their disagreements centered on Maxwell not accepting that they were fated to be together and in terms of keeping the other safe. I head cannon that both rush into situations with little thought of whether or not they should and it causes the other panic which then results in a fight.

For the WWY AU (TRR Pairs' Grown Children)

Nicky Beaumont x Jackson Nevrakis-Walker: They disagree about their future. Both know they want to be together forever, yet Nicky wants to move forward and go ahead and be married with a family. Jackson doesn't see the need to hurry. He's happy living in the moment while she's happier making plans.

Ellis Rhys x Emily Beaumont: Their friendship turned romance is a favorite of mine. I love that trope 😂 Emily isn't afraid to try new things and go on crazy adventures. Ellis follows her but would much rather stay back and stick to the normal, everyday life they have.

Emerick Rhys x Juliet Nevrakis-Walker: Both have a temper, though Juliet's is quicker. They disagree often on how their relationship (which is all for show at the moment 😉) is portrayed to the public. Juliet worries as people continue to believe the deception and is afraid they won't be able to easily end it. Emerick's confidence that all will work out well grates on her frazzled nerves. His frustrations with her stubbornness and throwing up his romantic past with other ladies causes the two to lash out from time to time.

*******

In Red Carpet Diaries

Thomas Hunt x OC*Amanda: Their arguments center around jealousy and in the other's innate stubbornness. They disagree with how to handle his popularity as a famous Hollywood director and her duties as a duchess from Cordonia. Both just want to spend time together away from the pressures their life throws at them, yet it ends up making them argue and disagree on how to or if they should say no to the demands on their time.

Matt x Addison: These two are like my RCD version of Rashad and Hana. Both think the other is the sweetest and rarely disagree. I think Matt would mention he thinks she should maybe not get involved so much in their friends' love lives. Addison disagrees and continues to try and push the pairs she thinks should be together.

Ryan x Holly: My closest to having another Drake and Olivia 🤣 Holly loves to disagree with Ryan, which frustrates him beyond measure. He believes his charm is enough to get through any situation. Holly just can't let that happen.

**********

For Bloodbound:

Jax x MC*Alex: They disagree over who should take point in either a fight or unknown situation. Each one can't stand the thought of the other possibly getting hurt or losing the one they love.

*********

Open Heart

Bryce x MC*Chris They disagree over time spent with his family. Chris is all about making peace and moving on. She thinks that means spending more holidays and talking to them on a regular basis. Bryce might forgive his parents, but he doesn't believe that means he has to spend as much time as he can with them in order to maintain that peace.

Tobias x MC* Chris: I've just started delving into them being together so I haven't quite figured out what they will disagree over. I'm planning on writing more for them so we will see what comes about 😉

[radicalrascals]

@etxrnaleclipse for 🎰 5 random muse pairs

Gloriousness awaits below the cut, cuz it long. It very long.

~ ~ ~

Matt Stirling - Niamh Murphy

Not every soul makes it to the afterlife. Some get stuck. Especially those yearning for closure, haunting the realm of the living until their murderer is found. Niamh is a spirit farer, an expert in handling souls and taking them to the afterlife. She's also an expert in being dubbed a weirdo and a fake. But what she's definitely not an expert in, is cracking murder cases. So it happens that after getting the boot again, and again, and again with the local police, Niamh ends up at Matt Stirling's doorstep. Initial wariness aside, his knowledge of human nature tells him that trusting the Irish loudmouth is at least worth a shot. And really, she manages to pull important hints out of thin air that eventually lead to closing a cold case. Now they keep working together every now and then, with Niamh providing sometimes vital information for Matt's undercover work, and Matt keeping her out of trouble. It's an unlikely friendship, but they somehow made it work.

~ ~ ~

Eric Carlson - Liam Talbot

Petty criminal, spellslinger with no formal education. When Eric Carlson accepted his latest target, it should have been a walk in the park. William Donovan Talbot. His dark magic escapades have claimed quite a lot of lives. Collateral damage. But no excuse. He knew how to go about things, and tracking down his target was a breeze. But that would be when the easy ended and his assignment would quickly veer into the realm of the impossible. Because Liam proved to be quite resistant to being killed. Neither had the upper hand over the other. No gun-fu and vampiric reflexes, no hexes and thievish hiding skills could turn the tide. The longer their enmity persisted, the more absurd it would feel. In moments of weakness, both felt drawn to each other. They could fight, then end up in each others arms, but the next morning Eric would have his gun pointing at Liam and Liam had a hex on the tip of his tongue. Where there were insults and teasing, there was a mutual understanding, and eventually they both had to admit that they were just both broken in their own right, and perhaps deserved each other.

~ ~ ~

Leopold Grimm - Robyn Whittaker

One early morning, the sun had only just began creeping over the horizon, Robyn heard a frantic knock at her door. She was ready to haul the disturber over the coals, but when she answered the door, her anger turned to sympathy in the course of a very short-lived rant. The man outside was remarkably young and exceptionally old at the same time. His face was weatherbeaten and fresh scratches met ancient scars on a canvas mostly obscured by the hood of his heavy coat. The man was pleading to be invited in, to escape the sunlight. His story was so absurd, it could've been straight from a novel. Perhaps even her own. In a bout of bravery Robyn let the vampire in and they spent the entire day talking. With the sunset, the vampire would leave and Robyn was left wondering if their encounter had been all but a dream. A few nights passed and she would find an unstamped letter at her doorstep, in beautiful cursive with a little bouquet of dried forget-me-nots. No, she wouldn't forget him. She'd see to it that he lived on, in stories that would make his infinitely sad eyes light up with joy again.

~ ~ ~

William Brandt - Gabriel Herrán

Switching sides had been working out for the better of two months now, and though Gabriel was mostly confined to work in a dull, stuffy office, giving the occasional briefing to cops so thick it made him wonder how he was ever worried about being caught in the first place, he had accepted it as his new normal. A somewhat purgatorial normal, a monotonous normal. That was until one fateful day he was very ceremoniously escorted to the IMF hq, where he was to meet his perfect doppelgänger. Or was he the doppelgänger? William Brandt and Gabriel Herrán spent an eternity walking circles around each other, like to stray alley cats getting to know each other. William had studied every detail of Gabriel's (thanks to Detective Carlisle's relentless efforts) impressive file. Gabriel was studying William's gestures and mannerisms and adopting them in a frightening speed. Finally he was tasked with something more than office work. Finally Gabriel could really prove himself. And that this was being dubbed an impossible mission, only fulled his enthusiasm. He agreed before he had heard William's full proposition.

~ ~ ~

Vaneza da Silva - Maria Delgado

Undoubtedly having inherited her father's curiosity, stubbornness and sadly his quality of being a trouble maker magnet, too, Vaneza eventually landed herself in a bit of a mess; During a tense protest in downtown New York, Nessa navigated through the crowd, determined to capture the event's raw energy. Amid the chaos, she got pushed to the ground, hitting her head. Maria Delgado spotted her fall and rushed to help, her calm presence a stark contrast to the surrounding turmoil. As Maria tended to her wound, they exchange names and banter. They shared a few laughs, leading Nessa to joke about getting into trouble just to see Maria again. To preempt Nessa's impish nature, she gives Vaneza her number - under the pretext of medical follow-up. But they both felt a spark of connection that hinted at something more.

[ess-presso]

actually fuck tumblr fr cant believe they deleted my ask smh.

fear not im back :)

fic rec for u! it was only a kiss! by remuslives23 (wolfstar, they drink some firewhiskey and accidentally kiss. v cute)

miss taylor: the last great american dynasty, state of grace, & wonderland <3

i'll reanswer ur qs from last time:

ive got no allergies! that i know of at least. im safe for now. i truly fear the day i find out im suddenly allergic to a food i love (can that even happen?? i hope not)

i totally believe in fate, i think everything kinda happens for a reason and everyone meets people for a reason. if its meant to be itll be, and if its not meant to be then its just not meant to be. some things (most things) are out of our control so whats the point in trying to control what happens to us and who we meet. i say we go with the flow (i say this as the most anxious person on the planet who cant handle change or unfamiliarity)

i accidentally messed up a good friendship a few years ago, basically i wasnt there for someone when they needed me (to be fair we were both going thru it so i didnt even realize) but theyre happier now and so am i so all is well.

i wake up bright and early (its almost noon) i gracefully get out of bed (i drag myself out of bed) i make myself a hearty nutritious meal (i make coffee and some toast if its a good day) i get ready for class (i change into sweatpants and brush my teeth) i head to campus (my class is online. i stay in bed for the rest of the day)

fav superhero forever spiderman & daredevil. and thor cause hes a dumbass and funny but PETER PARKER & MATT MURDOCK MY LOVES!!!

id switch lives with someone crazy wealthy like elon musk or jeff bezos so i can drain their bank accounts and donate to people in need and solve world hunger <3 or maybe timothee chalamet cause id love to know what goes on in his mind hes so funny sometimes.

i wish i had written just lovers by zar bc that fic will forever be my favourite thing ever. its just so damn good and to be the author of it would be truly an honour.

i wish i had written maybe the iliad & odyssey cause 1. theyre freaking epic & 2. homer mightve not been a real person so if i was homer i would be an mysterious enigma.

ive never been in love actually, despite being a hopeless romantic. ive liked people but it never got further than that so ig im just waiting for the right person to come along !

im so loud as a drunk. i WILL sing along to anything playing and i WILL dance horribly. im also giggly cause everything becomes hilarious to me. i do sometimes get confrontational too but thats only if i drink white rum, for some reason.

our worst fight can hardly be considered a fight cause its so dumb but she had called me to ask if id be there for her bday party, i said i might not be able to cause i had 4 papers due the weekend of her party and then she got really upset cause she wanted me there and then i got upset cause i wanted to be there really bad but i was overwhelmed with school and exams and we kinda just sobbed at each other for like 10 mins before we hung up. she called me back a few mins later and we both apologized for being stupid and then i told her id get my papers done so i could go which solved our problem. luckily i did get my papers done in time and i made it🎉 i think i wrote almost 10,000 words in the span of 2 days it was torture truly.

prob last time i saw liv which was in january :( damn her for going to a diff city for uni fr. but we walked in circles around this lake for a few hours and chatted shit about the bitchy people we went to high school with & it was lovely.

jegulily i think yes! james has two hands. i havent read any of them yet but if i find a good fic i plan on it. plus i think their dynamic has good potential & i love each of the individual characters so very much so.

10 things i hate about you!!!!!! other favs include: mamma mia, enchanted, 13 going on 30, and princess diaries. tbh i dont watch a lot of romcoms so idek if these technically count as romcoms but whatever i love them so.

