#also coming from the same group that spends all their time gossiping about women they supposedly hate……okay!

[marymary-diva17]

When someone insult you

One way to cause tension and trouble for someone on Pandora will be by insulting one of their family members. As it will show, you disrespect someone you love and care about and think nothing bad will happen to them after saying hurtful words. These hurtful words can have any effect or consequences on anyone involved.

Jake x reader x Neytiri

evil demon women

It was a sunny and hot day you had taken the kids out for a swim near the water for some fun, and relaxation as there was no task for the day. Your spouse had been gone of the day so you were just with the kids today, but you are still enjoying your time with them. Some other families had arrived as it seems like, they all had the same idea as well.

tuk " mama can I have some fruit please I'm hungry"

y/n " sure sweetie" you had take out some fruit and cut in half give some to tuk, as she smiled and eat some of the fruit.

tuk " thank you mama" tuk soon hugged you before she ran off back towards the water.

navi women " look at her that dreamwalker has found a way to infect our clan"

navi women 2 " she acts all high and might just because she mates with neytiri and Jake sully"

navi wonen 3 " she just some evil demon women" you had become sue to everyone words and gossip towards you, as some of them hated the idea that you are with two heroes of the clan. At the moment you are avoid conflict as you didn't wish for any trouble with them.

????? " hey" a voice had been heard getting everyone attention, you soon looked up and saw your eldest son neteyam.

neteyam “ you will not speak to my mom in that behavior”

y/n “ neteyam”

neteyam “ no mama they are being rude and I … we won’t stand for it”

Kiri “ yes they are being rude mama and it should be addressed”

loak “ we not let anyone be rude to our family”

y/n “ kids”

Tuk “ mama says if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all” the group of ladies looked taken back of what the kids had said to them. As you had stood there looking at them as the women seem to be regretting what they had said towards you.

y/n " come on kids lets go home right now we can spend the rest of the day together there"

neteyam " oh yes our dad and mom will be learning of this whole situation, lets hope to has a good outcome for you all"

y/n " come on neteyam"

neteyam " coming mom" the kids had soon walked home with you and you had embraced them into a group hug, proud of them standing up for family.

lo'ak " so are we in trouble"

y/n " no it all good no one is in trouble now come on lets get home, and maybe I can make a very sweet snack for my wonderful kids"

kids " yes" you and the kids had soon gone home as it soon started raining, the kids had been able to keep themselves entertained while you made them snacks. Later on in the day Jake and neytiri will find out the truth of what happened, and they were not happy Jake had to hold back neytiri. The ladies had been order to stay away from you until any other word given from your mates and you.

Jake x tsu'tey x reader x neytiri

Demon

It had started off a peaceful and good morning for you, as you had been working out of the humans bases. You are also enjoying the sun hitting you skin it seems like it was going to be a good day. Now there was only the wait for your kids and mates to get here, as they promised to come over and have morning meal with you.

y/n " they will be here soon should I make some juice for us or maybe pick some fruit ... it can do anything to help with some of the meal" you had decided to pick some fruit and make into juice for the family, as you were picking some fruit you were humming a song.

????? " what is that sound"

???? " I don't know but it coming from over there" you had soon heard movement coming towards you, and soon saw some navi from the clan.

y/n " good morning"

navi women " oh it just you"

y/n " yes it just me good morning as well let hope, the great mother blesses us with a good day"

navi man " she will not need blessing from a demon like you"

y/n " excuse me"

navi women " you heard us you and your demon kind have wormed your way into omadtikayaia clan and have ruined them, by become mates with them and having half navi children"

y/n " I know we have hard time getting along with other navi ...."

navi man " no matter what you do demon you will never be one of us and mostly the demon child you have as well"

y/n " we are not demons"

navi women " yes you are demon and we will make sure no more clan get effected by the likes of you" the demon soon had shoved you to the ground, she was about to grab you again.

???? " mama" tuk soon came running and soon held tight onto you, as the three other kids had came and started hissing at the two adults.

neteyam " how dare you touch my mother and hurt her"

lo'ak " you messed up big time never mess with a sully"

kiri " mama are you okay" kiri and tuk had helped you onto you feet as you soon look, at the two adults.

navi women " looked what we have here two sure born navi and two demon blooded kids"

y/n " you can insult me all your want but leave my kids out of this"

navi women " what are you going to do about demon" the women had hissed at you but she was not acting all pride, when she soon had been take to the floor.

neytiri " how dare you insult my wife and kids"

navi man " hey we were just teaching her and those demons a lesson" the man had soon been punched hard in the face by no other then Jake, and soon someone tossed him towards the women and that was Tsu’tey.

Jake " no you dare speaking to my wife like that ever again, or we will have more trouble here"

Tsu’tey " you two don't have any rights to come near y/n and our kids"

navi women " we were just voice how other feels"

neytiri " then your parents have failed you two on teaching you two to bid your manners, our y/n has done more then you will ever do"

Tsu’tey " no leave and stay out of straight and ear shot if we see you again near here, with our a good reason and causing trouble it will not be good for anyone" the pair had gotten up quickly and soon ran off leaving the family alone.

neytiri " ma y/n are you okay"

y/n " I'm fine neytiri no need to worry thank you all for standing up, for me it makes me feel good"

neytiri " if that women ever come back here again tell me and I will deal with her"

Jake " yes and I and Tsu’tey can deal with her buddy over there"

Tsu’tey " yes we will make them play"

y/n " thank you all but for now more violence at the moment, let go have some breakfast"

tuk " yeah we were able to save mama and now we get breakfast"

y/n " yes we do"

neytiri " we brought some stuff over to cook with as well"

y/n " good now come along" the group soon followed you home, the situation of this morning had soon speed the rest of the clan. it say no one was happy will be a understatement as, everyone was upset about the words that were spoken towards you and the clan. The duo had been made to say sorry by their clan leader and promised to keep their distance from the clan until notice,

Tonowari x reader x ronal

false navi

It a good day in the village a very funny and warm day and the clan was going on with their day. The same could be said about you and the kids, as you are with them near the shoreline collect materials while the kids goofed off here and there. Making you laugh as you had looked at them being kids and making sure to have fun today.

rotox " ahh aonung no fair" aonung and shoved his brother into the water soon, gaining your attention as you look at the two boys.

aonung " oh come on I'm just playing around"

tsireya " you two are so childish" the two boys soon looked at each other and soon smirked, when they looked to their sister and before trsireya could do anything. They had tackled her into the water getting a scream from her and laughs from her brother.

tsireya " hey"

rotxo " oh come on baby sister you should of seen that coming" tsireya soon started a water fight with her brother as you stood there laugh and looking at them.

kids " mama"

y/n " be nice all three of you and not hurting each other please"

kids " yes mama" the kids had went deeper into the water having their battles still going on, as you stood there watching them. You had been standing there for a while before you had waked off.

navi women "excuse me y/n"

y/n " hello how may I help you ladies"

navi women 2 " well us and some of the clan were wondering if you are true navi or false navi"

y/n " excuse me"

navi women 3 " yes after ing the olo'eythan you have failed time to time again, to have a kids with him while ronal has three kids ... are we sure you are actually navi or just some unwanted child the great mother gave your childish parents"

y/n " that is none of your business the great mother will bless me with a child, when the time right"

navi women 4 " are we sure because if you are false navi maybe it time, to have someone become the perfect mate and perfect navi to our clan"

navi women " you have these kids call you mama when you are no a mom to them"

y/n " I will not waste me time with you all anymore good day" you were about to walk away from the women, when big splash of water, had hit the women.

navi female " ahh"

navi women " who did that"

????? " it was me" the group of women and you had looked and saw it was aonung on his IIu.

Aonung " how dare you insult my mother like that"

navi women " mind your manners young man"

aonung " you should mind your manners when you are speaking to my mother, a very import women in the clan"

navi women 2 " we are speaking to her that all"

rotxo " you are being rude toward her and we heard everything you had said"

tisreya " yes and we will make sure to tell our parents about what you said, I wonder what they will think about how you all acted" a crowd had form due to all the fighting that was going on right now.

y/n " kids"

tsireya " you will start showing our mom respect"

???? " what going on here" tonowari and ronal soon had arrived, they soon walked towards you and the kids.

ronal " ma y/n and children what has happened"

aonung " these women were insulting mama mom they called her a false navi"

ronal " false navi"

aonung " yes they said she was a false navi because she failed to give father a child"

ronal " you dare insult my wife like that"

navi women " we had been speaking what is true she has failed to have a child with the olo'eythan"

tonowaro " how dare you speak to y/n like that after everything she has done for the clan, you all make me sick and not only insulting her you insult my whole family"

ronal " my family as well" ronal had gotten closer to the women and hissed at them, making them step back from her as ronal was very mad and so is tonowari.

tonowari " ma y/n are you okay"

y/n " I'm good now"

ronal " you are hear by not allowed to come near her or the children until I and tonowari deem to far enough, and your words and actions today might reflect your families and mates as well"

navi wonen 3 " wait no please"

tonowari " enough the tshaik has spoken I will decide on the offers I was going to give your mates, but for now leave before you all do anything else ... if anyone thinks the same speak now so we can deal with you all" no one dare to speak right now as it bad idea, the women had been escorted away getting glares some everyone else. Your mates and kids had taken you home as they comfort you about the whole matter.

tonowari " dont pay them any mind ma y/n you are the perfect mate, perfect mom, and perfect navi"

ronal " yes and one day you will be blessed with a kid"

y/n " yes I know the day will come"

tsireya " we love you mama"

y/n " thank you kids and my wonderful mates" the family had spent the rest of the day together, having a good time along with making sure you are okay as well. Tonowari and ronal had made sure the group of women stayed far away from you, and the kids their mates had apologized to you and were able not to be affected of what happened that day. You knew the day will come when you will be blessed with the another child in your life and family.

[liminaltrickster]

Show Your Work: Nicola Coughlan/Penelope Featherington

For now, I've decided to call this series of astrological investigations "Show Your Work." It's a working title 😉

As promised, let's look for Penelope Bridgerton (née Featherington, aka Lady Whistledown) in Nicola Coughlan's chart.

But first, the same disclaimers as before:

I'm a traditional astrologer. This is the source from which I pull the meanings of the planets, houses and signs. This also means that I use Whole Sign houses. If you're used to Placidus or another house system, things will probably look a bit different here.

Yes, there are natal charts available for the characters of Colin and Penelope. I just haven't had a chance to look at them closely yet. I hope to soon, and we'll see what we can glean!

When we look at a natal chart, individual placements can be read in a multitude of ways depending on what we're wondering about. I'm coming to this chart looking for Bridgerton, so the reading will be very specific.

I don't and won't make delineations for people's personal lives without their consent. That's why we're focusing on a piece of Nicola's public creative output here.

This chart was cast with an estimated birth time, but assuming the rising sign is correct, it's fine for our purposes.

—

Just as we did with Luke's chart, looking at the ruler of the 5th house feels like the most natural thing to do. This means that for Nicola, we're going to be focusing on Mercury (☿) in Capricorn (♑) in the 12th:

The 5th House and its Ruler

Being an Aquarius rising, Nicola's 5th house is Gemini (♊). Gemini isn't the sign of our focus, but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that the Gemini themes of duality, changeability, deception and invention are quite apt as far as Penelope and Whistledown go.

Anyway, the ruler of Gemini is...

Mercury

This first part is pretty simple: Mercury rules the mind, writing and speech. Penelope is a thinker and a writer. When anyone cares to listen to her, she has a lot to say, and she says it exceedingly well.

But Mercury is also the trickster, so let's discuss the archetype (see: my username). In myths and stories, the trickster is cunning and witty. We'll always find them breaking rules and crossing boundaries, including those associated with the social order, often to chaotic effect. Penelope not only publishes a scandal sheet, but she also blows past the limits of propriety by naming names.

There's also much to be said about gossip's usefulness in holding the powerful to account and the gendered criticism of gossip. Gossip has always been a way for vulnerable groups (in this case, women) to share information outside of the influence or control of the dominant group (in this case, men). The trickster is a disruptor who challenges authority. This is Penelope as Whistledown (and, eventually, as herself).

The trickster is a shapeshifter, and I'm not only talking about Penelope donning a disguise and accent to do business on behalf of Whistledown. Just as the trickster often exhibits gender variability, Penelope plays with the gender roles of Regency society. While she's not completely free to do as she pleases, she has an occupation that she's good at, that she's passionate about, and that brings in a hefty income.

In Nicola's chart, Mercury is very closely conjunct the Sun (☉)—this is called being combust. Combustion is a visual phenomenon whereby a planet is said to be "burnt up" by the Sun and cannot be seen because the Sun's light is too bright.

I don't know if it's possible to count all of the ways that Penelope goes unseen in this show, but let's try:

Not only does the ton spend three seasons not knowing who Whistledown is, but they very rarely take any notice of Penelope either.

At any given ball, Penelope is a wallflower of the first water because none of these dud(e)s think to ask her to dance.

In fact, it's this disregard that allows Penelope to collect information, disappear from events, and even repeatedly spend unchaperoned time with Colin Bridgerton.

Colin himself takes two and a half seasons to see what's directly in front of his face (Penelope... it's Penelope, lol). He doesn't see that she clearly has feelings for him, he doesn't see her as more than a friend, and he doesn't even see that he already has feelings for her. Heck, for a while there, he doesn’t even see her as a woman (“You are Pen. You do not count. You’re my friend.” 💀).

Eloise spends two seasons looking for Whistledown, and it turns out it was her best friend all along. She's also surprised when Penelope and Colin show up engaged because she has somehow never noticed that her closest friend has been in love with her brother the whole time.

Penelope's mother and sisters assume that she's a lost cause who'll remain unmarried. When they find out she's been writing letters to Colin in season 2, they scoff at the idea of them being friends. Portia takes comfort in the idea that Penelope will always be around, but she has no clue that her home is Whistledown HQ.

The 12th House

The 12th house doubles down on these themes of something or someone being unseen. It is a difficult place, but it makes sense for Penelope. Some of its topics include secrets (yes), scandal (uh huh), and hidden enemies (I'd say so).

It's also a place of ostracization. As a woman seen as undesirable for marriage, Penelope is already snubbed by Regency society. Whether it's by her friend (and future husband) Colin Bridgerton or her enemy Cressida Cowper, she's suffered no shortage of slights and cruelty.

She keeps her identity as Whistledown a secret for so long because she risks further alienation if the ton discovers who's been casting aspersions and spilling their secrets.

This house is a place of "self-undoing." Whatever we may think of Whistledown's utility, the whole scheme gets away from Penelope this season. By her own admission, she's made mistakes, hurting others and herself in the process. The only way forward is to own up to it.

Capricorn

Nicola herself has referred to Capricorn as a "famously uncool sign," and I suppose Capricorn has this reputation due to the seriousness of its themes. Resourcefulness, persistence, ambition and goal-setting aren't particularly cool, but they can certainly get you stacks of money under the floorboards.

Capricorn can also be steely and even ruthless. Penelope is a fundamentally good person, but there's an eerie level of discipline, detachment and single-mindedness required to publish gossip about those closest to you, not to mention about yourself.

That being said, I believe that Capricorn (like all signs) is much more complex than folks give it credit for. Let's refer again to Liz Greene in The Astrology of Fate:

I understand [Joseph] Campbell to be saying by this that the father-son polarity, the avenging Lawgiver whose strict and structured rules of life collide with the lusty, libidinous goat-like desires of the son, exists within the one individual. Morality and shame, law and lawlessness, seem to comprise some of the polar opposites of Capricorn. The son must face the father's punishment, only to find that the father is within himself; and the father, the old king, must face the son's rebellion, only to find that it is his own youthful spirit that he thought he had outgrown long ago. The initiation of the son by the father is an inner experience which, it seems as though by fate, Capricorn is often denied in the actual parental relationship, and he must therefore seek it within himself on a deeper level. By this description I am, as usual, not talking about men only, for this father-son constellation belongs as much to woman and her capacity for effectiveness and self-sufficiency in the world as it does to man.

That sums up Pen’s arc pretty tidily, don’t you think?

It's only when she decides to come off the wall and integrate these two disparate parts of herself that she's able to start saying what's really on her mind and articulating her needs. This is when she starts getting what she actually wants: to be with the person she loves, to have better relationships with her mother and sisters, to earn the forgiveness of her best friend, to write openly as herself, and to be recognized by society.

—

That’s all folks!

The next one of these, whenever I get to it, will be looking for Sydney Adamu in Ayo Edibiri's chart.

[kulemiwrites]

𝐑𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏| 𝐀𝐤𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐍𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚

Part: i of iii

Genre: Romance, Eventual Smut

Rating: 18+

Word count: 5.1k

Character(s): Akira Nishikiyama, fem!Reader

Warning: Do not read if the idea of an f/o having previous partners or you being the object of envy is upsetting to you. Also, this is not an established relationship fic. Too long for tumblr? Read on AO3

Nishikiyama is a regular at your club and he's quite popular amongst your coworkers. He tends to be at the center of all the hot gossip backstage and now, so are you. Word is, you're the latest notch on his bedpost and more than privy to his secret talent. Are the rumors true?

