#also this is not saying moody and anger ???% is bad in anyway

[ygodmyy20]

Day 6: one/plural/??? for mobweek2024

World needs more ???% joy. I knew I had to do something joyful for this prompt as I kept defaulting to my normal dark, moody, confession arc ???%. Let's be joyful.

Shigeo embracing his BIG emotions post canon (all of them, anger, joy, resentment, passion, fear, jealousy, etc etc etc) bring me the biggest happiness. Post-canon he embraces his whole self, which to me, means he can enter ???% when his emotions are VERY big. A graduation, wedding, just spending time with his family. ???% is not inherently scary. It's as part of Shigeo as every other part of him.

Happy ???% gives me life

[bagopucks]

T. Zegras - It’s An Off Day

✄————————————

Trevor Zegras x Reader

Requested✨

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: Itsy bitsy fighting, jokes and implication of sex

I rewatched the Sandbaggers video today with Zig and Coley, and I swear it kills me every time. Biz is a national treasure. Nothing beats his missed swing in the vid with Sid and Nate tho. Quinn Hughes request is getting posted tomorrow too!

—————————————

Everybody talks about the female menstrual cycle. Everybody knows it’s not always the most delectable, and how the hormones affect your mood and body in many ways.

Nobody discusses the male hormonal cycle though. The twenty four hour rise and fall of testosterone, that can dictate how a man handles their day. For most guys, it’s not really an issue. It’s nothing compared to a woman’s monthly schedule, but that isn’t to say things don’t go off track every once in a while.

The Ducks have hit a losing streak. I’ve seen it before, it’s not the first one, but this one seems to bother Trevor the most. I can’t tell why, I just know it has. He stresses a lot when he’s in these bad times, and that stress has always messed with his head, but now it seems he’s all over the place. He’s skipped out on workouts scheduled, slept in more, and his appetite is barely existent. When he does eat, it’s a shit ton, but it’s usually only once a day. His body going from a strict routine to an absolute mess has taken a toll, but it’s also made those hormonal cycles incredibly out of tune. It makes him irritable in the mornings if I text him too early, and careless in the evenings if something gets too difficult to do.

And the worst part is that he’s not the only one in the midst of a ‘cycle.’ We’re both moody, and we’re both out of tune. It’s hard for him to say something I don’t get mad at, and even harder for me to not yell at him when he’s being difficult. I knew the rubber band was going to snap, I just didn’t think it would be so soon.

It’s the middle of the day when Trevor shows up at my place. I’d asked him to come over for a bit, hopeful that we could try and work in a night of relaxation, but the lack of communication of our own issues was making it extremely hard.

“Hey, babe.” He sounded so exhausted when he stepped through the front door. I don’t know why it made me so angry.

“You didn’t have to show up if you didn’t want to.” I called from the dining room table, assuming he’d come and find me. My face was down in a computer screen anyway, working on a college essay.

“Who told you I didn’t want to come?” His tone is defensive. I couldn’t blame him. We’re both going through our own things. But in the moment? In the moment it pisses me off that he doesn’t hear how he sounds.

“Trevor you sound like I’ve been hounding you all day to be here. I only asked you once.” I snapped right back, finally hearing the sound of shoes being kicked off and the front door being harshly shut.

“You asked me once and I came. Why would I not want to be here? I’ll tell you what makes me want to leave,” Trevor stomped right into the dining room. He stopped in the doorway. “That attitude right there.” He pointed at me, and god if he didn’t sound like a chastising mother in that moment.

“God- Trevor!” The exhaustion laced in my own tone outweighed the anger. I dropped my head into my hands before lifting it to look at him. I stopped. He looked about as shitty as I did.

His hair was a mess, and he had bags under his eyes. I noticed a red spot on his cheek I knew would turn into a pimple soon, but I had a few on my forehead anyway. It seemed Trevor noticed my own state as well. We were both wearing sweats and t-shirts. I had on one of his Ducks shirts, and he wore a plain black one. We both looked like we needed to be baptized in sleep and energy drinks.

My expression softened. Silence overtook the room. I sighed. “Off day?” My question caught Trevor off guard, but the tension seemed to melt away from his body in an instant. We weren’t fighting, we just weren’t communicating.

“Yeah,” he nodded, his gaze falling to the floor. I shut my laptop and slowly got up, crossing the room to meet him in the doorway.

“Me too.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and Trevor snaked his own around my hips.

“We’re both having shitty days.” Trevor managed a somber smile. “Imagine that.”

“How about a bath? Then maybe some face masks?” I reached up to smooth my finger over the red bump on his cheek, causing him to pull his head back and mumble an ‘ow.’ Sure, the skin could be sore when a pimple was first forming, but not /that/ bad.

“Don’t be a baby.” The irritation was evident in my tone. Trevor smiled again.

“I love it when you’re moody.” A minute ago, I could have sworn he did not love it. “Here.. let me carry you.” I didn’t bother to argue, instead I jumped when he asked me to, and allowed him to carry me bridal-like down the hall to my bedroom and into the bathroom.

“Trevor your hand is digging into my side,” I complained softly before he put me down.

“Chill out.. I just didn’t want to drop you.” He turned away to grab towels before he could see the daggers I was glaring in his direction.

I gently pushed him out of the way to grab my own towel, shaking my head at his behavior.

“Alrighty then..” Trevor muttered, pulling his shirt off and tossing it onto the floor.

“You know where the hamper is.”

“Goddamn. I’ll pick it up after.” He was tense again, I could tell.

“No, Trevor. Pick it up now. You always say after and then you forget.” I turned to look at him, tossing the towel I had down on the counter.

“Well I won’t forget this time!” He raised his voice slightly, defensive once again.

“Yes you will! Just like Jamie gets on you about leaving your car keys everywhere!” I matched his tone, resting one of my hands on the counter to lean on it.

“That’s different!”

“Alright, then what about the towels? And bowls right beside the kitchen sink? What about all the times you pull my books off my shelves and never put them back? Is all that different too?” I snapped, awaiting a good excuse that I had yet to hear.

Usually I wasn’t this hard on Trevor. I didn’t know what all went on in his mind, but he did try his best not to leave things around. He’d improved since we first met, but sometimes things simply distracted him, and he always apologized and felt sorry when I pointed it out to him.

Trevor wasn’t having it this time though. This was a fight now.

“You’re so bitchy!” He leaned over to grab his shirt, storming out of the bathroom after and pulling it back on.

“Yeah? I’m not the one throwing a tantrum right now, Zegras!” He paused to turn and look at me, uncertain of the implications behind his last name. His brow was furrowed, silently asking where I got the audacity.

“You don’t even listen. Forget this.” I followed him all the way back down the hall and to the front door. I watched as he put his shoes on, an overwhelming sadness eating away at my heart.

Trevor turned to look at me, hopeful to get one last dig in. He stopped when he noticed the tears in my eyes.

“Just fucking leave, Trevor.”

I didn’t want him around any more. It was clear we couldn’t coexist when we both had our own issues going on. He looked defeated, and even guilty, but he left nonetheless.

I retreated back to my bedroom after, crying silently all while telling myself it was my fault, and angrily blaming him. I drove him away, but he put the nails in his own coffin. Who knew when he’d text or call, or ask to see me again. He may never. I didn’t expect him to return at any point that day. And I certainly didn’t expect it to be within a few hours.

By the time the sun began to set, the tears had slowed, and I was able to make myself dinner. I sat on the couch, my laptop on the coffee table with a plate full of dumplings in my lap. Scream was playing on the tv, somehow ironically managing to calm me. I heard a soft knock on the door, but I was hopeful whoever was there would leave. My hopes however, were unfulfilled. I heard the lock jingle before the door opened. I looked up to see Trevor standing there, two grocery bags in hand and an innocent look on his face as he froze.

We stared at each other for a moment, uncertain of the other’s feelings, before he finished walking inside and shut the door.

“You just keep doing your thing. I won’t bother you.” Trevor spoke. It was all I needed to go back to my laptop and my work. Trevor ventured off into my dining room, and I heard him settle at the table before silence filled my apartment again.

Five minutes passed before I heard a clicking noise. I paid no mind. I spotted Trevor in the corner of my eye, entering the room at a slow pace. A sneaky pace. It pissed me off just knowing he was up to something.

He sat in the arm chair across the room by the window, dropping a stack of paper on the floor and two pens, as well as the grocery bag. I was still unaware of what was in it. He pulled his phone out, and eventually I stopped paying any attention to him. I just got through the end of a paragraph on my essay, moving my plate to the coffee table when I heard a pop. Then I felt something hit me in the chest and land in my lap.

My brow pulled together in confusion as I looked down to see a little blue dart with an orange tip. Oh my god I’m gonna kill him

“Trevor.” I looked up at him, brow furrowed. He gestured toward the dart. I looked back down, rolling it in my hand to see a white piece of paper taped to it. I looked back up for a moment, questioning his antics, then I made quick work of peeling the tape and paper off the dart.

I flipped the paper over, noticing Trevor’s handwriting immediately.

I’m really sorry about today

My heart fluttered, I heard the rustle of the grocery bag, and when I looked up, Trevor presented me with a second gun, and a few darts of my own. We met in the middle of the floor to make the exchange before retreating to our opposite ‘trenches’. He even provided me with a few pieces of paper and the tape to make my own message.

I jotted one down quickly, taped it to my own dart, and loaded my gun before firing. Reluctant smiles painted both our lips as Trevor grabbed the dart. He paused for a moment, turning to glare up at me when he noticed the copious amount of tape I used. He wasn’t going to be forgiven without a little hassle.

Once he got the note off, and all the tape off his fingers, I watched his expression contort from frustration to relief.

That’s okay. I shouldn’t have been so mean either

Trevor got a piece of paper to write another note, and I tossed the tape over to him. He seemed to be wrapped up in a long message, and I smirked when an idea came to mind. I loaded a blank dart into my gun and aimed, firing and trying to hide my snickers when the foam bullet popped him right in the forehead.

Trevor immediately looked up at me, laughing out a soft, “hey!” Seeing him smile again made me sigh. We’d be okay.

“Took too long,” I responded sheepishly, setting my gun down on the couch. “I want you to talk to me, Trev. Come over here.” He set his own gun down, quickly coming to my side and sitting on the couch next to me.

“What were you busy writing over there?”

