#thougtsofadyingatheist

[andrea-lyn]

Hey! So birthday request 🎂☺️(I am Shameless).So I was thinking since Alex Met Michael ‘s mum,can you please do an Alex taking Michael to meet his(Alex’s) mom fic?and Kyle tagging along because now they are the road trip trio and he says he is Alex’s best man.

(I’m sorry that this is so much of a belated birthday gift, but a bunch came in before, but I hope this works for you even if it is no longer your bday)

**

“I don’t know about this.”

Alex glances to the passenger side of the car, trying to surreptitiously check that the locks of the car are on for the fourth time. After all, the last thing he needs is Michael tucking and rolling out of the car because he’s panicking. “Michael,” he sighs, glancing in the rearview mirror. “How come you’re not helping?” he demands, of Valenti. “What are you even here for?”

“The entertainment, mostly,” Valenti quips.  

Michael is in the middle of what might be an actual panic attack and Valenti is about to eat popcorn. Alex pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders what he did to deserve this, never mind that he’d been the one to actually request this happen.

It’s Mother’s Day and after the disastrous events at Caulfield two years ago and everything that’s happened since, Alex didn’t think it would be smart to leave Michael alone on the day.

Maybe he’s just trying to fool everyone. Maybe it’s because Alex is going to visit his mother in person for the first time in years, because after he’d called her to ask about Jesse’s habits, she’d ended the call saying that he should come see her sometime.

He’d made a promise and now he intends to keep it.

It feels like if he doesn’t, it’s not only him making his mother upset, but somehow undermining Michael as well, who’ll never get a chance to visit his mother again, thanks to Jesse Manes’ legacy. The very least Alex can do is offer him something else, even if it’s second best.

His mother lives out in the middle of nowhere, off the grid. Alex had helped erase her information so that certain people (specifically his father) couldn’t find her once he got old enough and had tracked her down.

She’d explained it wasn’t the boys she wanted to hide from, but Jesse.

They’ve been talking lately and he’d mentioned wanting to introduce her to his boyfriend, which she had eventually come around to. Alex suspects that she’s anticipating another military boy, someone that reminds her of Jesse. She’s going to be so damn surprised.

“Michael,” Alex says, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “It’s okay. She’s gonna love you. You’re nothing like anyone I was around growing up. That’ll do it alone.”

“So, be the anti-Manes?” Kyle quips.

Alex raises both brows and shrugs, because, “Yeah. Kind of.”

That seems to relax Michael a little. Alex isn’t so sure that he’s as relaxed, but he’s burying it down deep. He’s never brought anyone home and it’s for obvious reasons with his father, but with his mother, it almost felt like cowardice. Not bringing Michael or anyone else felt like he could keep his heart safe in the process.

He’s not so sure he wants safe, now.

Pulling into a long, winding driveway, he knows that there’s no turning around at this point. They’re here and his mother is expecting them. To leave now would be an act of cowardice so grand, so awful, so terrifying that he suspects he’d have to go months without speaking to his mother as a consequence.

Besides, he wants her to meet Michael.

The three most important people in the world to him are within a mile of each other right now – mother, boyfriend, best friend – and Alex has never felt safer or more panicked at the same time.

“Okay,” Alex says, and parks the car. “We’re here.”

Here goes nothing.

*

When Alex is making his way to the porch of the little bungalow, Michael weighs the merits of running away. He’d have to live off the land in the desert, sure, but then he won’t have to worry about being a disappointment to anyone’s mother (especially seeing as he doesn’t even have a shot of being with his own).

Of course, there’s one looming doctor-shaped issue in his way.

“Don’t even think about it,” Valenti warns, like somehow he’s learning mind-reading tricks from Isobel.

“What? I was just…” Michael trails off, when he hears low voices at the porch. He straightens up his posture, aware that he’s not going to get out of this, and if that’s the case, then he needs to make sure he doesn’t fuck this up.

Michael Guerin, Earner of Parent’s Trust isn’t a trait that he ever thought he’d possess, but for Alex, he’s got to try.

“You were just debating running away. I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m here. Got to make sure you don’t make a break for it.”

He’s lurking back here because he doesn’t think that he can muster up the courage to get over there until Alex either deliberately drags him or his presence is requested. “I’m not exactly the kind of guy mothers like.” It’s an understatement. Michael’s not the kind of guy any parents like, from his interaction with adults as a kid.

Valenti clearly isn’t impressed by his little ‘woe is me’ parade.

”You know how hard it is for him to come out here and face her. It only happens when something is important,” Valenti says. “He doesn’t like bothering her, but ever since Caulfield, I swear, he brings this up on a weekly basis. He’s always asking me if I think you two should come out here and look. It’s mother’s day and he wants to spend it with you and with her.”

”Also, you,” Michael feels compelled to point out.

