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gguktarts · 5 years

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decathect | jjk (2)

1. to withdraw one’s feelings of attachment from (a person, idea, or object), as in anticipation of a future loss

summary: if one thing was clear to you when you first met Jeon Jungkook, it was that he would never love you. at least, not the way you wanted him to.

pairing: jjk x reader genre: unrequited love au || angst || little fluff if u Squint || drabble series word count: 2.2k parts: « previous | 2 / ? | next » cw: kinda unhealthy depictions of a crush, & jk is a fuckboy w lots of tatts and long hair. note: well,, i don’t like this one bUT here yall go!!! breaky breaky eggs and heart bakey ey :’)

Being late to class was the first of the signs, you should have known. It didn’t impact your grade in any way, but the reason behind it certainly stirred about some changes.

While Jungkook still remains a part of some of your days, lately it’s a less common occurrence. You figure maybe it’s his doing, that your face must have given you away that day, that he must have figured something out and that whatever he knows doesn’t sit well with him, but deep down you know it’s your fault.

It’s not that he’s avoiding you, but that you’re avoiding him–as well as the images that still haunt your memory. So, whenever you see him in the halls you turn and walk away just a tiny bit faster, and when you guys speak, you only voice out what’s necessary. It’s gotten to the point where you worry over him thinking you’re mad at him, when in fact you are not. You’re not upset that he kissed someone, how could you be? Jungkook is more of a stranger than he is a friend to you, and he owes you nothing. And it doesn’t matter that the constant reminder makes your heart drop all the way to your feet, nor that despite everything your stomach still battles the fluttering butterflies his smile cultivates and nurses. It’s actually that last part that annoys you out of all, the one that triggered your flight response.

Even now, sharing your favorite takeout at Tae’s, it’s clear you’re more closed off with him than usual – even when the subject is as ridiculous as VHS porn. Actual, physical VHS porn, all property of Taehyung. He apparently went on a shopping spree early in the morning, which explains the two thick tapes inches from his plate. They’re keeping the lot of you some extra company.

“I just can’t believe you bought more, honestly. And with real money,” you mutter in disbelief, amusement painting your tone. The fact that Tae not only owns (and buys) them but also keeps them in pristine condition is not something you understand. He doesn’t even have a VHS player. "You know the internet exists, right, babe? And with better quality.”

A look at the colorful cases makes you visibly cringe. There’s far too many freed titties and schoolgirl skirts for your liking. “They’re probably as bad as the old ones aren’t they…”

Tae’s eyes widen with a hint of betrayal; his chopsticks pointing at you in accusation. “They’re HISTORIC, ok? Like beanie babies... And they only cost 3 dollars each—”

"How would you know if hyung’s tapes are bad or not?” Jungkook’s voice interrupts, doing nothing but throwing you under the bus with the teasing question.

You blink, for a hot second forgetting you haven’t told Taehyung about that specific day a few months back. He was gone all day doing who knows what, while Namjoon and yourself, under the tight reign of curiosity and the profound liberty of a free evening, went over the most ridiculous titles he owns. It’s the sudden look of suspicion he gives you what brings back the fact to surface. Right. You’re the one with the VHS player. He knows that.

From your peripheral Jungkook’s inquisitive gaze pierces your skin, distracting you from the way Namjoon’s posture straightens with the reminder. He hasn’t said a single word to stop you, though, so you take that as a sign.

“Joon and I watched them,” you confess quickly, slurping on some stir-fry noodles with a small, apologetic smile playing on your lips. “And I’m sorry for not telling you earlier, but Tae, they’re terrible. Except maybe… Eaten by the Big Bad Wolf, I guess.”

The name makes Jungkook break out in giggles, a sound so cute you have to press your lips together just to not grin along with him. Whining, Taehyung swats the younger’s arm before whipping his head to look between Joon and you, more pouty than angry.

“First of,” he begins, “Eaten by 2BW IS good. You guys are just uncultured about the rest. But more importantly, you two? Both?”

None of you deny it. Joon simply grins apologetically and shrugs, far too busy gulping down his meat to do more than that— he knows Tae won’t do anything to him, he’s too valuable a roommate. Instead, you hear Jungkook voice out a tiny surprised “huh” before any words leave him.

“I didn’t take you for the type to watch porn, Y/N.”

You still mid bite, eyebrow raised as you’re forced to glance his way. “Because I’m a girl?”

“No, it’s just… you don’t strike me as a sexual one, I guess?”

“Oh.”

He doesn’t say it to hurt you, you know that. It’s not like his phrasing should hurt you either, but somehow, it still does. It’s easy for you to skip past all you should be thankful for—that he doesn’t sexualize you, that he doesn’t consider you an option for the fuck-and-go experiences he tends to have, and that maybe, just maybe, therefore you’re not seen as disposable. All of those, while in ways reassuring, are drowned out by a single underlying fact: in a world where Jungkook knows not love but lust, where his touch is reserved for only the bright who catch his eye, you’re but a white dwarf to his starry gaze, all but faded and extinguished. Nearly a dead star, you’re empty of whatever he searches for, of whatever he wants, and so what little he gives you are never meant to get.

The thought rings around your eardrums enough seconds for your smile to drop and your teeth to clench, but you’re quick to put on a mask of vague confusion and annoyance. Even your tone comes out dry.

“Jee, thanks? I’m flattered I can contain my hormones in check.”

“It’s because you’re never here when she’s ovulating–she gets hornly as hell,” Tae counters just when the youngest opens his mouth, eyes on him before they settle on you. His gaze goes soft, as if asking if you’re okay in between the jabs, speaking the words he isn’t. But you’re too busy almost choking, heat spreading from your ears and along your cheeks, to notice it. The thought that he spoke to shut Jungkook up not crossing your mind. “I don’t really understand why you never do anything about it, love. Could literally be getting love-fucked right about now.”

“Taehyung, what the fuck?” you squeak, embarrassment threatening to consume you, but thankful nonetheless it’s a type of distraction. You don’t see Jungkook blink in confusion, nor his repeated whisper of Tae’s new word. You focus on the way Namjoon pinches Tae’s arm. It earns him a glare and a yelp.

“Leave her alone, man,” Joon chides, making you smile again without entirely understanding the look they briefly share.

“What? She knows I love her,” Tae says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He’s always quick to butter you up with it. “You do know that, don’t you?”

“Yes. But if we could just shift the topic to something besides my non-existent love life I’d love that even more."

"What?” Joon opens his mouth after a blink, suddenly intrigued because as far as he’s concerned, you were practically dating last you spoke to him about that. Only, you weren’t–aren’t, and even if he is on your side in this conversation, he’s too big of an information hoarder (read: gossip) to let it go from the get go. “But I thought the date with Jaebum went okay?”

You give him a look. “Date? We were studying for our midterms, like I told you.”

“Oh, I thought– but he looks so interested in you…”

Taehyung nods along, “Yea, whenever he sees me he asks about you.”

“Wait, are we talking about Jackson-hyung’s friend?” Jungkook asks, tone mildly curious. You drown the words out, but his voice still makes your throat close up for a few seconds longer.

“Yup,” Namjoon confirms, “You know him?"

"Never actually talked to him, but Yugyeom hangs with him from time to time. Seems nice enough,” Jungkook shrugs, turning to you with a soft, encouraging smile. “I don’t know if he likes you but if you’re interested I could ask–”

“I’m not,” you snap, jaw clenching. Your fingers stiffly hold onto the chopsticks, a flimsy attempt at ignoring the way your bones hold your heart before it slips and falls. And it does fall, because you can already feel the sickening feeling pooling and spreading from your stomach and along your limbs. You notice it so quickly that you remind yourself, like a mantra, that this is ridiculous, that you shouldn’t even be feeling this way. Yes, he doesn’t like you. You knew that already, Y/N. Going from point A to point B, it’s logical he doesn’t care if you date anyone, that he encourages it as long as you’re into it. But you don’t want his kindness.

Hurt flashes over Jungkook’s gaze as you stare him down, but it’s gone so quickly you’re unsure if it was there in the first place. Still, the thought you might have caused it doesn’t sit well with you. It quickly forms a lump in your throat, making you swallow before softening your features.

“I’m– I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like an ass,” your voice comes out a whisper, and you turn back to your plate. Jungkook’s own “it’s okay,” is too soft your ears. You know you have to behave normally, quickly. So you press your lips together and offer them a dramatic sigh to at least begin to sound believable.

“I’d just rather none of you did anything. I already know he likes me, he’s asked me out before,” you confess, voice somehow unwavering. It gives the push you need to put on a mask of indifference as you look head on, not at Jungkook but at Joon. He looks surprised, but remains quiet. “And no, I didn’t accept. He is nice, but I–I don’t like anyone like that at the moment.”

It takes effort to finish the lie, to hide the sting in front of them–in front of him– but you have more than one tell. And Taehyung knows each and every one very well. The soft rebuke, the intensified interest in your noodles as the lie flowed through your lips. Tae knows you, sometimes better than you know yourself, and he knows he has to do what he does best: he shifts the tone.

“That’s okay. You’re too good for him anyways. But none of that matters because I just remembered something I find absurdly unforgivable,” Taehyung says, face going completely serious. His eyes are fixed on you with such intensity you wonder if he’s about to tell you the secrets of the universe, or his mom’s secret strawberry cheesecake recipe, which seems less likely. Instead he lets out the shrillest whine, “you did not tell me you love me back. Now explain to me, how am I supposed to continue on? What will inspire me now, huh?”

And just like that, the tense air begins to clear out.

“Eh, you’ll live,” you joke, physically unable to push back the tiny smile lighting up your face at his antics.

“Not like you’ve painted anything in ages, anyway,” Namjoon adds, teasing.

“Well, if I had any of my own paint,” Tae mutters, giving Jungkook a pointed look, “maybe I’d find some inspiration.”

Jungkook scoffed, “I have two tubes total, not your entirely collection, hyung.”

“Yes, but you have my favorite ones! Amethyst Shards and Indigo Fields are so hard to find, too…”

“I’m almost done with them anyways, just pass by tomorrow and pick them up,” Jungkook snickers, eyes crinkling at the other’s pout.

