#also literally my name is tess

[bluejaybytes]

I don't think I ever actually posted my fully finished SplatOC relationship chart so. woe, squits upon you ☝️

[covetyou]

the dark caress of someone else

part 1 ⋆ part 2 ⋆ part 3 ⋆ part 4 ⋆ part 5

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader x Tess Servopoulos rating: Explicit (18+ only!) chapter warnings: dub con, threesome (mff), oral (f and m receiving), bi reader, unprotected P in V, creampie, praise kink, spit kink, derogatory names (slut), drug reference, unspecified age gap, one singular queef (I'm not sorry), one face slap (with a dick)word count: 6.2k chapter summary: After a little white lie, you go to pick up your dads medication, only to be met by an angry Joel and a (not so) surprise visitor.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love for this silly little series. I appreciate your amazing comments so much, and I don't quite know what to do with myself.

Piggy in the middle is fuckin difficult man. But I guess life imitates art and sometimes there do just be too many holes, hands and other body parts to keep track of. Also pls excuse me but I'm, like, really bi. And Anna Torv's Tess has my whole entire pussy heart.

this part is dedicated to 'The Sweaty Javi' and 'The Hillbilly Duck Hunter' (courtesy of the wonderful @morallyinept). thank you for your services. (pls drink responsibly)

also a shout out to slasher!joel's big ol' balls (spawned by @toxicanonymity) they've been on my mind literally all week and you would not believe the ball content I had to cut from this. only a smidgen of balls remain, but the balls are there in spirit. thanks for the ballspo bb.

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song: someone new by Hozier dividers: @saradika

Your dad shook as he threw back his last pill, swallowing dry before chasing it down with a sip of water. He'd been making weak comments about needing to get more all week and you'd always stopped him. You didn't want him to go. You wanted to go.

You both knew that the pushback was all for show, but now a little white lie meant the show was over, for him at least.

"Joel doesn't want you coming to get your pills yourself anymore," you'd told him. It was a barefaced lie, but felt better than telling him the truth. How, exactly, do you tell your dad you're whoring yourself to his drug dealer?

You were fairly certain your dad knew what kind of man Joel Miller was. A Nice Man to some, maybe, but his reputation preceded him. He was known for helping out people when they got into tricky spots. Not all the time, of course, but when you had something he took a fancying to, he'd be more than willing to come to an agreement. Maybe your dad already knew what you were doing for him, for you. Maybe he noticed you had more ration cards these days, a spring in your step. You wondered if he cared, if he'd ever try to stop you.

You make your way to the nicer part of the QZ again the next day. You have a free shift and, despite your dad's protests that you should go spend it with friends, you find yourself climbing chipped steps to an empty hallway once more.

You had left the last time with the slick of oil between your cheeks, down your legs, between your thighs. It had taken days to wash off completely. You didn't mind one bit - whenever you moved the slick of it reminding you of him buried in you to the hilt, fucking you half to death in a way you'd never imagined. Embarrassment, shame, you shouldn't like this, melding together and melting away as he pummelled into you from behind. You'd practically rubbed yourself raw thinking about it, but it was never quite enough.

Uncontrollable excitement thrums through you as you approach his door. And, well, you should have known.

Each time you turn up to Joel Miller's door thinking you know what to expect, and each time you're wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It seems this time is no different.

You hear it before you even get to the door. Raised voices - a man shouting, a girl crying. You hear muffled snippets of the argument - "fuckin' daddy" here, "you're an asshole" there. You don't want to leave, but the sound of it makes you nervous. The unexpected usually hit when you were already trapped inside Joel's apartment, not when you were waiting in the corridor for the door to open.

You decide to turn and leave, you can come back later or another day, your dad can wait. You can wait. But then the door is opening and a topless brunette is rushing out into the hallway, nearly knocking into you in the process. Tears are streaming down her face as she shoves her arms into her t-shirt, hurrying away muttering "asshole" under her breath.

You watch as she leaves, turning your head back to the open door only when you see movement out the corner of your eye.

You'd never seen him like this. White fury burned behind his eyes as he came to slam the door in the girl's wake. He sees you and halts, fingers gripping the wood so tight you think it might splinter.

"Where's your daddy," he snarls at you.

"At home, in bed. He needs-"

"I know what he fuckin' needs. Get in."

He stalks away from the door, leaving it wide open for you to enter. You follow him in. You'd been trapped in here with him before, but it never felt like this. The fear you had before was because of the unknown, the new - he was a strange man in a strange place. Now he was a man you somewhat knew and trusted, yet in this moment you feared him. You were suddenly keenly aware that he could hurt you, really actually hurt you, if he wanted to.

A cupboard door clanks shut, making you jump, then his imposing figure is stomping back over to you. Grabbing your hand, he wretches it open, pushes a pill packet into your palm, and closes it into a fist around the plastic.

"You can see yourself out," he growls before walking away from you, leaving you standing there, confused.

You frown as you look between the pills he'd just given you and him. "But -"

"But fuckin' what," he yells, turning on you. "I gave you what you want, now go."

You're a fucking idiot, poking the already angry bear, but you step forward anyway. "That's not what I want."

He scoffs at you, hands on hips, shaking his head in disbelief. You felt small just because of the size of him usually, but now he was making you feel small in other ways.

"Use me."

"Use you? You want me to use you?"

You shrug your shoulders. "That's what this is, right? You give me what I want, and I give you what you want." He'd said it himself last time, and now here you were using his own words against him.

"And you think using you is what I want?"

You look him straight in the eye, balls bigger than the universe and say, "Yes."

Angry feet drag him to you, toes stopping barely an inch away from your own. He stares down at you, challenging you to look away, but you crane your neck and keep your eyes locked with his.

When he brings one massive hand gently to your neck, holding your gaze, you try not to flinch. Joel notices, fiery gaze briefly softening, he doesn't want you to be scared of him, and allows the cradle of his hand to push against your throat. You feel your pulse thunder beneath his palm just before the pressure releases.

"You got one last hole I ain't tried yet," he murmurs, dragging the rough pad of his thumb up your jaw and across the swell of your bottom lip. You fight not to kiss it, to take it into your mouth and show him how useful you can be.

The hand drags down your body, fingertips pulling at the neckline of your shirt, before he reaches its hem. You think he's going to put a hand up it, feel your bare skin underneath. Instead he bunches the fabric taught against your chest in one fist, yanking you even closer to him, his fist keeping you from falling flush against his torso.

"Take this off," his breath whispers across your face.

Grip loosening on your shirt, you try not to stumble back as you pull your shirt over your head, cheeks heating when you briefly get it caught on your chin. You weren't wearing a bra today, but if he notices he doesn't react.

Fingers tug at your belt loops. "And these."

You unbutton your pants, pulling them down your legs and off your body, taking your shoes with them. You try not to think about if the other girl was this dressed when Joel decided to kick her out.

Joel kicks your clothes away from you, you watch them skid across the floor, pill packet clattering along with them, before turning back, the fire in his eyes back and all softness forgotten.

"On your fuckin' knees."

You thud to your knees and look up at him. He takes a step back, as if he suddenly doesn't trust himself to be close to you. The thought of him actually hurting you crosses your mind again - you wonder if that'd turn you on the same as the other things he does, the things he does to hurt but make you feel good too. Maybe it would. Maybe if he really wanted to you'd let him.

His eyes rake down your body, taking in your bare tits, nipples hardened under the chill of the room, down the swell of your stomach, across the meat of your thighs and to the dampness forming on the front of your panties.

"Want me to use you, huh?" he says, nostrils flaring as his hands flex beside him.

Your eyes flick to his crotch. You'd only been this close to him in your fantasies, but you find you're salivating just as much as you do in your dreams, aching to run your hands across him and really, finally, feel him.

As if reading your mind, his hand caresses across the front of his pants. Where there had been nothing but the soft shape of him before was a growing tent as he hardened before you. "You want this?"

You nod.

He threads a hand through your hair, scratching at your scalp and cradling your head in his palm. He forces your head back further, until you're looking directly up at him.

"You're gonna have to ask nicely for it, sweetheart."

"Please can I have it," you beg, sounding as needy as you feel. You've never needed anything more than you need this. You know he can see it in your face, in the way you lick your lips as you take him in.

He yanks his pants down in an instant, cock bouncing from their confines. He grabs it in his fist, large hand stroking gently up his length to tug at his tip as he grows. It looks huge in his hand, but you know it'd look so much bigger in yours.

You look up at him wide eyed as you watch him stroke himself. A few strokes and he's solid already. For all you've done with him, for how you've had him inside you, you've never seen it this close. Never seen how veins ripple under skin, foreskin moves back with the movement of his hand to reveal his flushed tip, slit beckoning you to taste.

"Please can I have your co- "

The hard length of him collides harshly with the side of your face. Your lips part in a gasp. You stop yourself from chasing it and engulfing it with your mouth. He hasn't said you could, and you're not stepping a toe out of line. He needs you to be good.

"You really want it?" he teases.

You nod frantically. You must look dumb, like one of those nodding dog ornaments from years ago - glassy eyed and head bobbing at just about anything.

"Kiss it." You do, hesitantly placing a gentle kiss to one side of his tip, then the other, before placing an even softer kiss to his slit. There's a thrill knowing you'd never kissed any part of him before, knowing that the first time you'd pressed your lips to him it was to his cock. If anyone ever found out maybe you'd be embarrassed, but here, in this room, all you wanted was more.

Swallowing heavily and lifting his shaft, he pulls your head closer to him. "Kiss 'em. They wanna feel good too, sweetheart."

You place more soft kisses across the delicate skin of his balls, pushing down the temptation to taste him. Your eyes never leave his face, and his never leave yours. He looks so horny he could smash you through a fucking wall, and you don't think you'd mind if he did.

You keep kissing until he pulls your head back. He's started gently stroking himself again, getting himself off as he watched you worship his balls.

"You wanna taste?"

"I wanna taste," you swallow, sinking down as you spread your knees wide to stop the temptation of rubbing your thighs together, desperate for relief he hasn't said you can have.

"Show me how much you want it."

You snap your jaw open for him, eager to taste more than the swipe of cum he'd spread over your lips weeks ago, as he fists his cock gently over your face. He's teasing you with it still when a whine catches in your throat.

Another tug to your hair tilts your head back, but your eyes strain down to look at the bead of cum that's about to drip from the tip of him. He leans over you, cock in hand and your head held in the other. You watch as he spits down into your mouth, saliva cooling as it falls from his mouth to yours, landing cold on your waiting tongue.

"Good girl. So desperate for it. Keep it open." He moves his dripping tip to your mouth before you can react, swiping it across your tongue, mixing his precum with your, and his, saliva.

You hear it before he does - the sound of a key jingling and a lock turning. It startles you, fright springing across your face as he frowns down at you. You keep your mouth open as the door swings open behind you, exposing your naked body to the hallway and whoever has just entered.

"You home, old man?" a familiar voice you can't place calls out, before the very same voice lets out a low whistle when it catches sight of you.

The door is kicked shut, and there's a thud on the table. Joel is still brandishing his cock as he stares daggers over your head at the intruder. Your fucking mouth is open.

"You mind? I'm busy," he says, wiping the tip of his cock over your tongue again. You salivate at the salty taste of him and try to swallow.

Light footsteps head toward where you kneel on the floor before Joel, knees spread, head up, eyes darting between his face and his grip on his cock.

"Well then, hello there pretty girl." You remember that voice.

Finally letting your eyes flick to the side, you see her. Tess. She seems to recognize you at the same time as you do, a smile pulling across her face as your mouth falls slack in shock.

She'd been your fathers dealer before you were handed off one day to a new one. Your dad hadn't given details on why, but you had a feeling you knew. She'd helped you once too, when a few too many sick days had meant too few cards to get by. That had been your first time on your knees for someone at the promise of pills, and at the time you thought it would be your last.

Joel watches as she approaches and looks down at you on your knees. His hand hasn't left his cock, and he's tugging on himself as he watches, another bead of precum you desperately want to lick collecting at his head. He moves his hand from its place in your hair and starts stroking his heavy balls with it as he watches you.

"How's your daddy?" she pouts in mock empathy before addressing Joel, laughing.

"Gotta say, didn't expect this when I handed 'em off to you. Told you the daughter's mouth was good, didn't I?"

"I wouldn't know, I was only just about to find out," he grits out. His hands are still slowly working over himself as he talks to her. You watch as his eyes roam up and down her body, then flick to you down at his feet. Your body heats as you watch him ogle her - you think it may be jealousy until your own eyes trail the same path down her body before resting back on Joel. What difference is there between jealousy and desire, really.

"The first time you get to mess with one, and I get to witness it? Lucky me," she grins as she watches Joel thread a hand back through your hair, drawing your attention back to him completely.

"S'not the first time," he whispers as he pulls you forward, nodding at you to open your mouth once more.

"Then what the fuck have you been doing with her?"

Joel rolls his eyes at her, instead opting to feed the head of his cock into your mouth.

Your mouth engulfs his tip, warm and wet, he sucks in a breath closing his eyes, grip tightening in your hair. You let your tongue swirl around him, feeling the ridge of his head and tasting the bitter sweet salt of his cum on his skin. Your fingers curl into the rough fabric of his pants, anchoring you to him as you bob your head over his tip, circling your tongue over every inch of it.

"Oh fuck, that's right," he moans. "That taste good?"

He looks down as you nod, your moan of confirmation around his cock pulling another groan from his chest as his eyes fall closed again.

"Fuck yeah, it does."

Tess had all but gone from your mind until you hear the tap of shoes on the floor, and feel as she crouches beside you. A soft hand comes to your face, stroking the hollow of your cheek as you suck more of Joel's cock into your mouth.

You feel soft lips press a kiss to that very same hollow, the feeling of being kissed making you sigh. His eyes snap open, he'd been so lost in the feeling of your mouth on him that he hadn't noticed Tess's approach either. Now he was looking down at two women at his feet, eyes burning holes into yours where they fluttered in your head.

She begins nuzzling your hair, your neck, placing soft kisses across your bare skin. You keep your focus on Joel, staring at him with the same intensity he stares at you. Soft hands start to roam up and down your body, squeezing your chest, pinching your nipples, dragging short nails across your stomach, her every move making you shudder.

"Can't say I ever imagined a sweet little thing like you doing this," she whispers into your ear. You can hear the sickly sweet smile in her voice.

You moan into Joel's cock as she touches you, taking yet more of him into your mouth. You want to touch it, hold the heft of it in your hand, but you never have before. You don't know if you're allowed. You inch your hand up his pants to his crotch, stroking the exposed skin at the base of him with your fingertips. The hand in your hair twitches, and you hear a strangled moan from above you.

"Fuuck."

Another shift of your hand and your hand wraps around his thick base, fingertips unable to meet even if you squeezed. Holding him steady, you can finally angle him down so you can draw more of his cock into your mouth. You flick your tongue along his tip again as you swallow around him with a moan.

"That's it. Show me how much you can take."

At the instruction, Tess knocks his hand away from your hair, bringing both of her own to hold either side of your head. She fucks your mouth up and down his length, Joel moaning deep as his hand finds yours on his pants and grips your fingers tightly.

You'd been longing to feel his lips on yours so much that you'd never considered what his hand might feel like on yours. It's the opposite of electric - the heavy heat of his rough hand grounding you, finally, as you take him in in full clarity.

"Shit that's good," he sighs as you're dragged along him by Tess's hands.

"You hear that? He thinks you're doing a good job," Tess says from beside you, pushing your head down to take more of him with a kiss to your cheek.

You start to gag as she pushes you down - it had been so long since you'd done this, and Joel's size wasn't exactly forgiving to the less experienced - but you carry on, moaning again when the welcome distraction of Tess's body pushes against yours.

"Nothin' but a cocksucking slut, huh?" Joel murmurs down to you almost affectionately, moving a stray hair from across your face. Yes you want to say, but it comes out a garbled mess as Tess laughs at you once again.

With another firm push of your head, your mouth slips down and takes Joel even further to the back of your throat. You cough and splutter, trying to push yourself back using your hand against Joel's thick thighs, but Tess holds you down with his cock buried in your throat. Joel's hand grips yours tighter still.

"Don't," he snarls. "If I wanted her chokin' on it I'd fuck her face."

"Maybe I want her to choke on it," Tess counters from beside you with another laugh, but she relents anyway.

You pull back with a gasp and take a gulp of air before kissing the tip of his cock. You don't want to let go of it for a minute. You lick long stripes up his length, collecting the strings of saliva you'd left behind, before encasing him in your mouth once more. If you were anywhere else you'd maybe feel shame at your need for him, and your need to please him, but the heat of their eyes burning into you does nothing but light a fire between your legs.

