#also both are books that you could gaslight me into thinking i saw a movie of them..

[tears-of-boredom]

Hey fellas...truly feeling weak right now. I can't remember the awful feelings tiktok brings me, only the way it distracts me from my own failing life. Deleting the app last time worked, my desire to go on it always died down when I remembered I'd have to download it again. But I am truly so low now that I am probably going to download it after posting this. I just don't see my life going fucking anywhere, so putting myself into the shitty vibes of tiktok doesn't seem that bad. This started as a jokey "Oh god tiktok is awful but i want to use it" post, but now I'm imagining impailing my forehead onto a comedically long knife, in the pitch black darkness of this apartment. It's just a fantasy, because stabbing through my skull sounds too hard to try it. Yeah, this week I was feeling kind of positive, because I managed to go to school on monday and tuesday. But then wednesday came along and my shoulder was so sore it hurt, so I used that as kinda of a lazy excuse to not go. Except i didnt even tell anyone about it, so it was just an excuse to myself. And i was fully aware that it was an excuse. I read the first few pages of the new thursday murder club book on monday, and i think my forehead impailing fantasy is in a house from the first book. Im not that sure but it was the house of a dead girl, which had been refurnished and sold again to some old man, and the cops came and replicated the crime scene to find possible leftover DNA and fingerprints? Was that murder club, or was it the random detective book i read that kept calling a woman manly for working out, and kept describing dead people really fucking weirdly? I looked it up the other book is called "Cruel and Unusual". It reads like fanfiction with okay writing, but nothing fucking happens. I thinks its in a series, but honestly it didnt matter? Like i dont think any amount of backstory can help with the fact that the book is boring, and at times very weird. Yeah those thoughts distracted me from tiktok but now i genuinely want to download it versus the implusive need to do so before.

Anyways if you want to read good books heres to recs: The Elementia Chronicles by Sean Fay Wolfe and The Ghosts of Heaven by Marcus Sedgwick

Note: The Elementia Chronicles is a three/four book long series, depending on which version(s) of the last part you read. It's still a great book series, and I wish I owned copies so I could reread them without needing to purposefully seek them out from a library. But if you want just a quick one book read The Ghosts Of Heaven is good. I absolutely despise some of it but just trust me the vibes save those parts.

[katzirra]

Okay, I'm a chapter from the end but I'll finish on my drive to work tomorrow but GOODNESS.

Like I keep saying; love the development of character thoughts and incentives!! It's nice to see that internal desire to be a better man in Thomas and really REALLY realizing how fucked up stuff is. The unhinging of Lucille more so.

The passage of time is done so well and is something that we don't grasp as nicely in the movie. How long this all would have gone on, how long it would have taken McMichael to get to England actually!! I love that a lot, it's very important to me. It's the biggest flaw of the movie for me; as a movie, we cannot grasp time very well. For all we know each cut is a new day, versus how drawn out days and weeks could be.

The ghosts are interesting, not as vivid an image as the movie, but my favorite is the one from under the bed. I forget which one it is right now unfortunately. I love how there's a narrative of "it watched" around the house, ghosts observing the living tenants.... ahhh

The chain of events and dramatization of events is nice, a bit eh to the original sometimes but narratively it flows nicely. I like the added sort of look in from characters who could be present in the scene in a way but not? Like Edith observing Thomas and Finn outside from the window, seeing his machine succeed. NICE TOUCH.

The desperation of her not wanting to believe her love of her life has done or did what he did and the up and down of that is much more emotional and turmoil ridden than the movie which is nice to experience. Makes me sadder. Though the final send off with them didn't hit....as hard? There's a lot to be had in that last exchange visually with the actors involved imo!! So we lose that. Lucille is much crazier and frenzied in the novel for sure - ALSO NICE NOTE OF THOMAS SEEING THE MANUSCRIPT BURNING AND IT BOTHERING HIM.

Also man!!! MAN!!! I LOVE THOMAS THOUGH. His struggle shit is so good. Him like hating that people see him for a handsome bitch and a lord~ and he's like man, I thought my wife's dad was a great dude and she saw me for my brain AND my huge dick unù

I also just... the novel really made me think more about how much I started wanting them to be able to be happy because I forget so much that her dad was an engineer?? She grew up around all that stuff and jargon!! She'd understand so much that Thomas would talk about or refer to. And as a MODERN WOMAN that's neat because it makes her that much different still....

I think the only thing I'm eh on is how DAZED I feel in this battle at the end? I feel very lost in it for some reason. Like since Thomas has been stabbed something about the pacing is throwing my ass??

I'm gonna back up and listen to the last two chapters and epilogue tomorrow :u

ALSO LIKE OKAY SO THE BIG THING WAS UHH THOMAS' FLASHBACK TO THE DAY THEIR FATHER DIED OR LIKE THE FIRST MAJOR TIME LUCILLE GOT BEATEN... The fucking GASLIGHTING AT 8 YEARS OLD BRO..... BROOOO.

Also like she's a little creep showing him foreimages on books?? LIKE DON'T SHOW HIM THE SEXY IMAGES ON THE BOOKS THAT'S WEIRD DUDE.... LIKE I'M SO.....MMMM. augh???

BUT ALSO ALSO I LOVED GETTING AN IMAGE OF THEIR FATHER HIS DISDAIN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY ESPECIALLY THEIR MOTHER AND LIKE SEEING WHERE LUCILLE WOULD DEVELOP THAT FROM... being cruel and it's learned behaviors from both mother AND father... and also more of Thomas' kind heart and inventing. I love the woman of action and man who just... never knows what to do and feels he can't help ever because his whole life he's been made to feel he can't do anything...

The guilt and gaslightis insane to think about. The it's the least you could do being the foundation of that whole incestuous situation and it just... kept going because of that narrative. If I love my sister, this makes her happy and we just can't be separated etc. INSANE. There was a lot of interesting shit with that one chapter - it packed a PUNCH???

Really good shit. Also like as much as I do love Thomas for a multi faceted little bastard, I love that the book very much is struggling to like stress that... IDK there's a lot of feelings on these characters and how they feel towards eachothet.

I do kinda wish the stabbing scene of Alan was done more emotional or weighted because it's a very well done scene and one of my favorite down strikes in the movie?? The book is very Lucille off the SHITS about it versus like HOW ARE THE MARRIED SHARPES DOIN" FELLAS? NOT GREAT. THERE'S A LOT GOING ON AND THERE'S A LOT OF BAD VIBES. Even Alan like... the author is so funny with him but I'd like to have gotten more flavor text with him there too. I did like the kinda Doctor Brain moment about thinking about organs etc.

I also might have not been paying as much attention at that moment abd might just need to go back a dee chapters tbh :0 we'll aee. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow and reflect better.

VERY GOOD THOUGH. GOSH.

[celestialwife]

sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.

and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?

and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.

eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?

[wahlpaper]

Love at First Set

CW: Heavy Drinking, Alcoholism, Addiction, Gaslighting and Gaslighting Attempts, Manipulative Parents, Child Abuse, Mentioned Physical Abuse, Mentioned Toxic Relationship and Love Bombing, Money Problems, Classism, Queerphobia, Cheating, Breach of Trust, Sexual Content, Swearing

4.5/5

I don't think I read the description for Jennifer Dugan's Love at First Set until it was my turn with it on Libby. I saw the author and the cover and decided to check it out. What was written for the blurb wasn't wrong, exactly, but the tone was misleading, making it seem toxic. I wouldn't describe the romance as toxic, even if the characters and scenes get messy. I'm glad I read the book in spite of my worries. It was entertaining, handled some heavy topics with grace, and made me care a lot for the three main characters. 

Lizzie has been dreaming of running her own gym since she was a little girl. In the meantime, she's been working as a front desk manager at the gym her best friend's, James, parents own. When James' sister, Cara, is getting married, he convinces Lizzie to come along. He sees it as a chance for her to schmooze and get a promotion. Unfortunately, Lizzie ends up drunkenly pepping up a hot girl in the bathroom, telling her to leave her unhappy relationship. She didn't know this was Cara. Familial chaos ensues. Over the next few months, Lizzie and Cara get to know each other. They may even be catching feelings. 

Love at First Set was a surprisingly easy book to get through. Both Cara and Lizzie have awful parents, which is an important part of the story. They also had a really hard time opening up to each other, not just assuming the worst about one another, but themselves too. There were also a number of described sex scenes, which are almost never my thing. However, I was captivated the whole way through. Lizzie is incredibly self-aware and has an active inner voice. Anything that could have been taken too far was balanced out by Lizzie's reactions. There were times I would get fed up with any of the main trio, but I could trust that they'd work it out in a healthy way.

As with any Dugan novel, Love at First Set has plenty of queer rep in it. James is gay and Lizzie and Cara are bi. There are a few queer supporting characters and even more background ones. I can tell the characters aren't genre-aware, or else the classic Sapphic movie, Imagine Me & You, would absolutely have been brought up. However, the characters, especially Cara, are cliche-aware. At one point she mentions Uhal Lesbians. The main trio is also aware that it's weird that their abusive parents aren't queerphobic. Overall, this book could easily be just another queer book, and it may not be a contender for my favorite book this year, but it found ways to stand out.

If you're into books about queer sports, I recommend broadening your horizons out of the competitive ones. A majority of this book takes place in a gym, something I've never seen in a queer sports story. If you're into the best-friend's-sibling trope, Love at First Set by Jennifer Dugan is absolutely for you. If you're done lifting weights, lift this book. Don't worry, Lizzie will spot you!

[ratmonky]

Curse of Innocence

A gift to my best friend for an eternity, @anti-interesting​

Word Count: 18.2K

Warnings: dub-con, gaslighting, manipulation, dacryphilia, voyeurism, cuckolding, bullying, obsession, alcohol

AO3 Link

“Ya heard?”

“Heard what?” Geto asked with a sigh, exhaling his smoke along the way and watching Gojo munch on an anpan. That guy was eating too many sweets nowadays, he was going to gain weight.

“Apparently, there’s gonna be someone transferring here next semester.” Gojo took another bite from his snack and chewed slowly, savoring the taste. “Shoko said it’s gonna be a girl.”

“So what?” Geto raised a brow. It would be good for Shoko, there weren’t many girls on the campus, it would definitely mean that they could slip away from doing all the cleaning in the dorms as well.

“I call dibs.” A sinister smile was on his face.

Geto paused for a moment to stare at his friend and snorted. “You’re such a lout.” He pretended to wipe an imaginary tear from his eye. “She’s probably like Shoko, don’t get your hopes up.”

“Nooo, I heard she’s a pipsqueak. Preciously charming and weak, at least according to Nanami who met her when she was visiting.” Gojo’s smile widened, eyes sparkling with dark intent. “Well, it doesn’t matter, since you’re not interested, it means I didn’t even need to call dibs, huh?”

Silence.

It had been a while since the last girl had dropped out. They were already going to become third years soon and it was boring here. Shoko wasn’t dumb enough to fall for their tricks or be a part of them and there weren’t any other girls around.

This new girl could change it. She could be the new entertainment.

“Hey,” Geto started, he was trying really hard to not let his lips curl up into a smile but he was failing. Gojo noticed it, eyes squinting and waiting for what his friend had to say. “Wanna go halfsies instead?”

~~~

The campus looked larger and more elegant than your previous sorcerer academy, you were impressed if not relieved. Although there were too many buildings and it was covered by trees, you hoped you could feel at home once you settled.

“So, what do you think?” Shoko suddenly asked.

You were hurrying after her with your bags and luggage. You nodded and when you realized she couldn’t see you since she was walking ahead, you spoke. “I think here is where I belong! It’s quite large and quiet, I love it!”

“I’m glad you think so, it’s large but it’s easy to get lost so make sure to not wander off alone.” She turned to look at you and flashed a smile. “Let’s move on to the dormitory.”

Finally, you were in front of a huge compound-like traditional house.

“This is the dormitory. Both girls and boys use it. Well, we have separate wards and bathrooms but we all stay in this building, it’s our duty to keep it clean and stock up the necessities with the allowance the academy gives us.”

Your mouth opened in admiration, the place was huge. Bigger than your parents’ house. Double… no triple the size of their house.

Shoko opened the door and invited you in. The entrance was small, you took off your shoes.

“Leave your bags here, I’ll first show you the left-wing of the building.”

Nodding, you followed Shoko towards the common room and the kitchen.

“We all hang out here mostly, the guys usually rent movies on Saturdays so they do movie nights here. The kitchen always needs to be clean. Do not leave any dishes out to do them later, wash them right away or put them in the machine. Then there’s this coffee machine-” Her shoulders slouched and she sighed as she showed you the broken handle by pointing a finger at it. “It’s broken but don’t throw it out. We use the oven mittens to grab the decanter. If you want coffee in the morning, come by at seven sharp because Nanami often gets over himself and drinks the whole thing.”

“It’s fine,” you said, putting a hand on your hip. “I like instant coffee better, it’s more convenient and easier to make when I want more. You don’t need to make extra coffee for me or anything. I even brought some with me.”

Shoko raised her brows and smiled at your feigned solace. It was easy to tell, acting confident when your hands were shaking from trying to keep up the facade. “Make sure to hide your coffee then, we share the place with two greedy guys and another caffeine addict like me. But again, I wouldn’t mind sharing my coffee with you, it’s practically nothing too important so don’t hesitate to take some.”

The two of you continued chatting before finally, Shoko took you towards the library and the study rooms after passing the dining hall.

“We have a bigger library but this is for when we need to study here. The books are all about curses, sorcery, and the history of sorcerers.” Shoko said, leaning against the door frame and watching you admire the books she knew no other library had.

Your eyes landed on a hardcover book and you gasped in excitement. “I can’t believe this! You guys have a copy of Sukuna’s Impact on the Japanese History?”

Shoko smiled smugly, “It’s the original.”

“Ahh, you’re so lucky.” You put the book back and smiled at her. “My previous academies only taught us about clans and curses, this is like on another level for me. I’m so happy I transferred here. It’s nice to finally become a student in one of only two of the best jujutsu schools.”

“You know…” Shoko pointed at the book you put back, “You can take it.”

“Can I?” You beamed, your cheeks flushing.

“Well, it’s here so the students can read it. You can take and read any book you like as long as you’re going to return them.”

You gently pulled the book out from the shelf and held it against your chest with both arms wrapped around it. “I’m gonna read this tonight.”

“Knock yourself up,” she chuckled, the boyish and geeky side of you was already showing through.

While you were lost in your thoughts, planning how you were going to read about that one curse anatomy book you saw after this one, Shoko’s voice filled your ears. “At the end of this hall is the laundry room. There’s an equipment room and a large pantry.” She snapped her fingers as if to remember something, “Ah yes, cleaning supplies are also in the laundry room. Nanami will show you those on Sunday, we all clean the whole building weekly.”

You nodded slowly, processing all this information.

“Now, it’s time I show you to your room…” Shoko walked past you and back to the common room and then to the entrance once again.

Quickly, grabbing your bags, you followed her to the right side of the building. This side was broader. She slid open the door and continued walking in a straight line. “Here’s the boys’ dorm.” Her eyes landed on the stairs leading upstairs. “Ours is upstairs. It’s divided poorly, I know.”

You sighed and she chuckled. Climbing the stairs was hard when you had so many bags with you.

Shoko slid open the door and ignored a couple of doors until she reached the one that had her name on it, “This is my room, yours is next to mine.” She pointed at the door next to hers before fishing out a pair of keys from her pocket. “There you go.”

You took the keys after putting down one of your bags. “Why are there so many?”

“It’s for the entire campus. One for the library, our rooms, the building’s door, and many more that you’ll figure out on Monday.”

“Okay.” You looked around and saw that there was another door at the end of the hall.

“Behind that is the girls’ bathroom. Leave that sliding door open after you’ve taken a shower otherwise it gets really foggy on the other side of the hall.” Shoko put her hand on her hips and rested her weight on one leg. “That’s it. You can get settled now. I’ll call you out for dinner.”

You bowed down slightly, “Thank you for showing me around. I hope we get along well, Ieiri.”

“Ah, you’re being too formal! Please call me Shoko.” Shoko grinned but bowed her head out of habit. “Let’s get along well, (name).”

Smiling, you repeated her name quietly. Perhaps the two of you could be really close friends even though you were going to be here for a year.

“One last thing,” Shoko said, just as you had unlocked the door to your room. “It’s a piece of advice from me.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t let the boys see you as weak. They’ll tease you for it.” She looked serious, her friendly smile and big, wide eyes were gone, replaced by a frown and half-lidded look.

“I can handle a little bit of teasing!” You were grinning, putting on the facade again. “Besides if you don’t get teased for being weak, how will you get determined to improve yourself, haha, right?”

Shoko didn’t answer.

Your smile slowly faded.

“Just… be careful.” She turned around on her heels. “Nanami’s fine, though. At least I think so.”

That was the last thing she said before walking away from you and sliding the door to the hall closed, leaving you confused.

Dumbfounded, you walked inside your own room, hoping that you could get the most out of your senior year here in Tokyo Jujutsu High. Unaware of the things to come.

~~~

As soon as Shoko put a foot down on the main floor, she heard the chatter coming from the common room.

She exited the dormitory and slid the door closed behind her. When she arrived at the common room, she found Geto giving Nanami a pack of cigarettes.

“Yo, Shoko!” Gojo waved at her from the couch he was sitting on. “Did the girl settle in yet? What does she look like? Does she have big boo-”

Geto slammed his fist on top of Gojo’s head. “Ah, Shoko, your brand of cigarettes was sold out, I bought the same brand as mine.” Retrieving his hand from the dumb one’s head, he reached inside the plastic bag and pulled out the pack to hold it towards her.

Shoko’s eyes were on Nanami as she walked closer to Geto and snatched her pack. “Thanks.”

Nanami hid his in the hidden pocket of his school jacket before speaking. “I didn’t know you were here, Ieiri.”

“You started smoking a little too early, Nanami,” Shoko squinted her eyes in irritation. “And you, why are you buying cigarettes for him? Shouldn’t you be an example of a great senior year jujutsu student?” She was pointing at Geto who shrugged his shoulders with a grin.

“What? Are ya gonna rat on us?” Gojo grinned as well and got up from the couch to pat Nanami on the back. “Besides, Nanami’s a responsible adult now, he bought it himself!”

Nanami nodded reluctantly to confirm.

“He turned eighteen barely a week ago.” Shoko rolled her eyes and her eyes landed on Geto holding his pack of cigarettes out to her. She stared at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Here.”

“Why?”

“So you won’t tell anyone.” Geto was smirking. “Also a gift before you leave for your training.”

“That’s a cheap bribe.” Shoko took the pack with an eerie smile.

“She took it anyway,” Nanami scoffed softly.

“They’re scary~” Gojo leaned towards Nanami. “Smokers are easy to bribe with more of those killer sticks.”

“What’s for dinner?” Nanami then asked, ignoring the idiot.

“Since I’m on kitchen duty tonight, I was thinking curry and rice, since it’ll be five of us from now on so we can’t eat takeout all the time.” Shoko put the cigarette packs in her coat pockets and walked towards the kitchen. “It’d be nicer if one of you helped me cook too.”

Both Geto and Gojo put a hand on Nanami’s back to push him forward.

When Shoko glanced over her shoulder, it looked like Nanami was silently following her to the kitchen to help her. “Thanks, Nanami, I appreciate it.”

While the second year was glowering at the other two seniors for sacrificing him, Geto took out another pack of cigarettes he had hidden in his pants’ pocket.

“I’m gonna go out for a smoke,” he said, informing his friend.

Without saying anything, Gojo followed him out. They walked down a path leading to Geto’s secret smoking spot.

“We didn’t get any first years this semester,” Gojo pouted. “I was looking forward to it.”

“You just want them to idolize you,” Geto tore the packaging of the cigarettes open and pulled one out, putting it between his lips.

“I just wanna have younger people cheer for me! I miss being told how great I am!” Gojo pouted, acting cutesy. “Nobody praises me anymore.”

Geto lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply, “We’re not children anymore, that’s why.”

“It motivates me when someone tells me I’m strong~” He leaned his back against a tree and looked at his friend over his sunglasses. “I bet, the new girl will be all over me.”

“Maybe she will,” he answered, exhaling the smoke with a smirk. “Shall we do the friendly and stoic guy gimmick again or try something else?”

“Nuh-uh! Overly friendly classmates! That always works!” Gojo laughed to himself and paused. “I just got shivers thinking about it.” Wrapping his arms around himself, Gojo trembled. “Ahh, I hope she’s the errand girl type.”

“Why?”

“Those are easier to trick.”

Geto hummed before nodding languidly. “You’re right. They are also considerably obedient, they’d do anything to not upset anyone.”

“A people pleaser like that girl who dropped out! They are pretty adorable,” Gojo chuckled. “Ahh, what was her name again?”

Shrugging, Geto took a whiff of his cigarette before giving a blatant reply. “Who knows.”

~~~

When there was a knock on your door, you were already done packing and were reading the book you had borrowed from the library.

Closing the book and putting a small divider on the page you were reading, you walked up to the door.

Although you were expecting Shoko to be on the other side when you opened the door, there was a blonde guy standing in the hall.

“Hii,” you chirped. “I think we met before!” It took you a small pause to remember his name. “Nanamin… right?”

“Nanami,” he corrected, looking anywhere but at your face to avoid making eye contact. “Dinner’s ready.”

“Sorry… Thanks for letting me know.”

As he was getting ready to turn around and leave you walked out of your room, closing the door behind you to tail after him.

Not really the type to enjoy small talk, Nanami felt obliged to say something when the two of you reached the stairs. “It’s curry and rice.”

“Hmm?”

“The food. It’s dinner and rice.”

“Ahh, it had been a while since I last ate curry. Did you cook it?”

“I only helped Ieiri to make rice.”

“That’s still cooking,” you giggled and offered him a pat on the back. “Next time I need someone to cook rice, I know who to call.”

Nanami chuckled at that.

You were also grinning like an idiot, stupidly happy for no reason other than managing to make him chuckle.

Inside the dining hall, Shoko was already seated, Nanami quickly sat on an empty chair.

“Nice dress,” Shoko commented when she saw you bouncing on your heels, unsure of where to sit. Twirling around to show off your dress, you thanked her with a smile. Soon after she pointed at a seat next to hers, “You can sit here.”

“How many are we?” you asked, noticing how there were only two more plates placed down on the table.

Before Shoko could answer, two guys entered the dining hall, laughing merrily.

You turned around and stared at the guy with raven black hair, it was half tied up, his hair was long and silky, dark eyes blinked before they landed on you. His lips curled up to a smile.

The guy beside him was grinning from ear to ear. “You must be the new girl!” Either the guy was a loud fellow or he was very nervous talking to you because his voice got only louder each time he opened his mouth to speak. “Ugh, it’s very nice to meet you, hope we get along well.” He rubbed his neck nervously, “I’m Satoru Gojo!!” His tone changed into something a lot softer and his cheeks flushed pink. It was even more noticeable when he reached in for a handshake.

“Nice to meet you, Gojo,” you replied and took his hand. “I’m (name).”

“You have such a nice name, perfectly fitted for a girl like you,” he smiled. And with that, he blushed even harder.

“Thank you,” you chuckled, your cheeks also blushing a little because of the intensity of his stare.

Gojo then encouraged another man who looked a similar age to you to introduce himself as well but the guy didn’t. He stared at you instead. His dark eyes wandered on your face for a moment too long before he clicked his tongue with a smile. And while you were staring back at him, you noticed something. He was magnetic almost, pulling you towards himself.

He reached in to shake your hand, “Suguru Geto.”

“(n-name).” Sharply gasping, your cheeks flushed and your heart started throbbing hastily in your chest but you tried to look indifferent. “N-nice to meet you two.”

He and the other guy exchanged a knowing look with each other when you stuttered.

~~~

“Argh! I thought we were both going for the friendly and shy guy!” Gojo rubbed his nose bridge while cringing. “You made me look sooo stupid. I told you to stop with the stoic guy thing!”

Geto was indifferent as he flipped a page of his book. “Well, she fell for it anyway.”

“You’re trying to steal her, right?” Gojo started pacing around the room. “I should’ve known! Ahh, you’re so scary, I hate you.”

“That’s not it.” Geto closed his book with a sigh, keeping a finger between the pages to not lose which page he was reading. “She’ll trust me and come to me if things get out of hand instead of going directly to someone else. We have to think ahead or it’ll end up like the others.”