IT!!!!!!!!!!!! i was fucking obsessed with that movie in 2017 i made it my entire personality.

qs for u!

piercings vs tattoos?

fav superhero?

fav fic of all time?

what would your animagus form be?

what's your literary archetype? (fun lil quiz, i got ruler )

what are you like while drunk?

is it better to speak or to die?

preferred method of annotating books? (ie. do u add random commentary or do u add insightful analysis)

when listening to music, are u more of a lyrics person or a sound person?

thats all for now! praying tumblr doesnt fuck this one up too🙏

-bee :)

beeeeeeee :))))))

girl u gonna have to forgive me for this but I woke up and Tumblr was like 'u didn't save this draft would u like to restore it' and I was like 'YES MOTHERFUCKER' and it was ur other ask but I will answer these Taylor songs here !!!! and I got a free extra fic rec , so I'll give u 2 in the other ask .

(feeling sorry for ur poor old fingers u soldier)

tay tay -

the last great American dynasty - MARY MACDONALD - that song speaks of love and loss to me and damn it if it isn't Mary macdonald at the end of her life all alone and everything. I mean can u not just see her 'pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea'?

state of grace - JEGULUS - that entire song is basically regulus thinking about their love and how it was so unexpected 'I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same' (also James tearing reg's armour down ????)

wonderland - JILY / DRARRY - now hear me out , I think that the chorus bit where it's all 'didn't they tell us' and everything is a split convo between lily and James where she's all sad and depressed and mad and James is just there for her trying to convince her that it'll all be okay and they're fine. now , dreary , because I think 'didn't you flash your green eyes at me / didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile' is such a Draco thing to say about harry. like he would be so so worried and harry would just have this complete confidence that everything would be a-ok.

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

[pucksnsticksnhockeyboys]

never isn’t an option - pt. 2

summary: you’re tired of hiding how you feel from Matthew, so you risk everything for chance at happiness.

warnings: none really, angst 

word count: 4.7k

note from the writer: here it is! this is the last part, and I'm super proud of how this whole thing turned out. make sure to take this survey to help me decide what to work on next!

read part one here

Three weeks. It had been three, miserable, weeks since you last saw Matt. It felt like an eternity, and you weren’t sure how you had managed to go so long without seeing him. He was your best friend, and he had made every attempt to reach out to you since then. Texts, snapchats, and even a phone call late one night. It was killing you to be so distant from him.

“So what’d you do to Chucky?”

Rasmus asked the question between shoveling fries in his mouth. He had practically dragged you out of your apartment, taking you to the hole-in-the wall diner down the street and ordering some very non-nutritionist approved food before you could get a word in. If it was under any other circumstances, you would have rolled your eyes at his lack of table manners. Instead, you shrugged your shoulders lamely and pushed your own fries around your plate.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You hummed quietly. He wasn’t talking about your failed attempt at confessing your feelings, you were sure of it, because you had gone over that with him at least four times since the incident.

“At first, he was moping because of the thing,” he started, and you were glad it didn’t outright announce what the thing was. Avoiding his gaze, he continued. “And then like a week ago he just got worse. He’s always in a mood now, and you can’t tell me you haven’t seen how sloppy he’s been on the ice.”

“I haven’t been watching the games.” The confession tumbled past your lips before you could stop them, and Rasmus gave you a pointed look. You rarely missed a game, even before you met Matt and fell in love and had your heart broken. “But I’ve been keeping track of scores, at least.”

“My point is, something must have happened to make things worse and I want to know what it is.” He continued before the conversation was completely derailed. You might have been hurting, but that didn’t stop you from caring for Matt unconditionally, so you thought for a minute about what had happened. If you were willing to be honest with yourself, you probably weren’t the most reliable source of information on Matt’s life anymore. It hurt, but you had been removed from him for three weeks. All except for—

“He called me a week and a half ago, late at night.” You offered, trying not to think about if you still were able to affect him so much. Sure, you were his best friend, but you ruined everything with the impulsive decision to confess your feelings.

“Well, what’d you talk about?” Rasmus asked as if the question was obvious. You shrugged, looking back down at your plate. He nudged you with his foot under the table, and you sighed while reluctantly meeting his concerned gaze.

“Nothing really, I told him I was on a date and—”

“You were what?” He interrupted, a little too loudly for the quiet diner but he completely missed the disgruntled look from the middle aged woman behind the counter as he waited for you to explain yourself expectantly. You groaned, dropping your head into your hands and propping your elbows up on the table. “Who were you on a date with? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you’d freak out like this!” You exclaimed, waving a hand dramatically in his direction. “And it was with one of my friend’s coworkers, she made me go to try and get over Matt.”

“And you told him you were with another guy?” Rasmus asked dumbfoundedly and you nodded bashfully. He sighed, shaking his head at you and you felt as if you were in the principal's office after getting caught doing something you shouldn’t. But you were an adult, you could go out with anyone you wanted. “Wait, if Matt called you late, what were you still doing on a date?”

“Because,” you hesitated, flushing at having to confess what you were next to him. “I went back to his place to, you know, but then Matt called and I bailed right after.” Despite the situation, Rasmus laughed loudly, leaning back in his booth and you wondered where he found humor in the situation.

“So you didn’t even sleep with the guy?” He asked, grin on his face as you nodded sheepishly. You had been fully prepared to, having convinced yourself that not-quite rebound sex was a good idea, but you changed your mind upon hearing Matt’s voice. “Man, you’re so in love with him.”

“Shut up.” You groaned, no heat in your voice. “It doesn’t matter anyways, he doesn’t feel the same and I’m probably never going to see him again, so.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be his plus one to the charity event tomorrow?” The question had the blood draining from your face—you had completely forgotten. It was always assumed that you were Matt’s plus one to Flames events, and you’ve had the charity gala marked on your calendar for over a month.

“I doubt he wants to see me.” You tried to reason, but Rasmus shook his head. He grabbed your phone, and all you could do was watch as he unlocked it and opened your texts.

“That’s definitely not true, like, at all.” He teased, typing out a message for you. You practically jumped out of your seat once you realized just who he was sending a text to, but by the time you reached his side of the booth the message was sent and your fate was sealed.

“Did you really just text Matt—”

“Oh look, he’s already responded.” Rasmus sounded far too pleased with himself for your liking, but you ignored him entirely as you snatched your phone back that he had been dangling in your face. You read Rasmus’ text to Matt first, biting your lip in nerves. ‘You still want me to go to the charity thing with you, right?’ Matt’s response was simple, and came in near record time, but you forced yourself not to think too much into his ‘of course I do’ because you knew that was exactly how you’d break your heart all over again.

You glanced up from your phone and met Rasmus’ smug grin, smile toying with the corners of your lips no matter how badly you wanted to frown at him. His simple sentence was enough to set off a parade of butterflies inside you, but you forced yourself to remember that he didn’t feel the same.

“This doesn’t mean anything.”

Time seemed to pass before your eyes, because before you got the chance to properly breathe and process what exactly entailed a night of being Matthew’s plus one while avoiding thinking about your unreciprocated feelings, he was knocking at your apartment door to pick you up.

You counted to three before opening, both to ground yourself and make it seem as if you hadn't been anxiously waiting for him. Even still, you weren’t ready for how breathtakingly handsome he looked. He was dressed in your favorite suit of his—you were certain he knew it was your favorite, you made a point to tell him that each time he wore it for games—and his hair was put together in a way that seemed effortless.

“Hi.” You breathed quietly, having to be the first to break the silence. He was still taking you in, his gaze raking up and down your figure in the outfit you had picked out weeks before. Like nothing changed, you felt a shiver run down your spine under his gaze.

“You look, wow.” He spoke, a reverence to his voice that had your heart beating faster. You knew being his plus one would be a challenge, but he was making it incredibly hard for you to focus on being just friends with him while he looked at you like that.

“You clean up nice yourself, Mr. Tkachuk.” You told him, the teasing a ghost of your past relationship with him you hoped would transfer to your new role as someone that he rejected. He chuckled, and you decided that maybe things wouldn’t have to change as much as you thought they would.

“Anything for you.” He hummed, and then like he hadn’t said that, he offered you his hand. You took it on instinct, slipping your hand in his and allowing him to pull you out of your apartment and into the elevator. Matt had ordered a car for the night, the same as he always did, and you smiled politely as he opened the door for you.

Even when you were both in the back of the car together, he slipped his hand back in yours, moving it into his lap so he could play with your fingers. You watched him carefully, wondering if he knew how much of an effect he had on you and he was doing it on purpose or if he was trying to make your friendship as normal as possible. You weren’t sure which one you preferred more.

You also wondered how long you’d be able to keep this up. How long you’d be able to stand by his side and pretend that you were perfectly fine with being nothing more than Matt’s friend. You were certain that if you had to sit by one more time and watch him flirt with someone else you’d be physically sick.

Small talk was made to fill the silence, but beneath that you could feel that there was something unsaid, something holding Matt back from being fully present with you. It hurt you to think that maybe that something holding him back was you and what you had said, but you knew you couldn’t have gone on much longer just pining away.

You just wished that Rasmus had been right about how Matt felt.

It didn’t take long for you to run into the other guys once in the venue for the charity gala, especially not with Matt leading you around with his hand dangerously low on the small of your back. You pretended to ignore the smug look Rasmus sent you as you greeted David with a hug, and after pleasantries were exchanged you found yourself tucked back into Matt’s side. You were chatting with one of the guys’ dates—you couldn’t remember who she came with, considering Matt’s touch was dizzying—when she asked you the one question you had been hoping to avoid all night.

“So are you guys together?”

She meant no harm by it, and you couldn’t blame her for asking, considering the fact that Matt had barely let you out of arm's reach since you arrived, but your smile still fell from your face. You saw recognition cross her face, knowing she must have realized that her assumption was incorrect, and you schooled your features into a polite and totally fake smile as she started sputtering out apologies.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You assured her, but she still looked horrified. You sympathized, you remembered how terrifying it was to first meet all the guys’ significant others for the first time—even though you were not one of the guys’ significant others, if the past few weeks taught you anything.

Her date came then to rescue her, Sam grinning at you as if he knew something you didn’t. You made a mental note to grill him about the new girl he was seeing and didn’t tell you about, but suddenly it was just you and Matt left standing by the bar. You turned to face him, only to find he was already watching you with a look that was a little too close to admiration for your liking.

“Have I told you how good you look?” He murmured, one hand falling to your hip as if he couldn’t help himself. You wanted to be mad. You wanted to scold him for toying with you despite knowing your feelings. But you couldn’t. Instead, you welcomed his touch and gave him a bright smile only he ever seemed to be able to drag out of you.

“Wouldn’t hurt to hear it again.” You mused playfully, distantly wondering just when it became so easy to talk to some that knew your feelings and didn’t reciprocate them. Matt chuckled at your comment, the sound lifting your heart momentarily.

“I’ll tell you that for the rest of my life.”

And that… felt way too much like something that it clearly wasn’t. Too much like a promise of forever that he couldn’t give you. That he wasn’t willing to give you.

Your smile faltered then, and Matt must have seen it because his did too and suddenly you were both looking at each with looks too somber for the mood of the gala going on around you. You hated it for a multitude of reasons, but the one that struck you the most was that no matter how normal things seemed, you being his plus one and hanging out with his teammates, things would never truly be normal. Your confession ruined things permanently with him, and you’d have to suffer the consequences.

