#also i didn't realise until after i wrote it that this was how interview with the vampire ends. nvm

[lazylittledragon]

Hello I love your bg3 content and your Dorian is so lovely! Can we get like an alternative reality with Dorian and Ascended Astarion? What would your headcannon be for them? 🙇

something like this, probably

[filmmakerdreamst]

Lyra and Will is the best YA romance I've ever read. Not joking when I say I felt hollow for months when I read the part where they had to be separated at the end of 'The Amber Spyglass'.

Amir and Dafne did a fantastic job. I loved how they gave them more soft moments without cheapening their bond. Throughout the books, their relationship is incredibly delicate and subtly written (they're young after all) and they could have easily made it more obvious and over exaggerated for a Mainstream Audience. You'd think that wouldn't be possible but thats what Moira Walley Beckett did with Anne and Gilbert in 'Anne with an E' (that relationship basically consisted of staring at each other from a distance in that show rather than having a consistent build up)

I read an interview of Amir saying that he and Dafne never really looked at it as a romantic thing. It was more important that Will and Lyra were two friends that get along, and something might happen if it does happen. "When playing the scenes, it was never in the back of my mind" which is the way it should be approached with Lyra and Will because their relationship was not "framed as romantic" by Philip Pullman, it came naturally.

Edit: I wrote this analysis ^^ before my re-read and after re-reading the books I realised that was a bad approach to Lyra and Will's relationship. Even from the start, Lyra and Will's interactions are charged in the books and playing platonic until the finale at the end, is kind of a weird decision.

I personally always saw it as a deep bond between two teenagers, that became physical during the end because of everything they went through. It went beyond the typical romantic duality.

However, If I had to choose which version of their relationship I prefer (the book or the TV Show) I would have to choose the book. Because I felt during the last third, in the finale, that their relationship was a bit compacted like kiss -- you have to choose worlds -- separation. In the book, that part is so dragged out and emotional. Lyra and Will spend ages trying to find loopholes, find that there are none, then both of them get angry and upset. And it’s described that the angel felt their 'sorrows in the air'. In the tv show, I didn't really feel all that because everything was so 'get to the point' - when this is supposed to be a drawn out climax.

Unlike some others, I simultaneously believe that Lyra and Will are each others other half/soulmates. They are the only people in 'His Dark Materials' that can touch each others daemons without it being a violation and they will never love anyone else the way they loved each other. That's basically confirmed in 'The Secret of Commonwealth' (the spin off to 'His Dark Materials) where Lyra states that she still thinks of him every hour and that he’s the centre of her life.

And that their separation made sense.

Even though it was the most heartbreaking thing I ever read and left me hollow inside - its not realistic for them to have a solid relationship at 14 or how ever young they were at that point, especially on top of all their trauma. Also, it’s suggested in the books that everything must go back to the way that it was (closing all the windows) almost saying to the reader, you can't live in a fantasy world forever, you have to go back to the real world and live a full life. It’s like at the end of 'The Lord of the Rings' where Frodo destroys the ring, yet still dies at the end because of everything he went through.

It’s not fair. It’s not right. But thats just how life goes sometimes. Plus it made their ending a lot more memorable and iconic. I've actually gone to their real bench in Oxford and cried.

Although saying that, Philip Pullman has to let them see each other again when they're adults, in the last 'Book of Dust' - at least one last time come on now. But I have a feeling he won't reunite them until they die because he’s a cruel, cruel man.

[f4iry-bell]

jameson hawthorne x f!reader [ enemies to lovers ] | part 3

2.3k words. two halfs, first half is inspired by 'you jump, i jump, jack' ep from gilmore girls. mention of a gilmore girls character of two. sorry if it's too long.

if you never watched gilmore girls watch this for a better view on this part (go watch gilmore girls)

Jameson did not know if she was avoiding him after the kiss because they don't talk or hang around unless they're taunting each other. He did not see her anywhere in the campus, since he dropped out of journalism class it was impossible for them to see each other unless one of them sort the other out. Jameson didn't realise exactly how attracted he was to her until the kiss. He was not the one to get desperate for someone, but there was something about her kiss and it's energy, her energy. He loved it. But it doesn't matter, she probably regrets it now. After all, they've been at each other's neck ever since they met. There is no reason behind the kiss.

_

A week and so has passed since their kiss, Jameson almost forgot about it. He was wearing a black tuxedo while holding a glass of champagne in the open field for another event that the secret society is hosting, one which he is very interested in. He was looking forward to this event ever since they started discussing it but he was kind of distracted about it because of a certain someone. And never he would have thought that he would see her at an event that is hosted by the Yale secret society. His eyes were fixated on her. He couldn't take look away.

She was wearing a light blue ball gown with a darker blue scarf hanging from her neck. Her hair was loose and she looked devastatingly beautiful while talking to Logan Huntzberger with a small notebook in her left hand and pen in her right hand. 

Why is she here? And why is she talking to Logan Huntzberger? Standing so close? She's listening to every word he says. And taking them down, is she interviewing him? He needed answers because the sight of her having an interesting conversation with Logan wasn't pleasing for Jameson. So, he approached them. 

“Hey, Jameson.” Logan greeted. Once she saw him she kept her head down, he wondered what her first thought was when she saw Jameson after so long.

“Logan.” He gave him a smile and eyed her, Logan took that as a question which it is and answered.

“She's not a member, she's just here to collect information for her article. And don't worry, she won't reveal anyone's identity. Just a description about the place and event, right?” He turned to her with a smile.

“Yep.” She said.

There was an obvious tension between Jameson and her and Logan was not dumb enough to not notice it. 

“You two know each other?” He asked but before he could answer he spoke. “Good, because I really have to help Colin out for the event, why don't you show our guest around? Thank you, man.” He patted Jameson’s shoulders and left.

She sighed and turned to Jameson giving him a very neutral look, making it hard for him to guess what she was thinking. He wanted her to think about the kiss, he hoped that she thought about it.

“You've been avoiding me.” He said, didn't know how else to start a conversation with her.

“I wasn't.” She added. “We're not friends, I simply don't have a reason to be near you.” She shrugged.

“Right” He nodded, tucking his hands inside his pant pockets. “And what are you doing here?”

“Logan already told you, didn't he?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I know, but I also know that you already wrote an article about the secret society. I did too, a better one. So, why are you writing about it again?” He asked.

She rolled her eyes. “Doyle wanted me to write about it again. It got readers attention apparently.” She explained. “Look, I'm not here for silly small talk. You either show me around or I'll just find Logan” 

Jameson smiled. “I was about to suggest that I take you around actually” He said and then offered his arms for her to join hers. But she didn't take it as expected.

_

Jameson did show her all the weird stuff that was around and finally led her to the place where the tall tower was. She looked up and saw that there were four people standing seven stories high holding an umbrella and being tied to some sort of strong flexible rope. 

“Are they trying to look at us from a different perspective?” She asked, squinting her eyes while looking up.

“Maybe. But that's not why they're there.” He said.

“What are they going to do? Jump?” She chuckled as a joke.

Jameson shrugged with an amused look.

“Wait, they're not going to jump. It's too high, they might die or at least break a lot of bones” She rushed her words.

“Everybody is going to die one day and break at least one bone in their lifetime.” He smirked.

“But those four are going to die today!” She widened her eyes.

“Six” He corrected her.

“Six?” She asked, frowning. 

He nodded.

“No way, you're jumping too?” She asked.

“Worried about me?” He smirked. “And you too.” He informed her.

“What?”

“You're jumping with us.” He cleared it for her.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? It'll be a once in a lifetime experience. And don't worry you won't die. There are a lot of safety measures in this. You'll be tied to the rope which will help you land carefully. Without breaking a bone.” He assured her. He can see the dilemma in her eyes.