“I uhm..” he paused, leaning back against the couch. “That I love you.. and I don’t want you to be mad at me for the way I treated you. I know it was shitty, but there’s a lot going on right now and.. I guess I just forgot to leave the anger at work.” He sounded so disappointed in himself. I reached out to grab his hand.

“It’s okay, Trevor. Really. I didn’t mean to get so short with you today either. Just seems like we’re both having our own issues right now. But we should be each other’s lifelines, yeah? We can’t go taking everything out on one another.” Trevor nodded in agreement, looking up to meet my eyes. “I love you too.. I know things have been hard. Just please talk to me when you’re frustrated, okay?”

“I will.” I reached up to brush a few of his Sandy locks out of his face. “But you have to talk to me too,” he added, wanting me to know he was always there as well.

“You never really gave me a chance today.” I responded, watching the guilt return to his features as he swallowed thickly. “It’s okay,” I assured. “I don’t think I gave you much of a chance either.” I squeezed Trevor’s hand.

“Okay.. so.. so tell me what’s wrong.”

“School. I’m behind on this essay. My period just started.. and my boyfriend’s moody.” I made sure to tease, hoping to lighten the mood as a shy smile overtook my face. Trevor scoffed, but I could tell it wasn’t a mean one.

“Your turn.”

“Alright… well.. the Ducks suck,” always one to tell it like it is. “I feel like I can’t feel a single emotion for more than two seconds.. and my girlfriend’s on her period,” he paused, leaning forward with a cheeky smile. “And I’ve done nothing to help her all day.” I knew he was only trying to flatter me, but it worked. He pressed his lips to mine for a moment before pulling back.

I rested my hands on Trevor’s shoulders and leaned back onto the couch, our smiles widening as he climbed on top of me.

“We’re just a couple of moody adults then, aren’t we?” I teased, humming as Trevor reconnected our lips.

“Can we be horny adults too?” He asked as he pulled back, causing me to swat his shoulder with a laugh.

“That was cycle day one, bud. I’m afraid you missed it.”

“Aw, damn.. really?” Trevor sounded as bummed as I would have expected him to be. It made me laugh. “Can you reschedule? Talk to your body and let it know I’ll be back to try again tomorrow.”

I laughed once again, squeezing Trevor’s shoulders and shaking my head.

“That’s not how it works, hun.” I let him down easy, giggling at his playful frustration.

“Alright, well when’s the next one?”

“If it stays on schedule, you’ll be on the road for the next one.” I tried to hold in my laughter, knowing he wouldn’t be too thrilled about it.

“Seriously?” His voice raised, and I snickered. “I mean- a guy can’t even catch a break! You think you’ll be in the mood sometime in between?”

“Trevor,” I laughed at the way he spoke about it, so formal. “I’ll know when I know.”

“Nope. I have to know three to four business days in advance. Does anything speed up the process of getting you excited?” He was asking as if we haven’t done it a million times before.

“Shut up, Trevor.” I moved a hand from his shoulder to gently push his head. He laughed, that breathy awkward laugh that always made me smile. Trevor leaned in for another kiss, this one a bit more passionate than the first. He nipped at my bottom lip before I gently pressed a hand to his cheek, pushing his head back.

“I can do one minute in advance…”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[hopeforkitten]

thanks to my head, which thought what if the devils were molting. (if we consider the skin of the cambions, then they have scales)

• you lived in the house of hope for a long time and seemed to know all its features. although, you probably should never say that you know everything about devils.

you returned from the balcony in the archive and did not expect to see an incubus here. Haarlep was sitting with his legs over the armrest and reading a book with an extremely bored look, flipping through the pages with one claw. how could this personification of feline nature leave the cozy bed of the boudoir? And why?

"Oh, Haarlep, why are you here?"

"Hello little mouse! Well, I'm obviously not here of my own free will." he was very inspired by your voice. "Perhaps you will find the answer to this question in my former place of residence." his eyes took on their usual cunning gleam, causing you to distrust.

"And what am I going to find there?..."

"Oh, you haven't seen him in his period yet" he let go of the book and made a gesture of quotation marks "Go, go, I'm impatient to find out how everything will go" he waved his hand towards the doors and you headed the same way.

Along the way, you wondered what could be the reason for Raphael's unexpected mood. Anyway, you haven't done anything wrong, so why should you be afraid of his anger, right?

The boudoir barrier let you through, and from afar you saw Raphael sitting with his back to you and fidgeting erratically. His housecoat was held on his hips by a belt, and his upper body was naked. He diligently moved his wings, even tried to scratch their hard edge against the horns, as well as scratch his shoulders with his hands and tried unsuccessfully to reach the base of the wings.

"maybe I can help?"

You said hesitantly. Raphael didn't even notice how you walked from the entrance to the edge of the bed. He looked at you briefly with displeasure.

"and this is you. go ahead and try it."

He turned back and waited for your actions. you swallowed and hesitantly stroked the base of your wings.

"No mouse, use your claws," Raphael barked back at you.

you started scratching the shoulder blade of the wings with your short nails and it did real magic to him. He let out a sigh of relief and tilted his head back a little. such a reaction was more than enough to make you do it for hours.

• This was just the beginning of Raphael's molt. the symptoms are a bad mood and scabies. while the various stages of his molting were going on, he always lingered on the first one - denial. He hated this time. Raphael was too sensitive and imperfect during this period. Everything should always be perfect in it, both appearance and endurance. But this rare period spoils all his plans.

during the molt, he canceled all his business and did not leave the house of hope. without you, he used to wait it out alone in the boudoir, moving around in short forays from there. it is better not to catch his eye at this moment.

However, with you.... he won't say it, but molting with you has become a pleasant vacation. To you, he grumbles nonstop, like a very big moody child. but your presence changed everything... you scratch his back and wings, smear him with moisturizer, (gently stroke his shiny new scales and admire his beauty? yes, please) sit by the pool while he soaks and only his head sticks out of the water.

you will timidly help him with the removal of dead skin, asking if it hurts him. (imagine how much work his wings need)

• You also became the devil's personal pillow during this period. He just won't let you go a step away from him, with the rare exception when you need to leave the boudoir and bring him something. it's better not to linger chatting with Haarlep, it can cost you dearly.

since his diabolical work was suspended, he switched from contracts to fiction and read it in tandem with you.

He was going into cat mode. Today, practically the archdevil wants to spend the day in bed, and you pathetic little man will be my pillow and a scratcher and bring me a book or soothing tea and I'll eat your soul if you disobey, yes.

• Raphael is horrified to realize that he has been scratching the skin surrounding the horns several times a day. this means that after the back and wings, the skin on the face will be renewed... Oh, how he doesn't like it. the mouse does not stare at him, you are on thin ice and now he will obviously spend more time using you as a pillow so that you cannot stare at him

• it will be strange when this ends and the former strict and perfect Raphael returns to you, and he will never bring up this topic. however, before the next molt, he will send you an order to come to the boudoir and it's good that you already know how to help him.

[finniestoncrane]

Yanno what id love to ask this purely for self indulgent reasons. What do you think of arkham eddie with an SO who's also autistic since we all are pretty damn sure he is? Like does the connection between them happen faster due to similar communication styles, how does he feel about parallel play, etc

YOU ARE JUST PREACHING TO ME THIS IS URGH and it made me feel so soft and warm. i'm going to try and NOT make this about my self-insert oc, but this is literally her and eddie, they are autistic 4 autistic/bisexual 4 bisexual love

but yeah, this is my daydreams literally written out 💚

i figure eddie would never have been diagnosed. he's old enough to not have been identified as anything other than "gifted" at school and i think his parents seem like the type who would avoid diagnosis out of ~shame~ so he'd be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all (until batman comes along with his non-degree and decides eddie is an obsessive compulsive narcissist. which yeah, fair. but also hello pot, this is the kettle speaking????)

anyway i think he would avoid all long-term relationships out of trust and a need to prove himself as above human needs and completely elf-sufficient, but it'd be easiest for him to get on with someone who is also autistic, even if they had very different communication styles. and i bet that would confuse him at first like "why does this idiot not bother me as much as all the other idiots"

a lot of the "bonding" would be done in silence, and would probably come from a place of blunt honesty, where eddie realised he could trust his new friend because they're either not afraid enough to lie to him or are too honest to know better. and he'd relish the ability to turn to someone and say "you are making my space crowded with your existance and i need you to leave" without them getting all moody, because they'd understand immediately

there might be a point where he picks up on things that make his new buddy a lil bit different, but i think he'd recognise them as brilliance before he thought of them as something "wrong" with them. mostly, because he'd see himself reflected back. hyperfixations and obsessions with certain acts/scenarios/things, an either intense focus or a complete lack of it, prone to sensory overload (which eddie doesn't know the name of before he meets his friend, he just assumes he has anger issues and is bad for going into tantrums), and there's bound to be a point where they both come to the realisation that neither of them understands other people's emotions or morals (cue a shared conversation about how people think batman is acceptable but not eddie)

going back to the bonding in silence thing, he's 100% given the key to life when he realises parralell play works for him. like you're telling him that you can be in the same room with someone and do your own thing completely, but they're there if you think of a stupid pun or you want to walk over to them to say "look what i made" have them go "wow!" and then turn around and go back to work???? where has this BEEN all his life (although now that he thinks about it, he did enjoy quietly reading amongst the other inmates at arkham)

anyway, i think at a certain point he'd find the bravery to tell his new friend that he thinks they're soulmates. maybe he'd follow that up with a confusion about romantic intent or interest, maybe he'd request a formal recognition of their friendship. and no doubt his lil buddy would be confused until eddie says "we're soulmates because we are literally the same person. we do all the same things. we think the same way." and his friend is like "that's sweet, eddie. and yeah, we might be soulmates. but i think a lot of that is because we're both autistic"

and eddie is like

"we're both what? so you're? and i'm? OH!!!!!!!"

and then everything falls into place, like he's just solved a complex riddle he didn't even know he was working through and he's stuck standing there for a while like:

[omori-mlb-au]

I think a Balcony Scene™ between Basil and Ladybug would be very sweet! Say they got rejected by their respective crushes (or perceived themselves rejected anyway) and had to talk to one another for comfort à la the show.

I can imagine Ladybug telling Basil about how Catmint is so great but also so cold to him and Basil being like "Yeah he's the worst, huh?" and Basil telling Ladybug about his massive crush on his bestie and Ladybug saying "I bet he's not that great." And them bonding over their (failed) attempts to rebound while self-deprecating/boosting each other up. —Kae.

