#also me: just noticing for the first time the pinch of want to alex’s brow in the third gif

[ninzied]

Tonight, Henry's silly and warm and ready, his body quick and smooth to give Alex what he's looking for, laughing and incredulous at his own responsiveness to touch. Alex leans down to kiss him, and Henry murmurs into the corner of his mouth, "Ready when you are, love."

[fangirl-dot-com]

Alex Albon ft. Lily - Karma

Aaahhhhh, welcome to part 5 of this series! Now this one takes place farther into the season. But, I wanted to publish this series as one, instead of doing separate chapters for when they happened after races. This one is going to take place leading up to the Silverstone Grand Prix! So the July 3-ish (Austria is July 2 and Silverstone is July 9, so the week in between). As of this chapter, reader now has three different couples who would absolutely do ANTYHING for her. 

Like always, comments, questions, concerns, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated! Love you all <;3 

[TAG LIST IS CLOSED]

“Are you for real?” you muttered to yourself as you looked at your mismatched luggage. You really needed to ask Lando if he could get you some new suitcases with that fancy company he has a partnership with. And someone had tried to get into your suitcase, because you noticed the latch had a few scratches on it. You’d definitely be calling the airline later. Max was right, you should have just flown in with him on Air-Max. 

Definitely next time. 

At least you had all of your luggage. You were still standing next to the carousel when another small bag caught your eye. For some reason, the tag also had your name on in. You carefully grabbed the bag with mesh windows and looked at it. This was definitely not yours. You stepped away from the area and took a seat on a bench. You placed the bag on your lap and unzipped it. Your eyes widened at the sight. 

Inside was a large, fluffy cat. Big eyes stared up at you as you stared back. Your head leaned to the side, and it’s head followed you. Your hand bolted to your phone in your pocket. You needed to call the number one cat-dad. 

The phone rang for a few before, and before Max had an opportunity to answer, you voice flooded the air. 

“Max, I have a cat and I don’t know what to do with it!” 

Max paused for a bit on the line. 

“Hello?” 

“I heard you kid. Aren’t you supposed to be at the airport?” 

You huffed. “I am. But when I was getting my bags, this carrier-thing had a tag with my name on it. I opened it and there’s a cat inside! I’m too young to be a mother.” 

“Y/n,” you could image him pinching his brow. 

“I had a goldfish once and he died three days later.” You were starting to freak out. 

“Take a deep breath.” You did as instructed. “Ok, here’s what you’re going to do. First, does the cat have any identification on it?” 

You reached in and carefully parted the cat’s fur. On his neck was a little collar with a pendent that had a figure of a horse. Other than that though, there was nothing. 

You spoke into the phone, “No. It doesn’t.” 

Max sighed on the other line. “When I fly in, I will meet you at your flat and we’ll see what we can do. Are you being picked up at the airport?” 

“No. I have to go get my car. Someone brought it last night so I could drive to my flat by myself for a few days before the race.” 

“That’s nice kid. When I get in, I’ll call and come over. Kelly has been wanting to see your flat for a while. Something about her promising you that she’ll help you decorate the rest of it? Can’t believe you didn’t ask me.” 

You deadpanned, even if he couldn’t see it. “Max, you display your championship trophy on your Red Bull mini fridge. You have no interior design instincts.”

He sputtered over the phone, before he was interrupted on the other side. “Ok kid. I’ll see you when I get there. Houd van je geitje.” (Translation : Love you kid) 

“Love you too. Have a safe flight.” You hung up and looked back down at the cat, who seemed to be more wide awake. “Hi bud.” Your hand reached under its face and scratched lightly. The cat started to purr lightly. 

You stood up after you re-zipped the carrier. Luckily, it had a shoulder strap so that your two hands could be free to get your suitcase and keys. “Ok cat, let’s get going.” 

You started to make your way to the pickup car line. Thankfully, there weren’t too many people there. You walked right up to the counter. You gave the nice lady your name and ID so that she could get your keys for you. 

As you waited, your mind drifted to your semi-new vehicle. You had finally decided what car you actually wanted, so Christian, Vito, and Max had decided to come with you for the purchase. You, of course, had matching cars. One for Monaco and one for London. Lando had begged you to get a Jolly like he had, but you wanted something a little more classy. 

Your dark green Porsches were your children. 

Unlike Max, you didn’t want to necessarily buy a car that “supported” a rival team. You were tempted with one of the new Audi models, but the two Porsches just screamed at you. It had taken a while to get approved, but they had finally become yours about two months ago. The one you kept in Monaco was an older, classier model. The one you had in London was a bit more flashy with its convertible top. 

As you were daydreaming about driving your beloved car once again, two people had come into the room. And one of them did not sound happy. 

“What do you mean our hotel has been canceled. Yes I know we still have the nights for the two days closer, but not for the next two! Where are we supposed to stay? Also, has there been any news on Horsey?” The man sighed, and sounded like he was choking back a sob. “Ok, please keep me updated.” 

Your curiosity got the better of you. Turning your head, your eyes landed on one British-Thai Williams driver and his amazing golfer-girlfriend. You decided to be friendly, and a bit nosey. 

“Hi Alex,” you almost whispered. 

His and Lily’s head whipped up at your voice. He was able to shoot you a small smile. 

“Uh, is everything ok?” you prodded. 

Alex’s mouth opened and closed, trying to find words. When he couldn’t, Lily spoke up for the two of them. 

“Well, our hotel was canceled and we really can’t find a place go figure. And the airline somehow lost Horsey.” 

You cocked your head. “How does an airline lose a whole horse?” The two of them giggled. 

Alex finally spoke up, “Logan thought that Horsey was an actual horse the first time as well. Horsey is actually my cat.” 

Your eyes bulged. You were about to speak when the nice lady returned with your keys. You quickly thanked her before walking closer to the couple. You gestured for them to follow you. Once the three of you were outside, you parked you suitcase before pulling the carrier closer. 

“So, I’m thinking that he’s actually yours then.” You handed the carrier over. You had never seen Alex act as quickly as he did. He gently placed the small bag on the floor and unzipped the top. Horsey’s head popped out and he meowed loudly at the sight of his owner. Alex scooped him up and brought him close to his face. 

You continued, “Somehow, he had one of my name tags on his bag. I’m glad that Max now doesn’t have to help me find where he’s supposed to go.” You offered a small smile as your hand now rested on the top of your suitcase handle. 

Alex now had a bright smile. “Thank you so much. I was devastated when I couldn’t find him. The airline swore that he was on the flight. I guess he just got a bit misplaced.” He turned to Lily. “Now what are we going to do about the hotel situation.” 

Lily got out her phone and started to scroll; Alex’s head was leaned over, trying to see the screen. An idea popped into your head. 

You spoke up, “Well, my flat has a guest bedroom and my car is big enough to hold the luggage.” You shrugged as you pointed in what you hoped was the direction of your Porsche. 

Lily shook her head, “We don’t want to intrude.” 

Your hands waved in front of you. “Nonsense. I invited first. And besides, a friend of Logan’s is a friend of mine.” 

Alex looked shy as he smiled, “Well if you don’t mind. It would only be for a night or two!” He quickly added that last bit. Redness flushed his embarrassed face. 

“Perfectly fine. I think Max and Kelly are coming over tomorrow if that’s ok,” you asked as you made your way to the car, Alex and Lily followed. 

“Y/n. It’s your flat, we don’t care.” You popped the trunk and struggled to get your suitcase in. Stupid clothes. Alex quickly shoved the fur ball into your arms and took yours and Lily’s suitcases. The two of you smiled at each other as you also watched Alex struggle. 

“What did you both pack in here?” 

“Clothes,” your voices sounded at the same time. A smirk was shared as the trunk finally was able to be closed. You handed the cat back to Alex as you opened your door. Lily climbed into the passenger seat, while Alex took up the back row with Horsey. 

You carefully turned your car on, and it rumbled to life. You slowly backed out of the parking space, turned, and headed to the exit. As you stopped at the stop sign, your finger pressed the button for the top to fold back. As soon as your car was outside the garage, the sun seemed to fill up the extra space around your group. 

As you drove to your flat, you mentioned, “Lily, you can play some music if you’d like to.” 

She swiped up on her phone and connected it to the Bluetooth. “Any song you want to listen to?” 

You thought for a moment. What song could you choose and not be embarrassed to death. Lily seemed like a T-Swizzle woman. 

“Uh, how about Karma by Taylor Swift?” You thought that Lily would be the excited one, but a gasp from Alex had your eye brows raised. 

Lily rolled her eyes, “Alex is such a swiftie.” 

It was your turn to gasp, “I say when we’re all together, us, Daniel, and Lando need to go to a concert together.”

“Lando is Swiftie?” 

“A closeted one, but a swiftie none-the-less. I think Charles is one too.” 

Alex also added, “George is one as well.” 

“Shut up. I love that. Go Carmen.” Lily finally took this opportunity to sing. You rolled the dial for the volume and turned it up. As the car flew down the street, the three of you screamed at the top of your lungs. 

“Karma is a cat!” Alex held Horsey up in the middle. 

“Purring in my lap cause he loves me,” Lily say along. You had been able to put your sunglasses on. You felt cool. Look at you, hanging out with adults. If Max could see you now. 

The drive to your flat wasn’t a long one and you got there quickly. As the car came to a stop under the covered walkway, your doorman came out to meet you. 

“Hi Richard,” you sweetly said to the older man. He wasn’t like grandpa old, more like Christian-old. 

“Welcome back ma’am. I see you’ve brought visitors?” He gazed at the driver and golfer. 

“Yes sir. They’re staying for a couple of days. Something went wrong with their hotel.” By now, Lily had been given Horsey and Alex was working on getting the luggage out. 

“Glad to see that you’ve taken Mr. Verstappen’s advice.” Richard smiled at you. 

You scoffed. “Max just thinks that I have no friends.” 

Richard replied, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you really don’t.” You heard Alex laugh behind you. Your eyes squinted at the Thai. 

“I will leave you down here.” Alex looked worried for a bit before Richard started to laugh. “Richard I don’t pay you enough to laugh at me.” 

“Y/n, you don’t pay me.” 

“I know. All right folks, let’s go upstairs.” You took your suitcase from Alex and hauled it behind you. Richard always so kindly parked your car for you. Something about how he didn’t want you to have to walk from the parking area to the door. 

The elevator was filled with a comfortable silence. You quickly sent a text to Max to explain the situation. He and Kelly were already planning to stay at a hotel nearby. Your flat was open to them if they didn’t want to sit in the room. 

The elevator doors opened and you led the pair to your door. You looked over fondly at Logan’s door as you unlocked your own. You would have invited him over as well, but he wasn’t getting in until later. 

Once the lock had clicked, you opened the door and was met with the scent that was undeniably you. The warm hints of vanilla and cinnamon wafted around the space. You were so glad that the automatic air freshener had kept working while you were gone. Your apartment in Nice never smelled the best, and it was so depressing to come back to. 

“Welcome to mi casa, that’s French for front door.” You channeled you inner George Russell and held your hands out wide, showing off your living room. The pair just looked at you a bit strangely. You put your hands back down. “That’s actually not French, uh, Arthur and Charles would have my head.” 

Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, but it’s too late to change anything. “Uh, I can show you the room? It’s not decorated the best, but there’s a pretty big bed and closet space.” You turned around to start walking down the hallway. They followed you closely. 

Once you opened the room, the two gasped. You winced, thinking that it was a bad one. 

“Y/n this is so lovely,” Lily told you, putting her hand on your shoulder. 

You beamed at the praise. 

“Thank you,” you shyly muttered. Alex still had a look of shock and awe as he stepped into the room. You think that the big window helped bring the room in a lot. 

“You need to tell me how you decorated this,” Lily spoke as she looked around the room. You rubbed the back of your neck. 

“Well, Kelly helped me a lot. And I spent a questionable amount of time on Pinterest. The rest of the house still needs some help, but the bedrooms were the easiest to get done.” 

“It looks great,” Alex finally found his voice. 

“Thank you. You two are welcome to look around. I’m going to go unpack and take a shower. Did you two want to go to dinner? Or we can stay in and I can make something?” 

The girlfriend and boyfriend looked at each other, silently communicating. Finally Lily broke eye contact and looked at you. 

“If you don’t mind, and if it’s no trouble, we’d like to stay in.” 

“You two both agreed with that by looking into each other’s eyes?” They nodded. “Fair enough. I’ll go to the store after.” 

Lily offered to go with you and you happily accepted. The minute you got to your room, you allowed yourself to breathe. You shot a quick text to the group chat with you, Max, and Kelly. 

Little Racer: 

Hey, so we made it and I’m making dinner tonight  Do you two want to join? 

Big Racer: 

Sure kid. We land in a few hours.  Just let us know when you want us to come over! 

The Better Half:   

Hi sweetie, sounds good.  Are we still on to go out tomorrow? 

Little Racer: 

Max you still need to learn how to not type with punctuation Yep I’m all good! Also, Lily and Alex are staying with me for a bit, could I invite her as well?? Max and Alex can do something manly 

Big Racer: 

eXcUsE mE? Interior design is manly enough 

Little Racer: 

*Blink* sure 

The Better Half: 

Max, I love you, but your apartment is terrible  We’ll talk more about it at dinner  See you then Y/n <;3 

Little Racer: 

Bye Kellyyyyy &lt;3 Bye Max

Big Racer: 

Why does SHE get a heart and not me :( See you soon kid 

You placed your phone down on your charger and got clothes for after your shower. You didn’t want to take long, as there were guests that you needed to entertain. You just stuck to the basics to get the stale airplane air off of your skin. You’d feel better once you smelled like yourself. You changed right after, not caring about your wet hair. 

You were pleased to see the two on your couch. You worried that they might have felt as though they needed to wait for your instruction. You grabbed your cross body bag and your sneakers. 

“Lily will you be ready to go in the next few? Also, Max and Kelly might come back while we’re gone, so Alex could you let them in?” Alex gave you a nod and Lily let you know that she was ready whenever you were. You slipped your shoes on and headed for the door, Lily was right behind you.

You had texted Richard beforehand that you were coming down soon. It was nice to see your car waiting for you. Richard held the keys on his finger that you took as you passed. You have him a quick thanks and tipped him well. He had told you time and time again that he was paid more than enough, but you never listened. You weren’t stingy with the people who were good to you. 

The trip to the store was uneventful. You were thankful that Lily was with you so that she could buy some adult drinks that your ID would not be enough for. The plan for the meal was simple enough. Something that could cater to your, Max’s, and Alex’s diets without any one of your trainers getting onto you. 

When you got back, you noticed an unfamiliar car in the front. You shrugged at the sight, knowing it was probably Max and Kelly’s rental for the first few days. As you opened the door, you could hear Alex and Max talking wildly. You rolled your eyes. 

“Wow, thanks guys for the offer to help with the groceries. Real nice.” The two immediately shot up and you laughed. Alex took Lily’s bags while Max took yours. Kelly stood up to give you a hug. 

“Hi Y/n,” she said, bringing you into her arms. You squeezed tight. It had been a while since you’ve seen her outside of “work.” 

After you let go, Kelly reached over to give Lily a hug as well. Seeing the two women in conversation, you made your way to the kitchen. 

“Kid, your lack of Red Bull in your fridge is disturbing,” Max said once he saw you. 

“Was that a Star Wars quote?” you asked, giving him a hug. 

“Possibly.” He shot you a sneaky smile. By your legs, Horsey had started to rub up against you. You leaned down to pet him. 

“I think he likes you,” Alex said in a sing-song voice. You just scoffed as you pet him.

“Everyone likes me.” Now that earned you a scoff from Max. You looked up at him and raised your eyebrow. “Name one person who doesn’t.” 

“Marko?” Max questioned with a wince.

“False. He texted me early and said that we need to get brunch this weekend. You’re losing your spot as Red Bull’s golden child.” Max only responded with an eye roll. 

Alex thought hard as well. “Uh, there’s that one journalist who seems to hate you. What’s his name again?” 

You rolled your eyes at the mention, “Louise Tynker. Mans has made it his mission to get me to say the wrong things. Like last week he asked if I thought Daniel should have taken Checo’s seat instead of me.” 

Max smirked, “And what did you tell him?” He took a sip from his drink. 

“I told him that Daniel is a great driver, but Christian made a decision to put me in the seat instead. Sorry that I didn’t know I was in the running for even being considered to take the seat.” 

“And what did you say after that?” Oh. 

You exhaled a laugh, “I told him that his microphone might get more juicy answers if he got it out of his ass.” 

“That’s my kid.” Max raised a hand and you hit it. Alex’s eyes were wide at the confession of the story before he started to laugh as well. You quickly got the dinner ready, and before you knew it everyone was enjoying themselves at your table. 

As you picked at your food, you decided to ask, “So do you two want to come with us to look at decorations or do you want to just stay here?” 

Lily groaned, “Alex has no design skills.” Alex gawked at her. 

Kelly spoke up too, “Same with Max. Y/n are you sure you wanted to invited them?” All eyes were on you and you shrank back into your chair. 

“Uh. He can’t be worse than Max?” 

Max squawked in his seat, trying to come up with an argument. 

Lily cut into her dish, “Trust me, he is. He put all of his trophies in the laundry room.” 

You looked over at him, “Alex, you know trophies are supposed to be displayed on mini fridges, not washers and dryers.” 

“Hey! Leave my championship trophy and mini fridge alone. You can’t talk cause you don’t have one.” 

You quickly pointed to your F2 championship trophy in the beautiful display case that was the centerpiece in your living room. You raised an eye brow. “Wanna try again?” 

“Trophies don’t belong on mini fridges.” 

You looked at Alex. 

“And not on washers and dryers.” 

You, Lily, and Kelly all hummed in agreement before getting back to the conversation. Tomorrow would be hectic, but you’d have fun. 

Hopefully.

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[from-a-reckless-writer]

part i 

She comes to with a pounding in her head and the feeling of something being lifted off her chest. 

Literally. 

In seconds, her whole body feels lighter. The next thing she registers is a hand in hers. When she stirs, the hand around her tightens and she hears Brainy’s voice, “Director—”

The moment she opens her eyes, she is met with Alex Danvers; a stethoscope slung around her neck and a small flashlight on hand. In her periphery she confirms that it was indeed Brainy, holding her hand. 

“Lena, Lena, look at me. You’re at the DEO, you’re safe, you-”

“Alex, I know the drill, this is—  what? My 91st time now?” She says dryly as her hand slowly slips out of Brainy’s and her fingers massage her temples; eyes clenched shut. Alex visibly relaxes in relief, “Good. Thank fuck your sarcasm’s still intact,” she says, “But I still have to check you, alright?”

Lena nods and she guesses Kara most likely had harassed her sister just to get her hooked in. If Alex mumbling “-so damn stubborn all the damn time…” under her breath was any indication. 

She’s well aware of the other person in the bed next to hers. The one, that is now also starting to stir into consciousness. Lena had just noticed that J’onn and Nia are in the room as well, near Kara’s bedside. 

She wants to ask how she got here, how Kara found her, how the fuck did a Black Mercy get her? But everything is spinning and her coherence is slowly devolving to exhaustion. Her brain was pushed to its limits with that illusion. 

Which makes panic flare in the back of her head thinking about how Kara had seen her ideal world. 

A world, that her mind had fucking decided should center around her ex. Her ex who just happens to be a superhero. A superhero that pulled her out of her own delusions. 

Oh God, Lena thinks she’s going to throw-up. Alex takes one look at her face and immediately shoves an empty sterile container to her. She dry-heaves unto the bucket as Brainy rubs her back and holds her hair. 

“Fuck,” she whispers as Alex hands her a tissue to wipe her face. “Your vitals are fine. Your brain activity spiked for a few seconds there. But you got out at just the last minute-”

“What the fuck happened, Alex?”

She asks as she tries to sort out all her feelings long enough for Alex to give her a full explanation. 

But it isn’t Alex who answers her. 

“I found you.”

The three words are bullets flying across the room directly shot at Lena.

“Unconscious. On the floor. Black Mercy attached to your chest. That’s what fucking happened.”

Kara sounds like shit.

Was her first thought when she heard Kara speak. She guesses she looks like shit as well, but Lena can’t be certain. Her back was to her as Nia removes the wiring still wrapped around her. Her voice was firm, but Lena knew better. She knows Kara; knows she never really swears; knows when and where Kara uses the Supergirl voice. When she’s scared and she doesn’t want anybody to know. 

“Your pulse was so weak. I- I could barely hear it.”

This second statement is in contrast to Supergirl’s venom. This time words catch in her throat and Lena is fucking thankful that Kara’s back was to her. Because she knows she can’t handle those eyes. But before she could answer, Alex starts to speak, eyes briefly darting to Kara.

Lena doesn’t know whether she should be thankful for the interruption or not. 

“Which is why,” Alex cuts in and making sure to stress her next words, checking that Lena is listening, “I need you to stay here till we find out who did this. And as your doctor I’m saying you need at least 12 hours of rest.”

“What? No, somebody give me my phone. I need to call Jess,” she protests and Alex looks like she’s about to give Lena a piece of her mi—

“Are you kidding me right now? I found you on the floor, thinking you were dead, pulled you out of a parasitic trap and you want to go back to L-Corp? To what? Get killed again?”

This time, Kara’s two steps away from her bed and fuming. It makes Lena...feel...things.

“I have to call Jess—”

“Do you not get it? I spend my days trying so hard not to listen,” She grits out, “ To not to check in on you every single second of every day and then the one time—” Kara’s conviction crumbles, voice breaking, eyes shining.

 “And then,” she falters, voice heavy with emotion and tries to control herself.

“The one time, the one fucking time I decide to break my own rule, what do I hear? I hear nothing, Lena.”

The last part is a whisper. She’s shaking and all eyes are on them now.

“Do you know why? Because your heart-rate was so slow that I couldn’t pick up on it.”

Kara looks like she’s two inches away from imploding. Lena’s heart is pounding and the room falls silent and it feels like it’s just the two of them in the room having a staredown. 

“I— I’m sorry. I—”

I didn’t know. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to care. I’m sorry. 

“Thank you for saving me,” she voices out instead in that calm methodical way she uses when talking in the lab. Amazed at how she sounded because she herself is also less than two inches away from a complete meltdown. 

Kara’s shoulders visibly sag as she holds back tears. Lena knows she should probably say more but... she doesn’t really know what to say. 

She was still processing everything. 

It was so vivid that Lena was half-expecting to see a ring on her finger once she looks down, a stubborn part of her brain insisting that there’s a matching one in a chain around Kara’s neck.

Before Kara can say another emotional heavy statement, Lena turns to Alex instead, “Fine,” she says, agreeing to Alex’s previous order. 

“But I can’t stay here for 12 hours. And also, I need my phone, my tablet and my assistant. I’m helping in the investigation,” she says leaving no room for argument.

Alex looks like she might agree but Kara speaks up again.

“No, no. No, you’re not going near that investigation and you’re staying the 12 hours here,” Kara grunts out, jaw-clenched as Lena looks at her with sharp eyes. 

“You have no right to decide that for me—”

“Not to mention we have to tal— “

They both spit at each other at the same time.

“We have nothing to talk about,” Lena objects and she knows how much of a lie that is, but Kara just won’t fucking back down. 

“Nothing?! You’re calling this nothing?! You’re calling the fact that your ideal world was us married, nothing? You’re telling me—” she trails off and scoffs, pinches the bridge of her nose in disbelief, “You’re unbelievable-”

That was what she meant when she said Kara was two inches away from imploding.

“Supergirl.”

J’onn’s voice seem to bring the both of them back to reality and Lena notices how heavy the air in the room has become, how Nia is standing stiffly at the side, how Alex’s eyes keep flicking between the both of them

“That’s quite enough from the both of you,” J’onn says and Kara whips around to face him, Lena was scared that she was going to deck J’onn for interrupting but Alex also intervenes. 

“J’onn’s right.” She puts a hand on her sister’s shoulder turning her away from J’onn. Looks like she had the same train of thought as Lena. 

“My patient needs her rest. So, all of you get out,” At which Nia nods at her with a sympathetic smile and then Brainy is hugging her whispering, “I’m glad you’re okay.” before leaving the room as well. 

“And that means you too,” Alex emphasizes at Kara, who looks like she’s going to shoot lasers out of her eyes at her sister for suggesting such an incredulous notion. 

But Kara takes a breath, gives Alex a hard look to which Alex merely raises a brow in challenge before taking a step back and speeding out of the room, not sparing Lena another glance. 

Once everyone is gone, Lena collapses back on the bed, letting out a heavy sigh. 

“She changed the timeline, you know. And reality too, I guess. Or at least she tried to.”

“What?”

“Before you two became a thing, before beating Leviathan,” Alex recounts,  “She tried to change the timeline to save your friendship.”

“I’m sorry- What?”

She’s sure she looks pretty absurd with the look on her face right now. Kara did what? Kara did that? How did she not know that? How did she not know Kara literally teared apart at space and time just for her? 

“She struck a bargain with a Fifth-Dimensional imp so she can fix everything. Said she’d rather change reality than face the possibility of having to fight you.”

For a moment she feels she’s going to throw-up again. But then again, after what the both of them just went through, Lena’s not surprised. God knows the lengths she would go through for Kara.  

It feels even more visceral now, not to mention it was Alex who told her. 

“I don’t know what the hell happened between the two of you, but God, Lena she hasn’t been the same since. And I don’t really want to know what kind of bullshit the Black Mercy put you through, but I think both of you could really use their best friend right now.”

Alex sits at the side of her bed, putting a hand atop hers for a moment.

“Just think about it, while you rest,” Alex tells her, squeezes her hand and gets up again. 

“You can’t just tell me those kinds of things and expect me to rest,” Lena retorts, making Alex turn her head back to her. 

She’s glad that Alex doesn’t seem to pick sides. When the break-up happened she was expecting the DEO Director to turn up at her front step with a taser and point canons for breaking her sister’s heart. But Lena was surprised when Kelly turned up instead, telling her that Alex is with Kara, so she’s getting Kelly for the night.

The couple didn’t get anything from Kara or Lena that night, despite their various attempts at coaxing the truth out. The night was sobbed away or in Lena’s case, drank the night away; chugged enough wine that Kelly had forcefully pried the bottle from her hands. 

“Look, Lena, The two of you are really overdue for a talk.”

Alex's words bring her back to reality. She pulls a tablet out and Lena’s work phone is retrieved from her pocket. 

“So, talk,” Alex enunciates as she hands over the devices. 

“Because I am locking you here. No going to L-Corp, no trying to escape with Jess and no overworking till midnight. You get to call your assistant, tell her what happened and then you rest. That’s an order, got it?”

“Got it,” Lena grits out rolling her eyes, hiding the fact that she’s beyond warmed by the gesture. Alex merely shakes her head at her before stepping out. The door slides close behind her and Lena is finally left alone with her thoughts.

Alex has a point. Alex has a great point, her mind screams.

But...not ready, is an understatement. She is not ready to talk to Kara about the break-up, much less about why her Black Mercy induced dream is an overtly domestic version of their love story. 

She decides to file it under ‘Things For Later’ which is probably a bad idea. Her therapist would most likely tell her that. Then again, she doesn’t really think she’d be seeing her therapist any time soon. 

How does one unpack a whole alien parasite attack on your psyche in one session, anyway?

***

Alex finds her stood before ruined slabs of concrete. 

“Any updates?”

“We’re skip-tracing all employees from L-Corp between the graveyard shift and the morning shift.”

“Good, I have a feeling it was an inside job.”

Alex lets out an audible sigh. 

“Something you wanna say?” She says as cement crumbles under her fists and dust particles rain over her red boots. 

“Talk to her. “

Kara snorts. 

“You say that as if I haven’t tried talking.”

Alex puts a hand on her shoulder stopping her from launching another punch. 

“Really talk to her this time,” her sister stresses the words in that classic Alex Danvers’ ‘I’m-serious-so-you-better-fucking-listen’ way. 

She lets the words sit in the forefront of her mind, shoulders dropping, fists and arms following suit. 

“We were married,” She whispers and it takes two seconds for it to register to Alex before she steps closer, an ‘Oh, Kara.’ slipping past her lips. 

“We were married and happy. So happy. It felt so real, Alex, it felt so re—” 

Sobs choke her and Alex closes the gap and she lets herself be tugged in a tight, tight hug. Alex rubs comforting circles on her back as Kara’s chest heaves and tears pour. 

The thing about it was, she didn’t even spend more than one minute in that fantasy world, yet her brain acts as if she’s lived that life. As if she didn’t drop smack right in the middle of a stranger’s bedroom and the first thing she saw was a doppelganger of herself and her ex. In bed. Together. 

It was as if everything came to her in one terrifying moment of clarity. Boots in the corner. Cape haphazardly slung. Lena’s work laptop. Chew toys for dogs. Scattered Science books, then— 

Golden rings, on a finger, in a chain.

Mating bands around wrists.

Wedding portrait. Weddin— 

It all hits her at once faster than a whiplash and harder than a superpowered punch; knocking the  wind out of her lungs, until she realizes she was gasping. 

“Lena, we have to go, please. Please believe me, this isnt-” 

“Real. I know-”

“What’s your surname?”

“Luthor.”

Just like you promised. Promised. Promised. 

Always. 

Alex squeezes tighter and Kara is pulled back from the depths. 

Her sister lets her go and steps back a bit to cup her face in her hands; snotty nose, sniffles and all. 

“Hey, look at me. That wasn’t real. And I know how bad you want it to be real. But Kara, nothing will happen if the both of you keep pulling away from each other. Someone needs to take the plunge.”

“She doesn’t want me, Alex. She ended things.”

Alex takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, shakes her head and then lets it all out in one go. 

“Kara. I don’t really wanna say this to your face while you’re sobbing over me. But,” Alex lets out an exasperated sigh with a shake of her head and then lets out,  “Good fuck, that is the most stupid thing to come out of your mouth. I don’t know how to stress this enough but...her IDEAL world is the two of you playing house. What more do you need? She wants you.”

“But she-” 

Alex holds a finger up to stop her from talking. 

“Nope. No. Listen to me, you are being an idiot. Well, Lena is too. But we’re talking about you right now, so… again, you are being an idiot. Just— Talk to her, Kara. How many times do I have to say that?”

Kara goes from sobbing to shocked to skeptical in the few seconds that Alex was speaking. 

“I- I don’t know, Alex.”

“Kara, she wants you. She’s just scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“You won’t find out if you don’t talk to her.”

Well, that was a great response. 

Alex is hoping that it’s great enough of a response to convince her sister.

***

There’s a blue lump on the side of her bed. 

A blue lump with blonde hair?

Lena rubs the sleepiness off and slowly sits.

Kara, it was Kara. 