“I don't know.” She shrugged.

“Come on, it'll be such a thrill. Just imagine the adrenaline. It's your choice, Ace. I would love to try and convince you but we're going to jump in a few minutes.” He told her.

She thought for a moment and let out a sigh, a sigh that made Jameson smile because he can literally see her answer.

“Fine”

“After you.” He motioned his hand towards the ladder that went up seven stories high. They both climbed up and stood a foot away from the edge. She looked down and saw how high they were.

“We're so, so, high.” She stated.

“I've been higher.” He told her as he grabbed two umbrellas from the guy who tied the rope on each one of them.

“I'm not surprised.” She said, when she was researching Jameson's crimes, she learnt a lot about him.

Jameson chuckled. “Ready?” He asked her as the crowd down there started counting from ten in descending order. 

She nodded and closed her eyes. Both of them subconsciously grabbed each other's hands and jumped at one.

The adrenaline rush was flowing through their bodies like electricity. They safely landed on the ground without breaking a bone. She had the brightest smile on her face after the landing. Jameson was wrong, he thought annoyance was his favourite expression of hers, he enjoyed making her mad just to see her reactions, but overjoyed out of excitement was her best expression, he stared at her joyous face with such awe. He snapped out of it when she spoke.

“Once in a lifetime moment.” She breathed out.

“Only if you wanted it to be.” He corrected her. They both were smiling and looking at each other's face that they forgot they were still holding hands, and too in the moment to realise how close they were. Their faces were ten inches apart from each other. It was better than the kiss for Jameson. But their moment was interrupted by Logan.

“I didn't know you were going to jump.” Logan chuckled. She let go of Jameson’s hand and stepped back from him.

“I didn't either.” She said.

“I bet Jameson made you, didn't he?” He asked.

“I just suggested she should try.” He shrugged. “It was her choice.”

“Anyways, I think it's time for me to leave. Can you drive me from the ‘secret’ location?” She asked Logan. It bothered Jameson that she didn't ask him. Even though it shouldn't have.

“Sorry, we have a celebration right after this.” Logan said.

“Oh. Okay, I'll just be in the tent then.” She said he nodded.

He brought her here and is not going to keep her company? Jameson thought.

“You should join us. After the legendary jump, you should join the celebration.” Jameson told her.

She sighed. “Maybe. But for now I'm going to go to the tent. As beautiful as this dress may look, its comfort rating isn't that beautiful.” She smiled and walked away.

“Interesting girl, isn't she?” Logan said, totally checking her out as she walked away.

Jameson was thinking about how they stood on top and she grabbed her hand. Or how he grabbed her hand and she let him. 

“She is.” 

_

Jameson searched six tents before finding the one she was in, she was wearing a normal plain red crop top and baggy pants. Something more comfortable. She was also writing something down before she jerked when Jameson suddenly opened the tent.

“You scared me!” She said.

“Did I, now?” He chuckled and took a seat in front of her.

“What do you want?” She asked.

“What makes you think I want something?” He asked with a smirk. “Deja vu” He added. 

“Well?” She waited for a proper answer.

“Nothing, really. Was just curious. What are you doing?” He asked.

“Rewriting my notes.”

“Rewriting?”

“More of organising them. So it'll be helpful when I write the article.” She explained.

He nodded. 

“Shouldn't you be at the celebration?” She asked.

“I was. And then saw Logan. I was expecting to see you there as well. But here you are rewriting your notes.” He said.

“Well I already told him I won't be there, you were there when I did.” 

“True. Are you two close?” He asked hoping for a particular answer.

“Not really, he's just helping me with the article. He's nice but has a habit of ditching me then and there.” She rolled her eyes.

“Sounds like him” He chuckled.

“You two friends?”

“We're not exactly buddies. He knows me, I know him. We're members of the secret society. That's all.” He explained.

“Oh.” And there was silence.

Jameson was the one to break it “I want to ask you something.”

“What?” 

“Why didn't you ask for my help with the article?” He asked.

She chuckled. “As if you would have helped me just like that.”

“True. But you could have asked. Since you already knew I was in the secret society. I assume it took you some time to clarify that Logan was in it.” His tone was nonchalant.

“It did take me some time. But it makes no sense.” 

“Maybe some things don't have to make sense.” He shrugged, still keeping the nonchalant tone.

“I don't get it.” 

“I mean, some things don't need a reasoning or it doesn't have to make any sense.” 

“Like what?” She chuckled.

He kept quiet for a moment, debating himself whether or not he should say it. “The kiss.” He said.

She shifts. “I thought we agreed not to talk about the kiss.” 

“No, we never did.” He frowned.

“We did, it was an indirect-non-communicative-agreement that we made.” She told him.

“That makes…” He stopped himself from completing the sentence.

“Makes no sense? You said it yourself, some things don't have to make any sense.” Jameson was quiet for a second before chuckling. He loved her smart mouth.

“Fair enough.” He changed the subject. “Tell me something.” 

“Tell you what?” She asked.

“Anything.”

“I don't know.” She chuckled.

“I'll tell you something.”

“Okay” She was curious about what he was about to say.

“It’s more of a statement.” He said and moved himself forward towards her. He looked deep into her eyes before darting his eyes down to her lips. “You are extremely attracted to me.” He whispered, leaning closer.

“I am?”

“Mhmm” 

His hands cupped her face while leaning closer leaving only an inch gap between their lips, he looked at her eyes again to see if there's any confusion or discomfort. But her eyes were focusing on his lips, waiting for him. Jameson wasted no second and kissed her, unlike their first kiss this was gentle and soft. His mouth was exploring hers slowly as his hand caressed her neck. Her hands stayed holding her notebook but her mouth was kissing him just as gently as him. They both pulled away slowly taking a breath.

“You should go.” She said, not rudely, not with discomfort.

“Why?” His hands still on her neck caressing it.

“I should rewrite my notes.” She made an excuse.

“Okay.” He agreed. He wanted to kiss her again but he didn't. He caressed her neck one last time with his thumb before standing up.

“It doesn't have to mean anything, it doesn't have to make any sense at all. It could just be just as it is. A kiss.” He said.

“Are you suggesting that we act on our desires because we both are attracted to each other? Can you talk like a normal person?” She chuckled.

“Says the girl who just said ‘act on our desires.’ And yes. I don't want anything serious. We can even be friends, you're not all bad, you know? You are interesting, I don't just see you because you're attractive. You're fun and competitive. I like that.” He didn't want to sound like a jerk who sees her only because she's attractive. She should know she's more than just attractive.

“You didn't have to explain all that.” She chuckled. “So no strings attached?” She asked, more of a rhetorical question.

He nodded. 

“Come here” She said and he gladly obliged. 

Things got heated between them, really heated but everything had to stop because neither of them had protection so they talked. Jameson told her about the time he broke a few ribs and the tallest point he has been. 

[fruitydemogorgon]

Mike Wheeler; One Dimensional?

I've been confused about Mike for a long, long time. And, after watching the season with my Mom, I realised most people are. He's an interesting character. Shy yet witty, humble yet dramatic, caring yet stubborn. These traits contradict each other, but Mike Wheeler presents them all.

So, what is the Duffer's intention with this character? A boyfriend for El? A protagonist? Comic relief? The show tells us that he's more than this with his variety of scenes and moods, emotions and actions.

Compare him to, for example, Lucas or Dustin. Lucas, the strong-willed, thoughtful, courageous companion. Dustin, the intelligent, level-headed, empathetic guide. These characters are consistent throughout the show.

They present both positive and negative qualities that impact their lives, that cause complications and lead to timely resolutions. We are shown from start to finish the troubles that they go through, their thoughts, emotions, all demonstrated for the audience to easily see.

But it's not like that with Mike. And that's why he's so complicated.

