#also I have found out that Adam Glass's later episodes were Not Great

[doingthedirtydishes]

From New York City to Maine to Miami to Nicaragua to Costa Rica to Colombia; a Covid-19 journey of boundless determination: An ineffable odyssey of the heart.

It was April and soon I would be off to Europe to live and also record the pilot episode of my adventure travel TV show: Wheels Up! Having just returned from living in Amsterdam, Holland before Covid-19, still viewing the world through rose colored glasses, the thought that international travel would come to a standstill was absurd. And then it did. Almost all travel came to a halt, resulting in me becoming a man without a home. Yet with adamant resolve, I was determined to persevere in finding my way to Europe.

After being denied entry to board the plane to Holland twice in New York, over a one month time span, it became clear I was going nowhere. After checking into a hotel in Queens, NY, not a minute passed before I was looking for a new foreign country to settle until this virus blew over. After two weeks in a hotel yielding no results, soon to be broke and homeless in NYC, the idea of moving to Europe was a distant wish.  Eventually, by way of love from Elaine, a friend from Maine, I landed myself in Portland.

One Maine winter and almost seven months later, with the world of international travel non-existent, having tried twelve different countries, stranded at another hotel, with expenses adding up as savings dwindled, desperation set in. With spring on the horizon, one night on a call with a representative from Amazon, who resided in Nicaragua, after connecting with him through my story, he said: “Why don’t you move to Nicaragua?” I replied: “Well, it never occurred to me to move to there, but I will look into it.”

Figuring Central America was a great place to lay low for a short time, it became clear I had to get to Miami in order to then fly further south. By this time it was determined that Colombia would be a better location to shoot the pilot episode. Nicaragua was meant to be a temporary layover until I was able to gain entry into South America. Before moving there I knew there was no possibility of filming while Ortega was still in office. Nicaragua is a police state where one must mind their political “Ps” n “Qs.”

Off to Miami Beach I went for some well deserved relaxation in the sun. Not many cities in the world can pale in comparison with the experience of Miami. It is truly an international hot spot, though mostly for the naive rich who are unaware of their responsibility of time and wealth, or those who wish they were of the inane class of the aforementioned. Every third car that passes by on the neon lit streets of Miami Beach is of some exotic luxury or custom foreign import – a pretentious display of grandiose ostentation.

Staying at The Claremont Hotel in the heart of the inferno proved prudent. Mitch and his team were angels in disguise, always attentive to my needs and requests. Much time was spent at their restaurant and bar, where I was met day-to-day with pleasurable conversation and gregarious guests. As often is the case when out-and-about, I was invited to join another table for drinks and to chew the fat. One night Dan (see photo) and Kim from MA invited me to join them. A night of tipsy revelry was had by all.

Dan had experience with a family member who was in a wheelchair and understood the daily challenges and difficulties I faced. He knew getting to the beach required special assistance with the wheelchair – so he invited me to join them the next day. It is not often when traveling the world that a Dan presents himself – what a serendipitous gift! It was so refreshing and invigorating to my soul to hear and feel the ocean again. Water makes me feel as if I am back in the womb. A day of fond memories; I am grateful.

And after one month in thus far another hotel, with airlines still a total disarray of misinformation and canceled flights with little or no notification, finally I found a fitting condominium to live in Granada, Nicaragua. After much searching, I was able to reserve a one-way seat on a private charter flight to Managua – at ‘only’ double the price. Flight now reserved, with necessary medical clearance tests and registration with airline and government completed, one week later I arrived in Managua, Nicaragua.

My plan was to live in colonial Granada for six months until I could move to Colombia in August. Things were not right from the beginning with the owner of my home. An utterly unscrupulous man, often he changed prices and rules – but I blindly looked past his shenanigans. To say he was nefarious would be an understatement. When, after three months of his games, he decided to bribe fourteen heavily armed para-military to beat down my door to evict me with ten minutes to depart, I knew it was time to leave.

Within a week I found a way out of Nicaragua. It was not as easy as you might think at this time – travel was a total mess in this region. And with an impending election of a forty-year dictator, many airlines and companies no longer had an interest in doing business in Nicaragua. The day before I was to depart to Costa Rica, via land at Penas Blancas, my taxi driver canceled on me – surely connected to the owner. Thankfully my dear friend David from Madrid, Spain, decided to rent a car and drive me to the border.

Once safe and sound in Guanacaste, Costa Rica, I was able to relax and re-assess the whole situation. I spent my time in the land of Pura Vida sitting by the water, eating delectable far-off foods, recuperating. This was my first time to this part of the country. It is a land rich with an abundance of natural beauty, possessing no lack of verdant and liquid splendor. It was the respite I needed before traveling to my final destination: Colombia. Liberia airport has a quick and efficient Covid-19 testing center right on premise.  

Five days later, I found myself with an extended layover in Miami. After another week in Miami rollicking with friends and freshly energized from my nightmare in Nicaragua, in the fullness of time I departed to Cartagena, Colombia. A friend from Bogota had been helping me to find an apartment but none had come to fruition still before my departure. So it was decided I would stay at a hotel again until a more permanent residence could be established. That wish would prove much more difficult than anticipated.

As my reservation at the hotel in Cartagena was coming close to an end, a vital decision had to be made. There were no appropriate homes in the city limits fit for my requirements in searches at this time. I was forced to make a new reservation, at a higher rate. The Hilton at El Laguito is a dream for a wheelchair. The staff is immensely helpful. There are ramps and flat tile floors all about the property. And I had full access to the pool and outdoor bar and restaurant. But it was starting to break my already slim bank.

Amsterdam reappeared on the radar but it was soon fall in Europe and I was more hell-bent on staying in the tropical sun of South America. A friend from another city further up the Caribbean coast from Cartagena lives in “Qiami” AKA little Miami, Barranquilla. It is a newly developed city with state of the art roads, modern buildings and other large community projects. It is well known throughout Colombia for its seafood. The food there is spectacular. The amalgamation of people and culture is one of a kind.  

So one day a friend came to fetch me from the hotel, delivering me to Barranquilla. It was such a better solution than a taxi or the dreaded overcrowded bus. True, inevitably I ended up at another hotel. This time I made a reservation for three weeks, figuring that was adequate in order to locate proper housing. That initial three weeks turned into four months at the same hotel. Once again I was blessed with the most helpful and caring staff. Fifty-five apartments later, we still had yet to find a suitable apartment.

At this juncture, with the input of close trusted friends and mentors, it was decided that I would move to Mexico. Oddly, it was not a country that made it onto my possible “go-to” list. Adam, the producer of the TV show, has screamed since the start of this Covid-19 catastrophe that I should just blindly travel to Mexico and relax. As it turns out, it is also a country that qualifies for filming my adventure travel TV show, Wheels Up! The evidence was mounting for me to find my way somehow to Yucatan, Mexico.

Shakespeare postulated that life was a play and we are all actors on a grand stage. To go even one step further would be to entertain Musk’s belief in simulation theory. It is even possible we have lived this life already and presently are watching it play out as part of the ultimate virtual reality, one unimaginable in our current stage of human development and understanding. We are not suitably equipped with the required tools of profound intellect and spiritual know-how to answer the bigger questions of humanity. 

It is said that we need what we get and get what we need [in life]. Life is a river, and if one goes against the current, they are knocked down. In life we have our agenda, but life has its own. Guess whose wins? Not yours. Fall down seven; get back up eight. The journey continues when one looks within, taking the hero’s journey, slaying their inner dragons, thus entering their heart, in turn entering their soul: their inner God. You are a creation of God; you are a part of God. The chasmic quest of the heart is the way.

You are not from the universe; you are of the universe: you are the universe. All the answers you seek in life lie within you. One only needs to bridge the heart divide to start finding answers. Once in your heart it will bestow upon you the ride of your lifetime. Looking into my heart sent me down a road that today I am still in the process of trying to digest, understand. It practically left me broke and homeless abroad in a wheelchair, more than once. I would not change a thing. I am where I should be. The story continues.

There are no mistakes in life; all roads lead to the same destination. Next preordained mooring: Mexico.  

Travel Blog: Click here.

Spiritual Blog: Click here.

Book: Unbreakable Mind. (Print, Kindle, Audio)

Doing The Dirty Dishes Podcast: Watch or listen to episodes and subscribe: Spotify, Apple Podcast, Buzzsprout.  Also available on Google Podcast, iHeart, Tunein, Amazon Alexa and Stitcher. 

Doing The Dirty Dishes YouTube channel – watch and subscribe.

Social Media links: Twitter, Instagram and Linkedin.

Travel Blog links: Covid-19 stranded in NYC JFK and Maine – also travel stories on Ireland, Spain, Sweden,  Belgium, Iceland, Colombia (Espanol version), Amsterdam, Germany, New Hampshire, TN and NYC.

Personal Website link where you can also find my book, photos of my travels and updates on current projects.  

Thank you for your love and support.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 7X4 Defending Your Life

I'm making an exception today, because I've figured out QUITE a bit about my own stress response

oh right the monster Dean killed

also to recap: my period has every sign of starting(including cramps) but nothing, I've been horribly nauseous all day, I feel a hunger response when I'm DEFINITELY not hungry(stress eating and it's the only thing that makes the nausea subside) and headache(altho that could be the lack of sleep). Also emotions all over the place(Crying, happy, very on the hat etc)

and the WORST part is I can NEVER tell until I have physical reactions. I can NEVER TELL WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN I THOUGHT I WAS PERFECTLY OK OR NOT FEELING ANYTHING

ooo chase scene

gHOST CAR

ooo good segway into intro

that cut coping mechanism does NOT seem like it's healthy

mONSTER OF THE WEEK

oh COME ON HERE's THE LYING

the visuals are cool

"license to kill"

no come on sam that was a good one.

"dead and sober, dead and crappy" no Dean, please, you need to figure that out

ah yes tortured soul

FL OW ER SH O P

that was suspicious

oh

it's just because she's dead and dead at 10

oh

the CAr

"makes you wonder if the guy who was drunk ran her over" *drinks beer*

O H H H H H HSIDOFAHPAS

GHOST RIDER

at least I know they're nerds, whoever wrote this

is it manifesting their guilty conscience

aw but the dog is so fluffy

*lies down, bounces back up again* lmaooo

Dean is Tired

didn't they DEAL With a ghost car?

it's people that kept going?

DEAN IS RUNNING ON SO MUCH EMPTY AHAHAHA

A H CUZ HE DIDN'T SLEEP BECAUSE THE GIRL HE KILLED

that took me as second

"If I ate apples" DEAN

also they're really doing license plate shots above how Cool the Impala is shots now, lil thing

"you won't even believe me" ahaha

...courtroom?

fUCKING NEAL'S TAVERNNNN

we kind of specialize in crazy ahaaha

"except that's complete crap"

"everyone judges all day long"

He just..takes punishment?

ahahah N O P E GREY AREA

no this is way more watchable

SA M SOUNDS SO TIRED AHAHA

*whispers* "stay put"

he DOES look good though

ok fine just gonna tune out the flirting

they ARE both pretty

is it that guy

the creepy guy in the shadows

how much is in scotch I have no idea

ah the red, what people were clawing

THAT'S NOT HOW OSIRIS WORKS but fine ok let's go

THAT'S NOT

ok fine

"it hones in on people who feel guilty, N OW WHO DOES THAT SOUND LIKE TO YOU" oh boy literally both of them got it that was hilarious

this does seem like he's talking himself into a role

the salt...might not work for osiris

shit she really is pretty

AH RED SAND ok ok yeah I see it ok

a h egyptian shit

ALL YOU NOTICED WERE THE SYMBOLS LMAOOO

THAT DOOR SLIDE WAS SO FUNNY

He's cool though, I like the pagan shit

"Sam, you're not a lawyer" "yes I was pre law" "pre"

"good one" "I saw that on the good wife"

THIS IS HILARIOUS

J O

oh no

the mining itself sucks but this concept is good

took his breathing away?

It reads a bit as excusing them for everything

She backs them up at least?

I miss her

see here's the thing, it kinda reads like they're out of ideas, but like...it's a good concept

ah so the stuff at the beginning was them showing their guilt

I like how he just says "them's the breaks"

yeah like Dean is ever gonna believe he's innocent

"dog food" oh they so desperately wanna say dog shit

"they want to be judged" echoes Dean

SAM IS TALKING COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS ASS

HE'S GETTING HIM OUT OF HIS GUILT COMPLEX OH THANK GOD FINALLY

"that it just...blows"

no one, including Dean, ever questions it, so the grief stews

oh

he does actually have some way with words

Dean please tell the truth

mate I get the impulse but still

dammit

ahaha Temporary but Long Temporary

"make sure it's a sharp piece" lmaoo

man I miss Jo

ah here we go

sam: u h

JOOOO

"you deserve better" on both ends

Dean Eldest Daughter Syndrome

"hunters are never kids, I never was"

he does Internalize things

that's why we kin

90% crap

"i get rid of that what then" "you really wanna die not knowing" HOLY SHIT

HOLYSHIT OH MY GOD OH MYGOD

ah the gas stove

"he's making me do this" oH NO

"just kind of faded...maybe a little bit happier"

hell was Sam's slate? huh

"I kind of feel good, Dean" I am glad he's happy, I don't know if I agree with the message

1. SAMMM. Dean was acting off the shits, so he had to step up and exasperatedly handle everything, and piece stuff together. Like mans is actually quite smart and quite resourceful when he has to be, and it's nice seeing that. It's also fun FINALLY seeing him lighthearted again, even if I don't like how.

2. Dean's guilt complex. Man internalizes a lot of things, and while they BARELY make sense(thin veneer, easily cracked) he hides it enough so that no one asks(and he represses so he certainly doesn't), and he can continue feeling guilty. Now here's the thing. He feels guilty, Sam doesn't, the middle ground is where they should be(taking responsibility) and they like...never do it.

3. monster of the week. No but having monsters switch to grey instead of black and white, and having Dean comment on it is SO good, because he's like...that Masculine Parody/Ideal depending on who's writing him, and like he was written to be the hero. any gray was always overridden by that. But with kripke gone, they start actually doing grey, and there's nothing simple anymore. Like I like with how off the shits it got, they still kept the theme of "it's more grey now" but like kinda for real(where Dean and Osiris said the same thing). ALSO, I think it would be useful as a scale back. I know they'll not do it because EVEN BIGGER DBZ LAZER is fun, but I think having more monsters of the week by choice and not "oh god we have runtime" would be really good, because that's where this storyline SHINES! it's got a lot of characters, a lot of lore, and a lot of issues to pick through, a monster of the week is WAY more effective than a longer story, and would help the scaling back issue.

4. pontificating about the season/why it's easier to watch. Like is this season as good/vibey? probably not really, but honestly I can actually stand watching it. Like it's very cringe in places but also, it doesn't hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable as kripke stuff does. It matches the vibe of "after work/school show" perfectly for what it is.

5. the vibes/Osiris. I like the idea of osiris and going to the bars, and the courtroom and the RED! SAND!! I got that one. But I'd also like to say that Dean saying the SAME thing that osiris said was like...he's not villainized, but I think they're trying to make him slowly grow as a character. It's like sympathy/he sucks kinda/we like him for him a sa character and I think that was really neat.

also barkeep lady pretty holy hell

6. it felt a little bit like excusing tho. Like if Sam is the good one, then it felt like excusing them of the harm they cause people. I want them to change their behavior! not beat themselves up over it or think it's fine cuz he went to hell because of it!

I'm so glad Sam is happy again but N O

7. J O. the "no autonomy, he's making me do this," the being able to see through things(and no longer hungering for something that she doesn't really know) (like...she wants SOMETHING, has it crawling under her skin but doesn't know what, and that's gone when she's dead) and that whole thing where she asked Dean if he wanted to die as a persona. Oh my god.

8. Dean persona. Yeah the whole thing where he had to convince himself to be a womanizer, the "I"m 90% crap line" OH MY GODD THAT HIT. That man is also a persona. maybe a commentary on american masculinity in general, maybe not. Also, eldest daughter syndrome, he internalizes everything and everything is his responsibility("I didn't get a childhood")

I feel like you can also make an argument how trauma makes you the extreme of something(uncaring for smol sam, internalizing for Eldest Dean), and it breaks your ability to do what you need to(empathetically do your fucking job and not be pieces of shit).

I see why this show was so popular amongst mentally ill people(myself included) holy christ

[mockingjayne12]

More Than Letters

(Jamie x Claire / Outlander Fic)

CHAPTER ONE:

“I knew it!  I knew it was the blonde wife,” Claire triumphantly chants from the couch, pointing her finger at the television of the latest progamme that her and Jamie have decided to binge watch.

“I dinna ken how you do that,” he scoffs, slowly removing her legs from his lap, placing them gently onto the couch, shaking his head in disbelief as he gets up.

“It was obvious,” Claire states, folding her legs up underneath her.  “I’d suspected her from the first series,” she touts with a raise of her brow.

“I like to give the benefit of the doubt to people,” he says with a grin, and she shakes her head.  

“No, the ones who appear nice are always the guiltiest,” she says with a mischievous quirk of her mouth.

Jamie makes his way to the kitchen, and Claire’s eyes track his every move, the way the muscles of his legs contract with every step, his sweatpants showing the outline of his physique, as her eyes track upward, the red curls he’d cut short nearly bouncing with each step.  He turns to wink at her before grabbing a glass and filling it with water.

“So cynical,” he says, taking a drink, and she swears her heart drops with his Adam’s apple every gulp he takes.

“Trust no one, my friend,” she warns, biting her lip and hoping that he doesn’t notice the way she holds her breath as she waits for his reply.

His brow rises, and he seems to be thinking, before walking back to her, the blue of his eyes settling onto her own, as if violet colliding in the wind.  She can feel the heat rise in her as Jamie nears closer until he’s practically hovering over her.

“Even you?” He asks, the question coming out like petals tickling her skin, familiar yet strangely fleeting, sending a shiver down her spine, until she finds her long leg sticking out, resting her foot on his stomach, the trace of his muscle evident against her toes, even through his shirt.

He leans in further, despite her foot keeping their distance, yet simultaneously allowing her to touch him.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” she says with a bite of her lip, her blue eyes begging for him to get a clue and confess his feelings for her.

He squints at her, her hand resisting the urge to trace the crinkles in the corners of his eyes.

“I can always count on ye, Sassenach,” he says with a light hearted air to his tone.  “Yer my best mate,” his rationale not exactly what she wanted to hear, and he teasingly twists her toes until she pulls them back, a slight nod at the thought of never being able to break from the friend zone.

“You’re bloody right you can,” she shoots back, trying to break the awkward tension she feels, but she’s pretty sure it’s just one sided, like everything else with them, her hopes plummeting to the bottom of her stomach, while he puts on his shoes, seemingly ignoring the disheartened look painting her face.

“I’ve gotta go,” he says, heading for the door, and she follows behind him, discarding the blanket they’d been resting beneath, her thigh having rubbed against his sweatpants during the episode, and the slight jump she swore she felt against him, resting in the recess of her mind, jumpstarting her heart against the electric current that seems to run between them whenever they’re together.

“I’ll see you later this week?” She asks, and hopes that she sounds casual enough, like two friends, not like one was desperately in love with the other, while he had absolutely no idea she even existed in that capacity.

“Aye, as soon as ye have a day off, let me know,” he says with a quick kiss to her cheek, and she stills her head, urging herself not to turn her head and plant her lips on the soft, somehow always pink, lips that have rested upon her skin.

“Mhmm,” she mumbles, unable to get a coherent thought out otherwise, collapsing against the door as she shuts it, feeling like every time they parted she was saying goodbye to the possibility of greatness, instead relishing herself to the inevitable.

That she was nothing more than a friend.  

A great one, she argues with herself.  But albeit, still a friend.  She was the book someone casually picked up from time and time, and although the plot was good, the writing exceptional, you never quite got around to finishing the story.  It was just left discarded on the nightstand, an old stand by that you assumed would always be around to finish, so you felt no rush, no need to claim its importance.

She’s barely made it back to the couch when she hears her phone ring.  Plopping down with a huff, her shirt twisting against the back of the pillow, pulling tightly against her.

“Hello?”

“He just left didn’t he?” She hears, and her head automatically looks around, as if she’s being watched.

“How do you know?”  The skepticism heard in her timbre of her voice.

“Ye always have this dejected tone when he’s just been around,” her friend Gillian throws out, and as much as she wants to deny her statement, she knows it’s true.

“I like hanging out with him, so…” She tries to reason, but she knows her friend hears right through the lie.

“Just tell the guy ye love him already, and please get some,” she practically begs through the phone.

“I do not—“ but she can’t even finish swallowing the lie, its taste so acerbic on her tongue she refuses to admit as much.  “He doesn’t like me like that,” she argues.  “He can do better,” she finally admits with a whisper.  “Like Laoghaire…” she throws out.  The blonde was a coworker of Jamie’s.  Claire had met her a handful of times when she’d been invited to the pub or at a work event when Jamie had brought Claire along.  She seemed nice enough, although there was always a watchful eye whenever she interacted with Jamie, as the blonde was also very much in love with him, that much Claire knew.  As apparently, they all were.

“Bitch, I wish ye could see the way that man looks at ye, it’s unhealthy,” and Claire can feel her rolling her eyes through the phone.  “Any guy would be lucky to have ye, including Jamie, and if he prefers that wh—

“Gillian…” Claire warns.

“If he prefers…that, over you, then ye’ve dodged a bullet,” the sincere comments only coming out when Claire was particularly down on herself.  But taking into account how her previous boyfriend, Frank, had largely ignored for the entirety of their relationship, it was difficult to see herself as anything but invisible when her best friend refused to see her as nothing but the woman who’d tripped her way into his existence.

“I don’t want just any guy,” she murmurs, and she can hear Gillian’s laugh echoing through the phone into her living space.

“I ken just fine, you want Mr. Tie-Me-Up-Now,” she giggles.

“Is there a reason you’re calling me?” Claire interrupts, her finger coming to her mouth, bitting at the skin of her thumb.

“All I’m saying is that ye should tell him.”

The room goes silent, Claire unsure how she should answer, the weight of the statement sitting on her chest.

“What if he doesn’t want me?”  Her voice nearly disappearing by the end of the question.  

Her friendship with Jamie had begun a few years before.  She’d stumbled into him, literally, in the outside nursery, tripping on a hose, and landing squarely on his chest.  He’d steadied her with his hands, as she looked up to get lost in the depth of blue that threatened to drown her right there and then in the soil of her clumsiness.

“Sorry, sorry,” she profusely made her apologies, only to find him grinning down at her, a smudge of dirt having made its way to her face in her haste to try to catch herself, the various plants she’d been holding splattering to the floor.

“Are ye alright?” He’d asked, and she’s stared helplessly up at the man that had caught her.

“Mhmm,” she mumbled, and he’d laughed.

That was the moment she knew she was a goner.

They’d chatted for a bit, quickly finding out that they lived on the same block, Jamie having recalled the display of flowers she had in her garden, often stopping to admire the bloom.

“I try,” she’d modestly admitted, and he’d sheepishly confessed with a hand to the back of his neck that he had something of a curse upon him when it came to getting plants to grow, in the sense that all of them seemed to die under his supervision.

She’d tried not to laugh, but a blush formed on his neck as a giggle escaped her mouth.

“Ye laugh, but it’s true, I canna seem to get anything to grow,” his grin climbed his face in a way that turned the heat up on that humid spiring day.

“So what are you doing here?” She’d found herself asking, her hand digging into the pockets of shorts, the curls on her neck turning into spirals at the heat of the day.

“Succulents,” he’d proudly confessed holding up the plant he’d been assured was unlikely to die under his care.

“Cute,” she’d chided, pushing the curls from her face, smudging more dirt on her forehead.

He’d leaned in closer, and she could feel the warmth from his body reaching out to her, begging to engulf her in its flame.  His hand had reached out, pushing the tendril of hair away from her skin, and with his thumb, he’d softly brushed the stray soil off of her.

“Uhh, thanks,” she’d choked out, her hands buried so deeply in her pockets, her skin tingled with the feel of his hands having whispered against her.

“See ye around,” he’d said, leaving her standing there among the flowers, mess of a person, with no chance of seeing this man again.

Until she did.  

What she had thought was a chance encounter with an unfortunate hose had ended up turning into a friendship, in which she’d found him cuddled into her couch most nights after work, binge watching television, ordering take out, with updates on his poor suffering succulent that she’d teasingly started referring to as “Stubby.”

“He’s thriving,” Jamie would claim, but she had a feeling he was floundering, much like she felt she was whenever he was in her presence.

“Claire.  Claire!” Her phone calling her back to reality.

“I’m here,” she says, shaking herself from reverie.

“I said, maybe ye should text him how you feel if you canna say it to his face, coward,” she teases.

“And say what?  Hey, I’m in love with you?  I don’t think so,” Her head shakes at the idea, as well as her nerves.  

“If we’re a fan of brevity,” she chirps.  “Or did ye not tell me once that yer parents used to write each other love letters…maybe put that flowery writing to use…”

She can hear the words echo in her mind as she sits down with a glass of whisky, Jamie’s influence, abandoning her usual gin and soda for something a bit stronger.

Opening up her laptop, the glow hits her face, casting a light on the stack of letters she holds.  They’re twined together with string, a pressed forget-me-not lays a top the words her parents had written to each other when they were separated at different universities.  She’d read them countless times, tracing over the ink of her mother’s curly script, and the slanted lines of her father’s letters.  They’d spilled their hearts on those pages, keeping every last one of them, until they were reunited, vowing to never leave the other again, keeping that promise even in leaving this earth together.

Her eyes well up at the thought, and she wipes away the tears that threaten to fall.

