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#also i havent proofread this at all so apologies for that
peppermint-moss · 2 years
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Who/what is your biggest inspo for poetry or art?
aagh i dont think i'll ever have one biggest inspo for poetry n art i just have a lot of lads which i like specific things about + those likes are still always ongoing and changing lol (which btw ty for askin bout poetry cause i LOVE it n i never get asked abt poetry hehe)
I have a big ol google doc where i have lines of fav poetry i write down when i come across them (usually when im just scrollin the internets) and atm I've been noticing that a lot of lines i keep enjoying are all by Mary Oliver even tho i've yet to read her collection of poetry!!! so that's on my to-do list C: other poets who's names keep poppin up in that google doc are ocean vuong, richard siken, chen chen and uhh flatsound? they do more music but they've done some spoken word stuff and their songs just feel close enough to the realm of poetry to me u know
Art stuff... lol which medium?? /lh I really like thomas jordan's photography (the COLOURS my DUDE) mmm shelia berger's kinetic sculptures and KICKASS "Bird Show" encaustic paintings (i watched the rlly short like 5 min documentary on her and i was enraptured) Spencer finch has got a lot of cool conceptual art stuff like i think CIE 529 418 (CANDLELIGHT) is rlly cool!! Holly warb and @/vchienart both got some lovely lovely illustrations/paintings with soft beautiful colours... @/emilienunez has some really pretty and elegant yet v cute ceramics!! and @/soonthemoon some really like cute warm n cozy ones... Oof there's so many digital artists i love ;-; and i keep finding new cool lads aghh @catnippackets has such a good grasp on like form n shape if that makes sense?? like drawin people in these rlly fluid poses in like silky lineart aaa i found @milkdudz 's art recently and i LOVE their art style and their cats are just. perfect balance of spiky and soft n very very Cat which is so good @everydaylouie u gotta know louie right ?? how can someone make such lovely 2d and 3d art and music and also know how to code n make lil games. that is too much power for one soul to possess nifty-senpai's art n animations and designs ofc!! are incredible!! and i REALLY love their concepts for what the wc clan territories look like (this moonpool are you kidding me???? gorgeous) @thunderc1an's lineless art style my beloved...... yall clammorin about my lineless art style u GOTTA check out theirs so good (also the everchanging never the same designs for wc characters is so good so freeing so interesting to look at!!) SmallButera's animations omg... literally speechless (also have u seen their series baman piderman?? its so precious it might be on indefinite hiatus im not too sure but its still my favourite thing) chadisms, Riley Ellis, Asha Phaedra and Cherrydusk also got some BANGIN animation skills and o my god this post got so long n theres still so many ppl ive gots to stop and do homework LOL
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nataliesfirefly · 2 months
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You and I Walk a Fragile Line - Farleigh Start x F!Reader - Part 6
a/n: hey guys!! im so sorry this part has taken me so long! im currently on a trip so i havent had much time to write! but i hope this makes up for it, im super excited for yall to read this!!! also i think im going to plan for this series to have a few more chapters, probably max 9 or 10! i love it sm i really dont want it to end 😭 but anyways enjoyyy and comment what you think! and again i apologize if the smut is mid.. btw this is not proofread LMAO
series masterlist
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word count: 4.9k words
warnings: MDNI 18+, smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving), p in v, angst, language, smoking, afab reader
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You’re sitting in your bed, reading a magazine, when your flip phone rings. You lean forward to pick it up from the corner of the bed, wondering who could be calling you this late. You raise your eyebrows when you see that it’s Lola. You haven’t spoken to her since school got out. Nevertheless, you answer it and put the phone up to your ear.
“Lola! Hey,” You grin. “Oh my God, I’m so glad you picked up. I’m so bored around here,” She groans, and you smile even bigger at the sound of her voice on the other end. “Around where?” You ask curiously.
“My parents’. I have to babysit my younger sister all the time. It’s exhausting, really,” She moans. “I just want to like, go to a party or something. Honestly, I would even prefer to be going to classes right now instead of this.”
“Wow. That must mean it’s really bad then, huh?” You continue flipping through the magazine, your eyes scanning through the apparently trending fashion and makeup choices at the moment.
“Yes. Ugh. You’re at Saltburn, right?” She asks. “Yeah.” You reply.
“How’s that going?” Lola questions, and you hear another voice in the background that sounds like her, only higher-pitched. “No, I’m on the phone. Go away. Shoo,”
You try not to snicker at her shooing away her little sister. “It’s…” You trail off, trying to decide the right way to describe how the summer is going so far for you. “I don’t know. Different.”
“How so?” You pause and wonder if you should tell her what’s been going on. You decide it’s probably better not to and keep some things to yourself.
“I think it’s just cause we’re growing up. I mean, we graduate in less than two years.” You shrug and reach over to grab your glass of wine. “Oh God, don’t remind me. My parents are still asking me what my plans are,” She sighs loudly.
“I can’t believe it.” You shake your head and close the magazine, uninterested in the latest celebrity drama. An idea suddenly forms in your mind.
“Hey, the Cattons are throwing one of their big summer parties in a few days. I could invite you?” You suggest. You hear Lola gasp. “Really?! I’d love to go. I’ve heard so many stories about the Saltburn parties.” She makes it sound so dramatic, and you giggle.
“And you’d get a chance to see Felix,” You grin as you hear her jumping around. “Yeah, I would! You don’t need to convince me any further. I’ll be there,” She pauses. “Wait, but they’ll let me come, right?”
“Oh, of course. They like me a lot, so I’m sure they won’t mind.” You assure her. “Okay, perfect. Thank you so much, my love. I’ll let you get some sleep. See you soon!” She squeals excitedly and you roll your eyes with a smile as she hangs up.
You set down your phone and sigh, looking around your dim room.
You haven’t been able to get Farleigh out of your mind since your little… moment two nights ago. He’s not avoiding you, but he’s not being nice either. He’s gone back to teasing you and embarrassing you in front of the Cattons. You should’ve known that if you got too close, he’d pull away and return to his old ways.
But every little glance you two share has your stomach fluttering and your heart pounding. Every insult meant to hurt or offend you has the opposite effect. In some depraved way, you like when he degrades you. The past two nights, you’ve laid awake and stared up at the ceiling, trying to relive that night when he made you feel so good. Just the thought of him had your mind reeling. You would do anything just to feel that way again. You’re hooked.
You can’t just keep wallowing in these feelings. You want to talk to him, work things out, and go back to how they used to be a week ago. More importantly, you just want to be in his presence. It gives you some kind of thrill to be around him. It’s like a game of roulette to see which version of him you’ll get each time, and you love it. You crave his attention.
You climb off of your large bed and walk determinedly to your door, opening it quietly and sneaking down the hallway. It’s quite a long walk to Farleigh’s room, but you don’t care. You pass Felix’s room, then Venetia’s. Both of their lights are out, telling you that everyone in the house is probably asleep by now. You can only hope and pray that Farleigh isn’t.