In season 1, we see him faltering at moments where he misses Will, but we also see him striving when he gets the chance to help El. In season 2, he's miserable, calling for El, unable to save her, until Will gets possessed. Then, he has someone else to rescue. He devotes three days to saving Will and stopping the Upside Down. In season 3, El has harnessed her powers. He dislikes her strength because it means she doesn't need his saving. We also notice that whenever Will senses the Upside Down, Mike is immediately there to check on him.

I dive into a little more detail on season 1 here.

So, why is he wrote like this? Why is he written to be confusing and contradictory to himself?

When I was talking to my Mom about the characters, she told be she 'didn't like Mike and Will'.

And upon asking her why, she said, "It seems like the actors have many layers, their acting is very multi-dimensional"

She spoke about Will's boring character arc in season 3 and we laughed about that a little bit.

A bit later, I asked her why she didn't like Mike, and she explained that his character is:

"His character is very one-dimensional in season 3. He's kind of just swooning over El"

It's not just me, someone who has delved into analyses and theories about Mike and Will, but a casual viewer.

But, what shocked me the most is that she was right. She had a point. An extremely good point. The acting is multi-dimensional. Proving that there is more to Mike than what we see.

With the recent Premiere interviews, we can conclude, I think, that Mike's ultimate goal is to save the people he loves, and when they don't need saving, he's unsure of himself. It's like a reflex, his mind tells him how to protect and care in scary situations, but not how to 'be normal' in 'normal' situations. I think it's safe to say he's become comfortable with his friends, but when, for example, Max is introduced, he's awkward, resentful, shy, until Will has an episode and he gains confidence again.

In season 3, its been a long time since he's had anyone to 'save'. El has been living safely with Hopper, Will has returned to almost-normal. He loses himself, I think, when he can't ground himself in saving the people he loves. I believe a contributing factor is also his desperation to impress people (mainly El, the first girl whose shown any signs of wanting to be with him). He proceeds to adapt Lucas's 'maturity' and enhance his own dramatics, straying from who he was in the past seasons because he thinks that's what made him 'unlikeable'.

And I think El's unbreakable admiration for him didn't help, either. He could act however he desired, and she would still want to be with him. She mistook appreciation and gratitude for something in the lines of love (likely from watching all the soap operas). Not El's fault, not Mike's fault, but simply a lack of proper understanding and communication.

When Will was alone on the swings, Mike went up to him, despite not knowing him at all. He chose to save someone he didn't even know. Mike is not one-dimensional jerk he seems to be, he's just unsure. Unsure of himself, unsure of the people around him, unsure of his relationships. You could even say he's....

"trying to figure himself out...whether that's with El or not..."

"learns a lot about himself...how he sees his relationships with other people...a lot of understand-ment and growth"

[frikatilhi]

⭐

Almost forgot about this one because I had to go and beg for something specific to talk about. And luckily @maladroitoracle provided! ❤️

Has writing sex scenes gotten any easier?

This refers to the fact that in the beginning I said I won't probably even write anything very explicit (lol forever), and then when I did, I have repeatedly bitched and moaned about how hard it is. So I'd say, it's not necessarely any easier, but since I'm doing it anyway, I guess it's.. doable? It really depends on the scene. But I still get the feeling every time that I'm just describing tab A going into slot B and I have to remind myself to put some emotions in there.

"oothan tässä vielä huomenna" was your first longer fic, what did you learn from it or what stuck in your mind?

It was so great realising that I could actually write something longer! I got so much confidence as a writer from finishing that and from the lovely reception it got. I didn't start posting until it was all the way finished, since I wrote it totally out of order, in bits and pieces. Some random trivia:

The scene in the car where Bojan makes Jere watch CCC was originally a dialogue only snippet in @devotedlydarkcrown's DMs. It's based on the fact that Jere said in the Vogue interview that he had only watched CCC for the first time "a few days earlier". Also, the Bieber scene was written at her request.

Jere putting on Bojan's makeup was originally an answer to an anon prompt here

The first version of the scene on the morning after Tavastia 2.0 was written in the comments of a fanart on ao3

I kept rewriting the ending to make it happier. The original was... not as hopeful.

I have said it several times before, but the whole thing started when Bojan posted that damn story of him doing MMA and I went cross-eyed at the thought of him... exploring himself at that gym. Did you know that the gym he was posting from actually advertises having a Finnish sauna? True story.

I had so much fun writing Bojan's escapades, especially the one in Thailand. Also, all the interactions with the band, like Kris giving Bojan The Safe Sex Talk on the airplane. *chef's kiss*

Do you regret at all making me cry with "mun ainoa oikea satama"?

Pfft, you should know that every fanfic writer drinks their reader's tears instead of morning coffee. It's what keeps us alive! I'm so happy to hear that, mind you. That fic as not made the same numbers in stats as many others have, so I'm so glad of all the love it receives, since it's very dear to my heart.

[thepariahcontinuum]

Parahuman power ideas:

1: A tinker whose specialty is to build a crappy, gas-powered device they solves the last problem they heard a person mention. Gets headaches if they hear something the shards can't/won't solve or if he hears another problem before finishing the current project.

2: A blaster/stranger whose blasts become harmless to anybody that sees them. They glow and travel at maybe 20-30 mph so spotting them isn't hard.

3: A breaker who turns into/from lunar sediment. Has no control over their "body" while transformed.

I originally wrote up these three as a cluster trigger but I think I'll leave it up to you if they are or not.

Okay I did a cluster as one of the recent submissions to this so I'm gonna say that this isn't a cluster.

Also, in going to make it a rule now that unless you're specifically asking for a cluster or capes that have a reason to be part of the same submission that you send ideas one at a time....These bulk asks are getting a bit much.

The first one: Oh there's potential for this one....This is a villain/mercenary rogue by necessity. This is a guy who would have loved to stay out of all of the cape nonsense and use his powers to run a legitimate business, the problem is that there are laws which effectively stop Tinkers from running a business that competes with non-Capes. Eventually he decided that if he's going to be forced out of legal work that he should commit to the bit.... He's something of a one-stop shop for quick and dirty, cheap but largely effective solutions that a lot of the small to mid tier villains without the means and resources to have their own in-house people. He is on the other hand someone who will be at every Endbringer fight he can reach, usually with a big gas-powered mech or tank.

His entire aesthetic is steampunk, a mix of gentleman and inventor; hides his face behind heavy goggles, wears a top hat and has a very twirly moustache.

Cape name: "Captain of Industry"

The second one: so you didn't specify but I'm imagining these blasts as similar to Legend's lasers but heavily nerfed because of the limit you specified.

I feel like this guy is ex-military like Narwhal, possibly a sniper which would make the limits of the power fitting in that twisted way Worn does....He was honourably discharged after Triggering and managed to make a living as one of those background capes the PRT just has guarding things and out of the limelight.

Until he found a marketable niche.

He's a blaster, but he likes to function as a striker.... Basically he wears a really subtle costume with a regular coat over it and is the person to take point on engaging villains, primarily getting close enough to fire a blast from point blank..... Doesn't matter how slow the blast moves if it hits you in the back of the head from half an inch away. He's still not massively popular but he's got a use and enough of a cult following to justify them making merch and giving him a few public appearances and interviews.... Although a lot of them are with podcasts run my utter dicks.

Cape name: "Astonish" (Partly because of comic names like "Astonishing Spider-Man" and partly because of the Pokemon move Astonish which makes the opponent flinch)

The third one: Okay I'm gonna need some clarification on this power...Do they actually became a lump of lunar sediment and just exist as a lump of crumbly dirt with no power to affect anything? Because that would be entirely useless beyond being a screaming red flag about this characters self image.