Tess sees it, moving a hand down from bobbing your head on Joel's cock, down your bare torso and cupping your clothed pussy. Her slender fingers feel so much more delicate compared to Joel's thick calloused ones as they rub over you, your moans muffled by the fullness of the cock in your mouth.

"She's so wet, Joel," you hear her say through Joel's groan and the blood rushing in your ears.

Your hips start to rock into Tess's hand of their own accord, aching to find more friction and finally get some relief. She yanks your panties to the side, using one of her fingers to trace the seam of you before gently tickling your clit. If she could only feel how damp you were before, she could definitely feel the drip of slick from your cunt now.

Slender fingers plunge into you, fucking your desperate hole with force as you work your mouth over Joel's cock. You're left empty for half a second before her fingers are back in you, more this time, stretching you further so suddenly that your legs widen to accommodate the pull of fingers inside you.

"All four fingers, good girl," Tess coos.

"Four?" grunts Joel. Tess nods, laughing, and Joel throws his head back with a groan.

"I bet we could fit a whole hand up here," she says with another kiss to your cheek.

You were naive before to think she wouldn't, couldn't, hurt you the way you thought Joel could. You were wrong, you realized now, as her fingers plunged into you, stretching wide, words taunting in your ear as she forced your head back and forth over Joel's cock.

Her fingers leave your cunt entirely, leaving you empty and gaping. She pulls you off of Joel, replacing his cock in your mouth with her glistening fingers. You clean your own slick from them, moaning at the tang of your own pussy mixing with the flavor of Joel still on your tongue. His eyes never leave you and his hand never gives up its grip on yours.

"You like the taste of pussy, don't you?" Tess whispers in your ear, pushing you back onto Joel.

"Mhm."

"I think we can do something about that," she murmurs. "Can't we Joel." You both look up at him from your knees. He growls, nodding stiffly.

You're being hauled to your feet and pushed to the couch before you know what's going on. The blood rushes to your head and the room spins when you're pushed roughly over the arm, watching as Tess unbuttons her pants and pulls them down her legs.

She lounges back on the other arm of the sofa, spreading her legs and beckoning you to come between them. You ignore the ache in your knees from the hard wood of the floorboards as you crawl over, settling between her soft thighs and looking up at her with parted mouth. You would do anything right now, desperate for any relief from anyone.

Joel has followed behind, watching your ass sway as you crawled to her. Your panties are still skewed to the side, and you know he's looking at the mess of arousal between your legs. Tess may have been the one with her fingers buried in you, but you hope he knows he's just as responsible for your glistening cunt.

"C'mon," he growls, landing a swat to your ass. "Lemme see you eat that pussy."

You stare at Tess's bare cunt, feeling needy in ways you can't even explain, and move to lower your head, eager to taste her again.

She grabs you by the hair before your mouth can touch her.

"No teasing now. You remember what I told you?" You nod. You remembered every fucking part - exactly how she liked to come undone. Sometimes you imagined her doing the same to you.

She pulls your face down toward her cunt, and you stick out your tongue, hungry to taste her. You lick her gently at first, small licks across the swelling of her clit and her flushed lips. You lick further down, parting her folds to taste at her entrance - for all her laughing and teasing, her pussy was as much of a traitor as yours when exposed like this. She was dripping.

Joel's rough hands pull your ass toward him, dragging your panties down to your knees, hobbling you. The couch dips and creaks behind you as he brings a foot up to better line up with your hole. The wetness of his cock slides through your slick folds once, twice, then notches the tip at your entrance before he pushes in in one, sheathing himself completely in the heat of your body. You moan and gasp around Tess's clit, never stopping the movement of your tongue.

"Not sure she can handle it," she half chuckles, half moans.

"She can," grits out Joel. "S'taken worse." He slides out and punches all the way back in again, the feeling of his hips snapping against your ass so much less overwhelming when his cock was in your pussy and not your ass. You try desperately to keep up the movements of your mouth, wanting to feel Tess come undone at your hands, but blocking out Joel entirely is impossible with the distracting pound of his cock into you.

Tess grabs more of your hair, pulling it away from your neck and giving him a better view of you and her cunt.

"Fuck yeah, sweetheart," he groans now that he can see more clearly. "Lick that pussy."

"Been a while since you had multiple girls over, huh?" Tess taunts, throwing her head back before Joel can reply.

He nods, pulling your hips back into his as he thrusts forward. "Too fuckin' long." He groans again, meaty hands gripping your ass cheeks hard and pulling you apart at the seams as he pounds into you.

You slip a finger into her wet heat, curling it upwards as you feel inside of her. She's as slick as you, and you wonder if she's ever taken Joel as you have. The thought makes you moan again, just as Joel picks up the pace of his thrusts, slamming into you so hard your mouth jerks over Tess's cunt.

You try to steady yourself, fluttering your tongue flutters over Tess's clit, circling and suckling it into your mouth. You ignore the sensation building inside you as Joel's balls smack against your neglected clit each time he buries himself in you. It's too many feelings, too many sensations all at once.

Joel's hips stutter as he slams his cock into you, chasing his own release, already so close after you'd had him in your mouth for so long. Even closer from watching Tess tease you with her fingers buried in your needy cunt, watching your tongue lathe over hers.

You hear a strangled "Fuck" before he slams his hips forward again, slick cock slipping deep inside you as he floods your pussy with warm, wet cum. You moan into Tess's clit as you feel yourself heat from the inside out.

"Shit. Shit," he sighs from behind you. You want to turn to look at the fucked out look on his face. You nearly do.

"Don't stop, almost there," pants Tess, almost begging you with your face still buried in her wet heat, lapping at her clit with a finger curled inside her. "Pretty girl, almost there," she croons, stroking your hair and rocking into your face.

Gentle circles on her clit turn firmer, more rapid, and the hand in your hair grips you tighter as you pull her release from her. She grinds against your face, pussy throbbing as you lick her pulsing clit through her orgasm.

That same hand yanks you back a moment later, too sensitive to continue, before she relaxes back into the couch with a sigh.

"She's good, Joel," she breathes, a hand idly stroking your hair. You hear Joel grunt in agreement from behind you, his hands still holding onto your ass, and your cheeks heat with the praise.

He moves away, pulling his cock from where it had softened inside you, watching as a small trickle of cum escapes to drip down to your neglected clit.

"Looks like you earned your meds today," Tess laughs, patting your cheek, before standing to pull her pants back on without another word to you.

Still on your hands and knees on the couch, you watch her approach Joel, kissing him on the side of the mouth as he stares, breathing deeply, at your ass. His cum is still dribbling out of you. You flip to sit back on your ass, trying to stop its escape making too much of a mess on his furniture.

She whispers something into his ear, moves to the door, looks at you with a smirk one last time before opening it and leaving.

The door snaps shut, and she's gone.

As soon as the door closes he's on you again, pushing you back down into the couch with a growl. The air is knocked out of you as your back thuds down and he hoists your legs back, folding you in two.

Holding you down and open, the wetness of his mouth engulfs your pussy, slurping your clit into his mouth.

He's devouring you, eagerly eating all of his cum out your hole and cleaning you of his creamy spend.

You moan and twitch beneath him, having spent the last fuck knows how long with your mouth full but the desperate need in your pussy neglected. You'd hoped he could fuck an orgasm out of you, but as soon as the pressure of his cock in you had gotten good, the slap of his balls against your clit hard enough to send a thrill through you, he'd stuttered to a stop, leaving you with an aching pussy and nothing to show for it.

A strong arm pins you down, keeping your legs back, feet in the air. Two of his thick fingers thrust into you, before he pulls them out, licking them clean, then he plunges three straight back in, stretching you more than Tess's four ever had and making you whine, high pitched and needy, for more.

You're so close, so near to falling over the edge, but his desperate licks are too desperate, not focussed enough on your oversensitive pussy, too frantic. You feel like you've been edged for hours, but your clit has barely been touched until now. It's been left starving, aching for attention.

"Joel!" you ground out desperately, looking between your thrown back legs where he feasts on you. His eyes catch you, catch the desperation, the need, and he slows down, honing in on your clit, lapping in steady circles, fingers pumping deeply.

Your toes curl, tears come to your eyes and your bottom lip quivers. You nod at him. He's found it. Exactly what you need, the exact spot. He's relentless now, his tongue moving over, and over, and over as his eyes lock with yours.

"Ohhhnnnnng."

"That's it," you feel him mumble into your clit. "Good girl."

And you're cascading over the edge, into a pit of white heat, different but similar to the one in his eyes when you first saw him today. You shudder and jerk, his tongue flicking over your sensitive bud drawing wave after wave out of you as your pussy spasms around his fingers, gripping them tight and tethering you down as you writhe.

You twitch with oversensitivity and Joel finally stops, tongue leaving your clit, lips pressing firmly to your mound instead as he breathes you in. Your body heaves and you sink further into the couch, stomach muscles finally letting you unfurl from where you'd chased your orgasm so desperately.

"Fuck," he groans so close you can feel his lips move on your skin. All you can do is nod weakly in response. "You okay?" You nod again, not trusting your voice and still not entirely sure you're conscious.

His thick fingers pull from you, leaving you empty, and his hands gently guide your legs down to rest on the couch. Blood is still pounding through your ears, but you hear and feel it... the air that Joel's fingers had pumped into you chooses that moment to escape in one humiliating gust.

Your face drops with embarrassment, and you hear Joel laugh from between your legs.

"Sign of a job done good," he laughs, kissing down onto your pussy, tongue gently swiping along your sensitive clit again. You try to wiggle away, letting out another rumble, fucking fuck, and immediately still as Joel laughs more.

"You done?" he says into your cunt, spreading you slightly to look at your spent hole then to you. "I think she's good." He kisses your clit once more and sits back, stretching his back out on the sofa with his arms behind his head.

You both sit there in silence, recovering your breath and coming back down to earth. Your knees knock together as your legs relax. You close your eyes, breathing deeply, and let the chill of the room cool your sweaty body and the heat of embarrassment from your cheeks.

Much sooner than you'd like, you feel Joel start to move.

"I ain't mad at you, y'know," he says softly as he tucks his cock back into his pants. "Was never mad at you. Just mad."

You knew that already, but hearing him say it still made you feel better. It made you feel like you'd done the right thing, that you hadn't pulled him into something he didn't want. You were justified, you were right. He wanted, needed, to use you as much as you needed to be used.

"You should get goin'," he moves to stand as he speaks, walking away from the couch and from you.

"But -"

He shuts you up with a single look. You sit up wordlessly, casting your eyes down. He was right - what exactly would you even be staying for, really, other than because some part of you wanted to.

You dress in silence, panties still around your knees pulled up, clothes thrown on haphazardly, pills stuffed into an empty pocket. Joel doesn't watch this time, instead he rifles through the box left by Tess. You never see into it, but you watch his profile shift and change as he reacts to what she left for him.

You move closer to the table, making way to leave his apartment without another word, when he's closing the box and speaking.

"I've had a vasectomy," he says pointing to your now covered crotch. "So, y'know... should be fine."

"Oh." You hadn't even thought about it. You didn't even care. "You... you could've done that in my mouth too. I wouldn't have minded."

"Your mouth was occupied," he smirks with a shrug. "Besides, if I wanted to, I would've."

He gestures for you to leave, so you do, Joel following you to the door as you go. You open it yourself, just as Tess had, and walk out. You don't have time to finish saying thank you before the door is shut behind you, leaving you alone in the corridor yet again. You make your way home in silence.

You dream that night of soft lips on your cheek, softer hands roaming your body. The softness morphs and distorts, growing larger and more ragged. Rough hands drag along you, and the scruff of a beard scratches your face as a kiss too delicate to be real comes impossibly close to your mouth.

You wake in a sweat, heat pulsing through your veins and your cunt throbbing between your legs.

You'd come in your sleep to nothing but desperate thoughts of a kiss you'd never had.

next part

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[joliettes]

I SEE YOU • T.S.

tess servopoulos x reader (wc: 1.5k)

MASTERLIST DO NOT BUY TLOU

you and tess plan on making a vase together, turns out she has other plans for you.

Warnings: older!tess??, a few pet names, 18+, edging, cum eating, aftercare, pure smut no plot..mdni!!!

A/N: i literally suck at writing warnings idk, have fun reading tho teehee luv uuu

living in Jackson with Tess and the rest of your chosen family sounded like a dream that might never happen. for you didn’t even know that you’ll live through the apocalypse and meet maria on a random day after years of wandering around with your family and losing them one after the other.

Tess took a liking to you after she saw you teaching the kids the numbers on a random day, from then on there, there wasn’t a place you’ve been to where you didn’t see her. It was very obvious with how she gazed at you with longing while handing you pieces of pottery she’s made despite not knowing each other, you had to give it to her she was very stubborn lowkey.

The light rain thudded against the big windows of the dimly lit house you were in with sandalwood candles here and there. It was such a cozy day but now you’re shivering from the cold. You don't necessarily feel bad for your choice of clothing since you looked nice.

“Come here baby” tapping her thigh is tess, sitting in front of the pottery wheel with everything set up on the small wheeled table for you and her to start working. You see, Tess was given a pretty spacious house of which later on she turned one of the rooms into a pottery studio for whoever wanted to learn, she loved doing it. Claimed it gave her some peace of mind when she wasn’t fighting for her life out there when she goes on patrol, and you wholeheartedly supported that because you’ll never miss out on seeing her sitting right there immersed into the act itself with knitted brows, the rolled up cuffs of her plaid button up and a wife beater underneath you could see her veins, and her long clay stained fingers.

she’s looking so good you wanted to jump her bones so badly it hurt. You and her made it a ritual to make pottery, the quiet serenity was everything to the both of you after not seeing each other for days on end. She does see you before heading out but it's another thing to have her scent sticking to you, and her hands all over you whenever she can.

Walking up to her u stand in front of her manspreading to accommodate where you’ll sit in her lap. You catch her checking you out so casually making your face heat up “what?”

“Oh nothing i'm just admiring my favorite piece of art, now sit down”

“Yes ma’am” turning around and taking a seat in her lap you feel her arms come around your shoulders

“so what are we thinkin’ of making today?”

“hmm whatever you want to make” her voice muffled into your neck while she sniffs all over you like a hungry dog. it’s no surprise cause that’s how tess was behind closed doors, she nearly drools over you, but in front of other people, she’d become a tad bit stoic and will keep a hand on your lower back nothing more nothing less.

“ooh maybe we could make a vase for the blue hydrangeas you brought” glancing at her behind your back just to find her looking at your lips and licking hers instantly making heat rise up your cheeks.

“Or we could go to bed early?” you knew that look she was giving you so well but you also got a way with making her reach that losing point where she’ll pick you up and have her way with you.

You look at her pouting “But you promised me last time we’ll make one together”

fair to say y’all were in bed before even getting started with the vase you eagerly wanted, Tessa's room was very spacious and filled with a good ambience and of course her in the middle of the bed, naked as a sight for sore eyes.

“you’re wearing too much right now”

“mhm you’re hot too” smirking at her from in between her legs you start to striptease her by unclasping your overalls and letting them drop to the floor, taking off your shirt slowly ending up in your underwear only, she sits up and wraps her arms around your waist.

“I'd like to try something new with you, if you’d like?”she looks at you from under her lashes awaiting your consent.

“anything you want” you whisper back.

getting up from the bed she walks to her backpack searching for something and comes back with something tiny in her hand making your eyes widen “o-oh my god tess when did u find this?”

she shrugs “last week when i was on patrol i found a tiny shop y’ know” there’s a tiny vibrator shaped like a bullet and a proud smirk blasted all over her lips “and it only needs batteries which luckily we have acquired a good amount of”

It’s the fact that you haven't used a vibrator on yourself or had anyone use anything on you like ever, your knowledge about vibrators and other “pleasuring objects” came from this one friend you made after reaching jackson telling you about how she found a booklet filled with each one and it’s uses.

“lay down f' me” she gives you a knowing look

“yes ma’am” doing exactly as she said you lay down on the bed, she comes towards you and gives you a hasty kiss before going on all fours on top of your body kissing down your neck, chest and taking a nipple into her mouth, sucking on it with vigor while she whines against you making the feeling instantly reach your core.

“ooh tess please”

letting go with a pop she continues kissing down your stomach.

