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xxmisty · 4 years

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My Big Humiliating Torchwood Confession - Part 1 :P

Warning: this will be a LONG post, and i’m sorry about that!

Lucy is sat opposite me asking me repeatedly if I’ve started typing yet because she knows how desperately i’m putting off making this post!!1

This is awful, this is.... probably the most embarrassingly intimate confession i’ll have made since the day I opened up about my fetish way back at the start of 2013. And on the surface of it it probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but IT IS TO ME! And a big chunk of the trauma i’m about to express is tongue in cheek but it’s genuinely been - and continues to be - a huge bundle of DISTRESS AND HUMILIATION AND UTTER RESENTMENT!!! Because this year has been.... one hell of a personal journey and i don’t even mean anything to do with the pandemic.

It all started on New Year’s Day. I was feeling horrendously ill; the miraculous medication that had started to give me my life back had run out and thanks to the festive postal delays my new lot hadn’t arrived yet. I was in agony, I had a horrible headache, I felt sick and I could hardly move. We spent the day watching a bunch of muppet stuff, and that night we watched the first ep of season 12 of Doctor Who and, y’know, it was a pretty damn good episode (plus thirteen in the suit.... fuuckkk)

So afterwards we started having a discussion about Chris Chibnall - we’ve long held criticisms about some of his writing (not all of it, but it’s a mixed bag) and Lucy told me I still hadn’t seen his worst writing because that was for Torchwood...

Which I had never seen. Which I had been desperately trying not to see, although I didn’t know why. I just always had this vibe like a big “NO ENTRY!” sign at the idea of ever watching it. It’s not as though I had a logical reason for it, it’s not like I’d read up about it and thought, ‘naahhhhhh, I don’t fancy watching that’. I just had a big WARNING sign in my head, telling me not to go there.

Several years ago Lucy made me watch the first episode (after i’d been avoiding her threats of showing it to me for like 2 years) and like... it wasn’t horrible? It wasn’t... great either... but it didn’t kill me. Then a couple of years ago she showed me Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang because we were having a big Runaways phase so she wanted to show me an episode with James Marsters in. Again, it didn’t kill me. It wasn’t horrible. But I still had those big NO ENTRY!!! signs up in my head. I was still trying desperately to avoid actually being shown Torchwood as a show.

And the the new year happened and I was too WEAK AND DEFENCELESS to know what was happening when Lucy and I cuddled up in bed that night. I was too sick to really comprehend what she was doing or to fight back when she announced she was going to show me the very worst of Chris Chibnall’s writing... and put on Day One followed by Cyberwoman.

Oh. My. God.

All day I had been in a state of physical agony. Suddenly my mental and emotional state was far, FAR worse!!! The sex gas alien was bad enough, then by the time she put on Cyberwoman my brain was trying to shut down. I used to suffer blackouts and, god, I kept blacking out all the way through it, and instead of being her usual loving, wonderful self she KEPT FORCING ME TO COME ROUND TO WATCH IT!!!

By this point it was gone midnight and I was in a state of utter distress!! This was the worst double helping of tv I had ever sat through in my life and I sat up and let forth a tirade of absolute distress! This, I decided, had to be the reason I’d been avoiding Torchwood. Because it was more like.... Torurewood :P

Yep, that had to be it. Couldn’t possibly be anything worse, could it?

At least now lucy had shown me those two terrible Chibnall eps I would NEVER EVER HAVE TO WATCH THEM AGAIN. Or ANY Torchwood episodes. Yes, my ordeal was over. Had to be.

Nope. We went back to bed and she put on Out if Time. And i’ll admit, the story was much stronger but goddddd I had issues with the endings! And my level of despair started to rise even higher. I HATED Torchwood! This was the most distressing night’s viewing ever and I just wanted to go to sleep and be done with it all! Lucy put one more episode on afterwards: They Keep Killing Suzie. And that was much better but halfway through we finally fell asleep - so surely my trauma was over with.

Nope.

I had horrible nightmares of a very thirsty Gwen coming onto me all night, over and over again and it was HORRIBLE!!! Like, you have no idea how distressed I was! And when I woke up I blamed lucy whole-heartedly and she very sympathetically laughed at my plight!

But yeah. My trauma was over. No more Torchwood. I’d suffered the night from hell. Now it was time to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and move on! My medication arrived that day, I started work on some new pet portraits and life went back to normal.

Until that night, when I saw the telltale sign of Lucy putting a video on and turning her iPad around and then there they were - the opening titles of Torchwood - and I wanted to jump out the boat and into the canal and swim as far away as possible!!!

But the episode she put on was Fragments. She said she wanted to show me Chris Chibnall’s finest episode. And y’know what? It was really pretty fucking good. And god, I was fURIOUS about that!!! When we went to bed she pulled a real double whammy though by putting on Adam - which became instantly one of my favourite episodes of ANYTHING, EVER. And I looked at my wife, shook my head, sighed and told her, ‘nice save, Lucy... nice save...’