“Fine, but show me what you’re working on.”

Taking the moment to drift away, you grab the already empty plates and take them to the kitchen. It’s Namjoon’s turn to wash the dishes so you leave them be, and return to both of your boys huddled around Jungkook’s extended hand, phone on display.

You don’t know what you expected to see, but it’s definitely not the portrait of the girl he was kissing the other day. She’s laying on her side, naked on a bed of violets, and you can’t deny she’s beautiful. Your heart sinks further than before as you take in the level of detail he poured into his work, into her. The way her hair falls over her arms and tangles with the leafs underneath, the way a form of innocence is reflected on her eyes. They’re elements you see only because he sees them. Did she change his mind about relationships? Does he like her, just the way you like him? You don’t know– you don’t know anything at all.

You feel like puking your insides out. And you’re aware you’re at the end of the rope for the day, that the thin line is about to break, and that you can’t hold back the water pooling behind your eyes for much longer. So like usual, you try to flee.

At the very least you compliment his work, genuinely amazed by his ability, but that’s the last you can do before the masks starts to crack. You don’t register his grateful smile, nor anything after that, really. You just give Tae an offhand excuse you don’t really process, and without waiting for any sort of response you scurry out of the room, vision blurry.

By the time you’re inside safer walls, tears have already stained your cheeks.

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #bts fanfic #bts imagine #jungkook x y/n #bts jungkook #jungkook #bts fic #drabble series: dct

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k-popscenxrios · 5 years

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Didn’t Ask For This Part 15 (Roommate!JK x OC)

A/N: I am so tired, so sorry if there are a lot of grammar mistakes. I’m falling asleep while making this post! ^^; This is not the final part for those who might think that after reading. This would be such a lame way to end the story. I’ve got plans for (at least) two parts after this one!

Summary: “I didn’t know you hated me so much,” he spoke as he grabbed my wrist and once again turned me around to face him, “and quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough for you to hate me to the degree that you do.” “You say that like the hate isn’t mutual,” I remarked as he shook his head. There was a bitter smile on his face as he took a deep breath, “I think you are quite honestly one of the worst human beings I’ve had to come in contact with.”

5k words | drama/angst ✞ | fluff ♡ | mature themes ✗

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Finale

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

*Third Person POV*

The drive to the apartment was pure torture as Jungkook tried multiple times to get a hold of Ari yet again. She didn’t pick up any of his calls as he sighed and shook his head. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm his shaking hands. How the hell could he handle this stressful conversation knowing that RaeAri is mad at him?

He took a deep breath and tried to call her yet again, but she was adamant about not answering him. He felt nothing short of terrified of having this conversation with Taehyung. He always assumed that if he were present for the reveal of their relationship, RaeAri would also be there.

Nothing could prepare him to go into this alone.

As he pulled into the parking lot, his blood began to run cold. He sent several apology texts to Ari while he was still sitting in his car, trying to do anything he could to avoid having to go inside.

It wasn’t long before Jungkook finally made his way into the building and up the stairs, taking his time with each step. Every stair he climbed, the more deafening his thoughts were. Why was he having to go into this alone? Why was the universe this cruel to him?

The door finally came into sight as Jungkook felt his heart drop to his feet. What was he even supposed to say? He doesn’t know what Taehyung knows and doesn’t know. For all he knows, Soomin may have just simply said that something is going on between Jungkook and RaeAri that they aren’t telling him.

Jungkook tried to talk himself into going up the last little bit of stairs to walk into the apartment, but he just… couldn’t. He had unknowingly rooted his feet to the floor. With a nervous swallow and a death grip on the handrail, Jungkook forced himself up the stairs.

Maybe he was being really dramatic about this, but he couldn’t help it. Everything was riding on this line; his friendship, his relationship, his housing… He didn’t know where he would even go if Taehyung kicked him out…

And not to mention that RaeAri is mad at him, and that thought refuses to leave his mind.

He finally stood face to face with the door as his shaking hand reached out to unlock it. There was no going back now.

He slowly opened the door, slightly jumping when his eyes met with Taehyung’s furious ones. So he had to know more than Jungkook hoped he would. With the death glare Taehyung’s giving him, there was no doubt that he knew a little too much.

Jungkook let the door close behind him as Taehyung stood up from his seat on the couch. The living room was deafeningly silent since the TV was off, and the air was filled with tension. Jungkook still didn’t know what he should say, but Taehyung seemed to be waiting for Jungkook to speak.

“Wh-What do you know?” he found himself cringing as the words left his mouth. That was not the right thing to say. Taehyung’s angry eyes flared up even more as he charged toward his friend, readying a punch. Jungkook braced for the contact, but when it collided with his face, it still hurt like crazy.

He winced, trying to hold all his words in. This conversation was very important, and he couldn’t snap at Taehyung for anything. He couldn’t afford to make his friend any angrier.

“You slept with my sister, you bastard,” Taehyung’s voice was filled with pure rage as Jungkook felt his stomach drop for the nth time today. Did Soomin only tell him about them sleeping together? She didn’t mention the fact that he’s hopelessly in love with her?

“T-Taehyung, you don’t know the full story,” Jungkook tried to defend, but Taehyung wasn’t really up for listening.

“What more is there to hear? You told me ten million times that nothing was going to happen. You told me that you wouldn’t make any moves on her. Tell me, is she only in love with you because you two slept together? Did you put her under some spell like you did Soomin?” Taehyung readied another punch as Jungkook found himself cowering, still not having recovered from the first punch to the cheekbone.

The contact hit his stomach this time as Jungkook gritted his teeth, trying to bare the pain the best he could. He took several seconds to get his breath back as Taehyung just stood and watched his doubled over form.

Once Jungkook was able to properly breathe again, he spoke the only words that he thought might help his situation.

“I’m in love with Ari.”

His voice was incredibly weak from being punched as hard as he was, but the emotion was still there. It wasn’t a half hearted confession; it was a raw and honest one. His voice broke from the mix of emotions he was feeling as he finally gave in to his overwhelming emotions. His hard and cool exterior was officially shattered as he dropped to the floor and let all his tears fall.

He didn’t cry often. The only times he’s cried in recent memory were either when he was drunk or when he went to his cousin’s funeral three years ago. He had stuck to his harsh and unbreakable exterior for so long that he had almost forgotten what it was like to cry.

Meeting RaeAri was quick to change him. She cried over him all the time, and every time he saw it, he felt like crying, himself. He’d only allowed her to see him cry a few times, but he was done playing tough. He wasn’t fooling anyone with it at this point.

RaeAri has made him remember that he’s more than a cold-hearted, arrogant asshole. He does have a heart, and it’s a very fragile one, at that. He never thought he’d be broken so easily by someone, but he would never take any of it back.

“How fucking pathetic,” Taehyung spat, “Don’t lie like that just to keep me from beating your ass.”

Jungkook looked up at his friend as he felt their closeness fading. They had been friends for so long, and just the thought of losing him made Jungkook lose it.

It didn’t take long for Taehyung to notice that Jungkook wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing on the floor beneath him. He struggled to keep a harsh expression on his face, but seeing his best friend drowning in tears was getting to him.

He’d never seen Jungkook look so broken…

“I am so h-helplessly in love with Ari,” Jungkook repeated through his sobs, hiding his face in his arm as he took several breaths to try and calm his pathetic sobbing. He looked like a complete mess, and Taehyung was finally able to see reason through his rage.

“That just doesn’t make any sense, Jeon,” Taehyung shook his head, but Jungkook’s mood didn’t shift. He watched Jungkook’s shaking hand as he took his phone out of his pocket, checking to see if he’d gotten anything from RaeAri.

Nothing.

His throat closed up as he dropped his phone to the floor and tried to wipe away his never ending tears, “She’s so mad at me that she won’t talk to me. I screwed everything up, and I can’t take anything back to fix it.”

Taehyung swallowed and found himself lowering to the ground in front of Jungkook. He took a deep breath as he felt emotions trying to get a hold of him. He’d only seen Jungkook cry a handful of times, and he knew to not take this lightly.

This situation was so much deeper than Taehyung realized.

“Kook,” Taehyung spoke softly as Jungkook took a deep, unsteady breath, “Why is she so mad at you?”

It took Jungkook several seconds to calm down to form coherent words, “I told Soomin too much, but she was pissing me off… I was trying to tell her that I fell for RaeAri, but she laughed it off. She started insulting her and was laughing at the prospect of me loving her.”

Taehyung stayed quiet as Jungkook wiped his tears, relieved to see that his tears were lessening. Seeing Jungkook so pitiful was not a sight that Taehyung wanted to get used to.

“I angrily confessed that I slept with RaeAri because I love her, and once the words came out of my mouth, Soomin still didn’t believe me. She tried to text you to confirm what I said, but… I told her that we hadn’t gotten around to telling you. I gave her all the ammo she needed to ruin us, and Ari is super upset with me over it.”

Taehyung stayed silent as Jungkook swallowed, running both hands through his hair and slightly pulling at the roots, “When I drove to see Ari at work to apologize for hurting her with the whole Soomin situation, she told me that she was ready to tell you about us. I was unsure, but she told me that she thought you would be happy for us once you got used to seeing us together… She was finally ready to tell you and I just had to fuck everything up for her.”

Jungkook could tell that Taehyung’s anger wasn’t completely gone, but his eyes were mostly soft. He seemed to be taking all the information very well…

“I-I got a call from you and came straight over without saying anything to Ari about it. She ended up calling me, and I finally had the balls to tell her that I spilled everything to Soomin. I don’t even know how to begin apologizing to her…” Jungkook got a little choked up as he tried to get out his next words.

“I’m literally the worst, but I would do anything to be a better person if it meant Ari stayed by my side. I love her so damn much, Taehyung. I really… really do.”

Taehyung took a deep breath as he felt a chill run throughout his own body. He felt Jungkook’s sincerity in his words, and his guilt started to increase very quickly when he looked at the swelling on Jungkook’s cheek. He swallowed and stood up, holding his hand out to his friend.

