#also the way i spent all of yesterday evening and this morning preparing myself for rejection..... JSAKDJA

[lovelifeluaghsukuna]

blue sky🦋

chapter 2

chapter 1

TW:blood,kidnapping,k!ll ,abuse

I'll write the TW for every chapter 🦋

Word count:1058 .

At the break of dawn, as the sun began to appear on the horizon and slowly ascend into the sky, Sukuna was awakened by the barking of his dog, Jack.

He got out of bed, washed up, and put on his white shirt, rolling up the sleeves to reveal his large, tattooed forearms. He then put on his loose black pants and styled his hair upwards.

Sukuna never paid much attention to his appearance; he always kept things simple. After that, he placed food in his dog's bowl beside the fridge and searched for something to eat. Finding only some milk and cereal, he quickly prepared his breakfast and ate it.

He then headed to his truck to start his day as a delivery man in this small village. But Sukuna’s work wasn’t limited to deliveries; he also worked as a carpenter and even a porter. His large build, muscular physique, and experience in construction made him well-suited for performing various maintenance tasks around the village.

The next morning, Sukuna first went to Mr. and Mrs. Hana's house to collect the milk, then to the Tsuki family home to pick up the vegetables. He also stopped by several homes to fix minor issues. After that, he headed to the grandmother’s house to collect the eggs. He parked his truck beside the house and went to knock on the door.

After a few moments, the door opened, and Sukuna expected to see the grandmother as usual, but instead, there was a girl—a beautiful girl he had never seen in the village before. Who could she be?

In a sharp tone, Sukuna said,

"The eggs?"

The girl replied, confused,

"What?"

Just then, a voice from behind her, presumably the grandmother’s, said,

"Oh, it’s Mr. Ryomen! Welcome, welcome, come in."

Sukuna glanced at the grandmother, then back at the girl standing before him. The girl stepped aside to let him enter. Sukuna went in and greeted the grandmother, who said,

"You’ll find the eggs in the usual spot on the kitchen table."

Sukuna headed to the kitchen to collect the egg baskets while the mysterious girl followed him. He easily carried all the baskets in his hands, and the girl watched in awe and admiration. She smiled and said, "I guess you don’t need help carrying those. By the way, I didn’t introduce myself—my name is Y/N. I’m the grandmother’s granddaughter, and I just arrived from Tokyo yesterday."

Sukuna was a bit taken aback; he hadn’t known the grandmother had a granddaughter this age. The girl seemed young, beautiful, and strangely tempting. He ignored her and turned to the grandmother, saying firmly,

"I’ll bring the money by in the afternoon."

He then left for his truck to continue his day.

But the truth is, his mind was distracted all day thinking about the girl—

you!

Sukuna had spent his life moving between remote villages, avoiding the noise and crowds of the cities. He preferred the peace and isolation so he could carry out his activities away from prying eyes. And what are those activities? There’s no need to explain.

The village was mostly populated by elderly people, and it was rare to see a young man or woman wandering around. Sukuna’s day ended with many tasks accomplished. When he returned home, his dog greeted him with a welcoming bark. He patted its head, prepared its food, then lay down on the couch in the middle of the living room and closed his eyes to rest.

But your image lingered in his mind. He felt a deep hunger, but not for food—it was for something else. For blood.

It hadn’t been long since his last victim; usually, he hunted every few months, targeting people from areas a bit further away from the village. But this time, he wanted something specific. He wanted you.

He imagined wrapping his hand around your soft neck, biting into your shoulder that peeked from your clothes, or maybe even kissing your lips?

Kissing?

Did Sukuna just think about kissing?

This was new. His needs from his victims were always for hurting or devouring them, but this was the first time his thoughts strayed from that path.

Sukuna quickly got up from the couch, trying to shake these thoughts from his head. He cleaned up his house and got ready for bed.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

after Sukuna left your house, you turned to your grandmother in disbelief. "Did he just ignore me? What a strange person, and he looks scary too! I tried to be nice, but it seems he doesn’t deserve that," you said with frustration, throwing yourself onto the couch.

Your grandmother laughed and said, "That’s just how Mr. Ryumen is. He doesn’t like small talk; he just comes to do his job quietly and then leaves."

"How long has he been living here, Grandma?" you asked.

"He moved here four years ago and settled in the house by the lake. People in the village were scared of him, and some even suspected he might be a serial killer or something like that!"

"What!! A serial killer? I wouldn’t be surprised; he certainly looks the part. Anyway, what’s the plan for today?" you asked.

Your grandmother thought for a moment before saying, "I’m not sure, but would you like a tour around the village now?"

"Yes, yes! I want to see how it’s changed over the years!"

After breakfast and finishing up the household chores, you changed into a short pink dress, tied your hair into a ponytail, and went back to the living room where your grandmother was waiting.

"I’m ready, shall we go?" you said.

Your grandmother nodded and linked her arm with yours as you both left the house.

She first took you to the lake where you used to play as a child. "Wow, the lake hasn’t changed at all. It still looks as beautiful as it did in the past. I miss swimming in it," you said with a slight frown.

Your grandmother also frowned and said, "Unfortunately, dear, it’s not safe for swimming anymore. It’s filled with trash and dirt now."

"What happened to it? That’s really sad."

You continued your walk around the village, reminiscing about the past and memories. You also met some old friends of your grandmother who complimented you, saying how much you’ve grown into a young woman.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

a short chapter cuz i feel like i want to 0-0

how it was do you like it guys?:(

[writteninthesewalls28]

Family

A story about a girl wanting to find out the truth

A/n: chapter seven!

Warnings: mentions of death

Milly’s POV:

After a full night of sleep with Calum next to me, I woke up the next morning, pretty relaxed. With the soft smell of vanilla, probably still from the scented candles we put on yesterday, I got out of the cuddly bed after noticing that Calum wasn’t next to me anymore. Every once a week, he gets up before me, carefully, so he doesn’t wake me up, and prepares breakfast with the things I love the most: pancakes, breakfast tea (yes, I am a full brit when it’s about that), honey, peanut butter and fresh fruits. It is a tradition we picked up from Calums mum, who did it for him and his sister when they were little. I, sadly, never got to experience that since my mum had to work a lot during mine, Louis' and Félicité's childhood. When we were older, we sometimes tried doing it for the younger kids, but 3 to 4 teenagers (ages 14-17) in a kitchen is not working out in the slightest. You simply couldn’t call the pancakes pancakes because they were burnt half of the time. But we had fun doing it and it helped keeping the mood up in the rainy Doncaster.

As soon as I stepped out of the bedroom door, I already heard Calum moving and working in the kitchen. When he saw me entering the room, he gave me a sweet smile and I myself felt like the honey he put on the table at that moment. How can someone be that perfect?

"Good morning beautiful!" He greeted me and gave a quick kiss on the cheek while carefully turning around the delicious looking pancakes in the pan.

"Morning, thanks for doing all this." I said, not really knowing how to thank him for all the extra work he does, just for me.

"Oh, no need to thank me, I love making you happy!" My Calum. He’s simply the best. "Come on, sit down princess, I'll do the work today!"

————————————

After the long but definitely good breakfast, me and Cal spent some time talking about upcoming events.

"We’re putting together a tour list at the moment. Should I show it to you, so you can think about coming to some of them?" Calum knew, I‘d love to just come with the boys on tour, but my job of course didn’t allow me a break of 6 months, so I‘m always very involved in the tour planning with the boys, to get to see them at least 3 times.

"Yes, I'd love that. By the way, how’s the album, how many songs do you have?" Calum and I are both very introverted and private about our job life, so even though we understand each other blind, we mostly don’t really have that much knowledge about one another’s job.

"We got around 5 songs where we are pretty sure, we’re gonna put them on the album they’re simply amazing." He sighed. "But other than that, we seem to have a lack of inspiration at the moment. All of us." It felt good to have a complete platonic talk with him, not even wasting a single thought about the whole googling-the-names thing because if I'm being honest I am kind of scared about that. I'd rather just not do it and pretend it isn’t even there.

Before I could answer Calum, we heard the doorbell ring. We looked at each other. "Did the boys say, they want to come today?" I whispered at Calum. He just shook his head as a response.