”Yeah, notice how I’m the one talking you off the ledge? Alex knew he’d need the backup,” Valenti boasts. “Is this about your Mom?”

They really, really, really don’t talk about this often, but Valenti knows the gist of what happened in that prison. He knows that Michael had lost his family that day and that his mother had been one of them. What’s been weird, honestly, is the fact that Valenti gets it.

After all, they both lost parents to Caulfield.

”I don’t want to think that she can replace her,” Michael admits, feeling feeble for the way he sounds as he speaks, “and at the same time, I don’t wanna be the ingrate boyfriend who doesn’t see how much Alex is doing to make this happen for us. It’s just, how is she supposed to replace my Mom? How can I even think that when I don’t even know my Mom?”

”You won’t find that out standing out here,” Valenti says.

Michael breathes in and out, staring at the daunting bungalow in front of him.

”Do or do not…” Valenti intones.

”Oh, fuck you, I knew showing you Star Wars was a mistake,” Michael groans, but it has the effect of breaking the tension, making him huff out a laugh as he nods his head. “Yeah, I got it. There’s no try.” He’s just gotta do this and he knows it’ll turn out fine.

He still can’t help worrying.

”Michael,” Alex calls, ducking out onto the porch. He’s smiling like the sun is shining on him and he’s waving for the both of them to come inside. He looks so happy and Michael isn’t about to ruin that by running away. “Come inside, lunch is ready.”

Valenti claps him on the shoulder, putting his hands on both of them like he’s intending to steer him inside if Michael doesn’t go on his own volition.

”You can do this,” Valenti encourages.

”I can at least try,” Michael admits. “For Alex.”

”For Alex.”

*

Michael sits in the truck, full of lunch, tea and cookies, still feeling the tightness of Alex’s mother’s embrace as she’d hugged him so tightly to say goodbye, refusing to let him go until he’d relaxed. He hates that he’d tensed, but his experience with the Manes family, outside of Alex, has been resoundingly stressful.

She’d been kind and warm and welcoming. She’d been the complete opposite of Jesse, and he’s starting to understand why she’d run away so early in Alex’s life.

“So, did she…” Michael trails off, hating how small his voice sounds. “Do you think she liked me?”

Alex gives Michael a fond smile. “She did ask when I was going to ask that nice boy to marry me,” is his wry comment. “She’s hard to put off when she knows that I’ve been in love with the same guy for over twelve years, not to mention the part where we live together. As far as she’s concerned, that’s inevitable.”

Michael feels his cheeks go hot, because he’d liked her, too.

It’s not that he’s ever had a mother figure to compare her to, but she’d been sweet and warm with her love, while also having a firmness and a backbone of steel – but then, he supposes you’d have to, in order to leave Jesse Manes, because that takes guts.

”I liked her too,” he mumbles, staring out the window so Alex can’t see the vulnerability on his face. “Do you think we could turn this into a regular thing? I know she doesn’t like coming back to Roswell, but I don’t mind driving out here, if that’s what we’d need to do.”

From the way Alex practically radiates relief and joy, it’s definitely the right thing to say.

”I think we can manage,” he agrees, tugging Michael towards him for a slow kiss that makes

“Come on, let’s hit the road,” Valenti says, interrupting that beautiful moment, hopping in the back of the car, arms piled with leftovers. “I saw a 7-Eleven on the way back and I don’t know about you two, but I’m thinking Big Gulps.”

Okay, thinks Michael. Maybe Valenti has a few decent qualities up his sleeve and his taste in roadside beverages is up there in the plus column.

[rawandmessyandbeautiful]

Thank you so much for the Alex Manes GIFS, I sometimes forget how amazing he was in S1. Just wanted to drop by and let you know that You are doing an amazing job 👏

Thank you!! There will be more, lots more. He’s A+! 

[mars-is-the-new-world]

23 and 18 :)

Omg thanks for the ask!

(Couldn’t decide w just a couple in number 23 🤷‍♂️)

[its-the-moment-to-fight]

Und nach all diesen Jahren, stehen wir schon wieder auf der Borderline, am Rande der Verzweiflung und kurz davor in unseren Gedanken zu ertrinken.

its-the-moment-to-fight

[signoraviolettavalery]

thougtsofadyingatheist replied to your post “Roswell New Mexico has both given us some of the best representation...”

@lovecolibri she really tweeted that romance is her top priority? �� A sci-fi alien drama, Romance? Top priority ?Then she shouldn’t be annoyed about it being labeled a teen show

It was actually an MTV interview that I linked in a meta, but basically her priorities were 1. service the heart and the relationships 2. murder mystery 3. political commentary 4. sci-fi 

And, well, I don’t actually have a problem with the heart and the relationships being serviced first because the thing we literally all want, the thing we seek out in writing and reading fanfiction, is character-driven stories. Stories that focus on the relationships (not just the romantic ones) are not inherently a bad thing. But, unfortunately, Carina’s definition of servicing the heart is...love triangles. Which is where my issues begin, because I am absolutely so here for Malex and Echo and the friendships and the sibling relationships being at the forefront. I just...don’t want dumb triangles. 