“tell me”

“I need you to take 'em off please” pouting can’t get you much but it definitely made Tess yank down your panties as fast as she could, kissing all over your mound but not really giving you what you need. getting fed up you, close your thighs around her head prompting her to give you a harsh slap on your outer thigh making you yelp “stay still or you’ll get none”.

“it’s not my fault you’re literally edging me”

“You shouldn’t complain while I'm between your legs” she wraps both of her arms around your midsection not waiting for your response before sucking your clit into her mouth, whining against you sending jolts through your whole body that leaves you trying to breathe deeply and fail. Grasping the sheets at the good burn shes inflicting with how she flicks her tongue at your clit “ungh-oh my god pleaseee”

Tess brings the vibrator against your clit after turning it on, the faint whirring sound filling the room sending jolts through your entire body. She rests her cheek on your inner thigh with her fingers still holding the vibrator, rubbing it in slow strokes on the lowest setting while looking longingly at your pussy “look at how beautiful it is, this is your lucky day” she whispers.

“Hm?” craning your neck to look at her just to see that she’s not even speaking to you, you whine at the feeling of her upping the speed and rubbing it harder making your stomach convulse, you feel her gather your wetness before inserting her long middle finger in deep thrusts “oh- tess this is too much”

“I know babe and you’ll take it f’ me” she thrusts another finger whilst her other hand is still busy with holding the vibrator.

your thighs start shaking violently and against your thrusts for tess to ease up on you she takes the vibrator off of your clit making you whine at the burn subsiding just for her to suck your clit into her mouth as hard as possible.

everything starts blurring and your brain turns into mush while you cum against her tongue, wrapping her arms around your midsection she’s lapping it all up, cleaning you up while at it.

“you did so good f’ me hun” lips wet with your arousal she comes up to kiss your lips, wrapping your arms around her shoulders you deepened the kiss opening your mouth for her, tasting yourself against her tongue, she holds the back of your neck almost suffocating you by her kiss.

letting go. the both of you gasping for air “stay here I'll bring you some water” she pecks your lips one more time before walking out of the room naked, coming back in with a glass full of water she hands it to you silently nods once at you to drink up and you do just that.

“Can we cuddle? i can’t get up right now”

“yeah of course but you’ll still need to get up so i can get you washed up” she scoots beside you on the bed wrapping her arms around you while you nuzzle your head against her neck.

and there's no better place you'd rather exist in other then between her arms.

© 2024 joliettes

[reflection-s-of-stars]

👀 i'd love to hear about tha aurora modern au!

[ID in alt text]

@anthonynotgreen @djpuppy @falst @jewishdainix and anyone else who wanted to hear about my modern AU: here it is! All image descriptions will be in alt text :)

Name: Kendal Fairblade

He/him, probably a cis dude but who knows for sure, aroace

18, college freshman (first year of college)

Architecture major

Roommates with Alinua

Erin’s study buddy

Childhood friends with Dainix

Prized possession is his dad’s old car, which is bright blue and in horrible shape. Designated driver of the squad

Absolute god at arcade games (skee-ball etc.)

Blue eyed stare™️

The only member of the squad with (diagnosed) autism

Name: Alinua Parra

She/they/it, agender girl, ace lesbian

19, college freshman

Biology major (specializing in botany)

Roommates with Kendal

Erin’s study buddy

Falst’s former foster sister

Has so many plants and somehow finds time to keep all of them alive. Would kill for them probably

Bees love her also. Particularly her hair

The nicest person you’ll ever meet. She’s full of rage also

Claims she has her shit together but will see a butch and go weak in the knees

Name: Erin Ruunaser

He/him, transmasc, bi + aro

19, college sophomore (second year of college)

Pre-med, physics minor

Study buddies with Kendal and Alinua

Tess’s adoptive younger brother

His dad, Galen, owns the university he goes to. This is a fact that does not make him friends easily

Thinks he’s better than coffee drinkers but is addicted to chai

Usually dresses like he’s on his way to an interview, with the exception of finals week, during which he wears exclusively a Les Mis sweatshirt

Always sick but never misses class

Name: Falst. Falst what? Just Falst, thanks.

He/him but don’t ask about his gender, gay

18, works at a mechanic shop

Former foster siblings with Alinua

Other than her nobody knows anything about him

Exclusively wears jeans that are way too big on him

Has a stray cat that hangs around him. It does not have a name but it always gets fed somehow

Will growl at you. It absolutely doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you

Thinks redheads are hot

Name: Tess Ruunaser

She/her, butch lesbian

21, “professional wanderer and student of life” (unemployed)

Erin’s adoptive big sister

Ran away from home at sixteen and hasn’t seen her adoptive family since then (she and Erin do text though)

Girl magnet but can’t keep a relationship to save her life

Has lived in eight countries and will make it your problem. “This is pretty good, but in Greece…”

A match for Kendal at skee-ball. Their confrontations are epic

“Knows a guy” for everything

Name: Dainix Cruces

He/him, trans man, gay

19, taking a gap year and planning to go to culinary school

Childhood friends with Kendal

Has the best hair in the squad (it’s a ginger thing 😌)

Has a different story every time you ask about his eye

Best cook in the squad but everything he makes has So Much Goddamn Paprika

Literally has anything you could possibly need in his pockets

Thinks short people are hot

That’s the gang! LMK if you have questions about backstories, other characters, ETC

[urbancowboyjoel]

Bite The Hand | Joel Miller x f!afab!reader

Bite The Hand: Chapter One

Prologue | Read on AO3 | Series Masterlist | Bite The Hand Playlist

When Tess doesn’t show up for sewage duty, you seek out Joel for answers.

Word Count: ~6.1k

A/N: And the journey begins... also, I genuinely have no clue what post-apocalyptic sewage maintenance entails/looks like, so please let me have my creative freedom and overlook the inaccuracies lol (updated 5/29/24)

Warnings/Tags: n/a (refer to masterlist for complete series warnings & tags)

Bite The Hand: Chapter One

The morning sun shined brightly in your eyes as you casually strolled toward the entrance of the sewage tunnel. Your eyes were still heavy with exhaustion and your legs seemed to drag with each step you took, fatigued and sore from the previous day's intensive labor. The streets of the Boston QZ were nearly empty, as they typically were at the crack of dawn; primarily occupied by soldiers heading for morning patrols and other military duties, with only a handful of civilian stragglers lingering around, sticking close to the walls and keeping their heads down. 

While most civilian duties didn't start this early, sewage maintenance was the one in particular that the overseeing soldiers preferred to complete early and move on with their day. Meanwhile, those actually carrying out the maintenance duties would spend the remainder of their morning scrubbing themselves clean, if they even cared to, before heading off to their evening work. That was only if there were any slots available. 

Sewage maintenance was the shittiest job quite literally. It also happened to be the job with the highest ration card payout, making it more appealing to those desperate enough to take any shifts FEDRA had to offer. Regardless of the payout, it was still not a highly sought after duty with many people putting their pride over survival. You on the other hand…your name was consistently at the top of the list each and every week. 

You didn’t necessarily need the ration cards given your unique position within the QZ, however, it proved to be quite advantageous in your underground dealings with fellow QZ residents and FEDRA soldiers. The extra cards provided a valuable buffer for negotiations when necessary, as well as served as a safety net when unexpected emergencies popped up. The additional earnings also allowed you to acquire a greater variety of higher-quality supplies for trading with outsiders from the surrounding cities, expanding your clientele to your advantage.

A group of soldiers, all no older than their mid-20’s, just like yourself, were laughing amongst themselves outside the metal gate that led to the tunnels. You were familiar with most of them, having done deals with them at some point or another. Some you knew better than others for various reasons. However, they typically disregarded you, anxious that the things you’ve done for them would come to light. 

Your eyes fixated on them as you approached the opposite side of the fence to wait for Tess; as per usual, your presence to them seemingly went unnoticed. Normally, Tess would be the one waiting for you, however from what she told you last week, she and Joel have been doing more and more deals, working tirelessly day and night. Supposedly they had a pretty huge deal go south recently and she was stuck doing damage control while Joel was busy tracking down those who had wronged them. With this in mind, her tardiness didn’t come to you as a surprise.

Neither Tess nor yourself delved too deeply into the specifics of your respective runs, only name dropping here and there, giving casual warnings on areas and people to stay away from. Despite the general lack of discussion in that regard, there seemed to be an unspoken understanding between the two of you, which is why your bond grew so strong over the past year or so. 

As you glanced at your watch, with ten minutes remaining until the job was set to begin, you sensed a presence come up behind you. Their heat radiated against your cold limbs, making the hair on your arms stand erect, catching on the fabric of your thin and weathered flannel shirt.

“I didn’t expect to see you around today,’ the man’s voice was coarse and laced with sarcasm. A faint smile started to form on your face, but you promptly pressed your lips together to prevent it from manifesting completely.

You rolled your eyes, ensuring the timing was just right for him to witness the reaction you intended for him to see as you turned to face him. The soldier looked down at you with a broad, toothy grin. His dark, curly hair appeared to absorb the sunlight that cast a sliver of light upon the two of you, while his deep brown eyes transformed into a soft bronze hue. It was hard to maintain your straight face as you marveled over him, but you forced yourself to as your fingertips bit into the palms of your hands.

“Roman, always a pleasure,” you responded in a syrupy-sweet tone, with traces of sarcasm lingering heavily in your words. His dimples deepened as his smile grew wider. “I’m sure you’ll thoroughly enjoy watching me shovel shit all morning.” 

Roman let out a brief chuckle, one side of his mouth tugging as his cheek took on a hint of pink. “Well, I’m sure you won’t have to worry about that. You know us; we barely venture past the door, let alone come far enough to watch you all,” he teased. “But, if it’ll make you feel better, I can turn around.” 

“Mmm,” you hummed, sticking your tongue in your cheek. “You're a brave man admitting that to someone like me. Now correct me if I’m wrong, isn’t it your job to observe us?”

He let out another melodious laugh. “I know you won’t tell,” he said, looking down at his fiddling thumbs, contemplating whether to extend a hand towards you or maintain the narrow distance.

“Brave and confident,” As the last bit of playful banter left your lips, laughter emanated from the group on the other side of the gate and your subtle smile dropped to a frown. 

Leaning to the side of Roman and peering around his body, you narrowed your eyes, shooting a glare at the eavesdropping soldiers. Some immediately ceased their snickering, while the others covered their mouths and turned away from you. 

Straightening, you redirected your glare towards Roman. “I suppose the means you told them then,” you spoke in a noticeably quieter tone, your expression authentically serious. He briefly turned away from you, looking at his buddies. Without uttering another word, they promptly vanished into the tunnels, the heavy metal door slamming with a loud thud.

At the same time Roman turned away, you glanced at your watch once more, realizing only a couple minutes remained and Tess had yet to arrive. A thought crossed your mind: perhaps she went inside already? However, you doubted the possibility. After all, who would willingly stay in there longer than necessary? Moreover, it seemed rather out of character for her to not wait for you. You let out an uneasy sigh. 

“Don’t think I had to say much; we were quite… loud, wouldn’t you agree?” He hushed his voice to match yours as he turned back, a breathy chuckle escaping at the end. “And the thin walls…” When you eventually lifted your gaze into his brown eyes, a slight smile formed on your lips. You tried to suppress it by biting your bottom lip but couldn’t entirely succeed. He responded with a gentle smile. “Can I drop by later? Maybe for dinner or… anything really. I just would like to see you outside of work duties and late night drop ins.” His question made your heart flutter, and for some reason, it embarrassed you. 

It wasn’t your usual practice to sleep with FEDRA soldiers, especially those that you knew from doing trades. However, Roman was different, it was a unique situation. And in this lonely world, there were moments when filling that void felt comforting. Eventually, you gave in to the feeling, and Roman just so happened to be there at the time.

At times, the connection with Roman felt genuine–the emotions, the intimacy, the love, the way he looked at you with a hint of something deeper in his eyes. You frequently had to stop yourself from having such thoughts, reminding yourself that both of you were merely two lonely individuals just trying to survive a chaotic reality. In this world, there was no room for love; it was simply an escape, just pure lust to distract from everything around you, even if it was just for half an hour or so. 

You took a moment to reflect on the question, running the tip of your tongue over the grooves of the roof of your mouth. Thoughts of your late-night visits to each other’s apartments flooded your mind quite frequently; more often than you’d care to admit. 

“I’m not sure, Rome,” you mumbled, glazing down at your boots and shaking your head; a few strands of hair slipped out from behind your ear. Your eyes fixated on the torn tips of your boots, with some metal brackets that held the laces missing.

Roman gently grabbed your forearm, pulling you closer to him; you didn’t object to the gesture. The sensation of his calloused palms caused a shock to run right through your core. “If it’s because of them, they–they don’t think anything of it,” Roman hastily replied, his eyes growing intense. He glanced over his shoulder, allowing a loose sigh to escape his lips. “They were just messing around, I promise. I didn’t say anything to them,” his eyes widened, the familiar glimmer appearing once again. “I wouldn’t want to jeopardize this.” A small scoff escaped you as he made the final statement, prompting a confused twitch of his eyebrow.

“This? What is this? ” You voiced the question, even though it was primarily intended for your own contemplation. A brief silence hung between the two of you. Roman allowed his hand to glide down the side of your arm, entwining his fingers with yours. 

“What–” he started to speak but was abruptly cut off. His head snapped in the direction of the voice, eyebrows knitted together in a deep furrow.

“Cruz, duty’s starting,” the voice reverberated from within the tunnel. Roman released an irritated sigh, releasing your hand with hesitance. Avoiding eye contact, he pivoted on his heel, placing his hand between your shoulder blades. 

Without exchanging any further words or glances, the two of you entered the sewage tunnel. The humidity and stench hit you with an intense force, prompting your nostrils to flare in response. You had to muster all your strength not to show any physical reaction. 

Seated behind the table, one of the soldiers passed you a set of work gloves, safety glasses, and a shovel, with some hardened brown matter adhered to the wooden post like cement. The mere appearance of it stirred a sensation of nausea deep within you. As you walked over to the rest of the rest of the unfortunate ones desperate enough to do this, you yanked the piece of fabric tied around your neck up over your mouth and nose and began shoveling at the sluggish piles of God knows what. 

A large portion of your mind remained fixated on the situation with Roman, causing you to entirely overlook Tess and her absence.

The entire time you made a conscious effort to divert your thoughts from the unpleasantry of shoveling literal shit. Instead, you focused on recent deals you had negotiated, strategizing how to execute them, devising timelines, and considering the most effective order to complete the deals. You thought about Roman, switching between self-deprecation for your feelings and entertaining the idea of what it might be like to be with him. Your mind eventually wandered to the numerous nights you've shared, not wanting them to end. You envisioned his sweat trickling down his bare chest onto yours, the way his curls stuck to his forehead, and how his muscles subtly shifted beneath his skin with every movement and thrust.  Engrossed in these thoughts, you entered a state of complete autopilot.

The soldiers assigned to supervise the cleanup typically stayed just beyond the entrance. Despite being repeatedly instructed to stay within a ten-foot radius of the workers to ensure the cleanup met standards and everyone behaved appropriately, they consistently disregarded this instruction. You couldn't entirely fault them, either.

According to Roman, they simply stood there and engaged in conversation until all the workers would return. Occasionally, they placed bets about comical things, such as betting on which civilian would be most likely to return covered in shit or who might cause the most trouble when distributing ration cards. You could never tell if Roman found it genuinely amusing or if he considered it as absurd as you did. You preferred to believe the latter, but perhaps he was clever enough to appear indifferent about it in your presence.

As you turned the corner, now completely disappearing out of the soldiers’ sight, you encountered the sequence of shallow side alleys leading to the primary piping tunnels. Taking a moment to pause, you glanced over your shoulder. No one was behind you; the rest of the group ambled ahead. The tunnels, usually quiet because of people's thoroughly diminished pride, seemed even quieter than usual today.

Tossing some of the residual sludge towards the center of the tunnel, you approached the initial side alley on your right. It was the only one with a functioning light, albeit it was on its last legs. The light flickered consistently, just as it had done last week when Tess hastily pushed you into it.

"Shit," you muttered under your breath, the word escaping in a brief and abrupt manner.

You broke into a run, swiftly catching up to the small group of individuals that showed up today. Most cursed at you as you passed them, only stopping for a short moment to check their faces. The last person at the front of the group was an older man, probably in his late 60’s. He shot you a stern glare as your eyes met his.

"Anyone up ahead?" The words emerged breathy and muffled as you gestured with your covered chin toward the end of the tunnel. He narrowed his eyes at you briefly before giving a slight shake of his head, then returned to his work. Turning in the opposite direction, you began heading back. It was unusual for Tess to miss your coordinated duty day, especially without informing you beforehand.