Oooh well almost spot on! I mean, it is the obvious route for their relationship – I really like those dialogues aaaaa thanks Kae !!

Here, have a doodle of them

(@theokusgallery is the one who wrote almost all of Ladybug's tirade yippie)

Aaaa I just- (tiny little ramble below)

Basil is so down bad for Sunny and Sunny really cares about Basil because he is his first and only best friend but Basil has low self-esteem and thinks he's just too lame, unworthy of his friend and just cannot imagine himself going out of his way to confess to him. Sunny thinks that he's just some guy with anger issues who's just not suitable for friendships or really, any kind of relationships. He honestly sees himself as a bad guy, the kind to think of themselves "If they discover I'm such a horrible person they'll leave me" and. Poor fella. Man 🥹 One single argument or disagreement and bro will distance himself to a point of isolation and drown in negative emotions - and you know it's bad 🦋

Catmint is being a moody emo guy and Ladybug is tired of his shit but also kinda into that (who would blame him)

But yeah, deep inside, it does hurt Ladybug to be treated that way sometimes. Wait until he explodes 🤓☝️

Not revealing too much but even if being Catmint is synonymous of freedom for Basil, sometimes, he really hates being this cold sarcastic guy. Sometimes, he really, really hates being Catmint.

I ended up rambling fhdjdbhdudd I had to get a little bit out

Thanks for your ask Kae ! It's always a pleasure

[xflippinfrogx]

Okay!! hmmm so I feel both reggie and james don’t get enough lee! Moments in fics (in mauraders fics I’ve seen anyway) Soo maybe like switch? I’m not that creative like you are soo I can’t give a specific prompt in grand detail but maybe james wanting to be annoying and tickling reggie when he’s in his usual bad mood but james paying the price for it in the end? Something like that? but feel free to do something completely different :)

you’re content is literally amazing !!🤍🤍

-friendly anon (might reveal myself when confident enough lol)

Not in the mood..

A/N~ AHH YOURE SO SWEET!!!!! I totally agree, these cuties deserve so much more love.. Love the prompt btw!! I hope you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing it!!

(P.S. I have my suspicions as to who you are but I would love to know I’m so curious!! There’s no pressure but I’d love to finally meet my friendly anon<33) ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

LEE~ Regulus & James

LER~ James & Regulus

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

💙THIS IS A SFW TICKLE FIC, NSFW DNI💙

It was a beautiful day at Hogwarts. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping. A picture perfect scene.

But Regulus was too busy hating the world to notice it.

If he’s being honest he doesn’t know why he’s angry today, he just is??

Normally there’s a reasonable explanation for his anger but he can’t seem to find one..

Right now he just wants to flaunt his teenage angst by glaring at the patch of grass he was currently picking at.

But then his dumb boyfriend decided he wanted to show up and be annoying. Damn Potter and his stupid pretty face.. and his ridiculously soft hair…

Maybe Regulus didn’t mind him being there.. Yeah he kinda liked the company.. but that wasn’t going to get in the way of his pointless brooding, no way!!

“Reggie I’ve been looking everywhere for you!!”

James was grinning ear to ear as he bounded over to him, he looked a bit like a puppy Regulus thought. “What are you doing moping by yourself when you could come play quidditch with me!?” James asked, his energy was practically radiating from him.

Regulus would have agreed, how could he not with the way James was looking at him? But he wanted to keep up his angry facade a while longer. Gotta uphold that reputation you know?

“I’ll play later, I’m not in the mood right now.” He replied focusing back on his grass plucking.

“But I’m so booored.” James whined. He was now sat next to Regulus, their knees knocking against one another.

“Then go and annoy Sirius or something.”

“Sirius is busy being all mushy with Remus, they kicked me out of the dorm.. I don’t want to think too much about why.” He shuddered.

Regulus wrinkled his nose, he didn’t want to think about it either.

He also didn’t want to think about the fact that his boyfriends hands seemed to be wandering awfully close to him. (Not like that you dirty minded scoundrel)

“Regulus I’m not gonna leave you alone until you say yess.” He smirked poking the younger boys stomach.

He turned his head away, stifling his laughter into the back of hand.

“C’mon just one round? I’ll go easy on you!!” He teased, hands creeping up Regulus’ sides.

“Jahames I don’t want to plaHAY QUIDDITCH RIHIGHT NOW!! GO AWAHAY!!” He shrieked as James reached his lower ribs.

James’ cheeks were practically splitting in half with how wide he was smiling. He hadn’t expected Regulus to lose it that quickly but he definitely wasn’t complaining.

“Aww would you listen to those giggles!! Not so moody and mysterious now huh Reg?” “I hahahate you soho muhuch.” Soft giggly laughter pouring from his mouth. “We both know that’s a lie my love.” James replied while admiring his blushy mess of a boyfriend.

Regulus saw his chance and quickly reversed their positions pushing James to ground and pinning his arms to his sides.

“You really thought youhu were going to gehet away with that? I don’t think soho Potter.” He spoke trying to seem intimidating. In reality he just looked like a giggly little kid.

But god was that kid about to wreck his boyfriend.

James immediately tried to wriggle out of Regulus’ firm hold but he was already weak from the anticipation. Regulus wasted no time tracing over his loves worst spots adoring every squeal and shriek he made. He loved him so much. But not enough to show mercy just yet~

He spent the next few minutes exploring every last spot he could think of.

“REGGIE PLEAHEHESE!!”

“James you’re practically a walking tickle spot it’s hilarious!!” Regulus teased through his own laughter.

“Are you sorry for annoying me?,” He eased up slightly not wanting to overwhelm him too much.

“I aham!! I’m sohorryhy” His laughter was frantic and bubbly as Regulus slowly dragged his fingers across his lower stomach.

“Are you sure~” Regulus asked digging his thumbs into the other boys hips.

“YEHEHEHES I PROHOMISE!! PLEAHESE STAHAHAP!!” His laughter turned silent and Regulus took that as his cue to stop. He pulled his still giggling boyfriend into his arms.

“Youhure ehevil.” Laughter dying down, James snuggled into Regulus’ chest.

“But you love me, idiot.” He smiled fondly at him while gently rubbing away any remaining tingles from his attack. They laid there limbs tangled together for who knows how long. Neither of them truly cared, they were content with each others silent company. Until Regulus broke the silence.

“Hey James?”

“Mm?”

“You still up for quidditch?”

“Maybe later.. I’m not in the mood right now.” He replied hugging his boy closer.

[anadelaney79]

Nothing more, nothing less (Part 1)

Summary: You are a perfectionist workoholic that works for August Walker, a stubborn non-conformist who's always pushing your buttons. That's a bad combination.

Pairing: August Walker x Reader

Words: 1200

Warnings: None, as this first part. Pure tension!

A/N: As usual, I'm really sorry about all the spelling mistakes, as english is not my main language.

Title: Nothing more, nothing less. Part 2

He's silent. He's reading something on his computer and typing like a maniac at the same time. He's obviusly mad, but you can't remember when was the last time he wasn't mad anyway. He called you to his office five minutes ago, and you're standing in front of his desk since then, still and quiet, clutching your Ipad and the folder with the report he asked you for yesterday. You can hear your own breathing, in and out, and you are very aware of the tremor in your hands.

That's what August Walker do to you. Not only he intimidates you in the most profounds ways, but he makes you an insecure and fearful being. Something that you are not to the rest of the world. To everyone, you are the clever, intelligent, funny, always ready to help and to give an advice kind of girl.

However, in front of August, your boss, you always feel at a disadvantage. Your work has been always perfect, even beyond the count. If he asks you to do A, you take care of doing A, B and even C. But, for him, something is always wrong. Something is always missing. Nothing is enough. That's a bad combination right there: a perfectionist workoholic and a stubborn non-conformist.

Sometimes you wonder why do you even are still working for him. He is not only stubborn, but also moody and even disrespectful. Have he ever told you something good about your work? You don't remember.

"Miss? Are you listening?", his deep voice brings you back to reality.

"Yes sir", your voice is low. You clear your throat, and your eyes lock on his. He is definitely the most intimidating man you have ever known. And the most handsome. And you hate when he calls you "miss", like you two have just met. Two years working for him every day, every hour, and he still calls you "miss". Two years. Very meritorious, considering the previous assistants were there for a few weeks.

"Give me that", he moves his fingers, pointing at the folder you've been holding against your chest. "I asume it is the report I asked for yesterday".

"Yes. Yes it is, sir". You step forward and handle the folder to him. He looks at you briefly up and down and starts to read it. You take the opportunity to look at him. He's so attractive that it's ridiculous. But you also can't stand him. The way he treats you, the way he despises everything you do, the way he ignores you. You worked on this damn report all night, and you only have a couple of hours of sleep. You feel tired, sensitive and irritable. But you trust that you did a good job. You take a deep breath and straighten your posture. You can do it. You've got this.

"¿Do you even know how to reason by yourself?", he finally says, tossing the folder onto the desk without even finishing the first page.

"What... do you mean... sir?"

"This is written as if I did it".

"And is that... wrong?" You are confused.

"In fact, it is." He looks at his computer monitor again, as if everything is already solved.

"May I know why, sir?", you start to tremble. You clench your hands into two tight fists, trying to contain the anger that swirls in your stomach, and the tears that threaten to spring from your eyes. You never cried in front of him. Never. You have cried yourself to sleep, many times. But he never saw you weak, and you don't want this to be the first time.

"Why? Are you serious? This is bullshit, and you know it. Go back to that desk and do it all over again. And this time, think before typing".

"Bullshit? Let me tell you that I find it highly disrespectful of you. I've been working on this report all night..."

"Then don't waste your time, or mine, and do it right the next one", he interrupts you. "I need it tomorrow morning"

That's it. You feel that you can't hold it back anymore. Your eyes fill with tears that you can't contain.

"You are an asshole!", you let out a frustrated cry through your teeth.

"Tell me something I don't know, sweetheart" he answers, still not looking at you.

"I'm not your sweetheart!"

"I am well aware of that."

"I've been working my butt off day in and day out for two years trying to fill your requests, to measure up. It's never enough for you", you wipe the tears from your cheeks, and just then August raises his eyes. "You don't even know what it is like to work for you."