But, frankly, it’s the CW. It’s gonna be labelled a teen show (unless it’s Supernatural). That’s just, like, reality. 

[erisgregory]

thougtsofadyingatheist replied to your post “Come Crash Into Me Chapter 1/7”

Can’t wait to see where you take this, I enjoy your collaborative fics .

Ahh thank you so much!

[alexanderlightweight]

To Err

Thank you @thougtsofadyingatheist for the lovely prompt!  This took far longer than it had a right too but I was very excited to write it, it took a little different turn than I expected and I hope you like it!!

Prompt: “At least you’ll die doing what you love; Walking into danger.” 

-

“At least you’ll die doing what you love.  Walking into danger.”  Kyle griped as he finished cleaning out the deep laceration on Alex’s ribs.  

The door to Isobel’s backyard, because since Max had died they’d started to use her home as a safe middle ground, slammed shut and Alex clenched his teeth.  Not from pain but from knowing what was coming next.  If Kyle hadn’t currently been stitching him up, he would have kicked him.

“What the hell happened?”  Michael asked and the house gave a deceptively gentle tremor.  

Kyle winced and mouthed a soft ‘sorry’ to Alex but apologies were useless now. 

“A miscalculation,” Alex said at the same time that Kyle blurted out “shrapnel.”

There was one very long, incredulous moment of silence and Alex lost it, “what happened to doctor-patient confidentiality, Kyle?”  And when both men gave him an equally unimpressed and unamused glare, added, “also it was miscalculated shrapnel.  The point was to not have shrapnel, then I miscalculated.”  

“What were you working on that a miscalculation meant shrapnel?”  Liz asked, because of course Michael hadn’t been alone when he arrived and Alex was just about done with everything.  In fact, he was making a vow of silence.  Which meant that he wasn’t talking and since Kyle had already thrown him under the bus, he could return the favor and let the doctor fix this damage as well.

After Alex’s silence had stretched on for too long, Kyle neatly tied off his last stitch and removing his gloves, looked at the group. 

“We’ve been going through the data that we managed to get from Caulfield,” he paused, a moment of respect for the lives lost that day, “and we’d found a few other possible locations.  Our concern has been going in too-“ and Kyle paused.  “The systems for Caulfield were archaic but with just enough new tech and coding that they were also very delicate.  We’ve been working on reconstructing the self-destruct mechanisms.  If we’re operating on the assumption that these other sites would similarly linked, we want to make sure we have ways of shutting them down.”

There was an unspoken vow that lingered between them all.  That what had happened at Caulfield would not, could not, happen again.  

“So you’ve been recreating the system with the purpose of figuring out all the fail-safes and how to shut them down?”  Michael asked and his voice was tight, “and you didn’t think to, I don’t know.  Ask any of the people with actual powers to help?”

“Your powers didn’t work in Caulfield, not like they were supposed to.”  Alex said, breaking his self-imposed silence.  “There was some kind of alloy all throughout the facility that I don’t have access too.  They had enough time to figure out how to weaken your people and their gifts.  Doing it this way made the most sense.”

“Right.  Which is how that,” Michael gestured sardonically to Alex’s chest and never before had Alex wished more for a shirt, “happened.”

“As I said, I miscalculated.”  

“Actually, you said it was unstable, waited until I was in the jeep and then attempted to-” Kyle paused from where he’d started packing up his medical kit, “nevermind.  That part is completely unimportant.  There’s no permanent damage and Alex hasn’t lost any more limbs.”  

Alex rolled his eyes at Kyle’s smirk and added, “the good news is I figured out a way around the trigger point that caused this, so win-win.”  

-

Michael wasn’t sure which part was worse.  The fact that Alex and Valenti were still clearly spending a lot of time together, the fact that they were keeping everyone else in the dark while doing dangerous experiments, or the fact that they were at ease enough to have a mutual sense of morbid humor that flowed smoothly between them.   To paraphrase Max who had no doubt been quoting someone else at the time, he found it ‘quite fucking irksome’.

“Right well, seeing as Isobel is almost here I’m going to get us something to drink while you finish cleaning that up,” Liz said, clearly sensing that Michael was near his breaking point.  “Mikey, care to join me?”  

He grunted a response, not even bothering to playfully snap back at the nickname.  Inside Isobel’s kitchen he flung the fridge open, calling a beer to himself and opening it before it even reached his hand.  