“Let’s get some ice on that, man,” Taehyung spoke softly, “And don’t worry. I…”

Taehyung stopped as Jungkook’s hand grabbed onto Taehyung’s.

“I’m sure she won’t stay upset at you for long.”

My shift dragged on all day long as I felt myself wanting to pull my hair out. I had ranted to Jimin and Chaeyoung about everything all night, and they mostly stayed quiet while listening. Chaeyoung was obviously very upset over the whole ordeal, even going as far to call both Soomin and Jungkook ‘perfect for each other’.

I know that she didn’t mean it completely, but I couldn’t help but get sick over that thought. Just thinking about the two of them dating made me feel horrible. I might be mad at him, especially since I hadn’t heard from Taehyung all night about the situation, but I hated picturing me without him by my side.

I took several bathroom trips that night to try and calm down my slight panic attacks over how things were going with Jungkook and Taehyung. For all I knew, Jungkook was packing to move out already. I sure as hell wasn’t ready for that.

“If you haven’t heard from them, then maybe everything is okay,” Chaeyoung proposed as the three of us walked out to our cars.

“Especially since you haven’t gotten anymore apology texts from Jungkook. Things seem like they’re all okay,” Jimin nodded as I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around myself.

“I hope to God that you’re both right.” I nodded, unlocking my car once we got close enough, “I’m getting out of here. Sorry to leave so quickly.”

“Get outta here, Ari,” Chaeyoung laughed and waved me off, “Text me to tell me how it goes! Otherwise I’ll worry for you until I work with you again!”

I smiled and let a soft laugh out despite all the dread in my stomach, “Alright. I’ll keep you updated.”

We all parted ways as I finally stepped into my car, resting my forehead on the steering wheel and closing my eyes. I wasn’t ready to go home… I was dying to call Jungkook, but I was still really pissed at him for this. It’s all his fault that any of this drama happened today…

I didn’t even know if I was going to stay mad at him when I get home, but judging from how much I miss him, I’ll probably forgive him the second our eyes meet again.

That man has me wrapped around his finger.

…

I took a deep breath as I walked up to the door of the apartment. The hallway was deafeningly silent as I swallowed, pulling my hair out of its increasingly uncomfortable ponytail. I sighed in relief at the feeling of my hair falling lose, only to come back to the reality of the stress in front of me.

Without another moment's hesitation, I pushed my key into the lock of the door, unlocking it as quietly as possible.

There was no way that they weren’t waiting for me to come home since they knew what time I got off today, but I tried to be discrete anyway.

I pushed the door open slowly, and as I expected, Jungkook was sitting on the couch. The confusing part was that Taehyung was nowhere to be seen. I felt confusion fill my features as Jungkook’s eyes were quick to lock onto mine. He stood up and started walking over to me as I let the door shut behind me. I looked to the dining table, and Taehyung wasn’t there, either.

“Ari,” Jungkook whispered as I looked back over at him. The softness in his voice melted my heart as I stood right in front of him. I noticed some swelling in his face as I looked at his cheek. He had a little bit of a black eye, but most of the swelling was on his right cheekbone.

So Taehyung was definitely here at one point…

“I’m so damn sorry,” Jungkook spoke again, his voice still soft and somber. I felt my heart breaking as I sighed and quickly gave in to him. Why’d he have to look so pitiful? He’s never looked so broken in the time I’ve known him. I don’t think he even looked this sad when Jennie broke up with him in high school, but then again, I hardly knew him back then.

“It’s okay, Jungkook,” I nodded calmly as Jungkook sighed and leaned his forehead against mine. I felt my breath being knocked out of me as I looked up at him, seeing his eyes close as he leaned into me. His arms slowly trailed around my waist as I moved my hands to his shoulders.

I was about to open my mouth to ask about Taehyung, but my voice stopped in my throat as I saw a tear fall from Jungkook’s eyes. Panic immediately filled me as I started over analyzing things. Was he saying goodbye to me? Was Taehyung kicking him out?

Was it over between us?

I reached up and wiped his tears as my own started building up. I felt my hands start to shake from anxiety of the unknown, and Jungkook’s tears were making me even more paranoid.

“What’s wrong? It’s okay, I forgive you Jungkook. You have nothing to c-cry for,” I tried to stay calm, but I wasn’t doing a very good job. I couldn’t let go of him. Just the thought of never seeing him again terrified me.

It was scary enough to know that the summer was eventually going to end, but to think that it might end with me never seeing Jungkook again…? I felt nauseous over it.

“I-I just… I wanted everything to go well with Taehyung… I wanted the two of us to tell him together…” he spoke, keeping his eyes closed as he squeezed me to him.

“W-Well, where is Taehyung?” I asked, finally having the courage to ask the question that I wanted to ask the second I walked in.

Jungkook stayed silent as I felt my worries grow more and more. Why wasn’t he answering me?! It was killing me!

“I love you, Jungkook,” I whispered, trying to get him to open his eyes. I placed his face in my hands, careful to not irritate the bruise on his cheek, “Please, tell me where Taehyung is. If there’s anything that I need to fix, I’ll fix it, okay? I’ll fix it, so please stop crying, Kookie…”

He took a deep breath at my words, finally opening his eyes to look at me. I moved my hands to his shoulders as I violently grabbed at the material. He swallowed and his eyes left mine to trail down the hallway. I let my eyes follow his as I spotted a very familiar figure in the hall.

“Taehyung’s here.”

Jungkook allowed me to pull away from him as I stood still, looking in the eyes of my brother. He looked very calm, but also very worried. I took a deep breath and walked down the hallway towards him. He moved in my direction as well, stopping right in front of me.

“Tae,” I furrowed my eyebrows, slowly hating the look he was giving me. It made me nervous and feel so pitiful standing next to him. He was keeping me on edge with his silence as I took a deep breath to keep calm.

“I-I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, myself. I really wanted to be the one to tell you…” I started off my apology as I noticed the smallest, slightest smile appear on his face. I swallowed, trying not to get any hopes up about how this was going to go.

“I… you have no idea how badly I wish this didn’t happen between the two of you,” Taehyung spoke honestly, but I didn’t flinch. In a way, I didn’t completely disagree with him. Life would have been so much less complicated if I had fallen for Hoseok. He could have given me the relationship that I thought I always wanted.

But that didn’t happen, and I wouldn’t change it for all the money in the world. I love the unpredictability of Jungkook and his actions. I love his stupid snarky comments that he obviously doesn’t mean, and I love the way he riles me up. I love how in the span of just a couple weeks, I was able to take some closed off jerk like Jungkook and open him up. I was able to look deep inside who he really is. I love him, and I don’t want to picture my life with anyone else.

I wanted Taehyung to understand just how hard I’ve fallen for Jungkook. Not asshole Jungkook, but real and raw Jungkook.

“But,” Taehyung’s voice cut off my thoughts as I put my focus back on him, “I’ve never seen you look so… happy, Ari… disregarding today, of course. Even if I wanted to, I could never rip you two apart.”

I felt my eyes widen as my brain slowly processed the true weight of his words. He was going to accept this? He’s not going to force Jungkook out of my life?

“I don’t know how I’m going to handle this relationship, honestly. If you two could keep the lovey dovey PDA out of my sight for a while, I would really appreciate-”

He cut himself off as I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and hugging him tight against me. I felt tears of relief falling into the material of his shirt as he wrapped his arms around me to return the hug.

“I love you, Tae,” I laughed through the tears as he buried his nose in my hair.

“I love you, too, Ari.”

The silence was comfortable as I just stayed in Taehyung’s arms for a little while longer. I never imagined that Taehyung would accept the two of us so quickly. I thought we’d have to go through weeks of an angry Taehyung who tried to avoid us at all costs. I assumed that he would attempt splitting the two of us apart before we grew even more attached to each other.

Taehyung had always been very critical of who he let be around me. He didn’t like any of my male friends in high school, and he made sure that I knew, as well as all my male friends. They didn’t dare come too close to me after being threatened by someone like Taehyung. He was usually a laid back big brother, but he didn’t just sit back and let me date whoever I wanted.

I used to resent him for cock-blocking me for so long. He could be such a terrible brother to me, and I used to swear that I was going to hate him for the rest of our lives over the smallest things.

But the brother I was holding to me was a more relaxed version of his high school self. He’s grown to trust me, and it made me feel like I was finally doing something right in his eyes. His fast acceptance also made me become increasingly curious about what happened when I was at work. Taehyung was obviously furious enough to give Jungkook a harsh punch to the face…

The two of us pulled away as I looked up at my older brother with a soft smile. I wiped my tears away and swallowed, a giggle nearly coming out of my mouth from my next words.

“Wanna play Wii Sports?”

I could sense the confusion from both Taehyung and Jungkook as I spun around to get the Wii ready for us to play. The two guys just stood next to each other and watched me as I looked over at the two of them. I bit back a smile as I turned the TV on, walking over to the couch.

“Wii Sports?” Taehyung sounded so confused as I just smiled and nodded.

“I’m sick of how depressing this room feels. Let’s do something to try and take our minds off of it.”

Jungkook snickered at my justification as he grabbed a controller without another thought, “Alright. I’d love a good distraction.”

Taehyung just continue to watch us carefully as I grabbed the third controller and held it out to him. He looked at it for a couple seconds before a sigh left his mouth and a smile appeared on his face.

“Fine, you got me,” he grabbed the controller as I took a deep breath and looked between the two men. Taehyung was already focused on starting a game of tennis as Jungkook lightly protested, saying that it wouldn’t be fun to play tennis with three people.

“What do you mean it won’t be fun? I’m going to play both and front and back positions and I’m still going to beat you and Ari’s team.”

I watched Jungkook as he rolled his eyes as I felt my heart swell. I could still see his puffy redness from the tears he had just been crying, but his mood had already brightened significantly. I knew that not all of our problems were solved in this situation, but it was nice to know that despite everything, we could all still be comfortable around each other.

