#also nooot my best work the longer i look at it

[jasonsscar]

The Ingenuine-ness of The Trials of Apollo - an Essay

As someone who has been following every Percy Jackson release since 2012 when Mark of Athena was released, I almost cannot believe it has come to an end. After fifteen books with five books across three series, it has come to an end with Rick Riordan closing the world as we know it (while leaving room for a possible stand alone novel or two in the future). Although I have had my qualms with the Heroes of Olympus story, I was willing to give the Trials of Apollo a chance to redeem itself and allow myself to continue this journey one last time. Upon reading the Tower of Nero, I felt as if the journey did not fully come to a close, due to many factors but the main factor being how Rick Riordan has chosen to not write a story he was passionate about but because he would have rather wrote a story he was hoping to make money off of.

Frankly putting it, Trials of Apollo felt like a rip-off of what Riordan wanted to be Percy Jackson and the Olympians 2.0, but reminding the audience that it was 2.0 constantly. The cameos just so happened to be the only thing that his audience seemed to ever be looking forward to every book and Riordan knew this. Plenty of interviews that he did as each book got released, Rick Riordan has always had a point of bringing up who was going to be making an appearance in each book. The Hidden Oracle was Percy Jackson and the rest of Camp Half-Blood. The Dark Prophecy had the appearance of Leo Valdez and Calypso. The Burning Maze had the addition of Grover Underwood (who the audience hasn’t seen since The Last Olympian), Jason Grace and Piper McLean. The Tyrant’s Tomb had Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arrelano, the Hunters of Artemis and the rest of Camp Jupiter. The Tower of Nero had the appearance of all of the characters in one way or another. Overall, there were very few characters who were new to the series. Even Apollo, who is considered a “fan-favorite” god among the fans is not an original character to this series, having been introduced in Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titan’s Curse. Nothing felt new and fresh and it is clear that Riordan is clinging onto these old faces that have enraptured his audience in the past to keep them holding onto this new series.

Although the characters were not the only problems that lead to the Trials of Apollo being as unpassionate as it feels. The plot overall was rather predictable from the beginning, hinting to the audience where it was going to lead to by the time the audience arrived at the Tower of Nero, the final book. Though, a fair argument could be set up that a larger scheme was at play within this series. The Hidden Oracle, the first book within the series, sets up that a company by the name of Triumvirate Holdings is trying to take control of all the oracles. Though, upon learning this information, the audience also learns about some information that is linked to the Percy Jackson and the Olympians books from none other than Rachel Elizabeth Dare herself: “... during the Titan War, Luke Castellan mentioned he had backers in the mortal world? They had enough money to buy a cruise ship, helicopters, weapons. They even hired mortal mercenaries… That cruise ship, the Princess Andromeda, was property of Triumvirate Holdings” (The Hidden Oracle 197-198). Just reading this scene alone could get long time readers to believe that something more was coming. The ending to the series was really coming, this could almost be the ending to wars in general, no more battles or even the ideas of quests because they could no longer be funded by this company. Sadly, that was not what happened, rather the plot becomes dry. It follows a direct sequence of events not getting as complicated as it had been in the Heroes of Olympus series (although, Riordan has since learned the Heroes of Olympus was definitely out of his comfort level as an author). 

This of course leads to how the Trials of Apollo as a whole ended. In the Tower of Nero the antagonists, Emperor Nero and Python, have been defeated. After conquering the many trials and the major quests he has been sent cross country to do, Apollo has finally returned to his rightful throne on Olympus, though, feeling out of place after what he had endured in the last six months. With the series having ended and Apollo having learned some valuable lessons during his time as a mortal, a lot feels unanswered. After the ending of the Last Olympian where Percy Jackson asked the gods to listen to their children and maybe take responsibility for some of their actions, they did not change. In the Heroes of Olympus, the gods were asked again to do this, take some responsibility, praise their children yet nothing happened. In the Trials of Apollo, Apollo himself comments on this when he says: “I suppose I could have raged at him and called him bad names… But it would not have changed him. It would not have made anything different between us. You cannot change a tyrant by trying to out-ugly him” (The Tower of Nero 377). This pegs the question, why only change one god’s perspective of mortal lives? The gods still have their issues, everything could have been resolved but was not. The book ends with the possibility of a stand-alone novel with Nico di Angelo and Will Solace after receiving news about a new prophecy for the two of them. Riordan will not close this series and the problems that could be fixed because he knows that it closes off all possibilities for him to continue and make more profit off of it.

Overall, while the Percy Jackson Chronicles as a whole is a rather fun read, I cannot help to be disappointed with the outcome of where the series stands as a whole. It has ended but it never really feels as if Riordan wants it to end. Some can argue that it is because some worlds never end. There is so much to discover but if that is the case, where is the close off then? Where is the satisfaction to the readers who have dedicated so much time and energy for this series? At some point, fans will grow tired and not be as passionate as they once were, because they will no longer feel that same passion in the words written. Instead they will begin to sense how the author is simply writing this all as a gamble for himself and to raise the already large sum amount of money he makes for the books he has written and sold.

Works Cited

Riordan, Rick. The Hidden Oracle. Disney-Hyperion, 2017.

Riordan, Rick. The Tower of Nero. Disney-Hyperion, 2020.

[nd43taags]

You’re All I Want for Candlenights

Happy Candlenights @bibarrybluejeans!  I was your secret santa in the TAZ exchange!  I hope you enjoy this blupjeans fluff I wrote!

Rated T for mild sexual humor and discussions of genitals and dysphoria, but it’s mostly just holiday themed fluff to the core.

When they had started the process, Barry hadn’t given much thought to when her body would be ready.  No matter how long it would be, it would be too long.  Every moment that Lup was in her spectral form as they waited for her body to regrow was a moment he didn’t get to hold her, so it was a moment wasted.  But there was nothing to be done for it except to wait, and as the time passed Barry did the math.  