“You want to talk about it?”  Liz asked softly, grabbing down both a bottle of tequila and acetone from the shelf.  “You seemed pretty close to losing it out there with your powers, that’s not like you.”

Michael shrugged and accepted both of the shots she offered.  “Long month, long damn year even longer fucking life.  I definitely don’t want to talk about it.”

-

Michael would be the first to deny that he spent the rest of the evening in a mixture of glowering and sulking.  Alex stuck to sipping a single beer for most of the night while Valenti actually deigned to relax and try to match Isobel for shots.  Liz had been convinced to let loose for one night -a mental break from her desperate need to find a way to save Max- and was out with both Maria and Rosa.  Somehow that had turned into him watching Isobel taunt Valenti into another shot while Alex laughed at them from the couch.  

Meanwhile Michael was pacing himself, cutting his alcohol with acetone and ice and sipping on it.  He needed to keep a clear head with Alex this close.  It was hard not to go to him here, in a place they didn’t have to hide any of their history, seeing him soft with laughter and at the same time knowing he was hurt.  Michael wanted to even out the past between them just enough so that they could finally stand without a chasm between them.

Instead, he had to watch as Valenti made inside jokes with Alex that Isobel quickly caught onto, had to watch them laugh and smile and see Alex lean into casual touches that Michael had once coveted.  In another lifetime he’d have been filled with joy, knowing that Alex finally had people who would touch him without hurting him, instead Michael found himself yearning for even just another one of their long lost, stolen moments.  

Instead, he had to make due with the way that every so often, their gaze would meet and Alex’s face would tighten as he hid away just enough emotion to make him unreadable.  

Michael hated it.  

It was both worse and better once Iz convinced Alex to take a few shots.  He didn’t do many, but it was enough to leave him loose limbed and relaxed as he sunk into the armchair.  It was also enough for Isobel to leave to her room.  Michael had already been planning on staying in the guestroom Iz had designated for him or Max.  Valenti was dozing on couch when Michael knelt next to the chair and reaching out, gently tapped Alex’s arm.

“Come on there Private, let’s get you to a bed before you fall asleep here.”  

“I’m good,” Alex mumbled, bleary and uncoordinated as he reached for a crutch that wasn’t there and then groaning when he overextended his reach, arm going to cradle his side.  

“Valenti was right, you are going to die doing what you love.”  It came out a little harshly but Michael was just so tired of everyone he loved in pain.

“Oh, so your name is danger now?”  Alex muttered haughtily, swaying slightly and oblivious to how Michael’s breath hitched at his admission.

“Alex,” Michael said softer than his previous accusation and Alex swayed again.

“I don’t,” he blinked, “I don’t think I should have taken Isobel up on those shots.”  He slurred and then looked down at the floor, it was spinning.  It took him a moment, Michael’s voice an unintelligible and white noise around him.  “D-did Kyle drug me?”  His voice raised in betrayed accusation and he let himself fall back against the couch.

“Actually Liz did before she left,” Michael said. “She did make sure they were safe to mix with alcohol.”  

“I see who my true friends are,” Alex bit out and flopped his hand in Michael’s direction, “never thought I’d say that about Kyle.  Not after high school.”

“Still can’t believe you forgave him,” Michael said and sighed when Alex didn’t answer, just blinked, “oh for, alright Private.  This way, come on.  Iz offered up her guestroom.”  

“Not the army,” was muttered against his ear and Michael was thankful that Alex was too out of it to feel the way he shivered when they connected.  Michael’s arm supported Alex as he led him to the room and helped him to bed.    

“When are you going to stop walking headfirst into danger and not caring about how anyone else is going to feel about it?”  Michael asked, keeping his voice soft enough that Alex’s brow furrowed in confusion.  It was a surprise when Alex surged up, knocking their foreheads together none-too-gently.  It surprised more than hurt Michael but Alex gave a wounded little, ‘ouch’ before flopping onto his side and burrowing his forehead against the soft pillow. 

“What was that?”

“Headfirst into danger,” Alex mumbled into the linens, “night danger.”

As Alex drifted into whatever sleep he managed, he left Michael staring at him -healed hand pressed shakily to his chest as he tried to imagine if a future was possible for them.

-

“Well, that went better than it should have,” Kyle admitted the next morning as they left Isobel’s.  He still felt off and it was only due to years of working on far too little sleep that he’d managed to pull himself together, that and blessed electrolytes.  

“Speak for yourself,” Alex said with a side-glare as he pulled out his tablet. 

“Oh, you mean your little confession?  I’d say Guerin looked star-struck, but that could have also been the result of whatever minor concussion you gave him.”  

“And to think, I told Michael you were the only friend I could trust.”  Alex was teasing, Kyle knew that but he took a moment at the stop sign to look over at his friend. 