Or is it what I imagined.....A Hulk like scenario where they become a rage monster made of disconnected moon rock and dust, with the breaker category coming from the fact that each of the disconnected parts can function somewhat independently? Because that has some potential.

I don't have much of a background in mind for this character, only that she's a patient at the asylum who checked herself in upon realising that she had absolutely no control over her actions in her alternate state and that changing back was difficult.....Also, she's gotta be involved in the half built moon city, if only tangentially.

Cape name: "Lunacy"....A pun I am not ashamed of.

[butterfly-winx]

What are the Alfea entrance exams like, how was it for the winx?

While good grades do matter, people apply to Alfea with motivational essays and a little practical demonstration of their transformation skill if they already have that.

Bloom and Layla obviously never had to write one: Bloom because she sailed by on Varanda's admission and Layla because hers was a unique offer extended by Faragonda.

Musa wrote about honouring her mother's elven heritage by practicing magic, and wanting to learn magic from a diverse teaching staff including humans, elves and other magic beings. As a mixed kid on Melody, she would have had to chose between elven or human magic and since she didn't want to do that she is essentially challenging Alfea with "if you teach me your transcendent approach, wouldn't you want to find out what comes out a mixed kid like me?". She of course had to make a case for herself based on general education grades only, as she stopped attending magic prep schools after her mother died and her magic waned with it. Her will to prove herself impressed Griselda who was the one who put Musa on the shortlist in the first place.

Stella too was reporting about the importance of dual heritage. Despite being almost guaranteed a place because of Radius' connections, she did still put effort into her essay. She talked about how proud she was of her parents uniting witchcraft and fey magic in their marriage and that she is very keen on getting an opportunity to learn from someone like Faragonda who did practice both streams. Stella also immediately outlined her ambitions in becoming a competent and esteemed Guardian Fairy for her planet and people. Her writing was stilted, having been corrected by Luna and several academic coaches before submission, but it made Faragonda curious for the person hiding behind those words.

Tecna didn't really plead or list their previous accomplishments; those were included in one of the other forms already. They wrote a critical essay on the feminisation of fey magic and how it deserved to be dismantled by a diverse cast of practitioners. They never put themselves down as example of said diverse cast, this was way before Tecna had any of their gender realisations, but it kind of shone through either way. Griselda kept putting Tecna's application from pile to pile, because it was a great essay but also not really hitting application criteria. She ended up showing it to Palladium and DuFour who are not officially part of the applicant selection process and they were both like "Mary are you stupid, invite this kid for an interview, they sound hilarious."

Flora wrote her application ont he behest of the Lynphean Council. It was very long winded and included a detailed description of her case, despite Flora having trouble believing what people were telling her about the level of her abilities. Basically, Lynphea Woodland College rejected her and put her forward to apply to Alfea, as with her skills the College would not be able to adequately foster her. Flora's shy nature of course downplayed the whole natural genius aspect and rather made assurances about about her suitability to living abroad, cope with academic challenges and how she wants to use her magic to improve the lives of the people of Lynphea. All in all a run of the mill application, boosted into almost immediate acceptance by her truly insane grades and extra communication with the Lynphean Council that they definitely can organise a student visa for their charge.

Roxy I think was the only one who got main character treatment, cause she really doesn't have it with words and especially not towards magic, a thing she just learned about. So her essay was quite shit, but Faragonda and Griselda were like: "I know she has to get schooling asap, but can't she just go to Betta?" "Nope, you want to offend Earth fairies literally not five minutes after they get resurrected to the main timeline?". Roxy's admission was formally conditional until Earth has had time to rebuild its magic schools, but A that takes a lot of time and B Roxy was making strides in learning magic, and it was actually Wisgiz who expressed confidence that she will make it to Enchantix at the same pace as her peers, so she got to stay till graduation (that's S8 in the timeline).

Bloom, always the overachiever, did write a leaving essay tho, considering the three years she has spent in the Magic Universe expressing her gr attitűdé to Faragonda who allowed her on this journey despite her unconventional and borderline fraudulent start. She talks about her childhood obsession with fairies and pull towards the magical before she ver knew what it was and thanks the headmistress for allowing her to find confirmation, fulfillment and a home in magic and in Alfea. After Valtor she rewrote the ending several times and finished with expressing willingness to face whatever challenges come to meet her in her new position, both as Guardian Fairy and representative of a lost legacy. She again thanks Faragonda for the two most powerful weapons she has gifted Bloom in this fight: trust and friendship.

[teaandsmut]

Am I correct in thinking that the SPOP writers wrote season 5 after season 1 came out? Or at least some of it? I don't tend to read interviews, but after season 5 came out I'm sure I saw people mention something about them needing to see and demonstrate the fan reaction to season 1 before they could include endgame Adora/Catra.

My theory is that they never had a fixed endgame ship. I think they wanted to have one but that they weren't committed to one before season 5. Various creators with varying degrees of influence might have had their preferred tropes and corresponding ships, but I think they set up the dynamics in seasons 1-4 in a way that provided content for multiple ships and kept their options open going into season 5.

(Under a read more because I don't have the means or inclination to get words into a more organised or concise arrangement right now! It's a little salty but mostly neutral.)

I can see the copious Adora/Catra ship fuel in seasons 1-2 and to a lesser extent in season 3. I shipped it myself until I lost interest during season 4. I've read Nimona, I could guess what Stevenson's preference was.

Even though it was never my ship, I can also see all the Adora/Glimmer ship fuel in seasons 1-4. They even ended season 4 with a central plotline falling out from which they could have had a dramatic final season central plotline reconciliation. And there's all those identical moments they had that were repeated later between Adora/Catra in season 5.

Bow/Glimmer had no season 1-4 romantic development that I can see and they specifically nipped that idea in the bud in season 1, but their relationship had plenty of love and affection so if they wanted to put them together romantically in season 5 then it wouldn't be an inconceivable leap based on what had gone before.

There was obviously a romantic dimension to Catra/Scorpia, and a pivotal season 4 falling out (like Adora/Glimmer) where Catra realised she felt differently about Scorpia than she previously thought. There was a narrative foundation for reciprocation if they wanted to go that way in season 5.

I don't have to convince anyone on the pieces in place for an endgame Catra/Glimmer option, right? No, didn't think so :p Like the vast majority of Glitra shippers I've encountered, I was never of the opinion that romantic Catra/Glimmer would happen, but I can very easily see that it could have from the point they were at by the end of season 4.

Watching the show alongside the fandom, it seemed obvious that if anyone was getting together it was going to be Adora/Catra. I do think they were always going to reconcile as a key part of the end of the show and were probably a frontrunner for an endgame ship. But imagine writing it and not knowing how people were going to react to the show in over a year's time. What if season 1 came out, with season 2-4 already set in stone, and everyone hated that ship or weren't interested and were all for another one? Part of me thinks they were hedging their bets in case that happened.

Adora/Catra got most of their ship fuel early on and had a noticeable lack of development in season 4. I think the incomplete-feeling acceleration of their relationship in season 5 was because the writers assumed/hoped they could rely on fandom enthusiasm for the ship, which they were aware of by now, to carry it over the gaps. I can easily imagine different season 5s in a world where the fandom went absolutely wild for another ship and the show went hard at that one instead.

Or maybe I'm wrong and they'd already written all of season 5 by that point and just needed some positive fan reaction to get the go ahead to let them kiss or something! I'm sure they've said it was planned from the start etc. But this is still one of my half-baked theories about the show's writing.

It's not getting anymore elaborate than this! Time for me to go back to work now that I've let my brain run around daft for a moment.

[silverinia]

I came for Baranski, I stayed for Baranski - a quick Christmas On The Square review someone* actually asked for

(* thank you, anon)

Disclaimer: I am in no way a professional of any sorts when it comes to film and I'm not a journalist either. The last movie review I've written was probably for a school assignment in eighth grade. I didn't do research for this and I've watched the movie exactly one time, so this is just for fun.