She quickly checks her work email, her thumbnail making its way to her mouth.  Gillian’s words ruminate in her head, contemplating actually admitting her feelings to Jamie.  The idea seems insane to her.  She knows he has no interest, he would’ve made a move otherwise, but then she feels his fingers against her skin, the gentle way they’d danced across her temple, steadied her in his arms, the way he’d show up with the exact food she’d been craving all week, or how he’d text her good morning, or the habitual way his arm would come around her shoulders, pulling her in closer when they walked, or the jump she felt at the contact of her leg against his own…

her hand coming out to touch the petal of a wildflower, one of many that sit upon her table in various glasses, appearing as if by magic, just when one has died, each and every one of them pressed into the books that line her shelves, her new companions and their vibrant hues brightening her day almost as much as when she thought of the man who put them there…

and she creates a new, anonymous account.

With a sigh, her fingers fly across the keyboard, words seeming to sprout from her thoughts, blossoming into everything she’d ever wanted to say.  The minutes tick by, until she feels that she must surrender to the exhaustion casting its shadow over her in the wake of adrenaline draining.

Claire laughs at the absurdity, the idea of actually confessing her feelings however anonymously was a good exercise, but certainly not something that she would intentionally send off to be judged, ultimately met with rejection and the loss of a friend.  She had way too much to lose.  They weren’t like her parents, their souls weren’t intwined, it was just her, her wildflower heart, reaching for the sun, and finding the rain.

Clicking out of the email, she shuts her laptop, dragging her feet into bed, the sheets enveloping her in crisp coolness, longing for the warmth of the man she had been yearning for, but never felt quite in reach of.

xxxxxx

-Pizza.

She’d gotten his text just as she was leaving the nursey.  It had been long a day of fulfilling orders, and if she’d had any energy left, she’d have sprinted out the doors, but instead she slowly made her way to the car, her phone lighting up with Jamie’s name and his weekly guess that was always accurate.

-You think you know me sooooo well.

She teases, wondering if he was capable of knowing what she really wanted or if the mere suggestion of him willing to eat whatever she wanted each and every week was enough to have her agreeing because she didn’t want him to stop in his quest to please her.

-I live rent free in that head of yours.

And fuck if that wasn’t accurate.

-What if I said I was craving chips?

-I guess we’ll be putting chips on our pizza.

The snort that comes from her nose has her blushing alone in her vehicle, a smile plastered to her face all the way home.

Jamie’s already inside by the time she gets home, sprawled out on the couch, having exchanged keys some time ago.  He’s made himself at home, pizza box resting on the coffee table, two beers just waiting for her to join him.

Tossing her shoes off, she’s sure some soil still clings to hers as she plops down next to him, her head resting on the back of the couch, sinking into the down.

“Rough day?” She hears, a stray curl being tucked behind her ear.

“Eh,” she mutters with a sigh, sitting up and reaching for the pizza box.  “You?” She asks, opening the box to find a pile of chips resting in the middle.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?” She says with a smile, grabbing a chip and shoving it into her mouth, looking over to find her smile mirrored back to her, reaching for his beer.

“My day was pretty wild, actually,” he says with a drink.

“Oh yeah?  What exactly does a ‘wild’ day in the whisky business look like?”  Claire asks with a smirk, going in for a slice of pineapple pizza, and she can’t help but read way too much into the fact that he orders it that way even though she knows he thinks it’s sacrilege to put the yellow fruit on pizza.

“It wasna so much work that was wild, but I received this email…” Claire nods as she chews.  “Apparently, I have a secret admirer.”

The sound of Claire’s choking cough the only reaction she can muster.

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 3--Hunted.

 Most of you lovelies already realize this, but my thoughts tend to zig and zag quite a bit, lol.  So.  To save some of you the headache and spare you from seeing spoilers you’d rather not see yet, I’m again placing them behind a cut.  

First things first.  I have totally turned into Yvette Nicole Brown with her TWD notebooks, lol, and I’m not even sorry.  I just felt like it would be fun to go back when the final episode is in the books and see how well my thoughts from these early episodes line up with what I’m feeling when we say our (not-so) final goodbyes.  

But that’s enough about that. Let’s get to this thing.  

It really is insane how very much I love Melissa McBride.  Just hearing her doing the previously on TWD recap voiceover makes me ridiculously happy.  

Cole!  Dude!  We hardly knew ya.  

Not gonna lie.  That first shot of Maggie in all the chaos reminded of a shirt I’ve seen.  It says--”Well, well, well.  If it isn’t the consequences of my actions.”  

I have to hand it to Angela and the rest of her team.  These opening scenes--on all 3 episodes--have been BOMB so far.  They really hook you in right away.  At least IMHO.  

I realize I’m behind the game on this little tidbit, but how much do I adore the fact that Dog is now in the opening credits?  

Okay.  Alexandria might look like it’s been on some kind of post-apocalyptic bender but all our girls are looking beautiful as ever.  Maybe it’s Maybelline, lol.  

I love to see Kelly and Carol still gravitating toward each other.  It really speaks to each woman’s heart.  Carol wants to make amends so badly and Kelly just has the most lovely, warm, forgiving heart.  

Carol’s point about Alexandria still needing the horses to help with the heavy lifting and pointing out the walls and rebuilding won’t matter quite as much if they’re limited by their  hunger and what they can physically lift on their own isn’t wrong.  But I’m sure the same viewers that were okay with Daryl and Co. going out on Maggie’s suicide mission (using the same reasoning) and saying it made sense for the bigger picture will pretend not to recognize that the same element is there in Carol’s desire to go out there and look for the horses.  You know.  Because it was Carol’s idea and not that of their fave(s).  

Aaron, Man.  Or maybe I should say Angela.   You just had to put a pit of dread in my belly mentioning Buttons like that.  RIP, Buttons.  You deserved better.  I’m still traumatized.  

Look at all the babies bonding.  Look at RJ getting to sit at the big kid table.  

“My mom always comes back.”  She damn well better.  Those babies need her.  Until she does, though, Uncle Daryl and Aunt Carol (and Aunt Rosita and everybody else) are going to be there.  

Anyway.  Poor RJ.  He barely ever gets any lines, lol.  

Hershel and Judith are obviously the mini-adults in this group and baby Rhee is already more cynical and jaded than his sweet daddy was until they reached Alexandria and the wheels started to come off.  

So.  Does Maggie just think everybody’s already dead here or what?  Hmm.  

You know.  Any building can be creepy AF when the lights are off and it’s dark, lol.  Any building.  

So much darkness so far this season.  I’m going to have to invest in some blackout curtains.  I just know it.  

Where are all those stairs leading?  Why am I thinking of Hitchcock?  Am I mixing up my scary, suspenseful movies?  Probably.  

Of fucking course, Maggie dropped her flashlight.  Thank goodness she had that lighter at the ready just before Ghost Face Reaper took a swipe at her.  

Is that Father G with a screwdriver impaled in his thigh?  Listen.  These people deserve a Mega Bottle of pain killers and a week just vegging out in a soft, luxurious bed.  

All these horror movie tropes.  Some of them are cheesy, yes.  But I’m totally here for it.  

LMAO.  That’s it, Maggie.  A good old punch in the nuts works every time.  

Alden really is having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.  

Negan is still Negan.  Self-serving and looking out for number one.  But I believe the man really does feel the group is his group too.  He’s like that long lost, sketchy uncle nobody wants to acknowledge much less invite to the dinner table, but that bond?  However thin?  Is there.  

I am both hating that Maggie is being forced to work with the man that murdered her husband (my baby Glenn) and finding it fascinating the lengths she’s willing to go to survive.  This your plan, Angela?  

Rosita and Carol!  How sad is it that the last really significant scene I can remember the two of these women sharing was way back?  Before Rick and Co. attacked Negan’s outpost and Maggie and Carol were subsequently taken?  If only the show had done more of these kind of scenes.  

How much do I love all the girls working together?  Gimps would never.  They’d all be stuck back at Alexandria minding the kids and the community.  

Shallow aside--Rosita is so pretty in this scene.  

Rosita being worried about Carol honestly makes my heart hurt, because it’s about damn time more of them actually did.  Her saying Abraham is trying to tell her something in her dreams is interesting.  Angela sure loves her dreams, doesn’t she?  

Where are Daryl’s dreams, hmm?  No.  Seriously.  I guess they want to give some viewers plausible deniability until the bitter end.  

“Really?  We’re just gonna go toward the screaming?  Cool.”  Hahaha.  You know.  Even the smart people in horror movies sometimes bite it, Negan.  Just saying.  Maggie really does need to “stop running up the staircase” when she could just run out the front door though, lol.  

Poor Duncan.  I think you could have been another Tyreese, Jerry type for me.  

WTF does this show have against horses?  Those poor creatures.  

Kelly is totally me right now.  I’d be freaking inconsolable.  

Carol needed that hug.  Thank you, Magna.  From the bottom of this tired fangirl’s heart, thank you.  

Why give us that beautiful, golden shot with the horses when you’re planning to stab us through the heart later and twist the knife.  Oh.  Yeah.  That’s exactly why.  

Oh snap!  Father G’s delivery when he tells that Reaper “I’m not.  God isn’t here anymore.”  Cold as ice.  

Judas.  That the Reapers’ work.  Or.  Damn.  Either way, that’s harsh.  

Back to what Alden was saying.  All these oprhaned children.  Who’s going to take on Adam if he dies?  That poor kid has had a rough go of it.  Knowing that, makes you wonder what Alden was thinking volunteering for the suicide mission.  

Omigosh.  There went Agatha.  Terrible way to go.  Right, Beatrice?  

I’m sobbing.  Carol with the horse.  That hurt my baby so much but she hurt herself for her family the same way she has been doing since the Prison.  Melissa Mcbride?  When she cries, I cry.  Every effin’ time.  Aaron being there just made it hurt more.  But at least someone was there to see how and really take in how she continues to break pieces of herself off to keep her family as whole and safe and happy as she can.  

Rewinding a minute--that Magna and Carol conversation.  I get Magna’s reasoning too.  I do.  But Angela is just making everything so dire right now so that the sun when Connie is ultimate found shines a ltitle brighter.  

Those babies know they’re eating horse.  I could never.  

That’s got to be a different Coco.  She’s even smaller.  But she’s gorgeous.  

Fucking finally.  Angela having the other characters notice after an eternity of being blind to it, just how much Carol sacrifices of herself for them.  It’s so long overdue and I imagine Rosita’s even more worried for Carol now.  It’s a shame it’s taken 11 seasons.  My baby’s had blood on her hands trying to keep her family safe and whole and happy and fed for a long damn time.  So heartbreaking watching her try to scrub the blood away.  

Sweet, sweet hug that Kelly gave Magna.  She’s such a sweetheart kid sis to all of them, isn’t she?  

Interesting place of refuge.  A gutted church.  A visual symbol, Angela, of where Maggie and the rest of our people are now perhaps?  

“It’s easy for you, isn’t it?  Being reckless with sombody’s life...”  Maggie.  Maggie.  Those words would have hit so much harder if we hadn’t spent the majority of the last 2.5 episodes watching you ignore sound advice just because it came out of the mouth of somebody you (justifiably) hate.  

But will Alden be there when Maggie and Negan get back?  That is the question.  Or will he eventually Lucille himself?  

That little bit of lineup Negan music to remind the audience of Negan lovers and sympathizers that he once took great pleasure in murderously swinging a bag at people’s heads was a nice, subtle touch there.  Like agree with her or not, Maggie  is literally left to rely  on the hope, however small it is, that Negan has changed just enough that he won’t try to finish a job he taken on years before--killing what’s left of her.  

Oh lawd.  Next episode sees the return of a character literally nobody asked for.  How excited am I not?  

Dog better not be harmed or so help me.  

Now for Angela’s weekly explanations of WTF she/there were thinking because they been doing this plausible deniability thing so long some people out there watching with biased, muddy stan glasses can no longer separate head canon from canon.  

Is Maggie worried at all about Daryl or does she just assume his superhero powers are in full effect in this episode?  

“You can’t really say it wasn’t going to happen anyway.”  Not Angela pointing out that simply laying the blame for literally everything bad that ever happens at Carol’s feet isn’t the answer.  Say it louder for those in the back.  Alpha was going to do what Alpha wanted to do.  

“There is love there.  There is respect there.  However, there’s also frustration...”  You damn skippy.  Friendships and human relationships are complex AF.  Like Carol. She’s honestly one of the most complicated characters on this show and any show, IMHO.  That’s what makes her so memorable and such a lightning rod for discussion.  

I know I might be in a minority, but I really feel like they need more of those little scenes between the kids to keep things real.  

Kang saying she always feels like she’s going to get murdered in a staircase or parking lot is relatable, funny, and sad all at the same time.  It’s a girl thing.  

Why is Carol’s story giving me Dark Knight vibes?  Like I feel like she’ll gladly shoulder the burden of their distrust, their hate, or their judgment as long as the hard choices she makes keeps them safe.  And she’s still ultimately going to come back to save their asses even when they forsake her.  Just like Bruce Wayne/Batman.  Am I reaching too far, lol?  Because sometimes I do that.  

Anyway.  This is the third episode of the season and the third episode in a row that I mostly enjoyed.  I don’t know if I’m just so relieved and happy to have all the characters and my show back or what, but overall?  I’ve been pleased with the episodes and found something to love in all of them.  

There’s a much stronger horror vibe woven throughout Season 11 so far.  I feel like it’s a return to the roots of the show and I like that.  Literally none of the characters are making perfect choices and this viewer is here for it.  My only complaint so far is there hasn’t been enough Carol but what we’ve been given has felt like a gift and significant in a way that Gimps’ version was not.  Also?  I really hope the trend of the ladies working together and supporting each other continues because they rule the TWD world, lol.  

Hope you enjoyed at least some of my TWD word vomit.  

Until next episode.  

[ateezmakemeweep]

could you please do a mafia reaction of finding out that the girl they have a crush on is leading a mafia? thank you!

❥ kim hongjoong

hongjoong knew the second he met you that you were strong, watching as you elbowed a guy right in the face who tried to grab you outside the sleazy looking bar. it’s what first drew him to you, what made him approach you later that night and confess that even though you scared the shit out of him, he liked you. 

you couldn’t help but laugh at him, throwing a smirk his way as you wrote your number on a piece of paper and stuck it in the pocket of his shirt. date number one turned in to date number four and when you so casually mentioned what you do for work, his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. 

“are-are you even allowed to tell me that?” he stuttered, a melodic laugh leaving your mouth that scared him as much as it intrigued him; drew him in like he just knew he was more than willing to allow you to ruin him if that’s what you wanted to do.

“something tells me you’re not gonna tell anyone.” your foot ran along the expanse of his leg, swirling your tongue around the straw as you watched an amused, almost proud smile cross his face. 

❥ park seonghwa

“i don’t like it, y/n.” 

the second seonghwa found out you were leading a mafia, the change in him was immediate. he was overprotective by normal standards, just in day to day life whether it be making sure you were wearing your seatbelt or texting him when you got home safely at night. 

but this. knowing you were out in the world fighting and conniving and meeting with dangerous people? he couldn’t stand it. he said he would never let you out of his sight again, that he’d accompany you on any and all missions to ensure your safety; and even when you told him the wasn’t necessary, the stubborn boy shook his head and narrowed his eyes at you. 

you thought it was cute that he thought he had a say in the matter, though, pushing him backward until his knees hit the back of the chair. he looked up at you with a wide eyed expression, his adams apple bobbing as you straddled his lap and ran your finger over his lips. 

“well you better start to,” you whispered in his ear, your breath fanning across his skin as you arch your back and press yourself against him. “because you don’t really have a choice, do you?”

❥ jeong yunho

“i’m telling you, she’s into some crazy shit,” mingi tells him, the two giant boys watching you from the car. you had went in to pick up the chicken order, $100 in hand as you fearlessly walked in the store. 

“what are you talking about?” yunho asked, shaking his head at his friend’s nonsense. he knows he’s had a crush on you for weeks, insisting that while you’re pretty and nice there's also something… mysterious about you. the way you carry yourself and always look so constantly on edge. like you’re about ready to-

“what the fuck!” 

mingi and yunho jump out of the car when they see the commotion through the windows, a man probably taller than them jumping away from you and over the seat of a table. but you’re quick to grab him by the back of the shirt and flip him over your shoulder, his back on the floor as your boot-covered foot press down on his neck. 

they walk in and hear you on the phone, your voice commanding that the target was found and to get here immediately. your eyes widen when you see the two boys staring at you, a small smile replacing your face before you casually hold up the bag of chicken. 

“i got it!” you smile, your sing song voice such a horrifying contrast to the way your high heel is digging into a man’s neck. 

❥ kang yeosang

you and yeosang couldn’t be more different, even down to the way you like your coffee and what ice cream flavors you like. you’d been drawn to him because he was shy and withdrawn and he admired you because you were confident and outgoing. it took him two weeks just to to gain the courage to smile at you, every time he caught your gaze looking away in embarrassment. 

“i think i should probably tell you what i do,” you told him one night, your legs sprawled out across his lap as you toy with his fingers. 

he didn’t even understand it at first, his head cocked to the side as he nodded his head in confusion. but it wasn’t until he saw you in action that he really understood, your body hunched over the desk as you screamed into the phone about a particular job. his eyes widened when he sees you tuck a gun in the back of your tight jeans, wondering where the hell the weapon had even came from. 

“what the- y/n, where did you get-”

“i’ll be back in a bit,” you tell him, walking over and pressing up on your toes to peck his lips. it was the first time you kissed him and he couldn’t even dwell on that fact, all too distracted and concerned by the way you sauntered out of the room with a determined, powerful stride. 

❥ choi san

he was always curious about the girl he’d see in the gym, your figure small and face kind but the way you worked out and lifted the bar above your head impressive. he tried not to stare, hating to be that creepy guy in the gym but not being able to help but admire your stamina and work ethic. 

but it was when he saw you through the glass at a kickboxing class that he knew he had to talk to, almost as petrified as he was impressed because you really look like you could beat the shit out of someone. 

“i was honestly scared of you,” san told you a few months later over coffee, your head thrown back in laughter as you smirk at him. “good,” you tell him with a sweet, teasing smile. “you should be.”

he had laughed and took your words as a joke, his heart fluttering the more you talk and laugh with him. but then a few weeks later when he found out you were in fact someone to be scared of, something so sweet and pretty wrapped up in mafia business, as a leader no less, he almost couldn’t believe it. 

“you…weren’t kidding,” he stuttered out, “i should be scared of you.” but you couldn’t help but smile up at the sweet boy you’ve come to really like after these past few months, wrapping your arms around his neck as you cock your head to the side at him.

“only if you fuck with me.”

❥ song mingi

you hadn’t met for him to find out this way. you wanted to ease him in to it, knowing that even though your friend turned crush was big and looming and looked threatening, he was anything but; at a first glance, you thought he’d be a great addition to your team. but then you saw just how much he cuddled into people, how he couldn’t even watch a scary movie or go through a cheesy haunted house without screaming. 

so seeing you outside your house, two bloodied men at your feet with a knife steady in your hand, you thought for sure he was gonna pass out. 

“y/n….y/n, what the…did you do that…i-“

“mingi, it’s okay,” you tell him softly, like you’re talking to a child who just walked in on there favorite animal who got ripped up by the family dog. “they were bad people. i had to do this.” 

he watches you with slight fear in his eyes, watching as you bend down and use the man’s shirt to wipe the blood off the knife. the sight only makes him ready to vomit, in disbelief that you, the girl who giggles with him under the blanket as your cold feet tangle, are so callously using a dead men’s shirt to clean off his own blood. 

“what? don’t tell me you’re scared of me now.”

❥ jung wooyoung

you had done countless things to get wooyoung to shut his mouth in the months you’ve known him. covering his ace with your hand, offering to pay him $5 to not talk through one single thirty minute episode, bribing him with food and dessert and anything edible in the house really.

but when he found out from another loud mouthed friend of his that you were the leader of a mafia, you’d never seen the boy so quiet. he didn’t necessarily look scared or upset, just…curious. 

“so you like…kill people?” 

you chuckle at the question, walking over to him and plopping down on his lap the way you’ve done many times before. “bad people. people who deserve it.” he hums thoughtfully a your answer, his arms circling around your hips hesitantly as he takes in this information. 

“and sometimes,” he hears you say suddenly, puling his shirt down and smirking against his ear. “people who never know when to shut their mouth. but they’re only in excruciating pain for a few weeks, i would never kill them.”

he moves his head back to look at you, not being able to tell if the teasing in your eyes and voice is a complete joke or not; so he thinks that maybe, the next time you ask him to stay quiet during your show, he’ll find that the television is extremely interesting and warrants all of his attention.

❥ choi jongho

the boy didn’t know who he worked for. 

he just knew they were powerful, extremely cunning and someone no one wanted to mess with. but he saw you come out of the vip office several times as he stood guard outside, greeting each other with soft smiles before you eventually started to talk. 

it was small talk really, just about weekend plans and the weather and coworkers but it was enough for him to grow a tiny crush on you. he wondered what your purpose here was, looking far too sweet and unassuming to be associated with this shady place. 

“you better be careful,” one of his co-workers said. he had been watching you and jongho grow closer each week, his happy smile and kind, round eyes softening every single time he saw you. 

“what do you mean?”

and when the man started to laugh, jongho became even more confused. be careful of you? of forming a crush on a coworker? of mixing business and pleasure?

“you really don’t know who that is?” the man asked, both of their heads craning over to you on the phone, a sadistic smirk on your face as you roll your eyes at whoever’s talking on the phone. “her crazy ass is probably putting a hit out right now, she’s the leader of this shit.”

jongho nearly fell on his ass at this information, your eyes meeting his and eyebrows raising up. “surprised?” you mouth, the boy’s eyes widening and heart racing because he did not expect that. 

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs “Christmas.”

 wrote this based on a request for fluff, so I have delivered the fluff. There is a certain group of you who will probably be a little bit made at me when you finish :)

But here is the token Christmas episode, and I hope you all like it 

“Alright, try it now.”

“But Commander, I'll have to pull power from the reactor core.”

“I said do it airmen, did it sound like a question?”

“Yes, sir.”

A sudden eruption of lights exploded about the mess hall, and down the hallways of the ship, thousands of tiny twinkling lights. Krill, having been walking to speak with the Commander paused at the entrance to the room and spun around in wonder. Lines upon lines of lights had appeared out of nowhere to be projected around the walls of the room and down the hallways of the ship. They weren’t  bright or anything, instead an almost delicate yellow in color gently twinkling like the light of distant stars.

“Get those overhead lights off,”

With a loud thud, the lights switched off, casting the room into the warm ambient glow of those thousand twinkling lights. He spun in a circle staring up at the ceiling, shocked to find a mosaic of falling snowflakes, which faded and vanished before hitting the floor,

“Give me more fall-off on that snow airman. Tomorrow better be magical or someone is getting their ass fired.”

He turned his head again eyes widening in geater wonder as they fell on the center of the room. The flickering, projected hologram of a massive tree. It was one of those furry looking earth plants that could reach higher than thirty feet tall, though this one only nearly brushed the ceiling. It stood in the middle of the room decorated by hundreds more twinkling lights, yards of red ribbon and shiny glass balls. Atop the tree, there was projected the human caricature of a star glittering with firelight.

Tongues of phantom fire licked against the far wall, under a mantle of stone and brick.

Krill turned in another wide circle as the strange lights flickered around him, reminding him strangely of the space walk he had gone on with the commander so long ago, stepping out into the darkness surrounded by stars, alone in the vastness of space, but where that had been cold and distant, this was a close warmness that filled him up from the inside and made him feel oddly warm.

Soft footsteps behind him and then a  pause.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“What is it?’

“Realistically, more than four thousand years of pagan-christian and corporate tradition.” Krill looked up to find the array of glittering lights reflected against the human’s bright green iris. His voice grew soft, though it stayed warm, “More romanticized…. This is…. Home. This is childhood and imagination, and family wrapped in a box and tied with a bow. This is being warm when its cold and loved when you’re alone. This is comfort on the edges of space when earth is a trillion lightyears away and you may never go back.”

“Feeling a bit poetic today I see?’

The Commander shrugged, “Maybe a little…. Kind of homesick too.” he sighed, “This is the first year I won’t be celebrating Christmas with my family.” 

“Christmas?”

“Yeah, I’m not exactly sure what it meant to other people, but when I was a kid, it was mostly just a day to celebrate our family…. Mom loves Christmas, she goes all out every year, even when things were tight…. She always managed to make things special. One year dad snuck out in the middle of the night and left reindeer tracks in the snow to convince us they had been there.”

“Er, Reindeer?”

“Ah, never mind. I’ll tell you about it later. Important thing is getting everything ready for tonight. If you want to see the real magic.”

Krill stared at the commander as he walked away not entirely sure what the hell that was supposed to mean. He was trailed by a rather grumpy looking Glados. In the past few months the adaptid had grown to the size of a medium sized dog, and the Commander was, more and more, forcing her to walk on her own, Which she didn’t much like.

Krill glanced around at the lights one last time before returning down the hall and towards the medical bay. All across the ship crew members were busy putting up decorations, stringing strange fluffy streamers over the exposed piping. 

One crew-member, in a red and a green hat with a bell on top was hanging strange plants from the tops of doorways. He looked on in confusion before stepping into the medical bay greeted by Dr. Katie, who was wearing a red and white dress with a matching hat and striped leggings. She looked like a peppermint stick...

“Good evening krlll, are you ready for christmas?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Other than it's some sort of human holiday.”

“Yeah, it’s the one day of year where people get together and give each other gifts and stuff. To some people it means different things, simply a family day or to celebrate religious figures. Just sort of depends. Some people don’t celebrate it at all, but the Commander seems pretty big on christmas, so why not.”

“Why are you dressed up like that?”

She winked at him, “Because I’m an elf silly.”

“You know this is almost the first time in half a year in which I have no understood a single word coming out of your mouth. She simply winked and continued on her way whistling happily.” 