Matt opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but someone in an official looking suit approached and stole Matt’s attention from you. Even after the man said he needed to talk business with Matt, it took a second for him to look away from you, like it pained him to take his gaze off of you.

“Can we talk for a minute, Mr. Tkachuk?” The man asked, though you knew before he said anything he’d be pulling Matt away from you. Matt nodded politely, knowing he’d have to leave and go charm the rich guys. It was a charity gala, after all.

Before he left, though, he turned to you once more and bent down so he was level with your ear, lips brushing against your skin at his proximity and you felt a shiver run down your spine. It was quickly replaced with an ache in your chest, knowing that no matter how much you wanted to kiss him, it simply wasn’t in the card for you.

“Nate’s a lucky guy.” He whispered, breath blowing against your ear and you had to actively force yourself to not shut your eyes. He pulled back almost immediately, a grin much sadder than his previous business smile having found a home on his handsome face. He left you, then, confused about what he meant.

It took a moment, but you realized that he was talking about Nick, the guy you had gone on one date with. You rolled your eyes, knowing he mixed up the names on purpose—he did the same with your ex boyfriend, the one you had been dating when you became friends with the Flames. Matt made a point to call him by a different variation of his name each time, and by the end of the relationship, Kyle and somehow managed to change to Liam.

Before, you had held onto the hope that he did it because he was jealous. Now there wasn’t an excuse for his behavior. You doubted that he forgot, but at this point it made more sense to you than jealousy being the cause.

You weren’t alone long before Johnny joined you, leaning against the bar with a look you had seen several times before. Usually, though, it wasn’t directed at you.

“You went on date with someone?” He bypassed pleasantries, and you weren’t surprised, given the exasperated look on his face.

“Who told you, Rasmus or Matt?” You sighed, smiling politely at the bartender who placed in front of you the drink you had ordered soon after Matt left.

“Rasmus did. Matt hasn’t talked about you since he told me he loved you.” He sounded so sure of his words, like it was a fact such as the sky was blue and grass was green and Matthew loved you. But it wasn’t that simple, and you set the glass in your hand down on the counter, suddenly losing your desire for it.

“That’s… no, Johnny. He doesn’t.” You shook your head, focusing on everything, anything, but Johnny.

“He does, and so do you, so just talk to each other.” He sounded tired, and you wondered if he’d given this speech before. You wondered if he gave this speech to Matt, because you surely weren’t the only one in this situation that needed to be lectured. But then again, you knew firsthand how stubborn Matt could be.

“Look, he made it very clear that he didn’t feel the same. So I’m going to just be his friend, and that’s fine.” It certainly wasn’t fine, but you weren’t about to tell Johnny that. Not when you wanted nothing more than the conversation to be over.

“You two are ridiculous.” Johnny huffed, but then it was his turn to be swept off to sweet talk donors, and you gave him a tight smile as he left.

When Matt found you again later than evening, you were in a considerably worse mood than when he left. You were tired of hearing about how he loved you when just only three weeks prior you had left his apartment broken hearted. You weren’t mad at Johnny, you were certain you could never be mad at him, but the entire situation had you annoyed. Not even a light conversation with the wives and girlfriends of other players could fix your sour mood, so you barely paid Matt any attention when he slipped into the free seat next to you at one of the many tables set up in the ballroom.

Your phone was sitting innocently on top of the table, having been discarded there the moment you sat down and engaged Brodie’s wife in conversation. It buzzed halfway through an anecdote about the last roadie, and you picked it up to see you had a text.

“Is that from Nash?” Matt whispered in your ear, voice quiet so no one else at the table could hear. You shot him a pointed look, knowing who he was referring to. He misinterpreted your silence as a question, and you watched as a slight pout found its way onto his face. “That guy you went on a date with.”

“That’s Nick, and this is my mom.” You held up your phone, flashing him the screen so he saw that the name at the top of the conversation was not Nick or Nate or Nash or any other guy. “So try again, Matthew.”

“Wait, are you mad at me?” For a second, you could have sworn you saw a happy look in his eyes. It left as soon as he realized you called him by his full name and not any of the nicknames he was so accustomed to.

“I’m not talking about this here.” You whispered harshly, turning back to the table with the full intention of listening to whichever of the wives had taken over storytelling duty. You knew you were being short with Matt, but your conversation with Johnny had left a sour taste on your tongue and a heavy weight in your chest.

“Fine.” Matt replied, and you stupidly thought that would be the end of the discussion until the end of the night. But you should have known better, should have known Matthew better, because suddenly he was taking a hold of your hand and pulling you up and out of your chair.

“Matt, what—” You started, but he wasn’t even looking at you. He was facing the table of concerned wives and girlfriends, all of them trying to figure out what was going on between you and Matt. All of them except for Johnny’s girlfriend, who was grinning like the cat that got the canary.

“We’re heading out, tell the boys I left.” He told them, and you barely got the chance to say goodbye before Matt was leading you out of the venue, handing out excuses over his shoulder to men in suits you knew for a fact he was supposed to be stopping and talking to. One man jumped in front of Matt to stop him, and Matt stopped so abruptly you nearly crashed into him.

“Matthew, do you have a minute to talk about your point predictions this season?” The man asked as a mere formality. If his appearance told you anything, it was that he was one of the rich donors Matt was supposed to charm for the evening.

“I can’t, sir, my girlfriend isn’t feeling well and I’ve got to take her home.” Matt lied easily, though it didn’t seem much like a lie with the way your face paled at the fake title he gave you in order to get out of the situation. It wasn’t the first time he’d pretended to be your boyfriend, he’d done it a dozen and one times while out at bars and clubs to get random guys to stop talking to you. But it carried a different weight now, now that he knew how you felt and now that you had been rejected by him.

“Ah, well, you better get her home.” The man said, but you barely registered it. Your stomach was in knots and your lips were pursed into a tight line, and even in the car on the way back to your apartment you didn’t say a word. Matt kept his hand in yours, though, and you were certain that the only thing keeping you grounded at the moment was his thumb brushing comfortingly over the back of your hand.

You led the way into your apartment and left Matthew to shut the door as you changed into a pair of sleep shorts and a baggy sweatshirt you were certain was probably his. He had already made himself comfortable on your couch, his suit jacket tossed over the back of your arm chair. He had loosened his tie and it was clear that he had been running his hands through his hair, and he looked entirely like the boyfriend you wanted but couldn't have.

You waited for him to speak first, making a point to scroll through your phone instead of meeting his gaze that fell heavy on you. If he was going to drag you out of the gala, then he was going to have to explain why. He cleared his throat after minute five of nothing but tense silence in your living room.

“Rasmus told me that you bailed on your date after I called.”

Of course he did, you thought, making a mental note to lecture the defenseman about keeping secrets the next time you saw him. You didn’t look at Matt as you nodded, but you did turn off your phone and drop it into your lap.

“Good, that’s—yeah, good.” He nodded to himself, and something inside you snapped. Your brows tugged together like you were trying to solve something complex and annoyance bubbled up in your chest.

“I tell you how I feel and you let me down, so I move on.” You started, voice firm despite the fact you felt your resolve breaking down. You had assumed that you’d go on to live the rest of your life never addressing what happened at Matthew’s, but now you were bringing it all back up. “I go on a blind date and you get annoyed. If we can’t be friends anymore then just tell me because I can—”

“I love you.” Matt interrupted, rushing to assure you that not having you in his life was something he absolutely did not want.

“I—what?” You stopped, feeling your heart stop and blood freeze. That was the exact last thing you expected to hear him say, and who could really blame you, considering the way things ended the last time you talked about your feelings with him. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.” He hurried to correct you. Your look of confusion only deepened, a frown etched into your face as you tried to figure out what angle Matt was working. He shifted from his spot on the opposite end of your couch to directly beside you. “Johnny knocked some sense into me the other day.”

“What day?” You asked slowly and quietly. You knew Matt would never do anything to hurt you and pretending to love you the way you loved him would certainly count as hurting you, but the instant trust wasn’t there. You were protecting yourself, slowly opening up instead of immediately jumping into his arms.

“Twenty minutes before I called you when you were on your date with Noah.”

“Nate.” You corrected, sounding a little too winded for having just been sitting on the couch. But Matt had an effect on you and you were certain he always would.

“Nick, but nice try.” Matt smirked and it was then that you realized you had screwed up your own date’s name. You didn’t care in the slightest about Noah or Nate or Nash or whoever he was, because Matt was sitting before you and Matt was offering you his heart.

“You really love me?” You asked, teetering on the edge of giving into Matt. You saw something akin to heartbreak flash in his eyes, a result of you even questioning his love. He nodded, then, slowly and calmly and you were certain that was the only time you had even seen Matt do something slowly and calmly. “Then do something about it, please.”

He wasted no time then in connecting his lips to yours in a kiss so long awaited the entire world slipped away in an instant. Before, Matt was overt in his affection, kisses pressed to your cheeks and forehead and hands and shoulders—anywhere but your lips. You’d always had an idea of what Matt’s lips on yours would feel like, but nothing could have prepared you for the feeling of being kissed so soundly by the love of your life—of being kissed by Matt.

It could have been ten seconds or ten minutes, but you felt breathless by the time Matt pulled back. He was grinning from ear to ear, a look you were certain was mirrored on your face. No words were shared, at first, and he brushed a strand of hair out of your face in an act so tender and so intimate you felt yourself falling for him all over again.

“Was that good enough?” Matt teased, and despite that fact that you rolled your eyes you chased after his lips for another kiss. He hummed in content against you, which elicited a giggle from you and soon you were both in a fit of laughter on your couch for no good reason other than the fact that you were two idiots in love.

“So Johnny talked to you, huh?” You questioned, catching your breath. Matt rolled his eyes, clearly remembering how Johnny told him to get his shit together. He replied with a nod, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him.

“Told me that I loved you, made me realize I’m an idiot.” He explained, a lightness in his voice as he admired you openly. You had his undivided attention, a fact that made your heart soar.

“You kinda were an idiot.” You teased, earning no argument and a laugh from him. You couldn’t help yourself, then, leaning up to press a kiss to the corner of his lips. He didn’t let you retreat far, chasing after your lips for a series of short and sweet kisses. Finally, after what could have been an eternity later, you parted and dropped your head against his shoulders.

“I’m sorry I let you walk away.” He told you sadly, his tone serious and sentence punctuated by kisses pressed to the top of your head. His somber mood should have transferred to you, but you were riding the high of being loved by him so wholly you felt it to the tips of your toes.

“As long as you never do it again.” You told him. You were smiling, certain that you wouldn't be able to stop smiling for the next few weeks. And, slowly, the expression was mirrored on Matt’s face and nothing but honesty flooded his crystal blue eyes as he spoke next.

“Never.”

Never, for Matthew, was the only option.

