#also the engine is gonna be MIA for a little while because I’m trying to figure out his face]

[ultimatedemonsimp]

I've had all of this on my mind for too long and I refuse to apologize for what I'm about to do, but I understand that I'm prolly trash.

Bakers Family Tickle Headcanons

Jack Baker

Pre-infection:

This semi-sweet old man is a switch

Mainly goes after Zoe and Lucas, but does get into tickle fights with Marguerite pretty regularly (most of which he loses, btw)

Absolutely does the whole tickle monster spiel, don't even argue with me, I'm also pretty confident that he teases with compliments

Somewhat rough, but not too much

Raspberries are his favorite fruits. Just look at that man's gd beard-

Doesn't push anyone past their limits

Mostly likes to suprise his lee (leaning over the back of the couch, jumping at them or from behind corners, ect.)

Basically, even before Eveline and her "gift", you still couldn't walk around that house without feeling like you were about to be attacked by him

Old man is also very ticklish

Mostly tickled by Marguerite, but, every once in a while, Lucas has the nuts to get his father back

Ribs, stomach, sides and hips are his worst spots, mostly belly laughs

Likes to receive raspberry as much as he likes to give them

6/10 for ticklishness

Post-infection:

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-

LER

With ever cell in his mold body, ler

Still tickles his family, but it's become more directed at Eveline and Lucas

That being said, he's very gentle with Eveline, the hivemind making sure he knows exactly what she wants and when

He still has tickle fights with Marguerite, but they've have become more savage and only slightly less loving

Zoe no longer interacts with the family enough to really do any of that anymore

But Lucas... poor Lucas gets his shit wrecked regularly.

A few long gone "family members" have been subjected to this sadistic old man's wrath, as well, but that's not to be dwelled on

As said above, Jack has become a sadistic fuck

Very rough, but not enough to leave bruises

Still uses the tickle monster act, but is much less affectionate than before, taking to scolding and/or insults instead of compliments when tickling someone other than Eveline

Still has his love of raspberries, giving and receiving

Limits? Don't know 'em

Is still as ticklish as before, same places, same reactions, if not a little more dramatic or erratic

Loves to chase his lees, taunting them the whole time (think of the shit he says while looking for Ethan in-game, but alter some of them a little)

Still 6/10, but he's a drama queen.

Marguerite Baker

Pre-infection

Mama of the year is a switch

Other than the tickle fights with Jack, she mainly goes after Lucas and sometimes Zoe

Very loving with her children, mostly does the "coochi-coo" kind of teases

A little bit mean to her husband tho-

She does the "now what are you doin' down there?" that I'm pretty sure all moms do

Really likes to back her lee up against a wall so they can slide down it and she gets to use that line

Stops far before her lee's limit

Southern mama is ticklish, but much less than her husband

Worst spots are the soles of her feet and underneath her toes, shrieks for days

Everywhere else is mostly giggles, whines, and the occasional squeal

Ticklishness is a 4/10

Post-infection

Another one that went from a pretty sweet switch to a mean ler

On rare occasions, she send her little bugs to crawl around on her lee

Not biting, not eating them alive, just walking and fluttering around

Still goes after Lucas, but not as much as Jack does

Is only a little rough with her little baby boy

Zoe doesn't stay around them long enough for tickles

Eveline, of course, is her main lee, who she is very gentle with

Tickle fights with Jack are more rough, though she sometimes tries to start and keep them light, which only really happens a few times every year, when the two of them are cuddled up together in the same bed like a proper husband and wife, tired enough to not want to full-on wrestle, but not enough to get them to sleep

Like her husband, she likes to chase her lee and search for them while they hide

Unlike her husband, she prefers to stay rather quiet, occasionally making comments on finding her lee

Only knows Lucas' and Eveline's limits, anyone else is fucked

Still ticklish, it was actually enhanced a little

Places other than her toes and soles produce more than giggles

Bumped up to a 5/10

Lucas Baker

Pre-infection

Boi is a lee-leaning switch that can't catch a break

Everyone in this house is trying to tickle him at every opportunity

Has tickled people back, but not often, other than Zoe

Him and Zoe have always had very rough and mean tickle fights

Whenever he tickled his father back, he tried to be mean, but it didn't work all that well

Actually just ended up just getting wrecked again afterwards-

Doesn't try to get his mama back though, doesn't mind it all that much from her

Gets Zoe at every chance, though

There's a 50/50 chance he'll respect limits

Ticklish everywhere, but especially his knees and waist

9/10, very ticklish boi

Post-infection

This mans lost all his fight-

Lee, mostly because his old man tuckers him out so much that he can't move for at least ten minutes

Not fully though, he still pops into the trailer to annoy his sister almost weekly

To make sure suspicion doesn't arise, tickles Eveline from time to time, still hates her

Jesus christ, he though he was ticklish enough-

Damn near screeches everywhere

Went from frantically trying to push your hand off his knee while laughing like a maniac to kicking you in the face while screaming like a banshee

He gives off major brat vibes, so that's what I'm going with

Chase him. You won't be disappointed.

It can be running through the giant house or hiding in the bayou, he loves it

Pull a Jack Baker and taunt him, he'll run faster, but also make more mistakes, like getting cornered

Those things are what makes him hate his dad so much because that's always what he does

11/10, went from very ticklish boi to *incoherent screeching*

Zoe Baker

Before Eveline

Was already a ler

Went after the whole family, too

Sneak up behind Lucas while he's doing an engineer and attack with claws to the waist

Daddy's working on the car? Well, he'd better pull down the hem of his shirt or his tickle monster of a daughter is gonna attack

Mama can't cook without checking if her daughter's around every few seconds or she'll be interrupted by a familiar set of fingers kneading her sides

Doesn't tease her parents, but Lucas, of course, gets all of it

Playfully makes fun of him for not fighting it all too much

Got her ler from her father and her lee from her mother

Not very ticklish, but more than her ma'

Hips and stomach are the worst

5/10

After Eveline, the only tickle related things that happened or changed was that she didn't interact with anyone but Lucas.

THEY'RE HERE! FINALLY!

I may or may not make one specifically for Eveline and/or Mia.

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 15 Pt 1: The Gang Gets Lost in India

Ah, back to Yugioh classic. Sort of. We’re going into the second filler arc before Bakura, which I have been told is kind of nonsense. And youknow what, from the first scene--this is the first scene by the way--yeah I can see the nonsense.

We got Yami cosplaying as the Chrysler building, we got Yugi saying WTFWTF, we got...this thing?

This thing tells us “Join my game, Yugi!” and then the demon just kinda bounces.

K, bye, I guess.

(read more under the cut)

Waking up from this nightmare, Yugi reveals that he has outgrown his good pajamas. Or maybe he just overused them like I did to my favorite pajamas during quarantine (which, not gonna lie, I hand sewed my favorite pajama pants back together 2 or 3 times like they were the Velveteen Rabbit. Quarantine pajamas and me were like best buds for a year there.)

RIP Yugi’s good pajamas.

It’s fine. I’m fine.

I can get used to Yugi in his normal ass old man pajamas without any cute stars on them. I can accept this. He’s getting older. So much older that for a second I thought he was learning Hebrew, by the looks of his books on his counter. I thought...wow, is Yugi actually attempting to learn a language spoken around the time of ancient Egyptians???

But uh...I went a searching and unfortunately that’s not Hebrew, and if that is a language, I don’t know what it is. Pretty sure it’s just random marks because this show has to be translated in so many languages. Man. For a second there that looked like really sneaky world building, but nah, Yugi is still kind of a dumbass who has yet to attend a solid year of school.

Also, I got to take in this mustard yellow as if I’ve seen it for the first time.

It has strong building blocks energy. It’s...so much yellow and it’s extremely the vibe of that one set of animal crossing decorations that I have because it’s a very common recipe, but, can’t figure out for the life of me how to fit into any room.

What am I supposed to do with these, Nintendo? Other than recreate Yugi’s Muto’s haunted game store/house?

Like I live in the Bay area and we have wild painted houses so you can see them through the fog (back when we...still had fog, RIP California) --but this is a little much. This is such strong Protagonist energy but as a house.

Also, I’ve don’t think I’ve brought this up before, but like...Yugi is loaded, right? Like he’s way too good and humble to ever say he’s loaded, and they sort of make it seem like he’s not (when compared to Seto Kaiba) but damn, this location of his real estate sure is something. That and Grandpa’s tiny shop seems to run on a constant deficit and his family just doesn’t care.

We flash back a bit to Gramps sneaking out, and Yugi is like “oh great, my only Father figure I ever talk about is getting a backpack together and just...leaving without any notice, huh? Without telling me you were going to go? Didn’t think that would maybe be a little off putting?“ and Gramps is like “Yes?”

Like Gramps nearly died going to an amusement park a few episodes back so I can see why Yugi is a little bit concerned.

Down the street at a little town lottery, Joey is getting further into gambling (I don’t know what those little street lotteries are called, it’s in a lot of anime--but kinda looks like mom lotteries for moms.)

I’m not sure why India is on Joey Wheeler’s bucket list, seems a little random, but he went to Pegasus’ country, after all and that’s barely even a country.

Joey going nuts on a lottery machine instead of going to school was pretty peak filler, so I’m not really minding this stuff so far.

And then, just to spook me, check this out:

I can’t believe they even let them back into a classroom. In my nerd school, if you missed one too many days, you were sent to the bad schools to be someone else’s problem. But in Yugi’s case...that either IS his school or...Yugi is failing International School, which is just a thing he’s allowed to do, because, as I said before, this kid has got to be loaded. Even Seto Kaiba was like “I’m not spending money on this school anymore. That outfit is like 50 bucks a jacket.”

Youknow, I have seen all the other characters knock on Tea’s choice of cute ass monsters for the last 5 seasons, and she has never once changed them out. She is holding onto this scary seraphim thing with the many wings like every child with their first Pidgey. She does not care.

Also how is this thing cute?

like the front of this orb has a face with hearts on it but like...it is kind of remarkable what Yugioh decides is cute. Magma golem: not cute. this thing? This thing that looks like it’s a chibi version of the last chapters of the bible and will sound the trumpets of the second coming? So cuuuuute.

Tristan used to be the Janitor/hall monitor/square archetype. Like hell he can walk around with that 00′s R+B soundtrack.

Joey appears in order to get us the hell out of school, and the art team retires this school background for the rest of what I assume is this entire series.

Goodbye school. Maybe you’ll come back with Bakura. Which would be weird, since rumor is that arc takes place in ancient Egypt.

On their walk home, Tea lets out in an inner monologue that no one could hear that after 5 straight seasons of his BS, she’s sick and tired of Pharaoh being the center of attention all the time and she needs a freakin break.

TBH, as she was thinking in her head like “Pharoah is just so freakin much” Yugi switched over to Pharaoh and was like “WHATS UP TEA, THINKING ABOUT ME??” and I thought for a split second maybe he read her mind with his Pharaoh powers.

And like...maybe he did? Seems like a thing he can just do but chooses not to tell anyone about. I mean would you tell anyone? I wouldn’t.

So, unlike Miho in Season Zero, who at least had the decency to try to take her Mother to Australia, Joey Wheeler has wisely decided that the 3 other ticket holders will not be the 3 other members of his immediate family. That would have been the most awkward trip between Serenity, his mother he hasn’t really spoken to in 7 years, and his absent father who was written out of the series for being a raging alcoholic. They would have not even made it to the plane.

Instead he’s gonna take the ghost in Yugi’s head and call that an adult (two tickets in one, really). It’s honestly not that bad of a plan, since his only other father figure, Grandpa, is MIA, and his only other, other father figure, Roland, charges like 300 dollars an hour and wants stock options and health insurance.

And honestly they should have taken Roland because he’s one of their best plane guys.

So they take the smallest little Amelia Earheart plane in the world, going from Japan to (checks map) India...which 2 times the distance this plane can go and it crashes...which is exactly what would happen if you took a teeny tiny plane over the Himalayan mountains without refueling that thing.

We call this a magical incident later in the episode, but this is just basic math.

So, fun fact, (and probably why I discuss planes so often on this blog) two of my Grandfathers were pilots (well, three, since my grandmother remarried another pilot), which sounds like a crazy coincidence until you recall that their generation was in WW2 and we just shoved children in planes for 20 years and called that normal.

Anyway, to save on travel costs, my engineer Grandfather built his own plane out of junkyard parts, which, as you can imagine, is a living nightmare, and it was held together by like duct tape and gasoline (which at one time used to be cheap). Tempted God every day that Howls Moving Castle touched the sky.

And while I only know it from photos since I wasn’t exactly born yet, it looked exactly like this plane. So looking at this, all I can think is...yeah...that’s what you get for flying to India in a tin can car. To this day I cannot trust any plane of this size.

So, they climb out of their wreckage virtually unscathed and into familiar Californian territory.

At least Joey thought about bringing a tent.

It’s interesting how our cast has become so accustomed to this that they’re not even all that shell shocked. It’s just another day in the life.

So next time we shall find out what India has in store for us. Or if we’re even in India...because again...feels a lot like this BG team doesn’t do any research into their landscapes and every place feels a whole lot of the same. But...at least they didn’t put any Arizonan mesas in India.

