passed down like folksongs, chapter thirteen- steve x reader
[gif credit to @flyingrichardgrayson]
chapter thirteen- i didn’t know if you’d care if i came back
series summary: Living in Hawkins was never easy for anyone. However, it becomes ten times more difficult than usual when you catch feelings for one Steve Harrington. What should be a simple schoolgirl crush ends up being complicated by your step-brother, Tommy Hagan, and the mysterious goings on in the town of Hawkins. [masterlist]
pairing: steve harrington x female! hagan! reader
chapter summary: The summer of ‘85 takes a turn for the worst when Steve helps investigate a Russian Base within the mall. Though, it does leave him realizing a thing or two about his own feelings.
warnings: swearing, ANGST, season 3 shenanigans
word count: 2.5k
a/n: Sooo this is mostly a Steve-centric chapter, really hope that y’all enjoy and that this goes in the steeb tag because it’s the main way that I get more readers. Though, reblogs also help a lot!!
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The only major thing left in Steve’s high school career after prom was graduation. Somehow, he managed to get through it. If he was being honest, he firmly believed that you were the main reason he got through that last month of school. You would have insisted that he was the one who pulled it off. If anything, you were just the person who helped him get ready for his finals.
No, he wasn’t going off to college like Tommy was, but he made it out of high school. Steve wasn’t sure what he would have done if he flunked. At least he didn’t have to wonder about that anymore. Instead, he had to get on with the rest of his life. Whatever that was supposed to entail
College was out of the question for the next year. He got a job at Scoops Ahoy in the new mall, but after even the first day of slinging ice cream, he knew that he wanted nothing to do with that. It was advantageous to the kids since they used his position to get to the movies for free, but it didn’t have much for him. Not unless he moved up, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be anything more than where he was at. Otherwise, that kind of implied he was going to be stuck there for a long time.
There were two pastimes that Steve didn’t mind so much. One was flirting with girls so Robin could have some kind of entertainment, and the other was talking to you whenever you showed up to the mall. Funnily enough, that was rather often.
You didn’t get a summer job, and that meant you spent most of the season bored. All you could do was either garden or go to the mall. Especially since Steve was working so often. Though, you were sure it would feel like a normal amount once you were busy with school for most of the day again.
For reasons you couldn’t quite explain, you knew that you were glad that Steve was going to be in Hawkins for just a while longer. It meant you didn’t lose your closest friend. Though, Robin would regularly tease the two of you whenever you stuck around to chat. It was nice getting to hang out with her too.
While there was still a glimmer of what you once felt for Steve two years ago, you were content with the way things were. You liked hanging out with Steve after he got done with work. Nothing was ever going to happen and you finally made peace with that. If anything, you dared Steve to ask out and flirt with his customers. Mostly because he always struck out and it was hilarious.
There was still a part of you that wanted Steve to say things like that to you again, but maybe it was for the best that nothing happened. The friendship you both had was so good.
One summer afternoon you found yourself in Scoops Ahoy and Steve was at the counter like he normally was. He always gave you a discount if he didn’t just let you take the ice cream.
“Hey, I’m gonna have to raincheck on hanging out tonight,” he said as you stood at the counter, “My parents are having some family over and they wanted to see me since they didn’t make it to my graduation.”
You frowned a bit and then nodded, “Okay, well, then you have fun with that. Oh! Speaking of family shit, there’s gonna be a Fourth of July party at my house. Would you wanna come?”
“Depends on if we sneak off to go to that carnival,” Steve replied.
You grinned, “Obviously, I need a buddy to sneak off with, though, so what do you say?”
“I’ll be there,” he said.
Steve hated lying to you and what he hated even more was how easily it slipped out of his mouth. Once again, there was something he just couldn’t tell you. Even though you were probably someone who would want to help with sneaking into a Russian Base, he knew Dustin would have a cow if anyone else knew what was going on. Regardless of the fact that Steve knew he could trust you with his life.
Though, it wasn’t like getting into the base would be anything that could possibly take the literal days before the fourth. You’d never know what happened and it would be fine. He really wished he could tell you everything, though.
Having Robin right there with him as they snuck into the storage space with the kids was nice, but he really couldn’t help but imagine that you were there with him. It was an emotion that was only multiplied at the realization he was far too deep into this ordeal.
Getting stuck at the bottom of a Russian elevator with no hope of getting back up wasn’t something he put into the equation. Though, a part of him was glad he didn’t tell you anything because the less people having to experience this, the better. And maybe he would tell you about it this time around. This whole thing with the Russians wasn’t like everything else with the government. He could talk to you about this. Although, he was sure that you would have a hard time believing him.
Still, he knew that thinking about telling you all this stuff was more and more of a stretch in the first place. Mainly because that involved getting out of the elevator without dying. If some Russians spotted them, he knew for a fact that they were done for.
That night in the elevator was easily one of the worst nights ever. The only relief was that Robin was there to try and talk with him about the situation. A situation that had no solution.
“Do you think we could end up getting ourselves killed?” Robin asked in a low voice just in case Dustin or Erica happened to be awake.
Steve shook his head, “Nah, we’ll get out of this. It’ll be okay.”
Though, now that Robin mentioned it, the more he couldn’t help but wish that he told you everything. How he truly felt about you and what happened to him in all that time. You deserved to know.
Then he realized another reason as to why he had to get out of this okay. If he died, you wouldn’t have anyone who you were nearly as close to. No, you wouldn’t be as isolated as you had been after Barb died, but he knew it would hurt you. He knew what you were like when you lost someone you were so close to. And worse, if everyone just said he disappeared? You would go looking and you would probably never stop.
He had to get out at any cost. If not for himself and the kids and Robin, then for you at the very least. Not even to tell you everything in his head, but just so you wouldn’t have to be alone. So you could have someone to go to that silly carnival with. There wasn’t any other option.
The main priority was to stick together and find a key to get out and use the elevator. Then, they were home free and could do whatever they decided to do. Maybe telling someone like Hopper was a good place to start, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. Getting out was the goal.