And if his calculations were correct (and frankly, they always were), Lup would have her new body just in time for Candlenights.

“Oooh it’s the best gift I could give myself,” she teased, floating dreamily next to Barry’s workbench and looking at the math herself.  “A new body for Candlenights, prime for smooching.”

“And other things,” Barry laughed, extending his hand to her.

“Naughty naughty,” she chuckled.  She put her hand near his.  They couldn’t touch, not in the way that they wanted to, but they could feel each other, the warmth and the heat of their energy and love.  It was keeping them going.  It always had.

Continue reading below the cut or on AO3!

“I meant all the fun Candlenights stuff!” Barry said defensively, rolling his eyes. “Like eating good food, and snuggling by the fire, and holding hands during the lighting of the lanterns…”

“And fucking,” Lup said bluntly, and Barry could see her spectral grin as his face went red.  Gods he wanted to kiss her, but he settled for passing his hand into hers, feeling the crackle of energy across his skin.  Feeling the warmth of her presence.

“I’m just saying that you’re going to be able to get the full Candlenights experience this year,” Barry continued. “We’ve both got a few we need to make up for.  We could plan something special with the family if you wanted.  Something that does not involve sex.”

A crackle of energy ran over Lup.  “Like a party?”

“If you want,” Barry said.  “It can double as a homecoming party.”

At that Lup put her ephemeral hand to Barry’s face, and he flinched slightly at the spark of magical energy, but he still smiled.  And Lup could swear she could feel her non-existent heart skip a beat when she saw that.  After all these years, they were going to be together again.  They were finally coming home.

“Well we’ll have to do some careful preparations if we’re having a party,” Lup said.  “Wouldn’t want to have a shabby first Candlenights in my new body.”

“Whatever you want babe,” Barry hummed, bringing his left hand up to cup where her hand would be against his face.  A sparkle of silver caught Lup’s eye as her magic danced off the two wedding rings Barry was wearing: hers and his.

Careful preparations had been the staple of their relationship.

There had been careful preparations for the mission itself.  Barry’s careful preparation to approach Lup with his feelings for her.  Lup’s preparation to open up to Barry about her life once she realized she felt the same.  The preparation for their performance at the Conservatory that sealed their feelings for each other.  Their careful preparation for the ritual responsible for their current situation.  And their best laid plans to return themselves to each other.

She smiled, thinking back to another Candlenights almost 30 years ago.  A Candlenights approached with careful preparation just like everything else they did.

Except their marriage, which happened at the same time.  That was a little more spontaneous.

“It’s going to require a lot of positive energy to keep us grounded,” Barry explained, “We’re going to want to anchor ourselves into the people and feelings we love and care for so we aren’t swept away by the raw power of the transformation.”

“Well, that’s you B,” Lup said, kissing his cheek with a smile.

It was their 82nd cycle, and Barry and Lup were in bed discussing their future together.  It was not the way most couples went about their family planning.  There was no talk of homes or kids or white picket fences.  Barry and Lup were discussing something a little more eternal than that.  

And a lot more dangerous.

“Babe that’s sweet but I’m serious,” Barry said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek in return.

“I’m kiiiinda serious too?” Lup replied.  “I love you, and I think I could keep myself from going whack just from the strength of our love alone.  You’re that fucking adorable.”

She rolled onto her back, looking up at the ceiling of their (now) shared cabin, and feeling a warmth in her heart she couldn’t get enough of.  Barry rolled over to rest his head on her bare stomach, and her hands went to his hair, carding through it gently.

“It’s not enough to love me, though I’m super flattered,” Barry explained.  “In order for this to work you’ve got to love life.  All of it.  You’ve gotta be so wholy attached to life that you cling to it against all odds.”  He sighed and turned his head to nuzzle into her stomach with his nose.  “I don’t doubt you love me Lup, but I don’t want to take any risks.  I just think it would be safer if we had other memories to work with, just in case something goes wrong.”

“Alright then I’ll make a special memory with Taako,” Lup said.  “You’ll need one too.”

“I’ve already talked to Magnus about it,” Barry sighed.  “He’s planning on taking me backpacking, then we’re gonna stargaze on top of the mountain and camp out.  Hopefully it’s a good day, but knowing Magnus he’ll make it memorable.”

“I know we’ve been preparing for this all year,” Lup said softly, working a tangled curl of hair around her finger.  “But it’s coming so fast.  We’ve only got a few weeks left before…”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for a moment, staring into the darkness of their room.  Both their hearts beat heavy in their chests as they thought about the future.  Then suddenly Barry sat up.  He turned to her, face panicked in the darkness.

“We should get married.”

“Babe what?” Lup laughed, sitting up.

“We should get married before… Before we do this,” Barry stammered as he turned away from her.  “If something happens I want to know we were married.  Just in case one of us…”

Lup curled around Barry’s back, pressing herself against him as her arms encircled his waist.

“Oh B,” she said, kissing his neck.  “We’ve been together for decades.”

“Which is why I didn’t think about it,” Barry explained.  “I know it’s basically a symbolic gesture at this point, but...”

“It’s fine babe, I get it,” Lup said, kissing his ear.  “Of course I’ll marry you Barry.”

A beat, and then they both started to laugh.

“Sorry Lu, I should have, like, proposed or something, not just shouted it out,” Barry said, flopping down onto the bed.  She lay down next to him, curling into his chest.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, “I’m scared too.”

He didn’t respond, but Barry’s hands went to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, until the line of their bodies was as thin as it could be.  They fell asleep like that, wrapped into each other’s arms in a way that mirrored how their souls felt.  

Entwined.

There were a lot of things to consider when planning their Candlenights party.  There was food and music and decorations, but there were also preparations unique to them.  

There was a lot that went into growing a body from scratch.  