[thoradvice]

I don't know if you're still doing this but I'll send this because I don't have anyone to vent about that subject. I've been studying engineering since 2017, and if I was a regular (and if it wasn't for covid) I'd graduate next year. Due to personal matters I was two years behind (before covid, now I'm probably 4) because I failed important subjects and I feel more unmotivated every single day. I've been having doubts about it since 2019 but now I'm sure this is not what I want to do, especially after the pandemic. Online classes has been a nightmare and I feel exhausted and sad all the time. Unfortunately I don't feel comfortable saying this to my family because I've been 4 years into this, even tho I'm a few years behind because both my parents are unemployed and the person that provides for me and my mom will go crazy with this.

i am always taking advice asks, unless my inbox is closed ! my life has been pretty hectic at the moment, which is why i’ve been a little mia. i’m gonna try to answer them more regularly from now.

i’m sorry that you’re at such odds with what you’re studying. i want you to know that it’s more than okay for you to change your field of study. you’d be surprised at how many people do. it can be a huge, scary change to make, because of financial reasons and family opinions - the issues that you’re having. but that’s going to be a few months, maybe a year, of problems, right? compared to a lifetime of regret as an unhappy engineer. 

i will say for you to go into this with a plan, though. since finances are an issue for you, start applying to any jobs you can find. whether it’s minimum wage fast food / retail or something different. anything will begin to bring money in for you and start to create a safety net. i know very little about engineering, but i’d assume you’d be able to get a start-up job in that field with the few years of education you do have. i know this seems counter-productive, but it’ll pay a lot more than most. this’ll also show your family that you’re serious and committed to this change, and hopefully sway them into supporting you. i don’t know your family, of course, but it may at least get them off of your back for a little while.

do you still want to pursue higher education ? if so, i’d recommend looking into courses and such, so that you have a longer term plan to present to your family. if not, trade school is just as valid, and will likely be quicker than a degree, and quicker to earn money, too. it’s completely okay to not know, but figuring these things out will definitely make the transition smoother, even if you don’t pursue your goal right away.

in short, you are absolutely allowed to quit. however, don’t go into it blind. sort out your finances, talk to your family, show them you’re serious, figure out where you can or want to go next. best of luck, anon.

[crayonwriting]

Angel Eyes

(Javier Pena x Reader)

So, this was inspired by a song of the same title by Abba. I love Mamma Mia (the first and the second one) even though the timelines don't match. I think Javi would fit this description very well. I’m not really confident with how I wrote this. I might rewrite this in the future but I just had to get this out. Hope you’ll all still like it, though. Tell me what you think.

It was a hectic shift at the hospital and you knew you needed to let loose. You and Connie agreed to go to the bar tonight and have a few drinks. She was bringing Elisa Alvarez, the new nurse, along to get to know her. 

You were just halfway through your first beer when a voice called out to your group from behind. You didn’t have to turn around because in an instant Steve was there beside your table. 

“Honey.” He leaned and gave Connie a chaste kiss. “Didn’t think you guys were the drinking kind.”

“Oh please, if you have Y/N as a best friend, every night is a drinking night.” She smirked.

“Hey. I consider that a compliment.” You lifted your bottle to Steve. “What are you doing here?” You asked. “Are you alone? You can sit with us. Elisa’s new.” You gestured to her. Steve politely introduced himself and they shook hands. 

“It was a rough day at work.” Steve shrugged. “And I’m not alone.” He pointed to the middle of the bar, you turned, and there sat Javier Peña, downing a glass of whiskey. 

Your breath caught in your throat and you turned back to your group. The grip you had on your bottle tightened. You haven’t seen Javi since you broke up months ago. You avoided him at all costs but seeing as your best friend is his partner’s wife, then you should’ve known it was inevitable.

Steve seemed to notice the sight tension in the air. “Alright, I’ll leave you ladies to it.” He gave Connie a quick kiss before leaving. Connie looked at you sympathetically and offered a small smile. 

"Sorry 'bout that."

You dismissed her with your hand and said that it was nothing. The conversation within your group continued and the topic of Javier was temporarily gone. That is until you noticed Elisa wasn't focused on your group anymore. 

When you looked at her, she had her gaze pointed past you, towards the other end of the bar—exactly where Steve and Javi sat. 

"Oh my god." You turned back to Elisa who kept glancing to where Steve and Javi sat. "Just a fair warning, he's not worth it." 

Elisa's gaze turned to you as a small smile was plastered on her face from looking at him from across the bar.

"What do you mean?" She asked. Connie chuckled softly and told her that Javi was not just an old friend of yours. It took her a moment before she finally got it. 

"Oooh." Her eyes grew wide in realisation. You brushed off her comment while taking another swig at your beer.

"As I said, he's not worth it."

"What happened?" Elisa asked. 

"Here we go again." Connie playfully mumbled as she took a sip of her own drink. You flicked a ketchup packet towards her.

"What is that supposed to mean, huh?" You said with mirth. "It's a good thing that Elisa knows about it. I'm actually doing her a favour." 

"Is he that bad?"

"It depends on what you consider as 'bad'" You finished off your beer, raising it up towards the bar, asking for another. Turning back to your friends, you continued. "Don't be deceived by his macho demeanour. That's how he overpowers you. And," you raised a finger to prove your point, "Never look into his eyes."

Elisa chuckled. "His eyes?"

"Yes. Oh god, one look to his eyes and you're dead. He'll have you wrapped around his finger! And before you know it, he's gone. You're gonna be left crying and alone." You took a huge gulp from your drink once more.

Connie was chuckling to herself as you ranted about your failed relationship with the agent. She saw how you were not over Javi and based on what Steve tells her, Javi is still hung up on you as well. You just don’t know it. 

"While I was walking home last night, I saw him with a girl. And he had the look." You widened your eyes and wiggled your eyebrows in emphasis. "The same look he gave me and I suddenly got chills. I just wanted to run up and tell her to escape while she could." You pointed to her. "Poor girl." 

You finished your second beer for the night and you were starting to feel dizzy. But the reminder of Javier Peña made you want to drink more, and the fact that he was there in the same bar you were in was not helping. You stood up from your seat and ordered two shots of tequila which you downed almost immediately.  Feeling the alcohol burn in your throat made you feel better.

—

"Easy there, Y/N. C'mon, one foot first." Connie urged as you tried your best to get into the car. You've had one too many and now you were completely wasted. You were being held up by Steve and Javi. The four of you were headed home. They had offered Elisa a ride but she refused, saying that she lived just nearby. 

"Connie…,” you grumbled. “The world is spinning!” You giggled a little before falling over the backseat of the car.

“I’ll sit with her.” She said to the two men. She got on and helped you sit up. You leaned on the glass window, already feeling the pounding headache.

“I’ll think I’ll walk home,” Javi said instantly. 

“What? We live in the same building.” Steve argued. “Stop being irrational. Get in the car.” Javi sighed. He shook his head and mumbled, ‘fuck’, before getting in the front seat. Just as Steve started the car, he turned to his partner. “Do you know where she lives?” 

Javier looked at Steve quietly. Steve knew about their relationship so, why was he asking these questions now? Of course, he knew where you lived. He’s memorised every single thing about you. Forgetting you was like trying to forget his own name. 

Javi glanced at Connie in the backseat, who was pre-occupied with you, before returning his gaze to Steve. “Yeah.” He mumbled and looked forward. Steve smirked to himself and the four of you were off.

The car ride was silent, except for Javi giving directions to Steve. You kept mumbling and groaning about how your head is killing you and the urge to puke was strong. But then, you grew quiet.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Connie put a hand on your shoulder. “Do you want to pull over and get some air?”

You stared at her with tear-filled eyes. You sniffed and ungraciously wiped your nose with your forearm.

“Connie,” you started. “I miss him. I miss Javi.”

The car suddenly seemed small and all three of them looked at each other. Javier sat up straighter and looked out the window. How he wished he could jump off the car right now. Connie cleared her throat to say something but you cut her off.

“I know I kept telling Elisa about Javi and how she-she shouldn’t look at his eyes and oh! Connie!” You scooted closer to her and lay your head across her lap. “Javi has angel eyes. No wonder everyone falls for him.” You let out a few tears before continuing, “I miss him, Connie. And I still love him. So much.” Connie glanced at Javier who was as still as a rock.

“Shh, Y/N. Get some sleep.” She urged. You continued to sniffle and cry silently before you fell asleep.

It took only a few more minutes before they finally reached your house. Steve stopped in front of it and turned the engine off. The three of them stayed silent with no one uttering a word. Javi felt uneasy with hearing your confession and he didn’t actually know what to do right now. He felt the same way but he also knew that you were drunk right now and won’t remember most of what you’ve just said. 

He rubbed a hand down his face and sighed. He looked at you, sleeping peacefully and his heart swelled. He looked at Steve who gave him a look that said, ‘Don’t fuck up this time.’

“I’ll take her inside.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. With all the gentleness he could muster, he carried you in his arms, careful not to jostle you awake. Connie and Steve helped and got the door open—with Javi telling them that there was a spare key hidden by the second potted plant to the left. They all got inside and helped you to bed. 

Connie and Steve left the room, leaving you and Javi alone. He pulled the sheets to protect your body from the cold. He brushed your hair away from your face. He felt guilty for doing what he did and in no way was it right, no matter the circumstances. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way and he’d been kicking himself about it since then.

“Javi…”

He tensed at the sound of your voice. You sighed before your breath evened out again. Even in your dreams, you were still thinking of him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve you. He let out a breath and looked at your sleeping form.

“I’m going to make things right with you, Y/N.”

—

permanent tag: @awkwardfangirl2014​

pedro pascal tag: @thinemineours​ / @lavenderl3mons / @maryan028​ / @fioccodineveautunnale​ / @pascalisthepunkest​

[betheflame]

Peter, Peter, Purple Pumpkin Eater Fill for @tonystarkbingo flash bingo. Card 018: Square “Juice Pops” Ship: Bucky/Steve/Tony

_____

“Dad?”

Tony was knee deep in manure when Peter called to him, so turning around was not really going to be easy. 

“Are you bleeding?”

“No,” came the response. 

“Has anyone we love died?”

“No.”

“Then please can it wait?” 

“No.” 

Tony assumed that being five was hard. That’s what all the doctors told him, that being Peter was hard. He was too smart for his body and for nearly all of his friends. Add to that he’d gotten his mother’s super sensitivity - worst relationship decision Tony had made, and that was a competitive list - and so being Peter Stark was a challenge for Peter Stark. 

And, if Tony was completely frank, one for Tony Stark as well. 

He let out a deep sigh and then used leverage from the tools he was using to twist himself enough to see his son.

Who was purple. 

“Petey,” Tony said slowly, “what’s the deal with the purple, buddy?”

“I took all the juice pops and put them in the tub and then they all melteded and then I took a bath cause I wanted to see what would happen and I found out but now I’m all sticky and I need help.”

Tony couldn’t fault the logic or the crass use of the scientific method. 

“Where’s Angela?” 

“She’s on the phone,” Peter said. Peter’s nanny was always on the phone. Peter’s nanny would not be employed for much longer. 

Tony spied the garden hose and motioned for his personal grape to come closer. Once Peter was within range, he put the hose on and spent the next several minutes attempting to powerwash his son. 

When Peter was born, Tony thought he could coparent with Shania, he really did. She was… pleasant enough and he’d taken to the idea of fatherhood quite quickly so he thought they could make it work. And then she started demanding quite a lot of things that Tony wasn’t so sure had anything to do with being a mother and some conversations had happened and Tony became a very doting single dad to a moppet who had loads of family, even if only one of them was related by blood. 

The farm had been as much of a surprise as Peter. When the kid was 3, a lawyer showed up at Tony’s office and informed him that he’d inherited a farm from some cousin of his mother’s that he’d never heard of and that it was actually fairly functionable. After a little hemming and hawing, he decided that he could design tech nearly anywhere and had enough money to live on for a bit while he learned to get his hands dirty and figured he’d make a go of it. 

And thus, Tribble Farms was born. Anyone who got the reference whenever they headed to the farmers market got an automatic 10% discount. 

Just as Tony was finished getting the majority of the purple sugar sheen off of Peter’s skin, the gravel of the driveway gave signal that the farmhand truck was pulling up. 

“MR. STEEEEEEEEEEEVE,” Peter yelled and took off at a run, scampering away from the hose and into the arms of his second favorite person on the farm. 

“You lose a water gun fight, Petey Pie?” Steve said, scooping the boy up onto his shoulders - Peter’s favorite place. 

As Peter launched into the explanation about why he was still kinda purple and very, very wet, Tony quickly scraped a bit at the mud he’d created. If he could mix the manure in while it was - 

A hand wrapped around his on the pole of the hoe. “I got it.” 

Tony looked up into the grey-blue eyes of James Barnes, Steve’s boyfriend and the farm’s newest hire. Who also happened to be the last man Tony slept with when he took a rare weekend off and away from Peter six months before. 

When James had shown up with Steve the week before for work, Tony had nearly swallowed his tongue and James looked fairly surprised as well. 

“You guys together long?” Tony asked casually - or so he hoped. 

“Uh,” Steve cut a look over to James, “about three years?” 

Tony’s stomach dropped out. He liked Steve a lot - as an employee, as a human, as a fantasy object. He can’t believe he helped someone cheat on this man. 

“We like playing around,” James drawled out. “So the time is kinda irrelevant.” 

Steve looked at James and then looked at Tony and then laughed. “Is he the engineer you keep… we’re pretty open, Tony. You didn’t do anything I didn’t know about.” 

But in the week since? James had simply joined Tony’s fantasies of Steve and being a productive boss was becoming more… challenging. 

“When you gonna fire the girl?” James asked as he took the hoe from Tony. 

“Now that you guys are back from town? About ten minutes,” Tony sighed. 

James chuckled. “He’s a good kid, Tony. I think the three of us can manage him and the farm.” 

“MR. BUCKY, MR. STEVE SAID YOU SHOULD HOSE ME OFF.”

“Speaking of,” James said with a wider smile and turned towards where Peter and Steve were standing. 

“I think you’re already wet enough, kid,” James replied. “I think what you need is scrubbed down. Come on into the barn, I think Scooter won’t mind sharing his brush.”

Peter scrambled away from Steve and ran off towards the barn with James, which left Steve standing in a damp shirt but wearing a giant grin. “God, I love that kid.”

“He’s pretty lovable,” Tony affirmed. 

“So’s his dad,” Steve said. 

Tony was about to flirt back and laugh it off when Steve took a step closer. “When we said we were open, it’s because we’ve been trying to find a third. We want to be in a settled triad but we didn’t find anyone who fit. Then Buck told me about this guy that he could never find again and now we know it’s you…”

Tony gaped at him. “You both…”

“What, you only into brunets?” Steve’s eyes twinkled and Tony licked his lips to hold back a laugh. 

“Hey now,” Tony held up his hand. “I’m open to being convinced otherwise.”

“Friday night, Nat said she’d come in and hang out with Peter. And Buck said it’s time to drop the ‘James’.” 

It was a statement of an invitation rather than a question, and Tony simply nodded. 

________

“DAD,” Peter called. “ARE YOU READY.”

“I’m old, not deaf,” Tony grumbled back. 