Slowly making my way to the door, I wondered who'd have the idea to visit us at a Tuesday morning at 10 am. Opening the door, the familiar face of an irish person, wearing one of his beloved cardigans in a soft baby blue and his strong accent when he said:

"Missed me?" Made me jump into his arms, screaming because of how happy I was to finally get the chance to see my best friend again.

"Nialler!! I missed you so much!"

Me and Niall definitely do have some history. As soon as Louis got put into 1D and the five lads started to hang out more, I of course also met them, shortly before I went to Australia for the exchange year, and immediately became best friend with Niall. You know, these weird people where you think, they have to be dating because they act so couple-like, but are actually just best friends? Yeah, that’s us. I remember having a very exhausting 30-minutes talk with Louis just because he was convinced I was hiding the fact from him that I was dating his friend Niall (which I‘d never even dare to do, he would’ve killed me) and then couldn’t believe we literally were JUST friends.

I really hope no one ever finds these chaotic photos from 2013 on my phone where I was on tour with them. Me and Niall used to cause so many problems and make the most chaotic things ever, but it was the best time of my life, even now.

"Why are you here though?" I asked after letting go of him. He looked at me with a huge grin on his face, showing he loves being with me as much as I do.

"I haven’t seen y'all in too long and since I do not have anything to do at the moment, I thought why not visit my bestie and her Australian boyfriend in this little city called Adelaide." Calum approached us from behind laying his arm around my shoulder.

"Not to mention that we just talked yesterday." He said, earning a confused look from me.

"I sent him songs." Calum informed me. I pouted.

"I didn’t even got to hear them, but you are showing them to my bestie?“ I asked. Niall simply couldn’t stop laughing, he wasn’t used to the daily banter me and Calum had whenever other people were around since he wasn’t visiting us that often, mostly also busy with touring, songwriting and promoting new stuff.

But that only made me even happier he was there right now.

"Come inside!“ I said to him, stepping away from the doorstep, to let him in our house.

The break I took from work, originally for other reasons, was the best idea ever. I got to catch up with Niall and we talked about the last year that we haven’t seen each other. Currently, all of my musician friends - which are basically all of my friends - are working on albums and preparing a world tour, also including Niall. He’s writing songs, already played some for me, and is gonna call his second album 'Heartbreak Weather' because of his breakup last summer, his songs representing his feelings to different times during the relationship.

"And how are you?" He asked me, after he literally talked for over 1 and a half hours about himself and how he’s doing. But I totally appreciated it, catching up with my friends, especially with him, was something I always enjoyed.

"I'm… good." I said, not sure, if I'd upset another important person in my life with breaking the current news to him. So that sentence seemed to describe my current state pretty perfectly.

Niall raised his eyebrows, immediately seeing through my lie, simply debating if he should say something about it. He decided to just let me go with it right now.

"Okay, that’s amazing!" In this moment, Calum entered the living room again, sitting down exactly in the same spot as yesterday when I came home and had that horrible conversation with Lou. For a moment, I couldn’t focus on what the two of them were talking about. I got lost in my thoughts, having a flashback from yesterday, how Cal comforted me, understanding how much Louis words hurt me. Is Louis okay now? Is he still angry? I stared at the spot on the comfy couch and stopped breathing for a second.

"Milly?" Calum said, waving both of his hands in front of my face.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" I responded, snapping out of the weird situation I was in seconds ago. I was completely unsure and also scared what just happened, it felt like, someone held me underwater and I couldn’t break out of it.

Both of the men looked at me with a both worried and concerned look in their face.

"Are you okay? You are really pale." Calum said, softly placing his warm hand on my shoulder. Was there fear in his eyes?

"I'm not feeling so good right now, I’m gonna go upstairs for a bit." Seeing the worried look Calum gave me as he let me go, I added: "Don’t worry, I just forgot to take my medicine this morning." Which was the truth, I indeed forgot to take my pills to make sure my blood pressure stays okay and I don’t faint all of a sudden, but I never got this weird feeling from not taking them.

Cal's POV:

Of course he was worried when he saw her go up the stairs in a very slow pace, also scared she’s gonna faint on the stairs. But Niall asked him a way more important question in the mean time, he couldn’t seem to ignore.

"Why are both of you acting so strange? Please don’t tell me it’s nothing, I know there is something going on."

As much as he felt like ignoring this would be the best idea, his inner voice didn’t stop telling him that if he’d talk to Niall about Milly’s father’s death, everything will get a little easier, he won’t have to handle the whole situation and his knowledge completely on his own. Someone else would know.

"Milly is searching for her biological parents." All of the color in Nialls face who was sitting right beside him, suddenly vanished and he nearly got as pale as Milly was before she went upstairs.

"Oh no…. How is Louis?" Niall seemed to know that he doesn’t have to worry about his best friend, Calum would take care of her. But he knew Louis better than anyone else, he’s too protective to just not care.

"He and Milly had a fight on the phone yesterday, she was away for 8 hours and forgot to answer her phone while visiting the empty house of her biological parents." Calum explained the poor situation between the two siblings. He continued telling him about everything else Milly went through yesterday, not leaving out a single detail, and Niall got more and more uncomfortable on the sofa. When he finished a awkward silences stood between them, like a wall was built up in the middle of the sofa, Niall being the first to break it.

"And you? You seem to deal with something too." Calum definitely was surprised Niall also noticed that, since Calum tried hiding it pretty successfully in front of Milly, as much as he could tell.

"Well…" He tried thinking about a more gentle way of explaining his misery to Niall, but didn’t get a single idea. "I googled their names. I know I shouldn’t have done that since Milly basically forbid me to do anything without her consent, but I just need to protect her you know?" He took a deep breath before continuing.

"I found a obituary. And-" His voice cracked, he didn’t know how to finish this sentence, why he even started it in the first place.

Niall placed both of his hands on Calum shoulders.

"What happened?" Calum could easily spot the fear in Nialls tone.

"And it said that her father died right before her birth, that’s probably why she was adopted." He finally said it out loud. How relieved he felt. He finally got to say it.

But Niall obviously wasn’t very happy about that piece of information.

"He’s dead?" He asked one more time, getting a little nod from Calum. Milly really didn’t deserve this. She is such an amazing girl who is already dealing with so much in her life, death sadly being an important part of it. He'd love to just hide it from her for forever and make sure she never finds out, just to protect her.

"You have to tell her." Niall then said, much to Calum’s surprise.

"But Niall, do you understand this? He died, Milly maybe won't recover from another death in her family!" He tried explaining it to his old friend with a desperate tone in his voice.

"But what do you think will she do if she finds out, he boyfriend knew all along? Be happy that you tried 'protecting' her? She’s not gonna appreciate your concern for her, not this time Calum!" He got louder and louder, causing Calum to bring more space between them by sitting back a bit. He knew, Niall was right, he already felt it last night that his decision isn’t the best. But something in Calum still made him believe that this is the best way of dealing with the current situation.

[voraciousvore]

Boarding School for Giants (9/25)

------ Chapter 9 ------

Mr. Henderson dropped me off at the human dormitory and left. The sun was spent, swathing the campus in the velvety darkness of night. Towering streetlamps provided sparks of light to weakly illuminate the sidewalks in a soft glow. Insects that presented as nothing more than sentient white specks floated around the lights. Crickets chirped enthusiastically, providing a soothing ambience. 

The night was calm, but inside I was churning with desperate turmoil. Fate must be playing some sort of cruel trick on me. If I had any doubts that my mother didn’t want me anymore, they had been cast aside. I just couldn’t believe it, couldn’t accept it. My life was falling apart before my eyes. I wasn’t sure if I could make it through another day here, alone, much less an entire year of school and beyond. I felt as if I were imprisoned within my own personal twisted version of purgatory, atoning for my past wrongs. Sighing heavily, I went inside and prepared for my day tomorrow. 

At least tomorrow was Friday. I just had to get through one day of school and then I’d have the weekend to cool off. A whole weekend of hiding out in this building, praying that nobody would open the roof and torment me or steal me away. Ugh. I’d have to find a secret place somewhere else on campus to hide out, some place where only a human could fit and no giants would find me. It would also be advantageous to have a spot to hide within the dormitory. Scanning my surroundings, I checked the cabinet beneath the sink. The small compartment underneath wasn’t the most comfortable, but I could fit inside if necessary. I made a mental note to remember the cramped space if I got in a pinch. 