“Bring it on, Tae,” I spoke as he glanced my way with a soft smile. I looked away from him and back at the TV as we started the game of tennis. Needless to say, Taehyung won very easily against the two of us.

“I call bullshit,” Jungkook mumbled, sour about losing against a man playing two characters against two real people. How did he manage to blow them out of the water?

“I’m not a tennis pro for no reason,” Taehyung winked to his miffed friend as I bit my lip. If moments like this were what I had to look forward to in the future, everything was going to be okay. Even if they’ll be gone after the summer ends, another summer will come next year. I doubt that Jungkook would refuse to stay with me over the summer again.

“You know,” I spoke out loud in the middle of our bowling match. Taehyung was trying to keep up with Jungkook and I, but he didn’t truly have a chance to win. “I want to go bowling again with everyone. Bowling in real life is fun despite how horribly I suck.”

Both guys laughed as Jungkook nodded. Taehyung turned to me and slightly bounced the couch with excitement. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

I smiled and nodded, pulling my phone out to pull up my calendar. Taehyung zoned out for a minute as it was his turn to bowl. Ouch, he got a spilt that’s nearly impossible to redeem.

I paused from looking at my calendar as my eyes locked onto Jungkook’s. I hadn’t looked his direction too much since earlier when he had broken down and cried. I felt relief wash over me with his smile comforting me from afar. I loved that man too much for my own good…

“I’ll be right back, Taehyung spoke after finishing his frame off, only having hit one of the split pins. I didn’t ask where he was running off to, and Jungkook didn’t, either.

The second he left the room, Jungkook hopped from the smaller couch to sit next to me on the bigger couch. He was sitting where Taehyung was only seconds ago, and I felt myself moving closer to him.

“How’d you do it?” I asked him as he raised his eyebrows. I ran my fingers through his hair to relax him as he sighed and leaned into my touch. He turned his body towards mine, softly guiding me to sit in his lap.

I felt my face heat up at the foreign feeling. I’d never sat in Jungkook’s lap before, but feeling how close we were made me quickly realize how much I loved this feeling.

“I just told him about how much I love you,” Jungkook spoke softly, his breath brushing against my lips. I felt a shiver run through my body as he opened his eyes, staring deep into mine. “Eventually, he realized just how badly I need you in my life.”

I felt my heartbeat increase at his words, and I buried my other hand in his hair. I leaned forward to kiss him, surprised when he pulled back before our lips met. He was quick to lean in to my ear and give it some light kisses.

“You know, we never got to finish what we started at work,” he mumbled as my cheeks heated up, radiating heat from them because of how hot they were.

“Well it’s going to have to wait until Taehyung’s not home,” I spoke as Jungkook growled impatiently.

“The roof is still open for business,” he spoke as he pulled away from my ear to look into my eyes. This man looked like he was ready to devour me in one bite.

I was about to protest, but Jungkook’s lips stopped mine from forming any words. I quickly leaned into the kiss as it quickly turned into a hot and heavy kiss. His tongue waste no time infiltrating my mouth as I lowly mumbled into his mouth. He moved my legs to straddle him as I lightly gasped, feeling his arousal against me. He bit his lip and rolled his hips into mine as I leaned my forehead against his.

“God, why are you so irresistible?” I slightly glare, but it’s half hearted. “You’re too horny for your own good. No wonder you used to sleep around with girls all the time. You can’t keep your dick in your pants.”

Jungkook glared and grinded against me again as I found myself moaning into his ear.

“You wanna know where I want my dick to be?” he asked as I felt my face turn a permanent shade of red. He grabbed my chin and moved my face to be in front of his. His eyes were already undressing me as I let out a slight laugh. I moved against him as his face twisted in a way I wanted to see for the rest of my life.

“Just kiss me before Taehyung comes back, Kook.”

His hot mouth engulfed mine as he moved his hands to grab my ass and grind me against him. I sighed against his lips before going back in for another passionate kiss. His scent was swallowing me whole as I gave my every sense to focus on him. I memorized every touch, every kiss, and every moan as I pulled at Jungkook’s dark locks.

“I love you,” I moaned into his ear as his breathing became unsteady. His hands were under my shirt and cupping my breast over my bra when I said it, and his darkened eyes were quick to soften.

“I love you, too,” he snickered before slipping his hand behind my back. I felt my eyes widen as he started to attempt unhooking my bra. I opened my mouth to scold him when Jungkook and I both jumped at the sound of a door opening. We quickly scrambled away from each other as I threw Jungkook a blanket to hide his very obvious erection.

“You two didn’t bowl without me?” Taehyung asked as he walked into the room with a raised eyebrow. I tried to not look as embarrassed as I felt, but Taehyung was too intuitive for our own good. He studied me carefully before his face twisted in disgust.

“I was gone for less than five minutes! You guys are gross,” he scrunched his nose up as I just let a soft smile appear on my face.

I could definitely get used to life being like this.

A/N: I hope that this chapter wasn’t disappointing! For some reason I’m not as proud of it as I am other parts? Thanks for reading! I’m off to bed now! ^^;

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

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hcneymilkks · 6 years

Photo

Bestfriend! Kim Sunggyu (INFINITE)

- mKAY so like ppl are probs like why this sir and LET ME TELL YOU SMTH...Kim Sunggyu is literally so handsome and lmao I would love him as a BFF but I know already that I will be given lectures and scolded at ahaha

- also because I miss INFINITE a lot

- trust me y’all will like this or else I’m throwing y’all into the gutter.

- wow my first drabble of 2019 what a great start to life

- ^^ jk i skipped out on studying to write this mr sunggyu wouldn’t like this.

- ANYWAYS

- o right, it’s based on this random dialogue prompt I found on Instagram:

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Don’t care. Shut up.”

- this sounds like me and one of my guy friends who I call a grandpa....honestly grandpa Gyu is ikonic so that’s why we use him MKAY

- ANYWAYS

- bff’s with Infinite YeS please

- Golden Child too girl ya living the dream

- younger sister of Sungyeol and Daeyeol so of course music was in your blood

- ofc you were debating on becoming a trainee but then you were like “psh I don’t even do school work it’s too much effort.”

- so you instead support your annoying brothers on the sidelines...sometimes backstage on music shows where you see your favs

- the many times you come into Woollim entertainment w/ or w/o your brothers has been many times to the point that the staff knows who you are.

- heck may as well add in the CEO

- “yo idiots I brought food for you and mom is asking how you guys are.”

- ^^ what nice of a sibling you are.

- then again they call you names too so it’s natural

- chubs is their favorite one after watching Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo

- anyways skip skip to the good tea

- meaning this is where bff Sunggyu comes in

- so like Sungyeol’s group always practices in the same practice room and Daeyeol’s is the one beside it

- and like of course you have seen Seungyeol’s groupmates on t.v but not in real life..yet

- and what do ya do?

- yo bitchass here’s your food i brought extra for-OHMYGOD YOU’RE NOT SEUNGYEOL SKSKSK”

- “um....excuse but who u?”

- tryna remember who is who in ur brain.

- “mkay so my leader is Sunggyu, hes the oldest so we call him Grandpa Gyu. he looks small and has small eyes.” - award of the year goes to Seungyeol tryna describe his leader in the “NICEST” way possible to his confused sister

- “AH! YOU’RE GRANDPA GYU!” you pointing at him.

- cue dramatic silence and hysteric laughing

- “excuse?”

- “SHIT I MEAN UH HELLO SUNGGYU OPPA THIS IS FOOD FOR SUNGYEOL OPPA AND ALL OF YOU UYS IF YOU WANT SOME AND UH...BYE!”

- cringes at thyself and mentally scolds them for calling the well-respected leader Grandpa Gyu

- but that’s the start of a beautiful friendship

- on the other hand:

- “No I’m serious who’s that?”

- “It’s my sister Y/N. I guess she didn’t receive my text that I didn’t need her to bring food for me.”

- “Why did she call me Grandpa Gyu?” *cue little mouse leader Sunggyu angry mode*

- “uh...YEET!”

- another skip skip

- you come back again after apologizing profusely to Sunggyu in which he responds with;

- “Oh it’s no problem it has been dealt with already.”

- despite the nine? ten? year age gap y’all hit it off pretty well.

- “Y/N whatthehell I know how to send a text.”

- “Then tell me why it’s still in the unsent mode.”

- “...oh.”

- you teach him the new trends and in return you gain wisdom

- o man here’s a example

- “Y/N wat is a maymay?” -Christian Yu I kennat

- “huh?”

- “it’s spelled m-e-m-e.”

- “t-that’s a meme.” laughing so hard your stomach hurts.

- you ain’t ready for the wisdom part yet so it coming soon

- NICKNAMES ARE A YES

- “you’re old. I’m calling you a grandpa.”

- “what why?” although he small, he fight....But Sungyu wouldn’t hurt you

- “You’re literally legal everywhere...you passed the age limit like fifty years ago.”

- “Y/N i’m not one-hundred...not even close.”

- “still, you old and I’m still a child.”

- “I am not a grandpa you child. I run faster.”

- You look at him. “Not with those short legs I see. And only I can call myself a child”

- cue Sunggyu fighting the urge not to strangle you then and there. “I don’t care I’m calling you child.”

- here’s the wisdom part at: (texting version)

- GYU: Y/N, wehn u turn lgeal dont dirnk k

- GYU: is ad for u

- GYU: no dnrinking k

- GYU: u git no job. git eddicted ot it. si bad

- GYU: on do

- translation: Y/N, when you turn legal don’t drink okay. its bad for you. no drinking okay. you get no job. get addicted to it. is bad. no do.

- Y/N: Grandpa, are you drunk?

- GYU: on

- GYU: no*

- needless to say, when you reminded Sunggyu that you already passed the legal drinking age, he nodded and said “I know.”

- Seeing drunk Sunggyu would be so funny

- other than drunk texts, y’all have so many blackmail photos/vids of each other it’s impossible to still have space on your phone

- although you are close with the other Infinite members, Sunggyu is the person you go to advice for.

- “So if a guy likes you how do they show it?”

- “Y/N ask your brothers this...not me. Anyone else but me.”