For the first bit of it, Steve had a cautious optimism about the whole situation. They didn’t get caught in the elevator. If they could just keep up that same trajectory, surely they would be able to get out. Then, they would be home free and there would be nothing to worry about. He would feel silly for even thinking that it was possible he wouldn’t make it out. It was silly. After everything he had been through already, this was almost nothing.
While a Russian Base as a concept was petrifyingly scary, it wasn’t anywhere near as awful as those tunnels. The base was going to be filled with people, and while they could cause a lot of harm, it wasn’t nearly as much of a death sentence as a hoard of man-eating monsters. Besides, if worse came to worse, he just wouldn’t lose the next fight he got stuck in the middle of.
Steve wasn’t sure how well sneaking around would continue to work as they got closer to where all the Russians were. The only Russian any of them knew was what was on that code, but if someone asked him to repeat it, he wouldn’t have been able to.
Still, they made it all the way in what had to be the comms room. Or something like that, Steve wasn’t sure what any of the rooms in this place could be called. Not that it mattered because they were all face-to-face with a Russian. He couldn't figure out who was more surprised to see who. Probably the Russian who was starting to pull out his gun.
Well, he promised himself he would win the next fight he was in. So naturally, Steve started off by screaming at the guy. Then, he just went for it. His heartbeat was through the roof and he hardly recognized just what he was doing as he punched the guy and tackled him. He barely realized he smacked the guy with the phone until Dustin’s voice kicked in.
“Dude, you just won a fight!” Dustin exclaimed.
They needed that key, but Robin seemed to be focused on something at the top of a staircase. Steve and Dustin went up to see what was there. He felt his heart sink to his stomach when he realized just what they were looking at.
Both of them specifically agreed that it couldn’t be this again. Yet there it was staring them in the face. Why in the world would the Russians want anything to do with the Upside Down? It was only going to get everyone killed. Now they had more of a problem on their hands than ever before.
He had to tell you, though. That was the important thing. The last thing he wanted to do was continue lying to you for the rest of his life. Though, that would have to wait as Erica noted that the Russian had left the room.
Almost on cue, more Russians came in. This wasn’t a fight he was going to be able to win. Not when all he had was himself. He wished that he had thought to bring his stupid bat. Instead, he thought fast and moved to get the kids in front of him. If anyone needed to get out, it was them.
As for Robin and himself? Well, he wasn’t too sure about getting out now.
It wasn’t that Steve gave up all hope, but he knew that he couldn’t count on anyone saving him as soon as he got taken by the Russians. All he had with him was Robin, though he supposed being alone would have been worse. He was pretty glad he didn’t tell you about any of this, though.
That was the only thing that kept him sane as he was punched across the face by one of the Russians. It didn’t matter what he said. He told a half-truth. Sure, he sort of knew what he was getting himself into, but he wasn’t involved with the US government. If he were, then he probably would’ve gone about this in a smarter way. Probably.
All that mattered to him was that Robin was okay. As long as there was no mention of Dustin and Erica, he was sure that was a good sign. Robin was still very much alive. There had to be some way to ensure they got out, but Steve had no idea.
Sure, the implied plan was for the kids to get out and get help, but he wasn’t sure how that was going to work. Although, it didn’t take long for any feelings of concern to subside. Whatever drugs the Russians had up their sleeves were, he couldn’t deny just how great they felt. It was just like the times he did weed with Tommy, only it was better.
Everything went by in such a blur that Steve could hardly describe what was going on. Hell, he barely registered what he was saying by the time Dustin burst into the room. If Steve thought everything was strange before, he knew that he was about to eat his words as he was swung through the whole base.
He couldn’t remember a whole lot before the high came crashing down around him and he was vomiting in the bathroom of the movie theater. At least, that was where he was pretty sure he was.
The only reassuring thing was that he wasn’t the only one puking his guts out. There was something nice about having an actual friend next to him as all this happened. Not that you weren’t his friend, but it was different.
“Have you ever been in love before?” Robin asked.
While the question took him by surprise, what caught him even more off guard was when he talked about Nancy. And sure, he had loved her at one time, but he was starting to realize that he had been in love more than once before.
“Wait, you don’t love me, do you?” he asked.
Robin was silent until Steve slid under the stall to see her. It seemed like she was almost in a different place entirely.
She shook her head, starting to explain that she was never in love with him. Instead, when she claimed to be obsessed with him it was because he had been the object of Tammy Thompson’s affections. Someone Robin had hoped to win over somehow.
Suddenly everything made a lot more sense and he almost felt a wave of relief. Even if learning the truth about Robin was a bit surprising. So he did what he did best, made light of everything with Tammy Thompson. Which only reminded him of the girl he actually wanted to be with.
He felt his face fall, “Shit! I was supposed to go to Y/N’s party!”
“What? Steve, it’s just a party-”
“But she doesn’t wanna be there, we were supposed to go to the carnival together. And I- I don't wanna leave her alone there.”
Robin nodded slowly, “I think I was supposed to be there with the marching band… wait, Steve?”
“Hm?”
“Are you sure you don’t love Y/N?”
Steve shook his head, “What? No, o- of course not! Even if I did, I’ve screwed it up so many times there’s no way she would ever be able to love me back and I know that.”
Maybe he did love you.
“The worst she can do is say no,” Robin pointed out.
He laughed, “Nah, she’d tell me to go fuck myself and I wouldn’t blame her.”
“You didn’t just get out of a Russian Base to not take a chance with Y/N. Come on, there’s no way she comes by almost every day just because she likes the ice cream. There’s gotta be something there.”
Dustin barged into the room and Steve couldn’t quite comprehend what the kid was saying. What he could comprehend was that he needed to finish this and quickly if he was going to get to your party.
taglist: @flyingrichardgrayson @stonersteve @scooprtroopr @insideafictionaluniverse @l0ve-0f-my-life
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we saved a few things that were spared
you can also read this in AO3
Contrary to public believe, Kat does know how to focus on the present. She just doesn’t do it with people around.