Barry was carefully watching the progress Lup’s body made as it grew inside the tank, checking to ensure it was on schedule and that everything about it was perfect.

Of course Barry already thought that Lup was perfect.

On the other hand, Lup didn’t like to spend very long with her new, growing body.  She rarely went into the lab to look at it, but Barry understood why.  It had been awhile since she had been in a body, and her body in particular had some unexpected baggage that came with it.  The magic was good but it wasn’t perfect.

They hadn’t realized it would regrow her body from the way it was before her transition.

“You look good,” Barry said, taking off his gloves as he left the lab.  “You’re almost the right height and weight, and you’ve got all your fingers and toes.  Your hair is getting really long, but we can get you a haircut after you’ve reanimated.  You’ll be ready just in time.”

“I still have a dick though,” Lup huffed.

“Yeah there is a penis,” Barry admitted, “But once you’re in your body we can do the transmutation spells you need to get you to where you want to be.”

“Wish we could do it before I have to go in there,” Lup sighed.  “Nooot looking forward to making that stop into Dysphoria Grand Central, even if it’s only for a few minutes.”

Barry sat down on the workbench and patted the space next to him.  Lup hovered closer to the bench with a frown, knowing Barry knew all too well that she couldn’t actually sit.

“I would if we could but you know how fickle that old pod is.  There’s no way it would handle an outside spell like that,” Barry soothed, and he looked so apologetic as he did so that Lup softened her gaze.  “I promise you won’t spend a second longer than you need to like that.  We’ll prep the spells so you can change right as you get out, and I’ll make sure all the mirrors are covered so you don’t have to see yourself if you don’t want to.”

“I just,” she hesitated, unsure how to continue.  “I didn’t want you to have to see that version of my body.  I’d already transitioned when we met and...  I haven’t even seen it in so long, I almost forgot.”

“Lup I already knew you had used transmutation magic on your body before we met,” Barry shrugged.  “If you don’t feel comfortable you have every right to make changes, but I’d love you with or without those changes.  I’ll always love you.”

A moment of silence, and Barry felt her brush against him, sending a shiver up his spine.

“... I look good though?” she said softly.

“Babe you look so good,” Barry said with a smile.  “Everything else came back exactly as it was before.  You’ve even got that mole on your inner thigh that I liked to kiss.  The one that’s really high up?”

Before realizing what he said, Lup cracked a wicked smile.  “Barold, were you creeping on my body?” Lup laughed.

“It was for science I swear!” he laughed.  “That pod hasn’t grown anything but Barry bodies for ten years, when your primary sex characteristics started forming I had to make sure you weren’t a magical hybrid of the two of us.”

“Ah, nope,” Lup sighed, “Just me.”

“And a lovely you it is,” Barry crooned, pantomiming a kiss on her cheek.  It made his lips tingle.

Davenport had agreed to do the ceremony, but the day of their wedding Barry realized they had forgotten something important.

“Do you want to keep your family name?” he asked Lup.

“I can’t use my family name Bar,” Lup said.  “That’s what happens to elves who leave their clan.  You lose your name.  Wouldn’t want to anyway.  And last I checked you don’t use yours either, unless I’m honestly supposed to believe you had your name changed to ‘Bluejeans’.”

“Yeah no, my family name is Hallwinter but like… They’re all dead?” Barry realized, “And I was thinking… why do we have to take names of the families who didn’t really like us all that much anyway?  They’ve been dead for almost a hundred years.  Maybe their names should... die with them.”

“Then are we just not going to have a family name?” Lup asked, taking his hand.  “I mean just Lup is rad as fuck, got a rock star vibe out of that, but plain Barry is kinda eh…”

“Actually I was thinking,” Barry said, squeezing her hand, “When we become liches, our full names will have power on their own.  We’ll need to keep them a secret.  So maybe we just… pick our own?  Just for us?”

“And Davenport,” Lup reminded him.  “He’ll probably want to know them for the purpose of officiating.”

“Okay Davenport can know it,” Barry chuckled, “I don’t think he’ll use our names against us, and I feel like we can trust him to take us down if we get too powerful.  He’s pretty crafty.”

“Well I’m pretty sure if Captain Dadnport wanted us dead he’d want to use our full names anyway,” Lup giggled.  “So that’s it then?  We just… make one up?”

“Why not?” Barry admitted with a grin.  “We’re starting something new.  Let’s make it really new, not tied to anyone else.”

“Okay B,” Lup said, “What should we choose then?”

“Yeah, what kind of name would best represent us?” Barry mused.

Lup laughed.  “How about Lup and Barry Awesomesauce?”

“Horrible,” chuckled Barry.

She poked him in the ribs with a grin.  “Speak for yourself, Bluejeans,” she teased.

“Fair enough,” Barry laughed.  “How about... something in Elvish?”

Lup shrugged.  “I’m open to suggestions.”

“How about…” he blushed and smiled widely.  “Melinyes?”

A soft smile spread across Lup’s face.  “Honey that just means I love you,” she laughed.

“Yeah, but every time I say your name it will be like…” he squeezed her hand even tighter.  “Lup, I love you.  And only I will get to say it to you, for the rest of our lives.”

“And Davenport,” Lup said again.

“Davenport gets to say it once this afternoon, and then never again,” Barry laughed.

“Mmmm…  Barry Melinyes,” Lup mused.  “Lup Melinyes… it’s not bad.  I like it, but I wouldn’t scribble it in the margins of my notes with hearts around it.  It just lacks the punch that Bluejeans has.”

“We can put Bluejeans on the paperwork,” Barry teased, kissing her cheek.  “Is that good then?  Melinyes?”

“I think so,” she whispered, kissing him on the lips.

The preparations for the party were going as smoothly as they could with half of the planners being unable to interact with the material plane in any meaningful way.  Lup spent a lot of time hovering around and asking for things, while Barry spent his time doing them.  He hung decorations around their home, and bought food to prepare for the party.