There were names that you became familiar with after spending any amount of time in the Kamurocho nightlife. Some were names of people to watch out for- bad news, dangerous, some of the last people in town you’d want to cross paths with. Some were known for simply throwing their weight around- flashing their cash, accompanied by muscle, having a pissy fit whenever they didn’t quite get their way. There were also the names of the guy or gal you went to when you really needed to know something or to have something done. Or perhaps they just had a bit of a… reputation– word got around about them. Depending on who you spoke to in town, Akira Nishikiyama could have fit into any one of those categories.

You’d never seen much of his violent side but you knew perfectly well how capable he was of it. He’d offered a hand to security once when a customer got a tad too “friendly” with you. He never quite threw a tantrum but he wasn’t above spilling a wad of cash on the podium to get ahead of the line when there was a wait. However, there was one thing you couldn’t deny without a shadow of a doubt: Nishikiyama had quite the reputation.

He wasn’t the most popular with men from what you could tell. Even the men he’d come into the club with seemed to give him a bit of a hard time. Sometimes he seemed to take it in stride. Other times, through the fury in his sharp brown glare you could see that there seemed to be a silent promise of a brawl outside once the session was over.

The women however, fell over themselves to get to him. You couldn’t say that you didn’t see the appeal. He was handsome– beyond handsome, sometimes when you sat with him and watched him lower his defenses enough to smile and laugh, he was quite beautiful even. His hair had more volume than some of the girls in the dressing room. He was no slouch either. Every single one of his suits were designer– you didn’t know which designers but after being in this business for long enough, you could tell the difference between a tailored, brand name suit and a shoddy, discount shop suit trying to pass itself off as one. There was never even a speck of dirt on his shiny leather shoes. 

And he always smelled absolutely divine-- Fresh. Woody. Something, something, sensual masculinity. You didn’t know the right words but it alone was captivating. Even you could find yourself lost in that aroma and unconsciously bow over hoping for more.

There was a draw to him.

However, it wasn’t just his good looks that had the girls dying to swarm him like flies to honey. He had charm, too. It was hard to miss, especially when he routinely surrounded himself with charmless buffoons. 

He stood out and he made it seem effortless.

Nishikiyama had been your regular for a year, at least. Perhaps you’d been seeing him for longer but you only decided to start paying attention to how often he would request you when your coworkers began to complain. When he first began visiting the club, infrequently, every couple months or so, he’d take any girl he’d been sat with but after seeing you a few times, he seemed to increase his visits– how often he saw you. 

He’d begun to show up about once or twice a week, each time with a different ensemble of men in his entourage– familiar faces but never quite the exact same group. If he was the first to arrive, which he typically was, you were requested. He’d take no one else. It mattered none to him that you were busy. If he couldn’t bri– pay to have you reassigned from whoever you were serving originally, he’d take a placeholder and wait until you were available. Either way, he’d see you before the night was over.

He wasn’t the most patient about it but still, he’d wait, craning his neck around the room until you made your way over to him.

This behavior of his had begun to cause a bit of a stir in the dressing room and in the beginning you’d done your best to ignore it but you were now at your wits end. 

There were…rumors about Akira Nishikiyama and many of them circulated in the dressing room then made their way out into the streets of Kamurocho. Then, vice versa. It wasn’t as if you wanted to hear them. You never even asked but the information always managed to find its way to you somehow; be it an overheard conversation or someone giddily whispering over your shoulder what they’d just “found out”. In their minds, they thought it to be vital information for you. 

After all, you were allegedly Nishikiyama’s “favorite”.

Some of the rumors were silly, nothing that anyone should have bothered to concern themselves with. Things like: A friend of a friend had given him her number and he’d never called her! What a jerk, right? Or, he’d dated some college girl a few summers ago and then suddenly broke it off and ever since she’d been telling everyone that she wants him back. Whose business was that anyway? Then, there were other things you would hear, that, even though you pretended not to care, it did perk your ears juuust a little. 

There was a hostess that used to work with you a couple months ago who quit- reasons unknown. Word in the dressing room was that they had a bit of a “thing” together– a one night stand. She wouldn’t stop bringing it up whenever he showed up and requested you instead of her. Essentially, every time he showed up... You supposed it was meant to make you jealous but in reality, it only made you question why he’d go after such a bratty girl to begin with. 

You questioned his taste, sure, but, jealous? Of course not.

You had another coworker who alleged to have hooked up with him too but she’d only mentioned it once or twice after going out drinking with the others after work. The rest did the legwork for her. 

At the risk of making the man sound a tad promiscuous, there were quite a few different stories going around about him. All from different women. And although the stories all started differently, they typically ended the same way: Nishikiyama-kun went down on me and gave me the best orgasm of my life.

Again, it wasn’t as if you wanted to know these things but hearing that same conclusion time and time again did make you slightly curious. You had to admit. Could he really be that good? Then, you’d mentally kick yourself anytime you found the thought circulating in your mind. He was your regular– you shouldn’t be entertaining such thoughts even in absolute jest. 

One had to maintain a level of professionalism here.

His notoriety amongst the ladies and his proclivity for you, though, had begun to make work a little unbearable. Where you once fell under the radar, you were now under the spotlight– right there with Nishikiyama and his wagging tongue. The gossip had gone from simply being about him and various faceless women in town to being about you, specifically.

And so, you became an object of resentment and envy.

In their minds, if you’d been hooking up with the man after hours, why not just come clean like the others? Also, you were raking it in when he stopped by! That had to go against some sort of guideline. You had to answer to managers on multiple occasions that, no, you were not having casual sex with a customer and yes, you did understand that went against club policy. The ladies couldn’t understand why the hell he would be giving you so much attention if you weren’t selling the goods on the side. You knew deep down the managers didn’t really care as it was bringing in a hefty, steady flow of cash but they were posturing to keep the others happy. 

You got it from both ends and it pissed you off immensely because there wasn’t the slightest bit of truth to any of it.

In fact, the infamous “Nishikiyama-kun~” hadn’t come on to you once since he’d started requesting you all that time ago. Things were no different with him than they were with the rest of your customers and you were sure that your coworkers knew that as they tended to stand around and seethe and stare as you worked if they weren’t paired off with you. 

You were the friendly hostess– the one that customers could count on to help cheer them up after a rough day. The listening ear, the shoulder to cry on. You were the one who lifted their spirits and made them laugh. That was your role. You weren’t quite equipped to play the seductress that they were all accusing you of being. Whenever your clients had their moods lifted high enough and were leaning in for something a little more playful, or romantic in nature, you called in reinforcements.

Even so, he’d always seemed to go at your pace. Never once have you ever had to pass him off to someone else and it sort of begged the question: What gives? If he was such a casanova picking up girls here and over yonder, why the hell hasn’t he ever tried anything with you? Were you not his type or something? It wasn’t as if you wanted him to hit on you– Gosh, anything but! But… 

Well, you’d at least like the courtesy of shooting him down. 

After everything you’d heard about the guy from the others, you thought, well, it’d just be polite!

“______!” the floor manager shouted your name, startling you as you reapplied your lipstick in the mirror. 

The crimson had smeared past your lip line and down your chin. You looked up at him, making cold eye contact with his reflection in the mirror. You could see him biting back a smile as he pressed his palms together. 

“Yeah?”

“One of your regulars is here to see you,” he said.

You cleaned the smeared lipstick, continuing to look up at him. “Alright, who is it?” But you didn’t really need to ask, you had a hunch.

“Nishikiyama-sama.” he said curtly.

“I see.” you said, fixing the neckline of your dress. “Let him know I’ll be out in a bit.”

The man bowed, “Of course.”

The woman at the vanity next to yours, a veteran at the club, shot you a dirty look. “‘Of course’.” she echoed.

You were so exhausted with the catty attitudes but you tried to at least respect the hierarchy of the place, as much as it pained you. So, you lifted yourself from the stool to excuse yourself and meet with your client. Before turning, you scanned your vanity for things that he’d previously gifted you with and decided on wearing them instead. So, you swapped the emerald and gold necklace for the pearl pendant he’d brought you last week. You spritzed yourself with the perfume from last month and slipped on the bracelet from the beginning of it all. You passed over your reflection one last time before heading toward the velvet curtains.

Perhaps it was a little embarrassing to say but Nishiki felt at home whenever he’d come to this place. The drinks were a bit watered down and overpriced but the food wasn’t bad and the service was phenomenal. He didn’t always feel that way though. In fact, it took more than a few tries to get it right and usually, he gave up on a place when it failed to satisfy him the first time. After all, every 10 paces, there’s another hostess club with the same damn drink menu with the same damn food with the same damn tropes of women to pawn off to the men willing to waste their time and money.

But not every single one of those clubs had a girl like you in it. 

To say you were cute would have been an absolute understatement but that wasn’t what kept him coming back. Kamurocho was the land of beautiful women. It was the way you did your job. You suspected that he had money– he saw you size him up when you first greeted him but you never tried to upsell him on anything. If you were attracted to him, he sure as hell couldn’t tell. You never pushed yourself up on him or puffed out your chest, grabbed onto him or played in his hair like the treatment he’s used to at these sorts of places. You simply filled his drink, kept him company and looked absolutely stunning doing it. 

Sometimes, you helped him relax– other times, you were the reason that he couldn’t but he’d never let you see him sweat… 

Sure, he did have nights when he wanted to go out and have a cute girl go all out flirting with him every once in a while but he had other places for that. This place was where he went to take it easy or schmooze or both and he’d sing its praises (and yours) to anyone that’d listen. Hence why he brought so many people here– that and, he did have days where… and he couldn’t explain it but he just had a strong desire to hear your voice and see you, admire your smile and laugh, eyes and when you wouldn’t notice, your figure. 

Tonight was one of those nights, the desire to just have you near him was so unbelievably strong but he feared his party this evening wasn’t the most hometrained. They just might’ve blown his cover if he wasn’t careful enough.

He sat back against the teal, chenille banquette, arms stretched along the back while his right leg crossed loosely over the left, foot rocking above his knee. He’d been smirking as his two old buddies from middle school debated inappropriately about what they would and wouldn’t do in bed. He reached forward and grabbed his lit cigarette from the ashtray as the conversation pivoted to oral sex. These guys were absolute goobers with no game at all. He hoped they’d stop by the time the girls arrived to keep them company or else they’d just start telling on themselves.

This should be good. He thought, right eye narrowing a bit as he softly hollowed his cheeks on inhale.

“I just don’t get how guys can stomach it for that long. A couple of licks and I’m over it.” his buddy Miura with a wife and two kids said.

Muira was a loyal friend but he wasn’t so much as a husband and to hear he was also a selfish lover, Nishiki could see why things turned out the way they did. He released his smoke and chuckled.

“‘A couple licks’?” he repeated incredulously. 

His other friend, Takagi, folded his arm over his rounded belly and smiled proudly, “I do just enough to get ‘em wet then I stick it in.”

Nishiki’s eyes widened. He shook his head as he rubbed at his bottom lip with his cigarette wielding hand. “You guys are horrific. I don’t even want to imagine the horror stories those poor girls are going back and telling their friends about you.”

Miura clicked his tongue, “Who cares what stories they tell. I know what really happened!”

Nishiki raised a brow at his friend and teased, “What, that you didn’t make them cum?”

“That’s not true!” the man denied, his face quickly growing red. “I’ve made loads of ladies cum! I always make them cum! Every single one of them!”

“Somehow I doubt that, Mr. Two Licks I’m Out.” Nishiki laughed. 

Takagi rested his arms on his knees and stared at their friend with a look of concern. “Say, Miura, why you making it sound like you get so much pussy or somethin’ anyway? I’m really thinkin’ of tellin’ your wife at this point. I mean, think of the kids.”

“She’s the one that started screwin’ that damn rice farmer!” 

“Awww.” Nishiki and Takagi said in false sympathy. Muira had long forgotten he’d drunkenly admitted to his wife finding out about his regular cheating and agreeing to stay together for the sake of the kids but she would be stepping out in the meantime. Neither of them felt bad for him. 

Great friend, horrible husband.

Your voice, as lovely as the last he’d heard it– two nights ago to be exact, cut into his banter with his friends and he tried to make sure he wasn’t too responsive when he turned to meet it. He was glad you didn’t have a stethoscope attached to his chest or otherwise you’d hear his heart playing blast beats. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” you chirped, your hands clasped in between your thighs as you bowed deeply.  

You were wearing that cute, knee length dress you’d just bought last week. He remembered you being so excited about it when you described it to him. He was subtle about his eyes when they scanned you from top to bottom before you swiped your pretty, manicured hands beneath your perfect ass to pull your dress taut before taking your usual seat beside him.  He softly took his bottom lip in between his teeth and tilted his head to the side as he tried to regulate his breathing. 

Fuck, you looked amazing tonight. You looked amazing every night but tonight you had a certain glow about you. He could just eat you up… 

Figuratively, of course.

“It’s alright.” he said, finally releasing his lip and noting that a couple of unfortunate girls have paired off with his friends. “You’re a popular girl. That’s what I get for going after the best in the house, right?”

You gave him a polite smile and fumbled with your hands which were still in your lap as your eyes darted in between your coworkers. You’d never gone for flattery but usually you’d at least brush him off with a laugh. Instead, he sensed tension and this wasn’t the first time.

He removed his arms from behind the booth, positioning his clasped hands into the lap of his spread legs. He wasn’t even sure why he’d done it just that he was compelled to do it. 

“So, Nish–” 

“By the way–”

You both spoke, interrupting one another. You giggled, so precious, then offered him the floor. Nishiki searched your face before leaning in, you smelled amazing. Familiar. He knew that he’d smelled this scent before but this wasn’t what you typically smelled like. At least, he didn’t remember you smelling like this the other night. He should have remembered. When did you change perfumes? Wait, was this the one he’d gotten you and if so, why did it smell better now than when he smelled it at the store? 

“Nishikiyama-san?” you said, when he continued to subtly hover over to you saying nothing. “Are you okay?” 

Shit. He needed to get himself together. He was better than this.

“Sorry, I just noticed that you…” he mumbled, rubbing the tip of his nose as he realized he was at risk of losing his ‘flying under the radar’ game with a comment like this. “smell different.”

He watched you beam as you tucked your chin into your shoulder, bringing your manicured fingers to your chest, “You noticed! I didn’t think you would.”

“And why wouldn’t I?” he asked, folding his arms across his own chest playfully. You were the only damn girl in the place he paid any attention to. He’d notice if you plucked/waxed your eyebrows, if you dyed your hair or even if the color painted on your fucking toes was different since he’d last saw you.

You were his favorite.

You teased your hair, eyes dancing between his, “I don’t know. Most guys give us gifts and don’t remember that they’ve given them to us. Some people give gifts just to win favor or out of feelings of obligation– Or shut certain people up.”

Your voice lowered, and you rocked yourself in his direction to whisper that last part. He laughed. He usually hated workplace gossip when he went to these places but he’d listen to you tell him who was getting new tatami mats for their house if that’s what you had on your chest that day. 

Speaking of chests, it wasn’t lost on him that your neckline was sort of plunging. You’d had some of the most gorgeous skin that he’d ever seen, amongst other things– except, he’s not supposed to be seeing it. If he’d been playing this properly, you had no inkling that he was even into you. There’d be no reason for you to suspect that the reason that the sweat beading around his hairline had likely come from the stress of avoiding any undue glances at the valley of your breasts and not the heat of the building.

“You think I don’t notice things, huh?”

He lost. 

He snuck a peek but it was perfect– as were you, by the way. 

“I got you that necklace, didn’t I?” he asked rhetorically, eyeing the necklace and absolutely nothing else. “Let’s see…”

You hid your folded hands in your lap once again and he reached delicately for the decorated forearm.

“That bracelet….”

You gasped dramatically.

“C’mon, I point that out every time you wear it…” he said, attempting to fight off the sheepish feeling that had been creeping up on him. “The perfume is new, though.”

“That’s because I wore it for the first time just for you tonight.”

His heart skipped a couple of beats and his ears rang. He had to look away. He didn’t really care where his gaze fell but he wanted to make sure he appeared as disinterested as possible. Fuck. The room was spinning, though. He scanned his friends who had long since forgotten his existence just as he’d forgotten theirs. He half rolled his head to crack his neck then stretched his arms back out onto the booth as he called to his friends.

“Miura, Takagi. We’ve been sitting here a while.” he said. “I say we order something.”

“You're paying right, Nishikiyama?” Miura laughed then tapped his hostess with his elbow. “Sweetheart, bring me the most expensive shit you got!”

When he looked at you, you went into your default, robotic menu presentation. He hated doing what he’d just done but he was never sure what to make of the things you said. He was sure you said sweet things like that to any man that came in and gave you gifts. You weren’t the only one he’d given a gift to either but you were the only one that made him feel things when he saw them again– the only one he put thought into while shopping for.

He lowered the menu in your hands and smiled, “You know what I like. Take care of me, yeah?”

You nodded, then turned to raise your hand to call over a server. 

Nishiki pulled open the pocket of his maroon jacket to retrieve his pack of cigarettes and lighter then watched as you placed his usual order. He should’ve waited to let you light it for him but he’d gone into a trance. Even when doing something as simple as asking for liquor and greasy food, you looked like a divine being. Simply otherworldly. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off and had been off for some time now.