“What trail are you guys doing?” Bucky asked from the couch. He and Steve were curled up, watching Frozen for the seven hundredth time with the two youngest Stark kids - Mia and Emily. 

“One that makes Dad cry,” Peter said back. “He lost the bet.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony waved him off. He kissed both of his husbands, and his daughters, and then headed off to hike a mountain with the man he still remembered as the kid who loved juice pops so much, he wanted to bathe in them.

[awakendreamersworld]

Here’s chapter 6! I’ll Set You Free As I Remain Trapped Beneath The Sea

Emily and her friends followed Maria's scent trail to an island, they all poke their head up above the surface of the water to see two islands, one was separated from the bigger island that seemed to have lights and a small town. "I'm pretty sure your 'friend' is in that town on that island." Alice said and they ducked back down into the water, "Ok, we need to come up with a plan..." Emily said trying to think. Alice looked around and then down to see Doria swimming underneath them following Maria's scent, then Alice got an idea to bust Maria as payback for stealing their friend. "You stay here and think of a plan, Emily. We'll look around down there for some 'stuff,' ok?" She said, "Ok, be careful." Alice said and the three girls went down to Doria. "Hey Doria!" Alice called, Doria looked up and saw Alice, Bianca and Stacy swimming towards her "What are you girls doing here!? Its dangerous!" She said, "We're 'helping' Emily find her lost friend. And we know where she is." Alice said with an evil grin, "Really!? Where?" Doria said "She's in the human town over there on the island." Alice said pointing to the islands direction, "Oh sweet coral, Maria..." Doria said shaking her head, "Maybe if we wait for her at this other island she'll come, and we can bring her back home!" Alice said with a smug face. Doria sighed, "I hope so..." She said and wen towards the other island that was separated from the one with the town, "Hey! What are you guys doing down there?" Emily called "Oh, nothing!" Alice said and swam up to Emily, "Hey, I have an idea! Why don't we wait at this smaller island and I'm pretty sure Maria will come! I mean, we can smell her scent, she's obviously been here." Alice said evilly and with a smug look. "Yeah, your right! Ok!" Emily said happily actually thinking it might just work and all three of them swam to the separated island.

The next sunny day, Giulia opened her window yet again and played trumpet noises that startled Alberto and Maria awake. "Rise and shine, guys! Time to start fishing and delivering!" Giulia said excitedly, "Does she always have to do that?" Maria said, "Unfortunately..." Alberto said jumping down from the tree "C'mon Maria, we're gonna help Giulia's dad hunt for fish." He said and Maria jumped down from the tree, "Let's go you two." Giulia's dad said and Alberto and Maria followed him to the boat on the docks, "Is it safe?" Maria asked nervously, "Of course it is! Me and Massimo here do it all the time!" Alberto said sticking his hand out for Maria to take, Maria grabbed Alberto's hand and hopped on the boat. Massimo started the engine and headed to open water, while they were there Maria looked at the separated island. "Hey Alberto? Have you been over there?" She asked pointing to the island, "Oh definitely, I used to live there!" He said while pulling the net out of the ocean to reveal a large amount of fish caught, Maria looked back at the island then went back to work.

Once they collected the fish, they headed back home so Giulia can deliver them the next day. "Ok, now that we're done, wanna grab some ice cream?" Alberto asked Maria, "Sure, uhh, what's 'ice cream?'" She asked, "You'll see." He said taking Maria's hand and walking to an ice cream store, "There's thousands of flavors to choose from!" He said showing Maria, "Oooh! Strawberry!" Maria said looking at the flavors. They walked up to the front desk, "What can I get for you two?" The ice cream lady said "We would like two strawberries please!" Alberto said and gave the lady the money as she gave him two strawberry ice cream cones, Alberto gave Maria one as he began to eat his. Maria tasted her ice cream, it was delicious, she could definitely taste the strawberry! "So about that question about my island, did you wanna go visit?" Alberto asked, "Yeah sure!" Maria said finishing her ice cream. Then behind them they heard a loud vroom noise coming from up the hill, they both looked to see what was making that noise. There appears to be someone on a Vespa riding down the hill into the town, "Oh no, not this jerk again..." Alberto said annoyed, "Who's that?" Maria asked, "Ercole Visconti, this guy's literally been messing with us ever since we beat him in the Portorroso cup, especially since we're Sea Monsters!" Alberto said angrily, "Oh, so, don't trust or like him?" Maria asked, "Not one bit." Alberto said.

Ercole came racing down the hill with his Vespa and parked it at a table, "And now the great Ercole Visconti will eat a delicious sandwich!" He said sitting down, "Ugh, c'mon, lets just quickly walk past him so he doesn't noticed us." Alberto said grabbing Maria's hand and trying to quickly walk past Ercole but he noticed them immediately,

"Well well well! If isn't fish boy! And his eh... who are you supposed to be? His little girlfriend?" Ercole said laughing

"Um, yes?" Maria said confused

"Pfft! Seriously? You are way too beautiful to hang with... a grotesque monster!" Ercole said putting his arm around Maria and trying to walk away with her but Alberto got mad and ran right in front of them.

"Maybe she's too beautiful to hang out with a human that looks like a sad catfish!" Alberto said pushing Ercole off Maria,

"How dare you make fun of my manly baffi!" Ercole says as he pushes Alberto back and begins to laugh,

"I'm surprised you even get a fidanzata!" Said Ercole as he punches Alberto in the gut, Alberto begins to cough from the pain falling to his knees and placing his hand on the part that he punched him at.

"Hey! Back off!" Maria says as she pushes Ercole away,

"Ah, my apologies, Mia Signora! I guess you didn't know this weakling was a disgusting Sea Monster!" He says as he grabs Alberto and throws him in the water fountain which causes Alberto to transform.

"See? What do you think of your 'boyfriend' now?" Ercole said laughing

"Well I'm not human either!" Maria said joining Alberto in the fountain and changing back to her Siren form and crossing her arms,

"Mama Mia!" Ercole gasped

"And first rule of attacking your opponent..." Maria said crawling out of the fountain and turning back into a human "NEVER underestimate their strengths!" She says as she headbutts Ercole and kicks him in his cazzo which causes him to fall down and curl into a ball of pain.

"Wow, your good!" Alberto said still holding on to his side,

"Thanks..." Maria said flipping her hair back and helping Alberto out of the fountain. Once out of the fountain Alberto turned back into his human form, "This... isn't over! I will have my vengeance!" Ercole said still in pain, "Oh suck it up, you sad catfish!" Maria said and grabbed Alberto's hand and started towards the water. "You ok, Alberto?" Maria asked, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm used to it." Alberto said standing straight back up "Anyways, c'mon! Lets go to my island! I have a lot of things to show you!" He said as he grabs Maria's hand and they both dive into the water changing back into their normal forms and began swimming towards Alberto's old home. "Hey Maria, can you do this?" Alberto asked as he began to swim faster and jump up into the air out of the water turning back into his human form and then back down into the ocean changing back, Maria laughed swam faster and also jumped up in the and transformed back, only to fall back into the water and change back into her Siren form. The both laugh and started playing while jumping out of the water and back down, Maria went down deeper and quickly came back up only to jump even higher than before as she does a backflip. "Wow Maria! Your amazing!" Alberto said and dove deeper into the ocean as Maria chases him, they then began to swim back up and circle each other stare into each other's eyes which was a strange feeling Maria never felt before.

"Heh, your not a bad swimmer..." Maria said looking down and blushing,

"Yeah, I know. I'm a amazing swimmer!" Alberto said

Maria laughed, "Hehe, yeah you are." She said,

"Your not bad either! Your pretty cool for a Siren!" He said jokingly

"And your not bad at defending yourself... for a Sea Monster." Maria joked along

Maria and Alberto laughed as they swam up to the surface on Alberto's island and changed into humans again, "Well, here we are!" Alberto said. Maria looked around fascinated by the scenery, "What's this green stuff?" Maria asked, "Oh, its just grass, and those green things with brown branches attached to the are trees, like the one in Giulia's backyard." He said, "Oooh! Cool!" Said Maria. "C'mon, my home is this way." He said grabbing Maria's hand and starting up the hill to his rock cylinder home when all of a sudden Emily popped out of a bush and rushed to Maria, "MARIA!" She said hugging her, "Thank the Sea Emperor, we found you! We were so worried!" Emily said hugging her again. She was wearing her usual ripped black dress, but was a human form. "What do you mean 'we?' Who else is here?" Maria asked. Alice, Bianca and Stacey then come out of the same bush Emily came from. They too were wearing their usual dresses, Alice wore here jean dress, Bianca wore her silky bronze and Stacy wore her silky grey one, but they too looked human. "What are you guys doing here?" Maria asked, "Looking for you! Duh!" Emily said, "Yes, ever since you ran away after you caused your mothers death!" Alice said smiling evilly, Maria gasped. "Your what?" Alberto asked, "Pfft, who's this? Your 'boyfriend' or something?" Alice asked walking up to Alberto scanning him, "I am! What's it to you?" He said. Alice laughed, "Really? Wow, Maria. You finally found someone who's just as stupid as you are!" Alice said getting into Maria's face, "Alice! Why are you being so mean?" Emily asked as she walked between Alice and Maria, Alice then pushed Emily to the ground, "Because I hate her! We've been friends for years and ever since she met you, she's all you care about now! You didn't ask US if we wanted to come across the ocean meet your mother! We've never been across the ocean either!" Alice said angrily yelling, "Hey! Back off her!" Maria said pushing Alice away.

"Yeah! Back off!" Alberto said standing by Maria's side

"Oh how cute! Your such a baby, Maria! Ever since you caused your mommy's death, you've been nothing but a coward to stand up!" Alice yelled,

"Uhh, what is she talking about?" Alberto asked

"Wow! You didn't tell your boyfriend? its all her fault! She swam with Emily above the depth to an ocean current, when its our rule NOT to go above our depths, when all of a sudden a shark comes up and tries to eat her! But instead, mommy dearest sacrificed herself to the beast so that her ignorant daughter wouldn't be the one to take the bait." Alice said getting into Maria's face insultingly "If you ask me, I think YOU should've been the sharks meal!" Alice shouted, "It was an accident! I didn't know she would follow me!" Maria cried, "Pfft, sure you didn't" Alice scoffed. "Ok that's enough!" Alberto said as he pushes Alice away from Maria, Alice fell backwards a bit into the water accidentally splashing some water on Alberto. Seeing his leg change color from the water, Alice got another evil idea. "You know, I never got to see what YOU look like!" Alice said as she got up and pushed Alberto into the water, Maria gasped and quickly dived into the water after him. "Oh that's it! That Alice girl is gonna get it!" Alberto said, but Maria saw that Alberto was totally exposed, she grabbed his hand and said, "Alberto! We need to swim away, quickly! Before they see you!" She said and quickly started to try and swim back to town but then her aunt came up from underneath them.

"MARIA! There you are! I was so worried!" She said, she then saw Alberto and panicked "What in sea deep are you doing with a Sea Monster! He could've exposed you and you would've gotten hurt!" Doria said pulling Maria away from Alberto.

"But we're already exposed! And the human up there don't even bother! We're fine!" Maria cried out,

"Yeah, I'm Alberto Scrofano! Maria's boyfriend." Alberto said calmly sticking his hand out for a hand shake,

"BOYFRIEND!?" Doria cried "Maria, if your mother were alive and knew about this she would've had a panic attack!"

"But she's not! And she said I'm free to explore and do whatever I want! So if you'll excuse me." Maria said grabbing Alberto's hand and trying to swim past.

"Your mother may be gone, but I'm not! We're going home, now!" Doria said grabbing Maria's arm,

"NO!" Maria said trying to fight back, "I'm not leaving!"

"Maria! Your coming home now! And away from the Sea Monsters!" Doria said trying to grab Maria once more, but instead Alberto swam in between them and got clawed on the upper left arm causing him to bleed. "AHH!" Alberto screamed from the sudden attack. Maria and Doria gasped, Maria swam to Alberto checking his wound, "Alberto, what were you thinking!?" Maria said with worry, "I was just trying to protect you." He said. Maria gasped from realization, "I knew it, you ARE entranced!" Maria screamed "No I'm not Maria!" Alberto said, Maria backed away looking down and trying not to cry, "If you weren't entranced then you wouldn't have been trying to protect me! I told you that when we sing its dangerous!" She said crossing her arms and turning away. Alberto sighed, "Maria, I promise you, that I'm not hypnotized from your song!" Alberto said swimming up trying to comfort her but Maria pulled away, "STOP JUST- just listen..." Maria said turning around to face Alberto. She began to sing,

"Oooh, Stay away from the sea Far away from me I release thee from thy spell, Go back to the world above Spell is all but gone, Now your free."

Alberto swam back a bit and blinked a few times, "I don't understand... Maria?" He said, Maria swam back towards her aunt and then started to swim away, back to her home, her aunt, her friend and Alice and her friends soon followed, leaving Alberto there thinking about what just happened. He felt strange, like he was alone again but worse, he felt like his mind was swimming like a fish in a bowl "No! Silencio Bruno!" He said "Its just the hunger... yeah! That's it! I just need something to eat!" He said and began to swim back to town. Giulia and Luca were out on the docks trying to see if they can spot Maria and Alberto, "Do you see them anywhere, Giulia?" Luca asked, "No! Where could they have gone?" Giulia asked worried, then Alberto started to emerge from the water, "Hey! Giulia! Just in time! I'm having the case of the hunger again so, do you have any pesto ready?" He said heading inside, "Uhh, yeah but, where's Maria?" Giulia asked. Alberto didn't respond and just went inside the house, "Heya Massimo! Hook me up with delicious pesto!" Alberto said sitting at the table waiting for his food, "Here you go, Alberto." Massimo said "Where's your girlfriend?" He asked, "Uhh... I dunno..." Alberto said "But I'm pretty sure she's not coming back." He said trying to act normal. "Even so, she's a part of our family..." Massimo said grabbing a lantern and heading outside to look for Maria leaving Giulia and Luca there to question Alberto's behavior.

"Alberto, what happened?" Luca asked "Tell us."

Alberto groaned, "Her friends and her aunt came here to pick her up and take her home, we can't see her and she can't see us because of their stupid rule!"