“Still, you could’ve told me something before I embarrassed myself! Nanami and Shoko were holding in their laughs ya know!”

“You always make a fool of yourself so what’s the difference?”

Gojo visibly tensed, Geto had managed to get on his nerves.

“I apologize,” Geto said to avoid conflict. “Since I upset you, I’ll let you take the first step.”

With that his friend pushed his sunglasses up to his hair, smiling foolishly. “That’s very generous of ya.”

Geto realized he may have made a mistake to let Gojo take the lead. His friend enjoyed watching more than being a part of it.

~~~

The next day, your uniform came.

“It’s cute,” Shoko said, looking up from the magazine she was reading.

“Really? I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have a gakuen-like uniform. Does it suit me?” You frowned as you struck poses in front of the mirror.

“What’s important is if you can move in it. You’re going to wear that while fighting curses.” She sat up on your bed to get a better look at your uniform.

“You’re right…” You smoothed the fabric of your skirt and decided that it was perfect. “I think I like it.” Turning around to face Shoko, you smiled. “It’s so unfortunate that you’re going away to train as soon as I start though…”

“I’m not exactly the fighter type, I’m trying to become an autopsy technician after I get my degree.” Shoko mirrored your smile. “So you better be careful on your missions or I might be the one to dissect you.”

“I could never look at a dead body yet you’re willing to do that as a job?” You got goosebumps on your skin, “You must be very strong!”

“Mentally? Yes. Physically? Not at all.”

“By the way… why do you wanna become a jujutsu sorcerer?” As simple as the question was, it differed from person to person. Nobody wanted to become a jujutsu sorcerer for the fun of it.

Taken aback, it took her a long moment before she answered. “Money, not being sure what to do with the power to see curses, not having a future as a normal civilian. I don’t know, could be all of them at once.” She noticed your smile widening as if you were fascinated by her choice of path for the future. “What about you?”

Your answer was quick, you said it with your whole chest, eyes twinkling with determination. “To protect people from curses and collect all of Sukuna’s fingers.”

“Woah, talk about being selfless,” Shoko joked but you didn’t laugh. “While I’m away, you should hang out with Nanami and avoid conflict. Heated arguments can make all the hell break lose.”

You nodded in response.

“You don’t like to be seen as selfless, huh?” She didn’t want to leave for the internship tomorrow like this. It was clear you were upset. “Is there a special reason for you to hate it?”

You fidgeted with your fingers, confident and cheerful girl facade wavering yet again. “It makes people think that I’m weak. That I wanna become a sorcerer to feel better about myself when I actually wanna do something good with the power I was gifted.”

Ahh, the type who wanted to leave an impact. Rather, desperate to have some sort of validation.

At that moment, Shoko pitied you. “You care what people think about you, don’t you?”

“I… do.” Shoulders slouched and with those fidgeting fingers, you looked anything but confident.

“What others may think of you doesn’t truly define you. It’s hard to accept but not everyone will like you. It’s impossible to be loved by everyone, so you should worry about getting your degree along with your sorcery license.”

She was trying to encourage you but it felt more like a talk some adult would give to a kid that wouldn’t stop crying.

“Y-yeah, I’ll do that.”

Shoko got up from your bed and ruffled your hair, “You have my number and email address. You can contact me whenever you wanna.”

With the mood lightening, you were able to fix your posture and nod rapidly. “Same goes for you too!”

~~~

Monday started with you and the others seeing Shoko off from the bus station. The four of you took the bus that came after hers.

“This bus goes all the way to the stop by the campus and down to here.” Nanami handed you a card. “Ieiri told me to give this to you. It’s a transportation card. Works with everything.”

You took the card and thanked him as you put it in. “Tokyo is a bigger city than I thought.”

“Let’s see,” Gojo turned around his seat to stare at you and Nanami. He clasped his chin between his thumb and knuckle, thinking carefully. “There were two different curses reported around here. We should split up and meet back up in the dormitory when we’re done.”

“Wait,” you said, chuckling nervously. “We’re gonna deal with curses by ourselves? Without a supervisor?”

Three of them stared at you in the same confusion you were looking at them.

“We learn on the field after the first year,” Geto explained. “Most of the schedule for us is exorcising curses. We don’t have classes on campus nowadays either. Our teacher is abroad.”

“B-but isn’t it dangerous to exorcise curses without a teacher or a professional sorcerer around?”

“Was that how it worked back in your previous schools?” Nanami was trying to be understanding, you clearly weren’t confident in your abilities or needed supervision.

“Y-yeah. I-I mean curses can be really dangerous and we’re still not professionals.”

“You’re overthinking it!” Gojo said, looking at you over his sunglasses. “We can go together, you and me. I’m the strongest so you don’t need to worry about anything.”

Geto sighed, glancing over his shoulder to look at Nanami. “You’re okay with being paired up with me?”

Nanami shrugged.

“Great!” Gojo pressed the stop button attached to the pole. “(name), come on! This is our stop.”

Nanami got up from his seat to let you follow after Gojo towards the bus door.

“It’s only my first day…” You hesitated.

“You’ll do fine,” Geto encouraged, “Satoru will help you out.”

You blushed faintly and bowed your head in acknowledgment as the vehicle rolled to a stop.

“Satoru, don’t force her too much on her first day.” Geto was smirking when the doors opened.

“Sure sure. I won’t.” Gojo waved at him lazily and got off the bus with you. He turned around, stretching his arms over his head before talking. “Do you use cursed tools to exorcise curses?”

“Sometimes-”

Without letting you finish your words, Gojo pulled out a dagger from the inner pocket of his jacket. “You’ll need this then. Curses here in Tokyo are intelligent.”

Grabbing the dagger from him, you nodded sluggishly. “O-okay.”

Once you put the dagger in your utility belt, he draped his arm over your shoulder and started walking, leading you towards an alleyway. “Now, tell me all about yourself! I need to know everything.” He was pressing you to his side, his hand on your shoulder slowly slid down to your waist.

“Um, Gojo… this is a little t-too close,” you mumbled shyly.

Gojo leaned down, his face got awfully close to yours. He managed to bite down the urge to grin. “Sorry, what’s that? I didn’t hear what you said.”

You were completely silent, blushing in embarrassment and looking away. “N-nothing.”

“Hmm.” His fingers pressed on your hip, caressing your skin over the fabric of your skirt softly. “How have you been liking Tokyo and our college so far?” he asked, leading you down another street.

“It’s been barely three days… but I can say that it’s different from where I come from.” That was all you had to say as you tried to not give much thought to his hand on your hip. You dipped your head in a nod when he gestured towards another alleyway.

“You’ll love it here! Shoko said she liked you already and I can tell we’re gonna be really close too!” he laughed, his smile was contagious. You couldn’t help but smile despite being uncomfortable. “Maybe you’ll even befriend Suguru in the future!”

“I-is it hard to befriend him?” Oh, so innocent.

“Definitely,” Gojo let out a dramatic sigh. “He doesn’t trust people that easily but I hope you’ll be able to see him smile one day. It’s a sight ya don’t see often.”

“How could I befriend him?” you politely asked.

“By befriending me!” he replied, his thumb drawing circles over your clothes. “It took me two whole years to gain his respect ya know. I can help speed up the progress by telling ya all about him.”

To move away from his hand without saying anything that might make you seem like such a prude, you pressed yourself flush against his side but it only made everything worse. His hand slid further down your hips, smoothing the fabric of your skirt and-

“Don’t!” you suddenly said, pushing him away from yourself.

Gojo looked dumbfounded and confused as to why you were upset. “What happened?”

“It’s just…” The expression on his face made you feel guilty. He clearly had no ulterior intentions or anything. You were overreacting. You had to be overreacting.

“Ahh.” He softly slapped a hand on his forehead, “Sorry, I must’ve been too friendly. I’m the type to be comfortable around friends pretty easily. Shoko told me to be careful but I clearly failed, so sorry again if I made you uncomfortable,” he said, catching you off guard.

Your heart shattered into a million pieces. Now, you were going to be known as some prude who thought everyone who came close to you was after you.

“N-no, I was the one overreacting. I-it was just too overwhelming for me I guess, I don’t know. Please don’t blame yourself!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Gojo said, smiling brokenly. “I’m used to it.”

You had messed up already. It was only your first day but you had already managed to make the cheerful guy somber.

“The curse is in that abandoned building,” he pointed towards a two-floored apartment building, changing the subject. “Let’s exorcise it and return back to the campus.”

It was silent between you up until you arrived at the building and entered it.

“I’ll check upstairs so you should check here.” Gojo’s tone was colder than ice, it lacked the usual chipper you had grown used to in such a short time. “Just call out my name if you need help.”

“Yessir!” you chirped, trying to ease the mood. To add to the goofiness, you saluted but Gojo didn’t do anything more than stare at you blankly. Somehow, it made you feel even worse. Now, you were both embarrassed and guilty.

Quietly, Gojo climbed up the stairs, leaving you alone.

Ugh! This was the worst. What Shoko had said before had scared you and put you on the edge around the guys. You had to be out of your mind to ruin your relationships with your classmates over a possible prank Shoko had pulled on you.

“Help-”

You jolted, listening carefully.

It was quiet again.

Maybe it was your imagination.

“Help!”

This time it was loud and clear, you walked further inside the building and listened again. “Hello?”

“Over here.”

The voice was coming from upstairs.

“Gojo! Are you hearing this?!”

No response.

A sudden rush of panic took over your senses.

Was Gojo hurt?

Unconscious?

Was he ignoring you?

Was it all of the above?

Without any hesitation, you climbed up the stairs and walked along the long hallway until you reached a dead end.

A low growl filled your ears and cold shivers went down your spine. You could feel the presence of something evil behind you, something with a ton of cursed energy. Definitely not a low-grade curse, maybe a grade one but nothing lower than that.

Turning around was a simple task, you could have done it solely by thinking about doing it but your legs wouldn’t budge. Your hand that was clutching on your belt to pull out the cursed tool Gojo had given you was shaking violently, nevertheless how you had exorcised some other curses in the past, this was the first time you were facing one alone, without anyone watching over you.

The cursed energy coming from the creature filled all of your senses and wrecked your nerves. It was as if you were drowning after being stung by a jellyfish, the shock was making you unable to move and although you were about to die, you couldn’t do anything about it.

What a way to go!

Dying on your first day on the field after embarrassing yourself in front of a classmate who clearly was defeated by this curse, otherwise, where could he be?

A sharp breath left your lips when the curse abruptly pulled you into its skin, absorbing you into its flesh and many hands it had started groping you.

The hands were going under your skirt, caressing your inner thighs, fondling your tits as you sank deeper into its flesh without fighting back. Then there was the wetness, warm, slick muscle wrapped around your throat before moving up towards your face. It was a tongue you realized. The wet muscle forced itself between your lips and pried your jaw open to snake itself down your throat.

Tears started streaming down your face right away. Multiple hands kneaded the soft flesh of your thighs and tits roughly as the tongue started swirling around in your mouth. Foreign feelings of all of the hands and a wet muscle grazing the back of your throat were too overwhelming, your head got lightweight, eyes rolling up. You were about to lose consciousness, it had to be the curse’s doing.

“Ah, you’ve found the curse.” Gojo’s voice was the last thing you heard before your vision went dark.

Gojo on the other hand was smirking, secretly glad that you weren’t able to see his cock swelling up under his pants as he was watching you get violated by the curse. Your body was still reacting to its tongue moving inside your mouth, eyelashes fluttering, and legs desperately trying to press together from involuntary pleasure.

It was quite a sight to see. Having your legs spread open by many hands of the curse that was ignoring him wasn’t something he had been exactly planning to see today but he was grateful nonetheless.

The hands that were spreading your legs moved further up towards your inner thighs, hiking your skirt up completely before another hand helplessly tried to tore your panties off of you.

Now, it was going a little too far.

“Over the clothes is fine but trying to touch her bare skin… you’re getting ahead of yourself, you shrimp.” Gojo rolled his eyes, curses could be excessively selfish, thinking that they own everything.

With a flick of his finger, he exorcised the curse in an instant. Its body exploded into a million different pieces and your body, released from its groping hands fell on the ground in a silent thud.

The next thing that echoed in the empty building was the sound of a belt unbuckling and a zipper being undone.

~~~

You jolted awake, eyes wet with tears and body trembling.  

“Hey,” Gojo’s voice above you was worried yet calming. “It’s just a nightmare, I’m here. You’re safe.”

You were being torn apart, emotions a wreck that couldn’t be fixed. Memories of what had happened washed over you frantically, leaving you breathless. Your arms quickly reached for the only person in front of you, begging for his closeness to feel comfort.

Gojo’s reaction was a bit delayed, but he carefully wrapped his arms around you and almost immediately you started sobbing pathetically.

The curse was gone, you couldn’t feel its presence. He must have exorcised it to save you. All you ever did today was to cause trouble for him.

“Sorry,” you said quietly, in between sobs.

“Hey, there’s nothing for you to apologize for,” Gojo’s voice was soft like honey, his sunglasses were pushed up to his hair and he was holding you in his lap. “Are you alright? Have you calmed down a bit?”

You frowned, tears gushing out from your eyes again. “I-I was so scared.”

“Anyone would be.” With your head pressed on his chest, you could hear his chest rumbling as he spoke. “You’re safe now.”

You sobbed as you remembered what had happened once again.

“What happened?” he asked, lulling you into a false sense of comfort, pulling you closer towards the trap.

You told him your story, slowly, a little at a time with small breaks of you crying.

You were raised in the hopes of becoming the head of your clan, forced to act tough, and were taught to be caring and loving yet you had never received any real love or care from anyone. You were in no way treated fairly by anyone.

So you had assumed the role of the caretaker of others with a facade of a motherly figure. You helped others and hoped to get happiness in return but in no way it was as easy as you had hoped. People were only loving to you when you were doing something for them in return and that was how you noticed you could be loved. By being useful to others. And eventually the habit of taking care of others to feel validated developed inside you. However that also became a problem, you were now being seen as weak, someone who could never lead others. Then you were sent to many different jujutsu colleges in the hopes that you could become somewhat more courageous and leader-like.

But that never happened, you couldn’t change what you were or what others would think of you no matter what. You felt lost for many years.

Later after being told that the Tokyo Jujutsu High could be the one to fix you, you had transferred here overnight.

You had thought moving to Tokyo was going to be like any other place but as soon as you arrived at the campus and met the others, you felt the warm feeling of a home. You realized you belonged here.

People here treated you like a person. Like you were a part of whatever they had going on here without judging you for being weak like any other people you had met so far would.

For a while, he was oddly quiet. He listened to your sobbing and sharp inhales until they calmed down.

“Well,” Gojo pressed his cheek on top of your head, arms tightening around you and legs moving to bring you closer on his lap.  “What can I do to ease your pain?”

You pressed a hand on your cheek to wipe your tears to save yourself from the stickiness but most of it was dried snot, or at least that was what you thought it was. “Right now, I just wanna go home. I feel so dirty…”

“Yeah,” he spoke into your hair, taking a long whiff. “Smells like you need a shower.”

The reason why you were crying past forgotten, a laugh escaped you and you smacked your hand on his chest playfully. “Hey!”

“Whaaaat? You stink!” Gojo used his thumb and forefinger to press his nostrils together as he grimaced.

Pausing, you looked up to him through your lashes, suddenly self-conscious. “D-do I?”

Gojo’s arms around you were kind of pressing you down onto his crotch and his flip phone was poking your ass but you tried to ignore it, you didn’t want to cause another misunderstanding as he leaned forward towards you. “Let me check again.”

He pressed his nose into your hair but you didn’t hear him inhaling. When you turned to look at him, he buried his face into the crook of your neck. Face completely blushed, your eyes widened and your heart skipped a beat.

After a long sniff, his hand on your back reached further around to wrap tighter around your shoulders to press you flush against his body. “I take it back, ya smell nice.” He spoke into your skin, lips brushing against your neck and the hot breath of his mouth making goosebumps prickle your skin.

You let out a breathy laugh to cover your nervousness. “T-thanks!”

He smiled against your skin before pulling himself back. “But I’d say ya still need a shower. You smell exactly like a booger.”

“You! You were just-!” You pushed him away as you blushed furiously, flustered by all of his teasings. “You’re soo mean!”

“Hehe, I’m mean? I saved your life, ya know!”

That was true. The unpleasant memories flashed in front of your eyes once again but this time, Gojo was ready to help you get up to your feet and exit the building to go back home while holding his hand.

“There’s this ramen place down this street, let’s eat lunch before we return, whaddya say?” His glee had returned, his smile was more gorgeous than you had realized.

“O-okay!” You let him intertwine your fingers together but blushed harder as a result.

~~~

“Ah, the others are still out…” you said as soon as you stepped inside the dormitory. Their shoes weren’t by the entrance.

“We have the whole place to ourselves, isn’t it great?” Gojo kicked off his shoes to walk further inside. “We can watch this one movie I rented out last week… ah... I forgot to return it… Anyway! We can still watch it! The movie’s about-”

“I think I’m gonna take a shower first,” you shyly interrupted. “But we can still watch it after I’m done!”

He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, “I see, you should be quick then. Once Suguru and Nanami come back, we won’t be able to do anything.”

You nodded, hurrying up to the girls’ dorm, grabbing clothes and your towel to head towards the showers but then you saw the large sign with big red letters just as you were about to enter.

Although you were already bummed out about not finding your body towel and only had your hair towel with you, the sign made your day worse.

Walking downstairs, you found the person you were looking for in the kitchen.

“Um, Gojo?”

The guy mentioned closed the cabinet he was checking and his lips curled up into a smile but it disappeared as soon as he turned to face you. “Yeah?”

“It says that the water pipes are damaged upstairs…” Hugging your clothes and towel tighter on your chest, you raised your eyebrows to ask him something he had planned for you to ask. “Where am I supposed to shower?”

Gojo hummed in thought. “Well, you can use our bathroom. I can stay on the lookout for you so Suguru or Nanami won’t walk in on you.”

You looked hesitant but you had learned to trust Gojo. He had made sure of that.

“O-okay.”

“Leave your dirty clothes in the basket by the door, I'll wash them for you.” He walked around the counter to put an arm around you, walking you towards the boys’ bathroom.

“I can do it,” you said softly.

“I’m gonna wash my stuff anyway so I can do it for ya!” he insisted, easily having had figured out that you couldn’t say no to people.

Nodding reluctantly, you spoke after clearing your throat. “Can you please make sure nobody comes in? I-I would feel safe if I knew you told them to not come in.”

“Of course!! I’ll call Suguru right away!” Gojo offered you a polite smile. You stood in front of the bathroom door, he pushed you inside. “So it’s the exact same as the upstairs but the only difference is that you should wear one of those slippers while showering.” He grabbed a large pair of slippers for you, putting them in front of you as you were taking your socks off. “Do not, and I mean this, do not walk barefoot here. We don’t clean the floors, we should but we won’t.”

“That’s kinda icky…”

“You can clean it if you wanna but we won’t.”

“It should be your job to clean your own dorm.” You put on the slippers with a sigh.

“Take your clothes off and take your shower before they return or I’ll bring them in here.”

“What!?”

“You heard me.”

Of course, you heard him. You were blushing furiously.

Gojo giggled and walked over to you. “You can’t bathe in your clothes, can you?” He pulled you out of the shower area. “Come on!”

“I-I will! You have to get out first!”

He stared at you with deadpan eyes, almost in disbelief. “I thought you wanted me in here so nobody would come in?”

When you blushed harder, his facade fell and he snorted before long he was laughing merrily.

“You’re so easy to tease!”

Covering your face in embarrassment, you told him to leave politely.

“I will I will!” He ruffled your hair, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “I’ll be back to collect your laundry so don’t freak out about that, right?”

“R-right.”

“So adorable…” He patted on your head one last time before leaving.

As soon as he left, you took your uniform off, folding them neatly to put them in the small laundry basket. Since after this separation you only needed your towel, you left your clean clothes next to the basket, folding them as well.

Sluggishly, you unhooked your bra and slipped out of your panties, placing them in between your clean clothes. There was no way you were going to let Gojo wash your underwear, that was too… too-

You were blushing and had to internally shake your head to clear your thoughts. Once naked, you wrapped your hair towel around your body, it was a lot shorter than you thought, not the actual towel you planned on using to cover your body. Ugh, whatever. You were going to get out of the showers and put on your clothes anyway. It didn’t matter what length of towel you had.

After taking a deep breath you walked into the bath area to take a shower.

~~~

Gojo had all of your clothes in the laundry basket and was walking towards the laundry room when Geto entered the dormitory with Nanami.

“Yo Suguru!” he chirped, “Don’t enter the bath, she’s in there taking a shower.”

Geto snorted, covering his mouth with a hand, “It really worked huh?”

They were all standing in the common room as Gojo nodded rapidly. “It’s all thanks to Nanami, his handwriting is soooo professional. I bet she thought it was from some janitor or something. She didn’t even question how Shoko was able to shower just this morning.”

While Geto and Gojo were snickering, Nanami was staring down at his feet. “Can you keep me out of this one?”

“Eh?” Gojo deadpanned. “Getting cold feet already? You promised you’d join in?! This is a once in a lifetime chance, Nanami~”

“Don’t force him,” Geto said, still a smile plastered on his face. “I think he’ll get around anyway.”

Gojo’s grin returned on his face, “True true! She’s sooo adorable and easy to handle. It’s like she was made for us.”

Nanami shook his head, trying to look serious but failing miserably.

“It’s no worries, Nanami,” Geto informed, placing an ensuring hand on his shoulder. “You’ll always have an open place.”

“Yeah, women have three holes ya kn-OW!” Gojo’s words were cut short by Geto flicking a finger on his nose.

“What do you have there?” Changing the subject way too quickly, Geto pointed at the laundry basket.

Gojo rubbed the tip of his nose and pouted. “Her clothes.”

“All of them?”

“Ya.”

“Did you use six eyes to spy on her?”

“Nooo~” Gojo tried to hide his smile and lie but failed to keep his face neutral.

“Bastard.” Clicking his tongue, Geto rolled his eyes. “How did the exorcism go?”

“Well, it went well,” Gojo sighed.

“You said well twice,” Geto pointed out, “Tell me what happened.”

“It was nice,” he said, shrugging. “I don’t know what else to say.” He tried to avoid Geto’s gaze on him. “Got to see her getting ravished by some curse and all…”

Geto grimaced and went quiet. The sound of the show playing on the television in the common room wasn’t loud enough to fill the silence that Gojo had created.

Nanami was blushing but he couldn’t leave as Geto still had his hand on his shoulder, keeping him there.

“I shouldn’t have let you take the lead, you always go overboard on the first day.” Geto was angry at himself.

“Take this as a token of my condolences.” Gojo held your bra up towards his friend.

“He wants the panties for himself.” Geto leaned towards Nanami to complain, “He thinks he’s so smart but I want the panties.”

Gojo shook his head dramatically, “It’s for Nanami. He should take the panties since we made him go through all that trouble. It’s also like an honor to receive the panties, right?”

Nanami refused to look them in the eye.

“He’s acting like the good guy now,” Geto snickered. “We’re not doing anything wrong, Nanami. (name) is in good hands, we wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.” At least physically.

Geto’s voice was calming and soft like cotton, giving the second year a sense of comfort.

“Yeah man, trust your upperclassmen a little!” Gojo laughed merrily, holding out the pink panties towards Nanami. “We’re only trying to teach you!”

Taking the panties from his grasp with shaky hands, Nanami nodded. “Yeah…”

Geto patted him on the back, “Now, where exactly are her weak points?”

Nanami jolted, blushed faintly because of how he has used his ability before. He opened his mouth to say it.

The other two listened attentively.

~~~

Don’t freak out.

Don’t freak out.

With a hair towel barely covering your modesty and on the verge of tears, you were trying to talk yourself into running out of the bath and upstairs. If you run, nobody would see you.

Why had Gojo taken all of your clothes?

Ugh! You shouldn’t have put them there, he probably took them thinking that they were also dirty but deep down you knew you were clumsy enough to end up in this situation anyway.

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

You could run.

Just run upstairs.

Yeah, that was all you needed to do.

You stepped out of the bathroom and instantly heard footsteps. Like an idiot, instead of going back inside the showers, you lurched forward, trying the first door you stumbled upon and successfully opening it to enter the room to hide.

Pressing your ear to the door, you listened to the footsteps, they didn’t come close to this room but you heard a door being opened and closed shut.

Letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, you pressed your forehead on the door. You were going to wait a little more before bolting out of this room to run upstairs.

“Can I help you?”

You jerked so suddenly that you managed to hit your head on the door. When you turned around, you found Geto watching you intently from his bed.

Your cheeks flushed, unable to say anything other than gibberish you started stuttering.

He got up from his bed, putting the book he was reading aside and heading straight towards his wardrobe.

“I’m sorry it’s Gojo, he took all of my clothes and-”

“Here.” Geto held out a shirt and sweatpants towards you, cutting your sentence short. “You can wear these and leave.”

You stared at the clothes he was holding out to you, eyes wide and cheeks burning up. Pressing the towel harder on your body, you tried covering yourself as much as you could.

Meekly taking the clothes from him, you bowed your head to show appreciation. There was a moment of silence between the two of you before he walked away and turned around to give you privacy.

You stood still, indecisive, before finally dropping the towel on the floor to put on the clothes he gave you.

Although they were quite large on you, in the end, you weren’t naked anymore.

“T-thank you.” Your voice was soft and full of admiration as you picked your towel up from the floor. He was so kind and respectful.

He waved a hand in lieu of speaking, telling you goodbye.

Not needing to be told twice, you left his room. Geto hoped that you hadn’t noticed him snapping a picture of you with his slide phone but even if you did, he knew you wouldn’t be able to say anything against it.

~~~

Later that day, Gojo apologized to you multiple times, telling you how he was so lost in his thoughts and took all of your clothes with him.

“Here they are though! Washed and dried!” He held the small laundry basket to you. Your clothes were indeed clean but they were… messy. They hadn’t been folded neatly so you had to iron them later. Despite that you thanked him.

Back in your room, you noticed that your underwear was missing from the pile of clothes in the laundry basket. All of them. Your clean and dirty ones.

Quickly, you walked downstairs, past the common room where all the guys were watching television, and into the laundry room. Perhaps Gojo hadn’t washed them out of embarrassment. If it was you, you wouldn’t! At least if it was his underwear you were going to wash.

Checking the large basket and the washing machine multiple times, you couldn’t find them. When you opened the tumble dryer, they weren’t in it either.

You walked back to the common room, feet dragging and meek. Standing beside the large couch, you pretended to be checking the movie they were watching but actually, you were trying to muster up the courage to ask Gojo if he had seen your underwear.

Nanami glanced in your direction through his long fringe, although his cheeks were flushed pink, you couldn’t see it in the dim light. “Gojo,” he said, alerting the white-haired guy of your presence.

You wondered if it was obvious it was him that you wanted to talk to.

Gojo stared at Nanami and when the blonde pointed in your direction with a nod, he whipped his head around to meet your gaze.

“(name)!” he chirped, patting on the empty spot on the couch between him and Geto. “The movie has just started, come join us!”

With everyone looking at you now, you felt obliged to sit down.

Once you were seated, Gojo narrowed his eyes at Geto and put his arm around you. You flinched but didn’t have the courage to push him away, you ended up unwillingly accepting his warmth.

To Geto, what he did was an insult. It felt like it.

If he didn’t hurry and caught up with him, Gojo would have the upper hand.

“Are you okay?” Geto asked, scooted closer to you on the couch, using the question as an excuse to close the distance between the two of you. “I heard what happened, it must've been scary.”

You offered him a kind smile. “It was a terrifying experience but I’m fine… thanks to Gojo.”

Geto tried hard not to let his lips curl down to a frown but with the way Gojo was smirking at him to taunt him, it was difficult. “Yeah but don’t trust him too much,” he said, glowering at Gojo. “He can be such an airhead at times. He took all of your clothes today, didn’t he?”

That made you shift on your seat uncomfortably. You also remembered the reason why you had come here but you didn’t want to be accusatory about it. In simple words, you were just too scared to confront him. “He already apologized.”

Gojo’s face contorted into something vile as Geto feigned worry.

“You shouldn’t let him go off that easily. He will never learn from his mistakes if his actions don’t have consequences.”

“It was a small mistake, I’m not mad or anything…” Subconsciously you were leaning away from Gojo.

“Whatever you say,” Geto snickered.

Nanami sank deeper into the cushions of the couch in discomfort while you were completely unaware of the tension between the two guys.

~~~

“What are you trying to do?” Gojo groaned in anger. “We’re all in this together so what’s with trying to make me look bad? I told you that overly friendly guy thing would be the best choice, you can’t blame me for-”

“I wanted to see your reaction,” Geto replied, interrupting him. “It was a joke.”

“It wasn’t funny.” Gojo glared at him over his sunglasses. “I’m going to win her over, is that why you’re acting so childish about it?”

“You’re the one who’s childish,” Geto snapped, sitting up on his bed. “You’re trying to turn this into a competition. Again .”

“It’s more fun that way.”

Silence.

It was a long moment after Geto spoke. “If we’re going to turn this into a competition, then it should be fair to all of us.”

Finally calmed down, Gojo hummed in agreement. “How though?”

A smile spread across Geto’s face before he gave his friend a response.

~~~

“Rock paper scissors!”

Nanami won by picking paper. The other two groaned and complained as they were all walking back to the common room to meet up with you. The game was played in secret.

“Today, you’ll work with Nanami, he’s a pro at using cursed tools.” It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t anything they had planned either.

Your day with the blonde went uneventful, you actually managed to learn some tricks about cursed tools.

~~~

You returned Geto his clothes.

The neatly folded clothes on top of his bed were inviting.

He reached for them. The clothes hadn’t been washed but it was as he wanted. He had assured you he would wash them himself.

Turning the sweatpants inside out, he brought the crotch area up to his face and inhaled deeply. His eyelashes fluttered at the pleasant smell that filled his lungs. So this was how you smelled. Your scent was faint but since you had worn it without any underwear, it had managed to stick onto the fabric, much to Geto’s joy.  

He couldn’t help but take another whiff as he pulled his pants down.

~~~

“Rock paper scissors!”

Geto won.

“Like this?” you asked worriedly, holding your arm out in an exorcism position. The flyhead in front of you was in a small cage, helpless and ready for you to exorcise it.

“No, you have to angle your hips right.” Geto placed his hands on your waist, getting awfully close and invading your space. “You have to keep your eyes on the curse at all times, no matter how much it might spur it on, you can wear sunglasses so it won’t notice your stare but not losing the sight of the enemy is important.” He pressed himself against you but you were listening to his soft voice, explaining how you could get better at this. “Try it.”

You nodded, aiming your cursed energy towards the flyhead.

The creature squealed and exploded into nothing.

Thrilled by your success, you turned your head around with an excited smile plastered on your face. “Did you see that?”

Geto offered you a kind smile, enough to reassure you that you did more than well. “You’re a natural.” He gave you a pat on the head, “Good job.” He then used his fingers to endearingly comb through your hair.

You leaned into his touch, ignoring how close he had gotten.

That made him smile, it wouldn’t be long until you were ready.

~~~

“Rock paper scissors!”

Geto won again, then Gojo, then Nanami, then Gojo again and it went on.

Easy get corrupted but still able to be as meekly cheerful as the first day, you were enough to charm all of them.

One of them a little more than the other two. Enough to make him care about you.

“I’m out.”

Both Gojo and Geto stared at Nanami with wide eyes.

“This eaaarly?” The white-haired one whined, stretching the word out. He was buzzed out of his mind. Cheap beer like this hit him faster than the better quality ones.

“You sure?” This time Geto wasn’t going to say anything to convince him not to drop out of the competition. Nanami leaving meant there would be a higher chance for him to corrupt you for the day.

The blonde in question nodded.

“You’re gonna miss ooooout her cuuutee fidgeting when you touch her waist!” Gojo was giggling, remembering how sensitive you were.

Geto chuckled, a smile appearing on his face. “The way she gets teary when you push her a little too much is the cutest.”

“Nooo, the way she starts stuttering when you act friendly is cute, her face as if she’s ready to cry is sexy. Her brows furrow and she looks at you like she’s begging for you to stop but-”

“She’s too pathetic to speak up!” The duo said it in unison and started laughing while high-fiving each other for their similar thinking.

Nanami took a sip from his beer and ignored them. This was for the best. He was going to continue ignoring it.

Ignorance was bliss.

~~~

“We’re out of necessities,” Nanami informed everyone in the common room.

Gojo tore his eyes away from the television and hung off the back of the coach to look at Nanami. “Already?”

“I can go and buy them if you gave me a list?” You were quick to pipe up.

Geto put his hand on top of your head and ruffled your hair, “You can’t carry all that, we’ll do it.”

“Well, why don’t I go with one of you?” There it was, the meek tone. Something was going on.

“Why? Do you need something specific?” Gojo sat back on the couch, returning his attention to the Saturday morning comedy sketches.

“Y-yeah.” Fidgeting with your fingers you looked down at your lap.

“You can put whatever you need into the list and we’ll buy it,” Geto answered but his true intention was to see how flustered you could get over a simple task being done for you. He could or rather anyone could easily guess what this was all about. They had been living with Shoko for over three years now, who unlike you wasn’t shy about anything.

Nanami who had been pouring out coffee for himself noticed how your shoulders slackened in defeat. Although he had promised to stay out of their game, he spoke without thinking. “We can go together.”

As soon as he said that both Gojo and Geto glowered at him from the corner of their eyes.

You whipped your head around with an innocent smile, “That’s so kind of you! Thank you, Nanami!”

“We can all go,” Geto replied.

“It’d be too crowded.” You got up from the couch to walk over where Nanami was standing to talk about if you should get ready now or later.

An imaginary lightbulb lit up over Gojo’s head. “Let’s decide who’s gonna go by rock paper scissors.”

“Nanami just said he’d go with me-”

“He wants to avoid his cleaning duty. We’re supposed to do the cleaning today since Shoko is coming back tomorrow.” Geto backed Gojo up instantaneously. So sly.

Three of them held their fists up from where they were and almost as if they’d done it a million times, they chose their gesture without even saying anything.

You looked at each gesture and your eyes landed on the winner.

“Write what you two personally need on a list, I’ll go grab my wallet.” Geto got up from the couch and beckoned you to follow him.

The two of you took the bus to the store and split up with separate baskets to do the shopping. You finished quick, put enough sanitary pads that would last you until the next month into the basket, and hid them under a bunch of other things so Geto wouldn’t see it.

You found Geto by the cleaning aisle.

“Done?” he asked, noticing your full basket.

“Yeah.”

“That was quick.” Geto grinned, “I have a couple of things left, after that, I’m done as well.”

“Can we go to the new cafe that opened down the street?” you asked cutely as you followed him to the next aisle in the grocery store.

He nodded in response without looking at you.

As he turned into the next aisle, which happened to be where the hygiene products were, you continued following him. He walked past the toothbrushes, shampoos, and colognes.

You proceeded to follow him until he abruptly stopped.

He put his basket down and inspected the products on the shelves.

Blood rushed to your cheeks when you saw what he was planning to buy. “Ah.” It was a noise you made out of surprise, nothing more. You were completely flushed, dizzy from embarrassment as Geto stared down at you with a packet in his hand.

Extra thin for ultra pleasure.

XL.

Prelubed.

“You okay?” he asked, dropping the packet into his basket.

He was a guy, yeah, he was a man. This was normal. Yeah, he had a-

Your brain wasn’t working.

You shook your head without meaning to. “I-I forgot to buy something.” Not letting him say anything else, you rushed out of the aisle, omitting the way he was grinning.

After the two of you paid for the stuff, you started walking to the cafe together. You were lucky to have Geto by your side since he carried more bags than you ever could. He wouldn’t let you carry anything either so you ended up carrying the toilet papers.

Holding the door open for him, you walked inside the cafe. The employees behind the counter greeted you, smiling brightly.

“I’ll take normal coffee, black, no sugar or milk.” With that, he quietly walked to the furthest end of the shop by the large windows. Apparently, you were the one who was going to order.

You walked up to the employee who was waiting for you to order, you decided to try out their signature drink and ordered filter coffee for Geto. After getting your drinks on a tray, you made your way down to the table he sat, placing the tray carefully down.

Plopping down on the chair, you let out an exaggerated sigh, “I’m exhausted.”

“You didn’t do any of the heavy lifting, so you don’t get to complain,” he replied, taking his coffee from the tray.

You pouted your lips as you reached for your own drink. It got quiet as he looked out of the window, taking small sips of his coffee and enjoying the view. You on the other hand were fidgety. Mind still going back to recall what he had bought.

Well, he was handsome and charming. Geto clearly had a girlfriend. But… you hadn’t seen him with any other girl. What if it was Shoko?

Then it hit you. Shoko’s words she told you when you first arrived at the campus. It all started to make sense, she was trying to scare you so you wouldn’t make a move on his boyfriend.

You were curious.

Curiosity killed the cat.

“I-I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” you said, trying to hide your blushing cheeks behind the straw of your drink.

“What?” he chuckled and put his drink back on the tray.

Dumbfounded by his response you stuttered. “Your g-girlfriend.”

“My what?” He had heard you right but he needed to see you get flustered but when you stayed quiet he continued. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“I-I’m only asking because you bought-” your voice became faint, “ -that… ”

“The condoms?” This time he leaned forward on the table, raising a brow at you. “Do I need to have a girlfriend to buy condoms?”

“Keep your voice down,” you hushed him, your brain was turning into mush from shame and embarrassment, you couldn’t even think straight. “Please.”

“Huh? Why? We’re the only ones here.” He tilted his head to try meeting your eyes but you wouldn’t look at him. “Besides, why are you so why about this? Didn’t you and your boyfriend go out to buy one of these at some point?”

A silent thud made you look down at the table. There it was, in broad daylight, anyone could see it.

You were going to faint.

“Hmm?” Geto was waiting for an answer.

“No,” you said, head spinning from embarrassment, you had never felt like this before. You needed to go home. It was too overwhelming. There was this other thing bubbling in your stomach, your face was getting heated and your nails were digging into your palms.

That was anger. Rage.

“I don’t believe you. Haven’t your boyfriends ever-”

“I never had one.” For the first time in your whole life, you raised your voice.  

“Never?” Geto was more shocked at the revelation, not too surprised at your change of demeanor.  “That’s a shame.” Awe tingled in his soft voice.

You didn’t say anything.

Geto sighed, relenting quietly but his grin didn’t falter. “Okay,” he said, taking the condom packet from the table and putting it back in his pocket. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t sound genuine,” you spoke firmly. "Besides, you were the one to tell me not to forgive tactlessness. Isn’t it ironic?” Your tone had changed, you were speaking through your teeth, anger had taken over you.

Oh, this feisty side of you… he wanted to see how it would break.

“You think so?” A thoughtful yet mocking humming noise left him. “Aren’t you the one overreacting? All I did was to show you something I bought. You were the one asking about it. Shouldn’t it be me who should be upset with you?”

Silence.

“If you want to believe it’s my fault, I’ll let you think that way but don’t go blaming others for corrupting your virtue like a prude. It’s annoying and harmful. If you said those words to Satoru, he’d be devastated. So, be a good girl and grow up.”

Your chest tightened, no matter how much you inhaled no air was reaching your lungs. The panic had started settling in but it was all internal. You had put the facade back on, desperately trying to hold back your tears.

What he said was true. That was why it hurt so much.

“Ah, let’s head back,” he said, getting up from his seat. “It’s getting late.”

You nodded languidly, leaving your still full drink on the tray and shuffling after Geto with glossy eyes.

The guilt you felt was sublime, no words would be enough to describe it.

~~~

“She’s never had a boyfriend?” Gojo was baffled by the fact. “Does that-”

“Most likely,” Geto answered without needing to hear his question.

The two of them exchanged a competitive look with each other before they balled their good hands in fists.