Everything blurred as you hurried back to the entrance, your mind wholly preoccupied with recalling Tess's words in the alley just last week. Your heart thumped wildly against the walls of your chest, desperately hoping she followed through with her promise to reconsider the run.

“I’ve got a run coming up in a day or two, wanna join?” Tess asked in a hushed voice, a faint smirk gracing her gaunt  face. “Huge payout, you’ll get half.” 

"Half?" You confirmed, almost exasperated by her offer. Turning your head, you heard a pair of wet footsteps echo past the alley. Your stomach dropped, although you knew the soldiers wouldn’t dare to venture this far and no one else would care enough to stop and ask what the two of you were doing. "What's the catch, Tess?" Your tone turned sour as you frowned, suspecting there had to be something.

"Listen—" Her voice raised slightly, and you closed your eyes, exhaling a huff of air through your nostrils.

"I don't like the sound of that," you cut in, shifting all your weight onto the shovel and resting your chin on the top of one of your hands. She took a step closer, her serious expression evident under the flickering dim light.

"No, it's not... it's not bad." Her tone shifted. You stood facing her, fingering the hem of Roman's long-sleeve shirt—the one you mistakenly grabbed instead of your own as you hurried out of his apartment earlier that morning. "It's across the city in Richmond. I have a contact out there who can exchange some equipment for a stockpile of guns. I happen to have another contact here who urgently needs guns. They've promised a year's worth of ration cards in exchange, and–and that would be huge for me, even half would be enough to get Joel and me what we need."

"A year? You don't think they're bluffing?" you inquired, skeptical of the legitimacy of the offer.

"I know they're not. C’mon, I could use someone like you out there." As the lights flickered, the desperation in her eyes became more apparent than before. Tucking your bottom lip between your teeth, you contemplated the offer. A break from sewage maintenance would be nice–just for a month or two and focus purely on trades.

"That's incredibly risky, Tess," you finally voiced. A silence lingered between the two of you; Tess continued to stare at you, hoping you'd change your mind, while you stared at the ground, so close to giving in. "What does Joel say?"

"Joel?" His name seemed almost foreign coming out of her mouth. You didn't know much about the guy, other than the fact that most smugglers were afraid of him and the few pieces of unimportant information Tess occasionally let slip into conversation. "He... he doesn’t want to risk it."

"Perhaps you should reconsider it, then." The words felt painful as they left your throat. Yet, you'd prefer her to be a little upset than somewhere dead.

You were met with more silence from Tess. She was now looking at the ground, the stick of her shovel cradled in the nook of her elbow, with both hands on her hips. You knew how significant this deal was for her—the clients, the payout. Even receiving half would be sufficient to alleviate some of the burden she carried. However, it didn't alter the fact that traveling to that part of the city was a death sentence in itself.

"If you can wait a few more days, I'll go, okay?" Your voice sounded strained. Whether you went or not, she would do this. You knew Tess well enough to know that. "I need to finish up a deal with Nathan, then we can go."

A sickening sensation washed over you when she didn't respond. Tess didn't even look up from the ground; she stood completely still. "No... no, I think I'll reconsider," her words emerged slowly, prompting your eyebrows to rise. Without another word, she brushed past you, her shoulders slightly rounded, and returned to work.

The soldiers appeared to snap to attention at the sound of your wet footsteps under the damp concrete floor. Your breathing was labored and heavy due to a mixture of physical activity and emotional turmoil. They exchanged glances among themselves, none quite certain about what to do. You knew they wouldn't shoot or arrest you, but you weren't necessarily certain they would let you go scot-free.

"What are you—" One of the soldiers, who you’ve heard the others call Tank likely due to his large stature, stepped in front of you. You didn't pause to acknowledge him; that was the last thing on your mind. As you blew past him, your shoulder collided with his, nearly toppling him over by the force. "If you leave now, you won't get your pay." His voice seemed uncertain, devoid of any authority. “ What do we do?” He redirected his attention to his comrades.

Setting down your shovel and returning the provided supplies to the table, you exited the tunnel through the heavy metal door, the sudden bright light nearly blinding you. Raising your hand to your forehead, you shaded your eyes.

The gate emitted a loud squeal as you pushed it open, the metallic sound echoing against the tall surrounding buildings. The noise drew the attention of two soldiers standing near the alley that led back to the street. They didn't attempt to conceal their skeptical looks as you walked toward them. Your chest tightened as one of them took a step towards you; their exchanged words were unintelligible, but based on their expressions, you knew you were about to be confronted with numerous questions.

"Moore, fall back," Roman called out to the approaching soldier, the gate squeaking once again as he pushed against it. Glancing back at him, your eyes showed nothing in particular as your mind remained solely focused on finding Joel and hoping he knew where Tess was. "Hey, hey, slow down." The sound of gravel crunching under boots filled the air as he jogged to catch up with you. Roman grabbed at your shoulder, causing you to come to an abrupt stop. "Is everything okay?"

“I don’t… I don’t feel good, I just need to lay down.” Your words didn’t sound convincing by any means, but you didn’t necessarily need them to be. Roman was loyal enough to cover for you whether he knew the truth or not. “Please don’t say anything.”

His eyes widened as he stared down at you, a glimmer of panic evident. Confusion twisted your face as you glanced behind you, waiting for him to say something. Wiping his hands down the front of his FEDRA-distributed uniform shirt, he took a few steps closer, closing the distance between the two of you.

"You don't think—" he whispered, leaning toward you. Your eyes shot open as you realized the reason for his reaction. “Because we–we’ve been careful.”

“No, no, Roman, definitely not.” Instant relief flooded through him. “But I need you to cover for me okay? Don’t ask me why, just do it… please. ” As soon as he nodded in confirmation, you turned on your heel heading towards the street.

“I’ll stop by later when I get off,” Roman shouted after you, seemingly not caring if anyone else around heard. His voice faded the farther you got. 

Now, he was the last thing on your mind.

You swiftly passed through the now crowded street, walking fast enough to reach Tess' apartment within a reasonable timeframe, but not so fast as to raise suspicion from the soldiers patrolling the streets. Running would signify trouble to them, and the last thing you needed was to be stopped, taken in for questioning, and subjected to whatever else they might feel compelled to do. There, Roman couldn't cover for you.

People halted, shooting you dirty looks and cursing as you bumped into them. 

Approaching the front of the apartment building in Area 4, a group of teenagers hanging out by the entrance suddenly seemed to become interested in you. Quickly catching on, you slowed your pace and loosened your posture, while simultaneously pretending you hadn’t realized. They seemed to form a circle around you as you neared the steps, and one of the larger boys positioned himself in front of the door, blocking your path. The young punk grinned at you, revealing a mouthful of rotting teeth. Staring directly into his eyes, you countered with a smug, annoyed expression while ignoring the others.

"Say lady, I haven't seen you around here before," he said, glancing from side to side, making eye contact with his pals as they closed in. You observed those around you, noticing some were a bit smaller, others a bit bigger, but they were all teens, though some could easily pass as children due to their very apparent nutrition deficiencies. You had dealt with people worse than a handful of punks with nothing better to do than start shit for entertainment.

"Congratulations on your observation skills, FEDRA could really use you on patrols. Can you move now?" you responded amusingly, taking a couple of steps toward the door. A few of the boys snickered.

"Geez lady, I meant it as a compliment." The boy looked you up and down as you descended one step, leaving only one stair between the two of you. Rolling your eyes, waiting for the opportunity to move past him. "What's your business here?"

You let out a small laugh, a bewildered smile appearing on your face. "I only answer to FEDRA. Move ." Your voice remained unwavering and firm. Today was not the day to mess with you—no day was, truly, but especially not today, not when Tess was potentially in danger.

"I'm sure you do, lady," his voice rose an octave, revealing his true youth, and you flinched, feeling the muscles in your neck tighten. The words struck a chord within you, sending pure fire and rage through your veins. If you had no self-control, you would have thrown him down the stairs, sending him toppling over his even younger friends.

"Kevin! " The high-pitched screech of a lady echoed from above. Fear quickly filled the boy’s eyes as everyone turned their attention upward. A slender woman with gaunt cheeks peered out from the window. Her eyes resembled an endless abyss of darkness, and even from the fourth story, the emptiness within them was noticeable. Looking back at the teen, his complexion had gone ashen, he grimaced as he continued staring at the woman. He eventually shrugged as to say what? “Get your ass up here, right now, and do not make me come down there and drag you up those fucking stairs again.”

A few passersby halted in their tracks, drawn by the angered mother, before eventually moving on. Meanwhile, the boy’s so-called friends engaged in hushed conversations among themselves, punctuated by the occasional laughter.

"Mommy's calling, Kev," you quipped, and he quickly redirected his focus toward you. Clearly embarrassed, he flung the door open with such force that the front side smacked against the brick building. The others who still lingered let out boisterous bursts of laughter.

You halted the door with the palm of your hand as it started to swing back. Kevin's footsteps, fueled by a mix of anger and embarrassment, reverberated throughout the building. The echoes of his heavy steps were accompanied by a symphony of coughs, hushed whispers, and the distant cries of a baby from one of the levels above. This was your first time stepping foot in this section of apartments. Cracks ran up the walls and you followed the lines with your eyes as they spiderwebbed out across the ceiling; chunks of plaster had crumbled away, revealing the inner parts of the framework. A dense layer of dust and dirt had settled on the floor, with the damp corners transforming into a mud-like substance. You thought your building was a shithole, but this one certainly shifted your perspective. If the hallways were this bad, you could only imagine the condition of the actual apartments.

Tess and you never disclosed the exact details of your residences within the Boston QZ. There were small references scattered throughout your conversations: a shared connection residing in her building, a tidbit of valuable intel picked up from a soldier in yours, Tess frequently mentioned an entrance to a tunnel system in her basement, and you revealed a vulnerability in the wall behind your place—a FEDRA-secured spot discreet enough to go unnoticed yet fragile enough for someone with the right knowledge to exploit. Tess had told you just enough information for you to assume she lived in Area 4. 

Uncertain of Joel's whereabouts, you pondered the possibility that he ended up going with Tess. However, one thing was clear: erring on the side of caution seemed wiser. Plus, the prospect of a day spent in anticipation had a certain appeal, certainly better than your other options.

Upon returning to the building's entrance and starting to ascend the steps, a voice captured your attention. "What brings you to this part of the QZ?" The tone carried a blend of amusement and genuine curiosity.

"Hannah, what... where have you been?" Your heart sank as you turned and examined her face. In a different world, you might have embraced her, shedding tears of joy at her mere existence. But this was not that kind of world. “I thought you were dead.” Your voice became eerily quiet as your throat began to burn. 

“Got sent to the hole for a week…then a month.” She replied, the bruised swelling on her cheek evidence of her troublesome ordeal. “Turns out those FEDRA bastards aren’t all talk.” Her mouth curved into a frown, and her voice took on a small, almost melancholic tone. The implications of her words made your stomach twist into a tight knot.

“I’m sorry. You just got out?” you inquired, tracing your thumbnail along the pad of your index finger. She nodded before heading toward the stairs on the opposite side of the hallway. With a quick motion of her head, she gestured for you to follow her. You wondered: Perhaps she would know where Tess lives.

The two of you ascended the narrow staircase in silence. The nature of your usual conversations was not suitable for casual hallway talk, especially with the ever-attentive ears around.

“Seriously though, what are you doing here?” In a hushed tone, Hannah asked when you reached the third floor of the building, glancing nervously over her shoulder. Your hamstrings throbbed from the steps, and a wave of dizziness washed over you due to your lack of nutrition. You waited for the small child accompanied by an elderly lady to pass by, allowing them to create some distance before responding.

“I’m looking for Tess and Joel, you wouldn’t happen to know which unit is their’s?” Your voice quivered unmistakably as the words escaped your lips. The moment you uttered their names, Hannah halted, fixating on you with a vacant expression. She rubbed her lips together a few times before releasing a nervous sigh.

“Why?” The word came out like a tautly pulled string, resonating deep with tension.

“It’s not–it’s not like that I promise.” The desperation grew stronger when you realized Hannah, in fact, knew where she lived. “I can’t tell you much, you know how it is. I haven’t seen her in a week and I’m worried, okay? I just want to make sure she’s okay, or at least try and see if Joel knows.”

Hannah scoffed, a wince accompanying the smile that graced her face as her bruised cheek lifted. “Good luck with Joel. But- uh…” She let your voice trail off as if she were contemplating. “They’re on the fourth floor, room 402. It’s down the hall from the stairs, second room on the left. If I find out you–”

“Hannah, I promise.” You cut her off before she could finish. Her look softened as you both came up to her door. “I owe you one, seriously.”

She nodded a few times, lingering in the doorway of her apartment, avoiding eye contact with you. Uncertain of what else to say, you offered her a pitiful smile before turning away and heading back towards the stairs. “Hey,” Hannah yelled out to you as you walked away, causing you to turn back toward her. She glanced around cautiously before locking eyes with you. “If you go out again, be careful. Things are really… they’re getting bad.” Her voice barely reached your ears. With a single nod, you turned away, the sound of the door clicking and locking behind you.

The peephole seemed to stare back at you as you stood in front of the door. Almost ten minutes had passed since you found the apartment–room 402. The initial few minutes were occupied by your hand hesitating in mid-air, contemplating whether to knock. The past several minutes were spent pacing the vacant, dark hallway. You weren’t afraid of what was behind the door, despite the things you’ve heard about Joel, you harbored no fear for him. Your hesitation stemmed from what you might find out once that door opens.

You released a forced exhale through your nose, embarrassment and foolishness swelling within your chest. Using the meaty side of your fist, you pounded against the door three times. You took a step back, biting your lip in anticipation. Your ears strained as you tried to catch any indication of someone behind the door. After a few minutes passed with no response, you decided it wouldn't hurt to try one more time— one last attempt before you staked out on the ground and waited for someone to return, hopefully soon.

Again, you pounded on the door three times, this time a bit louder and with more force. Before taking a step back, you tried twisting the door knob, just to check–it was locked, as you expected it to be. A lot of people didn’t care, leaving their doors unlocked as nothing they had was ever truly their’s, but Tess had more at stake, and she was well aware of that.

Your attention sharpened at the sound of something falling inside the apartment. Leaning in, you pressed your ear against the door, furrowing your brows as you strained to concentrate on the muffled noises within. The muted murmur of a man's voice and the persistent scraping of wood against wood resonated in your ears. The vibrations from approaching footsteps reverberated through the ground, growing louder as the person neared the door causing you to straighten once again.

A gust of wind hit you as the door swung open, revealing a middle-aged man, his hair dark and wavy with whisps of gray and a patchy salt and pepper beard; you assumed this was Joel. “What?” His voice, laden with grogginess and hostility, carried a biting edge within that single word, nearly causing you to flinch. He wasn't looking at you; it seemed as though he was staring right through you. Your lips parted, but nothing came out. 

As he reached to close the door, his hand curling around its edge, you took a single step forward. “You know where Tess is?” Your words were calm yet firm, just as you intended. You could see the cords of muscles in his forearm strain as he halted the movement of the door.

"What do ya want with Tess?" His question almost sounded like a test, his eyes narrowing at you as he leaned against the doorframe. Glancing in your peripheral vision, you suddenly realized how isolated you actually were; the fear of the Joel Miller amongst the smugglers began to seep through your veins, making you feel awfully small.

Straightening your posture and tilting your chin up, you looked him in his eyes. You couldn’t tell if his eyes were dark as night, or if his pupils were simply dilated to hell. “Haven’t seen her since last week and she didn’t meet up with me this morning like she usually does, just wanted to make sure all was good.” You responded, aiming for a neutral tone to avoid sounding too overbearing. 

Joel ran his tongue over the front of his top teeth, looking you up and down with a gaze as hard as stone. Nothing was behind those eyes of his, which made your stomach twist and turn. You’ve dealt with a lot of different kinds of people over the last several long and grueling years, enough to learn that someone having nothing behind their eyes, is not a good sign. 

To your surprise, he allowed the door to swing open, its weight pulling it toward the back wall. Without uttering a word, he turned away. Taking it as an unspoken invitation, you entered, surveying the apartment before you. It was somewhat as you had imagined—dimly lit and dilapidated, but undeniably lived in.