"What rule?" Luca asked

"Where Sea Monsters can't befriend Sirens or else they'll expose their hidden world." Giulia said,

"Oh, you guys know! Good, can we stop talking about it now?" Alberto said while eating his food.

"But, Maria wouldn't just... leave. Would she? I mean, its not like you two to split up like this!" Giulia said,

"But we did, so goodnight!" Alberto said going upstairs to the tree to go to bed to forget everything that happened today. Giulia and Luca just stood there trying to think on how they were gonna find Maria and get Alberto to help look for her, they can't just give up, can they?

Link To Other Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

[ceealaina]

Title: Gonna Pick You Up When You Fall Collaborator Name: ceealaina Link: AO3 Ship: IronBros Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff and Angst, MIT Era, Meet-Ugly Summary: Jim Rhodes isn’t sure how he feels about having the Stark heir for his roommate, right up until he meets Tony and finds he’s the very last thing he expected. Word Count: 3643

Written for the prompts Engineer, Yearning, and ‘Stop that’ for @rhodeyappreciationweek​

When Jim had gotten the letter informing him that he’d been assigned as a roommate to Anthony Fucking Stark, he had almost called up the residence office and informed them that it wasn’t going to happen, and he wanted to be reassigned to literally anybody else. He’d worked his ass off to get into MIT and the last thing he wanted was to be saddled with some rich, white child -- he was only fifteen, for fuck’s sake -- who had been pretty much guaranteed a spot anywhere from birth, just because of who his father was. 

He had actually been on hold with Mia in the Reassignment department when his mother had walked into the room, glanced at the phone he was holding in one hand and the letter he had in the other, and had hummed in that way she had. 

“What?” Jim asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. 

“Nothing,” she assured him, with a pointed look at the paper in his hands. “I just feel bad for that boy, is all.” 

“Bad?” Jim repeated incredulously. “Momma, he’s one of the richest kids in America. He’s had everything he’s ever wanted.” 

“Still. Can’t be easy to grow up with that kind of pressure, all those expectations.” She had leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. “I’m so proud of you, Jimmy, but you know I’d be proud of you no matter what you did, right?” 

Jim had hung up the phone. 

*

There was no sign of Stark or his family or even any hired help the entire time that Jim and his family were moving his stuff into the dorm. He’d half expected Anthony to already be there, some sort of Early Move-In Day just for rich people. But since he wasn’t there, Jim refused to feel guilty for taking the good bed beside the bigger window. Maybe Anthony had changed his mind and decided to go to CalTech instead, and Jim could have the whole room to himself. 

After getting all his stuff moved in, he had to see his family off. Then there was ‘mandatory’ Frosh Teambuilding, which consisted of a bunch of juvenile trust activities that felt more like the kind of stuff white people did at summer camp on TV. And then there was dinner, and then a ‘mandatory’ floor meeting going over all the rules of living on campus, after which he’d wandered over to the student union building and almost immediately gotten pulled into a truly painful conversation with one of the guys from his assigned frosh group. 

By the time he was making his way back to the dorm, he was exhausted and had all but forgotten about his MIA roommate. Distracted with thinking about his bed, and the things he had to get done before classes started, it took him a minute to process what he was seeing when he stepped into his room and found the previously unoccupied side of the room fully decorated, complete with a large television and an NES. He blinked a minute, and then spotted Anthony Stark himself, sitting on the window sill over Jim’s bed, thank you very much, leaning out the window to smoke a cigarette. He was wearing tight jeans and a polo shirt, the collar popped, with a pair of expensive sunglasses dangling from the neck, and Jim shook his head. 

“Oh no,” he declared. 

He hadn’t actually meant to say that outloud, but Anthony didn’t seem offended. He looked lazily over at Jim, lips curling into a smirk around his cigarette as he gave Jim a slow look up and down. 

“Hey there, handsome.”

“Oh, hell no,” Jim reiterated. “I’m gonna tell you right now. This? Isn’t how things are gonna go with us.” 

Anthony blinked at him, looking mildly taken aback. “I’m sorry?” 

“This.” Jim gestured wildly at him. “This whole… Too cool for school bullshit persona thing you’ve got going on? I’m not doing it.”

“Excuse me?” Anthony looked faintly amused which, Jim realized belatedly, was probably good since he likely had enough clout to get Jim kicked out of MIT entirely. “It’s not bullshit,” he added, with a dramatic pout around his cigarette that was entirely too sexy to be on a fifteen-year-old’s lips. 

Jim rolled his eyes. “Right, so you’re just actually that fucking cool, huh?” he asked, voice dry. “Whatever you say man.” 

Anthony tilted his head a little, eyes narrowing as he looked more closely at Jim. Jim had the uncanny feeling that Anthony was looking right into him, but he just set his hands on his lips, staring impassively back at him. 

“Do you know who I am?” he asked finally. 

It wasn’t said with an attitude; Anthony sounded genuinely curious, like he thought Jim might have somehow missed that fact somewhere along the way. Jim rolled his eyes anyway. 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re Anthony Stark, boy genius, richest kid in America or whatever. I don’t really give a shit, man. I’m just here to get my engineering degree, and move on. I already did this bullshit in high school. I don’t need to go through it again.” 

“Huh.” Tony took another slow drag of his cigarette, pursing his lips and dragging it out. It would have been embarrassing, how hard he was trying to look sexy, except he didn’t have that awkward edge most kids his age did. It seemed almost natural, giving him the uncanny appearance of being older than fifteen, even if his features said otherwise, and Jim shifted a little uncomfortably. “It’s Tony, actually,” he said finally, tilting his head back to blow smoke out the window. “And you’re James Rhodes?” 

“Jim,” he corrected, grudgingly. Tony nodded, giving him a smoldering look and flicking his tongue over his lips, and Jim glared. “Stop that!” he squawked. “You’re fifteen, it’s fucking creepy. And put that out, while you’re at it. Smoking’ll kill you, and I don’t want your nasty ass smoke on my sheets.” 

Tony stared at him and then shrugged, pressing the cigarette against the sill and then flicking the butt out the window. He didn’t bother to shut it before he hopped down off the ledge. “Well, Rhodey,” he drawled the nickname, smirking at Jim with smokey eyes. “Gotta say, I didn’t expect you to be so lame.”  

Jim didn’t rise to the bait. “I’m not lame,” he told him, grabbing his toiletries kit to get ready for bed. “Told you, man. I’m just not here for the bullshit.” 

When he came back from the bathroom, Tony had stripped down to his boxers, was spread across his bed like some kind of Playgirl model. Jim ignored him, flipping out the light and crawling into his own bed with a contented sigh. He was already starting to drift when Tony spoke into the dark space. 

“I’m taking engineering too.” 

“Yeah? We’re at MIT, dude. You, me, and half the campus.” 

Tony huffed out a sigh. “Electrical engineering, since you asked.”

Jim hummed a vague acknowledgement and hesitated a moment. “Aviation,” he relented through a yawn. “Gonna be a pilot.” 

If Tony answered, Jim was asleep before he heard it. 

*

Tony, it seemed, didn’t know what to do with Jim. He didn’t let up on flirting, constantly trying to be sexy, but it quickly seemed to be less with intent and more just to irritate Jim. After the first day of classes, while Jim was getting a start on the five billion readings he had to do, Tony had wandered in from his own classes and immediately started taking apart his NES -- it seemed this was a common thread with Tony. He’d already taken apart and put back together his television and his VCR. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except that he couldn’t seem to stop rambling while he did it, name dropping about fifty famous people he knew, ranging from politicians to celebrities. Jim had just grunted occasionally, doing his best to tune him out, until he yelped when a pencil hit the back of his head. He turned to see Tony smiling beguilingly. 

“Hey, did you hear me? That’s Sean Connery. You know, James Bond?” he asked, like Jim lived under a rock or something. 

“I heard,” Jim said and then, because the pencil had hurt and he was feeling a little mean. “Doesn’t he advocate for hitting women?” 

Tony just looked confused, like he couldn’t understand Jim’s lack of reaction, and he sighed. 

“Look man, that’s cool and all, and I love James Bond as much as the next guy, but at the end of the day they’re just people. Unless you’re planning to set me up with Phoebe Cates, my homework is a bigger priority right now.”

So Tony had started leaving expensive things around the dorm room. There were more sunglasses, and platinum cufflinks, and bottles of high quality liquor that Jim had immediately made him shove under the bed because they were both technically underage now. Tony had just looked more and more confused the less interested Jim seemed, and then had come home the next day with an Atari 7800, which wasn’t even supposed to be released until the next year. 

That, Jim had to admit, was pretty cool, especially since Tony immediately offered him a controller. And that was what he couldn’t figure out about Tony Stark. He didn’t hesitate to share everything he had. He’d offered up his tv and gaming systems almost right away, was constantly bringing home snacks and junk food and giving half of them to Jim, and when Jim had been running late one day and couldn’t find his own, he hasn’t hesitated to offer up a pair of his ultra expensive Ray Bans, telling Jim not to worry about returning them. He was a twerp, but he was also unfailingly generous, and Jim wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that. 

So when he came home to find Tony reading some scifi novel at his desk just a little too casually, and a Rolex watch ‘accidentally’ sitting in the middle of Jim’s bed, he just sighed and dropped it on Tony’s book.

“Oh thanks!” Tony said brightly. “I was looking for that.” 

Jim refrained from pointing out that it was the first thing he saw when he walked into the room.

“Hey!” Tony added when he started to turn back to the work waiting for him. “Did I tell you about my Ferrari 288 GTO?”

Jim hesitated long enough to arch an eyebrow at him. “Are you even old enough to drive?” he asked, heading over to his desk. 

For a moment it was quiet, and then: “Okay, I give up,” Tony burst out, causing Jim to turn back around to face him with a startled look. “I can’t figure you out. Is it me specifically, or are you just allergic to fun? Seriously dude, does nothing impress you?” 

Jim gave him a look. “Have you been trying to impress me?” 

“Not like that.” Tony rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that he’d spent the better part of their interactions flirting outrageously. “Just, you know… That’s how you connect with people, right? Show off your shit and compare notes, and decide what’s better…” He trailed off at the look on Jim’s face. “What?” 

“Rich people are fucking weird, man.” 

Tony frowned at him. “What does that mean?” 

“Just… Sounds exhausting, constantly trying to outdo each other.” 

Tony was still frowning, and Jim felt a little bit bad.

“Hey, you know what I’d actually find impressive? Seeing if you’re actually here for any reason besides your name. We’re a week into school and I haven’t seen you do one bit of work.” 

Tony’s jaw dropped. “Because I’m a genius!” he protested, and he didn’t sound like he was bragging, just stating a simple fact. “I built a circuit board when I was three!” he added, but there was a sparkle in his eyes now. 

“I don’t know…” Jim smirked at him. “That was like twelve years ago, man. What have you done since?” 

Tony narrowed his eyes briefly and then he was skittering over to his desk. “I’ll show you I deserve to be here,” he grumbled, pulling the bottom drawer out entirely, and apparently he wasn’t as entirely obsessed with looking cool as Jim had first thought, because the entire drawer was filled to the brim with Lego bricks. “Okay,” he said, grinning up at Jim. It was a good look on him. “We’ve got fifteen minutes to build a Lego machine. Best design wins.” 

*

Jim wandered through the party, wincing against the glare of the strobe light. Despite what Tony seemed to think, he wasn’t actually that lame, and he did enjoy a good party. This, however, wasn’t really his scene. The house was packed dangerously full, men and women alike mostly naked -- he’d touched more random body parts than he ever had before in his life -- and in general everything just had that edge of too wild that usually meant the police were five minutes out. He’d been supposed to meet up with a guy from one of his classes, but he hadn’t seen any sign of him and he was done with looking. 

Jim started to make his way for the front door, and then stopped as he spotted a tuft of curly brown hair that was already becoming familiar. “Oh no,” he muttered, letting his eyes fall shut for just a moment.

He thought about leaving Tony there, he really did. He was his roommate, not his responsibility. But then a voice that sounded suspiciously like his mother reminded him that Tony was only fifteen, still a kid. And then he thought about how desperately Tony had been trying to win him over all week with stuff and money, because that was apparently how he thought things were done, and how easy it would be for someone to take advantage of that. When he found himself picturing the pleased smile Tony’d had when he finished his rubber band Lego car, almost startlingly innocent compared to the way he’d been acting, Jim knew he was stuck.

Grumbling under his breath, he started shoveling his way through the crowd to where he’d last seen his wayward roommate. Of course by then he’d wandered off again, and it was a good ten minutes before Jim managed to track him down to some little room that he’d missed at first. 

Tony was sprawled out on a couch, his dress shirt fully unbuttoned, and he was giggling as two girls in bikinis kissed their way over his neck. His movements were lazy and his eyes unfocused in a way that suggested that he’d had more than just booze, but his face lit up when he spotted Jim. “Hey!” he slurred. “‘S my Rhodeybear.” 

Jim blinked once at the nickname. “Right.” The two girls looked as out of it as Tony was, but there was a guy watching the whole scene with sharp, sober eyes that Jim didn’t like at all. Mustering up every bit of his ROTC confidence, he strode over to the couch and bodily pulled Tony to his feet. “Come on, Tones. Time to go home.” 

“Awww,” Tony whined, but he didn’t actually make any attempt to resist. “Five more minutes?” 

“Nope,” Jim declared, just as one of the girls reached up and caught Tony’s hand, giving him a half-hearted tug back toward the couch. 

“Yeah, jus’ five more minutes? We’re jus’ gettin’ started.” 

“And he’s fifteen, so that’s illegal.” 

“Rhodeyyyy,” Tony whined, finishing his name with a giggle. “Why you gotta give away all my secrets? C’mon le’s stay. They’re my friends. Didn’t even hafta do anything to impress ‘em, like you said.”

“Yeah.” Jim glanced back over to the corner, where the guy’s smirk had turned to glare. Jim was pretty sure that there was a video camera on the floor beside his feet. “They’re not your friends, Tony.” Heart starting to pound, he slung an arm around Tony’s waist and hustled him out the door before anyone could make a real attempt at stopping them. 