"I know what is like. But there is something that you don't understand yet. I need you to work with me, not for me."

"I understand that"

"No, you don't" He gets up from his chair and walks slowly towards you, putting his hands in his pockets. Unconsciously you take a few steps back, until you feel the wall at your back. He only stops when it is a few inches from your body.

"If I wanted a simple secretary, I would have hired the first blonde with eternal legs that appeared to me in the interview. I chosed you because I don't need a secretary that brings me coffee and repeat my appointments like a fucking parrot. I need someone who thinks for himself. Someone smart. Tireless worker. Someone that completes me."

"I didn't know that..."

"Maybe because I didn't say it", he raises his arm and wipes away a tear that slowly slides down your cheek with his thumb. "Maybe I should be a little more communicative, I admit that".

You try to calm yourself. "I'm so sorry for this behavior, sir." you compose yourself and stand up straight, still against the wall.

"To be honest, I prefer when you call me asshole than when you call me sir". And there it is. His smile. You don't think you remember ever seeing him smile. You break the eye contact, and look down at your shoes. Your body is a mixture of the adrenaline from what just happened, from the tiredness, from the contained anger that you just let out, and from the shame of having done it.

"I should go back to my desk and start working on it"

"Yes" he says, and steps back to give you some space. He clears his throat and looks at the floor as well, standing up straight. So close, in front of you, he seems bigger than ever.

You close the door behind you and sit on your chair. The phone rings immediately and his deep voice fills your ear. "Don't go through with the report now. Go ahead with what you had planned for today, we'll work together after hours on the report to make sure we don't make any more mistakes. I appreciate your work and I wish we don't have more misunderstandings in the future."

He doesn't wait for your answer, as usual, and hangs up the call. The door opens and he rushes out of his office without even looking at you.

[songofthesibyl]

I didn’t personally resonate with any of the characters in ACOTAR too much—and that’s not necessarily a requirement for enjoying a story, but it often is. I am attuned to depictions of mental health, though, and so, especially as I was/am struggling with depression, anxiety, and anger, at various points I could recognize things in Tamlin, Nesta, and Feyre. For example, Nesta’s negative self-talk, Tamlin in general in ACOFAS, and Feyre’s depression in the beginning of ACOMAF—wanting to sleep all the time, the lack of appetite, wanting to he numb, etc. I thought that was a pretty decent depiction that rang true for me. But it was just something I noticed. I didn’t really self-insert with her. 

Growing up, my mother struggled with mental illness as well. I’m not sure exactly, but probably some form of bipolar disorder. She was in and out of hospitals throughout my childhood. I didn’t understand why she would have been until later. But my earliest memories are when she would have her “explosions”: getting overwhelmed, angry, screaming at us. It was terrifying. After, she would go to her and my father’s room, and lay on the bed, the door shut. Sometimes I would hear her crying. As a little girl, I didn’t understand, because it might be set off by something like me not cleaning my room, and I felt horrible that I made my mother so miserable. And I seemed to take it more personally than my brothers.

I also knew that there was something inside me that was like her—that I felt overwhelmed, that I felt “sad” for no reason at all. But I resisted going to doctors because I didn’t want to be “crazy.”

This lack of self-esteem, and constant anxiety, made me a target for bullies, and men, often much older, who took advantage of me. I remember one, who would be sweet and loving, and then very cold. Sleeping in the same bed, but mocking my attempt to get close, turning away sleeping with his clothes on when he had held me in his arms all night before. I would go in the bathroom and cry, I would cry next to him; there was never any response. 

I was always nervous around my mother. When she was in one of her moods, I would tiptoe around, terrified of being on her radar. I often was. After, she would give me the silent treatment. Sometimes for weeks. I would always be the one to have to break the ice to make up with her. Always. And when she would yell at me, I would shut down, stone-faced, not moving or saying anything, just wanting it to be over. Even as an adult. It wasn’t all bad times—she was often kind, generous. She was an artist—she and my father met while getting their MFA’s in painting. But the fear never left. And though I’m not glad she’s gone, I could never have lived with her again. 

This dynamic seemed to repeat itself over and over. My last job, as a museum security guard, was within a very chauvinistic, toxic environment. I got told, unironically, that I didn’t smile enough, and when I pointed out to someone that some of the male supervisors were moody too, he replied “yeah, but women are supposed to smile.”

I had been there a long time when a man twice my age, who used to work as a prison guard amongst other things, was promoted to lead supervisor (some bullshit position; basically one below actual manager). He was usually easygoing, but often recounted times of anger in the past, when he got in trouble for exploding at the people at the DMV, for example. 

I took the train in, changing into my uniform at work. It helped to better separate things, even though it meant I was often in a hurry. A lot of the time the train was late, too. And on the weekend, there weren’t many anyway—I had to take one that got me there two hours early. There was one position—being posted at the front of the museum—that had an 8:00 start. So I volunteered, as I was usually there at 7:40 anyway. I also would have breakfast with me, and I would eat on post—a lot of the time, they even let me finish it before going on, saying that before 8:30, it was only employees anyway, and they could just go in the back. This man also said this. Was easygoing, telling me to relax, linger in the back office, it was no big deal. 

That day, however, was different. I walked in as usual, and he lost it—bellowing, berating me. One of those funny incidents he would recount from his past. It happened to be busy, and he needed me out front right away, and I wouldn’t be ready in time. I was doing nothing different than I had for years. 

By the end of it, I knew I was going to have an anxiety attack. But I was late. And I didn’t want him to yell at me again. So I quickly changed, and went out front. 

But it was busy. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle greeting people, small talk. I held on until a supervisor came in. Even then I was afraid they would call me “dramatic.” But I had to be honest about my physical state. Luckily, another guy came out, who was very understanding and empathetic—hired for his ability to work with people. And he relieved me from my post.

I went into the bathroom, and had a severe anxiety attack. My heart raced, I sweat, I felt nauseous. There was shortness of breath, hyperventilating, crying. And though people mock the throwing up in ACOTAR, fairly violent dry heaves. The description of Feyre’s panic attack in ACOMAF was fairly affecting in that way. It was something I felt I could have written. Especially the racing thoughts. The feeling like I was nothing. That that guy could do that, and be considered leadership material.

I went back on post eventually, after about ten minutes, because I felt I had to. I was still anxious of course, but I was able to hold it together, and make it through the day. 

There were talks, of course. The manager called me in—a former police captain. And he was nice enough, but all he really had to say about what happened was “you have to learn to deal with different personalities.” It wasn’t a problem what he did. It was my problem for being upset about it.

I hated myself for still being there. I felt like such a loser. But the benefits were good, and I didn’t think I could find something better. But I was miserable. During lunch I would cut myself with a razor just to relieve the tension. I developed an anger problem that I still am struggling with now. Because of all of these people in power that can treat people anyway they want, and it’s only the victim’s fault for being “sensitive.”

Eventually, I left the museum, but had to settle for a part-time job with no benefits. That’s the job I’m at now.

I read the books for a fun distraction—they were, and I read most of them quickly. At no point though did I really place myself in the shoes of anyone except in the moments I mentioned. Probably the most viscerally I’ve hated a character in a book other than an obvious villain is Heathcliff at the end of Wuthering Heights—speaking of locking someone up—but I wouldn’t find it weird if someone liked him. He’s a complex, tragic figure. But some can’t read Wuthering Heights, or do and don’t like it, because the main characters by and large aren’t good people. I still really liked the novel, and loved that it could make me feel that intensely. 

It’s fine to read ACOTAR personally. But it’s not ok to assume things about people who read differently. It’s just not that simple.

[necroangelz]

bored, so gunna do yur ask game... 💌 and/or 🫀 pwease.^⁠_⁠^^⁠_⁠^ hru today btw! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

help this has been in my inbox for a few days oops im so sorry... i drafted up the first half of this post last friday but i forgot to continue it and i had no energy... anyways

as of right now i havent been that great, my mood swings r going crazy and im stressed over a test tomorrow, although i did a lot of thrifting on friday and saturday and bought lots of nice stuff! i'll post my entire .. "thrifting haul" when i feel like it...

emoji answers below! i decided to answer both. my answer for the heart emoji is very... long.......... but what do uu expect from an infodump?

『 💌 』

a quote or song lyric

muse just realized on muses pinned post it says "song" instead of "song lyric" erm... it's supposed to be song lyric help anyway

“ Come then, and let us pass a leisure hour in storytelling, and our story shall be the education of our heroes. ” -Plato, Republic Book II

wow, look at the intellectual internet angel, quoting Plato /s the quote is also referenced in the secret history by Donna Tartt (hir latest obsession) at the very beginning of the book ^_^ shi doesn't really know what to say, shi just really really likes this quote! shi likes very grand lines like this—the way that a simple leisure story can become an influence to the next generation of great heroes... there's something so alluring about it.

『 🫀 』

a game i played + an infodump

the free visual novel cemetery mary by arcadekitten! i really love cemetery mary and i can go on about it for hours, which is why i'll keep this infodump short bc i might just be typing here for hours and i wont get any sleep.

it's about a girl named mary anta (design is based on a manta ray), whose parents had mysteriously vanished without a trace one day. there's rumors of a killer in her city, called the blackwood butcher, and she suspects that her parents disappeared because of the butcher. she also texts a 'mysterious number' that claims her parents are alive and well.

she may look scary in the title screen but don't be fooled! she's a sweet and soft girl who simply has darker interests (such as the concept of death and cemeteries, as the title suggests).

here's mary hanging out with the other characters—crowven, twyla, and reginald. the player can pursue a route with any of these characters where mary will hang out with them and get closer to them. each route has a vastly different story and even genre/theme, and they lead to their own good and bad endings. i feel like it's easy to get the bad endings at first though... and they can get veeerrryyy VERY fucked up. there is also a true ending which is very entertaining and mysterious but leads to a happy ending.

i have about 42 hours in the game. yeah i got very obsessed with it... i like visual novels a lot and despite the occasional fucked up moments i enjoy CM because it's very chill and the characters are written well. and there's just something about how the game is designed that scratches my brain.

i got introduced to the game by a friend 2-ish years ago. we don't talk anymore but i liked that friend a lot... i didn't start playing CM until a few months later though

also just look at mary rn. SHE'S SO SILLY AAAHH I LOVE HER how can one not adoooreee her?????/

anyway let me just speedrun describing the 3 route characters rn

too lazy to find a better photo of him rn—this is crowven corvuson, design is based on a crow, and he's mary's cousin. except they're not blood related but they see each other as family. i don't interact with the fandom but i can imagine the discourse they would have about crowven and mary.

crowven is emo, moody, smokes weed, and has anger issues. his parents are dead. he lives together with mary. he gets up to secret business.