“As someone you trust, you’re sure you want to go through with this?”  Kyle asked and shook his head when Alex turned with a little smirk, “don’t deflect this onto me.  I’ll be fine whatever the outcome but you saw how upset he was about you being hurt.  If this goes wrong, how do you think he’ll react?”

Alex stayed silent for a moment, long enough that Kyle had to start driving again.  

“I think,” Alex sighed, “I know- that Michael would want to come with us, again.  That Isobel and and Liz and possibly even Rosa and Maria would get involved.  I also know that they’re civilians.  All the alien powers in the world mean nothing if they can’t stay calm and work under pressure.  It’s not a risk we can afford to take.”

“I hate that you’re right.”

[space-malex]

@thougtsofadyingatheist and I are here for BAMF Alex. Who else?

[pastelwitchling]

This prompt is courtesy of @thougtsofadyingatheist.

"I can handle everyone else looking at me like that, but not you. Please don't look at me like that." Malex (1*13 aftermath or S2 Michael spiral). Do whatever you want with it, I am not too picky.

***

               The second Michael had seen Isaac Scott, he had decided he hated him. It might’ve had something to do with the fact that Alex was fond of him, but Michael would never say. Michael still remembered his voice as he’d come to stand behind Alex – who was adamant on ignoring Michael’s presence – and said, “Captain Manes.” He remembered the way Alex’s eyes had lit up with instant recognition and turned on his stool at the bar, how his lips had broken into a wide, happy smile, happier than Michael had ever seen him. He remembered the way the airman had all but jumped out of his seat – as best as he was able with his leg – and wrapped his arms around his ready soldier buddy who hugged him back, his arms tight – a little too tight, Michael thought bitterly – around Alex’s waist as he practically lifted him off the ground, his face buried in the airman’s shoulder.

               Michael remembered the way Scott’s eyes had fluttered shut as he inhaled Alex’s scent, the way he’d kept his hand on Alex’s waist when Alex briefly introduced him to Maria and Liz before taking him to a separate and quiet table, the way Scott had leaned into him, brushing Alex’s hair from his face as if the intimate gesture was something common between them.

               And Michael had hated him instantly. He’d hated him when he told Alex, “Your hair’s gotten longer,” in that soft way Michael had imagined so many times doing himself when Alex’s bangs fell over his eyes, he’d hated him when Alex smiled at him with twinkling eyes as if he was the one source of joy and kindness and love that the airman had, and he’d hated him when he and Alex recounted to each other all their military experiences as if Alex had never had a life here in Roswell, as if those experiences didn’t matter, as if this Scott guy knew Alex through and through just because he’d known him as soldier.

               Michael hated him, it was true, but seeing Scott tied up to tubes and IV strips on a hospital bed did not bring Michael the slightest sense of satisfaction. And seeing Alex sit in the chair beside his bed, his face in his hands, his good leg tapping the floor anxiously – that nearly killed.

               Michael glanced at Kyle as he gave Liz, Maria, Max, and Isobel all the details of his injury. He had ran in to the attack – not knowing what was wrong, only that Alex had needed him – saw his friend about to be hit with something that looked a tentacled-thing, and jumped in the way. Michael’s eyes fell on the unconscious man. He was so stupid, Michael thought. He thought he knew Alex so well, but didn’t he know that the airman could look after himself?

               And still, Michael could hold no venom in his heart. In actuality, he had screamed Alex’s name just before the attack, desperate to protect him – whether he had needed saving or not didn’t matter – and instead, Scott had gotten to him first. He had fallen, Alex had held him, then a kind of anger, the likes of which Michael had never seen, flashed in his eyes, and he held his gun up, singlehandedly destroying the alien monster. Everyone started to crowd him, to ask if he was alright, but Alex was already calling an ambulance, barking orders down the line. Then, in a military voice that Michael still could not believe Alex Manes had, he ordered half the group to clear the alien away, as well as any trace of it, and the others to help him get Scott outside. Michael had never seen him do so much for one person.

               “Hey,” Michael nudged Alex’s arm lightly as he pulled up a chair to sit next to him.

               Alex glanced at him, his chin resting on his palms now. “Hey,” he said tiredly. He had been waiting for two days by Scott’s side, never leaving unless the doctor insisted, and in that time, any anger or resentment he had had for Michael had vanished. Michael couldn’t help wondering if that was a good or bad thing.

               “How you doing?”

               Alex said nothing for a moment, then, “He could’ve lost the use of his legs.”

               “But he didn’t. He’s going to be fine, Alex.”

               Alex shook his head, as if to say that Michael didn’t understand. Michael glanced at Alex’s leg, knowing there was a prosthetic hidden behind his jeans. Maybe he really didn’t.

               “There’s nothing worse than losing a limb,” Alex sighed. “What an idiot.”