The soft hum of the shower is what grounds her, what lets her feel the world around her. The strength of the ceramic beneath her feet, the honks of New York’s traffic coming from the window, the soap slipping through her skin, creating bubbles and sterility.
Kat likes becoming a physical being while she’s safe, while she has a plastic curtain surrounding her and warm, pressurised water pouring down. Adena had made her real with a simple smile and some well delivered words.
It’d been refreshing and terrifying.
“How many pairs of underwear do you think I should take?”
“How many times do you plan on having sex?” Sutton retorts, lying in the middle of Kat’s bed, surrounded by clothes.
“I might not have enough pairs.” She frowns and the double uhh makes her smirk.
“Standard plan, babe. One panty a day and a bra each two days.” Jane suggests. It’s a valid input, so she counts fourteen panties and throws them in her bag, grabbing a few extras for emergencies. “I still can’t believe you’re doing this.”
“Trust me, neither do I.” Kat mumbles.
She doesn’t believe it until a flight attendant is instructing people to buckle their seatbelts.
This is why a couple running towards each other became such a cliché in romances. This feeling right here, the weight and warmth and familiarity is why two people rush to clutch their significant others tightly.
Adena keeps going off in Farsi, eyes sparkling with confusion and happiness and endearment and that is the reason why she came. Why she dragged her ass bright and early and convinced her boss that she could maintain her most important duties halfway across the continent.
People are starting to stare at them, now. Curious, more than anything.
Kat is very good at Spanish, but she cannot speak Persian for shit, so she kisses the woman holding her face and stops the unknown words.
It’s fulfilling, having Adena against her.
(“How does it feel?”
“Uh empty?”)
“How long?” Adena asks in between kisses, a hand making its way up and up and up Kat’s leg.
“Fly back on,” A sigh, a soft bite on a lower lip, a moan as swift fingers hit her inner thigh. “the seventeenth.”
She’d bought the return ticket before anything else. She knew she’d consider staying forever, otherwise. She knew that with big smiles and huge eyes and that sharp tongue being near her and all around her, she knew she would not go back to the US if she wasn’t forced to.
“A vacation?”
Kat knows what Adena is referring to, knows she’s being asked how she approached Jacqueline on taking time off.
“An adventure.”
(I know that you said that you’re tired of adventure and everything, but I’ve never had one.)
A dream has her tossing and thrashing and choking on her own saliva. Kat wakes up to soothing words and soft touches.
“Breathe, my love.” Adena whispers, an arm around Kat’s shoulders as she coughs. “Breathe.”
It takes her lungs a minute to settle down, not to gulp for air desperately, ineffectively.
Her heart slams against her ribs, a car speeds by outside, reminding her that this is reality.
Jane and Sutton smiling and smiling and being ripped away suddenly. Crying for Kat, begging her for help and she not moving, she not running to them and she just wanting to help, to make it alright again. And Adena, looking at her from afar, tears streaming down her cheeks, ‘home’ echoing around and Kat not fucking moving. That had all been a nightmare. Of course it had.
“It’s gone, it’s gone.”
Real Adena caresses the back of her neck, leans a chin against her shoulder when she stays seated.
Just a nightmare. Nothing more.
She doesn’t mention it when Adena convinces her to lie back down, but Kat hasn’t had a nightmare since she was twelve.
“Not even over my dead, cold-ass body.”
“ Why?” Jane and Sutton groan together. She rolls her eyes, hears Adena chuckling a few steps away.
(it is tucked somewhere around her stomach, the fear the dream seems to have left behind.)
“I am not going anywhere near a llama.”
“But it’s a classic!” Jane whines. A child, honestly.
“Can you really experience Peru if you don’t see a llama up close?” Sutton quirks an eyebrow.
“Yes, yes you can. There’s the Larco Museum here in Lima, Machu Picchu and Moray and Sak- Saks-”
“Saksaywaman.” Adena supplies, sitting on the couch, molding herself to Kat’s side.
“Yeah, and all of those in Cusco.”
“Whatever, have fun being like every other tourist.” Sutton moves out of frame, exasperated.
Correction: children.
“At least I get to be one.”
“Hey,” Sutton reappears, mouth dropped in pretend shock. “mean. Bye.”
The call ends and she shares a look with the woman leaning into her.
Her friends are fine. Assholes as usual, but fine. Adena is not crying and this hug they have going on feels like home.
It’s fascinating, watching as slick, brown hair slowly disappears in a wrap of silk and colors. She has the details down in four days. Adena likes to wear the knot on top of her head, instead of closer to her neck and favors bold, statement patterns.
The first step is pinning the hair in place. Kat likes to fumble with the little strands left behind, too short to pull up. She only does it when they are alone, but seeing shivers running down the woman’s spine makes her happier than she can explain.
“Oh, Steve and Rachel invited us to go hiking with them.” Adena says, voice stranded due to two pins she holds with the corner of her mouth.
“The couple from down the hall?”
“Yes.” A nod, a few silent moments of concentration as the last section of hair is secured into place. In comes the underscarf and Adena turns her attention back to Kat. “Do you want to go?”
“I’m not really into cardio.”
“I’m coming to believe you’re not very much into anything .”
“Except you.” She gets a smirk for that one. “But sure, new country, new me. Sort of.”
Kat pays attention as a yellow scarf is folded and wrapped around Adena’s head. Some twists here and pulls there and they are ready to leave the Airbnb apartment.
(five thousand percent less expensive than daily fees in a hotel)
She is pretty proud of how much she endures before the breaking point.
Bugs everywhere, slippery ground and an unforgiving sun.
Kat is not a nature person. It is just not in her. She’s never had a pet, missed it only for the lack of the distraction one would have given her.
She is not a nature person, nor a cardio person.
The view is beautiful and calming and it is not the same quiet as growing up. It is peaceful and filled with white noises. So she marches on.
Nine miles. Kat hikes Peruvian lands for nine (out of fifteen) miles. When she sees the snake, however, she’s fucking done.