AAAAAHHH EHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE this is twyla sophio, design based on an owl, this isn't her main "look" though, this is her outfit for a party. she's filthy rich, she's toxic, she's manipulative, and she's relentless to uncover the identity of the blackwood butcher. she also has some kind of rivalry with crowven (apparently it's accurate to nature where owls and crows have beef irl)

i am very very very in love with twyla in a normal way and i ship her and mary together

lastly, reginald tetra, design based on a pufferfish. this also isn't his main look, but he's so handsome here. i don't really like him that much but there's some certain scenes that make me like him...

he's your local average guy. he's so average. he's so normal. there's nothing wrong with him. i swear

he also has a littol tiny crush on mary :3 they develop a nice bond

ok thats it infodump over

[aemiron-main]

HELLO AGAIN!! Just wanna say that I love your analyses as always. THE NATURE DOCUMENTARY ONE, LITERALLY UNHINGED IT'S SO GOOD. YOU'RE SO GOOD!!!

You talking about how Mike used to be open about his emotions, but isn't anymore with the milk analogy???? JAIL!! PUTING YOU IN JAIL AGAIN- IT'S SO GOOD.

Anyways I've been reading on repressing and suppressing emotions?? Ok so I'm not claiming to be a professional or anything, I'm just reciting what I've read about!! IT'S JUST REALLY INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT in the case of Mike.

Ok before I go on a tangent, I found something interesting-

CRYING!! MIKE WHEELER??-

Anyways suppressing is when you avoid talking or expressing an unwanted or uncomfortable emotion and in order to do that, some may do something to distract themselves, in the case of Mike (Him playing video games in the basement.) BUT there's also controlling your intake of food!! which is what Mike might also be doing. He's looking for some control.

Suppressing emotions happens when you don't know what to do with said emotions (aka his feelings for Will, he's having thoughts about Will so he ignores/avoids them by playing video games.) Basically suppression is something that you actively do whilst repressing is more unconscious. Mike might be a mix of these 2.

I think by the end of S4 or something he might be leaning more towards repression.

I wanna talk more about how his family life causes this, cause it's soo interesting. Mike doesn't know how to healthily express his emotions, because his parents are emotionally stunt. They've never talk about their emotions, so it's just uncomfortable for him to do so because he didn't grow up in an environment where doing so was considered normal. I think this effect the entirety of the Wheeler kids. They just don't know what to do with feelings, so they shove it down aka suppressing them. Just shoving them down so they don't have to deal with them.

Wonder why Mike feels more dull in S4? Going back to watch clips from S1-2 felt like experiencing smth different. Mike felt more explosive you could say, he was moody and angry, but at least it was an emotion. S3-4 felt like watching the colors drain out of him, because that's when he learns to shove them down, cause they're bad. Feelings like anger, frustration, sadness anything!! He shoves them down. Cause 1) he's shown that he can't express these feelings without repercussions, his parents punishment for acting out instead of understanding him. 2) He's been shown that these emotions are not important.

He thinks he shouldn't have these emotions, because he's not allowed to, he hasn't suffered enough to feel these.

Feels like I'm just repeating things, but he's SUCH an interesting character to talk about!!! Anyways just came here to say that you're probably my fav (personally) Mike analyst. You do it so well!!!



AAAAAAAAAAAA HELLO OMG!!! IM SO SLOW AT REPLYING TO ASKS IM SORRY BUT FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU SO SO MUCH YOU'RE SO SWEET AND IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY ANALYSIS!! I LOVE UR ART AND I LOVE UR MIKE'S LACK OF SELF VALUE ANALYSIS (i have a rb of it in my drafts i promise i havent forgotten abt it)!! AFBJHJBH THANK YOU THE MILK POST WENT FROM BEING A SHITPOST ABT HIM DRINKING MILK WHEN HES STRESSED INTO AN ACTUAL ANALYSIS BC I WAS LIKE 'wait... wAIT... a pattern is appearing..." AND YES OMG HELL YEAH IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOUR THOUGHTS!! Okay so YES!!!!! THAT ABSOLUTELY SOUNDS LIKE MIKE AGHH!!! YOURE SO RIGHT!! Mike in the basement, but also mike controlling his food intake!! I personally think that when it comes to mike & food as a source of control, its more of a subconscious thing rather than actively being aware of it, like he lacks appetite and isnt eating for a variety of reasons which i need to make a full post on one day, and so he then associates not eating w that feeling of being in control and so then it’s just another reason on his list of various reasons as to why he ends up avoiding food! Esp since i think mike’s food issues are also tied to his repression of his emotions and queerness and guilt and again how he’s subconsciously seeking control through food, but also how he associates ‘real food’ in s1 with family and karen’s cooking but as that relationship w his family deteriorates, esp bc of his guilt abt his queerness and bc of his depression/mental health in general, his relationship w food also deteriorates. Mike’s life has had so many moments of a loss of control, esp w the supernatural stuff, but I feel like a.) the continuation of his relationship with el and feeling like he has very little control over that relationship bc theres so many expectations for him and b.) feeling like he’s lost will are two core losses of control that are really affecting him pre-s4, esp feeling like he’s failed and lost will and out of control of his life bc his sense of stability (will’s presence in his life) is gone, and so he’s seeking a sense of control through food while simultaneously punishing himself/neglecting himself by not eating. And that is SUCH a great point both about a.) mike’s feelings for will and focusing on videogames and b.) the distinction between repression vs suppression. I def think mike has a mix of those two, and is leaning towards repression in s4, yes!!!!

“I wanna talk more about how his family life causes this, cause it's soo interesting. Mike doesn't know how to healthily express his emotions, because his parents are emotionally stunt. They've never talk about their emotions, so it's just uncomfortable for him to do so because he didn't grow up in an environment where doing so was considered normal. I think this effect the entirety of the Wheeler kids. They just don't know what to do with feelings, so they shove it down aka suppressing them. Just shoving them down so they don't have to deal with them.” And that’s another fantastic point/great way of framing it, as if he feels “more dull,” in s4, because he DOES, because he’s tired and struggling and pushing down his emotions and feels like he’s always going to be demeaned or ignored if he expresses them!!! Mike’s parents are SO emotionally unavailable and not only do they fail to encourage Mike to show his emotions, but they also punish him for it too! In s2, when he’s upset and expressing himself about having to give away his toys, Karen reprimands him for his upset & reminds him off things that he did like graffitiing the bathroom stall- which is odd because he’s already BEEN punished for those things, he’s already lost his Atari, and the toys aren’t actually tied to his “bad behaviour,” but rather, Karen wants the toys to be given away & is using mike’s “bad behaviour” as an excuse. It also struck me that Ted, who’s usually pretty silent, chimed in to give Mike shit with his “strike 20 you’re on the bench, son” comment but we never see Ted chime in to defend Mike in any of the dinner scenes, only to reprimand him. We don’t even see Ted and Mike have a nice normal conversation at the dinner table- or EVER! When was the last time we saw Mike and Ted just. Talk. At all. An actual conversation, not even a deep serious one but just anything that isn’t just “Ted making snarky comments at Mike”? Hell, Mike doesn’t even respond to Ted’s snarky comments at the s2 dinner table, nor does he respond to them in the kitchen scene in s4 ep1. He’s responding to Karen in both scenes but not Ted. We literally haven’t seen an actual conversation between Mike and Ted at all. The CLOSEST we’ve gotten to that is s1 ep1 where Ted is fixing the tv & Mike tries to ask about staying longer for dnd but Ted shuts him down and tells him to talk to/listen to Karen. This is REALLY interesting to me because that’s the only time we really see any sort of two way dialogue between Mike and Ted where they’re even just. Responding directly to eachother at all. And it’s because from that scene, Mike has learned that he can’t go to Ted and that Ted’s just going to redirect him to Karen & not listen to Mike, so then in Mike’s mind, why should he even bother with Ted? Mike shoves down his feelings SO MUCH, we see him get shut down so often and eventually he just starts shutting himself down & repressing his own emotions before anyone else can try and shut him down. “S3-4 felt like watching the colors drain out of him” THIS IS SO SO TRUE AND ACCURATE AND AGAIN IS A FANTASTIC WAY OF FRAMING/PHRASING IT!!! THATS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!! And i completely agree, at least he was EXPRESSING himself, at least it was emotions, but then in s3-s4, he REALLY starts shoving them down, because exactly like you said, he’s been shown that not only are his emotions deemed unimportant, but they’re also actively punished. 

He thinks he shouldn't have these emotions, because he's not allowed to, he hasn't suffered enough to feel these.

EXACTLY!!!!! He feels like he isn’t suffering enough because of how he compares himself to others & invalidates his own experiences and emotions & how other people, including El (with the s4 bedroom fight scene and her invalidating him when he talks about being bullied) have invalidated and shut him down too. And that’s part of what frustrates me about some of the discussion surrounding Mike’s mental health in the fandom too- they fall into that same “Mike hasn’t suffered enough to have mental health issues,” trap, and compare Mike to other characters and use that comparison to invalidate and willfully ignore his struggles and it’s NOT frustrating because that approach completely misses the POINT of how Mike’s character aligns with people who feel like they are suffering enough & who are invisible & who invalidate themselves because of how they’ve been invalidated by others.

HES SUCH AN INTERESTING CHARACTER AND I LOVE THE THOUGHTS YOUVE MENTIONED HERE!! And thank you so, so much omg that makes me so happy because i LOVE analyzing him! YOURE SO SWEET THANK YOU SM AAAAAAAAAAA!!! 💗💕

[valleyfthdolls]

Ok, for the FNaF AU asks, can you tell me more about your CTW AUs? Like your main, or the YD!AU, since those are the ones I know best

I just really like your CTW AUs, which I don't say as much as I'd like to lol-

Yargh/pos

I know there’s some overarching story in Fazbear Frights but I also… don’t get it, and don’t care that much. I just took the stories I liked and ran with ‘em, so this is more in line with the game canon.