Kara was asleep, back hunched, head pillowed on folded arms on the side of her bed.

Lena immediately realizes the uncomfortable position she is in, not to mention the cape that is now roughly bundled at the back of the plastic chair. 

She carefully lays a hand on Kara’s shoulder and shakes her softly. 

“Hey, Kara, wake up, hey,” Lena mutters quietly. 

“Wha- Lena?” Kara startles awake and shoots up from her position.

“I- you looked like you were gonna have a back ache so I-uh,” Lena was grasping for words in that usual way she does when Kara’s around. 

“Here.” She pats the space next to her, “Come on, sit here, climb in. We uh- you’re right, we should talk, might as well do it while we’re both comfy, right?”

She attempts at lighthearted conversation, she already knows the next few minutes are going to be the most emotionally draining moments of her— their life. 

Kara hesitates a bit, before nodding and wordlessly hoisting herself on the bed. 

“So, do uh- do you wanna start or should I?”

Again, she was grasping for words. 

“Go ahead,” Kara says barely above a whisper, Lena was kind of hoping Kara would go first but well, here goes nothing. 

“Thank you for coming to get me, I wasn’t expecting you to come,” Lena confesses, she really was surprised when Kara—the real Kara— showed up to rescue her. 

“I’ll always save you, you know that,” Kara butts in, as if what Lena had said was the most ridiculous thing ever. She guesses it is, to Kara’s ears. She did promise always after all. 

“Yeah, I know I just— for a moment there I just thought...well, never mind what I thought honestly-”

“You thought what? That I don’t care about you anymore? That I won’t fly off the moment I sensed you were in danger?”

Well, she’s on fire today. 

“It’s not like that, you know that,” Lena protests but Kara interrupts again.

“It is like that. You thought just because we’re over I don’t give a shit about you anymore. You of all people, know I can’t—” Kara cuts herself off as if in pain, “I’ll always save you, Lena. Together or not. I care about you,” Kara utters, turning her head to meet Lena’s eyes before facing in front again. 

Lena feels like care is a placeholder for something both of them aren’t capable of saying at present. 

She doesn’t dwell on it too much because Kara is saying something again. 

“I think…” She begins with a voice full of an emotion Lena can’t name [read: don’t want to name.]

“I care about you a little too much and that...”

Lena holds in a breath. 

“And that scares you doesn’t it?” Kara finishes and she looks at her again but this time  around Lena’s cheeks are wet. 

Kara puts a hand atop hers and squeezes and the gesture pulls words from Lena’s throat. 

“You wanted everything so fast, Kara,” she whispers, not really trusting to increase the volume of her voice lest it shakes. 

“You were telling me all these grand plans of settling down and staying together and I was still having a hard time telling you ‘I love you’ and-” her voice breaks, “And even though, you kept saying it was okay, that you were just thinking out loud, I saw how hurt you were whenever I hesitated.”

Lena’s mind briefly flashes to all those nights spent with Kara, beside her and just feeling this massive fucking pressure of living up to what Kara wants. Shy I love you’s and fear, just so much fucking fear...and insecurities screaming at her that she isn’t what’s good for Kara. 

“I- I couldn’t give you what you wanted and I just kept thinking was it me you really wanted? Or was it this domestic bliss that you’ve conjured in your head? Something you can have with somebody else. And it just kept spiraling from there. Thinking somebody better can give you what you want, somebody who’s not tainted, somebody who you can be proud of, somebody who won’t feel so fucking scared of saying ‘I love you’.”

She was aware she was one breath away from sobbing and when Kara moved closer and softly said, “Oh Lena,”

The dam burst. 

“Oh, baby, come here, I’m sorry. Rao, I’m so sorry, I- I didn’t know I made you feel that way, I’m sorry,” Kara murmurs to her as she cups Lena’s cheek and uses her thumb to wipe tears. 

Lena’s eyes were so green at the moment and Kara has to remind herself that they still have a long way to go for tonight. 

“Look at me, I’m sorry I didn’t know, I’m sorry you felt pressured but Lena, there is nobody else I want. You are the one I want, hell I’m pretty sure every me out there in the multiverse is looking for their own Lena right now. You are the best I could ever have.”

The words hit Lena and it just makes her sob harder. Kara fully turns her body to the side to gather Lena in her arms and lets her sob into her neck. 

“I- I left because I thought I couldn’t be enough, I didn’t want to. But everything was happening so fast and you wanted so many things and I couldn’t give it to you and I felt like such a fucking failure,” Lena sobs out, words slightly muffled with how hard Kara is pressing into her. 

“Lena you are not a failure oh, come here. Listen to me, you’re not a failure, you’re not supposed to build your world around me okay? You do it for yourself. You are brilliant. You are not a failure and I am so so sorry that I made you feel that way.”

Kara rubs circles on her back and squeezes around her every so often. It feels like forever that they stayed that way. Kara whispering, “Shh, breathe, breathe with me,” and Lena sniffling into Kara and Kara just wrapping all around her and calming her. When Lena’s sobs start to subside and she feels confident enough in her ability to speak she slowly breaks away from Kara. 

“I’ve been going to therapy,” she begins, “It helped...a lot. Helped clear out a lot of things f-for me. And I think,” She pauses, “Kara, I- I also think you need it more than I do.”

At that Kara’s face scrunches up in confusion. 

“How so?”

“Remember when I told you you wanted so much so fast?”

Kara gives her a nod. 

“I think you were trying to run, darling.”

She knew she should be focusing on what Lena was trying to tell her but she can’t help the little flutter of her heart at the pet name. 

“Run? Run from what?”

“Kara,” Lena starts, unsure about how she should really go about all this.

“You went through hell and back trying to fix the universe, you watched another home of yours get erased from existence. And not to mention that before and during all of that, the two of us were fighting. And then to make things worse at the end of it all, you get ejected into a universe you barely know with my brother as its savior.”

Lena lays out all the facts methodically, slowly, carefully but just blunt enough to make Kara realize that all that trauma should not just be brushed aside.

“You went through a lot.”

A lot, doesn’t even begin to describe the enormity of everything the both of them went through. But Lena supposes they can unpack that another time. There’s a pause and Lena watches Kara take a breath.

“Kara, I think you jumped into a relationship with me because it made you feel good. It made you forget about all the recent hardships you just went through. And I guess maybe I did too, you know? We both just wanted to feel some crumb of peace, but God, did we go about it the wrong way.”

Lena watches her words sink in, how Kara stops, blinks slowly only to take a sudden breath as tears slowly track down her face. 

“I- No. I didn’t. No, you’re wro- Lena, I-” Kara fails to tie together a sentence as tears start to fall down. It’s easy when everything else is in your head, when you can replay memories and cover them in filters made by your own brain, but when someone else puts it on the screen for you? That’s a different matter altogether. Nobody had shown Kara the severity of her trauma before and now it’s taking its toll.

“Oh, Kara. Come here, come here,” Lena coos, this time it was her pulling Kara in. Kara melts into her and Lena feels the telltale signs of heavy sobs come through. 

“I don’t know- I-”

“Shh, it’s okay, Kara, it’s okay.” 

She lets Kara fall apart in front of her. She knows those tears are oceans of their own, those drops carry the memory of a fallen planet, an entire culture, stories, people, loved ones. Every drop is a person Supergirl had failed to save, another universe, another home. Every drop is every lie she ever told Lena and all of the pain there was when she was gone. 

“I’m sorry, Lena, I’m sorry.”

She can’t beg forgiveness from an extinct race or a wiped out universe but Lena? She could still have Lena. 

***

Alex finds them curled tightly together in the Med Bay come morning. She kind of wants to cry in relief at the sight. 

Finally, fucking finally. 

She doesn’t have the heart to bother them so she grabs them an extra blanket and tucks both in, exiting with a small smile to her lips. 

***

They both wake up to the sound of laughter, the perpetrators— a couple of low-rank agents— stop in the tracks at the sight of a disheveled Supergirl, scowling madly at them with one Lena Luthor tucked in her arms. 

“Uh- sorry, we’ll just uh-” 

The agents bolt out of the room immediately, letting Kara slump back into the pillow. 

“Hi,” Lena croaks out with a rough voice, eyes puffy from last night. 

Snippets from last night immediately flashing in Kara’s brain. 

Kara holding Lena. 

Lena holding Kara

Teary apologies

Catching-up on each other.

Talking till yawns interrupted their words. 

Kissing. 

More kissing. 

More kiss-

You get the picture. 

“Good morning,” Kara replies with a shy smile. 

“Is scaring agents one of Supergirl’s many talents?” Lena teases, as Kara scoffs fully turning unto her side to face Lena, hand casually brushing a stray strand of her on Lena’s face

“Serves them right for just walking in-” Kara stops mid-sentence, fingers freezing and her eyes turn hesitant, “Sorry, is this okay?”

Because even though last night had happened even though they’ve talked until words could no longer name the depth of their feelings and they turned to silence instead, Kara is still unsure. Hesitant. Wary of giving too much too soon or asking for too much too soon.

But the most difficult part is over and they both realize this as the sun from outside filter through the many wide windows of the DEO, as Lena’s next words ring about in the warmth of the morning.

“Kara, it’s okay,” Lena answers her, catching Kara’s frozen hand and leaning into the touch, pressing closer to Kara’s face, noses touching, lips a breath apart. 

“In fact, it’s very much okay.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

The first tell was the lack of a body next to her. The second was the freezing cold. Her bed was almost never cold these days. She’s grown used to sharing her bed with a Kryptonian heater, and so, to wake up from a nightmare alone in bed was now an unusual occurrence. Unusual nough to make her panic. 

She sits up, disoriented from her nightmare. Lena groggily registers a low melodic humming crackling from the baby monitor on her nightstand. 

“Kara,” she whispers into the quiet of the room, “Please come back to me.” 

The humming from the monitor begins to sound distant as it gets louder to Lena’s ears; drifting nearer and nearer to the bedroom. 

The door opens and Kara strolls in, messy bun, sleepy voice and all. In her arms a squirming, kicking, sniffling, very much awake bundle fits.

“She doesn’t want to sleep, I tried everythi-” Kara whines and then stops as she takes in Lena’s racing heartbeat, shaking lips and shining eyes. 

“Oh no, did you have a nightmare? I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s okay, Kara. Just— Come here? Please?”

Kara shuffles quickly towards the bed; Lena lifts the comforter, making room, the bed dipping as her wife climbs in.

“You okay?” she asks, once she’s settled down next to Lena. She continues rocking her arms as an attempt to get their daughter to sleep for the nth time tonight. Her wife doesn’t still doesn’t answer her, although she doesn’t miss how Lena slightly calms at her presence.

“Lena, hey, you with me?”

“Kara?”

“I’m here, I’m here.”

“Thi- this is real, right?”

Because sometimes, there are nights where dreams feel all too real and pain comes rearing at you as if it all happened yesterday. Because after all these years, Lena still carries fear inside of her; fear that none of this is real, fhat Kara doesn’t really love her, that she’ll never be good enough, that she’ll be abandoned again. Fear that all of this is just a figment of her imagination. 

“Oh, Lena. Come here, I’m going to pass her unto you alright?” 

Lena’s eyes snap up to hers for a minute in hesitation but she finds herself slowly nodding. Kara wouldn’t give their daughter over if she isn’t sure Lena could handle it. She slowly transfers their child to Lena’s arms. 

“Do you feel her warmth?” 

“Mm-hmm.”

“Do you feel her weight?”

“She’s real, Lena. I’m real,” Kara says as she wraps her arms around them, cradling her wife and child close. 

“She’s getting heavy.”

“Yeah, yeah that she is. This is real, Lena.”

“Here,” she gently puts a pillow beneath Lena’s arms for support as she slowly grabs one hand and puts it right over her heart. 

“Feel this? Can you feel it?” 

Lena does, Lena can and she nods and it’s real and Kara’s heartbeats are steady under her palm; each beat an echo of Lena’s name. She’s certain of that, because she’s pretty sure her heartbeats are all echoes of Kara’s name again and again and again.

“This is real.”

“Promise?”

“Always.”

[pastelwitchling]

Based on Olivia Rodrigo’s song, “Traitor.”

***

Michael felt like he was treading the edge of a cliff leading off onto sharp spikes; with caution, no small amount of fear, and the realization that if he fell, the injuries would be detrimental.

Granted, he was just walking up to Alex’s booth at the Crashdown, the airman jotting something down in his journal. Alex and Forrest may have broken up weeks ago, but Forrest must have left some trace behind because Alex was a lot more confident about writing his music in public. It was the one good thing Michael would begrudgingly admit Forrest had done in dating Alex. Loving and caring for him like he deserved was also true, but not something Michael would admit to as easily.

And the thing was, Michael had thought Alex was fine with his relationship ending. He’d told Michael as much when they’d been working late one night at the bunker, and Michael had asked, unable to help the bitterness in his voice, if it was because Alex had been trying to avoid going back to an empty house.

Alex had merely smiled softly, like he could read Michael’s thoughts, and said, “I’m okay, Guerin. It’s just another crack. My heart’s not that easy to break.”

Michael hadn’t been able to resist asking if he had ever broken Alex’s heart, and Alex had pressed his lips together and returned his attention to his encrypted files, as if he hadn’t heard Michael’s question at all.

So Michael hadn’t pushed, and he’d let Alex take the lead on how often they were going to hang out, how long they were allowed to touch. He’d stayed close, eager for every opportunity that came, every brush of their fingers or smiles Alex gave only him. Then, this morning, he’d shown up at Alex’s place with breakfast, hoping to ask him out on a real date, and he’d heard music playing out the window.

That was when any happiness he’d acquired since Alex and Forrest broke up had ended. As he listened to the lyrics Alex sang, stabbing deeper into him with every word, the bagels had almost fallen from his hand and he’d all but slumped against a wall.

Alex said Michael had betrayed him, that he’d loved Michael at his worst but it had meant nothing in the end, that Michael had run off to Maria, eager to be with her. Alex had called Michael a traitor.

Michael hated that the words were now burned in his memory, that the cruelty of what he’d done had been confirmed by something as loving as Alex’s songs. The worst part – the absolute worst part – was that Alex was acting like nothing was wrong.

“Hey,” he smiled now as Michael slid into the seat opposite him. Michael noted that he closed the journal. “I missed you this morning. What happened?”

Michael had told Alex he might be coming over. Michael wondered if Alex had intended him to hear those cruel words, to know that he had hurt Alex in an irreparable way, and that he could never forgive Michael for what he’d done.

Michael plastered on a smirk. “Problem with the truck. Wouldn’t start.”

“Oh no,” Alex’s brows pinched and he looked out the window, presumably for Michael’s truck. “I hope nothing’s wrong with it.”

“Small engine problem,” he shrugged. “Fixed it.”

“Well, good job,” Alex huffed a chuckle. “I’m just sorry you had to spend your morning under a hood.”

No, Michael thought. I spent it pacing the junkyard, running over the million ways you would end this. The ways you would tell me that I disgust you, that you can’t stop being angry, that you were leaving forever this time. The ways you would break me for good.

“I’m here now,” Michael said instead. “With you.”

Alex scoffed, smiling. He looked away, his cheeks red, and it hurt Michael’s heart for a completely different reason this time. He wanted to climb over the table and kiss those cheeks, feel their warmth, take in Alex’s laughter. The bigger part of him, however, wouldn’t dare. The bigger part of him knew the truth, that Alex was still so angry with him. That he really may never want him again.

Be honest, he pleaded silently. Tell me what you’re really thinking so I don’t have to go through the worst-case scenarios in my head.

“What’re you writing?” he asked.

“Oh, just some thoughts,” Alex shrugged and looked away with a clear of his throat. “You hungry? I ordered their cheese burgers, I know you like those.”

Alex knew his order. Michael found himself deeper in the same position as earlier; not knowing whether he wanted to smother Alex in kisses or cry.

Alex seemed to notice his hesitation though because his smile faltered, his brows furrowing. “What’s wrong?”

Michael smiled, trying to shake his head, to lie and say that nothing was wrong at all. But his heart was hammering too painfully, the dread of what was sure to come climbing higher up his throat, threatening to leave. He sat still, tense, for a long time. Alex seemed to be patiently waiting for his answer.

He huffed. “Just get it over with, okay?”

Alex frowned. “Get what over with?” His voice was gentle, his hand inching towards Michael’s closed fist. Michael’s fingers stopped trembling when Alex covered his hand with his own.

“I know you’re pissed,” he said, unwilling to move his hand away from Alex’s, afraid that it would be the last time they would be allowed to touch. “I know you still hate me for – for DeLuca, but I swear, Alex, it didn’t mean anything, I just – I wanted something easier and, and I was really messed up after Max, and my mom, and – and –”

“Whoa, whoa,” Alex shook his head. “Guerin, slow down, what’re you talking about?”

Michael clenched his jaw. Was Alex really trying to torture him now? Prolong the suffering? He turned his hand over under Alex’s, grabbing his wrist tightly enough to bruise.

“Private, I heard your song this morning,” he said. “‘Loved you at your worst, but that didn’t matter, it took you two weeks to go off and date her, guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still –‘”

“‘A traitor,’” Alex finished, understanding dawning.

“I know it’s what you really think of me, otherwise you wouldn’t have written it,” Michael said, pained. “I know you – you can’t forgive me, but I’ll do anything, Alex, anything to get you to trust me again. I know it’s hard right now, but . . .”

Michael trailed off as Alex ducked his head, his shoulders shaking. Michael couldn’t believe it. Alex was laughing. His lower lip trembled. He never thought Alex would be this coldhearted, even if he was blunt.

“Alex –”

“I love you,” Alex laughed, his eyes and smile fonder than Michael had ever seen them as he looked back up at him. “God, I love you so much.”

Michael felt his heart stop beating, tentative. “W-What?”

“Baby,” Alex took hold of Michael’s fist, and held it up to his lips to kiss. Michael swallowed. Alex settled his chin on their held hands. “That song is called “Traitor.” And I didn’t write it. Olivia Rodrigo did.”

Michael tried to process that. Finally, he frowned, and said, “What?”

“Some pop song,” he shook his head, eyes twinkling, amused. “Isobel sends me whichever ones she thinks I’ll like, and this one, admittedly, stuck in my head for obvious reasons. I was just trying it out for fun on the piano this morning. That must’ve been what you heard.”

Michael blushed as the truth became clearer. “You – you didn’t write it?”

Alex shook his head, his smile warm and kind and, well, loving. So loving that Michael couldn’t help but leave his seat and slide in next to Alex, startling him.

“You really don’t hate me?”

“Guerin,” he scoffed, like it was obvious, “you’re always the first person I tell anything to. Whatever I’m feeling, not even music gets to know before you do.”

A relieved chuckle started to tug at Michael’s lips, and he gripped Alex’s hand tightly, even as he slumped back in his seat, his head rested back, staring at the ceiling. “Oh my god, I can breathe. I can actually breathe again.”

Alex sighed and surprised Michael by resting his head on his shoulder. Michael’s arm instinctively fell over his shoulders and gripped him tightly.

“Seriously, Guerin,” Alex breathed, content, and Michael pulled him in closer. “You could’ve just asked.”

***

I had to. You know I had to.

[ruzek-halstead]

there’s one thing on my mind (it’s all for you)

i didn’t have a wip for jatp fanworks appreciation week, so i made one?? but i got too into it and finished it in a few hours. thanks to @ourstarscollided for sending in the incredible prompt that led to this fic!! 

home didn't seem like home anymore for luke patterson, and so he was desperate to find a new place to write music. after an especially brutal fight with his mother, he finds himself in front of l.a. books. he isn't expecting to get much out of it, it was solely a last resort. but then he sees her, julie molina, and he ends up coming back every week just to keep seeing her.

bookstore au

masterlist

If three years ago, someone were to tell Luke, he would actively be spending his Friday night in a small, but cozy book store, he would have laughed in their face.

He was a rockstar. If he wasn't jamming it out at some club with his boys, he was doing something wrong.

But life didn't always work out in his favour, and it wasn't long before he decided he couldn't write out of his home anymore. Home. Sometimes the mere word made him laugh. Home was supposed to be warm, welcoming and loving, and he felt none of those things every time he walked through the front door. It was starting to take a toll on him. Not only on his mental health, but also in his creative abilities. The songs he was writing in his bedroom had taken a dark turn, so dark they felt more like a cry for help than anything else.

So, he decided it was time to find another place to write songs; somewhere that could get his creative juices flowing. When Reggie first suggested this bookstore on the corner of Madison, Luke pinched his brows, not understanding how that was a viable solution. Reggie defended his suggestion by saying bookstores were quiet and he would be surrounded by millions of words of inspiration.

Luke never took Reggie's suggestion until one brutal fight with his mom left him pulling at his hair, desperate to leave the house. He would go anywhere at this point, but his fingers were itching to grab his pencil and book; there was so much he just needed to get out onto paper. If he didn't, he would explode. So, he grabbed his song book, a few pencils and stuffed everything into his backpack before he hopped out his window. At first, he just started walking to nowhere in particular. In the back of his mind, he was intending to drop by Alex's, but instead he found himself standing in front of L.A. Books.

He walked in with the intention of taking one quick walk around and most likely walking right back out. He was pissed off at the world and he didn't think Shakespeare would solve his issue.

But then he saw her.

She was stocking a book shelf, putting up new books as far as he could tell. Her curls kept getting in way of her vision and she was continuously tucking them behind her ears. He could only see the side of her face at this point, but when she was approached by a younger girl to help locate a book, Luke quite literally forgot how to breathe. She was stunning in every which way; her soft smile to the young girl made an unconscious smile spread over his own lips. There was no specific thing about her that drew him to her, but for some reason, he was rooted to the floor. Even when she started moving in his direction, leading the girl to a new section, he couldn't even move just enough to grab a book and look like he wasn't creepily stalking her.

But she only sent him a warm smile as she walked by.

So, maybe Reggie wasn't so wrong about this place after all.

After that, Luke found himself stopping by at least once a week, maybe twice if things at home were really bad. It was a quiet establishment for the most part, and Luke found a corner table that was perfect for his writing. He knew his song writing was starting to take a hit; he knew that. But since he started writing in the bookstore, an obvious shift was clear in the words he scribbled down.

Even the boys noticed.

"What the hell is this?" Alex had demanded one late night after Luke handed him his songbook so he could filter through it. They'd mostly been playing their old originals while Luke worked on some new stuff, and he was finally starting to share.

Luke frowned, biting his lip nervously. "What? Is it that bad?"

"Reg, look at this," Alex ignored Luke, reaching over to show the other brunette. "When were you going to tell us?"

Luke merely blinked, gaze flickering between the two. Reggie, to his credit, looked just as confused, meanwhile Alex was fighting a smirk. "Dude, I'm so confused. What the hell are you talking about?"

Alex placed the book down in his lap, finally letting the smirk take over. "When were you going to tell us you were in love?"

Luke immediately started to sweat. "What?"

"If you're writing these love songs about me, I'm flattered," Alex teased, to which Luke could only roll his eyes and snatch the book back into his possession. "But you know I'm taken."

"I'm not in love," Luke muttered under his breath.

And he wasn't. He would stand by that.

But he'd be lying if he said he didn't stop by the bookstore solely to see his curly-haired goddess. Every time, he would look at her and a sudden burst of inspiration would blindside him and he would be writing into his book without even realizing. He wasn't going to tell the boys that, though.

After about a month of hidden glances and polite smiles, he figured it was about time to say something. He also figured it could only look a little strange, him being at a bookstore every week and never buying anything. To his credit, many others took advantage of their tables to work quietly; he wasn't the only one. But he was the only one who couldn't take his off the employee with kind eyes and a mega-watts smile. Sometimes she came over to organize the tables, or wipe them down, and so Luke decided it was now or never.

"Hi," he blurted one night when she came to grab a stray book someone had left on his table. Her gaze lifted to meet his. Her face broke out into a warm smile and he nearly broke his pencil from how hard he was holding it.

Luke's eyes dropped to her name tag. He'd never been close enough to read it (with the exception of the first time he saw her, but he was understandably starstruck and couldn't focus on anything).

Julie.

He debated saying something else, it almost looked like she was waiting for him too, but the words were caught in his throat. He merely sent her a pained grin as she retreated. God, that was awkward.

Over the next few months, his confidence grew some, but he was never able to hold a full conversation with her. He was working up to it, but in the meantime, he was content in his corner writing songs about the girl who had unknowingly captured his heart.

This week had been particularly gruelling. School had taken a lot out of him (every mark counted for college admissions) and his parents were on his ass about his grades. He knew he had to do well, even if he wanted to pursue music, he needed the grades to get into a good music program; he knew that. He didn't need his mom yelling at him about it every day. So, this Friday he'd spent the entire evening at L.A. Books, anything to just get away for a bit. He knew it was almost closing time; there weren't many customers left and he could see Julie cleaning up out of the corner of his eye.

He was trying not to spend all his time watching Julie, instead focused on his latest creation. So, he didn't see Julie apprehensively watching someone shove a few books into his backpack. He was young, but probably a bit older than Julie. Why he would want to steal some books, Julie had no idea, but it was the wrong day to mess with Julie Molina.

She hadn't had her best week either, and watching someone blatantly try to steal like he was, severely pissed her off. Protocol be damned, Julie stalked over to the individual and blocked his exit. Protocol insisted on not confronting the shop-lifter by any means, but Julie was too annoyed to care.

"Are you going to pay for those books you put in your backpack or can I have them back?"

Julie was impressed with how confident she sounded. Even when he met her glance head-on, she wasn't the least bit intimidated.

"What? Sorry, I think you're thinking of someone else," he replied, but after meeting her gaze the first time, he couldn't hold it as he spoke.

"Just give me the books and I won't call the police," Julie reasoned. She sounded exhausted, and that was because she was; this was honestly the last thing she needed this week, and yet, here she was.

But as soon as the man noticed her change of tone, his mouth twisted into a scowl. "I already told you, you have the wrong guy."

"I saw you put them in your backpack!" Julie argued, her anger crawling back up her throat.

"No, you didn't, because I didn't do anything!" He replied angrily. "Are you going to move, now?"

Julie stood her ground. It was probably quite comical, considering she was a full head shorter than him, but she wasn't moving. "No. Give me back the books."

The man let out a furious snarl. "Get out of my way, bitch."

His words didn't offend her in the slightest. Honestly, she felt sorry for him, that this was how he was raised to treat women, especially someone as young as her. But she was perceptive, and she could tell he was getting agitated and possibly aggressive. She didn't know this guy, she didn't know what he was capable of.

Luke had kept his eye on Julie the entire time, he always did. But as soon as he realized what she was doing, he swore under his breath. He tried to keep his distance, to let her do her thing, but the second the man called Julie a bitch, Luke was up and out of his chair, ready to throw hands.

There was a point in his life where he wouldn't even think about the consequences of his actions, but as he approached, he caught Julie's eyes and figured punching this random guy in the face probably wasn't the best course of action. So, he hung back, close enough to be noticed, but not enough to be considered a threat.

Or so he thought.

The man noticed Julie's eyes focused on something behind him, so he whirled around to see Luke. What with his height and obvious biceps (that were currently on display because what were sleeves anyway?), the man scoffed.

"Is he coming to your rescue or something? Need someone to fight your battles?"

Luke merely raised his eyebrows.

The fact that he was saying all this to a high school girl seriously baffled him.

When the man tried to step around Luke, he side-stepped to be in his way again. Luke didn't smirk, didn't show any facial emotion. It was enough to unnerve him.

With an angry huff, he reached into his backpack to pull out the two books in question. He slammed them into Luke's chest as he stormed past him, muttering, "I don't need this crap."

The moment they heard the door slam closed, Luke's eyes slid over to Julie. Her face was blank, but her eyes were stormy, angry even. He didn't blame her; that guy was a right dick. He hesitantly handed the books back to her. Her gaze flickered to the books and back to him. She probably had no idea how absolutely intimidating she looked.

But then she smiled. A proper, full smile that had Luke merely staring. "Thank you," she said, reaching forward to grab the books. He was hoping she'd say more, but instead she took the books and walked away to put them back in their place.

It was fine, because she had talked to him and he was so ridiculously happy about that. He had also helped her out in that less than stellar situation, but not overbearingly so that he treated her like a damsel in distress who couldn't handle herself. Julie definitely held her own, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her and he was right there sitting in his corner. Pleased with himself and how the situation played out, he skipped back to his seat in the corner, feeling more inspired than ever to finish the current song he was working on.

He glanced up one more time, surprised to catch Julie's sparkling brown eyes already looking at him. She immediately averted her gaze, mouth twitching as she held back a smile.

That was when he decided, no more pining around; it was time to officially ask her out.

What was the worst that could happen? She would say no. And he'd be okay with that, because it was 2021 and respecting women and their decisions shouldn't even be questioned. He'd be disappointed, sure, but for now, he was still holding out hope that maybe she would be into him too.

It was nearing eight, and Luke could tell when he saw the remainder of customers heading for the door. He spotted Julie making her way over too, getting ready to lock the door behind the last customer. He gathered up his things and shoved them into his backpack as slowly as possible. His heart was hammering in his chest and his palms were sweaty; he was actually nervous to ask Julie out.

How couldn't he be? She was absolutely gorgeous.

Luke made it to the door, taking a deep breath before he met her eyes.

Julie stepped in front of him, blocking his exit.

He stumbled in his step, grabbing onto the door frame to keep from toppling straight into her.

"Sorry," she mumbled, tucking a curl behind her ear. For the first time literally ever, Luke observed the tell-tale signs of her shy and apprehensive behaviour. She was always so confident, so in tune with what she seemed to want, this was unusual to him. Not only because of that, but he'd never been this close to her, and he was suddenly finding it extremely hot (and he was barely even wearing a shirt).

Luke tugged on his backpack strap, because he needed to do something. He needed to focus, or else he'd end up doing something stupid, like blurt out that he was in love with her. "No, it's okay. I actually wanted to ask you something anyway."

Her sparkling brown eyes widened for a split second. "Actually, I want to ask you something — are you free to grab a coffee?"

It was safe to say Luke's brain started to short-circuit.

"Uh, what?"

He was so intensely focused on gathering the courage to ask her out, he didn't even know how to reply when she suddenly flipped the plan on him.

He started to lose his mind even more when a soft blush spread over Julie's cheeks. "I'm just closing up, and I could really use a dose of caffeine. I'd really like if you came with me."

Luke can't do more than simply stare at her; his body was failing on him. Julie held his gaze, biting her lip apprehensively with a nervous smile because he wasn't saying anything, and she really hoped she didn't misinterpret his signals. But then he finally fights for control of his body again, and a soft grin spreads onto his lips. "Yeah. I'd really like that."