He blew out a puff of smoke that obscured his view of your side profile and once you were facing him again, it cleared and he could see it clear as day. 

There was a crack in your transcendence. 

What were you in need of?

How could he relieve you?

—

The usual 90 minute session plus extra hour extension that Nishiki tended to get with you flew by as it always did. His friends had left 30 minutes earlier- Miura, to get back to the wife and kids and Takagi to not risk cutting it close for the last train of the evening. So, there was no longer any need for the other two hostesses that accompanied you during the session. That just left him to spend the remainder of the time alone with you but he had no complaints about that.

He contemplated all evening when or even if, he should bring it up especially since he wasn’t certain at the time. Now that there was no one left but the two of you, it was clear as day. When your coworkers were there, you seemed quite anxious. You seemed to go into a quiet panic when he’d say certain things to you, too– which were never bad but if he had to wager, you must have been worried about them being taken out of context. Now that the girls were gone, you seemed calmer albeit still a bit tense.

He couldn’t just leave it alone.

He wasn’t sure what was going on but he suspected this place had much to do with it. He’d whisk you away if he could, even if only for one night.

“Say,” he said, placing his empty, sweating glass onto the table of chaos. “Where do you take up after hours anyway?”

Your confused expression was one of your cutest ones but he was sure his question was quite clear. You could fool anyone else but he wouldn’t let you try it with him.

“You’ve told me about your hobbies and stuff but you’ve never really told me what you like to do after work. How do you unwind?”

“Uh…” you trailed off and nothing else followed. 

You shared a lot about yourself but there tended to be many things that you seemed to prefer to keep private. He wanted to know as much as there was to know about you. He wished that you would become an open book and show him all of your pages, even the unrefined, ripped and scratched out ones that you hid from everyone else. 

“Don’t tell me you go home and do nothing?” he teased. “You know, your coworkers go out to hit the bars and clubs right after their shifts are done.”

You stared at him in silence for a moment too long then muttered, “Of course you would know.” as you looked away.

Something in that expression worried him. This time, he couldn’t even hide it if he wanted to. He felt his brows twitch together as he turned toward you on the banquette, resting his forearms on his knees. What the fuck has he done now?

“What do you mean?”

You shrugged, rolling your fingers over your thumb appearing indifferent. “I’ve heard about you…”

Oh. That. He could almost laugh but he didn’t.

He had been your regular for a year and 4 months, occasional client a couple times before that and this is only now coming up? It made his lips curl, his ears perk and his mouth salivate. What was it to you anyway? 

What, did you want to know if the rumors were true too?

“Yeah?” he tried his best to contain his smile and so, he licked his lips instead. “And? Tell me… What am I famous for?”

He wanted so badly to tease you for the way your eyes popped then averted. He could feel the heat rising from you just from where he sat. Anywhere else, he might’ve given you a really hard time. But you were working, after all and he wasn’t sure if you realized it but, you two seemingly had an audience of employees pretending to be busy.

“The girls say that you’ve invited them out to hook up and never call them back or something.”

Or something, but something told him you knew the whole story. Cute.

“That’s the scoop, huh? So, I’m a hostess hopper, then?” He tightened his lips as he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Alright, well. Do you want the truth or a lie?”

You scrunched your nose up at him, “I don't care to know your business but if I did, obviously I’d want the truth. What kind of question is that?”

His eyes scanned the room, noting your coworkers staring not-so-subtly as he rubbed his back against the teal seating, “I did recognize at least two girls here that I’ve been with before.”

“‘At least’?”

He nodded, tilting his head as he looked at you with a tired expression. “The thing is though, I didn’t realize they worked here until after it happened. It’s not as if I found them here and asked them out– They just so happened to be where I was. We talked. One thing lead to another–”

You waved a dismissive hand at him, letting him know that he was giving more information than you needed and wanted. “I think I get the jist. I know how hook-ups work, Nishikiyama-san.”

Nishiki straightened his posture and looked you square in the eye. “Just know that I never met them here and invited them out anywhere.”

“You know, Nishikiyama-san, I’m not sure that I really care all that much…” you said scratching your temple. “I’m not even sure why you’re telling me this.”

He had a buzz that helped him gather the confidence to do what he was about to do but he could feel it leaving him as soon his heart began to pound against his chest again.

“Because I want you to understand the difference when I tell you that I won’t pressure you, but if you’re looking for a change of pace once you’re done for the night…” he began, reaching into his wallet to retrieve a business card with an address, number and someone else’s name on it. “I recommend this bar. It’s run by a friend of mine. It’s a really nice place to unwind– never gets crowded. I’ll be headed there some time after this.”

He handed you the card and when you grabbed the other end of it, he continued to hold his end as he scanned your face. “This is what it looks like when I actually invite someone out.”

“Um,” you started. “I’m not promising that I’ll be there but–”

You’re nervous and you’re questioning his intentions. He can see it in your eyes.

“Excuse me sir but your session extension has expired.” a server interrupted but Nishiki ignored him. This was far more important.

“You’ll think about it?” he asked, finally releasing the card with a hopeful smile.

You smiled one final time before standing up out of your seat to do your session closing. “I’ll think about it.”

He rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants and nodded. “That’s all a guy could hope for.”

Part 2

Please do not reupload/repost/rewrite but reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated. Thank you for reading!

[ecargmura]

Grandpa And Grandma Turn Young Again Episode 11 Review + Final Thoughts - A Happy Way To End

What do you mean this is the finale? It’s surprisingly happy and wholesome and then the ending was just bittersweet. Apparently, the manga was completed two days ago and this episode is an adaptation of it. That’s crazy how the manga and anime ended in the same week.

The entire episode is just Shouzou and Ine wanting to spend time with family. The first half of the episode, it’s practically a New Year’s family gathering where Yoshiaki, Takahiro and even Akemi’s family from Tokyo come over to visit. Heck, even Ine’s sister Tsuru is here too! It’s really nice to see the interactions between the other family members. It feels like every Asian family gathering to me where the men drink, women gossip and kids play with each other; also, it’s cute how Tsuru is grouped with the kids as she can��t really do much in her current state.

Seeing the extended family interact is so heartwarming. It’s also interesting how Shiori calls Tsuru “Grandma” too. I don’t think there is a word for “grandaunt” in Japanese, hence why she calls her grandma. Kousuke calls Shiori, Mino and Shunsuke as big sister and big brother despite them being their aunts and uncle. I think it’s to emphasize that they’re still young despite being his dad’s cousins (Shiori and Mino) and uncle (Shunsuke). I wonder if the animators keep forgetting that Akemi has two sons because when her family shows up in the car, the backseat had Shunsuke, Shinji’s wife and Kousuke but then Kousuke’s dad Shinji shows up later on. I think it’s because Shinji works and Shunsuke is still young? How old is Shunsuke anyways? He seems like a college student if he is considered one of the kids with Shiori and Mino.

I think the part where Kousuke was throwing a tantrum over leaving his great-grandparents’ house was so cute. Back in Episode 6, Kousuke freaked out over seeing Shouzou and even called him a fake version of his dad, but later bonded with him as he was seen playing together, sleeping together and was even eating dinner on his lap. The fact that this episode shows that he prefers his great-grandpa over his dad who is basically the younger version of him shows he really loves him. The way Ine gives him a Haramaki bear and tells him that the bear will watch over him was really bittersweet because they promised to meet up in summer break but that promise isn’t kept, sadly.

The second half of the episode focuses on the elderly couple spending time with Mino and Shouta at the orchard. It seems that Mino and Shouta are finally dating with the way Shouta calls her by her first name and not the usual “Saito-san”. The way Shouzou tells Shouta “I leave the rest to you” really got to me because it has two meanings: 1. He’s leaving the orchard to Shouta and 2. He leaves Mino in his hands. The fact that this rang that their time is slowly ending got to me.

The way that the elderly couple sit next to each other and cuddle as they think about the happy endings for each of their family members. Shiori is a high contender for getting into the medical department of her dream school as Satoshi has been tutoring her. The Takahashis talk about Shiori all the time whenever they visit her father Takahiro at the clinic, hinting at a possible endgame between his daughter and their grandson. Yoshiaki found a new job. Akemi’s kids have all flown out of the nest, meaning that Shunsuke graduated college or found job or something (I kind of want to know more about Akemi’s family since not much was explained about her kids other than her having three kids with the eldest married and having Kousuke). After thinking about their family, they pass away together. That was the most bittersweet way to end there! It got me emotional!

Fortunately, it seems that 50 years later, Mino and Shouta married, took over the apple orchard and grew old together. The apple tree they planted together grew up and has a golden apple, meaning that Mino and Shouta are the next elderly couple to regain their youth. I like that after so much teasing around, these two are finally endgame and even took over the Saito couple’s legacy as a happily married couple in a way. It was a nice way to give an update on what happened to the orchard and the Mino and Shouta subplot.

Final Thoughts

This was a very wholesome anime. I really like family-oriented stories, so to see a story about an elderly married couple regaining their youth and then strengthening their relationship with each other and with their kids and extended family really tug onto my heartstrings. It’s a nice story with a nice message about trying to enjoy your life as best as you can and living without regrets.

While regaining their youth means that they’re able to do things they couldn’t do in the past, it doesn’t mean that they’re immortal. I like the fact that they’re on a time limit, but doesn’t fret over it too much. In fact, this story doesn’t have a lot of high stakes as it’s just Shouzou and Ine going through shenanigans now that they got this weird power. I also like that they don’t abuse it that much.

Shouzou and Ine are such a perfect couple. They complete each other and they’re still in love even after 58 years of marriage. They bring the best in each other. I love that their grandchildren see them as the ideal couple and strive to have a love as great as theirs. The way Shouzou asks the Shrine God to share both of their life force so that they can die together was one of the sweetest moments ever. What they fear isn’t death, but the fact that one will be left alone if the other dies. Shouzou did promise that he’d never leave Ine alone and he kept it.

The other couples are really good too. Mino and Shouta are adorable together as well as Shiori and Satoshi. Heck, I like that every member of the Saito family are in happy marriages. The Takahashis seem to be happy together too.

The voice actor cast is heavily stacked. Shinichiro Miki and Mamiko Noto play the leads and they did it so well. The supporting cast were great too. This isn’t an anime where voice acting prowess is necessary, but it’s still nice that they casted a lot of big names for a wholesome show like this.

The animation and music are a bit simple, but it fits the vibes, so I don’t have much to say about it. If anything, I love the color palettes, but the color choices for the characters can be a bit weird as none of them really share any resemblance with their parents or even their grandparents. For example, Ine has blue eyes, but none of her kids and her extended family have blue eyes. Mino is the only one who has Shouzou’s gray-ish blue eyes but doesn’t have her parents’ hair colors. Akemi, Shouzou and Ine’s daughter, has brown hair, but her parents have black hair. It’s really bizarre how the hair and eye colors are inconsistent.

Overall, if you want a feel-good slice of life anime to watch, this would be a good contender. It’s one of the most wholesome ones for this season.

[arzner]

Maybe I just notice it more now that I'm in my 30s, but it seems like in so many different places I read just for casual conversation/gossip, people seem absolutely fixated on believing that women need to act in a ~certain way~ once they hit 30. You have to put away all "frivolous" hobbies and interests, you can't have any fun anymore, you have to be extremely mature and sure of yourself and never petty or flawed, you have to have Settled Down in life, etc. I find it really ridiculous. Then I wonder if I'm just particularly immature for my age or something, but I don't really think so. I just don't think there's that big of a difference between your late 20s and early 30s, I don't think that everyone needs to be on the same timetable or doing the same things in life anyway, and obviously I certainly don't think that women need to be hidden away at home raising children and serving men and doing nothing for themselves or whatever it is these people think women "need" to be doing by a certain age.

I don't want to pin this on any one group or start any silly generation wars, but it does seem like a lot of this comes from people a generation or so younger than me...which I guess is somewhat natural: when you're really young you sometimes kind of think everyone older than you is Old, but in some ways it seems more pronounced in this group. Fear of aging is not new in the slightest, but I've had to spend some time with people about a decade younger than me lately (when usually I find myself around people my own age or older) and they seem really fixated on ages even down to thinking, for example, that a 24-year-old is markedly older than a 22-year-old, and they talk about age constantly. Maybe it's just the particular people I've been around. I don't know. It's just not something I remember my peers being as obsessed with when we were their age. I remember thinking that everyone within about five years of my age was the same as me when I was in my 20s.

It's all been bothering me lately, and I should probably just ignore it, but I guess it's hitting me at a time when I finally felt like I'd mostly gotten over all the fears and insecurities about aging, and it's sort of dragging me right back. It also depresses me that so many people, even self-proclaimed progressives, truly think that women don't deserve to live our lives for ourselves...and that having hobbies and interests past a certain age is pathetic, that spending any time online past a certain age is inappropriate, that our only purpose in life is settling down with a bunch of babies and a husband. They may know better than to say this so explicitly, but it's clear that this is what they believe deep down.

Maybe people want to believe that something mystical happens the day you turn 30, but it really doesn't. You don't change overnight, you don't unlock any secret wisdom, you aren't suddenly ancient... You're the same person you were the night before when you were 29. It's also frustrating that so many people think having kids and/or marrying men is the only path to "maturity" for women. I know plenty of immature parents and plenty of mature childfree people, plenty of 30-somethings who are totally unsure of themselves and plenty of 20-somethings who are quite mature... I don't say any of this to discourage growth or encourage immaturity and helplessness in adults -- I just think there are so many different ways to live your life, and I'm deeply tired of running into these totally regressive, sexist attitudes lately. Way too many people have such strange ideas about what a woman in her 30s "should" be. Maybe they haven't been around enough people in their 30s, but we're as varied as people in their 20s are.

[maya-matlin]

I'm embarrassed to even admit this (and am thankful that you have anon on!) but I actually like Lucas Scott more than Dan Humphrey. Please don't think I'm disagreeing with anything you wrote in that Jess vs Dan vs Lucas vs Jughead analysis, because it really was brilliant and totally on target. But Dan kind of desperately wanting to be accepted by the snotty high society Upper East Side crowd even while judging and mocking them (and apparently secretly stalking and humiliating them all as gossip girl lol) just bothers me and for me isn't at all something Lucas - or Jess or Jughead- would care about. Lucas is a lot of not great things, but he's truly not into status, pretentious or desperate for acceptance. And as you've pointed out, Lucas is actually a decent and generally honest human being outside of his romantic relationships---I just can't ever see him playing a secret 'gossip girl' type role in OTH or even caring enough about gossip to constantly read and write about it. Even if we pretend Dan wasn't Gossip Girl, which he shouldn't have been for several reasons, he's got more of a Julian thing of caring more about status and popularity than Lucas, Jess or Jughead imo. I still like Dan and think he's a great match for Blair---I just also think he's a little more deceitful, hypocritical and into status than Lucas, Jess or Jughead...but then again he's a character on Gossip Girl, where pretty much everyone is fairly terrible in that way :) As for Lucas---yeah, he's indecisive and lies to himself and therefore others about his romantic feelings, and the center point in any love triangle always justifiably grates on everyone's nerves lol. And like the other three guys mentioned here, he can definitely be judgy and self-righteous. But there's a lot I like about Lucas too---he's smart and cerebral, he's brave and protective, he's very insightful (except when it comes to himself lol) and I really do think he cares about people deeply. But I get that that doesn't excuse his flaws :) Thanks for reading this - I have no idea how or why it's so long!

Aw, you don't have to be embarrassed! I respect your privacy, though. It's funny I gave the impression I don't like Lucas. The truth is, I like him a lot and spend most of the show actively enjoying his character. Seasons 1 and 5 were pretty terrible (though season 1 at least gave him a solid foundation compared to season 5's constant fuckboy behavior). I bash Lucas because I genuinely care and get so frustrated because I know he's capable of being better than he ends up being. His whole arc went to shit because of multiple love triangles and the bizarre idea that he needed to be "in denial" over his feelings for Peyton, multiple times, rather than just owning up to the fact he had complicated feelings for multiple women at the same time. And unfortunately, this behavior manifested itself in multiple instances of cheating because the dude was desperate for love and needed validation when it came to his love life. Anyways. Needless to say, I also prefer Lucas to Dan simply because I'm way more invested in One Tree Hill than Gossip Girl.

I appreciate the compliments. 💙 It really wasn't anything. Just random thoughts I threw together LOL. Your critique of Dan is fair. The thing about Gossip Girl is that the morality is upside down. Everyone screws over everyone and it's generally accepted that the wealthy elite can do no wrong. Dan doesn't quite fit into this crowd yet benefits from much of the privilege due to attending the same private school and later becoming Lily's stepson and eventually, Serena's husband. So he ends up being an honorary member of the core group, though he grew up in a very different environment, meaning it's much easier for Dan to be judgmental of the other characters. I think I just ignore the "Dan is Gossip Girl" reveal? There's no real way to make sense of it or to claim everything adds up based on what we saw on screen throughout seasons 1-5. It was a mistake for any character we saw on a regular basis to be revealed as Gossip Girl. But if I'm forced to acknowledge the reveal, you're correct that none of the other three would ever in a million years do such a thing. This implies there was a part of Dan that was so desperate to belong and to fit into the upper east side that he schemed, manipulated, stalked, gaslit and essentially pretended to be a different person to keep up the ruse. It's very dumb, as is the idea that everything was actually a secret love letter to Serena, someone he'd stopped seriously loving years before. To be fair though, I still haven't seen the final season of Gossip Girl. Your point about Dan being a Julian type is probably accurate. The thing about comparing those four characters is that it doesn't 100% add up. They're similar archetypes, but don't necessarily play the same roles on their respective shows. Dan was never presented nearly as heroically as Lucas was. By the time season 2 premiered, it was pretty clear the morality of the show had shifted with Chuck Bass becoming the male lead. The focus shifted to awful, privileged people doing underhanded things while looking beautiful (and Ed Westwick was there too) rather than viewing these characters through the eyes of the less privileged Humphreys. I mean, it was always a stretch due to Rufus being a rockstar, but in Gossip Girl world Dan is the poor one.