There was a small hang up though.

“I’m not going to be able to help you with cooking until I get my new body,” Lup sighed, floating over the sacks of groceries Barry had brought home.  “I can, like, give instructions?  But you’re going to have to do most of it yourself.  I’m worried if I touch any of the food it will spoil.”

“Yeah that’s that necromantic energy,” Barry moaned.  “It’s okay, I can always call Taako in if I need extra help, but I think we’ll manage.”  He gestured to the groceries on the table.  “I got everything you asked for, so what will we be making?”

“I’m thinking latkes and sufganiyot,” Lup said, “Our aunt always used to make those for Candlenights.”

“Oh boy I get to fry things,” Barry laughed weakly, “That’s fine, as long as you lower your expectations for quality.  I tend to burn everything.”

“It’ll be great,” Lup assured him, “You’ll do great.  And anyway I haven’t eaten anything in ten years, so they’ll taste good to me no matter what.  What did your family make for Candlenights?”

“Eh, mostly sweetbreads and roasted meats,” Barry shrugged, “We weren’t big on the traditions.  What about that thing you and Taako used to make on the Starblaster for Candlenights?”

“The pudding?” Lup laughed, “B we just would throw that together out of whatever fruit and spices we could get that year, it wasn’t anything special.”

“It was special because we all would share it together,” Barry said with a shrug.  “It wasn’t always good, but it was our tradition.  I think everyone would love to have it again.”

“Okay, but this year it actually needs to taste good.  Not like that year all we had was dragonfruit and garlic.”  Lup smiled.  “It’s gonna be so good to be able to taste things again.  It’s been so long I’ve actually forgotten what being hungry feels like.”

“Well we want to have all of your favorite foods for Candlenights, so that you can get all the best experiences,” Barry explained, looking through the bags.  “I got a couple bags of junk food, just in case you wanted something cheesy or salty or greasy or whatever.”

“You’re too good for me Bar,” Lup hummed, looking at the bag of chips Barry was setting out.  “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“What else do you want to do when you get back in your body?” Barry asked.

“Well wear something that isn’t red for once,” Lup laughed, gesturing at her spectral red robes.  “If I had known I would be spending ten years in this outfit I would have worn something different.”

“You look as beautiful as you did that day,” Barry said, and while Lup couldn’t blush it certainly felt like she was.  “I can’t wait to hold you again.”

“Just a little longer,” Lup teased.  “Oh, we’re not doing gifts, right?  Kinda hard to go shopping like this.”

“I figured the only thing you’d want is this,” Barry said, gesturing to the second ring on his finger.  “And the only thing I want is you, so…”

“I can’t believe you were able to keep those both safe, with all the body switching you were doing,” Lup said.

“Well I had to, didn’t I?” Barry said.  “They were the only thing that made me certain you were still out there.”

“I’m just saying I’m impressed,” Lup said, extending a spectral hand to Barry, which he raised his own hand to touch.  “That whole time I was trapped, I knew the only reason I was still alive was because your ring was safe.  And I hoped every day it was safe because it was still with you.  I love you.”

“I love you more than anything babe,” Barry said with a smile.  “I overcame death for you.”

“Mmm, me too,” Lup hummed.  “A thousand times over.”

“Do you two have rings you’re exchanging?” Davenport asked.

“Yeah I… I got them right here,” Barry said, fumbling in his pocket.

“Thanks for doing this Cap,” Lup said, “And for agreeing to keep our chosen names a secret.”

“You two are going to go through with that ritual whether or not I approve,” Davenport said, “The least I could do is make sure you have another safety net.”  He took one of each of their hands into his own.  “You’ve thought it all out?  Every contingency?”

“We have,” Barry answered.  “We’ve run all the numbers.”

“What will your phylacteries be?” Davenport asked.

“These.”

Barry pulled his other hand from his pocket and held out the two silver rings they were going to exchange.  Davenport looked them over with a careful eye.

“Pretty bold to tie your soul to something you wear on your own body,” Davenport replied.

“No we…” Lup intercut, “We won’t be wearing ours.  Barry will be tied to my ring, and I’ll be tied to Barry’s.”

“So we’ll always be together,” Barry explained.  “And we can protect each other.”

“Alright.”  Davenport squeezed their hands.  “Promise me that if one of you is planning on going somewhere dangerous, that you’ll leave your ring with your partner.”

“Of course,” Barry replied.

“For sure,” Lup agreed.

“We doing this?”  Taako asked from behind them, and Lup smiled as she turned to her brother.  They needed a witness, and there was no one more suited than Taako.  They could trust him with their name.  She could trust him with anything.

“Hold onto your hat bro, I think we’re about to start.”

“Yeah,” Barry nodded.  “We’re ready.”

“Okay then,” Davenport sighed, and cleared his throat.  “Barry, do you take Lup to be your partner in life and in death?”

“I do,” Barry said with a smile.

“And Lup, do you take Barry to be your partner in life and in death?”

“I do,” Lup said, grinning.

With one final squeeze, Davenport released both of their hands.  “Then with the power vested in me, I name you Barry and Lup Melinyes, husband and wife.”

They slid the rings onto each others hands, and kissed quickly.  Taako sniffed, and Lup smiled as they turned to see Taako holding back tears.

“Fucking… going to ruin my smokey eye,” Taako moaned, giving his sister a wink.  “I hope you’re happy.”

“Thanks for the sacrifice, Koko,” Lup laughed.

“Be good to each other,” Davenport said quietly.

“We will,” Lup replied.

“When will you be doing the transformation?” Davenport asked.

“Next week,” Barry answered.  “We’ve got everything we need prepared now, we just wanted to have it close to the end of the year in case…”

“In case something goes wrong,” Davenport finished.  “I understand.  Quite a Candlenights gift you’re giving each other.”