She matched his grin, closed and locked the door behind her. "I only have a few more things to do. Just a few more minutes."

"No worries," he replied, shoving his hands into his front pockets. "Oh! I'm Luke, by the way."

Julie mulled over the name for a moment. "Julie," she responded.

"I know," he mumbled, eyes solely focused on hers. Even when she looked to him in surprise, he couldn't focus on anything but her eyes. God, she was so gorgeous. "Your name tag," he added, just to ease her fears about him being a stalker (I mean, he was there almost every week...).

Luke leaned against one of the tables as he waited for Julie to finish closing up. He watched her silently, unable to remove the excited smile from his lips the entire time he waited. When she told him he was ready, he diligently held open the door for her and then waited, hands dug into his front pockets, as she locked up behind them.

There was a coffeeshop right around the corner, and as they both started walking in that direction, there was an unspoken agreement, that was where they wanted to go. Luke hated himself and his weirdly awkward nature on their walk over. He couldn't find any words to say to her, none. He chanced a few glances in her direction, but she seemed content with just walking in silence, so he went with the flow.

Once again, he held the door open for her and smiled when looked at him with amused eyes. Julie headed straight for a table near the window, removing her jacket and setting it on the back of her chair. Luke followed, lingering when she didn't sit back down.

"I can go order," he offered, "What would you like?"

Julie looked up at him with a smirk, and dear God, his knees nearly buckled. "I invited you. It's my treat."

"Oh, come on," he nearly whined. "Let's not do this, please."

Julie pursed her lips. She was a very determined person, and if he didn't know that yet, he'd be quick to learn. "I invited you. It's only fair."

He ran a hand through his hair, shooting her the most charming smile he could manage. "Julie, I've been waiting to take you out for months. Please let me buy you a coffee."

All her determination died there and then on the tip of her tongue.

"Okay," she replied with a cheeky smile. She diligently took a seat. "I'll take an iced coffee, please."

Luke nodded, once again, skipping away from her for the second time that night. He ordered Julie an iced coffee (and a cookie because who doesn't like cookies) and a regular coffee for himself. He was already jittery enough but he could never say no to coffee.

"Here you go." He said softly, placing her treats in front of her.

Julie took a quick sip of her coffee and narrowed her gaze on Luke. "I want to hear more. You said you've been waiting to take me out for months."

Luke had never felt him blush so quickly before in his life. He nearly choked on the coffee he was currently drinking. "It sounds really creepy when you say it like that."

"I know you've been coming to the shop for months," she continued, breaking apart her cookie. She wasn't looking at him, and it honestly made Luke all the more nervous. She made him nervous. "And you've never bought anything, but you're always writing in a book."

"I needed a quiet place to write music and I found your shop."

Julie nodded along, humming. "I catch you looking at me a lot."

Luke scratched the back of his head. "Well, honestly, that's not entirely my fault. I can't help but stare at beautiful things."

Julie looked up at him with a smirk. "That was smooth. I feel like it's only fair I be as honest." She leaned her elbows onto the table, leaning in close. Luke started sweating again. "I always look for you during my shifts."

It was as if the air was entirely knocked out of his lungs. It was the reassurance he was looking for, the acknowledgement that his feelings weren't one-sided, but it was a lot to take in at once.

"You're the reason I come back every week," he admitted, the words flowing freely out of him now that he knew with certainty she felt something for him too.

Julie leaned back in her chair. Her eyes tracked his movements, mostly because she didn't know what to say next. Where do they go from here?

Who makes the next move?

"I'll keep dropping by. But under one condition," Luke reasoned, hiding his smirk with his coffee mug.

Julie found herself leaning in again. There was something about him that was so alluring, always drawing her in for more. "What's that?" She didn't want to give her real answer: anything.

"I'll keep coming by if you give me your number," he told her, running his finger around the rim of his mug. "Maybe go on another date with me?"

Julie didn't reply at first; she kept him waiting until he looked at her with curious eyes. She kept him on the hook, just enough that for a moment, he wavered in his confidence. "I'd love to give you my number."

He let out an obvious sigh of relief. Julie was definitely going to wreck him in the most beautiful of ways.

"And that date?"

Julie clicked her tongue, monitoring the way his eyes absentmindedly dropped to her lips. "I'll decide that after you walk me home. But your chances are looking pretty good."

A delicious smirk crawled over Luke's mouth, and now it was all Julie could focus on.

"Then I guess I should up my game," he winked, shrugging as he added, "Just in case."

When Luke walked Julie home hours later, she confidently latched onto his hand, mostly just to give him an ego boost because he acted like the perfect gentleman all night. And when he lingered at the door, unsure whether it was too soon to kiss her or not, she leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss dangerously close to the corner of his lips.

"How's next Friday night?"

It took Luke a moment to form the words after that, but he was anxiously waiting for her response.

"I'm off at eight, you know where I'll be." Even with all the coy flirting, she couldn't help but shoot him an excited grin.

Luke stuffed his hands back into his front pockets and started retreating down her walkway. "I'll, uh — I'll text you."

Julie leaned against the front door. "I'll be waiting."

And somehow, after months of pining on both ends, all it took was one attempted theft to bring Luke and Julie together.

It would take a lot more than that to separate them now.

x

taglist: @grootsgillespie || @jayhalsteadcpd || @moreflowersthanweeds || @well-hes-just-too-cute || @echocharm17618 || @leopard-print-slippers || @jandthephantoms || @scribblingfangirl || @n0wornever || @simpformolina || @only-trust-fictional-characters || @snowmione18 || @tellurphantoms || @knitsessed || @elitharavenclaw || @wakeupfantoms || @uselessnerdnherblahg || @katie-navarro || @bookwormswillruletheworld || @lmaohuh || @thatsmyverb || @sophiphi || @kybee1497 || @lukewearingbeanies || @sapphireamethystvsco || @constantly-singing || @helloilovejatp || @your-typical-ingenue || @nonickslander || @s-h-a-d-o-w-s || @asdfghjkl-fanfics |

[frenchpuppycormier]

I'd Follow You Wherever

(ao3)

word count: 4k

rating: T

Once again a shoutout to @femmeluthor for being my number one fan and listening to me complain ;)

Lena stares unblinking at the object in her hands and thinks about where her actions have led her, and daydreaming about what her life has become. Never in a million years did she picture this is what she’d be doing in her thirties; preparing herself to travel across the galaxy to another dimension to rescue the woman she cares most about in the world. The universe.

“You sure this is going to work?”

“It has to,” Lena quivers. Alex nods in understanding. “I don’t know what else to do, Alex. Nothing feels right without her. I-I can’t sleep at all, I’m constantly thinking about her and how she is, I think my hair is falling out, I can’t walk by our favorite restaurant anymore without crying…I can barely eat, and when I do it just comes back up. All I feel is this constant, aching pain and it’s sucking me dry. I don’t know what to do,” she chokes out a sob and her hands start to tremble. “Alex, I have to do this!”

Sensing a panic attack of larger proportions on the horizon, Alex steps forward and pulls her into a gentle, yet firm hug. “Hey,” she squeezes her back with one hand while the other runs soothingly along Lena’s shoulder blade and arm. Resting her head against hers, Alex murmurs, “It’s okay. I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do. I just wish we had another way.”

Lena leans back and looks at her incredulously with pinched brows, “What, you don’t think I can do this?”

Alex huffs and lets out a soft chuckle. “Lena, no. That’s not what I’m saying.” Noticing Lena isn’t standing down from her natural defensiveness, she rolls her eyes. “You really don’t see it?”

“Please, enlighten me,” she gestures as if telling her to continue.

“Lena,” Alex shakes her head and rests her palms on Lena’s shoulders. “I already lost Kara; I can’t lose you too. I mean, I know you and I never really got a chance to make things right, but I’d like to think we’re friends, don’t you?”

A stray tear drops from Lena’s eye and she wipes it with her thumb before sniffling. She cracks a smile and deflects, “Since when did you become so sentimental?”

Alex releases her hold and laughs, “Well, having Kara as a sister does that to me. Lately it’s occurred to me that life’s too short to be a hard ass all the time, as cheesy as it sounds. And you know, Kelly is a therapist.” That gets a chuckle out of Lena. “I don’t know, I guess I just realized you’re the closest thing I have to Kara right now, and to be honest…I think you’re pretty special, Lena.”

The former CEO’s eyes widen with the admission. “Thank you,” her voice cracks. She clears her throat, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Alex jokingly salutes her but quickly grows serious again. She huffs loudly and her eyes dart around the room before settling on Lena’s face. The woman looks back with a worried gaze.

“What?” Lena asks. “Alex, what is it?”

“Nothing, I just,” she shakes her head and gathers her wits. She stands straighter and crosses her arms in front of her chest, and with her head held high she says, “I’m going with you.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Alex, no,” she states firmly. “We agreed—”

The auburn-haired woman shakes her head. “We,” Alex gestures her finger between the two of them, “Didn’t agree on anything. You strutted in here with your proclivities and decided what was happening without allowing the rest of the group any say in it.”

“Alex…”

“I’m going with. It’s final,” Alex states and saunters over to the control panel in the center of the tower.

Lena scoffs and follows her, yelling at her turned back, “The hell you are! The deal was I go and you stay here in case anything happens to me. That way, you still have a fighting chance to save Kara and I, I will have tried my best, but I did what I could and you’ll get to move on.” Lena pauses for a second and emphasizes, “With Kara.”

Alex whips her head around and shoots daggers at her, causing Lena to startle and shrink back. “That’s bullshit and you know it.” Lena’s nostrils flare in retaliation, but Alex keeps going. “I’m sick of you putting yourself on the line all the time. You’re just like Kara and it’s annoying as fuck!” She laughs tiredly as an epiphany enters through her brain. “You guys are perfect for each other.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, Lena. You can’t be that dense,” Alex says, with mild exasperation. “Kara loves you, she’s in love with you, but she’s been too afraid to tell you because of the whole secret identity mishap. She already made a huge mistake which pissed you off, she didn’t want to risk losing you again, or your friendship, by speaking it into existence…And you!” she points accusingly at Lena. “You are too stubborn to admit your feelings out loud, so you bury them deep down inside because you think Kara will deny you or laugh at you, but if you actually think that then you really don’t know my sister at all.”

Lena’s mouth is hanging open by the time she’s done. She quickly closes it and swallows thickly before replying. “She loves me?”

Alex deflates and smiles softly. “Honey, she almost risked the entire timeline to tell you her secret earlier than when she actually did. I’d say she loves you.”

“Wait, what—”

“We’ll get to that part later, but for right now we’re running out of time,” Alex grabs the device from Lena. “So, ready to go rescue my sister?”

Lena eyes her suspiciously, “We’re not done with this conversation.”

“Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a girl scout,” Lena snatches back the device. “I’ll take that. Took me all night to make this. I’m not risking it in your hands.”

Alex smirks, “’Kay, so remind me how this works again? Just so everything’s clear?”

“Well…basically we open up a portal to the Phantom Zone, then once we step through, this,” Lena holds up the device, “Will allow us to track Kara and her location. I took the nanobots to map the brains of the progeny we have in containment. Then, I used q-waves to replicate Malefic’s powers, and M’gann’s sensing abilities, and with the help of Kara’s DNA I was able to calibrate the device to the right frequency, which is how we’ll find her. All of this to make one simple tracking device. Again. Y’know, since you stole the first one I made.”

Alex winces under Lena’s intense glare. “I said I was sorry.”

“No worries, all is forgiven,” the former CEO smirks.

Alex releases a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Okay, so then how will we know exactly where Kara is?”

“The device will chirp when we’re in her radius.”

“Is there any way we can narrow it down? Like to her exact coordinates or something? The Phantom Zone is a large place.”

“I wish I could say there was another way, but I’m afraid this is all we have,” Lena deflates. “You’re not about to back out already, are you?”

Alex purses her lips. “No way, Luthor. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Lena lifts her arm and presses the button to the portal watch. She glances at Alex and smiles, “Let’s go get our girl.”

.

.

.

Lena doesn’t know how long it takes them. Her watch tells her it’s been a week, but time in the Phantom Zone is different, so for all she knows it’s been a month since they’ve been roaming around searching for Kara.

Her feet are dragging with every step and she can tell Alex is just as exhausted and sluggish as she is. She knows they need to take a break and rest. She knows this. But she also knows the longer they wait, the longer they are away from Kara. The longer Kara has been here suffering by herself, and Lena can’t have that. No, she needs to get to Kara as fast as possible. Before it’s too late.

They pass a large boulder and after a minute of no random ramblings from Alex’s mouth, or fun facts to distract them, Lena frowns and stops. She turns around and sees no sign of the other woman. She squints and just barely notices a figure toppled over on their side, not moving. “Alex!”

Lena runs as fast as her legs can move her. She stumbles next to Alex and lands on her knees, the pain excruciating. Her synapses are firing throughout her body, but that’s the least of her worries right now. She shakes the older woman’s shoulders and cries out her name once more.

No response.

“Goddammit, Alex. Don’t do this to me. We’re so close!” Lena whips her backpack off and fumbles around the contents for her water bottle. Leave it to Lena to come extra prepared. She twists the cap off and pours a conservative amount on Alex’s face. It does the trick.

“Jesus, Lena!” she sputters and breathes heavily, wiping the liquid from her eyes.

“You fucking scared me half to death! What was I supposed to do?” Lena shrieks. If only her brother could see her now. He’d get a kick out of the way she’s freakishly reminiscent to a final girl and their antics.

Alex sits up with help from Lena. She swipes the bottle from her and takes a long swig, water dribbling down her bottom lip. “Thanks.”

Lena nods. “No problem.” She glances around them and shivers. “Now, I don’t know about you, but this place is giving me major Alien the movie vibes and we’re out in the open. So, how’s about we get a move on, hmm?”

“You don’t need to say ‘the movie’. You can just say Alien.”

“Alex…”

“Alright, alright,” Alex teases.

Rolling her eyes, Lena helps Alex to her feet with ease, and they continue the trek. It lasts about ten miles, until Alex needs another break. This time a chosen break. They settle along a bank of tall, pointy rocks. Lena reaches into her bag and downs a healthy amount of water.

“Hey! You gonna leave any for me?” Alex complains.

“Well maybe you should’ve brought your own!” Lena argues, but hands over the bottle anyway.

Alex thanks her and lowers herself to the ground. She grabs her ankle and winces. “Did you happen to bring a first aid kit in that bag of yours?”

Lena raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and huffs, “It’s like you don’t know me at all.” She crouches next to Alex, takes off her bag, and rifles through it. While she’s distracted, she barely notices her surroundings and doesn’t have time to react to the feeling of a slight pinch on her arm.

She slowly turns her head and looks over to see Alex retract her hand, which holds a syringe. A wave of nausea hits Lena hard and her vision blurs. The last thing she sees is a snarling Alex before she succumbs to darkness.

When she wakes up it’s to pitch black surroundings, save for a small fire burning by her feet. Sosmall, in fact, it shouldn’t even be considered a fire. It’s merely smoldering embers, wisps of smoke on the verge of dying. Lena goes to move her arms but they’re being constrained be something. She mentally catalogues the environment around her, and realizes her wrists are tied together behind her back with rope, and her arms are wrapped around a tree. The only tree for miles.

Why would Alex do this? she thinks. I thought we were friends. Or was she just playing me the whole time to get close to me? And when she finally gained my trust, she twisted the proverbial knife into my gut. But for what? There’s nothing her for her to gain.

Lena groans and struggles against her confines.

“Ah, you’re awake,” a voice startles her from her reverie. “Good.”

“Alex,” Lena croaks, her throat parched. “Why are you doing this?”

Alex laughs like a hyena catching its prey. “Can’t you see? You’re just a dumb, pathetic weakling who never learns. You trust too easily, even though you know everyone will eventually betray you. You’re worthless,” Alex spits. “Twisted and evil; you’re a Luthor, just like your brother. Who would ever love you?”

Lena trembles, tears prickling her eyes. “No…”

“Everything you touch turns to ash. Kara’s probably dead because of you. The world hates aliens, because of you. You’re going to pay for what you’ve done,” Alex’s face slowly morphs into Lex’s sneering face, and suddenly everything feels wrong. “We could’ve had it all, Lena. We could’ve built something together, but you had to go and play hero, didn’t you?”

“No!” Lena chokes.

Lex steps closer so he’s towering of her, the light from the fire burning shadows across his sunken face. “You never learn, Lena. You don’t deserve the Luthor name. Supergirl is mine and you can’t stop me.” He puts his hands in his pant pockets like he just landed a deal, the confidence radiating off him as he walks away.

“W-Where are you going?” Lena yells. “What are you going to do?”

He turns around to look at her one last time and says, “To do what you couldn’t; I’m going to kill Supergirl.” He struts off into the distance with the only sound being Lena’s screams echoing throughout the wide berth of the canyon.

Lena screams until her throat grows hoarse and all that comes out is thick, dry sobs. She shakes and trembles and pulls at her wrists to break free, but it’s no use. Exhaustion settles in her bones and takes over until her eyelids grow heavy, and the darkness encompasses her once again.

The next time she wakes it’s to blinding light. She squints and tries to rub her face, but remembers they’re tied behind her back. Her heart starts thumping rapidly in her chest as the panic swallows her whole. She’s all alone. Left for dead. With no way to escape. She supposes she deserves this. Alex said so herself, who would ever love her?

As the day goes on her limbs grow heavy and her body gets weaker and weaker. She sighs and lets the elements do their work and take over. The last thought running through her mind before she goes is that she never got to tell Kara how she felt. Closing her eyes, Lena hears a voice in the back of her mind repeating her name. It’s getting louder and louder, but she doesn’t care. All she wants to do is sleep.

She hears the same voice yell her name again, sounding so close, yet far away. The voice is muffled as if she’s underwater.

“LENA!”

With no warning, she feels a jolt of pain in her ribs, and like her body is shocked with adrenaline, her eyes blast wide open and she wheezes. The first thing she notices is Alex hovering over her with worried eyes.

Alex sags in relief, “Oh, thank God.”

“Get away from me!” Lena shudders and backs away on her hands, palms scraping against the rough terrain.

“Woah! Hey, what’s going on?” Alex pleads holding her hands out in a placating gesture.

“You left me for dead,” Lena whimpers, tears threatening to fall. “You just left me there, all alone.”

Alex frowns, “What? No, Lena. Hey, look at me,” Alex tentatively reaches her hand toward the brunette like one would when dealing with a spooked animal. She grabs her chin as those glassy eyes morph into something akin to tentativeness. “You’re okay. None of that was real. It was all in your head.”

After quiet contemplation and realizing what she’s saying holds true, Lena sighs deeply and nods. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. We were just resting and I heard you whimpering in your sleep. I thought something was seriously wrong.”

Lena stares blankly at her. “But I don’t remember falling asleep….”

Alex’s eyebrows pinch together. “What do you—”

That’s when Lena notices the phantom looming in the dark. Its eyes are glowing red and its hands are buzzing with an energy as if taking control of someone’s mind.

“It’s him. He was playing tricks on us!” Lena whisper shouts and shuffles to her feet in one swift motion. She grabs Alex’s hand and pulls her away before the phantom wakes up. “We need to go. Right now!”

.

.

.

They make it to the edge of a ravine and Lena stops short, her mind spiraling with confusion. It must show on her face, because Alex notices something’s off almost immediately.

“What is it?” Alex asks.

“I’ve been here before,” Lena mutters, mostly to herself. If it weren’t for their close proximity, Alex probably wouldn’t have heard her.

“What? That’s impossible…”

Lena shakes her head. “No, not literally. I was here in my dream,” she rolls her eyes at herself. “Or rather, what the phantom put inside my head. This has to mean something!” At that exact moment, the tracking device in Lena’s hands lights up and shrills harshly. “She’s close! Kara’s close!” she grins widely, excitement swelling her cheeks.

As Lena walks away, the device growing louder with each step, Alex grabs her by the elbow and pulls her back effectively stopping her in her tracks. “What if it’s a trap?”

“We’ve come this far. We can’t stop now,” Lena rips her arm away and trudges on, leaving Alex in the dust. Alex quickly catches up with her and wordlessly makes it known that she’s got her back.

The duo makes it to a point where the device is droning out a constant beep. “She’s here!” Lena exclaims. Here is a maze of jagged rocks and what can only be described as molten lava.

“Fuck! How are we supposed to find her in here?!” Alex rubs her temples.

“Shh,” Lena grabs her wrist. “Do you hear that?” Alex lowers her hands and listens for any noise in the vicinity. A quiet whimper emerges from somewhere to their left. Lena blames it on the lack of sun in the decrepit place, blames the lack of light for why they were unable to see a small figure leaning on the rocky wall, hidden in the shadows.

“Kara?” Lena gasps. She creeps forward careful not to startle her. “Kara,” she says, louder this time.

“Who’s there?” Kara asks, trembling slightly and shuffling away so she’s pressed up against the wall. Her normal demeanor is completely forgotten and it’s morphed into rigidity and stiffness.

Alex’s body betrays her and she collapses to the ground in a heap, her hands covering her mouth in shock. Tears trickle down her cheeks. Lena glances back over her shoulder and softens in understanding.

Lena crouches down closer to Kara and as soon as her eyes adjust to the dark, she chokes on her own breath. Kara’s once bright, sapphire eyes are now pale and grey. They’re slowly losing the light inside of her, and becoming something dark and lost. “Kara,” she whispers.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?” Kara’s eyes dart around like she’s frantically searching for something.

“Hey, it’s me,” she sits on her knees facing her, itching to reach out and touch her. “It’s Lena. Listen to my voice.”

Kara shakes her head furiously, tendrils of hair bouncing off her shoulder. “No. No, Lena can’t be here. It’s not safe.”

“Darling, it’s me. Okay?”

“No. No, no, no, no,” Kara cries, her body shaking with every utterance.

Lena doesn’t fight it anymore and she clasps onto Kara’s flailing hands. “It’s me, Kara. I’m here. Your Lena,” she lifts Kara’s hands and places them on her own face. “I had to find you myself, I couldn’t trust anyone else to do it without fail. I supposed that’s selfish of me, but when it comes to you I’d do anything.”

Kara begins tracing over Lena’s features with deft fingers, every worry line and wrinkle. She starts with the eyebrows she’s become quite accustomed to, then continues with the swell of her cheekbones and sharp jawline, moving over to the slope of her nose, and finally settling her thumbs on plump, parted lips. Her favorite pair of lips. Lena’s breath hitches from Kara’s tender searching.

Once she’s done, Kara rests her forehead on Lena’s and faintly sobs, hands gripping underneath her jaw and along her neck. “It really is you,” Kara closes the distance and slowly, but with steady determination, kisses her. Lena’s lips are soft and warm compared to the acrid burning that’s constantly surrounded her since she’s been in this place. She sighs, causing a breathy moan to emerge from Lena, and she pulls back to breathe in the woman before her. “I never thought I’d get the chance to do that.”

Lena laughs and Kara melts at the sound, forgetting such a simple thing could cause her so much joy. Kara opens her eyes and she almost chokes on her breath from the shiny, emerald eyes gazing back at her with nothing but love. “Lena,” she breathes.

“Kara?”

“I see you. Rao, you’re so beautiful,” she gushes.

Lena’s cheeks become a light dusting of pink with that admission, and she dips her head bashfully. “You’re not so bad yourself, Supergirl.”

Kara grins and gently tilts Lena’s head up. She leans her forehead on Lena’s again, playfully bumping their noses against each other, while softly rubbing her thumbs over Lena’s cheeks, just below her eyes. “I really want to kiss you again,” she whispers.

“I look forward to doing a whole lot more of that, but let’s get you home first, yeah? I’m still concerned about getting you somewhere safe.” Kara nods mutely and smiles morosely. “Can you stand?”

“I think so.”

Lena stands and reaches for her hands. She’s not expecting Kara to be that light, so when she pulls her up Kara stumbles forward and nearly topples over her. Lena catches her fall and before she can say anything, the Kryptonian is encircling her arms around Lena and murmuring into her neck, “I missed you so much.” Lena tightens her hold and squeezes her back. “Me too.”

Kara pulls back and tilts her head to the side. “Are you here alone?”

Lena shakes her head, “No, Alex is here too. She’s right there,” she nods to her right and frowns at Kara. “Could you not hear her?”

“I was a little distracted…” she shrugs smugly.

Lena responds by unconsciously licking her lips. She catches herself and pushes the thoughts of strong arms and legs out of her head, and rolls her eyes. The raven-haired woman pulls Kara over to Alex and whispers, “Alex?”

The older woman wipes her eyes and stands up. When she takes in the sight of her sister, she completely breaks. “Kara!” Alex engulfs her in a hug, causing an oof to emerge from the hero. Kara responds by wrapping an arm around her sister’s neck, with one of Lena’s hands still connected with her free hand.

“Alex,” Kara weeps. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Are you kidding me?” Alex pulls back. “I couldn’t let this one over here take the reins,” she jabs a thumb toward Lena, who scoffs.

“Who was it that saved your ass? And got us here in the first place?” Lena claps back.

“Semantics,” Alex waves a hand nonchalantly.

Kara grins at the interaction between her sister and her best friend. She sure missed a lot while she was incapacitated in the Phantom Zone, but if this is one of the outcomes, she thinks maybe it was worth it. She’s only ever wanted for Lena to become a part of her family, and she’s giddy at the sight of seeing her get along so well with Alex. Even if things are bound to change, at least she has her two favorite women with her. It doesn’t matter what happens next if it means they’re by her side.

“Ready to go home, goofball?” the girl of steel questions.

Alex sticks out her tongue but smiles anyway. “Yes, please.”

Kara grabs a hold of Alex’s hand while her other wrapped around Lena’s waist. She squeezes her hip and kisses her temple. “Ready when you are.” Lena leans into her touch and lifts her wrist one last time. As she glances at the two sisters beside her, she smiles and thinks about how lucky she is. She presses the button and together they walk through the portal.

Back to National City.

Back to their family.

Back home.

[litwitlady]

to make the desert bloom

The first time Michael pawns off a few feet of stolen copper wire he makes $68. He’s been totally swindled - the wire easily worth more than double that. But it’s enough to pay the remainder on his cell phone bill so he’s thrilled with the transaction.

A few months later Michael risks stealing a small spool of wire. He’s wised up about the wire’s worth, but still accepts a criminally low cash offer. But alongside the cash, he’s also negotiated a broken power drill. He has it fixed within the hour and that’s how his tool collection starts. 

Word gets around about the kid who practically gives away copper for nothing more than a few crumpled bills and some rusty old tools. Michael happily accepts broken wrenches, bent screwdrivers, and even a table saw with the cord cut off. He makes enough money to put gas in his truck and keep food on his table. And collects enough tools to supplement his income with various side-gigs.

By his twenty-first birthday, he’s even got $400 saved in his new bank account. His crime completely victimless, as far as he’s concerned. Old Man Sanders never once showing any interest in the piles of copper in the makeshift garage shed. What Sanders doesn’t miss can’t hurt him. And what Sanders doesn’t miss has saved Michael’s life on more than one occasion.

No one but his customers are aware of his scheme. A conman playing easily into the hands of lesser grifters. Until the day he overspends on one of Isobel’s birthday gifts.

She opens the newspaper wrapped box and immediately shoves the gift back into Michael’s chest. ‘You’re stealing now?’

He frowns down at the handwoven scarf. Realizes his mistake. And sighs. Because yes, he’s stealing now.

‘It’s not a big deal, Iz. Just some copper wire no one’s going to miss.’ He tries to give the scarf back to her, but she folds her arms across her chest and levels him with her deadliest glare.

‘Return the scarf, Michael. Give the money back to whoever you stole the wire from.’ Her face softens and she reaches out for his knee. ‘If you need money, I have more than I know what to do with. And we’re family.’

He kisses her cheek, shrugging off her offer. ‘I’ll be okay.’ 

She settles against him, interlocking their elbows and leaning her head on his shoulder. ‘You know I love you, right?’

‘I know. Me too.’ And it’s the truth. But he’ll never take her money.

That’s the last time he steals anything from Sanders for a long time. Until Alex Manes comes barrelling back into his life after his longest absence yet. 

They crash back together like always. Shacking up in his trailer for hours at a time, rediscovering each other’s bodies. And Michael allows himself to believe that they will finally make it happen this time. But then Isobel arrives with a bag of bagels and wakes him from his dream.

Once he’s able to shoo her away, he watches Alex practically fall out of the airstream in his haste to get away. Michael holds up the bag of bagels, but Alex shrugs him off and climbs into his Explorer. The engine whines - needing a new timing belt - as he flees from the junkyard.

Michael eats all six bagels and then steals the largest spool of copper he can find. It’s almost like he wants Alex to catch him. You’re wasting your life, Guerin on a constant loop inside his head.

And maybe he is. Wasting his life. On a boy he’ll never be good enough for.

That night at the drive-in he plays out the final act of their charade. Stupid alien movie and grease-soaked food, hands brushing accidentally as they both grab for a new beer with the anticipation of sex heavy between them.

A dance with Jesse Manes. 

A trade with Renly Thomas.

He makes the most he’s ever made that night. Almost twice what the copper is worth. But he ends the evening in red regardless.

Eventually, he confesses the whole scheme to Sanders. Promising to pay him back. Sanders turns down the offer, but Michael starts saving the money anyway. It’s what he imagines his mother would expect of him. 

He starts taking classes at Roswell Tech. He stops drinking. 

One night, a recently single Alex sits on the stool next to him at the Pony. Leans his elbow on the bartop and turns to Michael. ‘I need a favor.’

Michael drops his hat onto the bartop and snorts. Raises his glass of water to his lips but doesn’t drink. ‘A favor?’

Alex scratches at a divot in the chipped wood bar. Avoiding Michael’s gaze. ‘I need a few feet of copper wire.’

He’s convinced he’s heard him wrong. ‘What?’

‘Three feet. Three feet of copper wire. Heard you were the guy to talk to.’ His lips quirk up at the corner. And Michael suspects he’s being played.

‘Fuck off, Alex.’ There’s no bite in his words, just a sad sort of ruefulness. He slides off his seat and drops his hat back on his head. ‘You can afford to buy your own copper.’

He stalks out of the bar, too sober to stay and argue with an ex who will always be more than an ex. 

The sky is dark and near moonless. Broken glass splinters beneath his boots. A couple arguing loudly distracts him as he walks out to his truck parked near the highway. Unaware that he’s being followed.

When he finally looks up, he stops dead in his tracks. A large dark object sits in the bed of his truck. And it definitely wasn’t there when he’d last climbed out of the Chevy. 

He squints, trying to make out what the object could be without getting any closer. But it’s no use. A voice from behind startles him.

‘Won’t work without the wire.’ 

Alex.