I have nothing to add to your thoughts about Lucas's strengths, but I 100% agree. Lucas has a lot going for him and is truly good at heart. He just doesn't need to be in a relationship until he gets some therapy. Unfortunately, he masked his problems by rushing down the aisle and starting a family. At this point, I have to assume he and Peyton are divorced, but that's just my wishful thinking.

[f0point5]

a few thoughts on bridgerton:

it feels like every season they deviate even more from the plot of the books which like granted the books aren't fine literature but at least they are coherent and have character development ??????

also i think luke newton is SO attractive genuinely the most attractive out of all the Bridgerton leads but how do they manage to make him look SO UGLY in the series. it's actually criminal because irl he's so lovely looking but colin is NOT IT

also do NOT even get me started on the fact that racism magically didn't exist in the first season but then it was like oops no just kidding yes it does exist!! idk i feel like it's quite a complex topic and it was handled so WEIRDLY????? like picking and choosing when it applied and when it didn't

ALSO Penelope was lowkey such an asshole that I can't even root for her. like yes i support women's wrongs but tell me why she outed the fact that her cousin was pregnant AND that eloise could have potentially been compromised. imo she's such a prick and everyone's acting like colin had to "make it up" to her like i'm sorry what for ?? for saying he wouldn't court his friend? like i get that it's more complicated because of all of the feelings involved but also... how on earth is he the one that's supposed to be apologising

Yeah Luke Newton is a good looking guy idk why this series just can’t seem to get a handle on his look? Even over 4 episodes they keep changing his hair probably because they couldn’t find a style that worked.

Wait where was the racism?

I think they had a smart idea of how to get over the race issue but I think the problem was based it on the Queen Charlotte urban myth which means it hadn’t even been a full two generations of integration. For attitudes to really change as much as Bridgerton needs for the story to work you’re looking at a century of integrated society and even then you would still kind of have old attitudes lingering. I know they showed the lingering racism in queen Charlotte but then they’re so concerned with showing the main characters to be morally upstanding that they can’t even mention the race thing and it comes across as sort of disingenuous to me? But on the other hand it’s a light romance show so I’m happy to suspend my disbelief to watch it. I think it was a clever idea of how to achieve the multicultural cast that they wanted. Is it undercooked? Yeah but they can’t cook it without making a political/alternative history show.

I don’t get what Colin even did that was so wrong. He said, to a group of friends, that he is not interested in courting his little sister’s friend. Is this news to anyone? Look, I get in the context of Penelope’s standing in society it was a bit of a dig but honestly, it wasn’t that big of a dig. He didn’t give any derogatory reasoning. Not trying to be funny but they weren’t even best friends or anything I just think that whole remark is blown out of proportion. He didn’t see her as a prospect and that’s valid.

Penelope being LW and spending all her time just bitching about people is so icky to me. Imagine being so desperate for attention that you exploit the private lives of those around you for an audience. If someone did that in a crowd of people we would think they were an asshole, but because she does it to public acclaim it’s somehow acceptable? Sorry but no. It’s the same thing with Dan and Gossip Girl…he was a complete psychopath but oh he made a book out of it and people liked it so it’s fine. No it’s not fine. It’s not fine just because you’re moderately talented with how you do it.

I do enjoy the show and I was honestly ready to put my issues with Penelope aside but this season is not it for me

[findingselene]

random thoughts at 6 am on “vacation”

i really did think that I couldn’t sleep because of stevie waking up in the middle of night. and sure that could also contribute to my sleeplessness but here i am. on vacation and awake at 5-6 am.

let’s address a few things. it’s incredible how much things have changed in a year. I was reading my oldest post (after i finally decided it was time to do some journaling again) and wow… what a year,

I graduated. I moved states. i got a job. I moved in with ryan. stevie does not like living with ryan. a new chapter of my life is starting again.

new place. new friends. new coworkers. new environments. a lot has changed in a year,

but i really don’t know where to start. plus i no longer have my therapist so it’s all me right now, the issue is I kinda don’t know when “it” started. I can’t really pinpoint an exact moment that things changed/happened/… and maybe that’s the issue, i kinda don’t know how to properly define what’s going on,

so with all these changes happening to me, it left no room for me to process them. it all happened so fast that I just had to accept it, so let’s retroactively process them,

let’s start with the job, I’m obviously very happy and blessed to have gotten my job all by myself without the help of my advisor. but my lord, the struggle at the beginning was so annoying, everything was a mess, i couldn’t figure out the workflow. I didn’t even know what type of questions to ask because I was confused by everything. I vividly remember asking WC (coming back to this in a bit) about a project and they said “um… yeah I don’t know how to help you.” at the beginning, the days were long and boring because I was just starting. days start at 8. day ends at 5. walk stevie. make dinner. workout. sleep. waiting for the weekend. repeat.

i kept asking myself. is this it? is this how life is going to be forever? i will acknowledge that I did move in the middle of winter so I was mostly inside. with no friends.

it was hard to keep this frustration just at work, since I wasn’t happy (yet), I brought all this negativity into the home that Ryan and I were trying to build since we also moved in together. I was so snappy and would lose my patience so quickly with him. I would get upset at the smallest things. so many little arguments about dishes, time, cleaning. I had no patience at all. I swear I was turning into my dad.

but Ryan would keep trying. he would tell me to communicate better. he would remind me that he isn’t perfect and I needed to be more patience. he would spend more time with me since I was/am feeling lonely with no friends. at the end of the day, he is changing for me. because he loves me.

THAT is very important. but in truly old fashioned stubbornness, I started to question my relationship with him. is this it? are we too different? are our differences really deal breakers now? do I start changing for him or…? I cannot even write the alternative. or do we break up?

i think the feeling of questioning my 3-year relationship AND NO FRIENDS left me very vulnerable (but not an excuse). and this is where WC appears.

more work background. i work and interact with mostly men. I am one of the two women in senior engineering positions. I am the only woman of color. everybody is friendly and approachable, but they’re either older or cannot click with me for them to be put in the friend category,

because of this project, I had to work closely with WC. it was so easy to connect with them. we have similar academic backgrounds, share similar perspectives about work and we are in the same age group box. since I am one of the only people that work in a certain area and they previously worked in my team, they quickly became my go-to person for help and work gossip.

again I cannot pinpoint the moment but I remember I was in their office and just like I used to ask my advisor at the end of every meeting, I asked if there is anything else they needed from me. they quickly replied in a flirtatious way and I blushed a little.

just like that, - I can’t believe I’m admitting this - I was intrigued. I suddenly became aware of how I would say things. We would send the occasional funny or smiley teams message. Our chats were still very strictly about work with the occasional sprinkle of personal information. And yes I did omit telling them I was in a relationship.

but that’s all it was. an innocent work crush. confined from 8 to 5 and from Monday to Wednesday (since they work from home the rest of the week).

until Cleveland, TN.

since this project involved working with manufacturing people from a different location, my boss suggested I should tag along with the auditing team (Jordan and WC) so I could gain more perspective about my job. anyways, I was spending most of my time following them around, asking dumb questions and translating for them.

as a good coworker, I would invite them for lunch and dinner to build our coworking relationships. in one of those dinners, WC told me that Jordan wasn’t joining and since I didn’t have Jordan’s number, I didn’t press about it. we ended up at this diner with WC. we got drinks and food. I spilled my blue moon since I don’t know how to pour beer. I was so embarrassed in front of the waitress. so yeah… we talked about work, relationships, religion, science, hobbies. we were at that diner for almost 3 hours. at the end, I told them they finally had access to my pink phone and I had finally told them about Ryan. but we kinda clicked? plus they were super observant about me… they noticed how people wouldn’t look at me to address and almost caught me when I almost fell with those stupid safety shoes.

next day I found out that Jordan did want to come to dinner but WC never told him where, and I tried my best to not think too much about it.

after this trip, I realized I was entering a very dangerous zone. and I feel/felt so guilty. I ended up telling Ryan that i was crushing on WC and he got very upset. I wanted to be honest, but I think it brought his insecurities to the surface. after lots of reassurance that I still want to be with him, we were okay.

now the task was to kill this crush. which is turning harder than I thought. since I work closely with them, it’s been hard. especially after this week when shit kinda hit the fan. everybody was so upset. I was pissed. frustrated. helpless. and they were too.

they reassured me that I was doing a good job and “apologized” if they contributed to my merpy feeling. through text. but the conversation did not end there. they suggested I should help them with running. I suggested they should run with me after work. when they responded that it could be arranged, I felt giddy and guilty again. I left them on read because again, I am nearing that dangerous zone.

after that, I think they have been acting weird… they left me on read at work and when I asked if they were okay, they responded quickly and shortly, without wanting a follow up. and you know that empty feeling when your chest does when you feel disappointed. yeah I had that after these interactions.

and that’s why I can’t sleep, I can’t rest thinking that I’m hurting my partner and maybe leading someone on (?).

it sounds so easy to put people in a box. I have to build these boundaries for them where they can only exist. Only work talk.

No texting.

No more personal talk.

No check-ins.

No emojis.

More distance.

Boundaries only work if you actively put them in place. but I am also human. I can make mistakes. I can also hurt people too. I can also hurt myself in the process.

So yeah… no wonder I cannot sleep.

[viridwns]

Can I request a soulmate!AU with either a yandere Sebastian or yandere Claude,you can pick whoever you like better.

A young lady is nearing the age where her soulmate mark will activate and draw her and her soulmate towards each other,but the problem is that she has already found someone she loves,unrelated to her mark.

Unfortunately when her mark activates,she very quickly learns that she is supposed to be bonded to a demon,and he’s not too happy to see his mate in love with someone else.

I love your requests oml

Yan!Sebastian x F!reader

warnings: yandere themes, unhealthy relationship, murder, godcomplex, misogyny, noncon, kidnapping, abuse

run rabbit run

The soulmate had been a gift by the the goddess venus, to help the love sick fools find their loved one, but as time went one, people stopped searching for the one whom bears the same mark. It was quite common now to marry someone who supposedly isn't your soulmate.

You were one of them.

You had met him at a ball from some nobel your father had business with. It was love at first sight. You had grown tired of dancing with many different suitors, so you decided to get some punch. And there he stood, drinking some wine. The two of you hit it off pretty quick, talking and laughing as the night grew shorter. He already had his soulmate mark; a simple ring around his wrist. It looked like some kind of bracelet. He had told you about his soulmate and that they did not like each other at all. They fought ever time they were together. So in a mutual agreement, they decided to split from one another and go their own paths. You were more than happy to hear this. And so a few months later on a beautiful summer day, he asked you to marry him and you had said yes.

The two of you were happy, soulmates or not, the two of you were in love. It hadn't even come to mind that your mark would appear in a few hours, you were too busy making yourself ready for the earl Phantomhive's yearly ball, where business associates could catch up and where ladies could gossip their heart out. Your soon to be husband stood in front of the carriage; he was in total awe as he saw the beauty that he had to honor to call his fiance.

You didn't even care to look when a pitch black feather appeared over your collar bone, you had only looked at it when the women began cheering for you, the mark being awfully exposed due to your low cut dress, that exposed your chest and stopped just above your breasts; just a bit of cleavage showing.

This of course drew allot of attention to you, but when you had calmly explained that you had already found the man of your dreams and that you weren't looking for the person whom bears the same mark anymore, many eyes drifted away again. Said fiance had also noticed the ruckus and came to your rescue, saving you from the last lingering eyes. Except from one pair.

Sebastian had noticed the screaming nobles from the corner where he was standing, being bored from hearing his master rant to another male. His eyes wandered to the group out of pure curiosity, wanting to know what the sudden outbursts caused. As he scanned the group, his eyes wandered to the center of the attention. you. You weren't all that special, although you were not bad for the eye, he had to give you that. If it was any other women he would've looked away after a few seconds. He would've done the same with you, if it wasn't for the mark on your collar bones. For the first time in centuries, he was surprised, astonished even. Demons were gifted the same thing as the humans, but they never really indulged in it as it was quite rare for a demon to find a mate. He had gotten a mark centuries ago, spend some time searching, but quickly gave up and never really thought about it again. But seeing the familiar feather, it was like all his senses heightened. His demon side kicked in, he couldn't keep his eyes of you, he wanted to devour you. Feel your skin, smell you, bite you, anything he desired. An overwhelming feeling to protect you and keep you washed over him. Your [S/C] skin looked so soft, your pure [E/C] eyes luring him in. Your hair framing your face perfectly and your awkward laugh tucking the corners of his lips upwards.

You were the one.

He placed his gloved hand on his side, his own mark being placed just above his hip. It was burning slightly. But the euphoric feeling disappeared quickly when a man took your hand and led you away from the group of bustling ladies. An immense anger grew inside him as his first instinct was to rip the man's head off, but he kept himself calm, for the sake for this ball. But as hours went by and you were enjoying yourself with the man who didn't have the same mark as you, he grew more and more agitated. He watched you dance with him, convincing himself you were probably confused with the feelings you had from him, trying not to blame you for being with the man who wasn't your soulmate. But when you were the one that leaned in for a kiss, something snapped. The perfect opportunity to get you away from this busy room walked right in front of him. Mey-Rin was wobbling with a tray full of champagne filled glasses. He grinned as you walked closer to her and on the right moment he so casually put his lanky legs in front of Mey-Rin's foot and just like he had hoped, she fell over; the champagne flying everywhere, including on you. And like the gentleman he was, he offered you some dry clothes and a place to clean up. Which you gladly accepted. Your fiance of course needing to go with you, much to his annoyance, but it would make his plan shorter so he didn't protest.

You huffed as you were led inside a room by Phantomhive's head butler. Your fiance waiting patiently by the door as the butler gave you some spare dresses from lady Midford; earl Ciel's fiance.

"If there is anything else you need, just give me a call." He smiled at you as he bowed slightly, you smiled back and nodded. "I shall need your name first if you want me to call specifically for you." You laughed. His smile only grew wider to the point is unsettled you slightly. "But of course milady. My name is Sebastian." You nodded and gave a small curtsy before thanking him. He nodded and left the room, leaving you to clean yourself up. You walked over to the large mirror in the corner of the room, adorning the mark that appeared just moments ago. with a look of approval, you admired it. The mark was placed on a rather nasty spot, and it was quite big, but that didn't change the beauty it had. The feather was very detailed, it almost looked real. You traced the shape of it with the tip of your fingers, getting goosebumps as you did so. You didn't know if it was meant to feel like this, but the spot was quite hot and it was burning slightly. You stood there with a pained expression, only wearing your white under dress. A knock on the bedroom chamber ripped you from your thoughts. You frowned as a sigh left your lips.

"Who is it? My lord is it you?" No answer back. You squinted your eyes as you slowly waddled to the door. You placed your ear against the wood and listened closely, thinking it was some kind of prank from your fiance. No sound was heard. Your suspicion rose as you opened the door. Only for you fiance to fall in front of your feet. A gasp escaped your mouth as your chest rose and fell in a frantic manor. He wasn't moving. A pool of blood surrounded his chest area, your eyes grew wide as the only thing you could do was scream, but before you could even part your lips, your vision went black. The butler, Sebastian, catching you. His eyes glowing red.

Your eyes fluttered open, at least that was what you thought. The room you were in was pitch black. Memories from before flashed before your eyes and you shot up. immediate regret filled your veins as pain shot through your neck down to your back. Trying to ignore the sering pain, you used your hands to get a sense of your surroundings. You were sitting on something soft, a mattress clearly, you let your hands wander further and felt the edges of wood. You were on a bed of wood, that is something. That means you are probably in a bedroom, which means there must be curtains somewhere blocking the light from entering the room. So with careful movements you sat yourself on the edge of the bed, your feet dangling above the ground. You hopped off, a bit wobbly as your legs were still sleeping. Your cautiously felt your way around the room, bumping against the bedside table in process. After a few seconds of shuffling, you had found some soft fabric and you smiled, giving it a hard tuck. You squinted a bit as the full moon greeted you. It was still night, or had you slept an entire day? Before you could even question the situation further, the door creaked open. You spun around, another spurt of pain shooting through your body. You grabbed the edges of the windowsill as the male you had came to know as Sebastian stood in the doorway.

"Oh you're awake? Good, I thought might had knocked you in a coma with how fragile humans, especially the female race, can be." He smiled at you as he came in with a tray of, what seemed like, fruit. He put the tray on a small table in the corner as he started to light some candles. You glared at him from your spot at the window and looked over you shoulder. But his voice led your gaze back to him.