“Rock paper scissors!”

~~~

There was a knock on your door. You pulled the sheets over your head instead of answering it. You hadn’t joined the boys for dinner, there was no way you could look them in the eye after what had happened today.

“We’re going to have drinks in Nanami’s room.” It was Geto. “I want you to join us.”

You pressed your face harder on the pillow.

“(name)?”

Maybe it was better if you answered the door before he burst into your room, which was unlikely since it was Geto. Gojo would have but Geto… no.

You walked to the door and falteringly opened it.

On the other side, Geto had a hand on your door frame, leaning forward.

Your eyes met but you immediately averted your gaze in shame. An apology was the first thing you needed to do. “I’m sorry.”

He scoffed, “Why are you apologizing?”

“For saying all those mean things.”

Geto leaned further down and used his free hand to pat on your head, ruffling your hair. “Don’t overthink it. I shouldn’t have teased you that much.”

The feeling of his warm, calloused hand on your head was reassuring, it made you regret saying those words to him even more. He had been nothing but kind to you.

“I’m so sorry, I must be so annoying and weak.” You lifted your head to look at him, eyes glossy and cheeks tinted. Your lower lip was trembling as your eyes were acutely watching him, waiting for a response.

Unable to resist your face in despair, Geto smiled. His hand cupped your cheek, caressing it softly with his thumb. “Don’t apologize. You’re a girl who’s desperately working hard to improve herself. There’s no way I could ever dislike you.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Why would I be?” His hand slid down along your jaw stopping when his thumb was hovering over the corner of your lip. He ran his thumb on your lip. “You’re such a sweet girl, it’s impossible staying mad at you. You’re adorable.”

Petrified, you stared into his eyes. The half-lidded eyes were hazy with an emotion you had never seen on anyone before. He was leaning closer towards your face all the while your heart was hammering inside your ribcage.

He was going to kiss you.

Instinctively, you closed your eyes, puckering your lips.

Geto watched your eyelashes flutter and cheeks flush with dark amusement before retrieving his hand from your face.

“Shall we go?”

His question made you open your eyes and instantly your cheeks flushed harder. Ahh, how embarrassing! You really thought he was going to kiss you.

You walked out of your room and closed the door to follow Geto downstairs to Nanami’s room.

Gojo’s chipper voice filled the empty hallway before you arrived in front of the room. Geto opened the door for you, gesturing you to walk inside first.

Nanami’s room was cleaner than yours, it was neatly organized and decorated but it reeked of cigarette smoke.

“Ahh, (name)! You came!!” Gojo quickly waved at you and patted on the bed for you to take the space next to him. “Come sit with me!”

Nanami glanced at you over his shoulder but didn’t do much other than bow his head slightly to greet you as he was smoking.

Decidedly, you took a step to join Gojo but a hand on your shoulder stopped you.

Geto led you to where Nanami was smoking and instructed you to sit down beside him on the floor. “Do you smoke?”

“Um… No.”

“Let’s not make her smoke,” Nanami suddenly said when he noticed Geto was bringing his own cigarette pack out.

“He’s right! She’ll reek of cigarettes!” Gojo was practically yelling, from the way his cheeks were tinted bright red, you could tell that he had been drinking. He was slurring most of his words.

“It was merely a question,” Geto sighed, putting a cigarette between his lips to light it.

Nanami pointed at the large plastic bag in the middle of the floor and spoke to you. “These are for everyone, you can take one if you want.”

With his remark, you crawled towards the middle and checked inside the bag. There was beer and a large bottle of wine along with a bunch of cigarette packs in it. “A-are we allowed to drink these on campus?”

“What? You’re gonna rat on us?” Gojo barked out a laugh.

“No,” you mumbled and reached for the wine bottle. “C-can I have this?”

“The whole thing?” Geto raised a brow, “Didn’t you learn to share?”

“Not the entire bottle, I just wanna try it.” You were too meek again, they had all figured you out enough to know what that meant.

“Don’t tell me…” Gojo was pointing a finger at you and grinning. “You’ve never tried alcohol before?”

“I never had the chance.”

You were just getting better the more they learned about you.

Nanami stubbed out the remaining of his cigarette. “Try not to drink too much on your first time.”

Geto glared at Nanami, the wine was there for you specifically. Higher the percentage, the bigger the chances of you letting your guard down.

When you made a move to put the bottle back in the bag to get a can of beer instead, Geto encouraged you to drink it. “We’ll all drink some from the bottle, don’t worry about drinking too much. We’re here with you to prevent that.”

Lies, lies, lies.

The way your eyes sparkled with appreciation when you looked at him as you were unaware of his intentions, was all too innocent. Pure as snow.

You opened the bottle and took a sip, grimacing right after. All of them laughed, making jokes about their first times and chatting about all of the other things until there was a lull in the conversation.

The silence was often filled by Gojo’s horrendous singing or your tipsy giggling, trying to tell a story and being unable to finish it because of how hard you were laughing in between each word.

“So,” Geto started, taking a long drag of his cigarette. “Satoru, when did you have your first kiss?” he asked as if he didn’t know every detail.

Gojo hummed in thought, pretending to try to remember. “I don’t know, maybe when I was twelve or fourteen.” There was a pause before he asked the same question to his friend, almost sheepishly. “When did you have yours, Suguru?”

“I was also fourteen if I remember it right.” Geto put his cigarette down on the ashtray to take a sip from his beer. “Nanami-”

“No.” Nanami didn’t pay attention to any of you and lit up another cigarette.

“Okay.” Geto rolled his eyes before they landed on you. “(name), what about you?”

“That’s… a secret.” You pressed your forefinger against your lips, shushing with a giggle.

“We’re all friends here,” Geto replied, biting back a laugh. “Friends don’t keep secrets from each other, right?”

His words made you look up to the ceiling to think for a long moment. Deciding that he was right, you bobbed your head. “Yes.”

“Yes to what?” Gojo chuckled, he was hanging off upside-down from the bed, pouting while you were thinking and thinking and thinking.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before~” you stretched the word out, barely managing to keep your eyes open. The bottle of wine in your hand was half empty. It wasn’t really a surprise but hearing you say it out loud when you were too shy to speak up your mind was purely erotic.

“Never ever?” Gojo was trying to drink his own beer upside-down.

You shook your head but then started nodding. “Ahh, sooo confusing! I really didn’t have my first kiss. Like ever.”

“That’s a lie, it must be! You’re very friendly.” Gojo sighed his next words, “All the boys must love you.”

Starting to fidgeting with fingers on your lap you shook your head to deny. “I’m not popular amongst boys. Not popular at all with anyone since I’m not that extrovert or pretty.”

“Perhaps you haven’t noticed the attention,” Geto went on to say. “You’re prettier than you think.”

Cheeks flushing, you lifted your gaze to meet his. “You’re just saying that.”

“Have I ever lied to you?” Geto chuckled, “As adorable you are, you’re also the nicest girl I’ve ever met.”

You beamed at him, eyes twinkling like stars. “Y-You really think so?”

“Yes, you’re soo cute!” Gojo joined, crawling towards you. “You’re gorgeous!”

“Aside from your stunning looks, you’re quite talented. Your cursed technique has a promising future and you’re able to learn quickly to improve yourself.” Geto put a hand on his face, covering the lower half of his face. “Hardworking and determined to become a special grade sorcerer, it’s inspiring if not admirable.”

Being bombarded with compliments made you feel like you were on the clouds. The validation you didn’t get from your own family past forgotten, you got lost in the sweetness of their words.

It all made you feel special.

“I’m so happy I came here, it feels like I belong here with you guys. I feel at home.” You started fiddling with the sticker on the wine bottle. “I’m very lucky to have you guys as my friends.”

Gojo pouted his lips and jumped towards you with his arms open. He wrapped them around you, rocking side to side. “You’re soooo adorable! How are you soo cute? I wanna eat you up, you’re like the cutest thing ever! Argh, what did I do to ever deserve you?”

Caught off guard, you hesitantly wrapped your arms around him. “I should be the one saying that.”

Pulling himself back, Gojo turned to Geto, “We should kiss her! Her first kiss should be with people who treasure her deeply. It’s such a sweet thing and as friends, it’s our duty to make that happen!”

“R-really?” Despite what he was saying was outrageous, you were giggling, eyes on him. Looking at him like he meant the world to you.

Innocence being corrupted. Poetic.

“She wouldn’t be comfortable doing that sort of stuff, Satoru. (name) is timid, don’t tease her.”

“I’m not teasing her!” Gojo looked down at you between his arms and blushed bright red, “I mean, I’d kiss her, wouldn’t ya?”

Nanami rolled his eyes, he had heard them rehearse this a million times and it still managed to make him feel the secondhand embarrassment and additionally physically make him grimace.

Nonetheless, it seemed to work for you. Time stopped moving for you, cheeks flushed and mouth agape, your eyes were on Geto, eagerly waiting for his answer.

Stubbing out his cigarette, he averted his gaze. “I would.”

“Nanami,” Gojo called next. “Would you kiss her?”

Nanami stared at the white-haired idiot, he had to be kidding. It was clear as day that they were trying to drag him back into the game.

“Nanami has the most experience between all of us,” Geto lied, now unable to hide his smirk. “You should kiss him, (name).”

This time, you were blushing faintly, eyes blinking slowly with a charming smile on your face. All of those were directed at Nanami and the longing look on your face was enough to make his breath hitch.

“Ah, he’s blushing!” Gojo pointed out with a laugh. “This might be the first time I’m seeing him blush!”

Of course, he would blush from seeing you the way they described you for the first time. Oh, so timid and innocent, begging to be ravished.

“Who do ya want your first kiss to be with, (name)?” Gojo asked softly, his voice coaxing you into safety. They were all your friends, they wanted to help you. They loved you. You knew that, right?

“I don’t know.” Your speech was slurred, the alcohol was starting to hit you harder now.

Gojo squeezed your cheeks together until your lips puckered and turned your face for Nanami to see. “She has such kissable lips, don’t ya think?”

Nanami was trying his best to hold his composure, not wanting to let himself lose control.

“If you don’t kiss her, I most certainly will take her first kiss.” Gojo pressed his lips on your temple, giving you a chaste kiss before moving to whisper in your ear. “I love you so much, so pretty and gullible. So adorable. I don’t wanna share you with anyone else.”

You tilted your head in delight at his words, letting his lips brush against your neck.

How easy to please!

Gojo smiled into your skin, pressing another kiss on your neck.

A cute noise left your lips.

Nanami twitched at the noise and Geto noticed it.

“You should take over before he eats her up,” he said with an amused grin.

Nanami shook his head but he was still unable to tear his eyes away from Gojo planting kisses on your neck and you squirming in pleasure in his arms.

He put an arm around your waist, pulling you a lot closer. You pulled your leg up on his leg to turn your torso towards him.

“What should we do, hmm?” he murmured, his eyes hazy behind his sunglasses. “Nanami doesn’t wanna kiss you but I do…”

Nanami couldn’t bring himself to look away from you. He wanted to jump on you, taking you right here and now as the two idiots watched in awe. Quickly he suppressed the fantasy with his own free will.

Gojo leaned down and you closed your eyes shut, puckering your lips to patiently wait for the kiss.

Nothing mattered anymore.

He put one hand on your waist, the other cupping your cheek as his lips pressed against yours. Your heart was beating rapidly, enough to make you conscious of everything your body was going through. The hand on your waist was hot against your skin and the lips pressing against yours… let heavenly.

You thought that was it. A simple kiss. You didn’t know you could kiss someone more than just pressing your lips against each other but Gojo took it further.

His lips moved harsh against yours, biting and sucking your bottom lip. His hand on your cheek slid to the back of your head and he grabbed a chunk of your hair. Once you opened your mouth to protest, he snaked his tongue inside.

You clutched on his shirt, tears dwelling in your eyes as you involuntarily tasted the bitter taste of beer on his tongue.

The hand on your waist moved to press on the small of your back to pull you in his lap. You moaned into the kiss, arching your back. He knew that was your weak spot, Nanami had told him. He also knew that your inner thigh-

You shrieked when another hand went to your inner thighs.

Breaking the kiss, you looked at Geto in surprise. He took the opportunity to use his free hand to pull you back by your hair and press his lips on yours.

Gojo made a small noise to protest but then turned the situation to his own advantage. His hands went to your waist, then up, up, and up until his thumbs reached to the swell of your breasts.

You opened your mouth in panic but it only helped Geto to force his tongue down your throat. The slick muscle twirled around your own tongue and you started to get dizzy from the taste of tobacco coming from him.

Gojo cupped your tits over your pajama top before starting to knead the supple flesh, you moved your hips subconsciously. Geto put a hand on your hip to move your hips, grinding you on Gojo’s knee. “That’s erotic, (name). I thought you never had a boyfriend before… You’re seducing us, aren’t you?”

Your cheeks flushed but you couldn’t give him an answer as Geto was busy ravishing your mouth with his tongue to savor your taste.

Finally, Geto pulled himself back, a small strand of saliva connecting your lips together broke apart as he smiled looking at your bruised lips.

Like Gojo had said, Geto’s smile was beautiful. A sight to relish. You were grateful to be the reason for his gorgeous smile.

“She’s definitely seducing us. Look at her.” Geto cocked his head to the side, staring down at you with a mocking expression on his face.

“I’m not…”

“You are,” Gojo joined, teasing you was too fun. “You were humping my leg ya know.”

“T-that was Geto-”

“Don’t lie.” Geto’s hand on your hips slid down between your legs and you slouched forward. You let out a moan when he pressed his fingers on your slit over the pajama pants as if he knew exactly where it was. You felt the wetness soaking your pants and leaving an icky feeling. You were about to ask him why he did that but he spoke, saying things that were so not true. “Only little sluts get this wet enough to soak their pants entirely.”

Gojo gasped dramatically. “You’re such a liar! I thought you were an innocent little girl.”

“I’m not…”

“So you’re not an innocent little girl?” Geto moved his fingers side to side, toying with your clothed clit as he pressed himself against you.

“Noo… I didn’t mean it that way…” Legs already shaking, only later you felt something firm and thick pressing on the cleft of your ass.

“You’re moving your hips, begging for it. I’m seeing it with my own two eyes! Having your first kiss must’ve made ya into a slut… You want it, don’t ya?”

You were blushing faintly, eyes blinking slowly while you looked up at Gojo. This was exactly what you wanted. Right? You had to be hoping for it if you were moving your hips like Gojo said. You had become a slut from having your first kiss.

“You cryin’?” Gojo was smirking.

“No?” Confused as to why he asked it, a purposeful grind of Geto’s hips on your ass made your mouth gape open. He was mimicking the movement of fucking you.

“So you like Suguru?”

Of course, he was such a gentleman… most of the time. He was kind and helpful. He always helped you train and looked out for you, giving you the best advice. You trusted him with your life.

“Hmm?” Gojo wasn’t about to repeat himself.

“I like him.”

Geto smirked and gestured with his head for Gojo to move away. With a sigh, the latter crawled away from you as Geto lifted you by your armpits to turn you to face him on his lap.

Your eyes were clouded with lust and your mind slurred with alcohol.

“You’re my little pipsqueak,” he said, caressing your cheek.

A nod.

“I’m going to take your innocence.”

Another nod.

Grinning, he grabbed the hem of your pajama top, lifting it up to your breasts and over your head. You lifted your arms above to help him get rid of the shirt. Since you hadn’t been wearing a bra, your tits bounced free.

Three pairs of eyes were on your bare chest, it made you blush and you covered yourself.

“We’re friends,” Geto assured, grabbing your wrist. “Friends don’t keep secrets from each other, remember?”

You let him pull your arms away from your chest and with a gorgeous smile, Geto placed his hands on your tits, rolling one nipple between his knuckles. He leaned forward to take your other tit in his mouth, causing you to moan audibly.

Gojo wasn’t shy to pull his pants down unlike Nanami who was still desperately trying to act like he was better than them. He wouldn’t stoop low like them. He wouldn’t. He knew he wouldn’t. But then why was he palming himself through his pants?

“Geto…”

“Suguru,” he told you, planting warm kisses on your chest.

“Suguru,” you repeated, gasping as he gently laid you down on the tatami floor.

Stunned, Nanami was unable to say anything as his upperclassman climbed on top of you on the floor of his room. He had told them to do whatever they were going to do anywhere but here. He had told them and Gojo-

“Yo, Nanami,” the guy in question spoke. “Wanna take her oral virginity?”

“What are you talking about?” This was all too much, he didn’t know anything about this.

“Ah, Geto’s taking her virginity cause I lost and he told me to decide whether to let you take her ass virginity or not but I’m feeling greedy, ya take her mouth.”

“I’m… I’m not a part of this!” Nanami’s voice was suppressed by your moan when Geto pinched your nipple. His cheeks tinted pink and he pulled his shirt down to cover his growing bulge.

“You are,” Gojo said, unashamedly spitting in his hand and wrapping it around the base of his cock while his eyes were on you. “I’ve seen ya jerk it off to her. With my own six eyes.”

Although the older one wasn’t looking at him, the mocking tone slapped Nanami in the face. At that moment he felt exposed. Gojo knew. He knew.

He knew how behind closed doors he had your panties scrunched in his hand, inhaling them deeply and jerking off to the picture Geto had emailed him. The low-quality photo had given him such good quality fantasies about you. But he wouldn’t act on them, he wasn’t like them.

He wasn’t-

“Suguru, wait,” you whined when he grabbed the waistband of your pajama pants.

“Nope, not waiting~” He pulled them down, and despite your protests, you lifted your hips to help him. Hooking his fingers into your panties, he peeled them down your legs agonizingly slowly.

(Without you seeing, he tossed them towards his friend who gratefully took them and wrapped them around his cock for extra friction.)

Immediately, you pressed your thighs together to cover your bare pussy. “I-I changed my mind.” Your cheeks were burning and your head was starting to spin. It was all happening too fast for your mind to catch up. “It’s so embarrassing.”

“I told you, we are all friends. Don’t you have any guy friends? This kind of stuff is normal between friends.” Geto’s calming tone was back, lulling you back into safety, telling you that it was all fine. “I’m going to be your first so that you’ll know exactly what to do next time.” There was a long pause and he pretended to frown, feigning being hurt. “I can stop if you want me to.”

Not wanting to disappoint him and fail this ritual of friendship, you shook your head. “N-no. I-I want this.”

Geto spread your legs and grabbed you by your ankles to pull you flush against his hips. “I want you too, pipsqueak.” A hand moved to palm himself through his pants, your eyes followed, watching him grab his bulge to show you how big he actually was.

Flustered, you averted your gaze but came face to face with something even more explicitly naughty.

Gojo’s pants were down to his thighs, enough to expose his cock. You saw his hand moving rapidly up and down on his cock with your panties around it, as he noticed your stare he quickened his hand.

“You shouldn’t look at some other guy when you’re doing it with me.” Geto put a hand on your cheek to turn your head to face him. Although you wanted to keep your eyes focused on his face, your gaze dropped onto his cock released from his pants.

Before you could get flustered over it, Geto cupped your pussy using a hand. His thumb grazed over your sensitive numb and two of his digits slid easily inside. You let out a sharp gasp, toes curling.

Ahh, this was why virgins were the best, awfully sensitive and obedient. The way they didn’t know what was being done to them was the best. Shy girls were the best. Geto loved fucking timid girls who trusted him with their whole life. Corrupting them, making them believe he loved them, and taking their innocence. You were his dark fantasy come alive as if you were made for him and him only.

However, Geto wasn’t that selfish. He could share. Sometimes.

“You’re soaking wet.”

“Don’t say that…”

“Why not?” Smiling he slid his fingers out of you and held them up to your face. Clear fluid was covering them from tip to base. He separated the digits and small strands of the fluids connecting his fingers thinned before splitting apart. “It’s the truth.” He opened his mouth, taking the digits in his mouth to lick your juices as you watched in shock. A low hum emerged from him as he contentedly licked his lips. “You taste sweeter than any candy.”

“Stooop,” you were giggling now, too flustered from his mellow words.

Even though he would love to tease you for hours and take all of your firsts for himself, Geto had to move on. He could hear Gojo grumbling under his breath aside from him jerking off. Also, there was the blonde one.

Geto glanced over his shoulder to steal a quick look at what Nanami was doing.

The second-year was watching intently. Waiting for his turn.

That made Geto chuckle and he turned to you, giving you all of his attention once again. He wrapped a hand around the base of his cock, giving it a simple pump. Though he wanted to stop at that thanks to his spit and the remaining of your juices on his hand, it helped his hand move smoothly, making him want to jerk himself until he came.

He quickly snapped out of it, positioning himself between your legs and dragging the tip of his cock along your folds before tapping lightly.

You murmured something.

“Hmm?”

“T-the condom,” you reminded shyly.

“It’s your first time, right?” he asked, almost too impatiently.

“Y-yes.”

“You’re completely safe on your first time.”

With that he shoved his entire length inside your virgin cunt, tearing your hymen. Both of you moaned for different reasons.

He slumped forward as your virgin walls pulsated around his cock, stretching around his girth and taking the shape of him.

“It hurts,” you mewled, grabbing onto his bicep. “Suguru, it hurts.” Tears welled up in your eyes and seeing that made Geto grow bigger inside of you. He tentatively pulled his hips back and pushed himself up from the floor to look at between your bodies.

His eyes were on the small amount of blood on his cock and dripping from your hole, staining the floor under you.

A sickeningly excited smile spread across his face and he slammed his hips into yours, making you cry out in pain. He planted both of his hands on the floor, each side of your head to gain more control over his pace, and started fucking you frantically.

Gojo let out a breathy laugh and tried matching his pace o his friend’s pace of fucking you. He wasn’t going to last long but Geto seemed like he was going to last longer.

Your hands went to his shoulders, pulling him closer rather than pushing him. He knew you needed the closure. This was something lovers did with each other and Geto wanted to teach you all of it. Definitely not because fucking timid and innocent girls was his fetish.

His thrusts were like an animal in heat, desperately and frenziedly hammering into your pussy. Each time his balls slapped against your ass you let out a shaky moan, the pain now a faint memory.

Your narrow entrance and virgin walls clamping on his cock were heavenly. Every time he moved, your pussy throbbed, clenching around him and you let out those adorable moans he was desperate to hear. He couldn’t stop moving his hips, it was impossible.

“Am I doing good?” you asked, gasping sharply between each word.

Innocent, so innocent.

Geto completely lost himself.

He grabbed the back of your knee and pushed both legs until he could mount you entirely.

In this position he was going so deep, it made your eyelashes flutter and you lost your vision for a moment.

His cock continued stroking your gummy insides while he thrust in your cunt with a vigorous pace but he couldn’t last long because of your virgin walls squeezing around him like you were trying to milk him dry.

He managed to steal a few more thrusts before his cock started twitching inside you. Geto pushed himself balls deep inside you and the tip of his cock kissed your cervix, making your toes curl as his cock spurted thick ropes of cum inside your womb, filling your tummy.

You could feel his seed fill your womb and overflow, as well as the slight twitch of his balls on your skin. It made you bite your lip, your face was wet with tears and possibly snot. However, it didn’t stop Geto from leaning down to kiss you while he continued fucking his cum into you.

Once he broke the kiss, you got to get a good look at his handsome face. His hair was a mess, his bun had mostly come undone and small strands were sticking to his forehead from sweat.

Before the two of you could enjoy the afterglow or catch your breaths, you heard Gojo clear his throat.

Suddenly, shame overflowed all of your senses. Geto on the other hand was unphased, he pulled out of you to watch his cum ooze out from your pussy with amusement. He then whipped his head around to glare at Gojo. “Can’t you stop breathing so hard and moaning when you’re jerking off? I don’t wanna hear any of that when I’m fucking.”

The breaking of the character was fine. You were still lost in your own thoughts and unable to comprehend anything other than how you had lost your virginity to some ‘bad boy’ who was only kind to you. You laid on the floor, exhausted and stuck in your mind.

Gojo laughed, “Nanami, you’re seeing this? I told you he gets sooo mad when you do it, heheh”

“You’re speaking too bravely for someone who has his dick out.” Geto sat on the tatami floor, furrowing his eyebrows.

“What? Ya gonna suck it?”

“I will kill you,” he hissed.

The two were arguing with each other when Nanami got up from where he was sitting and walked over to you.

“Ah.” Gojo was smirking, staring at the tent on the blonde one’s pants. “He’s going at it.”

Geto hummed approvingly.

Nanami crouched next to your head, staring at your bare chest up close. You were gorgeous, your skin looked so soft and your face stained with tears…

He had been trying and trying and trying to hold back but you were too stunning. Seeing you from their perspectives had enchanted him, arousing him to the point of being unable to think clearly.

“Nanami?”

Your eyes were clouded with lust and he could see his own reflection in them. Right now, you needed him and he was more than willing to provide.

Nanami placed a hand on your cheek and caressed the soft skin before leaning in for a kiss. You didn’t refuse, accepting his lips pressing against yours. You tried moving them like Geto had done with you but Nanami’s kiss… It was more gentle yet more possessive. He pushed his tongue inside to twirl your tongues together, to make sure you remembered his taste for a lifetime as he desperately tried savoring yours.

Placing one hand on your tit to knead the soft flesh, he used his other hand to pull down his pants, releasing his aching cock free. As soon as his cock was out, he grabbed your hand and guided it to his exposed cock.

Your eyes widened and you pulled your hand back, breaking the kiss.

“Nanami, you can’t-”

“You are friends, right?” Gojo interrupted, appearing behind Nanami.

It was quiet for a moment before you nodded ever so hesitantly and looked at Nanami, attempting to avoid looking at his cock hovering over your face.

“Nanami wants you to be his first.” Gojo grinned down at you, pushing his sunglasses up to his hair.

“F-first? His-”

Nanami flushed bright red at the revelation and you found yourself blushing as well.

“You should help him out like Suguru did to you! That’s what friends are for!” Gojo’s encouraging words and the power of friendship talk were too much, Nanami almost went limp until Gojo grabbed your hand and guided it back to Nanami’s cock. “Here, I’ll help you.”

Both of you flinched at the intimate skin contact.

Gojo assisted your hand to wrap around the base and slide it up slowly towards the tip glistening with precum. You didn’t need to use your spit to get him nice and slick as his own precum was more than enough. Your classmate made you pull the thin skin towards the tip down to expose the pink tip of the blonde one’s cock whose shoulders tensed in response. “He seems to be sensitive around the tip. You should use your mouth and tease the tip, (name)! On second thought, he would love it if you let him use your mouth!”

All you did was to open your mouth to approve.

Oh, so obedient.

Nanami on the other hand was being torn apart.

He was better than this. He was a good person. He wouldn’t be the type of person to take advantage of some dumb girl to indulge in his own fantasies and-

“Here, lemme help, Nanami.”

Putting his hands on the younger one’s hips, Gojo pushed Nanami forward into your mouth. Your teeth barely grazed against the tip and he moaned at the sensation of your warm mouth. He couldn’t even get angry at Gojo.

Geto sat on the other side of you and instructed you to move closer to Nanami so you could take him in your mouth completely. He placed a hand on the back of your head and helped you bob your head, giving you praises.

Gojo didn’t need to move Nanami’s hips anymore, the blonde one was too lost in pleasure to hesitate or think about his nonexistent pride.

With you being on your hands and knees as you were giving Nanami a blowjob, Geto gave Gojo a thumb up, telling him everything was good to go.

Finally, getting his turn, Gojo slowly crawled behind you like a predator about to bounce on its unaware prey. He spat in his palm and started jerking himself off to get hard again, he had lost count of how many times he had come when Geto was devouring your cunt but he could go on until the morning.

“Arch your back, pipsqueak.”

Complying Geto’s words, you lifted your ass up in the air.

“Now, Gojo’s going to do something really naughty. Be careful not to bite Nanami.”

You made a noise in protest but Nanami silenced you with a sudden thrust of his hips. The tip of his cock grazed the back of your throat, making you gag. Which worked in his favor because now he could shove his cock further down your throat thanks to your tongue laying flat and jaw unclenched.

Gojo put a hand on your ass cheek and spread it, groping the soft flesh before drooling over your hole.

A wave of panic washed over you and you moved your hips to get away. Gojo had you exactly where he wanted though, he pushed two digits inside and stretched them slowly in a scissoring motion. He was breathing heavily while rubbing his cock at the display of you getting skullfucked and ass being played with by him.  

You started squirming, letting out panicked noises that were being muffled by Nanami’s cock in your mouth. The blonde was going insane by your throat clenching around him. His hips slammed into your face, shoving his cock down and down and down until your nose met the blonde hair on the base.

A cough, a gag, and suddenly your face was turning blue. Nanami had a sick expression on his face and the other two were too busy to notice your current problem of not being able to breathe.

“Satoru, stop making gross noises.”

“I can’t help it, she’s so erotic.” He gasped, incapable of holding another second back. He pressed the tip of his cock on your entrance and slowly pushed it inside.

Nanami grabbed a chunk of your hair and started fucking your face. He couldn’t stop thrusting inside your mouth and ravishing you. Making you his own cockslut.

Gojo was still trying to push himself inside you but you were just so tight.

“Shouldn’t you prepare her a little more?” Geto hid a laugh behind his hand.

“I like it tight,” Gojo replied, placing his hands on your hips to pull you towards himself as he was pushing into you.

Not letting you rest, Gojo pulled his hips back, only to suddenly slam into you until almost his entire length was inside. Gojo’s fun was cut short though, as Nanami was choking you with his cock, your walls clenched around Gojo’s cock enough to make him cum instantly.

Geto still hadn’t noticed your face turning blue and had thought his friend just couldn’t hold back anymore. He burst into laughter, making fun of him

The vibrations coming from your throat while you were trying to scream were too much for Nanami to handle. His cock twitched inside your throat moments before he came down your throat. He pulled out and rested his cock on your lips as the tip was still spurting his creamy seed.

He held you in place by your hair as your mouth opened and you tried spitting out his cum. Brows furrowing in pain and anger you glared up at him through your lashes that also happened to be covered in cum. Closing one eye, you continued glaring at him.

“Ahh, you look great covered in cum,” he said, wiping his cum away from your lips using his thumb and pressing a long kiss on your swollen lips. “Sorry, I got over myself.”

After his apology, your mood changed instantly. “Did it feel good?”

“It felt amazing!” Gojo answered instead of Nanami, “This guy probably felt good too, I saw his legs shaking in pleasure. You’re such a good girl, (name)!”

“She’s talented and lovely too.” Geto used your own pajama top to wipe your face. “Just my type.” He patted on your head, pressing a chaste kiss on your hair.

Now, you were blushing. “T-thank you.” You sat on the floor in the middle of all of them. Realizing that you were the only bare-naked person in the room made you cover yourself. “Um… Can I get a blanket or something?”

Nanami did as you politely asked while the other two started plotting their next move.

It was too easy to please you. Easier than to trick you.

Nanami joining them would make everything go butter smooth, this ‘friends don’t have boundaries with each other’ play could go on until you graduated. Geto was smirking at Gojo as he lit a cigarette, their senior year was going to be as boring as he thought it was going to be.

~~~

When Shoko returned to the campus three weeks after leaving, she wasn’t expecting you to be there.

But there you were in the secret smoking spot, sitting on Geto’s lap and trying to smoke a cigarette while Gojo laughed at your coughing. Nanami was smoking quietly but a gentle expression was on his face as he watched you try taking a drag from the cigarette again.

Perhaps, you were dumber than she gave you credit for. She wasn’t the one to judge though, she lit a cigarette and walked towards the group to join them teasing you.

[writersblog20]

Everybody has a hard time, from time to time

Tom Hiddleston x Freader

Warnings: reader being drunk, little bit of anxiety but disguised as nervousness.Angst but not too much. Language. And feeling worthless. Readers boss gaslighting her but it’s not much. age-gap reader is 25. Implied smut sort of? But also not really

Words: 3470

Summary: The reader meets Tom Hiddleston and he asked her out on a date. But on the date she gets a call from her extremely drunken best friend….

A/N: I just went with it and I don’t even know what it turned out hahaha I'm also sorry for the spelling mistakes and stuff

Everybody has a hard time from time to time

Y/N was walking down the streets. Headphones in and 4 coffees on a tray. She sighed and started walking faster back to her stupid job. Her boss gave her a really hard time but lately it had gotten worse. She tried to calm down and take a minute but balancing lunch and coffee was definitely not on her resume. She was so lost in her thought that she got back to it until her butt hit the pavement pretty hard.

Everything went so fast and she felt the very hot coffee on her chest soaking her blouse. “Fuck!” she cursed out. “oh my god I’m so sorry” the man said who was kneeling besides her now trying to help her. “it’s fine. Just going to get fired now. but honestly it’s fine” you said in anger.

You looked up and to your surprise you saw it was your favorite actor Tom Hiddleston. Worry filled his pool blue eyes. you wanted to freak out but honestly you were more freaking out about your boss right now. “God I really am sorry ma’am. Let me pay for some new coffee!” he told you kindly. You carefully tried to dry your blouse. Tom got a dry sweater from his bag.