Granted, she was the idiot who didn’t pay attention to her surroundings properly. But a snake ? No ma’am, thank you. In no shape or form will she put on a poker face with that on the equation.
She’d sat down for a moment to drink some water and catch her breath and the only reason she’d even noticed the snake when she did had been Adena’s nervous, paralyzed form looking somewhere over her shoulder.
When Kat followed the gaze and saw the reptile, her heart had exploded inside her. It’d taken every ounce of her being not to sprint out and away on that very second. The longass animal had already been tense and somewhere, some useful part of her brain had screamed SLOW MOVEMENTS YOU DUMB FUCK and she had listened because it sounded right.
“You know, Boa Constrictors are not really venomous to humans.” Steve comments, the road wide enough for the four of them to walk side by side.
“Still scary.” She sighs, flinches when Adena lays an unannounced hand on the small of her back.
Rachel carries on talking about animals and the beauty in their complexity.
Kat has no shits to give. She is adept to fluffy, domesticable beings. Dogs, if she were to be picky.
“The magazine ran an article on NYC rescue centers a few months back. Got a huge online flux.” It’s the best she can do at small talk. “We even set up a few online crash courses for young rescues.”
“I think I saw something about it,” Steve admits. He’s an easy dude. She has no idea how Adena finds these people. “A great initiative. If more people knew about how to properly care for them, maybe there wouldn’t be so many extreme rescue cases.”
The image of a cute, furry puppy gives her enough strength to finish their journey back.
Machu Picchu is interesting. Intricate and old and vibrating with energy.
“Can you imagine? Building something so complex all those years ago?”
The abandoned city itself is enchanting. Adena’s delighted smile is even more so.
A thousand pictures are taken. She serves as a model for most of them. The tour guide takes a few portraits of Adena and her and those are her favorites.
She buys a few souvenirs. Jane and Sutton would kill her at the spot otherwise. She sits in a low, living-being free (she checks) step, taking in the antique stores as she waits for Adena to come back with their icecreams.
She tips her head back, absorbs the warmth of the sunshine. There are kids laughing and speaking a few yards away. Kat focuses on the consistent hum of the fountain to her left, feeling the stone under her butt, under her palms. The straps of her backpack at her shoulders, the foreign scents and tongue, the stiff poke and drag under her leg, the-
Wait. What the-
Her eyelids snap open.
Not another snake.
Not another snake.
For fuck’s sake, not another sn-
A cat.
A kitten, actually.
A dirty, shaking and tiny kitten hiding under her legs.
A cat under Kat.
This trip was supposed to be fun and sexy and relaxing. Why does it have to be weird, too?
The kids from down the street are coming at full speed towards her. She sees the front runner’s look and it takes her an instant to make the decision.
Kat reaches down, wraps her fingers around the ridiculously small body. The animal meows and twists and tries with all its might to run from her. As she leans it in her lap, the children surround her.
A couple of shouts in Spanish. She makes out a few keywords before a beat cop comes closer and snaps something, making the kids shut up.
“ Estamos jugando con eso. ” A boy, no taller than her waist, points at the cat in her hands.
No wonder the kitten is shaking so bad. Half a dozen humans passing it around as a toy cannot be easy.
“ El gatito no es una cosa.” The officer doesn’t take his eyes off the kids. “ ¿De quien es?”
“ Yo lo encontré.” The front runner speaks.
“ Y la mamá?”
“ No se. No creo que tengas una.”
She sighs, takes a glance at the cat and then at the woman coming in her direction, frown in place.
Crap.
“Did we really smuggle a cat into the city?” Adena’s voice is warm and amused.
“It was either bringing it with us or giving it back to the children.”
Kat pulls her hoodie open and takes out the kitten. It starts meowing louder as soon as she touches it. She thinks it’s a girl. They are calling it Pecky, for now, because it almost sounds like pequeña and the kitty is so fucking small.
“Yes, I know.” Adena continues, sitting on their bed as Kat kneels on the ground and tries to check if their guest has any injuries. “However, it still sounds crazy.”
“I’m pretty sure this is the most wild thing I’ve ever done.”
“Well, your friends will be dying to hear of your adventures when you get home.”
She furrows her brows. Her chest gets too tight when she thinks about leaving. About only one more morning waking up to soft skin and long lashes. Kat focuses back on Pecky.
“God, she’s full of fleas. Look.” She distances some fur for a clear view at the skin and sure enough four or five little black spots rush by in a few seconds.
The crash course flashes through her mind. Access health, keep hydrated, give wet food if big enough to fill your hand.
There were no pet shops open, so the canned tuna pasta from the convenience store will have to do.
Adena runs a tentative finger under Pecky’s chin. The cat meows, but allows the touch.
“Dish soap kills fleas.” The woman mumbles, starting to pull her hijab apart.
“How do you know that?”
“I got curious about Scarlet’s article.”
Kat smiles. Pecky meows and skips away on top of their comforter.
“Wanna give her a bath, then?”
“Nice try.” Adena flops down on her belly, watching as the kitten looks intrigued at her discarded scarf.
just let me go just let me go, I just want to help them
“kat!”
it’s sutton, desperate, in the dark, needing her. she just wants to help, just wants to make things better.
“home”
adena, beautiful, alone, an unwilling nomad.
“please!”
jane, tiny, amazing, loyal, unsure, scared.
she just wants to help she just wants to take them in she just-
Kat wakes up to a skinny tail resting on top of her nose. Pecky is half asleep, still, but when Kat looks down, the pet gazes back.
“Are you okay?”
She allows the voice to wash over her, inching closer to the body behind her.
“Yeah.”
She tells herself it is not a lie.
Saving a kitty is a welcome distraction to the heartache leaving Adena gives her. The initial plan had been to get to a vet first thing in the morning, find a no-kill shelter and try to make the most of the rest of the day.
A vet is found with no problem at all, the shelter, though, is a bit trickier.
“She won’t survive.” The secretary for the place says, an indifference Kat suspects is more for his own protection than lack of empathy.
“Wanna look at her and say that again, pal?”