"I wouldn't even try that. We are somewhere deep in the woods. Even if you manage to escape me, you will never escape this forest." With in the blink of an eye he stood before you. You gulped as he leaned forward, his hands resting next to your; entrapping you between his arms. The two of you stared at each other as he inspected your face. Lifting his arm to trace your cheekbone. You flinched at his cold hand, noticing the large star engraved in it. His black nails were pitch black and fear started to grow in the pit of your stomach. "I- I wasn't trying to do anything." Your voice was barely above a whisper. He hummed as his eyes filled with amusement. He was so close, you could feel his eyes piercing into your soul as you tried to turn away from him. This only seemed to fuel his amusement as he slowly guided his hand to your collar bones. The flimsy underdress giving you barely any coverage. As he touched your mark, his cold hand made you shiver all over. "You know what this mark means?" He questioned you, still tracing the mark. You dared to look at him and nodded. Your throat feeling dry as you remembered what he had done to your fiance. "It's a soulmate mark." Was all you could croak out. He nodded. "Indeed, the soulmate mark shows you who you belong to. To whom or in this case to what, your soul is connected to." He finished as he backed away from you, his neat butler outfit gone and replaced with just some black trousers and a white button up. He lifted his blouse and pulled his pants down just a bit, to reveal the exact same feather you had on your collarbone. The black jumping out on his inhumanly pale skin. You choked on your spit. He was your soulmate. A psychotic murderer was your soulmate.

"This can't be..." You whsipered in disbelief, moving away from the window to create as much distance as possible between the two of you. "Oh but it is my sweet darling." He grinned as he stalked your cowered form, like a predator would stalk his prey before devouring them. "This mark means your mine, your soul is mine. So you would understand i was rather displeased when you were having such intimacy with another human." His tone of voice was too steady, too calm. You only backed away further, hitting the edge of the bed. The door was still wide open and there was plenty of distance between you and him. It only took on more step from him for you to bolt to the door, but just like moments before, he had you in mere seconds. You trashed in his grip as he pinned you to the ground, holding your fragile wrists easily in his large hand. Tears streamed across your cheeks as you called for help, but everything was hopeless. "I am not yours! You killed the man i loved! How on earth could i possibly be binded to a monster like you!" You screamed in his face. He only sat there on you, watching your struggling form. Only when you had given up on moving and tears stopped coming from your eyes was when he decided to speak again. "I am a monster yes, a monster who is far greater than you. You should be grateful. I will forever protect you and care for you if you follow my every command, but if you want to act like a spoiled brat..." He trailed off as his grip on your wirsts tightened. The blood flow being cut off and an uncomfortable pain tickling your nerves. You cried out as he moved even closer to you, his ice cold lips brushing yours. "...Well i suppose you are smart enough to know what will happen." You didn't dare to move as he connected his lips with yours. New tears formed in your eyes as his bruising grip on your wrists slowly loosened. He was rough, a little bit too rough. He bit and tuck at your bottom lip and you could feel the hot bitter liquid entering your mouth. His mouth was red with your blood as he slowly licked it off. His glowing red eyes were filled with lust as you lay there crying beneath him, wrists and lips bruising. "You taste delicious, darling." Was the only thing he said before diving in for a one sided kiss again.

He was making sure you knew whom you belonged too that night and the nights that followed. You beared his mark and you had to endure the consequences of having so.

[waiting4inspiration]

A Different Way I: The Vow

Summary: Ivar comes to Earl Gunnar to form an alliance; the use of the Earl's strong fleet in exchange for Ivar making one of Gunnar's many daughters his wife. While there, none of the girls that practically throw themself at him catch his eye. No, he wants the woman that is ready for any fight. He wants the woman that vows that she will die on a battlefield.

Warnings: strong language, mentions of arranged marriage (kind of), blood vows, blood, small angst, fluff, mentions of death during childbirth, please please please let me know what you think of this because I'm struggling with the next part and feedback always helps me out

Word Count: 2,426

A Different Way Masterlist II Vikings Masterlist

Earl Gunnar is known for having many daughters. It means that Ivar is prepared to see so many women in his hall when he arrives. Hvitserk is not as prepared. Ivar also knows that he has to choose one of these daughters to be his wife if he wants this alliance between Earl Gunnar, the two of them have spoken about this in private already.

Gunnar’s fleet has grown larger than Ivar and his army would make a great addition to The Heathen Army. If Ivar wants to carry on raiding England and defeating their growing army, compromises have to be made. He will have to take a wife. And he’s sure that out of Gunnar’s group of daughters, he will find a wife suitable for him.

All his daughters were told about his arrival, to dress in their best dresses, and make themselves look like wives in hopes for his proposal. But there’s something in the way they all whisper and giggle to each other that Ivar doesn’t find appealing. Sure, maybe there are a few beautiful faces that he can learn to love, but none of them catch his attention right away.

“King Ivar. It is an honor to have you in my hall,” Gunnar speaks, standing from his seat and stepping forward. Ivar pulls his gaze away from the group of girls and looks towards him. Hvitserk is preoccupied with the girls, smirking and making them blush and not focusing on the Earl. “These are my daughters. All 12 of them are eager to meet you,” he mentions, gesturing to his giggling group of daughters.

Ivar glances back at them and quickly counts them out of curiosity. He finds a fault. Counting again, he smirks and looks back to the Earl. “I count 11,” he states, the smile on Gunnar’s face falls and his eyes snap over to his daughters.

They all glance around to see who is missing, but their father already knows who. “Where is your oldest sister, girls?” he questions, his second oldest that is only a few years younger smirks at him and folds her hands in front of her.

“Where do you think she is, father?” the girl questions, raising her eyebrow as the rest of the girls behind her snicker, making Ivar even less interested in them and more interested in this missing daughter.

Gunnar grumbles something to himself before the doors of the hall open to allow someone in.

Ivar and Hvitserk turn around to see who it is, Gunnar only closing his eyes because he knows exactly who it is; his oldest daughter. You. And Ivar is taken away by your appearance.

You are not dressed in a fine-fitting dress, nor do you have braids keeping your hair out of your face. You look like you have just stepped off a battlefield, sweat-covered forehead and sword tightly held in your hand.

And when you see the assembly in front of you, your eyes grow wide.

You look right past Ivar and at your father who still has his back facing you. Your sisters all smirk at you, some of them whispering and making each other laugh. And when your father turns around, you know you’re in big trouble because the look of cold, pure anger on his face makes you bite your lower lip.

“You were training?” Gunnar questions, Ivar glancing between you and your father. You give a small nod and shift on your feet, breathing out a sigh because you know what’s about to happen next. And you’re prepared to fight back. Ivar can see it in the way you stand. “And have you forgotten that we are in the presence of a visitor?”

Your eyes flicker over to Ivar, and he takes in a deep breath at the sight of your eyes staring into his. You swallow hard at the sight of his brightly colored eyes, realizing that they live up to the stories you’ve heard of them.

You bow your head to him. “Forgive me, my King. But I wasn’t interested in being displayed like an object for sale,” you spit, your anger not directed at him, but to your father.

Ivar is taken aback by your tone, by the fire in your eyes as you turn your gaze back to your father, and by the way your upper lip sneers at him as you speak. And your voice. It’s powerful and fierce.

Gunnar takes a deep breath to compose himself in front of Ivar and Hvitserk. He holds out his hand. “Give me your sword,” he orders, the daughter’s behind him all oohing like they know what’s about to happen.

You glance down at the sword in your hands and grip it tightly, shaking your head as you look back to your father. “Mother gave me this sword-”

“Give me your sword! Now!” You flinch at his words and take a step forward.

Walking past Ivar, not even looking at him, he can hear your heavy breathing and notices how you desperately cling to your sword. Holding it out when you reach your father, he harshly takes it from you and holds it at his side. “You will get it back when you have learned some courtly manners,” he states, your mouth dropping as your hands roll into fists by your sides.

And you hear your sisters laughing at your misfortune. Turning on your heels, you storm away and mutter incoherent frustration under your breath. “I haven’t dismissed you, (Y/n)!”

“And I didn’t ask if I could leave!” you shout back, turning around to face your father again.

You’re fuming. Something about your rage intriguing Ivar even more and he takes a step forward at the vengeful flicker in your eyes. You don’t care that he is there. You don’t care if some of the people outside now crowd the door of the Hall to see what is going on. There is nothing that will stop your furry for your father.

Gunnar sneers at you and holds out his other hand. “And that will cost you your ax,” he barks, your hand shooting for the ax at your side that Ivar didn’t even see you carrying. “It is time you learn to act like a lady. Now, your ax,” he demands, Ivar’s head snapping to him.

Ivar’s about to dismiss this scene and tell Gunnar that none of this is necessary. But a harsh thud sounds from your side of the room and Ivar’s head snaps over to you. He finds your hand wrapped around your ax’s handle and the blade embedded in the wood of the pillar beside you.

Without another word, you turn back around and storm out of the room; there is nothing left for your father to take.

Gunnar turns his gaze to Ivar and sighs. “Perhaps we can discuss this later, King Ivar. I have to…talk to my daughter,” he says, not waiting for Ivar to reply before walking after you.

Hvitserk turns to Ivar and sees him staring in the direction you left. “She’s the one you want, huh?” he asks, a smirk growing on Ivar’s face as he recalls that fierce fire he saw in your eyes. “She’s going to be a handful, Ivar.”

“At least she won’t bore me to death then,” Ivar mentions, glancing over his shoulder to the group of gossiping girls.

Hvitserk chuckles at him. “You’ll have to win her affection first and I don’t think she will be as easy as her sisters,” he whispers, Ivar’s eyes return to where you walked out of as Hvitserk glances at your sisters.

He’s right. You don’t look like you’re as interested to be his wife as your sisters are. But that’s what will make it all the more fun for him. And if he manages to win you over, He will be a very happy man.

People know that when they see you storming down the hallways to stand aside unless they want to experience your wrath. Even though it’s clear you’re not carrying any weapons, they don’t want to know if you can strangle someone, which is very likely.

Once you get to your room, you slam the door shut behind you with a loud, frustrated groan and weave your fingers through your hair to tug on your roots. You pace the floor, trying to calm yourself down. But all you feel is rage. Picking up your knife when you walk past it, you grip the handle tightly as if your father’s going to take it from you as well. The chances are good if his idea to teach you courtly manner is by removing every weapon you own.

Hearing your door open, you jump around and glare at your father when he walks in. “What? What could you possibly want now?” As you snap at him, you slam your knife into the table beside you making it stick into the wood.

He gives you a stern look as he walks forward, silently telling you not to take that tone with him even though he knows that you won’t listen to him. “When are you going to realize that I only want the best for you?” he asks, reaching for your knife embedded in the table but your hand snatches it before he can even touch it. “You have to start taking responsibility. You can’t spend the rest of your life training or waiting for the battle to break out.”

“And I suppose you want me to settle down, marry some man and have his children?” you viciously ask, pointing your knife at him as you take a step away from him. “Is your preferred way for me to die the same way mother did?”

“Don’t-”

“Because I promise I will never allow that to happen. As a matter of fact-” You hold out your hand and slice through your palm, hissing through your teeth as blood starts to pool in your hand. “I vow that I will die on a battlefield and not because of some man’s child. I make this vow before the Gods. And before a King,” you say, adding the last part when you see Ivar walking into sight.

Gunnar turns his head over his shoulder to see who you’re looking at. Seeing Ivar, he takes a deep breath, his jaw tensing as he slowly turns back to face you. “This won’t change my mind,” he sneers to you, reaching for your knife and pulling it out of your hand.

You flinch, pull your cut hand close to your chest, and narrow your eyes at your father as he turns to walk away. When he passes Ivar, your eyes go to him for a moment before looking down at your hand and turning away from him. You expect him to walk after your father, but you can still see him out the corner of your eye. Still, that doesn’t stop you from looking for a piece of clothing you can rip up and use as a bandage around your hand.

“May I help you?” you snap, looking back at Ivar when you notice that he hasn’t moved yet.

He smirks, takes a small step forward, and runs his tongue over his lips and his eyes fall to your bloodied hand gripping the material tightly. “I thought I would come see if you’re okay. It seemed like quite a nasty fight you had-”

“What do you know?” you cut him off, sitting down on the edge of your bed and fumbling to wrap your hand up. “He’s been that way with me ever since my mother died which has been a long time because she died…” You stop, biting your tongue when you realize that you’re rambling off to someone you don’t know, someone you don’t want to know, all because you’re angry at your father. “Well, that’s none of your business.”

Ivar smiles at you as he steps forward. He definitely won’t get bored with you. Seeing you struggling with the makeshift bandage, he walks towards you and then sits down beside you, resting his crutch next to him. Then, he reaches over to take your hand. You pull it away from him and glare at him.

Tilting his head at you, he tries to take your hand again and this time you let him. “You must trust the Gods if you tried to make a blood promise,” he whispers, ripping the piece of material into a smaller, longer piece before gently taking your bloodied hand again.

“I didn’t make it because of the Gods,” you sternly say, your mean tone making Ivar chuckle and his eyes flicker up at you for a second before he looks back at your hand. “I did it in memory of my mother.”

He hums, slowly wiping away the blood before taking the piece he had ripped off and methodically wrapping it around your palm. “She was a shieldmaiden?” he asks, looking up at you again as he gently turns your hand around.

You stare at his hand, noting the feeling of his rough skin against yours. “She was the best in the city. Or that is what I thought when I was a child. She told me that she saw herself in me when I was born so she taught me how to fight. Even when she was pregnant with my sisters.” You laugh at the memory but then hiss when Ivar starts to tie the bandage. “It was the one thing I had with her that my sisters didn’t have.”

“And it feels like you’re honoring her memory by carrying on fighting?” His question makes you raise your head to him and he looks up at you in return. You open your mouth to speak, but you don’t. He already knows the answer to that questions and you know it.

When he’s done with your hand, you gently pull it away from him and shake your head. “If you’re planning on trying to woo me, King Ivar, I would advise against it. You’ll just be wasting your time.” With that, you stand up and walk away from him and out of your room.

Ivar watches you leave, a smile slowly creeping onto his face. He knows it’s going to be a challenge to win your affection but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it? In the end, if he manages to do this, it will be one hell of a story. It will be something the two of you can look back on and laugh at.

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[midnightsconspiracy]

Loved Up

Loved Up - @midnightsconspiracy

Summary: Al loves the fact he’s played matchmaker to yours and Hank’s relationship

Warnings: None

Word Count: 991

Requested: Yes!!

'I’m gonna need something super fluffy to recover from grief-stricken. Hank x reader, of course. ♥️ And here’s a prompt: “I think (she/he/they/I) rubbed off on you.” Thanks!'

A/N: I feel like the start could be a Hank x Alvin fic ;)

Masterlist

The two oldest members of intelligence had known each other for a long time. The friendship dated back to his first day on the job where he had been partnered with the man, instantly hitting it off, knowing at that moment they would have a lifelong friendship. Along the way he was introduced to Trudy as well, the duo turning into an unstoppable trio. His days were filled with action and adventure, the two of them taking down crook after crook, locking them up for a job well down. And their nights, well they were filled with drinking and laughing, the friendship so tight that they spend every second together. They were partners in crime essentially, although they were the ones fighting crime, everyone always commenting on the high success rates they attained. Things slightly differed when both men initially found love, and so instead spent their evening without each other. However, that changed nothing between them, only making the bond stronger when they did see one another at work. The nature of the police force meant they were bounced around a lot from unit to unit, district to district, but each new task saw them sticking together, the higher officers reluctant to separate them. They went through a lot together, marriage, the birth of their children, and death. When both Camille and Justin had died, Alvin was there, patiently waiting and helping his friend go through the struggles of losing a loved one. Likewise, Hank was there for him when Lexi had passed, allowing him to grieve accordingly, supporting him and Meredith however they needed. He had also been the first person Hank had recruited after he took over intelligence, knowing Olinsky would stay loyal and support no matter what.

One thing in particular that he advocated for was Hank's love life, encouraging his mate whenever there were any little advancements in it. That was especially true when it came to you. Being the newest member of the unit was always going to be hard, especially since they were such a group of tight-knit people. But Al being as paternal as he was, took you under his wing, showing you the in and outs of how the unit ran. And as your relationship with Hank progressed, so did the man's smugness, mainly from the fact he had played matchmaker in the first place.

It was weird in the beginning, dating your sergeant, something that was so frowned upon, not just by the unit's rules but also from the rest of the district. But Al had encouraged you despite all the hate, telling you that that you should do whatever felt right. You'd taken that advice to heart, allowing yourself to love Hank as if no one else mattered.

So that's what you had done, entered a fully-fledged relationship, neither of you regretting a thing. Eight months had flown by, in your own little bubble of love, spending whatever time you had together. You tried to keep the affection in private, but sometimes you just needed to be near him. So when most of the team were out on a lead, you wandered into his office, meeting him in the middle, before wrapping your arms around his neck. All you wanted was to feel his warmth and comforting voice to soothe your emotions.

"I'm soooo tired," you whined, burying your head into the crook of his neck, wanting the workday to just end.

"I know baby, only a couple more hours till you get off," he reassured squeezing your waist tightly.