You eventually find yourself standing in front of his room. Dim light peeks through from under his door, and you sigh with relief. He’s still awake. Your decision catches up to you and you realize how stupid it is that you’re about to knock on his door. You shake your head to clear your doubt, raising your hand and gently knocking.
You hear his bed shifting and footsteps following close after. You swallow nervously, your throat suddenly feeling dry. Your heart races with anticipation as he finally opens the door.
Fuck. He’s shirtless with only a pair of sweatpants on. Your eyes trail down subconsciously before you blink and look back up to his face. Is he wearing underwear?
“Hello,” He says, his grin foxlike. “I can’t sleep. Can we talk?” You ask, your voice shaky. You curse yourself for sounding nervous. He crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows. “Talk about what?” He questions.
You pause, unsure of what to say next. What were you going to talk about? He would deny any feelings towards you, so what was the point of even coming here?
“Just let me in, please.” You step forward and avoid his gaze. He steps to the side wordlessly, opening the door further to let you into his room.
You breathe in the familiar scent of that candle he’s always burning, and the scent of his cologne. It’s musky and spicy, with notes of vanilla. You tried to memorize it everytime you were close to him. You walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge, looking up at him as he closes the door behind him.
“Can I have a cigarette?” You ask, pointing to the pack sitting on his bedside table. He nods, and you carefully take one. He hands you the lighter.
He stares down at you as you light the cigarette, taking a drag from it. He chuckles to himself and you exhale, furrowing your eyebrows. “What’s funny?”
“You always said you hated the smell. Yet here you are, asking me for a cigarette,” He replies with a scoff. “Maybe you’re just a bad influence,” You shoot back, and his smile slightly fades.
You can see his eyes traveling down your body, lingering on your thighs and your bare legs. You had outgrown these sleep shorts, but you never cared because you figured no one would see you in them. Well, there goes that.
“Are we not going to talk about the other night?” You mutter. “What’s there to talk about?” He replies, and you roll your eyes. “Are you-” You pause and let out a frustrated breath. “Are you serious?” You exclaim angrily.
“You can’t blame it on being drunk this time, Farleigh.” You tell him, and he freezes, his gaze faltering downwards.
“Can we not talk about that? Let’s just…” He sighs with exasperation and sits next to you. You turn away from him, looking out the window. You decide not to press the issue, since it’s apparently too much for him to think about right now. Honestly, you aren’t even able to fully process what’s been going on between you two.
“Let’s just… talk,” He says finally, and you face him again, exhaling a small cloud of smoke. “Okay.” You shrug. It’s what you both do best: Talking. About anything and everything, despite the strange history of your relationship. You guessed that it was because you had known each other for so long, that it just came naturally. He’s just… real. He’s never pretending or putting on a façade, at least around you he’s not. Around the Cattons, he has to, because to them he’s just the wild child, the comedic relief, the American. You feel like you are the only one that gets to see the real Farleigh, and it feels like a privilege. But you know that’s not true, and you choose to believe it anyway.
“So… Our third year at Oxford,” Farleigh says. You let out a breath and raise your eyebrows. “Can’t believe it’s already been two years,” You both smile, thinking of all the good and bad memories you’ve made so far during your years at university.
“Can I be honest?” You ask, and he nods. “I’m scared.” You say simply. His eyebrows knit together. “Of what?” He replies. “Graduating. You know, I’ll probably go to graduate school or something, but I need to start making my own money. Get a job. Do adult things,” You sigh just at the thought of all the responsibilities. “I can’t be on a scholarship forever. Or have my parents pay forever,” You continue, shaking your head. “I’m putting them through enough as it is.”
Farleigh nods again with a look of understanding. “I might go back to the states. See my mom, maybe stay there for a while.” He says. You can’t help but feel a little sad at the thought of him being away for so long. You hate to admit it, but you would miss him.
“But we don’t have to worry about that right now. You’re too uptight. Let yourself have fun,” He nudges you softly. “I’m trying,” You mutter. “Well, you’re smoking. That’s one step closer,” He laughs a bit and you roll your eyes.
It goes quiet and you stare down into your lap. You can feel his eyes on you, and your heart begins to race with anticipation. That familiar tension returns in the air between you and Farleigh.
You look up slightly, his eyes meeting with yours. Your stomach churns as you look down to see his hand inching towards your thigh, eventually resting on top of it. “I know why you came here,” He says, his voice lowered.
You look back up to him. “What?” You whisper. “Don’t play dumb,” He shakes his head. “I’m not.” You reply, trying hard not to break the intense eye contact.
You gulp nervously and finally look away, your face giving you away and burning red. “Hmm,” He hums, his thumb brushing across your thigh. You try to distract yourself by pressing the cigarette out on the ashtray on his bedside table, watching the little flame burn out.
He gently reaches up and grabs your chin, tilting your head back towards him. He drags his thumb down your bottom lip as you stare into his eyes. He grins slightly before moving his hand to cup your cheek, leaning in closer until your noses brush together. You know you shouldn’t be doing this. You know Farleigh is emotionally unavailable and toxic, and he won’t ever discuss his feelings or yours. But you can’t help but melt into the kiss, his touch, his aura. It’s like he’s magnetic, pulling you in everytime you try to pull away.
Somehow, every single time he kisses you, it’s better than the first time. Your tongues intertwine as your lips move in a perfect rhythm while both of you fall back onto his bed clumsily. One of his hands tangles in your hair, and the one that was resting on your leg moves up to rest on your waist, his fingers caressing your bare skin due to your tank top riding up. He eventually shifts his position so that he’s on top of you, and you turn to lay on your back underneath him.
His kisses begin to move down to your jawline, then your neck. He sucks and licks your skin so cruelly, but you don’t want him to stop. You breathe in the scent of his hair, his curls tickling your face, and you can already feel yourself becoming weak again.
You feel his hands start to trail down your body, resting on your hips, as he moves down the bed and you peer down to see him looking up at you from between your legs. Feverish heat burns across your skin just at the sight of it.
“Wait, wait. I’ve never-“ You start, suddenly feeling nervous. “It’s okay,” Farleigh replies, his eyes soft and warm as he gazes up at you. “Just relax,” He murmurs, gently pulling down your shorts and panties at the same time, shuffling them off your legs.
Just relax, you think. Easier said than done. You’ve pictured this moment so many times in the past few days, and you can’t believe it’s becoming reality.
And of all the times you’ve fantasized about this, none of them could ever do Farleigh’s beauty justice. His dark eyes are shining with something of lust and hunger, his plush lips slightly parted and his shoulders broad and golden. His curly hair is only slightly wet from his shower earlier, yet still perfectly coiled.
He looks up at you, trying to convey something through his gaze. “So pretty,” He mutters, tracing a finger along your thigh. Your breath catches in your throat and you feel your stomach fluttering already.
He lifts your legs up and places them over his shoulders. Your heart pounds in anticipation and you can hear yourself breathing among the silence.