Over the next couple of weeks we also had a major Doctor Who rewatch and revisited most of the New Who era, and - to my mixed feelings - she dotted various other episodes of Torchwood in around them. I was conflicted - after the Adam and Fragments double bill I was no longer in brain-screamy hatred territory. I did however keep having flashbacks to that godawful night. Plus i’d had several further nightmares about a thirsty Gwen and I did NOT like it! But by a couple of weeks into January I’d seen a fair bit of Torchwood. Some of them twice.

Around this same time I’d started back in testosterone after not being able to afford it for the last 3 years. And then I started to notice I was getting some..... urghhhhhh..... unusual... and very uncomfortable feelings... about certain.... things... and characters.

And I started falling headlong into a great big gay panic :P

And here’s where the whole story becomes a HELL of a lot more embarrassing so i’m going to put it under a read more :P

Did ya click on that read more? Wh-why? there’s nothing to see here... especially not a long tale of shame and distress :P ugggghhhhhhh ok, FINE;

Basically there were two things happening at the same time. One was that I started to feel something I hadn’t felt in two decades. When I was a kid/teen we didn’t have the phrase ‘hyperfixation’ so I just called them obsessions. I always had obsessions, at any given point there was always this ONE THING that was my entire life. i lived it, breathed it, became it. It was my whole world, my whole personality, my focus, my lifeline. 9 times out of 10 it would be a tv show. Between the ages of 12 and 15 I would generally change my obsession about once a month. There were several ‘usual suspects’ that would cycle around over and over - Red Dwarf, The Brittas Empire, Sonic the Hedgehog, Halfway Across the Galaxy, Parallel 9, Out of this World...

late in 1995 I became obsessed with The X Files and - bizarrely - that obsession just ran and ran. I was so used to my obsession changing around once every month that it was bizarre to still be absolutely hyperfixated on it almost 9 months later. And then, in June 1996, my longest ever obsession took its place, a little known uk fantasy show called Bugs.

That... was my longest running obsession. And oh my god, was I ever obsessed with it. I have no idea how that one obsession kept going for 3 years. i’m sorry this is particularly wordy but this is kind of personal and I want to explain this right.

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll probably known that one of the most defining moments of my life happened in the summer of ‘98. My cousin’s husband sexually assaulted me and my life spiralled into total despair. While that night was bad enough, the slow breakdown I went through over the course of the year that followed was harder to recover from. And eventually I came out the other side to some degree but i’d lost my love of three things that made me the person I was: writing, drawing and being obsessed. All three were so closely entangled with that night and surviving afterwards that it changed something that had always been a fundamental part of me.

I was no longer able to feel obsession. To hyperfixate the way I previously had. It was like something was broken inside me. And that was like a loss unto itself. It was SUCH a big part of me. It had been the only way i’d survived years of depression when I was young. My obsessions were what kept me afloat.

In the last decade there are a few things that I called ‘obsessions’ and I thought were as close as I would ever get to the way I used to feel. I thought maybe it was because i’d ‘grown up’ (pah). That’s not to say that i wasn't thoroughly into Ashes to Ashes, FNAF and Homestuck, for example, because of course I was! I even called them obsessions, but there was something that just... wasn’t the same, no matter what I did.

And over time, I got back the other things I’d lost. I started writing my A2A fics in 2010 and Lucy helped me to start drawing again in 2018 and god, both times it was like finally having a piece of myself returned after so long! As for my ‘obsessions’, I just thought I wasn't able to feel the way I used to because I wasn’t a kid any more.

But then, I thought that about Christmas Eve too, and then lucy came into my life <3

Still, the last thing I was expecting was... for *those* feelings to start sneaking back in my life. Feelings I hadn’t been able to experience since the summer of 1998-9. And to my further distress I discovered that they were relating to a certain show that I’d had a traumatising introduction to on new year’s day...

Suddenly it was all I could think about; TORCHWOOD! TORCHWOOD! Aargghhhhh and yet I still hated it! It was still awful! And yet... at the same time... it was so goooooooood.... arghhhhh, every time we watched an episode there was a knife twisting in my guts, reminding me that I hadn’t even felt these feelings over things we’d been HUGELY into... the fandoms we’d met through, the fandoms we discovered together. Nope. It was Torchwood that brought back my ability to hyperfixate! And I have SO MANY ANGRY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!

And believe me, I kept thinking it was going to stop and go away BUT IT HASN’T! It’s only gotten worse! And as of yesterday Torchwood officially became my second longest obsession ever!!!

I. AM. FURIOUS!!!

It’s... urrghhhh I hate this fact but it’s almost like I have a crush on the *show*??!!! I... can’t explain it better than that??? It’s like, if I could throw Torchwood on the bed and make sweet, sweet love to it I would :P and yeah, i’m saying all of this tongue in cheek but i’ve had a fucking sky high libido ever since I went back on T (ohhhhh and believe me I am LOVING it!!! 💙💙💙) But it’s like... there are elements of Torchwood itself that are so fucking hot that I get.... reactions that I am SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED ABOUT for so many reasons deidjdhdggjhaaahhhhhhhhh

Lucy literally only has to say ‘Torchwood’ at me and I end up in a gibbering heap half the time - I am not even kidding!!!