"I missed you as well." His eye line had been everywhere but you that day, and you wanted him to finally see you and give any sort of attention.

"You missed me huh? But you can see me from your desk" Teasing you, he pinched your sides, watching you squirm and laugh at the action.

"It's not the same as being with you though," you pouted, looking up into his eyes.

"Sweetheart," he chuckled, knowing he was so whipped for you.

"I promise we'll do something after work, ok?" He asked, equally wanting to spend time together.

"Ok, I love you!" Pecking him on the lips, you skipped out of his office, not waiting to hear his response, knowing exactly what his answer would be.

One of Hank's C.I's had provided him with some vital information, leading him and Al to go out to find out more. Driving to the destination would take half an hour, allowing the men to catch up for the first time in a couple of weeks. Al had so much he wanted to say to his closest friend having spent the entire time watching your conversation from the safety of his desk. Matchmaker Al was coming out again, wanting to know every single detail of the relationship. You would think women love to gossip, but these too were way worst! He had set them up and he would see it through to the end, knowing they were endgame.

"So, how are things going with Y/N?" He questioned, despite already knowing the answer.

"Good, I'm head over heels Al, I really am," Hank replied a love up look in his eyes as he thought back about you.

"That's great to hear, but dude you are so whipped" Chuckling to himself, Al knew it was true, despite what his best friend said.

"Fuck off, im not like that, I just love her a lot," Hank would deny it to the end of the earth out loud, but inside he knew what his friend was saying was true. Not that it was a bad thing at all, especially in your mind.

"You've gone soft my friend, I think she's rubbed off on you." Pulling up to the house, Al had to have one last dig, before the men parted to put on their games faces.

"If you say so," Hank smirked, always having to have the last word.

----------

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[spacedikut]

Okay but Spencer getting kind of jealous whenever you go out with ur friends bc he only has work friends and part of him still only thinks the team is friends with him out of convenience but he doesn’t have any friends from school so you sign him up for like a local book club and he’s so so nervous to go but he comes back and he adores it🥰🥰 (he also later starts attending the knitting group which is pretty much just local grandmas doting all over him)

i have a book club fic in the works but GOD KNOWS when that’ll be posted but this idea....anon it’s so cute

the first time he goes, he makes you wait outside for five minutes just in case he steps inside, immediately regrets his decision and backs out. he scans the room and profiles because how can he not and spots some biscuits he likes and theyre serving expensive coffee and he decides you know what? one book club visit won’t hurt

he makes friends with an older woman called brenda. she’s lived quite the life (was she incarcerated once? yes.) but she likes the same books he likes and hates the writers he hates and when she walked up, jewelry jingling and twinkling a la penelope garcia and introduced herself by saying “i hate men but i’ll make an exception for you.” well... who in their right mind wouldn’t want to be best friends with brenda?

brenda knows everyone and everything about everyone and relays all the gossip to spencer, which he then relays to you. suddenly he gets giddy before every book club meeting because brenda chose the book this week! and she starts making him treats and gifts to bring home (when she finds out spencer has a significant other she gets SO excited and they spend the entire book club meeting secluded in the corner talking about you and all of spencer’s favourite things about you and his most cherished memories with you and basically. within the local book club there is Y/N fanclub consisting of the two most dedicated members: spencer reid and brenda.........spencer does not know her last name and he doesn’t need to know)

but its those treats that lead him to learning about the knitting club! brenda brings in some mittens for you because spencer mentioned the snowy trip you’re taking, and spencer asks her knitting questions? idk? how tf do people knit? and brenda is like honey... there’s a whole club. full of old women. if you think I have an interesting backstory...wait until you meet GALE

brenda drives him to gale’s house (where the knitting club is held. in her dead husband’s mansion) and presents him to the group of old women like he’s a TREASURE and they all dote on him so crazily that youre like....should i be jealous..... because he comes home with rosy cheeks from both the compliments they SHOWER him in and because they pinch his cheeks. every chance they get. any time he rambles they just coo and go “so smart!!!!!! youre so smart! how does one brain hold so much information!!!” while squishiing his face

but then one time you pick him up from the group and they see you in the car waiting and tell him to BRING YOU IN RIGHT THAT MOMENT they need to meet the love of their spencer’s life!!!!

the y/n fanclub extends and he’s the first people he tells when he wants to propose/to invite them to the wedding/if you get pregnant or if you adopt

[nxrthmizu]

love in bubble wraps.

fandom | haikyuu!!

pairing | kuroo tetsurou x reader

genre | fluff

w.c | 1.9k

author's note | based on a real life experience... :)

Love, you think, comes in many forms. Sometimes love is a warm, home-cooked meal that is now cooked at least once a week because you told your mother you liked it. Other times, love is laughing and crying alongside the friends you’ve known since pre-school because everyone passed their highschool finals with flying colours. Throughout our lives, we gradually come to meet the different forms of love, because it comes in all shapes, colours, and sizes.

First, we learn that love is a roof that you can always turn to when a storm blows in. Then, we learn that love is knowing that there are people who will drop everything to help you when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Lastly, we learn to interlock our fingers with the one we wish to walk to the end of time with.

Then again, love varies from person to person— Just like how the goddess of love, Aphrodite, looks different to every soul that sets its sights on her; Beauty truly lies in the eye of the beholder. For some, love comes in the form of a warm body to cuddle next to on a rainy day. For others, love comes in the form of a jewelled ring. For you, love comes in the form of a 6’2 man who still doesn’t know how to tame his bedhead.

Tetsurou is often too busy for his own good, always running around here and there to secure contracts, ensuring that Japan can make a name for itself during the Olympics. He books train tickets to opposite ends of Japan at least once a month, leaving before the sun rises and returning after it sets. The sun never dictates his work day, because while his coworkers work from nine to five, Tetsurou works until he finishes his tasks.

Okay, so your husband is a bit of a workaholic. And maybe not just a bit.

“L/N-san,” Your colleague asks one day out of sheer curiosity. A group of women are gathered around the snack station, sipping on cheap, machine-produced instant coffee as they gossip about their marital lives instead of working. “Now that I think about it… I’ve never met your husband, have I?”

“Ah,” You sweat-drop nervously at this. Wonderful— Your parents are already pressuring you about how Kuroo rarely visits with you— And now your coworkers, too? “He’s quite busy. He works very hard to make sure that we’ll be well-off in the future.” You respond, knowing that your reply is just a thinly-veiled way of saying ‘He’s rarely home,’.

“Oh, that’s awful,” Wherever you go, there’s always a middle-aged lady who has nothing better to do than to prey on the weak spots of your life, “It must feel lonely. You must feel so sad when you see my husband pick me up from work.” A smirk dances up her lips as she waits for you to walk into her trap, smiling as widely as a spider watching its incoming meal.

“Not really,” A practiced smile counters hers as you take a sip of your coffee. “I know Tetsurou loves me— There’s an unbreakable trust between us. He might not be home often, but I know that he’s working hard so that we can have a better tomorrow… And that’s sort of comforting, in a sense. Knowing that Tetsurou wishes for a future where we’re financially stable, where we can just spend a whole day doing nothing in each other’s presence…”

A chorus of ‘awws’ makes you blush. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the middle-aged coworker huff in failure. You mentally fist-pump the air at your victory.

“Anyway, I heard that you got engaged last weekend, Shiho-san,” Changing the topic quickly, you smile when the attention of all the ladies instantly redirects to the said woman, who blushes fiercely as they all coo at her ring. “Congratulations!”

“Oh my! He bought you such a beautiful ring… Ah, Shiho-san, you’re so lucky!”

“My husband also bought me a new bag last week,” The middle-aged woman chips in proudly, cocking her head towards her cubicle, where the leather handbag sits atop a tower of documents. “It’s very expensive.”

“That’s nice of him! It’s been forever since my husband bought me something.” Sighs another lady. Most of the group hums in agreement, sharing sympathetic looks with those that share the same fate.

“At the beginning, when we were still dating, Hayato used to buy me so many things, now…” The coworker that brings homemade cookies every New Years’ party says, looking dejected. “It’s like once we’re married, they don’t have to worry about making us happy anymore…”

“Ah, what about you, L/N-san? Does your husband buy you things often?”

You groan internally when the attention shifts to you once more. Honestly, you’re just there to listen and enjoy your coffee— Must you keep getting dragged into the conversation? “Well, personally I don’t really need my husband to buy me things to keep me happy, but… He does bring back trinkets whenever he travels.” You think about it for a while, then brighten when you remember the latest thing Tetsurou brought back for you.

“What is it?” Your change in expression isn’t missed by your coworkers, who preen with curiosity, excited to know what made you brighten up.

“Ah, it’s nothing… I promise, you’ll be disappointed if I tell you.” You chuckle.

“Come on!” “Be a good sport, L/N-san!” “We’re curious now, you can’t not tell us!”

“Oh, fine.” You sigh, “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

[ Three days ago, Saturday ]

You were on the couch, binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy with the Netflix subscription Tetsurou got for you to occupy yourself with while he was out of town. Your cat, Kazume (nicknamed after your husband’s best friend) lazed on your lap, yawning once in a while and swatting at the stray threads from your sweater.

Somewhere in between your fifteenth and seventeenth episode, the front door chirped with the sound of someone inserting a key into the lock. You perked up at the noise, Kazume yelping in protest as he almost slipped off.

“Oh, sorry Kazu.” You said quickly, a smile widening your lips as the front door opened.

“I’m ho—” Before your husband could finish his sentence, you were already at his side. Kazume meowed loudly from the couch, complaining about you abandoning him for another man. Tetsurou’s eyes softened, the edges of his hazel irises worn down by exhaustion. You took his laptop bag from him, as well as the folders he has in hand, balancing them like how you would balance your three grocery bags when Tetsurou wasn’t around to help. “I missed you too, but are you sure you can carry all of my files with one hand?”

“Yes!” You replied confidently, showcasing your balance as you wobbled through the living room with all of your husband’s stuff. Tetsurou’s laugh echoed through the apartment as he followed you, his reflexes coming into play as he dived for a falling file. “Oops.” You giggled, helping him up after he practically hurled himself at the floor.

Tetsurou shook his head, sighing fondly while he hugged you from the back, taking comfort in the familiar smell of your hair shampoo. “I missed you.” He mumbled.

“Me too.” You hummed, reaching back to stroke your hands through his still-untamed bedhead.

“Oh, before I forget,” Tetsurou leapt up suddenly, chucking his backpack onto the ground. “I brought back something for you!”

“I already have like, twenty-five keychains from Hyogo,” You reminded him, “Please tell me it’s not a…” Your voice trailed off when Tetsurou proudly whipped his gift from his backpack, hazel eyes shining for your reaction.

“... So?” Tetsurou grinned widely, like a five-year-old child holding up his drawing for his mother to critique.

“Oh my god, I love you.” You declared in your 80 sq ft kitchen, grabbing the gift from him. “I’ll clean up your stuff, go take a bath and we can have dinner while watching the…'' You pursed your lips as you try to recall the information that kept evading you like an annoying fly. “... 15th? 16th episode of Grey’s.”

“You started that without me? I said I wanted to watch that.” Tetsurou pouted petulantly like a child.

“I finished all the other stuff I wanted to watch,” You told him unapologetically. “And Kazume wanted to watch it too. Now hurry and take a bath or I’m starting without you.”

Twenty minutes later, you were cuddled up to your husband, who did not bother to comb his hair (“It’ll just be messy later anyway,” His reasoning was). Every few seconds, he would scoop some cold mash potato out of the giant bowl (The two of you were too impatient to heat it with the microwave) and feed you. All throughout the episode, there was the constant pop-pop-pop of you working your way through the giant piece of bubble wrap Tetsurou had brought home for you.

“You know, I was thinking,” You hummed as Tetsurou pressed ‘Next Episode’. “If It were any other woman, they might have slapped you for bringing just bubble wrap home after a whole week away.”

“Well, then I’m lucky that you aren’t ‘any other woman’, am I?” Your husband smiled, pressing a gentle kiss onto your lips before picking up the mash potato bowl again. “Are we just going to have mashed potatoes for dinner?”

“I bought spicy instant noodles yesterday, we can have that later if you want.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

[ Present, Tuesday ]

“That’s actually so sweet of him!” Your colleague coos as you finish your story. “Wish I had a husband like that…'' Even the middle-aged lady begrudgingly nods in agreement. For a moment, you feel a surge of pride— It was your husband they were talking about— Your sweet, hardworking, dork of a 6’2 bedhead.

“You wouldn’t be able to survive.” Another lady snorts. “That guy is away for weeks at a time.”

You hum. “Well, at least he calls back every night, regardless of how tired he is.” In the corner of your mind, you remember that he makes sure to call his grandmother every weekend, and that he sends his parents (and grandparents) money every month, that he visits your parents the first Sunday after he’s back from his trips— Not to mention that he always brings a gift of wellness products (The most recent one was a box of abalone).

The group of women swoon once more.

“Well, I guess we should get back to work,” You dispose of your paper cup in the trash, brushing your hands off. “See you ladies later.”

The moment you’re back at your desk, you take out your phone to text your husband, who is, no doubt, going to be very, very confused.

[ y/n ] 2.37pm

— we have a problem

[ tetsu <3 ] 2.39pm

— what’s wrong???

[ y/n ] 2.38pm

— i may have accidentally caused 20 women in my office to fall in love with you

[ tetsu <3 ] 2.38pm

— what ???

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

you know it's love when your dad comes home with this giant piece of bubble wrap and your mom literally squeals and snatches it to immediately start popping it on the couch while browsing facebook on her ipad

[doloresdraws]

‘When I look back on my life It's so hard to face you I never wanted to fight this fight I'm ashamed of the truth No, I don't want to hurt you, baby I don't want to hurt you, baby I didn't mean to hurt you, baby

God, I'm sorry’

When I look back on my life I never wanted this fight (I don't want to hurt you baby) If I could turn back time (I don't want to hurt you baby) I would make it alright (I don't want to hurt you baby)

I love you, I love you sunshine’

Unbelievable, but I painted something new and even managed to finish it in two sittings.

Finally a proper painting of my Sabbat Nosferatu character Fox for our upcoming Sabbat game set in San Francisco. Since his story didn’t start yet I can only share something about his background.

Fox came to San Francisco from a small town in Ohio to escape a brewing unhappiness and resentment towards his mother and responsibility of caring for his two younger sisters that in his eyes slowed him down. He was tired of having to act like an adult in his family and also having to endure the looks and gossips of his classmates, because everyone knew what his mother did for a living to be able to take care of her three kids.

He had these naive dreams that living in California will bring him more and better opportunities to make good money and to live the life he often saw on tv growing up. He really wanted to become something, to prove his mother that you can get money with honest, not self-degrading work. He really hoped that he will be able to earn enough money to ensure that his sisters will never end up in the same line of work as his mother.  Of course the reality was not quite how he imagined, he struggled to find work at first, having to even spend a few nights sleeping in the park, but with his determination and eagerness to do just almost any work he was able to find various construction work and other small odd jobs to sustain his basic human needs. A lot of his colleagues were of Mexican and Venezuelan origin and through daily socializing with them he actually picked up some Spanish. He was still looking for a better, stable job but even though he often had little money to go on, he was adamant to stay clear of any criminal work. After about 6 months he was able to secure a job as the sewage treatment plant worker, it wasn’t as glorious work as he dreamed of and the surroundings were often very unpleasant, but he hid his pride and put his best efforts to do his job well. He quickly became very good at it and was even promoted, with the extra money he was able to rent a small apartment.Although far from how he imagined it, his life for the next few years was quite good, he managed to find himself a girlfriend and was planning to get marry to her, the biggest problem was that Gloria was in the US illegally, so he had to figure out how to make it happen.

Unfortunately everything changed when Fox got into an accident during his work when a gas pipe exploded and a fire had started. He was one of the few people injured, but unfortunately for Fox, he was the one who got the most severe burns that covered about 40% of his body, unfortunately also his lower half of the face, neck and hands. After this accident his life spiraled quickly, his company had friends in higher places, so instead of paying for health bills of their workers, they actually scapegoated Fox and sued him and his group of workers for the accident. He had no money for a fancy lawyer, so he lost the case, together with his medical bills his debts started piling up. His personality changed, he was angry or didn't speak at all for days. Gloria tried to help him and tried to be by his side, but he hated the fact that he could see the pity on her face whenever she looked at him. So he really started being mean to her so she would leave him alone, right now he didn't want anyone around. One day it got out of hand and he pushed her out of the door and told her never to come back, that she should get back to her Taco country or something offensive like that. He also managed to shout some Spanish insults at her, his words really hurt her as she ran away with tears.After a few days he felt really bad for breaking the things between him and Gloria in such a horrible way. He knew deep down that he needed her and wanted her by his side, even if it hurt to see how she looked at him, he knew that she was worth it. She actually never showed him where she lived before, so obviously the only places to look for her were the areas where she used to work. He hated to go outside and interact with people as they would always look at him the same, with pity and disgust, but he wanted to try to make up with Gloria. Yet when he asked in the bar the manager said that Gloria didn’t come to work in a last few days. He then went to ask around in the market she used to help and one of the women there told him that two days ago there was a police investigation and that they took a lot of people without proper papers away and that Gloria was among them.