Michael sighs and turns to him. ‘What won’t work?’

‘The sign I made.’ He motions to the back of Michael’s truck. ‘Electrical connections aren’t complete yet. Guess you’ll have to take it home and fix that.’ He hands Michael a brand new reel of copper wire. ‘Let me know how it goes.’

Michael gives him the dirtiest side-eye. But Alex only laughs and turns away. Michael ignores whatever the sign is and slides behind the steering wheel. Riding back to the junkyard in silence.

He sits inside his trailer for a long time. Doing his best to ignore what’s still in his truck. It only works for an hour before he’s back outside and threading the wire through the back of the oak sign. Completing all the electrical connections and yawning through several dramatic sighs.

Once the wiring is finished, he plugs the cord into his power pack and watches as a soft neon glow lights up the night. He stays behind the sign. Protecting himself from whatever it says.

At some point, Isobel arrives. Walks slowly towards him, purples and blues lighting up her face - brow deeply furrowed. ‘Um, Michael? Is there something you want to tell me?’ She motions to the sign and his fear increases tenfold.

He shakes his head, hops up onto the worktable behind him, and carelessly swings his legs back and forth. Trying for nonchalance. ‘Nope. Just fixing Alex’s sign.’

Her mouth falls agape and her eyes go wide. ‘Alex made this?’

Michael nods. 

‘How the fuck are you this calm?’ She’s frantically waving her arms in a decidedly un-Isobel like fashion.

‘Don’t care what it says.’ He’s nervous though. Slips off the table and grabs the leftover copper. It’s probably more than what he stole in the first place. Tosses it onto Sanders’ stack. Suddenly very suspicious about Alex’s intentions.

‘Michael. Come here, right now.’ Her arms are crossed. Death glare back in place. But then she dissolves into high-pitched giggles and he’s never felt a fear so great in all his life.

He bites the bullet and goes to stand beside her. The first thing he notices is how pretty the lights are - pastel neons with a haunting glow. Very reminiscent of the alien tech on his console. 

The words take a minute to form in his mind. He struggles with them. Blinks rapidly several times. Shakes his head and tries again. But each time he lands on the same phrase.

MARRY ME.

‘It’s a joke right? Gotta be.’ Michael swallows hard and stares at the words until they grow fuzzy, losing all meaning. ‘We’re not even dating, Iz.’

Isobel wraps her arm around him and hugs him close. ‘I think you’ve been dating since you were seventeen. Maybe not in the conventional sense - but dating all the same.’ She sighs at the romance of it all. ‘And now he wants more than that.’ She pinches his ribs. 

‘Ow! What was that for?’

‘I can already hear you trying to find some reason to reject him. I will not let you ruin this for me, Michael. Do you understand me? I have a wedding to plan.’ She pulls out her phone and starts flipping through her calendar. ‘Spring or fall?’

Michael rolls his eyes and turns at the sound of tires on gravel. Isobel squeals when she recognizes Alex’s Explorer. Michael’s heart starts to race.

Alex climbs out slowly. Eyeing the sign over Michael’s shoulder. ‘I couldn’t sleep.’ As if that’s all the explanation required. ‘Phone was too quiet.’

Isobel flies into Alex’s arms, nearly knocking him over. But his eyes never leave Michael’s.

‘Give him some space, Isobel.’ She pulls away and looks back and forth between the two of them. Smiling so wide it’s contagious. ‘I’ll call you in the morning.’ She kisses both of them on the cheek and leaves them to their fate.

She stays up all night preparing mood boards.

Back at the junkyard, Alex shoves his hands into his pockets. Feeling naked under Michael’s intense gaze. He waits anxiously for Michael to say something - to say anything.

‘I guess I just don’t understand. Where did this suddenly come from?’ Michael leans against an old junker, watching Alex fidget.

‘Honestly?’ He looks up at the stars and then back down to Michael. ‘I’ve been sort of miserable lately. And one day I looked at my reflection in the mirror and asked myself why.’ He shrugs his shoulders and laughs softly. ‘Got dressed and went to the hardware store.’ 

Michael studies the perfectly formed tube lights. ‘Quite the talent you got there. And completely new to me.’

Alex grins, his anxiety easing a bit. ‘I had help.’

‘And this isn’t a joke?’ 

‘Not a joke. Not remotely a joke.’ He takes several steps towards Michael. Stopping an arm’s length away. ‘I don’t mean tomorrow. Or next month. Hell, maybe not even next year. But one day. When we’re both ready. That’s what I want.’

Michael nods and pushes off the junker. Now only half an arm’s length away. He looks back at the sign. ‘I’m ready whenever you are.’ Drags his eyes slowly back to Alex.

They smile at each other, still able to blush after all these years. And regardless of who moves first, they both land in one another’s arms. Haloed by the sign’s luminescent proposal.

[siren1song]

Love the View

Summary:  Patton is hiding something and Janus really wants to be in on the secret. Not for any malicious reasons, of course, he just wants Patton to trust him.

Warnings: Putting Others First spoilers, mentions of frogs

Pairing: Moceit

Taglist: @acanvasofabillionsuns, @emo-disaster, @greenninjagal-blog, @jungle321jungle, @sleepy-sides, @gattonero17, @izzynuggets, @another-sandersidesblog, @strawberryjellystuff, @remusownsmyuwus, @logic-with-a-pinch-of-deceit, @demidork84, @gr3ml1n-loser, @main-chive, @kiribakuandcats, @firey-alex, @nonbinary-royaltea

Commissions!! | Buy Me a Kofi!! | Join Casper’s Crew!! | Ao3 Link!!

Notes: Another motivator fic for @max-is-tired​ , but this time Moceit!!! And it's using a concept I wanted to do since I saw a post about some frogs having heart shaped pupils! Here's the example I used while writing this!

Patton had started wearing sunglasses. Janus wasn’t entirely sure why that was the case, but he had and he wanted to find out.

The only issue was, lately it was practically impossible to get Patton alone long enough to actually ask, and it was driving Janus up a wall not knowing the secret. He was deceit for fucks sake, he was the best secret keeper in the mind-scape and he’d be damned if he was left out.

This definitely wasn’t because he was crushing on Patton ever since he’d paid him one kind smile, absolutely not.

It was because Patton continued to pay him kind smiles and pleasant conversations and soft touches he doubted the others noticed because they were so used to them. Janus wanted Patton to know he could actually trust him now, wanted morality to understand deceit didn’t just mean lying to save face for selfish reasons.

Deceit could also be hiding secrets shared with someone trusted, could mean thrills and excitement up until a reveal, could mean so many things that weren’t typically seen as awful when it came to black and white thinking.

Not that Janus wanted Patton to subscribe to black and white morality. The world and morality were so much grayer than Thomas had learned growing up, and Janus could honestly see Patton making a valiant effort to recognize that.

It… kind of made the crush he was trying desperately to deny that much worse.

“Patton!” he called, noticing movement in the hallway he’d been hovering in and realizing that the moral side had been hoping to slip passed him.

He’d been so much worse about getting lost in his thoughts lately, going to see Remus again would be… an interesting adventure with how little Janus had been practicing his reflexes.

Janus caught up to Patton quickly, though not because Patton had actually waited for him, and he grabbed his elbow to slow him to a stop.

“Ah! Hi Janus! Did you enjoy dinner? I know Logan’s not the most imaginative when it comes to what to eat, but I’ve lost my glasses and It’s really not the best idea to cook when I can barely see, ya know?”

Listening to Patton ramble, Janus felt his brow furrow in confusion.

“Don’t you and Logan have the same prescriptions?” he asked, tugging on Patton’s arm a little to try and get him to face him.

Patton resisted, and Janus tried his best not to feel hurt.

“Ah… Yes, we do. But Logan likes to read when he’s waiting for dinner, I didn’t wanna take that from him.”

“You also don’t want me to see your eyes for some reason, right?” Janus asked, humming when Patton tensed.

“Well… You’re not the only one I don’t want to see ‘em, Jay-Jay,” Patton said, and Janus had to force back the pleased grin at the nickname.

He was able to be given nicknames now, how absolutely wonderful.

“Right,” he started, loosening his grip on Patton’s arm, “would you like to explain why that is?”

Patton seemed to sigh, though it wasn’t a heavy sigh of agitation, or even one of impatience. Just seemed to be… building himself up to something.

“Well… It’s a different reason for you, than it is for everyone else. And that’s not because of you being deceit! I promise that, it’s… more because of your scales, I guess?”

Janus frowned, his confusion growing and his grip growing so lax his hand slipped from Patton’s arm.

“What do my scales have anything to do with the way your eyes look?” he asked, and then realization dawned.

“I can feel you understanding from here, Jay-Jay,” Patton teased, and Janus just rolled his eyes in response, even if he wasn’t facing him to see.

“Okay, so your eyes have changed and you don’t want me to see them because… you believe I’ll think you’re appropriating a non-human look?” he clarified, humming when Patton nodded.

“Yeah, that’s basically it. Though… I guess you know now anyway, huh?”

“I do, and really I don’t care, since that’s what you’re so worried about. Would you… mind showing me?” he asked, trying not to let his hope of finally, finally getting to know the secret Patton had been keeping.

Patton let out a weak giggle, then finished turning to look down at Janus with a cautious smile.

Janus, meanwhile, was a little breath taken because Patton’s pupils were in the shape of hearts, his irises taking over the sclera and making them resemble a frogs. He supposed the frog-shifting had left something behind after all.

“Have they been like this the whole time?” he asked, taking a step closer, pausing only long enough to turn on a light with the wave of his hand so he could see Patton’s eyes better.

Patton shrugged, glancing away for a moment only to look right back at Janus when he made a noise of protest.

“Not exactly? I mean, they weren’t like this when I told you that you weren’t wrong about everything, remember? But I woke up the next day and when I looked in the mirror they were just… like this. Been stealing Sleep’s sunglasses since then, since I’m not the greatest at conjuring things and Roman is ah… out of commission right now.”

Janus nodded, pulling his cane (conjured really, but he had to keep up the dramatic aesthetic) from his caplet, hooking it around Patton’s neck and pulling him lower. Patton yelped a little in surprise, and Janus vaguely registered the blush on his face, but he was a little more focused on picking out the way Patton’s eyes had changed.

“Cute,” he commented, a teasing smile taking over his face when he focused on Patton’s entire face when he squeaked and noticed his blush had grown deeper in response to the compliment.

“I, um, well goodness, Jay-Jay, thank you! But can you let me go? Hunching over like this isn’t the greatest for my back,” he said, returning Janus’ smile.

Nodding, Janus started to raise his cane to let Patton unbend his back. And then an idea occurred to him, and he stopped before Patton could get too far.

He probably shouldn’t… but Patton’s current frog eyes were cute, and Janus still very much had a crush on him… Maybe just one?

Mind made up, Janus quickly, and carefully, pulled Patton back down into range so could place a quick kiss on his cheek before finally letting him go.

“Thank you for showing me, Patton, I’ll let you go look for those sunglasses Remy probably stole back,” he said, ignoring his own blush as he grinned at Patton’s starstruck look.

“Remy?” he asked, though his tone was a little absentminded.

Janus just winked and turned on his heel, walking back to his room where he’d been originally heading and ignoring his increasing heart rate.

“Oh! Like REM sleep!” Patton called, just as Janus closed his bedroom door behind him.

Gods above and below, Janus might have more than a crush on Morality “Patton” Sanders.

[calumance]

omg aiden and or logan getting haircuts with dad 😭 and maybe cal never tells the reader when he’s getting a haircut but this time he plans it with the boys and the reader gets sad cuz she loves his curls 😭🥵😌

Cutting both Aiden’s and Calum’s curls off in one day? Lord help all of us. 😭😭

        “Are you going to come back looking completely different?” Calum asked as he attempted to fold a shirt, but was having trouble almost immediately. He furrowed his brows and tried again, huffing when it didn’t work the second time. “These little shirts always are the hardest to fold, how the heck do you do it?” He looked up at you and handed you Logan’s tiny t-shirt.

        You chuckled and snatched the t-shirt out of his hand, folding it with one try. As you set it on the pile of folded clothes, you put your hands on your hips and smiled at Calum. “I probably will come home looking completely different since I haven’t gotten my hair ‘done’ since before Aiden was born. I mean, I’ve gotten it cut, but it’s time to make it a fun color.”

        It was true, when you found out you were pregnant with Aiden, you were no longer able to get your hair dyed. You would continue to get it cut every once in a while but wanting to dye it again went to the back of your mind. Once you were pregnant with Logan, your hair was back to its natural color and with how proud of it you were, you kept the dying it part in the back of your mind. When Alex had suggested a ‘girls day’ you jumped at it. Alex had planned massages, pedicures, manicures, and hair appointments. The excitement in the pit of your stomach that came with getting pampered was slowly eating away at you.

        Calum smirked and reached for your hips, pulling you closer to him. He wrapped his arms around your legs and put his chin on your stomach. You looked down at him and ran your fingers through his thick curls. “I’m kind of excited to see how different you’re going to look.” You smiled, but pulled your eyebrows together in confusion. You tilted your head, silently asking him to elaborate. “Because it’ll be like falling in love with you all over again. It’ll be like ‘oh damn, who’s that? Oh right, my wife.’” You chuckled at him and bent at the waist to press a loving kiss to his lips.

        That’s what started Calum on the hair cut trend. When he saw how different she had looked and how confident she was when she had gotten home from the girls’ day, he suddenly got the itch to get a haircut himself, change it up. He had been throwing the idea around a bit to Ashton, who also loved changing his hair as often as the weather changed. Calum held the phone up to his ear as he looking into the mirror. “I don’t know, these curls are getting ridiculous. Maybe I should go short again, maybe not buzzcut short, but short.”

        “Like when you had the blue hair?” Ashton asked on the other end of the phone. Calum made a face at himself in the mirror and hummed. “I liked when you had the blue hair, it was snazzy.”

        Calum chuckled at Ashton’s choice of words. “I liked the blur hair, but I was thinking a bit longer than that, so that I can still style it if or when I want to, you know?” Ashton hummed in response just as Calum felt a light tug on his pant leg. When he looked down, he saw Logan standing there, giving him puppy dog eyes. Calum hung up with Ashton and squatted to be at eye level with the Logan. “What’s up, buddy?” Calum asked running his thumb along Logan’s cheek.

        Logan pouted and looked down at his little hands. “I want a haircut too, daddy.” Calum looked around Logan’s head and surveyed the length of his hair. It was getting longer, but really didn’t need to be cut. Just as Calum was about to say something back to Logan, Aiden rounded the corner, ruffling his hands through his own mop of curls.

        Calum’s eyes widened and then he let out a breathy laugh. “Maybe it’s time all of us boys go get haircuts, yeah?” Aiden and Logan nodded and Calum stood to look at his phone and dial the number of the person he always went to for haircuts.

        Calum never told his wife when he wanted to get haircuts, she always got mad because she hated when he cut off his curls. That trend continued, Calum scheduled the haircuts on a day she had to work. So, after she left the house, Calum gathered his two sons and headed to the salon. Logan and Aiden were the first ones to get their hair cut. Calum watched as Aiden bounced out of the chair, and running his hands through his fresh, shortened hair and telling Calum how much better he felt. Calum sat in the chair and made faces at Logan and Aiden to keep them occupied until it was time to leave.

        You could tell there was something up the seconds you walked through the front door. There was a weird tension in the house, and then some tiny giggles coming from the living room, as if the boys were hiding from you. You dropped your keys into the ceramic bowl by the door and then hung your bag on the coat rack, as you usually do. Your eyebrows stitched together as you made your way into the living room, your jaw hitting the floor as you laid your eyes on the fresh haircuts. “Surprise!” Aiden and Logan said while lunging towards you.

        “Well, this is certainly one heck of a surprise.” You said, trying to contain the tears as you ran your hand through Aiden’s short locks. You Looked up at Calum and reached forward to run your hand through his hair too. He pressed his lips to your before you could say anything.

        “Do you like my hair momma?” Aiden asked with a smile spreading from ear to ear. You bit your lip and nodded. Aiden looked back at Calum and smiled before running off.

        Logan tugged on your pant legs, forcing you to look down at him. “What about me? Do you like my hair too, mommy?” You pulled your eyebrows together, not really noticing that there was anything different. Your eyes flashed toward Calum who just nodded.

        “Of course I like your haircut, too, baby.” You pinched his chin gently with your thumb and pointer finger before he smiled just as big as Aiden and ran off. Calum moved towards you and put his hands on your hips. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair, dragging your finger nails over his scalp. You shook your head and chuckled, “Why’d you cut not only your curls off, but my babies curls off too?”

        Calum chuckled and bent down to press a kiss to your lips. “Because we were both looking a big shaggy. Are you mad at me?” He asked after pulling his lips far enough from yours to look into your eyes.

        You shook your head, your nose rubbing against his. “I’m not mad, a bit sad, but not mad.” You paused as a shit-eating grin stretched across your lips, “Because it’s like ‘damn, who’s that? Oh right, my husband.’” Calum laughed and shook his head before pressing his lips against yours one more time.

************

Tag list: @mantlereid @notinthesameguey @viiirg0 @wheniminouterspace @thinkofmehlgh @another-lonely-heart @limer-encia @itsmytimetoodream @babyoria @treatallwithkindness

[spookypalace]

something borrowed - chapter two

After one drink too many at her  30th-birthday celebration, Jo unexpectedly falls into bed with her  longtime crush and best friend, Alex – who happens to be engaged to her best friend, Izzie. Ramifications of the liaison threaten to destroy  the women’s lifelong friendship, while Jackson, Jo’s  confidant, harbors a potentially explosive secret of his own.

—

Or the one where everyone is a little messy but you still root for them anyway.

(ao3 link)

ok ok so i'm not entirely happy with this chapter, partly because i used a bit of backstory from the book but i kinda preffered how they did it in the movie so i included that also lol - so there is a bit of both :/ i've been sitting on the chapter for a bit but couldn't think of any way i'd want to change it up so i thought i'd just post and get it over with.

also this is a flashback and within this flashback, there is a flashback. it's the big chunk in italics, but if anyone thinks the way i have formatted this chapter is confusing then please let me know so i can change it and make it ... make more sense i guess.

anyway, thanks for reading and please let me what you think!!

May 2004

It’s to no one’s surprise that the only person left in the campus library at ten p.m. on the last Friday of their final year of law school, it’s Jo. It’s where she spent most of her evenings for the past couple of weeks, studying and stressing—attempting to cram in as much last-minute knowledge she could before their final exam on the following Wednesday.

Brunette hair tied back, save for the few small wisps fluttering over her eyes she’d blowing up at every so often. His oversized grey sweatshirt hangs loosely off her arms as she turns page after page of some old law journal, her right-hand scribbling down messy notes at her unusually fast pace.

The library was dull lit, save for the security guards lamp who sits grunting in the back corner, and the numerous lamps that lit the large mahogany table she currently sat at—books splayed across the surface, ones she hadn’t touched for hours but kept out just in case. Jo chooses not to think about how long it’ll take her to clear this up before she must leave.

A yawn escapes her lips, causing her to lift her left wrist and check the time, she’d already been here for six hours and unless the security guard was kicking her out—she wasn’t leaving. Jo had come way too far and worked way too hard to fall at the last hurdle, the last exam.

Maybe if she hadn’t spent the first half of her senior year with Izzie and Jackson and Alex so much, albeit separately, she wouldn’t feel the need to study as much as she had in the past few weeks. Jo had found herself falling behind, distracted by parties and flooding apartments and some crappy law drama Jackson had forced her to watch every Thursday night. But now, after weeks—she felt like she was getting back on track, just in time as well.

Jo’s eyes scan the page in front of her, she reads it over and over, but the words just don’t seem to settle in. With a deep groan, she throws the pen across the table and flops her head into her hands, rubbing circles against her temple.

“You look like you could do with a drink.” Alex’s familiar deep voice sneaks up behind her, causing Jo to jump in her seat—spine becoming rigid as a loud gasp escapes her lips. The sound causes the security guard to stand from his seat, glaring over at the pair. “Sorry,” Alex calls over to the guy, raising his hands in defence before letting out a laugh as he settles down on the chair next to a still heavy-breathing Jo.

“You scared me!” She exclaims through gritted teeth, trying to keep her voice quiet but still let Alex know she wasn’t all that happy about his surprise arrival. He places a comforting hand on her back and rubs softly, up and down up and down. It surprises her just how much the action did relax her, the feeling of stress no longer coursing through her body. “What are you doing here?” Jo finally asks now her breathing has returned to normal, turning in her seat slightly to look up at Alex.

Alex is about to reply with something snarky about her rigorous studying schedule but then he notices; the grey sweatshirt that engulfs her small frame, the one with their college logo fraying over the chest. He’d recognise it anywhere, with the raggedy hemline against the wrists and the small patch of white paint he’d stained it with when he helped his mom paint the shed in her backyard. It was his sweatshirt. Jo was wearing his sweatshirt. And he couldn’t explain the warm fuzzy feeling he felt after just one look at her at her snuggled inside of it. She looked so cosy—perfect, even. He wondered if he’d ever see anyone look just as good as she looked in this moment.

But, then again, she was constantly surprising him.

Ever since she first sat down next to him in their freshman year; her eyes big, lips pursed and rambling about something or another to herself. Alex had thought she was crazy; the way she ranted under her breath as if there really was someone else up in her head conversing back to her. But then, once she spotted him staring, her ranting turned to babbling as she tried to explain herself. And in an instant, he no longer thought she was crazy, he thought she was cute and funny, OK, and maybe a little crazy—but that was part of her charm.

They had been friends ever since, really good friends.

Just friends.

“Is this mine?” He plasters on his crooked smirk, hiding the warm feeling he felt after noticing, as he uses his thumb and forefinger to pinch at the material and pull her a little closer.

She leans into him with a giggle, her dainty shoulder bumping against his broad, “stooop.” She drags, trying to fight the curl of her lips as he continues to tease her with pokes to her stomach. She’s attempting to get back into the reading she momentarily gave up on, picking up a pen which was closer to her than the one she angrily threw earlier. But he doesn’t relent, forcing her to swivel on her seat and look him dead in his amused brown eyes. “I forgot to bring clothes when I crashed at your place last night,” she informs with a shove to his arm, “I would have headed back to my apartment but my landlord called, the plumber was over there—finally fixing the damn pipes.”

Jo swears she sees Alex’s shoulders deflate at her words, and she can’t pinpoint exactly why he would be disappointed about finally getting her out of his hair. Despite the fact that Alex’s apartment was tiny, practically the size of the car she lived in back in high school, the place never felt cramped when it was just the two of them. There were times that they were probably a little too close for comfort, heat rising into the small area, but even if Alex minded her showing up with a single duffel bag and an apologetic smile—he never complained, not once.

Alex laughs lightly, “it’s cool, it looks better on you anyway.”

“Shut up.” Jo scoffs, deflecting the compliment. Something Alex noticed Jo did a lot, if not every single time someone attempts to say something nice to her. “So,” she pushes the conversation along, “you don’t have to worry about me showing up anymore.”

He shrugs, “I like the company.” Jo tilts her head to the side, eyes scanning his face—trying to find something, anything, that would give her a sign as to what that meant. What it meant coming from him. A sign. Something. “Oh!” He exclaims, shooting an apologetic glance over to the security guard, before his hands reach down the bag pack he discarded onto the floor upon his arrival, “I got you something.” He tells her with a smile and a glimmer in his eyes, hands fishing into the bag.

“For me?” Jo’s eyes widen in excitement as she grins widely. A giggle escapes her lips when he produces two bottle of beers and a bottle opener, popping the caps off when he sees the small excitement in her face. He loved that about, Jo. She appreciated the simple stuff—the stuff he appreciated, they enjoyed together. “You shouldn’t have,” Jo murmurs with a smile, hitting her bottle against Alex’s once he’s passed hers over, keeping the bottle below the table—out of the guards’ sight.

“I have a proposition for you.” He states, swigging the beer.

Jo’s eyebrows raise inquisitively, “mmhmm, what’s that?” Brown eyes widening as Alex leans in closer towards her, placing a bookmark on the open page of her book before slamming the thing shut. “Alex—”

“Let’s get out of here.” It’s not really a question, more like a polite order. “You need a break.”

With a huff, Jo rakes her eyes over the mess of open books, sighing at the sight before her. Jo shakes her head, turning back to Alex, “you should be studying, too. We have five days until we take the biggest test of our lives, Alex. Our entire future is counting—”

“Stop.” Alex groans, grabbing the small woman by her shoulders and forcing her to look him in the eyes. His crooked smirk never fades from his lips, doesn’t even falter. “You need a break.” He repeats, his voice almost stern.

Knowing that this wasn’t an argument she was about to win, Jo sets down the beer and picks up the misplaced pens, chucking them into the blue pencil case she’s been carrying around since he met her. Alex’s smirk turns into a proud grin as he watches her pack up her things, closing book after book.

He stands up, helping her gather her things and piles up books so he can take them back to their rightful place for her. It takes him three trips but when she murmurs a quiet thank you, raising a soft hand to stroke down his arm, he really doesn’t mind.

Once they’re done, her bag is filled and his hands are clutching at two cold beers whilst they walk out of the library, Jo bidding a sweet farewell to the unimpressed security guard, a thought crosses his mind. “You know,” he begins, watching as Jo’s brows raise in his direction and her hand comes to snatch back the cool beer, “once this is finally over, I’m taking you out for dinner.”

Jo grins, “a fancy bistro or a penthouse bar looking over New York’s skyline?” The glimmer in her eyes as they continue to walk in the direction of his apartment without even a spoken word regarding the matter, tells him she’s teasing.

“Private jet to Milan, actually.”

“How about …” Jo chuckles, bumping shoulders with Alex, tucking her small frame against his larger, “we eat fried chicken in the car like we were raised to do.”

“Sounds perfect.” He wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in closer as they round the corner onto the street of his apartment.

The next time they see one another, out of the classroom, she’s worming her way through the crowded bar they had agreed to meet at. Jo’s eyes are scanning across the people as her once cool skin heats up, in search of him. Fingers fumble to unbutton her thick coat within the mass of people, not wanting to accidentally elbow someone in the back—she sees him.

Alex is there, with a wide grin on his face and a bottle of his usual beer in hand. He’s laughing along to something one of there classmates have said before his eyes land on her, and if possible, his smile widens and sparkling white teeth blind her. He pauses his conversation, moving towards her and grabbing her by the hand to pull her through the crowd at a faster pace. He was glad to finally see her.

“Congratulations!” Jo exclaims to Alex and the rest of their classmates once they reach their corner of the bar, all of them cheer and offer her their own congratulations at the sight of her. She smiles up at Alex, before her hands finally move back to the one button she was yet to undo, snapping the coat open she shrugs it off her shoulders and places it across her forearm.

Alex is turned towards the bar, requesting another beer for Jo as she does so but when he turns back—his mouth goes dry. He’d never seen Jo dressed like that. The figure hugging little black dress hugged her curves perfectly, lifting and contouring her cleavage. He thought, though he kept it to himself, she looked absolutely perfect. But before he could be subject to both Jo’s and their classmates lame jokes about his drooling, he shakes his head—ignoring the feelings that rushed over him at just the sight of her. Pleased for the moment of distraction as he exchanges his cash for a beer and hands it over to the petite brunette, full lips offering him a tight smile in thanks.

Yes, he’d always thought Jo was pretty. Beautiful, even. When she was dressed in a sweatshirt or just a cardigan, even a simple t-shirt—she always managed to look utterly perfect. At least, to him she did. He’d heard her wining about bad skin and greasy hair, but he’d never seen the faults that she could see.

As they’re standing there, celebrating the end of an era, Jo begins to reminisce on how they got here …

She thinks about how she had met Alex during their first year of law school at NYU. Unlike most law students, who come straight from college when they can think of nothing better to do with their stellar undergrad transcripts, Alex Karev was older, with real-life experience. He had worked as an analyst at Goldman Sachs, which blew away Jo’s nine-to-five summer internships and office jobs filing and answering phones. He was confident, relaxed, and so gorgeous that it was hard not to stare at him. Sure enough, they were barely into their first week of class when the buzz over Alex began, women speculating about his status, noting either that his left ring finger was unadorned or, alternatively, worrying that he was too well dressed and handsome to be straight. But Jo dismissed Alex straightaway, because she thought that he thought she was crazy, convincing herself that his outward perfection was boring. Which was a fortunate stance because she also knew that he was out of her league. (She hated that expression and the presumption that people choose friends based so heavily upon looks, but it is hard to deny the principle when you look around—partners generally share the same level of attractiveness, and when they do not, it is noteworthy.) Besides, she wasn’t borrowing thirty thousand dollars a year so that she could find a boyfriend.

As a matter of fact, she probably would have gone three years without talking to him, but they randomly ended up next to each other in a significantly small seating-chart class taught by the sardonic Professor Zisman. Although many professors at NYU used the Socratic method, only Zisman used it as a tool to humiliate and torture students. Alex and Jo bonded in their hatred of the mean-spirited professor. Jo feared Zisman to an irrational extreme, whereas Alex’s reaction had more to do with disgust. “What an asshole,” he would growl after class, often after Zisman had reduced a fellow classmate to tears. “I just want to wipe that smirk off the jerks face.” Gradually, their grumbling turned into longer talks over coffee in the student lounge or during walks around Washington Square Park. They began to study together in the hour before class, preparing for the inevitable—the day Zisman would call on them. Jo dreaded her turn, knowing that it would be a bloody massacre, but secretly couldn’t wait for Alex to be called on. Zisman preyed on the weak and flustered, and Alex was neither. Jo was sure that he wouldn’t go down without a fight. She remembers it well.  

Zisman stood behind his podium, examining his seating chart, a schematic with their faces cut from the first-year look book, practically salivating as he picked his prey. He peered over his small, round glasses (the kind that should be called spectacles) in the pair’s general direction, and said, “Mr. Karev.”

He pronounced Alex’s name wrong, making it sound more similar to “carve.” “It’s Ka-rev,’” Alex said, unflinching.  Jo inhaled sharply; nobody corrected Zisman. Alex was really going to get it now.

“Well, pardon me, Mr. Ka-rev,” Zisman said, with an insincere little bow. “Palsgraf versus Long Island Railroad Company.”

Alex sat calmly with his book closed while the rest of the class nervously flipped to the case, we had been assigned to read the night before.

The case involved a railroad accident. While rushing to board a train, a railroad employee knocked a package of dynamite out of a passenger’s hand, causing injury to another passenger, Mrs. Palsgraf. Justice Cardozo, writing for the majority, held that Mrs. Palsgraf was not a “foreseeable plaintiff” and, as such, could not recover from the railroad company. Perhaps the railroad employees should have foreseen harm to the package holder, the Court explained, but not harm to Mrs. Palsgraf. “Should the plaintiff have been allowed recovery?” Zisman asked Alex.