               Michael didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing at all. Instead, he tentatively reached up and lightly touched Alex’s hair, encouraged to slip his fingers through the soft locks when Alex closed his eyes, unmoving.

               The dark circles around Alex’s eyes had grown darker since last night when Michael had seen him, his fingers trembling, though whether from cold, starvation, or something else, Michael didn’t know, and his eyes had lost their spark, the brown surrounding his irises looking cold and lifeless.

               He brought his hand down the nape of Alex’s neck and around his shoulders, tugging slightly. “Alex, you need to eat.”

               Alex swallowed, shaking his head. “I can’t – I can’t just leave him.”

               Michael stared, then sighed. Why did Alex’s concern for Scott bother him so much? He had all the right to be worried. Michael himself couldn’t help but be grateful to Scott for what he did, and when he’d found out the soldier could’ve been paralyzed, he felt a sharp pain in his chest for Alex’s sake.

               Michael took a deep breath, nudging him along. “You’re not leaving him. It’s just the cafeteria downstairs, we’ll still be in the hospital. Come on, Private, you’re no good to anyone half-dead.”

               Alex seemed to hesitate, and Michael took the opportunity to pull him to his feet. “Come on.”

               He gently pushed him past the others, Kyle clasping him comfortingly on the shoulder to which Michael couldn’t even glare. Michael had directed Alex to take a seat while he piled on as much food on one tray as he could.

               When he came back, he found the airman slumped in his seat, nodding off to sleep. He tried to be quiet as he set the tray down, but as soon as the food touched the table, Alex woke with a start.

               “Great,” Michael couldn’t help but say as he set a bottle of water in front of Alex, then one of the sandwiches. “I guess sleep is next on the list.”

               “I’m okay,” Alex shook his head, and took a sip of the water. “Thanks.”

               Michael watched him for a moment, silent. For the longest time, he had thought of Alex as someone who was holding the reigns, the one in charge, the leader who knew how to save everyone, every time. Then there were moments, moments like these, when Michael realized how tired Alex was. He wasn’t just a leader, he was a boy who had been turned into a man too soon into his life, and in the darkest ways possible. He was someone who endured beatings and mind games and taunting every day, but still managed to take the world on his shoulders and look after everyone else.

               Michael had always thought of himself as someone who needed to be alone to survive, to push others away so that he could breathe better. He never thought of it much before, but maybe Alex was the kind of guy who needed to take care of others to feel whole, to be more at peace. Maybe it was just what he was used to because he never had the freedom of being alone. There was always someone who needed him, always someone whose reputation or happiness or safety depended on him, and Michael couldn’t help but wonder exactly how long Alex had been so exhausted.

               Michael eyes burned as he realized that while he had always considered Alex the one person he wanted beside him, the person he needed, Alex had wanted him beside him for a different reason. To Alex, Michael was just one more person who needed protection. Michael couldn’t be someone to save him, but he was someone who just needed saving himself. The thought left an empty, guilty feeling in his stomach as he thought of Alex waiting outside his airstream for hours, only to be stood up. How he must’ve thought that he had finally found someone he could count on, only to realize that Michael would never be anything more than someone else he had to take care of, but not believe in to care of him back.

               “Stop looking at me like that,” Alex said, his attention on his sandwich. He sounded, despite the obvious fatigue on his face, completely calm, as if he knew of Michael’s inner turmoil and wanted to help anyway he could, though he may have lacked the energy. Michael’s hands clenched to fists under the table as he forced a smile on his face. Alex was always helping.

               “Like what?”

               “Like you pity me,” Alex said, shaking his head. “I hate that look.”

               Michael’s smile turned small and bitter. “Maybe I’m just annoyed. And maybe annoyed looks a lot like pity.”

               “Because those two things are inextricable?” Alex smirked, glancing up as he started unwrapping another sandwich. Michael was glad to see him have an appetite. He had been worried he would have to force-feed him. “You can’t be annoyed with yourself without pitying me, so stop both.”

               He raised a brow. “How do you know I’m annoyed with myself?”

               Alex shrugged a shoulder as if it was obvious, his cheek filled with food, and Michael had to bite down the urge to lean across the table and kiss it. “Because you’re never annoyed with me, for whatever reason. Kyle’s not here, so you can’t be annoyed with him, or Max or Isobel. You’re the only one left.” He swallowed and sighed. “And you’ve been staring at me since you sat down, so you’re annoyed with yourself for something you did to me. And to be annoyed with that, you’d have to pity me.”

               Michael made a face, then, without thought, reached over and cleaned the crumbs off Alex’s lower lip with his thumb. “I hate how smart you are.”

               “And I hate being stared at like some tragedy exhibit,” Alex said simply, finishing his sandwich and uncapping the water bottle. “I’m serious, Guerin, knock it off.”