The guy sighs and keeps his eyes on his notepad, ringing their expenses in.
“We get over doscientos a year. Not enough money.” He extends the receipt, waits for her to sign. “Maybe you take care of it?”
“We have a flight to take.” She scribbles her name on the thin paper, slides it back to the man over the counter and he finally takes a peek at the white ball of fluff inside the carrier she’d just bought.
“There are certificates.” He gives her a kind smile. Yeap, not that indifferent after all. Realistic, perhaps.
Kat crosses gazes with Adena. She is answered with a nod.
“Do you have international ones?” She gives in, reaching her finger to tease Pecky through the plastic screen.
“Maybe I can find someone to take her.” Kat tries.
She has her folded legs leaning over Adena’s as they wait in the lobby to be called for the flight.
Cusco to Lima, Lima to the USA. She’ll only have a human companion through half the trip.
“That’s possible.”
“And, you know, she’s pretty cute without those dirt-dreadlocks.”
“She’ll get adopted in no time.” Adena runs a thumb across Kat’s knee. She tries to memorize the feeling, the exact amount of heat and the mixture of scents coming off in waves from the woman’s perfume.
Pecky lies on the triangle between their mingled bodies and the back of the airport seat, playing with a balled up piece of paper. Kat gets pinned in place by a pair of blue feline eyes. She steals the makeshift ball and holds it slightly out of reach for the kitten. It stands on its back paws in a glance, using a firm clutch on the stollen toy as support.
Feisty little thing.
“I’m really going to miss you, Adena.”
She doesn’t have the slightest idea of where that comes from. All she knows, all she feels, is a squeeze in her calf where Adena’s hand now rests and her smell and her heat and her gorgeous, expressive eyes caressing her.
Pecky starts nibbling at the handle of her purse.
Kat learns to fully appreciate classical music in under an hour and a half.
She’d never been averse to it, simply more interested in other styles, but Adena loves it and insists on not only listening to it during their flight, but in having Kat pay attention too.
The multiple instruments give off an unique sound and they get even better, if she were to be honest, since they give her the opportunity to have a lovely head tucked in her neck.
One of her hands is clasped permanently inside the woman’s both and she uses her free palm to cradle a sleeping Pecky. The cat doesn’t like to be picked up, but she sure as hell enjoys going under leaning against someone.
One melody after the other, she lets her mind waver and travel. Her passport is still empty. Her thoughts go around the world.
Kat imagines Adena’s visa magically coming through before she leaves for the US. She imagines Central Park walks and Scarlet’s gala with a plus one invite which actually gets used.
Kat imagines movie nights with the girls, her and Adena sharing the floor and a throw blanket.
She imagines domesticity and happiness and continuity.
The London Philharmonic Orchestra stops playing through her headphones and the airplane starts to descent.
“You’re going to be safe, right? You’re going to look before you take a seat and you’re not going to get too close to wild animals and you’re going to be alright, right?”
“I’m going to be fine.” Not a promise. Not what she’d asked.
Adena frames her face (exactly, fucking exactly like she’d done when Kat had arrived ) and kisses her.
They do not cry.
“Until next time, love.”
Oh, Adena. Kind and thoughtful and holding Kat’s heart just as she holds her luggage.
( attention, this is the last call for flight number 34952 leaving for New York City,United States)
Maybe she leaves a piece of herself in Peru, just as she takes a bit of it in a paw-printed carrier.
“Any puns will be paid for.”
Jane and Sutton seem confused, welcoming her into a group hug all the same.
She’s tired and sore. Pecky can’t actually pee on her own yet, which meant Kat had to make her way into the bathroom every couple of hours and use a tissue to stimulate the kitten into relieving herself.
She’s tired and she misses Adena worse than she did when she’d been too foolish and afraid and the woman had moved to Paris.
“How was the trip?”
“Did you take pictures?”
Honestly, as much as she misses Adena, she’s missed these two.
“No turbulences and, uhm, Adena is still uploading stuff to the cloud.”
“And how are you?”
Something gives her away. Maybe the girls just know her too much. Maybe her metaphorical bucket is too full and it spills and leaks everywhere. Maybe her aura is black or some other color that means rotten.
Either way, Kat receives one more embrace.
“We have cheap wine and two new TV Shows in our queue.” Tiny Jane offers.
That’s good. That’s very good. She can’t have movie nights with her best friends and the woman who holds her heart. She can, however, get blissfully drunk and indulge herself in bad rom-com plots.
“You better take me home, then.” She forces a steady smile to counteract the bitterness in her stomach. “We just need to stock up on wet cat food, first.”
“Ah, what?”
“Why?”
No one said she couldn’t get a little amusement out of this. One hand brings up the pet-holder she holds and the other points at it.
“Surprise.”
“Kat, is that a….” Sutton frowns, matching Jane.
“Cat.” She nods, glares pointedly and the pun comment downs on them.
“How was the trip?” Jacqueline doesn’t stop the treadmill, but her smile seems genuine.
“It was good. Peru is gorgeous.”
“It is. We had a photoshoot there for,” Her boss looks away, thinking, and snaps her eyes back a second later. “Fall, two-thousand four. Absolutely spectacular.”
“The culture is very interesting. The ruins live up to their fame.” Kat nods politely. She has to be very careful with her request. Not everyone gets to take a two-week long leave with no forewarning.
“Well, it’s great to have you back. In time for the children’s day picnic, no less.”
Another nod. She’ll have to double check the celebs attending and confirm their snapchat-filter order.
“Jacqueline?”
The woman starts to gradually slow her steps, gives Kat a go ahead smirk.
“Do you mind making the pet-friendly office policy count?”
“How do you mean?” Her boss stops completely.
“We were always allowed to bring our pets with us, right? But since I got here it seemed a silent rule that no one actually brought them.”
“And you want to break that rule?” Jacqueline turns to her desk, flips through a couple of concepts a fashion assistant delivers.
Dennise, Kat thinks, not surprised by the lack of knocking nor the lack of any words from the short redhead.