Barry laughed shyly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

“If it was anyone else I’d be terrified for you,” Davenport said.  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared for you both, but…. you two… I think you two can make it work.”

Lup’s new body reached maturation the first morning of Candlenights.

The process itself was fast and quiet.  Lup emerged from the pod and Barry quickly handed over the components she would need for her transmutation spells.  Once that was done they embraced, holding each other for the first time in what felt like an eternity.  Then they were kissing, and laughing, and kissing again, and Lup found herself crying and smiling and feeling overwhelmed as her heart in her chest beat once again.  And Barry too, unable to tear his hands, his lips away from her, wanted to touch every inch of her, to feel all he had missed in those long ten years.

And then they were running to the bedroom to make up for lost time.

Of course they couldn’t stay there all day, as much as they wanted to.  There were other things that needed doing.  Barry helped Lup cut and shave her hair until it was the way she preferred it.  Lup helped Barry with the remaining cooking that needed to be done, dusting his sufganiyot with sugar and preparing the IPRE pudding.  Still they took every opportunity to kiss and touch and hold each other.  They were never further than a few feet apart, fingers often entwined as they worked on their various tasks.

It felt like coming home.  

That evening, Lup lit the candles on their decorations with a flick of her wand, and beamed as everyone at their party gasped with joy as both the candles and her dress sparkled in a rainbow of magical lights.  In the candlelight, her newly returned ring that housed the root of Barry’s soul glittered on her finger, and she smiled as she felt it’s cool metal on her skin.

There was so much about being alive she had missed.

But that night, as Magnus drunkenly sang a traditional Candlenights ballad, as Merle awkwardly flirted with the Candlenights bush, as Taako teased Barry for his overcooked (but still delicious) sufganiyot, as Lucretia told Angus stories about the Candlenights puddings the twins would make for them, as Davenport beamed up at them both from his place by the fire, she realized how lucky she was to have another Candlenights with them at all.

“Guys I…” she paused, and cleared her throat.  “Sorry, not used to having vocal chords.”  The crowd laughed, and she smiled.  “I just wanted to say… thank you everyone for coming to celebrate with us.”

“Welcome home Lup!” Merle cried, and Magnus cheered “Yeah, welcome back!” in response.  Everyone started to laugh and clap and cheer, and Lup’s heart soared to be with her family again.

“And…  And I wanted to thank Barry especially,” Lup said, taking his hand, “For helping me out and… for keeping my memory alive even when he didn’t know who I was.  You’re the reason we’re all together again babe.  I love you.”

“Gross!” Taako shouted.

“Shut the fuck up Taako I’m trying to be heartfelt!” Lup snapped back playfully, and everyone laughed once again.  With a toast, they all cheered once more under the sparkling lights.  Then they returned to their party activities, singing and dancing and laughing and eating and enjoying each other’s company in peace.  Barry leaned over and kissed Lup on the cheek, then whispered quietly into her ear so only she could hear him.

“Happy Candlenights, Lup Melinyes.”

Lup felt a tingle of magic down her spine as Barry said her true name, and she smiled.

“Happy Candlenights Barry Melinyes.”

[takaraphoenix]