Of course the night came, and out of Character Dr. katie curled up on one of the hospital beds and fell asleep leaving Krill alone in the half darkness. He spent the rest of his time on the internet looking up information on the so-called holiday. What he found was a tangled mess of pagan-cristian-and corporate traditions just like the Commander had suggested. A lot to do with saints and demons and more information than he was willing to read all the way through at this moment. He wasn’t a xeno historian after all.

The night wore on, and he sensed a strange stillness in the air around him caused by the ambient light leaking in from the hallway, warm and fiery.

It was close to two in the morning when a knock came on the door to the medical bay. Dr. Katie stirred and sat up adjusting her dress as she ran over motioning Krill after her. Curiously he followed after her, stepping into the hall to find….. More than a strange sight. There was Conn, draped all over in glittering tinsel to add to his flowing ribbons. A couple other humans were dressed in the strange red and green costumes with pointy hats and bells on their shoes. Waffles, the dog, was sitting just before the door wearing a fake pair of antlers, her tongue lolling happily from one side of her mouth. Sitting with her were the three adaptids in similar states of dress glados looking cowed but a little more than miffed to be there. Both of them were covered in bells as well, and all of that strangeness arrayed around the weirdest thing of all,  a very large fat man in a blindingly red suit, and big white beard.

He moved forward ad Dr. Katie hopped over to join the strange party grinning and giggling as she patted waffle’s head. The dog licked her hand, “You make such adorable reindeer.” She reached down to pat Glados next, and the adaptid sulked, but didn’t try to bite her as she might have done with someone else.

“HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!” Said the big fat man, and looking up into his eyes, Krill suddenly grew very suspicious. He had only ever seen a shade of green like that on one human.

“What the hell have you done to yourself.” he demanded.

Adam raised an eyebrow, though most of his face was covered by a beard, “I have no idea what you’re on about.”

Krill was horrified, “Look at you…. How…. how do you gain that much weight in such a short amount of time. Are you mad? Are you ok? Are you going to die of a heart attack in the next fifteen minutes because something tells me this can’t be healthy.” He glared at the human, “When were you going to tell me that humans could just spontaneously gain an enormous amount of weight. Whatever this is, it is an immediate medical emergency. Plus the beard, some serious hormonal dis-regulation I can’t even begin to imagine what sort of-”

“KRILL! Its a suit, a costume, I didn’t just spontaneously gain weight.” The human adjusted his beard voice sounding more normal now that he wasn’t trying to make it deeper, “I’m Santa Claus? 

“And who is that supposed to be?”

“Well, he is the physical embodiment of the spirit of Christmas. Legend says, he lives at the north pole, and works with the elves making toys all year round. He keeps to lists, and on one list appears the name of all the well behaved children, and on the other list appears the names of the naughty children, he will check both lists twice, and there is no point trying to trick him because he sees everything. And then on the night of Christmas, he gathers all the presents into the back of his sleigh, which is pulled by nine magical flying reindeer. Then, he takes all night to to fly all around the world delivering presents to kids. Most of the time he comes down the chimney, if you have one. He will fill stockings (socks) hung over the fireplace with small toys and then put the big presents under the Christmas tree. If you were a bad kid than he wouldn’t leave a present, but a lump of coal instead. Generally it is recommended that one leaves some cookies and a glass of milk out as a thank you, oh, and carrots for the reindeer.”

….

There was silence for a long moment, “What  in the name of beelzebub's balls kind of story is that.”

Even through the beard he could tell that Adam was frowning, “Stop being such a Grinch. It’s a great story, to help kids behave, and keep the magic alive for a little while before you become and old cantankerous adult that doesn’t believe in anyone or anything anymore.”

“And what is a grinch.”

“A grinch is an angry green person who hates to see other people happy….. Arguably they also hate corporate Christmas, but I digress. Scrooge is also someone who doesn't get the point of Christmas, and both are definitely insults, now come on. You are joining me and my elves while we go deliver presents.”

Before he could protest, he was presented with pointy hat with a bell on it, and forced to follow as they wandered silently off down the halls.

Adam pulled out a clipboard, “Alright everyone, our list here says that approximately 85% of the crew celebrates Christmas, but we will still be delivering presents to everyone because we are nice and that is what we do. Nobody is expected to join in tomorrow but everyone is invited because we aren't trash humans.” Glados and Waffles walked at his heels as the rest of the humans followed behind lugging large bags over their shoulders, “Alright Katie, you’re with me in filling the stockings, the rest of you are charged with leaving a trail to the mess hall where the actual presents will be, one for everyone at least, no one is left out. Corporal, you get the people who don’t celebrate Christmas, and just leave the gifts outside their doors. Make sure to leave the notes for them as well so  they know they are invited if they want to come.” 

“Yes s…. Ur Mr. Claus?” 

“Damn Straight.”

“What about the Drev?”

“I am including them in the list of people who celebrate simply because I want them to have the experience once before they decide whether they like it or not. Everyone should get the chance to at least choose.”

It too nearly the next few hours to get things done. Krill Accompanied the Commander, Conn, waffles, and the Adaptids as they jingled quietly up the halls slipping into rooms where crew members had been instructed to leave socks hanging from their bed frames. 

On more than one occasion Krill watched as a very confused human, light sleeper, sat up and watched blearily as they exited the room with a confused look on their faces. Some seeming even amused. The heavier sleepers didn’t notice a thing.

They reached the Drev and Marine quarters at some point towards the end of the night, making it through one relatively quickly, but just as he was about to step into the last room, Glados growled and snapped at his boot. 

Commander…. Santa? Looked down and harrumphed, “Someone here is going on the naughty list.” Katie and Krill leaned forward as a light shined down on the delicate silver trip wire cut across the door.

Katie snorted, “Coal.”

Quietly, he stepped over the line and into the room Glados leaping behind him. “Alright which one of the naughty children is trying to capture St. Nick?”

Krill turned on his thermal vision and could see the vast majority of the marines were not sleeping.”

He turned to look over at Krill and Conn, who motioned in the direction of one of the beds. He walked quietly over leaning next to the ear of the ‘supposedly” Sleeping marine, “I see you when you’re sleeping Ramiez .”

There was an eruption of uncontained giggling around the room, which was rather strange coming from the large, muscular humans.

“Oh…. kinky.” A muffled voice whispered from somewhere.

More giggling.

“Is that you Santa?” 

“Guess who's getting coal for Christmas.” 

He turned towards the door.

“Wait, wait, Santa, wait! I have a question. “ 

He paused in the doorway raising his eyebrows at the marines who were sitting up, “What?”

“How did you get here without reindeer?”

He wagged a finger at them, “Very carefully. You better thank my elves, they had to get degrees in engineering, physics and rocket science to get me here. And what is worse, my Star-sleigh was pulled by a bunch of snarky starborn led by that one.” He pointed towards Conn, “he almost guided us into a black hole, so you better be nice and leave me out some cookies next year.” 

He stepped over the tripwire and back out into the hallway allowing the door to shut closed behind them.

Outside there was a trail of tinsel and strange footprints leading away from the doors and down the halls. He left the bag just outside the door with the rest of the stocking stuffers in it, not ever having intended to leave the marines with just coal.

They took one last jingling run up and down the halls for effect before retreating to the mess hall where they promptly passed out on bean bags by the holographic tree in front of the holographic fire. 

Glados crawled up onto the fake belly and curled up there glowering at anyone who got to close. Waffles and the other adaptids curled up just to the side.

***

Sunny woke up early the next morning thinking how odd it was, that strange tinkling sound in the middle of the night. She sat up looking over at the sock she had been asked to place in her room. She had been forced to borrow it from someone considering she didn’t wear socks, and was surprised to find something sticking out of it.

She wandered over and tipped the contents into her hands surprised to find an earth flower, and some miscellaneous items of use for her work down in engineering.

Curiously, she opened the door into the hallway idly munching on the flower, and found a trail leading from her door and down the hall. The scene surprised her, and she wasn’t entirely sure what to think. It clearly had the intention of being followed, and curious, she followed finishing off the flower as she came around the corner dropping the stem in surprise when she saw the room before her.

Hundreds of holographic lights, a tree, fire, piles of blankets and beanbags and lounging humans half asleep. Conn was floating up near the ceiling trailing tinsel. Krill was hovering beside the tree looking more than a little confused. Dr. Katie was moving wrapped gifts below the tree dressed like a peppermint stick.

Adam….. Well Adam was peeling off a suit that added about two hundred pounds to his frame. It seemed as if there had also been a fake beard and massive coat, as far as she could see. Took him a few seconds to wriggle out of the boots and oversized pants dumping them on a chair close by leaving him in a white shirt and military issue olive green pants.

He looked up from where he had dumped his costume and grinned at her.

She walked closer.

“Merry Christmas.”  

“Erm…. Merry Christmas?.... What’s a Christmas.”

“Apparently it’s a human holiday perpetrated on the idea that a magical fat man in a red suit, flies around the world on a magical sleigh pulled by magical non-flying flying mammal to deliver presents to children who were good…. Oh also he watches you when you sleep.” Sunny stared at Krill  in confusion.

Overhead Conn was mimicking voiceless laughter.

“Don’t mind him, he's being a little grinch as usual. Come on, we’re just waiting to give people time to show up, and then we are gonna open presents.”

“How did you manage to get something for everyone?

“Well I asked for help number one, but number two, what else am I supposed to do with my money. I mean I have a place to live, a place to sleep, entertainment, food, anything a guy could as for, so I just threw a paycheck or two at it. Otherwise its just sitting in my bank account collecting dust until I can find something dumb and nerdy to spend it on…. I thought…. Well I thought this would mean more than getting myself a light-saber or something.”

She stared at him for a long moment, “You are such a…. Sap.”

He smiled, “Maybe a little. I mean it's not much, anyway, but it made me feel good.”

She paused, tilted her head, and then hugged him. He seemed a little surprised one eye peering up at her from a four- arm embrace. He didn’t say anything until she let him go and he stepped back to look at her, “What was that for?”

“You…. well. You… deserve it. And I don’t think you get reminded enough.” 

She thought she saw a little bit of red creeping up his neck and he looked down at his feet, waving it off, “Nah, if you knew what went on inside my head, you wouldn’t say that.”

She decided not to argue with him, humans were horrible with accepting compliments sometimes. Instead she found herself sharing music with him as they lay on one of the beanbags waiting for the others to arrive.

He had his eyes closed appearing as if he was sleeping through she knew he probably wasn't . At some point he adjusted himself so that his head was resting on one of her arms, using her like a pillow. A few more people started to trickle in, including the marines, one of which, Ramirez, was wearing bright red footie pajamas and walked over to claim a bean bag just to the wide.

Adam opened an eye and looked over at him, “What the hell are you wearing.” 

“My footie pajamas.”

“Yeah I got that…..”

“Don’t diss the footies..” 

“ Yeah sure, anyway what would have happened if I stepped on the trip-wire?” Sunny lifted her head at the mention of a trip wire.

Ramirez grinned, “it would have been pretty glorious, that’s what, but guess you will never know.”

“Rude.”

A few of the other marines wandered in blearily, CJ, Davis, and maverick who took a seat cross-legged on the floor her short blond hair sticking up in all directions like the open wings of a bird.

Finally The commander determined it was time and began handing out the presents, first to the more introverted people, who he figured could take their present and head off if they really wanted. A few of the non-Christmas-people showed up just to hang out causing a sort of slow trickle in and out of the room almost constantly. 

Krill and Conn were both presented with gifts, Krill who just happened to get a little cube that was advertised as holding about a million different puzzles of all different types and at varying levels He seemed pleased, though he insisted on his patrol through the room to make sure the humans weren’t doing anything stupid.

Conn was presented with some sort of hand-held gaming system, actually relatively cheap compared to what they used to be. 

He loved it.

ANd based on Commander Vir’s smug expression, he had done it on purpose, probably to keep the starborn out of his head.

Sunny was standing at the back of the room watching the humans rather fondly, as well as the other Drev, who seemed to be enjoying themselves as much as the humans. Her brother and Maverick were causing trouble across the room and nearly giving krill a conniption. Watching all of this, she still noticed Adam approaching from the side holding one last box.

He held it up, “One more present left.”

She turned to face him, “For you.”

He held it out, “Well you, obviously….. I sort of waited till last because…. Well you technically got more than everyone else. My Mom sent a few things up, and I just added her gift to mine.”

Sunny took the box and looked up in surprise, “Your mom…. But she…. She hates me.”

A small smile, “I think she's come around. It’s just taken her a while. I think this is supposed to be an apology. It's pretty cute, I think you should wear it.” 

Out of curiosity, she opened the box and looked inside to find a piece of fabric neatly folded on top. With her upper hands she reached to unfold it, whatever it was it was made out of very warm material, “What is it?”

“I guess it's called a cowl. She thought it would be something she could make that wouldn't get in the way of you wearing armor, and, since you guys sometimes wear capes, it would also go with that. Here try it on.” He took it from her hands standing on his tip-toes to pull it over her head and shoulders. Turned out it was pretty much just a hood, unattached to anything and that really only covered the head and shoulders.

She peered out form inside, to see him grinning. 

It was a funny picture, though she could see out, really the only think everyone else saw was the end of her snout/beak peeping out from under the hood. She lifted her head, and the hood fell a little further over her eyes.

He laughed, and helped her pull it back a bit, “She thought since you guys are more… warm weather creatures, that you could probably use one of these on our expeditions.”

“You should tell her thanks, from me.” 

“I will.”

She looked back down inside the box and was surprised to find it was full of different kinds of flowers. She looked back up at him in surprise, “How did you get these out here.”

“Wasn’t easy, tell you that.”

She leaned down snapping one of them up rewarded with a very light fragrant flavor. It was pretty nice, but then she looked back at Adam to see him smiling nearly dropping the box when she realized, “You! Where is your present. Didn’t you get anything?”

He just broke into a smile, “Sunny, I’m friends with like seven different kinds of aliens, I Command an entire FLEET of spaceships, and have like 300+ friends. I got my childhood dream, so what else do I need?”

She paused sure he was right, but also feeling bad.

They stood there together, looking out at the room when Ramirez glided past still in his footie pajamas. As he did his eyes widened a bit and he paused a slow grin spreading over his face. Adam gave him a very confused expression, but Ramirez just shook his head and pointed up before gliding away.

In confusion both Sunny and Adam looked up. 

Sunny tilted her head.

“What is that?”

She turned her head down to look at Adam and found the man’s skin changing color again. “Er….. it’s…. That appears to be…. mistletoe .” 

She lifted her head again to stare at the strange plant, “Oh….. like in that Christmas movie….”

“Yeah…. Like in that…. Christmas movie.” 

“Oh.”

They both looked down at about the same time. The way the Christmas lights interacted with the UV patterns on his skin, turned the usually blue, turquoise pattern on his skin almost electric lightning blue. The green in his eyes was more potent with the way the light refracted in them. Little twinkling lights danced over the polished surface of her bright-blue carapace.

He didn’t look away.

Neither did she.

And then a small brown shape came screaming from nowhere cutting between them. They both stepped back in shock, and Krill roared past grabbing the plant from where it hung, “Reeeeeeeeeeeeeee! NO, NO, NO, NO STUPID IDIOTIC HUMANS HANGING POISONOUS THINGS WHERE ANY OTHER STUPID HUMAN MIGHT EAT THEM! I WILL NOT HAVE IT YOU HEAR ME. I WILL NOT”  and then he went roaring away trailing laughter in his wake. Slowly Sunny and Adam turned to look at each other before doubling over racked with fits of laughter. Adam ended up on the floor leaning against the wall, just below where Sunny propped herself.

Just when they thought they'd stop laughing, they started up again.

“Damn…. Crazy…. Bastard.” Adam  Wheezed crawling to his feet

“Did you hear that sound he made?”

“Yeah, classic Krill….. Anyway.” He paused shuffling his feet, “Wanna go, push Ramirez over or something?”

“Sounds fun, I’m in.”

“Sweet.”

By the end of the hour, Ramirez was upside down in a pile of bean bags everyone laughing at his expense.

All in all, it was a pretty good Christmas

[nineteenninety-six]

Arguments of Concern - Part Three

The love I got on ‘escapism’ was so great, thank you so much <3

I also don’t remember much of the beach scene so ignore inaccuracies pls lol

WORD COUNT: 2105

[PART ONE] [PART TWO]

Adam was fast asleep on (Y/N)’s lap as Tommy drove them towards Margate. He was excited when he was told that he was going on a trip to the beach and spent the first couple of hours excitedly chatting and asking his parents a hundred questions before he became bored and tired, allowing his parents to spend the remaining hour of the journey to talk without the chance of having little ears overhearing anything that was said.

Whilst their relationship had slightly improved compared to before, (Y/N) was still bitter at Tommy for getting involved with Mosley and subsequently dragging them into the mess too. Adam was her number one priority and despite how much she hated the idea of it, she would take him and leave Tommy if she needed to. Tommy was the love of her life and has provided her with everything she could ever need but slowly the bad was overtaking the good and she didn’t think she could just watch from the sidelines anymore.

Tommy’s hand on her thigh brought her out of her thoughts,

“You okay?”

“Hmm, just thinking about this mysterious friend of yours” (Y/N) teased, pulling his hand off her thigh before lacing their fingers together.

Tommy brought their conjoined hands up and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand, “Don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“The surprise...” (Y/N) scoffed, “Don’t tell me it’s one of your old flings or girlfriends?”

Tommy snorted a laugh, “If I did that, I wouldn’t have to worry about Mosley killing me since I know you’d kill me before he’d even get a chance.”

(Y/N) made a vague noise of distress before she pulled her hand free of his and whacked him on the arm,

“Don’t joke about dying” She scolded him.

“ ‘m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not.” Tommy threw her a smirk and wink causing her to giggle.

If (Y/N) tried her hardest briefly forget about the actual reason why they were going to Margate, she could pretend that they were just taking a small holiday as a family.

“When all this is over, we’ll go away somewhere. You, me and Adam. Just the three of us eh?” Tommy spoke up after a few moments, glancing at her.

“Hmm, we can go to Wales or Ireland.”

Tommy smiled at her, “We could stay in a caravan. Adam would enjoy it.”

(Y/N) bit her lip before she spoke again, slightly hesitating, “When this is done...you’ll take a step back right? From the more dangerous stuff?”

Tommy sighed “(Y/N)...”

(Y/N) also sighed, “I’m not being unreasonable Tommy, I’m not telling to completely stop with the illegal side of the business. All I’m asking is to not get involved in dangerous situations with dangerous people like you have nothing to lose, because you do Tommy. You have us.”

“We’ll talk more about it when everything is over.”

(Y/N) simply nodded, not wanting to fight and wake Adam.

They had arrived at Margate now, driving right by the coast, no doubt close to their final destination.

“It’s gorgeous.” (Y/N) gasped as she peered out of the window, gazing at the beach and at the people making the most of the end of the summer heat before autumn fully settled in. The scent of the salty air and the sound of the seagulls made (Y/N) smile, she found the place somewhat calming.

Five minutes later and they were pulling into the drive of a mansion and even though the hedges were preventing her view, (Y/N) knew they were still close to the seafront as she could still hear the crashing of the waves and the faint sound of people.

Tommy got out of the car first and made his way over to her side of the car and opened the door for her. (Y/N) missed the figure step out of the mansion and make his way down the stairs that were in front of the mansion as she tried to step out of the car with Adam in her arms.

“Here lemme take him.” Tommy took Adam in his arms, the young boy still fast asleep. As grew older, he also grew heavier meaning that (Y/N) couldn’t hold him for long periods of time, making her miss the days where he was tiny and never wanted to leave her arms.

“Mrs Shelby! It’s wonda-ful to see ya lovely face again, shame you brought ya husband along with you though.”

(Y/N) whipped around to where the voice came from, instantly recognising it. She couldn’t believe her eyes and when she looked back at Tommy to make sure that she wasn’t hallucinating, she received a nod that told her that he was real.

“Alfie? Jesus Christ…” (Y/N) murmured as she made her way over to him.

Her eyes caught on the large scar on his face, “What happened to you? Tommy only told me you had died.”

“Oh, this thing ‘ere?” Alfie pointed at his scar, “Yea well, you can blame your husband for tha’”

“You asked me to kill you, Alfie.” Tommy sounded like he’d had this conversation many times before.

“You what?!”

“In my defence luv, I did think I was going to die anyway.”

“I...uh..” (Y/N) was speechless.

“I’ll explain  when we get inside.” Tommy told her as he moved to stand next to her.

Alfie’s eyes catch on Adam who was clinging on to his father in his sleep, “If it isn’t little Tommy Jr, he’s grown a lot hasn’t he?”

Alfie had only met Adam once when he had visited Tommy at the house, (Y/N) had just come home from a walk with a then two-year old Adam when Adam had run into Tommy office to say hello to his father. Alfie had immediately taken note of how similar the father and son looked and the started to call Adam, ‘Tommy Jr’. (Y/N) was pretty sure that he had only done it to annoy Tommy, which it did- not that Alfie would ever find out.

“I think we need to talk, don’t we? Let’s head inside yeah” Alfie led them into their house and sent his maid off the make them some tea.

Tommy placed Adam on the couch so that he was laying down before taking a seat next to him and (Y/N) sat on Tommy’s other side so that he was in the middle.

“Right, so what happened?” (Y/N) asked as she shrugged off her coat.

Alfie a slightly guilty expression on his face but Tommy began talking before she could question him.

“Remember the boxing match a few years ago?” Tommy asked his wife

(Y/N) sat up slightly, “When you were dealing with the Italians? Yeah, why?”

“Alfie had betrayed us-- me and sent Changretta’s men undercover as his to kill me, except they attacked Arthur instead.”

(Y/N) stared at Alfie, gobsmacked, “I..why would you do that? Actually, why am I surprised, you’ve betrayed us before!”

Alfie just winced and kept silent.

“And so when I went to confront him, he tells me that he’s suffering from skin cancer but he wanted to go out his own way--”

“He wanted you to kill him?” (Y/N) caught on.

“I didn’t wan’ to die because of fuckin’ cancer. The doctor said that I most likely got it from the trenches in the war and that’s not how I wanted to die. He also said that it would be painful and long an’ that’s no way for a gangster to go out is it?” There was both pain and anger in Alfie’s voice.

“So you betrayed Tommy because you knew that he would kill you?”

Alfie nodded, “(Y/N)...I wanted it to be quick and painless. I didn’t want to die from cancer.”

“Oh, Alfie.” (Y/N)’s heart hurt for him.

“I didn’t want to shoot him at first but then he shot at me so I shot at him back.”

“You got shot?! You told me you were dealing with Arthur after he had one of his episodes.”

“If I told you I got shot, you would have killed me.” Tommy smiled at his wife.

“You’re absolutely right.”

Whines and grunts came from Adam as he slowly woke up, his body shuffling against Alfie’s couch. (Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh as he sat up, his face was puffy and his hair was a mess, there was also a frown marring his face, clearly not appreciating the fact that he had been woken up.

“Mama?” He croaked as he crawled over Tommy and into her arms.

“Hello poppet, did you have a nice nap?” (Y/N) ran her fingers through his hair, trying to tame it.

“Uh-huh, I had a dream that there was a big lion but dada saved us before it could eat us!”

“Dada saved us? How lucky are we huh” (Y/N) pressed a kiss to his forehead

“Here, drink this Adam” Tommy passed Adam a glass of water that he easily gulped down.

Feeling refreshed and no longer tired, Adam twisted on (Y/N)’s lap but froze at the sight of Alfie sat opposite them.

“Hello there, I’m Alfie Solomons.” Alfie lent forward and held his hand out.

Adam silently stared before leaning forward and shaking his hand “I’m Adam Shelby.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr Shelby.”

Adam paused before he spoke again, “What happened to your face?”

“Adam!” (Y/N) hissed but she didn’t know why she was surprised, he was a kid and kids were curious.

“Nahh it’s orright, he’s fine. I had an accident and hurt myself”

“Did it hurt?”

“For a bit, yeah, but I’m fine now”

“Okay!” That seemed to satisfy Adam who no longer seemed interested anymore.

Tommy shifted as he pulled his watch out of his pocket and sighed when he checked the time, “I have to go.”

“We’ve just got here.” (Y/N) whispered, upset.

“Do you like ships Adam?” (Y/N) smiled at Alfie, knowing that his plan was to distract Adam so that she could talk to Tommy.

“I don’t think he’s ever seen one.” (Y/N) laughed.

“If we’re lucky we can see one from the balcony, wanna see if can see any?”

Adam looked up to his parents for permission, excited at the prospect at seeing ships. (Y/N) and Tommy nodded and he eagerly jumped up off of (Y/N)’s lap and allowed Alfie to take him to the balcony.

“Can you not stay any longer?” (Y/N) asked her husband.

“I wish I could. You have no idea how much I want to stay with you and Adam and hide from everything back home.” Tommy pressed his head against hers and wiped away the tears that slowly began to fall down her cheeks.

“You must come back to me. You must come back to us because I don’t know how I survive if you’re dead.” (Y/N) sobbed.

“I will come back to you but if something does happen then you must promise to do what we planned yeah? You take Adam and you go.”

“Thomas!”

“Promise me (Y/N)” Tommy made sure she was looking at him in the eye as he made her promise.

“I promise. I promise you, Tommy. If something happens, I’ll take Adam and go.”

“Good.” Tommy pressed a kiss to (Y/N)’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I love you so much, Tommy.” (Y/N) kissed him back and they continued kissing before Tommy pulled away and stepped back.

“Adam, come say bye to dada!” (Y/N) called out so that Adam could hear her from the balcony.

“Bye? Why?” Adam wondered in with Alfie’s binoculars in his hands.