“With your permission.”
She only gets a hum for a moment, Jacqueline scribing a few things over a sticky note before gluing it on the glossy photographs and handing it to Dennise.
The girl (younger than Kat herself) takes the pages and scurries out.
“What is it you have?”
“A cat.”
An amused look crosses the blonde’s face. She’s thankful no comment follows.
“She’s just a baby and it’d be just until I get her adopted.” Kat continues, tries to explain because she really can’t leave Pecky alone the whole day everyday. The kitten would be terrified, not to mention destroy the apartment.
“Fine.” Jacqueline shrugs. Kat smiles. “But make sure she’s trained. God help you if she uses any of Oliver’s things as a scratching post.”
When she leaves the glass office, she and Sutton exchange a discrete air-fistbump.
To be completely straight, Kat fully intends on giving Pecky away. It is a goal of hers. It is.
It doesn’t happen on the first month because her days can be summarized into waking up, working, facetiming Adena and having a drink with the girls. She’s simply too busy to go looking for a shelter to find willing adopters.
It has nothing to do with the cat being adorable and fitting into her hand and sleeping on her chest.
The adoption also doesn’t happen on the second month because that’s when Sidney comes to work with them and develops a crush on her. She’s flattered, really, but seriously she has a picture of Adena and her in Machu Picchu as her lockscreen and she lets him see it as much as possible. He cannot take a hint and she cannot simply drop my girlfriend in their conversation, since she isn’t sure she has one.
“Have you heard anything?” Kat should know better than to ask. She doesn’t and the need for expressive eyes and soft skin is too glaring inside of her.
“Not yet.” Adena sighs, pulls the sheets up, tighter around her chest. Lying like this, in the dark and both ready to sleep, they can almost fool themselves into believing they are in the same space.
“It’s going to be alright, right?” She feels pathetic, asking for reassurance when it isn’t about her.
“Yes, Kat. It’s going to be alright.”
Pecky stops fitting inside her hand and Jane stops sending her adoption web pages by month three.
By month four, she doesn’t quite remember the smell of Adena’s perfume.
“It’s going to be alright, right?” That’s always how it goes. Every week when they hear nothing about the visa. “It’s going to be alright.”
“Yes, Kat. It’s going to be alright.”
The perfume had been rich and citric. Kat can’t place how, exactly.
Sutton gets pregnant and Sidney kisses Kat by month five. She does not kiss him back and Sutton has a miscarriage three days later, after talking to Richard and deciding to have the baby.
“What are we, Adena?”
“How do you mean?”
She knows. By the slight waver of the voice coming through her phone that Adena understood what she meant fully well.
“Are we dating? Are we waiting on each other? Are we settling?”
“I’m four thousand miles away.”
It’s not an answer, so she doesn’t accept it. She cries into her pillow and Pecky sits on the armchair at the corner of the room, staring at her.
Adena, 7:33 AM:
I’m sorry about last night, call me when you have time .
Kat washes the sleep away and then, she calls.
“It’s going to be alright, right?”
“I don’t know, Kat. I don’t know, anymore.”
Jane and Pinstripe Guy break up and Jacqueline is getting a divorce, apparently. It feels weird, to drink alongside her boss in a poorly-lit, over-crowded bar down the street from where she works. Pecky is spending the night at the vet, though, getting spayed and Jane talks and Sutton drinks and Jacqueline stays for only half an hour.
Kat wants to call Adena as soon as she gets home. She’s drunk and confused and Adena does not have a home of her own to stumble into. She doesn’t call.
“I miss you.” It is whispered through the line as if they are conspiring. Kat smiles, feels her heart squeezing and jumping and melting away.
“I miss you too.”
“Will I still have you, if I come back?”
“Yeah, Adena. I’m gonna be here.”
Everything is messy and complicated and everyone around her seems somehow unhappy.
(except for Pecky, who plays in the corner with her rolling toy-mouse. Small blessings, she supposes)
Her Thanksgiving is long and lonely, but filled with wine.
Jane had gone to see her brothers, Sutton to see her mom and Kat had insisted she’d be fine. Her friends deserved a break, deserved some moments to heal.
She calls Adena by the end of the day, perhaps a glass away from way too many.
“I really really really like you, Adena.”
“I like you too, Kat.”
“I hate having to wait to be with you.”
“I’m sorry.”
The eyes looking at her through the screen move away, to somewhere she can’t see and can’t understand and is that sadness? Are those tears? Shit. Fuck. Goddamit.
“I’m going to, though.” She tries to make it reassuring. Tries to take it back to when Adena wasn’t so clearly torn, to when it was just unneasiness.
“I know.” Adena sighs, seems guilty now and Kat watches as a hand brushes the tears away. “I just don’t know if there’s any hope in that.”
“There is. Adena,” Her voice is firmer, now. She’s still pretty drunk, but this is important. “There is hope in it. You’re going to get your visa. Or you won’t. But either way, we’re going to work through it. The magazine is always planning events in other countries and I can start going with, instead of sending others and you can flight there and we can have a thousand and four new adventures, together.”
“A thousand and four? That’s an specific number.”
“Multiply it by five hundred and twenty seven.”
“You’re learning your numbers.”
That gorgeous, warm smile comes back. Her chest squeezes and her body grows hotter.
“Yes, thank you for noticing.”
Adena nods, cleans a few tears away.
Correction: Her Thanksgiving is lonely and long, but filled with wine and drunken conclusions.
The weirdness starts about a week after the 25th. Jane and Sutton start always being too tired for movie nights or shopping sprees or drinking games.
After, Adena breaks her iphone and decides to change brands, meaning their facetime calls are off. Skype is the next best thing, but the apartment the woman is now renting doesn’t have wifi, which automatically leads to them only having calls when Adena is in a café or some other public establishment.
A few days later, the girls start talking about spending New Year’s together in a little cottage in Jersey. She is down for whatever they plan on, but a cottage ? That is too out of the blue and too damn cold for this time of the year, even for Tiny Jane and her love for the wilderness.