[maybankiara]

PHONE SWAP (DREW STARKEY)

18: MR. WHITE CLAW

summary: Addie Mallory is just your average economics student when she meets Drew Starkey at her local Target in Atlanta. This is where the story is supposed to end – a short meeting and a picture to go – except Drew accidentally leaves with the wrong phone, and the story begins, instead.

w/c: 4.4k

a/n: long one! sorry about it. i promise it won’t happen a lot. also, if i catch one of yous hating on holden you’re gonna catch these hands. <3

read on wattpad

previous part | series masterlist

Me | 6:42pm I swear it’s fate that you’re coming back today because you know what Me | 6:42pm MARIANNE IS MAKING GOULASH TOMORROW Me | 6:43pm surprisingly unrelated to you coming back but hey!!

Drew | 6:45pm no way! Drew | 6:45pm Does she make good goulash?

Me | 6:46pm I’d be able to tell if she ever made it before lmao Me | 6:46pm it’s her first time Me | 6:47pm but she’s a pretty good cook overall so!! I wouldn’t expect like a masterpiece or whatever but a decent meal??? Me | 6:47pm f yeah

Drew | 6:48pm I’m inviting myself over Drew | 6:50pm what time should I come by?

Me | 6:57pm if you think for one (1) second that this wasn’t an invitation Me | 6:57pm you are terribly wrong, mr. white claw man

Drew | 7:01pm ok but WHEN SHOULD I COME OVER

Me | 7:02pm oh right 

Drew | 7:05pm ???

Me | 7:05pm Marianne says goulash will be around 6 but you can come over at like 4 or 5 so we can catch up!! Me | 7:06pm I still need to show you the album!! I developed some photos I took since we hung out

Drew | 7:07pm 4 sounds great, can’t wait!! Drew | 7:07pm I’ll make sure to bring some White Claw Drew | 7:07pm What does Marianne drink?

Me | 7:08pm Vodka Me | 7:08pm Tequilla Me | 7:09pm jk you don’t have to bring anything, we have enough alcohol in the fridge

Drew | 7:10pm Still bringing beer

Me | 7:10pm And good vibes

Drew | 7:10pm And good vibes, of course

Me | 7:10pm Gonna be good 😄

◇

The bell rings shortly past four o’clock, and Addie buzzes their guest in with a smile on her face. Marianne peeks from the kitchen, leaning over the corner, strands of her hair falling from underneath the headband-bun combo she’s sporting for the cooking. 

  ‘Is it the celebrity judge?’

  ‘Sure is a judge,’ Addie says, unlocking the door. ‘Not so sure he’d like the celebrity title.’

  The door opens and reveals a smiling Drew, in his usual attire – a simple grey tee with a Queen logo on it, black jeans, and a baseball cap. Greetings are exchanged, and then Drew’s taking his shoes off as Addie warns him that maybe Marianne might be a bit much today. There’s a casual whiff of cologne that Addie catches – it’s similar to Holden’s minty one, but simpler.

  ‘You ready to munch on some British-French-American-Hungarian goulash?’

  He raises an eyebrow. ‘Is anyone ever ready for that?’

  ‘Nope. But Marianne has just called you the celebrity judge of her nonexistent cooking show, so you’ve got no choice but to be ready.’

  ‘Fair,’ he says, just as Marianne shouts from the kitchen, ‘I’ll have my cooking show soon!’

  The self-proclaimed chef pops out of the kitchen, wielding a spatula covered in a dark red, thick liquid. Her red-and-white apron is tied haphazardly around her waist; both the apron and the sweatpants have already become victims to her cooking, and the bun seems to be getting looser by the minute. Marianne flashes the two a massive grin, one finger pointed at Drew.

  ‘Drew!’

  ‘Marianne!’

  Her grin widens so much Addie’s worried it’ll rip her cheeks. She wiggles her finger, then, in a come here motion. ‘I need your goulash expertise, stat.’

  ‘Give the man a moment to breathe,’ says Addie. Next to her, Drew chuckles. 

  ‘Do you want to enjoy the goulash?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Then let the ones who can make it good do it and stay out of it.’ Marianne crosses her arms over her chest, and a drop of liquid falls off the spatula. She doesn’t even notice. ‘Drew?’

  ‘Coming right up, boss.’ 

  With a pat on the back from Addie, Drew departs into the kitchen. Marianne is already listing off all the things that she’s put in the goulash, how she’s done it so far, and how the internet has told her needs to be done from now on. Addie tunes most of it out – while she thinks Marianne is one of the best cooks she’s ever met, after living with her for over a year, some things you can’t help but get used to and eventually, get a little bit tired of. She’s happy there’s Drew, though, because he’s either very interested in Marianne’s process and amused by her telling of it, or very good at pretending to be so.

  Addie grabs a rather small box with a pink bow on it out of the hallway drawer, right next to a grey envelope, then makes her way to the stack of French books lying underneath the TV. The newest copy of a first-edition of The Unbearable Lightness of Being in French is lying on top of a photo album, the same one that Addie told Drew stories from the last time he was over here. She tucks it under her arm and brings it to the kitchen, which has a prominent smell of Marianne’s cooking – a lot of spices, some of them even scattered around with powder spilling out at the edges, and wine that’s both a part of the dish and accompanying Marianne and whoever’s keeping her company. This time it’s Drew, so instead of wine, there’s a can of White Claw in his hands. Addie chuckles to herself.

  Marianne, huddled over the steaming pot, motions for Addie to come closer without looking. ‘How does this smell?’

‘I don’t know how a goulash is supposed to smell.’

  ‘Like that,’ Drew answers. ‘Stop worrying so much.’

  ‘If it can be better, I’ll make it better,’ replies Marianne, then asks him to contribute with some spices and then stir it. ‘If it goes badly, you made it. If it’s great, I made it.’

  Drew laughed. It was a big kind of laugh, the one that fills out the entire room. Taking a seat at their modest dining table, Addie realised it’s been a while since anyone other than the two of them laughed so freely in this place. (That just made her miserable; she needs to stop focusing so much on work and her studies if she wants to retain a semblance of a social life.) She puts the album down, and places the box right underneath it – just enough to be noticeable.

  ‘Addie, you didn’t tell me your roommate is basically the female equivalent to Gordon Ramsay.’ Drew’s leaning against one of the cupboards, sipping his drink with a smile. Marianne elbows him in the shoulder, frowning. 

  ‘The kids one, maybe. I don’t swear, that’s Addie’s job. She’s the sailor.’

  ‘Bitch,’ says Addie under her breath, feeling warmth creeping up into her cheeks as she smiles. ‘Calling me out like that.’

  Marianne doesn’t look at her, but Addie hears her quiet giggle. ‘That’s a quarter.’

  Addie sighs, and Drew lets out a chuckle that sounds a lot like oh. He probably figured out what the jar filled up with quarters is, and Addie thinks he’s finding it a little too amusing, so she says, ‘Don’t laugh.’ 

  Of course, it doesn’t work.

  ‘That’s kind of funny, you’ve got to admit.’

  ‘No.’

  He raises his eyebrows at her, not even trying to hide the smile. Addie calls him to look at the albums, after she places a quarter in the jar, because she can feel Marianne is about to side with him and go on a tirade where she makes fun of Addie’s bad habit – not that she minds, really, but she’d much rather see what Drew thinks of the photographs and his birthday present. 

  It ends up taking him a long time to notice it, which starts driving Addie nuts, but she wants him to be the one to notice it, because… Well. She doesn’t really have a reason. 

  They go through the photographs and Marianne is hovering over Drew’s shoulder, nearly dripping the goulash a few times onto the album, until Addie tells her that her goulash is burning (it isn’t) and she finally leaves the spatula where it belongs, before coming back to look. She likes the photos, and so does Drew – Addie had most of them developed, both from Waystone and the park they were in. Most of them were of the places, but there were a few of Drew. They weren’t the best quality, but his face was relaxed in them, and he was smiling with a playful glint in his eyes, and Addie liked them more than the ones where he looked like he was posing. (She developed those, too, but still hasn’t quite figured out where to put them. She’ll probably give them to him.) Good memories were made that day, and friendships cemented, too.

  When he finally notices the box, his eyebrows shoot up. ‘Is this the present?’

  Addie just nods and waits. She’s thankful that Marianne is humming along to the music while she stirs the pot, because it means that there’s no awkward silence while he carefully unwraps the bow, as if it would break if he tugged on it too hard. He opens it, finally, and laughs – Addie feels like he’s been laughing a lot more recently. 

  He holds the present in his hand, shaking his head. ‘A phone case. Really?’

  ‘Yep.’ Addie grins so hard she bites a little on the inside of her lip; what if he doesn’t like it? She pushes the thought away. ‘Can’t have us swapping our phones again.’

  ‘True. Although, it did end up in a pretty good thing.’

  ‘I guess it did, yeah.’

  There’s a moment where they’re just staring at the phone case, as if it is about to start talking. Addie kind of wishes it would, and once again feels thankful for Marianne’s music. She doesn’t want to start reminiscing, but that’s where her brain is going, and suddenly she finds herself thinking about that summer morning where she was hungover and half-asleep when she met him and it feels weird that it’s been nearly six months since that. It feels like it was yesterday, but it feels like Drew’s always been around. 

  ‘Mr. White Claw,’ he reads off the back of the matt case, amused. Addie’s pretty proud of herself for that one.

  ‘Nothing describes you better than that, basic white bitch.’ She smiles at him, and kicks him under the table so he’d look at her. ‘Happy birthday, dude.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He raises his can and waits until she raises hers, then says, ‘To swapping phones.’

  Addie clinks the can against his. ‘And making friends.’

  ‘And putting another quarter in the jar. Don’t think I didn’t hear that.’

  ‘Marianne.’

  ‘Nu-uh.’ Marianne snaps her fingers, pointing first at Addie as she speaks, then Drew. ‘You, quarter in the jar, and now that the ceremony’s over, I need you back at the cooking station. The goulash ain’t gonna cook itself, mec.’

  As Marianne says, the other two do. Addie is honestly just grateful she doesn’t have to be the one helping out in the kitchen, because as much as she enjoys cooking, Marianne’ demands get on her nerves sometimes. That, and Drew is actually enjoying helping her out. Addie gets to sit back and relax, listen to her friends make food and bond over the dishes they can make—turns out Drew is incredible at making his mum’s casserole recipe, and promises to bring it over someday—and she feels like she’s come a long way from being holed up in her room, studying and working. Even if sometimes it feels like nothing’s changed. 

  In between helping Marianne, Drew puts the phone case in its rightful place. It’s a bit cheesy, but Addie likes the thought that there’ll be a reminder of their friendship with him at all times, if he likes it as much as she thinks he does. It’s a bit silly, too. Addie likes giving and receiving presents that are more silly than useful, which is probably not the savvy and mature way to approach life. 

  Time wears on, and Addie includes herself every now and then, mostly just chilling on her phone as the two work towards what they claim is going to be a masterpiece. She highly doubts it, and it’s amusing whenever she voices her opinion and they try to argue otherwise. She likes to see them getting along – she’d never admit it, but as much as she knows and loves Marianne, a part of her was still scared he’d get the celebrity treatment. Now, she watches as Marianne threatens to throw goulash if he doesn’t cut the pepper faster, and she can only laugh. 