Things that upset me more than they probably have a right to: Birthday Edition

So. Huh. Personal thing again. Keep scrolling if uninterested, but I always liked venting to the internet and this apparently upsets me more than anticipated. So yeah. It was my birthday roughly two weeks ago and it was kind of a gigantic disappointment that ended with me uncontrollably sobbing into my pillow? Yeah that happened. But let me do this chronologically. The original plan was to go see the premiere of Thor: Ragnarok because its release date was originally my birthday. The release date was pushed back for reasons unknown to me and that wad kind of a bummer because that is liiiterally my most anticipated movie of the year. Plans changed and I invited six friends out for cocktails instead. I don't really have a lot of physical - outside the internet - friends. Two of them I would have had classes with that day. Which. Neat. New semester and new classes always means a lot of angsting and sitting alone because I do nooot do well with meeting people so I was glad I had one of the few classes I had with my friends. Since classes were til four and we all had agreed on meeting at six, I had asked those two friends if we should go early, grab dinner together. They agreed, so the plan for the day was set. I was alone in class on my birthday because both of them blew off classes. Without telling me. Which, obviously and consequencely, tanked dinner plans too. So after sitting alone in class, which always makes me feel anxious and tense and just overall Not Good, I went home and had... cold left over pizza for dinner on my birthday. Alone. And if you think that's sad, boooy are you in for a ride. Now the reason I know the other two blew off classes is because they told me so when we met at the bar. Because yeah they came for cocktails but had seemingly forgotten about dinner plans. First presents were exchanged. Or. Well. Orally promised. Both separately invited me to the movies, film my choice. Which, cop out present when you reeeaaally don't know what to get someone but also suuuper neat because yeah everybody loves going to the movies but they got expensive as fuck. Still like. At least a handwritten card with the invitation would have been nice or something? I don't know; this will feature me being picky and overly critical A Lot. Third friend arrived late due to classes. She was a sweetie and literally the only one I don't blame for feeling like shit at the end of my birthday. She got me a bag of assorted purple stuff. A notebook, four different fancy pens, Milka chocolates. Purple is my favorite color, all that I own from socks to glasses is purple. It's my thing. So that was cute. Fourth friend arrived late due to work. Her present... next thing that kinda really upset me. A key charm that is wiiildly not my taste but that alone would have been okay. Additionally a Weeping Angel necklace. Which in itself; hey she nailed the Whovian in me. But. She had given me the EXACT same necklace last year already and that's just... ouch. Not even important enough to remember that, huh...? Fifth friend arrived even later due to classes. Fifth friend is Best Friend. We sat at a table where three people fit on the length of it and one on the head. I had been sitting in the middle of the length on the bench, between friends one and three, with four opposite me and two diagonally from me. Birthday girl and being like... the center of attention, you know? Makes sense, right? Best Friend has had a shit ton of physical issues after an accident and does better sitting on the bench than a chair - which were the only seats still empty. So when Best Friend asked friend number one if she would mind sitting on a chair instead, I was kinda happy because hey I had already been sitting next to one for two hours so it wasn't that bad I was happy to get to sit next to my Best Friend who I get to see once a month if I'm lucky. When neither her nor friend four moved on to sit on the bench, I prompted friend four and she went "nah why don't you". And I went really as flat-out as I can get and told her to sit, but she and Best Friend ushered me very firmly to sit. Not only did I then end up in the far corner and thus out of earshot of two. No. Four took the middle spot. Meaning I was ALSO out of earshot of my Best Friend, with whom I then consequencely got to exchange the staggering amount of five fucking sentences all evening. Which yeah, amplified by four sitting between us because she and four have a longer history with each other and I know while I place her as my best friend, four takes that spot for her. Whenever it's the three of us, I basically feel like a third wheel. So yeah. I was literally third-wheeling my own birthday. Best Friend got me a cute gift though. A phone case of my favorite anime. Friend six arrived two hours late due to mental issues. She has depression and bipolar disorder and while I do not blame her for that, I do hold her accountable for other things. One of those we'll get back to later. The other being her present to me. A chocolate Advent Calendar... with sexy girls on it. And not even tasteful sexy girls that you can admire aesthetically but... porn-y sexy girls. And yes. Part of why this upset me so fundamentally was because I had just come out as ace here on tumblr and received so much encouragement and so many nice words and this felt like an ice cold reality check of this being the real world and me not being out to my friends. Other reasons why it upset me include: Even if you don't know that I'm asexual, you're my friend and shooould have the basic understanding of my taste to know how disturbingly tasteless and unfunny I find stuff like that. Porn flat out disgusts me. So yeah. Made me feel like she really doesn't know me at all. A feeling driven home by her telling the story of how she bought it and had originally been holding an Advent Calender of "Sleeping Beauty", deeming that lame and thus going for the porn calendar. Aurora is LITERALLY my favorite Disney princess and despite a 3€ advent calendar being a real cheap birthday present either way, I would have been suuuper happy about one with my favorite Disney princess. Fuck this, I would have been super happy about a calendar with any Disney princess because I'm a Disnerd. And eeeverybody who knows me for an hour knows that. So. Yeah. Not just a tasteless gift but one that could have been something cool instead if she... knew me AT ALL. Really upsetting to realize that your friends can't even be bothered to remember the most... basic interests of yours. Now. The evening proceeded. One had to go early. Two and three ended up talking a lot among themselves. So did four and six and my best friend. Head count. Who does that leave out of the conversations? Right. The birthday girl. I tried telling a story. Just to be interrupted and talked over, the conversation being hijacked and no one being interested in hearing the end of my story. And I get it. I really very painfully do. I know I'm not interesting to talk to or to spend time with and my self-esteem is so low, I keep it in the basement. I will not try to rope you into a conversation with me during a social event because there are other people you could talk to that are far more interesting. That's why I had selfishly put myself at the center of the table. So all conversations would happen around me and I could get involved. I was sitting in the corner. Not talking and at that point already plenty upset about being alone during class and having dinner canceled without a notice and the gifts that just showed how shallowly my friends apparently know me and how little they cared to know me. And just. No one noticed or cared. Which. Yeah. Really not a surprise anymore at that point. Best Friend had to go after only an hour because work early in the morning. Not her fault. But also kinda made me even more upset because I had LITERALLY only exchanged 5 sentences with her. And before the rest of us called it a night, I got into what I consider one of THE stupidest arguments I've ever been involved in with friend four... about the price of burgers at the Irish pub we go to. Because I had said that the new pub that opened up a month ago is too expensive for me since it charges 5€ more for a cheeseburger than our usual pub does. And she just got so... obsessedly vindictive. She had to look up the menues and rub it under my nose how it were "only" 4,10€. For one: Fuck you but 4,10 is still five and also have you never heard of mild exaggeration? Was the fucking price of fucking burgers really worth it to argue angrily about with someone who feels like rolling in needles at every argument because they make me uncomfortable, but... at my fucking birthday? Could you not let 5 be even just for the sake of it being my fucking birthday...? Now. As we leave the establishment and head home, let me return to friend six and things I hold her accountable for. I get being too emotionally drained or wired to do social events. So her canceling... an hour after we all had agreed to meet. Still sucked but yeah bipolar and depression. When she still came, I was happy. When I got her present... not so much. But when I overheard her talking to friend four while we waited for the bus and literally asking "It was good that I came to her birthday party after all, right?". Literally phrased as a question seeking validation. If she had directed that question toward me. Okay. Yeah. But toward another friend? What is this? "Oh yes you were so brave coming despite it all and putting up with her. How strong of you to endure", or what? So by the time I got off the bus, I literally couldn't keep the tears of disappointment down and cried for the following 10 minutes of walking through my city's ghetto at midnight. Fun times that. The final blow was kiiinda served when I got home to a 4 minute voice message from my best friend and I actually thought "at least she caught on with my mood and will now question me about it, showing that... at least one person paid attention to me on my birthday". It was about her mom whose birthday is one day after mine and about how she can be a real bitch (holy shit, that woman REALLY can be a petty bitch, I know that) and how glad my best friend is that unlike her mom, I'm an "amicable scorpion". And. Yeah. That's where I burst and sent her a message of how much I wish I wasn't so amicable because maybe then I would have spoken up at one of the muuultiple occasions of being upset that night. Which. Not fair because only partially her fault, but I was just sooo done and crying hard enough that I was shaking too much to properly type. Oh. To round it all off: The majority of my online friends, the ones I've been friends with for years and many to whom I always felt like I had a closer friendship to than to the friends physically close to me, completely forgot about my birthday and didn't congratulate me at all or only belatedly. My oldest friend who moved away a year ago didn't wish me a happy birthday at all and in fact STILL hasn't as much as messaged me. Both my aunts AND my uncle forgot my birthday, even though my family has a hard tradition that every household calls the one who has birthday to congratulate. It's an important thing of basic politeness, really. Yeah. That's why I don't like my birthday because I already feel unimportant, unwanted and uninteresting enough on a daily basis, but on the one day where you're supposed to be celebrated and the center of attention...? Stuff like this just validates my opinion of myself and why I keep my self-esteem in the basement. Because apparently people I love and care about can't even be bothered to know me at all - because THAT is what the presents are about, not about how much they cost but about how much thought went into them. Or, heck, they flat out can't be bothered to remember my birthday at all. Because caring about me is quite clearly something that is asking too much.