Basically, following the Ennard plot, Circus Baby’s continues to run, but the animatronics are defunct and falling apart, and when Funtime Freddy’s popularity drops in kids ordering them for parties, he’s scrapped for parts, and Bon-Bon is removed from his hand. What remains of Funtime Freddy- now basically hollowed out, thanks to being salvaged for parts- is tossed out, found in the junkyard and sold at a garage sale to Millie’s grandpa. Thanks to his vessel being kept alive, he awoke when Maurice began trying to fix him up.

In the YD!AU, Maurice actually takes up trying to execute commands on what remains of Freddy’s computer when he realizes he could use it to teach Millie a lesson. It doesn’t respond well, which Maurice is upset by, and starts trying to force Freddy when he awakens. Freddy, excited at the idea of maiming, doesn’t need much forcing. But it’s actually the agony that made Freddy alive that is to blame for so much of YD!Millie’s suffering. Freddy’s agony influences her, the same way William is influenced by the remnant he extracts from the children he kills in the main AU. It’s like a convoluted haunting. Anyways, it’s because of this that YD!Millie feels so much smaller and weaker than her main!au self, it’s why her luck keeps going downhill and nothing ever goes right for her, and why she’s repeatedly haunted by the situation replaying… aside from just PTSD.

Unlike your Cruel!Millie, YD!Millie doesn’t have Stockholm syndrome, she actually genuinely hates YD!Maurice. Her feelings are way more complicated than that, but it’s never really overshadowed by her love just how fucking wronged she feels, over and over. She pushes it back because she has now developed a complex about being a “bad person” if she’s angry, selfish, or just a normal, moody teenager, but she has a lot of repressed anger about the situation.

Honestly though, I think the most twisted part of my CTW AUs is that the AU where she survives is the AU where she is unloved, unfortunate, and tormented, and the AU where she was loved, where she had several people, even outside family with Sarah, Dylan, Brooke, and a couple of other kids, who WANTED to care about her, and where she had a whole life ahead of her is the one where the jagged sheet of metal took her head off, and left behind only the ghost of a young girl who never got to be happy.

[emmetrain]

The Twins and Why They React The Way They Do: Nosiness and Aloofness as Defense Mechanism

The twins are opposite sides of the same coin. Their weaknesses are covered by each other's strength. Their ideologies are balanced through their interactions with each other, challenging one another to see the opposite point of view, changing perspectives. Ingo is the dreamer concerning the morals and how to view the world and what to make of the meaning of life--however, he is also the one who acts based on the reality of the situation: holding Emmet back from following flimsy ideals. Emmet is the realist in the perception of the world around them and setting the course of their future, attuned to the way of how things work and how to make dreams real--but he is the one who can be sold dreams of heroes (or scammed by thing too good to be true) and overestimate his capabilities. On the bright side, Emmet is the one who can make a plan to make any dream of Ingo's a reality.

The dichotomies do not end there, however. Behind their mannerisms hide their scars, and the parts of themselves they cannot change- taken from them by their upbringing, written in their psyche with broken cries never heard.

Emmet's active, overwhelmingly nosy personality comes from his need to be on top of things. He HAS TO know what's going on at all times around him, for he cannot ACT if it comes to fight. He has to be the loudest because he cannot complain when something terrible happens. His connection with others are made easy but skin-deep, as he does not put his trust in others despite everything he might do to please them. He expects to be discarded, so he tries so hard not to get attached. Even with the ones he loves, he will always condition himself to think they will leave him tomorrow, and to be ready when the time comes. He is obnoxious and moody, loud and rude when left to his devices, because he never unpacked what he had gone through, and he feels completely defenseless.

Meanwhile, Ingo is more held back, passive. A kind, gentle presence, always there to help others. So scared of the uncontrollable rage burning inside him. His response to hardships is rage, terrifying amounts of rage that begs to be unleashed. The unaddressed past of unpleasant upbringing he had left him feeling like a trapped animal in a cage, and he tries so hard to compensate, to seek forgiveness from the world for the anger inside of him--though it is not a fault, or his own, anyway. He does not trust people easily, and even if he does, he will find ways to push them away, feeling undeserving of any affection without knowing the "real" him. Feeling like a walking problem, or a ticking bomb, really, he chooses isolation, left alone with his books or his schedules, a calm atmosphere to forget the fire burning inside of him, threatening to consume everything around him. He is silent because his mind is always the loudest, and he wants to break away from the noise.

These mannerisms affects also how they fight, as there is a reason why the Battle Subway was never taken by any evil organization. Emmet is confident in his "turf", so to say. Afraid of surprises, he has put up great defenses in Gear Station. All walls and ceilings covered by electrical webs, connected, aware of any who might get caught on it--any intruders with bad intentions are found, and swarmed by the best little bugs, who might not be a challenge on their own, but they are many. Emmet is all about defense, of incapacitating his opponents (not battle partners, mind you), and calling the authorities to deal with them. He is only prepared in his station, in his home, so he is afraid of being outside, of being caught in the web fate would spin.

And for Ingo, he is afraid of unleashing his rage and showing this shame at home. Caught in the station, he would be most reluctant to act, scared of breaking down the illusion of everything being alright with him. He wants to be known as patient, gentle person who helps. Not the one with the bloody knuckles and clenched fists. Thus, he is the strongest when encountered outside of the "sacred" grounds of the station or his home. Chandelure allows for Ingo to act with precision, and where his team empowers, he acts with haste to finish the encounter, to give the other a warning not to mess with him again.

Emmet's active personality is to make up for the passiveness in an emergency, and he takes active steps to fortify his defenses. Ingo's passive personality is to hide and suppress the active volcano of fury in him, and he is passive in preparing for danger, but can jump into action anywhere (other than home, at least).

[valyrou]

How they would react if you jumpscared them

Authors note: I’m laying in bed again, thinking about prompts to write for.. ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENJOYING MY OTHER TWO LITTLE HEADCANONS!!? I DIDN‘T THINK PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY ENJOY THEM.. normally I don’t write that often because I am a lazy, depressed person who‘s just moody all the time lol

TW: bad grammar, cursing(?)

Featuring: Obi wan, Anakin Skywalker and Din djarin

(Requests are open <3 )

Obi wan

You would stand no chance. He is a Jedi, a top tier Jedi on top of that, there is just no way you could ever catch him off guard not even when he sleeps. This poor man just never rests or even lets his guard down for the sake of his and the safety of the ones he needs to protect. But you will try anyways..

You were currently hiding behind a large bush that covered you fully. You waited a long time until you sensed Obis presence coming closer.. You prepared yourself to jump out of your cover and when the right moment came, you struck!

But there was no one there! The place where Obi wan should stand was empty and his presence was no where to be felt. You were confused and froze in your tracks, you looked down the hallway but no one could be seen. You shrieked when two arms wrapped themselves around your waist „What are you doing princess?“ a soft chuckle escaped the Jedi master from behind you. As soon as you knew who had captured you, you stopped squirming in his grasp

„Obi!“ you called out relieved „I tried to scare you“ you admitted „But you probably already knew that, didn’t you?“ you chuckled while leaning against him slightly „Of course I did my love“ he kissed the top of your head before letting you go „But I have to say, you almost got me“ he winked at you before gesturing you to follow him „Now where shall we go?“ He said while turning his gaze at you „How about that new bar? I heard it’s nice and cheap!“ you said. Kenobi thought about it for a second before nodding „Sure, let’s try that“

Anakin Skywalker

I feel like scaring him isn’t too hard.. he isn’t as attentive as Obi is, so if you hide your presence and get him to a point where he doesn’t have his guard up, you can actually scare him!

Today was the day! You thought about a plan the whole week on how to scare Anakin. You were currently sitting in your closet, presence hidden from Anakin so he wouldn’t sense you were there. When the front door slid open you held your breath, scared that your breathing would blow your cover.

„I‘m Home!“ Anakins Voice was heard not far from the front entrance. When you didn’t answer Anakin was puzzled. Where you asleep? Or even home? He didn’t feel you.. His steps grew louder as he walked into your shared bedroom with the closet standing in it. You saw anakin looking around the room for a few seconds before shrugging. Maybe you were out doing something important? He would check that later, you were probably fine, he knew you could handle yourself so he wasn’t worried.

Anakin slid of his robe off and stepped Infront of the closet. Just when he was about to open it, you ripped open the doors and jumped in his face. Anakin jumped back “WHAT THE FUCK“ was all you heard before you burst out laughing „What are you doing!? Are you crazy?? I could have hit you!!“ Anakins Voice was filled with shock and a tint of anger while he clutched his chest „I‘m- I‘m sorry Ani!“ you could barely talk, it was just such a funny moment

„I can’t sometimes with you“ Anakin pouted and turned away from you. You stopped laughing and slowly approached your partner „I‘m sorry Ani..“ you said while hugging him from behind „Please forgive me..“ you put your head on his back and whispered hundreds of apologies on his ear like a sad puppy. How could he stay mad at that?

He turned around, so your head would lay on his chest „Be happy that you are to cute to stay mad at“ he would say playfully angry while having a big smile on his face and without a warning he wrapped his arms around you and picked you up, throwing you in the bed and himself on top of you. You were now big spooning him „Ani what are you doing?“ you asked but he shushed you „Pshh, I deserve this“ he would say. You chuckled and gently played with his hair until you felt his even breathing tickling on your stomach. (I‘m in love with little spoon Anakin)

Din Djarin

Let me just say that this guy probably just aims his weapon at you so you have to make sure he is unarmed (good luck with that) Din I feel like wouldn’t verbally express his shock rather in his expression but since he wears his signature helmet, you wouldn’t even notice much

You were holding Grogu when the idea came to your mind. You were unsure if you would actually want to do it, but because there was nothing else to do you decided to just go for it but before you did, you talked to the little kid as if he could help you decide on what to do.

You sat down the green child in its crib and approached the sleeping Mandolorian on the pilot seat silently and just when you were about to scare him he spoke up „Do not try to scare me Mesh‘la“ his voice sounded clear as day as if he didn’t even sleep „Wait how did you know I was gonna scare you?“ you asked baffled anyone watched Din stand up from his seat to look at you „I know everything“ he said with the most serious tone in his voice. You just chuckled and took Grogu back into your arms while the Mandolorian watched you.