  Her phone chimes and there’s a text message displayed over Holden and Addie’s faces –  a picture taken barely a week ago. They look happy together, and seeing it brings a smile to her face. As Addie texts back, Marianne ushers Drew away from the pot, finally taking over. Drew joins her at the table with a can of White Claw and a can of Heineken. 

  She puts her phone down and takes the Heineken with thanks. ‘Cooking time over?’

  Drew nods. ‘The chef fired me. I think.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Addie laughs, ‘the chef tends to do that.’

  To prove a point, Marianne gives them the finger, and says a whole sentence in French out of which Addie can only understand ‘merde’, and that is mostly because she turns around for that word, glaring at the two. Drew nearly chokes on his drink, and Addie just shrugs, because it’s Marianne, and no one can really understand Marianne. A conversation starts about photography and how Drew did mean to bring the camera, but he left it with Chase and Madelyn when he was visiting, and he ends up telling them stories from all the sets he’s been on. 

  When the bell chimes again, he’s the first one to notice, as he’s sitting not even a foot from the entrance into the kitchen. ‘Someone ringing?’

  ‘Oh, god, I forgot— Thanks!’

  Addie makes a beeline for the hallway, giving her friends a quick ‘one moment!’ in lieu of an explanation. She’s at the front door within seconds and opens it with a smile, greeting her boyfriend with a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. 

  Holden chuckles, and then he’s giving her a brief kiss on the lips before they part. ‘Hello there. You had a bit to drink?’

  ‘A little,’ Addie says, feeling the heat in her cheeks. ‘I’m glad you stopped by.’

  ‘Me too.’ His hand falls from her waist and he takes a step back, looking around. ‘You’ve got the papers?’

  Addie reaches into the drawer and takes the grey folder out of it, but doesn’t give it to him just yet. ‘I know you’re in a hurry, but Marianne is making enough goulash for a whole village, and Drew’s here, and I want to introduce you.’

  ‘He’s here?’ he asks, just at the same time as Marianne shouts from the kitchen, ‘WHO IS IT?’

  In her defense, she thought it would’ve been a nice surprise for Holden to stop by and stick around for a little bit once he got what he came here for, and maybe chat to her friends for a few minutes. The idea might’ve been fine, but hearing Holden’s little sigh at the realisation and a guaranteed confusion from the two in the kitchen, it might’ve not been a fine surprise. This paired with Holden only meeting Marianne of her friends so far...

  ‘C’mon,’ she tells him, hoping to reassure herself just as much, and takes hold of his hand. ‘They don’t bite.’

  Back in the kitchen, Marianne and Drew are leaning on the cupboards, both of them silent and waiting. Addie walkins into the kitchen first, and she watches their eyes follow her hand – the one which drags Holden in behind her. Marianne shouts his name and nearly leaps to hug him, while Drew remains at his spot, gnacing between the two having a quick catch-up and Addie, who tries to tell him not to worry in the form of a smile. 

  His eyes keep dropping back to their hands, intertwined, and she can see barely-concealed confusion on his face. 

  ‘This is Holden,’ she says, now that Marianne isn’t hogging him anymore. ‘My boyfriend. Holden, this is Drew.’

  They shake hands and exchange the ‘nice to meet you’s without anyone feeling the need to prove themselves to be the Alpha male, so Addie counts it as a win. Not that she thought either of them would do that – she just hasn’t seen Drew interact with anyone who wasn’t her or Marianne, and Drew is, after Marianne, the first person from Addie’s life Holden has gotten to meet. 

  The more she thinks of it, the more she realises how risky it was. 

  ‘You’re the actor Drew, right?’

  For a moment, Addie just watches Drew – his hands are crossed on his chest and he looks a little menacing, now that she tries to see him from Holden’s perspective. Tall and pretty attractive, pretty relaxed in a place he’s barely been to, and with the reputation of a successful actor – and to top it all off, a resting bitch face. 

  Addie’s heart skips a beat. 

  Drew laughs and she feels relief wash over her, instead. ‘Is that how she presents me to people?’

  ‘Drew, it’s literally how we met,’ she says, rolling her eyes at him from across the room. ‘How else am I supposed to explain how I know you?’

  ‘Fair.’

  There’s a moment where the sizzling of the goulash is all that can be heard, but Addie doesn’t think it’s one of those heavy silences, where every person seems like they’re holding their breath. She takes it as a good sign. 

  Holden pats his thigh, then, and he has an apologetic face when he says, ‘I’ve got to go. Work won’t wait forever.’ He flashes Drew a smile. ‘Nice meeting you, Drew.’

  ‘You too.’

  Addie sighs. ‘You just got here.’

  He opens his mouth to say something, but Marianne is quicker: ‘You try this goulash, look me in the eye, and say you don’t want more of it.’ There’s no and then you can go, because Addie has a feeling Marianne knows pretty well just how good the goulash is. 

  She commands the room as she approaches Holden with the tiniest bit of goulash steaming from the spatula over her hand. Her eyes are determined and there’s a crook in the corner of her lips – the sly kind of smile when she knows she’s already won. Holden doesn’t get a chance to protest, because the spatula is headed for him, and he’s got nothing to do but take it. 

  The room holds a breath. Even Drew is looking at Holden in expectation, chin resting on the palm of his hand. 

  For a bit, Holden just coughs and complains about the hotness (Marianne argued he had to have been blind to not see that it was steaming). Once he’s finally back to normal breathing and side-eyeing Addie for giggling at him, he tells Marianne it’s one of the best things he’s ever tasted.

  Addie could swear she could see pride and self-satisfaction through Marianne’s eyes.

  ‘Now that Holden is staying,’ says Addie, ‘can the rest of us have some, too?’

  ‘Yes, ma’am,’ replies Marianne, with a newfound spring in her step, grace in the way she moves. Drew laughs at her, quietly, and Addie finds herself laughing with him.

  Marianne brings out the goulash and Addie helps pour it into the bowls, handing each of them one. The chef ends up taking Addie’s chair, on Addie’s insistence, because what does she deserve after all these hours other than enjoying her efforts in peace? So Addie leans on the counter, ignoring Marianne’s protests that it’s dirty (‘These shorts need to go into the wash anyway’) and savours the food. It’s unbelievably good – Drew even comments at one point that it’s as good as the one his Hungarian neighbour made, if not better. Marianne glows after each compliment, so Addie doesn’t really stop giving them. Even as the conversation goes on, and Holden stays a little longer than planned, they keep sprinkling in nice comments about the goulash whenever they can. 

  Addie’s glad Holden and Drew are here for this, however unplanned it was.

  Holden slaps his thigh again, in the very same manner with the very same look on his face and this time, Addie catches herself right before she laughs. ‘I’ve really got to go now,’ he says, getting to his feet. ‘Work calls.’

  He walks up to Addie and she smiles at him, elbowing him gently in the ribs. ‘That’s okay, Mr. Workaholic. We understand.’

  She thinks maybe she’s pushing it, but Holden smiles and reaches the other side of her waist, tickling just enough so that she groans for him to stop. ‘You’ve got it just as bad as I do,’ he tells her, and she can’t argue.

  ‘Wait, Holden.’ Marianne twirls her spoon in front of her space, brow furrowed, and a distant look on her face. ‘Can I ask you lot a personal question?’

  ‘Marianne—’

  ‘Don’t worry about it, Addie. I won’t bother them too much.’

  Marianne does give her a reassuring smile, or what’s meant to be one, because Addie doesn’t feel particularly reassured. The girl, for all the love Addie holds for her, really has a thing for pushing the limits and boundaries without meaning to. Addie sinks into herself, arms crossed on her chest with Holden’s hand still resting on her waist, and hopes Marianne picks her approach carefully. Addie might know her well enough, but Drew and Holden don’t.

  ‘Sure,’ says Drew, leaning back in his chair. ‘What is it?’

  Instead of responding, he looks at Holden until he agrees to it, too. She takes a deep breath, then, and gives them the shaky kind of confident smile as her fingers fix up her bun. ‘How important are romantic things in a relationship to guys?’

  Addie resists dropping her head in her hands. She just sighs. Glares a little. 

  Lets it all unfold. 

  The hand on Addie’s waist moves a little, with no purpose. She can hear Holden breathe more deeply, as he always does when he’s trying to crack a problem. Drew, on the other hand, frowns; his eyes stare out of the window, the distance noticeable in them. Part of Addie wishes the question was never asked – part of it is as glad that it wasn’t bad as it is honest that maybe, Addie is curious about the answers, too. 

  ‘Probably shouldn’t ask Holden that while Addie’s around,’ jokes Drew.

  ‘Ha-ha. Very funny.’

  Drew looks at her and shrugs, a smile peeking through. (Addie found it a little bit funny and he can see it.) He sighs a little and scratches the place above his eyebrow, glancing at Marianne. ‘What kind of romantic things are we talking about?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Marianne waves her hand in a vague motion, then lets it go back to fiddling with the bun. ‘Um, dates, quality time together, gifts or flowers or whatever, that romantic sappy kind of shite.’

  ‘It depends, then,’ Holden says, voice deep and laced in thought, just as Drew speaks with confidence, ‘Very important.’

  Drew chuckles and Holden smiles, too, but Marianne doesn’t look very reassured, so Drew leans forward in the chair, placing his elbows on the table with his hands crossed. ‘Look, it depends on the guy, yeah, but most guys like the romantic stuff. Going on dates, getting flowers and chocolates, candlelit dinners and just spending quality time together is a big deal. Not having that is just kind of… I don’t know.’

  Marianne nods. She’s looking at Drew as if she were soaking his words like a sponge, and not one that likes them. 

  ‘I don’t really agree,’ says Holden, after letting out a little ‘hmmm’ sound. ‘I mean, it really depends on the guy, but also the partner. Look at Addie and I – we spend most of our time together at work, or doing work, and it’s something we love doing so the time we spend together doing that is what we’d consider quality time, right? And you don’t— We don’t need all that romantic stuff. If you know someone likes you, there’s no need to constantly show it. If it works already.’

  Addie just stares at the ground. All eyes are on her, now, even if not physically – she can just feel the attention on her. Does she agree? Yes, for the most part, and it’s not her Marianne is asking this time. They’ve already spoken about this. Marianne knows Addie enjoys the approach she and Holden have with the relationship.

  When she finally looks up, she catches Drew’s eyes for a moment, and then they’re gone before she can read them. ‘Well,’ he says, ‘I guess it depends on your relationship and your boyfriend, then.’

  ‘My friend’s.’ Marianne nods with a smile that looks like it’s about to slip off. ‘I’m asking for a friend.’

  Drew leans back. ‘Sure, yeah. I hope your friend manages to sort it out.’

  Marianne thanks him, then makes a joke about the goulash being finger-licking, and within moments everything’s as if there wasn’t just a serious conversation. A little later, Addie walks Holden out, receiving a gentle kiss on the lips before he leaves. Drew sticks around for a little while longer and when Marianne invites Drew to their group’s annual Fourth of July party (very exclusive), Addie feels like it’s another unpredictable-Marianne moment she should’ve foreseen. 