- “No I asked both Sungyeol and Daeyeol once and they literally said chubs, he probs was looking at the window.

- ^^ cue Sunggyu scolding both Sungyeol and Daeyeol for saying something like that.

- Even if Sunggyu is sometimes harsh, he still loves you a lot and has officially (probably) adopted you as his own child adding on to the other six children he has to watch

- I ain’t letting Hoya go I’m sorry

- He honestly would protect you forever and would risk his life for you

- he be the older brother you never had

- JK you love Sungyeol and Daeyeol a lot but they be too much at times

- Oh, homework help

- “And then they did it like this but I don’t understand how we got this number to this number.”

- “Wait hold on this wasn’t how I was taught.” - Rip getting Sunggyu to help ya

- So instead of him helping you it goes like this:

- “Shut up.”

- “Y/N I said nothing I literally just breathed.”

“ Don’t care. Shut up. I need to concentrate. You’re no help”

- “If you show me how they did it-”

- “Sunggyu I just showed you.”

- Y/N that is not the way I learned it.”

- “well grandpa your way is ancient now, math is always changing.”

- “HOWTF CAN MATH ALWAYS BE CHANGING.”

- Heated arguments like this would turn into...laughter.

- Yup, there may be serious times but mostly, your guys’ friendship is filled with smiles and laughter and great memories you never want to let go.

- uh...I guess we can end here because i have run out of ideas mkay bye

-SKSKS WAIT i THOUGHT OF ONE MORE THING

- BONUS CONTENT:

- “who’s ur bias in INFINITE?”

- “Dongwoo”

- “wat why? Y/N I thought we were tight? You were supposed to be my ride or die.”

- “grandpa Gyu please don’t say those words ever again that’s not trending right now.”

-okay im done now bye

#infinite #kim sunggyu #drabble #k-pop #point form #bestfriend au

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stevethehairington · 6 years

Note

for yo character headcanons: our bois sam, steve and bucky ILY

thank youuuuu for the ask my dear! this is gonna be a fun one haha. ily tooo

character headcanons

Sam:

1. sexuality headcanon

i feel like sam could probably fall under the pansexual label; most of my ships for him are with females so it wasn’t until i got into the sam/riley ship that i really gave his sexuality a lot of thought. but yeah i adore sam being with riley and honestly the idea of him being with like steve or bucky too is good too, i could defs see him getting his flirt on with those two dorks.

2. otp

this is. so hard. bc like. i can see sam with literally so many different people. like i love sam/riley, but i also really love sam/maria, and then sam/natasha is nice too, and really really oddly i thought of sam/becca today and like. at least in the fic i’m considering writing atm, it works really well so yeah. idk if i have a solid otp for sam. i guess i usually stick with either riley or maria though depending on the situation.

3. brotp

oh man. literally the steve/sam brotp and the sam/bucky brotp and the sam/steve/bucky brotps give me so much life. all three of these losers are so good together they play off of each other so well theyre really the Dream Team.

i also really like sam and natasha’s friendship too, i’ve seen some fics get it really good.

4. notp

uhhh, there aren’t really any sam ships that just out to me as a Major No. i guess i’m not super into the idea of sam and clint being a thing? but like it doesn’t really bother me as a ship in general or anything.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head

okay in any fic i write in which it’s a no powers au (so like most of what i write lmao) i have this hc that sam is dubbed the bird whisperer in anyone’s phone. so he was at the park with steve or bucky or whoever he’s mainly friends with in the fic and while he was there he ended up doing something (not quite sure what, maybe i’ll figure that out and write about it one day who knows) and whatever he did brought all the birds to his yard and they l o v e d him, and some even followed him around a little, thus he was dubbed the bird whisperer.

6. one way in which i relate to this character

i too would do anything for steve rogers. lmao no for real though, sam has a really good loyalty about him and he’s willing to do anything for his friends (i.e. take them in, fight with/for them, etc. etc.) and i like to think that those are qualities i have as well.

7. things that give me second hand embarrassment about this character

i honestly can’t think of anything rn?? like sam’s a p cool, suave dude, he hasn’t really done anything, at least in canon, that makes me super cringe in embarrassment.

8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll for sure!

Steve:

1. sexuality headcanon

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISEXUAL MY DUDE. listen there is no way n o w a y steve rogers is not a bisexual man. i mean, come on. have yall seen the movies? steve rogers is in love with bucky barnes, peggy carter, sam wilson, natasha romanoff, and the list probably goes on. no but for real, bucky is literally his life partner, the love of his entire fucking life. tws?? a romcom for fuckin sure. but he also really was in love with peggy carter in tfa, i mean who wouldn’t be she’s fuckin badass and hot af and just a kickass woman. i’m in love with her too steve. and then you cannot tell me he isn’t flirting with sam at the beginning of tws because he so is. and i bet while bucky was Gone he probably somehow got his hands on some of thor’s asguardian mead or whatever at some avengers party and he and nat drunkenly kissed a little just to see what it was like (yknow before she got with clint ofc). but seriously this boy is a Bisexual Disaster and we all know it.

2. otp

is this even a question? obviously its stucky. they’re my reason for breathing tbh. no jk but i love them to death and listen you cannot tell me that they are not fucking soulmates okay? bc they are. they ARE. there is literally not a single heterosexual explanation for a n y t h i n g they do. the “keeping the uniform” bit in tfa? gay! the “shared experience” line? gay! breaking through 70+ years of brainwashing by reciting your wedding vows? gay! they are so in love it hurts!!

3. brotp

i have a lot of steve brotps tbh. i love the steve/natasha friendship so so sooo much. i really love how they did it in tws and i really just love the idea of them being close with each other like that. i also really love the steve/sam friendship ofc too. they play off of each other so well, and their flirty banter gives me lifeeee. i do like a good steve/tony friendship as well, and i like steve/wanda friendship too, i feel like they have a good relationship.

4. notp

steve/sharon lmao. okay so like. i don’t exactly hate it, as in i don’t have a problem with the ship if it were done right. but bc it was so poorly done in the mcu i Do Not like it and i Do Not support. like the timing was horrible, it was all very no homo, the fact that she’s peggy’s niece and they flirt literally right after her funeral was in such poor taste and it makes me seriously uncomfortable, and also the way the mcu totally made sharon’s character nothing more than a love interest, and a really poorly done one too, just pisses me off bc she couldve been a really badass character if they wanted to make her one. so yeah. there’s just a lot of reasons why i Do Not like this ship. but it doesn’t like squick me or anything and i can tolerate it as like an old ship in fics, like she was steve’s ex before he met bucky or smth like that.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head

6. one way in which i relate to this character

i too would wbecome a wanted government fugitive and fight anyone who got in the way for bucky barnes

7. things that give me second hand embarrassment about this character

again, i can’t really think of anything that gives me too much second hand embarrassment about steve… i guess maybe just the fact that he’s a disaster when it comes to his feelings for people can make me have to look away and shake my head at his dumbass antics lmao.

8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon role fo sho

Bucky:

1. sexuality headcanon

BIIIIIIIIIISEXUAL AS WELL MY DUDEEE. i could see bucky as straight up gay as well, but i like to stick with the bisexual label bc 1. im bisexual and i like to see my faves as bi too lmao and 2. i do think that he genuinely did like going out with girls back in the 40s and taking them dancing and shit. like he was definitely flirty and suave and good with the ladies but i dont think it was all for show. like i think he really did like those girls. ofc he loves steve though, like i said, soulmates! but yeah, my boy is defs bisexual too!

2. otp

again, obviously stucky, see above for my rantings and ramblings about why lmao.

3. brotp

i have a lot of brotps for bucky too lol. i fuckin love the banter between bucky/sam, like the mcu did that right! and i hope that their show can deliver more of this Good Content. they work so well, it’s that love/hate realtionship and i am Here For It. they secretly love each other as best friends despite what it may seem. i also really really really love the bucky/natasha friendship, like sign me the fuck up!! they would be the best of friends and i just. love this friendship so much. i also like the bucky/clint friendship too, i feel like these two dumbasses would get up to some good shit together lol.

4. notp

hmmm, i guess i could say bucky/tony for this. like. i don’t know much about this ship and i dont read for it or anything so i really just dont like it bc i cant see them together romantically or anything. so like idk if i can call that a notp bc i dont hate it or anything, it’s just not my cup of tea.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head

this one is tried and true but it’s always the first bucky hc that pops into mind. bucky was drafted, he didn’t enlist on his own. he refuses to tell steve that though bc of how fucking scared he is about it and bc he knows how much steve wants it, he doesnt want steve to think hes ungrateful or doesnt care about his country or anything like that. so he hides his letter away somewhere he knows steve will never find it.

steve only finds out when he finds bucky on the table in azzano reciting his number which evidently, gives up the fact that he was drafted.

6. one way in which i relate to this character

i too would follow that little guy from brooklyn that was too dumb not to run away from a fight to the jaws of death klgsj. no but really, bucky doesnt like to fight, he doesnt. he never wanted to go to war in the first place, he’s not the one that starts the fights, only finishes steve’s when he can’t, and he’s tired of war and fighting and all that. and i think that that’s something i have in common with bucky, that i dont want to fight unless it’s the last resort. like i’d rather try to civally solve a problem than jump straight to the arguing and fighting bits yknow?

7. things that give me second hand embarrassment about this character

again, i can’t think of much that embarrasses me about bucky. he’s a p chill dude.

8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll and you can’t tell me otherwise.

#asks #character tag #character ask #steve rogers #bucky barnes #sam wilson #stucky #marvel #forevermarvelsbitch

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elcall · 6 years

Text

aistars character writing meme

I saw this around and decided to try it out ^^

Rules: List your 12 favorite characters from your favorite fandom and answer these questions.

1. Ako

2. Laura

3. Mahiru

4. Yuzu

5. Kanata

6. Tsubasa

7. Haruka

8. Yozora

9. Yume

10. Koharu

11. Subaru

12. Hime

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Tsubasa and Subaru. LOL no X’D I’ve seen Tsubasa and Kanata strangely enough... and they made Ako a bad guy like wth

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

Yuzu? Err... well her theme is summertime ^^”

3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Hime got... Y-Yozora... I... n-no comment.