Once again Fox felt absolutely helpless, she was probably detained and ends up deported back to Mexico and there is nothing he can do about it. He had no money, he didn’t even know where exactly she was. That night he bought a few bottles of tequila, drank as much as he could before he felt sick and threw up, which fucking hurt as all of his scars weren't fully healed yet. He hated himself, it was his fault she ended up on the street and now she is gonna end up back in Mexico with her last memories of him will be him yelling all this horrible shit to her face. He was ashamed of himself.

After this his life got even worse, now he had no emotional support, no friends, no job, painful scars that made him look like a monster. He usually spent his days staring at the ceiling, he couldn't really drink much as it was just too nasty, so he just existed for a while. His debts forced him to find work, but he couldn't do physical jobs he was used to anymore, he managed to find some odd jobs, probably because people felt bad for him which he resented. He even worked in 7/11 store, but all of his jobs were just temporary, he couldn’t keep any of them for more than for a week. It was not that his employers were unhappy with him, but Fox couldn’t just stand all the stares and pity looks he got from his employers, coworkers and customers. It didn't take long and he couldn’t keep up with the rent and when he lost the apartment, he became homeless. He could of course get back to his mother, but he actually didn't even notify neither him or his sister about his accident, he didn't want to be a burden and also he had too much pride to ever getting back to that shitty small town. All he wanted was to hide from people, to be spared of their pitiful glances and their talk about how strong he was. He wasn’t strong, he was a shitty, pathetic person who abandoned his family, resented his own mother, he failed his sisters and he treated the person that he loved as a Punchbag for his spite and insecurities, and now she will probably end up in some kind of human trafficking ring, because of him.

I will talk about his Embrace in more detail in some future post, but basically he was a shovelhead who somehow managed to get a chance to prove himself to the Sabbat. Although he loves his pack( some more than others) he still isn’t quite convinced by the Sabbat’s ideology, his biggest difficulty being the ever-present unnecessary violence, he still tries to cling to the last bits of humanity inside of him and that often leads to dissatisfaction from the Bishop and thus reflecting badly on his pack. He is torn between trying to fit in and wanting to measure up to his fellow Cainites and to do what feels right in his heart…

I am honestly very excited to finally play a Nosferatu. ❤

Fox © me/doloresdraws lyrics  ©  Hurt by Meg Myers

[kagedaddy]

you hangout - haikyuu!

Warnings: none

boyfriend scenarios [3] [masterlist]

daichi sawamura

You and Daichi have been hanging out a few times now, after you had given him the apology bento he in return made you lunch as well.

Oh were you surprised, that man can cook.

Both the men and women’s volleyball club have been holding joint practice recently and your captain can’t help but tease you everytime you’re in Daichi’s team.

“Ehh, careful (last name)-chan you might knock out Daichi-san this time!”

“So mean captain!”you pout as pink colours your cheeks and it gets everyone teasing the both of you.

“Don’t worry (last name) you can hit me anytime.”Daichi laughs and the whole gymnasium stares at the male, “what?!”you had become even more flustered.

What did that even mean?

“Wait-t!! That sounded wrong,”realisation hits him and he too flushes a bright shade of red, he awkwardly rubs the back of his head before the coaches call all our attention.

Practice had finally ended and you couldn’t be happier, today was extra exhausting. Too much running and your hands hurt from blocking the ball, as soon as you were dismissed you were out the door.

“(last name)!”you turn your attention to the out of breath male,”Daichi-san?”the male stops infront of you, hands on his knees as he tries to regain his breath. “We were planning on heading out to a cafe, wanna join?”his eyes meet yours and you can’t help but admire them,”uh sure.”he lights up at your answer.

You both walk back to the group,”(last name), Daichi. Sorry we gotta cancel we’ve got some group work we have to finish, we’ll catch up.”Sugawara sadly says but a small smirk plays on his lips. “Are you okay with that?”Daichi turns to you in question,”yeah it’ll be alright,”you shrug and you both wave goodbye to your friends.

Both you and Daichi silently walk beside each other. The cafe comes in view and it does look really nice,”the cafe looks really cute,”you whisper out as you admire the farmhouse looking cafe.

“Yeah it is, seems like a date spot though”you turn to Daichi, surprised he heard you,”this was Sugawara’s suggestion,”he quickly says before opening the door for you.

You both stand at the cashier, you scan through the menu,”Hi, good evening! What would you both like to order?”the old woman asks you,”I’ll just have an Americano and?”Daichi turns to you.

“Oh, I’ll just have a matcha latte.”

Daichi quickly pays for both your drinks before you could even get your wallet,”Oi Daichi, let me pay,”you pout at the male but he just laughs at you while he pats your head.

The old lady behind the cash register stifles her laugh as she watches the two of you argue together.

“Such a cute couple.”

“Ehhhh?!”

sugawara koushi

You and Sugawara have been eating lunch together, you told the grey haired male that he didn’t need to eat with you all the time besides you had made friends in your classes.

“Nee (last name)-chan, let’s have lunch,”Sugawara calls out to you from the door of your classroom, you blush red as your classmates start to gossip about the two of you again.

“Sugawara-san, you don’t have to keep having lunch with me. Your friends might miss you,”you rub your head awkwardly as you meet him at the door. He thinks about what you said before a bright smile rests on his face.

“Then let’s eat with them (last name)-chan!”the grey haired male happily takes your wrist and drags you to the direction of the school courtyard, where the ace and the Captain of the volleyball club sat.

“Oh, Suga you’re joining us for lunch!”Daichi raises a brow in amusement as you catch his attention,”(last name)”both Daichi and Asahi waves at you as they wiggles their eyebrows at Sugawara in a teasing manner.

Once all of you had settled in the table, you pulled out your bento and the spare container holding all the extra food you made for Sugawara,“oh, that looks so good,”Asahi, the shy long haired male praises your food and you smile in thanks.

You offer your extra food to the three males who excitedly gobbled down on the food, moaning and smiling in satisfaction.

Sugawara bumps your shoulder to catch your attention,”hmm!” you tilt your head in question, he only pouts at you jutting out his bottom lip. You reach up and pinch his cheeks and they heat up from your contact.

“They’re taking my share.”he turns his head in embarrassment as he points to his two friends eating the food you made. You giggle at the full mouths of the ace and Captain, taking a piece of meat from your own bento and to his,”there you go Sugawara-san!”

“I can see why you ditch us at lunch!”

asahi azumane

Once again you have been asked to deliver the exam paper to your sensei’s office, you were rushing down the halls since you wanted to get home as quick as possible.

Just as you took a turn you noticed a slumped figure at the hallway, curious you approach the figure.

It’s Asahi-san!

You carefully approached him, he was crouched on the corner, trying to hide from onlookers.

“Asahi-san are you okay?”you crouched down to his level, carefully patting his back, he tenses up and his head whips to your direction.

His eyes were wide, he shakes his head before turning back to face the wall. “I’m not evil,”he whispers, you almost didn’t catch it.

“(last name) am I evil?”he turns to you again, eyes wide with panic. You had witnessed one of his episodes but this was worse,”I think you’re the nicest and gentlest person I know.”you reassure the male.

He runs his hand through his hair, you instruct him with the breathing technique to help him calm down. “Just ignore what other people are saying, you’re a nice guy Asahi-san!”you continue to cheer him up.

“It’s cause I look all scary,”he sighs, both of you now seated on the floor, he tells you what people see him as and you both laugh at their ridiculous rumours.

“You know what always makes me feel better? Ice Cream!”

The exam papers needed to be passed now long forgotten.

nishinoya yuu

You and Nishinoya have been spending quite some time together, you’d both walk to school together and have lunch together.

You don’t mind since he was such an energetic male, always jumping and running around, providing you good entertainment as you ate.

“(last name) (last name)!”Nishinoya calls out your name as you and your friend walk to the courtyard table you guys always ate at, your friend’s been teasing you about the blonde streaked male.

“I’ve got a new move to show off!”the male says excitedly, he’s jumping up and down as he waves to you and his bald friend just shakes his head. “Alright but let’s eat first!”you laugh at the male, you and your friend take a seat, you blush pink as your friend pushes you to sit next to Nishinoya.

The male is taken aback and also flushes pink, you all dig in your lunch with Nishinoya entertaining you. Telling you about his tangerine kouhai and the new moves he’s been trying out in practice.

“That doesn’t sound too cool, I’ll have to watch one of your games!”you say imagining what he was talking about,”nee Tanaka, right my new move is so cool?”you both turn to the seats across you.

You’re both surprised to see that it was empty, Tanaka and your friend had ditched you both. You had been too engrossed in your conversation that you hadn’t noticed them leaving.

“Oh! They left us!”you say, searching the courtyard for the balding and your blonde friend.

“I’ll just show you my move now!”

tanaka ryuunosuke

Everyday you were graced by the presence of the bald male from Karasuno, he had been getting coffee everyday and if the cafe was empty he’d sit at your booth while you did your homework.

Tonight was one of those nights.

“Hi Tanaka, the usual?”you asked the bald male, he nods his head as pink dusts his cheeks, you get right to his order and bring it over to the table you both claimed as your spot.

“How’s school and practice going?”you ask as you take the seat across him, his eyes watching you as you write down the answers to your homework. “It’s okay, school is boring and practicing is so exciting. We’re training really hard,”you laugh.

Spending time together you’ve come to realise he hates school work and is really passionate in playing volleyball, he talks about it nonstop. You feel as though you know how to play just from listening to him, you weren’t really big on sports.

“Oh, that’s good! I hope you guys win!”You look up at the male who looks at you funny,”don’t you want your school to win?”he tilts his head in confusion.

“Oh true! But I want you guys to win too,”you tell him happily, he blushes a bright pink as he rubs his neck awkwardly. “Thanks, I’ll do my best to win!”he pumps his fist in the air, a new fire of determination in his eyes.

“I’ll definitely watch you play!”

kageyama tobio

Kageyama and you were now on your third movie from the list your sensei had given. Kageyama’s practice had gone on longer than usual due to the upcoming tourney.

So you both were meeting up together late at night, since your parents were out of town you thought it would be a good idea for him to stay over and finish through this weeks project. You weren’t worried about Kageyama, he didn’t seem like ‘that’ kind of guy.

You doorbell chimes and you open the door to a newly showered Kageyama Tobio,”uh, hi!”you say awkwardly as you let him in your house,”what do you want to do first?”You ask as he removes his shoes and shrugs off his jacket.

“We can finish off the next movie,”we move to the living room where he takes a seat on your couch, you nod and set up your laptop to connect to the television.

My hands start to clam up, you’ve never had a boy sleepover, you wipe down your hands before joining him in the other end of the couch, you pull the blankets up to your chest.

You watch Kageyama from the corner of your eye and he seemed calm, the same blank face, was he not fazed about sleeping over a girls house. “Kageyama, are you cold?”without thinking you sling the blanket you had been using over his lap and since the blanket was small you had to move closer to him.

Your face heats up as your shoulder brushes against his, you both were seated close to each other.

“Thank you (last name).”he looks away as his cheek heat up, he hides behind his hair as he looks away.

You feel giggly at the sight and bump your shoulders with him.

“You’re kinda cute Kageyama-kun”

hinata shouyo

“Hinata, it’s okay. I don’t mind.”you try to reassure the tangerine haired male as smacks his head on the papers,”(last name)-san, nothings sticking to my brain,”he wails and a laugh bubbles out of you as you watch the slumped male.

“Am I just that dumb?”he turns to you, tears forming on his eyes, you shake your head as you pay his fluffy hair,”of course not, English is hard but we’re getting through it,”you try to lift the male’s spirit but it does nothing.

You think for a moment on how you can make English easier for Hinata to remember before an idea hits you and you quickly get up from your seat the male looking up at you in wonder.

“I got it Hinata, I know how we can make English easy and fun to learn!”you take his wrist and he flushes a dark red, a female has never done that to him, he allows himself to get dragged by you.

“Do you have a volleyball by any chance?”at the mention of the sport he lights up and is now jumping up and down,”yes yes, it’s in my bag,”he runs to his bag and pulls out the yellow and blue ball.

“Perfect!”

You explain your idea to Hinata, how you’ll toss to him only if he gets the answer right, you thought it would give him motivation to learn the words if you incorporated something that interested him.

“Good job, Hinata! You did better!”you cheered as he answered the last question correctly, you knew he jumped quite high but you were in shock to see it in person.

“Yuss, thank you (last name)-san!”

You were taken aback when he tackled you into a hug.

tsukishima kei

Tsukishima could not be anymore grumpy, since your dinner together he has been walking you to school every morning.

You were surprised to see the tall male in your kitchen the next morning sipping on some tea your mother had made. “Hi?”you greet but it came out as a question, he turns to you a scowl plastered on his face. “My mom told me to walk you to school,”he says, voice monotone as he pushes his glasses up his nose.

“Right, shall we leave then?”you pull your school bag tight on your shoulder, he makes a grunting noise before following you out the door.

He pulls his headphones over his ears and you do the same, you both walk in silence in the direction of the school. Out of the corner of your eye you see Tsukishima pull out his phone and change songs.

“You like Burnout Syndromes?”you grab onto his arm which takes the male by surprise, almost jumping up and down in excitement. Not a lot of people were interested in their music, so it was quietly exciting to find someone who listens to them.

“Oi let go of me ばか(baka).”he rips his arm from your grasp, straightening his uniform before shoving his phone into his pocket, you pout at him but left him be.

Since he’s in his mood again.

After walking in silence, he suddenly speaks. “You like them too?”you whip your head towards the tall male and he’s still facing forward. You both hush over the band and talk about other songs and genre that interest you both.

“Tsuki, is she your girlfriend?”Yamaguchi asks as you both reach the entrance of Karasuno, you flush in embarrassment as Tsuki sounds a “tch” to Yamaguchi.

“Shut up Yamaguchi!”

“ごめん(gomen) Tsuki!”

yamaguchi tadashi

“Yamaguchi-san!”you tap the green haired male’s shoulder, he turns to you and you can’t help but let a smile play on your lips.

“How can I help you, (last name)-san?”

“I got more than 75% on my exam!”you shoved the paper you had hidden behind your back into his hands, his eyes widen and laughs at your giddy form. “I’m so happy for you (last name)-san!”he cheers just as excited as you.

“Tch, so noisy!”Tsukishima comments from beside Yamaguchi,”Oi we all can’t be as smart as you, salt shaker.”you stick your tongue out at the tall male, earning an eye roll from him.

Yamaguchi laughs at the exchange before offering you to sit at their library table,”thank you Yama-san,”you take the seat beside him.

You pull out the book Yamaguchi had recommended to you, it was boring at first but once you’ve reached the middle part it was quite entertaining.

Yamaguchi’s eyes light up at the sight of the book, you both talk about the story and how great the character building was, the loud scraping draws both your attention.

Tsukishima leaves the table in annoyance.

“Both of you are so loud!”

//

happy happy birthday to our dear (daddy) daichi [31|12] and (jesus) asahi [01|01], heheh! anyways things have been good, i’ve been doing things to distract me from my ex. slow and steady healing 💕 i’m thinking of streaming on twitch, tell me what you think and what i should do. i wanna do it to distract myself. have a great new year you guys!

all the love xx

[justmypartner]

Make it Work: Chapter 10

Summary: When offered a permanent position with the FBI, Hailey agrees to take it under one condition: Jay comes too. As their personal lives and work lives begin to change, the two partners find it increasingly difficult to navigate their complex relationship and manage their feelings for one another.

Writer’s Note: The Finale!!! I’m so sad to wrap up this story. This story was the idea that inspired me to start this account and dive into the fandom world as a fic writer, so it’s very special to me. It has been so fun to develop, and I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s reactions and input after each chapter. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading this story and joining me for this journey😭❤️ ...& be on the look out for info about my next multi-chapter which will be out soon!

Tagging: @angelsjedi , @brookerz122493 , @cpdfan2014 , @the–carousel , @maya-asturias , @itsdesiree86 , @tvshowsaremyhappyplace , @stephanie708​

Read on AO3 or below

“So, the FBI and New York, huh?” Trudy questioned, settling into the barstool across from the younger detective and flashing her a curious look. The goodbye party at Molly’s was just finally dying down, and Trudy took advantage of the quiet moment to question her for the first time since finding out she was leaving.

“Yep,” Hailey responded, a sheepish look on her face with the response.

“When did you and Halstead finally… you know, get together or whatever?” Trudy asked, sending a heat directly to Hailey’s cheeks.

“What? No, I mean, no… It’s not like that,” Hailey stammered out, embarrassed by the question.

“Uh huh. Right, because anyone would just give the FBI an ultimatum when offered an elite position, all just to keep their ‘partner’,” the sergeant said sarcastically.

“It’s not like- I mean he’s a great partner. The best one I’ve had in all my time with the CPD. I’m better with him as my partner,” she shrugged before continuing. “When they offered me the job, it was an offer I couldn’t refuse, except there was a part of me that wanted to refuse it. The part of me that was missing him. Without even thinking I just told them I wasn’t going anywhere without him. It was like my mouth was moving before my brain could catch up,” Hailey confessed, immediately grimacing at the soppy words.