“please take it, god I’m so sorry” He told you with actual more worry in his eyes. “is there anything I can do for you? I can walk with you to your boss to explain what happened” he told you a little panicked. You chuckled at the sweet gesture and started to feel sorry for him because how bad he felt.

“It’s okay. I doubt that would change much.” He nodded. “are you hurt?” he asked you helping you up. “eh no I’m fine I think.” You told him. “I’m really sorry please take my jumper. I know it isn’t much but at least it’s dry” he told you and almost shove it in your hands. “thank you!” you told him and he looked a little more relaxed that he at least could do something for you.

“well I should go now.” you told him. “I do need that jumper back” he told you with a grin and you started to feel flustered. “right I’m sorry I….” he cut you off before you could finish that sentence. “I ehm never really do this but how about you give it back on our date? If you would gladly accept of course. My treat for what happened.” You were starstruck but you thought he wanted to take you on a date out of pity. “ you don’t have to do that Tom, you don’t have to take me on a date because you feel bad. Gives off the wrong signals.” You told him while cleaning your pants from the dirt on the ground.

“I’m eh Tom” he told you. You chuckled “yeah I know. Big fan” you said still chuckling and he giggled a little. He waited for you to say your name but you were lost in thoughts again. “oh I’m sorry I’m Y/N” he giggled and gently took your hand and placed a kiss on the top of it. “it’s really nice to meet you. And again I’m very sorry how we met” he said scratching his head. “it’s not all your fault. I was very lost in thought so I should've looked where i was walking” you told him.

“I want to take you out on a date because you are magnificently beautiful and now I have more of a reason to make it up to you. That’s why I want to take you out.” He told you with a gentle smile. “oh ehm well then I would love to go on a date with you” you told him flustered feeling extremely dumb at the moment. “Are you free this Saturday evening?” he asked you. “yeah absolutely” you told him. he gave you his phone and you put your number in it. “I’ll text you.” He said with a wink. “okay” was all you could say. You stood there for a minute before going back.

On your way you changed into Tom’s jumper and got new coffee and lunch. You made your way back to your job. You obvious got shit from your boss and you told her what happened but she wasn’t taking it. “you are absolutely worthless! You can’t even get some fucking coffee! I don’t even know why I hired you in the first place. You can go and you don’t have to come back” she told you

It made you furies. There was no way she would take you back and honestly you wouldn’t even want that. “That’s fine cause I wanted to quit either way. You are one horrible person and treat people like shit but honestly you are the biggest piece of shit in this whole building. Probably even in this whole city. So I don’t mind. Bye!!!” you told her and she looked dumbfounded by your sudden outburst.

You walked out of the building with your head up high and a big smile on your face. You really felt more alive at this moment. You got back home and that’s when it hit you that you still had to pay your rent. You started cursing and kicked a chair. You called one of your friends and he came right away to you. “Girl! You got some bad bitch energy! How you stood up against her… I mean damn. That and you have a date with The hot Tom Fucking Hiddleston! Girl you’re so lucky!” he told you while shaking a cocktail for you both.

You chuckled “I’m not gonna drink right now” you told him. “Girl you have better plans? You just got fired and you have nowhere to be right now so just take that drink and live a little! You’re 25 for god’s sake!” You chuckled again and took the drink from him. “you know what you should do? Sell your art! Finish that book that you were writing! I mean I’ve seen your work and it’s absolutely amazing! And since I’m in the art business I might be able to help you out in that and give you an exposition! ” He told you. “let me think about it okay?” you told him a little sad.

“babe you’ve got to stop being scared! You are absolutely amazing on every front! Everyone can see that except for you. So please let me do this for you” He told you. “I just don’t want to get my hopes up and be declined like almost always. I don’t feel good enough and I don’t think I can take another rejection again” you told him honestly.

“it’s life babes…. There will be times where you’re still going to get rejected but don’t let that bring you down. You have to keep fighting for it. And your art is worth fighting for. Believe me! I’m your most honest friend and I’m telling you this from the bottom of my heart. You are good enough! Hell you are more than that! You just have to believe in yourself!” you smiled at his kindness and thought about it. “you know what? Fuck it! Let’s do it!” you told him feeling strong! “yes queen! that’s my girl! Bad bitch energy!” you giggled and got immensely drunk to celebrate it.

~time skip~

The week got by pretty quick and as Luke told you, you got accepted and they were more excited to give you an exposition. You started to search for jobs that you would actually like and started writing again. Life was going good again and you felt so strong and confident until you had the date which would be tomorrow.

You were so nervous. Tom didn’t text you yet and you didn’t have his phone number so it was hard to get in touch with him. Anxiety got the best of you. What if he forgot? What if he forgot about you or changed his mind? Just when your mind got into overdrive you heard your phone pinged. You quickly got it and saw an unknown number. You felt your heart pound in your chest. You opened the text.

“Hello Love, It’s Tom. Are you still up for tomorrow? I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch sooner, it was a chaotic week.” It felt like you could breathe again and texted him back immediately. “Hey Tom, Yes I’m still up for tomorrow. Can’t wait!” You send the message and immediately thought you should texted him a different message. Your phone went off again. But this time he called you. You drowned your wine for some confident.

“Hey Tom.” You said a little nervous. He chuckled. “hello darling” your heart skipped a beat at the nickname and you felt butterflies I mean it was Tom Hiddleston for god’s sake! “I’ll pick you up around 5. Is that okay?” he asked you. “eh yeah of course sure! I ehm am looking forward to it!” you told him honestly. “me too darling” he told you with a chuckle. You both said your goodbyes and you put your phone down.

You tried to watch a movie to get your mind of off your anxiety. When the movie was over you tried to go to bed but you kept staring at your ceiling. I’m not like the other girls he dated. You thought to yourself. But then tried to set it straight by saying maybe that’s the point but then other thoughts consumed you. You tried to fight all the thought by positives one until the early hours of the morning. You finally fell asleep around 5 AM.

Once you woke up you got very excited. It was already 2 in the afternoon since you slept so crappy. You texted your Luke but got no response. You figured he was still asleep. You picked your clothes and 5 PM got around faster then you thought it would. You heard your doorbell and opened up. There he was standing Tom Hiddleston. Alongside with some flowers. No other date had given you flowers. He checked you out with his lips slightly parted. He chuckled: “wow you look amazing!” he said with a small blush creeping up on his cheeks. You giggled. “you too mister Hiddleston” you said boldly which made him chuckle again. He really did look great. He wore a small blouse and a blue blazer over it and jeans. “oh eh these are for you” he told you. You could tell he was nervous as hell which made you feel a little bit more at peace knowing that you weren’t the only one.

“come inside. I’m just going to put these in some water.” You told him and he followed you inside. He loved your apartment. It gave off such a warm cozy vibe. It felt like home. He looked at your art work on the wall. “I adore your apartment.” He told you which made you smile. “thank you” you told him kindly. “I’m ready to go” you told him with a chuckle. You got your coat of the hanger. “Here let me, please.” He told you and got the coat out of your hands and helped you in your coat. It made you flustered and swoon. God you were already falling head over heels for this men.

You both walked into a restaurant but it wasn’t a fancy one but more cozy. You loved it. You talked for hours and both drank some red wine. You both hit it off so well and you were absolutely smitten. And he was too if not more. You both were so much on one line it was amazing. You knew you would never find this again and it kind of scared you. You told him about your boss since he asked if you got trouble that day you first met him and you told the story until you got a call from Luke.

You frowned a little. He knew you were on a date and he would never interrupt you unless it was an emergency. “everything okay?” Tom asked you. “Yeah I just have to take this. I am so sorry!” He chuckled it’s fine” he told you reassuring. You nodded and walked off to the bathroom and picked up. “Luke? What’s wrong?” you asked when you heard him sobbing on the phone. You could tell he was absolutely smashed. “Can you please come to my place? I really need you right now. you can even take Tom with you but please” He begged you with an obvious slur. You felt your heart break for him. You sighed. “alright I’m on my way. Can you hang on?” you asked him. “yeah” he told you still crying. “Thank you so much Y/N I’m so sorry” he told you. “I know it’s okay. I’m on my way okay?”

You hang up the phone and went back to Tom. “everything alright?” he asked you and you felt so guilty. “I eh my friend he needs me right now. he is absolutely smashed and crying and I don’t know what is wrong but he asked me to come to him.” Tom looked at the table “I’m so sorry! I had a lovely time and I would love to do this some time again! If you still want to of course…” You said the last part a little softer. He smiled at you. “I eh could go with you if you’d like and if it’s okay with your friend.” Tom told you. “Are you sure? You really don’t have to” you told him. “I’m going to be honest with you. I really like you and I don’t want this evening to stop…. So if that means taking care of your drunken friend to be with you, I will. But I understand if you feel different.” This time Tom said the last part a little softer. You chuckled and felt your body filling up with love. “I really like you too Tom and in that case… Let’s go” you chuckled. He looked a little surprised but happy.

Tom paid the bill even when you tried to intervene but he wasn’t having it. “next time you can pay” he told you with a wink. You were flustered. He helped you to get your coat on and you both made your way. You slightly touched his hand and put yours in his. He looked a little surprised down at you. “I eh is this okay?” you asked him a little nervous. “it is, love.” You looked down a little with a smile. His thumb caressing the back of your hand softly. “I’m really sorry about this.” You told him honestly. “really it’s okay. I totally understand!” he told you truthfully.

You got to Luke’s house and you used your keys. “Luke? It’s me, where are you?” you asked him. you heard Abba blasting through the speakers. You immediately turned it down a bit. Empty bottles were laying everywhere. “Y/N?” Luke called out to you. You followed the sound and saw him laying by the toilet. You took of your coat and walked over to him and sat him down by the toilet. “What happened?” you asked him. he sniffled a little. “Cooper broke up with me and even over a text message” you looked at him a little sad for him. you went with your hands through his hair. Tom stood behind you but Luke didn’t notice yet. Luke started to laugh. Great mood swings you thought. Tom gave you a glass of water and you smiled a little at him. You gave the water to Luke. He looked up and saw Tom. Tom waved at him a little. “oh he’s so cute and hot!” he told you like Tom wouldn’t hear it. You started to laugh. You looked at Tom and he chuckled.

“I’m sorry I ruined your date” he looked at you and Tom. “we’ll there’s going to be a second so don’t worry too much about it” you told him and you looked at Tom who winked at you. Luke started to throw up and you both looked away. You softly touched Luke’s back to let him know you weren’t going anywhere. “you okay?” you asked after he was done. “yeah I think I can get up now.” he told you. “okay good let’s get you upstairs then.” You helped Luke up which was a challenge on its own. “here let me” Tom said and took Luke over from you. He put Luke’s arm over his shoulders and helped him upstairs. Luke started to stare at Tom.

“Luke…. You’re staring.” You told him. “I know.” Luke told you serious and furrowed his eyebrows at Tom. “Look. I’m thankful you help me but you better take care of my best friend alright! She’s an angel and don’t you dare to hurt her!” he slurred at Tom while you were already in Luke’s bedroom. “I’m not planning on it mate. I promise.” He told Luke. He narrowed his eyebrows. “yeah I believe that. Finally a good guy Y/N!” he yelled happy at you. You flustered again. You mouthed: “I’m sorry” at Tom and he just gave you a reassuring smile. You both put Luke into bed. You put an extra pillow under his head for the nausea. You put down a bucket and a glass of water beside him.

“please stay the night. I don’t want to be alone and your boyfriend can stay too” you were both flustered at the last part Luke said. “I’ll stay don’t worry. But you need some sleep now.” Luke nodded and turned around. “I love you” Luke told you sleepy. “I love you too” you told him and closed the door and leaned against it. “I’m really sorry about this. Normally it doesn’t happen” you told Tom a little embarrassed. He put a hand on your cheek “it’s okay love. Really we all have moments like this” you nodded. “well I need a drink now…. You want one?” you asked and chuckled. “yeah sounds good” he said and chuckled as well.

You both went downstairs and took out the empty bottles and after that made you both a drink. You sat down on the couch and Tom next to you. You both talked into the late hours and started to get drunk. You were leaning against Tom by now. you looked up at him and he looked down at you with love and adoration in his eyes. “please stay tonight.” You kind of asked him. “only if you want me to” he told you. “yeah I do. But just to clarify I never took a guy back home (or well my friends house) to stay the night” You told him with a chuckle. He laughed as well. When it got silence you just stared at each other.

His face ,slowly, started to get closer to you giving you enough time to pull away but instead you softly put your lips on his. His hand caressing your cheek and your hand in his hair slightly pulling at it as the kiss started to get heated. He pulled you on his lap, both of your legs on either side of him. His hands going under your shirt and stayed on your back. He slowly got up and laid you down on the couch with your legs around his waist. You broke from the kiss and put your hand on his chest. “Tom…. I don’t want to do it on the first date and definitely not here” you chuckled which made him giggle as well. “totally understandable!” He told you.

“I can go I you want me to” he told you. “no, please stay.” He gave you a warm smile that made your heart melt. You made some space so Tom could lay down as well. You laid your head on his chest and he went with his hands through your hair. Well this was definitely not the perfect date…. But luckily it was with the perfect guy.

[lestatslestits]

Dear Evan Hansen info dump! Dear Evan Hansen info dump! Pls I saw it in London and fucking despised that show

OKAY sorry this took a while I got tied up at work.

For those unfamiliar, here’s a very basic rundown of the plot as I remember it because I refuse to revisit it.

Content warning for. So many things. Suicide, mental illness, lying, gaslighting, and like. Just a weird song about siblings. I dunno.

So basically there’s this kid named Evan Hansen who has social anxiety and probably depression, and he sees a therapist, who has told him to write letters to himself as an assignment. It’s the first day of school after summer break and his arm is in a cast because he broke it climbing a tree. This is our “hero.”

He’s got a crush on a girl named Zoe (Zoey?), who he desperately wants to notice him but he’s awkward and shy and has a song about it. Zoe’s older brother, Connor, is what happens when 45 year old theatre producers google what a depressed teenager looks like. I think he may actually be described in canon as looking like a school shooter? Even if I’m wrong about that, it’s clearly the intended vibe.

So Evan goes to school with his letter, meets Connor there (who he does not know at all, and that is extremely important), and Connor asks to sign his cast. He does it HUGE letters so it’s impossible to miss, but while this interaction goes down he finds Evan’s letter, which talks about how he has put all of his hope into his relationship with Connor’s sister, Zoe. It’s worded weirdly ambiguously because it’s a surprise tool that will help us later. Anyways, Connor freaks out at the idea of Evan writing about his sister, and he takes the letter.

Later Evan gets called into the office to speak to Connor’s parents, because Connor has committed suicide. And on his person is a letter that begins “Dear Evan Hansen.”

So now everyone is convinced he was Connor’s only friend, and that this was Connor’s suicide note. Connor’s family starts asking Evan questions about Connor and instead of explaining the mixup, Evan just ???? Goes with it???????????? He makes up a WHOLE ASS BACKSTORY about his deep friendship with Connor, writes additional Dear Evan Hansen letters, and develops a relationship with Connor’s grieving family.

A person at school (in the musical the character is a girl but in the movie I think the actor is non-binary and I dunno if the character will be or not) sets up a memorial for Connor and asks Evan to speak. He does, someone posts his speech on youtube, and he goes mega viral for talking about the impact Connor had on him. Suddenly a whole campaign starts, around the phrase “You will be found.”

Evan gets super famous, but his mom and his friend uhhh Jared I think is his name have gotten wise and shit is falling apart.

Okay I did have to google a bit for the ending because I blocked it out.

Ultimately Evan confessed what he did to Connor’s family, because the “suicide note” got leaked online and now people blame Connor’s parents. So he comes clean in a way that is like “I’m so sorry, but please consider that I was sad.”

And they’re mad but they don’t pursue it at all or tell anyone about all of his lies because ???? What are consequences???

Evan’s mom finds out that his fall that led to a broken arm was actually a suicide attempt, so she feels guilty and sad for??? Being a single mom and having to work?????

A year later Evan meets up with Zoe who says that actually everything Evan did was okay because it brought her family closer together, and actually thru needed this.

Evan has no consequences, other than feeling kind of guilty, and the show ends with him writing another letter to himself.

So like.

Where do I start? The weird infantilizing bullshit of a sad white boy receiving no consequences for his actions?

The fact that all of the work on “The Connor Project” is done by the show’s one (1) character who is regularly cast as a person of color, who receives no appreciation?

The fact that, oh yeah, it turns out that Connor was emotionally abusing his sister for years, to the point where she has a whole song about how she doesn’t know how to mourn for someone who has caused her so much pain. Evan, aware of this, uses his own ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR ZOE to come up with a lot of stuff to “prove” that Connor actually cared about her, making her believe that her dead brother who tormented her actually gave a shit, because it helped Evan get a girlfriend. This plot point literally FLABBERGASTS me because I never see anyone talk about it. Also I’m pretty sure the tie-in book tried to retcon this and make it an unreliable narrator thing and in general to make Connor more sympathetic by making him queer???, but it’s never addressed in the musical, so it’s not really possible to consider that canon.

Also Evan sings a song, allegedly from Connor’s perspective, about all the things he (a character who is romantically interested in her) thinks about her....using her dead brother as a mouthpiece???

The fact that Broadway started a whole #youwillbefound movement. That’s right. They started a suicide awareness campaign based off of a COMPLETELY CANONICALLY FAKE CAMPAIGN and people took it seriously, like people who sing The Last Five Years at their weddingsxhhkkgukj

Uhh the fact that the fandom woobifies both Evan and Connor and SHIPS THEM together even though they do not know each other, which is literally the point of the story 🤪🤪🤪

I could go on but damn I’m pissing myself off.

WAIT I forgot to add that @wolfsbaneblooming said she thought the movie trailer was an SNL sketch and she’s RIGHT

Uhh tagging @theclichefortunecookie because I promised an infodump

[honey-harper-official]

Lies

In Supernova Adrian said they were going to have a talk about lying but we never got the talk in the book so I’m writing it. Takes place a few months after the Supernova once everything has calmed down a bit.

Angst and fluff and discussing Honey and the Anarchists over sexualizing Nova for the Gala like what the fuck was that? Also slight trigger warning for abuse because all the gaslighting Nova went under is discussed but not in depth.

Anyways as always please reblog.

Word Count: 2979

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The supernova at the cathedral had happened three months ago. Now things had settled down, the ground work for new plans in Gatlon in the works and Nova having her own apartment.

It was good for her to have her own space. Adrian knew that even though she had been manipulated into most of what happened, she still felt tirelessly guilty for it all and didn't like overstaying her welcome anywhere. Like his own house.

His dads loved Nova, despite everything, but Nova just felt awkward about it all. He hoped their relationship would be improved over time. Her relationship with Danna, Ruby, and Oscar certainly had improved and he could only hope things fully healed.

But now that things were getting better, Adrian figured it was a good time to finally have the talk about lying with Nova. They both agreed that it was needed but everything had been so hectic and stressful that it got put aside.

The two of them were sitting in Nova's apartment, the movie they were watching having just finished.

He reached out and slipped his hand in hers, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Hey Nova," He said.

"Hmm?"

She tilted her head up at him, her hazel eyes meeting his. Originally they had been blue when he met her, but the more she healed and began to sleep, they had been turning brown. He had asked her about it before and she explained that she had in fact been born with brown eyes but they changed to blow when she stopped sleeping and lived in the tunnels, to adjust better to all the dark. He hated that for most of her life she lived in the dark, surrounded by villains but somehow alone.

"I think we should have that talk about lying," Adrian suggested, almost holding his breath. They were having a nice night together and while now was their chance, he wasn't sure if it was the perfect moment. But it was now or never.

Nova looked a little surprised by the statement but she didn't seem upset. "Okay. Where do you want to start?"

She pulled away from him. At first she had been curled up beside him but she slid down the couch to properly face him, her hand still in his. She squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"I know that you couldn't exactly tell me the truth and obviously you aren't lying to me anymore but... you still lied and told me dozens of half-truths like it was nothing."

Nova sighed. "It wasn't nothing. At first it was no big deal. Then as I got to know you and the others more I hated it. I hated it so much and I hated that you lied to me too. I hated that yes I lied to you but you lied to me just as much and acted like your own secrets didn't hurt me as much as mine hurt you. I know that you never tried to kill someone and were doing what you thought was right but it's not like I wasn't doing what I thought was right either."

Her words stung. But it was the truth. He knew she hated the Sentinel just as much as he hated Nightmare and while he had every right to be upset about her being Nightmare, it wasn't like he was any better. Both of them went after the other's family, at least if you were counting the Anarchists as Nova's family. And both of them had gone against the council with secret identities and lying to each other.

But still, he couldn't fathom how she ever thought she was doing something right. He understood that being raised by Anarchists would make her want to get rid of the government. Yet he couldn't understand how she thought it would be good for everyone when society was improving, thriving. She obviously had been wronged by the Renegades, there was no doubt about it.

Adrian's mother may have died on the way to help, but Nova had told him that she had waited hours alone with no help. That and they had stopped looking for her when she very obviously had been taken by Ace. They had every chance to find her but didn't.

"I know the Anarchists raised you and obviously you had the right to be upset with the Renegades but how could you think that what you were doing was right?" Adrian asked.

"Because I didn't know any better. I had no access to outside resources to tell me anything different and they knew that. They kept me from learning and it's not like I could leave them. I mean even if I did escape what would happen to me then? Do you think anyone would care to adopt Ace Anarchy's niece let alone help me? Do you think if I had been outright about it with the Renegades and looking for help do you think anyone would have trusted me?"

Nova was making a valid point. She didn't have the option to leave and if she had come to the Renegades for help, Adrian didn't think he'd trust her either. He didn't think anyone would. Maybe they'd try, but being raised by Anarchists and being Ace Anarchy's niece was suspicious to anyone, even if it wasn't her fault.

Nova took a deep breath. "Then as time went on and I got to know you, I started questioning everything. I didn't know how you could be so sweet and kind and amazing and somehow be a Renegade. I didn't get how everyone wasn't terrible."

"What evidence did you have that we were terrible?" Adrian asked, a little irked. If people loved the Renegades so much then how could she not have known that they were at least doing some good in the world? She had been at the parade and saw how people cheered. Of course there were people who still hated prodigies but that had nothing to do with the Renegades.

"Because I dealt with people like Genissa my whole life. When the treaty was made the Renegades left us with no resources whatsoever. No food or water or electricity. We lived in abandoned subway tunnels. And then whenever they sent a team to us for a check in, they'd destroy everything. The Anarchists told me to hide when I was little because they'd take me away. They said that they might have hurt me and with the way they treated us like we were sub-human I wouldn't deny it."

Adrian winced. He had remembered when he stopped Genissa and her team from tormenting the Anarchists for no reason. He remembered how they would purposely lure people into becoming hostile and violent so they could arrest them and make heroes out of themselves. He remembered how they killed Hawthorne for robbery and blamed it on him, knowing fully that what they were doing was wrong.

Not all the Renegades were cut from the same cloth and had good intentions, Adrian knew that. Yet he had never realized how deep it ran with Nova. Maybe a lot of Renegades wouldn't kill Hawthorne for robbery, but that didn't mean that the Renegades didn't hate the Anarchists and wouldn't do everything they could to prevent them from doing anything as simple as living.

Adrian had always thought that the trauma from her childhood and anything bad that happened to her as a kid, came only from the Anarchists. It seemed so obvious to him. With the fight at the cathedral, he could see how they guilt tripped and manipulated her into things.

And with all the Renegades had done to Nova, all that she was bringing to light, he was beginning to understand more how she could have been so blind to them using her and all the gaslighting she must have gone through.

Nova continued. "And somehow, despite all of that, you and the team were so different. No one was what I was told they were supposed to be like but Genissa and her team. I mean I was on the field actually helping people which was the opposite of what I was taught and experienced. So the longer things went on, the more it hurt to lie to you and I wanted to stop but if I told you the truth I'd never see you again and I didn't want that to happen. I swear I tried to convince the Anarchists out of everything the longer things went on. They went against every plan and suggestion I made. At first it was just Ingrid and knowing Ingrid I thought that it was just her, it wouldn't matter. Then by the end..... it was all of them."

"Like Honey."

She winced. "Yeah. Like Honey."

Nova never liked to talk about it all that much. I mean, she was like a mother figure for her and she had turned on Nova quickly once she realized that Nova wasn't so sure of their plans anymore.