Outside, Tony was in even worse condition than Jim had realized. He didn’t think he was in any danger healthwise, except maybe from puking, but he could barely stand on his own, needed Jim’s constant support to walk, and he was frighteningly pliable, happily going along with whatever Jim said. Jim had expected to be annoyed with Tony, at having to babysit him. Fifteen or not, surely he knew better? But mostly he was just pissed at the asshole who had tried to take advantage of him like this. He was just a kid, and clearly oblivious, and using his inability to understand how normal, non-rich humans interacted to try and hurt him had Jim seething. The more he thought about it the angrier he got, and if he hadn’t been busy with having to half-drag Tony back to their dorm, he might have gone back just to punch the guy in the face. 

He managed to get them into their room without getting caught by anyone, at which point he’d helped Tony strip down to his boxers -- less awkward than he’d expected -- and slide into the bed. Tony had moaned blearily, rubbing his face against the cool sheets like he was feverish, so after dragging his garbage can close in case he did puke, Jim grabbed a washcloth and darted into the bathroom to rinse it with cold water. 

When he got back, Tony was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, lolling his head back and forth over the pillow in a way that Jim had vague memories of his baby sister doing as a toddler. He passed over the washcloth and Tony closed one eye and then the other, trying to focus on it. 

“Wassat for?” 

“It’s a cool compress. For your head?” 

Tony was staring at him blankly, so Jim folded up the cloth and draped it over Tony’s forehead. “Jesus, Tones. Hasn’t anybody ever taken care of you before?”

Tony shrugged, sighing at the cool touch against his sweaty skin. “Only when they want something from me,” he mumbled, out of it enough that there was no joking, no exaggeration in his voice, just plain, simple honesty. “Oh hey!” His eyes snapped open, just as unfocused as before. “Did I tell you my thesis project yet? Gonna build a robot, one with a fully-functioning, self-learning AI.” He waved his hand in the air. “Thas not the point though. Gonna build myself a friend, Rhodey, like you said. One that doesn’t want anything from me, or expect me to buy them things… Just wansta hang out with me…” His eyes slipped shut again, voice trailing off, but Jim just stared at him with a sick feeling furling through his stomach. 

“Shit, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said. “Seriously, are those the only kinds of interactions you’ve had with people? You need real friends, Tony.” 

“I have real friends,” Tony protested. “Had lots of friends in school.”

“Uh-huh.” He knew there was no point in arguing, but the sound of his voice seemed to be calming Tony a little, stilling his movements. “So which one of those real friends do you call when you’re in a jam? Who do you know that’s got your back no matter what?” 

Tony was quiet for long enough that Jim thought he’d finally fallen asleep. He adjusted the cloth to be a little more comfortable on his forehead and was moving over to his own bed when Tony finally spoke. 

“I called you.” 

Jim glanced back over at him. Tony’s eyes were closed, but there was a little smile around his lips, like he’d come to some scientific conclusion and was really pleased with the results. Jim sighed. 

“Yeah, Tones, you did,” he agreed with his own smile. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be right here if you need anything.” 

*

When Jim woke the next morning, Tony was sprawled out on his bed, sheets kicked onto the floor and an arm flung across his eyes. He looked absolutely miserable, but he was breathing at least, so Jim left him to sleep it off, being as quiet as possible when he slipped out to the door so he wouldn’t disturb him. 

When he made it back a couple hours later, Tony was awake, though he didn’t look much better. He’d hauled on sweatpants and a t-shirt but obviously hadn’t showered, and he was sitting up on his bed, blinking blearily at the TV as he watched what looked like Indiana Jones on VHS. Hiding a smile at the sight of him, Jim made his way into the room, dropping a wrapped breakfast sandwich on Tony’s lap on his way by. 

Tony blinked at it for a too-long moment, looking completely confused. “What’s this?” he asked finally. 

Resisting the urge to tease him about his supposed genius, Jim just arched an eyebrow. “It’s a breakfast sandwich. Thought you could use something to eat.” 

“You…” Tony’s breath seemed to catch. “You bought me breakfast?” 

Jim just shrugged, even though he knew it was a bigger deal than just breakfast.

“Nobody’s ever…” Tony stopped, cutting the thought off, and then smiled at Jim. “Thanks,” he told him, unwrapping it and taking a huge bite with a smile around his lips.

They settled into an easy quiet for a few minutes, and then Tony cleared his throat. 

“Hey,” he said, and when Jim looked up, the smile that was around his face was softer and more shy, that overconfident attitude that he used like an armor chipping away. “I know you’ve got reading to do, but… You wanna watch Star Wars with me?”  

Jim grinned at him. “Fuck yeah,” he declared, abandoning his books to climb up on the bed beside Tony. “Budge up, man.”

[gamerwoo]

Rowoon: Deceiving

Characters: Rowoon x female reader

Genre/warnings: badboy au, fluff, a little bit of angst, a lil mention of blood

Word count: 2,425

Summary: Physically, you and your boyfriend have everything in common -- you’re both tall, covered in tattoos and piercings, and you look absolutely intimidating. However, where Rowoon exudes confidence and break the rules, you’re the exact opposite of that, being shy and never straying from what you’re told. It’s something nobody expects from somebody who looks like you, but Rowoon adores you exactly how you are.

a/n: all I can think about lately is that one part in Mamma Mia where they’re all on the bleachers looking like a bunch of dudes from Grease and Rowoon really fucks me up thx (also was talking to @neverknewgrey2016 about a girl that’s a softy but covered in tattoos and this idea sprouted ig)

The motorcycle’s engine died down, Rowoon’s feet planted on the pavement. He took off his helmet as you got off the back of his bike, taking off your own and tucking it under your arm. You shook out your helmet hair before you noticed Rowoon staring at you with a smirk.

“What?” you asked, cheeks already turning pink.

Rowoon had been very blunt with you since day one, only toning it down just enough to make you feel comfortable when he realized you weren’t like him -- you looked like you’d be like him, but you couldn’t have been more opposite. So it wasn’t odd for your boyfriend to look you up and down and smile to himself like he was. He was never quiet about thinking you were the most stunning thing he’d ever seen.

Like Rowoon, you were pretty intimidating in terms of looks. You had the piercings, the tattoos, the height, the signature leather jacket -- the only thing you were missing was his confidence and ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude. That was why Rowoon had blatantly hit on you when he first met you, backing you up against a wall and giving you his signature smirk while he implied he take you home that night. 

The way your whole face turned red, your eyes widened, and you stuttered out a “w-what” had him quickly realizing you were very different from what he thought. But he really liked that about you.

“Nothing,” he told you, meeting your eyes before he stood and swung his leg off the bike. He was only taller than you by a few inches, but he would stand right in front of you just to make you feel even tinier than him. He lifted his hand not holding his helmet and brushed his thumb against your cheek. “Can’t believe you still blush like that around me.”

You knew people were staring -- people always stared because nobody understood how Rowoon managed to get and keep a girlfriend -- but all you could focus on was Rowoon so close to you. You’d been dating for almost a year, but he still had such an affect on you. He was surprised you still got this flustered, and even you were surprised you did. You definitely felt safe and calm around him, but when he looked at you with that little smirk or got this close to you -- hell, even complimenting you made your cheeks tint pink.

“You make it hard not to,” you mumbled, lightly pushing his hand away out of embarrassment. “I’m gonna be late for class.”

“You’re cute,” he smiled, leaning down slightly to press a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll pick you up in a few hours, okay? I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you replied like you always did with a soft smile.

Rowoon put his index fingers under the straps of your backpack, giving them a playful tug before he put his helmet back on -- the helmet that you always forced him to wear, actually. He gave you a wink as he got back on his bike and started it up again, ignoring the stares of the people nearby. Rowoon was pretty infamous for getting into fights, getting kicked out of school, and then carrying on with his bad habits. So seeing him drop off his girlfriend who had never done a single bad thing but still looked equally as scary was definitely a sight for some people.

“Have a good day, baby,” he said before he sped off down the street, you and a handful of others watching him disappear off the campus.

-

“You know,” Rowoon began as the two of you laid out on the rooftop of his apartment building where he’d set up a romantic dinner date to watch the stars, “you’re my perfect girl.”

You scoffed, reaching over to shove at his arm even though your cheeks were heating up quickly, “You’re just saying that because we’re dating.”

“No, I mean it!” he insisted, a bright smile on his face as he turned his head to look at you instead of the sky. “I’ve been physically attracted to girls like me, but emotionally... I’ve realized how difficult I am to put up with, I’ll just say that.”

“You’re not nearly as bad as you think you are,” you reassured him. “If I didn’t want to ‘deal’ with you, I wouldn’t.”

“I’m just amazed I got lucky enough to find somebody who’s everything I’ve ever wanted,” he sighed contently, giving you a lopsided smile, “physically and personalty-wise. You’re like those girls in stories and anime and stuff.”

“Huh...?”

“The girls who look intimidating and scary but are just big shy softies.”

You let out a happy gasp, eyes sparkling even more than the stars in the sky, “I’ve always wanted to be like that!”

Rowoon chuckled at how excited you got, “Is that why you got the tattoos and stuff?”

“Partly,” you shrugged, looking down at the sleeve of tattoos that covered your right forearm. “I just think tattoos are really pretty. It’s like art for your body, and I like the way it looks. I did it for me and for the aesthetic of the trope.”

Rowoon’s laugh was warm and fond and genuinely happy, his eyes crinkling as he looked at you, “I love you, please don’t ever change.”

Your heart stopped and sped up all at the same time as your eyes widened and your lips parted in surprise. Neither of you had ever said that to the other before, but Rowoon had said it so casually that it was like he’d loved you forever.

Noticing your expression, Rowoon sat himself up on his arm closest to you and used his other hand to reach over and cup your cheek. He smiled down at you, loving how flustered you looked from his confession.

“I love you, _____,” he repeated, his calloused thumb stroking over the skin of your cheekbone.

Your hand moved on its own, reaching up to cup Rowoon’s face and bring it closer to yours, declaring, “I love you, too, Rowoon.”

Before his lips met yours, his face broke out into a wide smile, “Do you really?”

“I do.”

And then he gave you the sweetest kiss you’d ever experienced. And you didn’t leave that rooftop until sunrise.

-

You walked out of your building and went toward the sidewalk that Rowoon usually picked you up from. It wasn’t too far from your building, so you never really had to worry about walking alone, even when it was later in the day. He was always on time, too, which made you feel better. 

“Oh!” you stopped when you noticed a little ball of black and grey fur huddled up by the side of the building. You squatted down, feeling your heart melt hearing the small meow coming from the kitten that was pacing the same two feet of space along the building. You held out your arm, lightly snapping your fingers to try to coax the kitten toward you. “Hey, little guy. C’mere, it’s okay.”

The kitten looked toward your hand and slowly walked forward until it’s little pink nose barely brushed against your fingertips. You let it sniff around you as much as it wanted, including it leaping over to your jacket that you had tied around your waist and playing with the material that laid against the ground now. 

Your pure little moment was ruined abruptly when you heard a motorcycle engine rev loudly, scaring the kitten off. You frowned, standing up and turning around to see Rowoon smiling from his bike, patting the space behind him.

“You big jerk!” you pouted as you jogged over.

Even though you’d insulted him, Rowoon couldn’t help but smirk. You just looked so innocent somehow when you were pouting like that.

“What?” he laughed.

“There was a stray kitten and I wanted to get it to trust me so I could bring it home,” you explained, letting Rowoon take your helmet from under your arm and secure it on your head. “You scared it off with your motorcycle.”

“If you want a kitten, I’ll get you one,” he promised.

As you got on the bike and wrapped your arms around his waist, you grumbled about how you wanted that kitten. He just shook his head in amusement before speeding off toward home.

-

Sometimes when Rowoon said that he was leaving for a few minutes, he meant it. He often took trips down to the corner store to get snacks, drinks, tampons, or anything else you might need. He was back within ten minutes tops. But there were times where “I’ll be back in a few” meant he was going out and wouldn’t be back until later that night.

The thing was Rowoon was that even thought you saw the good in him and saw the soft side of him, he was still partly the Rowoon everybody knew -- well, the one they thought they knew. He still went out to bars, got into fights, and caused trouble. You didn’t like it, he knew you didn’t like it, but old habits were hard to kick, and you understood that. You knew it would have to take time for him to stop, but you also couldn’t control what he did. So cleaning him up when he’d stumble through the door was a regular thing for you.

Like tonight.

You were sitting on the couch, watching TV in some cotton shorts and one of Rowoon’s t-shirts when you heard the door unlock. You turned off the TV and stood up from the couch, walking to the hall to meet your boyfriend. He looked up from kicking off his shoes, sporting a bloody nose, a bruised cheek, and a sorry look in his eyes.

“Please don’t give me the disappointed look,” he whined.

“I’m not,” you told him, and you really weren’t. But he was expecting it because you’d given it to him before. “Where’re you hurt?”

“Mostly just my face,” he shrugged. “Couple scratches on my arms.”

As he spoke, your eyes raked him over, landing on a place where his pants had ripped at the knee. They didn’t have a rip when he left, and he definitely didn’t have red spilling onto to his jeans to make them a darker color, either. Rowoon’s eyes followed your own, lifting his leg and bending his knee, hissing at the pain.

“Okay, and my leg,” he added.

“Come here,” you sighed, gesturing for him to follow you to the bathroom.

As Rowoon limped his way there, you got out the first aid kit that you learned to keep stocked with cotton balls and bandages. Rowoon sat himself on the sink, carefully placing his bag in the sink before discarding his jacket and his shirt. Now you could see that his arms were pretty scratched up, but his torso was thankfully fine.

You got to work, doing your usual routine. You cleaned out the wounds, softly apologizing when Rowoon would hiss at the sting.

“You’re gonna give me lots of kisses after this to make up for it, right?” he asked with a smirk in his voice.

“You’re the dummy who went out and got yourself in a fight,” you told him plainly as you stood up from where you were on your knees to clean out the cut on Rowoon’s knee. “It’s your own fault.”

“When did you get so ballsy?” he asked, letting his hands rest on your hips as you stood between his legs to dab at the drying blood under his nose. “You never call me out -- just sigh and give disappointing looks.”

You frowned, forgetting cleaning his face and letting your hands rest on his bare broad shoulders, “I don’t want you going out and getting hurt for no reason anymore, Rowoon.”