You smiled and shook your head in amusement of his answer „Well it was worth a shot“ you said and stepped closer to the taller man to place a gentle kiss on his helmet before leaving with the little one in your arms. Din just stood there, flustered in the deepest shade of red and hell he was happy he had the helmet to cover himself. You made this man a mess with just one gesture congratulations!

Ok ok I got lazy in the end! I had to take a break from writing this shit. I‘m not proud and I don’t like what I wrote, but I’m still gonna send this out

[caramellopeach-blog]

Your Beauty never ever scared me

TW : mention of suicide, depression, self harm and use of strong language.

Spoiler of MHA

Hi everyone, is the author here :) I just wanna say that I wrote this story also becase I wanna spread that depression exist and is a serious illness, it’s not just a sad feeling and if you need help, it’s okay to ask and it’s not a shame. I am learning that myself and sometime it’s not easy, but it gets better. 

Please ask for help if you need, stay safe and enjoy things you like, despite what others say. 

Have a good day <3 

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It was a late sunday night and you and Shigaraki were returning from a mission in which you had to take care of a silly copycat of Shigaraki himself. He was pretty pissed off, so you were trying to cheer him up, but you were not the greatest. 

“Come on Shigaraki...his lips weren’t even that cracked...he was a bad copycat!”

Shigaraki looked at you with a strange look, a mix between anger, amousement and misbelief and said:

“Fuck you y/n... come on, we must return to the others.” Shigaraki said that with a little smile on his face, he knew you were just lying and having fun. 

He was like a brother to you because after the death of your father and the madness of your mother, you started living on the street, until Shigaraki rescued you from some silly villains. He introduced you to Kurogiri, who at first was a little unsure about you and didn’t know if he could trust you, but after quite some time he eventually started to give you small tasks and assignments. You usually didn’t go on missions with the others, you mostly organised appointments and gave them details about missions and heroes. You were some kind of a stalker, if you can say that. 

Your quirk gave you the power to know information about a person by just looking at their photos, but the more items you had, more details you acquired. For example, if someone gave you a simple photo, you knew their name or exact age, but if you had someting more personal you could discover their secrets or inner fears. 

Your life with the League of Villains was good, you were always protected by the others, and in exchange you offered important information about the heroes. It was a very good deal, considering that you would have probably ended up in jail or worse, if you have still lived on the street. 

In the League you have also find something special, something different from a brother and some kind of father figure (who was Kurogiri). 

You have found love. 

You were in love with a person you would have never expected to, a person completely different from you. 

Dabi was from another planet, with a different lifestyle, but the two of you ended up together anyway. Of course at start it was not that easy because Dabi was a very difficult person and he didn’t want to come near you because of your quirk. He was afraid you would have find out about his past and pain, which he didn’t wanna live again, but you eventually found everything out. Despite keeping it a secret at start, you told him when the two of you were more intimate and he was mad angry at first, but he calmed down after months of silence and distance, when he realised the only person he would have talked to about his story was indeed you. 

Your relationship was doing well, there were also negative times and sadness, but that is normal and your situation as villains didn't help either. 

When you and Shigaraki arrived at the lair of the League, you were welcomed by Toga and Kurogiri. While you were talking with Toga, you started to get worried because Dabi hadn’t welcomed you yet and almost always he was the first to come at the door, so you asked Toga.

“Dabi? I think he went crazy, he has been in his room the entire day and hasn’t come out since this morning, I don’t even think he has eaten anything...I wonder what he has...probably he is just a moody baby...”

“What? I will check on him Toga, thanks. Let me know immediately next time about Dabi”

“Can I have his blood if he is dead?” Asked the crazy Toga. 

You left her without a look, angry because she didn’t told you anything about the situation and you became more worried. That was not normal, even though Dabi has always been a difficult person.

You knocked at his door.

“Dabi, it’s me, Y/n... i will come inside now, ok? I just want to check on you.” You quietly opened the door.

The room was a complete disaster, everything was messy and you couldn't even find the window in the room. It was dark and you couldn't find Dabi, who apparently was gone.

"Love, where are you? It's me, please...I'm getting worried..."

A grunt arrived at you: Dabi was there. You finally found by memory the window and opened it, letting the light inside the room and finding the boy on his bed, wrapped in his blankets with a pillow on his head. You came near him, trying to understand the situation and help him.

"Darling, I'm here, is everyt..."

"GO AWAY Y/N! I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE ME! GET THE FUCK OUT!" he shouted. Firstly you were scared by him, but then you became angry because he wasn't seeking for your help, despite being you one or maybe the only person who could truly understand him. So you grabbed the sheets and pulled them away, just to reveal one of the most tragic scene you had ever seen.

Blood, blood everywhere.

Blood on his face, on his hands, on his torso.

"WHAT THE HELL DABI?! What happened?" First thing you run in the bathroom and took the first aid kit and came back to him. In the meantime Dabi started to cry. His tears were a mix of fear, regret, anger and of course pain and sadness.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you my love, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to do that, I'm a horrible person.."

"It's okay, there is nothing to be sorry about, you were angry and i should have never invade your privacy like that, sorry. I was angry and it was not right. Do you want to tell me what happened?" You told him, while you were medicating his wounds. Apparently he cut some of his piercings with teeth and by hand and it was pretty badly, so you also started to sew him up.

"I...I was thinking about the past and all of a sudden everything went back to hunt me: all the pain, the suffering of my siblings and my mother, the madness of my father...everything. I was overwelmed, so I thought I could hurt myself to make it go away, but it became just worse. I looked in the mirror and I saw a monster, not me and I started to hate my appearence too...Jeez, I'm a disaster... I don't think it's fair to you to stay and I don't even know if you stay with me for pity... I'm sorry.

I don't want you to look at me, I'm disgusting and all these scars make me just worse. I'm sorry. I don't think I'm enough"

"Touya...stop it"

When Dabi heard his long forgotten name, he stopped and looked at you. He had a teraful, scared and at the same time loving gaze, he was searching for your touch, your encouragment, your love. You suddenly had the urge to hold him tight, to tell him that everything was going to be alright, even thought you knew that wasn't right.

"Your beauty never ever scared me, Dabi.

I know that I cannot adjust everything and probably it is impossible for me to do so, but I will always be by your side Love, I will never leave you. I love you"

Dabi was surprised. That was the first time you have ever said something like that, but without esitation he replied :

"I love you y/n. And I want to feel better for you"

"And most important, for youself, Dabi."

"Yes, yes, you're right." You wiped away his last tears, his eyes were red and swallowed, but with a hint of hope and love.

"Do you think you can help me tidy the room and...do you want to sleep with me tonight?"

"Of course Love, but first you have to eat something. It's important. Wait for me, I'll prepate you something." You cooked him a soup and gave him water, because he was also dehydrated. Dabi looked like a child, on his bed eating the soup with a clean blanket on his head and the bandages all over his body. You finished to stitch him and the two of two cleaned up the room and took a shower.

Before going to bed, you wore just the underwear, because Dabi is basically a hot heater and you would have sweated a lot in a pyjama.

Dabi hugged you from behind with his stong arms and said before going to sleep:

"Thank you Honey, I love you and I'll always be there if you need me."

<3

[bluebeetle]

What specific things have set his anger off before his death if you don’t mind sharing? :D

Main thing we see multiple times during the Starlin run of Batman--which is what first established Jason as having anger issues--is a hatred towards perps of sexual violence towards women and children.

He's also shown being angry towards Two-face for killing his dad prior to this but gets over that and just pities Harvey.

But anyways onto examples from Starlin's run:

Batman #422

Batman 424 -- the character who fell was a serial rapist and lead the woman Jay was trying to help to kill herself. I really reccomend this issue, actually, its a really good one, though tw for rape, suicide, drugs (cocaine), and racism towards Latinos--Starlin has a real bad racist writing streak and this story is no exception sadly, and as much as I do like it, its important to mention.

Batman 426 - the first part of A Death In the Family, which is a very bad but very famous storyline lol.

There's a lot that could be said about Starlin's portrayal of Jason. It is more nuanced and sympathetic than many later portrayals of the character--notably his death is not his fault unlike has been said later on, and Jason died trying to help someone. However, Starlin has also been very vocal of his dislike of Jason and the idea of Robin, writing Jason in as little as possible to most of his stories, being vocal about wanting to give Jason HIV-AIDS (yeah), and being one of the biggest pushes to kill him off. Starlins writing also relies heavily on racism, his weird obsession with diplomatic immunity, and violence against women for drama, so theres a lot to pick apart and question--are we supposed to feel sympathy for Jason and his actions, or condemn them? Even the letters in these issues--I own 421, 422, 424, and 425 in physical copies so I have access to the letters in the back--feel like Starlin is purposely trying to make Jason unlikeable. Its definitely an answer that I think says a lot about both Starlin as a person and the reader themselves, on how they take these scenes.

Personally I like to detach them from Starlin's intent, and instead see them as a bridge between Jason as Robin and Jason as Red Hood; as well as a more nuanced take on Jason's anger because its clear theres specific triggers for him and he's not angry all the time--even with Starlin he's a very nice kid part of the time, if a bit moody.

But yeah it's a whole thing but I think people have too much of a knee jerk reaction to hating it when Jason shows any anger and its annoying. Him pushing his mom's drug dealer down a flight of stairs in Urban Legends was pretty in character honestly. (Also idk why people thought Jay killed him; yeah you can die from a fall on stairs but he was probably fine lol)

I think Jason’s anger is too tied into his character now to remove, and I wish writers and fans alike would understand his anger is towards what he sees as unjust, not just because he’s angry all the time. And I think that anger and lashing out is cathartic to me.

[cinnamonest]

//some horrendous gaslighting

I love my stranger-to-noncon very much but I don't give enough attention to consensual relationships taking a turn for the worse, or utterly toxic and abusive boyfriends and Kaeya is the perfect candidate for that so here we go.

-----

I've mentioned before the Kaeya would be exceptionally violent in comparison to other yanderes, but it's important to note that he's also among the most emotionally sensitive, and those two things do not go together well.

Not sensitive outwardly, of course, he's spent years developing that personality of his as a defense mechanism, can easily pretend he doesn't care about anything, but deep down that abandonment complex and those insecurities are strong and easily triggered. Some of the ways it manifests are mild, like how he gets overly attached to you within a week of knowing you, commits and tries to move way too fast even in completely mutual and consensual relationships. The kind of guy that suggests moving in together a week into the relationship, and dropping I love you so early on that you're left to merely blink in surprise because you barely know each other, but under the pressure and awkwardness you find yourself stuttering out a reciprocation, even though it's quite untrue. Guilt-trips and pressures his way into fucking you within a couple of days.