This, however, is NOT the worst thing that happened as a result of Lucy making me watch this god damned show.

But honestly this post has gone on WAY too long already so i’m going to save that for part 2.

Oh god... my shame.... my total and utter shame....

To be continued :P

#torchwood #about me #me #obsessions #hyperfixation #moirspritmaterail blogging #Lucy is MEAN!!!#my posts

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no-sweat-boba-fett · 4 years

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17 Questions, 17 People

tagged by: @stabbymermaid, @abedsweaters, @goth-britta, @jabedalien, @deanlighful, and @wheresthewater (thanks!!)

name: i go by lola

zodiac: pisces i think

height: about 1.5 m

hogwarts house: look man i don’t know

song stuck in my head: dance alone by Tayla Parx, total bop imo

number of followers: 400ish

hours of sleep: 7

lucky number: 13! or 28 bc it’s one of the perfect numbers

wearing: running shorts + a black t-shirt that says ‘squaring is caring’ in bright purple. my boss made it himself and gave it to me for my birthday last year so i love it even though i’ll never wear it in public

favorite song: atm it’s probably 10% by KAYTRANADA or friday i’m in love by the Cure

favorite instrument: i can’t play it but the saxophone is really cool

favorite author: rn probably Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie or Marina + Sergey Dyachenko (also when i was a kid i loved Louis Sachar and Adam Rex)

aesthetic: ugh i’m too dumb to understand aesthetics. but i guess anything with summery vibes and vaporwave-ish?

favorite animal sound: cow noises

random: i just took a buzzfeed quiz that told me what picture of a frog in a hat i was 100% worth the time i encourage you to take it. i believe this is the best possible personality quiz available and tells you everything you need to know about yourself. 10/10 recommend please look it up

tagging @metallyill, @readandwritesilver, @abedmydear, @1mechanicalalligator, @figbian, and @abedkin (only if you want to) and if anyone else wants to do this you can say i tagged you!

#personal #text

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firesong-writes69 · 5 years

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I was tagged by @the-crimson-comedian a few days ago to do this introduction meme. Finally getting around to it (it’s been quite a suprisingly busy week for me).

Name: Nikki

II. Birthday: July 24th, 1997

III. Zodiac sign: Leo

IV. Height: 5′7″

V. Hobbies: Writing, Reading, Drawing, Pokemon (Go, watching the anime, playing the games etc), screaming into the void

VI. Favorite color: yellow, light blue

VII. Favorite books: Zodiac the Novel by Romania Russel, Matched by Ally Condie, The Loneliest Girl In The Universe by Lauren Iames, What if It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera, Ship It by Britta Lundin, We Are The Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson, The Inside of Out by Jenn Marie Thorne, Sabrina Banner and The Soul of a Sorcerer by Isabel Skowfoe

VIII. Last Song Listened to: “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo, “Don’t Call Me Angel” by Ariana Grande

IX. Last movie watched: Toy Story 4

X. Inspiration for muse: I enjoy writing stories that make people think and feel. I also try to include characters who are diverse in nature, and to include everyone when I can. I love writing things that provoke expressive reactions from my audience, and it helps me, as a writer, to evolve.

XI. Dream job: Author, preferably. Though I’m hoping to get a teaching job or a desk assistent at a radio station.

XII. Meaning behind your URL and tags: This used to be a blog where I uploaded my queer ramblings, and was hyper-fixated on a little web series called Carmilla for a while. But now I’m a writeblr, and I wanted to have a title that fit the theme.

I tag @nsanelyawkward, @sarmarble, @lordfenric, @llesbianwrites @heyabella, @tabbykatwrites, and @lacehiraeth (because they’re all pretty cool writeblr’s and you should give them a follow) :D

#writing #writeblr #ask meme #introduction

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toast-the-unknowing · 6 years

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*works up the courage to send an ask even on anon* Hi! Hello! I love your works, and it always excites me to see you update. And your stories are a constant re-read for me because they are so witty. (Do you have a particular favorite of yours that has been published?) Keep up the amazing writing!