Alex said nothing. For a brief second Jo panicked that he had frozen, like others before him. Say no, she thought, sending him fierce brain waves. Go with the majority holding. But when she looked at his expression, and the way his arms were folded across his chest, Jo could tell that he was only taking his time, in marked contrast to the way most first-year students blurted out quick, nervous, untenable answers as if reaction time could compensate for understanding. “In my opinion?” Alex asked.

“I am addressing you, Mr. Karev. So, yes, I am asking for your opinion.” The teacher groaned, rolling his eyes. “I would have to say yes, the plaintiff should have been allowed recovery. I agree with Justice Andrew’s dissent.”

“Ohhhh, really?” Zisman’s voice was high and nasal. “Yes. Really.” Jo was surprised by his answer, as he had told her just before class that he didn’t realize crack cocaine had been around in 1928, but Justice Andrews surely must have been smoking it when he wrote his dissent. She was even more surprised by Alex’s brazen “really” tagged onto the end of his answer, as though to taunt Zisman. Zisman’s scrawny chest swelled visibly. “So you think that the guard should have foreseen that the innocuous package measuring fifteen inches in length, covered with a newspaper, contained explosives and would cause injury to the plaintiff?” “It was certainly a possibility.” “Should he have foreseen that the package could cause injury to anybody in the world?” Zisman asked, with mounting sarcasm. “I didn’t say ‘anybody in the world.’ I said, ‘the plaintiff.’ Mrs. Palsgraf, in my opinion, was in the danger zone.” Zisman approached our row with ramrod posture and tossed his Wall Street Journal onto Alex’s closed textbook. “Care to return my newspaper?” “I’d prefer not to,” Alex stated, unflinching. The shock in the room was palpable. The rest of the class would have simply played along and returned the paper, mere props in Zisman’s questioning. “You’d prefer not to?” Zisman cocked his head. “That’s correct. There could be dynamite wrapped inside it.” Half of the class gasped; the other half snickered. Clearly, Zisman had some tactic up his sleeve, some way of turning the facts around on Alex. But Alex wasn’t falling for it. Zisman was visibly frustrated. “Well, let’s suppose you did choose to return it to me, and it did contain a stick of dynamite and it did cause injury to your person. Then what, Mr. Thaler?”

“Then I would sue you, and likely I would win.”

“And would that recovery be consistent with Judge Cardozo’s rationale in the majority holding?”

“No. It would not.” “Oh, really? And why not?” “Because I’d sue you for an intentional tort, and Cardozo was talking about negligence, was he not?” Alex raised his voice to match Zisman’s. Jo thinks she stopped breathing as Zisman pressed his palms together and brought them neatly against his chest as though he were praying. “I ask the questions in this classroom. If that’s all right with you, Mr. Thaler?” Alex shrugged as if to say, have it your way, makes no difference to me.

“Well, let’s suppose that I accidentally dropped my paper onto your desk, and you returned it and were injured. Would Mr. Cardozo allow you full recovery?” “Sure.” And at the end of the hour, Zisman actually said, “Very good, Mr. Thaler.” It was a first.  

The pair had left class feeling jubilant. Alex had prevailed for all of them. The story spread throughout the first-year class, earning him more points with the girls, who had long since determined that he was totally available.

Jo had found herself telling Izzie the story as well. Izzie had moved to New York at about the same time Jo did, only under vastly different circumstances. Jo was there to become a lawyer; she came without a job, or a plan, or much money. Jo let her sleep on a futon in my dorm room until she found some roommates—three American Airlines flight attendants looking to squeeze a fourth body into their heavily partitioned studio. She borrowed money from her parents to make the rent while she looked for a job, finally settling on a bartending position at the Monkey Bar. For the first time in their friendship, Jo was happy with her life in comparison to hers. Well, she was still poorer, but at least she had a plan. Izzie’s prospects didn’t seem great with only a 2.9 GPA from Indiana University. “You’re so lucky,” Izzie would whine as Jo tried to study. Really, after years of living in her car, growing up parentless, really? Luck is buying a lottery ticket along with your Yoo-hoo and striking it rich. Nothing about Jo’s life is lucky—it’s all about hard work, it is all an uphill struggle. But of course, she never said that. Just told her that things would soon turn around for her. And sure enough, they did. About two weeks later a man waltzed into the Monkey Bar, ordered a whiskey sour, and began to chat Izzie up. By the time he finished his drink, he had promised her a job at one of Manhattan’s top PR firms. He told her to come in for an interview, but that he would (wink, wink) make sure that she got the job. Izzie took his business card, had Jo revise her résumé, went in for the interview, and got an offer on the spot. Her starting salary was seventy thousand dollars. Plus, an expense account. Practically what Jo would make if she did well enough in school to get a job with a New York firm. So while Jo sweated it out and racked up debt, Izzie began her glamorous PR career. She planned parties, promoted the season’s latest fashion trends, got plenty of free everything, and dated a string of beautiful men. Within seven months, she left the flight attendants in the dust and moved in with her co-worker Reed, a snobbish, well-connected girl from Greenwich. Izzie tried to include Jo in her fast-track life, although she seldom had time to go to her events or her parties or her blind-date setups with guys she swore were “total-hotties” but that Jo knew were simply Izzie’s castoffs. Which brings her back to Alex. Jo raved about him to Izzie and Reed, told them how unbelievable he was—smart, handsome, funny. In retrospect she’s not sure why she did it. In part because it was true. But perhaps she was a little jealous of their glamorous life and wanted to juice her own up a bit. Alex was the best thing in her arsenal. “So why don’t you like him?” Izzie would ask. “He’s not my type,” she’d say. “We’re just friends.” Which was the truth. Sure, there were moments when Jo felt a flicker of interest or a quickening of her pulse as she sat near Alex. Especially once they became friends and ended up spending almost all their time with one another. Jo was only glad that by the time Jo was spending nights at Alex’s place she had dropped it. Jo had tried to remain vigilant as not to fall for him, always reminding herself that guys like Alex only date girls like Izzie.

But then came the way Alex’s hand would softly find the small of her back as they were walking, and the way his hooded gaze would meet hers after a few drinks at the bar, and then his muscular arms would wrap around her after a study breakthrough and all of the work she had put in to not falling for him … evaporated. She was completely and utterly hopeless.

Izzie was the first to notice the change in Jo’s feelings. As they were lying on the blonde’s couch and she had absentmindedly mentioned him to Jo, and the brunette sat up straighter and a blush painted her cheeks and she began to stutter out her words … Izzie screamed gleefully, teasing Jo to begin with but ultimately telling her best friend to go for it. But that had been a while ago now, and although Izzie mentioned Jo’s feelings for Alex in passing on occasion, it was mostly pushed to the back of their minds. Izzie was still very much aware, though. She proved that much when she teased Jo with a wink and a smirk at every mention of the older man’s name.

And despite Jo’s closeness with both Alex and Izzie—it wouldn’t be until tonight, now law school was over, that the pair would finally meet. About one hour had passed since Jo had shown up and she and Alex had found a free booth in the back of the bar to slip into, most of their classmates already moving on to the next bar whilst a few stayed behind but hung out on the stools nearer to the entrance.

“You know,” Alex quirks up an eyebrow at Jo, “you’re gonna’ have to finally relax now you have to stop worrying about schoolwork.” He remarks with a teasing smile.

Jo giggles, “now I just need to worry about finding a job.”

“Well, at least take a night off.” Alex rolls his eyes, letting out a laugh of his own. “I want us to have fun, tequila shots and vodka sodas on me. What do you say?”

Jo pretends to mull it over for a second, although she knows that Alex is very certain that she’ll say yes. “OK.” Jo states, leaning in closer to Alex, her breath dancing across his neck as she whispers, “but you need to make sure I end up back at my place tonight.”

Alex’s gaze finds hers and he nods, “I’m on Jo duty, got it.” She raises a hand between them offering him a handshake, and his eyes cut from her to her dainty hand, he clutches it before giving her a firm shake. He found himself quite enjoying the feel of her soft small fingers in his, and when she pulls it out of his grasp—he misses her touch. “I don’t mind keeping my eyes on you,” he flirts but it’s lost on Jo, whose completely convinced he only tried to make her blush and tease her, as she scoffs and playfully hits his arm as he slides out of the booth.

Jo is only sat alone for a moment of two before she hears the shrill screech of Izzie’s voice, “I’m hereee!” The blonde runs up to the booth, shimmying into the seat and flopping her purse down onto the table with an exclaimed huff before flipping her long blonde hair behind her shoulders. Her eyes are scanning the rest of the bar, barely paying attention to the friend she had come here specifically to celebrate with, before muttering,  “oh god, of course you’re the one sat alone in the dark corner—”

Jo cuts her off, sighing before she begins to explain she wasn’t alone, “actually—”

“I need to get drunk.” Izzie interrupts with a deep sigh before venturing off into a mini rant, “I’ve had such an awful day, running around after my boss and urgh—this client asked me to run and get him coffee, plus, I’m almost certain that the stress is the reason my hair is falling so flat on my head right now.” Izzie huffs in one single breath, fiddling with one strand of perfectly curled golden hair. “Oh crap,” her eyes widen, “how was your test thingy?”

Jo raises her eyebrows for a millisecond but chooses to ignore the comment—as if passing the bar was just another test. Like their high school math SAT which Izzie almost didn’t even bother to attend. Instead of complaining, she smiles and nods, “it went great, I’m confident—”

“Fuck!” Izzie’s voice cuts her off again.

At that moment Alex sauntered over to the booth with a tray full of drinks for him and Jo, which she now suspected she’ll be sharing with Izzie. As soon as he joins them, his eyes flick to the blonde and as if on instinct, Jo introduced him to Izzie, and she turned on the charm, giggling and playing with her hair and nodding emphatically whenever he said anything. Alex was pleasant to her but didn’t seem overly interested and, at one point, as she was dropping Goldman names—do you know this guy or that guy?—Alex actually appeared to be suppressing a yawn.  

Seemingly, this went unnoticed by Izzie—although she seemed mildly miffed with Jo when the brunette was responding to her instead of Alex. But she thought she was saving her friends from an awkward interaction.

“Do you want another drink?” Alex turns his attention to Jo, noticing her almost empty glass. She wonders if this is just an excuse to get away or if he wanted another himself, she couldn’t tell how far along he was through the dark coloured beer bottle.

“So, when you gonna’ grow a pair and ask Jo out on a real date?” “I am sick of hearing about study sessions and nights out and blah blah blah …”

“Iz—” Jo begins, stopping herself as her mouth begins to go dry with embarrassment. “I mean, he—you don’t have to … we don’t—we are just friends.” She stutters over her words, feeling a fresh deep red blush crawl up her chest and her neck and then her cheeks under both Alex and Izzie’s stares. Izzie’s eyebrow is quirked up, lips curled into a tight smirk, watching Jo’s flustered state. Whilst Alex looks more taken aback; his lips are parted, a small frown on his face and he almost looks as if he’s about to begin protesting before Izzie begins to giggle.

Both of their eyes snap in her direction as she continues laughing before, at a flip of a switch, the blondes face turns serious. There’s a slight glimmer in her eyes as she asks, “well, then when are you going to ask me on a date?”

Alex’s eyebrows almost shoot to his hair line, clearly surprised by Izzie’s forwardness. His eyes leave Jo’s and he’s uncomfortably chuckling at Izzie, his fingers fumbling with the paper that wrapped around his still cool beer.

Jo’s throat turns dry; her heart dropping and her once joyful demeanour has turned sour. It sounded selfish, but they were supposed to be out celebrating her. Her and Alex. But Izzie didn’t know Alex, she only came here for Jo. And Izzie knew, even if Jo tried to deny it, Izzie knew very well that Jo had feelings for Alex. She’d told her that much—every time Jo went into denial; Izzie would state again and again that she knows Jo better than herself and she knows Jo has a huge thing for Alex.

So, why was she sat here, on Jo’s night, basically asking Alex on a date?

“You can take me to this penthouse bar I’ve seen,” she tells him, confidently, lifting up her glass and seductively placing her straw between her lips with a coy smile, “overlooking the skyline, very classy.”

Jo lets out a breathy laugh, before excusing herself, feeling as if she won’t be able to hide her disdain any longer, “I need to use the bathroom.” She tells them both, shimmying out of the booth as Alex gets up to make way for her to leave. His brown eyes watch her retreating form, unable to tear themselves away.

As Jo takes a breather in the ladies’ room, she wonders if she could even be hurt with Izzie at all. Like she said, she had denied having feelings for Alex over and over. And it’s not like she stated a claim on him, he wasn’t hers. Yes, he was her closest friend in college and other than Jackson, he was easily her biggest confidant. They bonded over shared hatred for teachers and classes, and similar upbringings. She had always felt like they shared something, since that first-class years ago. He wasn’t hers—and it was selfish of her to decide in her own mind that he couldn’t be Izzie’s either.

It wasn’t her place. When she worms her way back to the booth, she’s almost stopped in her tracks as she hears the sound of Alex’s gruff voice next to Izzie’s loud and obnoxious laughter. But with a deep breath, Jo powers ahead and moves to stand directly in front of the booth. “I’m going to head home,” she tells them, offering her best fake smile, “I’m pretty tired—big day an’ all.”

“I’ll walk you home!” Alex offers, almost jumping from his seat to catch her wrist in his hands. Neither of them noticing Izzie’s burning gaze on the friendly interaction.

“No, no—it’s fine.” Jo places her free hand on top of Alex’s, gently telling him to let go. “I’ll catch a cab.” She lies. Knowing she’ll end up walking back to her place, needing the fresh air and the time to think.

He’s concerned as he presses, “are you sure?”

Offering Izzie a tight-lipped smile and Alex a shake of her head, brushing his concern off, “certain.” With that, the pair both nod—Izzie more eager than Alex to be left alone, the blonde shoots Jo a wink as a way of saying thank you but Jo chooses not to acknowledge it, she knows Izzie won’t remember come morning.  

As she steps out into the cool air, a wave of emotion sets on her and if there wasn’t so many people lingering on the street lined full of bars, she thinks fresh tears would fall down her face. But then she’d be the pathetic one who was crying over some boy who wasn’t even her boyfriend. Or was she crying over the betrayal of her friend. Was it even a betrayal?

“Jo!” The familiar sound of Alex’s voice shouts from behind her, stopping in her tracks and silently thanking herself for choosing not to cry, “are you ok?” He asks sincerely as she spins on her heel, turning to face him and plaster on that well-rehearsed fake grin.

In that moment, she thinks pretending that she has no idea what he was insinuating, “ … with?”

“Well,” he lifts a thumb to gesture back to the bar, “with this?”

She can’t believe her faux smile can grow any bigger, but it does, “yes—of course! Yeh, Izzie’s great,” Jo begins to nod profusely, “you never know where it might lead, right?”

“Erm,” Alex begins, eyes glistening against the streetlights before he lets out an un-convinced huff, “yeah.”

“Cool, so, good night.”

“Good night.”

[saltpigsblog]

The Hidden Shop

"This place must be new" Julie states peering into one of the cloudy windows. Alex squinted into the building not being able to make out anything.

"I don't know seems pretty old," Reggie says as he nudged a squeaky sign.

'alchemy'

A loud squawking noise suddenly fills the air. A small owl sat near the entrance of the door. It ruffled its feathers at Luke, who was holding a stick menacingly.

"Leave the poor thing alone, Luke"

Ignoring Luke's pout Alex walks toward the disgruntled bird. At a slight glance, the owl looked normal. The feathers at the top of its head were pink and slicked back. Looking closer Alex could see tiny stars in its feathers.

"Why does that Owl's hair look better than mine?" Reggie jokes as Julie reangles the stick out of Luke's hand.

"Because it is," Luke says only to let out a squeak as Julie turns the stick on him.

"You don't get to speak until you apologies " She declares, swinging menacingly at Luke.

"To the Owl? No way I'm-" He stops as Julie raises a brow and readjusts her grip on her weapon.

With a small huff, Luke makes his way toward the Owl. Honestly, Alex sometimes wonders how Luke always ended up in weird situations.

"Look," Luke says arms crossed as stands in front of the bird, "I'm sorry I disturbed you or whatever"

The owl, however, would have non of it. Turning away from Luke and ruffling its feathers up. Alex wished he could inherit the level of pettiness in one movement.

"Oh, come on you don't have to be like that!"

Luke shouts when the owl turns away from him. He stomps his way in front of the bird and held eye contact.

"I'm sorry"

This time it seemed to work, or maybe it just got tired of Luke. With a small node of its head, the owl began to flap its wings. With one last look toward Luke, it disappeared through the entrance of the building.

"uh... guys, please tell me I'm not going crazy"

Reggie begins slowly inching away from the sign of the building. Alex was just as shocked as him.

The old building walls begin to change when the owl flew through them. The once flakey paint of the sign turned new and fresh. While the old wood of the doors straightened out.

The entire building seemed to grow bigger as the doors changed to accommodate. Even the writing on the sign seemed to have got a renovation. It know read in clean and steady handwriting.

Alchemy

"So" Luke walks toward the entrance doors and touches the handles. "We're going in right?"

And they did, despite Alex's protests, honestly, why did no one listen to him?

"Come on Alex, live a little," Luke says as he pushes the door inward.

"We're dead" Alex points out following closely behind Julie. Even with his unease, he would rather be with them than all alone.

The inside was just as pristine as the outside, with glittering marble floors, and oak tables. Most of the seats were filled and a faint whiff of cinnamon wafted through the air.

Alex had to force himself to not stare at the people scattered around the shop. People covered in amour, and strange clothes. Alex silently hoped he was losing his mind as a squid in a suit, holding a cupcake, slithered past them.

They made their way toward the cashier's desk situated at the back of the building.

"Um.. excuse me but, what is this place?"

Reggie says to a short-haired girl behind the counter. She looked normal enough, not counting the almost see-through wings on her back.

"You guys are new here, huh?"

She says stroking a small cat that lay beside her. The girl seemed unconcerned with their presence like she had been expecting them.

So not only was the place filled with magic, know they could be seen as well. Alex doesn't think he can handle any more shock in one day.

"Yeah, we're kinda new to this whole ghost thing" he finds himself saying as Luke and Reggie look at a sludgy creature passing by.

"Well," she says as she digs around under the counter "You've come to the right place,"

She comes back with two pieces of golden paper and hands them to Julie. "If you wanna work here, you have to ask Willie, he should be upstairs.

Alex peered over Julie's shoulder at the papers, it was a job application. Julie gapes at the other girl as she rings up a customer.

"How did you even know I wanted to-"

Julie doesn't finish as the girl shoos them toward some stairs. Well, they were already here why not go up a creepy set of stairs?

Not that he could call them creepy, the stairs looked just as good as everything else in this place. Honestly, it seemed like Alex was the only one questioning things.

"Alex I can feel you thinking," Julies says as they ascend the stairs, stopping now and again to move out of the way of other customers.

Alex has to grab Reggie before he runs face-first into a white-haired man, and a man dressed in bright colors. Did the other one have a lute?

"Yeah dude, you're like oozing anxiety"

"What did I say about that word"

Alex says as Luke opens the doors that lead to the second floor. Somehow this part looked weirder than the last.

"I mean how are you guys not freaking out? What don't even know what this place is-"

His train of thought is quickly derailed as he focuses on a short boy, quietly putting up bottles.

Why was he so pretty? Who was he, and how did he make Alex's heart skip a beat, and make his palms sweaty. They hadn't even talked yet, and Alex already feels like they've known each other for years.

"Guys, I think Alex died again" Reggie states as he waves a hand in front of Alex's face.

"Or maybe," Julie says with a teasing tone in her voice

"He saw a cute boy" she laughs as she follows Alex's gaze toward the boy.

Feeling his cheeks flush Alex sputters indigently as Luke wiggles his eyebrows at him.

"I wasn't-I just-he's so" Alex struggled to find the words as he mumbled.

"Pretty?" Julie says

"Handsome?" Reggie says in a singsong voice

"Hot" Luke says pinching at Alex's cheek

And honestly, that didn't help at all in Alex's crises, was he that obvious? If Luke noticed, then it must be obvious. Oh god, what if the cute boy noticed him staring. Alex doesn't think he would be able to handle that without dying a second time.

But it seemed like Luke had other plains as he dragged Alex toward the boy. Meanwhile, Reggie and Julie, the traitors, took a sudden interest in a candle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Willie's day was pretty normal so far, well as far as normal goes with his profession. He opened up shop at 7, enough time to prepare for the many people who came in at 9.

But there was one thing that managed to slip his mind as he opened up for the day. Allision, one of his workers, had quit yesterday. She had reluctantly left to rule over her late father's kingdom.

Her leave was sudden and unexpected, so much so that Willie had forgotten she wouldn't be at the shop.

Usually, there would be two people for each portion of the shop to make sure everything was in order. And every week everyone would switch. And today was Willie's and Allision's turn to restock the magic part of the shop.

Only the problem arouse when Cherry and Oliver needed a few extra hands with the bakery. Willie's brain had just automatically assumed that Allision would take care of the work upstairs.

And with that in mind, he had opened as soon as he was done with the bakery.

Which meant he had to scramble to restock the various potions and magical items, thankfully no one needed them as soon as they opened.

He could ask Frank to come in a little early, but Willie knows the man's exams would be soon.

Letting out a small sigh Willie picked up the small box of potions in front of him. Willie could handle the magic shop, after all, it wasn't like he hadn't before.

Distracted by the small buzzing coming from the cards attached to his hip, Willie has to dodge to not run into Luie, a small sludge creature.

Stopping at a counter he pulls out a slim black card from the deck, and gently placed it in front of him.

"Hey, Boss so you remember how we need some help?"

Cherry's voice rings out from the card he had put down.

"Yeah, how could I forget?"

Willie refuses to acknowledge the slip up he had made, he grabs the first bottle to put on the shelf as he listens to Cherry.

"A human just came through, looking for a job for her and a friend"

She states with the ching of the register accompanying her voice. She pauses to take someone's order before she continues.

"There were also a couple of ghosts with her, I think the blonde one is exactly your type"

Willie holds back a groan as he hears Cherry laugh on the other end. For some reason, his workers loved matchmaking him. His one saving grace had been Cherry who had shooed everyone off when they tried putting him with the latest person. But it seems like not even Cherry could hold herself back.

Snatching the cards back up, thus ending the connection. Willie let out a huff as he continued putting the potions on the shelf.

Honestly, Willie can't understand why they thought he needed them to butt into his love life. He didn't want to date anyone, he had his shop and he doesn't need anything else.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex was going to faint. He had gotten Luke and Reggie to leave him alone by distracting them with the trinkets nearby. And Julie had dropped it on her own, seeing how uncomfortable Alex was.

And everything had been fine for about 10 minutes. They explored the shop, and Alex continued to sneak glances at the boy as he made his way to the back.

Eventually. Julie finally remembered why they were there in the first place.

"Guys, focus we're supposed to find Willie"

Alex doesn't know how, but as soon as Luke registered Julie's words he fell.....right where an owl soundly slept. Needless to say, the owl wasn't too pleased.

Loud squawking and shouting filled the air as the same owl from the entrance picked at Luke.

"Wow I've never seen her so mad before, what did he do?"

Alex glanced at the boy who had situated on the counter, swallowing back his embarrassment. Just act naturally he told himself, stuffing his shaking hands into his hoodie.

"He fell on her, though he did threaten her with a stick earlier,"

There short and to the point, he even managed to keep his voice steady when he said it.

"A stick? I'm surprised she didn't run him out already"

Alex feels the boy shift beside him as they watched Luke's futile attempts to get the owl away.

"Does she, uh do that often?"

Alex leans himself on the counter missing the other boy's stare as he watched Reggie cheer the bird on.

"All the time, especially when someone tries to steal...I'm Willie by the way"

It takes Alex's brain a few seconds to register the name, wondering how they didn't find out sooner. Willie was the only one who seemed to be working. Alex chalks it up to there excitement they had when they entered the shop. At least Julie didn't have to worry about Willie being a demon.

"Alex and my friend Julie is looking for you, she wants to know if she can work here"

"Well, why didn't you guys say anything sooner?"

Willie says as he hops down from the counter, letting out a loud whistle. Almost instantly the bird's focus changes from Luke, flying away from him and perching onto Willie's shoulder.

"So,"

He says once Julie helps Luke up from his place on the floor.

"I hear one of you wants to work here"

[el-gilliath]

Just... blame @chamblerstara​ and @captainvlamis​ for this as they wanted a longer version of my Alex mini-fic prompt When Words Aren’t Enough. They wanted angst, and you can be damned sure that I delivered. 

There are few constants in Alex’s life. His leg is one of them, a nightmare he won’t ever escape, a nightmare he won’t ever forget. The Air Force is another, the reason for most of his misery, the reason he became who he is, be it because of his own enlistment or his dad.

Michael is the last. The love of his life, the one man he can’t escape. The man he won’t. 

He lives in a constant state of pain. If it’s not his leg causing him pain, it’s Michael. If it’s not Michael, it’s his PTSD. Flashbacks plague his every day, phantom limb pain as well. He prays to a god he no longer believes in that he can escape it one day, but he doesn’t believe he will. Maybe he doesn’t even deserve it. He’s done enough bad in his life not to, done enough to fuck up his and everyone else’s life to have to live in his misery. 

He tells himself he’s fine with it, that he understands. The voices in his head reminds him that he isn’t. He’ll pretend until he can’t any more. It’s the price he has to live with, for the choices he’s made. 

He watches Michael move on with Maria with a level of dissociation he didn’t know he was capable of, watches as his best friend, the one who stayed, does everything he thought he was finally ready for with Michael. Watches them kiss in the open, watches them hold hands, watches them go on dates. He watches them with an anger he didn’t know he possessed simmering in his belly. He tells Maria in a drunk moment that they’re both lucky they don't have to see it, that they don't have to feel his anger. He praises himself lucky that he’s not the one with the emotional telekinesis. 

He chews Maria out the next time she looks at him with pity. He might understand why Michael moved on, especially with Maria, but that doesn’t give her the right to feel pity for him. She chose to not consider his feelings, he doesn’t want her pity. He knows she gets it, when her eyes narrow and she tells him off for withholding Buffy cuddles. Their friendship will never be the same, as long as she’s with Michael, maybe not even after, but both of them will pretend until they can’t any more. It’s all they have left.

She asks him about the blue haired cutie he’s dating, though they both know he’s just a placeholder, no matter how much Alex likes him. Alex doesn’t want to pretend, he doesn’t have the patience for it anymore. And he wants Maria to know. He wants Michael to know. Maria and Michael dating doesn’t change how he feels, neither does him dating anyone else. Maybe it’s unfair of him, considering he has said that he’s fine with them dating, but he also knows his love for Michael will never go away. He’s still gonna try to smile when he sees them, Michael deserves his support. 

He also knows he’s not successful sometimes, not dissociated enough, when he sees the Maria’s pinched brow, feels the guilt just pouring out of her. He doesn’t tell her it’s fine then, she knows it’s not. Their trust might be frayed, but he still won’t lie to her. As does Michael, by the stormy sadness he can never hide from Alex. He just looks at them then, for a moment, a second, a lifetime, before he turns and walks away. It’s what he’s good at after all.

---------

He’s not expected to be faced with his own mortality three months later, nor does he expect to be faced with his own failure. He’s been pulling farther and farther away, lost in the depths of his own anger as he combes through the Shepherd files on the hunt for anything he can use. A reupping of his enlistment gave him five more years to finish it, to find a way to keep the aliens safe. To keep Michael safe. He takes it, happily losing himself in the files, turning his back and mind from the things he doesn’t want to think about. He doesn’t answer the phone for anyone, only telling Kyle that he’ll be gone for a while so no one comes looking.

They don’t give up though, he has messages and missed calls every day from everyone. They never drop in intensity, even after he’s ignored them for days, a week of being in the bunker almost 24/7, only breaking away to sleep, feed and take walks with Buffy by his property.

Maybe that’s why he misses it, the truck that’s parked by the side of his cabin when he gets home about two weeks after he reupped. He doesn’t notice anything until he walks in through the front door and finds Michael on the floor, Buffy in his lap as he pets her. He shoots a glare at his dog, the big traitor, who just yawns and releases a small boof in his direction. She obviously doesn’t care what he thinks as long as Michael keeps scratching behind her ears.

He wishes he didn’t understand as well as he does.

“What are you doing here, Guerin? Besides cuddling my dog,” he says, talking quietly as he moves around, putting away his jacket, leaving his keys on the ledge by the door. He wanted to come in, take off his prosthetic and give his leg a rest. That’s not happening with Michael there.

“No one has seen you for two weeks, and you’ve only spoken with Kyle. We were worried.”

“If the we in this situation is you and Maria you can get out of my home, I’m not in the mood to be the understanding Alex tonight.”

“It’s not,” Michael says, moving Buffy who huffs in protest before he gets to his feet. “It’s everyone. People notice when you go missing, Alex. People care about you.”

“Good to know,” Alex replies in the dullest tone he can manage as he moves into the kitchen. He’s being a snide little shit and he knows it, but he’s tired. He doesn’t want the temptation. Michael in his cabin, alone, even when he’s been there before, is just that. Temptation.

“Alex, don’t be like that.”

He turns his head slowly towards Michael and raises one eyebrow. “Like what, Guerin? Tired, achy and grouchy because you’re in my home without asking?”

“You gave me a key.”

“For emergencies. Of which this is not.” Alex sighs. “Guerin, just tell everyone that I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Alex, even I can see that,” Guerin says. His eyes are starting to narrow, an annoyance ticking at the side of his temple in a way Alex knows very well. It’s a furrow that only appears when Michael’s frustrated and annoyed with no idea what to do, a sight Alex knows all to well.

“Don’t worry, I won’t bother you with it. You wanted to move on, so do it. You don’t have to worry about me being hurt”

“Goddamnit Alex!” He doesn’t expect Michael to yell, not this early in the conversation. Michael’s nostrils flare, his eyes taking on a wild look that Alex hasn’t seen a lot. Caulfield was the last time. The shed was the first. “Can you stop talking to me like I’m the enemy? I know you don’t like me very much right now, but just stop, please.”

“Don’t like you very much? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Look,” Michael starts. “I know you’re pissed at me for leaving you alone at the Airstream and I know you’re pissed that I went to Maria without talking to you first, but you said that you loved me, present tense. Telling me that you don’t look away to get me out of a prison that’s about to blow up doesn’t change that.”

“You think that’s why I’m mad?”