Farleigh leans down and presses a few kisses along your inner thigh, and you don’t know how much longer you can stand his teasing. You watch him gaze up at you through his lashes as he dips a finger into your wetness and you see the smirk that tugs at his lips. He raises his eyebrows at you and your face turns red. “Stop,” You cover your face with both hands, your stomach doing flips. You can’t handle how perfect he looks right now, even as he teases you for how soaked you are already.
“Hey, look at me,” He says, his deep voice vibrating against your skin. You let your hands fall back to your sides, smiling shyly. His expression turns more serious as he furrows his brows, slipping his finger inside of you. He moans before you even can, his head falling against your thigh.
That familiar stretch around his finger has your mind reeling as you throw your head back. He pulls it out and you whimper at the loss, until you feel his middle and ring finger on your clit. Your hands instinctively move to grasp the sheets as he strokes your bundle of nerves perfectly, letting your head fall back down to watch him. He continues to maintain eye contact and it makes you so weak.
Your brain almost turns to mush as you see him leaning down, his head buried between your legs. A moan louder than you intended leaves your mouth as you feel his tongue greedily licking a stripe up your pussy.
“Shit,” You huff, your chest heaving up and down. No one had ever given you head before, until now, so you didn’t really understand your girlfriends when they would tell you how amazing it felt. But now, you completely get it. His tongue moves in long, slow strokes and his pretty nose nudges perfectly against your clit.
He barely lifts his head so he can stare up at you to watch your reaction. You grind up against his face, your hand reaching down to grab a handful of his curls. He groans at the feeling before inserting a finger again, moving at the perfect pace along with his tongue. The combination is enough to make your legs shake. The lewd sounds of him lapping up your cum and both of your wanton moans echo throughout his room.
“Farleigh!” You almost scream his name before letting out a long, drawn out moan. He glances up at you once more, his pupils huge with lust. He moans against you as he absolutely devours you, adding a second finger in. His long fingers brush against that divine spot inside of you and you whimper helplessly, your other hand gripping his sheets as if it could help ground you somehow. That delicious heat builds in the base of your stomach, spreading like a fire.
“I’m gonna-“ You gasp for air, your chest heaving up and down. His eyes are half-lidded and he seems completely lost in the moment, just absolutely pussy drunk. “Let go,” He says, his voice deep and raspy.
And you do exactly that. The pleasure shoots through your veins like a drug, your grasp in his hair tightening and your hips rolling as you ride it out. You eventually come down from your high, letting your legs drop from his shoulders as you let out a shaky sigh, your heart still pounding against your ribs.
“Fuckk,” You breathe out, resting your head against the pillow. Farleigh crawls over you, leaning down to kiss you. The lower half of his face is covered in your slick, but you couldn’t care less. He kisses you passionately, desperately, groaning into your mouth. You can taste yourself on his lips and his tongue, and it just turns you on even more.
He pulls away, his lips hovering over yours. You look up at him and suddenly feel an indescribable desire wash over you as you stare into his deep brown eyes. It’s like you can’t get close enough to him, like you need more than everything he’s already given you. You want him inside of you. You want to feel every part of him. You want him to feel every part of you.
“Farleigh,” You whisper, reaching up to touch his face. “What is it?” He whispers back, lightly touching your own face.
“I want you,” You say. You don’t care how stupid you sound right now. This carnal desire has completely taken over you.
“In what way?” He replies, smirking smugly. “I think you know which way I mean,” You mutter. You don’t have time for his teasing, although you love it.
His expression softens and he seems to understand what you mean. “Please, I need you,” You can’t believe you’re begging for Farleigh of all people right now. You know you’ll be regretting it later. His eyes widen and he seems shocked by your confession.
“Far…” You whisper, tracing your finger along his lips. He opens his mouth to speak, hesitating slightly.
“Do you know what you do to me?” He asks, his voice soft. You look up at him and tilt your head. He takes your hand and guides it down below his waist while still looking down at you. You gasp softly when you feel that his dick is so hard underneath his sweatpants. It has to be painful. You slowly rub your hand against him and his eyebrows draw together as he stutters slightly, and it almost looks like he’s in pain.
“Baby-“ Farleigh whimpers. “Please,” You beg once again, and he nods, quickly taking his pants off and throwing them somewhere on the floor of his bedroom. You look down at his dick, and you have to keep your jaw from dropping.
It’s definitely the biggest you’ve seen, and although you haven’t seen many in your lifetime, you know he would be considered above average. It’s long, with a bit of girth to it, veiny and already leaking precum from the tip. You feel yourself starting to get nervous. You aren’t sure if you could even take all of it, but hell, you’re going to try. You hope he didn’t pick up on your reaction, because you know he would tease you over it.
He places his hands on either side of your head and leans down onto his elbows. He never takes his eyes off yours as he positions himself. You wrap your legs around his waist, letting your ankles rest on his back.
He slowly begins to slide in, and you grunt quietly at the pain. He goes a bit deeper before you panic and place a hand on his lower stomach, stopping him. “I can’t-“ You wince in pain.
“Yes, you can. You can take it,” He nods and brushes the side of your face with his fingers. He takes your hand off of his stomach gently and places your arm back onto the bed. You nod in an attempt to encourage yourself, gritting your teeth to withstand the pain. You reach up to his shoulders, resting your hands on his shoulder blades, trying to keep your nails from digging into his skin as you hold onto him.
“Fuck,” Farleigh grunts as your walls grip him tightly, sucking him in. Eventually he’s buried inside of you to the hilt, and you can feel every inch of him. You’re still trying to adjust to his size, and the pain is slowly subsiding as he groans and drops his head and closes his eyes. You press your hips up against his, trying to get him to start moving. “Far,” You mutter. You can tell he’s trying to hold back. He breathes heavily and opens his eyes again, gazing into yours.
“I’m ready,” You whisper. His eyebrows knit together as he rolls his hips slowly, causing your eyes to roll back and drawing a short moan out of you. He shudders, slightly pulling out of you before thrusting back in. You wonder how he’s so good at this as your nails dig crescent moons into his back with each slow thrust and roll of his hips. Your mouth falls open and you try to be quieter but it’s no use.
He buries his head into the crook of your neck, his curls tickling your face. He’s whimpering and moaning your name and other incoherent nonsense right into your ear. He sets a beautiful rhythm, his bed creaking underneath you as you sink into the plush of the mattress. You think you hear the headboard hitting the wall but you don’t care about the loud sounds you two are creating. You just don’t want this moment to end.
He looks back up to you and you can see he’s already fucked out. His eyes are even more glazed over than before and sex sweat forms on his brow. He whimpers helplessly and pants heavily. “You’re so good,” He breathes. “So, so good,” You could probably cum just from his words alone.
You let out a wanton moan as he hits that spot again, deep inside of you. “Oh, fuck!” You gasp and claw at his shoulders. He drops his head again, kissing your neck as he thrusts into you faster and deeper each time, hitting your spot over and over once he’s found it.