Hi, doll! Gosh, thank you so much. I appreciate the courage that it takes to send someone a message, anon or no (even as I think of myself as the least intimidating person of all time)."Favorite" is a word that I have some trouble with, so this may be a longer and more convoluted answer than you intended to provoke. But, in my heart, I think of "favorite" as being the thing that brings the most joy, regardless of quality, and that's a difficult thing to quantify, because it's influenced by outside factors and changes over time.I hit a point with pretty much anything I write, when it's somewhere around 75-90% done, where I am sick to shit of it and think it's the worst garbage anyone has ever written. Sometimes I come back around while finishing it, sometimes I just go, "ugh, god, I need this to be done and over with" and I just post it. In that case, the fic is obviously not going to be my favorite in that moment -- but then if I read over it a day later (or sometimes, it has to be months later), I love it! So it's hard to say.Also, external factors come into play. Sometimes someone leaves a critical comment that makes a very valid point and I'm embarrassed, and that embarrassment means the fic doesn't bring me as much joy as it used to. Sometimes, a thing is too tied up in real life shit -- "an absolutely defining sense of self" was the fic that I wrote while going on long jogs every single day to disguise the fact that I had decided to end a serious romantic relationship and wasn't willing to admit it to myself or my partner, so I was trying to not be at home when he got home from work. So that's never going to be a "favorite" fic for me because it calls up a lot of sorrow and guilt and loss -- even though I think it's a really well written and funny story, and much better in terms of quality than its companion piece "the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it." Of the two, "the thing you mean to say" is my favorite.But, leaving aside those factors, and leaving aside concepts of "best" and "most skillful" and "most unique" and whatever other kind of nonsense qualifiers one is supposed to judge "literature" on, I have a handful of fics that feel very special and personal and wonderful to me, because I think of them less as me writing a story and more of me vomiting up a lot of feelings and thoughts and hopes and fears about an aspect of canon that is very important to me, and tricking people into reading all of that and thinking that it is a story. Those fics are:---every superhero has an origin story (which is all about Gus & Shawn's friendship, and my envy of friendship that survives the years)---The Quintuple Convergence Alternatives (Wendy and the Middleman's partnership, and my unresolved issues with both the pilot and the unfilmed finale of the show, and my overarching fondness for m/f platonic friendships)---The Visit (which is all of my heartbreak about the Sisko family as seen through the lens of The Visitor and What You Leave Behind)---The Science of Science Fiction (my deep love for Britta Perry with all of her flaws, and my feelings about Trekdom as a canon and a fandom, with all of its flaws)---new worlds for the weary, new lands for the living (my thesis statement on the Adam/Ronan romance, and more broadly my love for train wreck love stories, and my deep psychological fears about communication in relationships)So those fics are always going to be very special to me, regardless of whether at any given point in time I'm thinking about them, or if they're objectively the best things I've written -- they aren't (The Science of Science Fiction, in particular, could stand a solid proof read), and honestly I hope I just get better and better at writing and these get more and more outdated. But they'll always be special to me.As for things that bring me the most joy separate from those fics, at the moment I'm awfully fond of "faith, hope, all that bullshit," "Everybody Comes to Quark's," and "Loose Lips Sink Ships."

#gpoy #fandom

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somanypetals · 7 years

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ok ok ok. are you a spuffy fan? i feel like i've seen spuffy on yr blog and if that's not true then please ignore but i've been thinkin recently and i'm very interested in what you think/how you reconcile spike's attempted rape?? bc as a spuffy fan i love them together but i also can't ignore this part of their history in good conscience. was it ooc? was their relationship building to a horrible climax? i'm just very interested in what people think abt that writing decision

omg I’m sorry for taking so long to answer this, I wrote like half an essayand then firefox crashed and I got grumpy about it for a few days lol ;___;

anyway in short: do I ship it? yes. is my relationship with the shipcomplicated? fuck yes. can I reconcile the attempted rape? on a base level, no.on a character level, I am able to move past it but not look past it. on awriting level, I don’t reconcile it at all. was it ooc? yes and no,which is the interesting part

this got really long and I’m hoping that I can remember everything I wassaying before I had to start all over again (rip) but I’m sorry it got so longunder the cut

so I do still ship spuffy, but I have a really complicatedrelationship with it. I’ve shipped it since I was a tween, before I reallyunderstood the unhealthy parts of it (rape scene aside, which I was very clearon), and I’ve come to see those in a new light the past five or so years, butI’m still also someone who is very adamant about people being allowed to shipwhatever the fuck they want in fiction whether it’s unhealthy or not becauseit’s fiction, and at the end of the day I’m shipping something because I findit entertaining or interesting, not because it’s the paradigm of relationshipexamples. in fact most of the time it’s not, because I find most of thoserelationships boring on screen. so like, I do still ship it, but not the way Iused to?

anyway, was it ooc? in terms of mythology canon I don’tthink it was ooc at all. spike had no soul, he was at a base level evil. I don’t think this excuses theattempted rape at all, nothing excuses it or forgives it, but it does explain abit how the spike who dressed buffy’s hand wounds at the start of the seasonwas the same spike who flipped a switch and attempted to rape her near the endof the season. spike never became “good” when he had no soul, he was like aferal animal on a leash. he learnt to play relatively nice with others andbecame fond of some of his owners, but he still wasn’t cured and if you tookthe leash off at the end of the day he would have bitten them. yes, spike lovedbuffy in his own soulless way, but he still had a literal, animalistic demoninside him (we even see in angel in over the rainbow etc. what the actual demoninside vampires is like at its base level) and no soul to control it—only theintellectual knowledge that some actions would get him in buffy’s good booksand some would get him in buffy’s bad books and so he kept it under controlbecause he wanted her and he also wanted to not be killed by the scooby gang.again: this does not excuse the attempted rape at all. nothing forgives it. butlike, it does explain why buffy and many viewers are able to move past it. Idon’t think that on a mythology canon level it was ooc at all, I think thatpeople just forget that spike was stillevil when he was being nice to buffy or dawn or joyce. I think that’s partof the reason it’s so hard to piece together whether spuffy really could workor be good as a ship, because the show never separates spike with a soul fromspike without a soul the way they did with angel. with angel it’s so clearlytwo different people, but with spike it’s a muddy mess of the same thing and ifyou don’t write spike with a soul differently to how you wrote him withoutone—how are viewers supposed to forgive him for what he did?