“Well, yeah! Most of the time you seem like you don’t care at all, and then you’re suddenly angry and Maria is feeling guilty and I don’t. I don’t get it. You didn’t want to be with me Alex, so why are you pissed when I’m with someone else?”

Alex’s breath stutters to a halt, his heart pounding harder and harder for each second that Michael talks. Like it won’t ever stop beating for this man in front of him, unruly curls and hazel eyes looking at him like he really doesn’t understand why Alex has a problem with any of it. Why Alex has a problem with seeing his best friend date his ex-maybe, his ex-something.

“I...”

Michael looks so sad in front of him, so confused and broken in ways he hasn’t seen in a while. Hasn’t seen since before Max returned to the land of the living, when Michael spiralled and almost ruined all the relationships in his life, be they romantic, friendly or family.

“You don’t know?”

“Know what, Alex?!” Michael yells, papers on his desk rearranging themselves in a clear statement of how frustrated Michael is. “I don’t know anything, because no one will tell me anything.”

“You don’t know how I feel,” Alex replies, voice calm, heart still pounding in his chest.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that?”

“You’re supposed to know because I told you! I told you at Caulfield, I told you in the Airstream, I’ve told you since then! Why do you think I keep walking away when I see you with Maria?!”

“I don’t know, Alex! You always walk away from me!”

The pounding in Alex’s chest slows down. Not because he’s calmer, but because it needs too. One moment he’s strung up, tense and angered as he usually is. The next the strings snap, and he’s exhausted. He’s done so many things wrong in his life, protected without telling, walked without explaining. He’s paying for it now, like he always knew he would. And now he’s left with only one option, the last way out.

“If you want to know how I feel. Then mark me.”

It’s perhaps the most heartbreaking sentence that has ever left his mouth. Because it means he failed. It means his ability to speak is lacking, that he can’t get his meaning across. It means that he’s standing here in front of the man he loves, and he’s failed yet again to help him understand how much Alex loves him. It means that despite him trying, despite him struggling, despite him working on it, he still hasn’t managed.

It means words aren’t enough. It means Alex will have to bare his soul, in a way he doesn’t know if he can do.

It means that even after all that, Jesse Manes is still winning the battle in his head.

Michael is looking at him like he’s lost his mind. It’s what makes Alex’s mind up more than anything, He removes his sweater and walks over to Michael, taking his hand and putting it over his heart. It’s now or never.

“Mark me, Michael,” Alex whispers in the air between them, desperately suppressing the flinch when Michael sucks in a breath and looks at him in even more shock. It’s the first time he’s called him Michael in 10 years. “If I can’t tell you, if my telling you doesn’t make you believe it, then mark me. Let me show you, so you know.”

“Alex-”

“No. I know the consequences, but you can block the bond, I know you can. Just. Please. Let me show you.”

They stand there, for minutes, an hour, a lifetime. Alex doesn’t know how long, he doesn’t care. All he cares about his Michael’s palm against his chest, the hazel eyes searching his, the deep steady breathing he’s doing so he doesn’t panic.

He’s close, when he feels the warmth against his chest. He looks down to see Michael’s hand glowing red, thinks that in another situation it might be beautiful, life changing.

He doesn’t have time to think more of it, as the connection snaps into place. He gasps as Michael fills his head. Pain, anger, frustration, chaos and entropy. All the things he knows make up Michael Guerin. He doesn’t look deeper, this isn’t for him. Instead he pushes his emotions onto Michael, tries to show him the love, tries to show him the affection, the happiness, the joy he has always found in Michael.

He tries to show him the pain he felt whenever he had to leave, he tries to show him the shame he felt everytime he let his dad get into his brain, he tries to show him the anger and devastation he felt every time he didn’t call Michael, every time he missed him, every time he wondered if this was the day he died without telling Michael how he feels.

He tries to show him how much he loves him, that he’s still in love with him. That he never stopped, and probably never will.

He stumbles when Michael wrenches himself away from him, breathing heavily and shaking his head as he backs up against the wall that separates the living room from the kitchen.

“No. You don’t feel that for me.”

Alex doesn’t say anything, just locks his knees and keeps standing.

“Alex! Tell me that’s a lie!”

He still doesn’t say anything. He still just keeps standing.

“It’s not true! Tell me it’s not true!”

“Michael,” he finally replies. “I never looked away. And I won’t, ever.”

Michael looks at him, eyes wide, still breathing heavily, still shaking his head. Alex feels the bond snap, a wall slamming down on his side of the feelings. He can still feel Michael, but he knows Michael can’t feel him.

“No. Just, no.”

And with that Michael storms out of the cabin. Alex hears his truck start, hears it back out of the driveway and drive away and a furious speed. He feels the anger from Michael, well aware of the fact that he’s going to be feeling it for a week. It’s okay, he’ll live with it.

He sits down carefully on the floor of his kitchen, and calls for Buffy. She comes bounding into the room and comes right over, licking his hand as she gets close. He doesn’t let himself cry until she’s safely situated in his lap.

[pastelwitchling]

Brother in Arms Chapters: 1/2

Also on ao3 ❤

***

               It was past midnight at the Pony when Alex got the call.

               Michael was at the counter, coming in and out of Isobel and Maria’s conversation as he scanned the bar, looking for one particular man who said he’d try to come in late. Because they did that now. Offhandedly mention whether or not they were likely to see each other. It was a nice change of pace.

               Michael straightened in his seat when he saw Alex finally come in, his hair windswept, his shoulders scrunched against the cold outside. He caught his eyes, and Alex smiled softly, weaving through the crowd towards him.

               “Hi,” Michael said.

               “Hey,” Alex murmured, his cheeks and nose red from the cold. They held each other’s gaze for several long seconds before Alex looked down, tugging off his scarf. Progress.

               Michael cleared his throat and adjusted himself slightly on his chair, subtly scooting closer to Alex, to get a whiff of his vanilla scent, to feel the roughness of his jeans against his own. Alex seemed to notice and he turned slightly so that his left knee just barely grazed Michael’s.

               Michael began to smile until he noticed the slight tension in Alex’s shoulders, the pinch of his brows, the pensive purse of his lips.

               He looked back over his shoulder at Isobel and Maria, and when he was sure they wouldn’t be overheard, said, “You okay?”

               “Yeah,” he said on a sigh. “Just feel a little off, don’t know why.”

               “Maybe you’re just tired from work?”

               Alex hummed, unconvinced. “Maybe.”

               For the next half-hour, Michael tried getting Alex to smile in earnest. He kept close to him, listening to his day and telling him all about his own. He pretended to swoon (absolutely not actually swooning on the inside) when Alex mentioned his team following his orders, and made a sexual innuendo about Alex’s commands and authority. At one point, he even got a laugh from Alex that made his heart flutter in an embarrassing way that he swore never to mention aloud to anyone.

               Michael was sure he looked like a lovesick idiot, smiling at Alex like he did when they were seventeen and he had managed to make the emo kid giggle, but he didn’t care. Moments like these, when they got to just be happy to have each other, weren’t as common as Michael wanted them to be. Some words were still too hard to say, and some confessions still stuck in Michael’s throat, keeping him frozen when he longed more than anything to cling to Alex and never let him go.

               But if he’d known the kind of call Alex would get in the next few minutes, he would’ve held on and kept him on that stool, kept him from picking up. He would’ve taken him to the airstream, and they would’ve gotten lost in each other’s touch, a night they probably wouldn’t have talked about the next morning, if only to give him one more night of peace.

               But how could he have predicted, when Alex’s phone had rung, the way Alex’s smile would dim at the sight of the caller on the screen? The way panic would cross his expression, however trained he was to hide it? The way his jaw would clench and he’d mutter an excuse under his breath to take his call outside? How could Michael have predicted coming out onto the Wild Pony’s back porch to see Alex sitting on the front step, numbly writing out a date and address in Nashville?

               “Okay, Katie,” he said into his phone. “Yeah. . . . Eleven. . . . Mm.”

               Michael heard crying on the other end of the line. Alex listened silently, staring at the address he’d written, mindlessly underlining it over and over, the pen tearing into the paper. Alex didn’t seem to notice.

               Michael heard muffled voices, Alex responded with, “I’m going right now. I’ll see you in the morning,” and he hung up.

               Michael swallowed. “Alex?”

               Alex didn’t looked around at him. “Air Force buddy,” he said, and sniffled. “That was his sister.”

               Michael’s shoulders fell. There was only one reason Alex’s military buddy’s family would be calling. He came to sit down beside him.

               “Private –”

               “I need to pack,” he said, standing. His eyes were dry, his tone calculating. “Get some things ready.” He was already typing something on his phone, and Michael followed to find a list of flights to Nashville.

               “O-Okay,” Michael tried. “I can drive you –”

               “If anybody asks, can you just tell them I’ll be out of town for a few days?” he said, eyes on his phone, his other hand stuffing the piece of paper into his pocket.

               “Uh – yeah, but, Alex –”

               “Thanks, Guerin,” he said, climbing into his car. Michael’s mouth hung open on a silent sentence as Alex drove away.

               *

               It was a freezing late morning in Nashville, as if even the weather was lamenting the loss of a great man. Alex sat a few chairs down from Katie and her mother, both pairs of blue eyes filled with tears. The sun caught off Katie’s blonde hair, turning it gold, just as Scott’s used to be.

               Scott had joined the military a week before Alex had. He had been a ball of light and energy the day he’d arrived, catching Alex’s eyes with a smile and sticking by his side ever since. Alex, who had wanted to keep his head down and get the work done, to rise in ranks with the sole purpose of defeating those who thought they could beat him down, was taken hostage by this man’s piercing blue eyes and his kind voice.

               “You and me, Manes,” he’d said that first night, taking the bed beside Alex’s, “we’re brothers.”

               “I don’t need another brother,” Alex had murmured, glad for the dark that hid his blush.

               Scott had smiled. “Then I’ll be more.”

               And he had been. It felt strange to go through the months of basics, feeling like part of him was missing unless Scott was there. This blond, disastrous, one-man hurricane had been the same way; always a little more out of control, always a little easier to slip up, always scolded more by the sergeant unless Alex was there to reel him in. He’d been, in every way, Alex’s opposite. As they had lain on their stomachs one night, Alex had told him as much.

               “Which makes it all the more incredible how much we connect,” Scott had said. He’d had a fondness in his eyes then that Alex had pretended not to notice. “That’s us, Manes, just like I’d said we’d be. More.”

               When Alex had left, they’d kept in touch as much as they were able. A call here, a letter there. Neither of them ever feeling like they were separated at all. No “I miss you”s, just ventures relayed and heartaches confessed.

               “Next time I see you, I’ll have a word with that cowboy of yours,” Scott had told him on their last discreet phone call. Alex had laughed and asked him when that visit would come.

               “Soon,” Scott had promised. “I’ll come running home to you, brother.”

               As Alex watched them lower the black coffin into the ground, those words echoed on repeat in his head. Scott’s team stood, saluting as the bugle played and Alex heard faint sniffles and cries behind him, all turned to background noise.

               It felt wrong. Knowing a force of nature like Scott Mason rested in a wooden box, the American flag folded and handed to his mother who clung to it now as if it was her son himself. Alex didn’t take his eyes off the coffin until it was thoroughly buried. People around him began to disperse, but Alex sat there, his fingers quickly growing numb with the cold.

               He buried his chin deeper into his scarf, Scott’s laugh in his ears. He would be returning to Roswell in a few hours.

               Would that be okay, Scott? he thought, hoping his friend could read his thoughts as he always managed to do, and answer him. If I left?

               He had yet to shed a tear, and felt a strange tingling in his chest, like something was building up to be released but couldn’t quite make it through the surface. He wondered if he should stop by his buddy’s favorite burger place around the street before he left, get a double cheeseburger with fries, and dip them in a milkshake.

               “Try it,” he’d encouraged him on their first leave. “You’ll thank me.”

               Alex blew a tiny breath, a white cloud forming before his face. He muttered, “Thanks, brother.”

               “Alex,” someone gasped, “what’d you do?”

               Alex looked up, blinking out of his thoughts. He realized almost everyone around them had gone, and Katie stood next to him now, her blue eyes looking down with worry. He followed her gaze and saw that he’d carved into the back of his hand with his thumb, a faint line of blood trickling down the torn skin.

               “Oh,” he said. He wiped his hand against his jacket as he stood. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

               Katie searched his face. Her lower lip trembled as she opened her mouth. “I –” she cleared her throat. “I can’t imagine what he meant to you.”

               Alex nodded. It’s not real, he thought. Scott’s fine. He’s not the kind of man who dies. I’m just having a nightmare. I’ll wake up, and my brother will be fine.

               Still, even as he thought so, he said, “Your brother loved you, Katie.”

               Her eyes filled with tears, and she sniffled as she roughly wiped her face. “He loved you, too.”

               Alex held out his arms, and Katie fell in against him, hugging his waist tightly enough to bruise. Alex only wished he could feel any of it.

                 There was to be a reception. Alex had insisted he would help take care of things while Scott’s mother, Ashley, tried to relax. She’d been frighteningly quiet since Alex had arrived two days ago, but Katie assured him that she spent the nights crying.

               “She’s letting it out,” she assured him. “Wears herself out half the time. I just don’t think she’s really processed it yet, but she’s getting there.”

               Hours later, after guests had gone, Alex found himself sitting amongst Scott’s immediate family. His mother and sister, his uncles and aunts and a few of his first cousins who were able to fly back into town on short notice.

               An untouched cup of wine sat in front of Alex on the table as his family laughed through their tears, recounting stories about Scott, memories of him as a kid, funny letters he’d send back so that none of them would ever worry about him.

               “He was a good man,” his uncle said gruffly, keeping his head down to hide his glistening eyes.

               Alex nodded, his heart still tingling strangely, not quite letting him breathe. “He was a hero,” he said, and was met with nods and “Hear Hear!”s and more tears. Alex wished he could cry. Why couldn’t he cry?

               “I remember when he brought you home, Alex,” Ashley said hoarsely, her smile faint. “I was so sure we were going to get some big news.”

               Katie scoffed half-heartedly, leaning her chin on her palm. “Mom made Scott’s favorite ribs and chocolate cupcakes. She was so proud he finally found someone. Then Scott told us you were just his friend, and she kept huffing through dinner.”

               The corner of Alex’s lips quirked up. “Sorry.”

               Ashley grasped Alex’s arm and gave it a tight squeeze. “Far as I’m concerned, sweetheart, you were the only one Scott ever really loved. I felt it in my bones.” Her smiled faded, and her chuckles turned to sobs. Her forehead came to rest on Alex’s shoulder, and he put a hand on her head, keeping her steady against him.

               The rest of the group dissolved into sniffles for the next hour. When Ashley had worn herself out and fallen asleep on the couch, Alex stood and grabbed his jacket.

               “You have a flight back to Roswell already?” Katie asked, stretching.

               He nodded. “I need to get back.”

               She managed a smirk. “To your cowboy?”

               He scoffed. “Anything else Scott told you?”

               “Just that you never wanted to go back to Roswell during your leaves,” she said. “Said you didn’t think anyone would care. You still think that?”

               Alex considered it, and it gave him a headache. He exhaled a soft chuckle. “I can’t think of much right now.”

               Her eyes were kind. “I understand.” She heaved a groan that cracked at the end. “Is it bad that I kind of want to fast forward to next year? When all of this is just a bad memory?”

               “No,” Alex said, pulling her in for another hug. He sighed against the top of her head. “It’s not bad at all.”

               “Don’t be a stranger, Alex,” she whispered into his shoulder. “You’re family, too.”

               A lump lodged itself in Alex’s throat. Try as he might, he couldn’t swallow it down. He said nothing as he held Katie tighter.

               *

               Michael, Gregory, and Flint met Alex at his house the day he came back to Roswell. Michael sat on the back of his truck as Gregory and Flint leaned against Gregory’s car. Flint’s arms were crossed, Gregory was checking his phone for calls, and Michael was pretending not to be nervous about Alex as he’d been days ago. He tapped his finger on the trunk bench, remembering that morning days ago when he’d come to Alex’s doorstep at the crack of dawn to offer a trip to the airport, and found the airman had already gone.

               He had no idea what to expect now. Isobel, Liz, and Maria had wanted to come see him, too, but Gregory had told them that it was better they not crowd him. Michael had gotten to come along for sheer insistence that he wouldn’t leave until he got to see Alex was safe and back in Roswell.

               “You heard from him since he got off the plane?” Flint asked at some point.

               “No,” was all Gregory said, and the brothers fell silent again. There seemed to be a weight that Michael couldn’t grasp, couldn’t touch and felt pushed down by anyway.

               A familiar car rounding the corner into the driveway yanked Michael from his thoughts. He came down from the bench, putting it up as he kept his eyes on Alex behind the steering wheel. He couldn’t discern his expression, even as he parked, opened his door, and pulled out his suitcase.

               “Hey,” Michael said, trying to keep his voice light. He was the only one to speak.

               Alex managed a press of his lips, his eyes spacing out almost at once. Michael held out his hand for his suitcase, and Alex seemed to realize too late that it had been taken from him. He touched Michael’s arm in thanks.

               Gregory and Flint seemed to know what to do better than Michael did, which apparently wasn’t much. Gregory patted Alex’s back with a sigh while Flint stayed behind them. Michael didn’t understand why until they’d gotten to the porch, Alex fishing for his keys, and his eyes suddenly fluttered. He swayed and Flint readily caught his arm, steadying him as if he’d been expecting it.

               Michael opened his mouth in a gasp, but Flint shook his head minutely. Don’t talk about it, he seemed to be saying. He won’t be able to answer you.

               Michael hesitated, fighting against every fiber of his being that longed to carry Alex inside himself so that he didn’t have to take another step on his own.

               Flint released Alex as soon as he was on his feet again, and Alex opened the door and walked on inside as if nothing had happened. Michael stayed close and set the suitcase beside Alex’s couch as he took a seat. Flint went to open the windows, letting in the light, while Gregory said he would go make them some tea.

               Michael sat down beside Alex, but Alex was staring into the distance, unseeing, his brows pinched slightly. Michael wanted to trace the path down the bridge of his nose, hoping it would ease whatever storm was raging in his head, but didn’t dare touch him.

               Flint leaned against the wall, looking out the window as rustling sounded from the kitchen. When Michael risked speaking again, his voice was barely above a whisper. “Are you hungry? I – I can go get you something.”

               But Alex was already shaking his head, waking with a deep inhale. “No, no, thanks, Guerin.”

               Flint tilted his head. “If you want him to stay here, Alex, I can go grab –”

               “I don’t have much of an appetite,” Alex said, and went back to staring at nothing.

               Flint nodded, unsurprised. “Yeah.”

               Gregory came back a few minutes later, holding a tray of four mugs.

               “Thanks,” Michael muttered as he handed him one. Alex hugged his with his hands.

               “Hey, hey,” Flint said, setting his cup down and gently prying Alex’s fingers from around the steaming ceramic. “You’ll burn yourself, brother.”

               “Hm? Oh.”

               Gregory sat down in the armchair across from the couch. He rested his elbows on his thighs, tapping a finger against his own mug. A few minutes of silence, then –

               “Alex,” he said, “do you want to . . . talk about –”

               “No,” Alex said at once. “I don’t, I – I can’t.” He didn’t seem angry or upset. Just tired. There was a numbness to his expression that almost scared Michael.

               He hesitated, then put a hand on Alex’s back. Then he dared to rub soothing circles, letting his eyes roam the airman, reassuring himself that Alex was okay. That was when he saw the line of dried blood on the back of his hand, his skin carved into and torn.

               “Alex,” he breathed, holding up his hand. “What happened?”

               “I don’t know,” Alex muttered, his brows furrowed as if just now remembering that this injury was here. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

               Michael gaped. “You did this to yourself?”

               Flint sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Leave it alone, Guerin.”

               “Manes –”

               “He’s fine,” Gregory said, his voice calm and intent. “It’s fine.”

               Michael wanted to argue, to demand if they were crazy, if they weren’t seeing what Michael was seeing. But Alex just let his hand fall from Michael’s and patted his shoulder consolingly as if he was the one that had lost a friend. And Michael’s words caught in his throat.

               Alex’s head fell back. He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes as he heaved a deep breath. “I . . . uh . . .” he sniffled, “you guys should go. I know you have work, I don’t want to keep you.”

               Michael frowned. “Alex . . .”

               He thought Gregory and Flint would definitely argue, that they’d refuse to leave their brother like this, but Gregory asked, “And you? You sure you don’t want one of us to get you something from the Crashdown?”

               Alex shook his head. “No, I’m just gonna . . . head to bed. I’m tired after the plane.”

               Flint nodded. “Okay. You have our numbers.”

               “I know.”

               “What? No,” Michael said, moving closer to Alex on the couch. “I’m staying here.”

               “Guerin,” Alex said. “I already told you, I’m –”

               “You’re not fine,” Michael nearly yelled.

               “Guerin –” Gregory tried.

               “He carved into his own skin! I’m staying!”

               “Okay,” Flint said, nudging his chin at the door. “Come with me. We need to talk.”

               Alex watched, only half-there, as Michael stood and followed Flint, hesitant to leave his airman at all.

               The second the door closed, Michael demanded, “He’s not okay.”

               “No kidding,” Flint frowned, a lot quieter than Michael was. “His brother just died, how do you think he’s doing?”

               He smirked humorlessly. “And you two just wanna leave him. Let him fend for himself. After all this time, you still don’t care about what happens to him, do you?”

               Flint tilted his head, eyes narrowed. “Who do you think Alex is? Some defenseless kid? You do realize he’s an Air Force Captain, right?”

               “Yeah, I know,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Big tough military man, I get it.”

               “No,” Flint said easily. “You don’t.” He pressed a finger to Michael’s chest. “Don’t pretend you know what losing a brother-in-arms is like, especially for someone like Alex. Someone like us. You have no idea the kind of weight that’s on our shoulders.”

               Michael faltered. He licked his lips. “All the more reason,” he said, “to stay with him.”

               Flint considered Michael, and began to chuckle. “Wow,” he said. “You really think that little of him?”

               Michael frowned. “He hurt himself.”

               “He didn’t do it on purpose,” Flint said, like that was supposed to be a reassurance. “You have no idea what he’s going through, but Greg and I do.”

               “But this guy –”

               “Yeah,” he sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. “Looks like this one was important. But he learned to live with it a long time ago. He’s not as broken as you think he is.”

               Michael couldn’t let it go so easily. He remembered too well a conversation he and Alex had had months ago, in his bunker.

               “I need to believe in a reason to stay.” What if this was it? The last straw? What if Alex was on a countdown?

               He swallowed. “I’m going back inside.”

               Flint grabbed his arm. Michael glared at him, but he was unrelenting. “Listen to me. I know you care about him –”

               “I love him,” Michael said fiercely. Flint’s gaze didn’t waver. Always as prepared for battle as Alex.

               When he spoke next, his words were quieter, but no less commanding. “Then let him breathe. I know Alex doesn’t always say what he means, but he means this. That captain in there is so much stronger than you think he is.”

               Michael glared. “I know Alex is strong.”

               To his surprise, Flint’s gaze slightly softened. He shook his head, as if Michael had completely missed the point. “That’s not what I just said, Guerin.”

               *

               Alex woke at twilight to find he’d fallen asleep on his couch, his clothes and prosthetic still on. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, and rubbed his eyes. He looked around, the pale light behind the blinds casting the house into dark shadows.

               He shouldn’t have, but Alex lied back down, staring at the ceiling with one hand covering the other on his stomach. He heard nothing but his own breathing, and then not even that.

               “Hey, Manes, have you ever been in love?”

               Alex closed his eyes against the memory, and immediately, his mind filled with images of himself and Scott laying on opposite sides of his bed, staring at another ceiling.

               He forced himself up again, furiously scrubbing his face. He sat there a second longer, staring at nothing and thinking of a mess of things, from what time he had to wake up tomorrow to errands he had to calls and texts and emails he probably had to answer –

               “Guerin,” he called faintly, and was answered with silence. His shoulders fell. Oh yeah . . . He had asked them to leave. He knew it was for the best, there wasn’t really anything he thought he could say to any of them, but just saying Michael’s name brought him a slight peace that he couldn’t explain and which vanished as quickly as it came when Alex couldn’t find him. That had happened a lot in the past decade.

               Scott’s smile came back to him. “That the cowboy I should be jealous of?”

               Alex exhaled shakily, and pushed past the memory. He changed into his sweats, took his prosthetic off, and curled up in bed. He lay awake under the covers for several minutes that felt like hours, cramming a million other things into his mind to force out the one thought that he knew he couldn’t handle right now, and eventually, the darkness had mercy on him, and sleep took over.

               *

               Michael wanted to be useful. He’d spent the past two days wandering the junkyard, finding things to do that didn’t really need doing, if only to keep moving. He may have broken down several cars and driven Sanders crazy, but he was losing his mind.

               At one point, he’d snapped, gotten in his truck, and made it halfway to Alex’s house before he came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the road and hit his forehead against the steering wheel.

               “That captain in there is so much stronger than you think he is.”

               “I know Alex is strong.”

               “That’s not what I just said, Guerin.”

               Michael clenched his jaw. “What does that mean?” he growled through grit teeth. Michael knew who Alex was, what he was. What did that matter?

               Michael all but slammed the gearshift back again, and turned a corner to the Project Shepherd bunker instead. If he couldn’t take care of Alex, he could at least get through some of the files they had waiting there, look into a few leads so Alex didn’t feel like he had to himself.

               The last thing Michael had been expecting when he’d pulled up to the hidden entrance was to find a familiar car parked there already. His heart leapt into his throat, and he almost stepped out of the truck without turning it off.

               He wrenched the door open, and came down the stairs to find the white lights already on. Alex was at the far end of the bunker, typing at a computer. Michael stopped, staring.

               Alex glanced up and gave him a quick, small smile. He was surrounded with open files, more than half of them marked. He shrugged a shoulder. “They gave me a week leave,” he said. “Figured I’d get something done.”

               Michael didn’t know where to start. Are you any better? Have you slept? Did you want me to stay?

               In the end, he managed a quirk of his lips and a light, “Don’t you military men ever rest?” He pulled up a chair next to Alex. “Oh, wait, don’t tell me. ‘I don’t know what rest means, Guerin. I can go for weeks, Guerin. I don’t actually need to be on leave, Guerin.’”

               He smiled, but Alex did not seem amused, his eyes unmoving from the screen. “No,” he said simply. “I definitely need it. Way I’m feeling, I might just end up shooting anybody in a uniform.”

               Michael faltered. Alex’s tone was light, but something in his eyes darkened, something frightening that Michael wasn’t used to seeing on his airman’s face. He hesitated, then, because he wanted to do something and didn’t know what, he reached out and covered Alex’s hand with his own.

               Alex didn’t smile or look at Michael. Instead, he turned his hand over in Michael’s and gripped his fingers so tightly his knuckles turned white.

               Michael tilted his head, trying to discern his thoughts. “Alex?”

               He blinked. “Hm?”

               “About . . . uh . . . that Mason guy –”

               “Shh, shhh,” he shook his head, his eyes shut tight. “We don’t have to talk about that, I don’t want to talk about that.”

               Michael stared. If he wasn’t so aware of Alex’s every move, of every inch of the airman’s skin that touched his own, he might’ve missed the way Alex’s fingers slightly trembled in his. But he was, so he didn’t.

               He swallowed and nodded. He pulled Alex’s head in towards his with his other hand, and kissed his forehead.

               “Okay, baby,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

               Alex’s grip did not loosen, his eyes did not open, his breathing did not calm for two whole minutes. Michael raised his other hand to rest between Alex’s shoulder blades, running up and down his spine, turning his nose into Alex’s hair and inhaling his scent.

               Alex turned his head slightly so that Michael’s lips hovered above his. Michael’s eyes fell to Alex’s mouth, his own falling open. He could feel Alex’s hot breath against his bottom lip. His own breathing quickened as he thought about fitting his mouth against Alex’s, tasting his tongue, running a hand up his shirt and feeling his naked skin as he hadn’t gotten to do in over a year.

               Michael wanted to be useful, and Alex always seemed able to breathe better when they were together. Maybe this would be useful. That, and Michael just really, really wanted it.

               Somehow, as he always did, Alex was able to read his mind. His dark, hooded eyes looked up at Michael through long lashes. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.

               “You want to help me feel better, Guerin?”

               Michael’s eyes fluttered as he nodded, entranced. He leaned in, their mouths open. His breathing turned more and more ragged as the soft press of Alex’s lips against his own filled his gut with a fire. It had been too long since he’d gotten to touch.

               Against Michael’s lips, Alex whispered, “Then help me,” and slowly closed their mouths in a kiss.

               Michael’s eyes fell shut and a moan escaped his lips as he kissed Alex again, then again. He reached up, taking Alex’s face in his hands as he tilted his head, devouring his mouth.

               “Baby,” he breathed against Alex’s lips between kisses, unable and unwilling to keep it in.

               Alex whimpered at the nickname, and the sound spurred Michael on. Alex took Michael’s wrists, as if silently begging him not to leave. As if Michael would ever go anywhere.

               “I,” Alex managed, “I want more. Touch me, Guerin.”

               Michael looked at Alex then. His expression was filled with lust, his lips kiss-swollen, making Michael’s cock twitch in his jeans. He bit his lower lip, kissed Alex again, and nodded.

               “Okay,” he said. “Okay, let’s get back to the airstream –”

               But Alex was already shaking his head, moving out of his chair. He worked on the buttons of his jeans, and without any hesitation at all, pushed them and his underwear down, revealing his half-hard length. Michael’s mouth fell open, his tongue darting out to lick his lips, imagining the taste of Alex on his tongue.

               “Now,” he panted. “I want you now.”

               Alex climbed onto Michael’s lap, his naked, smooth, hairy skin against the hard fabric of Michael’s jeans. Michael was fully hard now as his hands slowly rose up Alex’s thighs, reveling in the touch of his warm skin and imagining his body against his own. Then Alex undid the first two buttons of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the ground. He was now completely naked as he straddled Michael, down to his toes. Michael was sure he would die.

               Alex took Michael’s face in his hands, crashing their mouths together. He moaned against Michael’s lips as he grinded into his hardened, clothed cock.

               “C’mon,” he breathed, his nimble fingers working on Michael’s belt. “Take them off. I want you to fuck me hard.”

               “Alex,” Michael groaned, and in one rough tug, managed to tear off his belt. He pushed his pants and underwear down, releasing himself. As soon as his cock rubbed against Alex’s, his eyes rolled back into his head and he all but screamed.

               “I’m ready,” Alex said between hard, wet, open kisses. He ran a hand up Michael’s stomach, his chest, scratching through the trail of hair and digging his nails into Michael’s nipples. “Please, Guerin. Fuck me.”