“Look, kid. I’ve worked with so many people over the years. I’ve had horrible partners, I’ve had some that left an imprint on me that I’ll never be able to shake, but I’ve only ever had one that I would give up this job for, only one that I would’ve even considered bargaining with the same way you did,” Trudy confessed, a perceptive look on her face. “That partner is my husband.”

Hailey shook her head, a half-frown, half-smile expressed across her face. Just as she was about to respond, Jay came walking up. She watched as he bantered back and forth with the sergeant, smiling, but zoning out as Trudy’s words sunk in with her. She hadn’t fully confronted what she felt for him. She knew she had feelings for him, she just kept them buried, knowing those kind of feelings could ruin the great thing they’d built over the years. But at the same time, she realized doing so could mean missing out on something even better. She snapped back into focus when he asked if she needed a ride. She refused, and he joked a little more with Trudy before saying his goodbye and walking on.

“He’s a good guy. I’ll kinda miss him,” Trudy admitted, turning around briefly after he walked away. Her head snapped back to Hailey quickly. “You tell anyone I said that and I’ll deny it,” she threatened, causing Hailey to let out a throaty laugh.

“Really though, from the outside looking in, what you two have seems to be more than just a partnership,” Trudy told her. Hailey blinked her eyes closed slowly, reluctantly giving in to the sergeant’s attempts to pry the feelings out of her.

“I’ve definitely let my mind wander. You know, he looks at me a certain way and I think what if we were more than partners? What if we took that leap? But I’ve never been good at relationships… I don’t want to ruin the thing we’ve built by trying to turn it into something more,” Hailey divulged, feeling a strange sense of release finally talking about those difficult feelings she had tried to hide for so long.

“I dated this guy once. He was a geologist,” Trudy said, causing Hailey’s eyes to widen and her brows to curve into a question. “Yeah, it didn’t last long. Anyway, he used to use the word watershed a lot. He really loved the double meaning of it. Obviously in geology it represented actual water or whatever, but he also used it to describe things that really impacted his life. Turning points. I never really understood it in that way until I met Randall. Before him, I had already given up on the idea of relationships, then he showed up out of nowhere and suddenly my entire outlook changed. He was my turning point… my watershed guy, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I guess what I’m trying to say is if you think Halstead could be your watershed guy, don’t wait too long to make your move Goldilocks. You’re only tempting fate the longer you push the idea away,” she finished, taking a sip of her drink as she observed Hailey’s reaction to her story.

“I’m going to miss you, Trudy,” Hailey said softly, raising her bottle to clink with her glass as the words resonated with her.

- - - -

The obnoxious beeping of Jay’s alarm woke him, and he groaned as he mustered up the energy to roll over and turn it off. It had been two weeks since the incident, since he confessed his feelings, Walker was suspended, and Hailey told him she needed time. Hailey took those two weeks off, telling Drake she needed to take time to heal, both physically and emotionally. It was time he happily granted after everything that happened.

Within days of Walker’s suspension, an official investigation had opened up concerning his misconduct. With that came several other female agents with stories to tell about the man. Stories very similar to Hailey’s. Nothing official had taken place yet, but things weren’t looking good for him, and the prosecutors all but promised that Hailey and those other women would finally get justice for what he did.

Fortunately, Drake and the rest of the Manhattan office backed each of the victims completely, sending out memos voicing their total and consistent support for anyone that ever needed to come forward with allegations of misconduct. Especially internal misconduct against other agents.

In this office, we protect the badge when necessary, but we also demonstrate accountability when that same badge is being abused. Victims should never be silenced, and victims should never be blamed, especially when they are members of this sacred institution.

This was the line that stuck out to Jay in all of the memos, and he was proud to represent a group of people that were willing to address the issue in such a way. It meant a lot to him that they had Hailey’s back in a way the CPD didn’t, and he hoped it brought her some sense of peace their former department never could.

In those two weeks she took off, Jay and Daisy were partnered up again considering both of their partners were off the job. The dynamics around the office were weird. They hadn’t filled the void left by Walker, and without Hailey there, Jay didn’t feel like himself. The gossip was lighter than he was expecting, something he was grateful for, but he and Daisy both caught lingering stares anytime they were in the office. It was already distracting to not be working with Hailey, and the stares certainly weren’t helping. He was just counting down the days until her return, but in a way it seemed as though the rest of the office was as well. Everyone wanted to gain back some sense of normalcy after everything that went down.

He didn’t see her in all of that time she was off, but they kept in contact through the occasional text. In those texts, they avoided talking about them. It was mostly just him catching her up on work or her catching him up on the Walker case, all very brief and to the point conversations. She told him she needed time, and that was exactly what he was giving her.

At that moment he laid there in bed, it was the weekend, and he was relieved to have it off. They had caught some rough cases throughout the week, and he needed one day that wasn’t filled with horrible people who did horrible things. He also needed something to keep his mind from missing Hailey. Pretty much every time he closed his eyes during those two weeks, he pictured her lips against his, her body tucked into his side, and her light breath against his chest. The memories of that day lingered like phantom touches, and he couldn’t get her off of his mind. He needed a distraction from it all, but he didn’t have any plans for the day. He could have easily stayed in bed longer, but he knew if he did that he would just end up spending the rest of the day there wallowing, wondering when Hailey would be ready to come back to him. So, he forced himself out of the bed and began his day.

Once he was up, showered, and fully caffeinated, he lingered by the window, catching the idea to tour the city as he watched the people walk about the street below. In all of the time they had been in the city, he still hadn’t taken an opportunity to get to know it. It was a clear, warm weather day, so he thought it would be a perfect time to meander the still unfamiliar city. He hoped the unfamiliarity would force his mind to think about something other than Hailey.

His tour started by taking the subway to Times Square. He always thought it was an overrated attraction, but standing in the middle of it all, looking up around him he realized why people find it so alluring. There was a surreal feeling he had standing there, a feeling he really couldn’t explain. Afterwards, he made his way to Rockefeller Center, Central Park, and around lunchtime he ate at some hole in the wall restaurant outside of Madison Square. The deeper into the city he got, the more charmed he was by it. Looking around while not also chasing a criminal or looking out for a threat changed his perspective in the best way possible. Nothing would ever replace the spot Chicago had in his heart, but he really was falling in love with New York. After lunch, he wandered around, people watching and taking in how unique every street seemed to be. With his career, he never really got the chance to travel, so being a pseudo-tourist for the day sort of mimicked that. It was an interesting experience for him.

It was nearing sunset, and he was scouting out the best spot to catch it. He was never a sit around and watch the sunset kind of guy, but he figured new city could mean new traditions. Just as he was scouring the internet for the best spot, a text came in from Hailey.

Can you meet me?

Along with the text came a pin of her current location. He was in Lower Manhattan, and the location was only a few blocks away on the Lower East Side by the river. His face lit up when he read it, and he felt like he couldn’t move his legs fast enough as he started in her direction. He made his way through crowded sidewalks, the usual noise of traffic and other city sounds around him falling silent to the pounding of his heart in his chest. Two weeks without her, he wasn’t even concerned with what she had to say, he was just ecstatic to finally see her. He made it to the edge of a park by the river, one that looked impalpably familiar. Then he saw the bridge and the orange tint in the sky, and it hit him. It was the spot from the picture she showed him on the plane to the city. He crossed the street and entered the park. His eyes scanned the area, circling the field briefly before spotting a familiar blonde sitting on a blanket under a tree.

Her back was to him, and he took in every detail he could from afar before she could notice. It took him a moment to realize it was her because she was wearing a dress. In the four years he had known her, he had only ever seen her wear a dress a few times and only on special occasions, but this one blew them all out of the water. It was a pale yellow sundress with a delicate flower pattern. Her legs were kicked out to the side under her, and the dress revealed the beautiful tan tone of her skin, the Greek in her that gave her that subtle olive glow. He noticed the way her golden waves fell effortlessly down her back and over her shoulders, and it amused him to see she had paired the dress with simple white sneakers. Such a Hailey Upton thing to do, balance out something as frilly as a yellow sundress with something so casual like a pair of sneakers. The color of the dress suited her so well, and she was quite literally glowing in the orange rays of the setting sun.

As he approached, he noticed a box of pizza and a bottle of wine settled beside her. Oh God is this a date? He thought to himself, becoming aware of the boring t-shirt and jeans he was wearing and the fact that he just spent the day working up a sweat as he walked around the city. He wished he could pop home, or even in a nearby store to at least change his shirt, but he was already there and there was no turning back.

“Hi,” he finally said when he got close, his voice just loud enough for her to hear. She quickly stood and spun around, beaming at him as she did so. She smiled for a long moment, silently taking in his presence with a radiance of joy spread across her face.

“God, I’ve missed you,” she finally said, breathing out the words with a solaced breath.

“Me too,” he said simply, taking in how stunning she was. The bruises that once lined her neck and chest were all healed up, and the spot on her lip that was once split was mended. It was like nothing ever happened. She looked perfect.

“Sorry I look like this. I just spent the day touring the city, but you…you look…” he began, but a dozen words fought to come out. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Perfect. Incredible. Of all of those words, his brain settled on a breathy “wow.” She laughed lightly, shyly looking to the ground as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“You look great… and thank you,” she said, sending him a toothy smile as he nervously chuckled back.

“So, uh what is all of this?” He asked, forcing himself to make real conversation before he embarrassed himself with further nervous babble. He noticed her finger tips lightly tapping in a mindless rhythm against her thigh, and he had to swallow away the grin that formed. He knew she was just as nervous as he was.

“Right, uh sit. I just wanted to do a dinner. A thank you for being there for me. I know you said I don’t have to thank you, but I do. Really, I do,” she said timidly as she dropped back down onto the blanket. He followed suit, settling on the ground with his knees pulled into his chest.

“I thought you hated New York pizza,” he chuckled, his eyes settling on the box before them.

“Oh I absolutely do, this is the one decent slice I have been able to find in this pizza hell of a city. It’s no Bartoli’s, but it’s edible,” she joked. He snickered at how worked up she got over pizza, and he grabbed the plate she was holding out to him.

“So, how’ve you been?” He asked, recognizing they had fully bypassed that initial level of small talk.

“Better… way better,” she admitted, and he knew by the look in her eyes she was telling the truth. It made him happy to hear, and even happier to see.

“I’m glad,” he told her with a grin. A warmth flushed through his body as she smiled proudly back at him.

“Yeah, I’ve actually been seeing a therapist. Dealing with what happened, and even dealing with stuff from Chicago that I never really dealt with,” she admitted. Years ago she changed his outlook on therapy, and he grew to learn just how beneficial it could be. He was surprised to learn therapy was a new thing for her, but it made him happy that she seemed so excited about it.

“That’s so good, really. If anyone knows how helpful that is, it’s me,” he said as he locked his eyes with hers.

“Yeah, I spent the last two weeks thinking about the thing with Walker, going over it with my therapist. I spent my sessions talking with her about everything, and I’d just go home and wonder what I could have done differently, why I missed the signs that his friendliness was more than just…”

“Hailey, none of what happened was your fault. You were nice to him, and he took advantage of that. End of story,” Jay interrupted, waving a hand in front of him to emphasize his words.

“No, no, I know that. I just kept thinking about what he said about me leading him on. While I know I definitely wasn’t doing that, I did start to question why I so easily looked past his comments and his flirting. I mean, I would have shut that down immediately in any other situation with any other guy. Like, I knew it was happening, yet I let the comments go and still agreed to keep seeing him after work. I kept thinking about that, kept talking it over with my shrink, and I eventually realized what it was,” she said, her focus fixed on the sky behind Jay’s head as she spoke, and he noticed her fingers restlessly playing with the hem of her dress.

Jay wrapped his arms tightly around his knees, locking his fingers around his wrists, anxiously waiting for her to finish her thought.

“Every time I went out with him, it was an excuse to get away from you… a distraction because I couldn’t stop thinking about how I felt about you,” she confessed.

Jay let out a shaky breath. He had figured she had feelings for him, imagined what she was thinking when only her eyes were communicating what words weren’t, but the verbal confession still took him by surprise. He looked at her, stupefied and relieved by the admission, and there was a long pause. She took a breath and finally continued as her eyes seem to roam the sky for her words.

“Before I left Chicago, Trudy said something to me that I just couldn’t stop thinking about. But, we were going through this big change, new city, new job, it all just didn’t seem like the right time, and I wasn’t even sure if you felt the same way. But then we’d have these little stolen moments, these blips of time where it felt like we were going to make that jump, and something would get in the way,” she said. Jay almost let out a chuckle at how familiar her words sounded. It was like she had snuck into his brain and was reading off a script of his own thoughts.

“When I was out with Walker, I was passing the time with him to forget about you. Yet, every single time, you were all I could think about… Trudy said the longer I pushed the thought of us away, the more I was tempting fate. Well, I’m done tempting fate. I’m done letting people and time and situations stand in the way of us because Jay, you’re my watershed guy,” she rambled, her words rolling together the quicker she spoke. She took a series of deep breaths after the long monologue, clearly fighting back tears as Jay tried to process everything she was saying and everything it carried.

“Watershed guy? I don’t think I’m follow-“ he questioned before she cut him off. She snickered lightly before continuing, shaking her head amusedly as she tried to find the words to continue.

“Right, you don’t get that… uh there’s a story behind that, but what I’m trying to say is my life hasn’t been the same since I’ve met you. You’re always there. When I expect it and even when I don’t. In more ways than one, you have made me a better person, a better detective, and now a better agent. We came into each other’s lives and for me it was like everything changed. I’ve never had a partner like you. I’ve never had a friend like you, and at some point I realized I can’t even picture what my life would look like without you. I don’t want to. You… you are my turning point,” she said, inhaling sharply.

“Jay, I’m in love with you. I love you so much more than I thought I could ever love anyone, and I’ve been pushing it down for so long but I can’t anymore. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you said those words to me. I know I made you wait for me, and I would understand if-“ with that, Jay leaned forward, kissing her with the desperation and fervor that had been building up in him over the past two weeks. The past four years if he was being honest. She relaxed into the kiss, bringing her hand to the back of his head, brushing her fingers through his short hair as she pulled him closer into her. They sat there in the middle of the park together, lost in each other, and completely oblivious to the world around them as they unleashed almost four years of pent of feelings. When they finally pulled away for air, they giggled against one another’s mouths, coming down from the reality of the euphoric moment. Hailey leaned forward into him, placing a brief kiss against his lips before pulling away again, staring into his eyes and rubbing a thumb over his mouth lightly.

“So, does that mean we’re on the same page?” she asked with a smirk.

“That means, I’m in love with you too,” he said back, tangling his hand into her hair and bringing her back to him for another kiss. She smiled widely, before settling back onto folded legs.

They ate dinner together under the setting sun, watching as the sky changed from day to night. They talked and laughed for hours until they realized they were the only two left in the dimly lit park. Upon the realization, they gathered everything from the ground and made their way out of the park, their hands intertwined together and their faces sharing the same twinkled smile.

“So, what now?” He asked as she swung their joined hands together between them. They walked slowly, savoring every second as they maneuvered half-empty sidewalks.

“Now, we go back to my place… if you’re willing to share a bed with me again,” she said in a confident whisper, pulling on his arm slightly so that she could raise up and say it into his ear.

The corners of his mouth curled up in return, and he bobbed his head dramatically in endorsement.

“You had me at go back to my place,” he said firmly, smiling as she giggled next to him. He leaned down, pressing a kiss against her temple, and they continued to make their way back to her place, at a slightly quicker pace than before.

- - - -

“I know I said this before, but you make a great pillow… among other things,” she innuendoed, raising her brows and kissing the grin from his mouth. They were wrapped up in her bed, unable to keep their hands off one another from the moment they made it back to her apartment. It was late into the night, and they remained tangled together, their hands mindlessly traveling each other’s bodies as they basked in the afterglow.

“You make a pretty damn good weighted blanket… among other things,” he teased back, causing them both to giggle. Once the light laughter had subsided, he broke the silence with a question, a heavier question than he intended.

“So what does this mean for our partnership?” he asked her, his fingers still dragging lightly across her bare shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean what if the FBI doesn’t let us stay partnered together,” he whispered, slight concern in his voice. There was a silence as she thought it over, and her fingers that traced circles against his chest suddenly stopped. She sat up, resting against his chest the same way she did weeks ago as her eyes peered intently into his.

“I think we’re great together. As partners, and as I’m sure time will tell, as more. This doesn’t need to blend with the work stuff. I know us, and I know we can keep things separate. If they have a problem with that, they can take it up with me. I’ve given the FBI an ultimatum for you before, I will gladly do it again,” she replied, a sneaky grin expressed across her face. He shook his head with a smile in response, bringing a hand down to push a strand of hair out of her face.

“I love you,” he said in a soft whisper. She brought her face close to his, merely inches away.

“And I love you,” she whispered back before connecting their lips.

“Whatever happens, we’ll be fine,” she reassured him upon pulling away.

From detectives to agents, partners to friends, friends to lovers, they’d endured a lot of change in the past few years. They were bound to face even more change ahead, but one thing Jay knew for sure, it was only the beginning of an entire lifetime of change they’d endure together.

“Yeah, we’ll make it work,” he nodded, and she smiled widely before crashing her lips back into his.