He's a very different person behind closed doors, it comes out maybe a month in when he lets the walls drop and lets himself trust you. He's more vulnerable, sweeter. Oddly... Eager to trust. It's like he desperately wants someone he can latch onto and show some vulnerability around and chose you to be that someone.

But also different in other ways. More... Bitter. More grumpy. More immature.

He's not sensitive in general, he doesn't really care about what most people say or do, but that sensitivity comes out once he's attached to a person, which happens rather quickly. You start noticing it rather quickly in a mutual relationship, and it likely shocks you honestly that he's so... immature. You spend the day with one of your friends -- just one, catch up with them, haven't seen them in a while... and when you get home things are rather quiet. He's usually a very talkative person, so you can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe something bad happened, but he insists no, it's fine. There's nothing wrong. And then you catch the last part, much quieter, spoken under his breath in that lighthearted tone he speaks in, yet with a bitterness to it.

You wouldn't care anyway, you're too busy with your friends.

It takes you by surprise at first because holy shit, really? It seems so petulant that it can't possibly be real, but... Maybe he really did have a bad day and is just getting his anger out by directing it at the first thing he can. That's not right, but hey, everyone has weak moments where they do some bad things. Besides, you weren't there for him, so he feels worse right? Still, you spent every day the past month except this one day with him... No, it's just poor timing, that's all.

Until it happens again. And again. And he swears he likes your friends, smiles at them, but it... Looks forced. Always complaining that you spend so much time with them and completely ignore him. Do you even care? Do you value the relationship at all? You try to not get angry and be rational, but still defend yourself because you spend almost all of your time with him don't you? You can't get much out before he just huffs and stomps away, rolls his eyes (well, you assume he rolls both of them, you can't tell but-- nevermind, not the point) and gives you a cold shoulder. Until you apologize, then it's like the switch has flipped back on, there's love and smiles and warmth and hugs again.

It starts to get on your nerves. You start to wonder if maybe this isn't healthy for you, if maybe you should end things, but you decide to give him another chance, right? We all make mistakes. He's under a lot of stress. Just... It'll be fine.

And the first time it gets physical he swears it's an accident. It leaves an ugly scar. You're going out because come on, it's my family, I haven't seen them in forever.

It just happens, he explains, it's unintentional, emotions get channeled through the vision like that. Comforts you as you sit on the ground crying and clutching your arm that he grabbed as you walked out the door, skin darkened and purplish from the freeze that's seared through a layer of your skin. He sighs and says he's sorry, really, he feels horrible already, so don't get mad, ok? He already feels terrible enough... Don't be mean. He didn't mean it. Don't be mean. Don't be fucking mean about it, stop fucking crying. You're making him feel worse.

He seems genuinely sorry, you tell yourself. It's not his fault. You can't blame him. It's ok.

It's harder to excuse the next time it gets physical. Maybe freezing last time was unintentional, and maybe it hurt, but you weren't terrified like this. A hand around your throat is different.

But can you blame him? You were threatening to leave. Honestly, you weren't approaching it healthily, you weren't trying to actually have a serious talk, you were trying to guilt him and gaslight him and it's honestly emotionally abusive, you know? You're the one in the wrong here. How selfish and cruel. How can you do that and not even feel guilty?

It makes you rethink. It makes you question your own sanity. And it makes you apologize. Makes you say you didn't mean it. You find yourself feeling dizzy, disoriented, like everything isn't real and everything is too much. You try to sleep it off.

And he doesn't like delving into the past. He tries to avoid it. Tries to not think about it. Doesn't even really tell you anything until nearly a year in, a drunken confession of sadness and misery. It makes you feel guilty somehow. Poor thing. He's been through a lot, you tell yourself. Maybe you should be more patient and understanding, help him work through it. You can fix him, per se, can't you? Sure, people say that never works, but... He just needs love, really, it's not like he's that bad.

He hates bringing it up like this even more. It just feels weak and vulnerable but it comes out anyway. You're threatening him again, and honestly, that's a sickening thing to do considering what you know, how can you be so vicious?

You're just like everyone else, aren't you?

You're just going to abandon him like this was nothing. You don't care at all. You're heartless. Ungrateful. He's done so much for you. And this is how you repay him, huh? Disappointing, honestly. He thought you were special. Kind. Understanding. Didn't realize you were just as cruel as everyone else in his life, aren't you?

He just has this way of making you doubt yourself. You pull at your hair and cry. I'm going insane. You keep the thought to yourself, but you fall to your knees and promise you're really sorry this time. He sighs. Fine, he'll give you another chance. He's a patient man. You just need to work on yourself, become a less toxic person.

But apparently that's not enough, and eventually you get dumped.

It comes as a surprise. But he says he's had enough of you being so emotionally manipulative and neglectful. You hardly ever spend time with him (like, only 29 days a month? Unbelievable!). You cry and try to make him feel bad, when the things he does aren't that bad. You always claim to be too tired to fuck. You try to gaslight him into thinking all that's acceptable. It's toxic and abusive, so, he's done.

You find yourself in shock. Confusion. It feels unreal. The first thing you worry about is if you can even find a new boyfriend... Your body is completely littered in freeze-burn scars by now, after all.

Were you really in the wrong? You're not too experienced in relationships, maybe he's right about everything he said... Maybe you really did him wrong...

Which is why you come crawling back. Crying. Apologizing.

Exactly as planned.

So he sighs and agrees. Fine. You can have another chance.

The second time, the third time, he always forgives you and takes you back. Even though you don't deserve it. He just loves you so much, you know? He keeps forgiving you.

Until one day you don't show up.

When you leave that time, you seem almost angry. You don't cry this time. Your hands ball into fists and for once, for the first time, as you storm out, you say--

Fine.

Unusual, but you were always moody like that. Odd choice of words. No matter, it's not like you're actually fine with it, you'll come crawling back any minute now.

It's already been several hours. Why aren't you at his doorstep already? Did he make you feel that bad? Maybe he went too far... You're probably just at home crying or something. You'll come back by tomorrow morning.

You don't.

Ok. Maybe you feel too guilty. Maybe you're reflecting on how awful you've been. That would take some time to get over, since you've done so many bad things. It won't be long before you come back.

A day passes. Two days pass.

What's taking you so long?

He finally swallows his pride. Maybe you're being stubborn. Trying to make him feel bad. Yeah, that's something you'd do. Or maybe you're trying to make him feel all alone, take advantage of the one thing you know bothers him. How mean. But he loves you. You know that. So you'll appreciate it when he checks on you, apologizes for maybe going too far, and he really loves you, he loves you so much, so how about you two just go home and forget this ever happened and have lots and lots of makeup sex and cuddle? And then you can tell him you're sorry and love him too and promise to stay forever? He's already got the speech practiced a few times in his head walking over to your place, the one you haven't really lived in for a while now since he demanded you basically move in with him. All your clothes and stuff are at his place now. You would have taken that with you if you ever actually intended to leave, so clearly this is a ploy to get him to come to you, as if that wasn't already obvious.

Your eyes narrow when you open the door and your face contorts with anger. And you snarl that you've had enough. He wants you gone so much, fine, you're more than happy to oblige, you say. You're done. You don't even need your shit, keep it, you'd rather lose your stuff than set foot in that place again. You finally came to your senses and you're fucking done.

You say nasty things. You say he made your life a living hell and you're happy to be rid of him.

And then you say something worse. Something that sets something deep inside off. Something that feels like a stab to the gut.

You say if you'd known the truth about him you would have kicked him out a long time ago.

Maybe it's not about the same thing. Not meant the same way. But it feels too familiar nonetheless.

You see him freeze up. He just stands still for a moment. Not saying anything. Face blank and empty. His eye twitches.

You couldn't care less. Besides, you already have a new boyfriend, one that's nice to you, you tell him with a prideful spite in your voice. One that doesn't have fucking issues. You're not a therapist, you say, and you tell him to figure out his problems on his own, and you slam the door in his face.

Or, you try to. He catches the door before it can close with one hand. Grabs your arm with the other.

For once he doesn't say anything, not until you make him. Just grabs you, drags you down the street by your shirt. It nearly chokes you, but you manage to start to scream. He slams your back into the nearest building, grabs your shoulders and says to shut the fuck up or I'll break your fucking arms. You go wide eyed and scared tears run down you're face. You're scaring me, you plead. Let me go.

But he doesn't. You figure maybe you can talk sense into him when you get there. You don't realize how far gone he is, you don't think that this might be the last time you set foot outside, the last time you see the sun not through a window. You don't think any of the things you'll wish you had down the road.

You've had rough sex before. Not quite like this, though. You can't breathe. You kick and wheeze and cry and claw at the hand around your throat and desperately gasp for what little air you can get in. He only lets go when you black out, lets you take a few breaths, then does it again. You're still so tight. New boyfriend must not have measured up, huh. It's raw and dry and it hurts. You whimper and you cry and you finally apologize like you should have days ago.

And yet, most importantly, you cum. See? You love him. So say it. Say it already. Come on. You do, you stutter, it's quiet and scared, but he smiles nonetheless.

It's ok. He knows you're sorry. He knows you didn't mean those awful things you said. You would never actually abandon him. You're different. Different. Special. Not like everyone else. You won't leave. You won't just leave him somewhere and disappear, you won't die out of nowhere, you won't kick him aside and leave him alone, you're the only person who won't. Different. That's why he loves you so much. You would never do any of that.

You just need help. You're so emotional, you're really not emotionally stable. Controlled by your wildly changing emotions. They make you say things you don't mean. Do things you don't really intend to do. Things you'll just regret if he didn't intervene and help you.

They make you vulnerable to other people. You're so easily controlled. You believe what they want you to believe. And that's dangerous. That could lead you to try to leave again. That's why you have to be helped. Kept away from becoming victim to your own impulses. The only way to do that is keeping you locked away. You'll come to understand with time. Appreciate it. Thank him.

You'll appreciate it because you're different. You'll never leave. You would never leave him even if you had the opportunity.

But maybe it's for the best that you don't have that opportunity to begin with.