Tommy knelt down in front of him, “Dada has to go back home for a bit but I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Adam frowned but nevertheless nodded, “Can we see the ships together when you come back?”

“Of course. We’ll go to the beach as well okay?”

Adam grinned excitedly and hugged Tommy, “Okay. See you soon! Love you!”

Tommy tightly wrapped his arms around Adam and kissed the side of his head. “Love you too”

Alfie took Adam back outside while (Y/N) followed Tommy to the car to say one more goodbye.

“Come back to me okay?”

“I will. I love you.” Tommy gave her one last kiss before getting into the car.

“I love you too.” (Y/N) said before Tommy drove away.

[lancearcherinrippedjeans]

It Started with The Janela Zone

ICBeing The Elite Part 1

Pairings - Adam Page x OFC, Chuck Taylor x OC, Marq Quen x OFC

Catergory - VERY FLUFFY, LOTS OF COMEDY, with the TINIEST TINIEST bits of angst

Warnings/Promises - Lot’s of cussing lmao. Talk of FAKE, I’ll say it again, FAKE death. And talk of anxiety.

Word Count - 4,503

Summary/Desc - Gabby goes live the Joey Janela every week. But when Parker and Bri are with there this time, Joey makes a decision  to invite them to a show. And once they show up, they get two things they didn’t expect, being special guests on BTE, and finding potential love.

There beginning and end with be like “real life” and the middle with be like BTE (Intro and Outro is included)

 (JUST A THING, PARKER, AKA ME, I PUT BOTH BY PRONOUNS IN THIS she/they, SOOOO, JUST A THING)

N e ways,,,,creds to @westanaew​ , it’s not just her first collab its also MINE. We did this together <3

Also, Gabby is gonna be the main character in part one :) 

(happy birthday Hangman)

“I don’t know what you want from me Joey.” She laughed. Gabby and Joey were live for Janela Zone, like they did every weekend. “What do you mean Gabby,” Joey chuckled, “I told you to chug the White Claw or listen to Barbie girl for 1. Hour.” Joey said. This was the normal for them, just two people going live for the entertainment of their fans. Joey Janela was, well Joey Janela. But Gabby was a fan that wanted to go live with her idol, which quickly turned into a friend when the people started liking on their lives.

One day Gabby was with her friends, Parker and Bri, that she met from being wrestling fans. They were together at a hotel, something they didn’t do often since they lived in different states.

“Bitch I know you’re not about to go live with us here!” Parker yelled. It was time for Gabby and Joey’s weekly stream, and she was doing it either way. “I mean I can go get food, I’m kind of hungry anyways.” Bri offered.

“Humans just be normal. It’s only for a few hours.” Gabby tried to explain, but Parker wasn’t having it. “I know you did not just saying a few fucking hours-“ Parker seemed fed up, but Gabby knew she would get over it.

“Guys let’s see if Gabby is in here.” Joey said. Gabby was ready while Parker and Bri sat in the back awkwardly. When Joey added her, he noticed Bri laying on one of the 2 beds in the background. “Who’s that in the background?” Joey questioned. “Oh them? Those are just my friends, Parker and Bri.” Gabby said then looking back at a surprised Parker. “Hi Joey, big fan” Parker stated. Eventually Parker and Bri joined in and the whole group had a lot of fun on live that night, so much fun that Joey would offer them something. “I swear, I got to fly y’all out for All Out next Saturday.” They didn’t think he was serious till Gabby got a dm after they got off of the live with Joey asking if they could actually come. Of course, they accepted and off to All Out they were in 2 weeks.

The Day of All Out

“Look how big it is!” Gabby said, pointing at the titantron, amazed. “That’s what she said.” Parker smirked. “Bitch be wholesome for 5 seconds, geez!” Gabby exclaimed. “I knew y’all would do this.” Bri laughed with her head down.

“Hey! Gabby over here!” Joey said waving towards them. Parker and Gabby waved back. “Omg y’all that’s like actually Joey Janela!” Gabby was excited, but really emotional about it. Before all the lives, Gabby was a huge fan of Joey, and his wrestling helped her through a lot of stuff. She dreamed about meeting him even though they were friends, today was the day her dream would come true. The group made their way towards Joey, Parker and Bri excited while Gabby was in shock it was really happening.

“Hey guys!” Joey said when we made our way over to him. “What’s up Joey, thank you for everything, we really appreciate it.” Gabby said, fighting back tears. She didn’t wanna get all emotional right now so she held it in. ”Sup Joey, nice meeting you” Parker said, trying not to burst out of excitement.

”Hi Joey, great meeting you.” Unlike the other two, Bri hugged Joey, then behind his back winking. Gabby caught this, “Not today Brianna.” Gabby whispered but loud enough Bri got the message.

Bri rolled her eyes at Gabby while letting go of Joey, Parker holding back laughter so Joey wouldn’t know what was happening. “Joey let's get a picture, this’ll be my biggest flex.” Gabby said, pulling out her phone and opening Instagram. All four of them took a group photo then all getting individual photos with Joey. “You guys wanna head to catering? I’m sure you’ll run into someone there.” Joey offered. “Sure why not!” Parker agreed, trying not to sound too nervous. They all headed backstage to the catering area.

“Ok guys, the food is over there against the wall and that’s about it. I’m 100% sure you’ll run into someone over here. I’m gonna head out to find Sonny, so have fun.” Joey said, he really invited them then left.

That’s when the group heard a very familiar voice. “What’s up guys,” He motioned towards one of them, “are you Gabby?” said Nick Jackson, coming over to sit with them. “Yes I am, are you Nick Jackson?” Gabby said in a sarcastic but funny way. Bri sat and smiled while Parker sat there like an idiot, mouth agape, starstruck by the man sitting across from them.

“I like your attitude,” Nick laughed at Gabby’s sarcasm, “and from what I’ve heard you guys are funny, so I’m inviting you on BTE. We needed some extra people this week and you guys seem to fit the spot.” Nick offered.

“Deadass?!” Parker questioned. “I'M DEADASS!” Nick shouted, then breaking a smile. “I’m down.” Bri said. “Yea me too, it’ll be fun.” Gabby said, checking her phone for a notification.

“Okay sounds great! Gabby I think we’ll have you working with Adam, Joey said you guys were pretty similar,” He pointed towards her, and she looked up from her phone surprised from what she was hearing. “Parker, from what I’ve heard? The Best Friends bit sounds perfect for you, and Bri, I think you’ll go best with Private Party.”

“Alright.” “Amazing.” “Sounds good to me.”

“Okay,” He clapped his hands together, “You’ll have a bit of time to pre plan before we start shooting in,” he checked his phone, “About an hour, so, see y’all in a little bit.”

Once Nick walked away Parker and Bri turned towards their friend, “Gabby and Adam sitting in a tree.” Bri sang, wanting to get on her nerves, “Not now, Brianna.” “She is c-h-o-k-i-n-g.” Parker finished, “Parker Lorin Jones!!!!” The three joked before breaking off, finding the groups for their bits on Being The Elite.

Gabby walked around Daily’s Place, until she found Adam, sitting, clearly waiting for something. She took a deep breath before approaching him, “Hi Adam, I’m-” “Gabby, working with me for Being The Elite?” Adam cut in, and she felt her cheeks get hot, “Uh, yeah.”

The blonde nodded, “I’ve watched you on Janela Zone before, you seem pretty chill. Shall we talk about the bit before we start?” He held out his arm for her to hook it. She was nervous at first but she inhaled, then exhaled, and hooked her arm through his, “We shall.”

The Elite

The The Elite

The Elite

The The Elite

The Elite

The The Elite

Superkick PAAARRRR-

“I’m going to use the bathroom, don’t die while I’m gone.” Gabby said while getting up from her seat. “Bitch you know you dying first outta us.” Parker said, gazing over to the side avoiding to make eye connection with Gabby. “Go choke Parker.'' Gabby said, walking away to find the nearest bathroom, that’s when while walking down the hallway she spotted a lonely cowboy sitting at the bar by himself.

It was Adam Page, then she saw an angry Kenny Omega walking out of the bar. “Fuuck.” She saw the cowboy whisper, then taking a drink of his Jack Daniels. Gabby saw a look in his face that she didn’t really see on tv, a more sad than angry look in his eyes. So she took it upon herself to go sit with him at the bar.

“Excuse me can I uh, get 1 whiskey?” Gabby asked the bartender. “You must be Joey’s friend everyone’s been talking about.” Adam said, taking another sip of his drink. “Yup that’s me.” Gabby said, taking a sip of her whiskey. She followed that up with, “You didn’t look like you were doing well and-“ Adam cut Gabby off, “Gabby I don’t know you and you don’t know me so what’s up? If you want a one night ssand you can jusssay that.” Adam said, slurring his words and still drinking. “No it’s not that, I just saw the pain in your face. What happened with Kenny?” She asked, she let the one night stand comment slide since he was obviously drunk. ”Kenny’ssjust being complicated, he doesn’twant me drinking with Cash and Dax. And I know they have their problemssbut that has nothing to do with me.” Adam said, finishing off his drink.

“I feel you, but sometimes you just gotta let people be mad. And put yourself first.” Gabby said, then also finishing off her drink. “Nice talk, wesshould talk more. I like you.” A drunk Adam Page mumbled out, still slurring his words. “Yea I’m down.” Gabby got up, tipped her cup towards Adam and made her way out the bar. Adam tipped his glass right back at her before looking back towards the bartender.

LaTeR iN tHe EpIsOdE

Parker was walking backstage, minding her own business and looking at her phone. “I wonder where Gabby WEN-” Parker was grabbed by her arm and dragged into a room.

Parker held up their fist, when they put them down, “God, what do you guys want?” “Look, you gotta help us,” They looked up at Chuck Taylor, “We’re trying to kill Brandon.” “Excuse me, WHAT?”

Trent put his hands on their shoulders, “He’s been annoying us about a bit for weeks, so we’ve been planning to, y’know, take him out.” Parker sighed, “I don’t know, Orange what do you think?” They all looked towards Orange Cassidy who shrugged and gave them a lazy thumbs up. She looked back towards Chuck and Trent, “God, he’s persuasive.” She looked like she was weighing her options, before she blurted out, “Fine! But I swear to God,” They held up a finger to their faces, “If you even THINK about blaming all this on me, I will kill you guys next.” The pair just nodded their heads and looked towards the door.

Brandon walked in, looking peeved, “Do you guys have a bit?” Trent talked to Brandon while Chuck motioned Parker towards the bat in the corner. She picked it up, making that face you knew said, “Really bitch?” He made the motion of him just swinging the bat. Parker walked behind Brandon, Trent and Chuck made faces and mouthed at her to just do it.

The camera went black and the sound of the bat hitting a surface was heard.

The screen showed all them standing over the man, when they all started screaming, except Orange, who kept his cool. “What do we do what do we do?!?!” Parker yelled, freaking out. Trent looked around, “Uh, put him in the closet!”

Parker shook her head, “No, no being in the closet isn’t fun at all.” Everyone in the room, including the now dead Brandon put on a straight face and looked directly at the camera, “Get it?”

They all went back to their worried, chill and dead faces. Trent, Chuck and Parker all looked around the room when all their eyes fell on a suitcase. They all knew what they had to do, when the screen changed to a different place in a building, showing a different bit.

tImE sKiP

The same group of the Best Friends and Parker walked towards the EVPs office. “You tell them that you killed Brandon.” Chuck said, pointing at Parker. She looked at him, offended, “Listen here you Kentucky born idiot! It was YOUR idea!” “Okay but who hit him with the bat?” Trent added in. “Are you serious right now? I-” They all started arguing, so loud that Matt looked out the door, “Hey, can you guys keep it down?” Parker pushed the men back before pointing at them, “They killed him.”

“What the- killed who?” Trent stepped forward, “Oh please, Parker is the one who hit Brandon over the head. They’re the reason he’s dead.” Matt looked at them all confused, “Brandon is in here, he hit his head or something and we found him stuffed in a suitcase. Are you guys okay?” The three looked at each other before looking into the office, to see Brandon with ice on his head.

Parker shook her head, peeved looked on her face before walking away, “Man what the fu-”

This ain’t water

Private Party and Bri were walking backstage, laughing and joking around when they bumped into Nick Jackson. “Oh, Nick! This is our friend Bri.” Marq said in a happy tone. Bri held up her hand, “Hi, nice to meet you.” Nick looked awkward before shaking her hand. Isiah smacked his lips, “Man why you being rude? We’re just tryna introduce y’all.”

Nick put up his hand, “Look you seem nice and all, but I’m not interested.” “What are- why wouldn’t you hang with all this.” Marq said, motioning towards Brianna. “I don’t need to ‘hang’ with all that.” Isiah rolled his eyes and groaned, “Why you bein difficult?”

“I don’t need Bri. I’m fine.” Nick said, sounding annoyed. “Oh you don’t need Bri, that’s a funny joke. Come on.” “I already said no, I don’t need another girl in my life.” Marq laughed, “It’s not a big deal, just another friend you know?” “I’m not gonna say no again.”

Isiah laughed, “Yeah,” got close to the camera, “he actin like he don’t got other friends.” Bri laughed at Marq and Isiah overreacting when Nick was clearly getting angry, “You think I’m not being serious?” “Nah.” Bri said through her laughter.

“I’m DEADASS.” A loud noise played while the trio flew back, Isiah on the floor, Marq staying still and Bri trying to support herself on the wall.

Marq grabbed Brianna’s arm, “I guess people don’t like making friends nowadays.” They turned to walk away when they bumped into Matt Jackson, the trio shook their heads, scared of what's gonna happen next.

Their fears became a reality when Matt (does whatever he does ?????) and they all flew back again. Bri stomped her foot and turned away, “Man I can’t believe this!”

Join The Dark Order

The friends, talking about their day on BTE, sat at a table in catering, all with different expressions. “Gabby, I still don’t know how YOU ended up being Adam’s drinking buddy.” Bri questioned. Gabby shrugged, “Okay but at least Nick didn’t think that I was about to get set up with him.” The two went back and forth about it before they turned towards Parker, “What did you do today Parker?” Gab asked, curious why her friend was quiet for once.

Parker shuddered, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” “Why? Did-” The girl went silent when Alex Reynolds and John Silver approached, Kool-Aid and water in hand. “Ladies,” Alex motioned towards Bri and Gabby, “Non-Binary friend,” he motioned towards Parker, “how are you doing today?”  Parker and Gabby rolled their eyes and sighed while Bri spoke up, “What do you guys want?”

John clapped his hands once, “Let’s get things straight, we want you three in the Dark Order.”

“No.” “Nope.” “Absolutely not.”

“Just hear us out, hear us out.” “We’re not joining a cult.” Gabby spoke up. She looked towards Bri, who looked tempted to do so. “Bri!” “What? I mean, it’s grape Kool-Aid, right?” Parker slapped their hand against their forehead, “Bri I swear to God if you drink that mess I’m gonna smack the hoe outta you.”

The three started arguing when Alex and John calmed them down. “Look all you have to do,” Alex said, pouring Kool-Aid in the three cups of water, “is drink the Kool-Aid.”

The three friends looked disgusted, “What. The Fuck. Is this?” Gabby said, grabbing the cup and looking into it. Bri shot a glare at the two, “Are you trying to poison us?”

“No! We got Griff Garrison to drink it.” John spoke, trying to get the point across. “Who the hell is Griff Garrison?!” Parker questioned, confused.

Gabby put her hand up to calm down Parker, “Okay okay listen, there ain’t no way we’re joining your stupid cult.” “Cause one, there ain’t no sugar.” Bri said, adding on. “Too much water.” Parker said, attitude in their voice. “And you didn’t even mix it up.” Gabby said, sounding disappointed.

“Wait wait wait!” John and Alex yelled as Parker and Gabby got up and walked away. Bri looked behind her and sighed, grabbing her Kool-Aid anyway and walking with her friends. “Damnit Bri!” Parker said offscreen, throwing the cup back at Alex.

John slapped his hands against the table, “Goddamnit!” “This is why Brodie always throws paper at you!” The men walked off, arguing.

“Hey, did you like that video? Click the screen for more.”

“And where do you think you’re going?

Before you check out our official merchandise page found at prowrestlingtees . com/youngbucks.

And to support the entire cast you can visit prowrestlingtees . com/aew

And thanks so much for Being The Elite.

The Elite The The Elite

What Nick you’re not gonna sing it all with me this time?”

Gabby, Bri and Parker were hanging out in the hallway, laughing about their bits they filmed. It all stopped when Nick came up to them, congratulating them and telling them how great the bits turned out. He also told them that the people they had filmed with invited them out for drinks. They all agreed and got their stuff ready, waiting outside for the Uber the three of them ordered.

“Are you guys excited?” Parker asked, clearly nervous. Gabby nodded, shaking. “Oh you bet I’m excited.” Bri said, that certain tone in her voice. “Bri don’t scare Isiah and Marq off with your flirting.” Gabby said, a bit of a chuckle in her voice. “To be fair, Marq was flirting back earlier.”

Gabby and Parker started teasing Bri, who was already tired of it, when their Uber had pulled up, they pulled their masks over their face and climbed in the car, light conversation the whole way.

When everyone arrived they all broke off into groups, with the people they had filmed BTE with earlier today. “Let me get two Jack Daniels please.” Adam said, already a bit drunk from earlier. Gabby smiled at him, Adam with his hair pulled back and round glasses on was attractive to her. “So tell me about yourself, cowboy.” Gabby said, curious about his answer. “Have you not read my twitter bio? I’m an anxious millennial cowboy. That’s all anyone needs to know.” Adam said, swallowing down his drink faster than earlier.

“Anxious huh? I suffer from anxiety so I’m sure you have an understanding of it.” Gabby said, taking a sip of her drink, but not as big as Adam’s. The two started to talk about their anxiousness and anxiety, then speaking on their mental health issues. They were both drinking heavy and in about 40 minutes were drunk. They were like each other’s therapist in that moment.

That’s when out of nowhere Adam leaned in for a kiss. Gabby didn’t push away from it. Adam made his way to Gabby’s thighs, grabbing them then pulling her in closer. That’s when they both heard a voice, one that as soon as she heard it she knew who it was.

“Hey Gab-E, can I borrow a 20 so I don’t have to use my credit ca-.” Parker looked up from her phone and stopped when she saw the scene in front of her. “Oh my God Park-er what do you want?!” Parker stifled their laughter, “Well, I needed a 20, cause I didn’t want to use my credit card for a tip later, but it’s fine, I’ll uh, go to an ATM.” Gabby groaned and rolled her eyes dramatically, “Adam, this is my friend, Parker.” Adam just waved and Parker returned it, “I’ll uh, just go back to hanging out with Chuck and them.” “Yeah, you do that.” Gabby spat.

Parker turned and walked a few feet when she turned back around, “Oh, and make sure you use a condom.” “God Parker go!” Gabby yelled, and Parker walked away, laughing.

Gabby let out a sigh, “I can’t believe that bitch”. “It’s ok, now where were we again-” Adam said, licking his bottom lip, looking Gabby up and down. “I don’t know if I can continue after that, cowboy.” Gabby shook her head no, letting out a soft smile. “I love your smile, it’s cute.” Adam tilted her head up towards him, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “You know, I don’t know what it is Gabby, but something about you and me just click. And I know we’ve only known each other for less than a whole day but I really like you.” Adam looked down with a smile on his face, blushing at the fact that after one day he’d catch feeling.

“Me too Adam, fuck. It’s nice having someone that understands you and can drink with you. Plus you’re” she stopped herself in the middle of her words to let out a silent sigh. “You’re attractive, and nice, and I feel like this will be more than a one night thing”. Adam signaled his hands for Gabby to come closer, which she did. She sat on his lap, digging her face into his shoulder. “I’m gonna follow you on Instagram, you're more than Joey's friend now.” Adam whispered, hugging her tighter. Gabby laughed the comment off while still in Adam’s hold. She released her head from his shoulder, placing a kiss on his forehead.

“Well then cowboy, I’m already hooked to you so there’s no way out.” Gabby smiled. Adam smiled back at her, letting her go out of his hold.

Across the bar sat Parker and the Best Friends, laughing and acting stupid. “I’m serious! I didn’t actually expect you to retweet it James.” They were talking about one of Parker’s tweets, with them in Orange Cassidy cosplay and makeup. “We all thought it looked great, what do you mean?” Trent asked, genuinely curious. Parker took a swig of her drink before answering, it’s just, I try getting noticed by you guys a lot. I literally nicknamed myself ‘Chuck Taylor Thot’.”

Chuck, hearing that, spat out his drink with laughter, “What?!” She hid her face in her hands embarrassed, “It’s not funny.” “Sure, totally not, at all.” James said, stifling his laughter. “You guys wanna go play darts or something?” Trent asked. Parker shook their head, “You guys go ahead, I suck at that stuff.” James and Trent just shrugged and slid out the booth. Parker looked next to her, “You’re not going to play?” Chuck shook his head, “Last time I played darts with them I got one stuck in my foot.”

Parker laughed, imagining all them freaking out about it. “What’s so funny?” She put on a straight face, “Nothing, nothing.” He shrugged it off, “So I’m sure that you know a lot about me, so tell me about you.”

She rolled her eyes at that joke in the beginning before she thought for a second, “Well uh, I’m in my early twenties, I met Gabby and Bri a few years ago and uh, I don’t know what else is that important.” “That’s nice and all but I’ve been around you all day, c’mon, I know you aren’t lame.”

She sighed before really thinking what she could say about herself, “Umm, I’ve been a wrestling fan most of my life, I used to actually hate AEW, then it easily became one of the most important parts of my life and every time I see you wearing a Pacer’s shirt I freak out because you’re repping MY state.” Chuck looked towards Parker, “You’re from Indiana?” She nodded, “You were born in the wrong state.”

“No way, Kentucky for the win, plus Indiana Gentleman just sounds stupid.” “Kentucky Gentleman sounds like a douchebag.”

“Oh shut up!” The two just laughed. When they both stopped they just looked at each other, smiles on their faces. Out of nowhere he started looking closer at them. They started touching around their mouth, “What? Do I have something on my face?” He didn’t answer before he asked a question with an obvious answer, “You have freckles?”

Parker felt her face get hot when she just nodded, “Yeah, I realize they’re not as cute as other people’s but-” “I think they’re adorable.” Parker just sat there, mouth hanging open like an idiot. She shook her head when she realized she was just sitting there, “Um, uh...thank you.”

He just smiled before saying, “You’re really cool Parker. I think I might want to get to know you better.” She couldn’t even say anything and just sat there, smiling. He realized she was too awkward to say anything, so he just wrapped his arm around her shoulder, turning them towards Trent and James, arguing over who’s turn it was. She laid her head on his shoulder, watching the funny scene across from them.

A few tables over were Bri and Private Party, which despite all their energy, was pretty chill. “Okay Bri I see you with them nails.” Marq said, complimenting Bri’s nails which were blue and pink, just like Private Party’s merch. Bri smiled, modelling her hand. Isiah looked over towards the entrance when a girl walked in, he looked towards Bri and Marq, who were nodding for him to go. He jumped up out of the booth and over to the girl who walked in.

Bri and Marq turned towards each other, smiling. “I got a question.” Bri said, nervousness in her voice. He nodded his head, “Do you think I’m too, y’know, flirty?” Marq put his drink down and looked towards Brianna, like she just said something stupid. “Of course not, why you think I’ve been flirting back all day?” Bri smiled at his answer, when they started to move closer to each other, so close that their lips were almost touching, when Bri suddenly stopped and turned away, throwing up all over the floor.

“Oh shit!” Parker yelled, grabbing her jacket and sliding out the booth. She yelled for Gabby and motioned for her. They both ran towards Bri, Gabby grabbed Brianna’s purse and jacket while Parker kept her hair out her face. Parker turned towards Marq, “Sorry, this happens whenever we meet up.” Marq just nodded, “Alright, I’ll text you Bri, feel better.”

Parker turned towards Gabby, “Did you order the-” “It’ll be here in 2 minutes.” They walked towards the exit, they were halfway out the door when Chuck yelled, “Wait Parker I never I got your-” The door shut, “Number.”

Their ride was there quickly, and they climbed in the backseat, starting their ride to their hotel. “Bri I told you to stop drinking so much when you’re in a random place!” Gabby yelled. Bri just shrugged. Parker wanted to lecture Bri as well when she got a notification. The girls looked over at her, “Is it from Chuck?” Gabby asked.

“No...it’s from Nick. He wants us back next week.”

Come back for part 2! Coming out soon!

[cloudninetonine]

Past Trauma

Pairing: Adam Ruzek x Reader

Summary: Something bad happens at work and you finally spill about your past trauma to your boyfriend

A/N: This fic is kinda self projecting, so it’s gonna be kind of specific. Don’t worry, I’m fine, I just needed a way to vent and well, this was my way. Also, I’ve only really watched clips and seen odd episodes of Chicago P.D so sorry if Adam seems a pic OOC. He’s my fav and I really wanted to write something for him for so long and I just got impatient XD

I DO NOT OWN CHICAGO P.D OR MED THIS IS MERELY FANFICTION

Warnings: Abuse, graphic writing (Kinda?), thoughts of suicide, I think PTSD? (I would say PTSD just in case) Self-hatred (It’s a pretty dark fic, but it takes a more wholesome turn at the end)

(This gif seemed appropriate)

You and Adam had started dating a little over three years ago.

You had travelled from beyond the great blue to America for a new experience after medical school then ended up working in Chicago Med because you had “fallen in love with the windy city”

You had caught Adam’s attention straight away and after about three months of trying to get your attention, you finally agreed to go on a date with him. You were new to the whole scene, dating, flirting- everything, as you had been busy trying to get your life together before even thinking about bringing someone else into it and well, he was happy to help you into it. You were a great character, friendly, smart, considerate of those around you, playful and Adam had thought himself a lucky guy when he had finally bagged you.