“Yeah, that’s it,” He groans against your neck and you feel tears brimming in your eyes. “Farleigh- It’s-“ You can’t seem to form words, your brain turned to sizzling hot liquid. “I know, I know,” He whimpers, his voice slightly higher pitched and breathless. You try to hold on longer, but you’re already coming undone as your orgasm hits you sooner than you expected. Your body stills and you clench even harder around him. He moans, that pained expression crossing his face once again. “Oh God,” He chokes out, his thrusts beginning to become less steady.
“Where should I-“ Farleigh pants. “Inside,” You tell him. You’re on birth control, but you don’t have the mental capacity to explain that to him or explain why. His hips stutter and he stiffens, finishing inside of you, the warm feeling spreading throughout your lower stomach. He collapses on top of you, his head on your chest, resting on the soft fabric of your shirt.
You’re already sleepy and physically exhausted from what just took place. You breathe in his scent one more time and let out a sigh, staring up at the ceiling and trying to process what you just did. Then he’s wrapping his arms around you gently before pulling out of you slowly. You grunt a bit, feeling a dull ache between your legs, but you can’t help but miss the feeling of him inside of you.
He adjusts the both of you so that you’re both laying on your side, allowing you to stretch out a bit and cuddle up to him, tucking your head in the crook of his neck. He holds you, and for a moment, it feels like a real relationship. Something you had never experienced. Something deep. Something real. And then you remember that it’s not. After this, he will go back to avoiding you and acting like he can’t stand you. You just wish that he would put his pride away and admit to you what he really feels. But what does he really feel? Are you stupid for thinking that there’s something here?
Farleigh strokes his fingers through your hair, brushing away some of the strands plastered onto your forehead by your sweat. He seems to notice your silence.
“You’re thinking too much,” He says, his voice beautifully hoarse. You sigh, relaxing your shoulders. “Am I?” You reply, your voice weaker than you thought it would be.
“Just sleep here tonight,” He mutters, resting his chin on top of your head. You so badly want to ask him to be serious and have an actual conversation with you about your… relationship.
“Okay… but we need to talk about this,” You respond quietly. He sighs and shifts a bit, careful not to move you too much. “We can in the morning,” He says, but you know that won’t happen. You’ll just have to settle for no answers to your questions for the time being.
You curl up closer to him and let your eyes close, breathing slowly and peacefully. “Goodnight,” You murmur. “Night,” He replies, sounding just as tired as you are. You drift off to sleep in Farleigh Start’s arms.
ONE YEAR EARLIER
You were usually on okay terms with Farleigh. But you remember exactly when the dislike turned into hatred.
It was right before end of term exams and Felix convinced you to go to the pub to blow off some steam and relax after all your revising. You reluctantly agreed, then regret your decision when you saw Farleigh and Sasha there.
It was pretty far into the evening and you were beginning to get sleepy. You had spaced out for a moment, staring out the window and watching the snow fall before you heard something that peaked your interest.
“I mean, Felix, you have got to settle down,” Farleigh chuckled and nudged Sasha, pointing his cigarette at Felix.
Felix grinned stupidly and shrugged. “Listen, mate. I’ve tried.” Some other friends of his joined in with the laughter.
You sat up and leaned forward, facing Farleigh. “You’re one to comment on relationships,” You said, raising an eyebrow. Everyone else sort of quieted down after hearing your words.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Farleigh rolled his eyes at you and Sasha just glared. “You and Sasha. You’re dysfunctional.” You responded, unafraid to challenge him.
“Excuse me?” Sasha looked at you like you just committed a hate crime. “Yeah. He cheats on you, you cheat on him, you get back together, blah blah blah.” You took a sip of your beer and shrugged. “It’s gone on for almost a year now. It’s exhausting,”
Farleigh chuckled. “Ohh, you want to come after my relationship?” He smirked as if he was cooking up a plan in his mind of how to humiliate you best.
“Well, I bet you would like everyone to know that you lost your virginity to Joshua Brown,” Farleigh said, loud enough for even people from other tables to hear. A small chorus of gasps echoed across the room.
“You’re desperate, easy, and sloppy. You take anyone who wants you. I guess that’s what happens when you get no attention before you go to college, hm?” He just kept going, and the whole room went silent
“I’ve seen you walk out of so many dorms at six in the morning, it’s insane. You can’t even keep a fucking man,” Farleigh’s tone was harsher and colder than you’d ever heard before. Felix was staring at you in shock and Sasha was giving you that judgemental look.
You looked around to see all the pairs of eyes on you. “Fucking hell, Farleigh,” Felix muttered, shaking his head at him.
You stood up and grabbed your bag hastily, storming out of the pub with tears in your eyes. Why was he such a bitch? Why did he hate you?
Your reputation was officially ruined. All that time, he never told anyone about your situation with Joshua. Until now. He was doing so well. The whole class thought you were an innocent and pure, high achieving student, and now what would they think? You wish you didn’t care so much about how others perceive you, but you do.
You hated Farleigh. You hated him for ruining your reputation and your image. It was impossible to get him back or do something worse, since basically everyone knew he was a slut. But he got praised for it.
Ever since that night at the pub, other students would look at you sideways and whisper things about you as if you couldn’t hear them.
Fuck you, Farleigh. You decided you were officially done with him and your weird friendship. Even if that meant having to avoid him at every cost.
taglist: @isla-finke-blog @ibimbogrl @drunkmysticsquirrel @alonia-olivia @novemilady @saltburnsworld @florkt @i-love-ptv
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deanswhiskey · 5 days
Text
𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 - 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫
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summary; its sams birthday and his wish comes true
wc; 1,113
warnings; nothing but some kisses
authors note; AAAAHHHHH IM SO SORRY I HAVENT POSTED IN AGES BUT I WANTED TO PUT OUT SOMETHING FOR SAMS BIRTHDAY AND IK ITS LATE BUT OH WELL i promise ill start writing more when i'm done with this semester :))) also this is proofread bc i rushed to put this out apologies for any mistakes
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the late, late night of may 1st was spent alone in the kitchen. you were so graciously baking your best friend sam a beautiful birthday cake.
since arriving to the bunker and having a ginormous kitchen all to yourselves, you thought it’d be a great idea to start baking and cooking again. being on the road, hunting monsters, you never got the chance to cook or bake. the only cooking you ever did was heating up some frozen dinners for everyone from the store.
not that you minded, sometimes they were good; but nothing, nothing, ever beats a home cooked meal. and to top it all off, homemade dessert.
that’s why when you all settled into the bunker, you went on a big grocery spree and bought almost everything in the store.
the very first meal you cooked was fettuccine alfredo with chicken. something your mother used to make all the time when you were younger and have loved ever since.
when sam and dean walked into the kitchen they couldn’t help but notice the divine aroma.