Christmas comes and with it her parents traveling to visit. They’d always do the opposite, she’d catch a plane or a bus home and spend a couple of days there and Pecky and the cottage are the only reasons she doesn’t do exactly that. It’d be too much stress for the cat, to go through a five hour drive, get used to a new, foreign place just to come back a few days later and having to move yet again once she and the girls went to New Jersey.
So her parents come to her. They are sweet and her dad lets the pet sleep on his lap. Everything is a touch quieter. It twists her stomach, but it is good to have mom and pop with a New York drop scene.
They ask her about Adena, about Peru and if it was worth it.
“You know how I always wanted change in my life?”
Her parents nod, the nagging feeling she’s one of their patients can’t quite take away from the moment.
“I have that, with her. An exciting and really healing sort of change, you know?”
They smile. Her mom reminds her that the honeymoon phase eventually goes away and she should be sure they have a good foundation for when it does.
Kat doesn’t snap back. Maybe her mother is right. She just doesn’t want to live her life like a lab experiment or a sociology paper.
They go to the infamous cottage on December 28. It’s a decent thing.
She’s got dibs on the bedroom with the view, since the ledge is perfectly sized for Pecky to watch the birds outside and has a little nook for the cat to sleep in as well.
The girls insisted on sharing the other bedroom, which leaves her feeling slightly left out.
“How long ‘til you start plotting to kill me, hm?” Kat runs her fingers behind the Pecky’s ear.
Blue eyes focus on a mosquito, flying around the room, and in a blink, her pet also abandons her.
She has no idea how they get service in the middle of the woods, but Sutton keeps checking her phone so much that she , Kat Edison, Social Media Director, has to threaten taking it away from her.
Jane backs Sutton up, tells Kat that there’s this important fashion thingy happening in Marrocos. She shrugs and goes back to brushing her hair. This place does have a very cozy tub, she’ll give them that much.
Kat really loses it, however, when Sutton claims to have forgotten the ingredients for the s'mores and rushes out in the middle of the day to get it. She really loses it when it is dinnertime and the blonde is still not back and Jane acts as if there’s nothing wrong.
“What the hell is going on with you two? Did I do something? Because there’s been this thing between us for a while and I somehow can’t be a part of it and it is freaking me out.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“For real? You don’t think I notice when you two stop talking as soon as I walk in? Or how you both are always too tired to hang out, but you both are also always online at two PM on that same day?”
“Kat, I don’t know what to tell you.”
Jane doesn’t deny it, then.
It hurts and it stings and she hasn’t talked to Adena since the day they came to this place and it is already the 30th.
She sits on the couch, back to the door, and she sulks. She’s allowed to. She will not cry out of frustration, but the trip is pretty much ruined for her and Sutton has disappeared with the only car they have.
Jane tries to make small talk, as if everything is perfect. Kat sends her glares and makes some supper.
(enough for the three of them, which makes her madder because she should let them fend for themselves if the two are such exclusive best friends now)
She is working, actually working on her holiday when she hears the cabin door opening. Her anger climbs back up and
“Oh, did you go make the chocolate from scratch or-”
Adena is standing there when she turns around. Adena with a bright blue hijab and soft grey sweater and old jeans and boots and Adena Adena Adena . Beaming at Kat. Being beautiful and glorious and present.
(she is totally not exaggerating when she thinks her heart actually stops)
“Adena.”
She lets it past her lips and it wakes her up. The most gorgeous human being she’s ever known is finally breathing the same air as her and she’s frozen five feet away.
Saying the name gets her into motion, gets her into the warm and strong and secure arms in a second, wrapped in the smell of citrus fruits and airplane.
“Your visa?” Kat whispers it against soft skin.
“It came through.”
“And- When-” She pulls away, meets those wonderful brown eyes.
“The girls helped speed things up with the legal department.”
“Incite has a lot of experience with it, surprisingly.”
Jane. Jane is speaking somewhere to their right. Kat had been stupid and mistrustful.
She looks at her friends, at their smiles. Looks at Tiny Jane, with a little smirk and Sutton, leaning against the now closed cabin door. She looks at Adena, an inch away from her.
“I love you guys.” She makes sure Sutton and Jane understand. They nod, love you too
Kat feels a warm body brushing against her leg.
“Pecky, were you in this too?”
The feline meows back at her, continuing to rub against them.
“I knew you were up to something.”
Another meow. She laughs. And buries her face against Adena’s neck.
(“But, you know, for me, I could just never get past this .”
“Well, for me, it’s never just been about this. It’s, uh, it’s more about this .” )
Adena lies her head against Kat’s shoulder, a hand on her ribs and hair muffling her nose.
It is bliss. The afterglow isn’t too bad, either, but the stillness of everything, the notion that they are not on borrowed time, is heavenly.
“I can’t believe it’s over.” Adena sighs and Kat hums in agreement. The body she holds against her own starts shaking. Her eyes pinch and she smiles. Smiles wide and big and pulls Adena closer, because she can . Because Adena is there and now they have thousands and thousands of possibilities.
“It’s over.” She smiles and she cries, but for the first time since Sutton miscarried, she lets out happy tears.
“I have something for you.” Adena leans over her, over the end of the bed and into the suit bag she’d brought with her. “Even though Islam doesn’t have a holy day similar to Christmas, I know it is a big part of your culture. So I got you this.”
Kat takes the wrapped box, doesn’t know if she should tear it open or kiss the woman first. She decides on the kiss.
“You didn’t have to.”
“I know. But I thought of you when I saw it.”
She smirks, her insides turning. This is happiness, this is a little taste of bliss in the middle of disaster.
Kat pulls away the bow tightened around the box, pulls up the lid and lets her mouth hang open for a moment.
A stuffed llama. A stuffed llama glares at her with black-bead eyes.
Adena starts chuckling, a hand covering her lips.
“At least this one doesn’t spit.” She shrugs. Adena laughs harder.
It’s a cute toy and it has a meaning behind it and is this their first inside joke?