4) Can you recall any fics about Nine?

YUME

i’d have amnesia if i didnt

5) Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Laura and Tsubasa. I mean, they could? Honestly I like them as senpai/kouhai but I totally prefer Ako and Tsubasa senpai/kouhai xP

6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

Kanata and Yume or Kanata and Koharu? AHHH LMAO both of these are so... cringe. Please- neither.

7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve kissing?

Haruka walks in on Laura and Hime kissing... Haruka wouldn’t really care. We would but uh, she wouldn’t. She’d totally be like okay cool, and then leave.

8) Is there any such thing as Seven/Twelve fluff?

Haruka and Hime fluff? Yea right Haruka barely exists.

9) Suggest a title for One/Eight hurt/comfort fic.

Ako and Yozora hurt/comfort fic. I... don’t really know about this... these two have never even interacted directly? OH WAIT. It would totally be based on Ako’s conflicted feelings about Subaru and Kanata :3 Yozora helping her figure it out maybe? (im talking about the bean throwing in that one ep xD) Title would be uhhh ive gotten worse at titles somehow “We Can Tell” or something idek

10) Does anyone on your friends list consider Three hot?

Mahiru. Uhh idk.

11) Do any of your friends write or draw Eleven?

Subaru. Yes, actually! I write him lol conceited much @melody-roses draws him sometimes and shares it with me :3 I mean a ton of people do but they aren’t my friends, I would say. More like, online acquaintances?

12) Would anyone one of your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

Laura, Yuzu, and Kanata. I mean under a rare situation that someone could set up, could I see this team up happening. With Laura and Yuzu in the student council and Yuzu and Kanata as counterpart dance class members something could be arranged. As for anyone writing it, I think it would be me who would but I’m not too interested in this team up so I guess the fandom will never see them :’(

13) If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

Yozora. I don’t really like song-fics tbh. Also the only music I listen to is Aikatsu music lmao

14) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Ako, Tsubasa, and Hime. Err maybe it would have a sadness/angst warning? I would write it about Ako being down/sad/depressed about not getting anything and her senpai Tsubasa and Hime comforting her :3 it makes me teary eyed just thinking about it TuT

15) When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Kanata. Pfffft I laugh. I read one today but he was only mentioned like twice. Still counts to me <3

16) (1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) dumps (1) for (9). (1), brokenhearted, goes on one date with (11), has an unhappy breakup with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

Ako and Haruka are in a happy relationship until Haruka dumps Ako for Yume. Ako, brokenhearted, goes on one date with Subaru, has an unhappy breakup with Hime, then follows the wise advice of Kanata and finds true love with Mahiru.

O.O

.... let’s switch up 5 & 3 and 7 & 11 and I will write this lol. jk its probably canon poor Ako she struggles so much even in fake stuff.

17) What would you title this fic and what would the warning be?

Umm “A Series of Breaking Ako’s Heart.” Heh idk xP

#meme #aikatsu stars

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thatgirlonstage · 7 years

Note

Could I request... BNHA (manga), Bakushima, a scenario where they've been clearly into each other for a while but Bakugou is Oblivious™ and Kirishima tries to get him to see it but in vain and so eventually Kirishima has to just... whack Bakugou over the head with it (figuratively or literally) ?

… *slides you a copy of the manga*

jk of course I’ll write that but like. Is that not also basically their canon dynamic lol.

Forgive my characterization, it’s the first time I’ve really tried to write these two. Also this got… long. Like I love it, but it’s Long. :/

Warning: SERIOUS MANGA SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT CAUGHT UP ON THE MANGA.

Kirishima might have the hardest head in all of UA – rivaled only, perhaps, by Tetsutetsu – but he didn’t think he’d ever met anyone as dense as Bakugou Katsuki.

It had really started, he supposed, that first night in the dorms. After the whole “King of the Rooms” business had wound down, and after their conversation with Tsu, Kirishima had come downstairs in the quiet, unable to sleep. Bakugou was sprawled across the sofa, staring at the ceiling.

“I thought you went to bed,” Kirishima mentioned casually.

“You were all being so fucking noisy I couldn’t sleep,” Bakugou shot back, but there was no venom in it. Kirishima leaned on his elbows on the back of the sofa, next to Bakugou.

“Satou won the room contest, but only because he gave everyone cake,” he said.

“Like I care about your stupid room contest.”

“Yeah, the room contest thing was kinda stupid, but Satou’s cake was really good.” He licked his lips at the memory.

“What kind?” Bakugou asked shortly. Kirishima glanced sideways at him. His eyes were still firmly fixed on the ceiling, and he was still sneering, but he sat waiting for the answer.

“Chiffon. Super sugary. Well, that makes sense for him I guess. It would make my teeth ache eventually, and I guess it’s not an especially manly thing to eat,” he laughed. “But I’ll save a piece for you next time.” Bakugou didn’t respond for so long that Kirishima started to stand up and leave. When he finally did speak, it was so sudden that Kirishima almost fell over.

“My dad likes baking.” Steadying himself with a hand pressed into the sofa, Kirishima turned fully toward Bakugou, unable to stop himself raising an eyebrow.

“And you like setting his bread and cakes on fire?” he asked. Bakugou’s face knitted into a snarl, finally turning to look at him.

“I don’t just set everything on fire!” he shouted. Kirishima stood, crossing his arms, meeting Bakugou’s glare with skepticism, until, abruptly and unexpectedly, it melted away, and Bakugou flopped his head back against the sofa, returning his gaze to the ceiling. “He really does make good cakes, when he gets a chance to.” Kirishima hovered for a long moment, uncertain whether he ought to leave or not. Bakugou stayed silent. The only noise was the gentle breeze from the air vent. Kirishima began to walk back towards the door.

“I’ll make sure he bakes one if you ever visit,” Bakugou said. Kirishima stopped dead, a jolt of electricity racing up his spine. Slowly, he returned to his previous position, leaning over the back of the sofa.

“I have an uncle who’s a fisherman,” he said into the quiet. “Whenever I spend the weekend at his place he has the best fish I’ve ever tasted, they’re so fresh.”

Kirishima didn’t quite recall how it happened, only that they stayed down there, talking about nothing in particular until the sun came up. He remembered he never came around the sofa to just sit down, but at some point leaned so far he slid over the top of it, his head hanging down off the cushions, his legs still hooked over the top. He stayed there until the extra blood flow to his head started making him feel dizzy and he flipped upright, sitting next to Bakugou, both their arms flung out to the side yet carefully never touching. Neither of them said a word about it the next day, or let out a peep of complaint about being tired.

Bakugou was never easy to talk to, but after that he seemed like he finally wanted to talk to Kirishima. He would be rude and abrupt, but he wouldn’t shut him away from conversations – at least, not usually. There was the night he and Midoriya came from whatever fight they’d had, both of them black and blue with bruises, Bakugou’s eyes red as if from tears. He’d shoved Kirishima bodily away when he tried to ask what happened, tiny firebursts in his palm warning of the potential for a real explosion. Kirishima stepped back and didn’t ask again, not even as the weeks went by and Bakugou still refused to say a word about what had happened.

But most of the time, there was an element of his brutal honesty that Kirishima appreciated and respected. There was intelligence and calculation behind it. He wasn’t afraid of Bakugou, which he supposed helped – Bakugou’s explosions couldn’t hurt him unless he really decided he wanted to attack, and Kirishima trusted he wouldn’t do that.

There were days and nights when Bakugou would vent his rage to Kirishima, or occasionally on Kirishima’s room – he cringed at some of the burn marks left on his desk – but more often than not those nights ended calmly. He’d been almost frightened the first time the rage had just vanished out of Bakugou and he’d dropped like a rag doll into the chair next to him, muttering “Stupid fucking Deku,” as an end to a twenty-minute rant about Midoriya. He’d been quiet for almost five whole minutes before Bakugou snapped, “Are you going to say something or should I just leave?” They’d talked for three hours before Bakugou finally left for bed.

Kirishima had been waiting for a while for Bakugou to say something. He didn’t particularly want to make the first move himself, since Bakugou usually reacted to any display of serious emotion with SHUT UP YOU FUCKER I DON’T NEED TO WASTE MY TIME HEARING ABOUT THIS SHIT. But really, it was getting a bit ridiculous. He would have settled for actions over words, since that was more Bakugou’s modus operandi anyway, but Bakugou never initiated anything physical, even if he never jerked away when Kirishima’s arm or leg “accidentally” came to rest against his own. It wasn’t until Aoyama made some jibe about Uraraka and Midoriya’s occasional awkward flirting and Bakugou responded with a completely vacant look that it even occurred to Kirishima that Bakugou might not know how he felt.

Watching his conversations a bit more closely now, Kirishima realized with a sinking feeling that he was right. Bakugou had no idea how Kirishima felt about him. He tried getting more blatant, at first. He was no flirter, and Bakugou wouldn’t have responded well in any case, but he tried to slide suggestion and innuendo into the conversation from time to time. With his quirk, some jokes were almost too easy, and, he would have thought, painfully obvious. Yet, they provoked no reaction. He tried inching closer to him, so those occasional thigh touches became a constant of their talks. No reaction. He blatantly grabbed Bakugou’s knee and squeezed it when he was upset. That earned him the briefest quizzical look and absolutely nothing more.

He had a forty-eight hour crisis where he wondered if he was going insane and had misread every single signal Bakugou had given him. Maybe Bakugou wasn’t even gay, and Kirishima was about to walk into the biggest mistake of his life. He went to Mina in panic. She watched him, staring curiously, as he paced back and forth, tearing at his spiky hair. When he was done pouring out his insecurities, she held up a finger, and returned a moment later with Tsu.

“We don’t really know what to think about Bakugou being in a relationship,” Mina giggled. “But Tsu and I agree, if he has feelings for anyone, it’s definitely you.”