was it ooc on a character level though? that’s a wholedifferent thing because that opens the can of worms of spike being ooc ingeneral. the spike we see in season four onwards is drastically different fromthe spike we see in season two, and I do think part of that is just plain oldcharacter development but I also think that part of that is due to them wantinga slightly different character when he became a regular? spike was almost woobified by his own writing team? I don’t thinkit’s anything like the character assassination of britta for example, and Iwouldn’t even call it character assassination, but I do think that at somepoint late during season three or early season four they decided they wanted aspike who was funnier, a bit more sympathetic, and a bit more worthy of being afan fave. it's less like character assassination and more like characteradaptation? I feel like they saw that james had this excellent comedicpotential and wanted to use that, and I’ve seen that with other characters onshows too. I think they had to bend spike a bit along the way to get the spikethey wanted and who they could have fun with. he went from spike the genuinelychilling villain, to spike the comedic relief, to spike the stalker, to spikethe coping mechanism, to spike the love interest…and it definitely wasn’t astraight line of development. they definitelyhad to bend the character along the way and lose some of what was thereoriginally and add some of what wasn’t there. and like, it’s not necessarily abad thing, like I fuckin love comic relief spike and I can totally understandwhy they might’ve been like “fuck this james guy is good we want more of that”,but I do think that on a character level they ended up with something that wasquite frequently messy. if you’ve taken this villain and woobified himyourself, then even if he is still evilit’s not surprising that people are surprised or find it ooc for him to attemptto rape buffy because they made him a puppy with a temper instead of a wolfwith a playful streak, and then suddenly his fangs come out again. andobviously to a degree that was the point of it, to remind viewers that he wasevil and he wasn’t good and buffy forgot that, the scoobies forgot that, everyoneforgot that, but at the same time if you woobify a character that much doesthat point land? or does it just become ooc? I think a spike in love with buffyand protecting dawn and getting flowers after joyce died could be consideredjust as ooc as a spike who attempted to rape buffy. he became a bit of a messycharacter if you really think about it for too long, and they never separatedhis soulless state from his soul-having state enough to keep track of it

so anyway, on a character level I’m able to move past itbecause I think at the end of the day…spike didn’t have a soul when it happenedand he was written kind of weirdly over the course of the show but I still likehim. I move past it as a viewer because I wantto move past it, and because I find the spuffy relationship interesting (yet Istill want more/better for buffy always? man, I said it was complicated hahah)

NOW, FROM A WRITING STANDPOINT

bullshit bullshit utter fucking bullshit.

why though? well apart from the reasons I’ve already mentionedabout kind of messy character writing and it being impossible to tell whichparts of spike are ooc or not…………the attempted rape scene was not about buffy,before during or after it happened

they wrote it as a gateway to spike’s redemption arc. theytraumatised their main character, this beautiful female character and one of mytop favourite characters of all time, to boost a man’s redemption arc, andthat’s just fucking awful and we’ve seen it too many times and buffy doesn’t deserver that bullshit.

now I don’t know whether there’s a solid answer on whetheror not spike went to that demon at the end of season six to get his soul or toget his chip removed, but it also like…doesn’t matter, lol? I personally alwaysread that scene as he went to get his chip removed so he could kill her, andthen the demon was like lol psych herehave a soul! which I think also makes it easier for me to move past theattempted rape, because then it didn’t literally lead to him choosing to go have a redemption arc andbecome a better man for her, but like a lot of people do read it the secondway. and either way!! it’s a crock of shit!!

not only did they put in this scene so they could kickstartspike’s redemption, instead of picking some other non-rape or non-violence againstbuffy related plot point to lead to him getting a soul, but then they sort ofmade it all about spike in season seven too?

they do address bits and pieces of buffy’s trauma afterwardsand how it impacted her, but way way too much of the focus was placed onspike’s guilt and spike’s wanting to fix it and how it impacted spike etc., sonot only did they have buffy almost raped to kickstart a man’s storyline, butthey barely focused on her trauma over the “trauma” of spike and that’sjust…fucking awful. like it makes me so mad and it makes me feel so gross.

as a writing decision I think it’s sexist, disgusting, lazyand unforgivable and the biggest fault with what is literally my favourite tvshow of all time lol (you wouldn’t think it is from this rant?? but it is?? andI like spike and ship spuffy??? god this is a mess) and I think it was probablythe worst fucking writing decision on all of buffy (and this is the show thatkilled tara, a literal lesbian angel)

and honestly……the fact that I am aware of and think it’s theworst writing decision possible almost makes it easier to move past from acharacter standpoint? because it was a bad writing decision, it takes some ofthe weight off of spike’s actions for me and I’m aware that it was stupid and grossand it would’ve been better if spike tripped and accidentally fell into a gravethat had a stray soul in it that he inhaled.