[punionrings]

i saw wonder woman, here’s my review:

short review: 5/10, not bad, but not really original and extremely overhyped

much, much, longer review (with spoilers):

okay honestly I don’t like superhero movies to begin with. but my bf convinced me to go cuz he likes going to the movies and I.... do not. i hate going to the movie theater.

but we went. and the longer the movie went on the less impressed i was. i really did like the beginning on the amazon island, i thought was pretty cool. but slowly, i was realizing two things:

1. i was going to guess every plot device and twist of this movie very, very quickly

2. things were going to happen and not be explained at all.

as soon as it was brought up that the amazons are the protectors of the good of man, but they don’t bear children, it made me think... do the amazons age? how quickly does diana age? do we assume that between the time of the ancient greeks and world war i, diana ages MAYBE 25 years or so? there’s definitely amazons that die during the beach scene, but do they die of natural causes? if they don’t bear children, and they DO age, what happens if they all die off before ares does return??

and diana is built up to be an intelligent, well-read young woman. so why can’t she figure out that she is not actually an amazon like everyone else is? her mom flat out tells her she isn’t before she leaves. why isn’t she demanding answers about why she is different then?? like she gets the “made from clay” thing but it becomes obvious VERY QUICKLY that something is amiss. as soon as her mom brings up the sword being the god-killer and she said “diana wasn’t meant to wield it,” i immediately thought “it’s because that sword isn’t the special tool, is it.....”

and why the secrecy? doesn’t the queen of the amazons, the leader of the race of women literally made to defeat the evil ares, WANT the actual god-killer (diana) to be well trained enough for the inevitable day that ares does come back? why would she defy zeus’s wishes by not training her to the best of her ability? and diana does that force-blast thing during the training scene. is that an amazon thing or just something diana can do? and she doesn’t even question it? WHY NOOOT?

also: the barrier around the island. is it supposed to be impenetrable? if so, how could steve/the germans get through out of nowhere? if not, how did NOTHING get through over the course of several millennia??

okay but the beach battle scene is cool. got that.

so steve shows up. there’s a dick joke. i roll my eyes and pray the rest of the movie doesn’t have the same “haha diana doesn’t understand relationships or males, haha THAT’S FUNNY!!!” humor. but i was sadly disappointed by the end of the movie. for being hyped as a female-positive movie, they really built up the “diana-is-a-silly-naive-girl” thing, and it got annoying very quickly.

so then diana’s ready to leave the island. she sneaks into the tower with the weapons and shit in them. but... she does that long jump thing to jump to the tower? how did she know she could do that? again, is that something all amazons can do or did she literally take a leap of faith after trying ONCE right before she tried??

okay, so... she leaves with steve. i thought the boat scene was nice. it sets steve up so that he isn’t inherently interested in wooing diana. in fact, it really builds it up that steve wants to respect her boundaries as she has lived a sheltered life and doesn’t really understand modern living or relationships. so this leads me to think, hey, maybe they can have a nice respectful platonic, comradeship-like relationship? where there’s no forced love interest and they can work together without having to be together??

nah.

anyways i wanna switch gears to the chemist lady. with all the hype and buildup through the whole movie, i honestly thought she was going to be the perfect foil to diana. but... the movie does nothing with her? her character goes LITERALLY NOWHERE. with the german general whose name i cannot even remember being built up as the Big Bad, i honestly thought SHE was going to be the actual villain toward the end of the movie? but you could replace her character with Background Scientist #3 and it would’ve had the same effect?

she’s the perfect foil to diana, being that she is a female in a position of power on the opposite side of the army, but doing the “bad” thing to diana’s “good” thing. she could have easily been ares in a new form and be using the general as a puppet to engineer her ideas and implement them in the war. and what was with the hulk-out gas shit? that would’ve made PERFECT sense if she was actually ares and she was using Big Bad General as her puppet, but that NEVER GETS EXPLAINED. if she was ares, she could’ve had a whole hulked-out army of germans snorting this weird gas for a climactic finish to the movie. but it just.... never gets explained. why did this gas exist?!?!?!

but... she’s not ares. she barely has a name. at the end of the movie, diana has the chance to kill her, and just has that realization that, hey, everyone chooses to be good or evil? so she just lets her go free?  then WHY BUILD HER TO BE SO BAD???

here’s what i would have rather happened with the doctor: she comes from a troubled life from some poor eastern european country, but works hard and rises above her station as a woman during this time and becomes a well-known and successful scientist. so she is put in a position of power by the german army, who respect her work instead of scorning her for being an intelligent woman. so she’s “evil” through the whole movie, but at the climax when diana realizes humanity can choose between doing good or doing evil, why not show the doctor doing something inherently good, like saving the german soldiers lives from the fire or something, to let diana see that even this wicked woman is trying to do something that she can consider good?