"It's not like I shouldn't have seen her turning on me coming. I mean there were things that just made it seem so obvious the more I think about it but it wasn't like I wanted to believe that they would turn on me," Nova said, shivering a little and beginning to cry.

He hated how she looked so scared and nervous when she said it. Adrian knew she'd be hesitant to tell him, but he had to know what they did to her.

She wiped her eyes and sniffled. "But I was just so stupid about it."

Adrian moved towards her, pulling her closer. "You're not stupid. I'm sure anyone in your situation wouldn't have believed that they would harm you."

Nova let out a weird laugh. "Oh no I genuinely mean it was as clear as day. I mean, when I said that I was going to the gala with you Honey immediately sought to sexualize me and make me look seductive or whatever even though I explicitly told her not to give me some dress that would do that and she insisted otherwise and no one cared even though they were all fully aware of how much I hated it. I mean if a group of adults was trying to make a 16 year old girl seductive with no problems to get a stupid fucking helmet then I should have known that I was just their pawn and didn't matter at all."

Adrian choked. It was disgusting regardless of Nova's age but even more frightening when Adrian thought about how she wasn't even close to 18 yet. He thought about the dress she had worn to the gala and how much she hated the dress she was in. She had been uncomfortable the whole night and now it seemed like it might have been the dress that was factoring into her acting like that. She had looked absolutely stunning, drop-dead gorgeous, but she looked good in anything, even the sweatpants and t-shirt she stole from him that she was wearing at the moment.

He hated that he had liked how she looked in the dress. It wasn't like it was anything inappropriate and he had no idea that she was essentially being forced by the Anarchists to wear it. Regardless, he was disgusted that he had liked how she looked in a dress that she felt objectified in.

"Shit Nova I'm so sorry," he said. "I didn't know or I wouldn't have told you that you looked good in it."

"It doesn't matter. It's not like I had any other clothing choice anyways." Nova pulled away from him. "And obviously you suspected that I was being manipulated into all of this but I didn't. Still, I was gaslighted and abused into my situation and when we were in the cathedral, once you knew for sure I was Nightmare, you figured that out on your own. But still, before that, when you arrested me originally, how did you not realize and if you did how could you not care? How could you act like you lying and being the Sentinel was any better then me be Nightmare when you chose to lie and keep secrets. No one was guilting you into that situation and still you act like you were any better."

Adrian grimaced. The entire situation, both what happened to Nova and the conversation as a whole, was uncomfortable. However, it needed to happen. It couldn't be ignored.

"I was just so upset about Max. It's not like you could have defended yourself without consequences and it's not like he could have told us because he was still unconscious. I was just so wrapped up with it that I didn't think about how you could have become Nightmare. I didn't even want to think about it I was so upset. I mean, I was upset about Max and I came to you and you comforted me and kissed me only for me to find out that, based on the information we had, it was you who had done it."

Nova cupped his face in one hand, running her thumb over his cheek. She looked like she understood and wasn't angry, but he knew that beneath it, she was probably frustrated. She absolutely adored Max and she would never hurt him. Anyone could see that but still, Adrian had been so blinded by everything that she ignored it.

"And what about becoming the Sentinel? What about all the lies around that?"

He took the hand on her face and placed it in his. "At first, I made it to prove a point but then Danna got hurt and it all backfired so I realized I couldn't say a word about it. I tried to drop it, I mean you hated it so much and it had caused more harm then good and I didn't want you to hate me for it but then, Max got hurt and it was the way I could get him help fastest. I never wanted to lie and I never wanted to lie to you."

"I don't want to lie to you either. I'm not going to lie to you again. I'm not going to keep secrets from you ever again."

Nova moved to his lap, arms wrapped around his neck. Adrian slowly rubbed her back, his other arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close.

"I'm not going to lie to you or keep secrets again too," he said, pressing a light kiss to her lips. "But that's not to say if I'm trying to surprise you I won't ignore that statement to make sure it stays a surprise."

Nova let out a light laugh. "Of course."

Then her mouth was on his again and she was filling up his thoughts. Every time he kissed her all he could ever think about was her and how beautiful she was and how incredible she was and every little thing about her. Every time he kissed her he only wanted more.

Adrian buried a hand in her hair, his heart pounding in his chest as he kissed her harder. She bit his lip in response, hands roaming the small of his back. His mouth moved down to her neck, Adrian satisfied by how she closed her eyes in bliss and was turning into putty in his arms.

"Adrian," Nova moaned. He kissed her more. "Adrian stop."

Instantly, as requested, he retreated but it sounded forced, like she couldn't bring herself too pull away.

She pointed to his armband. There was a message from his dads on it, telling him to come home.

He frowned. He certainly did not want to leave.

"You should stay the night," Nova suggested, blushing a little.

He sighed. "I'll ask but I don't know if they'll let me even though they're usually pretty relaxed about this stuff."

It was one thing for Nova to spend the night and be alone with him in his room when other people were around. It was another thing for Adrian to spend the night entirely alone with Nova in her apartment. Not to many would be too keen to let their kid spend the night completely alone with their partner though Adrian couldn't fathom Nova and him doing any more then kissing.

"I know we're not lying to each other but if they say no just fb and say that I'm already asleep and you were about to sleep before you got their message," Nova said slyly, a smug grin on her face. "Besides. You've been here for a few hours. If we were going to do something then we would have done so by now."

He grinned and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Then go lie down in case I need proof."

She moved herself off his lap and went to her bedroom. He followed after her, texting his dads for permission to stay the night.

Adrian laid on the bed and Nova curled up against him. He wrapped an arm around her.

"I don't want you staying the night," his dad, Hugh, responded.

Adrian rolled his eyes. "I'm half asleep and Nova's been asleep for a while now and I don't want to wake her."

The next reply was from Simon. "Alright fine. Just be home before lunch."

Adrian turned off the band and put it aside. Nova looked up at him from where she was.

"So are you staying?" She asked.

He nodded and she grinned. Nova moved back to his lap, legs straddling his hips and her arms around his neck.

"Now where were we before we were interrupted?" She laughed.

Suddenly they were kissing again and it was like the world didn't matter. There were no more lies, no more problems. It was just them and no one else.

[galactic-magick]

Secret Darling: Logan x Reader

Request: Hiya! I was wondering if you could maybe make a Logan x reader, (Gender neutral or female), where Logan's just casually sitting on the couch, (and I mean casual like he's not wearing his tie and is just, casual for once), typing away on his laptop when reader just wants attention and affection? Like just pure fluff, and a lot of it? XD - @zarieslayer​

Summary: None of the sides know you and Logan are dating and you wish you could be more openly affectionate.

Words: 1300+                                        

Warnings: Lots of kiss kiss

Author’s Notes: Combined this request with an idea I had for a secret dating AU lol. I also got very flustered writing this so hopefully it meets your fluff standards 😂 also this gif is gonna give me a stroke geez louise

Taglist: @luluwinchester​ @nerve-ous-love​ @zarieslayer​

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Logan wouldn’t be caught dead like this except when he’s with you. He maintains a strict image of professionalism at all times. It gives him confidence, puts him in an intellectual mindset, and convinces everyone around him he’s serious and not to be messed with. He never as much as loosens his tie outside of closed doors.

Only with you does he allow himself to breathe, especially since you’re the only person he shows the softer part of himself to. None of the other sides know you two are together. It would completely destroy his reputation if they knew he has feelings, after all. Still, he does make an effort to spend as much time with you as he can when he’s not working. You meet him in his room nearly every day, and he gives you attention whenever he can when the others aren’t watching.

When you come in, he’s lounging on the couch, laptop on his lap, with the top few buttons of his shirt undone. His tie is completely off and his hair is a bit messy, but he’s still incredibly focused.

“Oh, hello darling,” he greets you.

“Hey,” you sigh, sitting down next to him. “How long have you been working on that?”

He doesn’t look up, continuing to type furiously, “Just a few hours,”

“A few hours?”

“Yes,”

“Don’t you want to take a break?”

“I will when I’m finished,”

“When will that be?”

“If I stay on schedule, approximately two more hours,”

“Two more hours?!”

He locks eyes with you, “You seem to be distressed over the normal passage of time, darling, are you quite alright?”

“Yeah…” you rest your head on his shoulder. “I was just hoping to get a bit of affection, that’s all,”

“Oh,”

“I know you’re super busy, but I just don’t think taking a break would really hurt,” you shrug, sitting up. “Did you know that in many people cuddling and kissing releases hormones that benefit your health? And people who hug a lot tend to have lower blood pressure levels?”

He smirks, “Sweetheart, are you trying to use knowledge against me?”

“Plus the happy chemicals or whatever can help you fight off sickness and sleep better, and we all know how much you love getting enough sleep,”

“Is that all?”                  

“Well you probably know more about science stuff than me, but there’s definitely bajillions of other benefits too, maybe kissing can cure allergies or something,”

“I don’t believe that’s correct,”

“Prove it, then,” you grin. “Kiss me ‘til I never sneeze again,”

“Darling, if all you wanted was for me to kiss you all you had to do was ask,” he closes his laptop and sets it aside. “You know I’d do anything you desire,”

You giggle as he interlaces his fingers with yours and pulls you close to him. He kisses your forehead first, then your nose, then each of your cheeks. His kisses are deliberate yet adoring, slow but not teasing. He presses his lips along your jaw and then stops to look into your eyes, taking a moment to memorize your flushed face before finally kissing your lips.

Your heart flutters as he moves his hands to cradle your face, running the pads of his thumbs across your cheekbones.

“Don’t you ever wish we could do this in front of the others?” you ask between kisses.

Logan pulls away, his fingers grazing down your neck and landing on your shoulders, “You…want to do this in front of everyone?”

“Well not this exactly,” you hesitate. “I mean like just casual quick pecks, holding hands, being able to cuddle when we have group movie nights,”

He looks down, “Would that…would that make you feel loved? Would that make you happier?”

“Oh, Logan,” you lift his chin up. “I do feel loved, and I am happy. I’m just saying it would be nice, that’s all,”

“It’s settled then,” he nods. “We won’t keep this a secret anymore,”

“Really?” you squeal, falling onto him and wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Yes,” he hugs you back tightly. “Although we should consider breaking it to them slowly, possibly have a bit of fun,”

“Fun, huh?”

“Are you questioning my ability to have fun?”

“Maybe a little bit,” you laugh.

“I simply think the best way to tell them is by acting as if they already knew, isn’t that fun?”

“You want to gaslight them?”

“That’s a bit of a strong word, but essentially, yes,”

“Have you been spending time with Janus?”

“Absolutely not,” he runs his knuckles down the side of your head. “You know I spend all my free time with you,”

“Ah, yes,”

“Would you like to resume?”

“Please,”

 -

 The next morning you meet everyone for breakfast and coffee in the kitchen. You give Logan a quick smooch before sitting down, and the others stare in disbelief.

“Please tell me I was not the only one who just saw that,” Roman gasps.

“What’s the matter, never seen a kiss before?” Virgil rolls his eyes.

“Excuse me, I have seen and experienced many kisses!”

Patton starts making indistinguishable noises, something between screaming and hyperventilating, “Logan!!! When were you going to tell us?!”

“Sure, whatever Princey,”

“You’re not at all shocked by this Virgil?”

“Not really. I’ve seen them going into the closet to make out a couple times,”

“What?!”

You give Logan a look, and you can tell he’s really struggling to stay composed. This is not going according to plan, especially since this didn’t seem to be as much of a secret in the first place as you thought.

“Alright, fine, you got us,” you surrender. “We’ve been together for a while now,”

“Awwww!!” Patton bounces in his chair.

Roman bursts out laughing, “Ha! Logan’s in looove,”

Logan turns his head to him and tightens his tie, “I don’t quite understand why that is so humorous to you, Roman. Love may be nothing more than chemicals in the brain, but it is nothing less than an exquisite experience that brings a multitude of opportunities for growth and learning. I for one find it quite exhilarating, and I hope one day you too will find someone who makes you feel the same,”

The table is dead silent for a moment.

“Wow,” Roman exhales. “How do you manage to sound so nerdy even when you’re being mushy?”

“It’s a talent only for the true intellectuals,” you butt in, reaching your hand across to grab Logan’s. “See you guys later,” you wink and dash out of the kitchen, pulling Logan along with you. You go into the closet and shut the door.

Logan let’s out a long sigh of relief, “You know, we don’t have to hide in here anymore,”

“Yeah…” you chuckle. “Did Virge really see us? We were being so careful,”

“I suppose not careful enough,” he grins. “But it no longer matters,”

You smile, pressing yourself against him and he wraps his arms around your waist, “That was really sweet what you said,”

“Well it’s true. Loving you has taught me much, and I wouldn’t trade it for the knowledge of a thousand books,”

“You’re adorable,”

“Only for you,” he smirks. He tightens his arms around you and gently captures your lips. You grab the collar of his shirt and deepen the kiss, only stopping when a bright light hits your eyes.

You both look towards the door to see Patton standing there with his mouth wide open.

“Oh! Uh, sorry kiddos,” he grabs his coat. “Just needed to get this, uh, thing,”

You cover your eyes and slam your head into Logan’s chest in embarrassment.

“Anyways, have fun! Stay safe!” Patton waves and closes the door.

“I’m beginning to think it would be favorable to find a new designated affection spot,”

“Yeah…but not yet,” you pull him back to you, kissing him hard.

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG172!

- I didn’t truly believe that we would encounter a Web domain so soon, since somehow I still pictured it as the very last thing standing between Jon&Martin and the Panopticon. It means that the domains that I was expecting to be the most “heavy” on the boys, the Lonely and the Web, are already behind us (we’re down to Hunt, Vast, Dark, Spiral, and Eye).

- The “thanks Alex” Fun™ Fact of the episode was that he used the sounds of spider mating calls in this one. Alex, why.

- With MAG170, this was amongst the most “empathetic” episodes of the season so far? Or at least as far as the Fears domains are concerned? It was closer to the way older statements were framed: it really felt like someone’s story, someone’s personal struggles and life, the horrible things happening to them. I’m a bit less fond of statements this season, overall, because they feel too voyeuristic (I know, that’s the point!), because it’s decontextualised people reduced to their fears and nothing more… but Francis’s story really felt heart-wrenching.

And it was an incredibly harsh episode, dealing with codifications, scripted situations, stage&audience conspiring against the “puppet” (the audience laughing at Francis’s misery), down to the audience call excluding the non-binary protagonist (“Ladies and gentlemen”), physical cruelty (the hooks, the spiders). I like how Francis’s “act” worked, both by highlighting that they had absolutely no chance of ever winning the play on their terms, since the Spider was deploying everything against them (physical restrains, pain, psychological torture and the voices of close ones for more pressure and impacts)… and yet, that we saw them still fiercely trying to reject what the Spider wanted, still able to tell that this was not what they wanted. It was also a good move that, in this one, Francis was a victim from start to finish: not pitted against others; the addiction wasn’t making them a danger for anyone else, it was first and foremost about them, what they wanted for themselves, how others’ casual cruelty was in the way and isolated them further, leaving them at the mercy of the Spider and its hooks. If there was someone “winning”, it was the Spider (managing to give birth to many others); all of this was solely for its benefit.

It seems to be part of The Web’s game to allow some resistance, to revel in internal conflicts, but it doesn’t remove the fact that Francis had been tortured for 48068 acts, and that they were still trying to reject it.

- We got a few interesting formats so far: The Stranger's poem (MAG165), The End’s Coroner’s report (MAG168), The Flesh’s botanical book (MAG171), and now The Web’s play (MAG172)… which was awful(ly clever), with the puppet/puppeteer’s dynamic.

Nothing new about The Web preying on vulnerable/isolated people, and especially people dealing with addiction, it’s been a reoccurring thing: Raymond Fielding had taken in kids that the system didn’t know how to handle (and nobody was suspecting anything when, as “legal adults”, they were disappearing); a Spider person had tried to get Trevor off her back by making old needs resurface; Annabelle’s first encounter with The Web, if she were to be believed, was through a victim who had suffered with drug addiction; there is a huge proportions of smoker characters in Web-related statements, and there is still Jon’s lighter and Jon starting to smoke again after he got it.

Same thing: nothing new about The Web having a knack for stories and the entertainment arts! We had two statements dealing with movies, Annabelle taunting Jon about having possibly lied during her own statements, Annabelle’s website searching for stories…

- WOW, did this domain come for Jon’s throat as the ~Apocalypse-bringer~

(MAG172) THE SPIDER: Oh, Francis… It’s such a shame, but I couldn’t do such a thing even if I wanted to! The man in the audience saw to that! [CHUCKLES] I am no more free than you are, little puppet. Ah! If only you could see the strings that bind me, that wind together as they pull me along my own path…! Perhaps then, you would not blame me so. But they are not the tripping threads that we are here to watch – no. So sit, Francis. It’s time…!

That gaslighting and self-victimisation from the monster who was pulling the strings and doing a show to generate more of itself (both fears and spiders). First time one directly referred to Jon’s presence, of course it would be a Web one, uh…

- There was an awful parallel between Francis’s story, the Spider forcing the consumption on them, and Jon… for the first time, getting stuck in a loop of stories as the next act was beginning. Is Jon reacting to the domain’s logic (since this one works on the long term, the accumulation, the fact that Francis knew that their torture would keep going and happen again and again)? Was it The Web purposefully trying to trap Jon here? Was Jon more susceptible to this domain given his own experience with The Web and his relying on statements? Would Jon even have been able to leave if Martin hadn’t been there to stop it…?

(Jon had already been vulnerable to the cabin, as he discovered in MAG162: the domains and the new reality can affect him. Jon had pointed out that The Eye didn’t want Jon to stay there; it’s not surprising, but incredibly bold to see that a Web domain tried to trap Beholding’s precious little Archivist…)

- Second time that Martin had to forcefully interrupt Jon mid-statement:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: The photos on the wall of her family–”MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: “–whose faces seem indistinct but she knows–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! ARCHIVIST: “–that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: “–pops out of the frame.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon, she’s here! ARCHIVIST: “Her home is being eaten alive by–” MARTIN: [CLOSER] Please come back! ARCHIVIST: “–this devouring Desolation–” MARTIN: JON! ARCHIVIST: “–and she–” [RESOUNDING SLAP] [STATIC FADES] MARTIN: She’s here! [COUGHS]

(MAG172) AUDIENCE (BACKGROUND): [LOUD CLAPS AND CHEERING] [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: “The tragedy of Francis. A comic puppet show in all acts. Act 48068.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon? ARCHIVIST: “A stage that is a room that remains a stage.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon, one is enough. ARCHIVIST: “The audien–” [RESOUNDING SLAP] [STATIC FADES] AUDIENCE (BACKGROUND): [CONSTANT MUFFLED LAUGHTERS] ARCHIVIST: Oh… Oh, wh–what? MARTIN: … Sorry. You were starting another and, I didn’t want to wait. We should get going.

And the trick definitely seems to be not being in Jon’s presence while he settles into statement-mode, or it prevents anyone from being able to interrupt? Martin wasn’t able to stop him during MAG167 (but that statement had been sneaky about its start), and he didn’t when they were in Jared’s garden either…

* Daisy listened to Jon reading two statements during season 4 (MAG133 and MAG136) and, although it was part of their deal that she would not interrupt, I wonder if she could have, back then? Jon had gotten interrupted a lot during season 1 and 2, but it was by people walking into his office while he had begun reading alone.

* … I’m still not sure that Basira could have stopped Jon in MAG141, when he forced Floyd to give his statement? Jon told her that she could have but hadn’t because she wanted to know too, but he was also, quite frankly, full of shit and trying to avoid his own responsibility with regards to his victims, back then.

* It’s interesting that Jon’s “statement bubble” is now constantly showing to muffle sounds from the exterior (/from an extra-diegetic level) when he’s giving the statement. The tape recorder only catches Martin’s voice muffled, far, as if behind another layer. But once Martin broke Jon out of it, the cheers, laughs and claps from the audience, which used to be very distinct and present, were the ones suddenly sounding far away (while Martin was on the same level as Jon). We’ve been told, again and again, that the tape recorders are not neutral, but I find quite interesting the fact that they’re “translating” the different levels around Jon in this way?

- On first listen, I had failed to understand that Martin was actually meant to stay around Jon – like in MAG171, and like he had done in MAG163 when they discovered Jon’s new need to pour out about the domains:

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: You probably want to wait outside. MARTIN: … Hum, no?! ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Well… Put your fingers in your ears then, I, I suppose. […] Martin…? [DRIP] Martin? [DRIP] Martin, I hate your tea, and wish you made coffee instead…! [DRIP] … Alright, then. […] End recording…! [CLEARS THROAT] [SHUFFLING] MARTIN: Mm? All done? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Yes. [EXHALE] MARTIN: Good.

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: We’re fine. MARTIN: A–are we? I mean, that place is– … I don’t, I don’t feel fine, okay, and you were there a long time doing your… y–you–your guidebook, which, you know, I get it, but that place is… I–it’s–it’s infectious, and, I don’t–

(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: You, uh… [SHUFFLING] You might want to take a bit of a walk. This… feels like a strange one… [LOUDER SCREAMS IN THE DISTANCE] MARTIN: What does “strange” mean, with something like this? ARCHIVIST: Don’t think you want to know…! MARTIN: Good point. Hum, o–kay, well, uh… Good luck, I’ll be… uh, o–over there! [BAG JOSTLING] [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] … Right.

(MAG166) MARTIN: Do you need anything? ARCHIVIST: No. MARTIN: Fine, I’ll just… [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] Ye–yeah, right. [BAG JOSTLING] [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE]

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: Now, if you’re quite done inciting me to murder? MARTIN: Not “murder”! Smiting. ARCHIVIST: [FOND SIGH] MARTIN: Right, yes, yes, of course. You… [INHALE] You vomit your horrors. [SIGH] ARCHIVIST: [REVULSED SOUND] Uh! I’m… not sure I like that metaphor…! MARTIN: “Puke your terrors”? ARCHIVIST: … Just go. MARTIN: Alright. Fine, I’m going. [BAG JOSTLING] [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS]

(MAG170) MARTIN: Why am I here? I… I, I fell behind. I was, I was too slow, and, and, and the fog caught up, I was… I was following, al–always following, never leading; never leading. Why did he leave me behind? Di–did he? […] I thought you’d left me behind…! Gone on without me. ARCHIVIST: No, never…! N–never, I–I just… [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] I, I didn’t want to… look too ha–, I–I–I promised I wouldn’t… know you, and, and with the fog in all–all the rooms, I’ll, I just, I lost y–, I… I–I’m sorry.

(MAG171) JARED: [LONG MEATY INHALE, EXHALE] Cheers for that! ARCHIVIST: … Don’t. MARTIN: Jon, are you… alright? ARCHIVIST: Yeah, hum… Sorry. MARTIN: No, it, it’s alright.

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: If you’re bored, you could always… take in a show. MARTIN: That’s… That’s not funny, Jon. ARCHIVIST: If you say so…! MARTIN: Just… [INHALE] Just give me a shout when you’re done, alright? [BAG JOSTLING] [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] ARCHIVIST: … Good. Right. […] MARTIN: … Sorry. You were starting another and, I didn’t want to wait. We should get going. ARCHIVIST: Y–you were listening, I… I–I–I thought that you– MARTIN: No, I… Not for most of it. I just thought I heard… something. Whatever. I went exploring, alright? I don’t know why; I shouldn’t have. […] Can we just go, please? ARCHIVIST: Of course, but… You were safe here. And after everything that’s already happened, I… I–I just don’t understand why you would– MARTIN: [SHAKEY] Me neither, okay! ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: I mean, that’s it, isn’t it?! I don’t know! I don’t know why I went exploring!

So they’ve truly learned from the Lonely house: Martin had to stay in MAG163 when they discovered Jon’s new predicament; then starting MAG164, Martin began to leave Jon alone for his statements, not keen to listen to them. In MAG170, they lost sight of each other in the house – since then, Martin has gone back to staying around Jon, trying to not listen (except, precisely, that Martin went wandering off in MAG172, which he wasn’t supposed to do, and came back… just in time when Jon was beginning a new cycle). Trials and errors.

- MMMMM, so this is the second time Martin did something, wasn’t exactly able to explain why he had done it, was questioned about it, and the matter was ultimately left hanging:

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from. PETER: You should watch out for that. Could be something dangerous. MARTIN: Sure.