I don’t know if that makes sense, in fact I don’t know ifany of this makes sense…but it’s like: spuffy is interesting. to me they havechemistry, they have narrative and trope appeal (even though it wasn’tfulfilled, or wasn’t fulfilled right), they are two characters I likeindividually, and so…I continue to ship it and enjoy it despite the horriblefucking bad writing decisions that went down in season six. I know that evenwithout the attempted rape season or even without season six it’s still anunhealthy ship and it’s problematic (and I want better for buffy at the end ofthe day), but it is at a base level to me entertaining, and that’s what I likefrom my ships

god this is almost two thousand words I’m so sorry I have alot of thoughts and I had to rewrite half of this so it’s really, really scattered and confusing butlike…yes I ship it, no I don’t think the attempted rape was a good writingdecision, no I don’t excuse or forgive it but I do move past it

and in answer to what other people feel about the scene andship….it’s really divided lol, a lot of people feel like I do, a lot of peopleprefer bangel, a lot of people prefer spuffy, a lot of people can’t look pastthe rape at all, a lot of people look past the rape too easily, and a lot of people probably don’t know what to thinkor have no strong opinions lol

god

this is two thousand words I’m sorry

#Anonymous

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amorremanet · 8 years

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I got tagged by @a-mi-zivi

Rules: 1. Tell us your Top 10 characters from different fandoms. (…I limited myself to five, each. Except HP, because it was too hard. Dude, that was hard enough. All arranged alphabetically, not in order of preference or anything.)

2. Tag 10 people.

tagging: @bizeke @donttouchandrewminyard @derekslaura @gentlepromises @girlronanlynch @pansexualpoedamneron @gaylukeskywalkers @scarlettwitchery @saralanceing @bpdrussell & literally anyone else who wants to do it can just do it and blame me (and contrariwise, if I tagged you and you don’t want to do it, no pressure <3)

Community: Abed Nadir, Dean Pelton, Jeff Winger, Shirley Bennett, (my number five changes on a daily basis, usually between Troy, Annie, and Britta, but I can’t pick right now, so fuck it, I pick Annie Kim and Quendra with a QU)

DC: Cassandra Cain/Black Bat, Harley Quinn, Jason Todd/Red Hood, Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow, Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy

But honorable mention nods go to Dick Grayson/Nightwing, Koriand’r/Starfire, Raven/Rachel Roth, Renee Montoya/Question, Roy Harper/Speedy/Red Arrow, Stephanie Brown/Spoiler, Tim Drake/Red Robin, and Wonder Woman, and this list was hard for, “there are SO MANY CHARACTERS, THE FUCK” reasons.

And Sandman technically is a DC title, but whatever: Death, Delirium/Delight, Desire, Despair, and Dream/Morpheus of the Endless, tyvm

Good Omens: Adam “the Antichrist” Young, Anathema Device, Aziraphale, Crowley, Pepper (Pippin Galadriel Moonchild)

Harry Potter: Andromeda Black Tonks, Barty Crouch Jr., Cedric Diggory, Cho Chang, Hermione Granger, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Lavender Brown, Luna Lovegood, Pansy Parkinson, Percy Weasley, Remus Lupin, Zacharias Smith

Sirius Black and Severus Snape get to share honorable mention status because, even though they are actually in my top ten, I know that being on the same point would annoy the ever-living shit out of both of them. Which amuses me because I am easily entertained.

AlSev Potter and Scorpius Malfoy get to share a point because the ones I love are essentially headcanon, since my take on Cursed Child is, “*nods* Uh huh… that’s nice… I’m going to ignore like 99% of it, but okay, it’s nice”

Legit Honorable Mentions:

[this is where i’d list the Dumbledore family and Gellert but it’s Complicated and i can’t legit list them without needing to Discuss it, so let’s just not even bother today]

Bill Weasley

Charlie Weasley

Dean Thomas

Dolores Umbridge

(in a way where I absolutely despise her as a person, but I appreciate her presence in the story because she is, along with Barty Jr., the only fucking COMPETENT villain in the books.

Also, she’s the actual, “repulsive to the core but makes no excuses for it just like white male villains, does her own thing and fuck anyone who tries to stop her, self-determined and she has decided to be awful, feminist on a meta level where she’s terrible just to be terrible without any excuses being made for it” villain that so many people have tried to make out of Bellatrix, when…… lol no, Bellatrix is a total fucking joke, sorry ‘bout it.