The rotting wooden floor planks creaked under your steps as you crossed the threshold. He gestured toward the table, just past the door, indicating a chair. Walking deeper into the apartment, he headed to the kitchen, grabbing something off the counter. Pulling out the chair to face him, you observed the muscles in his back shifting under the dark green button-down. His elbow peeked out through a worn part of the shirt.

“So, do you know what she’s up to or not?” Urgency slipped into your words, evident enough for Joel to turn toward you, leaning against the edge of the counter. In one hand he held a glass bottle of liquor, in the other was an empty glass. For a moment, he stared at you, and you stared back, hardening your eyes.

“She’ll be back in a bit, she had some trade to do this morning.” He replied rather cooly as he stared into the bottom of the shallow glass. He blew into it to clear any dust that had settled. A sense of relief washed over you, however, a bit of confusion manifested. Some trade? You thought, wondering why she dipped in sewage and didn’t tell you beforehand. 

Tapping the tips of your fingers one by one softly on the table, you realized the piles of pills on the table, some in baggies, others scattered messily along the surface. Your eyebrows knitted together, the sun catching on the glass of empty bottles gleamed in your eye. Pills and alcohol. The sound of Joel belching caused your attention to flick back to him, his dilated pupils now making sense. 

“Mind if I wait here for her, we’ve got some urgent business to discuss.” You watched him carefully as he poured some of the liquor into the glass, throwing it back in one swallow.

He shook his head. “Be my guest.” His tone was sarcastic, sliding the glass onto the table as he passed you, making way for the bed that was just past the living room area.

Bite The Hand: Chapter Two

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[transgenderenkidu]

ok since i posted about it last night, i might as well finally debut my comicaurora sentinel au, even if my drawings for it are. not fully realized

in this chimerae are a localized disaster event that can spring up anywhere, draining the life energy for a mile around. in response (in accordance with the rule of cool), cities built the sentinel corps, giant robots to fight off chimerae before they destroy the city.

more under the cut

kendal is one of these sentinels, a relatively recently developed mark III whose pilot is vash fairblade, captain of the sentinels. there aren't any city gods in this au, so vash is just a guy. why does he have the same name as the city? bc i didnt want to change it. anyway. after a while, kendal develops something of an active mind instead of just being a giant robot¹, mimicking vash's own mind. and then a wave of chimerae attack the city, destroying it, killing vash, and leaving kendal the only remaining sentinel. in the midst of the destruction, though, he could have sworn he saw a woman, unruffled, just... watching.

the sun is on its way down when alinua finds the corpse. or, more accurately, she finds the sentinel. the pilot is still tangled in the cockpit, sentinel curled around him like it was trying to protect him. the corpse is of course vash, and the sentinel is kendal.

alinua still has the 'chimeric plague' (here hypothesized to be the cause of chimera events), and the only reason she goes with him is that a. hes inorganic (can't be affected by the life outburst) and b. if she does cause a chimera event, hes literally a giant robot designed for the specific purpose of fighting chimerae. and besides, vash the city is destroyed. there won't be any collateral damage.

sidebar, alinua can pilot kendal. it's a team effort - now that ive watched pacific rim, i think its a little like drifting if your jaeger also could think. tbh i also think canon kendal and alinua are drift compatible, but thats another post for another time

dainix is another mech pilot, though not willingly - zuurith's sentinel corps is not Exclusively prison labor, but what does it matter if a few prisoners die of brain hemmhorages while piloting? dainix, piloting the sentinel "champion", is the longest lasting prisoner pilot they've had, and he's brutally effective. there are murmurings that he'll be released and placed in the sentinel corps as a citizen, but if he is ever released he'd fuck off in a heartbeat, so he's still in prison, sentence artificially extended for as long as he's useful.

i'm still a little uncertain as to what kind of roles erin, tess, and falst play, so if anyone's got any ideas i'd be delighted to hear them!!

[ashecampos]

The ‘heart breaker’ and the ‘self centred’

Janis ‘Imi’ike x reader

Warnings : corse language, mention of past breakups. Enemies to lovers??maybe

(I’m so sorry if this is bad, I am currently high on pain and cold meds to try and get over this flu I have <3 also pls ignore how it switches from 1st to 3rd person so much)

You had heard the rumors about the infamous north shore high, everyone had. Little did you know, you would soon be apart of one of these rumors.

Moving schools was not on your list for the things you expected from the year. You had officially been expelled from your last school due to an incident that was not at all your fault. Now all you had to do was survive senior year at a new school where you only knew two people, one being your best friend, the other being a person you hated with your entire being. Janis ‘Imi’ike.

You and Janis go way back. Like as in third grade. You hated her and she hated you, end of story. Or was it?

It was now Sunday night, you and your best friend Tessa are on FaceTime and she is getting you up to speed with the north shore gossip.

“Soo Regina and the plastics aren’t bitches anymore, everyone is friends like in middle school and there isn’t much drama. Got it?” She says finishing her rant. A pen and paper in her hand with a map of all the drama you had missed on it.

“Mh everyone is queer, no drama, Janis still hates me, Regina isn’t a mega bitch, you and Aaron are fucking and me now starting fresh at your school totally isn’t going to cause any drama at all. Gotcha” I say while grabbing more paint from a shelf at the store. She nods silently then going on another rant about how Aaron and Shane are going to make a group chat with everyone im going to meet tomorrow in it, I nod while walking around. Until I bump into someone, their notepad nearly dropping to the floor but i managed to catch it somehow. Apologising profusely i look the person in the eye and my heart stops, blood running cold. Not even a foot away stands Janis ‘Imi’ike in all her glory. I stand there for a few seconds, the notepad held out for her to take but it seems that she is having the same reaction to this awfully awkward situation. She takes a second to scoff before grabbing the notepad and walking past, our shoulders brushing past each other “since when did you move back to Evanston?”she mutters before vanishing to the next isle. What the fuck.? Of all people you could’ve ran into it had to be her didn’t it? You thought “you did not just literally bump into she who shan’t be named” Tessa interrupts your thoughts to only add onto the embarrassment your feeling. “Shut the fuck up tess” i say as the girl on the other end of the call is in the middle of a laughing fit. I speed walk to the cash register and pay for my supplies before practically sprinting home. Anything to get away from Janis before I have to put up with her for the rest of the school year.

The night went quicker than I’d like to admit, I painted a little, lost track of time and ended up dozing off with my head on my desk. The next day came and I now stand in my closet, Tessa stood with me looking for the appropriate outfit that doesn’t scream ‘I got suspended from my last school and I don’t want to be at this school’. “Hm how about this” she picks up a pink shirt earning a disgusted look from me. She groans putting the T-shirt back and sitting on my bed and shrugging “just wear a band tee or something” she says. “Just wear a band tee or something” I mock while grabbing some baggy jeans from my closet, I scan my shirts before smirking and grabbing a button up shirt and a vest. “Gay” Tessa shouts at me, laughing and pointing at my doc martens “wear those” she says with a smirk.

The thing is me and Tessa are polar opposites, shes the most girly girl you will ever meet. Whereas I look like I just stepped out of a hot topic store. She was apart of the plastics before project ‘destroy queen bee’ was put into motion. She had stated many times how much she despised what Cady done to Regina. And even though I wasn’t apart of the school or had no reason to know the drama or what went down, oh she kept me updated. I even went to see Regina after she was hit by the bus. Which got me an one way ticket to Regina’s good side. You see being friends with Tessa can be a struggle seeming that she is the popular it girl, or the girl next door per say, however o wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Oi y/n/n Shane is making the group chat now, then we are going to meet up with everyone at the front of the school”

Moments after she said that my phone vibrates, I look at it while changing into my jeans.

*Shane Oman added you into ‘norths-whores hottest’ groupchat* I laugh a little at the name, so does Tessa as she starts typing away.

(NORTH-WHORES HOTTEST)

Tessi 🪽: “hey bitches!! ready to meet north shores newest hottie?”

(8am)

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “as long as it doesn’t cause me to get hit with a bus this time”

Kay-dee ✨ : “I told you I was sorry for that reg”

Karen 💁🏽‍♀️ : “wait we have a new kid?”

Gretch 🪬: “yeah Tessa’s mysterious best friend is transferring because they got suspended from their last school”

Y/n/n 🌺: “should I be concerned how much you already know about me? Also hey guys”

Shane💪🏽: “don’t worry it’s her thing”

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “well then congratulations and welcomes are in order, speaking of orders what coffees does everyone want im making a pitstop at Starbucks”

Gretch💁🏽‍♀️ : “ooo I’ll have a Strawberry Acai Refresher and Karen will have a hot coco, thanks babe”

Shane💪🏽 : “caramel latte thx Reggie”

Tessi🪽: “hot coco for me too babe”

“Oh and y/n/n said they will have a iced chai with oat milk and brown sugar syrup and they said thankyou”

*Reginald 💁‍♀️liked tessi’s🪽message*

You where now driving both you and Tessa to the school, your palms where beyond sweaty and you felt the lump in your throat grow worse the closer you got to the school. Tessa was sat in the passenger seat belting out show tunes, as you guys did every day in the car. It was settling your nerves a little as you clutched the steering wheel, keeping your eyes on the road.

You pull up to the school with Tessa’s help as she directs you to where the parking lot is then directs you where to park. You see Regina’s pink jeep and Shane’s black Tesla parked next to each other so you park next to Shane upon Tessa’s request. The two of you get out of the car, simultaneously grabbing your bags and linking arms, you softly nudge her and put your sunglasses on, sniggering slightly “hey, we’re gonna rule the school” you say quoting grease like you do every year “hm yeah and how’s that went the past ten years you’ve said that?” She nudges you back cocking one of her brows “okay rude, but in my defence we haven’t been in the same school the past four years” you point at her “well let’s make this one count” she says before waving at a group who you recognise to be the infamous plastics and shane.

“Soo you must be y/n, god Tessa wasn’t lying your banging” Shane comes over, his hand outstretched for you to take, you press you hand against his and hug him, eventually letting go of the hug, he hands you your drink while another set of arms wrap around your torso making you laugh “hey Karen, I missed you too” you laugh hugging her with one arm while you hold your cup in the other. She looks up adorable as ever and smiles widely, seconds later her face drops “OH MY GOD YOU GOT A MULLET” she screams, pulling away, almost knocking your drink out of your hand, you laugh even harder as she runs her fingers through your hair, admiring the shaven sides of your head. “You like?” You say, she nods before unhanding you, she turns to another girl who you assume to be Karen’s girlfriend, Gretchen, the girl is pretty, clad in an academic fitting outfit, a plaid beige skirt and a white turtleneck, she was one of the prettiest girls here, she smiles at you, giving you a simple nod. You walk over and hug her, you then turn to Regina who practically tackles you in a hug. “Who’d you fight to get expelled this time?” She whispers into your ear making you smirk “legally I can’t say but don’t worry they got what they deserved” you say as you hug her back. She slaps your shoulder and gives you a stern look “no more fighting or I will make your life a living hell” she smirks back at you.

After a brief catchup you head to the principals office to grab your paper work and schedule which was only a quick pitstop due to the fact that you had been there yesterday to hand all your paperwork over to secure your place at the school. Once you got your schedule you went straight to home room which was your first class of the day, looking down at your schedule, you walk straight into the back of someone. “Dude watch where your- oh you have got to be fucking with me now” the person says just as you open your mouth to apologise.

There in front of you stands an angered Janis ‘Imi’ike, her face drops seeing you for a second time this week. She rolls her eyes “are you following me or some shit?” She says, earning an eye roll from you “oh ku'uipo, don’t flatter yourself, my world doesn’t revolve around you” you say while walking around the girl and into your home room class, she stays stood in the doorway for another moment seeming to be frozen in place before she snaps out of whatever trance you had managed to put her in and she then walks inside the room, taking the last available seat, the one in front of you. Just before she sits herself down you manage to catch a glimpse of her face, red with a bit of a flustered expression. You grin a little acknowledging the fact you still had that affect on her after so many years.

Home room drags, the teacher is sweet though, she introduces you to everyone and proudly embarrasses you by telling the class you won the state art competition last fall which in turn earns a look from Janis who’s eyes have never left you since the teacher pulled you to the front of the class. As soon as the bell chimes your out of there having endured enough embarrassment for one person to handle. You make it your mission to get out before Janis can. I then go looking for my next class. Chemistry. You walk in expecting to be in a class full of randos but to your surprise and dismay you walk into the class to find the class full of your newfound friend group and Janis. Of course. The teacher strides in pointing at the whiteboard where a seating chart is etched into. You look for your name as the rest of your group goes and sits down, you smirk a little when you see that you are all on one table. Not bothering to look who else is on the table you go sit without hesitation. “So how was everyone’s first class?” You start, everyone groans seeming to already be put off only an hour into the week. “Oh I have some gossip for ya..oh hey Janis” Gretchen says which makes your face drop. You whip your head around praying it’s not the Janis you think it is, yet there she stands. All colour drains from your face, you look at Tessa for help but she is too busy trying not to die of laughter. Regina seems to have a similar reaction to yours with the girl being at the same table. And yet again much to your dismay the girl sits next to you, slamming her book down and looking at the front of the class toward the teacher. “Hello students, my name is Mr Jenkin and im your chemistry teacher. So seeming that we are in chemistry I like to have all the students on the same tables to have a lot of chemistry. Today’s class revolves around getting to know your groups. So one person from each table grab a deck and we shall play charades” the teacher says as he throws like seven decks of small card on his desk with a smile. Oh now this one is cute, he seems a little too nice for his own good, especially in this school.

Regina takes it upon herself to go grab the cards, taking the rubber band off of them and flicking it at Tessa who flips her off with a laugh. “I guess I’ll start then” she says reading the first card. She snickers a little before looking around the table and pointing at Aaron. “Boy?” He says straight away, Regina then shakes her head but stops and waves her hand around to say that he was right but she needs another word. She then points at her head earning a few weird looks from the table, it took me a few seconds to click on but I quickly realised what she was getting at “boy genius” I mutter quietly not being too sure on if I was right but she smiles and nods, holding her arm out to make me stand up as she hands me the cards. “Who’s boy genius?” Karen says with a big smile “an amazing band” both me and Janis say in sync earning a look from everyone in the group, I look at Janis before looking down at the card that says ‘love’ I roll my eyes and groan a little, I put my hand over my heart looking around the group to see if anyone will click on “heart?” Tessa says first, I shake my head and another idea pops into my head, I make a heart with my hands while looking around again. “Heartbreaker?” Janis mutters, earning looks from the group again, I sigh and shake my head before Tessa swoops in and says “love” which o nod to. She grins and gets up, allowing me to sit back down. A few more rounds go by and it is now Janis’ turn. She stands up brushing by me and picks the cards off of the table, she looks down for a few seconds before she points at herself making me snigger again. “Self centered?” I say proudly earning a slap from Tessa who scolds me silently. Janis snaps back “don’t make me tell your new little friends who you really are because believe me I will” she stares into my soul, my fists clenching under the table, I take a deep breath before shaking my head and grabbing my bag and leaving, hearing the group calling after me and Tessa saying “seriously Janis is there any need? She didn’t mean what happened” the teacher then calls after me before asking what everyone on the table what the hell happened. Tessa thankfully made and excuse as Janis also left the classroom.

I end up in the bathroom, slamming my fist against the wall of one of the stalls. Before wincing in pain instantly. I throw my bag and slide down the wall so I am sat down with my knees to my chest. The door to the bathroom then opens and in walks Janis. She sees me and walks over crouching down so she in face to face with me. She hesitates for a few seconds before placing her finger under my chin and making me look up at her. “Hey breathe for me yeah?” She says in a calm, knowing tone. My breath hitches a little before it picks itself up again, I struggle to breathe earning a concerned look. She tries talking to me again but it falls on death ears. I look around the bathroom frantically trying to find something to help myself, then out of the blue I feel a pair of lips on my own. Her lips. The lips that had been tormenting my dreams for the past five years. She pulls away after a few moments which felt like a lifetime. She looks at me before assuringly repeating what she said before “im sorry for what I said. I know it wasn’t your fault, im just still not over it..over us” she looks down before going to stand up, I quickly use my uninjured hand to pull her back into me, we share another kiss until the bathroom door swings open. Revealing the whole friend group.

[sunshineblondiewrites]

The First of Us - Chapter 1

My sister tried to eat me

Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n)

Series summary: you and your father meet Joel and Tommy 6 years after outbreak day. You join their group trying to make it to the Boston QZ not realizing all that joining would entail. You eventually make it to the QZ but not without suffering many losses. Tommy decides to join the Fireflies and you and Joel are left with your smuggling partner, Tess, when years later you meet a teenage girl that will bring you and Joel across the country, and maybe together.