Though he knew you were hiding things from him, no, not that you were cheating or had fallen out of love, much deeper things. You didn’t like to talk about your family life, you had mentioned your mother (A wonderful woman who he had met when she visited for Christmas) your closest friends, a chaotic but loving bunch, others here and there, but you didn’t go farther than that. You deliberately skipped moments in your life, you had bad days where you didn’t contact anyone and when he tried to get closer, you dodged him about the subject.

He understood everyone had their demons, but yours almost seemed to consume you and he always worried, it was a surprise your secrecy hadn’t caused any damage to the relationship but you had a way with your words and he loved you so much (something he admitted after a year of dating, the morning of your anniversary when he had stumbled in on you eating Oreos at 3 in the morning before he had slipped and told you that he loved you which resulted in you choking on a cookie)

He had hoped that one day, you would tell him about the thoughts in your head and well, the day had finally come.

There had been a brawl in the emergency bay at Chicago Med and he and Kevin had been sent over to investigate the disturbance. The scene hadn’t been too chaotic, but he would be lying if he said that there wasn’t a mess there. The suspect, a 19-year-old Lucia Carter, had been dragged out of the place in handcuffs, kicking and screeching loudly while blood dripped out of her nose accompanied with marks of an obvious scuffle on her face. Kevin had let out a low whistle at the damage as they walked by.

The detectives had approached the closest officer to ask about the details.

“Miss Carter is being apprehended for abuse, threats of murder and for assaulting a bystander” The young man had started “She came in when she found out her father had brought his son for a checkup after she had deliberately broken his arm, she started to get violent towards her parent and sibling, a doctor tried to interfere and it ended with them fighting. Security split them up eventually but it’s obvious that Miss Carter provoked the fight and that the doctor was protecting the victims so they won’t be charged”

“Alright, thank you”

Kevin had already begun talking with the father and the son, while Adam glanced around, hoping to catch a glimpse of your figure when only moments later, Sharon Goodwin had approached him, her face showing concern as she softly called for his attention. “Adam, please if you could come with me for a moment”

“Is there something wrong?” Adam asked, Kevin, glancing over at the sound of his partner’s voice.

“It’s about (Name)”

Adam’s eyes widened and he glanced back at Kevin, who promptly nodded in understanding before the detective and chief departed from the scene quietly to where you were being held.

“What happened?”

“Well, when Miss Carter began to get violent, (Name) decided to try and stop it but, from what I heard, Miss Carter slapped her and that’s what started the fight” Sharon started “It took two men to pry her off of Miss Carter and now, she’s not responding to anyone. Dr Charles is talking with her at the moment, well, trying, but he’s not getting very far, so we thought that it would be a good idea if you tried to talk with her”

The door to an employee lounge was pushed open to you and Dr Charles sitting opposite from one another. The older man was talking, his eyes only glancing towards Goodwin and Adam before settling back on you. You were deadly silent, staring ahead, straight through Dr Charles and your leg was bouncing with obvious tension. 

It made Adam nervous, especially when he could see some blood on the cuff of your coat.

“(Name)” Charles’ voice was soft as he settled a hand on your knee, “Adam’s here to see you”

You still didn’t react.

“(Name)?”

Your leg movement stopped for a moment, before continuing, much faster now.

“We’ll give you two a moment” Charles and Goodwin closed the door behind them quietly while Adam settled next to you silently, his hand coming to rest on your arm before slowly sliding down to grip your hand. You didn’t resist, but you didn’t really respond either, just limply held his hand in your own.

“Hey,” he greeted, enclosing your hand with both of his and placing a small kiss onto on fingers. “I heard what happened-”

Now that he was closer, he could see the damage. You had your glasses on, the left lens was cracked and under, your eye was bruised and bloody, your lip was busted and there was a small laceration on your face with blood slowly dripping onto your coat. You didn’t pay any mind to it, you didn’t really seem to care, but Adam’s heart squeezed painfully at the sight. You were in a better state than Lucia Carter, but that didn’t matter.

“Is that what she did to you?” His hand moved to grab your chin, hoping to inspect your injuries further but you immediately jumped up, catching his wrist firmly in your hand, nails digging into the skin while still holding his other hand loosely. Your eyes were frantic, your breathing had picked up and you were shaking violently as you glared at him.”Woah, woah, it’s okay, you’re okay, it’s just me, it’s just Adam”

He was shocked, understandably so, but his eyes held a softness to them, one that was slowly helping you bring you back to reality.

Pained guilt flashed on your face and your hold on his wrist relaxed until it became limp and fell to your side “....I’m sorry…”

With a soft squeeze to your intertwined fingers, Adam tugged you back next to him “It’s okay”

“It’s not-” You tried to argue, but he shushed to gently before pressing a kiss into your hair.

“Can I hold you?”

“...Please”

His arm wrapped around your waist and tugged your closer, hugging you close to his figure as the two of you rocked back and forth gently, the man pressing soft kisses to where he could reach as he waited. Did he know what he was waiting for? No, but he knew you needed time and it would come out eventually.

And it did.

“I didn’t want it to turn out like that”

Adam glanced down at you “The fight?”

You hummed. “I didn’t want to make it any crazier than it was, but then she slapped me and I...I lost it”

“Why?” He couldn’t help but ask “You’re one of the most patient people I know”

“...She reminded me of my brother”

Adam stopped rocking and pulled back to look at you, watching as the look in your eyes twisted into something more, something dark and your lip curled in disgust.

“Brother? You’ve never mentioned you had a brother…”

“That’s because he isn’t” You growled, “He’s just a fucker that I’m related to”

It was then that Adam realised that this was what you had been keeping from him for so long, this was what he had been waiting for. He could see the tension that was building up in your system, the obvious hatred in your words and he decided that his curiosity could wait another day “You don’t have to explain-”

“I’ve kept this from you for three years, Adam” You looked him in the eye “You deserve an explanation and I can handle it, don’t worry”

He pulled your hand to his lips and kissed it gently “Okay, take your time”

A few moments, quiet, tense moments, but eventually, you took a deep breath, closed your eyes and squeezed his hand.

“My brother was an abusive arsehole that used to torment me and my mum. It wasn’t always like that, I can still remember the good days, but he changed when we got older; he became more narcissistic, more demanding, rougher- like his father, might I add” You spat the words with venom, pupils shrinking in hatred “That fucker wasn’t around either, he hurt my mum before she kicked his arse out, but oh boy, did I get the experience of him from my brother; like father like son, am I right?”

You had said it in a joking way, but he could hear that rage behind it. You continued “My brother got worse when my gran died, he got more physical, wasn’t afraid to throw me or my mum around and I fucking hated it. I fought back for a while, we both did, but it only ended with aches for the next day and bruised self-esteem, so I gave up, but my mother didn’t, she was- is, way too strong for that, shame I can’t say the same about me”

Tears gathered in your eyes “Once again, it got more shitty when he got a job. Called me and my mum lazy bitches, constantly complained, blamed us for anything and everything, it was a fucking nightmare. Mum couldn’t work because of health problems, which he thought were bullshit, and me, I was way too scared to interact with people to get a job”

With a whimper, you brushed away the tear that fell down your cheek. “I was scared, he made me scared, I used to be so open and happy, but he ruined that. My mental health declined, I was constantly sad, I hated myself, I still hate myself and it’s because of him!”

You were starting to sob, it was quiet at first, but the more you talked, the louder it became “I hated him so much, I still hate him! But he made me hate myself more! It wasn’t fair! Why was I the worthless one? When he treated us like that? Why did I have to become sad and angry and scared!? It’s not fair, Adam! I deserved to be happy! But he didn’t let me! I was a wreck in what was supposed to be the best years of my life, because of him!”

You were choking on your tears and Adam had tried to console you, but you weren’t finished “S-So when that boy came in with his father, I knew, I could tell. He looked so sad, so broken and so did the father. The man was terrified when I confronted him! He tried to defend her, he said that their mother had died and she was acting out! I told him that was no excuse, that both of them deserved better! And you know what he did? He fucking cried! He said he was ashamed of himself, letting his daughter become this monster, his own daughter beat him and he was more ashamed at that than the fact that he was getting hurt, that he was scared, that he needed to protect his son from his fucking sister. He said he wasn’t a good father, but he was trying. My mum said the same thing, that I deserved better, but I didn’t! She was the best! And so was this guy! He was kind, supportive, loved his children but he got fucked over by a stupid bitch that couldn’t keep her hands to her fucking SELF!”

You stood, kicking over the table in front of you two and Adam jumped up. He wanted to do something, to calm you down, to tell you he loved you, but you needed to get this out, you need to say this, so he waited. 

“That boy is fucking ten! TEN-YEARS-OLD! AND HIS SISTER WAS DOING THAT TO HIM!? MOTHER FUCKING BITCH!” You kicked the table again and punched the wall “HE BLAMED HIMSELF, HE SAID THAT HE CAUSED IT, BUT IT WASN’T HIS FAULT, IT WAS HER FUCKING FAULT! And you know what else? HE SAID HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD! A TEN-YEAR-OLD, WANTED TO BE DEAD! SHE MADE HIM THINK THIS, SHE MADE HATE HIMSELF, MADE HIM WANNA KILL HIMSELF JUST LIKE- just like my brother had done to me”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, shaking violently as you stared at the floor “I wanted to kill myself, just like that little boy had, sometimes, I still do and-…. And so when she slapped me...I lost it, I wanted to kill her, right there and then, because at that moment, she wasn’t Lucia Carter, she was my older brother, so I didn’t hold back…”

You were crying hysterically, holding yourself tightly as you tried to calm yourself down, a keep the oncoming panic attack down. God, you didn’t dare face Adam, you didn’t want to see the expression he wore, you were already ashamed, of the outburst, of yourself, everything and one of the only good things going in your life had heard you go off like a demented bitch. You wanted so badly to melt into the floor, but you were merely reduced to hiding behind closed eyes and a mess of tears.

Then arms wrapped around you and your face was pressed against a shoulder.

“I love you” Adam declared, tightening his hold as you began to wail against his shoulder, wrapping your arms around him tightly as you did so “I love you, and I’m so sorry that you had to keep this to yourself for so long”

He pressed a kiss against your forehead, being wary of the wound.

“I’m sorry” You sobbed, “I’m sorry I kept this from you, I didn’t want you to see me differently, you’re one of the only good things going in my life, I didn’t want to lose you”

“I would never see you differently and you will never lose me” He whispered, “You’re strong, you’re smart, you’re so talented and you’re hot”

You laughed wetly against his shoulder “This just proves to me how amazing you are, and how lucky I am to have you. You’re so amazing and I am punching above my weight with you. I’m so glad to have you in my life and that’s never gonna change, babe, do you understand?”

You nodded against his shoulder, burying your face and inhaling his scent.

“So here’s what we’re gonna do” He raked his hand gently through your hair “We’re gonna get you checked out and patched up, talk to Dr Charles about these thoughts you’ve been having, head home, then order in some Chinese and just relax, okay?”

“Okay,” You pulled back a bit, eyes staring into his before leaning up and pressing a kiss against his lips. He kissed back softly, hand coming to hold the side of your jaw gently then pulling away and smiling at you “I love you so much”

“I love you too”

“Thank you for not thinking different of me”

He laughed and placed his forehead against yours “Never”

You smiled and intertwined your fingers.

You were lucky to have each other.

[path-of-my-childhood]

Taylor Swift: ‘I was literally about to break’

By: Laura Snapes for The Guardian Date: August 24th 2019

Taylor Swift’s Nashville apartment is an Etsy fever dream, a 365-days-a-year Christmas shop, pure teenage girl id. You enter through a vestibule clad in blue velvet and covered in gilt frames bursting with fake flowers. The ceiling is painted like the night sky. Above a koi pond in the living area, a narrow staircase spirals six feet up towards a giant, pillow-lagged birdcage that probably has the best view in the city. Later, Swift will tell me she needs metaphors “to understand anything that happens to me”, and the birdcage defies you not to interpret it as a pointed comment on the contradictions of stardom.

Swift, wearing pale jeans and dip-dyed shirt, her sandy hair tied in a blue scrunchie, leads the way up the staircase to show me the view. The decor hasn’t changed since she bought this place in 2009, when she was 19. “All of these high rises are new since then,” she says, gesturing at the squat glass structures and cranes. Meanwhile her oven is still covered in stickers, more teenage diary than adult appliance.

Now 29, she has spent much of the past three years living quietly in London with her boyfriend, actor Joe Alwyn, making the penthouse a kind of time capsule, a monument to youthful naivety given an unlimited budget – the years when she sang about Romeo and Juliet and wore ballgowns to awards shows; before she moved to New York and honed her slick, self-mythologising pop.

It is mid-August. This is Swift’s first UK interview in more than three years, and she seems nervous: neither presidential nor goofy (her usual defaults), but quick with a tongue-out “ugh” of regret or frustration as she picks at her glittery purple nails. We climb down from the birdcage to sit by the pond, and when the conversation turns to 2016, the year the wheels came off for her, Swift stiffens as if driving over a mile of speed bumps. After a series of bruising public spats (with Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj) in 2015, there was a high-profile standoff with Kanye West. The news that she was in a relationship with actor Tom Hiddleston, which leaked soon after, was widely dismissed as a diversionary tactic. Meanwhile, Swift went to court to prosecute a sexual assault claim, and faced a furious backlash when she failed to endorse a candidate in the 2016 presidential election, allowing the alt-right to adopt her as their “Aryan princess”.

Her critics assumed she cared only about the bottom line. The reality, Swift says, is that she was totally broken. “Every domino fell,” she says bitterly. “It became really terrifying for anyone to even know where I was. And I felt completely incapable of doing or saying anything publicly, at all. Even about my music. I always said I wouldn’t talk about what was happening personally, because that was a personal time.” She won’t get into specifics. “I just need some things that are mine,” she despairs. “Just some things.”

A year later, in 2017, Swift released her album Reputation, half high-camp heel turn, drawing on hip-hop and vaudeville (the brilliantly hammy Look What You Made Me Do), half stunned appreciation that her nascent relationship with Alwyn had weathered the storm (the soft, sensual pop of songs Delicate and Dress).

Her new album, Lover, her seventh, was released yesterday. It’s much lighter than Reputation: Swift likens writing it to feeling like “I could take a full deep breath again”. Much of it is about Alwyn: the Galway Girl-ish track London Boy lists their favourite city haunts and her newfound appreciation of watching rugby in the pub with his uni mates; on the ruminative Afterglow, she asks him to forgive her anxious tendency to assume the worst.

While she has always written about relationships, they were either teenage fantasy or a postmortem on a high-profile breakup, with exes such as Jake Gyllenhaal and Harry Styles. But she and Alwyn have seldom been pictured together, and their relationship is the only other thing she won’t talk about. “I’ve learned that if I do, people think it’s up for discussion, and our relationship isn’t up for discussion,” she says, laughing after I attempt a stealthy angle. “If you and I were having a glass of wine right now, we’d be talking about it – but it’s just that it goes out into the world. That’s where the boundary is, and that’s where my life has become manageable. I really want to keep it feeling manageable.”

Instead, she has swapped personal disclosure for activism. Last August, Swift broke her political silence to endorse Democratic Tennessee candidate Phil Bredesen in the November 2018 senate race. Vote.org reported an unprecedented spike in voting registration after Swift’s Instagram post, while Donald Trump responded that he liked her music “about 25% less now”.

Meanwhile, her recent single You Need To Calm Down admonished homophobes and namechecked US LGBTQ rights organisation Glaad (which then saw increased donations). Swift filled her video with cameos from queer stars such as Ellen DeGeneres and Queen singer Adam Lambert, and capped it with a call to sign her petition in support of the Equality Act, which if passed would prohibit gender- and sexuality-based discrimination in the US. A video of Polish LGBTQ fans miming the track in defiance of their government’s homophobic agenda went viral. But Swift was accused of “queerbaiting” and bandwagon-jumping. You can see how she might find it hard to work out what, exactly, people want from her.

***

It was girlhood that made Swift a multimillionaire. When country music’s gatekeepers swore that housewives were the only women interested in the genre, she proved them wrong. Her self-titled debut marked the longest stay on the Billboard 200 by any album released in the decade. A potentially cloying image – corkscrew curls, lyrics thick on “daddy” and down-home values – were undercut by the fact she was evidently, endearingly, a bit of a freak, an unusual combination of intensity and artlessness. Also, she was really, really good at what she did, and not just for a teenager: her entirely self-written third album, 2010’s Speak Now, is unmatched in its devastatingly withering dismissals of awful men.

As a teenager, Swift was obsessed with VH1’s Behind The Music, the series devoted to the rise and fall of great musicians. She would forensically rewatch episodes, trying to pinpoint the moment a career went wrong. I ask her to imagine she’s watching the episode about herself and do the same thing: where was her misstep? “Oh my God,” she says, drawing a deep breath and letting her lips vibrate as she exhales. “I mean, that’s so depressing!” She thinks back and tries to deflect. “What I remember is that [the show] was always like, ‘Then we started fighting in the tour bus and then the drummer quit and the guitarist was like, “You’re not paying me enough.”’’’

But that’s not what she used to say. In interviews into her early 20s, Swift often observed that an artist fails when they lose their self-awareness, as if repeating the fact would work like an insurance against succumbing to the same fate. But did she make that mistake herself? She squeezes her nose and blows to clear a ringing in her ears before answering. “I definitely think that sometimes you don’t realise how you’re being perceived,” she says. “Pop music can feel like it’s The Hunger Games, and like we’re gladiators. And you can really lose focus of the fact that that’s how it feels because that’s how a lot of stan [fan] Twitter and tabloids and blogs make it seem – the overanalysing of everything makes it feel really intense.”

She describes the way she burned bridges in 2016 as a kind of obliviousness. “I didn’t realise it was like a classic overthrow of someone in power – where you didn’t realise the whispers behind your back, you didn’t realise the chain reaction of events that was going to make everything fall apart at the exact, perfect time for it to fall apart.”

Here’s that chain reaction in full. With her 2014 album 1989 (the year she was born), Swift transcended country stardom, becoming as ubiquitous as Beyoncé. For the first time she vocally embraced feminism, something she had rejected in her teens; but, after a while, it seemed to amount to not much more than a lot of pictures of her hanging out with her “squad”, a bevy of supermodels, musicians and Lena Dunham. The squad very much did not include her former friend Katy Perry, whom Swift targeted in her song Bad Blood, as part of what seemed like a painfully overblown dispute about some backing dancers. Then, when Nicki Minaj tweeted that MTV’s 2015 Video Music awards had rewarded white women at the expense of women of colour, multiple-nominee Swift took it personally, responding: “Maybe one of the men took your slot.” For someone prone to talking about the haters, she quickly became her own worst enemy.

Her old adversary Kanye West resurfaced in February 2016. In 2009, West had invaded Swift’s stage at the MTV VMAs to protest against her victory over Beyoncé in the female video of the year category. It remains the peak of interest in Swift on Google Trends, and the conflict between them has become such a cornerstone of celebrity journalism that it’s hard to remember it lay dormant for nearly seven years – until West released his song Famous. “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex,” he rapped. “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The video depicted a Swift mannequin naked in bed with men including Trump.

Swift loudly condemned both; although she had discussed the track with West, she said she had never agreed to the “bitch” lyric or the video. West’s wife, Kim Kardashian, released a heavily edited clip that showed Swift at least agreeing to the “sex” line on the phone with West, if not the “bitch” part. Swift pleaded the technicality, but it made no difference: when Kardashian went on Twitter to describe her as a snake, the comparison stuck and the singer found herself very publicly “cancelled” – the incident taken as “proof” of Swift’s insincerity. So she went away.

Swift says she stopped trying to explain herself, even though she “definitely” could have. As she worked on Reputation, she was also writing “a think-piece a day that I knew I would never publish: the stuff I would say, and the different facets of the situation that nobody knew”. If she could exonerate herself, why didn’t she? She leans forward. “Here’s why,” she says conspiratorially. “Because when people are in a hate frenzy and they find something to mutually hate together, it bonds them. And anything you say is in an echo chamber of mockery.”

She compares that year to being hit by a tidal wave. “You can either stand there and let the wave crash into you, and you can try as hard as you can to fight something that’s more powerful and bigger than you,” she says. “Or you can dive under the water, hold your breath, wait for it to pass and while you’re down there, try to learn something. Why was I in that part of the ocean? There were clearly signs that said: Rip tide! Undertow! Don’t swim! There are no lifeguards!” She’s on a roll. “Why was I there? Why was I trusting people I trusted? Why was I letting people into my life the way I was letting them in? What was I doing that caused this?”

After the incident with Minaj, her critics started pointing out a narrative of “white victimhood” in Swift’s career. Speaking slowly and carefully, she says she came to understand “a lot about how my privilege allowed me to not have to learn about white privilege. I didn’t know about it as a kid, and that is privilege itself, you know? And that’s something that I’m still trying to educate myself on every day. How can I see where people are coming from, and understand the pain that comes with the history of our world?”

She also accepts some responsibility for her overexposure, and for some of the tabloid drama. If she didn’t wish a friend happy birthday on Instagram, there would be reports about severed friendships, even if they had celebrated together. “Because we didn’t post about it, it didn’t happen – and I realised I had done that,” she says. “I created an expectation that everything in my life that happened, people would see.”

But she also says she couldn’t win. “I’m kinda used to being gaslit by now,” she drawls wearily. “And I think it happens to women so often that, as we get older and see how the world works, we’re able to see through what is gaslighting. So I’m able to look at 1989 and go – KITTIES!” She breaks off as an assistant walks in with Swift’s three beloved cats, stars of her Instagram feed, back from the vet before they fly to England this week. Benjamin, Olivia and Meredith haughtily circle our feet (they are scared of the koi) as Swift resumes her train of thought, back to the release of 1989 and the subsequent fallout. “Oh my God, they were mad at me for smiling a lot and quote-unquote acting fake. And then they were mad at me that I was upset and bitter and kicking back.” The rules kept changing.

***

Swift’s new album comes with printed excerpts from her diaries. On 29 August 2016, she wrote in her girlish, bubble writing: “This summer is the apocalypse.” As the incident with West and Kardashian unfolded, she was preparing for her court case against radio DJ David Mueller, who was fired in 2013 after Swift reported him for putting his hand up her dress at a meet-and–greet event. He sued her for defamation; she countersued for sexual assault.

“Having dealt with a few of them, narcissists basically subscribe to a belief system that they should be able to do and say whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want to,” Swift says now, talking at full pelt. “And if we – as anyone else in the world, but specifically women – react to that, well, we’re not allowed to. We’re not allowed to have a reaction to their actions.”

In summer 2016 she was in legal depositions, practising her testimony. “You’re supposed to be really polite to everyone,” she says. But by the time she got to court in August 2017, “something snapped, I think”. She laughs. Her testimony was sharp and uncompromising. She refused to allow Mueller’s lawyers to blame her or her security guards; when asked if she could see the incident, Swift said no, because “my ass is in the back of my body”. It was a brilliant, rude defence.

“You’re supposed to behave yourself in court and say ‘rear end’,” she says with mock politesse. “The other lawyer was saying, ‘When did he touch your backside?’ And I was like, ‘ASS! Call it what it is!’” She claps between each word. But despite the acclaim for her testimony and eventual victory (she asked for one symbolic dollar), she still felt belittled. It was two months prior to the beginning of the #MeToo movement. “Even this case was literally twisted so hard that people were calling it the ‘butt-grab case’. They were saying I sued him because there’s this narrative that I want to sue everyone. That was one of the reasons why the summer was the apocalypse.”

She never wanted the assault to be made public. Have there been other instances she has dealt with privately? “Actually, no,” she says soberly. “I’m really lucky that it hadn’t happened to me before. But that was one of the reasons it was so traumatising. I just didn’t know that could happen. It was really brazen, in front of seven people.” She has since had security cameras installed at every meet-and-greet she does, deliberately pointed at her lower half. “If something happens again, we can prove it with video footage from every angle,” she says.

The allegations about Harvey Weinstein came out soon after she won her case. The film producer had asked her to write a song for the romantic comedy One Chance, which earned her second Golden Globe nomination. Weinstein also got her a supporting role in the 2014 sci-fi movie The Giver, and attended the launch party for 1989. But she says they were never alone together.

“He’d call my management and be like, ‘Does she have a song for this film?’ And I’d be like, ‘Here it is,’” she says dispassionately. “And then I’d be at the Golden Globes. I absolutely never hung out. And I would get a vibe – I would never vouch for him. I believe women who come forward, I believe victims who come forward, I believe men who come forward.” Swift inhales, flustered. She says Weinstein never propositioned her. “If you listen to the stories, he picked people who were vulnerable, in his opinion. It seemed like it was a power thing. So, to me, that doesn’t say anything – that I wasn’t in that situation.”

Meanwhile, Donald Trump was more than nine months into his presidency, and still Swift had not taken a position. But the idea that a pop star could ever have impeded his path to the White House seemed increasingly naive. In hindsight, the demand that Swift speak up looks less about politics and more about her identity (white, rich, powerful) and a moralistic need for her to redeem herself – as if nobody else had ever acted on a vindictive instinct, or blundered publicly.

But she resisted what might have been an easy return to public favour. Although Reputation contained softer love songs, it was better known for its brittle, vengeful side (see This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things). She describes that side of the album now as a “bit of a persona”, and its hip-hop-influenced production as “a complete defence mechanism”. Personally, I thought she had never been more relatable, trashing the contract of pious relatability that traps young women in the public eye.

***

It was the assault trial, and watching the rights of LGBTQ friends be eroded, that finally politicised her, Swift says. “The things that happen to you in your life are what develop your political opinions. I was living in this Obama eight-year paradise of, you go, you cast your vote, the person you vote for wins, everyone’s happy!” she says. “This whole thing, the last three, four years, it completely blindsided a lot of us, me included.”