Next, I looked over my class schedule for tomorrow. The school worked off an alternating schedule, with six total class periods, three per day. Friday, the odd day out, rotated on a weekly basis. This week’s Friday consisted of periods four through six. Since I didn’t have PE, my sixth period was an empty slot, meaning I just had to get through two classes, history and chemistry, and then I could leave. I could manage that, hopefully. Being optimistic wasn’t in my nature, but I made an exception in this case. I couldn’t allow myself to imagine all the horrible ways that my day could go wrong, or else I’d have another mental breakdown. Trying to drown out all the troubled thoughts rattling around in my brain, I went to bed. 

When I woke up the next morning, my legs were very sore. My muscles had been worked a lot more than usual traversing the giant campus, and I had never biked so much in my life. I groaned and stretched and rolled out of bed. After I got dressed and was all ready to go, I collected up the textbooks I would need into my backpack and stepped outside, after checking that the coast was clear. I hopped on my bike and began the long journey to the giant school.  

I considered myself lucky that I actually enjoyed biking, because otherwise I would have been even more miserable than I already was. I just wished my legs weren’t hurting as much as they were. Since I had left early, there weren’t too many giants out and about yet. They were fortunate enough to be able to stumble out of bed and take a few steps to get to school, as opposed to biking a marathon like me. I was very skittish, giving everyone I saw a wide berth, especially after my little accident yesterday where I had scraped my knees. 

I eventually succeeded in my quest to reach the cafeteria, which had opened for breakfast only a few minutes earlier. My food wasn’t there, so I waited around nervously. After my terrible interaction with that one student in the cafeteria, I was on high alert, fearful of any eyes that may wander my way. Right now, most of the students filing in were waiting in line for their breakfast, so nobody was looking at me. Distracted, I didn’t notice the lunch lady who stepped around the counter with my breakfast until she was practically right on top of me. 

“Excuse me, dear,” the plump elderly women announced her presence, kneeling over me. I squeaked in surprise and jumped back about five feet. “Oh, I didn’t mean to startle you. Here’s your breakfast sweetie.” She held out a small brown paper bag pinched between two gloved fingers, being careful not to smash the contents. 

“T-thanks,” I managed to respond. I took the bag from her fingers and looked up at her with wide eyes. 

“Also, I apologize for not having your meals ready for you on your first day. There was a miscommunication, and nobody told us there was a human attending the school,” she explained to me, smiling kindly. “If anything like that happens again, don’t be afraid to come talk to one of us in the kitchen, alright?” 

“Okay,” I uttered, barely above a whisper. She returned to her full height and walked off, and I stood there holding the bag, stunned that somebody had actually been nice to me. I opened the bag, revealing a tasty-looking breakfast burrito, a cup of chopped fruit, and a carton of chocolate milk. I marveled at the thought that giant hands had been able to meticulously craft my tiny human meal. The sentiment was kind of sweet, considering the staff could have just cut up some giant food and sloppily thrown something together, rather than carefully wrapping up a mini burrito. 

I was about to sit down and partake in my repast, but I noticed some giant students shooting subtle glances my way. I didn’t want any attention or trouble, so I exited the cafeteria to find a more secluded spot to eat. I decided to go to the library. I snuck inside and parked my bike just inside the door where it wouldn’t get kicked or stepped on. I walked over to one of the human-sized tables and made myself comfortable, taking a big satisfying bite out of the breakfast burrito.  

A giant pair of black high-heeled shoes clicked down loudly next to me. I looked up with my cheeks puffed full of food. My eyes traced a sleek pair of feminine legs wrapped in a tight pencil skirt, topped with a white blouse, up to a stern face with glasses. I could only assume she was the librarian. I swallowed and nearly choked. 

The giantess aggressively cleared her throat. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” she asked angrily. I was at a loss for words and stared up at her blankly. She pointed at a sign on the wall, miles above my head where I had completely missed it. “No food or drink allowed,” she recited, glaring down at me. 

“S-sorry,” I stuttered in apology, avoiding eye contact and grabbing my things. I scurried out in a rush, taking my bike with me. Although I didn’t want to eat my breakfast in the bathroom, I couldn’t think of any other place to go where I would reliably be left alone. Sighing, I crept into the human bathroom and finished my meal in solitude. The whole morning had been quite jarring. One moment somebody was being nice to me, handing me a custom meal, and the next somebody was yelling at me to get out. The latter confrontation left me consumed by anxiety, and I hadn’t even started my first class of the day yet. 

Reminded of class, I realized it would be in my best interest to get there early, before the hazardous flood of giant students rushing to their respective classrooms. I left the bathroom and biked to my next class without incident, dodging feet as I went. Not surprisingly, I was the first in the room, and I took advantage of that fact by taking my time setting my bike in the rack, climbing the stairs, and picking out the optimal place to sit. I pulled my class materials out of my bag and waited. 

Soon enough the teacher strolled in. He was an older man with a salt-and-pepper beard and thick bifocal glasses. He wore a tan suit with a muted plaid print design, a brown bowtie, and brown loafers. He presented exactly as I imagined a history teacher should appear, dusty and faded. He didn’t notice me at all, and started writing on the chalkboard at the front of the class. Giant students began filtering in. A few of them glanced over at me and my stomach cramped up with discomfort. Was it just my imagination, or were more of the giants becoming aware of my existence? I had almost preferred to be invisible. I was scared that the increased attention would cause more problems for me. 

I supposed, at a school like this with relatively few students (I couldn’t exactly refer to it as a “small” school, now could I?), where everybody lived on campus and knew each other, word would get around quickly. I was sure the expulsion of a student for consuming another student would be a hot topic for gossip. How could such a crazy concept not make the rounds? I didn’t like the idea that everybody already knew about my humiliating, traumatic experience, that being small enough to fit inside someone’s stomach would be my defining characteristic before they even got to know me. Just being reminded of the incident made me sick and agitated. I started to feel like I was falling into an endless abyss, panic welling up within me, until the sound of the bell snapped me out of my trance. 

“Ok, class. Today we’ll be discussing the topic of human slavery in giant society. Please open your textbooks to chapter six,” the giant teacher announced. Did I hear him correctly? I obeyed and flipped open my textbook to the correct chapter. A grisly image of humans muzzled and chained up in a giant hand greeted my eyes. My blood ran cold. I turned the page to expose more images of humans constrained with black leather harnesses, working under the supervision of giant slavedrivers. There were pictures suggesting torture, and humans being cooked and eaten. My mouth dropped open with horror. I had never heard of such a history from any human textbooks. 

“So, the time period we’re discussing now predates the construction of the wall, when humans and giants still lived together in a single society. Clearly, as giants were and still are the physically superior species, humans were delegated to the role of slaves,” the teacher lectured. As the teacher surveyed the class, his eyes finally found me. He stopped, plainly surprised to see a human among the students, and raised an eyebrow. However, he recovered quickly and continued his lecture without a hitch. 

“While some humans were put to work in the fields, they were unable to operate farming equipment, due to their miniscule size. Thus, humans were best put to use as domestic servants or personal assistants, and were oftentimes utilized for personal pleasure.” I shuddered hard at this revelation. Just the other day, I had almost been forcibly conscripted for such a nefarious purpose. 

“Humans who resisted were sometimes brutally beaten or tortured, but most often were simply eaten,” the teacher continued. “Of course, humans could not provide any effective resistance against giants, so no wide-scale revolts ever materialized.” That fact was hardly surprising to me, considering how powerless I personally was among giants. 

 “Eventually, economic and social change ushered in a new era of development, and slavery fell out of fashion. A group of giants sympathetic to humankind pushed to end the barbaric practice, and through peaceful political means a law was passed in the legislature banning slavery. Humans were allotted their own land, and the wall was built to keep the two societies separate. In order to foster healthy relations between humans and giants, humans agreed not to teach to future generations the ugly history of slavery, so as not to breed resentment towards giants.” 