Summary: You're 14 years old on September 29th, 2003 living in a small village in Kentucky with your parents and little sister on a farm. You couldn't have imagined how the day would go and the people you would meet 6 years later.

Warnings: death, outbreak day, friends to lovers, reader has a sister, minor physical descriptions of reader, grieving, FFM threeway (does not include reader, cannon typical violence(if I miss any please lmk)

a/n: this is my first fic! I'm super excited and also super nervous... the first three chapters are backstory and then chapter 4 and on will be pretty similar to the show! I wanna say thanks so much to @who-has-my-green-banana for helping me proofread and spellcheck and everything. Hope anyone who reads this, enjoys!

word count 6.2k

Ch2 masterlist

Friday, September 26th, 2003 Hazel, KY

It was a beautiful day. The clouds perfectly covered the sky to make it so that it wasn’t too bright outside but it was still sunny. You still had to walk down your mile-long driveway to the bus stop, so you were able to appreciate the weather every morning. Dad said that as soon as you turned 16 he’d let you drive to school, even though the area you lived in was so small that some parents were letting their kids drive at 15 when they just had their permits, but your dad is a stickler about laws, rules, and safety. He isn’t strict per say, but a protector and chronic worrier. 

The small village of Hazel, Kentucky, where your family farm resided, is home to only 450 people, meaning you had quite the long bus ride to school in the next town over. Hazel is known for its antique malls that dot main street and the “Hazel Day” celebration. Hazel Day was coming up actually and the town was getting ready and getting excited, but no one was more excited than your baby sister, Hazel. Your parents named your sister after the village because it was quite literally a community effort to get her into the world. Your mom’s water had broken in the middle of the local market and she somehow managed to progress so fast that there was no time for hospitals and only time for a sweet old woman's 5 minute car ride to her house and Hazel came not long after in an all natural tub birth. You’d never heard your mom scream so much. 

Hazel Elizabeth was born on September 30th, 1995. You were 6 years older. Your parents had tried for a very long time to get pregnant again after you. Your Dad really wanted a boy but after Hazel essentially arrived with a bow already in her hair it was clear that wasn’t happening and you were his only option, so he decided to teach you the ins and outs of farm life in hopes you would either take over one day or marry a man to take over, you couldn’t quite figure out which. That was another thing about the town of Hazel, people frequently got married right out of high school since the town was so small and was so incredibly old fashioned. Your Dad however never let you watch or do any of the butchering, he always said “killing is a man’s job, no woman should have blood on her hands.” But you didn’t care because you frequently named the animals and you slept better not knowing which of your pet chickens was in your mom’s chicken noodle soup. 

When you finally arrived at school and sat at your desk for your first hour, groaning internally when the usual ruckus broke out from the junior boys. They seemed to have no problem that they were still taking sophomore level English. You, however, were taking classes a year ahead. You were something of a smarty pants thanks to your mom’s ever present hand in your education. She worked part-time at one of the antique shops so she was often home to help with your studies or let you out of chores to go read. Her parents couldn't afford college for her so she wanted the best chance for you to get a good scholarship and be able to go. 

“Well aren’t you all extra fidgety today?” Mrs. Charleson said, “But it’s Friday, so pop quiz time to make sure you’re all caught up on the reading.”

Madison smugly raised her hand and you visibly cringed before the smart ass remark you knew she was about to make made its way to the surface. She’s your “neighbor” because her family is the only people who live within 6 miles from your house. “If you give us a pop quiz every Friday, is it even a pop quiz anymore?” She said and the Junior boys giggled. Gross.

“And yet some of you are still surprised,” Mrs. Charleson replied, smiling just as smartly. That made you and many other students laugh, proving why she was without a doubt your favorite teacher.

—

You aced your quiz. When the final bell rang you couldn’t wait to get out of there. Something was just off with everyone today but you couldn’t quite decide what it was. You headed to your locker to grab your snack of raisins and peanuts and then started walking in the direction of the local dress shop where your sister would be getting the final alterations done to her dress for the Hazel Day pageant.

“Hey Hazie!” you shout as you walk in and see your adorable baby sister. Her blonde curls somehow so effortlessly laid across her shoulders.

Hazie shrieks your name in excitement, “Come look at my dress!!” You walk further into the dress shop to see your sister in her Barbie pink pageant gown that you’d guess weighed more than she did soaking wet. It had everything a girl like Hazie could ever dream of, pink ribbons, ruffles, and even lace.

“Well aren’t you just the prettiest princess!” You said giving her a twirl.

“Oh don’t move so much I haven’t taken out the last pin!” Mrs. Vivian said. She was the owner of the dress shop and also the old woman from the market who took your mom to have a baby in her bathtub. She gave your mom a discounted rate for alterations for your sister’s endless pageant dress collection which helped your parents be able to support her pageant dreams. It was still a fucking expensive hobby and your parents definitely had more financial strain because of it, but whatever to make your little Hazie happy. 

Once alterations were done, Mrs. Vivian promised to have it done by October 1st which was 3 days before Hazel Day. “And don’t worry about this round of alterations Lillian, this one’s on me,” Mrs. Vivian said.

“Oh Vivian I couldn’t possibly allow you to do that,” your mother frantically replied. She absolutely hated accepting help from anyone.

“No, no, I insist! It’s a birthday present for our future junior pageant Queen.”

“Well, thank you, could I still at least give you a tip?” Your mother began bargaining. Mrs. Vivian along with everyone else was obsessed with your sister. Disney Princesses may not be real but they came to life in sweet Hazel Elizabeth. She deadass would have squirrels and birds and whatever else following her around, it was bizarre. But you couldn’t deny the fact that the effect of the sweet beacon of innocence and joy your sister had on people affected you too. Hazie was your everything, there’s not a single thing you wouldn’t do to protect her, not that she needed it. She may be pretty and cute, but she had quite the stubborn head on her shoulders.

“Momma can I have one more cookie before we go?” Hazel asked with the biggest doe eyes you ever did see, in what world would your mother ever be able to say no to her?

“You’ve already had two… how about half if you split it with your sister?” Your mother replied. 

“Okay!” Hazel grabbed the chocolate chip raisin cookies Mrs. Vivian had made and split it mostly in half and handed you the other piece. You were still a little hungry, but you’d just had your snack of raisins and decided that your daily tolerance of their texture was up, so you slipped Hazel the half she gave you on your walk back to the car.

“Shh,” you smiled at her, winking and watching her sweet blue eyes brighten at the sight of what would complete her third cookie. You tossed your backpack in the trunk next to Hazel’s homeschool books and popped in the front seat next to your mom. Your parents decided to homeschool your sister when the pageants and travel started affecting her ability to attend school. Plus it was one less thing your parents would have to pay for, so most of Hazel’s school supplies were just your old school supplies. It seemed like your mom kept everything you or Hazel ever touched. 

“Mommy? I feel a little funny.” Hazel piped up from the backseat, interrupting your looking-out-the-window-music-video-vibe you had going on while listening to Beyonce’s newest hit “Crazy in Love.”

“Honestly me too Hazie. Now yours may have to do with the three- yes, three- cookies you ate today. I saw you trying to be sneaky,” your mother glanced at you for a second, “but I think the weather’s changing so it may have something to do with that too.”

“Yeah it’s probably just a bug going around. People were weird today at school too,” you added, trying to ease Hazel’s worries.

“A BUG?? I don’t wanna be sick for my birthday Mommy,” Hazel pouted.

“Oh you won’t, love. It’ll pass, I promise. Do you have any homework today?” 

“No, just a test I need to study for in science.” You saw an opportunity and decided to take it. “So I’m not sure I can go to the pre-banquet tonight.”

“WHAT?” Hazel shouted from the backseat.

“Your sister’s right, the banquet won’t be a good use of her time if she needs to study. She’ll be at the pageant though, don’t worry.” Your mom’s obsession with your studies increased once your parents pulled Hazel from school, so you couldn’t be happier to study for your science test. Sitting in a stuffy room all dressed up eating stale food and surrounded by a bunch of snobby girls and their mothers was not how you wanted to spend your evening. You liked dressing up for church on Sundays and special occasions and you wore a little makeup every day, but you certainly were no pageant girl.

“Gosh it’s already 5:00. Help Hazel get ready will you? We need to leave in 45 minutes if we wanna make it there by 6:20…” your mom got out of the car rambling. If your dad was a chronic worrier your mother was an incessant worrier.

“Come on Hazie, let's get you all dressed up,” you said. You were no makeup artist, but for only being 14 and hardly wearing any makeup, you considered yourself pretty good. It was probably due to having done your sister’s makeup for so long. You may not like doing it very much, but you loved making Hazel happy and this definitely made her happy. 

“Stop jittering so much. I can barely get this eyeliner on straight and you know I’m no good at eyeliner anyway,” you said.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just cold," your sister said softly. You immediately felt terrible and grabbed a light pink blanket off her bed and draped it over her shoulders.

“Maybe you are getting sick?” You took your hands to her forehead, but she was cold. “Huh no fever, though.” You more or less got her eyeliner on and started to touch up where her natural curls had flattened. Then you pulled the front bits back into a half up half down look and applied just a touch of tinted lip gloss. She may be required to wear makeup for these pageants but you still wanted her to look more like herself. 

“Thank you sissy,” Hazel said and gave you a big hug.

“Of course. And always remember you’re my favorite princess and you’re so so beautiful no matter what anyone says about you,” you said. You’d always been worried about what the effect of pageant life would have on her. You’d seen how deathly skinny some of the older pageant girls are, but you’re just glad Hazel still wants a third cookie.

“HAZEL ELIZABETH WE NEED TO LEAVE!”

“You better go. You know what mom’s like when she thinks she's gonna be late,” you warn your sister.

“I don’t know why she thinks we’re gonna be late, right now we’re still getting there 25 minutes early.”

“Ah, but,” you start.

“Early is on time, on time is late, and late is just unacceptable,” you and Hazel quote your mother perfectly. 

“HAZEL!” Your sister's eyes widen as she gives you a kiss on the cheek and then runs out of her room. You hear your mother shout love and goodbye, but leaves you no time to respond before the door slams and you’re met with silence. 

Just how you like it.

—

When your dad came in from the fields to find you at home, he wasn’t at all surprised, but that did mean you had to help him out with a few final things he wanted to get finished up today. When you tried to fix up something for dinner you realized your mom has been so preoccupied with Hazel and the pageant next weekend that going to the market must have slipped her mind, so you both settled on popcorn for dinner. 

“Now if we’re having popcorn for dinner, we have to watch a movie,” your dad said, shrugging.

“I think you’re right.” You could study for the test later. “What do you wanna watch?”

“Hmmm, how about Harry Potter?”

“Sorcerer's Stone or Chamber of Secrets?”

“Chamber of Secrets for sure. I wanna watch the scene of Hermione as that nightmarish cat” your dad replied. You started searching the DVD cabinet for the movie. “By the way, when’s the third one supposed to come out?”

“Uhhh sometime next summer I think? Ya know, you could just read the books to find out what happens.”

“And spoil the movie?! I would never,” your dad dramatically puts his hand out in front of you, reminding you where Hazel gets all her sass from. You, on the other hand, were more like your mother- empathetic to all, but protective of those you care about. Always a silent watcher and observer, thinking and planning what the correct response or move should be in a situation. It’s why your dad refuses to play board games anymore because either you or your mom would destroy him and Hazel and then it was just a battle between the two of you to see who could outsmart the other. You’d only beaten your mother once. She always seemed to be one step ahead of you. She claims it’s what happens when you become a parent, you’re too mentally prepared for any option to be surprised when something happens. Your dad would always say that’s bullshit because it’s never helped him out, which then turns into your mother scolding him for cursing around Hazel. You work with him in the barn so you’ve heard all the profanities, thanks to his frustrations, so she's not worried about you. She’s under the impression you just filter it out and have the vocabulary of a saint, but in reality you just don’t do it around her and your dad graciously hasn’t told her. 

About thirty minutes into the movie, your dad is passed out on the couch so you head upstairs to study for your test on Monday. Whatever made your teacher decide a test after the weekend was a good idea needs to be reevaluated. You plopped down at your desk, opened your textbook and notes, and began to go through them. You had stayed up late the night before studying the reading for the “pop quiz” you took today so your eyes started drooping a lot faster than you thought they would and before you knew it you had passed out on your desk reading your notes.

—

It was 11:30 when you heard it. A strange, croaking noise coming from down the hall that awoke you from your impromptu nap. You were a little disoriented from falling asleep at your desk. Your desk lamp was off, so you assumed one of your parents had shut it off before they went to bed. You turned the lamp back on and realized you had drooled on your notes. Shit. You had only smudged the ink a little bit and decided they were legible enough before you heard it again. Is there a fucking frog in the house? You tried to reason with your very sleep clouded brain when the croaking got closer and you heard a door creak. You got up from your desk chair to peek out your door and saw a small shadow had appeared in the darkness of the hallway. Assuming she also heard the freaky croaking noises and got scared, you called out to her in a whisper.

“Hazie? Are you okay?”

She tilted her head at you and you heard more croaking.

“Hazie…?” 

She jumped at you, and an inhuman sound came out of her–a shriek or scream or something you couldn’t even begin to describe. Before you knew it she was on you, clawing, snapping her teeth, and scratching. You were quite a bit bigger than her, and Hazel has always been quite small for her age so you could overtake her physically, but the mental hurdle of trying to understand what she was doing was a battle.

“Hazel? Hazie? Hazel? What the hell is going on, stop it!” You were wrestling with her at the top of the stairs and were starting to get scared she was gonna take you both down them. She kept croaking and screeching and suddenly the light was turned on. Your father stood at the bottom of the stairs, not croaking thankfully, but looking confused. When your mom and sister came home they must have left your dad on the couch and shut your lamp off.

“What the fuck are you two doing? Get off her!” You didn’t know who he was referring to but you didn't have time to ask before you heard more shrieks and inhumane croaks coming from your parents room. The door was shut but it was shaking like someone was pounding on it.

“Dad, something is wrong,” you said, starting to panic now at the possibility your mother would come barreling out of the room acting just like Hazel, or worse. Your dad started moving up the stairs, causing Hazel to suddenly stop attacking you and fly at your father, straight down the stairs. Hazel, or this creature that looked like Hazel, missed your dad completely and basically just flung herself down the stairs. That fall should have killed her or broken a bone at the very least, but she hit the bottom and just got straight back up, then turned to look at the two of you. The croaking and shrieking coming from your parents room was now partnered with sirens and helicopters outside. You didn’t know what was happening but you knew everything was changing much too fast for your liking. 

Hazel stood there, staring at you and your father, and started twitching. Similarly to how she had while you were doing her makeup, but more violent. She opened her mouth and in the light from the lamp in the living room and the one above the stairs you could see that there was a tendril-looking plant coming out of your sister's mouth that was moving on its own. You almost thought you were hallucinating. Something compelled your father to move. He barreled down the few stairs he’d come up and grabbed your sister by the neck like he was about to choke her, moving her head up to immobilize it. He studied her for a second before throwing her in the kitchen pantry and shutting the door. She started croaking again. But now she was also screaming. Not the shrieks from before, it sounded like the Hazel you knew. Screams she’d make when she saw a bug or got dirt on her hands. Screams she made when she fell off her bike. Screams like how she should have screamed when she flung herself down the stairs. 

Your dad calling your name brought you out of your daze. “I need you to grab something heavy that I can put in front of the door,” he shouted over Hazel and your mother’s screams. You’d never heard so much noise. So much unpleasant noise and it was loud. Loud. So, so loud. You couldn’t think. You could barely will yourself to move from the top of the stairs. Your arms stung and were sticky with blood pouring from where Hazel had scratched you. Could you even say that was Hazel? A more concerning bang from your parents door made you run down the stairs much faster. You could take Hazel in a fight like that, but definitely not your mother. Thankfully, the door held through. You don’t know where you found the strength to push the DVD cabinet in front of the pantry door. Just a few hours ago you were searching through it to find Harry Potter, and now you’re using it to trap your “sister” in the pantry. 

“What is happening?” You frantically asked your father. More like yelling at your father over the noise. You just needed it to stop being so loud so you could think. 