“There’s something else.” Adena manages, calming down, smile in place.
She shuffles the flow of white tissue paper around and something black catches her attention. Another box, she notes, as she pulls it out. A jewelry box, at that.
Kat opens it slowly, runs a fingertip over the details of the piece.
“I thought you would wear it a bit more than a necklace.”
“Adena, this is beautiful.”
A wide oval shape. The stone in the background is of a stained and cracked red. A man’s face, in true Peruvian style, embossed front and center in the same silver which makes the structure of the rest of the ring.
A few outfits it’d go great with pop in her mind, get filed away into a corner.
“Thank you.” She sighs, frames Adena’s jaw with one of her hands. Kat leans in, drops a kiss on the corner of the woman’s mouth.
“I’m happy you like it.”
“I love it. I love both of them.”
She makes a point of bringing the stuffed animal further into her lap. It’ll be a full day, once Jane sees it, but it is from Adena . Thoughtful and sweet and teasing Adena, so Kat loves it, no doubt about it.
“How are we messing this up?” Sutton steps away from the stove, frustrated and glaring at the steaming and way too liquid mixture on the pan.
“Told you we should had just ordered it along with the turkey.”
“Kat, we’re not kids, we should be able to handle a simple dressing.”
Uh-uh, irritated Sutton is bad and can very quickly turn into Lash-out Sutton. Kat backs away into the other corner of the (small) kitchen.
“I can make a run to the store if you want.” Jane pops her head in.
“Didn’t you have an article to finish?” Sutton sighs, turning off the stove and throwing the napkin on the sink.
“Just finished it.” Jane steps into the room completely. “So I can go, if you want me to.”
“Nah, the stores are probably closed already, anyway.” Sutton scratches her neck, moves to start washing the cutlery she used on the recipe.
Kat exchanges a look with the other brunette, agreeing on leaving the situation be. It’s not about the dressing as it is about Richard’s call earlier in the day. Their friend will let it out when she feels ready, they just have to wait and tread carefully.
They take to the living room, checking if the few decorations they brought along are sticking.
“Pecky!” Kat stomps her foot and her pet runs a few feet away, tail straight up. “What were you doing?”
She inspects the ripped pieces of paper on the floor, getting on to collecting them.
“I swear to God, everything was in place a second ago.” Jane tries hanging the New Year’s sign back on the wall.
“Yeah, she’s fast. Knows when she’s doing something she isn’t supposed to.” She sighs, standing up with the torn cardboard flag in hand. “Yes, we’re talking about you.” Kat snaps when she notices Pecky lurking closer.
The feline takes the words as forgiveness, however, and trots over to her, rubbing against her calf as usual.
There’s something unique, about keeping a pet. Something inevitable on falling to their charms now and again.
She’d taken this cat, tiny and sick and scared senseless and now she is healthy and the right amount of fluffy, secure enough to run around and play and think everything is okay despite it all.
Kat is aware it is her logic that has her adoration for the animal swimming up, letting her scratch Pecky’s back. She knows, and she doesn’t care. Peru gave her beautiful sights, a face-to-face she hopes never to have again and it also gave her the little purring hurricane she pulls closer.
Kat looks up to see Adena, newly showered, stepping out of their bedroom at the same time a crash comes from the kitchen, followed by a few curse words.
“Ah, did I miss something?” Adena lifts an eyebrow.
A bliss in the midst of chaos, alright.
“Happy new year!” Jane pulls at the party popper’s string, smile wide and eyes glossy from the booze they’d been sipping away at for the past four hours.
She laughs and sees as a ball of moving fur ends up behind the bookcase.
“Good luck getting her from back there.” Kat gives her friend a thumbs up, not really worried about Pecky. The fireworks they hear in the distance would be worse, had they stayed in the city.
Jane groans.
“Happy new year.” Kat sighs, feeling Adena’s arm squeeze tighter around her waist.
“Happy new year.” Adena mumbles, lips against Kat’s hair. “May many more come our way.”
“I’m so glad you are celebrating it with us.”
“The rebirth of a year is worth celebrating, no matter in which calendar.”
She smirks, turns her head enough to peck the woman’s lips. As she turns back, she sees Jane coercing Pecky out of her hiding with the mouse toy the cat loves. By the brunette’s side is Sutton, her beautiful and healing friend, in desperate need of a new beginning.
Kat moves out of Adena’s hold, pulls Sutton into a hug. Strong and firm. “I love you, babe.”
“Love you too.”
“I can’t say this year will be better, but at least the last one is officially over.”
Sutton nods, wipes away a tear from her cheek.
“Thank God.”
“And tequila!” Jane squeals, sitting on the ground, waving the mouse around for Pecky.
“And tequila.” She and Sutton resonate. A weird analogy, but a true one, nonetheless.
However Adena manages to go through the emotional rollercoaster from hell they experienced without getting hammered here and now is an honest mystery to Kat.
It also makes her admire the woman a tad more.
(if that’s even possible)
She kinda hates her mom, a little bit, for being right. The honeymoon phase does pass. It passes quite quickly, to be honest.
Adena does not condone pets sleeping in the same bed as their owners. Kat loves lazy weekends and Adena seems to think New York has new mysteries to be uncovered every day, specially when it is extra early.
Adena gets moody when she thinks she hasn’t captured a good piece during a photoshoot and Kat does not always have the time nor the patience to explain why, when the girls text ‘ alcohol emergency’ , she has to scurry away, no matter what.
It is hard and they fight. It is hard and it is real and she can’t recall the last relationship she had where she didn’t feel the need to break things off at least twice a week.
But it is real and her heart skips a beat every time she sees Adena chewing on her bottom lip, trying to pass a hard phase on Candy Crush (in Kat’s phone because Adena doesn’t need shallow distractions) .
It is the most real she’s ever felt and it honestly amazes her, how fucking safe it is.
Oh, and having a beautiful woman playing and running around her apartment with her cat is not bad, either.
It is one of the hardest things she faces, being real and letting someone watch it happen , but it is one of her biggest accomplishments.
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