               “Yeah,” Michael breathed. “Yeah.” And he did as he’d fantasized doing for the past year. He aligned his cock to Alex’s hole with one hand, his other coming around to grab Alex’s ass, feeling his soft skin in his hands.

               Alex choked on a scream as Michael took him in all the way, his hands gripping Michael’s face tightly against his neck where Michael got to bite and suck and lick and kiss as much as he wanted. When the airman was ready, Michael thrusted softly, not wanting to hurt him.

               But Alex pressed his lips against Michael’s ear and commanded, “Harder, baby. I want to feel you for days.”

               The thought was enough to erase all other from Michael’s mind, and he wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist, his other still gripping Alex’s cheek as he thrusted up hard, Alex coming down just as roughly, as eagerly.

               Alex came a split second before Michael, and only through Michael’s sheer force of will that Alex enjoy it for as long as possible that he managed to keep himself from letting go in those first few seconds. They breathed heavily into the small space between them, and Michael leaned in, taking Alex’s lips in long, lazy kisses.

               Alex was still running a hand through Michael’s curls, making his eyes flutter. When their breaths evened and Alex’s movements slowed, Michael looked up to find his airman staring at his chest, his brows pinched together slightly. His eyes were unfocused.

               Michael felt a fear he’d almost forgotten about climb into his throat now. He swallowed it down, and put his fingers under Alex’s chin, lifting his gaze.

               “Hey,” he whispered, moving his hand to cup Alex’s jaw, his thumb caressing his cheek. “Look at me, baby. Look at me, I’m right here.”

               “Um,” Alex said and cleared his throat, closing his eyes as if trying to wake himself from his haze. His fists laid curled against Michael’s chest. He brought his head down, his forehead against Michael’s chin as he exhaled shakily. He looked around. “My clothes, I –”

               “I’ve got ‘em,” Michael said immediately, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt. He’d wanted to stay with Alex like this, naked and holding each other, a little longer. Instead, he used his powers to bring Alex’s clothes right up to him.

               But before he got dressed, Alex curled in against Michael, pressing his nose to Michael’s cheek, his lips brushing the cowboy’s jaw. Michael wrapped his arms around him, taking his chance to press light kisses to Alex’s bare shoulder.

               Alex seemed to need a second to straighten his spine and brace himself before he grabbed his clothes from midair and pulled them on. He gently moved off Michael so that he could do the same, and when they were both dressed, Michael grabbed a file, not knowing what else to do. He kept glancing at Alex who was staring at his computer screen, his fist against his lips as he seemed too distracted to keep doing whatever he was doing.

               Finally, Michael couldn’t take it anymore, and he said, “Tell me what to do.”

               He knew he sounded desperate, his demand more of a plea, but he didn’t care. Because Alex wasn’t acting like Alex, and he was breaking, but he wasn’t breaking, and it was all very scary and not where Michael wanted his airman to be.

               Alex frowned. “Do?”

               “To fix this,” he said, and winced at how stupid it sounded. But he couldn’t stop himself. “O-Or make it . . . I don’t know, easier. Tell me what I have to do, I’ll do anything, Alex.”

               Alex’s look was unreadable as Michael held his gaze. Then something shifted, something turned sadder, and suddenly, it was Alex who held Michael. “I feel like there’s a hole in my chest, Michael. And it’ll never heal.” His lips quirked in a soft, helpless smile. “And there’s no fixing that.”

               Michael watched, speechless and unable to do anything as Alex closed his laptop with a sigh, put his hands in his pockets, and made his way out of the bunker.

               *

               Alex finished scrubbing down his counter, and looked up, wiping sweat off his brow with the back of his hand. The kitchen, like his living room, bedroom, guestroom, and bathrooms, was spotless. The sky outside the window was pitch black, the wind still rustling through the empty branches and the yellow, dead grass. The world still turning, and not turning at all.

               Alex’s phone on the table behind him buzzed, the screen lighting with new messages. Alex picked it up, scanning the texts. Flint said he would meet him at the Pony tomorrow night after they were both done at the base for drinks, Gregory said he’d be bringing over lunch so they could eat together, Clay left him a voicemail, telling him to call when he had the chance. It was Liz and Maria who asked if he was okay, if he needed them to come over right away.

               Alex asked them not to. His brothers hadn’t asked if he was okay. He was grateful; he didn’t have an answer right now. He felt like he never might.

               “Miss me already, Manes?”

               Alex shut his eyes. The edges of his phone dug into his palms. The last phone call he and Scott had had, what had they said? He didn’t remember the exact conversation. Shouldn’t he have remembered?

               But no. There was a moment from their last meeting that stuck in his mind.

               “Start counting down, brother,” Scott had told him, a whispered eagerness in his voice. “I’m coming to Roswell next. You just tell me who I need to beat up.”

               “What’re you coming here for?” Alex had said. “I’ll come see you wherever you want. Just pick anywhere else.”

               “No,” Scott had said more softly. “No more running, Manes.”

               “A drive,” Alex said, hoping the sound of a voice, even if it was his own, would keep the memories at bay. “I need a drive.”

                 The drive wasn’t helping. Alex had the window open, the icy wind biting his face and burning his eyes. Alex’s hands were clenched painfully tight around the steering wheel, his fingers numb with cold. His jaw was clenched, that small trickling in his chest turned to painful hammering now.

               Scott’s letters. I’ll never get them again. His secret phone calls. That phone will never ring now. And he had been planning to come to Roswell. I should’ve brought him sooner. All the days on leave, I should’ve brought him. Roswell would’ve been better with him here.

               “I should’ve brought him,” Alex said, his words breaking in his own ears.

               Alex clenched his jaw, and pressed harder on the gas pedal. Scott would never see Roswell now, would never meet his friends, or know Michael. Places Alex could’ve taken him, the stars he could’ve shown him. They were brighter in Roswell than anywhere else in the world. And now his brother would never see them.

               Headlights. Alex saw a pair of headlights far ahead, the large truck driving, for some reason, on the wrong lane. Or was Alex on the wrong one? It didn’t matter. He didn’t move. The gas pedal was on the floor of the car now.

               As the truck neared, the headlights growing larger, brighter, the thought kept coming to Alex; if he could see Scott again, if all the pain and loss would finally end, it would all be okay. That was what he wanted, right? To stop the pain?

               BEEP BEEEEEEP!

               “No more running, Manes.”

               Alex gasped, the realization of what he was doing hitting him like an explosion, and he wrenched the steering wheel aside at the last second. The car slowly came to a stop as the angry trucker’s honks faded into the distance behind him.

               Alex’s trembling hands fell off the steering wheel as he slumped in his seat. Tears streamed down his face, his own ragged breathing like thunder in his ears in the silence around him.

               He didn’t want to do this alone. Not this time. His hands still shaking, Alex turned the ignition back on.

               *

               Michael couldn’t sleep. He’d been tossing in his bed the past several hours before he’d given up on the idea of resting, and he went down to his bunker to tinker instead. He kept running into dead ends there, too.

               When he’d tried and failed to solve a calculated projection for the eighth time, he’d had enough. His mind was flooded with thoughts of Alex, his dark eyes, his quiet words, his naked body and the way he’d curled against Michael, eager to stay close.

               Michael let the pen fall from his hands. He needed to go to the Pony. Maybe he could get really drunk and forget that, somewhere in his house, Alex was probably locking himself out of his own mind, breaking apart and unwilling to let anyone near him. Because that was what it meant to be a military captain, right? Weather the storm alone? Prove that you were tougher than everyone else? Alex just didn’t need anybody because he’d been through so much worse, was that it?

               The thought had him shaking. He pulled his shirt over his head as soon as he’d made it up the ladder. He thought he’d throw any somewhat clean clothes on and go drown his sorrows in a glass . . . then a car pulled up into the junkyard.

               The low beams dimmed as the driver’s door opened. It was Alex. The lights turned off, and the moonlight revealed his tear-streaked face, his lower lip trembling, his chest rising and falling as if he could barely breathe. And Michael could see and think of nothing and no one else.

               A sob escaped Alex’s lips, and Michael exhaled sharply before running to him. They met in the middle, Alex’s arms around Michael’s shoulders as he cried into the crook of his neck. Michael held him tightly enough that it should’ve hurt, but he didn’t care. He brought a hand up Alex’s neck to rest in the soft strands of his hair, his body trembling. Michael held him tighter.

               “I’m right here,” Michael whispered into his neck. “I’m right here, baby.”

               Alex wept as Michael had never heard before, his nails clawing into Michael’s back. Michael closed his eyes, reveling in the sting. Because it meant Alex was here, with him, safe and far away from what had taken his brother-in-arms.

               “I – I want to see him,” Alex cried. “Just one more time, I want to see him.”

               “Shh,” Michael said, rubbing his back soothingly. “Shh, baby, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

               Alex buried his face against Michael’s skin, the sounds of his cries in the dark, silent night shattering Michael’s heart, one crack at a time.

                 In seconds, Michael had the bonfire started. Long after Alex had turned silent, Michael swaying them left and right, he led the airman to a chair and let him soak in the flames. He had his elbows rested on his thighs when Michael came back out, after hurriedly shoving a shirt on, and handed him a bottle.

               Alex took it with a murmur of thanks and downed half of it in one gulp. Michael pulled his chair closer and sat down next to him. And he waited.

               After a long while of staring into the fire, the gold and orange flames reflected in his dark eyes, Alex quietly said, “I never know what to say. When this happens.” He shook his head. “It’s a repeat, but none of them are the same. You know? Scott wasn’t . . .” he faltered, and closed his eyes, exhaling shakily.

               His eyes glistened and he wiped the back of his hand against his nose before he went on, “They’re not lumped in together, you know? I remember each of their faces, I remember everything. And I felt it, I – I felt it coming. I know you don’t think it’s possible, but I did. Because he was part of me, I felt it.”

               Michael swallowed. “He sounded special.”

               Alex’s eyes filled with tears that fell before he could stop them. “He was so good. So brave.” He huffed a sad chuckle. “You would’ve liked him. I mean –” another sniffle “—he hit on me all the time, so I don’t think you would’ve loved him, but . . . you would’ve really liked him, Guerin.” He shook his head. “I should’ve introduced you, I should’ve done so much more for him.”

               Michael reached over, gripping Alex’s forearm. “Hey. That’s not on you.”

               Alex sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yes, it is, Guerin. You live with that. Knowing that your family’s on a time limit that’s usually a lot shorter than most people’s. And when it comes, all you can think of is the time you wasted. You don’t know what the good side is anymore, and eventually, they all become enemies because they all kept you apart.”

               He huffed, ducking his head as another tear fell. “It’s . . .”

               “A lot of weight to carry,” Michael finished, remembering Flint’s words. How much Alex had on his shoulders . . .

               And suddenly, as Michael watched this beautiful man, carrying himself only by the memories of the people that had become a part of his heart, by the love he had for this family he’d created for himself, he realized how far apart he and Alex actually were.

               He leaned in as a tear rolled down Alex’s cheek, as he was too weary to wipe it away. Michael kissed it, and Alex looked up.

               “You’re so . . . grown up,” he whispered. “Tell me what to do. Please, Alex, tell me what to do.” Tell me what to do to keep you.

               Alex’s considered him. Then he tugged at Michael’s arm until Michael was against him. Alex rested his head against his shoulder. “Just let me touch you,” he breathed, “for a little longer.”

               Michael wrapped Alex in his arms and held him tightly, one hand going up and down his arm, his other hand sliding into his hair. Alex’s hand came up Michael’s chest, as if eager to feel under his shirt, to have that skin-on-skin contact that reassured them like little else did.

               “Let me keep you,” Michael whispered into Alex’s hair.

               Alex turned his face into Michael’s shoulder. His grip tightened on the cowboy’s body, and for a second, Michael thought he would say yes. Then –

               “I should get back.”

               Michael’s face fell. “I – I take it back,” he said quickly, “I just want you to stay the night –”

               But Alex kissed his jaw softly, then the corner of his mouth, then his lips, effectively silencing him.

               When he pulled back, he was cupping Michael’s cheek. “I have work tomorrow,” he said. “All my things are back at the house. Okay?”

               Michael nodded, and kissed Alex one more time before letting him up. “I’ll drive you,” he said.

               Alex managed a smile. “My car’s here.”

               “Then we’ll go in yours.”

               “Then you’ll be stuck with me.”

               “Yes, please,” Michael breathed, taking hold of Alex’s waist again.

               Alex huffed a laugh which quickly turned to a cry. He turned away, covering his face with one hand. When he looked up again, his smile was weak and his eyes were rimmed red.

               “I – uh – think I just need to be alone.”

               Michael wished he could be angry, frustrated. But instead, all he felt was fear. Alex didn’t seem stubborn to him anymore, just . . . far away. Why? What had changed?

               “Hey,” Alex said softly, and pulled him in for another kiss. “I’ll be back. I need you, too.”

               Michael swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Yeah,” he whispered. But I have no idea how to help you. I don’t even think I know who you are.

               “Alex, I . . .” I love you. He’d almost said it. He’d wanted to. But Alex was heartbroken and lost, and that wasn’t what he needed to hear right now. Instead, Michael pulled Alex in one more time, kissing him hungrily.

               “I’d do anything for you,” he panted against his lips when they pulled apart again.

               Alex nodded, his forehead pressed against Michael’s, and he roughly wiped at his eyes with his forearm before he turned to leave. Michael watched him walk away, already freezing at the loss of his touch. What was wrong with him? What was it that felt so off this time?

               “Because he was part of me, I felt it.”

               Was that what this was? No, it was different. Michael couldn’t begin to list the ways, but it was different. Alex gave him a soft smile before he climbed into the driver’s seat and disappeared.

               The man that made music and smiled blushingly whenever Michael kissed him, and the man that held the world on his shoulders, always one crack away from shattering completely. They’d always been the same to Michael, but something had changed now.

               He had once confessed that he couldn’t get used to seeing Alex in his uniform. At the time, he’d played it off as a joke, though something in his heart had stung at the image. And he’d never understood why. Now he did.

               “He’s mine,” he said before he could help himself. The silence of the night threatened to engulf him, to keep him quiet. Alex, after all, belonged to a different world. He had a life and identity outside of Roswell, outside of Project Shepherd and music and aliens that had no place for a temperamental, telekinetic cowboy.

               Michael didn’t care. He didn’t know where he fit in with all of this, and the painful thudding of his heart served to betray his true fears of never being allowed to belong to the airman, but he didn’t care.

               “He’s mine,” he kept repeating, hoping that the words would be enough to make it real. “Alex belongs with me. He’s mine.”

***

I’m exhausted! I might be sharing an IG with y’all soon for my writing/reading. Just in case anyone would like to follow something like that 💖

[andrea-lyn]

Hey! So birthday request 🎂☺️(I am Shameless).So I was thinking since Alex Met Michael ‘s mum,can you please do an Alex taking Michael to meet his(Alex’s) mom fic?and Kyle tagging along because now they are the road trip trio and he says he is Alex’s best man.

(I’m sorry that this is so much of a belated birthday gift, but a bunch came in before, but I hope this works for you even if it is no longer your bday)

**

“I don’t know about this.”

Alex glances to the passenger side of the car, trying to surreptitiously check that the locks of the car are on for the fourth time. After all, the last thing he needs is Michael tucking and rolling out of the car because he’s panicking. “Michael,” he sighs, glancing in the rearview mirror. “How come you’re not helping?” he demands, of Valenti. “What are you even here for?”

“The entertainment, mostly,” Valenti quips.  

Michael is in the middle of what might be an actual panic attack and Valenti is about to eat popcorn. Alex pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders what he did to deserve this, never mind that he’d been the one to actually request this happen.

It’s Mother’s Day and after the disastrous events at Caulfield two years ago and everything that’s happened since, Alex didn’t think it would be smart to leave Michael alone on the day.

Maybe he’s just trying to fool everyone. Maybe it’s because Alex is going to visit his mother in person for the first time in years, because after he’d called her to ask about Jesse’s habits, she’d ended the call saying that he should come see her sometime.

He’d made a promise and now he intends to keep it.

It feels like if he doesn’t, it’s not only him making his mother upset, but somehow undermining Michael as well, who’ll never get a chance to visit his mother again, thanks to Jesse Manes’ legacy. The very least Alex can do is offer him something else, even if it’s second best.

His mother lives out in the middle of nowhere, off the grid. Alex had helped erase her information so that certain people (specifically his father) couldn’t find her once he got old enough and had tracked her down.

She’d explained it wasn’t the boys she wanted to hide from, but Jesse.

They’ve been talking lately and he’d mentioned wanting to introduce her to his boyfriend, which she had eventually come around to. Alex suspects that she’s anticipating another military boy, someone that reminds her of Jesse. She’s going to be so damn surprised.

“Michael,” Alex says, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “It’s okay. She’s gonna love you. You’re nothing like anyone I was around growing up. That’ll do it alone.”

“So, be the anti-Manes?” Kyle quips.

Alex raises both brows and shrugs, because, “Yeah. Kind of.”

That seems to relax Michael a little. Alex isn’t so sure that he’s as relaxed, but he’s burying it down deep. He’s never brought anyone home and it’s for obvious reasons with his father, but with his mother, it almost felt like cowardice. Not bringing Michael or anyone else felt like he could keep his heart safe in the process.

He’s not so sure he wants safe, now.

Pulling into a long, winding driveway, he knows that there’s no turning around at this point. They’re here and his mother is expecting them. To leave now would be an act of cowardice so grand, so awful, so terrifying that he suspects he’d have to go months without speaking to his mother as a consequence.

Besides, he wants her to meet Michael.

The three most important people in the world to him are within a mile of each other right now – mother, boyfriend, best friend – and Alex has never felt safer or more panicked at the same time.

“Okay,” Alex says, and parks the car. “We’re here.”

Here goes nothing.

*

When Alex is making his way to the porch of the little bungalow, Michael weighs the merits of running away. He’d have to live off the land in the desert, sure, but then he won’t have to worry about being a disappointment to anyone’s mother (especially seeing as he doesn’t even have a shot of being with his own).

Of course, there’s one looming doctor-shaped issue in his way.

“Don’t even think about it,” Valenti warns, like somehow he’s learning mind-reading tricks from Isobel.

“What? I was just…” Michael trails off, when he hears low voices at the porch. He straightens up his posture, aware that he’s not going to get out of this, and if that’s the case, then he needs to make sure he doesn’t fuck this up.

Michael Guerin, Earner of Parent’s Trust isn’t a trait that he ever thought he’d possess, but for Alex, he’s got to try.

“You were just debating running away. I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m here. Got to make sure you don’t make a break for it.”

He’s lurking back here because he doesn’t think that he can muster up the courage to get over there until Alex either deliberately drags him or his presence is requested. “I’m not exactly the kind of guy mothers like.” It’s an understatement. Michael’s not the kind of guy any parents like, from his interaction with adults as a kid.

Valenti clearly isn’t impressed by his little ‘woe is me’ parade.

”You know how hard it is for him to come out here and face her. It only happens when something is important,” Valenti says. “He doesn’t like bothering her, but ever since Caulfield, I swear, he brings this up on a weekly basis. He’s always asking me if I think you two should come out here and look. It’s mother’s day and he wants to spend it with you and with her.”

”Also, you,” Michael feels compelled to point out.

”Yeah, notice how I’m the one talking you off the ledge? Alex knew he’d need the backup,” Valenti boasts. “Is this about your Mom?”

They really, really, really don’t talk about this often, but Valenti knows the gist of what happened in that prison. He knows that Michael had lost his family that day and that his mother had been one of them. What’s been weird, honestly, is the fact that Valenti gets it.

After all, they both lost parents to Caulfield.

”I don’t want to think that she can replace her,” Michael admits, feeling feeble for the way he sounds as he speaks, “and at the same time, I don’t wanna be the ingrate boyfriend who doesn’t see how much Alex is doing to make this happen for us. It’s just, how is she supposed to replace my Mom? How can I even think that when I don’t even know my Mom?”

”You won’t find that out standing out here,” Valenti says.

Michael breathes in and out, staring at the daunting bungalow in front of him.

”Do or do not…” Valenti intones.

”Oh, fuck you, I knew showing you Star Wars was a mistake,” Michael groans, but it has the effect of breaking the tension, making him huff out a laugh as he nods his head. “Yeah, I got it. There’s no try.” He’s just gotta do this and he knows it’ll turn out fine.

He still can’t help worrying.

”Michael,” Alex calls, ducking out onto the porch. He’s smiling like the sun is shining on him and he’s waving for the both of them to come inside. He looks so happy and Michael isn’t about to ruin that by running away. “Come inside, lunch is ready.”

Valenti claps him on the shoulder, putting his hands on both of them like he’s intending to steer him inside if Michael doesn’t go on his own volition.

”You can do this,” Valenti encourages.

”I can at least try,” Michael admits. “For Alex.”

”For Alex.”

*

Michael sits in the truck, full of lunch, tea and cookies, still feeling the tightness of Alex’s mother’s embrace as she’d hugged him so tightly to say goodbye, refusing to let him go until he’d relaxed. He hates that he’d tensed, but his experience with the Manes family, outside of Alex, has been resoundingly stressful.

She’d been kind and warm and welcoming. She’d been the complete opposite of Jesse, and he’s starting to understand why she’d run away so early in Alex’s life.

“So, did she…” Michael trails off, hating how small his voice sounds. “Do you think she liked me?”

Alex gives Michael a fond smile. “She did ask when I was going to ask that nice boy to marry me,” is his wry comment. “She’s hard to put off when she knows that I’ve been in love with the same guy for over twelve years, not to mention the part where we live together. As far as she’s concerned, that’s inevitable.”

Michael feels his cheeks go hot, because he’d liked her, too.

It’s not that he’s ever had a mother figure to compare her to, but she’d been sweet and warm with her love, while also having a firmness and a backbone of steel – but then, he supposes you’d have to, in order to leave Jesse Manes, because that takes guts.

”I liked her too,” he mumbles, staring out the window so Alex can’t see the vulnerability on his face. “Do you think we could turn this into a regular thing? I know she doesn’t like coming back to Roswell, but I don’t mind driving out here, if that’s what we’d need to do.”

From the way Alex practically radiates relief and joy, it’s definitely the right thing to say.

”I think we can manage,” he agrees, tugging Michael towards him for a slow kiss that makes

“Come on, let’s hit the road,” Valenti says, interrupting that beautiful moment, hopping in the back of the car, arms piled with leftovers. “I saw a 7-Eleven on the way back and I don’t know about you two, but I’m thinking Big Gulps.”

Okay, thinks Michael. Maybe Valenti has a few decent qualities up his sleeve and his taste in roadside beverages is up there in the plus column.

[noona-clock]

Out of the Question - Part 6, Final Chapter

Genre: Exes!AU

Pairing: Park Seo Joon x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

When you woke up the next morning, it took you a few moments to remember where you were. The ceiling was different, which was kind of a weird thing to say because who ever really looks at their ceiling in their bedroom? And yet, it was the first thing you noticed.

You turned your head to one side, and just before you saw him, you remembered: you were at Seo Joon’s house. In Seo Joon’s bed.

But not like that. 

The two of you had gotten so comfortable cuddling (and kissing), and you’d ended up using his skincare and one of his t-shirts as pajamas before falling asleep sometime around 11 o’clock.

He was still asleep, lying on his stomach with his head turned toward you, his cheek somewhat squished against his pillow. It was one of the cutest things you’d ever seen, and you had to physically stop yourself from reaching over and pinching him.

You slowly turned onto your side, scooting just a bit closer to him so you could get a better look.

Your eyes drank in the sight of him. Good Lord, he was just so handsome. Everything about him. His features were perfectly proportionate and perfectly placed. His skin was smooth and radiant. Even his eyelashes seemed to be otherworldly.

Not to mention his actual personality.

And he was yours?

You even had a child with this God of a human being?

Carefully and silently, you reached out with one hand, tracing over his nose and cheek and lips and jaw with your fingertip.

Now that your mind was fresh and clear after a good night’s sleep, you could think about everything without all the worry, all the fear fogging everything up. You were able to ask yourself a very important question: did you love him? Had you always loved him?

To be honest, you still weren’t sure.

But you figured there must be some reason none of the guys you’d gone on dates with hadn’t worked out. Besides the whole ‘oh, you have a kid, I’m not ready for that’ thing, I mean.

You thought about Alex, and how you’d somehow imagined he was different from the others. He would hear about your daughter and not bat an eye. He would bug you about when he would get to meet her. He would crouch down and smile at her when you introduced them. He would become close to her, almost like a second father.

But, just like the others, he had bailed at the first mention of your child.

And then you remembered what you’d said to Seo Joon last week right before he’d hugged you.

You’d told him that you had hoped Alex was more like him, but you were wrong.

More like Seo Joon.

You hadn’t even realized you’d said that, but you most definitely had.

It was like a literal light bulb went off over your head.

Because you hadn’t just hoped that Alex was more like Seo Joon. You’d hoped that about every guy you’d gone on a date with. Unknowingly, you had compared every single one of them to Seo Joon.

He had been your standard all this time. The guy to whom every other guy needed to measure up.

Wow.

So... had you had feelings for him all this time? And just not realized?

Your brow furrowed softly as you gazed at him, studied his peaceful, sleeping features.

You still didn’t know if, deep down, there had been romantic feelings for him these past four years, but you did know that there really was no other guy like him.

As you looked at him, right here and right now, you knew there never would be another guy like him. Not for you.

He was it.

And you loved him.

Of course, you loved him. How could you --

Seo Joon’s eyes fluttered open then, and a smile tugged at your lips.

“Mm, good morning,” he murmured sleepily, though he didn’t move one inch.

“Morning,” you whispered as you scooted even closer to him. You placed your lips on the back of his shoulder, relishing the feel of his bare skin (and also relishing the fact he preferred to sleep shirtless). “Good morning.” You moved your lips to his cheek, smiling against him there. “Good morning.”

“I forgot how much of a morning person you are,” he mumbled with a groggy chuckle.

“Mmm, and I get all my best thinking done now, too.” You left a trail of kisses over his jaw and down to his shoulder again, inhaling his scent as you went along.

“You’ve already been thinking?”

You hummed against his skin. “I think we should tell her today.”

“Today? That soon?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

Seo Joon let out a sleepy sigh, his eyes closing as he nodded faintly. “Okay,” he breathed. “Today.”

Your lips curled into a giddy smile, and you began to nuzzle his neck. 

He let out a low chuckle, though he kept his eyes closed. “You’re rather affectionate this morning,” he pointed out.

You kissed the back of his neck before pulling away ever so slightly, just enough to allow you to speak clearly.

“I love you.”

Seo Joon’s eyes shot open, and he lifted his head from his pillow, trying to look at you over his shoulder. “What?” he asked, clearly surprised.

“I love you,” you repeated, the grin on your lips never wavering. And before he could ask if you were sure, you continued on. “I realized that every guy I went on a date with over the last four years - I compared him to you. I wanted him to be like you. That’s why none of them worked out. Because they weren’t... you.”

Seo Joon sat up slightly, turning over so he could actually look you in the eye. His forehead was wrinkled as he listened, almost as if he wasn’t quite believing what he was hearing. It made you nervous, but you kept on going.

“I guess... now that I think about it, I was looking for you this whole time. Which, obviously, makes me mad at myself for breaking up with -- anyway, we can’t change the past, and it’s not like I realized I was looking for you until literally, like, five minutes ago, so --”

Seo Joon interrupted you with a kiss, and you let out a soft squeak of surprise.

When he pulled away, he asked, “You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” you cried, reaching up to swat at him. “At this moment, I’m not scared about anything, and... once I got past the fear... it’s like you said. I know.”

You knew he was everything you would ever need in a boyfriend. In a partner. In a husband.

A very wide grin split Seo Joon’s face, and he moved to gently tackle you to the bed, placing kisses all over your face.

“Hey, mom,” you said when she picked up her phone. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, just fine over here, right, honey?” she replied, calling out the question to your daughter. “It’s Mommy.”

“Wait, mom, don’t put her on the phone yet,” you said quickly.

“What’s going on?”

“Is it okay if... we come over?”

“...We?”

“Yes.”

“You and... who I think it is?”

“Yes.”

“Well, of course. Are you picking her up or --”

“Yes, but we want to talk to her first. And you, I guess.”

Your mom let out a little sigh and said, “Well, yeah. Come on over.”

“Okay, good, because we’re already on our way,” you said with a smirk. “See you soon, love you!”

“You little --!”

You hung up before she could call you a ‘stinker,’ and Seo Joon reached over from the driver’s seat to place his hand on your knee, squeezing it.

“You have everything planned out? What you’re going to say?” he asked, glancing over at you.

“I’m working on it,” you nodded. You took his hand off of your knee, linking your fingers through his and placing it in your lap. “What about you?”

“I’ll just see what you say,” he shrugged.

Of course. You were carefully planning while he would just wait and see. Typical.

When he pulled into your mom’s driveway about ten minutes later, your heart began to race. Even though you were giving good news, you still wondered how your daughter would take it. Would she really understand? Would she really care?

Seo Joon came around to meet you at the side of the car, sliding his arms around your waist and pulling you in for a kiss.

“You ready?” he murmured against your lips.

You hummed, kissing him back as you clutched the front of his shirt.

“I love you,” he whispered.

You immediately broke out into a smile and whispered, “I love you, too.”

Funny how you were already used to saying that.

The two of you headed up the walkway, Seo Joon’s hand resting where your neck and shoulder meet. You let out a breath before reaching out for the doorknob and turning it. Since you’d told your mom you were coming, you figured she would unlock the door for you, and there was no need to ring the doorbell.

“Hello,” you called out as soon as you stepped into the entryway.

You immediately heard small footsteps scrambling and a “Mommy!”

When your daughter turned the corner, she paused. Her smile grew even brighter, and she squealed “Daddy!” She continued running to you, and you let out an ‘ooph’ when she basically crashed into you.

You picked her up, immediately pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Hey, baby girl, I missed you!”

Seo Joon leaned over and kissed her other cheek, resting a hand on her back.

“Did you have a good time with grandma?” you asked as you began to walk down the hallway.

“Yep,” your daughter nodded. “We made pizza for dinner!”

“Ooh, pizza,” Seo Joon approved as he followed you.

“Hello, hello,” your mom greeted as soon as you stepped into the kitchen. She came up to you, hugging you and your daughter before moving to hug Seo Joon.

“Can we sit down for a bit?” you asked, feeling your heart speed up even more.

“Yes, yes, of course,” she answered and gestured toward her kitchen table.

Seo Joon pulled out a chair for both you and your mom, your daughter getting comfortable in your lap as Seo Joon took his own seat next to you.