(MAG172) MARTIN: No, I… Not for most of it. I just thought I heard… something. Whatever. I went exploring, alright? I don’t know why; I shouldn’t have. […] Can we just go, please? ARCHIVIST: Of course, but… You were safe here. And after everything that’s already happened, I… I–I just don’t understand why you would– MARTIN: [SHAKEY] Me neither, okay! ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: I mean, that’s it, isn’t it?! I don’t know! I don’t know why I went exploring! ARCHIVIST: Are you saying you were… compelled? MARTIN: I’m saying I don’t know, do I? I thought I was just curious, it felt like curiosity, but… given where we are, and with The Web everywhere, and Annabelle Cane still out there playing mind games with payphones, I just… [SIGH] I mean, how do you even know if it’s your motivation, you know? Being here… [SIGH] I–it just makes me second-guess all of it, and I… I don’t like it, it… really scares me.

Regarding Martin putting the tape recorders on the Coffin: Jonah didn’t claim it to be his doing in MAG160 (I thiiink that Peter was suspicious of Elias influencing Martin then, since he also checked that Elias wasn’t overstepping in MAG158…), so probs wasn’t him. Annabelle pointed out to Jon that she had sometimes helped “to keep you safe” in MAG147, I still feel like it was most likely her doing?

Two things were interesting here: that Martin began exploring, and that he came back just in time to stop Jon. The first one left Jon vulnerable, allowing him to potentially get trapped in the cycle of Francis’s Acts; the second one… allowed Martin to make him snap out of it just in time. Or the wandering may have “protected” Martin from being trapped in Jon’s statement, too, because he could have accidentally begun listening if he’d hung around?

(A bit afraid about the fact that, twice, it was shown that as long as Martin didn’t slap Jon out of a statement, he wouldn’t stop: it makes Jon and Martin both vulnerable to their surroundings if they’re not together. Jon gets trapped in the statement, while Martin’s main protection is still Jon… That sounds a bit like a weakness that could get used against them at some point? ;;)

- SOB about Martin mentioning he was (probably) motivated by “curiosity”, since it has been hammered in that… it isn’t a good thing for Beholding-touched people to indulge themselves too much, tends to cause their downfall, and has even allowed The Spider to sneak in and weave its Web:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “When Gertrude was appointed to the role, there was a single survivor left in the Archives: a woman by the name of Fiona Law. Fiona was the most fascinating combination of curiosity and cowardice, pushing forward and forward into the unknown, until the very first moment of threat… crystallised. […] She had never got deep enough into the mysteries that plagued her to slake that burning curiosity. And she never would. […] But Emma had a sickness. As much as she might have despised the ageing Fiona, it was the same one that plagued her: curiosity. That desperate, grasping need to know. […] There was a fire to Sarah Carpenter, perhaps the one which led to Gertrude hiring her, and Emma’s curiosity ignited once again, this time keen to find out exactly what it would take to break this brave investigator of the unknown.”

No wonder Martin Is Feeling So Threatened Right Now, after having learned about Emma (Beholding assistant taken over by The Web… and become a master at deceiving her Archivist).

- Martin rejected the Lonely house, so does it mean that other domains will be trying to seduce him, now? It’s interesting that he reacted to the theatre in a way that was very similar to the house, which was supposed to be “his” (but wasn’t “anymore”):

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: We all have a domain here, Martin. The place that feeds us. MARTIN: Oh. [PAUSE] Where’s yours? ARCHIVIST: [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLE] I mean, we’re… traveling towards it. MARTIN: Oh! Right, obviously. [CHUCKLING] Duh. Hum… What about me? ARCHIVIST: … Would you… like me to… ? MARTIN: No, no. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

(MAG170) MARTIN: Do I have a home? This, this place feels like it’s all… for me, I think, but I don’t… [CREAKING OF A DOOR] I don’t like it here. […] I feel like there’s somewhere I need to be, but… But no, no; this is my house, [CHUCKLE] where else would I need to be? […] You, you are Martin Blackwood; yes. You–you didn’t choose to be here. Jon is coming. I am Martin Blackwood, and I am not lonely anymore, I am not lonely anymore! […] Jon, it’s… okay. I promise it’s okay. This place tried, it really did, and honestly I… I wanted to believe it. But I didn’t. ARCHIVIST: This… “place”, i–it… [STATIC] My God…! MARTIN: Yeah… [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: M–Martin, if you… did; i–if you wanted to forget… a–all of it, stay here and just… escape. I… I would understand. […] I, I just… I wanted to make sure that you knew what this place was. MARTIN: It’s The Lonely, Jon. It’s me. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Not anymore. MARTIN: Hm! No. [LONG INHALE, EXHALE] No…! Not anymore.

(MAG172) MARTIN: No, I… Not for most of it. I just thought I heard… something. Whatever. I went exploring, alright? I don’t know why; I shouldn’t have. […] ARCHIVIST: Are you saying you were… compelled? MARTIN: I’m saying I don’t know, do I? I thought I was just curious, it felt like curiosity, but… given where we are, and with The Web everywhere, and Annabelle Cane still out there playing mind games with payphones, I just… […] ARCHIVIST: Would you like to leave now? [BAG JOSTLING] AUDIENCE (BACKGROUND): [LAUGHS] MARTIN: … Yeah, screw this place. Never liked theatre anyway.

Interesting, too, that there are a few parallels right now with the situation in which Martin had initially encountered Peter in MAG108: while reading a theatre-related statement, isolated and scared. Even Jon’s way of describing The Lonely’s “seductiveness” was quite reminiscent of The Web (especially in Francis’s story):

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: The Lonely is… possibly the most insidious of the powers, I believe. Certainly it is the one that… most delights in having you do its work for it. Even the Spiders seem to have a hard time matching it for sheer seductiveness. [HUFF] “Time to yourself”, “self-care”, “putting yourself forward”… “not being a burden on those you care about”… [PAUSE] It doesn’t even need to tell you any lies; just waits for the lies you tell yourself.

So… a few similarities in the way The Lonely and The Web are shown trying to seduce Martin? Martin seemed to reject the theatre, but it could do a Peter with him and go… persistent.

(So obligatory “this is how Web!Martin can still win”, and it’s never not a good time to remind myself of:

(MAG138) MARTIN: I think he wants me to join The Lonely. ELIAS: Then it sounds like you have a decision to make. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … What? [HUFF] That’s it? No, no monologue, no mindgames? You love manipulating people! ELIAS: That makes two of us. MARTIN: [HUFF]

(MAG158) MARTIN: Oh, I’m getting there, but if this is the final test or something? Then bad luck. The answer’s still “no”. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: … No. No! This isn’t fair, do you have any idea what you’ve done? You knew, he must have– MARTIN: Elias– … Jonah had nothing to do with it. PETER: No! That’s not– You can’t– ELIAS: You’ve lost, Peter. Admit it. [CHUCKLE] He played you like a… like a cheap whistle. PETER: No! Shut up!

Because gnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiih.)

- It was a bit of a (pleasant) surprise that Jon&Martin didn’t meet Annabelle in the obligatory Web domain of their journey! But it makes us go back to the usual question: where is she, why is she not showing herself directly, what does she want, why can’t Jon see where she is?

(MAG172) MARTIN: Jon, what does The Web want? It’s… I mean, we know it’s got a plan, can’t you just… see what it is? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] “Knowing”, “seeing”… i–it’s not the same thing as… understanding. Every time I try to know what The Web’s plan is, if it can even be called a plan, I see… a hundred thousand events and causes and links, an impossibly intricate pattern of consequences and subtle nudges, but I–I can’t…! … I can’t hold them all in my head at the same time. There’s no way to see the “whole”, the, the point of it all. I can see all the details, but it doesn’t… provide… context or… intention. I suppose The Web doesn’t work in knowledge, not in the same way. MARTIN: … Oh. Right. [SIGH] ARCHIVIST: Sorry. MARTIN: … And Annabelle? ARCHIVIST: Still can’t see her. If it wasn’t for the phone call, I’d have said she was probably already dead…! MARTIN: Yeah… [SIGH]

Jon had trouble seeing when inside of Hill Top Road, back in MAG147 (though he blamed it on having recently encountered The Dark). Could she be there? On the other side of the crack? Waiting inside of the Panopticon/Institute? On the back of Jon’s head? Being many many spiders, as an avatar, and thus impossible to locate because she’s plural? Technically dead already, but having planned and foreseen how the phone call with Martin would go, leaving a pre-recorded message that would play exactly as needed? That makes a lot of people that Jon has trouble seeing in the new world, with Georgie&Melanie, Jonah…

- I’m still laughing a lot that the beginning of the episode felt very much like Jon asking for a bathroom break:

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: Ah… Hold up, I–I need to, uh… [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] MARTIN: Now, seriously? We’re almost out of here. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I’m sorry…! Not really up to me…! MARTIN: Fine. [SIGH]

Martin: When are we getting to the Panopticon!! Can’t we take another direction or a shortcut? I don’t like these places. Jon: Can we stop for a bit? I really need a break!! Right now!!

Awful kids, do not go on vacation with them.

- Eeeeeeh that Jon&Martin’s tastes in media are so different!

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: Hm. Neil Lagorio… You ever see any of his work? DAISY: No. Not really into films. ARCHIVIST: Oh, they were… Well, let’s just say that it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them. Didn’t know we had copies in the Institute, though; let alone original cuts. [CHUCKLE] Records indicate they [PAPERS RUSTLING] ended up in… Artefact Storage. DAISY: Probably best that they stay there. ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. Yes, of course.

(MAG165) MARTIN: Was it a good poem? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know! “No”? You’re the poetry expert, Martin, not me…! […] Then I don’t know what you mean, Martin, I’m not a poetry person, I don’t… “get it”. I never have. MARTIN: That’s… That’s fine, I understand…! ARCHIVIST: Look. I’m better than I was; I used to think all poetry was bad. MARTIN: Sorry, what?! ARCHIVIST: I mean, I just thought of… [SIGH] I sort of thought it was pointless! Just… write some prose and stop… wasting everyone’s time! MARTIN: Hm! What changed? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know, I just… mellowed on it, I suppose. MARTIN: That’s… kind of weird. ARCHIVIST: In my defence, there is a lot of bad poetry out there.

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: … Methinks the Spider doth protest too much…! [BAG JOSTLING] MARTIN: Jon. ARCHIVIST: Joking! Just joking.

(MAG172) MARTIN: … Yeah, screw this place. Never liked theatre anyway.

I hope that Theatre Kid Jon felt personally offended by that last one. (I’m really waiting for Martin to learn that Jon has been listening to The Archers.)

- It had been highlighted in season 3 that Martin didn’t really get Jon’s sense of humour. The archival staff overall had a general tendency to resort to dark/insensitive humour to cope with their situation, but ;; I side with Martin on how right now, it doesn’t feel relieving or reassuring that Jon makes small jokes about the horror befalling people:

(MAG171) ARCHIVIST: It takes a skilled gardener to get them to grow like this. The curling, cascading intricacies of collagen and marrow… it takes devotion. MARTIN: Jon. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] [WHIMPERS IN THE BACKGROUND] ARCHIVIST: … S–sorry. MARTIN: You sound like you think they’re beautiful. [FOOTSTEPS RESUME] ARCHIVIST: Don’t you? [SILENCE]

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: If you’re bored, you could always… take in a show. MARTIN: That’s… That’s not funny, Jon. ARCHIVIST: If you say so…! […] Ticket for one, then, I suppose.

… because we don’t really know if Jon wants to make them stop?

(“Ticket for one”, tho, was INCREDIBLE and very “jON.”)

- … When Jon told Martin to try to not focus too much on which part of his actions/decisions could be due to The Web:

(MAG172) MARTIN: I’m saying I don’t know, do I? I thought I was just curious, it felt like curiosity, but… given where we are, and with The Web everywhere, and Annabelle Cane still out there playing mind games with payphones, I just… [SIGH] I mean, how do you even know if it’s your motivation, you know? Being here… [SIGH] I–it just makes me second-guess all of it, and I… I don’t like it, it… really scares me. ARCHIVIST: I, uh… MARTIN: Oh, don’t say that’s what it wants, I know. ARCHIVIST: I, I wasn’t going to. […] Don’t do this to yourself, Martin. This is what it wants, the, the paranoia. [SIGH] Trust me, I, I know. MARTIN: … Fair.

… he indeed reaaaally knew from experience. MAG147 had visible effects on him, to the point that Melanie directly addressed it and Annabelle became a regular potential culprit in Jon’s mind alongside Peter and Elias:

(MAG147) ARCHIVIST: I’m sure the flares will work fine. … I mean, un–unless it’s all some… elaborate… plot… to have us… burn this place down again. BASIRA: So what if it is? ARCHIVIST: I don’t follow…? BASIRA: I mean. Anything we do could be part of the “Grand Master Plan”. So – what, we do nothing? Just… sit on our hands, and hope that’s not what the spiders want? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: Melanie, could you… could you describe your therapist for me? MELANIE: [CHUCKLING] What? You think I wouldn’t notice if she had cobwebs down her face? ARCHIVIST: … No? […] It’s just… The Web can be subtle, you understand? MELANIE: And? For all you know, its plan is to paralyse you with indecision…! ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: Leaving you… sitting here, terrified that… everything you do is somehow all part of its Grand Plan… And who do you think that fear is gonna feed? ARCHIVIST: Yes, well. [INHALE] You are… not the first, to make that point.

(MAG157) ARCHIVIST: [LONG INHALE, EXHALE] This… tape was left on my desk. I don’t know by who, but to my mind there are… three options. Martin has left it here, to let me know that… whatever the situation is with Peter Lukas, it is entering its final act and he needs my help. Alternatively, Peter may have left it here to… goad me into action? Or just to gloat, to highlight my helplessness and everything. [SIGH] Or Annabelle Cane is trying to manipulate me into thinking it’s one of the other scenarios. Previously, the Spiders have made their presence clear when they’ve sent me… “hints”, but I can’t take that for granted. I don’t know what to do…!

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: And I don’t keep any of them with the key to the tunnels. It’s been left for me. DAISY: And it says “Play me.” Kind of suspicious. BASIRA: So Elias left it? ARCHIVIST: Or Martin. O–or Peter, or… Annabelle!

(And we still don’t know who had left the tapes and Adelard’s last statement. Peter and Martin didn’t mention them, nor did Elias, which indeed leaves The Web for these ones…)

I love that since season 4, Martin’s answer tends to be “screw it, I hate this, bye”: with Peter and Elias’s live-divorce, with the Lonely house, now with The Web doing… something to him. Trying to call to him? To make him hear “the music”, as Simon’s allegory had described it?

- So Jon has trouble seeing ~the big picture~ of The Web:

(MAG172) MARTIN: Jon, what does The Web want? It’s… I mean, we know it’s got a plan, can’t you just… see what it is? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] “Knowing”, “seeing”… i–it’s not the same thing as… understanding. Every time I try to know what The Web’s plan is, if it can even be called a plan, I see… a hundred thousand events and causes and links, an impossibly intricate pattern of consequences and subtle nudges, but I–I can’t…! … I can’t hold them all in my head at the same time. There’s no way to see the “whole”, the, the point of it all. I can see all the details, but it doesn’t… provide… context or… intention. I suppose The Web doesn’t work in knowledge, not in the same way.

And how ~convenient~ that the Vast grandpa wasn’t dead by the time of season 4, and is probably Enjoying Sky Blue in a domain of his own:

(MAG151) SIMON: Peter, however, seems to think that it will upset the balance that we all have an awful lot invested in. And he’s not at all certain the world as we understand will come out the other side. MARTIN: And let me guess – you think he can’t see the “big picture”? SIMON: [INHALE] I see why he likes you! MARTIN: [SIGH] SIMON: It’s all a matter of perspective, you see. My patron has gifted me with… quite frankly, an absurdly long life. An appropriate gift, and one that serves to provide a certain distance from things. Of course, a paltry few centuries is nothing, really, but it’s more than most get. And even in that brief time, I’ve seen all sorts of ebbs and flows to balance off things.

We’ve yet to cross a Vast domain, Jon said he REALLY didn’t want to meet Simon ever, Simon was incredibly smitten with Martin… there is still hope for Meeting-Simon-in-the-Vast-domain.

(- Sounds like Jon remembers Helen’s point about “knowing” and “understanding” being two different things (with Jon adding “seeing”):

(MAG164) HELEN: And please: my name is “Helen”. ARCHIVIST: Like you said, I can know everything now. Including how much of a lie that really is. HELEN: Don’t mistake “complication” for “falsehood”, dear Archivist. ARCHIVIST: [AGGRAVATED EXHALE] HELEN: And remember, that knowledge is not the same thing as understanding.

And now I’m remembering that The Distortion used to be curious about the house on Hill Top Road, but not really able to tell what The Spider was doing there… Did Helen get her answers in season 4?)

- Oufft re: Martin&Jon’s discussion:

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: I was going to suggest that… I could… maybe… “know”. I could look. Just a quick peek, to, to see if it was just curiosity, or… something else. … Well? MARTIN: I don’t… If you look, and I was… “influenced”, then how can I trust anything else? How can I believe any of my thoughts and feelings are really mine? ARCHIVIST: U–uh, well… I–I–I’ll still be here to check, I–I’m not leaving you. MARTIN: Sure, but you’d be looking through the details of everything that ever crosses my mind? I don’t want that! Y–you know I don’t want that. ARCHIVIST: … I know. […] So… Do you want me to? To, to tell you if…? MARTIN: No. [SIGH] No, I’ll just have to live with it, I guess. Hardly the worst thing I’ll have gone through since– … I, hum. I–it’s fine. [SIGH]

I really liked how it absolutely didn’t feel like an argument (and wasn’t one!): Martin has objections, has the power to make a decision, and gets the last word… since it primarily involves himself. I appreciate that Martin was able to tell the main flaw of Jon’s offer – knowing what is happening could provide a temporary relief… but wouldn’t offer a sustainable existence for him (if The Web isn’t trying to manipulate Martin now, it doesn’t mean that it won’t try later, which means that Jon would have to check regularly; and if Martin is under influence… indeed, Martin couldn’t trust himself anymore, and depending on Jon’s power to check everything would turn Martin’s existence into a half-life. And it would still feed The Web in the process). Kudos to Jon for his restraint, too, because given his insistence, he’s probably curious/afraid about it, but he hasn’t broken his promise of avoiding to “know” about Martin and he laid out Martin’s options, leaving the decision to him. On that front, they’re doing fine!

  Title for MAG173 very much screams “Dark, duh?!” but it feels very easy, so is it a trap. I could see the link if it were Vast or Hunt, too, but really, it just screams Dark. … And it could work for a character death episode, but I feel like every title can read like a character death episode one way or another. (Worried about Daisyyyy…)

[spine-buster]

Alone, Together | Prologue | Morgan Rielly

On a somewhat busy but manageable night, a waiter watched two young people, both alone, sit in their respective booths not interacting with anybody but him.  The girl – very sweet, very brunette, very quiet – ordered a ginger ale and was busy reading the contents of her book while waiting for her grilled chicken Caesar wrap and sweet potato fries.  The boy – very big, very blonde, very pensive – sipped on his lemon water and was busy reading the contents of his book while waiting for his grilled chicken Caesar wrap and sweet potato fries.  

Carlo knew it was fate.  Carlo was also bored.  Carlo knew he had to intervene.  

“Don’t you dare do it,” his co-worker hissed at him, grabbing his bicep as if it would stop him from finishing off the mojito he was mixing.

“Why not?” Carlo wiggled his eyebrows, grabbing onto the mojito he just mixed despite not a single patron in the restaurant asking for one.

“Just don’t.”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”

“Um, interfering in people’s lives?”

“It’s not interfering!  She’s reading, he’s reading; she ordered the grilled chicken Caesar wrap, he ordered the grilled chicken Caesar wrap.  It’s perfect!  It’s meant to be!  They’re both alone, in this restaurant on a Tuesday night.  They need to meet!” he explained himself.

“That’s not a good reason, Carlo.”

“It’s a good a reason as any.”

“Don’t you dare go over the – Carlo!” she hissed to no avail.  He was on his way to deliver the drink, and she was going to die from embarrassment.  She may as well just go home now – her shift ended in half an hour anyway.

Carlo smiled as he walked towards the table where the very sweet, very brunette, very quiet girl sat and sipped on ginger ale as she waited for her food.  He took a very brief look at the very big, very blonde, very pensive boy’s table down the row of booths.  This was going to work.  It had to work.  He was ending his shift and he needed to see something happen on this dreary Tuesday evening before he went home.  The restaurant was pretty full, so he knew he would be able to get away with it.  If he had to be the one to make it happen, then so be it.

“Excuse me, miss?” Carlo said politely.  The girl looked up from her book.  “This is for you,” he placed the drink on the table delicately.  She watched in confusion.  “Courtesy of another patron at the restaurant.”

The girl looked as if she’d just seen a ghost.  “What?  Which patron?” she asked.

Carlo smirked as he nodded his head over to the boy, facing away from them a few booths down the row.  His blonde hair stuck out in every direction and he looked slightly slumped over.  From this angle, they could only see his broad shoulders.  Carlo thought that might be enough for the girl to swoon anyway.  Girls always loved big, broad shoulders.

The girl looked at him for answers, but Carlo pretended he had none, shrugging.  “Are you serious?” she asked.

“As serious as a stroke,” he commented, trying not to let a smile escape from his lips.  “Why?  Are you surprised?”

“Nobody’s ever done this to me before,” she revealed.

Carlo felt a pang of excitement.  “Why don’t you sit with it for a bit, hmm?  I bet he just wants to say hello.  He seems like a nice guy.”

The girl couldn’t really believe what was happening.  She had decided to come to the restaurant because she knew it would be a quiet night – it was Tuesday, for God’s sake – and suddenly this happened.  She was here to eat.  She was here to read.  Who even was this guy?  Why would he buy a drink and send it to her table?  Why wouldn’t he just approach her like a regular human being?  God, she had to go talk to him now, didn’t she?  She’d have to go and reject the drink.  Who even sends a mojito, anyway?  

She sighed heavily.  She was actually going to have to do this.

She laid her book flat on the table and picked up the drink and slipped out of her booth, walking gingerly towards the man’s booth.  She should have planned what she was going to say.  At this rate, everything that was going to come out was going to be word vomit.  

“Excuse me?” she said delicately, trying not to be too obtrusive, though his actions were very obtrusive.  The boy looked up from whatever he was looking at in his lap – probably his phone – and gave her a puzzled look.  “I understand you sent this to my table, and I know I’m supposed to take it as a compliment, and be very flattered about it or whatever, but I hate mojitos, so --”

“Excuse me…what?” the boy interrupted, as confused as she was when the drink was placed on her table moments before.  He looked between her and the mojito briefly.  “What drink?”

“The drink you sent to my table.  The mojito.  I can’t accept it.”

He chuckled nervously, shifting uncomfortably so he could face the girl.  “I think there must be some kind of mistake,” he said.  “I didn’t send a drink to anyone’s table.”  

“But the waiter said it was from you,” she persisted.

“I didn’t send a drink to anyone’s table,” he repeated.  “I’ve just been here all night minding my own business,” he motioned absentmindedly to the back cover of the book perched between his lap and the table’s edge.

The girl became slightly annoyed.  If this guy was going to play dumb until she gave into him she was really going to lose it.  She wasn’t in the mood to deal with such behaviour and she really wasn’t in the mood to cuss some guy out for his behaviour on what should have been a quiet Tuesday night.  “Listen, I don’t know if this is some weird, somehow flirty gaslighting thing, or…” she began, trailing off when the boy flashed his book and she recognized, almost immediately, the pictures and detailing on the back sleeve.  She lost her train of thought, instead focusing in on the book in his lap.  “Wait, are you reading Friedman?”

The boy looked taken aback for a brief second, as if she had suddenly started speaking a foreign language and demanded he answer.  “Uh… y…yes…”

Suddenly the mojito was a thing of the past.  “He’s good, isn’t he?” she asked.  “That chapter on geopolitics is really something.”

She saw a quick spark flash across the boy’s eyes.  “Oh!  I uh, I haven’t gotten to that chapter yet.  I just started a few days ago.”

“This is so weird,” she rolled her eyes slightly.  “I’m uh, I’m reading that same book right now.”

Instead of being freaked out, as any person really would be in such a situation, a true, genuine smile spread across the boy’s face.  “Oh, no way!  What a coincidence.”