“‘m my god, what’s that smell,” dean asked searching around for what could be it.
you moved out of the way of the stove to show them a view of the food, “it’s fettuccine alfredo and chicken. it’s almost ready, fo you two wanna set the table?”
they both nodded with enthusiasm, getting plates and forks and knives and set them on the table nearby.
the noodles, sauce, and chicken were finally done and incorporated. you took the pan and a large spoon to scoop it with and headed over to the boys who looked like they were about to start eating from the pan. as soon as the food hit their plates they wasted no time digging in. you chuckled as you watched them almost eat it whole.
that night marked the start of some of the best food sam and dean had eaten.
so now you were baking and decorating the most extravagant looking cake for the man you were secretly in love with.
you don’t know when it happened but something changed and you no longer wanted to just be friends; you wanted more. more than just a quick side hug when celebrating, more than just high fives. you wanted whole, endearing hugs; you wanted to interlink hands and never let go.
the cake you were baking you surly knew sam would like. it’s his favorite cake flavor and a beautiful frosting color. you even added ruffled borders on the top and bottom and near perfect lettering on the top. this cake was made with love.
it was 11:49 pm when you finished and you had flour in your hair, frosting on your shirt, and excess batter on the counter. the cake was put in the fridge to chill over night and the kitchen was finally cleaned 10 minutes later. you quickly showered before hopping into bed with a small smile on your face knowing your best friend would be so happy with everything.
morning came and you and dean had to be the first ones up to set out everything. dean went out to buy balloons (that you and dean so tiresomely blew up) and banners to hand from the walls. he also set out the few presents the two of you bought, even after sam said he didn’t want anything (you both knew you were gonna buy him something anyways), and you set out the cake with the candles, lighting the fee of them up.
sam walked into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!” he jumped at the two of you screaming.
after his scare went away, his eyes lit up like a child at their very own birthday. he rushed over to you thanking the both of you for doing this. he glanced at the cake, “did you make this?”
“with love,” you nodded.
“make a wish, brother,” dean patted his back. sam closed his eyes thinking, he knew exactly what we was going to wish for. he bent down slightly and blew out the candles. you didn’t bother with making breakfast because you knew cake for breakfast would excite anyone.
sam was very giddy to open up his presents. he was ever so thankful for the few new flannels, nice watch, and a new belt you guys gave him.
the three of you sat in the movie room and watched a bunch of old movies. sam has grown very fond of old films. he likes western ones the most.
it was getting late and dean decided that he’d had enough of movies and was feeling sleepy.
now it was just you and sam, on the couch, in the movie room, alone.
the movie was at a slow part, just the main two characters talking in an old western barn.
“did you have a good day?” you turned to sam.
he looks over at you, he loves that smile on your face. “i had probably one of the best days ever. that cake? phenomenal, probably the best thing you’ve baked.”
you blushed and looked down. after a moment of silence you looked up again, sam still looking at you, “what’d you wish for?”
“i cant tell you that,” he chuckled.
“c’mon,” you dragged out.
“no, i can’t!”
“please, for me” queue the big puppy dog eyes.
how could he resist those eyes? “fine, but you can’t get upset.”
why would you get upset?
sams heart is racing. “i wished for you.”
“me?”
“mhm, you.”
“wh- i- why me?”
“because you’re all i’ve ever wanted.”
you were speechless. “sam, i-”
“you don’t have to say anything, it’s okay.”
the saddened look on his face broke you’re heart. “listen to me sam,” you started to smile. “i feel the same way. i mean it when i said that cake was made with love.”
a smile grew on his face. “can i kiss you now?”
it felt like you couldn’t breathe, “yeah,” it came out as a whisper.
sam gently cupped one side of your face as he drew in closer. his lips brushed yours before he fully smashed his lips to yours.
you’ve dreamed on this moment for a while. it was more than you could’ve ever imagined. his lips were soft. he tasted slightly of whiskey that the three of you sipped on earlier and it was perfect.
“my birthday wish finally came true,” sam says just above a whisper.
“good, i’m glad.” you smiled.
the two of you fell asleep on the couch with the old western movie quietly playing in the background. both you and sam fell asleep with a smile on your face in each others arms.
⛥ ⛥ ⛥
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marcvensketches · 1 year
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hey everyone! its been a while.. first of all i would like to say thank you to all of the people who still follow me, even though i have been inactive on tumblr for who knows how long at this point!
for those who do not know, I am in my senior year, applying for college (hopefully by the end of this year lol) and desiring to major in animation/illustration. I have been in the process of working on my portfolio and havent been able to say this sooner and post much on all platforms which i apologize for.
you also may or may not have realized that there are a lot of posts on my blog here that have been deleted. this is because i decided to renew my accunt. instead of a trolls art tumblr account, its going to be an account where i post all the stuff i have been working on for the past year,.
. if any of you didn't feel like reading all of this (which i totally get cause i dont like to read either and didnt even proofread this lol) from now on I will post concept art for a story i am working on and hopefully will make animatics/storyboards/full-on animations when i learn how to animate. and i will post all videos on here before posting them on youtube as well.. i will make sure yall will be the first ones to see ! <3
I do have a youtube account (feegagsart) but it may get deleted when i turn eighteen and/or start going to college,right now im not sure at this point,. so for now please follow me on my instagram for updates (marcven_sketches)
thank you :) <33
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enhabot · 3 years
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𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗯𝗼𝘁. ─  04 [ the girls are fighting. ]            𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕. 494 ──────────
would you consider yourself to be a violent person? not at all. even your friends conclude that you’d much rather solve issues at hand with words rather than with fists. a true mediator at heart, if you did say so yourself.  
yet, truth be told, you really do have a strong urge to curb-stomp yang jungwon in the shin right now. you have to give it to him, though; he’s really good at bringing out the worst in you.
“what’s your problem?” you spat. jungwon just rolls his eyes and shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. how goddamn annoying.
a few beats of silence have already passed when he finally decides to speak. “i should be asking you the same thing.”
you let out another scoff. “okay, first of all. i already apologized for what happened. i admitted that it was my fault, and offered to switch courses— not once, not twice, but four fucking times! get over yourself.” you can feel the frustration begin to bubble to the surface, like a volcano that’s on the verge of eruption. whatever composition you had left was starting to slowly disperse and leave your body.
you can tell that jungwon also feels a similar level of irritation when he looks at you with an unfriendly gaze. “we couldn’t have switched courses even if you wanted to,” he huffs. “you asked me way too late.”
you want to scream at him and tug the strands of your hair. how fucking infuriating can he be? “maybe because you wouldn’t give me your damn number. i literally had to get it from jay,” you exasperate.
jungwon narrows his eyes at you, a grimace pulling at the corners of his mouth. you hear him mutter something along the lines of, “would you want to give your number to some person who fucked you over because they can’t do their job properly?” a puff of cold air escapes his lips as he lets out an annoyed sigh. “anyways, aren’t you the one who needs to get over yourself and realize that not everybody is going to like you? you’re so pretentious.” 
you pause, processing his words, letting them play in your head over and over again; your mind has come to resemble a broken record player.  aren’t you the one who needs to get over yourself and realize that not everybody is going to like you?
jungwon figures that he must’ve hit a sour spot, because he notices your expression falter for a split second before it reverts back into its hardened state. “piss off, yang. what the hell do you know about me? i hope that i’ll never have the misfortune of seeing you and your nasty, two-faced self, again.” without another glance, you trudge off into the distance, ignoring the amused stares of his friends and angry stream of tears running down your reddened cheeks.  
you’re going to make yang jungwon eat his words one day.