It was a Sunday, Sunday the 22nd of November, nearing the end of the train wreck of a year that is 2020. I woke up on an air mattress around seven am, my head aching, my throat itching with pyrosis and light nausea, it was still dark outside behind the closed blinds in front of the windows, when I slowly realised where I was, one of my best girlfriends sleeping next to me in her bed. I had crashed at her place after a warm, fuzzy evening of mulled wine, tacky Christmas movies I would never watch alone (Christmas Chronicles and Holiday Calendar, which I quite honestly didn't enjoy at all, but the company made it fun anyway), doing our nails, wearing the fun kind of face masks for a change and smoking too many cigarettes, as the soft pain in my head informed me right now. She woke up an hour later and the morning went by with coffee and reheated pizza for breakfast, when we decided to watch another movie and I realised that it was THE Sunday I'd been waiting for through Zoom interviews and Dolly Parton twitter memes and the infamous wig gate that will be briefly discussed in the following, and so we clicked on the small icon in the Netflix menu that said "Christmas On The Square".

And oh boy, was it a ride.

To start off, I should mention that I have a hard time watching most modern day American Christmas movies, as I noticed quite vividly again when I watched the two aforementioned Netflix productions last night. The character development is always foreseeable to say the least, the plot lines are plain clichés hunting each other like they're the kids in The Hunger Games, and the writing is generally so bad that you can join the actors in reciting the entire scripts on your first watch. I watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas once a year while I'm gift wrapping and pause every fifteen minutes to shamelessly stare at forties Christine Baranski (I think we should all turn away from the birth of Jesus and instead count our years based on Christine Baranski's date of birth) in flamboyant nightgowns and short Christmas themed dresses, looking so fabulous that every interpreter of Santa Baby ever could only dream of it, I watch Love Actually at least five times a year to lust over Hugh Grant, cry with Emma Thompson and miss Alan Rickman, I enjoy Bridget Jones, which I would definitely consider a Christmas movie, and that's it. That's my yearly Christmas time entertainment routine and I can barely tolerate anything beyond, because I'm still traumatised from the time when I was around five years old and on a holiday family visit where had to sit through National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the dumbest movie I have ever seen (my apologies if you like it but also, who hurt you?), with my cousins. I hated it. I hated every minute of it. And it scarred me for life.

But this was a Christine Baranski movie, I knew she was going to play the lead and so I was pretty much as excited about this as I could. And the fact that Dolly Parton wrote the whole thing didn't hurt either. As I said earlier to my friend I was watching it with, I have the pop cultural taste of a fifty year old gay man, a quality I am most proud of, and this simply ticked off all my boxes.

I expected something similar to a Mamma Mia experience that wouldn't cause me to crave packing my bags, give Covid the finger and run off to Greece. Light-hearted entertainment, easy to stomach, uplifting music and so little plot that the simplicity feels like a creative choice. That's what my pained, hungover brain knew it could cope with and that's not what I got.

The movie started and I was immediately in the zone. I saw Christine Baranski's name in the front credits (an experience that never fails to make me scream "Yass Queen" at the screen, regardless of where I am and who I'm with, as if I'm the sobering result that pops out of the package when you order Jonathan Van Ness on Wish), the setting was wonderfully corny (I grew up watching Gilmore Girls once a week, so give me warm fairy lights and a gazebo and I'm perfectly happy) and as my friend wondered whether Dolly Parton, in her exaggerated homeless attire that didn't make her look shabby at all, was green-screened into the setting because she stood out so much (which she was because the background dancers were dancing in slow motion, but to be fair, we were probably still a little too drunk to notice that from the start) and I told her I thought that it was just the natural glow someone who's Dolly Parton simply carries with them everywhere they go, I was happy. This was the movie I was prepared for. A movie in which the most problematic thing would be stereotypical characters and the wig they hid Christine's real, flawlessly handmade by God herself hair under.

And then, around five minutes in, Christine Baranski's childhood love interest was revealed as she pressed her perfect pointy nose against the window of his shop and sang about her unrequited love.

And suddenly, things started taking turns at a pace I was still way too sleep-deprived for.

Suddenly, in the middle of my general amazement at seeing Christine Baranski do literally anything and laughing loud at her impeccable comedic delivery, there were unresolved daddy issues, hanging prominently at the wall in her marvellously designed house (she literally says "Daddy" at one point and I couldn't help but think that only someone with her vocal skills could keep from making it sound cringe-worthily kinky). One moment, I was clutching my chest above my heart while she was bonding with little bartender Violet and munching on pretzels while downing some whiskey in that elegant way only Christine Baranski can bond with ten year olds who had it rough, eat pretzels and down whiskey, and the next she felt responsible for said girl's mother's death (which she kinda was too, but I'm not the boss of her). I was still busy making fun of how the very annoyingly, but when you're snacking on pizza with extra cheese at nine in the morning also highly funny, slow talking pastor's name was Christian, and suddenly there was a cancer scare.

It was a lot, a hasty sprint from major issue to major issue with a hint of comedic relief every now and then, and it didn't get any less until the very, rather poorly resolved, end.

The entire, constant up and down was followed by the movie's peak of suspense, the near death of precious Violet, something I couldn't even get too invested in because I was still so busy worrying about Christine's MRT results (I was truly fucking worried), not to mention that I hadn't even started to really process the sudden revelation of the love child and how it had affected her character's actions until this point. Was her constant tendency of pushing people away, as we've seen most clearly with her angel in training assistant who's name I cannot recall right now, the result of her broken trust in her father who practically ripped her son away from her after she had just given birth to him? Was it a result of her never getting the closure she needed with plaid flannel wearing Carl she was clearly still in love with? Maybe both? And what of the many issues was it that made her so incredibly shaken up when Violet blamed herself for her mother's death? Was it 'just' due to the fact that the closed pharmacy was on her, or was there more to it? Was it because she had grown up without a mother herself? Or did I miss a major piece of information because I was momentarily distracted, dumbfoundedly staring at Christine's very blue eyes? No time to ponder on that, little Silverinia, because here comes unconscious Violet in an ambulance, WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!

I'm not going to go in depth about what plot lines I thought were especially carelessly handled and why, real standouts were the sudden forgiveness towards her father who had still acted like a shitty asshole even though he might have had his reasons, because giving the baby up for adoption just wasn't his choice to make, and the fact that I kind of didn't buy how quickly Regina managed to forgive herself, especially for Violet's mother's passing, considering how deeply her tall, slim, dare I say angelic and entrancing figure was buried beneath the weight of all her issues. It felt rushed and incomplete, but that's as detailed as it gets because my major point is something else.

I think this movie made the great mistake of trying to be more than your average, flat, happy ending Christmas movie. I think no one involved thought it was possible to make it a big hit if the only real plot would've been great Dolly Parton music, fun ensemble dance choreographies, Christine Baranski's outstanding acting skills, fun settings and costumes and a redemption arch with as little plot as it could possibly take to make Christine likable to those who aren't already lost forever in the rabbit hole of being obsessed with her (poor fuckers, can't relate). They didn't notice that with the legends that were involved, they could've easily gone the Mamma Mia way. And I think that's why they tried to include heavier plot lines than most creators would've chosen, experiencing loss at an early age, struggling to find closure, dealing with sickness, teenage pregnancy, parents forcing their choices on their children when they affect their childrens' lives first, adoption, and the fear of losing your kid.