She recently said she was “dismayed” when a friend pointed out that her position on gay rights wasn’t obvious (what if she had a gay son, he asked), hence this summer’s course correction with the single You Need To Calm Down (“You’re comin’ at my friends like a missile/Why are you mad?/When you could be GLAAD?”). Didn’t she feel equally dismayed that her politics weren’t clear? “I did,” she insists, “and I hate to admit this, but I felt that I wasn’t educated enough on it. Because I hadn’t actively tried to learn about politics in a way that I felt was necessary for me, making statements that go out to hundreds of millions of people.”

She explains her inner conflict. “I come from country music. The number one thing they absolutely drill into you as a country artist, and you can ask any other country artist this, is ‘Don’t be like the Dixie Chicks!’” In 2003, the Texan country trio denounced the Iraq war, saying they were “ashamed” to share a home state with George W Bush. There was a boycott, and an event where a bulldozer crushed their CDs. “I watched country music snuff that candle out. The most amazing group we had, just because they talked about politics. And they were getting death threats. They were made such an example that basically every country artist that came after that, every label tells you, ‘Just do not get involved, no matter what.’

“And then, you know, if there was a time for me to get involved…” Swift pauses. “The worst part of the timing of what happened in 2016 was I felt completely voiceless. I just felt like, oh God, who would want me? Honestly.” She would otherwise have endorsed Hillary Clinton? “Of course,” she says sincerely. “I just felt completely, ugh, just useless. And maybe even like a hindrance.”

I suggest that, thinking selfishly, her coming out for Clinton might have made people like her. “I wasn’t thinking like that,” she stresses. “I was just trying to protect my mental health – not read the news very much, go cast my vote, tell people to vote. I just knew what I could handle and I knew what I couldn’t. I was literally about to break. For a while.” Did she seek therapy? “That stuff I just really wanna keep personal, if that’s OK,” she says.

She resists blaming anyone else for her political silence. Her emergence as a Democrat came after she left Big Machine, the label she signed to at 15. (They are now at loggerheads after label head Scott Borchetta sold the company, and the rights to Swift’s first six albums, to Kanye West’s manager, Scooter Braun.) Had Borchetta ever advised her against speaking out? She exhales. “It was just me and my life, and also doing a lot of self-reflection about how I did feel really remorseful for not saying anything. I wanted to try and help in any way that I could, the next time I got a chance. I didn’t help, I didn’t feel capable of it – and as soon as I can, I’m going to.”

Swift was once known for throwing extravagant 4 July parties at her Rhode Island mansion. The Instagram posts from these star-studded events – at which guests wore matching stars-and-stripes bikinis and onesies – probably supported a significant chunk of the celebrity news industry GDP. But in 2017, they stopped. “The horror!” wrote Cosmopolitan, citing “reasons that remain a mystery” for their disappearance. It wasn’t “squad” strife or the unavailability of matching cozzies that brought the parties to an end, but Swift’s disillusionment with her country, she says.

There is a smart song about this on the new album – the track that should have been the first single, instead of the cartoonish ME!. Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince is a forlorn, gothic ballad in the vein of Lana Del Rey that uses high-school imagery to dismantle American nationalism: “The whole school is rolling fake dice/You play stupid games/You win stupid prizes,” she sings with disdain. “Boys will be boys then/Where are the wise men?”

As an ambitious 11-year-old, she worked out that singing the national anthem at sports games was the quickest way to get in front of a large audience. When did she start feeling conflicted about what America stands for? She gives another emphatic ugh. “It was the fact that all the dirtiest tricks in the book were used and it worked,” she says. “The thing I can’t get over right now is gaslighting the American public into being like” – she adopts a sanctimonious tone – “‘If you hate the president, you hate America.’ We’re a democracy – at least, we’re supposed to be – where you’re allowed to disagree, dissent, debate.” She doesn’t use Trump’s name. “I really think that he thinks this is an autocracy.”

As we speak, Tennessee lawmakers are trying to impose a near-total ban on abortion. Swift has staunchly defended her “Tennessee values” in recent months. What’s her position? “I mean, obviously, I’m pro-choice, and I just can’t believe this is happening,” she says. She looks close to tears. “I can’t believe we’re here. It’s really shocking and awful. And I just wanna do everything I can for 2020. I wanna figure out exactly how I can help, what are the most effective ways to help. ’Cause this is just…” She sighs again. “This is not it.”

***

It is easy to forget that the point of all this is that a teenage Taylor Swiftwanted to write love songs. Nemeses and negativity are now so entrenched in her public persona that it’s hard to know how she can get back to that, though she seems to want to. At the end of Daylight, the new album’s dreamy final song, there’s a spoken-word section: “I want to be defined by the things that I love,” she says as the music fades. “Not the things that I hate, not the things I’m afraid of, the things that haunt me in the middle of the night.” As well as the songs written for Alwyn, there is one for her mother, who recently experienced a cancer relapse: “You make the best of a bad deal/I just pretend it isn’t real,” Swift sings, backed by the Dixie Chicks.

How does writing about her personal life work if she’s setting clearer boundaries? “It actually made me feel more free,” she says. “I’ve always had this habit of never really going into detail about exactly what situation inspired what thing, but even more so now.” This is only half true: in the past, Swift wasn’t shy of a level of detail that invited fans to figure out specific truths about her relationships. And when I tell her that Lover feels a more emotionally guarded album, she bristles. “I know the difference between making art and living your life like a reality star,” she says. “And then even if it’s hard for other people to grasp, my definition is really clear.”

Even so, Swift begins Lover by addressing an adversary, opening with a song called I Forgot That You Existed (“it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference”), presumably aimed at Kanye West, a track that slightly defeats its premise by existing. But it sweeps aside old dramas to confront Swift’s real nemesis, herself. “I never grew up/It’s getting so old,” she laments on The Archer.

She has had to learn not to pre-empt disaster, nor to run from it. Her life has been defined by relationships, friendships and business relationships that started and ended very publicly (though she and Perry are friends again). At the same time, the rules around celebrity engagement have evolved beyond recognition in her 15 years of fame. Rather than trying to adapt to them, she’s now asking herself: “How do you learn to maintain? How do you learn not to have these phantom disasters in your head that you play out, and how do you stop yourself from sabotage – because the panic mechanism in your brain is telling you that something must go wrong.” For her, this is what growing up is. “You can’t just make cut-and-dry decisions in life. A lot of things are a negotiation and a grey area and a dance of how to figure it out.”

And so this time, Swift is sticking around. In December she will turn 30, marking the point after which more than half her life will have been lived in public. She’ll start her new decade with a stronger self-preservationist streak, and a looser grip (as well as a cameo in Cats). “You can’t micromanage life, it turns out,” she says, drily.

When Swift finally answered my question about the moment she would choose in the VH1 Behind The Music episode about herself, the one where her career turned, she said she hoped it wouldn’t focus on her “apocalypse” summer of 2016. “Maybe this is wishful thinking,” she said, “but I’d like to think it would be in a couple of years.” It’s funny to hear her hope that the worst is still to come while sitting in her fairytale living room, the cats pacing: a pragmatist at odds with her romantic monument to teenage dreams. But it sounds something like perspective.

[psychopersonified]

Quartermaster Origin - Series 2 (Ep 3 finale)

An imaginary Q-centric Netflix series

Series 2 Episode 1 & 2 here. Might want to read the first 2 episode first for everything to make more sense.

Series 1 Pilot here. 

In this second series, we see Q’s double life and how he juggles them. One as a civilian and the other in service with MI6 -  his growth his setbacks; the dramas that follow and which of the two will have to give way. 

To make Q’s backstory come to life and the events that happen to and around him seem more realistic, I’ve tried to include as much relevant details including the bureaucracy, politics and technology in MI6 (with a lot of artistic licence). The details all play a role in growing plot and telling of the narrative, I promise. 

This is meant to be a plot summary, not a full blown fic. Feel free to furnish with your own details. 

------

Episode 3

Clock is ticking! ⏳

Q enlists his unofficial minions - interrupting cyberwar night. Together they form a plan to gather evidence. They confirm the findings when they retest some of the components in storage that were marked as released and find that an unusually high percentage do not meet specification. They trace the manufacturers but they have nothing in common on the surface other than being long time component suppliers to MI6. Q wants to dig further by hacking the company databases but is stopped by R who warns him that he doesn’t have M’s approval. The board only approved an internal investigation, hacking a private company without authorisation would put his career at further risk than it already is. 

By morning of the third day the team have what they need regarding the inventory system hack and the extent of it. Evidence suggests someone familiar with their procedures and systems. The hack itself not incredibly sophisticated by anyone’s standards - it didn’t need to be, the low level system was virtually unprotected. It’s effectiveness lay in how and where it was used tactically, break the weakest link and the whole system is undermined. 

They manage to determine the extent of the breach. About FOUR months. The good news is that it means limited recall of field equipment. Bad news is, the hacker has had four months of skipping around in their system unchallenged. It’s like having an intruder come and go from your house rummaging through your drawers and cupboards for months without you knowing. God knows what they might have left behind - it makes Q feel nauseous and violated. However an idea begins to form in his head....

Timeline check: Note the timeline is now somewhere at the end of Casino Royale, 007 has just infamously resigned with a one sentence email to M.

Q presents all their findings to M and the board. M sends teams to the manufacturers under the guise of a routine audit so as to not tip them off. In one of them, they find a shipment of components intended for MI6. Documents indicate that they passed inspection, but when they are tested, it’s found that they are mostly duds. The CEO denies any wrong doing and cooperates with the investigation, handing over data and recordings. Q runs the employee list through MI6 database and facial recognition, the results come back that the COO has been seen in the company of a certain Mr White (Quantum). With M’s permission, he traces the COO’s financial activities and hacks his secure accounts. He’s been receiving large sums over the course of a few months coinciding with the shipments to MI6. 

That’s one piece of the puzzle slotting into place; M now has more evidence on Mr White than a phone number Vesper left for 007 - and that allows her to sanction 007 to retrieve him for questioning. 

Meanwhile, Q acts on the idea he had and plans a trap for the hacker. The Q-Minions scramble to move all remaining systems regardless of security level behind secure firewalls; the process isn’t neat or clean and it breaks more than a few WIFI enabled printers and IOT devices, including the fancy video conferencing setup M has in her home; but its a small price to pay to remove easy entry points. Hayden can chew him out for causing the Great Print-pocalyspe later. Now for the trap - a mirror system is left in place, fed with filtered data from the master system now behind the firewall, this is so that it appears that they are still in use. Then they wait…..

Meantime, it’s been over a week since Q had last seen Adam. A quiet moment lets Q slip away to deal with his civilian life that he’s put on hold. He calls Adam who is relieved that Q is OK. Adam is in tears when he tells Q that he realises that he doesn’t even know where Q’s flat is and has gone to the extent of calling hospitals in the city to check if something has happened to him - he was close to reporting Q as a missing person to the Met. Q assures Adam the best he can and they agree to talk in a few days when whatever emergency he’s dealing with is over. 

They end the call with Q feeling like a right piece of work. He hadn’t meant to make Adam worry so much, he had meant to check in earlier, text even. So why hadn’t he? Q has a uncomfortable realisation - as wonderfully stable and predictable as Adam is, he lacks the excitement and intellectual stimulation that MI6 provides. His life in MI6 draws him like a moth to a flame, even if it might burn him one day. 

Geeky action time! after the break below. 

At Q-Branch, the shipment arrives and is put through the normal procedures of logging in new inventory and testing. Not 24 hours later the hacker strikes. This time Q and his minions are ready. As the hacker’s code rips through the mirror system, it changes data and pings its trojans within the system for updates. Q’s team record all the activity but leave the hacker unchallenged. 

Instead they chase hacker on two fronts even as the signal is bounced all over the world - the source of the hack as well as the destination of the data packets its downloaded from the mirror system to see if they overlap, hoping to find a point of origin. Both trails end up somewhere between IndoChina-Hong Kong. The source of the hack is harder to pinpoint but the data packets are ending up somewhere in Laos. It’s a poorly secured telecommunications server belonging to Lao Telecom. It’s likely the owners don’t even know they are being used as a data cache to be retrieved later by the hacker. 

Time to pull the plug. But before that Q acts on a hunch, he takes over the system locking everyone else out and executes a data grab first - pulling data off the server in Laos and dumping it into a proxy of his own in Philippines. That’s when he realises that it’s not a passive hack using automated code. There is someone on the other end actively watching... 

Now alerted to Q’s presence, the hacker fights back. Simultaneously trying to regain control of the server and chasing Q’s data grab. After several failed attempts by the hacker to regain control and protect the data - whoever they were decides to cut their losses. The hacker sends a DDOS attack to the server, overwhelming it and taking with it telecom service in the surrounding region - Q looses connection. Not the most elegant counter by the hacker, but effective. No matter, Q had already managed to grab a sizeable chunk which he’ll examine later. The other trail also ends abruptly.

Q isn’t innocent either, he’s had to initiate lockout protocols to protect the data he’s dumped in the Philippines, so even the owners of the server in the Department of Transportation can’t get in temporarily. If the traffic lights in Pasig city goes on the blink for half a day and causes mayhem…. well Q better hide their tracks.

It’s OVER. There is dead silence in Q-Branch, jarring after close to an hour of frantic activity. It’s as if no one dares to breathe. Q wills himself to calm, his fingers coming up to cover his eyes under his glasses, he finally lets out a long breath he had not realised he was holding. With that, it’s as if a tightly wound string had been cut. His minions take their cue and break into their own sighs and groans of relief. A minion (future R) is retching into the nearest bin, that was how much anxiety and stress was in the room. 

All the adrenaline and tension of the last few weeks bleeds out of him and Q feels like he can’t hold himself upright any longer. He braces himself on his work station and slowly slips onto the floor back against the workstation desk. The reality of the situation hits him then - today, halfway around the world, two servers in two unsuspecting nations just became the latest cyberwar battleground and victims of collateral mayhem. Q is treading on eggshells - an attack like this even if indirect could be construed as an act of war on sovereign nations if they ever found out (yes, Q kinda, technically, maybe caused England to declare war on two nations today).

He doesn’t know it yet, but this was their first of a series of live encounters with Raoul Silva. Q hadn’t planned on Silva being on the other end, so the timing of their counter offensive is a huge clue to Silva as to who they were. 

*A throat clearing* M and Tanner make themselves known. They were alerted when the hack started but M chose to stand back and let Q and his team handle it while she watched. Q stiffly picks himself off the floor to face M and Tanner. His minions are also rousing from their various states of collapse - future R is still clutching the bin. 

Q confirms they got what they needed. Q and his minions can now use the records of the hacker’s activity in the mirror system and compare it with the unaltered data in the master system and locate the areas that were tampered with as well as where the trojans were located. Like comparing two photographs to see what was changed. This will help them weed out the trojans and patch the system quickly, while also allowing them to study the hackers patterns and choice of tools - both as a ‘fingerprint’ identification as well as adapting MI6’s own cybersecurity response.

As for the data Q stole from the server in Laos, by the time the dust settles in Quantum of Solace, they will find that it was not just MI6s’ inventory system that was targeted. Mr White working for Quantum had been paying off employees in a number of defence companies to ship dud components and equipment to law enforcement and military around the world, while Silva uses the same hack to launder the records of faulty equipment. Once the reputation and faith in these companies have been shaken, Quantum would sweep in with their own and monopolise the industry; controlling the supply of a multi-billion dollar market and aligning it to their own agenda. 

Weeks later, 007 has removed Dominic Greene and exposed his plans in Bolivia, but its Q’s investigation and stolen data that allows MI6 to get ahead of Quantum’s plan globally. Unknown to him, Q has already thwarted SPECTRE twice before he’s even in full-time service of MI6 (once in the pilot and now). We can imagine the interest that generates within the organisation to find out who is behind it. 

(This is also my take on the personalised “Not such a clever boy” message in Skyfall. Silva knew who Q was long before 007 brought him in. And if Silva knew who Q was, so will SPECTRE. Delicious future setup! *rubs hands*)

Q meets Adam for their ‘talk’ in a local animal shelter Adam is volunteering at. Adam is much calmer, resigned even. As they feed and play with the animals, he tells Q that he’s given a lot of thought to their relationship and realises that he barely knows Q. Q has never invited him over to his place, or introduced him to his family or friends, doesn’t know what he does outside of university other than the excuses he gives. Who is he?? Q listens without saying anything. 

Q leans against against a wall of cages and watches Adam thoughtfully as he goes about his work around the shelter. Adam who is kind, thoughtful, who likes long walks and conversations, who picks up strays and nurses them back to health. Adam with his strong nurturing instinct and perfect abs, who gives everything to help those in need. Q commits possible acts of war on behalf of a nation, heedless to the damage it causes. The end justify the means and all that... a life that demands secrecy and subterfuge. Adam could never understand that. It is no one’s fault. They don’t deserve one another. They break-up amicably. 

Q helps Adam finish his shift at the shelter. As he tries to put the big adult orange tabby he’s been petting all afternoon back in its cage, the moggie refuses to let go. It meows grumpily and clings to his jumper like velcro. He’s a heavy one, rounded head with impressive jowls, ears notched in a few places and some superficial facial scarring. A street brawler before he was brought in for sure, but now a needy cuddle monster shredding Q’s jumper. Perhaps he’s feeling a little melancholy and a bit lonely now that the breakup is formal, he finds the low pitched yowling  heartbreaking. 

He finally gets the cat to let go by sacrificing his jumper, leaving the clothing inside the cage for it to snuggle in. Q goes to leave, the cat’s continued piteous calls tugs at his heartstrings. He makes it as far as the door before turning back and grabbing the cat’s papers hanging by the cage. Guess he’s not going home alone after all. 

The last scene of the finale is M in her office. She’s reviewing all the gathered intel and drawing connections. She recognises that she’s being herded into a corner. Unknown entity (Silva) trying to pull the rug out from under her by undermining MI6 through Q-Branch, while Quantum attacks directly from the inside with an assassination attempt by her bodyguard. This is only the start. 

------

Notes: I like the idea that Q is more than just a future quartermaster doling out equipment and supplies. He’s also an ‘agent’ in his own right - it makes the conversation when he meets 007 in Skyfall hold more weight. It’s not just hubris, he’s proven himself.

Next on Q... let me know what you’d like to see. 

[clansayeed]

Bound by Destiny ― Chapter 9: The Invitation

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny ⥽

Nadya Al Jamil (MC) has been struggling from the day she moved to Manhattan, but her new job as assistant to the mysterious CEO of Raines Corp was supposed to turn her luck around. Until she finds herself caught in the middle of a war involving the Council of Vampires who secretly run the city. An evil from the birth of Vampire-kind stirs beneath, feeding on the conflict, and finds Nadya bound to a destiny she never asked for.

Bound by Destiny and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

Everything is fine. Sure, her old room mate is a homeless vampire on the streets and her new one is a 2,000 year old babe who won't give her the time of day... but it's fine. Totally fine.

[READ IT ON AO3]

Turns out this isn’t a space for guests at Ahmanet but rather Kamilah’s personal and private accommodations. In retrospect it makes sense since she’d have to be a fool to leave all this priceless art where anyone could take it, but she’d really like to see what Kamilah does to anyone who even considers calling her a fool.

It also turns out that despite having a personal butler the vampire is pretty low maintenance. Gerard is an old, withered man and the exact opposite of the type of butler Nadya would expect Kamilah to hire.

When she first came across him the night before, Gerard was busy stocking the kitchen with snacks that would make Lily get down on one knee and propose. Definitely not for Kamilah, then. And since she’s never had a situation that required, well, being buttled after, she just does what she does best. She talks to him.

“Your accent—Northern, right?”

Gerard had grinned in reply. “Aye, quite an ear you have there.”

“I did a semester abroad in York,” Nadya explained, sheepish. Trying not to sound desperately pretentious. “If you don’t mind my saying though, you’re a bit easier to understand.”

He was apparently glad for someone to talk to, because boy did Gerard talk. He explained how it was originally his grandfather who came from a small town outside of Manchester and was employed into Kamilah’s — “Lady Kamilah” he calls her — service straight off the boat at Ellis Island. “Found himself a nice wife here; a London lass fleeing the war just as well.” He had a daughter, Gerard’s mother, whose first and only place of employment was also working for Kamilah.

“So when she had you…”

“Just seemed natural at that point. Three generations. ‘Course, I don’t have any myself — never saw the allure. It’s just been Lady Kamilah and I since my mam retired oh… right about when they knocked down the Wall.”

When Kamilah ‘checked on her’ after her business hours Nadya paid close attention to their interaction — and she was amazed at how kind and considerate Kamilah was to the gentleman. Despite being paid to look after her needs Nadya watched as Kamilah helped Gerard’s trembling hands hold the coffee grounds steady.

It was… sweet.

Adrian’s trip takes him a day longer than they thought. Whenever Nadya tries to pry information out of her vampire host the woman goes tight-lipped. And she just doesn’t seem the type to be easily worn-down by an old-fashioned begging episode. She just has to trust that if anything were to happen… Kamilah would tell her.

When he’s back in the city, Adrian’s first stop is at Ahmanet.

Nadya’s gotten so used to the comings and goings of Gerard that she doesn’t even look up at the sound of the front door. Just continues enjoying her butter pecan scone while Kamilah peruses the evening paper with her coffee in hand. They’ve gotten pretty domestic.

“I trust everything went smoothly?” Kamilah asks; doesn’t even look up from the article she’s devouring in the financial section.

Nadya looks around, confused, and chokes on her half-chewed bite when Adrian suddenly appears in the doorway as if by magic.

Stupid vampire hearing.

“Are things ever that easy?” On his way to the coffee pot Adrian stops and squeezes Nadya’s shoulder in comfort. Of course she’s still mad at him for saying one thing and doing another — but the threat Vega poses sort of eclipses her immediate annoyance. And a familiar face helps way more than she thought.

Kamilah sets down the paper. Looks at Adrian with a hard eye.

“Did you hold up our end of the bargain or not?”

“I found us a middle ground.”

“That wasn’t what we agreed upon.”

“We’ll discuss this later, Kamilah.”

Nadya snorts — still a little salty about the last discussion he had around her. “Don’t hold back on my account.” She realizes this was a mistake when, even without looking up from her phone, she feels two pairs of eyes boring into her.

Behind her there’s a deep sigh, then Adrian joins them at the small kitchen table with a mug in hand. Turns his attention to Nadya. “How are you feeling?”

Well that’s just a very good question now isn’t it? Too bad she doesn’t have an answer. “Okay. Kamilah’s been a great host.”

“She has?”

“Why the tone of surprise?” The older vampire asks — but it doesn’t look like she’s taken real offense.

“I just —”

“Yes?” She looks at Adrian expectantly and Nadya can’t help but get a kick out of how he looks like a scolded child. When he can’t come up with an answer Kamilah nods in fitful victory. “I thought so.”

There’s a brief and uncomfortable silence while Adrian sips his coffee. Finally Nadya just can’t take it anymore.

“So what are we gonna do about Vega?” She looks between them. “Or any other vampire who wants to squat in my place, for that matter?”

They exchange grim glances. Nadya recognizes the look; the one that trades silent debate on who gets to be the bearer of bad news. Without a word between them — though, really, who needs words when Adrian’s eyebrows are that expressive — they battle it out. Adrian puffs out his chest and moves to place his hand over Nadya’s. She pulls away — catching him by surprise — but he shakes it off quickly.

“If it were that simple we wouldn’t have taken the measures we have. It’s best you stay here until all this blows over.”

Nadya scowls. “Just because he’s a Senator?”

“No,” replies Kamilah curtly, “Adam is more than a Senator, he is a distinguished member of the Council and a Clan Leader, too. Aside from the fact that attempting to chastise him with any sort of publicity would be tantamount to declaring civil war among our ranks, we must continue on as we have to gain the upper hand.”

“What upper hand?”

“Calling Vega out shows weakness. It shows that his attempts to rile you up — to rile me up — worked.” Adrian sips his coffee. “We can’t let him think he’s in a position of power.”

The scones churn in her stomach. It sounds an awful lot like Vega’s getting away with something just because of his status and everything in her bones screams injustice.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s frustrating, and I’m sorry.” Their eyes meet — with a shoulder-slumping sigh Nadya forgives him with a nod and half a smile. Across the table Kamilah rolls her eyes.

“There is a silver lining, however thin, when one takes into account why Adam felt compelled to act as he did. I assure you — his time is spent far better elsewhere.”

“Er — thanks, I think?” She doesn’t know whether or not to feel insulted so she lets Kamilah continue.

“He was the first to speak against the Baron at the Summons. Yet no other has been more outspoken in eradicating the Feral infestation before it overruns us. Curious, Adrian, no?”

He nods. “Yeah, I noticed that too. But he cleared the background check.”

“And if you and I have means to conduct such an investigation without the Council knowing then I’m sure Adam has the means to conceal his machinations just the same.”

“Wait wait—just wait,” Nadya holds up her hands as if to literally pause the conversation, “so now a legit Senator is behind the Turnings and the Ferals?”

“Nothing is certain. And nothing will come of speculations without evidence. Until we get some…” Kamilah stands and tucks her folded paper under her arm. “Some of us have companies to run.” She gives Adrian a pointed look before leaving them alone.

Though it could hardly be called a routine Nadya stands and starts clearing up the table; grabs Kamilah’s empty cup and saucer to do the dishes and opens several cabinets before finding the desired tupperware for her scones.

Adrian loosens the knot against his throat; leans back into the chair with the air of a man finally allowing himself to relax.

“Are you feeling up to returning to work?”

“Depends on the work.” Nadya lies. She’s itching to go out, to do something other than pacing the apartment.