  For better or worse, though, Drew shakes his head with a little sigh. ‘Thanks for the invitation, but I’ve already booked a flight home.’

  ‘Oh.’ Marianne nods, not even trying to hide her disappointment. ‘Shame. We throw the best parties around Atlanta.’

  Drew chuckles, tugging his jacket sleeves over his arms. ‘I don’t doubt that for a second. I’ll catch one of them, at some point.’

  ‘Yeah. You should.’

  Addie is leaning against the wall, watching them talk about their plans for the Fourth of July, and realises she’s happy that Holden’s met Drew. She’s happy he’s integrating into her friend group, at least bit by bit. It kind of makes everything more real; more permanent. Later, she finds out from Marianne that Drew messaged her, thanking her for the goulash experience. When she’s lying in bed, thinking about all the work she needs to do tomorrow because she slacked off today, a thought pops up: Marianne’s birthday is going to be soon, and that is bound to be a wholesome party.

  Addie falls asleep with a smile on her face.

◇

19: THANKFUL

tagging. (let me know if you want to be tagged!) @jjmaybanksbaby @ofpinkfizz @snkkat @drewswannabegirl @yeslifeofateen @rudypnkw @stfukie @x-lulu @drewstarkey @butgilinsky @solllaris @hyperactive2411 @chasefreakinstokes @surferkie @jroseron @k-k0129 @starlightstories @rafecameron​ 

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 19 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad

Now that Matt and Lily had finally met, they were able to make things right regarding their unusual friendship that had been mixed with the celebrity-fan relationship they were starting to have. Luckily, it was still at a point that their friendship would come first although they had met under the wrong circumstances. After their discussion, Matt eventually took Lily back to her best friend that had been chilling with Matt’s family. He had offered Lily to meet again the next day so that she could be introduced to his friends before all spending the day outside visiting the city they were in. Lily had gladly accepted, now excited to have Matt be an actual part of her life and not only through a screen.

~~~

Lily, Alex, Matt and his family were all ready to say a temporary goodbye as they would all go to their hotel. To Lily’s surprise, the room Matt had booked for her and Alex was actually in the same hotel as he was in.

“Why did you even do that?” Lily asked, dumbfounded by the situation. “What if I hated you and never wanted to see you again?”

“Ain’t that a bit dramatic?” Matt retorted. “I had the right to be hopeful!”

“True, true. I guess you’re lucky to be nice and likeable.”

“Oh, so you do like me?”

“Obviously stupid”, Lily laughed. She knew Matt only meant to tease her but she wanted him to know that it was the truth. “Even as Matthew Sturniolo – which I now know that Matt is short for – I fucking drove hundred of miles for you so now it’s a bonus that you’re also my friend in the same body.”

Behind them were Alex as well Matt’s brothers and parents who were all watching the scene happening in front of them. Everyone was glad for Matt and Lily to have been able to meet as they both looked very happy with each other. Although it was a bit far-stretched at the moment, it was easy to notice that something special – more than a simple online-to-real friendship – was hiding between the two and was going to develop into something wonderful.

Leaving Lily and Alex in front of their hotel room, the Sturniolos bid them goodbye before planning to meet the next morning in the lobby so that all the young adults could hang out together and get to know each other. Mary Lou took an extra time to hug the two girls as she had been very happy to meet them for they were both respectful and kind, which Mary Lou had greatly appreciated.

Now alone in their room, Alex and Lily took a minute before processing what had happened today. They looked at each other before bursting out laughing and hugging.

“I still can’t believe it!” Alex exclaimed. “You were friends with Matt motherfucking Sturniolo and now we’re gonna hang out with him, his brothers and their friends?”

“YES! It feels crazy but like– in a good way. It’s exhilarating and I’m just so impatient for tomorrow now.”

“I agree, I’m really excited to meet Madi! She always seemed so sweet.”

“For real,” Lily agreed with her best friend. “I’m so so glad for today bro you can’t imagine: meeting Matt was something I had thought about, but like in a fantasy kinda way I guess? It felt so far away from reach but in the end, it did happen.”

“Yeah,” Alex sighed at that. “It’s surreal but it was fate honestly. Y’all had to find each other at one point.”

Nodding, Lily couldn’t stop smiling and neither could the blonde. They decided that they needed to rest after today’s adventures and started getting ready for the night so that they could be full of energy for the next day. Like the other shows, their routine consisted in having a shower, ordering food to their room and looking at the amazing pictures Lily had taken during the show.

Before going to sleep, Lily saw that she had just received a text that made her even more excited for tomorrow.

Matt🍂

Thank you for today, I’m really glad that we met and I hope you still don’t think it was a mistake

Goodnight Lily :)

Thank YOU fr like ofc it wasn’t a mistake, I’ll never have any regret ab today<3

Goodnight Matthew

And with a grateful smile on her face, Lily turned off her phone before drifting to Morpheus’s world.

~~~

The next morning, Matt and his family were waiting for the girls in the lobby as planned. They were to be joined by Nate, Madi and Tril while Jimmy, Mary Lou and Justin would go do their own thing to let the young adults enjoy their day in peace – Matt, Nick and Chris would eventually come back to Boston for a bit so they would have family time later.

“Oh I’m just recalling but was Lily the reason why you were on your phone a lot back then?” Mary Lou asked her son. “I remember seeing you being happier than usual when you were home last time.”

Damn, Matt thought. He thought she would have waited more before calling him out his previous changes of attitude.

“Honestly, I had wanted to confront Matt for a while but I never expected the situation to turn out like this”. Nick added as he and his mum were on the same page.

“Ok ok, I get it.” Matt sighed as he was starting to get teased by his family for being a tad obvious. “She'll be here soon so please don't embarrass me too much or you'll be the reason why I'm friendless.”

“Don’t worry Matty,” his dad tried to reassure him. “We’ll keep teasing you when you’re back home.”

At that, most of the family laughed before they calmed down as Matt told everyone that Lily had texted him to say she and Alex would be arriving. Matt barely had time to reply to her when he saw the two girls leaving the lift, thus creating a smile on Matt’s face as Lily waved at him – she was waving at all of them but let’s let Matt believe it was solely for him.

“Heyy”, Lily called as she gave a smile to everyone. “Sorry for the wait.”

“No worries darling”, Mary Lou – as the kindest woman ever – answered before going to hug Lily and Alex. “We’ll leave you all to your day out, enjoy!”

“Thanks, you too!”

Mary Lou then took her husband and first son to the hotel’s restaurant so that they could have breakfast while the teenagers started walking towards the exit.

“Ok so Nate is gonna be here in a minute,” Matt informed as he had left his friend in their common room because he had woken up later than him. “And we’ll meet Madi and Tril on the way.”

“On the way where?” Alex asked. “Y’all didn’t say what you wanted to do yesterday.”

“We were thinking of going to eat and maybe just visit the city?” Nick suggested.

“Fine by me!” Lily agreed. “I’d love to see the beach later if that’s ok with you guys.”

“Absolutely.” Chris was on board with the agenda. “I’m not really confident to actually swim but we definitely need to go to the beach.”

They all agreed and decided to go to a restaurant that Nick had noticed the day before. Nate joined them as they were about to call him so now they only had to notify Madi and Tril of their destination.

After having lunch, they all agreed to walk to the beach and spend the afternoon there with snacks and drinks as there were multiple beaches to explore. Everyone was getting along well, especially Madi and Alex, thus making the blonde grateful that she was making new friends. Lily was still hitting it off with Nick, with whom she was exchanging about photography, while Matt, Chris and Tril were lazily trailing behind the two duos. At the Las Olas Beach, they decided to stop and rest there as there weren’t many people. The curiosity was at its highest when Nate asked the question everyone was thinking of:

“Sooo,” he began to catch everyone’s attention. “Do we get the full story of how y’all started talking or?”

Lily and Matt exchanged a quick glance – although their friends would say that it ended up longer than expected – before Lily scratched her throat as she chose to be the one explaining.

“It’s simpler than ever honestly. I was just texting people with Alex because we had seen videos of that so it sounded fun at the moment and after a couple of failures, this dude here matched my energy.” She explained before pointing at Matt to emphasise her words. “And here we are seven – I think? – months later.”

“I don’t have anything to add”, Matt said as he saw that his friends were expecting more. “If I’m being honest, sorry Lily, I had thought about ghosting her at the time because we had come back recently from tour and then we had Madi’s birthday in Hawaii.”

“Damn, I’m hurt”. Lily pretended to be offended. “Fair enough I guess, I could be overwhelming sometimes. But I’m glad you didn’t haha.”

“Yeah, same…” Matt almost whispered as he softly smiled at the girl next to him.

Feeling like a moment was creating itself between the two newly friends, Alex faked a cough and they all changed the subject before things would get awkward. It was easy to notice that Matt and Lily would still need other chances alone so that they could completely get rid of the first meeting’s anxiety.

After an hour of talking and getting to know each other, Nick suggested that they walk to the next beach while the sun would set. Lily immediately agreed and she got her camera ready like Nick in order to take pictures of the sea adorned with waves of red and orange. A dozen minutes later, the group found themselves at Sebastian Street Beach further north from where they had been. Nick and Lily made everyone stop at a spot which they judged had the best view to capture the sunset. When the two photographers seemed satisfied, they notified their friends and decided it would be time to go back to the hotel to have dinner with the rest of the Sturniolos.

Once back at the hotel, they ended up being two people short as Madi had announced that she would get ready with her mum to go back to Los Angeles while Tril told them that he would also need to get ready to depart the next day. Therefore, the whole Sturniolo family as well as Nate, Lily and Alex would eat together. Mary Lou was delighted to spend more time with the girls as she had really clicked with her son’s friend. During the dinner, the three women were mostly talking together, joined once in a while by Matt who would check that his mum wasn’t bothering his guests. When everyone had finished, Jimmy and Mary Lou decided to pay for their sons and the girls – which they reluctantly agreed as they knew refusing would be pointless. While all walking back to their rooms, the triplets said goodnight to the rest of their family as they and Nate stayed a bit more with the girls. They were all talking in front of the girls’ room when they learnt of what would happen the next day.

“I should’ve told y’all earlier when Madi and Tril mentioned it but we’re also leaving tomorrow,” Lily frowned at her words.

“Daaamn,” Nick dramatically sighed. “We barely met and we have to be separated so soon.”

“Yeah, I guess goodbyes are harder now…” Lily almost wanted to cry and she tried to avoid Matt’s gaze in order to prevent that from happening.

“It’s not like we’re each on one side of the world, right?” The middle triplet rationalised, although he wasn’t feeling good about the news.

“True true, only thousands of miles between us.” Lily bitterly laughed.

“If it makes everyone feel better,” Chris joined in to lighten the mood. “We’ll be in Boston for like a week and a half so at least we stay in the same timezone for a while.”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot we’re on the same coast as your hometown.” Lily pointed out. “Can’t believe y’all have to go past us to go back home.”