That last statement explained why I had never heard anything about the subject, or giants in general, and why the two societies remained relatively insulated from each other. I was skeptical of the reasoning, however. I doubted such a sensitive topic could simply be discarded and forgotten. The humans were likely coerced into the agreement, forced to accept the condition in exchange for their freedom. It was history, and in the past, but considering my current circumstances I was nonetheless deeply disturbed. 

The teacher droned on for a while, going into detail about specific dates and historical figures. He assigned us a passage in the textbook to read and an essay on the subject. Great, my first homework assignment. Yuck. At long last, the bell rang. I was in no hurry to leave, since braving the halls would be easier once most of the giants cleared out. I took my time gathering up my stuff and plodding down the stairs. 

By the time I collected my bike, most of the other students had left. I rolled my bike toward the doorway and was about to get on when a giant brown loafer blocked my path. My heart jumped into my throat. I gazed up at the colossal giant towering above me. 

“Hold on,” his voice rumbled like thunder. “I need to speak to you for a moment.” He bent down to be closer to my level, wincing slightly when he put weight on his knee. Even when he was in a crouch, his gargantuan form still loomed over me. 

“I don’t know if you realize this, but I won’t be able to read any handwritten assignment you turn in,” he pointed out, adjusting his glasses. I hadn’t thought it through until then, but it dawned on me that he was undeniably right. A paper my size would barely be the size of his fingernail. 

“You’ll need to pair up with another student and have them type up your paper and print it for you, alright?” he instructed. I gulped as a heavy blanket of dread smothered me. I didn’t have anyone to help me. I was alone. I was too nervous to protest to the teacher, though. 

“Okay,” I agreed in a weak, high-pitched voice. 

“Also, as regards the subject matter of today’s class,” he added, “be careful. Human slave trafficking is illegal, but in rare cases it still happens today, in defiance of the law. Don’t let yourself fall into the wrong hands.” He gave me an earnest look. 

I could only nod dumbly. The giant stood back up and moved his foot out of the way, allowing me to pass. I hustled out of there as fast as my bike would carry me. 

Next chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731604787749060608/boarding-school-for-giants-1025?source=share

1st chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731600430392639488/boarding-school-for-giants-125?source=share

[ezekieltobiasfletcher]

Keep It Simple

The worst of my bout with COVID is over. Tomorrow will be two weeks since I noticed the uncomfortable tingle in my throat. Yesterday marks one week since I suffered the worst of it. I am on the mend, but some symptoms still linger. As much as I want them to go away, I need these remaining mild symptoms to linger a little while longer as a reminder. I need to be reminded of the promises I made to my higher power that I would take better care of myself. To sleep when I am tired, and not to use substinances, screens, and people to distract myself from the work and pains of living my life on life's terms. I need to be reminded of how honest I was with myself as I pleaded through prayer to survive this virus. I need to be reminded that I will not find my salvation in thinking about what I need to do. I will only save myself by focusing on my higher power and walking my talk. If I want things to be different, then I need to continue breaking from my old habits and coping mechanisms and act as-if, being different, everyday, one day at a time.

I had very little appetite while I was in the depths of COVID. For a few days, all I could tolerate was Lipton Noodles packets with some added rice. The first day I felt a little better, I knew I needed to consume calories, protein, and fiber to help my decimated digestion system. I decided to keep it simple, and made myself two eggs, scrambled in the pan, and two slices of wheat toast with butter. I also decided to nourish my soul by playing one of my favorite games with my mind. I call it, "look how lucky I am..."

I was raised by an early Boomer mother, born in the latter half of the 1940's. She was raised by parents who grew up during the depression, and she also spent a great deal of time with her maternal grandparents, who together with my maternal grandparents, all survived The Great Depression. The love and hardships that my mom was raised with gave her the ability to always find silver linings and to make do with what she had. I will write more about her someday, but for today, I just want you to know that I am very grateful for her and her simple, everyday values that bring me comfort when I need it most. My mother's spirit is part of the great amalgamation that is my "higher power".

As I was making my breakfast, I put on a YouTube Music playlist called: Depression Era, Golden Age of Radio. I remembered stories I was told about what it was like living through world wars, the 1918 flu, and the Great Depression. While preparing my meal, these memories of stories from my family made me thankful to have a stove, cookware, a toaster, sliced bread, butter, eggs, salt and pepper, and a warm home with indoor hot water plumbing to live in. By my grandparents and great grandparent's standards, I have everything I need to live a good and simple life. By simply having a job and a home in the United States, I am in the top 5% of the world. Look how lucky I am.

As horrible as COVID has been for me, it helped me get to bed earlier, I haven't had any marijuana in two weeks, I've limited my screen time, I removed all the social media apps from the home screen of my phone, I've logged off from work by 5:30pm each day, I'm being more intentional about my meals, and with not getting the munchies from the pot, I'm not snacking all the time like Scooby and Shaggy. And as shitty as being sick was, literal pun intended, I am back to my pre-COVID lockdown weight. So yeah... I'm letting this recent mental bottoming out affect me, and I'm getting out of my own way and drawing even closer to my higher power. Look how lucky I am to be alive and be able to change for the better.

For what it's worth, that meal of eggs, toast, and a small glass of orange juice, it was the most delicious fucking meal I have had in a long time. I never want to forget the depth of gratitude I felt on that morning; ever.

[aonoexpat]

05-11-2023 (3/3)

After getting Elrond back in working order, I said goodbye to Motueka (and a little baby Pīwakawaka who came to say goodbye back) and went on my way to Elaine Bay. I made a brief stop in Whakatū to get some groceries, and then drove down the road I mentioned in yesterday's post, which offered stunning views that were hard to photograph:

I had to fight not to get out of my car for photos at every turn. I spent the night there and in the morning I went back out to the water. The sun was shining brightly now and the water was just as clear as the night before, which meant I could see the fish, the starfish, and the absolutely massive stingrays I had been wise to avoid encountering in the dark last night:

I enjoyed the (still) lovely sunny weather by going on my last hike of the island: Pīwakawaka track, which led to a very peaceful little beach in about 45 minutes one way:

And despite my reluctance, after having lunch (cooking in Elrond for the last time) I had to get back on the road. I managed to take some more pretty pictures of the view:

I'll admit, I was very emotional during the hike and the drive. It really feels like the end of an era, and even though part of me never wants to leave, I feel like it's a good thing that it's ending. I have been alone for too long, and today I really felt that. Not only have I been physically alone, and dealing with a lot of stressful things, but this trip has also forced me out of my sociopolitical bubble and that has been unsettling to say the least. It has made me think a lot about what I find important, what home means to me, and how I want to live my life going forward. It's like I've stepped out of my comfort zone, and now have lost all sense of where it's supposed to be. I crave to go back, I'm homesick, but I know I've changed. I still am changing. I don't know what my comfort zone is supposed to look like anymore. I'm sure I'll find it again eventually, but that is a scary feeling. A feeling that makes me look forward to being hugged again, and having at least a little more normalcy and luxury than I have now. But that also makes it scary to step into a new chapter.

As I drove and listened to harmonious, pensive music, the clouds rolled in and it started raining. It didn't stop until about an hour ago. I still couldn't resist getting out of the car to take a photo at one of my trip's very first stops, Pelorus bridge:

I could almost see myself from four months ago right there, hanging out on the rocks and taking pictures. Feeling nervous and excited, the whole trip ahead of me. But also a lot less experienced, a lot more nervous about driving still, and in no way yet used to van life. I may still have so much to learn, but those things I feel like I well and truly have conquered, and I'm pretty proud of that.

I completed the way to Waitohi, recognising some stops along the way where I once stopped and took pictures and hiked. And then I finally made it to my first - and now also last - camping spot. I got myself some food, saw a familiar face (and told him how I remembered him, and he had made me feel welcome on my first day), and ate in Elrond while watching my favourite series. Now I'm just dreading the six minute walk to the closest public toilet, but I'll undertake that journey after finishing up all these posts!

Tomorrow I will take the boat back to Te Ikaroa, and hopefully get some rest. I'm already mentally preparing for the seasickness. I just hope the weather will stay dry now, and I can enjoy the views from the boat like I did last time!