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆.    ever since the day you accidentally screwed over yang jungwon’s course selection during freshmen year, you were pretty sure the guy disliked (if not absolutely hated) you. after several failed, uncomfortable attempts to get jungwon to forgive you, you settled that it would be much easier if the feelings remained mutual. thus, you avoided him at all costs! you treated him as if he had something along the lines of a nasty case of the bubonic plague. surprisingly, it went pretty well… until you ended up seated next to yang jungwon in a cramped lecture hall. oh boy, did i mention that you also have a group project to do with him? ah yes, these next three weeks will be fun.
𝗮𝗻.               ngl i didn’t proofread this so im sorry if this sucks booty butt 😭 i also havent written anything in a HOT minute so lmk if y’all don’t want anymore written parts, i’ll understand 💪💪😩 anyways, another part will be released today so stay tuned! 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁         @yjwooon @yangyanghq @lumixen @instahann @sleepy-paws @plshhhhhhh @ncityy04 @2cool4y0u @wonionie @youreverydayzebra @reallysmolrenjun @strawberryyukhei @studioreader @clear-color-hair @alo-ehas @hobistigma @notrosemary @sunysunoo @whoe-dis @jayparkfromenhypen @k1ttyl1x @mikaa7 @ivswonie @ghjasksdk @enhyseob [ open ] ────────── [ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃. | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁. | 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ] ───
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sweethvnny · 3 years
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wilbur helping an s/o through their period
request? yes | no
HI BAE YOU ASKED FOR WILBUR REQ SO can I get an fix where the reader is on their period and just going through hell and back (because same :'-) ) anyways ty!!!!
genre: fluff, romantic, irl, fem, they/them pronouns
warnings: none
notes: kinda rushed caused i havent posted in weeks:/ not proofread
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he would know some things but at the same time he wouldn't
wilbur would know that you leak blood once a month and it hurts, that's all. he wouldn't really know how to take care of you
water and hugs are the first things that come to mind when he's trying to help you
"here, drink this. it might help ypu feel better"
wilbur would do anything he could to help you. you want to be alone? okay. you want him to be there with you? okay.
just tell him and he'll be there for you:)
though, there are some cons.
sometimes he'll be too rough, meaning when he's meant to be gentle, he's rough / he can mess up, a lot
like one time you asked him to massage your back and he accidently pressed on you too hard which caused you to feel even worse
amother time is when you asked for water and he accidently spilled it on you
but both times he apologized profusely and tried to make it up to you any way he could think of
also!! he would be one to remember what kind of pads/tampons you need
heavy flow?? hes gotchu
wilbur might also be the type to remember what brands you don't/do like
he would watch movies shows with you if you're up to it. je'll even watch it even if its lame/ he hates it
if you watch something he hates he might go on a 20 minute discussion on why he hates it so much
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technowoah · 3 years
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thinking about angst prompt 'you're right. you're useless' with c!jschlatt where all reader does is try to help him and they eventually get to a breaking point because all they do it give and give and give and get nothing in return so schlatt just turns around and scares the fuck out of them :D
Have a Heart
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You end up helping Schlatt after hating his guts. And even though you give every thing to your new president he dosent seem to fucking care
- c!schlatt x reader
- gender neutral reader!
- prompt: 25) "You're right. You are useless" (angst list)
⚠︎: swearing, drinking, smoking, angst, mentions of vomit, c!dream makes an appearance 🤭 not proofread
An// I LOVE THIS SCENARIO UGHH! THANKS FOR REQUESTING AS WELL BUB! I HOPE YOU ENJOY!
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"Where's my fucking decree at?!"
"It's in my room Schlatt, please stop yelling." You tried to calm the ram-man down by talking calmer than him, but it only seemed to rile him up more.
"In your room?! Sounds like another fucking excuse that you didn't even finish them." Schlatt waved around his hands which one of them contained a lit cigarette in them. "Look at Tubbo he re-wrote one of my decrees before the festival, which is tomorrow may I add, and gave it to me. You havent even done anything I asked you." He scoffed.
You closed your eyes and held back a huge eye roll. You had done everything that Schlatt asked you to do, the decree was actually sitting on your desk in your room. This has been happening ever since Schlatt became president. He was more nicer, well as nice as Schlatt can get, but now he's been drinking like a moster and it never fails that he shows up to an important meeting drunk and makes you and Tubbo do all the work while Quackity and George are running free doing God knows what.
You had been loyal to Schlatt even when you didn't want to be, you had swallowed your pride along time ago. Every. Single. Task you do. And Every. Single. Time you get more put down that you already do.
Your head was hung low while he still spoke. "Hey! Were you listening to me shithead?! I need those papers by tonight!" Schlatt dug his finger into your chest pushing you back a little.
"Also get me my beer and bring it to the meeting room because apparently that's all you're good for." He finally left the long hallway, stumbling a bit as he walked.
You let out a sigh you didn't know you were holding until you saw him walk away. You walked away to find Schlatg that beer and try to put on a smile for the meeting you are currently dreading. Quickly you stopped by your room to grab the stack of paper Schlatt was yelling about earlier and grabbed a beer from a random room. Schlatt always has alcohol and cigarettes in every room just in case he needs one.
Dragging your feet along the marble floored hallways you mad your way to the meeting room. You didn't want to get there first or even last so your mind switched up from speed walking to continuing your slow pace. You started to walk faster when you heard footsteps behind you.
"Hey!"
You turned around to see Tubbo waving behind you. You stopped in your pursuit to greet your friend.
"Hey Tubbo!"
"Going to the meeting I see." He smiled.
"Sadly yes." You sighed. "I already got yelled at twice today so-"
"Hey! It's better than three!"
"Tubbo!"
"Im sorry! But am I wrong?" Tubbo laughed a little.
"Well I wish it was zero. I give everything to that bastard and I get nothing." You breathed out.
"Really?! I get a lot of-" Tubbo stopped talking after the shock on your face was prominent. "You know what nevermind!" He waved off.
"Of course he would favor you." You walked off keeping a brisk pace with Tubbo apologizing for Schlatt's favoritism right behind you.
Once you reached the door to the meeting room you slowly opened the door to be greeted with, once again, a drunken president and his right hand man looking smug as ever when he had no right to be.