“Well the Volenti writeups could use your color-coded touch…”

Before she can place the lid on the container there’s a blur out of the corner of her eye. And one less scone in the box. She rounds on Adrian as he nibbles the pastry gratefully. “Hey! Nu-uh, scone-thieves don’t get the luxury of color coordination!”

He grins around his bite, and Nadya hates herself for it but she smiles back only because it’s an infectious ease; the lightest she’s felt since the panic of finding Vega in her space.

“Alright, alright…” Sucking up her pride and relenting; “lemme go change. And, hey, make yourself useful and grab me a coffee to go while I do?”

She’s already around the corner as Adrian scoffs, “Make myself useful?”

“You heard me, Raines!”

Nadya doesn’t exactly know when it happens but the how she has down-pat. Kamilah’s been doing this—life, living, the pursuit of continued immortality—a lot longer than Adrian. She’s got a mind for business and doesn’t need to be bothered with the extra labor of a personal assistant of her own. But when she leaves her day planner open on the ornate glass coffee table and Nadya has to witness the injustice of hasty scrawl and dog-eared sticky notes, some no longer relevant, it becomes less of a bother and more of a matter of pride.

Kamilah doesn’t knock on her bedroom door. It’s her penthouse after all.

“What is this?”

She brandishes the newly-corrected day planner with frustration. Nadya grins and leaps to the rescue; explains the new organization method and what the different symbols and colors mean for her hectic schedule.

At the end of it Kamilah surprises her by looking more irritated than usual. Here Adrian had found her penchant for organization to be a godsend.

“Did I ask you to do such a thing?”

Nadya pushes up her glasses, falters. “Well, no, but —”

“Then please refrain from going out of your way.” And already Kamilah is tearing out pages, moving notes; basically giving Nadya a heart attack on the spot. “I am not Adrian — I am a big girl and do not need someone else to handle my affairs.”

So it takes her a hard day’s not-working at Raines Corp. to hunt down the exact same planner online (not to mention an advance on her paycheck for reasons she refuses to tell Adrian) with rush shipping. Rather than apologize in person Nadya decides to take Kamilah’s way of doing things to heart and she simply leaves it all shiny and new on the coffee table.

Kamilah doesn’t say anything about it but, well, it’s gone when she heads to meet Adrian downstairs. So that’s something.

Living with a two thousand year old vampire actually isn’t that bad. Especially when Nadya learns she spends her weekends out of the pantsuit and yes, there is a satin nightgown involved.

The first springtime storm makes New York sigh in relief. Everything is damp and muggy but the rain washes away the last of the snow piled up in alleys and corners, and even Kamilah comments on the lack of road-salt stains on her good shoes.

During the days when it feels like the heavens are weeping onto her directly Nadya sits under an awning at the penthouse rooftop pool. Holds a steaming cup of tea in her hands and watches the cityscape underneath her. When the sun sets and the city grows bright with its own light she tries to pick out Lily among the thousands of dark dots moving through the streets.

The number for Mari’s burner no longer accepts messages. Nadya can’t tell if that’s a good or bad sign. She’s answered probably a hundred solicitation calls in the last month hoping they’re her new number… but they disappoint her every time.

Things settle down. Adrian and Kamilah tell her about Council business if she asks but she gets the feeling she really shouldn’t ask often. Gerard teaches her how to make the perfect cup of tea. She even manages to get Kamilah to join her for one episode of AME and may have written about it in her diary as their first date.

People still go missing or turn up dead on the news. She’ll forward Adrian an article and get a simple one word reply. There are far more “yes” answers than “no” and either of them want to stomach it so they don’t talk about it unless they have to.

Everything goes a bit weird when the elevator doors open Wednesday evening and Marie Antoinette is standing in front of Nadya’s desk.

“Well, actually,” Adrian leans in to correct her, “if you look closely her patterning is a little more subtle and the lacework isn’t as extensive.”

“And?” Nadya hisses through her forced smile.

“Marie Antoinette was 18th century is all I’m saying. This woman is obviously 17th judging by how her costume isn’t as decorated yet.” Obviously, he says, as though he didn’t just blow her mind in displaying his (apparently extensive) knowledge of French historical fashion.

The woman stands and gives a sweeping curtsy with her skirts. Nadya finds herself fixated on the height of her wig and how in the world she must be keeping it on her head.

“Mademoiselle et monsieur, bonsoir.” She lays on the accent thick. The secondhand embarrassment she’s feeling for the woman is all too real.

“Bonsoir,” replies Adrian with a slight bow. He gives Nadya a look as if to say ‘go along with it’ she she struggles through curtsying in a pencil skirt.

Luckily the woman doesn’t stay long — Adrian doesn’t even invite her into his office. She offers him a small envelope made of a thick textured paper, his name scrawled in beautiful calligraphy on the front, and bids them both good day on her way back to the elevator.

“Isn’t anyone gonna question that?” Nadya watches the doors close on her while Adrian continues into his office proper.

“Question what?” With considerable care for the craft of the envelope he slides his letter opener along the seam and unfurls the gift within.

“You know, nevermind.”

The letter is an invitation — she can tell that much from afar. But no matter how many questions she pesters him with Adrian refuses to budge. “We’ll discuss it later, with Kamilah,” he says, “I promise.” But he does make her schedule him as ‘Out of the Office’ for a long weekend. Curiouser and curiouser.

The apartment is swathed in the aromatic fragrance of Gerard’s butter chicken and curry when they finally arrive near dawn. Nadya’s fully embraced nocturnal life and so has her stomach; which rumbles petulantly when she passes the kitchen to change out of her work clothes.

Only the living room — or whatever Kamilah wants to call it, parlor or whatever — has had a bit of a change since she left that evening. Namely the half dozen headless mannequins miraculously scattered around the now empty space. Each wearing something beautiful; divine. Each more so than the last.

And Kamilah on the couch eying them body-by-body with nothing less than frustration.

“Do they have to be headless?” Nadya asks with a slight whine. Then again at least it doesn’t look like they’re staring into her soul this way.

Adrian, behind her, gives a half-snort of amusement.

“Well that answers that question.”

Kamilah looks at them abruptly as though they take her by surprise. “Is knocking a lost art?”

I live here, Nadya wants to say but doesn’t push her luck. “Sorry Kamilah. We just weren’t expecting…”

“You’ve accepted Marcel’s invitation, then?” Adrian sits beside his old friend and gazes at each mannequin with scrutiny. “I was hoping we’d discuss it first.”

“What’s there to discuss? We attend the Awakening Ball every decade without fail. Why would this one be any different?”

“The last Ball he threw there wasn’t a statewide Feral panic.”

“Oh do cut the dramatics, Adrian. It isn’t statewide. And Nadya, dearest, please do not touch. These aren’t replicas but irreplaceable originals.”

Nadya jumps back like the fabric has teeth, both sheepish and filled with awe. One of the dresses is obviously Egyptian in origin but the vibrant colors and jewels look more like something made within the last week than however many centuries ago.

“So you—I mean this was yours?”

Kamilah rolls her eyes like answering the question is tiresome enough on its own, but Nadya’s lived in close quarters with her long enough to see a hint of pride in the gleam of her eyes.

“It is mine. But I understand your meaning and, yes, I wore it during my days in Cleopatra’s inner circle.”

Nadya looks to Adrian as if for confirmation; he shrugs lazily. Still intent to focus on whatever they were both invited to.

He leans forward with an elbow on his knee in the same way he does while discussing important company business. “Still, that many vampires in one place —”

“Are you insinuating that petit bébé is behind such madness?” There’s an air of possessiveness in Kamilah’s accusation.

“What? No, of course not.”

“Then you will go and you will like it. Traditions like these are just what we need in times of chaos and fear.”

If Adrian thinks about arguing with her it doesn’t last long. He sighs and slumps his shoulders with a resigning nod of his head. “I suppose it would be a good chance to get the Council together without force.”

“Now you’re thinking about the bigger picture.” Kamilah pats his knee affectionately. Turns to watch the next dress Nadya has fixated on with appraisal.

“That was my second choice, behind simply forgoing Marcel’s theatrics entirely, but I doubt he’d forgive me for a century or two if I refused to participate.”

Nadya lets her fingers hover just a hair’s breadth away from the dark red silk. The color of blood — obviously and on purpose. She wistfully thinks of how dead Lily would be over a real, authentic Medieval corset and smiles to herself. Tragic wording aside.

Then she feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand and Kamilah’s not on the couch anymore. She can smell the cinnamon and heavy wildflowers of her perfume — oh god she’s right behind me.

Kamilah’s voice comes lowered, almost sultry, and Nadya watches like a statue as her delicate hand comes up to gently coax Nadya’s fingers to sample the texture of the silk.

“Difficult to move in — all women’s clothing back then was.” She traces their joined hands over the straps of the bodice with something akin to sentiment. “But it never failed to accentuate my… assets.” They stop at the curve of whalebone. Nadya’s having a really really hard time breathing suddenly as she imagines exactly what kind of assets would be settled there. Warm and soft, snugly pressed together, rising and falling with every breath…

“Will you be joining us tonight, Mister Raines?” Gerard’s voice cuts through the hazy lace-trimmed fog of Nadya’s mind. She looks to see him in his usual black apron with a stack of plates in hand.

There’s a small brush of air and she knows Kamilah’s no longer within arms reach.

Adrian stands and tucks his coat over his arm; gives Gerard a fond smile and pat on the shoulder. “Not this morning, I’m afraid. I have an appointment back at the office.”

That takes her by surprise.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

He clears his throat and looks aside. Suddenly unable to meet Nadya’s eyes. “It’s a personal matter.”

“And?”

He tilts his head upwards and there’s no mistake at the look in his ruby eyes. Hunger. Yet he keeps his lips sealed and appears to shift in his own skin.

“Got it. Well…”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Nadya.”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

She wants to call out to him before he goes. Wants to tell him that, like with all things, he can trust her with that side of him, too. But then she realizes she’s never actually seen him feed — Kamilah either. Was it something they were keeping from her? Some innocence left they were trying to maintain before an inevitable fall from grace?

Gerard and Nadya eat alone. When the dishes are done and Nadya feels like she’s helped all she can she returns to the living room to find the mannequins gone — as if they were never there at all — and Kamilah’s bedroom door closed.

She stays up long enough to see the sun rise from the roof of the building. When she’s sure it’ll keep going without her she tucks into bed. Her dreams wrap her in a cocoon of dark red silk and the smell of burning cinnamon.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching Good Omens (ALL OF IT)

my favourite novel is now my favourite mini-series and IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

under the cut: a very long, spoilery six-episode reaction to MY NEW FAVOURITE THING EVER

--

may 31st 07:36pm nz

i posted my episode 1 reaction a couple hours ago but that got ZERO NOTES so i assume people are either avoiding spoilers or aren’t interested, which is fine, but i’m just gonna put all my reactions in one big post so anyone who IS interested doesn’t have to read 6 separate posts c:

edit june 1st 04:08am: btw i watched using a free trial on amazon prime, which i’m pretty sure is worldwide. soooo if yOU WANT TO WATCH THIS, YOU CAN, FOR FREE

--

EPISODE 1: In the Beginning

--

04:03pm

idk how much i’m gonna type, whether i’ll post a reaction to the entire thing in one post....... or how much i’ll end up watching right now

kinda want to spread it out and save it as a treat for after i’ve done some writing

but right now i wanna watch before writing

so maybe i’ll do one ep, write something, then return to this?

edit: aahhaha that didn’t happen

-

04:04pm

I’M SO EXCITED

I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG

well... since 2011 when i first read the book

but regardless it’S BEEN 84 YEARS

-

04:05

okay first off i did not know amazon prime did adverts at the start of their videos. so i was like SINCE WHEN WAS CHILDISH GAMBINO/DONALD GLOVER IN GOOD OMENS

and then

yeah

no

either way i thought it was a good opening

-

W A R

NING

cool cool cool cool cool

-

omg i’m used to where the netflix full-screen button is, and on amazon prime that’s the “next episode” button so i gotta be real careful

-

dear god my video quality is TERRIBLE

i.......... i might torrent this show and watch it offline

this is horrendous i can’t see a damn thing

i have never seen pixels this big

-

04:11

okay the quality calmed down after a minute

i loooove the intro, i love that it’s basically word for word from the book

i feel like i’d find it funnier if i hadn’t read the book 3 months ago

-

also? god is a woman? yes

-

04:13

is it just me or does the snek have a slightly david tennant-esque quality about it

-

i’m so happy adam and eve are black

-

04:17

omfg. aziraphale said “ineffable” and now CRAWLEY’S CHECKING HIM OUT TRYING TO SEE IF HE HAS ANY JUNK

WOW

...or y’know, looking for a flaming sword. SAME FUCKING THING.

-

also i looove how FLUFFY azi is

-

azi: “do hope i didn’t do the wrong thing”

i fucking love them both uhrgughhhuhuhughuhhh

-

04:21

small sob for cuteness

umbella wings

-

04:23

in the opening titles, crowley just stopped a spaceship and aziraphale turned it into fish

i feel like that was a douglas adams reference and i’m on board

-

04:25

the entire time i read the book, up until i saw video promos of this show, i thought “crowley” was said the same way as spn’s “crowley”, as in “crahwlee”

not “crOhwlee”

i definitely like that they’re different though

both probably named after aleister crowley tbh. all of whom are queer.

-

THOSE SWAYING HIPS

i haven’t found david tennant attractive in about 9 years but WHOOOP HELLO AGAIN

somehow attractive for entirely different reasons than before. like. my taste changed but tHEN

-

i’m on crowley’s side, taking down a cellphone network is VERY ANNOYING

-

04:35

crowley: shitshitshitshithsit

:D

i can’t wait for aziraphale’s big swear

-

04:37

i miss eating sushi

sushi was great

-

04:43

this baby delivery thing is sTRESSFUL

“aaaaurthurrrrr”

nooo

poor lady

-

04:45

“little toesie woesies”

where’s the sister mary loquacious fan club and where do i sign up

-

i’m glad they colour-coded the babies and did the playing card explanation because this part of the book always tied my brain in knots

-

05:00

this is reminding me how utterly gross england is

-

“MY POINT IS............. DOLPHINS”

YES

-

05:06

see in the book

i never once realised that the nanny was crowley in disguise

-

05:11

digging the snake tattoo sideburns

-

05:14

and yeah the short hair looks good

-

05:15

fINALLY crowley called azi “angel”

-

05:17

crowley: “oh no no don’t do your magic act, pleeease”

the magic act scene is one of my fave parts of the book <3

-

05:20

aw man they cut out the best part

i mean i get why

the kids shouted a bunch of gay slurs at aziraphale

and there were no secret service people with guns

but aw mannn

AND THEY CUT OUT THE BIT WITH THE DEAD DOVE AND CROWLEY BRINGS IT BACK TO LIFE FOR AZIRAPHALE

THAT WAS MY SINGLE FAVOURITE BIT OF THE BOOK

AND IT’S GONE

;C

-

OH WAIT

THERE’S THE DOVE

OH GOOD

-

aw man aziraphhale just brought it back himself

i liked it better in the book

they sat on the steps outside and crowley comforted azi and took the dove and fixed it for him, and then it flew off

idk i just had such a perfect image of that moment in my mind and this was..... good but not the same at all

could be gayer

-

05:27

good dog

-

05:28

crowley: *snifsnif* something’s changed

aziraphale: “oh it’s a new cologne, my barber suggeste--”

crowley: “no no i know what you smell like”

gayyyyyyyyyy <3

-

05:31

okay that’s ep 1 watched!!! i’ll watch more maybe later tonight :D

ENJOYING THIS SO FAR

not as gay as expected ........YET

needs 400% more “angel” and “dear”

--

EPISODE 2: The Book

07:42pm

pillar of salt guy: “something smells evil”

the fact crowley smells evil and yet aziraphale likes his company regardless says a lot

-

07:49

fully expected crowley to say “i didn’t fall, i sauntered vaguely downwards”

-

07:50

iiiii’m finding the narrator a little annoying

maybe it’s because i read the book so i know what’s going on

but saying “he has four items to deliver in his van. he works for this postage company and he’s making his first delivery in a formal warzone”.... idk i feel like all of those things could be shown visually? saying it rather than showing it probably saved seven seconds of airtime, but damn

-

07:56

i wonder if the narrator was a later addition to this, for new audience clarity? the script for god just seems a little stilted, idk

edit: i kind of got used to it, but it was still jarring, which i’m sure was the opposite of the intended effect

-

08:09

the saddest newt

-

08:13

she’s kind of exactly how i imagined her in the book

and definitely my fave next to aziraphale and crowley

-

08:17

i feel so bad for crowley’s plants

poor babies

-

08:19

for some reason i imagined her as a redhead. kind of more like mrs weasley

-

08:33

these wee children......... so soft.......... so smol

-

08:25

v happy with the casting for pepper

tiny downside is that we lose another redhead

-

08:29

i find the kids’ conversations hilarious because they’re the same age as harry potter when he goes to hogwarts the first time

idk if this is what eleven year olds are like in real life, but when i read the book i did feel distinctly like they spoke like eight year olds

-

08:35

crowley: “i like spooky. big spooky fan, me”

he just sounds like the tenth doctor

-

08:36

YEEE FINALLY CROWLeY DOING NICE THINGS FOR AZIRAPHALE

-

08:48

"you know, crowley, i’ve always said that deep down you really are a--”

“SHUT IT”

DON’T YOU CALL HIM NICE YOU PRETTY BASTARD

-

loquacious: “sorry to break up an intimate moment”

-

08:45

i imagined anathema’s tripod thing to be about 5 feet tall, not a cute little knee-high thing

-

08:48

freddie mercury: BIIIII CYCLE

BIIIIIIII CYCLE

yeah i was waiting for that

-

crowley: “get in, angel”

HE MURMURED

DON’T MURMUR YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARMENT noo

-

09:00

end of episode 2!!! i freaking loved aziraphale vs the book <3

-

the credits for this ep credit konnie huq as someone named pam but idk who that is? i had a crush on konnie huq as a kid when she was a presenter on “blue peter”

OH WAIT RIGHT the lady on the breakfast show on crowley’s tv. aw such a small part. hoping we’ll see her again later

edit: nope. might rewatch that part to pay more attention. obviously i didn’t even recognise her after like.. 15 years

--

EPISODE 3: Hard Times

09:05pm

brb gotta get some food

-

09:14

and now i wait for food

EPISODE THREE LET’S GO

is this the one that’s just crowley and azi’s backstory?

-

09:16

i can’t even put my finger on why but he’s getting more attractive

-

09:21

ah yes

aziraphale is eating shellfish and trying to tempt crowley

“oh... that’s your job”

i love this part of their dynamic

-

09:29

i adore when crowley makes aziraphale smile <3

-

09:43

SAUNTERED VAGUELY DOWNWARDS

YEE

-

i like seeing how crowley’s sunglasses differ throughout history

-

09:36

“if they knew i’d been... fraternising”

this is such a forbidden romance i love ittttt

-

09:49

CROWLEY SAVED THE BOOKS

and SOFT VIOLIN PLAYS

THIS IS A FUCKING LOVE STORY

k this is my favourite part of the show so far <3

-

09:50

this angel just fell in love

right in that moment

i see cartoon hearts around him

-

09:54

just had to pause for a second bc there was some broccoli in my tea :c

-

09:56

awwwwwwwwwwwwww 

he got him holy waterrrrrrr

-

UNIVERSAL ANGLE OF HETEROSEXUAL LONGING

-

definitely feeling a lot of “NOW KISS” right about now

-

09:59

LAUGHING BECAUSE THE OPENING CREDITS ARE LITERALLY HALFWAY INTO THE EPISODE

-

10:03

throughout the entire book azi just came across as the kind of person who wore glasses even though glasses were never once mentioned

I AM GLAD TO SEE GLASSES

-

10:12

i like this colour palette and the gold in their makeup

-

10:27

“we can go off together”

omg the world’s ending and crowley’s all RUN AWAY WITH MEEE

-

10:31

okay then

good eyelashes

edit: i also like how their relationship was explained with a simple tap on the wrist: hurry up, you’re on the clock, i’m a sex worker, finish your call because i’m leaving

-

10:32

episode three DONE

these eps don’t feel long enough

maybe that means the pacing is just right? who knows

i feel like i should be doing something other than watching this but..... why

--

EPISODE 4: Saturday Morning Funtime

10:48pm

aziraphale is SOFT and he’s perfect like that <3

fuck u gabriel and your body shaming

-

10:53

i want delivery guy to be okay BUT I READ THE BOOK

so............... i know he will be...... eventually

-

10:55

how did they get photographs taken in the 1600s

-

oh gabriel’s eyes ARE purple, i thought i was seeing them wrong

-

11:02

“maud i love you”

noo ho hoooo

-

11:09

a little douglas adams, definitely

BUT NO PEPPER POT DALEK

AWW

-

11:10

the season is very much jumping between summer and autumn

though i suppose that’s the point, tadfield is just perfect

-

11:12

“which the internet has begun to refer to as the kracken”

i wonder if good omens inadvertently inspired me to write The Wireless a couple of years back. wouldn’t be surprising

edit: no, couldn’t have, because the internet wasn’t much of a thing (or a thing at all?) in the book, given its publish date

-

11:20

that’s a v nice dress/top combo

gosh she’s so pretty

-

11:30

crowley: “we can run away together!!! alpha centauri!!!”

aw baby

-

crowley: “i’m going home, angel! i’m getting my stuff, and i am leaving. and when i am up in the stars, i won’t even think about you!!”

THAT WAS A V SAD BREAKUP NOOOOO

why has there not been a single “dear” yet :c

-

11:37

oh no, this part

i loved this in the book but i am NOT READY for maggots

damn you gaiman

-

11:39

he’s so cute

and so gay

-

11:42

uriel: “don’t think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in hell”

he looks kinda delighted uriel called crowley his boyfriend

i would say he looks worried but this shot was used without context in the trailer and it came across as genuine joy, i actually thought he was looking at crowley

-

11:46

i thought it was a strange throne before

a spider at the centre of a web

dark halo

yeah

-

11:51

oh now she’s a redhead???

-

also i’m glad they implied newt and anathema just kissed because the sex thing was weird in the book

-

okay never mind

hmm

-

12:05

aziraphale: “oh.................ffffUCK.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

-

12:07

oh no

it’s happening

oh no

i hate this part but i love what happens because of it

-

12:29am

i have eaten and now i have tea and i am back from MORE BOOKSHOP FIRE

-

EPISODE 5: The Doomsday Option

12:31

nuuuuuuuuuu

and “you’re my best friend” playing while crowley’s tryna call azi

nuuuuuu

-

“somebody killed my best friend”

jfhsdfjsdj

/sobs

-

12:36

freddie mercury: “somebody find me somebody tooo ooo looove”

edit: the narration WRECKED this. it was so dramatic and visually emotional but the voiceover completely screwed with it and it was SO UNNECESSARY.

-

12:46

crowley: “i lost my best friend”

he says, while crying, while talking to that friend

-

THE ONE BOOK HE WANTS IS THE ONE CROWLEY SAVED

THEY’RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER

-

azi wanted to share crowley’s body

and then said they had to get a wiggle on

-

12:52

they cut out the hell’s angels / lesser horsemen

i figured they would, but still a shame

-

1:54

in the book tracy’s “spirit guide” was native american but daaaaaamn that part really needed to go

now she’s irish which is... better, probably

-

01:01

ron: “SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP”

this guy’s having the time of his life

-

01:03

he wave

-

01:05

1926 bentley; sexiest car right next to the ‘67 chevy impala

-

01:08

omg gotta translate and explain the road

-

01:13

OH NO the maggots are about to happen

they changed the placement of this but it worked for the pacing

-

OH NO

-

k well the maggots were gross but not as bad as i imagined

-

01:31

omg the dog turned upside down rather than be picked up

i wonder if that was intentional

dog: I DO NOT WANT UP

-

01:34

pfff he’s reading “american gods” by neil gaiman

-

01:44am

10/10 flaming car

-

EPISODE 6: The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives

01:51am

here we go...

-

01:55

azi so happy that crowley said the dress suits him <3

-

01:57

rip bentley

-

01:59

aziraphale: “we are here to lick some serious butt!!”

crowley: “kick!! kick, aziraphale, for heaven’s sake”

-

02:06

i freaking love the parallel between the Them and the horsemen in the book

and i love that they did face shots to show the parallel

pepper = war

wensleydale = famine

brian = pollution

adam = death

the parallel is less clear for brian and wensleydale, at least in the show. was more obvious in the book. but at the same time i kind of got confused between them a lot, brian was always eating, but wensleydale was named after cheese

-

02:14

pepper: “i do not endorse everyday sexism”

/STOMPS ON WAR’S FOOT

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

-

02:25

shadwell: “anyone who wants ta get ta the hoore of babylon will have to get past me”

earlier anathema said “boyfriend”

may i point out that all the adults are paired up

shadwell & madame tracy

newt & anathema

......and....

aziraphale and crowley

-

0:28

crowley: “we are FUCKED”

these two need a holiday

-

azi: “come up with something... or.... or i’ll never talk to you again”

he knows crowley loves him aww

perfect blackmail material

-

02:32

they went from trying to kill him to being his gay angel parents real quick

-

02:35

thought they were holding hands for a second there

edit: regardless, a whole damn airfield and they’re 2cm apart

-

02:39

happy ending for the postman, hooray~

-

crowley about the bookshop, softly: “it burned down. remember? you can stay at my place”

awwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

-

02:42

CROWLEY GOT HIS CAR BACK AND YET HE TOOK A TAXI

-

02:45

anathema: “why is your car called dick turpin?”

newt: “dick turpin is a famous highwayman. it’s called dick turpin because everywhere it goes, it holds up traffic”

i laughed

this wasn’t in the book and i always wondered

-

02:51

i wonder if holy water wouldn’t burn him because he’s too good

-

03:00

gabriel: “don’t talk to me about the greater good, sunshine, i’m the angel fucking gabriel”

really enjoying these swears

-

03:03

i thought so

-

03:30am

paused for a bit to get ready for bed

i thought it was after 4am but nope

-

“there would be other summers, but not one like this. not ever again”

that genuinely makes me emotional

i think that’s why it’s my favourite book, i can relive that summer with them

-

03:35

omg

-

OH MY GOD

WAIT

THEY

OH MY GOD

THEY WEREN’T IMMUNE, THEY JUST SWAPPED PLACES

HOLY SHIT

edit: THIS WAS NOT IN THE BOOK AND IT’S BRILLIANT AND I’M GLAD IT’S HERE

-

crowley: “let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?

azi: “~temptation accomplished~!”