For now, sweet dreams to Aotearoa, good afternoon to Europe. You'll hear from me again soon I hope!

[artikgato]

10/13/2023

So... I've had a

week

But the important part is that I dragged myself out of the house today and went for a jogwalk. Yeah it took me until almost 10am. Yeah it sucked in almost every concievable way because of how many days I've skipped.

I almost feel like the past few days didn't even happen. I know I did things. But like. Last Friday I only got to do half of the jogwalk because it was raining. Last Saturday I skipped because I had a lot to do to prepare for the flea market, which was of course Sunday. Monday I had to skip because I was way too tired. Okay. Reasonable. Monday solo at work was exhausting so it's understandable that I also skipped on Tuesday. I should have gone out on Wednesday, though. And the main reason that I didn't is because I stayed up late playing Silent Hope. I did sort of do a half jogwalk on Wednesday after work! There was a one star raid in the gym so I rushed out there and battled it.

Yesterday I don't think I could have done the jogwalk in the morning since it was a) raining and b) I had to take a friend to the airport. And I went and got groceries and other stuff that I probably didn't need to yesterday. I went out on an ultimately successful quest to find a yellow turtleneck for a last minute cosplay for AWA (which is in less than two weeks AAAAAA). I also spent a liiiiittle more than I should have on a pair of nice green boots. Which means I have to wear them. Eventually. Once it gets cold. For the two and a half weeks it's cold here.

At least I went out today! And hopefully I'll be able to get back in the groove of things. My time was at least decent, and I did catch a whole lot of Smolivs while I was out.

Time to spend the day playing catch up on all the chores I elected to not do on Tuesday. And maybe see if I can figure out which streaming service has the Friday the 13th movies. Since, y'know.

Time: 21:57 Weather: 60, sunny Humidity: 66% Song of the Day: Little Tyrants, Anberlin

[ariannashouldbestudying]

Sunday 23rd October 2022

7 Days of Productivity - 4/7 and 5/7

Yesterday I didn't have the time to post so here's Saturday and Sunday in one go.

Saturday I had a slower day. I woke up quite late being that I was out the night before. And I didn't do anything productive during the morning in preparation to then go babysit for six hours in the afternoon. That meant the day went by without me being able to get any of my uni work done. But it's okay. Some days you have to prioritise resting and working.

Today I spent the morning organising this coming week. It's going to be a tough one between classes, work, essay writing, essay submissions, Spanish mini-exam and hockey training.

I am starting a countdown for my essays today and a word count for both of them as well, so that you can all see if I'm working or not.

I had hockey training in the early afternoon and after a needed shower, I sat down and worked on my Literature essay for about two hours. I tried not to feel the pressure of making everything perfect on the first go and forced myself to write everything that I could think of about the passage that I have to analyse. I'll then edit it and make it more focused once I have enough material to work on.

The evening writing session went really well. I started with already around 700 words on the page made up of notes and bullet points and I managed to get to nearly 1300 by the end of the night cleaning doing also some cleaning and light editing on the way. In doing so I finally found the focus for my essay and what element I want to concentrate on.

I might get some more writing done after I have dinner. But for now, that's it for today's update :)

Literature and Society essay: -4.5 days word count: 1,286/1500 Gender, Sexuality and Culture essay: -4.5 days word count: 0/1000 ( I haven't started it yet)

[journal-69]

6/3/2024

6:22 pm I kinda forgot to do this for a few days, I either spent too long getting up in the morning and forgot or was rushed and didn't make the time to sit down and write. Either way that's okay, it hasn't been a crazy couple of days. On Friday only one friend showed up for Gaga night, and while I was a little disappointed because I got tons of snacks it was still fun. On Saturday I did a gaga dance class with a friend, not Lady Gaga but more shamanic energy release vibes. I was a bit late for the class and it was a veryyyy bizarre thing to walk in on but after I was able to get comfortable it was an amazing class. It was all about free movement and focusing on when and how much you are moving. It was also nonstop so it really got the body working.

After I dropped them off at the train I ran into a boy I'd been trying to plan a date with so we had a spontaneous moment and ended up walking around a lot, we walked all around Soho, the village, and the Lower East side. It was a cute vibe, he was sweet and in the end it was a fun random thing to end up stumbling into. After that, I came home for a bit and relaxed before I went up to help one of the boys I met last week with photos. He then came over, we made out, and he left to go to a friend's party. I spent my evening mending a shirt and after the party he came back over to stay the night. I could tell neither of us were getting much rest. He was fidgeting all night and because he was fidgeting I wasn't sleeping. We fucked a few times through the night but to be honest it was just fine, a little too quick for me to really get into it all.

Sunday I was exhausted and a bit depressed so I spent most of the day in bed. I didnt do too much early in the day but talked to my roomie a bit, which is nice when we actually do, I miss being her friend. In the evening I got anxious so I walked from Williamsburg to Chelsea to my friend's place to be there for a pickup for a pres thing and after that, I headed back home and did some more mending. It was a chill and secluded Sunday which was needed, though I did run into three people I knew while in the East Village on my walk.

Yesterday was definitely more challenging mentally, I think hooking up and not getting any sleep kinda had that effect on me but I really was trying to not let it overtake me.

So finally we get to today. I've been struggling with momentum to get up in the morning again so I was a bit late to get up. I'm gonna try this week again to stick to my alarms and make myself get up. I ended up preparing and pleating the fabric for a skirt I'm working on which took a good few hours, altered a pattern for a new design, and made a list of things I need to get done for my collection. I kinda just snacked on crap all day, I think I am gonna try to find a way to eat less sweets or smn cause I've been craving them a lot. I also want to actually make the move to work out more, with the stuff I have been doing with my friend, yoga and dance, I am def getting somewhere but I think I gotta work on my strength and all that other fitness stuff. I want to feel healthy in my body and see those results. Anywho to round out the night I'm getting din/drinks with my longest friend who I haven't seen in a while which will be a nice moment to connect cause we've both had so many changes!

I think tomorrow I'll be a lil more emotion and less timeline, sometimes you gotta just write down what happens.

[itsayaze]

Day Three - Nakan-oh shit my legs hurt

"Tomorrow will be a chill day"

This is something I've been telling myself every night, and every time it's been a lie. So, we took the Chuo Rapid to Nakano Broadway, which is haven for Mandarake shops. They have specific branches all throughout the mall dedicated to specific things, such as trains, video games, boy's love manga, titties, CDs, etc.

It's also the day where I spent quite a bit of money on a few things. Normally I'm journaling in the morning, but because on the third day of your stay, APA do housekeeping wether you are prepared or not, so I took some time in the morning to clean up after myself a bit to inconvenience the staff less. As today's shenanigans have gone on, memories of yesterdays have become a little more hazy.

The main attraction of the day for me is Namco Nakano Broadway. In there, they have a full-size cabinet of the newest Densha de GO! game. As I've only had the opportunity to play the heavily watered down PS4 version of the game, this was very exciting.

At 300 yen a pop for a 2 station run, it's expensive, but as its a larger cabinet with a whole host of features, I personally think it's worth it.

It has FOUR screens, one of which is a touch screen, as well as a pedal for the horn, and the mascon for power/brake. The touchscreen is used to emulate the point and call system that train drivers in Japan follow to ensure that they make no mistakes. So, for example, if the speed limit was changing for that stretch of track, you'd slide a point on the touch screen, and tap the speedometer to acknowledge the change in speed.

On top of this, there's a bass speaker inside of the seat that I'm pretty sure is tuned to specifically react to the track sounds which makes it pretty damn immersive!

I played on a familiar Yamanote line route to get my bearings with the new controls - I've only played this on PS4 mind - and it went well! I got an S rank on the mission and only messed up a few things such as honking over a bridge. (They don't do this on actual JR trains as far as I'm aware, so I'm unsure as to why this is a gameplay mechanic?)

After this, I wandered around the broadway, poking my nose in all the different Mandarakes. I got a few games, but unfortunately I don't remember what ones. To take a break, we sat in an interesting artsy cafe on the 4th floor. It turns out its directly tied to the artist who was responsible for My Lonesome Cowboy. If you know, you know.