It was a lot and I don't want to say that it didn't work because my friend was crying, like, pretty hard and I questioned my entire existence all through the movie in not the worst way, and I did enjoy it a lot while watching. The "grief is love with nowhere to go" line was a real standout, for example, where the attempt of complexity DID work. It positively gave me fleabag season two, "I don't know what to do with it now, with all the love I have for her." - "I'll take it. It sounds lovely. You have to give it to me." feels, and that's about the biggest praise I can come up with. BUT (and this is written in capital letters because it's the big but) I'm also totally convinced that I wouldn't have enjoyed it if they hadn't cast Christine Baranski for the lead role. In my humble opinion, the hasty, not really at all resolved plot of this movie only worked because Christine Baranski is just a fantastic actress. She quirks a mocking eyebrow and you laugh. She parts her perfectly painted red lips and you immediately hang on them because you don't want to miss a single breath she, a literal goddess, graces us mere peasants of people with. She smiles and you're happy. She laughs and even while she's still laughing, you can't wait to hear her do it again. Her eyes fill with tears and you feel goosebumps on your arms, her voice slightly trembles, a breath hitches in her throat and you feel your heart shattering to pieces. As Chuck Lorre once said, this woman could read you the phone book and you would end up laughing tears because she just gets the job done. She knows what she's doing, she's an absolute pro in her game, and it doesn't matter, not even a little bit, what she's working with, because the work she eventually delivers with it is always at a minimum of 200%. I forced my friend to watch this movie with me because I adore this woman, and I felt for this movie because I felt for her. It wasn't the plot that sadly brutally overestimated itself, it wasn't the songs that I obviously enjoyed, nor the comedic elements that truly made me laugh a lot, it was all her. I came for Baranski, and I stayed for Baranski. This woman can do anything. She can even look graceful in a terrible wig job.

(side note / unpopular opinion: I actually didn't think the wig was all too bad. It wasn't good, actually far from good, but for me, nothing can match the awful wig game of Mamma Mia 2. I loathed that wig, I absolutely cannot stand it. So this didn't feel all that terrible. It definitely wasn't the most problematic part about the movie.)

I enjoyed watching this. It was a nice distraction from all the bullshit in the world. Watching it today was the first thing this year that actually brought me something close to excitement about the holiday season, even though everything will be very different and probably not quite as jolly this year. But it just gave me good vibes and as someone who did not watch this as a film reviewer, that's the biggest part of what leads me to enjoy a movie.

Will I watch this again? For sure. Will I enjoy it when I'm not hungover, having freshly done nails and munching delicious pizza for breakfast? Probably not as much, but it'll still have Christine Baranski in it. Would I recommend watching this? If you share my obsession with Queen B, one hundo. If you don't, probably not.

[jennsmischievousmind]

Blind and Dumb Ambition

Part 2 Dumb

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader

Warnings: Grammar mistakes, I wrote it in a spunk. Awful title. Self-pleasuring

A/N: I had this idea in the back of my head, came while I was writing A Perfect Fit. I'm actually having a hard time with Fucks not found (Ben Hardy story), so I thought getting this one out my head would clear my foggy brain. There's a part 2 if you're interested. (Also at the time I felt weird writing about a real person, Sebastian Stan, and not one of his character that's why it didn't came out.. until today.)

You were back at your hotel, this day had been exhausting, fun, but exhausting. Mackie had told The After Party's place and time but with no invitation what was the point. It's a Marvel after party - it's like trying to enter the Met Gala!

Walking in the shower, you started to think about your encountered with Sebastian this past 2 days. The warm water easing your muscles, you took the soap in your hands, lavering it on your body, closing your eyes, you couldn't stop thinking about Seb.

How he had look at you on the red carpet, the way he would lick his lips and starred at you during interviews. You promptly imagine that your hands where his, caressing your collarbone, brushing the apex of your breasts, circling around your navel, then brushing your heat. Taking a good feel of your left breast, as you slide your fingers between your wet folds, pressing at the entrance, you slipped one knuckle in, slighlty moaning at the sensation, still hoping it was Seb's fine fingers, you fondled your breasts, slipping in a second finger, you bend, your forehead resting on the cold tiles, as you build up your orgasm, pressing gently against the walls, you started rubbing your clit slowly, until you thought about Seb's thighs, how his beard would feel between your legs. That did it, you moan loudly,

Hands flat against the tiles, you breathed heavily, chuckling at yourself. 

Drying yourself you slipped into the silk robe the hotel had provided, you lotioned your body, watching the news. Then you started working on editing the interviews. After what might be 2 hours, your tummy growled. You had forgot to eat again. You took the room's phone then you heard a knock on your door, taking your watch from the bedside table you wondered who it could be and furthermore this late. Tying a bit tighter the belt of the robe, you tiptoed to the door. Opening up slightly, your jaw dropped.

"Hi, Y/N"

"Seb..Sebastian what are you doing here?" You eyes were like saucers

"I know it looks weird, but I was at the After Party and Mackie mentionned you .. I couldn't get a pass, so I thought..," he lifted his hand holding a paper bag, "I'd bring the Party."

He looked so panicked but at the same time hopeful and confident, you chuckled at the adorable face he pulled at his cheezy last line.

"You should stop hanging out with Anthony, next time I know you'll roast Tom Holland as much as him."

He laughed, slightly giving you a look over when he tought you weren't looking, his eyes stopped on your cleavage, for a second, then focused on the knot at your waist. 

Then you realised Sebastian Stan was in the hallway, waiting at your door and you still didn't have let him in.

"Shoot, sorry come in," As he walked past, you smell his musk and perfume, it turned you on so easily that you freaked out a little bit.

*growl* your stomach made himself known,

"Looks like my timing is perfect," Sebastian search in the paper bag, "fancy some club sandwich & champagne?"

"Where..*growl*" you pressed your hands on your stomach, embarassed

Sebastian made himself at home, unloading the bag on the coffee table surrounded by one armchair and the desk chair, he sat on this latter, "Come on," he smiled, nodding at the armchair.

You gave in eventually, eating in front of someone was something intimate for you, even more considering the situation. It click then, you quickly overlook your actual state, naked under a silk robe, munching on some delicious club sandwich, drinking a Mimosa, with a hot Sebastian Stan in your hotel room.

*cough*

"You're okay?" He asked genuinely worried

Tilting your head up and down way too gingerly, you stood up, heading for the bathroom.

"Give me a minute"

Closing the door, letting yourself slide down on your butt.

"Fuck" you whispered.

Your clothes were in the room, you were not going to put the panty you'd wear all day, you were fucked [...]

Trying to rearrange yourself, you quickly gave up, there was no need, without proper clothes, you still look..

...hot, sexy, in need.

Coming back in the main room, you turned to Sebastian, your eyes widenned, your mind processing what was happening that your body didn't move at all for 5 seconds, enough time for him to read another page. Then suddenly you flung forward for your notebook that Sebastian was reading. 

"Wow," he said smiling, holding his hand with the notebook away from you

"Please Sebastian give it back.." the silk robe itching up your body as you tried to reach it.

'M sorry I didn't mean to but it's the notebook you carry around during interviews so I was curious."

"It is, yes, please give it to me." You almost pleaded.

He gave it back, a little smirk on his face. 

"What did you read exactly?" You asked but in the same time afraid to know his answer. 

"Nothing much, yesterday's interviews." He answered

You put the notebook in your bag, you heard Seb sitting on the bed behind you. 

"Oh and there was this list, ..!"

You turned to him in shock, your face soon crimson. 

"Oh my god!" You hide your face with your hands. 

Trying hard to convince yourself this wasn't happening. You heard him chuckle. 

"It's okay Y/N, I mean … well I need to know. Do you want this," he paused, "to keep going or do you want me to leave?"

You breathed in.

"If it makes you uncomfortable, I ..."

"Stay .. it's fine .. I guess." Removing your hands from your face, Sebastian was still on the bed starring at you, those blue eyes boring into you.