also, sidenote here: by not doing that, i felt like it actually made the germans more sympathetic? because here we have the british army not listening to anything diana tells them, even though she is obviously very intelligent and knows what she’s talking about. but then we have the Big Bad Germans, who have a woman in a high position of power building weapons for them, and not a single one degrades her because she is a woman. like..... what? that’s the OPPOSITE message you want to be sending, isn’t it???

also, her mask was cool but pointless. she could’ve earned the scars from like..... physical abuse, or as war injuries, but they are never explained and neither is the mask. it would’ve made a perfect symbol at the end of her shedding her “evil” mask, by doing something good and THEN the mask falls off?

anyways........

i don’t know where we are at this point in the movie so i’ll just continue with random thoughts. i thought steve’s companions were actually kind of cool and an interesting twist on the “rag-tag team of bumbling soldiers” trope, and i wish they developed their plights more. like with ptsd, leaving your dreams behind to fight in a war you don’t want to be in, being in a strange land after being kicked out of your homeland, etc. i feel like at the end of the movie their parts were kind of... neutered? like i wish we had some resolution to see what happened to them all? did charlie ever get help or find happiness? did sammy ever really become an actor? did chief ever go back to america? but instead they all kind of just stand around with diana at the end celebration scene, their interesting plots not being developed any further.

i thought the no-mans land/village fight scene was also cool, with steve and the steve gang helping diana fight off the siege army. sidenote: i thought it would’ve been a perfect moment after the fight was over and she’s standing on the church, to throw in an eponymous moment, maybe with one of the villagers going “oh my gosh, she’s... a wonder of a woman! a wonder woman!” and they just keep calling her that. what a missed opportunity.

the village scene was cute up until steve and diana kiss, then i wanted to vomit because i knew they were not going to stick with the platonic-comrade relationship and switch it to a forced romantic one instead.  also, when they cut away from them kissing, t9o the outside of the inn with just their bedroom light on, was it subtly implying that they were banging afterwards? i wasn’t entirely sure, but either way, I REALLY HOPE NOT.

anyways....... the gala event was interesting, i guess? it let steve’s “spy” side kind of show through, and it actually made me jump from “i can’t believe they got troy from high school musical to play this role” to “wow zac efron is actually a pretty good actor.” and it had yet another scene where the chemist lady could be a good foil to diana’s character, what with the male-and-female duos being swapped for a moment, but hooray, missed opportunities everywhere.

okay so i’m just gonna jump to the film climax. it’s here that the movie went from “pretty good” to “mediocre” for me

okay so....... i wasn’t expecting the ares twist, but only because of how fucking stupid it was. casting david thewlis as ares is possibly the most ridiculous choice of casting i’ve ever seen. if ares and diana are the children of ZEUS, and diana is built up through the movie to be this beautiful, other-worldly looking woman, why not build ares to be the same? a thinner, taller, gaunt-er(?) actor would’ve been perfect.  someone like benedict cumberbatch would have been a good role, seeing as how he’s tall, thin, old enough to be playing the part of a general but not so “plain” looking to be silly looking overall? and also, an actor without a mustache. the mustache really threw me off for some reason, it just looked ridiculous. are greek gods literally ever portrayed with mustaches, or was that just the “form” he took? it was just.... Dumb. but we pretty much got the British Grandpa look for the big bad, and it was just really weird.

but when remus lupin reveals himself as ares, i was actually expecting the twist to be “ares raped diana’s mom so that’s why she has god powers,” which to me would’ve explained why diana’s mom was so hell-bent on protecting her from him. but... they didn’t. it wasn’t that big of a deal but the real reveal was extremely lackluster to me.

also, i just did not get ares’ motives. if he’s not the god of war, but the god of truth, then why didn’t the gods believe him when he told them that humans would eventually fuck up the earth? did zeus put the amazons in charge of keeping him in line because he wanted humans to fuck up the earth? and why did ares care so much to make the world better if he obviously was slighted by the rest of the gods and vindicated for his beliefs? what does he fucking care that the world is going to shit?? he’s a GOD. he can fuck off to whatever plane of existence he damn well pleases and just ignore humanity until the end of time.

oh and let’s not forget that steve did tell diana that he loves her. i fucking saw it coming a mile away. i knew as soon as they did the explosion deafness that that would happen. as soon as steve’s motive to sacrifice himself was apparent i fucking knew they were gonna really shove that love plot down our throats.

okay, also, on the topic of explosion deafness: thank fucking christ there’s a blockbuster movie that actually uses that accurately? but it NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN!! like why make it work in ONE scene but not the rest ????!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay so.... end of the movie, it’s the present day. bruce wayne finds the film slide of diana + The Boys, somehow, because he’s the batman™ and whatever, he has the money to do that. but at the end of the movie, two questions really bug me:

1. WHY DOES DIANA WORK AT THE LOUVRE MUSEUM?? like, a history museum would make sense. she could be an expert on like, ancient greece? but why the louvre????

2. how “old” is diana at this point? does she use a secret identity when fighting crime, or do the people she work with just know like, “yeah that’s diana, she’s like hundreds of years old, she doesn’t age very quickly, and she has superpowers and fights crime in her spare time.” does she use diana prince as a “normal” persona and fights crime “in disguise”? it’s kind of ambiguous and i feel like will be really important later on in the justice league movie? but it’s just never brought up and it really bugged me.

anyways...... i thought it was alright. if you enjoyed this movie, that’s cool. but what i thought i was walking into was a great kick-ass girl power movie that broke the typical gender stereotypes in superhero movies, but what i got was genderswapped captain america. i thought gal gadot was a pretty good pick for the lead, but one reddit comment summed up her acting to me perfectly:

“Gal Gadot had two facial expressions as Diana Prince: Confused puppy-dog look, and “Confident Warrior” look.”

anyways if you like superhero movies you’ll probably like it. don’t let me stop you from enjoying it, but it definitely did not meet my (probably ridiculously) high expectations.