I had a nice melon soda, which had a scoop of vanilla ice-cream shaped like a flour and the juiciest cherry I've ever eaten. With my drink, I also got a special token to play the cocktail arcade cabinet table that you sit at, which was Space Invaders Deluxe.

Once we were done looking around the huge 4F complex, we headed by Shinjuku on the way back to the hotel. There's a Like a Dragon pop-up shop taking place over the course of this week, and I wanted to take a quick peek to see if there was anything left later in the evening. I got a handful of things, but showing it all would be spoilers to the people whomst I've bought gifts for.

Tomorrow morning (JST) I'll do a quick writeup about my proper experience in the pop-up, the results of the final round of the chigyu championship, and government buildings...?

[theretirementstory]

Bonjour et bienvenue. Brrrr it’s a cooler morning this morning 7c and thermometer is not expected to rise above 13c today. To make matters worse my hair is coming out thick and fast again (well I knew it would) so yesterday I donned a turban. Just as well I was only in the house as still having some hair made the turban move around on my head. Now the biggest reason for wanting to cover my head right now is not because of the thin hair that is left, nothing to do with keeping my head warm but more to do with the fact that my hairline is receding and I look remarkably like Kelly Brook with a Tefal head (give it a google).

It has been another busy week, well that’s my life here I guess and I wouldn’t have it any other way. So my normal Monday morning is going to be the cleaner doing her “white tornado” impersonation however I also had Nicolas my jardinier/paysagiste here to trim the hedges and prune the cherry tree. He arrived promptly at 8:30 and by 9 a.m. I wondered why I couldn’t hear the buzz of his hedge cutter. Well I looked outside and (poor lad) had been caught by my neighbour who can talk for France. Thankfully they took the hint and work commenced. All went well until Nicolas started to fill his dustbin with the cuttings and was taking them round to his truck at the front of the house when up popped the neighbour again and proceeded to continue the conversation!! After a short time, I went outside to see for myself and my neighbour gave me a cheery “Bonjour” and a big smile! Now this is where my French really failed me as I wanted to rant “I am paying for his time so can you just “buzz off” and let him get on with his work!” Instead I just said “Bonjour” and turned on my heel, went back inside and slammed the front door. Anyway, the work was completed and I must say that having the Weigela at the front of the house chopped down to just a metre high may not do a lot for the birds who liked to congregate there (and poop all over my gates) but it means that I now have a better view of the colline from my front door.

Monique messaged and asked if I needed anything on Tuesday (no I had just been shopping in the morning) but I did say just come down to see me. Then I remembered that I needed some more bottled water so asked if she could get some on the way. It was almost five o’clock when she arrived, fortunately I had prepared my dinner which I have after taking tablets at 6pm. I must say I was not best pleased at the late hour, she explained that she had seen a man she knew in the supermarket and they had spent time talking (no it wasn’t my neighbour 😂). In the evening I discovered a “fuite” (leak) from somewhere within the central heating boiler, plus the boiler was not igniting when I turned on the kitchen tap, I have to use the tap in the downstairs toilet to ignite it. I rang the plumber and told him so he will pop out on Thursday morning.

Wednesday was a day just for me which was quite wonderful.

Not sure what time the plumber would arrive, I was up before my alarm on Thursday morning, washed, dressed and ready for the day. Just as well I was as my cleaner rang to say she was running late (arrived about 9:30) then, knock me down with a feather, if she didn’t start pulling the tv unit, hi-fi unit, sofas etc out so she could vacuum and wash the floor. She only did that a week ago and considering they hadn’t been moved for sometime at that point there wasn’t a lot of dust behind/under. Then she was on the steps cleaning the top of the dresser again! Holy smoke it hadn’t been rubbed down for longer than I care to remember when she did it last week. She mentioned washing the windows again and I said no, once a month would do! Oh she was doing my head in (I am going to have to take myself outside or upstairs when she comes on a Thursday) then the plumber turned up as she was preparing to clean the kitchen. She was under my feet as I tried to explain to him the problems, she didn’t want to leave, in the end I was almost pushing her out of the door! Anyway the upshot with the plumber was that he fixed the leak and will return on Tuesday (with his special equipment 😉) to service the boiler. I really hope he gets it sorted then as I am sick of low pressure on taps and cold water. Fortunately the heating hasn’t needed to be clicked on as I dread to think what that will do to the boiler!

On Friday morning I thought I would venture out to buy some wool. I want to knit some baby blankets to sell on the stall for funds for the knitting group. Well not content with one lot of wool I bought four lots! I sent a photo to the group of me knitting in my armchair and said I was making a baby blanket. If I want it on the stall for the Xmas market it needs to be ready by 24 November (no pressure there then).

“The Daddy” has been busy with elderly relatives this week. His photography has been put on the back burner but hopefully by the end of the month he will be back to enjoying his latest hobby.

“The Trainee Solicitor” had a bit of a nightmare the other night which saw him and “The Ex-Graduate” up and removing unwanted stuff from his home. He is panicking about having his second bedroom ready for me to visit next year, still plenty of time I told him but he really wants it all costed up and then the work done.

Saturday I devoted to my knitting, well removing what I had done on Friday as the pattern was just a bit too complicated and I kept making errors, I am doing a design slightly less complicated but which looks just as effective.

Now to the music part of the blog, the first song takes me back to March 1972, my school friend (at the time) came into school and started to cry, her Mum wasn’t well that morning and she felt something terrible was about to happen, around break time she saw her Uncle walking up the path to the school entrance she screamed at me that her Mum must have died and she tried to get away from the truth by wanting to hide from her uncle! I said she had to see him, to hear the truth, which was exactly as she had feared. My friends birthday is March 4 and that was the day of her Mum’s funeral, my friend was just 15 that day. Anyway, the song that takes me back to that time is Mother and Child Reunion by Paul Simon.

This second song takes me back to April of the same year, 1972. I love this song even now, it brings back so many memories of a teenage girl’s dreams for the life ahead of her. The song is “Run, Run,Run by Jo Jo Gunne.

Pauline has been in touch from Ireland. She doesn’t know what to do with her life, should she stay in Ireland (where it’s cold and wet) or try for an internship in Spain or Italy. She has taught herself Spanish and has many friends from South America who speak Spanish so she uses the language. Or should she return to Paris and try for a job for the Olympics. She speaks to me as if I am her age, whereas I am older than her mother! What can I say, I think Spain or Italy would be best as it would enable her to obtain her Masters Degree, but as she said her job at the moment pays ok, is convenient and she has friends of different nationalities, it’s just the weather and her lost love that make staying in Ireland more difficult. Gosh I am pleased I am not that age again otherwise my hair could be falling out for another reason!

Anie has had bronchitis so she messaged rather than visited. Maud is going to come and see me today, I haven got dinner sorted in case I am pushing her out of the door too.

So I will bid you all a bonne journée, see you next time!

[lowryinbohemia]

Holašovice / Trebon / Slavonice

Sorry this post is a day late, but the day got away from me yesterday and I was too tired to write, but I also wanted to give updates on our adventures yesterday and today.

Yesterday we said farewell to the picturesque Cesky Krumlov & made our way to the small village of Holašovice, which has been deemed a UNESCO heritage site due to its unique architecture of connected large homes. We also got to visit a small pottery studio in the village with a lovely cat guarding all the creations.

We then made our way to the city of Trebon, known for its ponds & famous for its carp. We had lunch in a small resturant that was once the jail cell for Edward Kelly (the alchemist con man who fooled the nobility for many years before his con was discovered and then he died from a broken leg infection trying to escape prison). The carp was actually quite delicious, and we also got to try burčák, which is Czech for “early wine”, as it is the beginning fermentation of the grapes harvested in the autumn months, before it is bottled and turned into white wine. It tasted a bit like the mix between apple cider & a Riesling, and was very delicious. We did a quick walk through the Trebon castle grounds and got to see the “goat moat”; the moat area that is now inhabited by goats but has also been inhabited by bears and other creatures. This seems to be a theme in Czechia; filling moats with animals versus water.