Like, man, Umbridge sucks, but she enriches the story and presents an actual, credible threat that has any kind of internal consistency and isn’t just, “I read an entry on fascism in a children’s encyclopedia and made it an OTT cartoon caricature of itself and added some cult leader BS because of reasons or w/e, and named it Voldemort, lol” — I appreciate that, as a reader, even if JKR did it more by accident than anything)

Fleur Delacour

Gilderoy Lockhart

(I blame myself entirely for making up Kingsley/Lockhart headcanons and getting Defensive of him in the face of JKR’s ableism; I should’ve known better, because shit like literally always happens to me, but I did it anyway because I never fucking learn)

Harry Potter

Justin Finch-Fletchley

(……I have post-war headcanons. A lot of them. You probably don’t want to know them, though, bc they’re depressing as fuck)

Nymphadora Tonks

Parvati Patil

Regulus Black

Ron Weasley

Ted Tonks

Viktor Krum

and a whole bunch of characters who are basically headcanon because they are literally just names who do like one or two things and that's it

Hunger Games: Annie Cresta, Finnick Odair, Johanna Mason, Katniss Everdeen, Madge Undersee

Marvel: shit, I did this one last and I have to go to therapy, so this is basically, “the order in which they came to mind and I stopped at eight bc holy fucking SHIT, there are a lot of characters” — Erik/Magneto, Kurt “Nightcrawler” Wagner (my small blue Catholic mutant son <3), Sam, Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Ororo, and I feel like I should list someone else, but anyone who knows my usual type knows that Loki is exactly my type and I was all but doomed to be Loki trash. Which I am. Whoops. Sorry for my choices.

Sailor Moon: Fiore (……from the “Promise of the Rose” movie. ……I love my gay glam rock alien son), Tenoh Haruka/Sailor Uranus, Tomoe Hotaru/Sailor Saturn/Mistress Nine, Tsukino “Chibi” Usagi/Sailor Chibi Moon/Wicked Lady/Princess Usagi Small Lady Serenity/etc., Tsukino Usagi/Sailor Moon/Princess + Neo Queen Serenity/etc.

Star Trek (DS9): Captain Benjamin Lafayette “the rest of Starfleet are a bunch of slackers, has YOUR captain become space Jesus and saved the entire Alpha Quadrant lately” Sisko, Elim Garak, Julian Bashir, Kira Nerys, Tora Ziyal

Kasidy, Worf, Jadzia, General Martok, and Ezri get honorable mentions because this list was really hard to even whittle down to FIVE, but.

Star Wars and, “Star Trek (Everything But DS9)” were vetoed as categories because picking was hard and I didn’t feel like it.

Steven Universe: Amethyst, Connie Maheswaran, Garnet, Lapis Lazuli, Peridot

Yuri On Ice: Christophe Giacometti, Katsuki Yuuri, Lee Seung-Gil, Phichit Chulanont, Victor Nikiforov

Bonus — My Own Novel(s) bc Reasons: (also done before running to therapy) Sebastian, Pete, Josie, Margot, Lucy.

#memes for ts #fandom shenanigans #mine: memes #mine: shitposting #mine: personal #hi hello i'm trash glad we established that #i'll add better tags later if i need to okay bye i need to go to therapy

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krystisyaandwine · 8 years

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To celebrate the release of Elizabeth Brigg’s latest novel Future Threat, this AMAZING panel of authors played Author Truth or Dare and made all of us audience members laugh until we cried.

Erin Summerill was the hilariously ruthless moderator that made these ladies do things like spell the title of their book with their bottom, sing one of the blurbs from their books opera-style, reenact a kissing scene from their book with a mirror, and so MUCH more.

Between all the shenanigans we did get to learn about how Elizabeth Briggs uses a giant white board in her office to keep track of the giant timeline for her thrilling time-travel series. I can’t even imagine how complex that timeline has got to be!

We also found out what each of these amazing authors is working on at the moment.

Kathryn is working on book 3 in the Burning Glass series as well as a new super secret project. (YAY!)

Elizabeth is working on book 3 in the Future Shock series, which sounds like it will have even higher stakes than the first two books and will include some post-apocalyptic elements.

Tricia is working on the second book in the Daughter of the Pirate King duology, which we will hopefully find out the title of soon!

Erin is working on Ever the Brave, the second book in the Clash of Kingdoms series.

We naturally had a few YA and Wine members on the scene, and we all agreed that this was one of our favorite book events we’ve ever attended.

There were a couple other YA authors on the scene that have books releasing this year! Rosalyn Eves, author of Blood Rose Rebellion, was there and was nice enough to sign my ARC copy for me. Emily R. King, author of The Hundredth Queen, was also there and signed my copy, which was actually her first ever signature on an ARC copy of her book!

I was also the SUPER lucky winner of one of the night’s giveaways, an ARC copy of Crystal Blade, the sequel to Kathryn Purdie’s Burning Glass.

About the Books

Want to know more about the books by these authors, check out the descriptions below and add them to your Goodreads list!

Future Shock by Elizabeth Briggs

What do you do when the future is too late, and the present is counting down to an inevitable moment?

Elena Martinez has street smarts, the ability for perfect recall, and a deadline: if she doesn’t find a job before she turns eighteen, she’ll be homeless. But then she gets an unexpected offer from Aether Corporation, the powerful Los Angeles tech giant. Along with four other recruits—Adam, Chris, Trent, and Zoe—Elena is being sent on a secret mission to bring back data from the future. All they have to do is get Aether the information they need, and the five of them will be set for life. It’s an offer Elena can’t refuse.

But something goes wrong when the time travelers arrive in the future. And they are forced to break the only rule they were given—not to look into their own fates. Now they have twenty-four hours to get back to the present and find a way to stop a seemingly inevitable future—and a murder—from happening. But changing the timeline has deadly consequences too. Who can Elena trust as she fights to save her life?