               Michael scoffed, though he couldn’t deny his heart thrashing in his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time Alex had said more than two words to him, words that weren’t laced with disgust or anger. “You sound annoyed. And here I thought you were never annoyed with me either.”

               “I’m annoyed with you all the time,” Alex said, though there was no malice in his tone.

               “So the way I look at you annoys you now?”

               Alex closed the water bottle. “I can take pity from anyone but you. You would,” he exhaled shortly as if he was too busy searching for the right words to remember to breathe, “you would break me.”

               Michael went silent, his shoulders slumped, any trace of humor gone from his lips. Alex smiled softly. “You’re doing it again.”

               Michael shook his head. It wasn’t pity, he thought. Not pity that he felt when he looked at Alex. It was something else. Something deeper than that, something harder to explain.

               “I’m only looking at you because I can’t believe how beautiful you are,” he said, and Alex’s face fell, his eyes wide. Then, with a small upward quirk of his lips, Michael said, “I thought you could read me better than that, Private.”

               Alex said nothing as he abruptly stood and left the cafeteria, leaving a stunned Michael to hurry out of his seat and after him. “Wait, wait, I…” he caught up to the airman in the hall and grabbed his arm. “Did I – Alex, I-I didn’t mean to –”

               “I can’t forgive you,” he said, cutting Michael off, though he refused to look at him. “I can’t forgive what you did, Guerin, I can’t. I can’t forget that you chose someone else.”

               Michael stared, feeling like his entire world had just come to a standstill. He stared at Alex, hoping the airman would just glance at him, just once, but Alex closed his eyes and turned away.

               “So you do hate me,” Michael’s hand fell to his side. He really was stupid to think that just because of a few moments of kindness, Alex would suddenly take him back and forget everything that had happened. In the end, he really couldn’t be someone that could save the airman.

               “Of course, I don’t hate you,” Alex said, though it offered little comfort now. No matter what, he still wouldn’t look at Michael. Hate or no hate, that wouldn’t change. “I just – I can’t do this while one of my best friends is upstairs, strung up to a bed.” He sighed, rubbing his face. “I have to go.”

               “I’ll come with you,” he said, and this time, when Alex said nothing, Michael felt less hopeful. Alex was devastated for his friend, that was why he was letting Michael near him. It was ironic, Michael thought, that the person he had hated was the reason Alex was talking to him at all.

               When Alex had returned to his place by Scott’s side, and Michael by Alex’s, he couldn’t help but lean back in his chair and watch the airman. He looked a little better with the food in his system, his eyes a little brighter, but there was still that tension in his shoulders, that permanent frown etched into his face, that furrow in his brows that said he had too much guilt and grief on his mind.

               He put his hand near Alex’s, and Alex thoughtlessly took Michael’s fingers, squeezing tightly. Fine, Michael thought, his mind and heart conflicted. If he couldn’t be Alex’s hero, he would be his stand-in. He would hold his hand and bring him food and insist he sleep. He would pat his back, and press his forehead against Alex’s without moving any further than that.

               His hold on Alex’s hand tightened, and though Alex didn’t look at him, Michael swore that this time he wouldn’t let go.

***

Thank you SO much for your prompt! I hope you enjoyed reading, and I really hope it doesn’t deviate too much from what you might’ve imagined ❤

[andrea-lyn]

thougtsofadyingatheist replied to your video “Instead of writing, I got to see muse again. Pretty damn good and...”

OMG I knew there is a reason I loved your writing so much you are a Muser!! I am a Muse fan girl ☺️, I have seen them only once(Tjah perks of being African�� ��‍♀️) but I am seeing them again in Singapore in September when I am on holiday.. Did they play the older stuff?

It was AMAZING! They threaded a lot of the old in (not super old), but we got Plug In Baby and New Born and then the usual big hits.

[alexxmichael]

10 TV Shows Tag Game

Rules: Attach gifs of your 10 favourite shows without naming them, then tag 10 people!

I was tagged by the sweetest people: @space-malex & @likebadgal-riri 🌸

I tag these lovelies: @intergalacticships @thougtsofadyingatheist @monluna-dreamer @lovingliz @tasyfa @lilasmcosmic @ortechoevans @manesalex @acomebackstory @will-byers-protection-agency

[daffietjuh]

Oh and One @thougtsofadyingatheist is the sweetest and I will fight anyone who's mean to her.

[queeraliens]

Top 10 Canon and Non-Canon Ships

List your Top 5 Canon and Top 5 Non-Canon OTPs. Then, tag 10 people to spread the love, and so on and so on… Because fandom life is fun and full of love!

by @acomebackstory​, this was SO hard, you wouldn’t believe it!