“Hey, do you remember yesterday when I said Daddy and I were talking about grown-up things?” you asked your daughter, clasping her little hands in yours.

“Uh huh,” she chirped, nodding. “And you talked to Grandma about it.”

“Yep. Well... now we want to talk to you about it.”

“But I’m not a grown-up,” she retorted.

“No,” Seo Joon chuckled, reaching out and poking her leg. “But it has to do with you.”

Your daughter quickly grabbed her father’s finger and tugged at it playfully, giggling when his other arm darted out and he poked her side.

You chuckled softly, bouncing your daughter on your knee to get her to pay attention again. “You know how some kids have mommies and daddies who live together and are married and some don’t, right?”

You’d had this talk with her before, and you’d told her that her mommy and daddy were friends, but they weren’t married. And that was okay.

“Yes,” she answered. “My Mommy and Daddy are not married.”

“Right,” Seo Joon affirmed.

“And we’re still not married,” you added. “But... things will be a little different now.”

Your daughter gazed up at you, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Different?”

“Mommy and Daddy were friends before, right?” you asked.

She nodded, her brow furrowing even more.

“Now, Mommy and Daddy are more than friends. We’re not married, but we’re... like boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw your mom smile and reach out to take Seo Joon’s hand.

“And you won’t spend one week with Mommy and one week with Daddy anymore.”

“I won’t?” She was still quite confused, her voice getting higher as she asked her question.

“Nope. You’ll spend every week with both of us. We’ll all be together, all the time.”

Her head went back and forth as she looked between the two of you, and then she tilted her head up to gaze at you. “Are you getting married?”

“Not right now,” you chuckled. “But... probably one day.”

You felt your cheeks flush because, while you hadn’t actually talked about getting married, it was pretty obvious you would. Someday.

“And you know what the best part is?” Seo Joon asked, standing up and moving to stand behind your chair. He put his hands on your shoulders, and your daughter eyed him curiously.

“What?” she asked.

“You get to see Mommy and Daddy kiss.” He bent down and pressed his lips to your cheek, your daughter shrieking and squirming in your lap.

“Ew!” she giggled as Seo Joon pulled away with a loud ‘muah.’

Your mother was positively beaming across the table, and you were positively blushing.

Seo Joon plucked your daughter from your lap, and you announced it was probably time to go.

“Where are we going?” your daughter asked.

“Home!” Seo Joon told her, poking her belly.

“Which home? Mommy’s home or Daddy’s home?”

He began walking down the hall, and you heard him explain, “It’s our home now.”

Your mom came around the table and pulled you into a hug, her eyes bright and shining with emotion.

“I am so happy for you,” she whispered. “And I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” you whispered back. “I don’t think I would’ve had the courage if it weren’t for you.”

“I’m sure you would’ve gotten there eventually. That face of his would’ve broken you down.”

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly, pulling out of the hug but keeping one arm around your mom’s middle as she walked you down the hallway.

“So, where are you going to live?”

“Seo Joon will move into my place for now, and we’ll look for a new place within the next year or so. It’s so weird just... moving in together like this, but it makes the most sense. We’re a family, and I want us to actually be a family.”

“Of course,” your mom agreed. “And you can bring my angel of a granddaughter over here anytime. For sleepovers.”

She nudged your side, and you quickly closed your eyes in embarrassment.

“Mom!”

“I’m just saying!”

Two Years Later

“Wow,” your daughter breathed, her eyes widened as she stepped into the room. “You look beautiful, Mommy.”

You bent down carefully, not wanting to wrinkle your dress but still wanting to hug your six-year-old daughter. “Thank you, baby,” you said softly as she walked into your arms. “You look beautiful, too.”

When your daughter stepped away, she twirled around in her mint green dress, giggling as the skirt flowed out around her.

“Have you seen Daddy?” you asked as you straightened back up. Your mom hurried over to smooth out the skirt of your own dress, and even though it wasn’t necessary, you let her fret over you.

It was her only child’s wedding day, after all.

Your daughter nodded as an answer to your question and then zipped her lips. “He told me not to tell you anything. It’s a secret.”

“You can’t tell me if he looks handsome?!” you cried dramatically. “Just nod for ‘yes’ and shake your head for ‘no.’ You don’t have to say anything.”

Your daughter nodded again, vigorously.

“Good girl,” you whispered, winking at her.

“Of course, he looks handsome,” your mom tutted. “He has his hair combed back, and he’s wearing a suit. What more do you need?”

“I need my bouquet,” you answered, holding out your hand.

Your mother scoffed a little, but she still handed you the coral-colored flowers you’d picked out.

“All right, baby, go get your basket and get ready, it’s time to go.” You gestured toward the white basket filled with flower petals on one of the counters, and she skipped over to grab it.

“You ready, mom?” you asked breathlessly.

“Are you?” she asked with raised eyebrows.

“More than,” you grinned. 

“All right, let’s go.” She held out her arm, and you slid your hand into the crook of her elbow, clutching your bouquet as the three of you began to walk out of the room.

As you’d been planning your wedding, one of your co-workers told you everything would be a blur. So far, she was basically right. 

The hours before the ceremony, when you were getting ready, felt like they had dragged on for days. But now, as you approached the aisle, hearing the music playing and seeing your daughter scattering flower petals over the floor, it seemed like hardly any time at all had passed.

You felt your mom rest her hand on yours, patting it gently. You squeezed her elbow, tears already filling your eyes as you saw Seo Joon bend down to pick your daughter up when she arrived at the end of the aisle.

He kissed her cheek, she squeezed his neck, and your heart burst.

When he set her down, you were able to actually see him. The full picture.

Of course, your mom had been right. His hair was combed back, and he was wearing a suit. What more did you need?

A smile immediately appeared on your lips as you made eye contact with him, and he smiled right back as your mom began to slowly lead you down the aisle.

Six years ago, you never would’ve thought this would happen.

Even two and a half years ago, you never would’ve thought this would happen.

Seo Joon had always been... Seo Joon. Your ex-boyfriend. The father of your child. Your friend.

But now - right now - he was still all that, plus so much more.

He was Seo Joon. Your ex-boyfriend. The father of your child. Your friend. The love of your life. Your almost-husband. The father of your future children.

And he was the only thing that was crystal clear during this blur of a wedding day.

At one point, you’d thought that having a relationship with Seo Joon, one which went past just friendship, and being a family with him and your daughter had been out of the question.

You’d never been more glad to be proven wrong.

[chain-unchained]

June 17

(Just a heads up, this is entirely a filler chapter with Ashe, Sebastian and Sam-- and this is where I reeeaally start taking creative liberties with the game systems.)

“Ugh, it’s too hot to practice…” Sam groaned, as he and Sebastian walked away from Alex’s ice cream stand, cones of creamy frozen goodness in hand. “And it’s too hot to do anything else today...”

“You say the same thing every year.” Sebastian pointed out, raising a brow at Sam’s drama. “Why don’t you ever ask for an air conditioner for your birthday present? Or just save up and buy one yourself?”

Sam’s expression became quite sheepish. “Well… I know how expensive they can be, especially when it starts heating up, so I’d feel bad asking Mom to spend that kind of money.” He admitted, hastily licking up a trail of melted chocolate ice cream as it ran down the side of his cone. “And my paychecks aren’t usually that big, y’know? With what I have left after giving half to Mom for rent, I’d have to spend a whole year saving to afford one. It’s like…” He gestured with his hands, “I can either be a penny-pinching miser for something that I’ll only use for a couple of months a year, or I can have fun with my money and spend it on stuff I’ll actually use all the time, like strings for my guitar or a new amp.”

“Or you could work more than once a week.” Sebastian was deadpan in his delivery, crushing his friend just a little; it was a playful jest, of course, one meant in good fun. “Even if you picked up just one extra shift every week, it’d give you more to work with.”

“Yeah, I know…” Sam hung his head a little in defeat. “Can you blame me, though? I don’t want to work at that awful place! Even if it does have air conditioning, it’s not worth it. I don’t know how Shane puts up with Morris for forty hours a week, every week.” He looked thoughtful as he took a bite, using his tongue to lick up some that got on his upper lip. “Y’know, speaking of Shane… he seems different lately. Like, he seems more… I dunno, clear-headed? Maybe it’s just me, but…”

Sebastian ran his tongue around his own ice cream to keep it from melting too quickly. “He’s stopped ordering beer when he comes to the saloon on Fridays.” He pointed out, much to Sam’s surprise. “… You didn’t notice because you never turn around when we’re playing pool.”

“Cos the last time I turned around, you hit the 8-ball into the back of my head.” Sam pouted a little; amongst their little friend group, he was definitely the most oblivious. “I wonder if he’s trying to stop drinking. If so, that’s gotta take some serious willpower.”

“Why don’t you ask Ashe and find out?” Sebastian pointed over Sam’s shoulder. “He’s right over there.” It was pretty common knowledge in town at that point that Ashe and Shane were close, so it made sense to ask a question like that of him rather than going directly to the source.

“Huh?” Sam turned around and followed Sebastian’s finger; sure enough, Ashe was heading up through the north of town, past Harvey’s and Pierre’s and up towards the mountains where the Carpenter’s was. To their surprise, he was carrying quite a large, empty burlap sack, with a pickaxe strapped across his back. “Oh, good idea. Hey, Ashe! Ashe!”

Faintly hearing his name being called, Ashe paused, looking back over his shoulder curiously. “Oh! Hey guys!” He turned around and waved, waiting as Sam and Sebastian made their way towards him. “Happy birthday Sam~ I was actually heading to the mines to get a birthday present for you.”

“Aw, that’s real nice of you.” Sam was touched by his thoughtfulness, but he couldn’t help but be concerned. “Aren’t the mines dangerous, though? I wouldn’t want you to get hurt on account of me.”

“I dunno, I bet it’s a lot of fun to go exploring in them.” Sebastian shrugged his shoulders a little. “It’s got to be more exciting than anything else you can do here in town.”

Ashe just smiled, adjusting the strap of the sack slung across him. “It can be a little dangerous, but there’s a rescue team on standby in case things go wrong. Even though they’re technically Joja employees, they’re really nice. And it’s really exciting to see what you can find down there~” An idea struck him, making him press his palms together in delight. “I know! If you guys don’t have anything else to do, why don’t you come to the mines with me? I bet we could find a whole vein of valuable gems.”

The two taller males could practically see the gold coins dancing in Ashe’s eyes at the notion. “Well… I mean, it’s better than anything else we could have thought of.” Sam admitted, glancing over to see Sebastian’s own eyes glinting a little. He knew his best friend hated the mundanity of life in Pelican Town, and was probably extremely keen on the idea. “The mines have gotta be cooler than out here, right?”

“Oh, definitely.” Ashe nodded enthusiastically. “The mines stay super cool—sometimes a little too cold, but that’s when you get warmed up with some mining~”

That was enough to sell the still-reluctant Sam, whose ice cream at that point had already half-melted from the humid heat around them. “Alright, count me in. What about you, Seb?”

“Definitely.” Sebastian tossed what was left of his ice cream into the nearest trash bin as the three of them began up the path towards the north; on their way there, they passed Robin, who was on her way to Pierre’s for Caroline’s weekly aerobics class. They played off their passing casually, as Robin would definitely protest them heading into the mines if she knew what they were up to—even though she was a mother only to Sebastian, she had that motherly ability to cow any unruly teenagers if she felt like they were doing something dangerous. Since she had only just left for the class (the class that Jodi also went to every week), that gave them a solid three hours to explore before their folks got suspicious.

Right off the bat, the interior of the mines was noticeably cooler—it was easily a ten to twenty degree difference, making the trio sigh in relief. Having never really been inside the mines before, Sebastian and Sam were surprised to see a sort of ‘base camp’ setup right past the entrance—it was a small setup, to be true, with a little first aid station and a portable restroom. Usually the rescue team was comprised of two Joja employees, but that day only one was present, a mousy ginger-haired girl with huge glasses.

“Hi Ellie~” Ashe greeted as the three of them approached; the sudden sound of his voice made the meek girl practically jump out of her skin, having been so absorbed in the book she was reading that she hadn’t heard them enter the cave. “Are you working alone today?”

“A-Ah, hello Ashe…” Hastily, Ellie put down the book and fixed her now lopsided glasses, thoroughly flustered by that point. “Y-Yes, it’s just me today. You know h-how it is during the week…” Looking to the unfamiliar young men with Ashe, she asked hesitantly, “A-Are these your friends?”

“Mmhm.” Gesturing to Sebastian and Sam, Ashe introduced, “This is Sebastian, and this is Sam.”

“Hey, nice to meetcha.” Sam greeted with a friendly smile, while Sebastian raised his hand in hello. “So uh, how does this whole setup go exactly?”

Ellie got to her feet. “W-Well… You sign your name into this logbook, just so we have a record of you coming in should anything happen.” She gestured to the crate with said book on it. “Th-then we get you fitted with some safety gear and weapons, and you go off and… do your thing.” She seemed to recall something and looked to Ashe. “U-Unfortunately, you’ll have to stick with the left path; P-Percy signed in a-about an hour ago and reserved the right path for the day.”

“Drat.” Ashe scuffed the toe of his boot into the ground with a pout. “The right path is always loaded… Oh well, it can’t be helped.” It always felt like his rival was one step ahead of him; just when he thought he was catching up, Percy managed to widen the gap between them even further. “… The mines split off into two different directions.” He explained to his friends, who both looked slightly puzzled.

“F-From what we can tell,” Ellie added as she retrieved some safety gear for them to put on, “the left path is from the hey-day of the mining operation; the right path was started when the left path started running out of resources, but due to a cave-in, the whole operation was shut down before much p-progress was made, hence why it tends to be more resource-rich. B-But I’m sure you’ll be able to find plenty all the same.”

She helped the boys into the gear—nothing too grand or complex, considering it was a setup that Joja realistically made very little money on and thus had no incentive to do anything more. Helmets with headlamps, gloves, some rather dull-bladed swords. She did give Sebastian and Sam their own pickaxes, before strapping what seemed to be some kind of monitoring devices to their wrists. “Sh-Should anything happen, these alarms will send a signal to me to come get you guys. B-Be safe in there, and good luck.”

“Thanks, Ellie~” Ashe smiled merrily and proceeded onward, with Sebastian and Sam quick to follow; the path into the mines was straightforward for a short distance, before it diverted sharply into two distinct paths like a forking road. “I still can’t believe Percy beat us here.” He couldn’t help but pout, giving the right path a longing look before he led the two to the left.

“Are you really so strapped for money that you need those resources to sell?” Sebastian asked as he too came to walk beside Ashe.

“Well, not really…” Ashe admitted meekly; suddenly, a fire lit up in his eyes, and he pumped his fists in determination. “But the more money I make, the more I can improve the farm, which means more money, which means more improvements! I absolutely, absolutely, absolutely have to make my farm better than Percy’s.”

Sebastian and Sam shared a look around the short male. “Why is that so important?” Sam couldn’t help but inquire slowly. It just seemed so out of character for Ashe to be so money-hungry and so competitive, when usually he was one of the friendliest folks in town.

“…” Ashe’s arms fell to his sides. “Because if I don’t, Joja will take grandpa’s farmland and turn it into factories.” He murmured, his shoulders slumping as he came to a stop.

“Joja will—wait, come again?” Sam’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Seriously?!”  

“Mmhm.” It was all Ashe could do to simply nod his head in confirmation, leaving Sebastian and Sam somewhat speechless. “I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. So…” He clenched his fists for a moment, before thrusting his finger outward dramatically. “That’s why I will build a farm better than anyone’s ever seen before! And to do that, I need lots and loootsa G, so let’s get to mining!”  

It was such an abrupt about-face that it practically gave the boys whiplash. They’d had no idea of the kind of pressure that Ashe was under, but it wasn’t exactly their fault; despite how nosy the farmer could be, he was pretty tight-lipped about himself and his goings-on at the farm, as though he preferred to endure his burdens all alone. Whatever the reason was, Sam and Sebastian had gained some pretty horrific insight into just how depraved Joja was.

“What gives them the right to try and take your grandpa’s farmland?” Sam tried to press, jogging to keep up with Ashe who had picked up a quick pace in search of treasures. “That can’t be legal, they can’t just take what doesn’t belong to them cos they feel like it. And I knew Percy was kind of an ass, but I didn’t think he was a Joja stooge.”  

“It’s a long story.” Ashe seemed perfectly content to leave things at that, smiling that carefree smile of his as he marched resolutely onward. “We’re starting to get kind of deep now, so we might end up seeing a few slimes here and there. They’re harmless—actually, they’re really cute and squishy, and they seem to like attention. Sometimes, they even lead me to where a good ore vein is~”

Clearly, the boys weren’t going to get much more than that out of him; one of Ashe’s more deserved reputations was of his unyielding stubbornness. “… Wait, slimes?” Sebastian repeated, as what Ashe had just said sunk into his brain. “You mean like, the kind you fight in Dragon Quest?”

“Yup.” Ashe looked over his shoulder and grinned. “In fact, I’d say the ones in here are way cuter.”

Almost as if on cue, a little green blob bounced into view from around a large jagged boulder, its little antenna swaying too and fro as it merrily went along its way. “Oh, there’s one now!”

Completely startled by this revelation—that creatures much like the ones they’d slain in video games existed in their world, in these mines not far from town—Sam let out a startled yelp, tripping over his own feet in his haste to step back; he was, of course, horrified when dozens of the little round blobby beings popped out of nowhere and swarmed them, drawn from their hiding spots by the sound of activity and voices. Just as Ashe had said, they were completely harmless, simply bouncing uselessly off of their legs like a thrown pillow or stuffed animal would.

“…. Is this real life right now?” Sebastian crouched down and dangled one by its squishy skin; it felt kind of like mochi without the rice flour coating. The slime wriggled and squirmed a little, looking up at Sebastian with an expression of overt curiosity mixed with a desire to be freed.

The sound of Sam’s raucous laughter filled the mine; Ashe and Sebastian looked down to see the slimes practically converging on him, jumping and crawling all over him as he tried in vain to push them off. “I-It tickles when they move!!!” He wheezed, the weight of all the slimes on his upper body pinning him to the rocky ground. “D-Don’t just st-stand there! HALP!”

“Welp, RIP Sam.” Sebastian tossed the slime he was holding into the slime-pile and began to walk. “He lived a good life.”

“If we find a neat gemstone we’ll be sure to leave it on your grave~” Ashe chimed as he traipsed off with Sebastian.

“H-Hey, where are you guys going?!” Sam sputtered, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head once more—before another slime happily squished onto his face.

Of course, they went back once the joke had run its course, if only out of pity for the guy who seemed completely incapable of getting the slimes off for fear of hurting them. It was a good introduction to what the mines were like, though, especially once Ashe told them that the only threat slimes posed was thanks to their tendency to swarm like that—it was easy to get into some real trouble if there were other monsters lurking about.

 “Oh yeah, I completely forgot.” Sam suddenly recalled their original reason for wanting to talk to Ashe some time later, as they were chipping away at a vein of silver ore—it wasn’t a gemstone, sure, but silver was still valuable in its own right. “We wanted to ask you something, Ashe.”

“You wanted to ask him something.” Sebastian corrected as he gave Sam a pointed look. “Don’t drag me into your nosiness.”

Ashe swung his pickaxe hard enough to chip a good chunk from the vein. “Me?” He asked, giving Sam an inquisitive look as he knelt down to pick the chunk from the ground. “What is it?”

“Is there something going on with Shane?” Sam wiped a bead of sweat from his face with his shoulder and leaned against the handle of his pickaxe as he spoke. “He seems different than usual, and we noticed that—” A small pebble struck him in the back of the head; he jerked his head around to see Sebastian casually sifting through a pile of chipped fragments, humming in that kind of ‘innocent’ way that was a dead giveaway that he had chucked it. “…. Sebastian noticed that he stopped ordering drinks at the bar. We figured asking him directly wouldn’t work out too well, and you’re one of the people he’s closest to, so…”

“I just want to clarify that I have no part in this.” Sebastian announced bluntly, leaning around his friend to give Ashe a dead serious expression. “Sam was the one who wanted to stick his nose in Shane’s business.”

“Dude, why are you trying to throw me under the bus?!” Sam whipped around again to fume at his friend. “Admit it, you’re curious as hell too! Otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything in the first place! And why are you acting like it’s such a big deal, anyway? It’s a small town, everyone knows everyone’s business eventually!”

As Sam ranted, Sebastian looked away with a smirk and cleaned some dust out of his ear with his pinky finger; it was way too much fun to rile up his friend like that, especially since Sam had the tendency to go way over the top as he was then. “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”

“What does that even mean?!” Sam threw his hands up in defeat.

The sound of Ashe giggling brought Sam’s energy back down; the two looked towards the farmer and found him nearly doubled over with repressed laughter. “It’s not a big deal, guys.” He managed to giggle out, straightening up and wiping a tear from his eye; he was almost jealous of the kind of friendship that they had with one another, the kind where you could sit and insult one another for hours just to see who could come up with the most creative shit talk. “Shane decided to quit drinking, that’s all.”

It was the confirmation that they had suspected, but to hear it was still a surprise, considering how much of a beer hound Shane had been up until that point. “Damn. What do you mean, it’s not a big deal?” Sam asked. “That’s kind of huge for him, isn’t it?”

“Of course it is.” Picking up his pickaxe again, Ashe gave it another good swing, sending bits and pieces of rock and silver everywhere. “But I… I think he’s kind of embarrassed about it. He said the last thing he wants is for the whole town to start bringing up how glad they are that he’s not a drunkard anymore. He just wants everything else to stay the same…” Another swing revealed little flecks of red embedded in the rock, and he set the pickaxe aside to crouch down and get a closer look. “Change can be really scary, so having something normal to cling to can make it less scary… right?”

Sam and Sebastian exchanged a look. “A match made in heaven.” Sam stated with a sage nod of his head.

“I can already hear the wedding bells ringing.” Sebastian agreed, making Ashe’s face turn red.

“H-Hey, what do you mean by that?” He demanded, becoming quite flustered by their casual comments. “It’s not like that with us at all. We’re just good friends. Besides, Shane… Shane needs to focus on getting better. Something like that would just get in the way. Yeah, it would just distract him from his recovery!”

His adamant protests and excuses made both males snicker. “The lady really doth protest too much now.” Sebastian teased with a smirk. “Oh, calm down and listen.” He added, when he saw that Ashe was getting even more worked up than Sam had been a few moments ago.

“Think about it.” Sam took the opportunity to sit down beside Ashe for a break, gesturing for the smaller male to join him as Sebastian did the same. “Shane’s been set in his way for years and years, right? Everyone in town knew what a bad place he was in; we just didn’t know how to get him to see that. But then you showed up, a total stranger, and within just a few months Shane decides that he’s gonna call it quits with booze. Now why would he do that for someone he hasn’t known for very long, and not for the people he’s lived with for years?”

Ashe didn’t say anything for a moment as he pulled his knees up to his chest. “… I didn’t have anything to do with that.” He insisted emphatically, once he had given some thought to what he wanted to say. “All I did was pester him until we were friends...”

Even as he said the words, he knew deep down that he was lying to himself. If that were really true, then why was he letting all of this bother him so much? “….” Catching the look that the two were giving him, he quickly added, “E-Even if what you’re getting at is true, there’s no chance anything would happen with us. Absolutely zero. Shane isn’t into guys, and surely it’d make people in town feel uncomfortable…”

“How do you know he’s not into guys?” Sebastian dug around in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. “Did he ever say that, or are you just assuming?”

“…. It’s a pretty safe assumption.” Ashe mumbled, his face only turning redder.

“Thought so.” The flame of Sebastian’s lighter lit up the space for a moment, followed by the sound of the end of the cigarette smouldering as Sebastian took a drag on it.

“We’re not trying to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable.” Sam assured Ashe as the farmer buried his face in his hands. “We’re really not—”

“Oh I am.” Sebastian corrected, earning himself a smack on the shoulder from his best friend.

“—We just wanna help you out a little.” Sam continued, after giving Sebastian one hell of a stink eye. “You’re our friend, after all. And it’s pretty obvious how much you care for the guy, and how much he cares for you.”

For a long moment again, Ashe didn’t say anything. It felt strange, to have the ‘because we’re friends’ card played against himself for a change. “… I don’t want to ruin what we already have.” He finally murmured, resting his chin against his knees; for once, none of his characteristic bubbliness was present. “And it would feel like I’m just taking advantage of him when he’s vulnerable… I really appreciate what you guys are trying to say, but…” He lifted his head up and looked to each of them in turn, putting on the best, most convincing smile that he could. “I’m really happy with letting things stay the way they are~”

It was painfully obvious what a lie that was. But before either Sebastian or Sam could say anything more, they felt a faint rumble in the ground. “Uhh… that wasn’t me.” Was the first thing that Sam could think to say as the three of them looked around for the source.

“I think we’d actually die of oxygen depravation if it was you.” Sebastian quickly snuffed out his cigarette. “It was probably a minor earthquake or something—” That explanation began to fall apart as another rumble, then another still followed, each growing slightly stronger than the last. “… Ashe, should we be worried?”

“Uhh, maybe?” Ashe scrambled to his feet and cranked up the light on his headlamp as he looked around; a rumble strong enough to nearly knock him over seemed to come from the direction of where they had been coming from. Slowly, all three of them turned their heads to look, their headlamps illuminating upon a massive, deep purple slime as it came to loom over them—unlike the little ones they had encountered before, this one glared down at them with terrifying eyes, its little deely-bopper antennae swaying back and forth in agitation.

“I-Is this one harmless too?” Sam stammered as he and Sebastian also hastily got to their feet, staring up with jaws hanging slightly at the monstrosity before them. “What the hell even is it?”

Ashe swallowed nervously. “S-Slime EX.” He answered, suddenly finding his mouth quite dry. “And, uh… it’s not harmless. If it squishes you, it’s game over.”

Sebastian could picture what being crushed by that thing would be like—moist, heavy, suffocating, and thoroughly unpleasant. Definitely something to avoid at all costs. “Any advice on how to deal with it?”

“Yeah.” Ashe grabbed onto each of their arms and began to backpedal, practically throwing them in the opposite direction of the slime as he shouted, “RUN!”

That was it, they were all done. Screaming at the top of their lungs, the boys fled, with the enraged slime giving chase—it could move pretty damn fast for a squishy amorphous blob. “This is not how I want to go out, man!” Sam wheezed, pumping his arms as hard as he could to get some more momentum in his running. “I’m too young! I haven’t even had a girlfriend yet!!”

“Less bitching, more running!” Sebastian barked to his friend, glancing over his shoulder to see the slime gaining on them and zipping ahead of the two in order to ensure his survival. “Sorry guys! Survival of the fittest, you understand!”

“IF THIS THING DOESN’T KILL YOU THEN I WILL, SEB!” Sam shook his fist after his friend. “YOU ASSHOLE!”

 Collapsed in a big heap, the three began to try and catch their breath; somehow, they’d managed to outrun that thing, though at the expense of going much deeper into the mineshaft than they probably should have. “I-I actually want to die right now.” Sebastian groaned, resting his sweaty face in his hand as he leaned against Sam for support. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done that much physical activity.

On Sam’s other side, Ashe too leaned against him, his head tilted back and his eyes closed as he clutched at his chest. Compared to the other two, he was much more winded, but all of them were too caught up in what had just happened to notice.

“I-I can’t believe… we got away…” Sam coughed, sliding down against the wall he was slumped against; as he did so, he felt something pointy dig into the small of his back, making him yelp and quickly sit back up.

Ashe too straightened up, fanning himself with his hand and doing his best to calm his racing heart. “I’m so sorry, guys.” He apologized, his entire body beginning to shake now that the danger had passed and his adrenaline was wearing off. “Th-that was really dangerous… I-I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“Wh-what are you apologizing for?” Sebastian shook his head and leaned forward to look at Ashe from around Sam. “We knew the risks from the start. It’s not like you twisted our arms into it; we came with because we were bored.”

“Still….” Ashe let out a long, heavy breath. “I guess I wouldn’t feel as bad if we’d managed to find anything more than a few chunks of silver.” He admitted. “It just feels like this was a big letdown.”

“Are you kidding?” Sam managed to laugh as he got some of the wind back in his lungs. “We got to explore a place we’d normally never go to, we got to see real life monsters, we found some silver, and we almost died! This was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” For once, Sebastian agreed with his friend, nodding his head as Ashe looked between the two. “… Okay seriously, what the hell keeps poking me?!”

Finally fed up with the sharp jabbing pain in his back, Sam emphatically pushed the two off of him and twisted around to see just what it was. It took a few seconds before his brain registered what he saw, and when it did, his jaw practically hit the floor. “Uhhhh….”

“Whoa…”/ “Holy shit.” Ashe and Sebastian both uttered simultaneously, crowding around Sam as they looked upon a huge vein of jade; what had been poking Sam in the back was a chunk of the gemstone that jutted out from the rest. They had actually just hit paydirt by complete accident. When the revelation sank in, they all shared a long look, before they busted out laughing in disbelief.

They were still laughing and joking about their unreal luck when they finally returned to the front of the cave, hauling the sack filled with jade as it was too heavy to carry properly at that point; what was really the icing on the cake was the look that Percy gave them as they passed, as he had came out from the right path mere moments before them with a much smaller trove.

“Thanks for suggesting that we come with you today, Ashe.” Sebastian thanked, as they emerged out into the furnace that was the outside.

“Yeah, seriously. Thanks!” Sam agreed with the most ecstatic grin. “Man, even splitting what we got three ways, this is gonna be worth like five paychecks~ I’ll be able to get that AC for sure!”

Relieved that things had worked out, Ashe laughed happily. “I should be the one thanking you guys.” He insisted with a merry smile. “If you hadn’t come with, I wouldn’t have made out with much of anything today—”

“Ahem.”

The unmistakeable sound of a displeased mother clearing her throat killed the jovial mood in an instant; to the boys’ horror, Robin and Jodi were waiting for them, both wearing the kind of ‘you’re in so much trouble’ expression that struck fear into the hearts of even grown men. In all the excitement, the three of them had completely lost track of how long they had been in the mines.

“…. Well, it was nice knowing you two!” Ashe suddenly broke away from them, monkey-climbing up the hill to their left up to where Linus’ tent was pitched as he made his grand escape. “I’ll be sure to leave flowers on your graves!”

“ASHE, YOU LITTLE—GET BACK HERE AND SHARE IN THE MISERY!!!” Sam raged, as Sebastian just tugged a cigarette out from the pack in his pocket and lit it, already resigned to his fate. The haul was totally worth getting into trouble for, and if it weren’t for Ashe, they wouldn’t have had arguably the best time of their lives. So just this once, he could get away with it.