THEY’RE SO STINKING CUTE

-

“just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing”

perfect

STILL NO USE OF “DEAR” THOUGH AND IT’S KILLING ME

-

that ending with the bird made me teary-eyed

-

credits: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AS SATAN

WOW

OKAY

AKSFJDSF /snorts

-

the end credits and the song i just wanna bawl my eyes out

i loved this so much and i’m so glad it was GOOD

i loved that they added so many people of colour. in the book i imagined crowley played by alexander siddig (star trek: deep space 9 era) but i guess david tennant makes a pretty good crowley too

i’m trying not to be upset that my favourite scene with the dove and aziraphale’s affectionate use of “dear” was taken out

but 

this was damn good regardless. even gayer in places than in the book

-

this nightingale song is my new favourite song

i never got the reference before

“and as we kissed and said goodnight, an nightingale sang in berkeley square:

GAY

SO GAY

i love

-

the end of the credits “For Terry”

ACTUAL OUT LOUD SOBBING

TERRY YOU WOULD’VE LOVED THIS

NEIL DID YOU PROUD

-

oh this was so beautiful

i’m gonna watch it again with my family probably within the week. i’m so emotionally tender now

azIRAPHALE WAS SO FLUFFY AND CROWLEY WAS SO NICE ABOUT THE BOOKS

ugh i love them more than ever

anathema...... i don’t know if i relate to her, want to be her, look up to her, want her to mentor me, live with her, or find her attractive. maybe all of the above. but she was freaking PERFECT. PE R F E CT 

the casting was so... just right. thank you casting people for anathema.

like... i also didn’t mind the newt/anathema thing so much now. it was hard to tell in the book how much of a relationship they had after, but that smile she gave while lying in bed the morning after, that worked, it said a lot. and i like that it was her choice to burn the prophecy sequel rather than newt’s suggestion

gabriel was amusing. like.. i’m glad he wasn’t in the book. but he was great here. also really like michael and uriel. uriel was so damn beautiful.

i also would really have liked to see a mention of the fact crowley and aziraphale are both agender and potentially asexual. not even a hint of it here. buuuuuut it guess i know from the book. so.

my favourite episode was of course episode 3 with crowley and aziraphale’s 6000 year backstory. especially the 1940s bit where crowley saved the books <3

this show was was less confusing than the book too. ugh it was done so well

OH

we didn’t see where the soldier guy went when aziraphale zapped him away!!! in the book he reappeared safely back home and went out to see his family. to be fair i don’t know whether he died and went to heaven, but it was a nice thing to happen

and they took out the Them’s bully/rival gang, who was led by the third baby from the baby swap, and who won awards for his tropical fish. at least that’s what i remember. which meant the parallel about heaven/hell being rival gangs was lost here. but the parallel between the horsemen and the them was stronger than ever and i loved that.

look, i mean, 10 out of 10, EASY.

favourite thing? yes. yes, absolutely.

--

shoutout to the one time i wrote a Good Omens/Destiel crossover fic The Angel Cake Challenge

IT’S 04:02am THIS TOOK ME 12 HOURS

04:40am AND FORTY MINUTES TO EDIT

congrats if you made it to the end of this!!! thank you for reading <3 AND GO WATCH THE SHOW IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY

[buffster]

The Yoko Factor (BTVS 4.20)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

All I remembered about the Scooby fight was that it happened. I had forgotten how, and I actually do think it makes more sense now. It wasn’t about their friendship, it was about attacking each of their insecurities and making them feel that everyone else in the group had noticed them too. This was possible because the friendship has been so fractured that no one feels supported or even seen. They have no reason not to think they’re being judged. 

Unfortunately, the resolution to all this never really comes around. There is a ton of good stuff here--Buffy’s increased reliance on herself, Willow’s moving away from her computer skills and into witchcraft as a solution to everything, Xander not feeling respected and seeing Anya as an extension of that, Giles losing his sense of leadership and importance--but we never really get an acknowledgement of any of that until much later. And the real problem that Spike landed on--that the Scoobies aren’t paying a bit of attention to one another--gets a quick patch over but continues to be a problem. Yes, Buffy isn’t judging Willow, but is that a good thing or just a symptom of her ignoring her entirely?  

Spike is the one who comes up with this plan to incite drama, which I do feel makes sense for his character. He’s insightful and incredibly good at stuff like this. It’s also fun to see his perspective on Buffy and how fascinated/afraid of her he is. He keeps insisting to Adam that he needs to consider her a bigger threat. You can sense the admiration beneath the irritation. 

Adam: You feel smothered. Trapped like an animal, pure in its ferocity, unable to actualize the urges within… Clinging to one truth like a flame struggling to burn within an enclosed glass… That a beast this powerful cannot be contained. Inevitably it will break free and savage the land again… I will make you whole again. Make you savage.

This is the episode in which Forrest is killed. He claims his problem with Buffy is that Riley is willing to commit treason over her and turn against their “family”. I would have loved to see some more backstory on Forrest: either have him be an orphan who found his family through Riley and now he feels abandoned or have him have a romantic interest in him. Then you could even have had him join Adam willingly as a way to get his family back. 

Angel’s return also doesn’t fit into the story well. I covered over in Sanctuary why his coming here made no sense, and his drama with Riley was nothing but fan-baiting. It also felt like a bit of a step back for Angel’s character; he always seems less mature over on Buffy. On Angel he seems sad but resigned to the fact that he can’t have Buffy and she comes off as wanting more than he can give. But here he seems like a petty, jealous ex. I don’t see a scenario where he would like Riley, but beating him up, refusing to explain he’s not evil, and insinuating he might have slept with Buffy is ridiculous. The end scene where he says “I don’t like him” in a tone of resigned sadness makes more sense than everything before it.  

Buffy: Look, I… you weren't entirely wrong, what you said in L.A. We don't live in each other's worlds anymore. I can't just barge in on yours and make judgments.

Angel: I'm still sorry.

Buffy: Thank you.

Xander is the one who gives Riley the information on what turned Angel evil. Why does he have this habit of venting inappropriately when it comes to Buffy’s boyfriends (here, and when he tells Dawn Spike tried to rape Buffy)? In the script Xander decides to tell Riley even though it’s clear Buffy doesn’t want him to know, but in the episode it plays like Xander accidentally spilled the beans. 

As far as Buffy’s decision on this, I get it. It’s a bit easier for Willow, for example, to be totally honest with Tara about her past with Oz. She loved him, the wolf thing became a problem, he left. Angel will always hold power over Buffy and she will always have feelings for him, and basically the only reason they’re not together is because they can’t be. How do you tell a boyfriend that if your ex suddenly became human you’d be tempted to run right back into his arms? It’s unresolved and messy. 

Riley: I went a little nuts, you know? I mean, on the one hand, I should believe in us. But, on the other, sometimes things just happen between ex's and then I saw he was bad

Buffy: He wasn't bad.

Riley: Seriously? That's a "good" day? Well there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain and girls really-

After their talk they say I love you to each other and then Buffy has to tell him about Forrest. He abruptly leaves, and the cliff-hanger is that he goes to Adam.

Let’s get in to the Scooby drama. It’s clear Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles haven’t been paying much attention to each other lately, but you know who has been paying attention? Spike. 

Spike: Think you're neglecting the past tense there, Rupert. Besides, she barely listened when you were in charge. I've seen the way she treats you.

We’ve seen a few hints that Giles is insecure about losing his job as librarian and, more importantly, Watcher. He was fired way back in season three, but when Buffy belonged to the Council she continued to look to him for guidance and ignored the replacements. When she decided to drop the Council and stop taking orders she also stopped looking to him. She’s the leader now. 

Xander: This is so like them lately. It's all about them and the college life. You know what college is? It's high school without the actual going to class. Well, high school was sort of like that too but the point is, I'm the one working hard to earn a living and it's a huge joke to them.

Anya: They look down on you.

Xander: And they hate you…

Anya: But they don't look down on me.

Xander is struggling to find his footing post-high school, which we actually have seen hints of throughout. The ironic part is Buffy and Willow will be in the same place after college, but by then Xander is finding a place in construction and doing a bit better. Spike suggests they mentioned him going to the military, which was a strange choice. It would be fairly easy for them to shut down having ever said that if it came up. Spike only gets away with it because the fight is so chaotic. 

Willow: I am a whiz!

Tara: She is a whiz.

Willow’s insecurity is about her new relationship with Tara and her friend’s feelings about it. Spike slips up here; he says Xander said she was being trendy but Xander doesn’t even know about the relationship at this point. Spike points out something interesting here--Willow isn’t as focused on her computer skills lately. But that’s not something she or anyone else will be concerned about for awhile. 

Spike doesn’t say anything to Buffy, which makes sense because she’s sort of the center of this whole universe. Buffy has a lot of concerns, but her friends not liking or needing her isn’t one of them. The interesting thing about all this drama is that none of the friends care a bit about what the others are going through; they’re too focused on their own drama. Buffy and Willow don’t think about Xander’s employment issues, Buffy and Xander don’t think about Willow’s sexual preferences or her obsession with wicca, and Buffy, Xander, and Willow don’t think about Giles’ lack of employment in any real way.

Tensions escalate when they all convene at Giles’ house because everyone is overly sensitive (Buffy is totally lost). 

Giles: You never train with me anymore. Adam's gonna kick your ass.

Buffy: Giles?!

Giles: Sorry! Didn't mean to be so honest. Terribly sorry.

After seeing Forrest die, Buffy isn’t eager for anyone to come along with her. And that just further taps into their feelings of inadequacy. 

Xander: And if I did join the army I'd be great. You know why? Because maybe they'd give me a job that couldn't be done by any well-trained Border Collie.

Willow: Sure, you'd be wonderful in the army -- you think the umbilical cord between you and Anya would stretch that far?

Xander: I knew it. I knew you hated her.

Willow: Hey, I'm not the one being judgmental, here. I'll leave that territory to you and Buffy.

Buffy: Judgmental? If I was any more open minded about the choices you two make my whole brain would fall out.

Xander: Oh. And superior. Don't forget that. Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you can be all superior.

Buffy: Guys, stop this. What happened to you today?

Willow: It's not today. Buffy, everything's been wrong for a while. Don't you see that?

Buffy: Willow, what do you mean things have been wrong? Things don't have to be wrong, do they?

A major problem with the Scooby friendship is that Buffy is the leader--and she is both too distracted and too inclined to ignore emotional issues to lead effectively. Buffy is an avoidance type and so the entire group avoids talking or working through their feelings with each other. This is something Giles noticed in Once More With Feeling but it never gets fixed. The group is missing someone like Faith or Spike...someone who would be more willing to call out issues and bring them out in the open. Buffy hates that, but sometimes it’s necessary. Just look what happened to everyone in season six...

Character Notes:

The Initiative: They want Riley back. They (correctly) realize they can’t harm Buffy if they ever want to bring him back into the fold. When the relationship between them ends they do eventually lure him back, so good call there.

Spike: We learn he can’t even point a useless gun with the chip in his head. It appears to be activated by intent to harm rather than ability, which makes sense. He lists his past fun night outs as deflowering a virgin princess, killing a minister mid-sermon, and seeing the Sex Pistols in ‘76. 

Adam: His favorite Beatles song is ‘Helter Skelter’. 

[shkspr]

The Gospel according to David and Michael

transcribed from [x]

Good Omens, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s darkly comic novel about the battle between good and evil, comes to Amazon Prime this spring. To mark the occasion, the British stars of this hugely anticipated show  — Michael Sheen and David Tennant  — take New York in style. HAYLEY CAMPBELL meets them.

It’s Sunday morning in New York City and it’s snowing outside the warm, jazz-filled Beekman hotel, where a 50th-birthday balloon has been trapped for months at the apex of the glass atrium at the top of one of the city’s first skyscrapers. One thousand New Year’s Eve balloons have risen and fallen in the time this one silver balloon has taken to not die. If the apocalypse were to arrive tomorrow, this balloon would survive along with the cockroaches, the deep-sea fish, and the angel and the demon who tried to avert the disaster. If the prophecies of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s cult novel Good Omens prove to be correct, this balloon would bob high above their heads as it is doing now — above Michael Sheen and David Tennant, light and dark, good and evil, an angel and a demon sitting either side of me in lower Manhattan, eating eggs.

I last saw these two together in 2017, in the middle of London’s Battersea Park, shooting some early scenes of their hugely anticipated television show. Good Omens is about the birth of Satan, the coming of the End Times, and an angel (Aziraphale — who has been living on Earth since the dawn of creation and is currently working in a bookshop avoiding selling books because he really just likes to collect them) and a demon (Crowley — who used to be known as Crawly, the snake who tempted Eve with the apple). The pair have spent so much time on earth that they’ve come to quite like it, and don’t much fancy the idea of it all ending. The novel was published in 1990 and has gone on to become so loved that it is rare to see a pristine copy in the world: copies of Good Omens almost always come pre-dunked in tea. Shortly before his death from Alzheimer’s in early 2015, Pratchett wrote an email to his collaborator Gaiman asking him to take it to the screen, to do it properly. “I’m making it for Terry,” says Gaiman. “I wanted to make the thing that Terry would have liked.”

Sheen and Tennant star as the angelic and demonic representatives of their respective head offices, Heaven and Hell, along with a knee-weakening list of stars including Jon Hamm as the archangel Gabriel, Spinal Tap’s Michael McKean as the last of a once proud witchfinder army, and Frances McDormand as the voice of God. There’s Miranda Richardson, Jack Whitehall, three quarters of the League of Gentlemen, and Nick Offerman as the father of the Antichrist (sort of). The cast list reads like someone collecting acting talent to put on an ark ready for a biblical flood.

For months, we have tried to get them together again to talk about the end of the world. But life and work had them circling the globe separately, unmatchable as opposing magnets. Sheen is currently in New York filming The Good Fight, in which he plays a Machiavellian lawyer, and Tennant has flown in on the red-eye from Phoenix, Arizona, where he was appearing at the Ace Comic Con, mobbed by Doctor Who fans. Both of them have, since they last saw each other, grown beards. Tennant is ecstatic about the beards, and both are thrilled to see each other, and New York, again.

“I’ve spent a lot of time in New York over the years now,” says Sheen. “But still there’s times where you look at something and you think it just looks so incredibly beautiful, or strange, or filmic. It never loses that sense of unreality. I love being able to take it in by walking through the streets. Los Angeles feels like everything happens indoors, whereas here in New York, everything happens outdoors.”

“I do like New York,” adds Tennant. “I love a big city, and I love a busy city.”

Tennant and Sheen have bumped into each other before, both appearing in Stephen Fry’s 2003 film Bright Young Things, but they were never in the same scene. Sheen voice a character in an episode of Doctor Who written by Gaiman, but by then Tennant’s Doctor had regenerated. They tend to go for similar roles so there’s rarely a chance for them to both be cast — it’s usually one or the other. Gaiman, the author and showrunner of Good Omens, selected Sheen for the role. “I’ve known Michael for about a decade and one of the things that always impressed me about him was his goodness,” he says. “He’s just very good. He radiates goodness and lovability. I was always fascinated by the fact that he tends to play characters who, at least on the outside, are sort of brittle and perhaps a little damaged or dangerous.”

Selecting an actor to play the BMW driving, skinny-jeans-wearing demon was an equally tricky task. “For David, I was writing episode three and there is a scene set in a church. I had to bring Crowley on and suddenly I knew exactly how I needed that scene to be done in order to work: with him coming down the aisle hopping from foot to foot, going ‘ow ow ow ow ow!’ like he’s at the beach in bare feet. Only David Tennant could do that right. People seemed baffled when it was announced that they were cast because they’re a similar kind of actor, but the similarities between them felt so incredibly right when you’re building this kind of thing.”

Tennant and Sheen joke that when the theatre production of Good Omens (hold your horses, there isn’t one) travels the world, they will swap roles every night, even though Sheen says he couldn’t imagine it the other way around: “Ultimately I don’t think I can pull off cool,” he says, as Tennant scoffs in disbelief. “I think it just suits my natural being, that I’m kind of a worrier, and a little bit too anal for my own good. Things annoy me if they’re not quite right. And yet I like to think of myself as being a good person. So all of that hypocrisy and finickiness seems to lend itself to the natural rhythm of Aziraphale.”

“I love that you describe Crowley as cool,” laughs Tennant. “I think he thinks he’s cool, but isn’t.”

Tennant is adamant that having Gaiman as a showrunner is the pin that is holding this strange world together, one that is “tonally sort of nebulous”, but definitely very funny, and one that would benefit from a bingewatch to take it in all at once (all six episodes will be available on Amazon at once and later the BBC will broadcast them week-by-week). “I think if anyone else was running this they would’ve normalised it, would’ve made it saner, and would’ve ironed out some of the quirks of it,” he says. “Neil’s been fantastically clever at making it televisual where he had to, but it still has the madness, the impracticality of the book.”

Plus, there’s the fact that Gaiman is 50 per cent of the book. Because of that, his casting choices landed a little more softly in the world of Good Omens fandom. But Sheen and Tennant aren’t too worried about being unwelcome: they have in their short time as Aziraphale and Crowley discovered that Good Omens fans may be devoted to the point of madness (the cosplay and pornographic fan fiction has already begun), but they are certainly kind. “I have found that Neil’s work is almost like the Arthurian sword in the stone,” says Sheen. “You can only pull the sword out if you are pure of heart. And I think you only like Neil’s stuff if there’s something about you that means you won’t be mean to people on the whole.”

“I think that’s true of Doctor Who fans as well,” says Tennant. “If your mind is set in that way, then you have a generosity of spirit. And there’s quite an overlap between the two fandoms.”

They seem almost wistful until I bring up the airfield. Days after filming during a cold snap in Battersea Park, where we huddled like penguins around glowing heaters in tents, production moved to an airfield outside London where they had built a fake Soho to house Aziraphale’s bookshop. It was the place that changed everyone’s idea of what ‘cold’ actually meant, but it also became the ultimate green room of all time. Both of them look wide-eyed at the mention of the place, for both reasons.

“That blasted airfield! It was blasted in every sense of the word,” says Tennant. “But the great joy was you had all the cast together at once. Between takes we had this big trailer where they would blast the heaters and we’d go and recover.”

“We’d drink hot chocolate, tell stories, and watch TV,” beams Sheen, who says the thing he misses most about the UK is the fact that he can mention The Flumps and people actually know what that is.

“But the only TV channel that would work was some version of Turner Classic Movies,” says Tennant. “Ancient old movies on a loop. Michael McKean would just sit there telling us stories about people he knew or about some sort of terrible Hollywood lifestyle they’d once lived.”

Though it took months to get them both in the same room in the same city, it is a genuine treat to see Sheen and Tennant together. They seem to prop each other up, to fill the space where the other is not, in both acting and conversing. Neither steps on the other’s toes. Above all, they seem to have a deep respect for one another. “It genuinely made me sad when we stopped filming,” says Sheen. “I didn’t want to not be doing it any more.” Good Omens makes you wonder why nobody thought of putting them together sooner. It is the strangest buddy story so far, the one just before the end of the world, starring the most unlikely pals who for some reason quite like each other — mostly because they’ve just been posted here a bit too long by their superiors so they have more in common with each other than they do with Heaven or Hell — and, crucially, quite like us. It’s the kind of thing that makes you believe the world is worth saving.

[inactivepersonnnnnn]

Uneven Evan was released what r ur thoughts

(First of all I'm really sorry for responding like a day late, I had so much I wanted to type XD)

Whoo boi, I really enjoyed it! I've got a whole lotta things I want to say about it and so here's my analysis (is that the correct word?) on Uneven Evan!

(Why did I do this I've never analysed anything in my life—)

STORY

Pros

The story was simple and I think it's a really nice way of demonstrating the struggles of keeping balance in our lives.

The story and dialogue were well written. The dialogue between Evan and Drew didn't feel awkward or anything. It all seemed natural and it really helped to establish what kind of personality they have.

What I really liked was the bartender scene. She actually looked concerned for Evan and even offered him a job which was really nice. I'm glad you guys didn't make her throw him out of the bar or something. It's just really nice.

Also, I found the use of fire and ice pretty clever since the characters mention the words "burnout" and "chill" a lot.

The dialouge and the events in the story felt very realistic. The way the characters acted and how the events in the story moved together was just really great and I enjoyed it a lot.

Cons

There's only one thing that really confuses me. The bartender tells Evan that it's a Wednesday afternoon but when he goes out onto the street, it's dark and the lampposts are on.

Though, he could've stayed for quite a while in the bar (in which case, props to the bartender for being so nice to him) and then went out later in the day. I don't know.

VISUALS

Pros

First things first, the animation is really smooth. Just like II, it doesn’t feel like a bunch of assets put together with different poses. The characters and their enviornment feel alive.

The transitions have to be one of the smoothest ones I've seen. The Dr. Fizz can being slammed against the desk and transitioning to the title card was a really nice effect. The transitions in the montage were also really great too. The transition from him running to playing video games is INCREDIBLY smooth and I don't know how Adam did it.

I really love the small touches they added in every animation Adam makes because it makes everything feel alive. The most obvious ones were the separate, small bounces in the character's hair whenever they move and the movement of the jaw whenever they talk (mainly because those were seen in Adam's stream).

My personal favourite touches have to be the fact that Evan was drooling right before he woke up & the juice going out of the strawberry when he cuts it during the montage.

It amazes me how much attention to detail there is in each of Adam's works. I mean—in the shot where he tries to purchase the video game they actually added details about it. A short description of the game's there and the makers of the game are "Icy Hot Gaming". It fits with Evan's struggle to find the balance between work and play.

You can also notice at the start that there's a gaming controller, cook book, martini glass, and running shoes on the shelf. Later in the montage, Evan goes on a run, plays video games, goes out to a bar and bakes a cake.

I also really like the use of colours in the animation. It in my opinion helps highlight each extreme & just helps tell the story really well. I also noticed that natural lighting from Evan's lights or the sun affect the lineart while the highlights from the extremes don't. Idk, just seemed like a fun thing I noticed.

The character designs are good as well. Each character stands out in their own way & you can pretty much tell who it is by their silhouette (something I believe Adam has mentioned a couple times when giving tips on making characters).

The expressions were also really good, they conveyed the emotions clearly and it was very entertaining to see all the goofy expressions Evan had.

It's also really nice that although it's really different, to me at least it feels nostalgic. I guess it could be the cans of Dr. Fizz littered around the film but I'd like to think that it was thanks to the visuals overall. The animation definitely has Adam's style of course, but I didn't realise why it felt like I knew that universe even though I had only seen a glimpse of it.

I eventually realised that the people who worked on the visuals for the film also do the visuals for Inanimate Insanity. And, I realised that when watching this, you aren’t really going into a completely new universe alone. There’s some sense of familiarity that doesn’t make it feel out of place. It's just a great addition to the channel despite the fact it's very different from II.

Cons

I noticed a lot of minor errors in Uneven Evan's visuals. I'll list them the order I found them.

The screen constantly switches between being filled with notifications to only having two.

Magic disappearing rug and door handle.

Magic disappearing bread.

The shelf is empty in every shot except the one with the controller, martini glass, etc.

The cracks in Evan's eyes disappeared in this one shot.

The chair that Evan was sitting on at the beginning of the flim disappeared.

The trashcan magically becomes less filled and gains a lid & the placement of the trash keeps changing.

The crack in the wall is also seen once & never appears again. The couch's cushion also magically teleports beside it.

The glass of water on the table disappears.

Also, a chunk of the top part of the sofa is missing in the beginning but in other shots the top part of the sofa is fine.

But, the errors are minor. They don't really take away from the story and most aren't even that noticeable. All of these are the types of mistakes even high budget cartoons make XD. The visuals are still really clean and work together with the audio to produce the story Uneven Evan aims to tell.

AUDIO

Pros

Speaking of audio, I really enjoyed the voice acting, sound effects, and music in Uneven Evan.

The voice acting was really good. I don't believe I've heard the voice actors of Uneven Evan before this??? (besides the bartender) Either way, they did an incredibly great job. The voices fit the characters very well and the amount of emotion they convey in their voices is just really good.

The sound effects and music were also very fitting and overall just helped the film become alive.

The sound effects for the Dr. Fizz can and the keyboard are really well done. I had to do a double take because the keyboard sounds actually feel like they match what Evan's typing (even though they don't).

The music was really good. I loved the music for the outro and credits.

Cons

This is me being picky but the only thing that really bugs me with the sound is that (at least to me) it sounds like Evan is getting the coin earlier than he actually is. Aside from that, all the audio is clear and everything each character says is easy to understand.

Overall, Uneven Evan is a really good watch. I showed it to my family and they really enjoyed it (something Inanimate Insanity failed to do for some reason). The story is really good and something everyone can relate to. Plus, it's actually very realistic considering the fact that Evan chilling out started off as something good then went to the extreme.

(Plus I really love the fact that it's called Uneven Evan & the entire short was Evan finding balance between work and play)

Uneven Evan was extremely well made and it makes me excited for what Adam & the others come up with next whether it be Inanimate Insanity episode 14 or something totally new.

Props to everyone who worked on it! :D