“What if he doesn’t have feelings for me at all, though?” Kirishima asked. His hair hung down and loose about his face as he tugged at it nervously. “What if he’s just my friend? I’m going to fuck that up completely if I say something.”

“You have to say what you’re thinking, Kirishima,” Tsu said, her wide eyes fixed on him. “It’s Bakugou. He’s probably too scared to admit he feels anything unless you say something first.”

“Bakugou. Scared.” Kirishima said flatly. Mina burst into giggles. Tsu ribbited.

“When it comes to feelings?” Mina asked. “Bakugou is terrified of those. Scared to admit he has a ‘weakness’? Abso-lutely.” She leaned back on her hand, grinning and winking at Kirishima, waving him out of her room. “Go on, lover boy, let us know how it goes.” He’d left somewhat comforted, but nowhere near ready to actually talk to Bakugou.

Bakugou came by less once Kirishima was off at his internship, busy with his remedial classes and still nursing the humiliation of having failed the provisional license exam, while Kirishima would drop into bed exhausted each night after the double work of his internship and continuing classes. Still, the night after he faced down the man with the quirk power-up drug Bakugou turned up at his door, looking furious and complaining about the stupid people in the remedial classes – “IcyHot is such a fucking goody two-shoes, he’s insufferable” – for an hour, but eventually his yawns overpowered him and he sat on the edge of the bed, quieting down. “Congratulations on your hero debut,” he muttered. Kirishima had beamed like the sun. He sat on the bed next to him, pressing their knees together.

“Fat had to bail me out,” he said in embarrassed honesty. “I almost let him trick me and get away. I’m too trusting.”

“You would’ve gotten him,” Bakugou said. Another yawn stretched his jaw. He flopped back on the bed, eyes drifting halfway closed. “You’ll make a good hero, Red.” He yawned again. “But don’t get too comfy… Soon as I get my provisional license… I’ll outdo you all…” His eyes were closed.

“As long as you’ll still let me fight beside you,” Kirishima said. He dropped back onto the bed beside Bakugou, who grunted an acknowledgment. Kirishima let his own eyes drift closed as they stayed quiet for a moment. “Hey, Bakugou…?” he started. There was no response. Bakugou was asleep, legs still hanging off of Kirishima’s bed. Kirishima, as gently as he could, pulled Bakugou’s legs up onto the bed. Bakugou stirred but didn’t wake up, turning over and muttering in his sleep. Taking a deep breath, Kirishima crawled onto the bed beside him, trying not to spoon him. He turned onto his side so they were facing opposite directions.

“Just sharing a bed,” he whispered to himself as he reached over to turn off the light. “Nothing weird about it. Just two guys, sharing a bed, deadbeat tired…” When he woke up in the morning, Bakugou was gone. He didn’t see him for almost two days with the way the internship schedule shook out, and when he did, they both acted as if nothing had changed.

He was sleeping lightly these nights, the weight of everything he’d learned from Fat and from Midoriya and Nighteye on his mind. Bakugou came in later than usual, pausing uncertainly on the threshold at the sight of Kirishima reaching out of his bed to switch the light on.

“You were asleep,” he said flatly. Kirishima shook his head.

“Only sort of. What’s up?”

“I’ll let you sleep.” Bakugou turned to go and Kirishima sat up.

“No – hey. You can stay. I’m up now, anyway.” Bakugou hesitated, and then came back into the room, dropping into a chair and propping his feet on Kirishima’s desk. The door swung shut behind him. Kirishima pulled the blanket around his shoulders, shivering in the night air.

“No yelling tonight?” he asked, a wry smile on his face. Bakugou glared at him.

“You really won’t tell me what’s up with the internships?” Kirishima rolled his eyes.

“I told you, I can’t.”

“Why is Deku involved?” he asked bluntly. Kirishima stared.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen you and two of the girls all muttering and whispering together with Aizawa-sensei. I’m not an idiot.”

“I really can’t tell you, Bakugou,” Kirishima said. He pulled his legs up onto the bed and crossed him underneath him. “You’ll get your provisional license soon, I know you’ll do fine on their individual test. So you’ll have an internship of your own soon enough.” Bakugou scowled.

“Yeah, but this isn’t just about the internship,” he said. “Something’s up with the four of you.” Kirishima shrugged.

“Okay, you caught me. I still can’t talk about it.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Bakugou said. He fiddled with a pencil on Kirishima’s desk for a moment. “I should just go to bed. Sorry I woke you up.”

“Bakugou, did you come to my room in the middle of the night just to ask me a question you already knew the answer to?”

“I tried to leave when I saw you were asleep,” he growled.

“That’s not an answer.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he shot back. “Goodnight.”

“Bakugou, wait.” Bakugou was standing, already making his way toward the door. Kirishima pushed off the bed, dropping the blanket from his shoulders and stepping towards him, the sudden chill of the air raising goosebumps on his skin. “Bakugou. Bakugou, stop.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Bakugou shouted, tiny flames bursting in his palms. “Just let me go to bed. It’s late.”

“And you came to talk, so talk.”

“You won’t say anything.”

“But you knew that coming in, and you came in anyway.”

“Because I was hoping you would say something!” Bakugou shouted. He swung around, an explosion bursting from his palm with enough force that it left ash on the floor. He was glaring so furiously at Kirishima that he took a step back. “Something’s going on and you won’t tell me what and it’s us, it’s UA, so that means it’s dangerous, and it’s Deku, so that means it’s stupid. So you’re out there doing something stupid and dangerous, but you won’t tell me what, so what’s the point of me staying?” His hands curled into fists. “Huh?” Kirishima stared at him.

“You don’t have to be worried about me,” he said slowly. “The internships are all with pros. We’re safe with them.” Bakugou’s face darkened.

“Were you safe when you chased that guy into an alley? You were alone, then. You got hurt. You said yourself Fat showed up in the nick of time.” Kirishima stared.

“I got nicked because I didn’t realize he could cut through my hardening, I was hardly hurt—” he started.

“We do dangerous shit. Doesn’t matter who we’re with. Even All Might—” Bakugou sucked in a breath and stopped. “The pros aren’t infallible,” he said.

“I know that, but—”

“Just shut up.” Bakugou’s face was dark, the shadows from Kirishima’s bedside lamp throwing sharp angles across it. “Go to bed, Kirishima,” he said. He turned to go. Kirishima’s arm shot out and caught his shoulder.

“We all do dangerous shit,” he said. “That’s why we’re here. We do dangerous shit so other people can be safe.”

“I said shut up,” Bakugou said, refusing to turn. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” Kirishima hardened his hand, trying to get enough strength to yank Bakugou around to face him.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said. “I’m glad that you care. But you can tell me you care about my safety without getting angry at me about it.”

“I don’t care about your safety, I know you’re fine,” Bakugou said, trying to push Kirishima’s arm off his shoulder. “It’s just stupid that I can’t even know what kind of danger you’re getting yourself into. Let go of me!” He pulled away violently, shoving Kirishima backwards until he stumbled into his bed. “Just forget it, okay? Forget it.” He yanked the door open.

“Bakugou!” Kirishima shouted after him. “Bakugou, stop! Katsuki!” He paused, startled, and suddenly staggered backward as Kirishima launched himself forward and slapped him. “Katsuki, you absolute fucking idiot, will you get back in here?” Glaring at him suspiciously, Bakugou slowly walked back into the room, pulling the door shut behind him. Kirishima crossed his arms. “We need to get a couple things straight, because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re apparently allergic to the idea of expressing emotions other than anger. And that is going to have to change, at least with me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You came here tonight because you’re worried about me and what’s going on with the internships. Because, if I’m not completely mistaken, you care about me.” Kirishima glared at him, daring him to deny it. Bakugou stuffed his hands into his pockets, refusing to reply. “And I care about you. Holy fuck, Bakugou, I care about you more than I care about almost anyone I’ve ever met. You’re smart and you’re manly and you’re an amazing hero, when you’re not cussing out everyone within earshot. And it’s incredible. You’re incredible. And I love sitting here and talking to you and actually getting to know you. But you’re going to have to get a bit better at accepting that you, like the rest of us humans, actually are a person and you have feelings.” Bakugou still remained silent, staring intently at a spot on the wall just over Kirishima’s shoulder. “Am I completely off the mark in thinking some of those feelings are about me?”

“Yes, fine, you’re my friend and I know you can handle yourself but I don’t want to see you get hurt, especially when I don’t even know what you’re doing or where or why and I can’t save you like you saved me.” Bakugou threw up his hands. “Are you happy now, Eijiro? Is that what you wanted me to say? Are we done? Can I go to bed now?”

“Am I just your friend?” Kirishima asked, ignoring the jolt he’d felt when Bakugou had said Eijiro. If he was being honest, he wouldn’t have put money on Bakugou actually knowing his given name. Bakugou glared at him.

“What does that mean?” he demanded.

“Have I really not been obvious enough?” Kirishima groaned. He took a step forward, grabbed Bakugou’s face between his hands, and kissed him as hard as he could. When he released him, Bakugou stumbled back, his face white. He stared soundlessly at Kirishima for a long moment. Kirishima felt panic crawl up his spine. “Was that… Did I just…”

Before he could coherently form a thought, Bakugou had closed the distance between them and then some, shoving Kirishima back up against the bed, pressing their lips together ferociously, his hands tight on the back of Kirishima’s head. Kirishima melted into the kiss with relief. His hands came up to grip Bakugou’s waist, closing any gap between them as he returned the pressure on his lips with fervor until both of them had to break, gasping for air. Bakugou pressed his forehead against Kirishima’s.

“Did that answer your question?” he asked. His breathing was heavy and hot.

“I think so,” Kirishima answered faintly. “I wouldn’t be opposed to you elaborating on your answer, though.” Bakugou reached down and scooped Kirishima’s legs out from under him, practically flinging him onto the bed, and crawled up himself, his knees planted on either side of Kirishima’s hips as he leaned down to press another kiss to his lips. He moved, nipping at the corner of Kirishima’s mouth before pressing his lips against the back of his jaw, down his neck, to his collarbone. Kirishima grabbed the back of his head and pulled him back to his mouth, slipping his tongue out and running it along Bakugou’s lips. He bit at the lip playfully and Bakugou jerked in surprise.