What was – in Lily’s opinion – an innocent sentence, was unknowingly making the gears turn in someone’s head. Sensing the boys’ silent question, Alex chose to answer it in a way that she hoped would impact them.

“We live in Spring Hill, Florida. Not so far from here if I may say so y’all should visit one day, or even come back with us.”

“Only because you’re not the one driving bro,” Lily sighed with a smile.

“We could yeah,” Matt said at the same time Lily talked.

Holy shit, Alex thought. He actually took the bait! See, Alex had hoped to get a reaction from at least one of the boys in front of her and while she was internally celebrating, everyone else turned to Matt.

“The fuck you mean?” Chris was shocked at Matt’s boldness. “Sorry, strong words there but what?”

“No but–” Matt was now nervous about everyone awaiting his thoughts on the matter. “That was a joke like– Alex joked and I did the same so case closed, right?”

Searching for help, Matt looked at Alex who had a smirk on her face. She raised an eyebrow as if to get her point across.

“Did I, though?” Alex was clearly challenging Matt and enjoying his reactions. “I meant what I said, but did you?”

An awkward silence began as no one knew how to interrupt the moment. Chris and Nate exchanged a look of confusion while Nick silently asked Lily to do something regarding her friend.

“I–” The brunette stuttered as she only had a split second to decide whether to back up Alex or not. “Yeah y’all could come with us, like it’s on your way and that means we can spend a bit more time together before final goodbyes?”

Alex felt very satisfied that Lily was on board with her chaotic plan. Now, only the triplets’ reply was to be heard.

“Why not though,” Nick eventually agreed due to the hopeful expressions on the girls’ faces. “We’re not going to be fucking awkward about it so Imma say the words. I’m having a good time with y’all, which is obviously reciprocated, and we’d all be happy to spend a few more days together. So I'm down!”

At that, Alex and Lily’s joy was very explicit as they turned to briefly exchange smiles. One down, three to go, the blonde thought.

“Thank you Nicolas for this wonderful answer! Chris, Matt, Nate, what do y’all say?”

As the two other triplets eventually shrugged and nodded at the proposal – it wouldn’t hurt to get to know each other more and they weren’t about to deny everything Nick had said, the last person to be asked was surprised.

“I’m invited too?” Nate wondered as he hadn’t expected it.

“Yeah, of course you are.” Lily wanted to hug him as she didn’t think he wouldn’t expect to be included, which made her start feeling sad. “Do you wanna come with us?”

Although Lily’s smile was very convincing, Nate frowned as he realised that he couldn’t actually be part of this.

“Family matters during this week…” the younger boy admitted as Chris patted him on the shoulder for comfort. “This is why I had planned to see the guys from this weekend and after. Y’all will have to enjoy for me.”

“We absolutely will!” Alex assured as she was disappointed that Nate couldn’t be there. “It was so nice to meet you though, we’ll see each other again right?”

“Well, we’re on the same coast so small world I guess. But yeah, in any case I’ll see you two tomorrow for goodbyes before we part.”

The girls nodded at that and as the atmosphere was now unfortunately not as light-hearted as before, Nick suggested to all go to their respective rooms and that they would meet again the next morning to decide how things would happen – the triplets now only had to notify their parents that they would join them in Boston later in the week, which they knew wouldn’t be a problem.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[miss-ali-lawliet]

Just the three of us after a long day

A Matt + Mello + Reader fic!

After the dream I had with these two, I honestly feel like I had to write something based on it so I hope you enjoy it! So this has what happened in the dream and the feelings I had during it + some other little things and details to make it feel more complete, you can see this as a friendship or as something romantic,  it’s honestly up to you and how you view it!

I hope you all have a great day/night wherever you are <3

CW: This is mainly filled with fluff, but there’s the mention of smoking (it deals with Matt, so probably not too surprising)

Word count: 1740 

You walked through the front door of your apartment, a tired yet relieved sigh escaping from your mouth outwardly as you reached the comfort of your home. Accompanying you was one of your roommates and long time friends, Matt, who had a cigarette hanging almost loosely from his mouth as he walked in behind you, closing the door and locking it. Both of you worked your shoes off a bit clumsily, feeling yourselves becoming more relaxed as the scent of smoke wrapped around you both the longer you remained inside. The smell of the place might come off as unfavorable to some, but to you it just made you think of home. 

“Well that was a lot more fun than I thought it would be “ He’d ask, a lopsided grin growing as he finished taking his shoes off first, watching as you slipped off your second shoe and set them behind his pair a bit messily. You’d fix it later, but right now you couldn’t be bothered.

“Yeah, thanks to you of course.” You’d reply with a chuckle, smiling back a bit warmly as you looked up at him. “Today was definitely something we both needed after focusing on work. I wish Mello could have joined us though, I think he would have had a lot of fun too”

Matt listened to you, unzipping his vest as you both made your way into the apartment. He nodded in agreement, ashing his lit cigarette into one of his many ash trays that laid around your home. 

“I wouldn’t take the blame fully, you definitely made it more enjoyable for me at least” He’d say as he looked at you, at the mention of Mello he frowned slightly but nod in agreement with you.. 

“Oh definitely, next time we’ll have to drag him out with us so he’s not so focused on this Kira case for once. He won’t have a choice at that point” He’d reply with a small chuckle to lighten that topic, slipping the cigarette back into his mouth. “Thankfully our job wasn’t that hard, and what a nice coincidence that the arcade was nearby” 

You rolled your eyes as you laughed softly, nudging his arm gently as you leaned against him a bit tiredly. You weren’t surprised he changed the topic, as both of you were worried about your other friend but you both also knew when he had his eyes set on something, Not even you two could snap him out of it. So you’d just go along with it for now as you put your weight against him a little. 

“Yeah sure, a ‘coincidence’ huh? Is that the excuse you made?” 

“Maybe,” he’d chuckle, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and giving you a slight squeeze. Even though he said that the job was ‘easy’, it definitely took some time to complete it. 

You both were tasked with going back into Misa Amane's residence, while she and a man from the Japanese Kira task force were out, to do some more searching. While there you both also made sure all the wires and taps Matt installed weren’t affected by anything, and it all looked fine even though neither of you found anything new. By the time you guys  were done, you already felt tired as you got in Matt’s car and you could tell he felt similarly. Instead of driving you both straight back to the apartment though, he ended up taking you out to get some fast food and took you to an arcade he heard about where you both just messed around for a couple hours. Mello was off doing something else on ‘his’ side of the case, not giving too much information on what he was doing but you and Matt knew not to press him too much and be patient with him. Until then, you both let him do his part as you did yours.

You just enjoyed the closeness of being next to Matt and found yourself almost melting into his touch, any sort of tension beginning to release. You enjoyed the couple of moments of standing near the door, but he began to lead the way towards the living room shortly after. 

“Do you think he’s home?” you’d find yourself asking him softly as the thought of Mello popped in your mind again as you walked with him, but before he could respond you saw your answer. 

In the living room,  there was the familiar blonde laying on his back on the couch. You found another smile growing on your face seeing that Mello was indeed home, but you found yourself wondering how long he’d been laying there. Before you could even open your mouth to greet him though, the other male would turn his gaze towards you both. His blonde hair looked a bit more messy as it went over the scarred portion of his tired looking face. His expression to others wouldn’t mean too much, but as you looked past his calm expression you could see how tired he was and in his blue eyes there seemed to be a lot of other emotions stirring underneath his exterior. You’ve seen this look before and what it entailed, you wordlessly moved from Matt’s side as you made your way over to him. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, brushing some of his blonde strands aside as you sat down beside him.

“I’m assuming you had a long day?” you’d ask gently, the orange and pink sky from the sunset peering through the semi-closed curtains on the window. It definitely added warmth onto both of your features, especially his. Even with the aftermath of the explosion, he still managed to look perfect to you. Something that would never change.

His gaze seemed almost distant, as if lost in a way. He just sighed hearing the question, shrugging but the look he gave you said it all. You opened your arms to which he’d move towards and pull you into an almost tight yet gentle  hug. You don’t know what happened and you didn’t plan on pressing him about the matter, all you know was that he seemed shaken in a way and needed your comfort. Matt went to the other side of Mello, resting a hand against his back gently as you held onto your friend. He buried his face into the crook of your neck, the room going silent again as the three of you sat close together, you and Matt doing what you could to comfort the person closest to you both. Matt would move briefly to ash his cigarette once again before putting it out entirely. You felt Mello’s weight against you, and the exhaustion from the day seemed to have finally caught up with you finally with his warmth against your own. 

You nudged his side gently to get his attention, to which he’d pull back to see what you wanted. You motioned for him to move a bit as you moved up a bit on the sofa before laying your head back onto a small pillow  leaning against the arm of the couch. Once you got comfortable, Mello didn’t need to see you opening up your arms to see he could get comfortable as well. He would move on top of you carefully before laying down with his back against the couch, his head resting on your shoulder. You let out a soft yawn, your left arm resting around him as your right arm lays over the edge of the couch. 

Matt tossed his vest to the other side of the couch as he took his goggles off and set them by the ashtray on the table. He was sitting towards the edge of the couch as you and Mello got comfortable, but once you both seemed content he made his way over and laid on your other exposed  side, wrapping his arms around the both of you as it became his turn to get comfortable. He rested his head on your other shoulder, smiling a bit as he let out a yawn of his own. This wasn’t the first time the three of you did this, and definitely wouldn’t be the last. At this point in time the three of you didn’t even need to ask or say anything, it was a routine of sorts as you went to your places even if the positions seemed to switch depending on the situation or your moods. 

You found yourself resting your eyes as you all found yourselves reveling in the silence, simply listening to one another’s breathing as well as them listening to your own heartbeat. You felt yourself beginning to slowly drift off into sleep, and you could tell that the other two were falling to the same fate. No one said anything, just enjoying the warmth and comfort  between the three of you. You couldn’t help but smile softly as Mello’s grip on you softened more as the minutes passed. The last thing you recall is hearing the blonde murmur something softly against your shoulder, loud enough for you and Matt to hear.

“Thank you…” You didn’t have the time to question him on who or why he was saying thank you as he had fallen asleep seemingly right after the words left his lips. Matt chuckled softly, snuggling closer against you as he gave you both a gentle yet reassuring squeeze in response before he fell asleep as well rather quickly.

You smiled faintly, opening  your eyes to get a brief look at the two men that meant the world to you. You would always find yourself worrying about the future when it came to the dangerous case you worked on, but when it came to times like this all you felt yourself enjoying the present, any thoughts of the future, any thoughts or worries slowly escaping your mind for the time being. The warmth of the sun was fading slowly as the sky darkened behind the curtains ahead, meaning another day was at its end. You listened to their steady breaths and felt their hearts beating against you faintly, easing any other remaining fears you had for the time being. They were safe and they were with you, and that’s all you could ask for really. You rested your eyes once again slowly and it didn’t take long for you to join the other two in their slumberous states.