We then made our way to Slavonice, past some large fields of sunflowers. In Slavonice, we once again saw examples of the Scrafito style of designs on the buildings, this building more elaborate due to being owned by a Italian family. Inside this building we got to see something may others do not get to see; the Apocalypse House. The inside of the upper floor of the building used to be a religious gathering room for Protestants during the Catholic rule, and the walls contain frescos from 1568 depicting stories from the Book of Revelation. It is a hidden gem of the area that not many people even know exist, and we got to see the frescos up close and observe some of the unique depictions of the time of both the Devil, the angels and archangels, and the City of Babylon. It was utterly fascinating.

Dinner was a delicious meal of roasted lamb with wheat grouts with bear garlic. The old mill next door had a small “zoo” of sorts for the area, with emus, some pigs, donkeys & geese. We also got to have a glass of local wine which though a bit dry for my taste, but still delicious.

Today, we got to experience something truly magical when we spent the morning & part of the afternoon at a goat farm, owned by the lovely Hanna & her friend Susanna. As someone who loved going to the horse farm as a child & also a lover of the farm atmosphere in general, this was truly awesome for me. The farm also has three working herding dogs who were got to see in action with herding the goats in and out of the barn. Myself I was able to help shovel the hay to feed the goats and then even got a chance to milk a goat (another thing crossed off my life list!). We learned about how Hanna’s family lost and then regained the farm, and also the work that has gone into making the farm a fully working and profitable farm. We also got a tour of a saw mill on the property that has been able to be restored due to a grant from the Henry Ford Foundation. I was able to get video of the mill in action; it was so cool to see it working because some of my favorite historical fictional novels describe the workings of such a mill but it is even cooler to see in person. We then split into groups for anyone to help make the lunch for the day, so I got to help building the fire to roast the sausages and brie, while Mom & Pat helped in the kitchen with the salad making. Johanka taught me about the special way Czechs prepare their sausages for roasting, making slits at the ends to when the ends are cooking they curl up like octopus legs. I personally thought that is super fun.

I got the chance to speak with Susanna off and on during the trip as I found out that outside of helping out on the farm, she works as an elementary school teacher. She and I talked about some of the difficulties of working with the younger generation and also some of the issues we run into working alongside parents who either are unengaged or don’t want to make changes for the sake of their children. It was interesting to see how even a world apart, those of us who work to try and help the younger generation are sharing the same problems. It was also nice to talk to someone who understands how tough yet rewarding this job can be.

After the wonderful day at the goat farm, Mom & I and our new friend Steve headed back to the hotel while the others went on to tour a local bunker from the 1960s era, as the three of us were all in a need of short snooze/siesta. A nice siesta later and we all met downstairs to tour the wine cellar in the bottom of the hotel. The hotel has a cave that is thought to be created back in the 1200s as a place to store wine and food, due to its cold & dark climate, and now houses the hotel’s collection of 3,000 different bottles of wine. We got to try some delicious white wines including a Riesling from 1997 that was beyond delightful. When then all made our way up to the hotel restaurant, where we were treated to another couple of glasses of delicious wine from the hotel collection, as well as being serenaded by the Slavonice Band. These two gentlemen entertained us not just with tradition Czech & Hungarian songs, but even some blues & folk, including a rousing sing-along of “Take Me Home, Country Roads.” If you told me a year ago I would be singing that song with a Czech folk rock band in a wine restaurant in a small village in Southern Bohemia, Czechia, I would look at you like you were absolutely bonkers. But I can now add that to my list of incredible stories to share from this trip.

Tomorrow we officially depart from Czech Republic & we make our way to Bratislava, Slovakia 🇸🇰

Until then my dear readers, I bid you all farewell.

Lowrs💜

[stormboundscholar]

Slowly and steadily

Day 3/100 of Productivity

Hello everyone, welcome back to my blog.

It was a slightly cool morning day when I woke up today. It was 8 o clock when my alarm went off, but my bed felt so comfortable that I didn't want to get out of bed. I wasn't even completely awake yet, so I just went back to sleep.

I managed to get back up at around 9 o clock. As I was sleeping with a blanket and it was warmer than I expected it to be, I went straight to the shower. The summer heat hasn't worn off yet so I took a cool shower to freshen up. While I was in the bathroom I also took the time to look after myself a little, even though its vacation time for me I thought it could be nice to look decent. I brushed my hair, got into some nice clothes... Even though I sometimes have self esteem issues I remembered that I can be my best self with just a little bit of effort! (I really did like what I saw in the mirror and that was nice!)

I managed to start studying a bit later than usual because of that though. To be more precise, I started studying at 10 am. I liked studying a new topic from physics yesterday so I thought that I could study some chemistry today. I had high hopes for today, 12 hours should have been way more than enough to study some organic chemistry. Turns out, I was wrong. The topic was far longer than I was prepared for. This caused me to spend more time with my resources instead of practicing what I learned. I managed to learn a lot, but sadly I couldn't progress too far with my assignments today.

It was still nice though. There's a novelty in learning something from scratch, which honestly helps me a lot more with motivation when homework starts to become repetitive and feel like I am learning nothing. Besides, I will probably get to use organic chemistry at the college level if I achieve my goals at the entrance exams! It could be nice if what I learn today gives me a leg up in the future.

Overall, I managed to study my goal of 12 hours today. Roughly half of those were spent reviewing the topics and the other half was practices. I think that I was productive today, even though I didn't progress too much I managed to tread some new ground which was nice.

That's all for today. Good night everyone, and good luck!

[monika-apexart]

Monika Rycerz in NYC, Day 28

Thursday, August 3rd

I write this with a one day delay. I simply had no energy to write yesterday. Although I’m feeling better, I’m still ill and my energy is very low. The tiredness overtakes.

It’s mad to think that it has been almost four weeks since I’ve arrived. Few days of the fellowship left and one week until I leave the city. In the morning I had my exit interview with Steven. I wanted to be more prepared, go through my schedule and maybe read through the journal to remember what I’ve done. There have been so many things that sometimes I forget what I’ve been up to from one day to the next. Anyway, I’ve done none of that prep. All my energy in the morning was dedicated to convincing myself that I feel well enough to get on with the day. It felt strange at the end to say ���goodbye’, but not in a sad way.

After that I went to the Sustainable Fashion Community Project in East Harlem. I was really excited for it, and had some wild expectations that I would learn something exciting about sustainable fashion, perhaps how they mend or upcycle clothing and educate people about ‘throw away’ fashion. This was the backstory I invented. In the end all it was was a community ‘shop’ where people could donate their unwanted clothing and then things were sold for $1. Similar to charity shops in the UK, but with a slightly different model and cheaper. I spent the afternoon sorting through clothes and arranging items on the rails in the shop area. No new takeaways for me there.

I was also very excited for my evening, which was Introduction to Diamond Buddhism. Again I made up a story about this. I thought it would be a room packed with people, where perhaps a buddhist monk will give a talk and we’ll do some meditation. When I arrived I entered a small room, where there were about 8 people in total. I struggled to focus, I was feeling unwell and had one of those very tickly coughs. I was uncomfortable, couldn’t fully engage. Luckily the whole thing was just over one hour long so I managed to stay till the end and then gladly went back home. I would have loved to stay to chat to people, share a cup of tea, but my body wanted something else.

Maybe I should have stayed in today, not attended the activities, but then I would have had this massive regret hanging over me. I would have regretted not taking part in all these imagined events. At least I got to experience what they were for real.

[keefwho]

May 20 - 2023

8:14 AM

I haven’t been writing here because I haven’t felt the need. I got tired of re-hashing the same thoughts and feelings over and over. Instead of writing about the same thing again, I chose not to write at all and act on things instead. Sometimes I feel talking about what I’m going to do about certain things stop me from actually doing what I said. I do regret not writing about how my days went, that will always be new and relevant. I will try harder with that in the future. 