His thick thighs spread as his elbows were resting on them, his hand scratching his trimmed beard, each time he would do that in interviews you would clench your legs together.

"You were ..not meant to read that list"

"I bet...this is some serious journalism.." he taunted trying to lightened the mood

He then reached out for you, you willingly took two steps closer, sliding his hand in yours, he was warm and gentle. Stepping between his thighs he was looking at you searching for any kind of discomfort.

"You're okay?" the sharp intake of breath betraying you, nodding was a good answer, you were mesmerized by is closeness, still not understanding how this was happening. He made you sat on one of his thigh, you had dreamt of those thighs.

Automatically your hand went around his broad shoulder, to balance yourself, he was still holding one of your hand.

"Y/N, I'd like to hear it from you..Just like in the interview."

At first you were lost until it clicked "It's no quite.. the good setup.." you nervously joked, he was still staring at you.

The list. A serie of numbers, each with a question well more like a short demand, soft, heated sexual demands...directed to one person, Sebastian Stan.

Everytime he'd do something hot you'd wrote a number with a demand. It was like an immediate therapy, you had to let it out on paper or else you couldn't concentrate.

"What's number 1 Y/N?"

Part 3 Ambition

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Double Life

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Summary: You are a YouTuber who also happens to be an actor. You do YouTube when acting jobs seem to go scarce. One day you get a call from your manager saying he has found something that peaks your interest. What happens when you meet your co-star and your characters love interest? Will you keep it professional or will you let your feelings get to you?

Warnings: angst, sad!reader, mentions of death, comforting!Jensen, gruesome description of death, talk of murder, mentions of legal trouble.

Word Count: 1215

A/N: This is based on actual events so please be gentle. I had more hard hitting news about a close friend. So, I thought since I write like I am the reader I would share this heartbreaking tale the only way I know how to. I know its really dark and going to be hard to read, but the wounds are still fresh on this. I really hope you enjoy.

"Hello everyone. I am so glad you are here to share this experience with me. I wish it was on a better day or with a better, more funny story time video. Today, as you can tell by the title, is going to be kind of morbid so please bare with me." I said trying to calm my nerves.

I could see Jensen out of the corner of my eye. He wanted to be here when I filmed this video because he knows how much it still hurts. He was reassuring me I was doing good.

"Back in preschool, we had a small little program where we had a been assigned a pen-pal to learn more about the culture of where that person lived. There were people from all over the world. Some were from the states, the UK, France, all over. It was a really neat thing for a small little preschool/daycare to have.

"You had to be at least 4 years of age to be part of this program. It was a whole interview type of situation. You had to prove your basic reading and writing skills. It was a nice learning experience for me. Once you're in you have one more piece to go through. You have to show you are capable of writing legible sentences. That way the kids aren't struggling to read what you are trying to tell them.

"I was assigned a boy named Alexander. Later on I would get to know this boy and realised I never knew his last name. Anyway, he was from the UK and he was the sweetest person anyone could ever meet.

"He was three years older than me though, but a lot of the kids from different countries tended to be a little older than us. It was okay though because it was nice to have someone who knew things and could potentially teach me.

"It a program that you stayed until you were 10 years old. Then the younger of the two were assigned new pen-pals, but you had to reapply.

"Alex and I had sent letters back and forth for three years. Until he wasn't able to be in the program anymore. That didn't stop us though. Every now and again I would get a letter from him asking how I was doing and if school was going good. He asked about old friends, and if I had made new ones.

"He would ask if I wanted to talk on the phone, so we could talk hear each other's voices. It wasn't like face to face talking though. Eventually I had grown old enough for my mom to finally let me go see him again.

"At that point it had been almost 8 years since we first met. It was rough because we both love face to face contact more than anything else.

"The trip was amazing. I was so happy to see him again. My mom was so excited to meet him. He had changed, but the same time he hadn't. He was still the same dorky kid I met when I was 4. Now I was 12 and going into middle school. He was going into what would be high school for him.

"We talked, we wrote, and when I got my first phone that you could text people on, we texted all the time. It was the best thing to have a friend like him.

"On my good days we would laugh, and on my bad days he would talk to me into the late hours of the night. It was so amazing to know I was cared about by someone I had only met twice in my life.

"When I got into acting and my career I was able to fly out and see him more. He found himself a girlfriend. I didn't necessarily approve of her, but she made him happy and that's all I cared about.

"As time went on he was starting to get these really horrible headaches. Headaches that even the slightest bit of light would make him sick. He could sit in pitch black darkness and it still hurt.

"I told him he needed to go see a doctor, and finally after months of pleading he finally went. He found out he had a brain tumor. The headaches were caused by excess fluid in his brain and that he needed surgery to remove the fluid.

"He called me that night freaked out and terrified. He didn't want his life to end like this and he didn't want to do it alone.

"I told him I was always here. Just a phone call and a plane ride away. If he needed anything I was going to be on the next flight out.

"A week later he called me freaking out about surgery. He didn't want to die on an operating table. He still had things he wanted to do. Place he wanted to see.

"He still wanted to come out and see Colorado. Or go to Los Angeles. He was so determined he was going to make it out to see me one last time.

"On January 2, 2014 Alex passed away from a severe seizure. He was found in his apartment a day later. Covered in blood and vomit. And his girlfriend was nowhere to be found.

"Things have come to light in the what was just a death caused by cancer was now something that could have been prevented. It had soon become a murder investigation.

"The doctors said they had prescribed him with a new supply of epilepsy medication to help with the seizures. Looking back on the report that medication was all gone.

"His girlfriend was going charged with murder and possession of non prescription medication.

"Two days after her arrest she was found hung in her cell. The guilt finally caught up to her, or she didn't want to man up to the crime she had committed.

"Who knows how much longer Alex would've lived if she hadn't done it, but it's over and done with.

"I wanted to let you guys know that everything is okay, but him being gone for 5 years is still hurting. Alex was my best friend before I even met Jess.

"Sometime this week I should be getting a package shipped out from what he had included in his will. I finally have some justice and closure as to what happened, but it doesn't make it any easier.

"Thank you for sticking with me. I know this was a lot to handle and everything. Please if you liked this video or just liked the fact I shared something very personal please leave a like.

"I will leave a playlist of funny story time videos. Don't forget to subscribe. I will see you guys next time. Bye."

I wiped all my tears away. As I turned off the camera. It wasn't long till I was being embrace by a pair of strong arms. Jensen was truly sent to me by Alex. It's how I know he's still with me.

He knew that Jensen would be able to provide me what he provided me. That was the coolest thing. It's how I know Jensen is the one.

Tags:

@anotherwaywardsister @archangel-michael98 @atc74 @bella-ca @canadianspnhunter @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @ericaprice2008 @impala-dreamer @impalaimagining @katymacsupernatural @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @luci-in-trenchcoats @mamaredd123 @masksandtruths @mirandaaustin93 @muchamusedaboutnothing @our-jensen-ackles-love @roxyspearing @sea040561 @snffbeebee @spnwaywardwitch @squirrelnotsam @winchesterprincessbride

[lovemanunited]

I went for my interview today at UFP (printing and IT distribution) for a picking job. I'm pleased to say I got the job! Finally after a year and a half of struggle!

I lost my job at Grattans in April 2020 due to the pandemic. It was really depressing to find out that I had lost my job. I think the main reason why they got rid of me is because I wasn't happy and also of the fact that I made a complaint about Brian's Racism I.e. the burka comment a day before eid saying ' what are you going to wear tomorrow then a burka?' Dress up like a letterbox? And I replied 'No I'm going to wear a traditional Pakistani clothing called salwar kameez!' At the time Luke the supervisor and the Sikh guy who also worked at customer services were laughing! I felt so hurt by the comment. Prior to that he said that 'aren't we all racist?' And I replied no I am not. This was the time when he was talking to me about the 2001 riots in Bradford and saying that the asians were at fault.