“This time wasn’t for no reason!” he insisted.

You raised your eyebrows, “Then what happened?”

He sighed, his eyes drifting down to the exposed skin of your chest -- the collar of his shirt was way too big for you, “You’ve been talking about that stray cat for the last three days, so I wanted to try to find it. I ran into some guys who don’t really like me on campus, but I didn’t want to just leave because I knew you wanted that specific cat.”

“Rowoon, you got yourself beaten up over a cat you didn’t even find?” you asked.

“But I did find it,” he stated plainly, looking up at you with doe eyes.

Your head cocked to one side. Rowoon smirked and held up a finger before he moved you backwards for him to stand. He turned and flipped open his bag that was resting in the sink, pushing the material down to reveal the tiny head of the kitten that he’d scared off before.

“It was kind of awkward because after fighting those guys and, y’know, winning,” he began as he carefully picked the kitten up out of the bag and cradled it to his chest, “I had to get this little guy to trust me enough to let me take him with me. So I was trying to get him to be less afraid while there were two guys groaning on the ground behind me.”

“Rowoon,” you cooed, your heart absolutely melting seeing your boyfriend who looked like an absolute badass right now with his bare, toned torso and the little cuts on his skin holding this tiny little kitten with such care, “you didn’t have to find him for me.”

“I know, but I wanted to,” he said as he handed the kitten off to you. “I want to make you as happy as I possibly can since you have to deal with me.”

You frowned at him in a scolding way, “What do I keep telling you about me dealing with you?”

“I know, but...” he just shrugged as he trailed off. He put an arm around you, watching fondly as you cuddled the sleepy kitten. “How about we go lay in bed with the newest member of our little family?”

You looked away from the kitten to look up at him, “But I didn’t put bandages on you yet.”

“Just give me as many kisses as I want and I’ll be fine,” he smirked, leaning down and nudging your nose with his.

He saw how your cheeks turned red, and he laughed quietly. He really would never get tired of that.

[lostinthelightss]

literal chaos fire (ch.2)

amazing banner by @downn-in-flames​ / down-in-flames@FFT

find it elsewhere: fft | ao3 | ff.net | hpff learn more: chaos universe link to other chapters: 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 link to missing moments: 5.5, 7.5, 8.5, 15.5

pairing: Lily Luna Potter / OC genre: AU, Humor, Romance rating: mature audiences

summary:

Victoire Weasley is a masters student in infectious diseases handling a devastating break up with her girlfriend of two years. Lily Potter is a first year law student navigating a figurative minefield that is the star quarterback’s unrequited affection. Molly Weasley is pursuing her bachelors in engineering while pining over her best friend - who doesn’t seem to realize it.

Three women, three vastly different lives, all coming together with group chats, family dinners, and a whole lot of chaos.

chapter summary:

IckyVicky: uve always been my least fav sisster

dominatrix: im your only sister

loulou: does that mean i'm the favourite sister now?

SEPTEMBER 18TH, 2021

‘the dopest house' (foxyroxy, freddieboy, jamesanator, moollywoobbles, rose) 12:33am

freddieboy: @rose freddieboy: stop fucking your bf and come hang out with ussssss

jamesanator: we got home early so we're playing Kings in the living room

foxyroxy: translation - james got kicked out of the bar but they don't want the night to end

moollywoobbles: to be fair moollywoobbles: he was defending my honor

foxyroxy: he bitch slapped one of the bouncers foxyroxy: he's not allowed back at the bar foxyroxy: EVER

freddieboy: ROSSSEEEEE

moollywoobbles: he bitch slapped one of the bouncers FOR ME

freddieboy: ROOOOOSSSSIIIIIIEEEEE freddieboy: come out come out and plaaaayyyyyy

rose: if we play a few rounds will you let us go back to sleep?

freddieboy: YAAAASSSSSS

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‘literal chaos fire' (lawyerlilz, Mollz, VickyBaby) 2:57am

Mollz: freed nd james made rosse and malfiy play kngs wit hus Mollz: im so lonely Mollz: why dosnt he love me baxk?

lawyerlilz: prbably becuz hes not interestd lawyerlilz: whyyyyyy doesnt  lawyerlilz: why doestn flynn leave me aloooone lawyerlilz: i dont caere

VickyBaby: teddy left me VickyBaby: for *America*

Mollz: xander will nev er love me

lawyerlilz: flynnnn keeeeps texting me lawyerlilz: phone shut up

VickyBaby: america dsoent evn have me

lawyerlilz: oh wait tthe buzzing it you guys

VickyBaby: i bet it has prettier girls

Mollz: vicster, u so pretty tho Mollz: sooooo preeeetty

Molly Weasley changed Victoire Weasley's name to preeeeetty laaaadyyyy.

lawyerlilz: so pretty

preeeeetty laaaadyyyy: i love you gus

Mollz: imma text him

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(mollawalla, xanderbander) 3:23am

mollawalla: im v intoxicated mollawalla: r u awake????? mollawalla: lysaaaaaaander mollawalla: lyyyyysaaaaaanderrrrr mollawalla: loveeee you mollawalla: im never dirnking agin

8:04am

xanderbander: yeah, you say that every week xanderbander: we're still on for lunch right? xanderbander: assignment is due on monday

11:46am

mollawalla: my head is kiiiiilling me mollawalla: im never drinking again!!!

xanderbander: pick you up in 5?

mollawalla: ugh fine mollawalla: i hate you

xanderbander: love you too molla, see you in a few

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‘literal chaos fire' (lawyerlilz, Mollz, VickyBaby) 11:48am

Mollz: shit i messaged him last night Mollz: why didn't you guys stop me? Mollz: god, im never drinking again

12:05pm

lawyerlilz: i would've, but at some point i ended up on my bathroom floor and everything's a blur after that lawyerlilz: don't u have sat lunch with him?

12:24pm 

preeeeetty laaaadyyyy: fuuuuuck preeeeetty laaaadyyyy: i called Teddy 8 times last night preeeeetty laaaadyyyy: wtf did i say??? preeeeetty laaaadyyyy: and wtf is this name?????

Victoire Weasley changed her nickname to VckyBaby.

VckyBaby: shit

Victoire Weasley changed her nickname to VickyBaby.

lawyerlilz: hungover?

VickyBaby: as fuck... VickyBaby: god, what did i say?

lawyerlilz: im so glad i have no one to drunk dial

Mollz: im jealous Mollz: i cant stop freaking out Mollz: i told him i loved him last night

lawyerlilz: WHAT?!?!

VickyBaby: WHAT???

Mollz: yeah, and he said it this morning

lawyerlilz: that's a good thing though

VickyBaby: yeah, you want them to say it back

Mollz: Attachment: 1 Image

VickyBaby: oh...  VickyBaby: not like that...

lawyerlilz: but that's good? lawyerlilz: doesn't that mean he doesn't realize what you meant? lawyerlilz: so your secret's safe!

Mollz: but what if he figured it out Mollz: and is just pretending not to realize Mollz: because he hates the idea of us being together Mollz: but doesn't want to crush my heart and soul Mollz: and still wants a study partner

lawyerlilz: alright, that would suck

VickyBaby: if he hasn't realized that you've been in love with him since first year? VickyBaby: he definitely didn't figure it out last night

Mollz: okay, he's coming back to the table, i'm going MIA

VickyBaby: keep us updated!

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(Lily Potter, Victoire Weasley) 12:32pm

Lily: so how you gonna figure out what you said in your calls to Teddy?

Victoire: I was thinking of just blocking her number and getting over it Victoire: doesnt really matter since she's leaving soon

Lily: but what if she wants to get back together?

Victoire: she's going across an ocean Victoire: and honestly, i dont think i ever want to get back together with her

Lily: why? Lily: i thought you guys were doing good?

Victoire: we were... Victoire: i think? Victoire: idk, it felt off near the end

Lily: off like...?

Victoire: i found out she was cheating Victoire: that's why im worried about the calls Victoire: DONT TELL MOLLY Victoire: she'll definitely try and key her car

Lily: yeah, if i dont first Lily: why didnt you tell us?

Victoire: ... Victoire: idk

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Lily Potter, Molly Weasley) 2:43pm

Lily: im bringing vic over tonight Lily: teddy cheated on her

Molly: IM GONNA KEY HER CAR

Lily: NO Lily: she specifically told me not to tell you for this exact reason Lily: so let her get a little drunk and tell you on her own time

Molly: fine Molly: but im guilting rose and roxanne into this Molly: she needs family Molly: and if i tell rose she'll bake cookies

Lily: smart

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(Teddy Lupin, Victoire Weasley) 9:34pm 

Teddy: hey

Victoire: ... hey

Teddy: i miss you Teddy: i saw you called last night but didn't leave any messages... Teddy: and i realized i missed your voice Teddy: maybe we should see if... Teddy: idk Teddy: we could do long distance?

Victoire: this is vicky's cousin Victoire: fuck yuo, you cheating bitch

Teddy: I'm sorry?

Victoire: we knoooooooow that you were fucking the TA for your ethcds and amnil science course Victoire: showww ur face at any family gatherins an ill key ur car

Teddy: Molly, please give the phone to vic

Victoire Weasley has blocked Teddy Lupin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘wotter you doing' (albie, dominatrix, foxyroxy, FRAD, huggies, IckyVicky, jamisson, Lillylolz, loulou, LucyGoose, mollzerati, rose) 9:49pm

mollzerati: new famly policy mollzerati: teddy lupin iss shoot one sight

Lillylolz: that fuxking bitch

IckyVicky: cheating fuckxing birhc

mollzerati: FUUUUUCKIGN BITCH

albie: how did they all manage to misspell ‘fucking', all in different ways? albie: also wtf?

jamisson: from what i can gather from the drunk mess that is my living room jamisson: teddy cheated on vic jamisson: so now we all hate her

dominatrix: but i like teddy dominatrix: are you sure about the cheating? dominatrix: she doesn't seem like the type

IckyVicky: uve always been my least fav sisster

dominatrix: im your only sister

loulou: does that mean i'm the favourite sister now?

rose: that bitch ,,, teddyd

huggies: rose??

jamisson: oh yeah, they guilted rose into the pity party jamisson: @foxyroxy too but fred took her phone so she wouldn't drunk call their parents

FRAD: WHEN DID WE BECOME THE RESPONSIBLE ONES???

LucyGoose: this family is a fuxking disaster LucyGoose: FUCK

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Wild Ones-James Dean Imagine

Requested: Yes

Warnings: None

A/N: I apologize for being MIA lately, but I’ll explain everything in a future post

Y/H/T: your hometown

  For the entirety of the early 1950s, the name Y/N Y/L/N was synonymous with partying. At the beginning of her career, no one expected the wide-eyed Y/H/T child to fall into the party scene. However, there was little for an actress to do in Los Angeles when she was not working and one of her best friends, Y/B/F/N Y/B/F/L/N, dragged her to a party. Some musician had released their first hit album and threw a huge party at their mansion to celebrate. All the hot up-and-coming talents were in attendance, drinking and dancing the night away. That was the first time Y/N ever tried champagne and it tasted the way sparklers looked. She felt a buzz shoot up and down her spine. It made her feel jittery and relaxed all at the same time. She wondered why in the world her parents forbade her from drinking because it was amazing. That night, she had to have had around five glasses of champagne that cast a pretty peach haze on the rest of the evening. She recalled twirling with Y/B/F/N, getting awfully close to a fellow named Darren, and loud band music. The next day, she felt like hell and swore to never drink again, until the next party came along.

  Partying became a drug for her and it made her feel more alive than any acting, singing, or dancing job ever did. At parties, people adored her and she adored them. She loved the way young men pawed at her and how every girl filled with contempt because they weren’t the ones with all the attention. She could never get enough of it. Of course, partying and working didn’t necessarily go hand in hand and Y/N was able to pull herself together to get acting jobs. When she walked in to read for Judy in Rebel Wihout a Cause, she was positive she was going to get it. While tabloids could not help but spread gossip about what she did at parties, critics equally could not help but spread praise about her performances. It was the third time the casting directors asked her to read for the character and that had to mean that she was going to get the role; actors are never seen more than once if they are not in serious consideration for the part. To her suprise, a strong, handsome, blonde boy around her age was also standing in the room. He was wearing nice blue jeans and a white t-shirt, and his lip appeared to be in a pout. Y/N was almost struck dumb by his intense blue stare, but forced herself out of it so she could focus.

   The reading went well and the blonde boy obviously had Jim’s part. He was too good to not get the part and that meant Y/N got her role. There was so much chemistry between them as Jim lamented his thoughts to Judy that the casting directors couldn’t deny it. Later, Y/N would learn that they gave it to Natalie, but she was the one who James pursued after the reading to get her number. 

   Y/N quickly learned that James was much more than the brooding, tortured, bad boy that he was so adept at playing. He was smart and took acting seriously, but he didn’t mind going to the occasional party. Y/N loved going out with her friends and their even rowdier associates, but James was a lot more cautious. This caused a lot of unpleasant tension between them as Y/N kept toeing the line of fun and dangerous while James tried to hold her back. It was the main topic they argued about and it exhausted both of them. Y/N could never understand James’s attitude about her partying. It wasn’t her fault that he was the type of guy that preferred driving his car and hanging out at bars with friends while she preferred big parties. She knew her limits and she stuck to them most of the time.

   However, that one dark night made Y/N re-think everything. She and James had had a full-blown argument over the phone about Y/N going to Sam Clay’s birthday party. Sam was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and used  that priviledge to break nearly every law in America, but he was good to network with since he knew all the European producers. James wanted Y/N nowhere near Sam, but Y/N explained that he could never understand her decision because he had everything practically handed to him. Her anger was still flooding through her by the time she got to the Clay’s mansion and gin was the only thing that subdued her anger. 

   So, she had several gins and tonics with her friends, danced as she usually did, and made good conversation with Sam. At some point, Sam insisted that they all go for a ride in his Bentley. No one tried to tell Sam that he was far too intoxicated to drive since they were all highly intoxicated themselves. Plus, Y/N was ready to use any excuse to get close to him and charm him into getting her meetings with European producers. So, Y/N, Y/B/F/N, a fine trumpet player named Emmett, and Sam laughed as they climbed into Sam’s car. Y/N was in the front passenger seat while Y/B/F/N and Emmett necked in the back.