I guess I can write about yesterday for now. I took yesterday off so I could take a gummy 2 days before, which went well. In the morning I woke up with the intent to play Zelda which I did for a little bit but then I wanted to finish a drawing that was almost done. Then I did a little more Zelda and took my shower. In the middle of cooking lunch my power went out for about 30 minutes. Luckily I did not get very scared, I was proud to see how prepared I was for it. It feels like I’ve mostly dismantled the kinds of thought processes that would result in extreme anxiety in a situation like that. I just didn’t feel the need to worry, I wasn’t getting stuck in my own head about it. It came back on quickly and I did some more drawing so I could finish a second picture. I had drawn TWO naughty pics of me and the bestie, partly because they were both so close to being finished already. I always worry how sexual I can make myself seem even though drawings like that are often not horny-driven or anything like that. I think it is known that I am not going degen mode just because I do a drawing or two for future reference. After that drawing, it was TOTK with Daisy all evening. We did a TON. We knocked out all the geoglyph locations and a little bit of shrine/tower hunting. Got to bed a little late but it wasn’t too bad. Definitely worth the time spent with my friend. 

I tend to try not to name drop here but I want to get over that. I guess I limited myself because it is a public journal and it felt appropriate to make everything anonymous but I can’t think of a good reason why it’s actually a good idea. It’s not like I’m shit talking people either, I wouldn’t write anything here about someone that I wouldn’t say directly to them. From now on I’d rather let my connections shine through as an obvious part of my life because they are. 

12:12 AM

Today was pretty good. I remember waking up and playing Zelda, it was a chill morning. I also worked on an avatar and ended up finishing the whole thing today despite feeling like I wasn’t in the right mindset for it. I got sidetracked a lot. Then there was more Zelda and afterwards a lackluster nut in the shower but boy did my body need it. I hung out in my new friend’s discord server for a little bit. This evening was a lot of drinking and a happy little VRchat crossover episode with world hopping. I remember midday I felt pretty lonely, about the time I had been streaming Spyro. But that was all me and I knew it. It was the kind of “I have people to hang out with but I’m still lonely” kind of thing. I got over it after getting in VR. Now I’m getting to be a tiny bit late which is impressive on a drinking night like tonight. I have both my forks dirty but they need to soak so I can’t wash them until morning, and also have nothing to soak them in. I’m feeling really mushy and as much as I like to use words to get that out, I prefer to channel everything I’m feeling into projects. Projects I wish I could talk about but I know it would be best to just do them. So I will. 

I feel like a plane that was stalling but is finally getting back under control. In a grand way. 

[the-remarkable-mrs-smith]

Why do I feel like the a-hole?

Broke up with boyfriend back in September, TRIED to reconcile with him in October. Unsuccessful because I couldn’t go along with his plan of yelling at me and him deciding that he didn’t have to listen to anything that I said.

Okay. It sucked. While things weren’t great, I loved him PLUS I think we were very codependent and that works for me on a lot of levels.

He was my person. I was his. But we had to part.

UNTIL RECENTLY… I reached out to him on a whim. He’s a mess. Unemployed. Broke. He got a sub while we were broken up, admitted he loved her one day, yesterday he discovered that she had taken photographs of all his credit card info and racked up $5000 worth of debt. Her reaction to him calling the police on her for trying to extort him for money.

He’s also been diagnosed with emphysema and is dying.

Even with ALL the bs going on in his life, I was going to be there for him. Last Thursday he told me he didn’t didn’t have the same feelings for me and wasn’t attracted to me. I was devastated. By Saturday he invited me over and had lots of sex with me.

Last night, we met. He had spent all day dealing with the credit card fraud that his 6’5”, bipolar sub committed. I met him and bought him pizza and beer. I was consoling him. We were having a nice time. He looked beat, but I loved seeing him. My person.

But then, he turned. He remembered how I had caused him a past hurt, accused me of something I didn’t do, and in front of the waitress who was looking embarrassed for me, started yelling at me. I asked for the check. Double the amount I had planned on spending. He stormed out.

Grabbing the rest of my pizza, which will be my lunch today, I walked out. In the dark of the parking lot, he was waiting for me.

“I thought you’d follow me out.”

“I had to pay the bill.”

“I swear to christ, I am sorry.”

Me- nothing. He kept yelling at me apologies, I don’t know what, but he was begging for me to engage with him. And me- still nothing.

I walked home. Calling one of my guy friends and vented on the way. Finished text arguing with exbf. Texting the ONLY way to get a word in with him because he never wants to listen to me when he’s upset.

Exbf finally texted-

“leave me alone and go life your life you deserve better”

So I left it at that. Climbed into bed and fell asleep at 9 pm.

This morning, I feel conflicted. I know he’s hurting. He’s ill in every way. It’s so hard for me to let him be. I love him. It doesn’t make sense. He’s all alone here. We are each others persons, but he has issues.

I do too, but while we were broken up, I’ve been seeing a therapist.

I was preparing myself to take care of him until he passed, but… the drama… the yelling… the getting shut down because he won’t or can’t hear what I have to say. He’s so fragile right now.

I feel bad for him. He’s a mess. I don’t want to abandon him, but I can’t do the drama. And in such a short time, I can see that I was falling into the same behavior patterns with him… putting aside the things I enjoy… getting high with him (which is something I stopped doing as much once we broke up.)

It conflicting.

Does it seem weird that is conflicting?

Probably not… emotionally unstable dad who was the provider, emotionally unengaged mother who just ignored his outburst and would patch the holes he had punched in the wall, and then would go about her business… cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning house. Our normal.

Can I walk away from the man I love in his time of need?

It’s raining. The cat is on my lap. I have a few sips of cold coffee left. I wrote this because I didn’t want to forget this moment. It seems important. Plus, I wanted to update Mr. Ewing, and it was too much to write via messages.

Why do I feel so guilty when I know this was the right thing to do for me?

[perksofbeingamaineiac]

November 23, 2022

Where do I start. 

I am waking up this morning for the first time, in a long time, feeling alone. Everyday has been easier to get out of bed, because I had so much to look forward to. One of those reasons being this person, who walked into my life and was everything that I have ever wanted in a partner. They have come to the realization that they don’t really feel the same way. This is the first person to ever tell me that they know exactly how I feel and that they can see all that I do for them because I care. We had so many plans together, maybe I just did in my head. He said it has been a month and a half of feeling like this. He was visibly vey sad, and I don’t understand how you can not want to be with someone you obviously care that much for. Maybe there is more he isn’t telling me, the two things he said that gave him doubts were my family and how they are. It is a different dynamic, but at the end of the day I don’t want to be my family when I have my on. No ones family is perfect though, I was willing to stand in the fire with him, make sure he felt loved and had his own family one day. Why can’t he do the same for me? It isn’t like my family treats him badly, my sister actually really looked up to him. The other was me not living on my own, which is silly because I wanted to move in with him, sooner rather than later. He has spent time with me alone in my own space. I can’t fault him for what he feels, it was just something I don’t understand. I could move out and be broke and live paycheque to paycheque and neither of us would be happy. 

In the past I could tell myself I would find better, someone who treats me better and loves me. This time I am scared that I won’t find someone better, because he was absolutely everything I wanted and needed. 

Patient, kind, forgiving, funny, passionate about the things he did, ambitious to do more, creative, liked the same music as me and reintroduced me to a world that I had put aside for so long, calming,  gracious, fuck he is also so sexy. There is also more, but I was so sure. Whats wrong with me that I always like people who don’t like me? What am I missing? I can tell myself I will be more than enough for someone one day, but it is really hard to see anyone else by my side. 

He said he needed space to figure out how he feels. I wasn’t going to say no. I want him to be happy. I want to be happy too. I can’t wait around for him. I don’t know how long it is going to take him to find the answer he needs, but I know it wont be overnight, I want to message him so badly and tell him that this is absolute torture and I miss him already. I can’t...I had to redefine the love I knew to realize I loved him. I hope that he can do the same. I don’t think space ever ends well though. You learn to live without that person. You stop building a foundation. 

I think he knows what he wants, and that scares me. I know I felt that love stronger than I ever had when he hugged me goodbye yesterday. He couldn’t even watch me leave. 

I can’t let my brain get wrapped up in it. I tried asking all the questions I could, but I wish I could see exactly what he was thinking. 

I wish I didn’t fall for someone who didn’t fall for me. Again. 

I do want to mention I have had y doubts too, but I always assumed we would just figure it out. I have to let him come to me now. I have to be prepared for the absolute worst.  I cannot give myself hope.