I remember crying in the toilets. I felt so hurt about what had been said. I felt like shit. I didn't even feel like working anymore.

The next day I made a complaint and wrote a statement with everything that had happened.

It boiled down to the mediation process in the end at the meeting. We were both told to keep personal stuff out of conversations and just purely focus on our jobs and to minimize contact.

I worked at Grattans for over 3 years but it came to the point where it became so depressing. I just hated everything about the job. I even attended Counselling during my time at Grattans at the beginning of 2020. I guess they made the right decision letting me go in the end.

1 and a half years I'd been on benefits. I was only getting 250 pounds a month!! I felt depressed! I knew I had to get a job soon as I couldn't live with that sort of income.

Eventually I got an agency work from Knowhow resourcing. I began my work at grant and bowman's ltd where I was making lids and sellotaping the edges. It was such a boring and repetitive job. Hated every minute of working there except for maybe the first day when we were just opening the toys out of the boxes. Then on a Friday, the following week on the 13th of Aug! They made me carry heavy boxes upstairs! My back was gone! I thought it's not worth me breaking my back over a job like this. It was disgusting how they were taking advantage. So I walked out after just an hour and told them I've had enough and that it's too much!! And walked out! I then felt so upset as this has become a common theme in my life. I then decided to go for a walk in Peel Park and the following week pretended that I was still at work the following week so that I didn't lose face in front of my family. I felt ashamed. Instead I sat in the car, either reading my books, running, walking or cycling.

I then got a phone call by the agency and was asked if I'd want to go back to grant and bowman's in leeds as a cleaning operative! (Yeah right!).. I obviously declined.

They then offered me a food production job in keighley and I refused to go. I just knew it wasn't for me. So I just continued pretending I was still at work by chilling in car and doing what I normally did when not at work.

I got offered a job 6 til 2 in the bradford site ( grant and bowman's). That wasn't too bad, it was just labelling and packing toys and time flew too! So much better than the Leeds site. I was there for one day until I joined Torque ( in the Arsenal department). I was shocked to realise that I only get 30 mins for lunch at 11.30 til 12.00pm and no breaks in between!!! Shocking! I got used to it though eventually. It wasn't too bad when you had company and you chatted as you worked as time flew. Unfortunately it was frustrating as I was only getting in 2 or 3 days a week so was getting less pay! Good job I was still getting my carers allowance!

I went back to the bradford site a few times (grant and bowmans) and then Torque stopped calling me for work as there was no work left. So had no job for like a week.

I was then called in for Packing at Astonish (cleaning product warehouse in BD6).. it wasn't too bad first week. I was just doing manual production where I was putting 6 diseffectant bottles into a box and then taping them and placing them on the pallet. It was from 8 til 4.

However as always the nightmare always begins the following week. They put me on 6 til 2pm shift which I didn't mind as you get to chill out for the rest of the day. The job role was on the production line. I was putting empty cleaning tubs on the belt repetitively. I felt like a robot, felt dehumanised. It was probably the most mindless job I have ever done in my life! Probably one of the worst jobs I've done in my life close with Leeds bowmans warehouse where they made me lift heavy boxes up the stairs and Hermes in grattans i.e.putting packages in cages and dragging them to despatch area wearing heavy safety boots!!!!

Anyways I was on the brink of leaving astonish again which was on a Friday.. (what is it with me and Fridays lol) I told Joe the supervisor that this is a very boring and repetitive job and that this is not something I signed up for. I then asked if i was doing it the following week and he said no I'd be back on manual production the one that i started with before. Anyways they decided not to call me back after that. Maybe because i complained but good riddance i say as i would never have been able to do the tub production line job for long! I'm not a robot!!

Agency gave me a job at Cleckheaton which was like 23 mins away, it was a job working with cosmetic products. In the end, I just couldn't be bothered as the jobs they were placing me in kept faffing me about. So I pulled a sickie for 4 days lol.. I then told them I was available for work again which was on Thursday evening. Over the phone I told them that I'm sick of the constant faffing about as they wanted me to.work at torque in Leeds. Like I was going to go all the way there if I'm not getting any regular income coming in!

Anyways eventually they gave me a job back at Bradford site (Torque) but this time it was in the Sahara dresses department. It was packing! Making boxes and placing the dress and sticking the leaflet inside it and taping them up. After the training, I just couldn't be bothered! The job was full of shit and so boring! There was no one to talk to and I knew I wouldn't survive without regular breaks so I told the trainer that I'm going toilet. Instead, I went outside towards the car and rang the agency and told them it's not for me. This was 30 mins into the job lol. Well it was own back as they once called me in and gave me wasted journey as they were no work so they got their own taste of medicine. I wasn't fussed lol. Steve told me that it makes them look bad and that I should go back but I refused. I got to the point where I stopped taking their calls. The worst agency I've worked for. Never again!

I then chilled as normal in the car, walking, reading, running etc for like 3 or 4 days. Telling me family that I'm still working when really I wasn't. For some reason I knew something would come up. I was still applying everyday plus I knew Christmas was approaching soon.

I got a phone call from sky recruitment offering me a interview on monday at UFP for 3 months plus a chance of a permanent position. I was happy but didn't want to keep my Hopes up. Anyways after a nice weekend at Scarborough. Monday approached. And my interview went well. I got a call in couple of hours and was told I got the job. Again I'm not going to keep my hopes up. And see where this journey will take me. I hope this time around things work out.

[wjs-cofl]

Tarbiyah 11 April 2018

Tarbiyah 11 April 2018

Kelas pagi 10-11am.

Adhoc meeting with Madam Shukriyah @1.30pm.

Meeting until 4 pm.

Super tired.

Sleep a bit after Zuhur.

Woke up at 4.15 pm.

Checked phone just to hadap loads of unread WS.

Miss call from Juyee & Shahirah.

Just found out we have adhoc QC at hosp, gerak at 4.30pm.

Checked the clock, it's 4.20pm.

Can't even brain the tiredness and the sleepiness.

Just move and start going, ignoring the syaitonn.

Then called Shahirah what's up with the call.

Shahirah told that Ju Yee really wants me to be the sub exco for SRC.

Can't brain also for a good 5 mins while silat-ing sambil bersiap2.

Then adhoc decision to go with the SRC interview.

Glanced at the clock, it's 4.35 pm.

The SRC interview will close at 5pm.

Speed up my silat-ing to bersiap2.

At 4.45pm, hopped on Shahirah's car, went with the interview.

Had a good adhoc interview for 15 mins.

Thought I could do better but, it's fine becaise I think I did just enough for the interview. Wasn't expecting anything anyway. It's not the title that I want. It's the opportunity of want I can give to people.

Soon after finished interview, start the engine to the PPUKM.

Arrived at 6 pm.

Just nice timing as Kak Kathy also just finished her work.

Solat Asar. Had a little bit of light QC. Maghrib.

Gerak to Za'Ba futsal court.

Arrived at Za'Ba at 8.30.

Za'Ba Student Center are just SUPER COOL!

So nice to be UKM students! So happening!

Isyak at the super nice and comfy Za'Ba surau.

Start futsal at 9pm.

Played all out eventhough I didn't really know how to play.

Sprained my knees but who cares, it's the goal we aimed for.

First time to ever feel football is cool.

Akhawat futsal is even cooler.

So many akhawat otai joined! They're really good in futsal.

Learned so many tarbiyah.

Still struggling to voice out what my heart feels.

At the same time, realising how lacking I am, and how much more that I need to improve and overcome in order to be the best Jundullah.

It's 2.46am, wrote this.

While trying to remember the feelings, hopefully can fully write today's journal, tomorrow.

Got to puasa esok.

Night for now.

السلام عليكم