Schlatt's cabinet was a mess. Quackity was only the vice president because he partnered with Schlatt and George became, well, the vice president to the vice president. George was barely around anyways. Then Tubbo and you came from L'Manburg, hating Schlatt's guts at firsy you two learned to be okay with the treatment. And while apparently, Tubbo had better treatment than you, you still gave that president everything you had.
Everything you worked for was for that drunken man sitting at the head of the table. You basically devoted your life to him, writing decrees that represents Schlatts policies because "you dare not write something Wilbur would". You had pulled him from sleeping at his desk at nights, cleaned up his spilled wine and beer, picked up cigarettes from the clean marble floors. He pushed you around and you let it happen too, some people woukd say you've become weak and they were sadly right.
"Aye! Look who it is!" Schlatt slurred his words together. "There's my beer!"
"And your decrees!" You plopped the papers down on the desk as he snatched the beer bottle out of your hand.
"You have an attitude with me?" Schlatt asked quickly.
"No! No why?"
"'Cause you just threw my decrees on the table like they are some sort of scrap." Schlatt tried to find the right words. "Some sort of shit like its not important! Fuckin' have some nerve huh?"
You didn't respond and went to go sit by Tubbo across from Quackity. Schlatt apparently noticed and took it upon himself to say something.
"Asshole! You gonna respond to me?! I am your president!"
You fought the urge to snap back at him so you bit your lip as he continues to yell and make everyone in the room uncomfortable, even Quackity.
"Dammit!" Schlatt slammed the table. "Fuck you! I could kill you! I have so much power over you! I can control everyone in this damned kingdom that I'm second best to! This kingdom was owned by a tyrant! I saved all of you! And all you have to do is respond!"
He stood up during half of his breakdown, but you didn't know when. You could hear every single word he said, but your eyes were threatening to spill tears and you could feel Tubbo's hand grab yours underneath the table.
Schlatt huffed smoothed put his suit and sat back down in his chair.
"So! We're here for the festival."
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You softly closed your bedroom door not wanting to make more drama by slamming it. This whole week you held in your emotions and tears, but today was the breaking point for you. Your back slid down the door and you started crying, and crying. There was no need to try and deafen your sobs, because you couldn't even if you tried.
Your mind kept reminding you of every single event if today.
First. Tubbo didnt tell you he was still in contact with the former citizens of L'Manburg, and the only way you found out was that today at the festival you saw them and you asked Tubbo. He finally told you with his head hung low as you two stood on the podium. You felt betrayed.
Second. Schlatt gave you an extremely hard time making sure everything was intact for today's festivities. You were stressed out of your mind.
Third. The festival went down hill hard and fast. So fast everything seemed like a blur. Tubbo gave his speech, really fidgety may you add, and then Schlatt and Quackity began trapping him in cement, you tried stopping him, but you were pushed away multiple times. You knew who Technoblade was, so when you heard Schlatt call him up to the podium you started to freak out. Your heart started to pound out of your chest when he brought out an explosive crossbow and pointed it right at Tubbo's chest.
The next thing you know a huge, bright, colorful explosion went off and with you on the podium with Tubbo's murderer sparks flew and hit you, Schlatt and Quackity making all of you have some sort of burn marks. Tubbo was gone, soon to be revived again for his last life on this earth, but seeing him die like that was the breaking point for you.
You stayed on the ground with your knees to your chest sobbing loudly. It was too much for you. Your lungs felt like they had no air inside of them, and your heart felt like a million weights were hung on it. You kept crying until you heard a harsh knock on the door, that felt like they were trying to break down the door than get someone's attention.
"Stop sobbing so damn loud!" Of course it was Schlatt you rolled your eyes and stayed on the floor.
"Leave me alone!" You cried out.
"Damn you sound like you're in pain huh?" You heard him from the other side of the door.
It was silent until the door was forced open and you were pushed with the door on your side. You sat up again to see Schlatt, who was out of breath, above you and had another beer bottle in hand.
"Why did you open ny door?" You asked softly.
"Why didn't you let me in?"
"Cause you didnt ask."
"Excuse me!?" Schlatt grew angry.
"You heard me." You stood up facing the taller man with horns. He was scary, but somehow you got the confidence today.
"I dont think you know who you're talking to shithead!" Schlatt got closer, but this time you stood your ground.
"Im talking to a drunken, egotistical, ram-man who let someone kill the only person I had left!" You yelled in his face while tears fell on your cheeks.
"You do got some nerve! I saved you!" He turned around, his back facing you.
"You made my life hell!" You yelled at him. "You- you made my life worse! You made me feel like I have no purpose, but to serve you and your ragtag cabinet! You made me feel like a useless sack of shit, you-!"
"YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU ARE USELESS!" Schlatt quickly turned around his faced filled with pure anger and his eyes bloodshot. He was breathing heavily and all the confidence left your body as soon as he stumbled towards you.
"You're fucking useless! You're even worse than Tubbo and he was working against me!" Schlatt then let out a strained stream and smashed his bottle on the floor letting the left over alcohol spill onto the floor.
"Do me a favor and leave, go. I dont need you! I dont need this damned place given to me by chance! By a fucking vice president that dosent even do his damn job! I dont need you! You! You and those bastards ruined everything!" Schlatt yelled and then rushed out of the room while holding his mouth.
You followed him quickly into the hallway and watched as he stumbled into the nearest bathroom to throw up the alcohol consumption of today. The tears kept coming as you ran down the hallway hoping that you can get as far away from these ivory buildings as your feet can take you.
----------------------
Your feet hung off the edge of the prime path and underneath there was a small river. You had stared at the water running for about ten minutes since you got there. You noticed immediately when you set foot on the prime path that you had no where else to go except for pogtopia you learned about.
You sighed tilting your head up towards the night sky.
"Lonely?" A voice asked next to you.
You turned your head and saw the well known man dressed in green. Dream had his mask on, as usual, but hood was down letting his blonde hair show.
"Yeah actually." You responded not looking at him.
"I know what happened at the festival."
"Everyone does." You scoffed.
"What happened with Schlatt?" He asked and you turned your head with a confused look on your face. "Dont think I don't know anything that goes on around here."
"I don't know how you found out, but long story short I'm not allowed back there. I dont wanna go back there." You said while standing up facing the man.
"I have someone that can give you a place to stay. If you want to take the offer. Also I wanted to check up on you. You were so close to Tubbo and its hard to lose a friend." Dream spoke softly, but you could still hear him loud and clear even through the mask.
"Thank you. I would want to take the offer for a place to stay." You airly laughed. "I dont want to see Schlatt or Quackity again."
Dream chuckled while giving you a paper with an adress on it before getting ready to leave.
"Don't worry. He'll be dead soon." Dream said before turning around and walking down the prime path.
You should've stayed.