The first book in an unforgettable series about rewriting your destiny in the city of dreams.

Burning Glass by Kathryn Purdie

Sonya was born with the rare gift to feel what those around her feel—both physically and emotionally—a gift she’s kept hidden from the empire for seventeen long years. After a reckless mistake wipes out all the other girls with similar abilities, Sonya is hauled off to the palace and forced to serve the emperor as his sovereign Auraseer.

Tasked with sensing the intentions of would-be assassins, Sonya is under constant pressure to protect the emperor. But Sonya’s power is untamed and reckless, and she can’t always decipher when other people’s impulses end and her own begin. In a palace full of warring emotions and looming darkness, Sonya fears that the biggest danger to the empire may be herself.

As she struggles to wrangle her abilities, Sonya seeks refuge in her tenuous alliances with the charming-yet-volatile Emperor Valko and his idealistic younger brother, Anton, the crown prince. But when threats of revolution pit the two brothers against each other, Sonya must choose which brother to trust—and which to betray.

Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

There will be plenty of time for me to beat him soundly once I’ve gotten what I came for.

Sent on a mission to retrieve an ancient hidden map—the key to a legendary treasure trove—seventeen-year-old pirate captain Alosa deliberately allows herself to be captured by her enemies, giving her the perfect opportunity to search their ship.

More than a match for the ruthless pirate crew, Alosa has only one thing standing between her and the map: her captor, the unexpectedly clever and unfairly attractive first mate, Riden. But not to worry, for Alosa has a few tricks up her sleeve, and no lone pirate can stop the Daughter of the Pirate King.

Ever the Hunted by Erin Summerill

Seventeen year-old Britta Flannery is at ease only in the woods with her dagger and bow. She spends her days tracking criminals alongside her father, the legendary bounty hunter for the King of Malam—that is, until her father is murdered. Now outcast and alone and having no rights to her father’s land or inheritance, she seeks refuge where she feels most safe: the Ever Woods. When Britta is caught poaching by the royal guard, instead of facing the noose she is offered a deal: her freedom in exchange for her father’s killer.

However, it’s not so simple.

The alleged killer is none other than Cohen McKay, her father’s former apprentice. The only friend she’s ever known. The boy she once loved who broke her heart. She must go on a dangerous quest in a world of warring kingdoms, mad kings, and dark magic to find the real killer. But Britta wields more power than she knows. And soon she will learn what has always made her different will make her a daunting and dangerous force.

The Hundredth Queen by Emily R. King

As an orphan ward of the Sisterhood, eighteen-year-old Kalinda is destined for nothing more than a life of seclusion and prayer. Plagued by fevers, she’s an unlikely candidate for even a servant’s position, let alone a courtesan or wife. Her sole dream is to continue living in peace in the Sisterhood’s mountain temple.

But a visit from the tyrant Rajah Tarek disrupts Kalinda’s life. Within hours, she is ripped from the comfort of her home, set on a desert trek, and ordered to fight for her place among the rajah’s ninety-nine wives and numerous courtesans. Her only solace comes in the company of her guard, the stoic but kind Captain Deven Naik.

Faced with the danger of a tournament to the death—and her growing affection for Deven—Kalinda’s only hope for escape lies in an arcane, forbidden power that’s buried within her.

In Emily R. King’s thrilling fantasy debut, an orphan girl blossoms into a warrior, summoning courage and confidence in her fearless quest to upend tradition, overthrow an empire, and reclaim her life as her own.

Blood Rose Rebellion by Rosalyn Eves

The thrilling first book in a YA fantasy trilogy for fans of Red Queen. In a world where social prestige derives from a trifecta of blood, money, and magic, one girl has the ability to break the spell that holds the social order in place.

Sixteen-year-old Anna Arden is barred from society by a defect of blood. Though her family is part of the Luminate, powerful users of magic, she is Barren, unable to perform the simplest spells. Anna would do anything to belong. But her fate takes another course when, after inadvertently breaking her sister’s debutante spell—an important chance for a highborn young woman to show her prowess with magic—Anna finds herself exiled to her family’s once powerful but now crumbling native Hungary.

Her life might well be over.

In Hungary, Anna discovers that nothing is quite as it seems. Not the people around her, from her aloof cousin Noémi to the fierce and handsome Romani Gábor. Not the society she’s known all her life, for discontent with the Luminate is sweeping the land. And not her lack of magic. Isolated from the only world she cares about, Anna still can’t seem to stop herself from breaking spells.

As rebellion spreads across the region, Anna’s unique ability becomes the catalyst everyone is seeking. In the company of nobles, revolutionaries, and Romanies, Anna must choose: deny her unique power and cling to the life she’s always wanted, or embrace her ability and change that world forever.

#Booknerdigans at the @lizwrites event! @KathrynPurdie @erinsummerill @TriciaLevensell To celebrate the release of Elizabeth Brigg's latest novel Future Threat, this AMAZING panel of authors played Author Truth or Dare and made all of us audience members laugh until we cried.

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