“I don’t know.” Your father moved from the pantry door that was barely holding on due to your sister trying to break through it. She isn’t that strong. She can’t be that strong? Your dad turns the TV on to see news reports of towns and cities on fire, people killing what looks like other people before cameras could cut away. The signal was barely pulling through, but you could see enough. When the signal was fully cut out, your dad moved to the radio, where they were talking about people who were acting similar to your mom and sister, and how they’re not safe and people need to run or kill them. Then there were croaks and screams and the signal went out and all you heard from the radio was static. Static, screaming, shrieking, your father’s heavy breathing, you couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

“Go to your room, shut the door, lock it, and stay in there until I come get you,” your father moved over to his desk in his office and took his gun out of the drawer and loaded it.

“Dad…? What the fuck are you doing?” You followed him, but suddenly heard gunshots in the distance and more sirens and you both looked out the window. It was rare to hear sirens all the way out where you lived, so you both knew that if you could hear them, it didn't mean anything good.

“What everyone else is,” he said, turning from the window to look at you. He moved to where you were at the front of his office and you could see the conflict in his eyes when he looked at you. “I don’t want this on your conscience.” You couldn’t hold it in anymore. You started to cry. You cried, the shrieks blending in with your sobs. You so desperately wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

“I know sweetheart, I’m sorry.” You looked up and your father was crying too. In your 14 years of life you had never seen your dad cry. That scared you even more. 

“Go in your room,” he said sternly, trying to hide his emotions and tears. You wordlessly followed his orders, taking one last look at the pantry, the pounding on the door was going to be the last thing you saw your sister do alive. Your father was about to kill your sister, and your mother. And you were not only letting him, you almost felt thankful. They won’t have to suffer anymore. At the top of the stairs, right before the door to your room, you watched the pounding on the door to your parents room too before slipping into your room and closing the door, locking it, and staying there. Just as you were told. You’d always been a rule follower, but you just never thought it would be something like this.

A few minutes passed before you heard the DVD cabinet get moved and the pantry door finally break open. You assumed your dad had to talk himself into what he was about to. Then you heard it. Bang. A set of croaking stopped and you heard your dad’s sobs as he climbed up the stairs. You sobbed into the pillows of your bed. Then you heard the same thing as before, the door opened, and then the gun went off.

Bang.

And you’re met with silence, but this time you don’t like it.

—

6 years later, date unknown, year 2009

It was a beautiful day. Sunny with a soft breeze. You stood at the two matching headstones with the wildflowers you’d gathered, taking the dead ones out of the pot and adding the new ones. You and your father had stolen the headstones a few weeks after outbreak day. You couldn’t even really say stolen. The owner had gotten infected, and no one was really around to stop you. You and your father carved their names into them that night and wheelbarrowed them over to where you buried them the next morning. Lillian Rose and Hazel Elizabeth. You saw their bodies, for closure purposes. Both with a bullet in the head and cordyceps, you now knew, in their mouths. They didn’t look like them, which helped only a little bit because it didn’t help any with the fact they were dead. 

Your father and you drove into town the morning after and got a little bit of information. What law enforcement had told them to do in town, none of them apparently cared enough to go out to the countryside assuming we were all dead. Then what we knew so far about the people being dubbed “the infected,” it passed through bites so you were okay since you only got scratched but you and your dad were both on edge for a few days. And that the town leaders left were calling for a meeting to see who was alive and who wasn’t. 

Out of the 450 people in Hazel, 25 people remained. Two of which being you and your father, so 23 others. Most of them were the only ones of their families to survive. It seemed like if you didn’t get sick, a family member bit you before you could do anything or register what was happening. That seemed to be what happened to your neighbors. Your dad killed a lot of infected people that day, including Madison and her family. It seemed like her parents had gotten sick and attacked her because she had a bite mark and they didn’t.

 The general consensus of the meeting was that you can try to make it to what eventually became the Nashville QZ, at the time it was just a government support station, because it was closer than the Frankfort one or you can stay here and play survival. Most of the older people decided to try to make it to the QZ, but you and your dad decided to stay. You both felt safer in your own hands rather than someone else’s. After some cars were stocked with people, gas, and food you sent over half of who were left away.

You started playing adult that day. Your father asked for your opinion on every decision setting up this new version of your father-daughter relationship as partners and equals, knowing the two of you were really the only ones you could trust. You’d gone through everything the two of you did that day, why hadn’t you two gotten sick? You figured it out before the authorities did that it was probably flour. The only common thing you and your dad had done was not eat something with flour. Even six years later you think about what might have happened if you had eaten the cookie and gotten sick or if you and your dad had decided to order pizza instead of just eating popcorn and got sick. 

You raided the market for non-perishable goods first, then houses. You stepped over bodies, infected and not. You gathered a hell of a lot of gas and stuff for your farm animals. Living off of your land and what you could find was hard, but after you heard about what was going on in the local QZs you were glad you and your father decided to stay.

You were already pretty outdoorsy, but your father taught you even more. You had your own gun now, you practiced throwing knives in your spare time, and you helped with the butchering now and again. You tried to stay good, it’s what your mom would have wanted, so the occasional straggler was given a meal and a place to sleep for the night before “gently” being told to get on their way. You rarely ran into infected, but when you did, you killed them with ease. Your dad hated when you wouldn’t let him do it. He was still trying to preserve some kind of innocence he thought was left in you.

You can’t lie to yourself, the apocalypse and the world shutting down requiring you to work more combined with the fact you had just gotten older had given you the looks you wished you had at 14. You could tell by the way men looked at you when they stopped by your house, and because you weren’t blind. You were 20 now, your body was now fully developed, your hair was long, you’d gotten slightly taller, and your body was thinner and more toned. 

You and your dad decided to do one of your rare visits to town to find some cars to get gas out of and maybe check in with the people and make sure they’re doing okay. Out of everyone left in Hazel, you were significantly better off than most people because of the farm and just being more able bodied. There weren’t a lot of families in Hazel, most of them were in the next town over, so it was a lot of middle to late aged people just doing what they could and trading with you and your dad for food. You certainly weren’t living luxuriously or comfortably per say, but your worries were certainly less than others.

Your dad headed into one of the antique shops on main street to see if they still had anything of value. You both ignored the fact this was where your mom worked, and that you’d searched this one hundreds of times, rarely finding anything, and you were only here because it made you feel closer to her. Then you saw them, straight in front of you. A group of people you’d never seen before. They’d just walked out of what used to be the local bar and it looks like they found a stash the other people in town had either been saving or hadn’t found yet. The man at the front of the group noticed you first then said something to the others that made them look your way. It immediately made you worry, you’re used to taking one, maybe two people in for a night but not… 8.

“Dad?” You called softly trying not to give off that you were scared but with enough urgency that he came out immediately. He too noticed what you had seen and that they were headed right towards you.

“Fuck,” he said taking his gun out from behind his back and holding it down at his side, as did you.

“Well hellooo there,” the man who was in front said with a bit of a southern accent, “who might we have here to bless us?”

“Mike, how about you?” your father said and you smirked.

“Well I’m Ryan, and we’re just a group of people trying to get by, you think you could help us with that?” You scanned over the group of them, out of the 8 only 2 were female, but they all looked set to kill you and your father at any second. But there were two men in the back, however, who looked uncomfortable. They looked similar enough to be at least related, maybe brothers. One was taller and more well built than the other who was only slightly shorter but skinnier and with more defined muscles but you could tell they could both pick you up one handed and throw you down with ease. The taller one definitely caught your eye the longest, he looked like he’d seen some things.

“That depends, what exactly do you want from us?” Your father did the talking and like always you did the observing.

“Some food to start, our location, and maybe something fun for later,” Ryan said, eyeing you. Bold. Now you had to speak up.

“I don’t know what you had in mind but I can guarantee my idea of fun and yours may not be the same,” you said softly but not unstrong. You can sense that he doesn’t like hearing no so you’ll at least be gentle about it.

“Oh please enlighten me,” he said, taking a step toward you. You took a step toward him.

“I like to throw knives, and I can think of a target I could practice with, if it's not too small,” you say, giving him a sweet smile. The other members of the group giggle and this Ryan guy backs off.

“Aren’t you just a sweet peach,” he said sarcastically.

“Now, we can help with the food and location, but if you’re going to stay here you’re going to follow our rules. Got it?” You said.

“Now what makes you think we’re gonna wanna abide by that?” Ryan says.

“Because you wouldn’t be asking us for help if you didn’t need it, and looks to me like this girl over here is coming down with something so you need medication too. I can also tell that you all are longing for a good night's rest and haven’t eaten well in a few days, so if you want any of that, you're gonna listen to us.” Your observations seemed to sway them because soon enough they were in the bed of your dad’s pickup and you were headed back to your house.

— 

You all exchanged information and food. They snarfed their meals and you couldn’t blame them. You learned most of them were from Texas but a few were from Louisiana and Mississippi. They were traveling north, apparently the QZs in the bigger cities like Boston and Philadelphia were doing better than the Kentucky ones so they were trying to make it there because life in the open was getting harder and harder. You learned that the FEDRA people had finally developed a test for cordyceps that pinched you in the neck and the reader would light up green or red. But the most thought provoking thing you learned was about raiders and FEDRA raids. You and your dad had thought the FEDRA raids were over, but apparently they were still going out on random raids to try to collect people. Not things or supplies, people. And then killing them because dead people can’t get infected. But the sound of raiders just terrified you. You figured the people in front of you were raiders of a sort but they seemed to be on the better end of what’s out there.

“We only kill if they attack us first, raiders kill first,” a woman named Sasha said. You looked at your dad and you could see the thoughts crossing his mind. We won’t be safe from any of that. 

“If you think it would be best, you’re welcome to join us. Your food supplies should get us most of the way there and if we can ride in your truck it would help us get there faster. Try to find better lives for all of us,” another guy whose name you haven’t been told yet said.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea Blake, but we’ll have to let them think about it,” Ryan said in response. 

You looked at your dad shrugging your shoulders slightly, “It’s not a bad idea, we’ll eventually run out of things here and one dry season and that's it.” Your dad looks at you slowly and you try to communicate with your eyes what you’re really thinking. It’s an opportunity to get out of here with actual able bodied help to maybe find somewhere easier.

“Okay,” he says to you first, “okay,” he says again directed at Ryan.

You picked up some of the dishes and headed into the kitchen to start washing them. You quickly grabbed the extra soap from the pantry and a common thought of yours crossed your mind, that you didn’t have to open the door anymore. You heard footsteps behind you and who you expected to be your father was actually the two men you had guessed were brothers, carrying the other dishes. 

“Oh, well thanks…” you said, a little surprised.

“Yeah, no problem,” the younger one said with a real southern drawl you hadn’t heard in a long time, “I’m Tommy by the way. And this is my older brother…” 

“Joel.”

[stormyoceans]

There's a comment on youtube which said along the lines, 'puen read tun's diary, he must've known about tun's unrequited love for tess, so by saying puen is gonna live tun's life to the fullest could also mean that he is indirectly fulfilling tun's wishes of been with tess too' how come this never crossed mind! Even though puentalay didn't explicitly state to others in that universe they had feelings for each other, pretty sure their friendgroups understood the signs. So to think when Tun comes back and find out that the people in their bodies had loved each other and were happy he must've felt a sort of happiness. Because even though tesstun's situationship related to the first switch between universes, their comeback had very little to do with each other. They switched back solely because of puentalay and them realising they are each other's portkeys. Thoughts monica?

MY THOUGHTS ARE THAT THIS SHOW NEEDS TO STOP BEING SO GOOD IT HAS LITERALLY RUINED ME FOR ANY OTHER SERIES LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON WHEN NOTHING EVEN COMES CLOSE TO IT AND INSTEAD OF GETTING TIRED OF REWATCHING IT I KEEP FINDING NEW DETAILS THAT MAKE ME GENUINELY FERAL AND IN DESPERATE NEED TO CHAIN MYSELF TO A FENCE LIKE A WEREWOLF DURING A FULL MOON ✋😭

honestly i’ve never thought about puen fulfilling tun’s wish of being with tess specifically (WHICH. SCREAMING BTW), but i did think a lot about puen and talay trying to live tun’s and tess’ life to the fullest and being able to achieve all of their dreams while doing so. it’s hard to say if this was necessary to make them switch back, because im convinced that ultimately that’s due to puen and talay learning the lesson the universe thought they needed, but it’s also not a coincidence that they were given those specific bodies to inhabit, so i feel like they wouldn’t have gotten to that lesson without living those lives to the best of their abilities

idk how to explain this in a quick and coherent way because i have way too many opinions about portkeys and fate and choices and identity, but. like, everyone agrees that talay and tess switching back to their respective universe is all thanks to talay’s efforts (because tess literally did NOTHING), but i’ve seen a lot of people wondering if puen and tun switching back is due to one or the other. to me it’s clearly due to puen, not only because it happens at the culmination of his character’s journey (accepting himself and being finally ready to tell his name to talay), but also because tun, while obviously not ruining puen’s life LIKE SOMEONE ELSE DID WITH TALAY’S [SIDE EYES TESS], did not make it better either. when he comes back, puen is still alone. when he goes back, tun has achieved his dream of becoming a famous screenwriter and is in a relationship with tess. by using a stratagem like the travelling between universe, i think the show actually did a great job in showing the different attitudes someone may have towards life, not just your own, but other people’s too: you can live selfishly (tess), you can just survive (tun), or you can live life as best as you can (puen and talay). this is also why i get very annoyed when people watch vice versa and say stuff like ‘the concept was interesting but why they were making a movie rather than explore the fantasy part’, because THE FANTASY PART IS NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!! THE POINT IS WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO WITH THE LIFE AND THE TIME YOU’RE GIVEN!!!!!!!!! THAT’S THE MESSAGE OF THE SHOW AND THE GENERAL LESSON THEY ALL HAD TO LEARN BUT THAT ONLY PUEN AND TALAY REALLY UNDERSTOOD!!!!!!!!!!

anyway. not sure where i was going with this or if this makes sense but yeah i have way too many thoughts about this and all of them boils down to VICE VERSA SERIES OF ALL TIME PUEN AND TALAY CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME PUENTALAY RELATIONSHIP OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[teddy-tastic-the-toon]

Disadventure Camp Rant 🚧(spoilers for EP 8 below)🚧

Ok, SO- I had already expected Ellie to get the boot this episode, pretty much since the last episode. And, honestly? I'm glad she’s gone- but not because I dislike her!

First off, HUGE Ellie defender and lover of her character here- she's actually part of my top three and man do I love her design and motivation! She’s so real and desperate in a way I think many people can relate to nowadays. She’s obviously portrayed to be kind and caring person to all those who’ve met her outside of the game, even mentioned by Kai in one of his greetings! It’s also obvious how much she adores Gabby and I thoroughly believe that she would ultimately choose her if it came down to it.

Still- I can’t deny that her cut-throat competitive nature would have gotten the better of her at some point. She was becoming really harsh and Tess has a really good point, one I 100% agree with. The game was NOT good for her, and she honestly would have permanently burned so many more bridges if she’d have continued. Plus, it would be silly for her to win as she’s displayed her competative nature again and again, so it was she’d likely have been soon to go anyways. If she, by the slimmest chance, made it to the merge? She’d have been either an early vote if most of yellow didn’t make it, or an easy Villain boot if they did make it. The only one of the four remaining that would possibly want to keep her in would be Alec, but after last season’s finale? It’s be a long shot. The point is that there’s literally no way she would have won, so better now than later.

To get back on topic though- the biggest reason I’m glad she’s gone though? (hoping for) More Gabby character development/screen time! She was a pretty early boot during the first season and her character has been mostly revolving around Ellie thus far in All Stars. I'd simply love to see some more of her interacting with the other contestants and even just her on her own! She’s obviously got something up her sleeve, and highly potential allies to back her up! Villain Gabby arc? Uh- YES PLEASE-

All in all, a bittersweet ending for my girl Ellie- really hoping Gabby gets far! (Gabby for the win lol) Going to cross my fingers for a Gabby vs Grett ending, though that's 100% wishful thinking. Also though- SO psyched about the confirmation that they use pet names! I wasn't sure how cringy-cutesy I could get away with being when writing them but I'm glad it's cannon lol. They're so adorable- can't wait to see Ellie again in the finale! (kinda sad we didn't get her reading off the patrons, though hoping that it means there's a chance she’ll be back?? MAYBE???)

[outer-edges]

The first question of the day comes later than usual, the early winter sun high in the sky as it nears noon. It’s a crisp day with a snap in the air, and there was a fresh snowfall last night, but the wind isn’t blowing, and the sun is warm. He and Ellie both managed to snag some sleep last night, then they had some canned sausages and powdered eggs for breakfast. They shot the shit for a bit after breakfast before breaking down camp and starting on the road. All in all, not a bad start to the day. Probably one of the best starts he’s had in a while.