   “Hey, keep it down back there!” Sam yelled as he began driving down the winding driveway away from the mansion.

   Emmett glanced up from kissing Y/B/F/N. “Careful, Sammy, your green’s showing!”

  Y/B/F/N laughed and gasped when Emmett turned back to her.

  Y/N shook her head. “They’re such animals.”

  Sam pressed down on the gas pedal, speeding past all the land that his family owned. Thanks to the liquor, Y/N thoguht they had been going fast the whole time, and smiled as she felt the wind whip through her hair.

   “Faster!” Y/N said.

   Sam revved the engine and the car went even faster, all their surroundings blurring. Y/N felt unstoppable and powerful the faster they went. In the back of her mind, she knew she should’ve stayed at the party and networked more, but she was not about to be called yellow.

  “Faster!” Y/N chanted.

  “You are one wild girl!” Sam exclaimed as he sped up.

  Y/N wished that the car was a convertible, so she could stand up and really experience the effects of flying. James was missing out on a good time. She’d show him how “dangerous” Sam was-----

   Then, Sam swerved into the next lane, and the only thing Y/N saw were impossibly bright lights.

   When Y/N woke up, she felt groggy. Something was off about her body, something that she couldn’t really explain. She couldn’t feel any pain but she felt stiff. Then, Y/N blinked and saw that she was surrounded by four pale yellow walls. There were a few pictures of a field of sunflowers and different flowers overall. Then, she looked down and saw that her right leg was being elevated by a pulley and her left arm was wrapped up in white gauze and put in a sling. She was stunned to say the least since she couldn’t feel anything. She wanted to cry, but couldn’t since she was still so surprised.

   “Oh, good, you’re awake.” A kind, older woman with strawberry blonde hair and a muscular body walked over to her. 

  “What happened? Where am I?” 

  “Can you tell me your name, sweetheart?” she asked.

  “Y/N Y/L/N.”   “Alright, I’m Nurse Hayley and I will be taking care of you for the duration of your stay here. Do you remember attending a party last night?”

  Y/N nodded. “Yes, Sam Clay’s.” 

  “And do you recall getting in a car with Sam and some associates?”   Y/B/F/N. If Y/N was as injured as she was, how was Y/B/F/N?   “Are they okay?” Y/N asked.

  “They will live, but you are all fortunate that truck driver did not kill you,” Nurse Hayley said. 

  That was why the lights were so bright, they belonged to a truck driver. Y/N wanted to cry again, but the tears still wouldn’t come up.

  “When can I see them?” 

  “I’m afraid not for a long time, but there is a nice young man waiting outside for you.” 

 “James?” Y/N whispered. 

 “Yes, he’s been awfully worried about you, couldn’t keep still all day. I’ll send him in.” 

  “Thank you.”

  Nurse Hayley nodded and strolled out of the room. Y/N sort of wished that she would have had more time to prepare to see James. She could not begin to think of how he was feeling. He had to be so proud of himself for being right. At least her state would dissuade him from trying to rub that in, or so Y/N hoped. A moment passed and James walked in. He had dark bags under his eyes and those usual piercing eyes were surrounded by rings of red. He closed  the door behind him and took long strides until he got to Y/N’s side. He grabbed her uninjured hand and looked at her.

   “How are you feeling?” he asked.

   “Bad. I’d be feelin’ worse without the medicine they gave me.” Y/N’s thumb rubbed the top of James’ hand. “How are you?” 

   James shook his head. “I was so scared, Y/N. When your mother called and told me what happened, I thought that I’d lost you for good and the last thing I ever said to you was so cruel.” His head was bowed but he maintained eye contact with her. He was being so sincere and humble that it broke Y/N’s pride. “I couldn’t live with myself if I knew the last thing I said to you was to have fun with the dogs.” 

   “I should’ve listened to you. If I had just stayed with you, I wouldn’t be here.” The tears finally welled up in Y/N’s eyes and made James’s face blurry. “I only got in the car with him because I didn’t want him to think I’m a coward and to tell all of his producer friends that I’m a coward.” 

   Y/N laughed spitefully. “All of this just so I could finally break into European films. Now I’ll be out of work for at least a year and I can’t imagine what I put you or my parents through.” Her shoulders started to shake. “I’m so sorry.” 

   James gently pulled her into his chest and let the young woman cry out her pain. He stayed silent as he ran his hands through the parts of her hair that wasn’t held by the bandage around her head. “What matters is your safe and when you get out of here, I’m gonna be the best nurse you’ve ever seen.”

   “No,” Y/N sniffled, “you have to keep working. I couldn’t bear being the one holding you back from your career.”

  “I can take breaks when I want to and if I miss a few parts, so what? I gotta make sure my girl’s in good health.”

  Y/N smiled and looked up at James. “From this moment on, I promise to never go to a party again.”

  “Ah, you can still go to them, you just can’t go with wild people. But I promise to always escort you to them and make sure you get home safe.”

  James held Y/N like that for nearly twenty minutes and it was one of those moments that assured Y/N that she and James were supposed to be together. 

[roggling]

A Ride to Remember

1

I did the thing! So this is my A Walk to Remember Kidge AU. I absolutely loved the movie (I have yet to read the book) and I loved how sassy and how bad*ss Carter was and then turned to be so loving towards her after she got into his heart. So this piece was born. Enjoy!

In the small town of Altea, there was never much of a ruckus: a mere squabble between two drunks here and there and a house party once every other week and Keith Kogane. Now, the boy himself screams 'bad boy': long hair up to his shoulders in a modern twist of a mullet, black bangs covering his violet eyes, leather jacket decorating his usual wear, and a frown forever gracing his features.

Keith has become infamous for his 'silent but deadly' look and for his loud motorcycle ruining the usual peace. But never has the boy done anything as bad as last week.

The streets were empty that Friday night; no living soul was out ... well, except for Keith and his friends. 'Voltron', as they liked to call themselves, were out and about on their motorcycles. At the front, Keith and Lance were racing their bikes, both affectionately named Red and Blue respectively, to the park, the rest of the group loosely following behind.

"Keith, Lance, slow down!" Shiro called out from behind the competitive hard-heads.

Lance looked back to their 'leader', "No way, Jose! I'm not letting 'Mullet Head' win this round just because you're scared of a little crash."

With that snarky quip, Lance grazed a neighbor's trash can, causing a loud ruckus as it fell noisily on the ground. Lance quickly gained control of the handlebars again and straightened his bike to avoid another 'accident'.

Beside Shiro, Allura, riding in her pink motorcycle, chuckled, "I think 'little crash' might be an understatement considering your skills combined with your speed, Lance."

Lance huffed and called out, "What are you trying to say, Allura?"

Suddenly, a loud roar overwhelmed their ears as a familiar red motorcycle pulled up alongside Lance's and the rider smirked. "She means to say, Lance," Keith teased, "That you suck."

With that, Keith took off in Lance's opposite direction. The Latino huffed frustratedly and took off after Keith spewing lots of pissed off and playful insults to his 'rival'. The group rolled their eyes and turned around their motorcycles as well.

Lotor, who was riding alongside Allura, chuckled, "Those two will never change. First, there were to the ice cream truck, and, now, there are races back home after a party."

Lotor then revved his engine and went faster in order to catch up next to Keith, "You do realize you are forty above the speed limit."

Keith looked down at his speedometer and his eyes widened, turning back to Lotor to respond, "Really, well, might as well make it fifty."

Lotor rolled his eyes as Keith ignored his warning and whizzed past him, expertly evading every obstacle in his way; swerving away from fallen branches, avoiding every puddle, and whizzing past trash cans.

Lotor fell back far enough to see Keith, but as fast as Keith. Lance gave up two miles into the race after three more close calls and he called after Keith, "Yo! Dude, it's over!"

Keith, who merely heard a far away yell, turned around briefly, "Wh-"

Keith never got to respond completely because just as soon as he turned around, he heard a loud scream before his bike turned over, twisting in the air. Keith grunted as his body thrust forward and his body slid across the hard asphalt of his neighborhood's street. He rolled and rolled before finally stopping twenty foot in front of the cause of the bump.

On the ground in front of him laid an unconscious body, a red stain growing on his hip. Keith froze and widened his eyes as he took the sight in. He hit a body.

Keith scrambled up to his feet and ran towards the unconscious body and he gasped as he recognized him as Hunk Garrett, one of Lance's childhood friends that used to hang out with Voltron before leaving once the group began their dangerous endeavors.

Keith took Hunk's wrist and checked for a pulse, releasing a breath of relief once finding it. Soon, he heard the engines of his friend's motorcycles near and they stopped beside him. Shiro approached him, "Keith, did you- did you hit someone!"

Keith cupped his hand over his cousin's mouth, "Shut up, someone might hear!" Lance ran up to the body and cried out, "Dude you hit my friend!" Allura seemed traumatized as she watched the exchange and the body, "Is- Is he dead?"

Keith huffed, "Of course not. At least, not yet."

Lance scrunched his eyebrows and yelled, "Yet?!"

"Hey! Who's out there!" The group turned their heads to see Chief Kolivan call out from an open window a few houses ahead.

The group froze and when they heard the loud shut of a window, they bolted. Lance immediately sped out of the street in seconds, Lotor and Allura in tow. Shiro looked at the boy and Keith's pleading look before going to Hunk's other side and helping Keith lift him up by his armpit and drag him to rest on a tree.

Shiro then heard Kolivan's door open and he mounted Black before speeding off as well. "Dammit!" Keith cursed as he checked Hunk over again. The chubby boy only had a scratch on his head and on his belly (hence, the red stain on his yellow pajama shirt). The boy was lolling his head back and forth as he fought to come back to reality when Keith finally decided to bolt.

However, once Keith reached his bike, Kolivan had shone his flashlight on Keith already. Keith shut his right eye and peered up at Kolivan in an attempt to look up at the Police Chief, "Evening, Chief. Wonderful time for an evening drive, huh?"

Kolivan showed off Keith a pair of handcuffs and ordered, "Hands above your head."

Keith groaned and did as told before Kolivan grabbed his wrists and handcuffed him, leading him to his patrol car.

Keith limped into the living room, pausing to eye his father. Tex was working in the kitchen, working on some scrambled eggs in the frying pan. Keith sat on the bar stool and rested his elbow on the kitchen island, "Dad, my foot really hurts, I don't think I can make it to school today."

At that, Tex turned around, Keith's scrambled eggs in hand, and glared with such ferocity that Keith had to turn away, "I don't give a jack's ass about your hurt foot. You're going to school."

Keith sighed, "But Dad-"

"Do you know what it feels like to hear that your son got in a motorcycle accident at two in the morning? Not only that, but the poor Garrett kid was also hit and, even though the police claim there's no evidence, I have a funny feeling that it was because of you."

Keith lowered his head and sighed before he heard his father continue in a softer tone, "You've changed, Keith. Where's the fun-loving kid I know you are deep inside?"

Keith ignored his father's questions as he wolfed down a spoonful of scrambled eggs.

"Is it because of your mother?"

Keith put down his spoonful and glared at his dad.

"She's coming back, Keith."

Keith scoffed as he wolfed down another spoonful, "Tell that to the MIA letter taped to my bedroom wall."

Tex sighed before sitting down next to his son, "Keith-"

Keith swallowed the last of the scrambled eggs and stood up, grabbing the jacket at the end of the island, "I'm out."

Tex inhaled a breath of annoyance, "You're not going anywhere with that bike."

"I'll walk," with that Keith shut the door and made his way down the steps carefully as he walked around Altea.

Keith walked around the town with his hands in his pockets, his head in a completely different world. A world where he is happy. A world where he has his mom back. A world where she wasn't missing.

He went back in time when he was ten - the day of her departure. She wore her uniform and a big smile on her face. He gagged as she leaned in to kiss his father goodbye. She laughed when she heard her son's protests and knelt down to reach his height, "Hey, champ. Mommy's going to go away for a while. I don't know when I'm going to be coming back."

Keith wiped a tear away and his mom cupped his cheeks, "Don't worry, you'll have Dad to keep you company. And since I'm going to be gone for a long time, I have a present for you."

Keith gasped as his mom took out a black, grey, and purple blade from her pocket. He looked up into her grey eyes and she chuckled at the awe sparkling in his violet eyes, "This is a Luxite blade: an extremely strong and powerful blade. My dad gave it to me when I turned fifteen."

Keith took the blade in his hands and passed his small hands over the purple highlights, "Is it mine?"

His mom laughed as she took the blade from his chubby hands, "Yes, but for now, your dad will hold onto it until you're fifteen."

The black-haired soldier handed her husband the blade and looked back at her teary-eyed son, "Oh, champ. Don't worry, I'll be back soon enough. But for now..."

She opened her arms and Keith threw himself on his mom, sniffling as he dug his head into her shoulder, ignoring the harsh material of her uniform. Keith fingered the sewed last name, KOGANE, as he sniffled, "I'm gonna miss you."

Krolia lets a single teardrop as she sobbed, "I'm gonna miss you too, champ. I'll be back, promise."

Keith was in a dream-like state for a long while before he heard an angelic voice accompanied by a guitar interrupt his thoughts. He stopped in his tracks and searched for the voice, finding the voice at his right. He turned and found himself in front of Altea's Baptist Church.

He groaned, remembering a couple memories (most of which was of Pastor Holt reprimanding him for playing in church) from his childhood. However, the angelic voice was too enticing to ignore and Keith walked in.

He stood in shock as he saw Katie Holt, the pastor's daughter, standing in the middle of the altar. Beside her on a stool was her older brother, Matthew "Matt" Holt, strumming away on a guitar as she sung her heart out. 

The two didn’t seem to notice Keith watching them as they continued their practice. Keith watched as his childhood acquaintance sang her heart out in a way he never thought possible. It was only when Keith stepped on a squeaky plank that the two siblings paused.

Keith immediately bolted ... well, as much as he can with a sprained ankle. Keith bumped into a row of seats in his rush and caught himself before he cursed. He was in the house of the Lord after all.

Behind him, he heard a faint, “Wait!” before he heard footsteps thundering towards him. He groaned when Katie finally caught up to him, concern etched in her features, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he responded, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Katie pointed down at Keith’s foot, “Well, you aren’t exactly in tip-top shape.”