“Watch those sharp teeth of yours,” he growled. Then he abruptly flopped down on top of Kirishima, his face sideways on the pillow next to him. The two boys shifted until they were both lying on their sides facing each other.

“So…” Kirishima said.

“So.”

“Are you going to be able to actually talk to me now? At least sometimes?” Bakugou scowled.

“I’ve always talked to you,” he said.

“You know what I mean.”

“At least sometimes,” he grumbled. “But we’re clear where I stand on…” He reached up a hand in between their bodies to gesture between them. “This?”

“I think so. And we’re clear that I feel the same way?”

“Crystal,” Bakugou replied. He kissed Kirishima again, his tongue lazily sliding across the roof of his mouth. They lay quiet for a few moments. Somehow, their hands found one another and fingers interlocked. Thumbs rubbed circles and their fingers twisted and stroked quietly. Both their eyes were drifting closed when Kirishima’s phone buzzed loudly. He jumped, reaching over to grab it. His eyes widened at the screen.

Meet in three hours. Eri Mission is today.

He jumped to his feet, leaving Bakugou staring at him curiously. He stammered as he spoke. “I… I have to go. I— I’m so sorry, this is the worst time it could have… I’ll be back tomorrow night, I promise. We’ll… I’ll…”

“It’s fine,” Bakugou said, propping himself up on an elbow. “Just go. Kick some villain’s ass for me.” Kirishima nodded, and then bent down impulsively to press a last kiss to Bakugou’s lips.

“I’ll see you soon, Explosion King,” he said.

Yes, this DOES take place right before the mission where Kirishima literally shatters from a beating, because it’s me and I’m an angst queen. (Also, more practically, because I was trying to fit it into the canon timeline and that was the best spot for it lol) But hey, he’ll have someone very aggressively caring for him when he gets back home. Please picture Bakugou literally camped outside of Kirishima’s door wrapping him in more blankets whenever he tries to move and sending explosions after anyone else who gets close. Hope you enjoyed it angst and all :P

Send me prompts!

#bnha #bakushima #katsuki bakugou #eijirou kirishima #bnha manga #manga spoilers #answers #my writing #thanks for requesting bakushima!#I know people love my voltron stuff but it's nice to mix it up #and these two were a lot of fun to write #even if I don't feel like I totally have a handle on their characterization yet #fluffyblue-artnwriting

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bigmouthbadsleeper · 6 years

Text

Movies In My Mind

I’ve always had a very vivid imagination. As a child it served me well because I was rarely bored, and as a teenager it got me through some pretty lonely times. As an adult it pretty much just annoys me. I get these thoughts in my head sometimes, these little scenarios that come out of nowhere. I don’t know how or when I started doing this, but at this point, I’ve thought of them so many times that they play out like movies in my mind. These thoughts can happen anytime- while I’m working out, driving, cleaning, working, etc.- and though I know that I have control over them, they can still cause me to have a panic attack. I realize that giving power to these scenarios is a waste of my time, but my mind often lacks reason and logic. I’ll be minding my own business, shampooing my hair, or doing some other routine task, and one of these scenarios will pop into my head and my heart will start to race and I’ll start breathing heavy. I have to remind myself that nothing has even happened, I’m still in the shower, washing my hair, and not falling down a flight of stairs exposing my holey underwear (I don’t even own holey underwear). I’ve complied a list of the most common scenarios that I torture myself with on a regular basis. You might be wondering, why is she sharing this with the world? I guess it’s because I think it’s kind of funny, and I’m hoping someone else will find it funny, too. Also, I figure I can’t be the only one who does this. Maybe someone else out there can relate, and we can bond over the ridiculousness of our brains.

Tripping, falling, and exposing my underwear. Okay, so this has actually kind of happened to me once. I was walking down the hall at church, in between classes, and I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. I headed towards her to say hello, and somehow my skirt fell off! I didn’t even notice it was happening until the skirt was at my ankles, restricting my steps. I still cringe every time I think about it. I mean how do you even recover from that?? Full disclosure: I was wearing Spanx. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse, but I’m inclined to say it’s worse.

Letting go of my steering wheel on a curved road. Would I ever do this? No. But what freaks me out is that I COULD IF I WANTED TO. Doesn’t it ever make you rethink things when you realize how in control of your own destiny you are? I’ll be driving and the thought will come to me and I will start to wonder things like, “Where would my car go?”, or “How long would it be before my car stopped moving? Would it just stop, or would it stop because it crashes into a wall?” Oh yeah, I’m driving right now. Better pay attention. Yikes.

Falling off of the treadmill/elliptical. If I were the star of my own television show, there’d be a scene where I fall off of my treadmill at least five times per season. “But wouldn’t that get old?” you might ask? No, it would not. Falling is always top comedy. Falling while on a fast-paced, moving belt just makes it that much funnier. This has only come close to happening one time when I had a tangled up earbud fiasco. I got a little too cocky and tried to untangle the rat’s nest while I was running. I managed to get my footing and stop myself from falling, but it was a close call, guys. So close that I’m starting to sweat right now just thinking about it.

Losing a tooth. Not like losing a tooth when I was a kid and they were bb teeth that were meant to be lost. Like losing a fully grown, high school graduate, adult tooth. This is probably my biggest fear. It started when I was young, probably because I saw an episode of Jerry Springer or some other daytime talk show and there was a person sans teeth on there, which of course led me to freak out about the state of my own bicuspids. What would I do if my tooth got knocked out?? Once I read that if it happens, you should put the tooth in milk to preserve it, which is why I always carry a packet of milk with me. JK I don’t, but I really have thought about it because that’s how scared I am of this happening to me. Seriously you guys, HOW WOULD I RECOVER FROM THAT? I am pretty positive I couldn’t rock the missing teeth look. And this is coming from a girl who used to wear sweat pants with the name JOE JONAS emblazened on the legs out in public. In her twenties. On the regular.

Walking into the men’s room on accident. I’m going to be really honest here, the men’s room is a complete mystery to me. I have no idea what goes on in there. I caught a glimpse of one once and there were toilets on the ground- ON THE GROUND I SAY!! That seems risky to me. Usually this paranoia hits me after I’ve finished running on the elliptical at the gym and I’ve still got my headphones on and I’m all disoriented and sweaty. I mean, the boy and girl restrooms are right next to each other, I could easily meander into the wrong side! Most of the restrooms I see are marked with an “M” or a “W” which is practically the same letter even! Whose idea was that?? I think this fear might be rooted in the fact that when I was in high school, I had a job as a janitor basically, cleaning a medical office. I thought no one was left in the office so I was just carrying on like I owned the place, and stormed right into the bathroom with my cleaning supplies in my hands and I walked in on a guy going pee! I really did this! And guess what he did?? This image still haunts me to this day. He kept peeing, turned his head around, gave me a little nod, and calmly said, “Sup?” A part of me died in the bathroom that day, my friends. I can’t talk about it anymore because I am getting shortness of breath just remembering the harrowing details.

Ripping up money. Now this is one I would definitely never do, obviously!! But one day I was playing with a hundred dollar bill (because that’s what hundredaires like myself do in their free time) and I thought about how easily I could rip it into pieces and I would be $100 less rich. How weird is that? Money is just paper?? Is that really the best system for our currency? I could be $100 less rich with one tear. Ugh. That scares me worse than the Chucky movies, if I’m being honest.

Sending the wrong text to the wrong person. This one plagues me on a daily basis, because I am an avid texter, and I text multiple people throughout the day. I’m married now, but when I was single I used to make myself sick worrying about sending a text ABOUT the guy I like and the details of our non-relationship TO the guy I like, instead of to my friend. What if my boss gets the text I meant to send to my mom where I vent about my job? Or worse, what if someone (anyone) gets the text I meant to send to my mom about how I really need to have a poo but can’t go in the toilets at work? I know what you’re thinking, I shouldn’t be texting these things to people. You’re wrong. These are exactly the types of things I should be texting to people. You may also be curious as to why I text my mom about my bowel movement issues. Don’t worry. A healthy poo text is normal every once in a while.

Cutting off a chunk of my hair with craft scissors. Let me preface this one by saying that I am in a constant state of growing my hair out. I am forever wanting long hair and lacking the patience it takes to get it. All of the work I’ve been putting into having long hair would be for nothing with one snip. Sometimes I think about that scene in Sixteen Candles where Caroline gets her hair stuck in a locked door at Jake Ryan’s house and her friends get her out by cutting off the backside of her hair with scissors they found laying around the house! That scene chills. Me. To. The. Bone.

Divorce. I honestly don’t know why this terrifies me so much but I think it’s because I find it so terribly, horribly sad. I once read a statistic that said 50% of marriages end in divorce and right there on the spot I started to feel tightness in my chest. I think the very thought of something that was once so happy and full of love disolving and falling apart scares me. It leads to lots of invasive and paranoid thoughts about love. How do you ever really know if someone is right for you? How do you know that someone won’t fall out of love with you, or hurt you, etc. You know, the usual sad cocktail. It’s just like universal smart woman June Carter Cash said, “It burns, burns, burns.” Being with my husband has really helped me calm down about broken love in relation to myself, but I still worry a great deal about all the other relationships out there. It doesn’t matter if I know them personally or not. I still haven’t fully processed Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s divorce, and I can make myself depressed just by thinking about Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder’s breakup, and they were never even married! I have so many feelings, my friends. So many.

Good news, these irrational fears actually have a clinical name! They’re called “intrusive thoughts”, and according to the internet (v reliable source for information), four out of five people experience intrusive thoughts on a regular basis. An intrusive thought is described as “an unwelcome involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate.” If that aint me, right? I don’t know if it’s more comforting to have a name for what I’m experiencing, or if it makes me feel more insane. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one going through this, though. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not alone, and that there are others who can relate to me. That’s what life is all about, I think; connecting with others by sharing our experiences with them. Kinda makes all the difficult stuff we go through seem special, doesn’t it?

#anxiety #irrational fears

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