[we-pay-for-everything]

The Enzo revenge plot line in s6 made sense when everyone thought Damon was dead and Enzo wanted to punish Stefan in some way. Now that he's back, you'd think that Enzo would want to just chill with Damon. I'm sure Damon could talk him out of all this nonsense.

I see your point. The writers never quite knew what to do with Enzo.

In reality, Enzo and Damon weren't that close. Damon felt indebted to Enzo, but as soon as he stopped feeling guilty, he kinda forgot about his friend.

Also, season 6 is largely about Damon and Elena. Damon mostly had scenes with Elena (or Bonnie when he was still in the prison world), as well as with Kai, Alaric, and Jo - mainly due to the role they played in Elena's fate in the finale, but also as a consequence of Elena's friendships with Jo and Alaric (more so than Damon's own friendship with Alaric). Even Stefan didn't have that many scenes with Damon, and most of their scenes together were connected to Caroline - ie. Lizz, ripper Stefan, humanity switch off Caroline, etc. - as Caroline and Stefan were the other focus of season 6.

So, yeah, Enzo didn't fit with Damon. His revenge against Stefan made little sense, I agree, but it was also more about him taking his anger out on others and giving Stefan something to do unrelated to Caroline while Damon was busy with Elena. Enzo was lost, resentful, and bitter, so I think hating Stefan was a way to lash out and keep himself busy at the same time.

Also, if Damon didn't care about Enzo, and Damon was Enzo's only tie to the show (Caroline was busy too), then Enzo needed a reason to stay in Mystic Falls and something to connect him to the characters. That was probably why the writers kept up the ruse of him being angry at Stefan, and even roped Matt and Jeremy into it (both of whom had little to do on the show).

Thanks for the ask!!!

[anotheronechicagobog]

Fire Meets Fate - Brettsey - Chapter 1 - Violet Opens Her Big Mouth

warnings: swearing, mature themes, character death (Andy Darden), canon compliant tragedy

Summary: Violet Casey, Matt's favourite (and only) niece points out what Matt had been so blind to; Gabby Dawson has the hots for him. While he is engaged. While Matt is most definitely... Shocked at this news, he is in no way pleased. As a result, they never get together.

“I don’t like Gabby.”

“What? Why not, you’re always talking about how much you like her food.”

“Yeah, her food’s amazing- she isn’t.”

“Violet, why would you think that?”

“And that is why I’m bringing it up, you, uncle lieutenant, are oblivious. Gabby has the hots for you.”

“She does not.”

“Yes, she does! Ask anyone, ask uncle Kelly, ask Hallie, ask Gabby.”

“We’re friends and friends alone, Gabby does not love me.”

“I didn’t say ‘love’, I said that she has the hots for you, which is totally different. If she loved you she wouldn’t flirt with you every chance she got, including whenever you and Hallie are on a break.”

“She doesn’t-”

“Flirt with you? Yes, she does. She also makes puppy dog eyes at you and bites her lip whenever you’re not looking. Look, I’m not telling you that she’s not nice, or that you shouldn’t be friends with her, it’s just that I’ve noticed she likes you more than she should, and that sometimes her ‘friendship’ has an ulterior motive.”

“Violet-”

“Just keep it in mind, okay uncle Matt?”

And he did.

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You know how when you start learning to drive, and all the bad driving habits people had, like rolling stops, were pointed out to you? And how once the blinders were ripped off, you couldn’t unsee anything? Well finding out Gabby ‘has the hots’ for him had the same effect. Suddenly he couldn’t hold eye contact with her because he saw longing and lust beneath them, he heard the lengthy pauses and felt the weight of her gaze when anyone asked her about her love life, and whenever she spoke to him he noticed hidden and double meanings in her words. Honestly, it made him a little uncomfortable. And his niece was right, he was completely oblivious! So. Damn. Oblivious. But at first he thought that he was just seeing things, I mean, Violet was fourteen what did she know about non-platonic relationships. Wait... What did she know about non-platonic relationships?! She’s only fourteen! Casey’s horror-filled internal realizations were interrupted by Severide. The man who was once one of his best friends now seemed more like a mortal enemy. Picking fights. Doubting his decision. Second-guessing his judgment. Snide comments. Matt had truly forgotten just how sharp Kelly’s tongue was until they weren’t on the same side anymore. “What did you and Heather talk about at the barbeque?”

“Just about Andy and Griffin. Whenever someone asks, she says they’re holding up as well as can be expected, but I think there’s more going on that she’s not seeing yet because she’s still grieving too.”

“Well, maybe if Heather actually brought the boys around here, or me. There wouldn’t be an issue.”

“Okay, you know what? I’m done. I have tried to talk to Heather about bringing the boys here, about letting them see you, you think I haven’t? But she’s hurting and she blames you. I’ve tried talking her down, and I know that Andy’s death isn’t either of our faults, but I can’t control someone else’s emotions. So stop baring your teeth at me over it. I have tried, and failed, and I am tired, okay? I lost my two best friends in one day! And one of them is actually here, and alive, and safe but growls at me every time I walk near him!”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a blue tank top, jeans, and wedges, Gabby approached Matt in the locker room. “My brother called me...” Of course he did. If Matt had felt like he had any other trustworthy officers to turn to, he wouldn’t have asked Gabby to contact her brother. Nothing stays secret between those two. And this was something that only added to the feeling of centipedes marching up and down his spine. He didn’t want her to know about his private life before he did, he didn’t want her in the loop. He normally had no issue with criticism so long as it was based in merit and not bias. And lately he couldn’t help but feel that Violet was right about Gabby and ulterior motives.

“... You holding up alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Good.” With a quick nod to her, he left. No long looks, no asking her what she would have done, no ‘honest answers’, no soulful eyes or parted lips, he didn’t want anymore personal, intimate, talks between them anymore. She may just be a friend to him, but he wasn’t just a friend to her, and he didn’t know how to handle that situation just yet. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matt walked towards the kitchen, ready to get some breakfast and coffee after all the paperwork he had to do before eight in the morning. He winced internally when he saw Gabby crossing the room with arms full of Halloween candy packages. Even just looking at her now set him on edge. He didn’t have confirmation about Violet was right, but as time went on, her actions and her words and her body language, both past and present, were glaring confirmations. He did his best to blend into the background, fade into the noise of the firehouse, and it worked. Mills was getting more and more frustrated that they only had salt and pepper for spices, but then Gabby, still on the counter from putting the candy up high, laid her hand on his shoulder, and told him where she kept the spices she uses when she cooks. “... I used up the rest of the saffron the last time I cooked.” While Gabby didn’t look back at Mills as she walked away, burning a hole inside of Matt’s head instead, the candidate’s eyes followed her form as she walked away, amazement on playing on his features. Matt smiled, maybe her love of cooking would bring her and Mills together.

And then the bells went off.

Once on the scene, Casey was brought back to a phone call he had early in the morning with Luke Hermann.

FLASHBACK

“Hello?”

“Uncle Matt, it’s Luke.”

“Hey, Luke, is everything alright?”

“No. I mean yeah, at home, I mean dad did walk in on grandpa in the bathroom again, but things here are good, but no...”

“Luke what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I don’t want my dad to die.”

“Oh, Luke... Hey, bud, it’s okay, don’t cry.”

“But he almost died, and so did you! When uncle Andy died it seemed so far away, like it couldn’t happen to my dad, but then...”

“Hey, I know. Everyone at the firehouse, we love your dad. And you. We’re all looking out for him and watching his back, okay? We always do everything we can to make sure he goes home to you.”

“But that’s not enough sometimes, is it?”

“Luke, your dad loves you more than anything, he will always do whatever it takes to make it through a shift and back home to the people he loves more than anything else in the world. And his in-laws.” The uncontrollable sounds coming from the boy had changed from crying to laughing, and Matt couldn’t help but crack a smile amongst his own misty eyes. Hermann really didn’t get along with his in-laws, did he?

FLASHBACK OVER

The call ended up being a small kitchen fire, minimal damage, no one was injured, but Casey remained in a sour mood. He couldn’t promise the safety of his colleagues in their line of work, and that was pissing him off more than usual today.

“Alright, everyone, today our own Jose Vargas transfers over from truck to squad.”

Casey and Severide were at odds, but that didn’t mean the rest of the house had to be, and it really was a tragedy that tensions spilled over quite a bit. So Matt made sure that he looked as genuine as he felt while shaking his brother in arms’ hand, “best of luck.”

“Thanks, lieutenant.” He still felt a bit like he was losing one to the enemy, so he retreated to his office. Which turned out to be a pretty bad move, considering all he could do was think about Voight. If he was being honest, Matt was afraid of what he’d gotten himself into. He knew it was the right thing, he just wondered if he’d make it out the other side unscathed. His mind kept wandering to those action movies about stopping dirty cops. Kidnapping, torture, death. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was Voight’s style.

“Hey.” And then suddenly Hallie was there, in a red sweater and black leggings. “Hey yourself, what are you doing here?”

“I just thought I’d come by for a visit, are you okay? You’ve been drifting off a lot lately.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“Well, I have to admit, there’s another reason I stopped by. To see if you were up for something that we talked about but never got around to doing?” Playfully lust eyes met his as she shut the blinds on his door. And like magic, Matt’s day got a whole lot better.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Closed doors didn’t always have connotations, but in the firehouse they did. Everything was based on context, sometimes it meant that whoever was on the other side was sleeping in their office. Sometimes it was paperwork, or alone time, or some not-so-alone time with a special someone. Or like now, where the chief ushered in a police captain, detective, and then requested his presence. Everyone was well aware by now of his debacle with Voight, so they stayed clear. Casey was seething. The ‘captain’ basically came all this way to tell them that IA was conducting a BS investigation and that despite the fact that he was Voight’s superior, he couldn’t do anything. And then Antonio spoke up. Volunteered. Matt looked him in the eye, and while he could tell the man was honourable and that he’d do everything he could, Matt couldn’t help but wonder if it had anything to do with Gabby.

“Thank you, detective Dawson.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Guys who assaulted you have a record. Guaranteed.” Matt was sore, but not sore enough to miss a shift, and certainly not sore enough to look at binders filled with the photos of known offenders with Antonio. Gabby entered to grab her stuff just as Matt got past the first page. Until  Matt’s rang with Hallie checking in he used that as an excuse to pretend she wasn’t even in the room. “Hey, just looking at photographs, tattoos.” 

“You never know.” Hallie was being the optimist for once, and Matt couldn’t be more grateful for it.

“That’s right.”

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Even before he responded to Hallie Matt could practically feel Gabby’s sadness. It was palpable. He could actually feel the realization shift in Antonio Dawson. So when Matt hung up the phone, he didn’t look at either of them. He pretended that he didn’t see their facial expressions out of the corner of his eye, that he didn’t sense the longing in Gabby’s delayed departure from the briefing room, that he didn’t feel the weight in Antonio start to shift as he leaned on the table to watch Matt look through the binder. And then the bells went off.