“Hey, Joel,” Ellie says after a bit of silence.

She’s been on the quiet side these past few days. Not for any particular reason, as far as he can figure, just been a sluggish stretch for the both of them. He blames the shift from fall to winter. It’s had both of them reorienting and searching for their footing, especially after that little tiff they had in the Cabela’s.

Joel doesn’t respond verbally, but he gives a little hum grunt combo, the one that means he’s listening and waiting for her to continue.

“What’s your last name?” Ellie asks.

“Why do you care about my last name?” he asks back, more curious than guarded.

“I mean, I just think it’s weird we’ve been traveling together all this time, and I don’t even know your last name,” she explains, “I guess there’s been no reason for it to come up, but still, it feels weird.”

“Miller.”

Ellie blinks at him. “What?”

“My last name is Miller.”

“Oh,” she sounds almost disappointed, “Miller. That’s so…normal.”

“What did you expect?” Joel asks, sending her a sidelong glance over his shoulder. She’s dragging behind a bit, and he slows down his pace a bit until they’re side by side.

“I dunno,” Ellie shrugs, “Something cooler than Miller.”

He just shrugs. Not much to say. Not much to do. His last name is Miller, always has been, always will be. Ellie might want his last name to be something cool, but it’s not like that shit matters anymore. Last names stopped mattering when the world ended. Even FEDRA doesn’t give enough of a shit about them to keep track of their last names half the time. The only people who get last names in their books are the ones on the wanted list. Joel had a last name. Tess didn’t. She was smarter than him. More careful. Also a hell of a lot more powerful. It helped that Joel tended to toss himself in front of any speeding bullets, metaphorical or literal.

“You could always lie about it,” Ellie suggests after a minute, “You know, think of something really badass and intimidating.”

“Alright,” Joel agrees, “You got any suggestions, kiddo?”

“I don’t fucking know,” she says, “What are cool last names? Like, Savage. Or Wolfe. Or both.”

He deadpans. “Joel Savage Wolfe?”

“Oh, c’mon! You know that’s badass!” Ellie fires back.

It’s not. It’s really fucking not. But it makes her laugh and bounce in a way that warms his old bones and weary heart, so he begrudgingly accepts it. They spend the next half hour or so suggesting last names. Well, she suggests, he rates them on a scale from one to ten. By the end of it, he’s Joel Savage Wolfe Butcher Eastwood Flintlock Miller. Ellie decides she’s also a Flintlock because it’s too badass a last name for him to hog, and she becomes Ellie Flintlock Slaughter.

It’s only later that it occurs to him that he doesn’t even know if Ellie has a last name.

(She does. It’s Williams. She tells him over dim firelight with an almost sad tone in her voice. He wonders if that’s the name FEDRA gave her, or if that’s from her parents. He doesn’t gather the nerve to ask.)

[rachaelrobin4]

doing a rewatch of vice versa as i wait impatiently for friday so here’s my running thoughts:

this show’s premise was so cool and interesting. did it fall flat a bit, sure, but it took risks which i loved

one thing about talay/tess, he was gonna wear a fire fit. and don’t forget the crossbody bag

i’d forgotten that vice versa gave us aouboom, my babies

jimmy looks so different. like the same, but more refined, which makes sense but took me off guard

they literally died (and Puen was drunk driving) like!?!

okay, like I said I adore this show, but they really kinda do fuck all for 2 years huh? Like they write 2 movies but plot wise, nothing really happens lol

they really had them bathing together and cleaning each others faces longingly in ep 3 🙃

the pink!!

also i’m sure it was mentioned but talay having a crush on someone named Mhok in high school. iconic

guys talay/tess in the same classic bl rich-asshole-dude blue, black, white polo shirt. see love in translation and only friends for reference lol. he really set the standard.

up and aou being upset cause their dads had a fight was so iconic of them

they are literally so in love it’s crazy. like the most domestic couple ever.

your honor if I don’t see these two next year, i’ll cry

Our Skyy 2:

correct me if i’m wrong but are puentalay the longest canon couple in gmmtv? 7 years together (I’m counting everything okay) (also don’t correct me cause idc lol)

these episodes make me want a jimmysea show that is our dining room adjacent. like jimmy raising his little brother and sea helping as they fall in love 😭

anyway, that’s all for now until I gush about my favs yet again

[fezwearingjellybananas]

Answer the questions then tag 5 fanfic authors

Tagged by @kitkatt0430 thank you!

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

My friend sent me a e-mail with some Doctor Who/Sherlock crossover fics to read and they were fun and I already liked writing but was too nervous to actually share any of it, so it seemed like a good way to practise being less nervous because it didn't have to have my name attached to it or be connected back to me in real life

I am less nervous than when I first started, but I'm definitely still too nervous to share anything with my real name attached to it.

How many fandoms have you written in?

AO3 has 25 on my profile but some are connected (like the various dctv shows and several different comics that are all dc)

How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Ten! More or less, I don't have the very first stuff I put on ffn any more, but it's about 10

Do you read or write more fanfiction?

It probably varies from month to month depending on how inspired I am to write, but I think it might lean towards read, certainly at the minute

What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I may still be nervous often, but I have grown in confidence, which in turn does let me experiment with fics more- like using first person POV in the Barriscowest Sherlock Holmes AU, leaning more into horror with Nightmares, dipping my toes in the Eobarry sandbox, criticising the soulmate trope in Blank- without worrying too much about "this one is different will people like it" to actually sit down and write it, and I hesitate over the post button less.

What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I read an entire research paper on CFL quark matter for a throwaway line (and because I was curious) and I still understand literally nothing about CFL quark matter. I'm so glad I did chemistry not physics

What’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

All of them? I really love the ones where people pull out a line though, especially when it's a line I loved writing. And @goldheartedchaoticdisaster's Eobard insults, I love those so much

What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I guess I like playing around with rare pairs sometimes to see if I can make a story out of changing relationships around? There are a handful of ships where my fic is the first to use the tag, and there is still only one fic in the Tess Morgan/Tina McGee tag and I wrote it. The same is true of the Laurel Lance/Lily Stein tag only AO3 haven't listed it as a tag you can search for yet apparently, so that probably fits fringe

What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

I think everything has its challenges but the hardest parts are always when the characters don't know what to do because putting myself in their spot is also going to mean I don't know what to do, but to get the plot rolling something's got to come next

What is the easiest type?

Short, dialogue heavy conversation fics. Or I assume these must be since that is often what I end up writing

Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

On my laptop, on my phone, in notebooks (though this is typically original writing, not fanfic), and typically mornings and evenings, but honestly whenever I've got a moment and an idea

What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

Original fiction. I've got the idea, I write little bits occasionally, but I know all my trouble writing that one stems from anxiety over what do I do when it's done. One day I'll write it though

What made you choose your username?

Doctor Who. I was panicking a lot and it was the first thing I could think of so I entered it into the box before I could chicken out yet again (Eleven has his "fezzes are cool" bit, the jelly is as in Jelly Babies, and the banana is from the Ninth Doctor)

Tagging @roboticnebula @ftl-faster-than-life @alittleflashvibe @annnesbonny and @spectralarchers if you would like to?

[td-frog]

thoughts on dcas e8:

the challenge

tbh i thought this was one of the weaker challenges they've had so far. the 1v1v1 at the end was an interesting twist, although it kind of felt like it didn't live up to the potential? like obv it'll adds to the love triangle drama but it was literally "build a ladder. go up the ladder."

idk overall it was fine it just felt like less of a challenge and more of a setting for the characters to interact in.

magenta team

jake and ally fighting like kids is really funny to me. like it makes sense given jake's abandonment issues flaring up re:ashley but he's really being sooo hostile out of nowhere.

yellow team

i'm so glad the yulgrett plot is progressing. this man is so stupid. literally grett is the only thing standing between him and elimination since alec and riya so clearly hate his guts, and yet.

aside from that i really like alec's two confessionals about fiore and yul- i like that he acknowledged not wanting / expecting fiore out, and that he pointed out yul being a shitty boyfriend. like we know he was a shitty husband but he still has standards.

cyan team

so tom's boyfriend is 100% fake.

also i called it on ellie leaving. i have mixed feelings about gabby- on the one hand i like that she's maybe getting more to do now and it does line up with her previously established character, but the black-and-white friend-or-enemy thinking was something i never really liked about her in s1.

also i get that it's important for keeping the villain's alliance relevant given that they're all so dysfunctional, but i don't love this particular set of villains all that much.

also shoutout to tess for being the only reasonable person on this show

predictions

i don't think magenta will face another elimination before the merge, unless something major happens next episode. it's just that between the love triangle plot and the fighting for ashley's attention plot, it would have to be ally, which removes the tension from that second one so soon after establishing it.

i think yellow could lose next time, and i maintain my previous prediction: yul loses if grett figures him out and votes for him, riya loses if it goes to tiebreaker (or if yul survives via immunity idol).

i don't think cyan is likely because the obvious boot is gabby and she like just decided to be a villain. it makes more sense to me that they'd lose a villain from yellow.

again i have no idea when merge happens. all bets are off if that's next.

love triangle was less central to this episode but i expect it to come back next time what with jake tricking aiden. ellie not being around to influence it could also change up the dynamic.

would like tess and ally to connect again but idk how likely.

villain's alliance will probably take center stage- gabby has expressed the intention to join them and yul is starting to blow up his relationship, so they're ripe for drama.

ellie not reading names at the end maybe indicates she's coming back although i doubt it's next episode if at all.

[agentmmayy]

january & february rotation

i mostly listened to songs i’ve had on repeat last year these past few months, but here are some new ones i enjoyed!

love u already - fleurie: i haven’t met you yet but i love you already!!!!!!!! dreamy and wistful and so hopeful i love it 

one i wanna be with - trella: oh bop!!!!!!!!!!! this ENTIRE SONG just makes me so happy!!!!!!! it’s so full of love!!! every lyric hits but especially i can’t help but wish we met before we did

i know what love is - honeybee: this song is so mellow and sweet i adore it. i’m always a sucker for love songs like this. it jumped me right from the lyric you gave me your heart like you had it to spare. also i am obsessed with how this song mirrors the classic i wanna know what love is

i walked a mile in my room - miki ratsula: when i tell you i still haven’t recovered from this!!!! will you take me as i am will you love me still tomorrow? this song has me by the throat. still not even fully processed the TITLE jesus. 

california - lisa mitchell: this song is on a playlist @152glasslippers made me and it’s been stuck in my head for the past 2 months. obsessed with how in this song california isn’t just a place it’s a state of being and of mind. california is just a placeholder!!!! a name put to something unnamable so it can become tangible!!!!! the lyric that hit me the most was shadow weighs a ton bc wtf. it’s longing and hopeful and also at the same time foreboding? 

petals on the moon - wasia project: they had me at moon what can i say. it has such an infectious beat i want to skip along to it. this song makes me think of walking down a busy sidewalk during a cool windy day and people-watching and reflecting the entire journey until getting home. it’s whimsical. hand down favorite part is i feel like i can’t help but always feel so blue but in the end i know i must keep pulling through. it’s the epitome of i can’t go on, i’ll go on!!!

let go - stories, amelia mclean: this song is so gorgeous and gentle not only with the lulling chords but also the vocals and the continuous build up and release. 100% have cried to this a few times in the last month. it’s accepting and comforting and encouraging 

empty vessels - lilli furfaro: THE LYRICS IN THIS SONG ARE INSANE!!!!!!! i literally cannot wrap my head around it. it’s just so good. the entire concept of being empty and being filled up with love again and again only to pour it out again and again and repeat the cycle?????? not having a purpose or being used until that love comes along???? at least it means i’m useful now and then??? i was made to pout out all my insides??? i‘ve been sitting in your highest cupboard???? i was built to hold the weight of safety??? MY BELLY FILLED WITH RICH ANNOINTING OILS???? YOU SNAP ME BY THE NECK TO BREAK THE SEAL????? I AM CRAWLING ON THE CEILING!!!!! CHEWING ON DRYWALL!!!!! WAILING AND SCREAMING AND SHAKING!!!! this is another one of those crazy, destructive love songs that i eat up every time 

always & forever - lilly kershaw: the natural follow up to empty vessels. each lyric blew my mf mind but especially you said you’re gonna love me full and i said how could that be when i’ve never been whole and i’ve never been free. like????? 

antiques - holden laurence: god the desperation in this makes me want to claw my chest open and rip my heart out. the beat fucks in this jaunty rhythm that’s such a juxtaposition to the haunting lyrics and vocals. then the bridge?????? i promise to be strong i promise to believe in love that lingers on i’ll see you in my dreams. I’M CALLING THE POLICE. i have no ground to stand on for this opinion and not to blorbo this but i will. this is a tess/joel song. not only because of how apocalyptic this feels (which is a whole other discussion) but also meet me in the space between all the words unsaid when we could not speak meet me i’ll be waiting for you there. thanks for coming to my ted talk

the subway song - delacey: bawled my eyes out listening to this one for the first time whew babey! take me home i feel homesick i don’t know where i’m going too many faces but none i know and i’m alone. excuse me!!!!!

[bread--quest]

more details about them are under the cut in case one of them sounds familiar and you want to doublecheck. if you know what the 8th one is please tell me

mr. revere and i: book narrated from the pov of paul revere's horse. she was formerly a british horse but through some amount of shenanigans was given to paul revere instead. she had an entire arc about unlearning her loyalty to england and choosing to side with the americans that was extremely compelling to young me

all-of-a-kind family: jewish sisters on the lower east side in turn of the century new york. i read so many books with that premise but these were my favorites. uhh there were 5 of them, oldest was ella and then i think hattie and then sarah, charlotte, and gertie. it was a series and later there was a little brother who had to get his name changed because he fell down a manhole (long story). they went to the library and coney island and ate soup and did jewish holidays. probably at least 15% responsible for my fixation on nyc. they were everything to me.

the year of the dog: book about an asian-american girl growing up. her name is pacy and she likes to draw. has a lot of conflicted feelings about being american vs. being part of her family's culture which i related a lot to for reasons that i'm sure you can guess

cobble street cousins: 3 cousins growing up on a street?? actually it was two sisters (lily and rosie) and their cousin tess. they had a cool aunt who was dating a botanist. tess was a broadway nerd. they had a cool attic hideaway. the books were excruciatingly cozy i love them

project mulberry: ANOTHER one about asian-american girls feeling conflicted about culture are you noticing a theme here. uhh a girl and her friend who collects state quarters do a science fair project raising silkworms and then trying to embroider something with them. they get help from a guy who has a mulberry tree and is black and her mom has to confront her inner racism. at one point the author talks to the main character in like the footnotes for some reason

the pushcart war: LOVE THIS ONE SO SO MUCH BTW EVERYONE SHOULD READ IT. uhh its new york in Very Slightly The Future. (it was like 1940s when this was written but the date gets changed with every reprint.) everything is the same but traffic is slightly worse. its supposed to read like an account of an actual historical event. pushcart peddlers get fed up with being literally pushed around by truck drivers and get organized. using pea shooters they make the trucks get flat tires so that everyone can see that they're the main problem of traffic. does a surprisingly good job going into all the ways seemingly small political action can have effects (newspaper articles, local government elections, other unions being affected, even trade with other nations). not exactly a union novel but basically a union novel (to this day i still think of a certain part of it whenever someone brings up union dues). basically radicalized kid me if we're being honest.

the fairy rebel: well it was either that or the rebel fairy can't remember. really weird one honestly. okay so a woman named jan hurts her leg and can't dance and also can't have kids and is like clinically depressed about it. weird beginning to a kids book but it gets weirder. a fairy shows up and makes friends with her and in exchange for jan teaching the fairy what jeans are the fairy makes a magic baby for jan. the baby has a streak of magic blue hair. there are also magic rose presents. the fairy queen is evil and has evil wasps and gives the kid an evil necklace and does some really fucked up stuff like nearly crush the kid under toys. it's okay eventually though i think

haunted doll one: okay so i read this at a campground once and it's probably the most genuinely obscure one on here but. a girl finds a doll and like. touches it? or picks it up or something? and somehow the doll transports her back in time to like a wagon chain exploring the west or whatever. and i think the doll is there in prairie times too. can't remember if the modern girl like possesses the original owner of the doll on the wagon chain or if she just gets prairie isekai'd but i think it's like a recurring event. also at some point someone gets bit by a snake and maybe dies. i don't remember how it ends but the general vibes of the thing terrified kid me So Much that it's haunted me ever since. if you remember this book please tell me