Canon

1.Chandler and Monica

2. Isak and Even

3. Alex and Michael

4. Nancy and Jonathan

5. Robin and Barney

Non-Canon

1. Alex and Kyle

2. Kyle and Alex

3. Kylex

4. Sherlock and John

5. Joyce and Hopper (yet)

oh, and i’m tagging @thougtsofadyingatheist and @alexxmichael

[pixie-skull]

Well, I think we could really use this to blow off some steam; so here goes nothing

Not my post, I tagged the original person @thougtsofadyingatheist and thank you for the post! =D List 6 random facts about yourself and then pass it on to your 10 favorite followers!

Well before I go one, thank you to @sweetlyprofoundphantom for tagging me. XD Also, a favorite is a loaded word, I just do most people I talk to. ^_^

(1) Before I took up American Sign Language as my language to graduate high school, I attempted Spanish. I am glad the local community college (which I am almost done as a college student now O.O yet I have to transfer somewhere after XD ) let me take ASL, for now, I am so passionate about it and hope to start both a club and in the future use for my career. My degree in psychology and maybe a therapist or consular.

(2) I have never had detention, yet been threatened twice. Once in middle school for wearing jeggings and once junior in math for “talking too much”. XD 

^ On jeggings and funny.

(3) At my first comic-con if you seen passed posts I said at my first comic-con I took a picture with Billy Boyd (the actor who famously played Pippin Took The Lord of the Rings), yet I had choices of James Marsters (Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Jason Frank (the original Green Ranger from Power Rangers and Tommy). I DO want to stress that both I considered. Oh and Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead, even though I knew him in snip roles in 2000′s Spider-Man movies) too.

(4) Speaking of Pippin, one of my favorite songs to be sung to as a kid when in elementary school by one of my older sisters was “Edge of Night”. As you can guess, The Lord of the Rings trilogy held a special place in my heart as a child to even now. Fun fact, actor Billy Boyd actual sings in his own band Bee Cake and part of The Hobbit trilogy movies. Just annoys me split a tiny 19 chapter book in three, unless do the Guillermo del Toro two movie idea.

(5) In elementary school I won a creative writing contest I been told, it was Halloween themed I remember. XD

(6) My first social platform is a site by the name of Quotev. I believe it’s name a playoff quotes. I have friends I still email from there. :D

Now the ten people.

10. @kristinart18​

9. @princessmegs-world

8. @night130

7. @bunnywpocketknife

6. @impossiblepeggy

5. @darling-egg

4. @aspiedemi2002

3. @feminism-and-nerdism

2. @electronicagirl

1. @theghostlightison

0. @sailorzelda94

[signoraviolettavalery]

thougtsofadyingatheist replied to your post “Look, I hate the sad pining gay trope as much as the next person, but...”

@itsonlysound I am with you on that one. What have we heard about Alex’s love life in the military ?NOTHING!! Maybe he did wait for Michael too. If Michael finds happiness/quite with Maria for 1-3 seasons please let Alex move on/try to.

Ok, look, first of all, I’m pretty sure that Michael ain’t gonna be with Maria for 3 seasons. They ain’t that dumb, and there’s not nearly enough between them to last, and Michael definitely ain’t going to find quiet with Maria. 

But also, it takes a special kind of rudeness to look at my post that says “I don’t want X storyline and here’s why” and respond with “I want this storyline!” and decide to argue with someone about it on my post. 

I get that you want that storyline. I don’t. That’s what the post was about. You’re not adding anything new to the conversation. You’re just putting me in a bad mood. 

[saveyoua-seat]

List 6 random facts about yourself and then pass it on to your 10 favorite followers!

Tagged by @thougtsofadyingatheist  💗 💗 💗 💗 💗 💗

Im an introvert and it took me a long time to accept myself, cause no one else does it lol. Id always try to blend in and act like i thought it was the right way, id go places i didnt like, id do things i felt uncomfortable doing. But then Ive learnt more about introversion and i grew old which made me realise that IM BLOODY AMAZING!! I love being me!! I love staying at home, watching netflix, reading, listening to music and saying NO when someone wants to hang out!! My family doesnt get it and they say im not happy being like this, but thats because they are extroverts so Ive learnt not to care. 

I dont eat junk food! Like, never ever! The only unhealthy food I eat is sweets (chocolate, cake, cupcake, brownie) and only like twice a week.

Ive never been in a relationship and never want to!!! Ive never been kissed nor anything and i intend to die like that!

My family is the most important thing in my life  💗. My sister is my best friend (shes 3 years older than me but im the responsible one lol)

Im a very bitter person. Im pessimistic, serious and I get mad easily. If you dont now the real me youd think Im sweet and chill and cute (all my coworkers say that) but its just a facade. 

And Im catholic.  😁

Im gonna tag some people I wanna know more about: @malextruelove @erisgregory @songbirdfly @crazy4malex @iwasyourghost @canmakemeadrink and anyone who wants to!!!