“Seriously, you’ll love the chapter about community.  He makes some really good points.  I devoured it in a few days and --”

“Excuse me, miss?” a waitress smiled politely, so terribly sorry to be interrupting the conversation.  The girl turned around to see her plate with her grilled chicken Caesar wrap with sweet potato fries in one hand and her ginger ale in the other.  The book in question was tucked underneath the waitress’s arm.  “Here is your meal!  Thank you for giving up your table for the family coming in soon.” 

“Oh!  Oh God, wh--what?  I didn’t --”

“It was so kind of you!” the waitress smiled, setting the food and drink down on the table, followed by the book.  “What a coincidence that you and your friend are eating at the same restaurant!”

“No no, you don’t understand -- I need my table back.  He’s not --”

“The family also thanks you, I’m sure.”

“I don’t mind,” the boy said at the same time as the waitress, causing the girl to look at him nervously.  “I really don’t mind,” he repeated, motioning to the seat across from him in the booth.  “You don’t exactly look like you can kill me.  Plus, you can explain the geopolitics chapter to me, cause I have a feeling it’s gonna take me a few tries before I get it.”

“I...is this for real right now?  I didn’t give up my table,” the girl said, but by the time she looked back at the waitress, she was already gone.  Her heart sunk into her stomach.  She looked back at the boy, and at her food and drink and book placed there on the table, and she wanted to shrivel up into a hole right then and there.  “I really don’t want to be rude,” she said.

“You’re not being rude.  It’s fine.  Completely unexpected, and probably at the top of my list of weird coincidences to happen to me, ever, but it’s fine,” he assured her.

“Are you sure?”

“Are you a serial killer?”

She snorted.  “No.”

“Well, I guess it’s better than eating alone,” he shrugged.  “Unless you’re with someone,” he took a quick look around.

“I’m not with...no --” she said hesitantly, looking out for the waitress one last time.  “What the fuck just happened?”

“Just relax,” the boy shrugged, motioning her to sit on the bench across from him in the booth.  She did so slowly, sliding in, taking a look around the restaurant for the waiter who brought her the drink, or the waitress who had essentially kicked her out of her seat.  Both had seemingly vanished.

“This is all out of some movie, right?  These things don’t happen in real life,” she commented.  “I’m really sorry.  I shouldn’t have --”

"It’s not your fault,” the boy waved her off.  “Somebody must have played a prank on you, because I didn’t send a drink to your table.  But yeah, what are the chances?” he nodded his head between their identical books, now both on the table.  “I’m Morgan, by the way,” he extended his hand politely across the table.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

“This is so, so weird, but it’s nice to meet you too,” she shook his hand.  “I’m Bee.”

[djsaxby16]

Top Ten Favorite Portrayls of Batman

So a while back I did a top ten Superman list and I had a lot of fun making it. However, seeing all this talk about Batman and the new movie coming out, it got me thinking about Batman a lot. Seeing as how Batman is my second favorite superhero behind Superman, I thought, why not do one for him too? So here is my top ten favorite portrayls of the dark knight himself, Batman.

10. Val Kilmer

Now some people might call bs on this, and I can understand why. Batman Forever was not that good and had tons of problems, but I gotta say, I actually liked Kilmer’s portrayal of Batman. He gave all he could and honestly didn’t do too bad, plus he was the first one I ever saw to get an actual fight scene as Bruce Wayne too. And let’s be honest, it definitely could have been worse (looking at you Clooney). While not that great, it wasn’t that bad either.

9. Diedrich Bader

While I haven’t seen too much of Brave and the Bold, what I have seen entertained the absolute hell out of me. Diedrich Bader is also freaking hilarious as Batman. I love how he plays it so straight with the cartoony and over the top backdrop of this show. Though given how he did in the Joe Chill episode, we know he can do serious Batman as well. Either way, it’s a very fun and entertaining performance.

8. Bruce Greenwood

While he was very good in Young Justice and Gotham by Gaslight, let’s be honest, we all love his performance in Under the Red Hood the most. His chemistry with Jensen Ackles was amazing and they both turned in amazing performances with the cat and mouse game that Batman and Red Hood play against each other. It’s one of the most tragic stories ever made for Batman, and Bruce pulled it off flawlessly.

7. Will Friedle

Ok this might be cheating a bit considering this isn’t Bruce Wayne, but it’s my list and I’ll do whatever I want. With that being said, yes, Will Friedle was fantastic as Terry McGinnis. The idea of a teenager becoming Batman can be hoaky, but Batman Beyond was anything but. It was fun, intense, stylistic, and gave us a very worthy successor to the cowl. While Terry was a teenager, he took his job of being Batman very seriously. He was always fun to watch and still is.

6. Troy Baker

For me, one thing sets Troy Baker apart from most Batmans. He plays more of Batman being the persona, and Bruce Wayne being his real identity. For most, that would probably be a terrible idea. But honestly, Troy made it work. Batman the Telltale Series is one of my favorite Telltale games, and he’s the main reason. His portrayal of Bruce Wayne was complex and dark, but also more sympathetic and human than most other portrayls I’ve seen. It was a risky move, but an interesting one.

5. Adam West

Ok, I’m just gonna be honest, this one is mostly a biased choice. Let’s be honest, compared to the others on the list, this portrayl would probably be considered the worst. But I can’t help it, I love this version of Batman. Batman was just such a fun freaking show. It was campy, it was silly, it was entertaining, and I just find it so appealing. Yea he’s not dark and gritty, yea he’s campy as hell, but I love absolutely every last bit of it.

4. Christian Bale

How can you not love the man who brought the dark knight back to the big screen? The Dark Knight trilogy is one of the most epic film series in all of cinema, and it’s earned that recognition. Bale’s take on Batman was definitely a unique one, putting him in a more realistic setting instead of a comic book one. And it was also quite interesting as we got to properly see Bruce’s origins and how he actually became Batman. It’s wan epic performance with many layers and fascinating character development.

3. Michael Keaton

I’m just gonna say, out of all the solo Batman films, Batman is my absolute favorite. Heck, it’s just one of my favorite comic book movies, period. It’s rich with dark and gothic atmosphere and amazing story telling and characters. At the center of it, is an absolutely amazing take on Batman. This may be the most mysterious and introverted take on Batman I have ever seen. It’s funny contrast to Bale as this time we know almost nothing about how he became Batman, other than his parents death. All we know is that he is brutal, terrifying, and can take you out with one punch. Beetlejuice ain’t got nothing on Batman.

2. Ben Affleck

I don’t care if you hated him, I don’t care if you hate the DCEU, Ben Affleck was absolutely amazing as Batman. He was the first Batman to actually make me jump in fear in the theatre. He was the perfect live action adaptation of Frank Miller’s Batman (come on, we all know that’s exactly what they were going for). He is the bitter and broken old man Batman that has lost all his morals and his hope in saving Gotham. His journey and character development throughout Batman v Superman was one of the most amazing I’ve ever seen, and Ben nailed it. It not only made me eat my words when I doubted if Ben could pull it off, but it made me respect Ben so much more as an actor than I ever had. He’s the Batman I’ve always wanted to see on the big screen, and no other live action version can top him.

1. Kevin Conroy

Like I said, no other live action adaptation can top Affleck, I said nothing about animated. I mean my god, how can this man not top everyon’s list? No matter what medium he plays the role on, Batman the Animated Series, Justice League, Batman Beyond, the Arkham games, the animated movies, Kevin Conroy’s voice will always be the definitive voice of Batman. His deep baritone voice combined with his intimidating presence and excellent delivery just makes Batman sound like a man you don’t want to mess with. When you read any comic, he’s the one you hear, when you just think of the character, he tends to be the one you hear. He’s been voicing the role for over twenty years, and when he plays the character in live action for the first time this year in Crisis on Infinite Earths, he will have literally concqoured all possible mediums you could play him as. Kevin Conroy truly is the perfect dark knight. He is vengeance, he is the night, he is BATMAN!!!!!

[mockingjayne12]

After all these years what are your views about Joshifer now?

i debated whether to answer this, because it has been so long since i’ve discussed this topic, but what’s the harm anymore, right?

i don’t know if you were around back then or you’ve just stumbled upon my blog, but to describe my experience as an absolute clusterfuck might be downplaying things.

i started as a book fan, read them right before they announced the cast for the movies.  so the cast, the ship was never my draw into the fandom.  it originally was about the characters, the story, the love.

in fact, i remember after the first movie, i didn’t want to know anything about the personal lives of the actors.  i knew it would only taint the love i had for the characters.  so i remained in the dark, didn’t care where they were from, who they were dating, anything, other than what i had already seen of their work beforehand.

but those fuckers made me love them.

and i think that’s really a testament to the start of the fuckery.  my intention had been the exact opposite of shipping them.  but when i started watching interviews for the second promo tour, i couldn’t help but be like what the actual fuck is going on?  they were touchy, they were flirty, they would say things that alluded to scenarios that suggested more than friends.

and down the rabbit hole i fell.

the lap dance in cannes to “work it”, the “morning sickness” and is there something you want to tell ME.  not us, me.  morro bay.  the receipts just kept stacking up.  and the only situation that made sense was that they were together.

and when lionsgate and their PR repeatedly tried to tell us that they were most definitely NOT together, that they were just friends, practically siblings, all i could think was my god, they’ll do everything they can to make sure no one thinks they’re together, and if that’s how friends/siblings act…why is her hand on his dick?  the “official” narrative we were being given didn’t add up with what we were hearing and seeing from them.

and then we had the endless parade of PR relationships, which still to this day has me visibly cringing every single time london or…god, spain are even mentioned (and me being accused of altering videos of them claiming they USED to go there).  because then we knew that’s when random fan pics would show up…just before the paps would happen to “catch” them.  *rolls eyes*  fake weddings, disappearing bandages, love spaghetti, sources claiming this and that, but then you’d have him show up in her hometown the night before thanksgiving.

of course, with pointing out this, it led to me receiving 50 asks a day calling me everything under the sun. and only half of those were from antis, the others from his fans, her fans.  we were a subsection of a fandom that did not care for us at all.

that’s not to say it wasn’t fun.  i had the most fun.  i met some of the best people from that fandom that i’m still incredibly close with.  all of us banding together as we lost sleep over the fear that THE receipt was going to drop the moment we looked away.  

but around the time the last movie came out, it became clear, that contract or not, we were never going to get the truth.  and my interest dissipated, along with their careers afterwards.

would i say i’m a fan of them now?  

not really.  i was never one of those people that thought they owed me anything.  i will never, ever know the truth about wtf went on.  because it’s not my truth to know.  if ever they want to write a tell all about it, i would read that shit in a heartbeat. but i don’t resent them because i feel like…i wasted my time or was gaslighted or was pretty badly insulted on the daily for defending what i believed i saw.  

that being said, i’m also not going to blindly be a fan of people that aren’t producing work that i’m enjoying.  and they aren’t.  so no hard feelings, but no, i would not say i’m a fan of them, as actors, at this point.

however, i still to this day believe that something went down between them.  what that was and for how long, i couldn’t tell you.  and not one theory i had makes complete sense with the receipts both for and against…so i’ll never know for sure.  but i believe what i saw was love.

[wahlpaper]

Blaine for the Win Review

Blaine for the Win by Robbie Couch

CW: Unemployment, Depression, Anxiety, School Stress, Sabotage, Overworked Parents, Remembrance of a Dead Parent, Break-Up, Manipulative Parents, Money Problems, Gaslighting

4.5/5

If you're a fan of Legally Blonde, Robbie Couch's Blaine for the Win is a must read! I love both the movie and the musical, so I borrowed this book from the Libby app as soon as I saw it. It was absolutely worth it, so I'm surprised that there wasn't a waitlist for the audiobook. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, of course, but Couch's bibliography deserves to be popular enough for me to be put on a holds list. He is a skilled writer, which shows in the way he took Legally Blonde and turned it into a brand new story. This is a story that can be enjoyed even by those who have never seen Legally Blonde.

In Blaine for the Win, Blaine gets broken up with during his 1-year anniversary dinner. His now-ex, Joey, doesn't think that Blaine is serious enough and would rather be with someone his parents can approve of. Blaine enjoys painting murals around his neighborhood to help store owners out, but he decides to take a break from this to prove Joey wrong. Blaine wants to win class president. Blaine and his campaign team quickly prove to be what the people want, a change to the status quo, but is it really in Blaine's best interest? What about the murals he's abandoned and what of his self image?

Blaine for the Win is to Legally Blonde as Only Mostly Devastated (by Sophie Gonzales) is to Grease. It takes just enough elements to be paying homage to the classic film, but recreates the story into a thing of its own, a tale starring queer teenagers. One of my favorite elements of Legally Blonde is that Elle Woods becomes friends with the girl her ex left her for. It's not as prominent of a plot point, but I'm happy to report that it's kept in there! The most important element to change was that Blaine was running for class president instead of working to become a lawyer. These two goals do not take similar steps to achieve, which gave Blaine for the Win the space to blossom into a unique story. For the fans of Legally Blonde, you'll be able to spot other references should you read the book and ponder over what was left out/changed.

Despite drawing inspiration from a well known movie, Couch avoided or subverted some major tropes. I am not secretive about my love of tropes, but I enjoy when someone turns away from them as well. The first one is that homophobia doesn't make its way into the plot, even to make an example of it. It's mentioned that life can be harder for those in marginalized communities and Blaine does make a Closet joke, but this book serves as a safe space from that negativity. Another is that the Big Fight happens between Blaine and his best friend, not Blaine and his love interest. The love story is more of a thing that happens along the way than the main plot. Do not be discouraged, though, it is a well written courtship. This story comes with more than one happy ending.

The only problem I found was the pacing, which was difficult to keep track of. However, this was likely due to one of the best features of the story, the point of view. Being told in first person, Blaine's narrative could be seen as unreliable, but I prefer to label it as "transparent". It's easy to figure Blaine out even before he figures himself out. I could tell what he was about and that made me root for him, even when he was making mistakes. His inner voice was a delight to get to know. It was also heartbreaking at times. Blaine deals with depression and anxiety, which would make his focus on time different than reality. I could tell that Couch knew exactly who this character was.

If you like to read about queer teens making changes for their community and falling in love along the way, check out Robbie Couch's Blaine for the Win. Help make this book as popular as it deserves to be!

[starberry-cupcake]

There’s something about millennials that I think doesn’t get said enough, maybe because it’s most visible in a portion of millennials who, like me, were brought up in the midst of the internet explosion and early days of online communities, mostly fandom-related. But it’s something I hope the generation after us learns from us and from our situation so it doesn’t happen to them, and it’s what I can call, for lack of a better denominator, gaslight exploitation. 

While growing up and becoming adults, a good portion of my generation has had, simultaneously, two types of education. 

There is, on the one hand, the regular education and subsequent preparation for a job, which is, for this specific generation, characterized by an even bigger work separation and distribution than before. Jobs got dissected into more and more sub-categories, so now instead of having one career path, there’s specific degrees or trainings for specific things rather than one big occupation. 

This means that there are shorter academic paths available but also that competition in the workplace is immense. In my field, for example, the same jobs can be applied to by someone with a degree in literature, publishing, communications or journalism and all of these people have different types of knowledge and a different ideal salary. With economy (at least, in my country) being in such a compromised situation, people who maybe aren’t as qualified for the job but have a degree which, if you squint, could maybe serve for part of the purpose, are willing to be paid less than someone with the degree that is most qualified and therefore get the job, which is unfair for both, unfair to the one with the appropriate degree for not getting an offer worth their knowledge, and unfair to the one who took it, who is underpaid for a job they have to teach themselves to do in order to fulfill. 

Yet those older than us, with a mindset built on a job market in which one degree is enough and representative of the kind of work you do, do not adapt to this and still hire people with the same mindset of “let’s get the person that we can pay the less to”. 

On the other hand, there was another kind of education, a self-taught sort of education, when it comes to technology and, most than anything, the internet. People of my generation were born into the introduction of the internet as a tool to connect people and, more than anything, a tool to create and share. We taught ourselves how to traverse online communities of different types, how to personalize our own spaces and how to share content FOR FREE on these platforms. We were self-taught community managers before the term existed, self-taught programmers and designers, with more or less knowledge but we had to learn coding to use forums in a certain way, to make themes and skins for our pages, to use platforms that had code we could modify. 

And this was also taken advantage of. As soon as fandom started to take shape online, people of my generation were used for it. Fan clubs were born in which older people in charge offered small, ridiculous perks to young people for managing and creating websites. Companies created contests in which fans had to do online campaigns and use their contacts and creativity to spread something without paying them for their marketing work. Producing companies left it to us to gather signatures for bands or artists to come play in our towns without giving us anything in return. Companies in charge of movie adaptations of books took away fan projects out of DMCA claims to later re-use them for their own purpose and steal their ideas. Companies used cosplayers as promotional tools without their consent and without retribution for their conventions and products. These are some small examples of ages and ages of this type of treatment. 

The amount of content that my generation built for free is the stuff that made fandom online go from isolated communities to networks and platforms. It is by the work of people who never got a cent that others today can have places where to sell their own content. But we never saw it as something to sell, some of it because it can’t be sold out of legal reasons, and rightfully so, but other times because we were raised in a space in which companies and people with power tricked us into doing actual work in the name of fandom, or street teams, or fanclubs, taking advantage of the love we had for a book, a movie, a game, etc. And, young as we were, we believed them. 

So now I have a lot of knowledge and very little respect. As a freelancer, I have to defend my degree every single time I get a job because people don’t want to pay me for something I have a degree for. In job opportunities, I have to compete with peers who have different degrees but none of us gets enough respect to be offered a reasonable salary. And all of this self-taught knowledge and all of this free content I’ve produced in the long years I’ve been in online communities is seen as pointless. 

We got stuck in the turn of the world, with one foot on the past and one on the future and nobody knew how to see us. We are made to believe that our degrees don’t count, that our self-taught knowledge doesn’t count, that everything we ask for is more than we deserve. 

And the worst part isn’t what they believe but what we do, the worst part is that deep down, they get to us. The worst part is that we are a generation with so much knowledge and so much potential but we see ourselves as failures because we can’t adapt to the exploitation that other generations want us to subject ourselves to. We are a generation with self-esteem issues because we’ve been told that our work and our knowledge isn’t worth shit. 

And that is not true. 

I hope that I can manage to find the balance that I need and that I can gather the strength to defend myself form here on out, but I also hope that the generation after us learns from this and doesn’t take this same bullshit anymore. 

We don’t fit in their standards, so maybe we need to create our own. 

[hufflly-puffs]

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Chapter 14: Percy and Padfoot

So Harry wakes up early, finds the common room completely alone and uses the time to… write a letter. Damn it Harry, you should be doing your homework!

“‘Right, I know this says Snuffles on the outside,’ he told her, giving her the letter to clasp in her beak and, without knowing exactly why, whispering, ‘but it’s for Sirius, OK?’ She blinked her amber eyes once and he took that to mean that she understood.” – You know that in reality owls are incredible stupid animals? Getting them to fly through the Great Hall in the movies (even without a letter, which they would include later digitally) took months. I’ve already speculated that Wizard pets are in general smarter than common Muggle pets, which seems to be very true for owls.

First we have Mrs Norris watching Harry going to the Owlery, then some time later Filch storms in, accusing Harry that he ordered Dungbombs, wanting to see the letter he wrote. I think it is very clear that Umbridge uses Filch to spy on her students, especially Harry, giving him the order to get his hands on every letter he might write. But because Harry is too occupied with swooning over Cho he doesn’t see that.

I think a lot of Ron’s insecurity during their first Quidditch practice has to do with his family, with 5 older brothers he has to compete with. He is good when he practices with Harry alone, but loses his self-confidence once Fred & George are around, as well as the Slytherins watching them. Harry is someone he can trust, someone who didn’t make fun of him for trying out, unlike Fred & George.

“Katie’s nose was bleeding. Down below, the Slytherins were stamping their feet and jeering. Fred and George converged on Katie. ‘Here, take this,’ Fred told her, handing her something small and purple from out of his pocket, ‘it’ll clear it up in no time.’” – As we later learn Fred gave her the wrong sweet, making her nose-bleed even worse. But let’s say he did gave her the right one, it would mean that the sweets Fred & George invented would have a medical use. I assumed they contain some sort of potion and a counter-potion, but they also seem to work if for example the nose-bleed isn’t caused by their sweets in the first place.

“Harry turned and saw Angelina, Fred and George all flying as fast as they could towards Katie. Harry and Alicia sped towards her, too. It was plain that Angelina had stopped training just in time; Katie was now chalk white and covered in blood.” – But Hermione is right in pointing out how dangerous Fred & George inventions can be. Technically they should not be allowed to anyone underage, because they can cause severe complications if not used properly.

I love how perfectly Rowling finds Percy’s voice in his letter to Ron, in this very pretentious way only Percy would talk.

Hermione’s decision to help them after all with their homework had all to do with Percy’s letter. Ron might not have said it, but she can tell how much it must hurt him, as well as Harry, and this way she can help them having one thing less to worry about.

“He knew that half the people inside Hogwarts thought him strange, even mad; he knew that the Daily Prophet had been making snide allusions to him for months, but there was something about seeing it written down like that in Percy’s writing, about knowing that Percy was advising Ron to drop him and even to tell tales about him to Umbridge, that made his situation real to him as nothing else had.” – There is a difference between strangers believing the lies about Harry and Percy, the older brother of Harry’s best friend, part of the family who adopted him, someone who knows him. If people like Percy, or Seamus, don’t believe Harry and Dumbledore, how can he expect the Wizarding World to believe him? If they express doubt anybody could. Dumbledore’s trust in Harry means others trust Harry as well, they take his word for granted, and Harry has got used to it. It is yet another privilege taken from him.

People smarter than me (the lovely ladies of the “Witch, please”-Podcast) have pointed out how the entirety of book 5 is an example of gaslighting. Harry is repeatedly told that he is nothing but a liar,that he only tries to seek attention. He is put in the very same situation thousands of women have to face when they went public with allegations of rape and sexual abuse. Both Harry and these women are victims, but instead of believing them, instead of helping and supporting them, they get accused to made things up, to try to get attention, to ruin the lives of others, often powerful men (in this case Fudge). Which is very interesting, because despite being told from a male perspective the Potter series allow a feminist reading and put Harry in situations of violence and abuse familiar to women. 

One of things Hermione and Molly do have in common though (I wrote about their differences in the previous chapter notes) is their view of Sirius, how he is unnecessarily reckless and how unhealthy and unbalanced his relationship with Harry is (as they both see James in the other: Sirius who misses his best friend and Harry who longs for his father).

“‘Yes, but the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters,’ said Sirius with a wry smile.” – It is interesting how this line is used in the movie adaption as well, but in a complete different context. Here Sirius talks about Umbridge, how she can be evil without being a Death Eater (the same way Fudge acts like a villain without being one). In the adaption this line refers to Harry himself – he is seeing visions of Voldemort and is afraid that he might becomes evil. Sirius reassures him that is not the case and that you can’t divide the world simply into good and bad people. The older Harry gets the more complex the characters we see get – the first two books had a clear black and white morality, but ever since then we get more morally grey characters. Which is why I prefer the later books.

Despite not being a Death Eater, Sirius tells the trio that Umbridge hates part-humans, such as werewolves. Even without supporting Voldemort she supports his ideology, which is why she had no problem working under his regime in the Ministry during book 7. Casual racism exists and the fact that both Umbridge and Fudge (who shares her views) get away with it shows that it is socially accepted to a certain degree.

“‘That’s exactly what he thinks you’re doing,’ said Sirius, ‘or, rather, that’s exactly what he’s afraid Dumbledore’s doing – forming his own private army, with which he will be able to take on the Ministry of Magic.’” – It shows the kind of influence and power Dumbledore has, how among wizards he is an almost God-like figure for Fudge to become that paranoid. Fudge knows that many people trust Dumbledore blindly, that they would follow his orders without questioning (I mean Harry does). He is aware that Dumbledore could abuse this power. And he does in a way, but instead of an army he builds up a soldier, Harry, and uses Harry’s trust to manipulate him.

“‘You’re less like your father than I thought,’ he said finally, a definite coolness in his voice. ‘The risk would’ve been what made it fun for James.’” – Sirius is fully aware how much proud Harry takes in being like his father, that learning for example that James never had been a prefect made him feel better about not being a prefect either. So this is a low blow. But after seeing Snape’s memory later in the book Harry realizes that not being like his father isn’t always a bad thing.