Taglist(s)
MCYT Imagines: @annshit @bobaducky @malfoysslutt @egorldevi
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hq-bnha-hcs · 4 years
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Announcement! Please Read!
hi! it’s been a while lmao, it’s wild how im still getting so many notes on posts i wrote forever ago but thank you for your continued support :,)) it really means a lot to me :,)
i know ive been gone for a while and thats because i havent felt as excited to write as i was before and it started feeling like i chore :/ so i started spending more time on anitwt. however i do apologize for constantly disappearing and then reappearing with no explanation
on to the important (and very long) part, im thinking of coming back to this blog but making some changes such as:
only writing for post-timeskip haikyuu characters and specific bnha characters (i have yet to decide), this is mainly to make it easier for me to manage this blog and series characterizations
maybe adding a series or two that i’ll write for? or maybe just me reblogging more posts that arent bnha or hq related to make this blog feel more comfortable and personal to me
maybe making a ko-fi for extra money? just if you wanna support me but i think id be down to take commissions at some point
(slightly off topic but i do feel the need to change my theme because it’s been the same color for these past 3(?) years)
getting a beta-reader or two because i’d like to start proofreading any fics or other original writings i may create in the future for ao3
updating my info + faq pages as well as making a navigation page/masterlist, basically just reorganizing my blog lmao (it’ll either be that or moving to a new blog and archiving this one)
i’d also like to let you guys know that im now 19 and i think i started this blog when i was around 16? (i Should Not have been writing anything like this at that age but thats a story for another time), around the same age as the characters at the time. all in all, i no longer feel comfortable writing anything smut related to the characters unless theyre bnha adults or post-timeskip haikyuu (referring to point number 1), i hope you guys understand
ive cleared out the year-old asks in my ask box and other drafts i had sitting around, to everybody who sent those in, im so sorry :,( once i decide what to do and update my rules and blog, i’ll reopen my ask box!
please let me know if you have any comments, questions, or concerns. i’ll gladly take any advice or blog suggestions! :,) (as much as this blog is mine and i write what makes me happy, i’d like to know what my audience would like as well)
tl;dr im thinking of making some changes to this blog so please tell me if you have any thoughts!
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sentimientoyaoi · 7 years
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[RELEASE] NEW CHAPTER CASTE HEAVEN
TITLE: Caste Heaven GENRE: School life, Drama, Yaoi AUTHOR: Ogawa Chise STATUS: Ongoing JOINT: Ichinko Scans (Chapters 1-13)
DOWNLOAD CH 1-14:  Mega DOWNLOAD CH 15: Mega  //  Mediafire
First of all, please forgive the delay in updating. Lately I'm with little time, since these months (May-July) are exams and lot of work. So dont despair that we dont abandon any project. Second, I wanted to apologize to the staff, since despite sending me translations, editions and cleanings. I havent yet done the last revision, and thats why they havent been updated yet. I'm really sorry. This week I'm free, so I'll finish checking everything and update as much as I can. So thanks again for your patience. And last but not least, I wanted to thank the staff who did an excellent job with the new chapter of caste heaven. Many thanks to Anonymous for providing us the scans, and also for providing us scans of the Waku Okuda projects. Shee send all of it, so I will send it to translate when we finish 1-2 projects that are still active. Also many thanks to Nomi for the translation, and millions of thanks to @namasuki for the japanese proofreading. Also to the wonderful Lauren and Ash, who helped us with the english proofreading. Without them we couldnt do anything, so thank you very much!!!!!
These days expect much more of Hinako, Raveled Tighrope and Koi Suru Shirokuma <3 <3
PD: Sorry people, staff, and everyone if I didnt reply your messages. I couldnt revise nothing, so betweeen today or tomorrow I will reply everything. Sorry
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irenicnomad · 6 years
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Struggle day (unknown), account 1
It's 7:30 pm. I have 13-14hrs left to finish with the portions for the exam tomorrow. 10am, Locomoter exam. It's hard. It has a lot of anatomy. Im bad at it because my memory is weak. Also because the subject is dry. I dont like studying what is superficial.
I dont have just anatomy to study for. I need to finish physiology, embryology, histology, biochemistry, pathology, pharamcology, and xommunity medicine for the same Locomoter module. (Thank God microbiology is out). All in 13-14hrs. I need to skim through topics i never studied before. Topics whose classes i havent all attended.
But? Im depressed.
I had a fight/argument with my sisters over my parent's childishness. It was bad. I hoped since a long while now that my only purpose, then, was to bribg my family together, close, with strong foundations of trust and love and loyalty and respect and understanding.
After that fight, I realized its impossible. I dread a future where my sister will walk their own paths, drifting away from each other, from family. Because those are not family values. I thought we were one. Are we? Are we a dysfunctional family. We are. Hence why i made a promise, a purpose, to bring my family together. To fix each other. To bring us all as one.
I wasnt the problem. My sisters werent. My parents werent. We all were, together, the problem. I worked to fix myself. I made sure i was more leniant, understanding, thoughtful, and soft with the other members of my family. I worked. I listened. I had their backs. I hid what they wanted to be hidden. I was there for them. Over all, i listened and understood.
Did they do the same? No.
Did i tell them about my promise? No. I didnt see the need to. If you promise, then work on it. I dont believe in what is verbal. I believe in what must be done.
I learned. What was the point to fight for, when youre the only one fighting for? They werent fighting against me. But they werent fighting for each other.
Why does everything have to revolve around one member of the family? Why the selfishness? Why the narcissm? Why the lack of understanding? No body wants to listen. But everybody wants to be heard.
I was never heard. I was always the only one listening. Always apologizing for my sisters and parents behaviors. Always taking in their mistakes and blaming myself for it. Everything was my fault to them.
I pray im not being selfish. I despise that character.
Oh i pray i pray.
My second sister though, she is a fighter too. Stronger than i am. She is as musch as i am in the pursuit of bringing the family construct together.
Atleast. Im happy. Atleast. Even if it werent for me. Atkeast she is doing it for the other members.
Im depressed. Ive scrolled through insta aimlessly. Through twitter, hoping for new words, but came out worse. Through facebook, aimlessly. Oh amd so many other apps.
Im still laying in bed. My eyes burn from the tears ive shed after the fight. The tears that fear my family's fate: loss, being apart, being strangers. Ive grown tired of fighting.
And i dont want to eat either. My stomach's growling. I dont want to eat. I want to stay hungry.
Also, i havent prayed all 5prayers for 3-4 days straight. I didnt want to. I couldnt. I couldnt get myself to wudhuu. I couldnt get myself to pray. Mentally. Physically i maybe capable. But mentally, i was dead.
I need sleep. I need to sleep this dread off my system. But i cant because of my tight time with trying to finish studying for my exams.
It eats your head. Knowing you never 'really' had parents. I trust neither. Neither listened to me. Neither were there for me. It was always about themselves. Never their children.
Here is my account so far. I feel miserable, and melancholic. Just minutes after i wiped my tears, i visioned myself hanging off the ceiling of this hostel room.
(Im tired. I want to give up. I want to fail this exam. Again.
(,yes my writing is very basic. Yes there are typos. But i cant bring myself to brush up on my writing, and proofread. Im sorry anum if ive failed you.)
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