Keith cocked an eyebrow before brushing past her and repeating, “I’m fine.”

Katie crossed her arms, “Then why’d you come here?”

Keith paused, “Excuse me?”

“No one just enters a church by accident, Keith. Especially someone who’s been avoiding it for years,” Katie sassed, “Why’d you come?”

Keith stood and thought out his answer before responding, “I don’t need to answer to you.”

With that, he turned around and left the pastor's daughter speechless.

[iamcarriesoom]

Furiouser and Furiouser

After ramping up my interest in and dedication to these movies for the past few installments, my hopes were sky-high for this one. Ridiculous-stunt-wise, it was pretty much on point, but as a whole I was a bit disappointed. Not disappointing, however, are the keywords displayed for this movie on IMDb: car falling off a cliff, star died before release, terrorist, revenge, hospital.

We open on Jason Statham, and my first thought is that I’m gonna need to watch this movie with closed captions on so I can understand wtf he’s saying. He’s chatting with his brother, Gaston, who is somehow still alive (though very burned and in a coma) after being launched out of a burning plane (though technically so was Dom and he basically walked away unscathed. He vows revenge and then blows up a lot of the hospital, which seems like a weird choice considering his brother is there.

Dom takes Letty to Race Wars (OMG how have they not changed the name?) to try to trigger her memories. Based on the crowd there, it is apparent that these movies are 80% about cars and 20% about butts. Speaking of butts, Iggy Azalea has a cameo (more like Ugh-y Azalea, am I right?)

Brian is revving an engine, which, surprise! Is in the minivan he drives now because he’s a boring suburban dad now.

Letty runs off and Dom finds her at her own gravestone. Oof. He tries to smash it with sledgehammer and she’s like “No, it’s accurate, Letty died,” and then she takes off which is way harsh, Tai. I mean I get it, but I still feel bad for Dom.

Hobbs is working late at his whatever-it-is-that-he-does job. I know he must not have a strict dress code at [mystery government agency] but a skintight Under Armor tank top seems like it might be pushing the boundaries? He chases Elena, who works for him I guess, to her car to give her a job recommendation for some other job she wants to take. They have kind of a romantic vibe and if I’m being honest, I ship it. When he goes back in, Jason Statham is stealing info off his computer.

He’s like “I’m here for the team that crippled my brother,” and I have a lot of questions. How did he know to go to Hobbs for that info? How does he know it was a team? When he says “my brother,” how does Hobbs automatically know who he’s talking about?

Anyway, they start beating each other up and I’m immediately not liking the way the camera is moving during all of these stunts. If a guy somersaults and the camera spins with him, it’s like he didn’t move at all. I don’t watch action movies to see a ROOM flip over, I want to see a GUY flip over! I don’t know if it’s easier or harder to shoot stunts like this, but it definitely makes them look less impressive, or makes it harder to see how impressive they are.

Elena comes back to help her boss but Jason Statham throws a grenade and they basically jump out the window to save themselves. People in these movies love jumping off buildings onto the roofs of cars, like car roofs are mattresses or something.

Brian, Mia and Dom are hanging out at home. There’s a package on the porch for Dom, and Brian’s getting their son (Jack) strapped into the car. Apparently he’s restless as a dad because he “misses the bullets” from their adventurous lives, which is pretty fucked up. Mia’s pregnant again and tells her brother but not her baby daddy.

Dom’s phone rings and it’s Jason Statham calling from Tokyo right after smashing Han’s car and leaving it to explode. Dom looks at the package on his porch right when it explodes hard enough to take out half the house. It’s…bonkers. Brian slams the minivan door so Jack doesn’t get exploded, but the blast smashes his head into the window. This is the first of many times in this movie that I wonder “Is this how Brian dies?” I spend most of the movie waiting for him to die.

Dom and Hobbs (who has a surprise daughter!!!!) have a chat in the hospital room where Hobbs is laid up with a couple broken bones, basically the first character to ever have any physical repercussions for all their shenanigans. Hobbs is like “Definitely don’t go after this guy…wink wink wink.” It’s extremely weird that this team of car racing petty thieves is now the go-to group of on-call government assasins.

Dom heads to Tokyo and bumps into Mark Paul Gosselaar Jr racing in the garage. At first I was like “Man, Bow Wow has really aged well, he looks basically the same as he did in Tokyo Drift!” Then I realized it was just literally the scene from the end of Tokyo Drift. That also made it weird for the next, new scene, where Mark Paul Gosselaar Jr ages like 10 years in a few minutes. That must’ve been one hell of a race.

Dom is somehow in charge of bringing Han’s body back to the states to be buried in LA, which I find a little odd- does he not have any [other] family? Dom gives a speech and then leaves the funeral to chase the shady car driving by, which naturally has Jason Statham in it. Jason Statham speeds through a yellow light and Dom is stuck, and I’m pretty sure this is the first time in the entire franchise I’ve seen a character stop at a red light.

They play a weird game of chicken and fucking wreck each others’ cars instead of just shooting each other like gentlemen. Then some weird no-name guy who looks like the dad from Step By Step busts in with a whole bunch of stealth goons and Jason Statham gets away. The guy’s name is Mr Nobody and he’s played by Kurt Russell but doesn’t really look like Kurt Russell. Other people up for this role, according to IMDb: Denzel Washington, Halle Barry, Taylor Lautner. What did that casting call even say?? “Character description: a human, probably”?

Mr Nobody loves Belgian beers and wants Dom to find a hacker named Ramsey who’s built some sort of software called God’s Eye, which is basically a suped-up version of that thing from The Dark Knight where they use cell phone cameras to spy on the world. I don’t think any facial recognition software that fast/accurate exists, but sure ok whatever. A warlord has kidnapped Ramsey and Mr Nobody wants Dom to double-kidnap (rescue?) her and in exchange, he can use God’s Eye to find Jason Statham and murder him to avenge Han.

Honestly, Mr Nobody is such a weird character that I assumed he was a secret bad guy for most of the movie even though he said he was friends with Hobbs. Much like I also thought Han was a secret bad guy for most of Tokyo Drift. They keep throwing these mysterious benefactors at us with no explanation and I can’t help but assume they have ulterior motives!

Mr Nobody basically fucks a keg of Belgian ale and then invites (forces? this isn’t clear) Dom’s whole team to come help. Including Letty, even though she took off. Tyrese takes solo credit for everything they’ve ever done and tries to be in charge, but then Tej comes up with the ultimate plan, which ends up being to parachute in their cars out of plane in Azerbaijan. My notes just say “WHAT THE FUCK.”

The plan surprisingly ends up mostly working- they have to bust through a lot of armored jeeps with machine guns, and a heavily armed bus, and somehow Jason Statham is also there driving a sports car through the woods. Brian’s in charge of getting Ramsey (who I briefly also thought might be a secret bad guy) off the bus. Surprise: Ramsey’s an attractive young woman! Whoa! Women know how to use computers? That’s nuts. Brian basically chucks her onto the hood of Dom’s car and is like “you deal with this” and goes back to fighting a highly trained martial artist and matching him punch for punch. When did he become an MMA fighter?

Brian accidentally shoots the bus driver and the other guy traps him on the bus as it’s about to go off a cliff. Without a fully fleshed out plan, Brian climbs out the front door of the bus, precariously hanging over a cliff, climbs up it, and then runs up the bus as it’s falling off the cliff and launches himself at Letty’s car as she drives over to rescue him. It’s such an insane plan, I can’t believe that’s not how he dies.

Dom basically drives off a cliff with Ramsey in the car and they roll down a mountain and somehow find everyone else. Tyrese immediately starts creeping on Ramsey like “she doesn’t LOOK like a hacker!” Tej is like “What to hackers LOOK like?” THANK YOU TEJ. I hope Ramsey picks no one, but if she picks someone I hope it’s you. Brian is apparently also an EMT now because he starts asking Ramsey questions to make sure she’s not a concussion.

They head to Abu Dhabi to pick up “the device” for God’s Eye, which I thought was a program, because Ramsey sent it to her friend for safekeeping. When they get there they apparently have time to take a swim, where Tyrese gets that gem of a line “It’s hotter than I thought it would be.” Twist: he is not talking about the desert, but about Ramsey’s smoking bod! It’s funny when women are referred to as “it”!

Ramsey’s shit-ass friend is like “Great news! I sold it!” Who are you, the mom who sold her kid’s $5000 Magic card because he left it in her house? JFC dude. He agrees to get them into the party of the super rich guy who bought it, and believe it or not this guy put the device in his fancy sports car. 

The gang gets to dress fancy and Dom and Letty have a Moment in the elevator where she starts to have flashes of memory. They have to sneak into a few different places and get the device out of the car without getting caught by this guy’s fancy all-lady security team, including UFC fighter/terrible actress Ronda Rousey. Brian and Dom get to the car and the plan is for Dom to just lift the car with his arms while Brian slides underneath to get the device. Somehow this takes about nine years.

The gang starts to get found out so they just hop in the car and crash through the party, right when Jason Statham shows up and starts shooting. It seems like a waste that they agreed to risk their lives to find Ramsey in exchange for using God’s Eye to find Jason Statham if he’s just gonna show up everywhere they go anyway.

They end up driving the car out of the penthouse apartment and into a building next door, where they smash a bunch of terra cotta warriors. I really hate when antiquities get smashed in movies. I did not care for that scene in The Core when they blew up the Coliseum. Leave antiquities alone!! They drive through some more buildings and Brian rips the device out of the car from inside it, and they manage to bail right before the car plummets to its death.

They do not explain how everyone else managed to get out of that fancy apartment without getting shot by Jason Statham or put in Abu Dhabi prison, but they do at least kind of try to explain how God’s Eye words. They find Jason Statham, and Dom and Mr Nobody start coming up with a plan to take him out. Dom’s like “My guys are racers, not killers.” Dom, since when has that mattered to ANYONE. They’re also not detectives, computer experts, safe crackers or martial artists, but that hasn’t stopped them from being masters at all of those things!

Brian and Dom, plus Mr Nobody and his team, take off for another quip-fest at Jason Statham’s warehouse. Jason Statham brings in the warlord who originally kidnapped Ramsey, and his whole team, and I’m fairly certain this is the scene where Brian is going to die.

Mr Nobody gets shot, and Mr Nobody’s number one dies. Dom and Brian drag him out of there, they lose God’s Eye, and as it turns out Mr Nobody isn’t even dying. They abandon him by the side of the road (he had a helicopter coming but it still felt kinda cold) and head back to the gang to figure out what’s next.

Dom is gonna find Jason Statham (bad guy #1), and the rest of the gang is gonna roam the city so Ramsey can counter-hack God’s Eye to shut bad guy #2 (Djimon Hounsou) out. I feel like law enforcement definitely should’ve been trying to do something about Djimon Hounsou’s chopper with the torpedo drone. As should be expected, they’re making a big fucking mess and Hobbs sees it on tv. I kind of forgot that he wasn’t in most of this movie.

Hobbs is like “Daddy’s gotta go work” and flexes so hard his cast breaks off. This is not an exaggeration like when I said Mr Nobody fucked a keg of Belgian Ale. This is an actual thing that happened in the movie.

Dom meets Jason Statham on a rooftop and they start wailing on each other with wrenches. We already know Dom beat a man halfway to death with a wrench, so I like his odds here.

Brian has to break into a cell tower to do something so Ramsey can keep hacking. I feel like there’s WAY too much going on in this movie. He has to fight the same henchman he fought on the bus, which I always like. I like when each protagonist has their own henchman adversary through the movie and it’s like “Oh, you again.” Once again I’m sure this scene is how Brian dies.

Hobbs jumps an ambulance off a bridge to take down Djimon Hounsou’s torpedo drone, then he rips the machine gun off of it and carries it around with him to try to shoot down the helicopter. Somehow Brian gets the cell tower to do whatever he was trying to do, and Ramsey’s 80% complete hack just finished up without having to start over. I don’t think any of this is how computers work?

Dom and Jason Statham are still wrenching each other and yet neither has any major damage. Dom’s like “The thing about street fights, the street always wins, “which is probably the dumbest line in the whole movie. He basically pushes Jason Statham into a crevasse in the crumbling parking garage and jumps his car at the helicopter to deliver them a bag of grenades, which Hobbs shoots with his machine gun and takes the whole thing down.

Dom absolutely should not have survived that, but the team rushes around and Brian gives him some extremely terrible CPR, and Letty gushes about how she remembers everything. Surprise! They’re married. No one even knew! She wore a surprisingly feminine wedding dress. He comes back to life and they’re in love again.

Somehow Jason Statham survived and is in jail now, but is surprisingly cocky about his escape plans.

Everyone else goes on a beach vacation (or maybe just to the beach, they do all live in LA.) Ramsey’s just…in the family now. Did she not have a life or friends to go back to from her pre-kidnap days? They’re all creepily watching Brian and Mia play with Jack on the beach.

This is where the movie gets fucking weird. I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion, but the end of this movie is Bad. They’re all extremely emotional about Brian being “home” and how “it’s never goodbye.” I understand that they’re symbolically saying all that about Paul Walker, the actor, who died, but the character, Brian, is alive. We’re still in the movie world! You can’t start the in memoriam for the ACTOR while the movie is still happening!

Dom takes off in his car, but then Brian pulls up to him at a light and they race for a little while and then go their separate ways, and also a bunch of old clips of Brian from the previous movies play with a light Wiz Khalifa soundtrack. It made me questions whether I’d missed something or if they were implying Brian was a ghost. Maybe this would’ve all made more sense if I’d seen it closer to when he actually passed away, and not the day after I was tweeting how creepy it was that he met his girlfriend when he was 33 and she was 16? I’ll never know. I do know that I definitely thought that Brian would die when Paul Walker died, and I enjoy that they let him live, elsewhere, on a beach with Mia and their kids. Have a nice life, Brian.

Previously:

Vol 6: Planes, Tanks & Automobiles

Vol 5: 5ast 5ive

Vol 4: Fast & Fourious

Vol 3: What’s even the point of driftng?

Vol 2: 2 Furious 2 Quit

Vol 1: The Fast & the Curious